The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 01/05/11

0:00KBZT San Diego, the Lincoln Financial Media Station. The new home of The Mikey Show. This is FM 94.9. It's The Mikey Show. Open phones, the beginning and end of every show. So call 570-1949 and text 949mikey at gmail.com. Jam-packed as usual. Jam-packed show for you today. We have... Hoyle coming in this morning at 8 because he wants to play us a recording of him doing some karaoke. He says he's really good at it. And I think the deal is that he's looking for a contract outside of radio to be a singer. Good luck. He doesn't really have a contract here either. That's true. Not that I know of. I don't know of him to actually have a contract.

2:08I don't really know what he's talking about. He just kind of lurks around. Yeah, he does. He does. The word of the day, sapphire. If you hear me say... It's weird because... I'm designing a bracelet. Sienna is the one that decides what the words are. Yes. Well, if you hear me say sapphire between now and 10, you get a four-pack of tickets to the San Diego Safari Park, which used to be known as the Wild Animal Park. And you're also put into a drawing for two nights stay in Laughlin, Nevada, along with a $50 gift card. Laughlin, Nevada. It's like you own the place. So there you go. Pretty cool thing. Friday, somebody's going to win that sucker. Oh, yeah. Okay. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I'm 40 years old. Woodsy's our sports guy. He's 35. L.O.B. is Lauren O'Brien. She's our assistant producer. She's 30. Our girl, Sienna, she does news for us, and she's 25. We're all five years apart except for Jack. That's right. Jay's 47. He's our producer. Yeah. And phone screening for us today is Chris.

3:23I thought that Chris was in school and couldn't. He's back. He's back. Well, hopefully he dropped out and he's just going to be working with us when he can. Yeah. Poor guy came in. His eyes are all puffy. I'm like, have you been sleeping? He's like, no. He works all the time in his school. I feel so bad. Oh, wow. He's dedicated. Look at him. He's like, don't feel bad. He's giving me this thing like, I wasn't tired. She's saying that. You guys will be running a company someday. He should, yes. He's got that work ethic. Running the country. He's driven. I'd vote for the kid. I would too. That's right. Okay, so here are the things that are going on in the world. The Mount Soledad cross is back again. Oh, my gosh. For 20 years, this debate has been going on and on and on. For those of you that don't know, there's a big, white, beautiful cross up on Mount Soledad. And they've been going back and forth with lawsuits. Take it down because it doesn't represent all religions. It's a cross. And then there are people that go.

4:25Yes, you know, it should stay because it's been there forever and give us a break. And, you know, it just keeps going back and forth, back and forth. Yep. For 20 years. For 20 years. And the thing that's just irritating to me about it is that as soon as one gets a victory, then the other one files a petition to stop that. And then it goes back. You know, just make a ruling for crying out loud and let that be the end of it. Yeah. Maybe you worry about what's going on under your own roof. Right. I feel the same way about, like, you can't say Christmas. I know. I'm like, come on. It is. So, anyway, it was back in court yesterday, Federal Appeals Court, and they ruled that the Mount Soledad Cross is an unconstitutional sign of government favoring religion. Yes, and this battle is... Far from over. So we'll be hearing more about it. But, yep, taking another turn. G-I-T. Yeah. Well, of course, Git. And the reason is because, you know, think of how much time you have to invest into that. I mean, hey, listen, if that's your thing and you find that that's your calling in life, so be it. Your calling in life is to get a cross taken down. Okay. My deal is...

5:42There are so many ways that you could be spending your time and resources. Okay, that's your bit. That's your thing. I'm just thinking, man, it seems like there are other things that you could be saving lives or you could be whatever. Helping kids, the homeless. Complaining about a radio station. So many names. Yes, you could be protesting a morning show. This article I have, it has like a whole timeline of the cross's life. And it says in 1913 is when it was put on Mount Soledad. I remember that. It's cool. Yeah, you were just wrapping up your ninth child. And it's just, I mean, every year it's like something has happened to it. I mean, it was declared a public park in 1916. In 1923, vandals destroyed it. It was rebuilt. I mean, this poor cross has had a beating of a life for almost 100 years. It's been through a lot. People vandalized it? Yes. They tore it down and they had to rebuild it. Good lord. And then it's been dedicated, you know, a war memorial. A lot of good has come out of this cross. Oh, wow.

6:54Happy New Year. Yeah. Hey, Captain Buzzkill. Why did it take you three days to call in? I know. Why did it take me three days to call in? Yeah, that's what I said. Maybe it took me three days to call in because I'm doing things that are more important. Like what? Like trying to get you kicked off the radio. That's not going to happen. All of you. That's not going to happen, but thanks for trying. It's a noble cause. It is a noble cause. Maybe you go save some kids or something. Actually, you need to probably stay away from kids. I think he has to stay away from kids. Oh, yes. It's probably in the decree. Yeah. Oh, maybe you give me a reason to show you because you're saying Kyle Harmer. No. Not saying anything. If you're reading that into that, that's your twisted thoughts. Yeah, exactly. You're twisted. I just was calling to state my opinion. About the Mount Soledad? Do you just protest stuff just to protest stuff? No, I protest them. What's your reason? What would? What would be better? Do you have an alternative? Yes. What? A round circle that represents everyone. The circle of life. The circle of life. You've been watching The Lion King real good? The circle kind of offends me. Maybe we put Mufasa. Okay. I'd be on board. We don't even have lions here.

8:18Or maybe the insignia for Star Trek. No. Now that definitely doesn't represent all people, and I would probably protest that. You're right, Steven. I know. Who's Steven? And maybe we just take it down so that we don't defend anybody and we don't put anything there. There doesn't have to be anything. Yeah, just don't worry about it. How often do you see it? You get out of your house like twice a year. What was that? Faded out there. He's eating Pop-Tarts or something. Yeah, why don't you swallow what you're eating and then call? You know, you guys, the only reason that I'm still listening to this shit is because I didn't get what I wanted for Christmas. What was that? Life? A date? Very funny. I forgot. Intercourse? Friends. Contrary popular belief, I have plenty of that. Steven? Really? Emanuel.

9:20With a real life person? I'm talking about with a real woman. Yeah. I have a girlfriend. What's her name? Sally. What's her birthday? Sally? You forgot. I forgot her birthday. What does she look like? That doesn't make her any less name. What does she look like? She's plastic. She's plastic. That's what I thought. Exactly. She's called the living doll. She's beautiful. The living doll. That's really creepy. That's disgusting. She's got a shocked look on her face. Yeah. We don't make love. Just fondle? We're friends. You're friends with the plastic. Anyway, I'm going to petition to have you guys taken off the radio at the same time. We know. Get in line. At the same time that the cross is taken down. All people that use what I want to do say aye. Aye. That was just that. You did that. people at my house. No, you know in there. Hold the phone away from your mouth. Nobody's ever been over there. You know that. I am going to move just to Jagger and Christine. You should do that. What did you do for the two weeks that we were off? Old podcast of Jagger and Christine. And of the Mikey show. Only so that I could write down infractions. Federal communication. What did you think of our Mikey-thon 28-hour show that we did? Oh, you mean the misery where you didn't...

10:5228 hours that I had to do? Yes. You didn't sleep, did you? It was the lamest thing I ever lived 27 hours. What happened to the other hour? I had to take an hour off because my hand got tired of writing everything down. All the infractions. Great. You may be kicked off the radio as soon as the FCC gets my letters. Do your worst. Maybe get a job. Do your worst. Do my worst? What does that mean? It means do your worst. What do you mean? I mean, do whatever you gotta do. Bring it. Bring it. You know what? Captain. Captain. Hang it up. Is his name again Walter? Can he do it? I just call him Captain. Hang it. Oh. His name is Walter. Heavy ears. Nobody cares. That heavy ears. Ah, young. What does that mean for those of you that have ears? I think everybody knows. Covers most of the population.

11:54Hey, Jay, is there any more of those Mikeython t-shirts? Did you guys get a Mikeython t-shirt? I want to get one. I know, me too. This is the only one I think that I got. I got this one that I brought up to show you. It's skin tight. It's not skin tight. Looks good. Baby tea. Yeah. Extra small. Hey, Sienna, why did the tax filing deadline get pushed back three days? So what, it's the 18th of April now? It is, yeah, the 18th of April because it's Emancipation Day on Friday, April 15th, which is, you know, when President Lincoln signed the law and ended slavery. Yeah. And so because that falls on that day by... By law, local holidays in the nation's capital affect tax deadlines the same way federal holidays would. Wow. Yeah. So it's been three days. Three days. Well, because it's on Friday and then there's Saturday, Sunday, which is a weekend. So Monday. My dad will be stoked because he do that. That guy will wait. He's so not a procrastinator, but tax season.

12:55Extension, extension, extension, extension, extension. I mean, he'll do his taxes in like March for the previous year. That's crazy. Yeah. Does he get any dough back? Yeah, I'm sure they get dough back or I don't know. Maybe they have to pay. I don't know. And that's why he extends it. Yeah, he is miserable during tax season. Well, speaking of taxes, the payout for if you had just, if somebody had won the Mega Millions lottery outright. The payout was something like $240-some million in just, you know, the payout, the cash payout. Because the lottery was worth $355 million. Unbelievable. And two people won it. Two people picked the winning numbers. Yes, two people picked the winning numbers. Isn't that nuts? Someone in Washington and someone in Idaho. So they're going to be sharing the $355 million jackpot. And the reason Mike's playing. This music, the Lost music, it's because four of the numbers were the same as those mysterious numbers from Lost. That's creepy. Yes, which are going to just blow people's minds. The lottery numbers that they use on Lost, and they were also just these weird, creepy numbers. Nobody knew what they were. That is insane. The winning numbers were 4, 8, 15, 25, and 47, and 42 was the megawall number. What are the...

14:18Wouldn't you be a little bit bummed that you have to share that with someone? I know. I wouldn't. I mean, the odds of just winning that. Yeah. I mean, that's a lot of dough, man. I'd be like, just my luck. Yeah. I only won $120 million. Oh, my gosh. This is the fourth largest prize in U.S. history for the lottery. Oh, man. The second largest in mega millions. Holy cow. 570-1949 is our number. And if you want to text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. It's very easy to get a hold of The Mikey Show if you need to. Later, we're going to be telling you about the trip that Sienna and Woods and L.O.B. made to the gym together yesterday. They went to Choose Gym together. Choose Fitness. Choose Fitness. Best gym ever. Together. It's awesome. That must have been an experience. We all have memberships now. Yeah, we went separate ways after a while. You did. We showed up together. We didn't work out together. Woods walked in on my workout. Yes, I did. I didn't mean to. You like the gym? I wanted to see how that room was.

15:29Woods worked out directly in front of me for a while, which was a little awkward. I told her. I said, don't stare at my ass the whole time. The elliptical machine, please. And I did it. It was awkward because you were right in front of me. I was just looking down the whole time like, uh-oh. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Yeah, I like to pretty much not make eye contact with anyone at the gym. So it's even weirder when you know people. Yeah, it was like a different environment to be with you guys. I really enjoyed the gentleman that came in when I was getting dressed. Oh. Strip nude. It was fabulous. Really? Yeah. Was he a wiener and everything? Yes. Gray wiener. Maybe lock the door. Disgusting. How old is he? 50. It's always those guys. You're just flowing, dude. It's always the older guys. Just flowing. Just, hey. Here I am. Here I am. Why did you lock the door? What do you mean lock the door? No. In the gym. He's walking around. I'm at my locker. In the locker area. Yeah. Nude. Fully nude. Get ready for plenty of that. I had to get nude for a second. Quick. I mean, pulled out, you know, a quick, quick. I do it really fast. He was just letting it out. He's confident. Letting it all hang out. He shouldn't have been confident. Trust me. Well, he was thinking, you know, you're not going to look. Nobody's going to look. How could I not?

16:44You're not going to judge him. Well, and I think he thought to himself, you know, what do I care? I'm never going to see you again. Maybe I will. Who cares? You know, it's life. I bet that's Jay. He's like a naked guy that doesn't care. I don't care. Brushes his hair naked. Yeah, it was full on in the mirror, nude, looking, calming, calming. Did he come out of the shower or did he get naked in front of you? He was at the locker like next to me. So he was afoot. And so he disrobed in front of you? Disrobed after his workout. How uncomfortable. Good for him. Stood there, you know, kind of doing his thing. Getting all his bathing stuff together, showering stuff. Fully nude for a good... You don't have to, like, I can understand if people get changed. You don't have to do all your stuff. Nude. Agreed. You throw a towel on and you grab your stuff. Or leave your boxers on. Yeah. Come on. Like the woman that was putting lotion on with her leg up on the bench. Oh. That's too much. Go on. Not when she's 87. Oh, hold on. This is at my old gym, by the way. I'm getting to the point where, you know, because every day it seems like slowly but surely one more thing.

18:00falls off that I just don't care about anymore. I mean, if you had talked to me 10 years ago, I wouldn't be willing to go to Nordstrom and buy a nightgown. A male nightgown. I'd have never done it. Now, I'm like, the only reason I'm not wearing that nightgown is it doesn't have pockets on it, which I didn't anticipate. I didn't anticipate, but in case you didn't know, I bought a flannel male nightgown. Maybe you take it back to the tailor since you've already gone to see him and just have him make some pockets. I'd have to go to a... professional tailor and the tailors that they have there at Nordstrom, I think their job is only to do alterations in terms of like hemming. It'd be so easy to sew a pocket on. I could do it for you. Yeah. Yeah, I need a pocket. For what? Sandwiches? Skittles? It's one thing. I need a wallet. Whoppers. I need a pocket for one item. Condoms. No, no, no. A pocket. Why? You said a wallet. I made an error. You can't just pretend that you didn't say that. He tried to. Why did you say wallet? I would like a pocket for my phone. That's what I carry. Just put it in your bra. That's what I do. Mine won't fit in my bra because my bra is too tight. It'd be really easy for them to make.

19:24pockets that go in? Yeah. Do you want the ones that go like down or in? Doesn't matter. Just sew it on flat. Sew it on flat. But they're jammies. Why do you need your cell phone in your jammies? I need my cell phone with me at all times. Just put it next to you on the back. I'm not going to carry it. In your hand? Nope. No. No, I'm not going to carry it. Fanny pack? Not going to carry it. Fanny pack. Matching flannel fanny. I need it with me, but I need my hands free to be able to roam about. Get you a holster like Jay has. He does. He wears on his belt. Hey, by the way, that's an example of one of the things that we give up. You know, we say to ourselves, I will not wear a holster for a freaking phone. Right. And then we get to an age where we go, I don't care. Who cares? I always carried a holster for my phone. He thought it was cool when it first came out. No, I've always liked it. When I'm working, I don't care in my pocket. Yeah. Why? Because I'm bending down. You know, you can't just, you know, I'm like, hold on. Plus, I drop my phone like a fiend. Me too. It's like I'm up on a ladder 10 feet and it falls off, you know. Well, I'm never on a ladder, so I never have to worry about it. On the couch from Woods. Don't have that problem. In between the cushions. Yeah, it was uncomfortable and I hope it doesn't happen again, but, you know, it's the gym. That's one, getting naked in a gym, wearing a holster for your phone. Another one is wearing pants or jeans that come up to your...

20:46Belly button. That aren't DJs, basically. If you give up on buying DJs, then you've... Designer jeans. Yeah, designer jeans. I wonder, though, I wonder if in 20 years, just the concept of designer jeans is going to be the lamest thing in the world. Like, will you and I would be wearing a pair of sevens 20 years from now that look really cool in 2010 and our kids are going to be like, Dad. With those sevens? Yeah, I've said it before and I'll say it again. There's two things that bother me. It doesn't bother me. I'm sorry, it's the wrong word. It creeps me out. One is a really, really fit old guy. It creeps me out to no end. I think it's badass. There's something about this young man's body with this old dude's head on it with gray hair. I'm like... There was one of those in the gym yesterday, too. I was like, oh, my God, look at him. Everyone is welcome at choosing. I want to be that guy. I want to be him. Yeah, more power to him. It really skeeves me out. And the old dude in real trendy designer jeans and shoes. And, yeah, it's really, for me, I'm like, no. Some people pull it off.

21:57Some old guys. They have to have like a good haircut. After 40? I was going to say 40, yes. And I looked at Mike and I was like, uh-oh. Yeah. Uh-oh. What do you wear, Jay? Like Wranglers? I'll punch you in the face. I'm serious. He wears like Quicksilver. Yeah, they're like, you know, they're just 501 button-ups or whatever. Is that Levi's? Yeah, some are Levi's. That's a classic. I love Levi's. I get a bunch of stuff from DC. Lee? Lee? Lee's? I loved Lee's when I was a kid. Jay wears shorts every day. 30 degrees, he's got shorts on. It really creeps me out to see the old dude with the grayish hair with a pair of diesels on and a v-neck sweater and he's all buff. I'm like, oh my god, what is that guy up to? I wonder what the age is that a guy becomes when young women start to view him as old guy. I hate it. It depends. Woods is 35. I don't think you're there yet. No, I'm not. When I was in high school, you're not there. No, you just said 40. Yeah, but you're not old guy. There's, you don't really look, I don't know. I'm 40 and I have a feeling that girls that are 24 are like, you know, we talked about it before. At what age are you not allowed to be at a party? Yes. If you're single, you're not allowed to be at a party for people in their 20s.

