The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 02/01/11
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
show anniversaryEgypt protestspornography and marriageimprovised prank callchild disciplineemergency callsmovie parodycelebrity rehabnonprofit kindness campaignemail privacyprom invitationmassage etiquette
Mikey, Woods, Lauren O'Brien, Sienna, and Jay celebrated the show's first year on FM 94.9 by recalling their frantic first morning, then delivered comedy bits built around Jay's flower-shop call, his massage underwear, and an E.T. parody. Sienna explained Egypt's mass protests against Hosni Mubarak, a husband's felony email-hacking case, and Charlie Sheen's home rehab, while the group argued that effective rehab requires structure and contact with other people. An NFL-backed Porn Sunday campaign prompted Mikey to describe pornography as desensitizing and damaging to marriage, and a caller said it had helped destroy hers; in contrast, Mikey framed the Be Different Pact as a kindness movement, and Mean Gene offered to help make it a nonprofit. The hosts also reacted to three-year-old AJ's 911 call that saved Aaron Hay, debated birthday punishment, and heard a student's musical prom invitation to Taylor Swift.
What happened, in order
One Year on FM 94.9
Mikey and the crew marked their first anniversary by recalling the panic of their debut morning, including a missing website, failed key cards, and almost no sleep.
Egypt's Million-Person March
Sienna explained the swelling protests against Hosni Mubarak, the military's promise not to fire, and Hillary Clinton's call for an orderly democratic transition.
Jay's Massage Underwear
Jay admitted wearing unusually silky hiking underwear to a sports massage, giving the others endless material when he said it got in the therapist's way.
The Porn Sunday Debate
An NFL-backed anti-porn campaign led Mikey to argue that pornography creates false expectations, escalates through desensitization, and can damage marriages, while a caller described exactly that outcome in her divorce.
Jay Takes the Incorporator
A terrified Jay called a flower shop and successfully worked stiff, umbilical cord, Vaseline, noose, wheelhouse, Cancun, and leprechaun into a mostly plausible conversation.
Three-Year-Old Calls 911
Three-year-old AJ called 911 after Aaron Hay severed an artery with a chisel, and the hosts turned on Jay when he dismissed the rescue as something the father could have handled himself.
Can You Cancel a Birthday?
The hosts debated whether serious misbehavior should cost a child a birthday present, with some favoring withheld gifts and others insisting the punishment should remain separate from celebrating the child.
Picking Apart E.T.
The crew mocked E.T.'s voice, fingers, rotary-phone problem, and repeated phone-home line before admitting the movie still holds up.
Taylor Swift Prom Song
A high-school senior sang a parody asking Taylor Swift to prom, prompting arguments over whether she should attend, decline for security reasons, or appear remotely.
Charlie Sheen's Home Rehab
The show revealed that Charlie Sheen would receive rehab treatment at home, and the hosts argued that comfort and isolation remove the structure and peer contact that make rehab work.
The Be Different Pact
Mikey described the Be Different wristband as a pledge of kindness and love, then accepted Mean Gene's offer to help turn the overwhelmed volunteer effort into a nonprofit.
The Three-Husband Email Case
The hosts untangled a case in which a third husband faced felony hacking charges after forwarding his wife's emails about an abusive second husband to the first husband, who then sought custody.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLauren O'BrienSiennaJayHosni MubarakHillary ClintonJohn KitnaMiles McPhersonMatt HasselbeckAJAaron HayTaylor SwiftCharlie Sheen
29,194 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
I'm going to tell you about how San Diego is going to be getting some real crazy wins. Real crazy. I'm going to tell you about all kinds of stuff happening in the news and the world and all that stuff. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I'm 40 years old and I'm wearing the Trilolo t-shirt that L.O.B. got me. She's got us all different t-shirts, and they all are to suit our personalities. Did you pull on the collar? Did I pull on the collar? Yeah, was it a little, like a squeezer? No, this is a very comfortable t-shirt. Oh, good. Soft. Yeah. It's nice. It's nice. Woodsy is our sports guy. He's 35, and he's wearing a lot of black. He's going to the gym. Oh. Lucky. Yeah.
This is his second day of comfy dressing for you. Yeah, my dad's in town, so I can go to the gym and not have to worry about walking into Poop Fest at my house. Because he keeps the dogs at bay? Yeah, he keeps the dogs at bay and lets them out. I'm kind of thrown off this morning. You know why? Why? I didn't get my donut. I'm proud of you. No, I didn't get my donut. I drove by the 7-Eleven that I usually stop at. By usually, I mean every single morning. I get a little DP and a donut. And it's so good. And in a mix together. And I drove by this morning and I was like, I'm not going to do it today. And I drove by. I was like, I'm sorry. I'll see you Friday. LOB convinced me that Mondays and Fridays only. Yeah. It'd be a nice treat. A treat. You can't do it every day. You can't do it every day, but you don't want to cut it off. And I did. I looked over and I was like, I'll see you. I'll see you Friday. I had to exercise financial obedience today. You did already. And I didn't like it. Did you think about me in your ear going, Mike, do you need that? I said that to L.O.B. the other day. I go, if I ever dated L.O.B., it would be one of those deals where every single thing I did, she would go, why are you getting that? Every single day. Why are you getting that?
We would be rich because I would help you save all your money. Yes, it is true. If you wanted a Kit Kat at Statler Brothers, she'd be like, you don't need that right now. For multiple, and it would mean multiple things. There'd be so many levels. I just feel like a turd, a fat turd. You think I'm bad, Matt has the reins on me. He does. When I go to Blockbuster and I start heading towards... The candy section, he's just shaking his head at me like, mm-mm. I need someone like that. That would be nice. Annoying, but nice to have. I know. I'm like, all right. My wife does that. Not with food, though. That would make me feel bad. He does it with everything. That's just one example. He does? Yeah. Well, I had written myself an email to go to the ATM and withdraw $20. Because I was going to get some squares on the football pool they have going on here at the office. And I'm like, it's not responsible. I might get a couple just if I have a couple loose dollars in my pocket, but that's it. I'm not going to get money to do it. I don't like it. I want to do it. You can. If I had allowance, I would. You don't have allowance until July. Yeah, July. July. But you do have a nice TV. What is it, a dollar square or something? $2.50, I think. $2.50.
Inflation. I probably should. I probably will. Let's see. Lauren O'Brien is our comedian on the show. She does a lot of voices. And she's blonde. And she has blue eyes. Today she's wearing a sweater. You know. You know. I didn't know. And that's her. She's 30 years of age. I like her. It's good. She's a good gal. She's good people. I liked it better when you said I was 29 years of age. We were better friends when you said that. That's true. Makes sense. I get it. Like, I have to say it. I know you do. You don't look 30. Thanks. You look 24, 23, 24. Easily. Yeah. Thank you. That's got to feel good, right? Yeah. I feel good to look 23. But you guys are my friends. No, I'm being serious. It's the truth. It's the truth. You're very lucky. Thank you.
Yeah, I bet a lot of chicks would hate you. That's cool. That's a good thing. Dudes like other good-looking dudes, but good-looking girls don't like other good-looking girls. Yeah, that's not true. We have to get to know them. That's the bit. A guy sees another sharp guy, he's like, I'm in. Let's go. Let's go do the town. You know what I mean? Well, because you know that if you're with another sharp guy, then the girls will come to you. If we're with another hot girl, then the guys just go to them. Yeah, that's true. That's great. Sienna is our news girl. She's 25 years old. She's gorgeous. Oh, wow. Hooters, hooters, yum, yum, yum. It's an overstatement. She's a beautiful gal. Both of these gals are very beautiful. Good looking. Thanks, guys. We're lucky. I am. We are lucky. I mean, it's nice to be able to come to work. You see a couple good looking girls. These broads every day? These broads. It's pretty solid. Yeah. Today, Sienna was mentioning some actor that she thought was handsome. Made Woods and I jealous. Yeah, we're mad. You can say. And L.O.B. thought he was good looking, too. And I go, hey. And me and Woods go, hey. Shut up. I thought he was pretty cute as well. Hey, he's real sharp, but we don't want to hear it. Amazing. He's hot. It's not amazing, all right? A little hairy for me. And so me and Woods started getting catty. So we go, I go, I bet he breaks his promise. I know. I bet he cheats. I bet he's a cheater. I bet he's an emotional vampire. Yeah.
I'm a happily married person. And I said you'd be faithful to your husband. That's right. Of course. I can look all day. We can look. You just can't touch. You just can't touch. I won't touch. Jay is our producer. He's 47. And today he's got on a black polo style shirt. I better button this up. That's right. And our phone screener today is Will. It's Will. It's Will. It's Will. Will. Ladies and gentlemen, today marks... The Mikey Show's one-year anniversary at FM 94.9. What a year. It was one year ago today that I was spun out. At this time. Right now. We all were. Yeah, we all were. I wouldn't have been, but it came together in a way that I was. I was spun. My Starbucks wasn't open. That spun me. On a regular day, that would spin him out big time. And this was not a regular day. This was our first day of the year. Opening day. Yeah. And then I got here and felt pretty confident in how everything worked in the studio because it was a new studio to me. I felt pretty confident in how it worked. But at the last moment, I was going to come on the air and announce our website. You know, go to check out our new website. And it wasn't.
Oh my gosh, I forgot about that. It was supposed to happen at midnight. It was going to be up. And it wasn't. And I thought that I was getting, you know. Pranked. Sabotaged. Sabotaged. Shanghai'd. Why would you think that? So that was playing on my head. And then I knew, you know, okay, I'm going to come on and I got to talk about what happened at the old station. And I didn't want to be mean. And I didn't want to say anything to incite. You know, upsetness, even though inside I was really hurt and sad and fearful. And so it's just all these emotions and then excited to be on again and you guys and this new venture and all that. A year later, couldn't be more different. We're all calm as clams and the ratings are good and things are good and life is good. And it's just such a difference. It's incredible. In a year. Never forget that first day and my 15 minutes of sleep the night before.
Pure nerves. Just exhausted pure nerves. Straight adrenaline. I got here so early that first day and I was the first one here and my key card didn't work. Oh, gosh. And I was like just sitting out in the dark like, okay, what do I do? What do I do? And then Woods finally came and he was like, my key card doesn't work. And then he had the number for the hotline. So we called. Sienna, I went to the other building. I went to the other building, the seventh floor and went. Was this a bit? The whole thing a bit? I was in that building. Yeah, the building across from her. So nervous. Good to know your pass card works over there. I drove in early that morning and there was guys walking down the street with burritos in their hands that had just wrapped up their late night. And I was like, man, life is going to be different. So different. But yeah, it feels great to be a year into this thing and be in our own studio. That's nice. Just changed everything in my head. So it's good. It's nice. 570-194-9 is our number. You want to call us and say hello. Open phones at the beginning and end of every show. M1 is a Mikey Show listener. And there's a lot of you. We love you. We're faithful to you. We're happy you're faithful to us. And when you call us.
You turn your radio down, get to the point, don't cuss. That's what makes you an M1. And so, happy birthday, pal. 60 mile an hour winds. Yes. It's about to get real crazy in San Diego starting at 2 a.m. tomorrow morning and it's going to be lasting until Thursday afternoon. What? Now, the winds, it's going to be crazy. Santa Ana's snapping tree, branches, a lot of dust. Oh, no. Prepare yourself. Perfect. Garage your cars if you have a garage. Really? I know. Yeah, don't wash your cars today. I wonder how they know. I wonder if they get a phone call from Vegas and they're like, hey, it's here, so it'll be there in a couple days. It's through the mountain ranges. Man. Weather's just nuts all over right now. 60 mile an hour. Yeah. That's a good time. At least it's not the blizzards that they're having everywhere else. Yeah, the rest of the country's got terrible weather. Everywhere else. In Chicago, people are told not to leave their house. Oh, yeah. That's insane. Yeah. They say don't leave your house? Yeah. Weird, man. It's snowing that badly. M1 Mama Nikki from Escondido. What's up, girl? Hey, happy anniversary, guys. Thank you very much. We appreciate you. Thank you. I've been actually listening exactly one year today, too.
You were listening that first day? Yep, that first day. Nice. That's awesome. I called in, actually. Isn't that funny? That's rad. That's rad. Yeah. Well, we love you, Nikki. Oh, I love you guys, too, so much. Thank you. Thanks for listening. You're the best. Yep. Love you. M1 Herald from San Diego, what's up? Hey, congratulations, guys. Thank you, man. Thanks. I am so friggin' stoked. That's your ass. Isolate that. Isolate it. Yeah, isolate that. I am so friggin' stoked. I love it. Hey, I also wanted to say, um, did you watch TMZ last night? No. I did not. No. I was on TMZ last night. Whoa. Were you at Charlie Sheen's house? Yeah. Yeah. No, no, I wasn't that lucky. Or unlucky, I guess it would be. Are you at... I was at an arm wrestling competition. I was a referee, and Sean Merriman signed up. Oh, nice. Oh, wow. That was the story. Maybe he rehabs on the football field. Right. Yeah, it's good rehab. It's good upper body workout. You know, you don't have to worry about his knees. And they put it on TMZ that he did that? Yeah, yeah. They showed him arm wrestling on TMZ. They were kind of mocking it, but it was still cool, you know. You were on there. Did he do good? I was on there. Nice. He won the match, but the guy let him win because it was for, you know.
To make him look good. Were you looking at the camera waving or were you looking away like trying to be cool? I don't see that camera. It's the back of my head. I have a roll on the back of my neck. Oh, that's always fun to see. I know what that's about. Old sausage neck. Old sausage neck, yeah. Like a pack of hot dogs. Seeing yourself from behind is the worst. You're like, that's what's happening? My best angle. That's what people see? I saw myself in the mirror a couple weeks ago. Haven't been the same since. Oh, L-O-B. She came into work and told me about it. She's like, it was awful. I was crying. I was just crying. Broad's ever crazy? I know, seriously. Which would be crazy. You have an idea in your mind and then you're like, what? Do you ever look in the full-length mirror and then turn around and walk to see what it looks like? Yes, every morning. I do it because I want to see what I walk like from behind. I can tell you. I don't. Oh, wow. I don't. Yeah. So weird. I can tell you. He good. I know. Here's a song about Jay crossing the line. What? He keeps his eyes across the line. What makes wood laugh so hard when he turns blue? Drops for me and you and pour my key. Cross the line. Not fill it.
Aren't you? That's the cue to say I will make it right. And I sure won't stop without a fight. I'll make sure that I... Because from Mikey's eyes I will try to hide. I won't be fine. Cross the line. Creep. 570-1949. That's the best. Thanks, Wood. You're welcome, buddy. Hey, M1 Adam. is calling from Philly. Philly! What's up? What's going on? You're in Philly right now? Yeah, I was just listening to you guys doing some work stuff before I get on the road and we got a bunch of ice last night and getting more ice and snow and crap on the way. It's the scenario. It's the scenario. Oh my gosh. I love the Philly accent so much. Are you going to get on the Schuylkill Expressway?
