The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 01/10/11
Monday, January 10, 2011
Trilolo viral songArizona shooting and Gabrielle GiffordsWoods adoption trip and baby namingBig Bear ski package giveawayMikey speeding ticket and bathroom accidentNFL playoff highlightsJapanese urinal pressure sensor gamesConcussion helmet technologyFuture car technologyVelcro shoesChessWho Do You Love game
Host Mikey kicked off the show with his obsession over the Russian viral song Trilolo, then turned to the tragic Arizona shooting that wounded Rep. Gabrielle Giffords. The crew also teased Woods’ upcoming adoption trip, discussed a Big Bear ski‑package giveaway, and Mikey confessed to a humiliating speeding ticket and an accidental pants‑pooping incident. Later, Woods recounted meeting the birth mother and naming the baby Connor Patrick Woods, gave an NFL playoff recap, and the team debated Japanese urinal games and concussion‑helmet limitations.
What happened, in order
Trilolo Obsession
Mikey opens the show raving about a 1976 Russian singer’s goofy song Trilolo that he can’t get out of his head.
Shooting News & Adoption Tease
Sienna reports the Arizona shooting of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords while Mikey hints at Woods’ upcoming weekend to meet the birth mother of their adoptive baby.
Big Bear Ski Giveaway
The crew describes a $200 Big Bear weekend package offering lift tickets and hotel for four, prompting discussion of camping for the deal.
911 Call Audio
They play the frantic 911 call from the Safeway shooting, detailing the gunman’s actions and the heroism of bystanders.
Mikey’s Speeding Ticket Tale
Mikey recounts being pulled over for doing 80 mph, his humiliation, and the subsequent pants‑pooping incident that Woods later reveals.
Woods Meets Birth Mother
Woods shares the emotional story of meeting Chelsea, the birth mother, and reveals the baby will be named Connor Patrick Woods.
NFL Playoff Recap
Woods on Sports highlights the Seahawks’ upset over the Saints, the Jets’ last‑second win, and Ravens’ dominant defense.
Japanese Urinal Games
Sienna explains Tokyo’s pressure‑sensor urinals that let users play mini‑games like Mannequin Pies and Graffiti Eraser while they pee.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsyLauren O'BrienSiennaJayWillJaredTiffLoriKellyNubian PrinceMean GeneClarence DupnikGabriel Giffords
32,164 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Any M1s freak out and go, oh my gosh, everything's different. Everything's changed. I'm just doing it today. And the only reason I'm doing it is because L.O.B. put this on my Facebook page and I'm pretty much obsessed with it now. Yeah, that makes two of us. It's from 1976. It's a Russian guy singing a song called Chiralolo. And I'm obsessed with him. The song, and I cannot get it out of my head. He's a sight to see. He's a sight. All you have to do is go to YouTube or whatever and look up Trilolo. There's like a hundred parodies now, too. Yep. Excuse. If this doesn't make you happy, I don't want to know yet. Seriously. I mean, how does this not...
Bring joy to your life. My favorite part. The guy has the biggest S-eating grin. Yeah. Yep. Yes, he does. Welcome to the program. My name's Mikey. I'm 40 years of age, and yes, I enjoy abstract humor. I'm 40 years old. 4-0. Woodsy is our... Woodsy is our sports guy. He is 35 years of age and is from Dallas. Let's see. To my right is Lauren O'Brien. She's a comedian. How did Saturday night's gig go? Friday night. It went pretty good. Friday night. Yeah. I put some new jokes in there. You did? Mm-hmm. That's cool. Yeah. I was going to go.
You were? My wife and I went out to dinner because we were going to go out with Jared from createyourdesignonline.com, him and his wife Tiff. And Tiff got sick, so we couldn't go. So we had the babysitter all lined up and everything, so we were like, let's not waste it, let's go. So we went out to dinner, and I've realized that I do not like to go out to dinner. At all. That's just who I am now. I agree. I don't like it. I want to go immediately. I want to give the credit card to the person as soon as we sit down. Yes. And I felt I didn't feel well, you know, and I just didn't feel well. I said, you know, I want to go. And then the next night we went out to dinner with a couple of friends with Lori and Kelly. We go out with them all the time. And I just wish that we could all. be in my bed with the same food, but I'm in bed? Naked. Nude. Wow, me too. It would be like the 70s. Yeah, you know. I wish that there was a restaurant that was called Queen Bed or something, you know, and you could just go there and get in bed in jammies and just have dinner. But if it weren't your bed, you'd probably be grossed out. It wouldn't be the same. There's one in New York. There is? It's like a club called Bed. Yeah, there's a club called Bed. Oh, wow. It was on Sex and the City. That's how I know about it. Do you eat in bed?
Everything's in bed. They have a whole bunch of beds everywhere. They have to be in my house. I don't know. Dude, I'm right there with you. My wife gets so mad at me. She's like, let's get some Mexican food. I'm like, okay. Where are we going to order in from? I love going out to eat. I hate it. I used to really like it. I don't like going to bars, but I love going out to eat. I wish I still did. I'm starting to get over it, too. Oh, my God. Now that you're talking about it, I'm like, God, you're right. I wish that I could just stay in my house all the time. I never want to leave my house. I never want to. I get so tired now. I'm so tired all the time. Sienna's our news girl. She's 25. Let's see. Jay is our producer. He's 47. Hola. And today is our phone screener, Will's birthday. Happy birthday. 24 today. Never been kissed. There it is. Lots of stuff happening in the world. You can call us 5701949. Biggest story in the world is the shooting. We're going to talk about that. Also, we're going to be talking about Woods Weekend at 730 because he said the biggest day of his life was on Saturday, meeting the birth mother to their baby that they're going to adopt.
Hear all about it. We purposefully have not heard. I am dying. I know. I was texting him all weekend, like, trying to get little kids. I was like, leave me alone. Great shot. Oh, ow. Right to the baby maker. Because I'm not good at keeping secrets. You're not. And when people keep asking me what's going on, I'm like, it's fine. Just call. Listen Monday. I just kept sending statements instead of questions. You did? Like, what would you say? Hope it's going well. Yes. That's cool. Yeah. Word of the day is sneeze when I say that between now and 10. Dinner for two at the Shores in La Jolla. Restaurant Week 2011 is going on now to the 29th. Oh, well, maybe we'll go out to dinner. Too bad we don't go out to dinner. I did go out to dinner. I went on Friday night and went over there. I think Jay and LLB will hit some dinners during Restaurant Week real good. Yes, they will. Plus, you get a $50 gift certificate to the 2011 Ski and Snowboard Mega Sale. Nice. At the Del Mar Fairgrounds. And you go into a drawing for a $250 gift card for the ski and snowboard mega sale. So you get the $50 certificate today for winning the word of the day, but you're in a drawing for a $250. So potentially somebody's going to want $300 by Friday. That's awesome. Why are people camping outside? Freaked me out this morning. I was like, uh-huh. There are people.
here at 1615 Murray Canyon Road on the sidewalk in sleeping bags. Somebody's got a tent. Not just people. I saw a dog, too. I know. The dog barked to me. Me, too. What's going on? It's the fourth annual Big Bear weekend. Not a giveaway. They're buying their way in. So what is it that makes them camp? You get lift tickets and two days of hotel accommodations. And so it's all for $200, which would normally be like $1,000. Oh, my. That's pretty good. Do they have a certain number? Are we saying on the air how many we have? There's 10 packages each for four people, and they've been enough people in line now for almost a day. They got here Saturday night at 2 a.m. More than a day. So it's only 10 people that are going to be able to do this. Is that the deal? 10 people and three of their guests. 10 buyers. So 40 total people. Yeah. Wow. It's a little creepy this morning. Yeah. All the parking's gone, too. Wait a minute. I was like, where do I park? I know, me too. You got this. There are 10 packages. 10 packages. For four people apiece. Right. Yes. And so... 50 bucks a person. Basically. Yeah, you would think that there would only be 10 people out there. There probably is. Buying for their buddies. Probably 10. There's around probably 10 people down there. But there's probably somebody staying there in case somebody leaves. I think there's 12 people down there now. Like, if we were going to go?
Me, you, and two friends, I'd be like, don't make me go down there and camp up by myself. Come down there with me. Camp out together. Or draw. Or draw. Draw straws. Nobody's done since 1986. You're not alone. That's probably why the dog's there. You're coming with me. I think it's a really cool deal, and I want to go on it, but I don't see myself camping. It's cold out. I wouldn't camp out for anything, I don't think. I had all my friends calling me going, hey, hook me up. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to hook you up. And then somebody in the line in the morning is going to slit my throat. Yeah. Playing your blood. And it's to Big Bear? It's to Big Bear. People must really, really, really enjoy skiing. I'm going. I do. It's an insane package. It's expensive skiing. It's expensive. Lyft tickets. Hotels, a beating. The package that we're giving away, well, that we're offering at a discount rate is insane. Yeah. I get that. But the thing that I think is really sort of getting me is just camping out. Camping out on the hard concrete. It's not even like you have a place. I did that for Van Halen tickets. The only time I've ever camped was for Van Halen tickets. I've never done it. I would never camp for anything. You didn't camp for the iPhone, Mike? No. Did you have somebody camp for you? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. When I did the Van Halen thing, I got second row. It was worth it. Absolutely it's worth it. It was worth it. I have never camped for anything.
Always kind of wanted to, but I'm a little old now. Yeah. I just camped in front of it. Yeah, I wouldn't camp unless I had a gun to my head. I'm past that age. Oh, me too. We are past that age. Yeah. I am. You are too? Mm-hmm. L.O.B.? L.O.B.'s 30. She's past the camping stage. There's no more camping. Let's see. M1 Nubian Prince. L.O.B. From Sarah Mesa. What's up, Nubian Prince? How are you guys? I can talk a little bit this time. I'm not rushing on the freeway this time. So good morning. Good morning. Hey, so I'm excited to hear about Woods' weekend. Thank you. Let me tell you, this has probably been the three weeks of my life that have been most difficult in my life. And then last night was kind of difficult, but then to wake up this morning to hear some Russian cat singing tra-la-la-la-la, I needed that this morning, so thank you. Hey, can you tell us, Nubian Prince, what's going on in your life? Have you got so worked up? My dad, I'm finding out some things about my dad that probably he needs to be in jail right now. Oh, wow. Yeah, and it's, I mean, seriously, it was bad at first, and it's gotten, like, a million times worse over the last, like, three days. It's bad. I'm sorry. I'll pray for you and your dad, and I hope it gets better. Seriously, I was actually going to ask you guys if you guys could pray, because I need some things to happen today. I need the restraining order to stay today, and hopefully the judge will actually see him. Heavy.
Okay, dude. That's heavy stuff. We love you, Nubian Prince. Hey, love you guys, too. Good morning. Thank you. Good luck with everything, dude. M1 Mean Gene calling in from the state of Georgia. How are you, Mean Gene? I am doing fantastic because I'm the only guy on the road right now. I know you guys are probably thinking about vacation in Georgia. Maybe you pass on that, being how it's a 120% chance of booger out here on the street. Yeah, dude, it's in the news today that the Southeast is having snow and ice. Wow. It looks like a urine slushie out here right now. Gross. Delicious. It is terrible, but it looks like Armageddon around here. No one is on the freeway. Wow. That's not very common for it to snow in the Southeast, right? Yeah, I think the last time it snowed, Truman was president. Oh, wow. Well, you know, dude, I'm from Texas and I remember when it would snow, people would literally be like, we got to go get bottled water and canned goods. I'm not kidding. They would raid, they'd walk and raid the grocery store for bottled, I'm like, it's going to snow for one day and just take the day off work, you'll be fine. It is insane. Dude, every trailer park in town was at Walmart yesterday.
No, a packet of Kool-Aid left at Walmart. Packet of Kool-Aid. My. Well, thank you, dude. We appreciate you calling in, Mangie. We love you, baby. Be safe. All right, see ya. Love him. Oh, I'm sorry. I was just going to say I might have done donuts in the parking lot of the hotel in Denver after the snowfall. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. As fast as I could in the rental car. Really? I might have done figure eights and tried to skid and slide. My wife was none too pleased. Did you ever do that when hold on to the bumper? No. When your kid let your feet slide behind the car? No. It was the best. I've seen that. Sounds terrifying. That wouldn't have been fun for me. It was a blast. 570-1949 is the number. And I just found out about it Saturday. There was a huge, huge news item that has taken over the news. In fact, it's pretty much the only thing you're seeing in the news today. And it's the shooting in Arizona.
I have five different articles in front of me saying different things, but basically the same thing. So I'm going to try and sum it up if you haven't heard or if you have heard and want more information. There was a huge shooting in Arizona in Tucson outside of a Safeway grocery store on Saturday morning around 10 a.m. And that's where Representative Gabriel Giffords was. She's a congresswoman and she was there basically for a meet and greet outside the grocery store when a 22-year-old gunman, his name is Jared Lee Loughner. Open fire. Shot her point blank in the head. Now, this is just insane. I mean, had the gun up to her head, shot her through the temple. The bullet went through her brain and out her skull came out her forehead. She has survived and is in the hospital, which is a miracle. I mean, they say, I mean, people can survive these types of. of hits but usually by the time they get to the hospital they're already dead she was alive she was in surgery all day yesterday yesterday afternoon they said that she was able to communicate which is you know amazing amazing and the doctors are saying you know progress is really good all signs point to the fact that she will be okay did they say
what kind of gun he shot her with? It was a 9mm. Oh my gosh. I was thinking .22. Me too. No question it's a .22. There was no question in my mind she was thinking it was a .22 pistol. Yeah. A 9mm. You could take a .22 and be okay. 9mm? You're dead. You're dead. Right. Holy cow. Now, more people... Did die as well. The six other people killed, 14 people injured. Those that were killed that were attacked included a 63-year-old U.S. district judge, John M. Roll. He stopped by the event to say hi to Giffords. They were friends. A 31-year-old was there. She's an aide to the congresswoman. Or he was an aide to the congresswoman. And a 9-year-old little girl, Christina Taylor Green, who was actually the granddaughter of a former Philadelphia Phillies manager, Dallas Green. She was there because she had interests in politics. and wanted to talk to the congresswoman, and she was shot. That just breaks your head. She had just been elected to her school's student council and wanted to go meet. Ironically, the little girl was born on 9-11-2001, too, and was featured in a book called Faces of Hope that chronicled one baby from each state that was born the day of the terrorist attack. Wow. I have chills talking about it. From the other three dead, there were two women and a man that were in their 70s and 14 other people wounded.
Did he kill himself? No. They got him. They got him. More people could have been killed easily because he had more ammunition, was going to reload. While he was reloading, two people tackled him, and a woman that was there grabbed the magazine, is what it's called. And she's being called a hero. The two people that tackled the gunman are being called a hero. Also, her intern, this guy, is being called a hero because after she was shot, he... lied there with her head in his lap and had his hands pressing against the wound trying to hold blood in. You know, 911 was there. The 911 call has been released. Yeah, we have it. She was rushed right to the hospital. I mean, just a really tragic thing. Well, this is one of the 911 calls that we're about to hear. Hello. Oh, 911, there was a shooting at Safeway. Okay, what do you mean? I know an Oracle where Gabrielle Goodberg was. I picture the place in my mind exactly I9 Oracle because I used to live in Tucson. And it's about five minutes from where I lived. Used to be my territory.
It's crazy. I know right where that is. Where did he run? He ran north past the Walgreens. It's right next to the... Okay. Can you describe him? What? Can you describe him, sir? What was he wearing? He was wearing a hoodie. What color was the hoodie? It was black. Okay. What color were his pants? It looked like he was wearing blue jeans and he was wearing a black sweater. Okay. Is anybody injured? Did you say Gabrielle Gifford was hit? She's hit. Okay. She's breathing. She was breathing. She still had the pulse. And we got two people. And we got one dead. Okay. And they're injured. Okay. And there's other people that are injured? There's multiple people shot. Okay. Oh, my God.
Oh, what a nightmare. When you hear the 911 operator say, oh, my God, that's not a good sign. So as you can imagine, the FBI, the police, Jared, the shooter, Jared Loeffner, is in possession of the FBI right now. He's going to face five different counts of federal charges. I mean, just really, really, really awful. They searched his home. He lives with his parents or lived with his parents. And they actually found an envelope with messages on it that. That said, I planned ahead. It also said my assassination. And it said the name of Giffords next to what appears to be his signature. And another thing that they found was in 2007, he attended one of her events, another meet and greet type deal. And there was a thank you note from Gabrielle Giffords thanking him for being at the event. So he's very involved in what she's involved, you know, is what she stands for and goes. I don't know what happened at the 2007 event for him to receive a thank you note personally from her for being there. And now this happens. I don't know. But doctors did have to remove part of her skull yesterday during the surgery. I mean, this was all that was on the news for the last two days. And it's just amazing that she's alive and able to respond to doctor's commands and stuff like that. I mean, it's just Pima County Sheriff Clarence Dupnik.
that all Americans are saddened and as shocked as we are. And I hope that some of them, or most of them, are as angry as I am and as a lot of us are. And I think it's time as a country that we need to do a little soul searching because I think the vitriolic rhetoric that we hear day in and day out from people in the radio business and some people in the TV business and what we see on TV and how our ministers are being raised, that this has not become the nice United States of America that most of us grew up in. Hey, bro. Hey, Sheriff. I agree with you. I agree with you. Vitriol, whether it's on the radio or in the TV, I agree 100%. But what I don't agree with is, placing blame for this guy's actions on stuff that he hears on the radio. He did it because he's crazy. He did it because he's crazy. A couple more things. People here in San Diego may...
