The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 01/03/11
Monday, January 3, 2011
nightgownAndy the Elfbody scannerretina word of the dayJasper boingHugh Hefner engagementRex Ryan foot fetishIndiana snow sculpturesandytheelfbodyscannerretinajasperboing
The show opened with Mikey discussing his controversial nightgown purchase and the ensuing jokes about pockets and cross‑dressing, then shifted to Lauren O'Brien's uncomfortable body‑scan experience at the airport, followed by a light‑hearted round where the word of the day 'retina' earned listeners tickets to the San Diego Safari Park. Later, the crew revealed Jasper's signature 'boing' sound, debated Hugh Hefner's engagement to 24‑year‑old Crystal Harris, examined Rex Ryan's foot‑fetish videos with his wife, and closed with a bizarre story about Indiana kids building snow penis sculptures that prompted police laughter.
What happened, in order
Jasper’s boing
Mikey and Woods recall Jasper’s signature 'boing' sound that resembles a diving board, a running gag that originated from Jasper being Jay’s son.
Word of the day: retina
The hosts announce 'retina' as the word of the day, offering a four‑pack of tickets to the San Diego Safari Park and a drawing for a two‑night stay in Laughlin, Nevada to callers who say it.
Nightgown purchase
Mikey explains buying a green flannel nightgown from the men's department at Nordstrom, sparking jokes about cross‑dressing and the lack of pockets.
Andy the Elf
Andy the Elf is introduced as a creepy stuffed elf that Rebecca hides around the house to scare Mikey, who describes finding it in lampshades, medicine cabinets and his sock drawer.
Body scanner ordeal
Lauren O'Brien recounts being funneled through an airport body scanner, forced to pose and feeling violated, then later joking about the experience on air.
Hugh Hefner engagement
Sienna shares the news that 84‑year‑old Hugh Hefner is engaged to 24‑year‑old Crystal Harris, detailing the Little Mermaid box ring and the age gap.
Rex Ryan foot fetish
Woods reveals that Jets coach Rex Ryan’s wife makes foot‑fetish videos with him, describing the bizarre footage and the NFL’s ensuing investigation.
Indiana snow sculptures
A caller describes Indiana kids building snow penis sculptures that upset neighbors, prompting police to laugh and label the display an obscene matter under state law.
People mentioned
MikeyRebeccaWoodsLauren O'BrienSiennaJayJasperHugh HefnerCrystal HarrisRex Ryan
33,404 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
back in the studio live. Yeah! 2011. You don't have to write that on Chex because nobody writes Chex anymore, but... I do. I do. You do? Yep. 2011. What a trip. I just call it 11. 11. Yeah, that's right. It goes to 11. It goes to 11. Well, we're back in the studio and that is going to make a lot of people happy because they were like, why don't you guys just get back to work already? Oh, no. So, here we are. And we're back in the studio. You can call us, 570-1949. Welcome to 2011. And we got so much to talk about, about our breaks and what we did over the break and the vacation time. What we bought. What we bought. What we got. What we got tailored. Things like that. All kinds of stuff. Wow.
It sounds like Woods has some inside info. I know. It's not inside. It's very public. It's so public. 5701949. Oh, I know. Call us and say hi. Haven't wanted since. I've been waiting for 10 days to get back here. I'm so excited. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I take some... I take some jabs from my wife. Maybe we call you Michaela. Oh, wow. Michelle? Michelle. So we'll talk about that. Woods is our sports guy, and he's 35. Lauren O'Brien is our assistant producer. She's 30. She's the blondie. What was that? You don't get it. I don't get it. Do you care? Oh, boy. For those who get it. If that was on purpose, I think I get it. Of course you get it. Could I explain it? Do it again. I don't get it. You don't get it, Sienna? It sounds like a diving board. Oh, my God. Did she jump off a diving board into a pool? So that's the one you went with, huh? I have multiple. I have multiple boings. Oh, boy. All you have to say is, yeah, boing.
Of all the boings. Of all the boings in the world, he comes with the one that sounds like a diving board. Why not go boing? Those are the most unusual. Boings? Those are the most curious boings. From the 40s and 50s. These were popular when I was in radio. It's the ones I remember from high school. It's the ones Jasper likes. Jasper? I forgot all about that. Jasper, Jasper, Jasper. Man. Jasper is... Jasper is... Jay's son. Jay's son, and for whatever reason, we just picked up on... Saying his son's name. Gotta go pick up Jasper. It was the only way to nail down his accent. About four hours, that's what we did. Four? Try 28. I forgot. How could I forget about that? I know, me too. Sienna's our news girl. She is 25 years old, and she does a great job of keeping me organized. I mean...
I don't know what I would do without you keeping me on track in here. Really? You would be okay. Train wreck. No, train wreck. Do you notice that I dyed my hair back? It's darker than ever. Oh, yeah. I heard about it. I heard about it, and I was really upset. I know. I was too. I highlighted my hair, and I made a big deal about going lighter. It looked so rad. It was amazing. I felt unnatural. I felt more black and white striped. And I didn't like it. It looked great. It did look good. My main thing is natural. And so I called her. Worst phone call. And I've done it before. I complain always. You're a hair person? I'm very hard to please. Yeah. And I said, I don't like it. I want it fixed. Oh, boy. You got to do it. Fixed implies there was something wrong. Redone is what you wanted. If I would have been her, I'd say, yeah. No, she's the best. Did she charge you? No, of course not. My gosh. She's so nice. I love her. I said, yeah, no problem. 200 bucks. Isn't it so awkward to sit in the chair when you're getting your review? I was really nervous going in there, but she was like, thank you so much for calling me and telling me you weren't happy. But yeah, I was, I mean, you don't feel good about it. I felt so bad. So I went even darker. My plan was to go lighter. Now I'm darker than I ever was. You know? Yeah. Hello, baby. You look great. Thanks. Sorry, guys. I knew you'd be mad.
If you hadn't said it, it would take me another hour. Really? I was surprised. Yeah, it'd take me an hour. But I'd get it in an hour. Yeah, it's okay. Because, you know, when I come in, I'm hyper-focused on what I have to do, and I'm just like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Yeah. But then I'll go. There's a lot going on this morning. Hey. Yeah. Something's up. I know. Something's up. Jay is our producer. He's 47. When did he turn 48? June. Mm-hmm. Get some. And his catchphrase is, get some. People love it. And I did. Oh. Hey. Awkward. Hey, Jasper? How do you think we got Jasper? That's a creepiest thing. Oing, oing, oing, oing, oing. Gotta get something to get Jasper. What about Liberty? Liberty 2. Finnegan? You think his kids are just like... Vomiting. With the boing sounds and the mom talking about mom. I don't want to know. Did you see his listen? Yeah. I got a pair of heels for Kim over the holidays. Heels? Heels. Heels or heels? Heels. And she put them on. We were there at Christmas. I was like, I'll see you later. Oh, my God. In front of the family. Liberty's like.
You need to stop. Yeah, please, Dad. Please. Do you see it? Please, Dad. Please. That's unbelievable. Mike, have you noticed the shirt Jay's wearing? Yeah, it says, I heart boobies. He'll get it for me. My husband has one, too. She knows what I like. It's for a good cause. Breast cancer. It's got the wristband going, too. Old creep. Our phone screener is Will. It's Will. Will. 570-194-9 is our number. We forget about the doo-wop wheels. I made the boing noise. Wheel. Wheel. I'll wheel up. The word of the day today is retina. How do you like that? Wow. Retina. You're scientific. Todd came up with it. I'm going to slip that one up. How about retina? I don't know. But between now and 10 a.m., you will hear me use the word retina, and it's good for a four-pack of tickets to the San Diego Safari. Park. Ooh. That's the Wild Animal Park. Yeah. Formerly known as the Wild Animal Park. Okay. Holler. That's my favorite. People got confused, I guess. Yeah. And we're also, by the way, we're going to be putting in for a drawing for a two-night stay at Laughlin, Nevada. And that's worth $500 that time. Solid. So on Friday, we'll award that to somebody. But every day this week when you win Word of the Day, boom, you're automatically in there. Qualified for that thing.
So, yeah, it was quite a Christmas break. Let's see. L.O.B., you went to Jersey. I did. You stayed here, right, Sienna? Oh, yeah. I don't go anywhere. So did Jay. So did I. Woodsy did, too. You guys all got to stay. Yeah. L.O.B. was out of town. And there was a lot of game playing on PS3 for me and Woods and Sienna's husband. What did he do? He didn't get a PS3. Oh, he didn't? He has a Nintendo. First run. Worse. Atari? Worse than that. He got an Atari? Oh, my gosh. He kicks it old school. He loves it. He's like, ooh, Frogger. My brother found an Atari for him because he loves everything old. He drives the old 87 Supra, which he won't get rid of, although he has a new car. Oh, my gosh. The thing just sits in the driveway. That dude is 87 all the way. He's like Uncle Rico. He's 87. 1987. He turns 39 this month. Wow. The guy loves everything 80s. He does. He's jamming right now. Sitting in his man cave playing a little Frogger. He has a new idea that he asked me about over the break. His man cave right now is in the garage, which our garage is separate from our house. So he has like all that area to himself. We have an extra bedroom, which now he wants to make his old school room where he can. Listen to this.
He can play Atari there. He can hang up all of his and, like, put on display his baseball cards and his football cards. He has, you know, what's his name? He's going to kill me. I can't believe it. We're all growing up little kids. Yes. Terry Bradshaw. He has, like, a million Terry Bradshaw rookie cards, which he says are, like, a huge deal. Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. And I said, babe, whatever. You can have the room as long as I get the rest of the house. I don't even care anymore. He's such a clown. It's hilarious. He's sitting playing Frogger. Yeah. He's like, yes, Frogger! Frogger is fun. It really is. That was blast when I was six. I had never even seen Atari until he opened it. How great is that? Let's see. M1 Conrad from, oh, are you there, Conrad? From Temecula? I'm here. Go ahead. Yeah, I just want to know, even though you got that hairdo free. I just wanted to know if you tipped a lady. Yeah, I tipped her double. That's good. I said Merry Christmas. There you go. Thank you, Conrad. Hey, guys. All right, man. We love you, Conrad. Is he going to get mad at me if you didn't? I think he was. That was the first call of the year. Sorry. I, over the break, posted on Facebook, I posted that I got some pajamas. But you didn't, did you?
Well, it looked like a nightgown. It didn't look like a nightgown. It was a nightgown. You look like Norman Bates. That was a muumuu. My grandma has the same one. Yeah. My mom wears a plaid flannel nightgown. Green plaid flannel nightgown. You can say it now. You can say it. It was green flannel pajamas. Did it have pants? It was bought in the men's department woods. Did it have pants? No. It was bought in the men's, I thought for sure. Nordstrom. Yeah, a woman, a very large woman, left it at the men's section. She looked at it and she goes, I'll just put this here. You picked it out yourself? What, do you think I got help with that? I just want to know your rationale when you decide. We all do. That's acceptable. Everybody said that. Everybody was like, I want to know your rationale. Like, are you a crossdresser? My rationale was they sold it in the men's department. I saw it. They sell skinny jeans in the men's department. And European carry-alls that look like purses. Guess what? Fanny packs. Guess what? If a European...
fanny pack was something that made me comfortable? Well, no. Okay, if a European fanny pack was something that made me comfortable and nobody but my wife was going to see it. And everyone on Facebook. And everyone on Facebook. Our entire fan base. What did you do when you sat down? Did you have to make sure you covered up? Could you not sit in and out? That was probably why you liked it because it was like you were naked with something over you. It goes all the way down to my ankles. It sure does. Goes all the way down to my ankles. Did you wear little panties under it? First of all, don't call my underwear panties. Maroon man panties. Your manies? Funny. Yes, I do wear underwear. Do you? I do. We know you, Mike. We're just walking around ringing the bell real good. And I wear a t-shirt underneath. Why? That's even weirder than I do. That's not comfortable. I know. Everybody made it out to be like I was Ed Gein, the serial killer. Like I have skin drapes in my house. You kind of do. I don't. What's the best part? It was Taylor. What? What? It was too long? Otherwise it drags the floor. The arms are too long.
Got it just cut right up. Original him, sir? Now, when you took it to that guy, did he snicker? He did. No! It's a tailor at Nordstrom, right? Dude, they're the people there. They're going to encourage you. They don't, like, encourage against. I feel like when you tried it on and it didn't fit right, it should have been like a bell. I didn't have to try it on. You just knew? I didn't have to try it on. I knew. You put it up against yourself. No. That's what you do with a dress. You hold it up against yourself like this. Jake asked if it was a dress. That got me. That got me. Daddy, why are you wearing mommy's dress? Well, daddy has some problems. Daddy's going through something. It's been a rough year. Daddy's going through some things. Daddy's taking some pills that make daddy feel different. Make daddy's breasts grow. Jake has two mommies. What did you say to him? I said, no, Bob, it's pajamas.
Doesn't look like pajamas I've ever seen. If Rebecca dressed your boys in those nightgowns, you would have flipped out. Of course. You would have been like, why are our kids wearing dresses? Imagine Jake coming to you. Daddy, tomorrow's pajama day and mommy got me one of the pajamas that you have. I'm going to wear it just cool. I'd have been upset at her. I'd have said, why are you cross-dressing our son? Maybe you get a negligee next time. Why are you putting our son in women's lingerie? M1 cave dweller from Wisconsin. Oh, man. Are you there? Yeah, we just get hung up on real good. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Happy New Year. It was my fault. Merry New Year. What's up, dude? No worries. Not much. Just wanted to welcome you guys back and say we missed you. Thank you. I'm glad to have you back on the radio. How awesome is it that you have a job where you just can't wait to get back? Couldn't wait. Couldn't wait to get back. Me too. It is a blessing. It's the best. And thank you, Cave Dweller. We're glad you're back. We're glad you're listening. And I just wanted to say that I'm from Wisconsin, and we raised Ed Gein. Dude, you're weird. Dude, you're weird. I'm a strange person. I understand this. I accept it. I accept the fact that I'm odd. I haven't worn the nightgown anymore. I've been shamed. I've been shamed. That's not why. More money well spent. Why have you stopped wearing it? It's dirty.
It wasn't what I wanted it to be. What did you want? You know what bothered me? I'll tell you. There's one thing wrong with it. There's one thing wrong with it. It doesn't have pockets. You can probably get those tailored in if you like. Oh, look at the look on Mikey's eyes. Probably get him sewn right in. A light bulb just went off over his head. You're supposed to sleep in it. Why would you want to put stuff in pockets? No, it's not for sleeping. It's for lounging. He sleeps nude. You know that. It's for like lounging around the house. I sleep in underpants. Underpants? I do. I have my underpants on. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Your wife is a freaking brilliant, brilliant woman. When she posted that picture, I almost fell out of my chair. I didn't think she was going to put that on Facebook. My wife's got a video of me dancing. And I told her, if you post this, you're a dead woman. Why would you say that now? Because now it's going to be. No, I made sure to delete it. But I was playing PlayStation and dancing, like doing the moves. She was filming me the whole time. I guess that's our wife's new bit. Not a fan. Yeah. Well, it's out there.
It's okay. No, it's not. If you like it, wear it. What's wrong with it? It's a nightgown. It's what women wear. That's number one. Nobody sees it. In the privacy of your own home? Yeah. Go ahead. It's probably better than nude. It is. Yeah. It's better than nude. Anything is better than nude. Did your Hungarian nanny see the nightgown? Oh, yeah. Yeah. What did she think? She was, first of all, confused, thought, this is strange. Like, this is an American thing? Well, there's this. the girl clothes. In your country you do both. You wear the pants. You wear boy and girl. Women wear a dress. You wear a dress. You wear a dress as well as Rebecca. You wear like boots up to with skirt. Up to knee. Up to knee with skirt. You have perm on your beard. You get the perm. Dude. Made my day. Made a lot of people's day. About 9,000 comments. It was a good picture. And then I went. She was a little prankster, wasn't she? Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Yeah, then the other big deal was Andy the Elf. I was texting Rebecca with ideas of where she could hide him next. I'm not kidding. I almost pooed my pants. Every time. I almost went dookie in my pants. Every time. Yeah, it would scare me so bad. If you don't know, Andy the Elf is something that's been around for years, but I just found out about it thanks to my wife. Creepy.
I always called it Elf on a Shelf. I didn't know Andy had a name. Yeah, Elf on a Shelf. It's a little stuffed elf. I've never heard of it. It's creepy. It looks like it would have been a character in the Rudolph. Yeah, it does. But what they do, Sienna, is they take it and they'll put it up. If you have kids, you know, and you put it up and say, Andy's watching you. You better be good for Santa to come. And they'll hide it in different places around the house. You don't do it to a 40-year-old. Grown man. Oh, you sure do. First time I saw it, I made noise. First time I saw it, it made me... Where was the first place it was? I was taking a nap. No, wasn't that? No. Yeah? I was taking a nap, Sienna, and she put it in the lampshade. Right by your face. Right by my face. And it scared me so bad that it... I thought, I wonder if she's trying to get insurance money. She's trying to kill me. And she's going to kill me. With a heart attack. Hey, babe, can you sign these forms? Nothing. It's $7 million insurance policy. I thought I'd up us. Yeah. That is so phenomenal. So then I went into the bathroom, and we have what I call a poop closet. It's just all it is, a toilet in a little tiny space. Oh, right, right, right. And there's drapes in there. Blinds. You twist the little stick, and the blinds open and close. She stuck it in the blinds. Of course she did.
So I turn the light on, and there he is staring at me. Oh, my gosh. That is scary. I'm getting that next year. She put it in the medicine cabinet. She stuck it in the medicine cabinet. I open the medicine cabinet, Sienna, and there's Andy, the freaking stuffed elf. That's how small he is. Oh, I made so much. And she thinks it's so funny, and I'm like, I'm hurt, sad, and fearful. Why didn't you do it back to her? Because I tried. And failed? I don't think she cares. Didn't freak her out. I don't think she's as jumpy as I am. She put it in my sock drawer. I went to a Christmas party, and they had all these little kids, like fake kids, and they were all doing the hide-and-seek thing where they were against the wall like this. They were everywhere. There was 13 of them heading throughout the house. Creepy. I kept waiting for them to turn around and chase me. I was like, what are they? That's scary. They're like little Santa elves, but they're hiding in the corner. Oh, gosh. With their arms across their faces. I do not like that. It's scary. And then finally I picked one up, and I was walking around with it like, ooh, look what I got. Creep. Then the husband came on, and he's like, that's not funny.
Creepy. And don't touch my wife. Yeah. For Christmas, I got some PlayStation stuff, and so I got myself some things. Like that watch? Yes. I'm admiring it. I really like it. Did she get a bigger one? Yeah, she got a bigger one. She's got a sonar. It's not a sonar? It's massive. Look at the sonar. What's that? You know, diving with that thing? Is that what's constantly moving? Oh, wow. Yeah, it is. Tells me where you are, where people are in the room. Like adults. Couldn't you just look? Yeah. Yeah, but, you know, this is for those situations where you have to only stare at your watch and you can't look forward. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know those situations. How far does your sonar go? 48 miles. Wow. Does it really? Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Eight miles, Lauren? I don't know anything about sonar.