Yeah, sure am. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to go over to Jersey for a meeting, so I'm going to head over there. Wow. Say hi to my folks. There you go. Yeah, yeah. So I lived out there for like six years and lived in PB mostly. My wife and I moved back, and we came back last year and got slammed with like two snowstorms, and this year has been crazy. We got like eight inches last week on top of snow we already had. Oh. Dude, I live in a townhome complex, and we live at the top of the cul-de-sac. Yeah. And if we get any more snow, I have no idea where they're going to put it. Dude. Holy cow. That's what my mom said. We have mounds of snow in my front yard. Wow. Oh, my God. Dude. Hey, thanks for the update, man. We like hearing it right from the source. Yeah, right on. Right on, man. I listen to you guys every day on my iPod. Awesome. Thank you, bro. We love you. Yeah, man. We'll see you. Hey, you know, when it rains all the time here in California, we don't like it because we're used to the sunshine. But the positive is that when it's all done, everything's all green and beautiful. Is there anything, L.O.B., that's like positive from all the snow? Skiing. That's it, right? I mean, that's really it. Nothing good comes in. I mean, if you get to play in it, you can miss work. Sometimes you miss school. But when you're a kid.
They only work in so many school days into the year. So sometimes after it starts to snow and you're missing school, you're just mad because that means your summer is going to start later and later. You have to make up for it. Because you have to do 180 days. So it just keeps going, stretching out the school year. You're in... Elementary school in June, July. You're like, come on. For real? Yeah. Oh, yeah. You've got to make those days up. It's fun. The first couple snow days, you go with your buddies, you go sledding and stuff. You're like, this is the greatest. Most schools here don't even get out until mid-June, though. Well, yeah. On the East Coast, it's early. Imagine, we were in school in Connecticut once in July. Oh, wow. July. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, you want to blow your head. You usually get out first or second week of June, and then it gets extended, extended, extended. That's terrible. That will mess with summer plans. Oh, yeah. Big time. Sure does. Let's see. Well, there's going to be, by the way, it's going to affect a lot of San Diegans. If you're going to a Super Bowl party and you're just going to have a couple pops, just be careful because they've announced that there's going to be a DUI crackdown on Super Bowl Sunday. Yep. Over 20 different areas are going to have DUI.
task force that they're going to be going through with special patrol cars, stopping you, little DUI checkpoints, basically. You've seen them, probably been through them, so there's going to be 20 of them. And also the one that's in Encinitas is also going to be going down the day before the Super Bowl. It's a licensed checkpoint. People know about it, yeah. So be careful. Yeah, a couple tips. is to obviously designate a sober driver before you go to the party. Leave your keys at home if you know you're going to be drinking. And before you go out, put a cab or multiple cab phone numbers in your phone. Don't forget to eat, too. Yeah, eat. No problem. See, this thing in Egypt is now getting to the point where my wife is asked about it. She doesn't... pick up on like what she considers boring news stories until there's really something to it and then she says to me so will you tell me what's happening in egypt and i explain well they're protesting in egypt and it's really bad now it's like today is a big day they're actually calling it the march of the of a million people oh my gosh yeah so it's just getting bigger and bigger
Have you seen the images with the soldiers holding their guns, just pointing right at the crowd? He's got a pistol. And he's just, he's freaked. You can see his face. He's like, he doesn't know who to point at. The military, they announced yesterday that they will not be firing on protesters taking part in the March of a Million People. Oh, well, that's good. Right. Well, people have been hurt before. So this is getting ugly over there. It's really, it's bad for their economy, too, because this is their tourist season. People don't want to go over there. Americans yesterday were asked to come home. If they're there. Yeah, this is our state's department spokesperson. We have American citizens, because the airport is still open, that are making their own arrangements and using commercial aircraft to get out on their own. Yeah, they've got to get everybody out of there. And here's Hillary Clinton talking about it. We want to see an orderly transition to a democratic government, to economic reforms, exactly what the protesters are seeking. Okay. I'll take your word for it. I don't know too much about it. I should know more, but of course you don't. About Egypt? Yeah. Well, everyone's just out on their president, Hosni Mubarak. And he's been in control for about 30 years. And you said yesterday that he's cut off the Internet. You know, people don't have a lot of freedom over there right now, and they're not happy. I know there's a lot of Egyptian cab drivers in New York City. That is true. I met a lot of them. That is true. Whenever I would go to New York City and get into a cab, it would be an Egyptian cab driver.
How do I know? Because I would ask. Yeah, me too. I would say, where are you from? Egypt. From Egypt. All right, that's cool. Where are you going? Going to Chelsea. Chelsea? My wife and I are going to get a pizza. Okay. Should I take the Holland Tunnel? No, don't take the Holland Tunnel. Thank you for saying that. So you know, I know the tricks you guys have. I don't have tricks. I'm from Egypt. I'm a good, honest man. I drive cab. Listen. And I have calling card scheme. You have a calling card scheme? I said calling card business. Okay. You said scheme. I did not say scheme. My wife heard you say scheme. I did not. Honey, did you say scheme? Where are you going? We're going to Chelsea. Why are you going to Chelsea? Are you homosexual? No. I know it's a gay area. You want a pizza? Better pizza. Lily, I take you there. No, I know a place. We're going to John's. You are a John? No. You get prostitute. No. We go to Times Square. We're not going there. In 87. Yeah. How about you just drive up? Maybe you zip your lip. Do as you're told, young lady. You listen to your husband. You listen to your husband. In America, it's not like that. You cover your face. No, she doesn't cover your face. We're paying you to take us somewhere. You not pay nothing. Listen to me.
What? I know what you guys do. You take us on these real weird routes to run up the cab there. I think you'd like to see beautiful city, New York. No. So much opportunity. I don't want to go to the Holland Tunnel. So much opportunity in New York for cab driver, Ichbar. Can you do me a favor? Yes. I know it's 12 degrees outside. Will you please roll the window down? No, sir. I cannot roll. The window's stuck. Oh. Roll down another window. Quit your complaining. Do you have any perfume on? Portally American. First of all, don't call me Portly. In my country, people, star. You eat pizza in Chelsea. It doesn't smell good in the cab. Check. It's probably your upper lip. It probably isn't. It probably... You know what? Let's just... We're going to get out of here. Okay. Have a great time in New York City. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
It's 117th Street. This is Harlem. I don't want to get out. Goodbye, Big Mouth. We'll see you later. Good luck. Goodbye, Big Mouth. One more update with Egypt. The president, he attempted to kind of put an end to the crisis yesterday. Who, Hosni? Yeah. Yeah. He announced that the... That a new government that doesn't include their interior minister, who is also extremely unpopular, who would head the police force, but protesters still didn't care. They just want the president out. When he was a freshman in high school, his friends called him. Hosni home? Hosni. Hosni Mubarak. Can I talk to Hosni? Boobs. We call him boobs. Boobs. Boobs. He shows him his man boobs. Boobs. Speaking of cab drivers. You heard about the cab driver from Brazil that sings just like Michael Jackson. And I mean, I mean, just like Michael Jackson. This is a viral video. Viral video. I'll play the audio. The guy's great. We'll play it next. New Red album is out today. Woodsy helped me out with it. I didn't even know. He texted me yesterday and goes, hey, dude, that new Red album is out tomorrow. And I was trying to keep a note.
to remind myself, and he goes, you can get it right now, pre-order, and then it'll download automatically. It was the greatest thing. So it was there when you woke up this morning? How great is that feeling? You're like... Awesome. First song is a harder song. Chevelle, man. Sounds like Chevelle. They're good, dude. They're real good. What's going on in news, Sienna? Well, the amount of fluoride in our wonderful city's water system will be increased beginning today. Higher levels of fluoride are going to be phased in over the next month. They already gave us more fluoride in our water. Well, it's starting now. Yeah, and they have to do more and more. But more is required to meet the standards of the State Department of Public Health. This crust is just going to start pouring out of our faucet eventually. In. Yeah. Got to taste better than what comes out of there now. It's bad. Yeah, well, some people will say it's a good thing because of the dental health of children, obviously. Another one, you know, will say other people say it leads to cancer. So people are also mad about that.
Also yesterday, a federal judge in Florida ruled that the health care reform law that was passed last year is unconstitutional. He said that people can't be required to buy health insurance or face penalties. So, you know, this just means the final decision is going to be made by the U.S. Supreme Court. So we'll see what they say. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, everybody is now in Dallas, meaning the Pittsburgh Steelers have arrived in Dallas, as did the Green Bay Packers, and they are ready for their battle on Sunday in the Super Bowl. I'm excited, man. It's going to be a good one. One of the reporters yesterday, they were talking to some of the players. They asked Big Ben, hey, Big Ben, have you redeemed yourself this year? Cut one. That's a great reflective question. And the time for reflecting is probably after the year. So for me, I can't reflect now. I've got to think about this game. It's a great way to deflect the reflective. Absolutely. And Mike Tomlin is not ruling out center Marquise Pouncey. Before the Super Bowl, this kid is great. He's a rookie. He is the starter. He's phenomenal. But they are saying that, you know, he's got a high ankle sprain. They're doing everything they can to keep him in the loop. Cut to. We're just going to be as aggressive as we can to give him every opportunity to possibly get in this football game. Loves my comment. I love that man. Yep, absolutely. Let's see. 730 this morning.
We're going to do the Incorporator, but it's different today. Woods is actually going to pick one of us to do it. And we don't know who. He hasn't told us. I think I know who. You do? Yep, but I won't say. I think so, too. I think so, too. I left it to the people. I'm a man of the people, and I left it to the people. You asked them? I did. Who would you like to hear do it? There you go. The people have spoken. Oh, my. Where do you think? Word of the day is latte. The word of the day is latte. And so when you hear me work the word latte into a sentence between now and 10 a.m., caller 9, we'll get a four-pack of SeaWorld Fun Cards, good for admission, all year, $279 value. And you also get a pay-per-view for Saturday's UFC 112. So that's good. It's all coming up. All right, so here's the cab driver I was telling you about. This cab driver is from Brazil, and somebody was in there, you know, in his cab, and the guy started singing like Michael Jackson, and the guy said, hang on a minute, let me pull out a video camera and video you doing this. Take a listen.
Wow. Come on. Come on. Wow. He does the music, too. It's amazing. It's a good tip. I got to say, this is part of the reason that I think that American Idol is kind of a cool show, because there's a cab driver that actually sings. Yeah. A cab driver.
I mean, if there's a cab driver that actually sings, that means there's got to be a waiter and a waitress and a librarian and a salesperson that can sing. That dude's good. Really good. He sounds just like Michael Jackson. Just like him. He made up some of his own words. He could stand to look at some lyrics. Well, he's Brazilian. Maybe he doesn't know all of them. That's true. I don't even know all of them. So I was looking at recaps today, and Jay's struck me. Because he got a massage yesterday. His wife had gotten him a certificate for Christmas for a massage. And so he's sitting there in the waiting room. And the woman comes in and says, listen, I'll be back in a few minutes. Put your clothes on the chair. And in the last minute, Jay decided to leave his underwear on. Jay, you? Since when do you even wear underwear? Well, I wore a special that day just because I knew I was going in for a massage, and you never really know. I mean, you never know. Briefs? Yeah, it's these real silky briefs. They're for hiking. No, they're not. Yeah, they are. No. Silky? Yeah, they're like, so it's real shimmy material. Shimmy? Shimmery? Shimmy. More shimmy.
Are they briefs? Yeah. No, no, no. They're like boxers. Boxer briefs? They're like small boxer briefs. I need to see this. Yeah, what are they made out? Like the same stuff nylons are made out of? No. They're for hacking. I said it. What color? They're black. I knew that. For whatever reason, I knew they were black. They're black. I'll wear them in one day and show them to you. But they were boxer briefs? Well, they're just boxers, yeah. They're just short. They're kind of short. your junk all flowing good when you're hiking? They're like runner's shorts. They wear those real short, like real light material. Yeah, real light, but they don't fit tight. I need to know more about this. I do too. I want to Google them. I want to Google image them. It's like one of the two pair of underwear that I own. Wow. So strange. And so I was sitting there and I was like, you know, you start thinking because it's more, it was more of a, it's not like Mikey's kind of massage where you're going to just lay there. It's like a kind of interactive where you're stretching as you go. You rub them too. It's like a sports massage. You rub them too. It's a sports massage. She does your back and you do her glutes as she's doing your back. Well, did I mention that you do this in a swing? Yeah, I mentioned she's wearing a ball gag.
I've never heard of this. I would hope you're wearing underwear if you're moving around. Her name's Gary. Well, that's the thing. I didn't know. I didn't know how much moving around there was going to be because I've gone in before with a guy and he was doing the massage and the guy would actually get on the table and pick you up and move you around. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. They should warn you of what to wear. Yeah. And so, yeah. And so she said, yeah, you put all your clothes on the chair and I didn't. And then afterwards I was regretting because she's fighting, you know, working all the muscles and stuff. And it wasn't that involved. Like we did all the stretching before the massage. So I was like, dang it. Sounds weird. Sounds like work. It is work. It is work. But it's, you know, to loosen up my back. Full release? Oh, Mike. What kind of place grabs you and twists you? Well, it was an Asian tanning song. To his defense. It's a full on. The same people that work out the Marines like the. Oh, easy big time. I know. Easy big time. I don't even see the guns here. Is the sign.
Is the sign on this establishment written in Korean? No. It's a doctor's office. Is it? Yes, it is. It is. Doctors give gift certificates? Yeah, you get a gift certificate for anywhere. You can get one for a chiropractic. It's also a cigar shop. It's a nail salon. It's a nail salon. You have to have a secret password. It's behind the bookshelf. James. Shibby boxes. Shibby boxes. Well, he said that... He felt bad because he felt – she was having to move the underwear out of the way to do what she needed to do. Oh, God. You could tell it was frustrating for her because she was – Yeah, I know. Here we go. He makes it so hard not to say anything. I feel like I felt proof on that one, but – Yeah, I know. I meant, you know what I meant. Wait, wait, wait. Sorry. Frustrating. Sorry, Grandma Police. I know, it's not our fault, Jay. So, she was frustrated because she was trying to, she was trying to massage you. Right, right. And she had to move the underwear out of the way to. Yeah, it was just, it was obviously a hindrance. Why didn't you take them off then? I'm sorry. Then you're in the room. Then you're in the room. Excuse me, let me remove these. Because I ain't going to be naked.