This may affect them more because she actually get Gabrielle Giffords lived in San Diego in the 90s. She was here for a while. So people may know her here. Also yesterday, President Obama ordered all flags at U.S. public buildings and military facilities to be flown half staff and has called for a national moment of silence today at 11 o'clock Eastern time. So at eight o'clock today, there'll be a moment of silence for this awful tragedy. One of. The shooter's former teachers is speaking out saying that the suspect, Jared, is mentally disturbed. Apparently he dropped out of high school. He tried to enlist in the Army in 2008, and the service rejected him. He just needs physical help. People that know him have said they're not surprised by this. Yeah, and you know what's crazy and have a lot of people really concerned is that he was holding a 9mm pistol where he shot all these people. He had it legally. He went into a Walmart in I think a Walmart, no, a gun store in November and was able to pass the FBI screening, even though he had a criminal record, some stuff that he'd done before. I'm not sure what. But but he was able to get the gun legally. And that, you know, raises a lot of concerns in a lot of people's minds. Oh, yeah. That's I saw it all over Facebook. I saw people blaming.
I saw people blaming Sarah Palin. I saw people blaming guns. I saw people blaming politics. I read all this stuff. I was sitting around in the airport and was just like, holy cow. Maybe blame the guy that did it. Maybe blame Jared Loeffner. Maybe you should have to sit down with a psychiatrist to be evaluated before you get a gun. Yeah, that's something. This always happens. So this woman, Patricia Meisch, is... Talking to the media about the shooting. And there's somebody standing next to her with an obnoxious ringtone. No. Maybe turn. Vibrate. Maybe, yeah. Maybe put it on vibrate. That wasn't, that wasn't going to help. So I just asked the other man to sit on his ankles. And I went to get a. Maybe turn that off. And I stayed there until... Let me ask you a question. I got it. It's me. Let me ask you a question. Scale of 1 to 10. If you're the ringtone guy, how embarrassed are you? Scale of 1 to 10. 60. I hope 10. 425. I hope so. 425. Can't get it out quick enough. You decided to put it in your cargo shorts and zip it shut.
Check a 22 pocket. That's why cargo shorts should be banned. It's like this very serious conversation. Then the waltz pops up. Is that what that is? I don't know. Probably. I asked the other man to sit on his ankles. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Come on. Sorry about that. Sorry. I got it. It's for me. Sorry. The death glare. She probably shot at him. Oh, my gosh. Everybody. Everyone. It's so. Oh. How about. And you're like. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Yeah, the Pat. My wife's phone. My wife's phone. My wife's phone. What if he answered? I'm in a news conference right now. Oh, I'm not busy. Oh my gosh. What's the score? And I want to get a... the compress for him. What's up? Can you turn that off, please? Would you mind turning that off, please? Yellow. Oh, my God. Yellow. When we come back, we've got to talk playoffs. Playoffs? And something happened to me Friday leaving work. Who asked if we could talk about it? I did. I don't know about it. Of course, Woods did.
Well, I was a witness. Oh. You were too. No, L.A.B.? You were not? No. I had a premonition. Okay. I have no idea. I'm ashamed of myself. I was surprised not to see it on Facebook. I'll tell you next. You know, I can't really describe what we just saw. It was in our bathroom. Yep. And all I'm going to tell you is. I'm 40 years old. That's the worst I've ever seen. And it makes me think to myself, how did a human, first of all, how did a human being do that? Second of all, how did that human being allow that to stay there? Yes. Third of all, third, there's no doubt in my mind that that human being needs medical attention. And maybe mental evaluation too. Yes. Dude, come on.
There's a medical issue at play. Now you know why I said it was not me. Jay came in before the show started and goes, I just want you to know that what is going on in our restroom has nothing to do with it. And I go, that means it's you. And he goes, I'm telling you. He goes, it's not. It's not. If he was aware of it, then he would have cleaned it up. Oh, yeah. I'm gagging. You're all right. I videotaped Woods going in there. Just the videotape of Woods going in there is great. You guys, it's hurting my stomach. Okay. Yeah. Move on. Let's move on. I was going to order some oatmeal for breakfast. No, I'm not going to. Okay. Not going to. I'm not hungry. Let's tell you what. Why don't we do some news and sports? What's going on in the news, Sienna? Okay, you may have heard about this. Another tragedy. We just talked about the shooting, but... I want no more tragedy. Well, it's... What? What happened? I know. An Iranian passenger jet, this was all over the news yesterday, too, crashed yesterday, last night, and tried to make an emergency landing in a snowstorm, killing at least 77 people of the 104 passengers that were on board. Really, really sad. It's because of the bad weather. And speaking of bad weather, really bad weather going on the southeast... Southeast? Yeah. Mean Gene just called in from Georgia and said there's snow. Snow.
in Texas. I mean, this weather is just nuts this year. Also, this is a really, really bad butt dial. I thought I'd throw in something at least kind of funny. Yeah. And how do you pronounce it? Winnetka? Winnetka. Chicago. A man accidentally, he butt dialed his wife. sat down on his cell phone and called his wife. She heard static and like talking. She thought that her husband had been, someone's holding him hostage. So she called the SWAT team. The SWAT team shows up at his work. He's a school teacher. And so 30 gun-toting officers ran in to the school. It was just a butt dial. That was an overreaction. Maybe she's slightly overreacting. Yes, a little bit. What's going on in sports? Well, obviously we had the NFL playoffs this weekend. We're going to get into those at Woods on Sports later. But first, this was pretty amazing. I found this stat shocking. The Heat beat the Trailblazers last night 107 to 100. Big deal, right? Well, the big three for the Heat scored 96 of those 107 points. So nine of the other points were by other people? 11 of the other points were by the other players on the team. 96 out of 107. That's insane. From these three.
LeBron threw in 44. Dwayne Wade, 34. And Chris Bosh made up the difference. But that's nuts. Oh, yeah. That's dominance. And those guys, I'm telling you what, they're 30-9 right now. They just won their 13th straight on the road. I'm actually kind of interested to see how the playoffs shape up in the NBA. And then I know I'm going to butcher this. Namdi Asimwa. You got it right. Thank you. Plays for the Raiders. arguably the best cornerback in the league, is now a free agent. And he is out there, and he would look real good with a bolt on his helmet. I would love it. They said last year, they only threw at that guy 33 times. He allowed 13 completions for 205 yards and no touchdowns. Oh, wow. That's good. How good is that? That's real good. They don't even throw to his side of the field. That's how good he is. So he is out there. Somebody's going to sign him, and they're going to have a hell of a player when they do. Let's see. So we're going to tell you all about Woods. He was so nervous going to Denver this weekend to visit with the birth mother of the baby that they are going to adopt. And he told us, I'm not telling you guys anything until we get back. So you're going to hear M1's right along with us how it went. We don't know. I'm so excited. So we'll do that. Word of the day, sneeze. Be listening for it to win the ski and snowboard mega sail gift certificate and dinner for two at the shores in La Jolla.
It's coming up. Let's see. We'll talk playoffs in a minute. On Friday, I got a speeding ticket. Mike Esparza. What? For the first time in... Oh, my gosh. I can't remember. I must have been in my early 20s the last time that happened. No way. Because you... Had a long time where you didn't speed at all. Yeah, I said, well, I did what I'm back doing again. Ella B was right. She left me a message and said, well, sounds like it's going to be back to going exactly the speed limit. And it is. And you know what I said to the officer? What? I said, I'm guilty. I did it, sir. Are you shaking? And I'm sorry. Yeah, and he said, I appreciate your honesty. Did you get real nervous? Oh. It's so scary. It's the worst. It was awful. Especially on the freeway, getting pulled over with everyone going by, seeing you. Well, here's the deal. Here's the deal. I had Heath Bell coming over to the house, and in typical me fashion, I forgot, and I'm just here just...
Having a great time at the end of the show on Friday. Well, because Jay took 45 minutes to record a 30-second spot. Yes, exactly. So we were all here. I messed this one up. I'm going to have to start over. Hey, you're out of your mind. Take two. Take two. Hi, this is Jay. Do y'all like to ski? Because I do. Hi, I'm Wood. Wait, wait. I'm not Wood. I'm Jay. Hello, this is Jay from the... Hang on. Start again. Y'all like Big Bar? Big Bar? Big Bar? Dang it. Start again. Laugh it up, Chucko. Literally 45 minutes. Literally. It was a 30-second commercial. You're supposed to be like, hey, it's Jay from the Mikey Show. Well, in addition to that, I was just goofing around. In addition to that, after the show, I was just goofing around. I remember the moment you were standing right there with your little pouch and you said, oh, I gotta go. Yeah. I realized I was late. And as I leave, I get a text from Heath and he says, Are we still on for noon today? And I text him back and say, yeah. And he goes, okay, well, I'm leaving now. And I'm like, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no. So I'm driving pretty fast. And L.O.B. saw me speed demon pastor, right? Yeah. We were coming. You're behind me to get on the ramp for the 163. And all of a sudden I hear. I saw you moving pretty quick. And I saw you zipping in and out of lanes. And I was like, well, I guess, Mike, you threw that whole not speeding thing out the window.
Wood saw it. Saw it. Saw it. Had a few questions for you. Now? Yes, I have some questions for you. That you've saved that you didn't already ask me? Yes. Oh, gosh. So I look up and I see Mike's car and I see him. I see a cop way up. I mean, I drive real fast home, like 85, 90. Yeah, we all do. And I look up and I go, ooh, cop got somebody. I go, oh, he got somebody. And then I see Mike's car move over one lane. And then I see Mike's car move over another lane. I see the cop follow each move. Mikey makes it. I go, that's not Mikey. That's somebody else in the same car. Then I see you exit. And I'm like, why exit? Do you know why I exited? You're scared to pull over on the side of the road? No. You thought it was a fake cop. No. I was humiliated. That's why. I wanted to go someplace where... Private. Yeah, I wanted to go someplace private to get my ticket. I wanted to be somewhere where not a million people would drive by and be like, isn't that Tubby? Did you turn on your little emergency, the little lights, so they knew that you were like, I know you're getting me. No. And he, as I pulled off the exit, he was going, take a right, please. Take a right, please. Pull over immediately after you take a right. Take a right, please.
No way. Let me tell you something. I felt like the geezer bandit. I felt like a criminal. I felt like a monster. I felt awful. All I could do is look at my be different bracelet and go, really? Really? Really? I have a couple questions. Monster! How did he get you? I don't know. Motorcycle car? Didn't ask. No. No, he was in a unmarked. car. It wasn't like a highway patrol. Which, by the way, I didn't know existed. I didn't know that there were cars that were like, they look like cop cars, but they don't say they're not black and whites. There's cars, like my friend got pulled over by a Lexus. It doesn't necessarily have to be a cop issue car. I saw someone in La Jolla get pulled over by a minivan. No way. A minivan. How fast were you going? Yeah, that was my second question. 80. That's not that bad. Oh, to me, I felt like a monster. He did. I texted him. I go, did you just get pulled over? And he wrote back, yes. Did you have to show proof of ownership of the car? Yeah, I did. Well, everybody does. I had to show license and registration. It took five minutes. He was the most courteous cop ever. He came over to the side of the window and he said,
I pulled you over for exceeding 65 miles an hour. And I said, yes, sir, I did do that. And I'm sorry. He said, thank you for your honesty. Did your gut drop? Was your gut like butterflies? Oh, it's the worst. I see a cop and I'm like, if I get pulled over. Was the light on the dashboard of his car? That's how you knew you'd be pulled over? No, he had lights on the top of the car. And you still didn't spot him? No. I didn't either. My eyes are constantly on the move. He looked like a normal car. It looked like a normal car. And I was so thinking, I got to get home. I got to get home. I got to get home. And I texted Woods back. I said, yes. Were you driving when you texted? No. No. I was already pulled over. Pulled over. Yeah. And I was waiting. He was back in the car and he was looking up my license and he was looking up everything. And I said, I told Woods, I said, Heath Bell's coming over to the house. And Woods texted back. Would it be weird to ask you to sign something from him for me? And I texted back, yes. Now is not the time, Woods. Yeah, I was a little surprised at that. And Woods texted back, oh, wow.
Like, oh, look at you. It wasn't the time, Woods. I thought it wasn't the time, but Woods thought I was sort of... It's a speeding ticket. It's not like he got arrested for... Woods thought I... He was like, oh, wow, well, gee, sorry to... You responded, oh, wow. Yes. What? What? How am I the monster? I'm sitting there. Not for rape or anything. He's got a speeding ticket. I get 15 a year. But this is Mikey we're talking about. He was terrified. Maybe give me a moment. You still would have had the same reaction if... It had been late. Yeah. I think it was the combination of being pulled over and like being, you know, you know. Yeah. Plus, you know, I don't want to be like fan guy. Well, it's not weird to ask him to put on a black rubber bracelet and cover up one eye and take a bunch of pictures. No, because that's for a really good cause. Sign baseball is for a really good cause. My office. You're not going to win this one. That's a great cause. I have a collection. What? It goes for my collection. Well, maybe email him yourself. Maybe I will. Maybe get Mike Sweeney's first. Oh, boy. Oh. I'll just say, so I had the, we did the promo, and I turned the sound off on my phone, so I had my phone in my bag, and I stopped at BFMC's house, my boyfriend Matt Conner's house. I noticed that. You drove right in front of me into La Jolla. I was like, oh. I was next to you. I was trying to get your attention. I was taking your attention later. I was trying to get, and I was cracking up, and I was like, wow, I look like a creep. I didn't notice until we got into La Jolla that you went by me. So.
I got a missed call, first from Woods, then from Mikey with a voicemail. I didn't know which one of them left the voicemail, and I was like, oh no, what happened? I was like, Mikey just got pulled over. Mikey just got pulled over. Do you still have the voicemail? No, I think I deleted it. I'll check. I'll check during the break, but yeah. Wait, it'd be different. He writes me, you know who doesn't get a speeding ticket? I go, well, dude, you're fine. That was the first thing I said in your voicemail. And I mean it. I have nothing to complain about. I would never in a million years be like, that cop, that blah, blah, blah. I was breaking the law. Oh, he got you. I deserved it. Yep. I deserved every single bit of it. I listened to Mike's voicemail and then I said, hey, Mike, you know who doesn't? You are so big. I had already said that on her voice. And then I started cracking up. And it made her laugh. Like it's happened to every single one of us. It will not happen to me again. I'm back to setting the cruise control. Oh, he will be. I'm back to beating him back to our neck of the woods by 30 minutes every day. I even, in my head, I go, look at that.
Look at Mike. I guess he just threw that whole thing. This is like 2011, the year of Mike. The year of Mike. He's letting his hair down. I thought maybe you were going back to the nose beating because when we went to lunch last week, he was there like half an hour after us. 15 minutes after us. We left at the same time. We were on the second course. I know. Yeah, we had an appetizer by the time Mike sat down for lunch at Milton's. It's true. Well, that will not be happening to me anymore. Maybe he'll leave before us. Last six time we go to lunch. I was actually kind of proud. I really was. I felt like a proud papa. That just grossed me out. No, I was kind of proud. I like the controlled speed. Go like 70. You don't have to go 80. Woods, that just made my palms start sweating when you said that. I'm proud of you. Oh, that's so gross. I'm proud of you. Jay, you speed more than anyone else. Jay is the fastest driver on this show. Don't ever follow Jay. No. He's the worst. I got places to be. He is the worst person to follow. I will say that. Ever. Oh my gosh, I hate it. Know where you're going. I think he forgets. He does. He's old. Keep up. There's a yellow light. He races. Yeah, races through. Everyone's like. He's just so happy it's not horse and buggy anymore. He's like, I got horse power. Yeah, sure. Real horses. NFL playoffs for this weekend. And we all took our little bets on who was going to win. We did. Some of us are toast. Some of us are already out.
Some of us are already out. Some of us picked a team that's no longer in the playoffs to win the whole thing. Oh, no. You picked the Eagles to win the whole thing? I always put emotion over logic in these things. I really do. Yeah, but you have to pick your team. You hurt your shoulder reaching for those papers? No, dude, I hurt my shoulder over the weekend. I don't know what I did. I take Advil, and I'm like, oh, there's nothing wrong with my shoulder. And the Advil wears off. I'm like, oh. That's the problem. I picked... Okay, so this is Super Bowl. I picked New England and Atlanta. New England to win. Jay picked New England and Chicago with New England to win. Lauren picked the Eagles and the Steelers with the Eagles to win. Woods picked New England and Atlanta with New England to win. So if New England wins, you guys are splitting it three ways. We've got to split it because we picked the same teams to win. be in the Super Bowl and win it. Depending on points, though, we got points. Oh, I didn't know that. Are we going to level them or are they just going to be numbers of picks? It's your show. You need to figure that out. And then Sienna picked the Steelers and the Eagles in the Super Bowl with the Steelers to win. So she's out. I'm not out. Yeah, you are because the Eagles are out. But she's still got a chance with the Steelers win. None of you guys have the Steelers in the final game except for Sienna and I. Oh, that's cool. You picked the Seahawks. So did Jay, which is
Because nobody picked the Seahawks. And the Seahawks won. They beat New Orleans 41-36. They're legit, too. Yeah. Well, they were legit then. I don't think they'll be legit in Chicago. Nor do I. They looked legit on Saturday. But I don't know. We'll see. That one play by Lynch. Marshawn Lynch had one of the greatest runs I've ever seen. It's pretty awesome. Incredible. He owned one of them. He was a stiff arm. Get off me. L.O.B. said something in her recap that I can completely relate to and so can a lot of people. She said, now that the Eagles are out of the playoffs, it means that not only did she lose money, but now football won't matter until August. She hates when that happens. Same with me. It's like no fantasy football for me and no Chargers in the playoffs. I guess it's just football now. No dog in the fight. It's still interesting to me because I love. the NFL this year for some reason I've gotten really into the NFL and I never really was and my wife hates it but I'm just really into it and really excited for next week's games can't wait and Matt my boyfriend is a Steelers fan so I'm like alright I guess that's the new thing now I guess I'll be on to them I am on to the Steelers too cause your husband oh yeah I like the Steelers I like them too but I would rather the Eagles tonight's the national championship in college football man
Auburn, Oregon. It starts at 5.30, so you can catch half hour. It'll be nice. Catch the first quarter. It's true. But it's going to be, I mean, you never know how these things are going to go. I think it's going to be a phenomenal game. I've got Auburn taking it. Cam Newton is really tough to stop. But now they've been off for, I think, 35 days. Should be a little rusty coming out of the gates, a little fired up. The throws should be all coming out a little high, a little hot. But, man, it's going to be a great one. It's going to be a great one. I hope Auburn takes it. The deal with Oregon is that they are fast. And they're the Ducks? Yes. They're the Ducks. Maddie and her boyfriend drove out there just to tailgate. Really? Yeah, he's a huge fan. Oh, that's awesome. That's pretty cool. So they're all the way out there just to tailgate. Bet that'll be fun. Yeah. Arizona is a real nice place to be right now. Yes, it is. It ain't bad. And they're playing at that University of Phoenix Stadium where the Cardinals play. And it's nice, man. It's incredible. So I didn't go to college. I don't have any dog in any fight. I just picked the Aztecs to be my team because I love San Diego. Maybe I take a class there so I can say that I went there. You should. I went there. Well, I was telling everybody off the air.
