The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 01/04/11

0:40Line's open to M1 Nations. You can call whenever you like. 570-1949. Yeah. Welcome to the Mikey Show. Today's Tuesday. Four days into 2011. You can call us if you want to. And you can also text 949mikey at gmail.com if you want to text in. And let's see. Let me introduce everybody really quickly. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. The 40-year-old guy with the shaved head. That's me. Woodsy is 35. He's sitting right across from me. He's wearing his Encinitas hoodie. And he's our sports guy. And he's growing the beard out. He's terrible. What are you doing? What's going on with it? I still feel like shaving. I'm shaving underneath. You're shaving underneath? So are you going to try to form something? Get something going?

1:48We're going out of town this weekend for a pretty important weekend, so my wife's already told me that I have to shave. So I think I'll grow it out until Thursday and shave Friday. Why shave the neck if you're just... Just to see what it looks like. Because you do that, don't you? Yeah. I like it. If you're going to be rough, just let it. I don't like the under. I don't like the under. It itches. It itches. I don't even notice that as a girl. It itches like mad. Really? Yes. This one feels okay. Yeah. It looks like crap, but... It doesn't look that bad. L.O.B. is our assistant producer, Lauren O'Brien. She's got a little tie-dye going on today. I have my workout clothes on. We're gymming it. We're gymming it. The three of us. So that I go right away. Yep. Lauren, Woodsy, and Sienna are all going to the gym today. Yep. Together. Together. Choose fitness. Choose fitness. We're going to make it right. Yep. Pump a little iron. Uh-huh. And get a workout. Yeah. Workout. I went yesterday, had to wear a little hoodie because it was cold out. There was four people in the gym. You wear Spandex? Really? Yeah, there was no one in there, man, because it was cold and rainy. I'm surprised because it's the new year. Usually that place is packed. You wear Spandex shorts? Of course, yeah. What do you wear? Like long basketball shorts? No, you know what I do? I do wear something that looks like biker shorts under my shorts. Under, yeah, I do that too. Yeah, because it... It's called a girdle.

3:04Yeah, it is? No. I wear them in baseball. They're sliding shorts for me. A lot of people wear them to a lot of guys because if you sit down on the benches, you don't want to. They're supposed to hold your testicles, but they don't. Just say boys. You need to get a better pair. I'd rather be more adult about it. You should wear a jock. I wear a jock. That's what I need to do. We'll go get you a jock together. I'll go with you. And you get you some shorts, you pull them up over. You know, I think Mike should go alone. He's probably never bought his own jock before. He's going to need some. I haven't. There's people that work there. Yeah, they know what they're doing. I don't want to ask some stranger. Excuse me. Yes, ma'am. Where's... Never mind. Don't ask a woman. Sir, what size do you need? Even asking a guy. It's embarrassing because he's 40 and he's never bought a jock. The guy's going to be like, you never bought a jock strap before? No, sir. Well, why? Have you never played sports? Maybe I just take it to the house. You don't wear a jock when you play. I guess you don't need a jock when you play PS3 all day, do you? You don't. Okay. You don't. They're right over there. Thanks. What are you, medium? No. Large? No. XL? Uh-uh. I'll find it. I'll go with you, pal. The kid's very experienced in buying jocks. I burn through them once a season. Do you? Yeah.

4:26Oh, my goodness. I like all new stuff at the beginning of the season. So I've got like six in my drawer at home. Oh, what do you do with the old ones? They're in there. Lose their elasticity and get all weird. They do. They do. I haven't bought a jock since I was 14 years old playing. Well, not playing, but not participating. Yeah. Dressed for football. Sitting on the sideline for freshman football. I think the way that you guys feel about women's feminine products is the way I feel about a jockstrap. Really? When I see it, I'm like... Fair enough. I get up with my pinchers. It just stinks. Yeah, it's gross. It's pretty gnarly, dude. It's pretty gnarly. It looks so weird. It looks so weird. I like to wear it around the house a bit. Like before a game. Ass open? Yeah. Ass open. And I do the thong pop. Like the... Oh, wow. And Jamie's like, I hate you. The straps. Like a bra strap. Yeah, like a strap. Mortifying. Mortifying.

5:32Oh, wow. Let's light up the phone lines. 5701-949. You can call, ask us questions. You can call, say hi. You can call and do anything you want at the beginning and end of every show. It's open phone, so it's up to you. Sienna's our news girl. She's 25 years of age, and she has a little baby named Sage. And Sage is four months old. woke up right when I left. She, like, senses go off every time I leave the house and my poor husband has to get up at three. I know! We need to fix it! It's so hard! Oh my. Jay is our producer. He's 47 years old. And he's got on his Go Go Gadget t-shirt today. And our phone screener today is Will. It's Will. All right, so the word of the day is grapefruit. When you hear me say grapefruit between now and 10 a.m., be caller number nine, and you'll get tickets, four-packet tickets to what used to be the Wild Animal Park. Now it's called the San Diego Safari Park. It's worth $160. And we'll qualify you for a drawing for a two-night stay in Laughlin, Nevada with a $50 gift card. That's Laughlin, Nevada.

6:49It's like you own the place. Nailed it. You killed it. Nailed it. Thank you so much for your support. And it's also like your own place, so that's a good thing. Mikey Show, who's this? Hello. Is this working? Oh, boy. Or is it not? Hello. That's why. It's because I have to press a couple of buttons here. Call us, though. We want to talk to you. Chargers have fired someone. I feel vindicated, actually. I do. On Sunday, I posted on my Facebook, pack your bags, Steve Crosby, because it's time for you to go. Your special teams has been below subpar. What's below subpar? Atrocious. Atrocious, yeah.

7:41I posted that. Pack your bags. It's time to go. And people were like, they'll never fire him. He'll never be fired. That's the Charger way. Well, they fired him yesterday. He's gone. You never want to see anybody fired. It sucks. But, dude, when your special teams is, there's obviously something wrong that you can't fix from week to week. You got to start at the top, man. And so they did let him go. And this is going to be a very weird. offseason here in San Diego. Weird. Do you know all the players that are not under contract next year? Who? Vincent Jackson. We knew that. Malcolm Floyd. Darren Sproles. Jeremy Clary. Stephen Cooper. Kevin Burnett. And about 12 other guys. Those are big names. Big, integral names. Here's the thing, though. The NFL will...

8:4050-50, they lock out next year? Yeah. Really? It's that high? It's probably that high. Yikes. I say leaning towards lockout for sure. Really? And you know the interesting thing, they talked to a lot of players yesterday and they said, hey, we've been hearing about this from the league for about a year. So we've been saving our money. Probably the majority of the guys have been saving their money. They're telling them, listen, guys, save your paychecks because it's imminent. Yeah. I don't want to say imminent, but they... If the NFL locks out, you'll lose. Will they do the scab thing? I don't think so. They won't have scab. We'll also watch the XFL. They don't even have that anymore. Remember the last time they had scabs? How freaking awful it was. Dude, I'm telling you, I will be jonesing for the product so bad. No way. Oh, yeah. No way. You will not watch. I'll watch it as a joke, but I won't get into it. Well, no, but I'll watch it. Oh, I'll watch it as a joke. Maybe you guys can watch the LFL. What's that? It's the lingerie football. Oh, well, I'm in on that. I'm a season ticket holder there. We have a team here in San Diego. Here's the thing. The NFL is now, and it pains me to admit it, it's our national pastime. It's overtaking baseball as our national pastime. I told Nita that last night, our Hungarian nanny. And it's true, and I'm a smart enough dude to admit it, but if this happens, all that that they've done the last 20 years to overtake baseball, gone.

10:06Oh, yeah. I agree. M1 Detail from Oceanside. What is up, dude? What's up, Mikey? What's going on? I just got back in your voice. Right on, brother. We love you. All right, guys. Love you, dude. Love you, too. I'll see you. I'll see you. That's M1 Detail. So this is very interesting because we have a very unique perspective on this. The Santee couple, right? Come on in here, Will. The Santee couple. Michael Kaur and Janice Jarvis. So fill us in for people that don't know. Okay, what happened over the weekend was this couple, the man called 911 and said...

10:55Basically, I'm going to shoot myself and then shoot my wife and we're burning our house down. Or shoot my wife and then shoot myself and we're burning our house down because of financial problems they were having. Their house was under foreclosure. They were entering the New Year job list. They were legally bankrupt. And he did. He burned his house down. And his stepsister is now coming forward. Her name is Catherine Richmond. She lives in La Mesa. And she says that a letter just came to her house from her stepbrother. You know, basically saying, by the time you... you get this letter, my wife and I will be dead and our house will be burned down. We have nothing to live for. Oh, I have goosebumps just talking about it. So that proved that he kind of planned it with his wife then? Right, right, right. Yeah, and his stepsister actually said about a month ago he called and left a message on her phone saying he wasn't going to be around much longer and thanking her for being a good sister. The voice you just heard was Will, by the way, who is our phone screener. How old are you, Will? 23, actually 24 on next Monday, January 10th. There you go. There you go, buddy. You live across the street from this couple? I do.

11:59It was crazy. I was actually in Orange County driving back from New Year's. It was New Year's Day. And I got like three or four different texts from different people I know in Santee. And they didn't know whose house it was. They just knew it was the 8500 block of Clifford Heights. And I live on the 8500 block. So they were just like, oh, your parents okay? Are you okay? So it was just confusion. I didn't know what was going on. And finally my mom called me. And, you know, mom's just kind of freaking out already. She's like, it's the shootout at the OK Corral. I don't know what's going on. So it took a while for her to explain exactly what's going on. But I drive as fast as I can. I get in there and the whole street's blocked off. And the cops are up there. And the house is already kind of burning up. There was explosives in the house too, weren't there? Yeah. So they said it was kind of just like the Escondido house where I guess this guy had. the bomb factory ammunition and different stuff in his garage so once the fire reached the garage just kind of ammunition and bolts flying everywhere yeah that's like people were hearing noises from far away and they were like what is going on i mean explosions oh yeah holy cow yeah the creepiest thing i guess is you know just that

13:04Like I was saying, they planned that with the wife and that stuff. Did you ever see them? Did you see this guy? No. Because he lived across the street. You never saw him. No, and I was asking my mom, I was like, which house is it? Because we know most everybody around there, and it was just the one house that nobody's ever seen. Nobody knew. Because when the first reports came in, the cops and everybody were asking each house, they were like, what's his name? No one even knew his first name. They had to go into the records to find out even who owned the house. He was a loner, kept to himself. Yeah, him and his wife. But it's weird because it's a two-story house. It's a fairly large house. I didn't know if they bought it with whoever, but yeah. Jay? Will, didn't you say that he went across the street and gave a guy his compressor, but he was already kind of covered in gas? Yeah, that's so weird. What? Across the street, there's like an 18, 19-year-old kid, and he's always working on his cars. And before all this happened, I guess he went over there and gave him like a tire compressor and was like, I see you outside all the time working on your car. So here's this like $500 compressor. And the kid was like, man, thank you. I don't even know who you are really. And then went back to his mom was like, you know, this guy across the street gave us his compressor, but he smelled like gas. And so.

14:12Then he went back over the street. The mom came out to go thank him, and that's when she saw the boxes and all the stuff in the house, like they're getting ready to move. And she asked him, she's like, are you guys moving? And he was like, no, we're getting evicted. This is last weekend before we have to move out. And then she's like, well, what are you guys going to do? And he's like, I don't know, and then closed the garage door. And then that's when the first gunfire was shot, I guess. Did she hear it? The kid that lives next door to you, his mom heard it. That's what. I was told, yes. And then so they heard that gunfire, and then that's when he went over to his next-door neighbor's house and said, I just killed my wife. I'm going to go back over and kill myself and set the house on fire just letting you guys know. And that house thought it was like some sick joke or whatever, but a minute later, no joking going on. Up in flames. Were any of the other houses in the neighborhood damaged at all? No, there was only some smoke damage, which... I mean, pretty lucky because if you've seen the pictures, and I have them on my camera, I'll bring them in next week, but it was a huge fire. People said they could see it from the Strand way out on the west side. So the pictures that you have, are they the aftermath or are they when it's actually going down? My dad was out there. There's a lot of hills around where we live, so he went up to different places and went up in the bedrooms and took different angles when the fire was going on. There's one picture that's really creepy because he zoomed in. You can see the inside of the house.

15:37Yeah. That's wild. I know. It was a large fire. So the fact that no other houses got touched by it or the hills. Amazing. Because there's always, there's a huge fire, you know, remember in 2003 and then like even 06 or 07, there was a huge fire in San Diego. All that stuff around Santee is always in like major concern for that. So if it touched the hill, I mean, it could have been huge. The sad part to me so much in it is that the guy, Clearly, his hope was in a job or his wife or the economy or whatever. And that's so sad to me. Anytime somebody's that desperate. That desperate. Desperation kills me. It says that the Wells Fargo Bank foreclosed on their home in early December. And also in this note to his sister, he said, I wasn't going to play the bank's game. Yeah. That's what me and my friends are saying. In a weird kind of off way, it's kind of intriguing is the word I would use. Just the fact that maybe he just did it on his own terms. I guess that's the way I like to look at it because it makes me feel better, I guess, a little bit. But that's what he wanted to do. The thing that's so sad about it, though, is that it's almost like he puts a face behind the bank.

16:58You know what I mean? Like the bank is a person named Shirley. Right. And I'm not going to let Shirley get away with this. It's not like the bank was like, you know, you got me there, didn't you? I mean, it's just all a number. They're a number. Yeah. It's, you know, they're going to put a stamp on it and, you know, talk about a waste of life for absolutely no reason. I mean, it's just terrible. Yeah. Just playing like maybe the devil's advocate also would just be make. You know, he was six years old. She was 70 and she was terminally ill. And I know for my parents, it was the house that they've worked their whole life to get. And it's a pretty nice neighborhood. And so maybe he just kind of figured, you know what, I'm going to just do it my way. Do it my way. Yeah. Yeah. But I wonder if she how she. Right. That's why. You know what? You know, I think that's a big question on everybody's mind. Was this a pact they made together or was this a murder-suicide? I still don't think it's a pact they made together. He didn't seem to allude to it, right? Right, and he could still send a letter to her sister and say, by the time you read this, we'll be gone. I mean, he had it in his mind that's what he was going to do. A terminally ill woman with cancer, though, I mean, there's a good chance. Yeah, if you don't have money and you don't have enough to...

18:10for medicine. It breaks my heart, man. It does. It breaks my heart. That desperation, you have to be at the lowest of the low to do it, you know? And another weird thing is that's the third really strange incident that's happened on the house. It's, you know, it's a nice neighborhood, but a year ago there was a suicide down the street, and then about like five years ago there was a, you know, a lady was... I don't know if she was murdered, but there was a death down the street. It's weird. Get the hell out of that neighborhood. Just get out. You can still smell the smoke. It's an awful, awful remnant smell. I bet. It's such an image to go along with where our economy is right now and just that desperation that people are feeling. I wonder who will rebuild that. You know, whose responsibility is that to rebuild? Does the bank go, well, we owned it. Yeah. They own the land. I'm sure they had insurance on it. Oh, yeah. I'm sure. Yeah. So they'll rebuild a house there, the bank will? Eventually. That's always been, it's always fascinated me, and maybe you too. I don't know. There was a murder in a neighborhood I grew up in, down a couple streets over, but in our neighborhood.

19:22And somebody bought the house and moved their family in. Same with our neighborhood. It's always skeeved me out to buy a house and go, what happened in here? I want to know. Well, they have to tell you. They do? Yeah. When they sell you the house, they have to make that public. Would you buy a house that somebody even murdered in? Maybe now. You would? Maybe now I would. I don't think I could. I think it depends. I think it depends on... What this place is like. See, I don't like old houses. Right. I don't like old houses. And so maybe from that perspective, no. How about the one in Rancho Santa Fe where all those people killed themselves? The comet chasers? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The purple shroud. I think they tore that house down. Yeah. Hail bop. Hail bop. That's what they were waiting for. It always intrigued me. the Sharon Tate house on Cielo Drive, where all the brutal murders. You just made my mind up. I did? Yeah, you just made my mind up. I couldn't do it. There's no way. Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails bought that house, and they recorded a record there, and they said that the creepiest stuff went on there. I'm like, of course it did. Get out of there. You don't buy that house and go in there and record a record. I wouldn't be afraid of the creepy stuff.

20:46happening, that part, no. What I would be, what I wouldn't want is just knowing what tragic things happen there. I kind of relate to that because one of the houses I had when I was up at school with a lady that bought it, you could tell she really wanted to get somebody to get the house, so we kind of jumped in on it. And we always kind of wondered why they kind of just like, we met her and then bam, we're already on the list. Here, take it. Yeah. And I guess we found out later is because her youngest son committed, not in the house, but he committed suicide. So it was just this awkward. And then once I found out about that, it just had a weird. It's a vibe. It's a weird vibe. It's a weird vibe. Yeah. Even though it didn't happen in there, it's just, I could never do that. It was his house. That's wild, man. Let's see. Lindsay Lohan is out of rehab now, right? No, we don't know that. No one knows if she's in or out. Oh, I thought it was yesterday. No, they were saying that she was able to leave if she wants to. Her time that she needed to serve in rehab is up. But no one is certain if she left or not. And now she may be in some more trouble. Really? Do we want to talk about that right now? Yeah.

21:45Well, they say that authorities are saying she violated several aspects of probation. Apparently, she got into a fight. They say a tussle with a then staff member. This staff member is a female that works at the Betty Ford Center. Her name is Dawn Holland and she has been fired. They say that Lindsay faces some battery charges, even though the staff member Dawn says that she's not. cooperating in this. She doesn't want to file any charges. But they said that there's some kind of fight went down between them. They're trying to find out what else happened. But if it did, then, you know, Lindsay is violating some parts of her probation. Right. Can't fight on probation. Can't be getting in fights, especially not while you're in rehab. Lover's quarrel. She probably thought that because she was in rehab, meh. I'm being serious. She probably thought because she was in rehab, well, you know, this is like... My own little place and like, I may get in trouble from this place, but I'm not going to get in trouble for the, with the law. Right. You know, um, probation, man, they don't, when you're on, take it from the kid. When you're on probation, they don't mess around. Yeah. Period. Uh, I think it could be a tough place for somebody like Lindsay. Oh yeah. I was at Betty Ford and they have rules that they're not negotiable. You know, there's all their rules. They don't negotiate on the rules.

