All shows / 28 Hour Show 2006 - Rock 105.3
28 Hour Show - 2006 - Hour 16
2006
28 Hour Show 2006 - Rock 105.3KIOZRock 105.3
Blind taste testsRadio show betsSpanish language challengeCelebrity gossipParenting adviceDating and relationshipsChivalryRadio show bitsListener interactionOffensive comedyham taste testhoney baked ham
Skye, a radio personality, is challenged to a blind ham taste test by the hosts, betting she can't distinguish Honey Baked Ham from generic varieties. If she loses, she must speak Spanish for the entire 8 o'clock hour. Despite her confidence, Skye fails the test, mistaking Costco ham for Honey Baked, and the Spanish hour begins with much mockery and the help of intern Danny for translations. Later, B-Rob's mother, Adeline, joins for an "Ask Mom" advice segment, offering guidance on love, new motherhood, first dates, and chivalry, and even attempts to help a caller, Elisha, with her dating struggles. The show concludes with Mikey and Eddie's "Tyrone and Tortilla" bit, where they conduct a highly offensive interview with Patricia Chantel, a biographer of Martha Stewart.
What happened, in order
Ham Taste Test Challenge
Skye is challenged to a blind ham taste test by the hosts, betting she can't tell Honey Baked Ham from generic ham, with the loser having to speak Spanish for an hour.
The Spanish Bet & Ham Samples
Skye learns the terms of her bet (speaking Spanish for an hour using a translation website) and the three ham samples for the blind taste test are revealed: Honey Baked, generic, and Costco ham.
Skye's Ham Taste Test
Skye tastes three ham samples blindfolded, confidently identifying one as Honey Baked and dismissing the others as generic or black forest ham.
Ham Taste Test Results & Bet Loss
Skye is shocked to learn she failed the blind taste test, mistaking Costco ham for Honey Baked, and must now honor the bet by speaking Spanish for an hour.
Skye's Spanish Hour Begins
Skye's hour of speaking only Spanish begins, with the hosts mocking her attempts and bringing in intern Danny to translate her statements.
Ask Mom with Adeline
B-Rob's mother, Adeline, a Boston radio host, is introduced as a guest for an "Ask Mom" advice segment, where she will answer listener questions.
Ask Mom: Love & New Mother Advice
Adeline offers advice on expressing love in relationships to P1 Mikey and practical tips for new mothers to P1 Jennifer, drawing from her own experiences.
Ask Mom: Dating California Men & Matchmaking
Elisha calls in asking for advice on dating California men, leading to a detailed discussion of her background and shyness, culminating in Mikey offering to be her matchmaker.
Tyrone & Tortilla Interview Martha Stewart Biographer
Mikey and Eddie, as their alter egos Tyrone and Tortilla, conduct a highly offensive interview with Patricia Chantel, a biographer of Martha Stewart, repeatedly accusing her of racism.
People mentioned
SkyeEddieMikeyAshleySeanAnitaB-RobDannyP1 PerryD1 VolcomCourtney LoveJay LenoKurt CobainTracyRoloSharon StoneP1 DannyP1 HamtasticAdelineMonster MikeP1 JenniferP1 CarlosP1 Big WormElishaPatricia Chantel
11,161 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
We got to the bottom of that story. Wow. That wasn't necessary. Let's everybody give Skye a big ham. That just came out of nowhere, and it's really not necessary at all. Fantastic. Honey baked? No. I like ham. Will you please stop? Honey baked. We're all friends here. I like ham. Honey baked. Skye? Yes, my friend. I'd like to challenge you. What? I think that your deal with honey baked is a bunch of BS. It's my favorite type of ham. I like ham. I mean, I haven't had every ham, but I think honey feels like the best in the biz. Eddie, Eddie. Yes. What's your favorite soft drink? At this point, I'd probably say Dr. Pepper. If I put Dr. Pepper next to a can of Pepsi and both of them were in the same looking glass, could you tell them apart? Very easily. No doubt about it, right? Not even close.
What are you doing right now? Out of Coca-Cola and Pepsi. Can you tell one from the other? Very easy. I am going to say right here, right now, that as much as our girl Sky claims to be a fan of Honey Baked. I am. I don't claim to be. I am. Like any excuse to get Honey Baked, I'm there every holiday. And I'm telling you. Like even Thanksgiving, I want Honey Baked. I don't want a turkey. And I'm telling you. that I don't believe that you could tell honey-baked ham from your run-of-the-mill ham. Oh, you are sadly mistaken, my friend. Whoa. Well, dude, there's, like, a huge difference, you know? Okay, that's why we have a ham test ready to go. Shut up. You do not. We do. What?
Oh, yes, we do. Who does a ham test? Right? Like, why is this necessary? We're going to do a blind ham taste test. I have no problem with that. I am extremely confident. Oh, confident? Really, you're confident. I have confidence in sunshine. How long has it been? I have confidence in rain. I have confidence that spring will come again. Besides which, you see, I have confidence in me. Me. Now, Skye. I better stop eating this lollipop then. You know, it hurts, but it feels so good. Cleanse my palate. Here's the deal, Skye. What up, G? Confident. If you lose. I won't. Okay, if you can't tell which is honey baked, then. Then what? What's going to happen? You will have to communicate to us for the entire 8 o'clock hour leading up to Lost.
In Spanish. You mean te voy a... Shut up. Shut up. Well, Anita, no te rajes. First of all, it's not going to be a problem, but secondly, I'm not fluent in Spanish, so I don't see how... We've got that taken care of. We've got that taken care of. What? Eddie has a website that you can go to and type anything you want in English into it and it will tell you that same exact sentence in Spanish. You'll just have to read it. And we all know that you don't have a problem with reading Spanish. Practically fluent. This is extremely stupid, but it's not going to be an issue because I will be able to tell the Honey Baked. Eddie. So, that's cool. That's fine. How many ham samples do we have? We have three ham samples today. Oh, even easier. Okay. Even easier, she says. Well, duh. Of course, we have the Honey Baked. Yeah, yummy. We have, like, a generic store brand. Honey Baked. Cool. And your dreaded Costco ham. Wow. Your nemesis.
For the record. Your ham nemesis. It's not my nemesis. I've never said anything. Ham is your father. Did you hear that, Mike? Colonels? I am. What did he say? He said, Sky, ham is your father. Your father. This is crazy. Oh, I can already smell the honey bakes. It's your crypto ham. Now, am I allowed to look at it? That's exactly what I was about to say. Oh, I loved it. Because it does look distinct. You will be. Blindfolded. Blind taste test. Do we have a blindfold? Are we getting one, or should I wrap my thing around me? You will be blindfolded. Honey baked. You got this, Steve. Do we have a blindfold of any kind? Otherwise, we got to, yeah, Skye. I'll use the grandpa sweater, dude. Yeah. Wrap that around the eyes. Eddie, can you help her to... How am I going to... Eddie will strangle you with it. No, I don't want to be strangled. Honey baked. She's going to have to take off her headphones. Skrill.
