The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 01/21/11
Friday, January 21, 2011
postpartum insomniaviral fountain fallpedicureslive head shaveTaylor guitar debatepronunciation gamefamily boundariesbaby websitehickey induced strokeaddiction recoveryradiopostpartum
Sienna Farrar opened up about severe postpartum insomnia and the painful decision to stop breastfeeding Sage so medication could help her sleep. Mikey and Steve Woods turned the lighter half of the show into escalating stunts and arguments: Mikey discovered pedicures, Jay Isbell had his head shaved live, and Mikey and Woods sparred over whether a novice who abandons hobbies deserves an expensive Taylor guitar. Woods also opposed Jamie's plan to give their expected son Connor Patrick Woods his own website, while Sienna and the others argued it would help distant family follow the baby's first year. The crew debated a 19-year-old's right to object to his mother's dating life, joked through Jay's pronunciation test, and reacted to the bizarre report of a hickey-induced stroke. Mikey closed with a serious account of childhood abuse, alcoholism, drug use, losing his job and home, and the Christian faith he credits with helping him rebuild his life.
What happened, in order
Sienna's postpartum insomnia
Sienna described going four nights without sleep, trying acupuncture, and tearfully stopping breastfeeding so she could take medicine that finally let her sleep for six hours.
The fountain fall backlash
The hosts played an interview with the mall employee whose distracted-texting fall into a fountain went viral, then mocked her complaint that nobody helped and suspected she was laying groundwork for a lawsuit.
Mikey discovers pedicures
Mikey surprised Rebecca by joining her for a pedicure and manicure, raved about the massage, and endured relentless teasing over his shiny nails and carefully groomed feet.
Jay loses all his hair
Jay let Mikey and Woods shave his full head of hair live in the studio, including a temporary friar-style bald patch, before the group decided the finished buzz cut actually suited him.
The Taylor guitar argument
Mikey argued that disposable income entitled him to buy a premium Taylor guitar, while Woods said a beginner with a history of abandoning expensive hobbies should earn that upgrade first.
Jay, pronounce this
The crew tested Jay on phrases including 'mademoiselle,' 'foliage,' 'chest of drawers,' and 'voluptuous girl,' celebrating his successes and pouncing when he inserted an extra sound.
A son judges his mother's dates
A 19-year-old asked whether his divorced mother was wrong to bring men home, and the hosts agreed he could express concern but could not control an adult while living in her house.
Connor's personal website
Woods called Jamie's plan for a Connor Patrick Woods website embarrassing and excessive, while Sienna and the others defended it as a flexible way for distant relatives to follow the baby's first year.
The hickey that caused a stroke
Sienna reported that a New Zealand woman's neck bruise formed a clot that dislodged and caused a mild stroke, temporarily taking movement from her left arm.
Mikey's testimony
Mikey recounted childhood sexual abuse, anger, addiction, and losing his job and home before turning to Jesus, then told struggling listeners that recovery had made him confident and grateful rather than hopeless.
People mentioned
MikeyMike EsparzaSienna FarrarSteve WoodsJay IsbellLauren O'BrienRebeccaJamieConnor Patrick WoodsSageRussTy
30,404 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
The Mikey Show on a Friday with a live studio audience hanging out. And we are ready to go. I'll tell you what, man. Chris is the best. He's the best. Our phone screener, Chris, is the best. He takes care of us. Yes, he does. He just rushed in here with Woodsy's tobacco spit cup. Napkin in it, ready to go. Call it a spittoon if you want. That's right. He knows exactly how you like it. He is the greatest. Yeah. He's the greatest. I feel so bad sometimes, but I'll take care of him. Kind of a diva. I'll grease him. A little bit of a diva. That's not diva-ish. It's a little diva-ish. I couldn't really get up because we were starting the show, and I forgot my spitter. He's such a helpful guy. He's helping you. He is a helpful guy. Love him. The best. Love him. He could live in my house. He could live in my home if he wanted to. If he needed to, he could live with me. Diva means that you say, listen, when I come in in the morning, I want you to lay out.
robes for me. That's Deva. That's my job, Mikey. That's Jay's. That's Jay's job. 570-1949 is our number, so call us now and you can talk to us at the beginning and end of every show. So give us a call. And you can also text 949mikey at gmail.com. Let's see. 7.30 this morning we'll be doing Jay. Pronounce this. I can't wait. Because Jay says roof riff. Desert? Desert. Out in the desert? That was yesterday, Sienna. You missed that? Out in the desert. Desert. I don't see why that's wrong. He saw a lizard. A lizard. Pampa moose. Speaking of pampa moose, word of the day is Oreo. Okay? Word of the day is Oreo. That's what Lauren wants to be. Black on both sides. White in the middle. Not to be confused with Hydrax. That's creepy, Uncle Jay. Starting to show off right on a Friday. I take it back. Like my man. Hey, just because you're going out of town today, Jay, doesn't mean you can just throw stuff out there, you know?
So, yeah, if you hear me use the word Oreo between now and 10 a.m., that will be good for Dinner for Two at Pamplemousse Grill on January 27th at 6 p.m. And also a pair of tickets to see Interpol at Remac on February 2nd. And by the way, Pamplemousse, if you win it, caller number nine, if you win this for word of the day. What you need to know is that you will be responsible for alcohol that night and tipping your server that night. Pample Moose Restaurant is, to me, the best restaurant in the known universe. Phone lines lighten up, 570-1949. 127 people were arrested in a mafia sweep. It's crazy. This happened yesterday. They're saying it's one of the largest mafia takedowns in FBI history. Damn it. Yeah, guys in New York, New Jersey, and Rhode Island. The authorities had some help of mafia turncoats who actually recorded thousands of conversations of these suspected mobsters. And among these guys were union officials, two former police officers, high-ranking members of the Gambino and Colombo crime families. Really? Yeah.
And so, yeah, a bunch of people arrested. I mean, some of the crimes include murder, extortion, arson, drug dealing, corruption. You know, you name it. It's a movie in the making. Did they say, and maybe I missed it because I was trying to find this song. It's cool music. Did they say how they caught them, what they were doing? Yeah, I said that there was some mafia turncoat. Oh, rats. Who had thousands of recorded conversations. Yeah, couple rats. Couple rats. They actually. I found another separate story with the 20 best nicknames of the big mafia bus. Oh, yes. And so I'll just read a couple of the nicknames just for fun. All right. Actually, Woods, you will. Oh, yeah. Because he'll do it better than me. Let's see. Hey. Okay, you got Vincent Aulisi. Oh. Also known as the vet. Yeah. The vet. Vinny the vet. Wow. You got Steven DiPiro. Wait, wait, wait. And let's pause for a second. Because I don't know why they call him the vet. Oh. But I'm freaked out. Like, why would they call him the vet? Is it the veterinarian or the veteran? Vincent the vet. The vet. Maybe it's the vet. Like, he's been in it for a while. Yeah. Steven DiPiro, also known as the beach. The beach. Must be a big fat guy. Yeah. You got Anthony Russo. Antonio Russo, known as Hootie. Hootie. Hootie. Frank Bellantoni, meatball. Yeah. They call it meatball. Yeah. Forget about it. Kid loves to eat a meatball. Vincenzo Rogerio, known as Vinny Kawash.
Vinnie Car Wash. Why Car Wash? Because I guarantee you, he owned Car Wash as his front. I guarantee you. Yeah. Or he was real good at scrubbing the DNA out of your car. He drowned people. Oh my gosh, Woods. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Hey, something happened to somebody and you're worried because if they find your car, they're going to start looking for stuff. Take it to the Car Wash. Take it to Vinnie Car Wash. Yeah, take it to Vinnie Car Wash. Like Pulp Fiction. You got Joseph Karna, known as Junior Lollipops. Amazing. Kid's always got a lollipop in his mouth. Justefi DeStefano, known as the pooch. The pooch. The pooch. That's my new nickname, the pooch. Hey, the pooch. Right here. Hey, call your pot belly. And you got Vincent Fabraro, known as Jimmy Gooch. Jimmy the Gooch. Amazing. John Hartman, known as Lumpy, Fatty, and Fats. Yeah. Hartman couldn't make Hartman because his mom was not Sicilian. That's right. Dude, this is so fascinating. Luigi Manocchio, known as Baby Shacks. Baby Shacks. Baby Shacks. Let me see. It's incredible. I don't want to know what Baby Shacks means. It's a little disturbing. Wow. The names, man. Isn't it amazing? Giovanni Vella. These sound like great Italian restaurants. Yeah. Have you been to Giovanni Vella's yet? Amazing. It's so good. You've got to get the veal. Yeah, get the veal. It's so good.
Chicken parm. Let's see. John Brancaccio. Yeah. The names are better than the nicknames almost. Who names their kid Giuseppe? Frank Bellatoni. I know a Giuseppe. No way. Yeah. Of course you do. I love it. It's an Italian name. Hey. Giuseppe. Frank Bellatoni. Vincenzo Frigerio. I love it. I love it. Wow. Well, there you go. So fascinated by this. 127 people arrested. Yesterday, we were talking about the Amber Alert because it was up for the second day yesterday. Today makes the third day the Amber Alert is up. Yeah, a little four-year-old boy named Giuliani. This is just so sad. In Northern California, if you hadn't heard, he was home with his grandmother. His mother's ex-boyfriend came into the house, ripped the little boy from the grandma's arms and took off in that car. Not his father, right? Not his father. Not his father. His mother's ex-boyfriend who apparently was abusive. Obviously not a great guy. And that was the third time he...
of that day that he tried to get the little boy. I guess he went by earlier in the morning and the little boy was sleeping and the mom was able to get him out of the house. Then he went by the kid's school and the kid's school called his mom and said, look, this guy's trying to get your son out of school. You know, he's still here. And the guy left. And then the third time was when the grandma was watching him. Oh my God. And then he was able to obviously rip it out of the grandma's arms. Grandma called the mom frantically and then the Amber Alert went out. So still no good news from there. It's awesome. Just really, really sad story. Little Giuliani, three feet, six inches tall, weighs 40 pounds, brown eyes, black hair. And according to the Amber Alert, he was wearing dark pants and a light blue shirt at the time of his abduction. And he's still missing and the car is still missing. Yeah. The man that took him, Jose Rodriguez, 27 years old. He's a Hispanic male, about 180 pounds, five feet, nine inches tall. This is a 03 Corolla silver, right? Mm-hmm. They did not find it yesterday, and they dragged. I had reported yesterday that they were dragging the canal and looking for the Corolla. Didn't find it again all day yesterday. Seems like a false witness report. It could be. Yeah. 2003 Silver Toyota Corolla. You see the signs, the Amber Alert, all over the freeway when you're driving. I don't have the license plate number in front of me, but I remember it starts with H. HBW. HBW, yeah. HBW. I'll try and find it again. No, I remember it was HBW.
Plus, I just saw it. And it started with a six. I know that. Yeah. Let's see. M1HB from Arby. What's going on? Good morning, everyone. Good morning. I wanted to just send out, wanted everybody to either say a prayer or think good thoughts. M1 Maddie has an interview today. All right. Very nice. Yeah. Go get them. Absolutely. Get some. Good luck. Get some. Thank you. Thank you. Welcome back, Sienna. Thank you. Yeah, Sienna was out yesterday, and we were talking about it on the air. I didn't hear any of it, but I got some nice emails. Yeah, we were saying how, you know, you just haven't had problems sleeping. Postpartum insomnia is what I have. Really? Yeah, so it's an effect from having sage, obviously. It's why it's happening. It's just my body's having a hard time. Yeah. And, yeah, I went to. get acupuncture yesterday I was told that that would help and you know when you get acupuncture you're supposed to fall asleep with all those little needles in you and for whatever reason I'm lying there wide awake not even relaxed and she looked at my tongue and she said yeah something about my tongue you absolutely have insomnia so this has been going on for the acupuncturist looked at your tongue and said yeah something about the way my tongue looked something I don't know how they know those things but she said yeah wow you really you absolutely have insomnia
Show me your tongue real quick, Mike. You like enchiladas. You're right. I don't need to look at his tongue. I'm looking at Woods. Woods. You like blondes. Yep. Amazing. That is true. So, yeah. We got this. Holy background. There's been a lot going on with me recently. And it was last Wednesday night was the fourth night in a row that I didn't sleep. So I was like, I couldn't come into work. Yesterday I was scared just holding sage because I was so shaky. Yeah. So last night I slept six hours. I had some help. With some medicine. Nice. It's a heroin. Yeah. Straight heroin. I don't think that would put you to sleep. But it was a real hard decision because to take these medicines, I had to stop breastfeeding. So I decided I had to do that. Was it tough? Oh, I was crying all day. Yeah, because she's five months and I wanted to go a lot longer, but I'm going to cry. Oh, don't do that. I know. It just bums me out. Well, here, let's talk about something funny. Well, wait, I have a question about the acupuncture. Okay.
So did they stick a lot of needles or a little bit of needles? There was about 12. Really? Yeah, one right between my eyes. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I've only done it once. I've never done it. I didn't know anything about it, but my mom goes to this woman and she had talked to her and told her what I was going through. She said, yes, she needs to come in. This is really going to help. And it may have helped me, like called me because I did sleep last night. Now, do they take the needles? Because when I did it, it was like a rubber band thing. And it was like. And they would like pull it back and go. No, that didn't happen to me. She just stuck him in. She just stuck him in? Uh-huh. There was one like in the inside of my wrist and the inside of my elbow. Did you feel it? On top of my foot. Did you feel it? On some of them, I failed. Some of them actually were, like, sensitive. I was like, oh, that one feels weird. So she put it somewhere else. Yeah. They always use a little plastic tube and just hit it. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, the little tube thing. It's not rubber band. For me, it wouldn't rubber band. That's it. It shoots it down into your skin. Yeah, it just controls the depth that it goes in. I don't think she even did that. I think she just popped. You know why I said the rubber band thing? Because I remember that's what it felt like. It's a little tube. And they put the little needle. And then they, you know, jab it. And I remember that, to me, it felt like.
Somebody had a little slingshot with a rubber band. She described it pretty well. It's like the opposite of tweezing your eyebrows. You know, it's like that same type of like feeling of your eyebrow coming out because the needle is that thin as a hair. So that's what it was like. But yeah, it bummed me out that I didn't sleep. I actually was getting like worse. I felt that hour in there like, why am I sleeping? It's your brain. Your brain runs so fast. Yeah, but yeah. And I was doing a lot of research yesterday and, you know. Postpartum insomnia apparently is something that happens. I'd never heard of it. I'd only heard of the depression, which luckily I don't have. Right. But the insomnia gets you. Oh, yeah. Especially when you know your alarm's going to go off at 3 a.m. Yeah. I'm sure that doesn't help. No, yeah. I've always been really fascinated by acupuncture and want to try it. I think it would be pretty cool. There's a guy that comes to town. He travels. Oh, my gosh. He does one. He did one in my head, and he could control the volume. Wait a minute. Jay? Goes to a traveling actor. This guy travels the world. You mean like the guy in the beginning of Wizard of Oz? He arrives in a balloon. Yeah, he comes in a balloon. He comes in a balloon. And he's behind this big, no. He comes to the guy who does my chiropractor.
Oh, boy. I'll get it together here. Can't wait for 7.30. Can't wait for 7.30. And so he comes and goes out of his office for a month. He's here for a month. Then he goes off to India and studies. I mean, he's got a big, long, white beard. Of course he does. Of course he does. He goes back to Akron. But I've had all kinds of acupuncture. This guy. When he put it in my head, he's like, okay, I'm going to turn it up and turn it down, so be ready. He goes back to Bakersfield, Jay. Whatever. He turned this thing up, and I swear I thought the top of my head was going to explode. It was like energy was pouring out of my head. I was like, ah. And he brought it back down. He dialed it back down? He dialed it back down. And then the energy came back down? No, I mean, I could not even. I was like this. I was like, ah. What did it do for you? My back was out, and I could not see my normal doctor, and I walked out of there, and my back was fine. Really? That was great. We have one on our baseball team, and some guy hurt his arm during a game one time, and Adam ran out to his car and got his needles and started working on his shoulder. Wow. The guy took the mound the next inning. He was okay. I don't understand it, but there's something to it.
Yeah, I mean, I can't say that it's not for real because there are people that say they've done it and it works. It's not like lactose intolerant, you know. It's not a fake bit. I mean, it's a real thing. I don't know. I believe Jay's story, but mine. Yeah, I don't think I've had bad as well. I've had people that don't know what they're doing. They just took a class. It's being Mikey in there. Yeah, it's like first day. But this guy, you know, he's the legit guy. He's the king. He's the king. He's the king. He's the king. He's the wizard. The wizard. Let's see. Oh, this is good news. The Representative Gifford from Arizona that got shot is doing even better. Yeah, she's actually going to be moving to a rehab center in Houston today. Good. So she's leaving the Tucson Hospital. And actually, it was reported that yesterday she was able to stand up with assistance and get into a wheelchair. That's awesome. She was brought outside for a while, went on the hospital deck, and that was the first time she'd been outside. So she's doing really well. Great news. Great news. Playoffs? Playoffs! Playoffs for this weekend. Yes, sir. Oh, my gosh. We got Woodsy. We got Sunday. The early game out here is going to start at noon. It's on Fox, and it's the Green Bay Packers at Soldier Field in Chicago. They're saying, like, 21 degrees. The field is a turd. It's slippery. It's, like, gnarled up.
