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28 Hour Show - Movies - Part 6
28 Hour Show MoviesKIOZRock 105.3
Footloose watch alongdance bansmall town repressionteen rebellionreligion and censorship1980s pop culturelive radio comedyfootloosewatchalongradiocomedydance
Mike, Skye, Ashley, Rob, Eddie, Sean, and Budweiser watch Footloose in sync, turning its dated clothes, earnest dancing, and small-town melodrama into a running barrage of pop-culture jokes. In the film, Ren McCormick survives a tractor duel with Chuck, dances out his anger, teaches Willard to dance, and proposes a senior dance to challenge Beaumont's ban. After Chuck attacks Ariel, Ren argues that the real fight is against the town's repression, then tells the council that scripture itself portrays dancing as celebration and worship. Reverend Moore eventually rebukes a book-burning crowd, relents on the dance, and the movie ends with Ren, Ariel, Willard, and Rusty celebrating after one last fight while the hosts struggle toward 2 a.m.
What happened, in order
Footloose setup
Mike and the group introduce Footloose, explain that Ren McCormick has moved to a town where dancing is outlawed, and predict that the movie will be perfect material for their commentary.
Synchronized kickoff
After repeatedly checking that the studio, parking lot, and home audience are ready, the hosts count down together and start the movie.
Tractor chicken
The group ridicules Ren and Chuck's tractor chicken race as an absurdly slow showdown and then cheers when Ren survives it.
Angry warehouse dance
Ren storms off to dance out his frustration in a warehouse while the hosts narrate every leap, jazz hand, and sudden change of scenery as increasingly ridiculous.
The dance proposal
Ren rejects the town's moral panic and realizes that the students should challenge it by organizing a senior dance.
Bridge tragedy
The movie reveals that drunken teenagers died in the Crosby Bridge crash, the event behind Reverend Moore's protectiveness and Beaumont's restrictions.
Teaching Willard
Ren patiently teaches Willard to find the beat through an extended dance-training montage that the group treats as one of the movie's funniest sequences.
Chuck attacks Ariel
Chuck confronts Ariel over Ren and violently hits her, prompting the hosts' darkest jokes and Ren's insistence that his fight is with the whole town rather than one jealous boyfriend.
Council showdown
Ren asks Beaumont's council to abolish the public-dancing ban and argues from scripture that dancing can express celebration and worship.
Book-burning rebuke
Reverend Moore discovers townspeople burning books, denounces their judgment, and finally recognizes how the crusade against corruption has become its own form of harm.
Final fight and dance
Chuck's gang crashes the celebration, Ren and Willard fight them off, and the long-promised dance finally erupts into an exuberant finale that the exhausted hosts gleefully mock.
People mentioned
MikeSkyeAshleyRobEddieSeanBudweiserRen McCormickAriel MooreReverend MooreWillardRustyChuck CranstonKevin Bacon
10,838 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Wow, we got Footloops on the screen, man. Dude, that looks so masculine. Never seen it. Mike, you are going to enjoy this viewing. I've seen, like, this scene that they're showing in the menu deal. Yeah. Now, in that scene, Sky, where he's dancing like that, is he supposed to be serious? Yeah, oh, yeah, definitely. He's trying to let loose his, like, inhibitions, his anger. Get into the dance. Because he's in a town. Let me explain this to you. Tell him. Dude, he's in a town that has outlawed dance. Right. You know how pissed off that makes you? You know that dance-off we had today, Mike? Wouldn't it happen? No. Be illegal. Sometimes you just got to go into a lumberyard and let loose. Dude, that's what I'm saying. Footloose. Rick knows. Kick off your Sunday shoes. Budweiser knows. He does it. That's right. Bud's here. Him and his beard. You want to hear the Netflix description of the movie? I like my beard. Kevin Bacon plays Wren McCormick, a decidedly urban teen who's transplanted to a small Midwestern town where dancing is outlawed. Recruiting his best pal, the quiet Willard, played by Chris Penn, and his girlfriend, Lori Singer, a clergyman's daughter, Wren starts a revolution by moving to the beat. Revolution. Let's start one.
Holy cow. Did you say his name is Ren or Ran or what? I like Ren. Let's go with Ren. Not Ram. It is Ren. R-E-N. Question. That's his name. Where is B-Dub and Mike Costa? Costa left, and B-Dub is right there. Thankfully off mic. Oh, that's not fair. Did you hear? No more inappropriate comments. That was fair. Oh, the fans feel so good. So good. Holy, dude. So much better. All right, so everybody needs to get footloose in their DVD player. And just get footloose in general. I've got to say, that's the first time I've ever said that sentence in my life. Really? What? That's surprising, actually. Hopefully the last. So everybody get footloose. Footloose. Kick up your Sunday shoes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Hopefully you have this on your screen right now. You got the menu on your screen. Man, if you thought the last movie was gay. Oh, no. Strap in. Well, just look on the menu, bro. That's right. Like there's a feature here that says extra gays.
Okay, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to say one, two, three, play, and that's when you hit the play button. We'll all be synced up at home and here, and everybody in the parking lot, are we ready? Yes. One. Wait, wait, wait. I don't feel comfortable yet. You're not ready? I don't feel comfortable. You're not ready? I just want to make sure everybody's got the movie in. Everybody got the movie in? Everybody's not freaking out. Everybody got the movie in? Are we ready? Okay, I'm feeling better now. All right. Cool. I'm going to say one, two, three, play, and then I'm going to press play. Is Budweiser going to sit in on this? Sure, why not? I'm sorry. Oh, sorry, I invited him. I mean, I said, please sit next to me, and then I practically handed him the mic. Why are you apologizing? I don't know. Why are you apologizing? I'm sorry. I know you're attracted by chubby cheeks, but do not go there. I like two things. What? White guys and chubby guys. Oh, well then, right up your alley. That's right. All right, so again, it's one, two, three, play, and hit the play button. Are we ready? Yeah, why not? One, two, three, play. Footloose. Let's do this. So excited. This is going to be awesome. I haven't seen this guy. Oh, dude, Mike. It's been years since I've seen him. Yeah, it's been a while for me, but all I know is Mike's going to love it. Traded PG for perfectly gay.
Oh, I got to turn the thing up. Oh, volume. How many stars are in that Paramount logo? A lot. Here we go. Here we go, Mike. Come on, Mike. Get in. Dude, that's Senator Craig. There he is. Nice. Oh, right on. Nice. Nice. Start off strong. Love it. Topical. We're getting foot loose, Ashley. And that bathroom is busy. Drop the lights. Are those bowling shoes? Yes. It's a sauna in here. I know. Oh, my gosh. That's fun. Is it really hot to you? It's like a sauna in here. If I saw that underneath my bathroom stall, I may go for it. What? Get it. John Lithgow. John Lithgow? He's the villain. No way. He's so good, yeah. Chris Penn, dead.
Yeah. I mean, whose idea was this? That's terrible. Awesome person. I'm sitting in the theater. I'm getting up already. Look at that. Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Jackson. Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Jackson. Such a dick. Oh, wow. That's hot. Michael Jackson's date. Oh, wow, that is so awesome. Anorexia is funny, eh, guys? Yeah. Sorry. I have those socks. Is this movie dated or what? Oh, man. Why do you say? It's like, all these bag ladies wear that now. Bag ladies. Interesting observation. Hey, Ashley's boots. Yes. I'm not kidding. Yes. Okay, you're a maniac. We get it.
