Mikeython - 2010 - Part 17
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Thursday December 16 & Friday December 17, 2010
THE MIKEYTHON takes the airwaves for twenty-eight straight hours! No recap is available as the entire epic event can be downloaded from various sources, mainly at www.mikeyshow.com. This concludes the weekly recap for the Mikey Show for 2010 since day one back in February. Every show, every day they were on the air live!
FM 94.9KBZTMikeython - 2010 - FM 94.9
Dirty Dancing watch alonglive broadcast chaosmovie commentarydance and romancePenny's pregnancyfailed mambo liftdirty dancingwatchalongradiocomedymikeypatrick swayze
Mikey, Jay, Woods and the rest of the studio attempted a live Dirty Dancing DVD watch-along, but their countdown failed and a later disc malfunction forced everyone to resynchronize through scene select. They relentlessly roasted Patrick Swayze's dancing, Baby's clothes and the movie's 1960s setting, while debating why women love the film and whether a movie built around dancing has enough plot. Baby carrying a watermelon, Penny's pregnancy, Robbie's refusal to help and Johnny's increasingly intimate dance lessons generated the longest riffs, especially the recurring joke that Penny needed quaaludes. The group finally understood the stakes of Johnny's hotel gig and watched Baby botch the climactic lift they had practiced in the lake.
What happened, in order
The Botched Watch-Along
Jay and the crowded studio twice try to synchronize listeners' Dirty Dancing DVDs, only for the first countdown to fail amid warnings about cables, microphones and blocked equipment.
Opening-Credits Roast
Once the movie finally plays, Mikey, Woods and the others immediately talk over the credits with jokes about Patrick Swayze, Jerry Orbach, 1980s slow motion and the cramped studio.
Why Women Love the Dancing
The hosts marvel at Johnny's dancing, compare it to showing off in baseball and argue that women repeatedly watch the movie for Patrick Swayze's seductive routines.
Watermelon Underground
Baby's famous watermelon entrance becomes an extended riff about a secret dance club where nobody uses drugs and everyone supposedly snorts watermelons and drinks Diet Coke.
The Disc Derails
The DVD suddenly freezes or jumps, leaving Jay blamed for the mishap while the crew scrambles through scene select to get home viewers synchronized again.
The Quaaludes Run
Penny's pregnancy crisis is misread as withdrawal and turned into a frantic studio-wide search for 'ludes' before the hosts finally recognize what is actually wrong.
Robbie and The Fountainhead
Robbie refuses to help the pregnant Penny, insults her and hands Baby The Fountainhead, prompting the hosts to mock his cruelty and Baby's attempt to intimidate him.
Abortion and Bagel Shirts
The crew abruptly realizes the money is for an abortion, then pivots into mocking a patterned shirt as Johnny begins teaching the inexperienced Baby to dance.
The Gig and the Forest Road
After sorting out that Johnny needs Baby ready for a crucial hotel dance gig, the hosts joke that her secluded training trip would be alarming with anyone except Patrick Swayze.
The Lift Falls Apart
Baby loses her nerve during the mambo performance and botches the lift, leading the room to narrate Johnny's imagined fury and compare the failure to Mikey winging a routine.
People mentioned
MikeyJayWoodsLaurenSiennaRebeccaPatrick SwayzeJerry OrbachBabyJohnny CastlePennyRobbie
6,472 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Okay. Alright, so we'll get Lauren in here in a minute. Uh, Jay is here, and Woods is walking his wife to her car. In the meantime, how's everyone doing? How you doing? Everybody doing good? Everybody ready to watch Dirty Dancing? I'm doing good. I'm actually, I have not hit a wall yet. I'm still doing good. We have to share the space, Ella B. What? Am I that... Mexican and just greasy. No, we're all going to be on top of each other. Oh, come on. We're all family. We're going to get hot and foster. Okay, well then go over. Go right there and you'll separate. Where did the image go that was on the screen? Or go on the far end. Go to the far east and I'll be on the far west. Unfortunately, Sienna is going to have to leave us. Sienna is going to. All right. Sienna has to go home, tend to the baby, and she's got a pump. It's going to be one minute here. I'll tell you what. There appears to be a thing unplugged back here. Oh, okay. Yeah. Just the power. Somebody stepped on the power cord to the projector. And I also want people to know that if they are at home,
and they have dirty dancing in their DVD player, I will say one, two, three, play. And at that point, you will press play on your DVD player, and we will be watching the same thing together. It's pretty easy. What happens is somebody stepped on the power cord, so the unit's having to reset itself. So it's got to cool down for a moment. So we want to make sure. That's that. Yes. I'm going to always say that. Somebody asked me. Should we play a short best of until we're ready to go? You just want to vamp for him? I mean, I think it's going to come right back on. Yeah. Yeah, if we're very close. I feel like we're very, very close. Okay. Because it's been on this whole time. Oh, there we go. Now here we go. Is Wood still going to take it to the house? Yeah, he went to walk Jamie to her car. Oh, okay. He's a gentleman. And he's a gentleman that's taking an exceptionally long time. Yeah. So. Well, he said. He said she was going to get it.
