28 Hour Show - 2005 - Part 26

0:00Corpus, there's a Starbucks here. They're everywhere. We've been out there for over 40 days and no one's gotten sick. You think this is the only part of it that's true? Do you ever think that maybe they put you down here to push a button every 100 minutes just to see if you would? That all of this, the computer, the button, it's just a mind game. Hey, lazy eye. Notice Desmond's got like... Look at that eye. Okay. Lizard eye. And for all I sakes, I hope it's not real. Chameleon eye going on there.

0:35But the film says this is an electromagnetic station. Yeah, well, the magnet's pulling your eye. But every time I walk past that concrete wall out there, my feeling's hot. Uh-oh. Right. Oh, my. Oh, my. It's going to happen. Oh, my. It's going to happen. Oh, great. Damn it. I can't believe this. Crap.

1:07What happened? Oh, gosh. It's called a power surge lock. It's over. What do you mean it's over? I mean, it's the opposite of beginning. It's a great show. What are you doing?

1:39Spam? Spam? Are you leaving? Oh, no. Take some shots. We can fix the computer. Saeed is coming. He knows it. Take my best. Did he take any of the vials? Yeah. Yeah. Like a handful or something? Yeah, a couple handfuls. What's that? Picture. What is that, Dave? Who is that? We've got to figure that out. You can't leave. Where are you going? As far as I can run, brother. No. Later.

2:14That means something's going to blow up. As far as I can run. What should we do? Nothing. Said said the thing about the nuclear power plant. This isn't what was supposed to happen. What, did you read the script? What was supposed to happen? Please, don't leave me here. Bye, John. Are you going to be scared? No. Did you just ditch them like that?

2:54Yeah. That's messed up. Well, they're not friends. Yeah. He is always so back-sweaty. Oh, gosh. Oh, oh, no. We don't have time for this. Butterfingers. Wow. Counter. What am I supposed to do? Who are you talking to? I wouldn't have left him. It's an excedent moment. Oh, my. Oh, goodness.

3:26Man, who had the idea of bringing the couches in here? And why didn't they? That sounded comfy, didn't it? That's probably better they didn't, though. I'd be asleep in about five seconds. What exactly is going on with Boston? I'm trying to ignore it. I'm getting my hair done. You are getting your hair done. What is going on around here? Have you noticed what's gone over here, too? No, what's going on over there? Well, I'm thinking it may have something to do with this. I'm not so sure.

3:58What? What is going on, Rob? I'm getting my dreadlocks fixed up, tightened up. Tightened up. Tightened up. It's actually very soothing. Who's doing that? My friend, Kimberly. Your friend, Kimberly? Yes. How long have you known Kimberly? What time did you get here? How did you meet her? She sent me an email. Today? Yeah, you guys busted on my locks, so she said she would help me out with it. Well, Kimberly, how do you know what you're doing with the locks? Do you do that, like...

4:31Well, look at her locks. Professionally? Yeah, her locks. Your locks look great. I have, yeah. I have my own locks, and I just, I kind of run my own little business where I help people fix theirs up, and I give people dreads, too. Wow. That's cool. I love that. Well, welcome. God help him. Thanks for you. Seriously, do something. Yeah, can you make those things of his look better? We're working on it. I've never done it in the dark before. Yeah, that can't be very easy. Well, that's how he got his original easy. Yeah, exactly. By a blind man. Yeah. Obviously. Now, I don't want to jump to conclusions or anything, but is Shawnee old boy cool? Does he want to move over there?

5:07I don't know. Shawnee just walked by outside the door. What's he doing? Well, I don't know if this is, you know, a problem for him. Maybe. Because of his head. It may. Rebecca says yes. Oh, is it, honey? That's what I... Get on the microphone. What did he say? That was my thought. Get on the microphone. What did Shawnee say? Well, he didn't specifically reference the dreadlock rolling or whatever you call it, locking. But he went, oh, I can't handle this anymore. And he got up and he walked out. So, I mean, I think we're safe to assume that he was a little bit grossed out.