It can be cool. Easy, Christopher Reeve. My first boo, yes. That's my favorite joke. Thank you, John. You got it. Brutal. So he's keeping the town down? You'll seem to chill out. Yeah, don't get ahead of yourself, man. Yeah! Let's dance! Isn't that the dude from Third Rock from the Sun? Wait, isn't that the guy that saw the gremlin on the wing?
Kevin Bacon almost went with Kevin Ham. Little note back. Did you hear that? You can find it on IMDb. Not true at all. I heard he almost went with Ham Bacon, which didn't make sense. Really? Who's that dude? A little gel in that, maybe? Something? And what am I going to tell him on that day? I don't know. He's not that good. Neither is the guy. I'm sure that doesn't smell. Yeah, Leonard Skinner would not be having that. This is like Mikey on Fridays.
I saw the shot. I had to take it. I was only below the hard deck for a minute. Oh, wait. Wrong movie. Anyway, the band's third day. This one's called Tunnel. I'll see you guys later. It's heat stroke. It's heat stroke. It's heat stroke. It's heat stroke. It's like in here earlier. Oh, man. Oh, my gosh, he's dying. Okay, they hit a roofie. You could lose some weight. Anyway. I'm wide awake, guys. Just so you know. That tie would be so much better with a keyboard on it. Right? Daddy, we're horse. Sorry, just saying. Oh, I love it. Accurate. Hi. Daddy, me, Edna, Winnie, Joe, and Rusty are going down for a soda. Rusty. Going down for a soda? Remember, you have school tomorrow. Who's soda? What, a Mr. Pibb, or what are you doing? Tab? The original Sex and the City cast? Yeah. S.J.P. made both cuts. Nice. Oh, my God, I almost had her baby.
Well, did she decide who the father was? There's no question. It was Dwight. Rob. B-Rob. Rob. Oh, sorry. Sorry. It was there. What? It was a small town. Slim pickings. You're telling me. Yeah. Uh-oh. Tough guy. Thermal underwear. Hot. Going my way. Hey, any of you chicks have a dip? What did you say? Yeah, what? What kind of town is that? Oh, with a P. That was the last movie. Oh, my bad. I thought he was looking for Alexis Arquette. What? I'm still here. Did you see the antlers on my car? The chicken. Come on, I'll take you along, girl. Is this the power where she falls out?
Yeah, Eddie, does anyone die in this movie? Chris Penn. Wait. What the hell is she doing? Now jerk away. Slam on the brakes. Uh-oh. Upskirt. Upskirt. Get that on the Internet. Eight minutes in, 42 seconds. Oh! Hey, Ashley. Smells like latex. Oh, my gosh. Oh, come on. Uh-oh. Anything to air that out, bro. Seriously. No, we didn't. If you look closely, you can see the cattle dying in the background. Oh, my God. Why are there seagulls following them? Oh, my God. It's like somebody gutted a salmon. Does he have a How's My Driving Bumper sticker on that car? Isn't that the third thing we tasted today? Yes. Close call. What kind of movie is this? Jesus, you should never have let her done that. I'm drunk. Sweet boombox in the back, buddy.
Have you met any of your teachers? No, I haven't met any of my teachers. Oh, boy. Here's a shoe. Here, guys, take some acid. Acid? I urinated on these earlier. Anyhoot. They're good for sunburns. Oh, look. Six degrees of you. It's a classic. I liked it. I get it. No, I like it. I like that one. I like it. There's nothing wrong with it. Is this on? There's nothing wrong with it. That was a good one. Where do you go after air this sucker out? I mean... We should stop the movie now. Stopped out. Amy, come back and sit down. I'm sure your cousin's... Is that like a glamour shot we're looking at? Yeah. Let's move on from that. Director, cut. So that's what happened to Napoleon Dynamite's brother. Oh, damn.
Wow, I didn't notice that. What was for dinner? Oh, look at that. Well, look at that clay, Skye. If you ask me, that hairstyle is whacked out. Why are they eating in the shed? That's an interesting observation. Because the outhouse was broken. Hey, guys, want to go to the high spot? Skye. High spot. What up? Oh, no. It's crazy. It's always crazy. Yep. Here comes his love. Ariel, are you out of your mind? I can't get it. You've stunk out hot in the valley. After he graduated, they drained his brain. Hey, Edna, you getting fries? If I am, you can't have any. Oh, face. Bring me Edna's fries. Hey, where you going? What are you doing?
Oh, we're going to jam. Wow, that is a boom box. Come on. You getting ready to dance, Mike? Linda Ronstadt, come on. Boom it. Get it. We guys want to hear it. Get it. Yeah. Breaking Electric Boogaloo. The soundtrack? Yeah. That's Elder Barge, if I've ever heard it. I want some Chaka Khan. Hey, no boobs. Oh, see, everyone can't just help themselves. Oh, yeah, pop. No, no, pop. Do it. So nice and gay. Is that Joyce DeWitt? Markie Post? Wow. Wow. Mark the Shark? That's Schneider. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow.
Yeah, dude, get it. Is that Hasselhoff? Horrified, man. So this is what goes on? God, I wish I lived in this generation. This is so me. We're mentally challenged. Oh, yeah. Just because he had a hot dog? They're really good at the high life. What is he, Tom Cruise? All right, fun's over. Fun is over. Furbert. Get home and watch Night Court. 80s reference? It's music, bro. Your mother didn't think you had any money with you. She said you were a whore. Too ugly to earn something like a tall girl.
In your chest, there's a couple of innies. Accurate. Mosquito bites. Somebody smuggling raisins. Go ahead and put the gel in and then come talk to me. Rem, why is the lotion out again? In September, when you go off to college, you can dress like David Bowie. David Bowie? David Bowie is in this. Oh, my God. What is that, Quiet Riot? Yeah, dude. He's tough. He's so cool. Those guys are not having that. Time to have a dance-off. Nothing says rock like a yellow Volkswagen. With a CP antenna in the back. Yeah. Yeah, any of you socias want to fight?
We're soda potty. Yeah. Do it for Johnny, man. Do it for Johnny. I'm scared, darling. Yeah. I don't want to die. Don't you fix. He's cute. Get that outfit. Hold your pants up. Hey, man. Hey. Is that Tony or Chris? Hey, wizard. Oh. It's the gay one. Oh, that was so accurate. Okay, which one? So they're one person? Oh, my gosh. You want to go listen to George Strait? How you doing? All right. You want to go kill stuff? My brother has all the talent. His brother's Sean Penn. Okay. You guys get it? Yeah. Champagne. Thanks, Eddie. Thanks, Eddie. She looks good in those Farrahs. Great. Here we go. Nice Jordache. What are you, crop dusting? Foo-chee! Very good. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ferbert. Ferbert. Ferbert. Chicago, wow, man. That's like a big city, right? There's like black people there, right?
Y'all got, like, pocket combs and stuff there? Yeah, what? Hey, man, have you ever seen condoms? What's a girl? Real girls? We could get one of them to dance. Just one, and that was it. We'd get out on the floor, and we'd really start to smoke. You know, we'd start cutting into each other, and these girls would just stop. Whatever they were doing, they'd look. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, there, Biden. You guys buried it. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. Do you know flock of seagulls? Hey, man, you ever bang a sheep?