Wiener time. I ain't sitting there all naked. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Wendy, I'm sorry. Teresa? Gary? Gary? I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I left my britches on. I didn't mean to make you frustrated. I didn't mean to get you all frustrated, but I left my britches on. You got me all frustrated. I can't believe it. You got me frustrated. the way. I'm all bot and hathard. I'm all bot and hathard. I love you so much, Jay. I love you, Jay. He's a mine of gold. He just smiles at us. He's like, I'm going to kill you all. As soon as Flustrated came out, Jay must have been like, damn it. There we go. L.O.B.'s back on the kombucha. If you didn't know, L.O.B. is... A lot like Jay. They're both kind of health nuts. I was telling Jay this morning, no more of this funny business that I've been doing. Eating stuff that I don't normally eat. Just throwing caution to the wind. Getting a little pooch. So I'm going back to my old ways. I'm totally jumping on their bandwagon. From now on, what they order, I'm ordering. I'm bringing my lunch with me. I'm back on the kombucha. Except my kombucha this morning and yesterday. Disgusting.
It always is. What do you mean, disgusting? It's like flat. There's not that little bite. I was so upset. The only thing worse than kombucha is bad kombucha. Yeah, rotten kombucha. Yesterday I mad cried and I threw Tupperware and I said GD. Hello, me. Wow. Okay, listen. Other than the GD, which you know I'm out on. Oh, yeah. I'm out on it. Thank you, Jay. We're talking about this healthy stuff and Jay walks in with perfectly toasted pizza. It delivers it right away. I actually overcooked it. Smell that. Take a deep breath. It smells so good. Amazing. I would rather you eat the hard-walled eggs in here. Oh, my gosh. I overcooked it just a little bit. Oh, it's perfect. He likes it well done. It is perfect. So, other than the GD part, which I can't be down with. I would almost give anything to see video of L.O.B. mad crying because I just want to know what it's like. I threw, I had the sink going. My sink is broken, so I was like trying to fix it and it squirted all over me. So I threw Tupperware against the wall. Was there anything in the Tupperware? No, I was cleaning the Tupperware for my lunch that I'm now bringing in. Is there anything worse? Is there anything worse than when you, like especially when you do something.
That isn't that bad. Like if you take like let's say if you took Tupperware and it was full of spaghetti and you threw that against one exploded everywhere. Is there anything worse than throwing like empty Tupperware? You know, which isn't that bad. And it hits the wall and just bangs off and falls on the floor. Is there anything worse than shamefully having to go over and pick it up? You know, like, I am such an idiot. Oh, I was mad at myself. I do it during fights with my wife sometimes. I'm kind of a hothead sometimes. Just a little bit. And I remember one time we have this doggy gate, and I, like, tripped over it. So immediately furious. Picked it up, threw it down on the ground, and then... Was going to storm out. Do my storm out bit. Couldn't find my keys. Oh, yeah. Remember that? Walked around looking for my keys. Where's my keys? Couldn't storm out because I didn't have keys. If you can't storm out, it's terrible. A seven-year-old kid. Oh, my gosh. You can't complete your mission. Yeah, when you're by yourself, all you have to do is clean up after yourself after you have a stunt like that. Yep. Sienna was a little hurt, sad, and fearful yesterday. I was. She had a bracelet made. I designed it. That she designed. Yeah.
And it's got these little diamonds on it. And when you first did it, didn't they screw it up the first time you did it? Yes. Well, it's a late push present from when I had Sage. What's a push present? It's a gift that your husband or baby daddy will give you when you have a baby. And not all people do this. Not because you push. Happy birthday. It is why it's called a push. That and you were uncomfortable for nine months holding your child. Push present. It represents pushing out a child. It's a good name for it. It's catchy. Husband should get a gift because he puts it up. Yeah, absolutely. We should get an inseminate present. Yeah, exactly. Inseminate. You do. It's called a baby. Fair enough. I wish I didn't know you guys. I know. So the first time she had it made, a diamond fell out of it. They took it back. They repaired it. Well, yesterday you were in here. Yeah. Did you lose it again? Yeah. Well, it's all my family's birthstones. And the garnet fell out first, which is Todd. The garnet. The garnet. And then when the diamonds fell out, which is me and Jenna, because we're April. And so I'm over here like, where's the diamond? It was the second time the thing's fallen out in one week since I've gotten it. All of us doing commercial break. All of us doing commercial break. All the mics went off.
And Sienna goes, you guys, I love the diamond. I love my diamond. Where's my diamond? It's a small diamond, but still. It's a diamond, nonetheless. We were all in our hands. And I'm looking around. I'm like, where's the diamond? I trace my steps to the bathroom. LLB is looking in the bathroom. Mike is under the board on all fours. M1 Hawk is here, Woodsy's dad. And he finds the diamond. He found it. Oh, that man got the biggest hug from me. Eagle eye. I bet he did. So then I was. furious with my jeweler as you can imagine it's the second time one has fallen out you know of all the things that a lot of our audience has never been angry at it's probably their jeweler there's a lot of guys driving right now they're like never been mad at my jeweler well my jeweler they know me First and last name. When I walk in, they know the family. I'm a third generation to this jeweler. I have my accountant, my lawyer, my jeweler. Yeah, she's like Norm from Cheers when she walks in there. And so I was upset. And I immediately, when the show ended, I called and I said, look, this is the second time this happened. I just got this. I designed it. You guys made it. This is not a very complicated bracelet. Oh, boy. And I was mad. How dare you? And so they said, you know, they weren't very apologetic.
And so I was even more mad that they weren't. So I sent Todd in to bring it to the horizon. You did not. You made him do your dirty work. I did. Yeah. He knew I was upset. And it was from him. So he was like, look, I'm going to take matters into my own hands here. Oh, my. They'd be more scared of him. Yeah. I'll chew your rocks off like a wolf. Sienna looked scary yesterday when she picked up the phone around the room. Yeah. I was like, I do not want to be on the other side. I mean, it's like you spend a lot of money. You expect it to be. Staying together. Yeah, you do. You can't just be losing diamonds. I know. Did you guys know that bagpipes are linked to an increased risk of blindness? What? There goes my Saturday. Yes. Yep. You have to cancel your gig. So what's the deal? Well, especially the bagpipes because you blow so hard it puts pressure on your eyeballs. And some Scottish scientists have done the research. And there's a condition where the optic nerve is damaged, which leads to loss of sight. And especially in instruments that have like brass, woodwind, these types of pipes. Ladies, be careful out there. They have a higher risk of developing blindness. So anyone with the brass that plays a brass musician, be careful. Oh, my goodness.
Well, what's the deal? Hamish, come sit down in my office, please. I'm sitting already. Bring your bagpipes. Leave them. Leave them at the door. I'm not leaving them at the door. Leave them at the door. I take them everywhere I go. I know you do. I need to talk to you. What? You're going blind. I'm going blind, you said? You're going blind because of the bagpipes. You have to leave them at the door. Doesn't make any sense. Others of man go blind. From blowing on the bagpipes. That would give me a problem with my trachea. And your eyeballs. They're bugging out of your head. How are they bugging out? How are they bugging out? Leave them. Leave them at the door. I'm taking them. You can't. I'm taking them. Listen to me. You can take my visa. But you can't take my bagpipes. You can't take my bagpipes off of you. I'm taking them. You can't take my bagpipes off of me. You can't take my bagpipes off of me. Okay, last time. One more song. Thank you. One more song. You're telling me this is the... Yes, this is the last song. This is the last one. Enjoy it. You're right, it hurts.
Your eyes are bugging. Playing, let him concentrate. It's the last song. They're bugging at him. I can't give it up. I can't do it. I can't. That was a great Scottish accent by me. It was. Not bad. Not bad. Hey, let's play Buzzword. 570. Yeah! 570. 194.9. If you want to play Buzzword, it's a very easy game to play. You're either going to pick me. Or Sienna. Or Woods. Or L-O-B. And Jay's going to give us the buzzword. Then he's going to give us clues. And our answer has to include the buzzword. All right? So if Jay says the buzzword is egg. Egg. And then he says to be embarrassed, we have to yell out, egg on your face. Egg on your face. 570-1949 if you want to play. Sienna has to tell the story.
I said stop. Save it. And we'll save it. We'll do it after buzzword. Awful. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as L-O-B. This girl's sitting over here to my left with a scarf on. Her name is Sienna. That's Jay. He's our producer. And our phone screener today is Will. It's Will. Is there coffee? Yes. Is there coffee? Is there coffee? Let's see. Word of the day is latte. When you hear me say that between now and ten, caller number nine, UFC. Pay-per-view and four packages of SeaWorld. What's up, Woodsy? I'm ready. All right. Buzzword. Let's play. Let's see who people are getting. Guess who is getting picked first all the time? M1 Andy from Vista. Who do you want? Of course. She's on a roll. M1 John from Escondido. Who do you want? Thank you. I love you, I think. It's nice. Nice of you. My daughter's name is Sage. I like this game because I can't get hosed.
M1 Jennifer from IB. Who would you like? Jennifer. Oh, boy. Jennifer. I have a feeling she was my only hope. Sienna. Yeah. There you go, Jennifer. Good job. It's not a delay. Yeah. M1 Hardbody from Encinitas. Yeah, I got you, Mikey. Yeah, you do. You the dude who goes by Hardbody on Facebook? Yeah. Man, dude. I wish I looked like you. Me, too. What do you do? Send us a pic. What do you do to look like that? Do you do like I do? You have a leftover round table for breakfast? Yeah, all the time. What are you going to eat today? Chicken. Chicken. A little brown rice and chicken, you know. Tuna fish. What do you miss the most? Donuts? He probably doesn't even miss it. He doesn't miss anything. I stop by in and out and get some double-doubles every once in a while. When you say every once in a while, do you mean every four years? Like when Haley's Comet comes? Special occasions.
How often do you have a burger like that? A week. Oh, good. How many days a week you work out? Oh, dude, I can do this. I can do it! 45 minutes to an hour. That's not bad. You can tell, man. The guy's ripped. He's shredded. Shredded. All right, hard body, hang on. Protein powder just right on his fridge. I have some protein powder I got yesterday. I do, too. You do? I do, too. You guys ever just get protein powders? I mix mine with ice cream, but it's protein. I just add it with milk. Yeah, all that cheese that's melted on that pizza right there, underneath it is a thin layer of protein powder. I'm trying to tone up my muscles. Me, too. All right, you ready? Let's do the buzzword. What's a buzzword, Jay? What's a word? Well, first off, we're playing for movie tickets to see The Mechanic. And the word is, I'm going to try to get right to see everybody here. The word is short, Mikey. Mikey. Okay, go. I have one in my mind and it's going to screw me. Stop. Lucky. He played Ed Grimler on Saturday Night Live. Oh, you don't mind. Martin Short.
I didn't hear it! Well, maybe you pay attention and close your jappers. Okay, here we go. Lauren's got one. Wait, we gotta keep score. I have it. Barbecued beef on the bar. Short ribs! Oh, that was a tie. I'm gonna give it to both of you. Okay, they both get it. That's fair. Bottoms with bright patterns worn in the islands. Hawaiian shorts! Bottoms and bright. Bermuda shorts. Damn it. Damn it. She's right. Why did she get these? Her brain works quick. With these, she's so good. Wow, what are you doing, Woods? Okay, here we go. Clever bed making as a practical joke. Short sheet. I've never even heard of that. I don't even know what a short sheet. It's when you short sheet a bed. It's brilliant. I'm going to have your wife do it to you. It's hysterical.
Hysterical. Four and three, Mikey Woods. It's when you take the covers and the sheets and you tuck them in shorter so when you go to pull them up, you can't pull them up. It's so funny. They're ready to go to bed. Okay. Speaking of underwear, not briefs. Boxer shorts! Woods. I just said shorts. Short. Short. Randy Newman's song about the Vertical V Challenge. Short people! Got no reason. A relatively brief period of time. Short stay. A relatively brief period of time. A short visit. Short term.
Short term. Idiot. Idiot. Stupid. You guys are so dumb. Okay, here we go. To bypass the correct wiring. Short cut. To bypass the correct wiring. Short circuit. Short circuit. One. How did she do that? I'm so bad at this game. I hate this game. I love it. Here we go. Lauren has this laugh when she's winning. Oh, no. I am so much better than you. I'm laughing at the stupid things that we yell out. You guys suck. A butter cookie. Shortbread! Weird that Woods got that. Of course. Here we go. Not a long way home. Short way! Short cut! Okay, we have one more. Is that L-O-B? Yeah, it was L-O-B. We've got one more. It's worth nine!
What's 107? I've had two in my head. Here we go. Here's the last question, but it's a new word because we have to have 10. What? What? What? The word is bad. The repercussions of one's negative actions on his life, on his next life. Bad karma! That was a tie. That was a tie. Was it a tie? Yeah. It was a tie. Was it a tie? Yeah. It was a tie. More in one! More in one. Maybe shortstop and shortstack get in the mix. No kidding. I was waiting for both of those. I think they take the real obvious ones out. What about shortcake? Yeah. Yeah, shortcake. That too. Strawberry shortcake. I was so waiting. Strawberry shortcake. I was waiting for short. I thought it was going to be like a pancake. Shortstop. Me too. The position. Shortstop. It messes you up when you have them in your mind. Let's just play our own. We just yell stuff out. Yeah, you do that anyway. Damn. That's true. Woods, I'm telling you that you can say something at the exact same time to somebody and you will go, was it? It wasn't. He's just louder. I'm louder. That's why I think it's in my head. It sounds like I'm first. 5701949. Let's talk to the winner. Weird. M1Andy from Vista. Jay, what did he win? He won a pair of tickets to see The Mechanic.
Yeah, the mechanic at any Regal Entertainment Theater in San Diego. So have fun. Hey, look forward to that. Here you go, Andy. Thank you. Hang on, buddy. We need a better prize for Buzzword because we work really hard. We work so hard. 25 bucks to go see a movie. I mean, it's a great prize, don't get me wrong, but I want more. I know. I feel like I just ran a marathon. A brand new car. A new car. I feel very winded. All right, Sienna, tell the story you were starting to tell. Oh my gosh, it was terrifying. So over the weekend, Jenna, my nine-year-old stepdaughter, was with us. And Jenna and Sage, my five-month-old baby, share a room. Sage is not the best of sleepers. She wakes up in the middle of the night. And so when I was lying in bed, Sage woke up and Jenna came and got in bed with me. Todd was in the other room dealing with the baby. He's a good dad. I woke up to something really inappropriate on the television screen. I had fallen asleep watching The Hangover. Jenna wasn't in my room then. It was on Cinemax. Skinemax. Yeah. Woke up around 1.30 to some really hardcore stuff. Softcore. Jenna. Oh, it's hardcore. It's hardcore. Dude, it's simulation. It was two girls. It's not. No. I'm not kidding.
How do I know this? It's not hardcore. Because they don't show stuff happening. Right. But it's not like kissing and touching. It's like simulation of stuff. I mean, I woke up and was like... The TV was still on. She was next to me. Sound asleep. Thank God. Thank God. And I was like, I'll go. No. In the dark, looking for a remote. Oh, my gosh. I would have told Todd, and he was like, oh, my gosh, because Jenna has the parental controls on her TV in her room, but not on ours in our bedroom. Yeah. And so it scared me to death. It just makes me think, you know, what if she woke up? So what channel is this? Like you don't know. Yeah. He knows. I got an illegal cable box. I have a satellite only for softball. It's called a softalite. A softalite dish. Yeah, I had Rebecca put parental controls on there for me. That a boy. Oh, yeah. So that I don't look at porno. Nice. Do you guys have all the movie channels like the Encore and all that stuff? Yeah. Yeah, the Cinemax.
