The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 01/19/11
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
adoption anxietyTijuana sewage spillmystery beach breadLance Armstrong dopingCoachella and parenthoodstudio fart debateEskimo's poem songRegis retirementmissing SharpiesLyrical Chairsgut punch challengeadoption
Woods spoke candidly about being too afraid of a failed adoption to celebrate until his parents actually met the baby, while the crew turned his conflict over attending Coachella into a proposed family work trip. Lauren O'Brien's mysterious beach loaves, Jay's sewage-tainted surfing, Mikey's accidental fart and Eskimo Blue Waters singing Mikey's private poem supplied the show's strangest running jokes. The hosts seriously debated the evidence against Lance Armstrong and whether Regis Philbin retired voluntarily, then Rebecca exposed Mikey himself as the person taking the studio's supposedly stolen Sharpies home. Sienna scored a rare game victory with 'Bombs Over Baghdad,' and Lauren's on-camera gut-punch challenge ended with Woods hit below the belt and promising revenge.
What happened, in order
Adoption nerves
Woods admitted that he could not fully celebrate the coming adoption because he feared the birth mother might change her mind, and said it would feel real only when his parents met the baby at the airport.
Poop-surfing panic
The crew reacted to a 1.3-million-gallon-a-day sewage spill from Tijuana by teasing Jay for surfing as the contaminated current moved north.
Bread on the beach
Lauren O'Brien casually revealed that she had seen dozens of large, unwrapped loaves wash onto La Jolla Shores, leaving everyone to invent increasingly absurd explanations.
Armstrong under suspicion
The hosts discussed the federal doping evidence against Lance Armstrong and argued over whether his Tour de France titles should be stripped and why steroid scrutiny seemed harsher in cycling and baseball than in the NFL
Coachella versus fatherhood
Woods loved the Coachella lineup but said he could not abandon Jamie and their weeks-old adopted baby, prompting the crew to scheme about turning the festival into a family work trip.
The accidental fart
Mikey accidentally farted while laughing, and the crew spent the next several minutes arguing whether the boss had permanently legalized farting in the studio.
The stolen poem song
Eskimo Blue Waters ambushed Mikey by turning his private, embarrassing poem into a mock power ballad while Woods helped perform it and claimed songwriting credit.
Was Regis pushed out?
After playing Regis Philbin's retirement announcement, the group debated whether the 79-year-old chose to leave or had been quietly forced out despite the show's strong ratings.
The Sharpie thief revealed
Rebecca called with photographic evidence that Mikey had been carrying the missing Sharpies, pens and other studio supplies home in his lunchbox, vindicating Woods and Jay after months of accusations.
Sienna's lyrical upset
In a city-themed round of Lyrical Chairs, Sienna unexpectedly beat the more competitive hosts with Outkast's 'Bombs Over Baghdad' and won a Safari Park trip for caller Irie Panda.
Gut-punch challenge
Lauren punched Jay and Woods in the stomach on camera, but Jay's prank grab made Woods take a second blow below the belt and immediately start plotting revenge.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLauren O'BrienSiennaJayJamieEskimo Blue WatersLance ArmstrongRegis PhilbinRebeccaIrie Panda
27,862 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
How is it I've heard something a million times still gets me? I was just going to ask you. I was just going to look at you and go, still? Still funny. Still with the Trilolo? Yeah, because he's not kidding. That's funny. That's funny. He's not getting around. Being serious, and that's funny. Same deal with American Idol. When they're serious and it's goofy, that's funny. You meant that, didn't you, Khalil? Welcome to the show. It's a Mikey show. And today is Wednesday. And immediately we want to tell you that if you have not hit the roads yet, there's already one of those child abduction things up. Yeah. What is it, Sienna? It's an 03 Corolla with a child abduction. And the license plate number is a California license. And it's six.
H as in Henry, B as in Bob, W445 is the license plate number. So keep your eyes open for an 03 Corolla with that license plate. Usually when they know what the vehicle is, they have the license plate and all that stuff, usually it's one of these dads. The dad and the mom are going to fight. For the kids. So awesome for the kids. Yeah. So anyway. It may not be that though. It may not be. Someone may have seen someone take a kid and drive away. Could be. We'll keep you updated. We'll keep telling you about it. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I'm 40 years old. Woodsy is our sports guy, and he is 35 years of age. He's adopting a baby. They're going to have their baby in March. Yes. So soon. Very soon. And open phones right now, 570-194-9. You can call us about anything you want right now. You can comment. You can ask questions. Anything you want. It's open forum. So it's your show. L.O.B., otherwise known as Lauren O'Brien, is with us this morning. And she is our assistant producer and also happens to be a stand-up comedian. It's the way that I found her on YouTube. So I found her. Sienna is 25 years of age and is our news girl. And she's got a little baby named Sage who's four months old.
And the guy in the Go-Go Gadget t-shirt is our producer. 47 years old. Peter Pan. Huh? Peter Pan. Yeah. Peter Pan Isbell. Fly with me. That's right. And he is, yeah, he's 47. Our phone screener today is Chris. Let's see. If you want to, you can text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. We're going to do a little soundboard, mess around today, mess around with the soundboard with Obama. Oh, wow. Yeah. Well, the soundboard person is actually Harrison Ford. Oh. But we're going to see what it would sound like if President Obama got messed around with the soundboard. He's pranking the White House. Yeah. Harrison Ford was. So we'll do that. And then also Eskimo Blue Water is making a stop by the studio today at 8.
And that should be good. Word of the day today, aqua. Aqua is the word of the day. When you hear me say the word aqua between now and 10, you will get dinner for two at Pample Moose, or as Jay says, Pampa Moose. Pampa Moose. Dinner for two. Pampa Moose. Dinner for two at Pampa Moose. Real good food there. On January 25th at 6 o'clock at night. And you're in charge of booze and gratuity. And we'll also give you tickets to go see Ozo Motley January 21st at Belly Up. Good show. Yeah. So there you go. Let's see. M1, Mr. Dodgeball from Southeast San Diego. What's going on? I love the show. Just wanted to give a little shout out to Jay. You know what I'm saying? Whatever he said in his little preview line. Don't laugh. Don't crack up. Thank you. That's very nice of you to say.
The greatest. Very nice of you to say. Thank you very much. Congratulations, Woods. Thank you. You think you guys would get any funny stories out of me and my kid? It's going to be good gold. That's right. Thank you. Thank you, bro. First time I changed a diaper in a hazmat suit. Woods, when he opens up a bag of dog food, starts to gag because of the smell. I've thrown up. I have thrown up in my yard opening a bag of dog food. In the yard. You're a child. Just wait. I've already told Jamie. I've got the whole thing ready. I'm done. I'm getting surgical gloves. I'm going to have a picture on my nose. And I'm going to wear my ski goggles. Oh, 100. You're going to scare that baby. I think you'll be fine with the changing of diapers. I won't be. But. The spit-up is going to get you. And that's what's interesting. The spit-up goes on my face, in my hair. Sagey spit up on me one time, and I was like, oh, it's just a little spit-up. It's...
You know why? Spit up doesn't smell. It does. Yeah, it does. Not bad. It smells like milk. It smells bad sometimes. Dude, the diaper. The diaper. I have five dogs. I pick up a lot of poop. And I sometimes pick it up and go. And I get a waft and I go. Dog poo smells way worse. Way worse than baby poop. No way. When they're little, it doesn't. It's not that bad. But as the baby gets older, it's way worse. I'm going to be in a full. It's just going to be a full bit to this. You'll build up a tolerance. I promise you. Yeah, it's pretty bad. M1 Frankly from San Diego is on the line. Hi, Frankly. Frankie, but either way. Frankie, that was my screw-up. I did. I screwed that up. Yeah, Chris. I didn't do it. Chris Noel, dude. Go ahead, Frankie. Just wanted to say I love this show, man. I wake up listening to you guys every day solid. And just wanted to give a loud shout out to Woodsy, man, from the bottom of my heart. I'm so stoked for you, brother. Thank you, dude. There you go, man. We're very excited. Thank you, bro. You too. I may have ordered something for Woodsy's baby shower over the weekend. And I'm so excited for it to get there. You guys, I am still so cautiously excited. I can't let myself just...
dive in and be like, oh my god, my child. I'm still like... Because they're adopting. Because we're adopting, man. I'm worried that they're going to lose a baby because she may decide to keep the baby or whatever. And, you know, here's the thing, Woodsy. At some point, you've got to enjoy it. I can't. I can't. When is the shower? January 29th. That's soon. Yeah, and the baby's not, I'm like, you know me, I'm kind of a pessimist, and I'm like, you ever just count your chickens? You just count them up real good? Should we just paint the room blue and make it right? Everyone has a deep, dark feeling. I can't let myself be fired up yet. That's normal. I'm excited, I'm nervous, but I'm not like. When will you? The day, I told LLB this the other day, when we get off the plane from Colorado and my parents are waiting. with the Suburban, with the car seat in it, they're going to fly out here when we go to Colorado. Right. When we get off that plane and they meet their grandson is when I'll be truly, it'll hit home. Right. That's when it'll all come together. Everything's good. Yep. I'll be just like waiting at your house. Yeah, everybody. I hope all you guys are, man. It's exciting. It's very exciting. It's so nerve-wracking, though, dude. I'm sleeping like...
Four to five hours a night because my brain just doesn't turn off. Yeah. It's all I think about. Man. It's crazy. That will continue. Yeah. Welcome to being a parent. Yeah. You just don't sleep. There was a sewage spill. Speaking of being a parent. Oh, boy. Wow. It's disgusting. I knew I was forgetting one story. Sewage spill. This is bad. This was on the cover of the UT. Now, brace yourselves. Brace yourselves. Now, okay. It's all from a ruptured pipe, and it's south of the border. This is in Tijuana. And estimated 1.3 million gallons a day of sewage going into the water. A day. Now, this is, they're saying, the largest single incident to affect San Diego County in the past decade. Would you prefer it be oil or poo-poo? Oil or sewage? Sewage. Oh, my God. It's poop. Yeah, but it'll wash away. Will it? Oil and water don't mix. Poo-poo does. Jay went surfing yesterday. Yeah, I've been always surfing all the way. The currents don't move up here. They move the other way. Oh, that's fine. They're moving north, I believe. They're moving that fast. They're moving north, yeah. Jay has poop on them right now. Jay has poop on you.
Currents commonly push north into the U.S. Gross. Why do you love to surf and poo? Yeah, Jay. Why are you a poo surfer? Hey, you can do what you do. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, but a lot of surfers and other people that go on the water are really nervous because this is bad. This is 1.3 million gallons of sewage a day coming from Tijuana. And this is just Tijuana, not south in Baja or anything. Really, with the Tijuana? That's the proper way. What am I supposed to say? He wants you to say Tijuana. Tijuana? Like a white guy. Tijuana. It's Tijuana. It's Tijuana. Tijuana. Really? Oh, my God. It's you? It's happening in Tijuana. It's Tijuana. Maybe you grew up here. Sienna! I'm from here. I'm from here. You're not from Mexico. I'm from San Diego, and it's Tijuana. Yeah, don't get on somebody for doing it the right way. I'm from San Diego. I'm leaving San Diego. San Diego. San Diego. I'll just say TJ. Tijuana. I don't say Tijuana. That sounds weird. Tijuana. I think that the area... Tijuana is so great. I think that the area that I would... I wasn't even aware I was doing it. The area that I would least like to be would be like Chula Vista. Because it's closer to Tijuana.
El Cajón. You wouldn't be affected in El Cajón. See, Woods, you don't say El Cajón. Right, but I don't say it with a Spanish accent either. El Cajón. El Cajón. I don't say like... El Cajón. Tijuana. I don't say like quesadilla. I say quesadilla. But you say Tijuana. Because... I don't know. Yeah, why do you? She's saying it correctly. I've been to Tijuana many times. Call it Tijuana. You grew up in La Oya. La Oya. La Oya. You're Irish. I know, but for whatever reason, I've heard of TJ my entire life. You know, so. Tijuana. It's just I say Tijuana. So I just, are they going to do anything about it? Are they going to plug it up? They're going to try. They're not just going to, you know, let it go forever, but they're working on it. And Baja wastewater officials said yesterday that the major problem started last weekend. So it's been going on for a while. And they're acting as quickly as possible to. Yeah, you know what they're going to do? They're going to fill it with adobe and hope that it.
Maybe they put up signs so that we know there's poo water. Well, in Mexico, some of the beaches down there have obviously been closed, and I think they're going to keep moving their way up and closing beaches because the current's coming north. Great. I have a surfboard for sale. It's a 9-6. I got it at South Coast. It'll be on Craigslist this afternoon. You'll be fine. It's a good thing there was millions of tourists in the water. It's a big ocean. Oh, my gosh. What if you saw TP floating around? What if you did? I saw a lot of bread in La Jolla. Are you sure there was bread? Yeah. There was a bunch of bread washed up. I was like, what is that? That's disgusting. It was huge loaves everywhere. Loaves? Yeah. Are you being serious? I'm serious. Wait. On Sunday. You were out at the beach on Sunday. Which beach? La Jolla Shores. And you saw... Washed up. Loaves. Gigantic loaves of bread. And I was like, where does that come from? Where did you get those mushrooms? Why are we just now hearing about this four days later? I didn't think that it would make an impact on anybody. Really? Loaves of bread washing up on the shore? There's like dozens and dozens of loaves. Maybe something happened on a boat. You guys didn't hear about the bakery truck that crashed into the water? Did anybody else see them, Lauren?
Or is it just you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, I didn't think it was that big a deal. But if it is, just so you guys know, there were also pianos. I saw an anvil. Yeah, tons of grand pianos washing up. People were like poking it with a stick. Like, what is that? I'm like, it's the bread. It's the bread. It's the bread. I love the bread. I saw it. It's bread. She's Italian, too. It's bread. It's the bread. How many loaves would you guess? Dozens. Wow. Maybe like four or five dozen. Wow. Why is it bread? So baker's dozen. Not a baker's dozen. Was it, were they like wrapped in like wonder bread wrapping or just bread? No, it was like fresh bread. Wow. There were different sizes, but some of them were gigantic. How do you know it was fresh? If anybody else saw that, please call us and tell us what the heck is going on. I mean, it wasn't, it wasn't, it was fresh in the regard that it wasn't sliced up in a plastic bag. Okay, I'm with you. Like a baguette. Yeah. And macaroni and cheese. It was a delicious day at the beach. Okay. I was just waiting for some pastrami and maybe some cheese to wash. Nice little sundae. Lance Armstrong is in a lot of trouble. Yeah, there's a guy named Jeff Nowitzki. He is an agent for the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. And he oversaw the cases against Barry Bonds and Marion Jones. And he has some new evidence.
On Lance Armstrong, there is a federal grand jury that is meeting and they are deciding if they are going to indict him based on his years with the U.S. Postal Service. There was an organized doping operation from 99 to 2004. And there's going to be a new story coming out in January, the January 24th issue of SI about all these findings. And it looks pretty gnarly for Lance, who has been extra vocal about his non-involvement with. steroids and performing enhancing drugs. And this would be, out of all of them, this would be the capper. The seven time, you know, Tour de France winner. Do they strip them? Do they take them away? They have to. The cancer, you know, the live strong. Live strong. I can't imagine. Sheryl Crow. Yeah, Sheryl Crow. You would think about it. Would that reflect on like her albums or anything? Right. Probably up the sales. Yeah.
But you would think maybe if he was in the hospital for cancer and stuff like that, the doctors would have been like, there isn't a large amount of testosterone. You know what I mean? They would have found something. Not if they're not looking for it. Not if they're not looking for it. And it could have started after. A lot of these guys in baseball, for instance, they did a lot of steroids. And a lot of times they did it for the healing process. Not so much to bulk up. Some of them did. But a lot of times they took it because it speeds you or cuts it in half. They got to get back on the field. And so with Armstrong, Beating cancer, coming back and winning the Tour de France the next year. And it's remarkable. We were all behind the story. How does he get behind through the testing, though? They test him all the way later. There are so many ways around testing. And that's what this thing is going to be about. It surprises me that it wasn't an NFL deal. I mean, it was. Years ago, and then they instrumented the laws. But you don't hear about NFL players really getting around it except for Merriman. That was the last one I can remember. No, that's always been my beef with the NFL is that they have grand jury hearings and Senate hearings on Major League Baseball. There are steroids in the NFL right now. There are guys busted last year. I wonder why it's not such a big deal. You don't hear about it. Why? I don't know. It drives me batty.
