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28 Hour Show - Movies - Part 7
28 Hour Show MoviesKIOZRock 105.3
Top Gun commentaryMaverick and Goosehomoerotic subtextmovie spoilersbarroom serenadevolleyball sceneGoose's deathfinal dogfighttopgunmaverickgooseiceman
Mike, Eddie, Sean, Rob, Ashley and the rest of the group watched Top Gun together and improvised a relentless comic commentary over its most famous scenes. Their recurring argument was that the film's macho pilots, suggestive dialogue and slow-motion volleyball are far more homoerotic than its straight romance with Charlie. B-Dub defended the movie as a favorite and supplied a beloved line, while Eddie repeatedly spoiled Goose's death and sometimes pushed the jokes far enough that the room objected. The show tracked Maverick from the opening MiG encounter through Charlie's bar pickup, Goose's fatal ejection, his crisis of confidence and the final dogfight victory.
What happened, in order
The commentary begins
Mike nails the synchronized start, and the room immediately turns Top Gun's opening credits into jokes about Don Simpson, the score and the movie's macho imagery.
Goose gets spoiled
The group casually announces that Goose dies just as B-Dub, whose favorite movie is Top Gun, joins them and recalls Hollywood's 'gutsiest move' line.
The bar serenade
As Maverick and Goose begin their famous barroom serenade to Charlie, the hosts roast the awkward pickup attempt, Kelly McGillis's sunglasses and the pilots crowding around her.
Inverted over a MiG
Maverick explains to Charlie that he flew inverted above a MiG-28, while the room keeps interrupting the technical story until Goose lands the foreign-relations punchline.
Coffee and the flyby
Maverick's forbidden tower flyby makes an officer spill his coffee, prompting a mock coffee order followed by an absurdly long chorus of 'awkward.'
Slow-motion volleyball
The hosts treat the shirtless volleyball sequence as the movie's comic centerpiece, riffing on the jeans, tiny shorts, slow motion and spectators before Maverick leaves for Charlie's house.
Countdown to Goose's death
Eddie repeatedly warns everyone that Goose is about to die, and the others try to rein him in when he pushes the joke past the room's limit.
The fatal ejection
Maverick and Goose lose control after a flameout and eject, while the room reacts to Goose's fatal impact with a chaotic run of popcorn, leprechaun, Vulcan and George Takei jokes.
The wingman-killer jab
During Maverick's grief, a bartender-style riff calls him a wingman killer, and Sean walks out as the others agree that the joke went too far.
The final dogfight
The climactic battle becomes a mash-up of Star Wars, Airplane! and golf jokes as four MiGs appear, Hollywood is hit and Maverick is called back into action.
People mentioned
MikeEddieSeanRobAshleyB-DubTom CruiseKelly McGillisMeg RyanTim RobbinsMichael IronsideTony ScottKenny Loggins
11,168 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
All right, here we go. We're on the main menu. We're about to hit play. I'm going to say one, two, three, play and hit it. Here we go. One, two, three, play. There we go. Way to go, Mike. That was really good. That was really good, man. Nailed it, Mike. Thanks, guys. Thanks, guys. This is going to be a lot of fun. A whole lot of fun. What's up, everybody? PG, but not for long. Yeah. What does that mean? Yeah, what does that mean? I think she's talking about her boots. Yeah, those are the worst. What up? My ugly. You look so ugly. That's like the old Paramount insignia. Yeah, man. You're ugly. I really love the Dolby. Dude, the score on this? Yeah. Oh, man. Don Simpson. That's when Simpson was still around, bro. Before he blew his nose out. Oh, my. Blew his nose out. True. True story, bro. Yeah.
He didn't like doing coke. He liked the way it smelled. Yeah, a little bugger sugar. On March 3rd, 1969, the United States Navy established an elite school for one of the top 1% of its pilots. Its purpose was to teach the lost art of aerial combat and to ensure that the handful of men who graduated were the best fighter pilots in the world. They succeeded. Today, the Navy calls it fighter weapons school. The Flyers call it gay. I think the idea here, Tony Scott was like, let's just get lots of man butt and do it in slow motion. Here comes a penis into the screen. First one. Oh, no, that's a plane. That's a plane, Ashley. What? That's a plane. What? Very tough. Oh, good. I was concerned. Wasn't he with Mel Gibson in the Lethal Weapon movies? Tim Robbins? Tim Robbins? He's an Academy Award winner.
What's he doing in this? Oh, we're probably good. It was more of a James Tolkien vehicle. Yeah. Marjorie Simpkin. She casts all the gay movies. Right into the microphone, Sean. Right into the microphone. Sean, you got the mic right in front of you for talking it. Sean, you're going to have to put that right up to your... Yeah, Sean. We can't hear you, Sean. Pretend it's a bamboo shoot, buddy. Oh! There it is! Hey, hey, I called the truce. One point, Rob. Wow. Little known fact, this was in San Diego, guys. No. I think we got that in. Never heard that. Little known fact. Little known in San Diego. Yeah, never heard that. Did you guys know that back there? Apparently it's always nighttime in the Pacific. Yep. Everything's very phallic. You'll notice that, seriously. Phallic? That guy's wearing a helmet. He has a...
Penis. Oh, wait. Oh, wait, wait, wait. That didn't work. No. What's a bigger flame, that or Tom Cruise? Hey. Hey-o. Now we're getting going. We need somebody really hard and strong for this movie. How about Kenny Loggins? What, was Elton John too busy? Yeah. Everything is symbolism. A bunch of guys carrying their hoses. Yeah. Oh, my God. Hello. I'm telling you, man, wait till you watch this. Inappropriate. Whoa. Hey. Whoa! What was that guy directing that missile to? Guys, right off the coast in San Diego. I'm telling you, these guys got... Little known facts. Everybody knows that. I like these fun facts. I got a lot of... I bet you do. Do they all pertain to San Diego? Just little known facts about San Diego in this movie.
I think this movie was, like, real good for the Navy and recruitment and all that stuff, right? Oh, for sure. Oh, dude. It shot up 57% that year. I love fake sex. I love fake sex. And for gay guys. Yes. Every gay guy in the country wanted to join. They're like, oh, my God, that's what they look like? I want to be a fighter pilot. All aboard. By the way, did you guys hear about the gay whale? Hey, wait, you said that was San Diego, you liar. Indian Ocean, Eddie. It's right off the coast, guys. What are you, Ashley? Wow. That wasn't even that good, Rob. You got that. Can I take your order? Those were some gay aviator glasses. Hey, it's Hank Bauer. Hank Bauer. That doesn't look like Hank Bauer. That is awesome. Nice. Good call. What a cameo for that guy. What country is that? That was the Death Star. I think so. Tie Fighters. Come on, Josh. Yeah, you think he went from this to those Pat and Oscars commercials? Wow. Check out those sunglasses when they come back. There he is. Comic relief. I love that guy. Cougar, you hear that? Roger.
Marlon, you got him? Roger, I've got radar. I got a lock on a game mustache. Over. Roger, I'll clean him and fry him. I wonder how he flies wearing roller skates. I've got him inbound. Boat heading 270. Okay, I have to pee. Are you kidding? Well, that wasn't necessary. I gotta go. You just started the movie. I gotta go, guys. Sorry. Ashley's already taking a potty break. It just started. Three minutes in. A nice purple helmet. Hey, Merlin. I've heard that before. Oh, dude. Think about it. Goose, what is on your upper lip? It's called a gay mustache. I think you've heard of it. That looks like something chocolatey.