Neither do I. I would think you would have it for diving or something. Yeah, he's a big diver. He's a big diver. Big in the diving community. Can't keep me out of the ocean or the boat. Can't keep an oxygen tank off this guy. I'm like, where's the nightgown? Can't keep an oxygen tank off this 5'6 bald Mexican. Get him underwater now. Oh, he loves it. He loves it. He was constantly pestering me over the break to go diving with him, and I just didn't feel like it. Me too. I had to just quit answering the phone. No kidding. I got a joystick for the airplane that I fly. What else did you get? PS3. I got a gun. A gun that you point at the TV. Wait a minute. What else? For PS3. What else? Point at it. What else did you get? For PS3? Yeah. What, Woods? He's digging for something. Yeah. I got headphones to hear. Yeah. Here? Oh, my God. Why? That's the new cool thing. That's considerate. Did you get Turtle Beach? I told you, right? No. I texted you and said... You talked about you were going to go online. Yeah. He's now an online gamer. Oh, yeah. Welcome to the club, my friend. I did it. It doesn't mean I do it. L-O-B. It means you do it if you've done it. You gave Jay so much grief for that. Might as well just wrap your piece up now, pal, because you're not going to be using that anytime soon. Are you a prestige?
No, not quite. He's playing like a race car game. I played a race car game and I had an 11-year-old call me, quote unquote, a faggot. 11-year-old. Their language is hideous. It's hideous. It's hideous. You got to mute those guys. I mute those guys. I never came in better than last place ever at any time. You'll get better. Maybe he's from England. You're a cigarette. I'm like, you can't talk to me that way in a nightgown. If the tiny Zapata fits. Zapata. So we got so much to talk about, man. I almost threw up. Oh, that was so great. We got to talk about the Chargers, football.
What else do I got for you? Oh, man. I wish I could have seen your face when he said that. I know. Excuse me? I know. My jaw dropped open. I was like, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I didn't know what to do. I felt like exhausted by the way. I want to come over and start running mouth at those kids. It's insane. You'll teach them words. They're not knowing you. They know them. So today is Black Friday. Hello, man. Today is Black Friday in the NFL, which means... Black Monday. Black Monday. Black Monday. It's her favorite Monday. I just call it Monday. She just calls it Monday for her. So we're going to find out what guys, what head coaches in the NFL will get fired today. A lot of prospects for, you know, new head coaching positions. We'll tell you all about it. Is ABC...
monsters for exploiting someone with a disability. It's somebody famous. Now, you may know who I'm talking about, but I have to wonder if I'm exploiting, too, because I'm going to play the audio. We'll do it next. I just read that L.O.B. went through a body scanner. Yeah. Can you believe it? We'll talk about it. I can't wait. There's so much to talk about. What's going on in the news, Sienna? Today's the last day for... The governator. Yes, he leaves office today. I'll be back. And Jerry Brown is up next. Wow. Yes. This would be the perfect time for him to say, I'll be back. I know. And then run again. Well, he says that he's still going to be giving speeches. He wants to stay involved in some more political stuff. But he actually said that he may go back to act.
We should. Yeah. He said if there's the right script, he will be back. Really? Mm-hmm. You mean if there's a Terminator movie, he'll be back? It was Jude Law? Yeah. Come on. Really? He's got to be the right script. Exactly. I'm not going to do it. I love something very dramatic. He's Helen Mirren. Yeah. He's like working on his acting while he's... Yeah, I got to make sure it's a... Oscar nominee role. It's got to be like a King Charles type role is what it needs to be. Also, if you were traveling on The Five in Southern California over the weekend, then you may have encountered the worst traffic jam ever because of some wind. And it was actually snowing in some parts of Southern California, like Santa Clarita, which it doesn't snow very often. The Five was shut down for hours. People couldn't move. They tried to get alternate routes and stuff, but it was a nightmare. So I know a lot of people were traveling. Sorry if you were stuck in that. Mountains around San Diego. Diego. Full of snow. Looks beautiful. Weather is crazy. Yeah. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Man, we have so much sports stuff to get to today at the 730 Woods on Sports. But right now I wanted to tell you, the Chargers got to be stoked because Charlie Weiss, the offensive coordinator for the Chiefs, is out. After a year, he has taken the job. It's been confirmed by Todd Haley, the Kansas City Chiefs coach, that Charlie Weiss is leaving to become the offensive coordinator at Florida. Oh, wow. Will Muschamp.
Left Texas to take over head coach. Now he's got Charlie Wise to be the coordinator. Dude, that guy is, he's the worst head coach you could get. Phenomenal coordinator. Yeah, he is. So he's going to be next year. And yesterday, Brett Favre retired again. Allegedly. Allegedly. And he said that he is, he's done. It's time. I mean, I know it's time. And that's okay. Is it? It is. Is it? You sure? You know, again, I hold no regrets. Don't you? And I can't take too many players offhand that can walk away and say that. It's the most, easily, it's the most lackluster, like nobody paying attention at all. Didn't even play. Yeah. Didn't play, was on the IR, wasn't, you know, wasn't even on the field. He's done. He knows he's done. Yeah, now it's really over. Yeah. Especially after the sexting incident. I think it is, Woods. Is it? Yeah, I really think it is. We'll see. He'll get that itch next year, and he'll be like, man, I think I could do it. I think I could do it. I don't think anyone's going to call him back. Yeah, I agree with that, too. Really? Yeah, I don't think anybody will. But if he did...
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God. If we got to do this again next year. Don't you want to end on a high note? That high note is... And he didn't. I know. That's what I'm... It's just going to get worse. Yeah. They were talking yesterday. I was listening to Shannon Sharp, and he's like, listen, man, in the NFL, you can't script your way out. Yeah. Okay? It's not always going to end like John Elway with the championship. You're lifting the trophy up. Michael Strahan. But, you know, Favre, the way he went out, man, just probably should have never come back. M1 Mr. Dodgeball from San Diego. You there? Yeah, I'm here. Welcome back. The greatest in San Diego. Thank you so much. Thank you very much. I listened to you guys for the old shows all the past two weeks because I had to work, and I just couldn't look forward to just waking up this morning and turning on the radio in the car on the way to work. It's good to be back. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it's great to be back. I'm glad to have you guys back, and I've been cracking up already this morning, and just love you guys. I hope you guys had a wonderful holiday. Thank you, man. Thank you. We appreciate it. You and your girlfriend. That's right. Why did you say that? Because he always talks about his girl. He does. And now he turned her on to us. Oh, there you go. Word of the day, retina. When you hear me say that between now and 10, don't forget, be caller number nine. You get a four-pack of tickets to San Diego Safari Park, which used to be the Wild Animal Park. Okay. And you'll also get a drawing for two-night stay at Laughlin, Nevada. Real nice.
So the Chargers are out of the playoffs. This happened while we were gone. They're done. They're not going to make the playoffs. And for those of you that wonder anything about Norv Turner, it won't affect him at all. He's got a three-year deal. He's not going anywhere. He'll be back. So will A.J. Smith. Great. Couldn't they pay him out and get somebody else? They could, man. But they've already said that they're not going to. He's coming back, and they finished at 9-7. They did beat the Broncos yesterday. They tried as hard as they could to give that game away. I watched the entire game, and it was like watching the grass grow. I couldn't have been more disinterested, but, you know, it's my job. I had to do it. So I told the wife while she was caulking our shower, babe, I've got to watch the Chargers. I have to. It's work. It isn't work for me. I love them. Dude, I love watching those guys. He just didn't want to call it the shower. But that was work. Yesterday, watching that game, knowing that there's nothing great, nothing's going to come out of it, it was work. Yeah, it's playing for nothing. You know what? There's so many interesting things about this season, bro. Number one in offense. Number one in defense. What? That's crazy. If that's the case, listen, I'm willing to hear.
Anybody call right now, 570-1949, and say, listen, I hate to be like, I believe this is Norv Turner. I think it's a Norv Turner thing, but I think it's a Norv Turner thing. I'm sorry. Well, it's a Norv Turner thing, and it's a Steve frigging Crosby thing. Okay? They had another kickoff return. Is that the special teams coach? Yes. They had another kickoff run back. They didn't catch the onside kick. Their special teams is a wreck. It's cost them four games this year. Four. Nine and seven could have been 13 and three. Yeah. Four games because of stupid special teams. Six kickoffs for touchdowns? Five kickoffs for touchdowns? That's insane. Now, Norv won't fire him. No. And you've got to think that Norv won't fire him out of loyalty. But, I mean, what about us? What about the Charger fans? Yeah, how about the fans? How about Philip Rivers, who threw for 4,710 yards, five yards short of Dan Fouts' 1980 record. He finished second in most passing yards.
357 completions. And you know what, man? What a different team this would have been with Marcus McNeil there from day one, with Vincent Jackson there from day one. Look what Phillip Rivers did it with. He did it with guys off the scrap heap, guys like Patrick Creighton. Guys came and played really well, but guys that nobody else wanted. Siri Ajitutu. I mean, come on, dude. Put the best product on the field from day one and give it a whirl. That's a Super Bowl caliber team that's not in the playoffs. It's sad. What's really sad is that as Charger fans, it's like, you know, it's the same old, same old. Yes, it is. I feel differently about the Chargers than I do about the Padres, though. I have a different relationship with the Padres than the Chargers. The Chargers are not the girlfriend. that i believed in again they're not that for me are they a mistress no the chargers are very sexy mistress no the chargers are a very sexy uh wife they're a very sexy wife that you know as a run of bad luck i'm never gonna i'm never gonna give up never gonna give up and you know uh she's so sexy has she gotten fat
Since you guys got married, she's put on a few pounds. She's mysterious. She's mysterious. Evasive. She's evasive. She's gorgeous. Distant. Distant a little bit. She is. And every year, it would be great if she made me the big dinner at the end of the year that I've always wanted. That's all you want. That's all I want. She's so sexy that, what am I going to do? I got a sexier wife than, you know, it's like, it's art imitating life. You know, I go, I got a sexier wife than I deserve. And so what am I going to do? Complain, you know? Yeah, what can you do? You know, I look at a guy like Phillip Rivers who yesterday, I was watching the game and somebody dropped a pass for a first down and the guy flipped out. I mean, he flipped out still. He was in the guy's face. He's a winner. And if you, if, You can't build that team around him, A.J. Smith and North Turner, and you can't get that guy into the position he needs to be in to win a Super Bowl. He's going to be Dan Marino. And Dan Marino, for as good a quarterback as he was, didn't ever want to ring. That's right. And I don't want to see Phillip Rivers be Dan Marino. I want to see Phillip Rivers be Tom freaking Brady, who has less talent around him, really.
Less talent around him, and he wins. And the thing that's so sad is that the window's going, it's closing. Every year, dude. You can only get knocked on your ass so many times and have these seasons where you're not going to the playoffs and not winning championships, man, where it just closes. All right, so here's a question for you. ABC, does Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve? Now, I'll tell you this. Dick Clark is the executive producer. So if Dick Clark didn't want to be on this show anymore, he didn't have to. But what point does somebody from ABC go, Dick, I don't think we should. I don't think we should. It's time. It's time. Dick had a stroke. Okay. Dick Clark had a stroke. And I just wonder how long. Now I'm honored once again to be working with one of my heroes, the broadcasting legend who's hosted this television event for the last. What, four decades? Ladies and gentlemen, my friend, Dick Clark. Hi, Yaron. I'm real happy to be back with you again. Oh, for goodness sake, ABC. Come on, man. What a wonderful way to begin the new year. I seriously go, I seriously, it's one of those deals where you want to put your arm around him and go, all right, everybody, you've seen enough. That's it. Everybody go to bed. Everybody.
How do you say no to somebody if he wants to do it? How do you say no? Sorry, you don't sound good enough. I think you go, Dick, you're right, LLB. I think he should be there. I do. I think it wouldn't be the same without him. Maybe you stand there and wave. Here's the problem. He's got all his mental faculties, but he had a... Stroke. So it's literally like it's impaired the part of his speech. He loves it. He has the mental capacity to say, yeah, I still want to do this. I've been doing this for four decades. And how do you say no to him? I know. Maybe just waves from the background. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Well, he's co-hosting. They're letting him. They got Ryan Seacrest to run the show, basically. Of course they did. But you only have so much time. Camera time. It takes forever. They're here and around the world. Don't you dare go away. It is an improvement, I'll say that. Over Ryan Seacrest? No, how he was last year. Last year was worse. You know, they did the same thing, Mike, on ESPN, College Game Day with Lee Corso. He had a stroke. And, man, they had him back pretty soon after.
The guy, he couldn't talk, and it was painful to watch. Of course. Because your heart breaks for him, and you know he's like, I sound terrible. But that's more power to him. For sure. He knows people are going to criticize, and he's like, you know what? I love this. I want to do it. So sad. Oh, for goodness sake. Tell us why people are so excited right now. Here is the chairman of the board, Dick Clark. Hi, everyone. We're about to be entertained. Oh, come on now. He's such a... He's trying. Well, of course, but it doesn't seem fair, for goodness sake. Take the marbles out of your mouth. Oh, boy. It doesn't seem fair to him or fair to, like, someone else. I wonder if there are some people that don't know that he's had a stroke. Probably. No, they watch and they go, is he drunk? Is he blah, blah, blah? You know? He's had a stroke. It's time. Sad. I don't know. That's how I sounded on New Year's Eve. Yeah. Different reason, though. Yeah. Different reason. Ever just feel bad watching a TV show? Yeah. I bet you in his mind, too, he's probably...
come leaps and bounds from when he first had the stroke. He has. He probably thinks he sounds a lot more clear than he does. He's a sweet man. He's the best. I didn't even see the countdown this year. The guys look the exact same for the last 75 years. He's great. Dick Clark's great. But, yeah, he's a Brett Favre, man. You got to know when to fold him sometimes, you know? L.O.B., you went through a body scanner? I did. Oh, my gosh. I didn't do it on purpose. I know. I didn't do it on purpose. I was so mad. I didn't sit well with me the whole rest of my trip. I'm like, I can't believe I wanted it to happen on the way back so I could refuse it. I was going... Weird. I was going through... Okay, I didn't have a whole ton of time and I was going through... No, I mean, I got there with an hour and a half to go. Did you? I did. No, I did. I checked in online. I got there with an hour and a half to go, but I still was afraid that, like, if I had asked for it, I knew there was bad weather all throughout the country, and I was just afraid I'd get stuck. But I'm going through security, and they were really sneaky. They didn't say, can you step into this body scanner? They just point. Yeah, because they're, you know, maybe the guy. They're trying to hush-hush it. Hey, you want to take a look at the blonde?
Yeah. So they set me up to the side and then they're like, put your hands over your head. Oh, wow. Like this. You had to put your hands over your head. Like you're doing like a self breast exam. He's like, can you put your hips out? Like you're doing a sit up or something. And next thing I know, I'm like, wait a minute. This is the, but I just didn't. I went against my little voice in my head that said, don't do it. And I was like, just shut up and go through it. You just get on your flight. Ma'am, we're going to need you to make a kissy face. Oh, it was horrible. It was horrible. And then he's like, just stand still for a minute there. And I'm like, great. What are you doing? Just like downloading the image? Yeah. Can you, uh, that's not clever or that's not a double entendre. That's not putting it all out there. That isn't. Oh, wow. Jay doesn't get the fine art of subtlety. Just sort of says it. Throw it right out there. Says it. That a boy. Yeah, so. Wow. Anyway. Yeah, I went through it. And then I texted everyone.
Becky's I just went through a body scanner I was so mad at myself and then yeah on the way back I was like oh please select me just please select me because I had two hours and plenty of time and they didn't select me yeah now it's for sale on eBay with Scarlett Johansson Scarlett Johansson Lauren O'Brien Well, there's a couple guys in New Jersey. No, it was out of San Diego. And they were real hush-hush about it. Of course. They didn't say this is the body. They just pointed their hand to the side for me to follow. And you get in there and were you like, oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. But it was too late because I was like, just shut your mouth. Follow the rules. I went through this real internal battle and I just ended up following the rules. And I was like, man, I just destroyed civil liberties. You made it home to see your family. I know. Do you guys? all feel like you got fatter. Oh my gosh. Yes, I did. Fatter and paler. I had a twitch in my knee, like a muscle spasm, and I think it was from atrophy. From laying for two weeks against the thing and playing. I was building so many dynasties in the NFL and in Major League Baseball.
On my PS3. I mean, I built dynasties that you wouldn't believe. You also built bed sores. Built bed sores, and I think I got muscle atrophy, and that's why I'm twitching. Did you really get bed sores? No. Well, he had a fat sore before. It hasn't even been an hour. It's been two weeks. I love it. He had a fat sore. LMB's a little gullible for those of you that have never listened. A bed sore? You have to be on your bed for like weeks. Months. Months, I think. No. No? No. I know someone in the hospital with a bed sore now. Really? It doesn't take that long. It's probably been there a year, but. Wood's got a fat sore before. Yes, yes. We all know about my fat sores. Well, it's not that far-fetched. I returned to the gym today, and I will not weigh myself because I'm so terrified of what that scale would say. I feel like I need another gastric bypass. Well, you just keep telling yourself over the holidays, well, I've already, it's the holidays. I've already gotten this far. Might as well just dive all the way in. I started saying it. Come December 1st. I thought Woods' famous line a million times. Ever just give up? Every day I thought it. I just kept saying January 1st after January 1st. I did the same thing. And, you know, this weekend ate worse than I did the whole break after New Year's Eve. I had a donut this morning coming in. Oh, gosh. We went to dinner the other night. I ordered all kinds of stuff. And I had freaking cheesecake to finish it off. I'm like, well, just give up. But we're going to go to the gym.
Yeah. Yes. I've already started going after Christmas. I started going back to yoga and started working out again. Yeah. Woods goes, yeah. After Christmas, he goes, yeah, dude, I started the gym again. I go, really? I said, you're not going to wait until the new year? Nope. Kid's going to make it right right now. One time. Twice. Twice. He went two days in a row. Two days. Hey, that's two more than I worked. Hey, and I worked out so hard the second day. I couldn't get out of bed the third day. I couldn't lift my arms. I was like, I think I tore something. That's what I kept telling Jamie. I think I tore something. I can't move. And she's like. You're a lazy terrorist. I did a home workout. I was at my parents' house and I was like, oh, I'm going crazy. So I just started running up and down the stairs and doing like weird circuit training and stuff. And the next day. Are you kidding me? That's like my golden chicken when you don't have anything to work out with. I didn't know what to do. I was going nuts. You were running up and down the stairs. I was running up and down the basement stairs. My mom was like, what was that?