Wow, this is like watching nine and a half weeks. I've never seen that movie. It's like the refrigerator scene. Don't tie my hair in it. Wow, this is like... Eddie, this is like Ghost and you guys are doing the... Okay, stop it. Okay, it's on. The pottery scene. The confident news girl. I can't see anything. You guys better not feed me anything nasty. I'm trusting you. This better only be ham. Relax. Fascinating. Yeah, someone's going to have to help me because I can't see anything. Don't. I'm watching you, Skye. Don't worry. Here's the deal. Okay, Ash. I want to make sure that each of these pieces are consistent in size. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I got a tinkle. Yeah, they got to be pretty much. So, Eddie, go ahead and cut off a piece of each. And they got to be consistent in size. All right, Skye, open up. It's going to be so easy. Turn towards us. Turn towards us. I don't worry. There you go. Okay, just stay there. Open your mouth. Here it is.
Taste that. Now Sky, do you have water or something to like wash? Ah, good idea. It's somewhere. Make sure you turn the palate. Someone get her some water. I want to get a particular piece here. That is good. That is yummy. But? But not honey baked. It's more of like a black forest type of ham is what it tastes like to me. Honey baked? Like maybe something you'd get in the deli section at Vaughn's. I like ham. Okay. Hang on. Good, but yeah. But not honey baked. Mm-mm. Okay. Don't you mock me, Ashley. You're supposed to have my best. No, I'm 100% with you. Okay. I love Honey Baked as well. I'm having it for Thanksgiving. Here we go, Skye. Number two. There it is. There it is. She's an expert. That is the Honey Baked. Know it. How is it? Delicious? Hang on. Good. Yeah. So the first one was like generic? The first one to me was like a lunch meat, you know, like a black forest ham. Okay.
You know, not like pre-packaged. All right. Here we go. Here's the third one. I feel like I'm... Ashley, is this ham they're about to put in my mouth? Yeah, it is. Okay. What are we going to put in that? I know. Come on. Okay, let me cleanse my palate. What are they doing, Ashley? Eddie was putting it around his genitals and, like, making a joke of it and being like, ooh, with the ham around his genitals. It was really gross. But he's putting it in his butt crack everywhere. Eddie! Okay, I'm not going to eat that piece of ham. No, here you go. No, he wasn't, like, really, but he was... Eddie. He was pretending. Eddie. He was pretending to spit on him. There's Skye. Go ahead. Ow! Oh, my gosh. Can you wait until I open my mouth? Eddie. Hey. There's Skye. That was... Uh-oh. Hmm. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. That was B-Rob's big toe. Shut up. Hmm. Oh, wait a minute. Hmm. Now what? Oh, no. Skye, what's going on? I don't know. Oh! Not so easy. That ham is good, and it does have a sweetness to it, like the honey baked. Can I take this blindfold off now that I'm done? Honey baked? Yes? No. Why? I ate the three pieces. You need to tell us whether one, two, or three was honey baked. See, I know for a fact number two was honey baked.
Part of me thinks number three, you, like, tried to give me Honey Baked twice, but... Try to trick you or something. Right, but... We didn't. Okay. Then, yeah, then I'm sticking with my answer. Definitely number two was the Honey Baked. Eddie? Oh, wow, it's right in here. What is the answer? The first one was the generic. I didn't hear what you said. Oh, I was wondering why you were looking at me. Yeah, I said that number two was the Honey Baked. Number two... was Costco ham. You're lying. You're lying. He's lying. Number three was honey baked ham. The third one that you had was honey baked ham. He's lying. It's a lie. You can look under the plates. We have it written down under the plates. Sky, it was. Check it out. The second one was Costco. I'm eating the second one. I'm sorry, Sky. Are you kidding me? See how it says C?
No effing way. Skye, I'm sorry you love Costco ham. No, she... I don't believe you. Something happened. I don't care. It's written on the plates. Yeah, like you couldn't have swapped the ham around. Okay. I don't know. There was no shenanigans. There was no shenanigans. Wait. Okay, wait. What? Skye? Do you have an apology you'd like to make the Costco now? I've never said anything negative about Costco, so why would I need to? Why do you hate Honey Baked now? I don't hate Honey Baked. You despise Honey Baked. Yeah, you love Costco and despise Honey Baked ham. Okay. For the record. No, I don't despise any sort of ham. It's on the record. It's on the record. No, it's not. No, it's not. In a blind taste test, Sky prefers Costco ham over Honey Baked. I'm in shock. That's BS. I'm in shock.
This can't be true. I think we're all in shock. Skye, you're delirious because you've been up since 6 and on the air, no commercials, no music. You've lost your mind, Skye. See, that's what, like, my palate must be off. We've eaten so many different. We've eaten so many different kinds of food today. Yeah, Skye, maybe when you had more sleep and not a lollipop right before your taste buds. Don't defend her, Ashley. That's right. I did have a cotton candy lollipop. You do not need sleep in order to use your taste buds. Thank you, Sean. Don't be retarded. I mean, how does that even work? You've got to get sleep to get your taste buds working? Well, yeah, I would say maybe their taste is dull. Ashley, stop. Well, that is BS. Numb, if you will. But all I can do is trust you guys and take you at your word, so I will honor this stupid bet, even though I feel like I was robbed. And I guess Eddie sent me a link to that stupid website. I will. What, are we starting this at 8? 8 o'clock. Oh, which it is, so you can ID and we can start. Well, it's 7.58 right now. Hey, boy. It's 7.58. It's 7.58. 8 o'clock. Yeah, and I have to tinkle. Me too. Eddie, can you hold it down? Sure. Dude. Did you hit the ID? Did you hit the ID? Uh, I could do that. Yeah, why don't you hit the ID? I could do that. Do it. Do that.
You're listening to the 28-hour Mikey Marathon. Brought to you by Fox 6 News. On KIOZ. San Diego's rock station. Rock 105.3. The following takes place between 8 p.m. and 9 p.m. So from this point on, everyone, Sky can only speak in Spanish for the next hour. Oh, my gosh. Until lost. Seems pretty easy. Dude. I'm sorry. She lost the bet. This is going to be brutal. And I'm kind of in shock and I'm kind of offended this whole time how much she claimed to love her honey-baked ham. Oh, no doubt. On and on and on, Sean, about, oh, I love me some honey-baked. And then when... Moodo. Not sure what she said. What? I don't know what that means. Wait, someone needs to translate. Why is she just saying gibberish? Yeah, don't speak gibberish. Moodo. What does that mean? That is a 80s...
Teenage pop band from Mexico, Skye. With interchangeable members. Or a delicious breakfast soup. Usted es Mudo. Oh, does that mean she's mad? She wants some menudo now, I think. I think I don't. I am half Mexican, so. Is there a P1 out there that could get her some menudo? No. Delicious. No. Usted es menudo. No. Wait, oh, ask. Skye, get two. Get two. The best hour. Take two. It's okay. It's awesome. Listen to me. Usted esmudo. Junior Beating. Listen to me. My name is not Junior Beating. Junior Beating. My name's Ashley. Junior. I'm Ashley. You will record every single thing that Sky says, Senorita Sky, and you will get that to Sean as soon as this show is over. Thank you. Do you understand me? Junior. Do you understand? Junior. My name's Ashley. Do you understand? Yes. Okay. See, you do. You know what's offensive about this whole thing is that she slanders Costco ham. She does not. The whole time. She absolutely did. No, she does not. She explicitly said that she did not like the ham because it was inferior ham. No, that's not true. She's never even tried Costco ham until tonight. She said it's the most disgusting food on the planet. And that only poor people can afford it. Guys, speak on this. She's never said that.
