All shows / Best Of Album - 2007 - Furry Up
Furry Up -
Track 3 - Lost All My Game Parody
2007
Best Of Album - 2007 - Furry UpKIOZRock 105.3
comedy songdating disastersimpersonationsself sabotagebad mannerscomedydatingromancecraig gasslocksmithatariparole
The segment is a deliberately crude comedy song about a man who cannot "seal the deal" with women. After boasting that he can teach Craig Gass about impersonations, the singer cycles through reasons his dates collapse: he prefers Atari, insults a woman's breath and weight, and hits on her friend Barney. He is also broke enough to fake a birthday for free cake and casually tells his date that he is on parole. The recurring argument is that the narrator wants romance but repeatedly destroys his own chances through selfishness, cheapness, and tactless remarks.
What happened, in order
The Studio Locksmith
The singer warms up, calls himself the studio's "Locksmith," and offers to show Mr. Craig Gass how impersonations are done.
Can't Seal the Deal
A comic refrain says the narrator has lost his romantic touch and keeps "shooting blanks" with women.
Atari Over Romance
After claiming he wants to make his date happy, the narrator admits he would rather stay home and play Atari.
Calamari and Safari
The narrator sabotages the date by insulting the woman's breath and weight with calamari, gym, and safari punch lines.
Hitting on Barney
He makes matters worse by saying he would hit on her best friend, Barney, before telling her to cheer up.
Birthday Cake Date
With an empty wallet, the narrator proposes pretending it is his date's birthday so they can score free cake.
Parole Disclosure
He abruptly reveals that he is on parole and may need to leave the date early.
Late-Date Complaint
He finishes by asking the woman to stop saying she is late, adding another awkward complaint to the disastrous date.
People mentioned
235 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Me, me, me, me, me. Got my singing pants on. This guy's sewing key. My nickname around the studio is Locksmith. Let me show Mr. Craig Gass how you do impersonations. Can't seal the deal. Can't seal the deal. Shooting blanks with open up the door and ask you how your day was, lady. Tell her I want it to myself. Don't wanna waste time. Want her by my side. I wanna do things to make her happy. But now I'd rather play Atari. Say her breath kicks like calamari. You gained some weight, lady. You hit the gym lately. Hunt you out on a safari, baby. I tell you, say it, don't spray it. And ask you to go house on a baby. Hit on your best friend, Barney. You need to cheer up.
Can't seal the de- Shooting blanks with all the ladies I lost all my game The same Can't seal the de- This guy's wallet's empty Well fake it's your birthday I need a cheap date Well get some free cake You'll love it Please don't talk while I watch the socks Blame you when I rip I fall her heart Say your mom looked hard at 30 I'm on parole, baby. You need to know, lady. In case I gotta dip out on this date early. And I would really appreciate if you'd stop saying you're late. We're on top.