And I couldn't move my calves for like two days. I don't know what I did. I was just improvising. Wow. How about this? I called Woods at one point during the vacation, and I said, it was before Christmas. I said, dude, this is really weird, but I'm actually going to ask you for a Christmas gift. Can I ask you for something? He goes, sure. I go. Will you come over to the house and watch this movie with me? Apocalypse Now? No. No. Inception. King of Comedy. Oh, that's a good movie. Yeah, it's great. Woods goes, sure, Cubby, I'll do that. My nickname, Cubby. Came time, didn't do it. I was building dynasties. What were you going to give Woods in return? He gave me some gifts. Yeah, well, yeah, I mean, I gave him gifts and everything, but... I watched Christmas Vacation. He did. He did watch it. What? There you go. You're a monster. I know. I was tired. What? Tired from what? Sitting on the couch? It's exhausting sitting around all day. Exhausting. Give and take, Woods. Give and take. I told him we'd do it when we got back. You can just live a block from each other. Guy takes real good. No, he doesn't. He gives plenty. You liked the movie, though, didn't you? Yeah, he liked it. It was good. That did. It was actually way funnier than I expected. He was dying. It was funny. It was great. It was funny.
5701949 is our number if you want to call us. I'll watch it with you this week. Will you? Yeah, for sure. For sure. Tomorrow. We're going to hold you to it. Tomorrow. We'll watch it tomorrow. We should do it at my house, though. You know the bit. I can't go to your house. I get nervous. Why? Because your wife makes me nervous. Why? Because she's so cruel. No, she's not cruel at all. She's the nicest woman in the world. But she makes me nervous. I feel like if I'm over there, she's looking at me going. You're taking him from me. You thief. You're thieving him from me and these children. She doesn't make me feel that way. I just feel that way. It's not Rebecca. Personally, it's any mother slash wife. It's any mother slash wife. Exactly right. I know what he's saying, but I don't think Rebecca gives off that vibe. No, and she doesn't. She doesn't. But it's me. She doesn't give that vibe off at all. But I'm looking at her. She gives that vibe off, or you wouldn't feel that way. No, EBS. No, I think all women can. Yeah. All live with women, lived in women.
I'm looking and I'm looking and I'm... Lived in women? Rebecca's like taking the kids somewhere and I'm like... And Mike and I are like sitting there. I'm dipping snuff like in her house on their new couch and she's looking and I'm like, oh boy, she's got to be hating me right now because he could be doing that stuff. Yeah, but if I am... Here's the deal. It scares me. I'm sorry. She's very frightening. No, she is not. She is frightening. She's five foot three. She's a silent assassin. This is a silent assassin. She shanked me the other day. She shanked me, and I didn't even realize until later that she had shanked me. I had a hole in my kidney. She just real silently goes, oh, what was that? Is that gas? I found out she had shanked me. Has anybody listening already had broken toys? Oh, yeah. That you've spent good money on, and the stuff's already broke. That's what I want to know. 570-1949. Is there anybody listening right now that you spent good money on stuff? And maybe it wasn't your kids. Maybe it was just for you, but it's already broke. 570-1949. I want to know. Also, Anderson Cooper did a CNN New Year's Eve special with Kathy Griffin. And I'm going to play a clip where Kathy Griffin's making fun of him for...
how serious he is and how everything has to be a news delivery. It's New Year's Eve. It's like lighten up. But do you think that Anderson Cooper was throwing back cocktails? Because I'm going to play you a clip and I want you to try to figure out if he's drunk, buzzed, messed up. He's been doing it for a while. He's pretty comfortable out there. Let's see. You will hear the clip and you tell me. Hit the reset, man. It's January. This time last year we were all... Taking drug tests and getting all dialed in. Start working. What was our first day? February 1st? On the air, February 1st. Between January 1st and February 1st was the longest 30 days of my life, without question. Yeah, it was. Dude, trying for all of us. Okay, so call us if something you got is already broke. I had a...
two things busted out of the box. Just didn't work. Gotta take two things back. One was for my parents. Got it for my parents. Didn't work out of the box. And the other was candles for me. Candles didn't work? The fake candles? Yeah, they're fake. With a remote control. Is that necessary? You know you're on the radio, right? I know. You know what? I'll be honest with you. With that one, I said it and I had got to the point where it was already too much had been said. And I was like, oh boy, I got to go with this. I have candles. With a remote control. I can't be bothered lighting these things. I need a switch that turns them on and off. I don't want to get up to light them either. You have to admit. Just get the clapper. You have to admit that candles that look real and smell real that are on.
remote control are pretty cool. They smell real too? Most broads love those. Yeah, they smell real. Oh, I didn't know that. Woods. It's for the studio. Oh, okay. Oh, that's a good idea because we can't have fire. Yeah, we can't have fire. It's going to look real cool in here. It's going to make it all, you know, mood. I'm in on smells. It smells good. Woods gives me that look, man. That look is like, you know what the look says? The look says, just keep telling yourself that. The guy likes to sell himself real good. M1 Castillo from Escondido. Are you there? I'm here. What'd you buy? Actually, we bought two Barbie laptops for kids for my two nieces. We have twins. Yeah. The next day, day after Christmas, they're eating cereal on their little kids' table. One comes running in the living room in the kitchen looking for a towel because they spilled milk all over the laptop. And they're already broken. They're already broken. Oh, boy. We bought from Costco, so it's not like they have an exchange. Yeah. So we took it back, and they had to get whatever was at Costco. And Costco don't sell toys all the time. So we end up, I forgot what my sister-in-law bought them, but they got them something else. It wasn't even a toy. It's amazing.
Thanks for the call. Yeah, they got him a lawn chair from Costco. They're like, oh, great. I would love the Barbie laptop, but I guess I'm cool in this beach chair. Can't wait until 4th of July. Giant jar of pickles. Cool. Here's a four-pack of turkey bacon. Here's a giant thing of Best Foods mayonnaise. M1 Rainbow from Escondido. Hi. Hi. Every year my uncle gets my son. an RC car, and this year he got him this huge dune buggy. It must have been like a $50 RC car. Radio control. Oh, cool. Yeah. Yeah, and when my son unwrapped it, I jokingly said, anyone want to take bets how long before this ends up in the pool? Oh, gosh. The next day, it ends up in the pool. The next day. The next day. It wasn't my two-year-old son driving. It was my husband. Oh, wow. Oh, my goodness. Brilliant. So that means that that's an instant. See, that's an instant replacement. Oh, yeah. If the kid had done it, sorry, kid. You didn't care enough about your stuff. Isn't that funny how that works? If dad screwed it up, though.
You have to. You have to. Isn't that funny how that works? I know. So great. Thank you for the call. Brilliant. I got to tell you about this product that I got. It's so great. It's so great. It's a picture frame and you can email it pictures. That's cool. Or send them from your phone. That is cool. So cool. Yeah. So all of a sudden these pictures just start showing up on the frame. That's so badass. Can I get that email address? Never. How many does it fit? Is it like a slideshow? A ton, L.O.B. You could put a ton of pictures on there. It'll just keep going through them. I got one for Rebecca and Woods and... Jay will never have that. It's a specific... It's a specific... Did you have to hook it up to a phone line? No. It's wireless. It's wireless. Wireless. Wireless. We should get one for the studio. So cool. And we can email our pictures from the weekend in every day. Yeah. It'd be hysterical. Oh my gosh, that would be funny. It'd be cool. Just give it to M1s and let them send pictures in. Dude. That is great. That is fantastic, Jay. That's fantastic. Wouldn't we get dirty pictures? No. That's fine. We'll sip through them. Jay's like...
That's actually an idea I had for the meeting. Yeah. Write that down. Write that down. What a great idea. That's a great idea. We'll let listeners send us pictures. Even if they were dirty, which they shouldn't be. They can if you want. They're not going over the airways or anything. Well, they can if you want to. If you're comfortable. I don't want to see your piece. I don't want to see your piece either, but if there's some topless stuff in there, then that's just topless. Will you stop playing a diving board? Can you stop playing a diving board that at first sounds like a tiger? Play it again. It's a tiger growl. It's a tiger going into a pool. It's a tiger diving into a pool. Where's the one I sent you? I can't find it. You're behind this, Wes? Yes. Of course he is. Damn it. I can't believe that Woods was behind that. All right, so here is Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin on CNN's New Year's Eve special. Try to see if you think that Anderson has had a couple of cocktails, if he slurs at any point.
Brooke Baldwin is going to be in Nashville, Tennessee. We also want to show you what happened in Key West, Florida just a few moments ago. Do you want to go there now, Sean? Don't say it like it's a crime scene. You're saying it like it's a horrible tragedy. He's just high. He had champagne. He's got the giddy champagne laugh. Is that a champagne giggle? Like it's a bank shooting. It's hard for me to get out of news mode. Oh, gosh. Oh, wow. News mode. It's hard for me to get out of news mode. It's hard for me to get out of news mode. Oh, gosh. Oh, wow. Yeah, there's a little slur in that sentence. More than likely. Can we isolate that clip for CNN? Especially in the last month. Keep it modest. Shot of the day. Ridiculous. Where's Randy Kay? I'm sorry, man. Nails down the chalkboard. Nails down the chalkboard. Can you imagine going on a road trip with her?
You just sprained my brain. Can you imagine? She's like, oh, my God, we're going to Nevada? Oh, my God. Why do they call it Nevada? Why do they call it Nevada? That's so weird. Why do they say that? Are we driving through the desert? As soon as you get over the border, it's like, oh, gosh. Oh, my God. Look, they're going to stop me. They're going to stop me when I have drugs. I don't do drugs anymore. I used to do cocaine, but I don't do it anymore. It's like cocaine. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's the greatest high in the world. Don't be like, gay guys. Love me. God. I don't feel like I have anyone I can really talk to here. Oh, she's such a beating. Can you imagine? They're like, Mike, can you, Kathy Griffin's going to come in studio, but you need to give her a lift. She's going to Laughlin, Nevada after the show. You need to drive. But she needs to drop off her cousin in Houston first. First to drive in Houston. And then you continue on. No. No. Oh my God. Oh, this is so fun. We don't even know each other. We're on a road trip together. This is great. You think we'll have sex? Why not go on a road trip? Shouldn't it be called like a car trip? Walking on the road. Oh, my God. You can't stare at them. All right, let's read a Twitter question for you. Okay. It's from Lazy Eye. Okay. What does Anderson smell like? Hold on. Wow. Like a dirty, filthy alley, but with a couple of flowers thrown in there. It's a weird, it's musky.
And yet it's also, there's like a lot of hair gel. I smell a little Hugo Boss from yesterday's outfit and a little Prada. All right. People love you. Yeah, he wouldn't be laughing at that normally. Yeah, he's yucking it up. Wouldn't you be if you had to work with that broad on New Year's Eve? I would be housed. What time did you go to bed on New Year's Eve? 10. You! 9.30. Ella B? 3.30. A.M.? Wow. You stayed up until 3.30 in the morning? On the East Coast. Party-er. I had to walk. Jay? I had to walk. 1 p.m. And Jasper stayed up until midnight. 1 p.m.? Or 1 a.m. 1 a.m., sorry. 1 a.m. 1 p.m. in the afternoon. Jasper? Jasper? It's your bedtime. Rebecca and I were asleep, not in bed, asleep at 8.45. What? Wow. You guys. Can I pull the curtain back on Jay? Sure. I'm a little mad at him. Why? My New Year's plans, I ended up canceling because I realized that going downtown San Diego on New Year's Eve was probably not a good move for me. And I didn't have $500, which it would have cost me. It definitely would have been a $500 night. And I was like, forget it. So I texted Jay in the afternoon. No, you didn't. I most certainly did. And I said, hey, man, any plans tonight?
Your text message did not come through until 10 at night. That bit? I get a text back from Jay at 1143. And you know what it says? I mean, don't. You know what it says? Happy New Year. Don't text back. If you're going to do that routine, just wait until the next day and be like, oh, I just look at him. He's going to put it. You know what it says? You know what it says? What? Yes. And that's all it said. My jaw just dropped out. Yes, I have plans. It might as well have said, stay away from me. You're a monster. Don't even think about inviting yourself to our party. I hate you. Dear leper. I work with you. I don't like you. Yeah, you have leprosy. There's no way. I'd already invited you over. I'd already told you to come over for New Year's Eve. Oh, my God. Absolutely. 100%. I told you. Well, we had a conversation earlier in the vacation. Well, then why did you respond so coldly? So cold. Because I didn't. It says right here. It says, mobile equipment status failed. That's all. sent. And I said, what did I say? It doesn't even say. If mobile equipment failed, why did you just text back yes? It was like a long sentence. I said, what are you doing? Nope. But it said yes. And it says, mobile equipment status failure. Do you have plans on New Year's Eve? I don't know what to do. Do you have plans on New Year's Eve? Yes.
And the next response back to you was the next day, and it says, I said, question mark. And he wrote back, sorry, was drunk. I'd already told you. I thought for sure you'd show up. I told you. I said, we're starting the shenanigans at about six. Did you guys get a text from our program director? Garrett! Garrett! Oh, yeah. May all acquaintance be forgot. And forever. I love you guys. I got a text from Lauren a couple of days before New Year's Eve. You did? Oh, yeah. I deleted it on accident, but it said like, all right, we're in. My friend said we could stay at her house on New Year's Eve. You little teenager. And I was like, you sent this to the wrong person. Oh, my dear. Wrong person? Question mark? My cousin said I could use her apartment in New York City. Creepy. Creepy. You just said use her apartment. For what, L.O.V.? Oh, my God. To stay there. I know. We're in. We didn't. We're in. We're in. I was like, we're in. I don't know what to think about this. She's like, and it's better than dollar rate. No. It's better than an hourly rate. Oh, come on. We didn't go there. We're in. I didn't have dinner until like 10 o'clock at night on the interview. We're in. We're in.
See if that's what I said. How are you going to do it? Oh, it's deleted. I know, I deleted it too. You had to take a shower. I was like, wrong person, question mark? Yeah, I responded wrong person with like 12 question marks. When you got it, were you embarrassed? I was like, what is she talking about? Wrong person, what did I say? And then I was like, oops. She said like, oh, whoops. Here's what I love. I love Woodsy texting me on New Year's Eve late in the afternoon, like five or six. You know, playing it up like he's Mr. Responsible. Super responsible. Yeah, he texts me and he's like, just staying home tonight, pal. I said rest easy. Staying home. Because you know he was freaked out because I told him the night before I was going out. I was? Yeah, you were. Okay.
Let's read the text. Oh, boy. Mr. Responsible. Yes. Why are you checking in with Dad? Mr. Responsible just couldn't get his friend Jay to respond. Yeah. I would have been over with Jay. I got a text from Woods asking me if I had any New Year's Eve plans. Yeah. He's like, can I fly out there? Nobody wanted to hang out. He knew I wasn't leaving the couch. Nobody wanted to hang out with me. It's fine. I was back on the East Coast. I didn't go out until like 10 o'clock. Do you have plans? I had already invited you. Yes. That's all it says. Yes. Here he is. Woods texts me at five o'clock in the afternoon after he's exhausted all areas of anybody picking him up and taking him up. And nobody will. So he texts me and he goes, rest. I hadn't even texted him. Out of the blue, he says, rest easy, pal. Kids staying home and cooking with the wife. That's right. That's right. And I text him back. I go, nice. And he says, yeah, not going to F around on amateur night. He wrote that back to me, too. He says, I'm going to stay away from Mr. Ken R. Layton. Wow. Who writes articles for the reader about radio. About Woods. About Woods. And I said, that's a good call. Well, now I'm finding out. What? What are you finding out? That you... I just was going to go to Jay's. You were already welcome. I already said it. Was I? We'd already had the long conversation. Was I? I wonder why Jay wouldn't...
I don't think Jay wants you to see him smoking marijuana. I don't think so either. I don't think so either. I don't think Jay wants you to see him smoking marijuana. I think that that's the deal. And I think that the look on Jay's face right now, the look on Jay's face right now said, oh my gosh, is Mikey a spy? Is there a hidden camera in my room? Is there a hidden camera? Wow. Look at that smile. I'm smoking weed out here right now. Looks like he just got back from... What do you call it? Coachella. Bonnaroo. Bonnaroo. He's got back from the Bonnaroo Festival. I'll take a pee test right now. Will you? Because I know, because I told Mike the night before my plans, and I know he was like, damn it. Who, me? Yeah. I know you were like, man, Woodsy's going to get in trouble. Dude, Woods, honestly, I do not worry about you getting in trouble because I know that you know you can't. Right. This job means more to you than anything in the world. Yes. If you have the tiniest slip-up, they'll fire you. So I'm not worried. Why don't you pick up the phone and call me? Oh, he hates that bit, Woods. He hates the text. He doesn't answer. Oh, I always answer you. Levine's malarkey. He doesn't really answer. Nobody on this show really answers, to be honest with you. I call back. What? Yeah, nobody answers. I can tell this story because our nanny is out of town. Oh, good. She's in Los Angeles.
She doesn't know that I do this, but I have this Hungarian translator on my computer. And so I'll copy and paste all of the Hungarian that's posted on her Facebook and I'll translate it to see what people are saying. Psychotic. Yeah. I'll read it to my wife. Oh, my God. So I was reading it to Rebecca. Look at L.O.B. That seems over the line. It's a little over the line. Well, I don't speak Hungarian. It's like stalker. Yeah, but you shouldn't be there. It's like reading her diary. You shouldn't be on somebody's wall. Why do you care? I know. Do you want them to be like, what's that terrible family up there? I want to see what she's saying about Fatty. She's not saying anything about Fatty. Quote, unquote, fatty. Oh, boy. So she had these pictures on there of her and her buddy who just moved to L.A. Belle. Oh, her best friend. Belle. It drives my wife crazy that I say it phonetically correct because my wife calls her Belle. Belle. Because my wife can't say Belle. Belle. Belle. Belle.
Very lovely, lovely, lovely girl. I met her. Yeah, she's really awesome. So anyway, she's posting these pictures. That wasn't weird. No, she's a lovely girl. It's very sweet. Okay. Very sweet. We got you. Okay. Feast. You're screaming. You're yelling it. So she was a monster? No. You're shouting it. She was lovely. Why are you screaming so loud? Move on. So loud. Move on. You're really shouting. So anyway, I was reading it to Rebecca, and Rebecca kept saying to me, I don't care. I don't care. Nor should you, my friend. Yeah, nor should you. Is it wrong to be inquisitive? Is there anything good? That's weird. Is there anything good? It's not going to translate the right way either. That's the deal. And so I was reading it to Rebecca, and she's like, you need to get a new... Hungarian translator. Were you using freetranslation.com? Yeah. And I go, babe, I go, that's like somebody saying in Hungary because they read like an American phrase like get lost. And they're like, that doesn't make any sense. Get lost. Why would you get yourself lost? You don't want to get yourself lost. That's a bad. And I go, it's probably just a saying. Yeah. You know what the saying was?
