The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 01/31/11
Monday, January 31, 2011
Geezer BanditEgypt protestsInternet shutdownObama responseExtreme Justice LeagueVigilante superheroStork wordRush ticketsZuckerberg interviewFacebook pokingMicrowave experimentDNA myth
Mikey, Woods, Lauren O'Brien (LOB), and Sienna discussed the Geezer Bandit's latest bank robbery in Goleta, debating why silent alarms weren't triggered and speculating about the robber's identity. The show turned to the Egypt uprising, with Mikey describing protests, Hosni Mubarak's regime shutting down the Internet, and later quoting President Obama's call for restraint and mentioning a rumored internet kill switch. Later, Mikey introduced the Extreme Justice League, a San Diego vigilante group in superhero costumes who claim to have stopped four crimes, sparking a debate about citizen arrests and legal boundaries. In a lighter segment, the hosts played the word‑of‑the‑day “stork” and gave away Rush tickets, then aired a SNL clip where Jesse Eisenberg interviewed Mark Zuckerberg about Facebook poking and virtual relationships. Finally, Mikey and Jay examined a viral claim that microwaved water alters DNA and kills plants, concluding that the effect is just hot water and not a DNA change.
What happened, in order
Geezer Bandit Strike
Host describes the Geezer Bandit's 13th bank robbery in Goleta, detailing his method and speculating about his identity.
Bank Silent Alarm
Co‑host questions why bank tellers didn’t trigger silent alarms during the Geezer Bandit robberies.
Egypt Internet Blackout
Host outlines the protests in Egypt, noting the government shut down the Internet and cell phones and mentioning Hosni Mubarak.
Obama on Egypt
Host quotes President Obama urging restraint and discussing a rumored internet kill switch.
Extreme Justice League
Host introduces a San Diego vigilante group dressed as superheroes who patrol streets to protect women and claim to have stopped four crimes.
Stork Word Rush Tickets
Host announces the word of the day “stork” and offers Rush tickets to caller nine.
Zuckerberg Eisenberg Interview
Host plays a SNL clip where Jesse Eisenberg interviews Mark Zuckerberg about Facebook, poking, and virtual relationships.
Microwave Water Plant Experiment
Host discusses a claimed experiment that microwaved water kills plants, debating whether microwaves alter DNA or just heat the water.
People mentioned
MikeySteve WoodsLauren O'BrienSiennaJayWillRebeccaMatt ConnorsJamieConnorToddElla BHillaryGarrett
30,170 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
the show it's a uh what is it a monday and we're just i'm just trying to figure out weather don't know what's going on with this freaky weather i want to talk about that in a minute don't forget that uh eskimo blue waters will be in here at 7 30 uh because she's doing something that she says will cause national headlines oh boy um we're gonna be talking about the geezer bandit here here's what you got opening break we're gonna be talking about the geezer bandit Your phone calls, whatever you want, 570-1949. We've got to talk about what's going on in Egypt because that is becoming so huge. You know, at first I was like, isn't this too boring? You know, it's so big, though. It's such a big deal what's happening. Yeah. I could tell you what happened with Wood's baby shower over the weekend and how all that went. All of us were there. And so, yeah, we got all that. 570-1949, M1s. And M1 is a Mikey Show listener. When you call into the show, you turn your radio down, get to the point, and don't cuss. And M1 listens to us on the radio. And for long periods of time, we prefer that you listen to us on the radio. We love it when you listen to us on the radio. You know, a lot of people do on the Internet, but I like it when you listen on the radio because it makes me happy. Let's see. So much stuff happening.
The geezer bandit has struck again, Sienna? Yes. Where'd he strike? In Santa Barbara. Really? Yes, he just keeps moving up the coast. He robbed 12 banks in San Diego, one in Riverside. Well, 10 in San Diego, one in Riverside, one in Kern County. So he's had 12 bank robberies. This is now his 13th. And what he did, he did the same old deal. Walks into a Bank of America in Goleta. And on Friday, wearing his blazer, baseball cap, has his sunglasses on, walks up to the teller, hands a demand note, shows a handgun. They give an undisclosed amount of cash. He's out. No one knows where he is. No one tries to stop him. Right. I don't understand how this guy keeps getting away with it. But it's the same, you know, the same look all the time. I wonder if it's because it's bigger news in San Diego than it is in, you know, the central coast in Northern Cal. And so up there, it's just not on the radar as much. I don't know, but... Well, that's why he has, you know, keep moving around. He's getting away with it. Mm-hmm. They're going to catch the Geezer Bandit. Yeah, eventually. It will happen. How has it not? I want to know. How has it not? I want to know who it is. I'm so... I can't wait. I want to know if it's like a dude like me with a mask on. Yeah, well, it is a mask. It's got to be a mask. And I can't wait to see what he really looks like. And what if it's a she? Could be. Oh, my. You just blew my mind. Well, yeah, I guess it could be.
Don't bank tellers have like a little button they can push? Yeah. I mean, why is it not being pushed? Or is it? They probably are. Silent alarms? When you watch the movies about the bank robberies, you always see the guy. There's one guy doing the bid in the bank, and then there's one guy that's always on. It has the earpiece. And he's like, all right, there's the call. They just got the call. They know the response time. They know it's like three minutes. So if you're walking up, you're sliding a note, you're going, I got a handgun. Give me some dough. He's not going for the vault. He's not going for the big stuff. He's just getting what's in the drawer, and he walks out. And maybe he says, let me see both hands. But there's always a security guard at a bank who has a gun. So why isn't he notified by the silent alarm? You know what I mean? He's there. He could stop it. like getting pushed, I mean, there may not be a button at every single... There should be. I bet you there is. I bet you there is. There's gotta be. Yeah, a foot button. Now you're thinking, Jack. And it's just like a little vibration goes off to the security guard that's there. He gets his gun, goes over. The geezer bandit, you know, he has a gun, obviously, but if the security guard hasn't pointed at the geezer bandit... Ballsy. Stop. Robbing a bank is a ballsy thing. It's a ballsy thing. I don't want anyone to get hurt, but man, this is ridiculous. Well, you know that's gotta be part of the deal.
Yeah, The Rush. The Rush. I wonder if he was a former bank employee, so he knows. Good point. I'm sure he was. That's a really good point. If it turns out to be Ben Affleck. Yeah. Researching. Researching The Town 2. That's all that's happening. Could be. You never know. I talked to a couple clowns on my baseball team yesterday that said it's one of the worst movies they've ever seen. The Town? And I go, you're out of your mind. No way. I go, you're out of your mind. What was their complaint? You don't like Ben Affleck. I said, you're crazy. He's great. He's phenomenal. Oh, that's what they said, that they don't like it. I don't really care for Ben Affleck. In fact, I thought that was the best performance I'd ever seen him in. He was phenomenal in that movie. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I'm 40 years old. Woodsy is 35. He's our sports guy. Lauren O'Brien is our assistant producer. We call her LOB. Sienna is our news girl. She's 25. Jay's 47. He's our producer. And screening phones today for us is Will. It's Will. Let's see. Weird, weird weather. Weird weather. Saturday couldn't have been any. Gorgeous. Perfect. Gorgeous yesterday. Cloudy. Then it rained last night. Today it's supposed to be partly cloudy and cool. And then tomorrow is supposed to be a huge Santa Ana with winds, high winds, Tuesday night through Thursday. And the winds could hit 60 miles per hour in local mountains. Do they say about, like, if it's going to be sunny again? I'm sure it will. One day.
No, no, no. I mean, this week, are they predicting sunny and warm? Santa Ana is usually pretty sunny, but windy. Yeah. I don't want cloudy and windy. No, it rained on us yesterday. We were playing ball, which is just the worst. Yeah, it's terrible. It's gross. But in the Midwest, in Chicago especially, they're preparing for what they're saying could be one of the worst storms ever for the record books in Chicago. It's supposed to be really bad, dangerous blizzard warnings. Yes. It's crazy. Yeah, back east and, you know, it's just terrible. It's getting killed out there. They're saying the height of the storm over there is going to be on Tuesday night with snowfall rates up to three inches per hour. Oh, my gosh. What are they going to do? No one's going to be working those days. It's crazy over there. You know, the interesting thing is, though, a lot of people will. That's what's weird about that. They see snow and they're like, all right. We're tough. It's that mentality they have. They'll slog through that mess, man. If they can. If they can. Getting out of your driveway is insane. Could you imagine waking up? Yeah. And no, I can't imagine. I've lived here my entire life. Waking up and having to shovel snow. Oh, yeah. Did it forever. So you can get your car out of your driveway. It happens. Oh, my gosh. I lived in Rochester, New York in my early 20s. And I hated getting up and having to crack ice off of the windshield with a scraper. It was the worst.
For those of you that don't know, there's a lot of unrest right now in Egypt. It's terrible what's happening in Egypt. There's young people living in Egypt and they don't like what the government's doing. It's a typical, the man's keeping us down. We don't have our freedoms. We don't have stuff. And so they're upset about it. And there's rioting going on in the street. And I mean, rioting, man. I mean, they are flipping out. Picture rioting with thousands and thousands of people. That's what it looks like. And it's really bad. And things need to change. This is the difference between other governments and our government. They freaking turned off the Internet there. Oh, wow. Cell phones as well. Yeah, man. They turned off the cell phones. They turned off the Internet. They couldn't use Facebook because, you know, like last week. One day there were 20,000 people that were on this Facebook page calling for change. The next day there was 80,000. And when it got to 80,000, the government turned it off, turned off the Internet. People just can't stand their president. He's been a ruler for 30 years, and they want him out. I mean, people cannot stand this guy. Hosni Mubarak. Here he is speaking through a translator.
There's a very little line between freedom and chaos. I am absolutely on the side of the freedom of each citizen. And at the same time, I am on the side of the security of Egypt. And I am sorry about the Facebook thing. If you want to go back on Facebook, you can. But be careful what you poke and like. Do not let anything dangerous happen that would threaten the peace and the law. Here is Obama on. What do you think about it? Our first concern is preventing injury or loss of life. So I want to be very clear in calling upon the Egyptian authorities to refrain from any violence against peaceful protesters. Okay. Okay. Because before you say, we did not know. And now that you have said, we will call. Okay. Close call. The people of...
Egypt have rights that are universal. That includes the right to peaceful assembly and association, the right to free speech, and the ability to determine their own destiny. These are human rights, and the United States will stand up for them everywhere. They do not have the right to throw Molotov cocktails. Gosh. They do not have the right to turn tanks over. And Jeeps. Good old days. The U.S. Embassy is telling any Americans in Egypt to come home. That they're arranging for flights today. I don't think it's that far off from our government either. If things get crazy here, they've already got a switch. The kill switch. The kill switch. The kill switch. I thought they were fighting over whether or not to have a kill switch. They've got it. He has the control. Do you have it? Obama does. I will turn that Facebook thing right off. I'll turn this car around. You better not. I believe it. You better not. They're also talking about using the Internet to gather information on individuals who post anti-government things. Here or there. Everywhere. Yeah. I don't have a problem with that. They're gathering intelligence. I don't have a problem with that. I mean, you're allowed to do it. Yeah. But I don't have a problem with the government noticing that people do that more than others. Because if you are upset about that, that there are people that are posting stuff that's all crazy and stuff.
If you have a problem with the government monitoring those people, then don't come crying after that dude wipes out a school. Right. And people are like, oh, come in. Watch that, dude. Right. Boy, it's like, can't be happy with anything. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. Damned if you don't. Here's President Obama. talking about what he believes Mubarak needs to do about all of this craziness. When President Mubarak addressed the Egyptian people tonight, he pledged a better democracy and greater economic opportunity. I just spoke to him after his speech, and I told him he has a responsibility to give meaning to those words, to take concrete steps and actions that deliver on that promise. Now, he got upset. When I told him that because he said to keep my eyes on my own paper. And I said, well, I know that the kid doesn't like to be told what to do. But at the same time, I'm telling you, you need to just keep your people in check. You keep your eyes on your own paper. I will not. Barack. I will not because. I kill you.
You're turning off Facebook, and I've got a cousin who lives in Egypt. I can't see my nephew. Maybe you were born here. I wasn't. I was actually... How do we know? Well, two reasons. A, I don't have a birth certificate, and B, I was born in Africa. So you could have been born here. In Egypt? Yes. Well, my dad's from Kenya. He never traveled to Egypt? Well, he could have, but I... So... You're telling me there's a chance. Don't try to change the subject here, Mubarak. The subject is about poking, liking, and posting pictures and tagging. I'm a big fan of different group on Facebook. Be Different is one. It's a good one. Yes, I still have not got my wristband. I signed up about six months ago. To Be Different, PAX.org's defense, we were having a hard time finding... The wristband. I also sign up for a Mikey Thon t-shirt. Still no get it. I pay $50. You know, first of all. I have not got the shirt. Two people you need to talk to about that. Who is that? First person to talk to is the hand. Okay, talk to the hand. That's a great one. Talk to the hand. From 1994. And then the other person that you need to talk to.
is, I guess, Adam or somebody. I don't know. Is that your promotion director? Promotion director, yes. Okay, I'll give him a call. I have an email. What do you want? I want my freaking shirt and my bracelet. So you're doing both. I'm being different and I'm all against autism. I donate $50. I understand. But you're coming to me. You're the boss. You're the president. Turn Facebook on and maybe we'll talk. Until then, you know, I don't even understand what you're saying. Through my translator, I tell you some dirty words in Egypt. There must be reform. Political, social, and economic reforms that meet the aspirations of Egypt. What did I say? You said I'll tell you in Egypt. That's how Jay told me to say it. People in Egypt speak Egypt. Jay only says that, though. Because he will sometimes abbreviate words. Sometimes, Jay, sound like marble in mouth. Sometimes. Very rarely. That is true. To the point where some M1s are even making parody commercials. That cannot be about it. Like M1 Pelican.
It's Jay Isbell from the Mikey Show here to tell you about Johnsonville Bratworks. You know, when I'm with my boy Jasper tearing up some rips in the yard or off-roading in the desert, nothing says we're talking. More like firing up the grill with some burgers, onions, chili ribs, and of course, some Johnsonville Brats. So be a good old boy like me and go down to your local market and pick up some Johnsonville Bratworks today. Tell them Jay sent you. That's an M1. That was better than my favorite sounds. You're very, very talented. They're very talented. I'm suddenly hungry for some chili ribs. Me too. Okay, I didn't see the comma. It said chili and ribs, and there was a comma between them. I didn't see them. I thought it was chili ribs. Shoot me. I thought it was a smudge on the table. Chili ribs. Listen, whatever chili ribs are, I'm in. It sounds delicious. There is no such thing as chili ribs. We should make some. Chilis, if they're listening, should really come up with chili ribs. Make it for the Super Bowl. Chili ribs. M1 Phil from Chula Vista is on the line. Hi, Phil. I wanted to know if you've ever heard of a web browser called Rock Milk. If I've ever heard of what? A web browser, like an internet browser called Rock.
No. A browser like Internet Explorer. No, that's a search engine. Oh. Google Chrome. A browser is Internet Explorer, Safari, Firefox. Yeah. And you're asking if I've ever heard of one called what? Rock Smelt. Rock Smelt. Nope, never heard of it. What is it? Well, Tumblr, all those accounts into one browser. It has all your friends and everything on the side of your browser. You can go on the Internet, do your thing, and also see your friends and what they're doing on your browser. Man, that sounds like a lot of work just to get that. You got to take off whatever you're already using and use that browser. I don't like using other browsers. I don't like to install stuff. I don't either. At all. I like what I have. Me too. I like it just the way it is. I do too. It's so weird. And I'll hear people go, what do you use? And I go, Safari. And they go, oh, me too. And I'm like, oh, come on. Come on. What do you use? Who cares if it doesn't hurt you? Right. What do you use? Internet Explorer. Oh.
Oh, you plebeian. You don't use Firefox? No, I don't. Why? Because I use Safari. Leave me alone. No, dude, you have to use Firefox because if you use Firefox, you'll be able to talk to people in Martian lands and at the same time, check your Facebook. I'm like, I don't, it works. What I use now works and it works good. It works fine. Somebody put Firefox on a computer of mine one time. I wanted to die. I wanted to die. I go, can you just put my old thing back? I don't get it. You don't use Mozilla. That was exactly it. You're an idiot. I use that. Such an idiot. L.M.V. does. What do you use? Firefox. Why? I just like it better. What is it that you like? I like the way the little tabs are set up. I like the quickness of it, like the way things load. Yeah. I don't get the broken images as much as I did with Internet Explorer. I get broken images on email on Safari. Safari, I didn't like at all. It's a Mac deal. Safari's Mac. Yeah, I didn't like that. Don't like when I get bad. That's my biggest complaint, I think. I don't even know what a broken image is. Broken image means that when somebody sends you pictures, you can't see them. Sometimes that happens. I don't like that. You guys don't use Google Chrome?
No. Idiots. Google Chrome is a browser. And it's pretty sweet. Yeah. I use Gmail for my email account, so it makes everything super easy. I'll tell you what I would do. I would use any of those things that are supposed to be ultra cool, like Firefox or Google Chrome. I'd use any of those if there was this option that said, download this. And if you currently use Safari. or Windows or Internet Explorer, this will mimic that look so that you don't feel too out of sorts. Then I would. Yeah. Because the problem with downloading these things is things are different and I go, oh, I don't know what to do. You want to be quick and when you do something different, it makes it even longer and you're like, I just, I want to go back. Speaking of all of this, this is so funny. It's kind of, it's going viral right now. It's from 1994. And it's an episode of the Today Show where Katie Couric and Bryant Gumbel had no idea what the internet. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Well, it's 1994. Different time.
