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Boston Rob - Hands Free
Boston Rob's SongsKIOZRock 105.3
hands‑free phone legislationpersonal freedommasculinitybathroom etiquettecologne humormedia satirehandsfreelawfreedomnews splashwicked important guysex panther
The host rants about a new hands‑free phone law, calling lawmakers idiots and arguing the rule infringes personal freedom and masculinity. He mocks News Splash as a wicked tool and teases Mr. Wicked Important Guy for avoiding fines with an earpiece while joking about Sex Panther cologne. The segment closes with a self‑referential claim that the rant itself is the listener’s song. In the follow‑up bit, he notes the law is free but uncool, adds a bathroom joke about not splashing the pot when using the phone while defecating.
What happened, in order
Freedom lament
The narrator complains that a new hands‑free phone law forces him to sacrifice his freedoms and masculinity.
Lawmaker criticism
He calls the lawmakers idiots for imposing the rule.
Hands‑free phone ridicule
He says using an earpiece makes you less of a dude and look like a wicked tool.
News Splash jab
He mocks News Splash as a wicked tool.
Mr. Wicked Important Guy
He points out Mr. Wicked Important Guy chatting in a suit to avoid fines with an earpiece.
Sex Panther cologne
He jokes that the guy probably wears Sex Panther cologne.
Song claim
He declares that the rant itself is the listener’s song.
Free but uncool
He notes the law is free but says it doesn’t look cool.
Bathroom humor
He adds a joke about it being nice when going number two and warns not to splash the pot.
People mentioned
132 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
America was the home of the free Now I have to look wicked queer And put my freedoms up on the shelf The man wants me to use a hands-free phone All these idiot lawmakers got it wrong It's free! I don't like that rule I heard it makes you less of a dude. News Splash, you look like a wicked tool. Hey, check out Mr. Wicked Important Guy. Chat it up in your suit to avoid that hefty fine with your earpiece. It don't even look like you are on the phone. And I bet you wear Sex Panther cologne. And this is your song.
It's free. You don't look that cool. But it must be nice when you're going number two. Please don't splash the pot cause that is rude.