The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 01/12/12
Thursday, January 12, 2012
provocative comedyon air pranksvictim blamingJets locker roomChargers stadiumBurning ManTebow playoff betpersonal hygienepregnancy photosstock investingodd food habitsradio
Ricky Gervais defended provocative comedy by arguing that offense is taken, while insisting comedians must be able to defend every joke and sleep with their consciences. Mikey, Woods, Lauren O'Brien, and Jay repeatedly escalated personal bits, from Jay pantsing Woods and absorbing retaliation to a Tim Tebow wager involving a nightie, a toupee, oysters, and Jay's unwashed armpits. Nancy Grace threw John Ludwig off her show for blaming Joran van der Sloot's victim, and the crew separately debated anonymous Jets attacks on Mark Sanchez and whether Mayor Sanders's billion-dollar Chargers stadium could justify its cost. Joe Terranova urged listeners to research companies, cap losses, use ETFs, and sell when confidence disappears, before the hosts veered back into comic arguments about Burning Man, nude pregnancy photos, hygiene, and Lauren blowing on cold yogurt.
What happened, in order
Gervais on Offense
Ricky Gervais argued that offense is taken rather than given, but said comedians still must defend their jokes and live with their consciences.
The Pantsing Feud
Jay pantsed Woods during the national anthem, prompting Woods to kick him hard and later punch him in the butt while both men argued over who still owed retaliation.
Nancy Grace Cuts the Mic
Nancy Grace ordered John Ludwig off the air after he blamed Joran van der Sloot's murdered victim for confronting the suspected killer instead of leaving.
Jets Turn on Sanchez
Woods described anonymous Jets players calling Mark Sanchez lazy, entitled, and unfit to lead, while teammates such as Nick Mangold condemned them for hiding their names.
The Billion-Dollar Stadium
The hosts split over Mayor Sanders's proposed billion-dollar Chargers stadium, with Mikey touting jobs, Super Bowls, and civic pride while Lauren questioned blackouts, demand, and public spending.
Woods Chlorinates by Smell
Woods admitted he treated his hot tub by sight and smell, then sat in over-chlorinated water until his skin burned and the fumes made him sick.
Jay Plans Burning Man
Jay priced a return to Burning Man and recalled mud, loincloths, mushroom burgers, and a 15-minute padded-sword fight required to pass into the camp.
The Tebow Bet
Mikey and Woods turned Tim Tebow's playoff chances against Tom Brady into wagers involving a Tebow nightie, a bad toupee, raw oysters for completed passes, and licking Jay's unwashed armpits if Denver won outright.
Underwear and Poo Fingers
A survey about people rewearing underwear became a hygiene trial in which the crew branded Woods 'Poo Fingers' for sometimes rinsing without soap after using the bathroom.
Nude Pregnancy Photos
An M1's complaint about his wife's planned nude pregnancy photos triggered an argument over whether such pictures are meaningful private memories, strange displays, or future embarrassment for the children.
Buy High, Sell Higher
Joe Terranova told Mikey that ordinary investors should research earnings calls, define losses before buying, use ETFs for broad themes, and abandon stocks when the confidence story breaks.
Lauren Blows on Yogurt
Woods caught Lauren O'Brien blowing on cold Greek yogurt, and she confessed that a childhood soup habit makes her blow on nearly anything eaten with a spoon, including cereal and ice cream.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLauren O'BrienJayRicky GervaisNancy GraceJohn LudwigJoran van der SlootMark SanchezNick MangoldRex RyanPeyton ManningMayor SandersTim Tebow
34,041 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Citizens of Earth. It's a Mikey show. Broadcasting to you live from Mission Valley, California. And to all of you armed forces in the USO listening abroad, Bob Hope will come out and entertain you all with a bit of comedy. I'm Mike. That's Woodsy. It's L-O-B. It's Jay. And Nicole is our phone screener. How about that? So, I don't know. Anything else you want to talk about? Call us right now if you do. We've got plenty of time, and I'll talk to you about whatever. You guys want to talk about? 570-1949. That's the number. Want to talk to you. Want to text us? 949mikey at gmail.com. It's pretty easy. Okay, so here's a couple of things we could talk about right now. Ricky Gervais is going to be hosting the Golden Globes.
Why do the Golden Globes matter? Because they are a precursor to the Oscars. A lot of times who wins the Golden Globes goes on to win the Oscars. Did you see what movie was up for four Golden Globes? No, what was it? Moneyball. Wow. Wow. Woods, you really got into that right there. You really got into that. Big fan of that movie, pal. I can tell because you applauded. Well, just watch it and you'll see why. Brad Pitt is on. And you know how I feel about Brad Pitt as an actor. Sometimes I think he's not that great. He's freaking phenomenal in this movie. Phenomenal. It's a film about a general manager of a baseball team. Billy Bean. Yeah. You know that. What's up, dude? I'm giving you a little sarcasm. Your favorite movie is a movie about a stupid shark. So there you go. A mutant shark that just keeps killing people. It's a classic. It's a classic. It's iconic. This will be. Will. He won't. It. It. They made a movie about a guy that's alive and still the GM. That's pretty cool. What if you're not that big of a fan of baseball? Doesn't matter. My wife watched it, was bawling, crying. Yeah, but that's because her husband's into baseball, so that makes her, technically that makes her into baseball. You don't have to be.
You don't have to be into baseball to like this movie. It's a good movie. It's a metaphor for life, man. It's the little guy beating the big guy. It's, you know, it's never giving up. It's sticking to your guns, which is just rad. It's garbage. It's not garbage. Not necessarily. Yeah, it could be good. You know, I think that Brad Pitt did a good job. He's respectful to the media. He is. He's respectful to the public. Right. And he's a good kid. That's right. He's not really a kid anymore, but he's good. And he comes home crying to his mom? No, he does not. That's not fair. He has a big dip of snuff in the whole movie, too, which is pretty rad. What do critics say about it? They loved it. They do? They loved it, yeah. That's why I don't read the newspaper. That's right. Well, then I'll have to check it out. Will you? I will. You won't see it just because I like it. I call it full talk for a one-eyed fat man. Thank you, Jay. A little editorial piece from Jay Isbell, my friend and producer. That didn't sound like something a friend would do. Good point, L.O.B. Thank you. That's a good observation. That's a very good observation. Anyway, here's Ricky Gervais explaining his... Now, if you don't know...
He's from England and he is spicy. He's a spicy meatball. Oh, yeah. He could be controversial. He'll be dirty on you. And here's his philosophy on comedy. What's it like to be in your shoes right now? Winston Churchill said, if you find a job you really love, you'll never work again. And that's what it feels like. I mean, it's not like I'm, you know, a soldier or digging holes or building walls. I mean, what am I doing? I'm coming up with jokes. And annoying people. I'd be doing that anyway. Although there are some lines. Well, there are some lines, but it's how you deal with it. One, I think offense is taken, not given. I mean, if you don't let yourself be offended, you're not offended. Some people are offended by equality. Some people are offended by mixed marriage. Some people are offended by homosexuality. What are we meant to do? Stop all those things because someone's offended? No. You said to someone one time, a comedian should be as funny as he or she can possibly be and still be able to sleep at night.
And that you can defend every joke you've ever told. I'm not one of these comedians that just says, oh, it was a joke. You know, oh, comedy is your conscience taking a day off. My conscience never takes a day off. You know, some people are just offended. And you can't really worry about them. You know whether you've done right or wrong. And you figure out, too. That's his brand of humor. So if you're not into it, don't watch it. And that's pretty insightful, actually. And LLB's a comedian and, you know. We're all kind of amateur comedians here. That's a good way to live your life, and we should take some of that advice, too. I know I get stressed out about work, and then at the end of the day, I'm like, wait, I get on the radio and I talk and make fun of stuff with my friends. It's a good job. It's not the worst thing in the world. M1 Taylor from Mesa, Arizona is on the line. Hi. Hey, how are you guys doing? Doing good. Doing good. Glad to hear it. I was just calling to see how Woods' foot is today. It's good. It's right as the mail, my friend. Yeah, yesterday, Woods was singing the national anthem on the radio live. Of course. Why wouldn't he be? Of course. And in the middle of it, Jay pulled his pants down. Not my pants. Woods' pants. Jay pulled Woods' pants down. Yes.
Jay pantsed Woods. And it really, it angered Woods. Yes. Genuinely angered. Genuinely angered. So much. Woods turned and kicked Jay in the butt. Yes. Real hard. Gave truth through the night. I mean, you really gave it to him. Oh, I did. It's a great clip. And I thought that you injured yourself. You didn't. No, it's fine. Well. Good to hear. It is good to hear. It was fine. My butt didn't hurt at all until after the show, and I'm standing on the counter in there, hanging some pictures, and Woods decides to punch me in the butt as hard as he can. Oh. This time on the bone. From under. Under. Damn near broke my hand. You were aiming for the grundle. Yeah. You were aiming for the grundle, and you punched him so hard in the grundle. that you hit bone and you hurt your hand. That's a hard punch to the grundle. It's a little icy between Jay and I this morning when I came in. Hey, how you doing? Fine. Well, now I owe you. No, you don't. You don't get two. Hey, pal, you wrote some nasty stuff on my car. You wrote some nasty stuff on my car. Months ago. Wait a minute.
In fairness to Woods, the stuff that you write on Jay's car is all true. That is true. That's true. That's true. I would rather have stuff written on my car every day than get punched in the butt. How about getting your pants pulled down? I wouldn't like that. Yeah. Getting your pants pulled down is the most humiliated I've ever been. I actually look forward to it. He said yesterday, off the air, he said... Our 19-year-old phone screener, Nicole, was standing right there. Staring in here. Staring. She saw me. My pants down. It's embarrassing, man. Embarrassing. Sweating. Gave truth through the night. You're a trooper. Can't see too well. Is that Michael Bublé? The boobs. Oh, wow. Let's see. That's so bad, dude. Then the guy last night sends me some creepy yoga video on my Facebook of some guy in a thong, a black thong, doing yoga. He goes, this is what you need. It's like, God. What was it? Some creep. This guy's made a rubber. He's made a rubber. Yeah, he's sticking his legs behind his head. Like he's had some ribs removed. That's what I said. Does Jay search on... I posted on the Mikey Show Facebook page that...
The yoga girl. Have you seen the yoga girl? The guy singing about yoga girl? Hilarious. But right next to it was the yoga dude, and it is not as funny. Sounds hilarious. He puts it on my wall, and somebody goes, man, that guy's just been getting you all day. And I thought about it, and I go, he's poking the tiger. Yeah, yeah. He's poking the tiger. Well, I just want to know what that dude is Googling on YouTube. Yeah. Yoga weird positions. Sexy men and thongs. Yoga girl. Yoga girl. What a creep. Somebody told me about the video. They said, go check out Yoga Girl, and I did. Somebody, you mean Google. Yeah. Google told you. YouTube told me about it. Anyone see Modern Family last night? No, it's too late for me. Yeah. I'll see you tonight. Yeah, I'll see you this afternoon. I'll watch it on Hulu. I won't ruin it for you. But last night was also the 2012 People's Choice Awards. I don't like award shows, man. I like the good ones. Oscars, Golden Globes are good. I'd rather find out the next day. Yeah. She's not a fan of watching them. I had the opportunity to go to the Grammys. I didn't want to go. Really? No. I'd go. Awards. I don't get it. I think they should get rid of the whole thank you element. They should be able to go up and go, you know, this is great. You know, that kind of thing. But anytime I want to take my producer, blah, blah, blah. This guy who does my hair. That's a whip. Because sometimes you want to hear them embarrass themselves. That's part of it.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Part two got the favorite movie from people. That's good. This is Americans. Is that the deal? You just go online and vote? I don't know. I think so. Potterheads. Potterheads. Favorite TV competition show? American Idol. That was a big one. Big player. Always has been. Yep. Even though this is not ready to go, I'm still going to play it because it's lovely. Name three. Didn't do that earlier. Holy cow. That was something else, wasn't it? Hit that again. Name three. Wow. Oh, man. That was crisp. Violent. Clear and concise. My favorite new drop. Yeah. Favorite movie icon? Here were the nominees. Clooney, Harrison Ford, Morgan Freeman, Robert De Niro, Tom Hanks. Who do you think won? Freaking Tom Hanks, probably. Nope. Good.
Who would go next? De Niro. Nope. It was Morgan Freeman. Love Morgan Freeman. I do too, but De Niro and Tom Hanks are in there, and they're not going to get favorite movie icon? Tom Hanks can get. He hasn't done a good movie in a while. Well, icon spans his entire catalog. I know, but his entire catalog contains some very big turds as of late. Oh, please. Don't, doesn't it? I don't know what he's been in as of late. He did that movie where he went back to college with Julia Roberts that was god-awful. That was real bad. He did another turd. He did do You've Got Mail. Yeah, You've Got Mail's a turd. You should probably take him out of the voting for anything except worst movie award. I don't think this is going to be a big surprise who won the favorite movie committee. Movie actor. Oh, boy. Sandler? That's for Adam Sandler. I'm on board with that. What? You don't like that I want energy? What's your problem with me winning? You don't like Adam Sandler? I do. Same bit. He's done the same movie over and over and over and over and over. Yeah, and they're great. Yeah. Grownups? Phenomenal.
I'd rather watch paint dry than watch that movie again. People are allowed to have bad... You're allowed to have bad days. Oh, I do. And I do have them. ...to the nice short lady teacher with the... Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. ...kindergarten. Thank you to Mr. Big Bart. Man, I never want to do that in first grade. I'd like to say thanks to Mrs. Really Old Lady with the bad wig who died halfway through second grade. Thanks to always smiling guy with the plaid pants who picked up the ball after she passed. A big shout out to Miss... What is the accent that he's pretending to do? Like, what is the affectation supposed to be? No idea. One calf is giant and one is normal. Yeah. Third grade would have not been as interesting without you. And I'm telling you, it's... Really who he is. Yeah. It's really who he is because when we stayed at the same hotel he did, they knocked on his $14,000 a night. Wow. A night. You want to stay in that room? 14K. That's so ridiculous. Now, the room is incredible. It's got a library. It's got a telescope, and not just a telescope, like a fully functioning good telescope. What? Like the Hubble. It's got an office. Better.
It's got an office, several bedrooms, a sauna, its own sauna. Oh, my gosh. As a rocket, right? Private rocket. Yeah, private rocket. It's got to. And one of the things that you get if you get that $14,000 a room night is you get flower service. So every day they wheel a cart, knock on the door. When you open the door, they come in there and they change the old flowers out and they put these new flowers in. Wow. And Rebecca and I were walking the elevator and. Right as the elevator door closed, he opened his door and saw the flower people and went, oh, hey, how you doing? Oh, my God. Hey, it's the flower people. Oh, my God. For $14,000 a night, it better have a strip club inside. Yeah. Gosh. And like a Ruth's Chris. That's tiring. Stater Brothers. Yeah, Stater Brothers. $14,000 a night. That's crazy. One night. Just give me 24 hours in there. That would be a blast. Dude was there for a couple of months while they shot. Oh, my gosh. Why not just rent a house? Yeah. Oh, this is better than a house. Yeah. It's better than a house. Why not just buy a house? It's better. Than buying a house? Then you have something to sell. At the house that you buy, you don't have somebody coming and changing flowers.
You know, nice towels and putting all the stuff in there every day. I'm sure that's what MC Hammer thought, too. I just spend a million dollars a day. It doesn't matter. It's true. Well, my wife, Rebecca, she doesn't think he paid for it. No. The studio. She thinks the studio paid for it. That's got to come out of his pay, then. Right? I think he's doing it. He's big time, though, man. Isn't it his production studio? Happy Madison? Not him? It is. And when you think about it, so it's his dough. One way or the other, it's his dough. But when you think about it, that Sandler dough is... It's deep. Deep. That's long money right there. Runs deep. When he did that turd of a movie, Grown Ups, with David Spade, Chris Rock, Kevin James, he bought all those Cats Maseratis after they got done filming. They walked outside. He goes, hey, go outside real quick. And they open the door and there's a brand new Maserati sitting in their driveway. Hey! Here we go! Have a new birthday! Hope you enjoy it. I don't know if you're going to like it, but if you don't, take me for a ride. Yep. That's filthy. Yeah. Man. That's allotted, though. Yeah, it is. M1 Cave Dweller from Wisconsin. Hi. Hey, guys. How's it going? It's going good. How are you? I'm great. I caught the 7 a.m. podcast from yesterday, the infamous 7 a.m. podcast from yesterday.