Jamie and I were sitting at the airport yesterday, and there were these four dudes from Auburn. And they had their Auburn hats on and their khakis and their boots and their North Face jackets on. And I turned around, and I started talking to them. I said, are you guys going to the game? And they said, yeah, we just got off a 10-day ski trip, and now we're going off to the national championship game. I was looking at them going. Drink it in, boys. Yeah. Because it all ends. It all ends. Relish these moments. Wow. So jealous. I heard that when I was young. It meant nothing to me. Exactly. I wish it did. I thought of you. I thought of you, man. I thought of you not getting to experience that stuff. Never did. The road trip and all that, you know, with all your college buddies and going to a big game was just the raddest. See, I went to college and I didn't do any of that stuff. Well, I'll say this to college people that are listening. It doesn't matter whether you do or you don't, like Sienna didn't, but whether you do or you don't, if you're in college and you're in your 20s or you're not, just enjoy the time. This is what I mean by that. There's going to be a time where you're going to be so locked in to diapers, playgroups, formulas, poop, peep.
Peep. School systems. Yes. Homework. Homework for your kids. You're going to be taking an eyedropper that has infant Tylenol in it, and you're going to be shaking it, and you're going to be trying to calculate the difference in weight of the child to how many milliliters you should give them while they're screaming. Alarmingly. Do not want to eat that, no. They don't want anything to do with it. Nothing to do with that. You're going to go to the mailbox when you're 30 years old and you're going to pull out five bills equaling $1,500 at some point and you're going to go, oh my God, oh my God, I've got a $300 cable bill. I think for your bills you have $50 left. So what you're saying is get some. Yes, while you can, get some. Enjoy life. Drink it in. Hey, enjoy. Waking up at 12 p.m. Oh, yeah. I haven't done it since. Drink it up. Sienna, remember when you'd wake up at noon? Oh, I miss it so much. And you didn't even know what you were going to do. You'd check your phone to see what your friends said they're doing. That's why I'm sick of people saying, oh, look, I just want to sleep like a baby, sleep like a baby. No, it's sleep like a teenager. Teenagers can sleep. Yeah, babies don't sleep. I know. A friend of Sienna's is going on a six-month trip.
across South America with her boyfriend today. Leaving? What? Leaving today. It's too long of a trip. Way too long of a trip. No way. Way too long. Well, over the weekend, these people's parents, they threw them a goodbye party. Big barbecue, yep. And so, Sienna goes, she takes her four-month-old baby, Sage. And my stepdaughter is nine. Right. Todd is homesick. They go there, and Sienna has this weird feeling. Because all of her friends, they're talking about traveling, what bar they want to go to that night. They're talking about going to the after party, what they're going to do. And Sienna's sitting there trying to keep Sage from stopping, you know, crying. She was up past her bedtime. It was so rough. For me, there's a little bit of a relief when I hang out. My brother's 24 and him and some of his friends, when they talk about that kind of stuff, I'm like...
So glad. But, like, I couldn't even participate in the conversation or even, like, try to because I'm like, it's okay, Sage. I'm rocking her. Jenna's like, I'm hungry. Where are the cookies? They said that there's cookies. I can't find them. I'm like, okay, where's the cookie? You know, and I'm like, oh, my gosh. And here's the thing, L.O.B. I get going, eh, I don't miss partying. Okay, forget missing partying, okay? But think about not having. Responsibility. Now that. Yes. See, when you don't have any responsibility, you don't get the value of it. It's life. It's what you know. Let me speak into your future little man, little woman that is listening to me right now. Believe it. And you don't have any responsibility. Like today, I want you to fart and I want you to go, yeah. I want you to fart and I want you to go, yeah. I don't have anything to do. Just farted and I can just sit here. I'm going to watch Price is Right. I want you to do that because I'm telling you, if you fast forward that tape 10 years, man, you have things to do. Yes. The only time you can fart is when you're running in and out of a building to get in your car to go to the next errand. Or go to the grocery store or you're going on an appointment. We went to Mardi Gras in college on five minutes notice. Hey, do you guys want to go to Mardi Gras?
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you throw a shirt in a bag. Yeah. But I remember being that age and thinking like, gosh, adults are so lucky. They don't have homework. Oh my gosh. Homework. That, just hearing that right now. Gave me anxiety. But even like Matt's niece was, I think, was asking me like some of the things that I have to do for work. And I said, you know, and then I go home and I have homework. And her mom said, see, she still has homework. And once you have kids, you help them with their homework. Like Todd had to do for four hours last night. My friend, my friend CB, he goes, he goes, dude, he's CB six feet tall. Yeah. CB goes, he goes, you know, I asked my wife Amy the other day. He goes, can you remember like. the hottest time in my life for you? And she goes, oh yeah. He goes, when was it? She goes, when we first met, you came up to my car one day. It was in the middle of summer. I was in my car and you had just walked outside of this building and he was in construction and he was wearing a pair of cargo shorts at the time. That was cool. And a t-shirt. And it was so hot that he took his shirt off and he was tan.
And he shoved his shirt in his back pocket. He was tan. He was working construction. He was ripped. And he was walking. And he saw her in her car. So he beelined to her. And she rolled her window down. And she goes, and you kind of smelled like a guy. And you were like. Sweaty. Yeah. And he goes, dude. He goes, I have a picture. He goes, from that day. He goes, and I look at that picture. And I'm like. Where are you? Where have you been? Dude, I do it all the time. All the time. I look at the old woods from 10, 12 years ago. I'm like, damn. You're like, where did you go? Where have you been? It's like we feel like we can bring that person back. Yeah, it looks like I ate him. Like you put him on a skewer and put him over the barbecue and you ate him in one sitting. Oh my gosh. So, okay, this is the thing. We're finding a bunch of audio of the golden-voiced homeless guy and stuff that he's done in the past in terms of voiceover stuff. We got him doing a Kraft macaroni and cheese commercial. So we'll do that for you. And we're going to play our first ever Who Do You Love, which is going to be good. We have to answer these questions with one of the cast members here on the Mikey Show's names.
What cast member would you want to, for example, what cast member would you want to do a road trip with? What cast member would you call if you committed a crime? That's all coming up. The song works perfectly because we're playing Who Do You Love for the first time. Now, if people want to play along with us just for fun, you can call in. We're going to be asking questions that only the members of The Mikey Show can answer. And the reason we like it is it kind of lets you know who we are. And who we love. Who we love. We love all of you. We love all equally. Everyone. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. Woodsy is our sports guy. LOB is our resident comedian and assistant producer. Sienna is our news girl. And Jay is our producer. Our phone screener today is Will. It's Will. Will. Today's his birthday. He's 24 today. Lucky SOB.
Sent him out to get some wheatgrass. Happy birthday, pal. Go get me some oatmeal. Go get me some oatmeal and wheatgrass. Literally, happy birthday. We're buying him breakfast. That's true. Let's see. Wood's going to tell us about meeting the birth mother of their baby they're adopting at 730. He'll be doing that. I'm going to cry. Me too. Me too. Let's see. Okay, so I told you that I would play you the golden voice guy. The golden voice guy doing a... Ted Williams. Ted Williams, golden voiced homeless guy, doing a commercial for Kraft Macaroni and Cheese because now they're finding all of these different, you know, things that he did. You can't just throw this at me. Well, Dad's in the doghouse again. He just showed up with his client unannounced. Not even a text. Luckily, he's got Kraft Homestar Mac and Cheese in the pantry so Mom can save the day. Well, isn't this nice? home-style macaroni and cheese. Cheesy noodles topped with golden brown breadcrumbs. You know you love it. Wow. Wow, what a voice. Incredible voice, and the guy became homeless after that. That little boy's voice. Drugs and alcohol. Sounds like the kid from Jerry Maguire. Yeah, I did. He had some drug and alcohol issues. All right, let's do Who Do You Love?
Now, when we get the caller on the line, this is M1 Jamie from San Marcos. Yeah. Hey, Jamie, how you doing? Doing good, getting a little more ready for school. Right, there you go. All right, here's what we're going to do. When I call on you, you just answer which member of the show you would pick for this, okay? We can only answer with members of the show, okay? Okay. So when I come around to you, then you get to pick. You got it. All right, the first one here is, who would you leave your kids to? If you died. Oh, wow. Start with me. I would... No, not you. Not you, Jamie. Wait till I call you. He said Sienna. Yes! Okay, Jamie, fine. We're calling on you first because you just said it. You would pick Sienna? Yeah. Why? Because he just recently had a baby. Yeah? She's a good mom. Thank you. God, mockers. I would take very good care of them. That would help. Thank you. I got seven of them.
Oh, wow. Wow. All right, Jamie, we got more people hanging on the line. So that was yours. Thank you. Yeah. Stop it. 570-1949 if you want to just play along. You know that happens, right? Wow. I would pick Woods because I have three boys. They know him. They love him. And he would raise. I think Woods knows what I want. Yes, it would be. It would. I would. It would be an honor, my friend. Who would you pick, Sienna? Jay. Why? Because I like his morals behind what he teaches his kids. He has four kids, and he's strict yet fun. Yeah. Jay? Good dad. I'd go with Sienna. Nice. Look at her. No. I think she's just a ton of fun. She looks like she gives good hugs, and she'd be a real loving mom. There you go. Thanks, Jay. Woods? I would pick L.O.B. Whoa, really? What? Because why would you pick me? I would, well, A, you know, I think I would pick L.O.B. because... I hate you, by the way. Why? He just said that he would give you his kids. Right, I'm going to take L.O.B. You have to do an equal exchange. I've seen L.O.B. with her nieces before. And here's the deal. In your house, you don't need another little me running around. I understand. You know what I mean? I wouldn't want a child.
I wouldn't want somebody to chase me. I know! And I think I've heard you say that before. Because I know your wife wouldn't end up raising him. And she'd be like, oh great, another boy. I've seen L.O.B. with her little niece. And L.O.B. may never be married or anything. Oh wow. I thought that I would throw her a bone. She will. Matt's like, really? L.O.B., who would you choose? Don't feel pressure to say me. You know what? I felt a little bit of a toss-up until that last little dig there. I would say Sienna because I've seen her. She's just a natural mom. And also, she's got relatives around that are also... They would be good providers if anything else should happen. Thank you. M1 Harold is on the line, and you can call if you want to play along. Call us right now, 570-1949. Hi, Harold. How's it going? Pretty good, man. Okay, so here's how it works. I'm going to ask the question. We'll go around the room, find out. We can only answer with members of The Mikey Show. And here's the deal. Don't answer until we come to you, okay, Harold? Nope.
All right, cool. This question is, who would you choose to be your roommate? Oh, my gosh. Who would you choose to be your roommate? I would choose Sienna. Why? I would choose Sienna because Sienna understands me. She gets my quirkiness. She could easily work with my quirkiness. understand my quirkiness. She wouldn't do anything to upset me. I think she would be the perfect roommate. Sienna. I would pick you, Mike. Because I would have the most awesome gadgets.
The more laptops you know what to do with. Oh my gosh, I would have the nicest TV. That's great. And because I know Mike so well, I would be able to predict him. I could see that. I could predict everything. I could actually see that working. I'm the most low-maintenance roommate that there is. There's no way. I'm a hermit. I would worry about him walking around naked a little bit. A little bit. And probably that would happen at one time. All right, Harold. If you had to pick one of us to be your roommate, who would it be? It would be Jay, 100%. Why Jay? Oh, yeah. Well, between the two of us, I think we could pick one gadget. Yeah, true. You know, we'd just, we'd be fixing crap and, you know, just... If something's broke, I know Jay's going to fix it if I want to get to it first. There you go. I think we'd chill pretty good. Thank you very much. Thank you, Harold. 570-1949 if you want to participate and pick somebody. Jay, how about you? I would pick Lauren. Why? Because she would have hot friends. A lot of them are married. Good call. Yeah, didn't consider that. Woods?
I would pick Mike. Me? Yes. So I could torture you incessantly. You would, too. Yes. And I could put baby powder on your fan. When you turned your fan on, you'd have baby powder all over your room. I'm really upset. Why? I don't know. I thought you were going to say me. I was thinking about you. We have a lot of fun together. I would have allowed it. I would have, in my heart, been okay with him picking you. We have a lot of fun together. I didn't expect you to pick me. Question. You know what? Are we? If we're roommates, do we still work on the Mikey show together? Yes. Then yes, I would stay with Mike because I would torture him incessantly. I would get hidden audio. Yeah. We would be the number one morning show in the history of the world because of the torture that I would put him through. Oh, my gosh. True. Ella B? Well, I would. For me, it was a toss up. I was thinking first you, Mike, because of the fact that you would keep to yourself and everything. Yeah. It would be like. Almost like... Not having a roommate. Yeah, but I see how you leave little things around. Yes. And that would drive me nuts. So I would have to say Jay because Jay is one of the neatest guys I've ever seen. Yeah. He keeps up after himself and he makes all kinds of cool stuff that I would benefit from. Right. His wife picks up his piles. He'd steal money out of your purse real good. No, but then we would be really good about the electric bill. And the environment.
They'd both be the cheapest two roommates in the world. You owe me 90 cents. Yeah, 45 cent electric bill. And he would go... Why is it $45? What did you do? What did you want? I feel like we'd high-five each other when we had a low. Yes. And be like, next month, let's try to get it at $8. Not to mention, every time we go anywhere, they order the exact same thing to eat. So they would have everything they want in the fridge. Hey, Lauren, unplug the VCR when you leave the house. VCR. The VCR. Because you know they're not spending money for a DVD player. I'd be like, of course. Of course. done m1 dylan from north county are you there yes sir all right here is the next question and we will start with you dylan okay the first the question is if you had to pick one member of the mikey show to do interior design for your home who would it be would be yes why would yes be like a man cave because
I play baseball in the same league as him, and I have a feeling he'd go on the baseball motif. Oh, yeah. I'd pimp your place out, dude. It's like getting a girlfriend in your baseball house. Hey, work well for the kid. Many years. I'm a single dad. My kid gets me girlfriends, all right? Oh, yeah. That's all you need. That's true. There you go. All right. Thank you for the call. I could, if given some dough. Hey, can I say one thing to you, Mikey? Yeah, go ahead, man. Hey, last week, man, I used to never listen to talk radio. I used to hate talk radio. And I've been listening to you guys since you started on this station. And last week when you did, when you talked about your son Jacob, dude, I went to the job site sobbing. Oh, man. Well, thank you. Family, I get from this radio show, I just feel like you guys all really care about each other and what you say is real. I'm hooked on you guys. I've said it before. You guys are like my crack. Thank you, man. Thank you very much. And being a single dad, just hearing what you said, Mikey. You're a great dad, and you're a great dude. Thank you. Hey, real quick, what team are you on? Because I have an idea who you are. What team, Mom? Yeah. I don't play in that league anymore. I quit last year. Oh, okay. I was playing in North County, but I was on the sting. We were the last guy to beat Barry. Okay. Oh, yeah. Nobody beats those guys. All right, cool. Thank you, bro. Have a great day, you guys. You too, brother. You too. We love you, dude. Bye. Okay, so the question is...
If you had to pick somebody to do the interior design in your home, who would it be? I choose... Don't anybody get angry. I choose L.O.B. Hang on a second. Before you get angry... Sienna's furious. I knew Sienna was going to be the look. I knew Sienna was going to be the look that I was going to get. I knew it. Hang on a second. The reason that I would pick L.O.B. is because she is... extremely meticulous. She is very meticulous and I need things. She has Buddha above her bed. I know, but she wouldn't do that. I thought of it. I thought of it. I thought of the Buddha. I thought of the Buddha. But she wouldn't put Buddha in my, if I got her to do interior design, she wouldn't put in Buddha. She would do everything meticulously just the way that I want it and that would be great. And Sienna would talk me into things that I would say, I'd cave. I would instantly cave and go, yes, yes, yes. LOB would allow me to say, this is what I want, and then she'd just meticulously put it out there. I would pressure you. I agree. Sienna? Well, I was going to say Mike. No! I just blew it. But now I don't want to. Oh, great. Who? I'll say Mike. Oh, wow. Why me? Because you'll put really nice TVs in there. It's the same answer. It's the same answer as before. You'll even stalk the fridge.