5:44Oh, that's awesome. He might want to switch places with somebody. I don't know. Just real quick, guys. Christmas present, pay attention. I didn't see it. Sorry. Star Wars Battlefront 2. Come on. I don't know what that means. I'm going to sit where Sean was sitting then, so I could at least sit by my wife. Yeah, and then Shawnee O'Big can sit here, and hopefully that'll be cool. He comes back. Yeah, if we see him again. When he comes back, should I ask if he wants to pet me? Um, no. Not even close. I don't have headphones, though.

6:18Do you want some? Do you want some? Huh? You want a soda? No, it doesn't matter. I don't think I need headphones. No, you sound good. Can you hear me in this thing? Yeah, you're a little hot. Can you hear me? Is it real? Is it hot? You're good there. Hot mic. Hot mic. I think you're good there. Got a hot mic here. Turn this thing down. I think you're good. Turn this thing down a little bit. All right. Just don't be all up in it. Thank you, Skye. Well, he was a first. Once again, your advice. Warranted. Thank you. No one asked, but thank you. Just don't be all up in it, Mike.

6:52Ah, yes. Juicy juice. It's going to move you. hey sky so rude give me a break give me a break what do you mean shut up hey sky it better not be like this all night what do you mean give me a break well every time an african-american gentleman has come on the screen oh hey sky african-american gentleman by the way is that random Every time an African-American gentleman

7:29Well that's what he wants Hey gentlemen My African-American gentleman From foggy Harlem Foggy Harlem Did you just say that? Foggy Harlem Town That's disgusting Back on I gotta do that every time Go back Where is Sean? Creepy He's walking it off. He's walked back to San Jose. Poor guy. Oh, the scar.

8:07Here he is. Here comes Sean. Here comes Sean. Oh, wickety. We can get... Sean, Sean, you can sit over there. We've got a space set aside for you so that you don't get creeped out by Rob and what Rob's doing. Busted. Sean. Sean, go around. Go around. Are you okay here? Or maybe we can move the mic like right there. Sean is very hot. Why are you doing this?

8:39I agree with him. He feels hot no matter where he goes. He is hot. I'll tell you what, he is hot. I just want a hulking man. You're scared. You're scared of moving forward. Hey, baby. With me, with us. No, not everybody's Al Bundy, Peg. I don't know what Peg. She does look like Peg. She does look like Peg. You okay. All right. That's the whole night. My God. Are you kidding me? What did I miss?

9:14I'm so confused. What did I miss? The last 22 years. Peg Bundy! Oh, damn. Oh, sweet. Bonbons, what up? Shout out. I don't know what's going to happen. Oh, no, hey. None of us do. That's why it's called A Leap of Faith. Eddie, how old do you think Peg is? It's like celebrity birthdays? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

9:46I'll say 46. Good guess. Skye? Um, I was going to say 47. Oh! I would say... 49. Wow. Boston Rob. I'm going to have to go 48 because Eddie took my 46, but that's okay. Sean. 73. Hey. Come on. Since we don't know, somebody will have to look it up for us on the computer and call it into the show for when we're done watching this. Well, she looks great.

10:20Over and under on Hurley's weight. Oh, no. How will we find out? 350 is the over and under. John, where's Jack? Sky. Oh, thanks, God. I need your help. Over. Really? I watch The Biggest Loser. How many times can I mess up? I almost have to take myself out of this. I'm a professional. I watch The Biggest Loser. What was she saying? Sean. They wave people every week, and they, like, take off their shirt. Can you stop screaming into the microphone?

10:53Can you shut them down? I mean, it's not hard. Both microphones are pretty loud. Well, all she has to do is hold it away from her mouth. Yeah, hold it away from your mouth, guys. Figure it out. Like an alcohol. Hey, Scott, don't be all up in it. Does that help? That's some good professional advice. Okay, good. You figured it out now. While you're getting your hair down. All right, here's what I'm going to do. You're in a place to ask you to call for help. Sick prisoner, are you serious? Yeah, he's 51.

11:25But you're going to have better ideas. No, she's 51. 51 Holy cow 51 What did I say? 49 49 You were the closest, Mike, you win Holy cow, 51 How many punches for B-Rod? 94 3 Gosh, I guess I was too busy getting hit in the face with a club Autisty, Autisty How come you're suddenly so interested, Cupcake? Hey!

