The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 01/09/12
Monday, January 9, 2012
hot wing eatinghabanero saucefacebook timeline changestim tebow nfl playoffsbeyonce hospital floor rentalbungee jump crocodile infested watername that tune movie trailersairline rankings and complaintscrisco prank english muffinnickname bits doorknob cradlemicrosoft gps avoid ghettoincorporator word game
The Mikey Show broadcast featured co-hosts Mikey, Woods, L.O.B. and Jay discussing a wide range of topics including hot wing eating challenges, Facebook timeline changes, Tim Tebow's playoff run with 'T-Boat' chant, Beyonce's hospital floor rental for birth, a bungee jump cord snap in crocodile-infested water, a Name That Tune movie trailer game won by Woods, airline rankings with American ranked worst, a Crisco prank on an English muffin, nickname bits like 'doorknob' and 'Cradle', a Microsoft GPS 'avoid the ghetto' feature, and an attempted Incorporator word game that failed due to phone system issues. Listener calls covered dating tips, weight loss, and various personal stories, while the hosts engaged in playful debates on sports hype, privacy, and everyday annoyances.
What happened, in order
Hot Wing Challenge / Habanero Heat
Mike and Rebecca discuss eating the hottest wings, theory about flavor vs heat, Rebecca would have seized/hospital, habanero has flavor people like.
Seacrest Facebook Timeline / Hillcrest Mix-up
Discussion about Facebook's new timeline, L.O.B. says it's the death of Facebook, Ryan Seacrest confusion with Hillcrest, Mark Zuckerberg parody segment.
Tebow T-Boat Playoff Run
Discussion of Tim Tebow's playoff game, 'T-Boat' chant, debate on whether he's a gamer or just hype, 'all he does is win' repeated.
Beyonce Hospital Floor Rental
Debate about Beyonce and Jay-Z renting the entire fourth floor of a hospital for 1.3 million dollars for privacy, arguments about whether it's necessary or big time.
Bungee Cord Snap Crocodiles
Story of Erin Langworthy's bungee jump where cord snapped, she fell into crocodile-infested Zambezi River, survived, audio played on show.
Name That Tune Movie Trailers
The Mikey Show plays Name That Tune with movie trailer quotes, Mikey, Woods, and L.O.B. take turns guessing, Woods wins with Silence of the Lambs.
Dating Tips & Airline Rankings
Discussion on improving dating life, American ranked worst airline, rankings based on on-time, delays, baggage, etc., seat extender and baggage handling war stories.
Crisco English Muffin Prank
Jay pranks Woods by putting Crisco on his English muffin, Woods discovers it, 'paybacks are a B' debate, window writing story about 'I love D' and giant wiener drawn in dust.
Nickname Bits Doorknob Cradle
Mikey and Lauren discuss nickname bits they do to each other and listeners, examples like 'doorknob', 'Cradle' for Kim, fraternity initiation names like Beaker, driving people nuts.
Microsoft Avoid The Ghetto GPS
Discussion about Microsoft patenting an 'avoid the ghetto' feature on GPS, debate on whether people live in ghetto denial, stories about Inglewood and Gilroy areas.
Incorporator Game Attempt
Attempt to play the Incorporator bit where Woods must incorporate eight words called in by listeners into a phone call to an equipment rental place, phone system fails, chaotic attempt with words like carrot top and mans
People mentioned
mikeywoodsl.o.b.jayrebeccalauren o'brienmatt lauerryan seacrestmark zuckerbergnewt gingrichmitt romneytim tebowbeyoncejay-z
31,718 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
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Is it a challenge? See, I have a theory. I have a theory. I almost wish that it would taste that way and not feel that way. I have a theory that some people do it as a bit. Like, because they're like, look what I can do. Yeah, I can take your mile high sauce or whatever it is. I can take your nuclear meltdown sauce. But see, habanero has a flavor. And I like it. You like that taste of it. Yeah. Were you sweating? Oh, dude. See, that's not fun for me. It's good. It's good for you. It's a good sweat. Sweat while you eat. Oh, yeah. It was hot. Rebecca, my wife, same thing. It would have seized. It would have killed her. Yeah. It would have put me in the hospital. Oh, for sure. You've got to build up a tolerance to the heat. You do. Welcome to the Mikey Show. We're on at 530 now on 530 to 9. And you can call us, 570-1949. And we've got a big show for you today. A lot of stuff planned. One of the things that we wanted to update you on is, it's kind of sad, the Navy SEAL that had shot himself passed away. He was only 22 years old. And such a sad story. Tragedy. But he passed away. And if you didn't know the story, the deal was he had met a girl at a bar, went back to either his place or her place. His place. His place.
Had been drinking, was trying to show her this gun, put it to his head, and it was loaded. He thought it was unloaded. But they took him off life support on Saturday. He's survived by his parents and three sisters. Very, very sad. Heartbreaking, man. There was another Republican debate, and Newt Gingrich got one over. He was able to get one over on Mitt Romney. They're sitting there talking, and apparently Mitt was trying to let everybody know how altruistic he is. He's not in it for the politics. He's in it for the helping out of the people. And Newt Gingrich was like, really, with you? You're really going to pretend that that's who you are? This, for me, politics is not a career. For me, my career was... Being in business and starting a business and making it successful, my life's passion has been my family, my faith, and my country. I believe by virtue of the experiences I've had that I'm in a good position to make a contribution to Washington. I long for a day when instead of having people who go to Washington for 20 and 30 years who get elected, and then when they lose office, they stay there and make money as lobbyists or connecting to businesses. I think it stinks. I think when people go to Washington and serve Washington.
and serve as the people of their nation and go home. I'd like to see term limits in Washington. As the president of the United States, as the president of the United States, if I'm elected, of course I'll fight for a second term. There's a lot of work to be done. Take 30 seconds here to get in. I realize the red light doesn't mean anything to you because you're the front runner. But can we drop a little bit of the pious baloney? The fact is you ran in 94 and lost. That's why you weren't serving the Senate with... rick santorum the fact is you had a very bad reelection rating you dropped out of office you had been out of state for something like 200 days preparing to run for president you didn't have this interlude of pub citizenship while you thought about what to do you were running for president while you were governor you were going all over the country you were you were out of state consistently you then promptly re-entered politics you happen to lose to mccain
As you had lost to Kennedy. Now you're back running. You've been running consistently for years and years and years. So this idea that suddenly citizenship showed up in your mind. Just level with the American people. You've been running for at least since the 1990s. That's pretty good, man. Pretty good. And here's the deal. Like we said, the worst is when they're right. Yes. The worst is when they're right, you know. Darn it sucks when they're right. It sucks when they're right. And it gets you dead to rights. Apparently, if you're a fan of American Idol, they're going to have the 11th season. American Idol. The 11th season of American Idol may not have Ryan Seacrest. What? Well, think about it. This guy is blown up, man. Yes. I mean, he's huge. He's like 17 jobs. Yeah. And he's a producer. It's a Kardashian show. That's his show. Yeah. He does a radio show. He does all kinds of stuff. Now they're talking that he may be the successor of Matt Lauer on the Today Show? That's crazy. That's a bad move. Yes, I think it is. I think so, too. Lauer's a pimp, dude. Yeah. He is a pimp. Yeah. And he's usually a good interviewer. He's great. He goes after people. He's great. But anyway, so I guess they're in talks right now. Seacrest and Fox are in talks. Here's what the president of Fox Entertainment had to say. It's a tough negotiation and one that will come to a conclusion, I think.
Pretty quickly. Which if it's that side, it sounds like, yeah, we're not going to talk about this if that's what he wants. Michael. Yes? It's me, Ryan. Ryan, that's not at all what you sound like. I don't know why you're talking like that. I want you to know, Michael, that the bottom line for me is the bottom line. My name's Mikey, by the way. I need to get paid. All right. I know you need to get paid, but... Pay me. Why are you speaking like that? I've never heard you talk like that, ever. This is how I speak. Okay. But I've never heard you speak like that. I don't know why. It's not Hillcrest. It's Seacrest, not Hillcrest. I think it's... Is it? Hillcrest. It's Seacrest. Okay. Hillcrest. All right. Do your research. I knew Crest was... Was part of it. Was part of it. Pay me. L.O.B. said that she thought that the... I don't know if you've noticed this, but on Facebook, I changed my profile page to the new look. You sure did. And L.O.B. said... Yeah, the timeline. And LOB said, this is going to be the death of Facebook. Yep. It's horrible. I think she's right. I think you're right. It sucks. You don't want to visit that person's page. No, no. It's way too, it's sensory overload. It is. It's MySpace. It's like, it's selfish. It's narcissistic for the person that has it. Yes. It is, because it's not user-friendly for everybody else anymore. You know what my bit is, though? I just like new stuff.
So I was like, it's out there. I want to do it. Can you go back if you want? I don't know how. I don't know how to, because I wanted to put it on timeline for a second, and I couldn't figure out how to do it. Good thing. I want to go back. I can't. It's a jumbled mess. I looked at yours yesterday, and you can't edit it. You can't see anything. I can't edit it. I can't arrange it the way I want. You can't? No. I haven't figured out how. It seems to arbitrarily make some things big and other things little. necessarily have control over it. I can't figure out how to change things. You know what I do like is the one big picture. I like that big picture. I'm like, ooh, that's cool. That's cool. Big headline picture. Yeah. After that. After that. Terrible. The reason that people liked Facebook as opposed to MySpace was for the simplicity. Yeah. You're right. And the uniform, like, everyone's looked the same. Yes. And now it's all weird. Yeah. It's jumbled. I don't like it. Why would they fix something ain't broke? Why? That's what they do. They think it's cool. They're competing with blogs. They want you to have Facebook as a one-stop shop. They don't want you to have a blog. They want it to feel like it's your own personal website. They don't want you to have an email address. They want you to get all your news, information, blogging, all from Facebook. And I don't want to.
I don't want to do that. See what happens when you get greedy? Try to change it back. Mark Zuckerberg is here. Thank goodness. So what's the deal, Mark? Why do you do this? It wasn't broken. Why are you fixing it? It's better, Mike. It's not better. You might not have the intellectual power yet. You know, comprehend what it is, but believe you me, you'll catch up with the rest of the young people. Listen, I know what you're saying, but I don't understand it. I've spent time with it. I don't get it. L.O.B.'s right. Mark Zuckerberg, it ain't going to work, dude. Do you understand the Internet? Yes. Do you need me to break down what www means? No, I know what it means. Do you know what email is? Of course I do. I got it. Do you know what pictures are? Yes. Well, that's pretty much all you need to know, Mike. That's insulting me. Gosh. Quit crying, everyone. People ever complain when you change stuff? Hey, listen. I'm only complaining because it sucks. That's passive-aggressive. It does.
Woods, don't do it, man. Whatever you do, don't change yours. I tried. I couldn't figure it out. If I were at all savvy with building websites, I would take this opportunity to swoop in and overtake Facebook. Somebody probably will. I'd like Twitter better. Yeah, somebody will probably do it now. 570-1949 is our phone number if you want to give us a call. And you can also text us. 949mikey at gmail.com. What'd you guys do over the weekend? I jammed a little bit with my brother-in-law. He came over. We jammed some songs and watched some movies. Nice. Yeah. What'd you see? It was very cool. I saw The Roadie. Was it any good? No. I didn't think that was going to be a good movie when I saw that they were giving it away on most, like, you know, if you've got DirecTV, they were letting you view it for free and stuff. We also watched... One of the worst movies I've ever seen is from 2004. It's Ashley Judd and Samuel L. Jackson. It was called Twisted. Oh, wow. And I went, oh, it looks pretty good. Psychological thriller, which I like. Oh, my God. Not good. Oh, not good. Not good at all. What'd you do, L.O.B.? I watched some movies as well. Yeah. First, I watched...
The third Austin Powers movie. You started with the third one? It wasn't my choice. I was at my sister's house and people voted on it. I've never seen the Austin Powers movie, so I watched this one and I hated it. You hated it? I fell asleep. Goldmember sucks. I like it. His character is so annoying. Yeah. But I did see The Help. That's a good movie. I saw The Help too. Very good movie. Who's in it? Emma Stone from Superbad and all that stuff. Is The Help the movie about the South and Alabama? Jackson, Mississippi. Did you guys like it? Almost all the way down. I've got probably 20 minutes left of it. Just watching it in increments? I didn't have a choice. It got to be about 8.30. I had to go to bed last night. Sitting home, brushing Kim's hair, watching The Help. Real good. I watched... Have you ever gone through a thing where you've watched every single episode of one of your favorite shows and then you find a gem? You're like, oh my gosh, there's one I hadn't seen. I love to watch this show with Andrew Zimmern where he eats weird foods, disgusting foods. Well, I'd never seen this episode, so I decided I was going to watch it. I have never, ever watched that show and almost had to turn it off.
Really? Never. I've seen him do weird stuff. I've seen him eat weird stuff. Yeah, and I'm able to hang with all of them. The Thai people will eat some hideous things. Yeah. Some hideous things. And he was at a carnival eating the Thai version of like carny food. Squid jerky. Oh, dude. That sounds good. Oh, does it? I could eat that. Like calamari. Yeah. It was dried. Dried. And then there was like, you know, an apple. Picture you go to the fair here in San Diego and there's like an apple pie and it's a bunch of grandmothers. Yeah. Well, they have the same thing there. They have the same thing there. Only instead of an apple pie, it's this fish dish, which he described as, he said,
Picture like a three-day-old fish that's been lying in the sun. He said, that's what this smells like. Ew. But he'll try anything. And he will try anything two times. He says, the first bite you take, if you don't like it, you got to at least try it twice. You got to take two bites. So he takes a bite of it. And when you see Andrew Zimmern, a guy that's eaten everything and like it, when you see him take a bite and go, ugh. Ugh. Was it called a mudfish? No, it wasn't mudfish. Because that is horrible. Tain is mudfish. He's always talking about mudfish. It's the worst thing I've ever seen. This looked hideous. I almost couldn't watch the whole thing. It was by far, I mean, far and away, the grossest episode of weird foods, bizarre foods I've ever seen. Was it a fish pie? No, it was a whole fish on a paper plate. Okay. And it had really, really large silver scales and what looked like big chunks of salt on it. Oh, God. And he said, he used great words. He was like, that's strong. Strong. That's very, very strong. Oh, I bet. And the other deal was he was walking through a market and they were selling all types of rodent. All types, right?
And what you could do is you could purchase it and take it and they'll do it for you. They'll cook it for you. They'll grill it for you. It's like picking your own lobster. It's like picking your own lobster. With a rat. Exactly. So he finds a rodent, but he doesn't know what it is. He's not sure what it is. He goes, well, that's the one I have to have. So he has him grill it and he takes a bite of it and he says, I can't do it. I can't do it. Wow. He couldn't do it. Well, he found out you're never supposed to grill this thing. Imagine when they're thinking you're gross. Yeah. Imagine when the Thai people that can eat anything, they're like, oh, you're not supposed to do it that way. Oh, no. Oh, hideous. I went to Thailand for two weeks. Yeah. And the first... I lost all this weight the first four days. I wouldn't eat anything that didn't come out of a package from one of the convenience stores. Yeah, I would have eaten out of a vending machine for two weeks. Then you get used to it. Do you? Yeah. I'd even be afraid of the vending machine if I did, as long as I didn't know what it was. I'd have a box of granola bars that I brought with me. Well, I didn't know that it was going to be like that, so I'd only go to the 7-Eleven and I'd have like a roll for the day. Oh, gosh. And then by the end, I was eating.
like, you know, buying chicken on a stick on the side of the street. Were you? Yeah. And it was okay? Yeah, it was fine. That wasn't chicken. Oh, gosh. Oh, man, I would pray it was chicken. I would pray. Please let it be chicken. At that point, I didn't care. Oh, gosh. I was wasting away. Oh, my goodness. This is M1 Tree Wizard from Del Mar. Hi. What's going on, fellas? What's happening? And Lauren. What's up? I don't know how I felt about you guys being on at 530, and I've been removing... Tree to my cruise in Santa Claus at night. We just wrapped up. I had a horrible radio all night. Got in my car. I was like, oh, the Mikey show's on. There you go, man. Very nice. Very nice. We're here for you. Happy Monday. We're on now, 530 to 9, and so we're glad we're able to do that for you. Yeah, it's going to make my drive home much easier. Right on. Sweet. Good. Thank you, man. You got it. Have a good one. All right, we'll see you. Remember I told you I watched The Wonderful Life? Yes. It's The Wonderful Life for the first time? It was in color, and I didn't realize it's actually a black and white movie. We watched the colorized version, and it's pretty good. It's really good. It's really good. You only need to really see it once, though. I think I can do it every year. I can see why people would do it every year. Really? It's so inspiring and uplifting. Yeah. It makes you feel good. I know how it's going to come out, though, now. Yeah.