So my pick, I'm going to take the Bears, even though I want the Packers to win. I think the Bears will be able to pull it out at home. Really? I do, because that field is going to slow the Packers down. And the Bears are used to it. You know, any way, because I've been thinking about these four teams. And to me, any way this plays out is an interesting Super Bowl. Absolutely, man. It's going to be, you know, these are four. Four legendary, legendary NFL franchises, which is really, really cool. I mean, the Jets, the Steelers, the Packers, and the Bears. It doesn't get more football than that. It just doesn't. So that's the early game. That's at noon on Fox on Sunday. And the later game is the Jets at Heinz Field and the Steelers. That will start at 3.30 Pacific. And, wow, going to be a battle. They're identical teams. That's the game that I think is the more exciting. It's got more cachet to it, for sure. Oh, yeah. And there's been a love fest all week with the Jets talking about how great Roethlisberger is. I think it's a ploy. I really do. I think that Rex Ryan, for being a loudmouth foot-loving creep, is also probably a pretty great football coach. Potentially great. Don't hate him because he loves feet. That's true.
That's weird. It's really strange. It's a really strange addition to make. So those are Sunday. I'm stoked for them. I can't wait to watch. And I think the Steelers are going to take it. I think it's a Steelers Bears Super Bowl. And I think the Steelers take it. Steelers Bears Super Bowl. Would be rad. Oh, please. For your sake, Sienna. For my marriage. Yours too. I'll be okay. L.O.B.'s boyfriend and Sienna's husband are big. Steeler fans. We got a lot of Steeler fan M1s. M1 will be huge. M1 baby kitten, huge Steeler fans. Huge. Like they scream at me every day about something. Well, you know, I have an agenda too. My agenda is for LT. I think he's a classy guy and I'd like to see him have a ring. But, you know, nothing against the Steelers. I think the Steelers are cool. That would entail the Jets winning the Super Bowl, which we, I mean. That's the last thing I want, to see the Jets win the Super Bowl. Good for LT if he gets a ring. That's the only reason. It's the only reason. I just love LT and think he's a classy guy. I would like to see Aaron Rodgers get a ring. I think he's a good dude. I think he's a great quarterback. Ben's got a couple. I can't stand – what's his face? Captain Dumbface. What's his name? Cutler. Jay Cutler. I can't stand that dude. Don't want to have to – all my buddies in Chicago don't want to hear that lip for a year. They are every day texting me how fired up they are.
Another weird story that we'll tell you about later is Nadia Solomon, otherwise known as the Octomom, could not be stranger. Oh, she's the weirdest. Could not be stranger. She's now being investigated because of a, what do they call it? Baby fetish video. Yeah, which is grown adults dressing like babies and, you know. And she's like a dominatrix. Oh my gosh. Weirdo. Strange, strange woman. Does she get enough with babies? She's got 14 kids or something. Well, I think she fulfills the fantasy because she's like the mother hen. Weird. Yeah. It's very odd. It's real creepy and bizarre. And so anyway, we'll tell you about it later. I sure do like that song. I know you do. That's why I put it on there. It's so good. Happy birthday, man. Thank you. It's not my birthday. I know. You guys heard about the viral video where the woman's texting and walks into a fountain inside of an inside mall? I love it. We put it on our Facebook fan page. So if you go to Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. It's Mikey, yeah. Facebook.com slash Mikey Show.
The video is there now. You can see it. And when we come back, you're going to hear audio of her on Good Morning America talking about it. Walking into a fountain inside of a mall. The things that make you famous. I know it. I know it. So we'll do that. And we're also going to be playing movie plot Hot Potato. And Loser has to take... Uncover your face, Woods. A BB to the boys. Oh, I didn't wear thick enough pants. I didn't wear any underwear. You've got to start wearing underwear, and this won't be a problem. Start wearing baseball pants on Friday. Yeah, a cup. All right, so we'll do that next. Let's make some noise in the studio. Be listening for our word of the day, which is Oreo. That will get you dinner for two at Pamplemousse. And don't forget, we'll be playing Jay. Pronounce this at 7.30. Viral video out there of a woman texting and not paying attention and walking right into a fountain inside of a mall. And she was on Good Morning America yesterday, so we'll be playing the audio of her talking to them about it because the thing is viral. In fact, if you go to Mikey's show, our fan page on Facebook right now, you can actually see it. We changed our photo on the fan page.
And it's now the exact same portrait that we have in the studio, which looks like an oil painting that Jared did for us at Portrait. What is that called? Portraits? I have it. Hold on. I believe it's PortraitPrints.net. It is. PortraitPrints.net. It is. PortraitPrints.net. That's right. If you go to Facebook.com slash Mikey Show, you could also see the final day of Woodsy's Feet. I made it real sweet for you today. Oh, my gosh. Real sweet for you. That's right. So, all right, let's do this. Let's play this for you. Oh, yeah. Forgot, forgot, forgot. Sienna, what's going on in the news? This may be some good news for you that drive on the South Bay Expressway. Now, this is a private toll road that runs from the 54 in Spring Valley to the 905 in Otay Mesa. Well, as of Monday, the toll road's first credit card machine will go into operation. Is there anything worse than having no cash when you need it? No. So, yes, credit cards will be taken at the operation at the Olympic Parkway booth. And then by mid-February, there'll be machines at every booth. Also, Walmart made a pretty big...
announcement yesterday they announced that they're going to have new healthier food and they're going to actually reformulate thousands of the store brand products that they have and they're going to reduce sodium and sugar and push its suppliers to do the same thing and they also said that they're going to reduce prices on produce and um you know Just try to help it up a little bit. Reduce prices, L-O-B. Reduce prices, I believe. Let's see. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, Rex Ryan gave a press conference yesterday, and, man, he sounds pretty confident about the win, but he's going to tell you what he expects. Cut one. But this is a, we've called it before, a triple chin strap game, a straight ahead, no fair dodging game. Both teams are built the same. That's going to be one heck of a game to watch. And all I want to do is find a way to win. One point, whatever. He sounds confident, but he doesn't sound as confident as world-famous Jets fan Fireman Ed. We're going to walk over the George Washington Bridge with a piece of steel in our hands. We're going to march over. Wow.
You said I've seen that guy? Can I hear that one more time? We're going to walk over to George Washington Bridge with a piece of steel in our hands. Amazing. We're going to march over because we're bringing it home. Oh, my. Amazing. Fantastic. Fantastic. Yeah. And he's the guy you've seen him at Jets game more than likely. You've seen him at the Jets game. He's got the jersey. He's got the fireman's hat on, the Jets fireman's hat. More than likely. Yes, you have seen him. Wrong, sir. No, I have. Have you seen him? I have seen him. He is what you call a diehard. And then also former Padre Chris Young has passed his Mets physical, which may be the first physical he's ever passed since he's been hurt for the last five years. He can earn up to $4.5 million if he hits all of his incentives this year for the Mets. Wouldn't that suck to see him regain his form in New York? Yeah, and do it. Yeah, absolutely. Let's do it here, pal. Okay, so. If you go to the Facebook page for us right now, you can see this viral video. Woman's walking. She's not paying attention. She's texting. I can so see that happening to you. She walks into an indoor fountain inside of this mall, and it's pretty fun. Anyway, this was her on Good Morning America. When did you first learn this had gone viral all around the world? I got a phone call Friday morning from my nephew.
And he's like, do you know you're on YouTube? That's actually two days after the fall, right? Oh, my gosh. Yeah, but I did call mall security Thursday, the next morning. I called them and I let them know that I'm a mall employee. I said, I do not want to say the store where I work or my name because I'm really, really embarrassed. Why not just go on Good Morning America then? I said, I don't think that was nice what your people did. And he's like, no, it's not. That wasn't very nice at all. But, you know. But it's funny. So we was like, you know, let's do it. We made an exception, you know. Yeah. Exceptions you make for the funny, you know. Yeah. Like, yeah. Maybe not nice, but hysterical. Yeah. Hilarious. Hilarious. Hilarious. Hilarious is always going to win out over nice. Yeah. Sorry. We'll try to take drastic measures. Just be lucky that nobody knows you. Be glad that nobody knows you. But meanwhile, the whole world was watching this on YouTube and television stations, our show. And having a great laugh on my account. They was laughing at me. They was yucking it up. They was sending me text messages. Yeah, real funny. I was like, whatevs. Yeah, so funny. What's the consideration? Yeah. How about a little niceness over here? You know, I admit.
It was funny, but nobody took my feelings into consideration. She's not crying, is she? She is. She's not crying. She couldn't be crying. She said it was funny. She's crying. She's going to bring the room down. I'm sorry. Nobody. Nobody called. Are you okay? It shows in the video. Well, we know you're okay because you got right up and got right out. And it was a little fountain. You didn't fall in the ocean. Yeah. Nobody went to my aid. Not one. Wow. Nobody went to your aid because you popped right up and got right out. That doesn't matter. I see. Someone should say, are you okay? Somebody run up with a towel and drape it around her like James Brown. Are you okay? Someone should say, are you okay? You're not, you know. Greg Louganis getting out of it from just doing a, you know. Triple Indy. Single person went to my aid. It could have been.
Anybody's mother. Oh, boy. This is dramatic. It's a bit dramatic. If it was my mom and I was with her in the mall, I'd be like. You would not. Holy crap, you just smell the fountain. You would not. 100% I would. You're a boss. Or am I a human? And would they have gotten the same treatment as I did? You ever just play something up real good? What the heck? She's sad. You ever try to set something up for a lawsuit? Oh, yeah. Oh, Mikey, yeah. You ever just real litigious? I just, I can't believe that I was walking in the mall and then the security used it against me. And then I've had these headaches ever since. It's like I can't sleep. My shin's all bruised up. My neck's all sore. I can't even go to work. It's been absolute nightmare. The piss. 36 hours. It's a nightmare. Awful. Where are you going after this? Where am I going? Yeah. Maybe Fridays. Fridays. Maybe Long John Silver's. I had heard that you were doing. Yeah, and I had heard also that you were doing Regis and Kelly. Yeah, Regis and Kelly.
Excuse me, I'm her attorney. Oh, Mr. Attorney, how are you? Just wanted to ask her a few questions. Go ahead. I have to do that, but first I've got a chiropractic appointment that I've got to keep. Well, you look good. You don't look like you're her. I'm a good sport. You don't seem like a good sport because you're crying about something that really wasn't that big a deal. I could be your mother. I could be your sister. I could be your grandmother. That's true. That's true. You don't even care. You're right, I don't. Fountain in a mall. The fact that she works there makes it even worse for her, too, because it's like you didn't know it was there. If it were me, I would be like, look at me. You're just a fountain idiot. I may do it this afternoon just for a bit. Let's do it. I was on my way home yesterday, and my wife said that she was picking something up from the dry cleaner. And so I, you know, I knew where this dry cleaner was. So I quickly pulled into this same dry cleaner place. And I said, what are you doing? She goes, I'm going to pick up the dry cleaning and then I'm going to go get my and then I'm going to go get a pedicure. And I said, OK. And I immediately decided in my head, I'm doing it with her. And the pedicure, the pedicure. Yeah. And so I.
Well, first of all, I walked into the dry cleaner place where she was at, and she was standing in front of the counter, and I put my arm around her, which scared the crap out of her. She should have grabbed her butt. I know. If I had thought of it, that's what I would have done. Rebecca would have shot through the roof. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. She would have shot through the roof. Together. Holding hands? Well, no, I noticed from your shiny fingernails that you got a manicure as well. Oh. But I'm all woman. Mike just put his fingers in his mouth. Hey, do me a favor. Kick your head back a little bit for me, if you would. Just kick it straight back like that. Just kick it back, just like that. You got all the bats taken out of the cave. Yeah, bats out of the cave. Eyebrows look good. Mike Esparza. Man, you guys ever just speak out of school? I couldn't help but notice your beautiful fingernails. Oh, my gosh. They're shiny. They're shiny. They are shiny. Hang on. Oh, my God. Why are they shiny? Because they buff them. Because they buff them. Should I tell you? Okay, so I need to say don't do that.
Show them. Hold them up. Can I make them not like that? No. They'll go away after like two days. Yeah, just take some sandpaper and just, I'm a man. You'll be working in the yard today anyway, so. It was one of the greatest experiences of my life. The pedicure? Did you laugh? Tickle? I have a picture. What? I have a picture of his feet. Why? Can you send it to me? You guys are strange. Yeah, you guys are strange. You just sent pictures of feet. And now people are writing in and wanting pictures of everybody's feet, especially the girls. Oh, my God. Yeah, we've got to. Yeah, Rex Ryan. Mine are in moccasins right now. They'll stay there. Yeah. These Vietnamese women. And then I know that they're Vietnamese because I asked, what language are you speaking? And she said Vietnamese. You're going to go home on freetranslation.com trying to figure out what they were saying? Ella B., I wanted to know what they were saying so bad. Oh, yeah. You so pretty. They were speaking so quietly, and they could hear each other from nine feet away. They would go like this. They would go, I'm telling you, I'm telling you. And the girl nine feet away would go. This is true. This is what it sounded like. From nine feet away, it sounded just like this.
Maybe we're deaf here or something because we have to scream. I mean, so quiet. I've noticed that too. The first couple of times that happened to me, I would go, excuse me. That's not real Vietnamese. It's 100% real. That's legit Vietnamese. That is how it is, though. This guy's feet stink, is what they were saying. Oh, I'm sure. They don't. Mine would. How do they look now? They look great. Let's show us. No. Yeah. Show us. Show us. Okay, so I have to say, don't buff them. Because I don't want them shiny. They are shiny, shiny. It's gay. Will you show us your feet? That part is gay. Just that they're shiny. Yeah, maybe the whole thing. Remember when you were a man? Whatever. I'm gay. Listen. I remember. It was. Barely. Barely. And a 15-minute neck massage. Oh, my. No, that's all right. That's okay.
It's like $4. It was the greatest thing. I didn't even know that was an option. Do you have like four people working on you? Two Vietnamese women. Wow. One on my feet, the other with my hands. And every woman in there. Every woman in there. Every woman in there. It was all blonde women, one gay guy. That was you. Okay, two gay guys. One of them just happened to be married to a woman. A beard, if you will. It was the most relaxing. We walked out of there and I said to Rebecca, I wish that lasted an hour longer. Have you ever gotten a Thai massage? A what? A Thai. Is that something that I have to bleep on the air? Do I have to hit the dump button because of what you just talked about? Like originating from Thailand.
That's not bleaching or shaving or waxing. It's just a straight massage. It's a massage. All right. But that, and sometimes you'll get two people on you at once, too. L-O-B? What? You just said it. You're filthy. Filthy. Got to pay extra for that. But I'm like, I could do that all day. To your defense, though, Mike, every time I go get my nails done. I know. Oh, boy. What, Jay? Oh, boy. Two things that I was going to say that I didn't know if I could. Creeps. Creeps. Creeps. To your defense, every time I go get my nails done, there seems to be more men that are going now. Homosexuals. No. No, I'm not. I'm just kidding. I've got it. I've got it. Thank you. What do you want? I try to get my husband to go, and he's, like, laughing my face. I want him to. Todd, is he listening? What time is it? 6.46. He's dropping off the baby right now.
Is that another way of saying he's going to the bathroom? Yeah. It's not the same thing. No, that's... He's got the kids out of the pool. Oh, okay, okay. Any dude that's listening, I'm telling you, I know how effeminate it sounds. It's the greatest thing in the world. It feels very... It feels so good. It feels so good. It does feel nice. It does. You know what? Let me do it. Two things. One, you did it, and you're the guysest guy I know. That's one. The other thing is, I saw Terrell Owens do it, and I'm like, he's a big, giant, muscular black dude. I can do it. P. Diddy does it a couple times a week. Really? He's a very well-made cured man. We did it. I didn't think it was all that great. I thought it was going to be a lot more foot rub. This one was. Oh, was it? Yeah. Yeah, they run the gamut. God, I squeal. I laugh. I laugh so hard. My feet are so ticklish. I like to sit in the chair that massages so hard that it hurts, where it's just kneading and kneading. Oh.
Great experience. He invited me. Dang, he goes, you should come down. I said, I'm on the couch, my friend. Yeah. It's great. And his toes needed to stay painted. Yes, I wasn't allowed. Oh, that's right. So I'll be going home today. What do you put on it? Cute. No polish remover. Cotton balls. Oh, okay. Yeah. You're making me want to go get a pedicure. I know. I really will. I haven't had one in so long. No, that's way too loud. Oh, yeah. Dude, I'm telling you it was more quiet than that. I'm going to give you, I'm totally honest. This is how quietly they spoke. And there's like, it's loud in there. It's so quiet that if they're doing your feet, if they were speaking English, you wouldn't be able to hear them. And they have their faces down, so they're talking down, so it's even quieter like this. So you can't even hear, but the person feet away from you can. Okay, so, Woods, let me see your hand. Come around. That's creepy. Maybe it cuts through the middle. Grab this chair. Grab this chair and come sit next to me. If Mikey whips out a ring.
L-O-B. L-O-B. You be the woman I'm talking to, okay? Okay. What do I have to do? Here's the deal. Not looking. They're not looking at each other. Mike is pretending to do Woods' nails. They're looking at the hands. I'm pretending to do Woods' nails. Lauren's about, I don't know, six feet from Mike. Mike is pretending to file Wood's nails with a red band. This is strange. Pretty good at that. Now he's doing the cuticles. Chris has got to get pictures of this because this has got to go. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I need... Wow. Oh, wow. He's really going for it. He's pouring fake water on Woods' hands. He's squeezing some sort of ketchup bottle that's got white stuff in it. Yeah, lotion. Cuticle stuff. Yeah. Bye. I wanted a translator so bad. This is what it would have sounded like. How did he get a beautiful woman like this? I don't know. He's so big.