Internet is that computer network, the one that's becoming really big now. What do you mean, that's big? What do you write to it, like mail? No, a lot of people use it and communicate. I guess they can communicate with NBC writers and producers. Allison, can you explain what Internet is? Oh, my. Allison will be in the studio shortly. What does it mean? It's a computer network made up of, started from. I thought you were going to tell us what this was. That's intern Mark Zuckerberg. Right. And it's getting bigger and bigger. It came in really handy during the quake. A lot of people, that's how they were communicating out to tell family and loved ones they were okay because all the phone lines were down. You don't need a phone line to operate? No. Wow. It's very simple, Katie. It's something that... Me and my friend Al Gore developed together. The idea of this is that what you do is you take millions of people around the world and you can connect them through something called a computer, which is a device that one uses. Now, you can either have one for home use or you can have one in a portable form, a platform where you take it with you. And the idea is that...
You can use this thing called a computer to either write notes to people or keep images stored on this device. And also you can look at pornography. Thank goodness. These are the purposes of this thing called the Internet, and we're hoping that it catches on. How fantastic is it to hear people? not knowing what the internet, and just confused by the whole concept. I don't even remember when life was like that. I remember that. I remember being like, okay, I get the part of the email. I get what that is. But what's the rest of the internet for? What's a website? I do. I remember the day. I remember where I was, the first time I ever used it, and what I pulled off of it. Guitar chords. That's the first thing you did. Somebody showed it to me in the Notre Dame library when I was up at school at Holy Cross. And I go, what do you mean? What are you talking about? And they showed me and I go, oh, my God. I pulled like four Oasis songs, guitar chords. I took them home and learned them that night and was like, oh, my God. This is amazing. That's all I did for a year was guitar chords. That's it. I remember my GM, he says, what do you think about this Internet thing?
You think it's going to catch on? I was like, what do you mean to you? I think it's going to catch on. This is going to be huge. He's like, eh, be gone in a year. Wow. Be gone in a year. Be gone in a year. Well, it started with the AOL CDs we'd get in there. Yeah. And then, or before AOL was Prodigy, before that, and it was only basically an online encyclopedia. Yeah. And it would dial up, and you'd be like, what else are you going to be able to do with this thing? Here's my memory of it. My memory of it. I was working at KCBQ here in San Diego. It was 1994 and had one of those AOL things sent to me in the mail, installed it and got an AOL account. And what I thought was amazing about it was the instant message feature. What I thought was amazing about it was that you could have friends that were on the computer at the same time you were on the computer and that you could communicate back and forth by typing. you know, hitting send and they would see it and then write back to you. And that this could be just like a telephone, but, you know, through the computer. And I remember thinking to myself, this is extraordinary. I really, really like it a lot. And I want to do this a lot. And I have people at the station saying, did you install that on one of the computers? Oh, no. We don't know what that is, but whatever it is, you got to take it off of there and do it just at home.
Oh, no. Sounded like a fax machine when you started it. Yeah. And instead of emails, what they did was they would your boss would write one letter, print it, photocopy it. And then somebody's job was to fold those and put them in your box. Everybody got one in their box. I don't remember like any of this stuff. Like, I just remember. It was there one day. I was so young, I think, that I didn't pay attention. Our kids will never know life without it. Which is funny. They'll be like, wait, wait, wait, wait. You didn't have the internet? How did you do your homework? It's crazy, all the technology that's come along in my lifetime. Well, they invented the telephone. Electricity. You tutored Ben Franklin. The rock. The wheel. The wheel. Wooden dentures. Yes. The steam engine. Yeah. The cotton gin. Electricity. Algae. Slushable toilets. Medicine. Opposable thumbs. Yeah. Walking upright. Oh, my gosh. That is funny.
Woods has put together a compilation of 70s gold today that will just thrill you. It's going to get you. We haven't even talked about it. Saturday, Woods had his baby shower and all of us were there. This is a good time. If you didn't know, the dude that played Mark Zuckerberg, what's his name? Jesse Eisenberg? That's right. He was the guy that hosted SNL this weekend. And they had Zuckerberg, the real Zuckerberg, come on and start talking to him. It's just funny to hear them both going back and forth with each other. The first time they met. Yeah. Is that right? Yeah. Wow. So we'll play that for you coming up next. And we'll also do name that team. We've got a great day coming up today. Oh, I didn't know it was that short. I'm sorry. Sorry. I didn't know it was that short. All right. I'll do it again. I'll give you what you want. I'll give you what you want. K-Wave 97 FM with a little request going out to LOB from Matt. This one's called Just Remember I Love You from Firefly. Oh, my God. Freaking perfect, dude. No call letters, though. That's okay. Disappointed in myself. You said 98.7 K-Wave. Did I start that way? I should have locked out. I'm supposed to lock out. What does lock out mean? Lock out means you give the call letters the last thing. The last thing they hear. You lock it out. Your program director would say,
Hey, on that, if you were air checking, which means you would bring a cassette tape of you talking on the air, you'd listen to it. He'd pause it right there and he'd go, how come you didn't lock out there? Do it the right way. I want to hear you lock out. I don't think that they still say that, though, Mike. I think just as long as you say it one time in your break, then that's all that matters now. Back in the day, though, you don't even have to do that anymore. Because of the new way. It's so not important. Last I was told you had seven seconds to get in and out. Okay, here's the right one. Here's the old way. Here's the old way. The old way would be like this. K-Wave 97 FM and a little firefall. Just remember, I love you going out to LOB from that. It's on K-Wave 97 FM. Wow. That would have been a... But that still could be critiqued. Bro. That would still be critiqued. I could tell you what was wrong with that. That's like watching Jeter take Grounders. Okay? It's still wrong. It is. Still wrong. I still didn't like it and I'm not... Because I could hear, Mike, that you were rushing yourself. If that's the deal. Is that right? Yes, you were rushing. It should sound much more conversational. And so if you really wanted to get that request in or that dedication, my suggestion would be to eliminate who it was from and just say who it's going to. I would have driven to work like this.
Oh, yeah. I loved it because I wanted to be perfect. So here's the perfect way. K-Wave 97 FM with a dedication going out to LOB this morning. It's a little firefall on K-Wave 97 FM. Wow. Holy crap. Conversational. You got the dedication out. You blocked out. You had the call letter. Wasn't rushed. Wasn't rushed. It had everything. I couldn't do that in a hundred tries. I never got to do, like, any talking like that. It was always you had to pre-plan everything, cut out all unnecessary words, get in within seven seconds, and get out. No hitting the post, nothing. Like, quick and out. It's very true. It's terrifying. That's terrifying. I was like, oh, gosh, we made seconds. I'm an idiot. We got Eisenberg hosting on SNL with Mark Zuckerberg, the guy that he played in Social Network, coming up next. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Oh, well. Oh, wow. A Southern California man, he's actually from Imperial Beach. It's on the cover of the UT today. He was caught with explosives in his car outside of a large suburban Detroit mosque.
Now, with him, he had a quantity, an undisclosed amount of Class C fireworks, including M-80s, which are outlawed in Michigan. And he was arrested. And while this was. Well, if that's the case, Jay could be in trouble immediately. I know. While he was outside the mosque, there was a big funeral going on and he was planning to blow it up is what they're thinking. With M-80s? Please. I mean, I guess a guy get in trouble and everything, but. M80s. You'd have to have a truck full. Yeah, those are firecrackers. Yeah. For cash's sake. Jay's like, I eat M80s. No big deal. Here's one of the biggest differences between Jay and I. Jay could have a thousand M80s and feel fine. When I was growing up, if I had one M80, I was terrified that I was going to blow off not only my hand, but probably the hand of every friend I knew. Jay's confident in his... firework knowledge, I was always like, I'm an M8! I'm an M8! I'm an M8! I was like having a kilo. Yeah, it was. Seriously. I'm busted, I'm busted. So scared of it. Okay, and also, have you guys heard of the Extreme Justice League yet? No. In San Diego, it's a group of vigilantes.
Superheroes, if you want to call them. This is for real. Yes. There's been a bunch of attacks in the Chula Vista and college areas, which has caused a local group to take action. They're now dressed in full superhero costumes, complete with a helmet, a cape, and a bulletproof vest. It's not crazy. It's awesome. Wait, wait, wait, wait. And they do what? Well, they look out for people, especially women. They said that they're tired of seeing people become victims, and they patrol the streets to try to protect people. Okay, question. Have they actually done anything yet? Yeah. Intimidated. Yeah. There was a story that they stood up for some woman. There was a man assaulting woman over by SDSU. I have a question. Wait, wait, wait. I need to understand this. Okay. And what did they do? Hey, stop it. Hey, cut that out. No, they'll go up and they'll, you know, get in their face. Did they beat anybody up yet? Okay, here's the message. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a message from Mr. Extreme. That's what he calls himself. Who is like, I think, the head of the Extreme Justice League. Okay. The back of his cape just says X. Mr. Extreme has a message for villains. This is it. If we see you out there and you even think about committing a crime, we are going to stop you and we are going to place you under citizen's arrest. We will slam you on the ground and bring you to justice. Mr. Extreme. There are maybe.
There are easily no less than 1,000 layers to this onion. No question. I have more. Please. Mr. Extreme and his pals are armed with a mace gun, a bulletproof vest, and a taser. They said all of their weapons are legal. Yeah. And they are not afraid to use them. Your thoughts, Woods? I have so many. One, why the capes? To be intimidating. Maybe throw a beret on, like the guys from the Guardian Angels. Did Superman wear a beret? No. They're not Superman. How do you know Superman had to get a start somewhere? Kryptonite was where he got his start. I want them here on these mics. So do I. And a panel. Mr. Extreme said he does not have any law enforcement background, but he has worked in security before. Oh, I feel safer already. Me too. Excuse me, Woods, but what if they help? They will help. I hope they do. And you know what?
If I saw a woman getting assaulted by a man, I would stop and help. Not with a cape on. Yeah, but if you have a bulletproof vest and stuff, you're more likely. Okay, so far, if we're... The cape bothers me. Okay, okay. Hi. Dude, I believe it's more than a cape. I bet you they have made costumes. Oh, guaranteed. I bet they've made full costumes, okay? Extreme Justice League. Now, let me just say this. If we're talking about a scoreboard, Mike Esparza... Zero crimes stopped. The Extreme Justice League won. If they did that in San Diego State. I think they've done a few. They've done a few. Okay, so let's say they've done four. Okay. Steve Woods has helped exactly zero people to be, you know, something with crime. The Extreme Justice League has helped four. Now, is them in costume silly?
Yes. Yeah. Is it also one of the most fascinating things I've ever heard? Yes. Yes. I bet it empowers them to have the full garb on. Do we just take the law in our own hands, though? No. Isn't that what cops are for? They're being legal. It sounds like they're doing it legally. But cops, I think villains will see the cops. Don't call them villains. They're not villains. True Face was a villain. Villains. Villains are anyone that would harass an innocent woman. Just call them criminals. They're not villains. They're villains. They are not villains. Good lord. Villains will see the cop cars coming or the lights or the uniform. They won't expect these people. That's right. And these people are looking for this in the dark of the night. Please call in if you know them. Please call in if you know them. And they're adding an extra layer of... Protection. Extreme protection, if you will. Maybe they have a Facebook page. It's like Neighborhood Watch on steroids. Yeah. I remember when I had my first beer. Listen, I wonder if there's, you know, like somebody that's like thinking about taking somebody's purse on the trolley. And they get on and they see this dude. Oh, yeah. In a homemade outfit. No, it's not homemade. Well, you don't order it. I bet they got a tailor to do it.
I bet it is fancy. Much like your nightgown. Okay, but that's still homemade if they got a tailor to do it. It's badass. I bet it is badass. I bet it is. It's a Comic-Con. It's not. It's intimidating. Okay, here's the thing, though, Woods. If you take an average person at Comic-Con, they're not capable. They think they are. No. Don't they? Maybe they do, but they don't. Only in costume. Okay, here's the deal. Average dude in costume at Comic-Con for keeping score, zero. Yeah. Extreme Justice League, four. Hey, all right. More power. More power. I mean, anybody wants to run mouth. Yeah. All I know is if you're like, it puts dudes from Comic-Con. Guys at Comic-Con, zero. Let's do a documentary on the Extreme Justice League. Please. If somebody knows one, have them call us. I just looked on Facebook for them. I saw a link that they were on MySpace, but I was like, no, that's got to be old. That can't be right. It has to be old. They're not lame or anything. Why would they be on MySpace? I think it's hysterical. I think it's hysterical. And brilliant. And brilliant. That's awesome. And I think there's a part of me that's like, good for them.
And there's no part of me that thinks that they're dorks because they're doing something good. Woods just put his head down like, really? If they're going to wear stormtrooper gear, but if they're protecting the public, let them wear the stormtrooper gear. The nicknames makes it. That's not dorky. Well, that's a way to not reveal themselves. I just described to you an incredible goulash. And your complaint to me is it's got salt in it. Of course it does. It gives it flavor. You call yourself the kid. Get out of here. I was not a self-appointed nickname. You're the one that calls yourself that. I don't. But you still refer to yourself in first person. They require anonymity. I don't wear a cape and carry mace. They require anonymity. Do they really require? Yes, so the villains don't come to their work. The villains? And try to take them out. I love you. I love the whole thing.
I'm fascinated. I want to take pictures of them. I would make it my profile pic on Facebook. Again, you're in the wrong paradigm. Look, the Hamburglar doesn't go by John Wayne. No, that's a bad example. John Smith. You're not supposed to root for him in a real way. Because that would be freaking weird if you did. It'd be weird if you did. You're just supposed to hear the story and go, Wow, that's so not me. I'd never do that in a billion years. Knock yourself out. They are putting their lives on the line for innocent people, and that is awesome. They're not trained. Oh, I know, which makes it so great that they have no training out there. They have security background. They're giving up their nights. The guy worked at the mall. How many girls at SDSU did you help out last week? None, but I would. But you're not. You're not. But you're not. But I would. They are. How many girls at SDSU did you actively go out to protect last week? Zero. Okay. The Extreme Justice League, they got one. No, they actively went out. They went out to do it. To protect the entire female student body. Yeah. They do. They have a MySpace page. MySpace. Guys. See what I say.
MySpace. Come on. Come on, you guys. Well, then we know what the profile is. It must be a 40-year-old man. Are there pictures? Nude in his basement. It says he's 97. No. He doesn't want anyone to know anything about it. Oh, man. If you're in the Extreme Justice League, I would love to have you on the show. But they can't call because of their... We can disguise your voice. We can disguise your voice. We have the capabilities. We do have the capabilities to disguise your voice. So if you are concerned about that, don't be. You can call in and we will change your voice. We appreciate you. We will not reveal your identity. No, of course we wouldn't. You don't need to tell us. This is what we'll do. I promise you. We'll do this to your voice. I'm in the Extreme Justice League and I cannot have my identity known. A more masculine voice, Mike. That's his real voice. That's not even disguised. That's Captain Extreme. You're in the Extreme Justice League. It should be like... I'm in the extreme. Do the deep one. Come on. Don't make them embarrassed. That's their real voice. Listen, I was just trying to give them a different voice, but I understand what you're saying. You want them to be more masculine. Why was this not the top story of the day? This is the greatest story I've ever heard. They've been around since 2008. What? Yeah. Scoreboard for. Much better. Yeah. Give me one of their names that they call themselves.
Mr. Justice. Mr. Extreme. Mr. Extreme. Captain. Yeah. Mr. Extreme. Otherwise known as X. This is X. Maybe you think it's dorky, but I was patrolling the streets this weekend. Stop calling them villains. Hey, first of all, they are villains. They're not villains. You say they're villains. True or false. True or false. False. Is this Jay? False. That is not false. It is true. They commit crimes. Therefore, they are villains. Yes. They're not villains, you dork. They're not. They're not. That's your statement. They're not villains. Look up the word villain. A villain is a perpetrator that commits crime. A superhero is someone that stops that crime. Have you ever seen a nude woman? No, but I...
I'll tell you what I've done. I've stopped crying. Yeah. So, therefore, I am a superhero. Okay. And yes. Do you have superpowers? No. Oh. Yes, I do have superpowers. You do? Yes. My superpower is stopping crying. Yep. By any means necessary. Except for a gun. By the way, what? By the way. Any legal means. young chick wouldn't think that it was badass to date one of these unknown dudes, you are sadly mistaken. Hot girls would. Let me paint a scenario for you. As long as he's not like, you know, if he is... I'll take myself. I'll take myself. I'll take myself. I'll take myself. I'll take myself as my looks, my whatever. And I meet a hot girl.
Okay, I meet Sienna. She's single, whatever. And I say to Sienna, I'm like, have you heard the story about blah, blah, blah, blah? And you're like, yeah, I heard that. And I'm like, I'm one of them. And she's like, no, you're not. And I'm like, I'll show you the thing. Yeah, the cape. And I show you, and I show her all the stuff. She would be like, you've got to be kidding me. Are you out of your mind? This is how that conversation would go. So I'm in the Extreme Justice League. Hang on one sec. Babe, actually, I hate to do this. I got to cancel dinner, but hold on. Excuse me. I'm putting my cape on. Have you ever seen Batman? Yeah, it's a frigging. Batman doesn't have any superpowers. He's just a regular dude. He could fly. Sienna would not be on board with that guy. I'm a little bit different, though. How? Because you're a girl. A hot girl. Ella B wouldn't be in either. Yeah, I would. You're a dork. You're a K-pop. No, I would not. I think that girls would be turned on by a few things. One thing they would be turned on by is the fact that these people, though nameless and faceless, are now famous. Yes. Whether you like it or not, they are now famous. B, they're heroes. They're stopping bad guys from doing stuff. Yeah. I think girls...