Stop. Danny Habla Español. Where is Danny? Danny speaks Spanish. Where is he? Do you know where he is? I'm speaking to you. I'm speaking to you. This is ridiculous. Why would you tell me something if you don't know where he is? You clown. You ham. He probably interned. You be quiet over there. Ham falser. I enter. He IM'd her. So he'll translate. Paul, that's just no good. Wait, she can't speak through Ashley. Yeah. That wasn't part of the deal. He's going to IM, Eddie, and translate what Skye's saying. Fine. Okay. Only me, though, Danny. No more of this talking to Skye. But I don't like how you guys are making crap up because she can't defend herself. We're not making crap up. She never said that she hated Costco him. She's never tried Costco him. Hold on, Sean. Wait. Thank you. I don't like this. I don't like this.
And he's going around to the other side of the board where Mikey normally sits. And he is going to... Oh, here we go. Turn her mic off. Thank you. Okay, so bottom line and the facts. Usted tipo son estupidos. That's going to be a great one, Sean. I can't wait to play that stupid thing. For years to come. Estupidos. Estupidos. Anyway, let's speak the facts. Sky now loves Costco ham. Absolutely a fact. She despises honey-baked ham. Yes. Hates it. Hates it. With a passion. Spits on it. Yes. Permita. Get out of here. Ashley. Oh, get out of here. I'm not letting you go. Get out of here. National Enquirer with your lies. This guy never said that. You are. Gracias. Ridiculous. Stand on it. Okay. Intern Danny. Oh, come here. Get away from me. Get away from me.
Get out of here. Ooh, amor. What does that mean, Dani? Amor means love. What? She loves you. Oh, you do? I love you too. Eddie and Ashley, amor. That's not Spanish. Eddie E. Ashley, amor. I am Eduardo. Yes. Eduardo E. Ashley, amor. Say aman mucho. Aman mucho. Don't help her, Dani. Don't help her. Brutal. So, once again, for the record, Sean, let's break it down. Sky, the type of hand she likes is what? Costco ham. Okay. The type of ham she does not like? Honey-baked ham. And this whole time she's been a liar. Interesting. Tonto. You mean tonto? Tonto. Tonto. Tonto. Tonto and the Lone Ranger. Ustedes, tonto. Are you kidding? This is a joke.
Can you try and not be so... Don't they just stomp a gal? I don't know. Mike, he's getting something in the office. He's on his way back. Here he is. You're ridiculous. But he can't help you. I'm so mad. You're going to go to the bathroom? Go ahead. This is crazy. Unbelievable. Well, she's going to the bathroom, but she's speaking in Spanish, and Danny came in to translate because we couldn't understand her. One more minute. Okay. We're good. Sorry. Outrageous. Let's take some calls. Mikey Show. Come on. That was a Cylon. Mikey Show. Hey, B-Rob. This is P. I'm Terry. I was standing outside. Hey, B-Rob. What's up? Hey, I'm right here. Let's all talk to B. You're on with Mike here tonight. Yeah, B. What's up? Mike in the night. Let's go. What you want? Well, I've been standing outside Clear Channel for 20 minutes trying to get you guys some brownies and milk, and no one will let me in. Brownies and milk. Colonels, go get the brownies and milk.
Thank you. Can I come in and just say hi, please? Very quickly, we'll allow that. Oh, you're awesome. Thank you so much. All right. I know, I agree. Mikey Show. Hello, man. Mikey Show. Hello. Hello? Yes. Hola. Hey, this is D1 Volcom. What's up, dude? Hey, man, I just got out of a business mixer. And what's going on, man? Why is Sky trying to speak Spanish? I'm glad you asked, my friend. Great question. This is coming across the wire right now. I think we have a wire, don't we? Yeah, absolutely we do. Let's take it right off the wire. We're going to cut into Eddie. Oh. Eddie. Breaking news. Today, IOZ San Diego. A news girl named Skye tried three different hams. One being Costco ham, one being honey baked ham, one being a generic man. That very news girl, Skye, loved the Costco ham. Oh, must be Hanish for one straight hour, meaning that she's a ham liar. KS Ustedes Haciendo. Dani? No, they completely, that translation cites garbage. Well, what is she trying to say? She's trying to say, what are you guys doing?
So, ¿qué están haciendo? Oh. What are we doing? We're taking calls. People want to know what's going on. Hi. Hi. Are you the brownie girl? Hi. Hi. Thanks, Perry. Are these homemade brownies? No. Oh. I have brown milk. Oh, okay. That's cool. I'm lactose intolerant. Are they Costco brownies? Thank you, Perry. I love milking brownies. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, you can put them right there. We'll enjoy them. That's very nice of you. Thank you very much. Thank you, Perry. Gracias. You're awesome. That was good. That one was good. No one heard it, though. I can't hear you. Can you talk on the mic? Gracias. You're welcome. No, this is the first time I got to meet you guys. I tried going to Qualcomm, and I was in line, but my engine overheated on me. Oh, that sucks. Oh, that's a bummer. Well, I know Mikey said that if no one was there, that he didn't want to know me. So... Well, no. He... No. You tried. He was only half serious. She brought us some brownies. Oh. Who is that? She's a P1. Oh.
P1 Perry. P1 Perry, I know who you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You write emails all the time. Nice person. Thank you. Nice person. You just decided to stop by? I will never shake your hand. He doesn't shake because he's a germaphobe. Yeah, so you can get away from me. Okay, Sean. All right. Nice to meet you. Yeah, yeah. What's that? Oh, thank you very much. You're welcome. That's very nice of you to come by. Have a good night. Thanks, you too. Take care. Have a good one. Bye. You know what her deal is? No. She... Gimme, gimme, gimme. Always wants me to, like, get her hooked up with somebody. What? She's always wanting to... Like, hey, can you do, like, a P1 dating thing? Find me a guy kind of thing? It's always the deal. Get on top of that, Bobby. Get on top of that, Bobby. What do you mean by that? That means, like, yo, you know, she's single and looking, dude. Do your thing. Did somebody take them out?
No, I think they're in 933 right now doing a guest DJ spot. Can we figure this out? We've only been doing it for 18 hours. That's pretty awesome. Bobby. There was somebody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys got to help. Don't just let them wander around our building. Take them out. Skye, what do you think? Gracias. Hey, Skye. Come here and tell me if you like this new scent. This new fragrance. You're always my scent tester. I smell something. Tell me. It smells like Costco ham. What do you think? Sky Lexington. Did she announce that she was coming down here? She called from outside and said she's been outside for 20 minutes. Yeah, she was crying. She'd been out there for 20 minutes. I wish I'd not missed it all. I'm sure that must have been a good time when that first happened. Yeah, it was fun. What do you want? You want the tears to come out of my eyes? I mean, what do you guys want? You want the tears to come out of my eyes? Yeah. I guess so. I almost cried. Mikey Show. Hey, B-Rab. Yeah, what's up? It's Mike at night. That's it?