He's big. What? He has a pretty hand. He has very dainty feet. He picks strawberry, I bet. Or a professional landscape. Yeah, such tiny hand. Tiny hand. Dainty soft. Remind me of walnut. Oh, wow. That's the conversation that must have happened. I think that what happens is everyone else is blabbering away English and the Vietnamese cuts through so they can hear each other. Yeah. Oh, man. That, let me tell you, what was yesterday? Thursday? Yes. Thursday afternoon, 2 o'clock in the afternoon, packed. Oh, yeah. Packed. Let's pass this around. It's a picture of what? It's a picture. I'll post it on our fan page. The feet? It's a picture of my feet getting pedicured. I almost peed a little bit when he sent it to me. You laughed. You wrote back. Listeners in the studio are passing it and laughing at the bit. Yeah. Why is it so funny? That is men's feet. Because it's my little feet. Easy, Rex. I know. Sad, strange little man. I admit it.
All I'm telling you is try it. You get it done on the reg? No, I haven't been getting it done on the reg. You've gotten probably more pedicures than me since I've been on the show. Here's my question, Sienna. Yeah. How often can you get that done? Because I don't care about what they were doing. It just felt so good. Before. Wow, Mike, this picture is ridiculous. Yeah, jean charts on there. Jeans are rolled up. I took my jeans and rolled them up. Before I had Sage, I did it every two weeks I would go get a pedicure. Wow. Once every two weeks. Easy big money. It's not that expensive. It's not that bad. It is nice. Yeah. But now I've done it once in five months. Yeah. Wow. Once a month is, I would say, a good for you. Don't go every two weeks. That's just weird. You're a man. I am. What should I put as the title of this? Foot fetish. Oh, wow. Dainty. Dainty feet. Dainty. Tiny feet. Tiny. Stepping feet. Feet. All right. I'm now sending this to our Facebook page. Oh, boy. It's greatness. You're bold. Whatever. Let's see. What else is going on? What else is going on? That's my beauty day. Let's see. Yeah. Woods yesterday.
This is a funny story. Only me. Woods yesterday went into the restroom when we were done with the show here, and he went in the restroom, and I went in the restroom, and he was in a closed restroom, which meant that he was making business. Handling business. Weird. Filing papers. And Woods has a lot of bro code. Bathroom etiquette. Bathroom etiquette. One of his deals is it's rude of me to leave if he's in the bathroom. It's not normal. And vice versa. And vice versa. And vice versa. I was getting there. Vice versa. If I'm in there, he believes it's rude of him to just leave, that you're a bro, you talk, you know? It's not right. Yes, it is. Weird. Now, I said to him, hang on. I said to him, I go, hey, dude. Is it bad bro code if you're doing what you're doing and I leave? He goes, no, you can go. Yes. That would be disturbing. If we're both doing the same thing, you have to stay. And he made that point. You guys are not. That's so weird. Women go to the bathroom together. It is extremely weird. He made that point. I like to visit. I don't know.
When Lauren's in the bathroom and I'm in the bathroom, if she's still in there, I leave. I'm like, see you in there? I don't want her to stay. But if he's at the stall and I'm at the stall and we're both doing one, then I'm like, and he'll finish up and run. I'm like, hey, get back in here. Where are you going? Who wants to just keep breathing in back? I understand. But that's why he said it's, you know, go ahead and go. So I do. Oh, my God. And when I leave. What happens, Woods? Well, I'm just enjoying myself and having a grand old time. And I hear this on the outside door, not on the stall door. And there's stalls, yeah. Oh. Click, the door opens, and I hear, maintenance. Oh, my God. And I go, I go, I'm in here. Just like that. And my heart immediately, and I start sweating. It's a woman, too. Yeah, it's a woman. It's a woman. So I'm like. Well, guess I'm done. So everything's done, you know, whatever was not ready to go. But I went and I so here's my rationale as I'm washing my hands. I'm going great. Now she's out there. She's out there. I'm going to have to run right into her. And she knows I'm the only one in there. Yeah. OK, she knows I care. So I walk out. And of course, she's standing.
right in front of the door. Oh, yeah, I saw her. And I go... Every day. And what do you say? But this is right after our show, right? Yes. Why are you cleaning it then? Every day at 10, 15, they clean. So Woods put it perfectly. He's like, that is prime poop time. That's prime. It's prime. Your coffee's kicked in from the morning. Yeah, that's true. You're kind of burned out on work already by 10, 30. Do that overnight? They do it at eight. So I walk out and she's standing there and I go... Hi. And she goes, is there anybody else in there? And I go, no, there's not. So now she knows what she walks into was that guy. That's the guy. Woods from Woods on Sports is the guy that just. There will be a face later made by that woman like. Yeah, he just wrecked shop in here. And I got to go. I guess I'll go in and take care of everybody's business. I was mortified. I'm sorry, Woods. I'm surprised that it was a rough day for you. Oh, so mortified. And she was standing there. Hello. Hi. How are you? But yet it's okay for Mikey to be in there? Yeah. See, we're friends. We know each other and he's a man. Yeah. It's not some broad in there. Movie plot hot potato next. Loser has to take a baby to the boys. Now, let me just say this. Oh, no. And I mean this. The Mikey Show is a show that appeals to 18 to 34-year-old men mostly, but we actually have men and women listening to the show. I want to point out.
Jay and Woods are professionals. Don't try this at home. I don't want people taking BBs to their boys, but Jay and Woods will when we come back. One of them will. Make some noise with our live studio audience. Let's make some noise in the air. We've got a live studio audience hanging out. Mikey's show is me and Woods and Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as LOP, and Sienna, and Jay, our producer, and then our phone screener, Chris. It's Chris. That's right. You guys want to play some Movie Pod Hot Potato? Sure thing. Let's do it. Let's see. You call us right now, and you're going to pick either Jay or Woods. Loser has to take a BD to the boys. M1 Mick from IB, who would you like? My T.O.J. There you go. Hang in line. His Uncle Jay. T.O.J., dude.
Let's see. And this is M1 George from Del Cero. Who do you want? Let me get my boy Woodsy. That's right. Woodsy. All right. Hang on the line. I think I've lost two weeks in a row, haven't I? Yeah. Last week it was a draw. Last week I got cheated, but that's fine. So we're playing for, we've got dinner for two at the Shores in La Jolla is what we're playing for. All right, cool. $65 value. Cool. Okay, the way that it works, 60 seconds, and they've got to describe a movie plot to me and toss a hot potato back and forth. And the person holding the hot potato at the end of the 60 seconds is the loser. I feel like I should put this cap on this water bottle. Yeah, probably. Yeah, good call. Good call. I'm real scared of the ball flying around. Very good call. You chewed the cap off. Yes. Yeah, you can't cap it. I'll move it. You ready? You can't. Okay, yes. Woods is holding the ball right now. And they will toss back and forth as I get the movie. Here we go. Ben Affleck and his boys rob a bunch of banks. The town. This is a town in Alaska where this sheriff is pregnant and she's going around having to solve this murder. It's a Coen Brothers film. Oh, that's Fargo. That's not Alaska. Oh, it's not? Weird. I had that on there, too. Clint Eastwood is a racist old man in Detroit. You hated it. It's named after a car. Carla. Oh, my God. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. He'll get it. He'll get it. It's a car. Famous car.
Monte Carlo. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I think he's doing this on purpose. I'm not. I swear. I love it when this happens. He sings the song at the end. If you're driving a blank, blank, blank. He's squirming. Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood. Car. Sienna. Lives next to the Asians. Don't. Hell. Lives next to the Asians. My boys are on the line. That's true. Grand Torino. Yes. Go. It's a hit. It's not important. What? What? Did it go off? Yes! Did it go off? Yes! Yes, Mikey, yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! All that was in my head was Monte Carlo. Monte Carlo. Monte Carlo. I don't even remember it now. Gran Torino. I was thinking El Dorado. I was like, what is it? Yeah, Gran Torino. He got it. I mean, with a hair left. Jay just got it. Just got it. I think Mikey wants to see me shout. He got it. I apologize. You saw him. Jay, I'm telling you. You hate me. Why do you hate me?
He hates me. I don't know. Holy crap. I was thinking Monte Carlo, Monte Carlo, Monte Carlo, and then boom, Gran Torino. I'm telling you, as the ball hit Jay's hand, it went... I didn't even hear the buzz. Where's the door holder? What were you starting to say, Jay? Natalie Portman, ballet movie. Black Swan. Black Swan. I like the town in... Alaska. Fargo, Alaska. Fargo, North Dakota. Alabama. Jay is backing up. Woods has got the BB gun. And Jay is turning around. He's got on black shorts. It didn't really? It didn't really? Oh, wow. That looked very painful. Wow. Witsy's doing a different bit today. What? What do you mean? Why the hat? How come you're not all... They usually spiff out. I wear a hat. Did you stay up late? No. Oh, man, I got in bed at 6. You did? Yeah. Got in bed at 6, fell asleep at 8, and it was amazing. How come you're not all spiffed? I wore a hat. I usually do my hair on Fridays, but I've been...
We have a live studio on it. Yeah, I usually spiff up a little bit. I apologize, you guys. It's nothing against you. It's something I'm going through. I'm thinking about doing the bit where I shave my head because I think my hair, my hairline's receding, so I think I'm just going to shave it for now. Dude, shut your mouth. You've got a beautiful head of hair. Do you have a beautiful? It's not receding at all. It's not receding at all. It's receding. Look, Woods. I could show you receding. I'm falling apart. Mine is receding. Look at that. It's given up. Yours is thinning. It's not receding, Jay. It used to come down farther. Let me see, Woods. It's receding, but not bad. Woods is the thickest hair I've ever seen. Woods, you do a deal. He's pulling it. You do a deal where you shave your head to a... He did the air hair. Air hair. I've thought about shaving my head. We've talked about this, but I've got the world's ugliest head. It's not. It's not bad. People think that, Jay, and it isn't. Oh, I have a dent in my head. A what? A dent. A dent. A dent. Well, I've got a dent in my head. It's a dent. I got a dent. I got a dent. I would shave my head. What is a dent? It's...
I'm going to punch you. I fell on my head and got like 43 stitches as a kid. Oh, only 43. Come here. Come in here. I've done the shaved head before. I look a little serial killer-ish. Can you see it? Like bald you've been bald with? Not bicked bald, but I've done a number one. The buzz cut. I can't imagine Jay with the buzz cut. You know what, though? You can still do it. People can. Yeah. And I figure if it is receding, which I think it is, I should just go ahead and. And take it down so people get used to seeing me with a shaved head. Well, and even if it looks better, it'll grow back. I would shave it. You should. You think Kim would let you? No. He's thinking about it. She would. I don't think she'd care. You think she'd let you, like, right now? Can I shave James? No. Well, if he's going to do it, we should do it. You guys! If he's thinking about it. I would let you do it. Oh, my gosh. You've said before that you wouldn't do it. Well, I mean, it's not like it's hair. It's going to grow back. Yeah, exactly. If it looks bad. If it looks bad, you guys can be honest with me and tell me if it looks bad. Are you going to be mad? I don't know. I'm not going to ask. I'm just a grown man. I would kill Todd if he came home bald.
Well, bold and a bush cut's different. Here's a real trick. I could probably come home and I'd wait a couple days for her to notice because it's like I've shaved facial hair all day different. Facial hair's way different. When did that happen? Do we still have the clippers from a Mikey-thon when I shaved my goatee? They're yours. Yeah, I know. Are they still here? I don't know. I don't know where they'd be. Well, if they're not, I'll go to CVS and buy them because I want to shave his head. Should I go look in your office? I'll call Adam. I'll call Adam. No, I think we still have some. I want to shave his head. But you do like a number one. You can't bick it. No. Well, how are we doing? I'm not doing this with a razor. No. Like a trimmer. He had clippers. Yeah, I had clippers. Because he had to shave off the majority. Well, then they're probably in that box of stuff from the 28 hour. Oh, yes. I'm shaving your head. Go see if we still have them here. Wait, Tiana looks victorious. And if we don't, then we'll send Chris to CBS to get a pair. Oh, my gosh. Jake's feeling all brave because he took a BB to the boy. Yeah, he's going to do whatever. I'll shave it. Yeah. Shave face. Cut my arm off. I don't care. Anything for the show, I'll do it. Whatever you want me to do. Light my head on fire. All right, fine. You want me to make a lip pickle? I can do that, too. It's a lip pickle. I'll jump. You say hi-hi, Maggie. You want me to jump in the mafia? Oh, I hope we find it. I'll jump in the mafia. You want it? I hope we can find one. Blood in, blood out. I hope we can find one. What? Do we know?
Chris is looking. He's going to go look in the box of stuff. Okay. I didn't find them in your office, but we will find them. I'll throw the old debit card down and I'll get some clippers right now because I probably need some new ones anyway. You're not going to shave your head. No. You guys, I feel bad. I know. Do you? Kim is going to be like, are you serious? I feel bad if Kim gets mad. I don't want her to get mad. Come on. She's doing his big bear appearance this weekend. Oh, my God. He has a big appearance and people are going out and he's the host. Hey, Mikey, when we shave my head, is it going to bother you if there's any numbers in succession, like sixes or anything? Yes. Oh, wow. That's creepy. Yeah, he's got a tattoo of that. Yeah, on the back of his crepe. Can we give him like a mohawk or something first? Oh, I want the fryer. Oh, yeah. The fryer. The fryer. That's mean. Absolutely. The fryer. It's going to go, dude. It's going to go. What am I, your clown? Yes. Yes. You're here to amuse us. Let's do the fryer. We'll do the fryer. The fryer is like the horseshoe straight down the middle. It's just the middle. It's just the middle. It's disgusting. It's a circle on the top. They did it to Tim Tebow. He found some. Oh, yes! Oh, mama! You know what? We've got to get something to go down to the floor, too, though. I've got a newspaper right here. You don't worry about it.
That works. I'm going to go get a tarp or something real quick. Go get a tarp. A tarp. I'm going to run down in my truck and get my tarp. I'll just fasten a tarp out here. Yeah. I got some string. Yeah. I'll find some twine and some thighs. Look at this. Is this yours? Of course it is. It's like a heavy duty black box filled with all the accessories. Fancy black box. What company is that? Wall. Yeah. It's a good brand. It's like 12 bucks for that. It really is. Oh, gross. It's got hairs in it. Yeah, it's got my beard hair in it. Really? Really? Oh, God. Really? Oh, boy. Oh, good. I feel like there's hair on my tongue. I know, me too. Do I have? I don't even know if I have a one in there. This is a one. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, no, that's just bald. This is what we're doing. A one is. I thought a one. You're saying that with no attachment on there is a one? That's what I've always said. No attachment is like a zero. That's what I thought. A zero would be bicked. That would be no hair. No, that would be a bick. No, that's shaved. Okay, that's shaved. Fine. If you want to do that, if he's willing to. They should be numbered, right? Did you drop that piece on your piece? No, I dropped one of your. Things in the spit cup. No, in my coffee.
Which is the recycling bin anyway? We'll just put that one out. I'll rinse it off for you later. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. Hey, Woods. Don't do it again. No cutting my ears. Woods is going to do it? I don't trust that. I'll do it. I'll do it. I don't trust me. We'll just all take turns. Okay. I don't want any part of it. I don't want to do it. Weird, weird, weird. I do not want to be hurt. How do they? They don't even put numbers on them. I've never shaved somebody's head. I'm not going to start. Six millimeter. Oh, this is the right ear taper. You got everything. See if he'll... Are you okay with just the attachment on its own? Ow. I don't... Hey, you decide. I don't know. It's your head. It's going to get cut. He has a lot of hair. You guys are the bald guys. What do you do with yours? How do you do yours? I have to Bic mine. Here. Go with one? Jocker, come up here. This is it. Jocker. This is it. Get on the mic, buddy. Get on the mic. Just no guard. Like, if you just do it just like that, like with no attachment, then it's pretty much just like that. All right. Will you do that, Jake? Yeah. Jake? Is that a one? He did that yesterday. I'll do that. But your hair, that's not a one? No, it's not. Maybe we'd let Jagger do it. Yeah, I'll do that. He's got a sharp-looking head. I'm oiling it up. It's going to be fine. You know what I think we should do? In order to have a fryer,
Don't you have to take it down to like a four and then do a one to make the fryer? Do you know, Woods? I don't know. I'm just going to cut a whole circle. Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Poor Jay. Jay comes to work and now he's leaving bald. I don't know when I signed up for the fryer. You just ran mouth. You ran mouth. Well, we'll do the fryer first. Take a couple pictures. The fryer's just for pictures. That's mortifying. Shave it. Oh, my gosh. So, Nadia Solomon, the Octomom, does videos of grown men dressing like babies, and she's whipping them. Okay. I don't know if she does it, but she did it. She did it. Yeah. Now, okay, let me just paint this picture for you. Octomom. We all know Octomom, right? Well, she was at her home in L.A. with another male, an adult. She was dressed as a dominatrix wearing a black corset and black leggings. He was dressed as a baby. He had a bonnet on his head and was wearing a diaper.
