The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 01/23/12
Monday, January 23, 2012
recliner movingback painFrisbee historyA‑Team debutHulk Hogan WWF championshipLegoland expansionRed Tails movieGeorge Lucas criticismPhilip Rivers Walter Payton awardJustin Bieber Fear remakesnowboarding tripJoe Paterno death
Mikey opened the show by recounting how he and neighbor Dom shuffled his recliner, leaving him with a sore back that required Advil. He then moved through a series of nostalgic bits—Frisbee origins, the A‑Team debut, Hulk Hogan’s 1984 WWF win, Legoland’s upcoming attractions, and the Red Tails film—while critiquing George Lucas’s later Star Wars work. The conversation shifted to current sports honors, noting Philip Rivers’ Walter Payton Man of the Year finalist status and mocking Justin Bieber’s unrealistic wish to remake the movie Fear. Later, Woods delivered the somber news of Joe Paterno’s death, the crew reacted to the surprising primary results, and they wrapped up with a lively Name That Tune game that highlighted commonly misquoted movie lines.
What happened, in order
Recliner Shuffle
Mikey describes moving his recliner with neighbor Dom, ending up with back pain and taking Advil.
Frisbee & A‑Team Flashback
He recalls the Frisbee’s 1957 debut and the 1983 A‑Team premiere, sharing personal Frisbee mishaps.
Hogan Victory & Legoland Plans
Mikey notes Hulk Hogan’s 1984 WWF win and Legoland’s upcoming pirate reef, crab exhibit and Star Wars expansion.
Red Tails & George Lucas Critique
He discusses the Red Tails box office result and criticizes George Lucas for making Star Wars look like cartoons.
Philip Rivers Award & Bieber Remake
Mikey highlights Philip Rivers’ Walter Payton nomination and dismisses Justin Bieber’s desire to remake Fear.
Snowy Mountain Misadventure
Mikey, Jamie and Jay’s snowboarding trip turns rainy, forcing them to drink beer and play ping pong instead.
Joe Paterno’s Passing
Woods reports Joe Paterno’s death at 85 from lung cancer, calling it a broken‑heart situation.
Primary Shockers
He summarizes the weekend primaries: Newt Gingrich wins SC, Mitt Romney NH, Rick Santorum IA.
Name That Tune Showdown
The crew plays Name That Tune with buzzers, debating famous movie lines that audiences misremember.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLauren O'BrienJayNicoleJamieDomPhilip RiversMatt BurkeCharles TillmanJustin BieberMark WahlbergTiffany Amber ThiessenRutger Hauer
32,465 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
It's a crazy weekend of football. I moved my recliner, me and my neighbor Dom moved my recliner from my office into the front room, moved the recliner in the front room into my office, and I've definitely done something on my back. Took four Advil this morning, because it relieves it. Best thing for me to do is to lay on my stomach and arch, because it pushes it back in. There you go. So I will, you'll probably be seeing me doing some very creative movements. In your chair? Or maybe at a break on the floor? We'll have to wait and see. Okay, yeah, we will. I can't wait. That was my friend, Jay. Just call him a co-worker. Yeah. Just a co-worker. Because if I call him a friend, that would, you know, somehow insinuate that he likes me and was friendly. I love you.
It was on this day 55 years ago in 1957, the Frisbee came out. First time, man, where they were throwing that thing around. Stoners rejoice. That's right. Good times. Never been into it. Me neither. Frisbee? Oh, man. I know Jay would be. I used to get grounded, and I could only stay in my yard, and no one could come in my yard and play, so me and the guy across the street would play Frisbee. Really? She's like, dang it. Really? It's called a loophole. That is not a great loophole. But if it landed in the street, he'd have to go get it. I like it. It's inventive. Every time I threw a Frisbee, I was the guy that always tried to throw it too hard. And it would end up going off into the ocean or off a cliff or into traffic. And just could never really get it down. It's fantastic. Sometimes I throw it behind me. Yes. I've done that before. It's all on the wrist. Let's see. On this day, 29 years ago in 1983, the A-Team. Debuted. Genius. Never seen one episode of the 80s. Oh, my gosh. You can't, man. Michael. I missed a big portion of the 80s. You did. What were you doing? I don't know. I guess I thought that wasn't for me. Yeah. I guess I saw previews of it on television and thought, eh, it's not for me. You probably like girls. No. You know what it was, L.O.B.? It was during, you know, if I wanted to watch something on television, I was in dire need of.
reality TV before it was a thing. Yeah. They didn't have a lot of documentaries and stuff. No. Wasn't a big player. I pity the fool. I pity the fool. That's where that came from? Mm-hmm. Ah. On this day 28 years ago, 1984, Hulk Hogan defeated the Iron Sheik to win the first WWF championship. They then went on to do 422 million championships. Yes. And there was like... What do they call those things? WrestleMania. WrestleMania 950,000. The greatest. If you were a wrestling fan when you were a kid and you got the WrestleMania on tape, forget it. It was a big deal. It was a huge deal. Those were the best. Didn't they do pay-per-views too? Did you ever get to get one? I never got to get a pay-per-view, but I had friends that did. So you go over and watch it there. But then it would always come out on tape. I remember on a snow day one day, it was snow and we didn't go to school in Connecticut. And I had that tape and I saved it. I'm saving it for the right moment and I saved it for the snow day. And I sat there and watched wrestling. Just wrestle with my brother all day. So huge. Legoland is expanding, y'all. They have announced that they are going to, you know, they got a big aquarium at Legoland. And they're going to build a pirate reef and something called claws, which is going to be a billion species of crabs. Not an actual billion, but a whole bunch of crabs.
No, not those kind of things. You need to get a little comb and some solution that makes it right. RID. RID. They're also going to expand their Lego Star Wars Miniland. I've heard that Legoland's more of the park for all ages. Is this true? I think so. Never yet to go. Never been. Big player in my life. We got the season tickets. Season pass. Season pass. Kids never get tired of it? Never. Never. They love it. Love it. Would go seven days a week if you love them. Wow. Can they build stuff? Is stuff made out of Legos? You can do almost any question you can think of about Legos, you can do it. That's pretty cool. Big play structures you can run all in and out of. Rides. Yeah. Fun roller coasters. Even if you're an adult, they got scary ones. So a roller coaster made out of Legos? It looks like it. Yeah. It looks like it's made out of it.
So anyway, Star Wars and Legoland got together. Who has Star Wars not gotten together with? Fair enough. Saw a commercial on TV over the weekend that you may have seen if you watch any football where the guy's trying to decide between an HTC phone or the R2-D2 unit. He's like, HTC, let's see. This one is from Verizon, and then the R2 unit is from Naboo. Is that right? Yes. The guy's like, right, it's from Naboo. And he's like, but if I get that one. From what I understand, I also have to have a Starfighter and I'll spend thousands of dollars on gasoline. So I'm going to pass on the R2 unit and I'll just go ahead and go with the HTC phone. Correct. By the way, George Lucas, he was the executive producer of this movie that came out. over the weekend. It did really well in the box office. Not well enough to take the number one spot, but it did really well. And it looks good. The movie is called Red Tails. Made 19 million bucks. And it's about black dudes that fought in the war. Airplanes, you know, they make it real cool looking. And George Lucas says, yeah, he's going to do that kind of stuff because he doesn't want to make Star Wars anymore.
Why? Because everybody whines to him. Yeah. Now, I say with good reason, because he made them look like cartoons. Yes. They don't even look like, they don't look anything close to being realistic anymore. Now they just look like full-on cartoons when he makes them. Yeah, he jacked up those last three that he did, which are technically the first three. Right. They're terrible. Yeah. Horrible. Well, here's the thing, man. Like, I remember we did a bit here on the Mikey Show called Tyson Tunes. It was not my finest moment. But at least I admit it. You know, that guy says yet to say a word about Jar Jar Binks. Yeah. He has yet to say a freaking word. I don't blame you, Chewy. Yeah. I don't blame you. Serious. I'd be the same way. He used to just have to answer to the critics or maybe the box office numbers. Now. Everybody's got access to George Lucas. It's true. He makes all of his stuff out at this place called Skywalker Ranch. The place is so big, it's got its own fire department. Wow. That's big. Wow. It's got its own fire department because it's so large that if anything ever went wrong there, they would need an immediate assistance from a fire department.
So he just built one? I did not know that. Plus he's playing with like pyrotechnics, you know? Yeah. The lightsabers. Lightsabers can be dangerous and light something on fire. If you swing at like a branch. Yeah. If that branch is really dry. Yeah. It can cause a forest fire. Yeah. If you're messing with a lightsaber around, say, any kind of kindling. Yeah. Dry leaves. Dry old papers. Yes. Any of that stuff. Let's say R2 gets drunk, right? I know this is far-fetched, but let's say R2 gets drunk and decides that he's going to go on a bender. And then in the middle of the night, he gets a lightsaber and he just drunkenly starts spinning it around. Sounds just like him. Yeah, R2, you feel sad about it, but that doesn't matter. You started a fire. You're just lucky your old man has a full-on fire department there at Skywalker Ranch. I think he's been sober for a while. Yeah? R2? Yeah. Yeah. Everybody has a slip up. That's not what I heard. That's right. What'd you hear? Well, he's been out on the town every night this week. Poor R2.
Philip Rivers up for the Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year. I know. I saw that, man. That's pretty awesome. It's very cool. Yeah, it's him, and it's Matt Burke, who is the Ravens center, and it is Charles Tillman, who's the cornerback for the Bears. They do good stuff. Yeah, they do, man. And this really focuses on what Philip has done off the field. In less than two years, his foundation has raised more than $650,000. Holy cow. Which is really cool. So he helped create a football field at San Pasquale Academy. And, man, the guy just does, you know, as hard as he works on the field, he works even harder off of it. This guy's got six kids. Is that right? Really? He has six kids. Feels real good. Oh, wow. Yeah, it does. Oh, wow. You don't even know. You guys are a little bit creepy, I guess. A little bit. But they're going to announce the winner Saturday, February 4th in Indianapolis, which is, of course, the site of Super Bowl XLVI or Super Bowl XLVI for the layman. Justin Bieber wants to do a remake of the movie Fear, and he wants to play the Mark Wahlberg part. No chance.
Come on. You have to be a badass. Yeah, you do. That's what he wants. He wants to do the same thing for his career that Wahlberg did for his career when he did Fear. Well, maybe do an original movie. You're not tough enough. Yeah, I know. Have you seen that movie, Mike? Yep. Oh, good. Yeah, he's a hard ass and he's like a psychopath. If they do remake it, they said because of Bieber, they would have to. Make it PG-13 because they'd have to cut out the roller coaster scene, they said. Oh, yeah. That's the best scene. They would have to take out the dog scene, the tattooing his chest scene. Nicole forever. Mostly the roller coaster. Yeah. It's got to be taken out of it. Movie's not even old, Mom. I know. It's like 15 years old. I know. 1996 that came out. Yo, Nicole, get me a Coke. Well. That doesn't sound tough, Justin. Let me try it again. Hold on. Yo, Nicole, get me a coat, girl. Well, see, and here's the other thing, Justin. Mark didn't do a black affectation. You're doing a black affectation. You're not even a black. That's how I talk. And I am black, by the way. But hold on. You're not. Yes, I am. You're a 16-year-old white boy. I am black. Listen. Okay. Yo, Nicole, get me a coat.
Wait a minute. Am I supposed to be, like, scared? Yeah, you are, but... I don't know how to... I'm supposed to be, like, reacting off of him? Yeah, but it's hard to because he's not taking any direction. It's her fault, man. She ain't... She can give me what I need. She's giving you exactly... She's giving you exactly... She's a professional actress. I'm an actor. You know? Yo, Nicole, give me a coat, girl. No, wrong. I can't. I know you can't. I don't blame you. Listen. We want you for the part. Listen. We want you for the part. You got to try to do it without that affectation. Just try to sound like a hard ass. Yo, Nicole, get me a Coke. No. Oh, gosh. Cut. It's going to be awful. Can I get my stand-in in here? I actually, I kind of have to see it. If they do it, I have to see it. Oh, gosh. It'll be the comedy of the year. 100%. UT did a big editorial today. Cover the UT Today's huge editorial where they're really trying to get San Diego to think differently about the stadium. Yep. Outside the box. And the reason that they are is because they believe that the fact that we got ourselves into such financial woes is weighing us down, that we're living in the past and thinking we're obsessed with the fact that we had a corrupt government in the past and try to get past that, move forward and behave like a city that doesn't, that didn't have a bunch of corruption and messed upness.
Now, what they proposed, if you go check them out online, signonsandiego.com, you can click on a PDF, like this beautiful picture of what they proposed down there. Gorgeous. Oh, my. It is gorgeous. They want to build a sports arena right next to a new stadium, be right on the water, be boats that can come in and out of there. They want to dredge that part of the bay so that boats, sailboats can come in. Picture that skyline. Beautiful. Beautiful stadium, beautiful arena. They want to revamp and redo the convention center because they don't want to lose things like Comic-Con, which generate gajillions upon gajillions of dollars. See, I kind of like the skyline the way it is. I'm sure you do. A lot of people like Jay. The buildings don't really make the skyline better to me. I think more like the ocean and the trees and stuff like that. Well, the buildings, in fact, are the... The skyline. That's what makes them a skyline. I like it. An open skyline. Well, what you're talking about there is a picture of the forest. Building free. Sometimes you get a picture of Yellowstone. Yes. Oh, I like that. That's what you like. Pictures of trees. You can see Coronado. Yeah. It's nice. There's islands out there. You'd still be able to see Coronado. Sure. Yeah. But what you'd see is you'd see this crown jewel. The freaking greatest. It'll be. It's automatically the best part about building a new stadium.
It's automatically the best stadium in the country. Yeah, in the country. That's the best part. Well, I'm sure the investors will come forward and we'll get that taken care of. LLB says that because she knows there's not going to be any investors coming forward. I'm just saying if it shows up on my ballot, I will be checking no. Oh, gosh. I'll be checking yes. I will too. Oh, duh. I don't want to pay for it. I've seen what a new stadium can do to an economy. Yeah, it can. It's incredible. That's in Dallas, though. Same bit here. You build them. There's barely a... There's nary a city where they've done that and it hasn't turned out good. Listen, there is... There's a storm coming in. Mamma mia, is there a storm coming in? I'm talking about... Torrential downpour. 100% chance is what they were saying yesterday. I don't know what the report is today, but I mean, that hasn't even a chance. When does it start? They say that it'll really kick in about noon today. Perfect. I mean, it could start anywhere between now and noon, but by noon today, expect there to be a lot of rain here in San Diego County. We got rain at Big Bear over the weekend. It was awful. No snow? No snow.
It was warmed. I woke up and it was 30-something, 37 when I woke up. That stinks. When we got up there Friday, Jamie and I drove up. We met Jay and his family. And as we were walking in, they were walking out. They were going to go snowboard at another mountain, Summit, which is close by. And he goes, dude, you're going to want to lose all your gear that you have on. T-shirt. Yeah, people were in. One guy was in a wife beater. Are you serious? Snowboarding and a wife beater. It's amazing how much snow they still have. I mean, they got dumped on earlier in the year. But, I mean, all the runs are fantastic. But right off the run, it goes from just, you know, beautiful snow to mud. Dirt. Gross. And now when we woke up Saturday, it was pouring rain. And I go, that's it. We're out. So we left. We went up to the mountain. And as we came up, because we had to, like, give our boards and boots and stuff back. I looked up, and there was maybe 100 people on the mountain. No way. And they all had trash bags over their gear, and it was raining and cold and foggy. I was like, wow. 80-mile gust, up to 80 miles. Wow. So they closed some lifts, and it was crazy. Did you even snow? No, we went to the brewery and had some beers and had some good food, and then played ping pong all day. But you didn't do much skiing or snowboarding? The day before, we tore it up. We went all day until we just couldn't go anymore. How about you, Woods? Three runs.