A gentleman and a lingerer. So, bye. See you. I don't. I don't. You'll be back in like an hour, right? All right. Okay, I'm going to re-align this. Score's found. What are we listening to? The menu? This is the menu. Okay. Here we go. All right. Yeah, let's just start it. And we'll hear him go, you ever just started? Okay, you got to tell me when you're, you know, give me the cue so I can go one, two, three, play for listeners that have Dirty Dancing in their DVD player. If you're ready, I'm going to say one, two, three, play. And you hit play at that moment. Are you ready, Jay? So where I have it right now is I have it on the play button on the menu. Okay. So I'm going to turn this light off. Okay. Are we ready?
All right, one. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Okay, you're screaming right in my head. Okay, here we go. One, two, three, play. And nothing's happening. Okay, hold on. Wait, wait, wait, sorry. Bodies are blocking. Wait, wait, don't do anything. Now we've got to have everybody. Come on, Woods, come sit down. This happens every year. Don't hit the wires on the back of that unit. He's in there helping me. Here. Here's your mic. I can't. Get over there and snuggle up on the mic. But be careful, don't knock the wires out. Oh, wow. There's even some of that action. I hope I don't have to fart. You're going to scoot over if I'm going to get in there too, Wood. Everybody needs to get Dirty Dancing back in their DVD player and ready to play again. All right, you ready? Well, yes. Tell me when you're ready. We should grab 15 minutes of shut-eye. So we're fresh. Here we go. All right, here we go. One, two, three, play.
All right, that worked. Oh, I've got hungry eyes. Here we go. I'm comfortable already. Do my feet stink, Rebecca? I'll text you later. Oh, good. It is a Vestron Pictures. What are you doing? I'm sitting down. What are you doing? Why would you sit by Mikey? Because you want Mikey to sit next to you. You get off my mic. You get off my mic. What a fart on you. Hey, look. Not again. That's a movie star. Wow, that giant butt. Isn't that a, don't they use this in one of Scorsese's movies? Yep, Goodfellas. That's right. Kind of like being back in the box. Apparently, Dirty Dancing was shot in slow motion. It was everything in the 80s. It had to be sort of the neon. Did you see that? Jerry Orbach. Turn down that a little bit. Yeah, we're on the air. So is this, is the first half of the movie just sort of slow motion colligula? Or how does it work? Choreography by Ortega. Hey, it's Chris. And he brought... Whoa, our summer romances are in full bloom. And everybody, but everybody's in love.
Sounds like the morning DJ currently here at FM 94.9. So this movie took place back in like the 60s or something? When everybody called me baby and it didn't occur to me to mind. You know what did occur to her? A permanent. And rolled up jean shorts. That's right. It's like what obese Mikey used to wear to work every day. Where's Lauren hidden? Before the Beatles came, when I couldn't wait to join the Peace Corps. And I thought I'd never find a guy as great as my dad. Oh, my little daughter. There was something so weird about being in love with Dad, but at the same time, I couldn't help it. Dad always said I was a really good friend. Daddy says, I'm the best, Dad. That was the summer we went to Keller Music. I remember the school that I went to was also the same hotel that The Shining was filmed at. The Overlook. Yeah. I went to school at the Overlook Hotel.