570-1949 is the number if you want to give us a call. You can talk about anything you want at the beginning and end of the show. You know, there's going to be a lawsuit filed again with the children's pool. Weird. Oh, gosh. The one in La Jolla? Yeah. So weird. Seal pupping. Oh, boy. Gosh darn. People like to fight about that thing or what? Man. Kick them out. That's all you hear. Seals out? Yeah, kick them out. Yeah, kick them out of their habitat. Why would you want to be swimming in those waters? Right. I would love to be swimming. A bunch of seal poop and sharks. Yeah, it's pooey. Sharks have been conditioned to go find seals there. Duck. Why do you want your kids in that water? Yeah. Because it's nice. Because you know why? And it's pooey. You know why you want them in there? Because you're not supposed to have them in there. That's why you want them in there. It's all full of seal poop. I've swam there. It's nice. You have? When we first moved here, we went swimming there. And it's not all seal poop in there? Well, I didn't see it. I mean, I'm sure the whole ocean. You don't see it, but it's there. Yeah. It's highly concentrated. Gross. Well, once you kick them out and the water has a chance. The seals have been there for decades. The sharks know where to look. Yep. That's all I'm saying. Dinner bell. Yeah, dinner bell. That's all I'm saying. Did you surf this weekend? Oh, yeah, I did. Went out on Friday. Catch some awesome waves. I got my butt kicked for a bunch of waves and then caught two of the best waves I've caught in a long time. Really? That's awesome. Did you get barreled? I was just stacking up.
I don't know if I got barreled. Dude, you got the best barrels ever, dude. Did you get pitted? But it was stand up. Get pitted. So pitted. This giant wave of water and it flattened out in front where I was like, uh-oh. I'm not going to make this section. You just get spit right out of them. And then I did. I was convinced there was going to be a tsunami on Friday. It was crazy. And it was sucking out and the sky was a weird color. I was like, that's it? Everyone's going to get knocked out? I saw two guys get rescued. Oh my gosh. For real? For real. A lot of people colliding, I saw. Could you go to a calmer beach and get some good boogie boarding in? None of that? There's no such thing? There's no such thing? Now there is. I'm sure it's as well backed off. So you couldn't even go to Tamarack and have that be just nice and calm? Ferocious on Friday. The ocean was mad. She was angry that day. She was beautiful, though. She was beautiful. She was mad. You had to time it right, man. Getting out, you had a 30-second window or a 60-second window to paddle out. Oh, man. Woodsy, did you think about it? No. Zero percent. No way. Well, my deal, too, is I don't...
I surf in April until September. That's surfing season for me. I don't like the super cold water. I don't like it that much to go out there. It's not that bad. But boy, those few months are like, I went surfing on my birthday this year in July. Oh, it's freezing. I went surfing on my birthday and had the best day I've ever had. And that was in July. That's what surfing is for me. Yeah. But letting that ice cold water into your wetsuit. If you take a break from it, that's when it's tough to get back in. Exactly. If you've been going consistently, you're kind of getting used to it. Once you take a break and go back in, you're like, hi. Well, the first time I ever went was February. Jay took me and then left me, and I got killed. You got to get killed. I could have held your hand. M1 Corrito from Oceanside. Are you there? Yes. How are you doing? Good. Good. I just want to say thanks. I listen to your show every time I go to work. You know, I'm in the Marine Corps, so. Right on. It's a nice show. I like listening to it. Getting to hear us early is different for you. Oh, early is usual for me, actually. You're very nervous. I can tell, Corita. Don't be nervous. It's okay. Love it. I can always spot the nerves. Marines are prepared to do everything but not be on a talk show. That's right. You're doing great. It's true. All right, buddy. Thank you for the call.
We have, coming up next, all of the playoff stuff. We're going to fill you in on the playoffs. We're going to tell you what happened in that high-speed chase that we were following on Friday. It's all coming up next. Welcome to the Mikey Show. 570-1949 if you want to call us. And you can also text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. Mikey's show is now heard from 530 to 9. And we love you. Call us. Make our day. An M1, by the way, is a Mikey Show listener. Somebody that calls in, turns their radio down, gets to the point, and doesn't cuss. That is an M1. You belong to M1 Nation. The word of the day is nurse. So when you hear me say the word nurse between now and 9 o'clock, caller number 9, I'll give you a pair of tickets to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers. February 29th. Nurse.
My dad said the word nurse in The Godfather 2. That's a true story. True story. That doesn't count for the word of the day. I'm not even making it up. Mike. It doesn't count. It doesn't count. That doesn't count. It's just the reason I say it that way. Because my dad said it in that movie. So cool. Yeah. Okay. Let's get this thing going. Playoffs. Playoffs? Yesterday. Was the wild card round. Yes. And what happened? And Saturday as well. There were two games on Saturday, two games on Sunday. On Saturday, it was the Texans over the Bengals 31-10. And the Saints just putting on an offensive clinic. Oh, yeah. 45-28 over the Lions. Drew Brees, 33-43. 466 yards. Oh, my. And three touchdowns. These guys are what you call clicking on all cylinders right now. And then the early game yesterday was the Giants-Falcons. Didn't see one second of that game. Well, I said it on Friday. Eli Manning is playing really, really good football. And I mean really good football. 23-32, 277, and three touchdowns. They beat Atlanta 24-2.
What? 24-2. Matty Ice, Matt Ryan, the quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons, they call him Matty Ice. He's good. He's 0-3 in the playoffs, as is his head coach, Mike Smith. Wow. Yeah. Well, then, so the late game yesterday, the Denver Broncos and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Crazy. Nobody, including myself, gave the Broncos much of a chance. I didn't. The Steelers, they've been there. They have Roethlisberger. The guy makes plays. And freaking Tebow and the Broncos pulled it out. They pulled it out. Tebow had a really good game, man. He was 10 of 21 for 316 yards. Yes, 316. And two touchdowns. Holy cow. This is him talking after the game. Where is it? Well, this is him. This is actually, it's in the green. Oh, I got it. This is him talking about the overtime touchdown he threw to Demarius Thomas, which was the first play of overtime, and that was it. They were bringing the safeties, playing like a blitz zero look, but not blitzing the backers inside. And that was a great call by Coach McCoy, and we wanted to try to get DT in there, you know, behind the safeties blitzing. And he did a great job getting off the corner and just waited until.
past the second window from the backer and just tried to fit it in there. So we have another week of Tebow mania. Hey, listen, I thought the Steelers were going to win in a blowout. Me too. Me too. And it didn't happen. No, it didn't. My boyfriend is a Steelers fan, and he's now on the Tebow train. Is he? It's unbelievable. It defies all life. It just doesn't make any sense. Yeah. And it does it because I was hearing from Charger fans that were like, I'm kind of pulling for the guy. I'm like, that's like me pulling for David Ortiz. It's never going to happen. He's fun to watch. He can be. Yeah. You can also look at him. Some games he's played and you're like, what are you doing there? Why are you there? He has played games like that where you're like, you don't belong in that. You know, in that position. But yesterday, he belonged. He played his butt off yesterday. This kid is a gamer. He's a faller. He's a playmaker. And a shot smaller. In case you didn't know, I got T-Boat. He shattered the mold. And all he does is win. All he does is win. I got T-Boat. He shattered the mold. And all he does is win. All he does is unleash. So T-Boat, let him go. It's time. Let him play.
Let him go. Let him go. I'm going to church Sunday. I think that's my game. I can't give you that. I'm no Don Ewing. He's rewriting the book. We can and we cannot. He's a jerk. That's what Tim Tebow's all about. He's a gamer. He's a baller. Playmaker. Shot caller. He's a gamer. He's a baller. Playmaker. Shot caller. Unleash. Tim Tebow. I'll let him go. It's time. Turn him loose. Let him play. Let him play. I'll send it. And all he does is win. All he does is win. One more game. One more game. All he does is win game. Well, here's the thing. Yes. Woodsy does not like the hype. I don't like the hype, man. I don't like the hype either. I don't. Yeah. I don't like the hype. And he's such a good dude. Like, he's such a good guy that I'm, maybe it's being a sports fan my entire life going, something's going to happen. You know, because we always get our heart broken by sports guys. Always. I mean, to a man, somebody has come out and broken my heart. You know, steroids or beating up his wife or cheating on his wife. I mean.
everybody has fallen. Yeah. And when you watch his post-game press conference and they're like, Tim, tell me about, you know, why you're honored to be here. And he's like, well, I'm honored because I got to spend time with a girl that had 73 surgeries. And that was, that's what's most important to me. And I'm looking at him going, you better be telling the truth. Yeah. You SOB. Is he a virgin? You bet. He says he is. Really? Yeah. That's a shame. Wow. It's a shame. It's. It's a shame if that's the stance that he wants to maintain because that guy is white hot right now. Well said. He could have anyone he wanted. Anyone. Any girl in the world. He's the most emotional thing in the world. Wow. Don't you think it's kind of cool? What if he saved himself for you, L.O.B.? Wouldn't that be great? He'd be too nervous. Yeah. He would be too nervous? He would be too nervous. I think he'll be an uncaged animal. Yeah, maybe. You've seen him on the sidelines, haven't you? Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Guy gets fired up. That's true. He gets very fired up. Yeah, I mean, if he doesn't capitalize, that's just foolish. Well, to me, it's fun to watch just like Michael Vick is fun to watch. I mean, he's so... So different ball games. No, it isn't. The reason it isn't is because, well, the only difference is that Michael Vick can actually throw the ball. Right.
And, you know, Tebow, they were daring him to throw the football yesterday. And he did. You know, they were like, look, we're going to throw eight in the box at one point, nine in the box. You ain't running on us. So you're going to have to throw. And you know what? The kid threw. Yesterday he came to play. He did. I will give him that much. I think what I don't like about the whole thing is the nature of sports is competition. If we're all on the same side, there's no. Where's the opposition? I know. I know. Well, so let me give you who's going to be playing next weekend. So now on Saturday at 1.30, it's the Saints at the 49ers. Which I think is a great game. I do, too, because the Niners have a really good defense. Yeah. And the Saints have a really good offense. And it'll also be, I think, evened out a little bit because the Saints appear to be really great at home. Yes. They've lost their games on the road. And it's going to be probably a, you know, back in the day when the Niners were in the playoffs, it was always windy there. Yeah, a little chilly. And it's also below sea level. Yep.
So it would get all muddy and disgusting. Should be awesome. I mean, the playoffs this year are really good. Yeah. The Broncos will go to the Patriots. So it's God's son against God's nephew. That's what everybody is calling that. Tom Brady. Wow, wow, wow. And then that is at 5 o'clock on Saturday. And then on Sunday, the Texans at the Ravens and then the Giants at the Packers, which that game is going to be pretty. Pretty good, because the Giants are playing really, really well. Who do you think is going to be the Super Bowl? If I had to guess, I would say the Ravens. No, I'd say the Saints and the Patriots. I don't think anybody can beat the Packers. I do. I think the Giants can. You do? I think the Giants can beat them, yeah. I do. Oh, my gosh. Dude, the way the Giants are playing right now, offensively, defensively. And, you know, hey, I like the Packers. They're a fun team to watch, and I like Aaron Rodgers. He's a little cocky, but I like him. They can be beat. Really? Oh, yeah, they can be beat. I think the Giants can beat them. But it's at Lambeau, so huge advantage. It's going to be an awesome weekend. Yeah, it's going to be a great weekend. I freaking love the NFL playoffs. 570-1949, if you want to call, say hello. Oh, so on Friday, a high-speed chase broke out while we were on the air, and they made an arrest. 24-year-old.
Michael James Olmos. Not to be confused with Edward James Olmos. Stand and deliver. Yeah. His son, I'm sure. Yes. Him and an unidentified woman were taken into custody in the 4300 block of Bonillo Drive. Happened Saturday night, 1030 at night. And a third person was arrested there, too. And I think somebody turned, you know, kind of. Gave a tip about where they were going to be. Just a tip. And just so you know, I'm not going to respond to that. Just so you know, La Mesa police officers were the ones that started the chase. And it was an 88 Toyota Camry that was stolen that they were following. It started at the parking lot of a Heritage Inn on Fletcher Parkway at 10 minutes to 6 Friday morning. Yeah. Like, the cops can catch an 88 Camry, huh? Yeah. That's an 88 Camry. It's a Toyota Camry, 88. What are you going to do? And two suspects on foot. Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah. But they got them. They got them. This is really positive stuff. Gabrielle Gifford led a crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance. Gabrielle Gifford, who was shot, and it's the year anniversary. Yes. Correct. She led the Pledge of Allegiance.
And I thought that was pretty cool. Happened in Tucson last night. I wonder if her husband made it if he was playing 18 holes or something. Yeah, probably. He was there. You know what, I think he had like a fantasy football playoff meeting or something. Space travel is a lot different. He didn't, they're saying this because he, of course, is an astronaut. Yes. Yeah. He went into space. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the lead astronaut. Yeah, yeah, totally. Of what? Of what? Mission control. Right. Oh, totally. That's right. Major Tom. Yes. But anyway, she was very, she was looking good and she was out there doing her thing. That's awesome. I think that's pretty cool. Now discuss this. Beyonce gave birth to a little girl that Entertainment Weekly says they're going to name Ivy Blue. And her and Jay-Z rented out the entire fourth floor of the hospital. Oh, boy. For 1.3 mil. You're just that big time, huh? For 1.3 million dollars. Wow. Now, I was like, at first I thought, what do I care? But then Jay said something that I think got it for me. Jay was hot mad about this. Well, Jay said, so wait a minute. What if, like, somebody is going to have a baby?
Now they can't go there because the whole floor is taken up? Yeah, I'm sorry. You'll have to go to another hospital. Yeah, and it's New York City, which I'm sure there's no shortage of emergencies. Right. So that one, that does kind of get me. I will never dance to her songs again. I will. And I can't make that promise. Yeah, I'm not going to make that promise. I obviously cannot make that promise. I have a theory. What is it? I think that they're going to sell their pictures. Yeah. People like people or whatever, whoever they made their deal with. They were probably whatever their payout is was worth them renting the hospital. So nobody would get a picture or Beyonce didn't want a picture of herself, like looking all haggard and stuff. Why do you need the floor? Why do you need a whole floor? You just need a privacy. It's privacy. They think that there's that big time. Well, we wouldn't have the privacy. But you're in a room. You're in a room. Yeah. You can have a guard. You don't share. It's not like community bathroom. Nobody pops into a room. You're not walking around. Trust me. I don't understand the floor rental. Stupid. I mean, hey, it would make more sense to me if they took like three rooms. Right. Yeah. And three rooms, you know, side by side. Yeah. That would make more sense. So that, you know, their area is kind of like. Yeah. Maybe off in the corner somewhere, kind of cordoned off. They could have a green room.
for the baby and then have like a full-on performance room. Yeah, it's important. Get a pole in there. There are people that are the opposite. Like, they kind of want to be normal. Well, and by... This means you don't want to be normal. By renting that floor, you're essentially saying, hey, don't look at us. We want privacy. Well, if you wanted privacy, you wouldn't rent a whole freaking floor. You know what I mean? They're making a statement. Yeah, look at us. 570-1949. Do you have anything fundamentally wrong? with Jay-Z and Beyonce renting out a floor of a hospital. It's just way big time. It's way big time. It's not a hotel. I think, like... It's not a hotel. It's a hospital. Yeah, Jay's point of view, like, what are you supposed to turn people away? Sorry, we don't have any room for you. Well, actually, we do, but Jay-Z rented it. Yeah, and like Wood says, well, you're telling the world I'm big time, but you know what else you're telling? the world? If you're the hospital, you're telling the world we can be bought. Yeah. We're a business. Yeah, we're a business. Which they are. Maybe they are, but I just don't want you to shove it in my face. Well, you can buy or rent a private room. So they probably just rented every single private room. Okay, well, here's a question for you then. We're all sitting here saying we think it's big time. If you could, would you? No way. Me neither. I could see the three rooms. Yeah. How about if it's that big a deal?
