All shows / 28 Hour Show 2005 - Rock 105.3
28 Hour Show - 2005 - Part 8
2005
28 Hour Show 2005 - Rock 105.3KIOZRock 105.3
Do You Sound Hot?Voice judgingRacial humorControversial comedyRelationship adviceRoommate problemsRadio show marathonCaller interactionsradio showvoice competitiondo you sound hotguy edition
The broadcast features "Do You Sound Hot? The Guys Edition," a segment where four male callers—P1 Victor, P1 Marty, P1 Ron Diablo, and P1 Armando—are judged on the sexiness of their voices by the hosts. The judging panel, including Sky, Eddie, Sean, and the main host, frequently makes controversial and racially charged comments about the callers' perceived ethnicity and voice qualities, with Sky often expressing a preference for "deep" and "black" sounding voices. P1 Ron Diablo ultimately wins the competition. The show then transitions to "Tough Love with Eddie," where Eddie gives harsh, often offensive, advice to listeners' relationship and roommate problems, including P1 Kim, P1 Lee, and P1 Alicia.
What happened, in order
Do You Sound Hot? Guys Edition Intro
The hosts introduce a new segment where male callers compete to see who has the 'hottest' voice, judged by the on-air personalities.
P1 Victor's Voice Audition & Judging
P1 Victor calls in, answers questions about his Halloween costume, and is judged by the hosts, who make jokes about his perceived ethnicity and voice quality.
P1 Marty's Voice Audition & Judging
P1 Marty, a driveway coater, calls in and is judged, with Sky controversially stating his voice is 'too white,' leading to a flurry of racist jokes from the other hosts.
P1 Ron Diablo's Voice Audition & Judging
P1 Ron Diablo calls in, endures numerous racially charged jokes from the hosts, and is judged, ultimately winning the competition with high scores.
P1 Armando's Voice Audition & Judging
P1 Armando calls in, and the hosts make more jokes about his Mexican heritage and accent during his audition and subsequent judging.
Contestants' Physical Descriptions Revealed
The pre-recorded physical descriptions of P1 Victor, Marty, Armando, and Ron Diablo are played, allowing the hosts to comment on their appearances.
Tough Love with Eddie Intro
The segment 'Tough Love with Eddie' is introduced, where producer Eddie gives blunt, no-nonsense advice to listeners' problems.
Tough Love: P1 Kim's Relationship Advice
Eddie responds to P1 Kim, a 19-year-old wanting to marry her 22-year-old boyfriend of three months, calling her 'desperate' and 'the devil'.
Tough Love: P1 Lee's Roommate Advice
Eddie gives advice to P1 Lee, an Asian listener with a problematic roommate, making racially insensitive jokes about his ethnicity and suggesting he cook fish.
Tough Love: P1 Alicia's Office Romance Advice
Eddie responds to P1 Alicia, who dated her car lot owner boss and other coworkers, calling her a 'whore' and suggesting she become a street prostitute.
Caller Thanks for Marathon
P1 Jason calls in to thank Mikey for the 28-hour marathon, mentioning his Mexican coworkers are enjoying the show.
People mentioned
SeanBoston RobEddieSkyP1 VictorP1 MartyP1 Ron DiabloP1 ArmandoAshleyP1 KimP1 LeeP1 AliciaMikeyRamseyP1 Jason
5,528 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Appreciate it, man. See you. And the part of P1 Tim, of course, played by Sean. Sean, good job. Thank you very much. Good job. What was that? Where did you get the motivation for the I'll break you in half and you come into the ring? Yeah. What I did was I imagined mostly my family members. Sean. Picturing my mother, my father. All right. Thank you, Sean. We appreciate it. That'll do. And. Okay. Hey, should we move on to this now? Can we do this game? The Do You Sound Hot? Sure. I'm not even going to play the regular theme because we can't play the regular theme with it. This is going to be different. We really have to do this. I'm so excited. I'd really rather not. All right. Get ready to screen phone calls. Boston Rob, you ready to screen phone calls? We're going to play Do You Sound Hot? The Guys Edition. 570-1053. I want guys to call Eddie. What can they win? Let's see here. How about... Playing for the UFC DVD, first season of The Ultimate Fighter. There you go. Nice. And so if you're a guy, you think you have a sexy voice. You think you sound real hot. So who's going to be the judges? We are. Just the regular? Yeah. Come on. Is it just like the same? We're just taking four contestants? Yeah, it's going to be four dudes that think that they sound great. And do we get to pre-record what they look like? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have them pre-record what they look like. Seriously. This is awesome. So excited.
