28 Hour Show - 2008 - Hour 7

0:00I don't know anything at all. I mean, anything. I don't read U.S. Weekly. U.S. Weekly. You are such a moron. It's us. It's us. What? USA Today. No. Yeah. Idiot. I can't afford those kind of magazines. Yeah. So nobody, oh gosh. So nobody gave a reason or whatever and everybody was really silent. They weren't commenting on it. But then when Sarah Silverman won a creative Emmy for her version of I'm blanking Matt Damon. That song and video she did. She won an Emmy for that? A creative Emmy. Wow, you can win Emmys for stuff like that? It was really good. It was really funny. So in her acceptance speech, she kind of referenced, she thanked Jimmy Kimmel for like breaking her heart, but she did it in like kind of a joking way, you know? And so anyways. The past couple weeks, they've been seen together holding hands, cuddling. They went to Howard Stern's wedding together last Friday. And so now they're working it out. They're taking it slow, but they're getting back together. Who is? Jimmy Kimmel, Sarah. Matt Damon. Matt Damon. Matt Damon. If I go pee twice within six hours, I think, oh, I'm diabetic. I'm so, what do they call that word? What do they call it? Hypochondriac. Hypochondriac. I'm a hypochondriac. Wow.

1:31If something like normal, I'll think something's wrong. Kimber does that, huh, Kimber? Right? She was shaking her head. Kimber, you do it too, right? We both do it. In fact, we've talked about how we both freak out about anything. But moreover, she wants it on the radio. Yeah, she wants to talk about it in detail. Good stuff. No, yeah, I do. If it doesn't matter, like if I sneeze or something, I'm like, oh, it's a flu. Like I'll sneeze. I'll be like, I'm getting the flu or I'm getting a cold. Oh, cancer. Yep. I do that. Do you guys do that? Or does it take a lot for you to think something's wrong? Lori, you don't, right? Yeah, in fact, we were talking about that. Lori does this thing where she practically has to be falling over to go to the doctor. Whereas, and Rebecca and I, we spin each other out. Because she's the same way as I am. So we'll spin each other out. Kimber, same thing. Think something's wrong immediately. Are you the wait to go to the doctor's guy? Oh, yeah. I don't care to go to the doctor. It has to be really bad. Never go to the doctor. You do not? No, never. Really? I don't even have a doctor. Me either. Wow. You don't even have one? No. Wow. Like, I don't know what I do when I get sick. Really? Wait. Dude. I want ours to move into the spare room. Oh, wouldn't that be great? Yeah. You have a frequent sick program? Seriously. Well, see, that's the thing. I'm never sick. I just always think I am. Oh, that's bad. I just always want to find out, is everything okay with me?

2:58Right, hon? You do, too. You do, too. She does, too. She's acting like she does it. She does, too. Hey, Mari Payton's here. Mari Payton. Let's get her over here on a microphone. Let's talk to Mari. That's cool. Let's talk to Mari. What, Eddie? Let's see. Oh, we're going to go. Mari, let's get you over on a microphone over here. Let's see. Let's see. Okay. Okay. I got an ID. Let me ID real quick. You're listening to the 28-Hour Mikey Show, brought to you by Johnsonville Bratz on KIOZ, San Diego's Rock 105.3. The following takes place between 12 p.m. and 1 p.m. The word of the hour is Mikey. The word of the hour is Mikey. You've got to be writing all these down. And tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. when we're getting off the air.

4:04then you just tell us what all those words were that we gave you at the top of the hour every hour. If you could tell us the whole sentence, $1,000 gas card. Sweet. Very cool. Mari Payton's here. How are you? How you doing, Mari? I feel blessed. That's right. Well, you know I'm tired. How dare you? You guys aren't into it yet. Tomorrow at this time, you guys can be tired. I have questions. So you've been up for 24 hours at this point, Mari? Is that what you're telling us? It feels like it sometimes. Do you guys know what story I was on this morning? The guy, right? The guy at the beach? What happened? There was a missing swimmer. Two guys go to PB Bar and Grill last night. Get out of the bar around 2 o'clock. They admit they're a little intoxicated. They go swimming. They're from National City. It happens. So two guys go swimming for a few minutes. One guy comes back ashore. Yeah. He's fine. Can't find his buddy. Doesn't know where the guy is. Oh, that's creepy. So he starts waiting for a few minutes, right? Doesn't know what's going on. Starts panicking. Oh, my gosh. Uses the payphone and calls 911. Okay, so that's where we step in. So we get down to PB this morning around 4 a.m., and they have Copter 2 up there. They have lifeguards coming to the beach. You know, everyone's out there. No way.

5:20So we're covering this all day. We're getting reaction from people, lifeguards. We even interviewed the friend who was there at the time. He says they were a little bit drunk, but he was really worried. So about 9 o'clock, 9.30, found out that the guy was sleeping on a friend's couch, had made it back. Was a little drunk, you know, had been going out, you know, and having a good time. He walks up to you and goes, what are you guys doing out here? What's up, dude? Well, I was asking people because I knew that was a possibility. So whenever a lot of people, you know, when we're on stories, we're on scene, people come up to us, ask us, what are you guys covering? So people were asking me every time I say, hey, are you that guy? Are you that guy? You know, I want to get the interview. But so, I mean, it's still a story because guess who has to pay for all of that? We do. You know, I mean, it's not the guy's fault. He's not going to get charged or fined. So will you guys go talk to him now? Well, I don't. Hey, I'm off now. You know, it's someone else's story. Leave it to Ojeda. That's right. So did he even go in the water at all? He did. Okay. But then he just got out real quick and went to a pro's house and crashed. And he lives, I guess, this is according to the friend, he lives in National City with his parents, this 31-year-old guy. So they go to National City.