Why not have the baby at home? Yeah. Exactly. Just bring all your equipment and show up at my house. Yeah, 1.3 mil to come to the house. Right. Good point. Wouldn't it be more comfortable at the house? Yeah. We're normal people, though. We want to be at a hospital like everyone else. Yeah. We're normal. If we had the baby at home, we wouldn't be able to spend 1.3. Yeah. To have a floor to ourselves. What is that like having that much dough to be like, let's just go ahead and get this done right now. Writing a check for 1.3. Yeah, who do I make this out to? Yeah, you're Jim Thompson, the hospital administrator. Do I make this out to you, to the hospital, to the foundation? It's so weird. It's so strange. It's a different way of living. Yeah, it is. And you can give us a call, 570-1949. I want to know where people stand on that. A little bit later, they caught on camera. Something that most of us, especially those of us that are afraid of heights, would consider to be one of the gnarliest things ever. A bungee jump breaking. The cord breaking. Happened in Australia. She's okay. Chick lived. She's fine. But it just so happens that it was crocodile infested water.
She's all right. So the fall doesn't kill you. Yeah, right. You get eaten. Can you imagine that? Who bungee jumps over crocodile infested water anyway? All the water in Australia is crocodiles. Yeah. Oh, my God. You could get a glass of water. It's probably got a crocodile in there. 570-1949-M1-Amy from San Diego. Hi. Hi. Regarding, like, Jay-Z and Beyonce, I was wondering why they couldn't just do it at home. Yeah. Yeah. For some nurses to come to their home and do it, you know? That's what I was saying. Doesn't draw enough attention. Right. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, I don't know, that's ridiculous. It doesn't show how much money and power they have. Yes. If they just do it at home. Great call, L.O.B. I think we have actual audio of the bird. Is that? Yep. It's a Beyonce concert. She's playing her own song in the background. That's kind of weird. It's her birthing plan. Yeah. It's part of the birthing plan.
So, yeah, the bungee cord thing, I'll play you the audio, the whole thing, the whole story. I would bungee jump. No way. I've done it. You have? I've done it a bunch of times. I would not. Jay, where'd you do it? Of course he has. I did it in Galveston, Texas, and I actually did it twice. The first time I did it, I did 15 shots of tequila, and then I was broadcasting with a mic tied or taped to my hands. 15 shots of tequila. And then I had to drive the company vehicle home. Are you kidding me? The next time I did it, I was doing it. They had this thing of water that they dip you in. Right. The wind was blowing so hard. I was like, I almost touched the sand next to it. I mean, my head, the guy put a little heavier cord on there. I would have gone head first into the sand. I mean, I was probably a foot away from the sand. Oh, gosh. These businesses run by a bunch of meth heads or something. These were Australian guys. Well, they have assured.
everyone that they've now, the company that this happened, they've assured everyone that they've now changed the equipment. Oh, now they have. Now they have. So everything's cool. Oh, boy. I would not bungee jump. I would jump out of a plane a hundred times before I bungee jump once. I wouldn't do either. Have you done that before, LOB? I've done the skydiving before. Did you like it? Oh, I loved it. Hated it. Oh, God, forget it. Oh, I loved it. It was fun. I liked it, but I don't know. How about you, Woods? No. I remember that chute opening and my balls got pulled up into my stomach. I landed on my own two feet on the beach in Australia. How big was your parachute, Mikey? Really? I mean, really? It was just a normal... It was the sail from Amistad. Did you just use your pants as a parachute? Yes. Actually, Lauren, yes. I used my parachute pants to get me down safely. Pull on the drawstring. How dare you. You want to play Name That Tune? Yes. Play you the stuff about the croc-infested water, but we'll also do Name That Tune, 570-1949. What's the prize today, Jay? $50 gift card to Dave and Buster's. Dave and Buster's Eat, Play, Drink. Call us right now. You want to win that? On FM 94.9.
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It all leads up to the Mammoth Concert Series, bringing handsome furs and the soft pack to rock out at Canyon Lodge. Presale tickets to the show are only $10. Get yours now at 800-Mammoth or mammothmountain.com. Good news for anyone with a roofing problem, because you could use a little. GAF Timberline Shingles have a lifetime limited warranty and are backed by GAF's Advanced Protection Technology for long-term performance and wind resistance no matter where you live. They're North America's number one seller, and they're affordably priced at the Home Depot. Just like everything else you'll need for an integrated watertight roofing system. GAF Shingles. Quality you can trust. See limited warranty for complete coverage and restrictions. This report brought to you by the Exogen Temporal Thermometer. The Exogen Temporal Thermometer, it's a top choice of doctors, nurses, and healthcare professionals. Now it can be yours, the Exogen Temporal Thermometer. Get yours at Supercenter, Sam's Club, and other fine retailers today. Looks like an 18-minute drive from Oceanside to the Split out of Lakeside right now. It's an 18-minute drive from El Cajon to the Five and heading through San Diego.
23-minute drive from Chula Vista to the Merge. This report also brought to you by Allstate. Get better protection with a personal touch. Your local Allstate agent will help you get the coverage that's right for you at the best possible price. Dollar for dollar, nobody protects you like Allstate. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. More from the Mikey Show coming up. I always have to look my sexiest. That's why I'm wearing these tight size 42 pens. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm sorry, our time is up. FM 94.9. Don't forget the word of the day is nurse. When you hear me use that word between now and 9, call her 9. Give me a ticket to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers. And we're going to be playing Name That Tune. And I'm going to tell you about what happened with this woman that was bungee jumping when her cord snapped into crock-infested. M1 Rick from Escondido. Who would you like to represent you in? Name that tune. I'll go with Woods, please. That is a good choice. Hang on a line. M1 O-Sider from Oceanside. Who do you want? L-O-B. There you go. You got it. And M1 Nubian Prince from Otay Mesa. You got me, okay? Right on. Win like Tebow, man. I'm going to do it. Oh, quit it. Hang on a line. Nerds.
All right, let's do this. Name that tune. And what's the theme today, Jay? Today's theme is movie trailers. Movie trailers. Which Mike watches a lot of. I love movie trailers. I love movie trailers. All right, so what we do is we yell our name out if we know what it is. No, we don't. We have a buzzer. Oh, that's right. Jay, are these new or old movies? These are all across the board. Okay. From new to old. That's fair enough. New to old. All right. I didn't touch it. And mine's not working. So we'll have to use the honor system. I got one more for you. Did you hold the honor? Huh? Did you hold it down? Yeah. Squeeze it. Oh, there we go. There we go. Jay, I got it. I got it. All right. We're ready. If we know, we hit our buzzer. All right. Here we go. Let's do this. All right. Here we go. As precious to me as you were to your own mother and father, I swore to them that I would protect you.
And I haven't. The mayor's going to dump him in this. Really? But he's a hero. A war hero. This is peacetime. Yeah, go ahead, Mikey. War Horse. Get. No. Oh, it starts all over again. I can't continue to play that game. Okay. The Dark Knight Rising. You haven't seen that advertised? No. All right, here we go. There is a creature. Mikey. Jaws. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Good. Darn it. All right. Reset. Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, you've heard all the evidence. I submit that this was not a hot-blooded crime of passion. Consider this. A revolver holds six bullets, not eight. Woods, Shawshank Redemption. Good job, Woodsy. All right. I was afraid you didn't hit the buzzer. Woods does have a tendency to pound that.
Spanx it. Here we go. What do you want me to wear back? I don't know. Mikey. The Godfather. All right. Let's do this. Here we go. Hey. Mikey. Pulp Fiction. Ding. Ding. Stupid buzzers. Stupid buzzers. All right. Here we go. I don't suppose they told you anything in Denver about the tragedy? We had up here during the winter of 1970. Oh, son of a gun. The Shining. It came on zero. Is this not fair? Here we go. If the enemy is moving. Mikey. The Lord of the Rings. You're a nerd. I am. I am. I fully admit it. Score. Mikey, four. Lauren, zero. Woods, one. Here we go. Inception. Yes. Oh, my gosh.
Mikey's favorite movie. What's the score? Mikey won. I'm sorry. Mikey forlorn won. Woods won. Wow. Running away with it. Here we go. Reset. Reset. Reset, Jay. Here we go. I want you to hit me as hard as you can. I want BS. Mikey. Fight club. Nice. He's got a jump on his buzzer. I know he does. All right. His dainty hands. It's my dainty hands. My dainty hands are able to do it. Here we go. L-O-B. Star Wars? Ding, ding, ding. Yeah! Wow! L-O-B? Okay, I've got two remaining. All right. So we're going to make them... Make them 100 pointers. Five pointers each. I'm down. Reset. Let's do this. Reset our buzzers. Here we go. And... Yes, L-O-B? Poltergeist? Sorry. That's a minus fiver. Minus five. Go ahead, Woods.
The Matrix. You're right. Yes! Woods is back in the game. Here we go. Last one. He's actually winning now. Here we go. Spook easily, Starling. Yes! Woods took it. Silence of the Lambs. That is correct, Woods. Gosh, darn. Finally. Wow. Good strategy, I guess. M1, Rick from Esco. Yeah, Woods, he did it for you. Good job. Way to go, man. Hang on a line. Gosh, that sucks getting hosed, doesn't it? Well, I got as equal a chance as anybody, so. I have no issues with it. You were on fire, though. Well, even if I wasn't, I still was in the position to win. Yeah. I was in position to win, but. Boy, you were hot today, though. You either do it or you don't. I hate to take it from you. I hate to take it from you.
Because you were so hot. You know, you don't make the rules. You just play. That's right. That's right. 5701949 is the number. This is the story, and it happened to a young woman. Good evening. It's a favourite among thrill-seekers, but a New Year's Eve bungee jump has nearly claimed the life of a young Applecross woman. Erin Langworthy's dive from the Victoria Falls Bridge in Africa took a horrifying turn, and it was all captured on video. She spoke exclusively to Nine's Rob Scott. It's the experience of a lifetime that almost killed Erin Langworthy. Bungie jump breaking. 25 metres above the water, the unthinkable happened. Erin's bungee cord snapped. By the way, 25 metres is 380 feet. Sending her plummeting headfirst into the crocodile-infested waters of the Zambezi River in Zimbabwe. It went black straight away and I felt like I'd been slapped all over. The icy water helped bring Erin out of her days. It was then the real fight for survival began.
With her legs still tied, she was sucked downstream towards the raging rapids, the trailing bungee cord snagging on rocks, dragging her under. I actually had to swim down and yank the bungee cord out of whatever it was caught into. Struggling to keep her head above water, Erin made it to rocks near the riverbank. It was there she waited for rescue. When I was first pulled out of the water, they put me on my back, and so all the water that I'd inhaled meant that I couldn't breathe. I made them roll me onto my side, and that's when I started coughing out water and blood. Medivac to South Africa, the 22-year-old spent a week in hospital where, covered in bruises, doctors were amazed she suffered no major injuries. Yes, I think it's definitely a miracle that I survived. Attempts to contact the bungee company have been unsuccessful, but in an online statement, it maintains its operations are safe and the broken equipment has been replaced. Rob Scott. Nine news. See, I wouldn't do it because I'm too fat. I'd be afraid that thing's going to bust no matter what. Oh, my gosh. Isn't that terrifying, though? I mean, she's so lucky that the water was cold to wake her up. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Crazy. What's scary is tourism is like the number one industry over in Australia, and they just turn out hundreds of people a day on those things. They're probably worn out. This was in freaking Africa, though. No, she was from South Africa.
It happened in Africa. It happened in Africa. She's from Australia. I thought it was the other way around. It happened in Zimbabwe. Creepy, dude. It is creepy, man. Yeah. But still, I think I'd try. No. Once. No, please don't. Yeah, do it. Please don't. Give it one shot. Let's do a zip line. Yeah, zip lining is fun. Same thing. No, not even close. I got some tips for you on improving. Your dating life in the new year. It says stop living in the past. So if you're jaded because your last relationship didn't end well, don't take that out on the new person. They say the less baggage you have moving forward, the better. Easier said than done. Yeah, it is. Well, because you're going to have a habit to project no matter what. Yes. They also say. End unhealthy relationships. Get rid of friends that bring you down. Cut off relationships that aren't going anywhere. Well, I'll see you guys later. You're supposed to go out more. That sucks, though. You're not going to meet somebody sitting at home. They say you're supposed to go out at least once a week. Yeah. Take your laptop to a cafe. Oh, God, really? Woods hates cafe guy. Cafe guy. You're a dork.
No. Yeah. Sign up to volunteer. Join a sports league. That's good. Sports league, I'd say, is the best suggestion. But if you want to meet dudes? Yeah. Or girls. Or girls. This is dating life, though. Yeah, dudes. I'm going to go sign up to play some men's baseball with a bunch of men. No, you do something like kickball or just something co-ed. Something co-ed. Yeah. Volleyball or something. What if you're not really into that? Then you look like an idiot. You look like an idiot. If you're not like an athlete. Not only that. You're a play guy on the team. Wear a wig. Wear socks. Not everybody's good. Don't give in to deadline pressure. Dating right after the holidays is going to feel forced because your family probably gave you the third degree about why you're not dating or married or starting a family. Listen. Lauren is. Lauren's 30. 31. 31. 31. Yes. Unmarried. She's not married, but... No. But... Long relationship. Tick tock. You guys just like to bring it up every day, or... Well, we heard... Do you have anything else to talk about? I heard a little hmm. Yeah. I give a lot of hmm. When you said, Mike, when you said your family is asking why you're unmarried, and I just heard from the side of me, I heard hmm. I don't know. Anything else you want to talk about? Well, listen. It's out there.
It was a topic of discussion. Always. It's always a topic of discussion. Yep. You guys just love to hammer it. I do not. Jay is the one. Jay does. What? Jay is the one. Just Jay. He makes it so weird. Yeah. Tick tock, tick tock. We were talking about it yesterday morning at my family at breakfast. I know. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, boy. That's great. And I said it makes me uncomfortable when Jay makes jokes about it. Yes. It makes everyone uncomfortable. And my family said, well, like, what types of jokes? And I said, well, like, he'll, like, rub it in. Yeah. I think he's just bitter because he got married really young. That's it. Get to, you know, get out there and sow his wild oats. I wanted to have kids. My oats were sowed. Trust me. Hey, believe you me, kid. I sowed a lot of oats. I actually still sow oats. It's a hobby. I make sweaters out of them. Needle and thread. They're so ugly. Blankets. Neck ties. I can make you seem real pretty. Scarves. 570-1949. You can give us more if you have any of these. The tips for improving your dating life. American Airlines is ranked the worst airline in the country. And Alaska's the best.
The absolute worst American. That's it, man. Game over, man. Game over. The rankings are based on how airlines do in six different categories. On-time arrivals, excessive delays, baggage handling, customer complaints, bumping passengers, and canceling flights. That's what it's based on. Now, Alaska is the smallest of the big ones. Okay, so all the big airlines, Alaska's the smallest one. And they got the highest overall ranking. They scored number one in three categories. On-time arrivals, fewest delays, and fewest canceled flights. It's all relative, though, isn't it? I mean, what do you got, four flights a year going to Alaska? You know what I mean? Well, but you got to remember. They go other places. They fly to Hawaii. Oh, okay. Now, on the other hand, American Airlines, dead last. Scored in the bottom three of all those major categories. Here are the number ones going down the list. Alaska's number one. Southwest, believe it or not, came in number two. I believe it. I believe it. Delta Airlines came in number three. I don't like Delta. What's your issue with them? They've just screwed me a couple of times. What happened?
Baggage and stuff? Lost baggage, bumped off a flight, rude customer service. It was Delta Airlines that I flew when I had to ask for a seat extender. Huh. It was back when I was much heavier than I am now, before the gastric bypass surgery. Did they have one big enough? What exactly is a seat extender? Lauren freaking O'Brien. I'm serious. No, you're not serious. Because you had to have an aisle seat, I guess, for it to work, right? No, it doesn't make it wider. It just makes the belt longer. It makes a belt. It's a belt extender. And probably with the booster seat you had, too. I wasn't in a booster seat. It'll be it's an eclipse and then an eclipse. A little extra room around the midsection. Yes. So to most people that are overweight, do they have to ask for that ahead of time? Why are you asking me? I don't know. You're the only person I know that's had to ask for. Well, you know what they should do? They should have them...
as you walk in the plane, on hooks. And if you feel like you need one, then you can just take one. Hey, isn't that better than going, excuse me, miss, can I get... There should just be a weigh-in. Oh, God, oh, God. There should be different sized seats and then a weigh-in. And then you get placed accordingly. Like a public weigh-in. I still think you should be charged by weight to fly. And the seats should be an extra, extra, extra large. If your luggage is... He's charged by weight. Why shouldn't people be? They're like, no, sir, you're 275. That's an extra $200. Yeah. I would lose weight just on the thought that I'd ever have to fly again in my life. Yes. The humiliation. That's humiliating. Oh, it was mortifying when I was that big. I bet. Did you have to ring the little button and get her over? No. Did you just wave her over? You know how awful it was? This is how bad it was. It's the flight attendant. Oh, gosh. Lauren. I'm sad for you. Lauren laughing. No, you're not sad. You're laughing your butt off. I am not. I'm sad. I'm sad. She seems so sad. Are you? You look like you're at a funeral. Be glad for the food on your plate. Whatever. Did they oil you up to get between the armrests? Yeah, what's oil? What's oil?