Oh, yeah. You know there's going to be snacks in there. Real good. Jay, who would you pick? It would be you. Wow. Why me? Because you're a gadget guy, man. Gadget guy. And I do like your taste of stuff that you have at your house. Well, that's Rebecca, though. Yeah, but you like it. Yeah, I do. You like it. Rebecca didn't bring the candles in the studio. That is true. And you like a big couch. Yes. Yeah, that's true. I got to pick Mike as well. Are you kidding? I think. And so let's say for some reason I was single. and I had a new apartment and I go, I got 10 grand. Let's go pimp my place out. No problem. I can tell you exactly. I would take Mike because Mike would be like, oh, Woodsy, think about this. The couch in the corner with this above it, you'd know what you're doing. I do love that. Yeah, I know. L-O-B. Gosh, I feel like every time I keep saying this, I want to say my one, my second person and then my first person. Can I do that still? Yeah, yeah. I almost went with you, Mike, because I'm really efficient. I like the efficiency, and I feel like you know how much everything costs. I'm always a bright fan. I'm really good with a budget. But I think I would need a woman's touch. Thank you. So I think I would pick Sienna because she's got that romantic feeling. M1, Veronica from Escondido. Are you there? I'm here. Okay. We're doing good. You're going to play along with this. Okay. If you had to pick somebody to pick your wardrobe.
And you can only use somebody on the Mikey show to pick your wardrobe. Who would it be? I'll go first. Hands down, don't have to think about it. Sienna. I don't have to think about it. You want to pick your boy here? No way in the world. Has Sienna ever convinced a girl to sleep with her? No, I have. I can put you in some clothes that would work for you. But there is no doubt in my mind. I'm a good mean man. There is no doubt in my mind. I'm shocked. Woods, you would have me. It'd be a joke. You would do it as a joke. You would do it as a joke. I swear I wouldn't. I swear I wouldn't. I've asked Sienna, Sienna, go online and pick out my stuff. I've said it. Yeah. There's no doubt. There's no doubt. Sienna, who would you pick? I would pick Lauren because she knows what's up. Woods, I would be interested to see what Woods would pick, but I think it'd be like... Way too much cleavage. Be a little busty. A little. Minus a little. It would be busty. Well, Sienna couldn't look a little busty if she tried. Yeah, that's true. But Lauren, I like her style. She would do a good job. M1 Veronica, who would you pick if you had to pick one of us to pick your wardrobe? Obviously, I have a toss-up between Sienna and Lauren. But, I mean, I love the way Sienna dresses. She seems to dress really casual.
But I got to go with L.O.B. She has fantastic style and just the cute clothes that she wears and everything like that. I'd have to go with L.O.B. Sienna just stuck her nose up in the air like, OK, fine. I dress casual. Do you have a four month old baby? What? I think I really, really, really love comfy clothes, but I don't. I don't know. I have a lot of comfy clothes, but I think L.O.B., she's like... What? Am I just like here in sweatpants or something? I'm wearing a dress. I usually wear strange things that nobody else gets because I get them like discounted. For a dollar. Yeah, you're going to be wearing a lot of tie-dye. Yeah. Thrift stores. Discount vintage stuff. That's awesome. Yeah, that's L.O.B. Veronica, thank you. 570-1949 if you want to play along. Jay, who do you pick to do your wardrobe? Don't hate me, Sienna. Lauren. You better pick me. Why? I've seen the way Matt dresses. He can't be doing that all on his own. Oh, of course. Guy dresses sharp and she's picking it. Are you saying that Todd doesn't dress sharp? No, wow. He wears a lot of jerseys. That is true. Once worn a jersey. Never. I think I could produce a picture of him in a jersey right now. Yeah, me too. I think so too. Yeah, I think so too.
I think I've seen him in Steelers jersey multiple times. Yeah, I think so. He wears shirts that say sports team names. There you go. That's not a jersey. Why would you not pick me? Why would you pick Lauren over me? I'm looking at you right now. Look at you. What are you, in the Army? No, this is a cool jacket. There is no way you could pick. Jay's clothes. Yes, I could. We wear the same stuff. We wear surf clothes. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? In the summer, we look exactly the same. We both got quick silver shorts on and a t-shirt. Lauren would have him in some hemp belt immediately. I could pimp that dude up. I could so easily, too. I'd probably dress Jay exactly what he already wears, but maybe throw in some western pearl snaps. I'm in. You pick Lauren. Let her pick your outfit. Woods. Done.
Sienna. Thank you! She picks up my clothes now anyway. That's true. I guess Woods hates the shirt that I gave him for Christmas. Well, it wouldn't fit my baby. She got it like a medium. It was a medium. It was the most rad shirt I've ever seen. It's the raddest shirt I've ever seen. It was a medium, was it? Maybe give it to me. It was a large. It was a large. It wouldn't fit on his arm, L.O.B. I couldn't button it. It wouldn't reach. I couldn't button it. If that shirt fit, in fact, I saw that shirt, I'm like, I want that shirt. It's badass. I'm like... It was like a plaid button up. That shirt would fit Jake. Well, okay. I have a really bad judge of size. I didn't have a guy next to me. I should have brought Matt with me and held it up against him. But I also didn't want to get you the extra large because I felt like... Then it was mean. I felt like you'd be like, oh, really? If you were buying from me, it's okay to get the quadruple X. Me too. It's okay. L-O-B. I go, babe, look at this. And I go, the buttons won't reach. It's made for like a teenager. I think. creamy or something. It's so small. I was in a store and I was like, definitely. You know what I do is I know how Woods is sized next to me, so I'll put the shirt on and I'll see how big it is. You're smart, Santa. That's what I do. L.O.B., who would you pick to pick your wardrobe? I would pick Woods. Nice. Because he... I'd have you all slutted up real good. Yeah, I would like to see what he...
Your inner sleaze. You would see your inner sleaze. He has a lot to say about women in the media. Women in general. I would love to see. I love that game. 570-1949 is our number. And when we come back, this is what we're going to be talking about. So you can start calling us with this now. We want to know the weirdest, funniest, the weirdest slash funniest slash strangest. guy or girl at the gym. Oh, got to. Dude, I got some, I got some, and the coolest thing about it is that there's no names attached to it. It's just, it's that guy. You know, we had dinner this Saturday, and we had dinner with our friends Lori and Kelly, and Kelly goes, I'm 100% convinced that this guy at the gym, he doesn't pay for cable, and the reason that he doesn't is because that's all he does at the gym. Wow. He sits on the bench. And he watches the TV. And people are like, can we get in here? Was it Jay? So start calling us the that guy at the gym or that girl. 570-1949. Nah, I jumped the gun. And what I mean is, I love the topic and everything. I was just supposed to wait to do that topic because 7.30 we're going to hear about Woodsy, which I want to know. None of us know. And so we could do a couple of things. If you're calling about the gym thing,
You can hang on the line, or you can wait until I bring it up again. But we said at 7.30, we were going to hear about Woodsy and his trip to Colorado to meet the birth mother of their soon-to-be baby. By the way, he's going to tell us on the air what the baby's name is going to be. But it was the most important thing that he'd ever done in his life, and it was happening on Saturday. He was meeting with her. For the first time on Saturday, the birth mother of the baby that they're going to adopt, how did it go? It couldn't have gone better. Oh, yeah. The only way it could have gone better is if she had the baby then and said, here, take it. I mean like a step by step, a door opening, everything. So we leave Friday. Our flight was at 5 o'clock. And we live in North County. At 3.30, we were still in our house. And we were just getting our stuff together. And I looked at her and I go, hey, babe, it's 3.30. Our flight's at 5. And she goes, we probably need to get to the airport. And I was like, I don't know what was. I think we were so freaked out.
Freaked out, and we were thinking about everything. That is so unlike you. I'm a two-hour early guy. You guys all know that. It's 3.30. I'm going 110 down to 5 because we've got to make this flight because we go from San Diego to L.A., L.A. to Denver. How bad would that have been if you guys had missed that flight? It would have been the worst thing ever. Luckily for us, we are in the commuter terminal, which is just easy. Park, bam, on the plane. Two seconds to get through security. We get to Denver, rent the car, get to our hotel, check in. We don't sleep a wink. I've been up since 3.30. She worked all day. She's out closing business, and we were running around like lunatics. We laid in bed, and we were like, wow, this is a big day tomorrow. And we were pretty emotional and just talking and happy and excited. Well, the morning comes, and we're a wreck. Both of us are just wrecks. And she's getting ready and I'm getting ready. I get ready in like 15 minutes. Wrecks how? Wrecks like nervous, man. Like, what the hell are we going to talk about? You know, what are we going to talk about? What can we ask? What can't we ask? What do we want to know? What must we leave here knowing? What did you wear? I wore, oh, this is interesting. I forgot my jeans that I wanted to wear. Gosh. So I was a train wreck. I've never liked that. I am always packed early. I got everything I need. I line it up.
I was a wreck. And I had jeans on that I hate. And I had them all week. And I had to wear them all week. So in the morning, I'm unpacking my stuff. And I go, I forgot my jeans. I forgot my jeans. I forgot my freaking jeans. Jamie's like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. So I just go, you know what? It's not about the jeans. You know what I mean? It's about the music. So we had called her. And we agreed we were going to meet for breakfast. So we went to IHOP. Delicious. And we pull up. What are you wearing? I'm in jeans. I'm in a gray V-neck sweater with a white T-shirt underneath. Looking sharp, I bet. What's the temperature there? 30. So do you have a big heavy jacket over there? I've got my North Face fleece on. What about your wife? What is she wearing? My wife is in. Right now she's like, babe, I had the black skirt. My wife looked beautiful. Proper answer. She had a scarf on. I don't remember. Damn it. Did she have jeans? I don't think she. Was she wearing slacks? I think she wore leggings and boots. Cute. Very cute. Perfect. As she's driving in right now going, I had jeans on, you idiot. I don't know. I don't remember. I was so focused on what we had to do. We pull into IHOP and who do we see getting out of her car with her mom but Chelsea. Oh my gosh. And Chelsea's. Your heart just. I go, babe, babe, babe. You immediately knew it was her. I go, babe, that's her. That's her. You know, we'd seen our picture. Saw the belly. And I'm like, so I do my bit.
Drive up, roll the window down. Hey, good morning. You know, like before we even, you know, didn't. I'm like, hey, we're going to park. So we parked. We got out. We walked up. And Jamie gave her a big hug. I gave her mom. A big hug. And then we switched. Oh, boy. And then we went into breakfast and we sat down and we ordered and we all feasted. But what did you eat? Oh, boy. I had a breakfast sampler. I mean, I was so nervous. I had coffee and a Coke. Oh, my gosh. We sat down and we started talking. It was like talking with family. It was like talking with family. Really? Her mom's from Texas. They're thinking about moving back to Texas. You know what it was like? It was like meeting with having breakfast with an aunt and a cousin is what it felt like to both of us. We started talking about Texas. We started talking about everything under the sun. I mean, really, they were asking us, what was your...
background like you know what are your parents like and we were asking them questions you know what do you want to do i was asking chelsea you know what do you want to be what do you want to do um one of your big concerns woods was that you often will put your foot in your mouth yes did you put your foot in your mouth i did not oh god um i did not put my foot in my mouth as far as i know i mean i don't i didn't say anything to where they were like whoa You know, so then this is really cute. And we went we wanted to buy her some maternity clothes. And so we went to the mall and she was so cute. She took out this piece of paper and it had some maternity stores on it. And so we navigated our way. We found our way, went in and we bought her a ton of maternity clothes. And I went to while they were looking at bras and underwear. I was like, I'm going to go take a walk. So I went, I bought this new hat that I got and I went, I went to Bath and Body Works and bought her some tummy butter, like a whole big thing of like lotion and like for her belly for stretch marks and whatever. So I gave that to her. She was really, really pleased. And so then we shopped and, you know, she's tired. She's pregnant. She's seven months pregnant. And I said, well, we should meet for dinner because we wanted to meet her stepdad and her sister as well. And we get in the car and.
Take her back to their car. Jamie gets a text 10 minutes later like, you guys are the greatest. I'm so glad that you came here. Thank you for coming here. Thank you for buying me all that stuff. I know that this is the right move. And they kept telling us during breakfast that you guys are it. You guys are it. Two months. Two months. Oh, my God. She and Jamie texted 100 times, and she was texting Jamie things like, I just now know this was something. This, to me, meant everything to me. This was the key part of the day. We're sitting at breakfast, and we asked them, why us? Why us? You got 12 pamphlets. Why us? Oh, my gosh. And they both looked, and they said, well, when we saw Jamie, we knew. She was – there's pictures of Jamie with babies and they just knew. But they said, well, this is so wild. And Jamie was like, really? They go, what really sold us was you. What? You would? Me. And I said, why? And they go, we've never really had great males and men in our lives. And we saw you. We saw how – we read how you wrote. We saw the pictures of you.
Chelsea had talked to me on the phone. She goes, once we saw you and what a fun dad you looked like you would be and a good dad, we never looked at anybody else. I was like, dude, I was filled up with tears. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, holy smokes. And Jamie's looking at me like, that's incredible. And so that meant the world to me. I have a really good dad. I was raised by a really good dad. It meant everything to me. And they're dead on too. You're going to be. Oh my God. You know, big, big expectations and big shoes to fill for sure. But it was, it was awesome. So we're back in, we're back in the hotel. It's probably two o'clock on Saturday and we're beat. We're emotionally drained. We're wiped out. We didn't sleep. Traveling. I'm like, I gotta grab a nap. You know, football was on. I was like, I'm going to grab a nap. And Jamie had some work to do. All of a sudden from downstairs, I hear. Like the Mexican hat dance. They're having a quinceanera below us. The loudest noise you could ever imagine. We were dying laughing. We're like, only us. And then we hear... For hours. Oh, my gosh. Hours. And we're dying. Meanwhile, Chelsea's texting us the whole time. You guys are so great. It was awesome. So this was cool. So then we said, well, let's meet for dinner. So we went to Outback. Delicious. Again.
Her sister, her stepsister London, and her stepdad came. And her stepdad played football at Tulsa. We hit it off two seconds. And we talked the whole time. And they're like, we knew when we saw you guys, you guys were it. And she gave us some sonogram pictures. At dinner, she goes, Chelsea said, Mama, should I tell her what we talked about? And we're like, what, what? And she asked Jamie, she goes, do you want to be in the room? When I give birth, that was it for me, man. I'm tearing up. I got goosebumps so bad. Oh, my gosh. So Jamie starts crying at the table. And it was like, for Jamie, that was it. I mean, she's going to get to be in there when she gives birth. Unbelievable. That is amazing. Just through the roof, man. Through the moon we were. And we are so excited. And we have, it's a little boy. And we have the name picked out.
And his name will be Connor Patrick Woods. That's rad, dude. And he will be starting fullback for the University of Michigan with that name, Connor Patrick Woods. He can't help but be anything. So it's what, the 10th? Yeah. Really one of the best parts about it, too, is... They're going to induce labor. So we know once they schedule the date, we know when it's going to happen. I was just thinking, how will Jamie know when we get out there on time? And so when that date is scheduled, we will buy plane tickets and we will go. And when we come home, we will have Connor Patrick with us. And this is another thing that I wanted to tell you guys. And when we started this process, our attitude was. no, we're not going to do an open adoption. We don't want to do an open adoption. We want to take the kid. And what is that? Open adoption, for those of you that don't know, means that the birth mother is, I wouldn't necessarily say involved, because they're in the picture. You send them updates. By the time we left breakfast, Jamie and I were in the car and I go,
And I even said at breakfast, I thought I might have put my foot in my mouth because I said, listen, the paradigm shift from where we were when we started this process of no way we're going to do an open adoption to where we sit now. If you want pictures, if you want updates, if you want to visit, you can. And we're okay with that. And I want you to know that because this girl to us now is family. She is family to us. Giving you the greatest gift of all. Giving us something that we can't do on our own. I want them to come here. I want them to see Connor. We told her the name. I want them to be able to see Connor. And we want to be his parents, and we are going to be. But the way that when we thought about the gift that she's going to give us. if that's something that she wants and wants to be involved in, then I can't take that away from her. You know, I just can't. And I really think that we're, and I talked to Jamie in the car and she goes, yeah, I'm totally fine with this. That little girl is family to us. And I said, absolutely. You know, the thing that is so remarkable to me about all of it is just rewinding the clock a year and a half. Tell me about it. Oh man. Just rewinding the clock a year and a half ago.
Woods was just in such a different place, and he and Jamie were in such a different place, and you have just grown so much. I've actually, I believe that I have watched you transform into a man over the last year and a half. I feel like it. And it's just amazing what has happened in your life, how different it is, the blessings that are going on in your life. Every day. Every single day, man. I'm so stoked for you guys. Jamie doesn't even know this. I went into the bathroom when we got back from the hotel, and I hit my knees, and I thank God, and I was bawling crying. In the bathroom, I was just like, thank you. This is for us. This is everything. We can't do this the traditional way. And for my wife to get to be a mommy now, forget it. Just forget it. And me a dad. I mean. It's the greatest gift ever. And I talked to both my parents and my dad was like, I guess he asked my mom to see the sonogram pictures about a hundred times. And he's so excited. And I'm the oldest grandson. I'm the oldest child. I'll be first. And I'll have the first grandson in my family and the first kid in my family. And my dad is, and it's a boy. So my dad is just ecstatic. Unbelievable.