6:25And he's not there. So, obviously, the family's concerned. I think it was a bigger story, Mari, that a 31-year-old guy was at PB&B Bar and Grill. Yeah, and lived with his mom and dad. And lived with his mom and dad. Like, that's the story. Look into that. And the mom called lifeguards to tell them what was up. Hey, guys, you know, call the search off. That is cute. It's fine. Oh, my gosh. She referred to herself as his mommy, which is really weird. That's bad. Mari, what time do you get up? What time should day start? I usually get up about 2 o'clock. Really? Uh-huh. And then what time are you done? Well, that's a good question. If there's no breaking news. Yeah. Sometimes even when there's not breaking news, I'm not getting home until like 2, 2.30 just because, you know, if we're on Oceanside or at the border. I mean, it really varies, though. I mean, I could be done around 11. I could be done around 2. Obviously, during huge stories like the fires or whatever, we're never off. Yeah. We're on all the time. So, you know, it just kind of every day is different. What's the average? I would say about noon. Really? You're tired, right? By Friday, I'm tired. I'm feeling good on Monday. I've been doing it for almost two years, this shift. I've been in San Diego at the station for about three years. Where'd you come from? My family's in Orange County. But before this, I was at the NBC station in Jackson, Mississippi. Really? Really?

7:47Good times there. Yeah, did you love it? I loved it. All those clan stories. It was, you know what, as a news person and as... you know, just starting out as a journalist, it was pretty interesting. I can relate. Yes, I can relate. Journalist. 100%. Yes. Hot news. Yes. Hot journal. Okay. I started in Jackson as well. Yes, go ahead. WN. It wasn't. Yeah. Tyrone Jackson. That's right. Yes. That's exactly my first. But anyway. I was 12. Anyway. 11. Anyway. Hey. So Jackson, Mississippi. Started there, and it was kind of after Hurricane Katrina hit, and I was sent to the Mississippi coast, to Biloxi, to cover the storm. Now, this is, I was sent there the day before it hit. Oh, my gosh. And when we went down, it's about an hour and a half drive from Jackson, where we were based out of, which is the state capital. So we drive down. We're the only people driving.

8:45In that direction. Everyone is like lined up. You know, we know we're in for something big, but there's a lot of hurricanes that hit that area. So, and it's a two, I think at that time, well, in a few hours, they turned it to a category five and we were there. So that was kind of like my big, my big break, I guess, big story. And then got me back here, which is, I always wanted to come back to Southern California. There you go. That's cool. Did you get that Jackson thing like right out of college? Yeah, that was out of college. Really? Wow. That's pretty cool. Yeah, I mean, it was a good experience. It took a while to decide on where I was going to go. I mean, you know, most people in my position, they have to start somewhere small, kind of work their way back. But I was kind of picky on where I wanted to go. I wanted to make sure there was some news or a big college football town where there would be a lot of young people. You know, I mean, I was kind of looking for something specific. But, I mean, it's really competitive. You guys know. And she did a spot on the Today Show. You did a spot on the Today Show not too long ago where they went to you. I don't remember what the story was. It was for the fires. The fires. Matt Lauer did. Yeah. I had a thing with him one day and then Meredith Fira the next day. That was pretty cool. That was cool. That was cool. And you know, I didn't know that that was happening. You know, it's always last minute. Yeah. And they say to me, can you do just a quick live shot for the Today Show? Right. And I'm thinking, you know, it's a little bit later on the day. Maybe it's one of, you know, their lesser known, you know, anchors. Yeah. And about three seconds in, all they say to me is.

10:12And the anchor is Matt Lauer. Oh, okay. Yeah, it was cool. Get it together real fast. Hey, we put it up. We put it on the air. We're like, hey, Mari Payton's talking to Matt Lauer right now. Yeah, that's cool. And we put it on the air. And Mari's a P1. You listen. I do. Her and her cameraman, Spencer. That's pretty cool. All right, so Mari is going to be a celebrity judge today. Yeah, this is awesome. The cook-off is between Ashley and Eddie. You're good. Half of it. What are we eating? I don't even know. I don't know what's on the menu. That's the thing. They're both going to cook the same thing, right, Eddie? Yes. They're both going to cook the same thing. Now, are you, is she doing like wheat stuff and all that? I believe so. Oh, boy. Does that mean you have to? No, I'm doing my own version of the dish. She likes wheat. Pasta. Healthy. Yeah, Ashley cooks healthy. Okay. Healthy and organic. I cook with flavor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So, whatever. She leaves it out. To each their own. All right. She doesn't like to put the flavor in there that much because she says it's fattening. Yeah. She says it's fattening, so she leaves it out. Yeah. So, what we will do is we will have, you know, you won't know who made what, I guess, right? Or will they? No, they can because it's not what we were originally doing. They can actually know and we have judging tablets out there and they'll score.

11:28And our other judge is going to be from Bravo's Top Chef. We have from the Ocean Air Restaurant. He's their executive chef. Brian Malarkey will be coming down. He was in the show Top Chef and should have won Top Chef. He was really good. Yeah, he was. He's on his way down, right? Yeah. He's a friend of the show, too. He's a P1, too. Yep. So what are we going to do? How are we going to do this? And thank goodness it's a real. Nice, breezy, cool day outside. It's like scorching. It's hot. Mari, I got to cook. Please don't say that. It's hot. In the direct sun. It's really hot. We could do one of our replays so you can hear some funny bits that we do on the Mikey Show. Cool. We'll get all our stuff together and we'll meet you outside. Ash, where do we have them? Where are all our different replays? On the page? On the 28-hour page? Yeah, bottom, middle, and they're like in a... Like tannish brown color. There you go. There should be four up there. Okay. Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to play you one of our most popular bits is Tough Love with Eddie. I want to let people know because a lot of you are listening right now for the first time. Two things. One is Rady's Children's Hospital. Go to MikeyShow.com. Type in the word donate where there's a keyword. Go there and make a donation.

