Mikeython - 2010 - Part 24
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Thursday December 16 & Friday December 17, 2010
THE MIKEYTHON takes the airwaves for twenty-eight straight hours! No recap is available as the entire epic event can be downloaded from various sources, mainly at www.mikeyshow.com. This concludes the weekly recap for the Mikey Show for 2010 since day one back in February. Every show, every day they were on the air live!
FM 94.9KBZTMikeython - 2010 - FM 94.9
Mike's 1993 love lettersunrequited crushembarrassing poetrymusic cover debatecelebrity impressions28 hour radio marathonradiocomedylove lettersunrequited lovepoetrymixtape
Mike let Lauren O'Brien, Woods, Sienna, and the rest of the crew read the intensely earnest letters, mixtape notes, questionnaire, and poem he sent to Catherine in 1993. The funniest revelation was that Mike built an enormous romance around Catherine while apparently never meeting her in person, and the crew debated whether his lines were sweet, pathetic, or creepy. Later, Woods argued that Carrie Underwood should not sing Motley Crue, before Mike's Neil Diamond character demolished 'Landslide' and played an almost unrecognizable 'Hey, Soul Sister' on flute. Near the end of the 28-hour broadcast, Mike and the crew revisited the show's sleep-deprived stunts and emotional moments.
What happened, in order
Obese Mikey's Mixtape
Mike introduces the cassette and old letters he made for his crush Catherine, prompting the crew to roast his younger self's grand romantic ambitions.
Seven Deep Thoughts
Lauren reads Mike's midnight list of thoughts about Catherine, life, himself, family, love, money, and happiness while the room collapses into laughter.
Money, My Destiny
Mike's teenage philosophy declares love his 'thickest emotion,' money his destiny, and happiness a secret he cannot share, giving Woods and the others more material to ridicule.
Don't Let Me Go
After worrying about Catherine's other men, Mike's letter boldly argues that he is good for her and pleads, 'Don't let me go.'
Late-Night Poetry
Lauren performs Mike's melodramatic long-distance poem about Catherine's smile, imagined memories, regret, and emotional pain as the crew howls.
The Pen-Pal Twist
Mike admits that despite the intimate letters, poem, and mixtape, he may never have met Catherine in person.
How Sly Was Question Five
A numbered questionnaire culminates in Mike asking why Catherine skipped a movie with him and then congratulating himself on how slyly he slipped in the question.
Motley Crue Cover Fight
Woods rejects Carrie Underwood's version of 'Home Sweet Home' on principle because a woman is singing Motley Crue, while the others defend her voice and the cover.
Neil Diamond Sings Landslide
Mike launches into a rambling Neil Diamond impression that mangles 'Landslide' with pancakes, Froot Loops, and an increasingly absurd invented backstory.
The Mystery Flute Song
The fake Neil Diamond plays a chaotic flute quiz until Mike identifies the barely recognizable tune as Train's 'Hey, Soul Sister.'
Twenty-Eight-Hour Flashback
As the marathon broadcast ends, Mike recaps Woods getting his ear pierced, Lauren crying, Sienna holding a cat, his own Saran-wrapping, and the crew's other exhausted stunts.
People mentioned
MikeCatherineWoodsLauren O'BrienSiennaChrisJayCarrie UnderwoodVince NeilNeil Diamond
8,398 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Because you don't have anything on it. Oh, like down to the... I thought he meant to the top of the parking lot. Chris just gave the look that said, I'll go get them. I'll do it as usual. As usual, I'll go get woods. Clean up after woods one more time. Sure. No problem. I'm just saying what Chris was saying. It wasn't me saying that, wood. Okay, we're going to send Chris down. Hey, happy birthday, pal. Happy birthday. Yeah, happy birthday. I hate you all, buddy. Have a good time. Man. Here's one of the songs that I put on the cassette tape for Catherine that I talked over. You're the king of wishful thinking, Mike? Yeah, it was a hit at the time. I guess if you're obese, Mikey, going after an attractive girl, you are the king of wishful thinking. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. Sorry, that was... That was especially... That even stung me. Yeah, that was a wasp. It wasn't even a bee. Because the bee leaves the stinger in there. The wasp can just, you know... Oof. That one got... Got... Jay told me to say it. Yeah. Did he? Wow. So, yeah, we have letters and stuff. So we'll take a look at those in a little bit. Gand.
Always on yellow legal binder pad. Keeping it classy, Mike. Romantic. One part was so humiliating when I read it. Tell me more. Listen to this. Oh, gosh. I said, let me try to find it. I read it, and I had forgot. I had forgot. Oh, how about this part? You are really a babe, by the way. By the way? By the way, you think if she's a babe, she didn't know she was a babe? Thanks, Obese Mikey. It's funny because he's fat. By the way, that's not why I'm writing you, but by the way. You're really a babe. You're really a babe. I have to find this part. It really is super hot. Oh, here it is. Here it is. Oh my gosh, this is so stupid.
One of the things I wanted to tell you right away was how much I liked your letter. You're pretty genuine in the way you communicate, and I love it. Thumbs up. Thumbs up? Exclamation point. Oh, my gosh. This is not a pep talk to your son. No, wait. When you hear this next thing, you're going to go. Oh, wow. I said, by the way, there's no need to type future letters. Your penmanship is very nice. You're a teacher. Unless, of course, you prefer typing. But I like your handwriting. You are a teacher. Oh, hey, bud. Don't you think it's humiliating that she typed me letters? Who did? No. No. No?
