All shows / 28 Hour Show 2005 - Rock 105.3
28 Hour Show - 2005 - Part 33
2005
28 Hour Show 2005 - Rock 105.3KIOZRock 105.3
Willy Wonka movie commentaryCharacter mockeryGolden Ticket searchOompa LoompasEdible factoryPoverty and misfortuneRadio show banterDark humorMovie plot analysis (comedic)Wonka's eccentricitieswilly wonkachocolate factory
The radio show hosts provide a comedic, often crude, running commentary on the movie "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory." They relentlessly mock Charlie Bucket's poverty and his family's misfortunes, as well as the eccentricities of Willy Wonka and the other Golden Ticket winners like Augustus Gloop, Veruca Salt, and Mike TV. The hosts make jokes about the edible factory, the Oompa Loompas' origin, and the various characters' fates, including Augustus falling into the chocolate river and Mrs. Gloop being sent to the "fudge room." Throughout the broadcast, hosts Mikey, Charlie, Sean, Eddie, and Boston Rob engage in banter, complain about studio conditions, and offer cynical takes on the film's events.
What happened, in order
Charlie's Hard Life & Family Mockery
The show opens with hosts mocking Charlie Bucket's impoverished family, their living conditions, and his general misfortune, including a jab at Slugworth.
Mike TV & Golden Ticket Hype
Commentary shifts to Mike TV's character and the intense, often disappointing, search for the Golden Tickets, including a mention of the Mikey Show marathon.
Grandpa Joe's 'Golden Ticket' Song
The hosts react to Grandpa Joe's sudden mobility and his enthusiastic, if crude, singing of "I've Got a Golden Ticket" after Charlie finds the last one.
Slugworth's Bribery Attempt
The hosts discuss Slugworth's appearance and his attempt to bribe Charlie for the Everlasting Gobstopper, questioning Charlie's loyalty.
Willy Wonka's Unimpressive Entrance
The hosts mock Willy Wonka's anticlimactic and awkward entrance, noting the lack of fanfare and his creepy demeanor.
Meeting the Other Winners
Commentary on the other Golden Ticket winners and their parents, with hosts making fun of Veruca Salt, Augustus Gloop, and Mike TV.
The Edible Factory Room
The hosts react to the "edible" room in Wonka's factory, questioning its sanitation and making jokes about the strange things the characters eat.
Oompa Loompa Introduction & Origin
The hosts discuss the Oompa Loompas, their degrading attire, and Wonka's bizarre origin story for them, including the "wang-doodle" creature.
Augustus Gloop's Chocolate River Fall
The hosts provide running commentary as Augustus Gloop falls into the chocolate river, mocking his gluttony and the Oompa Loompas' subsequent song.
Mrs. Gloop's Fudge Room Fate
The hosts react to Mrs. Gloop being sent to the "fudge room" after Augustus's accident, making dark jokes about her potential fate.
People mentioned
Charlie BucketViolet BeauregardeSlugworthMike TVJack LemmonCorey FeldmanMikeyCharlieSeanEddieBoston RobMrs. CurtisVanessa WilliamsFezGrandpa JoeWilly WonkaVeruca SaltSam BeauregardNancy RadioAugustus GloopMrs. Gloop
3,196 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Oh, yeah. Violet. She's like 84 now. Like every program director I've ever had. Hey, Charlie. You're so freaking confused. Stop it. Charlie's like, no. I chew it all day except at mealtimes when I stick it behind my ear. Cool it, mother. Cool it, mother. Is that Slugworth right behind her? It certainly was. Nice scar on the face there, Slugworth. Nice little Oxford soup. Dinner at the buckets. Just making more soup, soup dear. Mom, why did I have to be your son? Same reason I had you. Bad luck. Jump in here, Charlie.