Come on. Like, I don't even, what are you going to base your on? I mean, I don't know what to do. I don't know. Hey, listen, if a guy sounds, if a guy sounds like he has a cool voice, is he going to have guy confidence? Shut up. Come on. Skye, what will you base this on? I have to do this every week. I mean, Skye, listen, take the fact that the guy is black out of it. I mean, other than a black guy, what kind of voice do you like? All right. Confident news girl. I enjoy the confident news girl. All right, that's hilarious. We're not doing that right now. I enjoy... Chortle. Is this starting already? Because he is black.
Lots of laughter. Would you like me to answer the question? I don't know what we're laughing about. Can I answer the question? Yeah, go ahead, Skye. I enjoy a gentleman with a more mature sounding voice. Oh, mature. I also enjoy a very deep voice. So basically something like this, right, Skye? That's a little too mature. Nice and mature. That's a little bit past... A little deeper? Deep and mature. I got a lot of confidence. All right. Stop it. Vote for me. I've got plenty of... All right. All right, so it'll be just like we normally do Do You Sound Hot. It'll be me, Eddie, Sky, and Sean that will be doing an evaluation on a scale of 1 to 10. Effing idiots. This time we're doing it with men. Yeah, come on, hot guys. Stop, because it's creeping me out. First up is P1 Victor. Are you there? Yes, I'm right here. Sky, why don't you ask the guy some questions? Yeah, now you changed your mind, didn't you? Hang on, big boy. Oh, hello. Did you celebrate Halloween, Victor? Yes, I did. What did you do? I was a vampire. I had bangs. Hello. I had my hair stick back, and I had makeup on my face. Did you, like, go out? What did you do? We went out downtown to Albertines. Albertsons. Albertsons? That's a fun place to go.
I don't think he said Albertsons, you guys. They put a new strip club in there or something? Hottie and the Frozen Fools. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. All right. We got it at the mini Wells Fargo. That's right. Shut up, you guys. Bakery Disco. You guys are so dumb. Produce is going off. Mm-hmm. whatever uh sky do you think we have enough to be able to evaluate him it's up to you um if you want to ask more questions all right now on the main stage in the produce section give me a break cucumber you guys are idiots Give a big aisle nine and two. Shut up. He did not say Albertsons, you dicks. God. Are you still there, by the way, Victor? Yes. Oh, good, good, good. Don't forget to tip your baggers. All right. Skye, do you think we have enough to be able to evaluate? I'm good, yeah. Oh.
I will say that there was absolutely nothing special about Victor's voice. There was nothing deep. There was no resonance to it. You know me. I was really trying to ascertain heritage. Couldn't figure out if he was Mexican, black, what was going on. I give Victor a four. Eddie. Well, there's no doubt in my mind he was Mexican. He had that Mexican affectation that I heard. Uh-huh. Which to me is hot. I do big time. They do awesome yard work for me. Okay. Shut up. Which I say is yummy. Uh-huh. You're so lame. That deserves at least a line. I took it down. It's okay. Okay. Oh, anyway. He cleared his throat once, which I thought was gross. Yeah, it was gross. That was really gross. Yeah, anyway. I thought he had a funny laugh, and so I'm going to go. He never said Albertson. Dude, I don't know. I'll give you a six, Victor. All right, Sean. Sean, what did you think? Oh, it's me? Yeah. Think basement. I was trying to think basement, but he seemed a little dull for me.
I would like a little more spark in the voice. Victor, you didn't have it. I was looking for it. But one thing I will say for you, my friend, is that if I did put something into you, a foreign object, for example, I think you'd take it very nicely. Shut your mouth. Shut it up, Victor. Thank you. And I will give you a five. And finally, Skye, what did you think of P1, Victor? Sounds like a great guy. I did enjoy the... Yeah, he sounds like a really great guy. He does. He does. I mean, from that Albertson story, I just was able to get, wow, what a good, kind heart you have, Victor. Not Albertson. Albertson's in the guy. I see. I see. We got it. Great guy. Yeah. I did enjoy the little bit of Hispanicness in his voice. Oh, hello. It's very close to black.