It overlooked extraordinarily rich people. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. She got sideburns. I should have brought those coral shoes. Easy Elvis. But the coral shoes match that dress. Oh, long drive. How about a gin and tie? I've had four gin and ties on the way over here. Monks burning themselves in protest. Butt out, baby. Yeah, she's got a new beat. Yeah, isn't that Newman? Newman. Hello, Newman. Is that Newman? Oh, wow. He still looks like CBK. I see you're still rich, John. Nice to see you. So how's the blood pressure, Max? Is that your gay son that's still trying to look like Elvis? Now listen. He's the perfect fit for you. Right away, Doc, right away. I kept the best cabin for you and you. Come on over here, baby. Let me get your suitcase. How about some lemonade? Hey, by the way, where'd you get them Gap jean shorts? I know it's 1965 and the Gap hasn't been invented yet. Take it easy. Three weeks here, it'll feel like a year.
Not my idea of a vacation. I'll tell you that right now. Mikey. What's his hat? Identical hat. Charo's first movie. That's the blind dork dance. Everybody just get behind the first guy. Look at Mikey. First guy in line. Mikey in 10 years. Or four. Or four. Oh, get some. Welcome to the first. Oh, wow. More than likely. More than likely. Welcome to the first annual dork, Sandy Hawkins, everybody. You know what? I know you're good. Giant blue socks. Oh, grandma. Yeah, you do. It's wonderful to see you, dear. It's all downhill from here. Yes. Did you turn that volume down? I did. Kidding. Did you turn the volume down or up? Which volume?
I can't hear it very much. I can't hear it. Hey, Will. I can't hear it. Where are you going? He's going home. Good thing she's wearing fishing lures for shoes. Happy birthday, Rebecca. Yeah. That is the Overlook Hotel. It's the Overlook. Makes Jack a dull boy. Makes baby a dull boy. Makes baby a dull girl. See you, Will. There we go. I can hear it now. Show the goddamn daughters. Oh. No. All the daughters. Shlep them out to the terrace. Show them the stars. Romance them any way you want. Whoa. How you doing? How you doing? My name's not Wiseass. It's Hot Buns. No funny business. No conversations. I keep your hands off. You talking to me?
Is this a Chippendales audition? That's cool. Nice. This is Dr. and Mrs. Hasman. Baby, Lisa. Baby. Everybody calls her baby. It's a baby. Yale Medical School. Ooh. Bobby, these people are my special guests. Give them anything they want. Enjoy. Most importantly, treat them like white people. Look at all this leftover food. Are there still starving children in Europe? Try Southeast Asia, Mark. Screw you, baby.
So anything you don't finish, you wrap up. Making fun of the poor is so funny, Mr. Lawrence. What are you going to do, Missy? Elise is going to decorate it. She always does. Chicano. Chicano. My grandson, Neil, goes to the Cornell School of Hotel Management. Used to be a woman. Still in the closet. That dude's got chins like I do. That old man. That looks like fun. I'm going to major in English. No, economics of underdeveloped countries. Oh, boy. I'm going into the Peace Corps. Would you like to make love? I'm going to Mississippi with a couple of the busboys. Freedom ride. What do you think of my rhythm? Oh, sorry about that. L-O-B. Hi, I'm Lauren. This is our own Pino Swearer. Can someone introduce me to Old Man Scruthers? Oh.
We've made love a few times, yes. It's not a big deal. Nice swishy hand. Oh, my gosh. You're fired. Oh, boy. This is what white people do when I'm not around. So, it was supposed to be the 60s, right? Yes. But the haircuts are clearly 80s. Uh-oh. Whoa. Scandalous. Yeah! Oh, wow. Oh, wow. He's going to, like, booger all over her. Oh, you cannot dance that way and not look gay. Even if you're the manliest dude. Look, I mean, he looks the toughest dude in the movie, but he still looks very effeminate. Yes. Doing the cha-cha. Look. Oh. Sorry. Do girls really like dudes that can dance like that? Really? Oh, boy. Oh, wow. Oh, boy. Should be showing off at each other.
You know what they say, rhythm on the floor, rhythm out the door. Oh, wow. What's up, panties? Patrick Swayze in, the seductive gay dancer. I can't tell who's prettier, her or him. You ever just show off with your dancing real good? It's like me out there taking cuts with a bat, just throwing balls up and hitting them out of the yard. Look at that. Good lord. Chicks, like, sit around, hungover, and watch this movie, like, every Sunday. That's their bit. And they're like, oh, my God. That's my favorite part. So they get paid to dance with people, right? And I don't get it. Like, where are they? Are they at a dance vacation spot? It's a vacation spot. It's like camp dance? There's all kinds of activities, but the dancing is a hot car. That's the big stuff. What?
