The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 01/17/11

0:28Let's do this. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four little children... will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today. So even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up.

1:48Live out the true meaning of its creed. We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal. I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state... sweltering with the heat of injustice sweltering with the heat of oppression be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character I have a dream today I have a dream that one day

3:09In Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers. I have a dream today. Happy Martin Luther King Day. It's Martin Luther King Day, MLK. That's right. Very nice. Powerful words. Greatest speech of all time possible? Possibly. Possibly. Don't know how many people we have listening today because it is a national holiday. And so there may be some people that are off. But for those of you that are working today, we're working and we have a whole lineup for you. We're ready to go. Hoyle will be presenting his original golden voiced.

4:09tapes this morning at 7.30. You know, Ted Williams, the homeless guy, then became famous because of the YouTube clip of him doing the homeless, or excuse me, the golden voice bit. Well, Hoyle says he was first. Of course he says that. Oh my gosh. So we'll hear his tapes coming up a little bit later. Word of the day is Sprite. Okay? Refreshing. The word of the day is Sprite. And so when I say Sprite, between now and 10 a.m., caller number nine, dinner for two at Pamplemousse. Still in the middle of restaurant week. My favorite restaurant in all the land. Such a good restaurant. And you will be able to go on the 21st, 6 p.m. All you're in charge of is gratuity and booze. Okay? You must know you're in charge of gratuity and booze. We'll also throw in a pair of angel or anarchy sunglasses when we give that away. And so get ready for that. Martin Luther King Day. You can call us 570-1949. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. That's Lauren O'Brien, L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And our phone screener today is Will. It's Will. M1 Ninja from Mira Mesa. Yes. Good morning, everyone. Good morning. Good morning. Hope you're feeling better, Sienna. Much. Thank you.

5:30Yeah, I was sick, too. I still kind of am. It's a beating. The whole house is sick at my house. It won't really go away. I feel darn much. Me, too. I know. Just get to sleep a ton. That's all you can do. Anyhow, I was just calling to say Happy New Year and good morning. And I also wanted to ask you if any of you had a chance. I know it was late, so you probably can't say yes. But how did you see the Golden Globes? Oh, we have all your Golden Globes audio coming up here within like five to ten minutes. Well, because you guys, I started laughing so hard by myself because all of a sudden I see Steve Buscemi. And in my head, tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Did Steve Buscemi do that? No, but he looks like the dude. Oh, right, right, right. He does. Someone said that laughing on the air, and now it's like forever in my head. L.O.B. said it was somebody's body with... The Ken doll. The Ken doll. With Steve Buscemi's face. Yeah. So great. The tra-la-la-la deal. That I love so much. Oh, do I love it. It's a Russian singer from 1976 on television in Russia. And I said I love it for so many reasons. And part of the reason I love it is because the guy kind of looks like a living Ken doll. And L.O.B. said, yeah, with Steve Buscemi's face. Identical. Good call. Have you seen the remix of this? Yes. Yes. In fact.

7:00We got to post that. Hey, thank you, Ninja. Love hearing from you. All right. Love you guys. Have a great day. I'll be at work listening. All right, cool. What are you doing? What do you work at? I am an SAT tutor. Oh, wow. I like that. Could have used you about 20 years ago. My siblings probably do need to use you. A teacher. SAT tutor. Yeah, I help kids write essays and help them work on the vocabulary and help them understand when... Things are right and things are wrong. Look at you. It's making a difference. Very nice. Teaching the English language again. Yeah. Very nice. Good for you. Thank you, Ninja. All right. Thank you, guys. All right. We'll see you. I think that's a frustrating gig, working with little kids that are trying to write essays. High school kids. Yeah, high school kids. Well, those are little kids to me. Really? I don't know. What? What? You got something to say? Why don't you have my 15-year-old sister on Facebook again? Really? With this again? We're going to start this? This is how we're going to start the week? They don't even have school today. Most schools. Most schools are off? Yeah, I think most of them. Public ones. Well, congratulations, kids. Enjoy. Enjoy it while it lasts. Sleep in. Oh, we're the playoffs good this weekend, man. Holy cow. A couple of upsets.

8:25A couple of upsets for sure. And, hey, listen, I'm having a Super Bowl party, and next weekend's going to determine whether or not L.O.B. and her BFMC, her boyfriend Matt Commerce, will be there and Sienna. You guys ever just get out of stuff real good? Well, your boyfriend or your husband, Sienna, is he leaving town for sure? He is going to Vegas, but he'll be back for the Super Bowl. Wow. He's going for two nights, you guys. Okay, good. Perfect. That's all I wanted to know. Friday and Saturday night. I said maybe he'd just go for one night, but he's going for two nights, and he's coming back early Sunday morning. Hey, everybody. We're all going to go. He's coming back early on Sunday? He's going to Vegas to be with his friends. Sienna hates when Jay plays out. I wonder why. Oh, no. Hooters, hooters. Yum, yum, yum. Please. I'm more worried about him spending all of our money than I'm looking up with someone. Oh, for sure. Guy likes to gamble. Vegas will get you. Well, if the Steelers are in the Super Bowl, that is both Sienna's husband's favorite team and Lauren O'Brien's boyfriend's favorite team. And so, you know, I get that. They ain't coming. They're watching that. You need your own space. We'll probably be for a half. Yeah. Yeah.

9:38If they go. That's the agreement that we've made. A half? Mm-hmm. That's cool. Well, it was a great weekend, man. If you're a football fan, it was a great weekend. I didn't watch any football. Weird. Check your sack, pal. You're not American. You are. Check your sack. Stay in that room. I was out in the surf. Surf all day. I was out in the surf, guys. Yeah. I'm surfing. First game was... Jasper. Who was the first game? The first game was the... Was it? Was it the Steelers? Yeah, it was Steelers and Baltimore. And then it was Atlanta and Green Bay. Boring. Oh, man. Yeah, I mean... That's the one I really wanted to see. Me too. Really? That's the one I thought was going to be super exciting. Yeah. Not so much. Matty Ice? Not really Matty Ice that night. No. And I called that one wrong. I thought Atlanta was going to win. I say that we just scrap this whole thing and get our $10 back because they're all gone to garbage. I don't think anybody has. I picked the Steelers to win at all. Oh, then you're going to win because both of my teams are already out. Oh. I had Patriots-Falcons. I have Steelers in the final game, but Eagles winning the whole thing. So I'm out. You have Steelers in the Super Bowl? Mm-hmm. Who else is out? I'm out. I'm out. I have no idea. Woods is out.

10:57I said the Super Bowl would be the Patriots and the Falcons. Me too. Oh, wow. Jay had New England and Chicago. Dang. With New England winning the whole thing. So he's out. Yeah, he's out. It's LLB and Siena. Perfect. But I, her, does it matter? She would, because we both had, we had the same exact teams in the final game, but she has the only remaining, well. Can you call the final game the Super Bowl? It's so confusing to me when you keep calling the Super Bowl the final game. She has the Steelers winning the Super Bowl and I have the Eagles winning the Super Bowl. So there's no way that I could beat Sienna. So pretty much. So I've won. Sienna's going to win the whole thing. There it is. Okay. Yeah. You've already won. I won something. She won. She won. We'll have to do the math on this, but I'm pretty sure. I mean, Jay has Chicago in there, so you know what I mean? Yeah. Jay's got a shot. Oh, that's true. So the Baltimore game, Baltimore was, they were dominating Pittsburgh. Dominating. They had a 21-7 lead. Yeah. And I watched them hand that game back to Pittsburgh, and it's third and 19. Game's pretty much over at this point. I mean, they've got to get 19 yards. Roethlisberger throws.

12:1050-yard pass. Oh, my gosh. He was amazing. I was like, oh, my gosh. Did he just hand one away? Yeah, they did. They did hand it away. They did. They had a good chance to win. Oh, they did. We have some pretty compelling audio coming up, too. Oh, yeah, we do. From the Steelers game. I got a clip of Ben Roethlisberger. Tell me that he doesn't sound just like Eminem. He sounds just like Eminem. I used to say, does anybody notice that when Ben Roethlisberger talks, you know, he has this kind of... ghetto affectation. Totally. You know, yo, what's up? Yeah, I was real pleased with how we played. We went out there, we did what we did. I just do what we do. I'm like, are you from Ohio, Ben? That's where I'm from, but we do what we do. We just go out there, we play how we play, you know? It's got to be our game. That's what I'm saying. To be down 21 to 7 and to come back the way we did, showed a bunch of resilient guys staying together and never giving up. Yeah, never giving up. We're never giving up. You can't be giving up, man. Mans, you got to go out. You got to go out there. Plus, mans, you got so many other factors working against you. Like, I have my family's there, man. My mom's is watching and everything. My mom's is there. My grandma's there. Man. I'm like, I ain't going to look like a fool in front of my mom. You've already done that, buddy.

13:33Yeah, a few times. A few times. Allegedly. Allegedly. Ain't nothing been proved, girl. Be running mouth. You can't be saying that unless that stuff's been proved, girl. You can't does what you does. You can't does what you does if it ain't been did. It has to be did, for else you can't be saying it, man. Yeah, they look good, man. They are on a streak. The Falcons did not. Looked good at all. Aaron Rodgers had one of the best games I've ever seen. He looked like a superstar. Superstar, man. Over 300 yards. Ran for two touchdowns. He was a beast. The Bears beat the crap out of the Seahawks. That wasn't even funny. Yeah, I know it. That game was a joke. And then the one that I was waiting for all weekend, and it did not. I can't believe it. It did disappoint. What? The game. The Jets-Patriots. That disappointed you? It was so boring. The first half. I was watching, Jamie goes, my wife Jamie goes, for somebody that's been waiting for this game, you're not really into it that much. I go, because it's lame. Like, nothing was happening. It was three and out punt, three and out punt. It was Brady overthrowing. I mean, it just wasn't that exciting. It wasn't that hard hitting. And then the third and fourth quarter, it was on. I thought that the game was lost for the Patriots when...

14:54Tom Brady threw the interception. Yes. And the reason I say that is because Tom Brady hasn't thrown an interception since Jay was in the Civil War. Yeah. It was week five or week three. Not of this season. Yeah, this season. Are you? No. Positive. Positive. Yeah. And the last interception he threw was a Hail Mary in the end zone before the half. They showed it during the game. I know, but I thought they said that that was during a playoff game last year. No, it wasn't a playoff game. It was a regular season. I think it was week five. It was? Yeah. But he'd gone so many attempts without an interception. And he looked terrible. He got spooked. Yeah, he was. I thought he was going to come out swinging after everything that the Jets and Rex Ryan was saying. He got totally spooked. Give Chubb some credit, man. He got in their head. M1 Nubian Prince from San Diego. Hey, thank you very much. It's Elibi's favorite holiday. That's right. I'm on my way to cheese right now. I put your name down on that hold. You're going where? Chews. Chews. Oh, Chews Fitness, yeah. Chews Fitness. Get a swell on. It's the best gym ever. Nice. Pumping up. Are you going to work out at the Mission Valley one with us? Yes, I signed up. There you go. Nice. That's where we'll be at. I love it. $9.99 for a gym membership at Chews. Be there tomorrow. I'm going to end my work pretty early, so. Atta boy. Go ahead, Newbie and Prince. What else is going on? I'm a family, but I'm just kind of having to count on them. Nice. Nice. It's good to hear. Well, thank you.

16:36Thank you, bro. Love you, pal. We're rooting for you. Thanks for calling, Nubian Prince. We'll see you. 5701949 is the number if you want to call us. Golden Globes got a text from Woodsy. Oh, God. And the text said, because I didn't see any of it. Yeah, weird. I went to bed at 530. Oh, wow. And the text said... 530. 530. Yeah, I did. Oh, my God. The song is still out. People, like, haven't even prepared dinner yet. Just getting home from the beach. It said, this text from Wood said, I'm watching the opening monologue of the Golden Globes and it's making me so uncomfortable. Ricky Gervais was the host and Wood says probably one and done for Ricky Gervais. I would imagine. Yeah, I'd imagine. He crossed the line? Oh, several lines.

17:34Several lines, I thought. I mean, I'm all for edgy humor, but I was like, oh, boy. Let's take a listen. The Golden Globes is a celebration of the best in TV and movies over the last year, voted for by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. It was a big year for 3D movies, Toy Story, Despicable Me, Tron. Seems like everything this year was three-dimensional, except the characters in The Tourist. What's The Tourist? Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp movie. Who are both sitting front row? I was like... They pan to Johnny Depp and he goes... He just looks like... Oh, wow. Deadpan. Deadpan. Deadpan. So his comment is the tourist is just boring and the characters are one-dimensional. I feel bad about that joke. No, I'll tell you why. I'm jumping on the bandwagon because I haven't even seen the tourist. Who has? It must be good, because it's nominated. So shut up, okay? And I'd like to quash this ridiculous rumor going around that the only reason the Taurus was nominated was so the Hollywood Foreign Press could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. That is rubbish. That was a joke, by the way. I think. And no one laughed. I think they were supposed to laugh right there.

18:59The only reason that it was nominated is so that the foreign press could hang out with the two of them dead silent. No, and then he said that was... What did he say? He said something like, no, that wasn't why. I don't know. But I think he was waiting for a laugh. And I'd like to quash this ridiculous rumor going around that the only reason the Taurus was nominated was so the Hollywood foreign press could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. That is rubbish. That is not the only reason. They also accepted bribes. Let's... Yeah, that was... The setup. There's a lot of grumbling. Yeah. I'm so serious. I'm an actor. Some of them were taken to see Cher in concert. How the hell is that a bribe? Really? Do you want to go and see Cher? No. Why not? Because it's not 1975. I thought that was pretty good. Yeah. I thought the whole thing was phenomenal. It was like watching a roast, which is not really what... The Golden Globes. The Golden Globes are back? He was balling. Oh, and hey, that's just the tip of the iceberg. Yeah, I got some more. Let's hear it. Also not nominated, I Love You, Philip Morris, Jim Carrey, and Ewan McGregor, two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay.

20:15So the complete opposite of some famous Scientologist then. Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. That's the one that got me. Oh, that's perfect. Oh, my gosh. I paused and went. Oh, wow. So he's talking about Tom Cruise. And John Travolta. John Travolta. Because saying they're gay. Yes. Oh, my. The whole place was like, oh. That's hilarious. Probably. My lawyers helped me with a wording of that joke. Oh, my God. They're not here. Okay. Oh, wow. My guess is that he didn't care about being invited back, but he just wanted people to know. For the people that have him under the radar, he wanted them to know how funny he was. He's funny. Yeah. Sweaty palms. It made my hands start sweating. It got me. That one got me. I was like, oh, he didn't. I looked at Jamie. She looked at me. We were like. Oh, boy. I think it's great. That is so brave. It's funny. The thing about it is that, I mean, listen, these are, you know, well, Tom Cruise is one of the biggest stars in Hollywood. I mean, just going for it like that. Travolta is, too. Right in the room. Were they there? I didn't see either of them. I think he just said they're not there. No, he was talking about his lawyers, but I didn't see either of them. Oh, man. But, man, it was pretty gnarly. Am I missing anything real good?

21:41I think you are missing one that got me real good. I think there is a little bit of a division in Hollywood between the quote-unquote real actors and the comedians. This? The Hugh Hefner. There's been some great new TV drama this year, like Boardwalk Empire and The Walking Dead. Talking of The Walking Dead, congratulations to Hugh Hefner. who's getting married at the age of 84 to 24-year-old beauty, Crystal Harris. Beauty. When she was asked why she was marrying him, she said because he lied about his age. He told me he was 94. Don't worry. Hold out and just...

22:36Just don't look at it when you touch it. Oh, my God. Holy cow. Oh, man. It killed me. Holy cow. You're right. It sounds like a roast. It was a roast. That's what he did. It was a Hollywood roast. It was a Hollywood roast. I'm all in on it. They show these actors, and they're sitting with other actors, and you can tell that they didn't want to be like that. Right, right, right. Like I would have done. Not very many people can make fun of Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp. You know, no one is secure enough to do that. And he did it and I got to hand it to him. Yeah, especially an actor because you don't want to get blackballed. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. 24-year-old beauty. I think it'll get him, like, maybe some tour dates. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe. In Topeka, Kansas, maybe. No. I would go see him. I would. I would, too. How'd you guys like the, I don't know, 90-degree weather that we had in January over the weekend? Amazing. So good. Pretty nice. You ever get a sunburn in mid-January? Oh, wow. I talked to my mom in New Jersey, and she said it was 25 degrees, but with the wind chill, it felt like 12.