You went three runs. Got three runs. That's it. On Friday. Oh, boy. That time we got up there. Holy cow. I surfed the internet. Surfed it real good. It's great. Some snowboarder knocked my wife over. Mine, too. And another one, as I was sliding down on my butt, sprayed me with snow. And I might have cursed at him as he continued to go and might have looked for him for the rest of the afternoon. He did it on purpose? Yes. Why? Because it's funny. Just to do it? Yeah, just to do it. I do it to my friends. Yeah, you do it to your friends. I don't do it to strangers. You don't do it to strangers. And I yelled at him sitting on my butt with snow all over me. What did he do? He just kept going. He just kept going. And I was like, black shirt, short sleeve, you're dead. If I see you, you are dead. I had the same thing. Kim got taken out. Kim and Jasper got taken out because Kim will always go right behind Jasper. And this guy came and jumped off this jump, hit her square in the shoulders. Oh, gosh. He flipped over, knocked Jasper over, and she laid there. And then to add insult to injury, he called her ma'am. Are you okay, ma'am? She's like, I'm not a ma'am. I'm a young woman. I'm a young woman. They need to settle down out there. Well, Bear is the aggro. Were you there? Oh, yeah. I took my board off, and I was screaming at the guy. I was running over to.
Pop him in the face. Yes. Got to protect your family. Absolutely. And then Kim was, and he was really, he was laying there. He was, I'm so sorry. Oh, well, he didn't mean it then. No, he didn't mean it, but he should slow down. They need to slow down. So I had to go and I stood up above him and blocked people so she could recover without getting run over again. Jamie's neck's all messed up because the snowboarder ran into her. Her neck, she can't turn her neck. Yeah, it's dangerous. Yeah, dude. These guys are like, they're insane. Little snow rockets. Yeah. What is this? What's that? There's snowboarders out there. Nicole just laughed at me because she's a snowboarder. You know these terms. Snow rocket? I just made that up. I thought that's when you plug one nose and, you know, right in the snow. In the snow. Bear, they're crazy. They are. Because there's huge jumps everywhere and you're just going crazy. Summit's a little more family oriented. Yeah. I need to go to Summit. Yeah. That's what I was telling you. Nicole's our 19-year-old phone screener. How long have you been doing that stuff? Oh, I don't snowboard. You don't snow? I thought you did snowboard. No. I wish I knew. No skiing? None of that stuff? No. Me either. I don't do any of it. I went there with a family one time, got on an inner tube, and just went down the snow mountain on the inner tube. It's a big old giant Mexican. I laughed because I didn't know what a snow rocket was either. She just made it up. I did. I made it up. It may take off, though. Snow rocket. You little snow rockets out there? I prefer the skis.
Yeah. I've never been on a snowboard, but I feel like I have more control. Yeah. My butt hurts really bad because I would slide down on my butt and it was very icy. Very icy. I got one part of it down, but it's the turn against your body. I don't have that one down so well. Oh, no, it's the turn away. Toes. Toes, yeah. And I was like, oh, God, oh, God, just going real fast, and I couldn't make the turn, so I would just sit on my butt. My butt hurts, too, but it's from Woods grabbing it. Yes, that's true. And hitting you with a ping pong paddle. Yeah, hitting me with a ping pong paddle. You guys are up there just having a good time. Just playing grab ass. He was. He's played a whole lot of grab ass. Yeah. I like to play grab ass. Oh, boy. We're going to tell you all about what happened with the playoffs. Big playoff weekend. And we now know who's going to the Super Bowl. Yes, we do. And we'll fill you all in on that. You can call, too, 570-1949. Glad to have listeners at 530 a.m. Mikey's show now on from 530 to 9. And, yeah, we like your feedback. You can call us, say hi. At 6 o'clock, what I do is kind of do a reset. It's almost like hitting the reset button. And, you know, we let you call in about anything you want to call in about.
You got something on your mind? We'd love to hear from you. And plenty of things for us to do today. It seems like we have a jam-packed show full of material and don't know if we'll be able to get to all of it, but got news about Joe Pa. We got all the stuff with the playoffs, plus what we were up to this weekend and just a lot of good stuff. So you're not going to want to miss a second of the show today. So here's what we'll do when we come back. Tell you about the shocking turn of events in the primaries. We're going to talk about the movies that came in real big at the movie theaters. I'm going to tell you how old Tiffany Amber Cleason is today and somebody famous died. All of it. On the way. Show coming up. I always have to look my sexy. That's why I'm wearing these tight size 42. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot a message.
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I wear like a 44 small. I'm so lonely. Lauren. I'm very clumsy. And Jay. I'm wearing Dockers right now. On FM 94.9. A whole bunch of snow dumped on the East Coast. If you have relatives out there, ask them about it. 570-1949 is our number. You want to text us, 949mikey at gmail.com is how you get a hold of us by text. And go ahead and give us a call. My back is killing me for moving a stupid recliner. A recliner. Was it your choice to move it? Yes. It's so stupid. There are two things about that statement that show you're getting old. Yes. A recliner. Yep.
And that your back hurts. Yeah, because of moving said old man recliner. Oh, boy. That's a big old recliner. I know exactly which one you're talking about. I had a neighbor come over and help, and it, oh, boy. I'm sure he was stoked to get that call. This is the worst call in the world. I knew it. It was not hard. It wasn't. It really wasn't difficult. It was real super easy, and I made sure that I got a lot of it done before he got there because I hate. having to help people do stuff like that. So I fell for him. Did you offer him pizza and beer? No, it didn't take that long. It wasn't long enough for a pizza and beer. But the playoffs were yesterday. Woods, give us the rundown on the playoffs. First of all, let me just say that these two games, the AFC Championship and the NFC Championship, did not disappoint. Well, I guess if you're a fan of the losing teams, then you're disappointed. If you're a football fan like I was, I don't really have a dog in the fight per se, it was eight of the greatest hours of football you will ever see. First game was the New England Patriots against the Baltimore Ravens, and what a game. It was so hard fought, and it comes down to, at the end, the Ravens drive down the field, and they're lining up for the game-tying field goal. Here comes Billy Cundiff to tie this game, and in all likelihood, send it to overtime.
You know what was incredible about him missing that field goal woods and just the fact that they couldn't pull this thing out is that in order for... In order for the Ravens to beat the Patriots, Tom Brady had to have a weird day, and he did. He very, very much did. He was 22 of 36 for 239 yards and two interceptions. Listen to his postgame comments. Congratulations. Tell me how this one got done today. Well, I sucked pretty bad today, but our defense saved us. That's awesome. I'm going to try to go out and do a better job in a couple weeks, but I'm proud of this. My teammates, you know, you fans were unbelievable today. You're the 12th, man. We needed it. We're going to try to go out and kick some butt in a couple weeks. So it's set. It's 23-20 was the final. The Giants, they get in. I mean, and look, the Ravens had opportunities to win this game. Lee Evans in the end zone catches which would have been the game-winning touchdown. And Sterling Moore, who's a rookie who was on the practice squad, reaches in.
and knocks it out of his hand. If Lee Evans makes that catch and does the turn away, like all receivers do, they yank it so nobody can get it, game's over. Ravens win. He didn't do it. Sterling Moore. Then Sterling Moore on the very next play. Jumps in front, knocks a ball down. Flacco had a wide-open guy running across the middle that would have gotten a first down. So they settled for the field goal, and that's what happened. Billy Cundiff. I couldn't have felt worse for a human being than at that time. I put something on Facebook. I said, this guy's the loneliest guy in the world. You got to walk into that locker room and there's Ray Lewis and Ed Reed and Terrell Suggs. And you're like, what's up, fellas? You saved me a seat on the plane. I mean, it made me sick to my stomach. And you already kind of get made fun of. For being a kicker. For being the kicker. And you got one bar on your helmet. You're wearing one glove? Yes. Come on, man. Come on. No one knows why. Nobody knows why you're wearing that glove. Gosh darn, Billy Cundiff. So, then we get to the late game. The NFC Championship game. The New York Giants and the San Francisco 49ers. Yeah, I couldn't wait. You were so excited. I grew up a 49er fan. Big 49er fan growing up. It was a rough day for the Niners. I was rooting for them. I was too. I was pulling for you, man.
Boy, it just didn't work out the way you wanted to. No, it didn't. It just didn't work out the way you wanted. Alex Smith was okay. He's 12 of 26 for 196 and two touchdowns. I will say he missed a lot of throws. But in his defense, the ball was freaking slippery wet. The conditions were garbage. The Giants ended up winning, and I feel really bad for this guy, Kyle Williams. He was the punt returner. Now, you have to know, Ted Ginn was out. Ted Ginn had been hurt. He was the punt returner. Ted Ginn's in there. This probably doesn't happen. The game probably ends up in the Niners' favor. Kyle Williams basically muffed two punts. And the last one was in overtime. And here's the play. So Manning comes up. They run it once. Then he centers it. Lawrence Tynes comes in. In overtime. And the Giants are going back to the Super Bowl. Tough night for that kid, man. Very. Very tough night for that kid. So the Giants did win. They will go on to face the Patriots in Super Bowl XLVI, which is in Indianapolis. Game is 3.30 p.m. on February 5th on NBC. Kelly Clarkson will be singing the national anthem for you. And your halftime show will be Madonna. Oh, boy, I say. But I'm sorry, man. I know you were pulling for the Niners. And, dude, I'll tell you what. That defense is...
Filthy good. They are good. They are filthy good. They have a lot of promise for next year. They do. They do, man. And, you know, it's one of those things. The ball just didn't go your way sometimes. And, boy, twice on punts. So I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I am 41 years of age. And Woods is our sports guy. He's 36. Woods sent a text this weekend that made me laugh a lot. Apparently, a long time ago, I said something that's gotten his funny bong. And it was that, why do girls on Facebook, sometimes they'll take an extraordinarily sexy self-portrait of themselves, and then they'll post, just bored. Just bored. Oh, yeah. The bored bit. Like, really? You were so bored, you decided to put on the sexiest outfit you could find. Cleavons just popping out. With the boobs just coming out of it.
You were so bored. And you were like, I don't know. Should I make some brownies? I have time. I'll go for a jog, maybe. I could go for a jog because I have time. I'm so bored. Should I just see what's on cable? No. No, I have an idea. I'll put on a lacy bra. Yeah. And some, you know, scantily clad outfit. And I'll take a picture of myself and post it on Facebook because I'm. Bored. Yeah. It's called chumming the water. It's real good. The father's from bored. Yeah. You couldn't be more bored or less bored. So I laughed so hard I almost peed this weekend when Wood sent me a picture of himself doing duck face and the word bored. Was he giving you a little skin? And I texted him back, me doing fat face, which is really just me. Just call it face. I call it face. Wow. I wrote bored. Did you guys FaceTime after that? No, we didn't have time. There's no FaceTiming this week. There was no FaceTiming. Too bad. He is a good friend and a lover. That's a clip of me saying that. I didn't just say that. Touch my body. I didn't just sing that either. Relax.
Put your tiny hand in mine. Oh, my God. It's okay, Lauren. You guys are getting out of control. Neither of us said that. Oh, you guys want to touch my body off? No, we didn't just break out into a spontaneous touch my body off. Touch my body. Touch my body. Touch my body. Touch my body. The word of the day is skeleton. So when I say skeleton, between now and nine, we will give you dinner for two at Pamplemousse Grill, my favorite restaurant. My favorite restaurant in the world. Heck yeah. And the dinner will be set for six o'clock and you get, it's restaurant week. Dang. They've extended it. Pamplemousse is extended restaurant week. And so, you know, they'll give you the dinner and you got to pick up drinks and gratuity. Nice.
So if you win this, you got to pick up drinks and gratuity and be cool. So there it is. Woodsy, sad news about Joe Pa. Yeah, speaking of Touch My Body, Joe Paterno has passed away. Maybe a little too soon. Not a good segue. Wow. No, I don't really get that, Woods. Yeah, he passed away, 85 years old, in Happy Valley from complications of lung cancer. So. Todd Blackledge was his old quarterback, and Todd is not very happy that Joe Paterno was passed. I think there's a lot of people that... Not happy. He's not happy with the media and everything that went on leading to Joe Paterno's death. Here he is. Joe Paterno died of a broken heart today, and I think there were a lot of people that had a part to play in that, whether it be the board of trustees and the way they handled his situation, even the media. and the way they covered everything over the last several months, I just think that that was as much a part of him dying today as anything else. And that hurts my heart. Maybe he's right. I believe it. Couldn't it be some regret for not being more outspoken as well? It was probably all of it. Stress. Definitely accelerated it, I believe. I do too. It's the first thing I thought. Oh, absolutely. Me too. Absolutely. I wish that on no one. Sad. So there's...
Huge news there. Oh, also, the other big news over the weekend was the primaries. Now three different winners, three different places, three different primaries. Newt Gingrich just won South Carolina. Shocking. Mitt Romney won New Hampshire, which is not shocking. And Rick Santorum, after all the votes were counted, turns out he won Iowa. Wow. Turns out he won Iowa. So anyway, this is Newt Gingrich because the latest one was the one that just happened. The latest one was South Carolina. And here's Newt Gingrich. And there's two debates that we had here in Myrtle Beach and then in Charleston where people reacted so strongly to the news media. I think it was something very fundamental that I wish the powers that be in the news media would take seriously. The American people feel that they have elites. who have been trying for a half century to force us to quit being American and become some kind of other system. And the reaction, people completely misunderstand what's going on. It's not that I am a good debater. It is that I articulate the deepest felt values of the American people. Oh, boy. Just patting yourself in the back. Oh, my God. You should ask all your wives about that. Mitt Romney got up, said this after he lost.
Tonight I want to congratulate, of course, Speaker Gingrich and my fellow Republicans at a hard-fought campaign here in South Carolina. We're now three contests into a long primary season. This is a hard fight because there's so much worth fighting for. We've still got a long way to go and a lot of work to do. And tomorrow we're going to move on to Florida. It's a... It's a state that has suffered terribly under the failed policies of President Obama. Now, by the way, Mitt says he's releasing his tax returns tomorrow. Because that's been a big deal with Mitt Romney. Let us see your tax returns. And he hasn't wanted to. And so he says, well, I think he realizes may have cost him in South Carolina, so he's going to release him. Nice. Don't know what it's going to say, but maybe it doesn't look too good for him when he does release him. But he says he's doing it.
And he was on Fox News Sunday and said, yeah, I realize it probably hurt me the past couple of weeks not releasing them, so I will. Feast. Box office this weekend. The movie Underworld Awakening took the number one spot, $25.4 million. Never heard of it. Me neither. Is it the series of Underworld movies? Yeah, it's a series about the Underworld. Some vampires. Vampires? Vampires underwater. Ah. Blah. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Red Tails came in second. L.O.B. It's a movie about the black dudes flying in there. Ah, yes. George Lucas. Yes. The Tuskegee Airmen. There you go. Tuskegee? Tuskegee? Tuskegee. Bless you. It's easy for you to say. Easy for me. Easy, penis. All said.
I forgot about that. I didn't. And then Contraband, the Mark Wahlberg movie, came in third place, $12 million. I've heard it's stupid. Well, we played that clip a couple weeks ago, and it sounds like the worst movie ever made. Adam said he saw it. He said it was really good. Really? Yeah, but that's Adam, our promotion director, who cannot be trusted when it comes to movies. He likes video games. It's true. Well, he plays hours and hours of video games with Jay online. Yeah. Well, my point is you two have the sensibilities of a couple of teenage girls. That's fair enough. You know what I mean? Right. Tiffany Amber Thiessen's 38 years of age today. Wow. What a little angel. There's clips of her when she was an Olympic diver. She was an Olympic diver? Yeah, can't you hear it? Oh, I'm like... What? How did I fall for that Monday morning? Holy crap. I really did. I'm like, wow, I didn't know that. Born Yesterday. I guess. What a moron. He's taking wooden nickels real good. Oh, my God. Can we just delete that, please? Rewind. Rewind. Rutger Hauer. You remember that guy? Yep. He was in those action movies. Blade Runner. Yep. He was a real weird dude in the movie The Hitcher. Scary movie. He was in Batman Begins. He's 68 years old today. Robin Zander, lead guitar player for Cheap Trick. He's 59. He was a singer.
