28 Hour Show - 2004 - Part 5

0:00so why don't we do this Sean why don't you stay here I'm going to go in there you can talk here for a couple seconds to Eddie until I get in there and then you can come in and I'll take it over from in there what's up Sean by the way Eddie do I need to bring anything headphones nothing I'll be right there just your jokes dude what's up Sean hello hi Eddie what are you doing I'm just chilling. I put my jammies on. Really?

0:31Are they hot? I gotta go. Oh, I'm going. What do they look like? I'll see you next. Hey, bitch, I'm talking to you. Everybody's gotta go. Everybody's gotta go. Whatever. Get lost. Sean, what do Sky's pajamas look like? Are they hot? Ooh, the top. You're gonna love the top, dude. Really? The top is nice. Interesting. The top is sweet. I like it a lot. I can't. I'm desperately trying to find, like, the menu button so I can reset this damn thing. I can't find it.

1:03I'm having a hard time here, Sean. Where's Fathead? Genius. Oh, I found it. Never mind. I got it. Oh, God. That's not right. Uh-oh. Damn it. Dude, you got to find it. I don't know, dude. I don't know what's going on. Hang on. People are relying on us. Yeah, I'm trying to figure this out, dude. I can't figure out this DVD. He can't figure out the DVD, Blunder. God damn it. No, he can't figure out the menu and all that stuff.

1:37No, dude, it's a legit DVD. Damn it. Is Mike trying to talk on the air? Can you not hear Mike? No, I can't hear a word he's saying. Are you kidding me? No. He's talking this whole time. He can't hear him? No, I can't hear a word he's saying. Pick up a different mic. Hang on. This is great. Can you hear him now? No. Blunder, do you have to pot up different mics? Oh, Blunder has to pot up the mics. Oh, crap.

2:09Nothing. You have to pot up the other mics. Is that a mistake? Is that a mistake? You still can't hear you. Hang on. Just wait. Blunder's got to pot up the different mics. Hang on. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. Good thing we went a little early. Oh, hi, baby. Yeah, you can sit by me, huh? Sweet. Oh, my God. All right, talk, Mike. Hello, testing. Is he on yet, Sean? Can you hear him? Oh, my God. No. This is pathetic. Testing. Testing. Testing one, two. Doing some mic checks here.

2:42Testing one, two. Oh, man. Testing one, two. I have ruined this. I hear him on the house sound in there, but he's not coming through the board in here. Oh, boy. What the hell is going on? Here. Let me tell you something. There I can hear you now The reason you can is because Eddie handed me the microphone Let me tell you something I needed notes Because I took notes to do this I sent Blunder the notes Like, I don't know, seven hours ago The reason That he wasn't here to try to get my microphone Turned up right now

3:14Is because he was printing the notes Is that a mistake? Of course it is Oh please Are you kidding me? I printed that out like two hours ago. Okay, that's not the mic I'm going to use. I understand that. Here, Eddie, take this microphone. That's the one I'm going to use. Testing? Sounds like it's working here. But it's working. No, that's the house sound. It's like a house mic. So he can't hear me. No.

3:44Oh, what's up? That doesn't come through the board. That's the one I can use. Show me one that I can use. Right there. Can you hear me, Sean? Yes. Okay. You hear me okay? Perfect. Okay, great. Okay, what time do you have in there, Sean? 9.56. Okay, so we got four minutes until we do this. You should probably run the legal right now. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sean, do you know how to run the legal? That's all he's got to do is just hit play. Just hit play on the left-hand screen. All right. White mouse. Just hit the play button? Yeah, but pause that, Eddie.

4:18That sounds awesome. Are people hearing that? Because he's got to hit the legal. Yeah, I hear it. Pause it? Oh, you can't pause in that mode. Oh, that's okay. I'll just pat you down for a second. Oh, wait. There it goes. You're listening to the 28-hour Mikey Marathon. The following takes place between 10 p.m. and 11 p.m. On KIOV San Diego's Rock Station. Rock 105.3. Events occur in real time. Okay, cool.

4:52All right, are we back? Yep. Okay, cool. All right, now we have got the menu right now, and we've got how many minutes? 957. Okay, so what I'll have you do, Sean, is you'll count us down from five. So you'll go five, four, three, two, one, go. And when we say go, that's when everybody is supposed to hit play from their main menu on Return of the Jedi. Awesome. That's how it's going to work. Okay. Hang on, though.

5:25I got to set some stuff up, too, though. We're still working on technical difficulties as we speak. Two minutes and ten seconds. Plenty of time. Oh, absolutely. It doesn't have to hit right at ten o'clock, guys. Yes, it does. I mean, that'd be cool, but we've got to do this right. Oh, I know. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying, dude? And that music sounds kind of cool, actually. It's not that bad. Yeah, dude. Sounds great. I think we're loaded for bear. We're not. Hang on. You've got to understand. I will, uh, I will, uh, be in there in a couple seconds. Give me, give me a couple seconds here.

6:02I think Eddie needs a couple of seconds, Mike. Yeah, I wonder what the problem is, Sean. Well, he needs time. I'm not sure for what. We're ready to go. Things you don't understand right now. We're not ready to go. If I'm saying we're not ready to go. He's not ready! Are we ready to go? No! Shut up! You're a woman! What? What's that have to do with Eddie? Women, be quiet! I want everybody to know I'm ready to go. You douchebag. I'm beating asses when I get back in here. I can't wait to see Return of the Jedi. One minute and ten seconds.