23:04Yeah, these are the rules. You don't stick to them, you leave. Yeah, you leave. And no special treatment for somebody like Lindsay Lohan there? Hell no. Really? No. I would think it'd be worse. The reason that people went to Betty Ford, A, is because it became, you know, kind of the in thing. Yeah. But it's extraordinary treatment. There's no doubt about it. It's incredible treatment. It's got a high success rate. Absolutely. And so it's extraordinary treatment, but it's also... But it's also pretty exclusive in terms of privacy. And it ain't promises in Malibu where they're bringing you lobster dinners and you're kicking your feet up on the beach. It's really like a vacation. She's done that. Is it super expensive? Well, when I did it, the insurance paid. The company's insurance or your personal insurance? The company's insurance. The company that we worked for. They paid for a big part of it.

24:02And I was responsible for a small amount. It wasn't that much, but it's not like that anymore because I've inquired for other people since then. It's not like that anymore. But what I can tell you is that it's like when you go to dinner, it's like cafeteria style and it's a regimen. And you're responsible for chores when you're there. All of them. Everybody. Sure. They didn't discriminate. It wasn't like, oh, you're a star. Because I was in there with some people that were famous, and they didn't get any breaks. Nobody got breaks. That's good. You all had to do your thing. That's good. And everything was mandatory. It wasn't like something was suggested. You had to do everything. If you didn't, you got to leave. You had a schedule, and you had to go keep your schedule. She would have left. But she knew, I'm sure, if I leave, I'm screwed. Going to jail. Going to jail. Yeah. Maybe a state of emergency in San Diego. We'll tell you why. What famous news guy said that he was groped at airport security? Now, he says it happened at a SoCal airport. We'll tell you about who it is next. Back in black. Hello, man. Welcome back to the show. On the program today, later on.

25:59We're going to be talking to Damone. Damone from the movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Yes. That's the idea, man. That's the attitude. The attitude? Yeah. The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean, whatever happens, your toes are still tapping. When you got that, then you have the attitude. The greatest. Woods just mouthed every word. The greatest. Love him. There you go. Robert Romanis is his real name, but we like to call him Damone around here. Yeah. Hope he doesn't mind. Hey, Damone. So you want my name? The Incorporator's coming up at 7.30, and Woodsy will be calling a 7-Eleven. And you will have to incorporate words into the conversation that are picked by M1s, M1 Nation. First one of the year. Let's do it right. Word of the Day's Grapefruit. Be listening for me to work that into a sentence to win...

26:59Four packet tickets to San Diego Safari Park, which I'm not used to calling it. No, it's going to take a while. Used to be the Wild Animal Park. That's right. It's like saying the San Diego Fair. It's like saying, it was like saying Qualcomm for years. Yes, forever. The Murph forever, man. Oh, and you'll qualify for a two-night stay at Laughlin, Nevada with a $50 gift card. That's Laughlin, Nevada. It's like you own the place. Nailed it again, my friend. You got it. Professional right there, ladies and gentlemen. Intonation is perfect. M1 Girl Issues from Santee. Hi. Hey, what's up? First time, short time. Sweet. What's up? First time caller, short time listener. Real quick question. Okay, so I'm having girl issues, okay? My girlfriend just went out. I say it's a date, but she really doesn't say it's a date. It was old coach.

28:02slash teacher 16 years ago in high school. She's now 30, and I'm 34, and so she went out on a date with him. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How old is he? How old's Creeper? Probably like 40-something, 45. Wait, wait, wait. So you're telling me that he coached your girlfriend when he was 10 years old? Is it your girlfriend or your wife? No, but if she was 17, he could be 27. I know, but he just said that she's 30 and that he's 40. Right. So that means that he was 10 years old. No, no, no, no, no. Not if she was in high school. You could be 20 and be teaching kids in high school. I know, but now he's 40. Exactly. And on top of that, you know what it is? No, no, no, not exactly. Hang on a second. We got to get to the bottom of this. You're not seeing it right. Yeah, you're not. Okay, if he's 10 years older, say he's 40 and she's 30, she was 15 in high school, he would have been 25 coaching her. Oh, I got you. He didn't start coaching her at birth. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. She was six, Mikey, when he was a girl. Six years old. Okay, so wait, wait, wait, wait. Again, this is your girlfriend? Well, I wouldn't even say my girlfriend because we've been dating for about six years and we have a four-year-old kid. So it's more than that. And you know what it is? It's Facebook.

29:25Yeah, she met him on Facebook. She met up with him again on Facebook. He met up with her on Facebook. Got it. Why are you not married? Oh. I mean, this was probably just the tip of the iceberg, but, I mean, there's so many other things, you know. Have you wanted to marry her? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did go through that, but, yeah, it's so much more. I understand. So you've wanted to marry her. She has not wanted to marry you. Exactly, yeah. Yeah, okay. And now the old coach has found her on Facebook, and she went and had, what, dinner? Yeah, just dinner. That's not that creepy. Did he find her or did she find him? He found her. I'm friends with my old track coach. You guys go to dinner? Yeah, you've been dating the guy for six years and haven't married him?

30:24And is he married, or is he going through a divorce like he is right now? Oh, the coach going through a divorce, reaches out. Well, I mean, the biggest thing here, dude, is that you've been with this woman for six years. You've got a kid with her, and she doesn't want to marry you. I've been there. Well, I haven't been there specifically, but I've been with women that don't want to commit to me. When a girl doesn't want to commit to a guy, she's not interested. She's waiting for the next best thing to come along. Yeah, but you've got a four-year-old. son together. I know you do. But that doesn't mean... That means that you didn't wear a condom. It is what it means. It means you didn't wear a condom, you had sex, and she got pregnant. Is that untrue? That is a true fact. Well, exactly. That's true. Yeah, because if she had a vote, if you had put it to a vote and you said, hey, sweetheart, would you like to have a kid together? She probably voted no. Yes. But it turns out they have a kid together. Okay, so the line is it's... That's weird, right? Yes. You know what's more weird than the Facebook friend? The fact that you guys have a kid together, you've been together for six years, and she's not interested in marrying you. That's weirder than the Facebook coach. He's, you know, trying to make it work. I mean, they have a kid, so I think he's just trying and he's hoping that she'll come around. So, you know, I feel bad. Six years. Yeah, but, you know, he's trying. And that's a good thing that he's trying to do that for his kid. Yeah, it's nice.

31:53It's a very nice thought. You love her, and you're in love with her, and you'd probably like to marry her. She's not. Well, he said this is the tip of the iceberg. She says every day that she loves me. Have you done some things as well? I've never done one thing. It's all her. You used to be imperfect? Oh, stop. Well, I wouldn't say I'm perfect. But you haven't done anything over the line. Well, let me ask you a question. Is she really pretty? Hello? Oh, she's not? She's not. She's beautiful to me. She's beautiful to you. Oh, geez. That's awkward. That's awkward. Have you had... She's a great personality. Have you had a sit-down talk with her within the last couple years saying, look, I'm in love with you. I want to be with you. I mean, is this something... Will you marry me eventually? Is it just not me? I need you to be honest with me.

32:54Which time is my guess? How many times? But as a guy, doesn't that sound kind of lame? Yeah, but how long are you going to wait around, you know? Like, you need to know where her head is. She's dating her old coach. That's where her head is. No, you don't know that. You don't know that. She went on a date with her old coach. That's a date. No, I've gone to dinners and stuff like that before. And nothing happened. It's not a date. But they're not married. But they've got a kid. You know why they're not married? Because she doesn't want to marry him. And she's dating other men. Yeah. And stringing him along. And stringing him along. She's an emotional vampire. Yes. She's sucking the blood. But he's doing the right thing because he's trying to stay close to his kid and he's trying to work it out. Yes. The issue though. You guys. Wait. Wait. I'm sorry. I can't let that go. I can't. What? Say it again. So we reset that. I said he's doing the right thing because he's trying to stay close to his kid and trying to work things out. That isn't doing the right thing, in my opinion. Doing the right thing is providing for your kid. It's your kid. But trying to work things out, that implies that there's something that you're going to work out. Like if you and I are dating LOB and we have problems and I say, well, let's work this out. And you go, yeah, let's work this out. It isn't that. She's not in love with him.

34:13He wants to marry her. That's not true. You don't know that. That's a leap. Some people, you know. No, some people show their love in different ways. Yeah. But if she goes out by dating their coaches. Yeah, if you go out with your coach. No, that's not true. I had, I, no. No. Did you tell her you didn't want her to go out with the coach? Uh, no. Well, goofball. He seems a little bit passive. Yeah, you're a little passive. The thing is, you know. I don't want to be all insecure and start saying, no, you can't do this, you can't do that. You know what I'm saying? I just have to trust her. But at the same time, Mikey, you're saying that the best thing is if she's not in love, then the best thing for me and the family is to separate. But to me, the best thing for my son is to have a mom in the family. Yeah, he's going to regardless. He's going to have a mom regardless of anything. You know, the deal is that if you could somehow wave a magic wand and make her want to marry you, that'd be great. She doesn't. But she, like, I'm thinking from her point of view, and he says that she says I love you to him every single day. You know why? I would not say I love you to someone I didn't love. Why, Mikey? Why, Mikey? I'll tell you why. Because that enables her to be an emotional vampire.

35:38If she didn't say that to you, by the way, I have experience with I've been there. I've been in the relationship with the woman that doesn't feel the same way about me that I feel about her. Now, I'm just explaining from my point of view. OK, there may be other reasons, which, by the way, I'm willing to hear. There may be other reasons that a woman has been with a guy that hasn't screwed around on her for six years and she's not marrying him. There could be other reasons for that. For instance, what does she tell you? What do you mean? Why she doesn't want to marry you. Yeah, what does she tell you? Why she doesn't want to marry you? I think she's just... No, what does she tell you? Nothing really. Have you proposed? No. So what are you talking about, man? You have to try. I thought he said he did. No, he's talked to her. If she's not going to marry you, you don't know that until you throw out that question and you hand her a ring. Next time she comes back from a date with her coach, maybe you pop the question, man. But he's also saying he doesn't necessarily trust her. What are you trying to say? No, this is what it is. I know Mikey and the guys will understand is the guy in the relationship.

37:03doesn't ask about marriage and talk about marriage all the time. You know, I feel that it should, not should, but usually it's the girl that talks about marriage. Hey, can I ask you a question, buddy? What? Why have you not asked her to marry you? Because she never talks about it. That's what I feel. You've never asked her to marry you because she doesn't talk about it. All right, so this is how it is. No, I don't even want to say it on there. Why? Why? Why do you not want to say it on there? I mean, because I'm family oriented. She is not family oriented because she grew up, you know, in a dysfunctional family. I grew up in a really tight family, you know. M1 girl issues. I'm going to ask you one more time. Why have you not asked her to marry you? As a guy. Thanks. What?

38:16As a guy, I don't think that she's marriage material really right now. Why? Is she a drug user? No. I think what it is is she is a guy attention user. Right. Right. I know why. Which is what I was getting to from the very beginning. That's what I was saying. She's using you. No, I don't think so. You know why she's going on a date with someone else? I think is to get your attention. Be like, look, I've been with you six years. We have a kid. You're not going to propose. You're not going to do anything. So I'm going to, you know, she's going to flaunt it so that you do something. No, it sounds like she flaunts it enough. He said she's a guy attention. I think he needs to do something. All right, this is the thing. The coach, I guarantee you, because the coach didn't just coach her. The coach coached a whole team. And I guarantee you,

39:18So the coach probably asked all the girls and all the girls right now are, you know, have a kid and they're married and, you know, they're all secure. But why did nobody else? Why did everybody else say no? But how do you know everybody else said no? And how do you know he's asking everybody else? Hey, dude, dude, I'm going to be I'm just part of my deal on the air is just sharing my thoughts. I just give my thoughts out. OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something about you I can't quite figure out. M1 Gonzo from Oceanside's on the air. You there, Gonzo? Hey, Happy New Year, first of all, to you guys. Thank you. Gonzo, go ahead. So, like I said, there's two sides to the story. Like, you know, slowly but surely, you know, he's starting to leak out some more information, man. But I would say, hey, call the girlfriend, put her on the line.

40:20Have both sides and see what's going on. But honestly, I think he's dropping the ball, man. Thank you, Gonzo. M1 girl issues. Do you think that your girlfriend would be willing to come on the phone? No. Look, look, look. This is the number one thing why I never did. Because when we first, when she told me she was pregnant, she was still involved with her ex. Okay. Yes. Yes. So she, after she made me tell my family, you know, then she said, I don't even know if it's yours right now. Wow. Okay. Well, see, this is good information. And it was information that was left out. The reason that you don't feel that she's marrying material is you don't trust her. I mean, after all, she got pregnant with your kid while she was with someone.

41:27Hello? Yes, I'm right here. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm sorry, I'm just trying to... I mean, there you go. The thing is, maybe I'm just a stubborn person, you know, and I just need to move on, right? Hey, dude, I'm telling you, look at the facts. That's all I do. Every time I'm trying to figure one of these things out, these are my favorite things to do on the air. I love talking to people about relationships. I love it. Every time they do, it's like all you do is you just lay all the cards out and then you look at the cards. You go, what do we got? Usually when you get into a relationship that is not starting off well, it's not really going to end well either. She sounds like a stand-up girl. We don't know her. I don't want to judge at all. No, I don't judge her. But look at this. Bottom line is, what's better? I don't care about me. I care about my son. You've got a responsibility to your kid, and you take care of your kid. Your kid should see you happy and in love. Yeah, in a healthy relationship. In a healthy relationship. You're not married. It's different if you're married and getting a divorce, but you're not married and you can't trust the woman you're with. I think you need to have a serious sit down with her and see where her head is and then just decide for yourself what's best for you. I'm going to say this. I have a feeling there is some...

42:49monster things he's not telling us. Exactly. Big, giant thing. About her? There's a communication breakdown between the two of them and between him and us right now. I wouldn't be shocked if he said, if he goes, hey, listen, I didn't say this, but she's still married. Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised at all. No, no, no, no. Okay, well, something. As far as you know. Something. Do you guys live together? There is another monster thing. What is it? Oh, my. What is it? Well, I've got to brace myself. What is it? No, no. The thing is, is basically how I look at it is what is better for my son? Me to work it out with her or him? What's the monster thing, dude? What's the monster thing you're not telling us? Nah. No, come on. You can tell us. That's the trust tree. Okay, well, you know, that person. like that she was still going out with, you know, he was in the military, right? Uh-huh. She, two years into it, said that she was going somewhere. Then I found out that she wasn't going to go see him. Yeah, so she's got a history of cheating. Yeah. And lying. And there's nothing that's really changed. I mean, listen, if something changes and you go, oh, well, you know, there's been, nothing's changed. She's not at all trustworthy.

44:19Can I tell you what I think? I'm trying to think about your son right now, and I'm seeing your son only seeing a dysfunctional relationship. You can't change the person she is. She's going to do what she wants to do regardless, it sounds like. Okay, this is the thing. When she told me that first thing about, I don't know if it's yours, and then we found out it was mine, right there I stopped caring, and I didn't have any love for her at all. And then when she did it that second time that I just said, it was like actually like the whole time I was with her, I felt like I was bearing this cross and I was carrying it the whole time I was with her. When she did it that second time, it was like it released off of me and I was so happy. I was like, oh, you know. Finally, I know what a maggot she is and so now I can totally let go of my emotions. But you didn't because you're calling us. You're upset that she's hanging out with Facebook, Coach. No, no, no, no, no. Mikey, this is what it was. And then after I felt like I'm cool like that, and then it was about another year and a half where I was fine and dandy with just me and my son. And then now just recently, we start, you know. Rekindling?

45:42And I think she's not trustworthy still. No, she's not. She's changed. She's the same person. She's the same person. Nothing's happened. Nothing's changed. You gave it a shot. No fruit on the tree, my man. Exactly. Find someone who you can trust and your son will see a happy relationship. That's what your son needs to see. If it's not with her... then it needs to be with someone so he can see it. And I don't think we even need to figure out the Facebook coach thing. That makes sense. In context, knowing everything we know now, it all makes sense. Let him have her. Makes sense to you, too. You get it. You know. The underlying thing is Facebook is where she connects with everybody. Hey, what did Sienna say? There was a statistic that you read about divorces in America. Yeah, it was... It was crazy. It was something like... I thought it was more. I think it was one in five. One in five. One in five divorces in America are caused by Facebook. Or MySpace or any social network. Right. But the deal is, is that you have to realize it isn't the gun that kills people. Right. It's the person. Right. It isn't Facebook that causes a divorce. It's a crooked heart.

46:53It's a crooked person. It's a, you know, it's a messed up person. Well, I remember like several weeks ago you had that one girl or that one, or there was this question where this girl was on Facebook and she hasn't seen her ex-boyfriend in so long. And she, all of a sudden this ex-boyfriend starts Facebooking her and she's married. Yeah. And she, she just wanted to have sex with the guy. I was just like, I don't understand that. Yeah, well, I mean, listen, it happens. There are people that are bad people, and they'll do bad things. It just creates more accessibility, but if it's in their heart, they'll find a way. Sure. Thank you. It's a new year, man. Hey, listen, bro, I wish you the best, and cut bait, I think, is the best deal. Good luck. All right, guys. Thank you. Oh, my God. So, this is interesting.

48:10We talked yesterday about how Hugh Hefner just married a girl that Sienna actually went to high school with. Crystal Harris. Crystal Harris. Let's chill out. Well, we were wondering, like, do they consummate that? I mean, this guy is 80-some years old. She's 24. 84, 24. 60-year difference. Oh, wow. And so, anyway, they point-blank asked them. Oh, okay. And... I don't know, man. The answer is a little confusing, the answer they gave. We'll play it for you next. You know what's funny? Two one-year-olds running around with little towels on their head naked, getting out of the shower. That's funny. Oh, they're the cutest when they get out of the bath. That is a funny thing. Like father, like son. That's right. That is 100% correct. Welcome back to Mikey's Show, and our phone over here is 570-1949. Sienna, what's going on in news? Have you guys noticed all the extra potholes in the street because of the rain? Yeah. They're everywhere. As I'm sure you can imagine, all the rain we've been having has been causing some serious damages. Trees falling, the wind. I mean, the whole work.