What, Eddie, I don't get it. What's with a star? Like, is this another country? What's going on? Well, duh, dude, those are the mix. Is it dogfighting? Is this real? What's going on? Yeah, this is serious trouble right here. Holy shit, there's two of them. It's coming up on his rear. Oh, my gosh. Two of them. What the hell are they doing here? What's the position? What part of the country is that? What part of the country is he from? Like, what is that accent? You've got big one. I'm going after big two. I lost him in the sun. I'll take the cuter one. Pew, pew, pew, pew. Yeah, they don't actually have rocket. No, they pretend to shoot. They just go pew, pew, pew. Gotcha. Hey, I got you. No, I got you. Don't tase me, bro. What's the range now? 200 miles, sir. They break 150 miles. Why is he sweating so much? They break 150 miles. Airspeed 300, go get a map.
I'm going for missile lock. No. I'll say you are. Let's see if we can scare this guy out of here. Lock up, baby. Oh, hello. Lock up, baby. He's said that before. He's going to a man. Got missile lock. I got guy lock. I got guy lock. Gator's running high. Gator's running high. This guy says that when she leaves the door open. Oh, come on. Big two, headed home. Big two, headed home. You proud of that? Wait a second. You proud of that? It's just a movie. I mean, you proud of that. God damn it, Mustang. This is Ghost Rider 1-1-7. Oh, no. It's bogey all over me. He's got missile lock on me. Do I permit you? Well, first of all, calm down. Right? Stop throwing a hissy. Yeah. And why is he talking to Nicolas Cage? Ghost Rider? Huh?
Sean, did you hear that? Nicholas Cage. I heard it. See, he was in Ghost Rider. Sean can't focus. There's a penguin outside, and he's horny. Oh, wow. Uncalled for. It's just a movie. Sean, what would be your call sign? Beaver 1 to Beaver 2. Beaver 1 to Beaver 2. That's ridiculous. It's Panda 1. I thought you called a truce. Panda 1 to Panda Express. Panda 1 to Panda Express. Come in, Panda Express. I'll have the spicy chicken. Orange chicken. I'll take some young guy. Hello. Let me get a better look. I'll take egg foo you. Fit and spin, buddy. Because everyone's got a Polaroid on their F-14. Duh. Well, for just such an occasion. Yeah, you do if you're precocious and fun. Yeah.
That's Goose. Yeah. He's such a character. Hey, guys, I hate to ruin it for you, but he dies. How dare you? How dare you? That was fantastic. I hope he lives forever. He doesn't really, does he? Well, you'll see. B-Dub! B-Dub! Sitting right in Ashley's seat. This is B-Dub's favorite movie of all time. That's awesome. B-Dub, join in. Hey, B-Dub. You're going to cry already. B-Dub, only 44 gay jokes have been made at this point. Say your line, B-Dub. Greatest line ever in a movie was in this. What is it? Ever. What is it? Hollywood looks over to Maverick and goes, gutsiest move I ever seen, man. He uses that for everything. I don't think it was that gutsy. Oh, what's going on here? I think that they're passing a stone. It hurts. Have you ever done it? Where's P1 Ryan? He knows. Yeah, Ryan knows what it's like. You know, you can turn on, like, a fan if you're going to do that. Hank Bauer was a great call, by the way. Oh, no question. That was an LOL, by the way. It looks like Brittany's flying. You have the ball, Maverick.
Okay. No, don't start that. We're not going to do this, Venus. I'll start that. What? Saying every line. Come on, Mav. We're getting low on gas. Let's land this sucker. So is Cougar like a 45-year-old woman with fake hands? Pretty much. Right? Do it, Cougar. Where are you going? What's going on? Where are you going? We've got no fuel for this. We're going after Cougar. Stop calling me Mav. Tell him to land that plane. That's an order. Hank, orders don't matter around here, Hank. He's messed up, Matt. Any of you boys seen an aircraft carrier around here? By aircraft carrier, I mean my penis. I hate Republicans. Tim Robbins. I'll explain my jokes for you guys in the back. Cliff notes. Oh, no. It's not looking good.
He's lost it. That's not even his wife. Yeah, it came with a frame. Yeah. Easy, Cougar. Walk in the park, buddy. Easy. Easy. Come on, buddy, pull up. That's what he said. You can talk to him all you want. He's not going to go out with you, Tom. Right? He's a Scientology man, seriously. Right. He's like, you should really think about it. Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's cheap. That's not looking so good. Whoa. Hello. Brittany's driving. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Doesn't San Diego look beautiful, guys? Yeah. Aw. Little no fact. What, Eddie? Ladies and gentlemen, a public service announcement from Lindsay Lohan. Oh, nice work. Oh, no. Oh, no. That was a close one. Here's Ashley's back. That was a close one. She's sitting. She's going to sit with B-Dub. She's got to share the space. Got to share the space. Share the space. It's your microphone. What's on your mind? My wife and kids, sir.
I'm a star from the day. I've never even seen him. Cougar, shouldn't this role have gone to see Thomas Owl? Who are you? I'm so scared. Can you introduce me to Josh Lohan? Yeah, we see that. Let go of it. Ashley's the best. What's going on? Hey, beat up. Take it easy. Are you guys in love or what? It was all Mike Cyphers, guys. I wouldn't go in there, guys. You farted. Thanks, Maverick. For nothing. For last night. Jerk. God, he's as small as you, Rob. Oh, really? Oh, well, accurate. Do you want me to lean down, Rob, so you can see over me? No, that's good. Mavericks, stand up, will ya? So teeny. You don't own that plan. You don't own it either. But it can't cash. All right. Oh, dub.
You lost your qualifications as section leader three times. And you're gay. By me. You're not even married to Nicole Kidman yet. What's up with Mimi Rogers? You need to be doing it better and cleaner than the other guy. Now, what is it with you? Yeah, you. What was up with that Penelope Cruz time? Dude, good call. Was that all just a ruse? Obviously. I'd like to bust your butt, but I can't. I know. Hello, hello, hello. Yeah, we got it, dude. Marauders. No way. Really? The movie? Oh, yeah, cue the music. Yeah, yeah. Come on. Yeah. Thank you. Kiss me.
Anybody tell you your head looks like a penis? Dog. Okay, whatever. Dog, dog. Dang. Ain't messing around. Hold on, pregnant pause. Hold on, guys. Tell me about the mix some other time. Gentlemen. Good luck, gentlemen. Good luck, gentlemen. Thank you, sir. B-dub. Sorry, sorry. Serious. So his comedic contribution is reciting the script. Reciting the dialogue. Yeah. Miramar, California. Firetown, USA. Where's that? Where's that? Actually, part of Mira Mesa, one of the greatest towns in San Diego ever, back in the 90s. If you're looking for some roast duck. Wow. Nothing says cooler. Hi, you're cool, yay! A lot of people just drive down the runway on their motorcycles. Yeah, totally. Oh, I wish I could do that. I feel the need, the need for man meat. The weight. Oh, that happens later. During Korea, the Navy kill ratio was 12 to 1. We shot down 12 of their jets. Michael Ironside, great actor. Great actor. Our pilots become dependent upon missiles. Oh, come on. There he is.