Jamie will be a mommy and I'll be a daddy and it's on. It's on now. He sent us an email and he wouldn't tell us anything about what was going on over the weekend except he sent one email that the subject was my son and my eyes filled with tears. I can't even imagine what it must have felt like to even type that. I stared at that picture for so long. Me too. We looked at him and she was going to make us copies and then after dinner she goes You guys take these and you can send them back if you want. But take these. And we just sat there in the hotel room and we just looked and we're like, what is that? Is that his hair? Does he have his hair? There's one picture with both of his feet are like up by his mouth. I'm like, holy cow. He's a little dude. He's a little dude. He's like three pounds right now. Chelsea was, I guess, a very little baby. And that seems about right. They grow a lot in the end. Her mom goes. She slept through the night immediately. She was the best baby. I was like, oh, please, please, please. That's so great. March, you know, around the first of March is when this is going to go down. And, boy, we are on just red alert right now, getting stuff ready. And, like, I, in my mind, am.
in that paradigm of that I'm a dad now. Yeah. You know, and I'm like trying to be a dad. Question for you, Woodsy. Yes. M1 Connor from San Diego. Go ahead. Hey. Long time listener, man. Followed you over from the other station. Love the new show. Thank you, bro. Thanks. Thank you. Hey, Woods, man. Patrick sounds like a pretty Irish name to me. Yes. Spell it, man. You got to use one N and no E's. Have you thought about that, Woods? You know, we have. And we have two N's, no E's. So C-O-N-N-O-R? Mm-hmm. I like that. We didn't go with the one N. We didn't go with the one N because this is how weird I am. There's a guy named Connor Oberst, and he's a singer, and I don't like him very much. But I love the name, but I don't want it spelled the same. It's weird. I knew only one other stage, and she had an I, and I was like, oh, got to be different. M1 Julie from Encinitas.
Hi, everybody. Hi, Woods. Congratulations. Thank you very much. You're so very welcome. I have a question for you. My husband and I haven't had problems in that area. Sure. And I'm just curious, how long did this whole process take? You're making me cry on the road. For us, it's been a whirlwind. I mean, it's something that we kicked around for a while. We went and we signed up with, it was kind of... non-traditional the way we did it we went through a company it's called a loving alternative they're awesome um and they're actually a search firm and they will go out and find you know and and they'll find you a baby and and um it happened really quickly for us and i mean not the norm quickly for us i don't know why it was meant to be it was meant to be we were kind of saying to Woods was like, you know, and then we're going to be having a baby soon. And all of us were kind of like, now listen, it could take longer than you hoped for and all this stuff. And then it just happened. And I think this is your baby. Have Jared do your pamphlet. Yeah, have Jared do your pamphlet because he did our pamphlet and it was really different. Stood out. And it stood out and they said, those are the guys. And, you know, it's everything has fallen into place like a puzzle. And we.
It took us really, I mean, it's embarrassing to almost say, but it's only been. We met with that agency in May, June, and here we are of January of the next year, and we have a baby coming in March. Less than a year for you guys. Less than a year. I have to say that you've inspired me with your story this morning. It's pretty awesome. Thank you very much. And, you know, it's something that, I don't know, I mean, it felt really taboo to talk about at first, you know, adopting and this and that. Um, it's just, I'm so, I'm such an advocate of it because you know what, this girl in her mind, she's like, listen, I'm young and I have a few and I want to have a future and it's going to be really hard, um, with this baby. And if I can give it to a family that's going to raise it and love him like nobody else, she kept saying, you know, now I know, now I know after meeting you guys, I know. And, uh, we're going to raise that kid, you know, as our own. M1 Lisa from Carlsbad.
Hi there. Congratulations, Liz. Thank you very much. Thanks for letting me drive my boys into a parking lot at school crying like a baby. Sorry. Oh, my gosh. I'm so happy for you. Thank you so much. And my boys, we listen to you guys on the radio every morning. Awesome. The only thing you need to change is the interrogator on Tuesdays. The incorporator. I'm sorry. The interrogator. That's actually a good one too. LLB can do that one. That's brilliant. We're all choked up again. Anyway, you guys do it like 10 minutes too late. Too late. We'll change it for you. For the kids. We got to do it for the kids. There you go. Well, thank you very much. Want to play this song for Woodsy. Just announced that in March, Connor will be here. Connor Patrick Woods. M1 Connor Patrick Woods. Love it. Yep. Very excited. All right, so now you can call us with the stuff if you have it. The weird people or things that you see at the gym. Everybody's got one. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And our phone screener today is Will. I have a guy who goes to the gym I go to, works out in jean shorts. They are not cutoffs. They're jean shorts. They're, you know, not cutoff kind.
And he wears those yellow kind of work boots. Wow. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yes, I have the same thing. Yeah, similar guy. And he wears a tank top and a weightlifting belt. Of course he does. See, there's a guy, old guy, wears a white beater. Older guy, this guy's an older guy. He's older too. Full length jeans with the workman's boots. And he'll go hard for like three presses. And then he's like, ah! And done onto the next machine. But he'll do like three of, I think it's a lot of weight. I don't know, but he'll go, ah! And then go on to the next one. That's like for strength training. I'm trying to tone and lose weight, so I don't do the lot of weight. I don't like a lot of weight. He's so stringy, though. Listen, I know that I'm an odd guy, but I'm just thinking, I'm walking myself through the thought process of, okay, I'm going to go work out. I need my work boots. I need my jeans. Yeah. I'm trying to walk through that thought process. Well, I think all he does is rip off the flannel that he had on, on top of that ensemble, and is like, all right, I'm ready for the gym, you know? Wow, man. Wow. He does construction all day long. Yeah. It might be his lunch break, and he just doesn't have time to pack a bag and shower. He doesn't? I guess not. Not the night before, maybe? He's old school. Is there anything?
That you can think of more uncomfortable than working out in jeans? The boots even don't bother me. A suit. A suit. A tux. I should do that as a bit. Go into the gym in a suit and tie and lay down. Or a sweater with nothing underneath it. And then it get hot. You got to be hot in jeans. Don't your feet. In boots. Not if you're only doing three lifts. Well, I told you that over the weekend we had dinner with Lori and Kelly. And Kelly said that at their gym. There's a guy that goes in there and he sits on the bench of a machine and he watches TV. That's hilarious. And people are like, you know, they're having a conversation. Like Lori, somebody will come up to Lori and go, is he using that? And Lori will go, he's just been watching TV. And they're like, I got to work in. And she's like, so do I. And nobody says to him. excuse me, he just sits there and watches the TV. Like, he doesn't pay for cable at home or something. He watches TV. I'd wait a while, and then I'll go, excuse me, are you using this? You gotta do it. What if he says yes? Yeah, he'll go, yeah, and then he'll bust down and do his stuff. Can I work in? L.O.B., I actually thought of you because this is so not me, but L.O.B. has admitted that this is her. L.O.B. is the competitive gym person, and so is Lori.
So Lori said she'll get on a machine, and if somebody's working out next to her, she'll do the keep-up bit. Oh, yeah. I want to go one over. Oh, one louder. That's so great. I also, okay, here's the thing. It doesn't happen with guys, but if it's a girl, if I get onto a machine and she does more weight than I'm capable of, I'm like, I got this. And I try to do whatever she was doing. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. It's a good way to knock your shoulder out of the sock. Yeah, a good way to... tear something they also said there's a guy that comes and he does like pinball throughout the gym so he'll go over to something and he'll throw up uh two you know reps and then run over to something else run to something else and he just pinballs through the gym that's a way to get your cardio through lifting yeah Just keep it going. Don't have that idol. You're not supposed to stop. But two is the weird part. It's kind of strange. Because LLB and I both do the circuit training at our gym, Choose Fitness. And you do your weights and then you do cardio in between. And you're dying by the time you're done. Dying. There will be people that I'll be working out. And my trainer's name is Wendy. And we're working out. And we're standing in front of a mirror.
That sees the entire gym. And someone will walk in and I'll say, oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Because you see things that you go, oh, my goodness. I didn't know anybody would do that. Leopard. Leopard. Leopard print. Leopard print. Like a leotard. Leopard print leotard. It's the older guys. Oh, I thought you were talking about girls. Me too. Oh, yeah. That was a girl. But I'm saying it's that. But it's also the older guys that will do stuff that you're just like. The short shorts. Oh, man. Yeah. I got the guy who likes to talk to you. Like you're trying, you're lifting. He's like, and you're wanting to go to your next machine. He's like, hey, so do you see that? Whatever. And I'm just like, look. I don't care to talk to you, but he'll follow you around. Like, not working out at all. I'm so glad that L.O.B. and Sienna both are like, when they get in the gym, they don't want to visit because I don't like to talk. My wife's like, let's go for a walk or go running with me. And I'm like, I don't want to talk. I want to be in my own thing. You know, but there are the gym that we're at. I haven't seen that many different people. Aside from the nude guy in the locker room with his penis hanging out was very weird.
Gray hair everywhere. It was not gray. It's the worst. It's the worst. When you walk into the gym and the old guy is there and he didn't care. You feel like if you walk into the locker room, someone's just naked. You're like, I'm sorry. You feel like you've walked into their personal space. One of the guys on my Facebook wrote, we talked a little bit about naked guy last week. One guy wrote that he walked in to his gym and this gentleman had one leg up on the counter. With a blow dryer. Yeah. And was blow drying his boys. No way. Nude. Oh. Yeah, they wrote it today. Mike, you got the email on your desk. Okay, here's the thing. Let me read the email and then I'm going to give you my take on this. Let's see. Calls him Gramps. Gramps. Gramps, this guy's leg up. Jay, don't let him call you that. Oh, well. Yeah. Husband walks into the men's locker room and hears the blow dryer on. Looks over and sees Gramps naked blow drying the boys. kinder teacher here's the thing you have to go through an incredible amount of mental agility to be able to go you know what i'd like to do and make the transition between you know what i'd like to do and i'm going to do it feels real good because you're standing there and you've got the blow dryer and you think to yourself
And then you just go. Just go for it. Nah, I'm going to do it. Ringing the bell real good. Yeah, ringing the bell. And you're thinking, and it's got to be in your head, you know, human beings are going to see me. Oh, yeah, they don't care. You know, I'd be embarrassed to do that alone at home with no one there. I got a booty. I will. Bye, Mike. Mikey slumped back in the chair staring up. He looks like he gave up. He's on a roll. He's giving up. He's giving up for the day. He's giving up. Swept his legs right after the meeting. He swept me. He swept me. It's like a kid jumping on the bed and you hit his legs up from under him. Mikey was jumping on the bed. I never had a chance there. Never stood a chance. I might at home take a blow dryer under the towel and dry off there sometimes. Why don't you just use the towel at home? Because it feels good. If warm, it's nice. You've never done that? Come on. Woods, listen. You promise? I admit things. I know. I mean, maybe once in my life or a couple times in my life. In my adult life, I can tell you that in my adult life, meaning the last 10 to 15 years, I do not recall a time taking a blow dryer to the boys. I will go. A lot of times, too, if I'm cold when I get out of the shower, that's what I do. It warms you up.
So you throw it under the towel, but you're not standing there nude like a psychopath. Just take a towel like a shoe polisher and go. Yeah, exactly. Like you're cleaning a bowling ball. I will say this. I'd never do it at the gym. Never. I never would do it at the gym. I would never do it at the gym. And really, the guy that does do it at the gym. I want his computer history looked into. I want to know what kind of van he drives because he drives a van. I guarantee he's the same guy like maybe the guy that waited on me in the grocery store that asks me which gym I go to. It just has the gall to ask people questions that you're like, you don't tell someone they have beautiful eyes and then ask them where they work out. Beautiful eyes. What type of underwear do you prefer? Exactly. Dude, I'm telling you, man. There are guys in there that are shameless. They just don't care. Me, out of the shower, I do the boxers under the towel bit. At the gym. At the gym. I do the boxers under the towel bit. Really? Yes. No. I just get dressed. I'll put a towel on, walk out, get dressed. But I don't hide it.
Just all naked. We wear our towels differently. We wear them like over the chest. And I will put the bra over the towel, fasten the bra, and then slip the towel out from underneath just so I don't have things flopping out. So you're fine with women seeing you in your bra. Yeah, the bra and underwear is the same as a bathing suit. I still don't want guys to see me in my underwear. I'll stand in my boxers for a second while I'm putting my socks on. For a hot second, I'll be in that brown underwear. First of all, I'm rarely in a gym locker room. The only locker room you'll ever find me at any time is when I get a massage. And when I go into that locker room, I want it empty. And sometimes I'll walk in and I'll see a guy and I'll walk right out. And I'll wait him out. I'll be Uncle Ted. But won't they even give you a robe in a massage? It is there. I know, but you've got to put the robe on. You walk in there in your street clothes. Just take off your shirt, put the robe on, then take off the pants. Not that comfortable. See, only time I've ever gotten a massage, you get changed, you de-robe in the actual room. Yeah, me too. What do you mean? They leave. They leave, and then they say, I'll give you some time. Oh, so you walk in there with your clothes on? Yeah. You walk in the room, and then they'll say, I'll be back in a few minutes. No, all the gyms I've ever been to, you're in your robe.
No, I mean for a massage. Massage, yeah, massage. I've done both. You're in a row. I've done both. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You must have gone to a nice place. Wait, you've been in a kind of gym where you go, I mean, not gym, sorry. Massage. You've been in a type of massage place where you walk into the massage room in your street clothes, they leave, and you take your clothes off? Yeah, I think that's the only kind I've ever been. That's the only kind I've ever been. That's even when we went on the pampering day. Oh, that's right, that's right, that's right. I think they tell you to put a towel across yourself. I can't really remember. Yeah. You can't have a choice. Well. I'm always uncomfortable, and it's the only thing I do really fast, lightning fast. If anybody saw me nude in a gym or a locker room, I'd be mortified. I have a new bit that I'm going to do on workout days, and that's I'm going to wear my workout clothes to work, so I have to go buy a bunch of new workouts. I don't like the bags. You know what? I don't even like going to the locker room anymore. I don't like it either. It's terrible. Yeah. I just don't like it. I'm not comfortable. And it always smells like poo-poo. And I'm worried about my feet. Yes. Athlete's foot. And I'm worried about disgusting stuff. Yeah. Should wear sandals. Foot bluffs. Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. NFL football playoffs. The greatest was the greatest. It was awesome. Those games did not disappoint, man. So let's start in Seattle. Seattle.
Seattle took on the defending champion, New Orleans Saints. I picked the Saints because I thought, you're not going to lose to a 7-9 team. What I didn't take into consideration was the field. The 12th man. The 12th man. They were ungodly loud the whole day. Only reason I picked Seattle. And you did. And Jay did, too, because he just throws darts at a board and somehow comes out on top. Matt Hasselbeck threw four touchdown passes. Marshawn Lynch had one of the greatest runs I have ever seen. Same. Best one I can remember. Maybe you show me Gale Sayers or Barry Sanders from years ago. Because it was crunch time. There were four minutes left. They handed off. His run was filthy. It was 64 yards. He looked like a bulldozer. He did. And he shed. They said seven, eight guys. I mean, it was just no. He was pushing guys off. Stiff arm. That shove. He slapped that man down. He slapped him down. That guy fell, too. That's embarrassing. It was insane. So the Seahawks move on, man. 41 to 36 over the Saints. Here's Matt Hasselbeck talking about their victory. Cut one. We just beat the world champs. I mean, that's a great feeling. And we worked hard to do it. It wasn't like it just kind of happened. I mean, we worked hard this week. And we prepared. And we believed.
We laid it on the line, and it was an emotional game. It's just like I'm emotionally drained right now. I'm physically drained right now. It just was satisfying. Yeah, and what a big win for those guys. I mean, I'm not a big Pete Carroll fan. I like his voice. Yeah, Matt Hasselbeck. And he, you know, hey, four touchdowns in a playoff game. The guy played his butt off. Man, they did really well. Also, they had the big – this was the game I think I was looking most forward to. The Jets Colts. And Rex Ryan had been owned by Peyton Manning. I mean, Peyton had just destroyed him. And, you know, Rex is now dipping his toe in the water of the postseason. The field goal, there's a winning field goal by Nick Folk, and it made it by a foot. And he'll have to wait another week to smell defeat. Oh, wow. Before the game, he got all hot and bothered by Santonio Holmes' turf toe. They have a new team doctor for the Jets. They have a new team doctor, Dr. Scholes. Wow. He's got a foot fetish, Rex Ryan. When it was fourth and a foot, I think I saw Rex's pants move. Good thing he didn't folk it up. Yes. Very good, LLB. So Nick Fole kicks the game winner. They win 17-16. And here's Rex Ryan talking about that big victory cut to.
I'm a stubborn guy, but I'm not that stubborn. Feet, feet. You know, so I wasn't going to take the same kind of butt kicking that I usually take from. Feet, foot, feet. It was a Herculean effort by our team. That's his inner monologue. Feet, feet. Feet, feet. And I'm thankful I finally got the beat. Toenails, feet. Pedicure feet. Pretty feet. Dainty pretty feet. I was watching the game with Matt and his brother and we said, can you imagine the day after that story broke in the locker room, the guys not saying, they had to be like, yeah, coach, we got to go toe to toe with him. Start off on the right foot. Just listing off all those things. So great. Well, this game turned into, I got to see a little of this in the airport, but turned into a blowout. It looked like a pretty good game. It was 30-7 Baltimore over Kansas City. I was very surprised because Kansas City's offense has looked really, really strong. Was not expecting that, but man, that Ravens defense is...
Unbelievable. You look at that defense, you're like, those guys could win the Super Bowl. As good as they are. They picked off Castle all day. Jamal Charles, they had him hemmed up behind the line. It was an absolutely great victory for the Ravens. They win 30-7 over the Chiefs. And then finally, Green Bay, 21, Philadelphia, Philly, 16. I saw the last play of the game. They blew it. Mike Vick drops back, slings one into the end zone, intercepted. Green Bay wins. Here is Michael Vick talking about that last play. Cut three. The last play, we had four verticals. And, you know, I just took a shot at the end zone. I could have checked it down to the back. Shut up. You know, I feel like I got greedy and took a shot at the end zone and didn't throw the right ball I wanted to throw and then got picked off. That's terrible.