And the only thing that I can say is Jay and Woods had better never get drunk together. Oh, man. Too late. They will wake up in side-by-side hospital rooms. My leg up in a sling, his arm in a cast. Yep. It's true. And cuts and bandages all over. It's going to be a brawl, I can tell. Hey, are we allowed to talk about the podcast thing? There's no rule against it, right? Not that I know of. Not that I know of. And I think it's probably best that we do. Yeah. But the podcast, for some people, I think they'll really dig it. What we're going to do is we're going to start, well, first of all, the downside. The downside is it'll be delayed. The podcast will be delayed. You'll get it, but it'll be delayed by a week. But you'll be able to download a whole week. And there won't be any commercials in there. That's awesome. And so, yeah, I hope people don't freak out. But people freak out about everything. Yeah, they do. And I know you're in Wisconsin, Cave Dwellers, so you might freak out. But you can stream us. You can still stream. You can stream, so that's good. Till the cows come home. Yeah, stream till the cows come home. And then they'll be a week behind. So today's podcast would be available.
Next Thursday. Smaller file size. I'm going to go ahead and clip those commercials out for you like the old days. Sweetly. It's pretty cool. And the other, I guess, kind of bad news is they're only available for a week. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. They will live for a week. And the reason for that is because it costs a ton of dough to keep them there. Well, you can, but yeah, like Mike said, you can download them and keep them as long as you want. You store them. Yeah. They won't self-destruct. Yeah, they're not Mission Impossible. Yeah. Or Inspector Gadget. Is that cool, Cave Dweller? Hey, you know, I... If I'm not waking up and listening to you guys live, then maybe I deserve to wait a week. There you go. That's the attitude. You're a good man. That's the attitude. The king of the M1s. Good man. I like that. Love you. Love you guys. Goodbye. Little angel. It's going to do the Nancy Grace thing, but I was looking at it. I actually heard the audio. She got really upset at a friend of Yoran Vandersloot. If you didn't hear yesterday, Yoran admitted that he killed that girl.
in peru uh hasn't admitted to natalie holloway but admitted to the girl in peru and one of his friends said that she put herself in the situation oh my gosh the old she asked for it bit that's the implication and uh nancy grace got really ticked off because she herself has been a victim and so she went off on this dude and uh With me right now is a friend of Jorn Vandersloot. You keep saying over and over that Stephanie Tosiana, quote, created a killer. How can a woman, a defenseless woman, create a killer out of a hulking Dutchman like Jorn Vandersloot? Why does she create the killer? That's what I want to hear from you, Ludwig. Well, she put herself in this situation, Nancy. As soon as she found out who he was, she should have left. She shouldn't have. start an argument and fighting with him and be in an isolated area where you don't know how to start an argument all she did was say even by his own words hey you're the guy suspected with natalie holloway how's that starting a fight ludwig if i was a woman and i was in her situation i surely wouldn't have stood around to ask him that question i would have got out of there really so in other words you would have been you would have known that you were in the presence of a monster right
And so if that's true, then what you're talking about is a monster. So why are you blaming her? Okay, so John Ludwig, and I'm speaking now not as a lawyer, but as a victim of violent crime myself. You're saying... That the murder victim who endured a brutal beating, a superhuman strangulation where her neck bone was actually crushed, the room covered in blood, her clothes ripped off of her post-mortem and left that way to be found. It's her fault. Sir, you know what? Cut his mic. John Ludwig, I reserve this for very, very few people, but you, sir, are a fool. And what you have said. sets victim's rights back maybe a couple of hundred years. Take him off the screen. I don't want to look at him anymore. Whoa. And she got really upset. For once, I agree with her. I know. Right. What a monster, man. I mean, like, literally, he's like a dog. Yeah. He's like a dog. Yeah. In fact, there's a lot of dogs that aren't as bad as him. Yeah, I think you're giving dogs a bad name. Yeah, I'm giving dogs a very bad name. And I agree.
But if my daughter called me from his room and said, I just found out who this is, would I say, hey, hang around and ask him about it? Or would I say, hey, get the hell out of there? Yeah. But she didn't call her dad. Yeah. And here's the thing, though. Like, let's say that it was a one night stand. She put herself in a bad situation, blah, blah, blah. Maybe that's true. But here's what's also true. It's not in any way appropriate to. to point that out. And what's also true is we only know what he told us. Who knows how she actually reacted or what actually went down. Or if he just caught her on his computer when he walked in the door. He caught her on his computer. There's no get out. Regardless, it's just poor form to say anything about it. A girl died. Nobody deserves that, no matter what. And yeah, he sounds like he's And that's what's so strange. He looks normal. Yeah, man. But he's a monster inside. Yeah. Like a creature. Yeah. Like a ghoulish creature. Can't judge a book by its cover. You cannot. You cannot. 570-194-9 is our number. Ford had to recall a bunch of automobiles. Are you driving one? We will tell you after the top of the hour if you're driving one of them.
And we encourage you to call us and say hi and talk about whatever you'd like at 570-1949. This is your time and our time. So technically, Mr. Han, that makes it our time. Certainly there's nothing wrong with having a little feast on our time. A little feast on our time. Whoa. You dick. It's the best. I haven't seen that in a long time. I'm going to have to watch that now. Yeah, you need to. Try to get to that movie about once a quarter. You just get spit right out of them. That's a real-life Spicoli right there. Dude, you got the best barrels ever, dude. Get pitted. So pitted. What does that mean, Jay, to get pitted in surfing? I think it means you get kind of covered up. It means the waves kind of breaking over you. You're pitted. You're just pitted. You're deep. Oh, deep in the pocket. Always a good feeling. Oh, it's a great feeling if you can maintain it.
pit inside of something. Like an olive pit. In the green room. Right in there. And it's pretty awesome to get spit out of that. If you can come out the other side, you are a hero. To get spit out of it's great to get that thing on top of you. That's no fun. Because a lot of times you don't make it. Exactly. That's a whole lot of water crashing down on you. Yes, it is. And then you usually go back up and over. If it crashes on you, it takes you back and then spits you right over the falls. Especially when you have a 75-foot board like me. It's always fun dragging that thing behind you. You never know where it's going to be or if you're going to land on top of it. I've actually landed back on top of my board upside down. Oh, my God. All the fans ride it in. Oh, my God. Look at that pool. Get it. Woodsy said to me just a few minutes ago before we came on the air, he goes, you know about the Jets? And I go, no. And he goes, just wait, I'll tell you. So I'll find out. I don't know. Red Hot Chili Peppers concert here in San Diego has been postponed, and I have the new date. And I'm also going to tell you what Ford automobiles have been recalled. Are you driving one? This is The Mikey Show, FM 94.9. Today, my journey to help save people money on car insurance brings me to the sunny state of California.
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Oh, yeah, I have several resolutions, but probably the only one I'll be able to stick to is using ovation cell therapy the entire year. I think you can actually stick to that. I think so too. And I've been using Ovation for over a year now. Everybody always tells me how great my hair looks. So I decided to give the gift of Ovation this holiday season. I got my cousin on it. I got my aunt on it. They started already with the gift of beautiful hair. Absolutely. And I started using Ovation because my wife Jamie was using it. She looks phenomenal. My friend Lauren O'Brien was using it. Her hair looks phenomenal. It's only the right thing to do. Did you slip any men's max packs into anyone's stockings this year? Absolutely. Oh, good for you. Give Ovation a try for yourself. It's 100% guaranteed. It's safe. It's non-toxic. Log on to OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout to get a special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com and enter FM949. This is the sound of Kate depositing checks. Yeah, those reports will be done in five. This is the sound of Felton depositing checks. Hello, this is Felton.
This is the sound of Simon depositing checks. Thank you. Your order will ship out today. Chase brings the bank to your business with a quick deposit check scanner. Deposit checks into your Chase business checking account at any time without having to leave the office, which speeds up cash flow and gives you more time to get everything else done. Whether that's talking to suppliers, finishing reports, or finally launching the company website. And we are online, people. Sign up now and get a Chase Quick Deposit scanner for free. Stop into a branch or go to chase.com slash business quick deposit to learn more. More convenient business banking. Take a step forward and chase what matters. Subject to approval, monthly service fees apply, two-year service agreement required, and cancellation fees apply. See a banker for details. JPMorgan Chase, Bank N.A., member FDIC. Rite Aid wants to be your new pharmacy. Transferring's easy. With your list of medications, call 1-800-RITE-AID, go online at riteaid.com, or visit any location, and we'll do the rest. Every prescription gets you closer to 20% off the whole store, fast, with a free Wellness Plus card. Rite Aid accepts most major plans, including those with Express Scripts coverage, so transfer today. Certain limitations apply. Prescriptions paid for in whole or in part by state or federal health care programs, such as Medicare or Medicaid, are not eligible for Wellness Plus points, nor are prescriptions filled in New York or New Jersey. See pharmacist for details.
Please listen to this important announcement from Pfizer, the makers of Lipitor, atorvastatin calcium tablets. Pfizer may help you reduce the cost of your monthly Lipitor prescription. For eligible patients, Lipitor is available for as little as $4 a month with the Lipitor copay card. Terms and conditions apply. To learn more, please visit Lipitor.com. See our ad in Cooking Light magazine. Learn more at Lipitor.com or call 1-888-LIPITOR. This report brought to you by Children's Advil. Nothing brings your child's fever down faster or keeps it down longer. Choose Children's Advil. Relief you can trust. Well, the freeways look pretty good. Still some activity here, westbound Coronado Bridge, mid-span there, but I don't think that's really going to... delay it too much. Looks like the 54 southbound at the 8 connector, we've got a backup here. It's about 21 miles an hour. Gets a little slow from Main Street all the way down to Fury Lane. Starts off in the 20s, ends up in the 40s, so it progressively gets a little better. The 8 westbound Lake Jennings Park Road, a delay about 39 miles an hour. This report brought to you by Keep Your Home California. Worried about losing your home? Financial reliefs available. Visit keepyourhomecalifornia.org or you can text HOME to 55678. See if you qualify. I'm Stacey.
Casey Cohen, FM 94.9. I told Rebecca I loved her for the first time through text message. It was very heady. I don't like that. I like gritty drama. Just give me your opinion and I'll be on my way. Keep it together. On FM 94.9. Liking what I'm seeing in the UT today. Liking what I'm seeing. I'm going to tell you all about it. Mayor Sanders giving his final state of the city address. He's checking out in December. Mayor Sanders. Every time I say Mayor Sanders, I think Colonel Sanders. Every time. Mayor Colonel Sanders. Every time. That makes a good bird, though, doesn't it? Yeah. Finger licking. Finger licking good. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I am 41 years old and half a year I'll be 42.
And Woods is 36. He is our sports guy. Lauren O'Brien. That's where I kicked you. Is our assistant producer. 31 years of age, blonde, green-eyed, from New Jersey. Blue-eyed. Well, I see some green in there, but that's only because I gaze into them longingly. And then there's Jay, our grundle-injured producer. Why grundle injured? Because Woods punched him in the grundle as hard as he could yesterday. And kicked him in the grundle as hard as I could. Got the double whammy. He got the double grundle action from Woods yesterday. Gave truth. Ouch. Sounds like meat. You hear that meat just getting slapped. It's like Rocky Balboa just punching that half carcass. Gave truth. Oh, man. Slump.
Going to find out what's going on with the Jets in a minute because that's big news. And Woods is going to tell me. Word of the day, shadow. Word of the day is shadow. I'll weave that into a sentence between now and nine when I do. Tickets to see Rise Against. Nice. With a day to remember. And a band called Title Fight. April 15th. Tickets are on sale right now at Ticketmaster. Rise Against is a great live band. Great live band. By the way. You can call, and basically it's your program right now. You can call us and talk about anything you want to. Say hi, ask questions, do whatever. It's an open forum, 570-1949. Okay, the New York Jets. Yeah. Woodsy, what's the deal? Holy cow. So, you know, the Jets did not make the playoffs this year. They finished at 8-8.
There is a fractured locker room going on in New York. They've already lost their offensive coordinator. Now, they did make a hire yesterday, and they hired Tony Sperano, who was the head coach of the Dolphins. A couple of unnamed Jets players have gone to the New York Daily News and said, look, we're not going to win here if Mark Sanchez is our quarterback. They said, and these are quotes, we have to bring in another quarterback that will make him work at practice. He's lazy and content because he knows he's not going to get benched. How can we win when he's not improving at all? He thinks he is, but he's not. He has shown us what he's capable of. And he said basically that the entire Jets organization, especially Rex Ryan, coddles him. And he goes, they see the organization babying him. They see him with a sense of entitlement. He's been given all this. He hasn't done anything. They call him Sanchise. They make him the face of the organization. They give him the captain tag. He's not a captain. He should have never been a captain. Then this is the one that got me. They said, all right, well, should the Jets try to trade for Peyton Manning? Come on. That's a no-brainer, a Jet source said. If you have a chance to get a healthy 36-year-old Peyton Manning, you don't do it, then you're stupid. If we could get a healthy 36-year-old Peyton Manning, then hell yeah, I would trade Mark Sanchez. We can win a Super Bowl with Peyton. Oh, my gosh. Dude. Heavy. Heavy. They said the guy. That's as heavy as a guy. Absolutely. And they said this guy.
in the face of adversity, will just cower. And they said he's just not a leader out there. So his offensive line was pretty shattered this year, much like ours here in San Diego. And they said kind of after a while, instead of looking downfield at receivers, he was looking out of the corner of his eyes to see if there's somebody coming to knock him on his butt. And so he would just hurl up a ball. He threw 26 touchdowns this year, which was really good, but he had 18 interceptions and eight lost fumbles. 26 turnovers from just him alone. Yeah, and so they just said, look, this isn't our guy. We don't want to play for this guy. Now, of course, the guys that have come out in his support, offensive linemen. A few of the offensive linemen are like, no way, Mark's our guy, Mark's our guy. They have to do that. That's the guy whose butt they protect. But, dude. It's receivers. He's had some bad stuff going with receivers. There's no chemistry. And they said this guy's just a, he's kind of a wuss, man. They weren't anonymous quotes? They are anonymous quotes. Yeah, they're anonymous quotes. And so one guy, Nick Mangold, who's I believe the center, went on Twitter and said, look, if you want to run mouth, put your name to it. You know, because this locker room is just, it's fractured. They've already said we're not doing captains next year.
Rex Ryan said there will be no captains on the Jets. Because who were his captains? Santonio Holmes, who's legendary malcontent and troublemaker. And Mark Sanchez, the, you know, wilting flower quarterback. It's insane in New York right now. It's heavy. Isn't that heavy? It's really heavy. Those guys were not mincing words on this cat. Wow. He's so handsome. Game over, man. He's very handsome. And then, last night. Big State of the City address from Mayor Sanders, and he talked about the stadium. And for once, it sounds like good news. Yep. For once, it sounds like good news. But anyway, he got up there, and he says that all the stuff that's been plaguing the city for the past decade, financial junk, were a mess. The city of San Diego financially upside down, a mess, a turd, and it has been for years and years and years. And San Diegans have been upset with the city government for a long time because it's a turd. Well, he got up there and said before he leaves in December, that will be a thing of the past. And I want to stay optimistic and believe that that will be a true story. I'm not going to criticize. I will hope it's the true thing. And we all should. So should you. We should all hope that that's the deal. Now, here's what he says. Before I go, he says, you're going to see a lot of civic.
Projects become reality. Everything from a new Charger Stadium to a convention center expansion to a makeover of Balboa Park. All right. Now, specifically, let's talk nuts and bolts. All right? Let's talk. Let's see where the rubber hits the road. On the stadium, Mayor Sanders says this stadium would be a $1 billion stadium. Yeah. Whoa. A beaut. Just a beaut. $1 billion. Oh, yes. What a waste of money. Oh, boy. Oh, Lauren. So not. Lauren, Lauren. $1 billion empty stadium. So not. No. Just blacked out games. You're not going anywhere. No, no. There will not be blacked out games. No. Not with this new joint. There's no way. No. There will not be blacked out games. I'm telling you.
After the first year, there will be. Well, definitely, because Petco sells out all the time. Yeah, there you go. Football and baseball, completely different. Oh, we did so good this year. I'm telling you, if you build it, they will cost one. This is different than Petco. It will sell out when, like, the Steelers come into town or, like, when the Raiders are in town because their team will come out. You guys. I hope they tax me more. Naysayers. Me too. Yeah, if I could pay some more taxes to help pay for that, that would be... I didn't make this bed, but I've got to lay in it. Mayor Sanders says you won't. Okay? Based on it, though. I like him. The Chargers would like it that you do, which, by the way, if it comes to a vote, I will vote for it yes. Me too. Well, then you better also be buying season tickets, my friend. I will go to the games. Let's go to the games. Hey, listen, I won't get season tickets, but I'll go. And I mean it. Let's go Havsies. I don't want to get season tickets, but I'll go to that stadium and I'll go. I'll go. Yeah. The mayor says he's publicly, for the last few months, they've been on opposing sides, the city and the team. But just recently, as in like earlier this week, they are now both saying we are now on the same page.