Good grains. Good grains? Yeah, it was like, and it was used. They have healthy food there. It was used. Good grains. It was being used like, good gracious. And so do you think that I may have said good grains about a million times yesterday to my wife for everything? I was like, babe, good grains. What are you doing? And she would laugh and be irritated that she was laughing. She was irritated at herself that it made her laugh. But she would do something. I'd go, oh, my gosh, good grains, babe. Watch what you're doing. Watch what you're doing. Which way are you doing? But yeah, she thought it was kind of weird that I was going onto her website and copying and pasting stuff into a translate. It's super weird. It's one of the weirdest things I've ever heard. It's kind of like boundary crossing. A little bit of sniffing around. It's way over the line. Maybe you just go through her underwear drawer too. Oh, wow. That's a big step. Is that a bit of a leap? Is that a bit of a leap? Wow. Maybe taking some liberty? A little bit.
You ever just blow anything out of proportion? Wait a minute. And you went through your other nanny's purse. That was a mistake. That was on accident. You're like a woman, dude. Sniffing around. I'm like saying to them, I'm like, hey, I was reading the ticket on your bra and I didn't understand because... I didn't know your boobs were that big. Who would even think to do that? I'm sitting here like... I would do that. On your news feed on Facebook, you're constantly seeing your friends say stuff. And I want to know... Because it'll have like four exclamation points after it. So I'm like, what is Slovakian Totonkanka? I hate this job so much. And I'm like, I want to know. You were snooping. Snooping. Snooping. You were looking to find something bad about, quote unquote, fatty. I'm not. You want to know what she thinks about that car you bought her, pal. That's what you want to know. Oh.
You guys are really taking some liberties. What if she did say something and it was completely translated wrong and you confronted her? And she was like, what were you doing translating my wall? She said, good grains, Mike. Good grains. Why don't you stay away? Yeah. She's so sweet. Stop. This is creeping me out. Stop. because it's creeping me out. I did watch a documentary last night and some of the documents were in Albanian. And I was like, maybe I should go to freetranslation.com and see. So I could see where your curiosity would be. Yeah. Okay, here's one. I don't think you're saying that right. Probably not. Probably not. Well, all I know is that I want to know what that means. All right, let's put it into the Hungarian translator. It means, I did this all day with Rebecca. I'm sorry, Rebecca. It says this. It says, you are now scared, right? Of you. Isn't that interesting? She's scared of you. Woods, don't you think that's interesting? Her friend is probably listening online right now. I bet you it means something about her being excited because Belle is in town. You guys, if her wall was not public, it would be creepy.
But we read all of each other's stuff. That's right. We don't translate. We don't speak. Because I don't speak Hungarian. So it's not that important. But doesn't it usually just come up in your feed? Like, why are you sniffing around? It comes up in my feed and I don't understand what it says. So I want to know. Oh, wow. You don't need to know. You don't need to. If it's not your language, you don't need to know. You need to know. You need to know. She lives at his house. It's not that. I'm curious. I want to know what people are talking about. You want to go to Hungary? Yeah. Do you now know more Hungarian than Spanish? For sure. For sure. Your native tongue. Your native tongue, yes. M1 Annie from Claremont is on the line. Hi, Annie. Hi. How are you guys doing? Good. I got to defend you on this one, Mikey. I got friends all over the world. And sometimes, I don't know what they're saying. I need to translate it, too. I'm fascinated. But do you spend all day translating one page? You have a point there. Maybe find yourself a hobby. Sometimes you have to spend a little bit of time and be like, okay, what's going on? I haven't talked to them in a while. I'll give you guys that. It's a little weird because she lives in Mikey's house.
At the same time, she got the public. Yeah, Woods makes it sound like I'm smelling bicycle seats or something. Kind of. It seems really weird to me, too. It's a little weird. It's very weird. Sorry, Mike. It's true. I'm sorry. It's very strange. I'm not. That's your employee. I'm not normal, though. No, that's true. It doesn't matter. I'll give you that. I'm not normal. I'll give you that. I'm very eccentric. I'm very, very eccentric. You're a regular Howard Hughes. Yes. Hey, I wear a nightgown, bro. That's true. That is true. That I had altered. I'm an interesting person. I'm different than a lot of people. But for the first time in my life, I'm pretty comfortable with how odd. I'm an oddity. I know that. I'm turning into one. It's great. Older we get. Yep. I'm a germaphobe, yet went to my dad's house yesterday. He made me a quesadilla. Weird. Weird. You just call it lunch. Quesadilla. Yeah. I just call it food. Food. Maybe some food. Actually, you say quesadilla. Quesadilla. Quesadilla. Yeah, see, you guys have shamed me out of doing what I would normally do, which is say my dad made me a quesadilla. Con queso. So he makes a quesadilla yesterday, and the cheese that he used was grated, and it was full of mold. Didn't care.
I didn't care one. So did you pick out the good parts? It had green. It had green on. Didn't care one bit. Didn't care. Fuzzy? No, no. Just green. A couple of the shreds were green. I didn't care. It was delicious. And I just said in my head, I'm like, it's like antibiotics. That's what they basically are. Mold. Fine with it. Right now, Woodsy is looking at me like I'm a deer that can speak. So... Black Monday today. A lot of NFL coaches on the hot seat. Woodsy's going to tell you all about who could be losing their jobs next. I felt embarrassed that I was playing a video game with a toy gun that you point at your screen. So I closed my office door. I didn't want any adults to see me doing it. And then I was frustrated because as I was playing the game, I didn't feel that the gun sights were accurate.
And so I was frustrated playing it. And then at one point I got a visual of me and what I was actually doing at 40 years old. And then I was just, I was so, I felt ashamed. Yeah. A little bit ashamed standing in my office with a toy gun that I'd put together. I, too, played a lot of PlayStation. A lot of sports games over the break. And when my wife would walk in, I felt like I was looking at porn. I did. I was like, oh, sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Let me turn it off. I was like, I feel like I was looking at porn in my pants around my ankles. Can I ask you a question? Yes. And I want to ask you this too, Jay. This is a very real moment here. Guy moment. Do you guys feel that your women despise the fact that video games exist? Gosh, that is a hard question. Kim actually is like, well, go play a game. I'm like, okay. She tells me to. Rebecca does not say, go play a game. Neither does Jamie. Neither does Jamie at all. But sometimes when she walks in, she'll go, ah, really? That's what I'm talking about. It's unattractive to walk in on it. Rebecca does not say a word, because I rarely ever do play video games. But when she walks in and I'm playing.
a video game, I feel like I'm doing something bad. Bad. It's a fine little, like, hot, like, you know, it's the same thing as going off and playing guitar, like building a house of cards or something like that. I was 13 L.O.B. when I did that. I'm just saying it does, it looks a little bit like, really? I was killing it. When you walk in on it. I don't know. Todd doesn't really play video games, so I never really dated anyone that has. I haven't either, and when I see it with my guy friends, I'm like, gosh, you kind of look like a grown-up. Boy. Little boy. I feel like... Say we got our nails done every day and the people came to our house. Like, you guys would walk in and maybe have the same thing. Like, really? With the nails again? It's like the same thing as just watching TV. It's like watching Lifetime movies. No, it's different. She gets embarrassed when I catch her watching one of those. And if you came home every day and she was watching another Lifetime movie, you'd be like, really? With the Lifetime? Yeah, it's true. I mean, but when she walks in and I'm laying on the couch with a blanket around my chin, I got a big fat dip of snuff in and I have my wireless controller. Oh, yeah. And I'm building a dime.
I'm not even playing. I'm just building my team up. Yeah, I found this out about Woods. He doesn't play the games. Did you guys know that? What? You let the computer play it? I'll explain it. He sets it up so that the computer will play the game, and he gets more entertainment out of managing a team, making trades, than he does playing the game. That kind of makes him less of a nerd, I'd say. Thank you. Score one for me. It's like fantasy. You guys just seem like little kids and we're your moms in those situations. Yeah, because when she walks in and I'm laying there, she looks at me and there's this look of disgust and disdain. All the crap you could be doing around this house and you're building a dynasty with the Padres right now. You're trading Cameron Maben. I create. I create things that I believe she's saying to herself that she probably isn't, but I create them. Me too. I have conversations that she's saying to me, and I'm like, but I'm not really doing anything. What do you like? I imagine her going, that's another thing you could get addicted to. No. No.
I bet you. But she doesn't say that. She's never said that. She's projecting. You're projecting. I'm projecting it. I'm like, what? If I was married to you guys. She's like, I'm getting a coaster. I would be like, huh, you don't have time for this. Oh, the time. You don't have time for that. The time bit. You have time to. Play around with your little toys. Yeah. You don't have time to blah, blah, blah, but you have time to do it. Yeah. Because during the week, we really don't have a whole lot of time to do anything but stuff for, you know, work. That's what I tell myself. So if I saw you playing on like a Tuesday night, I'd be like, huh. M1 Joey from Chula Vista. Oh, man. Hello. I'm so happy you guys are back on, by the way. Oh, thank you. I just wanted to say, I actually, I just got married like a few weeks ago. I met my husband at a video game store. I worked at a GameStop. Oh, wow. So question, question, question. Yeah. How often does he play? Oh, my God. We both play together, to be honest with you. I mean, when I met him. Woods, he just put a pretend gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. No. Well, because for him, Woods does not like to play video games with others.
Especially my wife. Okay, but Woods, you're not that into video games. I mean, she worked at games. That's the way they connect. Yeah, like you love that Jamie loves your music. That's important. I want you to play. But there's video games, I mean, for everybody now. Maybe you just have to find the right video game for your client. Mario Kart is fun to play with. I don't want to play video games with my wife. I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to do that. And if she was like, babe, teach me how to play, it would be like somebody would put a pin in me. I'd be like, aww. Well, that's, you know, Sienna put it perfectly. Some people are like, their wife has to share their passion for music. Yeah. They clearly, they have that in common. That's good. It's fun to play like Guitar Hero. Yeah, I bet that would be pretty good if you had the drums and the rock band. People have rock band parties. Yeah. We set up, we played the other day. Yeah, it's fun. The whole family played. There's certain games that are fun to play with. It's not fun to play like a war game with a female that the whole time she's going to be like, wait, who's that guy? Did I shoot him? Oh my God. Bring up the freaking rifle, you moron. There's blood all over. You're going to kill my prestige status.
Once the controller went from two buttons to thumbsticks, all this stuff, Kim was like, okay, I'm done. Because you have to learn the controller now. It's a lot. I love to play Mario Kart. That's my only video game that I play. Like Tetris. Hey, thanks for calling. We appreciate it, Joey. Well, there was a lot of... There was a lot of gaming. Yeah. I gamed like a madman. I know. I was gaming until about 1 a.m. every morning. Oh, wow. Yeah. Just headset on real good. Just pantsless. I'm so sorry, Kim. Jay's kids come down. They're like, Dad, could you keep it down? I'm trying to sleep. The funny thing is, Finn's got it going in his room. You can hear the guns and bombs going off in there, and then I've got it. It's like a war zone. What about Jasper? Jasper's playing Mario Kart. I am. I am expecting a G-Shock controller. Yeah. Stop. Is that like a G6? Yeah, the one I gave you. I gave you my G-Shock controller. Oh, is that the one that shakes? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's fun. I don't like the shaking. Why don't we just switch then? Yeah. Okay. Why'd you give it away if you wanted to? Yeah. I didn't realize. Is it still wireless? I didn't realize, yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't need the rumble.
I don't like the rumble when you hit the corners so you know you're up on the bumps. I don't do that. I play a sports game. I love the rumble. In case you weren't listening earlier, I decided that I was going to go online and race people online. It's all kids, and they curse. They curse so terribly. What do they say? Not saying it, but what do they say? Are they cursing about the game? Are they bagging on each other? This is what I observed. Don't anybody get mad and go, It's not what it is all the time, dude. Sorry. I'm just observing what I experienced. You know nothing about gaming. What I experienced was a lot of white kids talking like gangsters. Yep. I believe that. Yo, yo, yo. I believe that. A lot of in this, a lot of in that. Are you serious? Oh, yeah. And they're white. Smack those kids. No one knows who they are. No one knows who they are. Every word is a bad word. I'm like...
Oh, my gosh. If I walked in on my kid doing that, I'd literally smack him upside the back of his head. 100%. What are you? What's wrong with you? Here's what we're doing. You just do your private party, though. You find your couple of friends that you want to hang. No, no. It's just you get your own group of friends that are like your age, and then you guys just go into your own talk. Jay's in a platoon. Your own talk. It's your platoon. And then you mute everybody else. You can just mute everybody else so you don't have to hear them. But you still see the race. Isn't it kind of fun hearing the other clowns? I get tired of it because it's like, and I have one friend who, like you, who likes to go after them. I'll go get them. And they're like, we're joking. I'm like, all I want to do is shoot you. Why don't you guys just turn the sound off? Can you turn them off? Oh, yeah. Yeah, the headset that I got over the weekend. Turtle, you got a Turtle Beach? Is that what it's called? Nope. Oh. It's, what it will do is it will allow you to control the volume of the game and control the volume of the people talking. Oh, see, that's good. What's next for you? Video game chair? Those headphones make all the difference in the world. It turns your game around. I bet they'll have a video game chair soon. They have them already? Yes! Chances you see it in Mikey's office before March 1st. A thousand percent. I told you they're coming up with a thing that will change the levels in your ears. I don't know. It'll change your balance. Your equilibrium? Yes. That's the word I was looking for. It'll make you feel like you're turning to the right, turning to the left. Rebecca said...
When I was talking smack about these kids, I go, I go, babe, I go, you can hear them coming out of the TV. You could hear these kids talking like black kids. They're white. They're cursing, blah, blah, blah. And Rebecca goes, chances. Oh, no. She goes, what is the over under on Mike? And I don't remember who we were with. It could even have been you and Jamie Woods. Yeah. But she goes, what's the over-under on Mike having a pair of those headsets within the next month? And they were like, absolutely. And I remember thinking in my head, I was like, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Like, of course I'm not going to. It was the next day. I got them the next day. Sure did. You're just impulse buy? Yeah, I surprised myself. You know why? This is classic Mikey, too. this hidden treasure trove of gift cards that he hadn't used. So for him, it was like second Christmas. So he had all this dough to spend, and he was stoked. What happened to your allowance? Yeah, the allowance. But he doesn't get allowance until 2017. So he found all these gift cards and was like, free money. Yeah, I don't get an allowance until June. But I took the one to Fry's, and it wasn't good. But I had all the stuff. Yeah. You were already up there. I was already up there.
Oh, boy. I couldn't just walk away. No, I'd spend all that time. Yeah, it's great. Boy, I'm a nerd. Yep. Yeah. Let's see. So, oh, yeah. You want to do news or sports? This has got so much sports. It's taken me a while to get back into the swing of things. Swing of things. So much. We've got a lot of sports to get to. Where is your open woods on sports? Let's do it. Sweet music. Woods on Sports. Yeah, Woods on Sports brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Man, I didn't even know where to start after two weeks of being gone. So I want to talk some football. Yeah. And I want to talk some football right now. Chargers had a game yesterday. Didn't really mean anything, but it's always nice to beat the Broncos. And they tried to give it away towards the end of the game. They ended up winning 33-2. They really tried their hardest to lose. Oh, they tried hard. It came, dude, I mean, it came down to two Hail Marys that looked.
Pretty close. I mean, one guy's in the right spot. That game's over. Broncos win. But here's North talking after the game about that game and about the season. Cut one. We played a lot of people. We're down to playing some people that you wouldn't expect to, and we had some people obviously get hurt in this game. So we moved a lot of people around, and our guys handled it as well as we could. Sometimes it didn't look as good as I would have liked it to. Ultimately, what we wanted to do was win the game, and we did. Yeah, they did. They finished the season 9-7 and did not make the playoffs. You know who did make the playoffs? The Seattle Seahawks. You know what their record was? 7-9. Oh, my gosh. How did they? Because they won the NFC West. They won the West with a 7-9 record. Pete Carroll and Charlie Whitehurst, the former... San Diego Chargers third string quarterback that they gave $8 million to for two years, came in last night and beat a pretty good St. Louis Rams team. I mean, Sam Bradford, they had some good players. They beat them 16-6. And Pete Carroll, after the game, was saying how impressed he was with the guy, Charlie Whitehurst.
How do you do that with your second quarterback? Charlie got it done tonight. Did a beautiful job of managing the game, playing within himself. His ability to run tonight was a huge factor. He didn't get a lot of yards, but it was a big factor for us to avoid the negative plays. And on special teams, we held it together. So it was a complete win for us, and I really am fired up about that because it's just been a long time coming. Feast Pete. So now I'm going to paint for you the playoff picture. It's set. The playoffs are set. It's a great time of year. Playoff football is awesome. So Saturday, January 8th, this game is going to be dynamite. The New York Jets and the Indianapolis Colts will play in Indianapolis. It's a rematch of the AFC Championship last year. Yeah, and it's going to be great. The Colts aren't really... playing as well as they could. But anytime you got Peyton Manning in the playoffs, man, it's going to be a really good game. The Baltimore Ravens will take on the Kansas City Chiefs. Also, that's on Sunday, the 9th. And then we have... Kansas City Chiefs. Yeah, are in the playoffs. Seattle Seahawks will host at 7-9. The 11-5 New Orleans Saints. Now, a lot of people are like, that's a gimme for the Saints. But you know what, man?
They're playing in Seattle where they got the whole 12th man thing and it's going to be loud. Saints aren't playing that well right now. They aren't playing that well. The Packers played their way in. They're going to be taking on the Eagles on Sunday, January 9th. That's a great game. Aaron Rodgers against Michael Vick. It's going to be incredible. The buys in the first round, the Steelers got a buy at 12-4. The Patriots 14-2. I think that's your Super Bowl winner right there. It's got to be. They look unstoppable. The Falcons 13-3 also get a buy, as do the Chicago Bears, who I am not sold on. just as yet. And then finally, today is Black Monday. Black Monday, for those of you that don't know, is the day after the season, the regular season ends, and coaches typically get canned. There's a lot of guys on the bubble. Marvin Lewis, a ton. Marvin Lewis from Cincinnati, probably not coming back. I can't imagine they would. They finished at 4-12. With T.O. and Ocho Cinco. Yeah, and Carson Palmer and Cedric Benson, and the list goes on and on. They've got a lot of talent on the team.
Marvin Lewis, I don't think, is the guy. Jack Del Rio in Jacksonville, they're saying, you know, it's been eight years, man. He's never won a division title. He's gone three years without making the playoffs. They don't think he's coming back either. Gary Kuviak in Houston, they're saying, probably will keep his job. They've had a lot of guys and players lobbying for him. Jeff Fisher in Tennessee, can't imagine he'll be back. Because they say it's either him or Vince Young. Or VY, yeah. And VY, Bud Adams loves the guy, and that's the owner. Eric Mangini, Cleveland, just been a total flop. 10-22 since he started. They need new blood. That's a franchise that keeps turning over coaches and quarterbacks. Tony Sperano in Miami could be gone. 1-7 at home this year. I mean, dude, it's not getting the job done. Tom Cable, which surprised me. The Raiders? Me too, because they looked better than anybody thought they were. They were 6-0 in the division, man. They did not lose a division game. 8-8 is what they finished at. I'd say give the guy another year, but they're saying, nope, probably not. Jason Garrett will be, they are saying, the new head coach of the Dallas Cowboys. He's done okay. I think he's 5-3.