It drives me batty. And, you know, it's just one of those things. It's like my number one thing I rail against, man. It's not fair. Well, didn't all the stuff with the baseball players really start when all the home run records were getting smashed? Yeah, there were home run records being, you know, just obliterated. You know what else I think kind of made it seem like maybe something was going on? is that Barry Bonds' neck was the size of a redwood tree. Right. I think a lot of people were like, that's kind of weird. Wasn't that way last year? Barry Bonds looked like Jay. He did. And then he came in and he looked like a bear. The Hulk. The Hulk. So anyway, that's the deal. Back tonight, by the way. With the new judges, Jennifer Lopez, Steven Tyler from Aerosmith, And Ryan Seacrest still saying American Idol. And Randy Jackson. Yep. Who I hear is going to be the mean judge. Oh, boy. Yeah. I can't wait. Oh, boy. Step up to the plate, dog.
Oh, wow. Well, American Idol, okay, this is the 10th season. And among some of the changes that we know of, there's now going to be a Las Vegas audition round. There's going to be a sudden death round that determines the top 12, which they've never done before. And they're returning the Idol mansion where all the contestants live together. You see video of them living together in this mansion. The age limit has also been dropped to 15. Raise the age limit. I want them to raise the age limit. So that they're older? 15. They don't let you. participate in auditions if you're over 27. Wow. So there's going to be 15 year olds living with... Yeah. Oh my gosh. And another one of the big changes and this could be great and it could be awful. Contestants now have the opportunity to perform original material. Oh wow. I'm going to vote awful on that. No. Maybe it'll be good. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe EBW gets in there. Maybe she gets in there. That would be so funny. Maybe she does. That would be great. Too late now. We'll see. Season 11. Oh, my gosh. The next time American Idol does auditions, we're sending Eskimo. Yeah, yeah. A thousand. Oh, yeah. Hi, guys. I want to perform. It's an original piece I did. And it sounds just like some Jennifer Lopez song. Yeah. J-Lo's the judge. She's like.
That sounds a lot like my song. She doesn't age, Jennifer Lopez. I'm so jealous of her. Not my type. Oh, I think she's so pretty. Zero. Not my type. What? Not my type. You guys are nuts. She's gorgeous. Oh, man. No. If I were going to go Latina, I would go Cruz. What's her name? Penelope. Really? Yes. Penelope Cruz? What about Eva Mendes? Are you kidding me? Eva Mendes. Eva Mendes. Penelope Cruz, to me, not trying to be a jerk, kind of looks like a rat. A rat? A rat. No way. You are crazy. She looks to me. Bird, mouse, clown. Mouse. Thousand percent. Mouse. She's beautiful. She's beautiful. Every woman looks like a bird or a mouse or a clown. Yes. I saw Penelope Cruz in a movie and she had hairy armpits like for the role. Yeah. And she lifted up her arm and I was like. Now that's all I see. Wouldn't bother me. Wouldn't bother me. I mean, it would bother me if she had hairy armpits, but if I saw it in a movie, I'd go, it's a movie and she'll shave. I think she's a method act. I think she's filthy. Filthy gross. Never been attracted. I like Eva Mendes. It's more my stuff.
Girl crushes. Yeah. I'm like, wow, J-Lo. Her skin is so soft. Woods is making me Google image and picture of Penelope Cruz. She's dynamite. So that he will change his. I will not. I've been saying it for years. You're telling me that that is not a beautiful woman. Wrap. She is very ratty. Ratty. Oh, my God. She's a rat. What? I told you. Did you see her, like, scurrying on the floor? I would love to see her scurrying on the floor. Oh, boy. I could see her feet stuck to a piece of tape. Real good. Just squealing. You're awful. You hear a snap in the middle of the night. I think we've got a Penelope. We got her. We got her. Yeah, never liked her. Penelope is a name you would name a rat, too. No, it is. No way. Yeah, this is my rat. That was my fake bar name. Woods. Yes. Sales challenge. Sales challenge. Oh, gosh. That's what I call. Every single time you say, oh, that girl is not hot, I say sales challenge. What that means is if our sales manager walked in here today,
with Penelope Cruz in a business suit and said, this is our new sales girl, Penelope. I'd go, hi, Penelope. Nice to have you here. Go get me a couple of endorsements and appearances. And a block of cheese. And a block of Gruyere cheese. Oh, boy. Wrong. Wrong. She would walk out and you would go like this. Oh. Oh, well. She's ratty. She's ratty. Ratatouille. She's ratty. What would Woods do, Sienna? I would say she's a rack. When the door goes, boom. It closes, he'd be like, ooh, nice rack. She doesn't have a nice rack. She has a nice rack. He would go, yes, L-O-B, nailed it. And she got it right. Woodsie would go, Woodsie would go, mamacita. Oh, mamacita. Not with her. I mean, dude, I'm telling you. Oh, please. Since she came out, everyone was like, oh, yeah. And I would say, I would go, that girl's beautiful. Nope. That girl is beautiful. She was in Vanilla Sky, and that was the first time I was like, in the divorce that she talked like this, I was like, dude, get out. She was in Blow, and she made me so mad. So disgusting. You guys are crazy. Scoring on the floor. So, Gabby Gifford, that's the representative that was shot in Tucson? Yeah.
Her husband's name is Mark Kelly. I don't know why they have different names, but they have different names. Anyway, his name is Mark Kelly. And he did, well, let me say this. He allowed something that will possibly upset women bad. Oh, wow. And I want to know if, you know, dudes, I want you to ask yourself, would you have allowed this to happen? We'll tell you what it is next. I have to explain to the audience what's going on. Oops, sorry. Our equipment, we're hitting the button for the equipment to start? No, I'm sorry. What, Woodsy? It sticks sometimes. It does? Got it now. Ready? Here we go. That's just how you live. Oh, take, take, take it all, but you never give. Number one pop song in the country, Bruno Mars. I'm loving this song right now. Bruno Geek.
It's kind of violent, though. The song's called Grenade. Didn't you say you're... Yeah, Jenna, my stepdaughter, who's nine, you have to listen to the chorus. The chorus will play, and she said, would you do this for Dad? Would you do this for me? Listen to this. I'd throw myself on a grenade for you. I'd throw my hand on a bullet. I'd jump in front of a train for you. Wouldn't that be great if Bruno Mars actually did that? But I thought it was funny. Jenna's listening. She's like, would you do that for dad? I was like, yeah, of course. She's like, would you do that for me? Would you for Sage? You're like, stop listening to the lyrics. Just stop listening. Just listen to the beat. I think that's really cool, though. I don't think those lyrics are bad. I think that that's cool. Like, I would jump on a grenade for you. I'd do anything for you. I love you. Catch a grenade. You're my family. Put my hand on a blade. Yeah. Would you really? It's kind of scary, though. I'd jump in front of a train. I just don't think about doing it, you know?
You know. I would do it. I guarantee he wouldn't do any of this. 100% L.M.B. I shot my jaw. Why? Why do you think so? He's just saying it because it's cliches that sound nice with Melody. You are such a cynic. She's a cynic. I'm a realist. I'm with you, kid. You guys, I would. He loves. No, you wouldn't. I would, too. You wouldn't. You would. For my woman? Yeah. What do you think I would do? Be like... Freaking killer. Yeah, killer. First of all, it's never going to happen. No, but I mean, hypothetically, what do you think? Why would you ever? I'd take a bullet. Yes. That's it. Jumping in front of a train would be pretty tough. No, I'd obviously push her out of the way. Well, then you would get hit by the train. Of course. Would you? You wouldn't have to. Yes! Hey, bro. I'd do it for my dogs, okay? So, yeah, I'd do it for my wife. Yeah. You'd be quick enough to get both of you out of the way if you're a real man. Oh, boy. There you go. I love it. But that just doesn't sound good in a song. I would push you out of the way first, and then I'd push myself out of the way. It just doesn't work. I would try really hard to save my own skin, then save you.
Take that blade and flip it upside down so it didn't cut my hand or your hand. I get a twofer. I would really try to save myself because I don't want to get hurt. Why would he ever have to put his hand on a blade? And if I had a little time left over, I guess I'd save you. Why would he put his head on a plate? No, I would catch a grenade for you, put my hand on a blade for you, jump in front of a train for you. Of course you thought. Why are you playing catch with a grenade in the first place? I would put my head on a plane. You could eat me like a bowl of clam chowder. I like it. At first I was like, this song is weird, but it's really grown on me. And now every time, I don't really like the verses, but the chorus I love. It's powerful. Why does it say... drink a glass of champagne for you. It doesn't, L.O.B. It says, I would take a grenade for you. Oh, I thought it was saying, I would drink some champagne for you. Who wouldn't do that? And I was like, I'll do that. I would go and get laid for you. News. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, some good news at San Diego State. They are preparing to welcome...
4,100 new students today. Now, this is the first time that they've opened admittance for the spring semester since 2008 because of the budget cutback. So it's good news for SDSU. Also, there's a video floating around. Really, really crazy. It shows two women climbing up the border fence between the U.S. and Tijuana. And, I mean, this is... I'm sure you've all seen this fence if you've ever been to Mexico. It's the concrete-filled steel pipes, and there's like two layers of them, two rows. And these women climb it in 18 seconds. 18 seconds. And just so you know, this costs this fence to have up taxpayers on average about $4 million per mile of the border fence. So maybe why do we have that? Also, really quick, a real sad story happened in Encinitas at the Beacons Beach yesterday. A surfer actually died in the water, 58-year-old David Kim. They think that he drowned, but I'm sure you saw if you live anywhere near there. It was quite a commotion, and he was rushed to the hospital. He was announced dead at the hospital. But really sad. Be real careful in that water. And if you haven't seen the cover of the UT and you didn't hear me earlier, there's a sewage spill in Mexico. So I wouldn't go in the water right now. It's only reached Coronado. Jay said that the waves were gigantic. They were.
They were big. And the weather is so nice. Everyone wants to go to the beach. Did you surf, Jay? Yeah, I did. It was the kind of day that you try to sit a little inside because the waves were breaking inside. But then also this big outside set would come in and there were like five wave sets to just hold you down. You'd come up at times. I actually came up and I had an ice cream headache because I'd been in the deep down cold water for so long. And then you'd look up and there's like, oh, great. Here comes four more. Jay, you know what I call that? That's what I call a whitewash day. That's when the kid just rides whitewashed into the beach all day. You would have even been in trouble in the whitewash. Yeah, you couldn't. That was the thing. The waves were just still breaking. It was a shore break there. I ride whitewash with the best of them. It was some shore break there. You would have gotten nailed. I'm the Kelly Slater of whitewash surfing, okay? You're an ankle slapper champion. As I was coming in, two people had this little life raft thing, and they were going to kick out with their flippers. Oh, boy. And they had all this gear in the boat. I was looking at them. I was like. No way. Don't do it. And it was over a reef. They were walking out of a reef, and the girl had just like a two-piece bathing suit on. I was like, not a good plan. You're going to die. Hey, I know you're from Wisconsin. You're excited to get in the water. Just relax. Be safe. Listen, I know Oshkosh is real cold this time of year, and you're just happy to be in 75-degree weather, but maybe take it down a notch. Beach Betty. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, the...
Fans of the San Diego Chargers are a little bit excited because the Chargers for 2011, which may be their last year in San Diego, have dropped season ticket prices on certain seats, about 6,500 seats in Qualcomm. The prices will be lower from about $63 to $54 a game. They're hoping this helps with... You know, the six blackouts we had last year, hoping it's going to sell out. Six blackouts. Something like that. And then Auburn's Gene Chizik won the Bear Bryant College Coach of the Year Award. Obviously had a perfect season, won the national championship. So congratulations to Gene Chizik, a guy that they did not want to hire at Auburn. And the fans were very up in arms about. Well, they're loving him now, for sure. Coach of the Year. Before we went to break, I said that Representative Gifford, who was shot in Arizona, you know, she's doing a lot better. And her husband was talking about something that happened in the hospital room. And I just wanted to see what people thought about it. She stuck her hand up on the side of my face this morning. And I leaned over. And then she spent 10 minutes giving me, and this is her, so typical of her. She's in the ICU, you know, gone through this traumatic injury. And she spent 10 minutes giving me a neck massage. Now, that's very sweet.
Reminded me a little bit of Woodsy's story about Scott Weiland. Scott Weiland's wife was in the hospital giving birth to their son. Don't even say it. It makes me so mad. Scott Weiland was very stressed. Very tense. He was tense, man. It's a tense thing for a dad. It's a tense thing. Your wife's giving birth. She's laying there and you're seeing her in such pain. It's a tough thing for a guy to go through. You're watching her have to go through all this pain and it's stressful. So what do you do? You call a masseuse to come down to her. For your wife. No, no, no, no, no. For yourself. For you. For you, the husband. Because you're stressed. Yeah. Your wife's going through all this pain and you're like, oh my gosh, I'm not used to seeing her like this. I need the knots. So tough on the guy. Worked out. I didn't even want Todd to sit down when I was in there. I needed him right there, you know. I would lose my mind. Yeah. I would lose my mind. This one to me is. It's different. It's different because that's probably part of their marital routine. She does that to him and that probably is helping her. She's becoming herself again after this trauma. Babe, listen. I know you took a bullet to the head. I know that. My neck is still... It's killing me. If he asked for it, then yes. But if she put her hand up there and did it herself and he's like, no, no.
You're obviously not capable of doing this. How about if he was like, babe, come on, don't mail it in. You're going through the motions here, and I need you to step up your game. Listen, if you don't want to, just don't. Then not go the other side. And don't half-ass it, okay? If you're going to do it, don't half-ass it. Because you know what? I don't even want the neck massage if you're going to do it like that. You're not going to put some muscle into it. So your hand is working, huh? Oh, my. I'm just saying. That was Jay, by the way, for all of those that get us confused. That was a great call, Jay. That was great. It's Jay at LincolnFinancialMedia.com. So anyway, there you go. There he is talking about his wife. Let's see. Oh. Guess what? The announcement has been made. For what? Coachella. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's a killer lineup. Want to know who's going to be at Coachella? As you know, it's a Friday, Saturday, Sunday thing. And it's April 15th, 16th, and 17th. And here's who we're talking. Friday night. Kings of Lyon. What? Woodsy. You must be ecstatic. I've got a newborn.
Not allowed to go. Already been told. Oh. I'll film it for you. Cry me a river. You can go next year. You went and saw him already. Twice. I'm not allowed to go. It's work, you know. Maybe just go one night. I'm not allowed. Why don't you go and drive back? Not allowed. It's not that you're not allowed. It's that I'm not allowed and she doesn't want to miss it. And we're not going to, you know, we've had the kid three weeks be like, hey, zero, watch our kid for the weekend. That's more fair for Jamie because she likes the Kings of Leon and she won't be able to go. So, you know. What if he has to broadcast? I work here. What if he has to broadcast? It's work. Broadcast. I don't have to. We're not broadcasting. If we were, that would be a work trip. We are. We are. But we are. We're not. No. If we were all going. Last year, they wanted you to, wouldn't they? Yeah, and I did. And I thought I did a pretty good job. Yeah, you did. I enjoyed it more than. It wasn't required of you. No, but it was definitely. You know, something that was appreciated and they wanted. Yeah. They want it. Yeah. They want it. They don't require it, but they want it. While he was there, they wanted it. No, he asked me before. They didn't call him to come up. Yeah, they did. Yeah, but they. He sent me my interview list. I had to, like, do research on these bands. Because you were already coming. Because GMT. Yeah. I said I wanted to do it. Here it is. I still want to do it. Kings of Leon. Next year. Not a lot. Your baby's worth it. Next year. The Black Keys. Interpol. Chemical Brothers. Filthy. Filthy. Let's see.
Lauren Hill. Oh. Brandon Flowers. Crystal Castles. Castles. That's a great band. Crystal Castles. Crystal Castles? Yeah. Magnetic Man. Eric Murillo. Or is it Murillo? CeeLo Green. Or is it Key Law? Good. CeeLo. CeeLo Green. Cut Copy. Cold War Kids. Sleigh Bells. Boy's Noise. Oh, Boy's Noise will be there. Afro Jack, Floggy Molly. L-O-B. War Paint. Ozo Motley. So, pretty good lineup on Friday night. Dang. Wow. That's just Friday. That's Friday. That's just Friday. That's Friday. And there's a billion other bands, but I'm not going to name off all 50 bands that are playing Friday night. Here's Saturday night. Arcade Fire. Yes. Animal Collective. Mumford and Sons. Yes. Bright Eyes. Cool.