Anyway. From the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, ladies and gentlemen. And Skye, tell me, what do you think of Courtney Love? What are your thoughts on Courtney Love, Skye? Why isn't she answering you? She has to respond in Spanish, Sean. And so each time she does, she has to type the sentence that she wants to say into the translating website and then tell me in Spanish. No como. That's it? That's all you got. I'm Courtney Love. No coma? Si. Cut. This is Courtney Love on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno on her nude cover on the cover of her autobiography, Dirty Blonde, cut three. Now, Kurt took the photo, right? Kurt Cobain. Yeah, he did. And, you know, it's interesting. There's two interesting things about this naked picture with my butt out on here. Well, there's three. One is that I didn't realize...
What a great butt I used to have. Until you get older and then it starts to fall. And then the other thing is that none of the editors knew that Kurt had taken that picture. Oh, is that right? No. They had Avedons. They had all the greatest photographers in the world to choose from. And they all liked that picture. And didn't know Kurt took it. And the third thing was he had a girlfriend before me named Tracy. I found the exact same shot. I would peg him as an ass man. Yeah. You know what's so funny is how she brings up that photographer, Abaddon, which 99.9% of the world doesn't know what she's talking about. I have no idea. You know, celebrities live in this strange world, and Sky, you can talk about this, but... At length, if you want. Yeah. No way, no. No way, no. Like, tell me, you know, what bothers you the most about Courtney Love? Probably Dee Dee. A mothering. Sustabli dili. Day. Mothering. Mothering. Obviously a Spanish word. What does that mean, Eddie? Mothering. Her mothering skills. That's what she doesn't like the most. After that, what would it be, Skye? After her mothering skills, like what next with Courtney Love? Doesn't madre mean mother? Yes. Ella esta. Ella. Ella. Suya.
Ella esta suya. Don't play en español. Yeah, we know. We only have 45 more minutes to do this. I don't know if I can take it. That's brutal. I love it. Did Courtney Love sound like she's absolutely toasted in that clip? Every interview that we've heard lately, she sounds like that. I think she sounds like that naturally now because she's done so many drugs. Ella es muy loca. She's crazy. Courtney Love talks about what her father gave her when she was only three years old, cut four. Somebody gave you, like, acid when you were four? Three, I guess. My real father, this is according to court documents. My mother took custody away from me when I was three because my real father gave me acid. And they do these lunches at Rolling Stone for artists. And I thought it was private.
I didn't think it was going to be public, so I said something really sarcastic, and it really freed my mind, you know, eye roll. And then it got out there that I had said something as ridiculous as giving a child acid at three was going to be... I mean, do you recall that experience? No. I don't even know about that, to be honest. What made you think it happened? If you're not sure, did somebody tell you later? You know what happened to you when you were three? I'm so screwed up. I know. That just got weird. Yeah, everybody has something funny here. Dad used to give me drugs when I was three. I knew that. Skye, what did you think of that clip? Courtney Eslav Verdad. Verdad, what is that? Somebody's got to translate for her translation. I don't know what it means. Hey, by the way, B-Rod. B-Rod. There he is. B-Rod, do me a favor. Do you have Rolo's phone number? You don't? No. Oh, he is a woman. He is beating me up on the email. What is he doing? Dude, I'm trying to do a radio show, and he's emailing me, and we're going to let him come in tonight. And first he emails me, and he's like, I need your cell number.
And, you know, the time to be, and I'm like, dude, I'm doing a radio show. What are you going to call me? I'm doing a radio show, 28 straight hours on the air. You can't call me. Hello? Oh, hi. You're here, sweetie? Okay. I'll send somebody out to get you, babe. Ridiculous. Then he says, then he writes me, this is like the fourth email today. Oh, man. It's not like I'm doing a show. Do you mind if I come down and watch Lost also? Or is that too much? I don't want to be sitting there and have you guys talking about it when I haven't seen it. And if I was going to come down for the movie, I would have to leave about 9 or 9.15. Which means I miss it. Again, if it's too much, I fully understand and will be there for the movie. If not... This boar? Yeah, dude.
Like, I'm reading this on the air when I'm on the air. I'm trying to read this. If not, then I'll get my butt moving and get down there so I can enjoy the show since this one is going to be the best one of the six, I think. Or at least I hope so. Smiley face. Signed. Roll low. He's killing me. Oh, man. Now, usually I'd have his back, but right there, that's tough to defend. First of all. You think so? Yeah. Here, you want his number? Yeah, I am. Well, he's all jacked up. Lost is on at 9, so we're not starting the movies at 9. Yeah. Movies start at 10. And what's he talking about? Like, hey, can I come down there for Lost? And I don't want to be sitting there when you're talking about Lost and I don't get the show. What are you talking about, dude? Then why do you want to come down here? That doesn't make any sense. Oh, I'm telling you, that Cheeto beats me up. All right, B-Rob, here's the number. I just had to go use that bathroom, by the way, and somebody had just blown it up. It wasn't the one that you earned. Skye, it's not the one that you earned. No bueno. They cracked the porcelain? I'm telling you, man. B-Rob doesn't get what I wrote. Uh-oh. Eddie, you know how in Dallas, if you were talking about the 214, you would put two...
I did the same thing with B-Rod right now, and he looked at me like, what is, what? Well, he's only lived here for, what, five, six years? Yeah, I put seven, dash, and then the seven-digit number. And he looks in here, dude, he's looking, he's like, does that mean the seven? It's not enough numbers. Yeah, like, what? Fill in some points. Thanks for me. You're speaking in code. Yeah. That sounds like two numbers. Yeah. Like there's no way I could figure out what those two numbers are. It's missing the two numbers. I don't do math. I don't know. Mike. It's a wicked number. I don't. Quit doing like riddles on me here. Riddles with these numbers. It's like that CBS show, Numbers. I don't like. What is this? What?
Is it a puzzle? The answer to your equation is yes. What do you want? You want the tears to come out of my eyes? I don't know. Sharon Stone. This is Sharon Stone from the television program Access Hollywood. Cut six. You once gave a great quote, Sharon. You said, I carry condoms in my purse just in case I might get a stroke of luck. Is that true? I've been a spokesperson for... AIDS for many years, and I just think that this is an intelligent way to behave in this time in the world. I also think that if you're single, and you don't have a committed partner, that that's an intelligent way to behave. I'm single, I don't have a committed partner, but I am having an interesting life. So in other words, what, she's boning strangers? Equals, I have AIDS. No! It doesn't mean that. It doesn't mean that. It means HIV positive. It doesn't mean that. Those are two different things. She's using the condoms. It doesn't mean that either. She's using the condoms. She's trying to give, you know. Don't forget. It means she's a whore. No, it doesn't. It doesn't mean that either. Yes, it does. No. Well, then what does it mean? You've swayed me. Thank you. Glad I could help. Mikey Show.