From when we were younger, when you were younger, you're like, cool, late night cinemax. Now you watch it, you're like, wow, wow. If you saw boobs when you were a kid, you thought it was porno. You were stoked when you were 10 and you saw boobs. So much more now. So much more. And so it was making me think, you know, during the day, those are movies that I watch and I leave the TV on all the time. And it made me actually think about my neighbor who I've caught watching porn. Maybe he's falling asleep and that's what's on because that's what happened to me. Yeah. It happens to me. He could be like, you're just as much of a creep as I am. We leave the TV on and leave the dog in the house at night and we go out. And it's happened before when we come home once and that was what was on TV. He's like, I was watching The Devil Wears Prada. I fell asleep and this is what came on. I just feel like there should be. exclusive channels only for that, and it shouldn't be on channels where there's regular movies. Ah, come on. No? No, you'd put the controls on there. It should be like HBO Adult, or like, I don't know. It should be called HBO Adult? Something like that. So that you know that anytime it's there, that's all that's going to be on. Is there a setting? Someone was saying that there was a setting, and I couldn't find it, that you can set so that the TV turns off at a certain time. Oh, yeah, yeah. Sleep time. Sleep.
Sleep timer is brilliant. Well, yeah, that. But no, as a parental control thing to know that the TV doesn't turn on after this time. Oh, that's good. Even if they try to turn the TV on, they can't turn it on? That's what someone said. Or maybe it was just some channels you can't turn on. You should use the sleep timer, though. That works good, too. Unless you're my wife, who never uses it. Well, I got kind of used to having the TV on when I was breastfeeding because it was easy to have light and I could see what I was doing. So I just kind of got used to the TV on. Apparently it's bad for me. So Rebecca has the password. You don't know the password. Uh-uh. No, otherwise I would watch porno. A hundred. Now, see, a lot of people. Guys, that's what we're wired for. Yes. Now, there's a lot of guys that would say, and I totally get it. There's a lot of guys that would say, because I used to say, hey, there's nothing wrong with porn. Sunday is what they're calling Porn Sunday. And John Kitna, Matt Hasselbeck, you even hear Miles McPherson. over from the Rock Church, where I used to go, is on this thing. Check this out. John Kitna. I play quarterback right now for the Dallas Cowboys. I'm Miles McPherson, pastor of the Rock Church in San Diego. Played for the San Diego Chargers 1982 to 1985. I'm Josh McCowan. I'm a professional football player. Play quarterback. I've been playing for nine years. Eric Bowles is my name.
I had a chance to play a couple years in the NFL. My name is Matt Hasselbeck. I play quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks. No one knew that my problem was this bad. Sex is an awesome thing that God designed, but here's how he designed it. It's so tough for guys to fess up and to deal with it because guys are prideful. I would go home and I would sit there and the laptop and I would have a conversation and I would battle with not even wanting to open it up. Not even wanting to check emails because I knew where it might lead me. You go to MSN or CNN or MSNBC and see this and it leads you to a link to this and pretty soon I'm into this world that I never really knew existed. If you're a man that's struggling and it's in secret. Let me tell you, this is the one thing in your life that I'm convinced of is holding you back from doing what God wants you to do, from being the leader in your family, from being the leader in your community. It's time that you step up as a man and say, you know what, I'm going to deal with this. I'm going to get some help. I'm going to clean some of this stuff up. I'm going to do this today. You really don't want to walk with God. You're not a real man in this area of pornography. You want to just leave that door open. You want to have that there for your moments of weakness. Now, I want people to know.
This isn't a Mikey thing. Like this is national news because Hasselbeck and, you know, all these dudes from the NFL are attached to it. So it's national news came up in our audio that we use every day. Porn Sunday. And, you know, listen, I understand there's a bunch of dudes that are like, hey, man, I don't see anything wrong with it. And it's fine. And I mean, I'm not going to tell you what to do or any of that. I just tell you my own experience. My own experience with it is that it created a false sense of what a chick is for me, okay? And I know a couple of dudes. I know a couple of dudes that I think has done that with them too. They think that a girl is supposed to kind of – they get conditioned for what women look like and what they do in bed. And then they get with their wife, and their wife doesn't necessarily live up to it. And pretty soon you got to jack the, you know, relationship with your girlfriend or your wife because it's not what you're seeing on the porno. The other thing is, is that it isn't real. You know, it's not real. And the whole concept of, oh, there's nothing wrong with fantasy. Yeah, there is something wrong with fantasy. It isn't reality. That's what's wrong with fantasy. It isn't reality. And so, you know.
But my deal is my relationship with my wife is a lot better if I'm not looking at porno. And I agree at the very end of it when the guy says, you know, that's the deal of being a real man. And it's a struggle because dudes are conditioned visually way more than women. I mean, I know the statistics on chicks and porn is like... It's through the roof. Like a lot more girls are looking at porn than they used to. But guys are way more geared towards visual than chicks are. I was listening to that audio and hearing him say, you know, it's a battle with my computer. I don't even want to check my email because I know. And I'm just like. For me, as a girl, I can't even imagine. Like, that thought would never cross my mind. I can't imagine a woman being like, ooh, can't wait to get home. Make this right. Todd's gone. Here we go, computer. Hey, there's a book called something like The Man's Battle or something like that. It's strong, man. It's a strong thing.
It's boring to me now. It's boring. See, that's the other. OK, boring. So check this out. Now, here's the other deal. And Woods just said it. And I wouldn't have remembered it unless you said it. The other problem with porn is that you get to a point where maybe when you were 10, it started out, you'd see Playboy. Right. And then that's not enough. So you graduate the penthouse. OK, and then that's not enough. And so you graduate the hustler. And then that's not enough. And then you get on the Internet and donkeys aren't enough. And then you get on the Internet and, you know, Japanese vomit films aren't enough. And you just get to this point. Yeah. Now, think of that same dude, right? That same guy is married to a girl. Okay. Married to a woman. So you get and this is adult conversation. Sorry. You know, I may say some things here that are adult. So if you got kids in the car, I don't mean to turn down the radio or whatever. I don't mean to freak anybody out. How are you supposed to be with your wife? And you're like, doggy? Yeah, forget that. Right. I mean, I just saw some crazy stuff. It gets to a point where you get desensitized to the stuff. And then even an adventurous sexual relationship with your wife isn't enough. Boring to you now. It's boring. It's boring. It's like, I don't know. Whatever. You're like, yeah, I might want to if there's two black guys and Asian, you know.
There's this involved and that involved. And the midgets run around. Sorry, little person. Sorry. Sorry. A little person. But that is the deal. And I can speak from experience, man. I got desensitized. Yeah. I'm desensitized. 100%. I got desensitized. 100%. Not me. Guys. Guys and girls are just so different. I was actually talking to Todd about this the other day. And I said, do you remember the first time you ever saw boobs? And he was like. Oh, yeah, I remember. Like, the exact picture. He's like, I was, like, in fifth grade or something, and his buddy had a Playboy in, like, seven plastic bags hidden in a hill. Yeah. Yeah. My friend. Sounds familiar to about 80,000. Every guy. And I was like, why the bags? He said, so it didn't get wet. Protected. I'm sorry. He's gold. My friend, I had a girlfriend named Lisa Lee. I was in fourth grade. Her dad had all these penthouses, and he had thrown them in the bottom of this barrel, this trash barrel in the garage. She's like, look at that. And I'm like.
Oh, mamacita. Right. And I knew I was all the way in. Didn't know what it was. He said there's always like one guy that you know growing up that like has the connection to it. And you're like, every guy wants to be that guy's friend. Down by the creek, five dudes sitting around looking at it. For us in Yuma, Arizona, it was down by the canal. There was this big bunch of trees and they formed like a fort of trees and all in there was porn. Oh my gosh. I know. Like, I just, it's, you guys are so different than Carlos. Yeah. We were driving to Yuma one time. I was driving to Yuma with my parents. I'm sitting in the backseat, 10 years old, and I'm thumbing through a, like, hardcore porn. What? A hardcore porn magazine. I'm just, like, you know, turning the pages. And finally, my mom noticed. And she took it, and the next rest stop we stopped at, she threw it away. Where'd you get it? At the porn thing. Why'd you take it with you? I will be 100% honest with you. I wanted to get caught. You wanted to get caught. You wanted to be like a big guy. Yeah. I wanted to get caught. I can see that. You had to have wanted to be caught. No way. I did. It didn't stop me from continuing to look at it. I just wanted their take. Yeah. Which makes me think back now. And I'm like, that means I got to give my kids a take on porn. Yeah. Because my boys are going to want to look at porn. 150%. They're going to want to look at porn.
Now it's all everywhere. It's everywhere. We didn't have that. I mean, when we were young, it was like you saw there was like a cutout of one boob. And you're like, we got a magazine in the mail. Pacific magazine. I don't even know why. But on the cover this month is a girl in a red bra. And Todd was like, look at this. If I was 10 years old, I'd be like, yes. And now, like, I was looking at it. No big deal. You know. But I just, it's like, God, I would have never even thought that way. That's all you needed when we were little. National Geographic. National Geographic, yeah. Yeah, Sears catalog. The Sears catalog is what he said. The bra section. Pennies. Yeah, and the panties then would be like up to the belly button. Full coverage on the bras. They're all nude colored. Now you look at a Victoria's Secret catalog and you're just like, wow. Nude panties that came up over their belly button. We were like, oh, wow. Oh, yeah. I'm all I am. Why did I just see a girl in a bathing suit? That worked. Oh, yeah. Anything. Whatever. Sports Illustrated. Yeah, now, one of the guy's voices that you heard on there is one of the dudes that started XXX Church. They got this software that you could get for free at x3watch.com. It's called accountability software. So if you're a dude and you feel like you're looking at too much porno.
and you believe that it's a problem, you put this on there. Then you put somebody as your accountability partner. You put their email address. Every week it sends a report no matter what. The report's either blank or it's got bigjugs.com written on it. All right? Oh, my God. And if it does, your accountability partner's job is to write you and light you up. I had to get lit up one time. You got lit up once. I got lit up one time. And never did it again. Uh-uh. Wow. And he, let me tell you. He put me on full blast. Wow. Wow. I will remember till the day I die the opening sentence. He goes, let me start this by saying, I have a daughter. And I went, and you've met her. That'll get you. That will get you, and it will get you good. Dude, I'm telling you, it was like a knife in my heart. Yeah. And you just don't want to be embarrassed. Do you know what I mean? Let's see. M1K from San Diego. Hi, Kay. What up? This is so devastating. It's something I wouldn't even have been able to listen to, let alone talk about last year. It starts so simply. And my family was devastated and ended in divorce last year because of just exactly this thing. You know, it starts out with...
funny little thing on the internet and next thing you know your your husband's got a whole secret life when you're not home and find ways to drop the kids off at practice or dental appointments to sneak back to his car and get on his phone and i mean it's it's real and it's true and it's sad Hey, listen, and I think that in addition to that, depending on the guy, by the way, it's depending on the guy, but depending on the guy, the guy could also watch that stuff, and it puts ideas in his head, and he's like, maybe I get a little some on the side. Absolutely, that's how it works for me, and next thing you know, there's that rabbit hole of prostitution, and it just spirals out of control, and it seemed cute and fun, and I was kind of in on it years and years ago from a softcore side. I didn't know what was happening to him, and I think, Mikey, you said it's visual for men, and it's something that women just can't really understand what it really, really means because we're not wanted that way. No, man, and I'm telling you, and thanks for the call. I appreciate it. I'm telling you, even a guy, you know what I'm about. You know what I stand for. It's a powerful thing for me, and I got to do whatever I can to guard myself from it because it's a powerful thing to me. I'm a dude, man. Yeah.
That's stuff, man. And we want to look at it. That's a way that we are wired. Do you have a take on married couples using it together? No. No take? Yeah, I have a take. I say don't use it because you use it as a married couple and then... What about when she's at the grocery store? You're like, you have some rule. Really? Only when you're here. Only when you're here. And then she's at the grocery store. You're like, eh, you know what? Maybe one time. One time. It's three times. It's six times. Maybe 12 times. All right. Maybe 147 times. Who would you put on your 10 most hated people in sports list? We have an official list coming up on Woods on Sports. Let me see how right you are. And we're also doing the Incorporator, and Woods will pick one of us to be the Incorporator. So call us right now with words that you want us to incorporate to a flower shop. Welcome back to Mikey's Show, and we're going to be doing something very different today with the Incorporator. Happy anniversary, pal. That's right. Today's the Mikey Show's one-year anniversary on FM 94.9. How about that?
We will have the 10 most hated people in sports coming up. Word of the day is latte when I say that between now and 10. Caller 9, four-packed tickets at SeaWorld and UFC pay-per-view. Pay-per-view? Pay-per-view. An M1 is a Mikey Show listener. When you call in as an M1, you turn your radio down, get to the point, don't cuss. That's what makes you an M1. And we thank M1s for supporting us for the last year. It means a lot to us. Absolutely. Woods does not have to leave the room. Woods, who does have to leave the room? As I said before, Mike, I'm a man of the people, and I let the people decide today who it's going to be. Who is going to be the incorporator? Jay. He's got his hands on him. Look at him, look at him, look at him. He's so nervous. He is so. Hey. I was terrified. You can do this. I'm going to throw up. He's going to love it. I knew it. He gets so nervous. I knew it. The M1s decided. Yeah.
And I did the tally from this morning, and I want to say, not overwhelmingly, but by a good solid seven or eight votes, Uncle Jay is what they said. Jay, let me ask you a question. Okay. Is this about as far opposite of a skill level for you as it gets? Oh, yeah. For people that don't know what the Incorporator is. Are you crying, Jay? For people that don't know what the Incorporator is, we are going to call a flower shop. Oh, boy. Woods is trying to pump Jay up right now. It worked. I'm in. He's in. We are going to call a flower shop. And Jay has to incorporate eight words into the conversation with the flower shop. Have him take his headphones off. I'm going to stand out there and make sure you can't hear these words. You want to stand when you're ready. All right. Wait till the door closes. Jay said to me this morning, because we're always the first two in here, and he was like... You think Wes is going to pick me? I don't know, man. I feel like it's either you or me. And he's like, it's me? I knew. I'm so scared. I knew he would pick him. All right. So M1 Mike wants Jay to use the word stiff. M1 Robert wants him to use the word umbilical cord. M1 Pablo, Vaseline. M1 dog bait, chorizo. M1 Pete, noose.
