The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 01/13/11
Thursday, January 13, 2011
addiction and sudden fameTucson shooting rhetoricMount Soledad crossparenting and mannersinternet misinformationrelationship boundariesworkplace parodymasculinityimprovised comedyradiocomedyaddiction
Mikey, Woods, Sienna, Lauren O'Brien, and Jay moved between Ted Williams's relapse, the Tucson shooting, and arguments about political blame, unreliable online research, and the Mount Soledad cross. Their biggest comedy bits were Jay and Woods's groin-ball game, Mikey's mock teenage serenade to Waverly, and the Mikey Grylls corporate-meeting parody. Sienna defended confronting a mother who took a train from baby Sage and debated whether Todd should get a Las Vegas weekend, while the group also clashed over keeping photographs of former partners. They closed with a serious argument about masculinity and an improvisational game inventing dramatic and comic movie scenes for a song.
What happened, in order
Golden Voice in Rehab
Mikey and the cast reacted to Ted Williams entering rehab after his sudden fame, arguing that money and housing could not cure the addiction that had helped leave him homeless.
The Groin-Ball Game
Jay explained how video of him and Woods bouncing a heavy ball at each other's groins made his wife question his claim that he had endured a hard day at work.
Save the Soledad Cross
The hosts called a Union-Tribune poll and urged listeners to preserve the Mount Soledad cross because they viewed it as both a beautiful landmark and a war memorial.
The Tucson Motive Debate
Zach Osler said Jared Loughner ignored partisan media and was influenced by Zeitgeist, undercutting claims that talk radio or party politics drove the Tucson shooting.
The Stolen Train
Sienna confronted a mother who took a toy train from baby Sage, sparking an argument over sharing, parental manners, and whether asking first would have resolved everything.
Google Is Not Research
Mikey argued that searching the internet often produces contradictory claims rather than reliable research, using vaccines and confused reports about the Tucson shooter as examples.
Grounded at Seventeen
Mikey impersonated a teenage version of Woods awkwardly visiting 15-year-old Waverly and serenading her with an improvised song called Grounded while the real Woods hid in embarrassment.
What to Do With Ex Photos
Sienna's advice for getting over an ex became a long debate in which Mikey favored discarding old romantic photos while Woods, Jay, and others defended some as personal history.
Urban Meeting Survival
The mock documentary Mikey Grylls treated a hot, tedious all-staff meeting, a stiff catered sandwich, and repeated stories about Detroit, Philadelphia, and Seattle as a survival ordeal.
Todd's Vegas Permission Slip
Sienna described Todd nervously asking to attend Super Bowl weekend in Las Vegas, then weighed his need to see friends against leaving her home with their infant.
What Makes a Man
A joke about Mad Men masculinity turned serious as Mikey defined manhood through devotion to his wife and sons while he and Woods argued that modern culture and political correctness had softened men.
Scenes for a Song
Sienna, Mikey, Lauren, and the others improvised increasingly tragic and absurd movie scenes to fit a song, from an underwater car wreck to a zebra riding a mechanical bull.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsSiennaLauren O'BrienJayTed WilliamsDr. PhilZach OslerJared LoughnerSarah PalinWaverlySageToddJamie
30,989 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
I'm sorry. I love it. I'm sorry. I love it. Instantly puts me in the car. Give me your alarm clock. I know it. I want to just play it in the house all the time. Just as background music in the house all the time. Oh, wow. My house is on quarantine. Really? Yeah, I was the first to bring it into the house, the cold. It's just, it's a cold. It's not a flu, but I was the first to bring it into the house. And so everyone has it. Claudia, one of the people that takes care of the kids, has it. The only person that doesn't have it is Jake. Knock on wood. Knock on wood. I mean, he's either going to get it or he's escaped it. I never even knew you were sick. Yeah, I was sick. You're pretty good. Yeah. What is it? Cold. Just a basic cold.
Yeah. Lingers. Yeah. I think it was the thing L.O.B. had. Is it throat? Do they have sore throat? It starts with that. Because I feel like I swallowed glass. Oh, boy. Yeah. It's not good. My first day was like that. Can I tell you? Sniffily. Can I tell you guys? I really believe this. And you're going to think I'm crazy. I believe wheatgrass juice helped me get rid of it. I've been taking it. Three days this week. I took it. Keep taking it every day. Okay. I have a theory, too. Maybe if you blast cigs and eat Big Macs and large fries and vanilla shakes, then you don't get sick. Did you not get sick? No, I'm not sick. I feel great. And you never were? I feel like a million dollars. During the time that L.O.B. was sick, would you? Nothing. Nothing. Not even a sniffle. It's so weird. Keith Richards lives to be 157 years old. You know, and that guy's done all that crazy stuff. I was sick. A little bit when L.O.B. was sick, and now I feel like I have it back. Really? I think I have the same thing as Lauren had at the same time, but just maybe a milder version of it. Tons of people listening right now have it because this is the season. This is just a cold that I have now, but before it was bronchitis, which is nasty. This wouldn't work for you, but I pour a big vodka drink when I know I'm going to get sick, and vodka burns it right out of me. What? Vodka or vodka? Vodka. V-A.
C-A. Vodka. It's a cheap knockoff. A vodka. A vodka. I just pour some vodka. Very similar to vodka, but vodka is actually something. I make it out of battery asses. I like to drink vodka. I like rye. Sometimes gin. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of this show. Nice cold burr. That's right. I'm 40. Woodsy's 35. He is our sports guy. Lauren O'Brien, L.O.B. She's our assistant producer. Is that new? That cup you're drinking out of? No. You had that a while? Before Christmas. Yes, before Christmas. It's one of those... A reusable coffee cup. Reusable coffee cup. Good girl. Sienna's our news girl. She's 25 and scarfing it up. She's got a scarf on. Just gorgeous. Just cover the boobs real nicely. Jay is our producer. He is 47 years of age. And our phone screener today is Chris. Can I pull the curtain back? Yes. Jay is the most mild-mannered person in the world. He's really laid back. He's very mild-mannered. Except when it comes to...
Except when it comes to disciplining our phone screeners. And I'm not just talking about Chris. I'm talking about Chris and Will. With both of them, he'll be like, you guys, hurry up! He's like a taskmaster. Yes, he's like the daddest of all dads. You can say anything to Jay. We were in a meeting yesterday, and I started breaking him pretty good. And he just laughs. But if he is the biggest dad in the world, when it comes to the phone screeners, he's like, hurry up. I need that right now. It's go time. Do I need to top you? Ah, you didn't do that yet? Ah, well. Will, hurry it up. Yesterday, part of their responsibility is the coffee. Yes. And Will forgot to. Set up the coffee for us in the morning. He forgot to dump the old and set up the new. So it's ready when we come in. Clearly. You would have thought that somebody had kidnapped his daughter. He was so mad. That coffee's very important to him. It is important. He goes, Mackie! This thing didn't even get changed out! He's standing there and he's looking at it like he just found an alien egg. And he's like, I don't get it. I don't get it. How many times?
How many times have I got to do the coffee? I'm like, poor Will. Holy crap. I hope Will's not listening. He's sleeping. Gosh darn it, it killed me. It was the funniest thing ever. It was, okay, so that, there were three. Chris is afraid to laugh. I know. There were three things that happened yesterday that made me laugh to the point that I almost pee-peed. One of them was that. The other one was, the other one was something that everybody's going to hear at 7.30. Oh, man. Oh, my God. That was so good. One of the highlights of our show. Sienna's sister, Waverly, stopped by with her mom yesterday and brought the baby. And we got to see Sienna's baby. And we took the opportunity while Wavy was here to, you know, have a little fun. Yeah. And what I mean by that is. Hey, we recorded a promo. Oh, boy. She's 15, Jack. I know. There are so many people that don't know. this story because they listened later in the show. All this took place later in the show. But for you folks that wake up at 6 and you're on your commute at this time, there's this running gag that we have. It's really funny. And the gag is that... True story, what? The gag is that Woods friended Sienna's sister Waverly.
That's true. In front of Sienna. On Facebook. On Facebook. And we gave him a hard time because she's so pretty. She's 15. And she's 15. And Woods is right. He's friended all of our family members. And so he friended Waverly. But we took the opportunity to... make him into a fake creep because she's 15 and gorgeous. Fake or real? Jay's comment was the best. Once Waverly left yesterday, he came walking in. He pushed the door open and he's like, gosh, he's looking at the sun. I can't even look at her. I feel like I have to look away. It was hysterical. And I said to Sienna and to Woods, I said, that girl is just beautiful. She's a pretty girl. She's gorgeous. She's going to break some parts, man. She's very pretty, but she definitely has her flaws, too. She's got to put some clothes on. Oh, gosh, Jay. I'm telling you. I told Kim. I'd cover her up. She'd be wearing a burqa. I told Kim. I told Kim. I said to Kim, I said, Kim, I'm fantasizing about that girl, and I need her to put some clothes on. I said, if she was my daughter, I would not let her out of the house dressed like that. I mean, first I'd make out with her, but then I wouldn't let her out of the house. She was wearing jeans and a white tank top.
Yeah, she wasn't bad. I wish the tank top was black or something. Longer. You know, what can you do? It was really hot in here. She had a sweater on. I didn't even notice. I didn't know what you were talking about. I didn't even remember what she was wearing. Well, anyway, what people don't know is that in making fun of Woods, friending her, we've also made it into this thing where we go. We say that he has this crush on her. That's great. My wife loves it. She loves it. We say that he has this crush on her and that when he's around her, he becomes nervous and tries to even change his voice to be like a 17-year-old to appeal to her. And so he's like, hey, baby, how you doing? Hey, hi. He tries to talk about cool things that teenagers might talk about. Texting. Twilight. And so at 7.30 this morning.
You're going to hear this version of Woods actually talking to Wavy. The real way. Because she was in here yesterday, and we took the opportunity to record it. And you'll hear it at 7.30, and it's pretty funny. One of the highlights of anything we've ever done. I was laying there trying to think of something that made me laugh harder, and I couldn't. 7.30. Word of the day is chalk. When you hear me say chalk, between now and 10, caller number nine gets dinner for two at Pample Moose Grill, my favorite restaurant in the world. And you also get a $50 gift certificate to the 2011 Ski and Snowboard Mega Sale. So very nice. Wouldn't you say Pample Moose? It makes my mouth water sitting here. I'm like, ribeye, ribeye, ribeye. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's so good. That makes my mouth water. That's right. So. All right. Lots of things happening in the news. Golden voiced former homeless guy Ted Williams is off to rehab.
Isn't that sad? It's so sad. Less than a week of fame. And he's back to rehab. Well, my guess is that when he said that he was two years sober, he probably wasn't. He probably wasn't two years sober. He's probably struggling with alcohol, and that's the reason why he's homeless. Because that's what happens when you're addicted to... to something like that, to a substance. It'll take everything from you and it'll leave you homeless. And so, you know, if he if he had actually been two years sober, there's a really, really high probability that he would not have been homeless, that he would have been able to string some things together. But don't know for sure. Don't know for sure, but that's my guess. Well, with his fame, he's been on, you know, all these shows and being interviewed. And he was on Dr. Phil. And there's three different segments with Dr. Phil. This one that airs tonight is a big one because his ex-wife is on it and five other family members where they reveal, look, you know.
He can't handle this sudden fame. He's actually been drinking daily. Yeah. And, you know, he admitted to it. I like to just take advantage of people when they're in the news. Do you like to exploit people, Dr. Phil? Is that your bit? Well, what I do is I try to veil it like I'm helping. Right. But in reality, it's exploitation and ratings. Yeah, ratings, ratings, definitely. All about the ratings. Just taking advantage of people, you know. Real good? Real good. Just real sweetly? Yeah, real sweet. Well, you know, hopefully rehab will help. Oh, man. You know, I feel sorry for him. You hate to say it, but we called it. We're like, man, I hope we don't see this guy flame out. Oh, don't do the I told you so, babe. Yesterday. I think I will. Yesterday was the domestic dispute between he and his daughter in a hotel room where he was arrested, released, you know, an hour later. But still, they were screaming to the point where police were called. And you know, probably booze was involved in that. Well, let's just wish him well. He's not a. Because he has a golden voice and because he's homeless doesn't make him, you know, not a wreck. Right. And the truth is, is that the guy that we saw on the side of the road had a great voice, but he's a wreck. And hopefully the fact that he has entered rehab.
He can get his life back together. I hope so. That would be great. Because what got him to that point will not just disappear overnight. Sure. A house and money doesn't fix that. Probably makes it worse. Yes. Yeah. You know, people ask me because I've had gastric bypass before. And people will ask me about gastric bypass. I'll be like, hey, I'm thinking about it. What do you think? And one of the first things that I tell them is, listen, this may help you to become physically thinner. But there's a reason that you ate the way that you ate. And there's a reason that you eat the way that you eat. So you want to have gastric bypass? Great. But try to figure out what it was that was getting you there. That's a good point. Because what I did was nobody had told me that. And I just transferred it from eating to booze. So anyway, I hope that he works it out. There's snow in 49 states. Can you believe that? That's incredible. It's now snowing in Hawaii on top of Mauna Kea. Yeah. And just amazing. 49 states. Only one. Which island is it? I was just kidding. It's on the big island. It's hot. No, it's cold. It's not hot. It's cold. I know. Very cold. Can you guys guess the one state that it isn't snowing? Florida. Florida. It was tough, wasn't it? Florida because of where it's located. Yeah.
And the equator, all that. Yep. So, well. Crazy year with weather. 49 states. 49 states simultaneously. It was snow. Yesterday, Jay and Woods were playing a game in the studio that was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. So funny. If you go to our Facebook page, just go to facebook.com slash Mikey Show. Yeah. You can see this video. Ridiculous. It's. Woods and Jay sitting about six to eight feet from each other on chairs and they have this heavy, bouncy ball. And it's about the size of a grapefruit. And they bounce it one time. They get one bounce. And what they're doing is aiming for the other guy's jewels. And it hits Woods pretty good once. Got me. And Woods gets Jay. Oh.
dead center. The next one. In the middle of a bullseye. I could have watched them do that for like an hour. I know it. I watched that. I really could have. Next meet and greet. How many times? LLB, did you watch the video a bunch of times? No, I didn't because I lived it so I didn't really need to watch the video more than once. I watched the video a dozen times. Really? Probably half a dozen but yeah. That video actually got me in trouble. Yeah. What? It's so funny. So Jay, tell everybody about What happened when you got home? So I come strolling in the house and I'm, you know, tired, long day. And I go, oh, it's a really hard day, honey. Just, ugh. And she goes, oh, just sit down and I'll make you a drink. I was like, cool. So I sit down. I sit down and, you know, all day long she'd been painting the kid's room, like really working up on a ladder. I'm sitting in there having a drink. Later on I'm looking at the video and she comes walking up and she goes, when was that? I said, oh, that was today. Oh, you're working hard. Oh, wow. Yeah, I was working hard, honey. You were like a ball at each other's boys. Oh, my gosh. It's a different kind of hard work, but it's still hard work. Okay, that was at the wind-down point. Yes. And that was like a mood lightener. Mentally straining is our job. That's when we get real loopy, and you've been in the studio since 4, 4.30 a.m. It's 2 in the afternoon, and you're like, and you're still in here. You've eaten three meals in here, and you're like,
All right. Or you've eaten one and you're a little bit cranky. Yeah, exactly. Oh, man. That was a fun game. But it was hysterical. Watch the video. I have a feeling that that game will be played steadily. I felt so strange. I was sitting watching you guys do it, holding my baby. Like, this is what life is, Sage. Until Mikey started the camera, I was just like Captain Dumbface. Just my mouth gaping open, just watching back and forth like a tennis match. My favorite part about it was just like, Jay, close your eyes. Close your eyes. And Jay's like, I can't. I couldn't close my eyes. I can't. Couldn't do it. It was hard to put your hands behind your back and just let it happen. Oh, that. Oh, it's so funny. Please go to Facebook.com slash Mikey Show and watch this video. Of clowns. Of these two clowns playing this game. It's so funny. Let's see.
Sienna, can you get me the number for this UT survey so we can call it right now? I can. They got a survey up on the Union Tribune for whether or not we should save the Mount Soledad cross. Yeah, it was actually in the Union Tribune yesterday, and the story went everywhere. I got numerous emails from people like, you need to call this number, you need to call this number. Once you call this number, it's a survey, and it's whether you want to remove the cross or keep the cross, and you just push one to remove it, two to keep it. Mount Solid, if you're new to San Diego, it's an area by the ocean in La Jolla, and they've had this white cross up there forever. It's beautiful, but they go back and forth. You can see it from the 5 Freeway, too. And they go back and forth. It must be taken down. Well, it's been declared a war memorial, but now they think... It doesn't matter that it's the word. It symbolizes Christ, and I'm out. Take it down. Yeah. I called the number and did it myself this morning, and now we're going to do it right now. Cool idea that they did this, too. Yeah, it's so easy. It takes five seconds. And on the Mount Soledad, press 2-4, feel overturned. Goodbye. Goodbye. It's so easy to do. I wish they would give us where we stand now. I know. You're the 300,000th vote. Yeah.