What just happened? Oh, they're going to saw her in half. Ow. Saw that beak off. It only hurt for a minute. You've got Blue Cross, right? The amazing Dorco. Hey, count me in half. Great. That's so awesome. Is she bunched up in that box? Here you go. Oh, wow. Dresses like her. Acts like her. So I brought her home. My father doesn't like her. Just laugh at your own jokes, Woods. Wow. Are you going to introduce Judy Collins or are you just going to stand there and peel? Breaking the rules. Oh, she's going to the staff quarters? Is she going to blast the cig? Smoke marijuana cigarette with the staff? Even crazier, she's going to carry a watermelon. Maybe they should have taken some Windex to the lens. What happened?
Sex me spit on the lens. Flash guard. Oh. Oh, wow. Hey, can I help you carry your watermelons? Nice melons. Nice melons. Can I ask you a question? Is that a watermelon in your pocket? Why do you have three watermelons right now? Why can't we hear him talking? Can you keep a secret? Not with three watermelons in your hand. Turn the speakers up and down. Hey, this is an underground dance, so keep it quiet. We don't do drugs, but we do just do watermelons. And we dance all night. We snort watermelons and we dance. It's like those Diet Coke commercials that show kids in college partying, and they're all drinking Diet Coke. This is what happens. Mikey.
If you had to dance to have intercourse with a woman, I would have never had intercourse with any women. As long as I've been like, well, great. Back to the interracial porn. I love it. Are you just going to hold those watermelons all day or are we going to dance? Why is half her face painted? Oh, it's not. This soundtrack, my mother used to play on repeat my whole life. I know every word. Explains everything. Yeah. My first job was as a watermelon girl. Watermelons. Oh, the old hat flick. That's a good move. This club is too tough. This is way too interracial for me. Yeah, I can't do this. I'm just a young Jewish girl from Long Island. Yeah, great. It smells like a gym in here. Oh, look who's here. Big man on campus. Look, it's a Chippendale guy. Oh, wow. Oh.
Look, it's a gay waiter. Do they make love? A clandestine dance hall. Oh, sorry. Why are so many people having seizures? What's his name? Johnny Castle? What? Isn't this what they did on the bottom deck of the Titanic? Yeah. These people ever heard of, like, alcohol? Or they just dance? Guys ever just use hairspray all day? Guy's got a cool Kellerman shirt on. Is it a grocery store? It's the name of the hotel. That's the name of the hotel? I don't know. I like girls. I've only been to second base. I don't know if I can do that. Where's his head? A history. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Nice on that. Thanks, I just had it stuffed. Oh, yeah. This party is sponsored by Trojans. Oh.
Do they not get tired? I'm exhausted watching it. Yeah, maybe just an hour and a half movie of dancing. Yeah, where's the plot? This was before push-up bras. Good Lord. Easy, conehead. No cuss. What's she doing here? No outsiders allowed. I said. Brilliant. What happened? I don't know. Did something happen? Did somebody sit on a remote? It looks like I... I just swear I did not touch anything. What happened? Oh, that's too bad. Oh, no. But now no one's on the same scene as we are. Yeah, everybody watching is on a different scene at home. You have to scene select. Wow. We got a scene select. Okay, everybody. Hang on. If you're at home, we need you to scene select with us. What happened? I don't know. Jay did it.
Jay hit it. Jay did it. Jasper did it. Adam did it. Is this a faulty disc? Is it frozen? That's too bad. Maybe we just put it in Crazy Heart. Let's just make fun of that. Who knows? Jay, it's 2010. You're in San Diego. All right. Yeah, don't you have to scene select so we can tell everybody at home, like, all right, press play now? If I have to watch this scene again, I'm going to slit my wrist. Yeah, we're not going to. We're not going to. We're not going to. You're going to have a train wreck? Hey, we should do a parade. And you should dress your cars up in Mike-E-thon gear. All right, scene index. Oh, we did that. Let's go to scene index. We should break a world record. Oh, I did that. Are we supposed to go count those cars right now? Oh, shoot. We should break a world record. We're going to want it 7 to 12. 7 through 12. 7 through 12. Which 7 through 12? And then the Love Man. Love Man. Let's put it on Love Man. 9. Love Man. And everybody just make love, man. That's my nickname. Well, this is good right now.