23:40Oh. You're like, oh, what'd you say? Sorry, I'm on the beach. I'm at the beach. I did. I said I feel pretty guilty considering I just came back from the beach because I missed your call. Oh, man. Oh, man. What a weekend. It was so pretty. It was perfect. Beautiful weekend. Beaches were packed. Beaches were. It looked like a summer day. Yeah. We spent two days at the beach. I got zero work done at the house. Well, it was fantastic. It was one of those weekends, man. I mean, where it was just like, you know, you either had to go to the beach, you had to be doing something outside. It was just a great weekend. Okay. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. I have not heard this yet, but just saw this. One of the chicks in the Miss America pageant this weekend did a ventriloquist act. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Okay. So we'll play that when we come back and find out how that's. Tina, what's going on in the news? Well, over the weekend, hundreds of people were rallied and camped out in front of the Mount Soledad Veterans Memorial. Oh, really? It's the cross in La Jolla. I mean, everyone was showing their support trying to keep that cross up because, in case you haven't heard, on January 4th, a U.S. Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that the cross on Mount Soledad is unconstitutional because it conveys a message of, quote, state-endorsed religion. Oh, boy. Ridiculous. Keep it up there. Oh, boy. Also, Mike, you may be interested by this change to Starbucks.

25:43What? This is happening on February 1st in California. Starbucks is adding an even bigger sized cup. Really? Venti is the biggest. Now they're adding the Trenta. It's seven ounces larger than the Venti. The Trenta. The Trenta. Shouldn't that be 30 ounces? Huh? Trenta? In Italian, isn't that 30 ounces? Because Venti is 20 ounces. I think you're overthinking a little bit. Are you? I don't speak Italian. I don't either. Why? It's called a venti, right? Because it's 20 ounces? I don't know. I don't know. I just drink it. I did not know that. Yeah. I'm just pleading the fifth on this whole conversation. Well, the Trento is going to cost 50 cents more than the venti on anything. And here's the glitches that only comes with the iced drinks. Apparently, after tests were done, the people that drink the iced coffee and the iced teas and stuff, they want the bigger size, not like a coffee that's hot. So in California, February 1st. And the rest of the world, it's going to be in May. Okay. Woodsy Sports, what's going on? Well, there's plenty going on, and we're going to get really heavily into some football later in Woods on Sports. But I'm going to tell you, the final four is the New York Jets against the Pittsburgh Steelers, the Green Bay Packers against the Chicago Bears in the NFC Championship game. It's going to be rad. Both games are next Sunday, so we will look forward to those. And then last night, the Lakers lost.

27:03to the Clippers, and Eric Gordon scored 30 points. There was a fight right at the end of the game where five people got ejected, so it was quite a rivalry between these two L.A. teams. The Lakers lose 99-92. Okay, so don't forget Hoyle coming in here at 7.30 to give us his golden-voiced tapes. He says he was the original golden-voiced guy. Chances he did these at his house this weekend. 95. I actually found these tapes. Oh, did you? Okay, we'll see. Yeah, they, they're, I mean, they're not all, they're very raw. Where'd you find them? Boxes. Really? Mommy doesn't throw everything away. Mommy? Are you saying that because Ted Williams called his mom, Mommy? Yes. Okay, that's what I thought. I'm the original. He doesn't have to have everything trademarked, like, oh, he's the only person that can call his mom, Mommy. I can, too. Oh. So he's copying you. Of course he is, Woods. All right. It just gets me that I can't be on top. I can't be in the headlines. I can't be in the news. Well, he's in rehab, so. Yeah. I can go to rehab. Yeah, that's true. I can do anything. Why would you want to? I don't, but I want the notoriety. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. At least he's honest. I should have the notoriety. It's true. You're a talented guy.

28:24Wait until you hear the tapes. I don't even need to hear them. They're good. You don't even have to play them. Yeah, let's not play them. You don't even have to play them if you don't want to. We trust you. Yeah, we trust you. Oh, no. Oh, no. You're going to hear them. And, you know, if I polish them up a little bit. You all right? I'm just choking water. You darn redneck. What's the matter with you? Oh, man. Went down the wrong pipe. Did it? Yes. If you hear these. and you don't like them, I will give you the products that I am endorsing. Oh. I'll give you a box. Perfect. Great. Look forward to that. No, you'll like it, though. Okay. Guaranteed. Okay. We'll see about that. Take your word for it. It's our station manager, Hoyle. A legend. Word of the day is Sprite. When you hear it, Caller 10 gets a Pamplemousse dinner for two. You take care of tip and booze. Okay, so over the weekend, we crowned a new Miss America. It was interesting on a couple of standpoints, on a couple of angles, because number one, she was very young, 17. Very young for a Miss America. Very young for a Miss America. Was her name Taylor? Waverly. Here's the thing. It's one of my favorite names. Yeah, Woods likes... Oh, yeah. I like my wife. She likes his wife. She's 39 years old. Who doesn't? Very sweet and angelic. That's right. Giddy up.

29:54Have you friended Miss America yet, Woods, on Facebook? He liked her fan page. I think he did. Hello. First thing this morning. Was that what you were doing when I came out? No, I was working. Oh. Yeah, I don't think so. We all make you horny, by the way. Just getting my stories together. Oh, yeah. Just thinking about adopting a kid and stuff, you know? Oh, okay. Yeah. Sure. Here's Miss Nebraska being crowned Miss America, 17 years old. Ladies and gentlemen. What? The 90th anniversary, Miss America. Hip hop? Your. Miss America 2011 is Miss Nebraska. Listen to this song. Really, that's what you're going to play? Man, they're really changing it, aren't they? If you don't know, Miss USA is generally about looks, okay? Miss America.

30:55And that pageant system is generally about brains. Hey, listen. Listen. There are going to be people that are angry at me that are like, my daughter is in the Miss USA system and it is not about... Okay, fine. Sorry. She'll be mad at me too. I'm just telling you that the Miss Americas are not always as sexy and whatever as the Miss USA. Miss USA, that's what it's about. So here's Miss Arkansas doing a ventriloquist and yodeling act. Oh, wow. Brace yourself. With some friends performing ventriloquism while singing I Want to Be a Cowboy Sweetheart. Here is... For the first time ever in Miss USA's history. Everyone just sat up in their chair like this. Please, Edie, Miss Arkansas. Weird.

31:57Are you ready? Hit it. We're going to need to isolate a bunch of this. Yeah. And now in the spirit of staying country, I'm going to do my rendition of Brokeback Mountain through a... Oh, my God. She didn't win? It's kind of brilliant. It's kind of not. Because she has a great voice. She does. And she's stepping it up a notch. I can barely tell the difference between the two voices. Yes, you can. 50 notches. You're cowboys. Oh, my gosh. Well, one sounds like she's seeing it through her teeth, and the other one sounds like her. I love it when Tony's teeth are just down together. Look at me. I'm a ventriloquist. I'm a ventriloquist. I'm a ventriloquist. Just listening to this audio, it makes you want to smile with your mouth. Yeah, it does. I'm trying. Here comes the yodel.

33:40I like it. I like it. You think they told the audience, at any time during the pageant, if you want to laugh, just replace it with applause. That's awesome. This is happening. This is happening. You guys, I like it. I like it. She could just be singing like everyone else. She could be throwing batons or whatever they do. I love them. She's doing something different. To be clear, to be clear, I don't like it. I love it. But it's funny. It's funny. It's hysterical. Mikey, you know what I picture? Holy cow. You know what I picture? Mikey's burying his face. I picture her in her little one-bedroom apartment in Arkansas, and she calls her boyfriend over after he's been working, and she's like, I got it. This is what I'm going to do. And she plops him down on the couch and he has to sit there and watch her do this act. And he goes, that's great. Oh, that's so good. I guarantee she's been doing this since she's been like six. Sounds like she just started. The Arkansas champion. Sounds like she just started. I'm all with LME. I think that girl has been doing that since she was four. And the boyfriend's like, well, she's super hot. I mean, she's Miss Arkansas, so I guess I can put up with it.

35:14For your information, come in. I've enjoyed it since I was four years old. Come in, EBW. Eskimo Blue Waters is all upset because she obviously has done yodeling and ventriloquism. That's ridiculous. What's ridiculous about it? That girl was in a pageant. I'm going to issue a cease and desist. Do we? Oh, my God. A cease and desist. She's got the ventriloquism and the yodeling. Yeah. Both of which, excuse me, can I get water? Yes, get a drink of water for crying out loud. Thank you. Both of which have been featured here on FM 94.9 by me, Eskimo Blue Waters. I know it. But you didn't invent it, for crying out loud. No, but everyone was like, oh, that's lame. Nobody will go watch ventriloquism. And now look at this chick. Well, I mean, EBW. What I will tell you is that she went above and beyond because she actually combined the two. And you never did that. So she's kind of an innovator. How about this, EBW? How about the fact that your puppet?

36:14It's not a puppet. It's a dummy. Okay. Your dummy was a sock on your hand. Okay. And named Peanut. Right. And Peanut sounded ridiculous. I mean, in fairness. Oh, Peanut sounded great. I have Peanut with me. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. Please. Sorry, I'm not Miss Rich Arkansas pageant lady. Miss Rich Arkansas pageant lady. Can Peanut yodel like hers? Yeah. Her dummy can? Okay. Oh. Sounds exactly the same. No, it doesn't. And your mouth is moving. The point of ventriloquism, don't move your lips. I'm working on that. You've been working on that a year and a half. I'm talking through my teeth like that broad one. And I... I'm really upset about this. What's next? Is she going to make avocado ice cream? No, she's not because that's a bad idea. You're the one that did that. All right, whatever. I've got a gig anyway. All right, good. I'm out of here. Later. Oh, my God. I wonder if any of the other catty contestants had anything to say. Said anything.

37:53said anything snide backstage. They're like, hey, how about dummy and dummy out there? No, because girls are never... And especially pageant girls. I'm sure they're not rude. You know what, though? She was memorable. She didn't win, but she was memorable. She's cute. Yeah, I posted the video. Oh my gosh, Mom. We just got here. Okay, just listen. I just saw this girl from, I don't know, like Mississippi or something. And she does the creepiest yodeling like a dummy thing. No. So weird, Mom. My gosh. When she does it again, I'm going to play it. I'm going to call you so you can hear it. It's everybody in here is all freaking out and afraid of her. A freighter. Wow. Well, she went for it, didn't she? Wow. Wow. Wow. That was great. Great job. Dino. Great job. Wow. Well, she didn't win. What? Weird. She did not win. She should have. She'll probably end up on Sesame Street or something. Yeah, for sure. She'll be on Ellen. Is it hard to yodel? Yodeling, I think, is probably more difficult than her attempt at ventriloquism.

39:28Yeah. Miss Nebraska on WikiLeaks. Everybody's talking about the WikiLeaks. How do we balance people's right to know with the need for government security? You know, when it came to that situation, it was actually based on espionage, and that when it comes to the security of our nation, we have to focus on security first, and then people's right to know, because it's so important that everybody within our borders is safe. And so we can't let things like that happen, and they must be handled properly. And I think that was the case. Good thing they have the X-Files music on. Not a bad answer. Did she say some porn at one point? At some point. No, I think she said some porn. And some porn, by the way. Yeah, that was a decent answer. Those make me real nervous. She was out of breath. Oh, she's got done yodeling. They practiced them for years. Poising to answer those questions. For sure. So I have...

40:31I proposed something new for my personal trainer because I have a hard time making it to a personal training session. Every single day you're supposed to go, he's like, you guys, I don't want to go. I don't want to go. Why are you looking at me like that, Mike? What? Why are you looking at me like that? Because I know that your judging eyes are going to be the ones that tear through me like a hot knife through butter. I want to know what this new plan is. I texted her. Why not call? Because that would require talking about it. And she would shame him. Of course. I'll read you what I wrote. This is Friday. No. Oh. This was yesterday. Oh, boy. Preemptive strike. Oh, preemptive. Yeah, because she will text me on Sundays and say, trying to make my schedule for the week. Oh, boy. What do you got? She's trying to ruin your Sunday, apparently. So I said, I just had a really awesome thought. I said, it was almost an epiphany. Is it possible for you to send me your available times for the week? I feel pressure, but that would alleviate all of the pressure for me. Does that make sense? Nope.

41:56That was your epiphany? That makes no sense. Yeah, see, my thought is tell me when you're available and maybe I'll come that day. Why have a personal trainer and you're terrified? I know what he's doing. I just figured out what he's doing. What? He'll get the schedule from her and go, none of those times work for me. I'm so sorry. No. Yes. I'm telling you. Why have a personal trainer, Mike? I don't know. Just cancel it if you hate it. You come work out with the kid. I need the pressure to be off of me. He doesn't like pressure. That's the point of the pressure. No, it's not. Their job is to train you. Yes, when you're in the gym. Their job is to push you outside of what you feel like. If you're feeling lazy that day or if you just aren't really sure. If he goes to the gym with you, Woods, you both will just stand there. No, he won't. I work out when I'm at the gym. He'll stand there and watch you. Maybe he'll do that, but I'll be working out. You guys will be doing Hans and Franz. Oh, 100%. We'll do bits, but it'll be fun. This weekend, Rebecca and I were sitting together and as you guys know, and if you're a new listener, you don't know, Rebecca does everything. Yes. I do. I do. Nothing. I do. Yeah. That's a good word for it. You go to work. Pay the bills. I go to work. It's a roof over their head. No big deal. Food on the table. Oh, wow. It's not a big deal. Provide. Just be a provider.

43:18So being a hunter and a gatherer, that's all I do. Right, just out hunting and killing that hunter. That's what I do. She does everything, okay? And so she's sitting next to me, and I'm watching the playoffs. In front of her is a laptop, a phone, and bills, okay? Oh, my God. And she's going for it. And I'm into this game. I mean, I'm studying this game. For work. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. It's your job. Yeah, for work. You need to be able to commentate. Right? We have a sports segment. We're going to talk about it. We need to talk about it. We need to be informed. I mean, what if I wasn't? That would be a... You'd look like an idiot. You would. There'd be egg on your face. So, I'm watching the game intently, and Rebecca says, she goes, earlier you mentioned ordering a pizza. Have you done that? Did you do that yet? And I go, I don't know. I go, I haven't done it. I said, I don't know.

44:20I go, can you order it? Oh, holy crap. My husband does the same thing. Oh, my God. I do the same thing. What? Babe. You know what she said to me? What? She goes. She goes, yeah. As soon as I'm done buying your friend's shower. Not you. Different person. She goes, as soon as I'm done. I'm like. No. She goes, as soon as I'm done buying a shower gift for your barista, then yeah. Barista? I used to have this barista at his house. I used to have a barista at Starbucks that was really nice. And I got a invitation to their shower and we couldn't make it. And so I asked Rebecca, hey, can you send them a gift? It's a polite thing to do. Exactly. Right. And so she goes, actually what she said, I go, can you order the pizza? And she goes.

45:19no, I was thinking maybe you could order the pizza while I'm ordering your barista a shower gift. And I go, and I, and I'm like, oh my God, I feel like two inches tall. And so I'm like, I'm going to be. So about the same height. Right. So you're actually taller. So, so I go, I go, I'm going to engage in some extreme sports right now. And I go, Maybe you can do it. You said it like that? I'm so annoyed. I did it to be funny. I did it to be funny. I go. Not funny? I go. Not funny. I go. Maybe you can do it after you. After I ordered your barista a gift for the salad. But I was... You were smiling. Yeah, I was smiling. And she goes...

46:15Excuse me? Which is the girl version. That's what girls do. You'll never hear a guy go, Excuse me? Guys don't say that to each other. If a guy says something really messed up to another guy, a guy doesn't go, Excuse me? I heard Adam Lambert do that. Adam Lambert would do it. Liberace. Yeah, Liberace. Rock Hudson, I think, used to do it every once in a while. Clay Aiken. But, and I, Cruz. I was like, I had to remember to tell the story because it was a highlight of my weekend. Oh, for sure. That was a highlight? Oh, yeah. If I were her, I would have said, oh, is that what I sound like? Yeah. Is that what you think I sound like? Oh, man. What kind of pizza did you order? Cheese pizza, half onion, half mushroom on one side. And when I first called, I went, I'd like to order pizza. And the girl goes. Mikey? The girl goes, what? And I go, I'd like to order a pizza. And she hung up. And so I called back, and it was a guy. And I said, hi, I'd like to order a pizza. They probably have your name on fire. Mike's doing bits again. I'm impressed that you called, though. Of course. Really? That's impressive. My husband has never called. Really? I don't want to. He gets nervous.