Would be all the way in on both things. Anyone who will protect someone or I'll see like walk an old lady across the street. I'm like, oh my God, I love that guy. And this element too, Woods. This element too. Woods, are you telling me that you can't picture a girl going, having lunch at the mall with her girlfriend. They just shopped at Nordstrom. They're eating at the Nordstrom Cafe. Okay. They just ordered a $47 salad. Right. And they're having lunch. Are you telling me that you can't hear a girl go, okay, I've been holding this in for four weeks. You cannot tell anybody. Do you swear? Do you swear you went lunch? I swear. I'm serious, Stacey. Look, do you see my pinky? Pinky swear? Pinky swear, come on. I'm not kidding, though. All right. Okay. I swear. Cross my heart. That guy, Jason, I'm dating. Yeah. So he's cute. But. You may not even know about this unless this is a mic show. You may have heard about it. Oh, my gosh. What, you just saw it? He's in the Extreme Justice League. Do you know what that is? No. There's these people. I thought it was weird. I thought it was weird. That's so uncomfortable. I thought it was weird when I heard it. But I heard about it on the news, and I was like, oh, my God, that's so dorky and funny at the same time. It's on this. It was on the news. Oh, my gosh. There are these guys in San Diego, and they go around stopping crime.
I heard about that. The guys that dress. Oh my gosh. They dress like in capes and they dress like in like uniforms. Holy crap. No. I swear he showed it to me. B.S. I'm not buying any of it. He's dead. He like. And he showed you the cape. Oh my gosh. You're like kind of famous then because we're dating him. He's so famous. You're like. Oh my gosh. You're going to be like one of those like hot wives of like George Clooney or someone that marries. Wait, you're going to marry him. He'd be famous. Listen to me. He tased some meth head trying to take away a purse from some girl. Granted, his day job is at Domino's, but it's no big deal. I saw that in the student paper. That was him. Some crazy meth head was trying to take a purse from some girl. You can do it without a cape. And he, I guess, tased this guy. And he told me not to tell anybody that? He kicked him in the ring. He kicked him in the ribs. Oh, my gosh. Maybe, I bet you, like, if you were in a bar and some guy was trying to hit on you. Oh, my gosh, he would tear them apart. He would probably be up. Well, see, when he doesn't have the uniform on, though, he can't act like that. But he could kick someone in the ribs if he needed to. But he works nights at the mall, so there's no way he'd even be at a bar. Wow, that's cool. I think L.O.B.
Isn't affected by John Mayer coming in and playing guitar and singing to her, but a guy in Chula Vista in a cape. Because John Mayer knows he's cool. A guy in Chula Vista in a cape with a taser and a thing of mace on his side. She's like, I'm going to tase both those girls from talking. I was like, please. Oh, I know. I didn't take my headphones off. Let's see. What have I done? Oh, my God. EBW coming in at 730. Oh, I didn't say the word of the day today. No, the word of the day, I haven't even told you. The word of the day today is stork. Okay, so when I say stork between now and 10, a couple of things. Our last pair of tickets to see Rush and also a pair of tickets to see the movie The Mechanic at any Regal Theater in San Diego. This is a great song. Our boy Jared is on createyourdesignonline.com. Check him out because if you want anything done for your website or anything done, you want to...
create a website, you want to have somebody that does your website or business cards or any of that stuff, Jared's the guy and you can find him at createyourdesignonline.com and you should. When we come back, I've got to give you that Zuckerberg talking to Eisen... What's his name? Jesse Eisenberg. Eisenberg and Zuckerberg talking. Bunch of Bergs. Yeah, Bunch of Bergs. Talking this weekend at... Because Eisenberg hosted SNL. It's coming up. All right, so Eisenberg and Zuckerberg coming up in just a second. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I started something called BeDifferentPack.com. BeDifferentPack.org. Oh, both. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if you go to either one, it'll do it, but it's BeDifferentPack.org. And you can go there and check it out, get a wristband, and basically the whole idea behind it is it's a reminder to be different and make a difference and just be cooler to people than we normally are.
So check it out. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. Woodsy is our sports guy. He's 35. L.O.B., always known as Lauren O'Brien, is our resident comedian. She's our assistant producer. Sienna is our news girl. She's 25. Jay is 47. He's our producer. And our phone screener today is Will. It's Will. I forgot to mention, I have tonsillitis. Uh-oh. That's right. I went to Minute Clinic yesterday. Oh, wow. Sienna, by 1 o'clock today, Way to just not inform a new mother. Listen, I've been antibacterialing. Have you? I have. Bacterialing. I hugged you all weekend. Bacterialing. No, no, no. This happened Sunday. I had no symptoms. You don't understand. I had none. This is a solid gold fact. For real, Sienna. For real. I woke up yesterday. I woke up yesterday. Saturday, nothing. I'm just giving you a hard time. Saturday, nothing. I'm nothing. Yesterday, I woke up and I go, oh, wow, my throat hurts. And Rebecca goes, what's the matter? And I go, I don't know, but my sinuses also hurt a little bit too. So I went to Minute Clinic yesterday. She goes, it looks like cute consolitis. And I go, it's not that cute to me. Do you have antibiotics? Yeah, I do. She gave me some. I got them. I'm using them. What? The mic's messed up again. It is? Yep. Sounds nasally. Yep. It sounds weird. Anyway, so I'm taking antibiotics and stuff.
Maybe it was from all the singing you did Saturday night. It's first what I thought because we were singing. Is it contagious? Of course. I'm antibacterialing. Are you pouring it down your throat? Isolate that. Isolate that. You can't. Does that stink? I'm antibacterialing. Does it stink? No. Look, she won't even let you touch it. She's got to squeeze it in your hand. I won't. Yeah, that's the thing. She never lets us touch it. Oh, boy. That kind smells good. Wait until it dries in your hands. It's not girly. I heard that, Jay. Jay's so creepy. It's okay. Everything's going to be fine. It'll be fine. You've been on antibiotics for about 24 hours, almost.
Yeah, almost. Maybe like five hours? Yeah, like four hours. Since 1.30 this morning. I know. At 1 p.m. today, it will have been 24 hours. So, you know, we're very close. We're reaching into the Girl Scout cookie boxes. Oh, you. Oh. I think you're fine. Monster. I already have it. Oh, my gosh. My throat is killing me. It's kind of like in the back of my mouth. I'm probably just going to take it to the house. You ever just talk yourself into being sick? We get it from you, Mike. You are the worst. We learned it from watching you. My wife wrote me an email this weekend and said, I found out what the problem. First of all, got to start from the beginning. I get a text downstairs, weird. A text downstairs from my wife that says, did you already eat your toast this morning? And I said, yes. This was on Saturday. She goes, did you already eat your toast this morning? I said, yes. She said, well, mine. which I had taken up to her moments before, tastes like turpentine. Now, I didn't want her to think that I was trying to kill her. Right. Poison her. And I was trying to poison her. And so I went upstairs and I go, tastes like turpentine. She goes, yeah. And so I tasted it. It was delicious. There was nothing wrong with it at all. Oh, no. And I go, did you do anything different? She goes, no. And I go, are you sure? She goes, yeah. And she was getting ready. It was a day of wood shower. She was getting ready. And I go.
Did you just get out of the shower? She goes, yeah. I go, did you brush your teeth? She goes, yeah. I go, hmm. Maybe the mystery's solved. No. Yes. I agree. Maybe the reason that the toast tastes weird is because you just brushed your teeth and ate toast. I think people know the difference between minty toothpaste mixing with their food and turpentine. Yeah. That's literally what she said. That's what she said. That's what she said. That's what she said. Wink, wink. We've all been victim of the eat something after we brush our teeth. Bit. Yeah. It's the worst bit ever. We all know what that tastes like. Well, she says it wasn't. So then I get an email yesterday morning that goes, I think I found out what the problem is. And she sends me a link to something called Pine Mouth. She had Pine Mouth. That was the first thing I thought when you told the story, because when I was pregnant, I had the same taste things. And she had that orzo pasta salad with pine nuts in it. Guess what? Just got an email about 10 minutes ago from Rebecca. She just sneezed. The pine nuts were a product of Asia. Well, here's what happened, guys. I get that email from Rebecca that says, I figured it out. Here's what I found. And she sends me this article to pine nuts and pine mouth. And I respond to Rebecca.
And I put LOB on it. And I said, listen to me, you two nutcases. I said, first of all, this article is from the Daily News, which is a British tabloid. Okay. When I got my pine mouth, which was, I don't know, 4th of July weekend, I got mine from abcnews.com. It's a real thing. That's more credible. All right, fine. It's an awful taste. So I wrote back and I said, you two chicks ever just like. Go on the internet and find stuff and work yourself into a tizzy. Into a tizzy. Yes. Yes. I do do that, but this is not one of those times. Rebecca and Lauren O'Brien. If anything happens to them, they're like, they go onto Google and they type in, my thumb hurts. I didn't.
hurt my thumb. It's AIDS. Enter. And Rebecca's like, I have AIDS. It's AIDS. Why? Because I hurt my thumb and I didn't remember doing anything to it so I googled it and it says I have AIDS. AIDS. You figure it out though. It's where it starts. AIDS starts here. AIDS starts here. I'll tell you what. The pine mouth taste that you get is it cannot be ignored. It cannot. I bet it's disgusting. Everything you put in your mouth. Everything. And I did my research to find that it's not just any Do you ever do research? Yes, I do. Where'd you do your research? It's the library with the microfiche? They said dot com. I did it on the internet. They dot com. They say. No, I looked for credible sources such as ABC dot com. I heard dot com. Other people who explain or experience the same thing. It's a strand of pine nuts out of Asia. Well, guess what? Asian pine nuts. Rebecca checked the box of the pine nuts because she said she bought these pine nuts that she doesn't usually get. And she said that they're Asian. I said, was it playing a ukulele? Oh. Ukulele. Get it. I get it. Lauren likes Asian ukulele players. Ukulele. Ukulele. They're beautiful. And so Rebecca said, yeah, it's from Asia. She still have it? Still am out. Last a few days. Freaking Asians and their pine nuts. I know. Unbelievable. It's not their fault. Isn't it? Sitting there playing the ukulele and making bad pine nuts. It's the worst. It literally.
It's a mix of, like, bad breath and quarters. It's like there's a permanent penny in your mouth. Quarters. That is such a great explanation. Dude, that was awesome. I get it. Now I'm like, ooh. It's like, yeah. And then the more flavorful thing that you eat, you think that that would mask it. Like, I was trying to eat the spiciest food I could to kind of, like, combat it. The more amplified. The taste was. Rebecca and L.O.B. were going back and forth with like five emails going, how long does it last? Well, for me, it lasted about this long. Well, what should I eat? I need bland food if I were you. Well, what should I sell? And you're on all these. I'm on all these. And I'm watching them. You started it. I know. I did. I did. You have to. I'm like, witches be crazy. Yeah. Witches not be crazy. I hope you get pine mouth. I will not. I'm sorry. You're going to get it one day, Mike, and then you're going to say, I'm so sorry, L.O.B. Can you imagine him with Pine Mouth, like, not enjoying his food? You know how he, like, Mikey, you know how Mikey, like, makes love to his food? Like, his food is everything. It's very erotic. He's very erotic with his food. Every bite is very well planned. It's true. He's very erotic.
With his food. It's like a love-making experience for him. He's a fine art. It is. It's an art. He's a beauty. You're like Monet with a canvas. I eat very fast. In fact, I eat faster than... I'm a foodie. I like food. Mike has intercourse. He slowly undresses that. You should see him like rolling up a tortilla. It's very sensual. He seduces it. He seduces his eggs and tortillas. Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. Kielbasa. Watch what I'm going to do to you, Kielbasa. I'm going to put you on a pizza, and then I'm going to douse you in a vinaigrette-based hot sauce. It's so true. It's so true. Sounds delicious. I never noticed until Wood said it.
true. I'm very passionate about food. He has a moment with it. Some people just eat because it's there and they're hungry. Mikey takes his time and carefully prepares each and every bite so that it has a little bit of everything in the same bite. It's a whole experience. It's like making love. It's not. Like making love. It's like you have a serial killer sort of tendency. Yes, yes. And it's no different with your food. Exactly. Just like that. I wouldn't say anything wrong with it. She's like, you methodically organize your victims. And by victims, I mean sandwiches. You're like the Dexter of sandwich eating. It's exactly right. When he's done, he grabs the napkin, just the corners of his mouth, and blots them. I blot and sits back and just... Only the corners, though. You pour Evian water all over your hands. Has grapefruit sorbet between each scorch. Cleanses the palate. Out of a tiny little bowl. You do, you make love to your food.
I didn't know it was that pronounced. I don't think it's that you make love to it. It's passionate. I think you make love to it. When I prepare, I make sure that I've got the finest ingredients and that they're fresh. So what I'll do sometimes is I'll get in the car early, early in the morning before the dew breaks. And I'll take a drive. Sometimes on a Saturday morning in the middle of summer. I like to take a drive out to Chino Farms, don't I, yes? I like to take a long, relaxing drive out to Chino Farms and select. Sometimes, on such a day, I'll buy some nice fava beans. They go perfect with the spring lamb, don't they? Do you like to prepare your steaks, Mikey? Do you like to prepare them? What's the perfect seasoning?
Do you prepare chutney or not? And if you do prepare chutney, do you also prepare the perfect amazbush? An amazbush that will cleanse, yet at the same time thrill. Thrill to the point that you've almost experienced some sort of sexual gratitude. Is the alfalfa ripe yet? Is it alfalfa? Are the alfalfa sprouts ripe yet, Mikey? Tell me and don't lie or I'll know. You see, when the spring comes, it doesn't just bring the rain for Mikey. It brings the New Zealand land. It brings the Chilean sea bass, doesn't it? It brings Cajun blackened food. I have to commend Jay for not getting weird with the sexual jokes there. Okay, pretty good. Congratulations. Every once in a while.
I kept wanting to say, it puts the butter on the biscuit. Show me the big ones. Puts the butter on the biscuit. All right, so now I will play for you Eisenberg, Jesse Eisenberg, who played Mark Zuckerberg in the movie Social Network. Andy Sandberg. A lot of birds. Eisenberg, Sandberg, and Zuckerberg on Saturday Night Live this last weekend. Here's what happened. And of course, you know, I wasn't really doing Mark Zuckerberg. You know, I was I was interpreting a fictional character in a movie script. You know, Jesse, I don't know if it came up. Thank you for thank you for coming here. Wait, have you two not met? No, no, no. I'll be going. Sam Bird. Ouch. So, so.
Yeah, yeah, that's good. I really, really, really liked you on 60 Minutes. Thanks, man. Yeah. You ever end up seeing the film, the social network? Yeah, I did. Cool. Oh, thanks. And what did you think? It was interesting. Basically, I thought if I could just extract all of his information, that I could essentially clone him. Did you? And then I thought that I could have his clone beat the crap out of him. That's Mark Zuckerberg. This is Larry King. Let me ask you a question, Zuckerberg. Okay, fire away. What do you do? You ran the internet? Is that the deal? I don't know if we have enough time. I don't have time, Larry, to cover what it is I do. How do you respond to people that say that guy's just a nerd? I really don't respond to those people because I feel that they are not worth their weight in gigabytes. What is that whole thing about poking? Is that sexual?
On the Facebook with the poking? You know, it's not really meant to convey a sexual undertone. It can really be whatever the user puts on it will be what the message is. If I poke you, what is that? Does a guy poke another guy or do you only poke? You can? Really, the poke is in the eye of the beholder. So it's really up to you, Larry. What am I saying to somebody? Like if I poke my brother. Okay. Is that weird? No. What is he going to think of it? I really don't know your brother, but I would have to say that maybe you would do it because you would say, like, hey, what's up, bro? Okay, but if I poke him, okay, what if I poke a girl? Can I get sued? No. So if I poke a female co-worker, is she going to say to me, hey, Larry's poking me, boss? I certainly hope not. What if you... What if I... So poking is universal. It is worldwide. Have you ever made love? All right. Here's the thing for you. Don't answer that. Looked like you were uncomfortable with a question. Have you ever met Puff Daddy Combs? I have met him as P. Diddy. His name is Sean. Correct. He used to be my favorite member of the show. Of what show? The Mikey Show.
I'm not familiar with that program. On the radio? I don't listen to radio. Yeah, he used to dress as an animal and make love at raves. I think they call that a fur. No, it's a furry. A furry. Yeah. You ever do that, Zuckerberg? Not. Not that, uh... You ever dress like a... You ever dress like a lamb and make love at a rave? Uh... That's not really relevant. You ever have punch with booze in it? I think one's at a frat party. What is that frat party? Fraternal order of a brotherhood. It's a brotherhood. So is that like, were you in the Ku Klux Klan? That's not, no. That's a fraternal order of Nazis, right? That's offensive. I am Jewish. Yeah, no, I didn't mean it like that. I just was wondering if you were in it. Are we done? No, I got a couple more questions and we'll wrap it up. All right. Kind of thing is Facebook, because I'm not on it. What is it supposed to do? It's a social network. It's a virtual network of people that... What's that word, virtual? What does that mean? It means it's not the actual... Okay, so we're taking everything that you know in your life. Say you have a neighbor, I take it. Yeah. You have friends that you see at a party. Yeah.
