The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 01/13/12
Friday, January 13, 2012
microphone jokehyenas word analogyLauren O'Brien game betpurple auraFacebook addictionTim Tebow betcucumber pickleiPod sing‑alongPussycat Dolls danceHeather Locklear hospitalizationSportsCenter Tebow referencesmikeshow
Mikey opened the show joking about a possible Goldilocks intrusion in his microphone, then launched into a hyenas analogy for the show's rapid word corrections. He and Woods invited Lauren O'Brien to watch the Broncos‑Patriots game with a $100 incentive, while caller Bisquick sparked a funny discussion about being told he has a purple aura. The conversation moved to Facebook addiction, the elaborate Tim Tebow bet involving cantaloupe, oysters, and armpit‑licking, the origins of cucumber pickles, a side‑splitting iPod sing‑along where Jay sang without hearing the music, and Lauren's earnest wish to join a Pussycat Dolls‑style dance crew.
What happened, in order
Mic Goldilocks
Mikey jokes that someone changed his microphone and wonders if Goldilocks is hiding under the board, referencing the Papa Bear porridge story.
Hyenas Word Attack
Mikey compares the show's rapid-fire word corrections to hyenas swarming a carcass, describing how they pounce on any misspoken word.
Lauren O'Brien Game Invite
Mikey and Woods invite Lauren O'Brien to watch the Broncos-Patriots playoff game, offering her $100 to join them if she isn't in Los Angeles.
Purple Aura Discussion
Caller Bisquick shares that a Twitter user told him he has a purple aura, leading to a humorous debate about the meaning and origin of the insult.
Facebook Addiction Talk
Bisquick admits he loses hours on Facebook, lacks self‑control, and compares his inability to log off to watching Project Runway marathons.
Tim Tebow Bet Details
The hosts outline their weekend bet: Mikey eats cantaloupe for every Tebow turnover, Woods eats an oyster for each completion, and if the Broncos win outright Woods must lick Jay's armpits.
Cucumber/Pickle Origins
The crew discusses how cucumbers become pickles, wondering who first decided to ferment a cucumber and joking about the process.
iPod Sing‑Along
Jay puts on earbuds and sings along to a song while the others hear only his a cappella vocals, leading to a hilarious, volume‑misfired performance.
Pussycat Dolls Dance Aspiration
Lauren O'Brien expresses her desire to join a Pussycat Dolls‑style dance troupe, discussing auditions, costumes, and enlisting fellow listeners as potential dancers.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLauren O'BrienJayBisquickHeather LocklearTerranova JoeMadonnaJohnny CashDavid BowieKaty PerryAshton KutcherNicole
32,180 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Yeah. Welcome. It's the Mikey Show, Friday edition. My microphone sounds different. Let's see. Say something. Hi. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Oh. Yeah. There was something done with my microphone. Uh-oh. They, uh, changed something in it. Changed... Oh. The board is set up the way it normally is, right? Yes. Yeah. I can always, it's like Papa Bear. Yeah. Papa Bear knows. Somebody's been sleeping in your bed. That's right. Papa Bear knows if somebody's been doing something in the microphone. Especially if he's been eating his porridge. That's right. We should look under the board and see if Goldilocks is in here. Yeah, man, she is. That'd be great. Yeah, she's in trouble. That'd be a good spot for her, too. I set myself up. Yeah, you do. What about Goldilocks? Who's Goldilocks?
It's the worst. It started so early. Good morning, San Diego. Good morning. We are like hyenas. Yeah, I know. We wait to pounce. We wait to pounce. Word hyenas, and if we mess up a word, it's like three hyenas see one dead zebra, and we just race to attack and feast on that carcass. And then just tear it apart. Yep. Welcome to the Mikey Show. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show and we go 5.30 to 9 now. And we love you. So call us and say hi. Because it's Friday and we want to have a good time. Gosh darn, Woodsy, you got some good music today. I went for it today. Woodsy's lining up the music for us and we got a little mute math coming in and out of commercials today. We got a little... 70s gold. Oh, yeah. I love the gold. I love that stuff. Got some stones for you in there. The whole thing. Big weekend because we are going to be, a bet's going to be played out between Woods and I. Big one. Oh, dude. Big one. It's going to be so fun to watch this game. It's going to be so epic. Oh, boy. You guys are going to get pitted. You know what?
You don't have to give us that kind of grief. Just get spit right out of them. Because. Get pitted. So pitted. You don't have to give us that kind of grief just because you hate us. I don't. This monster over here. This monster, L.O.B., Lauren O'Brien. I don't. It's monstrous. Yeah. It's mean. Let me tell you something. What? There is .00001% of the female population that Woods and I. would even consider inviting to hang out with us during the playoff game at my house. And you're it, lady. All right. And so we said, L.O.B., would you consider watching the game with us this weekend? And L.O.B. says, if I don't have to go to L.A., probably not. Unbelievable. It's unbelievable. It's absolutely unbelievable. Well played. I don't get it. Yeah, we raised our eyebrows like, oh, she's going to say yeah. She lives like, first of all, she lives a quarter mile from me. So she lives about three miles from you. So it's not like we're asking her to drive to La Mesa to come watch a game. Yeah, and we're trying to figure out what would it take.
To be her friend. Like what would we have to do? You guys get into the zone. The auto zone. When you're like together. And it's almost like somebody else doesn't exist. Not when you're there. She can hold her own with the best of them. Yeah but you guys are like. You're doing like. So not true. When you're there. We are locked in and locked on. We're going to have to start paying her. No. Yeah. All right. Let's start the bank. How much would it take? No. $100. $100 for you to spend time with us? Oh, wow. Look at that. She just got raised eyebrows. You get a fresh $100 bill if you come watch the game with us. We're doing audio for the show. It'll be funny. Now she's thinking about it. Now she's thinking about it. She's like, gosh. But she has to think, though. She has to think. She's like, oh, my gosh. The game that we are. She's like, the $100 would be nice, but. I got to be there with these clowns. The game we are talking about would be Saturday night at 5 o'clock. Mm-hmm. No. L-O-B, just that you have to think. Yes, I will. If I'm not in Los Angeles, I will be there. Get the money in advance. Chances she does a fake L.A. trip. No, I won't do a fake one, I promise. M1 Bisquick from Santee. Hey, gang, it's your old pal Bisquick. What's up, OPB? Yeah.
I was calling because I had this crazy girl on Twitter tell me I had a purple aura. Oh, that would be me. Oh, wow. And it sparked my curiosity, so I was asking a bunch of people if they know what that meant. You did that, Lauren? You told this guy that he had a purple aura? He told me my tweets were out of control, and I said your aura is purple. Wow. I stole it from Almost Famous. That is hysterical. Hysterical. Crazy ladies. That's awesome. That's one of the greatest. Hey, listen. Hey, listen, OPB. That's genius. Yeah. If I said that to her and her response was, you have a purple aura, I would have laughed my balls off. Oh, yeah, me too. I don't know what. Yeah. I think I'm missing some kind of reference. Well, it doesn't even matter. It's just funny. It doesn't even matter what it means. It's so obscure. And yet, you know, insults that don't make sense are kind of funny. Yeah, they are. You know? I think it's a compliment somewhere in there. Yeah, purple aura. You have a good aura, maybe, about you. Yeah. It's attracted to purple, so it all works out. Yep. If it's good, if it's bad, don't matter. You have a purple aura. That's funny. That's pretty good. Knowing who it's coming from makes it fun. Absolutely.
He told me my tweets were out of control. I was like... Your aura is purple. That's awesome. Gosh. Yeah, that's so much better than I would have come up with something like, well, you have a small wiener. Like, just very, you know. You know what I love about it is that he doesn't know what it means and he's like, son of a bitch. He's like, I do. What's the deal? Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? My aura is purple. He's calling psychics trying to figure it out. He's got witch doctors over trying to figure out how to change it from purple to whatever it needs to be. Oh, Bisquick. What did you mean when you told her that her tweets were out of control? Oh, nothing. It's just like every time I check Twitter lately, she's got about 52. She's got great. That's a good tweet, man. She's got great tweets. I've been on a tweet tear lately. She's good, though, man. She's good. Oh, she is. But I wish, I don't know, it'd be cool if she put that stuff on Facebook, too. I know, but I'm trying to get off Facebook. That's the problem. Oh, boy.
This woman. I'm done. Are you? I'm done. I'm done. Every day you're like a magnet. Every week. Why do we fall for it? She says it every week. Why does she draw us into it? Let me explain. I'm not going to get off of it altogether. I'm just saying once I go on to go do one thing on Facebook, all of a sudden three hours have gone by. And I'm like, what am I doing? That's it? Three hours. That's nothing. Come on. Most people are spending 12 hours on that thing. I'm trying to get in and get out on Facebook. Gosh, Lauren, just embrace it, will you? It's too much. I don't have no self-control. This is why I can't have cable either, because I'll just watch marathons of Project Runway all day. You have no willpower. I have no willpower. No willpower. There you go. All right, Bisquick. Right on, guys. Thank you. I should have had him give his Twitter. Ours is at... Mikey Show and then our name. Yep. So at Mikey Show Mikey, at Mikey Show Woods, at Mikey Show Lauren, at Mikey Show Jay. There you go. So, the Tebow bet. Here's how it's going to lay out. This weekend, when the Broncos play the Patriots, for every completion, or excuse me,
No, no, no. It was for every turnover that Tim Tebow throws, I have to eat a piece of cantaloupe. Or fumble. Or fumble. Any turnover. And you hate cantaloupe. You love it. Hate it. It smells rotten to me. It does. Even when it's fresh, to me, it smells rotten. It's delicious. And when I taste it, that's what I smell, and that's what I taste. Rotten fruit. And for those of you that don't like cantaloupe, that's the deal. It's so strange how we all, how something is going on in the chemistry of our tongue that's different than another human's. Well, and, you know, you will eat cheese that is technically rotten. You'll eat the smelliest, stinkiest, gnarliest cheese around that I couldn't get within 10 feet of, but I can eat a whole cantaloupe. Oh, my. So good. I don't know. That's an interesting thing to me. the taste buds and why we find things disgusting. Sometimes the smelliest cheese is the best cheese. Not for me. It's considered the best. It's probably the most expensive. I can't get near it. Sometimes it doesn't taste the way that it smells and sometimes it tastes exactly like it smells. You know what would be a cool thing to talk about? The first guy that invented cheese. That would be fun. You have no frame of reference. You like Kraft Singles.
That's true, I do. That's not cheese. That's not cheese. I'm American. Well, we have to explain the joke that Woods made. Yeah. The reference. Right. Which is fine. Yeah. Yeah. Because we have five minutes. We got ten minutes. And after all, we were talking about the Tim Tebow bet, so it makes sense. You're right. When Woods said... Thank you, Jay. It was perfectly timed. I'm just messing with you. Mikey at one point early in our show thought that that would be a fun topic to talk about. I still do. I do as well. No, you don't. Well, I'll drink coffee and I'll be like, who thought to pluck that bean, grind it down, add hot water to it. I thought it'll be fun to, I think it would be fun to discuss how did this come about? Cheese. Well, the reason is because it's freaking spoiled milk. It's true. And somebody decided they were going to eat it. And to me, that was interesting. And Woods was like, gosh, dude, Stern would never do that. I did not say that. You SOB. Gosh, dude. Never said that. So anyway, back to the bet. You're eating cantaloupe for every turnover. Yes. I am eating oysters. Oysters. Oysters. Oysters. Hold on. Come on, Jay.
Watch my mouth. Do what I do. Jay has a hard time with this word. Oysters. Oysters. One more time. Oysters. Oysters. You got it. There you go. You're not helping me. I can tell. I perfectly got it. You nailed it. I'll eat one oyster for every completion. You got to chew it. Because I hate oysters. Every Tim Tebow completion, he's got to eat an oyster. An oyster. Oysters. On the air. On the air. Dang it. How do you say that stinking word? You don't have to accent the first. It's just oysters. You're putting an accent. Oysters. There you go. Is that right? Well, kind of. The last part, you kind of... Oyster. It's better when you say it fast like that. Oyster. There you go. Wow. Now, Woods is also giving me 14 points on the game. Yes. And if, in fact... I can't believe this. If, in fact... The Denver Broncos win within 14 points. Yes. Woodsy's got to go out on the corner of Friars and Frazee wearing a Tim Tebow jersey. And a Speedo. And a Speedo. And pink socks. And pink girl ankle socks. And it'll look like a nightie. Yeah. Now, if the Patriots beat the Broncos by more than 14, then I have to take you guys all to lunch at...
Cheesecake Factory. Cheeseburger Cafe. Cheesecake Factory. Cheesecake Factory. And I have to wear a bad toupee. And we will let M1s know where and when we will be there. And they can come see you. Point and laugh. Yeah. I do not believe that they will win by more than 14. I don't either would. In fact, I think there's a chance the Broncos could win on the road. Well, if that happens, if the Broncos win outright, I have to lick. Both of Jay's armpits. Oh, that's right. Not bad. We got to put all of these things on the internet. On paper. So that people can see them and they go. Here's the deal. Because I'll tell you what. When you're watching that game this weekend, you're going to want to print out. So that you can look at it and be like, every time a completion's thrown, you're like, there's an oyster. And every time Tim Tebow throws an interception, you're like, Mikey's going to eat rotten fruit. Not rotten. It's good fruit. Oh, it's filthy. It's delicious. So good. The only thing filthier than cantaloupe is cucumber. I will be with you on that one. It has no flavor. Oh, yes, it does. It's a dank, sour, dank, not done, raw, raw taste to it. With that skin? Yes. Oh.
Filthy. I love it. It's so hideous. It's an awful, awful vegetable. It really is. It's my favorite. But it turns into a really good vegetable. Oh, yeah. It turns into a pickle. Which is phenomenal. They taste great. Yeah. How is that? Because cucumbers are delicious as well. We should talk about that sometime. Yeah. The whole process. The pickling process. We're just going to get each other. We're going to get each other. It's one of those days, huh? Here we go. Who decided they were going to ferment a cucumber, right? Exactly. What happened there? Who's the first guy to do that? John R. Pickle? Yeah. It's James Clawson, I think, was his name. Try not to get too irritated at Madonna when I play you this. Too late. You see, a lot of people thought that Madonna really had special powers because she's Madonna. And then there's you. I mean, it's hard. I would be hard. I'm the easy one. I believe you. Millions won't. Are you the easy one? No, I don't know. I mean, I'm still, you know, I go home and I wash my face and I put on my sweatpants and I lay down. I don't believe it. And I say, oh, please rub my feet. And, you know, and he says, no, you rub my feet. No way. So, you know, behind the behind the curtain, I'm just like everybody else.
That couldn't have been you, Madonna. That couldn't have been you because you're Madonna. Yeah, you don't do that. You don't do that. You know, really, I'm just like everyone else. One time, I vomited. And it didn't look very nice. Madonna, I saw truth or dare, and you are not like everybody else. That is true. I'm just like everyone else. I just have cone-shaped breasts. Yes. And manservants. Yes. Ambiguously gay or straight. Yes. Nobody knows. Yes. Did you say manservant? Yes. Jay, I believe Lauren said manservant, didn't she? She did. I did. Manservant. For you old timers. Ham. Bring her on the helicopter. Ham. Ham. Was it the Donkey Kong one? Good one, Jay. Yes, Jay.
