The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 01/28/11

0:04It's the Mikey Show on a Friday with a lot. Welcome to the program. I would say as I'm looking at just kind of the rundown of what we have today, I don't know how we're going to be able to do all of the material that we have. We have so much material today. And another cool thing is that today is the release of our article in the San Diego Union Tribune. So make sure that you get the San Diego Union-Tribune today. Read Carla Peterson's article about the Mikey Show. And I think it's in either the Night and Day. Night and Day. Night and Day. So there you go. Check it out. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I am 40, and I can tell you that I have an allowance. That is something about me. I get an allowance. My wife is in charge of it.

3:03And, you know, we have set these rules in place. And the reason that we have is because if we don't, I will overspend. of like a marriage where the guy works right and uh he's got a wife and and maybe the wife is a stay-at-home mom or maybe she works too yeah maybe she works too but in this case for this particular story for this particular story let's say that she doesn't work right no she works and so oh boy oh boy he's being serious he's being facetious no he's being serious so uh the the the husband works the wife is at home and uh Perhaps she uses the credit cards and doesn't tell him about it. And then he gets these bills and he's like, what is this? What are you doing? It's that situation for me, only it's kind of reverse. And I am the one that works. I'm the one that works and brings the money home. My wife is a stay-at-home mom, yet she still is the one that goes, what's going on? I'm like, I don't know.

4:15What? Why don't you just get off my back? You're gone alive. She's like, Nordstrom's again. What's with the Nordstrom's? Grooming lounge. Yeah, grooming lounge again. I needed something. Clinique? What is Clinique? It's a moisturizer I use, okay? Leave me alone. So, Woodsy is 35, and he is our sports guy. Can I tell you something about me? Sure. I was brushing my teeth this morning, and I noticed my boobs jiggling. Oh, my God. Yeah, I was just kind of bent over, and I was brushing, and I was like, and I look, and I go, oh, boy, those are jiggling right around. Yeah, I've done that before. It's awesome. It feels so good. I'm so proud of my physique. I've done that before, and I look in the mirror, and I go, wow, you look like Charlize Theron in Monster. I know, dude. I'm going to start wearing a very loose V-neck when I brush my teeth and hang it down like this. I wear a sports bra now. Now I wear a sports bra when I brush my teeth. I was mortified. That's how I started my day. Oh, man.

5:32jiggling teas in the mirror. Did you stop for donuts afterwards? I might have stopped for a donut and a Dr. Pepper this morning. It's a routine. Leave me alone. You can't break the routine. I can't break routine. You could change it to like a water and maybe a muffin. Nah. It throws off. Banana. Our assistant producer is Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as L.O.B. And she looks like she is more blonde now than she was because you had darkened your hair. That's right. What happened? Did it fade out or how did it change or did you go get it? it done I went to go get it blonder again you didn't like it the darker no no and originally I was just going to add some highlights and then it turned into an all-over thing and I was like yeah yeah if it ain't broke don't fix it yeah Sienna is our news girl. She's 25 years of age. She's got a little daughter named Sagey. And an interesting fact about Sienna is that I have known Sienna because of the old station. When I was at the old station, she was filling in for Sky. And she was doing news. And that's how I got to know her and became desensitized to her. Had you not worked with me, I wouldn't have become desensitized. And I would have.

6:39babbled like a moron every time I talked to you. No, you didn't. You were bad. Every time. Sienna, every time I talked to you. You called me Sierra one time. True story. And I said, excuse me, what did you say? And you were like. I didn't. This is a true fact. I didn't want to see Sienna because I got nervous and I didn't want it. I didn't want it. You didn't want any part of it. I didn't want any part of nervousness and I didn't want any part of. bumbling or i don't want that uh but now she's like my sister you know now we've worked together and she's like my sister uh jay is like my sister as well he's 47 years of age he is our executive producer and uh and uh interesting fact about him is that he used to be the promotion director in fact he was And still to this day, he was one of the most incredible promotion directors ever. I was going to say the most, and then I thought, I wonder how our current promotion director would feel about that. Nice save. But then revealed what I was going to say, which is in fact not a save. So it's like a save, but then not a save. Well, they are of the same school of thoughts. He's like, Adam is his men.

7:47Jay's mentee? Yes. Would you call him that? The protégé. Protégé. Yeah. He's my prodigy. And our phone screener today is Chris. It's Chris. It's Chris. Let's see. We are going to play movie plot Hot Potato today at 7.30. And today it's not going to be Woods and Jay. When we play movie plot Hot Potato, the loser has to get shot in the behind with a BB gun. I'm scared. Yeah, sign me up for that. Yeah. And it's going to be L.O.B. and Sienna playing today. I've never been shot. Never been shot with a BB gun? No. Doesn't feel great. I don't have jeans on either. So if I get shot. I think I might borrow your sweatshirt. Can I do that? No. I can't. Hey, Mike. Hey, Mike, can I wear some body armor? Yeah, can I put on Kevlar? Kevlar. Kevlar's okay, right? That's fine, right? No, you can't wrap a sweatshirt around your waist. I don't have...

8:49Any sort of padding. I have leggings on. I never wear underwear. Ever. You know that. You wear jeans. Jeans are thicker. It's, I'm telling you. Well, let's just hope I don't. Maybe you should wear jeans. It stinks. I'll be fine. You're tough. I had a baby. Yeah, you had a baby. Okay, a couple things. A, don't try it at home because, you know, we're professionals. We are. And B, this is not a very high-powered BB gun, isn't it? Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Word of the day is cherry. When you hear me say the word cherry between now and 10 o'clock. Why? I knew someone was going to do it. Everybody probably thinks it was Jay. No. Because Jay. Wasn't it? Jay is the creepiest on the show, but it wasn't. I don't know if he is the creepiest. No, I don't either. Maybe it's a tie. It was the cute little demure blonde girl sitting to my right. I'm never going to have to shave or wax again. Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jay. Whoa, Jay. Whoa, Jay. He has all these Lauren drops. I know. Where did you get all this stuff? Paybacks are hail, Mike. Paybacks are hail. What do you got? I've got Lauren from all of her commercials. I went and grabbed them all. Here's one. The gigantic. The gigantic. What else? Let me hear them all. Yeah, sign me up for that.

10:07What else? I'm never going to have to shave or wax again. That's all I got so far. Great. He's really excited. I wasn't even here when you guys did your Red Hot thing. What is that? Jay's outtakes. Oh, yeah. Jay recorded a commercial for, what is it? Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. And we... just pulled a bunch of stuff from that. It was gold. You ever just take it out on the person that wasn't involved? No, no. Just know that each of you are going to get your turn in the barrel. I've had my turn on that spit for a year. For a year, I've been on that spit. Bring it, Jay. Thank you very much. All right, so here's what's going on today. Any call is 5701-949. Right off the bat, it's... Who is this? No way. I saw it up there and I'm like, that can't be. It's M1 T-Rex. Yes, it is. T-Rex. Love T-Rex. How are you, bro? I just wanted to call and congratulate you guys for being on the air for a year. Thank you very much, T-Rex. Thank you very much. That is very nice of you. Now, this is the first...

11:23Wait a minute. This is the first time that T-Rex has called into the Mikey Show. Long-time Mikey Show listener. Just want to say, L-O-B, you would be a big fan. Oh, you'd be a big fan. T-Rex, as soon as she heard your voice, she got a giant smile on her face. Winger time. Okay. All right. Thank you. You know, I get a lot of people say, you sound like the Allstate. guy. You do? Yes, he does. He does. Okay, you're in good hands, Dan. Oh, wow. Hello. Hello. I take it back. Like my man. Okay. Well, T-Rex, it's good to hear from you, and we love having you on, and we hope to keep hearing from you. We got a new twist with that today, by the way. We got a new twist with my testimony. A friend of mine introduced me to some music that I cannot stop listening to, and I'm going to use it in my testimony today. And it's really beautiful, man. So thank you, T-Rex. We love you, man. T-Rex.

12:38Yeah, what was it? I don't remember. There was some... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the guy. This is the guy that asked Troy Aikman for the autograph. No way. Yes. T-Rex. It's T-Rex. Hey, I'm on your side, T-Rex. Yeah. He asked Troy Aikman for an autograph at the urinal. If you get your chance, sometimes you have to take your chance. That's right, T-Rex. You never know when you're going to see Troy Aikman again. Yeah. Exactly. That a boy. Were his hands kind of full at the time? Maybe not. Just hanging. Say again, T-Rex. I said it was done in a general manner. Yes. You know, I waited till he was done. But, you know, we did have a conversation as we were doing our thing. You should have used your Allstate line then. Yes. Oh, wow. Did you shake hands? Afterwards. There you go. Yeah, you should have turned to him and gone, you're in good hands with Allstate. All right. Well, T-Rex, we love you. And thank you for calling, brother. We love you. That's awesome, man. Hey, we got new ones that are going to be coming out, and so it's real good, man. You got it. Come on in. Thank you. Come in Monday. How about Monday? Can you make it in today? You can just come in today if you want it. M1 Leonidas is on the line. Come and get them! M1 Leonidas from La Mesa. What's going on?

14:18Oh, man, that just makes me want to do 1,000 push-ups right now. I know. Not me. Woods. Eat 1,000 donuts. Woods. Leonidas, Woods has never seen 300. I can't do push-ups. Oh, oh, oh. And I'm lazy. Oh, I thought it was like. You could have a gun to my head, and I wouldn't do 1,000 push-ups. Okay. I just want to say congratulations on the year and a year of awesomeness. You guys have been nothing but awesome on the air. Your charisma, it's the best thing. And I read the article this morning in the Union Tribune. It was awesome. I loved it. Thank you, bro. Thank you very much. I'm glad they chose the picture of me sitting on the couch with a little blanket over me. The one where I look like Jabba the Hutt with four chins just kicked back. Sienna was sick that day. He was sick and taking care of my sick baby. What are we supposed to do? I don't know. Bring her over to your house? I don't know, but I feel guilty. I feel bad. Maybe you take a picture of one that's already with all of us together and put it in. Honey, how about that? The photographer came and took all the pictures.

15:19We had no say. Yeah. Really? He took all the new fresh pictures. We were in the trenches. We're going to Photoshop it. People are reading it going, oh, look at the Mikey show. Look at the four people in the show. I know. I'll just take it to the house, you know. We'll just be in the trenches. Thank you very much, Leonidas. We love you, bro. Yeah, I love you too, man. Take care. Thank you. 570-194-9 is the number. So did you know that today is the 25th anniversary? Of the challenge of disaster. Crazy. 25 years. I know. That's amazing. January 28th, 1986. I was in high school. I was a sophomore in high school. Sienna, I don't know that you were born. I was one. I was six months. Wow. Almost one. What grade are you in when you're 11? You are in sixth, I think. Jenna's nine and she's in fourth. You're nine when you're in fourth. You turn 10 when you're in fourth. You turn 11 when you're in fourth. I was 10, so I think I was in fifth grade. Wow. Yeah. Did it mean anything to you? Very much. Very much, man. So you still got the levity of it? Yeah. I wouldn't say I got the levity, but when the story came out later, you know, Krista McCall, Krista McCall, the teacher, that's what really affected us because our teacher was a wreck. L.O.B. I was in kindergarten and I remember crying because they said a teacher went up there and didn't come back. I was looking at my teacher like, you're not going. How about you, Jay?

16:40You were 104. Yeah, I was 104. I was hanging out with Lincoln at that time. That would be hard. I just think I was at school, and I was... He was so stoned, he can't remember. I just remember the teachers all putting on the TV, bringing the TV in the room. What school? It was like a dive school, commercial diving. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, wow. Of course. Jay has done a lot of different kinds of things. I was up in a hot air balloon. Yeah. Sniper school. I was welding the Empire State boat. I was welding it. Back together. I don't know what this means, but I need to. The Girl Scouts are doing something with the cookies. Now, nobody panic. I'm panicking. The originals aren't going anywhere, and I'll explain. But, you know, they're... There's been an economic downturn, so they need to cut some costs, the Girl Scouts. What are the originals? Like the tag-alongs. Come on. Like you don't know. Like you don't know what the originals are. Samoan. Do-si-dos. Tag-alongs. I thought you meant that there was a kind called original. Oh, no, no, no. Thin mints. Oh, mamacita. Thin mints. Don't you give the down figure. This is the best. In the freezer. You're insane. You know, I don't want to.

18:06I don't want to eat chocolate and it tastes like I brush my teeth. I do. I went to my friend's house the other day and I hadn't seen her in a while. And instead of like saying hi and give me a hug, she went to her freezer. It's like. Look what I got. It's a slow-churned dryer's ice cream that has samosas in it. Oh, it's the best. I've had it. She's like, this is the best thing I've ever had. You need to get it. They're so good. So they're not getting rid of the cookies. Well, they're getting rid of a couple of them. Listen to how gnarly these flavors are. If shortbread's on there, I'm going to flip. Shortbread's one of the originals. It's one of the originals, the shortbread. You're okay. I say, Girl Scouts, just stop making the extra ones. You're good with what you have. Yeah, you're good. That's the one thing I don't think they need to expand on. Okay, well, first of all, then, what are the originals? What qualifies? I would say Samoas, Tagalongs, which are the peanut butter and chocolate cookies, the Lemon Chalet Creams, the Do-Si-Dos, which are like the peanut butter. It's like a peanut butter patty. Patty cake-y type thing. I'm going to say this wrong. Truffles? Truffles. You're okay. Okay. Truffles? Truffles? Yeah. I've never heard of them, but...

19:12What are the trefoils? Oh, trefoils. Trefoils. Oh, yeah. What is that? What are the trefoils? Does anyone know what the trefoils are? Are they not the shortbread? The shortbread. Okay, that's the shortbread. Thank you. I love that. Those are good. That should be the original because it looks like a Girl Scout. Yes. Thin Mints, Tagalong, Samoas, Lemon Chalet, Creams, Do-Si-Dos, and Trif oils. Those are the originals. Those aren't going anywhere. However, the Thank You Berry Much. Berry cookie. Fabulous. I don't even want to try that. Didn't know. Repulsive. Dulce de leche, Mikey. Mikey. He's like, damn it! Dulce de leche. I'm so upset I didn't know that existed. But, you know, I take it like a vitamin every day. Yeah. I would. Swallow it whole. Honey, did you take your dulcet? There's also shout outs, which I don't even know what those are, but those are going. Never heard of that. And lemonades. Didn't know. They already have a lemon one. We don't need it anymore. So those are going. But remember last year, or maybe it was two years ago, they cut the amount of cookies down. They reduced them in a box.

20:24So stupid. To do the same thing. Same price. Yes. Stop messing with them. Stop messing with them. What are they, like $8 a box now? They get me every year. I'll be walking out of, well, I was going to say Home Depot, but you guys all know that's a lie. I'm walking out of like Albertsons. Bed Bath & Beyond. Yeah, Bed Bath & Beyond. Perfect. Burger King. Yeah, Burger King. Wendy's. Kentucky Fried Chicken. They always get me on the hook for about 12 boxes. I'm like. How much? Oh, that'll be $96. I'm like, oh my God. Because you feel like a monster going, no. Is there any better feeling than when you order them at your house and the day they get delivered and you see that Girl Scout walking up with her wagon and you're like, yes! You're like Tom Hanks that just got off the island in Castaway. You're like, oh my God, oh my God. Crumbs all over you. I bought from the wrong Girl Scout last year because it took her forever to bring. I'm like seeing other people with cookies. I'm finally like, hey. Hey, can you get her over here now? Yeah, I need her now. You got my fix? In fairness to Jay, he did buy from a generic girl scout. Because he wasn't going to pay full price. Well, he got girl bouts. Girl bouts cookies. The lady scouts. He called himself the curl scout. And she was 22, so I don't know. Oh, wow. Never forget saying to Rebecca, babe, I do this because it's good to support them. And she's like, well, you know, you can send them to the troops.