12:51to Radies Children's Hospital. The other reason that we do this is to get people to listen. I mean, if we're on at 12 o'clock right now, it's 1207. There's a lot of people listening right now that don't usually get to hear the Mikey show. And that's why we're doing this, you know, so that people can tell their friends, hey, it's okay if you listen to another morning show, but this afternoon, why don't you turn on the Mikey show and get to hear a little bit of it? So that's why we're on. We're going to give you an example of what we do on a regular basis. This is called Tough Love. With Eddie. Oh, what about this? Oh, yeah. Fun, guys. Nice favorite. Why is he staring at me like that, Mike? I think that what that look says, Skye. Do you want us to have a stare-off? Let's get ready to heal. Got a giant cup of healing for you. Oh, yeah. Steamy splatzing in your face. No, thanks. But no thanks. See, the idea is that... Eddie can be very frank. He can tell it like it is. He can, as they say, shoot from the hip. And kick you in the shin. Well, you know, Skye, sometimes that's what it takes in order for somebody to truly be aided. I disagree, but okay. And so you're about to hear what we call tough love with Eddie. Our first letter reads, Dear Eddie.

14:22My boyfriend does something so gross and I want him to stop. He refuses to blow his nose into Kleenex and instead does something he calls a farmer's handkerchief. Every man listening has done it. And I suspect probably a couple of women. Just saw a national TV Monday night. Zach Thomas blow the biggest one ever. Right when the cameras cut to him. Did he use the thumb or the forefoot or the index finger? Yeah, he used the thumb, closed the nostril, blew it. It was awesome. I prefer the top of the index finger myself. I mean, that works too. Because what it does is it keeps the hand as far away from the nose as possible. Anyway, this email goes on to say, yeah, he does the farmer's handkerchief. And do you know what that is, she says? She goes on to explain. She says, it's when you blow your nose by holding one nostril. and blowing out the other nostril right onto the ground. It is so disgusting. I've told him how gross it is, and he doesn't seem to care because he still does it all the time. Can you give me some advice and try to get him to stop? That's P1 Lucille in RB. Eddie? Yeah, dear snot to trot. Yeah! I mean, duh, you heard us talking about it. Of course I've heard of the snot rocket.

15:53And you're right, it's pretty gross. I mean, especially when the snooter doesn't clear the chamber. Yes, that is true. You get the hair. Okay, good. Yuck. But yeah, here's the deal, Lucille. Most guys do this, as Mikey said. It's called going green. Yes, guys. No, definitely not. Ever hear of it? I love it. Why waste a perfectly good Kleenex where you can just blow your nose using Mother Earth? Why would you waste? Why would you waste? Why would you waste? It is biodegradable. It is. It is. Plus the book is green. That's right. Sometimes. Sometimes. All right. Now, the only point of using Kleenex is to check the goods out after the fact. Don't act like you don't do it. Everybody does it. What are we, children? Calm down. What are we, children? Everybody has to see what's going on. If you got a good one or not. That's right. Listen. Come on, you know. I think you know. Now we're going to have to show her. Okay. Can you hand me that Kleenex right there? I got one. Okay. Listen, just deal with the guy. An occasional booger bomb is not going to hurt you. Oh, it could. Unless he accidentally gets it on you, then.

17:15All bets are off, but this guy sounds like a pro, so you'll be fine with snot pockets. No, you didn't. Oh, yes, you did. Make it snot. Oh, yeah. Our next letter reads. Really gross, Eddie. Thank you. Dear Eddie, my wife and I have been married for about five years. About a year into our marriage, she started doing this thing where any time we had even the smallest disagreement, she would start shouting really loudly. I mean, she lets it fly. I've always tried to counter with that calm tone, but it never does any good. I've asked her to stop with the yelling, and she responded with, quote, Oh, does baby want his baba? Unquote. Oh, my gosh. Which really makes me mad. And now, frankly, I'm sick of it. What can I do? That's P1 Grayskull from Chula Vista. Eddie? Dear, I dream of screamy. Oh, boy, yeah. You're right. It is not a good idea to yell back because it's only going to make it worse. So what I would do when she starts to scream and yell again is...

18:36Sit her down. I mean, look her in the eye and say, look, I wanted to marry someone. If I wanted to marry someone with a volume problem like Skye, I would have put lipstick on a bullhorn and said, I do. Of course, you can follow that up with, and I'm glad we haven't had kids yet because instead of being born with a silver spoon in their mouth, they'd be born with a brass trumpet in their throat. That definitely puts things in perspective. And now, of course, this begs the question, how do you stop her from screaming all the time? Well, just like when a cat does something wrong, you know, you kind of squirt them with the water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But in this case, I would encourage a little pepper spray about the face. That's way, way too far. You got to do it without warning, though, because that's how they learn. Way too far. You know, really, we shouldn't just focus on the negative here. There are some positives. She could get a job doing the news on the radio.

19:57Of course, she could get a job with the police during high-speed chases. She could yell at the suspect's car, bursting all four tires at once. I don't think that's humanly possible. With her voice. With her voice. But really, my advice is... Run. Wow. Get up right now. Don't pack your bags. Don't get your car keys. Just hit the bricks, pal, and beat it because you are going out. Yes. You are ridiculous. That's wonderful advice. Not really. Solid. And our last email asking Eddie for advice is goes like this. It says, Dear Eddie, Listen, again, I'm just going to read it straight. Okay. Just the way it's written. I'm going to read it the way it's written. That's what you got to do. Sometimes they get me, you know, because I'm about to start reading and I'm about to start going grammatic. Come on, Mike. I'm trying to help people here. This one says, Eddie, I heard about snap-on chicks in your garage and my old lady is like...

21:08That too, Holmes. Wait, first of all, it wasn't me. It was an email. Yes, forget it. It wasn't even me. He didn't have snap-on posters in his garage, but somebody did. Close enough, though, I guess. Forget it. Anyway, it says, we got married and I have guns and stuff, bro. She gets all scared. Wait, real guns or is he talking about his muscles? Real guns. Okay. What? He says, we got married and I have guns and stuff, bro. She gets all scared and she's like, take those to your dad's. And I am always like, why? Oh, okay then. Yeah. I'm lost. I can't follow this. Is there any punctuation yet? No. All right. Good. It says, she thinks if we have kids, they will shoot each other or shoot our apartment. Yes, valid concern. I used to run with this dude that always did that. Anyway. Anyway, homie, you make me laugh. Keep on keeping on. Oh, keeping on, homie. Hey, Eddie, what do you tell her, Holmes? P1 Manny in Oside. Okay. Eddie? Really? Yeah. Dear Manny Oakley. Hey, listen, bro.