23:24Because you can get away with it if you're a single guy and you're 33, 34, 35. I'm too old, I think. I think you could do it, Woods. If I went to a party in PB and they were 22 to 25 and there's 35-year-old Woods in the corner like bonging beers, they'd be like, what's this idiot? If you were the only one your age, but if there were a group of you. So you're doing bong and beers? I'm bonging beers. Beer bong? You heard me. Yeah, beer bong. That's why I never want to be single again. Because I know I would be. I'd be like... Jamming out in PV. Every once in a while, I end up at one of those parties, and it's just, like, awkward. Yeah. Why? I know. Because I have friends that are in that age group, and they're like, hey, come by and grab that thing. You do? Yeah, I do. Why? Me. Why? Jay and I are friends. Oh, yeah. It's true. It's true. His daughter. Yeah, my daughter and her boyfriend. Old employees. If you look at the pictures from New Year's Eve, I'm like, wow. That's true. Jay's cool, though. Jay, you know.

24:32Had a lot of employees that were that age. He can pull it off, too. Yeah, it just depends on how young your spirit is. Mikey and I had a party in PB of 20-year-olds, 22-year-olds. Not going to happen. Really bad. Really bad. I think that you would be fine. Yeah, I think he would. Mike would be uncomfortable. Mike, I can't see you at a PB party, period. Even if it was 40-year-olds. Oh, man, when I was 25, I was uncomfortable at PB parties and looked out of place. Who's the old guy? Who's the obese guy? Stop. No one said that. Jerry Rafferty passed away. This is Jerry Rafferty, and he passed away. How old was he? 63. Love his music. Baker Street. Stuck in the middle with you. Stuck in the middle. Yes. Good stuff. Right down the line. Oh, those are great songs. Great songs. Jerry Rafferty passed away. How did he die? It says that he suffered from an undisclosed illness. It was reported either kidney or liver failure. That's a bummer. I heard his family was at his side and he went peacefully and all that. His daughter at his home in England. He was great. So, we talked about yesterday that Paula Abdul had a new show coming out. Live to dance. Gotta assume she got fired from...

25:44American Idol, and so we wondered, all right, well, is this chick going to be able to do it? So her new show came on last night. I heard a clip, and I'm going to play you the same clip I heard, and you tell me. I watched it. You watched it. Some of it. Some of it. So here's going to be a question for you when you hear this clip. It'll be a clip of Paula Abdul. You just got to ask yourself, what's missing here? Something very specific is wrong. When you hear it. And you decide for yourself. We'll do it next. Lay me down in the tall grass and let me do my stuff. Sienna, what's going on in news? How would you feel if you were this man? After 30 years in prison, a Texas man has been declared innocent because of new DNA tests. Holy cow. The crazy part is, is he had at least... two chances to make parole and all he needed to say was I'm guilty because he had a sex offending crime 30 years ago and he wouldn't say I'm guilty because he knew I he wasn't you know and so he stayed in jail even longer he was innocent the entire time and now they all know it and now they're offering him where is it 2.4 2.4 million dollars that's it tax free

27:35Tax-free. But I would want, if I was in jail for 30 years, $2.4 million a year that I was served, you know? Oh, yeah, man. That's your whole life almost. Oh, my gosh. But he actually, he met a woman in prison, and they just got married right when he was released. So good for him. Wow. Also, a new California divorce law may be making getting a divorce a lot harder. Apparently, I mean, as we know, divorce is just rising and rising and rising. And lawyers everywhere, you know, are up to their neck in paperwork. They're saying, you know, they're thinking they want to make... Excuse me. They want to make it a lot more expensive. There's no price right now, but they're saying the average divorce right now is between $5,000 and $15,000. And it takes up to six months to a year to get a divorce. So if they make it more expensive, the odds are people may reconsider getting a divorce, which is good. I'd say they make it $100,000. You can get divorce insurance now. What? You pay for it ahead of time in the event that it happens. Wow. And then it comes back to you, so your legal fees and stuff. Bye, Mike. Yeah. That's insane. Yeah. A 20 minute hearing, which is what it is right now, maybe going to hours and hours in court. Oh my gosh. You know, it's just going to become a huge pain. Can I just say that if you're buying insurance for divorce, don't get married. Yeah. Don't, don't.

28:53Don't get married. Isn't a prenup kind of insurance the same thing? That's what the guy that owns the company was kind of saying. Of course. Of course. And I feel the same way about prenups. What about prenups? I like prenups. Insurance for divorce is probably how expensive it is to get a divorce. Then that way, if you do, then the person that usually forks over all the money won't have to pay as much. It's to cover your lawyer fees and stuff like that. That's so awful. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, the Raiders have parted ways with their head coach. Tom Cable, he led them to their best record since winning the AFC Championship in 2002. Finished 8-8, 6-0 in the division. Sayonara, man. They let them go. I guess good for the Chargers, maybe bad for the Chargers, depending on who they hire. Al Davis is nuts. He's so crazy. Absolute lunatic. And in a really surprising move, I was really surprised by this. Marvin Lewis will stay on as the Bengals' head coach. 4-12 last season, two winning records in the last... 20 years. 20 years, two winning records, man. He is 60, 69, and one in eight seasons. Yeah. And he's lost both playoff games he's been in. There you go. Great work. Okay. So, Paula Abdul's got this new show, Live to Dance. And listen to Paula Abdul doing her, you know, it's the same deal, right? People, it's like American Idol. Judging, but it's group dancing instead of single dancer.

30:21Now, you know, if you don't know the story, she was on American Idol for years and they dumped her. And listen to this clip of Paula Abdul. All honesty, do you think that you rehearse enough to come on this stage? No. God bless you for being honest. You have lightning in a bottle here, but you're not committing to rehearsing. And that is a responsibility that you should all take very seriously, especially when you are as talented as every one of you. I want you to succeed. You have magic together. Commit to each other and show everyone how damn talented you are. Here's the problem. The problem is, is that you take a winning formula, you take something that worked. and then you put it somewhere else and you want to do something completely different with it. If I had come over here to FM 94.9 and all of a sudden I was a shock jock, well, our ratings wouldn't be good anymore because it's not the same product. You've completely changed the product. You've completely changed everything about it. Okay, well, what they did was they took a girl who used to be wacky and really sweet and never said anything bad about anybody, which was annoying, but it was a winning formula.

31:44And they changed it. Now she's like being professional critiquer and really critiquing people. I kind of like it. Well, I will say she was a much better dancer than she ever was a singer. Yeah, that's why I like it. Oh yeah, yeah, for sure. Because she knows more about it. I value her opinion more on the dancing. I'm just going, if it's Paula Abdul. don't you want your Paula Abdul? Like, why do you take a Pop-Tart and try to change it into French toast? But she was still so sweet. Yeah. I mean, that was the nicest way you could let someone go. I watched it and it was just painful because the dancers would do their thing and you were like, immediately knew. And then they would go to the judges and they would vote. You had to get two stars, two positive stars. Right. But she would go on and on. First she would talk and then they would go to the two other judges and then she'd come back and recap. And I was like, oh, great. Really? Producer as well. Yeah, so that's why she gets to talk. She's calling a lot of the shots, which is bad because she's not, that's not who she is. Are we just going to glaze over the fact that he watched this? No, because Americans do. Me and you, we're in the minority. The only reason I don't watch because I go to bed real early. But most Americans, most Americans, even dudes, dudes. That is not.

32:54The only reason you don't watch that show. Oh, I flipped through everything else. I tried to watch something else. I ended up having to go to Home Depot late. So I got home, sat down in my chair for five. You just called it The Depot. The Depot. I sat down for two minutes, flipped on the TV, flipped around and saw this. The first little kid that danced, he was like, he had to be like four or five. The dad's just bawling. I was like, this is going to be horrible. Yeah. Little kid spin around on his head. It was insane. And then everybody else sucked. And you thought it was going to be horrible? I thought the little kid was going to be horrible. Oh, and he was real good. Because he walked out. You know, the dad's like, he's had no official training. He's just watched people on TV. And all of a sudden, this little kid's spinning around like a bat out of hell. They should have a reality show with just little kids competing. Because there's so many talented little kids, and I love watching them. Yeah, that's kind of a, you know. There's two great things about that in one. One, it's little kids. Two, it's a freak show. Yeah. Because kids that can do stuff really good are freak shows. Yeah. There's this kid. There's this kid that's been showing on ESPN with basketballs. Yeah. He's. The best. Oh, the dribbling. He's the best ball handler you've ever seen. This kid can ball handle. You've never seen him. Ten? Yeah. And he's dribbling in the lane. From like an inch off the ground. Oh, yeah. And he's dribbling with both hands, but they're playing in a game. And he is doing moves. He looks like LeBron. Yeah, I love that stuff. I love seeing the kids do that. I say keep encouraging the kids, but don't. Then you create like stage moms and everything. Once you start passing in on that. Well, I will say this. I would be all in on watching it.

34:19I would not be all in on having my kids do that. Yeah, exactly. I don't want my kids doing stuff. But encourage them to do it until they're at it. Then they'll be a freak. You got to be careful, Sienna, because your daughter could be a model. 100%. She's beautiful. Thank you. Your daughter could be a model. And, you know, if I, if my kids were like that, where they were like, could be. Your kids are adorable. I would never, I still have never let them. Liberty always said, Liberty always said she wanted to be a model. And I was like, not until you're. You know, like 18 or 19. You know, I think if my baby was really cute and they wanted to do like a shoot, I think I would do that. When they're little. But then you would get the money from that and it'd be hard to say no to that once they were three, five, ten. It just spirals. You know what I mean? The Olsens. I don't know. You just think of all the kids that have gone bad. Yeah, but there's so, you know, for everyone that's gone bad, there's also somebody that's done well. There is. Sure. I don't see that many. Ron Howard. Yeah, that's true. That's like the one. No, there's, I mean, there's, there's kids. I'm not saying that, you know, you drive into Hollywood for auditions every weekend or whatever. I mean, I want my kid to play ball, play music, whatever, whatever they want to do, you know, but.

35:23I think if somebody came to me and I had Sage and they were like, we'd love to shoot her for this magazine. We're going to give you $25,000. I'd be like, that's going right in your college fund. Someone came up to Todd when he was with Jenna, my stepdaughter, in Target a couple years ago. She's gorgeous, too. Yeah, she's really cute. And they said, look, I work with the Disney Channel. And how would you like to be on Zack and Cody, the show that's on there? And Jenna obviously knew the show. She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So they said it right to her. And she's like, yeah, Dad, I want to go. So later that afternoon. afternoon was some audition and he took her and i guess she was just so nervous and he'd never seen her like that he's like nope never again wow wow if the parents have a good head on their shoulders i think it can work out for the kid but if they get too wrapped up in it i would do what woods is suggesting if it was an infant fine yeah yeah but if it's an older kid i'm just worried i'm worried they got too much see i don't think listen i don't think a 35 year old could process it yeah 35-year-old can't process it. How do you expect a kid to process it? Look at Lindsay Lohan. Whoa. All right. I mean, you know, but I think if a kid, if he has it, if a kid like Jake's age is four years old, Mike's son, Jake, if he is a natural, like a natural performer and he like likes to perform and that's his bit, you know, I could encourage that. I would encourage it at an old age. I never want to be like with, and you know, I know I'm going to be like.

36:49Maybe you grab a bat. Maybe we go out in the backyard and throw. And I don't want to be that dad. I watched a show called Toddlers and Tiaras. Oh, yeah. It's petrifying. Oh, my gosh. It's disgusting. It's sad. For those of you that don't know, that show is about these little kids that are in the pageants. Babies, even. Babies. In full makeup. With makeup on. Three-year-olds getting their hair done, getting their ears pierced, the whole thing. Always the same MO with the parents. The parents are always the same. They're always like, oh, we let them. Yeah. This is what the, yeah, right. And you see the parents like grabbing them. You need to focus. They're nuts. I watched it the other night and was just blown away. There was a five-year-old screaming because she wanted her knee-knee, which was her binky. And she's like, get out of here, mom. Get out of here. I need my knee-knee. Leave, shoo, shoo, shoo. And I was like, what is happening? You get the belt real good in my house for that. Well, we're so proud of our kids. Sienna said the other day she went in, she was bagging, she went into the grocery store with, her sister, Waverly, and her baby Sage, four months old. They go in there and they're standing at the checkout line and there's a woman behind you guys that is admiring little Sagey. And Sienna is kind of helping to bag some of her own groceries. And Waverly is standing with Sage. Answering questions to this woman who's like obviously noticed Sage because Sage is beautiful. So cute. And is asking questions of Waverly.

38:15And Waverly, you know, how old is she? Oh, my gosh. She's five months. That happens to me all the time with my sister. And I specifically will say... She's my niece because I feel awkward. Thank you. And then my mom is like, oh, thanks. Yeah, she's four months. And she will say thank you when people say she's so pretty. She's proud. And then I'll push my mom's side. I'm like, oh, yeah, my daughter. That's my child. I gave birth to her. So is that what you did? Oh, yeah. I immediately stopped bagging groceries, like went right to her. Really? Yeah, so my daughter, yeah, she was born August 28th. Yeah, I was pregnant for nine months. You don't want anybody stealing your thunder or what? No. Yesterday, I don't blame you. I mean, listen, yesterday, Rebecca goes, babe, we're both sitting on the bed looking at our computers. Weird.

39:04Date night. Just call it a... Yeah, date night. Date night. Rebecca and I will write each other emails from bed. That's insane. To each other? Right next to each other? True story. True story. Well, she knows that if she tells you, you won't remember, but if you have it written down, then you will. The guy loves him some emails. Love it. Love email. And so she is sitting next to me and she goes, babe, and I turn and look. We do this with each other all the time. We'll have something on our screen that we want to share. We just go, babe. So we turn and look. And it's on the screen. She goes, babe, I turn and look. It's a picture of Sage. It's gorgeous. Gorgeous picture. And I go, holy cow. I go, you ever just get a couple good genes together? She's beautiful. You mix a few good genes. I mean, every baby is adorable, but I got some really good pictures. One of my friends, Robin Nations, took these pictures at my house, and they're amazing. And Sage is smiling. And when you get a baby to smile and you capture it, I mean, there's nothing cuter. Plus, she's just a beautiful baby. You don't want to boast, but she is. She's gorgeous. So Sienna, you know.

40:07She likes it. Who could blame her? She likes it when people are like, oh, my gosh, your daughter is so gorgeous. And so if people don't, if she's with somebody and they're not saying, oh, that's actually my daughter's baby, she will let people know. That's my kid. That's my kid. See, my sister won't. My sister won't speak up for herself, but I don't want to just be like, thank you. That's what my mom does. And my mom is a young grandma. She's in her 40s, so it could look like it's her baby. I'm like, no, no, no. Fine. Let's see. Oh, don't forget. Hoyle will be in here at 8 because he would like to play us some... His musical stylings. He'd like to share some of his musical stylings with us. I've been working really hard on it all morning. Word of the day is Sapphire. So when you hear us say Sapphire between now and 10, caller number 9, you will be a winner for the word of the day. Okay, so yesterday... Woods, Siena, and LOB went to Choose Fitness. Yes. Where is it? Okay, there are four locations. San Marcos, Escondido, Mission Valley, and Santee. Okay, so you guys go to the Mission Valley one yesterday? Carlsbad, Escondido, Mission Valley, and Santee. You guys went to the Mission Valley. It's so close. It's like two minutes away from here.

41:27$9.99 for a gym membership. I'm just going to say that. Oh, my God. Under $10. And it's the nicest gym. It's so nice. And I have to say, I had like a preconceived notion. I'm like, for $10, this thing's going to look like, you know, like a hotel gym or something. Like one room. It's huge. It's got a million machines. She said there's no limit on the cardio machines because they have so many of them. So they don't have like a sign-up list or anything like that. You stay on as long as you want. Uh-huh. There are so many. Well, here's the thing. I could. You know, we could tell you the story about what happened there at the gym all day long. But I think the best way to do that is just to read you a series of texts. Please do. That I received yesterday and the conversation that went. Should I first say what else they have in the gym? Yes. No, you don't need to. This says it all. All right, perfect. Woods. Woods is already standing up like he wants to walk out. It's okay, Woods. Just getting some air, buddy. You do this to yourself, my friend. Do I? Yes. I can't just live a normal life. You guys just leave me alone. You guys just can't. You're not a normal person. Yeah, let's read this text and see how normal we are. This text came to me yesterday at 2.38 p.m. and it's from Woods and it reads, ever just tan at the gym? They have unlimited tanning. Ever buy tanning lotion? Oh. Then he types, yep.