21:43You're still supporting, but it goes to the troops, not us. I'm like, oh. Well, I just want to eat them. We could send some to them sometimes. I don't want to send sugar over there. They need to be on their game. I was a brownie and did all the cookies and stuff. I'm still a brownie. I didn't make it to Girl Scouts either. We gave up. You were never Girl Scout, L.O.B.? I was a Daisy Brownie and a regular Brownie, but I didn't make it to Girl Scouts because by that age, I felt like it was lame. Was it more prestigious to be a Girl Scout or a Brownie? It was more like everybody was a brownie, but then Girl Scouts were kind of like the goody two-shoes of the school. Really? Brownies were the whores. No, you were older. Brownies are for young kids. When you get to an age, then you're automatically a Girl Scout. But I think it's like in third grade you become a Girl Scout. Yeah, and you have to stick it out and you have to be more involved with the community. And you're like, I ain't doing that. I was a Cub Scout.

22:46And it was more prestigious to be a Boy Scout than it was to be a Cub Scout. And I hated it. I hated being a Cub Scout. I lost my little yellow tie. Handkerchief? I don't know what it's called. Handkerchief. I remember getting it real good for that. Got in some real good trouble for that. Where'd you lose it? From your Scout leader or your parents? My parents. Oh. My mom. She was upset that I had lost it. Probably had lost it twice. And also, this is my other memory of being a Cub Scout, was that they used to have a little boxcar derby. Do you remember that? Pinewood Derby or whatever. Pinewood Derby? Yeah. I would go to my brother if those were fun. Yeah. Well, I won it. I won the whole thing. Shut up. Yeah, and it was like regional. They did it, and I kept winning and kept winning and kept winning. Finally, I won the whole thing. I'll tell you how. I didn't get to participate in it. My brother Mark took over the entire project, and I didn't have anything to do with it. I wanted to be a part of it. In fact, I wanted to do it. He said no. I also wanted to help him. No, he didn't want it. You know what he did? He took the block of wood, and he drilled two holes in the front of it.

24:00And he stuck two bullets inside of the wood so that it was heavy. Then he put a dowel in and sanded it down and painted it. Now it was heavier because it had two bullets inside of it. They weighed our cars. They did? Yeah. They didn't weigh them. I wonder if your title can be stripped now that you're admitting this. No kidding. You know, it was one of those things where I considered doing it in the testimony, you know, maybe just letting everyone know. And then when I was eight, I just had to come clean on this. Walmart in San Diego. Walmart is planning some big expansions in San Diego. They're planning to build about a dozen new stores in San Diego over the next five years. Doing so because... It creates a lot more job opportunities. Construction jobs. It says about... Twelve? Twelve. Twelve. Isn't there like two here now? Oh, my gosh. I don't know. No, no, no. Kearney Mesa. I know there's one. I know two. One in Escondido-ish in the Kearney Mesa area. Oh, maybe you're right. And there's one by the miniature golf place on the 163. There's one in Poway, too. There's a bunch. My wife just told me that.

25:14There's going to be 16 Walmarts in San Diego County? Sounds like it, yeah. That's a lot of Walmarts, man. Well, it would create 300 temporary construction jobs plus over 1,000 new employees to staff. Boy, there'd be a lot of people bummed. Right. Story on the Mikey Show's year anniversary here at FM 94.9 is out today in the San Diego Union Tribune, so pick it up. Rahm Emanuel back in the news. We'll tell you about that. What about all the doo-doo from... Mexico that's been flowing into the ocean. We got an update on that. And a chick on American Idol. We don't want to say anything about her. A chick on American Idol last night saying, I don't want to miss a thing. And impromptu asked Steven Tyler to jump in and do it with her. She goes, come on, come on. Oh, my gosh. And he did. Was it very good or was it very bad? You'll find out next. Make some noise in here. So was this girl that sang I Don't Want to Miss a Thing with Steven Tyler any good, or was she real bad? You're going to find out in just a second. Let's make some noise with our live studio audience that's hanging out with us in here this morning. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, as Mikey teased a little bit ago, Tijuana, there was a big sewage pipe that was leaking over, let's see if I get the number right, 56,000 gallons.

27:02Per hour of sewage into the ocean. It's now been fixed. Thank goodness. Also, yesterday, the Illinois Supreme Court ruled that the former White House Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, met the residency requirements. And his name will stay on the mayoral ballot in Chicago. How did it go from, well, you don't. Well, what they said was, quote, given the record before us, it is simply not possible to find clearly. erroneous determination that the objectors failed to prove that the candidate had abandoned his Chicago residence. So they're saying that basically there's not evidence enough. Got it. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, after 17 years, Jeff Fisher is no longer going to be the head coach of the Tennessee Titans. He's the longest tenured head coach in the NFL and it's a parting of ways. Right now is what they're calling it. And it's uncertain how it's going to be actually termed. It's so weird because it was like we thought that Bud Adams had made a decision between either VJ. VY. VY. Or him. Vince Young. Well, he had a rough year. A rough year in Tennessee.

28:08I've always liked Jeff Fisher. I think he's a good dude, and he'll catch on somewhere because I think he's a really good football coach. So they're parting ways is what they're calling it right now. And then O.J. Mayo, who plays for the Memphis Grizzlies, has been suspended 10 games by the NBA for a banned substance. Now, I'm going to try to pronounce this banned substance. Ready? Isolate. Dehydroprosone. You didn't try. Best I can do. Dehydroepiandrosterone. I'll just call it D-H-E-A. That's what they're calling it here. But he said it was an honest mistake. I take full responsibility for my actions, but it was an over-the-counter supplement. Codeine, Vicodin, Percocet, Fetanol, OxyContin. Got it. Yes. Got it. So he has been suspended 10 games without pay. Got it. Let's see. Movie plot hot potato with the girls today. Ladies edition. That's right. We'll be doing that at 7.30. And the word of the day is cherry when you hear me say that between now and 10. Calling number nine gets a pair of tickets to see Rush at Cricket Wireless on the 18th of June. Also, you get to see WWE's Royal Rumble, January 30th, pay-per-view from Cox Advanced TV. And...

29:25you will qualify for the big grand prize drawing that we're doing today for 2011 Mountain High Season Pass. So be listening for that word, Cherry, between now and 10. And when you hear it, caller number nine, that's what you'll win. So American Idol, last night, as you know, Steven Tyler is one of the judges. Hello, Lauren's family. Will you sing something in front of your family? My mom and dad's song is one of yours. Oh, yeah, sing that. Sing that. I could stay awake just to hear you breathe. Watch you smile while you are sleeping. Sing it. Way far away. I could spend my life in this sweet serene. I could stay lost in this moment forever. What y'all think? Wow. She is adorable. I love her. Her name's Lauren Alaina. She's 15. My mom texted me that she was bawling, crying when she watched her perform. What's your bit? You know my bit. She's a 15-year-old girl. What's your bit?

30:44What was wrong? As soon as she started singing, you put your hand... Terrible. Your hands up to your face. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible? Yes. I could stay away. Oh, stop. Just to feel. She's got soul. She was breathing. Perfect. The pitch was amazing. Get. Sing the song. Just to hear. That was gorgeous. I hate it so much. I hate it. It drives me bad. You just don't like R&B? Okay. Okay. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's it. You don't like R&D? You don't like that style. I like R&D. She's sang good. She has a good voice. She has a good voice. She has a great voice. So your problem is that she's not giving you don't want to miss a thing like you're used to hearing it. That's exactly right, Mike. It's like you say you go to a concert. But they say not to do that. You want to hear what it sounds like on the record. But they say not to. And you want to prove.

31:44How your voice can expand and all the different things you can do. I get it. Okay. I get what you're saying. But you know what I'm saying. Yeah, you want it. You just don't drag it out. You want it like you want it. She's not doing a cover. She's supposed to be showcasing her voice with a song. Now, Woodsy, you would like it if it was a dude. And if the dude was singing it, not imitating Steven Tyler, but singing it normal. What you wouldn't like is for a guy to come in and go. I could stay awake. Exactly. Just to hear you breathing. She's a girl, though. She can do it. I'm telling you, this girl's 15, so this is the first year that anyone under 16 can actually qualify for the show. So it's a big deal. And I watch American Idol and follow it. And everyone's saying this girl has a chance to win. I claim top three, guaranteed. Bold statement. That's a bull too, but hold me to it because she's good and very likable. She's a sweet little girl. I saw a bunch of stuff. The whole internets are blowing up about this girl already. What's her name? Lauren Elena. 15? 15. She's from the South. That's scary to me. She's adorable. Her family was there. Scary. Good family. Too young. Yeah. Yeah. If she wins.

32:59And it doesn't matter when you sing like that. You probably get a recording contract even if you don't win. She's great. She'll be in the top seven. She'll probably get something. She won't even be able to drive the Ford that the American Idol always gives the winners. Yeah, I know. She won't be able to drive the Ford. No. Yo, I dated her. Oh, Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber. You didn't date her. I did. I swear. I dated her. Oh, no. You know what I mean. I do. Wink, wink. Yeah, she came to my concert, and she asked my mom if she could get backstage. Don't say she asked her mom. And my mom, she'd be handing out them backstage passes. Here, I got one right here. Look. That's a Mikey show backstage. Oh, no, that is a Justin Bieber backstage. Justin Bieber backstage pass. You know how much that's worth? How much? That's worth. $350,000. To who? Wow. That's what my mom's charging. That's what my mom's be charging. Wait a minute, Justin Bieber. 15-year-old white kid. You're telling me. I'm black. Okay, you're telling me, Justin Bieber. I'm black. You're telling me that your moms would charge. Yes. $350. Which is be paying it, too. Right. Yeah. Okay. And also, what you're telling me.

34:03Is that your moms had no problem axing for that price from these girls. No, man. Even though it was for her sons. Yeah, sisters. And, I mean, I get moms backstage. I get moms and daughters. I get sisters. I get all kinds of stuff. I'm Justin Bieber. You're a dirty kid. There's your pass. I am black. You're not. You're white. I'm black. You're a white kid with straight blonde hair. I'm black, and my hair's brunette. All right. And it's swept so nicely. Maybe you read the tabloids every now and then. All right. No, I don't like to read those. Don't you? No, I don't. I came home yesterday, and my wife said to me, don't freak out. Now, when your wife begins any sentence with don't freak out, your inclination is to freak out. Yeah. And so she said, don't freak out. And I said, too late. And she said, ah, hang on. And, uh, so we were in the kitchen and, uh, she said, uh, I got something to tell you about and, uh, I have a fix for it and it's all going to be okay. And immediately I'm thinking, okay, it's my computer, something on my computer and blah, blah, blah. Think about your computer before. Your kids. Yeah. Your children. Fix for it. Yeah. Yeah. Your children. Like, Hey, Luke.

35:16Cracked his head open, but we've got it stitched up. Jake, I kicked out of school, but I already have him in another school. We got it open. Listen, if Luke cracked his head open, I would hope Sharp's Memorial has a fix for it before my wife does. And you probably would have gotten a call before you got a call. I know. I got a fix for it. And she walks over to this little glass bowl that I have. Okay? I keep a glass bowl. on our kitchen counter, and it has butter in it, okay? Let me explain. You don't like to keep it in the fridge? To explain, I, according to my wife, make the best toast she's ever had. I believe it. Congratulations. I believe it, too. Every Saturday and Sunday morning, I awaken early, and I go downstairs. In my nightgown. True story. I have a gray, or excuse me, green flannel pair of pajamas. It's not a pair. It's just a single nightgown. It's a singlet. It's a long negligee. It's a long flannel negligee for men. Yes, exactly. It's a man's top, but they've made it long. It's just a nightgown. It's called a nightgown. Buttons or no buttons in the front? No buttons. Lace or no lace?

36:43All right. A little lace. A little lace. There's a little bit of lace. Okay. There's a little bit of lace. Underwear, no underwear. Underwear. You know. Underwear. No. There is underwear. There is underwear. Ding, ding, dong. Ding, ding, dong. Wink, wink. I meant your wiener. Don't you get it? I meant wiener. No, don't explain it, Jay. Oh, I'm sorry. Nice beaver. No, that's not subtle. Bring on the biggins. There's no cleverness to that. Wink, wink. You're being blatant. Wink, wink. So I go downstairs Saturday and Sunday mornings. And out of the refrigerator, I take Oasis brand sourdough bread. Okay? It has to be Oasis brand sourdough bread. I toast it on nine. Okay? And generally when it pops up, I take my...

37:41Toast pallet. Your what? You take your what? What's a toast pallet? I have a wooden toast pallet. What is a toast pallet? I don't have any idea. What is it? It's what you grab the toast with. They're like tongs? How about your fingers? I got a built-in toast pallet. You have something to take your toast out of the toaster? Yeah, it's hot. I've never heard of that in my life. I've heard of it. They're like tongs, right? Mike. Yes. Oh, wow. Have you heard of that one? No. Me neither. I grab them with my hand. Me too. It's hot, but you just, real quick. Well, who wants to go, ooh, ow, ow? I see them, but only in, like, the movies. In Buckingham Palace, right? The White House. It costs about $2 at Sir La Table, and... Oh, my God. Not, like, Target? And so I take the toast, right? And then the butter is nice and soft, and I use the butter, I put it on there, and then I use this French preserves. That I have. They're peach. My favorite. It's the only brand that I like. And I put that on there. And then I make some coffee. And then I have my toast and my coffee. Okay? We're just going to skip over the French preserves. Thought we had. Just going to blaze right now. I was trying to. You ever hear of Smuckers? Yeah. French preserves. French preserves.

39:07So Rebecca goes over to this butter bowl, which ironically used to be my nickname in elementary school. But I walk over, she walks over to it and she says, I found out that Jules has been eating the butter. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Jules is Mike's cat. No, it isn't. It's her cat. It's the Esparza family cat. No, I think it's just her cat. It's her cat. The boys like the cat. It's the family cat. Oh, gosh, there's so many. Wow. There's so many things wrong with that. Just cat hair all in the butter. Just cat saliva. You know cats clean themselves with their tongue, right? That's what I said. All over their butt. I go, he licks his butt, babe. Yeah. He licks his butt. And then he licks the butter and then you eat it. And she goes, do you know what she had the rocks to say to me? What? She goes, good thing their mouth is cleaner than ours. And I go, is it? That's a good bit.

40:19I know the dogs are. That's a good wife. To even have told you that. I don't think I would have told Todd. She would have had to start covering it the way that she is, and I would have gone, why are you doing that? And then she'd have to tell me. Be honest. How'd she figure it out? How'd she figure what out? She caught him. My parents' dog will go on the table and eat sticks of butter if it's out. Oh, God. He will. I eat yogurt, and I give dogs all a taste and eat out of the same spoon. It's no big deal. I got four Yorkies. Yeah, but... You're not normal. Penny Bell drinks water out of my mouth. Please write that down. That's disgusting words. Write it down. That's my kid. I don't care. No. Connor is your kid. That's not your kid. She's my first born. The cats are a lot more self-sufficient. It's filthy. It's disgusting. So they do a lot more things with their... It's disgusting. They step in their own stuff, too. Yeah. Oh. And then they lick their paws. Their tongues are like... They have gritty tongues. Sandpaper. Ew, yeah. I said to her. She told me that. Sandpaper butter.

41:25I go, there's no doubt in my mind. I have Ebola. Yeah, you've eaten a lot of cat butt. Yeah. I have feline AIDS. Yeah, you have feline AIDS. I have feline AIDS. The first thing I thought of was the hair in my throat. Like the hair from the cat falling into the butter and sticking in there. And then it's mixed with his preservers. Yeah. You probably didn't taste all the hair that was going in. Because of the French preserves. If you just have smuckers, probably. Yeah, just get some smuckers. Maybe you just get butter and keep it in the fridge. No, it's actually better to have it at a temperature. Buy a butter dish. Yeah, you can cover it. That's what I have. Last night, we had our growth group, and everybody's over there. Listen, I'm so in love with my wife, more in love with her than I've ever been. I don't understand this about her. That cat jumps up on the coffee table. And Rebecca doesn't move. It's like nothing has happened. Yeah, that's the cat, what L.O.B.'s doing. Waving his butt in her face. There will be a person sitting there, right? Say, I'm the person. And Jules is like... Mikey is standing on his chair, waving his butt in the air. Tail up in the air, too. Straight up. And my wife is like, so anyway, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

42:49And I go, and when the cat, you guys know me, cat first jumps up there, I go, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And Rebecca doesn't even, can you call her? Mike, you've told us this before. Put the cat upstairs before people come over. She won't do it. Why don't you? I just will. I just will. But here's the thing. I, every time I say this, I know she thinks I'm kidding. I say, babe, let him free. He wants freedom. No! He wants freedom. No, that was a cry for help. You're Michael Vick. That's a wild animal. You're Michael Vick. That's a wild animal that wants to... It's freedom. And you're locking it up in this home. No. You're Michael Vick. He's eating the butter. It's like a teenager going out and binge drinking and being like, see? See what you made me do? Yeah, just give me a little attention and I won't do it. Yeah, mom, maybe pet me every once in a while and I won't put my butt...