M1 Jason, Wheelhouse. M1 Kyle, Cancun. And M1 Fernie, Leprechaun. So Jay has to work all those words into a conversation with this place, the flower patch that we're about to call. He can come in. Jay, you can go in. Use my mic. You can do this, buddy. You got it, Jay! No big deal. Nice Bieber. All right. Oh, no. This is the greatest. Now, here's what everybody listening needs to know. The audience, meaning you and your car, as you're listening right now, when we call this person, they will be able to hear Jay. They will not be able to hear me feeding him the words. Yes. Jay, I will give you the first word. Get in a zen place, Jay. Oh, my goodness.
He's so nervous. He's so nervous. Oh, my God. The first word, Jay, is stiff. Stiff. Stiff. Okay. All right, here we go. I got a boner. Hi, how you doing? I'm good. How are you? This is Woods. I'm kind of a big deal out on a radio show out in San Diego, and I want to get something really nice for my mom. She lives out there. And, you know, I don't want to stiff her, okay, because she brought me into this world. Yeah, you know, I had to cut the umbilical cord because, you know, I'm grown up. I'm a big boy now, but I still want to give it back to the lady who really made it all happen for me. Vaseline. Okay. So what are you thinking of? So I want to get something smooth as Vaseline going here, because I want to get something nice, you know, like a card, like maybe a card that sings. Do you have one of those? We do have the cards, and we actually have them where you can record on them.
If that's what you're looking for, we can do that. Oh, hold on a second. Hold on. The guy at the door is with my tree, so hold on. Yeah, yeah, that $5 tip is good. Okay. News. Yeah, so I don't know if you're watching the news today, but I was thinking that I saw they deliver these flowers and the people kind of sing when they bring them. What's that called? Okay. Those are like the singing. I said noose. Oh, yeah. Okay, you know, maybe I shouldn't do that. My mom put my neck in a noose. Wheelhouse. So you guys deliver, right? We do deliver. So that's right in your wheelhouse? I'm sorry? That's right in your wheelhouse being able to deliver? Yeah. Cool, cool. What kind of flower arrangements do you have? Oh, my goodness. What are you looking for? We can make it happen. I don't know. My mom has been to Cancun. Do you have anything like a reminder of that? We have tropical arrangements, absolutely.
Maybe I just should stick with the traditional tulips. Okay. We have tulips also. Oh, cool. Let me think about this for a minute. You know, I'm feeling lucky as a leprechaun. I'm going to come in the shop and see what you got because I want to pick out some really nice roses. My name is Rachel, so if you want to come on in, ask for me, and I can definitely hook you up. Well, thank you so much. You're welcome. Bye-bye. Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I never want to do that again. I never want to do that again. And he said, on the news. I said, noose. He goes, I saw it on the news. Jay, well done. Oh, my God. Wow. I'm so proud of you. Wow.
My son just graduated. He just put one out in the bottom of the night. He has set the bar. Oh, I'm so scared. If we can't do it. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. That was scary. That was a good job, dude. When he first started out, I was like, easy to Nero. And then it got really natural. Oh, I was so uncomfortable. It's not easy, is it? It's not easy. I feel like my head's going to come off. Oh, my gosh. He did good. He did really good. I think he's good under pressure. Yeah, he is. He's good under pressure. He did great. He did great. For the first time. And he doesn't like stuff like that at all. No. He hates it. He works bits in there. It's been on the news. The best way he goes, well, I want to get her something. You know, she's been to Cancun and she really liked that. I was like, Jay, that's brilliant. I could have done any better myself. That was good. You trained him well. Good job.
Wow. That was the most nerve-wracked I've ever been in a year. Oh my gosh, I feel like I was watching my child in a recital interview that they were going to mess up and I was like waiting for it. M1 Pete from San Diego. Hey, what's up guys? I just want to give Jay props because noose was my word. He messed up and came back and killed it. That's right. On the news. Good job. Thank you, man. Thanks, man. I liked the Will House. She's like, excuse me? I said, is it in your wheelhouse? She's like, oh yes, it's in our wheelhouse. What is a wheelhouse? It's a house with wheels. The silence after he said tulips. Yes, silence. We have tulips. She was like, um... Very well done. Very well done. We have an action-packed 15 minutes here for you because we will follow... The Incorporator Up with Little Woods of Wisdom. Perfect. Okay, if you have a guy question for Woods, he's our guy's guy. It could be about guy fashion. It could be about dating. It could be about anything that's guy related. He is our resident guy's guy. So call us.
Ask us a question. Also, you can remember that on our website, there's a little thing that says Woods of Wisdom, where you can actually go there and ask them a question there. You can write in. That's what we read you. The first question is, Woods, does pool hustling really exist? I played some dude at this place called Hungry Stick in Claremont Mesa, and this kid whacked me for $200 over the course of a couple of hours. I'm not that bad either. I just wonder if you think it's real or if I've watched The Color of Money one too many times. It's M1 Blue. M1 Blue, I think you just answered your own question. He just got you for $200. It is absolutely real. Really? I've been hustled before. Have you? There was a place in Dallas called the Royal Rack, and we used to go there because they served beer underage. And we used to play pool all the time there. These guys would let you win a couple games. You'd win $20, $40. Then they'd do the bit of, all right, double or nothing. Let me win my money back. We'd walk out of there inebriated and down a couple hundred bucks. A bunch of high school kids. Like white men can't jump. Yeah, exactly. So it really does happen. I mean, dude, there are guys out there that will be careful when you're playing pool for money. Play against somebody you know and you know their skill level. Or just play for fun and not money. Well, that's bull.
I wonder if two hustlers have ever hustled each other. I know. It's like they meet up and they start hustling each other. I'm sure. Then at that point, it's just a battle of who's better. Yeah. The next one says Woods. What's protocol for going to the beach with a chick if you're kind of fat? I'm taking this girl to Cabo next week, and I don't know if I go tank top or skins. I'm kind of a whale. I'm fat, dude. Let's face it. M1 Qualcomm. You need to revel in your fatness. Really? Because she's going with you to Cabo. First of all, you don't wear a tank top. Okay? You don't wear a tank top. You're not, you know, Bret Michaels from Poison. Don't wear a tank top. You're not big bodybuilder. What if it's bedazzled? Definitely. And you're wearing dolphin shorts. Definitely not. Definitely not. I'd say, man, you go down there and you act like, hey, yeah, I'm fat, but. I'll still give it to you. I'd say get a little color before you go because you don't want to be fat and sunburned. Sienna, that's a good point. If I were you, I'd go to Choose Fitness and get a little tan in and get a workout in too like a kid's going to do. My friend says, if you can't tone it, tan it. Yeah. That's a great motto to live by. You know, because the tan makes you look better. I have another.
a piece of advice for you. Stay in the water a lot. Whether it's in the pool, keep kind of your belly below and then you can lean up on the pool. What about if your big boobs are... Well, then kind of stay under there and have your cocktail up on the... She knows what you look like already. She's going with you. I mean, you're going to score. Yeah. Just wear a string bikini. M1 Steve from Poway. Hey, what's going on? What's up? So, Woodley. Yo. By the way, hello, everybody. Good morning. Good morning. All right, so I recently got into a relationship with this girl. And I go out with her friends, and I'm a little older than her. How's a little? How old is a little older? Like three, four years. Okay, no big deal. Yeah. So sometimes they all want to hang out, but I know that their friends are kind of coming out to me sometimes. And I've never really experienced that as a dude because, well, you know, we're always chicken girls. But I kind of was like, whoa, really? Yeah, like we should all hang out together. I'm like, I don't think so. Make that right for yourself. What? I'm just kidding. No, I was kidding. I was totally kidding. That's all I needed. I was totally kidding. That's all I needed. No, listen, I'm trying to think if that's ever happened to me. I don't know that I could ever really know that they were coming on to me. I've been around some people that were flirty, but coming on to and being flirty is different. I'm a pretty flirty dude, but I wouldn't say that I come on to somebody's wife or girlfriend. Or text them all the time.
Like if they're her sisters, I'm like very polite and generous. And of course, I'm trying to get in good with a friend. But sometimes they give me that eye and I'm like, whoa. Well, you can control it, my friend. Just don't acknowledge that kind of stuff. Or just acknowledge it and drink it in. No. It feels real good. Not if you want a relationship with this girl. Yeah, if you really like this girl, you know. But here's what you don't do. You don't go telling her. You don't go telling her your friends are coming on to me because then she doesn't think you're an a-hole. And if they do, maybe talk about how much you like their friend, the girl. And then maybe make it right if it doesn't work out. Stop us. Thanks, Steve, for the call. Oh, boy. Was there a passive-aggressive comment in there somewhere? No. Oh, okay. About Woods texting Mike's wife Rebecca. Really? Mike, it doesn't really bother you. No. It's creepy. I don't text her creepy stuff. I'm like, hey, do you guys want to ride to this thing? I'll drive. Why don't you text me? I do. I don't get a response, and sometimes I have to go to the missus. It'll work out. Will it? Everything will be okay. You've been taking a long time to respond to texts. Maybe you pay attention to your friends. What's going on, Mike? That's some woods of wisdom for you. I just have the phone off. Why? Sometimes you're in bed at six. I'm in bed at six all the time. I need something from the Esparza family.
But now when I email or something, I don't get the response until the morning. Exactly. Even if it's like two in the afternoon. You remember when you all used to be friends and stuff a year ago when we started? I nap. Here's what does not happen. I never get messages from you guys and just don't respond. I believe that. I always get it and then respond when I get it. 24 hours later. You nap? Yeah. You don't nap? Uh-uh. I can't nap anymore. Naps are good. Woods, my husband watches 90210. The old ones. And says it's because he just likes it. But I think he watches it because of the high school girl thing. Is he BSing me or do you think he's being honest? M1 Maria. M1 Maria. I hate to break this to you. He likes it. He likes it. You don't watch those shows because there's hot chicks on it. If you want to see Hot Chicks, there's plenty of places that you want to see Hot Chicks. Us Weekly. Yeah, that was one of them I was going to say. Us Weekly. That's random. I was not thinking Us Weekly. He was going to say something inappropriate. Yes. Here's the deal. He likes the stories. Yeah. He's in on it. Yeah. Listen. Donna Martin graduate. Donna Martin graduate. Self-admittedly, 90210. Love it. Loved it. Me too. Loved it.
Have no problem with it. Bren. Hey, Bren, I'll be at the beach. Bren, I'm going to drink a beer and drive my Porsche. Yo, what's up? It's David Silva. I'll be spinning at the Peach Pit after dark tonight. You don't talk like that, David. Yes, I do. You don't. Yes, I do. Can't you not hear me? I can hear you. I'll be spinning at the Peach Pit, man. You bring... Donna, bring Kelly, bring Emily Valentine. Bring all them witches out there. Emily Valentine doesn't come until later in the seasons. She's not this early. You'd be bringing her to the Peach Pit after dark. We're going to have to look into it. Dylan bought this place. He bailed me out. He bought me this place. He gave me a place to spend. Bought it with the insurance money from wrecking the Porsche. Yes. Yeah. And Valerie, she's part owner. That's true. She'd be running this club. You know who's cute? Who? Andrea Zuckerman. No! Not really. You're the only person. David, she's cute. She ain't cute. She's 64 years old, too, by the way. I bet you didn't know that. She's 17. She's a senior in high school. She's in the AARP. She's 17? She's a senior in high school. No, she ain't. She's got four kids. How could she go to Beverly Hills High if she's... Because she's an actress.
But how old do you think she is? She's 64. I told you. Oh, my gosh. I don't believe it. Ladies and gentlemen, believe it. EBW wants to tell you something. She's doing a drive-by. She'll do a quick stop by and then got to play the audio of the three-year-old saving his dad's life, calling 911. We got Woods on sports. Happy birthday, Woods. That's right. Don't forget Valentine's Day. How many days till Valentine's Day? 13? 13. Well done, guys. Less than two weeks. Don't forget your Uncle Victor. Yeah, how you doing? This is your Uncle Victor for Make Me a Drink. I don't care what you make me. Mix it in one of those mixes or pour me something right out of the bottle. Why don't you put it in a glass with ice and mix it. Get me a Corona.
Or dos seconds. Get me something good. It's Valentine's Day. When I come home, how come if you don't fix me something? Do it. Fix it. Uncle Victor for fixing me. I like the microphone. Screaming out stuff. Mags again. Dang it. Frick hey. All right, so we'll do EDWF. And the three-year-old calling 911 next. I pictured Todd in slow motion in a Supra. Just getting him to Tesla. His hair, he's got the window rolled down on the driver's side of the Supra. He's driving slow motion and his gold locks are sort of blowing in slow motion. He's shirtless. He's shirtless. Pantsless. Pantsless. I love this song so much. So much.
Tina's husband loves his Toyota Supra. And he loves some Tesla. He loves editing 80s. Even at Woods' baby shower, he's like, oh, it's got the 80s playing right now. I'm like, babe, really? You're like, catch up. 2011, my friend. His wife was born in the 80s. That's right. True story. His wife was born in 86? Five. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. You guys know this. How old was he when you were born? 14, 15? 13. 13. Kids hitting balls out of the park in Little League real good when his wife's born. I like to play that game. When a song comes out, I'll be like, oh, I remember this. Sixth grade dances. And he's like, yeah, I was in the bars. In the minors. Yeah, I was in the minor leagues. It was my first cubicle job. My graduation to kindergarten. Right. He's like, yeah, it's the first year I made commissions. He was born in 72. I was born in 85. 72 to 85. That's great. I love it. It's a problem. Guy looks great. He does. Oh, yeah. I told you. All the guys on my baseball team were like, dude, you got to get that guy out there, man, to play with us. He was in the minors. I'm like, consider it done. Was. Yeah. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And our phone screener today is Will. It's Will. Word of the day is a latte. Haven't said it yet.
Say it sometime between now and ten for you to win. A couple things. Going to play you some audio of a three-year-old calling 911 to save his dad's life. Sweetest thing ever. We're going to do some woods on sports, too. You know, my band, I was in an eighth grade, Gypsy Rose, they wanted to do this song. I couldn't sing it. And I tried. And I tried. I couldn't sing that high. And I tried. I can see you practicing. Love me! They're like, nope, we're not going to do that with anyone. Maybe you take it down a couple octaves. And then it was, love is all around you. It sounded so bad. Not the same. Nope. You go the opposite way. It's like everybody's mom when they're vacuuming and singing. Love is all around you. That's what I do now. I'm on a highway. Mom's always singing all sweetly.