42:58And I wrote back, oh, wow. Did you buy your goggles too? Hang on. He's not a guest. Jumping the gun. I said, oh, wow. He said, I said, you dot, dot, dot, tanned? He said, yes. With a period. I put, and bought tanning lotion. And he said, yes, period. I said, oh, wow. He wrote back, yes. Period. I said, how much money did you spend on the lotion? He just wrote back the number 15, period. It's good lotion. I wrote, oh, wow. I said, did you wear goggles or dot, dot, dot? Yes, $3. You can buy the goggles there. Have to. Have to. You need them for your eyes. Protect them. You tanned yesterday. Mike, can I just tell you?

44:09We took an entire tour of this place. Brand new facility. They've got all kinds of stuff going on. You know, they've got state-of-the-art machines. They've got a circuit training area. They've got everything. Classes. Classes. Woods is doing the... Nice, nice, nice, nice. Then we get to the hydro massage that they have. Free hydro massage is after your workout. Then we get to the tanning beds. Oh. Oh, wow. He's like, chances I buy lotion by the time I leave here. 100. You tanned yesterday. I tanned yesterday. Look at, like, he has a little glow. Shine that glow this way. He was so excited. He talked about it, like, then I was, he interrupted my workout, and he goes, all right, I'm going to go tannin'. I was nude. Wow, wow, wow. Wait, Lauren and I were there working out, too. Did we tan? I did not tan. No, not this time. I tanned. I said to our Hungarian nanny, Nita, last night. I said, guess what Woods did today, Nita? And she said, what? I said, he was tanning. And she goes, what is this? I said, tanning? It's, you know, getting a suntan. And he did it in a tanning bed. And she goes, oh, this thing where you lay inside of it? And I said, yeah. And she said, why? Really? She said, why? And I said,

45:48And I, you know, was struck by that question for a minute. I had to think about it. And I go, well, you know, he wants to be tan. And she just had a really confused look. And she said, oh. Yeah. I guess in Hungary, the guys don't tan. You know, they don't. I don't think in America. In most places, except for the Jersey Shore. Right. They don't. But tanning, like going to tan is expensive. Yeah. How many minutes? Ten. Ten minutes. Nude. Nude. All right. Let's talk. I have so many questions. Yeah. So you walk into, is it a little room? Yes. Okay. And you bought your tanning lotion. And so you disrobe in the room. Do you know what it's called, by the way? The lotion? The lotion. What's the lotion called? Bronze Voyage. That's a brilliant name. Oh my gosh. Bronze Voyage. Bronze Voyage. Does it have a little boat on it? Sailing away. Smells like coconuts. Oh, it smells so good. Bronze voyage. I got the... No, no, no. I'm going to walk through this. Oh, you're going to walk through... Well, you're going to miss a part that you don't know about. About the lotion. Yes. Let's go back. Okay, we'll go back to it. You walk into the room where the bed is. Yes, yes. Close the door behind you. You have three minutes.

47:05Okay, they run the bed. You don't run the bed. So you got three minutes. To unrobe. You have to disrobe. You have to grease up in three minutes. So I was like. I could just imagine him. I was. When you went into the room, what were you wearing? I had black shorts on, a long black workout shirt, black socks, and tennis shoes. When does the timing begin? Three minutes after the door shuts. So you walk into the room. Yes. And as soon as you close the door. I'm ripping clothes off. You're ripping clothes off. Yes. You should put the lotion on in the locker room before you have them turn it on. It's a great call. It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. That's right. So you close the door and boom, you're on the clock. Three minutes. You take your clothes off. Now you're naked. I'm nude. Fully nude. And you start to, you know, just put the lotion on. What's the lotion do?

48:03It protects your skin. It enhances the tan. It enhances the tan. And this one, the one I got, has moisturizer in it. So it moisturizes while you tan. It's a tanning enhancer. So he's on the clock and he's, you know. It smells like a hot stripper is what it smells like. That does sound good. So you get all lubed up and then you've got the goggles. Are they the kind with the rubber band or they kind of have the little plastic that goes between the bridge of your nose and just sits there? Okay. Fluorescent? What color? Black. Black. Of course, that's tough. Yeah, that's tough. I had about four choices and I picked black. Yeah. I did, I did. What? You just closed your eyes. What? That's really bad. I just closed my eyes. You closed your eyes. That's really bad. I don't want glasses. Oh my gosh. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. It's a safe place. It's a safe place. So you got in, you opted to not put the goggles on, closed your eyes. And close the bed. When the machine started, what was happening and what were your thoughts? Because I know you remember. Yes. I did a really good move. I laid down nude. I had plenty of time. I laid in there for a full solid 60 seconds before the thing started. And so what I did is I grabbed my iPod and I put my earbuds in and I laid back, put some Deftones on and laid back and just.

49:34waited. All of a sudden, this wave, this, it goes, and it turns on, and this fan hits my boys. Yeah. And I was like, whoo. Yeah. And then it started to warm. I was chilly. Right. And then it started to warm up, and I was like, oh, yeah, 10 minutes. And then I peeked out of the corner of my eye. There's a clock, and it shows you, like, how, it's seven, six, five. And I just laid there, and I go, I'm tanning. That's what was happening. I go, I'm tanning. I'm tanning, and I wonder. I'm tanning. People will understand. Oh, yeah. And I don't think they will. I'm tanning. I'm tanning. How'd you feel walking out of there? Feel relaxed. Like a million dollars. I felt, I did, I felt that, man. I walked out, I had a great workout. I did legs. I almost threw up, so you know it was good. I mean, and I hit it, I did it pretty hard. And then I hit the tanning bed and I was like, what a mission accomplished. I used to tan. I felt like the situation. Because I was thin and I was working out. And unfortunately doing drugs. And I was thin. And I was working out. And I wanted to be everything. I wanted to be tan. I wanted to be the whole package. I shaved my chest. I've never been there. Until you're a man and take a razor to your nipples. You really... You haven't lived.

51:09Wow, Woodsy. Wow. So I'll tell you my reasoning for it. First of all, I like the feeling I get after I work out. I like the endorphins. I just don't like to go there. Once I'm there, I'm fine and I'm into it. And the music gets me and I'm like doing well, you know. And I'm not half-assed and I'm really putting forth an effort. And there's something about when I walked in there and I saw that they had free tanning. It was like I wanted to get. I wanted the whole experience of the place. Yeah. And I'm like, oh my gosh, that would be like 20 bucks a month. Well, that's interesting because you didn't enjoy some of the other things that you could have experienced. Well, you know why I did it? For instance, circuit training. You know, Lauren wanted to experience everything too, so she opted for circuit training. I got the hydro massage after my workout. There you go. Well, I was going to do the hydro massage, but I had to get home. Because of the dogs. So you opted for the... I went tan. I went tan over massage. And I'll tell you another thing. Yeah. I'm going to tan probably every day. So if you don't like it, then you can feast on it. He said to me, when we walked in and we were doing the tour, and they said that there was tanning, he looked at me and he said... You know how I know you're gay? I tan. Chances, I tan every single day. Wow. There's more. And Sienna goes, 95, he goes...

52:31You should get that package in a little better condition before you start putting some bronze on it. What package? Your whole body. I was going to say, I didn't put any on my package, but there's more to this story that's really mortifying. Why? There were, when I wanted to tan, I wanted to just walk up and sign up, and I wanted it to be quiet, like a quiet transaction. You're buying narcotics. Right. Quiet. I don't want a big production about it. There's three hot girls standing at the counter. waiting to sign in, check in and work out. And the girl that was checking me in, she's awesome. And she's like, so you're going to be tanning for how long? And I'm like, and she goes, do you want, you need goggles. You need to buy those. I'm like, do you want me to pay now? And she goes, oh, you have to pay now. And I had to walk into the locker room, get my wallet, come back out. Three hot girls still there.

53:26And she's like, would you? And I wanted lotion. And I'm eyeballing the lotion. You need the lotion. She knows I'm looking at the lotion. And I'm looking at it and I go, I need to get some lotion too. And I look out of the corner of my eye and those three hot girls are like, they're stone-faced. And I know they made fun of me after I left. And so then she gives me the full walkthrough of all the lotions. Now this has a DHT in it. And it was like five minutes. And I go, I'll take the bronze voyage, please. And I had to then pay for it in front of the three hot girls. Now keep it in your gym bag. Yes, it's in my gym bag. And your goggles. Because it will last for a while. Your little pink goggles. They're black. That's sexy. Bronze voyage. And they looked at me and they were judging me. They weren't. They were laughing. They were laughing. Can I add one more thing? What? He walked in this morning and we talked about it a little bit. And he goes, Damn it, I forgot to turn on my face, Tanner. Yeah. Forgot to turn on the facial, Tanner. Oh, my God. It's a whole separate thing. Delicate on your face. Just for facial. Yeah. I forgot. They're good beds. I'm pissed. So my body's red and my face is white. Maybe I join. You should. We go together. There's a couple gals out on the town. Yeah, why not? All right, we're going to do Name That Tune. What's the theme today, Jay? It's New Year's party. New Year's party theme. Yeah. Music? It's music. Okay.

54:50It's New Year's party-themed music. You're going to pick a horse. Me, Sienna, Woodsy, or L.O.B. And the winner gets what? The winner gets, let's see, a pair of tickets to go see Social Distortion. There you go. There you go. House of Blues. Call us now. Social D tickets up for grabs. 570-1949. Look at you, Woodsy. I told you, dude. With the bread. Bread. One of my favorites. Yeah, you know that they named themselves that. We don't know, but I'm sure that the reason that they did was because that meant money back in the day. 100%. Bread. What do you guys want to call us? We should have a cool band name. How about bread? How about dough? That's what we're going to make. Bread. We're going to make a lot of bread. You don't think dough sounds better? How about loot? No. Not back in the day. Dough wasn't the cool word, man. Bread was. Bread. Let's do bread. It was either going to be bread or grass.

56:14I like bread what we were going to make and grass. I love when people call pot grass. It kills me. Oh, yeah. So I just want to thank everybody that gave money when we did Mikey-thon and when we were raising money for Rady Children's Hospital and their Autism Discovery Institute. Mikey Show listeners, M1s, helped to raise. $26,900. Incredible. We'll just round it. Yes. Call her an even 27. It is the most money that The Mikey Show has ever raised for Rady Children's Hospital. So great, man. We set the bar, didn't we? Yeah. And that was right around Christmas, too, because people had all that money they were putting out for their own presents and everything. That's amazing. To be able to do something like that. It was amazing on a lot of levels.

57:17That's one of them. And the fact that, you know, that it was the most raised ever by The Mikey Show is something that we should all, and when I say we, I mean M1s and all of us here on the show should be proud of, $26,900. And I want to say thank you to you guys here on the show because this is for... A cause that means so much to me because of Jake, my son. The Autism Discovery Institute means so much to us. And what dawned on me and what just really hit me is how Sienna and Woods and L.O.B. and Jay and Chris and everybody that, you know, was up for those 28 hours. You know, you guys did that. And it isn't your son. that has autism, yet you were willing to do that. And I want you guys to know that means a lot to me. And it doesn't, I get it. I really appreciate it because it's one thing if it's your cause and you're doing something because it means so much to you. It's another thing for you guys to give up those hours and to stay up and to go through what you go through those 28 hours. And it ain't easy. And you guys are doing it.

58:37And it's for my son and for those kids, and it means so much to me. So I wanted to say thank you to you guys and to M1s who helped to raise that dough. I feel pretty confident that, you know, as close as we all are, that we would have done that for all, you know, if something had happened to my family, Sienna's family, Lawrence's family, Chris's family, Garrett's family, anybody. I mean, it was a labor of love for sure because, you know, I love Jakey. I mean, it was tough. It was a tough deal, but dude, so rewarding. Yeah. And to hear that number is just like, holy cow. Most ever raised. That makes me so proud. Let's do it again. So great. Let's do it tomorrow. We will do it again. We should do it tomorrow. This year. Oh, yeah. So, okay. We're going to be playing Name That Tune here in just a second. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And our phone screener is Chris. It's Chris. Okay, so word of the day, by the way, is Sapphire and Hoyle will be in here at 8 o'clock to introduce us to his new musical stylings. Can't wait. My legs are itching. Let's do some Name That Tune. From the tanning. From the tanning? Yes, they're itching. It's normal. Don't worry. Okay. M1 Brandon from Escondido. Who would you like to select for Name That Tune? I don't see how a tan woods can lose, so I'll take one. There you go.

59:57That's a very good point. He's rejuvenating. I'm rejuvenating. I don't know. He's kind of itchy. Yeah, he does have a glow. M1 Joey from Chula Vista. Who would you like to select? L-O-B. Holler. There you go. Hang on the line. Let's see. M1 Lulu from Mira Mesa. Who would you like? Sienna. Sienna. Hang on the line. Wow, yes. Start the new year just right. I love you, Lulu. M1 Sean. From Miramar, I'm afraid you've got me. So hang on the line, all right? Got this, baby. Got the best. All right. Nice. Here we go. Yeah, do you? Okay, let's do this. Jay, the theme today is party. It's New Year's party, kind of, you know, kicking the year off right. Okay, cool. Get down on it. It's music? I'm so confused. Okay, let's do it. You'll figure it out as we start rolling. We got to use our name as a buzzer. Here we go. Here we go. What? Woods. That's Prince. Party like it's 1999. You're graduating high school. Okay, here we go. Oh. Jimi Hendrix. Yep. Nice. Oh, wow. Title or artist. Yep. Right? Okay. Here we go. Mikey. Mikey. Celebrate. Cooling gang. You all have three. One. One. Yeah. The three of you have one. The three of you have one. Lauren. Lauren. Yeah, no. Pink. No. No idea.

1:01:41Here's a good one. Mikey. New Year's Day, you two. Live version. That's what Coup de Tad made. Coup de Tad. It's a made-up word. Here we go. Woods. Wang Chung. Oh, Woods. The three of you have two. I love this game. Woodsy is like, you remind me of Lance Armstrong in that. It's kind of not fair because he has this extra thing in his heart that allows his heart to beat more blood. He's got one extra lung. Yeah, like Woodsy's brain operates a quarter second faster than everybody else's. All right, here we go. Here we go. From the Civil War era, Mikey, celebrate, dance to the music. What? Dance to the music. Celebrate. Celebrate. You've never heard that song? No. Three Dog Night. Oh, I would have never been able to tell you who it is. Three Dog Night. Mike is in the lead. With what? One extra. You have three. Lauren has two. Woods has two. Sienna has a hundred. Oh, boy. Here we go. Lauren. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. Michael Jackson. You know what that was. You know what that was. Mike and Lauren are tied. Come on, Woods. Get on your pony. Here we go.

1:03:23Lauren. Lauren. Fiance. I hate this game. Wow. Lauren, that was fast. Here we go. I know what it is. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. It's like my theme song. It's called, yes, tub thumping. Here we go. We got winter rain smokers and boosters. Woods. Toby Keith. Woods. I would have won. You could have played the whole song. That was a guess. I love this bar. I knew the words. Is it a guess? Okay, this is the last one. What is the score? Okay, Mike three, Woods three, Lauren four, Sienna one. Okay, it's just a one-pointer then. Here we go. Mike Woods. Mikey. Oh. Woods is next. Woods is next. Woods is next. Woods is next. Woods is next. Woods is next. Woods. Go ahead. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. Yes!

1:04:43Oh, no. Damn it. I would have said that. I would have keep playing. Mikey. Mikey. You've already lost. Oh. Don't say it. Damn it. Lauren, do I even need Mighty Mighty Boston? She just lost. Wait. She lost a point. Wait. Do you want to play a little more? We all lost a point, right? Wait, I haven't tried. Keep going. Yeah, I know. I mean, even if I lose a point, I'm still in the league. I can figure it out. I can figure it out. I know what it's called. Sienna, jump and dive. Jump, dive, and whale. Jump, dive, and whale. That's all you had to say, yeah. Brian Setzer. I was just trying to be fancy. I'm giving it to me. LLB's the winner. Is that it? Yeah. LLB. LLB, ladies and gentlemen. She knows that hip-hop dance music real good. She does. M1 Joey. Yeah!

1:05:42She got it for you. LLB got it for you. Social D, dude. That's awesome. You're going to see social distortion. Hang on the line, please. Thank you. Very well done. Damn it. I have to jump. every time we play that game. I have to stand and look down. Here's the thing. L.O.B. knows that pop music really good and it's just another one of those things where I wish that we could go into the storage facility of L.O.B.'s brain and just look around and get it with a flashlight and be like, oh, look at what she knows. Well, it's because I listen to Pandora and I put in dance music when I clean and stuff. So I know all those. My brain doesn't work. when I hear music to know the artist. I just know the words. Yeah. You know, I don't really pay attention. A lot of times I don't know who it is. L.O.B. cleans her apartment in her underwear while listening to pop music. Pop and hip hop. Pop and hip hop. It's her bit. Gives me moving. It's what she does. So, yesterday on Good Morning America, Nicolas Cage, who's not one of my favorite actors. Nor mine.