22:41I've been doing this segment now for about, what, five years? About, yeah. About five years? Yeah. Give or take. I must say that your email was easily the scariest I've ever heard. I agree with that. I mean, for multiple reasons, but mostly the guns. Yeah. Hey, man, I'm sure you're a safe and legit gun owner. I mean, no doubt in my mind that you... Go to the Second Amendment town hall meetings. Probably have an NRA membership. You're totally legit. Totally. I'm sure you have a gun safe. Yeah. My guess is that gun safe has Manny written on it, an old E. I would say that's probably right. Which is crazy since that is probably tattooed on your chest as well. Probably right. Of course, about two inches above that bullet scar. Yeah, I think that's probably right. So I'm thinking I'm going to take your advice and keep on keeping on here. And here in Kearney Mesa. Hey, dude, you should keep on keeping on up there in Oceanside. Also, never keep on keeping on in.

24:01La Mesa or anywhere I do personal appearances. Other than that, bro, I mean, you sound like a cool guy. Yeah. For sure. Go guns. That's right. That's right. Go guns. Skye, can you hear it off in the distance? No. I can hear it coming up Jackson Drive. It's the sound of healing. You're welcome, San Diego. All right, there it is. Hey, let's hear some noise out here where we are live. This is really our first big outdoor event of the day, but we have a lot more happening out here today. Hey, guys, sorry about the chill. We're going to bring in some heaters a little bit later on so you guys can be nice and comfortable. This is the first, I think we broke a record, 274 degrees right now outdoors, so really nice. Awful. I'm telling you. We have three celebrity judges, and I want to introduce the celebrity judges that we're going to have for this cook-off out here right now. Go ahead and pick up your microphones, guys, and if we get a third mic, I'm going to have you on this one, Quim. So I'll interview you with this one. Our first celebrity judge is, I think you guys know her, she's a Hall of Famer, P1 Quimby, ladies and gentlemen. P1 Quimby is with us today. And also...

25:30Very graciously came down, and I know that she is tired and got up very early, but thank you to Mari Payton for being out here. Mari, thank you. Mari Payton from 739. You can see her on TV every morning. And also, Brian Malarkey is here, and he is also from, you've seen Brian or heard Brian on the show. He was on Top Chef, and he is also the executive chef at one of the best restaurants in San Diego, the best seafood place you'll ever eat at in your life, Ocean Air. Let's hear it for Brian Malarkey, please. I am going to tell you how this happened. The way that this competition came about between Eddie and Ashley was as follows. It's kind of a sad story. It's a little bit of a sad story. Ashley's boyfriend at the time said that he really enjoyed her cooking, which we questioned.

26:30We felt like that was an impossibility. We've had her cooking. Well, we've heard about her cooking. And she assured us that he would like her cooking no matter what. Well, we scoffed, and this competition came about. Eddie said that it didn't matter what she made, he could make the exact same thing, and that her boyfriend... could taste the dishes side by side, and that he would choose Eddie's. And so that's how it was born. Unfortunately, between then and now, they broke up. So what we're going to do instead is we are going to have them cook and have celebrity judges. Quick fire. Quick fire. He knows what that is. Would you guys like to know what they're going to be cooking today? So here's what we're doing, and you guys tell me what you, you celebrity judges can tell me what you guys think about this. They're going to do bruschetta as an appetizer. So hopefully you guys like bruschetta. Then they're going to be doing a pasta dish. And then finally, they're going to be doing a fruit-based dessert. So we got an appetizer, we have an entree, we have a dessert. Appetizer's bruschetta, pasta is the entree, and fruit.

27:52is going to be the dessert. They'll somehow do it in a fruit form. Now, this is a surprise that no one knew about. In fact, in fact, I thought this up in my little brain on my way to work today. The sous chefs for each team are as follows. Boston Rob is Eddie's sous chef. Sky is Ashley's sous chef. Until now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's a partnership of all time. It's the greatest. I know that in the past. I know that in the past. For real, Mike, this is not cool. Ashley, listen. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Mike. I know. No, no, no, no, no, no. You don't understand, Mike. Hang on. Let me explain. Let me explain. No, no, no. Hang on. I can't. I cannot. You don't understand how much preparation I put into having Sky be my suit shop. I can't do it. Listen.

29:19I know that in the past, you and Rob have had... I hate him. I know. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's strong wording. That's strong wording. It's truthful wording. Truthful wording. Truthful wording. I know. Listen, a better way to say that. A better way to say that. No, seriously. Cry, cry, cry. Listen, listen. Ash, Ash. A better way to say that you hate him is to say it's practically impossible to work with him. I can barely look at him. That's true. That is true. That is true. And then... As everyone knows, there's a history of not really seeing eye to eye between Eddie and Skye. And so I thought, why don't we make it interesting? Why would you think? Why would you thought? Why would you thought? I'll tell you. Why would you thought? I'll tell you. I'll tell you. I think that it will be a real bonding experience for the show. It'll be a way for us to work. I wholeheartedly disagree. Be a way for us to work with each other and learn from each other. It's going to work. I'm telling you. Eddie, you're the producer. Make a call on this. Here's what you do. Let me explain. Let me explain. Let me explain. No, this is seriously. Eddie, this will be the opportunity for you and Sky to be able to work with one another and finally bond. I don't want that, though. I don't either. We're good. We're good. Ashley. Ashley, let me ask you. How does it make you feel when the crowd chants cry? Ashley, you can do this. You can do this. I want you to. Can you show the pits? Show the pits. Show the pits. They're really bad right now. She's already. She's already.