50:04These storms have estimated to cost the city of San Diego between $3 to $6 million. Yeah, the city council is holding a special meeting today to seek a state of emergency. Yes, we'll see what happens. And we all know those little puppies, the adorable lab mix puppies that had their ears cut off by monsters. Well, they now have homes. They were adopted by families, and one is going to a family in El Cajon, and one is going to a family in Oceanside, and they are doing well. I'm so excited about that. That's nice. I am too. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Man, what's not going on in sports? There's so much stuff to talk about. But yesterday, as expected, we talked about it. It was Black Monday, a little bit. And the Browns have fired Eric Mangini. And basically, the guy was not getting the job done, man. Here's Coach Holmgren on the two new candidates that everyone's thinking. Because Holmgren's the GM there? He's the GM. And they've asked him, are you going to be the coach? They want John Fox or John Gruden. And here's what he said about him. It seems as though there are going to be a number of changes in the league. So I would suspect that those two guys would be candidates on a lot of people's lists. Yeah, John Gruden would be... I don't know really who'd be a good fit in Cleveland, but he's done well with getting something from not very much. He's a good coach. Well, unless Gruden is just completely full of it, which he could be.

51:30He says he loves that ESPN job. Why wouldn't he? I mean, it's cake for him, man. It's no pressure. Yeah. Probably really good money. Less stress being a coach. Absolutely. Absolutely. And then yesterday, another story came out about Brett Favre that two massage therapists that work for the Jets have gone ahead and filed lawsuits against the Jets and Brett Favre. He allegedly sent some sexually suggestive text messages, which we know is in his M.O. One of them said, kind of lonely tonight. I guess I have bad intentions. Sounds a lot like J's. And then there's another one that he sent that said, Brett here, you and Chrissy want to get together? I'm all alone. Why do people have these texts saved from so long ago? Well, for money. It's so sad. I always thought he was a good one. Everybody did. Everybody did. Why? We'll see. What if they're making it up? They could be. If they've got the text, they can't be making it up. Right. If they've got the evidence, he's toast. But what's really going to happen to him now? He's out of the league. He's been fined for the Jen Sturger incident. Well, he has a family. That could happen.

52:46been out in public and made appearances. You think everything's okay, but you never know. That can't help. New allegations aren't going to help. You think that guy's just miserable right now. You know who's not miserable for sending sex pictures? The guy that doesn't sell dong. That's what it's called. Sell dong dong. That's a clinical term. We want to keep it clinical. Clinical term. It's the PC term. Yeah, M1 Eric Terman came up with that bit, and I thought it was the greatest thing ever. Oh, really? I thought it was like the media. No, he told it to me. Sell donging. I loved it. So, this is Hugh Hefner. He is engaged to a 24-year-old. He's 64. 84. 84, sorry. They're 60 years between them. Todd. And how many years between you and Todd, Sienna? 13. Good Lord. Yeah, he'll be 39 this month. Oh, wow. Oh, big time. That a boy. That a boy. I'm kidding. So they asked Hugh, because we were wondering yesterday when we were talking about it, we were like, it's disgusting. Will they? Won't they? It's disgusting for her. It's badass for him. I have to come sit on my lap and we'll just call it a day. So this was Entertainment Tonight. Listen to this.

54:08You're 84. She's 24. What? I know. It's strange watching it on the TV. People that don't even know us, like commenting about us. It's so strange. Are you still sexually active? I'm doing my best. Dance as fast as I can. I'm doing my best to answer as fast as I can. Dancing as fast as I can. Is that what he said? Yeah. And dancing as fast as I can. Dancing as fast as I can. That doesn't, like, that could. It could be no. Yeah, it could be I'm 84 and my parts don't work. Are you kidding me? On a good day, yes. Giddy up. Yeah, but you're not 84. You don't know, Jay. It's close. If you're 84 and you've got a 24-year-old. Jay, sometimes even though your mind's still perverted, as you know, stuff stops working. But here's the deal with Hef, and this is, I mean, think about it.

55:06You think that girl's anything that he hasn't seen a thousand million times over? I can't imagine getting tired of it. He's like, great. Another 24-year-old blonde with big fake boobs that's hot as all get out, you know? He has just aged and all the girls that he's been with have not. He gets older, they stay the same age. Exactly right. It's brilliant. It's creepy to me. Okay, got an email. You guys tell me what you think. Hi, Mikey Show. I think this is a ask the guys question or maybe a woods of wisdom. Definitely a help me with my hubby question. My husband is getting to that point with his hair. The point with where the horseshoe is getting bigger and bigger on his head. I think he would look so much younger and cuter if he shaved his head, Mikey. Mike, is this why you shaved your head? Duh. Exactly. Did your wife suggest it? No. I'm wondering how I can subtly suggest it without hurting his feelings. Any good pointers? Thanks, M1. Hogwarts. Ratings. If he's the type that is going to have his feelings hurt by it, there's no way that you can do it. No. But if he's not easily offended, then you go, that horseshoe's getting bigger and bigger.

56:28I think if he is the type that gets easily offended, she starts dropping hints like, wow, Bruce Willis is hot. Have you seen Mikey from the radio? That guy's a stallion. You should do your hair like his. Don't even say that. Just start being obsessed with Bruce Willis. I would think it was passive aggressive. But if he's sensitive, it's like a little white lie. It's like you spare his feelings. How about you just tell him, man, I think he'd look great if you shaved your head. No, why not? Why not just that? That's nice. That's not rude. Maybe she could say, like, do you think it's hot the way women think it's hot when guys shave and bald head? What would you guys think if your wife said that to you? I mean, Mike, you are already bald, but like Jay and Woods. My wife talks, we talk about it. My hair's obviously receding quite substantially. And we talk about it all the time. I'm like, God, my hair gets thinner and thinner. And she's like, I don't think so. I think you look fine. I think it's fine, but you would look weird with a shave. I would, too. I would, too. I look like a lunatic. And Jay talks about it. I don't really.

57:32think it either. It's fine. It's not where each year I kind of see a little bit more going. Well, that's going to happen. But you have a fuller head of hair than some guys half your age. I think men are vain and we want our women to think that we're attractive. And if I was doing something that my wife was like, that's unattractive, that would make me sad. If I had my mustache all the time, that's... repugnant. You know, she's like, I freaking, my wife is, you know, we have that relationship. She can be like, I hate your mustache. Shave your mustache. You know, we're have that deal. But if he's like, you know, if he's kind of a Sally about stuff. Like me. You're not a Sally. Dude, I don't like, I wouldn't want Rebecca to go, that's ugly. Shave it off. No, you don't say it's ugly, but you can say, hey, Rebecca would go, babe. Would you not have those sideburns, please? No. I would be like, she would. She would. She would. She would. She with a mustache and a goatee. But she's told. Yeah, she told you. She told you that you didn't like. It's because I asked. She didn't like when you shaved your goatee? I asked. Oh. She does not tell me stuff unless I ask. And I don't do it. I don't either. I don't just say. Don't you want to tell her? Or she. Wow. Uh-uh.

58:42See, I don't know if I would welcome, like, I would want to know. I would be sad, but glad. Maybe you lose five pounds and look like you did last summer. Dude, that is playing with fire. Yeah. That's playing with fire. You never talk to a woman about her weight. She could be 300 pounds. You're like, ah, you look great. I got it. But you could tell me, like, oh, that shirt doesn't look that good on you. Yeah. Like, I don't care about that. Oh, Sienna will do it all the time to me. She's like, that hat's repugnant. Well, I mean, like, a guy to a girl. That's not the person. I have that kind of relationship with Sienna. Yes. I don't have that kind of relationship. with my wife. Right. It's a different dynamic. It is a different dynamic. CNN and I have established that. You're not a Sally about it. If you came in like, babe, what do you think of this shirt? Your wife, I see Rebecca going. Oh, yeah. That's the deal, though. It's because I asked. You have to ask. Soliciting is different than just, hey, I'm sitting here watching TV and all of a sudden you walk in, hey, maybe you shave that head, baldy. Wouldn't like it. Wow. But you guys have that dynamic. That is a little harsh. But if she's like, babe, why don't you shave your head? Because it's really. starting to look ridiculous. I'd be like... I don't think you'd respond well. That's the way that you guys... That's your dynamic. That's their dynamic. I would be able to say it to Todd easily. You know if you have that dynamic. The fact that she's even emailing, she has to be careful. You know? But the comb over, like the horseshoe, dude, I mean, you gotta know. You just gotta know. Some people don't know, man. Dude, I've seen some good dudes where I think to myself...

1:00:10How come you don't know? How come you don't know? Any person that has a comb over thinks they're fooling anyone. Yeah. Now, the horseshoe really doesn't bother. I don't think the horseshoe is as bad. If there's a comb over going on, you're toast. You don't think the horseshoe is bad? It's not that bad. It's not that bad. You're kind of rocking it. It depends. It's cool. It's the guy. Why is it not bad? Because there's a lot of guys that pulled it off. Some guys pull it off. Who? Terry Bradshaw, Tom Landry. My grandfather had the horseshoe forever. I thought it was cool. At a certain age. At a certain age. You know what I mean? At a certain age. Yes, yes, yes. If you're 35 and you've got the horseshoe, shave your friggin' head. Well, because it makes you look older than you are. Try ovation. Like George Costanza? It works. Kind of pulled the horseshoe off. Did he? Yeah, I thought he kind of did. Oh, totally. He totally did. He would look weird bald. Yeah, straight bald. No, he wouldn't. Yes, he would. You have to accompany it with a goatee. You guys are just used to seeing him this way. I'm telling you. If he did, shave your head and grow a goatee. Dude, I was real lucky, man, that my...

1:01:12bald head is just shaped in a way that it's okay. But you know what helps your bald head too, Mike? Is the fact that you have tattoos. Really? I don't know why. It totally helps. The hairless head with no facial hair or anything gets a little weird enough. It's an orb. You know what the problem is? Besides Vin Diesel, there's not a lot of hot bald dudes. Bruce Willis. He's not bald, though. He's a shaved head. Yeah, he's a shaved head. Jason Statham. Telly Savalas. What about The Rock? Doesn't he shave his head or no? Doesn't he? No. He has a little short, super short. Yeah, The Rock doesn't shave it. 570-1949. I forgot about Vin Diesel. Doesn't Daughtry have a shaved head? Yeah, he's so hot. Yeah. Girls like him. Oh, my gosh. I just Googled hot bald guys. And a picture of Jude Law came up. There you go. He's not bald. I know. He's bald-ing. He's bald-ing. He rocked the horseshoe in a movie, Road to Perdition. He had the horseshoe. Creepiest thing you've ever seen. He's not a horseshoe guy. He's a shaved head guy. Yeah. You know who? John Malkovich. Sharp. Love him. Shave it. Shave it.

1:02:25Love him. He's a weird dude. Oh, gosh. Megan Fox with a shaved head? No. It's just pulled back, isn't it? Maybe I'd be in on that. Oh, wow. It's shaved. Oh. That's weird. Is it Photoshop? I don't know. She looks hot, though. I mean, she could be wearing, you know, anything. Demi Moore. Jude Law's on there. 570-1949 is our number. There's probably wives out there that have had to tell their husband or, you know, to shave their head. I want to hear from them. I think it's fascinating. Ooh. There's got to be an app because there's all these simulated bald heads. Sienna, give me the most popular pet names. Okay. All right. Settle in. Oh, my gosh. I just... All kinds of inappropriate things just popped up when I Googled top 10 bald guys. I was like, get me out of here. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's your work computer, by the way. I know. Please don't fire me. Rick R. Jackson is going to come in here looking for you. You heard me on the air. I was doing it for a while. Where are you? Pervert alert. Oh, my gosh. I'm shaking up a little bit. She is a creep.

1:03:35Okay. Just be red. Excuse me while I whip this out. I don't do things like that. Gross. Okay, most popular pet names. This is from the Veterinary Pet Insurance, and they've, you know, thousands and thousands of pet names. Pennyville. Bella. No, I'm going to start with dogs. There's dogs and cats. Bella, number one. Yep. There's lots of Bellas out there. Oh, what's the one that they always... Prince. The lab. No, not Prince. Buddy. Buddy. Buddy. Oh, so good. Number six is Buddy. Buddy. Bailey. Yes, that's the one. Max. Fido. Spot. Spot. Why doesn't anybody name their dog Fido anymore? I would. Genius. Fido. Fido. Dude, how great would that be? Fido. That's brilliant. How do you not? How do you not? This is Fido. This is Spot. I feel like giving dogs real people name has been like a real big player. That's a good bit. It's a great bit. Craig. Rich. Come here, Craig. This is my dog. Rich. Yeah. I took Zipper to the dog park and there was a dog named Sienna. The dog across the street is Jasper. Jasper. Jasper. Get over here. Jasper.

1:04:48Lucy's on the list. Molly, Maggie, Daisy, Charlie, and Sophie. None of mine are on there. That's weird. Yeah. Buddy, kind of. Buddy's kind of, yeah. Do you want to know cats? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Max, Bella, Chloe, Oliver, Lucy, Smokey, Shadow, Tiger, Tigger, and Charlie. Smokey's definitely a big player. Oh, yeah. Smokey! Oliver. I've known a few Oliver cats. I've known a few Tiggers because of the orange tabby cats. I'm really in on Fido. I really am. Get another dog. Maybe we'll get another one. Make it six. That's what we need. What about Ubu? Remember this? Sit, Ubu. Sit. Good dog. Don't remember that at all. I thought it was Boo-boo. It's Ubu. It's Ubu. Ubu? Yeah. Anyway. Some explorers just found some really spectacular caves. In Vietnam. Yes. I read about that in National Geographic. And there's... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Sienna, wait. I'm waiting. What? You what, L.O.B.? Oh, gosh. I picked it up in the airport.

1:05:59And I read out of everyone. Yeah, I know. Like the girls are in there. They're getting OK. OK. I got one of those, too. But I was like, I have to balance it out. I usually do that. I get one that's a bit and then one that's like the trash market economy. I mean, the other way around. The bit is like you got National Geographic. Yeah. Magazine. Brilliant. I'm going to subscribe to it. There's a coupon in it. It's really cheap. Of course it is. Of course. It's $6 for the cover price, but if you get the subscription, I've got like a, it's like a... $15 subscription. I'm all in. Of course. Our neighbor subscribes and puts them in our mailbox after they're done with them. That's pretty sweet. I wrap my fish in them. This cave is amazing. I've got pictures. I'll bring them in. It's amazing. They're saying it's perhaps the world's largest cave. It's so big it has its own river and its own jungle in this cave. Wow. I'm going to get one of those. There's even clouds in the cave. What? It's amazing. It's got its own river. It's called. Incredible. Hung Sun Dong Cave. Of course it is.

1:07:00They believe that some of the, during the Vietnam War, that some of the people were hiding. Yeah. The North Vietnamese people were hiding in there. Really? Mm-hmm. They would fight and then run down to the caves. Yeah. Nobody could find them. Well, there's bombs going off, so they're hanging out in the cave. Yeah, but this isn't man-made, is it? No. No, this, the pictures that they have, I mean, you saw black. I'm looking at a black and white one. Gorgeous. Got its own clouds. Oh, it's so pretty. Yeah. It's a whole other country. A cave with its own jungle. That's badass. We should get one of those. Hello. This is an interesting cave, you guys. Wow. What do you guys think of the cave? I think it's beautiful. Are there tigers in this jungle? I don't know. You think Charlie's still down here? I don't know, but we probably shouldn't call him Charlie. Why? That's what they call him in the movies. I know, but we're not in a movie. Kind of. Woods, please don't fart in here. It's okay. It's big enough. Oh. No, it isn't. Can you really not call him Charlie? Do not go in there. Who is Charlie? Sienna. What? Who's Charlie? Yes. Yeah, maybe we move on. Why? Tell me. Oh. Who's Charlie? I'm guaranteed there's a bunch of people in their cars thinking exactly what's Sienna. Yeah, why are you guys being mean? Really? We're not. Okay.

1:08:32Tell me. People understand. I'm sorry. It's because it's going to. No, no, no. Oh, is it gross? No. It's going to draw attention to Woodsy's. That's fine. Charlie is what they called the North Vietnamese when we were fighting them. Yeah. But it isn't what they would call themselves. Vietnamese people. Right. They're Vietnamese. Right. So if we were in a Vietnamese cave, we wouldn't necessarily say. Where's Charlie? I probably would. I was just thinking we're in a cave. Why would we be looking for someone named Charlie? Tarzan, maybe. I'm sure it went over. Thank you, and I'm sorry. No, it isn't. I love it. It just made my day. You're welcome for that. Where's Charlie? You always play the Charlie Don't Surf. Charlie bit me. Charlie bit me. And it hurt. Yeah, we play Charlie bit me. We don't play Charlie bit me. I don't play Charlie don't surf. Yes, you do. If I say it's safe to surf this beach, Captain, it's safe to surf this beach. I was thinking, I've never heard that. I know. And we don't play Charlie bit me. Now you've done it. I'll bring the clip in tomorrow. We'll play it. No, you ever play the same song twice?

1:09:53You ever just offend all Vietnamese listeners? All three of them? You ever just make it worse? Ever just dig deeper? Yes. My apologies. Obviously, no offense, man. I'll shut up now. None taken. I'll shut up now. This is a good song. Twice. What do we got? Oh, we got the Incorporator coming up next. Call us right now with words that you want Woods to incorporate when we call 7-Eleven. We're going to call us 7-Eleven. Charlie. What? It's a Mikey show.

1:12:25Coming up in a little bit, we're going to be talking to the guy that played Damone in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. That's the idea, right? That's the attitude. The attitude? Yeah, the attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean, whatever happens, your toes are still tapping. And when you got that, then you have the attitude. There's Damone from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Now, the actual actor that plays Damone... His name is Robert, what? Romanus. Robert Romanus. I just want to talk to him because we love that movie. I love that character, man. It's a great character. It makes the movie. You do a really good demo. Well, when we talk to him, I'm going to do it for him. See what he thinks. See what he thinks. So that's coming up in a little bit. Stick around. 570-1949 is our number. And, all right.

1:13:26Give me the bill. Woodsie has to bail. All right. Woodsie's got to go. He's out, brother. That's right. We're going to do the incorporator. The way that it works is we're going to be calling a 7-Eleven today. Calling a 7-Eleven and Woods has to incorporate words into the conversation. Okay, here we go. So what you do is you call us and you give us words. Woods has to incorporate these words into the conversation that he has with the guy from 7-Eleven. Now, Woods is not in the room. We make him leave the room, and we will tell you what the words are so that you know and you can play along. And when he comes back in and we call the 7-Eleven, you...