Real babies don't even wear bonnets anymore. Oh, my gosh. Well, there's video and there's pictures. In the pictures, there's different scenery. In one of the pictures, he's on her bed while Nadia, wearing her corset, is whipping him with a whip, and the crib is, like, right in the background. You know, the crib's right there. And so bad that you could see welts on his back. Okay, guy that's into it? Who's that guy? In another scene. He's got mommy issues, is that guy. You guys, this is obviously... This is obviously a publicity stunt. This chick's... Yeah, she is broke as a joke. She's got a kid taken away from her. Publicity, bro. She'll make some money off this somehow. Yeah, she could be facing an investigation by social workers. Maybe that's what she wants. She's got 14 kids. Yeah. Jay, why do you like those videos? I mean, can't she do whatever she wants in her own home? Yeah. Yeah, but she's selling them and then it's right next to the baby's crib and stuff. Oh, she's selling them. I don't know if she's... Oh, I made that part up. Yeah. If she's not selling them, she's doing it for her own, you know... They're out, of course. But maybe if it's in the house where 14 kids are, they're like, what's happening in that house?
That seems good. It is the privacy of her own home. But, I mean, granted, she's just pictures out. The man in the video identified as an L.A. radio personality. Oh, boy. My kid. My kid. Secret. Secret. That'd be another dude. They have signed releases so the pictures could be sold and distributed. Of course they have. She needs money. They're broke. Now, in another one of these lovely images, another picture shows her feeding. him with a bottle and another shows him posing in the kid's play castle. What? Like peeking out. I saw it hysterical. This has to be a radio scent or something, right? I don't know. Even if it's fake. It's bad. Even if it's fake, isn't that creepy for her? And the people are going to be like, you're supposed to be like a mom and you're making creepy videos. I think there's plenty of moms out there that make creepy videos. Huh? There's plenty of moms out there that make creepy videos. I mean, what they want to do in their own home is what they want to do in their own home. Yeah. I just, I think it's weird. I don't see the... Well, there would be an investigation to see if she's endangering them by doing this kind of stuff. Right. And she's got weird men coming in and out. Yeah. Well, this morning, I tried to see if there was an update and stuff. And I did find that she was saying that she was, quote, grossed out from the footage that she saw. And she's insisting that the whole thing was supposed to be a spoof of her porno propositioners.
Oh, boy. People want to get her in porno. Yeah, I knew that that was true. Maybe don't do porno to spoof porno. Yeah. Maybe don't spoof porn. Maybe don't spoof fetishes with fetishes. Yeah. Look at how weird we would be if we actually did this. It's like OJ's book. If I really killed her, this is how I would have done it. Oh, my God. That is so weird. Okay, here's what we're doing. Quick timeout. When we come back, we're going to shave. Jay's head. Come back and shave Jay's head. Maybe it will grow back thicker, Jay. We're all stuffing our face. Nice, dicey. This is really good lolitas. Hey, this is Daman from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Oh, it's so good. Whenever I'm in San Diego, I like to go to Lolita's taco shops. They've been around for over 26 years. They probably have. Are you going to go next time you're in San Diego, Damone? Yes, I am, as a matter of fact, because they have locations in Chula Vista. Weird. Bonita, San Diego. They have another Chula Vista location. Weird.
And another one in San Diego. And the carne asada fries. And their California burritos are among some of my favorites. I ate that in two minutes. Record time, four more bites. We killed those. That is a delicious burrito. Man, feasted. Lolita's Taco Shops. Man, they're good. Really good. You make me weak. This one is a go now to our of the people out there that just want to join arms in each other and love each other.
Here it comes. Love it. How many teenaged kids with braces in the 80s made out to that song at prom? I feel like they at least slow dance to it. Oh, yeah. Love that song. I want to know why some people call it prom, going to prom, and some people call it going to the prom. Oh, good call. I said the prom. So did we. I said prom. Yeah. Yeah, we're going to prom. We said both. I said prom, yeah. Jay, are you ready?
What is he wearing? Are you ever ready? What is he wearing? He's wearing Mikey's cape. It's your cape. I'm going to use it to keep the hair off my back. Good idea. Yeah. Come on in. Come on in, Jay. Jay has agreed to shave his head. Oh, my God. I don't know if agree is really good. Oh, my God. Wow. Are you nervous, Jay? This guy comes to work with a full head of hair. Yeah. It leaves bald. You guys, listen. Jay, how long have we known each other? Over 10 years? Yeah, over 10 years. Over 10 years. He was the promotion director at Rock 105. And I have never seen him without the cool hair that he has right now. Wow. When was the last time you shaved your head? I'm more nervous. Have you ever done this? My buddy. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You just grabbed your mic. Go ahead. Go ahead, Jay. Okay.
You can talk normal. Okay, so my buddy, probably 15 years, 15, 20 years ago. When's it starting? He was going to cut my hair for me, and he just took the cutter and went straight over and did it. Oh, my gosh. I'm going to videotape. Oh, my good hair. Can you hang just a second? I want to get a groove going, you know? Okay. Don't hurt me, Woods. Kim, I'm so sorry. Man, Kim, if you're listening, I'm sorry. Oh. I'm already apologizing. I would buy her a gift maybe. Go ahead. Yeah. Maybe it'll look really good. No, I don't think it will. All right. Well, the first thing that we decided to do with Jay, and so people know, Jay's 47 years old, but he looks, I'm not kidding you. Looked. He, well, yeah. Now I'm going to look like a convict, an escaped felon. We'll grow back. Jay Lowe. From the insane asylum. I would say that Jay looks like he's about 32. Yeah, it feels good. You're doing so well. Yeah, brush that off. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Somebody, come here, Sienna. Film this. Film this. Wow. I'm going to go around, and I'm going to do some handiwork. Oh, wow. It doesn't feel like this is really happening. Oh, wow. Is this real life? Hang on. At least you can't see it. Hang on.
Yeah, feels good so far. Oh, why are you leaving bangs in the front? Look at that. Oh, my gosh. Me and my tag team. Wow, there's another tag team I thought I'd ever. Mike is cutting off his bangs with scissors right now. Oh, my gosh. Look at the razor, and he's going over. What is shaking with Glee? He has bangs, but a bald spot. What? We need to go down more. Mike, what would you describe? Okay, wait, let me get the microphone over here. Oh, Woods, Woods, Woods, Woods. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Woods is putting a dome on the top of his head and leaving the hair around it. He looks like prior talk. Oh, no. Look at all that luscious hair just falling. Oh, wow. Kim, I am so sorry. I thought you didn't want anything to do with it, Mikey. Yeah, I thought you were going to get him. Give me that. Give me that. I don't want anything to do with it. I want in. Mikey is like a professional getting out for it. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Wow. Andy's cutting his hair. I'm glad I'm married. Wow. This is the most thing I've ever seen. You guys are making like the shape of a yarmulke on the top of his head. I need a haircut anyway, so.
Holy crap. Holy crap. Let's turn this off for now. Wow. Wow. Let me get my hands up. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, my gosh. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Where's the scissors? Poor man. Okay, hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Oh, wow. Okay, okay. I'm going to get this. Hang on. Hang on. We're just jumping up and down. Wow. Can I at least get a magazine or? Maybe a drink. Can we get him a drink? Mike is putting his fingers there and then cutting through the fingers, holding that hair out. Here you go, Jay. Hey. Thanks, man. Thanks. Don't worry. I know what I'm doing. Oh, yeah. What I'm doing. Oh, the sports section. Perfect. That's exactly what I wanted. Gaylord Nick just came in the room. Don't worry. I'll finish the rest. Cut all the bangs off. Yeah, we got to get the bangs just right. Just right. Hang on. How long can we just get rid of all of it? We'll get rid of all of it. Maybe on Monday. Yeah, I will shave the rest of it myself. No, we're shaving it. It looks pretty good. I would shave the bangs off. No way. No, they're doing it. This is the fryer. I'm nude. Yeah, the tuck means that you have hair all the way around except on the very top. Oh my God. That looks incredible. Jay, look at the camera. Did you get it?
Oh, you can't tell from that view. Oh, yeah, you can. Oh, my goodness. You look sharp, dude. Yeah. Sharp. Wait, are you going to leave it? If anyone can pull it off, it's you. Can we finish this up now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so I'm going to stop. Does it feel weird? Wow, it feels. Oh, man. Man, Kim is a lucky lady. It doesn't look bald, though. You ready? Yeah, now you can take the rest. You still have hair on all those parts. Oh, boy. Sorry. Hey, can you pass me this mic to Santa? Think of the money I'm going to save on haircuts for the next three months. Oh, wow. Unbelievable. Woods is just shaving off all of his hair. I have never, ever. Be careful. That is my neck. Can I? I want to try. Oh, that looks so fun. That looks so fun. Oh, my God. Okay. Here comes a giant chunk of hair. Oh, wow. Falling to the ground. Oh, my gosh. He's wearing a cape. It's unbelievable. Woods is smiling like the devil. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I think this is the payback. Oh, yeah. Well, we got to tell you how he tried to pay Jay back yesterday. Oh, yeah. We never heard about that. Yeah. It didn't work. It did not go well. Oh, boy. Oh, wow. Look at that, Sienna. Gigantic. Oh, wow. I just took a picture of this. Chunks are coming off. I've never seen Jay this way. No.
I can't believe you've submitted to this. Look at this picture. Woods is smiling like the devil. Oh, my gosh. Just being dynamic for the show. Wow. Sienna, can you forward me that? Yeah. So I can post it on the site? Look at that. That's disgusting. Don't leave patches. You've got to even it out. Do I? Yes, you do. Hold your left hand up, Woods. Wait. Yeah, just stop. Hang on. Yeah, you can smile for the camera if you want. Oh, wow. Can I send this picture to your wife? No. I need to break it to her gently. She's going to find out sooner or later. Is she finding out now? Maybe. If she's listening. Maybe we can get a wig. If you're just tuning in, we are shaving Jay's head. How do you like your sideburn? You know, so far it doesn't look that bad. You know, most guys think they're going to look bad if they shave their head. They don't have the right dome for it. They do. You just got to go for it. Wow, it's so scary, though. Oh, my gosh. It's not bad so far. The friar was bad. This is normal. This is like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Well, that's reassuring. That is short. Everybody hurts. Maybe a little Phil Collins. Maybe a little Moby. Jay deserves a raise. I do.
That's... Wow. You know, there's other places I need to trim woods. Oh. Thanks, Jay. Thanks, Jay. That's really disgusting. It did. It looks nice. Maybe I have a new career. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. There comes the top. The top is going to be... Ready? Yeah. Jay. Oh, boy. Are you nervous? Be careful of the dent. Don't hurt him. I don't think he can hurt the dent. I'm very gentle. Can I try a little bit? Come on. All right. Wow. I feel like I have hair all over me. Jay, you don't look bad. He looks kind of good. I would tell you. You know what? He looks kind of handsome. He's kind of like got a little bit of a. It's like a tough guy thing. Yeah. Well, I think that you have a little bit of. He looks like a stylist. Yeah, he does. I don't know why. I think he's got a little bit of Bruce Willis going on. Yeah, there you go. He looks good. Kim, it's not bad.
I really, I don't think it's bad. Hair all over me. I was really worried. It's different. Hey, Woods, can I sleep on your couch? Oh, gosh, look at that. Wow. Does Jasper know? Jasper, nobody knows. Jasper? He looks good. Dad, what'd you do? I think it was a good look for him. I'm saying it might be. Wow. Save on hair care products. Yes. You're so calm right now, Jay. I'm amazed. That's because I can't see what's going on. Jay uses clay in his hair anyway. Yeah. He's not going to save much money. Mike, you look like you've done this quite a few times. Well, I had to do it to myself when I first did it. Yeah. Mikey is, he knows what he's doing. He's gently pulling the ear back. This is not something I ever thought would happen with Mikey cutting my hair. I know. Oddly enough, I did picture this happening at some point. You kind of pictured like more. I just thought it was going to happen in a home. Yeah. You know, I was going to come visit you and I'd be like.
I'd be like, Jay, I'm Mikey. Remember me? I was here yesterday. Remember me? Just want to let you know soup is coming. We've got soup coming. But if you could trim the hedges in the backyard, that'd be great. In the backyard. Stop upsetting me. Dude, I think you got it. I think we got it, right? That's good. Oh, yeah. That looks great. Wow. You guys are just being nice. Look at all that hair. Let's see. Let's hear it in the studio. Wait, let me help you. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Jay. That is weird. He looks good. Yeah, it doesn't look bad. I don't want it to fall all over you there. Now we've got to get a picture. We've got to get a picture. It doesn't look bad, no. If I were him, I'd... Listen, I'm just saying... You guys kind of missed a spot in the back. I would pick it, but that's up to you. Oh, my. I'm going to lean way back, so you don't get it on my ass. You see the spot? Jay is a trooper. Amazing. You are such a trooper. That's just hair in the end, isn't it? I would never do that. What does this do you? I wouldn't even cut it. Yeah. All right, fine. You guys can shave my head. Already done.
Wow. How about your eyebrows? No! Don't eyebrows not grow back, right? Yeah, they grow back. They do? Yeah, you're good. Oh, my gosh. Wow, Jay. Wait, we need to bring it. We need a reaction. A video camera with a reaction. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Does anyone have a mirror? A guy's going to have to go. Don't go yet. Just stay here because we have to take a break in just a couple of minutes anyway. So I'll videotape that. Don't go, Jay. Don't even try to look in the microwave for a reflection. And yeah, don't, Jay. Don't. Jay's having a rough day because then we have to do pronounce this. I know. Well, at eight o'clock, we're doing the debate with Woods and I. Oh, yeah. Woods has been like preparing. He probably has like bulleted points. That's what he said. He goes, I wrote down five things. Would you call it an argument? Of course. It's not an argument. This is an issue that Mike and Woods have been having for the last two weeks. Well, in my opinion, it's an issue that Woods has been having for two weeks. Woods has been having. It's a Woods issue. I don't have an issue. I think he has some valid points. So do you. Sure. I'm torn on it. Sure. I'm not really torn. Whose side? Who do you think? Oh, boy.
No. She's of course on your side. I'm not going to tell you either way. Look at Jay. My headphones don't really fit anymore. You've got to go like this. You've got to push them down. You and Mikey put your heads together and make an ass out of yourselves. We should take that picture. Come on, Mike. Bye. They get two brunettes on either side of you and make you look like an Oreo. You know what I mean? There's hair all over the studio. It's all over me. It's in my socks, I think. You're going to go back east and you're going to find Jay's hair in your mouth.
Yuck. So weird feeling. Our number here is 570-1949. Wow, that was awesome. That was pretty fun. That was so fun. Weird. Jay, if you like it, will you keep it or are you growing it back no matter what? I don't know. I mean, to me, it's so weird. I got to see it first. I have no idea. Yeah, well, we're going to tape you soon. When it grows in in about like a week or two, he might really like it. Yeah. I think that might be a little too short for Jay's comfort. Yeah. Let's see. M1, Steven from Carlsbad. What was the word of the day? Oreo. That's right. Oreo was the word of the day. You won a dinner for two at Pamplemousse on January 27th, and you will be in charge of paying for gratuity, which is a tip, and alcohol if you get alcohol, okay? Right on. We're also going to throw in a pair of tickets for you to see Interpol at Remac Arena on February 2nd. All right? All right. Sounds good. Yep. Hang on the line. Okay. Let's see. What can I give you before we go to break? More clowns, I guess, from last night. Creepy. Let's see. American Idol. Yeah, American Idol. I was like clowns?
Well, yeah, because right now is the bad auditions. Yeah, I know. You know, right now they're doing the bad auditions. You know I know that. Let's see. What's this one? What you singing, baby? I'll do Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Okay. Now, they're not all bad. Sometimes they throw good ones. He sounds like he's going to be good. Yeah. Over the rainbow. Way up high. Woods doesn't like it. He can sing to me anytime. Yeah. Woods doesn't like it when. People. I drag out the word. There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby. Like that. Someday I wish a pot star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me. Where troubles smell like lemon drops away above the chimney tops. That's where we'll find some... I would have gone... Okay, okay. Stop them. Yeah. Okay, okay. We got it. You think it was bad? We got it. I just said we got it. You think it's bad?
I think it was bad, but I've heard him. I would be like, I've definitely heard him. He'll make it through, I bet. I like the tone of his voice, but he didn't sound very polished. It's weird that you like the tone of his voice. All over my body. That's what I wanted to hear you say. Oh my goodness gracious. And it's cold in here already. So stop, so stop. Yeah, it's not cold. It was the warmth of his voice. We should not even comment. We should just go, yes or no. One, two, three. Yes! A little bit of an overreaction there. Overreaction. There's an overreaction. All right, so here's what we're going to do. I'm going to tape Jay. I'm going to tape Jay seeing his head for the first time. We're going to post it on Facebook page. Also, when we come back, Woods and I and the big debate. And we'll do some Woods on sports too. Don't go away. Make some noise in here.
Take something small. Take what you need and wait. Woods introduces me to a lot of stuff I never heard. I like it instantly. Dave Matthews and you and me. Try it, man. Try to keep you in the loop, you know? I like it. I want you guys to keep this friendship up. Yeah, we need to. This friendliness right now. Just remember the song and the introduction. It's called You and Me. Hey, man. You know, pedicure. Hey, man. I'm going to be fine. I don't have a problem. I don't either. I don't have an issue. I don't either. I'm worried it's going. It's not going to be. Oh, yeah. I'm worried you guys are going to get mad. I'm not going to get mad. He'll get mad. I'm not going to get mad. Okay. Well, we're all friends. Should we just do it now? And we all love each other. Let's just do it now. You want to do it now? Let's just go into it. While we're here and we're happy and I love you. While we're friends still? While we're friends. No, let's do sports. No. You want to do it? Yeah. Okay. All right. All right. Here we go. We'll get a dip in. Set it up, Mike.