It was the Donkey Kong one. What the hell is going on? I can't remember. See, I used to be on a different radio program. You did? You don't say. It was called The Mikey Show, but it was different. By different, you mean better? No. No, I do not. Same, same, but different. Don't high five. Like you, but different. Why are you the way that you are? That's all I want to know. Why are you the way that you are? We'll do a little Tough Love coming up next. Real good. Tough Love with Woods again. We'll call it, we'll change it up. We'll call it Love Tough with Woods. Love that is tough. Love that is tough with Woods. We'll do a little Woods Deaf karaoke. That's good stuff. Why are you the way that you are? Good question. I'm in a mood today.
I hate so much about the things that you choose to be. This sucks. How come when I play sound clips, Jay goes, I got to play them. I got to do one. He won't play them for an hour and a half. But if I play one, he's like, hey, son of a bitch, that's my job. Watch it. He's afraid he's going to become a reveler. Thank you so, so much. Now I want bit. Oh, boy. Then the best is when they start doing it at the same time. It's so great. Oh, my gosh. It sounds so professional. When they come together like that. You guys should get me one, too, and then we can all three do it. Maybe get L.O.B. in the mix. Where's my staples button? Yesterday, we had a guy on the show, and he's like a stock expert. Did you guys?
take any of that information and share it with anybody or did you do anything written down and uh i kind of want to hoard it so that i get rich yeah and people were asking about it you know gotta have that guy on again i need some all over it i need some capital capital reserve to go make a couple of investments and then go all right now i'm good i started following him on twitter Yeah, I did too. I'm hoping that he'll put some little tidbits about how I can get that capital. His name was... Terranova Joe. Terranova Joe. Yeah, and he's good, man. He knows about stocks. That guy sounds like... It sounds like one of those guys you're like, all right, I just came into like 25 grand. Right. Here. Right. Joe, take it. Do what you will. I trust you. I trust you. I trust you. God, he sounds like he knows his business. Or just one of those guys, you call him and you go, hey, should I do this? Yeah. And he goes, no. Wait. No. Absolutely not. Don't do that. Don't be an idiot, Mike. Mike. Don't be an idiot. Really? Because everybody's telling me. Dude, who are you going to listen to? Yeah, you're right, Joe. You listen to Joe. I'll tell you what you should do. What? Well, and then he'd tell you. Yeah, I'll tell you what to do. He starts spitting out acronyms at you. Because Jay told me to get this penny stock. No, no chance. And it whipped me. Are you out of your freaking mind? Are you out of your mind going to listen to that hayseed? But he said it was great. He's a moron. Don't listen to him. He said that it would work. The guy can't even say oyster.
You're going to take stock advice from him? You should get in on things you want and need. When I buy stock, I look for stuff I'm going to make money in. That one time I bought stock. That's right. I buy stock in my head. Yeah. I'm like, that is going to make money. That's going to do good. I'm going to note that I thought that I should be in on that. Woodsy got to play Torrey Pines yesterday. One of the most. Use it loosely, the term play. Very loosely. It is one of the most vaunted. Is that a word? Yeah, absolutely. Great word. It is one of the most vaunted golf courses in the world. Sought after tee times. You know what I mean? Well, when I got there, there were three guys that had their bags. They were walking up to the deal. And I went to the bathroom. I came back out. And they were walking back out to the parking lot. They couldn't get on. Oh, my gosh. And they were in the parking lot next to my truck. Yeah, can you get us on? There's three of us. How much? What time? No. All right. Hey, call this place. They've been making phone calls from the parking lot. They got a day off from the missus, guaranteed. And they're like, we're freaking playing golf somewhere. Or the bosses, too. Oh, my. So you got the play, and what did you think of it? I thought it was absolutely outstanding. In terms of, because I know you've been on nice golf courses because your pops plays golf. So you've been on some nice courses. Absolutely. How's it rate? Number one.
For me? Numero uno? Numero uno. Oh, wow. It was just... I've never played a... Well, I played one in Hawaii that was pretty rad, but this one, it was just special. You know why it was the most special? Because I live here. It's mine. That's what was the best. It's a public golf course. I live here. I would have liked to have just gone along just to see what it looks like. And written? What'd you shoot? 109. Now... Jay, is that pretty decent? No. I mean, for a guy who doesn't golf very much, it's pretty good. Tiger Woods is what, like 62, 63? Yeah, but I mean, that's Tiger Woods. But I'm just giving a basis for comparison. Yeah, I mean, I would like to take, honestly,
I'd like to take about 15 to 18 strokes off my game. One stroke per hole. And I can do it. You know why? Because I figured out yesterday I shouldn't ever hit driver. I hit driver and it slices into the woods. So then I've got to have another shot out to the fairway. It takes away a shot from me every hole. So I started hitting a rescue club off the tee. What's that? It's like a three wood. Yeah. Dead straight. Dead, freaking straight, and down the middle every time. But short. A little bit shorter than a driver would be. Doesn't matter. I'm in play. I have a chance to make par. I have a chance to make birdie. Did you do that yesterday? I started that at hole 11. So I had my last like eight holes were pretty decent. Seven, eight holes were pretty decent. I just wish I could golf. My first 11, I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I was with clients. Can you golf, LLB? No. All it takes is practice. Yeah. You got to go all the time, though. You got to be committed. And it's a lot of work. Well, I've been playing since I was a little kid, you know, and I just can't ever get better. I know one chick that golfs. Don't you think it would be cool? Oh, I mean, I've been before. I'm just not that good. Yeah? But you could do it. Oh, yeah. See, I can't even do it. I went that one time, and I couldn't even do it. I was the worst. It's more difficult than it looks. Oh, God, it is. I had one skill, chipping. Yeah, you could chip like a madman. That was it. You were a really good chipper. Only thing I could do. Yeah, I had the cart pretty good. You're a good cart driver. Yes. But I'll tell you what.
Chipping? If you're a good chipper, if I could take your chipping, put it into my golf game, I probably would have shot 100 yesterday. Or maybe even a 98. So here you go. Here you go, sports fans. Saints at the Niners. Broncos at the Patriots. Texans at the Ravens. Giants at the Packers. Those are the games this weekend. It's going to be awesome. Four games this weekend. It's going to be awesome. By the way, I love the San Francisco 49ers so much. I went on just for poops and giggles. Decided to go on StubHub and see how much a ticket would go for on the 50-yard line. $2,500 a ticket. Wow. Not that bad. To dream, huh? Yep. That's just for a playoff game. You know what I mean? That's just for the playoffs. So here's what I got for you. When we come back, first of all, I'll give you the word of the day. But one of the big news stories out there this morning, Heather Locklear admitted to the hospital yesterday. Why? I'll tell you. Jay, you might want to hold off until you find out why she's in the hospital. She's hospitalized. Sometimes hospitalization isn't fun.
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Lowe's. Never stop improving. Offers valid through 116-12. Special financing cannot be combined with 5% off everyday credit offers. See store for details. This report brought to you by 5-Hour Energy. You know that 2-30 feeling when you hit the wall, but you got to get stuff done. That's the time for 5-Hour Energy. 5-Hour Energy when you got to get stuff done. Well, the freeways look pretty good. Looks like a problem here on the 805 southbound right past Plaza Boulevard. There's reports of a fire. Also, some slowing this morning on the 905 westbound from Corporate Center Drive. Heritage Road speeds in the 30s right now. This report also brought to you by Pro Nutrients, a new line of three select supplements from the makers of Centrum. Help make nutrition possible. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Pretty much every morning I think that somebody's going to jump out and kill me when I get into my car. And Jay. You know you're in trouble if you can't outrun your grandma. This is The Mikey Show on FM 94.9. Our friend Lauren O'Brien has something else. I'll tell you that much right now. I'll tell you that much right now. Welcome to The Mikey Show. 5701949. Call us. Say hi. We...
We have a killer show for you today. Our phone number, 570-1949. M1 Nation. We want to hear from you. M1s are Mikey Show listeners. And when you call in, you turn your radio down. Get to the point. You don't cuss. You are one of the many. On our Facebook fan page, we currently have 16,169 fans. And we would love to grow that. So go to Facebook and like our page. Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. Tell your friends where we are. Yeah, tell your friends. And when we're on. Yeah, man. That'd be great. We want them all. We want every person in this city listening to the show. I have said that. Every one. That's how competitive I am. Me too. I feel like I'm not satisfied unless every human being is listening. Because they're going to like what they hear. They're going to laugh. They're going to start their day off right, sweetly. So the word of the day is bikini. I'll say that word sometime between now and nine. And when I do, in your call or nine, I'll give you tickets to go see Rise Against. Nice. So did I introduce? Did I introduce? I'm Mikey. I'm 41. I introduce so that people have a grasp of who you're listening to. I'm 41. I'm 100% Mexican. 100%.
That means that there is no other part of me that has any other nationality. I'm 100% Mexican. Woods is my Caucasian friend sitting across from me. He's 36. We got a big bet this weekend on the Patriots-Broncos game. It's so weird. I'm going for a team from Boston. And I hate all teams from Boston. And I got to root for these guys hard. Yeah, you do. Lauren O'Brien is the blonde girl sitting to my right. And she is 31 years of age. And Jay is 48. He's our producer. And our phone screener is 19-year-old Nicole. 19. That's right. She is in her teens. Yep. She's a teenager. Oh, my gosh. You're a teenager. I never even thought of it that way. Yeah. She's a teenager. She doesn't act like a teenager. Yeah, she's very professional. There's nothing wrong with being a teenager.
She seems very mature for her age. It would be nice to be a teenager. Let's see. Okay, so Woods, tell us about what's going on. And I'm going to tell you what's going on with Heather Locklear in a second. Yeah. What landed her in the hospital. And Woods, tell us what's going on. With the Padres. Well, so John Moores, his group owns the Padres, and CEO Jeff Morad wants to buy the Padres outright, basically. And so Bud Selig, who is the commissioner of Major League Baseball, has basically said, here's his quote, In order to make a recommendation to the 30 other clubs, the ownership committee and executive council have deferred their decision at this time. So this sale that was supposed to go through and kind of... Out with the old, in with the new, has been put on hold. And they don't know when it's going to happen again. But they're saying it could be as late as May for Mourad to take over the Padres. What will it mean? What will it mean, like, in practical? What will that look like? Let's say that it got delayed even longer. Right. What will it look like? You know, I think that it's good to have a solid ownership. Yeah, solid ownership and to know who the guy is.
You know what I mean? I don't like this in between. No, exactly. Because why would you want to commit if you're half and half? Exactly. That's exactly right, man. And that's, you know, if I ask you, hey, Mikey, who owns the Dallas Cowboys? Right. I know it's Jerry Jones. Exactly. And so, Mikey, he owns the San Diego Chargers. You know what I'm saying? So it's not all these different pieces in the mix there. So it will be put on hold. But he has said, Jeff Moran has said, look, this is not going to affect us going forward this season, and also it's not going to affect our TV deal that they're working on. All right, Woodsy, I'm going to give you the game. You tell me who is going to win it, okay? You got it, buddy. Saints at the 49ers. Saints. Broncos at the Patriots. Patriots. Texans at the Ravens. Ravens. Giants at the Packers. Packers. Okay, now you give me the games. I'll tell you what I think. Saints at Niners. Niners. Broncos at Patriots. Broncos. Texans at Ravens. Ravens. Giants at Packers. Packers. Who do you think is going to be in the Super Bowl? Gosh darn it. I'm going to go safe. I'm going to say the Patriots and the Packers.
I would like to see the Patriots and the Niners, but it's probably going to be the Patriots and the Packers. Those are the two strongest teams from their divisions. We'll see. Everybody talks about how the Patriots have a very weak defense. They give up a lot of points, but I don't know. They're kind of a different team in the playoffs. Hey, Woods was telling me this thing about how much of a craze there is right now about Tim Tebow. This will blow your mind. ESPN in one hour of SportsCenter. One SportsCenter hour. So basically, it's 48 minutes of programming. Yeah, because you take out the commercials. 48 minutes of programming. They said Tebow, 100.
And 60 times. Oh, my God. Don't believe us? Don't believe us? I have it for you. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebowing. Tebow. Tebowing. Tebowing. Tebowing. Tebowing. Tebowing. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow Mania. By the way, I'm going to continue playing, but I want you to know this was in one hour. Yeah. We're not making it up. This is one hour of programming on the show SportsCenter. Referencing. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. It's mind-blowing.
Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Wow. Jay is looking in here with his jaw dropped. That was, I'm not kidding, one hour of programming on ESPN. 160 Tim Tebow references in one hour of programming. I wonder what they think should be the top story. Yeah. Is this the biggest hype machine?
that you've ever seen. Besides O.J. Simpson? Yeah. Running away in the Bronco with Al Cowling. Yeah. This is it. Another Bronco story. Another Bronco story. Do you think that part of it is that his name is fun to say? I said that to Mike the other day. Because you've never heard of anyone with the last name Tebow before. Tebow. And you don't have to say his first and last name because there's no other Tebow. Right. If he was Smith, would it be the same? Right. If it's Rogers, Brady, Castleback. I think he's the perfect storm. And what I mean by that is, I think that people like his faith. I think that people like the fact that he wasn't supposed to be successful in the NFL. He was a big underdog. And he's humble. He doesn't run mouth. Which is unusual. Which is unusual. He doesn't run mouth. And he wins football games. Is there someone, this is always what I wonder. Is there someone or some company that just sits at the beginning of the year and is like, that's the guy this year? That's going to be the hype man. I wonder if that's it. And they just decide that they're going to saturate. They can do it if they wanted to. Yeah, they could easily. I mean, 160 times. 148 minutes. 160 times. That works out, people. To one Tebow every 18 seconds. Oh, my God. My goodness.
My goodness. He's Michael Jackson of the NFL. Once again, the guy who did the edit. Like, who took all that time? I know. It took me forever. Worked my tail off on that thing last night. Hello, I'm Johnny Cash. This day 44 years ago, 1968, Johnny Cash went to Folsom Prison and recorded a live album. That's cool. I love that, dude. Cemented his status as a legend and an icon. And a rebel. People were up in arms about that, man. Oh, yeah. That was crazy. Recorded a live album in a prison. And for those of you that are older, like our friend Jay. Yep, our friend Jay. Jay, I think, was...
Ironically, 44 years old. Yeah. 44 years ago today. Exactly right. So, you know, that's crazy. I was just glad he stopped by the prison to say hello. That's right. You were right about to be paroled. Yeah, he was on his sixth year. That's right. So, yesterday, Heather Locklear's sister called 911 about 2 o'clock in the afternoon. And she had to be hospitalized after taking a mix of prescription drugs and alcohol. Yikes. She recently broke off her engagement with Jack Wagner, the dude that was her co-star on Melrose Place. He was a singer too, wasn't he? I don't remember. All I need. All I need. Just a little more time. Why did I know that? 2008, a doctor, her doctor, called 911 and claimed that she was trying to commit suicide after taking prescription meds, but it later turned out to be a false alarm.