30:46I'm stressed. She's stressed. She's stressed. Mommy. Skye and I have a whole plan. Mommy's going to do great. Listen, Mommy's going to do great. Mommy's going to do great. You're going to be working with Rob. You guys, can you switch sides? Skye and Boston Rob, can you switch sides? This is like big time right now. They are now. They're switching sides. Mike, so I quit. No, you can't do that. So I quit. You can't do that. All right. Seriously. I am going to. I am going to give the official start. I am going to give the official start, and I have to put a time limit on this. Have to put a time limit on this. Now, I'm thinking, I'm going to consult. I'm going to consult with Brian. Brian, talk to me. For bruschetta, a pasta dish, and a fruit dessert, how long are we thinking here? Are we thinking like maybe at least an hour? Hour is very generous. I really want to push him, keep him past pace. Let's drop it down a little bit. More an hour. Let's keep it down like 50 minutes. Keep people moving. All right, 50 minutes. Let's do 50, 5-0. 5-0, it's practically an hour. It's practically an hour. All right, Eddie is now consulting with Sky for the first time in their lives. Yeah.

32:12They try not to talk. And Ashley is barking orders to Boston Rob. Boston Rob, I think, is doing a very good job of pretending to be listening. Here's what we're going to do. I am going to mark the time. I am going to mark the time with his timer. And we will get underway. In the words... Hey, Eddie, what does a guy say on Iron Chef in the words of whatever? Of my uncle. In the words of my uncle. Cuisine! Begin. You guys are now on the clock. You have 50 minutes. And they're off. You have 50 minutes. I'm moving out of the way. Now, I want to describe the scene. We are up on a 12 by 12 stage right now. And what we have is a gigantic grill right in the middle of the stage.

33:10It's a propane grill, and it takes three propane takes to fire this sucker up. It's pretty big. And the heat coming off of it is immense. Yes, it is. It is. And as you know, I'm very sensitive to the heat. Yeah, you'll be crying like a 12-year-old in no time. That's probably true. And Ashley is... Ashley is taking whole tomatoes and tossing them into boiling water, and now she is pouring the rest of a bottle of water into that boiling water. She poured like a drop from her Aquafina bottle for some strange reason. Oh, okay, I just had something thrown at my crotch. That was really odd. By Ashley, by Ashley. Let me ask you a question, Brian Malarkey. In your years of training, did you ever throw whole tomatoes into the boiling water? What do they call that? That's parching or something? What is that? What is that? Parboiling? Parboiling? Okay, it peels the skin off. So Ashley knows what she's doing. But can you throw the stems in there with them as well? Wait, wait, wait. Stem and all? Ashley is commenting. What is that, Ashley? I do not know what I'm doing. Okay, okay, cool. So she's saying, no, I don't know what I'm doing. What is the worst? Say again? This knife is the worst. Okay, well, then it should be real easy to get. Where are the ridges? Where are the ridges? I am the knife. I need the ridges. Wow, Ashley is working really hard.

34:32Eddie is feverishly pouring flour into some cup holders. And Skye, he has his assistant, he has his assistant Skye working on peeling some carrots. I'm going to tell you, I'm looking into a pot of boiling water and it has stems and all. Oh, what are you asking me? Why are you asking me? I just was wondering with your input how long you thought those maybe should be in there for. For what? To do what? Oh, it's for the bruschetta. Oh, wow. Okay. Oh, wow. All right. Is that what you're supposed to do? I do. That's what the recipe says. The recipe says. It's cut off right here, but it says something about boiling water and then potatoes. So I'm assuming you put them in the boiling water because it got cut off at the bottom there, the beginning of the directions. I'm just going with it. We'll do a couple more minutes in there. Brian, your thoughts? Can we hear his mic up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got to get his mic up. Brian, say again. I see a lot of these P1s around here. Anybody got anything on their grill? I'm getting a little nervous about what we might be eating up here. Brian, is it normal practice to boil the tomatoes for bruschetta? No, I thought freshness. I thought freshness. I thought freshness. Mm-hmm. How do I take them out? How do I take the tomatoes out?

36:00That's a great question, Ash. I would say find something to hold the pot. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Okay. All right. Don't grab that with your bare hands. Yeah, don't grab that with your bare hands. Grab a pot holder. There you go. There's a pot holder. Looks more like a welding glove, but she's putting it on. And then tongs. She's getting tongs. And I think what she's going to do is she's going to put each tomato into a colander. Yeah, she is now. Okay, she's blowing on it. She's blowing on it. She's looking at it. I think she touched her lips to it for some reason. She's waiting to see if the skin is peeling. Oh, they're ready. She says they're ready. They're ready. I wonder if she's going to, you know, sometimes you put those in a bath. Sometimes you put those in a bath, you know, to kind of cool them down. But she's, I don't know what she's going to do. Sky, I miss you. She's back to cutting the little piece of bread. Rob, how about you? What are you doing? I don't know. She was just saying, Sky, like, that's not encouraging me. Leave him alone. He's cutting strawberries. Yeah, Rob is cutting strawberries. I believe you picked these, right, Mike? Oh, you get it. It's a Mexican joke. Oh, right, yeah. It's a Mexican joke. Yeah, because your hands are the right size. Ah, you get it. There are pineapples up here, too. I don't know what the pineapples are for, but there are pineapples up here. Well, and it looks like Rob is melting chocolate.

37:19Rob is what? He's melting chocolate up here. He's melting chocolate in a little nonstick pan. On the world's grossest stove. That is disgusting. Sean is a germaphobe. Let's come over to Eddie's side and see what's happening over here. Cuisine. Hi, Mike. Skye is chopping red onion in easily the most awkward way I've ever seen in my life. Shut up. Skye, what are we doing? What are we doing? I don't know. Eddie's just telling me to chop red onion, and I'm going to chop my finger off. And do you know what the carrots are about yet? No, I just peeled them. That's all I know. All right. I can tell you this. Already looking over at Eddie's side, way more organized. There's a sense of organization and some real work being done. For sure. There is a pot of water that is being boiled, and Skye's actually doing pretty good at chopping up those onions. She's doing all right. Eddie, what do we got going on over here? I'm making crepes. Are you kidding me? Yes, I got the batter made right here. I'm going to make the crepes. Whoa. Yeah, they're delicious, Rob. And then right before the time is up, I will put the filling in, which is going to be Nutella, which is a hazelnut chocolate spread, and it's going to have whipped cream in it and a Grand Meunier fruit glaze over it. Oh, well, hello. Wow, that sounds great. How about that?