Boy, they're all here. Hey, that was the dude from Heroes. Was it? Yeah. Petrelli? Whoa, I didn't know he was in this movie. What did he just say? Inappropriate. You're giving him a what? I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce you to our commanding officer. It's like Seth waking up. Is everybody just doing gay stuff in that scene? Did you see that when the lights were out? Commander Mike Metcalf. Call sign Viper. Viper. That sounds dangerous. Sean, what do you think? If I get bit by him, do you have to suck out the poison? We'll make it better. Another great mustache. Mustache right, Sean? On each combat sequence, you're going to need a different challenge. Look at the fantasy going on in his head right there. Oh, look at that. Oh, yeah. You, too. So cool. You, too. He just passed him a love note. So good. Ooh, he's hot. Yeah. Do you think I'm cute? Check this box. Exactly. Oh, look at that love. Get your arm off my guy. Yeah. How much hairspray does that get? Hey, baby. Although we're not as bad men. Yeah, hard to get. You must always act as though we are.
What are you doing? This is like the gayest movie we've ever been in. Who's the best? In case some of you wonder who's the best is, they're up here on this plaque. B-dub. The best driver is real from each class has his name on it. Hey, there's that guy, Token. And they have the option. Token black guy. He's in Sundance. There he is. That's his call sign, Token. You think your name's going to be on that plaque? Ramsey. Yes, sir. It's Ramsey's White. Yeah. Come on. Come on. My bad. That was stupid. There's another one. Yes, sir. There's another one. Same guy. Pallet. Same guy. This was the first digitized movie ever. Gentlemen, this school is about combat. And gay stuff. Not no points for Batman. Dismissed. Are they about to kiss? Yeah. The plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies' room. Where's the... Oh. Where's the Indian and the cowboy, man? Look at those glasses. This movie is great. Homo erotica at its best. Oh, yeah. Finally a girl. That's a dude, Mike. Hi. They all have penises. Don't be fooled. This is what I call a target rich environment. Oh, do you? I love TJ. That's what I call overcompensating. Revolution right there.
Oh, so cool. I am Batman. You want to know who the best is? That's him, Iceman. Phil Kazanski. That's the way he flies, ice cold, no mistakes. Yeah, I remember him from Top Secret. Hey, hey, Slider. Yeah, you don't want to know how he got that name. Such a dickhead. Whose butt did you kiss to get in here, huh? Yours. At least I'd like to. So you're flying with Iceman, huh? That was water. Hey, Mother Goose, how's it going? Nobody calls me Mother Goose. Condescending. Congratulations on Top Gun. Thank you. Sorry. The movie or the... All right. He was a good man. Yeah, he still is. He still is a good man. Hey, dude. What? That's the last one. Yeah, my bad. Say, you need any help? He's what? You figured it out yet? Scientology. Butt sex. Who's the best? Who's the best pilot? I mean... Eddie, control it. I can't. Control it. I've told him, like, five times. Control it. He's got good caps on his teeth. Matt, you must have sold under a lucky star, huh? I mean, first the Meg, and then you guys slide in the Cougar spot. We didn't slide. Look, let's just get this over with and take these shirts off. Let's just play volleyball right here, guys. It's coming. Relax.
We got plenty of time for that. I don't know about you guys, but I'd really like to blow off some steam with a good game of volleyball. Let's just be honest. Iceman's hot. Whoa. Dude. That was kind of weird. Kind of a cool flat top. I don't know. What about the porn mass gesture in the back? These Coors cutters are so good. She's 19. Really refreshing. Is that gopher in the back right there from Love Boat? It totally is. Fred Gandy? On the premise. Sorry, guys. Sorry. Come on, Matt. Oh, there she is. Oh, my goodness. I don't know. Never to be seen again. Kelly McGillis. 47 years old. She's hot. Milf. She's lost. Yeah, there was not a hotter chick in the bar. Kelly McGillis. She's not lost. She's lost it, Matt. Come on. She's like every junior in high school. She's got the sunglasses on in the back. Well, it's pretty bright in that bar at night. You're right. It was bright. Here we go. Best move ever. Oh, here we go. Smooth guy. How many of you guys did this, huh? I'll take care of this. No, nobody. Oh, wow. How embarrassing. What's going on here? There are two gay guys singing to me. Look at Wolfman behind him. And once a midget. Oh, my God. So what are you doing in this gay bar?
Who's that guy in the brown? He just walked in. Every program director I've ever had. Look at Wolfman in the back. He's awesome. They really got camaraderie back in the 80s. Look, it gets a little kind of edgy right here. Uh-oh. Yes, we get it. You've got rhythm. The invention of hip-hop. I've never seen that approach. What, having a black guy sing to you? Right, puberty. I'm Charlotte Blackwood. No, you're not. How many phone butts is he on right now? No, it's my call sign. I'm a pilot. That's right, a naval aviator. Actually, we've only done this twice. Oh, how'd you do? Crashed and burned on the first one. It wasn't pretty. What was his name? I'll tell you tomorrow, but it's looking good. Okay. Hello.
Oh, you're so smooth. Let's do it. I'm older than Katie Holmes. Perry. Hi. Hi, Perry. Look at my unibrow. Can I ask you a personal question? That depends. That name tag says Long John Silver on it. I can hold my own. Great. You're holding it right now. Can I ask you a question? What's the purpose of my sweater? Hi, Perry. Hi, Dad. You need a beer to put these flames out. Speaking of flames. Real slick. Dad, I'll be right back. You're going to have to buy me a beer. I have to sit and pee. Tom Cruise is like, so do I. I wipe from the front.
Okay, Eddie. All right. All right. You don't have to wait for that one. You don't have to wait for that one. Thank you. I'll be here all night. All right, let's get over it. I weigh $1.20. We could probably fit. Let's talk makeup. I'm 5'5 with lifts. Did you see me in all the right moves? Do you notice how they do have to do everything where, like, she's kneeling and... I was a badass and outsider. Stop naming Tom Cruise movies. I can't grow facial hair. What are you doing? My friend was magnificent. I'm a surgeon. What was his name? You're gay. You couldn't have had sex with her.
Civilians are here because they are our very best source of information on enemy aircraft. What is that outfit? Did you get that hat at McDonald's? That's right. She has a Ph.D. in astrophysics, and she's also a civilian contractor. Oh, no. Here comes the irony. Wasn't this guy's dance outfit? That's right. I recognize those fishnets. Oh. Ouch. Oh, great. No, you didn't. Great. Put on these sunglasses. She won't know I'm here. Oh, I don't want to talk thrust to weight ratios. I do. However, the MiG-28 does have a problem with its inverted flight tanks. It won't do a negative G pushover. What? The latest intelligence tells us that the most it will do is one negative. Excuse me, gay guys? Can I have your attention? Huh? Okay. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Did everybody else see that? What, you guys don't wear cowboy hats around all the time? Where's the Indian and the cop? Where did you see this? Glad I left mine in the studio. That's classified. It's what? It's classified. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Lieutenant. You can Sundance, man. Oh, there's another one.
Stop with that. Why is he doing that? Oh, ma'am, it doesn't seem so in this case, now, does it? So, lieutenant, where exactly... Why don't I tell everybody how gay you are? Well, we started up on his sixth when he pulled through the clouds, and then I moved in above him. Well, if you were directly above him, how could you see him? It was the back of his head, miss. Because I was inverted. Uh-oh. No, he was, man. It was a really great move. She was inverted. You were in a 4G, inverted dive with a MiG-28. What does that mean? I would have told you that last night, but you were a bitch. Ouch. Well, it's actually about one and a half. I've got a great... And, by the way, I put Rufy's in your drink. He's talking to the guy next to him. So she's the one. What is it, Rob? Rufy Colada? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Communicating. Communicating. Keeping up foreign relations, I would say.