47:42Wow. I don't like making a call either. He's like, he paces. To your defense, I don't know the number of any place. So if Matt was already doing his thing like on the computer, I'd be like, well, he's right there to look up the number and the prices and stuff. So I'd be like, can you, you know, you got the phone right there. I like her to take care of me. Now she would say, really, I don't take care of you? To which I would say, yes, you do. You do everything. I just like, I like her to do all that stuff. I do too. I don't know why. It tastes better. It's easy that way. Pizza tastes better when she takes care of it. Did you pick it up or get it delivered? Delivery. Okay. Who went to the door? I did. Oh, good for you. There you go. You did something. Yeah. I had to put on all my clothes. Oh. That's tip enough for the pizza guy. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. He goes, are you the radio guy? That's what he said. He said, are you the radio guy? What did you say? I said, yes, sir. And he said, oh, yeah, I don't listen anymore. Great. He goes, I have Pandora now. Oh. All right. Thanks for letting me know. Okay. Thanks. You know what? I never eat this pizza. This pizza is disgusting. This pizza disgusts me, but I'm getting it today because somebody put a pistol in my mouth and said that I had to order it. Can you imagine?

49:09So they guarantee, when you first called, they're like, it's radio gag. It's radio gag. Yeah, doing bits. Aren't you that radio hack that orders pizza and gay voice? No, I'm not. My name's Phillip. Actually, this is my home. Should you really be eating this? Are you on a diet? Yeah, yeah. Are you sure? that you want this? I'll give you the receipt you can sign for it, but are you sure? We have salads, too. Is this the best move you can make today? Okay? Yeah. Aren't you a little fat? I've been driving... Do you want the veggie light fare option? I've been driving my wife nuts with the food in my house because I'm like, please don't buy any more snacks. I can't get any fatter. I can't. And I just can't. I might have flipped out at her on Friday or yesterday. I came home and she had bought groceries and I go, really? With the Cool Ranch Doritos. I was like, I thought we said we're going to be healthier. We know that you guys like them. Right. And if they aren't there, then you're going to have a craving that night. And you're like, where's my frito? But the first thing I did, I go, well, if it's here, I'm going to eat it. And I was like mad at her.

50:20Pulled them out and started feasting on them. That's so awesome. I ate terribly this weekend. I ate pretty good. I ate terribly. Round table pizza. By good, I mean a couple brownies, a couple DPs. Real good. Not a dozen, a couple. Not a dozen, a couple. Not every day you see an Oscar winner at the Apple Store, but Woods and I did on Friday. What? Wow. Quite a story. We'll tell you about it next. 25 minutes from now, Hoyle will come in and play you his Golden Voice tapes. Woods and I saw an Oscar winner at the Apple Store on Friday. We'll tell you about it in a second. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's Lauren O'Brien. We call her L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. Our phone screener is Will. It's Will. Will. You guys feeling nice and sprite this morning? Yeah. Feeling good? Not bad for a Monday. So, Woods.

52:08poured water into his keyboard on his Mac. Spilled a little bit of water in there. I reached for the wrong cup to spit in at home. I was working on the show, you know, just diligent, diligent hard worker. Yeah, just blame it on the show. You know? Damaged his computer. We had to go to the Apple store to get it fixed, so we go there. You had to go, Mike? He knows his way around there. I asked him and said, dude, if you come with me, I'll even buy your lunch. You guys are becoming codependent. I think that's true. I will say this. Woods made me laugh so hard in that store that, and this is a true fact, I even said it, my side actually hurt and it like cramped. I was laughing so hard that it started cramping and I went, ow! It hurt. It actually hurt. Oh boy. You guys just, you poor things. Yeah. Well, I had an appointment. I made an appointment for 1130. And this dude, this dude walks in with like Frogger and like Hubert all over his shirt, like some tight t-shirt, skinny jeans. And I was sitting there. It was 1145. And this guy walks up. His name was Ryan. His name was Ryan. He walked into the store and we'd been waiting 10, 15 minutes. This guy walks into the store and they go, Ryan? And boom, he goes right in. Woods goes.

53:25Woods goes, happy birthday, pal. I go, happy birthday, Ryan. Well, I'm sure maybe he went out and got like a coffee and came back. He went to his car to play Halo for 15 minutes and then came back in. They are strict about, you have to have your appointment before they take you. I bet you he came and left. Well, anyway, we're standing there and once they started to deal with Woods' issue, I said, I'm going to go look around. So I'm looking around. Kidney candy store. I know. Literally. Absolutely. Rebecca, did she have to warn you? No coming home with anything. She didn't know. So there I am. I'm looking at something. And very subtly, Woods goes, Mike! Mike! From across the store. Mike! Mike! 75 feet away. Inappropriate? I mean, as loud as it is. Mike! Oh, that's embarrassing. And I look. And he's motioning me. Come here, come here, come here, come here. And I'm like, what is it? What is it? I'm thinking, what is it? What is it? So I go over to him and he goes, oh my gosh. And Richard Dreyfuss. That's, it's your moment. You could have told him. Oh no. You could have told him. Oh no. Do you remember me? I sent you a letter. The letter. For those of you that don't know, Richard Dreyfuss, Richard Dreyfuss used to, for some weird reason, he used to live around the corner from us.

54:49We don't live in fancy Hollywood homes. We live in track homes. My neighborhood's a track community. And he lived there. He likes to keep it simple. He likes to keep it simple. One day my wife was walking around the neighborhood and found a wallet. And it was his wife's wallet. And so she returned it. And when she returned it... Like, Dreyfus and his wife were, like, searching his car in the driveway. He's in a robe, hair all disheveled. And Rebecca walks up and she said, excuse me. She said, did you guys lose a wallet? And he put his hand to his chest very dramatically and went, you're an angel. You're an angel. It was as if. We're pirates. We're fighting one another. And then you came along and saved the day. What? That's what he said to Rebecca. I get it. True story. True story. So Rebecca comes home, tells me this story, and I take a yellow legal pad, and I write him a letter and invite him over for dinner. It took you how many drafts to craft the correct letter? Only one, because I'm too lazy. But I invited him over.

56:13to dinner and I may have said I make an awesome pesto. Wow. What can we have in say after something like that? P.S. if you're allergic to pine nuts I can make something else. Where did you put this letter? I mailed it. I knew his address. So you mailed it to him. It's so creepy. He gets an anonymous letter. On legal. Yeah, legal paper. Scared him to death, I'm sure. Scared him to death. He moved, didn't he? He moved. He just expects you to. Yeah, still lives in the neighborhood because he's at the neighborhood Apple store. You made him move. I did. Yeah. Mikey made him move. No doubt. It played a role. He's like, well.

57:01Well, hon, it's time. That's it. Mexican down the streets now sending me letters. Now this creep knows where we live. We've got to get out of here. He knows what my house is like. This is scarier than when I was in the cage in Jaws. He walked into the store. How fast is a normal human walk? Three miles an hour? He walked in at 55 miles an hour. Arms pumping. Really? Dramatic? He's very dramatic, and he's very animated. He was standing in front of this wall, okay, where there's all these different things, and he's standing in front of the wall, and he's got his hand to his chin, and he's looking at all the things really intently, and there's this Asian guy standing there as well, and the Asian guy does a double take when he sees Dreyfus, and he goes, you live here? That's what he said. He goes, you live here? Out of all words. Out of all the things to say, he goes, you live here? And Dreyfus looks at him, and he goes, what? In the apple chart? Yeah, just like that. He goes, what? This is five feet from Mikey and I. And we are like, ew! Yeah, he goes, what? And he goes, you live here? And he goes, uh-huh. And then he keeps looking at the things for about two more seconds and then walks away from the guy. Wow.

58:08And he goes over to this girl and he goes, and I can't hear what he's saying, but he's so animated, the girl at the Apple store, he's like, the arms are flailing, you know? The poor Asian guy went home and he told his girlfriend, he's like, man, I totally blew it. I blew it. I saw Richard Dreyfuss. Or he's like, Richard Dreyfuss, talk to me. You live here? You live here. Out of everything he could have said. Yeah, Dreyfuss, what? And then he had to repeat himself. He was like, say something else, say something else. I love Mr. Holland's office. He hard-teed him. What? He did. When I saw him walk in, the feeling of elation that came over me, because we've talked about him so much in the show, and I go, Mikey, you've got to say something. And he goes, I can't. I can't. I can't do it. Why, Mike? I'll tell you why. Because of the hard tea that he gave the Asian guys? Before that even, I thought he might go, he might in his head think, I didn't like that. I wish you hadn't done that. Yeah. And then that would ruin it for you. And you could tell. Oh, I already think that. But like, why make it worse on him? You could tell. I haven't done enough damage. Yes, you have. And you could tell he just wanted to shop. Yes. And he did not want to be bothered. Dude, Mr. Holland's opus is in the Apple store. He doesn't want to talk to every fan. What was he buying? Mr. Holland to be.

59:29technical. Mr. Holland. His opus had nothing to do with it. Mr. Holland was looking for some sort of networking device. But I literally, I go, it was this loud. Mike! Mike! Loud. Loud. Because he was over, you know him, he was over looking at some laptop and he was like... Nerding out. Nerding out. Nerding out so bad. Woodsy, you need to get this. You need to get this. Oh, look at this. It's a recipe program. I'm going to get that. Oh my God. It was hysterical. Go with him to the applesauce sometime. It will blow your mind. I love it. See, in my mind, he was at his house in the middle of something and his network went kaput. Yep. And he was like, that's it! Yeah. And like marched into that store. Like, oh, so mad. He marched in. And I bet you the parking was a nightmare. It is. Like it always is. And he was so mad. Yeah. Richard Dreyfuss. It was so great. He was in the middle of writing Opus 2. Yeah. It was so great because we've talked about it. I'm trying to write a screenplay. So great. Oh, man. Get Spielberg on the phone.

1:00:35Last time I went to the Apple store, I pulled up EBW's blog and left it on one of the laptops. Nice. Next time I go, I might open up all Mikey Show pages. Love it. And just do it and leave. Good idea. Viral marketing. Yeah. M1 screenwriter from Temecula, what was the word of the day? 7-Up. That's right. He dinged it anyway. Very nice. When you said M1 screenwriter, I was like, it's Dreyfus. He's on the line. I've been waiting to meet someone famous forever. How do you guys do that? That's awesome. It sounds like Gilbert Gottfried when you do the impressions. Yeah, it does. Maybe on the radio it's that way. Well, maybe it isn't. Maybe you try getting into a cave. Martin! Those tanks are full of compressed air. I'm trying to fight. No, I can't do it. I love you guys. Thank you. Love you. Not bad. Thanks for playing. Martin! Loved him in Jaws. What about Bob? He was so good. Both of them. I couldn't decide which one was the star in that movie. Him or Bill Murray. He's brilliant. He's shorter than Mikey, by the way. What'd you get? I know. It's hard to believe. Santa's husband is a big fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Huge fan.

1:01:59Or Saturday, whenever the game was. Saturday. Woods called. And, you know, just wanted to wish well because the game was going in favor of the Steelers. Right. Woods is on the phone and, as usual, hears Todd screaming in the background. What you're about to hear is a twofer. And the reason I call it a twofer is because you get to hear two things. You get to hear her husband weirding out over the Steelers. Losing his mind. Let me just tell you. He's driving in this car right now, listening. He has no idea. He didn't know? He doesn't know. He didn't know. Wow. He's finding out about it right now. I love you, babe. Wow, Sienna. So you get to hear. No one is safe around Sienna. So true. But the other thing that you get to hear is you get to hear Sienna singing to her four-month-old Sage. Oh, I love it. And I don't know why, but whenever Sienna sings to Sage, she sings like she's lost her hearing. Uh-huh. She loves it. Take a listen. Fumble. This is the highlight. So much better. About to be 39. What's he talking about? Whenever he watches a game when they do well, I have to sit in the same spot all the time. And so he's telling me, you are not moving from that spot. I'm sitting there. I was breastfeeding Sage at the time.

1:03:44He's singing! Oh my god! He's singing it? He's singing it with you. This is the number one hit. Sage loves this song. Holy cow. Do you think that he is on the five right now sinking down into his seat? He's bright red. Oh my god. He's bright red. I love how he goes from... Get in a... That's my sage. That's my sage. That's my little tiny sage. Damn it does. Get a touchdown here, boys. No field goal. Don't need that wussy game crap. Patriots. Oh, I love it. First and goal. Do you notice, by the way? Oh my gosh. What did you call it before? Do you notice that sage is already like, I know. Wow, is he standing? Is he wearing a Steelers jersey? He changed Steelers shirts three times and he changed pants twice. I've done it. You're right.

1:05:28You're right. You're right. There ain't no flag. I'm like, yeah, there is. There ain't no flag there. I can't talk about no flag. Get out of my house, woman. Get out of my house. Ain't no flag on that ground. Get out of here. Oh, you are correct. You're right. You're right. You're right. What a clown. What a chode slam his ass. Get smacko Daddy's a clown. That's it. Say your mama? Wait, mama or mada? I think it's mada. That's what he meant. What the heck?

1:07:23Here we go. Pittsburgh's going to the Super Bowl. Oh, wow. Wait a minute. Did you guys make that up? No, that's one of the songs that the Steelers fans sing. Todd, if you're listening. He's listening, I know. If you're listening, call in. He probably crashed. Hooshmanzada, spray your mama. If I'd have been there, I'd go, doesn't make sense. Doesn't make sense. Oh, I would have died. It's so much better than I thought it would be. Listen to me. If Pittsburgh goes to the Super Bowl, I will pay you guys to come over. I'll pay you. I'll pay you. Pay their way. I'll pay you. I just need to see this. I need to see it. He's a psycho. Call Todd. Call Todd. Call Todd. Call Todd. Oh, wow. Poor guy. I watched the Steelers game with Matt and his two brothers who were all fans, and I thought that they were diehard. That is Die Hard. That's Die Hard. I love it. Die Hard. You can't play my audio back from when I watched Big Game. I'm sure. You can't. I'm sure. Well, there was a lot of bad words. She said she had to cut out a lot. I mean, that was the gold even without the bad words. Yeah, after four hours, that's what she was able to get. I wish Montana Spray. Flacco gets Smacko. Is that him? I'm sure. I think this is him. Oh my gosh.

1:08:48Hushmanzada, spray yo mama. Todd is on the line. Don't hate me. Hi, Todd. Oh, gosh. How's it going? What the heck? I can't believe it. So awesome. You ever just get blindsided in the morning? I had the recorder in my purse. Oh, my God. Driving to work, I'm listening to the replay of me freaking out. Oh, my God. Babe, do you even remember saying that Hushmanzada thing? What did you say for the record? I think I said Hushmanzada. Spray your mama. Spray your mama. Doesn't make any sense, but hey, it's a great insult. It's a great one. Seven or eight beers in, I think. Sounds like it. Some making up phrases. Tell us why you needed to change your shirt three times. Oh, yeah. Well, the first half, we were getting beat, making mistakes left and right, so I went through two shirts in the first half. The second half got the magic outfit on. You'll be wearing that next week and hopefully the week after. They were all Steelers shirts, but for whatever reason, the one he ended up with was the lucky one. I was telling Sienna this morning that I have an autographed Sabathia, CeCe Sabathia baseball, and he was getting rocked in the playoffs. And I took it and I put it up in the kitchen cabinet and left it there. Yankees came back and won that game. To this day.

1:10:06That ball is still in the cabinet. It's not back on my desk where it belongs. Because that's the reason they won. That's the reason they won. Yeah, of course it is. Of course. I like to think that way anyway. Me too. Wow. Todd, can I come watch the game with you guys sometime? That sounded fun. Thank you, Todd. I love you. All right, we'll see you. Wow. I was worried he was going to be mad. No, he's not mad. He knows we're married. That was awesome. Hoyle's original Golden Voice tapes coming up next. Also in Woods on Sports, not sure if you heard the post-game interview with Bart Scott from the Jets, but it's seriously one of the weirdest, most intense interviews ever. It's like what you would hear guys saying that are professional wrestlers. You know? So anyway, we have that coming up, and we'll do both of those for you next. Woods introduced me to this song. Love it. If you've never heard it before and you're wondering what it is, Fleetwood Mac. It's called Bleed to Love Her. Let enough time go by here, or are we going to do this, or what? Hoyle. Wow. Settle down. Just introduce yourself. My name is Hoyle. Hoyle. Hand ready. And you are? Station manager for the cluster here at Lincoln Financial Media at the...