38:41Is there a trash? Is there a rag? Is there a trash? Is there a trash? Is the rag? Okay, Ashley looks really, really frustrated. Ashley just yelled out, I need things. All right, we're getting the trash for you, Ash. Are you ready? Here you go. I'm going to open it up for you. Okay. All right, she's tossing them. I'm looking at tomatoes that look. Oh, boy. Oh, wow. They look. This is the thing, Mike. I've never made bruschetta actually before, but I'm just going to wing it. You know, I'm just going with what I know. You know what bruschetta is, right? You know what bruschetta is. I'm just following the recipe, Mike. Just following the recipe. Mike, why is she cutting the tomatoes in half and throwing one half away and keeping half? I don't understand that. Because I think she feels. There goes a quarter. to this madness, I swear. I believe there's no method to this madness. I would say 0% chance of method. She is seeding, by the way, she's seeding tomatoes.

39:46that the temperature of them is hotter than the center of the sun. And she's seating them with her bare hands right now. You guys are freaking out for no reason. Wow. I'm under control. Her hands, her fingers are melting off. Everything's fine. Ashley, doesn't that burn you? No, it's fine. No, Mike, I'm used to pain. It's all right. It's numb after a while. I don't care about it. I'm numb to the world. Wow. Ash, are you doing all right? Yeah, I'm totally fine. Everything's fine. This is ridiculous. I hate this. What about your entree? How are you feeling about your entree? I'm going to die. I really do. How about your entree, though? What about your entree? I haven't started that yet. You haven't? Have you thought about it? Have you thought about the entree? No, I haven't gotten there. Okay, I just want to tell you, I can feel the heat of those tomatoes, and she dug into them with her fingers like she could care.

40:39It was one of the weirdest things I've ever seen in my life. And was mumbling into the microphone, I just want to die. Now let's talk to her partner, Rob. Rob, how are you doing? What are you doing? I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm just making some chocolate over here, huh? Okay, he's got some pieces. Oh, wow. Ash? Ash. What did he do? Did you put him on this? Did you put him on this? fours and then dip into the chocolate. You want the chocolate to cover the entire pancake. Listen, listen. I'm taking control of this. No, you are not. Things are a mess. I'm in charge. First of all, we don't have enough utensils. There's two knives up here. Apparently, we don't have any toilet paper either. I mean, this is awful. This is awful. This is awful. There's not enough stuff up here. Wipe that off after. This is exactly what I was hoping for when I thought that they would be partners. But my thing is I need a spoon. By the way, I don't know if anybody caught that. I don't know if anybody caught that, but Ashley just let Rob know that this isn't brain science. This is not brain science. I thought it was. All right, Ash. Ash, I'm going to have to agree with you that that does not look right. What we have is salsa.

42:03I think we have salsa. She just put the knife down in a real kind of frustrated way. Ash, maybe it'll work. No, no, no. Keep working it. Keep working it. Once the tomatoes are and remove the seeds and juice from tenders, which I did. It can't be encouraging when the crowd starts to chant cry. It can't be encouraging. Let's go over to Eddie's side and see how Eddie and Skye are doing. Skye is actually, she's doing all right here. What do we got going on? Well, I'm still chopping onions, and Eddie has a great strategy, which is keep both of us on opposite sides of the kitchen so we don't interact at all, and it's working perfectly. I cannot believe the beauty of the crepes that Eddie just pulled off of that grill. Unbelievable. Oh, my gosh. Dude, Eddie has made, like, seriously, like... You can photograph this and put it in a cooking magazine or a cookbook. The most beautiful crepes I've ever seen. He's sautéing them right now. Eddie, how are you feeling about the way things are going? Save my first rodeo, buddy, okay? I know what I'm doing over here. I have a feeling that...

43:0750 minutes is probably not going to be anything tough for you. It actually puts a lot of stress on me because I have a very big menu, and so it's going to be difficult for me to finish everything. Let me go over to Sean, who's reporting from Ashley's side of the kitchen. What's going on? What is happening over here? What's happening? So Ashley was opening this bottle of balsamic vinegar, I guess to use for her tomato. She opens it up. The cap flies off. It goes right into her tomato chunks. What I'd like to do now is show the audience where. No, no, no. But can I just show them a little bit about where we are? Just want to give you guys just a little bit of an idea. What we're doing here with a bruschetta. Just want to give you guys a little idea. No, no, no, no, no. We're not even done. We're not even done yet. We're not even done. It's a work in progress. It's a work in... Oh, wow. She's sticking the knife into... Okay, the bowl is not a cutting board, Ashley. He's doing great. Is he doing great? He's doing great. Now he's listening. She's so bipolar right now. She's like... Now she loves Rob. I don't know, but she loves Rob now. She's like, he's doing great. I love him so much. Are we making stew? You're doing great. Just...

44:25What is that? I know. No, I'm busy. I'm making chocolate back here. I'm like Willy Wonka, son. Come on. Did you just call Ashley, son? Is that weird? Another difficult thing, because I'm supposed to mince the garlic, and I don't have my metal and puddler, so now I'm supposed to mince it. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Back up, back up, back up. You don't have your metal and puddler? So now I'm supposed to mince it with this huge bread knife. What's a metal and puddler? You mean a mortar and pestle? Yeah, that's what I mean, Mike, okay? Let me ask you, Brian. Did you ever use a metal and puddler when you were learning your trade? No metal and puddlers. So how about, Mari, let me ask you. Do you do any cooking yourself? Do you like to cook at all? Let's get that microphone up. Let Kevin get Mari's mic up. Go ahead. You do like to cook. I do, yeah. I actually cook quite a bit. What is your specialty? What do you like to make? Asian dishes. I'm half Japanese, so I grew up around that. But what's confusing to me is Eddie and Ashley, are they making the same menu? Well, they're both making bruschetta. I think their pasta dishes may be different, but I don't. Eddie, they are different. And I know that they're doing different desserts. Ashley, you are scaring me so bad, chopping that up. She's using her hand.