All right, we have to tell everybody at home, put it on Love Man, right? And then on three. One, two, three, play. There we go. All right. That's pretty much the same spot. That's pretty good. It's not far from where we were. Is there any more of those cookies that we just eat all day? All day. You ever just give up? Watch these boobs. Look at those boobs. Triangle. Good. Thank you. Oh, God, dude. She came with me. She's with me. We got to jump her in. He didn't just walk away mad. He danced away mad. I can't believe I said I carried a watermelon. Let's just watch them dance the whole time. Those two. What? Look at this. Coming for you. Hey, Knicky. A hickey from Knicky is like a hallmark. I'm too young to dance. You should have your hair in more of a line. Where's my mom's?
You're a dance virgin, aren't you? Yep, down, this way, like it. Does it look like I have to poo when I do this? Are we writing? Do you think that he... I remember my first dry hump. Is this called the poo dance? Oh, boy. I can't believe I'm getting pink flowers. You're a freak. You're a freak. Look at Boob Lady to the left. Old cone tease. Oh, he just left her. Now she's a freak. Ladies and gentlemen, the holiday hootenanny, 1964. Where did Garrett go? Europe. Maybe he was a ghost. Did he just leave to go surf? Uh-huh.
Who is farting in the water? Playing gin real good. You guys want to play Count the White People? My God, it's Cleopatra. I feel like such an ass. I'm like 10 years younger. Ooh, Grandma. What are you doing? What is this, a hair class? It's a wig party. You guys ever hear of going to Hawaii, kicking back on the beach? What is this place? It's the Real Housewives of Northern New Jersey? Yep. Can you say that in English, sir? Sorry, I'm usually not this weird. So I'm assuming she wants a taste. Is this subtle? Maybe they could have found a less attractive actor. Oh, wow, wow, wow. I guess Phoebe Cates was doing another role. The point is that she's...
She's the girl next door. Oh, yeah. That's right. Now, by next door, you mean Yuma. Yes. It's the hottest girl in Yuma. Look, don't look down your nose at me. Oh, I'm sorry. You can't help it. I'm taking my wigs and I'm leaving. Who has a whole suitcase full of wigs? Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. All right. Well, note that is the second nose joke. A bird in the... What? All right. A bird in the nose. I just killed this rabbit. Come back to my place. The L.O.B.'s brother is killing coogs real good. Hi, Max. Does anyone else smell fish? I'm paying for sex this evening. Look at that sweater. I wore this stupid blue sweater and he's got a white tux on. I look like an idiot. I want that. I want it real bad.
Oh, hi. Sienna. Milk coming up on Friday? Did you say milk coming up on Friday? I know. It's a hardship. Excuse me, sir. You can't make love on the dance floor. Everybody's been asking for her. Did you see the size of my breasts come back? As long as it's not an all-night break. Ooh, tough talk. Come on, Donald. Let's take a walk. I work here. They're going to make. He's going to try. She's going to rebuff him. Love to watch your hair blowing in the breeze. That sounds like a Mike Esparza line from 20 years ago. I wasn't that smooth. Don't worry. If they think you're with me, they'll be the happiest parents of Kellerman's. Where'd you get that sweater? Did you knit it? I'm known as the catcher of the county.
So, you're into macrame, too, huh? He just called himself the catch of the county. And he said to her right in front of me, what does he have that I don't have? Uh, well, a prison record. Gonorrhea. Oh. Circumcised wiener. Oh, my gosh. Holy cow. It was inappropriate. So, baby, what do you want? You can have anything you want. Like jelly and jam and stuff like that? I've got cream. Yeah, I've got ketchup back here. It's her heroin addict sister. Is she smoking crack? I just need a taste. What's that bra doing?
I'm kicking lewds, man. I'm kicking lewds. I just had my last lewds. He tried to touch me. Help. I need lewds. Do you have lewds? Do you have lewds? Do you have lewds? I'll give you 20 bucks. Yeah. Hang on. Lewds, lewds. I need lewds. Lewds, lewds. Do you have lewds? I need lewds, lewds. Hang on. I'll be right back. I got him in my locker. I'll get you some lewds. Is she okay? All right. Lewds run. Let's all go. I'm going to call up the lewds, dude, dude. Paging lewds 22. Paging lewds 22. You don't have to go anywhere to look stupid. She's kicking lewds. She's knocked up. How's that happen? What's he gonna do about it? Look here, sweater girl. You can't just go asking questions like that with that perm. Nice tap shoes. What's the deal? What? Did you get the ludes? This is not my bedroom. Did you get some? Did you score? You shouldn't sit there and not give me ludes all night? I should start doing ludes, too. She's like, so apparently I'd be a junkie to slay this guy. If I have to do ludes to get him, I'll do ludes. Why is there spittle on the screen? It's driving me nuts. Here, just have a belt.