Feels the same. We started dancing. Okay. All right. We're stuck to each other. What the? It's true, Ashley. I mean, I don't. No, really. I mean, I've tried lots of different things. I'm telling you. Wait a minute. I've got a tongue in my ear. We get to the car. That's funny. Let's go get stuff with a bat. By stuff, I mean old women. Recline back. You know the elderly. That's a really cool story. Let's go drop bowling balls off stuff. She's clawing my chest. She's biting my neck. I'm trying to get over the stick shift. Let's go shoot milk jugs. All of a sudden, she starts screaming at the top of her lungs. Let's go shoot something. Don't stop. Don't stop. Make ginger pop. Oh, shit, really? No. Oh, man, you... You ever fart into a jar and smell it later? We did dance. What? This is Carrie. This is Carrie. What's his name? Bradshaw from Sex and City. Oh, chicken. Gun. Dude, you're playing into the stereotype. Dancing. There's no dancing, right? That's right. What?
It's illegal. Jump bag. Jump bag. What's that sound? Applesauce. Big feet. Now they're just convinced it's all a sin. How come Anthony Michael Hall didn't get your part? The director really likes those long shots. It's true. He's real pretty. Awkward. Places upstate you can't dance. Places in Kansas and Arkansas. You want to go eat stuff raw? I don't know. Never asked. You rich? I just asked because you have a cassette. Get serious.
Jump back. Don't you ever listen to the radio? You filled your whole tank for 25 cents. Thank you, George Bush. They don't. They're a music group. What do they call themselves? Oh, no. They don't go like kids on fire. Uh-oh. It's the buzz. It's the buzz. Great. It's Jackie Gleason. Oh, shit. Pull over, kid. Oh, Sean really liked that one. Let me see your license and... Tell me what the problem is. Will you just step out of the car, please? Hey, Jim, these plates are Illinois State. Yeah, the problem is Chris Penn's in your car. Hey, I just bought that. It's mine now, Jerky. Is there a law against loud music? Let's watch that attitude, boy. Don't tase me, bro. That is Napoleon Dynamite's brother. Yeah, sure. It's just a way you can't dance here. Seriously, it's not like it's a big deal. You just can't dance here.
I met your mom on the internet. You're just jealous because I've been chatting online with babes all day. All day long. Go ahead. Try to hit me. You guys right. Let's go like kids on fire. Honey, are you still in there being pure? Honey? Dad, are you looking at typewriter porn? I was surprised. Yeah. Honey, you're still a virgin, right? Your breasts are still horribly stunted, right? Your hair's still not working out, right? Down there. Oh, no. Okay. That was good. That was good. We're just keeled over with laughter. One of the two. I'm offending myself. God. What's music? This is mad music. I think it's heightened. Is the show over yet? Dad? It's uplifting. How come I'll only be in one movie? It doesn't confuse people's minds and bodies. Where do babies come from?
Dad, why are you riding Jodie Foster again? Could you tell your mother to go on to bed? I still have a lot of work. That was for you, Mike. Come on. Thank you. I enjoyed it. Hey, Gabe. Hey, Gabe. What's up, kid? What is it? It's the third rock from the sun, Dad. It's a script. Read it. Just look at it. Do a bump. I think you'd be great. Yeah. You'd be really great for it. Hey, Jack. I'll catch you later. Dad, why am I 6'4 and you're 5'9"? There he is. Rob. Easy there, leather jacket. Might want to pull your hat down a little bit, bro. Let's have a dance-off. Yeah, dancing off. Why even bother with the hat if you're going to wear it like that? So that's where Ashton Kutcher got it from. I thought only assholes use the word pansy. He pulled out pansy. Get him. You're dead now, city kid.
I'm going to stick that CB antenna right up. Oh. Lehigh? Wasn't he the first winner of The Apprentice? Yeah. I think he's at an Edwin McCain concert right now. Wow. Wow. Four years later. That's unbelievable. Let it go, dude. You're on the show. Come on. It's over, man. Dale Earnhardt Jr. Dude, that's his daddy. That's his daddy. Nuh-uh, for real? First thing you need in this town is a sponsor. Where are you going, Intimidator? Wrangler jeans. They just work. Dude, it's flower petals. They're not that heavy. He works at the flour mill. Cotton. Nice sticks you have. Oh, hey. Ashley. That's a guy. Oh, hi. Ariel. Chuck Cranston wants to see you. I call her Areola. Yeah. Meet him over at the back of his daddy's feet. Love doing Little Mermaid. Aren't you the chick with feminine body odor?
Can you seriously put your leg down? You have that not-so-fresh feeling. Anyway, Chuck will find you. You want that? Oh, she is a whore. Seriously. Hey, let's do some coke. I got some on my shirt. I volunteer. Hey, McCormick, where the hell are you? Right here, Dale. They're great. Okay. And what is this? Vision Quest. I got a little gymnastics in. What is this, Gymkata? So he wants to see me. Nothing? Gymkata? You don't remember that movie? I don't know. I don't even know what that is. Great movie. Yeah. Oh, yeah, American Anthem. Good call. Remember that one? Yeah. Anyway. Are you still moving? Whoa. Hey, Hotshot, calm down. Not in this town.
Hey, you want to hit the showers? She's trying to make people forget she's a preacher's kid. She hangs out with Chuck. Maybe. Watch my pirouette. Yeah. So let me get this straight. This town doesn't have a 7-Eleven, but it has a gymnastic team. Come on. See, whore. I guess your daddy's a fire chief. Yeah. By the size of your hose. My daddy hates me wearing these boots. He calls them whore boots. It makes me boots. Fervert. Don't tickle me. It makes me... It makes me boot. Why do you want to do that? It's cuz. Cut out for more in this small turn. Why are you tucking that in? Small turn. Will you turn Journey Escape up just a little bit louder? I have to go. And welcome to the world of AIDS. Twice in a row. Bravo. Definitely. Definitely for that one. Nothing could be simpler. Just remember to stay calm. Calm. Calm. I've never driven a tractor before. It's easy. Look. This is your clutch.
These are your testicles. Keep them pointed at the camera. Nice hat, by the way. He stole it off a scarecrow. Hey, you're drunk. Yeah, a lot to smoke. I think you've had too much. It's stunted your breasts. Well, don't tell me that either. Bob, you're smoking cloves. You're not high. Oh, here we go. You know what's cool? Farming. What's the matter with your hips? Your hips should lie. Later, Ashley. She'll never be back. Is she going to work? Don't know. Hey, Woody. Woody, come here. Where's B.C.? Okay. Has anybody ever died doing this? Just once. Wasn't that meat from Porky's?
I think it was. I'm not kidding. IMDB, son. Check it out. Uh-oh. Yeah, do it. This is track to music right here. That's what I'm saying. How do you guys like my sweatshirt? It's salmon. I refuse to have a logo on my sweatshirt. Is that the guy from Melrose Place? For real. The guy that he's... Going up against that guy? No, the guy... That dude? Is that guy? Who is this? Holding out for a hero? Yeah, this is a jam. I need a hero! Great kid. Oh, great. We got about half an hour before anything happens. I need a hero. I'm holding out to the thing till the thing gets it right. And you gotta be things and you gotta get your deal and you gotta... I need a thing here. You gotta deal when you're feeling the thing.