Empire of the Sun, Big Audio Dynamite, Steve Angelo, The Kills, The London Suede, Broken Social Scene, One Day as a Lion, Erykah Badu. Did I say that correctly? Yeah. Or is it Erykah Badu? Paul Van Dyke. Loved him on the Paul Van Dyke show. Fedele Grand. Scissor Sisters. Oh, yeah. The New Pornographers. I don't like the old ones. Cage the Elephant. Not a bunch of other ones. Sunday Night. Oh, wow. Kanye West. That shocks me. Jay-Z was there last year. It was rad. It was with Beyonce. It's awesome. I mean, it's awesome. It shocks me. It's a cool... It's eclectic. Yeah, it's eclectic.
Yeah, I know, but he's been just running mouth so much this year. He always does. Still talented. You mean as opposed to last year? I mean, the year before. Kanye is a mouth runner, man. Yeah, I guess so. He's a Rex Ryan. I was just going to say, who runs more mouth? Rex Ryan or Kanye? Kanye. So Sunday night, Kanye. The Strokes. Oh, man. Duran Duran. Wow. I love it. The National. Great band. PJ Harvey. Great band or great woman. Death from Above. 1979. Wizkid Khalifa. Ratatat. Nas. Wow. And Damian Marley. Jimmy Eat World. It's ridiculous, dude. This is Sunday night. It's the most fun. It's one of the most fun times I've ever had in my life. Ever. She wants revenge. Weird. Lightning Bolt. Green Velvet. Jack's Mannequin. You can't just make up names, Mike. Yeah, I can too. Julia Stone. Angus and Julia Stone or just Julia Stone? Angus and Julia Stone. Holy crap. Wow, that sounds like, I want to see them. That's a solid band out of Portland. Yeah. What? Who, who, who, who, who? City and Color is there Sunday night. There you go. I told you we should do broadcasting there, bro, but you didn't want to.
Mikey. If you do it, I can go. I can't. I can't do it on a Sunday night. We take Monday off. We have a personal day. We have a floating holiday. We just work MLK Day. I might. I might. Then I get to go because I have to work because I'm on the Mikey show. I might. We bring the baby. We bring the baby. We'll get a house. We'll bring the baby. We'll do it up. You know what's weird to me, though, is that it's so strange when you go and all you're going is to see one band. You'd want to see Kanye, bro. Yeah, I would. You'd want to see Kanye. And we're at Nas. We're at Nas. We're in the section where nobody's going to mess with you and shank you and stuff. This is City in Color. Love this guy's voice. He's phenomenal. Phenomenal. Not an inch of his skin doesn't have ink on it. Really? Mm-mm. Can we go next year, please, as a show? It'll be so fun. I think I'm going to. I think I'm going to go. Can I go? Sunday night? Let's go the whole weekend. If we can take that next day off. Ask Garrett. I want to see City in Color. Yes, and that venue would be incredible. I want to see Duran Duran. I want to see Kanye West, and I want to see City in Color. And you want to see Kings of Leon. Yeah, but that's Friday. I know. We'll go over the whole weekend. No! We'll go to the spa in Palm Springs on Saturday. You don't have to go to the show. Okay. The spa convinced him, but not the show. I know. Oh, I wish that hadn't just happened on the air. I know, Mike.
Oh, what a metro. My wife really likes City in Color, too. There you go. Fun for the whole thing. We should rent a house, the Mikey Show house. We'll bring all the kids, do the whole bit, bring Sagey, bring Jenna, and we'll have a little fun, a little broadcast. We'll do the whole thing. It'll be awesome, dude. It's real fun broadcasting with your kids. Once in a lifetime. It's just once in a lifetime. No big deal. It's not fun. You can't even have a conversation with kids. It'll be so fun. This is so fun. This is so fun. Oh, my God. You're animated on that one. This is so fun. My brother calls yesterday. Which brother? Steve. He calls yesterday. And Jake's running around the room. And I rarely pick my phone up. I know. But I saw that it was him. And I'm like, what if it's important? Just pick it up. and he says, hey, dude, I want to ask you for some advice. I said, okay. He says, he tells me the story, and he's asking for my input. So I give him my input, and I said, listen, man, whenever you're looking to make a big decision, always seek wise counsel. I said, so that means more than just me. I said, I always talk to my wife. I said, I really respect her opinion. She's smart. I go, is it cool if I ask her? He goes, yeah.
That's fine. I go, can I put you on speaker? He goes, yeah. So put him on speaker. And I said, babe, she's doing something in the closet. She goes, yeah. And I said, did you hear what I just said to Steve? She goes, yeah. I said, can I tell you the story? I said, Steve knows this guy. And the guy plays keyboard and has a boyfriend. And the boyfriend hired Steve to do some video stuff and isn't paying him. And, you know, here, you know, blah, blah, blah. And Jake starts going, Jake, here's keyboard. Right. Right. Loves musical instruments. Oh, yeah. And he goes, Daddy, does keyboard players boyfriend play keyboard? Does his boyfriend play keyboard? Oh, no. Oh, no. And Rebecca goes.
He got her. They're real good. And I go, I don't know, bub. Let's ask Uncle Steve. He's on speakerphone. Conversation. Maybe he can. Hey, Uncle Steve. You want to tell bubs about keyboard guy's boyfriend? The gay keyboard player. Does he play the keyboard or the organ? Or the flute. Oh. That was final, isn't it? Yeah, go ahead, Uncle Steve. Why don't you take this one away? Fill him in. Did you ever tell Jake? Yeah, you know what Steve did? Steve goes, have fun, buddy. I gotta go. I'm not kidding. That's great. Hey, is there going to be a new version of Punk'd? Can't wait. Wait, listen to that. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait till I tell you who might be the new host. I'll be it. Woods.
You might be hurt, sad, and fearful when I tell you. Really? I accidentally farted. What? Accidentally. I feel vindicated. I feel free. Don't feel free. I'm free now. No, you're not. Apparently, that is the bit now. No. Oh, what? It was like we heard it and then silence. I... I was like, that was real. I thought at least you were going to be like, it was my suit. No cover up. No nothing. Just a bright red Mexican that just farted. Woods made me laugh really, really hard. And as I was laughing, I accidentally farted. We laugh really hard every day, Mike. That's no excuse.
I'm vindicated now. No, you're not. Accidents happen. Yours are on purpose. Mine are all accidents. I'm pregnant. That's why. Mine are all accidents. And apparently this is a safe tree now. You hike your leg. The boss, if the boss does it, then it's okay. No. If you laugh and you accidentally squeak one. That was no squeaker. I was so scared about when those pregnant elements could happen. That was no squeaker. It was exactly like that. No, it was not. Not like that. It was more like mine. It wasn't that. It was identical to... No, it wasn't. It was his toot. It was... Well, now I know that that's in the rules. And I guess rules were made to be broken. So I'm all the way in. You dare. Stuffed up trumpet. Stuffed up trumpet.
I feel like I'm a lot closer to you guys. I feel like I am too. It really helps, so that's maybe the bit. It doesn't help. Do not go in there. It wasn't that. It was noisy but non-deadly. My favorite is doing it and looking at Ella B. as she pulls her shirt up over her face and vomits into the corner. Ella B., why do you tolerate him? I don't. You do. What am I going to do? Excuse me. Kick him out? One time. Fire me. Excuse me. One time you laughed. I did. You did. And I got so mad at LOP. I did. I go. Don't laugh. Encouraging. Because you guys were in the middle of a conversation and Woods was like, you know what I think about that? And Mikey went from like jovial to just blank face. And I was laughing at your face. I did. I go, I got a good answer for you, pal. You guys were like joking around, laughing. Didn't he stand up and walk out? Yes, he did. Mikey left the room. Wasn't there the good timed ones? Oh, they're brilliant.
I'll bring that back. I'll bring it back. Okay. Woodsy or Jay. Woodsy or Jay, have you guys ever had a girlfriend that you made laugh until she farted and then she gets mad? Yes. She gets mad. She's mad. I told you that story. I was actually asleep on her butt. We were laying on the floor and I had my face on her butt. I was laying like this. I was like, oh, happy place. And she kind of did it. That's bad. I was right in my face. She was asleep. Then I punched her in the jowl. She was an Egyptian. It was 482 B.C., so she was an Egyptian. I told you, Cleo? Yeah. Cleo, what are you doing? Cleo. Cleo, wake up. Wake up, girl. Oh, that's okay. Poor girl. So that's the new bit.
No, it's not. No, it isn't. It totally is. No. It's not. It was an accident. Well, I'll make sure that mine sound accidental. Really? Yes. Can't wait. It's going to be a fun place to work. Woods tried to pull that, you know, like he wanted to have it be like a fart environment. And I was like, no, dude. No chance. Because he's the only one. Well, Jay would do it too. Well, he doesn't do it in here. He does it in the privacy of his own studio. Yeah, but sometimes I walk out there and I get hit in the face with one. I'm like, really? When he's in his other studio. Oh, man. Because he's got two studios. He's got the one he's in right now, which is a big room. Yeah. But he's got another one that's like a closet. Yeah, I was knack first so that he can give me through the window maybe like a no. Do not come in here. Now's not the time. Do you guys do that with your husband or wives preemptive before they go into the bathroom? You see them walking in the bathroom and you go, uh-uh. Yeah, absolutely. I always do. I feel humiliated. Wait a couple minutes, babe. Yes, I hate it. I'm humiliated. It's better than the other outcome. Babe. Yeah?
Don't. I'm mortified when he walks in. You guys, you guys don't have to do separate bathrooms. We do. You do? For that. You have a big boy bathroom? Jamie goes downstairs. I go up. Yeah, but what if you just need to go in real quick, number one, and she's been in there? I will go upstairs. You never use her bathroom? Uh-uh. Not if she's been in there. The women that are in our house use the downstairs bathroom. If the door's closed, I don't. I usually put police tape up. And I just leave. Because I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. And it's always when I'm never home. So I'll come home and the door will be closed. I'll be like, I'll be in there next Friday. Yeah, seriously. Closing the door just makes it worse. You can't do it with the door open. Open a window. I thought the aftermath, though. I just always warn. I don't even have to say anything. Kim's like, oh. Really? Oh, yeah. Even the door and windows and sprays. It's because you eat alfalfa and hay. See a doctor, yeah. That's because he eats too healthy. All right. Well, it should be a fun meeting today. That was an accident. Okay. Mine will be, too. No woods. Yep. Sorry. The door's been open, man. Pandora's. I'll go to HR. Pandora's. It's a bodily function. Pandora's box has been open. It hasn't. Apparently, anything goes. Eskimo blue waters will be in a date.
It's okay. We'll do soundboard phone calls. I don't love it. She loves it. She loves it. When they're silent, I don't like it. I like the noise. When I hear it, it makes me laugh. They're funny. I know they are, except when they're mine. Yeah, they're not funny when you do it. They're not funny. Listen. When they smell. They're funny to hear, but they're not funny to experience. Yeah, you're dangerous. Am I? That's all I'm saying. You're not. Oh, what? This is a sound effects library app. Oh, you're playing that? I thought Jay was doing it. No, this is a sound effects library. Let's see. I had the fart app on my iPhone for a while. The iFart is brilliant. It's so fun. It's brilliant. That was me a couple Fridays ago. Driving to work. It's still going. Oh, no, it's not. Driving to work. Oops. Oops!
Wow, we have descended. That is the one. By the way, that's the one. That Mike did. No, that's the one that when I went to that first men's retreat of my life, okay? Me, six dudes in there, and I wake up early, and I'm just kind of laying there, and it's dead silent. You hear it. Was it you? No. No. It was a dude on the top bunk. Oh, my gosh, again. I'm at work right now. Yeah, this is work. The loud ones, that's like a punch. Those are the best. Pop. Here's Pipsqueak. No, that was good. Loud. Oh. That was wood. We have descended. This is the only thing, by the way, that my mother-in-law says. She goes, the only thing that you guys ever do that I just don't get is when you guys talk about farts or when you play.
It's because you don't have a wiener. Same with my wife. My wife is like, I don't understand it. She goes, can you explain it to me? I go, babe, it sounds funny. It sounds funny. It's hysterical. I told you guys this story a couple weeks ago. Our housekeeper was at our house and I was changing Sage's diaper and she does not speak a word of English. Not at all. And I'm like pretty bad at Spanish. And I'm changing Sage's diaper and she farted and the housekeeper died. laughing and we're all laughing. Even if he's just laughing. Everyone thinks they're funny, I thought. That's so great. Wow. LRB, are you out too? You don't get it either? You know, the element of surprise is real good with the fart humor, but then I get over it. You are over it. I want to save that one loud one. Just play that every once in a while. It's funny because Rebecca laughs when Jake does it. Because it's the element of surprise. Yeah. Just unexpected. One little toot and go. Yeah. Toot and go. It's terrible. You think we'll be a farting family in my house with my new baby? Oh, gosh. I think I'll be encouraging it. I've never farted in front of Rebecca or Jake or anything. I think I'll teach my kid how to buttercup real good. Oh, Jenna does it. Todd does it. Oh, gosh. Sage will do it.
I was supposed to tell you about who might be doing Punk'd. Oh, yeah. Who might be taking over Punk'd. Let's see what Woods thinks about this. Particularly Woods. Can we guess? No, because you might guess. Oh, okay. Because I've already said Woods will not like it. Was on The Tonight Show last night. Ashton Kutcher was on The Tonight Show being interviewed by Leno. I heard this rumor that you're bringing the show Punk back, which I love. But Justin Bieber. Oh, good God. But Justin Bieber may be the host. Is that true? Woods. Wow. You did. Come on. Yo, man, you got Punk, dog. Yo, man, you just got Punk. That would be bad. You didn't even see it coming. I saw him the other night at the Golden Globes, and he, first of all, couldn't read off the cue card. He's not old enough to read yet. He's like, yeah, man, this next one's for animation of comedy. It's animated comedy. You're a little too old, pal. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. First of all, I really can't talk about it because everything is sort of in process and in dealing. So it's a possibility. It's a possibility that it could be. I can tell you right now, I will not be hosting the show.
In the future? Why? There's so many other projects. Working with Scorsese and David Fincher. What is he doing? Is he doing anything? No. He's taking cool pics. Cool pics. From one douche to another, dude. Ashton to Bieber. Ashton's a douche in your book? Yes. His punk show kind of made me like him more. Oh, man. Because he did some pretty good pranks. I read an interview about him. Zach Galifianakis gave it. And Galifianakis was in a movie with him. Ashton came up, he's like, yo, dude, you funny, man. If you made the Kutsch laugh, you can make anybody laugh. And from that moment on, I went, what a tool. People were afraid that I was going to punk them wherever I went. And I'm like starting to get invited to stuff again. And I like it. It's actually a good thing. So I'm kind of like, I'll be involved to some capacity if we do it. And there could be a new host, but I really can't say a whole lot about it. So what are they going to do if it's Justin Bieber, like one of the most famous people in the world? They see him coming? Well, I thought the whole idea was that Kutcher didn't come out until after the person had been pumped. Yeah, he comes out in the end. Yo, dog, I'll be on tour for a while, but, you know, I'd do it. I'd do it. If they asked me to do it, I'd do it. Yeah, I mean, don't you see it? I've got to ask my mom's butt.
I think it would raise your celebrity. Man, I'm pretty famous, man. I sleep with 42-year-old women. You're 16 or 17? Yeah. And you're with 42-year-old? Yeah, 42, 35. You know, I get them all. I get some all. I get some all? I ask to ask my mama. Wait, wait, wait. They be signing permission slips. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Yeah, man. You're speaking with like a black man's affectation. I'm black. No, I'm looking at you. I'm black. I'm Justin Bieber. No, you're a 10-year-old white kid. I'm looking at you. I'm 16. All right. And I've slept with more women than you and anybody you know combined. That may be true, but you're not. Yeah, I'd be black. You don't be black. No, you'd be white. You'd be in front of me, and I'd be looking at you. I thought I was black. No, no. Well, I'm half. All right. I don't think you're half either. I'm half. No. I'm a mulatto. No, you're not mulatto. I'm looking at you. All right. 5701-949 is our number if you want to text us. It's 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm me. Let's see. Sienna earlier was telling us that she still does a thing with marshmallows. Lucky Charms. Lucky Charms and marshmallows? When I eat my Lucky Charms, I save the marshmallows. You're six years old? Uh-huh.