1:15:01The person will be able to hear woods, but they won't be able to hear me feeding him the lines, feeding him the words. So here's what we got. M1 Bronco says, use the words hemorrhoid cream. M1 Yankee suck. Wanted him to say go Red Sox, but that's not like something that you can work in. You know what I mean? Yeah. So we're changing it to soap. M1 Denmark. says toilet seat. M1 Donna says reflux. M1 Catbox says banana. M1 Cowbell says tooth fairy. M1 Phone Herd says marshmallow. And M1 Stilwell says buck teeth. Like it. Yeah. Like it. Solid list there. Come on in, Woodsy. Hey, good morning. Good morning. You gonna do Garrett's voice? Our program director? What do you mean Garrett's voice? This is Garrett. Garrett! I saw Woods in the hall. I kicked him in the shin. I told him I'm doing it. Okay? He's out there writhing in pain. I love it. All right. You want your first one? Yes. Hemorrhoid cream. Okay. Hemorrhoid cream is the first one. Woods always gets the first one. Who's Woods? Okay. They can hear Woods, not me. Good morning. Quick question for you. My name's Garrett. I just moved to town from Detroit.

1:17:01You guys are pretty close to my new house, and I was just kind of wondering. I've got to check on a few items before I waste my time to come down there. Do you guys have hemorrhoid cream? Like preparation age? We do. Okay, great. I'm going to have to come in and pick some of that up. Soap. And soap, I'm assuming you guys have soap. You're 7-friggin-11, right? Yeah, we absolutely have soap. Okay, black key. Okay. Listen, man, I got a question. The 7-Eleven in Detroit was kind of a, it was really kind of an asshole, to be honest with you. And, you know, there was always kind of nasty toilet seats there. I mean, you guys clean the bathrooms there? Yeah, absolutely. We clean our bathrooms for sure. Okay, Muse. What I want to do is I want to come down there. I've got, you know, like I said, it's not me that has the hemorrhoids, obviously. But I also, I have acid reflux. You have Tums and Rolates? Yeah, we have. Actually, you know what? We have both. You got both. Great. Muse. I'm going to come down there this afternoon. I've got to go to a premiere for White Apple Tree, and then I'm going to be down there later. You guys have bananas and fruit there, usually at the front. That's how they did it in Detroit and Philly. But you guys have a banana up there in the front for lunch? We have a couple of bananas here at the counter. Great. Well, listen, man. I guess you're 7-Eleven. You're open all the time, right? That's right.

1:18:33So we're open 24 hours. Great, man. It's like, you know, I told my kid once. I said, listen, pal, you put your tooth under the pillow, the tooth fairy will come. And, you know, you can count on that like 7-Eleven being open 24-7. Marshmallow. Hey, listen. Also, I did a little time up in Seattle with a guy named Tommy. We ate a lot of candy. They had this Reese's that had marshmallow in it. You ever hear of that? I'm not familiar. Okay. Well, listen, man. I'm going to come down there. I'm not going to waste any more of your time. I'm going to be in there a little bit later. I've got a bald head and I've got buck teeth, so you'll know it's Garrett. All right. All right, brother. I'll see you later. All right. Oh, my God. Bald head and buck teeth. I'm sure Garrett would love that. I'm sure he loves it. Bald head and buck teeth. Which he does not. Yeah. Yeah, which Garrett doesn't have buck teeth. Garrett does not. Had to work it in there. Match.

1:19:37Wow. I love doing the Garrett voice. It's the best. They have to do that every time. I love it. Oh, my gosh. Black Keys. Muse. Wow. Oh, my gosh. He's out of town, so I'm safe. I have to stifle that laugh while we're doing that. I can't look at one. She looks at him and he buries her head. Every time. It's tough. I don't want my cat. to come up on Woods' mic. Let's see. 570-1949 is our phone number. I have a kind of a montage from Jimmy Kimmel last night of Arnold Schwarzenegger's greatest moments as governor. Tonight we say a fond farewell to a man who provided us with more entertainment than any of us deserve, really.

1:20:32We are going to deliver a victory for California. California. California. California. California. I have lived in the fantasy world when I was doing Terminator. I did what the Terminator was supposed to do. Terminate. The frivolous lawsuit. Terminator keeps his promises. You are the true Terminators. I will be the collector later. Speaking of acting. One of my movies was called True Lies. Conan the Barbarian. Twins. Kindergarten Cop. Commando. 70% just never forgave me for my movie Hercules in New York. The other 25% just never forgave me for my movie Hercules in New York. And the other 20% just never forgave me for my movie Hercules in New York. And 30% just wanted to have their money back from my movie jingle all the way. Today I'm here to pump you up. I had a chance to pump them up. Got to pump up. I'm all pumped up. Pump up the Delta. It's the Central Valley. The abs of California. I always say that wherever there's smoke, there's fire.

1:21:29I've never grabbed anyone. So you deny all those stories about grabbing? None at all. The Californians always say, I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. I'll be back. And I said, I'll be back. And so we are here back again. And it's nice to be back here. For those that were gaming the system, I say, hasta la vista. Hasta la vista, baby, to the car dogs. Hasta la vista to prejudice. Hasta la vista to the day. Hasta la vista, baby. Hasta la vista, baby. Hasta la vista, baby. I changed my mind. I want to go back to acting. My goodness. How many times did he say all those stupid lines? Yeah, the speech writer couldn't come up with anything else. I have a question for you. You lived here when he was elected governor, right? I voted for him. Really? Yeah, he was a good candidate. Oh, great. Sounds like it. Well, dude. We're in great shape, too, here in California. Dude, when he took office, we were not in good shape. Man, well, how are we doing now? Yeah, well. Was this the last day yesterday? No, but I'm telling you, we were in debt when he came into office. We were in bad shape when he came into office. Man, you voted for him. Yeah, dude, he was the better candidate. He was? For sure. I voted for him as well. I mean, he had some good ideas. Some really good ideas.

1:22:59Woods' mind is blown away. Yeah, you'd have had to be here. It's a joke for the rest of the country. Oh, yeah. I mean, you know, I'm from Texas. Everybody was like, George Bush. And then you're like, there you go. Really, Arnie? Every time I go back to the East Coast, I get a, how's the governator? Oh, man. Of course. That's who we're known for. Wow. But it's pretty crazy when you think about it. Did he serve two terms or he picked up another term? Yep. He sure did. It's just proof out there, kids. Anything's possible. How do you say it, Pete Postlewaite? Postlewaite. No, it's not. Yeah. I heard it on NPR. It's like Postlewaite. Postlewaite or something. He died. He was 64. He's the guy that played the florist in the movie The Town. Play the horses? No, they either gelled a horse with a knife or with the chemicals. And your daddy said no to me. I did him the chemical way. Wow. Oh, he was good in that. He was brilliant. He was chilling. He's cutting those flowers while he's giving that speech. Wow.

1:24:30Good movie. Great movie. The town is good. Anyway, that guy was 64 years old. He passed away. Let's see. What else is going on? Oh, the five most talked about commercials of 2010. Don't know who this list was compiled by. May have even been a YouTube thing. But these were the five most talked about. Of course, the Betty White one. Remember that one? It's the one that they aired in the Super Bowl where she gets tackled. Betty White was hot in 2010. She's big. Kevin Bacon is Kevin Bacon's biggest fan. Have you guys seen that? It's brilliant, dude. He works, you know, he's like, it's a Logitech commercial and he's on a keyboard watching all of his movies. My favorite actor. Oh, that's easy. Kevin Bacon, obviously. His best movie is probably a tie. He's dressed like an old dude. Yeah. With glasses and I think like a horseshoe. Yeah. Between all of them, I do a Kevin Bacon impression. This veil is just one long smorgasbord. They're under the gram.

1:25:35Ken Jeong for Pepto-Bismol. It's a dude from The Hangover, right? Baby Carrots, you know that one? Eat them like junk food. Indulves the most tasteful of your taste buds. Oh, wow. Carrots? Eat carrots, baby. You know the feeling. Overt sexual innuendo. Indulves the most tasteful of your taste buds. You already said that. Oh, baby. Oh, wow. Carrots. Baby carrots. Wow. Junk food packaging. You know what the most talked about commercial was of 2010? What? Got any guesses? As soon as I say it, you'll go, oh, yeah. What's that one girl that's always trying to sell something? Free! Free! What is that? I know what you're talking about. That wasn't it, though. Okay. Progressive? Progressive. Yeah. Awful. Tiger Woods? Oh, the dad. Tiger? I am more prone to be inquisitive, to promote discussion. I want to find out what your thinking was.

1:27:06I want to find out what your feelings are. And did you learn anything? So creepy. Dude. Oh, the camera just moves in real slowly on Tiger Woods. You knew he recorded it or that he filmed it for this purpose. Found an old tape of his dad where he's saying that. And they released this Nike commercial right after all of the stuff had gone down with him cheating. Gnarly. Oh, it was so. Creeped me out. Yes. Yeah, it was creepy. Because you knew that it was like for a product. Yeah. His dad didn't sign up to me in that commercial, you know. No, it was so weird. Let's do some Woods on Sports. Yeah, Woods on Sports brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Yesterday we talked about was Black Monday. We've already told you Eric Mangini's been fired.

1:28:19The Houston Texans are going to stick with Coach Gary Kubiak. They did fire their defensive coordinator yesterday. Told you earlier in the day that Steve Crosby, the special teams coach for the Chargers, is long gone. Yeah, and we knew it. It had to be. It had to be. It was a worse, man. The Jacksonville Jaguars will keep Coach Jack Del Rio for another year. They have been very... Unsuccessful. They were 8-8. 4-11 in December and January under him the last three years. I wonder why they're keeping him. I don't know. Probably just, you know, it's like so many teams just make these snap judgments and, you know, like they're hiring a new coach every year, like the Redskins. And it never works out for those guys either. And the Minnesota Vikings have removed the interim tag from... Leslie Frazier, and he is now going to be their head coach. So he's done pretty good, man. He's done, well, three and three, but with really no quarterback to speak of since Brett Favre's been out. And he has already come out and said he is not going to be calling Brett Favre next year to come back and quarterback the team. He said there is in no way...

1:29:25a reason that he would have to call Brett Favre back. So they're going to kind of start fresh in the quarterback department. But yeah, he's a hot... It's time. Yes. He's 41 years old. He's beat to hell. You know, it's time. Okay. And then yesterday, Jim Harbaugh and the Stanford Cardinal put on a display against the Virginia Tech Hokies, man. Poor Hokies. 40 to 12. And basically after the game, they asked... Andrew Luck was named the MVP. And they said, man, how does that feel to be MVP and win the Orange Bowl? Cut to. It means everything, especially the Orange Bowl win. We set out, we had a goal this season, like Coach Harbaugh said, to be champions. We knew this trip would have been all for naught if we had came home empty-handed. Just so thankful to be a part of this team, part of Stanford University, and it means the world. Well, they were 1-11. in 2006, and now they're 12-1 with an Orange Bowl victory, which is just incredible. And they're saying that's probably the last game for both of those guys, for Jim Harbaugh. John Elway was in the house last night and is looking to recruit him to coach the Denver Broncos. Why? Because he's a Stanford guy, and Elway is a Stanford guy, and he's a hell of a coach. Yeah, but Elway is supposed to be...

1:30:43He's buying ownership. He's the executive vice president of the Broncos now. Yeah. So they're saying maybe both of those cats, man. Maybe Andrew Luck and Jim Harbaugh reunite in Denver. Not good for Chargers fans because those guys know what they're doing. Luck threw for about 287 and four touchdowns last night, which is dynamite. And then tonight is the Sugar Bowl, which I'm really excited about. Ohio State and Arkansas. My little brother Brent is a... He's an Arkansas alum. My cousin goes to Arkansas. So pig suey tonight against the boys from Tattoo University. Is that what they say? Yeah, they say pig suey. Pig suey? Yeah, pig suey. Like that's their go guys? That's their bit. Yeah. Well, and then also I made a little comment about Ohio State being called Tattoo U. Now, did you hear about this last week? Mm-mm. Oh, yeah. Five guys from Ohio State. traded a bunch of memorabilia for tattoos and cash. Putting their rings and stuff. And their rings and all kinds of stuff. They sold some for cash. They traded some for tattoos, which is super important. So that they could get tattoos on their body? Yes. And they've been suspended. But they will be able to play in the Sugar Bowl, but they're suspended the first five games of next year. The weird thing is Jim Trestle, the coach, said...

1:31:55I'll let you play, but you've got to all promise me that you're coming back next year. That includes quarterback Terrell Pryor, who they're saying he'd be a top draft pick. And he's got to come back now, does he? We'll see what happens. But I hope Arkansas takes it to him tonight. Should be a good game. Yeah. Next week is the national championship. It's going to be Oregon and Auburn. Oh, it's going to be great. Next Monday. Who wins that? I'm taking Auburn. Yeah? Yeah. Oregon's really fast, but Cam Newton is a winner, and that kid does not like to lose, and he'll take the whole game on his shoulders. He's good, man. He's a good football player. He's really good. He's really good. That's what's on sports. So I was saying this earlier. We'll do it for you. What famous news guy said that he was groped at airport security because it happened in SoCal? We'll tell you all about it coming up. Oh, that's good stuff right there. Oh, yeah. That is some 70s gold. How about you? England Dan and John Ford Coley. England Dan. Sounds like the lyrics to one of your love letters, Mike. Yeah, it kind of does. It does. Oh, wow. Can you clarify something for me in this song? Yeah. What does he say? I'm not talking about what? I'm not talking about the live-in? Forever, I thought. I'm not talking about moving in. Is it moving in? Yeah, I'm not talking about moving in. Jamie and I used to think it was the millennium. Oh, I thought he said forever. Listen, listen.

1:33:49Moving in. Yeah, next time I'm moving in. Don't want to change your life? What a couple of clowns those guys are. Yeah, those two dudes. Looking at each other's eyes, singing. With big giant beards. Yeah. I think I did actually think it was Millennium. Millennium. I'm not talking about Millennium. Just touring across the country, singing at each other each night. Yeah, absolutely. Ladies and gentlemen, England Dan. I want to hear from somebody that's seen England Dan in concert. I want to know what that's like. Do you think that England Dan and John Ford Coley are playing a Ramada Inn somewhere tonight? In Wisconsin, yes. They're playing like some casino in Iowa or something. Absolutely. I worked at an oldie station. We had Three Dog Night at the thing. And they get in the car and I'm driving them somewhere. And I'm thinking, oh, these guys are going to want to...

1:34:46You score drugs or something. I'm kind of nervous. They're like, hey, do you know where a good pharmacy is? We need to get some hair care products and stuff and some vitamins. Three dog night? Three dog night. I need some Metamucil. See, I wouldn't have taken those guys for big coke heads. Well, you know, one of them, I think one of them died from heroin. Really? Yeah, I think one of them died from heroin. I saw a special on them one time. God knows why I watched it. They killed the mood. Oh, my. Sorry. Wah, wah, wah. Wah, wah. I think I was actually dead, you guys. I think Oliver was dead. England, damn. Let's see. This is good. This is Letterman last night. Sorry. You all right, Nellaby? I had a sudden pain shooting to my neck. Pinched nerve? Yeah. Oh, wow. She goes, ah! You okay? Yeah, that was like involuntary. Oh, dear. You all right? Getting old. Getting old over there. Whole 30. She'll come in tomorrow. She's like, it's probably cancer. It's cancer. I know I have cancer in my neck. I have to have my neck removed. Yeah. This is NBC Nightly News guy Brian Williams on Letterman last night. In this country. You get the enhanced shmageggy right there. I'm sorry.

1:36:13Let me have that again. Yeah. You get the enhanced schmageggie. That's an aviation term. Oh, I thought it was who ordered the special meal. For some reason, it's coming back. I always get it at LAX. I get nailed. I had a guy. What are you saying? He's talking about getting a security check? They go right in. They go. Oh. Oh, my goodness. This new thing. They go right after Dave and the twins. Dave? Well, I mean, Dave. You won't be Dave. This is peace, Dave. I've never had anybody in security touch my crotch. Me neither. Yet. Not yet. Waiting for it. Welcoming it. Yet. Get in here. Let's see. Tell me what you think about this email. 5701949. Uh-oh. Don't say it. Then I'll stop doing the laundry.

1:37:41Yes. Wow. What do you guys think? Oh, my gosh. Am I in the wrong? That's M1 Roach Coach. He says, P.S., women are just as capable of putting the toilet seat down as us men. Oh, wow. Oh, my gosh. Aren't they the ones that use it the most? Finally, somebody with the balls to say it. Wow. Well, notice it's an email. Yeah. Whatever. Call in, buddy. Somebody, yeah, finally, somebody with the nuts, too. Yeah. Type it. To type it. If your aim were better, you wouldn't have to lift the seat. I don't understand. That's stupid. Oh, that's impossible. I don't understand. I never leave the seat up. Because you don't stand up when you pee-pee. That's true. It's just cleaner with it all shut. It's like you close a box, you know, you're closing the whole thing up. You guys don't leave the seat up, do you? When I do stand to pee-pee? It's not very often. Which isn't very often. Yeah. Because I'm lazy like you. We're weird. Well, it just feels better. It feels so much. Because I read. I'll read even when I pee. It's weird. It's comfortable. That's weird. Do you have to, like... Read on the couch. I read in the bathroom. Does it just dangle, or do you have to, like, make sure that... Oh, my gosh. I don't know.

1:38:50Do you need to know that? It just seems like really odd. Or what? Do I have like a kickstand? Third leg. Like what is, where was that question? I don't know why. No, I have a table I put it on. I mean like, I don't know. What is she? A tray folds out. Yeah. No, I have a tray for it. Yeah. You just sit and it falls properly and everything? It depends on the toilet, I'm sure. I see what you're saying. I don't. Because when I go to my grandmother's house that's old, I'm like, I've got to lean down. We have a small toilet. If it's small, then you're above it. What do you mean? You've got to adjust and get it to fit. Get it to go the right direction. Because the toilet is strange or something? The toilet's so small. I just have trouble hitting the water. You have, your grandmother has like a strange toilet. And Sienna does too. My house is like from the 20s and so everything's old. We need to get a new toilet because it's so small. You have a toilet from the 20s. I don't know if the toilet's from the 20s, but everything in our house is old. The wieners were a lot smaller in the 20s, Michael. People were shorter. They were. All of her doorways and stuff were shorter. You'd feel great. Yeah.