43:49In Cindy's face. If you talk to me, I don't know, twice a year. If twice a year you look at me, I won't put my butt in everyone's face. And in Mike's butter. And I won't eat Mike's butter so that he has Jules toast every Saturday and Sunday morning. I bet Jules has been eating that butter for as long as that butter's been in that bowl. Years. Years. How long has the butter been in the bowl? A year. The whole time? Babe? I love you, darling. I love you. Honey, what's up with Jules? What do you mean, what's up with you? Well, what I mean, what I mean is... He's a cat. Word carefully. You better be careful. It's her baby. It's her first baby. He's a really sweet cat. He is very sweet. He's a black cat. He's cute. He is. He's kind of like a dog. He is. Yeah, he is. I know everybody says that about their cats, but this cat really is like a dog. He really is. Hey, honey. Yeah. He listens to commands. Does he? Yeah. Why don't you command him to stop eating the butter? Well, certain commands he listens to. He's kind of like me. Probably not that one. Hey, babe.

45:06When we have a company over, how come when Jules jumps up and puts his butt on them, you don't react whatsoever? Well, I guess I'm kind of used to it, but also, what are we supposed to do? We have a cab. Well, here's a question. Let's say... for instance, that I decided while company was over that I was going to walk downstairs nude. Different. Would your answer be, what am I going to do? My husband likes to walk downstairs in the nude. Which is true. Which is inappropriate. That would be, but babe, wouldn't that be inappropriate? Yes, of course that would be inappropriate, but that's completely different. First of all, you're a human being. Second of all, he's an animal. Okay, as Jay would say, as Jay would say, as Jay would say, true or false, true or false, it's inappropriate for Jules to jump on people. Last night, Jules jumps up, and this woman that comes has never said this before, and last night finally goes, I'm allergic to cats.

46:30Fake man. And what did I do? Yeah, Rebecca goes, Rebecca goes. Oh, my gosh. And she goes, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She said, only if I pet them and then rub my eyes. And she goes, I won't do that. And I go, oh, okay. Rebecca, okay. What's she supposed to do? I'm surprised, Rebecca. Let me explain, okay? Rebecca's sitting on the end of the couch. and the woman that we're talking about is sitting right next to Rebecca. Jules is laying between us. Jules jumps on the coffee table, and I go, oh, oh. Then Jules and Rebecca, it's complete, like nothing's happened. Oblivious. Oblivious. That's what cats do. Then Jules jumps from the coffee table onto the couch and lays down next to the woman, and the woman... Body language says, the body language says, like, oh, my gosh, a turd, a turd, a turd, a turd, a turd. Her body language says that, okay? She was actually saying, oh, hi, Jules. Uh-huh, uh-huh. In a real passive-aggressive way. Like, hi, Jules. Hi. Hi. Hi. And Rebecca, Rebecca. Was reaching across her to pet Jules. So he was like, oh, you know.

47:50He obviously was very concerned about her allergy as well. All right, so let me try telling my version of how things happened. And so the woman goes, oh, hi, Jules. And then says, I'm allergic to cats. And Rebecca goes, you are? And she goes, yes, you did. And she goes, yeah, but only when I touch them. And Rebecca goes, oh, okay. No. Never. Rebecca never touches Jules. Never shoes Jules. I started to pick him up and she said, no, no, you don't have to do that. There you go. I think that's code for please get that cat away from me. No, it's not. Well, maybe. But listen, we have a cat.

48:40Mike gets so upset about this cat. He hates animals. It's fine. We know. I don't hate animals. I don't hate animals. When I was a kid, I had a dog named Dixie. I was in love with this dog. It got hit by a car. Ever since then, I think I've done a shutoff. Yeah, you hate animals. I don't hate animals. You hate my dogs. I don't hate it. Oh, my God. You need a dog. Rebecca, you guys hate a dog. Yeah. Yeah, if he had his way, Noah would have never built that ark. We'd be animal free. That is not true. Except for cows, because he likes steak. And what I want to know, I just want to know what he suggests that we do. Like, what do we do with Jules? How about put Jules upstairs? How about love on Jules? That's what I say. How do you put him upstairs? What do you mean? He can't come downstairs? I don't know, babe. We have a walk-in closet roughly the size of Fresno. You want to lock a cat in a closet. A closet the size of Fresno that smells like gorgeous leathers from all of the beautiful... Well, all of your shoes would probably end up ruined. From Milan. Yes. What if he has to go to the bathroom? Right in your shoe, Mike. Yeah, right in your tiny little shoes. And you can't get the smell of cat urine out. And if a cat comes and puts his bottom in your face, you know what you do? You go, get. Yeah, get. Yeah, push him down.

50:03I have an idea. Jules goes outside. And gets eaten by a coyote. Which no one cares about, by the way. No one cares when Jules goes. That's not true. Isn't it? That's so sad. I know. I don't think like that. Excuse me. I've said to Rebecca a million times. I go, babe, you know if he goes out there when he whines? It's like coyote bait when he whines like that. And you know what's happened? He goes out there all the time. And I'm like. It's outside. The cats want to go outside. This is Jules. This is Jules. Will someone pay attention to me? I'm outside. You know why I'm outside? Because I'm trying to get your attention. All I want is for one person to believe in me. Jules, your family loves you. You didn't think that you'd let them out. They love you. The boys love to play with you. But how come I walk outside and no one notices? Well, because your dad goes to work real early, so when he comes home, he's tired. Your mom is playing with your brothers. But I'm a cat. I exist. I'm outside and nobody cares. Yeah, there's all kinds of fun things to do outside. Run from coyotes. I'm around from coyotes. I wish people would notice. Chase the mice. Yeah. Do cat things. Drink some milk.

51:19Scratch a tree. Hey, mom. Yeah? Can I ask you a question? Sure. Will you ever talk to me again? You're sitting right next to me and I'm petting you right now. I know, but this is the first time in like four months. And the only reason that you are is because I'm talking on the radio right now. A star chaser. The four months thing isn't true. And if it were up to me, you would sleep with us, but your dad doesn't let us. Let you. Well, that would be wrong. But, Mom. Well, you know, maybe Dad kind of freaked out when he would put his legs into the bed and there would be kitty litter in it. Maybe, Mom, maybe Dad has a little bit of a point about not wanting to sleep with my litter. But, oh, you know, I could be wrong. It could be that most people like to sleep with kitty litter.

52:11You don't want to sleep with kitty litter, but you're willing to eat kitty butter? I am not willing to eat kitty butter. Kitty butter? I love you, my darling. I love you. Love you. Kitty butter. Did you get a new butter started, or are you still using the same butter? No. I didn't get a new butter started. I guarantee Rebecca pays so much more attention to Jules today. Oh, she better. I'm sorry, Jules. I'm not kidding you. That cat plops down on the kitchen floor, and I am the one, every morning with my coffee, goes over to him, leans down. Aww. Pets his stomach. Scratches his stomach. He starts purring. And I'm like, man, it's good. Somebody's doing this, right? Well, when guests come over, that's why he's like, look at my butt. Yeah. Because he wants attention. Yeah. Maybe just give him some love. I wish cat's tails would go down and not up. I am with you on that. 570-1949 is our number. And let's see. Hey, you know, maybe I'm not as out on Piers Morgan as I thought. Because all you can do is ask for honest questions and not be rude when you're doing it. So last night, he asked Kim and Kourtney Kardashian if they actually have talent. And what it is. All the way in on Piers Morgan. And he asked Kim about her sex tape.

53:39And we have the audio. And so we will do that next. Make some noise with our live studio audience. Make some noise in here. It's our live studio audience. So you're going to hear this Piers Morgan interview where he asks Kim and Khloe Kardashian what their talent is. I asked Kim Kardashian that because I didn't know. I didn't know much about her. And so I wanted to know. And I asked her. So that's coming up in just a minute. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. Woodsy is our sports guy. Lauren O'Brien is our assistant producer. We also call her LOB. Sienna is our news girl. Jay is our producer. And our phone screener is Chris. That's gross. That's gross. You know, if you... There's a lot of people in the studio right now. They can see our portrait that we have on the wall. Looks like a painting. Looks like an oil painting. And if you're interested in having a...

55:11Photograph turned into what looks like an oil painting. Real high-end stuff. Really, really cool. Great gift. You can do that by going to portraitprints.net, which is accredited with the Better Business Bureau, and it's our friend Jared that does it, and it's amazing. Movie plot hot potato at 7.30. One of the girls will take a bullet today. An actual BB. Don't do that at home. Do not. Let's see. Let's see if we can shoot. Actually hit the other girl. Oh, that's right. That's going to be the best part. Oh, my God, I missed. Shoot me. What, so I automatically lose? No, no. I can do the reverse. I'm just kidding. Take too long. We've all done it. The guys have all done it. You get a little cherry mark on wherever it hits. Guaranteed. I got to shoot Jay in his rocks last week. Yeah, you did. Didn't hurt. There's nothing there. No! Oh, they're there. I'll show them to you. Please don't. Okay, so this is Piers Morgan interviewing Kim and Kourtney Kardashian. To be brutally honest with me, do either of you actually have, I mean, I'm a judge on America's Got Talent, obviously. If you were to come on and I was to ask you, honestly, what is your talent, would you have any? I would absolutely say that marketing is a skill.

56:43She said marketing is a skill. I would agree with that. It is a skill. So again, let me ask you, what would your talent be? What are you marketing? What are you marketing? Are you marketing your artwork? No. Are you marketing your singing? People make movies. Oh, wow. Right? Yes. People build buildings. Yes. What? You haven't built a building. People make them. People wash windows. People wash windows? Yeah. But what's your talent? People do stuff. I made a sex tape. Did you not see the sex tape? No. That's my talent. What is your talent? Fashion as well. I mean, we each, each sister, have been stylists at some point in our lives. We own, you know, three successful clothing stores. Because you became famous. That is true. Before the famous part. Because your dad defended OJ. They had the stores before they were famous. Oh, they did? Yeah. Well, they did, but they had the stores because their dad defended OJ, and that's how people knew who they were. Is that how they became famous? Their stores do well. Of course they do. Wait a minute, though. Dash. And I'm being completely serious. Was the reason that they got famous because their dad defended OJ? Yes. Well.

58:11I can tell you how Kim got famous was because she had money and she became friends with Paris Hilton. Got it. Who was in the same kind of area. I think they went to school together growing up, a real rich school. And then Kim had the sex tape and then they blew up, the whole family. Okay, so Kim was friends with Paris who was now famous for being not famous. Exactly. They're socialites because of their father's money. And their grandfather's money. And now their stepfather was a professional baseball player. No. Bruce Jenner? Yeah. No, he was a decathlete. He was in the Olympics. That's what I meant. He invented peanut butter. Love L.O.B. Decathlete. We are smart enough to understand that having a... You can't just make up words. Decathlete. I know what a decathlete is, but who cares? Sign me up for that. That's a pretty big deal. A successful reality show is... Just a platform to where people can kind of, you know, get to know us on a personal level, see us. To her defense, she is very beautiful. Oh, yeah. She looks like a model. That's Courtney. Oh, how can you tell? I watch the show. It's Sienna. I'm not. The shows are ridiculous, but I love them. Yeah. For us, we've always been about the business. So we've always been about the music.

59:35Oh, Woods. I think this is Kim talking now. We used to be. Babe. We are about the music, and the morning we do this. I thought you were all about the music. That was never, ever the slogan. It was, I swear. No, it was just, it's about the music. A fragrance and a shoe line and a clothing line at Sears, and everything that we're doing now is always what we wanted to do, fashion-based. So when people call you talentless, how do you react? Oh, my gosh. No one's actually said that to me until now. But thank you. Well, you and Mikey actually said it years ago. Mikey never called you talentless. Nobody ever actually used the word talentless, but... Thank you for that. I wasn't calling you talentless. I was responding to people that do call you talentless. But I'd never heard that before until you just said it in that weird accent. Are you from Texas? I'm not from Texas. I'm actually from Liverpool. Where? That's where the Beatles are from. Is that a country? No, it's in a country called England. Oh, yeah. I know that. Now, I wasn't calling you talentless. I was responding. Then what were you saying? Responding to the thousands that do.

1:00:47I've never heard one. Millions. What do you think? You know what? You're laughing all the way to the bank. It doesn't hurt me, but... That's Chloe or Courtney. I think people that know us, that watch our show, see that we work, see that we're hard workers. I usually find the comments come from people that don't watch our show or know anything about us. Like me. They might just see us in magazines. She's right. Yes. She's actually right about that. You know, I didn't... Well, and... I never said that she was talentless. I did. But if we watch their show, what talent would we see? Marketing? Marketing. Is it talent? I mean, I wouldn't say that they're talentless. They are good at what they do. They design their store. You see them buying all the furniture and they have a good... Is it nice? Yeah. You know how easy it is to be talented with unlimited money? No, but they have to pick it, right? Right. But you have unlimited money to have people help you.

1:01:46You give me a billion dollars, I'll have the coolest thing, whatever it's going to be. that you can have. In fairness to us, we didn't have a billion dollars. How much did you have? We had half a billion dollars. Oh, okay. In fairness to them, so you said a billion. That's not fair. That's true. But it shows, I mean, it does show them working and stressing out about their companies and they're trying to expand and they're building a new one in New York right now. Maybe they're good. Maybe they pick stuff out and they're good at that. There's plenty of business owners that don't have their own reality show. Yes. All right. I'm not down with this. And the reason I'm not down with this is because Piers pulled a fast one. If you agree not to talk about something, don't talk about it. That's my take. If you say I'm not going to talk about something, don't talk about something. Unless they tell you not to talk about it and you don't say, okay. Now, if somebody says don't talk about this and you have no agreement, that's different. I know you don't want to talk about this and I'm not going to label the point. But the only interesting part of it is obviously a very intimate part of your life.

1:02:51was splattered all over the internet. I mean, 20 years ago, that wouldn't have happened. So you were the victim of this modern kind of curse of the internet, which could be very useful and a terrible enemy when it wants to be like it was with you. And I was sort of thinking, if I had been in that position that you found yourself in, apart from being appallingly invasive, it would be also very hard to then go out on the dating scene. Quietly thinking, has this guy watched it? Has that guy watched it? I mean, not a place I'd want to find myself. No, absolutely. I mean, there's this embarrassment and shame and so much that comes along with it. And I think that I was so lucky to find a boyfriend at that time in Reggie that we were together for four years, and that was something that he really helped me through. And he picked me up when I couldn't pick myself up. I bet he did. You know, and that's what my family was doing as well. So lucky to find a boyfriend. So I feel like I've dealt with it, and now I move on from it, and I don't really go there. I just happened to meet Reggie, but... She's, like, gorgeous. Stunning. It was just gigantic. Big butt. Wow. Yeah.

1:03:52She's very pretty. Very pretty. Burry and brown. Jay. Wank, wank. He's on one today. At least because it's Friday. I love it. Fridays are goofy. I want my jobs removed, please. But gigantic. That one's real random. Stupid. That one's really random. Thank you. Wank, wank. We got a text. That I love. It says, my girlfriend got me a gold necklace. I would never wear this. What do I do with this? She says it's in. M1 Steve. Yeah, it's in if your name is like Tony Montana. Pauly D. Pauly D. Situation. Yeah, if your name is Situation. James Gandolfini. If your name is Joey. Joey. Joey. Stevie. Maybe his name is Joey. Frankie. Yeah. Tommy. Maybe he's from the East Coast or she is. I'm from the East Coast. I'm not down with the gold chains. What'd you do if you got a gold chain? What if Jamie, your wife, who's here today, got you that as a gift? We have the kind of dynamic, Jamie and I do, where I could open it and be like, oh, wow, that's a gold necklace. And she'd go, you don't like it? I'd be like, yeah, no, it's not for me. We have that, though. We have that kind of deal. We do not, my wife and I. We do. We try to, you know.