This is the most undramatic chicken race I've ever seen. What do you mean? With trafters? A couple of John Deere lawnmowers. Can you hit fast forward? Wait, we're almost there. Only 22 more minutes. Like, what's the idea? You jump out? How do you get stuck in a track? You stupid redneck. This is dangerous. This is dangerous. Because it's going so fast, he can't reach down. Yeah. Me! Oh, no. Wow. Oh, you're the bravest of all the brave guys. Uh-oh. Who just died? Hooray! Oh. You need an e-break. Dude, you're going to break your butt. Uh-oh. Poo everywhere. Nice pleated pants.
All right, one more round of I Need a Hero. Definitely not. Greg, we're all right. Thank you. Go smoke some pot out back. I need a hero. Hello. I think there's a poodle on her back. He has two practice every day until four. On Monday, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, he works at the Bemis Mill until six. Whoa, with the hips. She's like, it's a form. It's that strange. She's so going to throw up those french fries. Hurry up. We have to binge. Oh, my teeth are brittle.
Besides, what is wrong with you? I like fries because they remind me of fingers. He's from out of town. Don't tell me it doesn't curl your toes there. I know you too well. I wonder if you're so bad you probably memorize bus schedules. And you don't? Sarah Jessica Parker as small town girl four. Hey. I'm Beck. Beck. Nice. Hey, asshole. You're a loser, baby. So why don't you kill me? I got two turntables. Want to touch my microphone? I've been watching you these past couple weeks. I know you're not stupid. How do you know? For your information, I am stupid. Thanks a lot, man. Thank you, but I got my own sources. You know, I've been getting into hog triangle. What do you say we just call this a sample? Want to buy a J?
Rich, Rich, Rich, hold up, man. Look, look, I don't want your shit. I don't do this. I do meth. You know, you're taking some real chances being new in the school. I got to show you something. Wait, this is Tim. This is Tim. Come back, Joe. Oh, no. Oh, no. Why, I ought to choke you with that hoodie. You think I'd do that with a real joint? Do you know what an OZ is going for these days? Minnesota airport all over again. I am not gay. Out of paper towels. Oh. Seems a bunch of kids was raising some hell out of Burlington Cranston's property. Nice transistor radio. Hello, come in. Oh, pandas! Sean! Sean, did you see that? Sean, there were pandas on the TV. Sean, they may show them again. Sean, did you see it?
Well, you know, Ren, whenever we used to call up to you folks there in Chicago... Sean, do you need a pillow back there? Yeah, to smother you. And I don't know what to make of it. But it seems a lot of people are pointing a finger in your direction lately. And what are they saying? They're saying my head looks like a cul-de-sac. You just seem to be having a lot of trouble since you moved here. And I figured... You figured where there's smoke, there's fire. Fire, right? You a soci... You know that I would know. You're a soci, right, Dad? Yeah, well... Well, don't... Whatever, Bob. See? I'll acid wash your jeans. Come back. He's taking the car. Oh, no. Oh, no. Dumb hair. I need to, like, dance and stuff. Yeah. I'll make this Beatle move. Why didn't we get John Travolta for this role? It's like crazy, yo. Zero to 60 in 45 seconds. Stayin' alive soundtrack. I'm putting in the kinks. I'm getting worked up here. Do it, dude. Come on. Just let it all out, man. Get it. Come on. Screw this town. Yeah. Yeah. Let me drink my old duels.
Done with this orange crush. Yeah, and a turn. Yeah, he's thinking of her. How could you tell? He's drinking the beer. This whole town. Don't they let me dance? Yeah, here we go. Yeah, yeah. Do it. Oh, wow. Sexy. That was so hot. I do this every Thursday. Yeah? I do, too. Therapeutic. It's called Gymboree. Jazz hands and fussy fussy. That's a pretty good car stereo if you keep hearing that. Yeah, right? Two, three, two, three, three, four, three, four. Oh, my God. No way. Did that really just happen? Oh! Tighten the loafers. And jazz hands. Yo!
Ow, razor burn. Where did he just go? Through a car engine? It shows him, like, by the Eiffel Tower now. The pyramids. Like, what is going on? Vietnam. Yeah. He's on the Great Wall. Yeah. Every screen is a different country. This is all taking place inside Liberace's colon. Oh, my God. No, no, no. That's actually the truth. It's in the extras. Greg Louganis, the musical. And Mary Lou Retton. Wow. As the beaver. Oh, wow. Diving in the bubble. Spider-Man. Tom Cruise comes running in. What are you doing here? That was actually Tom Cruise, that voice dubbed that scream. I was alone. Not in this town. Guys everywhere. What do you think? Want to have intercourse? How come you don't like me? What makes you think I don't like you? You never talk to me at school. You always sweat around me.
Yeah, well, maybe that's because if I did, your boyfriend would remove my lungs with a spoon. A dull one. Jack Cranston doesn't owe me. Sure, he likes to act like he does, but he doesn't. A poop job's been invented yet. Someday. Let's just say I know you're on your period. Bro. Bro. No, you sit down. No bowing. No. You don't think much of me, do you? What's the matter with me? You think I'm a small town? I'm losing it. I think Beaumont's a small town. You're ruining my seat. I'm going away. No. No. No. No. Oh, man. No. He's going to come after me. But I'm going to be gone. You know, they make those in Theoda right now.
Can you just get out of the car? Wanna see something? No! Look at this. If it's your penis, no. Oh, yes. Okay, you're totally into it. Stuff we're not supposed to read. This is all out of books? Most of it. Some songs, magazines. Some poems will get made up. I like to come here and tie off. I'll sing to you with silver swans of kingdoms and carol. You ever see a farmer's handkerchief? Underneath an innocent scar. You are dead. It's not even like this. That's all right. What time is it? Okay, well, you know what a cow knuckle is?
The train here. Moose knuckle. Not in this case. We come out here? Just a few of us, and we stand here. Then when the train comes, we make out like crazy. Sometimes with our time. I got a question for you. How come it looks like you're smuggling yo-yos? What's up with that? Why do they call you Jujubees? That's a pretty sweet ninja toy you got going. For sure. Don't try to impress me with this. Let her do it. Tripper, make the movie interesting. Let's turn this into a murder mystery. Stop it. You'll be a quadripleological. I want to see you turn into a parallelogram. And this is awkward. I'm gay. Or whatever. Just do it. I have bigger breasts than you. Can I interest you in a vanilla long john? You wanted him to talk. What? Dude, I'll shut up. I'm sorry. No, no, no. I want more vanilla long john. Oh, someone's disheveled. It's late. Yeah.
You missed your 8 o'clock awkward tucking. Come iron my pajamas while I wear them. Just the bottoms. Time for my bourbon enema. I don't want you to see him anymore. Why? Because I've heard he's a troublemaker. Just because he hasn't lived in this town for 20 years doesn't make him a troublemaker. Ariel, I don't know. Ariel, in your room. Time for shadow puppets. I won't use my hands. Dad, it's always a snake. Oh, finally. Oh, great. Nice rickshaw. Being gay. Being gay. Yeah, but that's not why I'm off the team, see? No, no. I'm off the team because they just don't have the funds for one more gymnast this year, but thank you anyway.