She was arrested that year for DUI. That was in 2008. I hope she's okay. I like Heather Locklear. Of course, dude. She's like one of our... I mean, that was it. Look at the fun bags on that horse hound. I think Heather Locklear, oddly, and I am... There is 0% of the population that would agree with the following statement. I believe she's gotten better looking with age. think that she's hotter now than she was in her heyday. I don't know. I don't know about that, pal. I actually believe it, which is weird. Is that because of your elderly fetish? No. Although a lot of people would point to that. Most people would say, well, Mike has a...
elderly fetish. As evidenced by his collection of elderly magazines. Yes. That are littered about the studio. AARP magazines everywhere. Everywhere. The Golden Years is another magazine. The Golden Girls. The Depends model. Yes. It's the reason that there is a Golden Girls Estelle Getty poster here. In the studio. Yes, and a B. Arthur in your office. Yes, well, a B. Arthur bobblehead. And a fathead. Yes, I have a B. Arthur fathead. On the wall. On the wall. Woods, that's freaking brilliant. A B. Arthur fathead. Hey, Mike, what's up with the B. Arthur fathead? That's a weird person to get a fathead made of. Yeah, like I've seen the Clay Matthews one, but I've never seen a B. Arthur one. Had it made special. Big Peter Arthur fan. But anyway, that's the deal with Heather Locklear. I hope she's all right. Yeah, she's a dime. She is something else. So look at this. David Letterman is close to a deal to be on Late Show through 2014. Now, if he finishes that contract, he will have been on the air for 32 years at the end of it. That's awesome. Think of all the interns. Think of all the interns.
When Jay gives the... What everybody else is thinking. But it's so, like, I don't know the word. Abrupt? Abrupt. Take all those interns. It's so abrupt. It's very abrupt. Maybe like 5 a.m., we decide, hey, what are we going to do today for the show? We'll go over the top news stories. And so he's been sitting on that. Oh, yeah, since then. For an hour and 20 minutes. Yeah. I can't wait. It's not true. I can't wait. It just comes to me. It's gold. When Mikey mentions David Letterman, I'm going to say, like, really fast and violently, I'm going to say, thank all the interns. Well, because I got to bring it back around to sex somehow. Yeah. Any question or any topic. And then I bring up Letterman and he's like, give me a pause. Give me a pause. Thank all the interns. Damn it.
I loved it. My timing. I was hoping you'd say something about his cap tooth, too. I had a joke for that. Well, Carson was on for 30 years, and so if Letterman finishes in 2014, he'd be 32 years, man. Wow. And I don't think of him as iconic as Johnny Carson. Oh, well, if you combine his years, L.O.B., with late night and what he's doing now, he is definitely as iconic as he will be. That's crazy. There was probably less competition when Johnny Carson was in. He was the guy. Carson was hysterical, man. I've just seen bits and pieces. That dude was funny. Yeah. Funny, funny. This next story is one of the skeeviest stories you're going to hear. And prepare yourself. Great. I mean, as you're driving down the freeway right now, put that seatbelt on a little tighter for this one. This story comes to you from Spring Valley, right here in East County. There was a home that they're having to demolish there in Spring Valley. And they're having to demolish it because of the 10 years of neglect. Well, it's not just neglect. There's also a lot of rats that have run amok in said house. You see...
The county supervisor said this is the first time that the county's ever had to demolish a property like this because of rats. January 17th, they'll start the work, which they say should take about two weeks to complete. Now, the neighbor's been complaining about it for 15 years. Oh, my God. 15 years. These rats have been taking over this house. Oh, my God. Breeding. Breeding. Was there a person living in there? No. Just an empty house. Just an empty house. Yeah, the rat motel. Yeah, the rat motel. The rat hut. Yeah. This guy says, I've been with the county 25 years. I've never seen anything like it. Oh, my God. It was like the wild animal park at night. Oh. Now, now, this next sentence from this guy.
Just brace yourself. I can't breathe. He said, we heard a lot more than we could see. See, we could hear the scurrying and the scampering. He said it was very eerie. Even during the day we saw them, and usually you don't. That just means there's a lot of them. If you see rats during the day, well, it's fine. You could hear them scurrying along the fences. The neighbors, of course, there in Spring Valley were very concerned because they could see grease marks on the fence. Do you know what the grease marks were? That was what was left behind as the rats would run their feces across the top of the fence. You see, it accumulated and accumulated over so many years that as the rats made their way across that fence, it actually became greasy.
They had eaten away the drywall. Eaten away the drywall. That's right. Why are they so filthy? Why are they so filthy? Why are they so filthy? This makes my grundle hurt. Oh, yeah. So bad. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What do they do for the overall circle of life? Yes. Why do we need them? What do we need them for? Even PETA is like, kill them. Get rid of them. Please. Their tails are... Oh, my God. Rings on them. Oh, God. Oh, Lord. Oh, God. Oh, that's too descriptive, too descriptive. Oh, my God. Too descriptive, too descriptive. My grundle. It hurts. I feel like there's one in the story. I know. I was reading it. I lifted my feet up. As I read the story, I lifted my feet up. It's so scary. Wow. It's a skeevious thing. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. God, tell that story later, too. What do you, if you get. If you pull that card and you work for the city and you're like, what's my next assignment? And you grab your card and you go, oh, my gosh. Oh, no. Oh, no. You know what I would do? And I'm being completely serious. I would go to my boss and I'd pray my boss wasn't somebody like Jay. I know. Jay, let's role play. This is how it would happen. Hey, dude.
Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, come on in. Have a seat. You're sending me to the Spring Valley house to do the... Yeah. Oh, man. It's a nasty one, too. Dude, I heard that it's been 15 years and that they're even seen in a day. Oh, yeah. It's going to be fun. I have not told you this, but I have a fear of rats, bro. Oh, look, man. Look, I've got you on the case. I'm sorry. You're going to have to work. Bro, I can't do it. I can't. Like, you've got to be cool with me. So I should send Helen instead of you? Dude. If Helen doesn't have an issue, but I have like an issue. So Joe's got a birthday with his kids. Dude. You want me to tell him that he can't go hang out with his kids for a birthday? Bro, I'm scared. I cannot do it. Well, happy birthday, dude. Happy birthday. This is the third time you've been in here whining off a case. Holy cow. Have you got a sinus infection as well this time? Oh, wow. Oh, he just hurts. All right, solo. Let me tell you something. Cut solo. Yesterday? I was at my shrink's office. Uh-oh. And I was sitting out in the waiting area. And I had this pain come into my gut. And it's the fact that every once in a while, I'll pass little tiny gallstones. Ouch. Now, in February, I'm scheduled to have surgery. But I won't be. Because Jay, when I told Jay that I was thinking about it, he goes, that's great, mate. Now, go ahead and just take time off, huh? I guess we're just going to.
Just take all the time you need. Can't you do it on the weekend? They don't take out golf stones on the weekend. How about Friday at 10? This guy, you think his kids get away with not doing chores at home? There's no way. His kids could have, they could be, they could have malaria, and he's going to make him cut the grass. Hey, Jay, what about, and I don't know how you are on this, so I'm going to ask, did your kids... Because we all faked sick when we were growing up to not go to school. Oh, they had to go. I mean, if they're... They probably know, like with dad. They ain't getting around. Yeah, I'm going to school. If you're sick, you need to be running a temperature. Wow! And if you insist upon staying home, then there's no TV, there's no nothing. He will get you. You can stay in your bed or you can lay on the couch, but there's no TV. He's like Stalin. He's like Stalin, yeah. He's the Stalin of kids staying home. He's the Stalin of North County. We are going to play buzzword when we come back. So call us right now, 570-1949. You're going to pick me, Woods, or L-O-B, and we'll get this thing on. Let's do it.
is the Mikey Show on FM 94.9. for just $149 per month. At Kearney Mesa Subaru, we have a great selection of new and certified pre-owned Subarus. We're also San Diego's number one volume certified pre-owned Subaru dealer. Don't miss the Kearney Mesa Subaru planned opening event going on now. It just makes sense. Just minutes from anywhere in San Diego or visit sandiegosuburudealer.com. A Sunrow dealership. 2012 and present leases. Model CJD for 42 months with 10,000 miles per year with 15 cents per mile thereafter. At 2005, 55, do at least sign a no security deposit. Unapproved above average credit. One of his payments in 0072. How many times in 2011 did you say, I need to get in shape? Well, it's 2012 and you have no more excuses. This is LOB and I want to talk to you about Choose Fitness. Choose is the absolute best gym value in San Diego, hands down. They have memberships starting as low as $9.99 a month with no long-term commitment.
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Start this new year off right with NutriShop. Start getting results today. Go in there and talk to these guys, man. They'll do a customized meal plan for you. The pricing is phenomenal. Check them out at NutriShopUSA.com. This is an urgent message for all individuals with extremely large credit card debt. No matter how much you owe on your credit cards, the company that has settled more debt than anyone in the U.S. could settle your debt too. While you make one low monthly program payment, you have the opportunity to hear how low your monthly program payment could be for free. This free information is available now simply by calling Freedom Debt Relief at 1-800-900-7389. I repeat, if you have extremely large credit card debt, you now have the ability to reduce your total debt and get one simple low monthly program payment. This could allow you to resolve your debt faster than you ever thought possible. But you should act quickly. Call Freedom Debt Relief now to learn how much you could save. 1-800-900-7389. Again, this life-changing information is available for free. To find out how much you may be able to save, call today. 1-800-900-7389. That's 1-800-900-7389. 1-800-900-7389.
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On a throw pillow on my sofa. Really brings the room together. Call Geico today. You could save even more when Geico helps you with your homeowner's insurance. My wife's monthly trip to the beauty salon was really adding up. I mean, between dying her roots and trimming the dead ends, we were going dead broke. So to save some money, I'm cutting it for her. Don't wake up yet. Go to sleep, go to sleep. You're almost gorgeous. Oh, she is going to love this. There's an easier way to save. Get online. Go to Geico.com. Get a quote.
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Mass Boulevard, it's a stalled car. They're just waiting on a tow truck in that area. The 8 eastbound at the 15 north, a little slow, 38 miles an hour. And as you head over to the 54 west, Grand Avenue, Galapagos Street, speeds are dropping 39 miles an hour. This report, it's also brought to you by Allstate. Get better protection with a personal touch, your local Allstate agent. They'll help you get the coverage that's right for you at the best possible price. Dollar for dollar, nobody protects you like Allstate. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now, though. Tickets, please. With Mikey. I'm a pretty honest guy, and I've been a pretty honest guy for many years. Woods. I'll never forget it, as long as I live. It was some village in Africa. She had, like, 60 of those rings around her neck and just boobs hanging out. Lauren. You know what I think the scariest thing is about clowns? They don't say anything. Yeah, that's right. Even though they can talk. And Jay. Just a man trying to do the right thing. On FM 94.9. Word of the day is bikini. I haven't said it yet. I will work it into a sentence between now and nine. And when I do, caller number nine, you'll get a pair of tickets to go see Rise Against. Tell me what you think about this. Get a word. Then a clue. Without the end, it's what you do. It's time to play
570-1949. Here's how the game's played. You are going to pick me, Woods, or L-O-B to represent you. Then Jay's going to give us a word and some clues, and we have to yell out the answer. Now, Woods dominates this game, but... He's so good at it. But, yeah, he's so great at it. He wins every single time. Yeah, he can't help but win. In fact, he guarantees that he'll win today. Yeah. Guarantees it. It's foolproof. Even when he wins, he loses. M1 Meter Reader from Oceanside. Who do you want? Weird. Weird. Oh, that's a great choice because we're going to win. Unbeatable. Let's see. M1 Sarah from Oceanside. Who do you want? L-O-B. You got it. You got it, sister. And M1 Dan from Oceanside. I apologize. You got me. Sorry. Hang on. I'm going to do it this time. I know it. I'm going to feel good. I'm standing up. All right. What's the word? The word is jump. Okay. All right. You say so. Here we go. Let's do it. J-U-M-P. Jump. Johnny Depp played... 21 Jump Street. Burn it. Gosh. Woods. Woods. Here we go.
A parachutist uniform. Jumpsuit. What? What did you say? A parachutist. Oh, okay. I thought you said a pair of shoes. A jumpsuit. I was like, what? Three short terms for a short distance. Long jump. Hops, give it a jump. Hops, give it a jump. I said long jump. Three short terms. Long jump. British term for sweater. Jumpsuit. Jump jacket. Jump cardigan. Cardigan jump. Jumper. A jumper. A jumper. No. He did the buzzer. No. He got it. How dare you. How dare you. How do you. What is it? A jumper. How do you know that? I don't know. Dang it.
What are you trying to do, Jay? What's the math? My wall of sound went completely blank. Well, don't do that mean buzzer then. Simple no. There we go. All right, here we go. Here we go. Still this stupid word? Yes. Help for a weary car battery. Jumpstart! Oh, yeah. Jumpstart! It's jumpstart. I said it. I'm the only one that said it. It's not jumpstart. It's not jumpstart. Quick jump! A jumper car. A jumper. A jumper cable. Jumper cable. Yes! Damn it! Dang it! Damn it! A jumpstart. I'm the only one who said it. Like, I don't care. It's still wrong. Is it wrong? It's wrong, Poofinger. Oh, gosh. Here we go. Easy, Poofinger. Easy, Fendong. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Let's get first. One's true and one is not. Right. Wait. Let's do this. Come on. I thought that was the clue. Common calisthenics. Jumping jacks, jumping jacks, jumping jacks. Dang it. Woods. I can't concentrate. Gosh. I want a different word. Abandon the boat. Jump ship. Jump ship. Yes. Woods. It's awesome you having to say it three times. Oh, boy. I want a different word. All right. I'll give you what you want. Mexican jumping beans. I had to get it out.
All right, the new word is under. Under. Under. U-N-D-E-R. Under. Being built at present. Under construction. Nice job. Damn it. I thought he said bean. So did I. He said bean. Bean. Bean. Bean. Bean. Bean. Bean. At the present. What is it again? Being built at the present. Bean. Bean. Built at the present. Bean. Bean. Mikey? A bean built at the present. That's beaner built at the present. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Stop it. Gosh, darn it. I thought I misunderstood. You're a spigot. Here we go. A bigot. Here we go. What's the word? Jump. Under. Under. Under. Please don't do me. Under. Not chaotic. Under the weather.