They earl you up. They earl you up real good. What's old? What's old? It's the flight attendant's job to walk up and down the aisles and make sure that everyone's buckled in. And she saw you struggling? Struggling. Oh, God. All this might. I didn't struggle. I left it. And she noticed. And she said, sir, you have to buckle your seatbelt. You go, I wish I could. Oh, that's even worse. You said, I can't. Did she get on the intercom and go, uh, we've got a big customer back here. Yeah, Jay. Identical flight attendant. That's what she did. Identical flight attendant. Mackie, did she get on the overhead and say... Mike, did she say... Did she say... And she's saying, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, Jay, that's what she said. JetBlue didn't rank very high, which surprises me.
I've always loved flying them because they've got TVs in the back of the seats. That's pretty awesome, dude. And their prices are reasonable. Yeah, taro chips. Yeah, taro chips are good. What the hell is a taro chip? Those blue potato chips that are healthy for you. Oh, they do? That's what they serve. Really? I wonder what's the problem with JetBlue. Besides, you know, every once in a while, a flight attendant will... open a couple beers, down them, and then jump off the inflatable. Which is hilarious. Jump off a slide. Yeah, jump off a slide. They don't have enough destination, they don't have enough cities, you know, that you can fly in and out. Too small, maybe? Don't know. You're still listening for the word nurse. And when you hear me say the word nurse, between now and ten, or nine, I'll weave it into a sentence, and when you hear it, caller number nine, pair of tickets to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers at Valley View Casino Center, February 29th. How'd you almost kill your parents or has your kid almost killed you? Now, what could this be? Well, if you were holding a ladder for somebody or that kind of thing. Maybe you had to turn the switch on when I say, when I tell you to. It could be any of those things. Call us if you have a great story. 570-1949.
Or text at 949mikey at gmail.com. More coming up in just a couple. FM 94.9. U-verse is such a great deal for you. U-verse TV, $29 a month for six months with a total home DVR included. Now, you can order it today. You get HBO and Cinemax. free for three months. Give them a call today. 877-only-ATT is the phone number, or you can go into one of their stores, or you can find them online, att.com slash TV. Now, here's good news for you. I think you would be happy to know that AT&T U-verse TV ranked highest in residential TV service in the West, four years running. And that's according to J.D. Power & Associates. And that's a pretty cool thing. 170 channels are available for you. They got HD, beautiful, 100% digital. It's good stuff. So give them a call today. 877-ONLY-ATT. Geographic and service restrictions apply. Price for UFamily TV. New customers only after promotional period and standard rates apply. Taxes and other charges apply. Offers N71412. Access to HD at additional cost. Hi, my name is Sonia. I'm a Fresh and Easy Neighborhood Market customer.
And I'm happy to make this commercial for Fresh and Easy. This is a commercial for Fresh and Easy neighborhood market made with real customers, not famous actors, saving money. We pass on to you. I like to come to Fresh and Easy. It's good for a family. I mean, my family is a family of five. We're trying to watch our weight. So one of the things that I like to buy is a big pack of chicken breast that is a four pack. But once I split it in half, it's actually an eight pack, which feeds us for a whole week. And I make chicken breast grilled salads. And my husband's favorite dressing, the cilantro dressing. We like to buy the hummus. We buy everything. It's economical and healthy. Thanks, Fresh and Easy. And thank you, Sonia. You just saved us some money. So now we can offer low prices on our fresh, never frozen F&E chicken breast family packs. Just $2.49 a pound. And on Fresh and Easy's Sunshine Salad. Only 98 cents every day. While supplies last until January 10th, 2012. Buddy, down here in the cup holder. Yeah, it's us. You spare change.
Now look, this might seem strange, but frankly we've had it with just being tossed in here and forgotten about. We want you to drive to Mickey D's right now and use us on something delicious. Like one of those two for $3.50 deals they got going on. Head over to McDonald's for one of two awesome deals. Enjoy two classic Big Mac sandwiches for only $3.50. Or at breakfast, get two sausage McMuffin with egg sandwiches for only $3.50. That's double the delicious for, like, small change. Yeah, because if you don't... We're going to make a whole lot of noise. Right, boys? Most restaurants open late. Many open 24 hours. Limited time offer. Price of single item posted on menu board. Prices and participation may vary. Now at McDonald's, 32-ounce large soft drinks are only 69 cents. Quench your thirst with a 32-ounce large Coca-Cola or choose from a variety of icy cold soft drinks for just 69 cents. Only at McDonald's for a limited time. I just got 4G LTE from AT&T here in San Diego. And let me tell you, it's crazy fast. Like living in the future fast. Up to 10 times faster than 3G. My roommates can't keep up. Ooh, Jenny, did you hear... That Barbara has an extra ticket to the concert? Lisa, that's so 42 seconds ago. I already downloaded it from...
the link she sent me. Oh, great. Lisa will forget about that ticket soon. See, about 52 seconds ago, my friend changed his relationship status to single. She doesn't know that yet, but she will in 3, 2, 1. AT&T Rethink Possible. Introducing AT&T 4G LTE in San Diego with speeds up to 10 times faster than 3G. Come in now and get the Samsung Galaxy S2 Skyrocket 4G LTE smartphone for free when you purchase the Samsung Galaxy Tab 8.9. Visit att.com or store for details. Limited 4G LTE availability in select markets. Compatible device and data plan required. Tablet and smartphone each require a new two-year service agreement with qualifying monthly data plan. Other charges and restrictions apply. If you want 2012 to be the last time you make weight loss your New Year's resolution, call 1-800-GETTHIN now. If you need to lose 15 pounds or over 100 pounds, 1-800-GETTHIN can help with customized medical weight loss treatments. Call 1-800-GETTHIN to attend a free weight loss seminar today. A weight loss specialist will work with you to develop a personalized program that will fit your needs and help you finally reach your goals.
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Did you slip any men's max packs into anyone's stockings this year? Absolutely. Oh, good for you. Give Ovation a try for yourself. It's 100% guaranteed. It's safe. It's non-toxic. Log on to OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout to get a special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com and enter FM949. This report, it's brought to you by Pro Nutrients. It's a new line of three select supplements from the makers of Centrum. Help make nutrition possible. Stop and go traffic out of Carlsbad this morning. The 5 northbound between Mission Avenue and Harbor Drive. 15 southbound between El Norte Parkway and Felicita. You've got about a 28-minute drive from Escondido to Mission Valley. And it should take you about 23 minutes to get from Chula Vista to the Merch. This report brought to you by Subway. Enjoy the deli-style taste of the Subway Big Hot Pastrami Melt with Piled High Pastrami Spicy Mustard. Pickles and cheese. Get the Subway Big Hot Pastrami Melt today. I'm Stacey. Cohen, FM 94.9. I'm an awesome beer drinker on the course. On FM 94.9.
Woodsy, what's the deal with the Chargers staying in San Diego or moving? Well, word around the campfire is that today they will make the announcement that they will be staying put. They, being the San Diego Chargers, will be staying here for 2012. Their lease with the city expires in 2020. But every year, they can trigger an out clause. do some negotiations with some other cities like Los Angeles. However, they have said, look, we want to stay here. We're going to work closely with the mayor. We want to develop that East Village site that they have picked. And last week in an interview, Dean Spanos said, quote, we have no interest in that downtown L.A. site or any sites up there. So that's good. Yeah, they want to stay, but they are going to want a new stadium built here. And I think that's probably what needs to happen. I wonder what would happen if they put that to a vote. Man, I don't know. I don't know. It's a fickle town for that kind of stuff. You know what I mean? But they got Petco done. Petco got done here. And I think that's what naysayers would use as the example. Exactly. You see how great that's worked out. I would vote for it. Oh, I would too in a heartbeat. Also wanted to let you know that tonight is the national championship game in college football. It's Alabama LSU. It's in New Orleans.
I have a friend that went to Alabama, and she said that New Orleans is about as crazy as it's ever been right now with all those kids down there converging for that game tonight. That game is on 530 at our time on ESPN. Who do you think will win? I'm going with LSU. Yeah? Yeah, they're a talented, talented fast team. Not that Alabama's not. And the cool thing about both of these coaches, if you watch any of it tonight, innovative. And you just never know what they're going to do. Come up with cool stuff. Cool stuff. And this game is going to be great. The last time they played, it was 9-6. I think you're going to see a little bit different score tonight. I wish I went to school somewhere. Dude, I always wish that I went to, especially in like an SEC school. I have two cousins, one at Arkansas and one at Auburn. And their whole life is freaking Saturday football, man. And they just have a blast. What's the matter with you? Oh, my God. What did you do to this? What did I do? Who to what? My food is greasy. What's greasy? And disgusting. What'd you do? I have an English muffin. What'd you do? What'd you do? There's an old saying in the neighborhood I come from. It's called paybacks are a B. What are you paying him back for? Oh, gosh. I got you, pal. What are you paying him back? I just juiced him up some Crisco. Some raw.
Crisco on his English muffin. It is oozing. I thought I had just put too much butter on it. That is filthy. It's dripping. Let me see. Let me see. Feast on that. Do you know what this SOB did to me? Let me see. Oh, it's so greasy. It's so greasy. That's Crisco? That's Crisco. I went and bought like a vat of Crisco. You can eat it. I don't want it. Oh my gosh. It doesn't taste like anything. What does it taste like? He can't hear you. What does it taste like, Jay? Like a mouthful of grease. Oh. And it was boiling grease, too. I was like, why is this so weird looking? Paybacks are a B. What are you paying him back for? Well, I was sitting, Mike, in a bank parking lot on Friday. I was making a phone call. And a guy rolls up next to me. He goes, hey, man, have you seen your back window? And I go, what? Have you seen your back window? And I turn and look. And on my back window, it says, I love D. Except it was spelled out, and there was a picture of a giant wiener written in the dust of my window. Now, do you remember you and I walked out together on Friday, and Jay looked like the cat that ate the canary, and he was like, all right, see you later. Bye. Bye. I didn't think anything of it until this guy, who is dying laughing, by the way. I had to get out.
Get a shirt that I was going to give to Goodwill and clean off my window. Oh, wow. It was a good drawing. How did you not see that? I didn't see it. She had no idea. It was my back. That's not actually true, is it, that you like deep? It does. Because if you wrote it on the back of your truck. It's advertising. You love it. Because if you wrote it on the back of your truck, dude, I mean, that's taking it to a whole different, like a whole different level. The wiener that he drew was three feet tall. It was suburban, so the windows are huge. It's three feet tall. Oh, Jason. We're all grown up little kids. Well, I had to get him back. You owe me an English muffin. I don't owe you anything. You owe me an English muffin. Did you have to think about it all weekend or did you come up with it then? I had seen some Crisco and just started laughing when I was doing some grocery shopping. I just started laughing. I go, I got to get Jay with that. I got to smear it in his hair. I'm going to smear it in his hair. Did it taste bad or did it taste like anything? It tasted horrible and it was on fire. It was bubbling hot. I caked a good two inches. on this English muffin. Oh. I love my salivary gods. I had to cook it twice. I was like, what is going on with this thing? That's why the break started. I'm like, finally. Oh my gosh. He just showed it to me and it was glistening. It looked like my head in the summertime. That is true. Oh my gosh. It's like you're headed to Padres game. That's filthy. We are not even.
We are even. We are not even. If you mess with his food. No, he doesn't like it. Because in his head just now he goes, oh, that's $1.50. Yeah, it's like Tussin waffles. That's half an English muffin. That's like 35 cents. That's $1.50 where I get them. At least for the waffles I can finish them. Yeah, Woods put Robitussin on his waffles once. It looked just like shit. It did. I'd already had a whole dose of Tussin too, so I double dosed. A double dose of Tussin. That's going to be our bit. You guys are like fraternity brothers. The other deal is, and I'm so glad I'm not a part of it. I don't want anything to do with it because it's so painful. Don't you? No, man. When you guys hit each other in the nuts with a bald fist, they'll take their whole fist and as hard as they can. All day. All day. And I'm like, oh my gosh, at least it's so painful. There's been some that have knocked us to our knees. And you continue. And they'll do it in front of people. It doesn't matter if we're just meeting someone for the first time. It could be the president of Lincoln Financial and we'll do it. It could be the president of the United States. Yes. I have zero taste buds left in my mouth now. Hot grease. Hot grease. Coated my mouth. I looked over at him and I saw him wincing.
It's just gross. Yeah, well, I don't love Dee, so you don't love Crisco. Don't you? How long had you driven around? Four hours. They'd been around there for four hours. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's embarrassing. Yes. People on the side, like, driving down the highway. Because you always can see it if it says, like, wash me. I'm surprised people weren't like, you don't have to tell everything. What you do in your personal life is not my business. My goodness. That guy was the guy that told me was laughing so hard. I jumped out of that car faster than you could imagine. Did you thank him at least? Yeah, I was like, dude, thank you. Yeah, and wiped it clean. I'm not the guy that tells somebody. You wouldn't tell? Oh, no. I would never. I would not have the cojones to be like, hey, dude. What if he was like, yeah, I know. I put it there. Right. I wrote it. I wrote it. I wrote it. So.
What's the problem? And your point is? Get in line. I don't understand. I don't either. What does he mean? What's the meaning? Give him what you want. Why would we get in line? He says it means we all do. We all do? Do we all? No, we don't, but that's what the guy would be saying to you. Wow, I think Jay just revealed something. He's bi-curious. How long have you been by Curious? Like, never. Do you like Olive Man or just that one part? I mean, Chaz, do you like? I like mine a lot. Let me tell you something. We are all such children that if we started to call one another by a stupid name, we wouldn't like it. If you just started, for whatever reason, we said to Woods, what's up, doorknob?
It would drive you crazy. It would make me insane. And there's nothing that goes, like, it has no, just don't call me doorknob. Yeah, stop. We're all still little kids. Matt calls me names that aren't mine, my boyfriend Matt, and it drives me insane. Like, give me an example, like Renee, like that kind of thing? No, he'll call me names of, like, our listeners that often post on Facebook. Yeah. He'll call me like Franklin Bischoff. That's a good bit. That's a great thing. The names that he sees that day. He'll be like, hey, Ozzy, don't. Those are names of people that post on our wall. On our Facebook page. I'm like, why are you calling me that? You're like, just shut up, Brian Brake. Yeah. He'll just say something. We've got some repeat offenders on our Facebook wall. And he'll just call me those names. It's genius. Easy, Tim Strange. And it drives me nuts. That is genius. I love it. And then I try to remember all the females that post on his wall. And, of course, none of them ever come to mind. So I say stuff like Nina Smith. Why do we hate so much when people call us something that's stupid? It's not my name. It's not my name, dude. It's not my name. And we're still like that. Yeah. We're still like it. Yep. 570-1949.
And if you do it, I want to hear from you. If you're the guy that does that, if you're the adult little kid, you do it with somebody and they can't stand it. I have a friend of mine. His name is Andrew. And most people call him Andy. That's how he introduces himself. But when he went to college, when he was being initiated into a fraternity, they were giving the pledges these different Muppet names just to demoralize them. And they called him Beaker. Gosh. And it has followed him. He's now the same age as me, 31 years old. Still Beaker. And he'll try to introduce himself as Andy to my friends. I'm like, oh, it's Beaker. He just closes his eyes and is like, oh, really? I'm not Beaker anymore. I work at a law firm. Yeah. Don't call me Beaker. I'm not Beaker. Oh, he hates it. Easy, Beaker. My nephews, when they first met Kim, they called her Cradle. And they, ooh, Cradle, Cradle. It made her cry because they did it for about a month straight. Why Cradle? Still, you ask them now, they're all grown men with wives. They probably don't even remember. They remember, but they don't know why they did it. And at the time, she's like, why are they calling me Cradle? Oh, no. That's a weird nickname. Yeah, Cradle. That's my new bit with my five-year-old. I'll call Jake something that isn't his name, and he goes crazy. It makes him nuts. Like Simon? It's one of my favorite new bits with him.
Yeah, I called him the number six. Not six. The number six. I go, what's up, the number six? And he goes, it's not my name. It's not my name, dude. Plus, he likes the number seven. Yes. So you're really messing with him. I was just calling him the number six. Driving him nuts. Oh, my gosh. 570-1949. Did you know? Oh, we're getting calls now, too. People are wanting to tell us what they do. Did you know Microsoft is patenting it? avoid the ghetto feature on their GPS? I love it. Well, what's the problem with it? What is the problem? Probably the people that live in the ghetto. Don't want to be categorized. We're in the ghetto? We just made Microsoft's ghetto list. Do you think if you live in the ghetto, do you think you know you live in the ghetto? Some people are in ghetto denial. I used to live in a ghetto and I knew it was a ghetto.