You know, I'm busting my balls. 50 more cents, you can clean the front. Hey, McCormick, sorry to hear you got caught. Yeah, up yours. Up your nose with a rubber hose. You know what it is, partner? You got an attitude problem. Oh, I got an attitude problem? And I'm not the only one who's noticed it, man. I mean, we're not living in the goddamn Middle Ages here. We got TV, we got... Yeah, well, you try dancing in a hot factory. Yeah, well, I haven't noticed a wet T-shirt contest in town yet. Where's your bill? Well, I'm waiting patiently. I'll tell you what I like to do, man. I like to glue a Playboy centerfold inside every one of Reverend Moore's hymns. Yeah, you know what else we could do? We could start winning your nightclubs right there in the church, huh? Kiss me. Dance. What? Dance. We could have a dance.
You know what dance? You know what I mean? Dance! Okay. Oh, my mouth. Stop making me do that! Who's your sponsor? You know, I was down in Denver last year for about a week. Was that before I got my Afro, honey? Reverend, how can you live in such a small town? So far away from the hustle and bustle of the 20th century. I'll leave the light on for you. I'd say to them, you'd never ask me that. If you could just once, just for one minute, experience the feeling of that that comes from knowing that all of our lives are tied up with each other's. That we feel all the same joys, same sorrows. And that's when I became a furry. And that we care. Oh. Uncalled for. I thought we were past it.
I just feel closer to my lord out there. And I feel closer and safer with my people. It's all the same woman. Well, this is how John Kevorkian used to do it. And that's where I'm staying. Bingo! Bethel, I told you, we're not playing bingo. I'll find my boobs. This is the eighth night we've gone looking, Ariel. Give it up. I want you guys to see what you've all been missing. Brian, I know you're not going to let Willard fight, right? I don't fight. Let's get this gremlin up to 45. Love it. This was when he was still Cougar. I was a young boy. Talk about all the things you can do with the deal. So it looks like we're not missing much.
Finally, we're going to get to some dancing. Let's dance for dips. I just don't feel comfortable, man. There's no hay here. I can't dance. Or read. Oh, my. Oh, wow. Yeah. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. Karen Carpenter called. She wants her body back. So weird, man. Kevin Bacon's dancing with Rita Rudner. That's what's a matter. Yeah, I've been waiting.
Waiting for the thing. And a pound of marijuana. Why do the girls with the small boobs always get everything? Yeah. It's not fair. I was just thinking the same thing. When we're done looking for your boobs, you want to go back to the car? Okay. Here we go. He's trying to work up his nerve. Is that the deal? He wants to. It's frustrating. It's just that there's no electric pole there. Well, he just doesn't want to go out there and look dumb. He should just look in the mirror. So for every song, Kevin Bacon takes his shirt off.
All right. Yeah. Duh. Called auto mechanic chic. Oh, nice. You see that robot in there? Oh, wow. Wow, that's pretty good. These people in this town eat grass. Look at how scary that dude is. Okay. That can't be good for the boys. No way. This movie's very similar to The Accused. Okay. Okay. I don't want to know anymore. All right. Like, watch. There's a pinball machine in here. Hey. Hey. Here you go, guys. Anybody? Sure. All right, that's it. Who's got a Camelot? Broadcasting from the Cricket Wireless Studios. You're listening to 28 Hours of the Mikey Show. On KIOZ San Diego. The following takes place between 1 a.m. and 2 a.m.
Yeah, I do. He's the Marlboro man. Last time you seen your dick, partner. You don't say that to Tom Selleck. It's too late. I'm drudging on my blood. Too much coke again. Oh, man, that was fun. Right off the boobs you don't have. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So which one of you ladies wants a broken hymen? What? What? Wow. I don't even know what that word means. I used to tie off on this bridge. Gives me the creeps. How come? It's the bridges of Madison County. The infamous Crosby Bridge accident, right? You've heard it. No. You're missing out. The last one over has to jump off. These kids were playing power tag and they were drunk.
So one car hits the other one, and they both go over the edge of the bridge. Wow. Rich and compelling. Yeah. Boring. Tell about a story. Are you getting kicked out? Who farted? Father, what? Sorry. I'm really asking. Who farted? Jay, I knew it was you. You should have seen Bobby. He was like Warren Beatty. Oh, shut up. Well, you and your Warren Beatty stories again and again. For real, every time. No matter what. He's going to personally save this little pissant town, and he's going to deliver it up to heaven with his daughter sitting like a cherry on top of it. Dick Tracy. I don't know. What else do you want? Red's was fine. Get off the case, man. Ah, here he is. What you thinking about? Can you believe I made buckaroo bonsai? I called up to Rusty's last night. I wish cell phones existed. I don't understand why you feel unnecessary to lie to me. I don't know why you find it necessary to check up on me. I'm concerned about your well-being. I don't know why you find it necessary to tuck me in. I'm 17, Dad.
Ariel, I don't know what's provoked this outburst, but I don't like it. Well, maybe the fact that my name's Ariel. Sure. Don't you think we could wait on you? No, I don't think this can wait. Who are you? You know, I'm sick and tired of you coming in on her side. We're gonna have to start answering for ourself. I don't know what good that would do. You don't listen to me anymore, you listen to her. Whoa, Chuck Liddell. Anybody else turned on? Okay. You need a pillow? Wow. I've never hit anyone in my life. Word felt that good. We're losing her by Sky. What is she doing? What's the matter with her? Mike made me laugh and it was going to come out my nose. Willful.
She's like her father. I've been praying about your hair. The two of you were so wonderful once. Nope, still hasn't worked. There's so much to talk about. Well, back to work. God hates your follicles. Nope, still hasn't worked. Check in. Maybe he's busy. Sometimes people run out of things to say. Like this movie. Are you still here? Funny, I used to tie off in this place. Okay. It's 20 years now I've been a minister's wife. How many years have I had the same voice? Quiet, supportive, unobtrusive, and after 20 years, I still think you're a wonderful, you're a wonderful preacher. Why are you talking this way? You can lift a congregation up so high they have to go down to see heaven. Somebody's going to get bitch slapped.
And it ain't happening soon enough. And he's going to deserve it. I was the mom in Lost Boys. True. Very good. We could really use your support on this thing. I really don't think my mother would approve. Oh, it's a chick from Scooby-Doo. Hey, Velma. Velma. Just give it some thought, okay? Sleep on it, okay? Like, you guys are the dorks. Okay, thanks. See you later. Sounds great to me. Hey, how you doing, boy? Need any help? You just let me know. Not bad, boy. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, it's Tom Selleck. See, he's been here, and you're going to try to throw a dance at school. A senior dance. And he figured only a dumb son... Great, here comes his backup. Here comes his brothers. Oh, yeah. Uh-oh. There's meat. You guys stay right there.
Is he really going to get us to dance? You almost ruined my singing voice. I've only done that with my belt. Don't you have any better manners than that? Did your mama teach you better? Treat animals like that? Huh? How's it feel? Don't feel too good. Not as good this time. Moon's over my hammy. Why is Iceman in there? Whoa. Put a beaver costume on, bro. I'm going commando. Hey, you ever dressed like a panda? Oh, wow. My eyes are burning.
