Mikeython - 2010 - Part 19
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Thursday December 16 & Friday December 17, 2010
THE MIKEYTHON takes the airwaves for twenty-eight straight hours! No recap is available as the entire epic event can be downloaded from various sources, mainly at www.mikeyshow.com. This concludes the weekly recap for the Mikey Show for 2010 since day one back in February. Every show, every day they were on the air live!
FM 94.9KBZTMikeython - 2010 - FM 94.9
dirty dancingcharity donationgirls gone wildmovie quotessex surveycat travel3d television healthelvis impersonatorhot sauce theftmidnight specialdonationcircumcised wiener
During the show, Kristen from San Diego joined the hosts to reminisce about watching Dirty Dancing on VHS, while Woods and Mikey debated the film’s merits. Later, Mike and Lana Plank made a live plea for donations to Rady Children's Hospital, and the crew laughed about a survey claiming 13% of men would give up sex for booze. Other memorable moments included a story about a cat that trekked from New Mexico to Chicago, a warning about 3D TV health risks, and a bizarre tale of an Elvis impersonator stealing hot sauce.
What happened, in order
Dirty Dancing tea chat
Host and Kristen from San Diego reminisce about watching Dirty Dancing on VHS, joke about the movie, and pretend to be cool for a friend named Woods.
Charity donation plea
Mike and Lana Plank ask listeners to donate $1,000–$3,000 to Rady Children's Hospital Autism Discovery Institute, noting their judgment may be impaired from drinks.
Girls Gone Wild infomercial regret
The host recounts buying the Girls Gone Wild collection while drunk, being unable to cancel, and receiving the whole set repeatedly in the mail.
Circumcised wiener joke
The host recalls a hilarious line about a circumcised penis from a movie, crediting L.O.B. for repeatedly asking if things are getting closer.
Sex vs. booze survey
The crew debates a survey claiming 13% of men would give up sex for booze, reacting with disbelief and joking about the number.
Cross‑country cat tale
Listeners describe how a microchipped cat named Charles traveled from New Mexico to Chicago, possibly hitchhiking or riding trains.
3D TV health warning
The host discusses Samsung’s health warning about 3D televisions causing nausea, convulsions, and other side effects, especially for vulnerable viewers.
Elvis impersonator hot‑ sauce theft
A caller describes a man breaking into a house, drinking hot sauce by the gallon, and being mistaken for Elvis Presley by the homeowner.
People mentioned
KristenPhil KormanWoodsMikeyLaurenJayColinLana PlankMike PlankJocker AlejandroRyanMacL.O.B.Sean
9,150 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Yeah. You want some, uh, we got the throat coat? I want, like, regular tea. Like some, just tea? Like Earl Grey. English breakfast. Black tea. I love it. Just a spot of cream. Yeah, just a spot of cream, and I'll just order out. Do you take one lump or two? I take one, but we're not talking about sugar. That's true. I want to, uh, I want to smoke a cigarette. Have some tea. You are crashing. I can hear it. You're crashing. I'm going to tell you what you do. I can help you because I have done the early energy drink and there's a way to get out of it. I only had a sip. No, I know. But that was enough in that sip. It says right on the bottle that there's enough caffeine in one of those things as a couple of glasses of big... Right. So I had a sip of coffee. No, no, no, dude. You had a big, tall glass of coffee. No. It's weird. It says on here too, do not under any circumstances, if you've been broadcasting for at least 13 hours, even take a sip. If this is two cups of coffee and I had, I literally went like that. I had like a quarter cup of coffee. Kristen from San Diego. Hi. Is this bookworm? No. Okay.
I thought you were Kristen Marshall. Phil Korman never calls in anymore. I think she's listening to the DSNC. The DSNC? What's going on, Kristen? Oh, we just followed along with you guys with Dirty Dancing. And that was the first time we had ever done that. We've listened to the 28-hour show before, but never stayed up and done the movie. And we actually had to do it on VHS, which was the long run. Oh, wow. Oh, no. So we had to go old school and hook up the VCR and everything for that. So did you watch along with us? We totally watched along. And I was so bummed because when your projector went out, it was one of the funniest parts. Because they're doing like the bunny hop on the lawn. Oh, my gosh. Like extras are or whatever. And then they go to where they're climbing all over the floor. singing to each other in the dance studio. Oh, I know it. Oh, it was terrible. It's such a terrible movie. It was terrible, but it was very... No, it's not terrible. Hey, listen. Oh, it's terrible. It is not. My husband's dying that he had to sit through that, but it's one of my favorites. I love it. Oh, me too, Kristen. I love it. You know, I am doing something I rarely do, which is I'm pretending. I'm pretending because I want my friend Woods to think I'm cool. Are you assing me right now?
It wasn't as bad. Oh, dude. I thought it was going to be great because everybody raves about it. It was god awful. I didn't think it was bad at all. You didn't? Yay! Most homosexual men don't. Okay. I'm just saying. I kind of liked it. You liked it because it's phenomenal. I liked it because it was, you know, it kind of had a charming story. Yeah, and it's nostalgic. There's nice music in there. It reminds me of when I grew up in the 60s. I have to admit, like, when we were watching the part at the end where they were playing The Time of My Life, like, I kind of didn't want to talk because I was enjoying it. Oh, I gotta go. And I was like, I was kind of like, shut up. It's a coming of age story. Like, it was making me feel good. Yeah, it makes you feel really good. Terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible. Why do you have, why do you be so hot? It was so bad. It is the same thing as Footloose. Oh, no. Don't even.