Yeah, I'd like to talk to Mikey. You're on the air, bro. All right, yeah, this is P1 Danny, and I'd like to say, you know, 28-hour Mikey show, and it's a 27. I just, I know that's not going anywhere. I think we all do. I'm so glad you did that. Sky, I mean, I instantly figured that one out. No bueno. Can't say it's no bueno. I instantly was able to figure that one out. What did I do wrong? Sky? Sky's got to speak only Spanish this hour. No te diste una occasion. Oh, yes. Really? Occasion? Really? Is that your Spanish? Occasion? Sean, read it what it's supposed to say. What are you, Bobby? Are you Bobby Boucher? Yeah.
Tell me how it's supposed to be read, Sean. What does that mean, Sean? Do you know? Translation? Translation is you didn't give him a chance. I didn't give him a chance? Yeah, but Sky... Instantly, I could tell that he was Marble Mouth. He didn't know where he was going. He didn't have a... Oh, she's typing. He didn't have a plan. He wasn't articulating. Oh, no. What does it say, Skye? She aborted him. Yeah, she got... It looked like there's no way I can read that. Oui, bueno. No. She had to type? She had to type that in to get no bueno? To get no bueno? What are you? That's French. You goofball. No, we. Yeah. We. We. What are you trying to say? Mui? Mui. Oh, my. It's not we. You're saying M-U-Y. Is that what you're saying? Mui. Oh, M. Mui. Oh. It's not we. Mui. It's Mui. Mui. Oh, my God. Like Louie? Mui. Mui. Like when?
You're brutal. P1 Hamtastic is on the line. Hamtastic, are you there? Yes, I am. Go ahead. You guys should make Skye sing a song in Spanish. That'd be a great idea. Translate it first. That's right. Good luck. That'll take an hour. You stupid-o. That's right. You tell him, Skye. Is B-Rod's mom here yet? Yeah. Who is here? B-Rod's mom. Yes. Let's get her in here. I love her. She's fantastic. We wanted to get B-Rod's mom in here, and she is going to take phone calls. She does her own radio program in the greater Boston area. She's great. Did you know that, Sean? You're not doing a bit? No, I'm not doing a bit. She actually has a radio program. Are you kidding me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's such a... That is amazing. She is a ball of fire. Have a seat. She's so lovely. We love Adeline. How are you? Oh, hello.
I'm well. How are you? Have you never met? Hello. You never met B-Rod's mom? I have never had the opportunity. She is a lovely lady. To meet this gorgeous creature. She is a lovely. He shouldn't shake hands. I can't do that. He doesn't shake hands because he's a germaphobe. Oh, right. I'd like to. He's a germaphobe. He's a germaphobe. This is your way. That's right. Now, here's the deal. Adeline, and how do I pronounce it? Adeline or Adeline? Adeline. Adeline. Yes. How are you? I'm fantastic. Your baby's beautiful. Thank you very much. Thank you. It's wonderful to have you in here. Thank you. We're going to do a bit this hour. And what is this called, Eddie? I think we just called it Ask Mom. Ask Mom. Because, B-Rod, you call your mother, you call her Mom. Yeah. Yeah. Mom or Ma. Yeah. Ma. Here on the West Coast. Ma. Ma. I'm talking. Here on the West Coast, we say mom. Mom. M-O-M. But in the Boston area, a lot of people say mom. That's correct. And so he calls you his mom. So what we thought we would do is, you know, anybody would do it like an advice segment. And so if anybody has any advice, because you do a little bit of radio. Absolutely. In the Boston area, right?
In Boston. And what is your show like? What is your show about and what is it like? I interview authors mostly. Really? Yes. And politicians. Like authors of what kind of books? Every genre. No? Every genre. Mark Bowden. Yeah. Black Hawk Down. Right. I've interviewed him. Actually, Gabe did too. That's right. That's right. And was it a good interview? It was excellent. And I'm waiting for his next book on the Iran crisis from way back during the Carter administration. Right. Yeah, he's doing a book. That's good stuff. Now, she is good. She's very opinionated. She has very strong opinions. She is a very intelligent woman. Last year we had her over for Thanksgiving dinner. And she's got very intelligent opinions. But she's also a good mom. And so if anybody has a question, that they would like to ask of B-Rod's mom, then they can call us now, 570-1053. And whatever you have, she will use her sensibilities as a mom. And, you know, she will tell you the advice. Like, let's say that you're living out here in San Diego and your mom is back east or something. Oh. You could call in. You could ask mom. So these are like...
Interpersonal things? Relationship questions? Relationship. Interpersonal. Roommate advice. Advice about your girlfriend. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, advice about your boyfriend. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Hey, don't you love Rob's girlfriend? I do. Isn't she a fantastic girl? Sarah, she is. Sarah. Sarah. Sarah. That's right. Sarah would understand because she's from the Berkshires. That's right. She's from the area as well, isn't she? She is lovely. Look at Rob. Rob has a look on his face like, I just looked at Rob. Rob and I made eye contact. And he had a look on his face that said, you sure you wanted to do this? No. Why is that, Rob? Well, you know, my mom... She's a lovely lady, and I respect her with everything, but she's a little out there sometimes. Of course. Awesome. You've got to screen phone calls. Get screening and get me some good calls. Line them up for mom. Mikey, you know what I always say? What? I always say, what is mom spelled backwards? Ah, yes. Mom. It's like a palindrome. Oh.
Ashley just had, like, an epiphany. Come on. That's right. I don't know what that had to do with anything. What is mom spelled upside down? Wow. Where are we going with this? Yeah, I'm really lost. I'm intrigued. But I like it. That's what Boston Rob meant, though. Okay, I like it. She is fantastic. She is. She's a little out there. What's mom spelled? That's my own. That's right, right? I made that up for all the mothers out there. Oh, you're good. What's mom spelled like in the dark? That was mine. I came up with that. Hey, what is mom if you smoke tobacco through the piece of paper mom is written on? What about that? What is it then? Mom? That's right. Okay. Yes. I like it. Nothing at all. I don't understand. All right, let's take some phone calls. What do you guys think? Let's do this. T1 Monster Mike is on the line. Monster Mike, are you there? I am, and I had to BS Rob a little bit. I just wanted to find out how his mom felt about never being a grandmother after what you guys did to him today. Oh, you mean with the slapping of the testicles? I don't know if she heard that. Yeah, we did. Did you hear any of that stuff? Oh, no, no. I was busy working, but I listened during my lunch hour.