11:58I don't like the way she holds a gun. It's not, like, right. Stop picking on Michelle Rodriguez. I don't like her. Will you just leave her be? That was so cool. Wasn't that great? That was great. Hold everybody.

12:36Oh, that was awesome. Dang it. That was awesome. Oh, it's good stuff. Unbelievable. We could actually watch Jimmy Kimmel if we wanted to. No, I'll pass. He's pretty funny, isn't he? Kimmel? Ow. Sorry, that was my skull. That's so cool. Boston Rob is getting his dreadlocks tightened. I love it. It's so awkward. It's soothing. It really is. No, it really is.

13:08Why? It's relaxing. Is that right? Rubbing your head. Yeah. Can you fall asleep? It's real relaxing. No, I'm into this show. I'm trying to figure out where they got the dog. I'm almost going to get the full release. I'm trying to show the dog that was on the plane. You can't do that. Yes, you can. When they fly in cargo. You're getting that done on a port-a-potty, Rob? What are you doing? You're sitting on a... Yeah. It's really relaxing. I love getting my dreadlocks done. Okay.

13:44Gross. Gross, gross, gross. Oh, I hate this commercial. Oh, it still looks scary. Yeah, it does. It freaks me out, dude. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Have you seen this commercial? It's, like, gross. What is this? Check it out. Just watch. Just because people are different, Skye. Just watch what happens. Yeah, Skye. Oh, I take some TheraFlu. Oh, no way. Animal. Oh. That's awful. Oh, look. Normal guy. Not much different. Oh, come on. Wow. Yeah.

14:15I guess that TheraFlu works good. TheraFlu thin strips. That's right. I prefer the fat strips myself. Oh, yeah. I wonder if people take that thinking they're going to look better, like better looking. God, are you so, are you, seriously, you're a dumb one. Hey. What did I say? Hey. What did I say? Did you? Oh. Oh, that is awesome. That is awesome. That was pretty much the point of the commercial. Oh, my God. Oh, there it flew. Oh, my God. It could have been like, wow. You get what I'm saying.

14:48Oh, my God. It's me, you get what I'm saying. Shut up. We're all over it. How's the dreads coming along? They're doing good. I'm enjoying Aerosmith. It's doing really good. God, so juvenile. Oh, hello. Sellouts. Yeah, that's a little weak. Yeah.

15:21There's another handsome pepper guy. Yeah, what do you think, Sky? A little salt and pepper action? I haven't seen this one. some of that. Hold on. Find me an older sugar daddy that's up right now in my world. I'm not as good as the other guy, though. I agree. The progressive guy. Put like an ad out in the newspaper. Stellar. Ashley. What's up? Put like an ad out in the reader. Like a classified? Yeah. Well, I don't know if I would that. How would that go? You stop there. Dear hot older guys, are you looking for a young

15:54dink bat? Pay for stuff for me. Thank you. Can you still pummel from behind? Shut up, diarrhea boy. Porter potty man. Diarrhea boy. Porter potty man. You got him. And round one goes to Ashley. Thank you. For porter potty man. This is a good show. I like this shit.

16:25What is this? Invasion. You're watching it, Sky? Yeah. I'm in on it. They got that guy, Eddie, from whatever that poker show was. You know what I'm talking about? Sorry on ESPN. The poker drama, not real poker. You know what I'm talking about, Dirty. Tilt. Thank you. Okay, thank you. Yes. He's the guy from that. Are you sure it's not like a lost wannabe? Well, yeah, no, it tries, but I still appreciate the effort. I see what they're trying to do. Yeah, Desperate Housewives. That's the lamest show on TV. I said it.

16:58Lamest show on TV. You're saying that next to your girlfriend, dude? You're damn right, Eddie. Yeah, she likes that. I hate it. She loves that show. You don't mean it, Eddie. I've never seen it. I've never watched it. Eddie, you don't mean it. I'm saying it. Do it. Do it. Back on! Oh, okay. That was dumb. stop hey mike all right hey dude yeah the code yeah what listen carefully yeah sean yeah you don't want to disturb everybody okay again for eight could you pass me my soda please

17:47nothing is going on i'm thirsty too that's so intrusive okay sean is such an interruption i'm trying to watch a show you want to shoot me shoot me yeah why are you running you don't even know what you're running that's right oh really i remember you that's right i remember you look what you did jack i knew you i met you all right you had a bad haircut i was training yeah you twisted your

18:31ankle here stop you're a doctor right there was this girl you you were worried you said You said you failed her. How did that jumpsuit get that oily? A lot of button pressing. From his hair. Button pressing's really dirty. I married her! Oh, no. Oh, no. What happened to her, Jack? Come on, Jack, just tell us already. You're asking. You're a pussy.