6:35We're not going in one minute and ten seconds. I'm not ready. Are your nails drying? What's going on? I didn't have Boy Blender print stuff for me so I got to bring my whole computer. Wait a minute. Oh my God. It'll take two seconds. Shut up. He's getting... This is fun times. This is awesome. Yeah. For more information on this, you can go to MikeyShow.com. What is that going to do? After this movie, by the way. It's going to blow off time while you do something you should have done five hours ago. Oh, because I wasn't busy setting the whole goddamn thing up.

7:1130 seconds. I don't have Boy Blunder as a lackey. Sorry. I love it so much. Jerk. How much time, Sean? What else can you piss off today? 20 seconds. Oh, my God. Hey, Eddie, you ready to be funny? I hate your guts. Dude, spit. Oh, yeah, awesome. I love that part. That made me laugh. Logging off. Hang on. Give me 10 seconds. Are you coming in here? Give me a second! Give me a second! Hey, Eddie, when are you coming in here?

7:45Oh, dude, I swear I will crack open that cantaloupe of a head of yours in like two seconds. I'm not joking around. Cantaloupe. If I got a cantaloupe, you got a watermelon. He liked it. Oh, I can't wait to see Lando Calcrispie Chicken and all of my favorite characters from this movie. What? This is going to be awesome. All right, I'm on my way. Hey, Eddie, are you on your way yet or what? You guys are going to have a breakdown, Mikey. You know all this is on the air, too.

8:19That's the greatest part about it. Well, we figured there was no reason to rehearse anything. Well, yeah. I mean, who does that? Well, we thought to ourselves, why don't we just do it? Yeah, who plans and rehearses? I don't like the planning process. I'd rather just get on with it. Well, yeah, come on. I mean, because then you can have magic like this. Well, yeah, but there's a price to pay for everything. Oh, no. All right. Hey, Eddie's back. Are you ready, Eddie? All right, Shawnee? Is this a good chair for you, Sean? We picked it out just for you. Yeah, Eddie's sitting there.

8:52Yep. Now, here's the thing that I'm hoping. I'm hoping that... That's all this medication he brought with him. Oh, my goodness. Oh, lovely. Well, yeah. It's like popcorn for him. Now, here's what I'm wondering. Okay, Eddie. Eddie's got a microphone. Are all these microphones working? I don't know. Can you hear me? How are we even going to know? Can you hear me? No, Blunder. Blunder's behind us.

9:23Blunder, can you hear us? Everybody can hear me? But is it on air? Is it on the air? Are we on the air? Blunder. Blunder! Nobody trusts Blunder. What are you? It's behind us. It's there. Sean's going to go check right now. Yeah, we got to make sure. This is the greatest setup of all time. We wanted to have this ready to go at 10 o'clock. Are you looking at... We are behind schedule. Yeah, hey. Skank over here? I'm a skank. When you did the whole underwear thing. Because I made workout pants

9:56and a tank top. I apologize. It's hot. I apologize for being so skankalicious, Eddie. I said I ain't going to lie. Honey, are you even a little bit surprised that this is how this is going? This is our lives. Yeah, she knows this. Yeah. She knows that this is how things go. Sean, all right, guys. Can you hear everybody? Eddie, talk. Check, one, two, check, one, two. Mike, talk. Check, one, two, check, one, two. Fine, sky, talk. Check, check, one, two. Test my mic. Check, one, two, check. Fine. Get back in here, Sean.

10:27All right, here we go. Run. Sound effects. Sound effects. Shut up. All right, piggies. Yeah, all you piggies out there. All you piggies out there. All you piggies, get ready. All you piggies, Sean's fans, get ready. Get ready to be filthy. All right? This is so awesome. You know what this seriously reminds me of? What? Because we're on couches and we're in this performance studio, it seriously reminds me of like every weekend that we all five get together And Sky's high, Eddie's drunk

10:59We're all fighting and arguing I'm ready It reminds me of when we all get together Alright, I think we're ready Everybody ready in here? You guys ready? Alright, cool All our friends are hanging out in here drinking beer Okay We're going to do the countdown I'm going to tell you How this is going to work before we actually do it I'm going to say 5 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go. When I say go is when you hit play from your main menu. Eddie, you will be the guy.

11:35Oh, God. Oh, my gosh. All right. Are we ready? I don't know. I need something to drink. I don't know. What do we have over there? What do you need? Soty. I don't know. Something. All right. Get him something so we can start this damn process. Right now, P1s are sitting in their houses going, Are you effing kidding me? Stop moving! We waited this whole time for this crap. We're having snacks. Dude, shut your mouth. I mean, for real. Go! All right, here we go. What are we doing? We're about to watch Return of the Jedi together with P1. Is this guy?

12:08Here we go. Five, four, three, two, one, go. Yeah! All of us have done it together. Here we go. Oh, dude! Oh, no, no! You're so stupid. Oh, no, no, no, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. God, relax. That really scared the hell out of me. Yeah. Dumb. Come on. All right. Now, everybody should be synced up with us as they're watching at home. Oh, man. This is very exciting. This is one of Eddie's favorite movies of all time. Are you kidding me? The Star Wars stuff.

12:40No. Well, the series. Yeah. Yeah, the series. Jedi, way down on the list. Jedi's like the worst. Whoa. Jedi is the absolute. No, the new ones are the worst. You know, I actually would prefer those over Jedi. Jedi. Well, you don't know what you're talking about. It had Ewoks in it, for God's sake. Oh, I love the Ewoks. You're out on the Muppets? Oh, look at the people behind, the peanut gallery behind me. The Ewoks were great. They should have been called Ewoks. You ever watch that Ewok Christmas special? That was good stuff. Okay. Actually, you know what? I hope this is on the air.