You guys don't do that? You save them until the end? I don't eat Lucky Charms. I don't eat Lucky Charms. Weird. I'm sorry for you guys because they're delicious. I eat Mueslix. Never one time in my life have I tried Lucky Charms. You're a monster. Let's call Chris. Maybe he can get some of them. I don't want to. They're so good. The sugar? It's not the sugar. You know why I don't like it? The same as when I was a kid. The same opinion now that I had when I was a kid. cereal that had color in it freaked me out. It looked like it wasn't going to taste good. I've never had Fruity Pebbles. What? Never had Fruity Pebbles. They're so good. Never tried them. What was the one you said? Lucky Charms. Lucky Charms. Never tried it. Never had it. You're a lunatic. My favorite was Cap'n Crunch. Loved it. You never had Crunch Berries? No. What about peanut butter Cap'n Crunch? Disgusting. Oh, that's so good. Peanut butter cereal fowl. Are you kidding me? We're all good. They're just packed full of sugar, though. Yeah, they sure are. Frosted mini wheats. Delicious. Frosted flakes. But that wasn't all red and orange. Oh, I love it. Dude, Lucky Charms are like crack. They're magically delicious. They're like crack. Really? I can eat.
A box of Lucky Charms in a day. Like one of the regular boxes. Do you eat the dry? No, no. I can eat like four bowls of those a day. And I make a big bowl of cereal. You know what I used to wonder was how colored cereals were able to taste different. They all look the same. They're so good. You know what I mean? Yeah. Fruity Pebbles taste different than Lucky Charms? Yes. Yes. They put the color on it to appeal to kids, but it's non-flavored food coloring. Oh, it's so good. Flavor comes from the sugar. I do a lot of little kid things. Like what? Well, another thing that actually was pointed out to me the other day, I wasn't even aware of it, is that I won't put my feet outside of the sheets. Like when I'm lying in bed. Rebecca either. I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that someone will grab my feet. And for whatever reason, the sheet is going to save and protect my feet. That is crazy. But I can't have them out. No matter how hot it is. 5701949. if you do one of these things? Kind of like what haven't you outgrown? Woodsy. Yeah, what have you not outgrown? Juice boxes. Oh, I love juice boxes. Do you drink juice boxes? Oh, yeah. I'll buy them, drink them, love them. Capri Sun. Capri Sun, high C. You pop the little gastronomy. Yeah, he brings the tiny little Sunny D's with him, too. Yeah, tiny Sunny D's. I haven't even seen Sunny D's since the 80s. Yeah, since the kid got here. Oh, wow.
That's so good. Like M1 Brady will come over and they'll bring juice boxes over. Little Brady, my friend, he's four years old. And I will be like, hey, maybe you leave a couple of those so I can drink them. And I'll drink them more if I know he's coming. It's kind of an excuse to buy them. Really? Yeah. And I'll kill them. Apple juice, high C. Fruit snacks. Fruit snacks. I'll eat all that stuff. Oh, so good. I actually bought some quick strawberry milk powder the other day. Oh, wow. You are seven years old. Strawberry milk is delicious. I brought hot chocolate for everyone. Oh, you did? It's organic. I've tried quick. The chocolate milk? Yeah. But I've never tried that. The strawberry's good. Strawberry stuff. Swiss Miss. It's good. Lauren did bring some Swiss mess. I did. With marshmallows. Yes! Marshmallows make such a difference. Give me one. Dehydrated marshmallows. Oh, I love it. I bought them at a whim and I was like, eh. What? Are there people that are in their 40s that cut the crusts off sandwiches? That's what I want to know. Call us if you do that kind of stuff. When I make my bed, which I don't do very often, but when I do, I don't want my toes underneath the bed because...
I'm worried someone will grab them. Yeah. If they're not under the bed, like, it's fine. But if my toes go under the bed, it freaks me out. Really? It freaks me out. 5-7-0-1-94-9. Maybe video games. We play a lot of video games. We haven't really outgrown those. You're 40. I'm 35. I'll play for seven hours a day. But the thing is, is that they're made for, they're kind of made for. Are they? Aren't they? Aren't they sort of filthy? Maybe 18-year-olds. Really? 40-year-old men and 35-year-old men. building a franchise and thinking he's a GM of the Bengals. They're meant to. They're marketed towards adults. I think they are. Well, what about Spongebob? Can we talk about this? We have a giant plastic bear filled with animal cookies that Mike bought last week and it's pretty much gone. Animal cookies. We killed that thing. Animal crackers. They're so good. We'll take a handful out. And you eat them and they get stuck in the side of your cheeks and your teeth. Uh-huh. And you enjoy that. Yes. And then you just want more and more. They're so good. I line up the animal crackers and see how many different animals there are. You do? Yeah, right. I like to put them in compromising positions. Yep. That is true. Yeah, LLB does that. That is true. LLB does dirty things with her animal crackers. It's hysterical. 5701949. I draw appendages on. Shut up. Oh, wow. M1 Andy from San Marcos. Are you there? Yeah.
What do you do? Oh, I do the thing with the cereal. And anytime you see a Yoo-Hoo somewhere, you've got to buy a Yoo-Hoo. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's just chocolate milk, right? No, it's got carbonation in it, doesn't it? It's something special about a Yoo-Hoo. No. It doesn't have carbonation? No. No, no carbonation. It's just a funky chocolate milk. Never had one. Me either. Never had one. What's the difference in Yoo-Hoo and chocolate milk? They taste different. Yeah. I thought there was carbonation in it. No. Yoo-Hoo just has more sugar than, I think, a chocolate milk. Try a Yoo-Hoo. They're good. I always say I miss my childhood. And I don't say that meaning, oh, I miss it. I mean, I missed my childhood. And so I didn't have, I never tried a bunch of junk. I never tried a bunch of those cereals. Fruit roll up? Never. Never had one. Never had one. What did you guys eat? What were your snacks? No snacks in your house. No, snacks were stale. potato chips from the guy that rented a little house from behind us that worked for Frito-Lay and gave us the stales. Yeah. Did you have Oreos? No. Hydrox? I mean, I've tasted Oreos. Oreos are the best. Tasted Oreos. Hydrox are ghetto. Just like Oreos, according to my mom. Speaking of Oreos, they have a new Oreo out. It's golden.
It's not chocolate. That's not new. They're delicious. I'll just stick with the Oreo. They're delicious. They're the greatest. They're really good. I'm like a little kid with those things. Emma and Kristen from San Marcos, are you there? Hello. Hi. I eat the Lucky Charms as well, but I do the marshmallows in a rainbow order. To this day. What's the order? Red, yellow. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple. But there's a rainbow marshmallow in itself. And the marshmallows have different colors. Right, whichever one, whatever color's the majority. Whatever color's the majority. Yeah, all right. And you, how old are you? I'm 27. That's awesome. I do the same thing with M&M's. What do you do with the M&M's? Rainbow Order. Rainbow Order. Rainbow Order. Wow. She's like Ted Bundy. Yeah, a little bit, but cute. But probably cute, yeah. But probably cute. I love it. Do you have a boyfriend or a husband? I do have a boyfriend. What's he think of it? He just ignores it. He doesn't say a word. It's fantastic. It's so much more fun. Thank you. She'll probably do that when she's 40, by the way. Yeah. Can't break a habit. People do stuff until they're old. L.O.B.? You got any? Not really. I mean, I'm afraid of the dark still, but isn't everybody? I don't have any. I'm not afraid of the dark. I'm not afraid of the dark, no. Sucks your thumb. That's true. Yeah, I don't do that anymore. Yeah, you do too. You suck your thumb and you play with your eyebrows. I don't do any less.
You don't do it any less. Yeah, I guess so. Sucks your thumbs, plays with your eyebrow. Eyelashes. Eyelashes. If I were to do it, I would play with my eyelashes. With your index finger. Yes. While sucking your thumb. Very comforting. It is. It feels kind of good. I watched My Weird Addiction yesterday. My Strange Addiction. My Strange Addiction. And it was the thumb sucking girl. Fake that. And the body building woman. Oh. I didn't see that one. I saw a bodybuilding guy. Who? The bodybuilding one. She takes HGH. In my humble opinion, I didn't think she was foxy. It's not your scene. I'm even kind of lesbian. She would go, I am addicted to bodybuilding. It's Tom Brokaw. I've been bodybuilding now for six years, and I enjoy bodybuilding. Her mother looked younger than her from what I saw. But I'm all woman. 5701949. Call us right now if you do something that you've never outgrown. When we come back, we'll do a soundboard prank call using Harrison Ford's voice. See what it would sound like if the White House guy soundboarded.
People are calling about the stuff that they do that they have not outgrown. M120 from North Park. Are you there? Hey, what's up, guys? How you doing? Good, man, good. What do you do? Since I was a kid, man, I have this thing where I wake up, clock 4 o'clock in the morning, eat, like, damn near a whole pack of Chips Ahoy cookies. And the thing is, is that I dip them like a pimp. With your pinky up? That's great. Did he say dip them like a pimp? That's the greatest thing I've ever heard in my life. Do you mind if I steal that? Wait, how many chips and white cookies are we talking? And be honest. Oh, it's not the whole pack. That's like 40? Or are you talking like a mini pack? Probably like 20.
Mini pack. Holy cow. I scoffed at the idea. Maybe you call in all the time. Yeah, M120, maybe you call all the time. Daily. I like your stizzy. Yeah. Do you do the whole pack of Chips Ahoy? Yeah, I might leave like five in there, you know? That's great. Yum. Let me tell you something. There is nothing better than Chips Ahoy and milk. Oh, my God. Oh, it's so good. I want it so bad. It tastes so good. Here's my thing. Here's my thing. I have to drown them. Like, I stick them in the milk, and I wait until all the bubbles stop coming up to the top. Oh, wow. Yeah, so they're soggy. And then, that's when you can, if it's not soggy, I'll throw the whole pack away. Yeah, dude. You get those packs where you dip them in, and they just don't get soft. You gotta throw the whole pack away. You know, here was my Chips Ahoy technique. My Chips Ahoy technique was a mug, like that you drink coffee out of. And I would put milk in the mug and I would drop the entire Chips Ahoy in and I would drown it with a spoon. Push it down? With a tablespoon. I would just hold it down with a tablespoon and drown it. Right. And I knew it was dead when the bubbles stopped coming up. Wow. And then I'd take it out. We're like the fear. Yeah. And then you take that thing out and it's all soggy. Wow. And you take the whole thing down. I do that kind of with Oreos and milk. It's so great. Do you like Rainbow Chips Ahoy or just straight original? No, no. Classic.
I don't think they make the rainbow ones anymore. They had a party mix for a while. I'll tell you what else is lame. M120. That's right. I'll tell you what else is lame is those new chewy chips Ahoy. I like them. I don't like hard cookies at all. They don't get soft enough. They're already soft. What about the soft baked ones that you microwave? Those are delicious. No. The original Chips Ahoy, Drowned It and Made Mushy, is the greatest thing ever. In the blue packaging. Don't change the packaging. Yeah. I can't do the soft Chips Ahoy. I like them. I don't like hard chocolate chip cookies. I like them. Normally I don't, but Chips Ahoy, I'll make an exception. They're good. Hey, M120, we like your style. We need you to call back. All right, Pimpin'. Thank you, dude. Thank you. I dip it like a pimp. Wow. Dip it like a pimp. Did you write that down? It's brilliant. I dip it like a pimp. Maybe we make t-shirts that say dip it like a pimp. Maybe he comes in and sits in his chair and does sports with me. There you go. We should draw a picture. Just a pinky out dipping. Maybe he shares time with CB and fills in for you doing sports when you're gone. Yeah. M120, you're in. Email us. I'm going to replace Get Some with that. Dip it like a pimp. I'm going to dip it like a pimp.
M1 Dylan from El Cajon. What do you do that you have not outgrown? I'll pull out my baseball uniform and lay it out on the floor the night before my game. Yep. Is that a baseball thing from when you were a kid? Yeah, dude. I mean, the game day is, there's nothing like it. And I do it, but I do it in the morning of the game. I get up about six hours before game time to start getting ready. Shower, get in the mood, get my game face on, have my Raisin Bran, get ready to go, have a banana. Adult men. Adult men. And I lay all my uniform out. I get it all ready. Get out of the shower. Look at it. I'm like, I'm about to put you on. I'm going to dip you like a pimp. Dip it like a pimp. There you go, Dylan. Thank you, Dylan. Thank you. There you go. One last call from M1 Dog Bait from IB. You there? I'm here. Sorry about the poo-poo in the water, dude. A lot of poop. You haven't heard. There's doo-doo in the water in IB. Believe me, I've seen the signs. Yuck. Go ahead. Yeah, I want goldfish crackers. I eat them along the seam.
To split them in half. Oh, yeah. That's great. I do it, too. I do that with almonds sometimes, also. You pop them. Yeah, pop them in the middle. Wait, do what? Give me an almond. Along the seams of a goldfish? No, no, no. I want to know. It's the same size. We have the same thing. There's a seaming around it. You pop them. Half of it. Half of it. You can pop goldfish in half? Oh, I didn't know that. They last twice as long. Really? Mm-hmm. Look at you. I also eat my popcorn. Weird. I eat all the crunchy stuff off my popcorn and smash the bulby part of it and then eat it. Wait a minute. Say that again? What do you do? Like if you're holding a kernel of popcorn, like a popped popcorn, I eat all the crunchy parts off of it and then the soft bulby part, I smash it and then eat it. Oh, wow. What do you smash it with? Holy cow. A hammer. My popcorn smashing tool. I do something different with popcorn. When I get popcorn at the movies, I don't use my hands to eat it. What? No, and I don't pour it. I just use my tongue, and when you touch your tongue to the kernel, it sticks. Yeah. So I eat it like an aardvark. So you're not sharing with anyone? No. I had never done this with popcorn until Miss Sienna turned me on to it. And I do it.
Every single time. Milk duds and popcorn. I pour them in there and mix it up and it's the greatest thing you've ever had. Hot tamales are the same way. Can't do that. I couldn't do that because milk duds are not easy to eat. Yeah, but it's a good little combination for whatever reason. It will knock you. It'll bring you to your knees. Just thinking about milk duds right now makes me feel like it's pulling my molars out of my teeth. I broke a lot of braces, brackets for those bad boys. Oh my gosh. My mom. I feel like I'm 12 right now. My mom would have killed me. To break a bracket? If I had ate milk duds when I had braces. If she found out, my mom was a Nazi about the freaking braces, man. You did not do stuff. You weren't supposed to. And if she found out. Michael! Yeah, those things are not cheap. I went to Boy Scout camp for a week, and I came back, and all 22 of my braces and the wire were completely gone. I'd been eating Baby Ruth's bars. I came back, Mom was like, they had to put them all back in. They just pulled right out. Now, granted, Jay made his own braces. Yeah, exactly. Barbed wire. Yeah, barbed wire and railroad ties. Barbed wire. Barbed wire. I made it out of barbed wire. Barbed wire? Who's this barbed guy?
Who's this Bob Wire? He's a millionaire. I went down to the Home Depots. Oh, man. I'm really happy for Chips Ahoy now. I do, too. I want them really bad. Pampa Moose? Pampa Moose. Pampa Moose. Hey, they're going to Pampa Moose. I made it out of twister ties. Hey, Wood. Put Wood name on it. He said Wood. He called me Wood yesterday. He said it this morning. No, it was this morning. He was sitting in that chair, and he goes, Wood don't like it when you do that. I go, a year. Almost a year. It's in the day. Almost a year. Wood. Everybody in the world calls me Woods or Woodsy. Wood. Just an S. What's another one he does? Oh, Roof. Roof. Roof's great. Pre-nub. Pre-nub. Pre-nub. Alzheimer's disease. Old timers. Old timers. Old timers. Old timers. Got old timers disease. I believe it's called Alzheimer's. Alzheimer's. What did I say? Old timers. Because it's old timers. What did I say? What did I say? He says, what did I say? I said would. I said would? I cut a spot yesterday and I went back and was listening to it. I was like, oh, please let us have it. My gosh. Please let us have it. It's perfect. There's nothing wrong with it. Let us hear it. We tell Jay. Next time Jay cuts a commercial, we just want.
The whole thing, all the outtakes of, well, hello, this is, hang on, start again. Good morning. Start from the top. Hello, good morning, FM not, no. What if it plays at night? Yeah. Stupid. Start again. This is Jay. I sound like Hoyle. I know. Hi, y'all. This is Jay. This is Jay. Or he'll be like this. I mean Jay. Hi, this is Jay with FM 94.9. I'd like to invite you to the Big Bear annual weekend. That's more like it. Gosh, I've got to hear it. And scene. I'm on it so well. And scene. Jay, can you find it? I will. I've got to cut some more, so I'll get that for sure. Whatever's on the cutting room floor, that's what we want. 100%. Damn it, I keep messing it up. I'm not wood, I'm Jay. Wood. Okay, so I need to ask M1s for help. I meant to do this yesterday, but I'm going to do it today. My dad had insurance that wasn't that great. And now he's switching to get an insurance that'll maybe help him. My dad had prostate cancer years ago. It may be coming back. And what I want to ask M1s is if they know of a good urologist that will accept Medicare or TRICARE. And if you do, then please write me, Mikey at MikeyShow.com.