Holy cow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Singer. Lead singer. He's awesome. He wants you to want him. Yeah, 59. He will be the flame. 59 years old. Dang. And Tito Ortiz, UFC champion, 37 years old today. This is sad. Did you guys hear Etta James passed away? Yeah. That's a very sad story. We all loved Etta James. Yeah. In the history of weddings. Big wedding song, wedding player. Now the bride and groom will be dancing to At Last by Etta James. Weird. You're out of your mind. Just a matter of opinion. A lot of Etta James hardcore fans this weekend posting their great loss. Who knew? Yeah, who knew? What do you mean? They were just saying it? I'm just saying. There's a lot of Etta James fans all over the Facebook. Just everywhere.
Well, isn't everyone an Etta James fan? Yeah, who's not? Who's not? Can you guys name three Etta James songs? No, all you need is one. I'm just saying. Wait a minute. If I say that, and it happened a long time ago, but Judy Garland was really only known for the Wizard of Oz. But she was known like crazy for The Wizard of Oz. You know, with Judy Garland, I probably wouldn't have changed my profile picture to Judy Garland. That is true. You saw people doing that. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. That's taking it real far. And look, it's just not our era. You know what I mean? It's not really Facebook's era. That's taking it far. So I thought that was a little odd. But, hey, to each their own. To each their own. You know who was deeply influenced by Etta James? Miss Adele. Yes, Adele. There you go. So maybe she. It could change appropriately. Also, the Bloodhound Gang. Ah. LLB, if you didn't know that. I'm on San Diego from San Diego. Are you there? I am still here, yes. Go ahead. You're on the air. Woods, I need some help. Okay. I need a very, very good hangover cure. Why are you asking me? Ask Jay. He loses more than me. Eggs. Jay, help me. Hair of the dog. Yeah. No. Always hair of the dog. Have some eggs. I'm on eight. I had to wake up at 5.30 and go to work today, and I...
I am hurting. Yeah, you drank too much watching football, I bet. Yeah, I was doing that. What was the dog? Was it beer? Well, it started off with Captain and Kobe. Oh, boy, it's your problem. And ended up with margaritas. You're a Raiders fan, aren't you? I am. Ainge, I love you for knowing that. Man, that is a callback, calling L-O-B Ainge. That is something that we mentioned just a few times. Short for Angel. Short for Angel, something her boyfriend calls her. Okay, mind you, thank you last week for talking about her butt. Yeah. My butt? Yes. Oh, boy. You were going to get some little outfit and do a number and all your choreographing. I love it. Yes, she still is. Yeah, she still is. I am. She's going to be creeps coming out of the woodwork for this one. L.O.B. is going to be doing a Pussycat Dolls dance at House of Blues live broadcast. I've been running a lot of hills to work on the butt. If I had a lighter, I could light my breath on fire right now. I like an egg burrito. Yeah, something greasy. We need something greasy. Maybe some potatoes in there. Gatorade. Yeah. I did a Gatorade this morning. Oh, Gatorade. You need some coconut water. And you need something greasy, man, like a double burger. Lunch. Yeah. Do you have to work today? I am on my way. I left at 530. Yikes. I'm still on the road. I love you guys at 530 in the morning now. Right on. Thank you. Yeah.
I've got an hour and a half commute every day. Dang. Just one way. And I tell you, man, it's nice because, you know, I could listen to the Mark and Brian show only for so long. I didn't know those dudes were still on the air. No, it's a rerun from 5.30 to 6, but now you guys are on, so I'm stoked. Yeah. There you go. I love it. I mean, you know, I know, you know, being a Raider fan isn't the best thing, but I got to cry. We still like you. Yeah. Can't help it. We still like you. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I reiterate. Being a Raider fan is the best thing. Sorry. You're drunk. Yeah, you're still drunk. You keep your eyes on the road, pal. Yeah. No, but you know what? I need some type of cure because my brain is on fire. I'm tired of it. Oh, my. I'd have given him longer, but he's a Raider fan, as I said. I wanted to know who he was getting wasted rooting for yesterday. Yeah. Or probably rooting against somebody. Against, yeah. Yeah, I mean, if you're a Raider fan, what do you do? You don't root for the Niners. No, for sure. Yeah, you can't. Maybe, yeah, maybe it was against the Niners. Different conference, though. Yeah. Yeah. Is there anything to that? Maybe not. I don't know. And then maybe there's some of that California pride in there, you know? Like, I want to see, you know, if I can't get there, I'd like to see one of my guys get there. Let's see. So, Jim Carrey's daughter is a singer. Yep. Weird. Last night after...
The playoffs, it was American Idol here in San Diego. They were showing when they were here on the aircraft carrier. Jim Carrey's daughter tried out for American Idol. Turns out she's good. She is good. I watched. Does she have a rubber face like him? No. No. Does she look like him, Woods? Yeah, kind of. She's got kind of a bigger mouth, like kind of a bigger mouth. Okay. Like a trout. Just like a big... Okay, all right. Yeah, maybe we don't... Kind of a bat. She's a child. Maybe we don't... She's not really a child. She's got kids, no. She has kids? Yeah. She's a grandfather? Yeah. She carries a grandfather? Yeah. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. And then there was some chick that I consider a unicorn. Like, I heard her sing. I was like, wow, that's freakish. Yeah, the judges said that San Diego was one of the best pools of talent they've ever been a part of. Really? And I got to tell you, it was pretty cool watching that. amount of people that went out to this thing was unbelievable. Jamie and I were going, oh my God, it was packed. American Idol is the number one television show in America. Yeah, it was pretty awesome. It's the number one television show in America with all sorts of different age groups, but one of them is 18 to 34 year old men. I know. I thought you were going to watch it, Mikey. I watched...
I didn't watch the San Diego one yet. I just heard it. Oh. But I did watch the first one. Oh, did you? Yeah, I thought it was good. I thought it was really good. I laughed out loud. Oh, me too. I thought they had a big dip in, like, viewers this year. They did. They did. But it's still head and shoulders above the rest. Yeah. I told my wife last night we were watching, because that's Mike and I. That's our new bit. We have to watch it with our wives. And I was watching it, and I was kind of getting into it. Well. Yep. Kind of yelling at the TV. I'm going to. I'm going to play you Jim Carrey's daughter singing so you can hear that. Good. Also, we're going to play Name That Tune. So if you want to play, call us 570-1949. You're going to pick me, Woods, or L-O-B to represent you and Name That Tune. What's the theme, Jay? It's people freaking out in movies. Okay. Hi. Mikey Show now. Text them at 949mikey at gmail.com. Or call Mikey now. 570-1949. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. I just got 4G LTE from AT&T here in San Diego. And let me tell you, it's crazy fast. Like living in the future fast. Up to 10 times faster than 3G. My roommates can't keep up. Ooh, Jenny, did you hear... That Barbara has an extra ticket to the concert? Lisa, that's so 42 seconds ago. I already downloaded it from the link she sent me. Oh, great. Lisa will forget about that ticket soon. See, about 52 seconds ago, her boyfriend changed his relationship status to single. She doesn't know that yet, but she will in three...
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all the way from Fury Lane to Main Street in the mid-20s. Small delay on the 805 southbound, La Jolla Village Drive, Miramar. That's about 45 miles an hour. And as you travel over here on the 163, looks like a little slowing of the 163 northbound to the 5 north. It's 48 miles an hour. This report brought to you by Brandman University is a nonprofit school. Brandman University is fully dedicated to your success. Call 1-800-275-9700. You can learn more. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94. Come on, get up. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I know a lot of girly stuff. Woods. I've bathed myself in ranch. Lauren. I'm all about the discounts and reviews. And Jay. Whenever I go to a party, I'll bring beer, but I bring beer for myself. On FM 94.9. Yeah, so apparently Jim Carrey has a daughter named Jane who was trying out for American Idol. Does father know you're here? Father does know I'm here. Who's father? My dad's Jim Carrey. Oh. They're great, Jim Carrey. I remember you when you were little. Yeah. Hi, girls. I think I was like two. You were so little. You were a baby. Oh, my God. Jennifer, yo. When did you been? Yo, come on, man. Oh, my God. This is crazy. Okay. Woods, about how old would you say she is now? She looked to be, you know, early 20s.
Jim Carrey's daughter. All right, so here she is auditioning. People are talking, talking about people. I hear them whisper. They think we're lovers. Maybe they see it. Something we don't, darling. Let's give them something to talk about. Oh, I like you. I like the voice. I like the poll. I like the fact that Jim Carrey. is your father and we can play that up on television oh hell yeah i liked it too i like the sound of your voice i think you're good i think i really like the sound of your voice i think it has a good tone i like the fact that your father is jim carrey star of all the ace ventura movies and uh also dumb and dumber i like that too and that he'll probably come see you see you perform
And that we can cut the A-B roll shots of him sitting in the audience. You need to think more about performing. You close your eyes a lot, you know? Listen, I know this is weird. And if you don't like the idea, you can say no. Would you be opposed to wearing a T-shirt that says Jim Carrey is my father throughout the entirety of the rest of the program? I've got an idea, too. I think it'd probably be cool if the next time you came out in Hollywood... which is great because your dad is Jim Carrey in Hollywood, and I really loved Liar Liar. If you could actually come out on his shoulders and sing a song. We'll raise a mic up for you, and then you're on his shoulders, and then you're singing. Again, we're just spitballing ideas. If you're not okay with it, that's fine. And that's all good for the feeling of it, but you still got to connect with your audience. You got to make us feel something when you're singing. You know what I mean? It's not just about having a pretty voice, which you do have. And you also do have... Jim Carrey as your father. We're also very interested in your bloodline. Yes. Good melody, but you gotta work on the volume. Like, you know? Okay. Let's think about the volume of movies that your dad was in. Let's talk about that. But what you do have going for you is your dad is Jim Carrey. Yeah. Here is her calling her dad Jim Carrey after they accept her. Because they do. She did a great job, man.
She's on her way. Everyone's in tears here, so it's a good moment. Way to go. Thank you. Can you drive down, Dad? San Diego and all. Well, I didn't want to. sit and wait while you were waiting to get in. Now, this I think is freakish. Every once in a while you hear somebody sing and they're so freaking good that you go, that's freakish. This girl's name is Ashley Robles. Listen to this. Trip out. And I wish you joy and happiness. But above all, I wish you love. Oh, yeah. DJ? Very nice. Very nice. Very nice. Weird. That is no easy song. That's weird when you can do stuff like that. It was sweet because she's got a little five-year-old daughter. And her little daughter.
was so cute and so excited that her mom made it to Hollywood. That's cool. That's the stuff that gets me on those. I'm like, oh boy. No, they're going to get you a few stories. There's one story. A girl sings. She lives in... Her and her boyfriend are unemployed. They live in the woods. In a tent. How'd she find out about the casting? That's a good question, LLB. That's actually a legitimate question. Smoke signal. But they went out there. They showed. They got a tent out in the middle of the forest. Internet cafe, I'm sure. She good? Not bad. Not bad? Not bad at all. We're going to play Name That Tune. It's easy. It works just like the real Name That Tune. Jay is going to play something for us, a theme. And we have these little buzzers where we got to buzz in if we know the answer. The reason that we have buzzers is because Woods oftentimes thinks that he has been cheated.
I think she's been cheated out of winning. So what we did was we got buzzers so that there's no denying who buzzes in first. Well, sometimes there's denying. Yeah, he still denies. Even though we now have a mechanical device that will tell us undeniably who was first to buzz in, Woods will still sometimes take umbrage with who has, quote, cheated him. Maybe he'll throw the device that we have. Sometimes he does. Punch it. Sometimes he will. I think this is his second unit. That is true. The first one ran out of batteries. Is that what it did? M1 Uniform Man from Escondido, who do you want to represent you? I'll go with O.P. Dub, please. You got it. Your old pal Woods is yours. M1 Meter Reader from Oceanside, who do you want? L.O.B. You got it. I am generally always taken last. M1 Trophy Lounge from Chula Vista, you've got me. Nice. Hang on a line. All right. The theme is what, Jay? People freaking out in movies. People freaking out in movies. We're playing for dinner for two at the La Jolla Shores during San Diego Restaurant Week. Now we sit in two weeks until January 28th. All right. We got buzzers. I'm ready to go. Let's do this thing. Oh, yeah. The buzzer. The buzzer. Remember the buzzer. Here we go. Dang it. Woods. Scarface. Now, is the only acceptable answer the movie? Yes. Not the actor or anything like that.
That is the only acceptable answer. All right. Dang it. Good question. Here we go. I mean, I know it's been awkward as ass, but there's no need to leave. No, actually there is. Woods. Bridget Jones' diary. You're a woman. Dang it. You are a girl. It's a good movie. With girl parts. It's a good movie. It's a bit personal, but a little bit true. Here we go. No. Get out of here. You're fired. I have a better solution. You keep me on the payroll as an outside consultant. In exchange for my salary, my job will be never to tell people. I know who it is. I do too. L-O-B? Fight Club. Dang it. Dang it. I knew it was Ed Norton. Me too. Ed Norton. You want me to be a stand-up guy? Okay, I'll be a stand-up guy. I need my job too, but what's going on here is wrong. If I did such a bad job, why did production go down and cost go up?
Oh, gosh, I know what that is. Go ahead, Woods. It's freaking Michael Keaton and Mr. Mom. Yes. It's Mr. Mom? Yeah, Mr. Mom. Dang it. Dang it. Don't you ever talk to my kid like that or I'm going to knock you out. Dang it. What do you mean? What'd I do? That is Michael Keaton and the... Oh, I got it. It's cheating. Here he is. Is it? No, he was just explaining himself. I'm working it through. Here we go. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth. Mikey? Miracle on 34th Street? That's minus one for you. Reset! Reset! Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth. Banks are going bust. Shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat. We sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had 15 homicides and 63 violent crimes as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad, worse than bad. You might as well stop it. They don't know. Yeah, no idea. I do. What is it? You don't know, right, Elleby? Can I guess? I won't get it. Is that network? Yes, it is. Dang it. I'm as mad as hell. And I'm not going to take it anymore. Gosh.
Darn it! Old, I guess. Not that old. From the 60s? Yeah, well, I'm an old guy. I'm 41. Here we go. Huh, what do I think? Um, you know what, Stan? L-O-B? The breakup? Woods. Hold on, let me give you a chance for you. Go ahead, Woods. Office space. Stan! Here we go. Aren't you going too fast? Oh, it's not the speed. Damn it, I screwed up. Driving Miss Daisy? Idiots. Reset. Moron. Here we go. Aren't you going too fast? Oh, it's not the speed really so much. I just wish I hadn't drunk all that cough syrup this morning, you know? We're going to be killed. Oh, no. Just keep your hands on the wheel and slow down. Not killed. No idea. I have a guess. I feel like I want to guess. You know what it is, Woods. Do you know what that'll be?
Do you know what it is, L.O.B.? Three, two, one. Is it Stripes? But you don't get the point. Dang it. Idiot. I can't believe you guys don't know that. It's classic. What's the score, L.O.B.? It's negative one, Mike. Lauren, zero. Woods, three. You should get some older movies. Here we go. I'm not going to do what you all think I'm going to do. Woods, Jerry Maguire. Just freak out. Dang it. Tarn it. All right. Here we go. Ron, are you okay? Woods. Anchorman. Come on. Dang. Faulty. Faulty button. Yeah. How many more? There are three remaining. So we're going to make these each two pointers to give you guys a chance. All right. Here we go. Dammit. Mikey. 300. Yep. Right. When you kicked him in the pen. Oh, yeah. You're right. Here we go. Well, he's still. Yeah. Nobody can win.
Except Woods. Okay, then this is a three-pointer. Perfect. There we go. Yeah. Living in your sister's basement with five. Woods? That's a wedding singer. Oh, my God. He is so good at this. Gosh darn, he's hard to beat. Especially when it's movies. The guy knows what he's doing. M1 uniform man from Escondido. You there? He punched himself. You punched yourself in the nuts? You punched yourself in the gonads, Woods? Yep. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. That's excitement right there. Uniform man, Woods got so excited for you. He punched himself in the nuts. I was doing my hip thrust. Yeah, and he punched himself. How about that? I got purely cut out the middle man. Maybe I act like I've been there before. I think I am. Vernon Davis? Oh, my gosh. Congratulations to you, uniform man. Thank you very much. Guy brought it home for you. Oh, man. Enjoy that meal, pal. Yeah, three-course meal. Wow. What's a meal? What is a meal?