And I'm nervous. No, don't be nervous. No, it's not. We're professionals. Are you? We're grown adults. This is a personal matter that we don't really discuss because we know it upsets Woods. And now we're discussing it on the air. Well, here's the deal. Woods said to me that if I get a Taylor guitar, he will be angry and upset. Now, Taylor guitars are like the best guitars, right? Yeah. Local factory here in town. They're great. We have one here in the studio that they gave 94.9. I use it when I do some bits and stuff, and I play it a lot when I'm in there. Now, a couple of years ago, I wanted to learn how to play guitar. And so my friend Ty from the band Third Day, he got me a Fender.
Now, what he did was he called Fender because that's one of his sponsors. And he said, send my buddy one of the inexpensive models. Learning guitar. Learning guitar. So they did. And I got my friend Russ of Russ and Rachel. From Central Perk. From Central Perk. Phoebe, Monica, Chandler. You guys done? Joey. We're done. Smelly guy. Stay on track. Russ is a musician, and he said, I'll teach you how to play guitar. And so I... What year is this? How long ago? Two years ago. So, 09. Probably 08. 09. Because it's just now 11. So it's probably around 08, 09. Okay. So a couple years back. Yeah. And I really loved it.
How many times did he teach you, would you say? A ton. Like, more than a dozen? Yeah. I would say probably a dozen. Probably 12. So 12 lessons. 12 lessons. About an hour each? Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah. And then we got pregnant with the twins. We? We? Or Rebecca? Rebecca. Rebecca got pregnant with the twins, and I gave it up. Well, there's a lot going on in your house. There's a lot going on in the house. And also, my son Jake, he sort of took over the Fender. And he's, you know, beating it up. He's beating it up really bad. Now, when I was learning on the Fender, I said to Russ, I said, I like this guitar, but I really love your guitar. What kind of guitar do you have? And he says, like, it's custom made, blah, blah, blah. And I said, well, what's a good guitar? And he said, Taylor or Martin? He said, those are the two. That's it. That's it. Yeah. He goes, you want a good guitar, Taylor or Martin? And he said, and Taylor's good because they're a local company. Yeah. And I was like, OK, cool. So I went down to Guitar Center and he met me there. And we went into both rooms because they have a Taylor room and they have a Martin room. Wow. Fancy. That's cool. And I played them both. And the truth is, I liked them both.
I mean, it wasn't like I favored one over the other. Did you tell a difference? No, he could. This is still about two years ago. Yeah. Oh, boy. I was asking. I know where he's going. No, you don't. I do, too, but it won't matter. It's okay. We're grown adults. And so now the kids are getting older, the twins are growing up, and you want to pick that habit up again. I've heard you say that. No less than a dozen times since we've been working together. Yeah. It's a hobby. I want to learn that guitar again. Man, I got to pick up a guitar again. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Wood said that if I get a tailor, he thinks I'm a jerk. And he thinks that that's wrong. Now, why? Okay. Mikey is my friend. And I love Mikey. Mikey, he's a big brother. Yeah. He's a boss. He's a mentor. Yeah. But we can all agree, Mikey included, that Mikey sometimes will see something and be like, oh, I'm in. I want to do it. I want to do it. OK. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I've been playing guitar for, what am I, 35? I've been playing guitar for about 25 years. I'm not that great, but I.
Love it. I play it in here probably too much. You're good at it. I play it at weddings and stuff like that, too. I played at weddings. I was in a band in Dallas. In fact, you want to gig. I want to gig. You want to start gigging. And one thing I've said is, when I play that guitar in here, I go, I sound better. It feels better, and I feel more confident with it because it sounds good. I've got four guitars. I've got an Ibanez. I've got a Fender Strat American-made electric guitar. I've got a Takamini acoustic, which is broken. And I've got this old beat-up acoustic that I found. I haven't done anything with it. That's going to be on the wall because it looks cool. But no Taylor. Right. I can't really afford a Taylor. The one I want, really most of them are in the two grand range. That's a lot of dough for a guitar. It is. Sure. L.O.B., your boyfriend, Matt, is a professional musician. He just got his first Taylor. Yes. Well, he had a Martin before. He had a Martin before. Taylor's better than Martin. It just is. They're better guitars, and they sound better, and they're just so full, and they're so well-made. Mikey and I went to the Taylor factory, and we saw it. Taylor factory? Yeah, I went to the Taylor factory here and saw how they make them. Garrett had a friend. Garrett! Garrett had a friend. Our program director had a friend that worked at the Taylor factory.
So they gave us a tour. Oh, cool. So here's my beef. It's a beef of jealousy. It's a beef of like. He can get it. You can't. Well, A, he can get it. I can't. B, I'm like, you don't need a tailor yet. A tailor is kind of something you work to. Once you've achieved the skill, then it's like your way of rewarding. It's like your kid coming to you and go, Dad, teach me how to drive. And you're like. There's the Ferrari. It's truly. That is a very good. You don't start your kid on a Ferrari. I don't necessarily agree, though. Can I interject? Sure. Because I'm going to be getting a baby Taylor, maybe even a big baby Taylor. It's different. Those are $300. It's way different. But it's better to learn on a good guitar than a cheap guitar because you'll get frustrated if the action's too high or if it falls out of tune or something like that. It's actually better to learn on. a crappy guitar than to learn, and you work up to something. Like, I learned on this wide-handled nylon string classical guitar. And when I picked up my first acoustic, the neck was skinnier. I was like, ooh. So I was better. But it can be discouraging. But if you want to learn guitar, it's discouraging enough. It doesn't matter what kind of guitar you have. I have a question. Sure. So you're saying that it would, you know, you should.
Work up to a tailor. Like after you learn. Dude, I'm not saying never get one. No, no, no. I'm saying you don't need one to start. You're saying what you should do is learn on a starter guitar, and then once you're really good at it, then get a tailor. I wouldn't even say really good, but once you're proficient. Once you're proficient. That's what I am. I'm proficient. You're proficient. I'm not good. I'm not great. I think you're good. I'm okay. Okay, but what you're saying is that get good or proficient, then get a tailor. Yeah. Question, though. Sure. Is that what you would do? That's what I'm doing. Perfect. That's you. That's it. Fine. But my argument is, okay, so Mike's going to go out and spend two grand for a guitar. That's going to... I mean, let's call a spade a spade. It's probably going to sit in the corner. It probably will. It probably will. But then you'll end up using it. It's like, okay, in my garage right now, I have Mikey's. I think this is what gets Woods the most. This is what gets me. This is it right here. This doesn't have anything to do with me. Yes, it does. No, it does because he knows you. I know you. And it's frustrating for him. To know it's over there. Because, yeah, okay, set it up better. Woods, you explain why it hurts you. In my garage, as we sit today.
are a set of professional grade Titleist irons that I borrowed from Mikey about two months ago. Golf clubs. Golf clubs. He wanted to learn golf. We did the lessons. We golfed one time. We've never gone back. And they were like the best golf clubs. They're the best you can get. We wanted to get in the water, in the ocean. I'm new. I was new to San Diego. I wanted to try surfing. You weren't nude. You had clothes. Yes. I was recently moved to San Diego. So we wanted to get in the water. We both got our butts kicked surfing. Yeah. Killed, right? So we were laughing. We were at Sports Authority, and we're like, let's just buy boogie boards, and we'll go to the thing. So we buy these boogie boards. They're $40 each, like $40, $50 each. We bought flippers there. Next day we go to the beach. Mikey shows up with this Ferrari of boogie boards that was like 50 times more than the boogie board that we bought together. Ferrari of boogie boards. And it's not like Jake can't use it. He knows what he's doing. Who does? Ferrari of boogie boards. It was a $300 boogie board. It was the nicest of boogie boards. And he went for the ultra flippers as well. Now, it's jealousy. It's envy. It's me saying, you don't need that. You don't need it. I have a question for you, Woods. So let's say that you're in a point in your life where you have disposable income. Okay?
Fantasyland. Fantasyland. Okay. Yeah. We're at Disneyland in the Fantasyland section. And now you have the opportunity. You can buy whatever you want, whatever kind of guitar you want. You're just learning. You're like, gosh, I'm going to buy a cheaper guitar. Or I have disposable income. I'm going to go ahead and buy the Ferrari. I think if I had disposable income, I would buy a good solid guitar, which Mike actually has two of because there's a PV sitting right there. That is a great guitar to learn on. Never been touched. I have to say. I have to say, if I have disposable income, I would always get the best. I'd go the top of the top. And that's understandable, but I see Woods' point because in his eyes, you're going to play with it a couple times and then it's going to sit there. But isn't that Mike's problem? That may be right. But here's the silver. It is Mike's problem. I may only play it once. Let's just put it out there. I may buy it. It might sit in the case. I may never take it out and play it. Can I give you my silver bullet now? Yeah. This is my silver bullet. When I moved to town, Mike and I are driving around. I was staying at his house for a couple weeks, and we're driving around where we live. It's a nice area. I saw a car drive by, and I go, dude, that's it for me. That is what I want. He goes, that's your dream car. And I go, yeah. He goes, it was a Range Rover. And it was a white Range Rover, decked out, pimped out, looked dynamite. And I go,
Someday. Someday I'm going to have that. A couple weeks go by. My friend Miguel and I are driving around again. And he goes, you know what, Woodsy? He goes, you know what, Woodsy? I'm thinking about getting a Range Rover. And I go. This is not the way it happened. That's exactly how it happened. And then he goes, I was looking at him. And then I changed my mind. Because, I don't know, dude. It would kind of feel like I'm sticking it to you. That is a. Mexican quote right there. Because I would feel like I'm sticking it to you. I've heard Mike say those words, but I want to hear Mike's side. I said, hey, we had just seen a Range Rover, and I go, I want to tell you something about the Range Rover, because I had this thought, and I thought it would be bad. I'll tell you the story. There's a couple in our neighborhood, got divorced. He went through midlife crisis, guy. He got a Range Rover. Sport. I saw it. I'd never seen one. And I went, oh my gosh, that's really nice. Yeah. So I went online, I looked them up and they're like, they're a techie car. Everything tech is this car. Wow. It plugs into all your iPods. It plugs into your iPhone. It does, it integrates everything. It does all this stuff. It's like your heaven. It's like my heaven. Yeah. And so I said to Rebecca, what do you think of this? And she goes, looks like you're going through a midlife crisis.
Maybe she should get your book about it. Yeah. Now, that was... Mad. Yes. A book called Midlife Crisis. Anyway, so that was last summer. And then Woods said his thing seven months later. And I was like, oh, no. So that was more than last summer. That was before we went on the air. Oh, yeah. It was before I had ever... So it was over a year ago. I was still with the old show. So it had been in the back of your mind. No, no, no. It was right up here in the front of my mind. But Woods said it out loud first. Yeah. And he said, I would get one, but I would kind of feel like I'm sticking it to you. That's exactly what you said. Which is really nice of you, Mike. Yeah. You didn't think that way. And this is how I feel with the tailor. He's sticking it to me. Can I say this? So now I feel like perhaps I should have Woods. Write down all the things that he would be jealous about. That way I know what products I'm able to shop for. And that's a fair point that Mike just made because that sounds realistic to the way you're acting. That sounds fair. You know the cool thing about getting the Taylor guitar, the top of the line guitar too, Mikey, is even if you do play it once or twice, you're going to be able to pass that guitar off to your son and they'll pass it off to their sons.
Absolutely. You can pass that one or any of the other guitars that you have in your arsenal that you don't play. Any one of those will probably work. Well, I have two that I don't play, so that would mean three that I don't play. Yeah, so those three, you got three kids? Perfect. Even if he just collects guitars? Which he doesn't because he doesn't play. Even if he does and he wants to hang them on the wall, that's an art. The point is that... Woods, I love you. But you are applying selective reasoning. You say to people, keep your eyes on your own paper. You worry about what you do. Then don't tell me what you buy. It's kind of like rubbing it in. It kind of is like rubbing it in. Like, I'm going to get a tailor. Feast on that. Which he's kind of done. Hang on. When I mentioned the tailor and he did his thing, it took me by surprise. It did. I can vouch for that. Weird. Because it took me by surprise, I experienced, I thought to myself, oh, man, I can't get a tailor. Well, of course you can. No, no, wait, wait, wait. Of course you can. I thought, oh, no, I can't get a tailor. And then I got sad. Oh, what is anger? Mike, you can get whatever you like, but I'm going to be like. And when I got sad, I guess it manifested itself. Into anger. Into anger. Bro, because I thought to myself.
Happy birthday, pal. Maybe we just make a list of all of the things. You know what? Maybe, maybe I go out and I get some sort of, you know, jacuzzi. And he's like, really, pal? Really? Going to get a jacuzzi? I'm not a jacuzzi artist. I'm not a jacuzzi master. I know. I know. Aren't you? Am I? I mean, I don't know. I don't know the things. Yes, you do. A Range Rover and a Taylor guitar. And that's it. That's it. That's all. Woods has his things, just like anyone that he loves, and guitar is one of his passions more than it is Mike's. It's like me going to get, I don't know, the... the first Old Testament ever written and being like, look what I got. Dude, if you, dude, if you got the first Old Testament ever written, I got the cross that Jesus was crucified on in my backyard. If you had the first Old Testament ever written, this would be me. Dude, let me look at that thing. Can I look at that thing? This wouldn't be me.
That's not what I'm doing. That's not what I'm doing. I'm just saying that... But those are things that money can't buy. Can't they? I'm just saying that... If it were available. It's mine, you understand? Mine! Get back there! I'm saying that your wife... Mine, mine, mine! Your wife's probably on Team Woods on this one. Because you don't need to spend that much money for a guitar that you're not going to play. You just don't. She would be on Team Woods in that. she would say, really, more money for something that you're not going to do? Right. What she wouldn't be on Team Woods with is envy and jealousy. That she would be like. I am who I am, my friend. I know, but I mean, listen. I mean, she would be like, and it's a different reality. I'm telling you, it's a different reality. It's always been a different reality. I've never been the guy. I've been the guy that's like, you got that? Can I see? I want to see. Can I touch it? Can I feel it? Because honestly, I've always felt like I don't deserve things. Really, honestly. I feel like I don't deserve things because of my mindset. Right. When I have something, I'm like, I don't deserve it. I'll tell you what. I don't deserve it. I'll go with you.
To the thing, we'll pick you out of Taylor, and I'll jam with you. And I'll even help you. You know that. But no, I'm going to be like, damn, I want that guitar. Well, that'll distract you. I know it's going to sit. What if I got a Martin? Fine. I think a Martin, I think, would be better in what's his eyes than a Taylor. He wants a Taylor more than anything. Listen, I know guitars, and I know how to play. And I was telling Mike when we talked. I go, bro, my first reaction was not, eh, eh. My first reaction was, Dude, you don't need that much guitar yet. It's too much guitar for you. It's too much guitar. And my reaction to that is, oh, I appreciate your input. But F you and I'm going to get it because I can. That's your reaction. He wants it and he can get it. Because I want it and I'm going to get it. No, that's the same thing. Mike is retarded. Wait a minute. I like Lauren's thing a little while ago. The kid. doesn't like to be told what to do. Right. I was giving you advice. I'm not telling you what to do. I just said, you don't need that much guitar. And you don't. And anybody that knows guitar will know that. Somebody has a solution once. Okay. M1, we're grown adults.
I don't have access to funny little sound effects on my side, though. That's the difference. I don't have funny little stuff. I don't have funny little stuff. It's mine. You understand? Mine. I don't have that over here. Where's mine? I don't have it. You ever manipulate a conversation you're with? Where's my funny sound effects? I don't have any. M1 Scott. Everyone, we are friends in this room. We are. We have each other. M1 Scott from Temecula. All right. Woodsy, you're going to be giddy because I've got a solution which you're going to love. Dynamite. You guys go out, pick it out together. Yes. Get it, okay? Eight months from now, if he isn't playing that guitar, Christmas rolls around, it automatically gets wrapped up. Whoa. Pretty little red ball on it. That's a nice present. I wouldn't take it, man. Listen, Mike's a generous, generous dude, and he is my friend, and I am just, I'm also hurt, sad, and fearful because I... I'm jealous. Want one? Yeah. And I'll admit it. I'll admit it. I've admitted it. To your defense. I will admit it. To your defense. You're right. I do start some things that I don't finish. We all do. And you, you on the other hand. I do. I absolutely do. But here's the deal. I'm not going to go higher.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is my personal trainer. That's the difference in you and I. You're going to order P90X through the mail. I'll order P90X and never do it. But my wife does it. If you got Arnold Schwarzenegger to be your personal trainer, do you think I would go, oh, man, that's messed up. No, but that's not something that you're passionate about, Mike. Exactly. If you were getting the nicest, the Range Rover, I think, is better for Mike to get than the Taylor. He was like, When he said it, that's how I felt again. Because he's like, I feel like I'd be sticking it to you if I got it. Because I know it's your dream car. You shouldn't have said that. Can I be honest? Yes, of course. It was more like, I didn't want him to think I was copying him. Yeah. And I also didn't want... With the Range Rover? With the Range Rover. And I also didn't want to be like... Even ask Rebecca. That's so dorky. But with Taylor, you're like, where do I draw the line? Because I did already say it. I did already want it. And it's not as big of a showy purchase as a car. Honestly, Mike, you're a car person. You can get the Range Rover. And I think Woods will be more forgiving. Because I'm not a car guy. He's not a car guy. I'm a guitar guy.
