All shows / Best Of Album - 2007 - Furry Up
Furry Up -
Track 6 - Dr. Phil Not Paying Off Bets
2007
Best Of Album - 2007 - Furry UpKIOZRock 105.3
unpaid betsLindsay Lohan relapseDr. Phil parodyinvented military storygambling debt lullabyradiocomedybetgamblinglindsay lohanrelapsedr phil
Justin wrote to Mikey about a friend who would not honor a $100 wager that Lindsay Lohan would avoid relapsing for a year, claiming they never shook on the deal. A Dr. Phil impersonator argued that paying bets reflects character, then invented a story about serving in the British Marines with a mismatched-eyed man named Ian, or Lefty. He claimed he framed Lefty as a Russian spy over another unpaid wager, even adding the impossible detail that the Russians paid in Google stock. When Mikey pushed him for useful advice, Dr. Phil instead sang a Yankee Doodle parody in which unpaid debts lead to blown-off kneecaps.
What happened, in order
The Unpaid Lohan Bet
Justin asks Mikey to shame a friend who refuses to pay a $100 bet that Lindsay Lohan would not relapse within a year.
Dr. Phil Gets Real
A Dr. Phil impersonation declares that paying gambling debts reveals a man's character before immediately wandering into a dubious war story.
The British Marines
Dr. Phil claims he once served in the British Marines, while Mikey challenges both the unit's name and why an American would have joined it.
Lefty's Morbid Wager
Dr. Phil says he beat a mismatched-eyed serviceman called Lefty in a bet over how soon he would attempt suicide.
Google Stock for the Russians
When Lefty supposedly refused to pay, Dr. Phil says he framed him for selling documents to the Russians for cash and Google stock, exposing the story as absurdly anachronistic.
The Gambling-Debt Lullaby
Pressed for actual advice, Dr. Phil turns Yankee Doodle into a childhood lullaby threatening to blow off the kneecaps of anyone who fails to pay a bet.
People mentioned
690 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Want to hear an email? Yeah. Please. Thank you. I'm going to read an email to you. I want to see what you guys think about it. It says, Dear Mikey, my friend may be the worst human being on the planet. Whoa. I really need you to call him out on the radio. He never pays off his bets. He's the type of guy who always makes a bet with you and then never pays it off. None of his friends, including myself, will ever bet with him again. The last one was, we got into an argument about a month ago when he was defending Lindsay Lohan. I said she would relapse within a year, and he bet me $100 she wouldn't. Whoops. Well, guess what? He says we never shook on it. Oh, that's the worst. That is lame. What can I do to get this guy to pay up his bets? Signed, P1 Justin. I'll tell you what you do. You take it to Dr. Phil.
I want you to get excited about your life. If you're going to talk to me, you're going to have to be honest. This is going to be a changing day in your life. Well, hey, everyone. Hey, buddy. It's me. It's Dr. Phil. That's right. I was just listening to this email, and I thought, yeah, I think I can probably help out here. Now, I'm going to tell you this. They say... that the way that a man pays off his bets has a lot to do with his character. And it's interesting because I once had a friend like this when I spent time in the British Marines. Wait. British? First of all, I don't think they have Marines. I don't think that's what they're called. And secondly, why was you an American citizen? I was in it. I'm telling you I was. I met a young man, went by the name Ian.
Ian what? It sounds like you're just making that name up as you went along. Had a blue eye and a brown eye. That's weird. And called him Lefty. And one day, we bet on how long it would take for me to attempt suicide. Why would you do that? That doesn't make any sense. He said two months. I said four weeks. I won, okay? You attempted. In four weeks, yeah. And so Lefty wouldn't pay up. And so I told our CO that he sold documents to the Russians. See? No, he didn't. And I said that he... in exchange to cash and Google stock, I said. Google stock from the Russians. When you were in the British Marines. Google didn't exist, though. And so it wasn't long before they court-martialed it. What was that guy's name again? Lefty Marines. No, no. Lefty Marines. That's really good advice. You know, it's like...
I'm getting to the advice. Okay, Dr. Phil, then get to it. Smarty Alec, I was just doing a... I was telling a story that had to do with it. Well, no, it didn't, really. It didn't make no sense. It's made up. Can you get to the advice part? You know my mother used to sing us to sleep with a sweet little lullaby all about paying off your gambling debt. How'd it go? She did. You want to hear it? Yeah. Oh, gosh. Yankee doodle went to town. What? Dr. Phil? Hang on. How did it go? Is that how your mother did it? Why are you laughing, Dr. Phil? Did someone come up and tickle you? Aren't we supposed to get real right now? Why is Dr. Phil laughing? Eddie. I don't know. Don't react to me, okay? Eddie's now hiding around the corner, so I'm like, I mean, Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil, get real, bro. I'm going to sing you the song, okay? Yes, please, Dr. Phil. Yankee Doodle went to town wearing his new ski cap. If you don't pay off your bets, I'll blow off both your kneecaps. My mom. Okay. That's interesting. Okay. Is that all you got?
Thank you. The Mikey Show.