Gilroy's version. It was the bad side of Gilroy. Like Ella Bee just said, some people are in ghetto denial. I used to have LA was my territory for work as a salesperson, and I went to Inglewood. Inglewood? And they were like, no, the Inglewood is nice. They're like, there's parts of it that's bad. I'm like, you know there's songs and movies about how ghetto Inglewood is? Right. It's pretty bad. Well, the idea is that you don't want to get caught in a bad area of town. You want to pull off and get gas. No. I think it's an awesome feature. I think it's awesome. I end up in the ghetto way too many times. You're trolling. Yeah, you're out looking for black guys. Yeah, you're trying to... Well, wait a minute, Woods. What are you implying? What are you profiling? Are you implying that the bad area of town? No. Is that what you're implying? That's what she was doing in Inglewood. That's what I'm saying. That is so racist. Man. Oh, yeah, I got him. Relax. I got him good. I was talking about Inglewood. M1J from Santee, are you there? Jay, are you there? Jay from Santee? Is he whispering?
I don't know. Jay. Are you a sex pervert? Is that why you're breathing heavy? He had a pretty good one. He was saying people called him Milky, which is a flip. Hey, how's it going? There you are. Hi, Jay. Hey, so, yeah, I'm in, I'm. What is the matter? Say it. Say it. Jay. What's the matter, Jay? Milky. Milky. Yeah, I'm in the Navy, and they used to. My beard would grow out, and they'd call me milky because it was bright white, like from me, myself, and Irene. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. It was white? Yeah, it was, like, bright white. How could you have a white beard? Yeah. How could you have a white beard? How is that possible? I don't know. You should grow it more often. Well, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How old are you? I'm 28 now, so now it grows in, like, red. Red. Mine grows in red. Hey, by the way, did anybody see, I don't remember which game it was. It was Detroit. Who did they play? Saints. Saints. Anybody see the Saints game? They showed some dude that plays to them. I think it was an albino. He had red eyes. And I was like, I go, whoa. And I go, babe, come here. And I rewound it. And she's like, wow. I mean, it was like, you know those white rabbits that have red eyes?
It was exactly like that. He was a white albino? Well, no, he's a black albino. There is black albino. No, there is. Yes, there are. Yes, there are. There are? Yes. Red hair. Red hair. Are you messing with me? No, dude. No. Serious. For real? Yeah. I did not know. If anybody knows about that guy, call us and tell us because it was crazy. He had red eyes. I didn't know that was possible. That's freaking weird. Sure he just went really, really high? No, it was like the eyeball. Monks from the Da Vinci Code. Yes, he was a monk from the Da Vinci Code. What are those called, Mikey? M1 Midnight Marauder from San Diego. Are you there? Yes, I am calling from Ghetto Hillcrest right now. Oh, you're calling from Ghetto Hillcrest. What were you calling to say? Hey, I used to teach in Korea a couple of years back, and every time we had new kids every week. We couldn't remember their names, to be honest. So we name them English names. We just give them these random English names. Bob, Ted. Yeah. Bob, Ted. Well, it got crazy after a while. We started naming them after The Simpsons, after Wes Anderson movies. Right. Thundercats, whatever just popped to mind. Hillbilly names, you name it. It'll get you. It's pretty sweet. Thanks for the call. 570-1949 is our phone number.
If you want to give us a call, how's your weight loss coming? I don't know. What do you mean you don't know? You haven't weighed yourself? No, I don't weigh myself. I'm going to give myself about a month. You're looking svelte. I'm not looking svelte. I can tell you've lost weight. No, you can't. Yes, I can. No, you can't. You can't. He's looking svelte. The belly is getting sunken in. That's the thing about it. I can lose it quickly. And it's just a matter of maintaining. So my diet, I was telling Mike, I am going to be vigilant during the week. Yeah, I look over at you, and you're eating apples and stuff. Freaking hard-boiled eggs, yogurt. Yeah. Good yogurt. Greek yogurt. You can't not lose weight eating like that. I know. Let's see. This is M1, Chef Tom from Cardiff. Hi. Hey, what's up, Mikey? How you doing? I'm doing good. You're calling about the guy with the red eyes, right? Yeah, yeah. The contacts. They're just those contacts that everybody used to wear back in the day. Is Kyle Vandenbosch? Yeah. That's all they wear. He's just doing it to be, like, Weird. Oh, it's contact lenses? Wow. Yeah, he was just doing it to be an intimidation. That's cool. Pretty intimidating. I didn't even know that it existed. Yeah, that's pretty intimidating. Now I'm going to get some. Yeah, I didn't know. Hey, thanks for the call. How spun out would you be if you were sitting across from me and I was just wearing red contacts? Spin me out a little bit. A lot.
Spin me out. I'm just getting happy faces in my eyes. Oh, that's so weird. I'm going to get tiger eyes. This is strange. If you're just tuning in, Woods put Crisco all over Jay's English muffin. Ruined my breakfast. Oh, boy. You owe me 45 cents. Seriously. That's what he's most mad about. Boy, he wanted that English muffin. He is so frugal. Oh, yeah. He's one of the most frugal guys you'll ever meet. I don't get it. I guarantee he's got a little notebook where he's writing down the things you owe him. Oh, yeah. I guarantee there's an English muffin on that list. You ever going to give me that staple back? That staple. You're just going to hoard it. I guess you forgot about that paper clip that you took from me. Go ahead. Keep it, thumbtack. Have at it. Just spin, spin, spin until it's gone. Yeah, because you know what? They're growing on trees. Guess I'll just send out for breakfast. You know, the term send out hasn't been used. It was used for secretaries in the 1940s. Mad men. Yes, I'd like to send out for food if you don't mind, Barbara. Why? Why? Today I'll have a pastrami on rye. Okay, Bill. And what about you, Joe? What are you sending out for? I'm good today. I've got apple slices, Barbara. Yes, I'm good. Why? I'm trying to lose weight. Why?
How are you going to do it? Why? I'm going to stop eating burritos every morning. Why? That's a fantastic idea. I stopped eating burritos. There you go. I'm trying to be healthy, too. Hey, New Year's resolution. If you know a way to do it. Oh, no. Now everybody's going to call me and say, hey. How's your weight loss going? Well, that and getting a lot of people lately that are giving me ways to do it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Exercise and get right. Exercise and change your diet. Get out of bed. Walk around, he says. Oh, boy. Don't drive to the mailbox. What's a mailbox? A rascal. He is so... He's got a point. You don't need a rascal for that. I don't use a rascal. It's a four-wheeler, you guys. It's an ATV. It's really cool. It's a Segway. We're going to be doing the Incorporator. Oh, boy. And so if you would like to be a part of the Incorporator, here's what you do. You call us up and you're going to give us eight words. Now, when Woods used to work as a sales guy to pass the time, because they would get bored, they would walk up to each other's cubicles and they would give a word to the person that was talking on the phone. That person would have to incorporate the word into the conversation. Woods got to be pretty good at it.
So Woods is the incorporator. You call us and you give us a word right now, and then we're going to call a place. Where are we calling today? We are calling an equipment rental place. All right. And I'm going to be asking to rent a jackhammer. You're going to call and ask to rent a jackhammer. Yes, I am. All right. There's a lot of jokes in there. Now, we just need you to call us right now and give us words. Okay? Now, not fake words. Right. Real words. For instance, toy. Chapstick. Chapstick. Jerky. Whatever. But don't make some word up. Right. It's very easy, and we'll do the Incorporator when we come back. The Mikey Show. I like it. I like it. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. You're a nerd. More coming up in just a couple. FM949. Motorcyclists often seem rather intimidating. Rough and tumble, real bad mamma-jammers. Little do folks know, they can actually be quite sensible, especially if they ensure their motorcycle with Geico along with their car. Geico's multi-policy discount could save them quite a bit of money. Did I just say bad mamma-jammers? Do you ever say something and think, I wish I'd never said that? This is one of them times.
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Hey gang, it's your old pal Woodsy. And your old pal L.O.B. Hey, we wanted to tell you about a place that has been completely life-altering and life-changing for both of us. That place is Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. L.O.B. and I both went in. We got LASIK surgery. L.O.B., what are you seeing right now? Oh, I'm seeing what you'd call better than perfect, which is 2015. Me too. Me too. It's such a nice treat to wake up in the morning, not have to put in contacts at three o'clock in the morning or wear glasses. You know, then you go to the gym after work. Then you got to put your contacts in because you don't want to work out in your glasses. You can go surf. You can do whatever. Yeah. And you don't have to worry about contacts and any of that mess anymore. So give them a call today. It's 858-452-3937. Gosh, it's been... almost a year and a half for me since I got mine done, I'm still seeing perfect. I'm seeing better than perfect. It's a phenomenal place. Go in there. You get a free consultation. They're going to look at you and see if you're a good candidate for LASIK. If you want to check them out online, go to www.clearvieweyes.com or you can give them a call today at 858-452-3937. Yeah, make sure you tell them that LLB and Woodsy sent you. See you later.
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With H&R Block Office online, mobile, and block live, you can now prepare and file your taxes wherever, whenever, and however you like. H&R Block. Never settle for less. This report brought to you by Firestone Complete Auto Care. You need that extra value from your car. Firestone Complete Auto Care can help from oil changes to brake repairs to new tires. Together, they'll keep your car running newer longer. Call 1-800-LOCATE-US for the location nearest you. Well, it looks like you've got some slowing here this morning as you travel on to the, well, you know what? Right when I tell you you've got slowing, things pick up. On the 67 northbound Lakeside Avenue to Mapleview Street, it's about 39 miles an hour. That drive into El Cajon's a little tough. The 54 southbound from Main Street to about Willow Glen Drive in the mid-30s. And swinging on over to the 5 northbound, you've got delays from 24th Street to about 9th Street Plaza Boulevard. This report brought to you also by Children's Advil. Nothing brings your child's fever down faster or keeps it down longer. Choose Children's Advil Relief.
You can trust. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. This is Bird, Bird Surf Shed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for a Monday morning brought to you by the shed where you can stop at any time of the day to check it all out. All kinds of interesting things. Maybe someone's going to be shaping. You can watch that too. So I'll be there. Come on by. Surf wise today looking smaller but fun. Low west, northwest will be swell. Continues to produce waves in that waist high. Plus range up to chest height, maybe even a shoulder high wave or two on occasion. Dealing with mega high tides, which is slowing down the size and shape at all areas. Reef breaks really backed off, but beaches looking fairly fine. Mostly clear skies this morning and brisk offshore winds, so it's not real large, but it's fairly clean. Mega high tide later this morning will slow down quite a few spots, making the beaches your most likely place to finally go out. As the tide drains out later in the day, look for some of the reef breaks to start to show some size and better shape as well.
So, smaller but still fun. For up-to-the-minute surf reports forecast, go to surpline.com and for all your surf will repair and restoration needs, go see Joe Roper down on Marina Boulevard and tell him Bird sent you. The Authentic Surf Report can only be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Come on, get up. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I know a lot of... Girly stuff. Woods. I've bathed myself in ranch. Lauren. I'm all about the discounts. Reviews. And Jay. Whenever I go to a party, I'll bring beer, but I bring beer for myself. On FM 94.9. Incorporated are coming up in just a moment. Now, if you've never heard it before, it's pretty easy. Basically, we're going to give Woods eight words. I'll always tell him the first one. So I'll tell you, Woods. Your first word's going to be carrot top. Carrot top. Is that a word? It's the top of a carrot. Okay. Yeah. It's a comedian. Okay. You know, we always say noun, right? Okay. Maybe not. Well, we're going to do the Incorporator in just a second. I'm going to have Woods dial. Yes. I don't dial fast enough. And so Woods is going to dial.
We have a sophisticated equipment in here. Apparently too sophisticated for you, Mike. For me. I can't dial fast enough. Now, Woods, where are we calling? It's Equipment Rental Place. And you're asking for a jackhammer. Yeah. All right. You need to leave the room. Okay. You need to leave the room. I asked for a jackhammer yesterday. It's just weird. That's right. I mean, don't we all? All right. Door closed. Here are the words. First word is carrot top. The next word is immortal. I'm hiding so he can't see what I'm saying. The next word is Oreos. The next word is rambunctious. The next word is lobotomy. The next word is sock puppet. Oh, he's going to be so mad. Oh, I know. The next word is corncob. And the last word is mansion. He's going to make a face when you say corncob. Like, is that a word? I guarantee it. All right. Come on in.
Very particular. First one's Carrot Top. Jumping up and down. And he's going to dial. Now, the person on the phone. Hang on a second. Before I do this. The person on the phone will be able to hear Woods, not me. All feed Woods the words. And he's just got to make them fit. Are you ready, Woods? I'm ready. All right, let's do this. One, right? Yes. We're sorry. It is not necessary. Dial the one or something. It says you didn't have to. I'd like to let it ring forever. Wake up, Mike. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Maybe they're really busy. They're busy. Yeah. You dialed too slow. No, I didn't. You get one more shot. Take off. Here we go. You can't make any noise. Shh. Carrot top. If you'd like to make a carrot, please hang out. You said carrot top. You said carrot top. I have to let the audience know. I got to let the audience know. Jay, come do this. Gosh darn it.
You can't talk. You can't talk during the dialing. Right when I finish, you go, carrot talk. What about the other time when I did it? It was ringing. They were busy. You got to let them pick it up. How long do we let it ring? A minute. Okay, let's go. One minute. Try one more time. Maybe I do it. Oh, you can't do it. Turn that down, right? If you'd like to make a call. You freak out. Mike, he's leaving. He's gone. He took his headphones and he's walking away. What's the deal? It's our phone system. It's our phones. Our phones are freaking terrible. Oh, man. Oh, gosh, gosh. Oh, wow, wow, wow. I don't understand why these phones won't dial. You want to try again? Yeah, why not? I got nothing else planned, you know? Okay, I'm done. Okay, yeah, me too. Oh, S.O.B. I know. Fix the phones! We gave it our best shot.
That sucks. We gave it our best shot. That sucks, dude. Listen, I'm just going to address the white elephant in the room. We're not having a good day. It's not a good day. It's not going well. Sometimes you're the dog and sometimes you're the hydrant. Today, we're the hydrant. Sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar eats you. That's horse ass, dude. I know. It isn't your fault. It's, you know, it's just horse. It's nobody's fault. Isn't it? That just does not dial well in there. It doesn't. I can dial out here no problem. It's always been an issue. Oh, you want to try? Please. You try. Oh, in here? I'll let him do it any way that he wants to do it. I'm going to dial it? Yeah, yeah. You can do it. Transfer it? It works. Can you transfer it to me? Yeah. That's so ridiculous. We got to fix that. We're a radio show. I know. Yeah, make sure I put my hand through a wall. Me too. Stupid. Yeah, it always works because Jay always gets people on the phone for us. Right. Works for him. He's dialing right now. Squinting. That means he's concentrating. I'm going to be a plumber. Yeah. Sing about doing construction. I could always be like a receptionist. A stewardess? I would be. A flight attendant. Oh, okay. Secretary. What else could I do? I would work at Costco. He's got it. Working.
No, I'd probably screw up Costco, too. Oh, you would? You'd be grazing. Yeah, I'd always be eating. You can't graze at Costco. It's all packed up. We'll find a way. My poor wife. All she wanted to do is marry a successful man. That's all she wanted. She married for love, not for success. Well, she got what she wanted, huh? I feel like the worst. Have a telemarketer call me if you want to talk to them. Blowing my phone up all morning. Probably my credit card bill. Nothing else going on. Can't dial out. It's awesome. Plenty of stuff to talk about. Cool, man. I'll tell you what I'm going to do. Tebow, huh? Tell you what I'm going to do because it's actually... Is there any cussing in the song Uprising by Muse? Not that I'm aware of. No, there's no cussing in there. I don't think so. I think it might be better to just play a song. So...
Why did you just hear Muse on the radio? Why did you just hear Uprising during the middle of the mic show? Because, listen, I was thinking up the place. And I realized it was better to play a song than to be on the radio at that moment. What's your old saying that you learned from one of your program directors? There's a Soundgarden rule. Soundgarden rule, which I love. I think that's so brilliant. My old program director, Tim Dukes, I wanted to be a talk show back when I was doing nights. I want to be a talk show. I said, hey, let me stop playing the records. I want to be a talk show. He said, as long as whatever you're doing is better than the Soundgarden record, you can do whatever you want. But if it's not as good as the Soundgarden record, well, then you got to play Soundgarden.