It's so good for the economy here. You bring a Super Bowl here. You bring a couple of Super Bowls here. It's so good for the economy. There was a Super Bowl here. Yeah, but it was a long time ago. Oh, there'll be a lot of them with a brand new stadium because it's California weather. Now, the Charger organization, they want hundreds of millions of dollars in taxpayer money to pay for it. You don't hear any argument from me. I'll do it. I'll say yes. I'll vote yes. Wish I could vote twice. Now, Mayor Sanders says... His plan for a new Chargers stadium would have no tax increases. We would get support from the region, not just San Diego, but the region of Southern California. That's cool. And he also says if this happens, the city needs a return on the investment. Right. So whatever the financing is going to be, it's going to a vote either in November. or a special election spring of next year here's the problem and i will be campaigning me too vote for it vote for it here's the only problem is that it takes a while to build these stadiums now they need to get something done they need to get a stamp
and get this thing underway, they've got to start breaking ground on this thing soon. Not that the Chargers will go anywhere if they don't, but they do have that option to opt out of their lease here at Qualcomm every single year. But if they can get something stamped and break some ground, we're good to go. It's going to take a couple years to get that thing up and running. It'll probably take three years to build, at least. But I'll tell you what, man. And what it'll do for the city will be amazing. I've seen it. I've seen it firsthand twice. I saw it when they built the new Cowboys stadium and all the stuff. But that's Dallas. No, I know. That's a football city. They also did the Dallas Mavericks built an amazing place, the American Airlines Center. And around it, next to it, they built the W Hotel. And next to that, they have a whole new place in Dallas that is just booming. We have a W downtown. It's pretty close to Petco. I'll tell you this. What is your point? Saying Petco is still empty. Yeah, because nobody likes the Padres here. And they do love the Chargers. They love the Chargers. Now, hang on. Now, I understand what you're saying. Why are they blacked out? Why are games blacked out? If people love the Chargers so much, why are games blacked out? This is just my opinion. I could be wrong. But I believe that it's a combination of a few things. Number one, they currently play in a toilet. When I say toilet, I mean that place is a freaking...
Toilet. If you've ever been to contemporary stadiums for football teams, it ain't nothing like what we have here in San Diego. It's a toilet where they play. If you build this gorgeous mausoleum in downtown San Diego where it's what they have planned, these billion-dollar plans, first of all, it changes the skyline of San Diego. San Diego suddenly becomes... even more glamorous, more of a jewel. And I do believe that people will go. See, in terms of popularity, the NFL is the biggest sport in the world. And I'm not saying that from an opinion or perspective. It simply is. It's a fact. It's a fact. The National Football League is an entity that far surpasses anything else.
Football is different. And I believe they build that thing, and you're going to see some real changes. It's just crazy, though. I come from the East Coast, and people will sit, if they can't get tickets to the game, they'll sit in the parking lot and tailgate with a TV. And it's not about the stadium. They don't need a cushy seat in a fancy stadium. It's about seeing the game and loving your team. And I don't know if that can necessarily change. I get it. And I even understand it. Back East, it's generation upon generation of grandfathers and grandmothers that went to those games and everything. Same neighborhood. Never left. We just don't really have that kind of thing. A lot of transplants. However, I think that a new stadium would be just the sort of... Hey, listen. I'm only one person, but I'm not... I would go, and I don't go to football games. It's civic pride, too, man. You would be very, very proud to go. For a game or two. You want to go. Yeah, for a game or two. If it's going to be that popular, it should be able to pay for itself. I think it would. I think it would, too. Don't come texting me. They're not going to. That's what Sanders is saying. He's like, hey, I need you to give. And they're now on the same page where they're talking about it. If that were the case, I'd be all the way in, and I'd be there. Not every game, but I'd be there. M1 Herald from San Marcos. What up?
You know, it would be good for the economy, you know, with the Super Bowls and things like that. But also, there are a lot of construction guys at home right now that need work. Yep. There's a lot of guys. Oh, my gosh. The industry. It creates a ton of jobs. But that's not a good argument because there's other stuff that you can build, too. It doesn't have to be in your stadium. Like what? That's going to generate that much. They tried. They tried. LLB's right. Because there was talk of like a multi-million dollar library. Yeah, library, city hall, new bridge, like all kinds of stuff. And she's right. But a library is not going to end up paying for itself down the road. A stadium will. Don't you know how much the late fees are? That is true. How about just fix the potholes on my street? Oh, boy. And more people will drive. Yeah, more people will drive. Let me tell you. If I said that they were talking about building a billion-dollar skate park in the middle of Mission Valley, that guy would be voting yes on it quicker than the ink would drive. It would have to pay for itself. It would. Absolutely. This will. It will. I mean, it's never not in a situation in the NFL when somebody's built a new stadium. It's always going to work. I mean, that's one of those things. It's almost foolproof. I agree with you. Even in a bad market, a bad recession. Ford is recalling.
Half a million vehicles, half a million minivans and SUVs, 205,000 Freestar and Mercury Monterey minivans made during 2004 and 2005 are being recalled because their torque converter output is failing and it's causing a loss of power. Now, that's not that big of a deal. I mean, it's a mechanical problem, but it's nothing to... But how about the quarter million... escapes that they're recalling from 2001 and 2002 because of leaky brake fluid caps. Wow. Yeah, well, what does that mean? Well, it means it can corrode electrical connectors and lead to a fire. Perfect. Wow. So Ford says that they're going to let owners know and they're going to replace the parts for free. In the case of the escape, Ford says there could be
A little bit of a delay on the parts. Unfortunately, that's the one that means the most, too. But anyway, if you own one of those vehicles, you're going to be hearing about that in the coming days. The Red Hot Chili Peppers had to postpone their U.S. tour because their lead singer, Anthony Kiedis, has multiple injuries on his foot. Multiple injuries. A lot of bones in your foot. I guess so. Probably kick somebody in his band. Yeah. Well, you know. Probably. How do I know? Flea tried to pull his pants down, and he turned around and kicked him. I've heard. Seems harsh. I've heard that when that happens, one can kick someone. Gave truth. I'll be quicker next time. The kick heard around the world. Oh, the kick heard around the world. Oh, that sounds painful. Okay, so here's what applies to us, SoCal. We're going to have the back-to-back nights in L.A. at the Staples Center.
On February 26th and 27th, those dates have been changed to August 11th and 12th. They were going to be playing here at San Diego on February 29th. That's been changed to September 23rd. Nice. Does it say what day that is of the week? It doesn't, but I can tell you that. Can you tell me that? Yep. September 23rd, you say. Here we go. Why? Why? September 23rd, 2012. In the year 2012, we'll be on a Sunday night. Weird. Sunday night, Woodsy. Some sleep in the studio again. Perfect. I got to cross them off the list, pal. They're on the list. Of bands that you need to see? Yes. I keep a list and they're on it. Well, let's see. They were going to be on a Wednesday night. Yeah. Now they're going to be on a Sunday. Seems like it would work better for some people. Yeah.
It's on a weekend at least. So there you go. I know you're very upset. You're going to be missing them. It's one of my least favorite bands ever. Yeah. The Red Hot Chili Peppers. It really is. They've lulled me to sleep with their music. Same song. It's the same song. It's hardly the same song. Gosh. It's a weak bit. His voice sounds like a lullaby. Which is good. That's good. Great. Yeah. Why don't you just change the name of the band to Unisom? Sleepy Time? Mm-hmm. Just call them unison. Clown. There are no Justin Bieber and Chris Brown. Yeah, that's true. There you go. That's a great combo. That's true. That's true. Yeah. I would listen to, well, I do. Yeah. Listen to Chris Brown and that Justin Bieber song way more than I listen to Red Hot Chili Peppers. Did you hit it yesterday? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Way more means incessantly. Right. Nice Bieber. Yeah. I like those catchy.
Oh, yeah, you do. Taking the old log to the beaver. It's like going to the skating rink. Yeah. It's the kind of music you listen to. Or being 13. Yeah. It's kind of like that. Well, I realized yesterday I was driving home and I was thinking about it and I was thinking about how all of San Diego hates me. True story. Because I do. Because I like that music. I was thinking about it and I was like, eh, sucks to be me, but. In that regard, you know, in the regard of being thought of as a complete douche. Right. And I had to ask myself, well, Mike, live in the truth. Why do you like that Chris Brown, Justin Bieber song? And I said, I think the reason you like it is because, A, you like music that you think could be in a movie, and that is. And I do. You think that could be in a movie? Yeah.
Like a Disney flick? Yeah. Like a cheerleading movie? A teen flick. A teen? Bring it on? Maybe. Step up? Seven? I picture it in like a bring it up. What is it? Could be. Yeah, bring it on. Maybe the film that it's going to be in is a Disney movie for kids. Could be. But I like to listen to music in that way. Everybody has a different experience with music. That's a true statement. My experience with music is, I wonder if that's a hit. Is that a hit? I want to discover this. Is that a hit? I think that's a hit. It's the reason I like this band safety suit. And Woodsy says they broke real big on the Billboard song. Yeah, they had a huge week on Billboard. My article's in the garbage, but yeah, they had a good week. What did you say? They broke records or something. Yeah, they sold a ton of records and they were like number one on the Billboard or something. They're good. What do you want from me? I like what I like. You like what you like. Dark Knight. Dark Knight is already selling out. That's shocking. You know, the Dark Knight, it's the Dark Knight Rises is the name of the new Dark Knight movie. First Dark Knight, by the way, brought in the second biggest total for an opening weekend ever, $158 million back in 2008. And so these pre-sales, excuse me, are already selling out for two theaters, IMAX in San Francisco, IMAX in LA. Where are people buying them?
Fandango. They say that Avatar went on sale four months before, and this one's on sale even more than that. Thank you, Christian. You're welcome. Christian Bale. You are a very serious guy. Very much so. I'm Batman. You know, you're really a British guy. Who says? My name's Bruce Wayne. When we come back, I'm gonna... Let you hear a bunch of clips of President Obama edited together for him to sing the song Born This Way by Lady Gaga.
Hey, gang. What's happening? Hi. Good morning. Good morning. Got a tweet yesterday from a gentleman that just finished up his follow-up with Dr. Sandy T. Feldman. Does that mean he got his eyes done or he's getting them done? I don't know, but I did let him know that I do have a few thousand dollar off discount coupons. Excellent. Well, either way, whether he's gotten it or he's going to get it, he's sitting in the right place. And that's Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. This is one of those things, LASIK surgery, that you put off. For years. I put mine off for probably about, I'd say when I seriously considered it to when I got it, probably five years. Yeah. A good solid five years. Three to five. So look, this is the year that you can be contact free and glasses free and goggle free and, you know, wake up. Ridicule free. Ridicule free. You wake up in the morning, you open your eyes, you rub them and you go. Oh, yeah, I can see what the DVD player is flashing. It's called hassle-free. Yeah, hassle-free and perfect vision can be yours. Give them a call today, 858-452-3937. It's Dr. Sandy T. Feldman, Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Elleby, where can they find them online? You can find them online at clearvieweyes.com. And again, that number is 858-452-3937. Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center, affordability, technology, and experience.
San Diego's number one volume Subaru dealer just got even better. Kearney Mesa Subaru has opened a brand new showroom in the heart of San Diego. We're celebrating by inviting you to our grand opening event. In honor of our new showroom, the factory has sent us a special shipment of top-selling Subarus. This means we're making deals so you can stay big. Leaves a new 2012 Subaru Impreza 2.0i CVT for just $149 per month plus tax. It's an automatic with a jack for your iPod and auto-dim mirror with Homelink. All for just $149 per month at Kearney Mesa Subaru. We have a great selection of new and certified pre-owned Subarus. We're also San Diego's number one volume certified pre-owned Subaru dealer. Don't miss the Kearney Mesa Subaru brand opening event going on now. It just makes sense. Just minutes from anywhere in San Diego or visit sandiegosuburudealer.com. A Sunrow dealership. 2012 and present leases model CJB for 42 months with 10,000 miles per year with 15 cents per mile thereafter. At 2005, 55, do at least sign a no security deposit on approved above average credit. One is payment. Then 007286, number one claims based on 2011 Subaru sales report. Offers expire month end. Yo, straight out of Santa Fe. Turkey burger. Carl's Jr. It's Pepper Jack and I'm back and I'm better than cheddar. Bringing heat to the meat like I swear in 10 sweaters. I can make a mouth water in the hottest up deserts. Spicy kick to your lips, you're gonna love it forever. The new under 500 calorie Santa Fe turkey burger from Carl's Jr. With green chili, pepper jack cheese and Santa Fe sauce. It's turkey remixed with the perfect amount of heat. And that's just the way it is.
Elvis Costello and the Impostors present the Revolver Tour. The spectacular spinning songbook. Round and round it goes. Where it stops, nobody knows. April 16th at Humphreys Concerts by the Bay. Elvis Costello and the Impostors. Tickets on sale this Saturday morning at 10 at the box office. Ticketmaster by phone or at ticketmaster.com. Humphreys Concerts are presented by your San Diego County Lexus dealer. Today, my journey to help save people money on car insurance brings me to the sunny state of California, which has over 840 miles of sandy beaches. So I've been brushing up on my surfing lingo in preparation. Wasabi, surfer bras and salty sisters? If you're jonesing to save sick money on car insurance, switching to Geico could be hyper-fierce. Nah, nah. Slater, dudes. I think I've got it. To get a free rate quote, go to geico.com, then buy online, over the phone, or at your local GEICO office. GEICO. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. The great gold rush of 1848. It really put California on the map, didn't it? But digging for that gold was back-breaking work. However, GEICO's new low rates in California are really easy to find. Just a few clicks at geico.com, and in minutes you could be saving hundreds of dollars on car insurance.
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year upon us now's a great time to bring your car to your neighborhood toyota dealer from batteries to tires toyota's got you covered i'm stacy cohen fm 94.9 come on man wake up good morning wake up and now back to the mikey show with mikey for those of you that have never seen me i'm a short chunky guy woods i just try not to be the dirty creepy pig in my head lauren do you have coconut water and jay i'm wearing cargo shorts right now on fm 94.9 the wilson sisters uh-huh Dark shadow makeup, you know, the heavy eye makeup in those old videos. One of them got really heavy. One of them got? Yeah, one of them got real heavy. Like ate the rest of the band. Yeah. Ann and Nancy Wilson. Can't remember which one got huge. Then they used to do headshots of her in the videos. They did? They did? Yeah, I watched it behind the music on them. What movie does that song remind you of?
Swinger. Yes. Man, I knew it. This is President Obama. He has been edited together using clips of him from various speeches so that he sings Lady Gaga's Born This Way. I also took a trip out to California last week where I held some productive bilateral talks with your leader, Lady Gaga. My mama told me when I was young. We are all more superstars. Oh, she rolled my hair and put my lipstick on. Oh, my. In the glass of her pool wall. There's nothing wrong with loving who you are, she said, because we make you perfect, baby. So hold your head up, girl, and you'll go fine. Listen to me when I say. I'm here to hold my way, because God makes no mistakes. I want the right, right, baby. I was born this way.
Me and that guy, we have different priorities. Yes, very much. He likes marijuana and Mountain Dew. Yes. There's no way the guy that edited... That together has a job because. No way. Because you don't have the time. How did he find all those? You got to find them. You got to isolate them. You got to edit them. You got to put them together. You got to auto tune them. You got to do the. Wow. He didn't have him doing the arm motions because he does like this. It's like a YouTube thing. What if you need a word and you can't find it? Yeah. Well, it sounded like he borrowed some from Stephen Hawking. Like some of the words. I will not. I will stay stoic-faced. Stay the course. Some of them. I'm not laughing at that. I will not. What? Stephen Hawking just has a voice box thing. And one Lisa from Lakeside, you saved LOB. What was the word of the day? That's correct. You're going to go see Rise Against. And yeah, so congratulations. Hang on the line, okay? Hang on, please.