Since he started, I believe. He's done okay. A lot better than Wade Phillips did. That's for sure. Leslie Frazier will be named the head coach of the Minnesota Vikings. He seems to be a pretty good pick. He's the guy that's been filling in. Yep. He's done pretty well. And Tom Coughlin, they have given him a vote of confidence in New York. He will be back for at least one more year. And Charger fans, so will Norv Turner. Yeah. He'll be back. Yeah. Yeah, he will. He's all locked up in a contract, and he'll be back. Yep. Not going anywhere. Nope. Today's Philly Manning's birthday, by the way. Great. Captain Dumbface. That is Woods on Sports. Woods is pretty mean when it comes to that. Am I mean? Or do I just tell like it is? I don't know. Captain Dumbface. He has dumbface. What do you want me to do? Close your mouth, you know? I don't stand like this. All right, already. Pete Postlewaite died. Now, most people, of course you don't know who that is, but when I tell you. Or when you see him, you absolutely know him. He's got a... He had a big nose. I think it's Postal Weight. No, that's what mail carriers have. I hear you, but I think they pronounce it Postal Weight. Pete Postal Weight. What's a notable appearance for him? Yeah, he was in Inception. Yeah, Inception. Never saw it. He was nominated for an Oscar for the movie In the Name of the Father. Oh. He was in The Usual Suspects, Romeo and Juliet.
Who was in that one that just came out? He's in the town. He's brilliant in the town. He is in the town? He's the florist. Oh, that's right. That's what I didn't know. He's good. Gosh, he's good. What a great movie. I saw that movie over the break. Really liked it. Yeah, he just died from cancer. Ah, sad. Yeah, really sad. Good actor. He was a great actor. Let's see. Hey, let's... Oh, we're a little short on time, aren't we? Time to break. Gas seems like it's through the roof. Gasoline prices are like, they're kind of through the roof. I heard, I saw yesterday on the news, over $4 this year it's going to be. Yep. $4 a gallon. Are you kidding me? $4 a gallon. We've seen that here. Have we? I don't want it again. No. It's terrible. Did we bike tour? Yeah, I'm fun biking. 40 miles. Now, my dad told me, I don't know if this is true or not, but he said that the California gas will always be more expensive because there's a certain emissions test or something like that or octane level that they have to do that can't be used in any other state. Yeah, maybe we get electric cars. Yeah. Yeah. Would love it. I may buy a Prius. Seriously. If $4, I would buy one. Yeah. Woods doesn't... Woods isn't a car guy. No.
He didn't care. Don't care. I just need it. It's utilitarian for me, man. Point A to point B. That's all I need. With a radio. Braises are so quiet. They're so quiet. They scare me. Woods is driving a tank right now, that thing. He fill it up every other day. It's about $85 to fill up. Maybe you get a smaller car. I'm not made of money. Went to the auto show. If I had $160,000 laying around, I'd get that Audi R8. How beautiful is that? Pretty, pretty car. Did you love it? You couldn't sit in it, could you? No. Man, it's a beautiful ride. 570-1949 is our number if you want to call us. So here's what we're going to do. We're going to play Ask the Dudes. Now here's how this works. Ladies call, and you get to ask questions. Me, Woods, and Jay. Okay, now this is what you have to know going in, though. You're going to get real answers, okay? You're going to ask questions like, Why do men do this? What do you really want a woman to blah, blah, blah? Now, I met a girl at Nordstrom named Mindy, and she thought that this was fascinating because I was telling her the whole thing about guys love girls to wear boots with a skirt. It's like the hottest thing in the world. Okay, now, she would have never thought that.
She goes, you know what? She goes, I just found out guys don't. And she goes, the only reason I know is because I have a gay friend and he told me the truth. We'll tell you the truth, too. She said, guys don't like bright red lipstick. I go, no, we don't. Girls think stuff is cool that guys don't. Lots of things. So call us, 570-1949. If you're a girl and you want to ask questions about anything. Human nature, or men's nature, why we do this, why we do that. 570-1949. Just be prepared for a real answer. I was just showing everybody my sling box. Dude, you should keep your sling box where it belongs, okay? You can't just be waving it around and showing it to everybody. There are girls present. Yeah, it's disgusting. Sling box connects to your TV at home. You can watch it anywhere you are. It's badass. It's so cool. It's so great. Badass. Welcome back. Hey, if you're looking for new business cards or you need a graphic designer to do a website for you, any of that kind of stuff, my friend Jared, our friend Jared, he is the greatest. CreateYourDesignOnline.com is his website. CreateYourDesignOnline.com. Guy is amazing. Does amazing work. Amazing and incredibly quick. Yeah. Multi-talent. Can't believe that. Yep. Very, very fast.
Turn stuff around for you. And he's just really good. So do it. Let's see. Okay, so. Oh, by the way. Did you hear about this, Woods? Over the vacation, this guy on Fox News said that he thought that Michael Vick should have been. You heard about this? It was Tucker Carlson, right? What did he say? Tucker Carlson is a guy that is a political pundit for Fox News. he's taking some heat for this. All right. President Obama, it has been confirmed by the White House, called the owner of the Philadelphia Eagles. And during the course of their conversation, thanked him for giving Michael Vick a second chance. Now, I'm a Christian. I've made mistakes myself. I believe fervently in second chances. But Michael Vick killed dogs. And he did in a heartless and cruel way. And I think, personally, he should have been executed for that. He wasn't. But the idea that the president of the United States would be getting behind someone who murdered dogs kind of beyond the pale. Wow. Oh, my goodness. I disagree, by the way. Just FYI for all you people out there. I disagree that he should have been executed. Now, but the guys that cut the little puppy's ears off and left them in a thing? Yeah. Might throw those guys in front of the firing line. Yeah. What's the difference? You think they should be executed?
Yeah. That's some sadistic, crazy stuff. Those are puppies. You were talking about last week about how he picked up. Mike Vick's a sadist. But, I mean, they were doing it as that fake bit sport that you call it. Now, these guys were cutting off puppies' ears and leaving them to die. In dumpsters. I mean, Mike Vick was killing dogs for sure, but he was doing it. I don't think he should be killed. If you cut a human being's ear off, you don't get executed. You should. I'm all for not cutting people's and dogs' ears off. I'm behind that. This is so sad because they're little puppies. They're little puppies. It broke my heart, man. That enraged me. If someone cut off a human baby's ear, I think so. 100%. When they're little and innocent like that. Firing squad. Goodbye. Oh, wow. I don't think Mike Vick should have been executed. Should he play in the NFL? Probably not. That would have been my thing. Maybe you don't let him back in the league after that. I don't think the guy deserved to die. I mean, he'll get his. Well, I listened to that guy, and I think that he sounds disturbed. I think that guy sounded disturbed. I think he sounded like he had a very, very particular issue. Like he had a real particular issue. And, you know, it's funny. I know some guys that have...
I don't know some guys. I know of a person. And obviously it isn't Woods. And I'm not saying that this is people in general. All I'm saying is I know a guy that used to mistreat animals. And now he's like the biggest animal guy. Because he had like a change of heart. And he's like over the top about it. Like over the top about it. And listen. What Michael Vick did was really terrible. It was really terrible. But that dude sounded weird. Yeah, he did. He sounded weird. I'll give you that. I don't, again, I don't think he should have been executed. But, you know, I wouldn't exactly throw him up on a pedestal as man of the year. Like a lot of people are doing with that guy. I mean, give it a little time. Give it a little time. Let's see how things shake out in the next five years. Wow. I hope no one says that about me. Oh, I'm sure they've said it about me.
But I don't think you'd like it. I don't like it. I don't care. I know who I am. I know who I am. Well, me too, but that doesn't stop me from thinking, oh, man, I wish people wouldn't say that. People like a comeback story. They do. I mean, you know, Josh Hamilton, for me, that's a comeback story. Because, hey, man, I've been through the ringer like Josh Hamilton has with some of the stuff he went through. I've been there. I've been there big time. But that's a different type of thing because you do those things to yourself. Yeah. You do those to yourself. That's the difference in it for me. I can totally get behind a comeback story like that or a guy gets brutally injured and comes back. I'm all the way behind that. But this one just hits a little close to home for me. Yeah, man. I want to forgive everybody. Bro, and I think the thing is that it's because the guy's winning. I mean, I really do. I think it has a lot to do with. You know, L.O.B. admitted it. Hey, man, if he was a red skin, I probably wouldn't be on board with the guy. I'd probably be as vehement. I'm not an Eagles fan. Nor am I. You know, per se. Right. But I do think that it's, I like to see a guy turn his life around. Yeah, and you know what's interesting? I always rooted for Tyson. Always. Always rooted for Mike Tyson. He bit someone's ear off. Yeah, he bit someone's ear off. And I was rooting for the guy. I mean, I justified what he did to Amanda Holyfield. Didn't he beat?
What's her face? Robin Givens. Robin Givens, yeah. He allegedly smacked her around. But I think I watched a documentary on that guy. It will blow you away. But it's just weird how I can get behind one guy for what he did. It's whatever hits close to home. I mean, there's people probably like, I mean, you have animals that are tested on, lab rats, bunnies, whatever. I'm sure there's people that that hits closer to home. Rat owners. Well, I mean, wheat. You know, we eat animals. I know we do. I feast on animals. Real good. But they're the kinds that aren't your pets. Right. For most people. That's what makes the difference. It's what makes things cute and cuddly and things that we have. We put priority over. Yeah, some people, their pets are spiders. And some people have snakes as pets and stuff. And I see a snake, I'm cutting its head off. Imagine if somebody was like, you should be executed. Right. You would torture a snake. I see a snake. I'm shooting it with a .45 because I'm scared to death. It's like people say about, they're like, oh my gosh, we have to be careful because dolphins get caught in the tuna nets. And we're like, well, wait, we're killing the tuna. Yeah, what about the tuna? Yeah, we're releasing priority over the dolphin because it's cute. Tuna tastes good. That's Dennis Leary's biggest bit. It's so funny. It's so true. Okay, let's do Ask the Dudes.
570-1949. We're looking for women to call in. You can ask any question that you want. You just have to be prepared for a real answer. Now, this is a key into a guy's mind, or it could be I've always wanted to know this, or it could be I'm dating somebody and I'm trying to analyze this situation and figure out what's going on. Can I ask a generic question? Sure. What would be the sweetest thing for your wife to do for you? Like, like usually there's something that women wouldn't think of, you know? Well, I've talked about this before. I believe we have a love language. So whatever it is, uh, that, uh, is a particular thing that we get fed by, you know, Sienna putting her recap, she, your husband did something for you that was like the greatest thing ever. And he, what did he say? What did he do? Sage woke up at like 4.30 in the morning. How old is she? So people know. She's four months old. Four months. She woke up at 4.30 in the morning and she'd been up a few times that night. It was a rough night. And so he looked at me and we both woke up and he said, babe, go back to bed. I'll take her. And I was just like, oh. And he got up and went in another room and just the whole morning let me sleep in until eight. Yeah. That's awesome. And I was just like, oh, that was better than jewelry, better than anything. Yeah. You know? So.
Now, that in the whole love language thing, they call that acts of service. Okay, my wife's big deal is time. My wife really likes time. A lot of women do. That's why I don't come home with that. A lot of women do. I don't want to steal your time. God's the honest truth. I'm my mother. That's why. I don't want to steal your time. Really? Yes. So you feel like you're stealing... I feel like I'm stealing Rebecca's time. Okay, but you realize, though, that I have to be able to have time for friends. Absolutely. I have to. Absolutely. And you're entitled. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Still scares me. Okay. Now, I get it. As long as you're prioritizing family over friends. And I do. I mean, trust me, I did a lot of family time. I think for Woods, he's probably just like, you know, he's your friend, but he gets to work with you and see you all the time. Yeah, right. That's probably what she thinks, too. For Rebecca, she's probably like, Woods again. Woods again? Yeah. You guys don't get enough of each other? It's not like someone that you don't see every day. Just flip the switch on her and just say, hey, just trying to be dynamic. We're just trying to build chemistry. Hey, just trying to put a roof over her head. It's the worst. It's the worst one. He tried it with her, and boy, the look that she gave him was daggers. It was a Christmas dinner. Christmas dinner. M1 Jenny from Mission Valley, go ahead. Each one of you guys, I'd like to know what you think is more sexy, a woman in pants or a woman in a skirt. Skirt, skirt, skirt. What if it's a really long skirt? Fine. As opposed to really tight pants.
Oh. Oh, wait. Ella B, you just blew my mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about those, like, hippie long, like, loose skirts? Oh, yeah. You like ones that go, like, all the way down? Oh, yeah. I don't mind them. Like, hang on your hips? I wear them, but I feel like they're, like, very matronly. What are we talking about? I love them. Really long, like, hippie skirts. Mike, you like them. I wore one a couple times when I was pregnant, and every time you were like, I love that. Oh. I like them, I guess. I stopped wearing mine because I thought the guys were like, really with that? But with the tight pants, it's... It's like me wearing a muscle shirt. I mean, come on. Know your limitations. Know what you can and can't get away with. I asked Rebecca last night. And by the way, this is a segment for women. 5701949. Ask the dudes you can call up right now and ask us. Ask a guy. You're getting a guy's perspective here. 5701949. Asked Rebecca last night. I said, hey, babe, with these thermals, I wear these thermals, right? I said, with these thermals, can I wear a shirt? You know, a button down shirt over it, unbuttoned. She goes, yeah, absolutely. So I put it on this morning and the thermal was so tight against my fat body, against my body that is shaped like a muffin. It's my body shaped like a muffin. It looks like the top of the muffin is coming over the sides. A muffin top. Muffin top. Hence the name. Hence the name muffin top, you know.
I'm sure you're over-exaggerating. Oh, I am not over-exaggerating. And I put on that. I looked in the mirror. And I said, oh, yeah, you got a lot of work to do. You got to button that up. Everyone's looking in the mirror January 1st, January 2nd thinking, what have I done? What have I done? What have I done? What have I become? Next Christmas, I'm not going to do that. We all do it. You have to put on your winter suit, you know? Yeah. Fatten up. I swear, though. I mean, I was pretty good about exercising in December, even though I was eating not that great. But your body wants to store fat for the winter. Real good. I wish, though, LOB, that I could say what you say. Like, LOB has to, like, explain it to you. Because we'll say to LOB, we'll be like, you look great. And she goes, no, you don't understand. I know my body. Right. I don't have to do that. No, I don't either. I just have to go, look at me. You just have to walk in the room just like me. I have certain clothes I wear during fat time and certain clothes I don't wear during fat time. Everyone does. All of my clothes are fat time. Mine are getting there. This is so funny that you brought that up because it's a workout shirt.
It's long sleeve. Hardly ever used. Yeah, hardly used. It's gently used. And it's got like the mock turtleneck. It's for baseball. Oh, I know that. The jersey goes over it. So I was going to the cages the other day. So I put this thing on and I walked in front. No, the real cage. I walked into it in front of the mirror and I go, yeah, you can't wear that. It was skin tight and this fat belly and my boobs. I was like. I can't wear this to the cages. I'm going to be with my teammates. I thought of that on my neck. You guys, we're going to start working out. Let's do it. I'm serious. We are. We are. Choose. Choose. The problem is that I just said, there's a few problems. A, I have to stop eating things that taste really good. It's the hardest. That's hard. It's the hardest part. Stuff tastes so good. So good. The other thing is, the other deal is that I have to start moving. And I'm used to not moving now. Yeah. Our job, we just sit. We sit. You know, we wake up early. You're tired when it's time to go to the gym. I got real used to a couch. What if I did? What if, like, I think I'm going to start doing 25 sit-ups every break. That can't hurt. And it's not that hard to do.
It won't last. Do you ever just say something? Really? I can't say it. You should try. Just do it every morning and every night. That's a lot more attainable than every break. You know what I've started doing? Don't even. Don't even. How dare you? How dare you? I'm giving them the finger. He's giving us dual fingers, and how dare you? Even a personal trainer would be like, Woods. That's not attainable. Do the P90X every break. Woods, I'm okay with you. Peace, Jay. You know what I've started doing? Every time I go to the bathroom, I do 10 squats before. Yeah. Or after. Yeah. Every time you go to the bathroom? Every time. Wow. Your wife wouldn't do that too, right? She wouldn't tell you. She won't tell me. Because I say, oh boy, I come up with some schemes. Stuff I'm going to do, a little contact. She's a sweet woman. She just looks at me and goes, okay, dear. She knows better. She knows better. She knows better to call me out. What? What? Then it causes a fight. Yeah. She knows she's right. She knows she's right. Yeah. You ever just quit? You ever just give up? 5701949. 25 every break. Maybe 10. 10 a break. Yeah. How do you... Okay, dear. I want to be like Rebecca. Rebecca just eats food for fuel. Shouldn't care. I know. I think about that. I want to do that, too. I was thinking that... Yesterday, I came back, and I was like, all right, I'm going to go to Henry's, and I'm going to stack up on... So I got all this food, and then I make a beeline for McDonald's drive-thru. After I went to...
After I went to Henry's to get all this healthy food. I know. And I said to myself. What'd you get? It's like we're talking about crack. I thought it said Sicilian style chicken sandwich, but it was Southern style. So it's just a chicken. Sicilian. She does not know her McDonald's. Lauren O'Brien. Sicilian. You went to McDonald's and thought you were buying a Sicilian? First of all, I had just come back from New Jersey. I had all these chicken cheesesteaks and chicken parms. Sicilian style chicken sandwich. I was like, I'm going to take number 10, please. Extra sauce. Give me the sandwich. Then I got it home and all it was was a fried... chicken breast with two pickles on it. I was like, this is the worst. This is the worst Sicilian sandwich. The box said southern style, and I was like, ooh. Ooh, southern. Did you get fries? Yeah, I got the whole meal. Did you get a Coke? Sprite. Sprite, delicious. Love Sprite. And I was saying to myself, I need to break the cycle. I was like this. Couldn't wait till I come home and eat it. Boy, two o'clock today. I'm dreading it. I'm dreading working out today. Yeah. Sadist.
But it's so good that when you have a trainer, then you have to control it. Oh, it's the worst with a trainer. I've done it. Well, any feeling better than when you're done. Yes. When you're finished working out, you're like, oh. Cheesecake's better. Cheesecake is better than that. Really? Pizza is better. Pizza. Big Mac. See, I get my endorphins going, and I'm like, man, I just conquered the world. You sleep better. Let's see. You mm-mm better. Wow. That was weird. Kind of strange right there. It's true. No, it is true, though. It is actually true. Well, you just feel better about yourself, you know? I feel worse. Listen to this. Martin Savage, speaking of being out of breath, the guy runs out of the studio, I guess, to go to the bathroom or something, comes back on CNN. Talk about being out of shape. Hello, I'm Martin Savage at CNN Center. More of CNN Presents The Two Marys in a moment. First, though, a check of our top stories. It is a rare white Christmas in the deep south where snow is falling in parts of northern Alabama, Georgia, excuse me, and North Carolina. Delta Airlines has canceled hundreds of flights out of Atlanta. That's in anticipation of worsening conditions, but the roughest stuff is still ahead. The storm is headed northward. New England could get up to 18 inches of snow.