Change the melody. Sweet. Let her in. Okay. Eskimo Blue Waters, ladies and gentlemen. I know you wanted me back in. I didn't. You said you were coming back today. You asked me to return. Garrett said it was okay. Only nine minutes late this time. It's cool. Eskimo. Yes. What's different today? I'm here to promote. something really big I'm doing in San Diego at a San Diego hotspot. Okay. Something near and dear to my heart, your heart, I hope, if you're not a monster. Right. She said all that yesterday. And it's going to blow your mind. Okay. What else? Eskimo, you S-O-B. What? This is what you said yesterday. Same thing. Yeah, I just want to make sure I stay fresh in the minds of your M1s. How do you stay fresh with the same message? Same message. You got to hit him over the head with it sometimes. Oh. That's my whole marketing technique. All right. So she's going to do something that she believes will make national news. Yeah. When's it happening? That's a good question. It'll be happening either this week or next week. Either this week or next week. Yeah. So is there planning and preparation that goes into it? You know, I've got a plan. I've got a vision in my head. All right. This vision, I might actually paint it, too, because I think it would be a cool painting. You might actually paint it? It's a self-portrait.
You can paint, too. I can. You can paint visions? Well. Oh, wow. I'm going to, well, I'm going to, I'll have to take a picture, and then I'll paint it afterwards. All right. Okay. Tuskimo Blue Waters. You guys will be there. How many followers do you have now on Twitter? I think like 50, no big deal. 50? I gave 50 in a day. Wow. Well, she had three, you know. I had one when I went on the air. Power Radio. Yeah. What is your Twitter? Official EBW. Twitter.com Official EBW. Some hack stole the other one, right? Yeah, some hack stole the Eskimo Blue. I'm kind of used to it by now. Lots of imitators. But I'm persistent. You should know. You gotta give me that. Yeah, you'd know. All right. You have to go. Thank you. I do have to go. Yeah, I have a gig. Bye. It's Eskimo Blue. She loves the airtime. She loves that mic. She loves it. What'd you say? So we'll get to sports in just a minute. I guess auditions for a new sports guy going out over the airwaves. Well, yeah, because you're going to be on paternity leave. Yeah. I don't know when. Only for a little while. We don't know when. I wish I knew when. I wish I had a date. So at some point we'll maybe let a listener come in. Wow. Really? Fell in for Woods. Wow. Wow. No kidding. Yeah. Is that a new idea you have? Well, no. My friend CB said he could do a day or two. Cool.
Uh, like last time, but then, you know, we got to fill the other days. Yeah. So what are we going to do? That'd be cool to have like a contest. I'm trying not to, you know, I don't want to be gone long, but it's kind of important. Yeah. Oh yeah. Wife's having a baby. Yeah. Well, we're adopting a baby. Right. And that takes work. It's, and you know, what I didn't know is that there's a certain amount of time that we. have to stay there. I think it's like three days that we have to be there. You think I'll be pacing much? Freaking out much? You'll be fine. You'll be so happy. Did you guys know that farting in Malawi can be a crime? What? In Maui? Malawi. In Africa. Hey partner, come on, you gotta relax. Don't force it. You can blow out your O-ring. That's why Woods is not allowed in Africa. Well, the government of Malawi, they're trying to punish Persistent offenders. Like what? Who, quote, foul the air. Really? You foul the air. I do not. In an effort to, quote, mold responsible and disciplined citizens. You're breaking a law if you do it. What if you're a kid? You can't help it that bit? Right. I can't help it. I'm incontinent. Can you? No. Yeah, they've got to bend the rules for people who just can't help it. I know it.
Breaking the wind, breaking the wind. Breaking the wind, breaking the wind. Oh, wow. Breaking the wind, breaking the wind. Breaking the wind, breaking the wind. Oh, my God. Gorgeous. Wow. And now a three-year-old saving the life of his father. I haven't heard it. I cried. I may or may not cry. I know when something's sad in the morning when she's looking at her story. She's not here. From nowhere, I hear. I make a noise. I go, I don't even know what I do, but it's the same noise every time. I know it. You know the noise. Here it is. A three-year-old Oregon boy makes a desperate call to 911 after his father impaled himself with a wood chisel. Listen. That call likely saved Aaron Hay's life.
He accidentally embedded a chisel deep in his arm, severing a main artery. His three-year-old son, AJ, saw all the blood gushing and knew what he had to do. Tell him why you weren't scared. Well, because I was brave. I'm super proud. I couldn't be more proud. I could be not here doing an interview right now. The critics say hate easily could have bled to death, and they point to this as another example of the importance of teaching kids how to use 911. Give me a break. What? I want to punch you in the face. Oh, my God. He got a chisel embedded in his arm, right? In a major arm. In one arm. So, to me, it's all just rigged. He's like, here, you call for me. No. Because he still had a perfectly good arm. Jay, that was like you're making love to a beautiful woman and your parents just walked in the room. That's what that felt like to me just now. He was not a shock. He screamed in the background. Mom, get out of here. I'm making love to this woman. It's a beautiful moment. I don't want to put down the crackpot to call. Did you not hear the fear of the little boy's voice?
Yeah, because his dad's too dumb to know how to dial the phone. Oh, my gosh. I want nothing to do with you, Jay, as well. Maybe he was trying to pull it out. Yeah. Don't. A. Well, he doesn't know. B. Learn how to use it. What a monster. Oh, my gosh. He's three years old. Let's turn off Jay's mic for the rest of the day. Well, Jay, you're going to have to answer to this kid because we have the kid on the phone. Oh, no. Jay's a kid. Wow. Hey there, little fella. That's not very nice. of you. So, how long has your dad been smoking crack? He does not smoke crack, you monster. My daddy was a parent and I was helping him and you have made light of it and you're a monster. Well, I'm sorry that your dad's not that very smart. My dad is not that very smart. He's not that very smart. Am I frustrating you? Sure. True or false? Maybe. False. True or false? False. You're mean. I'm mean. True. True. You're false. Wow. You're done smart. That's not that very smart. That's not that very smart. You tell your daddy. He's not that very smart. I'm the big brain in California over here. Hey, I know how to use my tools.
This is the greatest. The devil entendre. Shit! Yes. Imagine if something happened and a little child, little Jasper, was like, Dad! And he's so worried. At three years of age. It's adorable. I'm not an idiot. I'd never impale myself. God. It is mean. It is mean. Wow, you're so cute. Chewerposs. Little fella. Chewerposs. You're mean. True. True. True statement. No chance that's false. I can't believe you said that, Jay. You're a false witness. That is a false statement. Let's see. You'll have to forgive him. He has old timers. Yeah. Old timers. Kicking in real good. If your kid was being really bad, would you ever cancel their birthday? Yes. Wow. You would, Tiana? If your kid's bad, they don't deserve to have like a party. Would you cancel? Speaking of monsters. Would you cancel a big, like, let's say they didn't know about it, but you were planning a really big birthday present for them. Would you return it because they were really bad? Yeah. No, I wouldn't. You wouldn't be able to take enjoyment out of giving it to them. Well, they don't deserve it. Right. But you're, I mean, the punishment should fit the crime.
They're still going to have a birthday. It's like still you want to celebrate their birth, but you're just going to punish them for whatever else they've done. They can get a cake. No. I mean, I would get them. A cake. Made of mud. I would get them something. Let them eat cake. Coal. Yeah. I'd get them something for sure. But if it's something huge and a big deal that you're going to give them. Like a bike. And then they really mess up. Well, they mess up before you give them the bike. What are you telling them? You're telling them you can mess up like that. I'll give you a bike. Hold the bike. Hold the bike. It depends on how old they are, too, because if they're in high school and they really mess up, oh, yeah, I'm taking that away because you know better and you're being a little punk. I got my driver's license delayed. Yeah. I did, too. It'd be a lot more fun just to get them the bike and then sit up there and go, there's your happy birthday, and then go, but you can't have it for a month. That's what happened with my license. I was able to go on the day of my birthday, get the test, but then the keys were yanked for me. Oh. That's a good move. Tony Soprano did that to his kid. He said, here's your new ride. Once your grades come up, you can have it. Meadow or Anthony Jr. Anthony Jr. But when your parents are gone, sometimes you take the car out for a spin anyway. Yeah, unless your parents find out. They did. Then maybe it ain't so funny. Things ain't so good, right? Or you crash it into the... Sometimes people fall down, you know, a couple, two, three times all over a knife. No mistake.
They get hit in the head with a baseball bat 15, 20 times. It's a mistake. They trip over it. You tripped and you fell down the stairs. You hit the baseball bat 15 times. You stepped on a rake over and over and over and over again. You fell in a hole. What's the matter with you? You kept falling in the hole. Yeah. Poor guy couldn't get up out of the hole. He kept falling. Kept falling until suddenly. There was lime in there. Yeah. Kept falling in that hole until suddenly he's like six feet under it. He's covered in the lime somehow. I kept swimming to the bottom of the ocean. I'm not coming up there. What's the matter with you? Come up. You should get some air. Take a breath. Take a breath every once in a while. I do like that bit, though. I'm going to use that bit, the hold it over your head bit. 100%. You should know when your birthday's coming up, you are on your best behavior. Congratulations. Emma Mamacita from Carlsbad. Are you there? I'm here. What are you doing right now? Right now, I'm on my way to work. But you're a kid. You've got something going on with your son? My son is absolutely terrible to me sometimes. This past, since right before Christmas, I mean, he's been okay. But right before Christmas, that week before he got out of school, he literally, I had two phone calls from his teacher. He lied. During his Christmas break, he stole his cousin's money and literally lied to me about it. Then I gave him a chance to come back and say, hey, just admit that you did it.
So then he finally admitted that he didn't. And then I said, okay, so where's the money? Then he lied about where the money was because he really spent it. So he just kept on lying on top of a lie, on top of a lie, on top of a lie. Then I get his report card, find out he's got two F's, two D's, a C, and a P. Wait, wait, wait. How old is he? He is 12 going on 13. You got it. Now, wait, wait, wait, wait. Question. Yeah. You and your husband, are you married still? Me and his dad are not married anymore. So you have him? I have him, yeah. It's tough. You know what you got to do, Mom? What? Yeah, throw the smack down on him. Heavy and hard. Oh, I do. I took everything away, including the TV. No toys, no friends, no video games. He's got absolutely no life. His life consists of working around the house, doing chores, studying. I have a legitimate question. I have a legitimate question. Okay. Have you tried the belt? I've tried the belt. Have you tried the belt? Mom, have you tried the belt, Mom? Yes. Have you really? I've really tried the belt. Trust me. Do you have a male neighbor? Yeah. Let him try the belt. Let me tell you, my mom could not use that belt. In fact, I pretended. Yeah. You laugh. It didn't really hurt. You laugh. My mom couldn't use it. My dad?
My dad knew how to handle a belt. Oh, yeah. Real good. Real good. Oh, man. Did my dad know how to handle a belt? Like he was born to handle a belt. Yeah. It was as if he was like he was born with a belt. My dad could just talk about using the belt and it made me nervous. Got to that point. Got to the point where he only had to use the belt very few times. Right. And then he would just sort of give me. My dad did this bit. It was kind of like a gangster. Pulling his shirt up. Just showing you the belt. He would pull his shirt up. And I'd see the belt. Sorry about that. You ever snap it? The belt snap. My dad would make me pick my belt. Because he had various belts. So he'd go get one. And I'd be like, well, which one won't hurt? They all hurt. But I had to get it. Didn't happen very often, though. Mom could not spank with a belt. My dad would. Well, I was a girl, but he would never spank. My mom was the one that would. Your mom would spank? Oh, my mom. Did it hurt, though? Yeah. She hit me with a hairbrush on my naked butt. Did it hurt? Yeah. I got you. Got any pictures? Oh, my gosh. Oh. Oh, my mom.
It won't be fine. Cross the line with spines. As the kids would say, I will make it right. And I sure won't stop without a fight. It won't be fine. I'll cross the line. I've got a way to make sure that I abide. Because from Mikey's eyes, I will try to hide. The nurse beaver always plays. It won't be fine. Cross the line. Oh, my gosh. My favorite part of all the drops that Jay does is that he mouths. He does. Still haven't seen it. He lip syncs. I haven't seen that. My back's to it. He has to do it. Yes! He knows it's coming, so he's like, oh, oh. He mouths it. So great. He mouths it. M1 Michelle from Spring Valley.
Hey, Mikey. Hi. Yeah, my husband canceled my daughter's 10th birthday. Oh, wow. Wow. She's still nine? She's still nine. Let her grow up. Yeah, she carried on about what she wanted. She wanted this and she wanted that. And my husband went, well, people, you know, in hell won't ice water. And she went, you know? That's true. Because, you know what, if they'd have trusted in Jesus, they wouldn't be there now, would they? Oh, wow. Great. Birthday's canceled. I'm going to try that on my... Hey, he should have given her, like, a little extra credit for being clever. You know what I mean? I did. She's still not. Hey, thanks for the call. You're welcome. Appreciate it. Man, that's funny. I'm one Vic from Miramar. How's it going, Mikey? Good. Hey, my grandpa actually betrayed us when we were kids and made my mom this really big thick oak wooden spoon. The spoon actually had like grooves in it that like fit your butt perfectly. And had little air holes so it'd swing better. Picked up a spoon. Wow. Your mom used it or your dad? Well, my mom used it on a pretty much daily basis. Did it work? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it works. It leaves little red welts all over your butt. Oh, yeah. Cricket paddle. Yeah, we called that a paddle, not a spoon. Thanks for the call. My rascally-est son is Luke. He's a year old. Yes, he is a rascal. He is. He's our disciplinary child. He will be, at least. Hello? Yeah. Luke, don't call me Mike. Hey, Mike. Hey. I'm your daddy. This is my one-year-old on the floor. Say dada. Say dada. Happy anniversary. Thank you. Thanks, Luke. That's really sweet. He has to work somewhere. Does he? Don't I? If you think of canceling my birthday, I will slit your throat in your sleep and I will play in your blood. Whoa. Listen, Luke. That's all over the top crap. Listen to me, all right? I'll play in your blood. If I have to...
Discipline you. I will discipline you. Well, if you try to take that belt off, you try to catch me. You're not going to catch me. You know that. That's a hard... He's got a point. He's got a point. I will juke and jive, and you're not going to catch me. Mom might catch me. You're not going to catch me. You know that. Well, put a net. A net. Like a Luke net. Yeah, like a Luke net. Yeah. You're going to net me. Yeah, I'm going to net you. You ever cancel my birthday? Don't talk to me. You ever cancel my birthday? Don't talk to me. I'm telling you. I'm going to key your car. Oh. Luke. What? You're never going to get a birthday again if you keep this up. Behavior problem. You ever post videos of your son just trying to eat and walk around living? Just want to live. Yeah, you walk around like you're weird, though. You're not a director. You don't need to be always shooting movies. You're not a director. Did I or did I not direct that film? It's on your iPhone, so no. I did. It's a video you shot on your iPhone. You're not Luc Besson. I'm sorry. Don't try to throw big names around it. That's all I hear around my house. You're one and a half. Stop acting so mean. Enjoy your Cheerios. All I want to do, I want to get up. I want to poop. I want to eat. I want to poop. I want to nap. I want to poop. You do. That's all you do. Luke, I like your new haircut. I get inundated on Facebook with messages, inbox all the time. People send me funny videos. They want to be in on me because I'm Mike's.
kid. I'm Luke Esparza. Wow. You sound... This is a whole other level. No offense, Mike. On phone. Luke Esparza, baby. That's right. And I'll tell you what. All I wanted to do last night, I wanted to eat in my jammies. I wanted to have some animal crackers. Yes, I dropped them on the floor. Maybe the whole world doesn't need to see me tracking myself on the floor and running around looking for my Hungarian mother. Your dad does like to take video of you, but it's because he loves you. My Hungarian other mother. The Hungarian's not your mom. It's my favorite, obviously. She's your favorite mom. She's not your mother. She's your nanny. I know, and Rebecca is my favorite. First of all, Rebecca's mom. That's mom. Rebecca's mom. I like her, too. Mama Jean, I like her, too. That's Rebecca's mom. I like Rebecca and Jean and Claudia. They're all lovely. Listen. Nita's something special. I know she is, but listen. She's not your mom. She's your nanny. She has to go at some point.