Dare to put that in the same category as Footloose. Woods. Yeah. The only difference between this movie and Footloose is that Kevin Bacon is cooler than Pat Swayze. Pat. Way cooler. He is. He is. But you have to admit, there is some similarities there. You know, they're both dancing and, you know. They're both defying authority. Defying authority. You know, there is some similarities. Yeah, but. You know, Bacon's dancing. Bacon's cooler. It's like a cool dancing kind of. And it's like, right? It's more rock and roll. It's more rock and roll. It's not merengue. I hear what you're saying right now. I figured it out. It's not merengue and samba. Okay, but my friend Woods just said. It's cooler. Because dancing is kind of cooler. I figured it out. Cooler. Cooler. I figured out what the difference is. One of the movies Woods likes. The other one he doesn't. Yes. So that's what makes it cooler. Cool. Right. You know that. I liked it. I'm glad you did. I'd watch it again. Oh, yeah. Never. I'm glad I got it out of my system. I can say that. And you're talking to a guy who doesn't like to watch old movies that don't stand the test of time. Oh, that's one of them. Now, L.O.B., I will tell you, I wouldn't watch. I would watch it like, I could see watching it if I was homesick. Yeah. I could see watching it. If it was on TV, I'd watch it. I cycle between that and Almost Famous.
Hey, listen, I've watched some other ones. You know what I think that movie was better than? You'll probably even kill me for this, LLB. Because also, I've seen other shows on the 28-hour show that I, you know, had never seen. I've seen other movies on the 28-hour show I'd never seen. I thought that was better than Karate Kid. What? You are out of your ever-loving mind. Karate Kid was kind of a cheeseball story. That was kind of an interesting story. Well, I have to... put them in sort of the same category because I was around the same age. That was kind of an interesting story. And I thought it was really weird. The abortion stuff was weird. And I thought that was kind of interesting. Shocking for them. I don't understand the rules. I want to go home. I don't understand the rules. It's the greatest. Karate Kid's one of my favorite movies. I don't remember that much about seeing Karate Kid. I saw it two years ago. I'll remember that. I think you're BSing right now. That movie was pretty memorable. I think you're looping, and I think your blood sugar's too high, and I think you're losing your mind. There was some memorable stuff about that film. I think that the abortion stuff was real weird and creepy and memorable. I think that Swayze was so over-the-top, dorko, gay waiter, dancer.
That I can never forget it. The premise is terrible. And you know what? He actually played that role pretty good. Oh, dude, the guy's an incredible dancer. Yeah, he's played the role pretty good, though. I have several admissions I'd like to make about this movie. Okay. Number one, when I was a kid, so for years, I didn't know they were talking about abortion. You didn't? I had no idea what they were saying when they were like, take care of it. And then she was like, oh, like I had no idea. No idea. Did you think she was just, like, sick? Yeah. I would have, too. And then I was like, what do you mean? Like, I knew what knocked up meant, but I was like, so then what happened to the baby? Like, I had no idea. Right. For the longest time. So when I found out, I was like, oh, my God. Oh, wow. The other admissions are, I will be going to that vacation spot one day. It's in Virginia or North Carolina. Probably doesn't look as cool now. Colorado, the Overlook Hotel. Yeah. It's either in, there's parts of it that are filmed in North Carolina. Oh, it'd be, it can't look that cool now, though. I know people that have been there before. Yeah, but it's 30 years ago. Nostalgia, they don't care. They go for the experience. I want to see it. And number three, like, when I was a kid, I was like, that's going to happen to me. My parents are going to take me on vacation. You're going to fall in love with that boy. You're going to make love to him. He might be a dancer. He might be a singer. And then the last thing. Might be a serial killer. Yep. The last thing I'd like to admit is that.
I wanted that to be my wedding dance. I've had the time of my life. I wanted to learn the lift. I wanted to learn every move. You judge her. No, but then I found out that that's the thing. I appreciate you. Dozens of girls. If you look on YouTube, I'm like, oh, great. I would laugh. It would be a dream come true. Me? No, the girls that would do it. Oh, yeah. Come on. Come on. Steal ideas. Don't be a D. Yeah. She goes, you just call me a D. I'd be, well, like, you want to dance to the dirty dancing stuff. You want to do the same thing? What, do you want me to lift you? Oh, my gosh. Yes, you do. It's romantic. Easy, Chubbs. Come on. Do you want me to lift you? Can I be an enemy? Oh, man. Every girl wants to do the lift. Not every. The lift? Not every. That's how Kim and I met. You did the lift? She was my adagio player. Oh, yeah. How many times the adagio story? What is the adagio? You know, it's like the first time for Lauren. It's like, you did? What's adagio? It's like a type of bread. No, it's a way of making love. It's called, it's the lift. It's what you do. Why did you do that? Because we were water skiers. See, it's like, they were water skiers, cocaine smokers. You know, they were just all over the place. Why are the lights so sexy in here? I like it. It's making me tired. Which is weird. That's your bit to me when I want them down.
You're crashing, my friend. I'm not crashing. I feel fine. I feel like a million bucks. He won't admit it. There's nothing to admit. I feel great. We're ready when you guys are. I'm having a good time. We're not going to do any sort of rearrangement? Come on, dude. Give her. Happy birthday. Really? Really? It's late. Oh, my gosh. Karma swung right around real sweetly. Jay, has there been any rearrangement of the chair since we last talked? I didn't know he won it. This man went from happy, go lucky, funny, having a great time. I'm having a good time. Don't put me in the spotlight. I feel fine. I'm not crashing. Somebody put baby in the corner. Don't put me in the freaking corner, dude. M1 Jocker from National City. Are you there? Are you there? Hey, Mikey. What's up, man? What's going on? How's it going, dude? Nothing much. I just took my last final. All right. and I wanted to make sure that I tried to give you guys a call. I took it, and I think I aced it, and I just wanted to say, what's up, Woodsy? Hey, what's up, dude? What's up, what's up, dude? Living the dream, pal. What's up, Ryan? Hey, what up, Jocker? I like Jocker. He's a good dude. Jocker Alejandro. What's up, man? Just trying to relax, trying to grab a couple drinks. What's that like? Trying to celebrate the semester. There you go. All right, Jocker, we got to go.