It would take all those experiences and put them into an online community, which is not an actual community in the sense that you know it, Larry. It's online. Why don't I just go over to my neighbor's house and just knock on the door? Hey, what are you doing? This is an extension of that. You could take a picture of that neighbor and possibly tag them in a photo album. What do you mean? You put them on a photo album and you say, hey, this is my neighbor. Yep. Meet him. You could do that. Or maybe your neighbor's on there and wants to see pictures of himself. What's the deal with poking my neighbor? If I poke my neighbor, is that gay? Oh, Larry. All right. That concludes this interview with Mark Zuckerberg, famous millionaire. Billionaire. Yeah. Famous billionaire. Yeah. Correction. Billionaire. You have $1.4 billion in assets. Is that correct? That's an understatement, but let's go with that. Here's what we learned. You can poke anyone. Zuckerberg is not in the KKK. He has never been a part of the Ku Klux Klan. Never will be. Claims to have never made love to a woman, but he didn't say. He didn't actually say. And believes that you should have what he calls virtual relationships with people. That's correct. Which means they're not.
quite real. Me, myself. They're real. They're real, but they're not in person. It's an extension. It's an extension. My niece, Barbara, has hair extensions. I would not poke her on Facebook. You don't have to. Sounds weird. This is what you call a music bed. It's your problem. Love it. Right. Who's that, your publicist? Uh, yeah. Well, he's my, uh... He's like a gopher. Exactly. I go for stuff. So if he needs something, you go get it. Yeah. What's your name? Bill. Bill, he ever poke you with Zuckerberg? No. Question. Don't get nervous. He doesn't really allow me to talk. You probably get paid a lot, though, right? I make $100 million a year. Sorry. You want your Asian massage now? Yeah. Okay. Let's... Well, first of all, what do we got? 7.30, EBW's coming in, right? Yep. So five minutes from now, EBW's coming in.
And we also got sports coming up. And Woodsy's going to tell us. Oh, we got something real special for you today. Yeah, we do. M1 Hawk, Woodsy's dad, is in studio. M1 Hawk is actually going to fill us in on the happenings at Torrey Pines this weekend in the Farmers Insurance National. Sure. All right. Did I already play that? I've never done that. No, first. It's the first time I've ever done it. First time. Shouldn't, you know. Never just feast. Food is always going to come right when we're going back in the air. EBWB in here in just a second. Word of the day is stork. So when you hear me say stork between now and 10 o'clock when I work that into a sentence, we will need you to be caller number nine. You'll get the last pair of Rush tickets that we have, plus a pair of tickets to see The Mechanic at any Regal Theater here in San Diego, courtesy of CBS Films. Got a special for you today.
And Woodsy's dad, M1 Hawk, is going to be doing a little recap for us of what happened this weekend in golf because he is a big golf fan and happens to be in town because this weekend was Woods' baby shower. And so why don't we get into that? Why don't we do a little bit of that? Let's do a little Woods on sports. Woods squared on sports. That's right. Oh, boy. Yeah. Woods is on sports. Woods is on sports. Woods is on sports. Woods on sports is brought to you by our friends at Frank's Red Hot. There you go. Well, I fell asleep watching the Pro Bowl yesterday because the Pro Bowl is one of the most meaningless things I have ever seen. And it was...
They scored 96 points in the Pro Bowl, and the linemen just kind of stand up and let people sling it all over the field. One of those people slinging it was one Philip Rivers. Did throw a couple picks, but boy, he was slinging it all over the field. Here's his touchdown to Reggie Wayne, cut one. Fourth and nine from the 16-yard line, and Rivers throwing. Rivers to the end zone, and a double coverage caught. Reggie Wayne, touchdown AFC. How do you get excited, though? If you're the announcer, you're like... Great. I mean, you know, Woods and I were talking about this, you know, because I used to enjoy the Pro Bowl much more than I do now. The one thing that I still enjoy about it is you are getting to see extraordinary dudes on display. Sure. Whenever Phillip Rivers throws a 50-yard bomb, it's pretty cool. Pretty cool. You know, I like seeing it. And then, obviously, the second top story of the day was the Tipsy Crows won yesterday 11-4 over the Blaze, backed by a strong performance from Dan DuPont through seven innings of two-run baseball. Your boy here was two for five with three RBIs, and my boy Pat McClure was two for four with two RBIs. We won 11-4, and we're finally in the win column, and your boy's leading the team in RBIs. Not even just the score, the whole rundown. You couldn't even squeeze it in there like that? Just feast on that, everybody. Woods is also leading the team in strikeouts, but it's okay.
Woods is in an adult baseball league called the SDABL, the San Diego Adult Baseball League. ABA, new league, San Diego Adult Baseball Association. What is wrong with you, Mike? Alliance, I'm sorry. Alliance, alliance, alliance. The San Diego Adult Baseball Alliance. Not now. The reason that it's the SDABA is so that human beings can distinguish the difference between the fact that children play. That's called Little League. S-D-Y-B-A. That would be the youth. And then you have grown up people that do it as well. Some people call it semi-pro. Those people would be delusional. No. It's semi-professional. Pride before the fall. Wow. What do you mean pride before the fall? I'm not proud. When you're a semi-pro, you are what you are. No, I meant the leading RBI. Oh, yeah. I would say writing the following in your recap today. Give me that recap. We had our first home visit scheduled, but the social worker had the flu. So that allowed me to coach Little League and then go play.
With my boys in the tips of crows. Who's this reading? Woods. Oh, is it? Identical. Had three RBIs. You ever just an RBI machine? That's right! Oh, my gosh. You ever just an RBI machine? Yep. Wow. Don't wink. Don't wink. Don't wink. Don't wink. Don't wink. And then... You deliver that story in your sports. Second. Second story. It's the second biggest story. Wow. In only your world. San Diego Adult Baseball Association. Yep. Oh. Even the Tipsy Crows listening are like, really? No, they're not. They're stoked. They're stoked. They're like me. Yeah. There was also, I guess there was a golf tournament here this weekend out of Torrey Pines. My dad, M1 Huckle. Tell you all about it. Well, the annual stop on the PGA Tour was here in San Diego this weekend. And for three days, it was glorious weather. And Bubba Watson ended up being your winner at 16 under par. He was very emotional after the win cut, too. It's just like Tiger Woods, you know, when he won his first tournament after his dad was gone. You know, it's a hard thing because your family's not there to celebrate with you. So it's tough. That's wow. That's an emotional thing.
That's an emotional thing. His dad in the last year passed away, and this is actually his second win in the last six months. It's very emotional. My dad was out there yesterday. You were, Hawk? Tell everybody when you got there. I got there about 6 a.m. after I took them to the airport. Oh, wow. And they said the course wasn't open, so I sat in my car for an hour. Oh, wow. But I got a great parking space. Oh, that's good. When you go there, do you pick a spot, stay there, or do you follow your favorite golfers? No, actually, I go to the range to watch some guys warm up. And then I followed a couple groups, Tiger Woods, John Daly. They were off early just because they were way behind. I need them right on that mic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. Sorry. Gotcha. Sorry. There you go. So you got to see all the guys warming up and doing their thing. Yeah. And actually, there's a young teenage phenom here in San Diego, Anthony Peluso. And I stood next to his father in the driving range and talked to him for a little bit. Of course you did. Of course you did. What did he say? He's originally from Dallas. And they just moved here about a year and a half ago. And they're working with the Titleist Performance Center up in Carlsbad.
So he's psyched to be here. How old is this kid? He's a senior in high school. Wow. Made the cut. Made the cut, finished three under par, two strokes better than Tiger. Ridiculous. Oh, my gosh. Ridiculous. The kid from Carlsbad. How do you like that? He's a great talent, but I don't know about his decision making. He's signed up to go to USC. Oh, that's not real, Brian. See, like father, like son. What am I going to do? So he goes back to school today. People are like, what'd you do? What'd you do? He's like, ah, just beat out, just edged out Tiger Woods. Just beat him. I was watching that tournament. I put it on Facebook. I kept watching it going, I live in this town. That is the most beautiful city I've ever seen. And I live here. I live 10 minutes from that place. It's great. It's incredible. Beautiful. It was a lot of fun. And his father said, well, he's got a great future in front of him. He said, looked at me, he goes, I've got a lot invested in this golf swing. Oh, I'm sure. I bet. So I hope he does well.
I hope so, too. That's so cool. You talk to him. That's awesome. Of course. Like father, like son. Good sports guy over here. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Doing the job. We've got a ton of stuff to talk about, too. The Philadelphia Eagles. Thank you, M1 Hawk. That was great. What's his dad doing? He knows his golf. Inside school. Yeah, you know, it was great because I didn't even have to look at any news about the golf tournament. It was great. What did M1 Hawk do? M1 Hawk took care of it. The Eagles have made a decision as to what they're going to do next season, LOB. They are going to put the franchise tag on Michael Vick. Now, Kevin Cobb was the starter. Got hurt. Poor guy. This guy's got in the runaround. Poor guy. Vick never gave up his starting job. He came and he played so well. So here's what they're going to do. When they tag Michael Vick with the franchise tag, he will get the average salary of the five highest paid quarterbacks in the league. Now, as everybody knows. There's a new collective bargaining agreement. It's not known how that's going to affect that. But, I mean, hey, they tagged him. He's going to be an eagle for at least next year. They are now shopping Kevin Cobb. Well, I mean, Michael Vick is real good. He is real good. And if Cobb can start somewhere, he should. Yeah. I'm still not sold on that guy. I haven't seen much out of the dude. Get him out.
In other Eagles news, David Akers missed a couple of easy field goals during the playoffs. Everyone was kind of, you know, obviously when a field goal misses a 41 and a 34-yarder in a big playoff game that you end up losing, you know, you're kind of mad when you're a fan. He kind of had a reason, man. They found that his six-year-old daughter, Haley, has a malignant cyst in her left ovary, was removed after the game. He had just found out about it, and obviously his head was in another place. So, you know, if you're the praying type, pray for the Acres family. Seems like a really good dude. And that's it, man. Woods on Sports. You're going to like this, Woods. There is a guy on the line right now, and he wrote us an email. And I thought that it was interesting enough to put him on the air. And his name is M1 John from Poway. Are you there, John? Not too much. Now, John wrote an email, said that, first of all, your kid is how old? He's like six. Okay. And he has this project that he can get extra credit on if he reports on the Steelers. Because they're in the Super Bowl.
The teacher's probably a... Go ahead. I mean, I don't really understand it, but the teacher, if he wanted to get extra credit, he could... Now I get studying up on the Pittsburgh Steelers, and I'm a huge Chargers fan, and I can't stand it. Okay, now, in fairness to the teacher, this was not just extended to your son. It was extended to the entire class. And so, you know, now he's walking around. He's talking about, you know, Big Ben and Troy Palamaro. Oh, no. It's awful. I mean, Woods, I mean, seriously, how pissed would you be if your kids walk around talking about the Steelers? You would flip. Well, I'll tell you, that wouldn't bother me as much as if it was the Red Sox. The Red Sox would probably send me into a tailspin. But I'm not naive enough to think that my kid's not going to come home one day and be like,
Sorry, Dad. My brother did it. He tried other bits and stuff. You watch his Yankees now, but I never did it. I never did it. Whatever my dad liked, that's what I like. But it would break your heart. It would break my heart, but I'd be like, if you want to be a clown and root for the Red Sox, then have a ball. No way. Take that back. I can't take it back because I've got to tell you guys. Coaching this little league thing I've been doing? Yeah. Kids picking up a lot of stuff about being a dad. A lot of stuff. Yeah. A lot, a lot of stuff. So I can't freak out. I'd be like, hey, go get the extra credit. I mean, your kid's going to like who they want to like. You know, it would bother me for about a minute. But then I'd be like, you know. I don't believe this. Well, you're either going to have. What do you do? What can you do? Are you going to punish? Are you going to force him? No, but you say. I'm going to be in Connor's ear from the day he's born. You are not going to be in Connor's ear. Red Sox. Is Connor going to wear the onesie that I got him? No. It says, there's three things in life I hate. A wet diaper, an empty bottle, and the Yankees. They used to clean our toilet. Yeah, you see, you're not going to let your kid. I won't not let him. How about that? Does that make sense? I won't not let him like who he wants to like, but I won't be happy about it. You won't let him like the Red Sox. That's true. M1 John. M1 John.
Yeah. What are you going to do about it? Yeah, I mean, obviously, it's extra credit, and you want your kid to do well in school. But, I mean, I didn't think you'd be disappointing me quite this early. I'm sorry, man. You know, you asked me two weeks ago, I probably have a different story. He's talking about his son. That's when they're going to really start to disappoint you. But, I mean, he's only in the sixth grade, and I'm already like, you've got to be kidding me. Where does he go to school? I don't want to say. My wife said I could tell you guys about it, but as long as I didn't say his name. Oh, that's great. I'm just imagining if Jenna came home with homework assignment and my husband's a huge Steeler fan and it was for another team, he'd be like, no, you're not doing it. I'm going to write a letter to the teacher. What if it was like a division rival? Oh, yeah. Oh, that'd be even worse. What if he came home and... Jenna's supposed to get extra credit for reporting on the Ravens. I'll tell you exactly what Todd would do. He would write a letter to the teacher and say, you need to come up with another type of extra credit so that my daughter... I have an idea. Can I suggest an idea for M1, John? Why don't you talk about how many losses the Steelers have had? How many times they've made it?
to, what are they, an AFC? Yeah. They've made it to the AFC championship and haven't converted it into a Super Bowl win. There you go. Why don't you talk about all the... He didn't say. He didn't say. Like, the teacher didn't specify that it had to be a pro. Yeah. Talk about some of the greatest mess-ups. That would be hysterical. That is hysterical. Those are facts. That's a great idea. John... I love it. Yeah. There's the answer. I mean, you don't want to turn away those free points that... That your kid's getting. He'll still get the points, but it'll be talking about, you know. That's positive. That's good. John, what were you saying? All the work takes. Yeah. All the busts. Yeah. Letdowns. Yeah. The Cordell Stewart's of the world. Yes. You know. Yeah. A quarter of it can be on Cordell Stewart and the Monumental Breakthrough. You can do five pages on Cordell Stewart. How many fumbles Ben Rappelsberger has had in his career? Have your kid report on the allegations. How many allegations? Oh my gosh. He won't do it, this kid. How many allegations? He'll be the only one to have those ones. Oh my gosh. That would be good. But I couldn't freak out. I'd just look at him and go...
You're breaking my heart. You know you would do that, though. You're breaking my heart. If your son had to do it about the Red Sox, you would be like... Oh, I talk about Bill Buckner. I talk about, you know, well, great, you won three World Series. How many World Series versus how many Yankees World Series? 100%. I love it. Sorry, versus. Versus. You and Sienna, verse. It's cut in half. It's fine. It's the new clever bit of 2010. No, I've always said that. I've always... I don't think I've... I've never said... Mike Verse, L-O-B. I don't do it on purpose. I do it because I'm stupid. You've always done that? Verse, yeah. You've never said verses? Mm-mm. It's weird. It's weird. I'm not doing it to be cool. I'm doing it because I'm wrong. It's the new thing. It is the new thing. I only heard it. It's not the new thing. It's new. I heard it starting last year. She's bringing it. She's bringing it. I've always said verse. I've always said verse. Yeah. It's just wrong. Yeah, it is. It sounds better. 5701949 if you have an idea. Thank you, John. I appreciate it. Good luck, buddy. I love L.O.B.'s answer. Right? That's great. Yeah, it's great. Teacher didn't say it had to be an essay on the Steelers that is pro-Steelers. Yeah. Just stats. Sure. But they just happen to be stats of...
When they've messed up. I think what's bothering him is his kids coming home like, yeah, Big Ben and Troy Palamala. If my kid came home and was like, hey, Dad, did you see Pedroia last night? I'd be like. He's probably saying things like, Dad, did you know that Ben Robberger is the first? All these things. He's like, great. Perfect. You know what else it depends on? It depends on the teacher. Because my eighth grade homeroom teacher, I couldn't stand. And he loved the Cowboys. And that's all he was about was the Cowboys. The Cowboys. And he made me into a 49er fan. Yep. Yeah. Exactly. Made me into a 49er. Because of his bits. Because of his bits. Taking it too far. I didn't like him. And because of him, I didn't like the Cowboys. Because he talked about them incessantly. 570. 194.9. You don't like the Cowboys anymore. You don't like the Cowboys anymore. I did at that age. Yeah, I know, but you don't like him anymore. You don't worry about them. Have you not told your father who's sitting next to you that you're... He's not a Cowboys fan. Okay. No. We're Notre Dame and Yankees. But you think Romo is a clown, so you're out. Yeah, you've said that. He's a clown. And you've denounced... I have denounced. The Cowboys. But you don't worry about him. That's fine. You've defected to be a Chargers fan. Yeah. You do not like the Cowboys. You've referred to them as clowns. Yes. The Clown Boys. The Clown Boys.