I think it's humiliating that you particularly liked her penmanship. I just wanted her to make it more personal. Penmanship? Your teacher. Your penmanship. I wanted it more personal. My gosh. See you right. Were you guys like friends or were you actually dating? No, we weren't dating. That's why you weren't sleeping with her. You just wanted to see her handwriting. I had a crush. I wanted to. Were her typed letters like... Hi, Mike. Things are going well here. I'm currently working at such and such and such and such. I really miss having you around. Please stop writing. You're such a fun little puppy dog. Chances are she may have printed that out for like six other dudes across the country. It's like a form letter. It's a form letter. Yeah, exactly. Wow, she saved them. There's evidence.
Yeah, in case the DA ever needed him. Kind of a stalker. Wow. Exhibit A. Yeah, make a file on this guy. Let me read you the poem. Yes. Now? Explain any backstory. Oh, you missed it, Woods. Happy birthday. Leave me alone. Never just lock yourself out of the building. Yes, I do. Woods. Wood. This is letters that I wrote. to the girl that I made the tape for when I was Obese Mikey. Okay. And you wrote her a poem? I wrote her letters and she would write me back. She'd type back to me. Did... Well, I heard something about a poem. Yeah. There was definitely a poem. Who wrote who? Whom? We would write back and forth. I moved away from the town. Who did the poem? I wrote her a poem. Oh, and you have it? Yeah. Oh. Thursday, July 1st, 1993. Do you want to read it? Me? Yeah. You're going to let me? Yeah. Oh, please let me. Oh, please. Okay. Please let me do it. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. We'll make sure he doesn't omit anything. Yes, exactly. Oh, my gosh. She told me that there were stuff that was missing because it was like torn. Uh-huh. So there was another page to this, but I only have three of them. Only? Wow. Wait a minute.
See how some of these are all jacked up? Yeah. Oh, man. Oh, boy. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. What? What? What? You're holding gold, right? Yes. Yeah. Why are we doing this at 5 a.m.? Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow. I don't even have to read anything. Just scan some of it. Just scan some of it. Oh, you have to wait. I have to read. Where can I begin? It can read it. Okay. Catherine, can I have a pen that works for... Leave that one out. Geez, is that too much to ask? I'm praying for a trip from the pen fairy. Okay, this one's better. Today was one jillion degrees. I'm still hot and it's midnight. Lately, I've been thinking a lot. Words don't read ahead of me. Just listen. By the way, if I seem to ramble, it's only because it's very late. Oh, wow. And I'm a bit goofy. So, I've been thinking about what? You. Oh. Life. Oh, my God. Me. Oh, my God. My family. Love. Oh, wow. Money. Happiness. Number one. Okay, okay, okay. Uncle. Uncle.
Uncle. No. Okay. I'd have to at least get through numbers one through seven. Just do it quickly. Because here are the things. You got to just pull the tape off. Let's just go back over the things that Mike is thinking about at this particular wait night. Okay. Well, he's been thinking about a lot. Yeah. Been thinking about a lot. Most. But here's what I was really thinking about. Here's the seven things. Donuts. Yes. Tacos. Fritos. Here's the seven things he's decided to highlight. You. Life. Me, my family, love, money, and happiness. Number one, you. You are special and are obviously in my life for a reason. Oh, wow. Oh, gosh. Two, life. She thought to herself, yes, to increase my self-esteem. Correct. And to maybe buy me an occasional meal from time to time. She would never let me buy her a meal. We wouldn't be seen in public.
Number three is my favorite by far. Oh, gosh. What is it? Okay, let's go to number two. Life. Life is carefully timed and balanced tests to see if we're worthy of heaven, where life really takes place anyway. Number three, me. I'm special, too. Oh, wow. Aren't you? If by special, you mean a size 52 waist. Yeah, you certainly are, buddy. I just want to just a quick recap. This is to Catherine. Mike's crush. Thursday, July 1st, 1993. 17 years old. Can we get a quick visual, Mike, on you on July 1st, 1993? Approximately 320 pounds. Five foot five and a half. Homemade clothing. Haircut that was business in the front, party in the back. Probably dirty tennis shoes.
Let's get back to the list. Number four. This is sweet. My family. My family is my core. They are my full glass. Without them, I am empty. Oh, boy. Really? Wax poetic? You ever just wax poetic while you're eating Doritos? Five. Love. Love is the only time selfishness carries any positiveness. I don't think that's a word. It doesn't even make sense. Positiveness? Wait, Jimmy Page, Mike? It doesn't even make sense, what I said. It is also the thickest emotion I have. What does that mean, you creep? Because you're yearning for it. It's the thickest emotion because it's the one I yearn for. Number six, money. My destiny, period. Oh, there it goes. Gross. My health things have changed. Happiness. I'm not really sure yet, but I know I can't really share it. What I think it means, that is. Because then it won't come true. So, anyway, that's what I've been thinking. Wow. I also thought a lot about you and the dry cleaner guy. Weird.