1:40:04Mikey's building a king in there. He's like, hey, watch me touch this door jam. Yeah. There was a brief moment before you laughed that I thought you were going to slit my throat. Do you guys open the car doors for your wives? Of course. Sometimes. No, no, no. I don't. I do not. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Sometimes. I don't. I don't. But sometimes I do. Once a month. Maybe. When we're going out and she's all dressed up, I will open the car door for sure. So you get out and you walk around. No. Oh, no. From the house to the car, I'll get the door. But when we park at the restaurant, I don't go, hang on, and run around. Oh, yeah. But when we're going to, see, I'm just dating Matt, so maybe that's just a dating thing that would end. It will end. Oh, absolutely. You guys have been dating for a while, though. Yeah. That's impressive. He still does. I did it the whole time we dated. Really? Yeah. And then you got married, you're like, eh, she can open the door. He opens the car's door when I get into it, not when I get out. Right. Yeah, because you're late. When you get in, when you get in. You do it like if you're walking out to the driveway to get in your car, you pop it then. I'm more apt to do it at the restaurant than I am at home. You go around and you get out and walk around and open the door. When she's getting into the car. Getting into, not out of. I think it started because with the cars before, it's like you had to put the key into the door and unlock it. So it was a nice thing instead of you getting in first and letting her wait outside. But now we have automatic locks, so it's really not.

1:41:25As necessary. I try to for her. I try to. It's a nice touch. I don't think it's necessary, but it is a really nice touch. Every time I do it, Jamie goes, oh, oh. And I'm like, thank you every time. You guys should do it all the time. It's sweet. What's the equivalent? For them to do to us? Like that they stop. I really can't say it on the radio. I know what you're saying. I don't want to say it on the radio. Taking care of you when you're sick. Making you your favorite meal. Yeah, cooking a full course dinner and plating it for you. Brilliant. Plating it for you, not just cooking it and you get your plate, but us plating it for you. Every night Rebecca does that. She plakes your plate? She cooks dinner and she, yeah. She makes your plate. Wait, wait, wait. You mean as opposed to me going up there and scooping it in myself? Yeah. I do this. We do this scoop. Sometimes she makes my plate for me and I really like it. My mom plates it while my dad sits at the table and she brings it to me. Oh, that's badass. So does Rebecca. That's old school. That's old school. I always plate it. I always plate. I don't bring it over. Always. You guys want to hear something really great, I guess? A lot of people are going to go, what a D you are.

1:42:38When I'm done having dinner, I'm allowed to just get up. Oh, you're a monster. Same with my dad. Oh, my God. No. Is it 1955 in your house? That is preposterous. That is. You're a monster. I am a monster. Listen, I think Rebecca is like, listen, he does other things that are pretty cool. I do. Oh, wow. So does she, though. That's really. For sure. It's old school. That is. It's 1955. Okay, okay, okay. I have so many questions. Yeah, just get up. Did she say that that was okay? Is this something you guys have discussed? I guarantee it bothers her. Sienna, please. I guarantee it bothers her. Sienna, do you think... Get on the phone. Get on the phone. Jerry, call her. It bothers her. It bothers her. Do you think... Sure it bothers her. I'm bothered for her, and I'm not even a woman. You can't just get on it. Woods, please. You and me are the same guy when it comes to this kind of stuff. No. Wait, wait, wait. I do my own laundry. I wash my own dishes. I buy the groceries. Now, because Jamie just started working. But I would do it anyway. The one thing I know you did was dishes. Like, you were big on dishes. I do dishes. I do laundry, too. That's such a big help. I do laundry. You should at least take the plate.

1:43:46and put it at the sink. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I do. You just said you don't. Most of the time I get up and I just go. This is what my dad does. But sometimes I do. Your dad is, your dad's like in Mad Men. Like 1955. And like now that I come back, I do the dishes and stuff for my mom and sometimes I'll even cook because I'm like, I'll give her a break. I'm kind of on vacation when I go back to visit. And my dad expects me to just. Do you do it? Oh yeah. Hold on. You're like the biggest feminist. I know. But you are a feminist. Yeah. You're a feminist. No, I'm not. Equal rights. Equal rights. Yes. There's a difference between equal rights and feminists. I think I'm really independent. Yes. But even when I serve Matt, I'll bring it down. I'll tell him to sit down. I think he really, I think, Woodsy, because we've talked about this before openly with L.O.B., that you have a feeling that she's a feminist. And I've always thought, I'm not sure that you know appropriately what a feminist is. Like a feminist, dude, feminist is hardcore. Yeah. Way more hardcore. Like she's very like, for sure, we are on equal ground. Yes. You know, definitely. But she, a feminist is different. Like at home, because we've had conversations before and you'll say to him or you'll say to me.

1:45:07you'll be like, maybe you guys do it. You know what I mean? Like, if we're talking about laundry or dinner, equal. Equal. I like everyone to pitch in, but I do do traditional things. Oh, boy. I'm so impressed. Hi, hon. Hi, babe. Hey, were you listening, babe? Yeah. Does that bother you? No. I didn't think it did. It actually doesn't. Really? What? No, I'll be honest. It doesn't bother me, but I'll tell you why. It doesn't bother me because we're lucky enough to have an extra hand around. And so, you know, him going upstairs right after we eat, it's not like it leaves me completely stranded. Right. I have one other person that's either helping with the kids or helping with the dishes or, you know, anything. We work together, basically. Honestly, and I'm being completely. If we didn't have that. I would absolutely hope that he would stay and help me. And I will say that. With the three kids to get everybody cleaned up from dinner. Well, I would have to be told. But hang on. I will say with 100% certainty that I wouldn't leave that plate there if not. I never thought it through. I would feel weird. I'd feel really weird.

1:46:30I'd have to be told to help with the whole dishes. I'm sorry, but I think still, even though you guys have helped, that you should be bringing your plate to the sink. There's no excuse for just leaving it there. I think there's an excuse. I think there's an excuse. Really? I think there's a good excuse. What is it? I love my wife, and she loves me back. That's okay. Isn't that love? Here's the deal. She probably also, I guarantee you if you did the bit where you started putting your own dishes away, you'd probably screw it up from the way she normally does it. So she probably wouldn't like it. You'd put it in the wrong way and you'd break a glass. This is what I learned a long time ago. Break a glass. This is what I learned a long time ago. He probably would. He would. He'd put it in wrong. He'd put it in wrong. No, no. He'd put it in wrong and then it would break. I've done it. I've broken glasses in the dishwasher before. Well, here's the thing. I'm not even asking the dishwasher, just the sink. The sink is good. I've observed that we, and when I say we, I mean everybody listening. We have such different dynamics with our boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife. Yeah. Like Matt and L.O.B. might.

1:47:36say something with one another that would never fly in my relationship. And vice versa. Same with Woods and same with me and you and same with me and Kim. It was just so different. Jay and Kim. Jay and Kim. What did I say? Me and Kim. Everybody has such different dynamics. I know that there are things about my relationship with Rebecca that must seem so like 1957, you know? And I totally get that. But at the same time, I'm on an allowance. And at the same time, you know, I have to ask permission for certain things. You know what I mean? Sure. Yeah, there's give and take. And it's not, and it's like, it's more, it's not really like serious. You know what I mean? Right. But I think, I think.

1:48:31Even if you did, imagine, to Rebecca's surprise, if she tonight made you pot roast, and you ate your pot roast, and after you were done, you walked over to the sink, you rinsed it off, and you put it in the dishwasher, and you said, goodnight, babe. flip out. She'd go through the roof. See, that's your relationship. In your world, that may be the case. It may be that that would... Ask her. Well, dude, because I already know. I know this about Rebecca. What would make her flip out is if I came home today and I said, hey, babe, want me to go with you to go pick Jake up? Yeah. That would make her flip out. The sink thing wouldn't hurt. It's not going to hurt you. It seems like an extra nice thing. It's like a nice... Just a nicety. It's a help. You're helping. Help, yeah. It's a nicety. It's not like a... Dude, the other day, I laid on the couch. My wife goes, will you at least go buy the caulk for the shower? And I go, sure, I'll do that. And I went and bought it, and she caulked the shower. I didn't touch it. I'll screw it up.

1:49:30Write that down. But she did it. My wife had her pants rolled up, and she was in our shower caulking our shower. Yeah. Well, that's Rebecca in so many ways. I'll walk out into the living room, and there will be a ladder. And a hammer. That's me too. And I'll just be like, oh, Rebecca must be doing it. There'd be a drill. I'm not allowed to even hang a picture. He does it all. He does it all. That's so manly. What's that like to be manly? I am the handyman of our family. But it's frustrating because then I have to wait for him to do it. You know, that's the hard part. Hey, since we have you on the line, hun, I would like to address something that Woods said yesterday. Oh my God. Because I just really want to clear it up. I know, I heard it. Were you mad at me? What is it? No, I'm not mad at you. I just, I felt sad because, mostly because I have, like. Mostly because you're right, Woods. What did you say, Woods? No, no, no. We gotta reset it. We gotta reset it. Let's reset it. We need to reset it. Yesterday, Woods said that the reason that he does not come over to our house. A lot. I come over. I don't come over a lot. The reason that he doesn't come over to our house. A lot.

1:50:44is because Rebecca scares him. And I said, what do you mean? That's not what I said. He said, I get the feeling that Rebecca... You said shanked. She did shank me. You said that she's going to shank you. She actually did shank me one time. I told you. Because I'm so scary. You're so scary. Rebecca is five foot nothing, 105 pounds, scares the crap out of me. It's true. She's an intimidating woman. She is intimidating. Yeah, and she's a little tiny thing. Yes. She's been like that since we started dating. Scared, scared. But why, why does she scare you? Because, like, if Mike will go, because you walk over to their house and a lot of times in their house. It can be chaotic with three little boys. Four little boys. Four little boys. The nanny, the housekeeper. There's a lot going on. I feel bad. You're taking up Mikey's time. I'm taking up Mikey's time. And it really has nothing to do with Rebecca. It's more of me going, she probably...

1:51:46piss my wife off if there was stuff to be done and she walked into our house and me and you were sitting there playing grab ass and playing playstation she'd freak out she'd be like i wish i knew how to quit you she'd be like i want to talk to you later and she'd be mad so i just project that into your home because you've got a lot more going on in your house than mine okay now i'm gonna let rebecca speak for herself and then i want to say something go ahead babe yeah i mean i don't feel that way at all and i did hear you say that and it it made me feel sad because i thought What, you know, like, I hope I haven't done anything to make you feel that way or unwelcome or anything. Never. Oh, my God, you're so welcome. And the truth is, is that if you weren't over, you know, watching a movie with Mike or whatever, he would be upstairs, you know, naked laptop. Well, that's why I wanted to say. I was going to say, babe, that it's not like if you left, Mike would be. He'd be building cabinets or anything. This is what I was going to say. If you're over there, trust me, it's time that's allowed. Okay, good. That's all I needed to know. Because I don't want to steal time. You wouldn't be invited or you wouldn't be asked over if there was something that I... No. Okay, because you know, it's one of those things where you never want to be the guy, and believe me, you guys know me, I've been the guy that the wives are like...

1:53:11You're not hanging out with him. I've been that guy before. I can see that. Yeah, and my wife, I have friends that are that to my wife. She's like, he's not coming over here. You know what I mean? Oh, no, it's not like that at all. And you don't make me feel that way at all. I just feel bad. We love seeing you, and the kids love you. I feel bad when anybody comes over because our house is a circus. It's freaking fun, though. I always have fun when I come over there. By fun, you mean it's the most annoying thing you've ever heard in your life. life i'll interpret i love it no when it's like i now know how mike and rebecca feel to a certain extent they have more kids but like when my friends come over and they don't have kids i feel like they're running out the door oh my god and mike always feels that way about me but what you don't what and rebecca probably knows but what you don't know i would sit and play with your kids for hours i love it it's so fun to me because you know why they don't They don't break balls. They're just great. They're fun. We wrestle and we play around. I'm like a four-year-old anyway. I like it. All right, honey. Okay, I love you. I love you, too. How weird. Oh, wow. I feel way more comfortable addressing things in the air. Oh, I know you do. Yeah, you do. I'm sweating.

1:54:26Right now. So bad. I'm so much more comfortable. I wish life could just happen on the air. Just do like a 24 hour show every day. You are a completely different person, Mike. On and off the air. Not to us. You're the same to us. But like in circumstances, yes. You're much more confident addressing things on the air. Yeah. I feel so much more normal on the radio than off. I was truly made to do this. Oh, yeah. You know, than anything else in the world, I was made to do this more than anything. Sienna. Yeah. I'm going to address this on the air because I don't want you to feel bad. I don't want you to feel bad. It's not bad. Is this truth time? I'm ready. Bring it. Bring it. No, no, it's not. It's to make you feel better. Okay. I was afraid. I was laying in bed last night and I was afraid. I'm like, I bet Sienna is tripping out about the Super Bowl. Because she's got Sagey and she's like, oh boy, like, what do I, I don't know how to get out of this safely. I'm not tripping out, but I was, I am a little worried. And I wanted, and I was like, how do I tell Sienna? Mike is having, he always does, a Super Bowl party and now I have a baby and there's no kids allowed. No, no, no. Except baby. No, no, no. It says. It says baby's allowed. Oh, I didn't need, okay. Oh yeah, it says baby's allowed. I just knew it from last year. No, no, no, no. Okay. It means baby, like little infants are allowed. Like Jake's age are not.

1:55:51Jake won't be there because we don't want to be watching. We don't want to have to watch kids running around and stuff and have to be like. Is that why it says adults only on there? It says get a sitter for the kids. No, it says adult toys. It says adult toys only. It's a Super Bowl key party. I was not tripping out about it at all. I would tell you. You would? I'm always like, you guys, I got to go, baby. Yeah, she's not shy. Because I thought you were going to be like, oh, man, I don't want to. It's going to be a beating to take Sagey and da-da-da. But you didn't know how to tell me. No, the only thing, I wasn't worried about that. The only thing I was worried about is if the Steelers are in the Super Bowl, Todd won't let me go anywhere. We'll have to stay home. There's no chance. No, there's a chance the Steelers are in. No, no, I meant, yeah, if the Steelers are in. Because Todd's not going to come to your house. He's going to freak out. 12 beers and throw bottles at the TV like you can at home. That's the only way that I wouldn't be able to go. Okay. I just thought you were, because I used to, Rebecca and I would trip out when we first, when, you know, like even now with the twins, when they're little. It's hard. And we get invited places. You know, a lot of times we're like, we want to, but it's tough. Yeah. It's just tough because they're so little and you just, it's a beating. It can be a beating.

1:57:08I was really nervous for a second. Oh, no. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. What's happening? No, no, no, no. It wasn't bad. Yeah. Well, we completely did not cover that topic. We started to. What? The email? What happened? What was the email about? About opening the weather night. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But people are calling. I know. The phone lines are blowing up. Emma and Jennifer from Tierra Santa. Hello. Hi. You kind of touched on this before, but I just wanted to point out that you're saying that you're... that your relationship was, like, from 1957, blah, blah, blah, but that you're allowed to get up from the table. Yeah. And I've been on hold listening, and you've said it two more times about something else with her, so I thought it was funny that you're allowed to, like, you have to ask permission. Yeah, we do. And that's the thing, like, I do, but it's kind of, like, not serious, and that's why I said that earlier, like, it's not, like, a real serious thing. Like, I do, for instance, I have an allowance.

1:58:09Yeah, you said that too. I have an allowance. And a lunch pail. And a lunch pail. She packs every day. You're eight years old. Yeah. But I have an allowance and I don't get an allowance again until June. Because he went over his allowance for a few months. I went over my allowance. And so I don't get an allowance until June. What a day that will be. Oh, it's going to be great when I get allowance again. I'm skipping in here. But here's the thing. No, we won't. It's whatever makes you happy, right? It works for us. And it's like this. It's like we have that, but it's kind of not really serious because like, okay, let's say that I go spend money. Rebecca's not going to ground me. And she's not going to punish me. And she's not, you know, so it's kind of like. We kind of have fun with it. But it's a respect thing. I don't spend my allowance because I get grounded. Thank you, Jennifer. Can I say one more thing about opening the door? Someone said something about maybe doing it all the time, but I think doing it every once in a while is the way to do those kind of things. That's what makes it special. My husband used to use an excuse for everything. He hates holding hands in public.

1:59:33One time I remember him saying, well, but if we don't do it all the time, then when I do do it, it makes it special. Yeah, well, when would he do it? Every once in a while if we're out, like, well, we don't go out to do it anymore because I have two little kids, but when we used to go out every once in a while, if we were walking down the street, he would hold my hand. Yeah. And it did, honestly, it did make it more special. Yeah. Girls like that. My wife hates it, and I like it. Your wife doesn't like to hold hands? No. Why? And I like it. I don't know. I used to hate it. She hates it. Now I like it. We always hold hands. Yeah, I love it. What? I like to rather hook arms. Are you talking about Woods there, Mikey? Yeah, me and Woods always hold hands. The first time Todd reached to hold my hand, the very first time, I said, oh, how about we do this? And I linked arms in it. Why? Why? I don't know. It was creeped out. I like to hook arms. Yeah, well, now I hold his hand. Like, I have to be really comfortable with someone to hold their hand. Really? Because they can get sweaty. Yeah. Like, I need to be super comfortable with you. I will, on a first, like, if I had a first date, I would grab your hand walking in the restaurant. Oh, I would not like that. 100%. Oh, I wouldn't like that. You wouldn't like that? No. Me neither. I like.

2:00:39I like say we're in a bar and it's crowded and you're leading me. You can hold my hand for a second to lead me through a crowd, but I don't want to be holding your hand for a long time. So you don't have a problem kissing him on the first date, but holding hands? Yeah, no way. It's different. I'd rather kiss than holding hands. I would too. Holding hands is so intimate. It is. Oh my God. I'd rather sleep with him than holding hands. Okay, because that's creepy. I'm telling you, I feel the same way. We have to break. Oh, gosh, with this. I hate to have to. I'm uncomfortable. Even shaking people's hands sometimes, I'm like, oh, hey, I'm a little too long. Hey, when we come back, we have got to continue this conversation. I need to. This is one of those things that I bet dudes didn't really know about girls. And if you're a girl, do you agree with L.O.B.? I'm calling BS. I'm calling crazy. The new bit in my parents' church, too, is that they hold hands during, like, seminars and stuff. I'm like, eh. I like it. Can I tell you what I don't? Well, my pastor's probably listening, so he's not going to. And he didn't do this. But you know what I don't like in church? What? I don't like.