M1 Plank from San Diego. Yo. Hey, what's up? What's going on? What's going on? It's Mike and Lana Plank. We're just calling to tell you our interpretation of dirty dancing. You guys have had a couple of cold ones tonight. What's your interpretation? My name's Baby. Hi, Colin. My boyfriend's a beefcake. He lifts me up in the water. Oh, that is like dead on. It's great. It's fantastic. Good job. Hey, listen, since you've had a couple of drinks, would you mind going to MikeyShow.com and donating $1,000 to Rady Children's Hospital Autism Discovery Institute? I know that you've had a couple of drinks. Right now, your judgment is a little impaired, and I'd like you to give $3,000 to Rady Children's Hospital Autism Discovery Institute.
Go to MikeyShow.com. When you click on the donation now, you're going to see a picture of my cute little boy, Jake. And I would like to beg you to please go to MikeyShow.com right now and give a gigantic... Okay, listen. You ever got drunk, guys or girls? You ever got drunk? Yeah. Okay. You're a guy. You go out. You hook up with some girl that you're not proud of the next day. Yeah. Okay. If you're a girl and you go out and you have a couple of pops and you end up sleeping with some dude that you're not so proud of yourself and you're doing the walk of shame back to your car and you feel like dirt. How would you like to have good remorse the next day? Oh, yeah. You know, you've had a couple of pops. You go online, you go to Mikey show.com and you wake up the next morning and you go, Oh my goodness. I gave $3,000 to the autism discovery Institute last night. But what a good feeling of remorse. You did something really kind and nice. That would be different. That would be definitely a bit different. You're being different. I had a couple of pops one night, came home and was laying on the couch and was flipping through the channels and saw this.
Amazing product on TV. It's called Girls Gone Wild. Bought it. Realized I bought it the next day. And then they kept coming in the mail. And I had the whole collection of Girls Gone Wild. Just a drunk idiot? Yeah, couldn't cancel it. Maybe I bought... The Rosetta Stones. How to speak Greek? No. When you were drunk. Speak it to us right now. Because I was drunk. Do you want to join a fraternity or something? Or Spanish or something. Those are not cheap either, my friend. No, they sure aren't. Especially when you forgot you ordered them. Oh, you're like, what the hell is this doing in the mail? What is that? I overdrafted. I had three grand in my account. How am I overdrawn the next day? Woodsy, you ever heard, you ever seen an infomercial for Time Life's The Midnight Special? Not The Midnight Special, but I've seen, I love Time Life books. Love them. No, but do you know what The Midnight Special is? No, that's what I'm saying. I've never heard of that one. You'd lose your freaking mind. What is it? Dude, back in the 70s.
Late 70s, early 80s. They had this show that came on at like 1230 in the morning. And it was called the Midnight Special. And I don't know what network it's on. ABC, NBC, one of them. And they would be like, one week, it would be, ladies and gentlemen, Captain and Tennille. Bam, yep. Bam, Captain and Tennille. The next week, ladies and gentlemen, KISS. CDs you're talking about. DVDs. Oh, DVDs. DVDs do performances. Ladies and gentlemen, Fleetwood Mac. Huge band. Dude, huge band. They have a thing like that called Austin City Limits that they show it on PBS all the time. I'll be flipping through them like, oh, there's Ryan Adams at Austin City Limits. One of my favorite Austin City Limits is, you don't like him, but Stevie Ray Vaughan. Yeah. It's great, man. I can't believe you don't like Stevie Ray. He's a great guitar player. Just hate his songs. M1 Mac and Point Loma still with us. How you doing? Wow. Good. How you guys doing? I'm doing great.
Terrific. I've been waiting to make it all the way. I've got two finals tomorrow, but they're both after the show finishes. Wow. There you go, man. I'm hoping to hang on, but I just wanted to say great job. I'm loving it. I've been with Mikey for probably, I think, four or five 28-hour shows now. That's awesome. And so far, I think that was my favorite movie. That's up there with Titanic from a few years back. Oh, that would be great to watch. You know what? I told you guys the line. It's still my favorite line ever from... A movie. Watching a movie. The old woman in Titanic is looking into a microwave. And she sees her reflection in the microwave. And I said, that's the most curious mirror. That was brilliant, Mikey. It was one of my favorite moments. There's always little moments. Like, I'll remember Woods. You had a line. I know this one. And I couldn't stop laughing. The circumcised penis. Yes. The circumcised wiener. And freaking L.O.B. Oh, L.O.B. got me a couple times real good. Oh, dude. L.O.B., you are good at this. I didn't feel good at it. Oh, yeah. I felt good at the beginning and then terrible at the end. And then I started everything before I would say it, I'd think about it. Shut up, idiot. My favorite thing about L.O.B., she kept saying, is this getting closer? Is everybody getting closer to me? Yeah.
Thank you for the call, Mac. Jay had the killer line of the universe, too. Jay said everything that happens at dance club stays at dance club. The first rule of dance club is you don't talk about dynamite. How dare you? How dare I? I'm the one. I'm here. Not curled up in the bed. We made an agreement. He's got a baby. Guy ever just get grumpy in his pajamas? His first baby ever born. Perfect. Guy ever just get grumpy, throwing drops in his eyes, wearing pajamas? Yes. This is my wife. And that's the thing. You're like, you're crashing, you're crashing. No, this is Woods on no sleep. I'm scared of Tired Woods. And we have 10 hours. Tired Woods is the worst. I want one of those five hour things. You're going to be like, Woods, I need you to... To really represent doing next year's 18-hour show for you, you're going to be like, you're going to have to go home. You're terrible. This is my wife. She deals with this crabby woods, hungry woods. It's the worst. I have my period. Maybe you can do something and it'll change it. I'm going to try. I'm really going to try. Go for a run. Or rise above. You want to go smoke a cigarette? Yeah, I think so. Let's get some fresh air. Yeah, I need some fresh air. All right. Well, we'll do this then.