Cow clowns. The Dallas cow clowns. The clown boys. The Dallas clown boys. M1 Sean from San Diego. Yeah, they didn't say anything about whether or not you could use a comparison, right? So you could be like Ben Roethlisberger through this many interceptions. Phillip Rivers, however, this year only did this. That's great. I love that. That's great. I love that. This is the tipsy crows catcher, Sean Marrow. By the way. How do you know? Because I know his voice. He's one of my teammates. What are you talking about? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Nice game yesterday, pal. Nice game yesterday. It'd bother you longer than a minute. Yeah, it'd be a few days. You're right. Maybe an hour. Maybe you throw your helmet some more. Yeah, I know. You can throw your bat, too. Do you? I threw my new bat yesterday. Oh, my gosh. New bat? The one that... says the kid on it? Yes, which I didn't do. I didn't do it, you clowns. You were mad at it when you saw it. Oh, hell no. I was mad at it, but I didn't do it. The new baseball bat that you have in the San Diego Adult Baseball Association that says the kid. Now, wait a minute. Am I to understand that semi-professionals pay to play in their league? We have a sponsor.
You do now, but when you joined the league, did you ever write a check? Yes. Did you, as a semi-professional, ever travel to other cities to play teams? Yes. Did you travel by coach or by plane? Well, since it's 2011, nobody travels by coach. Oh, I meant flying in coach class on an airplane. Oh, coach class. No, we are thinking about down the road playing some out-of-state tournaments, like in Vegas. And in Mexico, actually. In Mexico. But for now. Would you be paying for your airfare to Vegas for Mexico? Oh, okay. Maybe, unless we could get our sponsor, the Tipsy Crow, to pony up some dough, then we wouldn't have to. Wow. But I don't know that they'd be interested in sponsoring a team going to play somewhere else. Well, when you go to play the different teams that you play, do they have a locker room? In the high schools that we play it, there is a locker room there. We don't necessarily have access to it, but there is one there. There's the one there. So where do you put on your uniform? Well, for example, yesterday I had Little League practice and I drove to...
Hoover High School, which is where Ted Williams played. Right. I play on the same field. It's pretty cool. Yeah. I got dressed in my car on the five. Okay. All right. All right. Okay. Okay. Different than what Heath Bell does, but still it's not that different. That's why he's pro and I'm semi-pro. Does that make sense now? Yeah, that makes sense. A league of your own. A league of your own. Well, that's girls. Yeah. Now, when do you get paid? bi-weekly or do you get paid weekly? You know, the way that it works is since we don't pay, it's like you get it in one big chunk because you don't write a check. Does that make sense? When does the money go in your bank account? Well, it doesn't come out. You see what I mean? It never comes out. So it's like it's in there. What sort of insurance coverage do you get? Well, we sign a waiver at the beginning of the year absolving them. From any responsibility if we get hurt. If you get hurt. Now, I have an insurance policy, and my wife has one on me. Through the baseball team. No, through Lincoln Financial. But that's here. That's where you work here. Right, and through State Farm. If anything happens to me, I have insurance. Do you have different jerseys for home or away games? We have one jersey. Oh, okay. Right now. That's all you need. How many do you need? So you don't have an away and a home. Well, it's all home. Got it. We're all here in San Diego. Got it.
It's predetermined who's the home team and who's the way before we get there. Do you guys all have the same cleats? No. Those are not sponsored. No. Okay. You buy your own cleats. Whatever fits well with you. Got it. Semi-professional. Semi. There you go. Keith Bell. Yep. Professional. Right. Steve Woods. Semi-professional. Semi-professional. Does that make sense? That's right. Every Sunday I live my dream. Not Monday through Friday here on the Mike Show. Occasionally on Mondays he tells us about living out his dream. Yeah. Occasionally. Occasionally he'll tell us about living out his dream. You're just knocking three runs real good. Oh my gosh. What's your new bat? You ever just jinx yourself? Yeah. I know. Struck out three times too though. Swinging? Yeah. Every time. At least he went on swinging. That kid goes down swinging. There you go. I thought Sweeney was going to teach you. Never heard back. The only part is phone call. Yeah. Or text. Oh, my gosh. I love you. Never heard back. Hope everybody's doing well. I love you. I love you. I just looked out the window here in the studio and Eskimo Blue Waters is filming. Sure. She was supposed to be on at 730. It's 757. So when we come back, we'll have.
Eskimo Blue Water's in the studio. She says she might make national news. I wonder if she's going to date Charlie Sheen. That would do it. Hey, guys. By the way, I just want to remind everybody. We're getting close to Valentine's Day. And since we're close to Valentine's Day, you really have to pay special attention to your mother. Yeah, how you doing? This is Uncle Victor for Visit Your Ma. She's my sister. Why don't you visit her? What's the matter with you? She changed your diapers and everything. How come you don't visit your ma? Hey. Visitor. Are you visiting your ma? Visitor. Because if you ain't, you're some kind of loser. Freaking visit your ma already. Wow. Visitor. You be called her? Visitor. Does she change your diapers? Visit your ma. Why don't you give her a call? Go visit, maybe. Visit your ma.
Why don't you stop by? Give her a kiss on the face. Hey, ma. I love you. Love you, ma. All right? Visit your ma. Ma. Don't forget her at Valentine's Day. It's Valentine's Day. Visit your ma. Go say or call her. Call your ma. Hey, ma. Happy Valentine's Day. I'm a schmuck. Huh? Ma. Visit your ma. Ma. Wow. I thought you didn't do drugs anymore, Mikey. I don't. That was Uncle Victor. Oh. Who thinks that you should visit your mom. More about the Obama birth certificate. And Eskimo Blue Waters live in our studio next. Ambrosia. It's code for P word. It's not just a dessert that nobody eats. It's also a kick-ass rock band. So what do you guys think?
Yeah, we're in the meeting session where we're throwing out. We've jammed together. We're doing great. We're going to form a band. We sound good. Like we could get a deal. We sound sweet, like marshmallow sweet. Yeah, marshmallow. Well, I told you guys that when we came here today, we had to have ideas. We got to hammer it out. We got to hammer it out. So here's my idea. My idea is Marshmallow Sunday. And the reason I want to go with that is because I just think it. Who doesn't like marshmallow sundae? But it's not universal enough. Parfait keeps rolling around my head. I thought about s'mores. That's pretty good. What about parfait? You don't like parfait? That sounds French. I think that people have... I'm out. Immediately, I'm out. Sunday? Dude, it's 1976, okay? Parfait, first of all, when the internet's invented in 17 years... It's going to be hard for people to put that into a web browser. Well, nobody even knows. Yeah, nobody knows what parfait is. Cookies and cream? That's good. Bread's already taken. Bread's taken. Everyone likes cookies and cream. Cookies and cream is just a little soft. But that's my whole thing with my idea is that I think everybody likes marshmallows. And I thought that was a brilliant name. What about Ambrosia? That's it.
How do you do it? How do you do it? How do you do it? It just comes to me. You didn't even come prepared with that. I know it. The guy, first of all, he wrote How Much I Feel, and now he just came up with Ambrosia. Oh, man. MVP. I feel lucky to know you. Yeah, you guys should. Well, we're going to make $100 a piece on this next album, so get ready for the ride. You think these guys ever smoked marijuana? You think they ever ate Ambrosia? Yeah. Behind the music, they're like, you know what? We don't even like sweets. Never even tasted it. Yeah, they're like, John in the band, he's diabetic. You'd never know it. You'd never know it. We called the band Ambrosia. What irony is there? John's diabetic. We called the band Ambrosia. He can't even eat Ambrosia. We think it's filthy. It was probably code for something. Back in the day, like Coke or something. They had no idea as they were recording this album that...
Every 55-year-old woman in America would one day love it. And when I say every, I don't mean 99.9%. What I mean is 100% buy-in. 100% buy-in from every 55-year-old American woman in the United States of America. You play this for her and she goes, oh, that's wonderful. It's a delight. It's delightful. It sounds almost like ambrosia to my ears. It is. Okay, let her in, because if we don't, she's going to flip out. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't get so mad. You guys are 43 minutes late. You're lucky to be here. Eskimo. I should say the same for you. Fair enough. Fair enough. Eskimo Blue Waters is a local musician. She's an entertainer. Overall, entrepreneur, artist. You live with your parents. I live in a Mustang. Sometimes I shower up at my dad's house. It's your mom's house too, right? It's my stupid dad's house. My mom's just a freeloader. What? That sounds familiar. She went to La Jolla High. She doesn't like it when I tell people it is. I didn't go there. It ruins her image.
I didn't go there because I wanted to. No one wants to go. I went there as I had to. Her real name is Judy Douche. It's Douche. I think that means douche. Douche. Spelled douche. I'm going to bring in my birth certificate. If I can find it. Are you just copying everything? What? That's Obama's thing. I don't know. Now you don't have a birth certificate. My parents may or may not have been hippies traveling around the world. I don't know if I have one or not. I'll see. You come from wealth? Yeah. LJ? Parents were gypsies. No, they weren't. Yeah, they weren't. If by gypsies you mean corporate magnates, then they were gypsies. Millions of dollars. They lived in whatever means they could around the world. Yeah, and by whatever means they could, you mean a mansion in La Jolla. I can neither confirm nor deny that. Yeah. All of our pictures were burned in a fire. Well, she's trying to make her way.
As an entertainer. As anything, Mike. Anything. Anything. She's tried singing. She's tried yodeling. Yep. Ice cream making. Magic. Ventriculism. Yep. Wow, easy. That. She's done that. Commercials? Commercials, yeah. Commercials, yeah. Yeah. Voice over. I've starred in them. Palm reader. He's not with us today, but you also represent a new talent named... Skittles. Skittles. Yep. White... redheaded kid that does rap. I met him on Craigslist because I sold him my turtle. Small world. Turns out, in this little transaction that we had, I found a diamond in the rough. Where's Skittles been? I don't know. That's a good question. Keep a leash on that kid. Alright, so Eskimo's here today because she said that in the coming days. Yes. And that could be like next week. It could be. Could be this week. I'm going to keep you on your toes. He loves that. You are going to do something that's very passionate, that you're very passionate about. Yeah. Astronomically passionate about. Okay. It has to do with San Diego. Yep. You're not going to tell us what it is. No. But you are going to make a statement through some sort of protest. It will be a... There's no way you won't get the message, basically. And it's going to be...
It will be at a very prominent place in San Diego. And it will be about a very passionate issue in San Diego. And it will feature one of your San Diego favorite musicians, me. Okay. Favorite? Yeah, I don't know. I'm racking my brain. Well, here's the thing, Woods. Whatever it is, I get the feeling she's using the opportunity to promote. No. No. No. No, I'm not even going to put it in my blog until maybe after I do it. What blog? I have a blog on SanDiego.com. See? She just wants to shamelessly plug the fact that she's on SanDiego.com and does a blog there. I have a Twitter page now. What is it? Twitter.com slash official. Since other people would copy it. Official EBW. Yeah, somebody took Eskimo Blue Waters. And it isn't you. No.
Some hack out there. How do we know your Facebook page is you? Because I have you as a friend on Facebook. It's me, but Facebook didn't recognize the name Eskimo as a real name, so I had to combine Eskimo and Blue as one name. It's probably because it's offensive. So you put Eskimo Blue and then the last name Waters on Facebook? I put Eskimo, and they said, do you mean Inuit? And I said, no, I mean Eskimo. What's Inuit? I don't know. Facebook told me. I think it's like the correct terminology for Eskimo. Is Eskimo politically incorrect? I don't know. I don't know. I guess. I mean, I didn't give myself the name Eskimo. Judy, that is something that you are going to want to, you know, check out. You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Don't call me that. Sorry. Eskimo. Yes. Ski. You can call me Ski if you want. Is that the new thing, Ski? That's the bit. Ski. My grandmother calls me that. No, she doesn't. She calls you Judy. She calls you Judy. Or honey. My number one fan. When your father is angry because you've left your Mustang in the driveway and it's left oil stains on his $50,000 driveway in La Jolla. Oh, and he pays HOA fees. Yeah. Well, it's a gated community in La Jolla that overlooks the ocean. Yeah.
And so he gets angry at you for leaving your car park there and it drips some oil. So I don't think he yells out, hey, Eskimo. I think he says, Judy. He says, Judy, Taylor, do she? Taylor. Move that hunk of tin out of my driveway. He says, Judy, Taylor, Taylor. Yeah. Has he ever referred you as Eskimo? No. Anyone in your family? He doesn't want to believe in my dream. My grandmother calls me Ski. Everybody else calls me Judy or just Jujubee. That's something. That's all made up from this very moment. I don't even think her middle name is Taylor. I don't think it is. It's too cool to be her middle name. It's after the guitar. No, it is not. Yeah, it is. Your middle name is something like Ann or Penelope or Pamela. Elizabeth. It's Taylor because my... My mother had a premonition that I would be a musician. My dad won't accept that I'm a musician. You really, your dad and you do not CII. He's an idiot. He's tired of funding her. You know, she's, what, 32 years old? He doesn't fund anything. She's 33 now. 33. I'm not even in my 30s. I'm in my 20s. Right. She's still on his payroll. Right. He's like, dude, come on. He doesn't give me any money. You said you go over there and shower. Yeah, that's it. And eat. Sometimes. Park in the driveway. I eat. I mad eat.
You maddie. It's like mad cry. So you're angry when you're eating. I coined the term mad and then put a verb after it. No, you didn't. No, you did not, Judy. I mad drive. You didn't. No, you don't. Mad sing. No. Eskimo Blue Waters. If you've never seen her, has a Facebook page, Eskimo Blue Waters. Yes. Pretty girl, wears dark glasses. Fake smokes. Twitter.com slash. Official EBW. How many followers do you have? One. Your grandma? Her grandma. Someone named Sydney, and they're trying to get pictures of young singles or something. The only follower I have. So when are you going to do this thing? Are you going to tell us? Oh, yeah. No. I'm just going to keep coming in every day until I figure out. All right. Perfect. Garrett said it's cool. She smells like patchouli oil and cigarette smoke, but she doesn't really smoke. Thank you. Thank you. Wow. I do smoke. You smell a little bit like incense today. She said... Well, I had some Nag Champa in my car because I spilled my dip cup, so I just wanted to... Your dip cup because she went to rehab, she said. So you still are. For cigarette smoke. For cigarette smoke, yes. So now it's just the patch, Nicorette, and dip. And dip. You dip. I need all three of them. You need all three. It doesn't mean I don't still crave the cigarettes because believe you me, I do.
I do. So full of it. But I'll be back. So you guys just... Tomorrow. Same time. Should I show up at 8? I never talked to her about her love life. You dating? You date? It's personal. All right. That's what a prostitute says about kissing. I date. I date. You date. Whether or not I'm dating someone remains to be seen. I don't want it to ruin my image. I want to know if a boyfriend would get to know the real Eskimo. The real Judy. The real Judy. You know? Well, the guy that I'm currently seeing is a custodial intern here in the building. Oh, that's right. She's told us. That's how she gets in. That's how she gets in, yeah. Is that the guy that speaks Spanish? Yeah. We're not serious. I just... Well, you're not serious because you've never been able to speak to him. He doesn't speak English. Yeah, but he's got the hookup, so... All right. He lets you in. Does he know that you're dating? Does he know that you're dating? Um...
Have you ever kissed? No, I flash him. And that's the deal. That's the agreement that we have. The only way that that's an agreement is that that's what she does. They've never spoke because he speaks Spanish. And she speaks English. He sees me. Technically, we're seeing each other. We're seeing each other. They actually see each other. I don't want to tie myself down. Because it's much more appealing to my fans if they think I'm attainable. Right, right, right. Of course you are. Right. I'm elusive. Again, the Twitter is official EBW. Because there's a lot of imitators out there. There's imitators. Yeah. Wow. I wonder if you'll ever have that little blue checkmark next to you. That's right. I'm already a step ahead of you. You've already applied. I'm going to message them to say, hey, this is me. Call me if you want to verify. Yeah. No call yet? No call yet. No call yet. No write back or anything? No write back. No response at all? Nah. All right. Well, let's see how that goes. Thank you. I'll be back. Thank you, Eskimo. She's going to do something she's going to tell us about soon. She said Garrett is cool with it. Garrett, our president director, is probably not cool with it. Well, he probably doesn't even know. She probably never even ran up the flagpole. I did see that they are Facebook friends, though, so she could have a... Garrett and Eskimo? Yeah. I didn't know about the new...
Twitter thing, so I'm going to follow her now. You can follow any of us on Twitter. Mikey Show, and then our name. I'm Mikey Show Mikey. There's Mikey Show Woods. Mikey Show Lauren. Mikey Show Jay. There is a Mikey Show Sienna. People do follow me. I get emails about it. Who has less followers, you or EBD? I don't know. Sienna has followers. Sienna forgot her Twitter password. If anyone knows how to help me. It says right there. You got your password? You got your password? She's like, whatever. Whatever. Maybe get. This is great. Woods, you're going to love this. There was a ref in the NHL this weekend, and he had a little Peter Brady voice change thing. Oh, no. It's hysterical. It's hysterical. I'll play it for you next. Tonight's 8 o'clock album. Four more kids. Mine is yours. You know, one week from today, Garrett will be sitting in this chair doing the Mikey show with you guys. That's right. Wow. Garrett! All of you guys will be here with Garrett hosting. I'm going to be taking Rebecca to a minor surgery for kidney stones. On a scale of 1 to 10. Yeah. How nervous are you? I'm not. I think he'll do fine. Although, I will say this.