Jay has been wanting me to play the YouTube comic of the week for six months now. Hey. Well, why don't we just call it the Brian Regan of the week? Yeah, Brian Regan's joke. He's clean. That's what makes it easy. I know, but there's more than one clean comic. Everyone that appears on late night TV has to have a clean set. Bill Cosby. Hey. The comic of the week has been Brian Regan every week. No, it's not true. That is a true story. The best part is he loaded this piece of audio probably the day after we got back from vacation, and every day he goes, Hey, Matt, this is the clip of the day. You guys should just send me what you want me to load. Hey, Matt, if you want to use the YouTube comic of the week. Oh, what do you know? It's Brian Regan. Brian Regan. My parents didn't know what to do with me. They got me in a little league baseball. I played out in right field because I stunk. But you don't know. You just show up, you know. I got my glove. You any good? I don't know. My mom told me to come out here. We'll get out in right field. Okay. Turn around, you moron. Oh, okay. Not the whole way. Oh, only some. Some way.
I never knew what was going on out in right field. All I knew is at the end of the game, I'd get a free snow cone. That's all I knew. I'd be out there, oh, free snow cone. Free snow cone. Brian, what's the score? Free snow cone. Free snow cone at the end of the game. If you play, they're going to give you a free snow cone. Even if you play half game, you get the whole, you don't get a half snow cone. You get a whole snow cone for half the game. The people that play whole game, Woods' reaction is better than the clip. Woods' reaction right now is priceless. Woods is looking at me.
This is not Woods' type of comedy. This is my type of comedy. I think it's not bad. I mean, it's pretty funny. It's a good bit. It's very visual. It's pretty, yeah. Now, Woods is looking at me with his jaw open right now in utter disbelief. How many outs, Brian? Grape! Now Woods is closing his eyes. You're going to get grape or cherry. Now Woods has got his head back. They're both favorites. So either one is good. If they have both, I'll get grape, though, because that's a little more favorite. But if they don't have grape, it's like, oh, that's fine because Cherry's favorite anyway. Brian Regan. Question. I'm not super familiar with him. Yes. He makes a living doing that, right? Yes, he does. He's huge. I'm not kidding. He's a professional comedian. He makes a huge living. Hang on. Yesterday, Jay was actually doing his version of that bit to us. It sounded something like this.
Hey, Mike, that bit is great. Regan says he's played Little League, and he's out there in Ratfield, and he talks about snow cones. You're going to love it. It's good stuff. That whole album is funny. I like Brian Regan, but what I enjoy almost more than Brian Regan is Woods listening to Brian Regan. I'm sorry, it's not racist humor. I didn't say racist. Funny humor. The two of them are the greatest. Brian Regan himself is awesome. Watching Woods listen to Brian Regan is even more awesome. Wow. I like it. Oh, L-O-B. I do. You like it because I don't. No, I've liked Brian Regan since before I knew you. Listen. That's one of the most unfunny guys I've ever heard. It's the bit you're hearing. Based on that clip. It's the bit you're hearing. Based on that clip. Some bits, he's a lot better. Some of them, he's a lot better. Yeah, you don't hit it out of the park with every joke. Sure. No, believe me, I know that, but wow. Did you know that Casey Anthony's, all the stuff's been unsealed on Casey Anthony, and apparently she's saying that, well, she said that her daughter may have been conceived, she says, because she passed out one night in November 2004. She thinks somebody slipped her a Mickey.
spiked their drink, and that she was romantically involved because somebody spiked their drink. Now, this is all coming to fruition. Now it's all coming to light because she was examined by a couple of doctors, and that's what she told them, that she was at a party, and all of it's coming out right now. Now, that leads people to fill in some blanks. Does that mean she didn't want Kaylee? Right. Does that mean that she was never into being a mom? She resented her? Yeah. Seems like she's further implicating herself, which I guess she knows the law, no double jeopardy. So she feels like she can come out and say whatever she wants. And she can. She can't. You know what I mean? She can't be tried for that thing again. These are all jailhouse stuff from like when she was in jail, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's all stuff from when she was in jail. I read something, too, yesterday when I was looking at some news that the doctors were amazed. at how remarkably calm she was throughout this whole ordeal while they were interviewing her. Just stoic and calm as could be. Really? Yeah. Just cool as eyes. Wow. Isn't that crazy? Super good liar, man. There's no liar like Casey Anthony. 5701949 is our number. I'm trying to find recaps. Do I have them? You might not have them.
What did you, well, let's just, I don't have to have them in front of me. Tell me what you guys were up to. What did you do yesterday, Woods? I went to the gym as soon as I got out of here. Yeah. And then I went home and sat in the hot tub. And I had, I've been treating our hot tub myself. Yeah. Pretty much just eyeballing and saying, or smell testing and going, I think it needs some chlorine. So you're not, you don't have anybody taking care of that thing. No. You just throw in a little chlorine. Yeah, throw in a little chlorine when I think it needs it. And I think I over chlorinated it because my skin was searing. Oh, gosh. And the fumes were kind of making me sick. Oh, what? That is so woods. That is so woods. So I sat in there, got a little, you know, heat therapy, and then went and had to shower immediately after that. Oh, man. Yeah. Jamie said, she said, I walked by the hot tub. I did this a couple days ago. She goes, I walked by the hot tub and all I smelled was bleach. It smelled like you poured bleach. Why don't you just measure the levels? Because I don't know how to do it. I don't know what it needs. They have, like, pH sticks, and I don't have them. You had to start off by reading the directions. I did, actually. I did, and it said the amount to put in, which is fine, but it depends on what the pH level is. So there's these little tabs you put in, they change color. I don't have the tabs. So I know how much to put in, but based on what it needed, I think I put in a little too much. Yeah. My bit is, you know.
More is more. So I put in a little too much. What'd you do yesterday, LLB? Yesterday, I watched The Hangover 2, which is, it looks like somebody took the script from The Hangover and just used some whiteout for the locations and the names. Same movie? It's the same exact. I mean, it's a formula, I guess, that works for them. Yeah. Was it funny? Yeah, it's funny. It was just really predictable. It was funny. I thought how Zach Galifianakis would call Thailand, Thailand. Thailand, yeah. That made me giggle. Zach Galifianakis was the star of that. Oh, yeah. He's genius. He had some really funny lines. Did he call it Thailand because his tooth was knocked out? No, Thailand. Thailand? Because it's spelled that way. He was reading a speech. He goes, here in Thailand. Yeah, a couple times. This was pretty funny. Yeah. Other than that, it's the same thing. It is the same thing. Jay, what about you? I did a little research into Burning Man to find out exactly what the cost, the travel time. So they actually charge you to go to Burning Man. Oh, my gosh. It is huge money. They've got three tiers. It starts anywhere at $240 and goes all the way up to $390. Yeah. Your ticket, all it does is get you in and a place to camp. That's it.
Okay, and you said yesterday... Well, in some places there's like a concert or, you know... And you said yesterday, this isn't about... Burning Man's not about concerts. It's about living art kind of thing. It's about being a hippie and like being naked and covered in mud and doing peyote. Somebody put a video up on the Mikey Show page yesterday and it shows them reading like a Dr. Seuss book from all the people out there. Man, it gives you a good cross sample of all the people that are at Burning Man from young to old. Well, if there's no concerts though, Jay, what do you pay for? What are you actually, what are you giving that money for? You're paying to be a part of the community. Wow. You're paying the cops off. You're basically saying you guys look the other way and here's your payout. Well, the cops are on the perimeter. You know, they can't come in and they have, they call it Black Rock Rangers, I think it is. And there's like, you can look at it on, I looked at it on Google Maps. The city is like 500,000 strong, something like that. And it's like this big horseshoe and then the man is out in the middle. And it's like 12 hours to drive there from here. So I'm thinking I can leave on a Friday. Oh my gosh. Leave on a Friday right after we get off. Would you take your wife? Yeah, I'm thinking it'd just be the two of us to go. Just the two of you.
put the kids with somebody else. And Kim is okay with this sort of community living, this sort of commune hippie-ism? You camp in your own area, but you go and explore and see all the stuff. It's amazing. People don't live there year-round, right? No. I mean, there's people that are there. I met a guy last time I was there, and he'd been there all year. Now, Jay let us know yesterday. Last time he was there, he was nude, except for a very small leather... You know, like Tarzan. Picture Tarzan. I think it was pleather. Yeah, picture Tarzan. Oh, man. Okay, wearing his, you know. Loin cloth. Loin cloth. Covered in mud. Loin cloth. From head to toe. He was covered from head to toe, and he was out there grilling food. Burgers. Probably on LSD. Probably. Minus the problem. Hair sticking up. Hair sticking out. Straight up. I will say that the burgers had mushrooms with them, so. Oh, my gosh. He's such a hippie. Portebellum. Yep. Portebellum. For the vegetarians in you. Portebellum mushrooms. And you just meet people and just love them. By the end of it, I was hugging people. Yeah, they were all topless women. But, yeah, I was caught up in the moment. Maria, give me another hug.
I remember as soon as we got there, we had to go check in someplace, and I was walking down this little road between these cars, and these guys were standing out there with swords that were wrapped in, like, foam. Swords? And I had to full-on get into battle with this guy. It ended up for our party to go on. En garde? No, no. You had to battle? He was like, none shall pass. And they had swords, and they were all dressed up. I would have punched him in his throat. He was huge. He had a full-on real shield and a padded sword. So they handed me a... He and I got into a sword fight. Yeah, we sword fought. We fought for 15 minutes. What the heck? And his buddy just stood there. We're falling over cars. We're knocking things over. I mean, it was a full-on... Sounds awesome. Trying to kill each other. My goodness. But he'd hit you. It wouldn't really hurt. And then after... So our group got to pass. You shall pass. The next group coming down, the other guy grabs a sword and they did the same thing to the next group of people. None shall pass. Do you have to fight for your right to party? Yeah, literally. Can you imagine me in that environment?
It would be... I'm an ultra-conservative Christian American. I can't think of something that would be that good. Like, there's nothing that good. It'd be a reality show. Oh, let's go. It'd be a reality show. If they did a documentary, they could do a two-hour documentary. It would be Mikey at Burning Man. And a guy, a naked dude, saying, none shall pass. High on peyote. And I've got to fight him to get out? It would be the best-selling documentary of all time. Everyone's on drugs. Crying out loud. There's people of all arts. Not everybody. Just everybody. Yes, everybody. Everyone. No. Just reeking of pot. No. It's worse than that. No. It's way worse. No. Burnt hair. No. Hey, LLB, you'll really like this. They got this thing called... girl came up with it weird uh it's called the phone stack and it's meant to get people off of their phones from texting and stuff like that when you go out to eat with them about time yeah here's how you keep them from texting and emailing and doing all that stuff when you go out to dinner and she put this on her blog and it's blown up it's become like they're talking about it on everything uh
But basically the deal is that when you go out to eat with your family or friends, everybody puts their phone in a big pile in the center of the table face down. As they start buzzing and beeping and all that stuff, they're going to ring throughout the meal. No one's allowed to grab theirs and check on it. Now, if you do, you've got to pick up the check. Huge. Freaking huge. It was a 20-year-old girl named Steffi in Ventura, California who came up with it. And posted on our blog six days ago. It's blowing up. You guys stack your phones. Stack your freaking phones. Yeah, I came up with my stupid boyfriend. That's all he does. I love it. We should do it next time we all go to lunch. Hey, listen. You should do it for a meeting. It's a true story. You have to pay for the meeting. That's right. If you're in a relationship right now, there is something that could happen that makes you 21... times more likely to have a heart attack. What is it? If this happens, you are 21 times more likely to have a heart attack. If this happens, I'll tell you what it is next.
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This year, I resolve to be a better friend. I resolve to listen to you more and to be more sympathetic whenever you're feeling down. Awesome. And I resolve to save more money and get amazing deals this year. Starting with Kohl's savings resolution sale this weekend, I'm going to get $10 Kohl's cash for every 50 I spend. Mind if I borrow that one too? No problem. Don't miss Kohl's savings resolution sale starting Friday. Everyone gets $10 Kohl's cash for every 50 spent. No limits. Kohl's. Expect great things. Here at Stater Brothers, we know you're always looking for great value without compromising quality. That's why we continue to offer you the products you love for less, the quality you've come to expect, and the friendly service you deserve. This week... Stock up and save on fresh, California-grown, grade-A Foster Farms chicken half-breasts with ribs attached. A real deal at 99 cents a pound for the convenient family pack. Don't miss out on any size package of fresh, boneless, top-sirloin steak. Value priced at only $2.99 a pound. California-grown Cuties Tangerines are a sweet buy at just $2.49 for the three-pound bag. And sweet...
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accident on the 805 northbound from 32nd Street, Adams Avenue, all the way to about Home Avenue. This report, it's also brought to you by Allstate. Get better protection with a personal touch. Your local Allstate agent will help you get the coverage that's right for you at the best possible price, dollar for dollar. Nobody protects you like Allstate. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't like it when it's cheap. Lauren. I was a bit of a pyro when I was a kid. Woods. I haven't moisturized in days. Dying. And Jay. I'm an awesome beer drinker on the course. On FM 94.9. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's L-O-B. That's Jay. Our phone screener is Nicole. If you're an M1, you're a Mikey show listener. All right, you are committed to the cause of the Mikey show. You listen exclusively to the Mikey show. And when you call in, you turn your radio down, get to the point, you don't cuss. That's what makes you an M1. So listen to this. The first day after someone you love passes on, your risk of a heart attack is 21 times greater than on any normal day. 21 times. Broken heart, pal. During the rest of the week, six times more likely to have a heart attack. And the risk declines over the first month, but still stays pretty high. Higher than normal anyway.
And it's because all the physical symptoms that you got, the grief and all that stuff, stress to the heart. And so that just goes to show you, you're one person. You're one person, and it takes its toll on you. Yes, sir. Woodsy, what's happening in the sporting world? Well, the Chargers Brain Trust, and I use that term loosely, has let us, the fans, know that there will be some significant personnel changes next year. And I'll run through a couple of positions. That may be affected. Luis Castillo era is probably over. He is owed $4.9 million in 2012. And they're saying it hasn't really been a waste. But he busted his leg. Busted his leg opening day last year. So Antonio Gray probably gone as well on the offensive line, which was just in tatters this year. Marcus McNeil had that neck problem. He's going to have to pass a physical. Chris Dielman. Had a seizure last year. He's got to decide whether it makes sense for him to come back.
Nick Hardwick may be retiring. He's 30 years old. Wow. Even though he's still an unrestricted free agent, even if they don't. At the running back position, they're looking. They want to sign Mike Tolbert. Mike Tolbert wants a long-term deal. They're just not sure if they're going to do it. They probably will make a run for Jacob Hester to keep him kicking. Nobody really cares about. And on the defensive back, Steve Gregory is probably going to be gone. The big question is, what are they going to do with VJ, Vincent Jackson? Are they going to give him that long-term deal? Are they going to let him roll? I hope not. I know, me too. Also, this weekend, man, I'm so excited. What a weekend. Playoff football, man. So Saturday, you've got the Saints at the Niners. Actually, I'm going to start at the early game. The first game is the 10-6 Texans against the 12-4 Ravens in Baltimore. The next game is Saturday. It's the Saints at the Niners. That's going to be an incredible game. Actually, it's 1 o'clock Eastern for the Texans-Ravens, which is 10, and then 1.30 for the Saints-Niners. Then Sunday, the early game.
is the Giants at the Packers. That's going to be a really good game. The Giants are playing lights out right now, and the Packers are 15-1. And that game's at 1-30. And then your Broncos-Patriots game. Is that Sunday? Gosh, I'm an idiot. It's Saturday. Yeah, I thought so. Yeah, Broncos at Patriots. I want to ask you this. As a Tim Tebow lover, Mike Esparza, a lover of Tim Tebow. You are. You love Tim Tebow. You love Tim Tebow. You love him. It's fine. It's fine. You've already admitted you love Justin Bieber and Chris Brown. You can admit that you love Tim Tebow. Yeah, plenty of people do. Would you say that there is sort of a Tebow mania in the country? No question. He's American Idol. Yeah, so it's not like I'm a Tim Tebow lover, as you put it. Well, you are, but here's the deal. I'm going to ask you this honestly, and don't... Don't be all biased. Just answer with your heart. Does this guy have a chance to beat the Patriots? 100% has a chance. In Foxborough. Of course he has a chance. Does he have a real chance? 100% has a real chance. Do you think he will win? You know what? In fact, I said this the other day. Ian was over yesterday. My dude from Tried and True. He was over putting in a we. And he said.