19:06Because he has a heart. You're not married anymore then? I'm not, no. No one knows why. And I'm crying. Did you see the notebook? Obviously. I've called to Netflix. Well, it's in my queue. See you in another life yeah?

19:38What does that mean? Sky? Breakdown. Oh, I wish I knew dude. Come on. You know it means something. It's a sweet Jansport backpack though, tell you what. I think it was actually East Bay. No, you don't know that. Can you face it? I'm a big fan. This man, whoever he was. The place where he was. There's the motherboard. I wish that Kevin Douglas from Engineering was walking to that place to try to fix some of this stuff. What I need to do is my God.

20:13I'm a little busy trying to fix this out. What the hell did you do to it? What did you spill some Coca-Cola in it? That was great. Who was drinking hot? Mikey! Who was drinking cocoa? Jeff and Jeff, computer sprocket too. It's not about what you've done has affected Jeff and Jeff. Oh, what's that? So you ain't working on it. You have to.

20:44I know what I have to do. Oh, he knows, dude. Nice that Kate sat there and not said a word for the last hour. She was looking for the breaker. Yeah. Come on, leave Kate alone. Pong. Oh, oh. It's on. Jason, what now? It was a code. You guys got pitfall? What code? Do you remember what it is? I do. Four. Eight. Wait a minute. Fifteen. Oh, oh, oh. Sixty. Dude, I'm serious. Stop.

21:14One-eight-three. Yeah, well, I think it is. Twenty-three. What is this thing? We didn't even know what it does. I mean, it's 32. Who's it? Oh, oh. Forty-two. You know what? You don't, yeah. Forget it. Go ahead, do your thing. Yeah, yeah, you're good. Some numbers are wrong, son. It's not 32. Go ahead, Jack. It's 42. Jack, let's see what happened. He just told me, Desmond. The last number's 42. You're sure? Yeah, I'm sure.

21:49Okay, Wok. Wok always has the coolest cuts. Very true. Oh, my. You do it, Jack. Oh, please. What's that about? Just do it. We have two minutes. You have to do it. You do it yourself, Jack.

22:21I'm just getting a slap right over it. You have to do it. Now, you have to do it. Now, you have to do it. You have to do it. Stop it, you do it after you do it. Say it, don't. Jack, it's not real. Look, if you want to push the button, you do it yourself. If it's not real, then what are you doing here, Jack? Why did you come back? Why do you find it so hard to believe? Kate's the hottest piece on the island. What do you think it came back? Can somebody just do it, please? Thanks.

22:59No. It's a button. I can't do this alone, Jack. Yeah, because typing is so hard by yourself. I don't want to. I type one word per minute. It's a leap of faith, Jack. Oh, come on. Do it already.

23:35You're a sheep, Jack. Control-Alt-Delete. Yeah. Very awesome. Do it. Oh, coward. Oh, look at that. What are we? execute give me something to that kind of weird huh it's not like enter

24:07it's not like turn nobody's ever seen execute on a computer I'll take the first shift now you're done Oh, come on. Oh, oh, oh, oh, man. Oh. Get back up. Some people will be talking about all year long. It's over?

24:39Sawyer. This is it. No, no, no, no, Sawyer. You would risk our lives and help him. Next Wednesday. Finally. Oh. Do you see him? Whoa. One of these survivors will be lost forever. Oh. Oh, my God. And all new Lost. Next Wednesday night. Yeah, baby. Come on. What I'm talking about. Break back to a new episode. Well, we know what happens. We've heard all the rumors. Kill Saeed. Oh, stop. I said it.