1:06:53was on talking about his hair and everyone always loves to talk about your hair i don't know what i don't know what the deal is with that and we have some of you through the years and the films that you have done and because you do transform picture nicholas cage right now because if you do you can picture all the weird hair on air that was from well The thinking is, I see myself as subscribing to the Lon Chaney School Senior. Lon Chaney School of Acting. He really does have an interesting connotation. He sounds like he's a little cold. It sounds like his nose is just pinched. Yeah, he doesn't talk, you know. And I believe that when you, historically, film actors and stage actors have always tried to create new looks and transform themselves. I don't wear a wig in my personal life or in my public life. But I do believe that because I make some. Didn't he just flip out? Then they caught it on video. Yeah. He did. He flipped out. At whom? I don't know. It was outside of a bar or a restaurant or something like that. Yeah. And someone, of course, got the video on their phone and he was yelling at someone. And it wasn't in, I don't believe it was in America because it was. No. Yeah. It was in another country where he's filming a movie right now. Because he was one of the only people speaking English. Yeah. I like the idea of.

1:08:11giving the audience something else, a new look to keep it eclectic. And I have to go back and forth, so it saves time. I'm not going to be able to grow my hair that long in two months and then go and jump into another movie. But for me, it just gives it something. I don't like to hear serious actors talk, yet if I were an actor, I believe I would be a serious actor. A thousand percent. I like him. I don't know why I like him. I really like the family man. That's a good movie. I think that's why I like him. The Weatherman's brilliant. Yeah, that's a good movie. Is it Raising Arizona? Brilliant. That's him, right? Yep. Sienna, you like him or you like these roles that he plays? No, I like him. You do. You're all in on him. He's a good actor. No, I know he's a little weird, but I don't know. He doesn't bother me. No. He was really weird in that movie with Meg Ryan. He's been in some weird movies. Yeah, he's been in some weird movies. Captain Corelli's mandolin. Are minivans becoming cool? No, I'll tell you this. I will say this. You can tell in advertising exactly who the audience is. They are realizing that the audience is not necessarily the mother, the soccer mom anymore. In fact, if you watch the new commercials that they have for minivans.

1:09:39Exactly what I'm about to say. Yeah, the deal, Woods, if you watch the new commercials for minivans, is first of all, they're marketing them towards men. And they're doing it. They'll put the minivan on a stage and they'll have like pyro going off next to it. And then they show the guy looking at the minivan and his hair is blowing back and it's like this whole 80s metal thing. They're going after you, Woods. They're going after me. They're going after the 35 and up dude. My mark. And they're doing it with hair metal. My brother drives the Sienna, and the campaign that they have, they're just really funny. Remember, it used to be car commercials. It basically was the same thing. They were driving around while the announcer talked about the features. Yeah, now they have to, like, step it up. Yeah, my brother drives the Sienna. Best ones ever. Yeah, and he's like, he's like the commercials guy.

1:10:35Really? No. Is this on a commercial? Oh, yeah. I'm not sure if it's Love Gun, but it's definitely a metal band, an 80s metal band. Well, minivans, they first, when they came out, were targeting the moms, showing how easy it is to get your kid in the car seat, you know, like that. And now, like Mike said, they're going after the men. Chrysler is calling the minivan the man van. And like, that's what they're saying in the commercials. Toyota was the first one with a Sienna commercial. And it was, they were rapping, rolling through cul-de-sacs with a posse of kids in the swagger wagon. Have you seen the commercial? No. Dude. It's hysterical. He calls it his swagger wagon. Yeah. It's not stupid. It's actually really funny. Would you drive one? I knew it. If they made like a BMW minivan. We had one. I'm thinking about it. I mean, it's practical. It's so practical. Stop it. If you have kids, it's practical. No. I'm having a kid soon. Woods, shut your mouth. They're nice. I'm telling you. It doesn't matter. Don't give up. Why? What's the problem with a minivan? We had one.

1:11:41They're different now. They're different now. They're different. What kind did you have? Gosh, I don't even remember what it was, but it was a nice one. Well, we found it. It was 1950. We got it brand new. That was why, Jay. It was because you had to crank start it. It was in 1932. And back then, with the older minivans, you couldn't even open the windows in the back. They didn't open at all. You could kind of push out. Oh, ours opened. I mean, it had all the bells and whistles, but it was just like, then we moved into a Suburban. Much better. The bells and whistles. Push a button. The minivan door opens. When you're holding kids and stuff, forget opening the door. And it opens way wide. Opens all the way. Plenty of room. Hey, dude, we're about to have to have three car seats facing forward. Holy cow. And we got three kids, man. I'm Mexican. We like to have babies. Yeah, it's true. I'll tell you what, though. I ride a couple times. I've ridden in my brother's Sienna. Everyone in the backseat starts to fall asleep because it's a smooth little cushy ride. They all have like flat screens in the back of the seats now. I'm sold. I'm sold. I'm getting one. There's plenty of floor room. It holds so much in the trunk. Listen to me. I'm getting one. It holds so much in the trunk. This, the Ford has a new minivan. I guess, I don't know if it's new. It's called the C-Max and it has high tech features like there's sensors that allow the driver to open the rear lift gate by just waving a leg under the bumper. Holy crap.

1:13:00Wave your leg under there. My wife would love that. Oh, yeah. I'm telling you, when you have kids and your hands full, groceries, I'm in. I'm looking at Woods right now. Woods is looking at me. I'm like, holy crap. Like, we would actually do that. Yeah, I can see both of you just riding around in the minivan. Hey, guys, let's go in the minivan. I want to get, like, a big conversion van. Like the creepy van with the big captain's chair? Those are cool. Like a pedophile van. Astro van? Rapist van. Those are the creepiest. Yeah, you know who drove one of those? Dream Grom. Can you help me put a couch in the back? Exactly. Creepy. One major news organization may have done something pretty stupid yesterday by announcing that a high-profile college football coach was fired, and he wasn't. Uh-oh. We'll tell you who, what network next. Some friends and they've got lots of room. Woodsy's going to tell us here in just a second who screwed up and made an announcement that a very high-profile college coach had been fired when he actually hadn't. Oops. Hoyle will be in here in 20 minutes. He wants to introduce you to some of his new music. Stylings. Mm-hmm. He's got to come up with a name.

1:14:57He wanted you to be in a band with him, right? Yeah, it was going to be Hoyle and Vinegar. You were supposed to be Vinegar. I was going to be Vinegar, and I didn't make one rehearsal. We didn't ever get together to write songs or anything. Well, we'll see what he's going to do this time. I think he's branched out on his own. He's kind of given up on me. He hasn't really been bobbing. He's got a stage name. I don't know. Like Madonna or Prince or Sapphire. I think just Hoyle. Hoyle. Just Hoyle. He probably dropped the Hanratty. There you go. Hanratty or whatever the hell it is. Hanratty. Hanratty. So, oh, and then we got to do this story. In fact, right after Woods on Sports, the golden-voiced homeless guy. Oh, my gosh. If you have not heard this yet, and if you haven't seen this story, remarkable. I mean, there's really no words for it other than remarkable. It's amazing. So we'll do that right after Woods on Sports. I got that thing from about 15 different people yesterday. Really? For sure. It was all over Facebook. Everywhere. Nobody sent me anything. Woods on Sports brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Well, the media yesterday asked Phillip Rivers a question that I found was fascinating. Phillip, are you going to watch the playoffs this year? Cut one. He goes, oh yeah. I always say as soon as we get put out or this year not making it always for that split second, I say I'm not watching one game.

1:16:32Once it gets here, yeah, I'll watch it. I mean, I think you watch it and it can drive you and give you a little, you know, motivation. I don't know if you need any of that, but, you know, watching it kind of just – and then, hey, those are teams that get there and learn. Maybe whenever you learn something from the team that gets there, you watch it and see what do they do maybe that we need to do. Not necessarily schematically, but – Can you see anything that maybe that team characteristics of that team that ultimately wins the whole thing? Oh, wow. I wonder if there's something going on there. What do you mean? I wonder if he's saying something there. Because he said not necessarily schematics. Right. Not schematically. He's not talking about X's and O's. Right. But is there something about this team that makes them winners? Wow. No. It's a great maybe. I think he's saying, like, are they heavy on defense? Are they a passion team? He just said it's not about. Maybe he's not saying, okay, what did they do to combat this move and whatever. But some teams, outside of schematic, it's just kind of the theme of their team. He may be looking for the theme. Yes. He's looking for Peyton Manning, how he interacts with Reggie Wayne, how Mark Sanchez and Braylon Edwards interact with each other. I see something deeper now. Yeah, that's a little deeper. I think so, too. What I see is that he's talking about this coach. This head coach, maybe.

1:18:00Could be. Maybe that these teams that are still there have a personality. Yeah. Leading them. Yeah. That's fired up. Yep. That's a great point. And what I'm talking about is the personality of the team. Gotcha. Yeah. Because what I've heard, well, you know, what is the personality of the San Diego Chargers? I think that oftentimes the team reflects the head coach. Yes. And if the head coach is not necessarily a fiery guy, sometimes the team is not necessarily a fiery guy. Well, and Phillip is a fiery guy. You know what I mean? So that's an interesting observation, Miguel. Well, also last night was the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans. And what looked like a blowout, so much of a blowout that I turned it off and went to bed instead of watching it, probably should have stayed up and watched it because it turned into a game. where Arkansas was driving for the win. Ryan Mallett throws an interception with about a minute left, and the game is over, and Arkansas would have won. Ohio State did nothing in the second half. They scored three points. They ended up winning the game 31-26, and Terrell Pryor was really good in the first half, not so good in the second half. He was through for, I think, 15 yards in the second half. But here he is talking about winning the big game, cut two. I go into every game trying to out-beat the quarterback.

1:19:18You've got to out-beat him. Especially the turnover standpoint. I don't really worry about the yard standpoint, but I really want to manage the game better than the quarterback. And that's our goal. That's one of our goals as well, is to play better than the quarterback across the field. And I don't know if I can say that I did down now. I know he had a lot of great throws today. Yeah, you want to out-beat him for sure. Oh, give him a break. He misspoke. He said a word. He meant to say out-play. Yes. Or beat out. Either one. Yeah. Maybe give the guy a break. We do that all the time. Come on. Do we? Smart. Savvy. Fine. Well, we talked about it briefly. There was a report yesterday from ESPN Radio Detroit. Detroit! About the fate of the head coach of the Michigan Wolverines, Rich Rodriguez. Rich Rodriguez has been a huge disappointment in Michigan. I'm a Notre Dame fan. I've loved every second. He's 15 and 22 since he started. It's been dynamite. Greatest thing ever. Keep him for another 15 years. But they came out yesterday and said, oh, he's been fired. He's fired. Breaking news. You heard it. I heard it. I got texts about it. He's not fired. He's not fired. The athletic director, Dave Brandon, said, I don't know what you guys are talking about. We had a meeting. We're going to have another meeting tomorrow. And he ain't fired. He may be fired today, but he wasn't fired yesterday. Yeah, meaning he may be fired.

1:20:44Today, meaning what? Today's Wednesday? Today's Wednesday. Yeah. Maybe he'll be fired today, but he wasn't fired yesterday when they were saying it. Right. That's exactly right. Maybe they keep him just to have a lawsuit. Yeah. So he was, you know, he's been much maligned, man. The alums want him out. He's not a Michigan guy. The top two candidates, unfortunately, for San Diego State fans, the top candidate right now is Brady Hoke. Doesn't that just make you sick? They want him. He's a Michigan guy. But I thought. that some San Diego State alum gave a couple million bucks to sign Brady Hoke to a longer-term deal. Yeah, Ron Fowler, who's a local businessman, he donated to the Aztecs Athletic Department to give them all a bump in their salary. But it may be Brady Hoke's only chance, and San Diego State would have to let him go if he wanted that gig. You know, Brady Hoke is a good coach, and he's done well here. He's great. He's 47-50 in his career. He's 1-12 in his career against ranked teams. So he's your number one guy, I guess? I don't know. Maybe he's better off at a small program like San Diego State. Yeah, and see, a lot of those losses that I think you just counted came here at San Diego State. Absolutely. With a team that he inherited. Oh, yeah. And since then, you know, I mean. He's built his own. He's built his own.

1:22:11Yeah, so you've got to think if Brady Hoke gets that chance, he coached there. You've got to think if he gets his chance to go coach there, he's going to. You have to. I hope not. And that'll be a bummer for San Diego State fans for sure. And then finally, the Miami Heat. We've been gone for two weeks. Do you know that these guys have won 19 of their last 20 games? Are you kidding me? 19 of 20. You think maybe they're getting it together? Okay, so last night, Dwayne Wade throws in 34, LeBron throws in 25, and Chris Bosh throws in 19 points. Wow. Those three, I guess they're learning how to play together? Yeah. Watch out. Oh, wow. Watch out, man. It took a little bit, but 19 of 20 is a filthy record. Here's LeBron talking about it. Cut three. We take what the defense gives us. I mean, we're two very aggressive basketball players. We try to do whatever it takes for our team to win. Most of the time, it results in us having big scoring outputs, but at the same time, it's not out of character or out of the flow of the offense. That's what's on sports. I wonder how LeBron feels about playing second fiddle. I think he's fine with it. I think he can be first fiddle one night, and he can be third fiddle the next night.

1:23:20LeBron's gotten on my nerves a lot this year, and he keeps talking and saying dumb stuff. He did a lot when we were over the break. He got in a little bit of trouble, but those guys can play hoops, that's for sure. So this story that we're going to tell you about is very interesting. When Woods watched it with his wife, Jamie, at first, she said, that cannot be real. Now, we'll explain to you how it is real in just a moment, but... When you first listen to this, you may think the same thing. What you're about to hear is a homeless guy standing on the side of a freeway exit. And he is interviewed by the person in the car who took notice of him. There are often homeless people asking for change in freeway exit ramps. But recently, there's been this guy with an interesting sign at I-71 and Hudson Street.

1:24:20His handwritten sign says he has the God-given gift of a great voice. Hey, I'm going to make you work for your dollar. Say something with that great radio voice. When you're listening to nothing but the best of oldies, you're listening to Magic 98.9. Thank you so much. God bless you. Thank you. And we'll be back with more right after these words. And don't forget, tomorrow morning is your chance to win a pair of tickets to see this man live in concert. Thank you so much. Wow. Now, what is really remarkable, obviously, is that this gold, as they're calling it, golden radio voice coming out of this guy that looks as homeless as it gets, man. 71 years old. Is that right? 71 years old. Now, here he is. Yeah. Here he is. And this is what convinced Woods' wife, Jamie, that it was real. Because at first she thought they had to have overdubbed this guy's voice.

1:25:21And that voice cannot be coming out of that man. And you can look this up online if you want on YouTube. It's everywhere. Yeah. But anyway, here he is telling his story. Well, when I was 14 years old, I was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. When I was 14, I kind of listened to one of our area radio announcers. And I went as a field trip to go meet the guy. And he looked nothing like what he sounded like. So I asked him about that. And he said to me, listen, radio is defined. Theater of mind. And so when he said theater of mind, I just said, well, hey, I can't be an actor. I can't be an on-air personality. But the voice just became something of a development over years. And I went to school for it. And then alcohol and drugs and a few other things became a part of my life. I got two years clean. And I'm trying hard to get it back. And hopefully somebody from one of these television or radio say, hey, I need a voiceover or I need something. So... You know, I'm hoping one day watch Family Guy weeknights at 730 on Fox 28. Anything. But that's what it is. And I love radio. Now, here's what you have to know, because there's a lot of people listening right now that and Wood said it earlier off the air. Wood said that guy will probably have a job in radio. Somebody will offer him a job because of the notoriety very soon.

1:26:43Which, by the way, I don't disagree with, but I think it'll be a deal where, you know, the radio station wants to be publicized. And so they'll hire him because they'll get attention for it and blah, blah, blah, which is great and everything. But the truth of the matter is that, and this is what you just have to know about radio. There's not a voiceover guy job. What they have is, is they have something called either an image director. Or a production director. And that person generally voices commercials. But in addition to that, they do a lot of other stuff. And they have to know how to work a lot of complicated digital equipment. In fact, I've been in radio for 23 years. I don't know how to do it. When I get a commercial, what do I do? I go to Jay. There's a guy in the building, Greg, who does it.

1:27:44I have to find somebody that will record me and then they have to go into the computer and they have to assign it to all this stuff and they've got it. There's a lot more involved. Oh, yeah. And so the job that he would have would be that job, but he doesn't know how to do that kind of stuff. And in order for you to get that kind of job, you have to have experience doing that kind of job. Now, this is what I do think. With a voice like that, he probably at one point in his life, Yes. Yeah, had to be a DJ somewhere. He had to have been a DJ. He said he went to school for it. He said he went to school for it. And so I got to think he's done it at some point. And immediately, obviously, because it's radio, when I saw it, I saw it for the first time early this morning, like 2 o'clock in the morning. And when I first saw it, I thought, I wonder if I can help him. Because homeless people mean a lot to me.