Under control. There you go. Gosh darn it. Gosh darn it. Gosh darn it. Score. What's the freaking score? Give the score. Mikey one, Lauren three, Woods five. Here we go. Emphasized by drawing a line. Underscore. Underline. I mean Mikey. What was it? Underscore. Was it? It was. Underscore. Being shot at. Under fire. Under fire. Under fire. There you go. Stop saying bean. Stop saying bean. Bean under attack. Bean under attack. Hate crime. Hate crime. Bean scared. Bean. Bean in control. All right. What's the word? Bean. What is it? The word is bean, L-O-B. The word is under. It's bean. Under, under, under. Here we go. Sworn in. Under. L-O-B. Son of a. Gosh darn it. All right. We need to figure out what the scores are so I can pad the points here. Mikey two, Lauren four, Wood six. Two, four, six. Here we go. Let's do some three-pointers here. Oh, gosh. Nice, nice. Comprehend. Understand. Son of. L-O-B. Oh, wow. Wow, L-O-B. Wait, what was it?
Three points. Three points. Wait, so I went from a... Seven. Seven. That's eight. There you go. Okay. Can you count? One who assumes responsibility or works in insurance. Underwriter! Oh, gosh. It's underwriter. Oh, my gosh. All right. We've got three more. Oh, God. Holy cow. There's so many. Come on! An idea spoken but not stressed enough. Understated! Understated! Understatement. That's understatement. Understatement. Yes! Oh, I think I have to spring rank. Horses. Hey, I can't help what it says here. Those three points? Yeah, those three points. Two more? I'm sweating. Two more. I'm sweating. Okay. Where your mustache goes? Under your nose! Really? Is that it? I think that's it. Wait, wait, wait. Yes! There's one more question. I don't think you can catch it, can you? Yes, I can. Can you? I can beat him by one. Let's do it. All right, bye. Dang it. Let's do it.
David, boy, sang it with Queen. Under pressure! Boy. Isolate. Save. Save. Save. Save it. David, boy. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus, so much. It's better than the wind. It's better than the wind. It's better than the wind. Boy. Boy. I can't get it right. Bowie! Bowie! It's better than the win. That is better than the win. So glad. David, boy. Boy. Isolate. Save. Isolate. He's going to give me a laugh heart attack. He's going to be the death of me. Oh, my God. David, boy. David, boy. Hey, there's a lot of pressure in here. Boy. Boy. Boy. I'm sitting there. I'm like, who's David? Bean feeling it lately. Bean. Bean under attack. Oh, my God. A state of being. Being. You just in there being perfect, Mac? Yeah. Is that it? Being misunderstood. I've been misunderstood for years. David Bowie may be my favorite one. Bowie. Hold on. Follow me. Ready? I'm not playing this game. I'll teach you. Ready? Okay. David Bowie. Bowie. Yeah, perfect. Oh, my gosh. Bowie.
Oh, my gosh. I got it now. Oh, my gosh. Boy. David Boy. Video game for the Nintendo. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. My ribs almost broke. Oh, man. Friday buzzwords are good. Friday buzzwords is a good thing, man. Gets you in the mood. Oh, man. Gets you all. My heart's racing. What's that, Jay? Oysters. Okay. Yes. Let me tell you, M1 Nation, if you want to experience pure bliss, it's Woods off the air tutoring Jay. There is nothing, and Jay will get irritated and be like, I said it! And Woods will go, you're putting too much emphasis on the end. It's oyster. And Jay will go, oyster. Oyster. Jay. Aston Kutcher. Aston Kutcher. Perfect. Aston Kutcher. Perfect. That's right. See, I know you're not helping me. Aston Kutcher. Aston answered. My gosh. Hopefully she gets put in the general populace, whatever it's called. Yep. General populace. There, I got to know. That's the general. My favorite one by far. Don. Don Knox.
It's perfect. It's perfect. 70s Tim Conway Don Knox flick. By the way, Mike, that was the first one. That was the first time there was a little bit of a glimmer. Or it was the first time we noticed it. He said Don Knox. This is something his wife has been giving him hell for for years. She still does. One of the greatest things is M1's spelling it out. Yes. Because they will spell, like, what is this, the Denver? The Denver Broncos. Yeah, and they'll spell it. Denver Broncos. Denver. Denver. O-R-E. And it will, when I see it, out loud. I mean, out loud, at home, out loud. My dad does the same thing, and he stormed out of Panera Bread over the Christmas break. Is that a true story? That's my mom pointing one out. Oh, no. Is that a true story? That is a true story. Do you remember what it was? It was someone's last name. His thing is more with names. He screws up everyone's names. He says Charlie, first of all. Charlie. For no, I mean, my grandmother does the same thing. It's just that I don't know what it is. So you're at Panera. Who's there? It was me, my mom, my little sister, and my dad. And we were there for my little sister's birthday. That's her favorite place to go. It's even...
like a life event. Yeah, it's a birthday. It's a birthday. We were nearing the end of dinner and he was talking about someone's last name and my mom, her face just like clenched up, eyes rolled back and she's like, I said, it's not, you always do that. It's not whatever the name was. Was it instant anger? Um, no, no, it boiled over. It boiled over. Did she not let it go? Yeah, she didn't let her, um, exasperation just kept growing. For the fact that he never gets anyone's name right. And what did he finally do? He goes, that's it. Slammed his hand down and he goes, I'll wait outside for you. But he was like in, we were in a booth, so he had to like scurry and scoot to get out. The mad scoot. The mad scoot. The mad scoot. The mad scoot. Did anybody look over? Oh, everybody. Oh, my gosh. Well, no. Everybody looked when he flung the door open to Panera Bread and the door hit the wall. Oh, it went all the way around. Yep. And then he stood outside and waited for us in the cold. Just seething. Just so mad. I can relate. He had pronounced someone's Italian last name wrong. Like it matters. Can I tell everyone and pull the curtain back a little bit on what Jay, and I just said, save it. Let's talk about it on the air. Save it. First of all, Jay has OCD. There is no doubt in my mind. No question. And Woods will go, Mike. And I'll look up and he'll just nudge his head to take a look at Jay.
Cleans incessantly. Yeah. Cleans incessantly. Yep. You ever seen Jack Nicholson in that movie? As Good As It Gets. As Good As It Gets? Yep. Jay. Yeah. I mean, he, even if it's not his area, he has to have it clean. Yeah. No, it's just you guys are pigs. That's probably my bit here. Drives him insane. Oh, it drives me insane. I think someone has to do it because you guys leave your stuff around. I used to do it, and then Woods and I got into a blowout fight over it. Listen, you will walk away. We got in a blowout fight about a BB. I agree with Woods. I agree with what's a creepy. Your area is your area. Yeah, that's right. You get your area. But your guy's area spills over. You take up the whole counter. So how does that affect you, Lauren, or you, Jay? Because it's embarrassing. Because the studio is supposed to be a nice, comfortable place where everything's put away. Wait a minute. By the way, he's not even in the studio. No, he's not in the studio. I had to look through a pile of junk. You see, Jay is separated by glass in a completely different room.
This morning, he took it to a whole new level. And I'm asking you to ask yourself, if you work with someone like this, the cleaner. Yeah, cleaner. They're called the cleaner. Well, they're in your business. Yes. If the cleaner wasn't there, you guys would miss the cleaner. I clean. I pick up and organize my stuff. It just takes a while. Yes. And my wife tried something on me to get me to change it. Yeah. Because I left a plate that had... And one tiny piece of not-eaten toast on it. It's weird. You skipped that. And she was like... Must have fallen on the floor. Usually you lick it clean. I ain't never seen Mike with a morsel of food on any of his plates. Usually don't even make it to the plate. It's got to be a made-up story. And so she left it there. And I'm a clean-it camel. I can wait it out forever, man. It's years. Yeah. So this morning, Jay takes it to a new level. He says... Speaking of, do you mind if I straighten up your office? Your office. Right. My office. Which, by the way, when I come in every morning, the office door is closed anyway. Right. Well, poor Nicole. That's where she sits and screens phones. What I want to do is I want to take it, get rid of all the stuff that you've forgotten about. Clothing, belts, t-shirts. Come on in, Nicole. Blankets.
And I want to take the whole desk, and I want to push it forward so she has a workspace instead of a TV tray to work on. Okay. All right. Jay, I only ask you one question. Yes. As Nicole comes in here, I only ask you one favor, and that is that you not influence Nicole. I will. And see, look at, Woods knew it. Yeah. He made it so that Nicole cannot see Jay. Yep. And you cannot make a sound, Jay. Cannot make a sound. Turn his mic off. Oh, wait. I'll turn my mic off. Turn your mic off. Oh. That was Jay playing. Jay. Nicole, you work in my office each day. Yeah. Have you in any way been hindered from your duties because of my things? No. Okay. Have you ever had the occasion to come into my office where you screen phone calls and trip over anything? No. I have a question, Mike. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead, Woods. Nicole.
Have you ever voiced any displeasure with your current working situation or workspace? No. Can I approach the witness? No, no. Just a few more questions here. If you don't mind. Have you ever, because sometimes people don't feel comfortable complaining to their superiors, so have you ever in any passive-aggressive way or in any way whatsoever Made it clear. Objection. Lady of the witness. That you are uncomfortable with the clutter. You're out of order. In the office. You are out of order. Nicole, have you ever, when maybe out with friends for dinner, said, you know, guys, the office I work in is a real asshole. Yes. Have you ever done that? No. Nicole, have you ever thought, yes, it's ample. But wouldn't it be nice to sit in that desk behind me that no one ever uses? No one ever. She works off a TV tray. She's got her little laptop. It's a TV tray. Things are falling off. She's like this. She's like, oh, goodness. I would like to see a picture of her room, too. I have a feeling that she may be a closet mess herself. And I would like to see her. Are you messy at home or do you keep a clean place?
I'm pretty clean. Well, let me tell you something. If you haven't complained about that pigsty in there, then something's wrong with you. Furthermore, you're grounded. Honestly, I've been cleaning in there and you don't even know it. Gosh darn. Stop cleaning stuff. I do know it. I'll go in there and I'll see everything all organized. Jay, I appreciate you. Thank you. I do not. He walks in this morning and grabs, I have snacks right here, like beef jerky. He comes in and grabs it. And starts to walk out of the room with it. I go, what are you doing? Get away from me. You don't need it right here. You don't need it. You don't need it. He's trying to keep a nice area for our guests. Freaking Joe Busybody in there. I know it. Every office has one. Every office has one. He's ours. Now, speaking of Jay, when we come back, we're going to do something called iPod Singalong. No. What we do is... He puts in his iPod earphones and sings along. But all we're going to hear is acapella J. Oh, yes. It's next. Bye, gorgeous. Good job. Here's traffic. Excellent. 570-1949. Or text at 949mikey at gmail.com. More coming up in just a couple. FM 94.9. Here at Stater Brothers, we know you're always looking for great value without compromising quality.
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Well, it looks like we've got a couple things going on. One, on the 15 northbound before Tierra Santa Boulevard, we've got a car fire. Also here on the 8 eastbound right past College Avenue, someone's walking around. Watch out for them. Starting to slow on the 805 northbound, University Avenue to the 94 east. We've got speeds in the mid-40s. This report, it's brought to you by your Toyota dealers, San Diego County Toyota dealers. With the new year upon us, now's a great time to bring your car to your neighborhood Toyota dealers. from batteries to tires, Toyota's got you covered. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Do I know you? Mike to the Mikey Show. Welcome. Dude. I told Rebecca I loved her for the first time through text message. Woods. Woods. Are you kidding? Woods. It was very heady. I don't like that. I like gritty drama. Lauren. Just give me your opinion and I'll be on my way. And Jay. Keep it together. Why you? On FM 94.9. Tonight I'm gonna break away. There was no Twitter when this came out. No. There was no manscaping.
When this was popular. There was no ladiescaping. There was no ladiescaping. There was no escaping. There was no escaping. The only escaping there was was actual landscaping. Where did I put it, Woods? Where did I put it? What? This stupid playoff sheet. I got it for you if you need it. Yeah, I do. We'll give you the playoff rundown for the weekend. I'm very excited. That's going to be an awesome weekend. On Saturday, there's two games. Saints at 49ers is 1.30 our time on Fox. The Broncos at Patriots is 5 p.m. on CBS. Woods and I are watching that game. Yes, we are. We invited Lauren. She said, absolutely not. We may have to pay her $100 to come. I considered it for that. Seems fair. We have to pay her to hang out with us. Yes. Literally. Our co-worker and friend. What she said was, when we asked her if she wanted to come watch the game, she said, if I don't end up going to L.A., then probably not. Brilliant, is what she said. And our ears perked up, and then...
She just gave you the pregnant pause. Yes, very pregnant. Let us let us down. Then on Sunday, the Texans at Ravens is the 11 a.m. game on CBS. Then the Giants at Packers at one thirty. And that game is on Fox. Also, if you are a Major League Baseball fan, you will be bummed out to know that Major League Baseball club owners have voted to extend Commissioner Bud Selig's contract through 2014. That will make him. 80 years old when the new deal ends. Maybe we get some fresh blood. Oh, wow. That office. That guy is a king clown. So the word of the day is bikini. I haven't said it yet, but when I do, I'll weave it into a sentence. And when I do, all you got to do is be caller nine to get tickets to go see Rise Against. The Tebow bet, the way that it's working. And what we're going to do is we're going to have Jared. from createyourdesignonline.com, who is our web guy, we're going to have him post all the rules. But basically what we're going to do is we're going to have it so that if Tim Tebow completes a pass, Woods is going to have to eat an oyster. And if...
Tim Tebow turns the ball over, I have to eat a piece of cantaloupe. So for every turnover, and I hate cantaloupe, he hates oysters. Oysters. Oysters. So, and then if, by the way, if the Broncos win outright, Woods is going to lick Jay's armpits. Gosh, that's the worst thing I've ever heard. I'll give it a good, like... Ew! No, Woods! Oh, gosh! I'm not bathing this weekend either. That doesn't make any difference from any other weekend, so... Now... Wasn't there another part of the bet? What am I forgetting? You're forgetting the part where I give you 14 points. 14 points. And if the Patriots win by 15 points, I win the bet. You take us all to lunch at Cheesecake Factory. We let the M1s know they can come visit and watch. But you'll be wearing a toupee. A bad toupee. A bad toupee. And, I mean, the whole time.
And you can't do bets. You just have to sit low. And you have to act like that is your toupee. And if I lose that bet, so if the Broncos lose by 14. If the Broncos lose by 14. Then you lose. I lose. So then I will be in a Tebow jersey that comes down to just below my wiener probably with a Speedo on and some pink. Ankle socks. And we just caught Jay. We just caught Jay. We just caught Jay. Going online to try to learn the word oyster. That is the greatest thing that's ever happened. That's the greatest thing ever. And we caught him. We caught him. We caught him doing it. He wanted to figure out how to say the word. Oyster. Now he does it in a British accent. Play the guys again. Oyster. He will always say it in a British accent. He'll have to. He'll have to. Because that's the way he's learned it. He's learned it that way. So he'll go, Oyster. Oyster. Oyster. Oyster. Oyster. Oyster. Oysters. We caught him. We caught him.