But he is a guitar guy. And then you're getting what he wants way more than the Range Rover. I don't want to hurt my friend. And I don't want to hurt my friend. So I'll get a mandolin. It'll fit better than your hands. It'll look like a real guitar. That's right. It'll look like it fits. All right. We'll be back. Check out Guitar George. He knows all the cards. Oh, a little docking. Oh, yeah. Hey, if you go to our Facebook page, you can now see the video of... Woodsy shaving Jay's head. And you're also going to see a new photo of the Mikey show. And it actually looks like a portrait. It's exactly what Jared does at portraitprince.net. So go check it out. Woodsy just told me that if he gets a tailor, then I can get a tailor. Yeah, I'd be fine with it. I'm a D. Listen, I'm coming off like a giant.
pee, whining, crying little baby. Fair enough. The shoe fits. Maybe Taylor's listening. Maybe. Listen, man. No, I'm talking about that girl you interviewed at Christmas time. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Go for her. Maybe Taylor, the company, is listening. Would love it. And they'll let us use one in the studio because we've got to give the Taylor that we have in the studio back to... 94.9. FM 94.9. The guys over there. Yeah. Yeah, they have bands come in. Great endorsements for you guys. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? I would endorse the crap out of Taylor Guitars, man. So maybe Taylor Guitar listens and they set us both up with a Taylor Guitar. How about that? I would marry you. And Lauren. Yeah. And Jay and Sienna. I got a guy. You got a guy? His name's Matt Commerce. We know that. It's your boyfriend, Matt Commerce. I want to know what Matt thinks about this whole thing. Because he's a musician. He would say, go for it. If you can afford it. Listen, I get it. Somebody wrote something that changed my mind a little bit. Listen, the guy's worked hard. If he wants to buy 50 guitars and light them on fire, that's his bit. He can do that. And I said, okay, you're right. You're right. There's a bit that Seinfeld does where he says...
When you're in first class, they have to have the little curtain and it makes the noise. And they say that the stewardess almost, sorry, flight attendant looks back at everybody and is like, maybe if you would have worked a little harder, I wouldn't have to do this. But it's like when people have things, I have to work on jealousy. When people have things that I want and I can't get it, I'm like, I'll just have to work until I can get it. What would break my heart is to know. Like the golf clubs, like the boogie board that, you know, we haven't been out in the water together in months. And, you know, it would break my heart to know that it's sitting over there not being loved and played like it was meant to be loved and played. But you can play with it when you go to Mike's house, which is like every other day. He could play that guitar more than just when he came over to my house. You'd let him borrow it? He could use it whenever he wanted to. I want to borrow stuff. Listen, here's the deal. I don't like that bit. I like the borrow bit. If Woods had, if Woods, my dream car, okay, is the Audi R8. Oh, yeah. Love that. That's my dream car. I'm financing one this afternoon. It doesn't matter. I got a guy. He's going to cook me up. If Woods was financing. I pull up Monday. If Woods was financing an Audi R8 and he pulled up a Monday in an R8, my inclination would be, dude, can I please drive that thing? I'm a jerk. I'm sorry. Can I drive that thing? I'm sorry. You wouldn't in your mind at all Mike be like, oh, that was my car.
What if I had never been like, you know me, I'm not a car guy. You're not a guitar guy. I know that. There wouldn't be one shred of you being like, that little son of a B went and bought himself an RA, which he knows is my dream. He would go home and be like, how can I make it work for me? Right. No, no, no. I'll tell you what would get me. Is if somebody had this like an agenda or an intention. Like if I said. I like the Audi R8. And you could care less about an Audi R8. Which is true. But you wanted to like... Stick it to you. Copy me. Stick it to you. Yeah, or stick it to me. Get under your skin. Yeah, now you know me. You know me. I'm the type of guy that I really like to hurt and stick it to people. That's my deal. But you're also the type of guy that you see something or you hear something and you're easily influenced. Yeah, but do you think that I was influenced by you? With the Taylor guitar? Yeah. Possibly. No. Well, I wasn't. I'm telling you the truth of it. I believe that. Okay, well. I'm telling you a truthful fact. What I know. It was Russ and Rachel. I bet he was there, too. Yeah, I mean, okay, you're right. I'm not even bringing it up. Yeah, Russ said that that was the kind of guitar. You're right, I'm wrong, as usual. It's fine. Let's go. Move on. No, no. What's on sports? Uh-oh. Here we go. We may have passed that point in no return. I can't do this, though. What? It's also not in my constitution to do something knowingly that's going to hurt somebody. It won't hurt me. It won't hurt me. It'll make me work harder so that I can get one.
Good point. Maybe Taylor's listening. I need to do something for Woods. Or he'll murder me. Hook the kid up. Hook the kid up, please. Hey, I'll play the crap out of that thing. You know that. Yeah. Let's see. Here's what we have to do still. We have to do Jay pronounce this. Let's do it. Yeah, I want to do Jay. Let's do it. Can we do it now? We need to do sports. Okay. You want to do sports? It's, you know, playoff weekend. We got it. We have a lot going on. We have to. I'm all frazzled. This one could. It's going to get your mind off the bat. Oh, it should go smoothly. Get your adrenaline going. Come on. Oh, it's going. Woods on Sports is brought to you by Frank's Red Hot. Well, it is playoff weekend in the NFL. It's the conference championships. I have told you earlier in case you missed it. At 12 p.m. Pacific, it is the Green Bay Packers taking on. The Chicago Bears at Soldier Field. And the 3-30 game is the New York Jets at the Pittsburgh Steelers. Going to be great, great matchups. Can we hear Fireman Ed one more time? Fireman Ed is a Jets fan that is very confident that they are going to win this game. What do you think, Fireman Ed? We're going to walk over the George Washington Bridge with a piece of steel in our hands. We're going to march over because we're bringing it home.
That may be the greatest piece of audio I've ever heard. I don't want that to go away. I think we should keep it. Where was he? What was he doing? They were actually at a Jets rally in Times Square. Oh. Yeah. With a piece of steel. I love it. NASCAR champ Tony Stewart is a little embarrassed. He got in the scuffle. He was over in Australia, and he was on vacation. And I guess, you know, when you're on vacation, he's like, maybe I'll hit a track and do some laps while I'm over here. See how these Aussies do it down under. Well, Tony Stewart, who's kind of a notorious hothead anyway, gets in a scrap with the owner of the track. And it's a dust-up. It's a scuffle. Do we know what it was about? We don't know what it's about. They're not saying what it's about. But here he is talking about how he had to go to the police station. Cut to. There was an altercation at the racetrack. It was a dispute between myself and one of the owners of the facility. But as it also reported, we went down to the police station. We gave him a statement. Yeah, the statement that they made, actually, I did a lot of digging, and I found the statement that they made to the Australian police. Good day, mate. Let's put another rimp on my ball, baby. It's an interesting statement to make, I think. But you know what it is? Yes, it is. Also, the new head of the Metropolitan Sports Facilities Commission in Minneapolis has said that it could take five to six months.
to rebuild the Metrodome, as you guys may or may not remember. A lot of snow fell on the Metrodome, collapsed the roof. We actually saw a video of it at the time. They're saying it's going to be five to six months until that is rebuilt. Because it can't put the same thing up. They have to build something completely different. They have to engineer something completely different. We'll look forward to that here in San Diego. Also, there is a quarterback. He plays for the University of Michigan. He is now, I guess, under Brady Hoke. His name is Tate Forcier. He lost his starting job to Robinson, who came in and had a decent first half of the year and then not so good second half. Well... Tate Fournier is being a big, giant baby like one Steve Woods. He has taken to Twitter to say, quote, I've been kicked, pushed, knocked down, publicly berated, belittled, emasculated, and more. I really wanted to stay. I was not giving up on Michigan, but in the end, it was made clear they'd given up on me. Brady Hoax had a rough go of it.
since he moved up to Ann Arbor. He's lost a few key recruits. Now he's got guys from his own team transferring. I feel bad for him because it's not his fault. He got a job. Yeah, yeah, he got the job. And he actually brought a couple of guys that he had promised scholarships to here at San Diego State, took them up there. So those guys thought they were going to come kicking on the beach. They're going to be in Ann Arbor. Yeah, so he's taking a couple guys. Really? Yeah, absolutely. Sorry. And then finally, Tom Brady had a trip. I know, it's insane. that's a trip that he saw these guys, they were going to play for state, and he's like, well, how about you play for Michigan instead? Yeah, a lot of times in college, though, they decide, it's not even a lot of times the university, it's the coach. Right. You know, you play for the coach. You won a championship. Yeah. Wow. Playing the big game. Yeah, and they want to, you know, they're like, hey, you were going to go to state, now you can come play at Michigan? Absolutely. And they still want to play for Brady Oak, so they did. But he's losing guys as fast as he's bringing in guys that he recruited. That's incredible. It's incredible. Tom Brady also had surgery on his right foot on Thursday. I didn't know this. He had a stress fracture most of the year. So they put a screw into the navicular bone to try to prevent that stress fracture from becoming a full fracture. So he was playing on that. He said, hey, it didn't have anything to do with my performance. Tom Brady, you guys are a pretty tough dude. Played on that thing. Only missed one practice all season. He didn't break his hair.
All season long. Not one time. I bet he barely even broke a sweat. Yeah. That's what's on sports. Jay, are you ready? Really? Am I ever ready? It is time for us to play. Jay, pronounce this. Now, here's the deal with Jay. Jay says pre-nub. He says that you got to crawl up on the roof. Out in the desert. Desert. Someone might have Alzheimer's disease. Alzheimer's disease. Pampamoose. Makes more sense. Pampamoose. Pampamoose. And so we... Now, he may go four for four. Absolutely. We don't know. He may go four for four. Doesn't look good. We are going to hold up some phrases, and he will have to read them. Now, hopefully... Can you see him, Jay? You want me to push him to the window? I'll tell you what. Why don't you come in here, Jay? Come on in. Come on in. He's getting up there in a year. That's right. Hey, Baldy. Oh, man. He sure is. He sure is. What shaved his head today. All right, Jay, are you ready? The studio audience will see the phrases, too. They're written on pieces of paper. All you have to do, Jay, is read the word. Are you ready? All right, here we go. Wow. Mademoiselle? Mademoiselle is not too bad. Read the whole phrase. Read the whole phrase, though.
Mademoiselle? Yeah, mademoiselle. After you, mademoiselle. Very well. Very good. That's not right. He's saying mademoiselle. Mademoiselle. It's mademoiselle. Oh, moi. Mademoiselle. Oh, you're all wrong. What did he say? He said mademoiselle. Oh. It's mademoiselle. Mademoiselle. She's a debutante. But you have to say the whole phrase. You can't stare it down either. Mademoiselle is French. Read it as soon as you see it. The whole phrase. You ready? I'm ready. Here we go. It's in the foliage. That's one for me. Foliage. Foliage. Foliage. It's in the foliage. Brilliant. All right, Jay, you ready? I'm ready. You read it as soon as you see it. Here we go. Okay, here we go. Chest of drawers. Oh, he tried really hard. You tried. Hey, I'm going to try now. Very well done. You ready? Chest of drawers. He's two for three. Ladies and gentlemen, he's two for three. Here we go. Voluptuous girl. I knew it. Yes, yes, yes.
He added the M. There's no M. Voluptuous. There's no M. Just voluptuous. Voluptuous. He's voluptuous. Voluptuous. Well, the way I see who she is. Voluptuous. I think she's voluptuous. She's voluptuous. She's voluptuous. Mademoiselle. Great. You did great. You failed, but you did great. Well, we screwed up Mademoiselle. Yeah. Yeah. Mademoiselle. Mademoiselle. I think it's just Mademoiselle. Mademoiselle. Mademoiselle. Mademoiselle. Mademoiselle. I've never heard Mademoiselle. You've never heard that? Mademoiselle. Mademoiselle. Hey, Mademoiselle. Hey, I got a game for us. I got a game for us. Jasper. 570-1949 is our number. What prize do we have, Jay? We have... Is that I can't find the sheet? Oh, here it is. I have available a pair of tickets to the San Diego Safari Park. Okay. Are we good?
Oh, no! 570-1949. And all you have to do is tell us what that was. The song was being played backwards. You call us, 570-1949. Tell us what that song was. And the first person to correctly answer will win the prize. It's pretty easy. Let's see. Apparently, home sales have hit a 13-year low in the United States. Yes. 13-year low. Yep. That's basically the story. That's crazy. That's crazy, man. And, you know, eventually it has to hit the bottom and then start climbing back up again. This isn't even supposed to be the bottom. It's supposed to be like five more years or something. Yeah, this is a 13-year low over the last year, but there is some good news at the end of last year. There was a 12.8% rise in sales from November to December, which was the biggest one-month surge in 11 years. That's good. It's a good time to buy. Sasha Baron Cohen is slated to play Saddam Hussein. Oh, my God. Really? Why not? Push the envelope. He's going to be starring in, and he co-wrote The Dictator, which is scheduled for release May 2012. Uh-huh. And he will be playing... Probably be good. Saddam Hussein. He's good. Yeah. Let's see. M1 Marcella from Santee. What do you think the song was? Can you play it again? I cannot.
Okay. You know what? I don't have a guest then. Okay. M1, Harold from San Marcos. Who do you think it was? Can I tell you that? I think it was You Can Dance If You Won. That is the song. It's not necessarily the name of the song. Oh, come on. That's fine. I'll give it to you. It was Men Without Hats. Who knows that? Well, Men Without Hats was the band and Safety Dance is the song. Terrible. Very well done. Thank you. Very well done. Hang on the line. Love you, man. Love you. Jesse James, the motorcycle guy. Oh, this makes me mad. Ex-husband of Sandra Bullock. Yeah, because he cheated on her. He did. This should be a very trustworthy relationship. He is now engaged to the famous tattoo artist Kat Von D.
Better fit. Yeah, he announced yesterday after less than a year being divorced with Sandra that he will be marrying her. She should definitely trust him. He hasn't done anything to indicate that he might be not trustworthy. Oh, no. His divorce was finalized in June. They began dating he and Kat right after. Question. Question. What? Do you, if you're Jesse James, you start dating Kat Von D? you like each other, you're starting to date and stuff, do you have to convince her at any point that this will not happen to her? Or is that not even a discussion? To me, it would be the first discussion. Yeah? Yeah. And the second and the third and the fourth and the fifth. I would say, why would I believe? First of all, I wouldn't date somebody who just publicly was cheating on his wife with several people. See, that's what leads me to believe that maybe there was no discussion.
Like if she was willing to date a guy. Maybe they have an open relationship. Yeah, I was just going to say that. Maybe they have an open relationship. Yeah, if you're willing to date a guy that publicly cheated, you're going to know the odds are not in your favor that he won't do that to you. So I would think it's annoying of her if she's asking him all the time because it's like, look, that's what you signed up for. See, I disagree. It's a career move. I disagree because I think she's like, I won't be her. Yeah, that's her. He did that to her because she was off making movies. She's not his type. She wasn't his type. He never really loved her. But me, we have something. I'm different. I'm different. I would not think that way. Oh, yeah. I think that's exactly her mindset. And so there's no conversation. There's no like in just quiet time where they're just like, hey, you know, I know that it would probably never happen. But like. What happened? Like what? You know, and it kind of freaks me out. You know, I remember after they split up, I remember they were hanging out, you know, a lot. And no, Kat Von D and Jesse James. And they were just friends. We're just friends. And that could have been the time when he was like, hey, you bared a soul. And he was like, listen, that could have been the time when he was like, hey, listen, you know, I screwed up and I don't want to do that again. Could have been. Could have been.
Well, you know, guys, when they mess up, they always end up with somebody else. Well, yeah, you know, you're not a monk the rest of your life. He messed up a million times before Sandra Bullock, you know, and here's this golden girl that he got. And he was, you know, if you're not going to change for Sandra Bullock, who are you going to change for? Really? I think they have an open relationship. I think it's like a... That is so crazy, though. It's a power move. That's a big old giant... They'll both become more relevant by having gotten engaged. L.O.B., you are... And deciding to believe that they've made an agreement that they can date whoever they want? I don't think that their marriage really counts as a real marriage. Oh, my God. I think it's like a power move. It's like, eh. What would Sandra Bullock be? That was the power move. Kat Von D is like... Well, she has her own show, and she's actually very successful. Well, right. But, I mean, she ain't an Oscar winner. But so is he. People will now find... I had no idea she had a show. People will now find out that she has a show. You don't think they dig each other? He'll stay in the spotlight. I think they do. I see him together more than I see him and Sandra together. Yeah, I agree with that.
The big leap to marriage, I'm cynical. I think it's for their careers. I think a lot of Hollywood marriages are for their careers. I think that a lot of people mess up, you know. Sure. And there's always somebody to say, you know, I like you. You did that, you know, but you won't do it with me. And I think that's the mindset as well. And I think men are just as bad. I think men are just like you meet, you hear about a girl or you've known a girl in your social circle that's a lunatic, you know, and you're like, I can. I keep her tamed. I can keep her. She's not going to do the same stuff to me as she did to Bill. Well, and you meet her, and you guys have this dynamic, and you get it in your head. I got this one. I got it. Well, for the Hollywood types, too, marriage is disposable. It's just like, oh, yeah, married for six months? Whatever. Try this again. Unless you're Paul Newman, you know, pretty much. Married for 50 years. No one stays together. Not only that, but the person that they meet also gives them this impression of like, you know I got you. Yeah, I have your number figured out, and they're like, you do. You got me. You do have me figured out. Until the next girl comes along with tattoos. Right. Or what if he said to her, look, the reason I was cheating is because I wanted to be with someone more like you. Duh. There you go. It's probably, you know. What am I going to do, go back to someone like Sandra?