1:05:21So would you wear it? Well, it's not that I don't appreciate her. You're painting me with a bed. No, no, no. We try to appreciate the gift. I appreciate the act of the gift. No, you are opposite of appreciating the gift. You are, in fact, not liking the gift. You're mocking the gift. I don't lie. I'm trying not to lie, so I'm trying to be honest with my wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not lying by saying thank you. But I won't wear it. Yeah, but then it's just wasteful. See, that's a waste of money. Gold is worth a lot these days. You're right. I would ever take it. Well, styles change. Maybe a gold necklace for a man is coming out. Yes. I know a lot of people that are into the gold necklaces. Now, granted, they all live in New Jersey. They're all drug dealers, but it's not, you know. My wife always tells me when she doesn't like the presents, I get her, which is all the time. Maybe you get something different then. I try. She even tells me what she wants and what it looks like, and I go get it, and then she's like, I've changed my mind. Well, in fairness to Kim, she's like, I want this Ralph Lauren dress, and Jay brings home a Chaps dress. It's the same damn company. What's the difference? It says Chaps. But, Mike, this guy's obviously in a situation like you to where he doesn't know what to do, so what should he do?

1:06:34What would you do? I would say... You would wear it. You don't think you would open it and go, oh, like that? I would wear it sometimes. I would wear it sometimes. No, Woods is right. I wouldn't laugh at it, but I'd be honest with her. You'd go, oh, thank you, honey. Because it was expensive, would you say, like, I just wouldn't want you to waste your money on this? No, I would not say that. I would wait a day. I wouldn't say waste your money. I would wait a day and I would say... This is garbage. Well, it's a waste if it's just going to sit in a jewelry bag. You say, can turds be returned? This thing's a real piece of ass. Can I take it back? I'd say, listen, gold has never been my thing. Is it okay if we exchange it for silver? But, babe, gold is coming in right now. That's what you don't understand. It's going to be really cool. And you're Latino. Everyone's going to like it. Trust me. Trust me. I'm a girl. I do. You know I trust you. I let you buy my shirts and my pants and all that stuff. Panties and everything. I know. So what's the problem with a gold necklace? It's coming in. Don't worry. It's going to be in all the stores. But I'm worried already. But why? Remember how you always wore those cargo shorts and you said they were cool and then I told you not to? And now you're like, oh, you're right. Remember that chain wallet that you used to wear? Yeah, I remember that.

1:07:56If I wanted you to wear cargo shorts and I was like, they're coming in for girls. You'd be like, I feel uncomfortable. It's different. I'm a girl. I know these things. You're a guy. You don't. Can I wear it? You don't buy me clothes. I buy you clothes. Okay. Can I wear it underneath my collar so that no one sees it? But why would you do that? It's cool. They'll see the back. No, they won't. They need to see it. Just leave your shirt, unbutton just a little bit. Trust me, people are going to compliment you. You're going to feel so cool and so in. Sienna, if he wore it to work, can you imagine the filleting that I would give him every morning? I'd be like, oh, look who's here. Yeah, the only thing that would be missing is like a medallion. Just like a burrito on a medallion would be perfect. Yeah, what would be great would be a gold chain with a medallion. resting on a bed of gray pubic chest hair. If there's like a little charm or something hanging from the gold chain, you're dead. You're dead? You're dead anyway. Now listen. Is there anything more hideous than gold resting on a man's gray chest hair? Like a pillow? It's as if the chest hair is a pillow for the gold chain. My dad wears one.

1:09:10So does my dad. Doesn't everyone's dad? My dad says Libra. Oh my gosh. That's not true. Why is it taking so long? Is he a swinger? The key swapping party? Is he a former adult film star? He's a dad that lives in New Jersey. Libra. He's had it for a really long time. My dad has a gold cross. I asked for it when he passes. Gold crosses. He's giving it to me. Gold crosses. I'm going to wear it. Gold crosses is not any better than Libra. M1 Randall from Poway. What was the word of the day? That's right. I said that when you get shot with a BB gun, it gives you a big red cherry. You're so sneaky. I didn't even catch that word. That's right. Hang on the line, bro. You just won yourself a pair of concert tickets to see Rush. You're also going to get a viewing of WWE's Royal Rumble January 30th from Cox Advanced TV. And you qualify for the 2011 Mountain High Season Pass, which we will give away today. You're in that drawing, so hopefully you'll have good luck. Hang on the line. So here's the story. High-profile NFL quarterback tweets something about high-profile NFL cornerback.

1:10:45Immediately has second thoughts and deletes it. Unfortunately, high-profile cornerback heard about it and responded that he is going to, quote, smash his face in. That's next. Make some noise in here with our live studio audience. Also, we'll be playing Movie Plot Hot Potato next, so you're going to either pick Sienna or you're going to be picking L.O.B. Call right now, 570-1949. Pick Sienna or L.O.B. in Movie Plot Hot Potato. Going through this thing where I really remember my dreams every single day right now. That's good. That means you're getting good sleep. Is that right? Yep. That's so fascinating because I never used to remember my dreams. It's good. Every single day I remember them now. That's a good sign? Mm-hmm. That's good? Mm-hmm. Good. Welcome back. What high-profile quarterback tweeted something about a high-profile cornerback and then...

1:13:03Had second thoughts, deleted it, and the guy found out about it and said he wanted to, quote, smash his face in. We'll tell you about that. In fact, we'll tell you about it now because it's time for Woods on Sports. Let's do a little Woods on Sports. Thank you to Denny's who brought us some delicious food today. Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Frank's Red Hot. The Farmers Invitational is in town here in San Diego at Torrey Pines. There's a gentleman, been in the news, you guys might have heard him, Tiger Woods. I know that guy. He had a really good round. He did? Really good round. Started with a 69, really? Come on, out with it. 69, five strokes. He is behind five strokes. Shoots a great round, under par, five strokes. The leader is Sung Hoon Kang. Well done. At eight under, South Korean rookie. Tiger Woods.

1:14:11Looks like the Tiger Woods of old. And here he is talking about, he's either talking about his swing or his lovemaking. You tell me. It feels good. It feels good. Obviously, we still need more work. It's progressing, which is good. And, you know, this offseason was nice. We were able to really concentrate, do some work, do a lot of talking about the swing mechanics and the feels and where I need to go and where I've been. And it's been good. You tell me. He was talking about a swing. Are you sure? It's golf. Yeah. I don't know about that. Golf. Well, also, the Pittsburgh Steelers are in preparation to play the – oh, my God, I just blanked. Packers. The Packers on the Super Bowl in Dallas, Texas. You made me blank, too. I totally did. I'm nervous. My wife's watching me. So they were talking to Heinz Ward, and Heinz Ward kind of made me mad when he said this cut, too.

1:15:06I'm blessed to play going into my third Super Bowl, and we're 2-0. So if we win it, you win three Super Bowls, I just saw Michael Irvin today. I mean, you're in that category with guys like that. So it's definitely be big for me personally. Yeah, he couldn't be Michael Irvin if he took the time machine back to when Michael Irvin's mom gave birth, crawled inside of her womb, and was given born by Michael Irvin's mother. He couldn't be Michael Irvin if he tried. If he tried, he couldn't be Michael Irvin. Cecil Newton, Cam Newton's father, back in the news, he has been scheduling workouts for his son Cam. Now, they are here in San Diego. The workouts are going to be... San Diego. Oh, yeah, yeah. Cam's going to be here putting on a show with his quarterbacks coach for Pro Scouts. It's going to be February 10th. Anybody knows where it is? Maybe let the kid know. I want to go watch this thing. LOB will accompany me, I'm sure. I'll take notes. Yeah, she'll give you a Google map to it. Be a scribe. And she'll probably take pictures, too. You know, just to see the mechanics. Yeah. Well, this is the story that I wanted to get to.

1:16:16Antonio Cromartie has been in the news a lot lately. It started during the playoffs when he came out and he said Tom Brady is an a-hole and just really ran mouth and cursed at him and just said he said terrible things about Tom Brady. Well, then earlier in the week he said this about the disagreement between the... No? No, I haven't. Oh, perfect. Well, it should be in there. I don't have it. The third cut? Nope. I got Woods and Hines and that's it. That's great. Banner Day in sports today. Oh, no. God bless. About to spin out. Basically, Cromartie came out earlier in the week. He was talking about the CBA, the collective bargaining agreement, and he was talking about the player rep and the commissioner and how the sides are not meeting. Call them both a-holes. Everybody's acting like a-holes. Everybody needs to get their ass together. That's basically the gist of his quote. Now, Matt Hasselbeck, he's the quarterback for the Seahawks, goes on Twitter and says, Somebody asked Cromartie if he even knows what CBA stands for. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. It's bad. He quickly removed the tweet because he probably knew, I shouldn't say that. I shouldn't say that. Cromartie saw it, responds. Hey, Matt, if you have something to say, be a man about it. Don't erase it. I will smash.

1:17:32Your face is. Well, what's with all the big, bad football players getting on Twitter anyway? I know. Internet tough guys. Internet tough guys. The difference is these guys are actually tough guys. Yeah, that's true. And they'll mess you up. So Antonio Cromartie, he's really, really mad. Hasselbeck responded, sorry for the joke, man. No hard feelings. DBs and QBs have a hard time getting along, I guess, sometimes. Lol. I was going to say, did he LOL it? I tweeted Matt Hasselbeck. I sure did. I tweeted him. I tweeted him. You know what I told him? Oh, boy. I said, I don't think Antonio Cromartie is lolling. Watch your back next year. Whoa. I wasn't threatening him. I was just saying, watch your back. He's going to get you. What? You did? Yes. You didn't see it? I did. I tweeted Hasselbeck. I tweet everybody. It's fun. I've never tweeted the famous person. Oh, I do all the time. No, Bob Saget. I got a response, not from Hasselbeck, but I got a response from Ozzy Guillen's kid the other day. That's really great. You worry about yourself. Wow. Yeah, it's fun. I was just going to say the same thing to you. You.

1:18:50You tweeted Matt Hasselbeck? Yeah. Do you have Anthony Cromartie's back now? No, I don't. I'm saying I don't think he's lolling. He's not laughing about it. You said watch your back. Yes, watch your back next year. Are you part of his squad? I wasn't saying it because I'm on Antonio Cromartie's side. I'm saying it like I don't think he's kidding. This dude's insane. He's got 17 mouths to feed. Yeah. Hasselback, hey, Hasselback probably got your tweet, and he's probably like, yeah, man, the guy's right. Smart guy, Steven Woods. Now, if I had asked him to join Be Different, you'd be all for it, but I didn't. Yeah, because that would have been nice. I'm just warning the guy. He needs to watch his back. Yeah, because if you hadn't warned him. He wouldn't have. He wouldn't have watched his back. Exactly. Thank you. Now I get it. You finally get it. I get a kick out of him. I follow Woods on Twitter. And when I see the little things that he sends out to celebrities, I get a kick out of him. You throw nothing against the wall, something's going to stick. 100%. Someday they're going to write back and be like, you're a pretty funny dude. We should hang out. You never know what will happen. Keep dreaming, buddy. Oh, gosh. Wow. Thank you. Wow.

1:19:59Let's do a little movie plot hot potato. 570-1949. Now I'm nervous. I'll get the ball. M1AK from Point Loma. Who do you want? I will take L-O-B. There you go. And M1 Frankie from Encinitas. Who do you want? I'm going to take Woodsy. Really? Yeah. Well, you can't. You can't, Frankie. You're Sienna. You did that on purpose, you jerk. Hang in line. All right, so today is very different. The girls are playing Movie Plot Hot Potato. We need a ball. We're getting it. Can I go on your mic? Yeah. So the way that Movie Plot Hot Potato works is that they hold a ball in their hands, and they're going to go back and forth describing the plot of a movie to me. And I've got to guess what the movie is. As soon as I guess what the movie is, they can get rid of that ball. Toss it to the other. The person who's holding the ball when the buzzer goes off is the loser. And that person must take a BB. Do not try this at home. To the tush. We're grown adults. Are you guys ready? I'm nervous. I don't think I've ever been so nervous. I don't know why. I wasn't nervous until I stood up. I know.

1:21:12Our prize today is WWE's Royal Rumble January 30th pay-per-view on Cox Advanced TV. There you go. You girls ready? Yep. All right, here we go. Jim Carrey. He looks for lost animals. Oh, oh, Pet Detective. Yeah, Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. Okay, it's John Travolta and Nick Cage. They're both bad actors, and they're like... Broken Arrow. No, we talked about it yesterday. They go against each other. They're like... Face-off. Yep. Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling in a love story. Everyone cries at the end. Old people die together on the same page. Oh, The Notebook. Molly Ringwald. She's a nerd. She's going to the prom. Sixteen Candles. No, the other one. Pretty in Pink. Yep. Tom Hanks talks about a box of chocolates. Oh, Forrest Gump. And he goes for a really long run. Brad Pitt has a weird accent. Snatch. A boy who has a dream to go play Notre Dame football. Rudy. Christopher Nolan movie about dreams. Inception. Tim Robbins is in jail with Morgan Freeman.

1:22:11Redemption. What is it? It starts with an R. No, I'm freaking out. It doesn't. What is it? Shawshank Redemption. Shawshank Redemption. It starts with an R. Bring it. Shawshank Redemption. I don't want to shoot Sienna. Shawshank Redemption. You can do it. Sienna! I don't want to see you there. You have to do it. I'm sorry. I sound like Karen in Goodfellas. I'm sorry. Assume the position. Sienna is assuming the position. Here we go, Sienna. Why isn't L.O.B. She doesn't want to. She wants L.O.B. to. I feel that. I'll do it. She wants L.O.B. to do it. L.O.B. is doing it now. You know where to point L.O.B.?

1:23:12Do you know how to do this? That goes against your shoulder. Hey, do you know how to aim, though? Yeah, you showed me last time. Okay, okay. Here she goes. Nothing came out. No, it's fired. No, it doesn't. Yeah, it's like, oh, good. It's over. The gun didn't fire. No, it didn't. Here we go. Do I clench my butt cheeks? Yeah. Inception. Good enough. Yeah, it hit the light material. Very weak. I know. Woods wants more. I got her. Yeah, you shot the light material. I saw her shirt move. It hit her shirt. He shot her shoe off. You guys, I took it twice and then it went in my boot. Here's the bullet. Or the BB, I guess. She took a BB. She took a BB. Why do you guys want me to be in paint? I know, because we're guys. I took it twice. I'm calling BS on a long cloak she had on to hang down the table. It's a sweater that covers my butt because I'm wearing leggings. I took one in the bare gut. The winner? Oh my gosh, you're so manly. M1AK from Point Loma, congratulations. Lovely. Hang on the line. Hang on the line. Okay, so this was Conan O'Brien last night talking about Obama and the kill switch.

1:24:40This is weird. Speaking of the Internet, Congress is proposing a bill that would give President Obama a kill switch that he could use to freeze all activity on the Internet if there was a national emergency. Yeah. Yeah, the kill switch goes by the top secret code name Microsoft Windows. Pretty good. Let's see. There was an Olympic gold medalist that lives in Oceanside, and his house got burglarized. It's a girl. It's a girl? Yeah, she did a sport called woman's skeleton, which is like a headfirst sledding competition. There's an Olympic sport called skeleton? Woman's skeleton, yeah. Women's skeleton. You don't even see the frame of the sled. I did it. They're laying down on it. I built it. And it's just their body basically laying down headfirst. I created it. Wow. And they fly. Go down like a luge. It's like a luge, but nothing. It's really nothing. Right. Well, she won a gold medal in this a few years ago, and she went on a walk, walked her dog on Wednesday. Her name is Tristan Gale, and her husband, who was a Marine Corps pilot who was stationed at Camp Pendleton, was gone, and also her roommate who was a Marine pilot. Someone broke into their house and took the gold medal in her ring, her Olympic ring. Oh, no. When she came home, she saw someone was in there, and so, yeah. It's awful. Isn't that awful? It is awful. Well, you would assume that person's going to try to pawn it or something, right? I don't know.