1:28:44And I thought, I wonder if I can help him. Woods is probably right. Something will probably be done this week to help this guy. By Friday. By Friday, I'm sure we'll hear of the radio station or somebody that's hired him to do something. There is a lucrative market for voiceover work, but it isn't easy to come by. It's so hard. It's really difficult. So hard. Most of the guys that are doing it good have their own studio at their house and then they just send stuff out. And they've earned it. You know, like worked really, really hard. Tons of contacts. I can't do it. Like, you know, I haven't, I tried one time. Did you? To be able to get, and I mean, I have the in because I work in radio. So I thought, you know, maybe I could do this. Maybe I can make some, no. The guys that do this, that do that professionally, that do voiceover stuff, They've been doing it for 25 years. Jay's right. They've got their own studio and their own house. And they charge about $700 a page. It's a lot. You get paid a lot. A lot. What do you mean a page? A page. The radio station will send them a page.

1:29:53Like of notes of what they need to read. And they have a deal where they're just like, all right, I'll do whatever you want. It's just $700 a page. Holy cow. Wow, I'd fit as much on that page as I'd possibly. You can. It has to be a certain size font. Oh, wow. Every other space. Sounds like a badass gig. Oh, it's pretty good. Yeah, we paid the guy that I was using. He was getting $100 a page, but I had a certain amount of pages I could do a month. So I had a monthly retainer. When I was at the old station, I did a few. It was nice. Yeah. They would never hire me. My radio voice is terrible. I'll be on commercials, but it's only because it's an endorsement that I'm doing. One time, somebody got me a job working for DirecTV, and I moved, and I'm so bummed that I lost that job because I physically moved. It was the coolest job in the world. I'd walk in there. I'd go into a sound booth. and I recorded the sports updates for DirecTV's advertisements. Rad. Wow. I'd have done it for free. They didn't know that. I'd have done it for free. It would be like the year that I did it was the year that Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa were making their run for the home run thing. 98. Yeah, and so it would sound like...

1:31:08This month on DirecTV, make sure that you follow exactly what's happening with Sammy Sosa and Mark McGuire. Both of them are close to 52 home runs and the magic point where they hit 52. It was the coolest thing in the world. It was the coolest job ever. You're your own boss, pretty much. M1 Nick is on the line. Nick, what was the word of the day? Sapphire. That's right. I said Hoyle's new band might be called... Cher, Madonna, Sapphire. I missed it. Very good listening, Nick. It was sneaky. One of you guys said something over it, too, so it was like you really had to be listening. Hey, Nick, that was good. Thank you. That was really good. I love your show, you guys. I am a first-time caller, but I love it, and I've been listening to you for quite a while. That's awesome, dude. Thank you, Nick. Hang on the line, okay? Thank you. M1 Snowman from Carlsbad's on the line. Are you there? Yes, I am. Go ahead. I just wanted to call and let you guys know I was watching the news before I left the house about 10 minutes ago, and they said they hired the Golden Voice homeless man onto the Cleveland Cavaliers. Get out. What? To announce? Yeah, you can go to clevelandleader.com, which is their news station website.

1:32:26And it's over-bogged. I had to do it like 20 times just to get through. Wow. But it has an article right on the front page. Is he going to be the guy that's like, and now from Miami University, number 44. He's going to be an announcer. He would be perfect. I offered him a job and a free house. Okay, so he's rad. He's the guy that when they come out onto the court, he announces their name. Number 23, LeBron James. Standing at 5'3", Mexican explosion, Mike Esparza. And they're going to give him a house? That's what it says. Holy cow. Thanks for the call, dude. Thank you. That's awesome. Think about that guy just went from being homeless to having a house. And being the new floor announcer for the Cleveland Cavaliers. Amazing job. Here's the deal, too. People now, the Cavs lost LeBron. People will now go to those games to hear and see this guy. That's probably why they did it. But that's awesome. Absolutely. And now he's going to be, I mean, he already is, but he's going to be even more beloved. Wow. Good for him, man. I hope it works out for him. Yeah. Seems like a good dude. He's got to keep his...

1:33:41Keep his nose clean, you know? Looks a little crazy, though. We'll clean him up, and he'll be all good, hopefully. Are you ever going to get to it, or are you just going to... It didn't even 8 yet. Oh, it's close to 8. It's 3 till 8. You're fine. 8 o'clock somewhere. Good one. Oh, wow. Hurry up, Mexican. Oh. There it is. There's my... You should see that. A little racist. There is nothing racist about it. So when we come back, Hoyle is going to... introduce us to some new project. It's coming up next. Five people on the Mikey Show. It's myself. I'm Mikey. I'm 40 years of age. Hello, Mike. Hello, Mike. Hello, Wood. Woods is our sports guy. He's 35. He's a guy sitting right across from me. Very tan. From the tanning bed. You been out, Woods? You been out in the sun? Just surfing? Nope. Tanning bed.

1:35:18I think my abs are coming in, though. Lauren O'Brien. Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as L.O.B., is our assistant producer. She's to my right. Santa's our news girl. She's to my left. And our producer, who just played that sound effect, is Jay. And I can't turn his microphone off, and I also can't control what he plays. And that's a true fact. It's brilliant. Our phone screener is Chris. It's Kral. And I am Hoyle. Oh, boy. Station manager. K-B-Z-T-K-I-F-M-K-S-O-N. You don't have to say all the call letters. Well, I am the cluster manager. You're a cluster something. Right, right, Woods? You're lucky I don't fire you. You couldn't fire me if you had gasoline and a match, pal. You can't get me. Oh, wow. You're not going to get the kids. Let me tell you something. I was managing kids your age.

1:36:22When you were still wearing your britches. I have britches on right now. Don't in that tanning booth, though, do you? Nope. Butt naked. That's horrific. The thing with tanning oil is you don't want any lines. You know, you don't want lines. I did put a little Playboy symbol on my inner thigh. I'll show you later. You'll really like it. I know all about tanning. I know you do. I have to do it. It's one of the... One of the drawbacks for me and being in the entertainment industry. Oh, please. I have to get up in front of people every week. You have to or you choose to? I have to. If I didn't do it, there'd be a lot of disappointed people. Who do you get up in front of? I've never seen you. Karaoke. Oh, that's right. You should go to a new bed because you're like pasty white. Yeah, I'm not pasty white. It's not really working. Yeah. You don't have to say that just for the radio, Lauren. You're like translucent almost. You make me look tan. Everybody here is making that joke, but the truth is I practically look like George Hamilton. Not even close. Right? Hamilton? Yeah, George Hamilton. Guy looks like a suitcase. His old saddlebag. Bob Barker. I am using the opportunity to come on the air here at FM 949.

1:37:47Because I would like to let people familiarize themselves with what I do. I'm a singer. Use that term loosely. Use it loosely. Well, I figured you'd say that. That's why I brought an example of what I do so you can eat your words. Oh, thank you. Thank you. That's right. I get up in front of people. I do karaoke and I... Where? I do it all over the place. I do anywhere that they'll do karaoke. I do various places here in town. My favorite hangout is, of course, Gordon Beer's where I like to go. You're there like every night. You are. It's ridiculous. He thinks it's a singles bar. It's a restaurant. It is. It's a restaurant. It's probably the craziest hangout. Oh, my God. Slash nightclub. Slash bar. Bar it is. I'm VIP. Oh, you're like the mayor of Mission Valley. We know what VIP means. Very important person. Thank you. You're a VIP at Gordon Beersh? Yes, I am. Do you keep a mug there with your name? Yes, I do. Well, Henry. And you've drank all the beers and all that? Of course I have. Woods, you don't get that. He brings it with him in his man purse. That's right. They have it there. I can keep it. I have the privilege of being able to keep my mug. You and about it.

1:39:15And second of all, Lauren, it's called a stain. You and about 7,000 other people that are on there. Well, what I do is I go in, I sing, people enjoy it, of course, and I'm very good at it. They ask you to come back every week? They're there applauding. I do it, and I'm going to play it for you. Now, I've done a lot of karaoke in my day, and it seems like no matter who goes up there and sings, you always, hey, you give them a round of applause. Good try. No matter what. I get a standing ovation every time I do it. Do you? Yes, I do. Let's be the judge of that. Yeah, we'll be the judges. I sing Alan A. Miles' song, Black Velvet. What? Say it again? Black Velvet. Who's the artist? Alan A. Miles. It's Alana Miles. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman song. And that's your jam, huh? Alana. Alan A. Clown. And you sing Black Velvet? Yeah, but I thought it was Alan A. Miles. Alan A. Miles. You can't tell that's a woman singer? No, I thought it was a fella. It's not a fella. That doesn't matter. That's your go-to song. That's my go-to. Black Velvet.

1:40:27Do you do other stuff, and then, like, that's the big finale? Yes. Like, if you meet a lady... I start with Steppenwolf. Magic... No, that's... Start with Steppenwolf. Born to be Wild? Duh. Okay. What could have been Magic Carpet Ride? Well, it wouldn't be, because I wouldn't be cool, and I only do what's cool. Born to be Wild by Hoyle, okay. Yeah. And then? And then I do George Thurgood. Which one? Bad of the Bone? Of course. Oh, my God. Of course. Horsewoods. Wow. Yes, I did. That's pretty good. Oh, my God. When does it end? My boy Tony down at the karaoke, he rolls tape on me when I sing the Alan A. Miles song. Where I want to get the intonation just right, and so I have him. roll a little tape on me so I can take it home and critique it and put a little effect on me when I sing and the whole thing. Oh, I'm so excited. Is this your deal closing song? Like if there's a lady giving you eyes at the end of the night. Every time, Woods. And it closes the deal. Never been a time where it hasn't. Wow. You ready? I'm ready. All right, everybody. Welcome to Gordon Beer. Wow. It's Wednesday night and we're going to do it up proper. Proper. Just want to let all the ladies know I'm going to be here until midnight.

1:41:57How do y'all know? Well, this is a real recording. Okay. You ready for a little Black Velvet? The Mississippi of a dry spell. I'm so low. Mama's down with a baby on her shoulder. Like when there's six in the sky. Every school. I stay true to Alan's original recording. Alana. My chest hair. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Give me some guitar. Jimmy Smith over there on guitar. It's a full performance. You do a whole performance. That's my brother. Oh, my brother. Here comes the part where you got to get those notes. That's why you go over the notes later. Dylan has a high voice. I have a feeling standing ovation is people walking out. Yes. If that's the way you apologize, Jay, that's fine.

1:45:38Oh, my gosh. Wow. He's improvising now. Maybe we start eating at Gordon Beer Show every night. Every Wednesday. Yeah. That was something. Yeah. That's one word for it. You can sing like a woman. I'm going to. I sing like Alan, who's got a high voice. All I need is for our program director, Garrett, to try to get that to Sony or to Epic Records. A karaoke cover of you singing a woman's song? It's karaoke, but it sounds just like the original. That's all I need them to get. Oh, my gosh. There was one point in the song you realized you're singing about a man, right? Yes. You should be. I said that mama dresses me like a schoolgirl. You did say that, too. Well, that's true. I did, yeah. But that's because the lyrics say that. And then she talks about, Alana talks about this man that she can't resist. I thought Alan A. Miles was gay. I thought Alan was gay. I'm not going to judge him. Well, then why is that your go-to song? Yeah, maybe you learn your songs. Because it's in my range. Oh, is it ever? Holy crap, I'm blown away. Wow. Let's see. M1.

1:46:51570-1949 is our number. If you want to give us a call. You'd think that you would have working knowledge of that after a year. Can I pull the recording? Yes. That was recorded yesterday. Okay. At some studios. And by studios, I may mean the office at my house. Really? Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. We had a handyman over. Oh. No way. No way. Did you know he was there? I saw him as he was leaving. Oh. Oh, my God. And listen, I'm belting out that last note. Oh, my God.

1:47:51And you saw him walk by your office doors. Was Rebecca there for damage control or anything just to warn him? Dude, try to get Rebecca on. She's got to tell you because she was with him when I started. She was with him in the kitchen when I started. And she said that her face went bright red. Because they could hear you? Oh, yeah. It ain't that far. I'm screaming. School girl. Oh. My God. That's worse than the maintenance man walking in on me going to war. And he didn't think, it wasn't like, dude, it wasn't like it was funny. Like he looked like, oh my goodness, what's going on? Is your husband deranged? Like what is going on? And she said, her face turned bright red and she was like, gonna explain it. And then she was just like, you know what? She goes, what are you going to say?

1:48:47What can you say? You just say my husband is a dork and he's on the radio and does weird things. He would have been like, oh, cool. Well, when I saw him leave, you know, because he walked out the front door by my office, which has got my office has these French doors, but there's glass. Yes. And it's like this kind of glass that's like. It's not glass you see through. It's blurry. And so you see the figure of this man walk by. Oh, my God. Hi, hon. So you're standing with this guy, right? Yeah, it was so embarrassing. Like, he had just finished. And I was basically just, you know, writing him a check and thanking him and stuff. And we're standing, like, in the dining room. He's giving me the invoice and in the background, so loud, you know, it's like, please make this stop. And I'm feeling like I need to explain, but I'm embarrassed. And finally, like, it's gone on for probably about a minute or so.

1:50:06Oh, my God. Just imagine that scene. As you heard, it was a very enthusiastic recording. Yeah. And he finally kind of, like, turns, you know, like, to look toward that area. And he looks back at me with, like, kind of a curious face, you know? And I go, I don't know. Yeah. She didn't know what to say. I practically couldn't say anything. Oh, my God. It's just for fun. It's like a joke. It's a joke. It's a joke. It's a joke. It's a joke, all right. It's like a joke. So I walk out there when I'm done. He's gone. And I knew that he had been there. So I knew she was mortified. I knew it. I knew it. So embarrassing. So I walk out and I see her and I go, what's going on, babe? And she gave me this look like, are you serious? Like, really? With that? With all the guys here? And I go, hey. And she goes, that guy just. And I go, yeah. Let me tell you about that clown. I go, I'm trying to do some work around your work. Okay? I'm trying to do some work around this place. I wonder if he knew it was a man. I'm not even sure. It was so awkward. That's incredible. It's beyond awkward. This is going on in the background. So weird. I would be so weirded out if I were him. That is incredible. What do you think that guy thought?

1:51:32Driving out of there. He called all his friends. He's like, you're never going to believe this. There's a dude singing Black Velvet as loud as he can at this house I was just at. Oh, my gosh. Screaming it. It's fabulous. Love you, babe. Love you, babe. Love you. Love you too, Rebecca. Love you, babe. Oh, wow. Well, there you go. Hopefully you enjoyed that. 570-1949. Never ends with you, Mike. I love it. What's up with the Navy captain that showed the racy videos? I'll tell you what he showed. But he got fired. I saw it yesterday. Of course you did. We have the guy that has relieved him of his duty. We have some audio of that guy saying what it is and what he did and all that stuff. Coming up next. I'm going to tell you about the Navy captain here in just a second. And what was going on with the Navy captain.

1:53:10That got fired and why he got fired and the whole thing. Sienna, what's going on in news? Okay, you guys. Seatbelt percentage in the United States. Do you think it's gone up or down? Who uses their seatbelt? I think it's gone up. It's got to have gone up. It's gone up. Now, 85% of adults say that they wear their seatbelt every time they're in the car. Last year was 81%. And years before that, it was like 11%. Yeah, my brother Steve still. falls within that 15%. Come on. Really? Doesn't do it. It's clown. Seatbelts save lives. I mean, I can't imagine. Just put it on. Still not doing it. I know. Please. Also, if you're like me and you're terrified of bed bugs, a list has come up. America's worst bed bug infested cities. I'm going to give you the top five. Columbus, Ohio. Number five. New York. Number four. Detroit. Detroit. Number three. Chicago. Number two. Cincinnati, Ohio, number one. So San Diego did not make the list. I'm very glad. But, I mean, hopefully we will never make that list. I thought New York would be number one. Yeah. I thought they would. I love this. It's filthy, I guess. Cincinnati. Woods, what's going on? Cincinnati, yeah. What's going on in sports? Ron Franklin, the ESPN announcer I told you about yesterday, they had a meeting before the Fiesta Bowl where he was talking to his female reporter, female colleague, Janine Edwards. And actually, what came out is that he called her sweet baby.

1:54:29And she didn't like it. He called her sweet baby. Yes, she was wanting to get in a conversation that he was having with another guy. On the air? No, in a pre-game meeting. And he said, easy, sweet baby. Who says sweet baby? He said sweet cakes. No, she said. She even came out and said it was sweet baby. So he goes, why don't you leave this to the boys, sweet baby? And he goes, I don't like to be. She said, I don't like to be talked to that way. He goes, okay then, a-hole. It's a call to that. So she went and told her employers and they have fired him. He's been there since 1987. And I'm sure he has had a few more choice words for her in the last couple of days walking around his house. That seems a little dramatic. It does. It's a little dramatic. You mean firing him? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I mean. Maybe he had done some other stuff. He had one other instance before where he had said something, but it wasn't bad. It was condescending, but it wasn't. racist or anything like that. It was condescending. It was a little bit sexist. Maybe if he swore on national television. That would be different. And then also today is tomorrow. We'll know who the new members of the Baseball Hall of Fame will be. They're saying the only real quote-unquote guarantees will be Roberto Alomar and Burt Blylevin. Some of these guys have been on the ballot for 10 years. It's like...