No, she's not going anywhere. She goes, I split your throat. Okay, great. Oh, wow. Well, listen, Luke, we appreciate the call in. Hey. It's always fun. Don't. No. Uh-uh. Every time. Don't. I'm telling you. Hey. What, Mike? What time, Mike, are you coming home from work today, Mike? What time do you get off? Mike. Stop calling Miguel. Try Miguel. Sorry. Miguel, when do you get off? Oh. Something happened. We got disconnected. Fiery. He asked me that every time. He was in a whole other level of mood. Like a whole other level of just mood. Full of himself. Man. That mood. Don't know what's going on with that guy. Oh, gosh. That guy. That dude is really weird, isn't he? Weird cat. Weird guy. Now that he has a shaved head. He's got a tat. It's a thug life on his belly. I wanted to ask him if the haircut was his idea or not.
Haircut was not his idea. Cried like a baby. He cried like a baby. I wonder why. We're going to play Pick It Apart when we come back. Pick It Apart is where we take a scene from a movie and we play it. And then we just pick it apart. And today's movie, E.T. Pick It Apart and Woods on Sports coming up here in just a second. Word of the day is latte. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Yesterday, the world's oldest person died. Any guesses on how old she was? Asian. 114. I said how old she was. Filipino. She was 115 years old. Eunice Sanborn. She lived in Jacksonville, Texas. She passed away in her home at the age of 115. Jay's prom date.
Great kisser. I think Jay babysat her. Jay babysat. Also, Chick-fil-A is under some fire right now. One of their stores in Pennsylvania donated some sandwiches to a meeting of the Pennsylvania Family Group, which is a group that works to outlaw gay marriage. Chick-fil-A now is under fire for anti-gay marriage donations. Oh, wow. And they have some explaining to do. The president has spoken out and said, look, we'll no longer donate to any organizations that take a political stand on marriage. On anything. They're just getting roasted. We're so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm just trying to help people out. Eat some chicken. They were hungry. All right. Well, it makes it worse because Chick-fil-A is closed on Sundays because of Christian things. So now they're like, oh, great. Oh, perfect. Now you don't believe it came out. Thanks. Yeah. Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Frank's Red Hot. Yeah. You guys remember the name Sal Alosi.
Kind of. Sound familiar? Yeah, it does. He was that big meathead dude, worked for the Jets. He was their strength and conditioning guy. He stuck his knee out, hurt a guy. Tripped a guy. Tripped a guy on the sidelines. He has resigned from the Jets. And he was fined $25,000. He was suspended. Now he was resigned. And in my mind, I picture that conversation. Oh, excuse me. I picture that conversation. I picture that conversation, them going. Hey, Sal, let me step in my office for a sec. You don't really want to work here anymore, do you? You don't really like it here, do you? As you walk in the office, somebody stuck their foot out. It was Rex Ryan. So there was a basketball game last night, a college basketball game, and the final score was 62-59. Can you tell me, based on this audio, who won? Post to Green. Green trying to drive. Goes down the lane, puts it to the floor. Gets back. Duck under by Jeff Green. Off the glass and scores. No basket. No basket. Hoyas win. Hoyas win. Hoyas win. Hoyas win. Hoyas win. Hoyas win. Hoyas win. Hoyas win. Hoyas win. Hoyas win. Hoyas win. Hoyas win. Hoyas win. Hoyas win. Hoyas win. Hoyas win. Hoyas win. Our Trevor Chase Bank post-game show is next. Did Louisville win? The Hoyas won. No.
I want to know how many times you said it. Can we count? Did you say it again? Did you count it? I want to count it. Okay, ready? Let's all try. Green trying to drive. Goes down the lane. Puts to the floor. Gets back. Duck under by Jeff Green. Off the glass and scores! No basket! No basket! Hoyers win! Hoyers win! Hoyers win! Hoyers win! Hoyers win! Hoyers win! Hoyers win! Hoyers win! Hoyers win! Hoyers win! Hoyers win! Hoyers win! Hoyers win! Hoyers win! Players win! Players win! All right, Trevor takes back! 17, dude! You called it! 17. You just guessed, didn't you? Holy cow. Holy cow. Who is that? Holy cow. Holy cow, that was awesome. That was the color man for the boys. Woods, that's a politically incorrect color man. It's called a color man. Oh. I hate you guys so much. Troy Palamalu, the Pittsburgh Steelers' amazing safety, was named the Defensive Player of the Year yesterday. He edged out Clay Matthews. Some people are up in arms because Clay Matthews played the whole season. Troy actually sat out two games. But, hey, man, you watch guys play defense in the NFL. Palamalu is a beast. He's the man. He is the man, and congratulations to him. He's a great player. All right. San Diego native. San Diego native. You must see.
Love her. He's good, though. He is good. I tip my cap to that guy. He is dynamite. All right, so I have the list for you of the top 10 most hated people in sports. Who do we got? Not just athletes. So you guys, do you have any guesses? Al Davis has got to be. Number one. Is he number one? Yeah, I knew Al Davis had to be. Do you guys have any guesses? Tiger? Tio. Tio's there. Ocho Singo. Tiger Woods is there. Ocho. Phil Jackson. Ocho, not on the list. Shockingly. Kobe. Not on the list. Shaq. Not on the list. No Phil Jackson. Oh, what about now? Maybe LeBron. No. Rex Ryan. Nope. You guys are missing some big ones. I know. Michael Vick. Number two. That's right. Number two. Jerry Jones, the Dallas Cowboys owner, at number three. Manny Ramirez, the new Tampa Bay Ray, at five. We said T.O. at six. Albert Hainsworth at seven. That makes sense. Mark McGuire at eight. Wow. Bob Knight at nine. I mean, he's not doing anything. He's kind of a non-issue. I was surprised by that one. Do you still hate him? And then number ten. He can't lie down. Number ten, Randy Moss.
Yeah. Yeah. They left a few off there in my book, but I guess we couldn't do 10 Red Sox in a row. Oh, wow. That would have been bad. That's what it's on sports. Let's see. All right, so let's do a little Pick It Apart. Pick It Apart. Pick It Apart. Pick a part bit of that scene for me. Take a scene from a movie, and we listen to it, and we get what we get. We've done Cast Away. Last week we did, what did we do? Taylor Swift. Karate Kid. Don't Karate Kid. E.T. Elliot. What? Are you really with a voice? You can't just burn. He's an alien. What do you expect? Is that Sienna? No. Elliot. Elliot. Maybe. Elliot. I taught him how to talk now. He can talk now. Elliot. Look what he brought up here all by himself.
An eight ball of cocaine for me, Drew Barrymore. Eventually I'll marry Tom Green and freak the world out. E.T., can you say that? Can you say E.T.? E.T. E.T. That sounds like the woman that just died as the oldest woman. 115. Oh, turn it down, kid. E.T., be good. Be good. You should give him his dignity. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. You ever overact? Yeah. You ever use big words when you're a kid? Dignity. And yeah, it was the most ridiculous thing you ever seen. It looked like a freaking Muppet. By the way, phones are still rotary at this time. Who are you calling, dude? You're not calling anywhere. You're not calling home. His big fat finger wouldn't even fit in those little balls. I guarantee you. They're like little sausages. They're disgusting. They're a long sausage. They're just a long hot dog. Chiamasa hand. Balls on the end of us. You said bone? Can't you understand? What a nice stutter. You said text message? I said bone home.
What if you could just talk like that for a day? I haven't seen that movie since I was five. I know. Honestly. I was on this last weekend. I haven't seen it since I was five. I guess I was like 12. I remember going to see it and being worried that I was going to cry. Oh, scared is that? That was the big thing, that people cried, so I didn't want to. You were going to be a tough guy. Yeah, I was like... It always really bothered me that they dissected the frogs. Really? I don't remember that. Oh, my gosh. It's the best part of the movie. I was fine. He saves all the frogs. He saves all the frogs. I would have saved all the frogs. Oh, I do remember that. Easy. Easy. What's he doing there? Sounds like me walking up. With slippers on. What's he doing? He's getting a massage. E.T., home phone. I mean, come on, really? Not a cell phone. Not a cell phone. Not a pay phone. E.T., cell phone. Mobile. Boost phone. Pay for minutes. Aren't you from the future? Can you tell us what's coming? E.T., pay as you go. I get phone at 7-Eleven. Go phone. E.T., phone home.
E.T. phone home. E.T. phone home. I don't know the number. I forgot the fitting number. It's unlisted. What's the area code? What's the galaxy code? Information, may I help you, please? Yes, this is E.T. City and stay? Nebula. Number, please? I don't know while I'm calling you. What are we trying to reach? Nebula. Can you connect me for $1.50 extra? It's a dollar. It's just a dollar. You just press one. You sound like an Hispanic ET. It's Hispanic ET. Did you connect me? She's like, hello? I'm on the phone. Hang up.
Can you get off the phone? I'm on the phone, Mom! E.T., hang the phone up. I'm trying to use the phone. Mom! I'm trying to make a phone call. Hang up! I told you five minutes. Five minutes. That was ten minutes ago. Hang up. E.T. E.T. has a hot dog in his throat. God, he's talking. E.T. Phone. Say it a few more times. E.T. Phone. How many times? He could be the next announcer of the basketball game. Phone on, phone on, phone on, phone on, phone on, phone on, phone on. I'm going to watch it. I want to watch it. I kind of do, too. I watched it last weekend. I own it. Of course you do. You watched it last weekend, Sienna? Yeah, it was on. I was over at my parents' house with a baby. It was on TV? Uh-huh. I love it. Still good? It was an iconic movie. It's great. That's how I remember the frog scene, because I was like, ah.
You want to know the most disappointed I've probably ever been in my life? What? When I was 10, we went to Universal Studios. Oh, don't you dare. What? Oh, it's fantastic. Well, not the ride. They had a thing where they would pick a kid out of the audience to do certain stuff, and they picked me to get on the ET bike, and they were going to carry me over in front of the moon, you know, like the famous shot. Yeah. They picked me. Out of all the kids, they go, you, backstage. My dad was all happy. I was all proud. They're like, oh, it's broken. It's broken. I wanted to die. I stink about it to this day. 25 years later, I could have been on that bike with my picture on the bike. They picked me. Oh, the wires are all jammed. You should write them a letter. I was so upset. We can get you on there. I'm going to get this 35-year-old man in here. I was so upset. I'll make you one in this room. I know. You could. I was so upset. If you go on the ride, they ask you what your name is when you first go on there, and you're like, you don't know why. And then when you go through the...
Actual, like, once you're in it, E.T. will say your name. That's awesome. He'll go, thanks for coming, Lorraine. He could never say my name. Your dad probably grabbed the guy and was like, let me see you. You fix that thing right now. I was so upset. I bet. When they picked me, I was like, yeah, I got you. I was 10. Karma coming full circle immediately. Did you guys hear about the kid that asked Taylor Swift? to the prom through writing her a song. Oh, my gosh. Hi. Taylor Swift. He's 47. Yeah. He's a senior in high school in Alabama. Hi, Taylor. How are you? He's trying to be cool. My name is James Powers. I'm from Hazel Green High School right around Huntsville, Alabama. And I have a question. A little bit of a crack there. A little nervous. He's nervous. Well. And the only way I knew how to ask you this was to put it in song. So, if you'll please listen. This is her song that he parodied. I was taking a jog, listening to my iPod, all those songs that I love to hear. I heard our song and it didn't take long for me to remember that prom was near. Said, great, I don't have a date. But then my mind started to shift.
I said, wouldn't it be neat if I could somehow meet and go to prom with Taylor Swift? So I think our prom will be so much more than any other prom you've ever been to before. We'll dance real fast and we'll dance real slow. We'll take pictures on my mama's cell phone. We'll be really tight. Only problem is that it ends at midnight. But when you head home, you'll stop and say, hey, man. Think that next year you could bring me to your prom again. She's not in high school anymore, buddy. Also world famous. Yeah. Imagine if she did go, though. He would have no problem getting dates from there on after. Oh, yeah. Do you think? Yeah, they'd be like, oh, my gosh. He'd be all picky. He'd be like, eh, sorry. In the meantime, I think his boys are giving him any grief. Oh, man. All over the news. I think his boys are like. Really? With a Taylor thing? It says on the comments that a ton of radio stations are trying to help him get the date. Country stations are trying to get it done. Good luck. And if you're Taylor Swift, you're like, now I'm a D. If I don't! If I don't, I don't want to go to the prom. She could always cite security reasons. Yeah, I could get shot. I could get assassinated. You know what she should do? I could be assassinated if I go. She should not go with him because that would be weird, but she should sing a song at their prom or something like that. She goes, and at the end of the night, he's like,
You have to have sex, right? They should video conference her in. She'll be like, hi, John. Hi, Cali. Oh, that's a good idea. I wish I could be there, don't I? I can't. I can't, though. Hi to everyone over here. What is it called? Cougar Mountain High. Cougar Mountain. I'm telling you, if she goes with him, she's going to have to go with everybody. Exactly. No. She can't do it for everybody. Hey, Taylor, come with me to my middle school dance. Yeah. She can't. Be my date to my bat mitzvah. Marry me. Taylor Swift, I want you to be my first experience. Come to my quinceanera, Taylor. Can't have a Micah show backstage. All right. That was. His creepy line. I'll write her a song. Yeah. Wink, wink, wink. What do you mean? I'll write her a song. I mean, I'm sexual. I'll show her my bees. That was scary. Oh. No, you don't. Oh, my God. I'll show her my silk. The silk boxers. The silk boxers. I'll call them my silkies. Shimmies. I'll call them my silks.