I will put that phone number on my blog in the next couple minutes. So if you want to call, it's that easy to do, and I'll give you the number. Why can't they just do it online? MikeyShow.com. I want it to stay. Oh, yeah. Yes. I like looking at it. Yeah, if it's something cool. Yeah. Even if you don't believe in what it stands for, then just believe. It's just beautiful. It's so pretty. And it's a war memorial. Yeah, memorial. Come on. Maybe have some respect. Maybe have some respect for those that gave their lives so that you can be an a-hole. Well, and the first people that put it up, they put it up with good intentions. Exactly. Not to offend anybody. Maybe worry about your kids and stuff. Maybe worry, you know, clean your house, your job. Maybe, you know. Wash your car. Maybe give back a little bit instead of peeing and moaning all the time. I'm sure there's plenty of internet forums that you could go on. Yeah. Just voice your concerns about anything under the sun. For sure. Should I try to move people with music? Yes. Listen, the memorial was put up in World War II. Back in World War II, by the way, when a lot of your father's fathers were fighting. That war memorial was put there in the United States that have given their lives. Men and women in the United States that stand for what America stands for. Freedom.
Freedom that you and I get to enjoy today because of what your forefathers did. You take away the cross, you take away the meaning of what they felt. You take away the cross. Somehow you're taking away freedom, aren't you? That cross stands for our forefather, our grandparents, and our right to be American. To go get you one. All the time. Every time. Let's tear up. I guess you just gotta ask yourself, if George Washington had a vote, what would he vote? What about Barack Obama? I bet he thinks it's beautiful. Kennedy. What about President Kennedy? I'm not Shamu. If Shamu could vote. Mickey Mouse. What about Mickey Mouse? You know he likes it. What about William Wallace? He wasn't even American. I bet he'd vote for that cross. Oh, absolutely. 100% he would. You know, I wasn't even American. But if I had a vote in it, I'd vote for the cross to steal.
I'd be it for the curse. The curse that signifies. Wow. There's nothing better than a dude with blue on his face, isn't there? So great. That scene, every time it's on, I'm like, you get him. You get him. You go get him. Mikey must have had a double dose of medication this morning. Oh, come on with that cross. The phone number's up. You keep going back and forth. I just put the phone number up. MikeyShow.com. Go to my blog. I love it. And call. Push number two. People ever just gripe about stuff? Yeah. You ever just gripe about stuff? Christmas. Don't say it. Just gripe about it. Just gripe about Christmas trees. Christmas graves. Radio stations. Yeah. Morning shows. Morning shows.
Speaking of Obama, he was at the memorial yesterday in Tucson. And this is interesting. You know, the shooter in the Tucson thing, his friend, Zach Osler, was on Good Morning America yesterday, and he was talking about his former friend. And if what he's saying is true, the sheriff there in Pima County may have made a pretty big leap in some of his thoughts on this kid's motives. You don't want to miss this one, and we'll play it for you next time. Think that guy's ever sucked Budweiser foam off his mustache? Think he's ever had either whiskey or sweet tea in a jar? An old mason jar? Think he's ever nodded at the bartender and said, spear me. Think that guy's ever had food made out of a black skillet?
You think you've ever walked into that guy's house and seen one of those little tins of grease next to his sink? Oh, do I love me some George Jones. Oh, man. I can almost not even listen to it. Makes me want to go drink whiskey, dude. At 6.30 in the morning, I'm like, ooh, a shot of whiskey would be all right right now. I don't know what it is about his voice. And my eardrums, but the two work in harmony really nicely. They're good friends. They're good friends. Like peanut butter and jelly. Like peanut butter and jelly. Like enchiladas and red sauce. Yeah. I forgot to tell you guys about that. Speaking of the peanut butter and jelly, you know, our Hungarian nanny, Nita, they have peanut butter in Hungary, but it's not that popular. And they also have jelly in Hungary, but it's used for... You know, very few things. What they've never thought to do is put the two together. Wow. That, to them, is the craziest thought. So when she came here, she tried it, and she took a little getting used to it, but now she really, really likes it, right? Well, her buddy just came here, and it was so awesome watching her say to her friend,
I've got to make this for you. She made it for her and she was looking at it like, this is so weird. I'm going to eat a sandwich with peanut butter and jelly. Do they speak English in front of you? That's all they speak. Even when they're together, they try to speak as much English together as they can. Sienna, what do you got? What's going on in the news? A pretty crazy story. Peter Fonda. discovered a dead body in a car in L.A. yesterday. This is right off Sunset Boulevard. He got out of his car and found a man slumped over the front seat. He is not a suspect, but he had to call 911, and they didn't reveal any more details, but just a crazy story. That's so crazy. Also, poor Hillary Clinton. She was boarding a plane, and... tripped going up the stairs. Oh, wow. She's fine. But of course, pictures were taken. Oh, no. Someone working on the plane helped catch her, but she did tumble. Was she tumbled? No, no. She tripped. She lost her balance. I don't know how women walk in those shoes. Especially getting onto a plane. I could see my heels sticking in the little hole. Are you done? I'm going to do one more. Okay, go ahead.
Kate Hudson is pregnant. Oh, really? Yeah, she has a little boy, a seven-year-old with her ex-husband Chris Robinson. Ryder. Ryder, yep. And now she's having a baby later this year with a front man from Muse. Are you kidding me? Muse! Yeah. Muse! His name is Matthew Bellamy. They've been dating for about nine months. So Kate Hudson, have another bubba. I didn't even know she was. Oh, ow. She gets around like a donut. Oh, wow, wow, wow. She really does. She loves the musician. Her ex-boyfriend, Owen Wilson, is also having a baby. Any day. Child. His first baby. Wow. She slayed A-Rod, too. I mean, she really has been around. Oh, I'm sorry. She dated for a while. I'm sorry. I was going to tell you about back to the Hillary Clinton thing. I totally forgot to tell you guys. Was it the hotel in Denver this past weekend? Mm-hmm. It had snowed. And this dude is walking towards me, and he goes to step on the curb, and it's snowy and slick. Oh, no. He hits one and goes, and I mean flat on his face. He's probably 15 feet from me, and I go, oh. I go, are you okay? He looked at me with venom in his eyes and looked at me and just kept walking. I go.
Be careful. Oh, man. Hurt, sadness, fear. Hurt, sadness, fear. All of the above. What's going on in sports, Woods? Well, this is a very self-serving story, but I really don't care. Notre Dame's Michael Floyd is going to return for his senior season. What? What? Who cares? A lot of people. You do. No. Because you're a domer. He's one of the best receivers in the country. He was talking about going pro? Yeah, he's going to go pro. First story. Yeah, it's just news and sports. He's going to come back for his senior season, which is very important because he wants to get his degree. He promises his mom he'd get his degree from Notre Dame. That's great. It's a good feel-good story, Mike. Yeah, ego M1 Hawk. He has the most touchdown receptions, second most receptions, and third most receiving yards in school history. Kind of a big deal. Yeah. To Notre Dame fans, it is. Yeah, well, or anybody that likes college football. The Colorado Rockies have finally locked up one of their premier players, and it's Carlos Gonzalez. This kid is... An absolute beast. Seven years, $80.5 million. Here is Carlos Gonzalez talking about why he wanted to stay in Denver. Cut to you. Because I love this city. I love to play with the Rockies. That's why I make it easy. Sounds identical. We were waiting for something that was fair, and I think this was fair enough. Identical. It was almost like listening to a mirror. Yes. You can listen to a mirror. Weird. I wish it were 7.30.
I know. It's not 7.30 yet. It's not 7.30 yet. I'm going to take a nice hour-long break down in the parking lot. At 7.30, we will be playing the bit that we recorded yesterday, which is Woods talking to Wavy. My little sister. Wavy is Sienna's little sister, who's gorgeous. And Woods, we make fun of him for having a crush on her. Everything. She's 15. I had to bury my face. And just kind of look away. Because she was actually here. While they were recording. Yeah, yeah. It was just insane. Wavy came in. Hey, Wavy. Oh, boy. She's like, how it's happening? It's me, Woods. Get. Get. You ever just be 17 and have a crush on you? I've never seen Woods so quiet. Oh, my God. What are you talking about? I was not. Woods. You guys are clowns. You turned mute when she walked in. He was embarrassed. Yeah, it's embarrassing when you bring her in. You're like, this old creep is crushing. What am I supposed to do? It's so embarrassing. No, she loves blood. She's probably repulsed. She's not. That I'm fat.
Pacey Dwight. No. Married man with a kid on the way. She loves Woods. And we even went to breakfast with Woods and Jamie not too long ago. And when we left, Wavy said, they are such a cute couple. We are. And I love my wife so much. I hope I'm like that when I'm old. I love her so much. Did you hear what Lauren said? What? Lauren said. What? Was being Wavy. I hope I'm like that when I'm old. Yeah. Snuck that one. I'm an old man. She probably thinks I'm like, the grossest, oldest guy, does she? What she said. She texted me last night. What'd you say? I mean, I don't even care what she said. I don't care what she said. You can read it or not read it. I don't care. You can read it, though. She said what a good time she had in here. She mentioned me specifically? Yeah, she capitalized my name. I don't care if she did. I don't care. She called me Steven. Boy, that wood sure can't pick that guitar. Would she call me Steven? It would. And to add insult to injury, Sienna's mom and Seth's in here looking at me like, kind of looking at me like, I wonder if there's a grain of truth to this. Is this a bit? Is this a bit? Sure she's used to it. Sure she's used to it. Three beautiful girls. My wife is right now getting ready for work, shaking her head in the mirror.
Going, what did we get ourselves into? She's a good sport. She would have to be. So anyway, that's at 7.30. Okay, so this was on TV yesterday. And it was on Good Morning America. They were talking to a friend of Jared Loeffner, the shooter in Tucson. And, you know, he's saying that. He's kind of responding, I guess, to the sheriff. The sheriff of Pima County said it was really outspoken about Rush Limbaugh and conservative talk radio inciting people and all this stuff going on and on about it. And he was really taking the opportunity to lambast radio talk shows and Limbaugh specifically. So here's what Zach Osler. A friend of Jared Loeffner had to say about it. As for motive in Saturday's attack and the speculation Loeffner may have been fueled by partisan politics and rhetoric in the media. He did not watch TV. He disliked the news. He didn't listen to political radio. He didn't take sides. He wasn't on the left. He wasn't on the right.
Instead, he points to this online documentary series called Zeitgeist as the gas on Loeffner's fire. It's a documentary movement that rails on currency-based economics. I really think that this Zeitgeist documentary had a profound impact upon Jared Loeffner's mindset and how he viewed the world that he lives in. I think he was crazy. Yeah. Right? That was just fanning the fire, I think. Yeah. That got me fired up as well, but I didn't have to do something so stupid. Let's see. Here's more of this kid yesterday. The memories of the Jared he knew then were in stark contrast to the man staring back at him now. When you see that picture, does that look like the young man that you knew? I can't look at that. I'm assuming he's talking about that creepy mugshot. Yeah. He shaved his head and, you know, looks beat up. He looks deranged. Yeah, he does. It scares me. I wish I could have helped him. I just forgot about him. You know, we stopped talking to each other. I wish something I could have done or said to help him or try to get him help. It's sad. Yeah, it is. It's really sad. So Obama spoke yesterday at a memorial service in Tucson.
13,000 people there. Oh, my gosh. Is your brother one of them, Mike? Yeah, I don't know. Well, I haven't talked to him, but he was going to try to go. Our hearts are broken by their sudden passing. Our hearts are broken. And yet, our hearts also have reason for fullness. Our hearts are full of hope and thanks for the 13 Americans who survived the shooting, including the congresswoman many of them went to see on Saturday. Speaking of her, Gabrielle Giffords, she opened an eye yesterday, which is like a miracle. Oh, wow. Really? She's moved her arms. She's done the thumbs up yesterday. She opened an eye. Her friends were there to see it, and they're just blown away. She was shot point blank through the head. With a 9mm and survived. That's crazy. And one more thing about that, a federal judge in San Diego.
San Diego actually was chosen to preside over this case, and they don't know whether or not he's going to go to Arizona or if the case is going to be moved to San Diego. But his name is Judge Larry Allen Burns. Our phone number here is 570-1949 if you want to call and text 949mikey at gmail.com if you want to text us. Lauren went to Payway yesterday and was in line. You like Payway? I love it. I don't even know what that is. It's like a Chinese. It's like a takeout of P.F. Chang. Yep. Kind of. So she was there and she's standing in line and says, bless you to somebody behind her and did it twice, actually. Yeah. And some guy in front of her looks at her and then looks at the sneezer and says, Gesundheit. Exactly like that, as a matter of fact. Were you in Germany? Like he was correcting you? Oh, you went to Pele, Berlin. Gesundheit with the eyebrow as well. You were in Berlin yesterday. Munich. I think it was Encinitas, Germany. Yes. Obviously. Was he making it a point to be like, not everybody.
Yeah. Bless it. Like, don't spread your bless you all over me. Meanwhile, the sneezer said thank you twice. Yeah. You know? Sneezer's okay with it. Why is guy ahead of me all gesundheit-ish? Yeah. Gesundheit-ing all over you. Yeah. I'm like, hey, mind your own business. You think that guy says happy holidays instead of merry Christmas? Yes. 100%. You think that guy's for the Mount Soledad cross? To be taken down? Merry Xmas. Did he click his heels when he did it? Gesundheit! Yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, boy. Oh, wow. That was well. Sometimes Nazi references. Sometimes they're not as funny as they used to be. Good thing you can't see the radio. Yeah. But, yeah, it's a good thing you can't see the radio. Did you ever see Michael Scott do that joke in The Office? It was in one of the first ones, I think. It was the very first one. It was the very first one. He does, like, the pen. Yeah. And he didn't realize. And everybody's like, oh, gosh. Oh, boy. I can't make that joke. Well, here's the deal. Some people are a little uptight. We were talking about that with the solid-eyed cross earlier. Some people get a little uptight about that. Well, I thought it was also just aggressive. Yeah. Like, it's one thing if you just, you know, had added it or you got to it first, but I got my bless you in there. Right. You know what I mean? And he had to go over my head with a gesundheit. Yeah. Did you say anything? No. Well, then he turned back around because he's in front of me. So I was just like, ah.
Maybe you kick him in the shin next time. I know. I should have, like, where his knees were locked, I should have just put my... It would have been so funny if Lauren had crossed her arms and been like, excuse me. Don't go over my head with your Gesundheit. Spreken Sie Deutsch? Yeah. I would have been like, oh, someone's in a bad mood. Yeah. I mean, you have to say something. Well, I don't know what I would have... I would have been flabbergasted. I was kind of, like, rifling through my purse. It was just one of those things where, you know, I was trying to be ready and prepared. And so I just kind of was like... Me? Was that me? Did you just do that? That was passive-aggressive. Yeah. Minus the passive. What a D. Let's see. Got an email for you that I want to read to you and see where you are on this. Says, Mikey, I've been a fan since you guys came to FM 94.9. I was one of the people who was mad at first, but now I'm mad at myself for being mad. I love you guys. Before I even ask this, I know how you feel, Mikey, about cohabitation, but my boyfriend wants to get married and I'm not ready for that step. He had a slip up early on in our three year relationship and I am not ready. He says he would marry me today, but I'm not ready. My question, though, is about joint checking accounts. I think it makes sense for bills, but he is being weird about it.
I just wanted the show's take on that. M1 Carabelle. Well, wow, is there a lot of layers to that on you? She's living with her boyfriend and doesn't want to marry him because he had a slip up early in the relationship. But what she does think is good is to have the joint checking account. For ease of use. For ease of use. I've been down that road. But now it makes it easier. It makes it easier. It doesn't. It makes it harder. The joint checking account? No, actually, I wouldn't have suggested that, but the let's live together because it's practically like you're here all the time and we'll just save money that way. I lived through it. It was fantastic. It didn't end up so well for me. Well, I don't understand that the... I know people that have done it and gotten a joint check account. Yes. No, they were, yeah, you live together. And I actually did it with Todd before we got married. We know. We know. You did the twin checking. We did the twin checking. Oh, I see. Okay.
I get it. I got it now. Now I get it. Well, we were living together, and it does make paying bills easier. And we still have an account together, but we also have separate accounts. So I have an account, he has an account, and we have one together. And if you're living together, you're basically common law marriage anyway. Well, after a year. But I used to... No, no, no. Isn't it? It's like three months. I thought it was six months. Common law? You're not common law married unless you're together as... For seven years. Really? What? Yeah. Well, I know for getting, if I were to. Look that up. Somebody look that up. To get Matt on my insurance. California common law. We had to have been living together for at least a year. Let's look up California common law. I think Jay is. I got it. One thing I did do was I got to this, I went to the same bank as Matt because I switched banks. Yeah. Because I was like, that way I can easily transfer him money. But I didn't want our. accounts to be together because I was like, yeah, that's my money and it's none of your business. Well, now let's walk through her deal. You know, he had a slip up early on, which is okay. So she forgave him, which is cool, you know, and I guess he's earning trust back now, which is a bank account itself, which is a bank account itself. Wow. I just blew my mind. It's the truth. Now, my thing here is that you, you obviously trust, trusted him enough.
To cohabitate. You know, you've forgiven and trusted enough to cohabitate, to live together. Now, you've taken that leap, okay? But you're not willing to take the leap to marriage, which brings me back to the cohabitate part, which is, well, how much trust will you need to have in order to get married? Which is a question that only she can answer, right? She's the only one that knows. Well, we'll have to be together for this long without him showing any signs of weirdness and blah, blah, blah. But if you're going to have a joint checking account, you're playing, it's like when you play dress up or when you play princess, you know, you're putting on the princess clothes. You're not really a princess, but you're putting on the princess clothes. Well, you're playing marriage.