We are in the middle of talking about our football bet on the air. And when it played, by the way, when it played, he made a face like, oh, gosh. Oh, crap. I forgot I had it on. That's legendary. That is legend. That is legendary. He took these little steps to my head to figure out what he was doing. Yeah. I was like, wait, did he just try to play a drop? Or did he just, oh, my gosh. He was trying to learn how to say. Pronunciation. Yeah. Oysters. Oysters. Jay. Say it. Oyster. Now I can say it. I had a hard time. Oyster. Wrong and British. Let's do it again. Oyster. That's wrong, Jay. I don't think it is. I don't know what's wrong or right anymore. Oyster. Oyster. Oyster. Oyster. That's how you say it. Is it? Yeah. Now you got it. Oyster. I'm going to be on the side here.
He'll be at home all weekend. My heart's racing. That is brilliant. We're just talking about football, and we hear, oyster. What the hell was that? Jay's trying to learn the word oyster while we're on the... Next thing you know, Mike will be in the middle of his testimony today, and you'll hear, irrelevant. Irrelevant. Irrelevant. Irrelevant. David Bowie. David Bowie. Whatever you think you know about this man is irreverent. Irrelevant. It's not like it's Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift. It's Taylor Swift. It's not like it's Taylor Swift. I'm sorry. Didn't make Shakespeare in the Park? No. Here's the interesting part. You have to be naked. Elton John in the background. Yeah, Elton in the background. Dan Roethlisberger. We're supposed to be doing some topics here. Oh, my God. And there's Marty Schuttenheimer. That's correct. Slow, but got it. Slow, but accurate. Doesn't say that. Thy shall not kill. No, it doesn't. It doesn't say that anyway. It's nothing ever in the history of anything. What was that? Doesn't say that. Thy shall not kill. Thou. Don't ever change. Nintendo. No.
Video game for the Nintendo. Okay. And finally. What do you think you know about this man is irreverent? There's another irreverent. Yes. And he hasn't put it up yet. Oh, gosh. It just delights me. It tickles me. It hurts muscles that I didn't know I had when I laughed. It tickles me so much. I think about it all day long and start laughing. I have a new page of, like, fun stuff, and that's one of my pages. And Jay. as producer of the show, had to load clips of him flubbing words. I mean, how painful is that? He had to sit there and labor over words that he's flubbed. One by one. That's so good. There's a lot of them. Thankfully, on that same page, there's some stuff from L.O.B. that's just as awesome. L.O.B., we sent her out on our first assignment. to interview people, and she had had a couple of cocktails. 17. Name three judges from American Idol. Now, so you know, so you know, Lauren had had a couple of drinks, and so she decided, I got to get it together. I got work to do. I got work to do. This is no more fooling around. Can't mess around. It's running late.
And I'm running out of time. So she went into the bathroom, splashed cold water on her face. Composed herself. Composed herself. And she has told us that when she did this, she thought she sounded spot on. I thought I was like Diane Sawyer. Connie Chung. Name three judges from American Idol. That is what alcohol can do to your brain. You think that you sound normal. Don't do it. Don't do it. I recorded myself first just messing around. I was interviewing Matt in the bathroom. And I was like, I sound drunk. I don't need to get it together. Her boyfriend, by the way, her boyfriend, Matt Commerce, will have to at times kind of pull her aside and say, maybe it's time. One of the ways that he knows that it's time is she'll break into song. That's her boyfriend saying, let's interview some people. Let's interview some people. Let's get your interview done.
It's like sitting down. It's like going to Donovan's on somebody else and getting, they're like, hey, hey, you can get whatever the hell you want, man. You got crab cakes. You got a big bottle of pinot. You got a steak, a lobster tail. Anything? Anything? Yeah. And then it comes to the table and you just... Name three judges from American Idol. That's the taste of that lobster meat nipped in butter. And just going right in your mouth. Yes. It's so sweet. It's succulent. And succulent. Name three judges from American Idol. There's nothing like it. There's nothing like it. There's nothing like it. All right. Ready for iPod sing-along? Yes. So much. Here's the way it works. Jay will put in... Little earbuds. Now, make sure, Jay, that you have the earbuds low enough so that we absolutely cannot hear the music. Oh, good. He's coming in here. I'm going to test you. I can't remember who came up with this idea, but as soon as it was pitched, I thought, this might be good. I think it was L-O-B. Can you guys hear anything? Yeah, I can hear it. It's too loud. I can hear all of it. It's too loud. Way too loud. Can you hear it clear as day? Yes, I can hear it as if the band were actually in the room.
I cannot hear it. Can't hear it. Good. Can't hear it. Nothing? Nope. Okay. You can control my volume if you want. All right. So Jay is going to put on a pair of headphones. Oh, I love it. First song? We're only doing one song. Yeah. Are we only doing... Oh, no, no. No, we are not. Oh, no, we're not. This is not the agreement. Oh, no, we're not. Dang you. All right. Oh, are they up here or something? No. Okay, cool. We just get to hear what it sounds like and it should, if everything works out as planned, it should just sound funny to hear and sing without the music. I can't hear you guys, so. Okay. Anytime. There's a fire starting in my heart. Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out of the dark. Finally I can see you. Crystal clear. Ahead and sail me out and I'll lay your ship to his bear. See how I leave him. I don't know where it's going. Don't underestimate the things that I will do. There's a fire starting in my heart. Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark. That's it. That's it. That's it. Sit tight. Oh, just sit tight. We're not done. We're not done.
Okay. Best bit ever. Lauren, you need to be nominated for some sort of award. It's my favorite. You need to be nominated for an award. Is this your idea? Yes. And I'll tell you why it's great. I'll tell you why it's great. Because there's so many isolates in it. There's a million. That's the beauty of it. You can just isolate so many parts of this. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Brace yourselves. For this one. Here we go. Can I take one earphone off so I can hear it? No. No. Absolutely not. I can't hear myself. No. Here we go. Oh, my gosh. You think I'm pretty without any mouth on. You think I'm funny, but that's when the punchline's wrong. Now you get me, so I let my walls come down. Oh, hey. Before you met me, things were kind of heavy. You brought me to every February. You'll be my valentine. Let's go the way tonight. No regrets. Just love. Oh, my God. My brain may explode. Woods is singing along. Oh, yeah, of course. Woods is melding the world. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. For the record, I can't hear a thing. Oh, my gosh. That's why it's great. It's brilliant. You want one more? Yes, please. One more. Please, one more. Please, one more. Please, one more.
Oh, my gosh. It's so hard to stay quiet. Yeah, I know. I was just biting my tongue in half. Ready? Yes. It's a little bit of a long intro. Is it? Long intro. You're screaming. You can't hear us. You can't hear us. I'll just play guitar. You can't hear us. Here we go. Here we go. Still. Is it still going, the intro? Still intro. All right. It's a long intro. I think it may be coming right now. It'll be worth it. Oh, totally. Here we go. All the way to the chorus. All the way to the chorus. I think so. Here we go. Maybe a little longer. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? Here we go. This is it. Paranoia is in bloom. The VR transmission will resume real soon. Push drugs to keep us all dumbed down and hope that we will never see the truth around. So come.
No, the promise. Another seed. Packaged. It's trapped in greed. And then the green belts wrapped around our minds. The endless red tape to keep the truth confirmed. You're killing me with the volume. Here we go. They will not force us. They will stop. degrading us. They will not control us. We will be victorious. Unbelievable. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. My eardrums are important to me, Woods. He created it to 11. He's going to 11. He's going to 11. Oh, my face.
Yeah, keep it rolling. That's standing ovation at Carnegie Hall. The fact that he can't hear himself, that's the best. Hey, it's too loud! Oh my gosh. I can't breathe. It's the greatest. There was so many. He goes... He messes up. Katy Perry. Amazing. Katy Perry. Just amazing. Jay is a national treasure. National treasure. That is a true story, Woods. I have a headache from laughing. That is unbelievable. My face hurts. Yeah. And, like, poor Nicole has to... She's videotaping it, and she's trying not to shake. Because she's laughing, and she's trying not to shake the camera.
Oh, my gosh. I couldn't look at him because I was afraid of exactly what would happen. When I looked at him, I lost it. Yeah. It was brilliant. It's hard. You can't hear yourself. Lauren freaking O'Brien. You're welcome. iPod sing-along with Jay. Oh, gosh. It was so good. Oh, wow. And now, immediately, all I'm thinking about is... Oh, yeah, I got to get him with this one. I got to get him with that one. I think we should share. Nope. No. No. Zero percent. I was listening to that Adele song in the car the other day, and I was like, yep, that's it. The Adele? Adele. Dude, him just getting to that chorus and then... Fire. Mikey Show, hello. Hey, good morning. Hey, can I challenge Jay? I want Jay to do some King Diamond. Now, that's a great thing. What we need to do is we've got to have people go to our Facebook page and start to suggest. Yeah. Give us suggestions for him to sing. Hits. Hits. Yeah, songs that people know. And they've got to be queued up on the iPod, so. Yeah. Mikey Show, hello. It's in with Veronica. Hi. Oh, my God. I am laughing and crying in my office. It was the best thing ever. God bless you, Lauren. And we are Jake Wright.
How great is Jay going? Don't even know I'm doing it. Jay, when you listen back to that. I'm not going to ever. Never, ever. He's nervous. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. Singing. I hate to sing. Hey, maybe I should have pulled your pants down in the middle of it like you did to me the other day when I was singing. Oh, okay. How has that never been thought of? I know. To make it so that somebody cannot... All you can hear is them. I'm just scrolling through my iPod right now. My little sister does it. I mean, there's so many. She is... She loves to sing. Yeah. Loves to sing, but she's constantly off key, and you can't hear what she's listening to, and that was part of the inspiration. Oh, that's so good. It's the greatest. So good. It's just absolutely the greatest. Oh, gosh. It's so good. Mikey's show is also informative. What have I got for you? This is the stuff you got to eat if you don't want to get a cold. It'll help. Blueberries. Of course. Antioxidants. Yeah. Woods is oxidant free. Yeah, I've been eating a ton of blueberries. Chowing those things down. Yep. And so I have no oxidants in my whole body. Pumpkin seeds. Love them.
Disgusting. Fake. Eggs. Yep. Papayas. Yep. Lemons. Yes. And kiwi. You eat that stuff, it'll help you to get over a cold and to not get a cold. That's so very much. Reaction. Call us, 570-1949. Did you like Jay's singing? The Mikey Show. I like him. I like it. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. You're a nerd. More coming up in just a couple. FM 94.9.
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On the 805, the 805 northbound from El Cajon Boulevard to about the 94 east, speeds in the upper 40s. This report also brought to you by Children's Advil. Nothing will bring your child's fever down faster or keep it down longer. Choose Children's Advil. Relief you can trust. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. This is Bird, Bird Surf Shed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for a Friday morning. Brought to you by Guayaquil Yerba Mate. Hot or cold, good stuff. Try it out. Stop by the shed for a cup full. Surf-wise today, under kind of nice skies, clearing up nicely again this morning with some offshore winds. The swell direction overall has dropped off out of the west-northwest, secondary-southwest on it as well. Running in the smaller side, though, to be sure, need a waist high on average, some pluses on that. Top spots might see a few chest-high plus that ways, though, later in the day as that tide starts to fill back in and signs of a new approaching west-northwest swell start to show up as well. Right now, beaches semi-welled up, pick and choose corners, better by the structured areas to improve throughout the morning. Reef breaks, they got a few pop-up peaks, but kind of weak.
For up-to-the-minute surf reports forecast, go to surfline.com. And for all your surfboard repair restoration needs, go see Joe Roper down on Marina Boulevard. Tell them Bert sent you. The authentic surf report can only be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Back to the Mikey Show. Come on. With Mikey Mikey. I'm not good at pretending to be Guy-ish. Woods. But I'm super gullible. Lauren. I have a crazy suggestion. Maybe you like somebody for their insight. Jay. I'm going to open my beer right as we start. I hope I like the warm up on FM 94.9. I didn't think there was going to be anything funnier than Jay in a bikini. Until I heard Jay singing without being able to hear him song. It's the best. iPod sing-along. One for the ages. So, got an email here from M1 Chompers. Says, hey Mikey, maybe you guys can help me with something that's driving me crazy. Whenever we have a get-together at my house, I have everyone at the table. I put up extra leafs. What is that? It's those things that go in the middle of the table. Extenders. I put up extra leafs, rent chairs, get...
Kids tables. Whatever I need to do. But my brother and his wife insist on letting their kids do whatever they want. They'll run around with food, sit on the couch. Oh, no. Whatever they want. While we're having dinner. Well, I like to keep things nice. So I want to say something to my brother. Am I in the wrong? M1 Chompers. No, you're not in the wrong. Easy J.R. Ewing. What do you guys have, dress for dinner and tuxedos or what? Come on. No, but should the kids just be running around sitting on the couch? It's his niece. Nephew. Manners, no? And you really want your stuff ruined? I wasn't allowed to get up from the table until I was finished eating. You're going to ruin it? Yeah. Yeah, if they put, you know, like, I don't know, pizza sauce on it. They should eat their dinner, but, you know, I don't know. This guy sounds a little clownish.
Because he doesn't want... It's his niece, nephew. He doesn't want pizza sauce. It could be his own kids. Before we get too carried away, M1 Richard from Poway, what was the word of the day? You are correct. You won tickets to see Rise Against. Hang on the line, okay? You got it. LLB told me yesterday something. What? She said, you don't own your stuff. Your stuff owns you. What does that mean? Feast on that. It means it's just material stuff. It's like you got to lighten up a little bit when there's kids involved. Right, Jay? Nope. Oh, boy. I knew he'd have my back, but. No, your kids need to sit and they need to, you know. be appropriate. Yeah, they do. They need to sit and eat their dinner. I feel like more than ruining the stuff, it's just teaching basic. Like, you don't get to just, there are certain rules and manners that you gotta have. I mean, it's his house. He can tell, it's a hard thing to say to your brother, hey man, you wanna control your kids though? Like, that's hard to tell somebody how to parent. Well, I would just tell the kids myself. Yeah, exactly. You're their uncle and you should. I'm fine with that. Some parents just don't let it go. I mean, they just let them run wild. Yeah. It doesn't matter what you say. That's true. M1 Wendy from San Diego.
Are you there? Hi. Hi, you're on the air. Go ahead. It's ridiculous. You can't expect six-year-old kids to just sit still for hours and hours while adults talk. But don't they go to school? Yeah, they're not in the British royal family. I mean, come on. But don't they go to school? Don't they have rules there? Oh, yeah, sure. But, I mean, they can only take so much. I mean, when you're sitting at a table with adults talking, how long do you expect them to sit there? Well, I think you bring up a... A good point, but I'll give you an example. Whenever we go somewhere, my wife Rebecca will take stuff for the kids to keep them occupied. Totally. So if you don't take stuff for the kids to keep them occupied, then they're going to do what kids do. They're going to get bored. I completely agree. What may bother one guy, what may bother you, Mike, about...
