Furry Up - Track 13 - Toasting Bit

0:00I will not be toasting because I'm the best man at Eddie's wedding, so I'm gonna be giving him a toast no matter what, but somebody else will. Boston Rob is up first. Okay. Boston Rob, you may begin. Please excuse me. If I seem a little shaky, I'm no seasoned vet like Sky when it comes to making toasts. Eddie, on this momentous day... May you and the missus find yourself inebriated with joy like I once did on a chilly October Eve back in 2004 when the Red Sox won the World Series. Wow. How dare he? Wow. May this night be a magical one. Better than being the only guy to receive an invite to Scarlett Johansson's annual all-night all-female whipped cream bikini party. What? A better feeling than when Ashley first figured out the meaning of the word complex. Better than sky-flubbing a word while telling the sunburned story. And remember, you won't always be fighting sunshine and burping rainbows, but the love will keep you together. I'm happy for you, bro. You know, back when I was laying brick in Massachusetts, a wise old recording artist once told me something about love. He said, you don't need money, don't take fame.

1:17Don't need no credit card to ride this train. It's strong and it's sudden and it's cruel sometimes, but it just might save your life. That's the power of love. And I am on it on this auspicious occasion to raise my glass to you, Eddie. Great. Here, here, here. One vagine for the rest of your life. Oh, gosh. All right. Wow. I'm standing up. Very good. I love it. Okay. It's already shenanigans. If Rob was giving a toast, he wouldn't give a sky-serious, like, give me a break. Everybody's going to do their own kind of toast. That's who he is. Whatever. Who goes next? Sean Neil Big. Sean, let's hear your toast. Bring it on, Sean. Chill town. Yeah, chill town. All right. Eddie. You know, there comes a point in every man's life when he decides finally to take the plunge and get married. I like to call that day. The end. It's the end in many ways, Eddie. It's the end of fun. The end of good times. The end of experimentation in the bedroom. It's the end of freedom. The end of independence. The end of control. And the end of keeping your hands around that stuff you've got in your trousers. But, however, it's not all bad, Eddie. There are positives.

2:44As it so happens, I can't think of a single one, but there must be a Stephen Hawking-type genius somewhere in the world that can spin the concept of marriage into a positive. If anyone else here were to give you the truth, they'd say three words and then sit back down. Just three words, Eddie. Those words are run like hell. Eddie, the ball and chain is in your court. You can either lay down like a weak, parvo-stricken puppy waiting to gasp your last breath and succumb to the terminal illness we call marriage, or you can wrench your nuts back out of her hands, stand up on your own two feet, furrow your brow, lock eyes with the demon, and say, if you need me. I'll be shoving 20s into a G-string at the nearest gentleman's club. Oh, my God. Congratulations, Eddie. Again, I'm not going to clap for that. Stupid and ridiculous. It's all for you, kid. There may be people. This is a sham. Sky, there may be people that are like you, and so there may be people in the audience that think just like you. To each their own. Mine's not funny. Mine's serious.

4:04There you go. I'm glad. Finally, someone's going to win. Come on, yeah. Who's next? Me. Ashley? Yeah. Here we go. Here comes Ashley's toast to Eddie. This is my toast to my BFF Eddie Papi Papani. Wow, Eddie. And this is it. You finally found the woman of your dreams and fallen deeply in love. I'm very honored that you asked me to toast you two. And it's truly my pleasure in doing so. And since this is your special day, I thought it would be only appropriate to express my love for you and your new wife, Mama D, through song, since that is, in fact, my fortain. So here goes. Oh, great. Eddie set out on a narrow way many years ago, hoping he would find true love along a broken road. Well, he got lost a time or two. He wiped his brow, being all he could be. But he couldn't see how every sign pointed to Mama. Congratulations, BFF. I am so, so happy for you. And I love you, too, in all my heart. Cheers. Have a drink for me. Thank you. Wow. Thank you. This guy is...

5:30seething right now. Thank you. That was fantastic. That was unbelievable. It was unreal. Amazing. A whole performance. Yeah. Now, Skye, it's your turn now. Come on, Skye. This is your thing. This is your thing. Bring the house down. Bring the house down. What? I'm going to do a legitimate toast. That's right. Well, I'd like to say that I'm so proud to be here today to witness two great friends joining their lives as one. I remember right after Eddie met Debra, and he told me that he could see himself marrying this woman. Now, some people don't believe in love at first sight, but I believe this was the case with Eddie and Debra. Debra is such a special woman, and I'm so glad that her and Eddie found each other. Since I'm an Irish gal, I would like to leave you with an Irish wedding toast. Here's to health, peace, and prosperity. May the flower of love never be nipped by the frost of disappointment, nor shadow of grief fall among your family and friends. May you be poor in misfortune, rich in blessing, slow to make enemies, and quick to make friends, and may you know nothing but happiness from this day forward. Much love and congratulations to Eddie and Deborah. Cheers.

6:49Thank you. Thank you, Shin. Thank you. Shin is giving her a standing ovation. But the rest of you, thank you, but the rest of you aren't clapping. I clapped. I definitely clapped. I woke up and then I clapped. Oh. Sean. Mikey the Mikey Show.