1:55:44Why are they good this year? Why are they worthy this year and not last year? The Hall of Fame is getting really watered down. It's a really tough decision these days because of the steroid era. A lot of those guys are now coming up for the Hall of Fame. Mark McGuire, all those guys are on the ballot. It's going to be interesting. I can't believe they'll ever make it. No, I don't think they will either. H.M. Rojas is joining us in the studio now. H.M. Rojas is one of our big-time M1s who lives in Costa Rica. She listens to us online from Costa Rica. Yes, that's an M1. She'll call us from there, too. That's right. She'll call us from there. And you're home for vacation right now, right? Yeah, just for a couple weeks, but I'm going home today. Oh, you're going home today? Well, Costa Rica home. Yeah. You were really nice because you brought us some coffee from Costa Rica. So excited about it. A cool thing is HM called us, I don't remember how long ago it was, and told us that she was going to do something very bold in Costa Rica. She was going to ask out her doctor. She had gotten a cold.

1:56:48And she went in to, you know, get some medicine for her cold. And the doctor that was there was very nice, very handsome. And so you ended up going back. Her mom is sitting right behind her. And her younger sister. Jay's playing Boing sound effects. So you ended up going back and asking him out. Yeah. So what happened? So the first date went well. I called in and told you guys about the first date. We just went out for drinks, stayed out for like six hours talking. It was really nice. And then, I don't know, he didn't really call or anything. Jerk. I'm an idiot. Jabroni. But then, maybe a couple weeks later, we ended up getting together. Yeah. And we started text messaging a lot. But the second date was kind of weird. He came over and... He seemed really distracted. Excuse me while I whip this out. Jay is trying to make it as uncomfortable as he can for you because your mother is sitting behind you. It's brilliant. Go ahead. He came over and he seemed very distracted. Yeah, he came over. I invited him over to hang out.

1:58:07And he was texting, and I don't know, he seemed really distracted when I was talking to him. I was just, like, facing him, talking to him, really excited. Right. And he was facing forward, wasn't even looking at me. Oh, lame-o. It was really weird. Nice fever. Okay. All right, Jay is going to have to, you know, leave. But anyway, so... And so after that, I kind of wrote him off, kind of did... Fade out. Fade away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Favorite move. Yeah, mine too. Mine too. And so he's faded away? And then he started contacting me a lot. Of course, because you faded away. Yeah. Best move. And so he would contact me maybe like two, maybe like three times a week just saying, hey, what's up? How's school going? Now, how old are you, HM? I'm 23. 23. And how old was he? 28. 28. Okay, so he started contacting you a lot. Uh-huh. And then what? And then before I left, he asked me when I was leaving. I said, oh, I'm leaving in a couple days. I got a lot of stuff to do in the next couple days. He was like, when are we going to hang out? I was like, oh. Hmm. Well, if you want, we can hang out later. And so we ended up hanging out, and he was...

1:59:24All in, all of a sudden. Really? Yeah, he broke up with his girlfriend. Now he's free. He's wife. The divorce went through. No. Now, I remember asking you. I said, now, did you ask him? You're not seeing anyone, right? And he told you, I'm not seeing anybody, right? Yeah, he just told me it's because I'm really busy. I don't really date that often. And so by the third date, I kind of figured, you know what? I think this guy was just really shy. Yeah, could be. He probably just never dates. You know, as a doctor. I'm saving lives all day, so it's very difficult to have a social life. But he's probably not used to being asked out by women. Of course. Like, culturally, that doesn't happen that much, right? I've never been asked out by a woman. Wait, I have a question. So, what kind of doctor? General medicine. She's like, OBGYN. He's your doctor? I've only went in twice for a cold. Okay, so he didn't, like, check out any goods or anything? That would be weird. He's like, okay, you have a cold? I need you to take your shirt off. I need you to fully disrobe. What was the last time you had a breast exam? These are called stirrups. Okay. Okay. All right. Over the line. Your mom's here. Her mom is right behind her. My apologies. She's staring at the ceiling, by the way. Poor mom. Poor sister. Worse than Jay. My goodness. Her mom has seven kids. She knows what's up. Yeah, she knows what's up. Goodness. She's running into some creeps in her day. Tell her what's up. So.

2:00:51So it sounds like the last date was a good date. Yeah, and then the next day after that, he wanted to hang out again. Follow up? Yeah, we just kind of saw each other, hung out for maybe like half hour between his break because he works down the street from me. And he knew I was going to be around doing errands and stuff. And so he gave me a call, and then I came by. And then the next day, the day that I left for here, he asked if I wanted to go on an errand with him. Really? Before I left. Did he get my shirts for me? No, no. He just wanted her around. He means he's that busy. That was the only time he could see her. That was nice of him to do. Very nice. I thought it was rude. So you're in, kind of. I think I am. He's in. He's in. Have you guys communicated at all since you've been back here? Yeah, he's been contacting me like every day. Are you serious? Oh my gosh, HM. Paging Dr. Rojas. Is there like someone that would pick you up from the airport there? My roommate's going to pick me up. Maybe your roommate's busy and you ask him. See if he'll do it. Maybe there's flowers waiting for you when you get home. There better be. Don't expect stuff like that. If it were me, come on. I would be at that airport with flowers the whole bit. If I were him, what I would do is I would say, I would say, hey.

2:02:13Do you think that your roommate would mind if I picked you up? 100%. Yeah. You would write her a poem. You would write her a poem. You guys are going to make her overthink this. Stop it. Mikey would write her a poem. Yeah, we heard that the first four times. Should we read it? We should probably read it. Have you heard the poem? No. Oh, then you have to hear it for sure. How old were you? I'll read it to you and I'll pretend that I'm the doctor. Mike, how old were you when you wrote this? Eight. No. No. He was in his... How about some late night poetry? Okay, so this is what Mike would do. You would be here visiting your family. He would be the Costa Rican doctor or Mexican doctor. Does anybody get this? Yes. What is it? What are you reading? It's your poem that you wrote to a girl named Catherine. You had a little pen pal that wasn't really in on you, but you were in on her. Very in on her. And you would write her poetry. And here is some of that poetry. This one's called... It's called Untitled? It had a title, but it got X'd out. We called it Untitled. Okay. Through hours of night and hundreds of miles, sleeps one of the warmest, softest smiles. Those miles are empty and full of regret for leaving a face I will never forget. Mike, stop covering your face. Look at him. He's being different. He's being different. Hold on. Thank God for the memories that I never made. That pain is expensive.

2:03:45Believe me, I've paid. It's better to picture your face to your voice from miles away. I don't have a choice. It's melodramatic and full of despair, but that's what I feel. So I really don't care. And that will do it. dying right now. Mike, he has his head on the freaking bar. Can that please be the last time? No! Once a week. I'm getting these preserved. Get them glazed onto a plate. Mike said that we could read it during the Mike-y-thon at like 2 in the morning. We would not have very many listeners at the time. And that was supposed to be it. But Lauren is brilliant. And she saved it. Of course I didn't tell anyone. Did you do that on purpose? Yeah. Oh, my God. So great. Great move. I knew those would come in handy. Those are handy. Hey, HM, if he wrote you that, wouldn't that be sweet? I would just think desperate. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Believe me. Maybe she did. He's paid. Okay.

2:05:02Yeah. Really? I mean, the poetry is cheesy, but it's pretty good. It's pretty good. You know? Yeah. The first couple lines are good. First couple. Leave me. Trust me. Leave me be. I can't look at you. I can't look at you. Well, HM. I hope that this develops into a budding relationship. It sounds like it could be going good. And it's every mother's dream for their daughter to marry a doctor. A doctor. Dynamite. Could be cool. Just don't put too many expectations on what's going to happen at the airport. He should propose. He should propose marriage to you at the airport. You guys should get married. You should get married and you should propose. Get some. Flowers and all that stuff. Jay! Oh, wow. I'm just saying. I love it. I love it. I love it. Well, HM, thank you. You brought in some of this coffee, which is the greatest coffee in Costa Rica. It's really good. And, yeah, I hope everything, you know, falls into place. Thank you. Sounds like... To call us with an update. Yeah. Please do. Please. Yeah. Call us with an update. I will. All right, let's see. What else have we got? What else have we got? Boy, you sound like Damone there. What else have we got?

2:06:18I wanted to watch last time. I did. You did? I did. I fast forwarded to all the Damone scenes. This is awesome. I loved it. It was great. You going to come watch King of Comedy this week over at my place? Sure thing. Woods, it's a good movie. Yeah, I know. I'm excited to see the movie. I'm just busy. Got a big trip this weekend working on. Oh, yeah. We'll talk about that later. So what are you doing? Oh, laundry, getting the dogs ready, the house. Yeah, every day. Getting the dogs ready? Is there a process to get the dogs ready? There's been a lot going on with his dogs. Yes, one of my dogs is sick, and you know that. I do know that. So what are you doing to get them ready? Just loving on them. Oh. You know, just cuddling them. Telling them, I will be gone for a while, but I'll be back. I'll be back. I just want to spend time with them before we leave because one of them is really sick. Yeah, it's hard. It's a hard thing. Got it. Your movie isn't going anywhere. We'll be able to watch that movie together. Yeah. You had time to watch a movie last night, though. But I was in bed. What if Mike came to your house and brought the movie? I don't want to. Oh. He doesn't want to. He wants it on his TV with his sound. Mike, you have to give a little. I have. I mean, I watched... He's given a lot to this relationship. He has. Oh, okay. Yeah, I watched Christmas Vacation. Believe me. That's true. He's got to believe me. He's paid, okay? Believe me. He's paid. You should show up at Woods' doorstep with flowers. Yeah, chocolates would be nice.

2:07:39Seized candies? Really? Believe me, Mike's paid enough. Mike, go to his house, Wood. Stop being a jerk. I'm busy. You're really not busy. Guys that were at home yesterday to watch Damone's scenes. It was at 9 o'clock at night. 8 o'clock at night. Before that, you were in a tanning bed. I was working out and getting fit. You're in a tanning bed. Where are you getting fit? Choose fitness. Yeah. With bronze voyage tanning lotion. Yes. Maybe you guys try it. Okay. You guys need to sit down with your calendars and book it for next week. We'll do it in the first quarter for sure. First quarter. Sienna. Yeah. Tell us about this Navy captain. Okay. What he did and all that stuff. Okay, his name is Captain, was Captain, Owen Honors. Still is. Well, no, he was fired. Dishonorably discharged. No, what happened was, a couple years ago, they were on an aircraft carrier, USS Enterprise. That's in Star Trek. Yeah, that's not real. Yeah, that can't be a real thing. It is real. It is real. And on this aircraft carrier, he was the second in command. So he held a very high title. Sure. XO.

2:08:52He starred in some videos that were shown to all of the Navy crew members on board, and they were not very good videos. They were very suggestive, stimulating some move. Can I say? Simulating. Simulating. It could have been stimulating some people. Self-pleasure. Self-pleasure. Simulating self-pleasure. Going to war. Yes. There were gay slurs from his mouth, from others' mouth. There were two female. He's in the shower. Cadets or something. Yes. Now, what's the deal? He did it. He showed the video because he thought it would like... Everybody would think it's fun. Yeah, it was supposed to be funny. And I guess, you know, it was kind of funny, but there was a lot of really inappropriate things in there, which should not have been shown to all of the crew along the USA. Did they do like a screening like we did for Waterworld? They had like a big screen and they showed everybody? I think, you know, when you're on a ship for that long. Here's the scenario. What's the scenario? I think that it was probably one of these deals where they had a bunch of people.

2:09:51that they got everybody together to do something else. And this was thrown in as part of the fun, you know, like, hey, we got to talk to everybody, loosen everybody up. We'll do this too. Gotcha. You ever just abuse power? Sure. Well, I mean, it sounds like he was trying to be nice. Yeah. And so word got out, you know, about this video to some senior officers. They became aware, then it became public. And now, you know, you can see this stuff on the media right now. It's inappropriate. Yeah, it's very inappropriate. The crew loved it and loved him. Yeah, but still, I mean, if you're using gay slurs and you're doing stuff that's inappropriate. But they're standing behind him. And these were videos. They are. And these were videos that he made three years ago, over three years ago. So he shows it every year. No. I think he made them. It's like It's a Wonderful Life. I bet he had a friend like Woods that was like, hey, show them. You should show them. I have a feeling that that was it. He's like, no, dude. And there were a bunch of people in the videos, but he was one of them and he was a part of it. And so as of yesterday, he was fired. Here's his boss, Admiral John Harvey. After personally reviewing the videos, Captain Honor's creative. And laughing. Serving as executive officer.

2:11:06I have lost confidence in his ability to lead effectively, to command enterprise. I think that you certainly have to go of lost confidence in his judgment. Yeah. He is being held accountable for the poor judgment and inappropriate actions repeatedly demonstrated in those videos. Okay. It's just a tough time with, especially with the don't ask, don't tell, all that. repeal and stuff going on, it's probably like the military can't really be like, oh yeah, he can do that. He's fine. It's probably, that's probably a lot to do with it. They have to make an example of him. For sure. I agree. Yeah, that's too bad. Let's see. Alec Baldwin says he might run for political office. Oh. Okay. In fact, here he is talking about it. The answer is yes. It's something that I'm very, very interested in because You know, people would say to me all the time, why would you want to do that? And sometimes I don't want to do it because to leave what I'm doing now would be extremely painful because I like what I'm doing now. And you arrive at a certain place now. I'm 52 years old and you're just beginning in the last few years to really understand what you do and why it works and so forth. And I've grown to really love where I am now in my business. However, I do believe that people want to believe that someone.

2:12:32who deeply cares about the middle class, would like to seek public office. Here's the thing. You know, when you run for any office, there's always, you know, your opposition is going to use whatever they can to make you look bad. for me to make the phone call, I am, whatever I'm doing, and I go and I make that phone call at 11 o'clock in the morning in New York, and if you don't pick up the phone at 10 o'clock at night, and you don't even have that phone turned on, okay? I'm going to play in this game with you. I'm leaving this message with you to tell you you have insulted me last time. Is he talking to A, Kim Basinger, his ex-wife, B, his 12-year-old daughter,

2:13:43Or C, his agent. Had to be his agent. You can't talk to a woman like that. Right. Or a child. You can't talk to a kid like that. No, not your own kid. Especially, yeah. You can't talk to a woman kid like that. I mean, this is a woman kid. That's a woman kid. He was talking to his daughter. I know. So wrong. So how do you get, I mean, now listen. I'd say he made a mistake. He apologized for it. And for me, in my mind, well. Over. But I think that in the game of politics, they're not going to, they're going to just rake that over the cold. I don't agree. Marion Barry was caught on video smoking crack cocaine and was reelected as mayor of, I mean, buying, smoking, crack cocaine. Yeah. And they're like, ah, come on back. But he had already proved himself in office and they love him. Yeah. I think Alec had a bad day. I think he had a real bad day. And I think he screwed up. I heard from so many parents when that happened, you know.

2:14:56I played that when it happened. And I heard from so many parents that were defending it. Yeah. Saying it sounded like he had a bad day. You know, we didn't play. He goes on to call her a pig and, you know. GD this. Yeah. Now, here's the thing. You know, I don't think, you can't talk to your agent that way. You shouldn't. You know, as a man, grown man, you certainly can't say it to, you know, your wife, a woman, and you can't say it to your daughter. It's a little kid woman. Young lady. A kid woman. Can't do that to a kid woman. No. A woman kid. A woman kid. You can't do that. Not as a big man. Not as a man adult. Man adult. Yeah. He's a big man adult. Yeah. He's a big man adult. Grown up man. You know, you can't do that. I don't know what the dude's record is.

2:15:49Besides that, I mean, if that's the only blemish. 0-4. He's 0-4. He's 0-4. If that's the only really black mark on his career slash legacy slash personality, I'd be okay with it. I have a hell of a lot more on mine. Michael Vick, you believe. should never be allowed to play in the NFL again. No, don't start this. Mikey. I know Mike. Yeah, exactly. Stir a pot real good. Yeah, if he had electrocuted or held his daughter's head underwater or picked her up over his head and slammed her to the ground until she died, I'd have a problem with it. But calling her a pig. He screwed up. I've said some nasty things to some people before. Sticks and stones. No, you've never heard dogs, which is true. But because you've said nasty things to people. Yeah, then I can forgive it. Yeah, sticks and stones will break my bones. Words will never hurt. Yes, they will. All right. HM, we love you. Thank you for coming in. And thank you for telling us your story. I can't wait to get the update and find out what's happening with this guy. I want a call in the next couple days. I want to know what this chump did at the airport. I want to see if he brought some flowers or something. HM, what is your nationality? Costa Rican.