You know, giving him the bird. Okay, you're obviously too childish to fly. I'm sorry. I hate it when it does that. I'm sorry. Didn't you get really bald and we're on ER? Did you die? Twice? Yes, ma'am. All right, gentlemen, we have a hop to take. Oh. Our deck on this hop will be $10,000. A what to take? Hop. They're going to dress up like bunnies. Sean, your take. Sean, what's your take on the hop? Lieutenant. Uh-oh. Hey, well, don't be late again. You look great, honey. Thanks, dear. Oh. How true was that? That was an actor. Would it have made any difference? Not in the ladies' room, no. What would have? I'm an instructor at this school. I see 20 new... Let's go black to my place and listen to Tiffany albums. I think we're in the...
Hang on, I've got to check that guy's ass out. Nice scarf. Okay, go ahead. What? Hold on. Let me look. Hey, one more. Okay. I'm out of here. Why are your eyebrows so dark? Can you introduce me to Iceman? I'm doing origami. Here comes the sexual tension. Covering cougar while you were showboating with this mic. Oh. You have a very handsome neck. Uh-huh. Gentlemen, this is your first time. What is your breath smell like goose? Oh, okay. Just like the enemy Migs. No, Eddie, sit down. Sit down. Don't do it. Sit down. Don't do it. Show me what you got, kid. Did his helmet say goose? Oh, I think he said goose. The mountains of Imperial Valley, everybody. All right. Okay. Little known fact. Yeah. This movie was shot here in San Diego. Wow.
It's impressive. I don't know if anybody hears that or not. He's still back there. He's closing in on us. He's closing fast. You can run, kid, but you can't hide. No. You can run, kid, but you can't hide. George Takai, everyone. George Takai? Yes, I'm in the MiG behind you. That's weird. Sulu is a pilot. Yes, I have a clear lock on you now. Who's your co-pilot, George? My co-pilot is... The Charmin bear? I still got him. No. That's who I envisioned to be your co-pilot. Sean, I always found it ironic that Sulu drove the Enterprise and he was Asian. Think about it. About an hour later, I wanted to fly it again. No. It's a double whammy. Okay, you're mine. You're mine. Okay. Speaking of Mira Mesa. We always hit the brakes. Whoa. Hello.
He had a P1 bumper sticker on that thing. It's really kicking the afterburner thing, guys. They tried a lot. I really love that music, by the way. That's what he said. They had to test a lot of playing sound effects before they got that one. Let's listen to some of the other effects they tried. You're mine. Yes, sir. Okay, not that one. What's up with the list? You don't have to read it exactly like it's written in the script. Get your butts on the hard deck. You know it. Don't do it. You're going to get in trouble. The pattern is full.
Let me just get some coffee here. Let's see. I had a little decaf earlier, so I'll go for the regular now. I'm a VIP. Watch out. No, you didn't. I just had this dry cleaned. You never have a second cup at home. We're really busted now. Okay. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward
No. Every time you go up in the air, you're unsafe. I don't like you because you're dangerous. Oh, wow. Oh, wow, that was scary. Choppers, choppers. I wish that was your penis. If I were seven inches taller, I'd fight you. Listen, Midge. No points for second place. You just get naked already. Right? You guys, aren't you hot? Let's hope of the guy brushing his teeth on the bench. Yeah. Look at this guy. All right. Save that clip. Oh, bad luck with coffee. I want some butts. Was that run through? Well, that's a reason to have to shower again, eh, guys? Everybody in. Gentlemen.
Oh. Grab the soap. Look at how tiny he is. Tom Cruise, too. How did you ever become a leading man? Why? Wasn't he in that Kiss tribute band? What is it called, Kai? Rob's mini kiss. Oh, wow. I'm just saying. Game on. All right. Ham gun. You took it. Right. Then you broke another one with that circus stunt flyby. Keep standing like that, sir. Oh. Top gun rules of engagement exist for your safety and for that of your team. They are not flexible, nor am I. That's for real. Oh, weird. Yeah, but I can drop a cherry in a shot glass. I can tie the stem into a knot in my mouth. There's something flittering on the upper right-hand corner of the screen, sir. That's my rubber dildo. Too far, Eddie. Wow. Holy Talia. That was for you, Sarissa. That was for Sarissa. Why Sarissa?
Does she enjoy those jokes? She laughed at him. Is Rob going to make a joke this half hour? Flies by the seat of his pants, lives by the seat of his pants. Man, do I love the seat of his pants. Why do you guys call me Jester? Play with his old man. Shut up. Let's get back to the seat of his pants. Tell me one thing. He was gay. You had to go into battle. Would you want him with him? Seat of his pants, sir. All right. If I was in a battle at Hillcrest, I would. I'm going to give the V over there. Oh, my God. Stop it. Get real. I'm glad you're in the robe. Oh, I've been waiting for you. Looks like you've won the battle of the mustache. I've been sniffing glue all night. I'm ready. I want some man meat. I've got to be straight with you, man. Want some man meat? Right now, I just hope we graduate.
And make love. You have a great mustache. I got a family to think about. I can't afford to blow this. Hey. A family movie. But you, on the other hand. When it comes to where she became a surgeon and died in that show. Man, I know it's tough for you. I wouldn't let you in the academy because you're Duke Mitchell's kid. Being gay and all. Don't ask, don't go. One eyebrow. It's pretty rough. Let's be nervous. Plus, you're queer. A mouth too small for your face. I know. I get it. Shouldn't you be jumping on that couch? I'm not going to let you promise. As a reference to Oprah, guys. We got it. We got it, Eddie. It just wasn't that good, but we got it. 2006. Do anybody remember that? You're being so glib right now. Stop it. Sorry. Get out of here. Okay. I changed my mind. Come back. Yeah. Hands down.
I like the Asian midget porn. Look at those. It is hot in here. Can the Navy not afford AC? Right? Like, seriously. I remember the summer, guys. It was hot. I could immediately go to guns on them. Yeah, but if it's speed, it's too fast. I wish her lipstick was more red. Too aggressive. Well, you are 4'2". Yeah, I guess when I see something, I go right after it. Hey, overcompensating. You didn't tell me who you were the other night. You didn't give me a chance? Must be aggressive. Bring your brother in here. Why are you... She's writing down, you're gay, dude. He's like, why are you blonde and your eyebrows are so dark? You're always playing with that thing. I can see it's dangerous.
What happened to your voice? It takes a lot more than just fancy flying. It takes a straight guy. Nice old Pepsi bottles. Oh, dinner tonight, 530 Sharp, 100 Laurel Drive. Where? Classified, Mike. Classified. Right up his butt. Duh. Look at that thing. Mwah. Mwah, mwah, mwah. Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. I got you there. Good Sundance. Here we go. Let's get it. You can put it on the board. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like Tom Cruise could ever spike a ball. How high is that net? Give me a break.