But it wasn't as deep. It's a different shade. As I like. Shut up. Light black. Yes. The voice. It's like a very milky black. You guys are idiots. It's like if you were to take black. God damn it. And pour white paint into it. Okay. Stir it about. All right. Black with cream. You know, cream you'd buy at Albertsons. Okay. Damn it. Black with splendor. I would have liked his voice to be a little bit deeper, but I still do think it's hot, and I'm going to give him a seven. Yeah, there you go. Hang on the line, Victor, okay? All right. Please hang on the line. Next up is P1 Marty. Hey. Marty, Sky's got some questions to ask you to get you talking. Make sure you try to answer these questions and give as much of an answer as you possibly can so we can get a feel for your voice. Go ahead, Sky. First of all, love the band. Can't wait to see you at Paula when you open for NXS. That is not Marty Cass or whatever. Casey. Yeah, I am. Really? This is Marty Casey. Oh, no, I'm just playing. So, Marty, what do you do for a living?
For a living, I coat driveways. I do concrete coating. And how long have you been doing that? About six months. I started up a business. Oh, really? So it's your own business? Yeah. Do you enjoy owning your own business? Yeah, it's kind of tough. Yeah? But it's worth it? It pays off? Yeah, well, not yet, but I'm hoping it will. Aw, that's good. Are you a San Diego native? Yes, I am. I've lived here since I was eight. Where'd you live before you were? That makes you not a native. Yeah, that makes you not a native. You have to be born in San Diego to be a native. He didn't say he was a brain scientist. He said that he was a native. Native. So, for the record, I would appreciate members of the show not IMing me questions to ask. Why, Skye? Well, Sean just sent me a question, and I don't think it's appropriate. What did it say? What did it say? Okay, Marty, are you big in the pants? All right. That's stupid. You asked. That's Sean's question. Sean would like to know. Sean, you I am that disguise thinking she'd ask that? I mean, are you kidding me? Oh, yes, Marty, are you big in the pants?
Well, he hasn't answered. I doubt I'm as big as Sky's husband, but... Sky really genuinely wants you to answer that question. Well, I just want to hear his voice. I mean, it could have been any question. You know what? Why don't you do the ABCs then, Marty? Oh, stop. What now? Okay, I think we've heard enough of Marty. I think we're good. Marty, you definitely had a hotter voice than Victor, in my opinion. There was a bit more of that resonance that I look for in my guys. All right. Wait, in your guys? Weird. So uncomfortable. When I'm browsing Albertsons with a pink handkerchief in my back pocket. Okay. Sexy. All right. Marty, overall, I thought you had a decent personality. You answered every question the way that we wanted you to. I liked your voice. I give you a seven. Thank you. You're welcome. Eddie. This is so gay. I love it. We're never doing this again. Ever. Ever. Ever. I think we should rotate weeks. Girls and guys. Girls and guys. Never again. Girls better. Yeah, me too. Yeah, I mean, this guy sounds just like a bro. You know, I mean, that's kind of how I guess I'm going to have to evaluate this. He seems like a cool... Do you find your bros hot?
No, I'm not doing it on the basis of being hot on whether or not they sound like cool guys, I guess. Do you understand now? Only in a show where we had to burn... Hey, dude, your sexuality isn't in question here. No need to get defensive. It's okay, sweets. I would rather be called sweets than bitch, thank you. Any day of the week. Tweets their own. Okay. Agree to disagree. Tomato, tomato. So, yeah, he sounds like a cool guy. I don't know. I'll give you seven. Gay? Gay. Sean? Yeah, this guy, I mean, I'd like to join a fight club with this guy. What? I'd like us to get together on a Saturday night and punch the living hell out of each other. I think we'd have fun doing that. Would you really want to do that? Yes. I'd punch his rear end until it bled. Okay, okay. Is that the only buddy part you'd hit? All right. Well, maybe I'd hit something else. That's good. You get it. I've got 23 and a half hours left of this. All right, stupid. I'll give you a seven as well. His name's Marty. His name is Marty. Oh, yeah. All right, Sky, what did you think of P1 Marty?