Oh, man. Wow. That was crazy. Hey, close your mouth, will ya? Is that Brady Quinn's? Oh, yeah. Worst song in the history of that crew at all. The teaching someone rhythm is the worst. What is this, the jerk? Oh, boy. Here comes the montage. One, two, three. One, two. One, two. I can't read. He can't snap. Leave him alone. Baby Ruth. Fire. Fire. Are you kidding me with this guy? Baby Ruth. Here you go. Oh, my. That's not funny. Oh, come on. He's on a leash now? You can't prance around a leash, Dad. That little girl's 96 years old now.
That's a nice piece. You're talking about that lady right there? Yeah. We're dancing. I always do summer clothes with my buddies. Dude, we were doing that just the other day. Man, this is me and Eddie when we first met. That right there, for sure. Yeah, exactly. All right, and then kiss. That's a Johnny Fairplay. Better. Oh, that is lame. More tapping. Okay, bro. Somebody tell these guys they look like jerks. I need a piece of wheat. What the hell was that move anyways? He's sitting down. It's the bathroom stall move. Oh, jeez. It's called the Minnesota Tapper. Can you do this on a John, dude? I don't care what era you were in. That's stupid.
Hey, here she is. Look at who it is. Here she is, everyone. It's Ashley. How many idiotic outfits can she have? Okay, that's a horrible robot. This one's called the Scarecrow. The Redneck Scarecrow. Baby Ruth. Baby Ruth. Come here. Come here. Fall into my arms. That was like Michael Vick's house. A book like this should be burned. Along with the children. Well, there's no sense blowing it up into something that it isn't.
Come on, Max. I'll kill you. Well, I think it's quite obvious what it is. All right, kids, up to my room. Listen over, Redenbacher. Reverend, you'll keep us saying so. I love your popcorn. I'm never going to keep your popcorn secret. Can I ask you a question? What's with the AIDS quilt? I don't think we had any grounds for his dismissal. Reverend, around here, it caused a lot of books. Okay. Okay. Doesn't take much time for corruption to take root. How long is that? I enjoyed that one. About as long as it takes compassion. Big man of AIDS humor. All right. Arthur. Okay, okay. Greg Louganis. Rock Hudson. Keep it up. It's like an Adam Sandler song. Rock Hudson. What's up, dude? Oh, he's pissed. Why'd you have to go and get six feet tall on me? I wanted to talk to you. You don't have to tell me nothing. I know why you don't call me a bitch slapper. She likes it. I wanted to tell you myself. Oh, well, I know why you don't want to see me anymore. Is that the girl from The Exorcist? Hey, I'm not stupid. Okay, well, maybe I am, but... It's McCormick, ain't it? No, it's Schmidt. You're just dying to screw McCormick, aren't you? Aren't you?
You're so stupid. No. Stupid. Stupid face. Here comes the bitch slap. You can wrap those skinny legs around anybody, won't you? Shut up! Oh! Ten. Get in the kitchen. Eight. Get in the kitchen. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Get up. Get up. Two. I got money on this. Yeah. Get up. Get up. Yes. No standing eight count. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We got a bite. Yeah. And... Hey, it's Jack Nicholson. Whoa. Wow. You're acting irrational. Hey, Carrie Underwood, calm down. Damn. Rape whistle. Oh, man. She should have got in the kitchen. Maybe if she had some boobs, he'd realize she was a woman. Go for the triangle choke.
Weak jiu-jitsu. Now run her over and finish her. Whatever, I can't go shoot whiskey. I'm sorry you have to see me like this. You know I'm ugly with no boobs and everything. I look okay? No. Yeah, you look great, Skeletor. To be honest with you. Somebody throw that bitch a sandwich. Honestly, Olivia Newton-John is more stacked than you. for taking on my father. Too far? I like it. Good job, Eddie. I loved it. Wait, no, wait. This is my fight, you know. It's with the town. It's not with one guy. You don't get to turn my fight into some kind of a screw you to your old man. Hey, Jenny Jones says you're flat. Oh. Listen, you started with that. You're brutal. I can't believe that. You look like a prepubescent Nicole Richie.
Take that, flat-chested lady that can't talk back. Maybe you shouldn't try so hard. It's stupid, but it's making me laugh. I don't care. What day is it? October. Okay. I was going to say blue. Do I still get the box? What's in the box? What's in the box? That's G.I. Joe. Look, it's her cherry. What? What? Oh, man. What? He's going to give it back. It's a porcelain cherry. Her father gave it to her. Plays music. I'm saying it's still in the box. A little beat up, though. Kind of like her. She's a keeper, I'll tell you that. Why? She takes a hit like no one else. And then wants to make out? Yeah. So what do you say?
Make out with that dude. You're telling me that didn't taste like Hep C? Come on. Tom Cruise called. And he wanted to film this scene with you. How funny would it be if he pulled back and whacked her in the face? It's funny. I used to tie off here. Rob. Still talking about the dance? He's over there making out with his girlfriend. What are you doing? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That was ridiculous. Dude. That's my cousin. It's true. It is true, though. That was a romantic scene. That girl just got beat up. That is awful.
Sean, I can't believe you say that. Guy doesn't talk all year and then the one show goes. Hey, girl's getting beat up. All right. We should do more of this stuff. Forget the courthouse. Let's Dutch oven. Oops, I sharted. Okay, your turn. Okay, your turn now. Wait, one more. Sorry, I had onion rings. I think something bad happened. I'm crowning. Not anymore. Are you against Imodium, too? Last one, dear. I swear, this is really the last one. Like, it really is. I'm kidding, I bet, but I'm laughing. Okay, now I'm laughing.
You try having colon cancer. Oh, that was freaking brilliant. Wow. What time is it? Oh, no. Yeah, I'm nervous. Too much. I love Footloose. Oh, yeah. It's a great movie. I'll never watch this again, but, man, it's good. You liar, you're going to have to buy it. Take a deep breath. My front teeth. What are you waiting for? Hit me with it. This is just us, right? All right.
Sorry, I threw up for a little bit right there. Oh, my butt. You taste like bruise. Oh, damn you flannel shirt. What the hell is that? It's a baby crying. She's crowning. It's the tree from Poltergeist. Oh, God. This is the show she's... Do you see now? Do you see? You don't go waving your flanks around here without people taking shots at them. Bunch of jerks and Mustangs and Madras. My business was off, but people are taking business away from me. You too. And your Aunt Lulu's been getting some ugly phone calls here. Aunt Lulu. Speaking of Lulu, how about that cul-de-sac there, Francis? I just said he'd been hearing some things about you. He thought maybe I ought to stay home and be a proper mother. Now, what did you say? By proper mother, do you mean have an afro? This is other jobs.
Where? Why shouldn't you call the police? Oh, I don't know how much good it'll do. Well, in a pajama factory for one. Will you stop? Will you stop? Or some backup with Kool and the gang. It's like something's choking everybody. They don't know they're choking. I miss dance in this town. It's not just a bad dance. Are they ever going to get that dance? That's what I mean. I watch you. I see. You filthy pervert. Mom, are you going to sit there this whole time and watch me dress? I mean, take the hint, Mom. Quiet, son. Let me tuck you in. Dad, first threat, please. Zip. Mom, weren't you in The Temptations? Hey, Mom, Bobby Colonel's called and wants his hair cut back. Oh, no, you didn't.