Of course. It's coming in there to me. Oh, that's fantastic. You could hear that all day long. The best mic was up at Big Bear, Jay's wife, breaking his balls for mispronouncing the word cliff. He said he's clift. I used to. With a T. Clift. Clift bar. Fell off a clift. Goodness. You guys are so much fun. So. Sucks. This kid has become a YouTube sensation. He is identical screech. And when I say identical screech, I mean this kid looks like Dustin Diamond. He looks just like Dustin Diamond. And in terms of age, I want to put this kid 13, 14 years old. Yeah, I think so. Not a trace of facial hair. And there's not any in the nearby future. If he were looking over the bow.
of his youth with a pair of binoculars, there simply is no facial hair on the horizon. It's going to be many, many days. But I'll tell you what he does have. What he doesn't have in facial hair, he makes up for in gumption. Now, what is gumption? It's when you have a girlfriend and you decide you're going to make a video for her to let her know how you feel about her. And you're going to be a white kid. With no shirt on, your little pink nipples showing on the video. Pencil erasers. Yes. Talking to her and her only. Well, and by her only, I mean over one million people that have now viewed it on YouTube. Yes. The world. Hi, baby girl. Everything's okay, I promise. I forgive you. Don't worry about it. Everything's going to be okay. I love you. I love you. What would?
Are you uncomfortable? Keep me out so bad. Are you uncomfortable, girl? I love you so much. I love you more than there are grains of sand on every beach. So you know, as he's saying this, he's sort of, with the little camera filming himself, he's sort of turning in a circle. Of every planet. Of every galaxy of the universe. I need you in my life. I need you more than humans need water and food to survive. I believe him, by the way. You mean more to me than... Your nipples. Your little tiny 14-year-old nipless. Home Depot means to Mr. Lojorado. You comic genius. You mean more to me than just anything. You mean more to me than golden diamonds. What are golden diamonds?
Golden diamonds. They're diamonds made of gold. Very rare. To the greediest burglar. And you're just the most perfect, most beautiful girl in all of the world. Identical screech. And I love you so much. I hope you enjoy watching this baby girl. Oh, that's creepy. That's creepy. Tiny little giggle. It's a cool tomorrow, baby girl. It's getting shot with a dart every time he says it. Immediate breakup. I love you. Oh. Stop loving me. Stop loving me. He's doing his eyebrows up and down. Oh, yeah. He has giant caterpillar eyes. Eyebrows. And he manipulates them in a way that says, creepy, creepy. It's so bad. I wish his dad walked in the middle of the video. What are you doing? What are you doing? I do. It's true.
I love you more than anything else in the world. Yeah, you said that. Oh, wow. Bye, baby girl. Oh, gosh. Stay perfect just for me. Oh, boy. Oh, that's so filthy. There's so many thoughts running through my heart. What do you want? You want the tears to come out of my eyes? Stay perfect for me. My kid has to get homeschooled now. Yeah. No way he can be out in public. No. You can't go out in public after you make that. I thank God that. when I was in sixth and seventh grade, that there were no computers or webcams. Me too. There would be several. It would be my bit. Yeah. The video bit. It would be my bit, and that would have been your boy. Me too, but I wouldn't have been able to take off my shirt. I would have had to have kept my shirt on. Unlike that young man who took it off. You know what's really weird about that video? Besides everything. Besides everything. In the video, which we should post, but in the background, there's his closet. And there's nothing in his closet. There's one red shirt. One red shirt. That's all I need in his closet. That's all he needs, baby girl. Ew. It's the shirt he took off. Yeah, exactly. I took it off and I'm here for you to go into the guest room where nobody ever goes. And I make these videos for you, baby girl. I call it the killing room. I have to tell a client.
My mom's next door on their computer. My shirt off. I have a giant cradle. I'm going to rock you, baby girl. Rocket to rock. I want you to wear a bonnet, baby girl. After all, you're a baby, right? You want to wear a bonnet, baby girl? You mean more to me than all the milk for the baby girl. You mean more to me than all the G's in the word girl. There's only one. That's you. You mean more to me than the teeth that you get your milk from, baby girl. Wow. You mean more to me than these little pink nipples that you still have. You mean more to me than this webcam. It's easily one of the creepiest things I've ever seen in my life. What do you do if you're her dad?
You kill him. You laugh at him. You murder him. You laugh at him. And then you beat the crap out of him with a stick. That kid is a dead man. A dead man. What I have for you next is fantastic. It's this American Airlines captain giving too much information to the passengers. Wait until I read you the transcript. This is The Mikey Show, FM 94.9. Hey, I want to let you know AT&T is doing so much great stuff for you with AT&T U-verse. You can put your TV virtually anywhere in your home.
with a new wireless receiver. You can move it into the kitchen when you cook or you can move it outside for barbecues and parties. You can move it into an extra room that you have. If you got people coming over for the big game, you take that outside for only 29 bucks a month for six months and a total home DVR included. It's absolutely fantastic. But to take advantage, you got to jump on it right now. Call 1-877-ONLY-ATT today or visit an AT&T store or check them out online. Like I said, it's att.com slash free your TV. Now, anywhere that you have a power outlet, you can be plugging your TV in and getting it with a wireless receiver. Check it out. It's only from AT&T. Geographic restrictions apply. Additional charge for wireless receiver. Price for UFamily TV. New customers. After six months, standard rates apply. Taxes and other charges apply. $36 TV activation fee. For details, go to att.com slash tvdetails. Do you know a high school senior who could use a scholarship for college, junior college, or vocational or technical school? The San Diego County Ford dealers can help. They're giving away $1,000 scholarships.
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How can he not be dead? Oh. Is it just me or is that weird? Poor house. I have a patient who's asexual. Blind people who don't want it. Dead or lying. What? Then, the critics all agree. Amazing. Intriguing. We're hooked. Where are we? I'll get your ass. For over 100 years, no one ever escaped the rock. Welcome to solitary. Just you and yourself, 24-7. Now! Until the night they all finished. This is a manhub. It is your job to find me. Let's see. We're chasing a ghost. From the imagination of J.J. Abrams, it's the new hit series, Alcatraz, after the return of House Fox Tonight. It all starts at 8 on Fox 5. Ben, stay tuned for the Fox 5 News at 10. This report, it's brought to you by Mercedes-Benz. It's your opportunity to make the car in your driveway the car of your dreams. For a short time, you can lease a brand new C-Class, only $3.49 a month, but only at your local Mercedes-Benz dealer. Well, it looks like an incident here on the 805 northbound Market Street. I don't know. You've got a delay. It's pretty tight all the way actually from the 15 north to 43rd Street. We're seeing speeds in the mid 40s. The 905 westbound corporate center drive to Airway Road. We've got speeds about 34 miles an hour. This report brought to you by Subway. Enjoy the deli style taste of the Subway. Big hot pastrami melt, piled high pastrami, spicy mustard, pickles and cheese. Get the Subway big hot pastrami melt today. I'm Stacey Cohen.
FM 94.9 TVZT San Diego. The Lincoln Financial Media Station. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. Uh, I can't do anything. I can't do anything Andy at all. Lauren. I wash my hands like a thousand times when I cook. Woods. I don't like to be tickled because I squeal like a little girl. And Jay. Hey, I like to skateboard. On FM 94.9. So this story about the American Airlines pilot, it's pretty incredible. He was getting a little bit too much information. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's Lauren O'Brien. We call her L-O-B. That is Jay. He's our producer. And our phone screener is 19-year-old Nicole. Last week, we were working on a skeleton crew. And now we are back in full force. There is no... We don't have any holidays this week. It's a full work week for all of us. Woodsy has some news about the Pro Bowl. Yeah, the Pro Bowl is going to be this Sunday, January 29th.
It's in Hawaii, as it always is. And San Diego Chargers wide receiver Vincent Jackson and running back Ryan Matthews have both been added to the AFC Pro Bowl roster. Vincent Jackson is going to replace Wes Welker, who will be going to the Super Bowl. And Matthews is replacing Baltimore's Ray Rice, who will miss the game. So it's Jackson's second Pro Bowl and Ryan Matthews first. So congrats to those guys. And if you missed it earlier, I told you that Phillip Rivers is up for one of the three finalists for the Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year Award. which honors all the things that he does off the field. His foundation raised over $650,000 in the last two years, which is really cool. It's very cool. It's called the Rivers of Hope Foundation. By the way, I want to let people know that we will be doing the Incorporator at 730 this morning. Let's see. This is M1 Theater Mom from Escondido. Are you there? I'm here. What was the word of the day? Skeleton. That's correct.
It was skeleton. Congratulations to you. You are a winner. You are going to Pample Moose for dinner tonight. It's restaurant week. All you got to do is cover drinks and gratuity, but Pample Moose is picking up the dinner tonight. Awesome. Thank you. You are very welcome. Hang on the line. So I think that you will find this very interesting. This was a airline pilot for American. He was flying from Dallas to Jackson Hole. And it's flight 2599 scheduled to depart Dallas at 510, but it was delayed to 610. Now, this was a little bit irritating for the people that were on board the flight, but what was really kind of strange is the stuff that he was saying. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a recreation of what I said. And speaking, sorry for the delay, but we were delayed two hours.
Coming from Vancouver. We seem to have a little problem. Our hydraulics are leaking, and it wouldn't really be a good idea if we tried to fly that way. Don't they need the hydraulics? Not a good idea at all, so I'm sure you'd all agree with that. So the technicians are going to come out and try to fix it, and then we'll be off the ground as soon as they do. Fix it. That's great. That's just what I wanted to hear. Get out of here. Here he comes. Also, I've flown into Jackson many times. Perfect. I used to fly there all the time, but I haven't flown there in two years. It's kind of a tricky approach. So before we take off, I'm going to have to watch a video. What? And it's required. And so I'm going to get off the jetway now, and I'll be back in 40 minutes. Wait, he's getting off the plane? He's getting off the plane to watch a video? He's getting off. Three minute of baby or something? I'm getting off. For patience. Unfortunately, they're unable to fix the hydraulics.
So we're going to have to change planes. Oh, for God's sake. Come on. It's going to take about an hour to get the new plane out of the hangar and clean it. An hour? And get it to the gate. You may now de-board, and please check your departure signs because we don't know which gate the new plane is going to arrive at. You know, we had to go visit your freaking mother in Jackson Hole, didn't we? My mother. My God. I could be sitting home watching TV right now. Oh, we could be listening to your mom. Good Lord. Welcome back. Sorry about the long wait there, but the plane had to be cleaned. I don't just mean the seats needed to be cleaned. The restrooms were really smelly and the whole plane smelled foul. Is he really saying this? We certainly weren't going to let you get on board with it smelling like that. It's like a bit. It'd be a horrible way to fly. Are we on Southwest? Why is this guy doing bits? Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your patience. I'm sure you're having a blast. We're going to have two mechanics out here. What they're going to do is take the door completely off and put duct tape all around the edges. That's right, folks, duct tape. And then they're going to put the door back on and then we'll keep it closed for our flight. That's good. They're going to duct tape a door. They're duct taping the door. We're going to be 30,000 feet in the air. Yeah, we've been delayed three and a half hours to go see your freaking mother. This is awesome.
By the way, folks, this really is what he said. Not making any of this up for comedy's sake. This is actually what Weird Ball, that's what I'm going to call him, Weird Ball. Captain Weird Ball. Captain Weird Ball. He actually said the duct tape. I thought you were just making that up. No, I'm not making any of it up. That's a true statement. It's all true. Captain Weird Ball actually said all this stuff. Chances there were some bickering couples. Oh, my gosh. Babies. How come those pilots? They must have to pass a test to sound bored and no personality. Yeah, monotone. Ladies and gentlemen, cruising altitude, so if anybody wants to get out of their seat and stretch their legs. Excellent. Excellent. John, very good job. Next? Next. Oh, no, it's your plumber. No, it's not. It's your captain. Folks, I just want to hit that button again and again and again just to see how long it takes for you to lose your mind.
I'm just going to keep hitting this button. That's the weirdest story. All that's true. I can't believe that. I didn't make any of that up. We didn't want you to get on that plane because the bathrooms were so smelly. So smelly. Really? Oh, gosh. I don't need to know that. Yeah. Are we ready to put our headshots on Facebook? I'm not ready for it, no. We were talking about this last week, about how... I had headshots from back in the day. So did Jay. And so did L.O.B. Woods has headshots, but they're actually not embarrassing. They're normal. Yeah. I mean, they're new. I'm chubby in them. There's still time. There's still time? Yeah, you can look back 10 years from now and go, man. I was fast. You will wonder, what was I thinking? Yeah.
When you see Jake, go ahead and post yours on our Facebook page. Grabbing them right now. His are the best. They're outstanding. Oh, there's no doubt. I think he wins hands down. I told my wife I was doing this. She says, what are you, out of your mind? Now, what we're going to do is we're going to post them on our Facebook page. Mine, I'm wearing jorts. Don't you have hair? I have hair. You look like such a sex pervert. Oh, like a complete sex pervert. It's so weird. You were there. So if you want to see these pictures, all you need to do is go to facebook.com slash Mikey show. Facebook.com slash Mikey show. And you can see these photographs of our headshots. L.O.B. What about you? Will you be able to, do you have anything that you can email or whatever? I can post them myself or I can email them to you. Yeah, yeah. Can you post them on our fan page? Yes, I can do that now. Yeah. Some of mine are not bad and some of mine I have a wig on. Yes. What I think is great is the glasses. Yes. I have glasses with no lenses in. They're just plastic frames. I'm about to post one of me with a fupa. And if you don't know what that is, just figure it out. Identical Charlie Weiss.
Identical Charlie-wise. I'm going to put a caption myself. The caption is, wow. This is back when I was doing nights for Rock 105. And the photographer thought, hey, it would be a great idea to take pictures of you because you're so controversial in front of a XXX movie theater. Awesome. One that you must be very proud of today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So go ahead and take a look. One that you're very excited for your kids to see. Oh, yeah. Someday. Yeah. Oh, Lauren, your first one, you look beautiful. Yeah, that one's not bad. I can't see what they are. They're all labeled. Look at that, Woods. She's a piece. Look at that. Of course. That's like in my redhead days. You're not red. Look at this, Ella B. You're blonde in that picture. No, that's like a reddish hair. It is? That's brown hair grown out to red. All right. That one's not. See, I can't see the little icons on my computer. So you don't know what you're sending?
Jays are going to rock your world. They're going to freak you out. Now. This tool. Here, listen to this. Tool? When did I become a tool? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who you are. The reason that this is great is you're getting to see back in the 90s what was fashionable. Yes. Was it? It wasn't. I lived in the 90s. You lived in the 90s. That wasn't fashionable. It looks like Jay designed his own. All of LOBs are hot. Look at me. I'm so. These are so bad. Excuse me. I have like a wig on. That one is a little weird. But the other one. That one's a little embarrassing. I think the glass. Oh, there's a headband one. Amazing. Jay's are Vanilla Jay. Yeah, Vanilla Jay. He's Vanilla Jay. Brat Pack Jay. Oh, brat, dude, dork pack. Dork pack. It's full on Corey Feldman. Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Dream a Little Dream, License to Drive, the whole bit. My computer's goofing up. Here's the last one.
That headband was pretty good. I just posted one of me with glasses. This last one that I posted is the only one I could find from that creep in Oceanside. Oh, you found one. Yep, but this one must have been the only one that didn't really creep me out. Now, when she says the creep in Oceanside, she's talking about a guy that she responded to on Craigslist that would take free headshots. Yep, and you can tell by my face how uncomfortable I am. Oh, God, yeah, you can. You're terrified. He also made her get on her knees in the kitchen and turn and look back behind her. Oh, you didn't just mishear what Wood said. Wood said, in the kitchen. I'm a linoleum. I must have been so creeped out by it because that's the only one I could recover, that one of me standing there against the wall, which you can see is of no professional quality. It's just me standing there. Looks like you're home for Christmas. Oh, L-O-B. I must have deleted all the other ones he sent me because I got so creeped out. If you'd like to see these humiliating pictures, go to Facebook.com slash Mikey Show.
Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. Jay, what about you? They're uploading as we speak. Probably a lot of... Oh, man. His are funny. Mine aren't that bad. His are hilarious. Mine are hideous. Where are they, Mike? They've sent. Let's see. Yeah, they sent. You can send them right to Facebook? Yeah. I have an address to send them. Oh, my. Easy, Don Johnson. Holy cow, you have a white jacket on. Oh, boy. Jorts. White socks. Crotch shot. White socks. Crotch shot. Yeah, what is that, Mike? You're just wanting people to look like right into your crotch? You thought that would be cool? Oh, sweet Jesus. That's unbelievable. You are something else, my friend. Well, they'll show up. It's my stupid face all over the place. Jay's, though, there's nothing like that. Oh, his is the icing on the cake. Yeah. I'm icing them up real good right now. Why is it taking so long for you? I don't know because they're such high res. I'm trying to figure out how to flip them sideways. They're all vertical. Oh, boy, with Jay. Can't they be flipped once they're on Facebook? Maybe so. I'll just post it. Jay-Z just reopened his sports bar 4040 because the refrigerator there got up to 60 degrees. Oh, no. And...
They said that the people that worked there weren't washing their hands properly. Oh, gosh. I would go there because now I'm of the belief after an airline has a crash, best time to fly. Because now they want to get their act together. Yeah, that's true. So now you think you get really good quality stuff. Absolutely. I saw a documentary on... It was like... Cities. It was like how people in the city live. Yeah. And it was, there's more rats than there are people. That's true. In New York City. And it shows, there's cameras on them like at night. They just like kick it. Like they'll scurry in as soon as like the dumpster goes out and the doors close is when they start to like come into the restaurant. And then once they're in there for like an hour or so, they're just literally like lounged back, just chilling. So that's the best time to go and exterminate them. Eight million people in New York, by the way. All the restaurants in New York City just rots running rampant. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Isn't that hideously filthy? Yeah. Hideously filthy. Yeah. I used to live close to the beach, and they would run up and down the stairs at night as soon as the nightfall went. When I used to take the garbage out in Chicago at the bar, I would have to kick the dumpsters to make them scurry. Was that at the... Damn it. Was that...
When you were a bartender at that gay nightclub, the Mashed Potato Club. It was a gay-friendly nightclub. By gay-friendly, do you mean it was completely gay? I mean there were murals on the wall of two gay men, and there was a mural on the wall of two gay women, and there was a mural on the wall of a man and a woman. So it was kind of come one, come all. Seriously, that's what it was. Oh, that's creepy. I have a legitimate question. Okay, go ahead. When you worked at the Mashed Potato Club, was that rainbow bandana over your crotch, was that mandatory? Or was that just like something you did for tips? It's a great question. They're legitimate questions. First of all, to clear up any misconception, there was no rainbow bandana. It was black pants and a black button-down. Oh, there it was. Just serving up Cosmos. Can I get you, man? I'll take two Cosmos. Okay, you got it. Sex on the Beach. Okay. Got it. And... Your phone number. Are you making drinks with both of your hands? Are they shakers? I don't think they're shakers. Whoa, you have two guys standing over your shoulder? Maybe the biggest turn-on I've ever seen in my life. Two hands, no waiting. Two guys standing over. Oh, boy. I'm shaking cocktails. That's what I said. I can't see too well. Is that Tom Cruise over there? I have a legitimate question. Okay. As long as it's legitimate. This is a legitimate question.
When you worked at the Mad Potato Club. Yes. And they had that item on the menu called the Stiff Woods. Was that named for you? Or was that like before you came? Yes. A legitimate question. What was up with the Stiff Woods? It was a treat. Everybody really enjoyed it. Hi, Steven. Hello, Bill. It's good to see you again. It's great to see you. Good to be seen. Can I get it for you? Well, first, a little convo. Okay. Question. Yes. So I guess I just give my business card out and you ignore it. I didn't really know what you wanted. Well, usually when one gives their business card to someone and it's got a phone number on it, you use it. And I'm checking my phone here and I haven't received a call yet from one Stephen R. Woods. Well, this is the Mashed... Potato Club. Yes, it is. Maybe I was going to mash some potatoes. Oh, that's disgusting. My girlfriend, Mary Ellen, wanted to know. You don't have a girlfriend named Mary Ellen. I'm Mary Ellen. I'm the catcher. Got to go real good. Well, there's that. That ended the fun. Did it? Thanks, Jerry. Kind of pulled the e-brake on that one. Your mouse is awesome. Yeah, it works. Hey, you got to go the opposite way with it. Oh, is that the deal? Yeah, it's the opposite way you think.
Sometimes you want to pump the brakes and sometimes you just pull up real hard. That's what I was trying to do. I'm the catcher. I mean, really? That's your idea? That's what you contribute? That's your contribution. That's your contribution to the bit. That's your subtle contribution. We're sitting here doing improv and Jay decides that I'm a catcher. You're the catcher. Hey, I'm gay too. Homosexual. Oh, God bless, Jay. That guy is unbelievable. Get it, we're talking about gay. Yes, we got it, Jay. G-A-Y, G-A-Y. We got it. Gosh. Homo jokes. Jay. Homosexual jokes. What, what, what? Gay lifestyle. Jay.
I almost said something that was going to get us fined. I'm glad I censored myself as Jay. Unlike Jay. I thought I did censor myself. Did you? I'm a cancer. Subtle. He's the king of subtlety. Yes, he is. Thank you. Subtle is a heart attack. Call us with words right now for the Incorporator. Give us words for the Incorporator. Where are we calling Jay? It is a feed store. All right, that's coming up next. Is the Mikey Show on FM 94.9. I want to tell you about AIS. I have been with AIS for about a decade. I love AIS and what they can do for M1s. It's the reason that I have stayed as one of the endorsers with AIS and why I consider myself so lucky to have them be.
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performing arts, science, social science, and vocational technical. $1,000 scholarships will be awarded, and one lucky scholarship recipient will win a new Ford vehicle. The deadline to apply for a Ford Salute to Education scholarship is February 17th. Applications are available from all San Diego County Ford dealers and on the website at www.salutetoeducation.com. For more information, call 619-521-2404. Hi, I'm Ralph Rubio. I'm proud to announce that we've created a new take on my original fish taco, the avocado cornfish taco. It's sustainable Alaska pollock, beer battered by hand, and then topped with a delicious mix of fire-roasted corn, peppers, onions, and buttery Haas avocado. It's another taste in tacos that you can only get at Rubio's, and we think you'll love it. The all-new avocado cornfish taco is only available at Rubio's. Roofing contractors. Here's a better way to build your business. GAF's new lifetime roofing system. It gets your customers a lifetime limited warranty when you install any GAF lifetime shingle and three or more qualifying accessories. The roof stands up to wind, water, and time while giving you a competitive advantage and your customers peace of mind. Get the GAF lifetime roofing system at the Home Depot. GAF shingles. Quality you can trust. See limited warranty for complete coverage and restrictions.
I just got 4G LTE from AT&T here in San Diego. And let me tell you, it's crazy fast. Like living in the future fast. Up to ten times faster than 3G. My roommates can't keep up. Ooh, Jenny, did you hear... That Barbara has an extra ticket to the concert? Lisa, that's so 42 seconds ago. I already downloaded it from the link she sent me. Oh, great. Lisa will forget about that ticket soon. See, about 52 seconds ago, her boyfriend changed his relationship status to single. She doesn't know that yet, but she will in three... Two, one. AT&T Rethink Possible. Introducing AT&T 4G LTE in San Diego with speeds up to 10 times faster than 3G. Come in now and get the Samsung Galaxy S2 Skyrocket 4G LTE smartphone for free when you purchase the Samsung Galaxy Tab 8.9 for $479.99. Visit att.com or store for details. Limited 4G LTE availability in select markets. Tablet and smartphone each require a new two-year service agreement with qualifying monthly data plan. Other charges and restrictions apply. Fox Monday's new night of drama is so incredible, we don't need one of those gravelly-sounding voiceover guys to sell it. But it does sound much cooler. First, House is back and all new. With the episode that asks, who is sicker? House is patient. He has no heartbeat. How can he not be dead? Is it just me or is that weird? Or House. I have a patient who's asexual. I think we don't want it dead or lying.
What? Then, the critics all agree, amazing, intriguing, weird quote. Where are we? I'll get your ass. For over 100 years, no one ever escaped The Rock. Welcome to solitary. Just you and yourself, 24-7. No! Until the night they all vanished. This is a manhub. It's your job to find me. It's like we're chasing a ghost. From the imagination of J.J. Abrams, it's the new hit series, Alcatraz, after the return of House Fox tonight. It all starts at 8 on Fox 5. Then stay tuned for the Fox 5 News at 10. There's nothing like knowing someone's got your back, especially that someone is Navy Federal Credit Union, serving the military and their families at over 200 branches worldwide with 24-7 accessibility by phone and online. It's superior service and convenience. We're not a bank and more than just a credit union. See why it's better to belong at Navy Federal than to bank anywhere else. If you or your family are in the military or DOD, join today at NavyFederal.org. Federally insured by NCUA. Every day it's the same old thing.
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Small change. Yeah, because if you don't, we're going to make a whole lot of noise. Right, boys? Most restaurants open late. Many open 24 hours. Limited time offer. Price of single item posted on menu board. Prices and participation may vary. Now at McDonald's, 32-ounce large soft drinks are only 69 cents. Quench your thirst with a 32-ounce large Coca-Cola or choose from a variety of icy cold soft drinks for just 69 cents. Only at McDonald's for a limited time. See your Mercedes-Benz dealer of San Diego County. Visit Mercedes-Benz of San Diego, Hoenn Motors in Carlsbad, and Mercedes-Benz of Escondido. This report, it's brought to you by Brandman University. It's a non-profit school. Brandman University is fully dedicated to your success. Call 1-800-275-9700 and you can learn more. Well, the freeway is starting to get a little busy now. Looks like the 805 northbound, that seems to be the busy spot. El Cajon Boulevard to the 94 east, we're looking at speeds between 45 to 30 miles an hour. The 163 southbound side from 6th Avenue to Robinson Streets at 27 miles.
an hour. And it looks like we've got a new problem here. This is on the 15 northbound before Claremont Mesa Boulevard. It's a trailer hitch that's in the number one lane. This report brought to you by Tully's Coffee. Discover a better commute with a rich, slow roasted cup of Tully's Coffee. Taste why they say the slower the roast, the better the cup. Now available in bags and K-cup packs for Keurig brewers. Tully's Coffee, worth discovering. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. This is Bird from Bird Surfshed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for a Monday morning. Brought to you by Joe Roper's Surf Pool Repairs right down there on Marina Boulevard. Today under cloudy skies, we do have some surf out there. That west-northwest is on the fade, but a new strong one pulsed in last night. That's keeping all areas plenty of size today. Chest, shoulder, high waves on average. Overhead plus at the standout spots. Starting off pretty slow this morning, though, with that mega high tide, so you have to play that tide game once again. Cloudy skies will greet you, but pretty clean conditions look like light offshores. As the tide drops down, expect partly cloudy skies, maybe a chance of some rain even, too. Then it should clear up by late in the afternoon. Those winds, though, starting off out of the east-southeast this morning will slowly clock around more onshore.
So try to take advantage of the cleaner conditions that we have right now. For up-to-the-minute surf reports forecast, go to surfline.com. And for surfboard repair restoration deeds, go see Joe Roper on Marina Boulevard. The authentic surf report can be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Come on, man, wake up. Good morning. Wake up. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. For those of you that have never seen me, I'm a short, chunky guy. Woods. I just try not to be. The dirty, creepy pig in my head. Lauren. Do you have coconut water? And Jay. I'm wearing cargo shorts right now. On FM 94.9. Has said no less than five humiliating things to me during the commercial break. Our 19-year-old phone screener, Nicole, dying laughing. Yeah, the whole time she goes, oh my God, look at this little Mikey. I think the most embarrassing one is the one that I was the most...
proud of. The one with the rolled up sleeves. The white jacket? No, no, no. The rolled up sleeves. Because I was working out and I had my chest puffed out. You puffed it up real good. I commented, you missed a few buttons. A different one. I only saw two. Oh, no. There's three. This one, he's looking all hard-ass, but then you could tell he took the time to roll his sleeves up. You have no room. Jay, you can't say a word ever. I never used any of mine. You look like a wizard. The only place that one of those ever got hung was in my mom. My mom hung it up at her house. Every time I'd go there, I'd go, Mom, please take it down. You and your ponytail. I had a ponytail for a long time. Easy, Screech. You can't get on me. Oh, my. I can't. I. Well, you can. Yeah. In one of them, I've got my shirt buttoned down so you can see my chest. Oh, yeah. That's what I said you missed. And your legs wide open. Yeah, my legs spread open. It looks like a hustler ad. It's an upshot to your crotch. Yeah. White socks. Yes. Look into my wiener. Looking like I need a... Like, it looks like I just got stopped. The cop said, stay right there. Sit on the curb. Sit on the curb. Stay right there. And you... And... Hey.
And I need to see a green card. Immediately. That's the two things I need. I need you to sit down. Don't move. I need to see your green card. And after you showed him your papers, that's the face you were making. Yeah. What now? At least in this picture, you can tell you're not packing. Well, thank you, Sinbad. Judges give that joke. Three and a quarter stars. Oh, man. Oh, man. Guy's really something today, isn't he? Comedic role? Yeah. Oh, my God. I can tell you're not handsome from this photo. Look at this. You can start to see the beginnings of fat. You're ugly. You get it, Mike? You got a tiny wiener. Hey, this one's not good. You look like S in this. Get it? This is stupid. You're stupid. The picture's stupid. Mike, you're just stupid. And then there's the gorgeous pictures of L.O.B. I know.
That are what? Supposed to be embarrassing? So embarrassing. Oh my. They're not from that. They're only from a couple years ago. But first of all, I have one with a headband where they're blowing my hair back. Looks like a lion's mane. Yeah. Then I have a wig on that looks like someone said Angelica Houston. Snow White. Yeah. And then the other one, I have glasses with... It's a velvet blazer and glasses with no lenses. And puffy lips. That was a makeup artist. Don't take this the wrong way. Seriously, don't. This is legitimate. You look like you've lost weight since then. Since the Snow White picture. I looked at it and I go, that doesn't even look like it. No, it was just square. Gosh darn it. I have not. What a rude. That's not rude. I'm saying she looks good. You look fantastic. What an insensitive, just really. Lauren. Lauren. Yes. I am so sorry. He's a D. I am so sorry that my friend Woods is calling you fat, number one. I'm not. Number two, I think you look great. Thank you. I do too. You know. Very foxy. Gosh. Now I know. No, you haven't. What's that say about me now? Gosh. Oh, man. Wow, Woods. I really didn't expect that kind of thing from you. I hate you.
You used to be such a nice guy. Yeah, that's... I thought you were going to say something like porn star or something like that. Something like that. All right. Oh, I just... I agreed with you before I heard what you said. Weird. Oh, yeah. You got to leave the room, Woods. It's time to do the Incorporator. So the Incorporator is where we will call someplace and Woods will have to... incorporate words that were given to us by m1s into a sentence or into a conversation we're calling a feed company and i don't know what voice woods is going to do i don't know but this is what you need to know as you listen to it the person on the line can hear woods but they can't hear me so i will feed him these words and he's got to incorporate the words into the conversation I always give him the first word. The first word is going to be catcher. The first word is catcher. So when he calls this feed shop, that'll be the first word. Again, they cannot hear me. They can only hear woods. All right. So we had M1s call in a bunch of words. I'm going to give you those words so that as you're in your car at home, you can play along knowing that these are the words he's going to have to say.