13:13Yeah, it is. Apparently it is. Shaking his little head. Ah, Lucasfilm. Love it. This is the part where Eddie always gets excited with the new ones. Yeah. They show this. They do this Star Wars thing and something happens. Oh, there it is. Long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Thanks, dude. Aw, yeah. Yeah, I'm good. This is the part where the Star Wars geeks start applauding for the new movies.

13:45All right. All right. Episode six, right? You don't know Roman numerals? What's the matter with you? Yeah, that's why I've never understood the Super Bowl. I've always loved the scrolls across the screen, and the cool thing is that a few times a year, that script is actually visible in the western skyline. You have to have binoculars to be able to see this, but you can actually see that. It's kind of cool. That's the first joke. Why don't you shut your mouth, fathead? I'm asking. I was giving you all my hands. No, it's a BS, man. You're always doing it.

14:17Boy, I plundered fathead. I'm not fathead. Oh, I forgot. By the way, where is fathead? I don't know. Who cares? Thank God he didn't have to participate in this. Now, Eddie, do you still get the little tingles when you see this opening script stuff? It's so awesome. Does it still mean the world to you? It does. I love it. Eddie is probably the biggest Star Wars fan I've ever met. No yawning, Sky. Sky was yawning. I'll take your ass right out of here. What happened?

14:48What happened? You deserve to die. What was going on? Yeah, because she hates these movies. It's no girls just want to have fun, Sky. Sorry, it's not Earth Girls are easy. She hates the greatest movies ever made. This is so rad. Dude, that... Listen. The Death Star to me looks ridiculous. What are you talking about? What the hell kind of construction job is that? Who the hell is working on that thing?

15:23What's the problem with it? Well, it's half blown up, dude. I understand, but when you're rebuilding, don't you kind of go in some kind of order? Look at it. Well, what is... They're working on it. It's got like shattered windows or something. I don't know what I'm talking about. Command station. This is ST321. Code clearance. Death Star always looked at... Well, let me... Seriously. See that, like, indentation in Death Star? What do you think around there is? Seriously. It's a prime spot. Hi, we'd like to have helmets, but we want them to perfectly replicate a penis. Wait a second.

15:56There's a lot of damage. That's what we were going for. Look at that, Eddie. Look at all that damage. Well, yeah, but why don't they construct, like, I don't know, in order? Well, maybe they should get Extreme Makeover to help. That'd be a good idea. Death Star Edition? The Death Star Edition. Hi, we'd like construction noises that closely resemble a great whale. That was my one line. I will overact it.

16:30Juilliard, bitch. Those are the most finely pressed suits I've ever seen in my life. Has this guy ever been in another movie, by the way? Of course not. Has any of the actors been in another movie? No, no. This is CNN. You're about to see a classic gulp.

17:05I can't hear it. Sounds great. I'm here to put you back on the schedule. I assure you, Lord Vader, my men are working as fast as they can. Yeah, Blunder, get in here. Blunder, get in here and turn this up a little bit. Blunder's got to turn it up for us a little bit in here. Blunder has said that a lot.

17:46I am a true commander. All right. The emperor is not his portland. Oh, I love that classic gulp. It's like the classic I'm in trouble gulp. I'm screwed gulp. What does the gulp even mean? Does anybody really do a gulp like that when they're nervous? Gulp. Gulp. Blunder does that every time me and Eddie start to yell. And you should be too. That's because he's eating. By the way, this was filmed.

18:27Seriously, Yuma, Arizona. And I was there when they were doing this. I got to meet Harrison Ford. I swear to God. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. Eddie, how fake does all that look now? Not at all. What are you talking about? So this is a real planet of Tantooine? This kit was 1983, dude. That looks amazing. To me, I was pretty out. That doesn't seem to me. I'm just kidding. I thought they actually filmed it on Tatooine. It's Tatooine. I am so sorry.

19:02It's like a Mira Mesa 7-Eleven. Now, remember when we first saw this, and at this point, we didn't know we were about to be thrust into the Muppet Show? We still thought we were going to get a good Star Wars movie. I don't think they're going to let us in, Arthur. We'd better go. What's up, Sky? That's what I was thinking at the time, too. We'd better go.

19:40Arthur, wait! Sky is now on her zeroth comment. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's super realistic. That's super. So, let me get this straight. They have latex in the galaxy far, far away? Yes. Ah, the great penis neck.

20:15Nice to meet you. No, dude, that's placenta head. Oh, my bad. Come on. I get them confused. I thought that was umbilical brain. He doesn't look that bad, but look at those guards. I mean, F you, George Lucas. What am I, a jackass? This is insulting. When you translate what he's saying, it means, why are there Muppets everywhere? Look at that.

21:01Hey, the dude from Mask called. He wants his forehead back. Oh, hey. Sorry. I'm afraid he's able to be stubborn about these sort of things. Do you think that George Lucas was like, how can I make a new Star Wars movie and throw away millions of dollars at the same time? That's my favorite part with Jabba's film. I'm just being honest. I'm just being honest.

21:34Pujama smokes. Well, he smokes again later, so it'll be cool then, too. Finally going to see a little Skywalker here, Eddie? Are you excited? Check out that hookah, dude. Why is Blunder smoking a hookah? Hey! Message after the message. I'm just thinner than I remember. Greetings, exalted one.