From now on, if we have a bit that just sucks, we should just go into a Soundgarden record every single time. Yeah, just play Spoonman. And then people will know. They're like, yeah, they just crapped a bet on that one. Something bad happened. That's pretty good. Hope you guys like Soundgarden. Hope you guys like Soundgarden. You're going to hear a lot of it. 94.9, the new home of Soundgarden. Right. You may get Soundgarden's greatest hits on a Monday. Three and a half hours of Soundgarden. That sucks, dude. Can't dial out, do the incorporator. It's weak. Phone system. I'm just taking the house. We're floundering. Can't we just get a regular phone? Hey, at this point, I'm going to start doing it on my cell phone. Just holding it up? Just hold the cell phone. Why not? Try the tin can with a string. With a string. Just throw it somewhere. Whoever picks it up, we incorporate. Hey, listen, Garrett, if you're listening, I'm sorry. I really wanted this thing to work. We tried five times. I tried five times to call out. It wouldn't work. Five. You know what skeeves me out more than that? This is one of our plans. Call us and make us feel better, by the way. Please. This is one of our plans. We're going to talk about the stuff that skeeves us out. My wife, it's the tape that they put on.
When they put the IV, you know how they put the tape and they rip it off? That doesn't bother me. The actual needle skeeves me out. But the tape, I could care less. Or when the doctor says you're going to feel a stick. That's disgusting. That's hideous. When veggies go bad in the fridge. When you spill chicken juice. On your hands or when you notice that you've been defrosting chicken and some of the juice has leaked down into a lower reservoir of your refrigerator. That chicken juice, it may be my number one thing. Chicken juice, period. When you take chicken out of the container and it's on your fingers, you don't ever feel like you can get it clean. You never can get it off. It's disgusting. How about the bruise on a banana when you're eating it? I don't mind the bruise. It's kind of sweet. Both of you, sex perverts, Mikey and Lauren, like it. I don't prefer a bruise, but I'll eat the bruise. How about the little tip, the little black tip thing at the end of a banana? Ew, I don't like the tip. I don't like when I'm drinking something and I'm about two-thirds of the way through and I see that there's some...
Gook stuck to the side of my glass. Dishwasher. That's disgusting. We have the world's worst dishwasher. And I mean the world's worst dishwasher. I pulled a knife out yesterday to cut a piece of steak. To cut a piece of steak and I go, hey babe, is this knife supposed to be white? It was white. There was white soap and crap all over it. They changed the soaps, that's why. Make them more green. They did? Yeah, now they don't clean. Yep. At least that's what the dishwasher company told me when I called to complain. You really called to complain? Yeah, because everything was white. All right, now we got something. Oh, now we got something. You did what? My dishwasher was not cleaning anything and it was leaving a white film. And so you, so what did you, did you go online? No. And find the number? I have the owner's manual. Yeah, the owner's manual. And they had a phone number in there. And I wanted to get the repairman out there. And they said, well, first, let's go through some troubleshooting. Because I still had a warranty on it. So you're talking to Maytag home offices. Yes. And the woman was dumb. Very, very dumb. Sorry, woman, but you were dumb. Okay. And she's going through her book and all this stuff. And then she's like, oh, yeah, but they changed the soaps. And I was like, what? And she's like, yeah, the phosphorus in the front is. Yeah.
They had to take those out because all the environmental people were complaining. That was her quote. I was like, really? She's like, yeah, uh-huh, yep. So we can't come out there. No, that's just this. I'm like, so what do you do then? She's like, you can run it once with just no soap after. I'm like, so I got to run it twice. I'm like, wouldn't the environmental people be upset about that? Yeah. Our bit is we have to scrub everything in our sink to then put it. Right. In the dishwasher. Dishwasher. Which is awesome. You don't even use it. I wouldn't even use the dishwasher if it's that bad. Let's see. M1 John. Are you there, John? Yeah. John's calling in from Dana Point. Hi. Hey, what's up? Hey, I'm just in Starbucks and I'm like laughing my butt off. And everyone's looking at me. At our struggles. You're laughing at our struggles. Maybe in some weird way it's compelling. It's so bad. I think the best part of your show, really, honestly, is I feel like I'm one of you guys.
like messing up and stuff. Yeah. It's like you're terrible right along with us. Yeah. Do you get the hot sweats like I do? Like when I was trying to dial and it wasn't working? I was sweating like Patrick Ewing in the fourth quarter. Well, here's the deal. We had stopped doing the Incorporator for a long time. And I know Woods probably thought it was personal. No, I didn't. You never thought that I was like, I didn't like it or something? Well, to be honest with you, when we first started in radio, When I first started on radio, I mean, I'm only two years in. I was like, well, it's not that big a deal if it doesn't dial out. We'll just keep trying until it gets it. But now I realize that, like, I just didn't get it. Like, I didn't think that you didn't like the bit. I was like, why is he getting so upset that it's not dialing out? Now I'm freaking pissed that it's not dialing out. Yeah. Every minute counts. That's the deal. Every minute counts. I wonder if in some way it makes our listeners feel better about themselves. Yes. Like, if we keep screwing up, then they're like, gosh, at least I can get it right. You have to have.
One BFF. Big fat friend. Because that friend will make you feel better about yourself. That's who we want to be for you. Your big fat friend. You got it covered. He can do that on his own. He don't need us, Mike. I need a nurse. I've had enough. Now back to the Mikey show with Mikey. Things happen. I got diarrhea. Woods. I have two speeds. I'm stopping there. Lauren. So everybody knows how I feel about bottled water. I hate it. And Jay. They said there's breastfeeding out there. I was like, I'm in. Check, check. One, two, three, check. On FM 94.9. I just got 4G LTE from AT&T here in San Diego. And let me tell you, it's crazy fast. Like living in the future fast. Up to 10 times faster than 3G. My roommates can't keep up. Ooh, Jenny, did you hear... That Barbara has an extra ticket to the concert? Lisa, that's so 42 seconds ago. I already downloaded it from the link she sent me. Oh, great. Lisa will forget about that ticket soon. See, about 52 seconds ago, her boyfriend changed his relationship status to single. She doesn't know that yet, but she will in three...
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Every day it's the same old thing. All work, no play, and no free lunches. Will at Harrah's Ring Con break the routine? All you have to do is play 30 minutes, earn 25 reward credits, and you'll get a free buffet. There's no strings attached, just big, juicy pieces of prime rib. Offer valid from Sunday through Thursday, open to close. Harrah's Ring Con. Oh, boy. Today, I need to get my butts in to choose fitness and work off some of this frustration. Hi, guys. How you doing? I'm doing okay. Get into Choose Fitness. You're going to get a gym membership for as low as $9.99 a month. That's no joke. There's no come on. It's no commitment. Choose Fitness is going to treat you a little better than the Mikey Show has been treating you today. We're struggling. Was he going to get into Choose today? Like you wouldn't believe. I'm going to get into Choose.
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And don't forget to stock up on lunch. Lean cuisine or Stover's meals are $1.95 each when you buy five or more. Keep the new year on the right path with big savings. Vons, ingredients for life. This report, it's brought to you by Firestone Complete Auto Care. You need that extra value from your car. Firestone Complete Auto Care can help. From oil changes to brake repairs to new tires, together they'll keep your car running newer longer. Call 1-800-LOCATE-US for the location nearest you. Well, it looks like we've got a little bit of backup this morning as you travel through Chula Vista on the 5 northbound from 9th Street Plaza Boulevard down to about the 54 eastbound.
20 miles an hour. Also an accident here on the 15 southbound at the 5. And then as you travel through La Mesa, pretty tough this morning on the 8 westbound from Fletcher Parkway to Jackson Drive. Speeds about 26 miles an hour. This report brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers. Toyota owners, with the new year upon us, now's a great time to bring your car to your neighborhood Toyota dealer. From batteries to tires, Toyota's got you covered. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. This is The Mikey Show. With Mikey. I wear like a 44 small. Woods. I'm so lonely. Lauren. I'm very clumsy. And Jay. I'm wearing Dockers right now. Oh, my God. On FM 94.9. You're listening to The Mikey Show. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's Lauren O'Brien. We call her L-O-B. That's Jay. And our phone screener is Nicole.
When the Padres got rid of Adrian Gonzalez, it was a big deal because he was the best player that we had at the time. And Padres have kind of become synonymous with getting rid of their best players. Jeff Heavey, Adrian Gonzalez. Now, when we got rid of Adrian Gonzalez, who did we get rid of him? What did we get out of that deal? We got a package of prospects. And the biggest prospect that you got back for Adrian Gonzalez was from the Red Sox. And his name was Anthony Rizzo. And he was supposed to be the savior of this franchise. Again, I mean, it was a big, big hyped deal. Anthony Rizzo is now a Chicago Cub. What? Yeah. A Chicago Cub? He's a Chicago Cub. No, I thought he was going to be one of our big guys. He was going to be a great player for us. No. Now, they had just made a trade for Yonder Alonzo. Yonder Alonso, who is going to be a good first-base prospect. So they had a little bit of a log jam at first base. He traded Matt Latos for Yonder Alonso. So they made a move, and they sent Anthony Rizzo. He tore it up in the minors last year, tore it up, and then didn't play that well when he got up to the majors. So what they did is they made a move for Andrew Kashner.
Plays for the Cubs. Now this kid has what you call a power arm. He can throw about 100 miles an hour. Only problem is he was a little bit hurt last year. Had some shoulder problems. So we're taking a flyer on this kid. But if healthy, he's going to be used in the eighth inning to set up Houston Street. Which, listen, if he's healthy, kid's a stud. And Rizzo may be one of those guys that is real good in the minors. Can't really translate. But, you know, only time will tell with prospects. But it just... It struck me as funny because your main cog in that – the main piece you got back for Gonzo is now gone a year later. Yeah. And Andrew Kashner is the newest San Diego Padre. I got to tell you, I love what the GM is doing for the Padres. He's making moves, man. At least he's like – I just hope it pans out. Yeah, you just hope some of these moves pan out. But, man, he is making some moves. New Scientist Magazine asked Stephen Hawking what he thinks about the most. Do you know what he said? No. Women. He said they are a complete mystery. Join the club. You know who they're not a mystery to? Who? George Clooney. That is true. That is a true fact. Brad Pitt. Yes. He is married. He is? Yes, in fact, he's been married twice. Really? Yeah, I can't get married once. You can't get married and Stephen Hawking is working on his second. Twice.
Twice. Stephen Hawking, God bless him, uses his cheek to type words, which then translate to a voice box. Yes. And he's been married twice. Twice. Two times women have committed to him. Yes. For the rest of their lives. Yeah. Two different occasions. L.O.B., who is a sexy blonde girl. Yeah, very foxy. Not a girl anymore. Well, not quite a woman. Yeah, I guess a woman. Maybe you should call him up. A lady. An adult woman. He's happily married. I want to break that up. Yeah. Well, he's in a happy marriage. Yeah. He just celebrated his 70th birthday, Warren. Wow. 70th. So there's hope. There's hope. There's hope. You know what I mean? Women are a complete mystery. Yeah. They don't make any sense. I think that we make much more sense. Yes. Nah. Look who's here. I didn't know you were coming to visit us today. Can we say? What? HB. HM. HM. You made an appointment with Woods? Yeah, she said she was going to bring some coffee. Sweet. And we love coffee. Why did you keep it to yourself? Yeah, I forgot. Make sex or something? I wasn't trying to make sex here. I forgot. Weren't you?
Why did you call on your private bat phone? Oh, yeah, girl. Yeah, why did you call on that phone that you have that no one knows about? That flip phone that I still keep? It's got wings on it. It says sex phone on it. It was actually a Facebook message, and I said, yeah, come on by. We'd love to have your coffee. M1 Jesse is on the line from San Diego. What was the word of the day? Nurse. You are correct. It was nurse. You're going to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers hang on the line. Way to give it away. That's right. Now. Rachel Atkinson, or yes, Rachel Atkinson, Albuquerque, New Mexico. She lost her $4,500 diamond wedding ring. Just keep rubbing it in. Still wedding stories right after story. Talk about Vera Wang next, Mike. Turn on TLC and watch the wedding story. Well, it turned out that their 10-month, Old Basset Hound, Caroline, who was probably also married, had swallowed the wedding ring. Jealous. Well, they waited for the dog to poop it out, and the dog did not. And so they had to take the dog to get surgery so that they could get the $4,500 ring out of its gut. Bitch. Holy.
It's appropriate. Holy. It's a female dog. Holy crap. It's a female dog. That was so. See you, Mike. Mike is now flying over the 163. It's a female dog. Like Superman. Come on, guys. I'm thinking that maybe I start swallowing rings so that people have to surgically remove them to get it back from me. At least I'll have my ring. Bitch. Swallow. I'm going to wake up and I'm going to go. Wow. I'm going to be like, hey, Jay, I dreamt. That would never happen, Mikey. Just go back to sleep. I dreamt that you just dropped a cuss word. Yeah. Not a cuss word. I used it appropriately. My wife is going to leave a little cyanide pill on my nightstand tonight with a little note that says, it'll be better this way. It says.
I understand. Just bite down on your tooth. You did everything you could. Yes. You did everything you could do. I understand this was the last resort. But I won't blame you. Right. We'll be fine. We'll be fine. Don't mind us. Just a note that says, I don't blame you. I don't blame you. I would, too. I would, too. Oh, gosh. Oh, boy. Suck today. I thought I sucked on Friday, too. No. You were good. Everybody said Friday was a great day. I went home. I told my wife. I go, today was my worst personal performance since we've been on the air. And that was the day Garrett came in and goes, hey, it's one of your best shows ever. You were like Lenny Bruce Friday compared to today. We were up for like a Marconi or something. For real. Oh, my gosh. Oh, boy. When it rains, it pours. Can't win them all.
Two birds in the hand. Right. Exactly. So, and to top it all off, it's been nine days since Jay started stop drinking coffee. Yes. That explains a lot. It does, doesn't it? What might be happening. You think so? Yeah, he's been a little scattered. I'm drinking tea. Yeah, why'd you stop with a coffee then? My doctor just said it's not good for me. Well, you would think it'd be the caffeine. You're still drinking caffeine. No, no, he said that the acid in coffee. Oh. So my stomach doesn't do well. So I haven't really missed it. Cancer can thrive in an acidic environment. I see. Oh, is that right? Yes. You need to have an alkaline environment for it not to thrive. Oh, I get that. I'll let it end. Sounded like a game of devil touch. Anybody else have anything? My sister and I were wearing matching outfits on Saturday. I don't know. Anything else you want to talk about?
That was crazy. Just throw out some topics, I guess. Silver shirt, black pants. Don't spit there and pucker! I can't today. Do you understand? They choke. Oh, you don't have to rub it in. Game over, man. They cut there and choked on applesauce. Christy McNichols came out as a lesbian. Is that true? Yeah. The actress from Empty Nest. I knew it. I never thought Christy McNichol. No. She's been living with her lover for like two decades. And no one seemed to notice. She was my first big crush. Really? And then Brooke Shields. Was that the girl you were crying about in the backseat? That was her, right? It's a true story. We should tell Mikey embarrassing stories from your youth. Yes. There's a lot of them. There's a bunch. And people seem to enjoy them. You tell it. I don't want to tell it. I seem to remember you being about 10 years old. Road trip. Younger. Seven, probably. Seven. Being on a road trip with your family and the thought just crossed your mind of you wanted to be with her so badly. Right then. She should be with you. Right then. At that moment, like right then. And you started crying. I had to be with her. You had to have her. And she wasn't there in the back of our station wagon. What would you have done with her if you had her? Because it wasn't like a sexual thing. Was it like a... No, it was too. At seven? Yeah, I was in love with her.
At the time, you thought making love was just laying on top of each other. No, it wasn't even that. I just was in love with her. I just, you know, I wanted us to be together. Yeah. Well, she wasn't into dudes, so it's not your fault. That wasn't your fault. Didn't know. It wasn't just you. What about when you were little and you had a king-size meal that you were allowed every day? That's a pretty good story. Yeah. Yikes. That's a sore subject. Again! That's always a good one. Fan fave. Bring on the biggins. Have you ever almost died, Mike? Yeah, about 8.07. That's a good story. We did. How did you almost kill your parents? Threw it out there. Or has your kid almost killed you? I've done it. What'd you do? This was about seventh grade and my dad told me I had to clean the basement.