You know, you're dressing like marriage. You're pretending like marriage. You're doing everything like marriage. Like we're having sex like a married couple. We're having a house like a married couple. We're paying our bills like a married couple. We're just not a married couple. We're pretending to be a married couple. You know, I'll never forget this Dave Chappelle bit. He says, you know, those girls sometimes say, don't treat me like I'm a whore because I'm dressed like this. I'm allowed to dress like this, and that doesn't mean I'm a whore. He goes, I don't walk up to a police officer and be like, officer, officer, please help me. Somebody just stole my stuff. And he's going to go, wait a second. Just because I'm dressed like a police officer doesn't mean I'm a police officer. You know, the point being, listen, you're pretending to be a married couple. You know, so don't mistake it for, you know, something else. I mean, you're pretending to be a married couple. What are you going to do? Maybe that's just a step for her to trust him. Yeah. Because money's a big deal. Maybe she wants to keep an eye on his spending. That could be a deal. No, I wouldn't. I didn't want to join. I was like, that's your business. I'm married to my wife. I've been married to my wife for three years. And we've been together for nine separate accounts. You're insane. I'm not insane. What do you guys do to pay the bills? I pay the bills.
I pay all the bills. I sit at the desk. I write the checks. I stamp the envelopes. I send them out. I pay the bills. If she needs money or I need money, our accounts are linked. It takes two seconds. Right now, if I had any money, I could transfer her money into her account and vice versa. And it works for us. We're not crabby about it. Because I know that I'll be the guy. I know myself. I've seen a lot of people in my life fight over money. And I know that I'll be like, 48, 75 at Target yesterday. What was that? I know I'll be that way. So I just choose not to. I try to nip it in the bud. It says California does not recognize common law marriage, period. Oh, really? What about domestic partners? Well, that's not what I looked at. Did not know that. I learn something new every day. Let's see. So, by the way. I don't know about you guys. I was kind of wondering if Sarah Palin was ever going to respond to all this stuff because everybody's like, ooh, Sarah Palin, the shooter, and you're all gun happy and all that stuff. Well, she put out a video responding to it, and we got the audio from the video. We'll do it next. So Woodsy said that Sarah Palin said something weird or something? Yeah. I'm trying to remember the term that she used in this.
clip that they're going to play. We'll play it for you here in a second. Don't everybody freak out and overreact. We're not freaking out. Nobody's freaking out. Okay, hokey-doke. Apparently, there's something in there that you're just not supposed to say, and it's a term that goes back to the Jews and Nazi Germany and things like that, and you're just not supposed to say it. It's like when people compare things to the Holocaust. Nothing was like the Holocaust. Zuntite is not a bad word. No, it isn't. Well, that's not what you said. I know what it was, and you'll hear it. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And our phone screener is Chris. It's Chris. Woods singing to Waverly. Sienna's little sister, 15 years old. I can't wait. Is coming up at 7.30. You don't want to miss it. In fact, I'll let you text everybody you know and Twitter. Tweet it. I'm going to miss it. Help you guys enjoy it. You're going to bathe in it. Yeah, you're going to bathe in it, dude. Oh, my gosh. You're going to love it so much. I'm going to feast on it. You're going to feast on it. Okay, so here is Sarah Palin in a video that she put out talking about the Arizona shootings because she has been, obviously, people are bringing her up because she's so pro-gun. And, you know, I think that people are wrongly doing this thing where they're going, oh, Sarah, you're a jerk.
You like guns and this guy shot someone. You know, he was a nut. That's my opinion. But anyway, here she is in her video talking about it. I've spent the last few days reflecting on what happened and praying for guidance. After the shocking tragedy, I listened at first puzzled, then with concern, and now with sadness. to the irresponsible statements from people attempting to apportion blame for this terrible event. Observation. This is very, very uncharacteristic of Sarah Palin. See, part of Sarah's appeal is that she's a girl next door. Yes. And that she's, you know, she's the every American. And when she speaks, usually it's not prepared. It's off the cuff. So this is different because it's prepared. It's a prepared read statement. You can tell how much. It's a speech. President Reagan said we must reject the idea that every time a law is broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions. I think she's trying to start to sound presidential. Yes. That's her bit.
I think she's maybe just nervous. You know, she puts her foot in her mouth sometimes and is like, I want to defend myself clearly. I think her people have talked some sense into her. Give her a minute. She does it again. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Acts of monstrous criminality stand on their own. They begin and end with the criminals who commit them, not collectively with all the citizens of a state. Not with those who listen to talk radio. Not with maps of swing districts used by both sides of the aisle. Not with law-abiding citizens who respectfully exercise their First Amendment rights at campaign rallies. Not with those who proudly voted in the last election. Okay, and she continues. If you don't like a person's vision for the country, you're free to debate that vision. If you don't like their ideas, you're free to propose better ideas. But... Especially within hours of a tragedy unfolding, journalists and pundits should not manufacture a blood libel that serves only to incite the very hatred and violence that they purport to condemn. That is reprehensible. Blood libel. What's that? Refers to a false accusation or claim that religious minorities, usually Jews, murder children to use their blood in certain aspects of their religious rituals and holidays.
Historically, these claims have alongside those of well poisoning and host desecration has been a major theme in European persecution of Jews. Oh, wow. She's probably going to take some heat. Was the shooter Jewish? No. But she's using the term blood libel and she shouldn't have. She incorrectly used it or it's offensively used? Offensively used. Huh. According to, I think, Jewish people. Yeah. I'd never even heard that before. I hadn't either, but when I saw it, I read about it a little bit, and I was like, oh, well, I shouldn't say that. Hmm. 5701949. And people are up in arms about it. Weird. People like to be up in arms. They love to be up in arms. I've never really been up in arms about much. Mike Vick I'm up in arms about, but that's really it. But I don't get up in arms about stuff that much. The Yankees. There's too much going on in the world. You just worry about yourself. Eyes on your own paper? Yes. Eat what's on your own plate? Yes. Yeah, I think some people love to be up in arms. They go onto up in arms websites, and they are part of up in arms fetishes, and they're really into it. They're so into it that they have posters of up in arms. Just arms. Just up in the air. Rex Ryan's up in feet about stuff, you know what I mean, instead of up in arms. That's right. I'm pretty sure that the shooter was a Jew, though. Oh, was he? Yeah. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. 5701949.
949mikey at gmail.com. Sienna yesterday had a little Sagey, her daughter, and went to the bookstore. I got a little up in arms yesterday. Oh, wow. Do you want me to tell it? Yeah, I want you to tell it, and I want to see what people think about it and where they stand on it. I'm still upset. I'm nervous to see what you guys think about it. Okay, so yesterday after our meeting, I took Baby Sage to the bookstore, a well-known bookstore. And I wanted to get some books so that I could start reading to her. And I was in the little kids section, you know, going through the books. And she was in her car seat sitting on the floor just a few feet from me. And while I was looking, I wanted to get her something, you know, that she could kind of play with. And so at the bookstore, they had a little train set, like a Thomas the Train thing with four train cars. No one was playing with them. So I went over and I took one of the train cars and cleaned it off, of course. Of course. And I have my little baby wife. That's why you care. Anti-bacterial in your purse. So cleaned it off, gave it to her. And so she's sitting in her car seat, you know, like holding on to this little train and looking at it. And out of the corner of my eye, a couple minutes later, I see this other mother. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. No, when you say other mother, you don't mean like other mother. What do you mean? I wasn't there. It was another woman in the bookstore that was there with her child. And I see her come up to baby Sage.
and take the train from her adorable little hair. She worked there? Nope. Nope. Okay, now. What? Nope. As I'm sure you imagined, I was outraged. Just boobs flying everywhere. I was. Like a mother bear, I'm sure. It was exactly like a mother bear. When someone does something to me, I'll be like, eh, whatever. But if you mess with someone that I love, I will take you down. So anyway, now Sage doesn't cry or anything. And I'm just like, immediately I need to go confront this woman. Because you don't just take something from a baby's hands. Happy birthday, lady. Yeah. Taking candy from a baby is an expression. And taking drinks from a baby is not. It's not. Now, to be fair, I will give you her side. So I come up to her and I'm like, excuse me, my baby's playing with that. What are you doing? Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. You guys, I was mad. Really? She's just four months old. Oh, I know. Like, I'm proud of you. What are you doing, woman? Yeah. So she says, oh, my. Like, she was surprised and couldn't believe why I was mad. She said, look, you know, my little boy who's a toddler, he's three. He's playing with the train set. He came over.
after we got there, let me tell you, is playing with the train set. And apparently he wasn't happy with the three other train cars. He needed the engine, which is what Sage was playing with. So she says, well, you know, he's three. He's aware that it's missing a piece and wants to play with it. Your baby, she's not crying. She doesn't know that. what's the deal is she doesn't even care that's for little kids that can play with it and i'm like i'm sorry we were here first i gave her the train piece you don't just take something from a baby yeah yeah without asking without asking you know and she said look you know her thing was my child is old enough to play with it great and your baby's not even crying she doesn't even know it's gone So I was just like, you know what? Look, you're ridiculous. I didn't say you're ridiculous. I was a little bit nicer about it. But I said, look, you know, the bottom line is you don't just take something, especially from a baby. I would never take something from your child if it was reading, holding a book that he couldn't read. You guys are having that conversation. Yes. Oh, wow. I even said if your kid was holding, he can't read. He's clearly old enough. I wouldn't take a book out of his hands. I could never. I would do it if anyone said something mean about any of you. Yeah. You know.
She could have come up to you and said, look, I really don't... Do you mind if I just swap something in? Because she's a baby. I don't know if she knows the difference. My son's about to throw a fit. Like, asking, I could see where she... You could be like, okay, I see that rationale. Oh, I'm shaking. But just taking something? Yeah. Who do you think you are? What do you think you're doing? Mike is staying real quiet. Why are you so quiet? Why are you so quiet, Mike? Are you on her side? Are you on Bookstore Lady's side? Jay's quiet, too. Well, I'm not on... A side, per se. You need to be on Sienna's side. Yeah. You need to be. You have to be. Okay, well, let me say this. Let me say this. Regardless of anything, it's Sienna, so I'm on your side. Yes. Okay. All right, and I will say that because you're in my family, and so I got your back. Thank you. Now, for the purposes of having a radio show, I have to play devil's advocate. Of course you do. Love that bit. Not. Well. Not. And I invite people that have an opinion each way. I see her side a little bit. A little bit. I see her rationale. Her side could be, hey, happy birthday, pal. This isn't your train set at your house. It's not hers either. It's neither of yours. Let's say that I'm a judge hearing this case. I think a judge would be like, well, you know who doesn't have?
them take the thing away from their baby is the person that doesn't take the thing away from the train set. It's meant to be on the train set. Isn't it meant to be on the train set? There's multiple cars in the set. It will still work. Hang on. I, by the way, am not saying I am not saying that Sienna taking that train off of the thomas the train thing is a federal offense or i'm not saying it's like bad in fact on a scale of one to ten it's like a half of a one yes you know what i mean and you know in the same vein i say that if that little kid that she has the mom has what would have made it bad is if sagey had got upset yeah oh yeah that would have made it bad You know, because then it's like, come on, lady, really? And that woman should know better because her three-year-old was a four-month-old at one point. She knows that you can be, as a mother, you get your hands full, you're frazzled, you grab the first thing that you can to try to keep the baby satisfied. Right. And she could have caused...
interruption. Yes, and it's a sorority. You're all mothers. You're all in it together. What the hell is she doing? She's not part of my sorority. She's out of your sorority. The deal is that there's not a bunch of people there. It's not like there's a bunch of people there and it's a big deal. There was just a couple people in the kids section, no one playing with the train set when I got there, which is why, obviously, Sage doesn't need four train cars. That's too much for her to hold, so I just got her one. And, you know, this woman thinks that Sage doesn't know the difference. What's the big deal? Yeah. I have a little bit of a question. I was trying to come up with some sort of parallel. Okay, say you're on the playground and little kid's just sitting on the seesaw. Meant for two. But he seems to be just enjoying himself. Mom walks up. She's got two kids that want to get on there. And she's just, excuse me, I've got two kids. You're not even fully utilizing the seesaw. So your kid needs to get up. Or just taking the kid and saying, all right, you have to get off now. I mean, what would you feel about that, Mike? If my one kid was on the seesaw. Because it's meant for two. You're talking about teeter-totter, right? Yeah. You're saying the train set is meant to be together as one.
Well, I'm saying the train set, you know, here's what I'm saying. I'm saying that I don't think you're supposed to take stuff off the train set. I think you can. It's a toy. I think you can because it's a toy. It's for little kids. And, you know, little kids aren't supposed to take toys and shove them up their nose, but they do. Okay. So they kind of, you know, they kind of do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You sold me. Listen, my deal, I guess the deal is, is, you know, it's not that big a deal. Don't take the toy away from Sagey. Or ask. Just ask. Like, where is it cool? Yeah. Where has the. politeness gone in our society of like, hey, excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you. Okay, if I'm in line at an airport and a guy runs up and... Well, she wasn't a jerk about it, Woods. No, she wasn't a jerk. She wasn't nice about it. But she took it. What I'm saying is if a guy runs up and is like, pushes his way to the front of a line and he's like, sorry, man, I got a plane to catch. I have a problem. But if a guy taps me on the shoulder and says, hey, man, I hate to bother you. I'm desperately late for a plane. Do you mind if... Hey, have a ball. If she comes up to CNN and goes... I know this is going to sound crazy. My son over there, little Tommy, loves these train sets and he wants the whole thing. Is it going to freak your baby out if we take this one? It's a completely different story. I might have seen that. I'm with you. But I also don't see this lady going, how dare this? Give me that. I'm getting to a jerk. I don't think so either. But it's pretty brazen to walk up and be like.
Thank you. I'll take that. She didn't go, thank you. I'll take that. She said, hi, sweetie. I'm just going to take that. That's even worse. That's passive aggressive. Oh, wow. Hi, sweetie. I'm just going to take that. I know you don't understand me, but I'm going to take this from you. It's very, I don't know. I feel like. I was so mad. Babies can go from zero to 60 and just lose it. And once the baby's crying, it's so much harder to calm them down. Phone lines are blown up. She could have really screwed things up. Oh, I would have killed her if St. started crying. M1 Ashley from Ramona. Hi. Hi. I think that Tina was completely in the right for getting upset, and that woman was insane. Just grab stuff. I would take a toy from my kid and just not say anything to me and just... That's insane. She, I mean, she was sweet about it. You know, she didn't get mad or she completely, she thought.
she did nothing wrong. And she was explaining herself. And I'm like, you know, I didn't say it, but I'm thinking, okay, I see your point, but, but I don't care. Yeah. I wouldn't care. There's no way. Yeah. I wouldn't care. I don't care. But I can't expect people to be, that's the thing. I try not to have people be exactly what I'm thinking. What I do. Yeah. Here's, I'm going to make a really bold statement. Let's not all get upset about this. Oh, boy. That means we're going to get upset. I know. Mikey especially is going to get upset. Oh, no. People have become a little bit more self-centered, a little bit more just self-pleasing. Like, here's what I want at this time, and so I'm just going to go ahead and take it. I like that. I'm with that. And... I agree with you. The second part might upset you. Uh-oh, no. I hate Mexicans. Wow. I think a lot of it has to do with how virtual we are as a community now.
What do you mean? Everything's done over email, text, Facebook. We're having less and less interaction and people are losing their people skills. I really think so. I agree. I don't have a problem with that. I don't think so. Like forgetting how to polite. Oh, that was not like. This isn't just, you know, Farmville. I can't just take this crop that I want to harvest. I have to politely ask if I can harvest your crop. Yes. Oh, L.O.B. I think that's brilliant. It's brilliant. And I don't have an issue with that at all. And I think that I think that. Okay, I think if you rewind the clock, I don't know how many years, but if you were to go back many years ago, there was a very, very high priority put on manners and put on politeness and put on kindness and put on that. Now, in 2011, I think that there's a very high priority put on me getting mine. Always. And that, our culture has put that as a priority.
And so things like politeness and niceness and stuff, those things are left to people who still hold them dear. And there's less of those people now than there were 20 years ago. In my opinion, there are less of that doesn't mean they don't exist. They do exist. You hear me talk about them all the time. And there are people you guys here on the show, I believe, believe in those principles, you know, but not everybody does. Not everybody does. I mean, I see stuff all the time. You know, it's like the lady the other day that wrote the text. It was like the lady that wrote the text last week. Yeah. Oh, wait. What did she say? Yeah. And I she. Well, I did. I did. And I didn't. I thought about it later. I was like, oh, my gosh, I can't believe, you know. But. I was talking about Jake and I was talking about my son Jake and his autism and making a connection with him. And it was the first time I'd ever made a connection with him and I broke down. Probably the most – probably the most moving thing I've ever heard in my life without question. That's nice, dude. Well, she wrote this text, man, and she was all pissed and – F words and bad words. Yeah, yeah, real bad words. And what she was saying was is, you know, why don't you quit being a narcissistic –
It's not all about you. And, you know, I'd rather hear music anyway. And I switch between you and other shows. And, you know, you're just going on and on and on. And that's what I mean. Just the overall, like, customer service. Yep. It's gone. It's kind of gone. By the wayside, man. They just don't. It's about this is what I need and I want it right now. And I don't care who I got. Can't we just be friendly? We're used to immediacy with the internet and our texts and anything that stops efficiency or slows you down. You're like, get out of my way. Right, right, right. I mean, when I send a text, I want a response immediately. Like, I want it now. And if you don't, I'm like, God, you're such a... What are you slacking for, man? Text me back. Respond to my email. Call me back. See, and I must have answered like... 20 phone calls and everybody's on your side. Nice. They want to hunt this lady down with a pitchfork. Whenever I get mad, I always feel really bad and doubt myself afterwards. And I'm like, I shouldn't have acted like that. But I was outraged. M1 Virgin Nikki from Escondido is on the line. Hi. Hi. Good morning, guys. Good morning. Okay, so here's my thing. As parents, it's our job to train our kids how to respond in situations.