22:10Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Mark Hamill. I've never been seen in another movie. And my face was ruined in a car accident. And I can't find work anywhere. You may remember me from Corvette Summer and nothing else. With your wisdom I'm sure that we can work out an arrangement which will be mutually beneficial Even in 83 that was a bad haircut Oh look at some of these costumes

22:43We had way better stuff at Boo Ball Both are hard working and will serve you well This can't be Oh man it's like a house of retards Oh, give me a break with that. I love that look at you. Are you kidding me? Jedi. I'm waiting for Special Ed to show up and go, yay! Okay, I'm going to translate, all right? Go ahead. This is the beginning of the end. This is where George Lucas ruins the franchise. Hmm, yeah, we'd like our party place to be

23:27where a carbonite frozen guy is. That makes a lot of sense. It's like art, dude. Yeah, it's the carbonite frozen guy room. That made me cry, Empire. What would it possibly have come over, Master Luke? Is it something I did? I never expressed any unappiness with my work. Does anyone else want to know if C-3PO is straight? Are you serious? Yeah, I think we all know the answer to that.

24:07This is a lot more. On the radio. This is where the droid rapes happen. Oh, no. Ah. It's the Abu Ghraib of space. Who's the chick giving the thumbs up? Dude, you know, you can't give me any crap about the guards and the way the guards look.

24:51And that's pathetic. Oh, okay. They're guarding for a crappy costume. Oh, that was... That's guy's air check. Dude, I swear. What is happening? I'm not kidding, dude. I'm a spy. What is happening? Does anyone want to dance? I'm so glad I work for a radio station. This one, have you heard the morning show here?

25:26Those guys are gay. Leek and Bob, they're buddies of mine. Leek and Bob. I love to listen to their show. This is extra crap here now. This is the new crap that Lucas added. You can tell because it's unnecessary and stupid. Right, you add so much. Take a look, folks. Britney at the MGM in five years. Tonight, one night only. Winger. This is all new stuff.

26:03It's so irritating. Why put this in? Why is this necessary? So this is new? This was not the original Jedi? Oh, it's so terrible. Brutal. You can tell. Oh, dude. How embarrassing is that? Look at this. Even Bulbuff that's embarrassing. Seriously. I've always wondered what Flutter would look like in drag.

26:46Do you find this movie in the comedy section now? It's not sci-fi. Dude, this chick is hot, though. The green girl? You think the green chick is hot? Oh, dude, I totally spanked to her when I was a kid. No, you didn't. No question about it. She's a finisher, dude. Dude, I was yanking on the lightsaber. She's a finisher? She's a finisher. Yeah, I guess if Lisa Bonet had, like, an alien sister or something, maybe.

27:36Something bad about to happen, Eddie? Yeah, Chewie. Dude, wasn't Chewbacca like one of your favorite characters? He is my favorite character. Was he part Sharpay? That's ridiculous. No, Chewbacca. Translation? Lucas is a douchebag. The Great Jobless says,

28:10why can't Lucas let Peter Jackson make the movies now? Thank you so much, dude. It's clear we would love that. The illustrious Jabba bids you welcome and will gladly pay you the reward of 25,000. 50,000? Seriously, C-3PO sounds so gay. If it would please Jabba, I would like to grab his price.

28:48What did I say? The mighty Jabba asks for why he must pay 50,000. Because he's holding a thermal detonator. This is the dream trouble. Who did the voice of Jabba? I guess it's B.C. You're a big Boba fan, too, weren't you, Eddie?

29:31Boba Fett was rad. Didn't Boba Fett turn out to be a black guy in the new movies? I thought he turned out to be black. I don't know what he was. Mulatto? He's Dominican. Yeah. You think he turned out to be more of like a space Dominican. He's a designated hitter for the Cubs. Yeah. Didn't Boba Fett play for the Cubs? Pretty soon that was it. Didn't Boba Fett play for the Cubs? Put cork in his bat. I'm not.

30:07But luckily, we're moments away from Billy D. Williams. Colt 45. That's right. Yeah, baby. You know what he's thinking right there? He's going, yep, even I've hit rock bottom for being in this movie. Nah, dude. But I still get the bitches. I'm going to get me some alien tang tonight. Yeah, bitches. I'm going to show them a lightsaber. Mm-mm. Girl, no, you didn't. Unnecessary.

30:38Mm-hmm. Stupid. Way to go, Lucas. Oh. What? Oh, no. What's going on right now? Dude, who puts wind chimes in such an evil place? I know. Nothing says scary lair like wind chimes. Especially indoors. It's effective. In case there's a nice, tough breeze.

31:12You never know. Party in the Carbonite Guy room. Eddie, as a kid, how excited were you to see Han Solo come back to life? I was worried about him, man. I mean, it's tough to survive the carbonite freezing itself, you know? I mean, but is it really this easy to undo carbonite? Well, yeah, dude, you got to get the right codes and stuff.

31:46Oh, you got to have the right codes. Yeah, she's got it. Check it out. See? Look. And we're good. Meltdown begin. Make it all hot and gooey. I mean, it's cool. It's not like he jumps right back to life, either. Yeah, he's got that carbonite blindness and stuff. Give me a break with this, though. These are some special effects. What is it, a microwave? You don't think that looks good? That's the Jiffy Pop Microwave Han Solo. And free.

32:22And after years of being frozen, a perfectly handsome and clean Harrison Ford makes perfect sense. I don't know about that, dude. Look at him. He's flawless. He's flawless. A few years, bro. And now a message from the American Cancer Society. Hello. I can't see. Your eyesight will return in time. Where am I?