1:12:05Booz Allen Hamilton building right here in San Diego. Shouldn't you have the day off? The rest of our building is off. It's the type of person I am, L.O.B. I work. Garrett told us he wasn't allowed to come in on MLK Day. That's right, because I told him I needed him to take the day off to observe Martin Luther King. And Martin Luther King to you is not somebody who's worthy of an observance? Is that what you're saying? Not true, Woods. I did my own private thing at home. That's none of your business. Oh, you did? As far as you know. So did I. Bottom line is, okay, that was... Wow. Oh, wow. I'm talking about making love. With a black guy. For those that don't know, Lauren has an affinity to black guys. Affinity slash fantasy. Y'all, can I ask you a question? Sure. If you invented the wheel and the credit was given to Albert Einstein, because he invented it. Right. Wouldn't you be upset? Yes. Yeah. If you invented the atomic bomb, but the credit was given to Benjamin Franklin, because he did, would that bother you? Yes. If you invented the Rolls Royce, like Peter North did, the porn star, wouldn't that upset you? Yeah. Kind of like Al Gore with the internet. Right. Right. You know, name is a buzzer, things like that.

1:13:36Al Gore also invented the Jeffersons. Right. Yeah, I would really be upset. That's why I'm upset about the golden voice guy. Ted Williams. He can't invent his voice. No, but he is, oh, look at me. I have these tapes where I did Kraft macaroni and cheese. I have a golden voice. He does have a golden voice. It's unbelievable. Right. So do I. Well, yes, I do. It's a little. Yes, I do. It's a little gray. Yes, I do. It's a little gray. I do, though. Okay. Want to hear it? Of course. I did Kraft Macaroni and Cheese before he did. Oh. Take a listen. All right, cool. We got the effects on my voice? Yeah, we do. All right, let's give it a shot. We're going to do the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese in three, two, one. Here we go. Yes. New Kraft Homestyle Macaroni and Cheese commercial. Ads in the doghouse. Hey, I told y'all that this was not, this was not, this is a outtake. It was a rough cut. In a cave? Okay. Yeah. So I, mistakenly I read that it was a commercial. So did, did you just read what was in the paper? They took what you had and then they edited it later? It was actual scripting. No, right. No, I get it. Did you read the script?

1:15:01And then they just pull stuff and edit it, chop it up, put it to the commercial. Yeah, but I had a whole engineering staff. This was back in Mobile. I had the guy running the music in the background. This was in your home studio? At the radio station, my dear. Well, Kraft Homestyle Macaroni and Cheese is just a thing. Cheesy noodles topped with golden brown breadcrumbs. You love it. Kraft Homestyle Macaroni and Cheese. Cheesy noodles topped with golden brown breadcrumbs. That's good. Nailed it. I think I did. That was great. That was really good. Yeah. Who knew? I only have one more. And this one, this one I actually got the count. That one you did not. They eventually picked somebody else, but I was definitely in the running. Sure. Okay. This one I got. All right, let's do it. What are we doing, Oscar Mayer? Is it Oscar Mayer? Yeah, I got mine fixed. All right, let's do it in three, two, one. Hello there, enjoy a savory 100% pure Angus beef. Can you turn down the harmonica a little bit? Turn down the harmonica. Yeah, that's right. All right. I'm just going to try it again.

1:16:31All right, here we go. Enjoy savory 100% pure Angus B. Franks. Or try delicious hardwood smoked turkey Franks. There's a select variety perfect for everyone. All Oscar Mayer selects are made with back-to-basics ingredients and have no artificial preservatives. See, I did something with my voice. We're talking wiener time. I salute. I salute. I threw that in at the end. I don't know if they'll go for it. I don't think the client would like that. You don't think what? I don't think the client would like the wiener time. It's wiener time. I didn't know. Part of being an artist is you try things, you throw things at the wall if it sticks. You improvise. Holy crap. You got that? You landed that one? I got that one. It was only aired in Alabama, I'm guessing. In Mobile. Only in Mobile. Local CW. Local CW. Sunday mornings. I loved it, man. I loved it. The thing about it is that I wanted them to change the whole

1:17:53you know, slogan to, it's Wienertown. Well, of course. Oh, time. I thought you said it's Wienertown. That would be ridiculous. I couldn't understand that. She's like, where's this Wienertown to speak up? I gotta get there. Is that on Google Maps? Yeah. Hoyle, that was, you're a talented dude. Yeah. One thing I want to know is why haven't we heard, you've been here, what, about a year? Mm-hmm. Right when we started. Yeah. Allegedly. Why haven't you done anything for KBZT? They haven't asked, but as soon as they do, I will do it. Is that the hope of putting these tapes, leaking these tapes? Yeah, well, it's kind of an audition. But the problem is, too, is that my rate is very high. What do you charge? $1,000 a page. Wow. Relax. We were talking about this the other day, and some of the top voiceover people in the country get, what, 500? 350 or something like that? 350 to 500. And you're 1,000. That's because my voice is very unique. That's true. So like next year, could we possibly hear you doing the Holiday Hootenanny? It's very possible. Very possible? A lot of people compare my voice to Darth Vader's. Oh, no. Wow. There's no similarities at all. Zero. Zero percent. Kind of Ross Perot. Yeah. I hear a little bit of that. George Bush. Yeah. I get...

1:19:19The black dude from the Green Mile a lot. Coffey? John Coffey? John Coffey. No. People tell me I sound like him. No. People tell me I sound a lot like Darth Vader. And some people say Edward James Olmos. Well, that one I kind of see. No. I don't think anyone's ever told you that, actually. Gilbert Gottfried? I think you're just lying. No one's ever said Gilbert Gottfried. No one? No. No. But I do. I used to do six lines. For women. What? They'd call in, and I'd say, hey, baby, how you doing? What you wearing? Hoyle! Hoyle! Hanratty, you're a creep. Sexy voice. When you got it, flaunt it. Oh, wow. I'd love to hear some of those comments. Yeah, me too. I didn't make it long. Why not? Are you wearing a flannel knockout? I was let go. Do you like moonshine, too? Your mom home. Are you being inappropriate? Y'all just gonna make jokes all day? Yeah, literally. I'll find some of those tapes. Oh, I would love it. You ladies better put on the seatbelt nice and tight that day. I guess so. Why'd you get fired? I made inappropriate comments. That's what you're supposed to do, though. How inappropriate can you get to get fired? I call people racial slurs that they weren't actually of that race. Wow. You can't do that. I didn't know. Wow. Were you trying to be funny? You're in the moment.

1:20:42Oh, I thought it was, you know, dirty and just getting crazy. And I said weird stuff. And my boss pulled me and he said, Henry, can I talk to you for a minute? I said, yeah, sure. Back to the office. And he said, were you using racial slurs on the line there? And I said, yes, sir. And he said, well, you can't do that. And I said, oh, it's all right. They weren't really that race. Oh, my God. Doesn't make it right. Yeah. Doesn't make it right. He said, well, first of all, how would you know? And second of all, you can't do that. You're fired. Wow. Harsh. So anyway, I thought it was a lesson learned. Another notch on the belt, I guess. Another notch on the belt. Another feather in your beret, pal. Yeah. Let's see. Did you guys know? Did you guys know that? The guy that sings the national anthem at Chicago Blackhawks hockey games is the same guy. He sings them every home game. And he was the guy that sang the national anthem yesterday for the Bears-Seahawks game. And we turned it on right when that was going on. My wife goes, oh, wow. Opera guy, I guess. Please stand and remove your hats to honor America.

1:22:06with the presentation of our nation's flag. Performing today's national anthem from the Chicago Blackhawks, please welcome Jim Cornelison. Belting it out, isn't he? Yeah, he is. It reminds me of when Leslie Nielsen did that in Naked Gun. It's supposed to be Enrico Palazzo. The blood vessels bursting. Yeah. That was his pants button. His best buttons. They love it. Yeah, they love it. They all know him. Beloved figure in Chicago. That's who I once was. I'll tell you what. Do a little Woods on Sports. Find out about that player we told you about. Bart Scott. Hey, Woods on Sports is brought to you by Frank's Red Hot. Well, we talked a little bit about it in the open. It was the NFL playoffs.

1:24:22This past weekend. And now there are four. The four remaining teams. So your AFC championship game is going to be on Sunday. And it's going to be at 3.30 our time. It's going to be the New York Jets taking on the Pittsburgh Steelers. Dynamite match. Dynamite. Two teams that just look the same. Both hard hitting. Great defense. Offenses are getting the job done right now. In Pittsburgh. In Pittsburgh. 3.30 hour time. Then the NFC Championship Game 2, Green Bay at Chicago. And that's going to be at noon here on Sunday. And it's going to be, that's another great matchup. Old, old bitter rivalry. So the Pittsburgh Steelers did, they played great. I mean, and they fell behind and they came back and they won the game. Here, we played it earlier, but I want to play it again. It's Ben Roethlisberger sounding a lot like Eminem. Cut one. To be down. 21-7, and to come back the way we did, showed a bunch of resilient guys staying together and never giving up. That's right, man. We be resilient. You got to go out there and do us what you do. That's right. That's right. And nobody had a better game this weekend than Aaron Rodgers, the quarterback for the Packers, really came through and just looked phenomenal, man. Over 300 yards. They whipped up on the Falcons, 48-21. Here he is, pretty deadpan after the game. No big deal. Cut to.

1:25:47Yeah, this probably was my best performance. I think, you know, at the stage that we were on and the importance of this game, it was a good night. Yeah, to say the least, my friend. And Jay Cutler threw for two touchdowns, also ran for two touchdowns. Captain Dumbface got it done in Chicago, 35-24. What? Over the Seahawks. I don't like it when you tell me. I don't care. Very mean. It's not mean. He looks like he has Dumbface. Mouth wide open. Mouth wide open. He does. He's a tool. But he won. He played very well. I'll be different. I'll just be the same when it comes to Jay Cutler because I don't like that guy. He's a punk. And the game that everybody was waiting for, the Jets and the Patriots. And I put on Facebook, great, another week of Rex Ryan's mouth we're going to have to listen to. Hey, the guy, they backed it up, man. They talked the talk. They walked the walk. They went in there and they... They whipped up on the Patriots pretty well, man. It was a close game at the end, but it was one of those games the score doesn't really dictate how much the Patriots got outplayed. Tom Brady did not look like himself. They weren't taking shots down the field. They didn't look great at all, and Mark Sanchez started really slow as usual, made some phenomenal throws towards the end of the game. Here is Coach Rex Ryan talking about his bunch. Cut four. We came here for a reason. We said that we believe when maybe...

1:27:12Maybe everybody else never believed this or whatever, but we believed. We worked too hard to get back here. We came here for a reason. We thought we were the better team. Now, clearly that Monday night game, we weren't. They were clearly head and shoulders better than we were, but I knew that if we applied ourselves. And we played the way we were capable of playing. We could beat them. And that's exactly what happened. So we're moving on. Same old Jets going to the AFC championship game two years in a row. The only difference is we plan on winning this one. Feet, feet, feet, feet. Oh, am I done? He just wanted to say a step ahead of the competition. Yeah, we're a step ahead, one by foot. One leg up. Yeah, we got a leg up. Toe to toe. Toe to toe. Dr. Scholes. This is pretty interesting. So Wes Welker, he made some of the same jokes we've been making about Rex Ryan on his feet. Well, Welker got benched for the first series of the game, which I thought was pretty interesting by Belichick, just basically saying, hey, we're not going to tolerate the trash talk. Well, Bart Scott on the other side of the field was really mad, and he was really mad at Wes Welker, and he was really mad at the Patriots. He didn't like those guys at all. This is his post-game interview. Listen to this lunatic.

1:28:28Especially you, Tom Jackson. Way to have our back, Keyshawn. Tom Jackson and Keyshawn Johnson from the ESPN pregame show. Anybody can be beat. Felt great. Poetic justice. We know we were a much better team than we came up and represented ourselves. And we were pissed off. We was ready to come back and show us what kind of defense, what type of team this was, what kind of character we had. We take a lot of slack. People gave us no chance. We barely made it in playoffs. We're a good football team. It looks like this team played with anger all day. Why, Bart? Yeah, absolutely. You non-believers disrespect us, talk crap about the defense, like we ain't the third best defense in the league. All we hear is about their defense. They can't stop a nosebleed. 25th in the league, and we don't want to get disrespectful. Ripped off the shirt.

1:29:28See you in Pittsburgh. Can't wait. Hey, you ever get so up for a game that maybe next week's a little bit of a letdown? I mean, I'm not a Steeler fan either, but I think the Steelers should take it to the Jets. And, of course, I said the Patriots would too, as did everybody. But Bart Scott was fired up out there. I'm glad that the Jets won because now the Steelers will be at home against them. And it's, to me, I think the easier team for them. I think so, too. But now they're going to just trash talk for the next week. This is something to talk about. I heard him doing all that. I'm like. Why are you yelling? Why are you screaming? You're screaming, Bart. You won. The thing that's so funny about it is that the Jets, they froth themselves up. Yes. They act as if it was the other team that did this. The world against them. Right. And it's like, you know no one's against you. Right. Your coach is the one stirring the pot. You ever just create froth? You ever just create your own bulletin board material?

1:30:26You ever just stick your own pot underneath that espresso maker and add steam to it? Absolutely. But next weekend is going to be a phenomenal weekend of football. And then the Super Bowl is going to be Sunday, February 6th. There you go. That's what's on sports. There it is. I'll throw this email out there. And if it sticks, it does. If it doesn't, okay. Mikey, I need your help. Yesterday, I came home from work only to find my 14-year-old son holding my husband's gun in our living room. Now, to his defense, there were no bullets in the gun. My husband keeps them locked up in our safe. But regardless, I'm still furious just at the sight of seeing my little boy holding a gun. I told my husband it's time to get rid of the gun, but he doesn't see a problem with it. He thinks since the bullets are locked up, it raises no concern. Am I being paranoid? M1 Dove. I'm a gun owner.

1:31:28Guns don't belong just hanging out. They don't belong just hanging out, regardless of whether or not they're loaded. You have a gun, your 14-year-old shouldn't be playing around with it. Just because there's no ammunition doesn't mean that that gun can't get loaded. Somebody else in the neighborhood, one of his friends, whatever, have ammunition. So you keep the gun someplace safe. I've seen guns on display and stuff, and they never really bothered me. I mean, as long as there's no bullets. Never know. 14-year-olds should know better, too. You just don't get the gun out to show it and play around with it. Yeah, she says seeing my little boy holding the gun. Well, a 14-year-old, he's not a little boy. In her eyes. But you're a little boy to your mom, and you're 40 years old. He's about to be able to drive. It's true. You should definitely be able to twirl guns in the house then. No, I mean, you lock it away. If you're going to have it on display like that, there should be some sort of...

1:32:24education that the kid has to go through to realize that it's not a toy. It's not on display to just be like, oh, look at this. And play around with it. In Texas? I mean, Woods, I know my family's from there, and any house, it seems like there's guns out. Our guns were always in the closet. I mean, just right there. And the ammo was there, too. But you know what? You touched the gun, your arms were broken. Oh, wow. That's a little extreme. That's extreme. It's extreme. We weren't the typical Texas family. We didn't have guns. in my house ever, ever. No, never. We don't shoot defensive animals. But, you know, it just wasn't our thing. We played a lot of golf. We did, for the record, shoot defenses animals. We did not. We did, too. We ate them. We bought our groceries at the store. We went to Albertsons a lot. They had a Kroger. We'd go hit Kroger from time to time and pick up some meat. We sometimes would hunt because the state actually encouraged it so that the animals wouldn't overpopulate and kill themselves in starvation. Absolutely. I guess woods is for starving animals. You know what, though? You know what, though? You know what, though? What? You know what, though?

1:33:30I'm just going to keep saying, you know what? You should give them a rifle and see how it goes. We did. It was fun. You know what's funny? Picturing Cinderella in full outfit hunting. Why is that funny? This band. Oh, Cinderella. Cinderella. No, I'm talking this band. Cinderella hunting. Just get a visual of that. Hairspray, the whole bit. Snow White with a bow and arrow. Oh, boy. Let's do Woods of Wisdom. Call us right now if you have a question for Woods and Woods of Wisdom. 570-1949. Looking for somebody to do your business cards? Check out createyourdesignonline.com. Our boy Jared is amazing. And he doesn't just do that. He does high-end graphic stuff. It's really good. Check him out. createyourdesignonline.com. Welcome back to the Mikey Show. Let's do a little bit of this. Woods of Wisdom. Get the sucker going. If you go to MikeyShow.com, you're going to see Woods of Wisdom there. And if you click on that, you can write Woods a question. You can also call 570-1949 if you would like to ask a question of Woods. He's our guy's guy, and he answers questions that are guy-like. So it could be about stuff guys wear, or it could be about girls, or it could be about whatever. Painting toenails. Yeah, it could be.