M-I-K-E-Y. Write me at Mikey at MikeyShow.com if you are aware of just a top-notch urologist that will accept Medicare and TRICARE. Because that's who he's going to have. And, you know, I just want to help my pops. See them live a long time. And, you know, my mom, who has Alzheimer's, depends on my dad. for everything. Mom and dad have been married 53 years. Wow. So awesome. I mean, I don't really like this word, but when you say that they're lovely people, they are lovely people. They are so awesome. My mom and dad are really in love. Just really in love. It's incredible. When he talks about her, he talks about her, about how much he just loves her. And she just loves him. They hold hands. They're just very in love. And he's a good model. Good model to see. Two of the sweetest people you'll ever meet. Yeah. Without question. My dad's really into all things Mexican. Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Is that guy proud of being a Mexican? Maybe they should have taught me how to speak Spanish. 100%. Let's see. What do we have to do? Oh, hey. Hi. Let me do some of this. Go right into this, huh? Do a little Woods on Sports. Really want to chip the voice. So do I.
Maybe Chris will go? Maybe we'll send Chris. I'm down. I'll die. Oh, wow. Santa's buying. I'm not eating. I'm not eating either. Maybe some milk. Maybe some milk. We have to have milk. Get a mini pack because it's just the two of you. Yeah, I'm not in. Get eight packs. Wood on Sports is brought to you by Frank Red Hot. Go ahead, Wood. I had to do it. Get some. I am... Mike sent me a clip this morning of something that I'm going to call BS on. I think that Rex Ryan is a mad scientist. And I think he has convinced his players that this is how they're going to approach the Pittsburgh game. By showering everybody with love. As you guys recall, against New England, against Indianapolis. He said, listen, this is personal. I'm going to beat these guys. Now, this game, everybody. Everybody on the Jets is in love with Ben Roethlisberger. Cut one. Now, just so people know, you're about to hear a montage of Darrell Rivas. Yep, Trevor Price. Trevor Price, the defensive end for the Jets, and Rex Ryan. It's an honor and a privilege to go in there and play against him. It really is. We know he's one of the best quarterbacks in the league.
One of the best scrambling quarterbacks as well. We know he's not going to be a statue. We know he's going to move around and extend play. How do you prepare for a guy that can flick a ball 50 yards to drop a dime? How do you prepare for a guy that can run like he does? How do you prepare for that? How do you prepare for something else? He loves us. He loves to win. Roethlisberger will beat you up. He'll hold the ball, and then when you come in there, it's like, oh, he only got a free runner, one or two guys. Just knock this guy down. Stand there, and then. make plays down the field. He's one of the two, three biggest challenges in this league because you can't prepare for what he naturally does. I mean, how do you prepare to tackle guys as big as a polar bear? He's so gorgeous. I'm touched. I'm touched how they feel about him. I'm emotional. Yeah, they love him. I'm not fooled. I gotta believe it. Woodsy says it's BS. I think it's calculated. And I think that Rex Ryan. It's not going to work. I think this Rex Ryan may be a genius. I think he might be a genius. Five and one in the playoffs. Two straight AFC championship games. I think he may be. I think he may be brilliant. Okay, but if so, there has to be like a reason that he's doing it.
I think I have a reason. I had one, too, but I want to hear yours. Well, if they said about Pittsburgh what they said about New England, Pittsburgh will... Punch them in the mouth. Yeah, they're a tough team. Yeah, they'll get fired up. They're a tough team. You don't want to piss the Pittsburgh Steelers off. You're pretty safe trying to piss off the Colts, and you're pretty safe pissing off the Pats. You wouldn't have been about five years ago with the Pats, but you are now. Yeah, because we take the classy thing. We've gotten our rings. Yeah. The Steelers are vicious and mean. I mean, what team's been fined more this year? The Steelers. The Steelers get fined for everything. You don't. You want them to be a little bit sleepy, a little bit complacent, which I don't think they will be. But why not give it a shot if you're Rex Ryan? Yeah. It's going to be a good game. Yeah, it is going to be great. What is that game, Saturday or Sunday? Sunday. Rex Ryan is rubbing off on the other team in New York, too. The New York Jets, two of their safeties came out this week and said, I'd love to play for Rex Ryan. Wait, wait, wait. You mean the Giants? The Giants' safeties came out and said, I would love to play for Rex Ryan.
He does it right. Our coach is too strict. He doesn't have fun. That guy has fun, and his players will lay down in traffic for him. It was Antrell Roll and Kenny Phillips. I would love to play for Rex. He goes to bat for his players. He'll take the blame. He allows you to be you. He's not asking you to hide. If you're a guy that likes to talk, go out and talk as long as you back it up. His guys are playing for him, and I'd love to be a part of that. Oh, boy. Well, that's great, but I guess the problem that he has there is that guys want rings, too. Yeah, Tom Coughlin's got a ring. He's got a ring. And Rex doesn't. Not as a head coach. Yeah. So, I mean, it's kind of hard to say that about a guy that's won a Super Bowl. Yeah. Also, Al Davis needs to hang him up. I've got this piece of audio. And apparently, Al Davis was introducing the new coach yesterday, which is Hugh Jackson, who was the offensive coordinator. Al Davis, Mike. Yeah. I think it's turned Asian. Listen to this. He can lead this later nation. What? The fans. Did you hear that? And bring back those touchdowns in that Coliseum. You got to score points to win. You can't win without scoring points. Play it again. Later nation. He can lead this later nation. The fans. Play it again. And bring back. He can lead this later nation.
We can lead this later nation. We can lead this later nation. He's 107 years old. The fans. I will say this. It sounds like Al Davis is speaking from inside of a pyramid in a tomb in a sarcophagus. with his arms crossed, holding a golden staff. Cotton in his mouth. Cotton in his mouth, covered in bandages. And bring back those touchdowns in that Coliseum. You got to score points to win. You can't win without scoring points. He's sweet. He's not sweet. Wait a minute. You can't see it. Someone's feeding him oatmeal. As he's saying this, somebody has a spoon. Applesauce. And every once in a while, he's like... Those touchdowns in that Coliseum. You've got to score points to win. Sometimes you've got to know. You can't win without scoring points. Sometimes you've got to know when to hang them up. Al Davis, not a nice man. No, not a nice guy. Not a nice man. He got at the press conference yesterday to introduce his new coach, Coach Hugh Jackson. Proceeded to fillet their old coach. Yeah. Dropped the hammer on.
Everybody that is against the Raiders, I mean, he was, like, nasty in some of these comments. I just want to say that if Hugh does anything sideways, I'll tell everybody what a piece of garbage he is, too. I hate him already. That's insane. So, you know, Raider Nation, or Later Nation. is kind of still in turmoil, man. I mean, you never know what's going to happen with those guys. But ex-Broncos coach Josh McDaniels has a new gig. He is going to be working for the St. Louis Rams, which I think is a pretty good move for them. He was a coordinator. You know, that's kind of his thing. Not really a head coach. Strong, strong coordinator. He's been working with Sam Bradford and all those guys they got down in St. Louis. I think that's a really good hire for him. So he will take over there. They announced it yesterday. And this is going to make some people mad. I'm going to tell you right now. There's an entrepreneur named Phillip Ann Schultz from L.A. Well, he said, yeah, I'll build a new football stadium in downtown Los Angeles. But I need some conditions to be met. I need a team to commit to moving to Los Angeles. And I need it, you know.
Before I will sign on the dotted line. But I will sign on the dotted line if a team agrees to move. Well, obviously one of those teams. They're saying there's four teams that are available to move. One of them is 80 miles away. And has one more year on their lease. And they asked the San Diego Chargers attorney, Mark Fabiani. All right, Mark. This guy, Phillip Anschultz, wants to build a stadium. You guys going to go? His response. Uh-oh. It's going to make you nervous. It's going to make you nervous. Quote. We will not break our commitment to our fans and to the city. So they asked him again, Mark, after 2011, are you going to go? Well, we've already told our fans and the city we will not be exercising our exit clause in 2011, and we will not break this commitment. In other words, we will play in San Diego in 2011. And after that, I don't know.
Very careful speech from an attorney. Can you imagine to one team town in a year? Two teams. They kill me. I don't even know. It would really upset me. And I want to think positive and I want to believe that something will get done. Because I just refuse to believe that the city would be... foolish enough to let them go. Well, the good thing is, at least there's never games blacked out. You know the fans are 100% behind them because there's never blackouts. It's like the Padres. They don't have problems selling anything. You never have a problem filling a 45,000 capacity stadium with 18,000 in the middle of a playoff run. You're in good shape. That's an uplifting story. Yep. Well, at least EBW's here. Absolutely. She'll be here and she's coming in next, Eskimo Blue Waters. And we'll find out what she's up to. So don't go away. Wow. Huh? Can we tell her to wait? Yeah, tell her to wait. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. Our phone screen today is Chris. She doesn't take no for an answer. I know it. Eskimo Blue Water's coming in here. She's flicked a cigarette butt at me. Fake one. Fake one. Word of the day's aqua. All right. When you hear me work the word aqua into a sentence between now and 10, caller 9 will go to Pampa Moose, as Jay called it.
Pamplemousse, guys. Pamplemousse. Dinner for two at Pamplemousse. You'll be in charge of drinks and gratuity. I'm also set you up with tickets to go see Oza Motley at the Belly Up. Fine. Let Eskimo into the room. What? Come on. Let her in the studio. It's your bet. There you go. Oh, wow. Yeah, wow. Yeah, wow. You're just going to make the talent wait? No, we've all been here. We've all been on time. Yeah. We did Rick Springfield. Just make him wait outside. We didn't make Rick Springfield wait outside. Rick Springfield is a bona fide star. Yeah. What are you trying to say? That you're not a bona fide star. I'm getting there. I'm a rising star. You're a rising star. Maybe you've heard I've got a blog. You have a blog. That's right. On San Diego.com. I understand that's their most looked at blog. How does that make you feel? How does that make you feel? I like the star that I am.
Vindicated. I wouldn't really go that far. You ever hear of humility? Oh, yeah. So she is on sandiego.com. That's right. With her picture and a blog every Monday. It's a good picture. Yeah. Every Tuesday, but this week fell off the charts a little bit. Next week, I'll be back. Bi-weekly. So really, so less people read it this week is what you're saying? No, I didn't write one. Oh, you didn't write one this week. You just big-timed them like that? I ran out of stuff to say, really. You didn't write one this week. No, we're going to move it bi-weekly. I've got a lot of other stuff I've got on my plate. Eskimo Blue Waters is a local musician, ventriloquist, entertainer. Writer. Everything. She does it all. Ice cream maker. Entrepreneur. Yeah. She calls herself Eskimo Blue Waters, but her real name is Judy Douche. First of all, it's Judy Douche. And that's...
No one's called me Judy in years. Years. She wears a little cowboy hat. Yep. She's got a whole look. It's very, like... It's Bret Michaels-y. Thank you, Woods. That wasn't really a compliment, necessarily. Bret Michaels is a legend. Yeah, but the look... Anyway. Actually, I almost got you a present at Urban Outfitters. They had little Dreamcatcher keychains. Oh, man. That would have been rad. Sorry, but... Next time. Next time. I'll wait for that. What are you going to do? Well, I've got a new song. What is it? Well, I was in your studio last night, as a matter of fact. That is not true. That's not true. Not cool. I was in here sniffing around. How did you get into our studio? Me and Chris are buddies. Chris are friends. He said sorry. He said sorry. I bet he gave her the code sometime. You know what I bet happened? What? She belligerently... Just killed him. Like, I need to get in. I need to get in. And he was like, he probably texted her the code one morning when she was downstairs. I heard the tones that the different numbers make and I figured it out. Really? Yeah. But we're always in here doing extra work, going the extra mile. And I was just like, what's this? Yeah. Who's we? Chris, he's in here. I'm in here with my boyfriend. Oh, wow. You're in here with your boyfriend when we're not here? No, he works in the building. Oh, that's right. He's a custodial intern.
I don't think there are interns. I don't even think there's custodians here. No, I don't either. Wow. You think this stuff just cleans itself? I actually did. She works really hard. What are you going to do? You're going to sing a song? Well, I found some lyrics. I don't know who they are. I don't know if this is like a Lost Beatles song or maybe like a Michael Jackson song or something. So you're just ripping off some lyrics you found? No, no. I'm not claiming it to be an original. If the original writer wants to step forward, they can. Some yellow legal pad with gold. Oh, my God. I think I know what that is. No. You know you know what that is. What is it? What? Let's just hear it. Elvis? It's the poem. Is it the poem that I wrote? It's, well, it's on a yellow. What did you say? You're a jerk. What do you mean? I think you're mature. She has the lyrics. Like, you wrote these? She has the lyrics of the poem that I wrote. They're not lyrics. They're not lyrics. It's a poem that I wrote. It's more prose than anything. Prolific. I wrote this poem. And we're not supposed to talk about this poem, by the way. We're not talking about it. We don't need to talk about it. I could just sing it. What were the rules? The rules were.
We do not make fun of me for being obese and sending this. We. We never said anything about obese. Yeah. Or Eskimo. Yeah. Eskimo is like a total. And Eskimo is not on our show. Yeah. We had an agreement. We. That's not true. That we would not read my poem again until after Thanksgiving. We're not. We never said. I didn't hear you guys say that. We never said that somebody couldn't sing it. I don't catch the show a lot. I have nightly gigs, so I sleep in. Do you? Yeah. How dare you? How dare you? Do you mind? Could I put it to? Yes. What? Do you want to? I'm not. Yeah. Let's see if we can't just come up with something here on the spot. Just sling it. Maybe I remember this. Maybe I remember this. Let's get our mics right here. Okay. I hate your face. Check. Check. This is your act. You're an A, Woods. Mike's pose. Sleeps one of the warmest, softest sounds. Really?
Good. I hate, I hate you both. This is good. It's not good. This is Eskimo's best word. I really don't. Thank God. Eskimo, that was probably your best word. Dip it like a pimp. Oh, boy. Well, Mike. How dare you, Eskimo? Do you mind about it? I mean, I will give you co-writing. Co-writing. Percentage of chance this was Wood's idea. What? How dare you? What do you mean? I didn't. What do you like to be?
I will credit you as a co-writer. A co-writer. A co-writer. He's the only one that wrote it. He wrote it, and I played the music. You played Every Rose Has Its Thorn. Pretty much. And I think we'll let the people speak. And, you know, if it drops as a single, just let me know. I'll have my people talk to your people. We can go over the logistics. If anybody called and said they liked it, I wouldn't put them through. Because I don't want to hear my stupid poem. Well, you know, Eskimo, believe me, he's paid. I believe I've grown as an artist. I've grown as an artist since writing that. Yeah. I am a different sad sack. You didn't think about the music. You just threw it away in this violin cabinet here. Threw it away. That is a private. It's so private. Why is it an L.O.B.? Because L.O.B., every once in a while, looks at it just to laugh. Oh, wow. That's messed up. That is. That's Eskimo. It is messed up. Sadistic, almost. She's your team member. M1 Chris is on the line from Oceanside. All right. What's up? Hi.
Hey, you know what I got to say? That was a beautiful duet. Eskimos going to the Grammys. Thank you. I dare you. I miss the American Idol tryouts, but there's always next season, right? Yes. Well, hopefully with this new cast, you really never know. You're the bomb, EVW. Thank you. Thank you. If you send me your address, I can send you a Polaroid with an autograph. Take your sunglasses off. Autograph CD, yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, she doesn't have... You might need to pay the postage. No, she doesn't. That's not true. She could ask her dad. He's rich, lives in La Jolla. A self-addressed stamped envelope. There you go. You got it. Thank you. Thank you for the call. It's Chris from Oceanside. Thank you, Eskimo. And you. I think that went really well. I think you killed it. Man, congrats. She's quite a... She's something, isn't she? I'm not really sure what she is, but something. She's something. You seem upset, Mike. Hey, listen. I wrote a poem. Okay. And the poem is a little embarrassing. Yeah. And it's now been put to music. How beautiful was it? Just gorgeous. Thank God for the memories. Thank God. For sure. The ones that you never made. That's right. Thank God for the memories I never experienced. Why didn't you experience those memories? Because she was cute and I was not.