32:53Goddard's palace. That's a pretty rotten trick by Leia. Who are you? Hang on. I'm your bitch. Leia. Yeah, babe. Someone loves you. Wow. Leia. Oh, do it. Do it, do it. I gotta get you out of here. Remember when she was cute? Me either. What's that? She's a jerk. I know that, Leia. Surprise! How great would that have been?

33:27If there was like gay burlesque dancers in there? Oh wait, there is. Translation? Don't do such crappy movies in the 90s, Harrison. He's like, oh my eyesight's so messed up it looks like there's a guy with a placenta wrapped around his head behind me. Whoa! I mean, is that vomit coming out of Jabba's mouth? What exactly is that dripping out of his mouth?

34:13Hey, dude, you might want to try some antibiotics on that. Here's my question I must pose. How did Lando get the job of a security guard anyway? Didn't they check his references? I mean, Lando just rolls in. He's like, oh, yeah, I'm going to be a security guard. That's a pretty high, you know, quality post. Don't they know that he's like main security guard, Lando? He's friends with these people. Duh. Chewie, is that you? Oh, the gay thing between Chewbacca and Han.

34:48Always has been, always will be. Shut up. Luke's crazy Can't even take care of himself Much less rescue anybody So he's still frozen From the carbonite Is that why the shivering Dude he's going through Carbonite sickness Damn so stupid He's grabbing his ass I apologize Guys, I don't know that much about the carbonite sickness.

35:23Study up, dude. Apparently you're cold and don't act that great. Side effect. Sean, you don't think there was a gay thing? I don't think so. They're not even the same species. A little bit. Parts don't match up. Don't go there. Totally necessary Wow

35:59Oh there it is rocks Talk about a finisher That is not a bad looking outfit Hell no You may not pass through the wind chimes I must speak Hey Dark Crystal called The one that's creature's back Anybody get that? No, he gets too young back there. Michelle got it. That's all that matters. I would love it if he didn't quite understand. He's like, I will take you to In-N-Out now. Have you guys seen Carrie Fisher now?

36:43What happened to her? Whoa, they just woke up the puppeteers. Jedi knight. That's what I'm saying. What happened? Hey, you guys don't mind if I pull the putt. All right, all right, all right. So is that a no? Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a big deja vu welcome to Leia. You will bring Captain Solo and the Wookiee to me. That's a very convincing laugh, too, by the way.

37:20That's like Skye's, that's like Skye's, uh, what's happening? All right. Nevertheless, I'm taking Captain Solo and his friends. You can either profit by this or be destroyed. It's your choice, but I warn you not to underestimate my power. Master Luke, you're standing on me. Translation, this is the last movie we'll appear in. And it's 1983. I'm black.

37:51Maybe I can help. Oh, no. Blunder. What's up, baby? Now, I will say this. This creature did freak me out at 13 years old.

38:29I mean, look at it. What do they call these, Eddie? Christopher Reeve. I see. Postmortem. Wow. That was a creepy-looking thing, too. How rad that is. There you go. Oh, that's pretty hot. Tastes like chicken.

39:11You'd think he'd be full. Cut to that, Kirk Gibson. That's the old chicken bone trick. Like, where's the cool cheesy line? Want a bone? Exactly. Convincing eyes.

39:54Dude, all these creatures are so greasy. Looks like the freaking Red Sox. It's true. It's like Johnny Damon trying to get to it. I know he's running around up there. Oak Steel second. He can't escape. There's bad guys everywhere.

40:30This is my life with genius upstairs every day. Don't you wish you could do this, though? Yes. Oh, buzzkill. Clear channel security is bombed. Oh, my God. This guy needs a man's ear.

41:06A whoa. Yeah. Hey, guy. A bro? Casting called, and they were like, we want the greasiest, meatiest Neanderthal. Looking for a man with breasts. Yes. Do you have a man with really big tots? That was Joe Camel. Did you guys see Joe Camel? I'm not kidding. I bet this guy got a lot of work after this movie, too. Hey, can you shave your teats? Oh, my God. Are you all right?

41:41Fine. Together again, huh? Wouldn't miss it. How are we doing? He's doing a lot of unnecessary movement there. I'm here. I'm unita. You did? His high exaltedness, the great Jabba the Hutt, has decreed that you are to be terminated immediately. Good, I hate long waits. Why is 3PO always the one giving, like, the sad news? He's the translator, dude. I know, but it's so emotionless. It's like, can you pretend you care about your friends?

42:15What? It's like Boy Blunder. In his belly, you will find a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over the past few years. There. Or as we know, up towards the clear channel. You should have bargained. Yards on it. This is the last mistake you'll ever make. This is so hot. Alright, now this is more crap Lucas added for no reason. That?

42:48This. And this. What? What? And dude, you know, that totally doesn't look like computers and blue screens. I know, man. I don't know why he did this. Oh, come on with that. Look at my Xbox. That is terrible. Can we get an intern like this? Anything. All of this is still new. It's open.

43:18Oh, my God. I think my eyes are getting better. I see a big dark place and a big light. There's nothing to see. I used to live here yet. You're going to die here. Up your face. Just stick close to Chewie and Lamp. Great. That's got to hurt. Oh, yeah.

43:55If only my 50-pound Phoenix penis could work on you, I'd use it. What are you doing here? Well, I can see your seven feet, but this place is dangerous. They're going to execute Master Luke, and if we're not careful, us too. And Jabba had a reproductive organ. Yeah, these are the huts. He jacked with this scene, too. But like this goofy... The eggplant monster? Oh, Little Shop of Horrors. It used to be cool. It was the Great Vagina, and now it's like...