1:35:50In fact, today is day three of Woods' toenails being painted. I lost a bet and painted his toenails. I painted them for him. But I'm an old woman. That's right. If you don't believe me, just go to our fan page and you can see it. It should be up now. Very dainty, pretty feet I have. That's right. Not. Yeah, not so dainty. Facebook.com slash Mikey Show to see the pictures of Woods' painted feet. They're hideous. Yeah, they are. They're two different colors. His little toes don't count as toenails. That's true. You ready? I'm ready. Fire away. First question for you, Woodsy, is, Woods, would you put a limit on a first date budget and one favorhood? I think for a first date, that's the date when you really, hey, it's your sales pitch. Okay, so you're going to put a limit on a sales pitch? No, you don't put a limit on it. I mean, you don't fly her to San Francisco. I mean, you're not a pretty woman or anything. Why not? I mean, spare no expense at dinner. And if she wants lobster, you get her lobster, and you just suck it up, and hopefully it pays off for you, if you know what I mean. Oh, wow. 5701949 is our number if you want to ask Woodsy a question. Woodsy, I want my ex back, but I cheated on her, and she thinks everything I say is a lie. Have you ever had that happen, and what can I do? I want this girl back bad. M1 Justin.

1:37:12I have had that happen before, M1 Justin. I've had it both ways, actually. Yeah. Children. Children. We're like seven-year-olds. At any rate. We always say on this show that trust is like a bank account. Sure. And you've got to make deposits. Now, if she doesn't want anything to do with you and she doesn't want to talk to you even, Pretty much SOL, pal. There's nothing you can do. I mean, there's literally nothing you can do. If you're still talking to her and trying to win her back, so to speak, you got to make more deposits in that account, man. And you got to make sure that you never do it again. What's funny? Deposits. Yeah, that's a bit. Early withdrawal. Oh my gosh, Jay. I just don't want to get penalized. Keep going. I was liking what you were saying. I'm saying that if she's talking to you and you are trying to work it out, it can be done. It absolutely can be done. People do make mistakes. Hey, it's be different, not be perfect. People are not perfect. People can make mistakes. A lot of times in the infancy of a relationship, you're not really sure how it's going. Things may happen. What? It sounds like you're making excuses for cheating. Have you ever cheated on anybody? Yes. Okay.

1:38:35Enough said. Everybody, it's happened. You know what I don't do? What? I don't go, hey, look, you know, early on in the relationship, blah, blah, blah. No, I'm saying things happen is what I'm saying. People make mistakes. If it was early on, it could have been after years and years and years. Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You guys are missing the point. You're missing the point entirely. You were defending it. But wait, talk about what kind of deposits he can make. I'm not defending it. I'm saying people F up, dude. People make mistakes. Yeah. Oh, my God. People do F up, yes. They do. They make mistakes. How can he win? What kind of deposits? Grand gestures. Grand gestures. Absolutely. And really try to live your life honestly because if you're living your life honestly, it's going to translate into how you are towards other people. If you're living a lie, a lot of times, that's just kind of the person you are. Believe me. I know. I've done it a long time. And once you start living the right way. good things start happening to you and right things start happening to you. M1 Quincy from PB. Are you there, Quincy? Hi. Yeah. Hi. Go ahead. You're on the air. Fire away. Well, okay. My boyfriend thinks that I am crazy because I don't believe the story that he gave me about where he was at last night. Oh. Well, I've been there too.

1:39:59Didn't come home. Oh, boy. Wow. All night? Just all night. Oh. Mm-hmm. It says that they were just playing video games and then passed out. It happens. It happens. Yeah. Those video games can be pretty exhausting. Yeah. Yeah. Really? Probably drinking, too. Now, he said passed out, which means that would lead me to imply that they had some cocktails, no? Had they had cocktails? I guess he said they had a couple of beers. Oh. Is that right? You guys had a couple of beers? He's there. What's his name? What's his name? What's his name? Nick. Can I talk to him? Yeah, Nick. Hello? Hi, Nick. Hi, Nick. How are you? Pretty good. How are you? Good. You did not come home last night. No, I didn't. Because you're at your friend's house. Yeah, I was at my friend Kevin's house. and we ordered some Chinese food, like a few beers apiece, and I passed out right in the chair. You passed out in the chair? Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. I am going to turn this over to our own little private eye.

1:41:33Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as L.O.B. Wow, really? I get to do this? I can see the wheels turning over there already. I saw her face and I'm like, yeah. As soon as I saw her face, I'm like, she's talking to him. I was tapping on my cheek. I am going to let L.O.B. ask you a couple of questions, Nick. Yeah, I think I should defer on this one because, you know, I'm like, yeah, it happens all the time. L.O.B.? Yep. Go ahead. You ready, Nick? All right. Okay. So, you said that you had some Chinese food? Yeah. What'd you order? Well, we just ordered takeout. We had it delivered in. You got it delivered. What'd you have? I had general chicken. General. Sounds very general. And I... He had, I don't know, Kung Pao chicken maybe. It almost doesn't seem fair. It doesn't seem fair. Nick, I just, I need to let you know this. She's a professional, okay? She's done this before with boyfriends. Yep. And I just want to let you know that you better strap in tight. Yes, don't hold anything back. And you had some drinks too? Yeah.

1:42:56He had a six-pack. Of? And we just split that. Six-pack of what? Bud Light. Okay. It's just the two of you. Yeah. So you had how many of those? Would you say half of them? Oh, yeah. I had three of them, and he had the other three. So you're about how tall? How much do you weigh? Oh, my God. I'm six feet tall and, I don't know, like 100. 90-ish, I think. So you wouldn't pass out from three beers, right? No, no. What was your, you played Call of Duty? Yeah. Do you have a name that you have on there? Yeah. Did you win? What? Did you win? Well, sometimes, yeah. Nick, are we talking about last night? Who won? You or Kevin or some guy in Wisconsin?

1:43:58You're a dead man. He's dead. Nick? Specific Nick. Nick, you there? Yeah, what was the question? Who won last night? Well, I mean, we were, Kevin and I, we were online. We played on a team together. I mean, most of the time, we did pretty good. There were a couple times that weren't so great, but we were just, you know. Just a couple guys being done. Yeah, you know, having beer, shooting people online. Yeah. That's all it was. Eventually, we just both kind of fell asleep. I guess. When I woke up, he was asleep on the couch. Were you just on the floor with the controller in your hand? No, I was in Lazy Boy. Oh, okay. What time did you guys start playing? We heard food at like 9.30. We probably started playing like

1:45:01around 10 30 i guess and um did you have your phone with you uh yeah but but to be fair it was it was we ordered we from his phone because mine was dead oh yeah what time did you got what time when would you say the last time you charged your phone that day was uh it would have been it would have been yesterday morning i usually leave it on I usually charge it overnight, and I didn't think about charging it at all during the day. When I went out, I mean, I guess I just wasn't even thinking about it. But, yeah, I mean, when we went to order the food, I was going to be the one who did it, who made the call. And then my phone was dead. So Kevin's phone was working. Do you think maybe you should give Quincy, like, a heads up? Like, hey, might not make it home tonight. My phone's dead. Phone's dead. I don't remember her number. Oh, okay. There you go. You don't remember her number. I've seen a lot of people, though. Do you pass out a lot on Sunday nights? I wouldn't say a lot, no. But it's something that you have done? I have planned on staying pretty late. I mean, Quincy knew that. But I didn't mean to fall asleep. It just kind of happened. So you guys, you got back from the Chinese restaurant around what time? Well, we ordered. We didn't carry out.

1:46:33or delivery. So we never even left Kevin's house. They delivered it to us. Yeah. It must have been a cool Chinese place to be open at, what, 9 o'clock on a Sunday night? Because most places close pretty early. They're open until 10 o'clock. So we got them right at the last half hour or so. So here's a defense we all have. Open until 10 o'clock. Wow. Well, I'll tell you what. You've gone through a pretty heavy interrogation. Yeah. Through our very own interrogator. What do you think? I would have to say I believe him. You do? Yeah. You do believe him? Unless... If he could maybe give me the number of that Chinese place just so I could check the hours. Oh, my God. So if you could maybe just tell her. They probably have a receipt. Yeah. If you have a receipt or something like that. Yeah, who paid? Would you really do that to a boyfriend? You'd ask for a receipt. Well, I'm not Nick's girlfriend, so I could do that. And I would maybe check out. Just see.

1:47:44What kind of place? Because it's just weird because Sunday night around me, it's like, man, if I don't get my order in by 8 o'clock, it's like I'm kind of up a creek without a paddle. Oh, you got to see her. You got to see her. I'd be terrified. I'd be terrified. I'd be terrified. It's the only hole I find in his door. You know who wouldn't be terrified? A guy that hasn't done anything wrong. A guy that came home. He sounded pretty composed. He stayed on the phone. I mean, that's impressive. I would say he sounded pretty composed. Nick, can we talk to Quincy? I got a second. Hello? Quincy, what do you, I don't know, L-O-B? I put him through the ringer, Quincy, and I feel like maybe get the name of the Chinese restaurant. Other than that, I believe him. Really? Yes. Hey, Jay. I don't like his general chicken answer. It's a very general, safe answer. 9 o'clock, Sunday night. Yeah. We deliver. I can see it happening. We deliver. I can see it happening. 100%. You guys know me. My phone dies all the time. All the time. But I, since I've been married, have not done the stay out all night bit. Never. I've told her, hey, I'm crashing here or there, and she doesn't even like that bit.

1:49:02It's just weird that you would be playing video games at somebody's house and drinking beers and you know your girlfriend might be the type of human being that wonders where you are. Well, she's a woman, right? You don't come home. And you're like, you know what? Maybe I'll just take it to the house. Well, I could see maybe. I mean, I, in fact, actually did pass out on my couch last night because I had gone out on Saturday. Yeah. Don't usually go out. And I was tired. So I did. And I didn't have anything to drink or anything. I did actually. Now, I wasn't in the presence of somebody else playing video games and eating Chinese food. But I could see how maybe you could get tired enough. General chow fills you up. General chicken something. General chow chicken. Kung, pow. Whatever it is. Maybe you know what you had. Quincy, I guess it's up to you. to figure out what you got to figure out. Thank you for the call. Thanks. Maybe next Sunday you order from there and place that order at 9, 930. Let's just see how willing they are to make that delivery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a good idea. All right, thanks. Thank you, Quincy. Thank you. Good luck. Man. I got a text that says,

1:50:16Mikey, can you please make this an L.O.B. bit from now on? This is great, yet skeevy. Yes, very skeevy. My skin's crawling. I'm a girl, and I was scared by that. Yeah, it's scary. Oh, gosh. L.O.B. knows not just what to ask, but how to ask. How to ask it is the key. Yeah. I like how you snuck in. So when you went to pick up the Chinese food. Oh, she tried to catch him. When did you get home from the restaurant? I really was. He's like, well, we ordered it. Oh, God. L.O.B., have you ever got someone in the middle of something? I don't think I ever have. No? That surprises me. It does me, too. No. If somebody's dating L.O.B., they should just give up. I think that that is kind of what happens. They should just go, all right, all right, all right. She wears them down. It usually happens on, like, the third or fourth question. Woods and I have talked about this, though, before. We don't do anything wrong, but when our wives ask us questions, it just makes me feel like I've done something wrong. Every single time. How was lunch? I'm sleeping with a girl. Yeah, I'm fine. You got me. No, it's still. And it's this guilty conscience that you have from a former life of being a dirtbag or somewhat of a dirtbag. And like I said the other day, I was asleep on my couch. I hear on my front door. I'm like, cops are here. I have done nothing wrong. And I mean nothing. And I'm like, great.

1:51:42Going to jail. It was a meat salesman. It's a guy selling meat. A guy selling meat. 5701949. Maybe we do the incorporator and the interrogator. Oh my gosh. And it could work both ways. Put the interrogator in as the incorporator? No. No. That's overwhelming. Yeah, that just hurt my head. I couldn't figure out what that meant. It was too much. I'll just take it to the house. You guys ever just shoot down my ideas? Rainbow. Have you seen any rainbows lately? We could have guys or girls call. Yeah. And go, can you question my sig other? I would love it. I would love to hear her question a girl because she couldn't get away with what she gets away with with a guy. See, a guy, a lot of times girls can use that phrase, you don't understand. You're not a girl. Yeah.

1:52:45Well, can't pull that with LLB. No. Can't pull that. Can't kid a kidder. Can't kid a kidder. That's one way my dad used to say it. Yeah, mine too. Mine too. Every dad has said that BS. I can't wait. I can't wait to say it to my kid. Because as a kid, you're like, damn it. Damn it, you're right. Don't go anywhere. If you want to, you can give us a call, 570-1949. Do away my little sheet. Oh, no. No. Mikey. Hang on. The Manic Hispanic. He's going through his trash can right now looking for his little paper. He should be in number six. The Manic Hispanic. What is that? It's you. You are the Manic Hispanic. Just be Enweg, a guy to gats a guy. Gee, you win.

1:53:58What about the NASA astronaut? Let's do that. It's a story about a NASA astronaut who's supposed to go up in space, and instead he got in a bike accident over the weekend, so he may be missing his trip to space. Oh, no. So we're going to open up the phones if you missed something really good. What did you miss? Every M1 listening right now, you just heard what it sounds like when I don't have, like, that's what Sienna does. She keeps me on track so much that I threw away her little piece of paper, and I was like, lost. Tonight's 8 o'clock album. Two-door cinema club. Tourist history. How come Garrett gets a day off? Our program director. I don't know. Corporate, Mike. We're here. We're here. Slugging it out. I'm working from home, pal. In the trenches. Bright and early. You know he's listening. Is he? Probably not. Let's call and see if he... Are we calling him right now? Are you calling him? Yes. In the meeting, he gave us his home phone number. Garrett. Great move. Don't ever give a morning show at your home phone number, buddy. If his wife answers, do give us. Oh, for goodness sake.

1:56:05What are you doing? I'm showing you his cell number. You wrote it down. That's his home number. Oh. That wasn't Garrett's voice. Yeah, that was his what? The odds that you will catch him on his cell slim to that. I want to talk to him. I've never spoke to him on his cell phone. I don't think I have. He doesn't answer. He goes, that's Woods. Forget him. Forget him. Text me. The hell do you want? He gave you this number. I only accept BBMs. What? You messed it up. You know what I hate? I hate when there's no dashes. I'm sorry. Rise above. I hate when it's like 42876429. My brother does that. When he gives me phone numbers, my brother gives me 12 numbers in a row. The Blackberries do that? Yeah. Just rise above. Maybe get an iPhone. Mikey! Want me to dial? Let me dial. I'm going to do it.

1:57:14Use your fingertips. What else is he using? His palm. Slamming down on the button real good. Gosh darn it. It's ringing. No, it wasn't. I only dialed four numbers. I think it's because we're talking. Just dial it, Sienna. I think it's because we're talking. It thinks our voices are dull tones. Don't talk. Don't talk. He'll be back to work by the time we go. It was difficult without the dashes. Garrett! He's supposed to be listening. Weird. Woods wasn't kidding. I was listening to the DS&C of a sleepy jackal. Garrett? Yeah. Hi, Garrett. It's Garrett. Oh, my. Garrett, are you sleeping? No, I'm out in the desert. What's going on? Are you taking peyote? Are you talking to Jim Morrison? Why are you in the desert and we're in the studio? Yeah. Are you really in the desert? Yeah.

1:58:43Let me hear a coyote. Yeah, I want to hear a coyote. It doesn't sound like a desert. No. Are you camping? How do you get cell service in the desert? Yeah. The retirement community that I'm hanging out with. Why are you there? Yeah, why are you in a retirement community? In the desert? Are you trying to tell us something? Wild questions. Why the hell are you calling us? You're it! I just wanted to hear about Detroit. I'm in the desert, Mike. Does it look anything like Seattle there? Garrett, Garrett, we were calling you because a couple of reasons. Why don't you clowns be quiet? We don't know why we're calling you. Garrett? Yes? We don't know why we're calling you. You gave us your home phone number and we tried it. We tried to abuse it. You didn't answer. We're wondering. Bad move, pal.