Pain is expensive. It sure is. Believe me, he's paid. He's paid. We can't talk about it. Cannot talk about it. Can't wait until the day after Thanksgiving. Oh, that's going to be a fun week of work. Maybe Eskimo and I transcribe the Taylor audio. Yeah. Oh, wow. That would be good. Great idea. You still bit. So everybody knows what soundboard prank calls are. That's when you just take somebody's recorded voice. In this case, Harrison Ford. And you ask yourself, well, what would it sound like if Harrison Ford and a soundboard on a computer were to prank call our president? Hello. Hello. Is there anyone on the line? Yes. Marcus, why are you waking me up? Yes. Why are you calling? Don't you get it? No, I don't. Me or somebody else? What about Marcus? You. I thought you were Marcus. Yes. Okay. Marcus, I've never told you this before, but not a good idea. Don't you get it? I don't. Why are you...
calling me right now. Marcus, listen, I'm losing patience and I've got to go. Yes. Got to go. Maybe it would sound like that. Wow. Hello? Obama is a big Marcus Allen fan apparently. 570-1949 is our number. Don't know if you guys even know this, but Regis made an announcement, yes. Yeah, right. Well, I've got one of those announcements to make today. Yeah, you know, every now and then you have an announcement to make around here. And I don't want to alarm anybody, but I have to tell you this because it's going to happen and the station needs to know and Gilman needs to know and we all need to know.
I'm pregnant. This will be my last year on this show. It's been a long time. It's been 28 years since I've been here. And it was the biggest thrill of my life to come back to New York, where I grew up as a kid watching TV in the early days. And, you know, I never even dreamed about it. Him and Jay have the same career length. We had the same homeroom teacher. Whatever it takes to get in front of a camera and talk to it. But it's been an enormous thrill to come back here to New York and have that New York show for five years and then go on to a syndicated situation and all the fun we've had and all the great co-hosts and look at this over here every morning. So there is a time. But, you know, everything must come to an end for certain people on cameras, especially certain old people. He's being forced out. Yes. No. No. Their ratings are really good. I think he's an old man. He's, what, 80? He's 79 years old. He's been hosting that show for 28 years. Time to retire. I believe that they took Reej aside and they said, Reej, it's been a great run. We think it's time. And we'd love to give you a wonderful,
severance package. We'd like you to go on the air. Let people know you're retiring. I'm going to give you about a mil and a half. Just want you to go fishing in the Keys. Have a great time. I actually believe that now. I think he was like home, saw a rerun of himself next to Kelly. What's that her name? Yeah, Kelly. Kelly Ripa. And he's like, Christ, is that what I look like? Yeah. That doesn't make sense. I think the corporate guys would keep beating that pony until he just dropped. If that were the case, they would have done it with Larry and Larry King. And I think that they get to a point where they go, our ratings are good. We could do better. You know what makes me think that you're right is because I also read that Kelly Ripa didn't know that he was going to make this announcement until 15 minutes before they went on the air. That's shocking. I heard he told Kathie Lee Gifford before he told Kelly Ripa. Well, they started together. They started together. It was Regis and... I think he owed that to her. It was Regis and Cindy Garvey for a while, then Kathie Lee, then Kelly. Kathie Lee. That was unwatchable. Oh, yeah. I like Regis and Kelly. Yeah, that's fun. It's okay. I love Regis. Yeah, and I think a lot of people like Regis, so I don't think they would have forced him out. I think he's like, I've got kids, I've got grandkids. 79. I've got great grandkids. It's time. What are you going to do? 84? You can't. You can't. You can't.
It's time. I think you're right. I just want you to know that. Plenty of room to go. This is going to happen at the end of the summer, into the fall, whatever it is. We don't know that yet. But just so that you know. We don't know that yet. And he doesn't say. He doesn't say. If it was his idea, he'd know exactly. And wouldn't he say, hey, you know what, guys? I've been with you 28 years, and I've just been doing a lot of thinking. And, you know, it's just time. I want to hang with my grandkids. I want to hang out with my daughters and my wife. And I just want to chill. I'm done. You know, I'm done. He said to his wife, maybe he was like 50, and she's like, Regis, are you going to do this until the day you die? No, I'll do it until I'm 80 years old. And now 80's coming up, and she's like, hey. Yeah. Hate to be a... Hate to be a woman. I hate to be a pet. I hate to be a pet. I did say 80. 30 years ago. Or it could be this. Creeping up. You're never going to believe what the jerks at work said to me today. Beat it.
That dumb 24-year-old called me into his office. Executive producer. Executive producer. 24. 24 years old. He's got that goop in his hair. Gabby goop. Listens to that rap music. Yeah, he listens to hip-hop. And he told me that I'm too old. Can you believe that? 28 years! 28 years! That's amazing, though. He doesn't look 79. I saw him yesterday. He looks 85. No. He does. I saw him yesterday. I watched the press conference. I don't want to do it. That's my idea. Over the applause. Over the applause. That's my idea. I only speak for America and all of us here when I say it has been a pleasure and a privilege and a dream come true. And I wish I could do something to make you change your mind. Well, now, wait a minute. Now, wait a second.
You wouldn't have to change my mind, Kelly. You'd have to change Schwartz's mind because he's the one that told me that I have to leave. Ian Schwartz. Ian Schwartz called me in his office yesterday and he said, listen, old man, this is it. We'll give you two mil, but you keep your trap shut. Yep. I don't care what you think, Schwartz. I'm doing it. You're all under arrest. I'd be sad. He's a good dude. No. Kelly seemed sad. Big indie fan. Huge indie fan. Always liked it. Oprah got her boobs grabbed by a koala. Lucky koala. And they'll play the audio. He's doing air hair. Can I videotape you doing air hair?
Yeah. And put it on our Facebook page. At the break, play a song that I can do air hair to. Yes. And then we'll film the whole thing so they get the music with it. I love it. In. I love it. I'll do a real good one for you, too. I want to start a 80s tribute band and call it Aquanet. In. What do you think? All kinds of air hair going on. Oh, yeah. It's the kind of hair Mikey has. That's right. True. Air hair. I have air hair. When you think about it that way. Sienna, what's going on in news? Pretty crazy story over by L.A. at Gardena High School. A gun went off in a classmate's backpack. This is a high school 17-year-old boy was not thinking apparently and brought a loaded gun to school in his backpack. He set the bag down on his desk. It went off and actually hit two other people. classmates who are okay, one in critical condition, one is in fair condition at the hospital. But, oh, man, he's going to face some serious charges. Yeah. Assault with a deadly weapon, for sure. If that was my kid, oh, my gosh. I mean, why? But the parent, too. You've got to go, why did they have that weapon somewhere where he can get a hold of it? Another thing, Iran has banned the production of Valentine's Day gifts. I think this one's kind of funny. And any promotion of the holiday to fight.
What they think is a spread of Western culture. There you go, LLB. I'm on board with that. Of course you are. Get. LLB is anti-Valentine's Day. I love it. Why can't you tell people you love them all the time? I love it. Why do you just have to wait until that one day? Yeah. Why can't you just do it all the time? Why does there have to be a bunch of pink and red heart thingies made? Well, I think because it's a sweet thing, LLB. I love Valentine's Day. I always wear red or pink. I'm that person. Yeah. I'm going to wear pink this year. Weird. Let's see what's going on in sports. Well, there's a running back for the Denver Broncos. You've heard of him. His name is Lawrence Maroney. Pretty big name. Yeah. He was arrested and was arrested in St. Louis on drugs and weapons charges. That is not good. There were five people in an Infiniti Q56. Got pulled over. Cops came up. A lot of dope. A lot of guns. Wow. And the NFL Players Association has filed a collusion charge against the owners. I don't know what collusion means. Collusion means this. Let's say we as a show don't want Jay here. So we all get in a car and we get in a big collusion with another car. Yeah. No, we don't collude with another car. We collude with each other to keep him out. Collaborate. Collaborate. So like this, Mike. I know somebody that happened to.
I think I did too. Oh, yes. I just made that connection. I wonder if we are thinking about the same people. Write it down. Wait, wait, wait. What is that called? Collusion. Okay. I want to remember for the memoir. Anyway. Collusion. Yes. Well, so there's the Players Association against the owners. The owners want certain things. The players want certain concessions as well. They're not even talking right now. And Roger Goodell spoke to that yesterday. This is not going to get resolved through litigation. It will get resolved through negotiation, and it's time to get to the table and negotiate. Yeah, they're just not on the same page. A lockout is eminent, and it's not good for the NFL, which is, of course, the greatest league in the world. Nothing like this would ever happen because they're perfect. They have a salary cap. Everything's perfect. There's parity. This would never happen to the NFL because it's perfect. That's not good. M1, Jason from Vista. What was the word of the day? It was aqua. You could have a hairband tribute band called Aquanet. You caught it. Very good. And you just won yourself dinner for two to Pamplemousse. And you get to go see Ozo Motley the 21st at Belly Up. Holler. Yeah, yeah. All you need to remember, bro, is that for the Pamplemousse dinner, you are in charge of alcohol and gratuity, okay? No problem. All right, hang on the line. We're finally going to get our drinks. Oh, chicken, chicken, yeah. I hung up on him. Oh, no. I was supposed to put him on hold. The word of the day winner? Yeah.
He'll call back. Yeah. So we call back. We have voice recognition software, so don't try to pull one over on us. This is Jason. The guy that just went. Jason. Yeah, I just called in. Where's my Sharpie, Jay? I don't know. Yes, you do. Oh, boy. I'm going to show you mine. Here, Woods has one. These are mine because they're bit off. Remember? I didn't come in there. Every day. Every day. Excuse me, the stink eye. You ever just derail? You got something over there. No, those are the thin ones. He hates the thin ones so much. I still don't know what kind he wants. He wants those. But what? Because, Sienna, those aren't mine. He marks things off. These are mine. Then why wouldn't you use Woods' though? I mean, just to use it. He doesn't like the gnarled ones. His are all probably dulled down. He just looked at me like that was the dumbest question. Red pins, black pins, and there's a highlighter he has to have. Now, I accidentally took your red pin the other day. I will say that, but I gave it back to you. But did he give you a hard... He looked at me like I would... Let's say he's a murderer. I'll tell you why. Because Jay would think that it was funny.
So would you. Jay would think that it's fine. I would not. Is it you? Are you doing it? First of all, I'm shocked at the allegation that I would do that. I tried to play a prank on you one time. It didn't work. We'll never do it again. I've learned my lesson. You're not being defensive. That's why I suspect him. And it's fine to pull pranks on me. Just wait four years. To pull pranks on me. Everybody look forward to 2015. Because I'm going to get you. Big collusion. No, no. Don't say collusion. Mikey, on my unborn son, I didn't touch your Sharpie. Creepy, creepy, creepy, creepy. Now, don't say that because you definitely touched it. On your wife. On your wife and children. Oh, my God. On my dogs. Stop. I don't want it. What do you want? Just say you didn't do it. I told you, and you didn't believe me. I didn't take it. I promise. I wouldn't play a prank on you again. And you didn't, Jay? I did not take it. Jay did. You didn't this time, but have you been? I have never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever taken your pen. Then it's you. It's not me. Jay has a drawer full of pens, though. I'm sure he can hook you up.
My wife is on the line. Hello, my darling. Hi, hon. How are you? Good. I'm good. Thanks for calling, sweetie. Stop it. I'm calling to rescue all of your friends. How are you going to rescue my friends? Well, because you're blaming them for taking all your stuff. And that's not true. What do you mean? What do you know? How would you know, babe? Are there cameras in here? Not only do I know, but I actually have evidence. What? Okay, here's the deal. Every day I pack Michael lunch. You mean Jake? No. You mean your four-year-old son Jake? You pack Jake's lunch? No, no, no. Him too. Oh. Also Mike. Takes a sack lunch. Wait, Mike Esparza? The 40-year-old man in front of me? That little lunchbox. He tried to get the most manly, badass lunchbox he could get. It's got skull and crossbones on it. It's ridiculous. It's got skull and crossbones on it. It's manly. You're tough. Skull and crossbones. It's the toughest lunchbox. Lunch pail. Keep telling yourself that. It has not been. Anyway, so I use his very masculine lunch pail to pack him a lunch every day. PB&J.
He takes it to work every day, and every day he brings it home and leaves it on the counter. And then, you know, I open it and clean it out, and then that night I pack lunch for the next day. And guess what I find in it every single day? Please say it. My Sharpie. Please tell me. I find Sharpies. Oh, my God. Yes. Oh, my God. Exactly where they're going. Exactly. Exactly. Rebecca doesn't lie. She doesn't lie. I find sharpies. I find red pens. I find guitar picks. Red pens, did you say? Did you say red pens? Red pens. I find guitar picks. You don't even play the guitar. You're a hoarder.
I find highlighters. I find pocket cards. I find sticky notes. Oh, my God. I think I know why. I throw the stuff in there. You do, Mike. You're very careless with me. I would not put that Sharpie. He just does a swipe at the end of the day. Yeah, every morning, 545. Hey, Woods, where is my Sharpie? I didn't touch it, bro. I'm trying to do my sports. Where is my highlighter, James? Explains it all. Are you setting us up, Mike? No. You're setting us up. Wait, Rebecca has more. What? And guess what? So I don't know what to do with this stuff every day because he brings it home every day. Why have you never said anything? Why don't you just go, babe, did you miss this? Listen, that's what I'm telling you. So I take off because I don't know what to do with it. So I take it all. I have like a clear plastic container. It's about the size of a shoebox. I put it in there. And guess where that is? In his office. Oh. Where? Where? Where? Where? Great. Where? It's right on that, like, cable thing right when you walk in. Um, Rebecca? Wait, wait, wait. That stuff from work? Oh, look. I have it right here. Please take a picture. Please take a picture. Please take a picture. Please take a picture. Oh, for sure. Done. You have a bin full of Sharpies?
Yeah, I have a bin. Look, I'm looking through it right now. Listen, you can hear it. I've got an envelope that says K-Sun on it. K-Sun? K-Sun. Are you stealing mail, Mikey? Mikey steals mail. I hate your guts. I hate your guts. I hate you. K-Sun. There's car keys and a wallet. That's a country. I've got like five highlighters. Oh, my God. I've got pens. I've got like a little. What is this? Like a little notebook thing? There's Hillary's house key in there. Her wallet. I serve my boyfriend, Matt. Wow. I'm taking a picture. I'm going to send it to Jay. Yes! Honey, you can't... You can't blame them for stealing your stuff. Well, I can blame you for not telling me that. I've seen that. I've seen it. And I thought that was my stuff. It is. From here. I didn't know it was from here. A year's worth. Every day. Every day you walk by it. Every day. I see it every day. You ever just steal office supplies? Yeah. I don't steal office supplies from myself. From yourself. That you bought. You bought them yourself.
Babe, is there really Sharpies in there? Yes, there's Sharpies. There's like five. I'm responsible for taking my own Sharpies. Finally! Finally. I would like an apology. He blamed the housekeeper for the building? Yes. The housekeeper. I think she comes in and takes my pen. He was like, somewhere out there, there's a housekeeper with a drawer full of Sharpies. Wait a minute. To my defense, that was a suggested thought. One of you people suggested it. And I agreed with it. And I agreed with it. You know, though, that's pretty, I mean, I'm pretty used to it. Because remember his thing, like, my pet peeve with him is that he takes stuff out and doesn't put it away. So, like, I'll be looking for something. Or better yet, he'll be looking for something and he'll be like, where is that? Really? Where is it? It's in the, you know, the cabinet that we keep in it. No, it's up. So when did you use it last? That's amazing. She's amazing. And then I'll find it like, I'll find it like two months later, like under a bathroom sink or something random like that. I see that thing she's talking about every day and I thought that was like,
I thought that was stuff that she picks up of mine and just puts it in there because I leave it around. No, no. I pick it up out of your lunchbox every day and leave it in there. You are a saint, Rebecca. It's like a rat's nest. I feel so good right now. I feel so... I'm glowing. I'm glowing. Sweet relief. For months. Months. Every day. I don't know where his Sharpie is. Where is my Sharpie? Every single day. Oh, my. Oh, my. What? My Sharpie. Five minutes till showtime. Yeah. Five minutes till showtime. Woods, where is my Sharpie? Where is it? I can't find you. Comes over by intercom. Hey, Jay. Jay, just tell me. Did you take my Sharpie? Be honest with me. Be honest. Be honest. Be honest, man. She just sent it to me and Jay. Look. Yeah, all work stuff. Those are my Kleenex. Those are mine. Is it really? Oh, my gosh. Is it really? Yes. You're a thief. What is it? What is it? My Kleenex.