Again, a nice gentleman. Yeah. He sounded so kind. He did. Great guy. Very giving. Yeah. What would that, you know, asphalt repair and everything? Well, obviously. So, you know, I don't know how to say this. What? His voice is too white. Oh, my God. You are a horrific person. You are a horrific person. You are a horrific person. You're a racist. Reverse racism. You are a racist. It just sounds very... Man, not enough color in you. I don't know. Or her. Wait. And again, still not, you know, like he... It sounded at some points like he was trying to make his voice sound deep. It didn't really sound genuine to me. She didn't buy you at all. So I'm going to give him a five. Oh! Hang on the line, Marty. Because he's white. Shut up, Sean. Yep, because you're Caucasian. We don't know that. Wow. We don't know his race. Well, his name's Marty. Oh, all we do know is he didn't sound black enough for you. I didn't say that. No, you said he was too white. Well, maybe I'm not a fan of albinos. Oh, really? Had that albino sound, did he? Who knows what that could have meant? Yes.
Voice screamed. Oh, Miss Sky, unless I talk like this. I think you know. I don't get no tens. We're not doing this right now. We're not doing this right now. Miss Sky, give me a tens. We're not doing this right now, Eddie. Am I going to give you a tens if I can only give you a tens? Miss Sky, what if I... Shut up, please. What if I shuck and jive for you, Miss Sky? What if you shuck and jive? Can we please get back to the game? Will I get a tin if I sound like I have watermelons in my mouth? Shut up. Watermelons? Plural. Plural. All right. Back to the game, jerks. Look at that, Ramsey. It looks like you have something on the bottom of your feet. Let me take a look. There you go. Get you with that every time. Fooled me. Yeah, not in fools you. I fooled you. Spell it, Ramsey. Fooled. Yeah? Go ahead. I can't spell it. Damn you. Ignoramus. A poor black man. Can we move on now, please? He won Ron Diablo. Hey, what's up? Not too much. You ready to play?
I'm ready. Sky's got some questions for you. Yeah, really black it up, dude. Yeah, dude. Shut up. If you want to win. Yeah, hello, Miss Sky. Shut up. Yeah. Idiots. My name, Ron Diablo. All right, enough. How you doing? Yeah. Hey. I hope you like my voice. Are we ready now? Tyrone should have called in. Yeah. Shut up. Let me ask you a question, Sky. All right. Hey. Yeah, I like to play Do You Sound Black? That's not the game. No, it is according to you. Do you sound hot? Ah, not when you plan. Whatever. You've been boring. What makes you such a friggin' ex-girlfriend? Can we get back to Ron now, please? Give it to me, Scott. All right, Ron. I'd love to. All right, Ron. So, what part of town do you live in? I live in PB. In PB. Have you lived there for a while?
Just about six months, actually. I just moved down. Long enough to open up this barbecue shop. Shut up. Do you surf or enjoy the ocean? Is that why you moved to PB? I just went there for the bars, basically. Yeah, that and to play some b-ball, football, baseball, anything athletic. You guys are so dumb. Okay, Ron, do you have any hobbies or anything that you like to do in your free time? Yeah, I do. Shut up. Watermelon spitting scene. That's my favorite hobby. You guys, I want to hear Ron's voice. I don't want to hear you. You know, shucking chitlins, that kind of thing. Separating collard greens, Miss Sky. I like to do that, too. Running the 40. Are you guys done? Scott, you know what one of my favorite hobbies is? Posting somebody up. Okay, enough of you boys. Shooting three-point shots. All right. Damn. Are you going to ask me what I do for a living?
Stop it. No, I'm not, Eddie. Please. No, Eddie. I got a lot of jokes. Yeah, what do you do for a living? Obviously, pick cotton. Hey, hey, hey. We're not going there. Stop it. My part-time job is NBA player. Can I now get back to Ron, please? Please. Thank you. Okay, Ron, so do you have any hobbies and stuff you enjoy doing when you're not working? Um, yeah, I like to go to concerts and stuff. Like, I went to Judas Priest and Answers. Jay-Z. Shut up. Mace. Nelly. 50 Cent. Usher. Usher. All right, Ron. You know. Yeah, I also like to catch footballs and wear jerseys with the number 85 on it. Next question, Sky. Whatever. Okay, I'm done. Uh, yeah. Ron, I liked your voice. I agree with Sky. Not black enough. Certainly too white. I didn't say that. I mean, just not nearly African-American enough for what my taste. You're dumb. You had a decent voice. You know, I like the laughter. Brings a little bit to your personality. I give you a solid seven. Eddie. Yeah, I like this guy. He played along with us. It was fun. I give him a nine. Wow.