I got the feeling that he went through some excruciating pain. He did, and it hurt our hearts. Okay, who did it? Right now. We didn't do it. I didn't do it. Who did it? I didn't do it. Jay from our promotion department did it, and I got to tell you, it hurt. I didn't want to do it. I wanted him to get the answers correctly. I was pleading with him. He didn't know anything about the beloved Red Sox. Nothing. It was embarrassing. He kind of deserved it. favorite team. Oh, okay. He was asking for it. Like, were you asking stats and numbers? I mean, simple, very generic. Simple, generic, last couple of years type questions. Why wouldn't he know that? It was embarrassing. I don't know. You think he would? I mean, you know, I think it's the rivalry thing. And being a hometown person. You know those Red Sox? It's like history in the making. However, you know, what can you say? Adeline, we have P1 Mikey is on line for you. He wants to ask you what he could do or say to show a girl that he loves her. Mikey, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Okay, yeah, you want to ask Adeline, ask mom what you could do to show a woman that you love her? Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Yeah, now, does it matter his age or her age or anything like that, mom? What do you mean?
Well, I mean, will it make a difference if this guy is 55 or 25? And the woman is? I don't know. That's what I'm asking. Does that mean anything? Yes, it makes a big difference. Go ahead. You ask him. You ask him. Okay. Dig in. The question is, what do you tell a woman to make her feel like you love her? And I say communicate, but if you're older and you're dating a younger woman, I think that's a lot of disparity, like Anna Nicole Smith and, you know, the guy who died. Right, right. Exactly. You really can't go that far. Right. However, I think communicate and being honest and truthful and open. I think men sometimes have a harder time to express feelings openly. There you go. There you go. Is that okay for you? I think that's a great answer. That's a great answer. P1 Jennifer is on the line, and she wants the best advice. for being a brand new mom. Jennifer, are you there? Yes, I am. Did I get that right? Yes, you did. I like that question because I do have three sons and I have to tell you, I learned something different every time. Well, they're all very different. Yes, yes. But being a brand new mom, how old is your baby? My baby will be born in six weeks. Okay. Have confidence in yourself. I mean, the biggest...
remembrance for me as when my children were infants was, oh my God, you know, like when the belly, the belly, the thing fell off. Right, the belly button. The belly button falls off. And you're dabbing it with bacitracin and everything. And if your baby is circumcised, just have confidence and follow the proper safety health procedures all the time. Yeah, and don't forget. Sometimes your children will do things that are embarrassing. For instance, Adeline was telling us about the time that Rob, here he is, two years old, still wanted to breastfeed. No, it wasn't two. It was 13 months. I thought it was 13 years that he was. Poor kid. Well, there you go. What she's saying is you've got to have confidence, Jennifer. Jennifer, not only that, do you plan on nursing? I do. Okay. Like I said, infants can really get so dependent upon nursing that I think you should, despite all the phalluses about the pacifier, I think you should definitely try it. And just introduce your baby once in a while. Don't make your infant so reliant on nursing that they reject anything.
bottle or anything else in the future. It's so true. Mom, are you saying this because B-Rob was like still trying to nurse even though he had like turned two or three years old? No, no, no, no. I'm saying it because of all of my friends. Five when I stopped. Okay, because that... I stopped a couple of weeks ago. I'm putting two and two together. I was waning off of it. It's like nicotine. I would have kept going if I were you. Okay. Hey, Sean. And the last of those. Enough. Well, let me, Jennifer, can you understand that? Yes, I can. Okay. And also, you know, some mothers don't have enough milk to provide their baby's demand. No, it's true. That's fantastic. Some mothers can't nurse. And so... What are we talking about? You might be happy to supplement. No, honestly, because... I'm getting weird. No, because some mothers cannot... Rob? Produce. Yes, the milk in the breast. They can't. No, honestly. And keep up with the baby's demand. If you have a 10-pound baby, how are you going to feed on two ounces of milk? I mean, imagine that. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Speak on it, man. That's all I'm saying. P1 Carlos, are you there? Yeah. You would like to know what a good first date is? Is that what you were saying? Yeah.
Apparently it has to do with the first question, producing the milk and all that. Oh, no. No, what would you say would be a good first date, Alan? Okay, if you really want to impress a woman, find out what she likes. Okay. Ah, very nice. How do you do that subtly? How do you do that? Maybe it doesn't need to be subtle. Maybe just come right out and... Well, if you're going to ask her on a date, you obviously are going to ask her what she likes to do. Yeah. I hope. Clearly. Right? Yeah. Right, Rob? Don't look at me. Right. I would find out what she likes to do to impress her and take it very light and casual. And, you know, you go from there. But what if you want to, like, impress her without actually asking her, making her, you know, impressing her more? Without finding out about her interests? Yeah, like it's a first date and you just really want to impress her without asking her anything. You know, women are romanticists at heart. And I would suggest a beautiful sunset, a hilltop. I like it. A nice dinner. Adeline, let me ask you this. Or a rollercoaster ride. Wait, wait, wait. Adeline, let me ask you this. Romantic? What about if you were to say really romantic things? Like, what's cooking good looking? Oh. Like, isn't that kind of...
That always works. Isn't that a good one? What's cooking good looking? No, I think that's overdoing it. Didn't it be, Rob? I think he's over the top. You're saying that's overdoing it? A little bit? What's cooking good looking? I'm telling you that I heard that from a very, very wise young man that used that exact phrase to meet young women. Young lady. Isn't that right, Rob? What's cooking good looking? I know you like it. I like the rhyme. I knew you would. I like the rhyme. Hey, I guess if that's a turn on for some. Yes. Maybe it was. Next up is P1 Big Worm. P1 Big Worm, are you there? That's right. I'm right here. What is your question? I had a question. It's concerning the way a man would treat a woman. I was going to ask, Mom, is chivalry dead? Absolutely not. There is chivalry out there. And I have to tell you, I know men who write poetry. Can you believe it? They would write poetry for you to impress you, to turn you on, to let you know that they care for you. And opening doors and asking and being polite. Please, thank you. Treating women and men.
With respect. Being, you know, when you get a phone call, return a phone call. That's policy in life, you know? What about skywriting? Skywriting. Nice. Oh, yeah. Skywriting is... What about hiring a barbershop quartet? Oh, you know, the violin scene. The violin scene like a Shakespearean thing. Oh, yes. Forget about it. Ah. Ah, wicked. Ah. We have to bring it back. We really have to bring all those old time. What about using what you have? Using what you have. In other words, if God gives you a hairy chest and you shave the woman's name into your chest, it's free. It doesn't cost anything. And you don't butt in any of the top buttons. You don't butt in any of the top buttons. And you come to her door and she opens the door and it says, Jane. What about that? Personally, if a guy walked up to me and did that... Wait, no. Mikey, we don't have to do this right now. We have a guess. No, Mikey, stop. Let me see. Mikey, please don't. Let me see that chest. She opens the door. She opens the door, and there you are, and it says Jane. No. Across your chest. Stop it. Stop it. What? You know what I'm saying? Stop it.