If your kids are screaming, it may not bother me at all. You know what I mean? So it's hard to kind of know. Okay. It's kind of hard to know. All right, Woodsy, well, then let's just take the examples I got here. Okay. Running around with food, sitting on the couch. Gosh, what are couches for? Sitting. Oh, no. Yeah, they're for sitting. Oh, my gosh. How many? I've been in more households than not where you don't eat on the couches. No. In my house, you can because I live alone. The adults can, but the kids cannot because the kids have proven time after time that they will get food. They'll wipe their hand off on the couch. He's right. I know he is. So Jasper has his own pillow. He sits on the ground. What's a pillow? Go ahead. And he kneels on it and eats over the little coffee table that's out there. He can't sit on the couch. I make him do it for four hours. I make him kneel and eat. He doesn't mind it. Yeah, he calls it Guantanamo, but it's no big deal. What do you think, Wendy? Is that bad? Well, that's pretty regimented. I mean, you know, your house, your rules, as far as I'm concerned. But at the same time, you can't expect something out of someone else's kid. You know, you can do the best. And I would, you know, if I were her, I'd talk to the brother immediately. I would. Thanks for the call. I would. My house, my rules. Yeah, I think that, too. And when I was a kid, when we went to my grandparents' house,
We did go to the basement. The kids went to the basement to eat. We would literally like come up and they'd be like, what are you doing up here? Yeah. Oh, well, I don't have a problem. It's like adult time. That's fine. I don't have a problem with it. The adults are talking and plus, you know, the basement was like, who cares if you spill, you know, pizza sauce? And you know what happens? You eventually, like, you graduate out of the basement. Out of the basement. Yeah. Eventually. It's like you always say, you're entitled to feel. Any way you want to feel. Just don't wipe it on my face. Just don't wipe it on my face. If you feel that your nieces and nephews sitting on your couch eating is a bad thing, then you've got to say something about it. Yeah. I mean, and your brother, though, has the right to look at you and go, maybe you lighten up a little bit. I mean, he's entitled to feel that way, too. It doesn't mean he's wrong. He can say lighten up a little bit, and I can say, well, okay. Pack your bags. I still don't want. I still don't want the kids putting their, you know. You got to set the ground rules from the get-go when they walk in the door. How would you feel, Mike, if you went to go visit one of your brothers, brought the kids with you, and he said, you know, do you think you can just keep an eye on the kids? Because last time they wiped, I had a stain on the couch. If one of my brothers said that to me, I would instantly feel terrible. Yeah. That my kid did that and that I'm just finding out about it. Right. So, you know, now.
There's two different types. You got the person that feels bad about it, and then you got the person that's like, lighten up. But I want to hear from anybody that has that opinion, because I'm not seeing that on the line right now. What I'm saying now, people are calling and saying, like, this is M1 Lisa from Vista. What do you think? that it's their house, their rules, and that they just lay down the boundaries right away and say, hey, I just want your kids to sit down at the table to eat, and then they can go play afterwards. That should be cool. Well, that's the problem. He hasn't laid out the boundaries, and therein lies the problem. There's no boundaries that have been laid. Like feeling like, ooh, it's my brother. Hey, guys, I'm sorry. I'm at Starbucks ordering something. Can we hear you do it? Yeah, hold on. Okay. Get me a banana walnut muffin. Oh, I want one of those. Lisa, Woods wanted a banana walnut muffin, and I wouldn't mind one of those, too. How about the coffee cake? Yeah, Cafe Americano. There you go. Leave room for cream. And a venti half-calf with two Splendos. I'll take a hot water with lemon. Some dieting. Thanks for the call, Lisa.
No problem, thanks. We'll see you. It's true, man. Your house, your rules. You can do whatever you want. You want to waterboard the kids, you can. You can do whatever you want, too. It's your house, you know? M1 Cave Dweller from Wisconsin. Waterboard your kids? Works. It works. What do you think, Cave Dweller? Does anybody else kind of get the feeling that Chompers maybe doesn't have kids of their own? No. I got kids, and I think it's ridiculous. I kind of get the feeling that she went to all this trouble for the adults, but she wasn't really taking the kids into consideration. And if you've got kids, you know that they're basically destruction covered in hair. But what's the purpose of the kids' table? Hasn't that been around as long as... Yeah, and I understand that. And, you know, back in the day when the kids got up... They got thrashed, you know, but we don't do that anymore. No way. Wait a minute. So, wait, Cave Dweller, are you telling me that you think that the kids should be allowed to be kids and just run around with the food? I kind of think that maybe Chompers has to strike a middle ground. I think she's totally within her rights to tell her brother, hey, listen, can you give me 15, 20 minutes where we can all sit down as a family? Can you please keep them from putting mashed potatoes and cream corn into the couch cushions?
I get that. But the whole idea of everybody must sit down for 45 minutes and no one is allowed to move until all the place settings have been cleared. I don't think it's. I don't either. I have a niece that comes over. She's almost two years old and I don't have nice things. So I don't think twice. She walks around with stuff and I wouldn't think to say anything. I think if I had nice things, whether I had kids or not, you should have a right to be like, I don't want mashed potatoes. Remember, you don't know those things, Ella B. Those things own you. Well, yes, but if you spent the money on nice things, I don't spend money on nice things. Fair enough. Me neither. Ella B wrote a recap today that may be the recap of all recaps, Woods. Recap of the decade. You know, sometimes you just throw it all out there. You're honest. I love this. This honesty is the kind of honesty that I love. Ella B says, is it weird on my bucket list that I want to do some sort of dance like the Pussycat Dolls do? Oh, yeah. I always wanted to be a singer and a dancer when I was younger, and I don't think I ever shook it. She's crying. She's crying right now. Why is she crying? Because I never got to do those things. She never got to shake it. Now, she says, plus, I think choreographed dances look cool. I do, too. I do not.
Oh, I do. I want to be a part of a choreographed dance. We can probably hook that up a little bit. Woods, you don't think that when Laker girls do their thing. Yeah, Laker girls and Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders look pretty good. Yeah, and the Pussycat Dolls. Yeah, you're right. They look pretty good. Girls dancing, that doesn't look cool. In my head, I thought of like the Grammys. I'm like, ugh, get it. No. No, dude. Cheerleaders, yeah. Oh, totally. Do it for the Mikey-thon this year. 100%. We'll get a few M1s out there. I'd have to be trained. I can't just get up and do it. We'll train you. If there's any Charger girls listening, call us. 570-1949. They'll teach you. They'll teach you. Any dancers. I'll have an appearance. She says, plus, I think choreographed dances look cool. My window of being age-appropriate has either run out, Or will soon run out. So that hopefully I'm not the creepy mom that lives vicariously through her daughter. Oh, no. That's what I'm afraid of. Dance mom. I'm afraid if I don't get this out of my system, that's what I'm going to be. Dance mom. You'll be a dance mom. If there's anybody listening that, you know, yeah, there's Charger girls that listen. Yeah. 570-1949. Call us. And you can email me personally. We could sell tickets to that.
Yeah, oh, 100%. Oh, man. L.O.B., what would you wear? Wear whatever they wear. You would wear whatever they wear. It's a costume. There's different rules for costumes. Well, I mean, listen, the bottom line is they wear cheerleading outfits. That's the bottom line. I've seen it. You've got it. Choreographed dancers. I don't know what they wear. What do they wear, Woods? The look I like is kind of the long black leggings and then the short half shirt. I was thinking like... I was picturing like a corset and like fishnets. That's what I'm picturing. I'm thinking like a Vegas showgirl with like a thong. It's not a thong. Yeah, it's not a thong-ish. Like I saw an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians and Kim Kardashian looked awesome. She did the dance. Did she do it for her husband? She practiced in the bathtub. No, the Pussycat Dolls wanted her to be a guest. I was like, I want to be a guest with the Pussycat Dolls. Dude, when girls do... like choreographed dancing, it looks cool. It looks awesome. It looks awesome. She was practicing in the bathtub so that she would only have her legs stay like a certain amount apart. Would you want to see Lauren O'Brien? That's not me playing. Yes, yeah. I feel like, though, in theory, it works, and then I'd actually be really, really bad, and then it would be embarrassing. It would be good. You won't be bad. We'll hook that up. You won't be bad at it.
By the way, she just took a big drink of coffee from a mug that says, how the F did I get to be 30? That is a true statement. That is a true story. I'm not making that up. That's true. That is what her mug actually says. Brilliant. You're 31 now. You can't script it. You can't script it. You can't script it any better. You cannot script it any better. She actually did that. Let's see. M1 Colleen from El Cajon. Are you there? Yeah. Go ahead, Colleen. I just wanted to tell L.O.B. that I have been doing jazzercise for almost the last two years, and we have a choreographed dance to Pussycat Ball song. And if she wanted to come down, I could get her a free pass, and it's great. It's an hour of all choreographed songs. Is it an audience? What? Is there an audience, or is it just like a group class? No, it's a class.
But we all just dance and have a great time. She wants an audience. I want to be on stage. She wants to be on stage. Oh, I can get you on stage. Well, she's talking about training you, though. Oh, yeah. Yeah, training you for the choreograph. Because somebody's got to train you. Hey, thanks for the call. This is M1 Mama Nikki, who we know does Zumba. Oh, she's a great dancer. Right, Mama Nikki? Hi. I do Zumba. And it's all choreographed dances. Yeah, I would love to do the same thing as the last caller. Teach you guys a choreographie. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Very clear. Tap the brakes. Tap the brakes. Slow down. When on Mikey Thon, I was under the assumption that all you guys were going to be on stage with me. No, no, no, no. I was just led. No, we are crazy. Do not want to see my man boobs jiggling. Yeah. Doing Zumba. And listen. I will say this in fairness to Woods. Woods is an A cup. I'm a double D. So, you know, I would be worse to see doing that. It would be awful to see us up there. I'm sure that it would be a lot of fun. Yeah, yeah, a lot of fun for people to make fun of us. Hey, thanks, Mama Nikki. Thanks, guys. Well, maybe we'll train. Get trained.
Would you really want to do it to a Pussycat Dolls song? No, I want to be like the actual Pussycat Dolls. What do you mean? So you want other girls with you? Yeah. I want a group of girls. I want to be a part of a group. You want to be a part of a group of girls doing a choreographed dance. It looks so cool. When everyone's in sync like that. Yeah. It would be so cool. I'll watch you. Man, I'll watch you. We've got to get other girls that are willing to dance with you. We've got two right there. Mama Nikki. And... What about Nicole? Oh. Nicole is shaking out. Nicole's out. No way. Nicole could be like the lead girl from the Pussycats. The other girl, Nicole. I wonder if some M1s would want to join in. Yeah. If there are any M1s that want to join... I wonder what Bookworm's doing. Maybe Lush? Andy? Just name all the girls that you... Hey, I'm just throwing names. Going through your Rolodex there? Actually, I'm looking on your Facebook page. His wife doesn't listen on Friday. Why are you the way that you are? There's an hour between 7 and 8 that he's got. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be. Why do you lie, liar? Hey, everybody, we're all going to get late. You're telling me a big fat lie. Are you listening? No. No. No.
Better that way. No. No. He is a clown. He is. M1ZZ from San Diego. Are you there? Yes, I am. How are you? I'm doing good. How are you guys doing? Doing good. What were you calling to say? Have you ever thought about doing burlesque dancing? Have I? Yes, every day. Is there really such a thing? Oh, yeah. There's a local group here, Hell on Heels. Yep. Hell on Heels. See them. Really? Oh, yes. It's a wonderful dance troupe of girls, well, ladies. They're a little bit more mature. Yes. Most of them are in the early to late 90s. No, these are hot ladies. Yes, of course they are. In fact, they love to harken back to the days of... Prohibition. Prohibition and old burlesque. That's right. Oh, God, my head.
This whiskey may not be legal to drink, but it sure is a wonderful spirit. No, the pussycat sounds are burlesque. Come on, boys. It's time for a little burlesque. Come on. Are you serious with that? I would move out of my house if my wife did. I'd move out of my house. I'd move out of my house. I would be mortified. I would move out of my house. If I came home and Rebecca and my wife said, Honey, what do you think if I do burlesque training? It's different now. Is? It is. It is. I'd say I'm moving to Tallahassee. See you later. The girls who do it are hot. Are they? Yes, they're all beautiful. I've been to about four or five of those shows. They're all awesome. Double Z, do you do it? Have you ever danced burlesque? Not publicly. Not technically? Not publicly. Not publicly. So you dance?
Dance burlesque for a private show for your special someone. I'm going to ask them if they'll let me be a special guest. We hired them to come out to a special event we were doing one time, and they killed it. Really? Yeah. Did they dance fast or slow? They did. There was both. It was like a 20-minute segment they did, and they did all different times. Hey, Double Z, would you want to be a part of the troupe? Yeah. Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Now, don't anybody get offended, but you've got to have the body for it. Oh, well. That's the deal. Hey, listen, that's what this is. Wait, wait, wait, wait. No, I take that back. All the burlesque dancers, a majority of burlesque dancers are not pussycat dolls. They don't have your 38 double D. Well, I don't have them. Listen, I understand. But what Lauren's, Lauren's thing here is she wants to live out this, this kind of thing that she's had and her window is running out. Yeah. She wants to be with a group of girls. And she wants to do like a Pussycat Dolls kind of thing. She wants to be with the thin girls then. Well, yes. Yeah. I mean, it's got to be the Pussycat Dolls look. You know what I mean? It should be sassy. It's got to be sassy and sexy. What about the Lane Bryant girls? Maybe you can get a show with those gals. Now listen. It's the Klondike Bar Team. One way or the other. We'll get out there and yeah.
Get it. Do it. Yes. I want to dance, and here I am, boys. Wow. Well, a girl can dream. Yeah. No, we got a lot of calls. Emma and Leah from San Diego, you there? I'm there. Yes, I am. You want to be a part of it? Absolutely. Are you a Pussycat Dolls type of girl? Mostly. I'm working on that part. I actually am in training now. Listen here, girls. If you're going to call in and you want to be a part of L.O.B.'s Pussycat Dogs, you must understand there is a way to require men to be in my troop. Under 120. Yeah. Well, that's only if you're 6'4". I'm just kidding. 6'6". Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! They're calling in, LLB. I'm telling you, they're calling in. When we come back, we're going to talk to the girls that are calling in right now. Phone lines are blowing up. We'll be right back.
Dug my way out. Blood and fire. Bad decisions. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Text them at 949mikey at gmail.com. Or call Mikey now. 570-1949. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. See how much GEICO's military discounts on car insurance could save you. Go to geico.com. Call 1-800-MILITARY or contact your local GEICO agent today. Hey, is that us? Hi. Hey, it's your old pal Woodsy and your old pal L.O.B. L.O.B., when you're on stage doing your pussycat doll dance, you know what you don't have to worry about? Glasses. Yes, that's right. That's a huge, or a contact lens flipping out. Exactly. Or the fog from the fog machine maybe getting in my eyes, ruining my contact. Or the sweat running down your face as you dance so hard. Uh-huh.