44:30Audrey 2. It's the Venus flytrap. Look at how skinny she is. Oh, I want you. Victims of the almighty Sarlacc, His Excellency hopes that you will die. We can't hear you. It's just a feminine robot, dude. Sorry. Speak up, gay robot. 3PO, you tell that slimy piece of worm-ridden filth, they'll get no such pleasure from us. Very articulate.

45:07Jabba, this is your last chance. It's very threatening coming from you, Luke. Free up or die. This is all you have. This is it. I'm serious this time. I'm seriously going to mess you up and stuff. I'll box your ears, you bastard. You're a big stupid guy. I will hit you with a pillow. Dude, nobody sees them giving signals like that. No. Look at that guy. He's not even paying attention. He's like, man, that thing down there sure does look like an eggplant. Sayonara, baby.

45:43Look at the signals. Come on. Wake up. Shove him in. Idiots. And that. And take that. And then take some of this and that. And some of that. I'll get you with my fuchsia sword. You want some of me? That's seafoam. Gotcha. This is my chartreuse saber of light. Take that, you bad guys.

46:20Take that, oh, evil one. Hey, your butt's on fire. Come back. They should have called you Bubba Hot. Chewie, where's he? Where is he? Oh, and Chewie! This is so sad. Dude.

46:59Seriously. Worst death ever. How did they rule with Boba Fett like that? He's the coolest character in Star Wars. And that was it? That's how he died? That was it? That was the main idea. But his dad has the way cool that he was. Do you think this could really happen? A chick that size, killing a guy that size. Sky, Chuck Lunder. I don't know. Lunder, get in here. Sky, Chuck Lunder. Sky, jump on top of him. Isn't that how Michael Hutchins died?

47:32Mm-hmm. Seriously. Yeah, I think that was it. And it looked just like that. He was about that size. He died the exact same way. He was that fat. But he was that happy, too. This guy, does the tongue do anything for you? The Jabba tongue? No. Check it out, baby. How's Leia doing? That's gorgeous. Dude, those ships are terrible. While those ships are at it, I have a couple of shirts that need pressing. They look like irons.

48:08Grab it. Almost. You almost got it. Whoa. View shitty you. View shitty you. View shitty you. Come on, Lando. Come on, you're black. Give us a better screen than that. Seriously, I bet if it were an NBA contract, you could reach it. Chewie, give me the gun. Don't move, Lando. Oh, wait, I thought you were fine.

48:40It's all right. I can see a lot better. Don't move. It's a little higher. It's a little higher. I just need the black machine. Chewie, pull some. Give me my pick. Damn, my relaxer is drying out. Come on, we got to get out of here. I ain't got a plan. I'm getting the fridge. Oh, the weather's so dry out here. It'd tear up a brother's hair. My feet are so ashy. Damn. My feet are so ashy. Look at my skin.

49:14Oh, yeah. See crack right there? Could anything else happen to that hand? Give me a break. That's the hand that he uses. This one's for incest. Let's go. And don't forget the droids. We're on our way. Well, good thing we have these handy droid magnets on a ship none of us have ever driven before.

50:00ship, right? Obviously, the old droid magnet. Release the droid magnets! And I'll just pilot this bad boy out of here. Time to call AIS on that barge, huh, Eddie? That's 1-800-777-4AIS, by the way. If Java needs the number, it's... Just a 10-minute phone call could save you hundreds of... You're a clown. Your line should be assembled by now. I will. Hey, Luke, thanks. Thanks for coming after me. Seriously, dude, I'll get you apart in seven days and seven nights.

50:37That's right, R2, we're going to the Dagobah system. Man, that didn't mess up any of the mechanics in the house. Yeah, no kidding. Doesn't anything need to be done to that? WD-40. Oh, enough with the construction job. And dude, look at that. Yeah.

51:12Look at how many stormtroopers there are. How do you feed that many stormtroopers? It's a buffet. Is it a buffet? Well, you know what? Sometimes they do potluck. Because, I mean, it's just so many of them to have to deal with. And laundry. See how they're all different colors? Right. The blacks bring a dessert. The whites bring a salad. Somebody brings like a fruit. Oh, wait. Luke Skywalker's there. Somebody brought the fruit.

51:45Senator Palpatine, everybody knows it's you. Just give it up. Sorry. The Death Star will be completed on schedule. We know it's you. We know it's you, Palpatine. And now I sense you wish to continue your search for young Skywalker. Yes, my sister. I know she's not listening right now. My friend. The Emperor looks so much like my Aunt Carmen. It's just... No, it's... But I'm just telling you. You must bring him before. The resemblance.

52:18So strong. Only together can we turn him to the dark side of the force. All right, so he doesn't look that old, but the resemblance is there. Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen. Where do you launder that gate? Scooby-Doo. Scooby-Doo. Go back to being quiet. Hey!

52:51Dude, the mystery machine's going to pull up any second. You don't know. Take another hit. Your face is jacked. Jacked it is. The face you make. Look I so old to you guys. No more movies you will make. Of course not. Bad actor you are. Soon the guy that does his hand up my ass will get very tired. Sick have I become. I hope I'm weak. Man who does, my voice passed away.

53:28You reach, look as good you will not. I don't reverse. Soon will I rest. Yes. Forever sleep. Would you like to see my genitals? Who did I have? Yes, I would. See them, you will. Help me with robe. Must take off room. See genitals now. I'm too tired to show penis now.