Ooh, out of breath. Meanwhile, police in the Netherlands have arrested 12 men that they believe were planning a terrorist attack. Men who are all of Somali origin were arrested at various locations in Rotterdam. The Dutch intelligence service provided the information that led to the arrests. The police said that they acted on a tip because they believed an attack was imminent. The Taliban are claiming responsibility for a suicide blast that killed at least 45 people, that is, in Northwestern. Somebody get me water. Excuse me. The victims were lining up for food at a distribution center. At least 90 people were hurt. Oh, my God. The Taliban spokesman is denying reports that the bomber was a woman. I'm Martin Savage at CNN. Oh, poor guy. He's going to black out. Holy crap. Oh, yeah.
You could tell in the first maybe like 15 seconds, all he did was go on his exhale. He was like... It's like singing a song. There's songs that I used to play that I'd do that to. And to turn you out, you're like... The guy was completely... It's because we're out of shape. We're just out of shape. Oh, boy. And then you start thinking about how much you need a breath. Anybody got any products that you guys found? You know, I talked earlier about that deal with the picture frame. Oh, yeah. It'll also, by the way, that picture frame, you can email pictures to this picture frame. You can take a picture with your camera phone, send it to the picture frame, and you can also connect it to your Facebook. So anytime somebody tags you, it'll be on your picture frame. It's funny. You brought mine up, though. What? Which is weird. The headphones. Like, I went into Finn's room and sat down with his headphones for his game, the Turtle Beach ones. And we play shooter games. The headphones are called Turtle Beach? They're from Turtle Beach. They're the ones who provide them. You can hear people walking.
So like you're playing a shooter game where you can't normally hear it because it's coming to the TV. You know they're coming from the left-hand side because they walk from the left-hand side. They're wireless. Wireless. I heard of something here in San Diego. What? It's like top secret. I may even get in trouble. No, I don't think I will. But it's a restaurant that's secret and no one apparently knows about it. So I'm going to. I'm just going to let everyone know right now. It's called Noble Experiment. Now, if you've been there, call us because I want to know more about it. One person has told me about it and I'm so intrigued and I want to know so much more. Is it like a speakeasy type thing? No, okay. Downtown San Diego, there's a restaurant called Neighborhood. They have like delicious burgers. It's a really good place. You've been there? Uh-huh. Okay. Apparently, there's this secret wall in neighborhood. It's like a wall of guitars or something like that. And it opens. And you don't even know that it's a door. It's a wall. And the only way you can get in is you have to text the special number to get reservations. And you can't just show up and go in. And they don't serve. Are they smoking weed? No. No. It's supposed to be like this amazing bar with all this cool artwork. And it's secret. And you feel like a really big deal when you're there. It's called Noble Experiment. They don't have food in there. They only have.
drinks. Now like you'll walk in and they'll be like okay what's your favorite type of alcohol? You say whiskey. And they like make you whatever drink that you want and it's supposed to be like special to everything you like. It's perfect for Mike. Well right. Mike would make non-alcoholic. Do you guys have a coffee? Mike would get the Mexican hot chocolate. Can I get a virgin daiquiri? But I'm telling you, I heard about it and I wanted to share it because I want to know more about it. I want to go to this place. It's called Noble Experiment. And they say it's just like amazing. The artwork, like stuff follows you with its eyes and crazy stuff. I thought it was supposed to be because I went to one in San Francisco. It's a speakeasy and you have to, there's no label or anything and you have to like knock on the door and then give a password and the password changes every day. But it's not that hard. You just like go ahead. You kind of have to know about it. You have to call ahead of time and say, what's tonight? password. Do they have a slot where they look through the door at you? No, but they open it up and then look around like it's a big deal because it's supposed to mimic the speakeasies from during the Prohibition era. So rad. So what do you do when you go in there?
It's the same thing. It's really dimly lit, and they don't just say, what would you like? It's kind of the same thing. Well, what do you usually drink? And it's supposed to be like the drinks are better than ever and stuff you've never had or heard of before. We paid like $23 for a scotch. Just crazy. Old wallpaper. The doors, the walls flip into secret passageways. Yeah, it's crazy like that. There's a girl on the phone, M1 Anissia from San Diego, who's been there. Yes! Hello? Have you been there? Yes, I have. I've been there a couple of times. What's it like? Well, it's a wall of kegs that you push on. It's in the back by the bathroom, so you push on this wall of kegs. And when you go in, there's like a little hostess, and you have to text. If you go during the week, you can get in. But on the weekend, it's kind of hard. It only sits, I think, 40 people. And you have to text something? Yeah, there's a number that you text, and you tell them, hey, my name is whatever. Four people for 10 o'clock. Cool. For whatever day and they'd let you know if they had reservations. How do you get in through the keg door? Send us a private message. Can you just open the keg door? Yeah, you just push on it and it opens. But if you haven't had reservations, then they still won't let you in. They won't let you in. Well, during the week, it's more probable that you can get in. Oh.
It's perfect, because I love to go out and drink during the week. Oh, yeah. The drinks are so strong. You're like man down after two. So wait, is that what it is, though? You walk up to the bar, and they say, like, what's your favorite kind of drink, and how do you like, and it's supposed to be the best thing ever? Well, actually, I didn't really like the drinks. I'm a vodka soda girl, and so I just, okay. Too fancy? They have a little menu there, and then you tell them, okay, well, there's this thing with, like, whiskey-ish type drink. Wow. You know, I don't drink and that sounds kind of cool just to check it out. I mean, I wouldn't drink. We can go. You drive me home. They can do all the normal cocktail stuff minus the alcohol. You just get a glass of dry ice. Yeah. Can I get a tonic? No, they could do some sort of lemonade or iced tea. I'm not going with you if you're just getting lemonade now. Why? Yes, he is. I'll be his DD. One more question. So don't say the text number, but how did you get it? Did you know someone who gave you the number? Or can you Google it? No, you don't. I got it through my brother. Yeah, we've gone since it opened.
You just send us a private message real sweetly. Yeah. I'll trade you for something. Okay. You got it. We'll let you come in on a Friday and hang out on a Friday. Yeah. And be a part of our live studio audience. Get a catered breakfast, a backstage pass. And you help us get into this speakeasy. Noble experiment. Noble experiment. Sounds cool. Sounds like she's real interested. How about some Interpol tickets? She goes, yeah, that or Interpol tickets. You see the YouTube clip yet of the most obnoxious kid of all time, they're calling it? No. It's a real short clip and everything, but it's an eight-year-old. Sounds like a 40-year-old tax attorney or something. But I'll play you the clip. You decide for yourself if he's obnoxious. This is a passive-aggressive song, right? Yes. Minus the passive? Minus the passive. This is a song that I... Yeah, let's talk about it. Why not? It's fun. Maybe some new listeners haven't heard about it. Just let it hit. Don't I put enough out there with my pajamas? We all do. It's okay. You ever get your ear pierced? How is your ear? It sucks. It hurts. Let me see. Is there still a hole?
No, it looks fine. If you pinch it, it hurts. Who's pinching your ear? Me. If you pinch it. Play the song while we're talking about it. You can play it. It won't hurt you. It's all good. I used to listen to this song by Wilson Phillips. I was young. It was a song at the time that was a hit on the radio. And you played stuff like this? Yeah, yeah. And I... One time, listening to it, driving home from work, I was crying listening to it. One time? I bet it was more than one. I didn't count. I didn't count. I didn't count. What was going on in your life? I was overweight and I was trying to get discovered in radio, trying to become a DJ professionally.
And I was living at home. Yep. And you were in your truck. I was in my truck. And you were driving home. Yep. And this came on or did you put it on? You put it on. You had the cassette. Cassette. Side A. You knew. You set it up for yourself to cry and be really emotional. I didn't. I've done it. Hey, dude. I've done it. I didn't. Hey, listen. If I've gone this far in telling you the truth. No, I didn't set it up. It hit me by surprise. Oh, it got you by surprise. It got me. But yes, it was a white cassette tape. And of all the songs in the world. It gave me hope and inspiration. And of all the songs in the world. Why do you have that still? What's that? It was from My Pile. They're old love letters of Mikey's. Mike, you can't think we're just going to put that away and never talk about it again. He forked him over during the Mikey-thon. Let me tell you, I was never going to bring those up ever again. Ever. Ever. Ever. What Woods is holding right now is photocopies of letters that I wrote to a girl that I met in Rochester, New York. She worked at a... She worked at a...
Record store. I was very overweight. And I... And I saw her there. I worked at a radio station and had access to equipment. And I went in and I made a cassette tape for her. And I gave it to her. And her and I developed a friendship. I moved back to California. write her letters. And she saved them. Penned them. I can't believe she saved them. Yeah, just in case she ever had to turn them into the police. Oh, boy. Through hours of night and hundreds of miles. Explain what you're reading. It's a poem. Mike wrote her poems. There was a title, but he was somehow unhappy with the title, so he crossed it out. He scratched her eyes. And see, we did this on the Mikeython. But we did it at like...
It was 4 to 5 a.m. 4 to 5 a.m. A lot of people were asleep. Yep. I was. Yes. Oh, yeah. This is a poem that Mikey wrote to, what was her name? Catherine. Catherine. Through hours of night and hundreds of miles. Oh, my God. Sleeps one of the warmest, softest smiles. Oh. Those miles are empty and full of regret for leaving a face I will never forget. Thank God. As if I. Like, I'm regretting leaving her. Yes, you're regretting. Somebody you've never dated. Like, really, dude? Somebody you've never dated. Thank God for the memories that I never made. That I never made. The pain is expensive. Believe me, I've paid. Oh, I've paid. It's better to picture your face to your voice from miles away.
I don't have a choice. Oh boy. Obviously. If you pick up the phone. It's melodramatic and full of despair. Isn't it? Misspelled wrong, by the way. But that's what I feel. So I don't really care. You call me creepy. You know, it's pretty good. It's weird, but Mike, it's not bad. It's not bad. This is a gold mine. I just want to reiterate that. There were seven things that were on Mike's mind when he wrote this letter. What were those seven things? This one is three pages long. The seven things he was thinking about. You, as in Catherine. Life. Me, as in Mikey. My family. Love. Money. And happiness. And what? Happiness. I thought for a second you said napping. Cheeseburgers. And cheeseburgers. Can I get a cup of coffee? Maybe a milkshake. You want a cup of coffee? Yeah, I'm going to get a cup of coffee. You guys, I'll get you one. No, let me. Let's keep reading. Yeah, we'll just keep reading. You have anything else? Oh, where was my favorite part before that I read it? It's okay, Mike. It's okay. Hold on, hold on, hold on. It's okay. Please let it be overshooting. We love you. That's why we do this. Mike, he's leaving the room. He's gone. Okay. Oh, here we go. This is pretty good. Ready? Yeah.
So this is what he writes to her. You are really a babe, by the way, just in case I hadn't mentioned that in my last letter. That's right. Okay, here we go. Tell me something about yourself that not a lot of people know or that you would think would surprise me. Like, I don't know, maybe you can speak Vietnamese. Oh, my gosh. Number two, what is your favorite time of day, morning, noon, or night? Who cares? Why? You ever just interview somebody you've never dated? You ever just give talking points? Who cares, who cares, who cares? What is your favorite Madonna song? Why? Imagine having to respond to him like that. You're like, oh my God, one. Afternoon, I'm awake. Madonna song. One, I love cats. Two, afternoon. Three, like a virgin. Four. He numbered them. He numbered them. And then after he numbers them and gives her, what, is there seven questions there? There's seven. He says, okay, enough with the questions and asks her another question. Hold on. Number four. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Number five. Why didn't you go to the movie with me? I'm going to repeat that one. Number five. Why didn't you go to the movie with me? Number six. How old is your niece and what is her name? Number seven. How sly was question number five? Not at all. Enough questions.
What are you going to do when you get out of school in May? Question mark. Hey, do you have the bear on your desk? Yet another question. Does he have a name? Another question. If not, then I think it's appropriate to give him one. If he has no name, for now, his name is Bill. Mike, why are you naming a bear on your desk? Fuzzy little Bill. Because I didn't know yet. Rebecca. How many pages is that? That's four pager. Oh, wow. And at the top, it says four. That's right. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Four. These will remain in the L.O.B. Museum. The Mikey embarrassing YouTube. I will never throw those in. Do you know that I, at one point, actually became slick with women? It actually happened. Oh, yeah. It happened. I mean. You got a mouthpiece on you, dude. Years later. Mouthpiece can. Get you far. I wonder if it were those moments that helped. Yes. Oh, yeah. Dude, I did some stupidly, stupidly Sally-like stuff. Oh, that's pathetic. Dude, I have... I've left... Oh, boy. I've left...
roses on girls cars before that's not it's lame oh it's lame someone did that for me once i was so stoked yeah i was lame i knew i was like as you started to say that right now i was like he's gonna make me mad because you think it's something cool it was lame yeah i you know i wrote a sonnet my wiener used to be so big That women were like, oh, I can't take it. Like, that's his thing. Now, that's true. But I've done some really lame stuff. You know, I was so lame. I hate to admit this, but I used to actually have such a hairy masculine chest that women were like, your chest is too hairy and masculine. I hate to admit it, but that one time I was with two girls at the same time. I made such a fool of myself that I burnt one of them with my cigarette. One time I was at camp and somebody left me, the boy that liked me, he made a heart out of Skittles.
And the whole table of girls that came with me was like, aww. It's a good move. But it seems so lame. It's a good move, I think. How old are you? Then it seemed cool. Like 16 or 17. But I'm sure he tells his friends, like, one time I left a skittle heart on a table. But the other girls thought it was great. You didn't think it was great. No, I did. I did, I did. But Rose is on a car. It's lame. She saved all of us. Yeah, she obviously. Evidence. One guy gave me 80 bucks. What? I told you the story before. I was in sixth grade. He was in seventh grade. He kept asking me out. I kept saying no. So he gave me a love note. I may have it with $80 inside cash. That's freaking genius. I gave it back to him. Not $60, by the way. $80. Something different than $60 and $80. $80 is like damn near $100. I know. But it's not $100. I'm like, what am I? It's not $60. It's $80. Can't you? I bet you he got allowance. He saved up $100.
to get my hands on those cans. He knew the weight of Sienna's heart. My cans weren't even there yet. They were like C cups. They were just little. They were like C's. Just budding. Just budding C's. It was a small D. A small D. Sixth grade. Sienna told us the other day her bra size. No, don't say it. I'm not going to. That's why I said I'm not going to. When I went home, I was ashamed that I even said it. You were? Yeah, but you guys are like family. Yeah. But it was like, oh. Sienna has big boobs. Yeah. What did you expect? She's going to say like a B. I have a 34B. Well, it just goes to show you how dumb guys are. I was like, I thought it was D. And I just had a baby. Yes. Triple. I'm talking about what you said that they were. I'm not. Mike. Anyway, I'm not proud of it. Let's talk more about Mikey. I would like to go smaller. Should we read more? Should we read? No. We're all done. Oh, I have something to tell you guys. I have something to tell you guys. What? It's on the same line. What? You can't take Lauren laughing at me. What about that pepper between your teeth?
I'm sorry. I didn't see it. You have pepper between your teeth? Yes. Pepper. Pepper. It's right between your two front teeth in the top crevice. Like impossible. You want hair? Do you guys want to hear something freaky? He's still there. No, you got it. Remember for the Mikey-thon, we were going to do something where we contacted. Mikey actually did it and got some letters from an ex-girlfriend. Yeah. I reached out to an ex-girlfriend from sixth grade, wrote her a private message on Facebook. and said, hey, we're going to be doing this thing. We'd love to talk to you. Since you were one of my first girlfriends when I looked like that kid back in the day. Sharp little kid. Said, hey, we'd love to talk to you. Never wrote back. Never wrote back. Maybe she hadn't seen it. She's seen it. She's been on Facebook every day. She's seen it. It creeped her out, and she didn't write back. She married? Yes. And now I feel like a rapist somehow. My girlfriend from sixth grade wrote back. Mine did not. I think that's so rude. It's rude, is it not? She should have at least. If it made her uncomfortable. She should have said it made her uncomfortable. You guys, it's been steving me out since. Because I expected to hear back immediately. Yeah. Nothing. Do you think she thought that you were trying to big time her? Like, hey, I'm on the radio. No. And that's what I think of her. I'm like really big time. You're not going to write back. You think I'm still in love with you? Are you that much of a grown up? Are you friends? Maybe her husband got into her account and deleted it so you wouldn't see it. We're friends on Facebook.
And like she has said before, she has said on my wall before to where my wife has noticed and been like, who the hell is Holly? She's been like, you were the sweetest boyfriend in six. Like she said, I'm like, oh, this is a slam dunk. How do you know she's been on Facebook every day? Every. How do you know? I'll show you. Because he checks her page out every day. Maybe she's looking to try and find some notes or something and then get back to you. Oh, no. I said, we're doing this thing on Thursday. I wrote her like on Monday of that week. We're doing this thing on Thursday. Let me know. We'd love to call you. Give me your number so we can call you on the air. Nothing. Well, maybe she's in a relationship right now. She's married. Well, then maybe her husband's not cool with it. Say that. Say it right back. I'm twisting in the wind. I'm just trying to help you out. I'm twisting in the wind. I feel like a rapist. Why don't you write back and say, hey, sorry to be a creep. Now, see, I thought about writing back going, hey, I'm sorry if that creeped you out. But then I feel like even worse. That's even worse. You just let it go. I guarantee she has an excuse. I want to know. Should we call her? Let's get her number and call her. I'm okay with that. Is there a number on her face? She won't give you her number. You can find it. You can probably find it easy. She won't come on the air though. Easy stalker. Let's just send a message to her husband. But I'm weird for translating Hungarian. What did I do? I didn't do anything weird. We were doing a bit. These girls want to call her. I was doing my homework.
That's it. I do. I want to call her. I'll call her for you. I'm petrified. We would love to call her. Holly. Holly. Holly. That one Pepe Le Pew from San Diego's on the line. Hi. Hello. What's going on? I had like a really New Year's. I dropped my New Year's really good. And we were like working out and focusing on work. And last minute, like an hour before New Year's Eve, like midnight, she pulled on me and decided to go out with her friend. I want to fight with her. I just told her, you know what, I wouldn't spend it with anybody else other than you. And I wanted to make a big deal. You know, I didn't want to start off my new year with that kind of energy. How old are you? I'm 31. What is the noise I'm hearing in the background, by the way? A typewriter. No, it's probably my car. I don't know. I hear like a crackling. Morse code? Might want to get that looked at. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is your car making like a crackling noise?