How about that? Eddie really gay for him. I'm really into you. Sean. He sounds like a good guy. Say that line. Sounds like the kind of guy that I'd like to take under my wing. Okay. Show him a few things. What? Things that I know. Like what? Things that other people don't know. Like? Breaking the law kind of stuff. Gotcha, Sean. Abducting individuals. All right, Sean. It's too much. Too far. Too far. So I'm going to give him an eight, actually. I think it was really good. Finally, Skye. Yeah, I'm in on Ron. Wow. I like him. He's white, though. We don't know that. I enjoyed his voice. His voice had a very, like, cool guy feel to it. Yeah, it sounds like you'd wear blackface well. Yeah. Like, I envision if I'm at a bar and I'm talking to Ron, like, I could maybe get some butterflies in my tummy talking to him. I'm just being honest. Good, he sounds cool. Man, are you crazy? In on Ron, giving him a nine. Holy cow. Ron, great score. Hold on the line, okay? I will.
We're playing Do You Sound Black. No, we're not. We're playing Do You Sound Hot, the guy edition. Do You Sound Hot, the guy edition. Yes. P1, Armando? Hey, what's going on? Hey, how are you, Armando? Hey, man, you guys and me make me laugh all day. That's right, man. Hey, listen, Armando, Sky's going to ask you some questions, but do you have a tan? I do. Okay, good. Go ahead, Sky. Stupid Mikey. His name's Armando. That's a natural term just to let you know. See? Come on. Okay, Armando, do you enjoy sports? I do, matter of fact. What's your 40 time? Shut up. No, my question is, what is your favorite sport and favorite team? Be honest. Am I aiming for truthfulness or am I aiming for my score? Because I already know we have some contradictory opinions in my answer. Are you a Raiders fan? Yeah, I can hear it in your voice. Yes, I am. Yes, probably I will say I am. Yep, he is. Living locally here in Escondido. Ah, what up, North County? I'm following the Chargers, and the Chargers are quite interesting to watch. There you go. Interesting to watch. Were you... That's a great way of saying they suck. Roman Obin? Roman Obin, thank you. Yeah, Roman Obin. Too bad he got hurt in the last game, you know, because as soon as I heard him go down, you know, I thought about you, Scott. I was like, oh, man, this girl's going to be crushed.
Thank you. That's nice of you to think of me. He went down. Shut up. So were you born in... Mexico? No, that's not my question. He said he lives in Escondido. Fine. San Ysidro. So were you born in the county? No matter of fact... And by county, I mean Oaxaca. Shut up. I want to hear your answer. I'm sorry, Armando. What's your... Alisco? Morocco, Africa. By county, I meant the pen. Shut up. Okay. You're a Mexican. I'm ready to score. Well, Armando, I didn't like the Mexican affectation. Didn't do much for me. That's your heritage. I know, but I don't like it. Not hot to you? Not hot. Weird. I give you a three. Hey. Eddie? I could do it with a three, but ask Pastor Rob. He's the one who's offering to throw out kisses to make our way. Okay, okay, Armando. He's right. Go ahead, Eddie. Boy, I don't know. He seemed okay. But not as cool as the other guys. I don't. Dude, this sucks. How do you do this? I don't even know how to do this. What do you think I do every single week, you guys? Come on, suck it up. He had a lot of confidence like him before. Sean? I found him to be very intriguing.
Oh, my. I like it. I found his accent to be stimulating. Really? Exotic? It was exotic, Mikey. I'd like to strangle you. All right. All right. But in a good way. Okay, well, then. Sean, you're joking. I'm going to give you a nine, bro. Oh, huge score. Good looking out, brother. Good looking out. Nice. Good looking out. Sky. Enjoy Armando. Sounds like a wonderful man. Yeah, Armando, you sound wonderful. A wonderful man. He does. He sounds very, very nice. Sean, at least I'm not telling people I want to strangle them. You never said that. In a good way. Oh, yeah, I did. Dumb. Armando, I'm in on the accent. I enjoy the Mexican-ness in you.