1:59:47Yeah, a real bad move. Maybe change your number. Well, how are you? I'm great. I'm great. I'm enjoying my day off. That's big because I can't play because that's company policy. That's right. What about us? Not for us. Why are we here? No, see, if I could be on the air, I would come into work. Are the offices closed today? Yeah, the offices are closed, but the on-air staff can work, and you can, you know, then get a bonus day, the easier day, whenever you want. That's great. But those of us who work in the office aren't allowed to do that because, well, we don't really have a good reason to be there because we don't have to be in the air entertaining the people. That's right. Is that how it was in Philly? You get it? I don't remember. We say that because you worked in Philadelphia. I don't remember. It was a long time ago. Barsky. Seattle? Lancaster. San Diego. All right, Garrett, we miss you. Happy Martin Luther King Day, Garrett. I love you all. I love you all.

2:00:49We love you. Happy MLK Day. Pride in the name of love. All right, we'll talk to you later. That's our program director, Garrett. Garrett, you son of a bitch has ever called me again. I'm going to fire you. It's none of your business where I am, Bill. I want him to send us a picture. L&B, of course. Okay, so what did this NASA astronaut do? Oh, my gosh. This poor guy. He's a mission specialist. His name is Tim Copra. And over the weekend on Saturday, actually, he got injured in a little bike accident. He is okay. However, this may affect his trip into space. Oh, that is horrible. I know. He's supposed to be on the Discovery mission, which is... supposed to happen February 24th. And now he has to go through all these tests to see if he's going to be fit enough to be able to go to space. Have you guys ever done something really stupid and ruined your chances to do something really big? Like, I was supposed to do this and I couldn't because, you know, I'd gotten a stupid, you know, thing. If anybody is listening right now that's had something like that happen, call us at 570-1949. M1 Robert from San Diego. Robert.

2:02:04Yep. Oh, I didn't think you were there and I hung up. Wow. I'm sorry. Call back, Robert. It's Monday, Robert. Robert! Sorry. M1 Rita from Lake Elsinore. Yes. Hi. Hi. What's up? You know what? My boyfriend always, always, always said, oh, I was listening to The Mikey Show and this is what they said about our relationship, okay? My entire life, well, since, you know, high school age, I guess. I've always stayed in touch with my ex-boyfriends. I've always been friends with them every time we broke up. And it's always been friends, and it's strictly friends. And he always tells me, no, you guys can't be friends anymore when I've been doing it since before him and I were even together. And he's always telling me, oh, I listen to the Mikey show, and the Mikey show says this, and the Mikey show is not. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm going to have to talk to the Mikey. All right. All right. Well, Rita, let me give you my wrap on that. Okay. How old are you? I am 32. How long have you... This is your boyfriend or your husband? It's my boyfriend. I've had a previous marriage that went sour, so I have him on the anti-marriage streak. Yeah. Okay. Well, this rule is really, in my view, more about people that are married.

2:03:31You know, but if you have a boyfriend, I never agree with what your boyfriend did, which was telling you what to do. I don't think that a guy or a girl should say, you can't talk to that person anymore. Blah, blah, blah. I don't ever think you should tell somebody what to do. But I do think that you can always tell people how you feel. And so he can tell you, you know, it really bums me out that you talk to him. You know, it just it makes me feel bad. You know, it's okay to tell people how you feel. You just can't rub it all over their face. Yeah. And I also think that the reason that you still talk to the old guys is because of JIC, which is just in case. Oh, no. Oh, no. Of course not. And it's always, every time I do talk to them, it's, hey, how are you doing? Because when I was in the Navy, I knew a lot of people, and all of us were friends. We're all friends of friends, even though I dated him or dated one in high school or stuff. You know, it just always was that way. So they moved on and I moved on. We have that understanding. Yeah, casual friends is, I don't, you know, I don't think that's a big deal. You got a casual friend, whatever, a casual friend, you know? When you're buddying up, when you're buddying up and you're going to lunch and you're doing all that, it's nice. That's a problem. We don't do that because...

2:04:51Most of them live in other states or far away. Most of them. How many other? How many? I talked to three. 104. I talked to three of them. And they were very long-term relationships that I've had. So it's hard to let go of them. Yeah. Still friends. Because we were very, very close. Yeah. Hard to let go, isn't it? Would it bother you if your boyfriend was talking to his exes? It's always the answer. It's always the answer. And you know what? That doesn't matter. See, here's the thing. Who does? Me and my boyfriend. We have a child together. Your current boyfriend? Yes, my current boyfriend. We have a child together. So wait a minute. You have issues from the previous marriage that have given you marriage issues, but baby issues, you don't have an issue with baby issues. So you're pro-baby, anti-marriage. Correct. Okay. Asked and answered. Okay, so here is...

2:06:14Here's my thing. If you are in a vulnerable place, you and the mister, you guys get into an argument, one of those doozies, and you can't stand him at the moment, and you wish he didn't exist. And let's just say that one of these exes that's now a friend is also going through something similar with his spouse. And you guys are talking because you're friends. And you're telling him what a jerk your husband is, and he's telling you what a jerk his wife is. And, you know, you guys used to knock boots. So maybe you hang out, you know. Maybe you hang out. And you're in a vulnerable place, and he's in a vulnerable place. And you're just sitting there, and you're just having a couple of beers. Don't go to Gordon Beer's, I'll tell you what. If it happens at Gordon Beer's, you're a goner. You're having sex. So maybe you're over at Gordon Beer's, you're throwing a couple back, and before you know it, you know. But I don't pick it that far. Of course not. Life would be so much easier if I just dated you. Yes. We should just give it another shot, I think. Yeah. You know? I've worked out a lot of my issues, and you have too, and we should just make it right. I remember with you, we didn't fight about this kind of stuff. We never fought. We just made love all the time. We didn't fight. Remember?

2:07:40When we fought, we were like adults about it. Yeah, we were at least adults about it. And we were always nice to each other. You know what? I didn't say things that hurt like so deep. Yeah, it was like we would fight over like the car wash. Oh my gosh. Remember that? Remember that time about the car wash? I was like, you're supposed to do it and you're like you are. And then we made love in the soap. We made love in the soap. I'll never forget it because I got a soap burn. That's right. And I had a sponge mark on my butt. Yeah, a sponge mark on my butt. Remember, I called you SpongeBob Butt. Butt pants. I called you SpongeBob Butt Pants. You called me that for like two years. Can you call me that just once? SpongeBob Butt Pants. Oh, my gosh. I miss that. I miss you. I miss you. Let's do it. One thing leads to another. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys live in a crazy world. Do we? I live in reality. Crazy world called likes to do it.

2:08:43Crazy world called horny. Crazy world called vulnerable. Crazy world called bad idea. Crazy world called bad wisdom. Crazy world called... We used to do it and it was real fun. I'm just going to say that it sounds a little weird that you won't marry your baby daddy and you still talk to your exes. Those two things go together and not in a good way. Doesn't look good. There's a lot of reasons why I won't marry him. The number one reason is not because of my issues with marriage. It's something else that's even way deeper. Well, then why are you with him? Because I care for him a lot. I do. He's been in my life for a very long time. Yeah, I know, but there's something major you're saying, deep, that prevents you from marrying him. So if it's that deep, why are you with him? You couldn't even say love. Yeah, I care for him. I care for him. I care for my dogs. I care for my baby son. Gosh, it's really, really difficult because I was really close to his wife, and his wife passed away. So I will not marry him for that specifically. But you had a baby with him. I mean, it meant so much to you that you had intercourse and a baby? I mean, the ex that died meant so much to you. I could never do it. I mean, I could slam, have a baby, but I could never marry him. That would be wrong. I don't want the last name. I don't want it.

2:10:12You can keep it. I'm happy with it just being the way it is. You know, because I know he has a lot of issues as well, especially he's very, very insecure. Anytime someone new pops up on my Facebook, who is that? Who is that? That's no way to live. Delete your Facebook. That's no way to live. Sienna. I can't do any of that. Well, I wish you the best. Rita, I think, you know. either figure out what's up and get married or, you know, and I don't agree with him telling you what you can and can't do. That ain't cool. She said she's happy with the way things are, but it sounds like he's not happy with the way things are. Right, he's not. He's definitely not. Nope. All right, Rita. Thank you, Mikey. Thank you. M1 Drew from Carlsbad. Hey, what's going on? Not too much. I had a comment on that last caller. You know, if she ran into, like, her old boyfriend and, like, let's say she thought, like you said, she wished her current boyfriend didn't exist and, like, got together with him and that all happened, well, what if she was just meant to be with the other guy in the first place? And it sounds like that's possible because the one she's with is kind of, you know, obviously a little jealous. Yeah. I say you end one before you begin another because that's just not fair. Yeah, totally. You're right. Not only that, but, you know, a lot of times you'll hear this.

2:11:38line of thinking you'll hear people go you know there's a reason they're called an ex okay there's also a reason that you got together with them in the first place and it probably had to do with some sort of physical and emotional attraction how many times do you get back with an ex all the time of course all my exes That's why I live in California. I can't even imagine. It's like, hey, how you going? How's it going? I'm just like, that's all it would ever be. How you going? How you going? How you living? How do you live? Yeah, it wouldn't be like anything. Just like, because they've changed and they look horrible now. How you doing? Like, where does that happen? I mean, it's like, well, if you bumped into him or if you're on Facebook or anywhere else. You're not going to be like, it's a leper. I dated you. Yeah. I'm not suggesting that you're like. But you just don't need to be hanging out with him. I mean, you said before, it's like, well, you don't, you're not friends with him on Facebook. Yeah. Here's the deal.

2:12:43I just don't think you hang out, and if you do, it needs to be with everybody. Well, yeah. I'm all down for that. You know what I mean? I definitely would never be just the two of us hanging out. Facebook is a community. Yeah. It's a place you hang out. Yep. Yeah. It's a place that you could leave somebody mail in their mailbox. Sure could. Well, I could get mail in my mailbox at home. Yeah, you could. I could get an email. You could, but the thing is- Your wife lives there, too. Yeah, your wife lives there, too, and your mailbox isn't password protected at your house. My mailbox is not password protected on my Facebook. It's always up, always available for viewing. Messages are able to be deleted. Good God. How about trust? I think that should be the first element in a relationship is trust. Hey, if it works for you, then just keep on, keep it on. Have to. If it works for you, don't do it. What's good for the goose? I got a new group of questions here. Oh, good. You ready? What kind of business would you love to start, Woods? You could start. I've always, yeah, you know, old Woods, I always wanted to own a bar, but I don't think I'd do that now because I think my wife would divorce me in a hot minute. If I owned a bar, maybe I'll hit the bar again. You would be in so much trouble. I would be in a lot of trouble. So I would say, you know what, I have a consulting business.

2:14:13I've always wanted to be a consultant. Get paid a ton of dough to consult on stuff. A consulting firm. Ella B., what's the worst gift you've ever received and given? The worst gift I ever received was a girl made me a little pillow. It was about one and a half inch by three inches. And it said my name on it with puffy paint. Why? Why? I don't know. She made them for everyone that year. And I was like. What am I going to do with this? Take a nap on this? Yeah, a pillow for a roach. Yeah, it was the tiniest little pillow. I do leave a ring on it. Yeah, put a ring on it. Yeah. And probably the worst one that I ever gave was the worst that I can remember. We had a white elephant with my extended family this year and I got a... Oh yeah, the dragon balls. I guess I'm misinformed on what white elephant is. I thought white elephant meant you're supposed to get something. You give an actual elephant that's white. No, it's supposed to be stupid and make the person feel like they got hosed. Right. But I guess I missed the train on that one. And got a bad gift.

2:15:23Isn't it? I thought that was the point. You're supposed to put something really cheesy. When we did Our White Elephant, it was supposed to be As Seen on TV products, and we were all giving Lauren a hard time because she got dryer balls. Dryer balls. Which I took and gave Woods the Snuggie afterwards because I was like, my bad. I thought it was supposed to be that. But I gave the dryer balls, and then I also gave this wooden tic-tac-toe game, which when my aunt opened it, she was like, oh. Thank you. I've been wanting to play tic-tac-toe. But I'm tired of playing with plastic. And I'm tired of writing. You know, you've got to make the board and everything, and then you scratch it out. I really wanted a wooden one. It's environmentally friendly. Sienna, what song evokes the strongest memories for you? The song that you go, The first one I heard in the grocery store the other day was The Fray, How to Save a Life. And that song came out and was really popular when Todd and I first started dating. And it just reminds me of that beginning and me driving. He lived in Eastlake, Chula Vista. And I knew I liked that guy because I drove all that way every day. And I would listen to that song because I loved it first came out. So every time I hear it, I think of that feeling of just being with him. I'm going to be reminded of that. Jay.

2:16:43Yes, sir. What makes you laugh the hardest? You guys talking about relationships. Oh, wow. And anything Jasper does. Anything Jasper does. Just walking on water. Mike said this one and killed me. Thank you. What do you think of when you hear this song, Mike? Barbecues as a kid. Family reunion. Family reunion. A fiery ring. Let's play Name That Tune. Call us right now, 570-1949. What prize do we have? Today we have, as I look at my sheet, Angel and Anarchy Sunglasses. And what is the theme? It's all about feet for Rex Ryan. Nice. Now, you've got to pick a horse for Name That Tune, so you call and you're going to pick either me, Sienna Woods, or L.O.B.

2:17:57I'm Mike. I'm the host of the show. Hello, Mike. Guy with the mascara sitting across from me is Woods. Literally. Man. Really? Gold to my right is Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as L.O.B. Our news girl is Sienna. Jay is our producer. He's 47. And screaming phones for us is Will. It's Will. What's more mascara on than me? Looks really pretty. Sienna just asked if... Nothing really you have to say about that. Sienna just asked Woods if she could put mascara on him. Yeah. Yeah. He has long, beautiful eyelashes. It's like clockwork orange in there. That's what I wanted, the clockwork orange look. Wow. Looks good. It's cool, isn't it? I need to get your down low eyelashes then. It's a full effect. Yeah, that's right. Wow. I'll get it next commercial break. Don't worry. Okay, we'll do it next. You know, when we're on break, we sometimes search for things to do. Yeah. Play solitaire. I don't want to play solitaire. I want to bond with my teammates. Guys have really long eyelashes. Yeah, they always do. And I just wanted to always put it on, and Woods said okay. Yeah, why not? Comfortable enough in my own skin? Not put on mascara? No, I'm comfortable enough in my own skin to put on mascara if I want to. You know we're going to lunch today, right? Yeah. He doesn't care. I don't care. Looks pretty. Yeah, Woods gets to pick. Here, let me post this. Put some eyeliner on next, maybe.

2:19:24Oh, yeah. Jared Leto wears eyeliner, so I'd wear it. He looks cool when he does it. So does Adam Lambert. Keith Richards does it. Adam Lambert. Keith Richards wears eyeliner. Johnny Depp in Pirates. Johnny Depp in Pirates. Yeah, I mean, those guys are cool. I'm, you know, kind of a star, so it's not a big deal. Really? Yeah, Woods on Sports. You ever hear of it? You ever hear of Woods on Sports? No one can see it. No one can see it. All right, let's play name that tune. Oh, boy, here we go. M1 Marcella from Santee. Who do you want? Was D, please. All right. Hang on the line. The guy in the mascara. M1 Joel from San Diego. Who would you like? Let's do this, Mikey. All right. Hang on the line. Mikey. M1 Lisa from Lakeside. Who do you want? L.O.B. Yeah. M1 Snowman from Carlsbad. Who would you like to select? Oh, I would love to have Sienna. No, there you go. I love her, man. That's a little creepy. She's married. We all would. That's all right. Oh, boy. All right. So the theme today is feet songs. All right. Songs with feet. Stuff you do with your feet. All right, let's do it. Here we go. What? No doubt. I have no idea what that was. What was that? Six feet under. Oh, wow. What does that have to do with feet? Six feet under. There you go, Red. Welcome to the game. Got it. I'm here. FM 94.9 Mikey Show, 6 to 10. Got it. Lauren. Sienna. Lauren. Alanis Morissette. Dang it. Very good. All right, now I'm ready. Head over feet.

2:20:55Here we go. Woods. You too. You don't know that song, do you? Me either. Crown Beneath Her Feet. There you go. Here we go. Oh, that old number one hit from back in the day. You can recognize his voice. It's true. Woods. Dang it. Please don't thrust like that ever again. Mikey. Oh. Wow. Yeah, I do. Go ahead. Toes in the sand. Toes. Lauren. Toes. The song's called Toes. Lauren. Go ahead, Lauren. Jack Johnson, Bubbly Toes. Mikey just throws toys out there. Mike, negative one. Lauren, two. Woods, three. Sienna, zero. Here we go. Woods. Katrina and the Waves. Wow. Wow. I was wondering if people would know the band. Here we go. Woods. Mike. Mike.