2:01:43Turn around and greet someone. I love it. Peace be with you. A moment of peace. Peace be with you. I love it. I love it. I love it. I don't like it. I dread it. I know when it's coming. And I'm like, oh, here we go. Dane Cook had a bit when he was funny. That was a long time ago, a while ago. It was about the Catholic Church. He was Catholic. And he would be like, peace off. Because people would be looking at you like, you're going to shake my hand, right? The peace be with you. Yeah. Yeah. And at. like that's a Catholic church and I used to go to Catholic church and we did that but at the church that I go to they do it too but it's not you don't say a specific thing it's just like you're just supposed to introduce yourself and it's so uncomfortable it's kind of like when you're at a huge table and you decide to toast you're like how far do I reach with this we have to get everyone I can't reach you but you're coming over here now and you have that uncomfortable moment where you make eye contact and instantly decide We're not going to. We're not going to. Hey, it's the Mikey Show. Sienna, what's going on in the news? This is nuts. A blood test is apparently on its way to being available. And this thing is going to detect and capture a single cancer cell among a billion healthy ones in your body. And they just announced this yesterday. Basically, it's a test that uses a microchip coated with antibodies that bind.

2:03:15to tumor cells so that the cancer cell sticks to it and then it glows when blood is forced across it. I don't know. How crazy is that? This is nuts. I mean, early detection for cancer. And so they're working on this right now. And if that's available, that's insane. Yeah. I mean, amazing. Might save a lot of lives. Yes. Remember the Miley Cyrus bong video? Yeah. Where she's smoking what they say was salvia. Well, the man... who owned the bong. He's going by the name Mr. Bong Owner. The work. Has put it up for sale. Of course he does. Yeah, you can. He's taking offers at MileyCyrusBong at gmail.com. Who's that buyer? I know. He thinks he's going to get five figures for it. And the sad thing is he probably will. He will. Who? How does he even prove it? I, you know, it's, I don't know. Idiot. It's so stupid. I thought I'd share it with you. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Interesting story out of Bristol, Connecticut. Longtime ESPN broadcaster Ron Franklin, they pulled him right before the Fiesta Bowl. They said, you're not going to do it. You know why? They had a pregame meeting. He and a woman that he works with, Janine Edwards. He called her sweet cakes, and she didn't like it, and she told him so. So he called her. He said, okay then, a-hole.

2:04:33So they yanked him from the broadcast. And apparently this is this guy's bid. He's kind of a chauvinist, and he's done it before. And he told her, hey, you let the boys worry about that sweet cake. And she said, I don't appreciate that very much. And then ratted him out, and they pulled him from the broadcast. So he's in a little bit of trouble. This is the second time something like this has happened. Is he nine years old? Yeah. Weird guy. Oh, I know, dude. It's kind of funny, but. Whatever. It's weird. It's weird. Sweet cake. That's a strange dude. Sweet cake. Yeah. Well, there's another one you want me to talk about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Potteries have been... I thought you were ready to go. The Potteries have been very busy in the offseason. They're going to have what equates to basically a... Brand new lineup next year, man. I got to tell you, looking at it one through eight, I'm really excited about it, to be honest with you. What do you got? They've added Jason Bartlett at short, Orlando Hudson at second. They did sign Brad Hopp, who's coming off a down year, but he's a good player. Still got Ryan Ludwick from the trade last year in left field. Chase Headley at third. Cameron Maben, new center fielder. And Nick Hundley will be catching. Got some pop in that lineup. I'm not kidding. Really? I'm stoked to go out and watch it. I really am. The moves they've made have been under the radar, but pretty solid.

2:05:46I hope so. The lineup opening day this year is going to be better than the lineup opening day last year, even without Adrian in it. And one Donna from Oceanside. Are you there, Donna? I'm here. You don't like to hold hands either. Not that I don't like to hold hands, but it's very awkward. On a date, you're saying that on a first date, if a guy did that, it would bother you. Yeah. Yeah. too much around it. It's very presumptuous. It's a great move. I like the bar thing. When I'm being led, I'm all in on it. When you're being led, because it's like, okay, he doesn't want you to lose you. What if I'm leading you into ocean air for a delicious meal? No, very presumptuous. Guys, it works. Presumptuous works. I need to be comfortable with you to hold your hand. It's almost like you can equate it to that first date when he's dropping you off and you're like, what do we do now? Yeah.

2:06:54Do I kiss them? Don't you like a guy that kind of takes the bull by the horns and has a little confidence? Yeah, but when I'm with them. Yeah, but it's not like he's pulling his wiener out or something. He's just grabbing your hand and taking you in the ocean air. Holding hands is like something a couple does, not people that just met. But kissing. Yeah, but kissing. A kiss goodnight. First of all, I wouldn't kiss on the first date. You wouldn't? It depends on how the date started. Kissing, it was like... But I wouldn't. Yeah, you have to kiss because then you need to know if there's chemistry. You don't have to hold hands until there's chemistry. I used to kind of wait until the second date. Yeah, I've slept with a lot of guys in the first. I'd never hold hands until the second or third date. That's too intimate. It's way too intimate. I know it sounds weird, but it's so true. I want to demonstrate. I want to show you how I would kiss. Yeah, kiss those girls. No, not kiss. I know what you mean, and I know, and it's been done, and I'll hold the hand the whole time I'm thinking, I'm uncomfortable, I'm uncomfortable, I'm uncomfortable. There are definitely girls that are like...

2:07:49The thing is, when do you let the hand go? Because you don't want to... When we get to the door and I open the door for you. When it gets all sweaty and then it's too late. Yeah, when it gets sweaty, you're like, okay, this is so sweaty now. You're like, now he's just gross. Yeah. No, it's different. If you're in a... Filthy girls with a sweaty hand. It's the guys. It's the guys. Or just anyone that holds hands for a while. They get sweaty. What if he has a clammy hand to begin with? I don't. I don't. Better to find out. I'll tell you this. I had to teach Rebecca how to hold hands. Yeah, I did too. We all did. I had to teach Matt. Did he do something that annoyed you? Yeah. What did he do? He was on the wrong side. I like a particular side when I'm walking. What is that? What do you mean? What side? I like to be on the left side. Well, I guess it depends on what side of the street I'm on. That's weird. You want to be away from the street? Yeah. He has to walk against the street. Was that the only rule? That, and I didn't like... What was he doing? The crisscross? I like the crisscross. I like this. I don't like that. I like this. I don't like that at all. It's wherever you have your purse. I don't like it. You don't want to hold the hand where your purse is because it's so uncomfortable. I had to tell... Matt and I were walking in Washington, D.C., and I had to eventually go, okay, you're going to need to pick a side because he kept switching sides, and then I had to switch my purse. We have a purse. It's like...

2:09:02I said it gingerly, but I was like, okay, don't take this the wrong way, but you're going to need to pick a side because every time you change sides, I got to change my first. No, I never said it. Todd was actually the one that was like, okay, you're up too high. This hand is up too high. This is my first. Holy crap. Okay, we do this a lot when we're walking. My hand's around his waist and his hand is around my waist. That's very high school to me. It's very high school. I can't do that because, first of all, I'm too short and my hips are too wide, so I couldn't do that. What about hand in each other's back pocket? Rebecca wouldn't be able to put her arm all the way around my hip. But no, there's a very like, when Todd and I hold hands, we interlock fingers like that. Interlock is good. That's what you do with your significant other. With your kids, you do, we don't interlock. Exactly. That's true. It'd be weird if I saw someone interlock with a kid. Interlock is intimate. If it was the first date and we pulled up to Donovan's and I would do it like this. I would take, I would do it like that. And I would kind of leave you in. Oh gosh. Feminine. Not feminine.

2:10:11He looks kind of feminine. It's not feminine, because chances are I'm going to slay her that night, so it's not feminine. He would do it low. He wouldn't hold it up with a limp wrist. Pull her in. I would be okay with it. I wouldn't pull back, but I would be uncomfortable. Me too. You guys are weirdos. I'm sure I am. I'd like to get a consensus besides just Donna. 5701949. M1 Steve is on the line from San Diego. Hi, good. I'm supposed to be on the right side if we're walking down the street. Well. The girls have made it very clear that they need to not be near the street. He means like, yes, you're always supposed to, pedestrians are supposed to walk on the right side of the street, but within the couple dynamic, you know. Probably from the get-go though, I'm always supposed to be on the right side where the traffic is, just in case something happens. Right, just in case some marauder. See, Matt does that. He'll like push me aside and make sure I'm away from the traffic. Just in case some charging car.

2:11:12I don't care about that. Jump the curb. Push you out of the way. I'll take the brunt. It's a gentlemanly. Or if a puddle splashes up. Really? Yeah, you take it for me. He takes his coat off and lies it. Lays it on the pile? No. What a bit that was in the 50s. I'm not throwing my coat down for anybody. Not Megan Fox. I'm like, sorry, kid. Yeah, why would you ruin it perfectly? Just step over it, you divo. I feel so bad for any man that ever did that. You idiot. 5701949. Yeah, Rebecca used to do this thing where we would do the interlocking hands. Her thumb was always on the top of my thumb and she would rub my knuckle. I do that. And it hurt. It was so, you know, it took years for me to finally go, babe, it feels like we're at Guantanamo and you're torturing my thumb for crying out loud. Wow.

2:12:08What a comparison. Matt and I did the same thing. And then I did it back to him and I was like, seriously? She's rubbing it off. You guys are monsters. I don't know what I do. I think I rub like on the inside of his hand somehow. So now she holds my hand like a lobster. Like this? Yeah, like all clawed. So that she doesn't rub my very high maintenance. And one bug from RB. I have to agree with the ladies on this one. It's a little bit loco, but, you know. So true. It's got to be kind of oogie about holding hands. But then when you're with the guy and it's established, you're together, you're comfortable, you love the hand holding. Oh, yeah. My husband and I have been married 22 years, and, I mean, we love holding hands. Yeah. You have to get to that level. Yeah, you'll never get them, dude. We're teaching you something. You will never get them. I'm trying to think of an equivalent. It'd be like. And what's the equivalent of the opening doors? What do women do for us that they stop doing? I told you, plate your food. Besides, is there anything else? Plating food is great, man. God, I love nothing better than having a plate of food made for you. Ironing your shirt, maybe? I'll tell you what Rebecca used to do. Rebecca used to do, used to, like, on things like Easter, she would make me an Easter basket. Oh, that's rad. It's the greatest. She still does, I thought.

2:13:36Kids. I do it. Stupid kids. Always getting in the way. They always get everything. They suck up all their attention. I got a crazy one. Kim used to clean. This is weird. She used to clean my ears. Oh, wow. She'd lay down with a Q-tip and alcohol, and she'd clean. Oh, that's awesome. I would like it. It was awesome, but now that we have kids, well, this is 100 years, so my ears have been dirty for 22 years. I love it. They get all the attention. I'm slacking in that kind of stuff, too, now. I used to be all in on it. Yeah. I like to pick it. In her own hairs and stuff. Yeah, she still likes that. Oh, I love it. It's my favorite. So disgusting. Yeah, holding hands is skeevy, but I'll pop a guy's zits. Well, you have to love them to do that. Yeah, you have to love them. Oh, yeah, yeah. To someone that I love. Only that I love. Yeah. Not even, like, love. Matt has to, like, let me. I'd be like, can I get it? And he'd be like, okay. But just this one. Don't go picking at the whole face. I'm like. I get bummed out. And then when I get it, I'm like. Oh, yeah. Like the other day, the other day I was like, babe, let me look at your back. Let me look at your back. He's like, fine. Because I haven't done it in a while, like since Sage was born. And I was all excited. Like, yes. Like a minefield. There was only one. I was like, yeah. Women are a little creepier. So you guys are, I'm about to be a dad in a few months. And so.

2:14:48Pretty much I'll just never see her hang out with my wife anymore again, right? Not for a while. The way that we mother you when kids come into the picture, I think that goes to the real kid instead of the guy. That's perfect. I'll do real well in that scenario. No, I mean, yeah. I'm telling you, I think back of when Rebecca and I were dating and to now that the kids are here. It's a different world, man. Because we have that motherly instinct. We have a motherly instinct. When we were dating, we just...

2:15:22Got to be a little baby for them. And the dogs get passed by, too, or the dogs are all getting mothered. I've already told Jamie it's going to be her in the corner with the kid, and it's going to be me with five dogs in my lap petting dogs. It's okay, guys. It's okay. I've seen you as babies. You're going to be like, give me that baby. That's true. Oh, I know. Now, I've said this before, and I know that there's a lot of guys that think that I'm nuts. I think that the TV show The Bachelor is more of a guy's show than it is a girl's show. And I've heard lots of guys go, are you kidding me? You've got to understand. There's 25 gorgeous women on The Bachelor. Now, they're all vying for this guy. So the fact that there's 25 beautiful women is pretty interesting for men. But also the fact that they're crazy. Most of them are. I feel like it feels like my nightmare to be stuck in a house with those chicks. I can't imagine if I were a guy. I know. There was a new episode of The Bachelor. I guess it just started. And this chick, Rachel, was describing what she does for a living. Ready? I'm Rachel and I'm a manscaper. Manscaping, it's a term for men's waxing. You get the good old chest and back, the abs, arms, legs. Son of a.

2:16:54And never forget the Brazilian. The best case scenario is love at first sight and the bachelor whispers in my ear and says, these girls got nothing on you. We're dating men for a reason. We want them to be a man. If you're getting Brazilian, that's like, hello. Oh, guess who's on the line? A manscaper? No. It's, uh, wait a minute. Hello? Hello? It's the, yeah, it's Fruitcake. Hi. Hello, Michael. You're still around? Are you still at Vaughn's? Yes, I'm here. Nobody bought me. Nobody ate me. You don't have to do that. Nobody picked you up. If you would, Mike, I'm a Fruitcake, and people eat me. I know, but you try to make it, you're so shocked. I know, you're a creep, and you've always been one. I'm not, and I haven't always been. Fruitcake, you try to be so shocking.

2:17:49I'm not shocking. Yeah. I'm a shock jock. I've read all about you on the intranet. Intranet. I haven't been a shock jock for 10 years. Haven't you? I haven't. Haven't you? What's going on? I heard you guys were talking about The Bachelor. Did you watch it? Of course I watched it. You did? Fabulous. You liked it? It's a fabulous program. Which girl do you like? I like them all. They're all lovely. Which guy do you like? What's his name, Brad? He's phenomenal. Brad's the new Bachelor. He's not the new bachelor. He's the old bachelor. Yeah, he's back. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. Get your facts straight before you... Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Maybe know what you're talking about. I'm sorry, fruitcake. You can't just say things on the air. How do you watch The Bachelor when you're at Vaughn sitting in an aisle? There's cities everywhere. Oh, wow. So they brought Brad back? They gave him a second chance? Yeah, Brad is back, and I am, for one, thrilled. He's a dreamboat. Anything cool happen? Well, all kinds of stuff. Like?

2:18:48Like all kinds of stuff. Did you not watch it? No, I don't watch it. Why? Because I don't watch The Bachelor. There was a slap. There was a slap that was, it was titillating. Somebody slapped The Bachelor? Chantel. Yeah, Chantel. Any catfights? She is a little B-I-T-C-H. Let's listen. Oh, my God. Brad Lomack. Really? Oh, my God. What's your name? I'm Chantel. I'm Brad. I have to say, I mean, I watch... Oh, boy. And I have something for you. Oh, no. But here's the thing. Okay, it's not from me. Okay. It's from every woman in America. Holy cow. This is the messenger. I hope you understand that I had to get that out of the way for everybody else. Okay, two things. One, I deserve that. Two, I like you better already. What? I love the fire. Wow, that sounds like a hard... I don't even have the words to tell you what that woman is. I can't say it on the radio. She's a cute girl. In case you're just tuning in, by the way, we're talking to fruitcake. Yes, holiday fruitcake. Holidays. The holidays are over and I sit on the show. I'm going to take a vacation. I'm going to go to Key West. How are you going to get there? In a truck. A bakery truck? Yes. Are you getting a little stale? No, I've told you. I've been here since 74. I'm full of preservatives. I'm fine.

2:20:12I have a lot of friends in the Keys this time of year. Very nice. We drink margaritas. You can't drink your fruitcake. Read some Ernest Hemingway, maybe? Yes, I love the Keys. It's a lot of kindred spirits. Thank you, fruitcake. Thank you, fruitcake. Thank you, Mike. Is that it? You always want to carry on and carry on. Do you know there's something else on TV tonight? What's that? Premiering. You don't know? Oh, Paula Abdul. Yes! Paula Abdul, her new show. I've been freaking out. I can't believe the date's actually here. It's like my Super Bowl. Are you Team Paula or Team Simon? I'm Team Paula. She's brilliant. No, this is like a dance, American Idol, another dance reality show called Live to Dance. Big Paula Abdul fan? Huge. She's the Elizabeth Taylor of our generation. What's your favorite song? Phenomenal. What's your favorite Paula Abdul song? Straight up. What else? Straight up. That's a good song. A little too ironic. You got anything else for me? No. Okay. I don't. Okay. Bye, everybody. Bye, fruitcake. Come by and see me today. Gary. He's been calling in since Christmas time. I kind of want to watch the Paula Abdul show. I don't know why. I don't. I like her. I met her. She was one of the nicest people I've ever met. Really? Yeah, she hugged.

2:21:37She was in Stoned Woods. Wasn't she? No. She came in at the old station, and there were like 100 people in the room, and she came around and hugged every single person. Made out with every single person. Yes. Gus is calling in at 9 o'clock. Yeah. We're going to talk to the original Damone from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Hey, Stacey, this is really good ice tea. Oh, man. So we're talking to him at 9. Don't go away. Old school. Gotcha. Going some old school stuff here, Woodsy. This makes me want a vodka cranberry on the deck of a nice boat. Yeah, with a sweater tied around. Sweater tied around. A glass of Chardonnay has a back. Long sleeve white shirt. Oh, yeah. Hair blown in the breeze. That's good. Boat shoes on. A hundred and short. Loafers. Khakis. Listen to that.