25:10We've heard all the rumors. They say that Shannon is going to die next week. No, but I bet they changed it. All right, yeah. So what are we doing, guys? What are we doing here? Oh, can I put on my jamkins? Yeah, I kind of want to, too. Your jamkins? Yeah, I want to put on my jamkins. I'm sorry, my jammy-jamkins. Eddie, how should we work this? Why don't we play something from a little bit earlier or play one of our things that we want to introduce people to that will give everybody a chance to kind of get wearing what they're going to wear and everybody can get their copies of the movie that we're going to watch.

25:45We're going to be watching Lord of the Rings, Fellowship of the Ring, and so this will give everybody kind of the opportunity. What do you think? Yeah, that's fine. Okay. But we've got to go. Ashley's got to go play it because Sydney's not going to know what to do. Yeah, and I've got to go, too. I've got to go, too. Eddie, hold it right here. I'll go with her because I just have to go in there because that's where my stuff is. Skye, you do, too, right? Yeah. Well, Ashley has to go get something to play. Okay. I don't know. What should we do, Eddie? You got any ideas?

26:17Yeah, we'll let Ashley go play it, and then as soon as she plays it, then we can go get our stuff together. Okay. Then we'll just wait until she starts it. Okay. I don't know, Eddie. What do you think? Whatever. Anything. Yeah. Okay. Bye. Something good, Ashley. That's something good. I'm so discouraged. It takes forever to do anything. It drives me nuts. Miserable. Ashley? You're miserable? No, I said it's miserable trying to get her to do it. Oh, dude. I mean, I tell her to do something and she'll, like, you know, blow her nose. I mean, she's got no, like, sense of urgency.

26:51No. Makes me crazy. That's the truth. She's getting proactive, though. I like that. You know, like with her makeup and stuff. Yeah. Where'd Boston Rob go? I don't know. Have a butt. So it's almost 10. Probably get a man out here. And I'm thinking to myself, what time am I going to start drinking the caffeine? I know. Hit the delay for us. Cool? Okay. Yeah, get that thing going there, boys. Thank you, Robbie Shades.

27:24Robbie Shades. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. You hit that delay, will you there, buddy A? Over or under on what time Sean falls asleep during the movie? Oh, nice. Sean can't fall asleep during the movie because he's going to be making funny comments right along with us. Come on. I got 50 minutes. 50 minutes? 15? 50, 5-0. 50, that's interesting, okay. Is that the over-under is 50 minutes? Yeah.

27:55Under. He's going to be the sky. Yeah, I'm thinking under. Eddie? Sorry, you're big. I love you. Eddie? I'm going over, Sean. Thank you. Way to go, Eddie. 51 minutes. 51. Yeah, it happens. Damn, look at this. This is going to be cool. Whoa. Am I high or is that thing, like, moving around? Colonel's is all about it, dude. Colonel's working it. Oh. Liggity of the riggities. Liggity of the riggities, by the way.

28:30Thank you. Yeah, we're going to play something, get ready, and then get this all. Yeah, I've got to get the jam getting on. Put your movies in your DVDs, people. Yeah, just get ready. Get to the main menu, and we'll tell you when to hit play. Get to the main menu of Fellowship of the Ring. Lord of the Rings, Fellowship of the Ring. I've got to drop a deuce. I'm just saying, do you want me to do that before the movie starts? Rude. I have to. We don't need to know. It's brewing. Okay. Hey, Eddie. Yes, Holmes.

29:02Is like an eight-minute break cool, or do you want a little longer? I mean, is that enough time for you guys to get changed? Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. I'll do our best. Okay. Start it. Sisany, it's the... Oh, Gay Chase. Look at this. It's the first tough love. Right after we mention on the air that Gay Chase hadn't shown up. Far left of the wall. Ah! Okay, good. Are you going to start something? Ashley? Ashley, Sissany, anybody? Sorry, Sissany didn't know where the wall was.

29:37All right. Here we go. Okay, well, help her. You're there. You hear that. It is a... Yeah, but I was in the other room. It's a little indication. Shut up now. The city of San Diego is about to begin to heal. We're getting a break with that. You see, folks, every week we do a segment on the show called Tough... Tough love with Eddie, with our producer and our sports guy. A lot of people would say that he's insensitive, but no, that's not what it is. What it is is that he shoots from the hip.