Catcher is the first word. Makes sense. Then luxurious, Morse code, sock puppet, iceberg, rocket fuel, ladle, and tuxedo. Good words. Yeah, some great words. He might make a face at sock puppet. He will definitely make a face at sock puppet, and he might make a face... No, that's it. What's a sap bucket, by the way, Mike? I messed that word up. Woods wasn't here, so I had to do it for him. All right, Woods, get in here. Come on in. Ready? I just heard an L.O.B. cackle from outside the soundproof door. All right, are you ready for your first word? You get the first one. First word is. First word is catcher. Are you ready? Phones work now, by the way. You ready? Woods, not me. This is Paul. How can we help you? Hi, Paul. My name is Bryce Torse. I was calling for a couple of reasons today. I am looking for a lot of feed. Okay. A lot of feed. You sound very busy. Are you very busy, Bill? No, I can help you out.
Okay, great. Well, I just finished reading The Catcher in the Rye, and I was inspired. I was inspired, and what I want to do is take care of animals. So that's why I'm calling. Excellent. I've got a very luxurious home, but the yard needs some work before I'm going to bring some animals in. Morse code. Okay. Now, how does it work? You know, I'm a novice when it comes to taking care of animals. Now, do you have, what types of feed do you have, Bill? Well, we got everything from horse feed, poultry feed, sheep and goat feed, cattle and calf feed. Ooh, sheep and goat. It's just, you know, all about. Now, if I want to make, can I make an order online or do I send Morse code or smoke signals or how does that work? You can get a phone. We got a website, NC feed, and you can just. Go right there or, like I said, you can do it over the phone. Just tell me what you're looking for. Like, what kind of, you know, livestock are you looking to raise? Well, you know, listen, I want real animals. I'm not going to do, like, sock puppets and things like that. I want real stuff. I want goats. I want sheep, obviously, and I want cattle. Okay. Well, you know, that's kind of for advanced people. I recommend kind of going for, you know. Maybe I start with a fish.
Well, that's a good start, but, I mean, you know, if you're looking to get into the bigger animals, the bigger... Very much. What about iceberg lettuce? Would they be able to eat that, or should I not try to feed them from my own refrigerator? I don't recommend feeding them, you know, regular people food. What about rocket fuel? No, I don't recommend rocket fuel at all. Now, listen, when I'm feeding them, Bill, do I... Use a ladle or like a big cup? No, no, no. There's plenty of scoops that we sell and we have in stock here. They're for the feed. You don't want to ruin your cups and everything like that with the feed because there's plenty of stuff that they can eat that we really can't eat. Sure, sure. So we've got plenty of scoops and feed accessories there for you. Okay. Well, I'm going to need to... Change clothes. I'm in a tuxedo from last night. I was at a party. So let me change. I'll put my overalls on, and I'll be in shortly. All right. Thank you, buddy. Uh-huh. Okay, Bill. Oh, my God. What is wrong with you? We're just losing it. He was losing it through the whole thing. You know, he said, this is Paul, and you called him Bill the whole time. I did it on purpose. I was dying every time he said Bill.
That's what was getting me too. He was like, okay. I didn't think you were going to get that last word out. That was so toughy. Oh my gosh. That was fantastic. That's fantastic. That is fantastic. I would have changed out of my tuck. I'm wearing a tuxedo. I was at a party last night. So let me throw on my overalls. I like how he said, can I feed him Rocket Field? He goes, I wouldn't recommend that at all. Okay. Okay. All right, fine. Then I won't. Oh, my belly hurts. Oh, man. Dude, that was good. I almost had to call it off. I almost had to give you the cut, cut, cut, cut. Oh, that was good. Tippy-toe. Tippy-toe, tippy-toe, tippy-toe.
So you're going to like this. I found this pretty interesting. There's a bunch of movie lines that we think they say. They don't actually say that. Field of Dreams. What's the big line from Field of Dreams? If you build it, you are correct. Most people say, if you build it, they will come. That's what I've always said. I say it. It's about his dad. His dad will come. That's the whole point. I missed that whole point. Yep. In Casablanca, people think that he says, play it again, Sam. Right. That's like world famous. It's everyone says, play it again, Sam. Yeah. Play it again, Sam. Play it again. He doesn't say that at all. If you watch the movie, what he says is, play it once, Sam, for old time's sake. There you go. Play as time goes by. Huh. How did it turn into play it again, Sam? I don't know. But we all say play it again, Sam.
Empire Strikes Back, when it is revealed that Darth Vader is Luke's dad, how does he say it? Luke, I am your father. That's what I thought. That's what everybody thinks. He does not say, Luke, I am your father. Come on. He says, Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father. And then Luke Skywalker says, he told me enough. He told me you killed him. And Darth says, No. I. Always thought he said Luke. I am your father. Made me want to see it again. Just doing that. Obi-Wan. I just like saying that. In Silence of the Lambs. We think that he says, Hello, Clarice. But he doesn't. What? What does he actually say? Good evening, Clarice.
We always say, hello, Claudia. Right. Hello, everybody. Every time. Migs in the next hour. What did he say? Gross. You're fond of Nivea's skin cream. Not today. Myself cannot. In the movie A Few Good Men. Oh, yeah. What is Jack Nicholson's big famous line? You can't handle the truth. Well, what we think. The movie says is, you want the truth, you can't handle the truth. I know the answer, actually. I do, too. What is it, L.O.B.? It says, you want the truth, I want answers. You want answers? It actually goes like this. I'm entitled to them. Jack Nicholson says, you want answers, to which Tom Cruise says, I want the truth. And Jack Nicholson says, you can't handle the truth.
I do things that people like you have no idea. You want me on that wall. You need me on that wall. That's pretty good. You just weakened the country today, son. Little P words like you can go to sleep at night. Why is Charlie Sheen doing a few good men? That's all I got. You don't worry about it. The better question is why was Richard Dreyfuss Luke in Star Wars? This is what I need to know. In the movie Dirty Harry. Don't we all think that he says, do you feel lucky, punk? Yep. Don't we all think he says? He doesn't say that. I know it. What do you think he says? You feel lucky. Well, do you, punk? That is correct, Woods. Yes, sir. That's why I don't quote Dirty Harry. That's why. That's why you don't quote Dirty Harry. You see, this is a .45. The most powerful handgun in the world. Can blow your head clean off. So you got to ask yourself one question. Do I feel lucky? Brilliant. Mrs. Robinson. Everybody remembers the film Mrs. Robinson. Oh, yeah. Everybody thinks that Dustin Hoffman says, are you trying to seduce me, Mrs. Robinson? He didn't say that. He says, Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me, aren't you? Which just doesn't sound as cool. Chances Jay saw that at the drive-in.
100. Yep. Chances Jay was best boy or gaffer on that film. He was the boom operator. Yep. Key grip. In the movie Wall Street, do we believe that we remember the line, greed is good? Do we? I know what it is. What is it? Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. He says, the point is, ladies and gentlemen, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Yep. We've seen that seven billion times. The Wizard of Oz. We're not in Kansas anymore. Yeah, that's it. Never said. This doesn't look like Kansas or something like that. Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore. Wow. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves is the last one. We think that it's mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the fairest of them all? Nope. Magic mirror. Oh. The wall. Really? Look at you. How does that get changed? I don't know. And how does it become standard with all of this? It does, though. It somehow does. Like, we all think that that's the deal. Casablanca blew me away. Play it again, Sam. Never said. Never said. Play it once, Sam, for old time's sake. Hmm. Feast on that. So feast on that. Let's see. I got a text here that says...
Mikey, the guy I'm dating told me that he's into Pilates. What the... I don't get it. What's Pilates? I know the word, Pilates. People that fly planes. No, it's Pilates. I've heard it. What is it, though? It's an exercise thing. It came from when ballerinas were off. It's kind of like yoga, but more like strengthening. It's for your posture and stuff like that. It's usually machine-assisted. Isn't it a girl thing? Because I'm guessing that's why she said it. Way, way, way more girls. No. Just like in ballet, there's way more girls. Yeah. And cheerleading. Yeah. No. Ice skating. No, no, no. Gymnastics. Jay, do you do Pilates? I haven't done Pilates yet, but my wife is gone for the first time, and now I'm going to go as soon as I get a chance. Oh, boy. You know why? There's a bunch of ladies bent over in there. That's why Jay's going. That's the only reason I'm going. It's good for my back. My doctor tells me to go. You want to go because you want to look at girls. Yeah.
I mean, that's a perk for sure. But if by perk, you mean the soul, an entire reason. So your back hurts right now? Yes. It's because you need to stretch. I need Pilates. Pilates is like strengthening. Strengthening and stretching. I couldn't do it because I can't do it. I wonder how this girl didn't realize before he told her that he was Pilates guy. Because you're either Pilates guy. It takes a certain kind of guy. Aren't you either Pilates guy or you're not Pilates guy? More on the feminine side. Jay is. Yeah. Remember Crush It? Yeah. Big man? Huge yoga guy. He goes to the same yoga class I go to all the time. That's great. We're not talking about yoga. It's the same thing. We're talking about something called Pilates. Do you remember your friend Vince? Yeah. He used to go to the gym and lift weights. Hey, Lauren. I don't know. Wouldn't you say the same thing about Pilates? Do you know our friend Mark Bauman? Yes. You know what he does? What? He jumps rope. That's different than Pilates. We're not talking about Pilates. Here's the question. She says the same thing about yoga. She says about Pilates. She says it's a girl thing. It is.
And neither one of them are. Yes. Definitely more women do yoga. More. And it just takes a certain type of guy. Our class is equal in men and women. I've never been to a class of equal men. Bunch of creeps. The guys. Well, the only thing I've ever associated the word Pilates with is chicks. Yeah. But, hey, listen. This girl wants to, she obviously thinks it's weird. I had a male instructor. In what? Pilates. It was a dude teaching the Pilates? Yeah, I think he used to work at the Mashed Potato Club. Yeah, he had a boyfriend named Brad. 100%. The Pilates Studio Bias is owned by a man. He has a big studio, and he's normal as ever. Hey, Woods. Yeah. Do you remember that time that you worked at the gay nightclub called the Mashed Potato Club? I do. It was a gay-friendly nightclub. When you worked there, did you ever do Pilates? I did not. Never. Unless Pilates you equate to making love to waitresses, then yes, I did Pilates. Yeah, but the waitresses' names were Bruce. Yeah. M1 Greg from RB, are you there? I am. What were you calling to say? You know, I heard back in the day that Brad Tate used Pilates to get him in shape for Troy. Oh, really? He's an actor. Different breed. Yeah, it's different. It's different. It's like Jay.
You're like a certain sort of weird fetish. She's a fetishist, metrosexual. Metrosexual, yeah. When we come back, you're going to hear a Marine screaming like a girl on a ride called the Giant Slingshot. And it is delightful. Just a couple. FM 94.9
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This report also brought to you by the 99 Cents Only Stores. Fall in love with 99 Cents Only Stores Valentine gift ideas. Get fine European box chocolates for only 99.99 cents. Save more. Shop 99 Cents Only Stores first. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to The Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't have any, you know, athletic ability. Lauren. I worked at Comic-Con. Woods. I, to my credit. Steve Woods have a hole in one. And Jay. I love that sappy movie. On FM 94.9. It's the Mikey Show. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the program. 41 years old. Woodsy is our sports guy. He is 36. Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as L.O.B., is our assistant producer. She is 31 years of age. Jay is our producer, he's 48, and our phone screener is 19-year-old Nicole. If you're an M1, you're a Mikey Show listener, you listen to us exclusively. You're making new M1s all the time. When you call into the show, you turn your radio down, get to the point, and don't cuss. Our good friend Jared over at createyourdesignonline.com is amazing. If you want to have a website made, he is the guy.
createyourdesignonline.com. He also does business cards and anything you need graphic design. Woods, what's going on with some of the vacancies in professional football coaching? Yes, sir. Well, it looked like yesterday the Tampa Bay Buccaneers were close to making a hire. It was going to be Chip Kelly from Oregon was going to be the man. They said contracts were being finalized. Now it has come out today, just now, that that is not going to happen. He is staying at Oregon. The other person that the Bucs interviewed was Marty Schottenheimer. Really? Who was the Chargers' old coach. But Chip Kelly would have been a good hire. He is a great, great football coach. Also, Colts owner Jim Irsay says that they will decide on a new head coach by next week. He put it on his Twitter. Oh, wow. So, haven't really been many names about who they want. But they've got bigger decisions than that. They've got to figure out what they're going to do with Peyton Manning. Yeah, they do. Do they pay him $28 million or let him go? See the Peyton commercial for Papa John's? Yeah, yeah. This guy's got to work. Yeah, guy's got to work. He's flipping coins real good. Pretending to be a referee, flipping the coin. So this viral video, it's going around the web right now. Oh, poor guy. I know, poor guy. He is a Marine. Just got back from Afghanistan.
He is on a roller coaster. The roller coaster is called the giant slingshot. And the poor guy asks for a countdown. He just wants a countdown. Don't surprise me. Don't do bits. I want to know when this thing. Give me a countdown. And so what you hear him screaming during this is complaining about the fact that he didn't get a countdown. Well, I'd rather be back in Afghanistan doing this. No, you wouldn't. Rings are almost collapsed. Here we go. Hey, can you give me, like, a countdown? You guys want a countdown before I go? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, God. Wow. That's outstanding. And again. Oh, man. That's outstanding. You guys just wanted a countdown. That's all. Just give me a countdown, you know? No way.
Well, I'd rather be back in Afghanistan doing this. No, you wouldn't. Ring's almost collapsed. Here we go. Hey, can you give me a countdown? What a monster. This guy's a jerk. Oh, my God. This guy seems like fun. Yeah, that is outstanding. People shooting at him, no big deal. Slingshot. Slingshot got him. Slingshot got him. I say get on the countdown. I don't want to know. Kobe Bryant, as you know, getting a divorce from his wife, Vanessa. And looks like he's going to be losing out on three of his Newport Beach mansions that are worth...
$18.8 million. I hope it was worth it. Really? Now, one of the mansions is a family home. The other one's where her mom lives. And then the third one was being constructed. He's worth $150 million. $75 million now. That's what they say. He's probably going to lose $75 million. Half. Seems fair. And he's still going to be on the hook for some spousal, child support. At least six figures a month. Easily. According to sources close to all of it, Kobe wants a quiet, no drama divorce that will give Vanessa whatever she wants as long as she doesn't go to the media and bad mouth them. Wow. $75 million. I think I could keep my mouth shut for $75 million. Yeah. I think I could. They got to work that out. Britney Spears, this is kind of a good news story. Britney Spears, her conservatorship.
is going to be dropped to get her ready for, she's getting married. Yeah. And apparently her dad is kind of going to bat for her and she's kind of fixed her life to the point where he wants to give her control of everything again. Good. Because when she had her breakdown in 2008, her financial stuff, her personal stuff, that was all taken over by her dad. Now it seems like she's gotten it back together to the point where they think they can do this. Good. Give it back to her, which is a good thing. Hopefully the guy she's marrying is a legit non-Kevin Federline type gentleman. Yes, sir. Earlier I was saying how Justin Bieber wants to take over Mark Wahlberg's role in the movie Fear. Remake it. Shocking. Remake the movie Fear. But they would have to tone it down. No. Roller coaster scene. No tattoo on the chest. They would have to redo it. Woods had a good point earlier. He's like, maybe do a different movie. Or did you say that? I'll be one of them. Maybe do a different movie. You said that he wants the same type of career transition that Mark Wahlberg had. Mark Wahlberg was like a rapper. Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Then he went on to become like a really good actor. And so Justin Bieber thought that.