To the Pussycat Dolls. Listen, LOB and I both went to Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center, and we both got LASIK surgery on our eyes. We both have 2015 vision, which is... Better than perfect. If you want to get perfect vision, how do you do it, Ella B? You need to get in with Dr. Sandy T. Feldman at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. The quickest way to do that is to make your phone call. 858-452-3937. Get in there. Get a free consultation. They're going to tell you if it's right for you. Absolutely. And if you want to do a little investigation, go to their website. Check them out. It is... The office is immaculate. Their website's amazing. It's going to give you a little tour, everything you need. Check out all her accolades, by the way. Dr. Sandy T. Feldman. She's not messing around. She's done it all. She's an absolute pro, and you don't trust your eyes to just anyone. So get in there. It's Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Check them out online at www.clearvieweyes.com.
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This report is brought to you by Children's Advil. Nothing brings your child's fever down faster or keeps it down longer. Choose Children's Advil Relief. You can trust. Well, the freeways are getting a little busy. The 52 here on the 52 westbound from the 125 south of Mission Gorge Road. It's about 27 miles an hour. An accident here on the 15 southbound right before Carroll Canyon. They've got tow trucks on the way. And another problem here on, well, let's go over here on the 163 southbound of the 8 west connector. We've got a stalled vehicle. Lots of delays as you travel on the 5 northbound from 9th Street Plaza Boulevard to the 54 east. It's 23 miles. an hour. This report, it's also brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers. Toyota owners, with the new year upon us, now is a great time to bring your vehicle to your neighborhood Toyota dealer. From batteries to tires, Toyota's got you covered. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9.
And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't like it when it's cheap. I was a bit of a pyro when I was a kid. Woods. I haven't moisturized in days. Dying. And Jay. I'm an awesome beer drinker on the course. On FM 94.9. Lauren O'Brien wants to live out a dream of being a part of a Pussycat Dolls-like dance, you know, choreographed deal. All we need to do is... supply you with girls that can do it with you. There are dozens of girls posting on my wall on Facebook, on the Mikey Show's Facebook page. They're in. We should get girls of all shapes and sizes. Yeah. I'll tell you what does look better. Oh, really? Yeah, we should. Really would. Because I think that is the nice thing to do. Because I think just anyone can dance. Because off the air. That's not insane. You said...
If any tubbies call in. I never said that on my mother. He said chubbies. Yeah, I said chubbies, not tubbies. 570-1949. My goodness. Please. Lighten. Everybody's got to lighten up. Chill out, man. I think there should be auditions. Yeah. And whoever it is that ends up training us. I'll judge. I like it. Just shoot me the pictures of who you are. I'll judge. You'll judge. You guys don't judge. We'll get M1 Peanut to come out and judge. It's about whether you got the move. M1 Kelly from Encinitas. Sign me up. Wow. Yeah. You guys should kill Bob. Woods. Woods. Woods. Woods. What did you. What happened there? That was. Wow. You know what the best part about this is? I'm sorry. I got worked up. I got worked up. I'm sorry. I thought I was a weirdo. Turns out. All the girls want to do it. I'm not the only one. Oh, there's a bunch of girls. I always dreamed of doing this. I thought I was like some weird sex pervert. I mean, I am. You are a weird sex pervert. In fact, you are a weird sex pervert. This makes me feel so much better. Kelly. Yes. You want to do this? Totally. I'm on. Okay. Are you a Pussycat Dolls type? Yes. Okay, cool. Woo! Kelly! Hang on the line. Hang on the line. Now listen, because we've got to get air info. Yeah.
Now, here's the thing. I don't know what... I'm not giving sizes. Yeah, you guys don't know anything about sizes. I didn't say a size, though. Yeah, but Jay said 120 pounds, and he didn't know what he was talking about. Say what I like. Oh, God. Listen, all you gotta be is like the Pussycat Dolls. There should be... Whoever we train with should say, in, out, in, out. Listen. Based on your moves. If one of us said, Well, if Jay. If Jay said, it's been my dream to live out a thing as a Chippendales, I'm not going to say, oh, yeah, I can support you on that one. Right. I'm no Chippendale. Okay? I'm... I'm not either, dude. I would... Me with a bow tie on and just a bow tie is repugnant. Repugnant. That's all I'm saying. Oh, man. Yeah. It's like you ate the Chippendales. Yeah. It's hideous.
Mike, did you hear me? Like you ate them all. You know what I'm trying to say. And if you don't, you're fat. M1 Janessa from San Diego. Hi, I totally want to be with one of all these dancers. How old are you? This is the greatest thing ever. Is this not the greatest day since we've been on the air? Right now, Woods has a look on his face like a seven-year-old that just walked in to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. And they said, anything you want, kid. Chances that my wife, Jamie, will be accompanying me to said auditions. You guys aren't going to be at the auditions. Yeah, we are. Chances that my wife, Rebecca, will insist that she... be there and have some sort of input. She should be a dancer. All three of your wives should be dancing. My wife could do it. My wife would kill you for even suggesting it because she is the most modest, scared, shy, blah, blah, blah. My wife Jamie was captain of the cheerleaders. She could still pull that bit off. Janessa, you want to do that?
I totally, yeah. I've been dancing since I was three. Oh, no. No, sir. I'll look through. She's going to help you. Okay, okay. She's going to help you. It's going to be really fun. You guys should do a music video. Hang on the line, okay? I'm a little worried that I'm too free for them and I'm not going to be able to do the choreography. Well, they'll teach you. They'll teach you. Yeah, they're going to teach you what to do. I'll practice. M1 Shell Bell from Rancho Bernardo. You guys have dancers, but you don't have a choreographer. I've been teaching dance for, like, 12 years. Hip-hop's, like, mostly in my specialty. How about that? There you go. Winner, winner. How about that? More like the sexy type of hip-hop, like, all of you is looking for. Yeah, yeah. There you go. All right. I can feel my sex pervertedness coming out of my pores right now. Yeah, he's all over the place. Oh, my gosh. You're like Jake at Disneyland. You're it. We needed you. Hang on the line, okay? We need a venue. My backyard. Jail build a stage. We need a wardrobe designer. I think House of Blues would probably be available. Live broadcast. House of Blues. We packed the place. And we have...
House of Blues will do it, too. Oh, House of Blues will do it. Hey, be careful what you wish for, L.O.B. You're going to be in freaking fishnets and high heels. Hell yes. L.O.B., you could be living out your dream, but not just living out your dream, living out your dream on the same stage that Chris Cornell's performed on. Absolutely. Living out my dream. What if somebody discovers me and then I'm like, sorry, guys. Sorry, guys. I got to go. I'm a traveling pussycat. I'm going to New York. Yeah. I want to just throw out there that I would also love to take batting practice with a Major League Baseball team. In case anybody can hook that up. If today's Make-A-Wish Foundation, I'm in. All right? Hey, if there's any makers of enchilada sauce on it, I just want to say. I'd love to give you my input. I got some ideas. I want to sample some things, you know? Oh, man. M1 Sweets from San Diego. Are you there? I'm here. Sweets, you want to be a part of it, too. Totally. I love L.O.B. Oh, my gosh. I love you. So does Woods because when you said what you said, when you said what you said, Woods, he got this look that I've seen for now 12 years. And that look says, oh, look at you. Oh, look at you. I have one thing to say, though, Mikey.
Whenever you do that voice, I expect you to all of a sudden say, Claire Reeves. Claire. You will wear Nivea Skin Cream, but not today. It creeps me out. I know. It's awesome. Are you talking about that voice or are you talking about James Gunn? Yeah, that voice. Okay, gotcha. Well, listen, sweets. And I want to apologize to my wife that I just called you Sweets. That's your name. That's your name. I was like, wow. That's the name. Yeah, M1 Sweets. M1 Sweets wants to be a part of this. And listen, go to Facebook.com slash Mikey Show if you want to be a part of it. I know House of Blues will be no problem. Oh, yeah. House of Blues will be no problem. We could do a live broadcast there. We'll do the whole show? Yeah. Hopefully Farley's listening, our boy over there. Yeah, dude. Well, that place is badass, and what a perfect, perfect venue. And they sell alcohol. We'll pack it. What's alcohol? I'll pour you a drink. But the people that want to drink, they've got to stay behind a line, so it'll keep the drunk creeps away from us. But I work for the show, so I can actually come right up to the deal. You've got to put your drink down, so you can't throw it on us. Hey, Jay, and then maybe we talk about the whole alcohol thing.
off the air, you know, so that we don't commit to having... Alcohol. Bloody Marys. Special. To having a bunch of... Alcohol. Alcohol. Well, people know. People can drink. It's an 18 and up venue, so it's pretty much all ages. It's all ages. All ages. This is going to happen. I think I should be backstage with them. I really do. Support as the executive producer. I'll have to have a hands-on role. What does that look like? What does that even mean? Just keep calming them down. Listen, hey, I'm also a stage performer. I perform on stage. I'm a singer. I'm a cover artist. And I know what it's like to get stage fright. I can help. I'm just here to help. As a team, we'll support them. That is so kind of you. Thank you, man. It's a selfless act. Selfless act. Selfless act. All right. So listen to this. Make a wish. What you are about to hear. We played this earlier, but I'm going to play it for you again. What you are about to hear is real. It is a one-hour segment of ESPN. SportsCenter. This was taken from SportsCenter during a one-hour period. Woods, how many references to Tim Tebow?
Yeah, if you take out, Mike, if you take out the commercials, that's 48 minutes, right? 48 minutes of Broadcasting Sports Center. In that 48 minutes, there are 160 Tim Tebow references, which equates to... One Tebow every 18 seconds. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebowing. Tebow. Tebowing. Tebow. Tebowing. Tebowing Tebowing Tebowing Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Mania Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow
It's awesome. It's insane. If you tuned in in the middle of that, you may have wondered, what are they doing? And if you didn't tune in in the middle of that, what you just heard was one hour of SportsCenter and all the Tebow references.
edited together to total what woods 160 that is insane 160 references to tim tebow with that much hype around somebody it was it's going to be really hard for him to perform yeah tim teabags 15 minutes may be up my friend tim teabags I'm sorry, Tebow. I feel bad for him in a way. Yeah, for sure. It's way too much hype. Way too much hype. And then you pretty much, you can't sustain that. Right. You can't come back next season and be the same guy. Well, you know, I think that who he is is a winner. Yeah. Guy wins. We'll see you on Sunday or Saturday, won't we? Oh, boy. All right, let's do it. Woods, I'm going to give you the games. You tell me who's going to win. You got it. And then you do the same with me. Okay. Saints at Niners. Saints. Broncos at Patriots. Patriots. Texans at Ravens. Ravens. Giants at Packers. Packers. Now you go. Saints at Niners. Niners. Broncos at Patriots. Broncos. Texans at Ravens. Ravens. Giants at Packers. Packers. Who do you think is going to be in the Super Bowl? Patriots. Packers. Did I say that earlier? I think I did, yeah. Patriots, Packers. What would make... I think that a great Super Bowl would be 49ers-Patriots or 49ers-Broncos. Listen, if...
If by some crazy chance, I mean, if all the stars align and the Broncos go to the Super Bowl, there will be a whole new level of Tebow talk. I can't imagine. Dude. I can't imagine. Because there's only about a million storylines. Right. Imagine the media day. Yeah. At the Super Bowl. They would probably erect a statue in Denver. Can't say erect. She didn't mean it, you know, the way that you, you know, probably. Pervert. In a pervert kind of way. By the way, just looked up at the television ESPN right now. Weird. Weird. 14 yards, three TDs, and how about Tim Tebow? Picked off, and then that's not good for Tebow here. They play it. That's the virtual world. What about the real world?
What they were doing was showing Madden. And playing out a Patriots-Broncos game on Madden came out Patriots 45, Broncos 20. Yeah, I've got great respect for their whole offense. Head coach, John Fox. He's kind of the engineer of it. They protect well. They run block well. They've got a good stable of backs. You know, their wide outs are talented. Guys have been in big spots. And, you know, they're tight ends. So they create a lot of tough matchups. You've got to remember, man, Patriot defense, they're not like a whole bunch of superstars. No, they're not good. They're not that great. Once that ball is kicked off, it's a game. And it's the same game we've been playing all season. There's definitely a heightened sense of intensity because you've got one game. And there's no next week. It's really a one-game season. Brady's a great quarterback, man. He understands the game. Elvis Dumerville. So we've got to do a good job of not getting him a clue. We get a chance to play. Tim Tebow. Brady and Bill Belichick in Foxborough. Still got that hurt. He's got that hurt on his lips still. Try some Abriva. And, you know, maybe you guys don't know that it's, you know.
Herpes on his lip. That's exactly what it is. It's a cold sore. And Jay knows the actual simplex. Well, yeah, he's studied the various simplexes of herpes. Yeah, he's studied, you know. That's how you avoid it. What's the worst simplex you've ever had? I've never had a simplex. Well, which simplex do you have? I'm simplexless. Okay. Your new nickname is simplex. Easy poo finger. Yeah, those come about from stress. That's right. That is correct. I'm stressed, that's for sure. I'm going to make love to my wife 18 hours a day. We'll try it. I just got a text message from our buddy Jeff over at House of Blues. He said, what date do you guys want? Oh, Mamacita! That's what I like to hear. I like it. Hey, check this out. For the first time in many, many years, the murder rates in the United States of America are way down. In fact, They are so far down that it is not even breaking into the top 15 causes of death anymore. Which is great. It's really good. Yeah, it's really great. Now, what are the major causes of death? Influenza and pneumonia comes in at number nine. Wow. Kidney disease comes in at number eight. Diabetes comes in at number seven. Alzheimer's disease comes in at number six. That kills you? Alzheimer's? Yeah. Yeah.
Eventually. Oh, for sure. Degenerative disease. Yep. Accidents and unintentional injuries come in at number five. Wow. Cerebrovascular disease, mainly strokes, that comes in at number four. Petrifying. Chronic lower respiratory diseases like emphysema, number three. Woods. Woods. Stop smoking. Stop smoking. Third biggest killer. I might have. You don't know. The second biggest killer. In the United States. Cancer. Lip. What? Stop dipping. Oh, my God. Stop dipping. And the number one cause of death in the United States is heart disease. What? Mikey, stop eating. Oh, my God. That's so mean. Now, back in the day, I mean. I might have. What? Stop eating. I told him to stop smoking. And I said I might have. Maybe he has. He refuses to admit what his resolutions were. I don't, because you know what? If I decide I want to have a cigarette, I don't want to be called to the carpet for it. You can't just have a cigarette. You can. You can have anything in moderation. It's fine. Anything. Heroin. No, you can't have that in moderation, Woods. You can't. You see, some things are dangerous and they're addictive. Cigarettes are addictive, for sure. But if you have one, if you train yourself to have one on the weekends, you can do it. Oh, yeah. It can be done. Well.