Mom, why can't you be like the other mothers and whore yourself out? Mom, where do we get these giant forks made of wood? Mom, why does our house have to smell like a Chinese dry cleaner? Nice Helen Reddy haircut. More like Helen Keller. That's hot. There are a hundred billion people in this world and only five. And they're all better than you. And they all have better meals than you. And after this contest is over, you'll be no different from the billions of others we didn't find. You know, losers. I'm sorry, Charlie. You're just worthless. Yeah. One day things will change. Charlie, I'd like to sing you a little song called You're a Loser. Oh. Charlie.
It looks like her boobs are coming in, too. I know what they're not spending their money on. Voice lessons. That's me walking to school at 12. Have a great day at school, Mike, you little fatso. Buck up, little one. This is the extended version where Charlie gets raped. Yeah. Oh, no. It's really funny. It's really funny. Huh, funny? It's the everlasting rape stopper. You don't have to throw things at the screen. Look at that idiot.
No one knew he was actually blind through most of the movie. That guy sitting there has got it better than Charlie Bucket. What's Jack Lemmon doing sitting there? You idiot, get out of here. It's a run over. Can this day get any worse? Mom, can I get a new purse? This one's too big and flowery. Charlie is even luckier than you. You can recycle that. What's the matter with you, kid? What are you upset about? You just walked by 550. Looks familiar. I think I slept there before. I drew that chicken. Nice life for a 12-year-old wandering the streets of slummy London at 12 o'clock in the morning. And mom singing away. Yeah. Not caring the world. On the stoop.
I hate you. Look at that lamp. Yeah, that is a nice lamp. There you go. Oh, is he annoying. Corey Feldman's first roll? Mm-hmm. Nice list. That guy can wheel the mic. Check him out, man. I wish that were real. That's good malt liquor, Mike TV. I'll get you all the ecstasy you want, kid. And I'm not wearing pants. The last of the most sought-after prizes in history. Though we cannot help but envy him whoever it is. Oh, it's the evening R-Ort. You must remember there are many more important things. Many more important things. Okay, and I can't think of what they are, but I'm sure there must be... Go ahead, run that thing. Mikey's Show 28-hour marathon is brought to you by KSWB Channel 569. Tune in Thursday night for Smallville at 8 o'clock.
The official home of the Mikey Show 28-hour marathon is K-I-O-Z, San Diego's Rock. Rock 105.3. The following takes place between 2 a.m. and 3 a.m. Another chance for your hopes and dreams to be dashed. Here we go. Here we go. I feel lucky this time. Well, it ain't going to happen. Yeah, you don't know. Oh, really? You don't tell me. No, come on. We lose at everything, Charlie. Open it. The old man is addicted to seeing his crushed expression. Yeah. It's really fun. It's so delicious. You know, watching your eyes fade to nothing. It's better than Viagra. Nothing. Oh, great. I'll rub it in his face. Hey, Charlie, can I kick you in the ribs now?
Give me a hug. We suck. And also, Charlie, nobody likes you. I can personally guarantee, ladies and gentlemen, that this is the one and only, the absolutely last case of Wonka bars left in the United Kingdom. Shall we start the bidding at 1,000 pounds? I can't really have to do it so subtly. He just picked his nose. Oh, my God, it's mayhem. I'm sorry, Mrs. Curtis. Doesn't seem to be anything in his papers to give us a clue. Yeah, nice dragnet rip-off. Just the tax man. I'll give him anything. Ladies and gentlemen, Vanessa Williams. She's hot. It's your case of Wonka bars. No. Can you hear me? It's your husband's life or your case of Wonka bars. Wonka bars. Oh, my goodness.
You bitch. That's it. That's it. It's all over. The Wonka contest is all over. The fifth and final ticket is the ball. That's the end of the movie, I guess, guys. I'm going to go wrap it up. Yeah, okay. Well, that was a good one. It's over. Hey, it's Fez. Paraguay. Is this guy a pitcher for the Red Sox? It's for you, Boston, Rob. You guys ought to go to sleep train. Seriously. Grandpa, if I win, I'm buying you a wig. Like the one Mom wears. Don't those old people work? Not like the one I wear. Does Charlie have a herpy on his lip? It's a love bump. Hello, kids. I still haven't fixed my teeth. Back to you. We will now take turns kicking me in the mouth. Can't get any worse. We are going to learn about teeth.