Weird. What is that? I don't remember what that is. Did you have a threesome with the dry cleaner guy? No, I bet the dry cleaner guy was like the guy she liked or something. Actually, I thought about you and all the guys you told me about. Oh, boy. Oh, my gosh. And how you said you have to have the a-holes. You ever just pathetic? Before you have the real thing. Well... No, no, no. Yes, yes. Please, please. Lauren O'Brien just saw something, and it thrilled her. It made her sad. It mostly thrilled her. You can tell it made me sad. It did a little, but mostly it thrilled you. I can't believe you're letting me. Oh, my God. It's 514, Mike. It's 514 a.m. It's 514 a.m. It's 514 a.m. It's 514 a.m. It's 514 a.m. Suddenly, I am wide awake. I can't believe you're really going to let me do this. Okay. Oh. Oh. Well, I believe that I am, if not the real thing, a real thing type of guy. Do you know what I mean? I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm good for you. Don't let me go. Oh. Oh. Bold. Bold and beautiful. Oh, bold and big.
Yeah. Big and bold. Big and bold. Big and beautiful. Big and just big. Yeah. A lot of boldness in there. Get in there. Let's reiterate. Yeah, it's late, and I'm goofy, all right? Where's my picture? Eddie has never seen you, and I'm dying to show him what a babe you are. Oh, my God. Wow. Oh, God in heaven. Okay. How about some late night poetry? Oh, wow. Thank you, man. Jesus. You are a creep. Gosh. I just can't believe it. Oh, wow. Lauren O'Brien has a look on her face. I just can't believe it. I've got my glasses on, too. Let me tell you something. Lauren looks right now like she's reading the Dead Sea Scrolls. Yes. Like she's holding them. She's holding them. This is a missing page of the Declaration of Independence. Those are Moses tablets. How has nobody seen this appendix? Oh, wow. She's holding a real artifact. Yep. A genuine... A piece of the arc of the covenant. Oh, my gosh. A genuine artifact. You know what's really sad and cute and funny? It looks like he gave the poem a title and then decided he was going to cross it out. Because either it wasn't good enough or it was embarrassing. But it's centered right there at the top and then it crossed out. Oh, boy. Looks like it starts with an F. Fail. Could I get some background music for this? 100%.
Through hours of night and hundreds of miles, sleeps one of the warmest, softest miles. Those miles are empty and full of regret for leaving a face I will never forget. Thank God for the memories that I never made. That pain is expensive. Believe me, I've paid. It's better to picture your face to your voice. From miles away, I don't have a choice. It's melodramatic and full of despair. But that's what I feel. So I don't really care. She threw it. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I can't believe it. You're a brave, brave soul, Mike. To put that in our...
He didn't even edit it down for, okay, here's what I'm willing to read on the radio. He's like, hey, you guys, you take it. Take it. Do with it what you will. This is a scanned copy of a legal pad. A yellow legal pad of letters. Real letters. Real letters. Not emails. No. Not postcards. Handwritten, pathetic letters. Wood has the last page. How about some late night poetry? I need a paper bag. I'm going to throw up in it. That's what I feel, so I don't really care. Hi, Sienna. Wait, Sienna missed the poem. Chris, if you can hear me, I got in the elevator. Oh, my gosh. Sienna needs to hear the poem. Oh, my gosh. Can we start over with the music? Somebody needs to call Chris. Sienna?
What I hold in my hand, I don't know how much you caught. Chris, I'm here. I feel so bad. I didn't have my key card, and then I saw Adam, and I sent Chris down to let me up. Do you guys want donuts? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, don't try to divert course of this, Mikey. I heard some of it. Oh, it's brilliant. Okay, well, here's the poem. Start over. This is the late night poetry, Sienna. This is to Catherine, the object of Mike's affection. Thursday, July 1st, 1993. Yes. And he's rambled on about his thoughts on money, love, happiness, himself, her. But then he says, I'm dying to show my friend what a babe you are. What a babe you are? Yeah, babe. It was 1993. You know what else was a big word? Color me bad was a big word. How about some late night poetry? They didn't have your donuts. It's really nice. It's sweet of you. Thank you. Thank you so much. I just want to make everyone happy. And I got you guys the big one. Thanks. Thank you. You're welcome. But I think you're going to have to sit down for this. Okay. I'm so excited. Okay. And a one. And a two. Oh, wow. What's it called again? Here's the thing, Sienna. There was a title at the top.
And it looks like Mike just wasn't happy with the title or he regretted it or he was embarrassed because he crossed it out. Maybe you re-read it. It looks like there's an F, a lowercase F, but I'm purely speculating at this point. Mike, do you remember what it's called? No. Don't you? It looks like it might have been called Face. Dude, I don't remember. Like, I read this stuff and I was like... Oh my gosh. Like I was reading something. There is no part of it that my memory had. Do you remember writing the letters? Oh, I knew I wrote her. But yeah, okay. I mean, but this is like reading a new book that I've never read. I've done that. I've found my old journals. But anyway, back to the man of the hour. So here is the poem that he wrote to dear Catherine. After saying, how about some late night poetry? How about some late night? July 1st, 1993. 22 years old. Oh, no. Through hours of night and hundreds of miles, sleeps one of the warmest, softest smiles. Oh. Oh, it gets better. I'm not ready. I'm not ready. It gets better. Hold on. Hold on. I need to brace myself. It gets way better. It gets better. It gets way better. All right, go. Those miles are empty and full of regret for leaving a face I will never forget. Thank God for the memories that I never made.