Oh, my gosh. Who doesn't play volleyball in their jeans? Duh. Wow, do I have a chubby. Oh. Yuck. Let me check the time on my gay watch. Oh, there it is. Ooh. Time to get turned on. I mean, who's watching this? Oh, look at this. Hey, buddy. How are you? How are you? That's a great pose. Love that pose. Like, look at the gay boys in the background watching. Oh, they save. Oh, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, right. Nice outfit, Goose. I wish I could play volleyball in slow motion. My first person of four points takes off their boxers. Yeah. And the butt. You guys wearing no pants behind them, by the way. Give it to you on the bench. No pants. No pants. Yeah. Is that Richard Simmons on the bench? Right. Duh. All guys watching him, by the way. Yeah. Hey, nice shorts, bro. No, we can't. We got it. I got some things you got to take care of. Oh, classified. Just one more game. Please? It's 85. I'm going to put my jacket on. All right. Yeah. For me? Yeah. This isn't a rule. Little known fact, Eddie? I'm driving out to Ramona. Good apple pie. Groom.
Where's that, D-Dub? It's Coronado. Oh. Julie and John Robinson live in that house these days. What? Fix that. Hi, do you have a bathroom? I got to rub one out. I was just playing great volleyball. Is this even the right house? Where the hell am I? Is there a dude that lives here? She's in there freebasing. You fooled me. You said your name was Charlie. No singing? It was good. It was quality. It's like over their heads. No, I'm just going to chill here for a little bit. I'm glad you showed up. I cut a bunch of cheese. Let's listen to records. If you don't mind, I'm going to just take a quick shower while you're finishing up here. Who does that?
Hey, Rob. He doesn't take showers. What am I saying? Are you crazy? Rob hasn't said anything in a half an hour. Look at the bird. No, Charlie, he's a smart guy. That T-shirt size extra small. Did you get that at the baby gap? Show me the homo. Wrong movie. Sorry, guys. Holly, want a fag? Gay boy. Gay boy. Oh, my God. No, I'm not all good.
The parent's like, he's gay, okay? He's gay. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? He's a fag. Figure it out. He's drinking Chardonnay, okay? Duh. It's your first clue, okay? This guy's drinking white wine with you. It's music. Yeah. He's got to get really drunk to kiss a girl. Yeah. He's like, I'd like to sit down, but that couch is too small. Plus, who has wicker these days? Anyway. Do you have another bottle of wine? I'm almost ready to kiss you. Do you have any boons? Do you have another box of wine? Can you pull all your hair back? Can you put this fake mustache on real quick? Can I call you goose? Can you fart? Oh, my God. It's tight. That doesn't even go. It is an aphrodisiac. It is? Weird. You're so juvenile. Hang on. You're so juvenile. Coaster child for gap kids right there. Look at those guns. Wow. Impressive. It disappeared. On her? Yeah. Flawless skin. Beautiful eyes.
Super gay. My old man was a great fighter. But who the hell knows it's all classified. Any more boy juice? That's what I call short day. Boy juice. I wish I had a visor right now. I call it that and kiss a girl juice. It's magic. I have to do yucky stuff juice. I'm sorry for being direct. I gotta drop a deuce. I like men. This is gonna be complicated. Do you have any weird owl records? What? Can you just have, like, a construction worker? How about we put on some Wham? Or Debbie Gibson. I'm sorry about that camel toe I just showed you. Oh, my God. These are real Lee Dungarees. I guess in my case, it'd be Moose Knuckle.
Where the hell do you go? Tease. Oh, here we go. Looks like Ashley under the air pits. Like, Maverick, this is your fifth shower today. Little known fact, this scene was filmed after the movie and her hair was already dyed black for another movie. Really? Yep. You look like a guy right now. That's the same chick? Yeah. It looks like you. That doesn't even look like her. You're wearing that boy ball cap. Would you ever think about getting an Adam's apple? Where Adam's apple are us? Would you consider getting a guy job? I don't normally invite students to my house. Or gay guys, so this is a big step either way. I am a fruit fly. Fag hag? Any of these work? Please understand, I still have a job to do.
That's more my speed. Hello. Now this is a party. Mustache ride. He doesn't even know we were flirting. Naughty. I was at Last Samurai. Top that. I'm glad we got that straight. And I love the gap between your teeth. I was in Wisdom too, but that's not that good. Did you fart? Because I like it. What's up with the 1960 curse? Tell me how tough it is here. You know, my ass dragging like an old tired dog.
Okay. I don't think. You don't even need a line for that. All right. He's having a heart-to-heart, guys. He just made his own line. The only thing more awkward would be if Meg Ryan showed up. Yeah, right? Oh, well, there we go. There she is. Oh, my goodness. Meg Ryan showed up. Great. What if you just punched her right in the face, right when she walked up? It's not even his kid. When Harry met Harry. That's Rob's. Is that right? I didn't tell her that. Yes, he did. Yes, you do. I can't believe I slipped it. There was a secret. It's huge. Wee. Atari. I love Galaga. Atari. Look at those graphics. Atari. So awesome. Commodore 66 apps. Chris, whatever. Better to retire and save your aircraft and push a bad position. Shall I jump in here any time? You too, Token. Now, stand up for three seconds. Whoa. Look at those glasses. Whoa. Sexy. Hi, Sally, Jesse. You made a bad choice. Dumbass. Yeah, go ahead and legal. Broadcasting from the Cricket Wireless Studios. You're listening to 28 Hours of the Mikey Show. On KIOZ, San Diego. The following takes place between 11 p.m. and 12 a.m. You don't have time to think up there. If you think, you're dead. Don't get all lightheaded. It's weird.
Plus, you're just playing centipede. Great line coming, guys. Steady. Maverick makes an aggressive vertical move here, comes over the top, and he defeats the bandit with a missile shot. Yeah, he did. All over his back. Okay. Hey. Hey. No, no. Greatest line ever, thanks, Eddie. I don't care. Mine was better. Thanks, Wolfman. Now then, this is a perfect example of a textbook maneuver. That's effed up, man. This is your boy. I'm falling in love with the guy behind me. Uh-oh. He's in heels right now. Seriously. You can tell. He's walking uphill. Stilettos. Get on my... And he's still short. Rice rocket. I can't hear you through my masculinity.
I can't get through to him. I can't hear you through my overcompensation. I'm going to get my Carmagee. I'm going to get him. I love the feeling of power. Dang. Jesus Christ. I'm reckless. Let's kiss. I'll have you know that my crew and my plane come first. Well, I'm going to finish my sentence, Lieutenant. And I'm going to turn you straight. Is that right? That is right. If I had four or five bricks to stand on, I'd kiss you. And why are you wearing a jacket? It's 90 degrees. Everyone in that tax trailer would see right through me. And I just don't want anyone to know that I've fallen for you. Oh, my gosh. I don't want anyone to know I've fallen for a gay guy. It's embarrassing. Little old me. He started crying knowing he had to do it. He's like, oh, I wish I had some Chardonnay. He finishes like...
That's a man's shirt she's wearing. Made her wear it. I'm the only way he could go through with it. I'm going to call you Goose. Just shut up. It's like, hey, is there any white light around this place? Ew. It's like the first time he's ever kissed a girl. Who kisses like that? She's like, that's my nose. It's like watching a lizard. Yeah. Almost as awkward as the Ryan Seacrest Terry Hatcher kiss. Yes. He's all just turn around. Except not as straight. Anybody got a pillow? He's like, just call me Goose. Anybody got a pillow? I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed. You should be. I'll just keep sitting here. Gotta love origami. Well, you know he's gay now. He's doing origami.