2:22:01Walking on Broken Glass. Yep. Annie Lennox. Beautiful, long hair. Mike and I are tied with zero. Lauren, two. Woods, four. Ever have a boy haircut? Oh, yeah. Here we go. Woods. That's Lincoln Park. Please stop dancing like that. I'm bound and determined to win one. I've gotten hosed every week. Here we go. Woods. The Bengals. Wow. How could you even hear that? I couldn't hear it. Walk like an Egyptian. Woods has six. Lauren has two. Let's make this one 70. I have three remaining. Two pointers. Yeah, they're two pointers. Oh, yeah. Here we go. Mikey. Mikey. Step by step. Nick gets on the block. Two left. Mikey. Nice. Whoa. Walk this way. Wow. Yep. What score? Man, Mikey. Wood six. Lauren two. Mikey four. Wow. Mikey.

2:23:06Wow. Nice. What are you going to do now? Johnny Cash. Yep. He's got a new technique. My gosh. Yeah, you tied. You tied. Good for you. You tied. I tied? Yes. Mikey's new technique is to say his name and then figure it out. Fake bit. Yes. It worked. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Mikey just pulled his chair forward and knocked down three other chairs leading against the wall and almost knocked down the guitar. So we have two winners? We have two winners. We've got to split it, Mike. They've got to flip for the Anarchy sunglasses. Oh, man. That's going to be my new bit. He was so excited. It's a tie. I know. I thought I was. Tie between me and you, Woods? Yes. And me. Marcella, you are a winner. Awesome. Hang on the line. And Joel? Yeah. You're a winner, too. What'd it be, Mikey? Hang on a line. She gets the angel, he gets the anarchy. There you go. Rad. It's already 9.08. I know. What happened? It's flying by. That was fast. Did it seem fast to you? No. Maybe it was just me. It seems like the day went by really quick. Yeah. Totally. Totally did. Totes. Totes. People that have been at work for three hours are like, yeah, real fast. Thanks a lot, pal. Six hours, eight hours.

2:24:37So Woods did his first ever Little League thing this weekend. He's a Little League coach. Head coach. How old are the kids? Twelve. The majors. The Encinitas National Little League. I'm the majors head coach of the Braves. He says apparently, well, the way they do it is they evaluate the players and then today? Tonight. Tonight? Six o'clock. Oh, good. They're going to pick. Don't worry, Mike. You'll be in bed 20 early. Kid brings his A game every day. Don't worry about me. Tonight, you're going to draft. Tonight, we draft. Okay. Guess who's here? Who? Jasper! Jasper! What's Jasper doing here? Jasper just showed up. Hi, Jasper. He's already eating candy. He's already eating candy. Kim and Jasper. Oh, that's awesome. Jay's wife and little boy. That's so cool. Yeah. So, okay. So, Woodsy is going to pick the players tonight. Well, he says... I guess some of these guys take it real seriously. Oh, I bet. Some of these coaches. Oh, yeah. Super seriously. As in videotaping the players and making notes into a recorder. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my. I feel sad for these kids. They're making notes, and they're like, nice dance. Good for them. Timing pictures and stuff. Oh, yeah. The way that it worked was that we set up so that you have the diamond, and you have a guy that's...

2:25:58pitching machine. And we're all the coaches. And I'm talking, you know, there's 11-year-old coaches, there's 10-year-old coaches, and there's 12-year-old coaches. And we're all lined up on the second base side sitting in chairs. I've got a piece of paper and a pen on a clipboard that I bought the night before. And I'm like, yeah, I know what I'm doing. And I'm watching and they're like, this is Billy Thompson. Billy Thompson. Write it down. Oh my God. That's a good swing. Got a couple. Got a hold of a couple. Good. Yeah. Then he takes some ground balls. It's short. I'm like, decent form. Good arm. Okay. Then they go to the outfield, catch some pop flies. Oh, no. Not good in the outfield. Okay. That's no on the outfield. Maybe infield. Maybe pitcher. Possibly decent arm. The dude next to me, full-on video camera. Wow. Full-on video camera next to me. Billy. Billy Johnson. This is Billy Johnson. Leans in. To the recorder. Into the recorder. This is 12-year-old Billy Johnson. He's got a good stance. No way. Then he goes out to short. Now he's taking some ground. There's a short, smooth, smooth throw. That's a good, strong throw. Oh, not so much on the outfield. Okay, that's 12-year-old Billy Johnson. Oh, my gosh. And I'm sitting there. Great guy. I mean, I talked to him the whole day. Great guy. Woods is eating a Snickers. I literally, you guys, I had my wife bring me a Subway sandwich. I got there at 8.30. I walked in the door at 1.30. Wow.

2:27:25All morning. We saw 80 to 90 kids. It was awesome. I mean, watching these kids really get into it. Tonight should go by fast. Tonight should be great. Well, no, no. Tonight we're only doing majors. So it's just seven teams. Very early. Seven teams, yeah. It's not all the 11 and 12s. It will be okay. I mean, the 10s and 11s. It's out at 2 a.m. It will be okay. Is this what happens? Like, when you did Little League, do you get drafted like this? Well, when I played Little League, we did do tryouts. But they did kind of – I didn't know what was going on. I think – this was the way they did. But the tryouts, I'll tell you what, you don't sleep the night before. I mean, you just don't. I mean, do the kids know where they fell in the pick? I don't think so. I don't imagine that they're like, hey, you're the first. But, you know, if they're one of the first couple picks, you're like, hey, man, you're my number one. I need you to step it up. I just wouldn't, if there was 22 kids on the team. There's 12. Oh. I wouldn't want to be like, oh, you're number 12. I was the fat child with buck teeth that could not play. But wanted to. Well, that's because you have big jugs. Every time I would go to a bat, the players would say to me, don't swing. Don't swing. Because they wanted you to walk. They were hoping that I would walk. It's the best thing that could possibly happen. Are you trying to lean into it? I'll tell you what. I'll tell you something. I started playing baseball when I was 10, which is a little bit late. And I didn't get a base hit my first two years.

2:28:50in baseball. But I had a good arm and I could field. So I had a place on the team. When I stepped to the plate, I was scared to death every time. Only now, at 35 years old, do I step to the plate with any sort of confidence. Like, oh, I'm going to get a hit. Not everyone's a hitter. Right. Not everybody can be a good hitter. But, you know, in Little League, it's nerve-wracking. So I just, my whole thing with these kids is... I just want him to have fun, and I don't want it to be torture for him. I'm a competitive guy. You guys know me, but I'm not going to be psycho coach. So can anyone just be a coach? No, I mean, yeah. So can any just creep? I mean, I'm not saying anything against you. The way that it happened was I really wanted to help out, and I love the game. You guys know I love the game so much. I really wanted to help out. So I asked our national sales manager here, Chris Ashby, if he knew anybody because he's got kids in Little League. And sure enough, he put me in touch with the guy, the commissioner, Jim Miller. And I talked to Jim, and we really got along. And he said, man.

2:29:47We'd love to have you, and we need a head coach. I said, well, you got one. Yeah. That's so cool. Very excited. Sienna, where might the state start looking to cut and fix this deficit that we're in? Because we've got to obviously save some dough somewhere. Where exactly are they looking to do that? Well, this list out of the UT, these are some possibilities. We can become the first state to drop Medicaid. which is a $17.5 billion medical insurance program that serves nearly 8 million Californians who are poor or children or the elderly who are disabled. Wow. They say we can cut the size of the state's employee workforce, which currently costs about $10 billion annually. Yeah. We can privatize the UC and California State University systems, which currently costs the state $5.5 billion. Yeah. We can eliminate CalWorks, which is California's welfare-to-work program, and save $3 billion annually. Didn't even know about it. Yeah. I didn't know it existed. And then the last thing it says is we could also end support of in-home support services, which is also for the disabled that are trying to avoid even more expensive nursing homes. Jared Loeffner was the shooter in Tucson that shot the representative, Representative Gifford, who's doing better, by the way. In fact, her condition has been upgraded to... Critical. Critical. From critical to serious, sorry. There you go.

2:31:15So she's doing much better. But anyway, he had made some YouTube videos and actually got him in trouble and kicked out of Pima College. It's a community college in Tucson. Here's a clip. All right, so here's what we're doing. We're examining the torture of students. We are looking at students who have been tortured. They're at low income pay in two wars. The war that we are in right now. It's currently illegal under the Constitution. What makes it illegal is the currency. The date is also wrong. It's impossible for me that date. It's mind control. Man, I don't understand. Me neither. He's a whack job. He's a pretty crazy guy. This came up off the air. We were talking about this off the air. If somebody that you know were to be deceased, what happens?

2:32:21to that person's Facebook. Now, we had a couple, we were discussing this and we were like, well, maybe you keep it there so that people can go there and say nice stuff. Which a lot of people do. Share memories. It's like a memorial, a memory wall or something. Yeah. Is there anything wrong with that? I don't know. It could be. Some people might be pained by seeing it, but some people might. actually enjoy seeing the nice things that people say, but it might be painful for some people to just keep clicking through their pictures. You don't have to, though. You don't have to see anything that comes. If you don't like something that you're seeing, you can block it or whatever. You know, when Jamie's mom passed away, they did a thing on the newspaper in town. You know, you run the obituary, and they also do an online obituary. And on the online obituary, you can go read all the comments because people will...

2:33:21will post their thoughts and memories. And I'll tell you, I know I really enjoyed reading it about what a special woman she was and how many lives she touched. I thought it was pretty cool. I mean, if you're a dirtbag, it's probably not going to be great. But, you know, she was... school teacher for years, very, very involved in the community and stuff. So it was nice to go there and read all the nice things about her. I kind of enjoyed it. Especially if it's someone that you're close with. You may read a memory that someone has that you had no idea about. You know, that's kind of cool. Is there anything creepy about it? Sometimes. I have people that I am friends with on Facebook that are no longer with us, and it'll come up on the right hand. You know how those random things come up? of a picture of somebody from whenever it was sometimes when that sort of stuff comes up you're like oh it's kind of like oh I mean I don't know it gets a little bit creepy but there's all there's services now that you can sign up for that will in the event that you have to set it up yourself in the event that you pass away it'll cancel all your online accounts your online banking your Facebook and you have to rely on one person to like activate that I think so I think you yeah you tell people ahead of time

2:34:30Somebody has to know. Yeah, thank you. And then there's even things that you can set up, like, with your email account. After you pass away, it can send out an email that you wrote before you die. Oh, my gosh. But somebody has to have it. Yeah, well. Somebody has to be in charge. I think there's a way that you can, like, somehow. Because you can't be like, I'm dead, so I need to send out this email. I'm glad I got this service and blah, blah, blah. You know, somebody has to, like, know. Unless they're somehow connected with, like, public records. Yeah. You know what I mean? And they activate it. But I think the deal is you tell somebody close to you. And yeah, it'll send out messages. You can customize them and be like, just want to let you know that. I say give it a year. I would be really creeped out if I got an email letting me know that that person who wrote it had died. Hey, if you're reading this, that means I'm dead. It means I'm dead. I'd be like, oh my God. Yeah. They customize what they send and it would say like, like they gave an example was like, you know, just in case. You're feeling any sort of like we didn't get a proper goodbye. I just want to let you know I always knew that you loved me. You know what I mean? It's a form letter to everybody. I don't like it. It's like that movie P.S. I Love You. He kept sending his wife messages and telling her to do stuff. He was hooking her back up. Oh my gosh, that movie kills me. Me and Woods just looked at each other like there's a movie called P.S. I Love You? M1 Steve-O from Mira Mesa. Hey Mikey and guys, love your show. Thank you.

2:35:54Hey, one thing you haven't touched on is no one can really go back to someone's Facebook without their username and ID and everything and password. Yeah, you've got to have that. Right, I know. Yeah, so it's sort of a worthless deal unless you have given it to someone. No, I can go see. If God forbid Mikey passed away, I can go see what's written on his wall. Yeah, but he couldn't get rid of my account is what he's saying. You couldn't get rid of my account. But if you set it up with that software company, you do. You give them all of your... Or you tell your wife. Yeah, but... I've heard of that. Because it could be painful for the wife to go in and she might not want to delete it. It has to be public record. Otherwise, how are they going to know you died? Yeah. Hey, thanks for the call. We appreciate it. Thank you. A couple things you could be doing to get to date number two. We'll tell you what they are. Don't go away. Mikey's show is working for you today. Yeah. All right, Sienna. What are some of the things we could be doing to get to date number two? Some of these things are ridiculous. They're the opposite of everything I ever did. Well, so when you're on your first date with someone, they're saying, you know, if you do these things, it's more likely you'll get a second date. Do some prep work. It says, you know, like go through the local newspaper and take note of some upcoming events that you think, what? What a dork. Are you serious? Yes. Hey, did you see that the balloon festival is this weekend? This is 1957. What do you think about the budget cuts?

2:38:18What do you think of those budget cuts that were taking place in Nebraska over the weekend? You said CalWorks or Medicaid. Okay, here's the example. What a nerd. No, here's the example. In quotes. I've really been into Florence and the Machine lately. What about you? If his or her reaction seems favorable at the end of the date, mention it and say that they're coming to town. Is this Garrett trying to get into Florence and the Machine? Is this Garrett going for date number two? It says Garrett Michaels wrote this down. Recommended album. Oh, my gosh. Okay, play opposites. So when you go on your first date, say you're, you know, typical out to dinner, then the next date suggests something way different, like hiking. Nude poker. Yeah, we went to Chinese last time. This time, nude poker. Nude poker. You know, to get them to, like, you know, oh, well, that would be fine. Something totally different. That's cool. I think that that's the lamest thing I've ever heard, and I'll tell you why. Because it isn't necessarily you. They are suggesting that you do something that's not you. But listen on the first date to what they're into, and then go do an activity instead of just dinner. Or, you know, the good thing on the first date is always try to find out what's something they've always wanted to do. That's true. Now, that'll get you even to a third date right there, pal. Oh, yeah. Because on the first date, she goes, I have always wanted to try paddle boarding. Yeah. Second date, you pick her up, and you're like,

2:39:37We're going paddleboarding, kid. That would be smooth. That would be smooth. Oh, yes. Paddleboarding is a great example. If she threw out something like, I've always wanted to go on a hot air balloon, and he drops out on the second date, I might be like, whoa, calm down. Chill. Just on the second date. But paddleboarding, it doesn't cost too much dough. It's not too dramatic. So what are we going to do? Go to the Mission Bay and paddleboard. Do you have a wetsuit? He would probably make arrangements. I'll tell you what. Let's go right now to... A place. Call Bird. Just call Bird. And you buy a wetsuit. No, no, no. There's a rental place. I'll buy a wetsuit. Go to Bird in the South Coast. They'll take care of you. There's a place actually at the lagoon, the Batikitos Lagoon. Okay, what if she said, you know, I've lived in San Diego my entire life and I've never been to the zoo.

2:40:25And you're like, okay, the next day you pick her up, you're like, hey, we're going to the zoo. Done. I mean, dude, that is so slick. That is really slick. But these are supposed to be things you do before the second date. So while you're on your first date or right after the first date to get them to go on a second date. I think that that is a great thing. But the paddleboard one. Well, that's you. I would try it. No, not because I don't like paddleboarding. I think it involves too much. That is my language. It could be like a cooking class on how to make enchiladas. Oh, then you're all in, Mike. Then I would definitely. How about just go to Sur La Table and poke around for a couple hours? Yeah. In. Another thing, step to earn a second date is kind of what Lauren just said. Just listen really carefully during your first date. If you hear them say something that they liked, something they've never done, you know, just say, well, you know what? We're going to go do that. Maybe they like Will Ferrell. They'll be like, well, you know, his new movie's coming out next week. Let's go see it. Me and my wife were really made for each other because we don't like to do anything. And that's why we were really made for one another. So I would say to her, hey, you know, what's something that you've never gotten to do that you really want to? And she'd be like, nothing. I'd be like, awesome. And then next week we wouldn't, you know, go on a date. We just do that. Are you sure that you wouldn't maybe recite Elfin from The Lord of the Rings? We may recite something from The Lord of the Rings to each other in Elvin.