And that's a situation where that three-year-old or however old the kid was needs to learn how to share and take their turn, where this parent just totally taught their three-year-old that, oh, when I want it, I just take it. I think you're right. You need to wait your turn. We'll be playing with it. Let's watch her play with it. And then can we ask for it back? Yeah. Or can we take a turn? Yeah. absolutely he already had three train cars right yeah so true and i gotta tell you guys i mean this is me being 100 honest i am gonna be a dad soon and the thing that one of the things that scares me the most is that my kid is gonna be a little jerk and i want to make sure I purposely am trying to change some of the things that I do, some of my attitudes and reactions around the house. Like yesterday, I was like, oh, fudge. And I don't say fudge. I don't say fudge. And I don't say gosh darn. And I don't say shoot. And I have a foul sailor's mouth.
I'm trying not to now. What was it that made you want to say it? I couldn't find my phone charger. And I went upstairs twice looking for it. And you know how far my bedroom is from downstairs? I was like, where's my charger? It had been wrapped up and put in the drawer. And I'm like, where is my... fudging charger. And I said, fudge? And Jamie looked at me and I was like, I'm trying not to curse so much. And she's like, really? I was like, yeah. Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through lifestyle. Fair enough. But it's just one of those things and I'm thinking, you know what scares me the most? I have this mental image in my head. My son, Connor, is over at Mike's house. And he's playing with Luke and Ryan. And they're buddies. Which will happen. Which will happen. These kids are going to grow up together. Little Sagey's there. And they're all hanging out. And my kid's got a ball. And Luke wants the ball. And he takes the ball. Or vice versa. And Mike and I are sitting there looking at each other like...
Your son's kind of a little D. It scares me to no end. Well, can I take this opportunity to talk about the cussing thing? Yes. Okay, so let's say that you're in a situation where you get mad and you're struggling with the – because I ask myself, what do I do? Because I don't blurt the F word anymore. And so the key is getting to a point. where the charger thing does not frustrate you so much. Exactly. And then you don't have the need to say it. Right. And you can. You can get to a point where it's like you train yourself to be more just even keel. Yeah. And then you won't have the need. Yeah. But there are times where you're having a bad day or whatever and you still feel like, saying that thing um but you you know you go through enough uh where you don't say it and then it just might come naturally and it's funny because my dad um and one hawk never cursed i think i've heard him curse twice and one time he like dropped something on his foot you know his he always used to say the goofiest stuff man and my brother and i were like he would say and he would say for corn's sake
Isn't that great? He's like, ah, for corn's sake. And my brother and I were like, ah. It's like watching Scarface on TBS. Yes, exactly. I grew up with the editor from TBS. That's what it was. It was so funny. Doggone it. Yeah, doggone it. I like doggone it. Guess what's coming up? Oh, no. Oh, yeah. It's next. When we come back. I even put it on Facebook yesterday afternoon. I said, be listening tomorrow at 730 because when we come back. Oh, my God. We're going to play you this bit that we recorded yesterday. We're rarely this excited. I know. Because we purposefully haven't even heard it back. Right. It's that good. We hope. It was recorded yesterday with Sienna's sister Waverly and me pretending to be Woods. 17-year-old Woods. What? Yeah. Hi, Wavy. Hi, Wavy. We'll do it next. Well, let me tell you.
We're getting a lot of texts from people, and this is the problem with the internet. Somebody wrote this the other day, and everyone wrote this, and I couldn't agree more. Somebody wrote the other day that the problem with the internet is that there's so much information on it. It's really hard to discern what's real and what isn't real. It's the reason that I don't like talking about vaccines and autism. Because you've got so much, and I use finger quotes, information on the internet. And when you hear somebody say, you know, when it comes to autism and vaccines, do your research. Really? How? Because if you're talking about going down to the library and using microfiche, okay, great. If you're talking about actually getting a tour of the CDC with a government official, okay, sure. I'll do my research as soon as I get a plane ticket to Atlanta.
Or if you mean what I think you mean, which is what 100% of people would do, not 99.9, 100% of people would do when they want to research, they go to G-O-O-G-L-E dot com. They go to Google and they type it in. Autism and vaccines. And then there's all this creepy information. And then there's some information that says no. And then there's some information that says yes. And then there's some information that says no. Okay, so now I've done my research. What does that tell me? It told me there's a lot of people talking on the Internet. So people are calling right now and texting. They're like, oh, my gosh, the shooter was not a Jew. The shooter was not a Jew. The politician who was shot was Jewish. The shooter was an anti-Semite. And then you go online. And there's people online that say, no, he wasn't an anti-Semite. In fact, his mom was Jewish. Who knows? Who cares? Yeah, people are dead. People are dead and he was a shooter. He was a shooter and he did it. And I certainly don't want people to feel that he's being grouped in with a certain group of people. I don't want that. I don't think anybody does. But thank you, Sarah Palin, for causing the controversy.
Yet again. Now, this is fun. Something more fun. Switching gears. This is fun. I'll see you guys in about 30 minutes. Can you guys get this done in about 30, 45 minutes? Woodsy friended. Oh, wow. Sienna's little sister, Waverly. 15 years old. 15. Hey, to Wood's defense. She's gorgeous. Really? That's my defense. He told me he was going to do it. Who cares? That's his defense. Who cares? She's gorgeous. I'm friends with everybody. Yeah, right. Oh, yeah. Are you friends with Jay's kids? Yes. All four of them? Are you friends with Finn? I don't know if he has a Facebook. I'm friends with Maddie. You are? Sure are. Are you friends with Liberty? Does she have a Facebook? I think I am, actually. I think I am friends with Libby. How about Avalon? Am I?
I think I might be. I don't know. I think I am. I'm friends with your brother. My sister Carly? I'm friends with your brother. My sister Carly? I'm friends with your brother. It doesn't matter. I mean, the thing is, is that we've made fun of Woods. I'm about to curse. Fudge, fudge, fudge. I also, the other day, told Woods, oh, Waverly changed her profile picture. He's like, oh, yeah, the one with Sagey? No, I didn't. Yes, you did. They heard it. Well, I did. You knew that you had changed it before me. When people change their profile picture, it comes up and it says... How did I even know? I was just looking out there. I don't even know. I hate you guys. I hate you guys. What I tell you is, okay, maybe I'm talking like this because I want to sound like I'm 17. What? You guys are always making a big deal. You guys ever just make a big deal out of nothing? Get it. Yeah, I'm 35, but I sound young. Yeah, I sound young. Young at heart. Young at heart. I play baseball. I go to the mall. Oh, my gosh. I was just at Cinnabon. Leave me alone. I love Twilight. I like Twilight. Oh, gosh. You and your friends want to get some burgers or something? Yeah, at the mall. I don't even know. Just play the thing. I'm a total gleek. Oh, my gosh. So, yesterday. Play it. No, we have to do the setup. Yeah, yesterday, Waverly actually came down to the radio station after we were off the air with Sagey and Sienna's mom. And I pretended to do this. What is?
Woods, trying to like her. And we were talking about it yesterday, and Waverly is grounded right now. Got in a little trouble. Yes, she did. So we had fun with her about it. Well, yeah, and I mean, she lives at home. She's 15. She gets grounded, Woods. She gets grounded. I mean, yeah, she looks 21, but the truth of the matter is. Does she look 21? No, she looks 15. She looks 15. Does she? All the guys look at each other like, oh. Yeah, you're crazy. Don't justify your thoughts. I love my wife. And that's the only woman I'm attracted to. And I love her. And I always have. Just take a moment if you want to, Woods. And you can just put it out there. And I always will. She's my soulmate. We're about to be parents. No, my wife, Jamie. So let's play this. She hates all of you, by the way. Let's play this. Oh, what's up? I mean, what's up, baby? Um, hi. What are you doing? Oh, she brought Sienna. It's cool. Hey, Sienna. What are you doing here, Woods? Uh, well, I was just, like, hanging out and just playing my guitar and, like, drinking beers and stuff. You don't live anywhere near us, though. I know. I thought I'd come over because I was just in the neighborhood and I was, like, I don't know, just checking out the surf. How old are you? I don't know. I'm, like, probably 30 or something. What year were you born in? 75. Hey, I have questions. Do you know when she was born?
No, I don't know what year she was born. What are you doing here? I'm just saying hi to Sienna. I just got her to school. I know. I know. I was just saying, I was just saying, I was saying hi to Sienna. So, hey, baby, since you're here and you answered the door. What? I don't live here. This is my parents' house. Why are you going to my parents' house? I didn't know. Okay. I was just walking around. I mean. Bye. Bye. Bye. You ever just like, no, don't close the door. Wait. Hey, hang on a second. Why'd you close the door at me? Because you're creeping after my 15-year-old sister. No, I'm not. Get. What do you want? I'm trying to ask questions here. Fine, what? What questions do you have? Did you see Gilmore Girls last night? Just saying. Did you see Gilmore Girls last night? No, I don't watch Gilmore Girls. Fine, I was just wondering. How old are you? I'm like three.
Five, what? Fifty-five with 50-something? It doesn't matter. What? We're just friends. I just Facebooked you. That's all. I've been making a big deal out of it. Because you're outside of my house. Okay, fine. I was coming from school and you're outside of my house bringing the doorbell. I know, but you're making a huge deal out of it. It's a big deal. Okay, one last question. Do you like Glee or what? No, I don't like Glee. I'm a total Glee. Okay, I don't like it either. I don't like it either. I don't like it either. I get so stupid. I'm sorry. Gosh. It's fine. Don't even worry about it. Oh, you know what? I drink. I have to go. Okay, sorry. I was just, okay, one more question. Do you like guitar? What? Do I like guitar? Yeah, like do you like guitar? Yeah, I guess it's okay. I totally like it. I brought mine. Oh, you brought your guitar? Yeah, I wrote the song. I just wanted you to hear it. You wrote a song about me. No, I didn't write a song about you. I just wrote the song. I thought maybe you'd like it because I wrote it. It's called. Oh, God. It's like just about my life. It's grounded. Okay, let's listen to it. Okay. Don't forget, I just write all the time when I'm up late at night just watching stuff on TV like Twilight. Twilight! The part that I like the most is like this. To be grounded. Doesn't it suck to be grounded when you're 17? Doesn't it suck to be grounded? My mom is such a bee. Doesn't it suck to be grounded when you're 17?
To be grounded, are you listening, Waverly? To me, Waverly. Are you listening to me? Are you listening to me? Oh, shoot. Oh, my gosh. For you? Oh, where your face was. Oh, my gosh. Why not? Listen, Woods is checking his phone. He's like, oh, check out the text. I'm sure I'm just getting roasted. Woods sat with a pillow over his face through that whole thing. On the beanbag with a pillow over his face. Oh my gosh. You guys just ever ruin somebody's life? What impressed me the most is Mikey just did that off the cuff. There was no writing. He just flew right into it. Are you listening, Waverly? I was impressed by it. Yeah, I wrote it. I wrote it because it's just up. What? I was drinking and watching Twilight. I was just smoking cigarettes because I can't because I'm so grown up. What?
Hey, have you checked your Facebook? I'm hooked. Thanks for not poking back. I'm going to get a call that's like... Your adoption paperwork is no longer relevant, Mr. Woods. Stop it. The authorities need to talk to you as soon as possible. I love it. That whole thing. My mom is just sitting right there watching. Yeah, watching the whole time. It was hysterical. I really like the guitar in there. It sounded pretty good. That was actually Woods. Oh, my gosh. That sounded all right. I play guitar. Oh, gosh. He doesn't accept to be grounded. He's a genius. I thought Waverly did a real good job, too. Oh, yeah. I bet you did. Oh, boy. Especially in the face of such adversity. And by adversity, I mean Woods. It seemed like at points she was genuinely getting creeped out. Really?
She wasn't. She's a good actress. She loved it. 570-1949. Oh my gosh, Woods. Is there a number? My face hurts. I don't hit on your sister. Do I? You wish you could. You guys are all bad. Once she left, Jay walked in and said, Waverly's looking at the sun. Yeah, there's not a man in this room that doesn't wish he was 15 years old when she walks in the room. Trust me. I said this to Woods yesterday, and I have a feeling Woods didn't know where I was going with it when I first started saying it, but I go, Let me tell you something. I said, and I'm not using any exaggeration here. I said, so you know, there is no exaggeration here. I said, if I had been 15 years old and known Waverly, there would be a better chance of me becoming an astronaut and flying to the sun than of me going out with Waverly. And that's a true. No, it's not. No, no, no, no. Sienna, I'm telling you, that is a true statement. You didn't have to necessarily say, yeah, it's true. I know it is. Of the population of the guys in her school, it was probably only like 3% that she'd even consider. I wonder if there's 3%. Her sister is like the girl that you would consider the best looking girl at school, even though.
She's not even a senior. Right. And she's better looking than most of the population of the school. Now, Woodsy goes like this. Woodsy goes like this. Woodsy goes, I could have. When I was 15. I could have dated her. She's like, I could have dated her. It was mad game when I was 15. When I was 15, I had mad game. I don't think any of you could have. I could have gotten her. No. I had the hottest girls in school. I did. Yeah, but that was in Texas. It was in Connecticut and it was in Texas both. It was in La Jolla High. Big deal. La Jolla High. Game is game. It doesn't matter where you are. Waverly likes everyone. She's very fair. And by fair, you mean like surfer guys with washboard abs? Yeah. Hey, I was in good shape back then. I wasn't a fat pig like I am now. Oh, boy. And I would have pulled out all the stops. If I was 15 years old at LJ High right now, that broad would walk out to, like, flowers. The whole bit I could have gotten. Your sister, her 15-year-old girl, he's calling a broad. That broad. Oh, my God. She's sitting in an auto shop right now. Yeah, she's in an auto shop. Waverly, if you're listening, call 570-1949. Please don't call. Please do. Do they have a radio on in there? She told me she was going to try and listen. I hope the whole class is listening. 570-1949. You guys ever make up fake bits?
Does it just suck to be grounded? Like, I hate being grounded. How about you? Does she take an auto shop for the parking as well? What do you mean? Isn't that what you did? That's what Sienna used to do. Oh, yeah. Take auto shops. Well, Lehigh doesn't have a parking lot. Waverly doesn't even drive yet. She gets dropped off. They don't even have a helipad. I don't even know what the hell I'm supposed to get to school. There's a limo drop off. Gosh. Hey, Lehigh, what are you going to do after summer? Oh, boy. It's summer. You're getting a job. I'm thinking about it. You guys ever just beat a dead horse? You ever just beat a dead horse? If you need anybody to drive. She has her permit. She's really looking forward to her. You have to have an adult drive. If you have a permit, you still need an adult. Oh, we have her on the line. Hi, Waverly. Hi. How are you? Good, how are you? My skin's crawling, but it's okay. Are you supposed to be working hard in auto shop? What are you doing? Not really. Mom let me stay home to listen. My mom is the best. That's awesome. I have a slight cough. You can stay home. Just stay home. Waverly, did it make you laugh? Did it make you laugh hearing that thing back? It made me laugh really hard. Tell Woodsy I'm not creeped out at all. Thank you very much. If you need someone to go drive it with us, I'm just happy to help.
You know, Sienna's family. So you're like a little sister to me. That just makes it worse. That just makes it so much worse. Why? Sienna's my little sister. She's my littler sister. Wavy. I'm just glad you don't think I'm a creep. You don't? You promise? Will you text me that later? Actually, post it on my Facebook. Oh, God. Do you pinky swear? Wavy canceled her Facebook. Are you going to reopen it now? Probably not. Not after this. Not after this. She'll have a billion Mikey Show creeps on there. I know. We have you go to school. Okay. I love you. Okay. Bye, guys. Bye. It's Waverly. Is her voice exactly like her? It's deeper. Hello. We were screamers when we were little kids. I think that's why. Hello. That's funny. It's supposed to be an auto shop. I love her. I want to hear it again. I know. So maybe we'll do it later. because I have to. We will. We will do it. Yeah. Let's play it again at nine. If you've ever tried to stop thinking about your ex but you had a hard time doing it, I have some ways that might help. We'll tell you what they are. Will it help you with 15-year-old girls as well? Oh, boy. Really? You ever just roast a kid up real good? Daily? We've got to change the name of our show. Roast. Roast on wood? Yeah, roast on wood. Woods on roast. Having a hard time getting over your ex? Well...
We'll fix you up. We'll tell you how you can do it. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I'm 40. Woods is 35. He's our sports guy. Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as LOB, is our assistant producer. Sienna is our news girl. She's 25. Jay. Jay's our producer. He's 47. And Chris is our phone screener. Chris. I say. that we do a little Woods on Sports. Does that sound good to anybody? I don't remember what page it's on, but oh yeah, I do. Let's do it. See what's happening in the world of sports today. Woods on Sports brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. The announcement came down. It is official. Brady Hoke has left San Diego State University and he is now the head football coach of the Michigan Wolverines. Spent some time there as a coordinator and is very...