That looks like the scene from Caddyshack. It does. Yeah, go moon. You play 18 holes on it. Oh my gosh, they're about to drink alcohol. The best thing when you're pregnant is to have a big glass of scotch. This was the 60s. They didn't know. Do you want a cigarette? Did you bring the lutes? Uh-oh. You know what, baby? You don't know. Do you want to broadcast that word? Yeah, safe harbor. Yeah. Jesus, Billy, now she's going to run and tell her little management boyfriend and we all get fired. You're going to get fired for that mascara. I got knocked up by Robbie the Creep. Robbie. It's pronounced Bobby the Creep. Who's Robbie the Creep? Mikey in the suspenders. I know he has the money.
I'm sure if you tell him, he knows. But he told me he loved me, too. Go back to the playpen. If this is what Lutz is like, I'm leaving. Coming back to my cabin to smoke a marijuana cigarette. Only my friends call me baby. Can I get your roll? I'm going to help Robbie the creep. I didn't blow a summer hauling toasted bagels just to bail out some little chick who probably could ball every guy in the place. Ball. Ball every guy? Yeah. You mean, like, play baseball? People don't. And weep. Here, read the fountainhead. Enlighten yourself. Is this a dirty book? Stay away from me. Stay away from my sister. Or I'll have you fired. Oh. Whoa. Did you see that? I learned that in the club. Oh, wow. He drained that. Oh. We're just going to keep being white the whole time. I'm going to do everything associated with white people.
I'll be every stereotype of white guy. I was thinking about renting a sailboat later if anybody was interested. Dad, can I borrow your topsiders or are you just going to be white all day? Do you guys want to go play hockey or field hockey? Maybe lacrosse. Maybe just roll some NASCAR. Can I have some money for ludes? Ask your mother, dear. It's hard for me to say that to you, but I can't. You always said you could tell me anything. Why does it look like he has a bib on? I was just going to say. Is this like the first adult Oshkosh? He's got an apron. Dad, are you just going to stay here and bake cookies out on the golf course all day? Look at that. He's got an apron on. Forgive me. Jerry Overbox is like, why the hell did I take this role? Are you talking to baby about lewds? Did you give them to her? Because I want some. Oh, boy. I can't believe people want. I can't believe.
Watch this movie so much. Hungover 40 times a day. And on a Sunday, just curled up. I tucked my shirt in and I mean business. That's right. I'm the toughest girl here. Is it horizontal makes you look thinner or vertical? Horizontal makes you look bigger. Wider, but she's little. You ever wear mom jeans when you're supposed to be like 18? I have the Preludes and now they're nowhere to be found. Oh, I see nips. What? Yep. Maybe next time don't wear a bra. I don't think she did. It's Ferris Bueller's sister. I can be a creep, too. Anyone dance with me? Can I just cut it? Excuse me. I sold the lutes. I'm going to turn my head to the side and chug this beer. I'm going to act like Dylan from 90210. If you need me, I'll be at the peach pit or at the beach. You ever seen Rebel Without a Cause? Because I have. What's the money for? Turn her back into a guy.
Abortion? Oh, no, is it? It is. It is? Yeah. Creepy. What happens, pal? She's like, what? What is that question? What's the sheltering? It's another hotel where they do the mambo act. Where they do the mambo act. Yes, I have pizzas on my shirt. It's not a big deal. It's where? With little pizzas. It's not a problem. Is it strange to you that I have little tiny pizzas all over my shirt? Yeah, it's my pizza shirt. It's my business closing shirt. They're bagel bites. I never had a chance. It's my never had a chance bagel shirt. Bagels and donuts. It's my breakfast shirt is what it is. It's my I like everything round shirt. Plebeian. You can't even do the merengue, you dumb. You dumb plebeian. Tell me I can't do it, I'll do anything. Oh, that wasn't obvious. School play? Sorry, you're the dumbest dancer I've ever worked with. Took that shirt in. Take that cat off your head and maybe you can hear me. Put your stupid arms down.