That would be the best move for him is to remake a Mark Wahlberg movie because it worked for him. Somebody wrote on our Facebook page that they should have him be the girl. Yeah, that's not bad. That's a good call. Makes a lot better, more sense. That's a good call. Then they could leave the roller coaster scene in for sure. What's a roller coaster? You guys ready to play? That's a true statement. Now, the way that this works is I'm going to reach into this true statement jar, pull out a true statement, read it, and then the person that wrote it has to say. That's a true statement. No bottle of wine is worth more than $100, even the finest wine on earth. And that's a true statement. Wow, look at you. I believe that wine is a bit, and what I mean is fine wine. Does it taste good? Yes. Does it taste incredible? Yes. Is it worth $14,000 for a Pinot from blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah? genius. No. I agree. It's ridiculous. I agree as well. $100 bottle of wine for the most expensive wine there is. But doesn't it, as the other bottles disappear of it and you have that one left, doesn't it increase its value? I would just go get another bottle of wine. I'm never going to spend it. Jay wouldn't spend $7 on a bottle of wine. What's the most you would spend on a bottle of wine? I like two buck chuck. Two buck chuck. I mean, but we sometimes get an $8 bottle if we're really winging it. An eight?
Dollar bottle is a fancy night. How much would you pay? It's your anniversary. You and Kim are out. How much is the most you would go on a bottle of wine? We have paid. The most I would go, probably $30. Oh, gosh. So if it was your anniversary. Your 30th anniversary. And she sees this wine, and it's $150. There's no way. You don't know my wife. She would never pick a $150 bottle. She would go, she's just as cheap as I am. Really? Yeah, she is just as cheap as I am. So there's no way. We're saving for something we don't even know what we're saving for. We're saving. How about this one? Actors and actresses' relationships don't last because they're always kissing other people. True statement. I think Jay might be right. He hit on something there. I think he might be right. He could be right. Boy, it gives you, like, it gives you, you know, we always say that grass is always greener. Well, you're actually getting to put a little of that grass in your mouth. Right. You know, smell it and it's right there. Right. Yeah. All for the, all for art. Your craft. Yeah. Your craft. It's not your craft. Yeah. It was Brad Pitt's craft. Yes. To make out with Angelina Jolie while he was married to Jennifer Aniston. Right. This is craft. Yeah. Yeah, I think they just have to stay single. I think if you decide you're going to become like.
An actor or actress? Or just perpetually date. Yeah. Be like Clooney. Yeah. Or you do the bit where they go, see, that's why I'm married to an actor. Because he understands what I, he understands my craft. He understands that there's a lot of chemistry on those sets. I think the only time they can stay together is when their careers are ending. Why when they're ending? Because I think that they've kind of been through it all and it's not as exciting. They don't have as many different places to go. It seems like, you know. Oh, yeah. If they're old. Not old. That could be it, right? Yeah. 70. This one says you're never too old for peanut butter and jelly. That's a true statement. Yeah. It's easy. I can't imagine that somebody would think that you are. I wrote this a long time ago. I don't think anybody. Like 12 years ago? When you were 12, you wrote this. I don't think anybody would deny that. I ran out of that's a true statement. Just come to it. I mean, come on, everyone. Just lighten up on the peanut butter and jelly. All right, you ready? That is just, that was controversial. Yeah, you heard me. That was super controversial. Here's one. Most guys with ponytails are sex perverts. And that's a true statement. Now, hang on a minute. Now, hang on. Now, I do say most.
Guys, now there may be some guys out there that have a ponytail that are not a sexual pervert. Yeah. But if you're a ponytail guy, what are you up to? What are you into? What are you doing? You have a P.O. box if you have a ponytail. You have a P.O. box. You got a P.O. box. You have a pen pal somewhere that's a creep. Yes. I had this discussion, a similar discussion with my boyfriend, Mad Commerce, over the weekend. Who does not have a ponytail. He does not have a ponytail, but I saw a ponytail guy. And it was like Troy Palomalo, like huge. This guy had it out of the back of his hat. So you didn't see it from the front. And I was like, whoa. Now, what I don't understand with guys is like you make the conscious decision. You're like, I'm going to grow my hair. And you have the awkward in-between stage. And I'm going to keep growing that. But most of the time they put it back. In a ponytail. Yeah, in a ponytail because you're like, I don't want to deal with this hair. Well, maybe they're going to Starbucks, they want to put it in a baseball cap because they don't want to mess the makeup up. You put the ponytail in, you put the baseball cap, you just run to the store. Most guys with long hair nowadays, they put it back in a ponytail. So what's the point of having the long hair?
I didn't like it all over my face. So why not cut it? Because I wanted long hair. What do you want the long hair for? That's what I want to know. Because when he's driving his van, he thought it would look better. Like all the 80s hair metal guys, they all had long hair. I don't know. You were rock and roll if you had long hair. I think it's a counterculture statement. Everybody, yeah, exactly. Because the girls in high school, when I had my really long hair. My really long hair. It was really long hair. How long? It was like right there. Shoulder. Gross. And they were all like real preppy and everything, and I was not. Yeah, I think it's a counterculture statement. 19-year-old Nicole, would you ever date a guy that had a ponytail? Depending on how long it is. Let's say it's a ponytail that goes down to his butt. No. Our overnight guy, Jesse, has a ponytail down to his butt. What about a ponytail to the middle of the back? No. Have you seen the movie Domino with Karen Knightley? I haven't. Oh, okay. Never mind. Is there a guy in there with it? Yeah. And he has a ponytail. But I would date someone. Steven Seagal. Steven Seagal. It's a slick little ponytail. Disgusting. It's the most perverted thing I've ever seen. I have one for you. What's more perverted?
The long ponytail? Or the really short ponytail? I like the really short ponytail. You do not like it. Yes, I do. It was hard to keep. I had the short one in the picture. I do. Because most of the time, then they can take it down and I can mess with it. Because most of the time, they can take it down. Yeah. And you can mess with it? Yeah. If it's too long, I feel like I'm running my fingers through a girl's hair. But if it's just long enough for me to just muffle it. Who are you dating, Fabio? When's the last time you were just tussling? A lot of guys in college. Oh, wow. Had ponytails? Oh, that's weird. It's kind of like a hippie. I was never friends. I never rolled with the ponytail guy. Yeah, just doing ecstasy? Yeah. I mean, I did ecstasy, but I didn't roll with the ponytail guy. Yeah. Big curls. Curls are good. And then sometimes they get out of hand and you can throw them back in a ponytail. This is strange. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Damn it. A male cheerleader.
is a smart son of a gun. Yep, it's a true statement. Think about it. Yep, best man. Think about it. I'm not into sports, but he's got the best seats on the field. He's on the 50-yard line, right? Does he just, do you just journal ways to look at girls? Pilates, cheerleading, and there's a butt lift. You're doing the butt lift, you're doing the pyramid. If I were to do it over again, I'd become an OBGYN. Yeah, if I could do it all over again. That is not true. If I could do it all over again, all I would do is I would specialize in checking boobs. That's it. That's a good, that's a good. I'd be a mammogramologist. Yeah. Mammogramologist. I would be a magramagist. Mammogramagist. X-ray technician. All that guy thinks about is sex. And ways to look at girls. Ways to do it. My favorite is when they pick them up and they hold them by the palm of their feet because I like feet, number one. And I hold them up and I look up at their bloomers. And I look up there and I'm like, upskirt girl. All new reference to all access. You got field access. You got hot girl access. All new reference to all access. Makes sense if you think about it.
Does it? I thought about it. I love that man. I love him. Gosh. That brain goes so fast, and when it processes and it comes down out the mouth, it shoots right out of the mouth. Oh, my gosh. Let's just say it. That brain is just working. I think a good profession would be a male prostitute. That guy is smart. Otherwise known as a gigolo. Yeah. You know what's a smart guy? A guy that can somehow figure out how to be in a porno movie. That guy figured it out. A true statement. They're the Alfred Einstein of the 2000s. Yeah, here's my true statement. Guys in porn, they get tons of poon. That is a true statement. True statement, my friend. Well, yeah, Jay, but it's also just sort of common knowledge and just sort of... Boobs are on women. Hey, there's no peanut butter jelly sandwich. Oh, my stomach. Fair enough. Fair enough. Did I just not do the assignment or something? There's none of mine in there. Yeah, none of yours are in there. I think we pulled both my last time. Heidi Klum and Seal are getting a divorce.
They just called it quits. Did she wake up one morning? Oh my God, I'm married to Seal. I gotta get out of here. This is the statement, joint statement. While we have enjoyed seven very loving, loyal, and happy years of marriage, after much soul searching, we've decided to separate. We have had the deepest respect for one another throughout our relationship and continue to love each other very much, but we've grown apart. This is an amicable process, and protecting the well-being of our children remains our top priority, especially during this time of transition. We thank our family, friends, and fans. They're kind words of support. And for our children's sake, we appreciate you respecting our privacy. That's crap. What do you think, Jay? I think it's crap. Why? If you're doing the best thing that's for the kids, it's staying together. Staying together. Staying together for the kids. Yeah. Unless all they're doing is fighting in front of the kids. They have much love for each other and respect. They just said it. I think she got LASIK surgery, and now she can see clearly. You're so mean. And realize that she's Heidi Klum. Come on. And that he's Seal. Come on. That was what gave everybody hope. It was like she saw past everything. Julia Roberts was married to Lyle Lovett. Then she got LASIK surgery from Dr. Sandy T. Feldman.
Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. You can't say that, though. You can't say that. You can't make up that Julia Roberts went there. That's true. Maybe, well, she went to a place like Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Dr. Sandy T. Philbin. You'll probably get fined now. Hey, man. A suit. A suit. Maybe it's love? I don't know. Yeah. Maybe you're with them because of love. Oh, totally. And one of riches is on the line from Sorrento Valley. He's got something about the cheerleading thing, right? Yes. First, I want to say I'm so glad to hear you guys on the air this morning. Thank you. Thank you. My brother was a male cheerleader. And people thought, oh, my gosh, he's not straight. He was the smartest guy in the world because he was grabbing girls' booties. Booyah! And he was spotting them. And he's like, ha-ha. I get to grab her butt and you don't. And the guys were like, oh, you're so this. Although I would say this. I would say this. I think it would be funny in a sitcom. If I were writing a sitcom, I would have the male cheerleader guy say things like this. You guys are so stupid. This is the greatest way for me to meet women in the world. You have no idea how many girls I get because of this. Did any of the girls date him or were they all dating the football players? Oh, him. He was well-loved. Very well-loved.
Yeah, you guys can laugh all you want, but the bottom line is... I'm laughing all the way to the bank, and by the bank, I mean Laysville. I guess it's what you're willing to sacrifice for the Nookie. That's right. Well, I'm willing to sacrifice just about anything for Nookie with a girl. You did it all for the Nookie. I did it all for the Nookie, and... Oh, there's the woman I'm sexually attracted to. Thank you for the call. We appreciate it. My brother's college roommate. And one of his best friends became a male cheerleader. And he pretty much cleaned house, too. Did he? Yeah. Well, maybe there is some truth to it. Do you hear Stephen Tyler? Well, you decide. Did Stephen Tyler butcher the national anthem yesterday? You'll hear him sing it. He sang the national anthem before the Pats game. The Mikey Show. I like it. I like it. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. You're a nerd. More coming up in just a couple. FM 94.9. Fox Monday's new night of drama is so incredible, we don't need one of those gravelly sounding voiceover guys to sell it, but it does sound much cooler. First, House is back and all new. With the episode that asks, who is sicker? House is patient. He has no heartbeat.
How can he not be dead? Is it just me or is that weird? I have a patient who's asexual. Like you don't want it. Dead or lying. What? Then the critics all agree. Amazing. Intriguing. We're hooked. 100 years one ever escaped the rock. Welcome to solitary. Just you and yourself 24-7. Until the night they all vanished. This is a manhub. It is your job to find me. We're chasing a ghost. From the imagination of J.J. Abrams, it's the new hit series, Alcatraz, after the return of House Fox Tonight. It all starts at 8 on Fox 5. Then stay tuned for the Fox 5 News at 10. I believe I can do anything. So when it came to learning a new language, I knew I had to do it the way I learn. No books, no memorizing or translating. I wanted to learn the same way I learned my first language, naturally. That's why I chose Rosetta Stone. Rosetta Stone invites you to be a part of its biggest language learning event in history. Because in 2012, we want to help 3 million people learn a new language. That's why we're going to give you an absolutely free demo of our language immersion technology. To participate in this free nationwide event, just call 1-800-644-8667. Si yo puedo hacerlo, usted puede hacerlo.
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This report brought to you by H&R Block. With H&R Block, Office Online, Mobile, and Block Live, you can now prepare and file your taxes whenever, wherever, and however you like. H&R Block, never settle for less. Pretty big stretch of slowing here on the 94 westbound side from the 5 south to Home Avenue. Starts off at 10 miles an hour, progresses to about 22 miles an hour. Also looks like the 805 northbound, you've got some backup too. The 32nd Avenue, Adams area. all the way to the 15 north. It's about 29, 30 miles an hour. And you've got some delay over here, a traffic hazard, a stalled Jeep on the five northbound before Harbor Drive. This report also brought to you by Brandman University is a nonprofit school. Brandman University is fully dedicated to your success. Call 1-800-275-9700 to learn more. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Let's get to the point. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the program. I'm your diminutive friend. Woods. I am real talented, but I'm not stupid. Lauren. I accidentally had a piece of beef yesterday. Yes! And Jay. I like my coffee black. On FM 94.9. Cover the UT today. They're talking about how they think that the city needs to start thinking a lot bigger when it comes to the stadium thing. Quit trying to obsess over the fact that...
We had bad city government and that we couldn't sustain anything, including our own business. And, you know, they're laying out some plans that they think the Chargers and the city ought to take into consideration. And it's beautiful. I mean, if you look at it, absolutely stunning. We want to keep those guys here, man. Oh, yeah. Want to keep them here? Got to build a new stadium. Got to build a new house. I just like what it does, you know. For the looks of a city, too. I mean, I do think it just, I think it makes things nice to look at. People come here. They want to see it. Yeah. That kind of deal. Well, the good thing about San Diego is enough people come here already. Imagine, you know, what it will do for tourism, too. Yeah. Great. Yeah. Oh, boy. They'll probably root for the other teams. Yeah. Steven Tyler and the National Anthem yesterday. Yes. What? Blonde? Ass bombs. Ass bombs bursting in air. As blondes bursting in air. A. In defense to the community, the words are not ass bombs. Right. I mean, so for those that want to defend Steven Tyler, I can't defend that ass bomb.
Ass bombs bursting in air. Bursting in air. And isn't it true, Woods, that sometimes you forget the words when you're on the spot like that? Yes, that is true. Well, remember that time Woods was singing the national anthem and Jay came up behind him and what did he do? He tried to pants me. Tried to pants you. The sequence of events was Woods forgot the words, Jay pantsed him, he broke his foot in Jay's butt. Gave truth through the night. Kicking sound. Gave truth through the night. He really gives it to him. Yeah. He really gives it to him. They were booing whoever the chick was singing for the second game. Kristen Chenoweth. Yeah. I don't know why they were booing her. I thought she did a good job. She did. That's what she sounded like. She didn't suck. No. You know, that Steven Tyler.
You know who that sounds like? Sounds like Steven Tyler. Oh, what'd you guys expect? Yeah, I know. It sounds like freaking rag doll. You know what I mean? Wood says that he has a real and true addiction to Facebook. Yeah. Like, it's bad. It's real bad. He's seen the end of Facebook. Yes. He's seen the end of the internet. And more importantly, I've seen the beginning of Facebook. Yeah. What? How do you know that it's bad? Because I spent yesterday on Facebook all day. All day. And when I say all day, go to my page. And just look. It was ridiculous. All day? Just posting stuff? All day. And just talking to people about the games and debating. Here's one of the things I love to do. Is I love to talk sports. Lucky for me, I do sports on the radio. So kind of a good gig. I love to talk sports.
I will engage in 17, 18-hour conversations with people on Facebook. Friends, fans, people that hate me, whatever. I would... Are you looking at it? There's a thousand. He vague books, too. I did? Rough night for that kid. That's not vague. If you're watching the game, that's not vague. Yeah, but why the rolling commentary with the game? I don't know. Some girl said you need to do a live podcast during the game because we want to hear your... Commentary. I like to do commentary. Like, here it is 13 hours later. I don't know what that means. That's true. That's true. But during the game. During the game, it's like right after. I hate the rolling commentary during the game. I'm a rolling commentary guy. I block all those people from my news feed. I would be a good color man for, like, baseball because I can just do color. Question. Yeah. What would it be like if I said no Facebook for a week? I couldn't do it. Yeah, no way. No way?