1:26:03Who wants someone else's medal? What do you do with it? Because if you take it anywhere, they're going to be like, it's an Olympic gold medal. Hey, can you melt this down? They're like, no, we can't. It's some big fat guy walks in with it. It was in a display box and everything, and they took it out. That's awful. Have you guys heard about this MTV show, Skins? Very controversial. A bunch of advertisers are dropping out. It's become very controversial. Oh, is that now? Okay, cool. We have an interview that I was going to promote to you in a little bit, but we have it now. And it's really, really cool. You guys know I am a big fan of 48 Hour Mystery. Oh, yeah. And this one is real good. Now, the thing is, is that we've only got a couple of minutes. I don't know how we're going to do this. How are we going to do this, Jay? Because we've only got a couple of minutes, and I want to get into this. Yeah, well, let me talk to him real quick. It says we have eight minutes with him, basically. Then let me break now. Okay. Well, why don't we go ahead and do him, and then we'll just break it. Then we'll break. Then we'll probably just interview him. Okay. I'm going to do it slowly. Just interview him. Richard, are you there? I am. Richard.

1:27:19time in the world. Very nice. Richard Schlesinger is a correspondent for 48 Hours. 48 Hour Mystery is on tomorrow night. And here's the deal. These are always the most compelling stories to me. And this one is one of the creepier ones. Yeah, well, it's the first one I've ever done where the victim of a murder helped solve the crime. This is the story of a woman named Kathy McNaughton who lived outside of Atlanta, a very successful woman with a good family, married to a former lawyer. You know, everything on the outside anyway was looking pretty good. She was found by her husband, stabbed to death in her house one night. On Valentine's Day. Day after Valentine's Day. Day after Valentine's Day. They had just celebrated Valentine's Day a day late, though, because she had been out of town on Valentine's Day. So that morning... They exchanged Valentine's Day cards, which you'll see in the broadcast. And that evening, she was dead in what... You know, I always hate the term brutal murder because, like, what murder isn't brutal? But this one was particularly bloody and awful. She'd been stabbed more than 30 times. I mean, this was a very bad crime. Now, when you... I am a...

1:28:43guy that has watched a lot of true crime stuff, read a lot of true crime books. One thing that you know when somebody is stabbed that many times is that it's a very personal crime. Right. It's a very personal crime of rage. Right. And that's important in all these cases. So here's what the police were faced with, right? They had this incredibly violent personal-style crime, right? And the husband, who is always the first... suspect, right? But they've got no physical evidence against him. He's being cooperative, telling them where he was, locks himself into a timeline even that they can go check, right? He was with his mother, wasn't he? Well, yeah. I mean, yeah, he called from his mother's. He said he was up there and, you know, told them when he left and did all this stuff, right? So then it turns out she's got an ex-husband who had moved

1:29:41to Texas, but who happened to be in town that day. And it gets weird here because the ex-husband had rented a silver car, right? A silver car is seen leaving the scene of the murder, except it turns out that Alec McNaughton, Kathy McNaughton's husband, who's also a suspect, also has a silver car. So they've got two guys, two alibis. They're off to the races, right, trying to figure out what was going on. So I'm trying to figure out how to tell you what happened without really telling you because, you know, we want it to unfold in front of you. You know what? I can tell you this, Richard, and we're talking to Richard Schlesinger, who is the correspondent from 48 Hour Mystery. I've read this material that you sent me. Right. Don't call everybody. Well, here's the thing, though. And let me ask you. I'll just ask you. I've read it. Yeah. I want to see it 50 billion times more now from reading it. Yeah. I don't feel like saying what I'm reading here is giving away too much because. All right. Well, let me give you a little bit more. Go ahead. So what happened was the husband said that he was at his mother's house at two.

1:31:022.30 in the afternoon. That's important because they think that she was killed somewhere around 1 or so, and he had said that he left home at noon. So if he's telling the truth, he can't have done it, right? So he calls from his mother's house at 2.30, leaves a message saying, Hi, honey, I'm at Mom's, which is an hour away. Actually, cell phone records show, right, that the signal bounced off a It's called Tower 309, which was about two miles from his home, 40 miles from his mother's house. All right, so now what does that prove, right? So a lot of people think that that's an open and shut, you know, he did it. Except, you know, he says that the phone records can be wrong. They've been wrong before. So, you know, there's that problem. But what really broke this case was the murderer made one critical mistake.

1:32:03And I'm not going to tell you what that is. He made one mistake that's very dumb, that he should have known better. Had he not made it, it would have been a very difficult case to prosecute. So with the help of that mistake and the fact that Kathy McNaughton had suspected, I think, that she was going to be either killed or attacked and had started gathering evidence against the guy who she thought would do it, this case might well not have been solved. And I'll tell you this. How often does that happen, right? You get help from the victim of a murder to solve the case. And without saying what it was, the way that she decided that she was going to do that, she did it in a very interesting and clever way. I mean, that I'll tell you. She had pictures taken. She instigated bank records. She took notes. I mean, this woman was smart. She was going to build a case just in case something happened. So can you imagine the cops, right? The crime scene, and they're looking around, and they go into the closet, and they find this box full of all this stuff that helps them in their case, to the point where the prosecutor said in court, he said, this is the first case in my entire career where the victim has spoken from the grave. Yeah. I mean, it's true. Yeah. I mean, it sounds like some soap opera line or something, but in this case, it's true. This thing.

1:33:31as I was reading through it, has so many twists and turns. Yeah. And can I tell you, you're just reading a press release. You've got to see this. Yeah, yeah. See the people. Just reading it, just reading it as I was going through it, I'm like, who did this? Who did this? You know it's one of these two men. Yeah. You know it's one of these two men, or is it? You also know that this woman that was stabbed over 30 times in her house didn't really have a lot of people that had a motive to kill her. Yeah, she was incredibly popular. She wasn't, she was, you know, I call her in the piece the most unlikely victim. I mean, she had none of the, a lot of these cases of violence of this nature are women who are not, you know, who are dependent on other people, who are, you know, weak and not strong willed. This was a woman who... had one successful career, was working on another successful career, had money, had family, had a support system, had everything going. And she was no dummy. It's a fascinating story. And if you've never seen 48-Hour Mystery, it's like you can't turn away from it. Well, it's because we have the luxury of time. First of all, we can spend a lot of time reporting the stories.

1:34:53on the air to let it unfold. And boy, does this case ever unfold before your eyes. Richard, does it creep you out doing these things? Because, I mean, I'm guessing you get really close to it. Oh, yeah. No, some of them creep me out. Not so much anymore because I've been doing it for so long. It's not so much creepy. It's just, you know, you're trying to figure out, okay, so is this guy telling me the truth? Is this lady lying? Because they interview them. They'll be sitting right in front of you. Yeah, yeah. Which is very different than watching them on TV. You get a real sense of what kind of person you're dealing with. So, I mean, I'm not really, I'm never afraid. I haven't been afraid of any of this stuff. Yeah. Because, you know, they're not going to come after me while cameras are rolling. Right. No, they'll wait until the cameras are off. Right. Right. That's a lot, yeah. Richard Schlesinger, he is a correspondent for 48 Hours. He contributes to CBS Evening News with Katie Couric and other stuff. And he's the guy that does his story for 48 Hour Mystery. And it's really, really good. It's airing tomorrow night at 10 o'clock. And I never miss it. I never miss it. It's so good. Let me know what you think of this one. Oh, I will. Thank you very much, Richard. We appreciate it. You bet. Thanks for having me on. You got it. One of the other things that's so...

1:36:12creepy about this show they'll you know it's always a crime and they will at times be interviewing both people that are suspects and you know that one of them is the deal well they're both dressed in regular clothes yeah and you're thinking you're like he's not in prison you know he's not in prison yeah he's not in prison then at the very end of the show they pan back and for the interview they allowed him to wear like a shirt yeah But he's handcuffed. They pull the camera back, he's handcuffed, and he's sitting in a cafeteria in jail, in prison. It's so weird because they interviewed family members. All the family members talk about how they felt and what was going on. It's so strange. But the thing that is the most compelling about this show is that you don't know what... happened until the very end of the show. And it could be anybody. And this is one of the creepier ones. So it's a good one. It's tomorrow night. So when we come back, we got so much stuff left for you in here. Make some noise if you're in here with a live studio audience. Got an interesting email we want to read for you. You know, Ricky Gervais used to play the role of Michael Scott in the British version of The Office. Well, he actually did a cameo on The Office as that character that he plays.

1:37:32on The Office for England. It's pretty funny. We'll do that for you, too. Stick around. A lot coming up. I mean, he's so juvenile. What does he mean? I don't know. I don't either. Do it in slow motion. What does he mean? I like it like that. She working that back. I don't know how to act. Oh, I know what that is. She's dancing. It's about a massage. Oh, she's working that back. I got it. He got a massage. I'm Mikey. It's sexy. Wink, wink. Frank, Frank. I'm going to say happy birthday to Sagey. What? Sagey's five months old today. Yeah. Yeah. Congratulations. Happy five months. Five months ago today? Yeah. Would you like to know that starting this week, she can sit up for like five minutes on her own. Nice. Thank you.

1:39:27Lost audio. Helen Keller singing to her child. Yes, years and years ago. It's on vinyl. Jane was there, actually. She likes when I sing like that because it makes her laugh. Right, right. Todd in the background. Harmonizing. I do that all day long. Yeah, I do it all the time. I think I'm crazy. I'll be in my car and I'll go, that's my thing, that's my thing. I sing it maybe 30 times a day. Wait, it's moved on now, right? She's getting big and tall. Oh, my God. I don't sing like that in real life, just so you know. I sing all right.

1:40:37570-1949. Cold. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I am 40 years of age. Woodsy is our sports guy. He's 35. Much hated sports guy today. Much hated. Who's hating it? All kinds of people. People getting you on the internet? Oh, yeah. The internet's are blowing up. About what? Mike Irvin and Heinz Ward. I love the Steelers. And if you don't like them, then you're a hater. You have to know when you throw a comment out like that. If you don't like my team, you're a hater. You know who doesn't get hated on the internets? Who? The guy that doesn't. Throw chum in the water? I like to chum the water sometimes. Leave me alone. You chum. Real good. Real good. And you're going to dish it out, pal. Oh, I can take it. You know that. I'm just joking. It's just a joke, people. I was just joking. People in glass houses. People, I was joking. It's just a joke. Don't you know a joke when you hear one? No, apparently you do not. An M1 is a Mikey Show listener. When you call in, you turn your radio down, get to the point, and don't cuss. A Mikey Show listener listens to the Mikey Show.

1:41:43in their car, on the radio, or if they're at work, they listen to The Mikey Show on their radio. We love when you do that. You don't need to sign up to be an M1. That's right. No registration required. If you like us, you're an M1. That's right. There is no requirement for it. I like M1s. They're nice. 570-1949. Want to remind people that we have... Today, our article in the UT is out. Yeah. So the article on the Mikey Show is in the San Diego Union Tribune today. And so if you would like to see it, it's in the night and day section, right? And we have also put it on Facebook. So if you go to our Facebook page, facebook.com slash Mikey Show, you can also see it there. We made sure that we put it there. In a little while, Woods does not send forwards very often. In fact, in the 10 years that I've known him, maybe one time have I ever received a foreword from Woods. He sent me one yesterday that's probably one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I haven't looked at it yet. I looked at it this morning. It's pretty good. And so I will be filling you in on that in just a moment. So stick around for that. Mikey Show, who's this? Hello, this is Fruitcake. Yes, this is Gay Neck on the line. Hello?

1:43:08I was calling the Mikey show. Right, I was calling the Mikey show too. Why are you on the phone? Why are you on the freaking phone? Why are you on the freaking phone? How did you guys get on the phone together? You crossed. You crossed. Is this a joke, Jay? Are you pranking me? I'm not pranking you. Are you pranking me? I'm not pranking you. Okay, you guys. You're both on. Fruitcake, Gay Nick, calm down. You're both on the line on the Mikey show. You're on the air right now. Just tell people that my... I just want people to know. Your real name is Gaylord Nick. I know it's a fabulous name, by the way. Gay for sure. It's a Dutch name. Great. It's awesome. It's a Dutch oven. Oh, my goodness. You are so tough, Mara. So crap. Fruitcake is an actual fruitcake calling from the grocery store because he wasn't sold around Christmas time. I've been there since 1974. You're calling from Bond. Oh, keep running, mouth. Really? Keep running, mouth. Really? Why don't you step off? Why don't you keep running? All right, all right. You guys are getting... Very catty again. Every time you guys fight, why? You know, I don't pick any fight with him, but every time I... Don't you? No, I... Don't you gaylord? Rare. You're such a gaylord. Excuse me? You heard me. Fruitcake, that's just his name. Great, fabulous name. Your name is Fruitcake. Yeah, I am a freaking fruitcake. What do you want? Well, he's a gaylord. I'm a real fruitcake. I have cherries and nuts and the whole thing. I understand that, but you can be a fruitcake and actually have a name. Yeah, my name is Fruit...

1:44:35Oh, my gosh. How original. It's like having... Gay Nick. That's the real original. It is. My name is Gaylord. I'm Dutch. All right, you guys. Last time this happened, I put you to the test, and I'm going to do it again because there was a tie last time. Are you ready? I'll take this little beat. Let's see. Oh. Not really. Trust me. Get ready to lose. Let's see who's more superior. I'm superior, and I taste better. I have a little trivia for you. Are you both ready? Yes. Fruitcake and Gay Nick. Yes. How does it work? Okay, I'm just going to, we played before, but I'm just going to say something and you try and come up with the answer. He's not real bright. He smokes a lot of marijuana. Oh, really? He's not very popular. He's been on the shelf since 1974. True. It's like trivia, and I'm going to start, and so whoever gives me the answer first will win this game. Done. Okay. This famous diver. Greg will get it. It was a tie. Fine. All right. This is a totally different kind. That's a question here. How many licks? Touch me, pops! Oh, wow. You guys are quick. All right, all right. Tied. Two for two. You guys are tied. Okay. This famous pop star could be... Justin Bieber! Oh, you're the worst. This famous singer has recently... Vanessa Carlson! I think he got me on that one. Did you both say Vanessa Carlson? We did, but I did not. Okay, one gay Nick. I'm going to write this down. One gay Nick.

1:46:00Gay Nick has won. Fruitcake. Well, you guys are tied. Okay. This Modern Family star. Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Wow. I think I got you. I think I got you. That was a tie. Yeah. This. Wow. That was another tie. Fruitcake, you're behind. That wouldn't be anything new. Okay. Once a member of NSYNC. Oh. You're so smart. These designers. I think Fruitcake might have gotten that one. All right, you guys. Now you're definitely tied here. All right. He played an underage dog. Neil Patrick Harris. Fruitcake. No, it's a tie. He got Neil out first, but you finished Harris. He got Neil, that's for sure. Oh, really? You're so clever. All right, we'll say you're still tied. He went on to star in Neil Patrick Harris.

1:47:01His cameo in Harold. This product. Oscar Mayer Wiener. Gay. You got me on that one. Where are you? I have one more. A tiger won. I could find you in. You got the one Oscar Mayer Wiener. Somebody come buy me and eat me. Nobody wants you. Get off the line. You're awful. understand that guy. Why do you let him on the air, Diana? What do you mean? He's a nice guy. He's talented. He's not even a guy. He's just a cake. That's true. He's a cake. Somebody walked up to me yesterday and said, I hate the way that you fight with fruitcake. You're a cakeist. Oh, you are a cakeist. You are a little bit of a cakeist. You're acting like a cakeist. And I was all, and he was all, and she was all, and I was all, and he was all, and she was all, and I was all.

1:47:59Oh, he didn't say love your faces. I know. Isn't that usually what he says? He usually does. He's mad. Maybe he is mad. He's lost. 570-194-9 is our number. I have an email for you. Oh, wow. But before I do, I want to read these to you because Woodsy sent these. These are pretty good. Now, Woodsy and L.O.B. both have BlackBerry. Sienna and I both have iPhone. With the BlackBerry, does it do auto spell correct? I turned it off. You turned it off. As did I. Okay. Well, with the iPhone, you have the auto spell correct, and maybe you can turn it off, but I don't. It's there. So sometimes when you're typing something on the iPhone, it will change it, and you don't notice, and you'll just press send. And I can't tell you how many times I've said to my wife, hi, John, when what I'm really saying is hi, hon. Love you, John. Love you, John. She's like, babe, do we need to have a talk? And she said, who's J-O-N? So anyway, Woods had this and sent it to me. It's from damnyouautocorrect.com. And all it is is screenshots of actual phones that have had some pretty good autocorrect stuff on it.