2:17:00You are from... But my mom's from here. Your family is Costa Rican, though. My dad is Costa Rican. Okay, okay. And so you... That means rich coast, by the way, Mike. Really? Yes. Yeah. Also means I can stay there as long as I want. Oh, that's nice. Dual citizenship, huh? Maybe he's dedicating this song to you right now, Baby Come Back. By whom? Are we going to... Player. Player. Uh... We got so much still to do. This is good. I want to tell you about Jay at the grocery store yesterday with his wife, Kim, because something happened in there that we can all relate to seeing. We can all, maybe some of us can relate to doing it. I would never do it. Jay would never do it. Some people would do it. Why are you looking at me? We'll tell you what it is next. Going to tell you about what happened with... Jay and his wife, Kim, yesterday at the grocery store in just a second. See what you think about this and if you've ever done this, especially if you're a parent. And I got to introduce the show to you so that you know who we are. There are five of us. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. L-O-B is our assistant producer. Our news girl is Sienna. Our producer is Jay. And our phone screener is Chris. That's Krah. That's Krah.

2:19:03He looks at us like, shut up. Shut up. L.O.B., has my brother written you to ask you about your tattoo removal? He hasn't written me yet. Is he thinking about getting it done? No, but he's asked me. So you must have put something on Facebook about it. I have. I put something on Facebook about it. I went yesterday for my second treatment. And this time it just felt like I got like a... shot at the doctor or something like that. Really? It's so much better the second time around and it's healing a lot faster. So you go for a few of them? Yeah, you have to go for a couple. I have, now mine's pretty new and it has a lot of color in it so I've got to go for a couple but I've seen like Adele, our salesperson, she just has an older one and it's just the black ink and it's completely faded already after one session. Really? She was in and out in five minutes. I have a little more detail on mine. But yeah, hers is already faded after one session. Wow. Oh wow, I want to do it. Oh, it's... I have one on my leg that I want to get rid of. Oh, you should. It's the one that... It's supposed to say Matthew 1128. It says Matt Hugh. Matt 1128. Is it black ink? Mm-hmm. Yeah, that... Those seem to do a lot better. Yeah, now that I'm in there and I feel like I'm like an old pro and I was like, so what kind of like laser hair removal? I feel like... I feel so like strong and tough because I'm like, eh, this doesn't bother me. It's no pain. I would cry, I'm sure. No, you wouldn't.

2:20:26It seems like it's going to be a lot worse than it is, but I'm telling you, the tattoo was a lot more painful itself. Maybe I get the flaming softball off my back, finally. Yeah. Think about it. I don't. It's a sun, but my boys used to call it a flaming softball. The only reason they said that is because it does. It does it. It's just a very cool sun I picked off the wall. Oh, wow. So Jay and his wife, Kim. went to the grocery store yesterday and he sees a mom telling about a three or a four-year-old kid, boy or girl? It was a boy. They're having a little argument about candy and how much candy the kid's going to have, right? So they're like yelling at each other or is it even that bad? Yeah, the kid is like, no, you know, I want these candy. You know, just giving it right back to mom. The mom was, you know, she was like, no, you know, you don't want to have blah, blah, blah. And the kid's just insistent. And so the mom gave in. She caved. Oh, boy. Because it was easier. Woods? Yeah. Woods definitely will. I will. Oh, you don't. I'm a big Sally when it comes to that stuff. It ruins everything. I know it does. And, you know, whatever. I do at times with Jenna. But I think there's a time and a place. Sometimes it's okay if it's not that big of a deal. Well, if it's not that big of a deal, you should have said yes in the first place. Yeah, yeah. But, no, you can disagree with something. And then, like, you acquiesce to.

2:21:54people's like, like demand, not demands per se, but like in a meeting or something, if we're like selling you, you're like, okay, fine. But that's different than saying no, right? Like, yeah, I guess it's true. You know what I mean? Because you never say, no, we are not doing that idea. And then we're like, no, come on, come on. Also, his kid's not selling him on, here's the reasons that I need that toy. That's true. X, Y, Z. I don't know. I mean, I don't see it. I think there's a lot worse thing. Like, it bothers me worse in public to see a parent, like, slap their kid. That I'd be like, oh, wow, she caved. Well, now we're talking about. That's two different things. But you know what I'm saying? I would say, I'd go, oh, wow, she caved. Good little salesman. But the conditioning is, you know, kids are very cause and effect. Okay, if I do this, I'll get this. If I do this, this will happen. For the rest of their lives. Yeah. And they won't just do it with their mom and dad. They'll do it with everybody. Exactly. So now they've turned into a pain in their butt. Well, yeah, I'm going to rename Rye Rye, our son Ryan, rename him Cry Cry. Oh, boy. Since that's what he likes to do.

2:22:57I thought Luke was a crier. They flipped. They've switched now. Totally flipped. Oh, no. They'll flip again. They'll continue to flip back. Yeah, that's what I heard. Maybe he saw how well it was working for Luke and he's like, maybe I get some attention over here. And then Luke heard him and he's like, God, that guy sounds like a Sally. Am I doing that? I'm not going to do that anymore. And then the vicious circle. I don't want to, I'm not going to rabbit hole us too much, aren't I? But Luke was running in the kitchen yesterday and ran. Oh, no. He ran full speed. into the oven handle, which is stainless steel. Stainless steel. He ran full speed into it. And it was one of these. It was mouth open, no sound. Ooh, this is the worst. Because you know it's a volcano. Or I just am like, breathe, breathe, breathe. Mouth open, beet red face, no sound, and then... Oh, I bet. I bet he has a...

2:24:00He's got a bump on his head today. He probably does. Trauma. But I'm telling you, I said to Rebecca, I go, as weird as this sounds, and this was after, I go, as weird as this sounds, I go, I think it's kind of good for him. It teaches him not to do what he was doing. Now he'll know a little bit better. You think he will, though? He probably doesn't even know what him. That's why kids have to do that in order to figure stuff out. That's true. And then the other thing is, is that I honestly, I think that pain builds character. I do. You gotta be tough. He's got a lot of character then. He's on the phone. That's my one-year-old son, Luke. Did you just say? Pain builds what? Pain builds character. You like pain a lot, don't you? I don't, Lukey. I don't think anybody does. You ever just neglect your kids? What? I don't neglect you. Yeah, I have a giant welt on my forehead from running into the oven. I'm sure my dad was cooking enchiladas or something in there. That's racist. Lukey, you're Mexican. Luke. I'm not Mexican. You are Mexican. I'm half. Half Mexican. But Lukey, it teaches you. It teaches you to be careful, to not run. You're supposed to teach me that.

2:25:19Well, you know, you can't just say to a kid, hey, listen, you know, you're going to hit your head. You can. It's not building character. It's giving me a headache. I feel like I just got back from a night in TJ. You've never had a night in TJ? I've never had a night. So you wouldn't have any idea what a night in TJ would be like? I've read books and stories about it. I've talked to Uncle Woods about it. I know that this is exactly what it feels like. I feel like death. And, you know, I just don't think it's really. I don't think it's really cool to, you know, have the oven there. You know, I'm growing. I'm growing every day. Do you suggest, what are you suggesting, that we move the oven? Yes, I am. Wow. I eat all organic Hungarian food every night. You don't. No, you don't. No, you don't. You don't eat all. Speaking of weed. Oh, boy. All right. Thank you, Luke. Thank you, Luke. Thanks for calling. Where's Jake? One-year-old son, Luke. Thanks, Luke. Don't know. Uh-uh. Don't ask the question. It's ridiculous. What time do you get off today? Hello? You ask. You ask that every time you call. And I get off the same time. Every day. What time are you going to be home? I don't know. Really? We had a big meeting today. We have a big meeting today. Weird. Weird. Are you being sarcastic when you say weird? Yes. You ever just not want to come home? I do.

2:26:54Come home, and I do want to come home, and that's ridiculous. Gotta keep food on the table. You get to sack about six. Cool. Listen. Can't wait to play ball with you in the yard. Really? He hung up. He hung up. That's Luke. He has a bump on his head. He's in a bad mood. Yeah. A little boo-boo. He's passive-aggressive. Man, I dread those cries and those falls and those injuries. Rebecca puts their food. on their little high chair in front of them. And Ryan, I hope this isn't one of those stories. Man, I really hope this isn't one of those stories that I tell and people go, that's great. I don't care. It's not my kid. I don't care. I really hope it isn't. And I need you to tell me. We'll tell you. Please, Sienna. I beg you to be honest. But she's got a kid. I have a baby, so I'm probably like, oh, yeah. As someone who doesn't have a kid, I'll tell you. And Ryan, she gives him cut up little pieces of fruit and she gives him a little pasta. And Ryan takes the pasta and like a pig everywhere. It's everywhere. It's all over his hands. It's all over his face. It's in his hair. It's everywhere. And you look at Luke's little high chair and everything in front of him is like a serial killer. Perfectly organized. Perfectly organized. He never smears it. And he picks it up with his...

2:28:21index finger and his thumb one by one. Aww. Wow. You're in trouble, dude. I look at it, I know, and I look at that. I look at that and I go, look at that. That's wild. Yeah. He's a year old and everything's like, everything's perfectly, like he doesn't want it dirty, he doesn't want it messed up, he wants it organized. Sounds like his dad. I know it. Wild. How crazy is it? Anyway, the thing with the buckling, don't buckle, man. Yeah, never buckle. You say to your kids, no. When they're that age, though, like four, three. Don't even take them to the grocery store if you can avoid it because they want everything. Yeah. We used to, like I said in my blog, I was like, we used to, if our kids did that, we would just shut down and we would leave. We would leave baskets of groceries. It's the right thing to do. Absolutely. And just go outside. That's great for the workers of the grocery store. Well, we'd go back in if we got it all settled down. Just kidding. I don't care. What if you just said going in, look, you're allowed to pick one treat for yourself. Oh, yeah. One, and that's it. That's good. That was standard. Jenna knows that now.

2:29:26See, this is like Rebecca will have these little rules that I go, oh, man, that's genius. How'd you think of that? She's the planner ahead. You got to tell kids ahead of time what's going to happen. Use the fire beforehand. Yeah, exactly. That's really good. I'm going to remember that. Tell your kids beforehand everything that's coming up. Bribe them before. Try going to Target with little kids. They're like, let me look at the toy section, please. You know, I went with... Our friends, John and Liz, their little boy, Brady, I took him to Target. I saw them in Target. I took him to Target one time, and Lizzie and Jamie went shopping for whatever, panties or bras or something, tampons, whatever. Purses. Purses. Makeup. I took Brady to the toy aisle. Well, yes, he did weasel a toy out of me because I am a big softie. We looked. And he's like, I want this. I want this. I want this. I want this. I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I'm, you know, I'm having a childhood. I'm going to be broke. I'm going to be the worst. Because I can't say no. I can't say no. Jenna, she knows that, you know, sometimes I'll give her, she'll get a toy. Usually I'll give her a toy. And so she knows, you know, I get one choice. So she'll spend half an hour looking at every.

2:30:41Single stinking toy. She's very wise. And I remember, man, I remember being a kid and loving that. And I remember thinking to myself, why are my parents such jerks? And why can't they just agree to this? Why can't they just provide me what I want? I want this. And why can't they just give it to me? And why don't they find this as interesting as I do? And now, as an adult, I realize, like, oh, man, I get it. Like, this is boring. Toys are boring for an adult. For a kid, they can look at them all day long. Holy cow, is it boring stuff. And your kid's going to play with it that day and then never play with it again. And we know that. And leave it on the ground for you to step on and waste your money. I played something called Caribou Island with Jake the other day. Gosh. Darn it, man, for Jake. It was like going someplace incredible. Disneyland. For me, it was like, really, this is a game? Next time, don't concentrate on the game. Just look at him. That's what I do. Kids are like, again, again, and they want it a million times. I just started to concentrate on getting a kick out of them. Woods, ever play football with Jake 150,000 times? Christmas dinner.

2:32:06I dressed nice. It was a nice dinner and I had a nice button down tucked in. By the time I left, I looked like I got out of a brawl in a bar. My hair was all messed up. I was sweating. You got to give him a number. We did. But then we would eat and he's like, can we play football again? I'm like, okay. No, Uncle Woods is tired. We'll play tomorrow. We started getting these toys that are kind of educational a little bit. I mean, not too educational. Jasper loves them. He got Jasper an abacus. He wanted a calculator, but I got him an abacus. I built it. I built it out of scratch. I'll take a picture of what he built. I took some old pinto beans. I ran a string through them. I made an abacus. He loves it. That's awesome. Yeah, I made him a car out of some rocks. That's fantastic. How are we doing on time? Okay, let's do this real quick, and then we'll come back. I want to tell you about yesterday, Woods brought up how a couple of massage therapists are suing Brett Favre for some sexting, right? Some more sell-doning. There you go. And could their attorneys have something to explain what makes these charges a little bit more ironclad? We'll see. We'll see. Someone just jumped off a diamond car. I know. The graphic design guy, Jared, called him.

2:34:07And I said, the business cards that you did for me, I said, I put this email on there. I said, and as it turns out, every time I hand those cards out to somebody, I always take the card, turn it over, and write a different email on the back. Because I prefer that they have that email. I made a mistake. He had that thing changed. And the new cards produced and sent to me within two days? Of course he did. Boom. Guy's got the fastest turnaround rate of anyone I've ever seen. It's incredible. I don't think he sleeps. I know it. He was here our entire Mikey time. He was. Updating, updating, updating. It's a beast. So anyway, if you would like for Jared to work for you and do for you the stuff that he does for us, go to his website.

2:35:06CreateYourDesignOnline.com. CreateYourDesignOnline.com. He is incredible at what he does. He'll do your business cards. He'll do your website. He'll do any graphic design. And in my mind, and I mean this with every ounce of sincerity, in my mind, I cannot imagine. going to anybody else to do those things. I mean, I just, I cannot. When you have the best. Dude, not only the best, but just like the whole thing. I want to be working with Jared the rest of my career, the rest of my life. You know, I mean, the guy is just incredible. Just trust him to get it done. Whenever I send something over to him, I know I don't have to worry about following up or making sure he does it right. Createyourdesignonline.com. She's absolutely right. So, yeah. there's a couple of massage therapists now that are saying, yeah, Brett Favre, when I gave him a massage, he would text me inappropriate stuff too. As a massage therapist, he would text me. Now, if it's on their text, there's not much that can be done. I mean, it's proof. I'm going to say something that maybe I shouldn't say. Wow. I don't know. This is a Jets.

2:36:28Massage therapists? Uh-uh. Oh, okay. I think they were brought in. Okay, I was going to say, maybe you don't hire really good-looking chicks to work with a bunch of testosterone athletes. Football players. Away from their wives. Yeah. There might be something to that. I mean, that's really, that's not fair to a good-looking girl, but. Yeah, I mean, but at the same time, that's just the reality of the situation, right? Mail masseuse. Yeah. Anyway, this is Elizabeth Ellender. She's the. An attorney for one of the massage therapists that's suing Brett. He was propositioning my client and another massage therapist repeatedly. One of my clients showed the text messages to her husband, Mr. Scavo. He contacted Brett Favre, who was inappropriate. He was very arrogant, used some choice language. This happened in 2008. Why are they coming forward now? It's clear that there's no change going on. Which one? The one that asked the question? It happened in 2008. Why are they happening now? It's not exactly like Rebecca. It sounds like Rebecca talking to L.O.B. Yeah. Like her voice, the sound of her voice? Yes. The attorney sounds like L.O.B. She does? Yeah. Jersey. What happened in 2008? Why are they coming forward now? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Really? That sounds like Rebecca. Yes. Again. Again. Again.

2:37:49Use some choice language. This happened in 2008. Why are they coming forward now? Oh, my God. That's crazy. That is Rebecca. That's Rebecca. She has a side gig. You go to sleep. Wow. That's what she sounds like. You don't hear that? Oh, wow. Oh, wow. But this is what I do know. A lot of times, because you know somebody so well, you don't. But you know what I mean? So it probably does sound like her. Yeah. It's clear that there's no... change going on at the Jets. And it's not right. And it happens to be illegal. Yeah, it happens to be illegal. Here's the thing, though. It's strange to me that your wife comes home. She says, look what Brett Favre texted to me. Then you call Brett and you confront him and go, hey, quit saying this to my wife. Brett is very arrogant with you. And you are hush hush about it. You don't say anything about it. Like you go, OK, be arrogant with me. Be a jerk about hitting on my wife. And I'll just stay quiet about that. Seems weird. What is illegal about hitting on somebody? Nothing is. But I guess if you're the husband, though. Right. And somebody as well known as Brett Favre is hitting on your wife. OK. And you know he's a married man. Yeah.

2:39:10and you call him to give him a piece of your mind, you would think that if he's cool back to you and he goes, hey, man, sorry about that. My bad. Shouldn't have been doing that. Blah, blah, blah. Okay. If you're the husband, maybe you go, all right, well, don't let it happen again. And you kind of blow it off. Yeah. But if you call Brett Favre to give him a piece of your mind about hitting on your wife, and he's a D, and he starts getting arrogant with you. I don't know. It just seems odd to me that you're like not going to tell the world. Where are you going to blow the whistle? You blow the whistle on Facebook. You blow the whistle on Twitter. You blow the whistle to anybody that'll hear it. It's like that husband holds the golden ticket. Of course. But it's not against the law. Maybe the guy didn't want to cash in. Yeah, but Brett Favre, he knows better. You know, then if someone were to be like, hey, man, look at this. I have something he knows better than to just be a jerk. Yeah. In today's society, after Tiger Woods, he's going to be like, well, I'm sorry, and do whatever he can to get that in the right way. Let's squash this. You want some money? You want some Wranglers? I'll give you some Wranglers. I'll give you as many Wranglers as you want. Yeah. What size do you wear? Yeah, what do you wear? 34? Are you 34? I'll bring them over. I'll give you box seats to the next game, you know? Of course. Bring your wife. Yeah, I guess. So, I don't know. He knows better. This is, you know.