That pain is expensive. Believe me. I've paid. I've paid. Oh. It's better to picture your face to your voice from miles away. I don't have a choice. It's melodramatic and full of despair, but that's what I feel. So I don't really care. So I don't really care. My God. Do you remember how long this took you to write? Is it like a natural thing that just happens? You ever poet? He numbered the pages at the top. Is that William Blake over there? You guys, he numbered the pages. You don't want to get him out of order. She lost her place. You don't want to get him out of order. Oh, wow. In case the cops were looking for a serial killer, they wanted to be able to piece it together. Oh, you found something better. Oh, you got it? Oh, my gosh. How many pages is this? It's three. I'm not going to go into all of it because it just gets into kind of some details of what his friends and family are up to. But the first part says, does it suck? It's the best I can do at 12, 18 a.m. I like to write. So, how's your little stinker? That's kind of a personal question. How's your little stinker? That's kind of a personal question. She's very lucky to have an aunt who loves her as much as you do. Oh, okay.
Why are you crossing? Are you underlined? Because I'm reading it and it's like sad stuff about her family. Oh, no, no, no. But there's still gold. There's still gold. That is... To be had. That's a rare diamond. Mike. You taught me about love, music, sex, women, boxing, and the fine art of bull ass. Bull ass? Oh, the fine art of bull ass? Fine art. He gives a whole biography on all of his brothers. Like college, what they're into. Yeah, that's why I didn't read that part. Holy. Did she ever write back? Oh, yeah. I mean, we would write. Yeah, pen pals. Did you ever make love to her? Woods, I never, like, I don't know that we ever met in person. Oh, boy. I don't think we ever did. What? I don't think so. That's the weirdest part about the story. Do you ever meet chicks and fall in love with them that you've never met in person?
All of them. You're Mariam? Yeah. I, you know, dropped the tape off at the record store when she wasn't there, you know? Oh, my God. The tape off at the record store. I'm going to have to. I really am going to have to drop the tapes off at the record store. For real this time. Okay. So, okay. So, here you go. All right? Don't read the stuff. Look at that handwriting. Don't read the stuff that's marked out. This is going to thrill you. I'm so ready for it. Can I stop this? Please. Thank you. You ever just eat a carrot right before you're supposed to read a poetic essay? Essay. I was a poetic essay, all right. Is there any coffee? You were a lunatic. So I can read anything that's not crossed out. Yes. But you got to start where it starts in yellow because the part...
That's messed up doesn't matter. Did you have special stationery? And a legal pad. A legal pad. Why is it blue? Yeah, a legal pad. What? Why is it blue at the top? It got jacked up when she was trying to scan it and send it. This is, however, looks like it's April 28th, 1993. So before the last letter. I can't believe you're going to be a godmother. So young. Just kidding. Oh, my God. Notice. Wait, wait. G at the end of kidding or kidding? I would like to point that out, Sienna, because I believe that Mike was very upset with an ex-girlfriend that would leave the G off. Talking. Just talking. Looks like he purposely left the G off. Yep. Talking. Talking. Just kidding. What was the other one? Going. What'd she say? Shopping. Was talking the one? That was the one that used to drive you mad? Talking. Talking. I wanted to tell you right away. What I wanted to tell you right away was how much I liked your letter. You are pretty genuine in the way you communicate, and I love it. Thumbs up. Thumbs up. Oh, you already read this part. Yeah, but keep, yeah, you can keep going. I mean, with the stuff that you haven't. All right. Help yourself, Chris. Oh, it gets real. You got me thinking about Madonna today, and I was blasting Express Yourself in my truck. Oh, wow. Express yourself. You have no shame. You would do anything to have.
intercourse with her. Listen, it wasn't at that time, Woods, there was no, that wasn't even a thought. You would do anything to have dinner with her? Yes. Go to a movie. I mean, listen. Really? What do you mean really? There was not a thought? Jay. How old were you? 22. 22. And there wasn't a thought. Jay, I was, there, listen. That's the only thought there was. If a girl, no. If a girl would be, if a girl would have coffee with me. Yes. It would have been the same as having intercourse with me. I know you can't relate because you're, you know, tall. No. Slender. Slender. No, no, no. It wouldn't have been the same. But it would have been, I mean, it's exciting. Fully enough. It would have been enough. Let's keep going. Lauren. So. You want to know what pisses me off? Oh, boy. Here's some stuff for starters. Oh, dear. People who go 55 or 60 in the fast lane. Oh, just doing lame dude your dumbs real good. Oh, my God. The guy that takes up two parking spaces. People who are rude to waiters or waitresses. The whole thing in Waco and lying. Waco had just happened. Koresh, yep. Koresh, David Koresh.
Not necessarily in that order. Other than that... I'm glad you clarified. No. Several exclamation points. There is some ad-libbing going on by the editor. Other than that, I'm pretty pleasant, too. And yes, I'm living with my folks and my brother. Oh. My other two brothers live in Tucson. You ever just do bios and your brothers? Yeah. I haven't done the stand-up comedy yet. I need about seven more minutes worth of material. When do I need to write you at home? How about some more questions? Maybe Africa can help out. Hey, she had a friend named Afrika. Oh, sorry. Oh, that little booze. No. She probably knows you as well as you do. You really are a babe, by the way. Oh, gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, wow. My gosh. Oh, wow. I'm going to throw up. Why the by the way? Yeah. Because you always said it. It takes some of the creep out of it. It takes some of the creep. Just in case. I hadn't mentioned that in my last letter. Okay, here we go. Oh, wow. Colon. Number one. Tell me something about yourself that not a lot of people know or that you think would surprise me. Like, I don't know, maybe you can speak Vietnamese? Oh. Hysterical. Just throwing that out there. Yeah, you're solid. Bachelorette number two. What is your favorite time of day?