1:49:25This one says, be home soon. Do you want anything from Whore Foods? Wow. I do. And the person writes back, if you're at Whore Foods, I'll take something tall and blonde. But if you're at Whole Foods, I'll take some peanut butter. This next one happened at 7.40 p.m. And it says, what does Megan want for her birthday? And the person responded, Get her the skin graft set. So the person wrote back, is she Hannibal Lecter now? And the person wrote back, LOL, I meant the skin care set. We talked about from Macy's and the person responded, put the lotion in the basket. It's pretty good. How about this one? From a father to his son. Your mom and I. are going to divorce next month. Who sent that in a text message? I know. And the son writes back, what? Why? Call me, please. And the father types back, I wrote Disneyland and this phone changed it. We are going to Disneyland next month. Poor kid. His gut just drops in. What? Why would you text me that? You texted me that? Who texted that?

1:50:54How about this one from Courtney? She says, I'm at my holiday party. Woo-hoo. Feces Navidad. And the person wrote back, wow, talk about a party pooper. Very clever little conversation. It was. The person wrote back, I meant Feliz Navidad. Whoops. And the person wrote back, festive. Some of these I can't read on here. This one says, hey, what are you up to? And the person writes, not much. I'm just defecating outside. Oh, my gosh. Wow. The person wrote back, ooh, why? Are your toilets broken? And they wrote back, no, they're fine. I'm decorating outside. Christmas lights. Ha ha, good. I was starting to worry. Let's see. I think I have one more. I have one more that's readable on the air. Some of them are dirty. I have two more that I can read on the air. This one from Michelle says, I just wanted to say I love you. And her boyfriend responded back, oh, babe, I love you too so much. If I could, I'd buy you a casket. And then they wrote back.

1:52:17A castle. Damn autocorrect. Way to ruin a moment. I definitely do not want you in a casket. Just to clarify. And then, hello? Because they never wrote back. And the last one's from Sasha. It says, I miss you. Are you coming to bed soon? And he wrote back, yes. Coking up in one sec. Oh, my God. You won't be going to bed anytime soon. And she wrote back, coking up? Wow. What are you, Lindsay Lohan? He wrote back, sorry, babe. Coming up, not coking up. There will be no coke. But I love that. They're so great. It's like you and Rebecca texting downstairs. I was thinking that. It's true.

1:53:17Speaking of that, where is my phone? I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I did this. Me? Not you. Oh, great. Hey, we need a break. I know we do. Oh, are we that late? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Fine. All right, I'll play it for you. Pretty good. Oh, wait. I got a cool game to play. Let's do a retro rewind. What do we have as a prize that we could give away, James? I have another WWE Royal Rumble January 30th pay-per-view from Cox Advance TV. There you go. All right. Let's do this. You told me that this sucker is nuclear. Are we going to blast you the past? It's an 80s song played backwards. All you have to do is tell us what it was. 570-1949.

1:54:40And you will win. See if we've got somebody with an answer to the retro. We rewind in just a second. What's going on in the news? Well, there's going to be a new high tech system to track graffiti and all the individual taggers that have been all over San Diego recently. Not really recently. It's just gotten worse. Tigers? Taggers. Taggers. Did I say tiger? It wasn't. Tigers. Tigers. I'm saying it. Tigers. There's been tigers all over town. Fans, too. They first used this in this system. It's a GPS-based graffiti tracker that takes pictures of the people and enters it into a database. They tried it in Escondido. It works. Now it's going to be all over San Diego, Carlsbad, Chula Vista, Coronado, all over. So if you're a tagger, be careful. You're going to get caught. Also, Nelson Mandela was discharged from a South African hospital. This morning, he was in there for...

1:55:48an acute respiratory infection, so he's doing better. 92 years old, Nelson Mandela. And real quick, the U.S. Border Patrol found a medieval catapult, which they were using at the border near Arizona to shoot drugs over the border with a catapult. Yes, they seized 45 pounds of weed, a sports utility vehicle, and a metal-framed catapult. I know how to build a catapult. I built many. That's mine. I've been looking for that. I actually built them in medieval times. I was a not. Let's see. We got M1 Ninja from Claremont on the line. Ninja, what was the retro rewind? The Retro Rewind was Phil Collins' Don't Lose My Number. That is correct. What does she win, Jay? She gets the WWE Royal Rumble January 30th pay-per-view from Cox. There you go. Hang on the line. There you go. Happy Friday.

1:57:00Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Eagles wide receiver Deshaun Jackson, L.O.B., and Raiders cornerback Nnamdi Asamoah have pulled out of the Pro Bowl for medical reasons. They will be replaced by Miles Austin from the Dallas Cowboys and Champ Bailey from the Denver Broncos. There you go. And the NBA All-Star Game starters have been revealed. How many white guys? Three. Zero. Nine black dudes and a Chinese guy. Wow. Yeah. So Dwayne Wade, Derrick Rose, LeBron James, Amari Stoudemire, Dwight Howard, Kobe Bryant, Chris Paul, Carmelo Anthony, Kevin Durant, and Yao Ming are your starters for the All-Star Game. Just another Friday night for LLB. That is true. Does the Chinese guy play the ukulele? Yeah. LLB's like, I'm in heaven! Okay, so... Ukulele. Ukulele. Ukulele. There is a kind of a long-running joke that... My wife and I, she's downstairs, I'm upstairs. And when we are trying to communicate, sometimes we text each other or call one another. Sometimes? Yeah, it's not really a joke. It's more like a true fact. It's a way of life. I guess it's a fact. Yeah, I guess it's factual that we do that. Communication method. Yeah. Now, I have considered walkie-talkies. That would be awesome.

1:58:29What's the intercom system? Yeah. Do you guys have an intercom? No. You should. It's a normal house. It's not like a mansion. It's upstairs, downstairs. You've got to get out of bed for the intercom. Not if you put one by your bed. Why don't you just stand up and walk to the top of the stairs and say, hey, babe. Yeah. Babe! He does that, too. Well, it's harder for her because she's got the kids down there and stuff, and I don't answer the phone. I know. My dad does the same bit. You mean the house phone? Yeah. Or your cell phone. Yeah, my dad does not ever answer the house phone. I don't answer the cell phone either. No. To Woods' defense. It's awesome. But I call back. It's fun. Yeah, it's great. I do call back, though. 24 hours later. Maybe. So this was a message from my friend CB that I thought was serious. And it wasn't. He was just joking because of this whole upstairs-downstairs thing. but I thought he was serious. Here we go. Oh, whoa, that's not it. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You know what that's about? Your wiener. Have you seen my wiener? It's about the cushions. Oh, my gosh. All right, here we go. You ready? Hey, buddy, it's Chris. It's about 526, my time. A little bit after midnight, I'm afraid it was a little...

2:00:07late on your coast. Talk to your wife a little bit, but she was all the way downstairs. Told me I'd actually call your phone to talk to you to get stuff out. I know it's a large house. There's plenty of room to separate and just you guys are in life. I'm serious. Just to take that up for steps. Do you have a walk downstairs every now and then? How's your day? So, you already gave me an earphone. Alright, anything you need, man. Time of day, even as late as it is. You can tell he's joking. I didn't. Now, 6pm, he says. I thought when he said the 6 o'clock thing that it's because he knows I go to bed at 6. But he says there's no one on the roads at 6. I'll be right there. Obviously, it's like high traffic time. It is, right? Yes! People are going home from work. Still rush hour. I wish I could read you the emails because I wrote Rebecca the next morning.

2:02:00No, you didn't. You want me to find it? Based on that. Oh, boy. This is one of your best friends and you couldn't read him? No, I thought he was being serious because he was like, you know. Didn't crack a smile. He delivered it so seriously. Deadpan, dude. Yeah. I mean, I bought it. I bought it. Dude, I bought it. Until the end. No way. I bought it. I know Chris. And I was like, that's just kind of how he is. And he could be calling about something serious, which. It was, but he could also work in a joke because that's how he is. He could also be like, hey man, if you got to call me, I know you can call me at 630. Okay. He could work in a joke to something very serious. But here's the deal. Oh my God. The deal is, is that it's one of those things where, you know, you really can separate because, you know, you don't see each other very, you know, like you're working, your schedules are different. And I'm like, oh wow. You know, like. Oh, wow. Not only does he think that my marriage is falling apart, but apparently my wife does too. Yeah, and is telling people about it. You know, well, she's confiding in a good friend. Right. You know, she's like, you know, maybe she's confided in a friend. And that was, you know, so I wrote her. Would you like to hear it? Yeah. Oh, my. I can't believe any of this. This is insane. I know. Mikey, I do it too. I do it to Jamie. I text her from the bed.

2:03:26Oh, it wasn't bad. I do it all the time. It wasn't bad. What I wrote was not bad. It was really good. What was Tuesday's date? 26th. The 25th. 25th. 25th. Okay, here we go. Here we go. You ever just look for something? Live on the air. Live on the radio. Kind of like my audio in sports. Not there. Have a way of disappearing around here. Yeah, they sure do. Time to time. Just like the Sharpies and the red pens. Yep. Okay. I can't find it. Can't you search Rebecca? I did. There'll be a million in there. Babe, get the different coffee. Babe, get the half and a half creamer. Babe, I need my iPhone fixed. Babe. It's true. Turn down the volume. Turn down the TV. Babe.

2:04:30What are we doing this weekend? Babe, make a reservation. Babe, do you like pample moose? I'm going to go on for days. Where's my tall sippy cup? Babe, bring me my sippy. It's true. You're going to find it right when we get off the air and it's going to drive me nuts. I know it. I know it. Sienna is coming out of her skin right now. I'm like, find it, Mike. This is messing us up. Stick to the schedule. She's coming out of her skin. Yeah. Not only was this not on the schedule. Right. But now this is happening. Now it's happening. Well, let me. 847. Let me just tell you what it said. Okay. I wrote her and I was like, hey, am I doing okay? You know, am I doing all right? Am I spending enough time? You know, like I know I've been trying with the kids and blah, blah, blah. I said, you know, Chris left a message and said. Oh, my God. You know, he got an earful and I'm just really. How long was this email? A couple paragraphs? A couple paragraphs. And she writes back and she's like, babe, I have no idea. She's like, she goes, I talked to him. It was like a five second conversation. I told him you were upstairs. Call your cell phone. You know, she goes, I had the kids in my hands and I was like dealing with the kids and trying to give them dinner and everything. And I'm like.

2:05:50Well, how long did you actually talk? She goes, we talked like a couple of minutes. And I'm like, well, what did you guys talk about? She's like, well, we talked about like, you know how. This is all through email. Yeah. No, no, no. Okay. By this time I'd called her, you know. Didn't just go downstairs. No, because I was at work. I got his message at 1.30 in the morning when I woke up. So she was sound asleep. Yeah, so she was asleep. Oh, no. And so, you know, I wrote her that email, come into work, get the email from her saying, no, you know, nothing that I know of. So I call her after work. I'm like, what do you think? And she's like, I don't know. I don't know what I could have said. You know, I'm not sure. And so I call him and I leave him a message and I go, I'm 98% sure that you were serious. But the 2% chance that you were messing around. I'm not sure. And I'm also not sure if you've taken up smoking marijuana. And so he calls me back right away. He's like, dude, six o'clock at night. I'll be there for you. He's like, you couldn't figure that out. I'm like, couldn't figure it out. That's a little weird. Sometimes a little.

2:07:19You guys want to do, is there anything better? Yeah. This time it's going to be a little bit different. We're going to do, is there anything worse than, which is actually kind of fun too. Is there anything worse than, you can call with these 570-1949. Is there anything worse than an album not living up to the old stuff? The new album doesn't live up to the old stuff. Do you know what I'm saying? Never bought into that bit. No. I never have bought into that bit. What do you mean? If I love an artist and there's probably 10 artists that I love. Yeah. I love everything they do. Chris Cornell is a great example. I loved everything about Cornell. He made that album with Timbaland and everybody filleted him. I was like, I actually like a few songs because I like that dude's voice and I like what he does. I don't like the guys that are like, no album of Pearl Jam will ever compare to 10. They've done so much better stuff. I've never bought into that. They always live up to it for me because I love them. Is there anything worse than grabbing a jar? or a carton of ice cream, peanut butter, salsa, mayo, mustard, or butter, and there's about a teaspoon left. And you scrape for about three minutes and get a thimble size full of whatever it is that you're trying to get. Is there anything worse than getting into a 400-degree car in the height of summer and scalding your hands, legs, and back? Black leather seats. On the black leather seats and everything you touch, and you're like,

2:08:43The blinker burns. Everything burns. You're trying to shift gears. Is there anything worse than getting so sick or injured that you have no choice but to go to the ER? You walk in, TV's playing Judge Judy, and there's 48 people in there and crying babies. Is there anything? Worse than that, walking into that scene. It makes me feel nauseous just thinking about it. You think about those cold, white tile floors. The smell. The smell of the hospital. The people in there with you. I don't even want to touch the door. Not opening the door. Those two TVs are on. They're always playing Judge Judy. No volume. And you hear... And on the same token as that, when you're stuck in the waiting room of a doctor's office and you can read like parenting magazine or like... Yachting. Yachting. You're just like, ugh. That's it. You're like, I was going to buy a yacht. Now I'm definitely going to. Yeah, I just checked out yachting and it's a great time. Is there anything worse?

2:09:58Then taking out the garbage only to find that there must have been a tear in the bag and you've left a liquid garbage juice trail all through your place. The juice garbage juice is the worst. The liquid garbage juice spillage. You ever get it on your leg as you're walking out? In your shoes? Oh my God, oh my God. In your shoes? Yeah, just closing your shoes. It's pink. Yeah, just filthy. Brown. Gross. Smells. Yeah, it's the bottom of a chicken container. Oh, my gosh, Mike. Ew. Too far. Is there anything worse than all the clothes that you like either being dirty, ugly, old, torn? Everything's, nothing's clean. You have no clean clothes. So your only choice is that you have to wear something dirty, ugly, too big, too small, too something. It's my every morning for me. Or when you think you washed your clothes, but then you just remember that you left it in the washing machine. And not only is it not clean, but it smells like milk. No, I've just gone over. Is there anything worse than explosively hitting your funny bone? Oh, dude. I do it all the time. Yeah. All the time. I don't mean lightly tapping it. I just got the phantom pain. Yes. I mean going.

2:11:27Pow! I might be able to top that with when you graze one of your boys. One of your boys. And I grazed yesterday in here and thought I was going to die. I grazed it with the baseball bat. And I was like. You and Jay do that to each other all the time. We'd play a lot of. They'd walk by and slap. We'd do a little de-slap. Slap the boys. Yeah. Have you ever turned your neck real hard and it sends that burning sensation down your neck? Yes. That just kills me. And you don't want to turn your head back. No, ever again. You ever wake up at 2 a.m. and you've been sleeping on your arm? That happened to me last night. I had them both over my head and then I had to shake them out to get the blood flowing. Yeah, you wake up and it feels like you've had your arm amputated. You're like, oh! I think it's worse when it's your leg and you get up and it just goes, you're like, am I walking? You're kind of stomping around like a weird... Woods knows this one. Anything worse than paper cuts? Oh, got one the other day. This thing. In the webbing. This is worse. Yeah, you got L.O.B. The hard plastic cut. Yep, the hard plastic. I got one in the webbing of my fingers. I almost died. Oh, gosh. Is there anything worse than trying for about an hour to get something unstuck from your back molars? And you're like, for an hour, you're like, oh, I almost got it. I almost got it.