I forgot. Oh my gosh. All of our, the silver one? Yeah, that we used to sign placards with. I thought that was all junk from my house. No, it's all junk from your office. Oh my gosh. Mike, wow. I will be posting this. Oh my gosh. How many Sharpies? It's like five Sharpies. Yeah, five Sharpies in there. pens, everything. Oh, my God. Red pens. Mike. I'm sure Mikey thinks he's like, I'm going to take these to work because I'm going to use them there. He just takes them and then brings them right back. Well, no. You know what? I wouldn't have because I would have been like, why am I going to take this to work? Somebody that's just going to take it there. Woods is just going to hide it. Woods is just going to hide it. Jay's going to hide it. Oh, my God. Joke. Vindication. Feels real good. I can't believe those are my Kleenex. I'll send him back to you in his lunch box. Please do. Rebecca, thank you so much. Thank you, Rebecca. You saved us. An angel. An angel. You're like an angel. I love you, honey. I love you, too. I'll talk to you soon. Goodbye, babe. Bye. Oh, that's brilliant. She's brilliant. What should I call this on the Facebook page? Could be a crackhead. Could be a rat's nest. Mikey's rat's nest. Mikey's rat's nest.
That's amazing. I'm so happy right now. I feel like I just got paroled. Yeah. That's what I feel like. Whatever. I was on death row. I bet you guys still have done it. There's DNA evidence that came out. I've been on death row for a year. I got him off of his death row sentence. For a year I've been on death row. Suspicious eyes have been looking at me. And you know what, man? I feel like the DNA has come out. I didn't do this. I promise. DNA evidence. Mr. Woods. Yes. You in the front row. How does it feel to finally be vindicated after all these years? It feels good. You know, a lot of people would be pissed off. I'm not pissed off. No. I'm not pissed off. Mr. Woods. Mr. Woods. Yes. How were you able to go through the indignity every day of people thinking you had done this? You know, as a guy that had been in a little bit of trouble in his past, I was kind of used to accusing eyes and pointing fingers. Mr. Woods. Yes, you're in the front row. At any point, did you think maybe the trial should turn over to Miguel Esparza? I did. I did. I've known him a long time. I knew he was a little bit out there. I had a feeling it may be him, but I didn't have the proof. I'm sitting in jail. There's nothing I can do.
Mr. Woods, are you going to press charges? You know, I have a bracelet on my hand that a Latino sent me when I was in here. And it says be different. And that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to be different. And I'm just going to live my life now. And I'm just glad that I've been exonerated. And it feels good. One more question here with the San Diego Reader. Is there any truth to the allegations of you and high school students that we've heard? Since I coached Little League, I don't think that's an appropriate question, but I will put an end to those rumors right now. Ask an answer. Thank you. O'Brien. Mr. What? Yes. Bye. Is it true that you friended Waverly? Yes, that is true. I tell the truth. Waverly is a friend of the show and a sibling of the show, and that's what I do. Friends with everybody. And we were not supposed to bring that up for a year. No, that's Taylor. That's the other creepy. It wasn't me. No, sorry, you're confusing that with another creepy incident you were involved with.
Two famous brothers are writing a memoir. And we'll tell you all about it coming up next. The only tenacious D, L.O.B. Almost said the name of one of their songs. Eh. No. Okay, I get it. You know. You get why it's funny, but it doesn't hit you. It just kind of, to me, is this recycled joke. It can get very tired. Yeah. But I like them. I love them. It can get tired. It can get real tired. Yeah. Who else does it? Them. Them. They do the same joke over and over and over. Oh, I see what you're saying. Their bit. Like, I wouldn't go see them in concert. Right. No, I see what you're saying. But I think it's a funny joke. Yeah. Yeah. And both those guys are shredders on the guitar. Shredders. Yeah. Dynamite. Dio has rocked for a long, long time. Dio's great. Dio is a great song. I actually like their movie, too. I thought it was funny, Pick a Destiny. That was the one. L.O.B., do you know the song Dio? Nope. Are you familiar at all with Dio? Nope. You don't know who Dio is? Nope. Wow. Who is Dio? Dio was a, he was an old, you know, metal guy. Holy diver. Ronnie James Dio. Oh, yeah, I know that. He's shorter than Mikey. Oh, wow.
Saw him in the airport, came up to my belt buckle. He is tiny. Tiny. Well, he was. He was. Rest his soul. Yeah, he's no longer with us. Is he the one that ended up being in that 50s band? Yes, we played that. Yes, he was in that 50s band. Okay, I do know who he is. Good. He's good. Let's see. I got some good stuff for you. Oh, the two brothers that are writing the memoir are Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen. Yep. And who knows, man? That could be pretty. I thought it was Martin Sheen. Martin Sheen. Father and Son. Oh, it's Father and Son? Yeah, it's Martin Sheen and Emilio Esso. Sorry. Yeah, they think it's going to be called Along the Way and it's going to be released on Father's Day of 2012. And basically it's just them talking about the inner and outer stages of the journey of a father and son. Oh, wow. There you go. I wonder if he has any grievances, if Emilio has any grievances that his dad dropped the name.
Went to Sheen. I know. Sheen's better than Estevez, I think, in my opinion. More memorable. Yeah. We'll make a good goulash, baby. That's brilliant. Sounds like a rocking out version of Bare Naked Ladies. He's just doing his version of Dio. Yeah. This sounds like Bare Naked Ladies. Man. They can jam. Maybe they write some serious songs.
First time I heard that album, I had to ask for it to be turned off because I laughed so hard that my face hurt and my eyes were puffy and I thought I was going to go pee-pee. Wow. That's so good. It did not have the same effect. Oh, man. You know, it's guy humor and it's generational. You know, you had to know the Dio stuff. And then what he's saying is so... Stupid and... Your sauce will mix with ours. And it'll make a good goulash, baby. Three Stooges kind of feel to him. Yeah, it's just hysterical. And there's something about that style of music. Your sauce will mix with ours. I love it, yeah. So serious. It just takes itself so serious. And he's doing the old metal guys like Bruce Dickinson and Dio that used to take their music so seriously. And, you know, it's not serious.
It's not. Well, it was, in fact, it was kind of silly. Capes. Cheesy. Cheesy. Cheesy. Capes and sequins and boots. Big boots. Big boots and hair. Hair and... I love it. It's like a rainbow in the dark. That's right. Let's see. It's one of those things where if it were in a movie, it would make me laugh, but it's on its own. You're pleading out. Yeah, you are. Yes, you are. Yeah, you are. Why? I'll tell you why. Because you're in an independent coffee shop. Right now, you're not even in Starbucks. Right now, you're in an independent coffee shop. You're about to open up a little canister that you pull out of your hemp purse, and you're going to take out a hand-rolled cigarette that you made this morning because you have a tin of tobacco.
At home. And you roll your own cigarettes. And you're about to light up your own cigarette. And you're like. Sienna doesn't like it either. I didn't say that. She didn't laugh though. But you guys know that I don't get it because I'm young. I'm not criticizing. It reminded me of the movie School of Rock with Jack Black. That's what I related to it. It's just. I mean I subscribe to like Will Ferrell who everybody thinks is funny. It's not about being plebeian. It's about. It's just not my. brand of humor. But they liked it. Yeah. But I don't want to be called a plebeian. Hey, your little sister ever just knock on your door and go, I don't like your music. Yes. All right, man. Fine. It's cool, man. I'm going to tell mom, new loan. Turn it down. Your big brother ever just try to make you like all the music? Yes. And it usually works. Yes. And eventually she does. She doesn't. Yeah, she does. She goes to college and she hears it and she's like, reminds me of home. Can I tell you Barenaked Ladies? Now it's time for him to pass the torch. He has songs of wildebeest. He did sing about wildebeest and rainbows. We used to do a bit at my old work with Dio when we would write.
verses of Dio and it would be like, the lion and the scorpion were fighting for the throne. That's Dio, dude. That's exactly the stuff that he did. We would go back and forth, me and my boy John Neihart. I'd send him a verse. He would then build a verse off of that and send it back to me. And at the end of the day, we'd sing in Dio voice our song that we had written about jewels. Can we please start a thread on our Facebook page? and have it be Dio lyrics. Dio, 100%. And I'll sing it on the air. Or we'll sing it on the air. Yes! Write us a Dio song. I'll piece it together. Everybody just put one line. One line. Everybody gets one line. We all put one line and we'll just add to it and make a Dio song. And don't clown out if you don't know who Dio is and be like, you don't know who Dio is. You guys are fags. Yeah, exactly. I gotta delete my post. Dio would say something like that, though. You guys are friends. Especially you. My dear. You guys want to play lyrical chairs? Yes. Oh, boy. Yeah. Don't cheat. Me? There goes my heart. We don't have lyrical chairs. Right? Here goes my heart. All right. Here's the deal. It's really easy. What do we have as a prize, Jay? Today's prize is a trip for two to the Safari Park.
Okay, here's what you do. You call right now, you're going to pick a horse. You're either going to pick me, Sienna, Woods, or L.O.B. Jay's going to give us a topic and we have to sing a song that has that topic in the lyrics. Okay? And when it's our turn, we have about two seconds or so to sing a song. If you miss it, you're out. And the winner is the last man or woman standing. Okay. Sound easy enough? Yep. 570-194-9. I can already tell the two most competitive people on The Mikey Show are getting ready. Ella B. is doing calisthenics. I will just say, Ella B. has wiped the floor with me in games so far this year. Yeah. She's killed me. Yet, Woods always gets picked first. Yep. Track record. CNN never gets picked. I don't ever get picked. It never wins. I get picked now, but I just don't win. People are just nice. Just like you. Just throw me a bone sometimes. Emeline. Emeline. Emeline. M1 Brian from Carlsbad. Who would you like to select? You got it. M1 Jeff Mann from Valley Center. Who do you want? You got it. Hang on. Let's see. M1 Irie Panda from San Diego. Who do you want? Woods. Woods is taken and I'm taken. They all do, hon. I'll take Sienna. Hang on the line.
I like pandas. M1 Swede from San Diego. Who would you like to select? What are my options? L-O-B. That's a good option. There you go. That's the winning option. Probably is. Probably is. Here we go. Again, real easy. Jay's about to give us the topic. We've got to sing a song that has that topic in the lyrics. And when it's our turn, we only get a couple of seconds. It starts with Mike, moves to me, Woods, Lauren, Mike, me, Woods. LLB's lucky she's last. I know. Here we go. Here we go. Ready? Yep, I'm ready. Cities. Just in a song? Saturday. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. Viva Las Vegas. Dear Chicago, you'll never guess. You know the girl you set up meet someday. I want to be a part of it. New York. Beverly Hills. That's where, you know. Heading for the big D. I don't mean Dallas. Going to Kansas City. Kansas City. All over La Jolla and Wyoming. Sweet home, Chicago. What? Okay. Most famous songs ever. I've been to Alabama, Arkansas, whatever. Whatever those cities he says. Those are states. Johnny Cash says cities. Those are states.
States. But he says cities. I don't know cities. You gotta go to cities. He's in the city. You gotta give me a city. Oh, you guys suck. Two people. Sienna and Woods. Bombs over Baghdad. Outcast, baby. Okay. What? Oh, my God. Three. Oh, my God. Sienna! I just crapped my pants. Sienna just won. Holy cow. Holy cow. Sienna is jumping up and down. Wow, and that's great to watch. She just jumped onto that beanbag in delight. I think I should just go home now. That was amazing. She stared me down, and that's what got me. I was like... Sienna, you're good at this game. I'm not good. I know cities. My goodness gracious. I had one in my head, and I couldn't think. I love L-O-B. You guys suck. You know the song, I've Been Arena. But you gotta sing it with the shit. Whatever. You know, I even had one lined up, but I didn't know if you guys would give it to me. What? In West Philadelphia. Of course. That would have counted. I would have given it to you. Oh, boy. M1 Irie Panda. Yeah. Sienna has won for you. Yes! Yes!
Congratulations. See, guys, miracles do happen. Mine were so obscure. They're Ryan Adams. Sweet Home Chicago is one of the most famous songs ever. I love the fact that Mikey didn't get a single one. Chicago, Saturday in the Park. Saturday, Chicago. And even as you guys started going, I was like, oh, yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. You always think of them after. Hard. There's so many that I can think of now. I wish I could just... Not me. I wish I knew the freaking topic the night before. I can't even think of any right now. Right now, I'm like, I knew one. London Bridge is falling down. Would that count? Yeah. It's a song with the city in it. Yeah. I do know them. You don't know any, like, Spanish ones or anything? In Mazatlan. Tijuana. Tijuana. Oh, my gosh. I'm shaking. I'm so nervous. Oh, my God. Proud of you. I think the second time I've ever won in any game. Ever. In a year. Thanks, Woods. Everybody, this is Jay, and I just want to let everybody know that the machinery's stuck again. Don't blame me. If it's anybody's fault, it's probably Woods.
Or Chris. Or Will. Fire Will. Either way, it's Will or Chris. And I'll fire either one of them. I don't care. Eeny, meeny, miny, go is what I want to say. I'm still working on this thing. Oh, for goodness sake, I feel like Amelia Earhart. I'm ready to crash into the Bermuda Triangle. Where the hell's Will? Wake up. Did you ladies know, LLB and Sienna, that I was... 20 seconds from missing an important interview yesterday. Oh, yeah. I did. I saw that come down. I figured as much because you left in a hurry. Yeah. And you're like, see you tomorrow. And then you came like scurrying back in about a minute later. Yeah. You know what happened, Elleby? I have no idea. Let me tell you what happened. Yeah, I'll tell you what happened. So we finished the show yesterday. And Tuesdays are an easy day for us. Yeah. Tuesday's the best. It's gold. Yeah.
Tuesday and Friday. Oh yeah, Friday. We get to go home. It's nice to be able to go home. For the record, I said Tuesday. We get naps on those days. We finally get to get away from Mike. It's not about Mike. It's just we get our time. Finally away from all you people. But we don't have any meetings. Well, sometimes we have homework on Tuesdays. Well, Tuesdays are good. Yeah. It's okay to like Tuesdays. I love Tuesdays. I love all of you. I love Tuesdays. I love all of you. I love all of you. We need a day to have appointments and lunches with people. Doctors appointments. Serve. Serve. So we get off yesterday. We're fine, man. There's nothing going on. Sienna split. And I'm just doing some busy stuff on the computer. L.O.B.'s doing her thing. I'm doing a podcast. Mm-hmm. You're welcome, everyone. Just being dynamic. Yeah. And we recorded a promo for today's show and finish everything up about 1030. And so Woods is leaving and I'm ready to go to press the button on the elevator to go downstairs. And I hear a woman go, oh, there's Mikey. And I turn and I look into the lobby.
And there are two women standing there. And I go, hi. And she goes, Sharon. And I go, hi, Sharon. Now, Sienna, I have no idea. I have no idea. This is honest. I was waiting to ask you that because I knew you guys were together. I wondered how it all went down. I almost stepped in front of him just in case. Take a bullet. I almost did. I was like, who are these broads? I don't like anybody getting too close to my boy. I did. I almost jumped in front of you. Weirdo? Are you talking about going to rape me? No, maybe shank you. Maybe they didn't like you. A couple of women in their 40s. Yeah. Well, they could probably take you. But I like to be the buffer. Because I'll throw down. You won't. I will. Yeah. Yeah, with two ladies. Two ladies. Professional women. What is going on? I'm still so confused. So they walk up, and she goes, it's Sharon. And I go, hi, Sharon. In my head, I'm like, I don't know. She goes, We're here for the interview. And I went in my head, I forgot to put it on my calendar. I forgot to put it on my calendar. I forgot to put it on my calendar. Pulled his phone out. Pulled my phone out. Check. Go. I'm so sorry. I forgot. Completely forgot. If we had been 30 seconds before then, just would have not been here. And they would have been like, well, here's what we can tell you about Mikey. Wow. Yeah. I know.
How'd you forget? I'm so diligent about it. I'll tell you how I forgot. I was in my bathroom office. Which is just a bathroom for the record. Yeah. That's true too. And that's when I got the email. And I forgot. To put it on my calendar. Oh, gosh. I do stuff like that all the time. Me, too. But you don't. I do not. You don't. I never do. Oh, I forget everything. I don't even need to. I'll remember always. You're lucky. Knock on wood now that I say that. I'm very lucky. How'd it go? Two days from now. Great interview. Great interview. Two days from now, we'll have an article coming out in the San Diego Union Tribune on the year anniversary of the Nike show. That was fun. Haven't been interviewed yet. You weren't there. We were sick. You were sick that day. I hope that they call me. We were in the trenches. We said a lot of good stuff about you. We did. Are they going to call me? She said, yeah. I hope. Yeah. I'm upset. If it makes you feel any better, Sienna, when we had Mikey-thon, the news came and filmed all. I remember that. They filmed me, Mike, Woods, and Jay. And they cut me out of the shot. They sure did. I guess I look too tired. Yeah.