Morning, noon, or night? Who cares? Why? Why? Number three. Mike, I just want to hug you right now. You're so sweet. You're so sweet. I know, I know. What is your favorite Madonna song? Has Rebecca seen these? She would probably hysterically go... First of all, I don't know that she knows the extent of what a loser... I think she does. Oh, no. Oh, no. Somebody just struck pay dirt. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, Lauren's making a funny face. Oh, no. She's covered her. I skipped ahead. What? Please. I skipped ahead to the things that I was going to read later. Okay. We're just going to continue, but. Brace yourself. Brace yourself. There's a gold nugget in here. I can see it in her face. You just see it in Ella B's face. You just know. Hurry, Lauren. Number four. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Weird. Of course. Number five. Now, pay attention, folks, to the next three questions. Number five. Why didn't you go to the movie with me? Number six. How old is your niece? I haven't read that. I haven't read this. I'm hearing this. Like, I scanned them. I didn't read them completely. I'm mortified. Can you glaze over the first question?
Trust me, there's a reason. How old is your niece and what is her name? Number seven. How sly was question number five. How sly? How what? Sly. Mike, take your hands down off your face. Take your hands down off your face. I kind of had to go number two earlier. Now I do because of these questions. They're making my stomach hurt. Yeah, they're making my stomach hurt. We're almost at the end, but I find something ironic about the end of page number three going into... Page number four. Oh, okay. First of all, Mike numbers the pages at the top. And then when he gets to page number four, he acknowledges four. That's right. Four. At the top. At the top. Four. That's right. Four. Four. But this is what I've looked. I find this ironic. He says, enough questions. What are you going to do when you get out of school in May? Hey, you have the bear on your desk? Does he have a name?
If not, then I think that it is appropriate you give him one. Imagine what a nightmare it would be writing you back. You're like, okay, that question's done. She didn't want to lead me on by handwriting a letter. She typed them. Oh, gosh. But she didn't want me to stop. Who would? What have you guys discovered over there? Okay, back to the bear. Make it sweet. You got her a bear? I'm taking you got her a bear. You got her a bear. What? You got her a bear? I guess. I don't know. Yeah. Hey, you have the bear on your desk? Does he have a name? It's in garbage. If not, then I think that it is appropriate to give him one. She's like, no, my boyfriend thinks it's weird. Yeah, I threw it away. It's in the garbage. If he has no name, then from now on, his name is Bill. No reason at all for that name, but what the hell? Bill. Say it with me, Catherine. Oh. Bill.
Okay, Catherine. Four pages is way too damn long for me. My fingers are swelling. Oh, that's from the sodium. And the sugar. And the fat. Say it with me, Catherine. Bill. Girl, Mike, you're such a sweet boy. You are. Not the Mike you met, Woods. Very sweet. And you know what? I particularly liked your interest in her niece. You ever just use that to try to have sex with somebody? I have to go to the restroom. I do, too. I'll go with you. Should we do a little... Are you guys going to change before the next crew comes in? I'm not. I'm wearing pajamas. Do you want a double barrel in there? Yeah. Let's do it. Oh, wow. Here's an example of... And it's three and a half hours long. Your bromance tonight with Sanjay? Yes, sir. Nice. The bromance. That's right. I'm going to find you a new bromance. Yeah, a new buddy.
That's right. You've been out here in California. You've got to find yourself a buddy, and it's going to be real good. You're gone tonight? Tonight. What are you going to wear? I don't know yet. Pink. Just don't know. Sand Salmon. I'm really nervous. You work it out. You work it out. You worked out that Daughtry song on mistake when I kept the mic open. I still don't believe you. I'm not kidding you. I think it was off on the board, though. It wasn't. It was on. Did you guys hear me singing Daughtry, please? chat with me and let me know? Because I'm really freaking out about it. I'll tell you why I know that he did. How? Because when the mic is on, it cuts off the studio monitor. And Jay goes, how come I can't hear anything? And I said, because mic two's on. So he turned it off. I'm coming home. And that's what was happening. You sang too. I sang it, but my mic wasn't on. You're too far away. And I don't know the lyrics. Except for I'm coming home. Yeah, you do. You own the CD. I'm telling you. And the vinyl.
And the poetry. And the poetry. And the Daughtry book of poetry. I make up lyrics if I don't know them. So do I. You do too? Everybody does. Doesn't everybody? Let's see. 5701949 if you did hear him singing that. Please. Great. My wife loves this song. They all do. Yeah, this wife loves it. Wait, is this I could not ask for more? No. Instantly you hate it, right? Lauren? The home one? Yeah. Does it sound like... I have all I've waited for. Yeah, it does. And I could not ask. You're right. What is that? I don't know. And I could... Yeah. I could not... That's Edward McCain. Edward McCain. I think it's a girl.