2:23:09I remember when this came out, my brother telling me about it like it was the coolest thing in the world. My brother Sam. There's this new artist named Christopher Cross. He wasn't even new, wasn't he? In other bands, but he wasn't a solo artist yet. I don't know. That's a good question. I know he wrote for a lot of people. This song's brilliant. It's brilliant. Guess who's on the phone, ladies and gentlemen. Who? We have the original. Robert Romanis, who played Damone in Fast Times at Ridgemont High on the line. Hey, Stacy. Robert! Yeah. How are you, man? I'm good. How are you? We're good. It's great to have you on. It's great to have you on. We are crazy fans of Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Big time. Well, great. Thank you. It's fantastic to have you on. It's so awesome. Yeah, I know it. Okay, so let's go back to the old days and talk about when you got cast for this movie and how that happened. How did you get this role? Well, this was auditioning for this. You auditioned for seven weeks? I kept going in once a week. The callbacks. For seven weeks, yes. Wow. And I did. Well, it was one of the producers who.

2:24:38wasn't sure, you know. And I ended up reading every scene in the script and doing improvising and the makeup and all that crap. And then I told them on the seventh meeting that, you know, I'd love to do it, but I'm sure I'm not coming back again. So they offered it to me right there. The director, it was Amy Heckerling. And so... Gosh darn, seven times you had an audition for the thing. And it's crazy because we can't imagine anybody else in that role. Right. Okay, so when people meet you, I know there's a million lines that people quote to you, but is there one thing that people quote the most? Well, no, not really. They quote a billion. What do you get sick of? Are you sick of one? Probably all of them. Oh, I never want to hear it again. Probably all of them.

2:25:39No, I never get sick. I stop hearing them, and then I'll get sick. They'll be like, hey, what happened? My favorite, my favorite, we're talking to Robert Romanis, who played Damone in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. My favorite is, hey, Stacey, this is really good, I stay. You're the greatest. I do that a million times. You approve. Yeah, everybody loves my Damone. I really want to hear you say it. Yeah, thank you. Come on. Can you give it? Can you do it for us? You want me to say that? Please, please. He's got to get into character. Hey, Stacy, this is really good iced tea. It's the best. It's the best. How many people ask you to do that? Do they? And do they? You're the first one to ask me that one. Really? Wow. I think my favorite line, I think, when Damone says, could you get that out of the hamper? Oh, come on, this is cool.

2:26:42That's the greatest, man. Hey, is that your little brother? He's a good-looking kid. You guys could have a Damona off. Yeah, Damona off. Hey, what do you want, two tickets to Earth, Wind, and Fire? Do you know the movie front and back, or are you kind of like, oh, yeah, I know some of those lines? Well, I know some of those lines. You know, I haven't seen it in years. I was just going to ask you, when's the last time you actually saw Fast Times at Ridgemont High from beginning to end? I think about four or five years ago, I was in Connecticut, New Year's, and it was on, and I watched it then. You watched the whole thing from beginning to end? Yeah. Well, I think I caught it, like, right in the very beginning. I didn't see the whole beginning. I didn't see the walk-in, you know. And as you're watching it, what are you thinking as you're watching it? Are you watching it as, like, a genuine viewer? Or are you thinking to yourself, oh, I remember that day. I remember that day. Well, I remember that day. And I remember that day. Right, right, right. There's a lot of it that I'm not in. So, you know, it really holds up for me as a movie.

2:28:04You're going to remember Woods. I think the characters are great. Yeah. Woods, you're going to remember more than I did. Does he actually make out on camera with Jennifer Jason Leigh? Oh, yeah. You do? Oh, yeah. Wow. You got to make out with Jennifer Jason Leigh, Robert? Wow. Did you wish you could make out with Phoebe Cates? Who didn't? Everybody wished they could make out. Everybody at that age. Oh, my gosh. Well, you know, and my favorite thing about that movie, without question, is the Damone character, and it's always been the Damone character. From the first time I saw it, I'd go, yeah, Judge Reinhold's great, and Phoebe Cates, that scene, yeah, it's been paused on my VCR thousands of times. But the Damone character... That's the movie for me, man. Sean Penn, yeah, that's funny. That is the character of that movie. Period. I mean, it's the greatest character, man. I was so excited when you said you'd come on with us. You wanted it more than I did. It's so great. That's a great line. It's great. You wanted it more than I did. Don't they write the P word on the side of his car and spray paint? Rick with a P. Right, right, right.

2:29:14Little. Yeah, Little Rick with a P. Yeah. It's a great movie. I mean, it was one of those first coming-of-age movies. Yeah, and you know the great thing about that movie? When was that movie made, Robert? 1981. It came out. And, you know, I'm going to have a kid soon. My kid will see that movie someday and be like, oh, it's absolutely hysterical. And it holds up. Sienna's 25, knows it, loves it. I'm 35. Mikey's 40. Jay's 65. He loves it. I mean, it's timeless. So here's a question for you, Robert, because what we know of Sean Penn is that Sean Penn is a brilliant actor, but he is also a very serious dude. When you were making that movie, do you remember him just being a real serious dude? Like going from surfer guy to, so can we talk about this shot? And, you know, Amy, can we get into the headspace really of the character here? And what do you remember him? Well, I have to say I'm a huge fan. I've been together for many years of the same. And when he was on the set, he was, I never saw him.

2:30:37You never saw him not being Spicoli, even off the set. Wow. So he was always high. He was method acting. He's method acting. So he was always in character? Well, you know, some people have to work like that. Some people have to, some people can turn it on just before, you know, the director says action, but some people have to. So he, and the key was like that until the very last day of shooting when he was done. And then he was sweet as pie to everybody. And just a regular guy, you know? So when you guys wrapped the movie, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, when you guys wrapped, he went into like, he went from being like, he went from being that to being like, hey, how you doing? What's going on? Exactly. Wow. It's nice to finally meet you. What a trip. Wow. What a trip. Method acting, man. I admire his commitment. And his commitment in life, too. I mean, everything he can do.

2:31:46Got to admire that. A lot of people are sitting on the couch. Yeah. Were there any stories that you have that happened off camera that were fun that you could tell us about? No. Nothing I remember. We all hung out as a group. If you look at the film and you see who worked with who kind of hung out in their own group, nobody was a big star. There was no... big egos or anything. It was a lot of fun. And he would be telling stories about how he would, you know, when he wrote this, a five-point plan. Oh, brilliant. He said, you know, I was sitting in a restaurant with these guys because, you know, he went back to high school. Right. And he enrolled as a senior. Wow. Here in San Diego, right? Did he do it in San Diego? He did it in San Diego. Wow. And he didn't tell anyone he was a writer. And so he spent

2:33:03the year as a senior when he was 22 years old, and, you know, he'd be sitting having a pizza with these guys, and someone would say, you know, here's my, you know, wherever you are, have a place to be. I'd run into the bathroom, and I'd break that out on a man. Isn't this great? Wow. I can't imagine going and enrolling in high school. I know. I think that's why it resonates, because there's a lot of truth in it. Yeah. Well, I mean... Absolutely. Like I said, it was one of those first movies that was really, it was very real. I will be watching Fast Times later today because of this conversation. Okay, now I want to watch it again. I know, because we're talking to Robert Romanis, who played Damone. It was Mike Damone, but everybody knows the character as Damone. Damone. Damone. Well, listen, it was great to talk to you, Robert, and we appreciate you taking the time to come on the air with us. Definitely in one of the most beloved movies ever, man. Fast Times is just one of those movies everybody loves. Well, thank you very much. And I want to give a little shout out to Katie Bartholomew, a friend of mine out there. She lives here? She's doing good, yeah. She lives in San Diego? She does, yeah. She lives in Carlsbad. Right on. Carlsbad. Yep. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And just want to wish her a happy new year. And you guys a happy new year, too. Thank you. Robert, you in L.A.?

2:34:32Yeah. Right on. Right on. All right, Robert, we appreciate it, man. It was fun kind of talking about the movie with you. Thank you. All right. All right, man. Take care now. Later, man. Robert Romanis. Rad. Damone. It's the greatest. Hey, Ratner. What does he say when he puts the wallet down on the table when Ratner forgets his wallet? Hey, you forgot this. No, I think you lost your wife. I think you lost your wallet. Yeah, come for the strudel. It's great. I know every word, and I will watch it today without question. He is such a nice guy. You know more of the script than Robert does. How many people ran out and bought vans after they saw that? Oh, yeah. The checkered vans? Dude, it's such a trip because I... I really bought that that was Sean Penn. You know, that Sean Penn was that guy. So when the first time you saw Sean Penn in a movie outside of being Spicoli. A serious role. It was weird. Yeah. It was really, really weird. And, you know, I thought that's just, I thought Spicoli was who Sean Penn was at that time in his life. I didn't know he was really acting that much, you know. The fun part to play. 570-1949 is our number.

2:35:50And if you want to give us a call, you can call us. We're good on time. Oh, good. Do you think he thought we were like the most random people? Probably. You know what? I'll tell you. You know, if you listen back to the podcast, you'll notice this. Nobody would notice this unless I told you. And then when you listen back to it, you'll go, oh, when we very first start talking to him, he would say a word or two and then he'd stop abruptly. You know why he was doing that? He was checking to see if we were messing with him. Oh, really? He was checking to see, like... Who would do that? I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. He's on, you know, Putsy and Mutsy and El Paso will ask him to come on so that they can jack with him. Wow, dude, that's weak. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's weak. So you'll notice. Listen back to the interview. I will. He'll say a couple of words, and then he'll stop and he'll pause to see, like, is there sound effects being played? Yeah. Is there, like...

2:36:47You know, are you, is there, you guys making little comments? Yeah, sniggling behind my back. But then he got it a few minutes in. He figured out, oh, they're normal. They're real. And they're fans. Yeah, they really like the movie and they're not jacking. I would love to sit with that dude for an hour and just talk to him. He seems great. I Googled a picture of what he looks like now. Yeah, he looks the same. He kind of looks the same. I know he's got a website, robertromanis.com. Sounds like that. And he's got a band. He's got a band. He's in a band called Papa's Kitchen and it's papaskitchen.net. What kind of music? He actually plays drums. He plays stand-up bass. Maybe we should have asked him what he's doing now. Which is really hard. I know. He's still acting. He was in, I was telling you guys this morning, I watched The Runaways, the Joan Jett movie. Oh, yeah. And Kristen Stewart plays Joan Jett. And I'm watching the movie and I go, I was watching it with Jamie and I go, oh, wow, that's Damone. That's Damone. And he's teaching her how to play guitar in the movie. Wow. Yeah, I'm looking on. Right now, I'm looking on the imdb.com. And he's been in a lot of TV shows. He... Let's see. I made you a one-sheeter. You should have it on there. Did you? Yeah, yeah. For sure. Kid Takes Care Biz. You know that. Dude. Oh, I missed it. I missed your one-sheet. There it is. Ah, darn it. I wish I had seen this. It shows you what a good interviewer you are. You don't even need the one-sheet, pal. I hadn't seen it.

2:38:14A sheet with facts about who he's interviewing. Yeah, one sheet is... Just one sheet. Like bullet points. The way that I prefer to do interviews is I don't want any questions. I just want information about them. But yeah, he was on Chips, 21 Jump Street, Alien Nation, MacGyver, Providence, Will & Grace, my own worst enemy. I have got to see it today. He's done a lot. He's done some directing. He's written some stuff. I mean, listen, the guy out of that movie, there's a lot of guys that went on and did stuff. He probably wasn't as big a success as those people. Typecast. Typecast. That guy stole the movie. It's his movie, period. You watch that movie, you're like, yep, Damone is the greatest character. All right. How come a bunch of, like, thousands of birds and fish are showing up dead in Arkansas? Good idea. Well, in the beginning, it seemed like it's a normal story. Tell you this. Elle, are you going to join us today? Oh, boy. When I was leaving the restroom, she was running in. She'll be right here. No? We don't have much time. Yeah, but it's shorter.

2:39:44She went down to the coffee shop, especially when you just wait to the very last minute to go. Got a grapefruit in half, sprinkle some sugar on there. You ever do that bit? Yes. That's the only way I can eat grapefruit. I put salt on it. Of course you do. It's disgusting. You put salt on everything. Not salt, just grapefruit in general. I also melt a slice of cheddar cheese over my apple pie. Oh, that is good. That's disgusting. That is good. That's not good. It is not good. You should try it. I will. It's really not good. It's sour. You know what I don't like is grapefruit juice. I like all of it. I like it with vodka. I like things that are sweet or sour. Do you know what I can drink that disgusts people? And I enjoy it. Prune juice. Will you please tell everybody what you ate over the break that you told me about when I retched in my car? Remember that? That Nita that the Hungarian people eat? You spread it on crackers. It was so gross. I have no idea what you're talking about. It was like pork cheese or something. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pork cheese. Pork cheese. What does that mean? Yeah, exactly. Nita came home and she had gone to a Hungarian market. Nita is our Hungarian. She's from Budapest. And she's our nanny. And she went out to a Hungarian market. This is going to disgust you. It's repugnant.

2:41:10Get ready. It's going to disgust you. I'm already grossed out. Brace yourselves. I don't even know. Oh, L.O.B. I retched when he told me. I went. L.O.B., this is going to be tough for you. Oh, boy. Bring it. It is parts of the pig's face, snout, ear, face. Okay. Okay. And then what they do is they, you know, like when you put soup in the refrigerator overnight and it forms like that jelly. Yeah. It's all inside of that jelly, you know? And you cut it up and you put it on crackers and you eat it. Oh, look at L.O.B. Look at Sienna. Look at L.O.B. Look at Sienna. Look at L.O.B. Look at Sienna. Look at L.O.B. Look at Sienna. I can see that L.O.B. genuinely got saliva in her mouth. Saliva in her glands. Gross. Who thought of that? I wonder exactly why someone said, ooh, this would be good. It's like hogshead cheese or whatever. Here's the thing, guys. One year ago.

2:42:09I would have never tried it. But I started watching Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmer. Such a clown. And he goes around the world and eats really filthy things. And he says, you've always got to try everything. That one thing, you've got to try it twice. If you take a bite and it's disgusting, take one more bite. You've got to try everything twice. How would you do that? Well, a lot of the times your mind is telling you it's gross. And you don't even taste it. Because of what it is. And you know what? The truth is, is that this stuff. was good and i craved it i was like and i never would have ate it ever i think i think you want to be and like when i watch baseball i practice i like do jeter jeter swings i'll be honest i thought in your head you might have been playing like i'm andrew zimmern and i'm here eating pork cheese i would be completely honest with you and i would say yes i do or no i don't no what he's done is he's taught me oh you don't have to be freaked out It's actually not bad. I've been conditioned to think that's disgusting, but it actually tastes good. What about the blood milk thing where they stab the cow? Would you do that? No. Can I tell you about that? Yeah. It's filthy. It is. I want to hear it. Can I tell you? Yes. They have a rubber band, and they spread their fingers apart and stretch the rubber band, and at the end of the rubber band is a really, really sharp needle. And they go to the cow, and they go,

2:43:36And it pierces them and they don't even feel it. And they don't. I'm telling you, they don't move. They don't feel it. Yeah, you've seen it. And it's so sharp. I've seen it. And then they take this little bamboo container and they let the fresh cow blood pour into the container. And then they take a little piece of mud and they go and they stick it on the cow to heal it. And then they take that little bamboo thing with the blood in it and they go right to the teat. And they put fresh milk in there. Then they have a stick. And they put the stick in. They go clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk. Make sure it doesn't clot. Yeah, they're churning it. And because it's fresh blood and it's got fresh platelets in it, it does clot. And the clotting is the best part for the children. They love it.

2:44:30So they hand the stick to the children, and the children go... Like human children? Human children. The human children will take the stick, and they go... Let me lick the stick. And they lick the stick clean. Like when your mom used to make cupcakes, and you'd lick the spoon. And you'd lick the spoon. And then you'd take that bamboo thing, Sienna, with milk and blood, and you'd go... But why the blood? Why the blood? It's good for you. It fills your stomach. And it's good for you. And it's got lots of minerals. Yeah, a lot of minerals. I had a girlfriend in college. And her mother was so iron deficient that they used to make steaks. She would drink the blood out of the styrofoam container. Oh, wow. Look at L.O.V. Look at L.O.V. That got her. That got her. She used to drink the blood. That got her. She threw up her hands like, oh, why? She gave up. It was like, I freaking give up. I quit. When she told me that, I was like. Maybe you take an iron pill. Maybe you take a pill with iron in it. Like a mouthful of pennies. Yeah, seriously. I want to eat some of them chitlins. I love pig's teeth. Wait, so when Nita came home from the Hungarian market, did she say, I want you to try this? She said, I have something. It is disgusting. Because she's a vegetarian. She knows it's disgusting? She's vegetarian. But she said, in Budapest, men love this. They eat it so much.

2:45:52So she got it for you. Oh, she got it for me. And so you had to eat it. Oh, no, no. I was in. I was in. Now, had I not watched Andrew Zimmern for the last year, I would have... pretended like I was really appreciative. You had to eat it in front of her, though. Oh, I did. Well, a year ago you would have had to. I would not have eaten it in front of her. I'll get to it. I would have gone like this. I would have gone, oh, I probably would have gone, oh, I'm not hungry right now, but I really want to try it. Can you put it in the refrigerator? And then I'd throw it away. As it was, I ate from this thing for like, in the next couple of days, I would go in there, take it out of the refrigerator, and I'd put it in crackers. Is she still out of town? No. That's okay. You can. Well, she had a Hungarian candy that was there, and I went over for Christmas. I didn't try it. Was it too sweet? I said, Nita, what is this? And she said, you know, the same. This is in my country. They love this, but it is too sweet for me. And I tried it. It wasn't sweet. It tasted like... I took two bites, and I went...

2:47:01And I turned my back and went. Was it like a hard candy or something? No, it was like chocolatey. Oh, I did taste it. I didn't think it was bad. Woods has a weak stomach. I do have a weak stomach, man. Woods is very finicky. I'm like, that's why I won't travel to Europe. You're a picky eater. I'm not picky, though. Woods. I'm American. I eat American food. Woods, you're so finicky. I'm not like chocolate cake. I do like chocolate cake. I do. I prefer, I'll eat it because I'm fat, but I prefer vanilla. Vanilla. Vanilla. I'm not finicky, dude. Yeah, you are. You're the opposite of adventurous when it comes to eating. You will not try. But I'm not picky. Okay. Yes, you are. Isn't that the definition? No, it's not. Because I'll tell you, we go pick a restaurant. I'll find something at every single restaurant. They complain about it the whole time. Yeah, I'll bitch about it, but it's kind of a joke. Okay, Royal India. It's kind of a joke. Oh, no, I don't eat it. Really? I ate American food. I ate American food. Ethiopian. They don't even have food over there. Right, see, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. You won't eat it unless it's American. The Mexican food place that we love and get food from all the time, you're like, I'm done, I'm never eating it again. You know why? Because I freaking eat it all the time. I'm tired of it. You don't like authentic Mexican food. How many times do I eat El Portalo?