Very fired up to be back, as evidenced by this cut, cut one. We've had a love for Michigan for a number of years. You're screaming. And going up in the state of Ohio, I had a lot of respect for Coach Hayes and loved Coach Hayes. But I was not a fan of that university in Ohio because my buddies work, so I had to be different. Relax. Be different, he said. We should isolate that. Isolate it. Be different. So he is, his reputation is as a player's coach. And I know that the alumni and everybody's really excited to have him. In fact, Tom Brady came out yesterday and said, he's clearly a player's coach. Unlike some other coaches, it's not about him. It's about the team. Oh. Dig it, Rex Ryan, too. So it's kind of a little, you know, it's kind of a two for one there with Tom Brady and Brady Hoke. So, hey, good luck to him. Just don't beat the Irish, pal. Wow. And, oh, this is pretty funny. Yesterday, is it Terrell or Terrell? Terrell. Suggs? Terrell Suggs. I thought it was Terrell. No, it's Terrell Owens. It's Terrell Suggs. Terrell Suggs. Doesn't sound right. Well, Suggs.
From the Baltimore Ravens. Went to his press conference yesterday. They are taking on the Steelers. The Ravens are taking on the Steelers. Huge. Huge game. These two teams do not like each other. These two cities do not like each other. It is good. Yeah. In your house. In your house. Crazy Steeler fan. Not my house, but when I go over to my boyfriend's house. He also loves. We don't live together. Right. Anymore. Anymore. We'll state that. We're not married, so therefore. Anyway, Suggs shows up to his press conference yesterday with a T-shirt that had a purple raven flipping the bird that said, Hey, Pittsburgh. This is the bit now. This is the bit before all the big games. And he said, No, there ain't no message. They rep their city, and I'm repping mine. So here we go. There's no message there? I think there's a message when you have a raven flipping the berg that says, hey, Pittsburgh. I think the message is fake. Well, yeah, not only that, but it's an actual message. It has a message. And then a message there? They should have, the Steelers should have a shirt with like a steel worker. Yeah. Like flicking. A raven? A raven. Yeah.
And that'll be a message. That's a message, too. I like that message. Those are both messages. Yeah. I've got some interesting LeBron James news that you guys are going to want to hear later when we do news in sports at 830 about that tweet that he sent out yesterday. But he hurt himself last night. Actually, the Heat lost 111 to 105. They had won 13 in a row. And he had hurt his ankle. And he said, the doctor told me it's day to day. I'll see how I feel tomorrow. I don't have to be a hero in the regular season if I'm not close to 100%. Every day I read a LeBron James story, I like him less. I really liked him when he was at Cleveland. He's becoming a villain. He's becoming a villain, and he's doing it to himself. And I like him less and less every day to where at the end of the year, I'm going to be rooting against the heat if I cared about basketball one bit. Speaking of basketball, the Lakers won 15 over the Warriors last night. Kobe Bryant is really cementing himself, if he hasn't already, as just the best in the game. And I think for all Kobe's troubles he's had in the past, The dude is legit. I mean, he's about as legit as it gets. He scored 17 of his 39 in the final five minutes of the game last night, which is just great in crunch time. Here he is talking about how they usually start slow against the Warriors, cut three. We've been together for quite some time, so we understand. Particularly coming in this building, we tend to get down early. They play extremely well against us here. They shoot the ball well and play with a lot of emotion.
Just try to be patient, stay in the game. Speaks with a lot of emotions. Sees control of the game at the right time. Riveting audio. And finally, this is an interesting story about Brett Favre's family. His little sister was among five people arrested yesterday in Diamond Head, Mississippi, after police discovered a meth lab on the property. Or it could be a meth head. Oh, no. They responded to the condo complex after witnessing a drug purchase nearby. They walked in. They found some grams of meth, and they found a cooking lab that was cooking at the time. I'm so wasted. Yeah. And so she is in a little bit of trouble. She has prior arrests. She's been in a little bit of trouble before. He's also going through his own legal problems. They're being sued by two massage therapists that said he was inappropriate, sent inappropriate texts, which, as we know, is kind of his bit. So it's not a good time to be in the Favre family right now and get in a little bit of trouble. But that's what's in sports. And I got some juicy stuff for you later, too. Bats. And you're going to give us a sport. And I'm going to give you some more sports. Let's become one.
Sienna, what can you do if you're trying to get over an ex and you're finding it very hard to get over an ex? Well, this is some basic stuff. I mean, one, get rid of the pictures. If you can't get rid of the pictures, at least take them down. JIC. What? Just in case. You can't throw them out. JIC. What if you get back together? There should be a... No, this is... We've all got back together. Every one of us has broken up with somebody and got back. We've all broken up with somebody and got back. With the people that we're married to or dating. Someone told me that they want to hold on to pictures of their ex so when they have kids, they can say, hey, look, look at the people I dated. Good reason to keep them.
Oh, no, oh, no. That's such a good reason. Wow, that's not a good reason. I keep, like, letters and keepsakes. Does that mean that you know someone? Someone I know. A guy? No, no, no. And name sexes. No, no. Is he playing guitar? No! I don't know about that. Does his name start with an M? Stop it! Hood. Listen, you know, listen, here's the thing. Here's the thing. If you are with somebody, Yeah, I think you should get rid of them. If you're with somebody, you should get rid of them. But if you're not with anybody, then they're your pictures. Do you put them in a box and put them in the back of the closet? You put them in a box until you're ready to let go of that person. And when you're ready to let go of the person, I feel as if you should throw those things away. Oh, mystery. Yeah, it is. Okay, fine. If nobody's willing, if nobody here is willing, I will be... The sacrificial goat that will tell the truth. I've kept pictures of exes, J-I-C. Do you have pictures at your mom's house, too, in a big box to look at? No, I do not. When you go home? I do not. You have them in different pockets of places you've lived? I do not, Lauren O'Brien. Yeah, I don't either. Checklist she's going through.
Somebody has become emblazoned. My skin is crawling. Hang on a second. Hang on a second. Hang on. I've had pictures before and I kept those pictures because I couldn't let it go. I've had pictures before. I feel like sometimes it's just so hard to say goodbye. They're just pictures. Sure are. That's why they shouldn't be so hard to let go of. Don't you have a picture in your mind always? How do you? Well, it just isn't respectful to the one that you're with. That's the reason that I got rid of it. Okay, so how about a yearbook that has like signatures from the girls you dated? How about flair? Of course it's different. You can't throw away your flair. But it's the same thing. It's a picture. You can't throw away the flair. It's what Jay calls a yearbook. Jay, you're not going to throw away a yearbook. I'm not going to throw away a picture either. You should throw away pictures of you and your ex. There's actually at my mom's house, there's a picture of a Christmas. Because each year there's a picture of a Christmas. There's a picture of a Christmas with another girl up there. Okay, well that you can't help. My grandmother has that too. Of like exes and stuff. But you have the whole rest of the family in a time frame. Here's the deal. If your mom...
keeps pictures of you and your ex, that's your mom's business. That has nothing to do with our relationship. All I'm saying is that sometimes it's just hard to say goodbye. I sing this song very frequently. Do you? But usually when you have an ex, it's for a reason. You are going to move on. So thinking that you're done with this relationship, that's when you throw away the pictures. When you have a new person. Please throw it. I had a manila envelope, and it was a manila envelope that was about, it wasn't 8x10, it was 5x7. And it was a 5x7 manila envelope that was full of 4x6 pictures. And the stack was probably... An inch and a half? No, no, no. That's about two and a half inches. Two and a half inches thick. And... It wasn't me. Mikey is staring at Woods' death stare. Blink, blink. You must be giving him credit. Woods is trying to get you back. Just play the song for a sec, baby. We all love each other. Reel it back in. Reel it back in. So I took these pictures out, and I went through every one of them, and I separated them into two groups. One was girls that I had dated, and the other stack was...
Everything other than that. Men. And I had all the guys. You ever seen a grown man naked? Men that I've dated. One was girls and one was men that I've dated. And it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy to do, but I threw them away. So hard to say goodbye. It's very mature and respectful of you. Well, I think if it's just the ex, yeah, if it's just a picture of a girl, but it's like if it's the two of you. I do have some with exes in group pictures. You do? In group pictures, yeah. But it's not in like a separate boyfriend thing. It's in like a whole box of pictures with all my friends. I don't have anything. And I mean nothing from a past relationship. You don't have pictures of you and an ex? No. In fact, you know me, the idiot that I am? Jamie and I used to, when we would split up, when we were dating, I would throw everything away and wipe everything clean. Oh, no. Oh, I was that guy. Oh, no. I was Mr. Drama King. Like, this is all going away. And then we'd get back together and I'd be like, oh, I don't have that picture you gave me or that thing that you gave me. She has a box of everything I've ever given her. I threw it all away. I start fresh. I hold it. There's a grace period until you're over the person. When you're not over them.
Makes sense to keep them. Wow, you are speaking right into that microphone. You can have something. This is supposed to be how you get over them. I have a whole list. But if you're not over them, it would be the reason. Oh, my God. But you know what? That's just my school of thought. When I talked to one of my friends about their school of thought, it was kind of like I was made to seem crazy. But it's weird that so many people on the show agree with me. And maybe in their cars. Maybe he should call and defend himself. A hundred percent. Who? You know my friend? I think I know him or her. It's a matter of opinion. It's a matter of opinion. Everybody's different. Everybody's got their own way. But my thought, and it was only my thought when I turned like 34. Yeah. Maybe there's just a couple more years that my friend needs. No, L.O.B. I'm not saying that. I'm saying it took me a long time to become mature enough. To where I was at the point where I was able to make that kind of a thing. Somewhere in a studio apartment in PB right now, there's a guy that just woke up and he's listening. PB? La Jolla. La Jolla. Listening to his girlfriend on the radio. You're being very hypothetical. And he's staring at the ceiling. It doesn't even have to be our show, for example. He's staring at the ceiling and he's going, Lord.
Please help me through this day today. Why? Why me? Why? And then he goes to the fridge and he looks. He goes, well, it's 8, 17. I think it's time for some scotch. And pours himself a giant glass of scotch. I think my friend that I'm talking about is probably still asleep. Wow. My friend. I don't know who Woods is talking about. If he's awake, maybe he calls. He works evenings. I've got your back, Lauren's friend. Again, this is one of those moments where I wish we had a camera because her body language is more badass than what she said. I love it. You know what eggs me on even more? How skeeved out Woods gets. And it just eggs me on. I know. Woods gets so uncomfortable that it looks like... He feels his pain. He feels it. Been there. There's a tension in the room that could be cut with a butter knife. That's right. Oh, my gosh. What else is on the list, Sienna? Some other ways to forget about your ex. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Cut off all contact with her. Look at Lauren. Look at Lauren. Oh, gosh. How much time do we have? Please cut off all contact with exes, unless you have children with them, you know, obviously. It goes without saying that we would agree with it, I think, Lauren. You know? Some people don't agree.
Chapters of life that do not end. Okay, what else is on the list? Another way to forget about your ex. Find a new favorite spot. Find a new favorite spot. What does that mean? You and an ex usually go to one place together all the time. Your favorite restaurant. They hang out. Don't go there anymore. Don't go to those places that reminds you of your ex. Because in your head you will hear that song. Always something there to remind me. And when you do meet someone else that you start liking, introduce them to your friends and family because then your friends and family won't be talking about your ex. They'll be talking about the new person they met. It was so interesting because I would bring somebody new around and my mom would be like, I really like Jamie. I really like Jamie. And I'd be like, shut up, mom. That's a sign. But I think the people that go to the places that they know. was a shared spot of their ex, secretly want to run into that person. M1 Jeff from Carlsbad. Yeah, I think you just got to sever all those ties. I mean, when you think of Skype, when you think of Gmail, when you think of Facebook, when you think of how many times you're on your computer, there's always going to be those reminders there, not including all the photos like Mikey was talking about. I think you got to take all those away. Otherwise, you're never going to fully recover because, you know,
You get your computer. Your phone. You know? Well, we do now. M1, Lauren from Mira Mesa. Hi. Hi. So my question is, what's the protocol with removing pictures of you and your ex on Facebook? Can't have them. Yeah. Really? You've got to delete them, yeah. No. I had a four-year relationship that I just got out of six months ago. All those pictures are still up there. Well, wait, wait, wait. Do you have a new boyfriend? I started dating a guy, and then I wasn't super into him, so I actually untapped pictures of me and that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're single, it doesn't matter. But if you have a boyfriend and you're serious about him, just out of respect, I think it would be a good idea. That's part of your history and your past. Save it. I agree. I think you can maybe hump one up still. No, there's no number. There's no number? There's no number. I think it's weird. That's like saying, hey, listen, your husband can have one girlfriend. He can have one girlfriend. No. Just one. See, it'd be weird if you had two. You get one freebie a year. I'm saying it's okay for her to have one picture of the ex up. No way. Because she's not in a new relationship? Because she's not in a new relationship. Oh, if she's not in a new relationship, she's got to have a hundred. I don't think she, but for her sake of moving on, I think she should take them down because if they're still up, I think you're still holding.
But then if she has to go and choose one, that's almost more painful. Yeah. Listen, if you're trying to get over him, get rid of him, man. I'm not trying to get over it. I'm just saying protocol. If you're in a new relationship and you really like the guy and you think you have a future, then you've got to get rid of him. Yeah. I'll tell you what. I have a really big family. I have like 40 cousins altogether, like 20, some aunts and uncles, grandparents, parents. My life is not any less enriched by not seeing pictures of their exes. I don't need to see, like, I've never seen any of my... You're doing it for you. I've never seen any of my parents' exes, my grandparents' exes, my, you know... It's for them. Yeah, because people that say it's history and they want to pass it on and show it to people, it's like, they're going to be okay. It'd be all right. I'd keep the group shots, but just the ones that you're kissing and that kind of stuff just dumped us. Why the group shots? Because there's a group of you. There's like a time. It was like a time capsule of that moment. Well, and you like the picture of the other people in the picture and their friends. What about pictures of just you and that person? I think it depends because I did get rid of a lot of my pictures, and I wish I'd have kept some of them just because I look so ridiculous in them. Caught them in half.
Yeah. Oh, that bit? That bit. That's a little dramatic. I think I'm a little more grown up than I have to have a half picture. It's like, oh, I couldn't let you see what that girl looked like. If you want to see what you look like. And I think your wife is secure enough after 23 years that she's like, oh, you dated that pig? Put it on them. What? The spouse. In other words, if they weren't okay with it, they'd be insecure? No. I'm not saying that. I know Kim. Kim's fine with it. Kim knows where Jay's bread is buttered. I would love to go back and see. Who Herbie was, the guy that Kim dated. Absolutely. Or Scott. Why? Just because. It's like who she was and where she was at that point. No, that doesn't define her the person she dated. No, I'm not saying it defines her. It's funny. It's funny. My wife has pictures of her and some of her old boyfriends, like her prom picture. I think it's the funniest thing. What do I think Kim's going to bring? Because it's a prom picture. They were boyfriend and girlfriend for a year and a half. That's a life event. And it's also a life event. But I have, she has. Tons of pictures of her in high school and in college. And I don't think that anybody would have a problem. Like, if my wife had a prom picture, I would think that that was an event. Scratch prom. You know? It's a life moment. It's a life moment. Pictures of her and her three-year boyfriend that she had in college, Brett, with a huge wing in his hair. She has pictures of those, and I'm like...
You only think it's funny because you think he looks like a clown. If he was really good looking. Even if he was good looking. Even if he was good looking. I know where she's going. She's coming home to the kids. I never go back in time and marry him. She married me. I wasn't her first and she wasn't mine. We had a history before that. But why have reminders? It's not a reminder. It's a time in your life. It's why. Something you can't let go of. You can let go. No, you can't. So you're telling me Jamie hasn't let go of Brett from college? I don't know. I don't know what her deal is. Jamie's let go of Brett from college. Trust me. It's who you were. It's not who you are. Exactly. It's not about what now. It's about what next. Because I want to see who you were. That's true. I'm on board with Jay and Woods. Yeah, because I don't care. I kept jewelry that I was given and stuff like that. And it's not like I think about them. I just, I like it. The jewelry's different than pictures. I will say this. And maybe this is really sexist. I think it's sexist. I think I'd be okay with a woman keeping pictures. But I don't think it's appropriate for guys to keep pictures. Because guys are visual? Yep. Like if my wife had old pictures, I would think it was kind of weird. I don't think it's weird at all. Listen, my wife was in a seven-year relationship with a guy. Yeah.
I don't want to hear that clown's name. Really? Craig. I say Craig, and you're coming out of your skin. That's a joke. I know it is. That was a joke to her. Oh, no. And I never even met the guy, so I don't know anything about him. You told me a million times you don't like hearing him. I'm going to make a generalization as well. Okay, I have my stack of pictures, my box of pictures, as compared to most guys. is it dwarfs the pictures that they save. Girls save a ton of stuff. They take more pictures. You know what I mean? We just have more of that stuff. So when a guy takes the time to have a little keepsake box of things, it's usually the things that he cared enough to save. I can tell you why. I used to save pictures of ex-girlfriends. I used to save pictures of ex-girlfriends. I'd save pictures of ex-girlfriends. Enough said. And then I thought to myself, you know what, maybe it's respectful to get rid of those pictures because I got a woman that I'm, you know, probably going to marry here. Well, we've talked about it before, you guys. I mean, I think every person in this room is friends on Facebook with somebody they used to date. Every person in this room. And I think, you know, I think if your relationship is good enough and it's meant to last, then it's gonna. And, you know, I don't care.