It's a bad way to go out, Blake. Sorry. Hey, I went out swinging. Yeah, you did, man. Gosh, well, we'll see you next year. He's a heck of a football player. You can't fault what he just said. Yeah, there's nothing. No, I just feel terrible for him. What? I feel terrible. He's speaking as a football player. And I'm speaking as a football reporter. I feel terrible. Get him next year, Philly. Get him next year. We will. Woods is not a fan of Michael Vick. Or their Eagles. He deserves to, after he pays his dues, he deserves to be back in the workforce. Of course he does. So why can't he do football? He can. Which is what he knows. I know. I know. He should be working at Chevron. Good work, Mike. We'll see you next year, pal. Oh, boy. Well, we have varying opinions here on the show. Hey, this has nothing to do with that. I mean, you know. No. This has nothing to do with that. I'm not a big Eagles guy. Yeah. Yeah, right. Let's see. That's Woods on Sports. Thank you, Woods on Sports. You're welcome, buddy. Let's see. Oh, okay. Didn't tell the story about what happened on Friday. Oh, God. Really? The reason that I didn't tell the story about what happened on Friday is because I didn't necessarily believe the story that happened on Friday. We would make that up. You got your proof, though, didn't you, Mike? Poof's in the pudding. We'll be back.
You don't have to put the number. Oh, wow, you did. I thought I had to sneeze. I didn't. I was able to stifle it. I love sneezing. Jared has createyourdesignonline.com and you need to check it out. It's the greatest. Guy will do your business cards or your website, whatever you need, and make it look sick. He's so good. Createyourdesignonline.com. Check him out today. Let's see. Oh, what's going on in news and sports, Sienna? Well, I'm just going to give you a general overview. If you have not heard about the tragic Arizona shootings over the weekend, on Saturday morning around 10 a.m., a 22-year-old gunman named Jared Loeffner shot.
Congresswoman Gabriel Giffords point blank in the head. She is OK. As of right now, she was rushed to the hospital. And I mean, the bullet went through her temple and out her forehead. Doctors were able to perform emergency brain surgery. They had to remove her skull so that the brain wouldn't swell. But she is awake now and she is able to communicate somewhat, which is an amazing sign. So she is doing well. Meanwhile, Jared, the shooter, is under custody right now of the FBI. he faces five federal charges. Oh, wow. Yeah. Incredible. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, the NFL playoffs were a huge success for TV. The highest preliminary rating for the early Saturday wildcard game in two decades. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was 18.3 with a 33 share. Oh, wow. Which is incredible. And then the New York Jets' last-second victory over the Colts earned the highest rating since the NFL began airing primetime wildcard. primetime wildcard games in 2002. There you go. Insane. Also, really good news right now. Hall of Famer Tony Gwynn has completed his eight-week battery of cancer treatments for malignant growth in his salivary gland.
Hopes to resume his duties as head coach of San Diego State when spring semester starts. He says everything's going great. I don't have an exact answer yet where I stand. I can't say I'm cured. I have an MRI and a CT scan planned for sometime next week. But I feel good. My doctors tell me I'm ahead of schedule. So good for Tony Gwynn. M1 Andrew from Tierra Santa. What was the word of the day? Didn't hear it. You got it. Hang on a line and we will get you all dialed in with that. Tonight's 8 o'clock album. Cage the Elephant. Thank you. Happy birthday. Okay, so Friday morning I'm driving into work. Okay, okay, okay. Now this is something that if you're distracted at all in your car, just stop what you're doing. Turn up the volume. It's a doozy. I was there and I still don't even believe it. Call your friends. I couldn't believe it when I heard it. I didn't need to see the proof. No.
I'm so disturbed by that. I'm driving to work. It's 4.30 and I get a call from Woods and there's an echo. When he called, you could hear this echo. In fact, I'll even try to recreate it for you. It has that era of realism. We're going to do this. Are we doing this? We're doing this. Okay. You ever just throw everything out there? It's a big bus. We're throwing you under it. This is an example of how we do not hold things back from our listeners. Apparently, ever. Woods goes, hey, dude, can you do me a favor? Are you already on your way to work? Oh, I hate the echo. I go, yeah. He goes, I don't like that echo. Oh, I meant in real life when it happens. When you hear it. On the phone, I can't concentrate. It's like, where are you? It's echoing because he was in the bathroom. Yep. Here at the radio station. Yes. And I said, what's going on, pal? He says, I pooped my pants. And I was quiet for a minute. Soak that in. Wait, okay. It did soak in. Hey, Jay. I know, shut up. I know.
Remember that talk? This is an example of when we need to let Mikey steer so we don't get in trouble. I said, really? Wood said, yes. I said, where are you now? At the radio station in the bathroom. I said, what do you want me to do? Can you go to my house and get me a new pair of jeans? Oh my gosh. Sure, I can. I do not want to talk about this on the air. No problem. Really? I will call my wife, Jamie, and tell her to put some jeans out on the front porch. Oh my. Okay. So I turn around and I go there and I get... The pants, they're on the front porch in a Vons bag. He called Mike because Mike lives pretty close and the rest of us were already here. Well, then I got a text from Woods not five minutes later that said, we can talk about it. Yes. And when I got that text, my brain went, hmm. And I started thinking. Something smells suspicious. Something smells suspicious.
And I started thinking, I'm like, what are we doing today? What are we doing on the air today? And I knew we were doing the bit where if Woods or Jay lost, they would have to take these balls to the boys. Out of a pitching machine. Out of a pitching machine. Jay bought a pitching machine that shoots these balls out really fast. It's hard. It hurts. And we decided we were going to point it right at Woods. And I thought, I wonder if Woods is trying to get out of that. And he's like, come up with this story. This harebrained scheme. This like elaborate story. And I'm like, no. So I get to work and Woods meets me outside. Outside the building? Outside the building. Downstairs was in my car. I kept wondering, I was like, wow, Woods must be really late on his audio today. See, it was just Sienna and I in here for a while. I'm like, where the heck is Woods? He was outside. Yep. So I came back in and I'm all disheveled now because it's screwed my schedule all up. Thrown off the routine. You're late. Throwing off the routine. I'm late. So I get here and he walks. I see Woods. The door to the studio is open. He walks out and he says to Jay, and he said, he goes, hey, we have a couple of things that we're doing today. And Woods, he goes, yeah, we got something else too. And I knew he was referring to this story. And I go, I don't want to do it. Because in my head, I'm like, I don't know that I buy it. He didn't believe me.
I don't know that I buy it, and I also don't know how we'll talk about it in the appropriate way without getting in trouble. FCC fines. Right. And so about five, ten minutes later, the door to the studio is open. Jay sits right outside of the studio. Woods walks out, and I hear Woods say, if you want to do it. And I hear Jay say, Why? And I'm looking at Jay. I actually see Jay go, why? And I didn't hear what Woods said as the answer. But what Woods had told Jay was, hey, I'm going to go ahead and talk about this on the air. He had told Jay that earlier. Prior to that. So Jay knew what you had done? What had happened happened. I called Mike. Sienna was here working. I walked in. Didn't sit down. The whole time I was in here. Obviously. I didn't notice. She didn't notice. That he didn't sit down. He didn't tell me anything. He didn't tell Sienna anything. And it's always just the two of us in here for like half an hour. Yep. And so I'm wondering. Then part of my routine is I come in, I do the music for the show, and I already have it done. And so I load the CD. Then always, like clockwork, I go do my audio in the other room, in the other studio, on the other side of the building. Yeah, he comes and says hello to me. I come say hello to Jay every morning. So I told Jay what happened. Jay has been there. He can relate.
You know, probably weekly. That's a guy thing. Probably weekly. I pull Woods over to the room, to the lobby of the station, which is across from our studio. No one's in there. But there's listeners by the elevator. Right. Oh, now this is what was going on. I was like, what are they doing? Yeah. So listeners of the elevator. So you had to pass through the listeners to get to the lobby. To get to the lobby of the station. I'm already changed up. I'm ready to go. And so I go, I suspect something. And he goes, what? I go, I suspect that this isn't true. I go, I think you, do you not want to do the thing like where you get shot and then boys? And he goes, no, dude, no. And I go, then how come you said to Jay, he doesn't want to do it? I don't think he ever said that to me. I never did. He says he didn't. He says, I didn't. And I go, but I heard it with my eardrums. He said, I memorized it. I go, I heard it. I know what I said back, but it's something I can't say on the air. Oh, boy. Weird. Anyway, so Woods is getting very animated. I had no idea. I know you didn't. I know you didn't. And I go, I go, I go, there's people right there. There's people right outside the door that are listeners that are going to be sitting in here. Oh, my gosh. And he's like, dude, I'm telling you.
I'll prove it. Come on, Maki. Maki. Maki. I'll prove it to you. You want to see my dreams? Gross. Gross, gross, gross. And so he goes, I think you misheard. And I go. I think you misheard. I go, I don't think I did. Now, in retrospect, you know, it doesn't matter because Jay did know. He told him. Yeah. Right. Told Jay. Yeah. But anyway. So we have this conversation. And then we've got to come back here and come on the air. And I'm already. This is moments before. Now I'm spun like crazy. You guys got in here at like 5.58. I was like, what are you doing? And I was already like, there were little fires that I was trying to put out. And so. And then going on the air when your mind is somewhere else. Yes. You've got to be like, good morning. It's so difficult. It's so hard. I'm glad I didn't get included in that little rainbow of fun. Rainbow. It was a treat.
So when the show was over and everything wrapped up, we were all, me and Woods and L.O.B. were leaving together. Sienna too, I think. Yeah, I was there. I even asked you in the morning on Friday, Mike, is everything okay? And you're like, yeah, yeah. I'm like, are you sure? Are you good? I go, I was late today. And that made me wonder too because you didn't ask me why I was late. You didn't ask. And I thought that was really unusual because you're the type that would always go, why were you late? Well, I was worried you were going to be like, well, my stomach wasn't feeling good. Something you don't want to know. I didn't want an answer that I didn't want to know. Right, right, right. So we go outside and Woods goes. Well, he told us in the elevator. And I was like, why didn't we talk about that on the air? And I go, because I thought he was making it up. He told Lauren and I after the show on Friday. We had no clue. I thought he made it up because he didn't want to do that bit. So anyway, so we get outside. Very elaborate. It's elaborate. I get a little paranoid, I guess, sometimes when it comes to the...
people that I work with? I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why. I can't figure out why. Starts with an H, ends with an Eth bell. Well, that's one reason. That's not what I was referring to. The people on your show doing things to you. That I don't know about. Keeping Mike out of the loop. Keeping me out of the loop. People on the show. Okay. So we go outside and Woods goes, I'll show you. And I go, okay. And I'm thinking, what's he going to do now? Now he's toast. So throughout the whole show on Friday, you still didn't buy what Woods made you do to go get the jeans. I was vacillating between, there's something wrong with me that I need to get checked out with a psychologist because I don't trust anybody. Did you think in the elevator that... Sienna and I knew, but we're pretending like we didn't know? Not you, but because Sienna had said, because Sienna hadn't asked me. When Mike is thrown off, I always ask him what's wrong. She's able to calm him down and kind of bring him back to center if he's off center. But I wasn't able to do that because even he wasn't buying my concern. I was like...
I know. I'm like, I'm just asking what's wrong. He's looking at Sienna now and he's looking at me and Jay like we're conspiring. I'm like, I'm going to hit the airwaves and they're going to be like, you're not on the show anymore. We have an announcement. We're now the team. We are now the team. We're just the. So I'm like, what's going on? What's going on? What's going on? So anyway, so Woods goes. I'll show you. And I'm like, okay, I'll call this bluff. And he called it. I'm like, all right, let's see. And we went to his truck and he pulled. No. Showed him. Meanwhile, L.O.B. and I are walking out and we're seeing that Mike's like, yeah, dude, show me. And we're like, no. No. He's not. He's looking. No. Do you know what I did? Do you know what I did? Looked. Yeah, I looked. But do you know what I did after I looked? Vomit? Cried? No. Most people would vomit. Most people would cry. Or go, dude! You were relieved. I hugged him. Yes. I did. I hugged him. Big bear hug. I gave him a big bear hug, and I go, I love you, bro. I'm sorry. I go, I'm sorry. You pooped your pants, and you did it right. Yeah, that's right. You pooped your pants, and you did it. You took a pinch like a man. Like a man. Oh, gosh.
Maybe you wear underwear. Well, these jeans that I really love. These that are washed and clean. You're wearing them! They're washed! That's them? Yes! Who cares? I do. Why? I wanted you to incinerate them. I wanted you to pour lighter fluid on them. That's why you forgot to pack them on your trip. They were in the washer. Yeah, they were in the dryer. During quarantine. I can't believe we're talking about this in the air. And after the day I've had, and it was so great, I was getting these wonderful messages. It's all going to go 180 now. But yeah, I was driving to work and I was like, man, this is not good. I've been eating a lot of protein. I'm trying to lose weight. But hold on. I'm not going to go into detail. You are. No, it's not. I thought I was doing something. I know you did. You don't have to. I didn't. You notice I didn't. You notice I didn't. You notice I didn't. It was a little bit of an accident. Don't justify. It's okay, Mike. Just trust Woods. He won't go overboard. He will. I won't go overboard. I know.
We have a dumb button. Yeah, dumb me if you don't like me. But Mikey did. He hugged me and he said, I'm really sorry. Now, what the wildest thing of this whole story was for me was it's weird when somebody tells you, I heard what you said. And you're like, I never said it. Oh, yeah. What I had gone out to, I needed a plug for my phone and I went out to Jay and I leaned over and I go, hey, dude. That's exactly right. I go. I go, do you have a plug over here? And I leaned down. Saw that. I heard that. And then Jay said, that's not the only plug you need. And I said, yeah, you're right. And then he said something else. I go, no, we're not going to do it. We're not going to talk about it. And I said it from in there. When you said that, you were in front of me. And Jay is looking at his computer, doesn't turn from his computer, and I hear him go, why? You thought we were, like, trying to be serious. Like, he's not going to do it. Right. Well, I know it. Oh, okay. And when you gave the – whatever answer you gave to why you had walked into my office and I couldn't hear you anymore. Couldn't hear. Yeah, and it was just like, oh, it's too – we can't really talk about it on the air because it may be actionable was probably the answer. Now, Jay's looking at me like I'm a nutball right now. But –
In reality, it might as well have been, we're going to form our own show. Really? Really? Yeah. And he's going to be out of the loop. And he's not going to find out until the lesbian. I don't know. And see, that's Jay's thing. He is always messing with those arrays or doing stuff. So he is squinting at the thing. He's 70 years old. He can't see. He doesn't hear very well either. He uses a horn to hear what you're saying. He has to turn up. His hearing aid. What? He says the phrase, how's that? How's that? Delicious. That's beautiful. I'm mortified. Mortified that it happened. It's a guy thing. I know a lot of guys that that's happened. Yeah, your husband it's probably happened to. I know of two occasions. There you go. But he wears underwear and can deal with it in the bathroom. Well, my dilemma was this, too. And I'm driving and I go, oh, I got this. I had my workout bag in the back. And I go, you know what I'll do? I'm not going to like it, but I'll do it. I'll just change into my workout stuff. I'll wear it. And everyone will ask me, Woods, why do you have your workout stuff? You never wear your work. I'm going to be like, because I'm going to go right from here to the gym and then go to the airport. Looked in the bag. No workout shoes. Forgot my gym shoes. I would have had workout clothes on and these boots. Had I brought my shoes, this never comes out. You never spin out and think that the whole, you know, we're against you. I don't freak out.
I'm just in workout clothes. We still would have talked about it, though. You wouldn't have been able to keep that in. He would have known. Mike would have known and Jay would have known. But maybe we wouldn't have talked about it. Maybe the whole San Diego wouldn't know that I went doo-doo. We'd make you. It was awful. Please never wear those jeans again. Come on. I'm wearing them every day. I'm so grossed out. Why? I'll just come sit in your lap. You want me to sit in your lap? That's the filthiest. If I had that kind of accident, I wouldn't do the thing again that put me in the accident. What does that mean? It's not the jeans fault. No. Are you at least wearing underwear today? No. Oh, my God. I think what Lauren is trying to say is you don't return to the scene of the crime. You know what I mean? What do you mean? You don't return to the scene of the crime. I don't know what that means. You're wearing the scene of the crime. So what? These are my favorite jeans. You know what? Maybe move on. Yeah. Maybe move on from those jeans. I have to get rid of these jeans? Yes. No. Maybe you do. It's so gross. You know what? Unless every time you wear them. You want us to think one thing, which we will. Every day. Every day. Let's call it what it is. Every time I see those little swirlies on his pockets, I'm going to be like, poop. Yeah. Yeah. Great. This is what I want to know about Edward Cahill, the Russian that sang this song, Trelolo. I want to know when he walked off the stage after this performance, if his manager was waiting.
Who was there to greet him, and was it a grab of the shoulders and a shake like, this was the best ever. I saw several live performances. One, he was younger than this one, and one, it was like easily 30 years later. He hasn't changed the styling of it at all. Even the hand motions are the same. The hand motions and the creepy smile are what sell it. I love it. Well, he knows he's doing a great job, clearly. He knows he's doing a great job, but he also knows I was born for two things, Trilolo and to be an entertainer. I was born to do two things, entertain people, Russians. I was born to entertain Russians and sing Trilolo. Did you read the backstory about it on my blog? I know that he's doing this. You said that it was because he had something that he was in the lyrics that the Russians didn't like. Yeah, it sings about, like, cowboys and freedom. Freedom. And, like, the Wild West and stuff like that. And they were like, oh, no, no, no. You cannot sing in this song. They're like, you're not going to. That's why. You don't sing about this. Yeah, they said he could change the words if he wanted to. And he was like, how about I just vocalize just. That is good. That is good. That will work. This will work. This will work. And it became, like, a hit.