2:48:24You don't like it. No, I like El Portal. I'm just tired of it. I'm not a picky eater. Oh, that's strange because I could have sworn that you've said, I don't know, maybe a million times, yeah, dude, if I wanted authentic, I'd go to Mexico. Oh, yeah, I've said it. That's not authentic. I get breakfast there. It's eggs and cheese and potatoes. Maki. I don't get enchiladas for breakfast like yourself. I like Tex-Mix. I do like Tex-Mix. The Mexican food here is not my favorite. Yeah, because it's authentic and you don't like that. Yeah, if I wanted authentic, I'd go to Mexico. There you go. M1, cat from El Cajon. What was the word of the day? Grapefruit. That is correct. You just won yourself a four-pack of tickets to San Diego Safari Park, formerly known as the Wild Animal Park. That's worth $160. Yeah, cool. And you're qualified for the drawing for a two-night stay in Laughlin, Nevada. Fabulous. That's right. Yeah. Laughlin, Nevada. It's like you own the place. I've heard that. There you go. Hang on the line, please. Thank you. I've heard that. That was great. Nailed it. Any of you guys ever own a toy that talked? Yes. Oh, yeah. You did? A little, I think. Jay? I told you the story about the doll that we got. That's a great story. Tell it again. We got Kim's grandmother.

2:49:53Got this doll. And it's the doll that has the arms that are out and its eyes, you know, lay it down, the eyes open and close. Yeah. And it would say, I want to play with you. And I was like, oh, okay, cool. And then we thought it'd be fun for the kids. But we got tired of this doll talking, so we took the batteries out. The doll continued to talk. Oh. The doll went out to the trash. Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. It was like, okay, see you later, doll. It continues to talk with batteries, but no batteries. You know why I asked? Because this last weekend was a Twilight Zone marathon. Old Twilight Zone. I'm a big fan. I got them on DVD. Oh, they're the scariest. Scary, man. Yeah. Scariest one I ever, and I've seen them all. I don't think you guys know this about me. I'm a big fan of the Twilight Zone. I've got a book called The Twilight Zone Companion. Greetings. Write that down, by the way. It's got every episode. For sure. It's got its release date. It's got the monologue. Synopsis. The synopsis. It's got what Rod Serling said to open it. Scariest episode I ever saw. Living Doll with Talking Tina. She's a lucky Tina. Will you shut that thing off? Telly Savalas. My name is Talking Tina.

2:51:23and I think I could even hate you. Oh. My name is Talkie Tina, and you'll be sorry. Be a good girl, Tina, and eat your supper. Eat your own supper, Christy. My name is Talkie Tina, and I'm beginning to hate you. My name is Eric Strader, and I'm going to get rid of you. You wouldn't dare. I don't. He's sawing. He's trying to saw off the head. The doll trips him on the stairs. The heart player plays. It's crawling. Mine too. That episode scared me so much.

2:53:07So bad. When you were little? Still does. I'm 40 years of age. It still scares me. They made that child's play movie after the My Buddy dolls came out. Yeah. They made it look just like the My Buddy and the kid sister. The first one was scary. My grandma let me watch that when I was four. Oh, God. Are you serious? Yeah, my mom was mad when we were in Cabo. Let me tell you. Of course. If somebody let my four-year-old watch something scary like that, I'd flip my lid. Jake would lose his mind if you saw that. That and Dark Shadows. Do you remember that show Dark Shadows? Oh, yeah. Oh, that was a scary show. I think I even have the music to Dark Shadows. You don't remember Dark Shadows? Uh-uh. Oh, scary. Do you guys remember Night Gallery? Oh, Night Gallery. Oh, no. Dude, let me explain. Rod Serling did Night Gallery in the 70s after the run of Twilight Zone had ended. And it was in color, you know, because Twilight Zone was in black and white. And the idea behind Night Gallery was Rod Serling in the same creepy business suit standing in an art gallery, a dark art gallery. And he would stand in front of an oil painting. Oh, the worst. They're always creepy. Oil paintings. Oh, God.

2:54:21He would start to tell you a story about this painting and tell you what the idea behind the painting was. And the painting would come life. Oh, boy. I would hate it. I would be scared to death. Oh, dude, it used to scare me so bad. I don't like being scared anymore. I don't like scary movies anymore. I don't like it. I don't like it anymore, dude. I don't want to watch. I torture myself by doing it. I can't even do that. We try. The only kind I can watch that doesn't creep me out is I can still watch scary stuff if it's scary science fiction because I know that that's BS. This is one for you. There's a new movie with Anthony Hopkins coming out. He plays a priest where he's exercising. devil, exercising demons. That's the worst of it all. It scares the crap out of me. In my world, that stuff's real. So that's why I can watch a space aliens, because to me that stuff's not real.

2:55:22Gosh, I just watched this movie called The Fourth Kind. Yeah, I saw you Twitter about it. I was scared. Was it scary or was it cheesy scary? No, I heard that that is like the... Paranormal activity? Of space movies. I won't watch it. Paranormal? Kim's like, I haven't seen it. Kim's like, thanks. After we watched it, she's like, thanks. Because, I mean, it's done where they ideally use real footage of what went on. And so they go in and out of the real footage, and you're like, I don't know what's real, what's fake anymore. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen, bar none, Exorcist? Yeah. There's that, and then there's everything else. The Shining is pretty scary. It's pretty good. You? I don't know. Blair Witch Project. Really? I'm scared of everything. Scream. That was a scary movie. Blair Witch was scary. Mine was The Boggy Creek Monster. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's old. It's a silent film. It's a silent film. Before the talkies. I have two that are tied. The Exorcist. And you know what scared the crap out of me? The Ring. Oh, you scared me. I saw it at the theater. I almost peed my bed. This is the stupidest movie, but it terrified me for life.

2:56:26Orphan. Oh, yeah. Never saw it. It's so scary. How about the first alien? She's a woman. Alien was scary. She's a woman. Hey, did I tell you the Rachel story about the ring? No. Oh, boy. Russ and Rachel. From Friends? From Friends. Phoebe and Monica. Chandler. And Joey. Local perk. Coffee perk. Local perk. Local perk. Did you hear that? Local perk. Local perk. So Jay. Every time I say my friends Russ and Rachel, I have to give it five minutes for these clowns to get all their friends' references out of their system. Was it Marcel the monkey there? Oh, boy. What about their daughter, Emma? Oh, wow. Keegan at New School? So anyway. Rachel sees the ring and goes to bed and hears a noise. And she goes downstairs and her TV's on. Oh, gosh. And it's snow. And she said that she wanted to die. She was alone? She was alone. Oh, gosh. She was alone. I had one of those moments the other day. The hair on my arm. Yeah. You got goosebumps. When she told us that.

2:57:47And she said that it scared her so bad she was crying. Oh, yeah. Yeah. How did that happen? We have about a billion explanations that make sense. And I think it was probably somebody in her building that had a remote that matched it. Because it happened to me once in Dallas. It was in an apartment. She was in an apartment. Okay. Because the house, there's no explanation. But still, it was snow. Snow. Like, when did you ever get that? Yeah. Somebody turned the cable box off or something. That was like when I saw The Exorcism of Emily Rose. I heard that was petrifying. For a couple nights, I woke up at 3.33 and I was like, oh. Is that happening in the movie? You know what really made me mad? You know what really made me mad? They were showing previews for that during football. They were? Yeah, dude. And it really ticked me off because I'm like, man. It's just scary. Kids, man. And they would show the scary scenes from this. They showed some scary scenes. Scary scenes in the trailers. Oh, yeah. That was the trailer. Oh, that upset Rebecca so bad. We went to the movie, and we went to see Inception. And during the previews, they showed that preview. Was it where they were walking real funny? Yes, dude. Crawling with the legs all bent the wrong way? Was it little kids? Scary. That was scary. Yeah, it was. Little kids freaked me out. Yeah, me too. Hello, Danny.

2:59:10Oh, my God. Come and play with us, dummy. That was the scariest. The twins. Rebecca's never gone further than that scene in The Shining. She can't get past it. The old lady in the tub, I'm scarred. Rebecca says she's never seen the old lady in the tub in The Shining because the twins come before it. So Mickey Rourke, speaking of actors, is going all out for his next movie role. Wait till I tell you. what he is going to do to his own body for this role. And also, we will tell you, why are thousands of birds and fish showing up dead in Arkansas? Next. Oh, I didn't have a song prepared. My bad. Let's see what you missed. I didn't miss any. I think you did. No, I'm supposed to play two on my own. Oh, yeah, that's right. Remember? It's all right. I'll give you my favorite band in the world, Starfield. They're my favorite band in the world. Starfield. I like this one. I like his voice a lot, the guy that sings for this band. The other day, Rebecca brought up a Facebook question that you had, Woods. Your favorite song ever of all time. I said, what is the most perfect song ever written? And I had two. Both Brian Wilson songs, In My Room and God Only Knows. Just from beginning to end.

3:01:01Perfection. Lyrics, music, the whole thing. Rebecca's was a Fiona Apple song. Nice. But very close second was a Starfield song. There were some interesting takes in there from some people. I bet. I said happy birthday. That's a good one, L.O.B. It was a bit. I figured. Happy birthday, she writes. What was yours, L.O.B.? I said happy birthday. Just the song happy birthday? Do you have one? I mean, that would take some digging. One doesn't just come to my mind. Boy, those two come right to the forefront. That's what the deal was with me. When she said that, I go, over my head, Starfield. And she said, that's my second one. Really? That's your most perfect song ever written? The deal is that at the end of this song, he does this thing. And they're a Christian band. But he does this thing at the end of the song where he doesn't repeat one lyric. And he's just saying this stuff. And it's just all pouring out of his heart. And he doesn't repeat anything. And it just goes on and on and on. Now, was it pre-written? I don't know. I don't know. But if it was, it's still cool because there's not a... See, my question wasn't so much of like, what is your favorite song that evokes an emotion from you? It's like, what do you think is the most perfect? And that was her deal because musically, the music is so beautiful to this song.

3:02:25But lyrically, it's like, for her and I, it's like, it just breaks our heart. Yeah, yeah. In a good way. Yeah. And his voice kills. Sounds like a sharp dude. Is he a sharp guy? Yeah. Sounds like it. This is my favorite band in the world. Perfect song. I like that. Yep. What is the perfect song to you? I like... My Immortal by Evanescence. That's a really beautiful song. Which one's that one? Evanescence, My Immortal is... That's not Wake Me Up Inside, is it? No, it's... She does it in that, like... Oh, dude, you know that song, Woodsy. Here, look. That's a good song, L.O.V. It's really pretty. She's one of the only singers, chick singer, in a rock band that I dig, and the reason that I do is because she doesn't try to be a guy.

3:03:43She doesn't try to sing like Cookie Monster. Like Lita Ford? Yeah, she sings a girl. She's not trying to be tough. Yeah, she's not trying to be tough. You hate the tough woman, man. Oh, dude, it's so lame. Joan Jett is lame to me. I like some Joan Jett songs, but... See, she is a chick still. Incredible voice. Incredible voice. I don't know that song. You don't know? Wow. Really? I sure don't. Oh, dude, you'd like it. That was a big hit. Beautiful song. It's good. It's one of those breakup songs that I listened to about 87 times in a row. You think she tries to tell people stuff when she breaks up with them through music? Mickey Rourke is going to remove his two front teeth.

3:04:41For a role in a movie. Badass. How crazy is that? I love him. Love him. Must pay good. Yeah, he's playing a rugby star, Gareth Thomas. Gareth. Gareth. Thomas. Gareth. Gareth. Yeah, he was the first openly gay rugby star. And he's even taking speech lessons so he can get the accent down perfect. Really? I read about that story in GQ. It's fascinating. That was fantastic. Mickey Rourke. Is amazing. He's incredible. He's incredible. Doesn't matter what he's in. I've loved him forever. Isn't he a big comeback? Wasn't he gone for a long time? The Wrestler, man. If you haven't seen The Wrestler, gosh, go see The Wrestler. It's a great movie. It's phenomenal. It's like a documentary. It's like watching a documentary. Yeah. You seen it, Hillary? Yeah, I loved it. So good. He freaks me out, though. I have a hard time looking at him anymore because he was so hot back in the day and kind of a creepy hot. Diner and stuff. Yeah. And now he has so much plastic surgery, it is hard to look at. He's like a Beverly Hills wife or something. Yeah, he is. He's like a Beverly Hills housewife. You seen The Wrestler, Elleby? No, I haven't seen it yet. Let's go see it.

3:05:47It is. It's like a documentary. He's great. He's a good mindset for us. Sunday afternoon. A little hungover. Throw the wrestler in. That. Yeah, but. This scene right here. He's locked out of his trailer because he didn't pay the rent. He just finished a match. He's in a van. At like a YMCA. At like a YMCA. Elementary school, I think. I'm not kidding. He used to be a giant star. He was like Hulk Hogan-esque. He goes. He locked. Come on, man. Let me in, man. Guy won't let him in. Guy gets in his van. See him open a bottle of pills, pour some pills in his hand. Takes this big, tall boy. His body is just torn up. Yeah, he takes steroids to try to stay in it. And you can tell he has a genuine love for it. Loves it. But at the same time, he's like breaking, you know, his body's old. He's broken. He doesn't know what else to do. There's nothing else to do for him. Every time it's on, I'm like, well, here we go. Sounds like a crazy heart. It creeps me out when he bleaches his hair. Yeah, he bleaches his own hair. Oh, that's right. It is like Crazy Heart, but I'd say The Wrestler's even more intense. Yeah, it is. Crazy Heart was...

3:06:53Makes you feel for him. You feel like you're like, dude, just come stay at my house. I know. Come crash, man. It's fine. We've got an extra room, dude. Just come in, man. Just come to the house, man. I'll see if Mikey will let you come in and do some work around the studio for us. I'll get you a gig. It's fine. Quit the job at that grocery store. Because it's killing me to watch you put potato salad in that little container and give it to that woman. The woman is never happy with how much you put in there. My heart breaks when I watch that movie. That's how good it is. It sounds heartbreaking. Crazy Heart where the little boy goes missing. That's how I felt the entire time. The entire movie. I know. Sienna, why are thousands of birds and fish showing up dead in Arkansas? That's a really good question. No one really knows. They just are. This is nuts. Reports right now on CNN and stuff, you'll see that they're saying these birds had massive trauma. But there's a reason why they're all falling out of the sky and dead on the ground. So they're saying, you know, it happened on New Year's Eve. I mean, people literally woke up and they're everywhere, the same kind of bird. And they're saying, you know, maybe they were hit by lightning or high altitude hail. Maybe there were fireworks and it spooked the birds and, you know, it freaked them out and they had a cardiac arrest. I know what it is. In Dallas, there was this thing that happened that I would like mention to people. I go, have you noticed this? Birds would get hit by cars.

3:08:13They'd like fly right in front of your car. Happen to me all the time. And you'd be like, what is going on? Like these birds are like suicidal. They don't get it. No, you know what it was? They were eating these little berries and the berries were fermenting in their stomach. It was making them drunk. Yeah, but that's really sad. But this is all happening in one day. They woke up one morning and thousands were on the ground. I mean, just bam. Probably aliens. And not just birds. Of course they are. Fish too. Fish 2. On the surface, it seemed like just a normal story, as if strange happenings and occurrences were all happening in one town. But upon further investigation, it turned out that former lead singer of Van Halen, Sammy Hagar, had just played a concert in town. Fish 2? Yeah, okay, now the birds... Yes. The birds were in Bibi or Biba or something, Arkansas. Bibi. Bibi? Okay. Sure. Arkansas. I don't know. And I guess nearby is Ozark. And that's where the fish have been found dead. Wow. Something's going on. Other people are like, maybe the Mayans were onto something. The Mayans? Mayan calendar, 2012. Really?

3:09:34If this is my last year, I'm going to blow it out. I'm telling you right now. I'm going to blow it out. You might as well prepare, though. I'm just going to tell you. And how do you prepare? What do we do? Buy water. A lot of canned food. Captain Morgan. Real good. Buy some protection. My husband still makes fun of me because I bought, like, a bunch of big gallon jugs of water when it was turning from 99 to 2000. Oh, my God. I had them in my kitchen. So many people did. I was like, you never know. Y2K. So funny. You know Y2K? I had just graduated college, and they said, they looked around the office building. I was brand new, and they said, hey, somebody needs to come in on Y2K to make sure that all the computers start. And you remember the bit? Everybody was scared of death. Yeah. They're like. Woods, I had to wake up at 6 in the morning on New Year's Day after the Millennium Party. Oh, my gosh. I slept for 15 minutes the night before and walked 20 blocks to the office and was like. I was the guy. I was the Y2K guy. It's awful. It's brutal. I was the Y2K guy. I was. I remember my girlfriend was in. She's like, are you really going to do this? I'm like, I don't know how to do this. It's my first job. Like stumbling down to the office.

3:10:53And I walk in and go, yep, everything's fine. They were probably pranking you. No, they weren't. Everybody was concerned. They thought that the world was going to stop computers because they weren't prepared. The clocks weren't prepared. I remember sitting there going, come on, man. Bam! Okay, I'm done. They wrote all these programs to make it go from 1 to 2. Hillary, what do you have coming out? Well, I grabbed the black keys because that song Howlin' for you, I haven't played it since I... Got back on the air from my vacation, and I love it. We've been on a big Dan Auerbach, Black Rock, Black Keys cake at our house. Florence and the Machine, Cracker, some Muse, the Ramones. Hey, by the way, I wanted to let people know about FM 94.9's fourth annual Big Bear weekend. This thing's a blowout. Yes. January 21st through the 23rd, and...

3:11:48It costs $200, so it's $50 a person. And here's what it includes. You get a two-night stay at Northwoods Resort in Big Bear, which is a $250 value in and of itself. Two days' worth of Lyft tickets. For you and three friends. Party at Chad's place on Saturday night. That's not a guy's house. It's a bar and it's nothing but trouble. It's not a guy named Chad. Plus goggles, glasses, and gear from Dragon Alliance Eyewear. And Jay will be there too. Killer. How about that? Going to get some. Oh, wow. She is, obviously. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next. We'll see you tomorrow morning at 6. Mikey Shazelle. Mate.