45:52As a stopping board, you know, like, so, you know. Not good. Ash, ash, ash. Be very careful. Be very careful. Thank you. Thank you. Well, okay, so, so, Mari, yes, they're making separate dishes. Okay. But. That is minced, right? Yes, that is minced. That is minced. Mari, let me ask you, when you're cooking, have you ever made bruschetta? Mikey, I really hate to say this because I don't want to be mean. Ashley, I love you, but I think it's one of the easier things to make. I think so, too. I actually do. I think it's one of the easier things. Have you ever heard of making bruschetta by boiling the tomatoes? No, but I was going to suggest, if I could make a suggestion, but it's too late now, I think. Please. She should have... Probably kept the tomatoes and boiled them maybe for a little while longer and added them to the pasta, perhaps. Yeah, that's not a bad idea. Hey, listen, it's just, what, Ash? Ash looks irritated. She doesn't, she didn't even know what to say. She just needs time. She just needs time. What, audience? I'm sorry, what? What were you guys? Got it, got it. Supportive. Okay, Sean? Sean? Yeah? I want you to go take a look at the dessert. Oh, no.

47:07I want you to go take a look at the dessert, and I want you to tell me what you think of the chocolate part. Okay. Oh, Mike. No. No. What is he doing, man? Ashley is stomping and screaming and clenching her fists. It's not even melted. I told you, I'm making chocolate. Rob, you have one thing to do over there, okay? I'll make some lollipops later. Hey, Rob. Hey, Rob. The chocolate in the pan is still sitting. It kind of froze up on me. I've been working in so much heat, I figured I've got to take it off the heat. It was making me sweat. He's not sabotaging. I'm not. I'm working hard over here. You focus on that stew you're making. Mike, the reason why the chocolate froze up is because he burnt it. Yeah, that is. It's totally burnt on the bottom. Be careful with the knife, will you? Will you be careful with the knife? Now, Rob, what are you doing with the pineapple? What's going on?

48:05I'm going to carve it up into a funny face. He's going to carve it up into a funny face. I'm trying so hard right now. Ash, you're taking this seriously, right? I'm taking this so seriously. I'm trying so hard right now, and he's not even kidding. Wait, you just tossed the basil in the air, hoping that it would make it into the bowl, and now you're stirring the bruschetta tomato paste. Oh, gross. What? Oh, that's revolting. What? What does it do? This goes on top of the bread. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. That should not go on the top of anything but the garbage. No one should eat that. I'm just putting them on. There's going to be some bad bruschetta going out and around the crowd. Stay away. Yeah, Ed Begley wouldn't use that in his compost heap. That does not look good. Oh, no. None of it looks good over here. Well, who knows? You know, sometimes. Sometimes something doesn't look that great, but then when you taste it, it doesn't taste that great either sometimes. Everything looks pretty great until they touch it, and then after they start to make it into something, it looks awful. Yeah, yeah. Well, Sean, what do you think you'll try? I'm not going to try anything. Are you nuts? Come on. You've got to try one of these things, right? No, no. I'll try something that Eddie makes, but nothing from this side. Maybe you will let Ashley feed you some finger food. And maybe I'll quit.

49:28Sean is a germaphobe. The whole experience is a little tough for him. I like it. But we've got him back out here. It's hot. Can I sit down for a little bit? It's really hot. Yeah, it is hot up here. Ashley, how are you feeling? Oh. Wow. Ashley, what do you feel like? What do you feel like? I just feel like Rob already ruined my dessert. I feel that way too, by the way. This guy, look at her perfect platter. It's like, look at Rob cutting a freaking pineapple. Like, it's freaking the hardest thing in the world. It's like, you just cut the edges off, and you cut it, and he's, like, not even doing that very well. I'm going to show the crowd one thing. He's taking his time. He's being molasses slow. Come look at this. He's sabotaging. What are you doing, Rob? What do you got? I'm just showing these poor folks. Careful, don't slip on the pineapple. She's yelling at me. She's got the rocks to yell at me, and she made this stew. There's a couple of dogs that don't want to sniff this. Let me see it. Let me see it. I'm going to show. I want the judges to not just eat the food but also eat it with their eyes because I think that that is. Listen, a part of any good meal is eating the meal with your eyes. And so, guys, I just want you to be able to take a look at the bruschetta. This is the beginning of Ashley's bruschetta. Hopefully when you eat it with your eyes, your eyes don't barf.

50:49Quimby has a look on her face like she just saw an accident, like she just saw a car accident. Take a look. Take a look. There you go. There you go. Wonderful. Wonderful. I want to wipe the puke from inside your sunglasses. So, listen, it's not a sprint. It's a marathon. It's not a sprint. It's a marathon, and so they have a little time to correct. Yeah, and Mike, we should let everyone know that 20 minutes have elapsed. 20 minutes have gone by. Ashley is now cutting the sausages. And Ashley, you're actually doing a pretty good job of that. How do you feel? This is my recipe. This is what I always used to cook, and it's really something that I feel very confident in making. Can you tell us what the sausage is? This is like pepper, onion, Italian sausage. All natural pepper and onion roasted chicken sausage. We've got organic green peas. We've got part skin mozzarella, a little tomato sauce, some shallots, and whole wheat fusilli. Whole wheat what? Whole wheat what? And some whole wheat fusilli. Whole wheat fusilli. Oh, that feels so nice. Oh, that's the ticket. All your food looks pretty fusilli to me.