Thanks, Goose. It's like, welcome to the magical world of AIDS. Oh, my God. AIDS, AIDS, AIDS. Everybody has AIDS. Yes. There it is. Way to go, Mike. That was a good one. You can put it on the board. Multiple aircraft, multiple bogeys. This is what I call splitting hairs, buddy. Splitting hairs. First place, Iceland. I can't breathe. Two points behind. And they are. 10 o'clock. I don't think they see us yet. Okay, I see them. I think they're pumping the smell of butthole in those masks. Oh, my God, dude. Holy. Oh, my God. Too far. Too far. Well, it keeps them alert. How dare you? Oh, my God. You had good night. Oh, my God. He's probably saying, holy shit, it's Maverick and Goose. Yeah, I'm sure he's saying that.
Speaking of Goose, thanks for last night. I've got my eye in the northern bogey. He's like... Lost all the buttholes. It's like blue velvet. Save some for me. I'm down to one canister. Oh, now we've got to go refill the butthole canisters. You butthole hog. This is a great flavor. This is Asian starfish. There it is. They just released. It's not really exhaust. Full release. So you had the chili last night, huh? This is a big one, Goose.
The big one. I bet you like the big one, don't you? Call sign should be caca. Come on, man. No, missile selects. Be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be. Yeah. You play hard to get. Whispering sweet nothings to me, or what? Too close for missiles, ghost. I'm switching to guns. Are you kidding? Come on, come on, come on. I'm switching to my undershorts canisters. I think gay guys just watch this movie with no picture. They just listen to it. You're out of there, kid. Your sons are dead because they were stupid. Gay guys are watching this movie like, God, these guys are gay. Okay, knock it out, gentlemen. Let's go home. Let's go back to the club. Okay.
How many times? Now you're talking. What is going on? It's gratuitous. The part where you got killed. You never, never leave your wingman. Shouldn't you be in a towel? Call sign full frontal. Why are we in the lobby? Right? Is there a bulletin board right there? It's your attitude. It's your mole. Oh, that's my to pose. Right now you're worsening. And by the way. It's the bang mark on your back. Man, that is sexy. What he said. I'm trying to concentrate. Shut up. I'm trying to hide my boner. Just keep sitting there for a few more minutes. Talk about dead puppies or something. Have a bandit day.
Bayonets and hand grenades. Bayonets and hand grenades. Bayonets and hand grenades. I thought I rub one out and I thought they were gone. September 65th. Forget that day. It's the day I found out I like to wear dresses. I still do. I remember my buddy Rick on my dad's shoulders. Boy, he looked handsome. I look handsome. He looked handsome. Oh, yeah. Another gay bar. Here we go. Say that again. Somebody save that kid. Yeah, where's Chris Hansen? He's a little adult. Punch her in the face, Maverick. Punch her in the face. What are you doing? Sexy 6969. I want to blank you in the blank. Laugh out loud. Sean, what's the hee hee one? Church and you.
I could do this all night long, hee-hee. What is it? Good to be true, hee-hee. Call CPS on them. Right? Creepy. You know, I've known Pete for a lot of years now. Never known him to be straight. Why? Because unless you are a fool. Or a boy. These queers $3 bill. 100%. No. He's not really playing piano. Even with women, it's so gay. Yeah. What, you mean with the two guys walking out together in the background? Nice headlight. I'm usually in the back. This is the star of India. Maverick. Stud. Take me to bed or lose me forever.
It's not your line. Yeah, right. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. It's like kissing your brother. No, that would be different. You would know. Kick it, Kenny. Where's Messina? Come on, house up, Blue Corner. What? Gives it a whole new meaning, doesn't it? It's T-O-O. Well, it's bottom of the ninth. The score is tied. It's time for the big one. We've been thinking that all night. This is where Goose dies, everybody. Eddie. Eddie. Heads up. Wait a second. Eddie. Heads up. Eddie. Hey. And surprisingly, not from HIV. What? Wow. Okay, Eddie.
No. Sit down. Sit down. No applause for that. We're just having a good time. Just having fun. It's going to end badly. That son of a bitch cut me off. Oh, no, he didn't. Fly rage. He's going to get caught in his jizz wash or something like that. Okay, Eddie, Eddie. It's technical. It's technical. I don't know. I can't get the angle. I'm too close for missiles. I can't get the angle. Is that blunder up in that plane? Unnecessary. I'm sorry, Rick. It's not even on the show anymore. Jesus Christ. I can take a shot right here. I need another 20 seconds, then I've got him. My BH canister's almost out. I'm moving in here. I've got the shot. Come on, man. Come on, take the shot. Ten more seconds, then I've got him. Five more seconds of BH.
I'm off. I'm in. Loser. I'm out. This is over Claremont. That's not my choice then. Shit, we got a flame out, Mav. Engine 1 is out. Flame out. I'll say. I'm losing control, I'm losing control. I can't, I can't control it. We won't recover. Shit. Take her it out, dude. Right? Big shot, you dummy. Ooh, popcorn. Oh! Good night now. That ain't cool. That hurts. Hope he's okay. That is the strangest popcorn. It's like sardine-flavored popcorn. Oh, yummy. He's bleeding green. Right? Is he a leprechaun? Oh, a Vulcan. Oh, good call, Sean. Actually, no. Oh, no, George. Get out of here, Takai.
Not supposed to pee in the pool, guys. Out of the water. Come on. You're going to need a bigger boat. No more gay sex. Just one more cuddle. What? He's dead, dude. We're spooning. Got to let him go? They're going to let him float in the ocean? Like, just die out there? No, they're taking him. Yeah, Mike. I thought he said let him go. Yeah, he was holding on to him. Hey, don't let go of your buddy. Huh? Oh, there they go. They're pulling them up. He looks okay, right? No, he's okay. He looks good. Do you have to use a hook? Hey, look at us. Just a flesh wound. Colgate shaving cream? Oh, no. Is that a Hershey Highway? Wow. That looks so good. Okay, Sean. Yeah. I'm going to get behind you right now. I don't need a BH canister when he's around. Let's play Where is Thumpkin?
Those underwear look like a nicotine test. Oh, okay. Just refilling the canisters. Ten men. Michael! But there will be others. Well, I just shaved for the first time in seven weeks. You can count on it. And not my face. You gotta let him go. Sir, this is a underwear-only zone. I'm glad I grabbed your pack. Titties, mister. Back drug. I'm sorry, I didn't hear that back rub. Can you say it one more time? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I think maybe it was my fault. Duh. It was your fault. It completely was your fault. You idiot. Yeah. You know, part of the problem is you're blind. She gets a ticket parking the other way. I'd like to help. You don't be a guy. Let me just get into the trunk. You know, the hood.
This is a Hillcrest. Where'd you take me? Where's my gag ball? Smell you later, all right? Again, high heels. Again, butt shot of a dude. Oscar clip. Thanks for killing my husband, a-hole. His underwear is in this envelope. Can I have this? Wow, that really shows the height differential. Oh, boy. It's embarrassing. That was taken at the gay pride parade. They originally both had afro wigs on for that picture. Rainbow wigs. Rainbow afro wigs. If it's any consolation, he wasn't that cool. You'll make bigger movies than this. That's the best dancer I ever met.
They gave the best reach around. Okay. Oh, my. That wasn't me. Surprisingly. We were roommates. Who gave you a mic? You did. Kids like, can we get a goldfish now? No, Maverick will kill it. Try not to kill any husbands on your way to the parking lot. You hated it. Are you talking about your hair? Hold it together, bro. It's your Oscar moment. This is almost as funny as Magnolia. Good point, Mike. Again, fans. Noisy. Oh, jet wash.