It's not even on the show anymore. Oh, wow. That's messed up. Rob, dude. I'm sorry. That was so called for. Oh, man. It didn't mean shit. Oh, my God. It didn't matter. Wow. I'm more beat than that broad in this movie. talking about? I don't know. Who's he talking to? That guy in the room? We should move to Arkansas where incest is legal. Otherwise, I'm just going to disappear. What's up? That's his mother. Jeez, Scott. Even I wouldn't take it there. Jeez.
Have some decorum. Didn't Eddie just make a colon cancer joke? Yeah, but that was appropriate. It was classy. A classy colon cancer joke? I just don't get it. You've never been... Never mind. Good edit. Virginia. And now I'm going to smash this watermelon. Excuse me. Get out my sledgehammer. You in the front row. Make it a little wet. Oh, my God. I found Waldo. We're not going to tolerate him. Did anybody see that guy? Oh, really serious. You whore. Somebody hit her. Dude. Yeah, hasn't it been five minutes? And I would like to move on behalf of most of the senior class of Beaumont High School that the law against public dancing to the down limits of Beaumont be abolished. Wow, bravo, sir. Someone had to say it. The coal miner. Mr. Chairman, could I...
Hey, Mike, did you see Gallagher over there? It's Donna Frye on the left. Not that enough. Is that A.C. Slater on the left? That's Zach. Belding. This makes me so uncomfortable. But you know, it's funny. Look at that dude on the left. The tie-off statement always starts with, you know, it's funny. Shut up. All those opposed. All those opposed to breaking watermelons on people in the first row, say aye. He's got the hammer. Eleanor, sit down. Yeah, punch her. All right, just ladies with black eyes now. Say aye. No pun intended. All right, now say left eye.
We moved to strike your hair. And your girlfriend. Are we really meeting about this? Tommy Lee just gave the same speech to Congress. And show their community spirit. And they danced to celebrate. And that is the dancing that we're talking about. Is he ad-libbing? Was there a script to this movie? In Psalm 149, praise ye the Lord. Sing unto the Lord. He said, all I want to do is dance, dance, dance. And boogie, boogie, boogie. Oh, hold up. This is Lord of the Rings. It was King David. King David, who we read about in Samuel. And what did David do? He's got a point here. What did David do? What did David do? You're right, honey. David danced before the Lord with all his might. Isn't that the guy that lived with Belki? Oh, my God. Larry? It is. Good call. And dancing.
Jalif, what about you? Do you like to dance? Is this night court? Yeah, where's Bull? Out dancing. Time to laugh and time to weep. Remember when Sky won the dance-off, like, a couple days ago? That was cool. Oh, yeah. That was awesome. There you go, Sky. Really good. That's awesome. Thanks, guys. It seems like ages ago. Remember the cook-off a few days ago? Yeah, I remember. What's that? I don't even remember. Hi, Sky. Hi, Sky. Garlic. I still smell like onions. There was a time for this love, not anymore. I don't know. Lori, Lori, smell like onions. Lori, Lori. All your glory. Smell like onions. You are an onion. I'm not an onion. It's a compliment. It means you're layered. It's the way it should be now. Think about it. Slowly.
Slowly. What are they deliberating on? He sold you. Just go home. Arrest my case. Yeah. You should have moonwalked out of there, buddy. That's how you finish the deal. Yeah, I'll show them. Great. Back to the shoveling guard. Horse turd is getting grainier and grainier. Wake up and smell the cough. As soon as you wake up and change. Hey, listen, go take a couple of left turns and beat it. When will I talk you into Wrangler Jean, son? Well, what are you going to do now? Oh, really? Where's the number three? What if it ain't? You know, if you close that, that stuff will stop falling out. He might get fired if he does that. By the way, son, where'd you get that salmon sweatshirt? Salmon? This guy said semen. How about the short arm of the law? How about the rubber glove on the long arm of the law? Is that a cowboy in your pocket, or are you just a... It's a cowboy. Go ahead. Happy to see me.
Is she going to get hit yet? You've got way too long. I know, seriously. I thought this was like a lifetime movie for a minute. You guys get that one? I thought this was a Farrah Fawcett movie. What's that, Burning House movie? The Burning Bed. Yeah, that's it. I thought this was the Burning Bed 2. It's like Ashley practicing for her commercials. And there arose a smoke out of it as the smoke of a great furnace. I'm a big fan, Dad. What is he talking to? Yes. Yes. I used to get such a kick out of watching you work up your sermons. I'd like to kick you in the face. It's different. I used to get such a kick out of kicking you. I'm going to give you a nice donkey punch. Show business, isn't it? Rob? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Sorry. You can filter some stuff. I really can't. There's nothing right now. Reach people's emotions. It's just coming out. I remember when you were just a little soccer ball. I heard from you for a while. Thursday. I was angry. You were angry. Great acting. We used to call you Tina Turner. Yes, you were. If you weren't, you would have asked me what was wrong. You knew. Ariel, I cannot let...
Pictures of Oscar De La Hoya in my clothes. Overruled. Overruled. Stop putting your tongue in my ear. What a twist. Dude. This is like six cents. I knew it. Oh, another hit. Another hit. Round one. Hit the old lady, too. Just for being there. There's a tornado on the way. Everyone in the cellar. A twister. Oh, it's great. A hippie revolution. Oh, great. Oval Redenbacher's burning books. Oh, everybody, listen to me. What is it, Belding?
When did you all decide to sit in judgment? When did you decide to run a mile? Yeah. Just walked outside, dude. Hey, guy. He went 20 feet. I love how the kids have the books in their hands. They're ready to go. They're burning everybody poops. Chris, take these out of here. Don't tell me what to do, building. Satan is not in these books. He's in Judy Blume books. He's in here. He's in your heart. Go on home, all of you. You too, Lipton. Go home. Eleanor, come on. Come on, both. Unless any of you have some burgers we can throw on this. Is there any flame or is it just smoking? Yeah, just smoke. It's like the dance competition from earlier. This guy's thighs. Just kidding. Yeah, dawg. Just kidding. They had a fog machine. Yeah. Sean just woke up. Come on, Sky, one more time. Up on the stage. Interpret this movie. Yeah. Sky, you won the dance competition.
Yeah, that's cool. You killed it. Mike, you own the cook-off, dude. This is pretty sweet. I own the cook-off. I still smell like garlic. It's like 1.35. That's it? In the morning? That's 1.35 in the morning, you guys. Okay. Test the morning and wrap it up, Mike. We would be getting up in two to three hours. We'd be getting up to go to work. I'd be going to sleep right now. That's ridiculous. And then going to work. Irresponsible. Isn't it ironic that Skye can't interpret the news, but she can interpret dance? Isn't that ironic? Maybe she should interpret the news through dance. You're so dumb. It's the news. Today in Haditha. Oh, man. You wouldn't have to worry about those flubs, huh? Oh, wow. I'm sorry. The filter is just showing off. Oh, yeah, yeah, because you don't do that Monday through Friday, okay? It's Wednesday. At least it wasn't a ham joke. I know how hard it is for you. We've got to play dumb chicken. Ham. Can I play? Can I play? No. No, he'll make inappropriate jokes. Let's get lost tonight.