What do you think of Tebow this weekend? And I said, I almost think he plays better the bigger the game is. And that's evidenced by the one playoff victory that he has? Listen, when he was a college football player, he thrived in high-pressure situations and in games that meant something. Yeah, so did Vince Young in college. So did Matt Leiner in college. So did Mark Sanchez. So did LLB in college. Powderpuff. Look, here's the deal. I will bet you. I'll give you two touchdowns, and he's not going to win. Oh, easily. I'll give you two. I would easily take that bet. Easily. I'll give you two touchdowns. Oh, yes. There's no way. That's a risky bet. And I believe that they may win outright, that the Broncos may win outright. Now, I'm not sure. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Hang on, hang on. I don't want anybody to be confused. I'm not like a Denver Bronco fan. I'm just saying what I think may happen in this game. You're a Tebow fan no matter where he goes. Oh, gosh. How do you not get behind the guy? He's fun to watch play. You know, he's running around all over. He's a virgin and he wants to stay that way. Oh, my gosh, L.O.B. I will bet you. I'll give you.
I'll give you 14 points, and if you win the bet, I will stand on the corner of Friars and Frazee in a jersey, in a Tebow jersey. That's it, though. Don't wear anything else. No pants? No shorts? I want you to look like you're wearing a nightie. I want it to look like a Tim Tebow nightie. Extra large Tebow. Just an XL nightie? Yes. Nightie. No shoes? No nothing? You know what you can wear? You can wear those socks that are the ankle socks. You know what I'm talking about? Black or white? Pink. Pink. Yeah, maybe pink. There's nothing filthy. Oh, hold on. I got to figure out what I want from you. All right. We almost shook. We almost did. You should cut a Tebow haircut into Mikey's. Well, he doesn't have any freaking hair. And I won't do anything pornographic. Oh, I was going to have you and I. We were going to play tummy sticks, you and I. I figured you might. You will take us all out to lunch. All of us. I'm in. At the Cheesecake Factory, and we get to feast. And I mean apps, desserts, the whole bit.
But you, my friend, have to wear a toupee. A bad, and I mean, it's going to be a long lunch. We're actually going to do our show meeting there and have a long lunch. I will agree to this. A toupee? But I have questions. Oh, fire away. Do they make horseshoe-shaped toupees? I'll find one. Oh, my gosh. Find some good toupees for us. The Costanza. The Costanza. Okay, I have questions. Fire away. will it be private and no M1s know when I'm going to be there? No, it will not be. We're going to let everybody know the payoff of the bet. It would be like me saying, will me standing on the corner be private? We're not going to let anybody? No, it's about embarrassing us. That's true. That's a fair payoff, yeah. Oh, they can come. They can say hello to get their picture taken with you the whole bit. That ends up on the internet. Oh, well, so does mine. Yeah. In a nightie. Yeah. Nobody will take a picture. You're a clown. Yeah, you're a clown. I want you. Hey, guys, you here for the T-Bow lunch? Oh, my gosh. Hey, guys, are you here to see me in my tube? Last time we all. Two touchdowns? Two touchdowns. Done. Look at this. Look at this. Done. Done. Shaken upon. Okay. I give you two. You're giving me two touchdowns. Okay, so lest anybody not understand what's going on here.
Woodsy says that in order for him to not be out there in a nightie, that the Patriots must win this game by two touchdowns or more. You know what? Two touchdowns, I lose. If it's 14 points, I'll lose. I won't even do the push. So they have to go past. Yeah, 15. You're great. The Patriots will win by 15. There's no question. Oh, wow. And if I lose, I have to wear a bad toupee. And take us all out to lunch. And take you all out to lunch in the Cheesecake Factory and M1s get to know when. Yeah, and they can come by. And the Cheesecake Factory is just right down here in Mission Valley at Fashion Valley Mall. Wow, you guys. And I mean a bad toupee. And here's my bit. You can't do funny. What is the rest of my attire? Just whatever you would wear to work. And you can't be like, hey, look at my bad toupee. You just got to walk in like normal and deadpan. Yep. Deadpan, like the whole thing. Hey, I'm not telling you what your attitude needs to be in your nightie. Well, I think it's pretty obvious my attitude will be mortification. But here's the deal. There is a good chance that guy didn't complete one single throw on Sunday. There is that chance with this guy. You're such a D.
I'm not, man. I'm not. There's a chance. No, Woods. Oh, yeah. That he's not going to complete a pass. Yes. That's just rude. That's rude. It's not rude. It's an observation and it's an opinion. It's not rude and it's not wrong. It's my opinion. You believe that he won't complete a pass. I didn't say that I believe that. I said that is a possibility. No, you believe that he won't. No. I believe you believe that. I believe you believe there's a good chance. I think a blind squirrel finds a nut sometimes. You throw a little screen, that's one. There's a chance that guy can't get a throw off. Eat something disgusting for every pass that he completes. Define disgusting. Like a grasshopper? Yeah, I'm not eating a grasshopper. No, I don't eat insects. Cricket. I don't eat insects. Spider. Worm. A caterpillar. No! A grub. A mouse. A frog. Give me a food. I'll do a food. Kitten. Donuts. Oyster. Oysters? I hate oysters. What are they? Oysters. Here, just watch me real quick. Ready? Oyster. Oyster. No, no, no. You're wrong. You still got it wrong. Oyster. Oyster. Now you got it. That's better.
So I will eat an oyster. Oyster. Oyster. Yeah, I'll eat an oyster. For every completed pass. Great. Three oysters I'll have to choke down at most. Can we blend them up? I hope the game plan this weekend to throw the Patriots off is that they're going airborne. And I hope he's 20 for 35. Well, look, last week when everyone was like, oh, my God, Chibo is amazing. Guy completed 10 passes. At the worst case, I'm eating 10 oysters, which I will vomit. There is no getting around that. You should have to chew them. Raw. I mean, these are raw oysters. They're on the shell, right? These are raw oysters. On the shell. Oyster. Oyster. Perfect. Done. Two bets. Dang it. We have two bets happening simultaneously. I'm all the way in. You guys just got yourself into some trouble. Especially you would. Yeah, me, as usual. Mr. Fryer cut himself. Well, not according to you. According to you, the Patriots are going to smack him. There's no question. They may win by 35. And you're going to be... You're going to have to explain to your wife why you laid out for $100 lunch. I believe, though. I believe... And you could say no. You can completely grow a vag and say no to this. But shouldn't you...
Shouldn't we up the ante if the Broncos win outright in Foxborough? If the Broncos, without your two touchdowns, they win the game. You've got to admit, that would be something. That would be huge. If the Broncos went into Foxborough and won outright. Why are you rooting for the Chargers' rival? I am not. Their biggest rival. I am not. I am saying. That would be something else. What would you like me to do if they went out right? Does that mean... I'll tell you. Okay. I would like you to lick Jay's armpit. Ew. Oh, Mikey. He doesn't wear deodorant either. Oh, he's a hippie. All right. Oh, my gosh. Done. If they went out right, I'll lick them. Hey, I'll lick them both. Yeah. I'm not bathing this weekend. Peace on that. Why do you do that to yourself? Because I'm an idiot. You can lick both my armpits. You can take it off the table. I'm giving you the opportunity. I'm not a P word. I've been eating onions. I'm armpit onion guy right now. He told me that earlier today. I'm going to keep going. I think that just for this bet, you should not apply deodorant this weekend. Oh, I'm going to go all weekend without showering. And I'm going to skate my butt off. I'm going to be a...
I almost retched. I did too. I almost retched. I'm going to go out of my way to be smelly. I almost retched. All right. It's not going to happen. M1 Jim from Ocean Beach. Are you there? All right, Mikey. How's it going there? Mike's show. You guys doing good this morning? Yes, we are. Yes, we are. All right, Mikey. I just wanted to know if you're going to cry when the heavens collide. And the angel that is TFV, Tom Brady. Yeah. And Tim Tebow. And Keebo goes down. Like, are you going to cry? Hey, listen. Keebo cries. The odds are completely against him. You know that. Oh, yeah. He's underdog. Big time. You know that. I mean, the odds are really against him. But this is what you have to keep in mind. It's when the odds are really down on a guy that a guy picks himself up and shows the world that he can win.
Tebow driving the team down the field. Unbelievable that this is happening in Foxborough. But it looks like Tim Tebow is now in a fourth down situation. But they're behind by six points. So the only way that they win this game is on this fourth down play. Ladies and gentlemen, the AFC Championship will come down to this one play. Tebow under center. Tebow takes the ball. He's rolling back to pass. Is he going to make them? No, he's taking it himself. He's to the 10. Tebow beating the Patriots in Foxborough. It's absolutely all you have to say. I just want to thank my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and say I didn't think this was possible. But I'll tell you what, man. We came out here to play today. All these guys, they're working so hard. All these guys were there. It's not just me. It's everyone who's offensive linemen. They all worked together. We all filled together. It was one big effort. We're going to take this thing on now, okay? We're going to Baltimore. We're going to Baltimore Ravens next week. We're going to play for the AMC Championship. The Lizards are the city of Denver. We're joining Sanders in North Denver. Thank you.
Probably never happened, but hey, listen. You'd still have to kick that extra point to win the game. You just tied it. We just tied it. That's all we did. We just tied it? Yeah. Six points. That was very touching, except that was also in Foxborough at the time that we beat the Chargers. Insult to injury? Sad and insult to injury. I got beat up when I was a little kid. You want to talk about that? Yes. Hey, Mikey, just want to remind you, you don't work over at KIOZ anymore, Hal, because all your buddies, they said so long. Yeah, they left you. There you go. I'm 31. My eggs are drying up. We can talk about that if you want. Hey, I was adopting a kid last year, and it fell through, so we can talk about that one, too. Don't forget, Mike, you're fat. Mike, do you remember what happened to you when you were a little kid? Just wanted to remind you, pal. Hey, do you remember when you were a raging alcoholic and had to go to Betty Ford? Yes, I do. We should talk about all the funerals we went to last year. Listen, Jim, I'm telling you. I'm telling you. Lightning can strike, pal. Lightning can strike. You never know.
There's no way. That's why I gave you 14 points. You gave me 14 points. That was insulting. It's just insulting to my ego. At kickoff, when that ball gets kicked, it's 14-0 Broncos. Woods, I'm going to watch this game with more, and I mean this. I mean this. Oh, me too. Because when I was at the old station, I never made bets. I left the bets up to everybody else. I'm making this bet. For every completion. That he makes, as you watch this game this weekend, M1 Nation, know that Woods is going to swallow a disgusting... Two. Two. Hey, Woods. Liquid snot. Woods. It's like a booger. I had oysters. Oysters are like boogers. You're going to be... I know. Yeah. I've had them once, and I almost threw up. Yeah. Can I put sauce on them? Every time he makes a completion, that's one oyster. Oyster. Maybe she should just eat them from my armpit. Jay. Oyster. Oyster. Yeah. Dang it. He's got it now. He's got it. Love it. And if they win outright, which they probably won't. The Broncos will probably not win outright. But if they do, you've got to lick his armpit. Armpits. Okay. Now, if the Patriots win the game, but they don't win by at least 15 points, you're in a 90. Yeah. But if they do.
I'm in a bad toupee. We'll do a sign, and I'll hold up a sign. We'll do our sign bit, Friars and Frisee, and I'll wear. Can I wear, like, I can wear boxers, right? I would rather you wear, like, a Speedo so that it. All right, I'll wear a Speedo. I want it to look like you're in a 90. Like I'm a girl that's trying to be sexy. Like, L.O.B. did that one time for her boyfriend Matt. You wore that jersey, the Steelers jersey? Yeah. Are we going to be able to find a jersey that big? Extra, extra, extra large. Extra, extra, extra. They make them up to like 3XL. I don't mean to add insult to Injury Woods, but Nicole really thought that was funny. Of course she did. Of course she did. That got her. That one got her. You should hold up a sign that says you will Tebow for donuts. Everybody knows that about it. If people bring you donuts, you have to go into a Tebow stand. That's actually a true statement. That's a true statement. He actually would. M1 Bud from Mira Mesa, you there? You bet. What's up? Now, I'm thinking for every completion Woodsy or Tebow makes, Woodsy's got to eat something gross, an oyster. Yeah. What about, Mikey, you eating something nasty for every incompletion?
piece of cantaloupe, piece of cantaloupe, piece of cantaloupe, piece of cantaloupe, piece of cantaloupe, piece of cantaloupe, piece of cantaloupe. Dude, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hang on a second here. I don't like, I don't like raw oysters any more than you do. Don't you? You're a liar. Yeah, you actually love them. You love them. How big do the cantaloupe pieces have to be? Dice. It's cubed. Cubed. You'll be eating a garden of cantaloupe. Just so you know. Dude, he's going to throw. Because see, that's the deal. Last week, 10 of 21. You're going to have to eat some oysters. You know. Maybe. You know. A couple. Okay. Okay. So if he has a bad game, you're eating four. Right. If he has a bad game, you're eating four. Yeah. Yeah. If he has a great game, I'm eating four. You're eating 10. No, I'm eating 10 if he has a great game. Yeah, he was 10 of 21 last weekend. And that was a great game for him. That's 11 pieces. I'd have to eat 10. That's not fair. That's not fair. It's not fair. Hey, bud, that's not fair. Give me something here. You got to pad me. Interceptions, maybe? Interceptions. Interceptions. Or fumbles. Interceptions, fumbles, fumbles lost. Turnovers. Yeah, I'll do turnovers. I'll even go cantaloupe on you. Cantaloupe for turnovers. I mean, I'll go cantaloupe and I'll even go, what's that other disgusting?
Cucumber. Both of them skeeve me out to no end. Oh, this is going to be a freaking blast on Monday. I cannot wait. So if he turns the ball over. You eat a piece of cantaloupe. I'll eat a piece of cantaloupe for every turnover that he causes. Yeah, and that's fumble and fumbles lost. Interceptions. Yeah, and interceptions. Is that fair, bud? I suppose I can live with that. Hey, dude, because it just isn't fair the other way. Yeah, that's not fair because there's going to be a lot of incompletions. I love the bet bit so much. I love it. We've got to watch the game together. Oh, yeah, let's do it. We've got to watch the game together. It's Saturday night, and it'll be at 5 o'clock. Yeah. All right? All right. And we will record audio. Yeah. We'll record audio. Oh, that's rad. We'll record audio. It all comes together real sweetly. Oh, yeah. What do one in five men not do every day, and 5% of women don't do it every day? Oh.
I like it. I like it. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. More coming up in just a couple. FM 94.9. Hey, gang, it's your old pals, Woodsy and Alibi. Once again, for Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. The deal's so nice, you got to say it twice. That's exactly right. And if you've got two eyes that you have to weasel contacts into every day and you got those. My glasses, when I used to drive, I used to try to. I would clean them on my shirt and they'd get all smudgy. Sometimes I would have my glasses on and then I'd be driving home and it would be all sunny and I'd have to put my sunglasses on top of my glasses. That's not dorky at all, is it? Listen, both of us, LOB and I, went to Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. We met with Dr. Sandy T. Feldman and her amazing staff. And it's a really easy procedure. You go in, you do a free consultation. They do a quick look at your eyes, make sure you're a good candidate.
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deeply discounted overstocked gear. Up to 90% off list. Don't see what you want on clearance? Create your own clearance deal by downloading a 10% off coupon from GuitarCenter.com. Good on thousands of non-clearance items. Start the new year with everything you didn't get last year. But hurry, it's first come, first served. Guitar Center's January clearance. In-store and online. Every day it's the same old thing. All work, no play, and no free lunches. Will at Harrah's Ring Con break the routine? All you have to do is play 30 minutes, earn 25 reward credits, and you'll get a free buffet. There's no strings attached, just big, juicy pieces of prime rib. Offer valid from Sunday through Thursday, open to close. Harrah's Ring Con. Come out and play. Must be 21 or older to gamble. No one to stop before you start. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-522-4700. Owned by the Recon Band of Luis San Luis. Finished by H. Cal LLC. Copyright 2012. Caesar's License Company, LLC. This report, it's brought to you by Account Temps, the leader in temporary financial staffing. Download the new 2012 salary guide at AccountTemps.com slash Salary Center, a Robert Half Company. Big delay here on the 805, the 805 northbound at the 80s. They've got tow trucks on the scene, but this backup really takes you far from El Cajon Boulevard.
Ooh, I'm going to swing it all the way down. Looks like to Sweetwater Road, 27 miles an hour. That's where it starts to pick up, but everything else in between there, about 7 miles an hour. Another incident here on the 163 southbound at the 5, and then you've got a hit and run that happened on the 52 eastbound right past the 805 southbound. This report brought to you by ExxonMobil. At Exxon & Mobile, their smart gasoline works at the molecular level to help remove deposits so your car will run cleaner. It's just one more way they make gasoline work harder for you. I'm Stacey. Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. This is Bird, Bird Surfshed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for you Thursday morning, brought to you by Joe Roper's Surf for Repair. If you ding them, he fixes them, so check them out down on Marina Boulevard. Tell them Bird sent you. Surf-wise today, slow decrease is out there as expected. That swirl that filled in so nicely a couple days ago. Gradually tapering off out of the west-northwest, secondary-southwest joining in today as well. Still pretty fun, though. Waist, chest, shoulder-high waves can be found. Top spots, maybe a few larger ones on occasion. Looking pretty fun. High clouds now keeping the sun out of your eyes this morning, and winds are calm, so it's clean. Beach breaks have some waves. It's a bit more broken up than it has been. Even the reefs have some surf right now, too, but that high tide later in the morning will slow a lot of those spots down, so you either have to jump on it early or wait for it later.