2:40:27But LOB said this earlier, and I agree. LOB's like, hey, look, if there's text messages, you can't do anything about it. Like, that's proof. If there's actual text messages, yeah. Yeah, it's proof. Like, you can't do anything about that. That is as ironclad as it gets. Or maybe the husband and the wife went to the Jets, and the Jets were like, easy. Like, take it easy. And maybe that's part of it. Because what she said, what that attorney said was, it's clear that nothing has changed over at the Jets. Saying that they just... turn a blind eye to it. And that has been the wrap. That has been the deal on the Jets is that they don't care and that they turn their back to things like that when things like that happen. And like that reporter, the Mexican reporter. Yes. Inez with the nice derriere. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That happened with the Jets too. That's right. That makes my mouth water. I forgot about that one. By the way, Rich Rodriguez, the head coach at Michigan, has been fired now. Oh, wow. But it wasn't yesterday when it was reported. Do you think he slept well last night? No, I do not. Hey, this is unusual. Two days in a row, Fruitcake is on the line. What? Hello. Hi, Fruitcake. How are you? I'm fine. For those of you that don't know, we first heard from Fruitcake.

2:41:50End of last year. Before Christmas. Before Christmas. Holiday fruitcake. He was bummed because no one would eat him. That's right, Jay. And, yeah, was calling in, kind of doing some self-promotion, hoping to get sold. But has not been sold since 1974. Been on the shelf. That's a long time. At Vaughn's. At Vaughn's since 1974. Mike, I'm hearing you talk about... Mikey. I'm hearing you talk about sports. Uh-huh. I'm here. I'm sorry if I interrupt you. I'm pissed off. I'm peeved. Okay. I'm perturbed. What's the matter? And my panties are in a bunch. What's... Fruitcake, what's wrong? Well, I've heard all kinds of sports stories. I've heard Rich Rodriguez, whoever the hell that is. I've heard... Former head coach now of Michigan. I don't care less. I've heard about Brett Favre and all his... It's not Favre. It's Favre. Favre. Uh-huh, yeah. Which is actually not a bad idea. Okay, and... I think that you and Mr. Woods have, you know, forgotten the most important sports story of the day. We talked about, oh, we talked about the Ohio State. Yeah, that's pretty big. No, Mike, I'm not talking about the Sugar Bowl. The Chargers? The Heat doing well? Yeah, the Heat went in 12 out of 13. Phillip Rivers. About the Chargers. What? He's going to be in L.A. anyway. Who cares? Oh. Okay. Who cares? Do you ever just hang on to something and, you know.

2:43:16Still not support them? I mean, ridiculous. Do you ever just use phrases that Woods uses? Like, do you ever just? That very handsome devil you have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hire of yours. Yeah, so anyway. Fruitcake, what did we forget to mention? Well, Olympic gold medalist Evan Elizacek says he will not be competing at the U.S. Figure Skating Championships later this month, and you guys didn't even talk about it. Oh. And I'm pissed. Is that the guy that dresses with all the flair and everything? Yes, Lauren. He's an Olympic gold medalist. You know what gold is? It's better than silver and it's better than bronze. Not better than platinum. What? First of all. Settle down. Well, he's not competing, and you didn't even talk about it, and he's on his way to Japan on Tuesday for the Stars on Ice shows there, and he's not competing in the U.S. Figures getting championships. Wow. Fruitcake. Take a breath. Don't tell me what to do. With all due respect, Fruitcake. What?

2:44:19American figure skating is not necessarily one of the biggest sports stories. You are a Mexican. What the hell do you know about American sports? He's American. Take it easy. I was born in Guam, for the love of God. U.S. territory. That's a true statement. I was born in Guam. You're way too upset, Fruitcake. I'm furious. You're going to pop a cherry. Yeah. Oh. Wow. I don't think he's going to be doing that. I don't think so. Oh, wow. You just got that, Mike. I walked right into that. You just got that. Oh, really? All right. That was fantastic. Thank you. Fruitcake. Fruitcake. Fruitcake. You're going to blow a nut. You're going to blow a nut. Jay. Oh, good lord. That's another bad one. It gets even worse. You're going to blow a pineapple. You're going to burst at the seams. You're going to burst at the seams. I'm serious. All right, fruitcake. Well, I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. You're getting upset. I didn't mean for you to get that upset. It really bothers me. Listen, you were upset. You called. I'll ask you.

2:45:40One of the national championships. Well, I'm glad you asked, Mike. They are January 27th. They're in Greensboro, North Carolina. Okay. As you may or may not know, Greensboro, North Carolina is quite the hub for figure skating. Is it? You know, this will be the first time since 1998 that Evan... Are you reading? No. Fruitcake. He will not be competing at nationals. And he is... You're reading, Fruitcake. I can hear it in your voice. Some fan you are. Some fan. This is part of your 15 minutes, Fruitcake. Is that it? We can't cover everything. Could you do it? Your problem shouldn't be with me, Fruitcake. Your problem should be with Mr. Woods. Woods is my favorite part of the show. Hang up the phone. This is ridiculous. Thank you. Get him back. Fruitcake. Don't let him talk to us like that. It must have been a bad connection. It must have been a bad connection with Fruitcake. You don't get good service in grocery stores. Especially if you're on an iPhone. Breaking news. Michigan has in fact fired Rich Rodriguez.

2:47:05As suspected, three seasons as head coach didn't do very well. What's going on? We got smoothies from Jamba. I took the good ones. I took the good ones. I got the mango before you guys even got to see them. I always get berries. Do we know why? I don't know why they brought them by. That's amazing. I love that. They like us. We go there a lot. They have to be some kind of new, healthy. Chris brought them in the break room. Save this for something. Down. Come out here. Talk. Talk. They're in the break room. They're visiting us right now. That's killer. Way to look out. So they left five specifically for the Mikey show because they love us. That's very nice. Six because they included Chris. Hey, yesterday, Sienna was talking about how dead birds and fish have been showing up in Arkansas. Yeah, thousands. And they were like, what is this about? Why are these things?

2:48:04Only one kind of bird. A special, like, red-winged... I forget. I don't have a certain word. Something like that. Red-winged, red and black bird. Here's a woman that saw him around her house. I have outdoor pets, and I just assumed they were bringing them from... Sexy accent. I don't care what anybody... You could say it as much. I married one. I think that the southern... They have beautiful hair. The southern accent, I think, is a very, very sexy accent. It is. Certain. Southern accents. I hear it every night. Sometimes it goes too far. Nope. Even when it's redneck. Your wife has a beautiful one. Even when it's redneck. Your wife does have a beautiful one. Oh, boy. Oh, wow. Around the neighborhood. When I started seeing more and more, I thought this has got to be something. Would you be relieved to know that it was nature? Yes. Yes. What kind of question is that? Very. It's creepy. Creepy. Do they now know why, Sienna, this was happening? Well, they've been saying this since yesterday is that it was because it happened on New Year's Eve. They woke up on New Year's Day and all these birds were all over the ground and they thought it was fireworks. Maybe they had some sort of a trauma from all the fireworks going off. But there's a bunch of different theories. There's more in Louisiana. There's 500 more. So it happened in Kentucky and Louisiana? Arkansas. And just yesterday was in Louisiana.

2:49:30And rough-talked him and run him off. And it's not just birds. There's fish, too. And now fish are dead in more states as well. They thought power lines. That's what I read. They thought possibly power lines. Hail, thunder. If something scared them, they'd all go together in a flock and then all come down in a flock. Thousands. Birds of a feather. You know, people thought maybe they were poison, but I guess they weren't after tests. How do you know that the... toothbrush was invented not in Arkansas. Because if it was invented in Arkansas, they would have called it the teeth brush. Well played. Thank you. Yeah, that was weird. Wait, I totally botched that. Yeah, you did. Son of a... I was like, I don't even get that at all. I booted it. Because they only have one tooth. Yeah, how do you know the toothbrush was invented in Arkansas? Right, was. Because anywhere else it would have been called the teeth brush. So much better the second time. The third time was the best. I'm really glad you cleared that up. Thank you. Thank you very much. I'll be here all week. I'm going to use that. You should. You should use it. You can have at it. Oh, boy. Lady Gaga is the top magazine seller of 2010. Weird. You want to know who's not?

2:50:48Who's not the top seller? Yeah, and who's, in fact, a bad magazine seller. Abe Vigoda. Betty White. No, Betty White would be a great magazine seller. Taylor Swift cannot sell a magazine. I wonder why. Can't she? Put her on Playboy and see how many of that sells. She's the same. Oh, please. I'm serious. You put her on Playboy? A billion copies. He's right. A billion. He is right because. Smuggling Tic Tacs. What? I mean, it takes one to know him. You know what I want to know? I'm going to look this up because do you remember there was a story months ago about Playboy putting golden tickets to the Playboy Mansion in their December issue? I never saw an update on that. I'm going to find it. I got one. You have an update? A golden ticket. No, a golden ticket. He was like, Willy Wonka, you have a golden ticket. My wife wouldn't let me go. I gave it away. No, don't make up lies. You're a liar. You're just lying now. Do you get it? Do you ever say stuff that pops in your head? Yeah. At the end of the show, apparently. I have no filter. Uh-oh. Maybe we break. No more. Oh. Do I ever just play a song? No more. Loose. Loosey-goosey. Milly-nilly. Like this song. Never heard it. Slumdog Millionaire? Oh, yeah.

2:52:17It's a good movie. You know they're making a new Spider-Man when his stuntman got hurt real bad? Did you hear about that? Was that the one in the Broadway play? I think it's a Broadway play. Oh, it's not the movie. They've been plagued with all kinds of things. It's been a train wreck. Really? The lead quit. Oh, my gosh. No way. The lead girl quit. Okay, well, I guess we have a clip of one of the guys that got hurt. Oh, man. Play it for me. You know what I realized yesterday? My wife's been trying to teach me this for a long time. It's just that I'm finally really becoming on board with it. If you have an issue with something and you can't figure it out, Google it. Duh. Give me an example. It doesn't matter what it is, Sienna. I'm telling you. An issue with something? Yeah. If something's broke or if you can't get something. But even not even that.

2:53:48I have this really amazing thing that isn't of me because you guys know my memory is the worst, right? Yeah. I mean, it's the absolute worst. Like, I can't remember. You remember everything from your childhood, but nothing from five minutes ago. Incredible long-term memory, okay? But short-term, none. Gone. Except in one area. Bible verses. Yes. I can go boom, boom, boom and rattle them off. I know exactly where they are. which is this thing that I actually pray about and I can do. Well, Rebecca can't do it. And she will ask me all the time, what is this Bible verse? What is this Bible verse? And I'll tell her what it is. But she says, when I'm not around, she Googles it. Okay, well, so that's one example, right? And all she has to put in there is, what's the verse about the woman at the well? And it'll come up. Okay, well, I'm not just talking that. I'm talking like if you have something, anything that's good. And it took me forever to get on this train. Why? Because I was like, if it were that easy, everybody would be doing it. And I don't hear everybody telling me that they just Google everything. What? Dude, where you been? I guess. I thought Google's purpose. I thought Google's purpose was I'm trying to find a website. Oh, my gosh.

2:55:15You want to know an acronym? Yeah. My little brother told me over the Christmas break, because we were talking about something, and he was like, JFGI. Oh, wow. JFGI. And I was like, what? Just effing Google it. Google it. It's so true. Genius. On the air, whenever we're talking about something, you're like, oh, whatever happened with that? I just go to Google. Like, just now, I said Hugh Hefner Golden Tickets, because we were like, did he sell them out of the magazine? And I didn't find anything. But that's what you do. Now, see, that makes sense to me, because you're looking for something. Web related. And that's all I've ever thought that Google is good for is something web related. Yesterday, I just got a new microphone yesterday for the house. And I plug the thing in and I open up GarageBand, which is a program that records music. And I can't hear anything on GarageBand. And I've gone through every single process, everything I can possibly think of. Nothing's working. And I go, oh yeah, Rebecca says Google it. And I'm like, but I know it's not going to work because what am I going to Google? GarageBand isn't making noise? Because that's what's happening. And I'm like, fine, I'm going to Google that. So I Googled GarageBand isn't making noise. I found it. I found a freaking video that's like, if this happens, and I'm like, holy cow. Dude, you know the PS3? Yeah. It didn't have sound.

2:56:41I would put a game in, and I'd play, and I wanted the sound of the football players hitting each other. And I'm like, I looked, I was, I can't, I went to the store, got a new HDMI cable. I'm like, it's got to be the cable. Tried that one, that didn't work. I'm like, son of a, and so Jamie Googles it. Five minutes. Oh, yeah. Sound. Full sound, everything. It's incredible. Todd couldn't get his Atari that he got for Christmas to work. So he Googled it. And an Atari, as old as that was, there was a step-by-step video showing you what to do. Incredible. My friend Russ got a computer and it was busted, but it was a good computer. And it was busted. The screen wouldn't come on. He just Googled. What do you do with a Mac with a broken screen? It taught him what to do. He's got a brand new Mac now because of it. I bet Joey or Chandler probably.

2:57:34broke the screen on that before he got it from them. I would imagine. Yeah, Rachel, she was up to no good in that room. She probably knocked it over. Something more like Phoebe would do. That's true. Yeah, Mike's friends are Russ and Rachel. I noted that. She was playing a smelly cat. She was playing a smelly cat. Russ of Russ and Rachel. And then Monica was like, I told you to clean this up. Exactly. And Joey came in and he was eating a sandwich. He said, how are you doing? Yeah, the fat, ugly, naked guy. Chandler was all neurotic and making bad jokes. Ross was just getting divorced real good. Talking about dinosaurs. His wife was a lesbian. Purposely didn't say Rachel. I know. I know you didn't. I wanted to bring it up. Russ and Rachel. Russ and Rachel are my friends. They were cursed with being named Russ and Rachel and getting married. And now everyone that they meet says... Oh my gosh, like Ross and Rachel. And his name is not even Ross. It's not Ross. The funniest thing, she dated a guy named Ross. And it was David Schwimmer dressed, it sounded just like him. One of the greatest episodes. Wow, I'm a big Friends fan. If you're a friendie, you are a friendie. I've seen them all. He tans. I know. If they ever have a daughter, please don't name her Emma. Oh yeah. Oh wow, what could that be? What is it? It's Chris.

2:58:56Is that weird? What is that up there on line one? That looks weird. It does. Happy New Year has history with you. M1 special guest? What is that? I don't know. M1 special guest? Now, I haven't done this in a while, so I want to make sure I get it right. P-H-I to the L-L-Y. Yes! Philly Zwing! Yeah, baby! Listen, Philly's Finest. Yesterday, my wife goes, it's almost the end of the week and I haven't heard Philly's Finest call in. Because Philly's Finest, for those of you that don't know, is a long time listener. And I had told her that, you know, Philly's Finest and I talked during the break. He's an old listener. And I was reaching out to a lot of old listeners saying, hey, man, I want you back. And yeah, and it's funny because somebody wrote and said,

2:59:58that they thought that that was because of ratings. It's not because of ratings. It is not because of ratings. It's because I'm coming out of my shell and I'm not freaked out. You know, I used to be very freaked out and I'm not freaked out anymore. And I've kind of come full circle with everything that happened with the old station. And, you know. Miss your friends. You want to be cool with all your friends. Would I ever let a homeboy down? Dude, I love it. I love it. It's so great to hear your voice, man. I'm just glad everything's working out all right for you. Happy New Year. Oh, my God. So many different things that I can say right now, but keep it quick. Keep it concise. Love it. Good 2011. Much success. I'm just glad that everything's cool with you. Oh, dude. That's so great. And thank you. And it's awesome to hear your voice. I love it. All right, man. You'll probably be hearing it a heck of a lot more. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Near you. Love it. Near you. Near you. There you go. Thank you, Philly's Finest. Bye, dude. We love you. Bye. We'll see you. There he is. That's great. Solid. Hillary is in the studio. Good morning. Yeah, good morning.

3:01:20Good morning. How are you? I'm great, you guys. What do you have coming up here? Well, the new Cage the Elephant record is one of our January recommended, so I'm going to play a song on it called Aberdeen. Nice. Also, the new Everest, that show we're doing on the 11th. Six bucks are about the music show. It's almost sold out. I heard they are filthy good lives. So good. You might have a man crush on them. Really? Yeah. Everest. And some Arcade Fire good stuff. I love man crushes. Me too. Lovely and talented Hillary is coming up next and we'll come back tomorrow morning at 6 and we'll do the whole thing all over again. The Mikey Show is out.