For example, let's take the recent unpleasantness. Supposing there were a thousand Wonka bars in the world, and during the contest... Nice brand-new-looking chalkboard. That number is a percent. Everyone understand? A few. How many Wonka bars did you open? About a hundred. There are ten hundred in a thousand. Therefore, you opened ten percent. Right, Einstein. Can we go? 150. That's 2% half. 15 minutes. How many did you open? Two. That's easy. 200 is twice 100. Not 200. Just two. What are you, poor? What do you mean you only open two? I don't care very much for chocolate. Ah, well, you're worthless and don't deserve to live. So let's pretend you open 200.
Now, if you opened 200 Wonka bars, apart from being dreadfully sick, you'd have used up 20% of 1,000... Look at that little girl in the background. Charlie! You sad sack. Oh, what do we have here? All right, Mr. Pervert, can I buy another Wonka bar? Can I just get the chocolate without your worthless flirting? Okay. Something wrong with your throat there? Pervy. Easy. I know you're trying to get the taste out, but... Try a shower, Charlie. Sorry, kid. I sold you X-lax. My Grandpa Joe. Sure.
Your Grandpa Joe. Guy from 2005 standing there in Levi's. Yeah. Awesome. That means there's one golden ticket still floating around somewhere. Can you imagine the nerve of that guy trying to fool the whole world? I'm Future Man. Could it be? Grandpa Joe's bar. Jerk. Aw. Don't be there. Please don't be there. Daddy. Please don't be there. If it's there, I'll be bitter and hold resentments. Hey! Aw, crap. I am still a loser. Put your hands. Where's Slugworth? I'm sure he won't talk now. Slugworth's like, this kid's a loser. I will sell out my family. Jiminy. Well, that's what happens when you run down Rape Alley. How's the Slugworth?
President of Slugworth Chocolates Incorporated. Now listen carefully because I'm going to make you very rich indeed. Didn't he play the Nazi in Raiders of the Lost Ark? The everlasting gobstopper. If he succeeds, he'll ruin me. So all I want you to do is to get hold of just one everlasting gobstopper and bring it to me so that I can find a secret formula. No. Your reward will be 10,000 of these. Take it over with you. Yeah, but those are pennies. Those are playing cards. Those are food stamps. Yes, but you'll get 10,000 of them. Everlasting Godstopper. Whatever. I don't care about my family. There's four people in my bed now. You're pulling our legs, Charlie. There aren't any more golden tickets. Pulls out a revolver, shoots him in the foot. Look at it, Grandpa, see for yourself.
Read it, Joe, for heaven's sake. I don't know how to read. The lucky finder of this golden ticket from Mr. Willy Wonka. Present this ticket at the factory gates at 10 o'clock in the morning of the first day of October and do not be late. You may bring with you one member of your own family but no one else. Isn't that great, Grandpa? I'm going to take my real dad. None of you have met him. Oh, God. I'm thinking of our neighbor. Nice boob. Look at the bed. Look at the frame of the bed. Nice boob frame. It must be cold in there. Who's the set designer for this show? We want a bed that looks like two big T's sticking straight up in the air.
Wait a second. Oh, no. I just saw an upskirt. Because I got a dirty nightgown. Oh, yeah. Get me some. Come on, Charlie. I'll take you to the candy shop. What? Look at those two idiots in the bed. I think that nightgown is made out of the same material those drapes are made out of. Look at me. I've done this in 20 years. All right. Urinate on his own. That's what your wife said. I never thought my life could be. Here comes a song. I never thought that I could pee. But suddenly I begin to see a bit of good luck for me. Cause I've got a golden tea. Shower. Alright, alright.