Once again, another day of surf. For up-to-the-minute surf reports forecast, go to surflime.com. For your surfboard repair and restoration needs, go see Joe Roper. The authentic surf report can be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 authentic surf report. Let's get to the point. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the program. I'm your diminutive friend. Woods. I am real talented, but I'm not stupid. Lauren. I accidentally had a piece of beef yesterday. Yes! And Jay. I like my coffee black. On Anthem 94.9. That's a good one. Welcome back. It's the Mikey Show. If you're an M1, you listen to the Mikey Show exclusively. When you call into our program, you turn your radio down. Get to the point and don't cuss. It's the number one thing you do that grosses me out. I know. That's why I do it, my friend. When you do the sh**. and then you lick your finger. It's so gross. It's sex pervert. Sex perverts. No, even sex perverts think that's disgusting. Yeah, I know I do. Sitting there eating floppy bacon, just licking your finger. Me? I don't eat any bacon. Listen to this. One in five men admit that they do not change their underwear daily. One in five men. It's hideous.
Jay, you fit into that. Yeah, I do not because I don't wear underwear. Well, yeah, but your shorts count as your underwear. I change my shorts every day. I do. Five percent. Don't say it. Don't say it, dude. Of women. Don't either. Lauren. Please. I change like three times a day. I must have a problem. Even the editor of this article in parentheses put. With all due respect, in a way, don't those 5% seem grosser than the guys? Honestly, they wrote it in the article. And yet the answer is yes. The answer is yes, that does seem grosser. Not to me. Not to me either. Well, not to me because, first of all, I'm into weird Scandinavian pornography.
I have my glands are going. I know, I know, I know, I know. You guys are the ones, 20% of you filters. I am fanatical about changing my underwear. Me too. And I wear boxers, so it's not, you could get away with boxers for a couple days in a row. No, you can't. No, you can't. You can't get away with wearing anything a couple days in a row. No, you can't get away. More than man panties you can. Dude, you can't get away with wearing any undergarment for more than a day. That's true. It's disgusting. And if you're listening and you're a dude and you don't change your panties every day, you're disgusting. It's gross. Women's panties typically come up into crevices more than ours do. That's true. Yours gets all up in there when you sit down. Yeah, it's true. It does. That's true. A man should change every human. Yeah, every day. Change your stuff. Go commando. Quit wasting clothing and go commando. Oh, gosh. I'd probably change my boxers twice a day. Every day. You change them twice a day? Yeah, because I put on a pair in the morning to come to work, right? Then if I go to the gym, I work out in those, and then I come home and shower. That makes sense. And then put some fresh ones on. Makes sense. Because they're all sweaty. You wear boxers underneath your workout? Yeah, you would know. It's true. You do? You wear boxers underneath your workout stuff? That's weird. What about compression shorts? I kind of feel dorky. I've done it before. I kind of feel dorky. Doesn't everything flap around? The one time I did a jock strap.
You did? Yeah, Jay pulled my pants down then, too, and I had a freaking jock on. Remember that? The guy loves to pants people. He loves to pants you. Me. You get so emotional about it. That's another dig. He's trying to get you. He won't apologize or admit that he's wrong. Even my wife gave me a hard time about it yesterday. I bet she did. Yeah, because Woods was singing the national anthem, and you came behind him and pantsed him in the middle of it. Gave truth. And I kicked him really hard. That's what that slap you hear is. The hit. The cheap shot where you punched me in the butt hurt worse. Well, Jay doesn't apologize for stuff like his wife. And he's so insensitive. He's just insensitive. His wife could catch him making love to another woman. He'd be like, what? You drove me to her arms. He'd do that or he'd go like this.
That's true. Never happened. Oh, come on. Suck it up. Suck it up, you P-word. I'm with another woman. Suck it up. You get so sensitive. You're such a Sally. Wah, wah, wah. I cheated. Wah. Get over it. Gosh, darn. Get over yourself. Get over yourself. It was seven hours ago. Gosh, you still crying? Guy's got a heart of stone. A black. He admits it. He admits it. It is. You guys are just oversensitive. We're oversensitive. God, I'm sweating now. Weird. 22% of men in a new survey. That's one in five. Yeah, that's disgusting. Say they don't change their stuff every day. That's disgusting. M1 Jessman from Valley Center. Are you there? Yeah, what's going on, guys? Not too much. What's up? Just on the lines of that, you know, I go to college and there's so many guys that don't wash their hands when they go to the bathroom. That's like a guy that will deuce and not wash his hands is a hideous monster. That is a fanged no woods. That's not true. I've done it before. I do the quick. I have no soap. Yeah, you've done it. I've seen you do it too. No, no, no, no, no.
You weren't listening. You weren't listening. Deuce. Yes, I was. I was listening. Sure. You're wearing your hands on the water and you grab a towel. You're good. Woods, I do that. And admittedly, when it's a numero uno, I do that. You guys are touching the same stuff in the bathroom, I hope you know, when you go number one or number two. That's right. And you know me. I admitted that I like Chris Brown and Justin Bieber the other day. You and I have been to the sink before and you've been like, hey, let's do the fake hand wash bit. Right. After a... Numero uno. Yeah. I have never. No, Woods. No. I'm being honest with you. I believe him. Okay. I'm being honest with you. And the reason is because I don't want to deal with myself. You don't poo in your hands, so you're in good shape. I know. I know. But you're touching the handle of where other people have pooed on their hands. Right. And doesn't it make you a skeevy? No. I don't care. I try not to get all freaked out about germs and whatnot. If I don't think about it, he's bringing that in here with him. He's bringing it in here, touching everything. Not me. All three of you are. No, no, because when I go in and, one, I just come out of there, I don't touch anything. You don't touch the handles to the door. Do you wash your hands after one? I use a paper towel. Do you wash your hands after one? I'll just drag them into the water. We call it the fake wash. The fake wash. But two, you've got to go big. You've got to do the scrub. Well, I don't poo in my hands, so I'm in good shape. So I still just do the rinse sometimes. If I'm in a hurry.
Out of principle, you should. I mean, it's just out of principle. Fine, I will from now on. Now I know. Thank you. M1 Debbie from Vista. Yes. Are you there? Yes, I am. Go ahead. L.O.B. is putting... sanitizer on her hands as we speak. I think I test the same pen as Woods. Oh, gosh. I didn't know you were poo fingers. I'm not poo fingers. They're under the water. They're under the water. From this moment on, you are. They're under the water. From this moment on, you're poo fingers. I don't buy your bit, by the way. Okay, poo water fingers. Easy, P.F. I don't buy your bit, by the way. Debbie, go ahead. Okay, I think it's actually guys that are in relationships that don't change their underwears often because they have no one to impress. Hey. But guys who are dating. They actually change them more often. So I think you should redo the test and see how many people are in a committed relationship. Debbie, are you married? Yes. And your husband doesn't change his underwear? Nope. Oh, man. I'm telling you. And he also will wear the same pair of socks for a week. Oh, that's not good. That's worse. That ain't good. That is eight different ways of nasty, man. Can I ask you, Debbie, is he showering and putting back the same...
Old underwear? Or is it just skipping both? He actually just did that last night. He showered and put on the same one. So I just put these on in the morning. Here's my question, Debbie. Here's my question. Does he not have a lot of underwear? No, he has enough. I make sure of it. Now, have you ever asked him about it and been like, hey, how come you don't throw a freshie on? Yes, all the time. And what's his answer? He says they're fine. Oh, wow. Debbie, does he manscape? He says he doesn't sweat. Does he manscape anymore? Okay, good. Every now and then. He's married, so he's given up. Hey, listen, I'm married. I change those things every single day. I feel like if I took a shower and put back the same skivvies, it would negate the shower. Of course. Like, you only shower for that part of your body, really. I mean, I'm telling you. I mean, that's what a shower's about. The undercarriage and all that. The undercarriage. You're right. You're exactly right. I get the arms and then the undercarriage and I'm good. Armpits. Armpits. You know what that's like? Hair. That is like brushing your teeth and instantly eating a chili dog. Yeah. Exactly. That's exactly right. And then going to bed. Biting into an onion, a chili dog, and a donut. Yes. And being like, okay, I'm good. And then going right to sleep. And going to sleep. I mean. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Hello. Fellas.
Apparently you're listening because 22% of you, it says one in five. Change your underpants. Change your freaking underpants. Some guy's in his car laughing. He's laughing. He's like, hey. Dirty underwear butt off. Yeah. Hey, dirty Doug. Yeah. Dirty Doug. Change your stuff. Change it. Change it. Hey, poopy Paul. Can I bring out with poo fingers? Quit wearing those. Oh, boy. Yeah, PF, I didn't know you were up to that. I'm not poo fingers. I don't poo on my hands. Poofingers. Poofingers. You're a 36-year-old man right now, and you don't like being called Poofingers. I don't care. What do I care? He's acting right now like he doesn't care. We're all grown up with Poofingers. You eat your boogers. What's the difference? Poofingers. Do your worst. You know that L.O.B. is going to get you with this. I'll do your worst. I'm going to come up with a jingle. Well, you keep jingling, I'll keep Poofingering. So how about that? Make a deal right now. We will. You're only hurting yourself, pal. Not me. I'll come in here and sprinkle on your keyboard. Next time you eat ribs, I'm going to remind you of who you are.
I don't eat ribs. As you're licking your fingers. As you put a big fresh dip in. I ate a donut off the bathroom floor. Do you think that I give a crap about poop? He's so right. What about it? You put a dip in all the time. You put a dip in. Yeah, I don't crap in my hand. You are putting poo in your mouth. It is. You all are. Poo gums. If I am, then you all are. I'm not touching you ever again. You're a monster. You guys are never going to kiss again. I know. Never. Not again. It's a one time thing. Oh, my gosh. Listen to this text. It's very short and to the point. My wife wants to do nude pregnancy pictures. Dot, dot, dot. Gross. That'll get you in nothing but trouble. Sad. Oh, yeah. I ain't saying. It's from an M1, but I ain't saying who. Let's just read the phone number over the air. Give everybody his email. I don't think that the nude pregnancy pictures are gross. I do think that they're unusual. What? They are very strange.
They are. It's very weird. You want to capture what your body looks like at that. Why, though? Why? Because it's like a once-in-a-lifetime thing. Or, in some cases, three times in a lifetime. Or sometimes never. Yeah, or sometimes never. In my case. Thank you, Jay, for that, Dick. Sometimes you want to remember what your body looks like. I mean, we've always taken them with Cam. I mean, she didn't take all her clothes off. You've always taken nude photographs of your wife when she's pregnant? Just her stomach, usually. She'll take the shirt off and stand sideways. And hold her boobs? Yeah. And then you get, you know, because we want to go back and go, wow, that was you inside your mom. That's what your mom looked like right before she gave birth to you. You're going to show your kids? Why not? Can't you show it with a dress over it? Yeah. How about show her wearing a tank top? Yeah, you could, but it looks a lot more unique. It looks more naked if it's naked. Right, right. I've seen plenty of people do it, and they do the heart. Over the belly button? Yeah, the hard over the belly button is a good bit. You cover the hoo-hoo and you cover the nipskies. Yeah, you're trying to be Demi Moore. You're trying to be Demi Moore. Personally, I'm going to look hideous if and when I get pregnant if my eggs don't dry up. But I don't want to remember. You don't want to? You're crazy then. I'm going to look hideous. You're crazy then. Kim, what do you do? You take out your nudie prego?
He does. He's into pregnant chicks. They're just mixed in. Hey, Kim. We don't have any plans tonight. You want to break out the pregnancy album? We actually, on Jasper, my youngest son, on our way out the door, she was just about to pop. She's like, we didn't take any pictures. So right before we did, we stood in the living room. No, she took her top off. That's not going to a photographer and getting soft lighting. And a photo session. Wait, but you took her top off. Took her top off so you can see her stomach. But why can't you just... If I do this and pull my shirt up, you can see the belly. What's the point of seeing the skin? That's what I want to know. No, no, no. What's the point? Of nudity. Because you have this shirt all bunched up on there. It's like, oh, wow, we're so uptight that now we can't see ourselves without our clothes on. No, no, we can't see it, but why do we need to see it? Because it's a memory. It's a point in time where she'll never, I mean, in her case, she will never have another kid. So it's like the last chance. She loved being pregnant. She dug it. M1 Kim from San Diego. Are you there? I'm here. Go ahead.
I feel bad for that guy. He's missing out. I have three kids, and I only have one picture of when I was pregnant in Hawaii. No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. We're not saying that it's a bad thing to have pictures when you're pregnant. Nobody's saying that. Everybody thinks that if you're pregnant, you can take pictures. But you've got to have clothes on. You don't have to. Obviously, you don't because they're everywhere. You can go do a photo shoot naked. I'm not saying as... This M1 did that it's gross. I don't think it's gross. I think it's unusual. Now, why do you think it's unusual? I don't understand that. Because, okay, let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. Let's say, let's say that you, let's say that you got a operation on your, I don't know, your back. And it changed the way that you stood. Okay. Would you do a photo shoot of you naked? That's different. Why? Totally different than being pregnant and bringing a child into the world and sharing that with... But what does bringing the child into the world have to do with naked? You don't have to be naked. I mean, you can just show belly pictures. No, no, no. That's what we're talking about. We're talking about the naked ones. This guy that texted in is talking about the nude pregnancy pictures.
Okay, but who is it to see? Just for him to see or for to share? It's for them to share. With each other. Now, I will not go as far as he does as to say that it's gross. I'm not going to say it's gross because I don't think it is. But I do think it's unusual. Nude? But just for the two of them or for extended family members? What's the difference? Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. There is a difference. Well, let me ask you this. If my wife and I decided that, hey, we really like being nude, and we're just going to take nude pictures and hang them on the wall, is that weird? Of course. Of course it's weird. That's another thing. If you want to take a picture of your pregnancy for you and your spouse. to enjoy whatever, 10 years now, 20 years now, just for YouTube, that's fine. Yeah, no problem. But to share with the family nude pictures, that's different. How about posting on Facebook? No, never. Facebook, that's a whole other thing. People do the almost nude pregnancy pictures on Facebook. Yeah, people do that. Well, that's almost nude anyway without being pregnant. What's almost nude? Like covering up, obviously you can't put a nude photo, but covering up things. Twigs and berries. And then, you know. Demi Moore.
Yeah, the Demi Moreland. I've seen those. I've seen those. I've seen the big round belly with another kid kissing that belly. So unusual. That's what makes it fascinating. You're just adventurous. And just perverted. He's into pregnant pornography is what he's into. My wife's pregnant. I really enjoy the farm. I love it. Naked. I love it. Doesn't matter. Pregnant, fat, skinny. Well, not fat. No. I changed my mind. Oh, yeah. I'll do it. Naked. If it's naked, I don't care. Mammal, reptile, don't matter. I prefer mammal because I like hair. Anime, I don't care. As long as it's nude. I'd see Godzilla naked. I don't care. It's Godzilla man or woman. It don't matter. Skin is skin. Skin, skin, and dark. Godzilla could be whatever. I'm on Corey from San Diego. What's up? I think we're all lost sight about this, but what about the kids?
The kids, I don't think they're really going to want to see their parents naked. That's what I was thinking the whole time. Like, I wouldn't want to share, because I wouldn't just stand in front of my kid naked, so why would I show them a picture and be like, that's you? Kids are snoops, man. Kids will go snooping around. I went snooping around. 100%. With my parents, and they're going to be, you know what, I'm finding those. My dad has a bar in the basement, and there's a picture of my mom doing one of those old-time photos. She's laying. Sexy? Yeah, she's laying across the bar in a flapper dress. Oh, God. I went to the mall. All the kids went to the mall so she could give it to them, and it skeeves me out. Oh, L.O.B., you just ruined it. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Old Western gear. Yeah, a bottle of Jack Daniels and, like, a sapia picture and a flapper dress across a bar. That skeeves me out. She's like Mae West wanting to make love to your dad. Come on in here, big boy. Yeah, flapper dress, fishnitz, doggy. Oh, my God. Sailor, just get back from leave. No space to rent in this town. Out of luck. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Text them at 949mikey at gmail.com. Or call Mikey now. 570-1949. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. AT&T U-verse, $29 a month for six months with a total home DVR included. This is great because if you order today.