You know what? There's one thing I didn't like. And my wife was married before. And when I would go to her mom's house, there were pictures of her ex-husband. There were pictures of Jamie in her wedding dress, her first wedding dress. And I was like, maybe we take that down. Because that was a marriage. That I understand. But some girlfriend or some boyfriend she had 10 years ago, I'm like, really? Isn't that Craig? No, Mark was her ex-husband. Oh, I thought that was Craig. Craig's a guy she dated when we split up. She dated a guy named Craig. Okay. And he was like, really? And I was wrong. I was wrong. The one you don't like, Mark, is Mark. It's a significant difference. But we haven't. When there's an ex-spouse. Mark and I have a history also. And it's not a good history. Almost. Anyway. She's like, maybe just share our life story. Maybe get everybody on my social, too, while you're on the air. Your pin number. You guys want a checking account number? That's why I didn't talk about anyone that you guys knew. I was trying to keep it, like, general. I was 15 years old. I had the flu. And I had the chills. I was laying in bed and waited three hours to tape record this song onto a cassette tape from KSJO.
Wow. Finally captured it. Nice. Felt so like I just achieved something. Absolutely. I probably had that tape for 10 years. Modern day cowboy. Oh, it's so good. You know why I liked them? Why? See, I was never a poison guy. I know you weren't. I wasn't a fan of one band that wore makeup. I was never a fan of the makeup bands. And the reason I wasn't is because... These bands, these guys took it seriously. I thought these guys took it seriously. You thought, yeah. They meant business. Yeah, they were about the music. Yeah, that's it. The Teslas are the one. Hey, I saw Tesla live. Phenomenal. Me too. Phenomenal. So I'm open for Def Leppard.
Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, the number just keeps going up and up with the whooping cough cases. Six more cases were reported since the first of the year. So if you have not vaccinated your children, please do so because this is serious. It's getting real crazy in San Diego, especially over a thousand cases just last year were reported. Also, Woods, this one is for you in West Virginia, Charleston, West Virginia. A family is lucky to be alive and it's all because of their dog. Their house was set on fire and they didn't have a smoke alarm. And so their dog went in and was barking and woke. them up and got all four of them out. Wow, that's sweet. So sometimes it's worth it to pick up all the dog poop in your house. Let's see what's going on in sports. Well, San Diego State, congratulations to you. You now have the nation's longest active winning streak at 18 games. You are the number six team in the country. Congratulations. Aztecs had beat the UNLV Rebels last night. That's awesome, man. I was reading on Facebook that it was like... A Laker game with all the local celebrities that were at the San Diego State game last night. That's pretty rad. I'm going to have to get out there and check out a game. Maybe somebody takes the kid. Are you calling yourself a celebrity? No, no, no, no. I just want to go see a basketball game. I've never seen a college basketball game. Maybe somebody invites Mike and I on a Friday or Saturday night and we go make it right. Friday night. But that would be great. Yeah, I would love that. I would love it. Friday night. We'll do it. And then also, I was telling you earlier about LeBron James. He is such a weirdo.
His former team loses by 55 points. He goes to Twitter and there's a tweet from LeBron James, verified account. Crazy. Karma is a B. Gets you every time. It's not good to wish bad on anybody. God sees everything. Next day he comes out and he says, now listen to this quote. It's just how I was feeling at the time, James said. It wasn't even a comment from me. It was someone who sent it to me and I sent it out. It wasn't toward that team. It definitely wasn't a good showing by that team. I know they wish they would have played better. Are you saying, LeBron, that you didn't send that tweet? Is he saying like he retweeted it or something? But it wasn't a retweet. It was right from him. It was right from him. And now he's saying, oh, I don't know. I didn't even do that. What a weirdo. He, every day, every day, I'm like. I read something about him and I'm like, I don't like you. I like D-Wade. I like Chris Bosh. I'm like, I don't like this guy anymore. He's turning himself into a big clown. And he's so good at basketball. Very condescending to think that we'd be like, oh, that's what happened. Oh, okay. Somebody must have hacked into your account. Or they sent you something and you're like, oh, that's a good thing to put on Twitter. Former San Diego State football head coach, Brady Hoke. And growing up in the state, I mean, you knew.
Bo and Woody and the great fights they had. It is the most important game on that schedule. Talking about Ohio State. Not that the others aren't important, but it is the most important game on that schedule. They're going to get demolished by Ohio State. Here's the thing. Now, I'll agree with you for a while. Until he has a chance to start recruiting. We'll see. Bro, listen. Hey, bro. I know. I know. You gave me the whole bit on his record and whatever. I'm telling you. This is what was. I'm fascinated by Brady Hoke. I'll tell you a little story about Brady Hoke. Had him on the old show when I was over on the old show. Now, every year San Diego State would call and they would go. And almost every year. Because they'd have a new head coach all the time. Can we bring in our new head coach and have him come on the air?
And I was like, sure. Now, I can't remember, and a billion people called. I can't remember who it was before Brady Hoke. But I remember the guy, the head coach before Brady Hoke, came into the studio. Was it Kraft? Yes. Tom Kraft? I think so. Yes, Tom Kraft. Came into the studio. And when he walked in, he came in with kind of an entourage. And I'll never forget it. He had a coffee cup in his hand. And he had this air like, I'm here. You walked in. How you doing? How's that when he went? Tom Kraft. You walked in. And I remember instantly in my head in the back. I've never admitted this. I've never told this story in the air, but I remember in the back of my head thinking, I'm not impressed. Oh, wow. I'm telling you the honest truth. OK, I remember in the back of my head thinking to myself, I'm not impressed. And the reason I'm not impressed is because you're giving me the impression that you're a big deal. Right. And I don't know anything about you. Yeah.
And then he lasted a season or two. I don't remember. Something like that. Okay. Then Brady Hoke. So San Diego State calls. They said, can Brady Hoke come in? And I said, yeah, sure. And so Brady Hoke came in. No entourage. No coffee. No air. Sat down. And we started to talk. And I remember his voice was worn out. And I knew why. He'd been screaming. He was a player. Yeah. You know. And there was something about and I said to him when we were on the air, I go, you know, I go, I don't know anything about college football. I said, I don't know anything about coaching. I don't know anything about anything of that stuff. I said, but I got to be honest with you. There's something about you. There's something about you that's real different. And I said, I bet you're going to win.
And he kind of laughed. And I really meant it. And Rebecca even remembers that the first San Diego State game was against UCLA. And I watched it. And they damn near beat him. UCLA. Yeah. He damn near beat UCLA. He didn't. He didn't. They lost that game. But he went on to have a pretty damn successful program with San Diego State. Now, who knows? He may go to Michigan and be a monumental failure. I think there's something about this Brady Hoke guy. Well, you know, when he wins three more games, he'll have a 500 record. And now that he's a Wolverine, I care less. I'm all the way out on the guy because he competes against you. It's the biggest game of, you know, one of the biggest games on our schedule every year is Michigan. And they got us our, yeah, the Irish. And yeah, our. San Diego State would be our, but? No, our. I'm a Notre Dame fan. I'm not a San Diego State fan. But I'll root for them because I'm here. Yeah.
But Brady Hoke's now a Wolverine, so feast, Brady. Yeah, I get it. I think when that guy has the opportunity to start recruiting his dudes. It's a different job up there. Ask Rich Rodriguez. Rich Rodriguez was one of the best college football coaches in America. And he was terrible. Bad fit for the program. We'll see what happens. I think he'll do well. We'll see what happens. Let's see. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, Death Cab for Cutie. The album is We Have the Facts and We're Voting Yes. We have a new Mikey Grills. We do? Yeah. Sweet. I've been waiting. I know nothing of this. Yeah, we have a new Mikey Grills. Would you guys like to hear it? Yeah. Would you like to hear the new Mikey Grills? It's kind of funny because today we have an all-staff meeting. Yes, we do.
We have to all get together today. With Garrett. Garrett. Hillary. Yes. Midday. The entire staff. Tom and everybody from KBZT. Yeah. And we have a staff meeting. And so that's kind of what this is about. You check it out for yourself. I'm Mikey Grylls. I've never been a member of the British Special Forces. I barely got out of high school with a GED. And I've got no experience except for telling jokes in the radio. I will try to survive in urban situations using nothing. At the company's credit card, a car, a nice one at that, my wallet, and whatever things I can find on the internet. You're listening to Urban Survival. I'm sitting here in a conference room for the FM 94.9 monthly all staff meeting. It's dreadfully hot and drab. In fact, this room is approximately 77 degrees Fahrenheit. I'm surrounded by people. I've got woods, L.O.B.
Siena, Jay, our program director Garrett, Hillary, Tommy, some salespeople whom I've never met, and someone who resembles Lestat who appears to be eating baklava. If you think I added that for comedic purposes, you'd be wrong. It's not his baklava either. Our general manager saw to it to have that item delivered. One man is eating it, and he looks like the fictional Anne Rice vampire. The stat. Oh, my God. All right. I am starting to freak out. If you're ever in this situation, I recommend Xanax or perhaps a Quaalude if you can find one. That would require being in the 70s and whatnot. I'll see if Jay has one. Obviously, lunch has been catered. I'm eating what appears to be a very stiff pre-made sandwich. And a bag of Lay's potato chips. I haven't eaten in over two hours. So as expected, I'm ravenous. Detroit, Philly, Seattle. Detroit, Philly, Seattle. Right now, as you can hear in the background, I'm being recalled with tales of Detroit, Philadelphia, and Seattle. Again.
I'm starting to freak out. I don't drink anymore, but if I did, I'd drink a bottle of rye. Now I'm hearing about quarterly numbers and benefit information. I fear I may fall asleep. Maybe I can salvage some caffeine from this Coca-Cola. Let's have a drink. Oh, yes. Uh-oh, I drank that too fast. Now I'm Garcia's and I've got a brain freeze. We've been in here for one hour and 11 minutes. Little ventilation, no sunlight, and very, very little stimulation. All right, thanks everybody for coming. Ah, there it is, the wrap-up. I'm going to get into my car and navigate my way home. If you're caught in one of these all-staff meetings, I recommend feigning sick. and going home, or perhaps phoning in from home, claiming to have Nile fever or something with no cure. Until next time, I'm the Urban Survivor. There it is. So many people that can relate to the all-staff meeting. Detroit, Philly, Philly, Philly, Philly, Philly, Philly, Seattle. Seattle, Philly, Seattle, Philly.
Detroit. I bet he's on his way down. Most people have bosses that just talk about three prominent cities over and over again. Oh, my gosh. Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. When I was in Dallas, and everybody, listen. Dallas. Dallas. If you have an all-staff meeting where you work, you know how they are. Nobody, and listen. If you're a boss and you're listening right now, especially if you're mine, please don't be offended. Because, you know, it's the boss's thing. You've got to live with this. This is the way people feel about all staff meetings. You're like, oh, boy. Personally, I look forward to them. Do you? It's my only chance to really get it, you know, to connect with the rest of the people. We see people so infrequently. It's our chance to. Just really connect with them. Yeah, it's great, L.O.B. Anyhow, well, now the truth. What's wrong with the suck-up? Oh, there we go. Just playing the game, L.O.B. That's right. You're just playing the game. Playing the game. Well, the all-staff meeting, sometimes the all-staff meeting can drag on. Yeah. Sometimes Mike and Woods do bits the entire time and try to make the rest of their cast members laugh. I already told him. I told him Tuesday night. I go, listen, dude.
I talked to Garrett. And Garrett, I mean, this is a big deal. It's a serious thing, you know? And he said, and I told Mike, I go, I'm not sitting by you. Yeah, no funny business. In fact, I'm sitting five people away from you. Chances I sit right next to him are 100%. Chances I bring this recorder in there, too. First of all, you act like Mike is the problem child. It's Mike. You're just as bad. It is you. It's you. But we have the same sense of humor. You guys push each other's buttons to make the other person laugh, to make everybody else get annoyed. The day we had the fire drill, I thought Garrett was going to slit our throats. Because the whole time he was up there talking, we were out in the hallway by sales. He was talking, and I'm like... pinching Mike and he's like pinching me and Garrett said something we started laughing and once he goes I go yeah it's on I'm just telling you guys it's on today and then I just roll my eyes and act like I've never seen you guys right Sienna yeah did Todd really ask you if he can go to Vegas for a Super Bowl permission yeah he asked you oh wow this is pretty funny actually permission to go to Vegas for a Super Bowl so
The guy comes home from work yesterday. And we're talking. He doesn't bring it up. Then I make dinner. We sit down on the couch. And he goes, so, babe. And I know. Oh, yeah. I know something's coming. And I'm like, yeah. What? What? Oh, and he's been waiting all day. Maybe he's waiting for the right time. He's been scheming. He's waiting for the right time. Poor guy. I could tell he was nervous. We all started the same way, too. So, babe. So, babe. He's trying to brace himself. He's like, all right, I can do this. Guys always have to be doing something else. Yeah. Whether it be eating, fixing something. Cutting lettuce. While they can find us. I mean, he's been home for a while. I mean, what's taking him hours? What is it? Oh, yeah. It's called courage and building up courage for the wrath that's going to get dropped on his head. Oh, yeah. It's hilarious because before we were married, this never happened. And now it's like, oh, I love this new role. Oh, wow. So he's like, so, babe, I was talking to Neil today. And, you know, he goes to Vegas for every Super Bowl. And I'm like.
Yeah. Okay. I knew he went once before I didn't know it was every year. He said, well, he called me and was saying how maybe I should go this year. And I was like, well, what'd you tell him? You're like, oh, he didn't know you're married? Oh, he didn't know you had a newborn, huh? Oh, did he not get the announcement for the baby? Should I send him a picture of the baby? Oh, you're right. He didn't get our Christmas card. Your friend didn't send us a gift when we had a baby. That's right. He must not know that we have a newborn. No, so I wanted to hear what he would say. So I said, what did you tell him, babe? What did you say? And he said, well, I told him I needed to get my permission slip signed. And I was like, okay, well, first of all. When is this? He said, Super Bowl weekend. And I said, no. Is it a one night thing? Is it all weekend thing? And he said, well, I can maybe do. I guess I can do one night. One night in Vegas. I can do one night. Forget it. It's plenty. But babe, you're a huge Steeler fan. What if the Steelers are in the Super Bowl? You're not going to watch it with me? Un-bee.
Yeah, because you're basing your plans on having to be in the same seat next to him. She's not coming to our Super Bowl party if the Steelers are in the Super Bowl because of Todd being a fan. And he's told me because he watches every game in the same spot, especially when they're winning and doing well in the season, and I have to be sitting in the same spot. And so I said, well, babe, what if the Steelers are in the Super Bowl? And he's like, well, I thought about that. Oh, boy. And you know what I said? I was like, you know, you can. What did he think about it? He thought about it and what? He said, actually, the Steelers are playing on Saturday. And if they win, then I told Neil, you know, maybe I'm going to have to wait because I may. It could be my fault if they lose the Super Bowl because I'm in Vegas. And I'm like, oh, please. Oh, please. But bottom line is he's going to wait. He told Neil, well, we'll see. Right. So if the Steelers go, he won't.
He'll go. He should go. He wants to go. He wants to go to places. You know what? No, just be in Vegas with his buddy. I'm telling you. Why Vegas for the Super Bowl, though? Because it's big. It is big. Yeah, Neil goes every year. And Todd doesn't really have a lot of friends here. He's from Pennsylvania. And so, you know, I want him to see his friends, but I don't really like Vegas all that much. Or him going without me. Why? Why? Why? I know my husband. I get in trouble in Vegas. And that guy loves to go out. I've never heard of that place. What is it? It's a nice little desert town. It's a small town. It's quaint. Spa. It's a spa. It's a spa city. Honestly, he can go. I mean, I don't care. Damn right he can go. He's the man, isn't he? The man. I am curious to see what he will do because I have left the ball in his court and he knows. We're all going to get laid. Oh, Jay. Jay played that sound effect. I did not play that sound effect. I trust him. I know nothing like that. But I know that guy. And he goes out and he has a great time. And his deal is, you call me at the end of the night. And he, babe, I passed out. You know, a whole thing. And I'm like, you're a father. You're a father. You're a father. I'm home with your infant. Here, by myself. I want to give some credit.
to a young lady on this show named Sienna Farrar for even saying, for even saying, yeah, baby, you can go. If I pulled that move in my home with a four-month-old baby, I wouldn't even ask. I wouldn't even ask because I know the deal. That's why. Are you kidding me? That's why when she goes, well, couldn't you just go for a night? He was like, no, dude. In my opinion. He started this thing out thinking she's going to say no. Yeah. So when she was like saying a night, he was like, oh, yeah, I could do a night. Sure. Yeah. I mean, a night. Sure. Yeah. I will beg of you. I'll beg of you. Don't let him. Don't make him go one night. Let him go for two. He doesn't need to go for two. Let him go for two. Vegas is a one night thing. It's a two night. Too many. Two night. If he goes just. like flies out Saturday, stays the night there, watches the game on Sunday, what will he do? Fly back after the game? He even said, he said, you know what, babe? Actually, I can probably go on Friday night and come home on Saturday and watch the Super Bowl with you. That's a week. Why is that week? Well, then why would you want to meet? Because it's his friend from all the way from Pennsylvania. Give him a weekend. Give him a weekend. Give him two nights. You know what? I'm telling you. It's two nights. But then if he watches the game in Vegas, he'll get tanked and he's not going to want to get on the plane. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know.