I guess you can't be sick a day. They kept the two fatties and they cut out the good-looking blonde. Yeah, me laying right next to you. I'm like, yeah, Jay looked good next to us. Jay looked real good. When he saw himself on the TV, he would just look like a corpse. Deathly tired. Deathly tired. I'm never going to forget that. You ever just look like a corpse? He said it and then we looked up and he was like... In pajamas. I look like death. You ever just look like a corpse? I almost walked out of the mic you thought. You ever just look like you've been soaking in a river for three days? That's exactly what I was like. Yeah, just put me on the news. How about that? Kid's a little tough on himself. Ten years ago, I'm on the news. I'm like, well, somebody's going to get some action. Not anymore. I'm like, I don't even know how my wife stands me. You sound somebody like you're in Mel's Diner when you say stuff like that. Because you're not over the hill. You make it sound like you're this old telephone repairman. And you're like, ten years ago, I could have got him. You're still a good looking guy.
I've gone downhill so hard. Let me show you guys some pics from 10 years ago. Those are my prime. I've seen them on Facebook. Yeah, yeah, we've seen them. You're a dad now. Just about. Take your dadage. It's funny because he's fat. For the record, Jay plays that every time. Yes. Jared from createyourdesignonline.com is ready to do business cards for you, your website, anything you need. He is your guy. CreateYourDesignOnline.com does my business cards, which gave to those ladies that came in here yesterday. And they loved the picture. They loved the business card. They go, this is a really cool business card. They were really nice. They were. He's the best. That's what he's doing. I love Jared. You want to hear Oprah and her boob getting grabbed by a koala? Of course. Who wouldn't? Who wouldn't want to hear that, right? Yeah, she's, I guess, in Australia. I don't know why. Yeah, for her new network. She got a nude network out, huh? Oh, did she take her whole show? And EW, yeah. She did a lot of stuff in Australia. She had this show with all these Australian famous people. Nicole Kidman. She bought, like, a new territory there. Yeah. Yeah. It's the Oprah territory. Those claws look like they would hurt. Well, they do. They're sticking in here right now. She likes my breasts. She likes my breasts. What is this one's name?
Please isolate that. Oh, really? She likes my breasts. She likes my breasts. Already got it. What does this one think? That's fantastic. Wow. Fantastic. She likes my breasts. Who talks like that? You don't? You get a breasts. You get my breasts. You get a breasts. Wow. They punch him. You get a breasts. Wow. They're punking you, but he kept going. Help me, Oprah Winifred. Wow. That was good. Tired from today's show. I laugh so much. I know, man. I'm exhausted. This week I've been laughing a lot. It's good. I know. It's a good feeling. For the soul. I know. It's great. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. Could you get punched in the stomach, Woods? Yeah, I could. Have you ever been punched in the stomach? Yeah. Absolutely. On purpose? I can do it. No problem. Plenty of girls have...
punch me in the stomach. Let me punch you in the stomach. Guys have punched me in the stomach. I got in a fight one time and usually, you know, you go for the chin or the face and this dude went for the stomach and took me by surprise. Yeah. One punch. I'll let you punch me in the stomach. You'll let me punch you in the stomach. I'll let you punch me in the stomach. What about me? Can I punch you in the stomach? No, you cannot. Why? You afraid of me? Because I've seen you punch. You punch woods all the time. Really? Yeah. She was punching him while he was like, oh! Will you let L.O.B. hit you in the gut? Yeah. As long as she hits me in the stomach, not in the ribs. Right here. I'm scared. She does the thing like in Kill Bill. She kills him with one punch. Jay's coming in here. Jay's going to go to the hospital. Were you really, Jay? Jay, why do you want her to do that? I don't want you to get hurt. He's a tough guy. He's tough. I can do it. In high school, all those guys are like, punch me. With everything she has? Yeah, as long as she lets me know, it's coming. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on, video, video. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right in the money maker. Hey, Woods. Yo, I'll, here. Can you move those mics? Oh, yeah. Should I really do it as hard as I can? Hard as you can. You know what? Move that mic this way. And then you guys come, like, right here. Don't hurt him. Should I really give it half? Here, let me get out of the way. Give him everything he got. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Okay, I'm ready. Where should I do it? You tell me where you want it. Right here. Right, and inspect your gadget. Go ahead. Oh!
Okay, ready? Oh! Wow, she's pretty good. That was kind of below the belt, LB. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. I heard it. I kind of want her to do it to me now. Wait, I want to see if she's gonna make it red. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. Really? Yes. You got it! Down here. Not in the sternum. I don't want it, I don't want it, I don't want it! Go, go! Okay. He's face down in the beatback chair. That's Jay's fault. Jay grabbed him. Jay did that? Got him in the boys. Jay scooped under. He scooped from behind. Woods didn't even know it was coming. He's just the right one. He's just the right one. Dude.
That's the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. Mic up video. We'll put this up. Oh, L-O-B, that was a good punch. It was? Wow. Wow, I'm strong. Is your stomach red? It's not red. It's not red, but it's definitely, I can feel it. I heard it. That was like the movies. The one. I was trying to warn you. I was pointing down to your voice. No. Why did you do that? Was your eyes watering? It hurt. Why wouldn't I? Why did you do that? All I can say is in the words of LeBron James, karma is a B. What do I call this? Jay and Woods. Get punched. Get punched. Oh, he's a dude. You do it to me all the time. He's a dead man. You want to buy me all the time. Do you want? Yeah, what am I hearing? Oh, I jumped. Let's see. Whose is that? Who will we be calling? Woods' phone just called someone. Who says, hi, we're leaving a message on someone's answering machine. This is Woods' phone!
Come back to bed, Judy. Come back to bed, babe. Your boobs are huge. My buddy, Adam Wilde. Wow. We just left him. I was like, why do I hear ringing? I heard talking. When I jumped down on it, dialed him. Great. Now I'm doing fat dials. Fat dials. Your fat is now dialing people's numbers randomly. Holy cow. Fat dials. Fat dials. Wow. Jay's dead, by the way. You do it to me all the time. There will be payback this week, and it will be on the air, and it will be good. You do it all the time. I'm going to scheme on this for a while. Wiener time. The music in the background. Okay, one more time. Wiener time. Oh, Hoyle. Oh, boy. Hoyle slash Jay. Oh, I just want to call it a day. It's times like these people always ask, do you write this stuff? No. No. Woo. It was fantastic. What are we listening to? All right. Oh, you know what we should do? Movie. Let's do a movie. Yeah. I'm going to save it. Take it. All right. It's real pretty. You know how we do? We will listen to songs and we'll come up with like a movie scene for it. So we'll do that.
That one didn't move me. Oh, it moves you. We'll see. When you get back, we'll see. You ever just poop on somebody's song? You ever just fat dial? You ever just fat dial? Create the movie scene. You ready? Yes. You go first. Me? Yeah, you go first. A little Asian girl. She's standing at the front door. And war-torn Okinawa and her dad just got detained by American soldiers. And they're taking him away. I don't think it works. No. It works. It's not Bruno Mars.
But it works. No, I need one more like powerful. This is like. Oh, it's good. Picking strawberries. That's good. Go with it. Go with it. You're picking strawberries with your boyfriend, Mikey. Picking strawberries. This is my turn. Because I'm Mexican. Yeah. No, I just, you like to garden and stuff. You like strawberries. And you like strawberries. That's all I meant. I'm not a racist. Go, Mike. You have a good one, don't you? I don't know. He can't. You see? I'm not feeling it. I'm not feeling it. I got a great one. Freaking weird. I'm trying. I'm trying. It doesn't make me. I liked your last one. She messed you up. No. Yeah, she did. If she hadn't said anything, you'd be like, this man is driving. Promise. Promise. Promise. Sienna. I'll come up with something. I'll come up with something. I promise you I will. Ready, James? I'm ready. The moment's passed. I'm ready. The girl and the guy are on a bike. She's on the handlebars, and they're riding. They're riding. It starts to rain. They're riding. They're trying to get home. They finally throw the bike down the front yard, and they run up on the front porch, and he's kind of saying goodbye, and there's that awkward moment, and then they have their first kiss. That's brilliant. That works. I like it. That works. I like it. I'm annoyed by this song. This song is amazing. This song gives me the chills. It's amazing. I just keep picturing lovemaking. Listen to this line right here. But you always do. So that's every day for LB.
Very soft, a lot of sheets involved. Oh, that works too. Isn't that great? A close-up on sheets and body hair. Oh, wow. You know, like the little tiny ones on your arms and stuff? Yeah, you have to have bright light as a background. Just two silhouettes making love? No, you'd see skin. Great shot. Right to the baby maker. I think I have some. Never mind. Sienna ruined it for you. I didn't mean to ruin it. I only speak the truth. She ruined it for you. Your truth. It's fine. I know. It's my truth. It's fine. I'm going to try. It's fine. L.O.B., you want to try? You already did yours. I'm making love to a black man. It's kind of a porn. It would be nice in black and white. You ready? I'm going to try. It's supposed to just come naturally. Yeah, never mind. You're trying too hard. It doesn't. Manhattan. Always.
All right, I'm done. Good. Took the wind out of his sails. Yeah, Sienna did that. Yeah, I need something else to work with. I need something like deep. That was like too fairy. Too fairy. That's the word that came to my mind. That is a beautiful, beautiful love song, Sienna. It's a little fairy. It's a beautiful love song about unrequited love. Oh, sorry. Hey, there's somebody in the Black Eyed Peas that they say is legally blind. Who is it? All of their fans. Yeah. That would be an ear thing if you were trying to make the joke. Anybody who thinks Fergie's pretty. Yes. There you go. Apple D. App. Apple D. App. I'm not sure who that is. It's his makeup name. No, that's his name. Fake name. They call him like the Apple for short. Apple Diap. And yeah, he recently just revealed that he's legally blind. Can't wait to see him at the Super Bowl. He was diagnosed with a rare disease. Should I try and pronounce it? Yes. Yes. Isolate. Nystigmas. Nystigmas. Yeah, nystigmas. Isolate. It sounds like I adopted a child from Africa.
took him to his first doctor's appointment at the pediatrician, and the nurse opened the door and said, Nystigmas? Oh, that's us. Nystigmas Esparza? Yes, that's us. Nystigmas Esparza? Nystigmas Esparza? Nystigmas Esparza? Nystigmas Esparza? You know what? Doing the news is a tough job. Oh, yeah, it is. It is. You read some of that stuff? Welcome to the roast. Oh, yeah. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. So great. White and young fun. Well, he has no stigmas. Okay. And so, you know. Bless you. He says, you know, I just have to deal with it. Billion dollar expansion being done to Lindbergh Field. Yeah. Shouldn't take long. Now, another thing about two years. Oh, perfect. But it's pretty cool. Should make air travel a lot easier. Yeah, should make parking just badass as it is already. They're saying it's called the Billion Dollar Green Build.
They're trying to do environmentally sensitive design. So nothing will look different. It'll just like the toilet paper will be better. I bet there'll be some solar panels. Well, it's going to be a mirror image of the existing terminal with 10 new gates, a signature common area for travelers. They're going to have an elevated roadway for departing passengers, which is cool because it's all congested right now and might as well have two levels. It doesn't seem that bad. With a sophisticated curbside check-in. But yeah, they say the ribbon-cutting ceremony is still two years away. What is that? Sophisticated curbside check-in. They're in top hats. Yeah. And canes. Well, hello there, sir. I am here to check you in. No more whistles. No more whistles. We're just going to play a symphony when you go up. It's wonderful to see you this afternoon, sir. Well, you'll be flying to Denver. I'm going to Nevada. Would you like a crumb bit? That's right. I'll be going to Nevada. And is this your bag? This is my bag. All right. Well, we are sophisticated curb check-ins, so welcome to Lindbergh Field. Cheerio. Do you have a top hat on? Yes, I do. do and this is my tuxedo. Cheers. Cheers. Don't step on my coat. Welcome to Lindbergh Field. How may I help you? I would love it. Pointing at your gate with his cane. Just this way. That's a gate 24. You must first go get molested by security but then after that you're free to go. Then you're free to go. Oh my gosh. Proceed four gates past this quarter.
Wow, you are really sophisticated. I loved it. I would love that. Of course you would. Oh, that hurts. A couple of people have been charged over hacking an iPad. Yeah, so these two guys, and they hacked over... 120,000 users' information from an iPad. And some of these people that have the iPads were the celebrities like the New York City Mayor, Michael Bloomberg, and Diane Sawyer, and Harvey Weinstein. Really? They got all their information from the iPads. Yeah, these two guys in their 20s. They were taken into custody by FBI agents yesterday morning. And it could be a lot of trouble. Yeah, for sure. Hackers. They're in a group, and they call themselves Internet Trolls. Greetings, nerds. I think Captain Buzzkill is in that group. Yes, he was. You know, that iPad. Yes. I made a big mistake. Why? Because I got the one that doesn't have the 3G. Oh, for the love of God. Give me the one you have. Are you ever happy? I got to tell you guys.
No, I have to tell you. Jake likes it. I've been into the Apple. I've walked into the fire with Mike Esparza. He was like, oh, Woodsy, this is what I'm getting next. I go, dude, you just got a new one. Yeah. He's like, it's not good enough. This is a new one. It's technology. Technology is ever evolving. Right. You're never going to be happy. Right. Do you realize what you've done to yourself? Well, see, here's the thing. My iPad only works on the wireless. Wireless. Wireless. So I can't use it, you know, when I'm out jogging, hiking, you know. Boating. Boating. Bring your Mac doing Iron Man. Yeah, doing Iron Man. When I'm training for Iron Man, I can't go on my iPad. Sailing. Yeah. Hunting. Hunting, you know. When I'm sweating to the oldies. Yeah, when I'm sweating to the oldies. Rollerblading. Yes, when I'm rollerblading down Mission Beach. On the boardwalk. Yeah, in short shorts. Riding a Segway real good. Riding a Segway. Now that I can see. When are we going on our Segway tour of downtown San Diego? We need to do that. I want to do it so bad.
I'm in. It would be hysterical. You guys will end up breaking them and having to pay for them. I want to try to knock him off. I say we do Babboa Park. Babboa Park. Babboa Park. Next weekend we do Babboa Park. And what was it? Papamoose. We'll go to Papamoose. Hillary is in the studio. Did you listen to any Chicago yesterday? I did. When I got home, I had to break out the greatest hits. Got to do it. Good stuff. Got to do it. So good. Let's see. Oh, I want to let people know. On Facebook.com slash Mikey show right now is the video of L.O.B. punching Jay in the gut. I look like a troll. No, you don't. And then she punches Woods in the gut. And right when she punches Woods in the gut, Jay comes underneath. And gets him right in the boys. Yep. A little reach around. Yeah. And it's all. It's like a tap tap technique. Right in the boy. Right in one. Right in one. You got me in one boy. I'm not sure there's two there. Also on our Facebook fan page, we are in the midst of writing the greatest Dio song ever. Oh, like a rainbow in the dark. But all I need, you go on there and just put one line. Nice. And I'm going to. Oh, I'm going to put like 10,000 lines. I'm going to play it on the air tomorrow and we're going to sing it.
Yeah, Woods started it and the lyrics began like this. The lion and the scorpion were fighting for the throne. Yes, they were. Oh, I'm so in. And I was the next line and I said, with daggers of iron and handles of bones. That's so perfect. And then the next line was M1 Jonathan. He said... A circle of flames. A dance of death. It's going to be amazing. Hillary's loving it. Oh, my God. It's great. It's going to be amazing. It's going to be like a 10-minute song. Oh, yeah. All DL songs are. Just loop them. So what are we going to do there? 730 tomorrow? The lion and the scorpion. Fighting for the throne. Does anyone use the word hellfire yet? It's got to be in there. You put it in there. Got to be in there. Add to it. Hillary, what do you got coming up? Oh, that's so good. You know I'm going to play some Dio. There you go. I grab TV on the radio and a perfect circle and Best Coast, Nine Inch Nails, Mumford and Sons, and Dio. There you go. There it is. Lovely and talented Hillary up next.
Hope you're enjoying your day here in Liverpool. Foggy, foggy. It is pea soup when you're driving around. It is. I thought it was supposed to be nice all week. Isn't it? Isn't it clear enough? We had plenty of nice weather. I don't complain. I'm complaining. I want more nice. I mean, it is the dead of winter, so whenever, San Diego. I know. Hey, listen. Even San Diego has to take her makeup off every once in a while, right? Reapply. Maybe that's what today is. Wow. Great. We will be back tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock, and Mike shows up. Later.