Edwin McCain. Are you sure? I'm positive. You don't think that this has nice tone to it? No, it's catchy. It's really catchy. The chorus is pretty solid. I'm in shock. Is it rock or country? This was a song a couple years ago when American Idol people were voted off. This was what they went home to. Dude, can I tell you? I just bought this. I bought the new album from Train. Oh, I love it. There's a song on there. Soul Sister, is that the one? It's the one with that song on it. But I'm listening to it, and there's a song on there, and I go, if anybody over at American Idol is smart, they will take this song, and they will make it into a montage. I like it already. Now, you know when the people are leaving the show, they got kicked off the show or whatever? They had a bad day song. Yeah, and they do a video montage where they show them on stage singing, and it's in slow motion, and they're charming the crowd, and everybody's into it and stuff. And it's when they're leaving the show. And so whenever they leave the show, they show a video montage of the last 10 weeks they were on it. Yeah, it makes everyone cry. And it makes people cry, right? Of course. How about if they play this song? And you've got to listen to the lyrics of the song as you sing. I'm so excited.
So right now you see the video. I'm going to write Ryan Seacrest. Yes. You would have seen Paula Abdul kind of like messed up going. You are a star. That is so dead on. Isn't that a montage song of the people leaving the show? Absolutely. 100%, right? Can't wait to miss that. Must miss. They've had Daniel Powder, Bad I Had Day. Bad I Had Day. Had a Bad Day. They had Daughtry Home. Cause I'm Bad I Had Day. I like that. Cause I'm Bad I Had Day. Cause I'm Bad I Had Day. And they had Carrie Underwood doing, she did a remake to the Motley Crue song. Home Sweet Home. Home Sweet Home. It was good. You know I'm a dreamer. Would not have liked it. You didn't hear it?
I don't want to hear a girl sing Motley Crue. No, I don't think so. It's really good. I don't want to hear a girl sing Motley Crue. Try it. Hear it. Only Vince. Only Vince. Yes. It was a huge song. Yeah. You know how we dream of. Home Sweet Home? Yeah. It's good. Yeah, Home Sweet Home. A girl singing that? No way. It's Carrie Underwood. She's the best voice. There is no... Oh, there it is. Let's hear it. Here we go. Carrie Underwood singing Motley Crue. Out. Out. Out. Out. What? No harmony in Home Sweet Home. No female harmony. She has such a good voice. G-I-T. Get. It's kind of like when the Dixie Chicks did Landslide and they countrified it up. Landslide. It was awful. I liked it. It sounded like my mom. Tonight, tonight.
I think the problem is when I first heard Carrie Underwood sing Home Sweet Home, I was like, what song is that? And I had never heard Motley Crue sing Home Sweet Home because I'm 24 years old. Wow. Want to hear a little Neil Diamond singing Landslide? Of course. Never done this one before. Glad you're here, Neil. The reason I've never done it before is because for years Bob Marley and I toured together. You did? No. I don't remember reading about that. I don't either. I didn't read about it because Rolling Stone refused to print it. Oh. Who went to the concerts? Hessians. Hessians? Oh, really? You took my love and you take it down. You feel my heart when you turned around. And I saw my reflection in a snow-covered field. And the pancakes rolled me down. I don't think it's pancakes, no. I said the pancakes rolled me down. Yeah, I don't know. Well, I did things that I'm not proud of. Many. Like the time I made love to a midget guy one time in the back. Neil, what? No, wait, wait, it wasn't a guy. Oh. It was a redheaded midget girl. Oh, okay. It was in Houston. How long ago? I'm just telling you a story now. Oh, okay. Sorry, I wasn't singing the song anymore. Let me get back to that. Oh.
Maestro, thank you. And I see my reflection in a bowl of Froot Loops. That's not the words. Froot Loops. I forget the lyrics to that one. I thought it was my reflection in a bowl of Froot Loops. Maestro, and I see my reflection. Hang on a minute. Do you want me to tell you? Hang on, stop it, stop it. Stop playing. I'm going to tell you a little secret right now. What is that? I've never told anybody this. Oh, okay. I've kept something from all of you that no one's ever known about. I... What? No way. Jas flute? Jas flute. Did you take lessons or is it just a natural gift? I studied under a very, very... Flautist? Flautist. No, that's what I ordered over at Fidel's the other night. That would be a flauta. Those are flautas. Yeah. Call me embarrassed.
Can I get my flute? Yes, please. Are we duetting or are you soloing? Oh, I'm thrilled. I want to hear the solo for a minute. I know. Let's get that solo going. I might not have my flute. Neil, you don't have it? Please have it. Please have it. Do you need help finding it? Oh, no. You don't have it? I think I know where it is. I think I had it at the flute repair shop down in Missing Gorge. We can send someone to go get it. I just did. Oh. Wow, that's amazing. I sent my manager, Bori, my manager's name. That's an interesting name. Yeah, well, it used to be Maury. Oh, what happened? I had to change it because I came to FM 94.9. That's what happened. Oh, is that Bori there? Are we going to do Cherry Cherry or are you going to just play? Do you want to do Cherry Cherry? I don't have to do songs. I don't have to do songs that are necessarily my songs. I can do any song.
Any song. That's the brilliance of what I do. Do you understand me? Sure. So what I'm going to do right now is I'm going to play a song and then you're going to guess what it is, okay? Okay. Now, I don't want anybody to start crying because that always makes me sad. Of course not. When I see people cry for a lot of artists, that inspires them. It does. But for me, it just makes me sad. So I don't want you to cry, all right? I'm going to play you a song on flute. I've never done this on the radio before. Okay. Are you nervous? Yes, I am. Don't be nervous. Don't be nervous. Natural talent. Neil! Here, put a new reed in there. Put a new reed in there. Here, give it to me. I'll put a new reed in there. Here, hold on. Got it. Okay. It's fresh. What's wrong with the reed? Are you ready? I'm totally ready. I'm going to play you a song. Okay. I know what it is. Neil! I know exactly what it is. Take some guesses. Do you know what it was, Sienna? Neil?