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Cox and Hornblower Cruises and Events are teaming up and giving away free seafarer passes while supplies last. All you have to do is log on to this station's website and enter for your chance to win. Also, you'll be automatically entered into the drawing for a free Sony Blu-ray disc player. Tis the season to win with Cox and Hornblower Cruises and Events. Sony Blu-ray given away at end of promotion on January 16, 2014. Hey, guys. It's Woodsy, and I am so happy to be back working with my friends at NutriShop. If you didn't know, I was working with them last year. I broke my ankle. I had to stop going to the gym. So what happened? I put on a few extra pounds like we all have. But it's the new year. It's 2012. It's time to get back in the gym. And if you want to lose weight, flatten your midsection, or improve muscle tone, all three of which I desperately need to do, get to NutriShop. There's two locations. There's one in Mission Valley and one in Eastlake. They carry all of the latest cutting-edge nutritional supplements at the guaranteed lowest prices. If you stop in before January 31st, you will get 25% off of your next purchase on all non-sale items. Start this new year off right with NutriShop. Start getting results today. Go in there and talk to these guys, man. They'll do a customized meal plan for you.
The pricing is phenomenal. Check them out at NutriShopUSA.com. This report, it's brought to you by Firestone Complete Auto Care. You need that extra value from your car. Firestone Complete Auto Care can help from oil changes to brake repairs to new tires. Together, they'll keep your car running new or longer. Call 1-800-LOCATE-US for the location nearest you. Wow, lots of slowing right now, especially here on this 805 northbound at the 8 East. There was an accident there earlier. They've still got tow trucks. They're cleaning it up. There's a bunch of debris all over the road. But you've got this major slowing. It's a signal for sure. El Cajon Boulevard all the way through until you get to about H Street, between 23 and 8 miles an hour. Another incident on the 94 westbound. It's before Federal Boulevard. Looks like there's no injuries there, but you are stuck in a backup in that one. And another problem on the 163 southbound at the 5. You've got some delays. Heading up over here on to the 52 westbound, the ramp from the 125. That's about 11 miles an hour. This report brought to you by your city. San Diego County Toyota dealers, Toyota owners, with the new year upon us, now's a great time to bring your car to your neighborhood Toyota dealer. From batteries to tires, Toyota's got you covered. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9.
Good Financial Media Station. And now back to The Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't want to cry. I don't want movies that make me cry. Lauren. If you don't use it, you lose it. Woods. I like to grease the maitre d's from time to time. And Jay. Yeah, I'm not going to play games with him. Just point blank ask him, then I'm going to break his legs. On FM 94.9. We're going to do some grown-up stuff here. Nice. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. That's Woodsy. And let people know The Mikey Show is on FM 94.9. Some people still don't know. Yep. So let people know The Mikey Show is on FM 94.9. That's Woodsy. That's L-O-B. That's Jay. Our phone screener is Nicole. And you know anything about stocks? If you don't, and you just want to know some basic stuff that may actually blow your mind, we've done this. We've done this before. Well, we sort of educate you on this stuff. And you go out there and make yourself some dope. Going to be talking to Joe Terranova, a guy that wrote a book.
Buy high, sell higher. Goes against conventional wisdom, but we'll find out what it's all about. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, I wanted to tell you, man, that this has been the problem with boxing. There's a lack of superstars. That's why the MMA is so popular now. And I got to tell you, as somebody that's not a big MMA fan, those new commercials that they've been showing on Fox are badass. They're awesome. And you know what? I don't have to pay 50 bucks to watch it. I'm going to watch it. This is the problem with boxing. So everybody wants to see Manny Pacquiao. Fight Floyd Mayweather. Floyd publicly called out Pacquiao on Twitter and said, Manny Pacquiao, I'm calling you out. Let's fight May 5th. Give the world what they want to see. Pacquiao's camp has now come out and said, no, we're not going to do it. Doesn't make much financial sense for us to do it. What? It makes me nuts because I love boxing. And the world wants that fight. Of course. They're going to string us along for a couple more years and nobody's going to care. And these guys are going to be. out of their primes anyway. Oh, boy. And if you missed it earlier, it is official. The New York Jets have replaced Brian Schottenheimer as offensive coordinator with Tony Sperano, who was formerly the coach of the Miami Dolphins. So I'm sure Rex will be making his Super Bowl prediction any time very soon. On the phone with me right now, is this Joe Terranova? Yes, it is. Good morning. Good morning. Joe, you wrote a book called Buy High, Sell Higher. Is that correct?
correct and now now that is a great name for a book because the conventional wisdom says buy low sell higher uh and so what can you tell us that we are missing here well it's about being in the confidence business and it's a time to candidly admit what no one wants to admit on wall street the marketing material of wall street is all wrong main street america has been sold a lesson that's incorrect they want you to be like Warren Buffett at the end of the day. If you have the amount of money that Warren has, fine. You could emulate what Warren does and buy and hold on forever. Main Street can't do that. Just look back at 2008. This is the time to get involved, be organized, strategize, do your homework, get in the markets, be more active. Now, in 2008, I didn't own any stocks in anything. I like that. Well, and somebody gave me some great advice. They said... Take whatever it is that you use as a product that you really believe in, that you use on a daily basis, and whatever that thing is, buy stock in it. And at the time, I was really into a product called Apple, and I bought stock in it in 2008. It's done very, very well. Now, my question to you is, if you want to buy stock in Apple now, it's $400 or whatever.
What do you suggest to the average person that's listening right now? How do they get involved in buying stocks? Because it could be good for them in their future. Let's take Apple for an example. Great company. We all know the legacy of Steve Jobs and the incredible ecosystem that's created in terms of their products. But you're also talking about a company that has close to $100 billion worth of cash on its balance sheet. The price of the stock is near $420. What do you do with it? First thing you do, you have an earnings conference call that's going to happen here at the end of January. The following weekend, while you're surfing the web looking to see if the San Diego Chargers will actually make the playoffs for once, what you do is you pull up Apple and you read the earnings teleconference transcript. It'll take you 12 minutes. It's something you should do. four times per year. Where do you read that? You get that on Yahoo Finance. You could get that on Google Finance. It's readily available, and unfortunately, it has not been pointed out to Main Street America that the information's out there. I'm talking to Joe Terranova, who wrote a book called Buy High, Sell Higher. What's it going to tell me? If the confidence story in Apple is still there, if management, if the CFO is still telling you that earnings are going to continue to grow well beyond what...
most U.S. corporations are. It's going to give you comfort and confidence that you want to go buy the stock, even though the price of the stock is high. The next thing you're going to do is you're going to call up your advisor. You're going to work with your team, whoever it is, because you're not going to do this alone. And you're going to say, OK, here's how much I'm willing to lose on this Apple investment. And that's ultimately the most important question. It's not how much you can make. It's how much you're going to lose. You identify. what your risk is, and you place either a price or a time stop in accordingly. Okay, I got a question for you. Shoot. Explain in the most layman's terms to somebody that doesn't know anything about stocks. Woods, for instance, the guy sitting right across from me right now doesn't know anything about stocks. This is grown-up stuff to him, but I've taken an interest in this stuff. I bought one stock on Jay's recommendation and I've lost a ton of dough. Yes, it was a penny stock. Yeah, it was a penny stock. We don't buy penny stocks. Thanks, Jay. Okay, now explain what an ETF is. An ETF is actually a very good vehicle for Main Street America to look at. So let's say you have a particular theme. You like oil. You believe in oil.
And you believe that you and I are going to go around the world. We're going to try and discover as much oil as we possibly can. Well, we're going to need the equipment to do it. So we're going to have all these oil service companies. So there's an ETF. I'm using this as an example. It's called the OIH. And it's collectively all the oil service companies in a basket of one. And you know what I like about it? I've been on Wall Street 21 years. And the reason is because I know I'm not that much smarter than anyone else. Wow. An ETF tells you you're not that much smarter than anyone else. It's a basket. You've got the overall theme. I like oil service names. I believe in oil. But I don't know which company to own, so I want to own them all in a basket. Nice. I found the ETF on accident, and I liked it. What did you find? It is – I'll tell you right now. I found two. One of them is RRF, which is Wisdom Tree. Wisdom Tree Financial. And the other one is IAU. And that's iShares. iShares Gold. A lot of acronyms here. Yes. Well, those are the symbols. Those are the symbols. Those are their symbols. IAU is an iShares Gold. So it's basically saying if inflation gets real bad in the country, we might rely on gold. Is that correct? Did I say that right? Or am I totally off?
You kind of got it right. Let me give you another one that's a great classic example. We all know the financial institutions of the United States are all really been in trouble since the wake of 2008, okay? There's an ETF, the ticker symbol is LQD. In essence, you don't own the equity of financial institutions. You own the debt. And as they continue to build their balance sheet, which is what they're doing, it's a great way to play a recovery. the economy and housing and financial institutions themselves. So to capture your overall theme, I like ETFs, and I think folks should be incorporating them into their portfolio strategy. What can you tell the average guy like Woods that doesn't have anything right now tied up in any stocks, an LOB, same situation, don't know if you guys are interested in getting them, but if you want to get into it and you want to get something going, what would you suggest doing? Well, two things. Number one, we hope that... Giants win on Sunday, but more importantly, how does Woodsy roll around town? What's he driving? Suburban. Okay. 01 Suburban, pal. I like that. Well, you're going to keep paying more and more money to fuel your Suburban. Yeah. To go along with Mikey's theme, how do you protect yourself with that? You've got a great company out in California. It's called Occidental, one of the better energy companies in the world. Do you ask me right now for...
2012, what am I most confident in? And that's what we do. We invest with confidence. I'm most confident in the price of oil is going higher. The world's biggest oil, speculated Chinese, can't get enough of it here in the first couple weeks of the year. So we want Woodsy to go out and we want him to own some energy companies to protect himself. So at least when he's paying more and more at the pump, he's making it on the other end in his investment account. What's a stock that's good for that? Occidental. What's their stock symbol? OXY, you can't go wrong with ExxonMobil. Sooner or later, natural gas will recover in this country. ExxonMobil made a great acquisition. And there are some refiners out there. Holly Frontier, which is HFC, and CVR Energy, which is ticker symbol CVI. That's going to help Woodsy outpay that gasoline bill, which is going up. We're talking to Joe Terranova. He's got a book called Buy High, Sell Higher. You've given some very good. In fact, I'd like to, if we can, you know. Talk to you again sometime because you're one of those guys that's able to break it down into regular people's talk, and people really appreciate that. I got one last question for you. Sure. The Keurig coffee machine that makes the K-Cups. Yes. Green Mountain Coffee Roasters. I love this company because I discovered it, and I realized it was the greatest way to drink coffee in the world. Okay. And last year, that stock was absolutely blown up.
And then all of a sudden, it took a big nosedive. Now, when that happens, do we freak out or do we just wait? No, you don't wait. Of course you freak out. You lose your money. You're going to lose your money. You always freak out when you lose your money. Okay, so you get rid of it immediately when it starts going down? Yeah, you lose the confidence story. A minute the confidence story evaporates, I don't want to be there. A couple of years ago, we talked about that company on Fast Money. It was the ultimate coffee play. Right now, there's some issues surrounding the accounting and the company. There's no confidence in the story. If you want to have exposure to coffee, you play yourself Starbucks. You play in SJM, which is Smucker's. Those are your coffee place. I don't want you to be in Green Mountain Coffee. Wow. That is some good stuff, man. Maybe I get your personal email. Yeah, this guy is a where the rubber meets the road kind of guy. I love it. I do too. Joe Terranova. What's the handle on Twitter, boys, where I could follow you? Mine is Mikey Show Mikey. And Woods is Mikey Show Woods. Lauren is Mikey Show Lauren. Hello, Lauren. Hi. And Jay is Mikey Show Jay. All righty. And it's M-I-K-E-Y.
We'll follow you on Twitter. Awesome, man. Follow you back. Follow you on Twitter. What's your Twitter? At Terranova Joe. And it's T-E-R-R-A-N-O-V-A. Joe. J-O-E. Yep. Thank you, Joe. We appreciate you coming on. Go get the book. Thanks. Totally. Totally. Hey, man, you make sense. All righty. Thank you. Sweet. Yeah, I wrote all that too. Yeah, me too. Got it all. I got all these stock symbols written down just from talking to them. OXY, OIH, LQD, HFC, CUI. I wonder if he's better at speculating stocks than Jay is, I wonder. Jay told you to invest in a penny stock. I just told you about a stock that our buddy was investing in. Hey, this thing's going to blow up. That's what I said. My brother invested about two grand in it. We've lost... Two grand. Tons of dough. Two grand. That's awesome. Yeah. Got to be a big wheeler. You can't just jump the gun like that. What's the name of the book? Buy High, Sell Higher by Joe Terranova. How do you know when to sell? That's the problem. That's the deal, man. I freak out. Well, that's what, you know, I just learned a lesson. See, I thought I'm going to wait out this storm. Yeah. Yep. He says when it starts to go, you get rid of it. Beat it. So you got to have like a ticker app on your phone or something. Well, every iPhone.
You've got it automatically. On every iPhone, it's there. Oh, is that that little thing that says stocks? That's the one. I think the best part about it was if you do your homework, which is something I've never been willing to do. My little brother who invests in a lot of stock will spend hours in the library going over stuff and reading books and things like that. It's never been much of an interest to me, but the ETF, that package, but then he said to go read that consumer. The earnings teleconference. The earnings teleconference. That, if you can read the transcript of that, that's pretty solid. You want to hear the weirdest story? The stock symbol, remember I told them that I got RRF? Yeah. That stock symbol came into my head and I couldn't get rid of it. That's weird. I couldn't get rid of it. So I wrote it down. And I went, I wonder if it really is a stock. So then I found it and it was a stock. And it was one of these what they call ETF, which I didn't know anything about. And so I was looking at it and I'm learning a little bit more about it. But he says that they're good to have. Right. And by the way, don't anybody take my advice because it popped into my head and I wrote it down and I was like, OK. But those things are, you know, apparently those ETFs.
Those are those bundles of companies. They bundle them together. And they're also, what they are is they're kind of protection against inflation. So if inflation goes up, these things are supposed to, that's what they're for. I wonder if there's an LOB. I can tell you. Let's check it out. There is an LOB footwear. I can tell you right now, LOB. If there is, I guess I got to. Oh, if there's an LOB, you have to buy it. Let me see. No, there's no LOB. I wonder if there's one that says. I can make love all night. Yeah. If I should buy that one. Well, I just make the acronym of it. M-L-A-N. M-L-A-N. There's no L-O-B. That stinks. Dang it. I just have to go public. That's it. I think it's too late for that. You guys want to invest? Jay, you're such a brutal monster. I don't even know what that means. It means you already have gone public.
Many times. Many times. Many times. Ain't nothing private about it, girl. Does it mean I've publicly made love? I still don't white. You're open for business. Means everybody's invested, Lauren. Public. Publicly. Can't mean that. That guy sounds like a hard ass. He knows what he's doing, apparently. I wish I could just sit in his office and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just give him my money, let him do it. I would lose focus. This piece of paper in front of me has all the stuff that we're supposed to be doing in this break, and it is now riddled with stock symbols. Yeah. From talking to that dude. It's pretty cool. Should we have him on again and let people ask him questions? Like normal questions. I'd love to have him every month if we could. That'd be awesome. Jay? Yeah.
Maybe work that out with that dude. That was pretty interesting. Knows the stuff. This is a couple things that Hollywood always gets wrong. Why is it that everybody in movies is either wearing a suit or a uniform? You notice that? Yeah. It's a true story. It's true. And it's not realistic. Yeah. L.O.B., you had one. What was yours? I was saying it's not realistic, like, the apartments that they have. Yeah, dude. They'll be like, man, I'm so poor, and then have this huge, like, loft apartment in Manhattan. That's, like, extremely hipply decorated. Right. It's supposed to be, like, all, like, eclectic and all this stuff, but then it's like, that would cost thousands of dollars. Of course. You've been to apartments in New York. Yes. I have, too. My Aunt Kathy lived in New York. She made a good living. Her apartment. Was the size of a walk-in closet. And I am not exaggerating. Oh, yeah. A walk-in closet. With a bed that came down out of the wall. Murphy bed. Murphy bed. But always in the movies, they've got these ridiculous. Giant. And they're poor. They walk in a coffee shop, and then they have a two-bedroom loft apartment. Right. They're like, man, this is a crap hole. Yeah. It's a crap hole that's worth, what, half a million dollars? Way more. Yeah, way more. Here's the other thing. And you can call us if you have them. 570-1949.