Isn't that a way of saying to a lady, here I am. Mom, I'm sorry. What did I do? Is that on a first date, by the way? I'm saying that could be a way of, let's say, you don't have a budget, but you want to show. Cut it out. I love you. Cut it out, bro. I care for you. You know, let me tell you something. I think laughter can always turn people... people on. There you go. It's creepy. I thought it was humorous, I thought it was sweet, and I thought it was chivalrous. I think that's humorous. That's like the 40-year-old virgin thing. Thank you very much. It's a different chivalry for contemporary times. On the line with us, P1 Elijah is on the line. Hello, Mikey. Hi, guys. Hi, how are you? Hello. Oh, I'm doing okay. Congratulations on your 28-hour show. Thank you very much. What's your question for mom? Well, actually, my question is, I've been a California girl my whole life, and I've dated California guys, and everybody keeps telling me, and all my girlfriends keep landing these great guys that aren't from California, and I'm kind of wondering what I'm doing wrong. How come I can't land myself my...
considerable fellow outside of california what can i do okay being that no no i mean like being since boston rob is from out of town and i mean everybody has these great things to say about guys from other places other than california i was just what is so different i'm kind of curious about the intrigue may i first ask you how many men have you dated um like how Like, I mean, like, what do you mean, like, in the last year? How many of you had intercourse? No, I'm not asking that. No, we're not asking that. We're not asking that. We're not asking that. I'm just saying, you seem to be attracted to men outside of California roots. Yes. Okay. So you have a magnetism where men from other places are attracted to it instead of the Californians. Yes. Okay.
Let's skip how many men have you tasted. Well, another question, Mom. Do you have another question for her? No, but I'd love to tell you, I lived in New York City. It's a great town. Great baseball team there. 21 years. Great baseball team. And I... And I used to say to myself, because I met Rob's dad on Martha's Vineyard when I was on vacation and we were married for 24 years. I always said to myself, all of the men in New York City, how do I want to marry someone from Massachusetts? And hey, everything is by fate, my dear. Mom, I'm so confused. What does that mean? Mom, you're killing me. I'm just relating that. Yeah, but that doesn't relate to her. No, but I... No, it makes no sense, Mom. Come on. I wound up marrying someone outside of New York. Are you hot? That will help. I am hot. I am damn hot. Well, I'm curious. I'm curious. Why is she not able to date California men?
Ashley doesn't have a problem dating California men. Sky doesn't have a problem, never had a problem dating men from California. My wife, prior to marrying me, never had a problem dating men from California. What is it that, Elijah, why do you have a problem dating men from California? Mikey, if I had to be perfectly honest, I'm kind of a modest gal, and I'm a mother's girl, and I just really am very shy. Really? Mm-hmm. So does that mean you restrict who you date? A little bit, maybe, yeah. Okay. And you say that you're a mama's gal. Mm-hmm. What is a mama's gal? What is that? Well, it's just somebody that wants to do good, that doesn't want their mother to think that maybe they're a bad girl. They want, like, I want my mother to think that I'm a really good girl, and I am, I think. How old are you? I'm 28. 28 years old. And can I... Can I ask a couple of questions, Adeline? I don't mean to butt in on your time. No, go ahead. This is great. I'm curious. I'm curious. May I ask you something? I really want to get an image of who we're talking to here. Go ahead, Mike. What ethnic background? I'm Caucasian. Caucasian girl. Do you mean blonde, brunette? I'm long-haired brunette. Long brown hair. Mm-hmm. What do you say, brown or black? Oh, brunette. Brown. Brunette. Long brown hair.
And your family is Caucasian. Yes. Mother and father still together? No. No. Were they divorced? Yes. How long ago? About 13 years. How old were you when they were divorced? I can't do the math. About 13. You were 13 years old? Roughly. 13, 14 years. Was it a rough couple of years for you? Yes. Are you... Have you been in any long-term relationships since the divorce of your parents? Me, personally, yes. I was in a long-term relationship for six years. Who broke up with who? I broke up with him because we were in a long-term relationship, and towards the end of our relationship, he got involved with meth, and that was... Why did your mother and father divorce? He didn't want the responsibility of me. Did you feel abandoned when he left? No, I never have because I had a stepfather for the duration of my adolescent years. Are you an only child? I am, yes. I could tell. And she said a mama's girl. You are good. She said a mama's girl. It's that right now. Actually, I'm very proud to be an only child. I think that's great. Maybe that's part of...
you're not dating California men because you're being very selective. Have you met any gorgeous great hunks? I mean, come on, this is California. Yeah, you met any gorgeous great hunks out here? Honestly, I have to say, like, my day-to-day life, I do see a lot of attractive men, but I am too shy to approach them. What about at work? All the time. I work in construction, and there's a lot of... You work in construction? Yeah, I work in... Really? I work in a corporate environment and not so much like the outside construction, on-site. Yeah, but you probably meet a bunch of fellas, though, right, doing that? Oh, yeah. Yeah, all the time. Why don't you try becoming friends with them first and make them like you? It's kind of intimidating because they are really good-looking, and I'm actually a naturally flirtatious kind of person, and I smile. Go with that, then, girl. I'm very vivacious, but... It's a little bit hard to just kind of put yourself out there. Elijah, I got to get down to the bottom of this. What do you look like? Like, it's very vague. I don't get it. Yeah. I'm about 5'11". Uh-huh. Very tall. Very tall. 5'11". I have brown hair. I'm not terribly fat. I'm kind of fair. Okay. Fair skin. What color eyes? Color eyes. I'm hazel eyes. Brown hair, hazel eyes, 5'11". I'm a QA. Hey.
160. Rob, did you say how much do you bench? I was thinking construction. That is so inappropriate. How much do you bench? That is so inappropriate. What's your question? I'm very confident for who I am. Good girl. You should be. She is 5'11", 160, which is probably about right. No, that is, Mikey. She's very tall. Yeah. She's like five inches on me, and that's like 20 pounds on me. So that's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you probably look very proportionate. Honey, you... I have a question, though. Are she willing to date... Now, at 5'11", will you only date men that are much taller than you? I mean, if B-Rob were single... He's what, Eddie, 5'6"? 5'8". 5'5". Okay, so P-Rob is 5'5". The double 5 is how I remember. But he's so handsome. Would you be willing at 5'11 to date a guy that's, you know, 5'4"? He'd be like your baby. You could swaddle him. You could swaddle him. You could nurse him. You could swaddle him. Burp him. You could burp him. He'd be cute.
You could put him in a stroller. You could put him in a little dollhouse. With a bonnet. A little bonnet. That's very cute. How do you think of that, Mom? Mom. No, leave her alone. Honey, do you internet date? Do you internet date, honey? Good question. Do you internet date? Do you? Do you internet? It's a legitimate question. Do you internet date? Actually, that is something that I have not yet tried. Why don't you? That's a good suggestion. Why don't we bring her down here? Why don't we bring her down here? We'll fix her up. And get her a date. I think that's a great idea. Why don't you come down here, and we will fix you up on a date with a good guy? Mikey Matchmaker. I like it. I just really want a good guy. I realize we're about to go into all that stuff, so it's going to be late. Now, it'll be late, but are you willing to do that, Elijah? I am, and I have to tell you that I was listening to the bit earlier when you guys were talking.