30:12Those people don't get it. That's right. Gives it to you straight. And so this is your opportunity to go to MikeyShow.com, click on tough love with Eddie, and ask him a question, as people do. We get literally hundreds of emails a week. And get some help. That's right. Our first letter reads, Dear Eddie, I wanted to get your opinion on something. My brother's best friend is 21 and still a virgin. I just turned 27 and I'm pretty experienced.

30:46He came up to me the other day and asked if I would show him the ropes. He wanted his first time to be a good experience. I have to admit, deflowering someone at this stage in the game is pretty hot to me. Should I help the kid out? What do you think? Signed, P1 Allison in Mission Hills. Daddy? Dear Sex and the Pity. Sounds like you will spread your legs quicker than butter going on toast.

31:23All right, listen, Allison. If you want to throw a pity F away, I'm out hooking my boy Boston Rob up, okay? That poor kid couldn't get laid in Hawaii. Now, the only virgin you should be going around is olive oil, if you know what I'm talking about, okay? You're probably going to ruin this kid for life. I mean, imagine the first time with a total whore like you. I mean, how is he going to be able to compare after that? So, seriously, let this poor bastard find his own way and go play Chinese finger trap with some other perpy victim, okay? Next letter.

32:02Just trying to help. Our next letter reads, Dear Eddie, I'm having some trouble with the ladies. I've been trying to find a date for a while by trolling the bars downtown in PB. uh and in pb it's been really hard finding a woman who's not totally stuck on height i admit that i am a little on the short side but i'm not a midget which is what most women treat me like do you have any advice for a guy that's five two and a half oh

32:43Signed, P1, look at Sky, like not laughing at all. Well, what's funny about this? Signed, P1 Justin in Carlsbad. Oh, no. Well, then, Sky, you're not going to find this funny at all, either. You're the runt for Red October. These people are asking for your help, dude. If you'll please. You're going to make them feel worse. If you'll please. Oh, my God. Fresh shrimp.

33:20Get your fresh shrimp here. All right. Come on. Let's be serious. Be serious. Be serious. Five, two and a half, and you're not a midget? Guess what, mini-me? You're half an inch away from being the shop steward of the lollipop guild, all right? I'm glad you're making yourself laugh at me. How do you think this guy feels? You can't reach the radio. What are you talking about?

33:55Seriously though, come on. What's with this and a half BS do? That's like saying, oh yeah, I have two and a half fingers on my right hand. It's still not enough. And the half doesn't change the fact that you're deformed, okay, you know? That is what he is, no matter how you slice it. Deformed. All right, so here's my advice, Bilbo. And trust me, I racked my brains for several hours on this. Take all 85 pounds of you and dwarf-toss yourself off the Coronado Bridge.

34:36Seriously, the women of San Diego's kneecaps will thank you for it. Horrendous fight. Oh, next letter. That's horrible. Oh, my hurts. Oh, my God. Our next letter reads, Dear Eddie, I think I may have ruined a really good friendship. My roommate Shelly and I have known each other since grade school, and she's been talking about our neighbor Ryan for days. He moved into our apartment complex in PB last summer,

35:12and she's been going on about him ever since. I listened, but never thought much of him myself. That is until this last weekend. You see, we have a cool apartment place where everyone hangs out on the roof and lays out, smokes cigarettes, and drinks beers. Well, me and Ryan were up there this last weekend having some cocktails, and one thing led to another. Do I tell Shelly? I don't even like him, so it's not that big a deal. What do you think? Signed, P1 Lonnie in PB.

35:47Benny? Dear Diddler on the roof. You are one dirty little pig. Seriously, where were you and your apartment when I was looking for a place last summer? I searched high and low for a complex with loose chicks that would spin on old friendships and whore out in public places. I came up with nothing. I came up with nothing. You don't have to go that far. To think that just a short drive away in PB,

36:20such a skank was not only available, but actively messing around with guys she could give two craps about. Your friend Shelly really hit the jackpot with you, man. You also kick her pets when she's gone. Take turds in her laundry basket. We haven't seen a roomie like you since Christina Ricci hooked up with Charlize Theron in Monster. With roommates like you, who needs double-crossing, backstabbing sluts?