Great. But what I'm telling you is, is that if you have that one on the weekend, 100% of the time it will lead to, yeah, you'll be smoking again. Well, that's funny because I had one during the weekend last weekend and haven't had one since. Well, if you stop, if you're done, that's a whole different story. That means you're done. Like you don't have another one ever again. It means you've quit. Who wants to do that? Me. I did that deal with dipping, and I would go back. I had a buddy that dipped, and every time he came around, I would have a dip with him. Eventually, that dip did not taste good anymore. Well, that's good for you. I mean, that's how you do it. I have my own method to my madness. Seems to be working. And I don't want to be a half a pack a day smoker anymore. I just don't. I'm tired of it. I have no lungs anymore. I have no wind, and I'm working on my wind. Save money? Tons of dough. Is that expensive? I haven't bought a pack since New Year's Eve. Good. Really? Yeah. But now my cat's out of the bag. Somebody will see me having a cigarette and then tattle because people like to tattle. Listen. Does everybody mind their own business? Your business is your business. Thank you. Your business is your business. Now I'm sweating. I always have to look my sexiest. That's why I'm wearing these tight size 42 pens. Be a part of the show.
570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm sorry, our time is up. FM 94.9. This is the FM. Supported by our good friends at Sports Chalet. What's up there, sweet cheeks? It's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out. Now, tonight at the Casbah, Everest are playing. Sunday night, you can see Transfer with Silent Comedy, and Monday night, Silent Comedy with Transfer, both of those at the Casbah. And on the 27th, it is the Howl's CD release party, also at the Casbah. Now, to Surford 4th and Beyond the 28th, Dr. Dog hits the belly up on the 7th of February, and Young the Giant plays Soma February 10th. Now, the Red Hot Chili Peppers show that was supposed to be on February 29th has been postponed to September 23rd. And there's also upcoming shows from Lagwagon, Ani DeFranco, Colts, Flogging Molly, The Ting Tings, and Elvis Costello. Not to mention Coachella, which will be two weekends this year with headliners The Black Keys, Radiohead, Dr. Dre, and Snoop Dogg, and all the other bands that are playing. Check our website for full details. There you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com.
Hey, I want to let you know that AT&T is doing something really, really cool for you. It's a wireless receiver. That is correct. A wireless receiver. AT&T U-verse has this thing, and when I first saw it, I was like, that's really what it does? Because you don't have to be tethered anymore to a cable outlet. Now you can just plug in your TV. Wherever you can plug in is where you can get your television. That means you can move it to the kitchen for when you're cooking. How about moving it outside for a barbecue? How about moving it into the same room and watch sports with your friends? You know, one game over here, one game over here. It's pretty awesome. You can call them 877-ONLY-ATT. Go into one of the AT&T stores or click on att.com slash free your TV. Additional charge for wireless receiver. Price for UFamily TV. New customers after six months. Standard rate applies. Taxes and other charges apply. $36 TV activation fee. For details, go to att.com slash tvdetails.
San Diego's number one volume Subaru dealer just got even better. Kearney Mesa Subaru has opened a brand new showroom in the heart of San Diego. We're celebrating by inviting you to our grand opening event. In honor of our new showroom, the factory has sent us a special shipment of top-selling Subarus. This means we're making deals so you can stay big. Leaves a new 2012 Subaru Impreza 2.0i CVT for just $149 per month, plus tax. It's an automatic with a jack for your iPod and auto-dim mirror with Homelink. All for just $149 per month. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. Your sales report offers expire month end. Prepare for an adventurous career by earning a professional certificate in marine technology from National University Polytechnic Institute. Available specializations include advanced dive medicine and underwater inspection technology.
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And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I know a lot of girly stuff. Woods. I've bathed myself in ranch. Lauren. I'm all about the discounts and reviews. And Jay. Whenever I go to a party, I'll bring beer, but I bring beer for myself. On FM 94.9. So, apparently in Beijing, the Apple store got pelted with eggs. Store didn't open at 7 o'clock in the morning. To start selling the new iPhone 4S because the manager couldn't get the place open on time. He deserved to die. No, that's harsh. Way harsh. But anyway. Here was the thing. You had all these people standing out in front of the place. And when I say all these people, I mean throngs of people.
500 of them started to throw eggs. A great place to have an egg booth. An egg booth? Yeah, selling eggs. I mean, where are these people getting these eggs? They just bring them thinking that things are going to go wrong? Yeah, how did they have all the eggs? Get your eggs here. Eggs. How did they? Explains why Jay was out of town. Got to make money. Set in an egg booth in Beijing. Jay makes a brilliant point. It's brilliant. It's beyond brilliant. What were they all doing there with eggs? I bet across the street was like a market. Yeah, you run across the street. Go buy a ton of eggs. Go get a bunch of eggs because we're mad. It would be a good place for an egg booth. You set an egg booth up in the event that things go bad. So maybe you go to concerts that are controversial. Maybe you go to sporting events. You're like, hey, school plays. Get your eggs here. Any Nickelback concert, you're going to make a mint. You'll make a mint. You sell tomatoes. You sell eggs. Go outside. There's a whole bunch of presidential campaign things. Yes. Why not? It's my new business. There are a bunch of new movies coming out today. Anybody interested in the new Mark Wahlberg movie? Yeah. It looks pretty good. It does look pretty good.
Well, I don't know. What do you want to work out? You want to work out something with me? You know how many passes I gave your brother in his day? Yeah, I hated my brother. This ain't your world anymore, man. You're a tourist. You can't trade on status you don't have. That's one of the worst things I've ever heard. Yeah, I think I'll pass. It sounds like he's doing an impression of the guy from Grumpy Old Men. Yeah. The dad. It sounds like a real bad play. Yeah, I'm done with that. Never mind. I thought I wanted to see it. I'll on demand it. Hey, Woods. Gosh darn, Woods cannot stop talking about this Queen Latifah Dolly Parton movie. It's going to be amazing, man. Woods is so stoked that Joyful Noise is finally out in theaters. Tweet up. I think I know where this is going. We've decided to offer the position to Vi Rose Hill. Thank you, guys. Do you know what this movie is? No, I saw one preview and I went, I just sat there with my mouth agape. Yeah. Who's the audience?
My mom? Yeah. Your mom. All moms. Young girls. No. Yeah, it's a young girl singer. She's trying to make it as a singer. Here's Olivia from the movie Singing Man in the Mirror. You know, the only thing better than karaoke is movies. You know who it's going to attract? The Gleeks. Gleeks. Gleeks, yeah. Understand why people like to watch people sing. famous songs i don't understand that and american idol to me is different american idol is a whole different kind of thing because it's a competition you know so you you have to have some way of being able to hear their voice yeah you know as a cover artist myself i try to always sing it exactly like they do which that's not good like who wants to come see i would yeah i can't i don't want to make it my own you know why because i don't know how
And I would like to hear somebody do an imitation. That's what I do. That's good. I try to. Yeah. I think some people really like that. The straight imitation. I don't want to. Why those tribute bands? Yeah. Big fan of tribute bands. Me too. Because it's like you're getting to see them. Yeah. You know? 570-1949 is our number. Dick Van Dyke is 86 years old and he's marrying a 39-year-old woman. Now, I saw that story and I said, Woodsy. How much do you think this guy's worth? And Woodsy Goes Online finds out Dick Van Dyke is worth $30 million. Celebritynetworth.com. $30 million. That might be an avenue for me to consider. He's a national treasure. Lauren O'Brien. Dating an 89-year-old multimillionaire? Yeah. Why not at this point, you know?
Still, it's a ring, no matter whatever way you look at it. You kill a couple birds, right? Okay, you get, number one, you get your ring and you get your wedding. Number two, financial security for the rest of your life. Unless he wants me to sign a prenup, in which case, forget it. The only bad thing that you have to worry about is loose skin. Yeah, she can work with it. A lot of loose skin. Yeah, you can work around it. Old balls. Okay, well, I guess that's the end of the conversation. Text them at 949mikey at gmail.com or call Mikey now. 570-1949. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. South Bay Volkswagen has the largest Jetta inventory in San Diego County, and they are priced to sell.
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Or contact your local GEICO agent today. San Diego's number one volume Subaru dealer just got even better. Kearney Mesa Subaru has opened a brand new showroom in the heart of San Diego. We're celebrating by inviting you to our grand opening event. In honor of our new showroom, the factory has sent us a special shipment of top-selling Subarus. This means we're making deals so you can stay big. Lease a new 2012 Subaru Impreza 2.0i CVT for just $149 per month plus tax. It's an automatic with a jack for your iPod and auto-dim mirror with Homelink. All for just $149 per month. At Kearney Mesa Subaru, we have a great selection of new and certified pre-owned Subarus. We're also San Diego's number one volume certified pre-owned Subaru dealer. Don't miss the Kearney Mesa Subaru grand opening event going on now. It just makes sense. Just minutes from anywhere in San Diego or visit sandiegosuburudealer.com. A Sunrow dealership. 2012 and present leases. Model CJB for 42 months with 10,000 miles per year with 15 cents per mile thereafter. At $2,555, do at least signing. No security deposit. Unapproved above average credit. One of this payment. Then $0,000. For auto, home, life, and banking, get to a better state. Find an agent or get a quote at statefarm.com. This report, it's brought to you by Subway. Enjoy the deli-style taste of the Subway Big Hot Pastrami Melt. Piled high pastrami, spicy mustard, pickles, and cheese. Get the Subway Big Hot Pastrami Melt today.
Well, we've got a little bit of slowing for you in different areas here. A couple incidents. The 8 has been tied up this morning. The 8 West at Taylor Street. Then another one on the 8 West right past the 163 on the northbound side. Car stalled. It's not moving real well on the 5 southbound at 6th Avenue. And traveling way up here on the 67 southbound right past Poway Road. We've got an accident. Doesn't look like any injuries. There's a big stretch of slowing too on the 8 eastbound from Dunbar Lane to West Willows Road. This report also brought to you by Pro Nutrients. Pro Nutrients, a new line of three select supplements from the makers of Centrum. Help make nutrition possible. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Come on, man, wake up. Good morning. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. For those of you that have never seen me, I'm a short, chunky guy. Woods. I just try not to be the dirty, creepy pig in my head. Lauren. Do you have coconut water? And Jay. I'm wearing cargo shorts right now. On FM 94.9. One. So it turns out Jennifer Aniston was upset over the holiday break, apparently because she thought that she was going to get a wedding ring, and instead her boyfriend gave her a purse. And this, of course, you know,
Her friends were there. I wonder if he said the real presence inside. Oh, wow. That would have been something. Definitely would have caught her off guard. Well, that happened with the yellow bee, you know. You have good company, Lauren. Yeah. Jennifer Aniston. Smoking hottie. Yeah, she can't get a husband either. Yeah. Oh, God. Holy ace. True story. Oh, my God. That's a good arrow from the other room. The guy dips it in poison before he puts it into the blow dart. She actually had a husband. She had Brad Pitt. Yeah. So I guess I am in good company. Her new guy's a sharp cat. Yeah, she does pretty well for herself. Justin Theroux. Isn't she knocked up? I think so. I don't think so. Everything I've read says yes. What are you reading? You're such a queen. Maybe Ellie. Did you just throw out there, isn't she pregnant? He said maybe Ellie. He just said Ellie. He just said Ellie. He just said Ellie. He just said Ellie. It's not called Ellie Magazine? Nope, it's not. First of all, who gets their dirt from Elle Magazine? Second of all. What's Elle Magazine? Ellie. I get Ellie. Sorry. Ellie Magazine, Jay. Ellie. Ellie.
He just said Ellie. It's the one they sell for the girls, says E-L-L-E. Yeah. Oh, no. It was OK magazine that I got it from. Ellie. She says, yes, I'm having a baby. It says here on nationalenquirer.com. Cosmopolitan. The sun? Cosmopolitan, Matt. You don't like Cosmopolitan? What's Teen Vogue? What is Vogue? Teen Vogue. Teen Vogue. Teen Vogue said it. Hey, Wood reads a men magazine called Jiqua. No, it's pronounced GQ. GQ. Oh. It's GQ? GQ. My whole life I thought it was GQ. Speculation is it could be twins. Better than Maximum Magazine. That is just filth. What is Piopoly? Piopoly. Piopoly. Like Greek, like Piopoly. Why?
I can't get through a day without my Peapple magazine. Thanks, Peapple. Why, if I'm looking for the latest with celebrity gossip, I love Peapple magazine. Why, Peapple magazine has been helping me out. in all celebrity gossip for a year. Mike, I'd also like to thank Sports Chalet for the delicious and amazing Sports Chalet. We'll take you to the limit. While I'm talking about it, I should probably give props to TV Gwid where I get all my living for whatever's on. My wife likes to set the diver for modern family. You guys suck. Oh, my gosh. I hate you. I love you, Jay. You're a freaking goldmine. I love you, too. Hell, magazine. Yeah, there you go. There you go. Now you got it. Now I got it. Jay, real quick, before we go. Oyster. Oyster. You got it. You did it, buddy. Knocked it out of the park. Three-point shot. Hey, listen. I rarely do this. I rarely do this, but where I give my testimony without music. And today I'm going to do that.
because sometimes my testimony doesn't need to be a dour, not dour, but it doesn't have to sound sad because no matter what, it's my story. I end the shows on Friday with my story. The reason that I do is because there are many people that are listening that may have experienced the same thing and you're looking for a way to come out the other end. And so I offer it. Because this is what happened with me. Now, if it doesn't work for you, it's okay. For those who have ears, listen. And if it's not you, it's okay. When I was a kid, when I was only five, I was a victim of sexual abuse. I grew up very insecure and always feeling unsafe, never felt safe. And I had a real strong feeling of not being wanted.
And I grew up that way. And when I was in my 20s, I maintained that. I still felt it. And I tried to do all kinds of things to get people to like me. Everything. At one point, I suffered from eating disorders. I have had, I've been addicted to everything. I'm in the middle of my testimony. I'm sorry. It's okay. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's all right. Well, no, no, no. Hey, actually, that's how I was going to end with a happy note. That's why I didn't play the music because I wanted it to end on a happy note. Like my friends. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It's okay. I know. It's all right. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Only Woods. I'm so sorry. I mean. Only Woods. It was all I could do.
Okay, I'm ready. Where were you, Mike? You were five. You were addicted. You were addicted. I'm so sorry. It's okay. Well, that's the cool thing. See, gosh darn it. The reason that I didn't play music today is because I don't very rarely end it really super upbeat. It always is when I don't play music. And the upbeatness. is these guys. I lived through all of that stuff. And if there's anybody listening that's going through any of that stuff, addiction, if you are suffering from depression, if you're going through any of that stuff, go to MikeyShow.com. And at the top of the page, it says help. And you click on that and you can get help for any of those things, addiction, depression, any of that stuff. But what I want you to know is that in 2003,
I asked Jesus Christ to come into my life, and he changed my life. And it doesn't mean that my life is free of problems. There's still stuff. But I have him, and I get through it. And that's my story. I will always remember today as being one of the funniest shows that we've ever done. And in all of the years that I've given my testimony. Oh, no. I was going to ask you. Has anyone ever gone? Never. Yeah, you might not want to. Yeah, there you go, Woods. Just make compounded. What? You almost just. No, I didn't. Blasphemy. I don't say that word. Okay. It's a good thing. I don't say that word. I say every other one, but not that one. I try not. This song is about hope. It's called Tunnel. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. We're going to kick off 94 Minutes of Rock. Coming up next, The Mikey Show's out.