One thing makes me really nervous. Really? Woods. Well, when it's your show, it's totally different. Come on. What is it? Me. It's me. No, it isn't. You said it last week. Yeah, that is true, but that's not what I was going to say. Be over. Gear it. No. Gear it. The thing that makes me nervous is I don't think he, does he know where things are? I'm going to have to show him. Yeah. Like, will he know to press Woods on sports? And will he know where pages are? And will he know? It's just one day. And if he doesn't, you know, it's more fun. The breaks will be a lot different. I'll spend a lot of time in there holding his hands. So they really won't be any different. Garrett, he's going to do really good. I'm excited for listeners to get to hear Garrett. The real Garrett. The M1s. Garrett! It's Garrett. If you call in, feel free to go, Garrett! I wonder if Woods will make fun of Garrett at any point. No. I love Garrett. If he knows what's good for him, he won't. What's going on in news, Sienna? Well, there's a new alcohol detection system that could be in all of our cars within the next decade. Mike, why the really? Is that what you said? I didn't say really. Okay. Anyways.
There could be new alcohol detection systems in our cars. Oh, wow. You freaked me out. You're out on it. Me? Yeah. Why would I? Of course. I think this is great. Oh, I thought you were going to give the bit of like, why do I have to be subjected because other people, you know? I don't know. If you're not drunk, then you shouldn't have a problem with it. Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I don't think you should have to blow. No, you won't. I do too. It can tell by your breath or through your skin using a touch. like a touch sensor that could be on the steering wheel. And it won't start your car. Yeah, it won't start your car if you're above .08. Had something like that in my car once. But that was when it randomly went off and you had to blow in it, right? See, that's the deal. That's what I said. I go, I mouthed. I just saw you do something. Yeah, I had one in my car. It was years ago. I know a lot of people that have had them. It's not fun. Yeah, not. What? You guys are being real weird. I know. I know. What? Just what? We're not supposed to talk. You can't. I can. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Oh, there's double rules here. Yes. It's called a double standard. Okay. Okay. Also, Bristol Palin, you may have seen, we actually played one of the commercials of her and Pauly D doing a commercial about abstinence. Like, they're spokespeople for it. Yeah. Well, they were supposed to go. She was supposed to go to the University of St. Louis.
This week to do her abstinence speech. Yeah. And they canceled her. Well, I don't think it's because she had a baby. I mean, that's the reason that I would think she speaks on abstinence is because she didn't, you know, like she's like, hey, I'm an example of what not to do. Here's how I made a mistake. I think what happened was they figured out that she was Sarah Palin's daughter. They were like, oh, I know how the public speaking in that family goes. Yeah. Well, students freaked out and they were like, we won't go. Like basically protesting her coming there. So they canceled. Yeah. Woodsy, what's going on, sports? Yes, Mike. The Lakers took on the Boston Celtics. It was the first time they've played since last, in the finals, in Game 7. And the Boston Celtics were victorious. There's one member of the Lakers that doesn't like losing to the Boston Celtics very much. His name is Powell Gasol. It's a very upsetting loss, obviously. Very upsetting loss. He's upset. We faced different times and very tough battles. At home, it's a game that you never want to lose. But it happened. You've got to move on and learn from it. It's regular season. You'll be in the playoffs. Quit crying. Paul Pierre scored 32. Garnett had 18. And Kobe had 41. You ever hug the ball? 41 points. I know. Herschel Walker.
We had a little combo about this this morning. Herschel Walker was in the news last week. He said he wants to come back and play in the NFL. And Woods thinks he will. I don't think he will. I think he can. Woods thinks that he's going to be an amazing NFL player. I never said that. Probably be in the Pro Bowl next year. He thinks it'll sell tickets. Never said that. I think it'll sell tickets. And I think, hey, if you saw a picture of this dude, you'd be like, yeah, he's in better shape than half the guys in the NFL. Listen, it took a miracle. For Kyle Turley to get back on a football team. And he was like 33 years old. Okay. And he was a physical specimen. You tell Herschel Walker he can't do it, Mike. Because I'm not going to. Okay. Because that gentleman has started fighting. I don't have to. All the NFL owners will. Okay. We'll see. He says he runs a 4-3-40. If he runs a 4-3-40 and looks the way he is, he can play in the NFL. Period. Yeah. If he can't. If he can't, probably not. Well, he probably can't. Well, we'll see. I wouldn't tell him he couldn't. He's now started fighting MMA. He's 2-0 in MMA, but he fights in Strikeforce. And he won his second fight in the first round over Scott Carson. Jerry Rice ran a 4-5. But I'm sure at 48 years old, he runs a 4-3. If you're someone like the Bengals or the Bills, what have you got to lose by adding this guy to your roster? Money. He won't cost much. Yeah, he will if he plays like a turd. He won't cost much.
You want to hear this, referee? Yes. This is pretty good. It's not playing. I think I know why, though. You know why? Didn't have it turned on. Wow. There you go. Well, let's see. We're going to get the call here. After reviewing the play, the whistle was blown dead. The goalie was shoved into the net with the puck. That is not a good hockey goal. Again. Again. Well, let's see. We're going to get the call here. After reviewing the play, the puck was... Oh, my God. The goalie was shoved into the net with the puck. I'm sorry. That's not a good hockey ball. I have to hand it to him. He continued. Oh, he continued. Wow. Even acknowledging his throw. Man. Let's see. We're going to get the call here. After reviewing the play...
I'm so sorry. Is everything okay? Maybe he's a cold. I bet he was screaming before that happened. That is insane. That's a great question. I love it. I just feel funny hearing people crack their voice. Mess up. That's one of the greatest things because girls have to go through everything. And that's one of the things that we get joy out of guys suffering through. It still happens to guys even like when they're in their 50s. Oh, for sure. I'm so glad that it's you guys that get a period. Oh, yeah. I'll trade the crack voice. We get a lot of the bad stuff. We get worse. You guys get to have babies. Yeah, you guys get to have babies. And never recover fully from it. We'll never know that feeling. That's right. It's too bad. Dang it. No, it's an amazing feeling and you should be sorry. Looks amazing. Yeah. Women take care of everything. Yep. They do. And baby comes. Some guys do a bunch of stuff, but I'm not one of those guys. I'm going to be. Are you? Yeah.
Todd's one of them. I'm going to be one of those dudes. Granted, I'll be in a hazmat suit, but I am bound and determined to change those diapers. My wife does plenty around the house. You know what she did yesterday while I was coaching and playing ball? She wrote thank you notes, and I mean a lot of thank you notes. I came home, they were all done. That's kind of what the woman does anyway, because we have better handwriting. That's true, but I didn't even sign them. She did them all. Things like that didn't have to exist. Thank you, Notes. Yeah. You know, are you with me, L.O.B.? Oh, yeah. We've talked. I've made this proclamation. We have? You guys are monsters. We're monsters. Sienna is a real, authentic, and genuine debutante. Right. Okay? She, like, went through the debutante process.
She knows. I had the coming out ball and everything. Just like Tom Cruise. Yeah. Or Ellen DeGeneres. But, so she knows that it is proper etiquette. Someone gives you a gift, you do something in return. How about you say thank you at the thank you? You know, which Woods did at the baby shower. And I followed up with a Facebook message. Yeah. And then we opened the card. Oh, you're welcome again. You're welcome again. No. And it's one of these deals, Sienna, where if you don't send it, like, is there anybody really waiting for the thank you card? Like, where's my thank you card? I have said out loud because I helped one girl with her wedding a lot. Got her a great gift. No thank you card. But did she say thank you when she opened it? You don't open your wedding gifts in front of a wedding. Did she thank you for your help while you were helping her? Maybe. I don't care. I want a thank you card to come in the mail to show me I went out of my way to help her. She should go out of her way for five minutes, not even to write a card. Which, by the way, as soon as you get, you will throw right in the garage. Well, unless it's really heartfelt and I feel touched by it. That's a different kind of thank you note. Okay, so you guys all gave me a birthday gift. I didn't give you a single thank you note. Who would expect it? I wouldn't expect that. Since we worked together. When there's a party for you, you give a thank you note.
Really? Yes. Wait a minute. Question. What? Was I supposed to write thank you notes to everybody that came to my surprise birthday party? No. If they gave you a gift. If they gave you a gift. If they got you a gift, you should have. Yep. Oh, boy. How do they just know? Like, yes, of course. All our kids have to write thank you notes. Absolutely, yeah. Christmas, Christmas, birthday. I'll make my kids do that. My mom was forced to. They're going to have to endure that, too. My mom would take you off the gift list if you didn't. She did not get a... Reply back. It's rude. Thank you. It's rude. You're not getting anything from her again. Well, that means that her giving was contingent on using. She wants you to be polite. That's the deal. This year, the older I'm getting, the more I'm giving. gifts to the people that used to just give me gifts as a kid. So I'm like my godmother and my grandmother, stuff like that. I'm giving them gifts. So I feel like when I give them a gift and they give me one, it just cancels each other out. I don't send a thank you note. They don't send me one. It's different because that's not a party for you. But every other Christmas when I was a kid, I had to send thank you notes. We say thank you. Thank you.
I said thank you a hundred times, but I still, I wouldn't. Individually to every person, thank you for giving me this. Actually, I did. I think he did. I did. Yeah, he did. I blew you a kiss. And then when you open it, you say thank you. Remember, I open it and I go, thank you guys. I blew you a kiss. She wants a card. She's getting one. She's getting one because you have a wife. Because Jamie's written it. I'm getting one, but I wasn't expecting one. You're getting one too. You're getting one. You guys are getting a gift. I'm getting one. I'll never see it. You guys are getting a gift. A gift for hosting. Of course. Weird. No. I actually felt bad that I didn't bring it to the shower I should have. What? But Jamie has Bible study with his wife, so she'll give it tonight. That's unusual. It's not. It's Mike. It's unnecessary, you guys. If someone throws you a party. Say thank you. No. Rebecca deserves it. I don't think it's to you. And not just like if other people helped host it, even though it was at your house, they get a gift as well. Yeah. For my baby shower, there are three hostesses, and they each got these huge orchid arrangements. Well, it's very nice, but not necessary. Rebecca deserves it. She worked her tail off. She did everything. It was phenomenal. You opened your home to me, my family, my friends. You said thank you. That's good enough. A gift is appropriate. Oh, my gosh. That is so unnecessary. We've got this environment where we feel like we just got to, you know.
It's like going to someone's house empty-handed. I do it. You bring a bottle of wine. I know. I guess you're supposed to. Social graces. People say, you invite somebody to something. The first thing they say is, well, what do I bring? What can I bring? I texted Rebecca the morning of the shower. Please let me know if I can do or bring anything. It's like you have to do that. And you know, the shower was for us, and I didn't even do that. Well, no. It's different. And I didn't know what is. Yeah, we texted her and said the same thing. She said, nope, everything's handled. And everything was handled. I didn't notice. Did you notice? What? Somebody comes over to your house and they don't bring something. Do you take mental notes? No. No bottle of wine, eh? But you notice the ones that do bring something. Yeah, that's true. I always tell people, hey, no, we're good. We've got everything we need. But if you want to bring something, you're welcome, too. Because some people just can't come to a party without bringing something. I can't. I just don't have parties and then I don't have to worry about it. Word of the day, Stork. When you hear it between now and 10, call her nine.
Last pair of Rush tickets. And tickets to see the movie The Mechanic at any regal theater here in San Diego, courtesy of CBS Films. So this is going to be a topic of debate because Representative Gifford, the woman that was shot in Tucson, her husband is facing a tough choice right now. Yeah. He's an astronaut. And in April, he's supposed to be leading the space shuttle on a two-week mission in April. He's leading it. Leading it. Yeah. He's been up in space before. This actually will be his fourth trip into space. But, you know, he's leading this one. This is a big deal. This falls in his court. Maybe they need a substitute. Godspeed. There has been a backup commander named. Oh, okay. If he decides not to go because of his wife, you know, who's now in rehab, not in hospital anymore. She's doing a lot better. Well, she's doing really well. Yeah.
Right. For someone who was just shot in the head with a bullet. With a nine millimeter? That's true. So the question is. But she's doing great. Okay. She was shot in the head with a nine. She could take a turn at any moment. Right. Oh, come on. Oh, come on. Very delicate situation. Oh, my goodness. Hey, before you go running around playing astronaut, maybe stay home with your missus that just took a bullet in her head. He's got a very important job that he signed up to do. He's a Navy captain. He's a Navy captain. Yeah, what are they doing up there? Who knows? Messing with satellites? Stay home with your wife, clown. Messing with satellites? What are we doing? Going up and hanging out on the space station? What are we doing? Hey, dude, he's not like one of the geniuses over at Best Buy. He's just drinking some Tang up there real good? What are you doing? Oh, stop. Stay home with your wife. He's traveling into space. Great. They got a backup. Yeah, but not the best man for the job. Sorry, pal. Happy birthday. His entire life. You don't just go in space if you're some random Joe. You work your entire life to get there. He's been there four times. Have you seen Apollo 13? Yeah, he's been there four times. He's the best man for the job. Not his first time. Woods. Yeah. Question. Stay on with your wife. Oh. Question. Sure. You play baseball? Uh-huh. Adult baseball league? Yep. You're going to quit now that Connor's coming? No.
Why would I? Well... If Connor takes a bullet, if Connor takes a bullet... It's not the same thing. No. Do you quit all your extracurricular activities because you have three kids? No, but you say... Well, exactly. But I don't have a problem with him going to his base. If Connor takes a bullet to the head, I'm not coming to work. I'm not going anywhere. If Jamie takes a bullet, I'm going nowhere. But it's been a month, and she... It's been a month. It hasn't been a year. Wait, wait, wait. By April, it's going to be four months. It will be four months. She's already better. She's not out of the woods. She's fine. She's not out of the woods. Out of the hospital. She's not out of the woods. Okay, Woods and LLB. I just want to get the rules straight. Get them down. Get your pen. All right, let me get my pen out. Rules for traveling into space after wife shot in the head. Okay. There's not a lot of precedent here. No, but we're setting the precedent. We're setting the rules now. So first I'll ask Woods and I'll ask you, LLB. Woods, how long does one wait when wife has made good recovery? One year. One? I say until she can verbally tell you without you asking her. Because you know she's speaking fine. To go ahead on the mission. She can. She can tell him. She can? She's speaking fine. But she hasn't. Is she? She's not speaking fine. She has her way of telling him. She was massaging his back. Yeah, she's like Helen Keller telling him. No. She's rubbing it into his hand. No. Giving a guy back rubs. So she must be okay.
Well, she's been upgraded to, you know, she was in critical. Then she was in this. Then she was like now she's like in. Give it a year. She's now gone from the Tucson hospital to a rehab facility in Texas. She's doing great. And more power to her. Great. But she needs her husband there. People in rehab facilities are still not out of the woods necessarily. She needs her husband there, dude. Otherwise, they keep him in the hospital if she wasn't out of the woods. So what about if you're in the military and you have to go to Iraq? Right. And your wife. It's not. It's not different. Well, if your wife got shot in the head and you were in the military. You're in the military. If the military gives you a pass, you take it. If the Navy's giving him a pass, hey, look, we can do this mission without you. You catch the next one, bud. We got a backup. They got a backup. That's not like... This is something he's trained for and loves, clearly. I get that. I totally get that. And he's probably going to be bummed. He's like, dude, it's not every day soon he gets to go to space. Wife just got shot in the head. If I was shot in the head and my wife had the opportunity of her lifetime to fly into space. He's already had that opportunity.
It never loses its luster, being able to go into space for these guys. Well, he'll get to go again. The space program is basically going on hold, so there's not going to be a ton more times for him to go into space. Well, he has a backup. He's got a backup that can go. Maybe stay home with your wife. That's just my, that's what I would do. Doctors have said 100% recovery. Good. And that's awesome. So what is him being home, how is he even going to help her? Yeah, what is he going to do? Nothing. What is he doing? Hold her hand. Moral support. Moral support. Hey, I'm going to be back in seven days. 14, Jay. Okay, 14. Babe, you want another Campbell's? Yeah. Can I fix you a grilled cheese hat? Can I fluff your pillow? Fluff your pillow. Squeeze once for yes, squeeze twice for no. Hey, listen, babe. I know there's 18 people here right now. Take care of you. It's a little selfish. How about she's not even going to know he wasn't there. It's a little selfish. Is it not? No. That's actually the definition of selfish. I don't know. Is that not the definition of selfish? Doing something that you want to do when somebody else may need you? Doing the job you were assigned to do. If she's still in the hospital and is in bad shape, yes, it's selfish. But she has been told to have a 100% recovery. She's not doing triathlons. You know what I mean? She still has a bullet in her head. Yeah, and he's not going...
He's not going to a bachelor party. I get that. He's flying into space to do the job that he was trained. At some point, you've got to try to get back into your normal routine of life. At some point. Maybe not a month later. Four months. Four months later. There's a big difference. I think it's being selfish on the wife's side. She didn't say anything. She squeezed him. Go ahead and go. If she didn't squeeze him. I guarantee she would say go. She probably would. She probably will. If she's well enough to say go ahead and go, then he goes ahead and goes. Absolutely. If she's not well enough to even communicate that to him, maybe he sticks around. Listen, babe, I got a question for you. I have an opportunity to fly back up in the space shuttle for the fourth freaking time. Now, squeeze my hand if it's all right. Hang on. Squeeze once for yes. You already squeezed yes. I haven't said squeeze once for yes. Squeeze 12 times for no. 12? All right. There's one squeeze. Do I have two? No. And I said 12 for no. And you squeezed my hand back. You're good to go. I'm good. Have fun. This is most likely his last trip to space. It probably is. It probably will be. Just get that out there. This is probably his last. Retire and play golf while she recovers.