I will play a little best of bit here that we have. And then we will come back and we will start the movie. What are we going to do? Waterworld. Yeah, we're going to watch Waterworld. And I got a new projector for us up here. So it's not going to be all blurry. Awesome. Third one. We're going to rearrange the seats so that we don't have to be like sardines. Do whatever you want. Happy birthday. Something's changed. It ain't hard to define. Jesse's got himself a girl. Mikey. Yeah. What do you think of? Immediately. Immediately. Does your skin crawl like mine does? When I hear Rick Springfield? This song. I probably think of something different than you do. No way. I think I think of that he was on a soap opera. He was on a... He was on General Hospital. You know what I'm talking about. Jesse's Girl? Oh, a movie. A movie. Yes. What movie was that in? What movie?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was in the movie Boogie Nights. And was it the scene where he was lighting off the fireworks? Wasn't Cosmo was lighting off fireworks? And that guy's smoking that pipe and he's just high and he's creepy. Paul Thomas Anderson directed a movie called Boogie Nights. And in the movie, he does things that make your skin crawl. Crawl. Have you seen it? Yeah, I've seen Boogie Nights. Oh, my God. He does. For no apparent reason, they go to do a drug deal and he's trying to make you tense. He's trying to make you tense during the drug deal. It worked. That is so tense. So for no apparent reason, he's got a guy. He's got this Loatian kid named Cosmo. Chinese. Chinese guy in the living room for no reason. Just lighting firecrackers. Lighting black can. And Jesse's girl's playing. And every time I hear it, I'm like... Do you know anyone named Jesse or someone who's dated a Jesse and had that, their song, and their ringtone? No, but oddly enough, I knew a Chinese guy that used to throw off firefighters in the living room for no apparent reason. You know that that song, Jesse's Girl, has what is widely regarded the worst line in a song ever. What's that?
I want to tell her that I love her, but the point is probably moot. What's wrong with that? It's probably the worst line in the history of lyrics ever. What's wrong with that? Moot means it's like a futile point. I was an English major. I know what moot means, but you don't use it in a rock and roll song. I agree. I want to tell her that I love her, but the point is probably moot. I think it's cool. Oh, Lauren. I go, come on, bro. Why don't you keep reworking the line? Yeah, yeah. Figure something else rhymes with cute, right? Right. Shoot. Parachute. Flute? I mean, if you're Rick Springfield's girlfriend and he's running ideas past you, don't you go, I don't know. It's kind of like what we do with our wives with bits. Hey, honey, this is really funny. They look at us and they just go, mm-mm. Sometimes my wife will just get that squint on her face and she'll go, mm-mm. What if you were Rick Springfield's friend named Jesse? Maybe he runs it by you and you're like, wait a second. Yeah. Wait. You want a taste of my girl? Trying to get a piece. Yeah. How does he feel about it? Okay. So before we went to break, I said percentage of men that would give up sex for booze. Zero. It's greater than zero. Any guesses here? One. It's more. Ten. More than ten. What? What is it? Thirteen. No way.
What was that? There's a cat in here. Mikey, it's okay. It's okay, buddy. It's still a good show. He's trying to hit buttons and it's not working. Buck up, little camper. It's okay. Nothing's working. Nothing's working today. I'm just going to hit buttons. I'll just start hitting stuff. As Sean were here, this never would have happened. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the mundane. Do you think? Maybe I do. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays. Don't you just want to hit her? That's so bad. Percentage of men that would give up sex for booze is? 13%. Wow. No way. 13%? Yes. I know what's interesting about that is that last week we were talking about the New York Yankees.
We said, Woods, what would you give up in order to play in the World Series for the Yankees and win a ring? Play a whole year, every game. What did you say? Anything. I said, would he be celibate? Did I say that? I don't know if I said celibate. I said I would never booze again. No. Absolutely. Not a drop. He said he would never. Did I say celibate? Yep. You did. I don't know. My wife's probably not very pleased about that, but hey, I got a World Series ring. He said he would never slay again. Slay, yeah, that was the exact word he used. And what? If I walked in here and I had a Samsonite bag full of crisp just from the press, $100 bills wrapped in the paper that said hundreds. Okay. And it equaled $20,000. Okay. Would you take that or playing in the World Series for the Yankees and winning? Playing in the World Series for the Yankees and winning. $100,000. I bring in another Samsonite.
$100,000. Playing for the Yankees in the World Series and winning. 100%. We make it. A million dollars. No, I wouldn't do it. I'd take the Yankees. Really? A million in cash? I get to play 162 games plus the playoffs and play well and win the World Series? Yeah, I'm taking the Yankees. A representative from Bank of America walks in here. I want you to think of this as real. Not rhetorical. This is real. A representative from Bank of America walks in here. They have a notary with them. And on the phone is Donald Trump and he says, I'm going to wire $2 million to your account right now. I'd take the $2 million probably. You would take the $2 million? I could live off the interest of the $2 million for the rest of my life very comfortably. Very comfortably. So that's your price? $2 million? $2 million is probably my price. I have a list of more things guys would give up. Give them. Okay. Don't look at the list, cheater. Cheater.