No, no, no. Really? How many times? Oh, gosh. All right, listen. You're the dumbest dancer I've ever met. It's going to be like Mike Sweeney helping me hit baseball. That's what it's going to look like. Is he going to hold your stomach like that? Yeah, I love it. It's weird. I give up. I'm a dork. I get it. I'll stick to fishing. That looks awful. I kick it. Ow, ow, ow, ow. I can't even walk. Now I stubbed my toe. I just want him so bad, I have to become a better dancer. He's that kind of guy that's like, listen, I'll slay you, but not unless you can dance. So you better learn some moves. Dang it, dang it, dang it. I should be on Friends. Oh, she looks ridiculous. You mean wearing her big brother's shirt? Don't put your heel down. Just stay on the toe.
Just listen to me. Do you want me to slap you? I know what I'm doing. Look at my nude stockings. Footless stockings. I don't get it. What is he? Hey, Mom, can I have my jeans back? Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Footless. Like, even moms watch this movie and go, what's up with those jeans? If my wife wore those, we would have to have a talk. What's a heartbeat sound like? You're doing it too fast. Here, touch my pick. Oh my gosh, it's the second base. Close your eyes. Yes, your hand's moving down. It's not a big deal. It's how you learn to dance. Don't question it. Oh my gosh, I just said text. Oh my gosh, I just said text. Don't question it. You guys, I went to second base. Whoa. Is it okay if I dance in my underwear? Should I just wear my bra? Okay, fine. You don't have to beat me up.
Should I just wear my cat suit to rehearsal? So are they at this place for like six weeks or what? He's spending a lot of time with her. And why? I've always wanted to try this. Hey, look, it's every man's fantasy, except they're dancing. Oh, my God, I'm in a three-way. He's got two broads in a room. One of them is in a bra, and he's teaching them how to dance. That makes perfect sense. Thank goodness for Spanx. I'm getting dizzy. Look at me. In my eyes, you dumb bitch. Look at me. Oh, I'll give you that. Ow! Ow! That's my nose. You're bruising me. It's not like I don't have enough issues with it. Stop! How many times have girls seen this scene? A million. I'd say, on average, 950 times. My arms are so sweaty. This is what I'm talking about. Oh, wow.
Oh, wow, Barbarella. Oh, boy. It's the first Oompa Loompa Mom. All right, Mikey's gone. I'm going to catch some shut-eye, all right? Don't tell anybody. Maybe they show the same scene over and over. Just feet. I'm going to take my shirt off. It's no big deal. You've got to be able to count the steps so you can recreate it. Oh, my gosh, we're really doing it. I'm not going to laugh this time. I'm not going to laugh this time. I'm sorry. I'm in panties. Okay, now I'm going to be sexy. Watch me. Oh, I'm titillated. I wonder if they made love when they filmed. That's a good way to be a creep is to become like a good dancer. You can creep a little bit, right? I'm dancing. This is not sexual. I thought you were a tough guy. You have nice abs. Looks like me and my shirt off. Oh, boy.
You won't show me lifts. I'm not sure it turns. I'm doing all this to save your ass. What I really want to do is drop you on it. Why is he in trouble? Why is he in trouble? Yes. With her or overall? They've got a big gig coming up. A gig? A big dance gig at another hotel. Lots of people talk. Oh, son of a bitch. And he'll lose a lot of money and he'll lose at the gig for next year. If he doesn't win, the contest. Our space keeps getting smaller over here. What happened? You're okay. You're okay. I'm going to kick this pole right out. I'm going to break the window. That guy handles that pole pretty well. Bam. I couldn't get it on one shot, huh? We're getting wet, right? Uh-oh. I'm going to leave that one alone. What? You're crazy. If you're a girl and you're in a car with a guy and he turns down a grassy wooded road, you're in trouble. Okay?
Not if you're with Patrick Swayze, because he's going to show you balance beam tricks. That's like looking into a mirror. That body. Where'd you learn to be a dancer? Well, my gay father. You know, we were all sitting around doing nothing. My friends are playing ball and football, and I decided. I'm going to dance. Dance. Uh-oh. They teach you all these different kinds of dances, show you how to break them down, how to teach them. Show you how to kiss other dudes. On guard. No. No, absolutely not. You've already seen me in my panties and bra. You've touched my boob, but I'm not going to dance on this stick with you. Don't look down. Thank you.