What are you supposed to do? Maybe be there for your wife. He is there. Never mind. What are you going to do, Woods? I mean, what are you going to do there? Stay with my wife. Stay with my wife and love on her and be there for her and get her what she needs. That's what I'll do. That's a good husband. That's exactly what I would do. Listen. I mean, come on. She would have to say it. You know, if she didn't, then I would go. Like, we have a pretty cool job. We have a job that not everybody gets to go do. Jamie takes a bullet in the head, you guys. See you in a year. I mean, I got stuff to do. I got to be there for my wife. He just took a bullet in the head from an assassin. If my wife, you know, if that happened, see, I don't think that's the reality, though. And I wouldn't expect that of others. How would you live? How would you make a living? I don't think that, yeah, I don't think that's the reality. The Navy is giving him a pass. and us going to work being a bunch of clowns on the radio is different than going to space. I get that, but we have a pretty cool gig. The Navy's giving him a pass. And when he moves from PB, what's up? This is kind of like a crazy story. First and foremost, I usually agree 110%, but I think you're missing one integral part of this. What's that? That's the fact that this dude has trained his entire career. I know, he's been there four times. He's been lucky enough. Baseball players trained too.
Yeah, this is the Super Bowl. You know what I mean? This isn't a simple business trip going to Florida. He's not going to Phoenix to the Holiday Inn. I get that, dude. But you know what else is different? He probably was never expecting... He's probably expecting maybe his wife would get sick at some point. He'd have to care for her. Now, if she's got pneumonia, okay, somebody else can help her out. She took a bullet in the head from a 9mm. Maybe he kicked back in the house. And she's recovering. 110%. But this dude is one of the top half... Oh, yeah. For sure. And, like, he's not even grouped into the same category as, like, somebody like me that's in the Navy. Right. But they have a backup. He's got a backup. That guy's got to be good. But, I mean, look at, like, history's past when, like, certain astronauts, for when they were first going into space, getting sick, and they didn't even get sick. It was predicted, and they still missed the flight. Oh, sure. I mean, but on the same point, like, I totally agree with you because I am a husband. I had to leave on a business trip when my wife got shot in the head. God. forbid something like that were to happen. I mean, it's just a crazy story, and there's so many outside factors, and I'm sure this dude is formatted with it. Oh, sure. I mean, like what we're talking about, I'm sure this guy's been thinking of since day one. Thank you, Moose. We appreciate it. Maybe her nurse will be there the first time she's able to sneak again. Her husband will just kick it. Oh, my gosh. He's just up there kicking tang real good.
Okay. He's like kicking tang. Just sucking down tang. That's one of the things I don't like about this weather. Do I need the heater? Do I need the air? Do I need the heater? Do I need the air? You know, it's back and forth. Trying to figure out what to wear in the morning. I'm with short sleeve, but I think that was the wrong call. Just bring a sweatshirt next time. No. Yeah. And the Packers are going to get killed. Yep, I agree. Knock on wood. Here. We'll see what the stork brings, but I think it's going to be a victory for Pittsburgh. They're so good. They're ridiculously good. We were just talking about they have so many weapons, and the Packers have a few really good players. Dude, I think it's going to be bloodbath. I really do. Wood said he thought it would be like a 21-point. I think so. The way their defense is looking, meaning the Steelers' defense.
Dude, they fly to the ball. They fly to the ball. And Ben Roethlisberger is like a dinosaur. He's like a big, tall T-Rex. Yeah, and the guy knows how to win. I don't want to talk like this anymore. Does it make you nervous that you're jinxing it? I think there's no chance they lose. Don't see it. There's no chance. When Todd and Sienna left my house from your baby shower, Todd goes, if Pittsburgh loses, it's your fault. And I go, I did not jinx anything. He goes, I'm telling you right now. If they lose, it's your vote. Why? I've jinxed them. You guys keep saying they're going to win. Well, there's no question they're going to win. There is question. It's the Super Bowl. You don't know. There's no question. There is a 0% chance that the Packers can win the game. Right. They shouldn't even show up. Look at Tiana's looking at me right now. You don't know what. Look, I don't even care. I'm not even the biggest Steeler fan. I'm a Charger fan, but I live with the biggest Steeler fan. You don't want to be there? I don't want to have anything to do with him if they lose. Well, lucky for him. And I live with him, so there's nothing I can't do. Lucky for him, there's no chance they lose. Matt doesn't want to watch the game with you guys. He doesn't. I don't blame him. I don't blame him. He thinks that Woods is going to be like, Steelers aren't even this. Steelers aren't even that. Steelers are phenomenal. They're phenomenal. He heard your Heinz word comment. Emma Jeremy from Ramona. What was the word of the day?
It was stalking. You are a winner of our last pair of Rush tickets. It's awesome. And you also won a pair of tickets to see The Mechanic in any regal theater in San Diego, courtesy of CBS Films. That is really awesome. Right on, bro. Hang on the line, okay, Jeremy? Fly by night, pal. That's right. Yeah, Woods was talking a bunch of smack about Heinz Word. Not a bunch of smack. Kind of. There's nothing bad to say about the guy. He's amazing. I don't say the bad things that are said about Heinz Ford, like that he's one of the dirtiest receivers in football. I don't say that stuff. I hear that stuff from ESPN and CNNSI and all these others. I thought it was Woods on sports. Well, I just relay that information. I don't write the stories. But I don't write the stories. I report what other people say, that he's one of the dirtiest receivers. So what has ESPN said about the Tipsy Crows? Because you reported on him this morning. Well, they haven't. They haven't necessarily been out to a game yet. Which is not to say that they won't be. It is, actually. Has ESPN ever sent a camera crew to one of your adult baseball games? No, but I did have an M1 bring a camera to a game one time. An M1 or your wife? No, an M1. I have actually had a few M1s come on again. Thank you very much for coming. And they tagged you on Facebook. Yes. What is the tailgate policy? You can tailgate. You're allowed? No alcohol.
No alcohol. Because it's on a school ground. Barbecue, do whatever you want. High school grounds. Yeah. Okay, but you can tailgate. Sometimes elementary school. Okay, but you can tailgate. Church backyard. Sometimes back of a church. Are there season ticket holders? It's kind of just kind of come and go as you please. Because it's at a different place every week. So you're saying that there at this point is not season ticket holders. Well, we just finished up a two-game homestand at Hoover. At Hoover High School. Hoover High School, yes. We are now heading next week. To El Cajon High. Okay. There's a field you're familiar with. Yes. I would say if we had a home field last year, that would have been it. Since we work with you every day, could we possibly sit in a box seat one day? You can sit anywhere you like. It's kind of first come, first serve. But a box seat, is that right? It's high school. Are they the kind of seats that have the seat that comes down? No, it's like a bench. It's a bench. Are the numbers seating? Oh, you know what you can do?
My wife does this. What's that? Brings a fold-up chair. A fold-up chair. Just like at Petco. You can do that at Petco, like how they do in the outfield. Okay, take away all the seats at Petco, and it's just like one big green, and you can sit anywhere. Right. Do you guys get kicked out if the high school team needs to practice? No, we do not. If we have the fields, we have the fields. That's a good point. What? Priority. They're not going to kick us off. We've reserved the field. What happens when their season starts in the spring? They don't play on Sundays because they're in school. They play during the week. That's right. And they don't practice on Sunday. Right. Which means that your semi-professional adult baseball league is allowed to use the field. Pay a rental. Only open day of the week for you guys to use the field. Correct. You guys have a draft too, right? Yes.
I mean, who's the draft pool? The guys coming out of college? Some. Yeah. Well, for example, last week in the game we played, we played against the Padres' double-A center fielder. He was four for five with six RBIs against our pitching. But he... What happened the one time that he didn't get the hit? He popped out about 7,000 feet in the air. He just missed hitting another home run. We did get him out once. So we do play some competition. Would venture to say that... I'm probably the only person in the studio that could face this pitching. But I'm just throwing it out there. You probably are. I'm just throwing it out there. I probably am. But that's just me. I could probably bunt. You probably couldn't. I tried three times yesterday and I couldn't bunt. Couldn't get it down. Sometimes. Well, I mean, call them like I see them. I could take a hit. I could lean into it. Yeah, it doesn't feel good. Don't do it. Let's play Name That Tim. Let's do it. 5701949. The way that we play Name That Tune is you call and pick a horse. Me, Sienna, Woods, or L.O.B. And Jay, what's the prize? Today we have a pair of tickets to see the movie The Mechanic. All right, and what is the theme that we're working on today? Today it's cartoons. Sienna! Yeah, I'm done. Mikey's got a good chance because these are the...
Top cartoons of all times. Oh, no. So some of the cartoons are older. So, Mikey. Never mind. These are cartoons from television, though. Yep. They sure are. I'm not even going to stand. I know. I'm going to stink at this. Ella B, you're not going to do very good, are you? I got a half a chance. You guys will do great. M1 Herald from San Marcos. Who do you want? Me. Yo. Now she's the first chosen. I know. She's won the last two times. Has she? She has. Fair and square, pal. Yeah. M1 Robin from Mira Mesa. Who do you want? I'd like to pick Woods, please. There you go. I'd like to pick you. You're taking second. M1 Lisa from Lakeside. Who do you want? Mikey. Smart move. Smart move. Jay, did you skew this? I did. It's skewed towards Mikey. I skewed it. You ever just want brownie points? M1 Kiko, hey listen, that's a derogatory term towards Mexicans. He's like, Jacob's topic of the day is great Mexican show tunes. M1 Kiko from San Diego, you got Sienna. Hang on. Show tunes? I don't know show tunes. We're doing Mexican foods. Traditional Mexican foods. I'm going to quote Bible verses. Books of the Bible. Mikey, Ephesians. Prophets. I'm going to name apostles. All right, Mikey, the theme is apostles.
And epistles. Proverbs. Here we go. Here we go. I ate all the lutefisk. Why did you have to taste so good? What? What's that smell? What? King of the Hill. Thank you. That was Bobby. That's a cartoon? Yeah. It's a cartoon. It's not live action. It's a cartoon. It's a cartoon. When he said cartoons, I thought... You were thinking Looney Tunes. Yes. So Jetsons. I was too. There's a little bit of that mixed in. Here we go. Little boy blue, come blow your horn. Mikey. Bullwinkle. Rocky and Bullwinkle. There you go. Thank you. We need the name of the show, not the character. Sorry. Here we go. What? The Chipmunks. Alvin and the Chipmunks. There you go.
Come on, Sienna. How'd you know that? I was five years old at one time. That was a new one. That was a new one. That was Daniel Powder. Yeah. Oh, I just know. Oh, yeah, okay. Okay, sure. Do you guys not know that? That's Alvin. Watch Chris. Really? Yeah, that's what he does. Lauren. Lauren, really? Donald Duck. Here we go. Captain's Lock. Cadet Stimpy and I. Lauren. Lauren. Ryan and Stimpy. Dang it. Mikey. The Jetsons. Dang it. Right behind you. Here we go. Woods. South Park. Wow. He had that in his head ready to go. Yeah, he did. Worst voice ever. I ever just get creamed at everything you play? Sienna.
Beavis and Butthead. Ooh. Wow. Great show. That is a great show. Time. Mike and Woods. The Simpsons. Yes. All of us knew that one. Score. Mike and Woods, three. Lauren, two. Sienna, one. Okay. I can get you. Here we go. See you real soon. Sienna. Mickey Mouse. Wow. Nice. Good job. Sienna's making a comeback. There she comes. Got three more remaining. Mikey. Mikey. Bugs Bunny. Tarn it. Two remaining. What's the score? Mike, four. Lauren, two. Woods, three. Sienna, two. Wow, this is one of the best games we've ever played. Yeah, so we'll make these last two worth two points. Okay. Here we go. Woods. Mikey. Bugs Bunny. Woods. Porky Pig. I did it again. I did it again. It sounds like this.
It does. It's the same guy. Woods will win unless the next one's worth maybe four. Looks like it's worth four points. Here we go. We're just hosing our listeners. I'm just hosing you. Here we go. Because you made me watch that video with the two girls. Mikey. Sienna. Lauren. It's Mikey. Bullwinkle. Sienna. Family guy. Look who won. I know. Yes. We'll unwind the second person. Sorry, Robin. Oh, man. Sienna, that was a great victory. I would hope she would win cartoons. M1. Kiko, are you there? Yep. Kiko, Sienna won for you. Oh, great. Which means that you get to go see the mechanic. Hang on the line. Okay, thanks. Have a bowl. Why do you have to be such a hater? Yeah, Woods. Yeah, Woods.
You're like, oh, I don't watch cartoons. Don't talk to me. Talk to M1 Robin that wanted to take her family to see the mechanic. And now she can't. This is a family film. Why don't you give her tickets to go see the Tipsy Crow? Hey, she can come anytime. Those tickets have been sold out all season. Yesterday we were playing, it started to rain. And the six people that were there, they started going to their car. And our third baseman, Pat, goes. Paid attendance of six all heading to their car. Oh, my gosh. So great. You guys just played to nobody then? Yeah, as usual. It's okay. Does that affect you at all? What? When there's no one there. There's never no one there. There's always someone. There's a wife. My wife used to come. Batboy. No, we don't have Batboys, but there's always a family there, at least one. I remember when I used to play kickball and when there was people. Was it semi-pro? Was it semi-pro kickball? Well, I didn't pay because we did get a local restaurant. There you go. Like we did. So I guess I was a semi-pro kickball. You absolutely were. I was semi-pro dodgeball. And we were champions. So I guess I was kind of almost like I was pro. Yes. It was your champions. Yeah. Semi-pro champions. I'm looking at the clock and I'm like, well, should we start this? Should we not? I have an email.
I also have this topic about is there anything in your house that you've given up working on, that you've given up on it working properly? You just deal with it. Our microwave is supposed to rotate inside. It doesn't anymore. And all the food comes out half frozen. So you have to like stir it up and stick it back in there because the little glass thing, and I've moved it around. It doesn't work. I bet Jay could fix it. Jay's against microwaves, so he wouldn't fix it. Okay, so what was the thing you sent that I couldn't see the pictures of, Jay? It basically said that these people did this study where they took these two plants and they microwaved water, two different types. They microwaved one water and the other was purified water, and they poured it on the plants. The microwave water killed the plant over a period of time. Are they sure it just wasn't the hot water that killed it? No, they let it cool. So you're saying that the microwave changes the DNA?
The DNA. That's what it says. Does food have DNA? I guess everything has DNA. Food does. So if a carrot murdered celery, you would know because it was carrot DNA. You know how it works, right? How does it work? It's kind of, well, first of all, you have to go to the schools that they teach that stuff. Right. But if you do. If a carrot kills a piece of celery, always leaves behind physical evidence. DNA. Yeah. Carrot DNA. Carrot shavings. Carrot shavings. Carrot DNA. If a carrot happened to do some sort of sexual assault on a piece of celery, a lot of times they'll leave behind DNA. Well, a lot of times the celery will actually scratch the carrot and get it under their stalk. And then they can really extract that. What they do is they take a swab.
underneath the carrot's stalk, and they take that little bit, they rub it on a piece of glass, and they look at it under a microscope. They put it on a slide. Sometimes the carrot will leave behind, like, carrot roots. And juice. Oh, yeah, a lot of times carrot juice. Use a blue light, and you can see where the carrot had been. Yeah, you see where the carrot had been. Because I know there was a case in Nevada where the carrot was like, I wouldn't even home. Right. I wouldn't even home. I didn't know anything. And then what they did was they went to the carrot's house, and they put this substance called luminol. Right. All over the place. They killed the lights. Killed the lights, black light, and that carrot got convicted. I think he's still in prison. There was a carrot I heard that got saved from going into a juicer. Because of the DNA evidence. But he was like on his way to the juicer. Inches away from being sent to the juicer. And they stopped and the attorney in the case was like, hang on, we got some new evidence that we think may exonerate this character. Well, we electrocuted the pickle that did the crime. That's true. We did. Jay did electrocute a pickle. That pickle had been in jail since it was a cucumber. So finally. Had it coming. So the bit is that microwaves equal bad. Yes. Right? Well, of course, if you microwave water, you're going to kill.
stuff in it. Are you? I didn't know that. Yeah, you're heating it. I've always said food doesn't taste as good. It says the same thing for people. It's not good for you. I don't care. I'm giving my microwave away. Why don't we just live our lives? My wife is listening to this. I beg you not to listen to this. I was without mine for five years, and I was fine. You don't need it. And then I got one, and now I use the convenience of it. I'm going back to the old way. You do need it. Yes, you need it. You don't need it. It just makes it more convenient for you. Why is a toaster oven better than a microwave? It actually cooks it and doesn't make it gooey. This is a perfect example. Mike and I, the other day, we had a meeting, and we were hungry. And so we went to the snack machine, and we were like, what should we get? Let's get some food. We got pizza, frozen pizza. Each of us got a delicious Red Baron frozen pizza. We flipped it over. We looked at the instructions. It said, for microwave, heat two and a half minutes. For toaster oven, heat 25 minutes. I saw yours. Yours had no color to it. Yours was just all like gooey. It was delicious. And I looked at Mikey's and it had a brown. I did the toaster oven.