2:41:41Okay, now there's two more steps to earn a second date and they're ridiculous. I bet. Well, this one's really ridiculous. It's already lame. It says, tell a fortune. Really? Now, I'm going to give you the example. Mike, I can see you doing this. 100%. 100%. Tell a fortune. Mike would do it. Mike, I only say that because you grabbed someone's hand and wrote I love you with your index finger in their palm. I was a sophomore in high school. Okay. Thanks. This one says, grab their hand and say, did you know I'm a palm reader? Oh, God. Stop. Here. Here. Let me show you. Take your date's hand. Tracing the lines there. Say, hmm, I see another date in your future. Trace further. Oh, and look at that. It's with me. Can I try that? That just means that someone has done that and thought it was a good rule. Unless she's someone that does role-playing conventions or goes to Comic-Con. Even then, she's like, you're a nerd. Okay, now this last one, it sounds dorky, but you could do it in a better way. They say it with Hallmark, like send a cheeky.

2:42:55e-greeting or a funny message, like an email or snail mail that says, you know, thank you so much. I hate e-greeting. I hate the term snail mail. I know. I'll tell you why. I hate e-greetings for the same reason that I hate, almost that I hate cards. They never convey what I want. They're always dorky. That's why you should do the monkey mail and you say whatever you want. I think a text message, like you always say at the end of the night, oh, I had a great time. But then if you get a random text, like during the middle of the day, that's like, you know, I just really want you to know I had such a great time last night. That again, I'm like, that's not creepy. A text. It's not creepy. I like it. It's not creepy. Just a text randomly. That's not creepy. It's not. Yes, it is. It's over eager. It says I had a really good time. It's not over eager. Yes, it is. Mike, it's over eager. Women think you're crazy. It's awesome. If you're into him, it's nice. If you're not into him, he's dead in the water anyway. Might as well. I want to squeeze him. I was having this conversation with a dear friend of mine this weekend who got a new number this weekend, and he was all fired up about it. And I go, you know, man, had I gotten that number, I would have done this. Now, if Jamie and I split up and I was out there again, I would have said, hi, I'm Steve Woods. Nice to meet you. Can I get your phone number? And she said, okay.

2:44:20About 45 minutes later, as she was leaving the bar or restaurant, I would have been like, hey, just wanted to tell you, it's really great meeting you. Me too. Wouldn't have got anything back, and then I would have done the, are you mad at me? Did I do something? If she was like, wow, he was really cute, I could see myself dating him, and then she got that text, she'd be like, oh, we're hanging out. No way. Yes way. I'm a girl. No way, no way, no way. If we're into you, yeah. Are you mad at me? Did I do something? I'm sorry. Not if you said that. That's a ruin it. I think it's cool. No, it's not. I'd do it. Two days. Just a little text that says that you're interested. Nothing wrong with that. What if it says, miss you already? Two days. Two days. You crazy. No, the next day, I'd say around like two in the afternoon. I'm in love with you. I could see myself falling in love with you. I looked at invitations this weekend. Yeah. I hope this isn't for you, man. I've done all of it. I've done all of it. I've been the biggest desperate creep you've ever met. Would you want to get married? on the beach or in a church. Is that it? Do you sleep nude? Yeah. That's creepy. That's it. Let's see. Those were lame. I liked it. Basically do the opposite of that list and you can guarantee yourself a second date. I liked some of it.

2:45:44Just listen to your date. What do you do at the end of the first date? I haven't been on a first date in so long. Are you like, hey, I'd love to do this again. I couldn't even imagine me on a date right now. Mike, can you imagine you at 40 out there again single? I feel more confident about myself now than I used to, but I also... Worse. Can you imagine? You have a nice dinner? Nice. And it's not... She's not touching you. You're not touching her. It's just a nice conversation. At the end of the date, you say... What do you say at the end of the day? This is the thing, man, is the whole trying to read people. It's the worst. And the game playing that inevitably comes with it. You have to. You got a posture, you know. You have to. I'm so glad I'm not single. So glad. I would be the worst. I don't think you. Oh, I'd be the worst. I think you'd be fine. It's the worst. It would be terrible. I'd close with some business, but I wouldn't be. Would you? Yeah. It wouldn't be anything great. You don't think you would? No. There's some chubby chasers out there. A lot of s-

2:46:44Oh, my gosh, Jay. It's rather direct. I hate you. Rather direct, isn't it? It's perfect. It's just personal. It's personal. It's all get up. It just kind of went right for you. Biting. It's perfect. Jay is my inspiration to get in the gym. Yeah. Real good. It's good. And I've been doing so much better. Hey, listen. He's just trying to be a good pal. Oh, he's trying to be a good friend. Just be a friend. That's what friends are for. Yeah. That's what I do. What a D. A lot of chubby chasers out there. A lot of girls out in San Diego like fat boys. You'll be fine. I met someone who liked fatties. I'm sure there's a lot of girls out there who love a little blubber on their tubbers. You can keep a lot of girls warm with that fat suit. You wearing a fat suit right now? Is that right, fatty? Chubs and gubs. Let's see. That's awesome. Sienna, tell me about the McDonald's employee that got fired for letting an NFL player use the bathroom. Oh, my gosh. This is an assistant manager at McDonald's. It was late at night, 3 a.m., and a female employee was there, and she let in Adrian Peterson.

2:48:05To use the bathroom in McDonald's at 3 a.m. Who wouldn't? Well, it's normally just a drive-thru. Maybe you make sure he knows how to use everything in there. Yeah. Wow. Just go the extra mile. Apparently. Have it your way. Well, she... I'm loving it. It was found out that she let him in and let him use the restroom, and she was fired a week later. Because you're not supposed to let people in. Right. She was a mother of three. She was fired over this. She said, he's a public figure. I know him better than someone of the maintenance people that would come in and out. I never thought in a million years that this decision was going to cost me my career. That's terrible, man. What's the spirit of the rule? The spirit of the rule is don't let people in because you know what kind of rascal's going to be. It's Adrian Peterson. He's probably not going to rob the place. No, he's definitely not going to rob the place. He's more money in his pocket. Look at the track record of some of the NFL players. I'd say probably. AP is not robbing them. He probably won't. You know what? I hope some good Samaritan business owner steps forward and gives this girl a better job. I hope Adrian Peterson steps forward and says, hey, all right, here's 500 grand. Here's your salary. For the year. Chump change. That's pretty ridiculous. That is ridiculous.

2:49:20I probably will. I probably will. I hope he hears about it. I'm sure he will. That story was all over the place. This is kind of a sweet story. There was a nine-year-old little girl that was killed in that shooting. Yeah. She has already saved somebody's life. Yeah. Unbelievable. She, excuse me, some of her organs were donated and a young girl in the Boston area received, I'm not sure what it is. I think it was her heart. Really? No way. Something really. It's such a cool story, man. It's just amazing, too, because the families have to sign off on that. Yeah, her dad was talking about it, and he said that when they received the call, it really lifted his spirit, you know, because it's nice to know that some good could come out of something like that. Your daughter's heart's helping keep somebody else alive. That's incredible. Isn't that great? It's incredible. It's absolutely incredible. How come there's 200 cows dead in Ohio? Animals are dropping like flies. Great. Or are they? I'll tell you next. Talk to everybody about tonight's 8 o'clock album. Two Door Cinema Club. Tourist history. You are the reason for all the changes. I have no reason. Sienna. Mike. Why is there 200 cows dead? Well, they apparently died of a virus that causes respiratory and reproductive problems.

2:51:50200 cows dead. But it's raising, you know, concern because there's a lot of animals dying all over the place right now. Cow aids, and it's bad. Birds, fish, now cows. All at once they die? Something's going on. I'm scared of the world. Floods in Brazil, Australia. Something's going on all right. Yeah, I'm Keith Morrison for Dateline NBC, and I did a little research into this myself. Upon further investigation, realized that it wasn't actually cows that were dying at all, was it? No, in fact, it was all people dressed as cows. When they took them, they tried to milk them. You realized it can't milk a 40-year-old man, can you? Wow. Or can you? I have a question. What? You know how planes leave the, what are they called, chemtrails?

2:52:54Contrails. Contrails? Contrails. I didn't even know. Kim's my wife. Chemtrails. No, they're called chemtrails, too, I think. Contrails. Contrails. Maybe that's Todd. Todd just calls me chemtrails. We talked about it this weekend, as a matter of fact. You did? I did not talk about it this weekend. Okay, because planes aren't supposed to leave those contrails. They're not? I don't think so. Yeah, they do. That's what leaves them. It happens when there's a change of temperature in the atmospheric environment. Because over the weekend, did you notice a lot of them? I'm not kidding. Like every plane that went by left really long contrails over the weekend. And Todd was freaking out about it. There was a lot this weekend. So Matt and I were like, we were on a walk and we were like, what causes this? This is the same conversation that Todd and I had. Really? And he was like, Todd's, we got like video of it. And he was like, yeah. He thinks it's bad for planes to do that and they're not supposed to. And so for whatever reason. Alien spacecraft. Yes. I don't know. But we had the same conversation. Lots of contrails this weekend. Watch some Dateline NBC. I can watch Dateline NBC twice a year. What? I can't either.

2:54:08It freaks me out. It makes me nervous. It makes me nervous. I love to watch that and the first 48 hours. Rebecca watches them all. I can't watch them. I can't watch too many of them. They freak me out. Granted, I'm convinced every morning that I go to my car, there's someone waiting to kill me. Every morning. But I don't think it has much of an effect on me. Still do it. That's why it freaks me out. I can't watch them anymore either. They make me too nervous. I get nervous now, and I never used to. Owen Wilson's a dad. Yay. Welcome to Little Boy with His Girlfriend of about a year. Her name is Jade Buell. Congratulations on. That was my Owen Wilson. Oh, wow. I sound like Lars Ulrich. Yeah. I thought Lars from Metallica was calling Owen. Congratulations on. On. There we go. To wish him. On. Congratulations. So he's doing better, huh? He's 42, and the baby was just born in Hawaii. He's in a new movie that looks pretty funny. Owen Wilson is. I believe he's in the movie Hall Pass, where these guys get a week off for marriage and they can do whatever they want. Remember when I was in Maui last year and Jennifer Aniston was out there and so was Adam Sandler? That movie is coming out. I just saw a preview for it on football. That's the one. That's it. It's called Just... It is Just Something. And they're each other's love interests? I don't know. No. What happens is, from what I can understand in the movie, he meets...

2:55:35this smoking hot blonde. And I mean smoking hot. And she's like, you're married? He pretended he was married to meet girls. And she found the wedding ring. And he's like, no, no, I'm not married. And then he has to pretend Jennifer Aniston is his wife. No, no, no. Jennifer Aniston's kids, he pretends for kids. And wife. Wife and kids. They're a whole built-in family. All three of them have to pretend like they're his real family. Yeah, the scene that I saw, he... He's walking on a wooden bridge and it breaks and he cracks his nuts on it. Weird. Adam Sandler cracking his nuts on something. Adam Sandler ever do that in a movie before? Every time. And it'll make $200 million. I wonder if Jennifer Aniston will be like, okay. So true. All right, honey. Yeah, it's true too. I like her. I do. I like her. As long as she plays Rachel, she's good. Doesn't she? Yeah. As long as she plays that. If she tries anything else, it's like... She was really good in The Breakup. She was really good in The Breakup. I refuse to watch it. Please watch it. I don't want to see people fight. Mikey, it's funny, though. The most of it's funny. You see her butt, too. There's just one really uncomfortable...

2:56:47uncomfortably realistic scene when they're talking about the lemons and all that. That's what I've heard. That's funny, though. There's some scene about the lemons and it's like... The lemons one gets too serious. He was supposed to come home with like 12 lemons and he only came home with like six or something like that. And she's like, this is for the centerpiece. I told you I need 12 lemons. He's like, what? No one cares about the centerpiece. It's the same fight everyone has had. It's brilliant. He goes, you know, the chicken that I just had could actually use a little lemon on it because now... See, now we've made something that's better instead of something visually for everybody. It's me and it's me. It reminds me. It's scary. So much of Woods. Oh, it's scary. Vince Vaughn fighting with her reminds me of exactly how Woods would be. That's me. Because he's witty and he's biting. And I get you real quick. I wish we could do that. I have a movie idea and I want Vince Vaughn to be in it. And if I can't get Vince Vaughn, I'll just use Woods. Use me. I'm almost a little insulted. I should be first picking. You can't get me. You should use him. He's been doing my bits for years. Sure. He has. I thought it would be funny. I thought it would be a funny scene for Vince Vaughn to be a guy that's like, he travels for a living. This is genius. And so he travels somewhere and he's out in the middle of like some tiny little town in the middle of. Lacrosse. Yeah. Sandusky, Ohio. Wherever. And he walks into a Benihana. And the guy that is like the Benihana guy.

2:58:12is ready to do the whole Benny Hanna bit. Yeah. And he just got in a fight with his girlfriend on the phone and he walks in and he sits down. He's hungry. He's just hungry. He just wants to eat. And he's like, you don't have to do the whole stuff. I don't know. I don't need the show. I don't need the whatever. He gets the waiter. He's like, hey man, can I just get the soup and the salad right now? You don't have to bring them separate. Don't worry about all that stuff. Don't worry about the stuff. And the guy's like, Over the top. Hey, no, no, no. Don't worry about that. You don't do it. I don't need the whole show. I don't need the show. You don't have to throw the shrimp tail in my mouth. I don't need it. I just want to eat, okay? Can I just have my meal? I don't need the egg to disappear into your back. I just want the meal. I get it. Can we just do the meal? Fabulous. Love what you do. I'm starving. Love it. Mickey Mouse. Love it. I got it. It's great. I want the meal. Can I just get the meal? Can I get the meal? That's so brilliant. Vince Vaughn doing that to me is the funniest thing ever. Yeah, he's going to look, my man. Look, come on, my man. I don't need it. I don't need it. You can save the show. There's nobody in here. You're an expert at what you do. There's no one better. I get it. And the guy didn't speak English. I'm a fan. I'm a fan. Honestly, any other day. Great.

2:59:21He's the only guy. He goes, do you see? And he finally blows up. Do you see no one sitting here? No one sitting here. You don't need to do the thing. You don't need to do the show. I'm the only guy here. I will pay you double. Don't do the thing. Maybe $1,000. I just got off the phone with my wife and my girlfriend. Both of them. Stop doing bits. I accidentally called them on three-way, and they know about each other. Now I just want to eat, okay? I showed some Japanese foods. The only restaurant near the hotel. The whole time, the guy's making a volcano out of onions. Yeah. Just nodding his head in agreement. Oh, my God. That's such a good bit. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 570-1949 is our number. So, okay, so Hillary is in today or is not in today? She's right here. She is here. Oh, hell. There you go. Hi, Hillary. Hi. Trooper. Hillary is in today. Hi. How you doing? I'm good. I got rock star parking because nobody else is in here today. Everybody's off today. Yeah. How was your weekend?

3:00:19It was great to a disco dance party Saturday night. Oh, nice. For a five-year-old. What did you wear? It was so fun. I wore my sparkly pink Toms shoes and just big old crazy earrings. My daughter, she chose her own outfit and wore like tutu and tights and crazy headband. That's great. And we walk in, and the dad of the little boy, Finn, who was turning five, is awesome. He was wearing a silver. He's a huge dude. He's a Canadian hockey player, like big buff guy. He's wearing a silver lame, like bomber jacket. And tiger-striped, like tight hot pants. It was so great. That's fun, man. Paige, the mom, was all decked out. It was awesome. The kids had so much fun. Jamie and I were looking at onesies. Last night for our little guy that's going to be here soon, there is one that I have to get. It's Johnny Cash. It says it's a prison suit. Well, it fits. He's a woods. It's black and white stripes, and it says Johnny Cash Folsom Prison on it. I was like, wow. Yeah, it's incredible. Maybe get one for Luke, too. Yeah. For sure. Luke will get his own. He has one. The real thing. He'll get his own. You guys have that thing with your kids where...

3:01:40your kid will think that a sound is funny? Oh, yeah. For this weekend, we found out that Luke thinks da is just the funniest sound. Like when they're real little? Sure. I love that. There's that YouTube video where the dad goes and all six kids start cracking up. It is so funny. Take a listen. I think you can hear this. He's working up to it. Wow. That's awesome. He likes the sneak attack. I can't wait, man. Six weeks, bro. So huge, Woodsy. Six weeks. When I say mama in a certain voice, Sage laughs. Mama. That's great. Think I'll be doing goofy stuff? Yeah. Let's see. Hillary, what do you got coming up? Well, I grabbed Kings of Leon's Come Around Sundown. I'm going to play a different song off that. I don't play it very much. The Clash.

3:03:01Phoenix. I grabbed Social D's new record that comes out tomorrow. It'll be good. Sweet. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next. Enjoy the rest of your MLK day. If you have the day off, relax. Take a load off and listen to Hillary. We will see you tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. The Mikey Show is out late.