54:04Must rest. Have an innie I do. What do you think he keeps in that little pouch? Wiener. Keep wiener in pouch. I see weed. Franks and beans. I've come back to complete the training. No more training to require. Already do you? That's what you need. Pass, guess I did. Eat the beans and franks again. Just remember, joke.

54:37Two black guys walk into bar. Dude, I'm not kidding. Yoda is the guy that sings the Gobbellish America during the Yankee games. Seventh inning stretch right now. Seriously, just greener. Not just kidding. And confront him, you will. Master Yoda. Is Darth Vader my father? Does Luke just ask for the little boy cut at Supercuts?

55:11Is that how it works? Yes. Master Yoda. Why did they cast such a bad actor to play my father in the prequels? Master Yoda, do you cut hair? Cut it, I will not. Flow me, I have. Go to it, it is. Still upset about you not seeing genitals. Unexpected, this is. I cannot reach them.

55:45Hands too short. Oh, wait! No, I think, no, that's not it. Got some shrinkage. Too cold and cold in here. Put me closer to the fire, you will. One thing's at ease, look out. I'm sorry. Reminds. A Jedi's strength flows from the Force. Genitals.

56:21I was born with one test. Anger. Fear. The dark side of the day. Once you start down the dark, man, forever will it dominate your destiny. Sounds like he's... Well, everything is like he's taking a poo. No. And you will... Oh, bad one that was. What'd I eat?

56:56I don't remember eating broccoli. Foochee. Yes, he speaks Spanish. Foochee. Foochee, que presa. The last of the day. Shut up and die, Muppet. Where's Fozzie? Waka waka. before i go one jew joke okay so it's not jews i can do a bar forget punch line this is us at three o'clock apparently even muppets can overact

57:45And I found genitals Good night Man, that is a touching, touching acting job You can just see the not caring on his face Dude, it was a car accident He was jacked up, I'm not kidding Look at it. That's what I'm seeing. Yes.

58:17Don't go. No! Very realistic. It's very sad. Work on soundstage alone now, you will. Nah, dude. These Dagobah scenes were filmed on Fiesta Island. Look at that. I'm not kidding. OTL going on in the background? No? Nothing for that? Local reference? Screw you guys. It smells like pizza in here. Does he want pizza?

58:50Yep. Clint's here? Clint brought pizza. Where's Clint? My boy, dude. Clint's here. Dude, what's up? Yoda will always be here. I didn't know Clint was here. That's awesome. You want McGregor? Oh. No, no. Damn it. Why didn't you tell me? That you were gay? I didn't know until now. In that schmock, I can tell you are. Obi-Wan, what is that film around you?

59:27I was near Yoda's fad. No, Fiesta Island, dude. I wasn't kidding. You know, Obi-Wan, you can wash that gray right out of that deer. I knew him when he was a bad child actor in Phantom Menace. There are grown-up haircuts.

1:00:09I go to a queer in Hillcrest named Phil. It's quite good, really. Wonderful. I can't go to a real haircut guy. You must, Luke. You're a grown-up. Then the Emperor has already won. This is a Jedi guilt trip right here. You were our only hope. Luke, I've never told you this, but it's a good one. Two queers walk out and walk out.

1:00:42Okay, okay. Enough with that. But I have no sister. To protect you both from the Emperor, you want to... We gave you male and female parts. You are both your brother and your sister. If Anakin will have any... Go ahead. Give them a try. All these years, I thought that was a pen holder. What? Luke, I can hold you like a bowling ball. Lay as my sister. I can make you into a Luke-sickle. Bury your feelings deep down, Luke.

1:01:19They do you credit, but they could be made to serve the Emperor. Followed by the dildo ship. Oh, my God. Whoa! Holy crap! Oh, my God. Admiral Salamander. Dude. Someone must have told them about my little maneuver at the Battle of Tenev.

1:01:54Well, don't look at me, pal. No, actually, they told them that you're a giant black wiener. A black guy as a general? Now I've seen everything. Did you see? They dressed me as a 1970s pimp. Next thing you know, they're going to let you play quarterback. It's called affirmative action, brother. Whatever. I don't have to ride in the back of the spaceship anymore. Back of the Falcon for you, Lando.

1:02:25The weapon systems of this Death Star are not yet operational. This must be the future. It's a joke. It's just a joke. I didn't mean it. It's just a joke. Hey, hey. What? Not cool. Most important of all, we've learned that the Emperor himself is personally overseeing the stages of the construction of this Death Star. I'm a 1970s figure skater. Many bosses have died to bring us this information. Admiral Ackbar, please. You can see. Oh, God, he is making me so hungry for calamari. Dude.

1:03:00I mean, look at him. Seriously. I want some calamari. Did George Lucas run out of ideas at this point in the script? A freaking salamander. Yeah. That's so stupid. He's like, what we need here is half salamander, half dick. God, wait. Yeah, that'll work. I know kids are going, but they don't know what a penis is. Any attack is to be attempted. Once the shield is down, our cruisers will create a perimeter while the fighters fly into the superstructure

1:03:34and attempt to knock out the main reactor. I don't get the voice either. General Calrissian has volunteered to lead the fighter attack. Good luck. General Calrissian, you're black. You're gonna need it. Yep. General Nagy. General Brother. Imperial shuttle. This guy. This guy is a cargo ship and using a secret... Apparently they do have Chinese laundry on this planet. Oh, that's a sweet haircut, too. Who's given a haircut in this galaxy?