30% of men would give up sex for, and I don't really believe this one, but it says romance. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Are you kidding? That's what a woman would give up. That's what a woman would give up. Yeah. Oh, a woman. No, no, that says. That's what a man would. And this is from limelife.com. Hmm. 30% of men. Would give up sex for romance. Isn't the whole point of romance so that you guys can have sex? Yeah. They must be doing it wrong. Yeah. Well, here's the thing. You know, I don't want to give up. You can't give me something that I would give up with that with my wife. No way. Are you kidding? Yeah. 27% of men would give up sex for a BMW. What? You're liars. That's ridiculous. I don't believe them. I don't believe it either. 10% of men would give up sex for a 50-inch high-def TV. They're not thinking about it. Mikey. I bet you they're being presented. They're like. Options. Here's the BMW. Just say it. You think? Just say you'll give up. Mikey. I'm going to get to one and you're going to be on it. I bet they did. Yeah. I bet they did do that. Stand in front of the BMW. Do you think it would make a difference if somebody was actually presenting it to you? Right. No? Not for a beamer or romance. Heck yeah. Heck yeah. Lauren, you'd never slay again for a beamer. No, no, no. These are men. I'm just saying these men. These men. That are like drooling over a BMW that have been like dreaming about having it. They're like dangling the keys in front of their face. Just.
It's yours. Just say the word. You'll give up sex. Weird, creepy, but I bet that's probably it, right? I don't know. What else? 10% of men would give up sex for Facebook. What? Come on. What does that mean? In other words, they have to make a choice. They say you either have to give up Facebook or sex. Mikey, I'm going to get to yours where you're going to have a problem. Really? Well, I'm telling you, that's probably 10% of men that aren't having sex. So to them, they're like, eh, it's a wash. No problem. 9% of men would give up sex for their cell phone. Wow. 9% of men would give up sex for bacon. Can I just tell you? Wow. You know how there are some women who have an affinity for chocolate? And you hear about that, like their thing is chocolate. Guys don't have it. Women do. Well, that's the next one. Chocolate? Yep. Okay, so chocolate is a thing for women. Did you know that bacon is a thing for guys? I'm not surprised. Some guys. They make bacon flavored cologne. Yeah. But they do say, medically, they do say when women eat chocolate, it produces the same chemical reaction. That love does. Love making will produce. Love making. Is it? I thought it was love. It might be love.
Yeah, well, it produces a chemical that is very similar. Lauren, lovemaking makes me feel really uncomfortable. If you're going to call it something, just call it slaying. Sex. Slaying. Slaying. Call it slaying. Not slaying. Let's keep it classy, dude. No lovemaking. Intimacy. It's men and women being intimate. Obsession. I hate that word. Obsession. Eight percent of men would give up sex for chocolate. Who's that guy? Yeah. I'm not making this stuff up. Adam Lambert just walked by that guy and went. Gay. Gay. The last one, Mikey. I'm a little nervous. Laptop. Laptop. 7% of men would give up sex for their laptop. It's one or the other. One or the other. M1 Chris says, this list is killing me. Right, Chris? No, I mean, this survey is taken from a group of eunuchs. I mean, seriously. Either that or like, you know, this young metrosexual. trend or something, but I think you're right, Mikey. They're not thinking it through. These guys think like for two weeks or something. It's a bunch of dudes sitting around their computer playing Halo going, that's fine with us. Hoyle's like, take it. I don't care. I'm more than happy to cut off my bean bag. Yeah, seriously. Sorry, over the top there. Thank you, Chris. You guys kind of sounded like Garrett. He did. I'll cut my bean bag off. There's a list for you. Back in Detroit, we didn't have bean bags.
My day just left my body. It just left my body. And I watched it float into the air. You did. I saw that. Bye-bye day. I am wildly inappropriate today. She is off a rocker today. She had sugar. Let me tell you. I love when she's like... Is that what it is? It's because she has sugar. She's not used to it. I just looked at her. She had crazy eyes. She just looked at me right now and she was like... Look at her. I had yum yum. High on sugar every day. It's my favorite. My goodness. Jamie will call me and be like, did Lauren have some donuts this morning? Because she was very, she was hysterical. I know, it's my favorite. Talk about the cat? Oh, yeah, I didn't tell you about the cat. Cat left New Mexico. A year later, turned up. Yeah, eight months later, to be exact. Where? But Charles the Cat left New Mexico, disappeared, and was found.
Roaming the streets of Chicago. That is insane. I don't believe that the cat walked there. Was he microchipped? He was microchipped. They know it was him. An official said if he walked the whole way, his paws don't show it. He didn't. The owner did say Charles loves riding in cars. Really? Yeah. So maybe he hitchhiked. Hitchhiked, yeah. Isn't that a movie with Winona Ryder? No. Riding in cars with cats is not the name of the movie. You're thinking of Milo and Otis. It's got Drew Barrymore in it. It's called Riding in Cars with Cats. It's called Riding in Cars with Boys. It's really great. Michael, it's called Riding in Cars with Boys. It's crazy. Imagine those summer past, autumn past, winter past. I wonder if it got on a train. No, somebody... A little hobo cat. I wonder if it got on a train with a stick and a little bandana tied to the end of the stick with all of its belongings in it. And then hopped on the train. A hobo cat. One little ball and he's hitching around. I'm saying they get in the crazy place. Yeah.
Cute little cat. My wife moves here. I can't wait until I get it. But I have a harmonica. I'm bringing it in. The cat made it 1,300 miles, though. It's pretty nuts. Somebody found it, probably, right? And moved to Chicago. They don't know. And then found wandering the streets. Whoa. I picture John Voight in Midnight Express sitting on that train. This summer. John Voight and a cat travel from New Mexico all the way to Chicago. Oh, my God. Hail the cab. Oh, that's good. You see a cat on the back of a motorcycle. A leather jacket. We have officially derailed.