No, I never would. I'm not going to date Renee Zellweger, for God's sakes, all right? Anne Hathaway. Is she available at all? But if she's available, I'm saying I would. Yeah. I'm not ruling it out. I'm just saying I wouldn't. Say something about me? No. Is she talking about me? You got a note for her for me? Freckle yes or no? So we got, you remember that publicist that got shot? Yeah. Dude, apparently they solved the murder. And we'll tell you what the deal is next. Got an email we are going to read to you from a 19-year-old who has a question about his mom. Who his mom is bringing home. Oh, creepy. Next. It's in the tantrums. I'll do it.
Hey, I played this because I think you'll really like it. Yeah? I think you will. It's kind of up your alley. I like it. Yeah. If you go to Facebook.com slash Mikey Show, there is video of both Woods giving Jay the fryer haircut. That's great. And then the next video that you see, the top video there right now, is the video of Jay seeing his shaved head for the first time. Yeah, we're at work right now. Yeah. It's tough. This is what we do. This is tough. Just arguing about guitars, cutting hair real good. Yeah. Tough gig. Yeah. You ever just steal money from your company? I wish that he would bick it. I wish. No, no, no. You don't like the bick? No. I like it on you. Too much for him? I think it's too much for Jay. Is it? Maybe not. Hold on. I don't know. I mean, I'm. He's already there practically. Hold on now. I'm dumbfounded. I'm just like looking at myself going, wow.
I can't wait to hear what Kim thinks. His wife. You know what Jay kind of looks like? Oh, here it comes. Here it comes. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's brilliant. He looks like a seagull. He does. Jay looked like a seagull. He's just grabbing bread fries off the beach. He's just hanging out at schools, taking cheese bread. Mikey's backyard is eating apples real quick. I don't know why I look like a seagull. Look at that dent. I got a big dent. Oh, my gosh. He hit my golf ball. No, I actually cracked my skull. Oh, boy. An M1 is a Mikey show listener. You listen to The Mikey Show exclusively when you call in. Turn your radio down, get to the point, and don't cuss. That makes you an M1. I'm part of M1 Nation. The publicist that was killed shot, and it seemed very – it seemed kind of planned. Yeah, this was crazy. It was a couple months ago. She had a –
She was a publicist for a lot of the big stars, the guys from Slumdog Millionaire. In fact, she went to a red carpet event the evening she was shot. And when she left that event was where she got shot through her car when she was driving home. Someone shot at her car, killed her immediately. And everyone was like, what is this? I mean, reports came out that the stoplights were messed with. Starwhackers. Yeah. The cameras on the stoplights were disabled. Yeah. And so everyone's like, this was a professional. Right. Well, they did. have one suspect like a week after they thought of him they went and confronted this man where on the spot he had a gun on him shot himself as the cops started talking to him right well they've they've officially matched all the stuff with the gun that he shot himself with and the bullet that killed her and it turns out it was in fact that guy after all the tests really yeah The Beverly Hills police chief announced yesterday that that man is the man that shot her. There is no conspiracy. Nothing else was involved. The facts are the facts is what he said. Okay. There's no conspiracy involved. Yeah, there is. Who's that guy? I know. Who's he? I know. Because they found him in a hotel. Yeah. Harold Martin Smith was his name, and he was the suspect who committed suicide right in front of the police. My guess is that dude was a hitman. Absolutely. You got hired. You got hired.
Yeah, but it's like, why this woman? She's like a 60-year-old woman. Maybe she knew something. She knew something. Maybe the Star Whackers got her. I'm telling you. I wonder how they tracked him. How'd they find him in the hotel? I know. I know. They don't release all that information. But he killed himself December 1st, which was about a few days after she died. And that police captain's saying, hey, it's done. It's done. It's over. Facts are the facts. I'm sorry. Facts are the facts. I'm sorry. Yeah, he actually said, I know a lot of people don't like to see it end like that. They'd rather have something more dramatic, but that's just the way it is. The facts are the facts was exactly what he said. Still don't know who that dude is. Isn't that dramatic? Yeah. I think it's dramatic. Yeah. And I wonder if that dude was sophisticated enough to disable those cameras or if that was somebody else. But, I mean, that's a professional thing. It doesn't sound random. It doesn't sound just like a random. I don't think people are going. to just let this one go because it's just too weird. She was very famous, and I watched the Golden Globes, and a couple of people when they came to get their award said, hey, this one's for Ronnie Chasen. She was a very well-known, very powerful woman in Hollywood, very powerful. I got an email that says, Mikey, I'm kind of interested in getting your opinion, and if it works in my favor, giving your opinion to my mom.
Basically, I'm 19 and my mom and dad split when I was 16. She didn't date anyone for a couple of years, but now she brings a bunch of losers to our house all the time. Wow. I hate it. And she says, if I don't like it, I can move out. What do you think? And please say she's in the wrong. M1 Trevor. Well, if this guy's 19. Oh, boy. Sayonara, pal. He's 19. He's living at home. You know, there's a technical term for that. It's called a grown-ass man. Yes. Okay? That's scientific. That's a scientific, technical. I think I've heard of that. It's in the journals. It's a clinical term. It was come up by the New England Journal of Medicine. That's right. It was Dr. Barbet? Dr. Barbet. And what was the term again? A grown-ass man. I'll remember that. Yeah, yeah. So if you ever meet a 19-year-old.
you'll know. You'll be like, oh, wait, Dr. Bombay. Barbay. Barbay. Barbay. Dr. Barbay. You know that. Says that that's a grown ass man. And it is, you know, you're 19. So, yeah. And your mom, I'm guessing, is over 18, which would make her a legal adult. You are a smelly pirate hooker. Okay, now listen. She very well may be. But, you know, she can do what she wants. Grown ass woman. Chris Bieber. Yeah! Mike immediately went, Woods. Woods, he looked at me. Woods J. I am secretly going to have someone teach me how to erase that. No way. I'll put it in there every day. It's my favorite drop. It's secret. Secret. He's got it labeled as something else. Now, he's wearing an orange shirt, Jay is. I look in there and it looks like there's a criminal in a jumpsuit. Yeah, exactly. It's true. Or a seagull. Or a seagull in a jumpsuit. Criminal seagull. He looks exactly like a seagull. Miguel, shouldn't this mom, though, have, I mean, you don't want to be whoring around when you let your son live with you. I mean, there's two sides, right? Or no, like if you don't like it, leave.
Is that your stance? Dude, you're an adult. I get it, but you may be having financial problems or whatever. Well, you know me, man. I always tell people that it's okay to let someone know how you feel. Yeah. I just don't think you can wipe it all over their face. Now, in that respect, honestly, that's the... I know... How Woods feels about that guitar, what I do next, determines what I do with that information. I want you to get the Taylor guitar. I do. I don't want to. Yes, you do, and I want you to. It ain't that big a deal. And honestly, that's my actual take. It's not that big a deal. When am I going to get it anyway? Right. I want to go with you. I want to help you. That sounds like a big deal. Oh, don't roll your eyes at me. Well, the only reason I'm rolling my eyes is because, Woods, it's just not that big a deal. It is to me. Mike wants a Taylor. Woods doesn't want Mike to get it because he wants Taylor. I know how he feels. And I know how you feel. What a special friend you are. That's right. Thank you. I want to go with you. If you get it without me, I'll be mad. I think he could tell his mom, Mom, I don't like that you're bringing home these men. And he's got to have a good reason. Like, why? What do you think that conversation is going to sound like? Hey, Mom, I don't like you bringing home these men. She's like, I don't care. I'll do whatever I want. She says, yeah.
If you don't like it, you don't have to live here. Beat it. He's probably not paying rent. He's probably eating grilled cheese sandwiches real good. On the house. On the house. Beat it. Real good. We don't know that. Even if I didn't live at home and I was 19 and my mom or my dad were dating all these people, I would still know and it would bother me. You know, you don't want to see him. Would you say something? Yes. Oh, I did. Yes. But see, you can't really. You don't have the... I don't care. That's my parent and I love them and I don't care. If it's hurting me, I'm the same thing. They make their own choices, though. It's their business, though. They're grown-ups. That's nice. But it's my mom, and I'm going to look out for her. So your mom can get in your business still? She can tell you what you can and can't do? No, I'm an adult. They do. All moms do. Yeah, my mom knows all. She gives me sage advice when I don't ask for it. All that. That's good. She gives you nice sage advice. Sage advice. She's a sage woman. I knew that was coming. Sage is my daughter's name. Oh, I see. What if your daughter's name was Wise? My mom gives me wise advice all the time. It drives me crazy. You're like, why wouldn't you want Wise and sage advice? You're a family. You can share what you think, and if something's bothering you, then you should be able to say it. I don't think he can tell his mom that she's doing something wrong or try to control her, but I think he should say, look, Mom, if it's the fact that it's numerous different guys and that's upsetting him, then that's one thing. But if it's just that she's dating, then get over it, buddy. I want to know what these quote-unquote losers are. You know, what constitutes? To a 19-year-old? Anybody over 32? He's probably like,
You know, doesn't have hair anymore. Right. Hey. Well. What? Yeah. Guy wears Hawaiian shirts. Yeah. Tommy Bahama. Tommy Bahama. He's a loser. Idiot. I don't wear Tommy Bahama. Yes, you do. I don't. You thought you were going to get away with it. I have one Tommy Bahama shirt. That I bought. Does it say Tommy Bahama on it? You probably heard a buddy say that he wanted to get it. Todd has a Tommy Bahama shirt in your defense. And it doesn't say Tommy Bahama on it. It's just a black, loose, nice shirt. And it looks sharp. Short sleeve, button down real good. Long sleeve, he rolls it. We were in Hawaii, Rebecca and I. And we were going to a luau. Write it down. Somebody write it down. LLB's not here. So we were going to a luat. And I didn't have a stupid Hawaiian shirt. And you wanted to be in the moment, didn't you? You wanted to be all the way in. Went in Rome. So we went down. That's so great. Is this before or after you made the cologne at the cologne stand? This was years ago. So we went to the Tommy Bahamas store.
Okay. And I even tried on white linen pants. Oh, my God. But they were too tight. It's funny because he's fat. You got to remind me to wear my white pants in here on a Friday. You have white pants? Linen? No, they're not linen. They are slick. Slick. That worries me. So I got this Tommy Bahama shirt. What does it look like? Just grab it. It's white. So there's no palm trees? No. Flowers? No. It's like you have to look really closely because it's like part of the embroidery, so you can't see it. You have to look at it real close. Is there a big state of Hawaii on the back? No. On the left breast, is there a little label that says Tommy Bahama in cursive? That was the most humiliating thing because – and Sienna remembers. Ashley, on our old show, I had one shirt. And she was like, Tommy Bahama, Mike. And I was like, where Tommy Bahama is? Well, you know how we do. There's one little crease. We're like, ah!
She took that and ran with it. And then before you know it, everybody's like, hey, Mike, saw a Tommy Bahama sale the other day. Well, yeah, and there's probably listeners that thought they were trying to help you. And they're like, hey, bro, I know a guy that can get like real Tommy. And I'm like, I don't. I come in with like a new. I was in Hawaii. I was in Hawaii. It was like I was on a break screen, but I was in Hawaii. I'd wear like a t-shirt and she'd be like, is that a new Tommy Bahama you got? Amazing. Amazing. That's nice. Well, it's nice to see some things haven't changed from the old show to the new. I thought, you know, I was there for a little bit. I'll just bring that one with me. Just pack it up, put it in my pocket. Tommy Bahama. Tommy Bahama. Thank you, Jenny. Bring some of those out. Humiliating. Yeah, when there's the right time, you can do it. Easy, TB. You know what? Maybe you inscribe that on the back of your new Taylor guitar. TB. Real good. You can be TB and he can be Woods' PJ because he wears his poop jeans every day. Are you wearing them? He wears them every day. You know that. Pooped in his pants a week ago and wore two weeks ago. Two weeks ago. For the record, the girls in the studio just made this face.
Almost again this morning, by the way. Almost again thought that possibly it went down. He told me that when he got here. I'm like, really? What's with the Fridays? Are you nervous about the live audience? Maybe buy some pampers. I don't need pampers. Maybe wear underwear. No. I like to go be commando. I don't need pampers. Don't you? I mean, by definition. I think that's exactly what that means. By definition, you've done it before. I have. Jay's done it before. My husband's done it before. Hey, man. Sometimes you trust something that you shouldn't trust. I unbuckled my pants all the way on the drive-in today. Fully. To check, to see. Yeah. Fully. Driving. Don't you just know so much about Woods and it's like, I wish I didn't know that much? Driving. Yeah. It's a hazard. What do you mean driving? I was driving into work and the same. Did you pull over on the side of the road? No. You pulled your pants off while you were driving? Yes. Could have been arrested as a sex offender. Yeah. Had I been pulled over, I would have been like this. Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah. If the shoe fits, I guess. Driving never to sit in your driving seat. Yeah, gross.
Can you drive me home? No. No, I can't. I will not. Leave your car and take a cab. Come and leave. Drive me home. Yeah, it's all right. Some kind of animal. Put a towel down. Put a towel down. Maybe don't test it. Maybe don't try. Just don't go there. Don't go there. Well, oh boy. Talk to the hand. Talk to the hand. Well, you know, it's something that you do several times a day as a man. You know, sometimes you have to do that. You just think, hey, I can throw this one by the goalie piece of cake. Sometimes the goalie gets you. Russian roulette. It is. It's Russian roulette. Hang on a minute. You know the microphone's on, right? Hang on. Most of the time, we're not sneaking one by the goalie. Most of the time, we know exactly what the puck's made out of. Yes, we do. And sometimes the puck wasn't frozen overnight. That's the deal. How do you know that the puck should have been frozen overnight? Yeah, I know. Sometimes it's not. Well, Woods has been, you know, trying to eat healthier. I think it's a chicken, you guys. You eat grilled chicken every day. Like every night. And I'm like, you know. And chicken salad. Chicken salad. Just chicken. That's all I eat. Eat my chicken. All right. I'm about to vomit. I know. That's a throw up. We can go get you a new shirt if you do. Maybe Tommy Mahama or something. Stop. AITB, are we going to break now?
I don't really like telling the poop stories when we have a live audience. It's not really fun to me. Everyone's not even making eye contact with you. I can't look at woods. It's old, disgusting babies. He washed his jeans. Don't worry. Ew. Can we tell the story about the website? I cleared it with the boss, and yes, we are okay. Next.
Movies that are coming out this weekend in just a minute. Woods and the Misses. They have differing opinions. I want to get your opinion. People here in the studio. You can call in. You can do whatever you want. And I'm not sure. I'm going to hear it. I'm going to hear it again. And then I'm going to kind of decide. But Woods, what's going on? Well, as some of you know, maybe you don't, my wife and I are adopting a little boy from Colorado. He'll be here. Not even born yet. He's a newborn. He's a newborn. He is not even born yet. His name is Connor Patrick Woods, and he should be here around the beginning of March. And we're very excited. It's our first kid. Probably going to be our only kid. And we're just really excited. My wife is a little more excited than I.
evidenced by this idea that she has, that she wants to do, that I was mortified by. And it is? She wants to have a website. Now, to be clear, Facebook? No, no, not a Facebook page for Connor. MySpace. No, not a MySpace page. His own Twitter account. No, no, she's not going to tweet through him. Like a Shutterfly thing? Nope. What do you mean? www.connorpatrickwoods.com or .net or .org or .ca or .whatever. Connor Patrick Woods. Much like Kelly Slater has his own website, my son would have his own. Now, she can give that website to her buddies. Sure. My wife and Sienna and Lauren and her buddies back home. Sure. Who won't be able to be here all the time. Right. They are in Dallas. And they can keep up with what's going on with Conor, and they can see pictures of Conor. That's her argument. Okay. You're on board? Well, I don't see anything wrong yet, but you may convince me otherwise. I think it's a little over the top. I think it's a little.
I think it's a little nutty. Could I use the word nutty? Is it a little nutty? Not nutty. It's nutty. It's a little nutty. I'm looking at the faces. Nutty? Yeah, people. There are some people that think it's nutty. There are some people that do not think it's nutty. She is a little nutty. Excited. Oh, I know. I am too. Very excited. Hang on. I have one girl that I can definitely see on her face, nutty. And there's another girl I see on her face, not nutty at all. She, in fact, wave your head. No, nothing wrong with that. Not nutty? Okay. Let me have both girls get up. Come over to the microphone. And I want to hear... You can come over here. Yeah, you can come over here because we have an extra mic. First, I want to... What's your name? Right into the microphone. You've got to be this far from the mic. Kim. Kim. All right, so Kim's going to start and she does not think it's nutty. Correct. Okay, how come? It's like a blog. Everybody does it. I've seen tons of blogs where parents post pictures. Just a blog? Yeah. Okay. Girl that thinks it's nutty, what's your name? Fiona. Okay, Fiona, why... When does your baby do? May. She's pregnant. Okay, now why is it nutty? Well, I think if Mrs. Woods wants to put pictures up of the sun, she can do it through her own website. But she doesn't have one. Like a Facebook. She's got a Facebook, though. I have a Facebook. Yeah. Okay, can I offer this? Sure. If she does it on Facebook, it has to look like Facebook. It's got to be the Facebook template. It's got to be the Facebook everything. Yeah.