When we lived in Connecticut, we had a basement. It was pretty finished out, you know, but a concrete floor with some rugs on it, TV, Nintendo, all that. So we'd go down there and hang out. Well, I did kind of a half-assed job. Yeah. Weird. And he was like, uh-uh, I told you, you've got to clean the basement. You're not going to go out and do anything until you clean the basement. I go, all right, I'm going to clean this basement. It's so good to make your head spin. So the stairs leading from the kitchen down to the basement were wood, wooden stairs. I pledged them. With pledge. Oh, wow. And a rag. And I pledged them. You could eat off these things. Now, what was your thought process there? What were you thinking? I'm going to clean every nook and cranny of this thing. So he's going to... Oh, he wants a clean house? He's going to get it. Out of spite, I did. Like, I cleaned so good out of spite. Like, the stuff that... Above and beyond, he wouldn't even be expected. Right, right. So you weren't doing it to be malicious. Oh, no. I wasn't trying to hurt anybody, and I didn't even think about it like that. But my first thought was, well, what's the first thing he sees when he opens the door? Right. The stairs. Right. And those SOBs were going to be glistening. Right. And I mean shiny. So I sat there with a rag and pledging. Scrubbed them, scrubbed them, scrubbed them. They looked phenomenal. Right. Well, I go, all right, I'm done. You know, two hours later, he goes, all right, I'll come check it out. Does the bit. They got to check it out. Yeah. Walks in, hits the first step.
Yeah. All the way down. Didn't touch another step. He was in his socks. Oh, gosh. And he hit the first step and went all the way down. And I mean, there was probably 18 steps, 15, 18 steps all the way down. Were you standing there? I was at the bottom. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. I was like, oh, boy. Oh, no. Oh, no. He comes tumbling down, and he broke his arm. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Are you serious? I didn't do it on purpose. You're like the good son. Yeah, I didn't do it on purpose. He broke his arm, and his bit, I was like, you know, I freaked. I was scared. I mean, I was like, I'm. You could have killed him. Right. He could break his neck. You know what I mean? And so I'm yelling for my mom and we're all trying to get him up and he's furious. He's furious and he's hurt. Yeah. And he's like in pain. And so he laid there on the floor, on the floor of the basement for about an hour and a half. He laid there? He just laid there and moaned.
Angrily. Angrily. And I disappeared. I was like, well, I'm not going to wait around for this. And so I left. And I came home later. You went and hung out with your friend. Yeah, I went and shot hoops or something with my buddies. I came home later. And he's sitting in. We had these blue chairs. And you could see when you came up the basement stairs, if you looked in, he was watching TV. And he had his arm in a homemade sling. Like a sock. Like holding his arm up. And I was like. Are you okay? He's like, I'm fine. Broken arm. Never went to the doctor. Never. He never went to the doctor. Makes no sense. He never went to the doctor. That's where I get it from. Never. Oh, gosh. Oh, wow. You're a monster. Yeah. Apparently, I am. But I wasn't trying to hurt the guy. That's fantastic. I was being a little jerk. Yeah. And I was like, I'm going to clean the crap out of this thing for you. Rebecca, she... hit the deck yesterday as hard as you can hit it. Same bit. Stairs. And she said that she hit her butt so hard on that stair that she felt her teeth rattle. Yeah. I didn't try to kill Matt, but I punched him in the chin on Friday. I punched him in the face. On mistake? About time. I was asking him to teach me some boxing moves on the beach.
We were walking on the beach. And I was like, teach me. And he got me all poised to do it. And I was ducking and doing the whole thing. Bobbing and weaving. Yeah, I was bobbing and weaving. And then we got to the point where it's almost like a reservoir. There's too much water coming up. And there's a little cliff in Cardiff. And he picked me up from behind and was like, oh, let's see you fight out of this one. And instinctively, I turned around and popped him in the face. Holy cow. And I hit him in the chin so hard that I hurt his teeth. Oh, my God. Oh, I know. And he was like, oh, he had this look of stun. And then he was like, man, I wish that you would have knocked me out because that would have been the best story ever. Because he said I hit him square. You heard his teeth rattle. Yeah, his teeth. Did it hurt your hand? Yeah. Yeah, it hurts. Punching someone in the face. I was like, I've never heard punch anyone in the face. Oh, my God. It hurts. Yeah. It hurts you worse than it hurts them a lot of times. Yeah. His teeth clung together. And then he was like, I almost wish that you would have knocked me out because it would have been a great story. It's phenomenal. Then there's this PETA story. This is ridiculous. PETA's at it again. They're trying to get a roadside memorial sign. And not just a sign. Signs put up in Illinois. In memory of the cattle that have been killed when trucks were hauling them and flipped over in two separate accidents.
Now, here's the deal. Now, it's sad. That is sad. Yeah. Understandably. But a roadside memorial, usually when you do a roadside memorial, you get like the family's okay. As long as they get family buy-in from the cows. Yeah. You're fine. Then fine. And then ride it in cow. And ride it in cow. So it's people for ethical treatment of animals. Yes. Wasn't that just an accident? Was that unethical? Yeah. Yeah, as an accident. Well, they would argue it wouldn't have happened at all if you didn't eat them. Well, then shouldn't the memorials be set up outside the slaughterhouses? Yes. And if they were going to be slaughtered anyway. Right. They're going to be slaughtered anyway. Unless they were dairy cows. Yeah. Well, you've got to get... But they died a horrible death. It's probably better than the slaughter. I say move on. Does any... Oh, gosh, Jerry. Come on, dude. It's bad enough. How cowless of you. Oh, my God. That's so cruel of you to make a bad joke on a day like this. That's bull-ass. That is bull-ass. Is that request disrespectful to people that have actually got memorials up? No, it doesn't. I think it's just a little ludicrous, but it doesn't... It wouldn't... If I had lost a buddy on that highway to that and they had a memorial for him...
That wouldn't bother me. I'd just go, that's a little weird, having a memorial. I'm all for the ethical treatment of animals. Would you see the memorial on the side of the road and go, what? Yes. What? Well, that's what I don't understand about people for the ethical treatment of animals. I mean, everybody is for the ethical treatment of animals. Not everybody. Well, you're not against it. You know what I mean? Some people are. Oh, boy. Some of the people that do the slaughtering. Well, anybody that fights dogs. Yeah. Or drags cows to slaughter. What do you mean? How do I bring it back to that? Not everyone is for treating animals equally. I would have been interested in asking Michael Vick, hey, is there anything that you would find out of bounds when it comes to animals? Yeah. I mean, when you read about some of the stuff that him and his crew were doing, there was nothing out of bounds. I guess not. Here's an interesting thought. Yeah? In some countries, they breastfeed monkeys. What do you mean? I saw it on a special last night. What do you mean? They have monkeys as pets, and the women that are currently breastfeeding their children will also breastfeed monkeys. That's freaking straight. Is that ethical? Why do they do that? For food. To give them food. She likes my breasts. She likes my breasts. Yes, baby. What is this one's name? And the monkeys sit on their heads. Well, I guess we're all different, huh?
Where are we going? I worked at a place one time where a guy had a monkey and he brought it in to work. That was kind of cool, watching a monkey run around the office with a bunch of dudes in suit and ties. I wanted a monkey as a pet so bad when I was a kid. I always ask Jamie if we can get one, my wife, and she says, no. I want one so bad. I think it's illegal. That's too bad. Ross had one on Friends. Marcel. Yeah. I'm always going to remember that Lauren brought up the story of the breastfeeding monkey. I saw it last night. I was like, ugh. I will always remember that. Yeah, of course. That'll be a story that just never leaves me. Jay didn't like Mission Impossible. It's too fake. It's a movie. It's Mission Impossible. Not a documentary, Jay. I get fake, okay? I get fake. But it's like, if a guy falls 25 feet on his head, he's dead, okay? But he's trained. They're trained. You don't train your head to be harder. It's Ethan Hunt. He didn't tuck and roll. He fell from 20 feet above a window, hit his head on the frame, and then they caught him. Glass breaking in the windows was breaking in big chunks. When you break a window, it's safety glass. It breaks in little tiny pieces. That's what he was thinking about the whole time he was watching that movie. Come on, make it realistic if you're going to do it. When I throw you through a window, it better break in little tiny pieces. The whole series like that? Yes. Isn't that the deal with the Bond movies, too? Yeah, but isn't that the deal with every?
Well, Bond movies, stuff he did, he could have lived through, like being drugged behind a boat or any of that kind of stuff. He wasn't falling huge distances and bouncing off floors. I saw Pierce Brosnan fall and land into a plane. Yeah. I've seen Ghost Protocol, Mission Impossible, Ghost Protocol twice. I'd go see it a third time. It's freaking good, man. It makes your heart race. It's fantastic. It was funny. Funny? Jay also, when I was asking him about it this morning, he goes, yeah, and then the first one, damn guy's on a motorcycle, and they're changing the wheel. One time it's a dirt bike wheel, next time it's a motorcycle wheel. I'm like, that's what you're thinking about? I can't remember the first or second one, but there was a motorcycle he was on, and it was, yeah, you can't change a wheel while he's rolling. What's a wheel? You should have one, my friend. You should have one. Good one. You got me. Soupy sales. Hey, Eddie Youngman. How many times a year do you think women lie? Give me the answer when we come back. I always have to look my sexiest. That's why I'm wearing these tight size 42. Get part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm sorry, our time is up. What's up there, sugar lumps? It's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out. No effects are in town tonight.
It's an all-ages show with no use for a name. Tomorrow night, they are playing with Lagwagon. Both of those shows at House of Blues. And then the legendary Wailers will play House of Blues Wednesday night. Everest hit the Casbah on the 13th. On the 15th, Transfer headlined the Casbah with silent comedy. And then on the 16th, silent comedy headlined with Transfer at the Casbah. Those crazy kids. You can see the Howls at their CD release party at the Casbah on the 27th. And still to come, shows from Dr. Dog nodded. Surf, Young and the Giant, Craig Finn, Chili Peppers, Ra Ra Riot, Foggy Molly, Colts, and Rise Against. So there you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at fm949sd.com. So, Woodsy, help me out here. Okay. Jay said, listen, I got to go to the bathroom. And I said, okay. So he left. Yep. But... What do I do? Well, I think the old system would just play commercials and he could go to the bathroom. But I think that we have some glitches, maybe several thousand of them. Maybe we get the glitches worked out before we take to the airways. But it just doesn't load. Like the commercials, they won't load. They don't play. So we get dead air, which is awesome for a radio station. A friend of mine just came in. She brought some stuff to help us.
Feel better? What? Hopefully some Zoloft and Xanax? No, seriously. I was actually embarrassed. Like, I saw her and I felt like I would have been, I'm not kidding you. I would have been less embarrassed seeing my friend Heather if I'd had my zipper open than today's program. Okay, so Jay, you got to explain this to me. Look at his face. He has no idea. You left and we went dead air. Was I supposed to do something? No, apparently what happened was there was an AIS that I don't even see on here now, and it stopped it to run an AIS, but I did not even see it. Oh, okay. So it was my fault. There's new logs, don't really say what they are. Maybe you start drinking coffee again. Yeah. Nope, not going to do it. All right, hit it. Hit it. Vons has everything you need to get back into the routine, all at unbelievable savings. As always, you'll get the great deals you're used to, but in addition, this week there are some extra special ones. Stock up and save on home care items. And compare us to warehouse prices. Get $3 off Tide Detergent, Brawny Paper Towels, or Quilted Northern Bath Tissue. Just $9.99 each when you buy two or more with Vons Club. Selected sizes and variety. You'll save huge. Celebrate your savings with a delicious, hearty meal. Juicy, tender Rancher's Reserve 7-Bone Chuck Pot Roast is only $1.99 a pound. Replenish the basics in your refrigerator for less. Gallons of refreshing pantry essentials or dairy Glenmilk.
Hey guys, it's Woodsy and I am so happy to be back working with my friends at NutriShop. If you didn't know, I was working with them last year. I broke my ankle. I had to stop going to the gym. So what happened? I put on a few extra pounds like we all have. But it's the new year. It's 2012. It's time to get back in the gym. And if you want to lose weight, flatten your midsection, or improve muscle tone, all three of which I desperately need to do, get to NutriShop. There's two locations. There's one in Mission Valley and one in Eastlake. They carry all of the latest cutting-edge nutritional supplements at the guaranteed lowest prices. If you stop in before January 31st, you will get 25% off of your next purchase on all non-sale items. Start this new year off right with NutriShop. Start getting results today. Go in there and talk to these guys, man. They'll do a customized meal plan for you. The pricing is phenomenal. Check them out at NutriShopUSA.com. M1 Lily, are you there? Hello. You called AIS, and what happened? Well, I called them because I called my regular car insurance to pay my six-month premium, and it almost doubled before I even, I don't even exactly know why. Once I found out, it seemed to be a big surprise to me as to why it increased.
So I remember hearing AIS all the time on the Mikey show. So I go ahead and gave him a call. And within like half an hour, AIS found a company that had the same coverage and half the price of the new premium of my old insurance. So they ended up saving me like $600 in 25 minutes. That's amazing. And that is a real story. And the number is 1-800-777-4AIS. 1-800-777-4247. Were you kind of kicking yourself like, why didn't I do this sooner? Well, I was really happy with my old insurance. I didn't know about AIS at all. And then all of a sudden I called the agent just to pay my bill. And out of nowhere, got this increase. And I thought, yeah, why didn't I do this sooner? That's awesome. Lily, thank you so much for the call. We appreciate it. Thank you. We'll see you. It's Pepper Jack and I'm back and I'm better than Jetta. Bringing heat to the meat like I swear in 10 sweaters. I can make my mouth water in the hottest of deserts. Spicy kick to your lips, you're gonna love it forever. The new under 500 calorie Santa Fe turkey burger from Carl's Jr. With green chili, pepper jack cheese and Santa Fe sauce. It's turkey remixed with the perfect amount of heat. And that's just the way it is.
Every day it's the same old thing. All work, no play, and no free lunches. Will at Harrah's Ring Con break the routine? All you have to do is play 30 minutes, earn 25 reward credits, and you'll get a free buffet. There's no strings attached, just big, juicy pieces of prime rib. Offer valid from Sunday through Thursday, open to close. Harris Rincon, come out and play. Must be 21 or older to gamble. Know what to stop before you start. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-522-4700. Owned by the Rincon Band of Luis San Juan. Finished by H. Cal LLC. Copyright 2012. Caesar's License Company, LLC. If you want 2012 to be the last time you make weight loss your New Year's resolution, call 1-800-GET-THIN-NOW. If you need to lose 15 pounds or over 100 pounds, 1-800-GETTHIN can help with customized medical weight loss treatments. Call 1-800-GETTHIN to attend a free weight loss seminar today. A weight loss specialist will work with you to develop a personalized program that will fit your needs and help you finally reach your goals. Choose from the latest medical weight loss options to help make your resolution a reality.
Your medical weight loss program may be covered by insurance. Call 1-800-GET-THIN now for a free insurance verification and get started today. Let your new life begin. Call 1-800-GET-THIN. Lose the weight and get healthy in 2012. With the help of 1-800-GET-THIN. That's 1-800-953-5000. I just got 4G LTE from AT&T here in San Diego. And let me tell you, it's crazy fast. Like living in the future fast. Up to 10 times faster than 3G. My roommates can't keep up. Ooh, Jenny, did you hear? That Barbara has an extra ticket to the concert? Lisa, that's so 42 seconds ago. I already downloaded it from the link she sent me. Oh, great. Lisa will forget about that ticket soon. See, about 52 seconds ago, her boyfriend changed his relationship status to single. She doesn't know that yet, but she will in 3, 2, 1. AT&T Rethink Possible. Introducing AT&T 4G LTE in San Diego with speeds up to 10 times faster than 3G.
Come in now and get the Samsung Galaxy S2 Skyrocket 4G LTE smartphone for free when you purchase the Samsung Galaxy Tab 8.9. Visit att.com or store for details. This report, it's brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers. Toyota owners with the new year upon us. Now's a great time to bring your car to your neighborhood Toyota dealer. From batteries to tires, Toyota's got you covered. Well, it looks like we've got a lot of stop and go. The 8 westbound between Hotel Circle and the 5, it's going to be delayed. Also, it's about a 10-minute drive from Lemon Grove to the downtown area. That's the 94 westbound between 32nd Street and 30th Street and the 5. Pretty slow. You've got an accident that's just cleared and it's an hour drive from Oceanside to the Split. About a 28-minute drive from Escondido to Mission Valley. This report also brought to you by Pro Nutrients. New Pro Nutrients, a line of three select supplements from the makers of Centrum. Help make nutrition possible. I'm Stacey Cohen on FM 94.9.