2:12:42And you're trying with your tongue. You're using everything possible. You're breaking out pens. You have everything but a toothpick to use. And you're like, I think I got it. You can't. More like an eyelash in your eye. You're like, just get out a piece of dirt. Both people are saying the exact same thing. M1 Sally from the 805. Well, now that we've moved on to bodily parts, I don't know if mine is quite as irrelevant. Is there anything worse than going to shake the orange juice carton in the morning and realizing that the lid wasn't on all the way? Done it. Done it. I've done that. Wait, what is that now? It splashes all over you. You shake it. Oh, my gosh. You shake all over yourself. I've done it numerous times. I have to. How do you guys not notice the caps on there? Because somebody besides you went in there. Because some dill hole didn't put it back on there, like me. Like me. Who drinks out of the carton and just lightly puts it back and puts it in there. Chews the top off of it. Yeah, exactly. It won't fit. My wife before, I've chewed the cap of her water and she didn't know it and has gone to pick it up and drink it really, you know, and it's spilled all over. She thought the cap was on, but I've eaten the cap because I'm a goat. Is that a true story? All the time. Oh, wow.

2:14:02Wow. Yeah, I know. I think you're flying on the safest airline that there is because we know what they are. And when we come back, we'll tell you. Make some noise. Holy cow. My head hurts. She knows that I would be a liar. Rebecca put Jake in a dance class. Explain. Oh, boy. He just throws it right out. I just did. Don't just throw her at the back. Yeah, what other explanation do you need? Really? Is there a buildup to that? Jake. I come home yesterday and she says, honey, guess what?

2:15:07And this is after telling me that Jules ate the butter. Terrible day for you. Jules, your cat ate the butter. I'm like, what else? Did Luke come out of the closet? Mike. What color is his leotard? Stop, you guys. Jake is four years old and he's amazing and he loves music and dance is something you do with music. At home. Yeah, when Yo Gabba Gabba's on. Dance it up. He's only four. You have to encourage him. A lot of football players took dance classes. Once they were established. He's not like 13, Mike. He's four. She goes, guess what? Jake's dance teacher. And I'm already like. Jake's dance teacher. You didn't know about it? I knew that. You know what? I don't pay enough attention. I don't. I'm not. I think I know. What? Sometimes when you're in preschool or pre-K classes, they have like people come in and they do something fun for the day. And maybe this dance teacher came in and taught the whole class a dance routine or something. And maybe he was really good at it. Doesn't mean he's going to dance class. Maybe he likes it. No. It doesn't matter if he likes it or not. It doesn't matter. Why? Why? She goes, his teacher says that he is really good.

2:16:28That's awesome. And that he is one of her better students that she's ever had. It means he's athletic. Yeah. And I go, maybe he plays guitar. He has rhythm. That boy. He can sing. He can play musical instruments. He has a gift. So let him. Yeah, you know what? His gift is going to be asking for like a leotard. Hey, Dad, as a gift, can I have some tights? No. Mike. RP. Hello. Stop. You're overthinking him. Am I overthinking him? No. And it's because of Woods. What did I do? I didn't put him in dance class. There are men in this room shaking their head. He's not overthinking him. Raise your hands if it's wrong. If it's wrong, raise your hands. Every guy. Every guy. We know him everywhere. Not every guy. Every guy. What guy did not raise your hand? Maybe you guys just be secure. Oh, he had his up. He's like, I had it up. I was up. I don't dance. I don't dance. I like girls. You guys.

2:17:34I see where you're coming from, but I'm sorry. He's a four-year-old little boy. If he was 13 and like, hey, dad, I'm going to go to dance class. Then I would understand. That's how it's to Katy Perry, like California girls. Because that's what's cool right now. You dance to it in the car. Why can't he? He's not in class. He's not in dance class. Mikey's not in dance class. You know what? Jake can dance to it in the car. I don't care. Jake can dance all over the house. Mikey doesn't care. I don't care. Wait a minute. He's in a class. A choreographed dance to California girls? To boys? I think. Yep. No, it's probably a co-ed class. That's not right. That's the best. That's not right. That's not right. And I'm with her. Jiggly Gallip. He does. Okay. Can we talk to Rebecca? I need to know more. Daisy Duke. I can't only hear your side. This all started because all I said, and this is not my fault. I said, Mike, I'm having a little league practice today. You're the coach. I'm the head coach. Come down. And Jake likes baseball. He was with his mom. Well, he saw some girls playing softball. And he goes, Mommy, I want to do that. And Rebecca told me that. I got him a baseball glove. Not be a girl. Right. Play softball. We know. So I was even showing him how to throw. And he was throwing underhand like the girls did. And I was like, Jake, no, dude. I'm like grabbing him. I'm like, no, overhand, overhand. Why are you panicking? He's four.

2:18:53Because I panicked. I was like, you're not playing softball. You're not playing softball. He's not supposed to be throwing them. You don't throw it underhand. You throw it overhand. Overhand. Overhand. Guys, do you throw it overhand? Overhand or underhand? Overhand. He was mimicking what they were doing. Yes. He just needs to be caught. I was teaching him. That's what I was doing. So I'm teaching him. And I told Mike, I go, bring Jake down to practice today and let him see the other kids playing ball and running around. And Uncle Woods, he'll be all the way in and I can work with him and I'll work with you to work with him. And Mike's like, you might have dance class today. I don't know if I can bring him down. And I'm like, oh, boy. Yeah, we just blow things out of proportion, Mike. Really? Yes. He doesn't have dance class. That's on Wednesdays and Thursdays. I think he has dance class. Maybe. Oh, today's figure skating for him. He's got figure skating. I don't think they should be teaching little boys. Stop talking like that. I agree with Lauren. California girls. He's got sewing at the Y. Yeah, he's got sewing class today. Who cares? And then tomorrow he's got macrame, so he can't make it.

2:19:52Sorry, we'd like to be able to take him to baseball practice, but today he's doing latch hook with the girls at the latch hook class. Every guy should know how to sew. He's gymnastics. Come on. Yeah, he's got gymnastics, and then after gymnastics, he's got ballet, so he won't be able to make it. And he's going to be late to ballet class because Rebecca has to go get him new pair of wet shoes. All the guys in ballet get all the girls. Yeah. Yep. to go shopping with him. Yes. No. To go to the hair salon to get manicures, pedicures. Did you just... Maybe LLB never does that again. She just air-hooked. Oh, excuse me. I learned it from you. I learned it from watching you. M1 Juanito from Oceanside is on the line. Hi. Hey, Mikey. How you doing? Good. Hey, man. I'm just calling to tell you that. I mean, I'm trying to say this. You're an awesome guy, and I look up to you, but I think you need to step up a little bit. I have a six-year-old, and he's my oldest, and he's been raised by my wife. And he's got two younger sisters, but for a while there he's been really into makeup and dancing and doing that stuff. I mean, I took initiative, I know, for soccer, helped him coach. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Your son has taken an interest in makeup? Because of his sisters. Because of his sisters? He's got two younger sisters, and with my wife. Watching him get ready in the morning, he wanted to mess with that stuff.

2:21:16Well, yeah, you go, no. That's for the girls. Yeah. But I'm not around. You know, I got to work. I got to do stuff. So he's telling you, don't let Jake do the dance class. Yeah, he's basically, you're there. Okay, so you're on my side. Yes. He's not there all the time to stop his son from putting makeup on. He's saying you should go home today and say, listen, woman, I put my foot down. No, he's saying, like, you should coach. If you want him to play guitar, give him a guitar lesson. I got you. Soccer coaches soccer team. Your son will grow out of the makeup thing. He's not wearing. Jake's not going to still wear dresses. It's okay. Jay, our producer, when he was little, you said you used to dress up with your sister. Yeah, they used to dress me up all the time. He's married to a hot woman with four kids. I know, but he's weird and all creepy. That may be true. Jay's the best.

2:22:16Creepy Uncle Jay. Thank you. There's that little dancer right there. There's that little guy. He's dancing around. Little tiny dancer. He's going to dance in. Little tiny dancer. Daddy's dancer. Daddy's dancer. My gosh. Well, you're going to hear this in about two years. Daddy, Daddy, will you come to my dance recital today, Daddy? It happens. Daddy, will you come to my dance? Daddy, please. Will you bring Uncle Woods and Connor and come to my dance recital? You'd have to go. You would have to go. Yes, you have to go. Not only are you going to go, but you're going to put on a happy face. She didn't answer? No, she didn't answer. She's furious at both of us right now. Sure. A couple clowns. Listen, it's a place of love. I love him. You know I love him. Oh, dude, I'm with you. I want to preach in the choir. And I want to teach him the great game. Please. I will. You guys need to let your children explore everything. I would rather dance than play baseball. Write that down. Write that down. That was perfectly silent. I would rather dance than play baseball. And I think you know what I mean by dance. M120. Don't try to save yourself. Yeah, don't save yourself. Is it Rebecca? Yeah, Rebecca's online. Oh, boy. I gotta go to the bathroom. No, you're not. I gotta go to the bathroom. You're doing the talking. Okay. Let's see. We have something to put her on hold. There we go. Honey? Honey? Yeah. Woods wants to talk to you. Mikey!

2:23:44Hi, Rebecca. Hi. Hi. Is Jake really in a dance class, or is it just where they dance at preschool? Well, it's at preschool, but it's an optional class. So we chose it. Yeah, he just started a couple weeks ago, and he loves it. He loves it. Okay. See, now I'm like. If he loves it, I love Woods. Of course he loves it. If he loves it, then I support him because I love him so much. I love him. I love that kid. You know how much I love him. You know how much I love him. Woods is doing a bit right now. It's not a bit. Yes, it is. Look at him. It is not a bit. Stop it. I love him. Why would you just make every man in the room raise their hands? You are so messed up. Why would you have think that he hated it? Why would he take it if he hated it? Because his mom made him, maybe? No. No, Rebecca wouldn't make it. He loved it. What happened was right before the holidays, they had had the dance class, you know, like last.

2:24:46I remember the California girls and you thought the song was inappropriate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he saw a dance recital at school and he, one of his teachers had taped it on her like cell phone or something. What if he saw a broad school? Are we going to put him in one? It's different. He saw a guy making meth and decided, I'd love to cook meth too. TV was on. He saw a documentary on meth. So I bought him a lab. Maybe Jake will be very famous like Justin Timberlake. Justin Bieber. He started talking about it all the time. And at home, he started trying to recreate the dance. Oh, he's so cute. He's so cute. That's cute. I have no problem with that. But you don't put him in a class. Wait, wait, wait. This is going to change ever. Word, word, word. Great. That's going to be Jake in five months. Mom, I need a skin dress. Just saw Silence of the Lambs, Mom. Can you buy me a van and put me in a cast? Let your wife finish. Let's let her finish. Let her finish.

2:25:48She hates us. Exacerated. Join the club. As you guys know, Jake has some issues connecting with his peers on a social level. And there it goes. And so, if I can find something that he wants to do. Maybe baseball. He wants to do this to interact with other kids. Rebecca, you don't have to sell me. I'm sold. I am sold all the time. I am sold. You're a monster. She is really trying to finish her statement. I will go to his recitals. I'll go to his recitals. I can't wait, actually. I love him. Stop. I love him. Yeah, stop. So if I can find something for him to do that he genuinely enjoys doing and... For the first time in this child's life, he's holding hands with his friends. There you go. I'm sold. I'm sold. I am. I'm sold now. He's following direction from his teacher. Good for him. He's learning and growing in his social development. Done. And, I mean, pretty much. This is a gateway to synchronized swimming. It is not. It is not. I agree. I agree with you, Rebecca. This is Jake in one year.

2:27:03You know, and if he likes it, I'm all for it. Rebecca and I, I agree with you because I think this could... No, I do. Listen, on my marriage, I agree with her. Will you stop swearing on things? It's going to teach him his coordination. He's going to be very coordinated. No, it is. He says, on my unborn child. I swear on my unborn child. He's like, I swear on the skeleton of my grandparents. Rebecca, if that is going to help him, because you know what it'll do, bro? going to lead him to other stuff that he wants to. I have a question. This will lead him to other stuff. We were already all saying this except for Woods and Mike. I was going to do that to you, Mike. I want to work with him. I was going to throw a couple people at you. I want to work with him playing baseball because I know he was stoked about that when he saw it. When he saw it, he was all on board. And here's the other thing I want to point out. He also is in music class. He plays instruments every week. He's the next Justin Bieber. He loves the piano. He loves the keyboard. He loves the drums. Stop. And he does that every week. It goes with music. But see, the music thing, it's really him and his teacher probably. This is good for him with other kids. Yeah. Mike is doing synchronized swimming moves right now. That's not what they do. You sold me. That's not what they do. It's going to be good for his music with the rhythm. Good. Okay. If it's good, if he, yeah, I'm on board. I'm on board. It's not the case. Like, it's not the same case as it would be if it was another kid. Stop backpedaling. I'm not backpedaling.

2:28:30Same case. Hey, these mics go off. He's going to be like, get him out of that thing. No, I'm serious. I say you let him stay. Honestly. Absolutely. I don't think Mikey has a choice. I saw his second class. I snuck in and was watching. And when I saw him... Holding hands with kids. Crying. I almost started crying. Done. Mike is a monster. I'm not. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board now. Rebecca. No, you're not. I'm on board. There are boys in this class as well as girls, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely. Just as many boys. They're little kids. There's as many boys. Okay. I'm sold. And they don't do ballet. It's like, you know, it's like. Like booty shake. Yeah. Hip hop. Yeah. They dance to like Kronk and stuff like that. He comes up and he's like, Mom. Did he get crunked? Yeah, he's like, Mom, can we get crunked and get a 40? 570-1949. This is M1 Ryan from Oceanside. Go ahead, Ryan. Hey, yeah, I was actually in Jake's shoes when I was about six years old. I had seen my cousin in a ballet presentation she did. And when I got home, I told my mom and dad, hey, you know, that was really great. I want to do that. My dad goes out and buys me tights and then buys another pair of tights and makes...

2:29:44butterfly wings for me. You're a good dad. Yeah, great guy, right? Crafty. Babe, do we have butterfly wings yet for Jay? Your dad was... Did he do it to mess with you? Your dad was Elton John, right? Yeah. How did you end up? How did you end up? My dad's actually pretty monster. I'm straight. Yeah, yeah, he's straight. Turned out. Turned out. All right. And you made the decision for yourself of whether or not. Not that being gay is not all right. I didn't say, you know, I'm not trying to. Everyone deserves the opportunity to find out where their true talent is. Not that there's anything wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that. I was upset with my dad. I asked Jake, you know what I mean? When the opportunity came to sign him up, I sat down and talked to him. And I said, you know how Mrs. Daniels comes and takes the kids to dance class and then they do the recital. Do you want to do that? And it was like instant. Yes, yes. Nice. Good mom. Yeah. Maybe he's on Glee. I want to know what that caller was doing in your son's shoes is what I want to know more than anything. That is creepy. You get out of his shoes right now. It's good that he wants people to watch him. He could be like, I don't want people to interact with him. Oh, he's a performer, man. Jake is a performer. Really? You don't want your son to be in dances at the deal, plebeian? Of course you don't.

2:31:01Of course you don't. What will it do to him? Will it ruin his life, plebe? Is that the deal? Why are you playing the piano again right now? Because when I talk about this... When I talk about this, it's a sonata that I have. It's weird when you close your eyes. It is. And throw your head back? Let me tell you something. What's the name of that sonata? Do you remember? Give him a moment. He's into it. Plebeian. I was in dance class. Is anything wrong with me? There's so much wrong with you. Is there anything wrong with having long, dry, black hair? Straight. Is there anything wrong with being four centuries old? Is there anything wrong? That's Jay.

2:32:02Is there anything wrong with these acrylic nails? They're curled over. Is there anything wrong with the fact that I drink blood? Is there anything wrong with the fact that I hate dead blood? I can see through your skin and your veins. They're all shiny. I love you, darling. I love you. Be supportive of James. I am completely 180, but I'd still like him to come to baseball practice sometime. And he genuinely would like that, too. He can do both. You can do both. He'll be a jack of all trades. You can do both. Hey, let me know when your next practice or whatever. Today, 3 o'clock. Today at 3. Okay. Yeah. Love you, honey. Love you, honey. Love you. I don't like it when you guys tell her you love her. We know. That's why we do it. That's why we do it. 570-1949. Make some noise. We've got a full house in here today. I don't know what we have coming up next. I lost my real seat. I'll tell you. He spun out from the dance. Exhausted. Tell Uncle Woods I'll go to the recital with you. Yeah. That's what's going to happen.