No, in fact, it got worse. It sounds like someone's popping bubble paper. Yes. Bubble wrap. Bubble wrap. And it's really distracting. Yeah. You don't know what that is, sir? No, I don't know, actually. I'm sorry. Okay. Maybe it's just a phone. I don't know. I don't know. I heard crackling, and it was very distracting. I saw something shiny. Like I was eating chips while I'm doing this? Yes. It sounds like you're eating chips. Yeah. Anyway, you're 32. I got a chip. One. 31. How old is she? I'm 22. Oh, yeah. Don't even worry. Come on. Sweat it, pal. Yep. She's still in party mode. Yep. Well, yeah, but it also sounds like, what are you up to when you're 22? And you've canceled a few minutes before. Oh, no. Please. But the whole story is... Three children. I found out she cheated on me a couple weeks ago. Hello. Well, dude. That's where she's at. She cheated on you, then she canceled your New Year's plans? Yeah, and I just said it, and everybody's like, you're crazy, Mike. Of course she's cheating. Dude, you gotta move on.
You don't deserve that. It's tough to let one of those 22-year-olds go, I bet, for him, 31. So what I did is I called her and I said, hey, you know what, you just need to get your things and you just need to move on because obviously we're in two different parts of our life. You want to still go out and be single. And I'm not here to boss you around or be your father or be anything like that. I want you to have fun and I want you to enjoy life. I've done that. And if you feel that that's something that you need to do, then so be it, do it. But you got to. Let me go, you know? You can't just keep me on the side. I'm paused. Oh, that's so emasculating. I've been there. I have, too. That sounds so emasculating. It's embarrassing. Yeah, I hear it, and I'm embarrassed for him. And I've been that guy, you know, where I've said things like that. Listen, from an outsider's perspective, you know, we're hearing it, and we're like, dude, ooh, you know, you had to say that to her? You know, like, ooh, you know? Get as far away from that as you can. So she apologized and said, I'm sorry. Run. You guys aren't on the same page. If you were a 31-year-old that liked to party, then a 22-year-old would be no problem for you. Yeah, run, dude. Knock it out of the park one more time and then run. She's not grown up yet. She's just a kid. She's a kid. All right, thanks. Good luck, dude. That's rough, man. Poor guy. Yeah. Your year will get better. Date older women is my advice. Yeah, yeah. Or just be on the same page. Let's see.
I got so much. Oh, I haven't played the obnoxious kid. Oh, yeah. Got to play the obnoxious kid. It's not me, by the way. It's an eight-year-old. We're going to play you the... YouTube is calling me the most obnoxious... The obnoxious kid of... The most obnoxious kid of all time. Can't wait. You know what else I want to do? The annual college list of banished words. Oh, yes. You know what that is? Where they say, we can't use this word anymore. I'm sure the M1s have a few for me. We'll do it next. Sienna, what's going on in news? Well, yesterday, President Obama announced that he was honored to sign a bill to provide aid to all the survivors of the September 11 attacks.
Now, this has been like a nine-year debate and struggle. And this is for all the first responders who became ill from working by the World Trade Center. Right. So these are the people that were the first on the scene from the police department, from the fire department, all that stuff. That's cool. So really, really good news. Also, Lindsay Lohan leaving rehab today. We'll see what happens. And Hugh Hefner is now engaged. Are you kidding? She's younger than me. She's 24 years old. And she went to high school with me, Crystal Harris. He proposed on New Year's. Listen to this. Her favorite movie is The Little Mermaid. Oh, yeah. So he gave her a Little Mermaid box. A real mermaid. It's like a little jewelry box. And he gave it to her. She opened it, and the ring was in there. How old is he? 84. Yeah, 84. She's 24, so 60 years. The ring is a circle diamond, a little over three carats, and it's on a platinum setting, has diamonds all around the band. Driving him batty. What? Dude was 60 when she was born. Yep. She went to high school with me. That's the creepiest thing. I know. When I read the story over the break, I saw she went to LJ High and texted Sienna immediately. Of course he did. Did you remember her? Yeah. Like I said, she was a year younger than me. I wasn't friends with her, but she dated this one guy who I was friends with. She was with him for a really long time.
And, you know, she was fine. I remember seeing her really wasted in and out one time at like 1230 at night. It's okay. Yeah. You know, she didn't have shoes on in and out. So sexy. She's had some plastic surgery. But, you know, I can't say anything bad about her. I didn't know her very well. She never did anything to me. But she seemed to be a little promiscuous. Oh, really? Maybe she wants to come in on a Friday. Oh, wow. Maybe I'll give her a call for you. Wow. I would love to hear whether or not she's in love with you. Oh, yeah, she is. Oh, I'm sure Madly. That's what she says. I'm sure Madly. Madly, why wouldn't you want to be in love with an 84-year-old guy with loose skin? She's a saggy butt. Has been with him for, I don't know, maybe two years or so. Three or four days. And I think about Holly, the girl that was with him for, like, forever. And he never proposed to her. And Holly's probably so furious. Didn't Holly get married, like, immediately after she left? Guy upgraded real good. No, she's dating someone else. She looks like a foot anyway. She's weird. Holly? Yeah, she's not attractive yet. Nice body. We all have a nice body. You want to see a picture of her? What? Mike?
Her name is Crystal Harris. Let's see. It's topless. Crystal is her birth given name? Yeah. One of my favorite names. I'm looking at this photograph. Yep. I want to find a picture of what she did in high school and compare. Bring your book in. Bring your flair. I'm looking at this photograph and I'm completely serious. It doesn't look like a girl. With her grandfather. It looks like a girl with her great-grandfather. Oh, my gosh. Can I see it? I'm not being facetious. I'm not being... I'm telling you that it doesn't look like somebody's grandfather. It doesn't look like her grandfather. It's like her great-grandfather. Imagine 84-year-old Hugh Hefner proposing with a little mermaid box. Imagine... That should tell you something. Her favorite movie is The Little Mermaid. Imagine 84-year-old Hugh Hefner going, okay.
Close off. Here we go. Imagine her like, just fight through it. Fight through it. Fight. Fight. Just staring at her ring the whole time. Do it? Yes, they do. He loves Viagra. If he's going to marry her. Yeah. Don't need it. Oh, wow. Hard to wrap your head around. It's very... Isn't it so transparent? Isn't it just so transparent? It feels like it. It feels. She's a beautiful young girl. Don't you want to find like... Someone that you really love and can spend the rest of your life with? She's probably thinking she's only got a couple years of dues she's got to pay with this guy before he... I think that she could potentially have to stay in that relationship for 10 years to save money. He has enough money to keep himself going. Oh, yeah. Guy's in pretty good health for an 84 year. Well, not only that, but you also have to consider like, okay, are you going to leave me everything?
Because in order to be married to an 84-year-old man, I'm assuming that you've got to get the fortune. I wonder if there will be a prenup. Let's just say that it was $3 or $4 million. I mean, that's nothing to him. $3 or $4 million, here you go. If you'll just live with me for the rest of my days. I'd sit it out for a couple years. Oh, I would marry him. If you're a woman and you're looking for $3 or $4 million, that bad. You would think that you would try and you were going, listen, I'm going to marry for it. The reason I'm going to get married to this person is not out of love. It's because of money. If that were your logic, wouldn't you try to meet an athlete? Yes. I think three or four is a real low ball. She doesn't have to worry about him cheating on her. She's going to get calendars, spreads, books. Books? Yeah, she's going to have a book deal. Absolutely. She's already had a TV show. She's going to get so much. A book deal? What is that book? Hef, the final year. Inside the Playboy Mansion, you know? Yeah. Something like that. Weird. The Playboy inside. Never mind. What's under Hef's robe? That's a catchy title, though. Between the Sheets. Between the Sheets. Grotto. The Grotto.
In the grotto. A girl in the grotto. It's disgusting. A girl in the grotto. It really is. So she's 24. Say she has to stay with him 10 years. That puts her at 34. I mean. Filthy rich. She'll probably get her onto her second marriage before I get onto my first. I mean, she's like. Right? Passive-aggressive comment there. I bet you could marry an 80-year-old, though. I'm just saying, these days, people marry later. So she's probably like, I make this huge investment. And I could still, I mean, even if she puts in 10 years, she's got plenty of years ahead. I have a question for you guys, though. If you met a girl. He doesn't have kids? Yeah, he does. They're old. They're 50. They're parents now. But don't you think that those kids are like, we want the dough? Oh, for sure. Guarantee there's a prenup. Guarantee. Yeah, there's going to be a prenup. Okay, but you also have to realize. That she's not going to marry him without getting a fortune when he dies. He is worth a lot of dough. I know. A lot of dough. Right. He can give 10 million bucks to every person on the Mikey show and won't even feel it. I want to know, okay, if you guys were single and you met this 24-year-old beautiful girl, Crystal Harris, but say she's 30 now.
God forbid, has passed, and she's single. Would you be with her? Yes! Even though she's been with Hugh Hefner? No. That seems gross. You wouldn't be with her? No, I would. That doesn't even taint it at all. I guarantee she's getting a side piece anyway. Every guy and every girl, unless you're marrying a virgin... You don't know where things have been. But if you do know. But yeah, you do. Hey, listen. There are women that have been with men that, you know, probably worse than Hugh Hefner. Who's worse than Hugh Hefner? A lot. There's a lot of people. Why? Are you saying that just because he's old? No, because he's been with thousands of women. Oh, yeah. He has been with thousands of women. Thousands. And I'm sure he doesn't wrap it up. That's true. She's right. At this point, especially. Get a medical report on that little fella. At this point, he's like, what do I care? Feels real good. He's got bed sores. What does he care about? Gonorrhea. Oh, my God. What did that... I don't... Even in context, I don't understand. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I can explain it. Oh, wow. I don't know. You can? Yes. I'm nervous. How does that make... She said if he probably doesn't wrap it up. I said, feels real good. I know, but didn't she say that about 10 minutes ago? No.
My timing's a lot. I've been off for two weeks. They got it nowhere. Feels real good. Someone, David, from Fallbrook. What was the word of the day? It was retina. That is right. You're right. It was retina. You just got yourself a four-pack of tickets to the San Diego Safari Park, formerly the Wild Animal Park. Feels real good. And you're also qualified for a two-night stay in Laughlin, Nevada. Laughlin, Nevada, it's like your own place. All right. All right, hang on the line. What is Sienna doing? She's on the floor. That's Laughlin, Nevada. She's choking, isn't she? Didn't somebody help her? I'm okay. I'm okay. I say it's like Laughlin, Nevada. It's like your own place. All righty, let's see here.
You've got to hit those points sometimes. That's right. You know? You know what I'm saying? You've got this. Feels real good. Oh, boy. It's good to be back. In 2011, California is going to get 725 new laws. Wow. Okay to carry an ounce of pot now. I thought that that was voted out. Ten. Woo! Get some. It's an infraction if you have an ounce of pot on you and you get a $100 fine, which is like nothing. So does that mean you can smoke weed legally? No. You can have it on you. You just carry it. So why would you have it on you if you're not going to smoke it? Oh my gosh. You're not like walking on the street smoking it. Right. You have it in your pocket. But let's say I'm sitting at my house and I'm smoking a jerk. I think that's okay. Can I get arrested? You're in your house. As long as I have, let's say I'm. Yeah, you can. You just get a ticket. Why would they come in your house? They have to have a reason. If someone called the cops. Yeah, and if they knocked on the door and you answered it with a jerk sticking out of your mouth, you'd be in trouble. Now, what's the difference between having it on you and smoking? One is having it on you and one is smoking you. Well, what would you have it on for if not to smoke? You'd probably be selling it, which is worse than... That's what I don't understand about this law. Okay, so I'm driving to my car. I have...
A quarter bag of pot, which is less than an ounce. And it's in my pocket. It's in my pocket. I get pulled over. The guy goes, I go, hey, by the way, I got a quarter bag of pot in my pocket. The cop goes, oh, okay, well, you're going to get a ticket. You're going to get a $100 fine and an infraction, and it's not even a misdemeanor anymore. It's no longer a misdemeanor. So isn't that weird to you guys? Oh, yeah. You can't. Does that mean you smell pot? I don't get it. No, an infraction. I don't get it. An infraction is on your record, I think, for up to a certain amount of years. I guess it's like having beer and drinking beer. Is that right? Yeah, one impairs you. But beer's not illegal. Pot is an illegal drug. Yeah. I don't know. So you can have up to an ounce of an illegal drug. Yeah. It's for personal consumption. That's what they're saying. Do you have to have a medical marijuana card? All it says here is the new law makes the possession of up to one ounce of marijuana an infraction with a penalty of a $100 fine. It's to keep all the drug, the people that sell just pot out of the prison system, I think. Also free alcohol samples at grocery stores. Yeah. About time. What? About time.
Yeah, like at Albertsons or Vons or wherever, they're going to have a designated area, you know, whatever grocery store signs on to do this, but it's now legal where you can sample, you know, some alcohol. It's okay. I don't know what vodka tastes like. Yeah, like what kind? Probably wine. I'm sure it would be a wine. Which is good. Or beer. Costco. They do it at Costco, don't they? No, I've never seen wine samples. They do it in Dallas. It says customers will be limited to eight ounces of beer in a day or three samples of wine or hard liquor, which amounts to three 1.25 shots. And then this next one, I remember hearing about this a long time ago. I guess they're just getting around to it. Calorie counts on menus. Oh, yeah. They were trying to pass it before. Some people have voluntarily done it, and now it's... Yeah, now it's law. For any chain restaurant, if you have at least 20 locations, you have to put the calories on your menu. So it'll say, you'll go to Rubio's now, and it'll tell you how many calories are in a fish taco. You know...
I hate it, but I love it. Like last time we went to Hooters, they had it. And I would have gotten something which I thought didn't have very many calories. Because all those guys are watching their weight when they go on there. Right. The salads are like the silent killers. Yeah. I think the salads are going to be good. That's what I was going to get. And it was more than like the burger. I was like, oh, wow. They are. They're like heart disease. And in some places, you think you're like, oh, I'll just be the healthy guy that gets the salad. And it's like 1,300 calories. Wow. Let's see. Okay, so here's some of the stuff. Some of the words, the annual college list of banned words. Viral and epic are amongst the two big ones, or are they the only two? No, there's a few. There's more. But the word viral and the word epic, they're saying are banished words? Yeah, just because they're overused. It's this one school that does this annual list, but they're pretty funny. But the word viral to me seems to be like that's that's an actual medical term. It is. And some of these.
You'll hear, you know. And I mean, it makes sense in terms of something being even on the internet. It's gone viral. It's gone viral. Yeah, viral video. It's not like you're going, you know, hang loose. That's so viral, man. Totally. I don't think. Don't be so viral towards me. If you put viral in an essay at this college, I don't think you're going to get in trouble. It's just there. Right. But they're saying that these words are overused and misused most of the time. Viral is one of them. Epic. Fail is one of them. I hate fail. Give me an example of fail. Lady opening car door fail. I'm like. It's all the pictures. Oh, I've never heard that. It's a big YouTube thing. So if something went wrong and they screwed up, they call it fail. Karaoke fail. There's a fail blog. It's failblog.org and it shows all the fails. And they're all funny. I like that. I just hate when people say, you're like, oh, I went to the grocery store today and I forgot my wallet and someone comments, fail. Epic fail. They do the epic fail a lot. Another one is, this one is annoying, wow factor.
I don't like it. I don't hear that much. The wow factor. I don't hear it a lot. What's the wow factor? It's like an Oprah term. Yeah, it doesn't seem like it's overused. I don't hear it. I've heard it. Aha moment. Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah. I had one of those aha moments. Yeah. Backstory. What's a backstory? I like backstory. It's a good word. These don't seem, these kids that are coming up with these. These kids. As words that need to go away. There's just a couple more. The one that we've all heard, BFF, best friends from her. Mama Grizzlies. Let's feel out of touch. Does that mean poop? Yeah. Mama Grizzlies, it's used to describe right-wing female politicians. What? Like Sarah Palin is a Mama Grizzly. I've heard that before. Oh, I like it. That's good. It's got a good ring to it. I'm just learning it, and it's already out. Me too. It's banned. You're way behind the tie. What kind of a loser am I? Do you guys have any? I'm just finding out about it for the first time as it's being mentioned as something old. Yeah. Do you guys have any? Man Up is another one on there. Man Up? Yeah. You Man Up.
I don't hear it a lot. Those are words that are... It's like saying cool is out. It's like there are certain things that you're going to say forever. They're not dumb. It'd be good if dude... I say dude all the time. It'd be good if that were banished. No way. I love dude. I love dude. I say it all the time and I'm like, dude. Such a good word. When I type it out, I realize how stupid it is that I say it all the time. Dude, really? Yeah, dude. Oh my gosh, I don't feel that way about any of the words. Especially when a guy refers me as dude. I've done that. And that's dude, dude. You don't like it, right? I wish I could call you dude. Matt kept calling me man over the break. And I was like, with the man, really? He did it to his mom, too, and it was irritating me. I'm like, stop saying man. He called you man? He did it to his mom, too. Yeah, the man thing. Girls don't like that. Maybe it's time to break up. That. I don't know. Push that, Jay. I don't know. She's picking on little things now. It's already annoying. It was like saying to his mom. Remirm. Jay, just say that strange stuff. You got nice legs. Don't let them go to waste. Oh, my gosh. Don't waste.
She goes, yeah. He said man a lot this weekend. He's like, did you have sex with him? What kind of part is he trying to do? Where's Jasper? Jasper? Is he well hung? Get some. Did you get some? Did you get some? I'm not a part. in New York City. Did you get some? All of us had the exact same look and it was... You're like, what? Leave the poor guy alone is all I'm saying. What do you mean? I said one thing. Maybe break up. Why don't you just break up? Break up. You said he called you man, then he called his mom man. You shouldn't be calling girls man. Come on, man.
Man is worse than dude. Yeah, man is worse. 5701949. Let's see. Ridiculous. Remind me who the Dapper Bandit was. The Dapper Bandit is... Handsome. Dapper Dan Man. Is that why they call him the Dapper Bandit? Because he's all dressed up and looks sharp. Oh, I do remember this guy. Did he walk into jewelry stores and he would steal... Stuff that would be like all in a suit, right? No. No, Mike. Actually. No. I'm like, yeah, he dressed as Ronald McDonald, but in a suit. Yeah. Is he what? No, he held up a U.S. bank in Point Loma Heights. Oh, I heard about that. And the USA Payday Advance in Mira Mesa. He was just, you know, robbing banks and trying to do stuff. So he was nicknamed the Dapper Band-Aid. Just looking good. I bet he was dressed nicely. Yeah. Yeah. And he was arrested over the weekend trying to enter the U.S. from Mexico. Let me give you some quick headlines on some things. David Arquette went into rehab. And what's-her-name's getting out of rehab? Lindsay Lohan's getting out of rehab. We already told you Hugh Hefner got engaged. Shania Twain got married. To who? To...