I'm a pretty honest guy and I've been a pretty honest guy for many years. Woods. I'll never forget it as long as I live. It was some village in Africa. She had like 60 of those rings around her neck and just boobs hanging out. Lauren. You know what I think the scariest thing is about clowns? They don't say anything. Yeah, that's great. Even though they can talk. And Jay. Just a man trying to do the right thing. On FM 94.9. There ain't no grave can hold my body down. There ain't no grave can hold my body down. M1 Dillweed is on the line. Hi, Dillweed. How are you guys doing? Doing good. How are you? I've been better. What do you mean? I'm heading out to Arizona right now to face the judge and jury about a marijuana ticket. Oh, no. A marijuana ticket? Yeah, I was going out to Woods knows about the baseball tournament out there for the World Series every October.
Got pulled into the border check with a couple grams of marijuana, and I've got to go back now and face the judge and see what they do to me. How do they know? The dogs. The dogs just freaked out on our car. Wait a minute. Are you talking about, like, between here, when you're driving, between here and El Centro, and there's that... Yeah, give him a border check. Yeah, so really? I have a couple jerks on him. Dogs freaked out? The guy just walked up to our car. Where are you guys going? We're on a baseball tournament. The dog goes, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar. Oh, boy. But they let you go. They let us go, but they gave me a ticket, and I have to go back today and appear on it. How much was the ticket? I don't know yet. I'll find out when I get there. Oh, man. Will you be in Maricopa County or no? I'll do it. I hope not, because I just watched the special on it last night. Sheriff Joe Arpaio. I've had to do a few court dates in Maricopa County, and it ain't fun, my man. It's not. They're tough there. Now, they were tough. They're real tough on drinking and driving, but I don't know how they are on marijuana. It's my first offense. No, you'll be fine. You'll pay a fine, and I wouldn't sweat it one more bit. You'll be okay. One more thing. Yeah.
I used to be that guy that hated morning talk radio when you guys first started. I didn't like you on the other station. Uh-huh. But now that I've been listening to you for like the last year and a half, when you guys took your vacation the last two weeks, it really sucked. Thank you, man. It really sucked. Makes us feel good. That's great. There are days where we're not like this, you know. Anyway, wish me luck and you guys have an awesome week. Good luck. Break a leg. No, don't break a leg. Never say good luck. They say that women lie on average 474 times a year about food. About food. Here are some of the things that you'll hear your wives or girlfriends say that it's not true. When they say to you, oh, I had a big lunch because I won't eat much after this. Or when they say, I will only treat myself every once in a while.
It's like Woods and Mikey. Oh, God. When they say that they only had one glass of wine. That's a lie. That's a big lie. Bald face. Yeah. It's never one glass. No. No. Just like I don't have just one beer. Yeah. I won't eat again today after this. It's a lie. Some of these I believe. My wife tells me those and I actually believe. Am I a sweet kid? Am I being naive? Yes. When she tells me these? Yes. I never eat fast food. It's a lie. Yeah, they do. I miss fast food. This is lies women tell. Yeah. Oh, I had a healthy salad. It's a lie. No, you didn't. No, you had ranch and cheese and bacon. Yeah, for sure. Groutons. That's what'll kill guys. Like when you go on a date and a girl orders just a salad. Right. Come on. Come on. What if it's a salad with a lot of stuff in it?
Some salads are more fattening anyway. That's true. Some salads are worse for you than a freaking ice cream sundae. Guys should never be ordering salads on a first date. Oh. Can you order it before your meal? That's okay to get it. Okay. But not just a salad. Guys shouldn't order a salad as a meal. Even if you're full, you better eat. Yeah. I don't care if you're married 40 years to a woman, you shouldn't have a salad as a... I've done that. Oh, I do that all the time. I've done that before. Once a week, we'll have you have a salad. I'll get a craving for a Cobb salad. Yeah. Really? You could just get a hankering for a cob? Yeah. For a cob. I love the cob salad. The cob. Love a cob salad. The eggs, the cheese. Let's see. M1 Buzz is on the line from Claremont. Hi, Buzz. Hey, guys. How you doing? Good. Good. I was just calling to let you guys know, you guys are doing fine. You always cheer me up every single day. No, they're not. Easy, Garrett. It's our program director. Yeah. It's one of the things that just, you guys are constantly making me happy and making me laugh. It's one of those things that's just a concept. Awesome. Good. Thank you. Thanks, Buzz. We appreciate you. So, let's see. If there was only one condiment left in the world, what do you think it should be? If there could only be one in the world, what should it be?
570-1949. We'll talk to you about what that is and we'll tell you what ours is next. Take a now. Text them at 949mikey at gmail.com or call Mikey now. 570-1949. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. Buddy, down here in the cup holder. Yeah, it's us. Your spare change. Now look, this might seem strange, but frankly we've had it with just being tossed in here and forgotten about. We want you to drive to Mickey D's right now and use us on something delicious. Like one of those two for $3.50 deals they got going on. Head over to McDonald's for one of two awesome deals. Enjoy two classic Big Mac sandwiches for only $3.50. Or at breakfast, get two sausage McMuffin with egg sandwiches for only $3.50. That's double the delicious for, like, small change. Yeah, because if you don't, we're going to make a whole lot of noise. Right, boys?
Most restaurants open late. Many open 24 hours. Limited time offer. Price of single item posted on menu board. Prices and participation may vary. Now at McDonald's, 32-ounce large soft drinks are only 69 cents. Quench your thirst with a 32-ounce large Coca-Cola or choose from a variety of icy cold soft drinks for just 69 cents. Only at McDonald's for a limited time. Geico talks about the job. At Geico, we've been serving the military for 75 years. So we know the military never sleeps. That's why GEICO's also on the job 24-7. Whether you are active duty, guard, reserve, retired, or a veteran, we're there when duty calls, just like you are. See how much GEICO's military discounts on car insurance could save you. Go to GEICO.com, call 1-800-MILITARY, or contact your local GEICO agent today. GEICO talks about being there. At GEICO, we've been serving the military for 75 years. So we know that when it comes to service, there's nothing like boots on the ground. That's why GEICO's agents are stationed near most U.S. bases. So you can talk to an expert who knows the lay of the land. See how much GEICO's military discounts on car insurance could save you. Talk to your local GEICO agent today. Or call 1-800-MILITARY. This is Toyota Today. Smart. Safe. Worry-free.
We make San Diego go from our beaches to our mountains, to the desert and everywhere in between. We have the wheels from the all new Camry and brand new Prius V to the toughest trucks on the road. There's a Toyota for everyone. Legendary quality, unsurpassed reliability, surging inventories of every model. We offer the best shopping experience. Best dealership experience. And the best ownership experience. Special leases and low APRs make right now a great time to see your San Diego County Toyota dealer. Toyota today. Get yours and go. 2012 is officially here. Happy New Year, everyone. I'm sure you got some resolutions. Woods, any resolutions for you? Oh, yeah, I have several resolutions, but probably the only one I'll be able to stick to is using ovation cell therapy the entire year.
I think you can actually stick to that. I think so too. And I've been using Ovation for over a year now. Everybody always tells me how great my hair looks. So I decided to give the gift of Ovation this holiday season. I got my cousin on it. I got my aunt on it. They started already with the gift of beautiful hair. Absolutely. And I started using Ovation because my wife Jamie was using it. She looks phenomenal. My friend Lauren O'Brien was using it. Her hair looks phenomenal. It's only the right thing to do. Did you slip any men's max packs into anyone's stockings this year? Absolutely. Oh, good for you. Give Ovation a try for yourself. It's 100% guaranteed. It's safe. It's non-toxic. Log on to OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout to get a special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com and enter FM949. If you've got less than perfect credit, it's almost impossible to be approved for a new computer, right? Wrong. Because if you're 21 or older and have an income, you're absolutely 100% guaranteed to be approved for a brand new name brand laptop computer. No matter what your credit's like, there are no turndowns. That's right. Bad credit or no credit at all, you will not, cannot be turned down. We won't even check your credit. Guaranteed. So call now. 1-800-400-0686. If you're one of the first 50 callers, we'll also include a free all-in-one printer, free digital HD camcorder, and a free 30...
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This report brought to you by Pro Nutrients, a new line of three select supplements from the makers of Centrum. help make nutrition possible. Well, we've got a accident here on the 163 southbound before Genesee Avenue. There's a stalled bus on the 5 northbound at the 163 north and a pedestrian walking around on the 805 southbound before Imperial Avenue. A little bit of a delay as you travel through El Cajon on the 54 northbound, the 8 connector. Speed's picking up, though. It's about 27 miles an hour. This report also brought to you by the 99 Cents Only Stores. 99 Cents Only Stores helps you stay organized. This year with 2012 wall calendars, many beautiful designs to choose from. They're worth 10 bucks elsewhere. Only 99.99 cents. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9.
I'm not good at pretending to be Guy-ish. Woods. But I'm super gullible. Lauren. I have a crazy suggestion. Maybe you like somebody for their insight. I'm going to open my beer right as we start. I hope I like the warm-up act on FM 94.9. Off the air, we were talking about condiments. I hate you. God. And don't you dare say, Woods, that you didn't say yes. It's not what I said. Yes, it is. We're talking about condiments. And Woods goes, Mike. And he was completely serious. He goes, Mike, when you were in Texas, did you ever have like the real ranch dressing? And I was curious because I'm a foodie. So I was like, huh. Whatever was coming next, I knew was going to be good. Because I instantly knew. I instantly knew.
No. I haven't had the real thing. I know. Because all I'm used to is the store-bought. Pray tell. And so I go, no, what is it? You're a clown. And he goes, it's like the packets of Hidden Valley Ranch. That's not what I meant. And I said... You can get those here, Woods. I know you can. You can have those in New Jersey. I think they're everywhere. Well, yeah, they're in Guam. Yes, they're in Guam. Look, I know that. What I meant was, did you ever take the time to not just get Hidden Valley out of the bottle, but to get the packet and use the real buttermilk? That's what I mean. Yes. Have you ever done that? Yeah. Okay, then shut up. You could bathe yourself in it. They would show commercials on specifically how to do it. Well, yeah. Pour the packet in. You pour it in the bowl. Yeah, and a little buttermilk in there. Then you put it back in the fridge. It's so good. Do they have buttermilk in California? Oh, my God. Yeah, in Texas, we had this stuff. It's called buttermilk. We had it in New Jersey. I remember that. In New Jersey? I think that's where it's from. I hate all of you. They had buttermilk and the packets, believe it or not. I wonder if they have buttermilk in, like, Chicago.
No. Probably not. Mike, have you ever had the real thing? I'm talking the packet. I'm like, no. You know what? I'm going to call Rebecca and be like, babe, we have to plan a trip to Austin. Hold on. What's the recipe? I don't want to write it down. Yes. I want to write this. Is there a particular order? Yeah. Because you know what? It's not often that you get real down south cooking. Do I need to like whisk it? Can I use any spoon? Does that have to be like a wooden spoon? Fork or whisk. Fork or whisk. Fork all you guys. Oh, this is brilliant. This is the greatest. Travis, are you there? I am. Go ahead. Yeah, so FYI, guys, Hidden Valley Ranch is just right past Ramona. It's actually in California. Hidden Valley Ranch is actually in California. It actually exists?
Let me tell you, it's not often that you get woods, but when you get him... It sucks when they're right. Oh my gosh, when he said it and I was like... You jumped on me. I lit up. I lit up. Weird that you feel better, too. Oh, I feel so much better now. You needed a morsel of something. I did. Yeah. You got it. That feels real good. You got it. All right. Back to the topic. Babe, we got to plan a trip to Austin because Woods told me about this indigenous food. Yeah. It's called Hidden Valley. It's called Hidden Valley. It's not Hidden Valley. It's called Hidden Valley Ranch in Packets. Not hidden anymore. Yeah. Your secret's out there. Your secret's out there. Any particular brand of buttermilk? Mike, I've got to have my mom prepare it for you, though. Because in Texas, everybody's got their own Hidden Valley Ranch packet recipe.
That's not what I meant. Some people put the buttermilk in the bowl first. Some people don't use the whole packet. You've been to Texas, right? Yeah. Some people only use half the packet. Because they're like, oh, it's just too tangy. Too spicy. Oh, I just got lightheaded. I just got lightheaded. I wonder if anyone uses regular milk. Oh, man. Instead of just buttermilk. Getting crazy. That'd be weird. That's what grandma uses buttermilk. Mom uses milk. It's like the fat-free milk. Oh, yes. M1 Kevin from San Diego. Yeah, I just wanted to say the best condiment, if there was only one in the world, it'd have to be that sriracha sauce. Yes, agreed. That is delicious. That's what I said over the break. With the green top and the clear bottle. Vietnamese with the rooster on it. Oh, that sounds good. Oh, that's delicious. It would be so bland if there was no condiment, and if I want one. I want one that's probably got some spice to it. So I can put a little or I can put a lot. Yeah. I'm there with you. That stuff's tasty. I am there with you. You can eat that on almost anything. Skir fry. It's real good. Oh, it's so good. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Eggs. Hot dogs. Everything. Yep. Very good. I need a key chain where I can just have a little bottle of it. Yeah. I agree. It's awesome. Thank you very much. I have my addiction covered, you know? Yep. Covered. I wonder if some people have their own particular sriracha, like,
Like some people do it different than others. Some people put it in the... I get the big bottle. Keep it in the bottle. Oh, see, my mom, different. She got the little bottle. He's being funny. I get the big one and then I pour it into something. Oh, okay. And then you got to... That's the way that we do it out. In New Jersey. In New Jersey, yeah. You pour it into something first and then spread it on as you need it. Woods, how did they use sriracha sauce in Texas? I don't know. Do they have it there? Yes, they do. They do? Yeah. Yes, they do. At Chinese restaurants. Ah. I got to tell my brothers in town from Tucson. Oh, my God. And he loves down-home southern cooking. Yeah. I'll have to tell him about Woods' ranch recipe. I'm going to go back just for a ranch cook-off. They're going to have this whole ranch festival. Is that right, Sinbad? Are you? Yeah, it's going to be big. You don't say. Only in Texas, though.
Ranch is more prevalent in the South. That's what I said. It is. We eat it on everything in the South. Pizza. That was one day when I went to school in Virginia. They put the ranch on the pizza. They give you ranch here at the pizza places. If you ask for it. Gross. Wow. I got to go to this Texas. It sounds like they do some really crazy stuff out there. Can you spell Hidden Valley for me? Just so I know. I don't want to forget. And one Ashley from Iowa. Yes, I'm from Iowa. How are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm good. Do you guys have Hidden Valley in Iowa? It hasn't made it there. We have the packets, but we actually have to smuggle our buttermilk in from Wisconsin. See? Are you sure it's not from Amarillo? It might be. Because that's the good stuff. We kind of meet somebody in the backwoods and just kind of shove it in the car. See, I told you. They have a moonshot. It's like a moon. They have stills. Yes. Stills of it. Yeah. You got to be really careful not to get caught with it. Yep. It's fantastic. It's fantastic. I got to go to Texas. Yeah. That's it. Crazy there. CreateYourDesignOnline.com is our friend Jared's website, and he does all kinds of graphic design. And so if you want.
Business cards, a website, a Hidden Valley Ranch recipe, anything you need. I hope, Woods, will you put on your blog tonight? Your recipe? Yeah, the site that Jared designed, mikeyshow.com. Put on Woods' blog. My recipe for Hidden Valley Ranch. First, go to the store. Next, here's the ingredients that you need. Your car. Yep. A Stater Brothers. Your wallet. Your wallet. A packet of Hidden Valley Ranch. Fingers with which to open the packet. Apply fingers to side a packet. Tear in a downward motion. Don't just put the packet in. You've got to open the packet. Just put it in there and expect it to dissolve. You know what? It doesn't dissolve. I've tried. This is what I'm going to say for our Super Bowl. What's a Super Bowl? What's a Super Bowl? For our Super Bowl. For our Super Bowl party. I'm going to go, Woods, you have to make your famous.
You have to make your famous Hidden Valley ranch. Can you make those carrots? Yes. Can you make those? Can you make your celery too? Make your celery. Make your broccoli spirits. And your cherry tomatoes. Can you make them and bring them to the party? I'm not coming. Everybody wants Woods' famous. Everybody relax. Woods brought his rant. His famous homemade recipe. It's like M1 Sanjaya does those jalapeno poppers. Oh, they're so good. And Woods does his famous. It's a good combo. Hey, you put those two together, you'd be in good shape. That's true. All right, we got to go. All right. Turns out we do. Well, great show today. Great show, everyone. Oh, yeah. Great one today. One for the books. One for the ages.