He had to wait 25 minutes. It tastes way better in the toaster oven. Way better. It does, but who has time for that? Right. You did. We all do. Yeah, we wake up early. Come on. People don't have time. They want the convenience of a microwave. Your kid's crying. Give me the Easy Mac. Maybe the kid grows up. No, you put the Easy Mac in the microwave. Yeah. It's not going to hurt you. Maybe we'll teach them to wait. It's not going to hurt you. We've been using microwaves in a long time. It's not going to hurt you. Yeah, we've been having increasing cancer. Well, we had cancer for a while. Increase. All kinds of things have increased. It's not just micros. I love microwaves. I stayed in front of the microwave the other day. LOP is like, get away from that. I put my head in it. Don't care. It's fine. It's not going to hurt you. We don't care either. They said when you're pregnant to not be near a microwave. Yeah. I'm not pregnant. Body scan. I look pregnant. Those are fine. Just send people in. Don't tell them what they're doing. Yeah, just show them your stuff. Yeah. Put your arms up in the air and show them what you got. Don't even give them a heads up that they're walking through a body scan. Through a cancer machine. Send them in there. It's a cancer machine. Yeah. That's what L.O.B. says. Yeah. That's what I say. But she gets freaked out. Freaks herself out. Gets herself wound up. My wife, too. Her and my wife. And Sienna. The three most important women in my life are crazy. No. A little bit. A little bit. No. A little bit. They're a little daffy.
These three women. My wife, Sienna, and Ella B are a little daffy. They all have pine mouth. Yeah, I'm not. They all have pine mouth. I don't have pine mouth anymore. Now you have something. No, I might be allergic to oats. Write that down. Matt Connors, you poor bastard. I swear, get out while you can. I gave him my oats. I can't eat these oats. A woman who claims to have been with Charlie Sheen has described what $20,000 worth of cocaine looks like. It happened last week. First he told Matt to get out while he took so bad. Oh, wrote that down, didn't he? And then he played a wiener clip. Senile. Can't help. He's probably got old timers. Old timers. Old timers. Want to hear a song about Jay?
It's creepiness. Kim, get a divorce. Always saying weird things, isn't he? Crossing the line real good. True. It won't be fine. Alright. Sure will, pal. That kills me. Alright.
Try it out loud. Thanks, Wood. Goodness. You know, Jay used to babysit George Jones. He used to buy George Jones beer. Yep. George Jones ever foiled his windows up real good? George Jones used to come up to Jay and go, excuse me, sir, could you buy me some tobacco? I'm not old enough. Jay was in his 50s, so he was like, yeah, sure. That's a good one, too. He's singing his boyfriend. Was he a gay guy? Yeah, I'm singing I want to be your partner. Partner could mean it. Yeah, partner does not only mean a gay relationship. Hi, my name is Bill. I was the lead singer of Orleans. It's Orleans, right? It's not the Orleans. It's just Orleans. I said Orleans. Sorry about that. I said Orleans. It's Bill. Bill. Sorry, Bill. Bill Torres. Hello. Bill Torres.
Bryce's brother. Bill. Yes. Bill. Yes. Mike. Bill Tors. Yes. We're talking to Bill Tors. Bill Tors. Lead singer of the band The Orleans. Orleans. Just Orleans. Larry. Who's that? This? Yes. This is my friend. Yes, she's my publicist. I've forgotten her name. Bernice. Yes, Bernice. Sexy. So let me ask you, what happened to the Orleans? Loads and loads of pills. Quaaludes. All sorts of powders. It was the 70s. So just got caught up in the whole rat race. Was Dance With Me about a dude? Yes. If you'll notice, would you like to start it over? You can hear, Larry, you can hear the lyrics I was trying to express. Is that you playing the mandolin? That's me. I'm on lead guitar. That's my little lick there. Did you hear that lick? I did, yeah. This is a nice song. I remember it. I was 74 when this came out. Correct. 1976. Yeah. So here we go. See, it wasn't as widely acceptable back then to be out. So if the song came out today, would you say...
Dance with me. Fellas, I want to be your lover. I want to be your lover. Right, yes. It's much more acceptable. Yeah, but it wouldn't have had the same ring to it if you dance with me. Dance with me. Fellas, I want to be your lover. Can't you see? That doesn't have the same ring. Correct. We're talking the Bill Toss. Yes. Lead singer of the band Orleans. Haven't done an interview in 30 years. Yeah. I was a little nervous. We have you on because you have just come out of the closet, which is interesting because Ricky Martin from the band Menudo did it. He's a dear friend. And so that gave you the courage, you say, in your new autobiography called Not Just a City in New Orleans. In Louisiana. In Louisiana. Your new book is called. Not just the city in Louisiana. By Bill Toss. Correct. We wanted to call the band Orleans instead of New Orleans. Right. Because we were the original Orleans. Does that make sense? And I wanted to call the book Old Orleans. Right. But he thought that that was going to be too dating. Yes. Now, you are now 78 years old. Coming out of the closet. Stillest surprise ever.
Your publicist looks like she's about 27. Yes. I'm his granddaughter. You're his granddaughter. Bernice Torse. So you're telling me, obviously, you must have been in a marriage where you had a kid. Yes. Even though... She was a beard. She was my beard. My grandmother. Grandma beard. You just referred to her as grandma beard? Yeah. Sometimes grandma the beard. Or Grammy beard. What is a beard? A beard is someone, Mike, that... I'm not... I'm Larry King. Larry. A beard is someone, Lawrence, that is... It's kind of a farce, you know? And so people don't judge. And now people don't judge as much as they used to. Why would farting make people judge? Not farting. Farce. It's a farce. It's like an act. My mistake. So you're saying that... Grandma Beard was in fact a beard. Grammy. Grammy Beard. Grammy paper. Did she later go on to... Die? I was going to say remarry. She did remarry. She died. She married Sib from Boston. He was the bass player. The one with the big afro. Do you remember him? Oh my god. Yeah. Who could forget Sib? Uncle Sib. Uncle Sibby. She called him uncle, but it was in fact her stepfather. Did you ever have any doubt in your mind, Bernice?
that Bill here was gay? No, no doubt. I knew. You always knew. Oh, yeah, we all knew. Grandpa Bill from Orleans. It was like having two grandmas. It was great. Yeah. All right, well, thanks for joining us. The new book is called Not Just a City in Louisiana. Correct. Go get it today. Borders. All right, here's what a woman says about Charlie Sheen. And this apparently happened between this woman and Charlie Sheen last weekend. Some guy came over with, like, a side bag. It was really nice. I think it was, like, Gucci. The satchel. Satchel, like, comes in, you know, professional. Nice guy. Sits at the kitchen table, just dumps out, like, five A-balls. Huge. The size of my fist. We're talking Coke. We're talking, like, 20 grand. No, pool balls. Why would someone need five? Do you want to have to call him again? Wow. Charlie Sheen's got disposable income. You can do whatever you want. A real bender. You can't write someone a check. John Ferguson, $20,000. Get a lot of cash. So you walk into B of A and you're like, I'd like to make a withdrawal. Sure, Mr. Sheen. How much? $20,000. $20,000 large. He's at the ATM like $100. I mean, how do you withdraw?
$20,000. I'm sure when you have that much money, you just have access to that kind of stuff. Probably got a safe, you know, your Coke fund. The IRS would probably be watching it, though, right? That's the thing. You've made that kind of withdrawal. Don't they want to know, like, hey, what did you spend $20,000 in cash for? Bought my girlfriend a really nice ring, you know? Where's the receipt? Bought it from a guy on the side of the road. For $20,000? I'm not smart with my money. Wait a minute, though. We find it very hard to believe that you bought a ring for your girlfriend. I don't care what you believe. I'm Charlie Sheen. A man on the side of the road was selling a diamond. They were nice. Did he have a sign that said diamond salesman? No, just a van. It was a yellow van. A yellow van that said diamond salesman. It actually didn't say that. It just had a big D on the side. And you were like, oh. And I was like, hey, diamonds are cool. I'll buy one. I'll get two. You're under arrest. Tax evasion. Like, just, like, all on the table. And I'm, like, staring. I'm, like, oh, my God. Because I'm, like, I don't, you know, really do this stuff. And so he gets it. The guy leaves or whatever. And then the drugs begin. And then, you know, rolls into the morning. Sounds a little stuffy. Sounds a little stuffy. I don't know. He just, like, took a chunk. Because these are huge rocks. Slice it off. And then he, like, shoved it right into the pipe.
and was smoking it. Smoking the coke. And I'm like, I've never done that before. He comes over and gives me a kiss and he blows it into my mouth. And I'm like, oh my god. So I'm out of my mind crazy. I'm not used to this stuff. So creepy. Wow. What a scene at that guy's house. What a scene. He's in rehab now? Yeah. He checked in on Saturday. Good. I hope he gets better. Yeah. I bet his poor dad, dude. His poor dad has got to be just a wreck. Because years ago when he was having a lot of troubles, his dad came out and he said, tie your kids to the bed if you have to. He was visibly distraught and crying. He's like, whatever you have to do to stop them from doing that stuff like that. Where did I hear? Was it here? Where I heard the phrase, you're only as happy as your unhappiest kid? I told you. You told me that. That's going to stick in my mind. It's a good one. It's a good one. This weekend, Jake did something that drove me nuts. I like when marathons of my favorite TV shows are on. Me too. Food marathons. This one wasn't. Oh. This one was I Survived. I like those. It's man versus something. Those are good. That show. They creep me out, but the ones that really creep me out are the real hardcore ones. That's the one with kids. There's three different kids in it. Really? Mm-hmm.
Well, they were having a marathon over the weekend. If you don't know what I survived is, it's people that have just been in these either like, for example, here's the one I'm watching. There's always three stories. It's an hour-long show. And the one I was watching, one was this real pretty girl. She got kidnapped by this crackhead, takes her to a motel, and he wants to use her as a human shield. Okay? She befriends him, and that's how she gets out of the situation. Wow. But he says in order to gain his trust, he takes a crack pipe out, and he's like, I want you to do crack with me. And she's like, no, no, no, I'm not doing it. And he's like, well, I'm going to shoot you then. So she had to do crack with him. But once she did that, she said, I thought to myself, if I can get this guy to be in on me, then I can get out of this. So that was one story. The other story. Is this dude that goes to a house to do some work on a boiler in the basement. And the boiler accidentally shuts on his left arm, trapping him. He's down there three days. Oh, my. And he has to saw. He's a copycat. And him describing it. Did he ever have a saw in his pocket? He had tools with him.
Oh, man. And some of the tools included, but we're not limited to, hacksaws. And the way that he describes it in such cool, calm, you know, in such a cool, calm way. His description is so cool and calm. When he talks about it, it's as if he's talking about a boat trip that he took one time. He goes, He's a really serious guy. And he goes, well, when I first began, I noticed that there was quite a bit of pain. But that went away pretty quickly. But when I hit the bone, I noticed this is going to take me forever. And that's when I remembered that I had a different tooth of saw. And he goes, so I changed to that.
And that made pretty short work of the bone, he said. And so I finally got through the whole process. But then I was about to free myself and I came down to the last quarter of an inch. He says, and this is what the doctors have told me. Now I hit an area called the. I don't know what it's called. I don't know what it's called. No more. This is the cable of nerves. He says, so when I hit that first nerve, he said, I knew I couldn't do it. So he was able to go all that way and then realized, I can't do it. It hurt too badly. He couldn't do it. So finally, after three days, his friends were like, I wonder where Phil is. Three days. Three days. I hope you guys come looking it for me before that. Three days. I sure miss that guy. Like, has anybody, like, has he been on Facebook? Yeah. Three days. So the cops come to the house because they're worried, you know? Go in there. I'm down here. They call the paramedics. They get a hydraulic lifter to open up the boiler.
But they couldn't do anything about it, you see, because his arm had begun to rot. Same thing with the guy on 127 Hours. He put a smile on his face, he says. He put a smile on his face because he knew it was horrible, but his smile got bigger and bigger as he cut farther and farther in. And then finally he got far enough down that he had to just lean into it. He said he took two big breaths, leaned into it, snap! And then he fell back and he was free. And he was so happy that he was free. Oh. And then he had to walk for like five miles to find anybody. You know, that doesn't happen to you. You have fat slob on the couch? That's true. Yes. Exactly right. The correct answer is the fat slob on the couch. Yeah. The guy that will die of, you know, high cholesterol. Peacefully. So anyway. Silent killer. So I'm watching this, right? I'm watching this.
And I'm mesmerized. And what I do is, when it's a marathon, it's my favorite thing because I'm able to DVR back as far as the DVR will go, start watching, and then fast forward to commercials. Jake comes running in, slaps the remote control, changes it to the next channel, lost. Oh. He didn't do it on purpose. I know he didn't. Still bums you out. Still hurts sadness fear. Still hurts sadness fear. Because you're right there in the middle. I'm right about the fight. This guy's like, so my arm, blah, blah, blah. He goes, and so then the first thing that my girlfriend said when she saw. For a limited time only. It's a shaker wave. And I was like. No. And I had like eight more episodes of commercial free. I survived. What a bummer. And they were gone. Maybe you watched Blink of an Eye in your room privately. No. You have to. I was in my office. Oh, you were? I was in my office. And he ran in to the office. Daddy, daddy. Daddy, daddy. And I go, oh, Bob, you just changed the channel. And he goes, what do you mean? Cute as can be. I go, you changed the channel. I didn't get mad at him. No. But I was, you know, because he didn't know. He did a mistake, but still.
I want to know what that girlfriend said when she's... Oh, man. If anybody knows, let him know. He was engaged. It's probably his now wife, but... Or somebody else's wife. Yeah, maybe not his. Does that change things? Yeah, it could. No. Am I a monster? I said it. Am I a monster? Lauren wants to put your arm in a boiler for saying that. Am I a monster? I said it, and I believe it. Are you telling me that if you're engaged to L.O.B., but then she put her arm in a boiler? No. Say, keep trucking, kids. This one's going out to all you stoners. It's great to be here tonight. Singing all you guys from the past. When you're dealing with a thing and you want to do your deal. When you got all your deals and you're thinking on your deal. Love that song. Didn't you work with him? Yeah.
Didn't he smoke a jerk outside every day? Every day? His big leather jacket. Coolest guy. So great. Nicest man. Just ever smoke a big jerk before your shift? Couldn't have been a nicer guy. I'm sure. They really don't write him like that anymore. No, they don't. Unfortunately. He's one of the greatest storytellers ever. I bet. And he'll tell you. You know, when he first started on the radio, his thing was this amazing gift for being able to tell stories. And he would tell you stories about how he wrote songs like this and where it came from and all that. And you think about it, you listen to these songs and you go, you know, the infectious melody and all that. I'm surprised he wasn't bigger than what he was. He was really good. His son is incredibly talented, plays in his band, and is just real talented. It's awesome. He's still on, isn't he? San Francisco? Yeah, San Jose, San Francisco. He does real good, too. Greg Kinn. Greg Kinn. Let's see. Tonight's 8 o'clock album. Cold War Kids. Mine is yours. Let's see. Sienna lost a diamond. No kidding. We're not joking. She really lost a diamond. Yeah. I've been panicked for a while.
M1 Hawk found it. Of course he did. He found it. Woods' dad is in the studio. Found it. I love this man. How do you find it? In my bracelet, I have such a small stones. You guys don't understand. I'm like, of course he did. Growing up, we'd be playing golf. And I would, as usual, shank my ball into the woods. And I'd go, it's not worth it. I'm not going to trudge in there after. He would walk. Through those woods for 15 minutes. There's people behind us like, come on. He'd be like, I found it. I got it. He'd find it in the bottom of a creek, in the middle of a gorge. Is that why they call him that? No. Why did they call you Hawk? His beak. Because he broke his nose a couple times. But yeah, so the dude can spot anything from a mile away. I love playing golf with him because he's always like, yeah, you're right up there. You're right in front of that tree. I'm like, how the hell are you doing? I see it. And one Hawkeye. This is quite a skill. And he found the diamond. He said, is that it? And I was like. Where did he find it? Where was it? On the floor. In her cleavage. In the carpet. I was looking around just like a hopeless puppy. It's somewhere. Retracing Sienna's steps. I know. Oh, girl. One Hawk made it right for you. That's right. Sweetly. Hillary, what do you have coming up?
Yeah, let's see. Well, I kind of got stuck in Garrett's office. That's weird. You're right. That never happens. Pinback and Social D and the Temper Trap, maybe Black Keys. I'll pick up some more stuff. Detroit. Yes, Philly. Seattle. Lacrosse. San Diego. By the way, Garrett will be filling in for me one week from today with L.O.B. and Woods and Sienna and Jay. Fine, right on. Yeah. Okay. Rebecca to a minor surgery for kidney stones. Oh, gosh. Yeah, it's minor. All right. Yeah. So we may end at 1030 that day. Depends on if I get on a roll. If I'm riffing, just back off. All right. Don't mess with my flow. $100 says he's sitting in his office right now with a smile. Shaking his head. He gets the smile. It's the no teeth smile and he shakes his head. Eyes closed. Right now he just opened his eyes. What do you mean? Lovely and talented Hillary is up next. Enjoy the rest of your day. We don't know if it'll be sunny or cloudy, whatever. Mother Nature doesn't know what she's up to.
She changes her mood every day. It's that time of the month. She is a woman. We'll be back tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. Mike shows out.