I don't think... Take a guess. Britney Spears? No, you idiot. Of course not. Whoa, that's not... Britney Spears. That's a little harsh. No, it wasn't. You didn't play for long enough. All right, fine. I want to hear it again. You played a little longer. Yes. Skin flute. What did you say? Freakish. He said that's what she said, and the Lord said a skin flute. Skin flute. What's the matter with you? Neil Diamond is in the studio. I'm Neil Diamond. I got on a cape and a secret black shirt. I'm sorry. That was really disrespectful. I'm sorry. I'm sitting here with a legend. This is his first time on the air. We're going to be quiet. I'm admitting to you that I can play the flute and you're behaving like children. We'll be good. You ready? Hit it again. I think I already know what it is. I don't know. What's the matter with you? She's a big flute fan. You're not a flute fan. Sorry, I'm still laughing at my old joke. Okay. Blondie, what do you think that was? Oh, is it an old Irish jig song of some sort? Give me the name of the song. Quit acting like that. What do you think it was? Clogging Two Heels? No, you moron. Oh, Danny Boy, Danny Boy, Danny Boy. Oh, really? Danny Boy from Clogging Two Heels? I'm going to play it again. Okay, do it again. I know what it is. You got this, Neil. It's so easy.
How do you guys not know this? What is it? Dude, it's Train. Hey, Soul Sister. Of course it was. You're a man. Of course it was. Of course it was. It's dead on. It's dead on. I don't hear it. We got one smart person in the whole freaking way. Now that I know what it was, can I hear it again? Yes. Okay, good. Now that you know what it is, you go, of course that's what it is. Yeah. Okay. See? See? Now it makes sense, though, doesn't it? Neil, you have a talent. You should put a Band-Aid inside of your mouth, kid. No kidding, man. What's the matter with that guy over there? He's spitting blood. Pomegranate juice into the bottle. Oh, God. Thank you, Neil. That was really nice of you. Thank you so much for coming, dude. When we go to break, Neil, will you take us out? Yes, I will. I'll do that. Okay. What song do you want me to play? Cherry Cherry. What else? Why don't you give me something from Green Day? Green Day. Okay. All right.
Tell me a song from Green Day you want me to play. How about The Time of Your Life? No. You know, I used to smoke hashish with Billy Joe. Billy Joe Armstrong. You guys smoked hashish? Hashish? No, Billy Joel, the guy that did piano. Oh, okay. Who hasn't? Here's a time of your life. Okay. Green Day. In parentheses, good riddance. Okay. Green Day. Dead on. The Smurfs song? No, that's exactly. Is that the Smurfs song? Is that what you said? Here you go. I'll do the turning point. I mean, that was like, that was like, that's Grammy winning. It's not bad. The two of us together. That was not bad. That felt good. What do you think? I think it feels right. Get a little Aaron Neville on there, dude. We'd be good. I can play the drum. Are you eating a drum? Neil and Aaron Neville.
Fluting together. I can do that. You want me to do Aaron Neville? Are you going to put your mouth on Neil Diamond's flute? Don't do it. Don't you put your... He just said he smoked Hussein. Hey, blood mouth. He just said he smoked Hussein to Billy Joel. Hey, blood mouth. Don't put your... Don't put those disgusting... Those lips of yours saw youth revolting. I don't want them on there. All right? Now, you want Aaron Neville to come in the room? he's here he's here right now Beautiful. Just beautiful. Just beautiful. Aaron Neville just got in a car accident. Oh, jeez. Uh-oh. Thanks for coming in, guys. Thank you, guys. That was a great performance. Grab a muffin on your way out. Yeah, we have muffins and cookies. Except for you, Aaron. You probably had a couple things. There's some water down the hall. You guys want to, let's see. There's so many stories I still have not told you about. Did you know?
That Hooters is up for sale? Yep. I got a bid in. You're going to give them that 12-inch television that I gave you? This is collateral. That's a down payment. It's leaning against my... It's leaning on two bins that I have. Leaning against the ledge. I gave Woods a 12-inch... What? Is she now using that's like when it completely is leading against the ledge? That makes no sense. Why? Went to the Statue of Liberty last week. That's. Now, Hooters is up for sale. It is. They're doing really badly, unfortunately. Not really badly. Their sales are going way down, as you can imagine. I can't imagine. Why? Hooters. Because people are tight on cash right now. But you would think that that would be a place that guys would still continue to go because the girls are good looking. You would think. Yeah, exactly. No, but they're having some financial troubles and they have started looking for prospective buyers. Really? Playboy too. Playboy sales are way down. Thought about it. I'm in. You're going to buy Hooters? Yeah, and Playboy. You're going to call it Woodsies? Yep, and Playboy. Got wood? Yeah, maybe that's what you call it.