Lieutenant Mitchell's record will be clear to this incident. You're court-martialed for the shape of your nose. Mm-hmm. Things are closed. Yeah, play that keyboard. Oh. I want to hold that. Isn't this the Axel Foley theme? I think so. Axel F. B-H canister. Activate. I am your father. Let's try this again, eh? Come on, kid. All right, you got to bogey it. Two o'clock low, Maverick. You got the angle. Piece of cake now. Token, you take it low. Maverick, you on this? Good time, Maverick. Provision problems. Contact John Kaunaki at 877-AXIS-I. Look, just because you're used to drive-bys. That's Miramar, California, guys. Miramar, California. That's crazy. Don Cheadle as Pilot 2.
We could have had him, man. How dare you? I'm standing on a box. You got that? Vereen as pilot four. You can't get back in the saddle. Won't engage. Engage. You know, he just might not make it back. I think it's a problem with his yaw. What do you think of my 501s? They're button fly. Don't. God, that hair is so hot. I'm sorry about Goose. But you're still a faggot. Oh, hey. Accurate. Just didn't go so well. Oh, that stunk. Let's try again. I have no pants on. Yeah. That creepy guy. Anybody got any Kleenex? What happened? What happened? The Maverick just quit. They were just having fun.
Isn't that Chili's in Lindbergh Field? Nope. Is this the Regal Beagle? I almost get lost here. Really? Regal Beagle? The Regal Beagle, right? Really? You can't get away with that. See, I have the dress here. Excuse me. MapQuest doesn't exist yet. Tiffany Marijuana. Semen on the rocks for the lady. I'll take a double. There it is. There's Rob. Boston Rob, ladies and gentlemen. It's only been an hour. He's good for one good line. Yeah. Get me up in a little bit. I'll be here half the night. Congratulations. I wasn't going to leave without saying goodbye. You're good. You should be in one movie. Where are you going? Where do you think? Lips.
Listen, I've seen all the evidence, and it's not your responsibility. It all points to gay. You're one of the best pilots in the Navy. But one of the worst kissers. You've got to go on. Practice on your hand. Something. Anything. Dog? I first met you. Oh. Hey, Mike. Hey, Mike. Did you hear it? I thought that's what we were just talking about. We're just practicing. Mike, any opportunity. We're practicing. She's unbelievable. What are you talking about? Weird. There's people here, Skye. What's up? Over. Is he going to cry? My best pilot, I mean. Where is Zep? Is Zep here? Take a nap. Are you going to cry? Are you going to cry? Are you going to cry? I'm here to help. I'm just cutting onions. Thank you. If I wanted help, really.
I would have asked for it. Okay. Yeah, I can mock your voice. Get out of here, you nut penis. Bartender, another diet sprite. You're not talking. I'm going to take off my gloves and slap you. I understand you're pretty good at killing your wingman. Wingman killer. Dude. Dude. That was not. Wow. Sean just left. Wait. Wait. Wait. That was uncool. Wait. Wait. What? It's just a movie, man. It's just a movie. Can I get you a drink? I'm here for the sewing lesson. Can I get you anything? An appletini? That was a nice unitard. Emphasis on the tard. Hey, Oates. How you been, buddy?
Good. Where you been? Emails. You hear that, Rob? What? It's our boys over here on the email. Shh. Trying to watch a movie, Mike. You're a lot like he was. That'll make you better. Better. Mustache. I can't grow one. Rub it in. Let's go down to my basement. Sweet. Doesn't help that you're 10. Yeah, you did it, right? Dateline doesn't exist yet, so... You ever play shoots and rubbers? Oh, my God. How about poops and ladders? Is that why you fly the way you do? Trying to prove something? Honey, big sale? Yeah, your old man did it. You wait till they leave. Kill them out the door. Kill them out the door. You know the rules.
How hot is it there? There's really a run on shades after this movie. They happen to live in the lighthouse. I was there. I tuned out. What are you saying? I'm here to do two things. Choose some bubble gum and hit on guys. All out of bubble gum. First, you've acquired enough points to show up tomorrow and graduate with your Top Gun class. Or you can quit. Uh, quit. No disgrace. Oh, sorry. I didn't realize it was... I choose fur collar. I didn't say that. The simple fact is you feel responsible for Goose. Nice hat. Yeah, well, get one of those cool hats. Is that necessary? We're going to promote the movie. Yeah, in the movie. Product placement. Yes. It's like cue cards for Tom. We've got to push it. Don't you want to ride this mustache? It's your option, Lieutenant. Tom Cruise jacket says eyes wide shut.
You guys get it? It's because he was in a movie later. Sorry to bother you on a Sunday, sir, but thank you very much for your time. No problem. Don't bother me Monday through Saturday either, will you? I got to get back for Desperate Housewives. Thanks for the teabag. Whoa. Holy cow. Dude, so blatant. Oh, my gosh. I mean, bull in a china shop. What's the fuzzy sky? I don't get it. What is that? Is that like a Tony Scott thing? Like the sky's all got that pretty gray fuzzy thing? That's Sean. Sean! That's not much of a ceremony. At the pool? Graduating class of 1986. All nine of you. You know what he's planning to do?
I don't know, but I'm ready to boogie. Is that the dude who does the sound effects from Police Academy? Yeah. Welcome to the mixer. They told me there'd be no chicks there. Nice lid. Steve Carell. Want to fight? Congratulations. You're tall. Congratulations. Gentlemen. I hate to break up the party before. It really gets out of hand. But we're all going to a Mamma Mia show later tonight in Vegas. Ice, slider, dope, Hollywood, Wolfman, Maverick. Corvette Diner. Hamburger Mary's. That's their new call signs. You are the shortest pilots ever. Give me a call.
New call signs. Hamburger Mary's, Corvette Diner, and University Avenue. All right, guys. Use them or lose them. Look at that stash. No, I didn't. 24 hours later, the Indian Ocean. Gentlemen, this is Bullseye. The communications ship SS Leighton has become disabled. Not Hank Bauer again. And has wandered into foreign territory. Rescue operation is to begin within the hour. This is all 5-2. Air support without rescue. Get an air conditioner, will ya? This must have been during the Clinton era. Gentlemen, this is the real thing. This is what you've been trained for. Who are they fighting? The Russians? Merlin? Yes, sir. Isn't he like a magician? You have to wear those shiny robes. Right. I love that. I want to wear a pointy hat. I'd rather sit on it. It's this big, guys. These are all baseball signs. Everybody's meeting on the Lido deck. Oh, no.
Oh, Jim. I think that one guy was asphyxating himself. I'm not kidding, Mike. You're not? No. That was creepy. Call sign Hutchins. You ever hear that story about the guy who broke his neck? Hey, hey, hey, what is that? What? You ever hear that story about the guy who broke his neck? I heard it. I heard it. We got it. No, we understand. We know what you mean. I'll tell you later, Zach. Okay, with the glasses already. Those glasses go great with those pink shorts. Mix. Who are you going to kill now, Mav? It's so hot in here. I'm going to be a fan. And this thing's not a stick shift. This butthole air is horrible.