2:33:255701-949 is our number if you want to give us a call. My computer turned off. Oh, great. This doesn't happen. You ever just a train wreck? We got plenty of stuff. We have the safest airlines. Oh, the safest airlines. Yeah, we didn't do that. Safest airlines coming up. 70s gold for you. 97FM. This is Paul Davis and I go crazy on your at-work lunch hour. If you have a request, give us a call. Oh, girl, it's been a while. Guess you'll be glad to know. Oh, boy. So good. This would be a great song for Will Ferrell to be crying in the car to. Absolutely. He's crying in the car, pounding on the steering wheel. I love him so much. Let's see. M1 Josh from Chula Vista is on the line. Hi, Josh. How you doing? Good. Yeah, I was just calling to give a shout out to my buddy Kyle.

2:34:50He's in his studio right now. I just wanted to say what's up to him and enjoy his day off. Just got married. Just got married. Just got married. There you go. Awesome. Meet his lovely bride. Congratulations. There you go. Hey, thank you, Josh. Yeah, yeah, no problem, man. There you go. Can't wait to meet the baby. I don't understand that. We're all very depressed now. Did he say meet the baby? Yeah, you know, what's that baby do? Why? Because he got married. Well, I could take it. Have you had intercourse? They're going to have intercourse on their honeymoon. They're allowed to. They're married. They went on a honeymoon. You guys, if you have a baby, please don't bring him around yet. Oh, come on. Bring that baby in here. I can't wait to meet the baby. I just want to watch how you make it.

2:36:26I don't care about the kid. I want to see how you make it. I'll film it. I'll film it. You mean like Kim Kardashian? I'll cut the umbilical cord. I'll have you bury the placenta. We can make stew. That was too far? Too far. Let me look at the room confused. Too far? Too far? Too far? I thought we were having a good time. We were bantering. We were that. We were riffing. Oh, boy. All right. So, Sienna, the safest airlines to fly are? How do I go? How do you go to that? Really? How do we go? Baby America. Fornication International. Tax Airlines. Sex Express. I feel like we're tiptoeing into dangerous dirt. Okay.

2:37:31Something special in the air. Mall hot club. Virgin Airlines. He says not anymore. It's the opposite of someone that has sex. It's so... Yeah, see? It's so much fun. I thought we were joking. Is that too much? I was just building off of... Yeah, I was just riffing. Holy cow. I'm so disgusted. Please. What are the safest airlines? Please. Just rip through them. I'm going to start with number eight. Work my way to number one. Santa's nauseous. I am. This is placenta stew and I kick it out of my head. People do it. They really do. They do. Yeah. Number eight. Those people are called Ed Geese. No, they're Ted Bundy. Ted Bundy. The number eight. They're called the Ease Bales.

2:38:45Oh, go ahead, Sam. The number eight safest airline is JetBlue. Number seven, American Airlines. Number six, United. By the way, if you're JetBlue, you don't... Hey, welcome to the eighth safe airline. I just wanted to announce to you, congratulations to us. We were just announced as the eighth safe airline. Out of nine. So, good luck. Hope to see you when we land in Houston. Hopefully, yes. which I've never flown on, Air Tran. Air Tran? Yeah. Canada. No, it's Air Tranny, actually. It's full of transvestites. Air Tran. There you go. There you go. Southwest. Feast on that. Number two. New movies coming out this weekend. What do we have, Sienna? Well, the big ones, The Mechanic with Jason Statham. Mm-hmm.

2:39:53I don't know who that is. Jay's twin. He looks a lot like Jay. Yeah, he's a guy. He's in a lot of action movies. He was in the Transporter movies. Ben Foster, Donald Sutherland. Oh, Ben Foster is in it. Because they had said originally that he didn't know if he was going to take it. He thought it was a good vehicle. In between other movies. Yeah. But one that we've, I think, heard of more is The Right with Anthony Hopkins. That's the creepiest movie. It's that Anthony Hopkins. They play the commercial during football, and I'm putting my hand over Jake's ears, and his eyes. I'm like, I don't want to get scared. Oh, it's scary. That one's rated PG-13. Wow. The mechanic is rated R. Is that it? Is that all the movies coming out? Did you know, Woods, that today is Elijah Wood's 30th birthday? And the reason that I ask is because, you know, that means that he's a Lord of the Rings guy. And I just figured you might want to hear a second of Lord of the Rings. Why would I want to hear a second of Lord of the Rings? It's Elijah's birthday. I can't believe he's 30. Seems older, I thought. This is from The Fellowship of the Ring, the first movie. Of course it is. Right. Obviously. I do not know the way. Woods, you would like it if you gave it a chance. He would like it. It's really good.

2:41:26It's too long. Nobody talks that way. It's a wizard. Exactly. Wizards talk that way. Mikey and Rebecca. Yeah, besides Mikey and Rebecca. And my axe. And Wood's guitar. And Mikey's sippy cup. Jokes usually, they work. Never mind. No. Poor Jay. Jay's going to stop talking. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. You can't guilt me. You know, I'm going to come in here with a machine gun. Just the BB gun. It'll be slow and painful. This week we've been really close to the edge. Let's get back to making fun of me. How about that? Make you guys all feel better.

2:42:22No, you keep doing it. I'll tell you. I will tell you. I kind of want to now. If we took it away, he'd be mad. Hey, y'all, remember when I used to mess up words in commercials and stuff? He starts doing it on purpose. So if you're a fan of the TV show The Office, Michael Scott. ran into Ricky Gervais' character. Is it Gervais or Gervais? Whatever. I think it's Gervais. I think it's Gervais. I'm sorry. I didn't want you to get in any more trouble for that. Ricky Gervais. There you go. Well, his character was the Michael Scott character in the British version. Correct. Some people on Facebook. I think he's an executive producer of the show. He is. Of the American show. And he's the guy that created the original. Correct. In England. So the two characters met each other. Nice. Sorry, mate. Sorry, mate. What are you doing? English. You picked on the wrong person. No, no, no, I'm not picking on you at all. You're English, correct? Yeah, big time, yeah. I'm working on an English character. Would you mind... It's called Reginald Poofta. Oh, David Brent, my liege. How are you? Michael Scott. I do characters as well. I've got a Chinese fella. Not politically correct, but he's called Holy F***. That's not what it sounds like. I do big.

2:43:41I'm peeing. You can't do that these days. I'm peeing. No, no, no. And people don't understand that it has nothing to do with making fun of a different nationality. No, comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself. That's what she said. That's good. Pleasure to meet you. Where are you working? Dunder Mifflin. Any jobs going? No, not right now. Just let me know. All right. See you around. Bye-bye. But a nice guy. Pretty good. That's great. So he was on, I guess, last night. I haven't seen that show in a billion years. That's too bad. Your dad's coming into town this weekend? Yeah, they're landing in like 20 minutes. Your dad going to do any dad bits while he's here? Watching the TV, doing the thing. The golf swing. He'll definitely do the air golf swing. He'll do air golf. I'm going to set the over-under. I'm going to set the number at 7 for...

2:44:42The shower that we're having on Saturday. Seven is the number. Over or under fake golf swings. At the shower? Wait a second. No, no, no. Can I just ask a question? Can I ask a question? I know we'll see the golf swing. The air golf swing at the shower. But you're saying that it's possible that he could do the air golf swing seven times? Yes. We were in the... intensive care unit where my sister-in-law's father was dying and my dad was doing the fake golf swing in the ICU. No, he was not. There sits Mrs. Woods. Babe, true story? True or false? The whole time, she says. The whole time. Well, he was nervous. He does it when he gets uncomfortable. So there's a man dying. You're in a hospital. Somebody's dying and he's like. Yes. How many baseball swings did you do? None. Oh, my God. As Woods has gotten older, maybe you're doing more baseball swings. Oh, I do it, but I know when to do it and when not to do it. Do you? Yeah. Do you? Yeah. You guys see me do it here in the studio, which is like a playground. It's like a right package. What do you say then at the baby shower over under seven fake air golf swings? You'll see seven. You'll see seven or more. Seven or more? Seven or more. I'm so excited to watch this. I think I'll see three.

2:46:08And plus, yeah, he'll be watching the golf tournament here. He's going to go on Sunday. Next week's going to be 35 to 40 a day. Stand up and show us how it's done. Oh, I love it. Hands next. It's like he's going to clap. It's like he's going to clap, and then he does the swing and the follow-through and watches to see how far he went. See, my dad does the last one. He doesn't do the full wind-up. He's messing with his glasses. Now he's putting. He's on the green. He's practicing his putting. Wow. Does your dad do that? He's measuring. He's out on the ground measuring the distance.

2:47:05No. Tap it in. That's not true. Jamie, he's overdoing it, please. He overshot it. He overshot it. The only thing he does to do is when he squats down to look at the line. Wait, wait, wait. He does practice putting? Like air putting? Air putting. I know that guys do the whole swing thing. He'll do the air putt. Wow. My dad does the last, just the drive. He does the drive, and my dad also, when he gets uncomfortable, will start stretching. That's a good thing you told us. He'll say, like, okay, if he has to be like, we really don't want you to stay out late. And then the more uncomfortable he gets, the more elaborate the stretches get. And he'll be, like, down like this. Oh, you're moving it with Matt. Doing lunges. You're moving it with Matt. You're moving it with Matt. He's doing a lunge. I hope my parents aren't listening on my mom's iPhone. My dad knows he does it. He'll be like. I hope. Why do dads fall asleep watching TV all the time? And act like they weren't. That's what my dad does. He's like, oh, is it? What?

2:48:28And we're like, Dad, it's okay to say you're sleeping. He's like, no, I would say if I was, I wasn't sleeping. That's all Dad is. Dad, they think they're weak if they sleep. Sleeping is a sign of weakness. I must stay up for 24 hours a day because I'm providing a living and a roof over your head. If I sleep, I'm weak. By the way, this is M1 Shane from San Diego. Are you there, Shane? I'm here. Hey, listen. Everybody that won Word of the Day was qualified this week for the 2011 Mountain High Season Pass. Compliments of Warren Miller's wintervention. And you are our winner. Congratulations, bro. Hang in the line. What are my favorite guy names? What? Shane. Good name. I like that. A hundred years ago, Thomas Edison made predictions specifically. About the year 2011. 100 years ago, Thomas Edison made predictions about 2011. So when we come back, you'll get to find out, was he right about any of the things that he predicted for the year that we're living in now? Tonight's 8 o'clock album, Creighton's Clearwater Revival. Green River? You would not be able to say that.

2:50:16Out of Garrett's voice. No. It will never happen. It has to be a Garrett's voice. It's CCR, you plebe. I can't. It's impossible. Yeah, when I do the 8 o'clock album, our program director, Garrett. Garrett. Garrett is on the air for that, so it's only appropriate for our 8 o'clock album. It's Creedence Clearwater Revival. CCR. There you go. Green River. Love you, Garrett. You're the man. You're the best. You're the man. Thanks for the job. We're sending out messages to Garrett right now. It's hanging out with us. Let's see. 570-1949 is our number. So what were the predictions Thomas Edison made? Okay, this was 100 years ago in the Miami... Say it. Herald? It's 100 years ago. I don't know. It doesn't matter. 100 years ago. The Miami paper. No. Let me see it. It's like a really easy word. It's the...

2:51:18Metropolis. The Metropolis. There you go. I overthought it. It doesn't register sometimes. I overthought it. It's Metropolis. It's Metropolis. It's Metropolis. It's Metropolis. I read hundreds of these things a day. Sometimes your brain doesn't work. So what did he say? He said that railway trains would be driven at incredible speed by electricity by the year 2011. Well, yeah, that's right. Yeah. I've been for a while. High-speed railways, I thought they worked on, I know in Japan they work magnetically. Wow. They do. Okay. This one I'm not so sure about. Travelers will, quote, in the year 2011, fly through the air swifter than any swallow at a speed of 200 miles an hour. Yeah, planes. Faster than that. We go five. We go way faster. I was thinking of humans flying. Oh, he said that we would? No. No. Like a jet pack? It's the end of the show on Friday. Anything goes. I'm just ruining the story. I just might as well just rip it up. My sports got awful today. I know. It is. It's nervous. All these people are here. Yeah. My hosting was for a turd. We're just sucked. Sorry. We're sorry. Give us another shot. The steam engine would be obsolete. Pretty much. Yeah. Pretty much. Books will all- It's been for 90 years. 10 years after he wrote that. He's like, can I just retract one of them?

2:52:41Yeah, he's like, so race that one. Racer hasn't been invented yet. Redacted. Books will all be printed leaves of nickel so light to hold that the reader can enjoy a small library in a single volume. Kindle. What a trip. Smart dude. Edison knew it was up. Houses will be, quote, furnished from basement to attic with steel at a sixth of the present cost of steel so light that it will be as easy to move a sideboard as it is today to lift a drawing room chair. It's true. Like aluminum side? Aluminum. Gold will be as common and as cheap as bars of iron or blocks of steel. Of course. You know what? A couple of years ago? Yeah. Not now. Not now. Gold has gone way up. That's it. That's it. Those are his predictions in 1911. Smart dude. Not bad. We got to go. Anybody got anything going on this weekend that they want to talk about? I have something next weekend. What do you got? I want people to start thinking about getting tickets. At Pechanga, I'm going to be doing two shows opening for Rick Martinez at 8 o'clock and 10 o'clock. Wow. On Saturday, February 5th. Go to get tickets at Pechanga.com or 951-770-2507. That's very cool. That is very cool.

2:53:52My tipsy crows are playing and I'm not playing this weekend. But go check them out anyway. Good guys. There you go. 1.30 Sunday. End of the show on Friday, I tell you my story. If you've never heard me tell my story, then it may be strange to you. But the reason that I tell you is that hopefully somebody that's listening can get some hope from it. Because it's something that at one time in my life, I didn't have any of. There's been times in my life where I have felt desperate. When I was five years old, I was sexually abused and had no way to process that as a kid. And as I started to get older and started to get into my teenage years, I had a great sense of loneliness. When I was in my 20s, I started to get tattoos. And the reason that I did...

2:55:14was because I wanted to project an image that was different than who I really was. Somebody really, really sensitive. Somebody that felt alone. In my late 20s, I was drinking to the point that I was passing out. When I was in my early 30s, I was drinking to the point where I couldn't stop drinking. My hands would shake if I didn't. All of my brothers at one time, I have three older brothers, and all of my brothers at one time or another have been affected. and had been affected by my drinking, my alcoholism. And I saw my dad cry because of it. If there's people that are listening that have ever experienced any of that, then I ask you to go to my website, mikeyshow.com, and at the top of the page you'll see something that says, Help. And something was on my heart this week to bring up.

2:56:49dad with a broken heart because of a daughter that was cutting. And it broke my heart because I have a son and I just, I can't imagine what it would be like to be a parent and not know what to do about that. So if you have been in that place of desperation and hopelessness over something that I've talked about, eating disorders, maybe you're going through a divorce and it's really painful. Maybe you have a secret like that that nobody knows about. Maybe you're a person that is addicted to pornography or you're a person that's addicted to something. I invite you to go to mikeyshow.com and click on the word help and there's a lot of resources there that can help you. In 2003, I was at a point where I knew I was going to die because I was drinking so much. And I just felt so sad. I felt so pathetic.

2:58:14I don't know if you've ever been at a place where you just felt sad and pathetic. Seemed like you cried all the time. That was where I was. And I asked Jesus Christ to come into my life. And he did. And today, I'm a different person because of that. That's all. That's my story. Jesus doesn't have a website, but the church that I go to does. It's northcoastchurch.com. They don't ask me to do that. That changed my life, and maybe it changes yours. Northcoastchurch.com. It's the coolest church I've ever been to, and there's a reason it was voted one of the 20 coolest churches in America. I play a song at the end of the show that's about hope, and it's by a band called Third Day, and it's called Tunnel. And I really want you to listen to the words of the song. The lyrics to the song are really powerful, and man, if you're in a place where you feel

2:59:37desperate and alone, this song can maybe give you hope. Lovely and talented. Hillary is up next. We'll see you again on Monday. Have a great weekend. Mikey shows up. Thank you.