They're estimating that they can sell it for about $250 million. Really? Got that kind of cash laying around, buddy? You know I do. Yeah. Let's see. 570-1949 is the number if you want to give us a call. M1 Chris, are you there? Yeah, I'm right here, man. What's up? Hey, what's going on, you guys? Hi. What up? Man, not much. It was a beautiful day in San Diego. Can't complain. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, man, I was laughing earlier, man, because when you were singing your landslide with the pancakes and everything, I had to call in and give a shout-out to you because I swear when I heard it, all I heard was the lead singer to Live doing Dolphins. It was so intense. I couldn't handle it. That's awesome. That's greatness. Thank you, bro. Hey, no problem. You guys have a good day. Thanks, brother. You too. Did you guys hear about the doctor that left forceps in this lady after the surgery that she had? Oh, they were in there for a long time, too. And this poor woman, I think she was 39, she was complaining about chest pain and pain inside her. It felt like burning. And they were like, well, there's nothing wrong. I don't know what you're talking about. The surgery went really well. And she was like, no, something's wrong.
And finally they did an MRI and apparently magnets began to pull the metal forceps through her skin. And they still didn't notice anything was in there. So she's like, oh, this is killing. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going on. Finally, they took an x-ray and they saw that there were forceps in there. And she just said, you know, it was damaging her internal organs. Yeah, awful. Yeah, this woman was 39 years old. A British mother spent three months after surgery with that forceps in her face. That's terrible. Insane. Awful. Seven inches. I want you to call me right now and tell me the most expensive stuff your kids have ruined. You can also tell me, like, the most expensive thing you ruined when you were a kid. Yeah. 570-1949. And there you go. A little example of what we do. And we are... Very close to coming up on 24 hours. Yeah. Five minutes away. And we got a live studio audience. Oh, yeah. You're almost there. Homestretch. You know what the homestretch is? When there's five minutes left. Oh, this is a homestretch. Yeah. I'm going to take a nice hot shower. Yeah. Let's talk about it. I'll tell you how. Let's all do our best. You'll enjoy this. You'll enjoy this. I want to hear the whole thing. You get home and you take.
a really hot shower. I'm riding home with you. Good. So you guys are going to shower together? Yes. And you take a really hot shower and while you're taking the shower, you're thinking about those 28 hours and just what happened and what it was like and all these moments will play back in your head. You'll see yourself on stage doing Dave Matthews. You'll see Eskimo Blue Waters doing her thing. Epic. It seemed like a year ago. I know it. You'll see, Woods, your ear getting pierced. You'll see all that stuff. You'll see us watching those movies from 10 to 2. All of it. Sienna with a cat in her lap. Oh, my gosh. I forgot about that. Lauren crying. Oh, I cried hard. Me saran wrapped. You saran wrapped. You guys throwing stuff at me? So funny. That was my favorite part. I mean, just some really funny stuff that happened. Let's see. Let's take some phone calls. M1 Green Bear from Ventura. Are you there? Oh, wow. I'm actually on. Mikey, how are you doing? I'm good. How are you? Good. Hi, Woods. Hi, LBJ, Indiana. What's up? Hey, you guys have been listening for the last six hours. I've been up with you guys. That's great. Thank you.
So proud of you guys. Mikey, I've been listening to you guys for five years. So excited for you guys and for a good cause. Sorry I'm a little tired. Yeah, let's go with that. Totally okay. But Mikey, I haven't heard from Sandra with two N's in a while. Oh my gosh. I don't know what she's been up to. Yeah, she was running for governor. She really believes in stuff. Yeah. She didn't get it. What you believe in, she's in on. Yeah. Whatever you believe in, she's in on. I believe I live in Ventura right now from what I remember. I seem to remember that she was into selling handbags. Yes. I think it was really about the handbags. It's about the handbags. Yeah, that's her slogan. It's all about the handbags. It's Sandra Rossi. It's about the handbags. Yeah. Well, hopefully we'll hear from her, man. All right, well, see you guys, and much love from over here from Ventura County. Thank you, Green Bear. All right, you guys have a good one. Appreciate it. That bear was green. That was a very green bear. How are you guys feeling? Great. Feels like I just got here. How are you feeling, Woods? Awesome. Are you feeling awesome? Yes. You were really, for a while there, you were on the, you know, downslide, but I think you're back up. Absolutely.
Like one, two, about three for me was really tough. I just got caught a five-minute nap under the basketball mat, so I'm fine. Never mind. Never mind. I was shooting hoops while I was underneath there. He was shooting hoops. You're not supposed to fall asleep. He wasn't asleep. I was on a break. We were on a break. We were on a break. Why are you boring holes for me with your eyes? Because I can't believe that that would be true. You didn't do that. Why? I heard a rumor. What was the rumor? That Sean used to sleep for like two hours. Yeah, he did. But Sean was also on, but Sean was also on meds. Oh, I'm on meds. Are you? Aleve. Oh, boy. That doesn't count. Mikey Cho, hello. Hi, this is Sandra Rossi. Oh. With one end or? Yes, it's one. Now? Yeah, it is. You dropped the other end? Yes, I was trying to be mysterious when I did that.
And there's no need to do that anymore. It doesn't really work. No, it didn't work. Will your website still work if you just drop that other end? No, because I'd have to have a completely different website now. The old website was fancy, which was a stupid idea from the beginning. It was dumb and no one remembered it. And I had web hits and said 16 people went there. Did you move any handbags? No, I didn't move any handbags, goofball, because 16 people went to the freaking website. So maybe three or four bought handbags. Yeah, stupidest idea I ever had. Don't be down on yourself. I rather liked your jingle.