All shows / Best Of Album - 2006 - What Do You Think Of The Name Shilo?
What Do You Think Of The Name Shilo -
Track 4 - Pucker, Pucker, Pucker
2006
Best Of Album - 2006 - What Do You Think Of The Name Shilo?KIOZRock 105.3
Michigan State footballNotre Dame comebacksports radio meltdowncoaching criticismradio sound dropsChargers jokesmichigan statenotre damesports radiomeltdowncollege footballchoking
Detroit sports host Mike delivered a hoarse, furious 15-minute rant after Michigan State squandered a lead and lost to Notre Dame. He blamed the players for choking, accused John L. Smith and the staff of chronic clock mismanagement, and attacked Chris Schmelin's defensive schemes. His co-host tried to slow him down and lighten the mood, but Mike insisted the loss was serious business. Eddie and the other hosts celebrated the meltdown as exceptional radio and mined lines such as “choked on applesauce,” “pucker, pucker, pucker,” and the Teddy Ruxpin comparison for future Chargers sound drops.
What happened, in order
Choked on Applesauce
Detroit host Mike erupts over Michigan State blowing its lead against Notre Dame, repeatedly shouting that the Spartans choked.
A Meltdown Worth a Raise
The hosts delight in Mike's genuine on-air fury and argue that a program director should reward him while firing the co-host who tried to calm him down.
Pucker Enters the Lexicon
Eddie and the others puzzle over Mike's repeated use of “pucker,” deciding that its baffling intensity is what makes the rant so funny.
Make Plays
Mike demands that Michigan State make plays after surrendering a 37–21 lead, while the studio marvels at the passion of a man who actually attended Purdue.
Serious Business
Mike snaps at his co-host for mentioning a pleasant weekend with his father and insists that the football collapse is no joking matter.
Timeouts Aren't Cell Minutes
Mike attacks John L. Smith for clock and timeout mismanagement, arguing that Michigan State repeatedly lets opponents regroup and rally.
The Perfect Radio Drop
The studio turns “pucker, pucker, pucker” into an all-purpose catchphrase and predicts the rant will supply Chargers sound drops for years.
Teddy Ruxpin Could Coach Better
Mike condemns Chris Schmelin's blitz packages and says he would rather have H.R. Pufnstuf and Teddy Ruxpin running the team.
People mentioned
MikeEddieJohn L. SmithChris SchmelinH.R. PufnstufTeddy RuxpinWitchiepoo
1,735 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Earlier, I told you that in Detroit, there is a sports talk station with a disc jockey that flipped out recently on the air. He flipped out because the Michigan State football team, which is the, I guess, they're like the official station of the Michigan State football team, Spartans, and they lost to Notre Dame, and this guy was really upset about it. To the point where he loses his voice, he goes off on a 15-minute tirade, and his co-host, you can tell, is visibly, you know, audibly worried about him. And he's not joking. He's serious. Cut 35. Every single stereotype about Michigan State University football came true on Saturday night. They choked. They absolutely gagged. While Notre Dame played with fire. Emotion, poise, and tact. Michigan State sat there and choked on applesauce. They choked. Sounds like you choked. They choked. No, I'm not going to name names. They absolutely choked. Okay, hey. Shut up, I'm not finished. You're not going to be able to finish, Mike. You're moving your voice. You're moving your voice already. I was busy firing up. I did my job. I paid my $75.
And I got a bunch of old asses on their feet and got them cheering their ass off. I didn't joke. I showed up tonight. I'm not finished. You're about to lose your voice, Mike. Okay, you're not going to be able to finish. It doesn't matter. Oh, boy. It doesn't matter. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. That's awesome. They choked on applesauce. Now, here's the great part. This show sounds a lot like our show in that they have a separate person whose job it is to run sound effects. That person didn't know that this guy's not messing around. You can tell the sound effects person has a sense of humor and is having a good time. They don't realize, like, oh, no. A spring is beginning to break in his head. If I'm the program director of this radio station, first of all, he gets a raise.
And then the next thing on my to-do list is to fire the co-host. How dare you get in his way? How dare you try to calm him down? When he was basically putting on some of the best radio I've heard in years. Genuine emotion and losing it on the air, albeit crazy, is good radio. Eddie's heard this as well. He gets into this thing, Eddie, about pucker, pucker, pucker. And I guess, Eddie, correct me if I'm wrong, but I guess what he's trying to say is that he feels like Michigan State bent over and said, you know, pucker up and kiss our butts. Is that it? That's the best explanation I've heard. I guess. I don't really know either. I just think it's so funny when he says it. Cut 36. I'm disgusted with the guys that strap on those uniforms.