I'm telling him he can go. It sounds more like he wants to see his buddy than it's about the game. Yeah. Yeah. He, you know, and that's what I know too, is that, you know, he misses his friends and his friends are his family and I know how much they mean to him and he doesn't get to see him all the time, you know, and he's moved here and stays here for me because this is my bubble. I can let him do this, but I have to say, man, Vegas, you're a good woman. You're a good woman and you're a good wife and you are. That is very trusting and very good of you. Well, we'll see if he goes and how great I feel when he gets back. Well, you know Todd. Todd's not going to do anything stupid. Todd's going to have some alcohol, I think, a little bit of booze. That guy has a great time. There's a potential for him. He knows he's going to have a good time. Crazy things happen. It's not a trust thing. It's just the, am I going to get a call from the cops thing? No, you cannot get in trouble in Vegas. You can't. You can't. I've never been arrested in Vegas. I've been arrested everywhere. He couldn't get in trouble there. His friend Neil is single and, oh, such an instigator. Oh, really? Maybe they get in a fight. It's man time. Maybe they get in a fight. It's man stuff. Stop!
It's man stuff. Maybe they go to a strip club and have a great time. Honestly, I don't even care. Just kidding. He won't. I do. I trust him, but Vegas just makes me nervous. My wife let me go to Vegas for a bachelor party. My best friends, I never get to see. She goes, go, have a ball. Hell to pay when you get back, but go have fun. You better have fun this weekend. That's what I'm worried about. I'm worried that I'm going to let him go. Oh, you're going to be mad. And he's going to come back, and I'm going to be exhausted. Oh, you are. You have work the next day. And I'm going to be like, babe, I haven't done my news. I have to be, you know, and I'm worried about that fight more than anything. I'm telling you, man, listen, I just, I'm in a different stage in life. So for me, it's completely different. I don't have friends from out of town, whatever. Yeah. But, eh, I don't think you have anything to worry about. No, I don't have anything to worry about. I know that, but it's definitely funny the way it came up. Oh, we're such Sally's. You know, my bit is I try to walk in and be like, oh, hey, babe, I'm going to Vegas in July. And she's like, what are you freaking kidding me, you idiot? You're not going anywhere. I'm like, babe. She knows who she married. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And we do. We do. We do that thing where we go.
Hey, babe. I'm just trying to be the bigger person. And I know every day he comes home from work and he comes home. He's there on the weekend. He takes care of the baby, gets it ready every morning. Very involved father. Absolutely. He deserves to do something selfish. It's a man time. It's a man time. And see his boys. It's very important for a guy to have his boys. Very important. Got a question for you, M1s. Maybe he goes for one night, though. Give me two. Question, M1s. Call us with us at 570-1949. If The Mikey Show became a movie and it was a drama. Who would you cast as us? Oh, wow. So what actors and actresses would you pick to play us? Call us. 570-1949. Oh, my. For the air? Not for the air? I don't care. For the air. What would you have done if somebody had walked in? I would have put it away quickly. Oh, my God. Sienna forgot her breast pump. And she has to pump. Yes. It hurts. So she had to go in the bathroom and milk herself.
There's no other way to put it. Why not over the toilet? Shut the door. Because it sprays? Okay. All right. And scene. Didn't need to know. What do you mean? I don't want to know. How do you think it comes out, you weirdos? In a nice, feminine stream. That's what I thought. How is a stream feminine? I don't know, but that just scared me. Oh, gosh. You guys! It's a part of life. It's hysterical. You're over the sink. In the bathroom. If someone came in and was a girl, it wouldn't have been that big of a thing. I had a cup of coffee in here. You could have hooked me up. You guys, it's not a big deal. And I didn't... I had to do it real quick. You just need to get a little bit out so I can calm down. It doesn't hurt. Tina, I disagree. I believe it's a big deal. It's a huge deal. A giant, two huge deals. It's a huge deal. I want to share a story about my mom and dad because they're not listening. My mom, she had five kids. On her fifth kid, my brother, she got engorged. She's having a hard time. She's really skinny, tiny little waist. She's engorged. She goes on a cruise with my dad.
It's going to be okay. She goes on a cruise with my dad. Too late. And, um, engorged. Oh, yeah. Three times. Did I say F word? No, it's not. No, it's not. What she's saying is a part of life. I know, I know. It happens. I know. It's beautiful, Mike. It's a circle of life. So anyway, we'll get past that part. Go ahead, Mufasa. So they go on the cruise or whatever, and she's, like, wearing a... bathing suit and one of those little like wraparound things it's a cruise and they go to the buffet and she's engorged right at the time and they're like my dad says don't make like a big deal about you know don't hang around me and be like oh honey you know I got deals I gotta be closing and stuff like that so you just do your own thing and I'll do mine I'm sure he didn't say it like that but she said she was just like you know doing her thing acting like she's any other like cruise person My dad, new guy he's closing business with is like, check out that floozy over by the fruit store. Look at the fun bags on that hotel. Your dad's like, oh yeah, she's a real hooker.
My dad couldn't. My dad is, like, super old-fashioned, too, and he goes, that's not a floozy. That's my wife. Oh, no, he didn't. That's not a floozy, mister. Now, see here. That's not a floozy, pal. That happens to be my wife. Yeah, my mom was like, I was hanging out all over. And my mom's like, you know, like me. Tiny little person. Yeah, and so when she, yeah, she just happened to be a little over the top at that point. Why? All right. So we asked the question, if you had to recast the Mikey show in a drama, who would you cast as all the different people on the Mikey show? And when Josh from Valley Center, how are you doing? Very good, man. I wanted to participate. It sounded kind of fun. All right. So who would you cast as who? All right, dude. Just for starters, man, have you ever seen Jack Black roll around on his back kicking and screaming? I have. That's Mikey right there, dude. Agreed. Okay. That's great. That's great. Put a goatee on him. Mm-hmm. That's what he said. Woods, don't let your head get too big now, but I was thinking Robert Downey Jr. Yeah. I like it. Robert Downey, like 10 years ago. Yeah, 10 years ago, for sure. I absolutely would.
There you go. Mike and Eddie used to call me Robert Downey Jr. It's a true story. Well, we had a lot of the same habits, too. Okay, anyway. Are you as nervous as I am? I'm really nervous. I'm so nervous. Please don't say anything wrong. Go ahead, Josh. Please. All right. Jay, dude, the guy that played Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Matthew Broderick. There you go. I like it. That's a great choice. That kind of works out for him a little bit. All right. L.O.B. was a little bit harder for me, and I was kind of bouncing around with Sarah Silverman, but I wanted someone a little bit more conservative. and came up with the chick that plays Lois on Family Guy. What? A cartoon? A cartoon. Hey, now, what do you mean? That was great. What about Sienna? Oh, no. There it is. Sienna, that was the hardest one, I think, for me, and I ended up with Wynonna Ryder, but... Oh, yeah. She didn't come around with it. You could do that. Winona Ryder. I can see that. Not bad. He also said it was a drama. You could do a lot worse than Winona Ryder. She's like, no way. Sienna gets the hot chick that you guys talked about yesterday, and I get Lois, a cartoon. I'm talking about making love. Thank you, Josh. M1 Drew from Spring Valley. Hey, how's it going? It's going good. Who do you think?
For Mikey, I would pick Danny DeVito. Oh, wow. Confidence inspired. I've heard it my whole life. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, listen, if you don't know what I look like, just picture Danny DeVito with a shaved head and a goatee. Just a little shorter. Just a little shorter. No, Danny DeVito is way shorter than you. He is. Okay, well, Danny DeVito with some high pumps or something like that. Yeah. There we go. Check. I can see that. And for Woods, I got Matthew McConaughey. Oh, wow. Easy six-pack. So, I'm flattered. So, Danny DeVito. And Matthew McConaughey. World's sexiest man two years in a row. Yep, yep, for sure. Wow, Woods. They get older. They stay the same age. Very fitting. That's right. Considering this morning's event. Fair enough. I got one for Jay. I got Peter Krause. He's the brother from Six Feet Up. Oh, yes. That's a great call. Perfect. Perfect. Mild-mannered. I think he's on a new show called Brothers and Sisters. No. No, Parenthood. Parenthood. Yeah, yeah. He's good. Thank you. And then I got to just twist things up.
Lauren and Sienna will be played by Gwyneth Paltrow. Okay. Oh, nice. I like that. Lauren, for sure. I like it. Me. All right, let's do one more. M1 Mean Gene calling in from Georgia. What do you got, Mean Gene? I can't believe no one has said this yet. What? That was Woodsy Vince Vaughn. Absolutely. Absolutely. Take it. I don't want Danny to be here because I feel like he can do a really good obese Mikey voice. That's right, yes. And we're almost a spitting image of each other. Me and Danny DeVito. Mike, it's not true. Oh, please. Who else? I feel like with Jay, we'd have to do a double. We'd have to do Ben Stiller and Rob Dierdick. One, because he's awkward, but he could also be like an X-rated sports guy. All right. He would have a stunt man. Here you go. Ali Larder for LOD. Ooh.
That's in Resident Evil. Ally Lardy. She was in Friday Night Lights. Yeah. With the whipped cream. Oh, my gosh. She's real. That's a good call. Maybe reenact that. How about Sienna? Oh, save the best for last. Jennifer Aniston. Oh, yes. I believe we didn't get any Lindsay Lohan from Sienna. I know. So, Danny DeVito. Twice. Vince Vaughn. Matthew McConaughey. The hot whipped cream girl. Winona Ryder, Jennifer Aniston, Peter North, the porn star. Peter North. Whatever. Tom Brady. Megan Fox. I'm thinking either Louis Anderson. You know, of course, he'd have to gain a little weight for the role. Oh, my God.
Dom DeLuise. Dom DeLuise. Yeah, we could dig up Dom DeLuise. He could put on a few pounds. Yours would be my Edward James Olmos. Yeah, my pock face is just like his pock face. I would do Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Oh, yeah. That's flattering. Joe Pesci. Who would you say? For yourself. For me? Yes. I don't know. I don't know. Have you heard about them? Not bad. No. George Lopez. That's the problem. That's the problem. Nobody I pick is going to be any better. Cheech Marin. Cheech could be good. No. Tommy Chong? No. You'd have to pick a short actor. Brad Pitt's short. Actually, a lot of them are short. Mel Gibson? In that case, Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt's short. Clearly. Clearly. Wesley Snipes. No, he'd have to be able to be funny. Let's think about that. We should think about it on the air. Yeah. Let's just think about it silently. Let's just think for 20 more minutes. Moment of silence. All right. What else? Erica Strada. Chips. All right. Let's see what else we have. Woods recap. What did you do now? Gosh, I never know. He says, maybe I quit answering the door at my house. The door? The door. He says, every time a guy comes to the door, I end up buying something. Every time. Help me.
He says, yesterday I bought $165 worth of meat. Meat? Filets, baseball fillets, New York strips. Who's coming to your house? The Omaha State guy? Yeah, I've seen the guy with the meat truck. He says, I'm such a sucker. He says, I'm all for buying from someone who knows how to sell. Were you hungry or something? No. I laid on the couch for a minute, and I hear this. Like beating on the door. And I'm like, my first thought, because of what a creep I was before, cops. Cops are at the door. They want to talk to me about something. I didn't do anything, and I know I didn't do anything, so that's why I answered the door. Cops. So I walk out there, and there's a dude standing out front that looks like wavy gravy. He's got a Hawaiian shirt on. He's got long white hair and like a scruff. And I'm like, yeah. He's like, hey, how you doing, man? I'm sorry to bother you. And I look outside, and I see the truck. One of those little trucks. It's got lobsters and steaks on it. I'm like, yeah. Guy wants to sell me something, meat. And I'm like, I'm sitting there thinking. So he starts pitching me, and he's pitching me good. And I'm shooting him down, and he's battling back the rebuttals. And I'm like, no, I really don't like that, that, that. So he starts baking my own package for me, which I love. He's trying to sell me cutlets. I don't want cutlets, but I do love New York Strip. He's asking me these buying questions. I've been in sales so long. And I'm looking at the guy, and I'm evaluating, and I'm like, you just sold me. And I'm in on you because you sold me. And I, he goes,
I go, you know what? I don't really have much dough right now. Payday is like Friday. Why don't you come back Friday and I'll buy some meat from you. He goes, tell you what, give me a check now. I'll make it for – and I'm like, dude, you got it. Went inside, got my checkbook, wrote him a check. I've got – I think I counted last night, 20 really good pieces of meat for $160. Wow. Yeah. And I spend when I go to the store – Another Friday night in Hillcrest. Yeah. Oh, wow. I spend like – I spend $15 to $20 on steaks every time I go to the store. Right. I'll buy two steaks for $20. Yeah. So I have. It's a deal. It's a really good deal. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, well, I won't have to buy meat again forever. Right. And I won't. And it's right delivered to your house. Yeah. And I told them. Now you have a freezer. I do. But we have two fridges. Game gum? Yeah. But you know what? And probably about four months ago, this guy knocks on the door. Hey, man. Listen. This is what I'm doing. Selling. freaking magazines. Spend a hundred bucks there. My wife's like, stop answering the door. Turns out Wood's a Jehovah's Witness now. What happens if Girl Scouts come to your door? Oh, done. Oh yeah, I do that. And see, I'm trying not to eat bad anymore, as bad. If I look out and I see little Girl Scouts outside my door, I'm going to shut the door. I'm pretty sure the Girl Scouts know not to come to Wood's door. I mean, that's a dating pool. Subtle. It's brilliant.
He likes young girls. That's brilliant. Woods likes statutory rape. Woods is a crate. But if anybody needs any meat, come to the kid's house. I guarantee. Did you get lobster? I guarantee. No, next time. In like two months, he's going to go, that's gross. I don't want that anymore. And you throw it out. No, I won't. Kid's got a freezer full of meat. I don't even eat it. What am I, a freezer burned steak? Kid eats meat. All right. You write that down. It's okay. I said yesterday I go, yesterday off the air, yesterday off the air I go, you guys, am I even remotely handsome? And Woods goes, yeah, dude, you're a sharp guy. And Sienna's like, Mike, you are, you have really nice eyes. And what's his name? Jay goes. What's his name? Jay goes. Yesterday I called him Brad. Oh, wow. Yesterday I called him Brad. Jay goes, yeah. He goes, you have a, he goes, I think it's the same thing. He goes, you.
You got really nice eyes, blah, blah, blah. And I go, that's funny. Everybody has said one thing that they were able to dig out. Shut your face. That they were able to dig out. Sienna said you had nice eyes. And I said, you do. They sparkle. You didn't say a word. I said they sparkled. And when I said there was one person that hadn't said anything, she giggled like a school girl. I'm hideous. I think that guy's ever baited a hook. Do you think he knows how to run a trot line? I think that guy's ever mowed his own lawn. On a rider. I think that guy knows where to find rainbow trout. Yeah, I think that guy's ever felt...
A salmon egg between his index finger and thumb. Chances he knows how to clean a rifle. Chances he knows how to clean a trap. Chances he's ever woken up with a woman that wasn't that attractive. Chances he's never dusted off his boots. Chalk that one up to made me laugh hard today. Not as hard as I laughed from earlier today when we played the bit that we recorded yesterday where I was pretending to be 17-year-old Woods. What? Get. That's my favorite voice. I'm only pretending to talk like that because I'm just trying to fit in. You're not allowed to just check out Woods. You can't just go lay over there in that beanbag, buddy.
Maybe I talk about this because I'm trying to make Sienna's younger sister who's 15 years old and really cute think that I'm cool. I mean, I don't have to be cool. If you think I'm cool, I'm cool. I don't care. So I friend requested you. What? It's not that weird. I poked you. You didn't poke back. What's up? What's up? I love it so fast. So we recorded this bit because Waverly actually came by after the show yesterday. Sienna's younger, really cute sister. And she came by the studio yesterday and I asked her if she would be a part of this bit. And she said, yeah. And it came out pretty funny. Oh, what's up? I mean, what's up, lady? Hi. What are you doing? She brought Sienna. It's cool. Hey, Sienna. What are you doing here, Woods? Well, I was just like hanging out and just playing my guitar and like drinking beers and stuff. Like smoking cigarettes. You don't live anywhere near us, though. I know. I thought I'd come over because I was just in the neighborhood and I was like.
I don't know. Just checking out the surf and stuff. How old are you? I don't know. I'm like probably 30. What year were you born in? 75. Hey, I have questions. Do you know when she was born? No, I don't know what year she was born. What are you doing here? I'm just saying hi to Sienna. I just got her to school. I know. I know. I was just saying hi to Sienna. So, hey, Wavy, since you're here and you answered the door. What? I don't live here. This is my parents' house. Why are you going to my parents' house? I didn't know, okay? I was just walking around. Get. I mean. Bye, bye. Bye. You ever just like, no, don't close the door. Wait. Hey. Hang on a second. Why'd you close the door to me? Because you're creeping after my 15-year-old sister. No, I'm not. Get. Then what do you want? I'm trying to ask questions here. What questions do you have? Did you see Killmore Girls last night? What did you say? Did you see Killmore Girls last night? No, I don't watch Killmore Girls. Fine, I was just wondering. How old are you? I'm like three.