Her ex's ex. Yeah, okay, remember the whole deal with Shania Twain? She was married, and then they always hung out with this other couple that was married as well. Shania's husband cheated on her with the girl from the other couple, and basically they've just switched, and now Shania's marrying the guy from the other couple. After the whole scandal went down, and she was like the poor, poor woman that got cheated on because her husband cheated with her friend. She's doing the same thing. Oh, I don't think that's bad. I don't think it's bad either. She's with him now. Well, that makes you think that, you know, she wasn't. Maybe they were swinging. No, they comforted each other. Like, can you believe? Yes, they comforted. And then let's make love because you're here. I'm here. We're both hurt. Yeah. That marriage should last. Well, she just got married. His name is Frederick Thibod. Anna, I'm saying it wrong, I'm sure. There's all kinds of accents on it. Shania Thibod is going to be great. Thibod. She changes her name. Here's the latest from Shania Thibod. On the country station. She changes it professionally to Shania Thibod. Thibod. What the hell is this? They got married in Puerto Rico on New Year's Day. Mikey.
So now we have just diminished to the point where anything Latino mentioned will get a Mikey. Anything black is me. Yes. How many times, Woods, during the break, Woods and I would be walking someplace and we would see an 80-year-old black woman and we would go, I posted a picture on the Mikey show. Genius. It was genius. There was a guy. Well, actually, I was really happy because I saw there's a lot. I believe a lot more black people on the East Coast than there are in Southern California. So I was really happy because, you know. You got to see a lot of black guys. Yeah, but then on New Year's Eve, I was like buddying up to this guy. And I took a picture of him. He was about 80 years old. I bought him a gin and tonic. Yeah. And you probably said to yourself, I love it. I did. Yeah, every time. Every time. I say it with like eight-year-old kids. That's creepy. So does Jay. Give me the only five diet rules that we need. Okay, I just need to find it first. Here we go. Fill up on fiber. Good idea. Snack on almonds. Really? I'm so tired of that bit. I like almonds. I like them. I do too. When you have too many, it's like... They say that nuts in general are supposed to suppress your appetite. So if you eat a handful of nuts before you have a meal... Just get them in your mouth. Oh, boy. It says...
Researchers found that even without increasing exercise, a diet enriched in fatty acids such as almonds and avocados. They're saying it's good for you. Yeah. It helps you lose weight. I mean, I like almonds, but can't make a meal out of them. Is watermelon on that list? What else? Watermelon. I don't know. Full of fatty acids? No, because it's got a lot of, like, the water will fill you up. So you eat less of it, but it feels like it's filling you up. No, it's not on here. It says to stay satisfied with protein. Protein is the same number of calories as carbs. It takes longer to digest. Cheese, nuts. Skip the sweetener. Artificial sweeteners are not good. Mikey. Mikey. And it says dump one high-calorie item from your diet. Like if you go a large latte, just get rid of it. Sodas would be great to get rid of it. Damn it, I don't want to. So many empty calories. God, I don't want to. I've known people that drop like 25 pounds just taking soda out of them. I wish I was addicted to soda and I could just do that. Let's see. Oh, we didn't talk about this. When we were away, what NFL head coach's wife apparently made videos for men with foot fetishes? Wow. With her husband. We have this head coach responding and not denying it when we come back.
Bye. Bye. Bye. We have to institute the woods show. What's that mean? Well, back at the old station, if I was going to the bathroom and we came back on and I wasn't available, we would just always go, okay, it's a Rob show. Oh, huge. So he would have to fill in.
I was about to do that. I didn't want to overstep my bounds or whatever. Get in trouble. No, you can't. Do I just click those on and we're good to go? Yeah, just click them on. I can just turn you on there, Woods. I'm married. That got really weird. Okay, let's see. That was a little shorter break than we're used to. I know, it's because it's the beginning of the year. The beginning of the year are... stop sets are shorter. I got to remember that. Okay, so. I want to hear the obnoxious kid. We got to do the obnoxious kid. I want to hear him. Got to do the obnoxious kid and then we got to do the NFL head coach with the wife that's in the the wife that's in the foot fetish videos. So weird. So weird. First, the eight-year-old little kid that it's a real short clip of this kid, but Anyway, it was this kid that was upset about canceled flights. Thousands of passengers across the East Coast, of course, had to alter their plans. And we spoke to one kid who was trying to cope with the delay. I'm just sitting there on my iPod. It's just so frustrating. I want to be in Florida getting a tan on my back. You little punk. Wow. Eight years old. I'm going to take my belt to that kid. Oh, my gosh.
What's wrong with him? Yeah, why did he make you mad? That was it? Yeah, that's it. I thought there'd be a lot more. He's a little punk. I'm just sitting there on my iPod. It's just so frustrating. I want to be in Florida getting a tan on my back. You're a clown. He does sound like a 65. That was something like a 65-year-old man would say. You're a little eight-year-old clown is what you are. It's not that bad. I want to be sitting and getting a tan. You probably heard his mom saying that, you know? Okay, so. while we were away, Rex Ryan makes the news. He's a weird cat. I guess, like weirder than I... He's a weirdo. Like, this was so bizarre. You couldn't... If you had said, Woodsy, come up with a hundred stories, as far-fetched as you can imagine about Rex Ryan, this would be nowhere near the top of the list. If I had said that... and you suggested this, I'd go, no, Woods. Something they believe. Something believable. Do something believable. That's so ridiculous. While we were away on break, it comes out that Rex Ryan's wife is big in the foot fetish video world. Yes. And makes videos of foot fetishes. With Rex. That makes my mouth water. Oh, with Rex? Yes. Wow. Here, let me break it. I'm going to break it down for you. I've done.
a ton of research on this. Oh, wow. Obviously. They show a video and it's safe. We could probably play it tomorrow. Oh, yeah. I know the one you're talking about. Okay. Is it the one where her feet are sticking out of the window of the car and she's like in a park and the camera walks up there and she's like, oh, hello. I was sleeping. Yeah, I was just resting. And the person's like, what are you doing with your feet just sticking out the window here? Oh, I was just resting. Oh, those are gorgeous feet you have there. I was watching. I was like, this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. The guy is Rex Ryan. What? The cameraman is Rex Ryan. Oh my gosh. The cameraman is Rex Ryan. No. Yes. No. Yes. The cameraman. Is it just like some acting skit? No. Here's what they do. Okay. And this is, I mean, I've looked, I've read, I read the New York Post every day online. And I've read so much about this. They are into this foot fetish. He is a foot fetishist, as is she. He takes videos. He's a foot fetishist. Fetishist. He takes videos of him worshiping, kissing, licking her feet, things like that. They have another guy that wrecks films, a black man, a little bit, that.
Worships her feet and Rex films that as well. They are on a site for foot fetishists. Then they have a profile. They signed up for a profile. They are very in to this scene. This creepy. Now, listen, I like feet. I'm not a foot fetishist, but I like feet. I think feet are sexy if they're sexy. But I don't take you can do whatever you want with your wife in the privacy of your own home. No problem. You don't take videos of it. They posted videos. She posted these videos. Like thinking it was sexy? Does he see nothing wrong with it? For other creeps to do their thing. I guess it's better than a lot of other fetishes. Here's a reporter asking Rex about it. There was another report of pictures. I was wondering if you wanted to comment on that. It's a personal matter and I'm not going to discuss it. Thank you. He's very embarrassed. What I choose to do with my wife's feet and what I choose to do with feet, you know, is really my business. And no, I won't answer any more questions about it. And look, I like feet, but it's none of your business. It's only the business of every person that we posted on the Internet. Internationally. I mean, dude. World Wide Web. Now, the NFL is investigating because they have a conduct policy.
We all know Brett Favre did a little sell-donging and sent his picture out to Jen Sturger, and he got fined for that $50,000. Yeah, but that was naked body parts. Right. I got a booners. Look at Woods. He's like, Woods is nine. Like, Jay gets Woods. He makes Woods laugh so hard with... Sound clips. Eclipse. It's one of the creepiest things ever. This whole Rex Ryan foot thing. Now, I listened to some of it again this morning. And in one, he asks her, can I smell it? He did. I swear to God. I don't understand. I don't understand the obsession. He asked her, can I smell it? I think I said this on the air before. One time I was on a road trip and we saw this guy in a car next to us.
And he was getting after it. Solo? Yeah. Driving, holding a picture. And we were like, oh my gosh, what is that? What is that? We thought it was like a lineup of kids. And then we thought it was ghosts. And then we got closer and it was a pair of feet. Just a picture of a pair of feet. Holy crap. Like, how do you know? I want a one-way ticket off of Earth. Oh, man. You know what's so scary? Can I smell it? Like we live in the same planet. People are so weird. People have like anything you can imagine. Earwax fetishes.
There's all kinds of stuff. Earwax? Belly button lint. Like anything you can think of. For some reason, F Street sent over a box of stuff over to the other station when I worked over there. And in there was a pair of rubber feet. It was Porn Star Serenity. Oh, my. Rubber feet. And they were hooked together, but there was a space in between two of them. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. So I cut them in half and made them into paperweights on my desk. That's creepy. Yes. After you used them. The underbelly world of feet people. Yeah. Yeah. Dude. in the videos where the big fat feet are stepping on stuff and that's a turn on for people as well? No, I haven't. I haven't seen that. It is their giant legs and they're just stomping on things. You know why? It's because porn is just so readily available. People just having sex, that bores people anymore. They need stuff that's just strange. I'm never wearing sandals again. It's weird. It's really weird, and for him to be involved in that, being who he is, it's very odd. It's very odd, and his players have come out. It's odd if you're the UPS guy. I don't think it's that bad. But if you're the head coach of the Jets, it's even more odd. Here's the deal. Like I said, I have no problem with him. He's married to the woman. He loves her. He's been married to her a long time. He says all the time, she's beautiful, she's awesome, but you don't post videos.
I don't even know what to say. Everyone Scratch and Sniff wrote in and says, I like to see yellow bees' feet. Oh, my gosh. Oh, wow. Like, why feet? I like feet. Yeah, but don't they usually, like, stink? Can I smell them? They're very sensual. They are. Oh, boy. They are. I'm going to throw up. Yeah. I mean, they're, like, very sensitive. I got you. You know what I mean? Yeah, I do. I don't like him, for the record. I think my feet and everyone's feet. All right, we can. Dig deeper. Keep going. I think feet are gross. Oh, wow. Well, it just gets stranger because when we come back, what did kids do with snow in Indiana? Oh, boy. In a neighborhood that may be a law violation. The cop that saw it, by the way, laughed. I have an idea. Oh, no.
He wasn't sure what the charges would be, so he left the cop, and now the cop's in trouble for not doing something about it. Would I have done what these kids did? A million and four percent. I didn't know why I wasn't hearing anything. I'm like, oh, I have pressed a button. It's been a while. What are you doing? Let's start doing this. It's got into radio. Giving it a shot. A little rusty here. How about this one? Ooh, is that Winger? Mm-hmm. Nice. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, West Coast. No, Best Coast. Best Coast. Best Coast. Don't mess it up, idiot. Best Coast, dummy. Crazy for you. Big surprise. You messed it up. It's Best Coast. Tonight's 8 o'clock. If it was Winger, you would have nailed it. Then you would have gotten the name right. Gary, don't be so hard on him. Yeah. I'm not going to be hard on him, Sienna. All right? It's his wife's job.
All right? I'm here to be his boss. I'm in Palm Springs. That doesn't even make sense. Leave me alone. I've been drinking for four days. You want to hear this story about what these kids did? Yes. These kids in Indiana? You just got to ask yourself, what would you do? If you were? If you lived in this neighborhood in Lafayette, Indiana. With all the snowfall that we've seen this month, a lot of people have been enjoying the outdoors, but you might want to reconsider what you build out of the snow. It may be a violation of the law. News Channel 18's Aaron Leady has more now on a controversial sculpture that had some neighbors upset. Good evening, Jeff. Jeff, are you really going to call it a sculpture?
I wonder if it's made out of ice. A sculpture. Neighbors along North 7th Street in Lafayette say two sculptures of male genitals were disgusting. The sculptures have been torn down, but the controversial issue still serves as a reminder that obscene sculptures do violate state law. Obscene sculptures. It's art, man. People do that everywhere. It's genius. He probably had to call it a sculpture for it to fit into the law for them to get in trouble. Other kids are living on this block, and it's really, it's just really rude for others. What was I doing over there? I didn't remember that. She was eight years old. I made a big winger. It was baby sage. What's wrong? We have to see what they have been doing. Briar Gill says what he and other kids in the neighborhood along North 7th Street in Lafayette saw Wednesday morning was upsetting. Two snow sculptures in the shape of male genitals were on display at their neighbor's house. I would say, can you please stop? doing this stuff because there's other kids around. The sculptor's creators declined to comment, but still had plenty to show us. I think it's disgusting. I have a two-year-old. Right now, he doesn't even know what that is. It's not even... People shouldn't do that. It's very irresponsible. The best interview they could get. It's Lafayette. What do you want?
Like, I can't believe there's a story about this. Yeah, what would a good interview about this sound like, by the way? You know what I mean? Yeah. I want to hear the guy that's like, I like it. I love it. I'm pro. It's hilarious. Bring on the big one. It's hysterical. As her neighbors began building the sculptures Tuesday night, but she didn't notice what they actually were until Wednesday morning. She's more upset with how Lafayette police responded. They showed up, laughed, and drove off. It was Woods and Jay in the cursor. Taking pictures of it. Taking pictures of our army around it. Jay on one side, me on the other, our faces. We've seen gestures. It was not handled properly by the responding officer. You've got to handle those things. He didn't know there was something legally he could do. So we talked about it, and I did some research, and now he understands that there's... There's more things he can do. He felt more empowered to do some more. Sergeant Amos says that the snow sculpture is in violation of a state statute and that the homeowner could have faced charges. Oh, come on. If we were to have that and they would not remove it, they possibly could be arrested for the misdemeanor.
Now, Amos says the sculptures fell under the state statute category of obscene matter. Now, under that code is a listing for statues or other figures. The homeowners face no charges since the sculptures were torn down, but Amos says such a display is still unacceptable in the community. It's brilliant. What if you look outside on a cold San Diego morning and we had snowfall and your two boys are out there building wieners out of snow? That's when you as a neighbor take it into your own hands. Literally. Take it into your own hands. Just knock it down. Cry about it. Bring a tiger over. Bring a tiger over. Bring a tiger jumping off of a diving board. What would you do? What would you do if your boys would? Because you know Luke, given the chance, is going to build some snow wieners. Oh, he's probably already starting. Yeah, I would go stop building snowmere. Stop building snowmere. Mikey, 30 years ago, would have built snowmere. It's not easy to do, it doesn't seem like. It's a hands-on project. You have to get it symmetrical or anything. I think it's hysterical. It's a hands-on project. Like your hands on your wiener. It's a hard project.
They did a stand-up job. Erect. Penis. They were penises. Irritated if I was driving on the street and I saw it in my neighborhood. I have to tell my kids. I have to describe. It's a wiener. It's a wiener. It's funny. You would have to tell them. They would know. Is there a part of you that would snicker first before you had to tell them? You have to hide your snicker. I would die. Jasper and I would just laugh. Oh, I would laugh. I think I would roll my eyes. No, we would laugh out loud. I would laugh. And it also depends on, I think that it depends on like how graphic it was. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. I am like, I do. There's one on the sidewalk by my house. A wiener? Yeah. Drawn on there.
A drawn on wiener? On the sidewalk. Yeah. It's probably your creepy neighbor. No. Maybe. In what? Chalk? No. It looks like spray paint or something. It's on the sidewalk. Please take a picture. Bring it in. By the way, who's that guy? No. Well, it's been there. It's been there. Oh, wow. Anyway, yeah, it's on the sidewalk. It's been there for years, and it's kind of like... Years? Yeah, it's the L.J. Wiener. Everybody sees it. People have kind of tried to cover it up. They haven't fixed it. They dress it up in costume. It's like the coop. It's a shark. It's about to eat it. It's by my parents' house, which is a couple blocks from my house. So I'm going to go by and see what it looks like now. But I do remember a year ago, Jenna seeing it, and she was like, what? She's like, it's the Del Mar Dong. Yeah, it's the La Jolla Pecker. It's fine. It's no good deal. Oh, wow. Let's all be careful. But it was there for a while. I'm going to check and see if it's still there. It's in spray paint? Yeah. Oh, wow. I'm surprised the city hasn't like... It's on a sidewalk. It's been there for years. The mayor is like...
We got to do something about that piece. We got to do something. Make it into an old man's face with an eyeball. Bring it down the property value. Put sunglasses on it. Holy crap, dude. How was your Christmas? It was so good. It was good? It was great. Got away for a few days. What time did you wait up for the new year? I did not. Neither did we. Neither did we. I did. My husband went out. Actually, the band he used to be in, Transfer, played at the Casbah. And he ended up getting on stage and playing with them. And I didn't know. I'm really sad I didn't go. But our daughter's been sick. So I just kind of stayed home with her. Had some friends over for dinner. We were asleep at 8.45. That's pathetic. I was like 10. I toasted with New York. I toasted with Dallas. You did? Yeah. You toasted East Coast time? Yeah. We watched the ball drop East Coast time. That's cool. And we're like, yay! I toasted with both coasts. Yeah. Nice. Me too. She blew it. L.O.B. blew it out over there. No, it was just getting home. She went to bed at 3 o'clock in the morning. 3.30, but it was all a matter of getting home safely, which took forever. Yes. No cabs where we were. No? What'd you do? Walked. We didn't hoof it. Oh, forget it. What was the temperature? Uh, 30. Oh, gosh. 25, 30. Oh, my God.
You were walking home in 25, 30 degree weather? Had to do it. Oh, wow. Stumbling. No. Not too bad. You didn't have too many? No, not too bad. We didn't get started. We had dinner at 10 o'clock, so everything got a late start. I wonder if we were, you know, doing better or worse with the rest. We got to find that out. Oh, yeah. I didn't see it anymore. There were gunshots on our street. Oh, wow. Gunshots? Guns. We lived next door to a sheriff's deputy and ran into him the next day, our awesome neighbor. And I said, were you guys on last night? Yeah. Did you hear that? It sounded like some serious firecrackers. And I don't know what a gun really sounded like. So I was like, it almost sounded like it could have been a gun. And he was like, oh, yeah. Those were guns. And they were. They were on our streets. Oh, wow. They feel real good. Blowing it out. Yeah, you're not supposed to do that because the bullets come back down. Right. You know. Scary. Wow.
Well, what do you got coming up? What did I grab? Arcade Fire, Fitz and the Tantrums, the Smiths. Grab some Ramones, some Muse. There you go. Good stuff. Yeah. Back in the saddle. There you go. The lovely and talented Hillary's up next, and we will come back tomorrow morning at 6 and do it all over again. Mike Cho's out late.