I've got a golden twinkle. Oh, yeah. Sing it, Grandpa. But suddenly half the world is mine. What an amazing thing. Sean. Shut up. I've got a cranky prostate. Oh, that's where he goes to the bathroom. Yeah. See that little pot under there? Uh-huh. He should go to the chocolate factory wearing that. He's already got chocolate on it. Here I go. Watch my speed. Hey, look, you can do something that we all can do. Walk. Because I am about to vomit.
I've got a golden chance to make my way. And with a golden ticket, it's a golden day. It would have been awesome if a cobra would have jumped out of that. All right, ready to go. All right, yeah, we're good. He sure doesn't look very invalid. Hey, Grandpa, can you put a T-shirt on or something? pubes all over the floor now. That was three days ago. Grandpa, quipping a total tool. Welcome to Vacaville.
What country is this supposed to be, you think? I mean, is it America? Is it London? Is it Candy Town? London. Foggy London Town. Fish face. Look at that lady in the background. She's wasted. Nice shades. That was awful. Really important question. I don't know. We'll have to look into that. Let me wander that for the rest of the show. I'll get back to you. Thank you. He'd eat his face if he could. Oh, please. Could they make this poor Charlie Bucket any worse? He's not even staying on.
That's what time we get off. We can go. Yeah, time to go. Late. He's got a golden bee, so. Guy standing there from the corner. Why is everyone so quiet there? Shouldn't they be cheering and carrying on? Couldn't be that creepy velvet purple coat. They're in shock that Gene Wilder walked out. Right. Something's coming. Uh-oh. And not impressive. Uh-oh. Again. All right, guys. Thanks for coming. We'll see you. You can walk like a normal person. Awesome. Congrats. Bow ties equal pedophiles. So glad you could come. It's going to be such an exciting day. All right. All right. Now, would you please show me your golden tickets? My dear Baruca, what a pleasure. And how pretty you look in that lovely main coat. I've got three others to turn. Oh, may I slap you? Whoa.
You are one fat SOB. Jeez. I don't have enough chocolate for you, fatty. Move along. Yeah, this must be your morbidly obese mother. Now I see why you're so fat. Sam Beauregard here, Mr. Walker. Oh, shut up. If ever you need anything in the automotive line, just call on Sam B. Phone number's on the car. Yeah, I'm sure I will. I make chocolate, dude. Really? That's your last name? TV? Hey, Mrs. TV. How do you do? This is Nancy Radio. Thank you. Stupid. Well, well. Completely non-memorable. Thanks, Charlie. Give me that. Who is this vagrant with you? You must be the man. Here we go. The last she'll ever see of these people. All of you will be eaten. Nice shorts there, Augustus. Real cute legs, kid. Wait a minute. Strike down.
What are they going to do? They got to leave their coats? Well, here we go. Ah! As soon as your outer vestments are in hand... Now. Build a children. Time to step up. This is stage number one. Oh. Standard clear channel contract. That's right. Et cetera, et cetera. Et cetera, et cetera. Evil empire. Et cetera, et cetera. That's right.
It's difficult. Whoa. Vomit head. Vomit head. What's all that small print there at the bottom? Oh, if you have any problems, dial information. Thank you for calling. Mike, Augustus, it's hot fun. This movie made. 78. Yeah, look at Boston Rob. That's not true. You don't know how to write, Charlie. Patience. Patience, little dear. I want a feather pen. Everyone sign? Yes. Good. On we go. There's a fan blowing directly on my back, and it is freezing. Oh, I'm dying over here. Yeah, I'm chilly over here. Are you hot, Eddie? Yes. You're hot. Why don't you guys move the fan? You can have the fan, and it'll blow on Sean and Eddie. I'd love that. Because it's freezing. Dying. Want to help him out? B-Rob? B-Riz.