Make plays! Third largest crowd in the history of that stadium. With a 37-21 lead quarterback. And with a puppy dog look. Stand together as a team and make plays! Oh boy. Well, listen. He's obviously very impassioned about the Michigan State football team. See? As I'm listening to him, I'm like, gosh darn, I don't know that I've ever heard anybody that fired up. By the way, he went to Purdue. Well, he did his job. He fired up his section. He did his job. He did his job. Yes. So he's expecting the same out of Michigan State sports. The team and the coaches, yeah. He didn't pucker. No. No. Pucker, pucker, pucker. He did his job. That's a guy really into his college football team. Loves him.
Dude, he loves them. He loves them. There is no doubt. He has to be a Michigan State alumni, right? Absolutely. Is there any way? Or lived in the town so long that he's adopted them? He's just, I mean, he's a diehard Spartan fan. By the way, Notre Dame fans, this is like the greatest. thing they've ever heard in their lives. It's all over the internet, by the way. And to Notre Dame fans, this is the funniest, hysterical, greatest thing. Like listening to the Michigan State Spartan meltdown. The Notre Dame people have this as like their ringtone. Yes. Oh, absolutely. Pucker, pucker, pucker. I got a phone call. So he starts to talk about the coaches. And again, this co-host of his is trying to get him to stop it. Cut 37. Now let me get to the coaches. wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait
How about the good time you had with your dad this weekend? Hell, I'm not screwing around. This is what I discussed with you. Shut up. Hell, I'm not screwing around. Don't try to make a joke out of this. I'm not kidding. This is serious business. The matter of life. Don't you make a joke. Now. In our next clip. The wheels really begin to come off. We haven't really got it rolling out. This goes off for 15 minutes, guys. Up to this point, what he's done is he's been stretching. You're warming up a little bit. You're stretching. You're like, here we go. I think I'm about ready to lose my mind. Cut 38. They mismanaged the clock.
Again. They didn't use their timeouts right. Again. And they allowed the opponent to get into halftime and make adjustments. Again. Pause. Pause. It's the same time. We have to take that clip and use it for the Chargers like when anything goes wrong. When anything goes wrong with the Chargers from this point on, you're hearing the genesis of a joke that you'll hear on this show now for the next 10 years. If anything ever goes wrong with the Chargers, we could play... He mismanaged the clock! We've got to start this from the beginning. And just in your mind, P1s, as you listen to this, know you're going to be hearing this for the next 20 years that we're on the air here talking about the Chargers. 38. They mismanaged the clock! They didn't use their timeouts right! And they allowed the opponent to get into halftime and make adjustments! Okay! It's the same tired-ass story. Note to John L. Smith, learn the effing rules and understand that your timeouts are not like cell phone minutes. Over. Shame on this coaching staff for puckering. It is evident to me they cannot coach with a lead. 38-17 in Notre Dame last year.
Pucker, pucker, pucker. Pucker up. Change what you're doing and allow the opposition back in. 34-17 in Michigan two years ago. Pucker, pucker, pucker. There's so many new Mikey show drops in this that I don't even know where to begin. Oh, my God. I wish I'd do a pucker, pucker, pucker. It's so great. You can use it for anything. Yes, you can use it for anything. It's got a million different meanings. Oh, my God. This is so great. Hey, you went on a date this weekend? Pucker, pucker, pucker. Pucker, pucker, pucker. I mean, how fantastic is this audio? It's so good. How fantastic. I want to be best friends with this guy. I know it. I know it. I want to go camping. I want us to get me and him to go camping. Please. I have some very sad news.
I only have one more clip. I know it. I know it. Pucker, pucker, pucker. Now, I've saved, in my opinion, the best for last. He makes some references here that are just... Eddie, what do you make of the references? Brilliant. Cut 47. Get Chris Schmelin out of town. He is the single worst defensive coordinator. ever born into this world. Hey, Schmelin, here's an idea. You got your secondary floating around on things. Maybe it's not a good idea to bring back-to-back zero blitzes with no safety help, let alone the fact your stupid-ass blitz packages never get home. Sometimes? You are the worst offensive coordinator ever. I would rather have HR puffin' stuff. With Teddy Ruxpin as an assistant. And to have you in this booth one more week. You're atrocious. I would rather have HR Puff and Stuff and Teddy Ruxpin as my offensive coordinator. Hey, listen. I don't care how bad that guy is.
I don't think that he is worse than Teddy Ruxpin. I disagree. You disagree on it? You think Teddy Ruxpin could get the job done? Teddy Ruxpin can talk. He's a talking bear. What about HR Buff and stuff? That I don't know. I don't know. Maybe get witchy poo in there. Yes. I mean, how phenomenally great is that? I tell you what, I've really listened to this a lot, and I think on Sunday during the Chargers pregame show, since the Chargers lost to Ballsport last week, I'm going to do that. I'm going to have my meltdown. I want to hear you say, I want to hear you say, I'd rather have a garbage pick. That is phenomenal.