Five. What? Fifty something. It doesn't matter. What? We're just friends. I just Facebooked you. That's all. Why are you making a big deal out of it? Because you're outside of my house. Okay. Fine. I just got home from school and you're outside of my house ringing the doorbell. I know, but you're making like a huge deal out of it. Okay. It's a big deal. Okay. One last question. Do you like Glee or what? No, I don't like Glee. I'm a total Glee. Okay. I don't like it either. I don't like it either. I don't like it either. I hate it. I think it's so stupid. I'm sorry. Gosh. It's fine. Don't even worry about it. Oh, you know what? Okay. I have to go. Okay, no, no, wait, wait. I was just going to say, if you don't have to... Okay, sorry. I was just... Okay, one more question. What? Do you like guitar? What? Do I like guitar? Yeah, like, do you like guitar? Yeah, I guess it's okay. I totally like it. I brought mine. Oh, you brought your guitar? Yeah, I wrote this song. I just wanted you to hear it. You wrote a song about me. No, I didn't write a song about you. I just wrote this song. I thought maybe you'd like it because I wrote it. It's called... Oh, God. It's, like, just about my life. It's called Grounded. Okay, let's listen to it. Okay. Don't freak out. I just ride all the time. I'm up late at night just watching stuff on TV. Twilight. This is the part that I like the most. It's like this. Doesn't it suck to be grounded? Doesn't it suck to be grounded when you're 70? Doesn't it suck to be grounded?
My mom is searching me. Doesn't it sound to be grounded? Are you listening, Waverly? To me, Waverly? Are you listening to me? Are you listening? Shoot. What? You're such a creep. Am I? That's a happily married man. I just want to say I love my wife so much. I'm so proud of her. She's going to be a great mom. Oh, boy. I just love her so much. I'm so happy. It's hardly the forum for that. That's right. Emma and Rebecca from Kearney Mason, what was the word of the day? Oh, God, now you're making me. I can't think. Hold on.
Yeah. It was chalk. I was so busy listening to that. That was so funny. Thank you. That's hilarious. You just got yourself dinner for two to Pamplemousse Grill. Oh, thank you. And all you will be responsible for that night is paying for alcohol and tipping your waiter or waitress, okay? Great deal. I appreciate it. Hang online. I could use some alcohol about now. Bottle of something. I can buy some too. And I can get it. I'm old enough. I'm of age. I'm of age, but I wouldn't because that would be concerning. But I won't tell you. I'm saying I could. I'm saying I could if we dated. I can wait for you. Maybe we moved to France, what? Roman Polanski. Holy Toledo. I'm Jerry Lee Lewis. I'm Roman Polanski. The whole bit. That song's going to be my hero all day. R. Kelly. I'm R. Kelly. Hi, I'm R. Kelly. Nice to meet you. Oh, gosh. Such angst. Angst, man. Just angry and just mad at the world. Just dramatic. Just being grounded. It's very relatable for a 35-year-old man. Oh, yeah.
Something tells me I'm going to be grounded for the rest of my life. You're okay. Your wife's very cool. You ever just live over there in perfect land where you don't hit on 15-year-olds? Gosh, what's it like to be perfect and not friend people? There's so much I could say and I just can't do it. When you get nervous, you put sunscreen on. Yeah, and it's gone. Or hand lotion. He does. He does. He puts lotion on. He puts on lotion and he puts stuff on his face. And he turns his hat forward so that Bill blocks his face so he can look down and not make eye contact. It's better than what I feel like he'd rather do. Yeah, it's true. Which is what? Punch me. No, no. There's things that I could say. in instances I could bring up, I just choose not to. It sounds like we're all in big trouble. But Woodsy, if you did change the mood, you'd take it all serious. Yeah, I know. It's just all in fun. Yeah, it's all in fun. It's so fun. He said yesterday that we were going to...
poked the tiger one too many times and then said that he's going to lose it. Someday. Someday. It'll be great radio. Kind of like a woman. He's just like storing up all these things to bring up later. I'm kind of like a woman. No, she didn't mean it like a woman. I do it. It's a good bit. Store it up. I can't store it. I've got a shed full of ammunition. Oh, wow. I do not. I just say it. Oh, I say it, but then I save it for later. I get it out. You got to get it out. Yeah. Sometimes I do, but most of the time I just harbor resentments. That's kind of what I do. A big ship full of resentments. Yeah, just a giant tanker full of resentments. He's got a marina slip down there. It's either going to be a freak out or it's going to be a, I'm really tired of you guys making fun of me. This will be a mad cry. Mad cry is even worse. I'll feel way worse about the mad cry. If and when I do freak out, you just got to let me be for like 20 minutes.
And then I'll apologize. And we'll be all good. Maybe just be a professional. Oh, no. Kidding. Kidding. Kidding. I like poking the tiger. She pokes that tiger. No doubt. Everybody does. Is it Tiger Woods? I don't get it. My last name's Woods. Oh. All right. You want a topic? Yeah, it's a topic. Your wife doing anything to health stuff up? And you think she's getting it by you? She has. I do get it by you. Nothing gets by me. I know turkey meat. Oh, see, I still have to do this challenge. I have to make two turkeys. I mean, two chilies for you guys. One with turkey, one with ground beef. Please do. It's turkey tastes like rubber. Tastes like rubber meat. Kim's gotten tofu by me as chicken before. Oh, boy. That's Phil. She knows how to do it. I would never. Never. And I would know it instantly. I bet you could make it and you wouldn't know. I'll bet you a week's pay. There's no question. I made ground turkey with spaghetti so many times that now he prefers it.
At first he said, how dare you? Now he prefers it. And now I make the gluten-free pasta. Oh, wow. Only one kind tastes okay, and it's the macaroni noodles, and he likes it now. It just has to be cooked right. I've had enough gluten-free and die-free. Some people need the gluten-free. Do they? They've got weed allergies. You both look like you've had enough of it. Boy, they never did before, did they? Back in the day. We didn't know what it was. You know, I've got to tell you something. I started watching a TV show called Mad Men. And it's when men were men. Yeah, they also died at age 60. No, they didn't. My grandfather's all lived to 70. They drank scotch. Sausage. They drank scotch every day. Bacon. Yeah, she tells him in evidence. She goes, there's a bacon and egg sandwich for you for breakfast. And he gets out of bed, blasts up a cig, pours a glass of scotch, goes and eats a bacon and egg sandwich, puts on a suit and tie, grill cream in his hair. Guy goes to work. He's a man. He's not like, oh, babe, I can't have gluten in my sandwich. Come on. And the thing is, is that back then probably what the deal was is that, well, a lot of these guys wouldn't develop problems because they were like, well, you can't. And they just wouldn't. They just don't. You're not a big Sally. They kept it to themselves. I'm sure they had plenty of internal health problems. Some people did. I mean, some people did. But I don't know, man. I look at guys like my old man and I go, you know, he just, he's quiet, different era. How much more of a man is your dad than you?
Well, I will say this. You know what I mean. A man's man. Let me tell you. A man's man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to answer that honestly. I want to answer that honestly. I could very easily say, oh, you know, because it depends on what our definition of a man is. Right. Because I definitely think of my dad as a good man. I mean a man's man. That's what I meant. Oh, yeah. I mean a man's man. He's definitely more of a man's man than I am. My apologies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's definitely more than a man's man. But you know me. I got a big thing about what constitutes a man. Absolutely. Absolutely. And so that's a whole other conversation. Because I believe that there's a lot of little boys that shave. 100%. 100%. And I think our culture now, we don't have the man's man anymore. And he doesn't exist. It is a fleeting little... Dude, I'm the pot calling the kettle black. I'm the same way. I can be a giant Sally, you know? And I wish I was more of the Don Draper from Mad Men, man's man. You do know that Mad Men is a shower. Yes, I know, but it's very accurate to what times were like back then. It's true. Very accurate. I mean, a lot of movies are fictional, but based on the way that things were. It's so rad. And I'm just being honest with you. I wish I were taller, and I wish I were better looking. You were sure a baller.
Shot caller. All that. For sure. I do. But I wish that, but one thing that I can say more than any other time in my life is that I'm more comfortable in my skin now than I've ever been just being me. Because I have gotten to a point now where I, like all the stuff that I tell you guys about myself with the skin products and all that stuff, all that stuff is true. You know, I mean, that's who I really am. It's the true story. Like clothes, you know, there's a lot of Metro things about me. But the truth of the matter is that I consider myself a man, a real man. And I consider myself a real man because I put my wife before myself because I love my boys and I want to raise them into men, not P words. And I want to raise them to be godly and I want to raise them to be strong and I want to raise them to defend the weak. I want to raise them to aim for the middle of the eyes with their fist when somebody hurts their brother. And, you know, so for me, men and women are supposed to be real different.
See, this is something that's real difficult for a lot of ladies to understand. We are supposed to like farts. I've gotten some emails from people from time to time that have called me out and said, isn't that kind of, you know, crass talk from a guy that's supposed to be like you? No, because farts are funny. Yes. Farts are funny. If they weren't babies, wouldn't laugh at them. Right. And they do. Guys are supposed to be guys. We're supposed to be guys. And in a lot of ways, I am the traditional guy. I love to watch men beat the hell out of each other in a sanctioned ring. I enjoy that. I don't enjoy it on Garnett. I don't enjoy it there. It's not sanctioned and I think that it's stupid. But when it's sanctioned and these guys train for it. I love to watch two gladiators get into the ring and go to war. And that's from the most caveman-ish part of who I was born to be. That's who I'm born to be. And conversely, I agree with Woodsy. We've been wussified. Our culture has been wussified. Part of it is the political correct stuff.
The political correct stuff has really wussified a lot of us. Let's see. M1Dchild from Oceanside. Detail, what's up? You've always been a mentor to me, but everything's good in moderation. You didn't see these old cowboys hammered heaven because they're stuck inside their bottle. They're not chain smoking. They want to smoke, they blast the smoke. They want to drink, they have a couple shots. They go to work. You want to sit around and fester. Of course you're going to get fat and unhealthy. And the political correctness thing, 100%, dude. There's nothing wrong with milk. Detail. I agree. I agree, man. He's right. He's right. And if you know what? In 1960, if you were lactose intolerant, you know what you did? You dealt with it. Yeah. Yeah, you went to the bathroom a lot. You just dealt with it. Yeah. You know what? You weren't like, ah.
I can't drink milk. You tutored a couple of times. You tutored a couple of times. You went to the potty. Like a man. You went to the potty like a man. And you sat there with a scotch and a cigarette in the newspaper. You didn't have your laptop in there like I do. You read the New York Times. Meanwhile, me and Woods sit when we pee. Yes. What's happened to me? Woods, give me your movie scene for this. You do it first. I want you to do it first. Will you start it over and do it from the beginning? Because it's better, I think. It has more punch. The things that come to my mind when you say something like that are... Really? Oh, the things that you think... I want to hear scenes. So hit it. Okay, Sienna, you've got to come up with your movie scene for this. It's a girl. She and her boyfriend just got in a really big fight.
And so she runs out of her house and her pool is in her backyard and it's nighttime and it's raining. Oh, I like it. And she's like, oh, I'm so mad and heated. I'm just going to jump in. So she dives in the pool and it's just her swimming. Oh, I like it. I like it. I like it. Dynamite. It's slow motion swimming. You're just swimming under the water in the dark and you see the raindrops. Oh, my God. I like it. Maybe she sinks to the bottom and just sits there for a minute. I like it. Okay, good. They're so random. I have to think about it. It's my turn? Yeah. There's a woman. There's a girl. And she's painfully addicted to drugs. And she's in a place where she shouldn't be. And she's sitting there. She's slumped over. She's got a belt around her arm. Oh, wow. Oh, my gosh. Hold on. Hold on. Hear me out. And her dad is looking for her. And he opens the door. And he sees her sitting there. by herself, one tear, rolling down her face. That's so frightening. Oh, wow. Oh, my gosh. So it's a comedy. Yes. Yes. There you go. It's perfect. That's the most intense scene. Oh, man, that is intense. It's perfect, though. Is it not good? It's good. Yeah, I know. Yeah, it's super intense. I like gritty. Very dramatic. I like gritty. That's super gritty. Anybody else want to try? Sure. All right, Ella B. So a guy walks into a hospital.
Sees the girl that he loves. She's all hooked up to machines and stuff. He comes in, puts his hand on her hand. No response from her. You watch the respirator go up and down. I like it. Up and down. And then they close up on his hand, dropping off of her hand. And he walks out of the hospital. You just see down the tunnel. The hallway? The hallway, yes. And he's walking out the door. That's great. I like that. Wow. It's a very great anatomy. I'm about to cry. I like it. All right. This is very touching. Oh, mine's going to stink. You have to do it. Okay. The girl used to be a stripper, okay? And now she's not. And she's seeing a guy, and he doesn't know. And in addition to being a stripper, she did some other stuff, too. And while they are having lunch, she's recognized by somebody that knows. Because he used to go to those kind of sites. And so he walks up to her and he's like, oh my gosh, candy so-and-so. And she is trying to be cool about it, but her eyes are filling up with tears because she likes this guy. And the guy's confused and he doesn't know who she is and he doesn't know what that is. And he's like...
He's trying to talk to her. And finally, the guy said, you know, he kind of starts to get rude. He's like, I remember seeing your on blah, blah, blah. And this guy that is with her is like, this guy's dissing my girl. And then he finds out what's actually going on. And he kind of flips mentally inside. And he leaves. And the other guy leaves. And she's just sitting there. Cup of cold coffee. Coffee. Just waiting. I've got one. So Jasper and I are taking a road trip. So Jasper and I, we got a flat tire. You ready? Yep. So this girl finally makes a decision that she's going to be with this guy. She just found out that she's finally really in love with him. She gets in her car. It's late at night. It's raining. She's driving, driving, driving. Her car loses control. It goes off the road. And it goes and the car flips and lands in the water.
In the music space, you just see the image of her as the car goes deeper, and you see the headlights still on as the car goes deeper. Oh! Dang! Very good. Very twisted. Okay, now we're going to do something different. Now, I'm going to challenge you. It's got to be a comedy. To this song? Yes. I got it. Woods? There's a gay couple, and it's... They're meeting. I can't do it. I can't do a comedy. I can't do a comedy. I can't do it. I'll do it. I thought I had it, and I didn't. It just went out of my head. There's a guy riding a buffalo really slowly. What? He's riding a buffalo really slow. It's Zach Galifianakis. Zach Galifianakis is on a buffalo, and he's riding it, and you don't really know what the deal is yet. You're like, why is he on a buffalo?
It turns out that he's in a Western and he rides up next to these other guys, but they're like cowboys on horses. And all of a sudden it's like, what are we? Are we going to attack or what are we doing? So we're going to attack. I don't think the song works. I don't think you can do it. I have one. I don't think it can be done. Can't be done. I have one. It's too serious and beautiful. L.O.B. can do it. I can do it. Okay. It's the girl that was in Zack and Miri Make a Porn. Oh, yeah. And in I Love You Man. Yeah, yeah. Slanchik. Love her. And the guy is, let's say, Jim Carrey. Yeah. And he's trying to make a joke and, like, win her over. So he gets behind her knees, like, on all fours. And then has one of his friends tap her shoulder. It's all in slow-mo, by the way. Right. And so instead of her just falling and then laughing about it, she actually falls onto a table and knocks over like all this like glass. Then her hand goes into the glass and she's like holding it up and it's spurting out. Like over dramatically. And then he's like pushing people out of the way. That's why it works. The slow-mo. That's hilarious. It's got to be slow-mo. And he's trying to grab like a tourniquet and just pulling paper towels out of the roll.
I love it. That's brilliant. It's got to be slow-mo. Oh, gosh. That's funny. I could try. I might have one. Is it a comedy? Maybe. It has to be a comedy because we're doing comedies now. Oh, you are? Yeah, we switched it to comedy. Yeah, we were doing drama. We were doing drama. Oh, I didn't realize there was a category because everyone was such a downer and I was like, it's so funny because in my head... Okay, start the song, Mikey. You want to try it? I'm good. I'm ready. Okay, there's a zebra standing. Well, no, it's actually sitting on a mechanical bull. Oh, wow. It's wearing a 10-gallon hat and a bikini and a tutu. It's got a cigarette in one hand. One ball. And a pina colada in the other. And it's just the mechanical bull and a zebra. And like this camera. closes up on the ashes. And then it zooms in on the pina colada spilling. And the bar is full of circus animals. This is my new favorite. This is my new favorite. Bravo. You want to try Sienna? Yeah. Okay. It's been Spawn.
His lifelong dream is to be the ultimate clown. There's one thing he can't do, and that's juggle. He gets hired at a bat mitzvah. A lot of clowns at bat mitzvahs. That's why it's funny. And he spots this girl, and this girl gives him like a wink, like they just have this connection. You can do it. And for whatever reason, he gets this confidence. And he says, I know I can do it. He grabs three little bean bags. And he just starts juggling and juggling and juggling and juggling. I think that works. All the kids at the bar mitzvah are like, go! I love it. I love it. That's awesome. I love it. I love doing scenes. I love that song, too. It's great. Well, Hillary's here. Commentating movies about circus animals. That's right. Hillary, what do you got coming up next? Oh, well, Cage the Elephant, for one. Sounds a lot like the Pixies, but I'll play it for you. Mumford and Sons, some Jane's Addiction, Devo.
Oh, my head hurts. My head hurts. My head hurts from laughing. You said cage the elephant. I pictured the elephant at the bar scene. Yes. And the cage cheering on. Yes. Lovely and talented Hillary's up next. Thank you, Mike. And we will be back tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. The Mikey Show's out late.