Whoa, what's going on here? Play secretary. Whoa, hey, what's going on? Lower. Lower. What is this, Cinemax? Oh, so close. Should have punched her, dude. Yeah, she would have definitely kissed you after that. Oh, man. Look at those ladies. The Golden Girls. That's great. You know, the funny thing about this place is... Say it. It's where I used to tie off. That doesn't get old. Tying off. Rob! I can't figure it out already. Tie off. I didn't see taxi. I thought that was fish. Chad Hirsch. Chad Hirsch, yeah. Was it Chad? No. How many bow ties does this guy have? Philip Seymour Hoffman in the background. Lots of celebrities in this movie. This is killer, yeah. And like that. I find myself at that moment. Does she do anything else but make my face? Benicio Del Toro. Champ kind from Anchorman. Yep.
Is that Brittany? I'm getting my church on. If we don't start trusting our children... You know the funny thing about... Rob, I knew it was going to be bad before you said it. Don't do it. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. Let's race. What? What? What's going on, man? Is that the ghost again? Oh, no. Sorry, guys. I had a pass. Furbert. Furbert. Let's play some Q feel. I'm going to get up and just dance for a little bit. So, wait a minute. He's, like, the only guy that decides if people can dance? Yeah, since when did the preacher, like, make the rules? Yeah, like, he's in charge of dancing? Let's do this. Let's dance. Let's have a motorcycle gang. The gay amigos. The gay amigos. They multiply. Everybody has one? Me.
Hang on, my Vespa's trying to catch up. Dancing, illegal. Motorcycles without helmets, fine. Again, they don't have a 7-Eleven, but everybody has a scooter. Quiet, they're almost at the roller mill. Future home of Walmart. Oh, man, am I high. This is my part. This is how I contribute. Mom always said I'm full of hot air. Oh, those people suck at sleeping. Don't they have a gym? Yeah, they have a gymnastics team and no gym. I know, like, why are they in the middle? That was this movie, right? No, that was top good. Oh, look at the dude in the blue. Well, I'm, like, really proud. I think I made a big mistake. She got that dress on the bottom of a Cracker Jacks box. She looks good for a toothpick. Maybe these will make my boots bigger. Honey.
Your father punched me out in that exact dress. I have something for you. Two socks. Here, honey. There's two oranges. These are my brass knuckles. Silicone? Oh. What is... Right there, seriously. Yeah, can we get her another one? And then pull the dress over it? What is saline? Yeah. It's not going to help, bro. Nice. No gel. Dude. Oh, my. Check out that tuxedo. Oh, wow. You're flat. That's a statement. Napoleon. What's the matter? Are you having a really killer time? What? Yeah, I don't know where they went either. I said, do you have a phlobie inside?
I mean it. You are beautiful. For a dude. For a guy. Right to our eye. I hate this beetle. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You've got to beat the door like you. Wow. Abuse jokes. What dance has cake? And a million spoons. A cake dance? It's a cake walk. Hey, nice Gatorade. You have a couple of roofies in there. Well, maybe if you played good music, they would dance. Yeah, why is someone dancing? Whoa, that's Loverboy. Or just Mike Reno. You got that from Lloyd, Dumb and Dumber. Check out the blue one. Are you talking about Ashley's outfit? Yes. Nobody wants to dance with that guy. What's a song called? Almost Paradise. It's Mike Reno and some, what's the chick?
I'm knocking on a thing right now. Almost to my thing. I think the deal's here. Oh! Wipe it on the chick. What are you, Mike? Wipe it on the dog's mouth. That's a good Mike. You've got to eat it anyway. Saves a stamp. Did you say saves a stamp? That's not funny. Is this over yet? Let's go mudding. You know, funny thing about this field. Say it. And by mudding, I mean. No, no, no.
For those of you listening at the home, the voice you just heard was Ashley. Hit her with the steel chair. All right, if all you have is wood. Shaw, what is it? I just sharted. Do you have an extra pair of pants? I'm not kidding. Funny thing about wearing this sweater. Okay. Welcome to the World of AIDS. Don't choke me out with your belt. Wow. That just got hot. You just mouthed. What? Hi, Rusty. Hi, Rusty. Hi, Rusty Trombone. The old Mexican. Hello, Willard.
I got a roof to put up. Don't you look sweet. Hey, what is this, Costco? Get in. What do you want, Chuck? Oh, I got a little business with your friend McCormick. Chuck, you'd look a lot better with eyeliner. Hey, no fights, fellas. Sure, Willard. You look like the Beat It video. Cute. You want to dance about it? Oh, hey. Quit flirting with him. I promise Rusty no fights tonight, okay? Oh. Quick, somebody get that chick that likes to get hit. Oh, come on. I'll dance you off. Hey, it's Mr. Dancer. Whoa, is that kind of like... Never mind. Yes. Oh. A key, y'all. Put your hands up. Put your hands in the air like you just don't care. Oh, Johnny Fairplay. Oh, pirouette on your ass. Dance, dance, dance. This is the worst fight ever. Jazz hands him right in the face. Slapped you. He thought he was the chick.
Sometimes you just got to do what you got to do before you dance. That scene would have been much better if that chick got hit by everyone. She just kept blocking all the punches on accident. All right, Cinderella, let's go back. Was that Ty Dennington? He wasn't drunk, son, though. Yeah, 80s. Uh-oh. No, no, no. No, no, no. Shut up. There's Waldo. Oh. Oh. Here we go. Slap. High kick to the nose. Just watch. Is that what he said? Baby Ruth. Yeah. You think he got glitter in his eye? Well, that dude's going to make out with him. Right? Let's all put on glitter. Let's all tie off. Welcome to the world of AIDS. AIDS.
Everybody in this pond has AIDS. AIDS. And Hep C. How does that Hep C taste? Hep C taste is so wicked good you got AIDS. Trying to pinch his cord like a hose. It's not stopping him there. Okay, Rob, thank you. These guys got AIDS from the city. Shut up. All right. I thought I knew the lyrics. Whoa. That's how they got the AIDS. Public restroom. Oh, my God. You can get it from a toilet seat. Yeah, we know what this one's all about. Are you having a killer time? Dude.
Oh, wow. This is the worst dance ever. Oh, poor guy. Hey, it's Jay Moore. Yeah. Whoa. The early days. That guy was considered cool. Oh, that guy was considered awesome. Yep. Is that the history of dance on YouTube? Totally. Okay. Yeah, check out my suspenders. Let's all break dance. Hey, Sean, that was like a Ukrainian dance. Hey, there you go. There you go. I love those tuxedos. Oh, no. Why is there not one black guy at the dance? Not one black guy at the dance. Do you think Sean Penn disowned him after this? Okay. I call this one the geek. Let's watch it over again.
Oh, good. Extras. All right. Is this still Kenny Loggins? Yeah. Wren, played by Kevin Bacon. Ariel, played by Laurie Singer. You know, funny thing about this kiss. Should we ID? I don't even know what time it is. 5 to 2. It's 1.55. 1.55. Hit it. Go ahead and hit the ID.