Not Hispanic-ness? Oh, yeah, that's what I said last time, Hispanic-ness. Oh, NPC of you. Whatever. And, yeah, I'm in, but not all the way in, so I'm going to give you an eight. Hey, thank you very much, guys. You're welcome. Hang on the line, all right? All right. Tabulate the scores. Can't wait to hear what they look like. Give us a little music while we wait. What is that? What kind of waiting music is that? Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the first ever male version of Do You Sound Hot is P1, Ron Diablo. None of us care. Ron, yeah. Ron, you're a winner. You're a winner, bro. Right on. Hang on. I'm like reigning champion forever. All right. I can't wait to hear what you look like. I bet. I can't. All right, let's find out. All right. Let's get it. Well, we got to do this. Yes, we do. At the end of everything. We get to find out what they actually look like. Where is it, Ashley? Press page down. Is your mic not on? You were in there talking and your mic wasn't on. Can you not figure that out? I'm like, why can't you hear me? Oh, man. She's learning. She's learning. Press page down? It's at the top of the wall page. There's like a thing that says page down. And if you press it, then they should be there. I see a bunch of stuff that says Tori Spelling, Tiger Woods.
I want to hear what they look like. See, this is the kind of stuff we have to do on the air because we don't leave the air. Oh, Papa, you're so dumb. Papa, your stupidity really gets boring. All right, I think I found it. I have 28 hours of this crap. I think I'm going to just kill myself if I have to hang out with Mr. Stupid Host for another 28 hours. All right, here we go. P1 Victor first. He's the guy that goes to Albertsons to party. Yeah, he does. Hi, my name is P1 Victor. I'm 29. I have dark brown hair, dark brown eyes. And I'm 5'11", weigh 175 pounds. And I'm half Mexican. Nice. Why didn't he finish the thought? Very nice. P1 Marty. Hi, I'm P1 Marty. I am 6'3", 180 pounds. Eyes are blue. Hair is brown. And I'm 21. Guys. Thin. Sounds like an Ashley guy. Tall, thin. Yeah. That's my type. There he is. And P1 Armando. Let's hear P1 Armando. This is P1 Armando. I'm 25, Mexican. I'm 5'10". Got brown hair, brown eyes, mustache coat teeth, and I weigh around 160. Sounds good, too. Yeah, Sky, it's a buffet for you. Finally, Ron Diablo. The winner.
Hi, this is P1 Ron Diablo. I'm 6'3", about 240. I'm 30 years old. I've got brown hair and brown eyes. Big dude. Yeah, very nice. Yeah, you sound great. You know, we're all very hungry. If you wanted to bring down any food, we wouldn't stop you, you know. By the way, my name's Sky. If you want to come into the studio to meet any of us. So this is now my secondary voice. What's the matter with your voice? Yeah, I now have a new voice. Sky 3. That's Sky 3. That's Sky 3. All right. Well, that was fun. We should do that more often. I'm in on that. That was excruciating. That's the bomb, dude. I never want to do that again. What, Bobby Curls? You can tell me on the air. No, it's hot. It's hot. Did you order something extra hot? No, I ordered that water for the herbal tea. Tea? But it got cold. I didn't drink it. Oh, hot tea. And hot tea. All right, I got to look at my deal. Oh, okay. I know what we're going to do. What are we going to do? I'm going to let people that are listening for the first time, because we're officially out of the time that we're regularly on the air. So we're going to let people hear the stuff we do around here. I'm going to let you hear a little something that we do called Tough Love with Eddie. Once a week, what we do is we get emails from people that are looking for advice, and they come to our producer, our sports guy, Eddie.
Well, I've known Eddie for years and years, and one thing that I've known all that time is that Eddie does tell it like it is. He gives you the truth. He doesn't placate you. No BS, dude. That's right. It is what it is. That's right. The truth. Tough love, Eddie. Tough love. That's what the segment's called. Tough love with Eddie. So weird. So without any further ado, our first letter. Dear Eddie. I've been in a relationship for three months now and am completely in love. I know this guy is the one. I want to get married to him so bad. I've been dropping little hints about it, but I don't think he's picking up on it. We're young. He's 22 and I'm 19, but when you know, you just know, right? Is there anything I can do to make him see that I'm the one he should spend the rest of his life with?