He did a little sidecar of the motorcycle. Thank you, Yum Yum Donuts. Thank you, Yum Yum Donuts. It's Charles the Cat. I will take you every morning, Yum Yum. You slayed me. I picture the cat in the sidecar. Scarf blowing in the wind. Goggles? Yeah. While Simon and Garfunkel do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Cat runs into the church. He's like, meow. The handlebars of a bike. The back of a cop car. Cats flying a plane. A biplane. A Red Baron biplane. You know that 3D TV we were talking about that everybody thought that I would want to get? Of course, you'll have one. Somewhere you'll have it. I'm telling you, man. Your kids will make you get one soon. Some things I'm in on, some things I'm out on. 3D TV. You loved Alice in Wonderland, though. Really?
Michael! Awful. It was the worst. Well, those 3D TVs are making people sick. Or they can, right? Yeah, Samsung has just released a health warning telling everyone the dangers of watching the 3D television. Apparently, they're making warnings specifically to pregnant women, the elderly, children, and those suffering from serious medical conditions. People with epilepsy, probably. Vertigo, probably. Yeah, man. Of course. It's going to give you, it's got the strobe effect. Yeah. So it says that the side effects can be confusion, nausea, convulsions, altered vision, lightheadedness, dizziness, and involuntary movements such as eye or muscle twitching and cramps. Here's me playing any video game. Really? Yeah. I got sick after Avatar. Mikey, really? Oh, yeah. Can I have your PS3 then? Well, I could play certain games. Just let me have it. The Monopoly on Xbox. Just let me have it. It's awful. Jamie's like, no, don't let him have it. Any of those games that move around? Yeah. I agree. Absolutely. You want to know which airlines are vowing not to charge you for your carry-on? Yes, please. Who we got? We have...
Well, Spirit Airlines, we announced about two weeks ago, they were the ones that brought this issue. Yeah, that's when we thought you were making up the name. Nobody ever has flown that airline ever. Well, apparently people have, and they... They're the ones that started this. We're going to start charging for carry-on items. Southwest doesn't, right? No, no, no. Southwest doesn't charge at all. But five have come forward and said, we will not be charging for carry-ons because people are panicking. And they are American Airlines, Delta, JetBlue, United, and U.S. Airways. They say they will not. Will not be charging for the carry-ons. Good. Good. Unless your carry-on happens to be a very small Yorkie in which you will pay $250. It's a dog. Isn't that shocking? Your little Yorkies are $250? And they fit in a bag just like a carry-on. But yet I still have to pay. Jamie had to pay like $250. Wow. For one or all four? For two. My goodness. Isn't that insane? And they fit in one little bag. Yeah, but they just find a way to get you. They're a liability, though. They bark and they bark. No, they're not. Well, they are. That's why we as passengers, I mean, we pay.
They don't come out of the bag. They don't have their own seat. You're going to pay $2.50. Give them a seat. I don't know that your dogs won't come out of the bag. I think the airline doesn't know. You can say they won't. They don't. And I'll go, okay, great. Dude, it's zipped up. They could pee all over the carpet. Motion sickness. You know what that can cause. It's zipped up? They're zipped up inside a bag? Yes. There's like an air vent. Oh, really? Yeah. So if I'm paying that, shouldn't they have their own seat? They're in a bag that's zipped up. They're in a bag that's zipped up. But they could. defecate on the carpets. They can't. They're in a bag. It could go through the bag. It's not going through the bag. It's a leather bag. You defecate through leather. No, no, no. But what if they did and other passengers noticed? Or if some guy got hammered and spilled Bloody Mary all over my pants like that happened before. I think the chances of the dog doing that in the bag are greater than that. Zero. Really? Zero. No way. Our dogs get scared. My dogs don't. They sit there. But you know that about your dogs. The airline doesn't. So I still got to pay $250 for my dog. It's a lot. It's a lot. It is a lot. How about just a deposit in case they do it? In case they do it. That's a good idea. Jay, that would be lovely. That's a great idea. And here is your money back. I'm going to get on the air. I got the airline on the line right now. I'll take care of it. We thank you very kindly. That's brilliant. What about the guy in Memphis that apparently stole the little hot sauce? Is that the deal? Oh, yeah. It was a guy in Memphis. He didn't steal it. He broke into a house. He didn't?
Well, he kind of did. This guy in Memphis broke into a house on Saturday. The owner came home about 1 p.m. Saturday afternoon, found that his door had been pried open, went inside, noticed that some things were missing, and then noticed that some genius broke bottles of hot sauce against the wall. So he's like, what the heck? Is there someone in my house? He's looking around. He sees a guy run through the backyard, follows the guy, and sees him at the gas station, calls the cops because he notices that there's hot sauce all over the robber's clothes. Right. Genius. I wonder what that 911 call would have sounded like. What's your emergency? Yeah, my emergency, it's pretty urgent. All calls, ma'am, all calls to 911 are urgent. Yours is no more urgent than anybody else's. Okay, well, sir, there is an intruder in my house. I'm following him out now. He took a bunch of my ho-hos. He took some other sort of fluff that my husband had, and now he's sort of gotten into the hot sauce. I don't know what he's doing. He's drinking it down by the gallon, and now I'm following him out through the backyard. Ma'am, don't follow him. Don't be a hero. I'm not a hero. You read every day about some hero trying to, you know, foil crime. You're not Catwoman. I'm not trying to foil anybody's crime. I am just a homeowner, sir. Hey, dick!
