All shows / Best Of Album - 2008 - Sweet Berry Wine
Sweet Berry Wine - Track 2 - Neil Diamond
2008
Best Of Album - 2008 - Sweet Berry WineKIOZRock 105.3
celebrity earningsNeil Diamond parodyanti drug school talkfailed live performanceCracklin' Rosiemanager feudforbesmiley cyrusshia labeoufneil diamondcracklin rosieparody
The hosts stumbled through a Forbes list and identified Miley Cyrus as a co-leader among teen earners at $25 million, while also tossing out Shia LaBeouf's name. A chaotic Neil Diamond impression then delivered an anti-drug school appearance, invented a grim heroin backstory for Rosie, and insulted students at a succession of mismatched high schools. Neil's attempts to perform "Cracklin' Rosie" repeatedly fell apart over missed cues, guitar trouble, monitor complaints, and improvised warnings about speed, energy drinks, Taco Bell, and marijuana medicine. The group also argued over Bartles and James before Neil donned a sequin cape and accused his manager Maury of both sourcing cocaine and stealing $4 billion.
What happened, in order
Top-Earning Teens
The hosts fumble through Forbes' top-earning teens and identify Miley Cyrus as tied for first with $25 million.
Uncle Neil's School Talk
A rambling Neil Diamond impression addresses several different high schools with an anti-drug and safe-sex lecture that quickly turns insulting.
Cracklin' Rosie Backstory
Neil claims he wrote "Cracklin' Rosie" about an ex-girlfriend named Rosie who died from black-tar heroin, while the others doubt the story and object to him sharing it.
The Song That Won't Start
Neil repeatedly tries to begin a song for the students but misses the vocal cue, fights the guitar, and demands to start over.
Treble and Taco Bell Tantrum
After complaining about his monitor and asking for more treble, Neil improvises a life-lesson rant about speed, energy drinks, greasy fingers, and Taco Bell.
Eyeball Medicine
Neil introduces "Cracklin' Rosie" as a song with a good message, then undercuts himself by telling the kids to take it to a weed store and snort their eyeball medicine.
The Tonic Argument
Neil accuses the students of drinking strawberry wine and says tonic means Bartles and James, prompting the others to correct him and argue over whether the drink still exists.
Sequin Cape Comeback
Neil puts on a sequin cape, boasts that he can still perform in velveteen pants, and once again names the wrong high school.
Maury's Expensive Betrayal
Neil praises manager Maury for finding cocaine in every tour city, then abruptly accuses him of swindling Neil out of $4 billion.
People mentioned
923 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Forbes list of top earning teens of last year, duh. Simi Mimey. Yep. Smimey Myrus is, uh, gotta be number one. Yeah, Miley Cyrus tied for the number one slot, bringing in $25 million last year. Uh, so you can be like 19, right? Yeah. And be a teen? Yeah. Okay, well then. Shia LaBeouf. Do we know these kids? Yes. Do you know these kids? Yeah. Personally? Do we know that? What about the entire student body at Poway High? This one's going out to all of you, you little drug-using hippies. My name is Neil Diamond, and I'm here to rock the house at Torrey Pines. Why do I come here to talk to all you kids here at Piedmont High School? What? The reason I do it is because I want to let all you know how much I care and that I don't want you to do drugs. Oh, that's nice. Even though I know half of you have VD for not wearing condoms. Neil Diamond, stop. Let me tell you something. When I first wrote Cracklin' Rosie. Oh, yes. Get it.
I was writing it about an ex-girlfriend of mine whose name was Rosie. Really? She OD'd on black tar heroin. I don't know if that's true. And if it is true, you shouldn't bring that up. One of the saddest things I ever had to experience my entire life. But it's good reason for you to not do it yourselves, you bunch of disgraceful little punk monkeys. That's not even a word. All of you people are a bunch of Coronado hippies. Sharing your deodorant and sniffing baking powder like a bunch of... Get this guitar out of here. I don't want to play anymore. Morrie! Morrie! Get this away from me. I don't want to play it. Oh, here we go. Let's play a song. This is nice. Yeah, this is good stuff. We're going to play a song for all you kids here at Grossmont High School that came to see old Neil Diamond, old Uncle Neil, speak to you today. I just want to share with you. Yes, that's right. No, that's where you were supposed to start singing. When it began. Now you're playing. No, you noticed. Why don't we start it again? What do you think? Why don't you get this stupid guitar? Oh, Neil! Hang it up, please.
Stop it. I can barely hear through my right earphone. What? Can somebody give him a monitor? What's the problem, dude? Give me some more treble. I don't know. Let's try it again. From the top. Let's try it again for you kids here at Grossmont. Yeah. I'm going to sing a song that has a lot to do with life lessons. I'm doing it with my blue jeans. Here we go. Quit taking speed. Okay, wait. Quit drinking red balls and tonic. And Frankenstein energy drinks, you bunch of mongrel little pigs. That's not even a thing. It's not real. It's a monster energy drink, I think. Why are you gross? You got chicken grease all over your little grimy fingers. What? You're eating your Taco Bell and all your fast food. Bunch of non-condom work. Get this guitar out of my face. I'm out. I'm out. Got a tune anyway. Rob, can you get him a new one? Stupid manager. Where is he, you fat balding? Don't get personal. I want to play a little Cracklin' Rosie. What do you think about this? This song has a good message in it. This is a hot one. You can take this one to the weed store. Pick up your eyeball medicine and snort it right.
Right up your nose. You're a bunch of dirty hoes. All of you kids are drunk on your strawberry wine. You kids are drinking tonic. Tonic's another name for Bartles and James. No, it's not. Get the stupid thing out of here. I don't want to play for you anymore. They don't even make Bartles and James anymore. Forget it. They don't make bottles in James anymore. Don't bring that up. Forget it. Forget it. He's already upset. Ladies and gentlemen. From the top. One more time. I'm going to put on my sequin cape. Oh, this is nice. That is cool. Rob, tie it up on the back. All right, I got it.
I can still wear velveteen pants and sing with the best of them, and I do it, and I do it for one reason. What's that? It's for all you kids here at Hoover High. Oh. Down here at Hoover High. Very nice of you. He just doesn't know where he's at. Oh, okay. He's actually Poway. Oh, that's weird. My manager, Maury. Maury, yes. My manager, Maury, used to be able to find the finest cocaine regardless of the city we played in. Oh, that's an interesting fact. But that didn't get me anywhere. Yeah. And that's why I'm here at Hoover High School to sing this to you kids. Do it. Kids, you're a bunch of filthy kids. And Uncle Neil. Might have to get his belt out and satisfy some punishment around here. I'm sorry Uncle Neil is here to break out a pint of Old Harp. Sorry Uncle Neil is here. You people know that Maury built me out of... Come over here, you fat manager. You built me out of $4 billion. He did? Why is he still your manager? Bunch of jerks.
I'll see you all later.