Signed, P1 Kim in City Heights. Eddie? Dear Desperate Housewives. Retard edition. Ah, so young, so dumb, and so annoying. You know, they're making them younger and younger these days, aren't they? How can you be 19 and already be a beating? I mean... You've been dating for three months and you want to get married? Let me break this down for you, sweetheart. Your boyfriend has no clue what is about to hit him. He's like those poor tsunami victims, you know? Seriously. Just kicking back, drinking a Mai Tai, not a worry in the world, and then bam, the end of it. He thinks he's banging a sweet 19-year-old, but no, actually he's dating the devil. So what are these little hints you're dropping?
Marry me or I'll get pregnant on purpose. No one said that. Very subtle. So all I can say is please send me his number so I can give this poor bastard the heads up and maybe save one innocent victim. Next letter. Probably loves her too. Thank God. Our next letter reads, Dear Eddie, I have a tough situation here. I recently moved to a new apartment house with a girl named Bitch. What? That should be her name anyways. Oh. She was... It's kind of hard to understand. I guess. She was cool when we moved here, but now she has something bad to me every time I walk in my own house. What the hell? For a roommate, she really sucks. She complains I smoke too much pot and eat her food. What a liar, man. She should try to smoke more if you ask me. Plus, she was on phone making fun of Asians and I'm Asian, man. Are you kidding me? What should I do? Signed.
P1 Lee in Claremont. Oh, no. That was a real letter? Yes. Are you kidding me? Oh, no. Eddie? Yeah. Dear Long Duck Bong. Uh, what? Me, I don't understand you. I don't think I any English. Dude. Are you really in Claremont? I have a sneaking suspicion you live somewhere else. And it rhymes with near-a-day-sa. I don't even afford pot anyway. I thought Nas was pretty expensive these days. So many Hondas and not enough yen. Look, dude. You have a bad roommate. It happens. I mean, you think you have it bad. What about her? She's living with a Rastafarian Jackie Chan. All right, you want to get rid of her? Do what every Asian in Mira Mesa does to get rid of Whitey. Start cooking fish. Thank you very much. Our next letter reads.
So... Then, on the rebound... I dated a couple of other guys on the lot. Well, now I really blew it. Oh, no. I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of five months, who just happens to be the owner of the lot. What? Now, when I walk around the office, I get nothing but dirty looks and catcalls. Really? Uh-oh. I don't think any... should be able to respond. What can I do, Eddie? So surprising. Signed, P1 Alicia from Chula Vista. Eddie? You're around the office in 80 lades. Wow. I've heard of the office slept before, but you're doing it on a professional level. Nice work.
Okay, before we get started, I do have one question. How much for a French half and half? Or tops and tails? All right, all right, relax. How about a massage with full release? You don't know all the details. Look, Sky, there's nothing wrong, and there's no denying she's a complete whore. I mean, I've known prostitutes that do less business than her. The only thing that I make is... What I am curious about, though, is did the people buying the cars know that the back seats were already broken in? All right, honey, here's my advice. I think the best thing for you to do at this point is to cut your losses at the used car lock, pick out a nice corner in El Cajon, and set up shop. Oh, there it is. Oh, where? Oh, there it is. Where? I don't see it. It's over on the horizon. Oh, yes. Scott, you hear it and see it? I hope you guys are proud of yourself. It's the look and sound of healing. You're welcome, San Diego. There you go. I enjoyed that. That's a little tough love with Eddie. Scott, paying attention to every word. That's right. P1 Jason? Yeah. What do you want to say?
Hey, I just want to thank Mikey, man, for doing a 28-hour marathon, man. Oh, dude, thank you. Yeah. Hey, I'm at work all day long, and I got these two Mexican guys, dude. All they listen to is Mexican music all day. So when I heard you guys are doing the marathon, man, I'm cranking it up right now, dude. You know what, though? They're getting involved in it, man. They like it, too. Nice. Yeah, I just want to say thanks a lot, man. You got it, dude. Keep it up. You got it. Say it. You got to give me that. See? Hey, Ashley. Yo. See the first button three? Go all the way over, and you see how there's an empty space? Okay. On the first number three button? Yes. See how there's an empty space? Know what I want you to put there for me? What? I want you to put that Mexican music that we did that one time that's real accordion-like.