over here give me let me let me talk to this guy and please go in the other room lock yourself in the bathroom okay here he is here he is uh-huh uh yeah who is this oh this is elvis presley oh this is elvis yeah uh-huh wow uh so what can i do for you do you think that you're elvis presley i know that i'm elvis Wow. Are you Elvis, or are you trying to be Eddie Murphy imitating Elvis? Because I've seen Eddie Murphy raw, too. I can do it also. Ready? We've got to win this race. See, I'm Elvis, too. Well, you're not better than me. Hey, Elvis, you want some lemonade? Lemonade. That cool, refreshing drink. I stole some hot sauce. Hello? Hey, Peter Pan, you're not Elvis Presley, buddy. Why don't you grow up? I'm Elvis Presley. So what are you doing drinking this lady's hot sauce, pal? I like hot sauce. I like hot sauce, too, but I'm not going to break into somebody's house and steal it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, I stole it. Hello? Stop singing to me like you're Elvis. You're not Elvis. Hello? I stole the hot sauce. I'm sending, like, five officers down there to arrest you right now just for that terrible Elvis impersonation. That's one of the worst I've ever heard.
I got to run, buddy. Okay. Take care, buddy. We'll be sending an officer down right now. Wow. Wow. What's going on in my face? Hello. Hello. Oh, wow. Wow, Sienna. Wow. Sienna's picking the music. You know how to put it in there. Miley Cyrus. See you again. Or maybe follow my advice. Yeah? I swear, if you bring that up one more time, I seriously might walk out. I go to bed with my wife in Yorkies. You know that one year, Sean walked out. He did? Yeah. What'd you do to him? What'd you do? He wanted to fly back to San Jose. That night? That day? Tell me this story. I don't know this story. Sean used to, for people that are listening that don't know who Sean is, Sean did sound effects on The Mikey Show. I miss him. And he used to laugh. I care less. I've cemented my conclusion.
He used to laugh like this. I've heard a podcast. Greatest laugh I've ever heard. He's got a big old belly laugh. Anyway, Sean, he's a very interesting cat. I consider him one of my best friends. And I understand him. uh, in a way that a lot of people don't, but I also, um, purposefully, uh, pushed buttons with Sean. Weird. And he did that too with me. He did it with everybody, but, uh, one time he came and was, uh, doing the, the 28 hour show. And Sean had things that he very strangely did not like to be teased about. Uh,
Oddly enough, he really just didn't like to be teased. He loved to tease, but he just didn't like to be teased. Those guys are tough. That was Sean. Now, Sean got mad one year. I think because I was making fun of 80s music. I was making fun of 80s music. Is that right? He's into it. He's a big 80s player. I love 80s music. What kind? Oh, Cure? The Cure. And I was doing this whole thing like... You know, you're a queen. You're gay. And I was just all over him about it. And he finally... He had enough. Yeah, he had enough. He walked out of the studio and he was calling Southwest. BS. Now, did you have to talk him down from the ledge? You did. Was he mad at you? What's he? You had to talk off ledges weekly. No kidding. Weekly. Weekly? Yeah. He was borderline unstable minus the borderline. Oh, wow. But I love him. I know you do. I miss him. You don't even know him, LLB. I never met him. I know how Mike he is, and I just don't see you putting up with it. You know? It's all worship for that laugh, I guess.
No, you know what it is? Is that I know him really personally, too. And this is what I know about him. He's extraordinarily clever and intelligent and funny. Really, really intelligent. And he's also very sensitive. And it's hard sometimes to... And everybody listening that used to listen to the old show will know this. It was delightful to drive him crazy. And that was the really tough part about it, is that I didn't want to upset him, but at the same time, it was freaking delightful. It brought joy to you. I know the feeling, because that's how I feel about you sometimes, that I love to get under your brown skin. Wow. Likewise. Yeah, I know. Likewise. Minus the brown. Maybe you don't take... Maybe I'll take five-hour energy three hours before I told you you should. You ever be a dad real good? Yeah, you ever just not listen to your friends? Waterworld. All right, you ready? All right, this is the theatrical version of Waterworld on DVD. We invite everybody that has it to put the movie in the player and have it on the menu. And when I say...
Play is when you're going to press it. So I'm going to say one, two, three, play. And you're going to hit play on your remote control. Are we ready? One, two, three, play. Now the worst movie ever made. I disagree. With brief nudity. I disagree. Oh, brief nudity. It's about time. Some intense scenes of bad movies. This may be the longest I've gone without seeing nudity since I was seven years old. Seriously, this streak. Well, our projector went out when there was just a tad bit of Patrick Swayze butt. Oh, wow. Great. That's too bad. So, we'll look forward to that. How did Waterworld come out? Same time, Color Me Bad, I think. 90-ish. Yeah. Remember, the special effects were supposed to be great. The best. Out of this world. Yeah. Well, I mean, the movie was supposed to be great, wasn't it? Hey, Africa. Hello, baby.
If I remember correctly, the universal thing, it goes to water. The planet goes to water. Yes. They show universal pictures and then the thing goes to water. Because it's water world. That's right. Great premise, right? It actually isn't a bad premise. I don't think. The world could be flooded. You know what's a good premise? Sound is a good premise. The future. Oh, there we go. The polar ice caps have melted. In a world. Covering the earth with water. Those who survived were either Mexican or cockroaches. Or Twinkies. Ever just step on your lines? Look at all that water. So there's no land to be found. No, that's Yuma. That's the opposite of Yuma. It's the opposite. Right. Man, I remember sitting in the theater and going, this is badass already. Yeah, me too. Until I saw... Until I saw the first, like, ten minutes. Until I saw Kevin Costner's getup. Yeah. You saw that boat and thought that this was badass? Yes. Yeah, I did. Saw a guy peeing into a thing. It was all bad, Blake. As soon as I saw the costuming, I knew I was in for a bad movie. Oh, yeah, that's nice. I was like, oh, look, warrant. Exit only. Warrant. It's dirty warrant.