When you had the female panel and they were talking about guys that, you know, would buy engagement rings for their, you know, the girls they wanted to marry. And, you know, I honestly, I really, I don't need the right guy. I just really want the down to earth guy. I really don't need the millionaire. I just really want a good guy, a straight up guy. This is wonderful. I'm so proud of you, Mikey. I am too. I am. I am. I'm proud of me. Is that your victory dance right there? We are going to be a matchmaker. Mikey the matchmaker. Now, here's the thing. You have to understand us here. Is it Alicia? It's Elisha, yeah. Elisha? You've been calling her Elijah this whole time. I know. I didn't want to say anything. Ah, Elijah would. How embarrassing for you. That's all right. It's a retarded name. No, it isn't. No, it isn't, Sean. No, it isn't, Sean. It's really bizarre. It is not. It is not. Elisha, we need you to come down to the radio station. It's going to be late because we've got to watch Lost. We're going to watch two movies, but we will matchmake for you if you're interested.
I'm interested, yes. Come on down. Come on down. Look at that. That sounds great. That sounds great. Okay, well, come on. Do you know where the station is? Kind of, sort of. Come on down and call us when you get here and we'll send B-Rub out there to let you in. B-Rub, okay. That's right. Thank you very much. We'll see you soon. Thank you. Alrighty. Sounds fantastic. That's very nice. You did a great job. Wow. I'm telling you, you are opening parts, not only doors. Thank you. You were wonderful. I truly enjoyed. Way to go, Mom. Yeah, I enjoyed Ask Mom. And you did a great job. I'm glad that you came in. Thank you. It's been a privilege, and I thank you all for inviting me. You're very welcome. You're the best. You have a wonderful physique. Thank you very much. That was Borat. That was Borat. I am engaged. It's awesome. He's married. Mom? No, I'm not engaged right now. Come on to the studio, Mom. Bob is so scared.
Be careful. I have a wife that fears me. Handling a wild animal. Did you just say that you have a wife that fears you? Yes. All right. We are going to watch Lost in the other room. What I'm going to do right now is I'm going to play something that is one of the things that we regularly do here on the show so that people can get an idea of what we do. When we come back, we'll be watching Lost. How about that? Awesome. Theme music to Tyrone and Tortilla, Eddie and I's alter egos. I am Tyrone, the black guy. Eddie is Tortilla, the Mexican guy. And what we do is we interview people and we, for some reason, we accuse them of being a racist. For no reason. Now, generally, there are people that wanted to come on the show, wanted to be interviewed, and we would never in a million years, never interview them. Ever. The only reason we do is because we know we could have fun at their expense. Somebody asked us a long time ago. Hey, at the end of it, why don't you tell them that it's a joke? Are you kidding me? That ruins all the fun. Yeah. It's way more fun to jack with them and then have Eddie talk to their publicist off the air right after. Well, that's not that fun. Where they're just upset and freaked out. Anyway, this woman is writing an unauthorized biography, which, by the way, I never support or like. I don't like unauthorized biographies.
You know, that means that they're writing about their life a bunch of dirt, and that means that the person said you can't do it. They're doing it anyway, and they generally don't know what they're talking about. But talk about trying to take advantage of a situation. This lady's writing an unauthorized biography on Martha Stewart. We got her on the line? Yep. First of all, I have to say me, me, me, me, me, me. Bumblebee, bumblebee. That's right. All right, here we go. Hello, is this Patricia Chantel? Yes, it is. Well, thank you for joining us, Patricia. My name is Tyrone. And I'm Tortilla. And together we are the Tyrone and Tortilla Show. Orale. Patricia Chantel is currently writing an unauthorized biography on Martha Stewart. That's correct. Check it out, man. Now, let me ask you, Patricia Chantel, currently writing an unauthorized biography on Martha Stewart. What makes you such a friggin' expert on Martha Stewart? Well, I actually worked for Ms. Stewart for a while. Wow! Her show previous to the one on network. Wow. Then I'm guessing you had to be white. Yes. Yes, you did have to be white. Good. Exclusive. An exclusive. Martha Stewart is racist. Thank you for...
This interview's over. That's right. That's it. We should end the interview there. I think you misunderstood. I thought I was asked if I were white. No, you confirmed. You said. You said Martha Stewart only hires white people. You said it. Well, actually, that's interesting you should bring that up because since her turn in prison right now, I don't know if you've been watching television or heard any of her latest interviews, but there is a real push out to start hiring hiring and doing more stories that cover a broader spectrum, not just the pieces that seem to be all fluff and polish, but actually more stories about how to take care of one another and how to apply a lot of the filmmaking techniques. Patricia Chantel is an expert on Martha Stewart. Do you really think Martha Stewart was rehabilitated in there? Because it It took my Uncle Otis seven visits to get the benefit of prison. I'm sure it was a life-changing experience for her, and certainly... You ever spent any time in the can? Not exactly, no. Once there was an anti-war protest. Oh, you were a hippie. Well, it was...
Not that long ago, actually, but okay. Oh, so you do this now in your life. Free love. That's right. Do you shave? Excuse me? I say, do you shave your legs and all that? Are you like the normal hippie? I think what you're... I'm guessing you wear like... It's a little anachronistic. I'm a big fan of the salon and waxing. Can you hold on a minute? What'd she just say? Something about salon selective. All right, Patricia Chantel. She's currently writing an unauthorized biography on Martha Stewart. Do you think that Martha will have to, you know, trade lovemaking for cigarettes now just to make it enjoyable? She become accustomed to that? No, I don't think that will. Hey, Chantel. No, her name, Tortilla, her name is Patricia Chantel.
Chintel. Oh. Hey, lady. Yeah? I hear Martha has a special Mexican she brings in to spit on when she feels the need to relax. Oh. Is that true? Gosh. Tortilla says Martha spits on Mexican. I know. I don't. That's not. That can't be correct. I heard she's doing a new TV show now that she's out. What do you think the name is going to be? Recently paroled white bitches? That's a good one. What about washed up white women fresh from the can? Ooh, I like that. Because that one makes it sound culinary. Rolls off the tongue. Because the can has two meanings. Maybe you could help me come up with a title for my book. You're so good at that. How about hippie broad that uses salon selectives writes book? That nobody cares about. That's tortilla. Now, let me ask you, Patricia Chantel. Currently writing an unauthorized biography on Martha Stewart? Yeah. Why do you know so much about Martha Stewart but not other female cons like Left Eye from TLC? Is it because Lefty was black? Well, and isn't she also dead? Yeah, that would be another reason not to be able to write about her. She dead. Yes. Yeah. How come you don't write about her? Well, because... Because she's black. I never worked for her.
Primarily because she's dead. And black. Hey, Chantel. No, Tortilla. Her name is Patricia Chantel. Right. Hey, lady. Yeah? When she was in the can, I heard she was part of a gang that raped a security guard with a doily. Is that true? Well, that would be keeping with her persona. Right. Is that true? No. Oh. I bet you like Martha Stewart because she says tomato instead of tomato, don't you? Yes, and sometimes she says potato, and I find that very amusing. Who are you people? I bet you think that she would say string the knee.