I'm getting a heart out. Whoa. We know. Okay, Wood, I'm taking the lead. Let's identify him. Morning, Wood. Everybody into the radar room. The odds of successfully battling in the MiGs is approximately 754,000 to one. Never tell me the odds. Where'd Ryan go? We got a problem here. Now I'm breaking out four aircraft on the radar. Not one pair, two pair. Repeat, four bogeys. Wood, we've got four bogeys. And I'm not getting any cell service. There's five, sir. That's five? Yes, sir. Sounds like my golf game. Five bogeys. Get it. Get out of there, Hollywood. Get out of there, God damn it. I picked the wrong week to stop taking crystal meth. How's that hard on now? What's been hit? What's been hit? What's been hit? What's been hit? We've been hit, you idiot. Yeah, I don't think it's a big mystery what's been hit. We're dying.
First? You steal first, Mike. Isn't there anybody with a little bit more experience? Maybe just graduated. There was 28 pilots in the room. Yeah, why him? That is a pretty helmet. That's nuclear loose, red shotgun. Wow! Let's see, where's my Debbie Harry cassette? Easy ink. Oh, turn the air conditioner on. My goodness. Get that guy a slushie. Or shorts. What's a slushie? A squishy.
Both catapults are broken. We can't launch any aircraft yet, sir. Catapults? How long? What about Jessica Simpson? This thing will be over in two minutes. Get on it. Where are you from? Why don't you speak English into that thing? Break wind! Like a squeegee. How about a chamois? Is it hot in there, sir? I don't feel like it. Watch out, watch out. Uh-oh, here we go again. I heard about you, Maverick. She's like Oliver from the Brady Bunch. Total jinx. Okay, let's get in there. Come on, we've got to help us. Is he trying to get out of the cockpit? Get back and engage. Shut up, nuke. Come on. It's no good. Get in there, Maverick. It's no good.
Hey, did you guys know this was filmed in Miramar, California? A little fact. A little fact, eh? What am I doing in this movie? I'm trying to figure out how to put Maverick all in one word across the top of my helmet. I'll be right there. Good tone. I got good tone. A tone? Tone low? Great shot, kid. Don't get cocky. Thank you. 155 miles. It's so hot in here. I just want to let you guys know if you're ever in a situation like that. 1-800-777-4247 is AIS, and I'll take care of you guys, like, right away. If you're ever in a situation like that, they'll... Uh, where is Sky? Everybody's left us, as usual. I got him, Matt. One make passing between us. That's why they call you Slider.
It's a noise. Loud noises, loud noises. I think your burrito's done. Look at the guys in the back. I don't know which way's north and which way's south. What are you, sky? I keep flying in a circle. She would be lost. Which side's the tail? Easy nuke. I'm not leaving my wingman. A.K.A. Butt Buddy. Engage. Beep. Beep. It's just his wingman doing that for him. Beep. Think that guy's okay? Who was in that? Hey, guys, I can't overemphasize this enough. 1-800-777-4-A-I-S. Stop it. If your F-14 ever explodes on you over the Pacific Ocean. That bogey's still behind you. I'm maneuvering for a shot.
I can't get a tone. Waitress. If he can't get a tone, does that mean he's tone deaf? Mm-hmm. Looks like I picked the wrong way to stop speedballing. Oh, you idiot. You didn't have tone. His ass just blew up half of Claremont. Thank you, Pete. Oh, yeah. Finally. Brian Wilson, ladies and gentlemen. Bluey. More guys. We've got a problem here. We've only got one missile left. Approaching 110 miles, sir. God damn it. I got him. I got him. He's right on us. He's between our tails. I thought you guys like people on your tails. What are you holding on to? That's my belt buckle. It's like he's in a jumper. Is that your crib? You're going to do what? This isn't a Nova.
Oh, like that would work. I'm going to see the Roadrunner. Splash 4. I didn't even like Splash. Daryl Hannah? Yeah, there was a Splash 4. Get bugged out, man. Red Sox win. Red Sox win. Oh, yeah. Nice job, Hank. Let's see. There's the girl in 4B again. Hold on. Where's the D? This is Maverick requesting flyby. Negative goes right up to pattern his bow. Oh, nice Steeler's shirt. Yeah. Youth medium sweatshirt. What's that all about? I heard there's a gay pilot flying in. Look at that. Gentlemen, every high school coach. Oh, no you didn't. He has an air butt shirt. Great movie. Three people got that. You should be embarrassed. Tell you what, guys.
After a day like that, all I could look forward to is crawling into that dream line. Sealy Postopedic Mattress from the Sleep Train. Where you can reach him right now at 1-800. Stop it. Nice effort, guys. Way to get blown up. Two minutes in. Hey, Matt, don't forget you killed Goose, okay? Don't be too happy. Man dive. He disappeared into all the tall guys. Kiss me. Open mouth kiss. Hey. You suck it. You're still dangerous. I am Batman. But I love you. But you're handsome. Bullshit. You can be mine. Oh, no. It's like Robin Zeff. Extremious cheering. Where are all the women? Don't forget you killed Goose. Where's number 20? Oh, there he was. You guys see him? Jack never let go.
It's the jewel of the ocean. He so little he heaved himself overboard. What is he, a devil ray? Not bad for a mission, huh? Where'd you put my Mach 3s? Even though the other side denies the incident. Let's talk about special teams. Where do you think you want to go? I don't know, a place where there's small guys like you everywhere? Blowing stuff in my face. Hey, Maverick, where do you want to go? We represent the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild. Where's Sean? They got its Top Gun. Where's Sky? They all left us. Where's Rob?
Oh, he's right there. Stand up. Enjoy the movie. Dancing queen. I beg to differ. He's putting on its random men. Yeah, it is. Nice hair. God, I hope that's a guy. My jacket. May I have this bone smooch? I'm going to miss this place. Filmed in downtown San Diego, guys. Kansas City Barbecue. It is. It is, Brian. Stupid. Hey, you. You still killed Goose, okay? This pig. Of all the crazy gay bars you could have walked into, and you walked into mine. I finally had the inside-out surgery. Oh. Yeah. That deserves it. That deserves it.
Yeah, take a bow. There it was. I give. Palomino. Come on, safe harbor. Seriously, nice pig. You can see all this stuff. Kansas City barbecue at the end of the gas lamp. There he is. He is. It's great. I'm not kidding. You killed goose. Don't. We're done. Is that it? Gay. Dead. That's a wrap. Gay. Gay. Gay. Super gay. Woo! Hot whip. Oh, we're probably as we probably like to whip his ugly So Maverick never said like there his name he Mitchell that was his name two hours. We just sat here. You don't know his name He's a naval aviator the whole time Look they're in love. I can go for some Kenny Loggins
Yeah. Where's Sean? Where's the panda? I say, all right, here's my idea. Eddie, tell me what you think. Should we ID? What time is it? It is 11.53. So I say we ID, do a Mikey Show bit, set up, try to find Sean and Sky. And start Footloose. And start Footloose. Yeah, that sounds good. You guys all staying for Footloose? All right, so who is... Hey, Priceman, you know where all that stuff is? Talk to Ashley and tell her to pick one. What song is this? Dude, one of the greatest. What is it? Gay as Fire? Is that what it is? That's what it is. Gay as Fire. Ramsey. Ramsey, hairstylist. Hairstylist? Holy cow. Just Ramsey. Ramsey. Oh.
Ramsey, you did the hair for this film? Tom Cruise's hair was beautiful. That's amazing. Yeah, we really feathered it well and everything. What? What, Ash? Yeah, we can hear you. No, it's too long. Never, never talked about Ron Eisemann. Should we do a nine? Yeah, ID now, then go straight into it, and we'll regroup, come back, and do Footloose.