The result is I gotta take a wee wee. I'm pretty gonna go with that. I doubt if there is any. I doubt if any of us will get out of here alive. You should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about. You're not squeezing me through that tiny door. You're off your bleeding, not Wonka. No one can get through there. My dear friends, you are now about to enter the nerve center, the entire Wonka factory. Inside this room, all of my dreams become realities, and some of my realities become dreams, and almost everything you see is evil, terrible.
I mean, you can eat almost everything. Hey, easy, fatty. Jeez. We wouldn't want anyone to lose that. Yet. Now, the combination. This is a musical. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Now it's getting good. Come on. Come on. So let me get this straight. That handrail right there is edible. That's what they say. He's a liar. You don't know. Those stairs are edible. You don't know. The ground. Yep. That's real sanitary. The downstairs hair. That's Sean. That kid is retarded. You really do grow to hate me. Seriously. Uh-oh, creepy. What are you looking at, Jean? Nice khakis. Very dapper.
when we just go the whole song and dance routine okay okay all right just picked his hair and and everything's edible and he just dropped it i mean like the hell is the matter with you on that fern right there is edible and those balloons wonka a cheat be ashamed of yourself Truly gay singing voice. All that candy and that's what they go for? Yeah, yum. Hey, look, gummy balloons, everybody. Yeah, let me crack that on your head for you, kid. So disgusting. Yeah, that's gross. So disgusting. It's like Night of the Living Dead. Yeah. Why are you eating a lemon? Yeah. Go ahead, Mom, pig.
But not because she's eating stuff. Those are obviously balloons. Yeah, eat these right out of the litter box. A blood river. Look right over my frigging shoulder. Bow ties ever cool that big? No. Never? No. Were bow ties ever cool? Besides Malcolm X, who pulled off the bow tie? Yeah. There's nothing in there, Gene. You don't know. Gene, there's nothing in there. You don't know. Oh, really? Groping nothing. Nothing. Amazing. Wow. Great wax. Yeah, you want to go in and find out? Hang on a couple seconds, the fat guy will.
And look at my waterfall. That's the most important thing. It's mixing my chocolate. It's actually churning my chocolate. It's B-positive. It's B-positive. Cross the river. They're little mad. You call them midgets, Charlie. It's fine. With a really bad sunburn. What are they doing? Uh, hey, Wonka, why do you dress them so degradingly? That's true. Yeah. Stop it, Thompson. No, Oompa Loompas. Uh, Oompa what's this? Loompa land? There's no such place. Excuse me, dear lady. Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography. Oh, then you know all about it. And what a terrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. The poor little Oompa Loompas were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right left.
A wang-doodle would eat ten of them for breakfast. Oh, really? A wang-doodle? Yeah, okay. Everybody wang-doodle tonight. Horn-swogglers? Yeah. See plenty of those down at the Prancing Pony. Sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing. And so, in the greatest of secrecy, I transported the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here. Hey! Will you settle for, I don't know, a punch in the face? Uh-oh. Augustus, do me a favor. Oh, Augustus, please, don't do that. My chocolate must never be touched by human hands. Please, don't do that. Don't do that. You're contaminating my entire river. Please, I beg you, Augustus. Oh, really? I mean, they could just reach their hand out. I mean, why aren't they helping him?
This balloon on a stick. Yeah. You know, that's edible. Yeah, that ought to work. Just keep yelling, come back. Uh-oh. Wait. That's not chocolate. No, Grandpa, I don't remember asking that. You were just showing me your gun.
Why? You creep. Because that pipe doesn't go to the marshmallow room, it goes to the fudge room. You terrible man. Take Mrs. Gloop straight to the fudge room, but look sharp. Take that orange makeup off and do something about it. You boiled him up, I know it. You'll desperate him, dear lady. Across the desert lies the promised land. Goodbye, Mrs. Gloop. Adieu. Auf Wiedersehen. Gesundheit. Farewell. Everybody's favorite song. I wonder what that is. If you drink this stuff, you'll have to take a pee. Very creative lyrics. Where's Boston, Rob? Don't know. If you're not greedy, you will go far. That's open juice right there.