That's a hit. Should have been a musician in Russia. Yeah, now like 40 years later, because this just started hitting the internet this year, 2010. So people are like, tour, tour, tour. And he's like, I don't understand. They make fun of me. Where was everybody 40 years ago? Why do people like so much? I wonder if he doesn't get why we like it. In the Wikipedia article I read, it said that his son doesn't understand if people are making fun of him and like what the big deal is. Of course they are. Well, here's the deal. It's funny. It is funny, but it's like... It's funny. I'm not making... Listen, honestly, I'm not making fun of him. I am. Well, I don't think you really are, though. I'm making fun of that whole scene, like the whole thing of him and the clothes. That's the deal. It's funny. I guess it's not making fun. It isn't making fun. You go, no, I'll explain, and then you go, you're right, or go, no, Mike, you're missing where I'm feeling, what I'm feeling.
I look at it and I go, holy cow, that's right. That's what people used to look and dress like. That's the first thing. Okay. Second thing I go is, holy crap, that dude is not singing any words. He's singing some goofy, like, you know. So are we making fun of that? Well, hang on, hang on. And the third thing that I love about it is that there is a humor in and of itself in the act. Of sharing it on the internet. Yes. Just the act of making it viral makes like, okay, here it is. L.O.B. passed it on to me. The fact that she passed it on to me, before I've even played it, I know something good is about to happen. Yes. Before I've ever pressed play and I've ever seen it, she's passed it on to me and the sentiment is enjoy. Yeah. That's the sentiment. So already I'm geared. Then I press play, and this guy is so serious and is taking Trilolo so serious. Now, what would be making fun, in my opinion, would be if my thought process was, what a douchebag, what a geek, what an idiot. And that is not my thought process. My thought process is...
The whole thing is just funny to look at in here. Yeah, I mean, it's like, you know, the same thing. My favorite kind of humor is when people are taking themselves seriously, and it is kind of lame what they're doing. Remember the Star Wars kid with the lightsaber? Right. I almost died. Yes. I almost died. Because he was like, I'm a freaking Jedi, and I'm going to show you my moves. And he was dead serious. And he didn't think that a million people were going to make fun of him. He thought, it's so good. It's so good. It needs to be chronicled. Yes. It needs to be. Taze on day. Chocolate rain. Another example. Almost fell out of my chair. Now, all the people that you see on American Idol trying out for American Idol, the reason that they make it in those beginning episodes is because they believe that what they're doing is good. That's the reason that it's. It's great. Yeah. Yeah. Now. Touch my body. Same thing. Oh, dude. Perfect example. Touch my butter. Touch my butter. This guy, he's an Asian guy, believed that he was so good at singing Mariah Carey, he posted it on YouTube. And went into a studio. This is in a real studio.
In his head, he's hearing Mariah. Not only is he hearing Mariah, he knows that you will hear Mariah. Yes. Best part. You got to watch out for that. India, we will rock you. I love it. That's the greatest. Now. Sing it. In the same category to me, which Woodsy said it perfectly, he goes, it's very difficult for me to access that part of my brain, is this type of humor, which is cousins of that type of humor that we just played you. They're cousins. They're not the same, but they're related. And that is the person that does something to try to sort of...
recreate that. And the way that they do it is you don't know who they are. They're nameless. They're sort of faceless. You don't know who they are. And so they present something that you are to believe is them believing that they're good. She writes about it in her book. Read it. We had an interesting conversation about this, Mike and I, because for as big as an enigma as L.O.B. is, Mike, he's a puzzle too. And I asked him, I said, he goes, Woodsy, I love abstract. He goes, I love abstract art. I love abstract humor and comedy. And I looked at him and I go, but you hate abstract music. And he looked at me like.
Oh, wow. You got me. No, I said immediately. I said, absolutely. Absolutely. You got me. And I was like, I don't understand. Like music for me, if I'm going to listen to music, it has to have a melody. For comedy, for me, it's got to have that story kind of behind it. It has to make sense. Yes. Being funny just because it sounds weird or whatever never appealed to me. My guys were prior in Dangerfield. Quick. funny, dirty even. And see, I like that too. Right. I like that too. I like all of it. What was your bit? Mikey said something to me that I almost fell out of my chair. The abstract music. Oh, I said, not only do I not like abstract music, but I don't believe that anybody that says that they like abstract music. Really does. I believe that. I believe that they're saying that they do because it makes them appear to be very Lisa Loeb. Knowledgeable Lisa Loeb. I've been thinking about that since you said it. And I'm driving and I'm going, he may be right. There is some stuff out there. But it depends on what you define as abstract. There's a band that Garrett played for me one time.
to see if we can find it at some point and play it. It's called Coco Rosie. Oh, you don't like Coco Rosie? Oh, you don't like Coco Rosie. I like some of it. I like some of it as well. Mikey, I listened to it and went, holy crap, you've never heard anything so weird. Coco Rosie, it's one word. He's going to look for it. I've got the whole thing at home. I have it on my computer right here. I think that's a bit, and I think I was starting to fall into that bit. When I met Jay and L.O.B., and Jay put all this weird stuff on my iPod, I've since deleted all of it because I can't listen to it. Band of Horses? No, I love that. But it's so abstract. Yeah. I love it. That I was like, oh, wow. I need to be able to sing along. I need to be able to hum it. You've got to be a melody. And like when I said to you, I don't believe that anybody that says that they like it likes it. I believe that everybody that says that they like all that stuff. In reality, they really do like Bon Jovi living on a prayer. I bet you do. He likes it. I bet you know every freaking word of living on a prayer. Look at my iPod. If I liked it, it would be in my iPod. Not necessarily. When it comes on at a wedding, do you not walk out? I don't want to tap my foot to it. You're a liar. I believe that's not true. Here's Coco Rosie. Yeah, I like this song.
Oh, my God. If there was a melody, I might not have an issue. Like the voice, whatever. Like a sickly 11-year-old. There's way worse. All I need is a melody. That one is listenable. All right. I'll let this one buy cocoa. Like you're going to put that on in your car and go. I have. I have three words. Get over yourself. That's what I hear. I agree. Immediately I go get over yourself. That's no Miley Cyrus. That would be perfect music at like an art gallery or like an opening of something where it's in the background and it kind of makes you feel hip. You know what I'm saying? It made me uncomfortable. And I wanted so much to like it. I think you just hit on it. Snow Carpenters. I believe that there are people.
I believe this with every ounce of my being. I believe that there are people that require music to make them feel hip. Or there's just an ambience. If that were playing at a Moroccan restaurant or a new restaurant that opened and there was the right lighting and everything, I'd be like, yeah. Take the voice away. The music's okay. Take the voice out and the ambient music, fine. Who is singing that? Boy, girl, child. It's a little over the top. I wouldn't necessarily go out and buy it, but when I hear it somewhere, I'm like, this is interesting. Or for a soundtrack. Well, the conversation started because we were talking about humor. And what our type of humor is. And I am. I'm a fan of abstract humor. I couldn't get enough of this. I love it. I just want to hang myself. I love it. I crave it.
It's because you wrote that, Jay. Yeah. That's me on the horse. Now listen to this. It's a bit strange. Yeah, it's not strange yet. Nothing. See, I need backstories and stuff like that. It does nothing. It makes me look at people that like it and I'm like... There's something wrong with your brain. Because that ain't funny. I mean backstory. Mikey would play it and then it would be a long time before he'd play it again. When he played it again, I was always like, yes. And I mean. I like the sit on you. Nothing. Sit on you. Great one. This is what I do. I sit on you. Sit on you. Sit on you. Oh, wow. Easy. I'll do. You'll crush him. Right on your lap. This is what I do. I sit on you. Sit on you. Sit on you.
This is what I do. I sit on you. Right on your head. Ooh. This is what I do. This is what I do. This is what I do. Sit on you. This is what I do. Sit on you. Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit on you. What I love about it even more is I love that it takes itself seriously. And then what would make it better for me is James Lipton going, we are being joined by Tim and Eric. Ooh. brought us Sit on You and Horse and Buggy Ride. I wanna know. And who could forget Beach Blast. Beach Blast! I love it. I like Woods' face. Fake bit. You're being abstract guy. Woods is like, what? A summer that we'll never forget. All over Malibu. Oh, my God. There will be so much to do. I could do that in my sleep. They just arrived at the shore. See, I would love to do a part of a movie. Here's the thing, though. There's an art to sounding serious. There's an art to sounding serious. And if you did it, it would be so obvious that you were doing a bit.
Try it, Woods. Because when you first heard this, Woods, you thought she was serious. Snooki wrote a book. Yes. I did too, actually. Really? Yeah. She has a poof and little short boots and really knows how to cook up her party with Snooki. Snooki. She writes about it in her book. Read it. Part of the joy for me... Buy it. Buy it. Buy it. Part of the joy for me is listening and... myself being a part of it by taking it seriously i get to become a part of it by going yeah that's good yeah you're good you're very very good i just it's such a i just i'm trying to dig into the recesses of my brain to see if there's any part of me that's like okay i get it i don't get it
I don't understand. Don't Tim and Eric sing the Pumpers Like the Pumpers song? And would you like that song? I do like Pumpers Like the Pumpers. There's a few. Because that's got like a beat and like a melody. It's kind of cool. I think that you would like any of them that made sense. Like you don't like them when there's nothing about it that makes any sense to you. You don't like it. But you do. I think you liked. And in fact, I know you did. Because when I played it, you were like, oh, that was because the words and everything made sense. And it was funny. Yeah, that's funny to me. I thought of you and your petite feet. Yeah. See, because this is well produced. Yes, it sounds good. That's why he likes it. Same with Pumpers Like the Pump. Can I do another one for you? See how you... Oh, I'm studying you now. Now I need to know. I'm going to figure you out. And I feel like the plebeian guy that's like...
Idiotic comedy. Listen to Bill Maher. Listen to Bill Hicks if you want real comedy. I feel like that guy, but I guess that's kind of who I am. I like it in context. It's like EBW songs. If you didn't hear the backstory of it, I'd be like, I don't get it. I don't get it. It's too good. Let's see. Try another one on you and see what you think. It's a love song. This is going out to all the lovers. The endless life you put on. That's funny. Oh, I love it. I love it. I love it. This is another Tim and Eric song. This is a real song. Oh, L.O.B. knows. Oh, yeah. She knows. Thonged up real good. Bottle of Lysol in her hand. Just dusting it up with Pledge. Cleaning it up real good. They now have games.
that are playable at the urinal. Nice. Tell you all about it next. That's going to be a story that I will tell 20 years from now. Only words. Do you know what happened? I just saw you guys busted up in there. I have no idea. In the poor girl's face. Oh my gosh. Are you sure that she heard? I don't know that she heard, but I explained to her while we were laughing. You did explain? I said we were just listening to a song with explicit lyrics. Sorry. Very. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Excuse me. Define we. Woods is like, this is funny. Hey, let me tell you what I think is funny. And so he's got his computer and he starts playing this Adam Sandler bit that is filthy.
It's filthy. It's the filthiest. It's the filthiest thing I've ever heard. It's an actual song. And the door to the studio swings open. My back's to it. Woods doesn't know it. Woods doesn't know it. And the filthiest word that you can imagine. Sentence. The filthiest sentence you can imagine comes out of his computer and Woods goes. And who's standing at the door? Our general manager. bringing in a salesperson that's brand new to introduce us to. And I go, Woods, Woods, Woods, Woods. I wonder what was going on. Oh, my gosh. It was the most disgusting sentence. Oh, my gosh. That's out there. And Woods is like, oh. Even Woods was like, oh, hi. Hi. How are you? I got so hot. And it was a woman. And she goes, I was listening this morning, and I just wanted to say congratulations on, you know. Adoption. Your adoption and everything. And I go. He's quite a grown-up, isn't he?
Yep. Holy cow. Because we were cracking up. I was like, oh, we're not laughing at you. I'm so sorry. I don't think that they heard. I don't think that they heard, but they probably were like, why am I so funny? I just started working. What am I, a clown? I'm here to amuse you. Woods, Woods, Woods, Woods. I'm like, what, what? He's like, yeah, what? Meanwhile, in the background, it's like, bad word, bad word, bad word. Woods is like, what? Dirty, dirty. What? Only, only Woods. The kid is electric. Tell you what. It's one in a million. Oh, my heart hurts. Mike used to keep a journal of things that he was going to talk to Woods about later. My goodness. Through the journal out. Too many. It was filled. You had to get another one. Oh, that was funny. All right. I loved it. 5701949. I loved it. I loved it. Sienna. Yeah. What is the deal with the Japanese urinals? Oh, yeah. Really? I was so distracted. That's what we're doing? My abs. Okay. Oh, man. No true story. This is like I'm at work right now. Yeah. This is your job. This is what you do. This is what you do to make money. All grown up. All right. Okay. The Japanese are now in stoiling. In stoiling. In stoiling. In stoiling. A toy. Let.
That's what it's called, T-O-Y. Toilet. Toilet. It's called Toilet, and basically the urinals, they're trying this at a few different popular public places, metro locations, where they're going to have these little flat screens at the urinal, so while the men are going, they can watch the flat screens, and these flat screens will have different games on them. Okay. Would you like to hear about some of the games? Like Frogger? No, they're a little bit different. Dude, I know you're trying to hit high score, but I gotta go. I gotta go. you're going to want to play them as well and take a while. But it's not like a video game that you're used to. It has to do with urine and the pressure of it hitting. The urinal. Really? Yeah. It's like the thing at the fair that you take the hammer and boom. Or that you blow the balloon up with a water gun. That sounds fun. Okay. Now, it sounds great. I want girls to have this. Yeah. Okay. Well, it says each urinal is installed with a pressure sensor. An LCD screen is mounted on the wall above, which is going to let the gamer select from and play. And play from four.
different mini games. Now, these are short games. Can Jay and Adam, our promotion director, can they link up on a network and play each other? No, but they can be at the urinals next to each other and compete. Wow. That's rad. Oh, my God. Okay. Now, there's one of the games that's called Mannequin Pies. Of course. Mannequin. Okay. It says it simply measures how hard you can pee. That's the part of that game. Then there's Graffiti Eraser, which lets you remove paint by pointing a hose in different directions. I like that one. All the way in on that. Then there's another game called The Northern Wind, The Sun, and Me, where you can play as the wind trying to blow a girl's skirt up, and the harder you pee, the harder the wind blows. Wow. Wow. I'm speechless. It's brilliant. Now there's another one. Japanese, man. They got it going on. No, it's a urinal. You get that for free if you go to there. It doesn't say anything about payers. You want the brand of the game at home or something. What other reason? Probably advertising mixed in. You'd get a lot of people to go there for that reason. I'd go to a place that had that. It'd be fun. The last game is called Battle Milk From Nose. It's a multiplayer game where you can compete against the person who last used the urinal. I guess you're not next to them, but you get the last person scored and you want to beat it.
That's an interesting, like, how does that get pitched to somebody? You know what I mean? Like, I got this brilliant idea. You did? What is your name, sir? Where did you get the inspiration for this? on the pee-pee, right? That's true, since you're a little kid. Me too. I would hope so. I put the two together and it's going to make me a millionaire. What? Millionaire. I say yes. It's going to make me a millionaire. Millionaire. Yeah, he's just throwing in a couple extra syllables. And so we're going to try to do that and then if it work out,
Dave and Buster. Perfect. If everything go as... You should do it... As a what? As a param. What about like a karaoke bar? As a param? As a param? No, if everything go as param. Oh, it's plan. I did not get that. Plan. A what? Dave and Buster's. Yeah, right. Dave and Buster. It will be next if it goes according to plan. Have you thought about the karaoke bar? That's what I say. Second phase. Second phase of Toilet. Toilet. Wait, okay, but are you ever going to include girls in this fun? I cannot tell you that. Why? It's my secret. Oh, bye now. Oh, wow. That was brief. I do appreciate his calls. At least we know. Now we know. That was a belief.
That was very belief. Very belief. Belief little call. Belief car. Let's see. You guys want to play Name That Tune? Do we have time? Let's play Name That Tune. Let's do it. Call us right now. 570-1949. Now you're going to pick me, Sienna Woods, or L.O.B. And what is the theme today, Jay? It's crazy. Songs with crazy in them. Okay, cool. Songs with crazy in them. And we've got angel or anarchy sunglasses to give away. Yes! Yep. Now this... That brings a little bit different thing to the table because usually all we need to provide is title or artist. I agree with you. I was going to say something, but I didn't want to derail it. No, I think it's just crazy. It's not always the title, but it's in the song. The word crazy is in the song. Also maybe in the title? Maybe. But what about if that is the title? Yeah, because it's not very fair for us. Crazy! We would have to know the singer as well. We should have to know the artist. You should give me the artist on all of them. Okay, cool. Let's go artist. All right, cool. 5701949, you're going to pick me, Sienna, Woods, or L.O.B. I will tell you right now, Sienna, Woods, and L.O.B. are the most competitive people. I've given up.
You have? I used to be. She's a scorekeeper. When I know one, I will jump up with excitement because I know one, not because I'm beating them. Okay. L-O-B and Woods practically rip each other's throats off. We're better, though. Yeah. You've gotten better. Oh, yeah. You've gotten better. You used to not talk to each other for the rest of the show. Exactly. My money's on Mikey today. All right. Fine. M1, Mr. Dodgeball from San Diego, who would you like to select? I'll take Woods. Attaboy. Hang on the line. M1 Castillo from Escondido. Who do you want? Sienna. All right. I love you, too. Hang on the line. I have your jersey. M1 Jason from Poway. Who do you want? Hey, guys. I'll take a little beat. There you go. Hang on the line. Two weeks in a row. And M1 Desiree from San Diego. You've got me. They've been stuck with Mikey two weeks in a row. That's right. Yeah, two weeks in a row. That is the second week. Hang on the line, okay?