Are we crossing swords? What's going on? You promised you wouldn't tell anybody. Why is that feedback coming? Feedback? Uh-oh. What is he doing? Who read this script and was like, oh, yes, all the way in? Yep, that's what I always say. Go ahead and spread your knees. Why aren't they making love yet? Because they've got to get this trick down first. They should be making love. Do you smell something funny? Oh, here we go. It's on now. It's like you and me, Woods. 100%. Let's make out. Whoa. Good hot mic. Good thing this lake is heated. They still haven't kissed or made love. Oh, wow. I didn't know this was a t-shirt contest lake. Yeah.
Michelle Drake's 20 minutes away. I dropped my... Hello, sweetheart. Hello, dear. You don't have any lewds, do you? Damn it, you still asking people for lewds? Stop, quit asking for lewds, everyone. I'm afraid I'm going to forget to spike, get dizzy, and fall on my face. No, I'm doing... Don't look at my feet, keep my head up, my eyes open. Quite possibly the worst movie I've ever seen. Quite possibly. Is that Geraldine Ferraro? On the right? To the right. It's quite possibly the worst. It is the worst. Yeah. Listen, are you working at a Mexican restaurant later tonight? Mikey. Mikey just calls it a restaurant. Get to frizz your hair out a little more.
Yeah, I think you should get another perm on your perm. You'll be good to go. Her perm has a perm. Oh, get in there. Now it's getting good. You'll be fine. Take those hand grenades out of your ears. Young Jewish girls in heat. Yep. In heat? I thought this movie was called Dirty Dancing. Oh, yeah. I don't just going to do anything. Just tell mommy and daddy I've got a terrible headache and I'm in bed and check on me once, okay? And then I'm sorry I called them mommy and daddy. Bye. And shave your sideburn. The Shildrake Hotel is proud to present Johnny Castle and partner in Mambo. Siegfried and Roy. Is that her? Good Lord. That's not her. Is that her? They could have gotten a body double that looks a little bit more like her in the face. Is that really supposed to be her? That's not her. That is her. That is her. Why would they get a double? Because it looks nothing like her.
Her eyes are all blue makeup. She's cleaned up. Looks like a hooah. Really? We paid money to see this? One day I will go on to win Dancing with the Stars. Follow my lead. So what's it like being an aha? You're not Jack Wagner. Are you a real matador? I love that duck tail. I wonder if they make your pants in my size. Uh-oh. If my wife ever dragged me to this thing where I had to eat dinner and watch dancing, it would not be my wife anymore. I promise you. I see London. I see France. Oh, she's a freak. Settle down. Bring it back in. You're getting a little dorky. You're getting a little dorky. Settle down. Oh, I love it. Get ready. Let's do it. Just like the water. Just like we practiced. You can do it. And you blew it.
Oh, yeah. Oh, no. No, she didn't. I'm mortified. You're freaking embarrassing me. You're such an idiot. This is not how we did it in the lake. You're such... We come all the way here. You're the dumbest broad I've ever... Let's half-ass it next time. Let's do it like Woods is Dave Matthews. Ever just wing it? You ever forget every part of your program like Mikey did when he did the Taiwanese kid? Oh, wow. Got a prom on your prom, too. Sienna's grandmother coming. Mike, he's here. What are you doing? I have crabs, so I'm scratching. Do you ever have that not-so-fresh feeling? Oh, gross. Yeah, she's like Eileen Wuornos in Monster, cleaning up in the back seat. Hey, you got any wet wipes? Hey, you got any powder? Can we stop by KMC and pick up some... Check him out, perving in the mirror.
Oh, look what you got there. Oh, yeah. I was so prude before the quaaludes. These are really good quaaludes. Hey, put your white jeans back on again. Your weens. You should wear those more. We should have this car pretend like it's driving and just sit on like a truck and don't even have anything like flashy or anything flashing by. Let's just have dudes shake either side of it. Have two guys pushing it on either side. That's... See, you know I'm the dance side killer, right? I bet we need to do a legal here pretty soon. What's the name of that place, LLB? I'm going to go do a legal. I'm so mad I could dance. Still hasn't kissed her yet. The socials are coming. The socials are coming. You do it for Johnny, man.
Stay gold. KBCT San Diego. You're listening to the Mikey Thon for Rady Children's Hospital. Disgusting. The following takes place between 11 p.m. and 12 a.m. Did that just happen, LLB? With a dirty knife and no ether. What? Are they doing like a... They did it. No. They did it already. Way. It's very controversial.