There's Jay. Did Jay just ever convert urine into water? There's Jay making diesel. There's Jay making breakfast for Jasper. Shut up, boy. Oh, man, that is nasty. By nasty, you mean delicious. Tap it more than twice. You're playing with it. One of my favorites. Hey, Jay. Take that tree. You ever just super green it all? Was that cocaine in there? Why'd he just lick it with his finger and rub it on his gums? I like the earring. Anchor just got caught on the Sears Tower. Those are lutes. Got them from Patrick Swayze. That's actually what his duty was converted into. Little protein pellets. So did they actually have to sink the world to make this? Yeah, that's why it was so expensive. This is Karate Kid. You know what else was really expensive?
Hiring Zamphere to do the soundtrack. It's a master skin pan fluter. All right. This guy really is like Jay, just reusing stuff around the house. Hunter it. Get wrapping up, giving him his gifts. Do you know how appealing this life seems to me? Mikey. What is that? What are those? There's a timer. It might have to be a certain weight. Of course, Jay. He's got to build one. I built one from Jasmine. Well, he built this one. He built this for the movie. What are the lines for? Is he making beer? No, I think he likes to make this guacamole. That's the last Mexican joke this minute. Oh, really? And the next minute he can make another one. Okay. Really, Kevin? Ski boots. You know, Costner was a notorious woman sleeper with. He's a movie star. Why wouldn't he? Well, there's some of them that weren't. Name one. Paul Newman. Liberace. Your skin get real shrivel-y. Yeah.
Is this skin cancer? Hey, butt guy. Yes. Sounds like Rebecca falling in love with me. Yeah, it does. That. I'm not wearing any pants. And Mikey's cousin. Or maybe that's week time. What are you doing here? Just waiting. For what? An audition with the village people? Take it off. For the taco cart. I've seen your boat before. Seen your beans. Haven't seen you. Took it legal. Take it easy, gringo. The previous owner was dead on a tiller when I found it. You had another hour before I traded up again. Hungry? Just improving my beans. Well, I owe you then. No thanks. I got all the supplies I need.
Just came from an atoll. Eight days east if you're interested. Two drifts is meat. Something needs to be exchanged. I know the code. But I give you this one for free. No? What? Nothing's free in water world. Nothing's free in water world. You got that right. What about the water? Wouldn't they still just call it the world? Yeah, isn't it still world? It's world. Nothing's free in world. Oh. You ever just do Mad Max in the ocean? Yeah. You guys ever have to be dirt poor but have wave runners that still run on gas? Yeah. No problem. You ever wear a strainer on your head? What's in the bag? What's in the bag? It's not worth it. You never make it with your sails down. Hey, I've got your lines. Wait a minute. Those are... You? You son of a... Double check to make sure that they were the lines from your tree and not lines that he got somewhere else. Double check. Because it could have been from any lime grove. Right. In the Atlantic Ocean. It was Mikey's first pair of pants. Oh, really? We made that joke on the air, remember? Oh, boy. Pay for that later. Bye, later. You need five minutes. I've never seen that before. Woo! Woo!
This guy's like MacGruber of the ocean. MacGruber of the water world. What is that thing? Is he baiting them? It's bluey. I just remember now how dumb this movie is, but I thought I liked it. It was the wave rangers that were in the whole thing. And the pants. Why is that metal so rusty and they're just like brand new? It's a giant boat. It's a giant boat. You ever just have a catamaran but have nothing else? Yeah, a million-dollar catamaran that's supposed to look like you cost 12 bucks. A lime tree and a catamaran. Yeah, a lime tree and a catamaran. It's like me. Got the lewds. That's all the lewds you need. That's how I pick up golf balls out of the golf cart. Yeah, it is. You know? That's exactly how. Oh, they got him where they want him. Even if you rip anything off, where are you going to spend the lew? It's a piece of lime. Delicious limes. How did he find me? What's the point of all that? What's his mouth? It's a lighter. How does everybody know that puppy? We were paying attention. I think we saw the lighter. It's gorgeous, especially in the $8 Academy. Look at that thing. Nice, calm seas. Jeans. Floating. That set cost $80 million. Is that right? Something like that. Something like that? Holy crap. We're just wasting money.
I've got plenty of tin and junk. Yeah. I'd like to sell some pee. Ooh, dirt. Ooh, it's the good pee. Don't waste it, dude. A bucket. There's only that much left. Why would you just be throwing me everywhere? I know. He can get all he wants. He doesn't know where dry land is, right? He's been there, hasn't he? No. He hasn't been there. It's a giant clock. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I have a Price Club card. Is there Statler Brothers in here? Oh, that shark looks real. Is there a Disneyland? It's almost shocking what a turd this movie was. It's so much worse now. I love it. Excuse me. Hey, look at that idiot. Nice pants. Yeah, we grabbed it all.
Thank you. You know me? Yep, you're in a bad mood. I know what you are. Good. And you know if you look for trouble while you're here, you'll find more than you can handle. Well, uh... You've got two hours. Two hours in a while. I only need one. Those pants are off. Not if you're in slaughter. You ever just fly to the angels with this? Hey, twerps. How you doing? You see this? Beast on this. You need to get one. Everything's here. You want to see what poverty looks like? Look at this. The cocaine of 2050. Dirt. 3.2 kilos. Deer Tay. Deer Tay. How'd you come by so much of it? Don't worry about it. Another A1230 Horizons West of here. Where'd they get it? Are you Irish? They didn't say. I noticed you're bringing Quailoos. I noticed you have a snaggletooth too, Kevin.
make enough dough to get that straightened out? Smokers? Maybe smokers, maybe slavers. Listen, where can I find the podiatrist around here? Are we trading or not? We'll tally it like pure hydro.