1:04:10Brie Walker? Luke has the little boy cut. He has the little queer cut. That's one. Count me in. I'm with you, too. No thanks, gay guy. Yeah. What is it? I want to bone my sister. Ask me later. Luke. Hi, hon. Chewie. A cinnamon bun head. I think Chewie's got the best haircut of all of them.

1:04:49Eddie, if you could have, would you have wanted to be on this ship? Falcons to experience it. Sure. Hell yeah, dude. I think I can pilot that thing. I want you to take her. I mean it. Take her. You need all the help you can get. She's the fastest ship in the world. Oh, man. I'm not kidding. All of them. He had all of them. Do you still have them? I have the Falcons still. I sold all my figures at like a garage sale for like a nickel. I'm so pissed. And Lando stole the rest. No. Hey.

1:05:22I got your promise. Not a scratch. Too good going, you pirate. I mean, seriously, man. Get out of here. Get on that hunk of chunks and fly on the house. Get out of here, cracker man. I ain't even lying. Peace out, my brother. If I'm lying, I'm lying. You hunk. Yeah, well, I don't think the Empire had wookies in mind when they designed her chewing. What happened to Han Solo?

1:06:02Hey, you awake? Yeah, I just got a funny feeling. Nice priest collar, by the way. Father Han, can you bless this ship before we leave? Right. Chewie, let's give it to you. Look at that, dude. It's a priest collar. Look at it. He's got a sweet vest on. Here we go again. Nothing says tough like a Yaru vest. Hang on.

1:06:39Badass. Just finished building it. Dude, this is nice. Shut up. Did you just say Halliburton? She said Halliburton. Halliburton's not looking at the Death Star. What? He's actually pretty funny, Scott. Although there would be. That's what I'm saying. Hey, there's Dick Cheney right there. Ah, that's him. Good call. Call Rope. What of the reports of the rebel feet massing his solace? It is a never-assend.

1:07:14Soon the rebellion will be crushed and young Skywalker will be one of us. Soon our rap will be destroyed. a little democratic humor over there on the left side yeah look where they're sitting on the left there's a lot of costume changes like there's a different suit you wear

1:07:49to fly, and all the different action figures, bro. Ah, you can do each of them. Seriously. Oh, okay. Blunder's got to hit a legal ID, so those of you listening on the air right now, you're going to hear this little thing we've got to do every hour. Don't worry about it. Still watching. Yeah, we're still watching. Leia sounds like a dude. Very true. Leia. She's got kind of a deep voice. Let's play Do You Sound Hot. All right.

1:08:23You can do that with a voice. But don't look like you're trying to... All right. I think he sounds sexy. I mean, he... Fly casual. You're listening to the 28-hour Mikey Marathon. The following takes place between 11 p.m. and midnight. On KIOC San Diego's Rock Station. Rock 105.3. Events occur in real time. I was about to clear them. That wasn't intrusive at all.

1:08:59Intrusive? Yeah. Imagination. Come on, let's keep a little optimism. Shall I hold it? No. Leave them to me. Hey, if you're going to make comments, we might as well... Do it in the mic. They're like... The Dick Cheney comment was bomb, I'm sorry. This is so great.

1:09:34This is so awesome. Was it bomb, Sean? Yes, it was bomb. Perfect. That's him, that's Dick Cheney. I like seeing a six-foot-four guy in his pajamas use the word bomb. Come on, let's have some fun. Who's that, Sean? Lucas had a thing With all helmets looking like penises Even Darth Vader's helmet

1:10:07Looks like that Welcome to Planet Muppet Put your tray tables up And your beliefs in George Lucas aside So true Who did those helmets? Lance Armstrong? Are they going to really protect anything? No kidding Look at that thing Whoever made those helmets had a lot of balls Well, maybe not Should we try and go around? It'll take time This whole party will be for nothing if they see us

1:10:40Should we take these useless helmets off? Julie and I will take care of this You stay here Quietly There might be more of them out Take your helmet off Seriously, shush They're all scuffed up Like they've seen action That's exactly what I thought Like what have they done What are these guys doing Are they looking for shrooms They come out of the box like that What are they doing Sky and her husband What are they doing They're looking for shrooms Chewie's taking a dump behind the tree Uh oh

1:11:16Go Phil go Great It's a Yamaha Ted Nugent played Chewy in that shot That's right Over there, tomorrow night I see them playing I see them, come on, let's go Let's go I'm a guy, but I won't drive Girl power

1:11:53Oh my god, you're so good at driving this sucker I don't even know how to drive that now It's all standard I mean, what the hell? God, this is so super scary This is in stick shift Get alongside that one I hate to be a backseat driver, but holy Sonny Bono actually auditioned for that part. It had to be said.

1:12:48All I know is I've got the cute one. They're coming up from behind. I've heard that before. I'm on the brakes. I'm going to fly right by. That's just a move I ever saw, man. Hey, didn't that happen? The princess died. Had to be said, right, Eddie? Had to be said. Maybe now I'm figuring out what you were saying.

1:13:25You didn't think those helmets had any action. Everybody's flying into trees around this place. And if you didn't have the helmet on, you'd be dead. It protects you against hitting trees at 750 miles an hour. God, I wish we had those now. So does Gary Busey. - Helmet. - Yeah. - Go ahead, keep hitting it. - Oh, God, thank God for my helmet. - I got a helmet on. - I'm good. - I don't!

1:14:01Oh, thank God. Don't worry, Leigh, I'm still working this sucker. Oh, he looks so good and white. - You don't have your yellow bracelet on. -