There's no creativity to it. Whereas if she called Jared, she could go, hey, could you throw something together for me in 10 minutes? It would look dynamite and pretty awesome. It's a little weird mom-ish. I think it's a little mom that wants everybody to know. about their kid like who is my kid that he needs his own website that's my thing i don't i don't i'm not a flashy guy i don't want to be flashy well there's really not a kid that would you know so you're not gonna that can't be the argument because you're not gonna be like well wait a minute it's not like this is prince william because even prince william's kid isn't like at a level where you're like PrinceWilliam.net. That would make more sense to me than ConnorPatrickWoods.com. So how long do you keep this site? When do they turn 18, do you still have it? Or a 13-year-old with his own website? Listen, we're going to have a kid. We're not the first people in the world to ever have a kid. It's a big deal, and we're stoked, but it's like...
We don't need a website with videos. Who cares but us and our family? Her friends and family and your friends and family, most of them are still in Dallas. All on Facebook. Every one of them. It doesn't matter. Every one of them. Your grandparents. My nanny is on Facebook. Yeah. I'll show you. Wait, wait, wait. But I know, well, I don't know for sure, but I bet that the reason that she would like to do it the way that she'd like to do it is so that it doesn't have to look like Facebook. And she can do whatever she wants. She's at work right now. I wish she could call in, but I told her we'd be talking about it. She first said no, and I broke her down enough to where she'd let me, which tells me something right there. So there's going to be yearly costs. If she was proud. She didn't want to have you fillet her. Well, I'm not filleting her. I love her. Not only do I agree with Jamie, but now I want one. Let me ask you a question. Has anybody on this show ever agreed with me about any effing thing about any time ever? Ever in a year? Yes. In a year. I agreed and said that I see your point in the Taylor guitar argument. Did you? Yes.
You know what I mean? I can. I can make it myself. What if Rebecca wanted to do EsparzaBoys.net? Would you be like, dear, that's ridiculous. No. EsparzaBoys.net. There's no way. No. Meandjasper.com. I mean, come on. Who are we? I like that. Sienna. Sienna. What? Say it again. EsparzaBoys.net. But that's not something you're charging. Who do you think you are, Mike? Who do you think you are? Like, if I did that, I would feel like people would be like, oh, wow. It would make more sense. Look who has a website. It's a girl thing, I think. Because, okay, I know that when I sent my Christmas card this last year, it was the first time having a family that I could do that. It's like a Christmas card every day. It's different. It's like a Christmas card every day. If she did it for the family, thewoodsfamily.org or .net, then I could understand it. But just for one person? We'd bag on that, too. We'd bag on that. Can you imagine the filleting I would take for woodsfamily.com? I mean, come on. Who are we? This is what would happen. Woods would go. Sienna included would bag on us. Woods would go like this. He'd go, yeah, me and Jamie are going to have dinner at blah, blah, blah tonight.
And I'd be like, oh, I read on woodsfamily.net that you guys were going to. And he'd be like, really? Yeah, let me. I'll break it down for you, Sienna. And I'd go, we would be sitting in a meeting. And I would go, hey, I got to run. And you're like, why? I'm like, well, we're meeting with Jared. For what? What are you doing? And I'd go, oh, we're starting a family website. Here's what I would hear. What? Are you kidding me? Who are you? That's exactly what I would hear. You would go like this. You would go. Hey, can we hurry because I want to get to the gym? And I'd be like, no, you don't. I already read on woodsfamily.net on your calendar. Every day. Every day of my life. So that's the thing is I'm like. Hey, Woods, have you put your predictions for the playoffs on woodsfamily.net yet? Exactly. Oh, it would be the worst. Every single thing. I'd be like, hey, Woods, I was wondering how you feel about cinnamon toast. Don't tell me. I'll go on woodsfamily.net and I'll find out. I know. I know, and that's my whole argument. Well, maybe it's not going to say everything on it. It probably will be the first year of his life, and it's going to have a lot of pictures on it and say what he weighed when he was born, what he's up to. I don't want to be. And I think if that's the case, and it's not a forever thing, it's just because when people first have a baby, everyone wants to see that baby. And the change within one year is so drastic. M1 Ron from El Cajon.
You just put Woods into such a tailspin that it looks like he just lost his mind when you said that. Now he's convinced that perverts are going to be looking at this website. No, it's like, I mean, if we're, okay, it would be talked about. There's a lot of perverts and pedophiles out there without this stuff. You know what I mean? They want to find pictures of little kids. They're going to find pictures of little kids. What I don't want is for him to have his own friggin' website that the guy can go look at. You know what I mean? There's no difference. So then I've got to give my grandmother a password to log into connorwoods.net. Come on. Really? Who are we that we think we need our own website? A proud mother and daughter. I'm so proud. He got me when he said asparsoboys.net. As soon as I considered that, I went. Picture this, Mike. Rebecca logging in. I would go to EsparzaBoys.net because you, Mike, take so many adorable little videos. And you know where those videos would go? EsparzaBoys.net. And I could watch those adorable videos. Here's this too. Sienna, here's this. I could go to a video library. Imagine this. Imagine this, if you will, which I know. My wife. I know her. Been together forever. This is what would happen.
Hi, gang. It's Connor Patrick. I'm really enjoying my new home here in sunny San Diego. My mom took me to the beach today. And here's me in the background. The gun in my mouth. I think that if Jamie wants to do it, Jamie can do it because it's adorable. And if she wants to narrate as Connor, then, you know, power to her. Where are you staying tonight, Woods? I don't know. Maybe with my buddy, Winder. It's a chick thing, man. It's a chick thing. I think it's cute. Because when I see Rebecca post things like, my punky punk. It's cute. That's a girl thing. It's a girl thing. I say my cuddle bug. She is my cuddle bug. Men are like, it's my boy. It's my bub. It's my bub. It's the bubs. Well, it's different. It's my boy. Yeah, it is different. But here's the deal. A marriage is 50-50. Oh, my God. My 50 is. Abso-freaking-lutely not. Yeah, but so she can't do a website because you said so? That has nothing to do with marriage. That means she can't wear her red shirt because you said no? Exactly. I'm glad you understand, finally. Now you get the dynamics of marriage in my household. To Wood's defense, I cannot get... I can't get it out of my head. Of course you can't. I'll sing that song.
In the middle of the day, I'll go, That's Sienna's song to her little daughter, Sage, that she sings to her all the time. That's my Sage, that's my Sage, that's my little Sage. She's getting big and tall. Sounds like Helen Keller singing a nursery rhyme. The more dramatic and awful I sing it. It sounds like my dad who has a hearing aid. Got a sex change, became a woman, gotten a DeLorean, got it up to 88 miles an hour, and is now 25 years old and is going, I'm telling you, when I first thought of that brilliant masterpiece, it didn't sound like that. It sounded normal. But the worse it got and the more I changed my voice, the more she laughed. Maybe we read back Sienna Sings and we have her do it like that. Let's do a dramatic version.
Like this was picked up by a recording artist. He heard it. He liked it. There you go. You guys, can I get a copy of that? That was really nice. Please. She loves her song and she laughs when I sing it and smiles. And I'm telling you, you sing to the boys with your voice like that and you're going to love it. I'm Casey Kasem.
Climbing four notches to number 16 this week. It's my sage. It's my sage. It's my whittle. My whittle tiny sage. My whittle tiny. This one comes from Siena in San Diego. That's my sage. That's my whittle tiny sage. Sage getting bigger. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It makes my... I'm sweating. It makes me sweat. She is so beautiful. We've got a long distance dedication. I hope she's listening by the radio and has just got to hear that. That's right. She misses it. That's right. There you go. Well, my wife's not texting or calling, so I think my ass is grass. Just let us do what we want to do, okay? Okay. What's this do for you, Miguel? A lot. A lot. Love me. Some damn Yankees. M1 Misty is on the line. Misty, you there? Yes. Misty's from La Mesa. What did you want to say, Misty? Well, first off, I love all of you guys. Thank you. We love you. Whoa. So happy you guys are on here. But I'm actually on with this side. And I have a 13-month-old. And my whole thing, I am just so fiercely protective of my children. I also have two teenage boys. Yeah.
I don't have their pictures on my Facebook or anything like that. Like I have like a newborn picture of the baby. I don't know. My whole deal is I don't need to have that out there for anybody else in the world. I'll send out a mass email to my family. Like when I have several pictures I want to share with everybody, I'll send the mass email out to all my family and friends. What do you think, Woods? Maybe she does that. Yeah, I mean, and that's not my issue, the protection issue. Your life is a little bit different. Yeah, that's true. Like when Sage was born, I can't tell you how many listeners, please post pictures, please post pictures. And if I didn't do that, they would never get to see Sage. Yeah, absolutely. That's not my issue. That's not my issue at all. I'll throw him on Facebook like a mofo, man. He'll have his picture will be my picture. You'll be so proud. For sure. I just don't want him to have his own website. I don't want him to get a big head, okay? How do you get paralyzed? By a hickey. We'll tell you when we come back. Can't you see? And you know for sure. So Sienna, how did somebody... We're going to be talking to L.O.B. here in just a second. She's at the airport. How did somebody get paralyzed from a hickey? This is...
Insane. This is a 44-year-old woman out of New Zealand. She went to the hospital because she lost movement in her left arm while she was watching TV. So she went to the hospital in panic, and the doctors were doing all these tests, and they concluded that she may have suffered from a mild stroke. But they didn't know what caused the stroke until they found a small little vertical bruise on her neck near a major artery. It was a hickey that she had gotten a couple days before that. And so because of the physical trauma, it made a bite, a bit of bruise. inside of the vessel, and there was a clot in the artery underneath where the hickey was, and I guess the clot dislodged and traveled to the woman's heart where it caused a minor stroke that led to the loss of movement. Holy cow. Now tell me that whole thing again. I know. There was like a million different pieces, but basically, I mean, it was a hickey. It caused physical trauma. There was a clot underneath it. Did she get better? Traveled to her heart. Yeah. That's insane. It's a trip. I know. L.O.B. is on the line. L.O.B. is flying back east today, and she's at the airport. Are you there, L.O.B.? Yes. Can you hear me? I can hear you. I can hear the airport. Yeah. So, guess who just got asked to be body scanned? Oh, my God. L.O.B. Look at the fun bags on that hole's helmet. It happened again? Yeah. Did you deny it? No. Of course, I'm a wuss, and I submitted to it. What about the cancer? Yeah. I know. Can we get a copy of that scan?
That scam. Scam. Can we get a copy of that scam? Can we see your body scam? Just show me your boobs. That's all I really want. You know, it doesn't seem to be very random because it was me and a couple other girls that went through there. You and a couple other blondes? Weird. No, all shapes and sizes. Really? Takes all kinds. That makes me upset. I'm upset. I'm upset with myself mainly because I'm like, when I go to the next time, I'm going to say no. And then you're like, okay. I was just like, I just don't want to make any waves. I don't want to miss my flight. Good girl. Yeah. Guys like hands on your hips this time. Can you kick one leg out and live in front of the other? Shake it all about. You got to put your hands up over your head. Of course you do. L.O.B. Yeah. Was the guy African-American? What's happening? How did you know? Oh, L.O.B. He really was. Was he really? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. He knows who you are. He's like, she wants a taste anyway. Might as well get one for myself. They have to radio it in somewhere else, so they won't let you walk through. Whoever looks at the image gives the okay. Like, yeah, I've seen enough. Oh, wow. Not at all awkward. Yeah.
It's not at all degrading. Oh, boy. L.O.B., don't get... Next time, refuse it. Next time, I am. No. Are you? Fight the power, L.O.B. So when she's not here on Monday or Tuesday. I don't feel very random anymore, so I feel like next time I'm going to fight the power. There you go. Then you get a pat down real good. Yeah, I'll take that. Okay. All right, L.O.B. All right. Safe travels, kid. Safe travels. We'll see you soon. All right. Bye, guys. Bye. Emma and Brandy from Oceanside would like to tell people about something going on tomorrow. Hello. Hi. Go ahead. So I'm from Ocean Beach. We are having a benefit tomorrow at Brick by Brick from 5 to 2 a.m. to help my daughter with her struggle with leukemia. Oh, that's sweet. And where do people go and what do they do? They're going to have a shuttle bus that will be free all night starting at 5 that can pick you up at the OB Pier parking lot. Or you can just show up at the Brick by Brick. They're going to have raffling and the Hoedad's is going to be catering and there's like 10 different bands there. There you go. There you go. Well, good luck, Brandy, and we hope that you're able to raise a lot of money. Okay, thank you so much for letting me come on. You got it. Thank you. All right, we'll see you. Anybody doing anything this weekend they want to promote?
Jay? I do. I got the fourth annual Big Bear Getaway. I wanted to thank O'Neal. I wanted Dragon Alliance, Rockstar Energy Drinks, Northwood Lodge, and Big Bear Mountain. There you go. Also want to thank Lolita's for coming in today and bringing some delicious food. They're the best. Really delicious food. Two locations in Chula Vista, a couple other ones in San Diego. I got a game. My new season, we jumped leagues. We're in the San Diego. I think it's called the Premier Baseball League. It's a men's league now? Yeah, it's a new men's league. Ben Brough is running it. And I think it's the Premier Baseball League. I think. No, San Diego Baseball Alliance. 1.30 Hoover High Sunday. Yes, Sienna? Did you have one? No? I'll hopefully be sleeping all weekend. I'm just singing goofy songs real good. On Sunday, I will be at 7SD Church. And I'll be speaking at 930 and 11. It's a free event. And it is at 9841 Vine Street in Lakeside. So I'll be out in East County. And again, it's two services, 930 and 11, out there telling you the longer version of my story, if you'd like to be out there. And what is that? What is that story?
Every morning on Friday at the end of the show, I tell you about my story. And every morning before I ever come on the air, I pray that God will give me the words to say because I never know what to say and I never know what I'm going to say. And so I ask for that. I believe that I'm on the radio for a bigger purpose than... just to be on the radio. I hope that I can pass on my experience to people so that it can help them. You know, I got an email from somebody that said that they were upset because I was on the air talking about the fact that I consider myself unattractive. And I really had to take a look at that. And what I decided after I thought about it is that There's something to what she said. And we'll get there. When I was a kid, when I was five years old, I was molested. And what that caused was a lot of shame. Didn't tell anybody about it. In fact, first time I told anybody about it, I think I was given my testimony. And before that moment, I hadn't.
But it was just really put in me that it was something that I needed to do. Because I know that there's a lot of people that are listening right now that have been through something similar. And if you have, you may have experienced the feelings that I had. Worthlessness, feeling like I don't deserve, feeling like I am. Feeling like I'm not lovable. Like that other kids, I used to feel like other kids were loved. But I wasn't and that I wasn't worthy of it. That there was something wrong with me. Never liked who I was. And then as I got older, I experienced a lot of anger. I was always pissed off. Pissed off about everything. People thought I was better than everybody too. I thought I was better. I thought I was smarter. And I got into my 20s and I really started to hurt people with my mouth.
I would hurt people with my words. Got on the radio, hurt people with my words. Had vicious, vicious humor. And at one point, just became completely morally bankrupt. I was a liar. I was a manipulator. I was a cheater. Completely self-absorbed. And I was also becoming addicted to alcohol. I was abusing drugs. And in 2003... I lost my job, lost the house I'd bought, and I was living out of a hotel in San Diego. And the whole time I was drinking and got to a point where I couldn't stop drinking and I would have, my hands would shake until I drank. 2003, it had got so bad that my dad said we couldn't talk anymore until I stopped and never cried when he said that. I was angry, but it got to me.
And eventually, one night laying in bed, I gave my life to Jesus Christ. And when I did that, there was this process that started. Still happening today. Still becoming a different person every day. The fact that I did that didn't make life perfect. In fact, the last year of my life was the worst year of my life. In so many ways, the hardest year. And in so many ways, the greatest year. But through all of it, there was God, man. There was God through all of it. That's the reason I tell you this story. Because there are people that are listening right now that feel hopeless. If you feel hopeless, or if you're addicted to alcohol or drugs, or if you're like me, you've experienced depression, you've experienced eating disorders. If you're any type of person like that that's addicted to pornography and you don't want to be and it's a secret and no one knows about it. Or you got some other addiction that nobody knows about. Or you're embarrassed about something.
Or you feel like a dirtbag. What I want you to know is that I may not feel like I'm the greatest looking person physically. That may be true. But I don't feel ugly. In fact, I don't feel ugly, man. And I'm really sorry if I've ever put that out there. That's not what I want to put out there. I don't think that. In fact, I'm more confident today than I've ever been. And ever since I turned my life over to God, I've been blessed. With Steve Woods and Sienna Farrar and Lauren O'Brien and Jay Isbell and my wife, my kids. Happier than I've ever been in my life. Blessed to be working with the people that I'm working with and to have the life that I have. If you're desperate, hopeless, go to MikeyShow.com and click on the word help. And there's so many resources that you can get that can help you. That's my story. I also want to play you a song.
Because this song, in so many ways, is right where you are. The band is called Red, and the song is called Pieces. And I've been right where these lyrics are so many times. Also have a website that I want to tell you about called Be Different Pact. Lovely and talented Hillary is coming up next. Have a great and safe weekend, and we'll see you again on Monday. The Mikey Show is out. So