Everybody in movies that works a 9-to-5 job, it's always like a soul-sucking prison. Every job that's a 9-to-5 job in a movie is always the worst possible thing. There's never anybody that has a normal... It's just normal work. They just go to work. It's always like the boss is trying to take your bra off. Nothing wrong with that. Um, wow. See, girl. I told you. Public. Probably got her where I want her. You're going public. How about this? If somebody's stressed out about working a movie, it's usually...
Because they have a big presentation coming up. A lot of big presentations. A standard bit in the movie, too, is before that presentation or while they're working on said presentation, they will always have, they'll have a little rocks glass, two ice cubes, and a little scotch or whiskey straight. Now, if you're Jennifer Aniston that has a presentation coming up, you will probably clumsily... Maybe spill coffee on it. Oh, for sure. All over your presentation. No question. All over your presentation. You will lose your zip drive that it's on. Yes. Yeah, your thumb drive, I mean. It will fall out of your rat hole apartment in New York City that costs a half a million dollars or more. And the thumb drive will fall down the fire escape. Into a sewer grate. Right. Float down the sewer gate. Oh, no. My presentation. Then, then. You will walk in there, speak from the heart, and brilliantly nail it. Yes. You'll get a slow clap. Who is that girl? She's new. Did she just ask about Venezuela? Every time. I think she asked about Venezuela. I can't believe that that just happened. We're in America and do no business dealings in Venezuela. My goodness. Holy cow. Promote that girl to something. Right now. To something. How about this one?
When people get fired, it's usually very spontaneous and very dramatic. Yes. Always in the movies. Oh, yeah. It's just the way it goes down. You know what? Real life never happens that way. It's well thought out. Oh, yeah. It's planned and executed. You can't fire me because I quit. Yes. You can't fire me. I'm out of here. Oh, my gosh. I hate that. By the way, the presentation on the thumb drive, it ends up somehow. In the hands of Hugh Grant. Yeah. Oh, your assistant emailed it to me last night. Is that what this is? It's absolutely, it's brilliant. He's on the phone. He goes, can I speak to Penelope, please? Is this Penelope? Yeah. Penelope, you live on 4th Street. That's correct. Well, I may have something in my possession that you will want very badly. Was it that?
May Mark Jacobs bag I put a bid on? Well, actually, no. It says presentation to Mr. McGuire. I mean, of course you have it. Yep, that's it. And there's always, there's usually a couple of foreign types, like some Asian businessmen sitting in there. Yes. That don't really understand what she's saying, but they're getting it translated. Right. And they slowly nod like, you just blew my Asian mind. How about that? This one is great. M1 short from San Diego. You could not be more right on about this one. It really bums me out when I'm watching a good movie, and all you have to do is put something inside the takeout bag that looks heavy or inside of the Starbucks cup that just looks like liquid so it moves like liquid. But every time there's a takeout, the bags are full of nothing. Yeah, they're empty and stapled at the top, and there's nothing in them. Well, and here's my thing about movies. I don't know if you guys noticed this. How come every Chinese restaurant? serves in those awesome white Chinese takeout things, and everybody eats with chopsticks. Yeah, that has the wire clip to carry it with that you can't find anywhere. That doesn't exist, but in movies, they're eating out of it. They shovel it in with chopsticks. The next day, they'll go to the fridge and open it up and sniff it to see if it's still good. In every movie. In every movie. It's brilliant. Brilliant. So true. 570-1949.
If you have any of those stupid things that it only happens there, it's the only place you can see it happen. I always have to look my sexiest. That's why I'm wearing these tight size 42 pens. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm sorry, our time is up. FM 94. supported by our good friends at Sports LA. What's up there, turkey leg? It's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out. You can see Everest at the Cow's Paw this Friday night. Transfer and Silent Comedy will play there Sunday night and Monday night, and they'll take turns headlining. We've got shows from Not a Surf, Dr. Dog, and Ra Ra Riot in the near future. And it's worth noting, the Red Hot Chili Peppers have postponed their February 29th San Diego date. It will now happen September 23rd.
thanks to a foot injury sustained by Anthony Kiedis. And then, of course, Coachella has come to town. That'll be April 13th through the 15th and April 20th through the 22nd. Two identical Coachella weekends this year with headliners Black Keys, Radiohead, and Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg, along with performances from... The Shins, Bon Iver, Pulp, Refused, Mazzy Star, Firehose, Madness, Cat Power, M. Ward, Explosions in the Sky, Girls, Kasabian, Manchester Orchestra, Wild Flag, the list goes on and on. Get the full lineup on our website. So there you have it. Get out there and save some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at fm949sd.com. All right. I know times are tough. Everybody's trying to save some money, myself included. One thing that you should not skimp on is your health and your fitness. And with Choose Fitness, you don't have to worry about that because it's only $9.99 a month. My last gym was $48 a month.
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Or you can text home to 55678. See if you qualify. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM. Good morning. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. Don't really like to swim. Unlike most Latinos. Woods. I can put down a 20 pack of chicken nuggets. No problem. Lauren. I got a little pepper up my nose. Had to sneeze. And Jake. No, I didn't cry. I'm a man. On FM 94.9. Downtown by myself. And I had so much time to sit and think about myself. And then there she was. Like double cherry pie. Yeah, there she was. Like disco super flying. I smell sex and candy hair. Why are you blowing on your yogurt? Am I blowing on my yogurt? Why are you blowing on your yogurt? And that's not code for anything, mind you, if you're listening out there. She has a spoonful of yogurt that she's blowing on. Why are you blowing on your yogurt? I always blow on my yogurt. Why? Because it's piping hot? It's steaming hot. You're the one person that eats hot yogurt. It's not hot yogurt. I blow on my yogurt because I blow on everything I eat with a spoon. Is that a true fact? What if you were taking cough syrup? Yes.
Oh, my God. Why are you looking at me like that? He's looking at me like he's an owl. He's looking at you like you have a horn. Cereal. She does. Cereal, yeah. You blow on it? Yes. I have to. Why? It's like a weird, I think, somewhere along the line when I was eating soup. Yeah. When I was little, someone was like, blow on it, it's hot. And so now every time I eat something with a spoon, it's a quick blow. Woods. Yes. She just blew on her yogurt. She blows on her yogurt. How did we miss this for this long? Because all of a sudden, I see Woods looking at her like, what the hell are you doing? Corner, you know, when you're coming back on the air, corner of my eye, like, I'm doing stuff. And then I see her and I'm like, oh, she's blowing on something. So I just glance down and it's Greek yogurt. And I'm like, but why would you blow on that? I know that I don't need to. It's just one of those things that I have to do. Ice cream. Yes. Ice cream. It's cold. It's quick. It's really cold. Just so quick. If she's taking cough medicine, Woods, she'll blow on it. It's a habit. Holy cow. Before every bite? No, sometimes sporadically, just to make sure. Just to make sure. Yeah. It's all good. You get a taste. You're like, okay. In your head, you're like, that's cool. Because it's yogurt. It's cool in my mouth. I don't have to. But then I'll go, like, I was eating that yogurt over the span of the show. So, like, you know.
I go back to it. It gets really hot. Yeah. She's a fascinating creature. She's fascinating. I want to cut her open and peel it open. Just study. Just study. I know I don't need to do it. You saw the movie Contagion, right? Yes. Did you see the part where they cut Gwyneth Paltrow's head and peeled the flap back? Yeah. That's what I want to do to LLB. You just need a microscope. Yeah. And then you look under there and you go, how come you're blowing on ice cream? Right. She's blowing on ice cream. She's blowing on yogurt. And cereal. Who's yogurt? I think it was ingrained in me. Like a long time ago. Yeah, like when you were a kid. Yeah. Well, when your mom used to make you, at least my mom used to make me Campbell's chicken noodle soup. Right. And the moms would give it to you. Scalding hot. Yeah. I used to have to put an ice cube in mine. Right. And I always thought that was so disgusting when I was a little kid. Yeah. Putting an ice cube in it. But your mom gave it to you, the temperature of the sun. It was 400 degrees. Lava. And so you would burn your mouth. You could just wait, but I know that's probably a challenge. When you're a kid. When you're a kid. Hey. You could have been like Mike. Do jumping jacks for a little bit. Remember, Mike was like an obese little child. Just rolling around, fourth grade. Yeah. Rolling.
Well, let's be honest. You weren't eating soup. Yeah, clearly. Well, cheeseburger soup, but soup nonetheless. Pizza soup. Yeah, did they make meatloaf soup? Brita soup. Enchilada soup. Tamale soup. Let's just say it, Mike. Say them all. Big soup. You had it, didn't you? Oh, wow. Come on, Mike. I'm going to say it. I'm not going to say it. I'm not even going to think it. I'm Mexican. Yeah, you're allowed. Don't you, like, uh... Some people have to do a diagonal cut on a grilled cheese, but not on certain sandwiches. Like, I do that. Like, if I have a grilled cheese, it has to be a diagonal cut. Wow. Why do you even cut it? Why? You just eat it. Because you're a sex pervert. You're a sex pervert. No, I do. You just eat a grilled cheese without cutting it. Yeah, I eat a grilled cheese. A grilled cheese. You get grease on either side of your cheese. No, why are you eating this right in the middle of the sandwich? I bite right from the corner, and then I just work. Yeah, work it. I work piecemeal. Yes, you are. There's no rules. There's no rules. With a grilled cheese, dude, you're supposed to cut diagonal. I do not put your rules on my sandwich. You're a pervert if you don't do that. You like sexually deviant acts. Okay. Fair enough. If someone cuts the grilled cheese just straight down in half, I'm like, that's disgusting. Oh, yeah. My wife will make me want to cut it down the middle. Not diagonal? No, she'll cut it down the middle.
She's got a sandwich fetish. We are sandwich fetishists. You're fetishists. That's for sure. L.O.B. blows on everything she eats with a spoon. If I eat ice cream straight from the cone, it doesn't even faze me. That's so fascinating. I want to cut it and peel it back. All these people are calling about all the different things that are in movies that are unrealistic, although I'm finding... L.O.B.'s bizarre. She's bizarre. She said the other day that got me. Which time? She admitted something. Oh, she admitted? The misconnections? Yes. I looked up the site that I used to go to, the Kismet site. It's not there anymore. Must not have been a lot of misconnections. Lauren used to go on the website and see if a guy was out there looking for her because he had just a chance rendezvous. Yep. You know, some sort of serendipitous moment where they locked eyes. Yeah. I was watching, like, too many Sandra Bullock movies or something. Yeah, clearly. And I was waiting for Prince Charming to be like, I saw you on the bus. Lauren loves romance. I do. She does. She loves romance. I do. I'm a hopeless romantic. Yeah. Hopeless. Emphasis on the hopeless, Mike. Oh, wow. Yeah. I know you didn't hear me the first time.
I heard what you said. I heard you say hopeless. Hopeless romantic. Hopeless. You're a hopeful romantic. I still think you'll meet your soulmate. Oh, I'm in my coffin. Oh, wow. That is just stepping out there. That's a blow to the current boyfriend. It sure is. I mean, if he's listening right now, your current boyfriend, if he's listening right now. If he liked it, he should have put a ring on it. Wow. That's not subtle in any way. Why buy the cow? Yeah, well. She does give the milk away. The milk store's closed, right? The milk store's been closed. Has it? How long is that going to last? It's been 12 days so far. Hey, you rang in the new year real good, though. That guy's getting real thirsty. That guy's in the desert right now. Does he know that this is a deal? I don't think so. He does not? Nah. He hasn't...
How do you go 12 days? Hasn't brought his cup to the... Yeah, he hasn't brought the cup. To the spigot, so to speak. Spigot's tired. Well, I understand, but... Spigot gets up early now. I understand, but... Yeah, but 12 days. Hasn't he... Well, we don't live together, so, you know, it's not like every night we've got to face that conversation. That guy might have found more milk somewhere else. Oh, God. If he's anything like you, I'm sure he drinks. I'm just saying, if the guy had anything to drink in 12 days... He's not married. That's it. And that, you know, unfortunately, Jay, he's not right about your situation, but unfortunately, that can happen. A guy's like, hey, I ain't getting milk over here. I'm going to go get milk somewhere else. That's true. And girls can give their milk other places, too. They can open said spigot to another cup. We will cross that bridge if it gets cheated on. If the spigot gets cheated on? Yeah. How would you cheat on a spigot? The theoretical spigot. Right. Yes. Would the spigot maybe like chocolate milk instead of regular milk? The spigot does not discriminate. Doesn't discriminate. Fair enough. For those who don't know, we're talking about sex. Oh, God. I'm just trying to keep people in the loop. Moron.
That guy is just... I just want to make sure they're on the same page as we are. Nobody getting lost out there. Thanks, Jay. Okay, I'm here for you. And the milk was an analogy as well. Right. That was an analogy. For intercourse. Spigot was. Yep. Yes. Is it spigot or spigot? It's spigot. Is it spigot? It's spelled spigot. No, it's not. Yes, it is. It's spelled spigot. S-P-I-G-O-T. It is. I don't believe that for a second. I'll bet you. Loser takes their shirt off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to be in a lose-lose number. Here, here, here. Look. Spigot. That looks racist to me. Wouldn't it be racist if it was spigot? No. I don't like the spelling of that. That would be racist. It looks like bigot. Spigot. Which, I guess. I would like to delve more into this story. Absolutely. The ice cream? No, the 12 days. Oh, the 12 days of no sex. Oh, wow. 12 days of no sex. That was very thirsty.
Matt's very thirsty. He is fiending. I have a visitor in town as well. No, not that. A physical, actual person. A real person. A person that's been staying with me. My sister's been staying with me. So there's been opportunities to be like, no, that can't. Right. Roadblock. But I think what I'm wondering is... Is it closed for business? That's what I'm wondering, too. She says it is, but I don't think it is. Well, you know, sometimes people in the Sahara, they get thirsty as well. Spigots. Spigots get thirsty. Spigots get thirsty. I can't say spigots. So, in other words, no. It's not closed for business. So, there's no motivation, really, to go. I said this weekend that lemonade stand might pop up in the desert. There's no motivation, then, to purchase said spigot. No. No. If you close the doors of the spigot factory, you've got to buy it. Close the doors. No, that is the worst incentive I've ever heard. It is a master motivator. So how did he finally pop the question? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You know what I did? I withheld. No. I withheld and that SOB went down the zales. I do not look at it that way. I do not look at it that way. Oh, I do. I say.
Sorry, mister. I think about how quickly I would have proposed to my wife if she kept the milk store closed. Maybe you guys are on to something. It would have been a week. It would have been one week. I'm like, I gotta have it, so let's get married. Absolutely. It's a powerful tool. It is a powerful tool. It starts wars. Yeah, it does. It does start wars. Especially in the animal kingdom. Yes, it does. Men and women must be with one another. That's like... Why don't you guys shut up about closing the milk store? Okay? It's my milk store. I think that Matt has been saying shut up to us for a long time. Matt hates us. He knows the stipulations of our arrangement. Does he? Yes. He knows the stipulations. There are some stipulations. Keep pushing that deadline back real good. Yesterday I told him. You keep drawing that line in the sand. Yeah. It's the sand. Now I'm serious. I'm not messing around. You see that? It's not in Sharpie. Well, this time it's in Sharpie. All right. I'll tell you that much. I believe you. It's in Sharpie. I believe you too. And I told him yesterday that 2012 is the year he pulls his head out of his ass. Oh, that's so huge. That's a good way to put it. He's on board with it.
What did he have to say about 11? He said he had to screw some things up. Took a little long. Yeah, well, we're not the brightest creatures on the planet, men. That's for sure. But God love him. Hey, listen. When you give your girlfriend a purse for Christmas and then say the real presents on the inside. Yes. And it turns out that that's a Groupon that you bought two days before for a hot air balloon. Right. Which is awesome. Which is awesome. Yes, it is. Balloons are... special to us. And they're also identical to rings. Identical engagement rings. He, when I painted the scenario and how I could get disappointed from that scenario, he went, oh. Would you have been as mad at him if he didn't say the real gifts on the inside? No. Give her the thing and just let it be. Absolutely. Men get in trouble when they open their mouths. Ladies and gentlemen, the lovely and talented. Hillary is coming up next. And also, we are going to kick off 94 Minutes of Music, and it's going to be awesome. Awesome. Do not go away. We'll come back tomorrow morning at 5.30 and do it all over again. The Mikey Show's out. Get it. Text them at 949mikey at gmail.com or call Mikey now. 570-1949. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9.