Are you there, Desiree? I'm Desiree. Desiree. I'm sorry, Desiree. Well, you got me. Just make up names. I'm sorry for two things. She's happy about it. Okay. You're a great player. Are you happy, Desiree? Yeah. Okay, good. All right. Artist. Artist. We got to have artist. Artist. The theme is crazy. Artist. Artist. Here we go. What? Is that me? Yep. That's Fine Young Cannibals. That is crazy. Quarter every second faster. Here we go. Woods. The Ramones? Oh, wow. Woods, two, the rest of us, zero. Come on, guys. Get on the board. I got it. I got it. Woods. Billy Idol. Never heard that. What was that? I don't know. It's called cyberpunk. It just got crazy in it. What was it? Mr. Roboto dance? Yeah, you just popped it. You know that. Mikey. Mikey. Paul Simon. Yes. Very good. Start it. Woods, three, Mike, one.
Sublime? I almost guessed that. Have I heard it? Nope. It's Woods 3, Lauren 1, me 1? Yes. Woods. R-E-M? Dang it! Wow, that was a show. Oh, gosh, I knew it. How? Did you? I did. Yeah, that was an easy one. Here we go. Woods. Woods. Seal. I got you. Wow. I got you by hair. Really? I got you by hair. I got you by hair. Oh, my gosh. I got you by just the slightest wood. The shock on Lauren's face when I said wood. The score is wood's five. Lauren and Mike won. Dang it. Sienna's already won the game. Okay, keep going. Here we go. Lauren. Lauren. Bernie Spears. Dang it. The one I would know. You knew it. Not going to let go of that other one.
Oh, boy. No. I'll beat you by two. We're going to hear about it. Oh, 100%. I'm going to beat you by two. I'm going to listen to podcasts when I get on. Listen on. That's what I get. I never do. Don't you? Mikey! Patsy Cline. Dang it! Written by Willie Nelson. Oh, sure. You should tie half your brain behind your back. What? Very good. I'm so upset. You guys are so fast. Dang it. Two left. What's the score? Maybe I'll win here. The score is Mike, one. Lauren, three. Woods, six. Six! These next two are three-pointers. Yes! For God's sake. Yes! All right, let's go. Here we go. Woods. I think it was Woods. No! Actually, I'm going to be honest. Lauren got me.
Lauren's so quiet. I can't really hear you. It was very... My volume's down. You gotta speak up. You're not even on your microphone. I don't do anything different. They're even. I'll give it to Lauren because I'll be honest. Charles Barkley. Yep. How did I not get that? So now we're tied. Sienna, Sienna. She got you. I know. Trust me, she got you. I'm freaking... I will be honest. I was honest. He said Woods. I gave it to a little bitch. Sienna just threw her headphones off. Threw her bed across the room. I planned for it. She got you. She did get you. She did get you. This one should be worth a hundred. She did get you. Oh, she's done. She is jacked it out. She is jacked it out. She's leaving the studio. Leaving the studio. It's Woods six. Lauren six. Is it really? Lauren fake six. Mikey one. Oh, I've lost on a fake one. Make this a seven pointer. Here we go. Seven pointer. Mikey. Lauren. Mikey. Oh, Lauren got it? I think Lauren got it. You said my name. Okay, Lauren. Beyonce. Fake win. Another one in the books. Another fake win. L-O-B won! All lost as a fake point. She got you fair and square. I never have won on a fake win. Yeah, you have. I win fair and square. And when Jason? Yes, I'm here. L-O-B won for you, pal. Awesome. She killed it. Thank you. It's not my fault Jay changes the points. I know. It's the worst bit. Hang on, bro. All right. Hang on the line. Very well done. You did get Tiana on that one. I'll be honest. I can have a good ear for these things. Because you guys know how quick my brain works. I can hear it.
Something in your brain happens a quarter second faster. Maybe I should start planning the name that tunes and be the guy that calls out who gets it. Santa just walked back into the studio with a look of disgust. And a bag of apples. On her face. We got you. She got you. Before Jay... I'm eating apples because I'm so mad. I need somebody to calm me down. Before Jay even played that clip, I said, no matter what, I'm going to say Norris Barkley immediately and it's going to be crazy. And somehow you beat me. Lauren got you. 570-1949 is our number. When we come back, the topic is it's 2011. Why haven't we figured this out yet? We'll tell you what we mean next. Back in the days of San Diego's The Mighty 690, this song played every hour and a half. I loved it. Still love hearing this. Brings back great memories. Oh man, this is Southern California. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, KG Elephant. Thank you, happy birthday. What did people think they were saying? Arnie the Seal. Arnie the Seal, yep. Or Ollie the Seal, sorry. Ollie the Seal. And I can't remember, a bunch of people thought that it said stuff that it didn't. It's 2011, why haven't we figured this out yet? And when we were talking about this in the meeting, about doing this as a topic...
Somebody suggested football helmets, but I don't remember why. You said... I think it was me. It was about concussions. What have we not figured out? Concussions. The fact that they can't build a helmet that will protect you. That will protect you from concussion. It's true. Well, but for the minute amount of concussions there are... Are there? Well, compared to... This season seemed like crazy. Think about it, though. Put it in perspective. There's a lot more hits. that go on concussion-free, then there are concussions. A lot more. I mean, exponentially more. So for the one concussion a game, as opposed to these guys are hitting each other full speed for 60 minutes, you get one concussion, that ain't bad. The deal is, though, that a concussion is really bad for you. Yeah, and I don't think that the helmet's necessarily there to stop the concussion. Isn't it there to stop for heads from splitting open? Because a concussion is your brain bouncing. And so you can, I mean, the NFL, college football, peewee football is hard hitting. You use your head a lot. For those that don't know, by the way, a concussion, picture an egg. A concussion is the yolk slamming against the shell of the egg. And when that happens, when your brain does that to your skull, it does damage to your brain. Long term. Yeah, long term damage. It's like they've come up with a Kevlar vest that will stop a bullet, but they can't.
make a helmet that can stop your brain from getting squished. Send people to the moon. Yeah, send people to the moon. It does surprise me that there is not some material. Yeah, there's got to be something. That's been developed that sits inside the helmet that you can knock your head as hard as you can. And concussions, by the way, they happen when you slam a player to the ground. Because the helmet is moving so fast, but your head stops instantly. How about an airbag for your helmet? When it's hit at a certain speed, it doesn't have to be big. But the force of the airbag would hit your head. It'd just surround it. What about an afro? Nah, it wouldn't work. No? You'd have to be one heck of an afro. Like a bushy afro. Big bushy afro. Why can't they get a saran wrap? That works. Yeah. I freaking hate saran wrap. That's why you guys should use foil. It's more environmental. I do. I use foil, but there's some things when you need saran wrap. What the heck do you need it for? I don't know. Covering up cookies? I don't know. And brownies? You can't do that with...
Foil? You can. That's why I use Tupperware. But a nice saran wrapped plate of cookies. Looks nice. You can see what kind it is. You see through it. Yeah. I never have ever felt saran wrap works. Saran wrap? It doesn't. I'm like a little kid with like plate all over my fingers. I'm like, I don't, I can't even. It won't cut. I hate it. The worst thing about saran wrap is ripping it and it folds into each other. Immediately. Immediately. Immediately. I know. And then you spend five minutes trying to get it into one piece. You need like two people to help you. One person to stretch and the other person to rip. That's exact. If you're a tandem, you got it made. I mean, you pull, they pull and hold their side. Then you both stretch it over the plate of cookies and under. I don't believe it works. I believe that it's the worst. I mean, it's like not putting anything. People have figured it out, though. What's the purpose? My grandmother can do it. Well, when I worked at the restaurant, I would give stuff to the cooks and be like, can you wrap this up? We have like a leftover plate of pickles. And it would come back and it would be like, hermetically sealed and tight. And then when I tried to do it, I'd end up with it like a spider web all over my hand. And then it was all shredded at the end. Sorry. It's a mess. Is there anything else we haven't figured out? And you can call us, 5701-949. How about the clear packing tape? Where are you supposed to, the starter for the clear packing tape? Oh, you can't find it. I use my teeth. I can't even find it. If you get a dispenser, the dispenser works. Yeah, I've got a dispenser. But sometimes when it falls off, you're like, I got one.
Why have we not figured out those incredibly hard plastic casings that if you buy an electric razor, they come in that thick. You did. You gave me those special scissors. Those special scissors are the only thing that work. They work, right? Why don't we just change the packaging instead of inventing special scissors to get through the packaging? Well, they don't want you to be able to steal it in the store. And they want it. to keep all the pieces together so that you see the display. That's how it is with toys, why they're in that packaging so it doesn't fall apart. It's so wasteful, isn't it? It's so wasteful. When you cut that plastic, it becomes a razor blade. Oh, for sure. Oh, it's so dangerous. Oh, yeah. You cut that stuff, it pierces you like a sword. Guys in prison use those as shanks. It should just be encased in a cardboard box and then on display it's got a thin piece of plastic so it doesn't fall out. I'm down. I'm in. What about Jenna? She was eating an orange yesterday, and she was like, can you peel this? And I was like, oh. That's a beating. That's the worst. I had to start with my teeth, and then there should be a machine. I have something that works for an orange, and my grandmother taught it. Wood's family secret. Pass down. A spoon. A spoon. Next, bring an orange and a spoon in tomorrow, and I'll show you how to peel an orange. Two seconds.
Wow. Badass. Real good? Real good. I feel like juice will get everywhere. No, it doesn't. And it gets right next. You don't get any of that rind or skin on your orange. I hate it. It's clean, dude. It's clean. There's nothing better than an orange that's been peeled with no white rhino. It's the best. Those little cuties, they're pretty easy. Those are easy. How about a hard-boiled egg getting the shell to start? Some people know secrets for that. If you roll it. You just keep tapping it until it's completely shattered. I can't even boil it. But sometimes it won't even peel off. It sticks to the white skin. It does. I hate the white skin. Don't you guys just brush it like you're... No, but I don't want the tiniest bit of shell on my egg or else it's ruined for me. Yeah, I agree. That's like biting into a piece of sand. I just gave myself the Hebrew juice. So gross. And your molars. Imagine biting into a piece of sand with your molars. With a cavity. What about like...
Why isn't there like a zit cream or a weight loss pill or something that is like not bad for you and you put on your zit and 15 minutes later it's gone? Toothpaste. Toothpaste, they say, but it's a myth. It's a myth. No, I've done it. Why don't you just burn it and be gone? I've tried the toothpaste. You have? You have to do the paste, not the gel. And hey, you know what? I'm thinking it's 2011. Why does, how can we still have zits? How do they not have a pill? How do they not have a zit pill that's safe, that you take, you'll never have... Like, your kid can start taking... If you have a history of zits, and you have a kid, and both you and your husband have a history of zits, your kid starts to take this at 10, it's completely safe, and they never get zits. It should be included in your multivitamin. Yes! Zit! There's a zit vitamin... Vitamin Z. Yeah, vitamin Z. From A to zit. From A to zit. That's what the commercial would be. I think you'd have, like, other problems if you did that. That's what I'm saying. Why can't it just be a healthy one? Right. A good one. Figure it out. Once you fix one thing in the body, you kind of ruin something else. That's what I figured out about medicine. I would love for scientists to figure out a way to make fat in food healthy so that I can eat in and out.
And feel so good about myself. Wouldn't that be great? Because I love to eat. Yes, I do too. Food tastes so good and all the good ones are real fattening. I always think, why can't you make like... Why can't you make ice cream that's good for you? Why can't I sit down and it tastes like the ice cream I have at home, but no, it tastes just like the good stuff? Cookies and cream, dryers. And you eat it and you're like, oh, I feel better. I got more energy. You can go work out after. Fat shouldn't be a thing in 2011. Yeah. We should have progressed to a point where it just doesn't matter anymore. The good fat, though. We need the good fat. That's true. Avocado, olive oil. M1DP from Dana Point. Yes. Josie. Yo. Bro, I just want to congratulate you on your weekend. Thank you, brother. I am a father, but anyone can have a child, and you already have this confidence in you, and I just wish the best for you, and I can already hear that you're going to be an awesome dad. Thank you, man. I look forward to it every day. What's he meant there? The birth mother over the weekend, so it was a big, big weekend. Thank you very much. The baby will be born. March. Connor Patrick. Yep.
CP. CP. 5701949 is our number if you want to give us a call. Did we miss anything? Stuff in 2011 that how come they haven't figured this out yet? There's a million more. I wish that wearing Velcro sneakers to work out in would be cool because my shoelaces always come untied. Double knot. You've got to get to that point where you just don't care. I want to wear Velcro shoes. To wear Velcro? She cares. You can't. Dude, I do. I saw a guy yesterday in the airport with Velcro shoes on. He was about my age. And I looked at him and I was like, I mean, they were a designer. They were like black. And I looked at him and I was like, Velcro? Maybe he's developmentally disabled. He wasn't. He was not. I'm not mad at it. He had a sharp jacket. He was like a businessman. I could do it. And I look down and I go, you got Velcro shoes on. I want to not be judged by wearing them. Oh, you'll be judged. Because my shoelaces constantly come untied. Do you double knot? I'll double knot them for you. I want this. I'll build you a Sailor's knot. Here's what I want. I want cars that have DirecTV in them. And if you go over 65 miles an hour, it shuts off.
And so you're not safe. You know what I mean? Like I want it to be safe. But you're watching TV. Okay, hang on. Then how about this? I knew that you would say that. So how about this? How about we create cars that work on some sort of radar? And if you get too close to another car, it breaks for you. And so you can ride in the driver's seat. You could ride the passenger seat. You could ride in the back seat. You could ride wherever you want. You tell it where you want to go. It goes by GPS. It ends accidents. And you can work on a laptop in your car where you're going to work. I think that will happen. I would not be surprised. Yeah. In our lifetime, I think that could happen. Wouldn't that be great? It would be so much safer to just be like, and then if you need to stop, then the driver takes control to go to like a store, like an unexpected stop. No more DUIs? But yeah, it should be. No more DUIs. I have a news story from CNN, the future of cars, drivers not needed, and says by 2030, at the low cost of $10,000, there are these little cars that look like big scuba divers helmets saying you won't need a driver and that will do exactly that. That's amazing. It'll be funny because our kids will.
Our kids' kids, probably, would go, Grandpa used to actually drive. Yeah, right. He would drive. With two hands on the wheel. Two hands on the wheel. What'd you do with your feet? Yeah. Didn't your leg get tired? Random thought. I do not. We'll do this as a topic at some point. I don't know how to. This would be a good topic, so save this one. Oh, that's good. Jail be like, Jail be like. I wrote it down. Oh, that's funny. That's what I have for the meeting. I had it on my list. I don't know how to. I don't know how to. I don't know. I realized this this weekend. I don't know how to play chess. Me neither. I don't either. You just realized that? I can play checkers, but not chess. I can't even play checkers, really. I don't know how to play chess. I want to know how to play chess. Yeah, I'd like to learn because it's such a mental game and it sounds so... Develops the brain. I don't want to know how. I don't either. It's one of those things I'm fine with never knowing how to play. I'll be like, I don't know how to play. It's a great excuse to get out of it. I don't want to stay for four hours and just sit and stare at a board. But when you're older...
They have those parks where people are like live. Yes. Yes. I had this. I had this image. We went to Balboa Park this weekend and I started to daydream. Weird. I know. And this was my daydream. My daydream was that it's the house that we live in now. Only we have converted the house so that I've built myself a little theater like our friend Dan Fields has in his house. He converted his garage. He converted his garage into a theater. Wow. It's beautiful. And so I pictured myself much older, retired. My kids are in college. And I'm wearing a pair of those glasses that you buy at CVS. You just buy them. Yeah. They don't need a prescription. They just help you see better glasses. Magnifiers. Readers. Readers. I'm sitting there in my pair of readers. I'm sitting in the theater, not watching a movie. I'm just reading. I've got a light on. I'm just sitting there reading. If I want to later, I'll play chess. If I want to. That's your daydream? Dude. Way different than my daydream. Oh my gosh. I want that at like a lake house. Way different daydreams. Way different. Way different. I'm sitting there pantsless.
This is a nude woman on my lap. That's one. Yeah, that's one of them. Don't have that data. Two nude women. Do not have that data. No chess pieces involved. There's not? You're not wearing readers? There's a piece. No, I'm not wearing readers. I'm nude wearing readers, and that's it. She's just a pawn in your lap. She's a pawn in my game. Oh, man. Hillary, what are you? They're pretty similar. Yeah, they are actually almost identical. Identical. Woods is the king. Yes, I'm the king. What do you got coming up, Hill? Well, I grabbed the XX. I got so many requests for this band recently. So I grabbed the XX, New Broken Bells, The Clash, Black Keys. Did you see them on SNL? Start with some Radiohead. No! They killed. And I mean killed. They were so good. Black Keys! Let's see. M1, Maiden fan from Penasquitos. What's up? Mikey, why do you want to work on a laptop when you're driving? Don't you get enough work at your work? No. There was a study done. We are working more now with our technology than ever. I love it, though. It's supposed to give us more freedom, but I have friends that cannot get away from their job because the stupid handheld device. Accessibility. I love laptopping, though.
If you're the CEO, I can understand that. But if you're just a worker, come on now. It's fun. Enjoy your family. Amen. With that one. I disconnect almost every weekend. I do not ever disconnect. I disconnect. I don't. I don't either. Wait till your kid comes along. Oh, I know. You'll be forced to. I can't disconnect. If I disconnect, then I'm going to have 80,000 things. All right. My days are full. Yeah. Catch up. All right, the lovely and talented Hillary is up next, and we will see you again tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. Enjoy the rest of your day, and the Mikey Show's out. Later.