52:04Let's go over to Eddie and Skye's side, where everything seems to be pretty organized. And, Eddie, how you doing? I'm trying to figure out where do I strain my pasta. That was a question Ashley was asking earlier, too. And what she had to do was she got a hold of some potholders. There's some buckets underneath where you can... Oh, Skye, he's going to elicit your help here. Oh, Skye's so disgusted that garlic touched her hands. What are you doing, Skye? I'm about to get burned. Put it down in the bucket. Put it down in the bucket. Eddie's going to pour the pasta off into the bucket and then pick up the strainer. He's actually got a very organized way of doing this. Sean is interviewing the pot. And what do you have to say, pot? Sean's got the microphone down in the pot. And, Skye, you have a very interesting cutting technique. Well, she palms the top of the knife and then just sort of moves the knife up and down across the. Yeah, yeah, it's beautiful. Eddie is draining his pasta. And how are we doing? It looks beautiful, man. It looks great. And Skye is very neat. She's got all of her. She's got the onion, the red onion. She's got the basil. She's got the what looks like parsley, some garlic. It's all chopped up and in its own little area. It's very organized, unlike the other side.

53:27Well, the other side is not so organized. Rob, what are you doing? Making pineapples. I think that was God's job. What are you doing? Cutting them. Okay, he's cutting them into rings, and what are you going to do after that? Make funny faces with them. At least he's being honest. Mike, I think it would be interesting to point out that Ashley's pot, her boiling water has gone completely cold. And the pasta is stone cold right now. Let me ask the judges. Let me move to the front here. Let me move to the front. Hey, judges, exactly what do you guys think of that chocolate that we got working here? Some chocolate working over on Ashley's side. And I just don't know what to. Mike, that's good. You can eat that right off the thing if you want to pass them around to the crowd. It doesn't matter. It's good stuff.

54:27Part brownie, really. Yeah, that's what it looks like. I did a great job. Part purgatory. Yeah, we'll pass that around. I'm sure everybody will love to dig into that. Do we have any waters? Do we have any waters? Because I'm talking a lot, and I just want to drink a water. Sean? Yeah, we'll get one. What do you think? How are you feeling? Well, I mean, obviously, Eddie and Sky know exactly what they're doing. I feel totally comfortable with what they've done so far. Well, they're very organized. They're organized. Their vegetables look great. The crepes that Eddie made earlier actually look really good. They actually smell great. They're slightly sweet. You can sense a little bit of saltiness in them. They're going to be fantastic. But then you go to the other side here, and really, they've only got one thing that's edible so far, Mike, and that's the sausage, and they didn't make it. Oh, wow. I got to tell you something. The most shocking thing I think that's come of this is that Eddie and Skye appear to be working well together. Really well together. I'm surprised. It's the weirdest thing in the world. Eddie, Eddie, what do you think? She's doing great. She's doing exactly what I asked her to do. Skye, how are you feeling right now? I am very impressed with myself. I haven't cut myself. I haven't burned myself, which is a huge accomplishment over last year.

55:42I wonder if Ashley feels the same way about her sous chef. Okay, we have a boiling over pot of water here. Oh, no. We have a pot of water that is... Oh, Ashley is stirring. Ashley's stirring. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. You want me to turn that down a little bit for you, Ash? Or do you want me... Maybe I shouldn't do anything, though. Let's get a pit update. How are we doing on the pits, Ash? Let's see. Oh, well. Oh, hello. Uh-oh. That's not looking too good. You know, one thing that's interesting to point out, Mike, is the success of Eddie's Kitchen, really it's no surprise. I mean, if you think about it, a man is heading that side. And there's a woman heading this side over here. That's a disaster. What are your thoughts on that? I think Sean's 100% right. You know, Skye is doing what she's told. She's staying in her place. She's doing eggs. Will you shut it up? She's doing exactly what a man has told her to do, and it's working. Wow. Wow. It's just its nature. It's science, Holmes. Ashley is working furiously with some what looks like mozzarella cheese, whole milk mozzarella cheese that she's cutting into big chunks. Rob, what are you doing?

57:03I'm making funny faces, Mike. I told you. Rob has skewers. The pound cake and the raspberries, too, Rob. Is that supposed to go on there? Oh, Ashley, talk to me. I'm listening to anything I'm saying. Okay, apparently, I think it looks better without the pound cake on there. Oh, she is beside herself. Listen to me, please, Rob. This is really important. Honestly, Ashley, we got a lot to do. If you could just get back to your corner and we could finish this. If you could please cut the freaking pound cake up into four slices and put it in the alternate with the... Please. Look what I made. Dessert's done. Dessert is done. Question, question. How about that? How about that? It's beautiful. What about the poop cake? What do we do with the... Oh, wow. Just a... Just curious. Yeah, it looks like a dog scraped his rear across that. It's not good. These are fine. You can eat this. You what? These are fine. You can eat these. Oh, you eat it. Why don't you eat it? Why don't you eat it? Oh, get that away. Wow, Rob tried to hand feed Sean like a little seal. You almost got a foot to the cross. What do we want to do? Rob, what, what? I think it's time for me to take five. I'm just going to spray myself with the fan.

58:29Rob is now spraying himself and just sort of calming himself a little bit. Ashley is sort of looking at her recipe. She's cutting the mozzarella. She's doing her best. She's doing her best. I think that's all that matters. She's got a lot of pineapple cut up in front of her. What do you think, Sean, what do you think the plan is, entree-wise, on Team Ashley? Well, I mean, it's really difficult to tell. I mean, obviously she's making pasta, but the problem is she's not watching it, and it's overflowing, and it's putting out the flame. So the net result is she's not going to have any pasta for this. I think that might be true, but I have a question for you, Sean. Ashley appears to be putting mozzarella in a colander. Is she going to rinse that? I just heard Skye's laugh all the way over here. So did everyone else. Listen, she's putting cheese. She's putting cheese in a colander. What? Eddie, what? This is offensive. How much time? How much time? We have 23 minutes to go. 23 minutes left. 23 minutes. We're entering the home stretch. 23 minutes. Let me ask. We do have three celebrity chefs. We have...

59:46P1 Quimby, as one of our celebrity judges today. Oh, hey. Quimby, your observations? Wow. You really flipped the script today, Mike, with this whole situation.