Where I say, all right. His face is thinking hard. Social experiment. Be good for him. You shut up, dad. Get outside. I wonder if he would withdraw. Like, what would you do? I don't know. You guys, okay. My wife works till 630. You know, she gets home at like 630 or 7. Sometimes I get home at 930. That's a long time. I'm like. I'm bored. I like to, you know, I'm talking to people. And we're talking about movies and music and sports and like. What? And you're always talking. I'm always talking. And so I don't know what I would do with myself. Walk the dogs. He just cuts deep. He cuts deep. Maybe work on adopting a kid since you F that up last time. You can do that. Yeah, I would. Yeah. Maybe you hit up an Alcoholics Anonymous minute. Might be Andy. I don't know. Could I do it for how long? While I'm thinking about it, I'm like, what would it be like if we wanted you to go a week without it? Could I still wish people happy birthday? No. No, nothing. You can't look at it. You can't even look at it. I can't look at it? Let me take it off your phone. You have the app, right? I haven't agreed yet. I need to be walked through this. All right. I need you to walk me through it a little more. Okay, okay. Tell me what, give me any of my restrictions. It begins here. Everything. It begins like this. Okay. It begins with you handing your phone to me.
And I take Facebook as an app off of your iPhone. Yep. And the alerts, you got to stop the alerts from coming into your email. They don't. I don't get those. Unless somebody tags me is the only time I get them. Oh, that'll drive him crazy. That'll be fun. If somebody tags me, they come to my email. Otherwise, I don't get them to my email because it'd be a ton. So I take Facebook off of your phone. Ask yourself if you could do this. How long? Seven days. Seven days. Perfect. So until next Monday. Oh, wow. Look at the look. He didn't want to commit to it. What if the Yankees make a big trade or the Padres make a big trade? That happens on ESPN. I can't comment on it. I can't give my two cents. I'm a big two-cent giver. The kid loves to give his two cents. Oh, this is thrilling. Yeah? It's not. I'm sweating. It's not thrilling. Let me see. Will you let me? All right.
That means Facebook.com cannot appear in your web browser ever this week. We'll check it. Delete Facebook. Deleting Facebook will also delete all of its data. Delete. Look at that, Woods. It's gone. You'll probably get so much more done. Yeah. It's gone. Sleeping, eating. Lauren, you hate Facebook. What if you were to do it? Because I don't have an addiction to it. That's true. Woods has an addiction. I am able to... to walk away and come back when I need to and use it for what I need it for. She has a normal relationship with Facebook. Woods has what they call an unhealthy relationship with Facebook. It's very unhealthy. Addiction. Admittedly. I will tell him something like, oh, man, I saw on Facebook this thing. Yeah, I saw that. Can you believe they said that? Yeah. Here's my problem, too, is I troll. I troll. Boy, do I troll. God, I troll.
I troll and I look. Let's put you on the clock now. Gosh darn it. What did I just commit to? I can't do it. One week, no Facebook. I can't look at it? No, nothing. Nothing. Could you do it as you're listening? Could you do it? I just got 4G LTE from AT&T here in San Diego. And let me tell you, it's crazy fast. Like living in the future fast. Up to ten times faster than 3G. My roommates can't keep up. Ooh, Jenny, did you hear... That Barbara has an extra ticket to the concert? Lisa, that's so 42 seconds ago. I already downloaded it from the link she sent me. Oh, great. Lisa will forget about that ticket soon. See, about 52 seconds ago, her boyfriend changed his relationship status to single. She doesn't know that yet, but she will in three...
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Get fantastic deals and everything you need for your football weekend at Vons. Ingredients for life. Attention Express Scripts plan members from Walgreens. The Vons Pharmacy is here to help and welcomes you with friendly professional service. Right now, get a $25 reward coupon just for transferring your prescription. It's easy. We do all the work. Express Scripts. Always welcome at Vons. Medicare, Medicaid, and other government programs excluded. Other restrictions and exclusions apply. See pharmacy for details. Offer expires March 31st, 2012. Coupon good towards a future shopping trip of $50 or more. There are different types of fresh. There's youthful. And then there's category-defining, envelope-pushing, convention-breaking fresh. Like the 2012 Mercedes-Benz lineup, the youngest and freshest in the luxury car class. Consider the 2012 E-Class. With innovative technology features like Attention Assist and Distronic Plus, the E-Class now boasts a more powerful, fuel-efficient direct-injection engine. Get the 2012 E350 Sport Sedan, an IHS top safety pick, at 1.9% APR for 24 to 36 months, or lease one for just $5.99 a month for 33 months with $4,369 due at signing. A new year, a new level of innovation from Mercedes-Benz.
Available only to qualified customers exclusively through Mercedes-Benz Financial Services. At participating dealers through January 31st, 2012, some equipment is scrapped as optional. Call 1-800-FOR-MERCEDES for offer details. See your Mercedes-Benz dealer of San Diego County. Visit Mercedes-Benz of San Diego, Hoenn Motors in Carlsbad, and Mercedes-Benz of Escondido. Today, my journey to help save people money on car insurance brings me to the sunny state of California, which has over 840 miles of sandy beaches. So I've been brushing up on my surfing lingo in preparation. Wasabi, surfer bras and salty sisters? If you're jonesing to save sick money on car insurance, switching to GEICO could be hyper-fierce. Nah, nah. Slater, dudes. I think I've got it. To get a free rate quote, go to geico.com. Then buy online, over the phone, or at your local GEICO office. GEICO. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. State Route 1. Highway 1. PCH. Whatever you call it, it's the most picturesque highway in California. Which is even more picturesque now that GEICO has new low rates in California. There you are, cruising up the coast, the top down, the wind in your hair. And thanks to GEICO's new low rates, possibly saving hundreds of dollars on your car insurance, I could almost feel the wind in my hair. You know, if I had hair. To get a free rate quote, go to GEICO.com. Then buy online, over the phone, or at your local GEICO office. Jennifer Howdy was a woman on a mission. Yep.
Saving money for a Caribbean vacation. Undaunted by any obstacle. You flatter me. But with Navy Federal Credit Union's cash rewards credit card, I get cash back with every purchase. Skillful yet humble. You make everything sound so dramatic. And unafraid to speak the truth. Unafraid. I love it. Three and a half million members. Three and a half million stories. From every military branch, DOD, and their families. Navyfederal.org. Federally insured by NCUA. Every day it's the same old thing. All work, no play, and no free lunches. Well, at Harrah's Ring Con, break the routine. All you have to do is play 30 minutes, earn 25 reward credits, and you'll get a free buffet. There's no strings attached, just big, juicy pieces of prime rib. Offer valid from Sunday through Thursday, open to close. Harrah's Ring Con, come out and play. Must be 21 or older to gamble. Know what to stop before you start. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-522-4700. Owned by the Ring Con Band of Louis-Saint-Denis. Finished by H-Cal LLC. Copyright 2012. C-Search License Company, LLC. Fox Monday's new night of drama is so incredible, we don't need one of those gravelly sounding voiceover guys to sell it. But it does sound much cooler. First, House is back and all new. With the episode that asks, who is sicker? House's patient. He has no heartbeat. How can he not be dead? Is it just me or is that weird? Or House. I have a patient who's asexual. I think people don't want it. Dead or lying.
What? Then, the critics all agree. Amazing, intriguing, mere quote. Alcatraz. For 100 years, no one ever escaped the rock. Welcome to solitary. Just you and yourself, 24-7. No! Until the night, they all vanished. This is a manhunt. It is your job to find it. It's like we're chasing a ghost. From the imagination of J.J. Abrams, it's the new hit series, Alcatraz, after the return of House Fox Tonight. It all starts at 8 on Fox 5. Then stay tuned for the Fox 5 News at 10. With H&R Block Office online, mobile, and block live, you can now prepare and file your taxes wherever, whenever, and however you like. H&R Block. Never settle for less. This report brought to you by H&R Block. With H&R Block Office online, mobile, and block live, you can now prepare and file your taxes wherever, whenever, and however you like. H&R Block. Never settle for less.
Well, you've got some slowing different parts of the area. That rain has hit pretty much everywhere, so you're going to have to slow down. These roads are going to be slick. Just take your time. Looks like everybody's doing that. The 805 northbound Murray Ridge Road down to the 15 north. Speeds are about 18 to 26 miles an hour. Heading over onto the 94 westbound, you'll find delays from the 5 south to the 15 south. Let's pull you up over here on the 5 northbound. You've got some backup from the 80s to Washington Street. They're about 24 miles an hour. This report also brought to you by Applebee's Neighborhood Grill and Bar. Resolved to make your year unbelievable with Applebee's under 550 calorie menu. Great tasting meal starting at $9.99. Only at Applebee's. Come in. Try one today. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Good morning. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. Don't really like to swim. Unlike most Latinos. Woods. I can put down a 20 pack of chicken nuggets. No problem. Lauren. I got a little pepper up my nose. Had to sneeze. And Jake. No, I didn't cry. Come on, man. On FM 94.9. Let's listen to Barack Obama singing Let's Stay Together. He's doing a little Al Green. You ready to hear this? Yeah. All right, check this out. President Obama singing Al Green. Sorry, it's taking me a second. This is my fault, not theirs. Then to know that Reverend Al Green was here.
So in love with you. Those guys didn't think I would do it. I told you I was going to do it. I wish he'd give us more. I want more. It's hot in here. Yeah. Not bad, right? Guy just earned himself a second term in my book. Woods, people are really commenting, although you can't see what they're saying. Oh, my gosh. You should see the girls that are leaving comments. Oh, my gosh. That one girl? They're so gorgeous. L-O-B. Come look real quick, Woods. Changed Woods password. You let me do it. Smart. Changed Woods password. So even if he wanted to go on Facebook, he can't. I can be followed at Mikey Show Woods on Twitter. Is that going to be a good enough substitute for you? No. That's like saying, I really like steak and you're going to give me a beef jerky and go, hey, you never get steak again, but you get that. Yeah, you can't have.
Prime red, but here's a Slim Jim. Yeah. It's not going to be anywhere near a substitute. It's not the same. I can't troll on Twitter. I can't see what other people are saying about me. I can't see what competition is up to. I can't do anything. It'll be good. Yeah. What am I going to do for a week? What am I going to do today when I get home? You can rediscover all kinds of things. Like reading. Yeah. I do enough reading. Guitar. Treat yourself. To what? Just life. Treat yourself to life. To life, yeah. What do you mean? Hand-to-hand combat. Hand-to-hand combat? Like getting a gunfight? So you're saying that he gets into a fight with someone? With himself. Like punch himself in the face? That doesn't make any sense. That's like five minutes. Then what are you going to do? This is like a weird activity. Well, it is. Great activity. Going to war. M1 Nathan. is on the line from El Cajon. Hi, Nathan. How's it going, Mikey? Good. That's all right. Sounds very nice. Go ahead. I haven't really counted, but since I used Facebook. Oh, wow. Wow. How'd you do it? How'd you stop? Easy. To that point, for like three months, I had a girlfriend. Oh, boy. I never got that bad. I wasn't that bad. What are you, crazy? That's like shooting heroin.
Then, also, the thing that I think kept me on, like, after having the girlfriend and stuff, was that, uh, what's it called? The Zynga Texas Hold'em. Yeah, they'll get you. Why did you get off? What? Why'd you get off? Oh, okay. So, I had my girlfriend, and I was like, well, I originally got on this when it first came out, because I was like, oh, you're in college, you go on Facebook and get girls. And then I was like... Why'd you get off? Why'd you get off? Because I have a girlfriend, and... And I wasn't getting girls from the first place on Facebook. So I was like, geez, what's the point of this already? Like, now I have a girlfriend. So, like, I don't need to be on there that long. So now you have a girlfriend? I have a wife. So every guy that's on Facebook wants to cheat? Also, like, Farmville and Texas. Like, this is taking, like, four hours of my day, which I could be outside. Right. Actually farming. Yeah. You could be actually farming. So you got a girlfriend and you were like, eh. I don't need it. Yeah, like, what's the plan? I'm just going to spend more of my time hanging out with her. What am I going to do on the internet? That's a lucky girl. I am freaking out. Why is that a lucky girl? Because I think it's cooler when people are not on Facebook.
Because it is. It's a waste of time, and you're putting up pictures of yourself that you want people to comment on. But we all use it. Yes, but I think that the most self-confident people and the most people that, like, actually have other things to do are not on Facebook. And I'm not one of those people. I am a narcissist as well as insecure, and so I like the affirmation. Yeah. Gosh darn, what am I going to do without the freaking affirmation? I don't know. My funny little quips, I'm not going to get any taste back on them. I can do little quips. He's confident. He's like, I don't need you clowns to tell me that I'm... What about my quips? What about your quips? What about my quips? What am I going to do? You tweet them. I'm going to be quipless. I'm quipless now. I'm quippled. Now I am quippled. You are. Gosh darn it. M1 Steve from San Diego. Hey, guys. How are you doing this morning? Good. This is my first time actually calling a radio program, but I just wanted to tell Woods, you know, I mean, I'm 32 years old. And I'm actually, I'm really old-fashioned because I just, I don't like the way that society shifted nowadays. There was a time where, you know, a face-to-face conversation took priority over a phone call, took priority over a text message, you know? Sounds good, not true.
SG&T. I'm not going to have people. Hey, everybody come over to my house and we'll have a big face-to-face conversation about the freaking 49ers. Why not? They'll have lunch. Yeah, if you have lunch and you sit on your phone the whole stinking time. See, and listen, I'm with L.O.B. in that I'm insecure and need affirmation. I'm the same way, but. I don't hold anybody that doesn't go on Facebook in any higher esteem. No, do I do. I do not. I think they're trying too hard. No, I don't. I think they can't be bothered with it. I'm not saying I don't have a Facebook account, but what I'm saying is, I mean, I don't have a smartphone that I'm on all the time. Yeah, I do. And it's like, you know, with a smartphone now, you have access to information continually and perpetually. So it's like... If you're going around and you're addicted to that thing and you're on it all the time, then anyone that's around you at all, it's like you're kind of like you're tippity-tapping with your thumb. You're keeping like half an eye. That's crazy. That's why that's another lucky girl. She didn't have a distraction of him being on Facebook, looking at his updates. Look, if Facebook is like crack cocaine, I am buying an ounce of crack cocaine a day and smoking it. Question. Yes. How much would you pay? What if they said,
Woods, you can have Facebook, but it's going to cost you $20 a month. Done. You would do it. Done. Stop saying that. Oh, I'd be off there tomorrow. Done. L.O.B. would. No way. L.O.B. would be done. I'd pay twice that. What? You'd pay $40. That's insane. Would you pay $50 a month? Yeah. He'd leave. $50 a month. They're going to hear you. Oh, yeah. And they're going to start charging. $600 a year. I can handle that. Oh, my gosh. He'd have to get another job. I'd get a second job. Yeah. He'd gig. I'd do a gig. I'd do a gig. They should do that. If they do that, I'm out. I'm out. I'm all the way in. It would be no question. I'd be cold turkey. You're all bark, no bite. Yeah. If it were $50 a month, no way. You can't squeeze blood from a stone. But you promote your gigs on there. I'd find another one. She would rationalize it. She would say, hey, look, I need it. My gigs aren't paying me, though. Your gigs pay no? No. Not usually. Mine neither. Mine do, but that's because my gigs are, you know, in front of an entire orchestra, you know.
I have an orchestra that plays behind me and I sing. Lord of the Dance. Do Lord of the Dance. I don't know what the F I'm going to do for the rest of the day and the rest of the week, to be honest with you. What am I going to do this weekend? I don't know, but we're about to find out because Woods is off Facebook for a week. I'm going to go to the library and stock up. We have his password, so he can't get on when we're not looking. Oh, you monsters. You took it off my phone. I have nothing. If you see Woods, well, you can't. There's no way to get on. You follow me at Twitter at Mikey Show Woods. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next. Enjoy the rest of your day. The Mikey Show will come back tomorrow morning at 5.30 and do it all over again. The Mikey Show's up. Yeah!