They're all shimmy. Sometimes killed. We'll see. They'll get your silks out. Put on your shimmers. We got new releases next. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. That's Woods. Sitting right across from me. He's 35 years old. I'm 40. The LLB is 30. She's our assistant producer. Sienna is our news girl. She is 25. Jay's our producer. He's 47. Screening phones for us today is Will. It's Will. It's Will. Will is in charge of screening phone calls and occasionally getting a latte, too. That is true. Do you want to do some new releases? Sure. Let's do some new releases. Let's do it. What do you got, Woodsy? Well, it wasn't a very busy day. Next week and the week after, a bunch of big stuff coming out. But today, I know everybody in our listening audience is stoked. Ricky Martin has a new record. It's called Musica Plus Alma Plus Sexo.
What's that do for you? What's he saying? He's looking really good these days. Yeah. Sharp dude. He's going all Spanish. He is? He doesn't sing... I don't know. That's what the song is. It sounds like it. You don't sing American? English foil. He sings in Spanish. He's singing Mexican right now, right? He's singing in Spanish foil. That sounds Mexican. He's not even Mexican. He's not Mexican. What is he? Puerto Rican. So is he singing Puerto Rican? Puerto Rican. That means rich port, by the way, Mikey. How about you? This was very exciting. George Michael has remastered Faith for all you George Michael lovers out there, and there are many. Oh, that sounds good. That is nice. Can you hear the remastering? Yeah. Really sounds like they turned the trouble up. I thought a little bass, actually. Yeah, maybe some bass.
Bless you. Right there. Got you. Very nice. Dude, I'm sorry. Love this song. So do I. Love it. So do I. He's a good singer. Yeah. Yes. He's a good singer. Can't take that away from him. Now I'm old. I'm like, I'll throw that on my car and I don't give an S. I'll drive around listening to it. Yeah. It's good. Yeah. And then Big Day for Mike. He was very excited. One of his favorite bands has a new album out. I've heard a little bit of it. It sounds phenomenal. Red, Until We Have Faces. Oh, the one I was doing. Yeah. This is on their new album. They do this real trippy stuff on this one. They started using, they were doing like choir stuff. Listen to this. Oops. A little sampler. Just keep going through the album. Sampler. In my car it was the last one. Maybe you had it on shuffle. This sounds like a struggle to get across the border.
Like binoculars, night vision. I'm about to jump some barbed wire real good. Some barbed wire. I'm going to make it. You can do it. Take my hand. Take my hand. I got it. Run. Run. That sounds good. Sounds really good. You guys want some DVD new releases? What do you got? Another slow week for DVD. This is what I don't understand. All the time I see previews for movies and I'm like, oh yeah, I'm going to wait until it comes on a DVD. Every week I'm like, nothing. There's nothing I want to see. This is called Let Me In. Never even heard of it. It looks really scary though. Don't know who's in it. Doesn't say. I guess it's...
kind of a smaller movie. It's called Let Me In. It looks very scary. It's the 60th anniversary of one of the creepiest movies ever. They've re-released it on Blu-ray. Alice in Wonderland. Wow. Very creepy. Disney original. Yeah. Never Let Me Go, of course, based on the celebrated novel by Kazuo Ishiguro. Kira Knightley's in this one. Carrie Mulligan, Andrew Garfield, their best friends. Good choice for all those characters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're at a boarding school and something about organ donors. I don't know. Never Let Me Go. And then this one I actually do want to see. It's a documentary about Pat Tillman. It's called The Tillman Story and looks really, really good. I heard a lot about that. That sounds good. M1 Victor from San Ysidro. What was the word of the day? You drink it. There you go. There was latte. Just guessing stuff. Hang on a line, please. Here's the winner. One SeaWorld fun card's worth $2.79 and a UFC pay-per-view for UFC 112 this weekend. Let's see. Anything new on the Obama birth certificate deal?
Oh, no. Pretty much just the same old thing. They're still looking for it. The new governor who said while he was campaigning that if I'm elected, I will find Obama's birth certificate. We're going to put an end to this. And, yeah, he hasn't found it, nor has he said anything about it. I don't have anything to hide and would be willing to answer any questions. Don't say any questions. Some questions. In regard to this, I have to correct that. I would be willing to answer some questions. You're welcome. And would welcome questions. You're not going to spend all day on it, though. People on it. I will not spend all day on this, but it is something that I know is important to the American people. Are you kidding me right now? We're working. What I want to say. The president will be taking a break right now. He has a family phone call. Excuse me. He will resume in just one moment. Hi, Mr. President. We're sorry. Sorry. You guys can't have your personal fights while I'm giving a speech. You're my speech. Blame her. Just remember that. All apologies. That would be the usual. All apologies, Mr. President. You realize I have something in my ear to be able to hear you? Barack, hang on. Are you kidding me right now? You can't call him Barack. Are you kidding me right now? Are you guys boys now? Are you kidding me right now? You guys, I have to go back out. You ever just run mouth? I have to go back. The president will be returning now. Again, as I was saying, I am more than willing to not embarrass you.
I mean, excuse me, too. Maybe you take some cooking lessons. I would have no problem. You're probably better off in the kitchen. You're probably better off in the kitchen. I was born in the United States. I wonder how many times somebody can make pot pie for dinner. Making pot pie for dinner and I would live here as a fatso as long as anybody was asking questions and wanted to know. Take that back. I have some papers for you. I need you to sign right now. Now, if you've got some papers that you need me to sign to prove mine. Citizenship, I would have... Not you, her. No problem. They're divorce papers. I want you to sign these. Stop talking to your boy, Barack. They are divorce papers. What did you say? All right. Back on track. Thank you for... Get back on a treadmill. Get back on the treadmill. Maybe keep texting your ex-boyfriend. All right. Well, I will find the birth certificate and text your ex-boyfriend. Wrap this up, Chief. And wrap this up, Chief. That's what your ex should have said to you. Bye-bye. I'm glad it doesn't go like that for the guy. Oh, my gosh. Can you imagine? It's overwhelming. The governor of Illinois signed a civil union law, which means that I guess in Illinois you can get married if you're gay. Yes. Yeah. Legalizing civil unions for same-sex couples, which gives them a lot of the rights to accompany traditional marriage. It goes into effect on June 1st in Illinois.
All right. Have a ball. Yeah, have two. Illinois is now the sixth state to allow civil unions. Yeah. Apparently, there's a kid that got help for his school project from NASA. Imagine this. This 10-year-old boy, and he decided that he wanted to do a project on rockets. And he looked in the encyclopedia. He looked in all the space books. He asked his parents for help, but no one could give him the information that he really wanted because he wanted all of it. So he wrote to NASA's headquarters, and he got a detailed letter back answering all of his questions individually. Really? Yeah. Isn't that amazing? Yeah, but I bet it was all technical. I bet if you're a kid, you're like, what does that mean?
Maybe they knew it was a kid. Yeah, I'm sure he's, you know. They probably broke it down. Yeah, they broke it down for him. Layman's term. I used to write to a lot of sports guys and ask for their autograph. They'd send it back. It was pretty cool. I did it once, never got a reply. Really? I just did a bunch. I'm not surprised by that. Never wrote me back. What I used to do, I was smart. I went after the Notre Dame players that just got drafted. So they weren't big time yet. But I loved them in college. They all used to send me autographed pictures. That's cool. It's pretty cool. That is cool. You were in college or they were in college? They were in college. This is last week. Listen to this reaction from this chick not getting a rose from The Bachelor, which means she's going home. I wanted a rose. I wanted to find love and fall in love with Brad. It's hard to start liking a guy. And not having enough time to express yourself. And then you go home and you're kind of like, oh my gosh, all these things. I know. Yeah. And it just sucks. Just makes you question everything. You know what she said that I thought was interesting right there at the end? Listen to this. Oh, and you're kind of like, oh my gosh, all these things I could have done differently. Okay, well listen. There's so much to break down on what she just said. It makes you think of what you could have done differently.
Well, if you had to do it differently, that means that you are like strategizing. No wonder there's so much divorce. Because in order to get the dude, sometimes women and men do it too, will be something different than what they really are. And then you get married and you're like, oh, I don't like you. Well, of course you don't. You didn't know where to begin with. Well, that show is about winning more than it's about true love. That happens in real life, too, though, where people will say, they'll be like, what could I have done differently? And they do do things differently. But women will do that in real life, too. They'll win over guys. Yeah, guys, too. Guys, too. Guys, too. We'll do something. You know, we think we know what you want to hear. But it isn't really us, you know, and that goes for men and women. I've seen that happen. And then the veil gets lifted after about six months. Yeah, that's where the old saying, the honeymoon's over, comes from. You know what I mean? You move in with somebody, you start living with them, you're like, wow, you fart and you burp and you snore. And, you know, it's like you've got to really love that person. People think that they did something wrong because they acted how they were when really that's just how you are. So embrace it.
Yeah. You know, and don't put on a flag for a year of dating. That show bothers me. That show bothers me to no end. And I think it's because of those women. Like, I think it's funny when they're like, oh, I was just coming on, you know, to like meet some people, have a good time. When they're like so upset that they're crying. I'm like, meet some people, have a good time. Because I've seen people that aren't. Well, OK, I don't know if I've ever seen anybody say that. Why would a woman go on The Bachelor? To be on TV. To meet some people and have a good time. To be on TV. To find true love. They usually find a really good candidate for the guy. So it could be possible that like, yeah, we could really hit it off. They could. She might not be like, I'm going to go on there and I'm going to marry this guy. Or she's not the girl that goes, you love me. Like that girl drives me nuts. He was making out with Veronica in the hot tub last night. He took you parasailing today and he didn't pick you. And now you think he's in love with you. He went on an overnight date. You think they were up playing chess all night? Yeah. I mean, come on. They were playing chess all night. What's the matter with you? Don't you know a joke? Usually. It just bothers me so much. This is from earlier, but I want to replay it for you because I think it's worth it. Cab driver in Brazil singing like Michael Jackson.
I am a wand. She's more like a brilliant cream. Careful who you lud. Yes. He's better. Can't wait to do. Can't wait to do. Can't wait to do. Can't wait to do. It's from Brazil. And I can't wait to do. And I can't wait to do. Brilliant cream. Brilliant cream. Not my brother. Not my lord. Not my lord. She's grown. Reagan. Reagan. Reagan. I am the one. Reagan. Reagan. Reagan. Reagan.
It makes you really uncomfortable when you hear the guy videotaping commenting. He's like, yeah. He's wasted at carnival. I thought I could hear him hit the windshield wiper or the blinker at one point. You ever see him do the 25th anniversary Motown thing? No. The first time he moonwalked on television? The first time he moonwalked, I saw that. I thought it was at the Oscars and the Grammys or something. It was the Motown 25th anniversary awards. I remember I wore this record out when I was a kid. What's this doing? Oh, I think you actually did a moonwalk. You couldn't see his feet. It looks like he's doing it. I got tennis shoes on. On carpet.
Hey, Michael Jackson, he could have been, right? Tell me if I'm wrong. But couldn't he have been, like, a legitimate dancer? Yes! He's amazing. Yes! Like, as in, like, professional. Yes. Professional. No one can move like Michael Jackson. You watch choreography today, so much of it is from him. Yeah. From his original moves. That's so weird that the guy was able to sing and dance. Yeah, I can't do either. Wow. I did both of them. Write that down. Cornell's a unicorn. 100%. She said her name was Billie Jean. And she caused a scene. And every hair turned with eyes to dream. I just have a really bad hangover listening to it. Like, oh, last night was rough. Yeah. We need some hair of the dog. Let's go to brunch. Let's go to brunch. It's a blaze.
Get up. Let's go to Brooklyn. You're driving, dude. Don't yell. I can't drive. I'm going to try to slam this one beer. I'm going to get half of it down. I'm going to have to. I think I left my car last night. You put that cigarette out of my vomit. I swear I got in my vomit if you don't put that cigarette out. How many cigarettes you smoked last night? A hundred? Who wrote in Sharpie on me? You're missing one eyebrow. Why does this Michael Jackson album sound so weird? Are we still on Mushrooms? Remember those days? Not really. Long time ago for me. Yes, sir. You're not going to believe where Charlie Sheen is at rehab. You will not believe it. I'll tell you next. So guess where Charlie Sheen is doing his rehab? Promises in Malibu.
That's a great guess, dude. Hazelden. Betty Ford. Oh, that's another great guess. Betty Ford is a great guess. All three of those that you just named are the best guesses. Cedars-Sinai. That's another good guess. That is incorrect. Hmm. Charlie Sheen is going to rehab at his home. Oh. Yeah. Home rehab. Because professionals are going to be coming to his gated community in L.A. to try and cure him of his demons. And mainly because, you know, he wants privacy. And a lot of time when they go to rehab, stories come out. Look at Lindsay Lohan. Got in a fight with this other woman that worked there. And, you know, he wants to do it right at his house. Rehab is not supposed to be cushy. Well, it's not supposed to be cushy. And part of rehab is hearing the stories of others. Yeah. You know, really, I'll tell you. I think you can save yourself. I can't say that on the radio. I can't say that on the radio. I'm not allowed. But there are things that happen in rehab that can happen on the outside, and it's free. It's just that when you're in rehab, they force you to do it. You don't have a choice. You've got to do it. You've got to go. You're there. You can leave, but what's the point? You know what I mean? He doesn't have any interaction with people while he's at home. It's weird. It is weird. You need it. You need it. It's part of it.
Hey, guess who's on the line? M1 Mean Gene from Georgia. Hi. What's up, Mean Gene? What's up, guys? How y'all doing? We're doing good. What better way to say, first off, congratulations on the one-year anniversary. Thank you. Thank you. And to give a big shout-out to my girl, Pepper O'Brien. How you doing? Hey, how's it going? And, yeah, just wanted to say congratulations, guys. I've thoroughly enjoyed this one year. And I hope everyone has, too. I know people back here that are friends of mine. I've turned them on to the Mikey Show, and they've really enjoyed it. We appreciate it. In case anybody didn't hear it earlier, today's our one-year anniversary on FM 94.9. So excited. Yeah, man. I have a question for you, Mikey. Go ahead. A couple of friends of mine, they're seeing the stuff that you have on the Internet. They've even gone to a couple to the website. I've gone to it. I don't really know how to explain it, so I figured I'd let you explain it. What's this be different pack that you have? What's it all about, brother? BeDifferentPact.org is a pact that we make as a culture, as a community, as a group of people that says we acknowledge that we live in a culture that's pretty mean. We live in a culture that can treat people poorly.
And so by wearing a black wristband that says be different on it, it's a reminder to us at all times that we can be different and make a difference in the way that we treat people, the way that we talk to our spouse, the way that we talk to our kid, the way that we interact with others. It's a pact of putting others before ourselves. It's a pact of kindness. And flat out, it's a pact of love. And so that's what it's about. And you can see it at... www.bedifferentpack.org. As soon as you sign on the page, you'll see pictures of Heath Bell from the Padres. And you'll see... Brian Matthews. Brian Matthews from the Chargers. Sonny from POD. You'll see Brian Head Welch from formerly the band Korn. All guys that support the Be Different movement. And we're looking for celebrities all the time that want to be a part of this movement. And we're looking for people that want to be a part of this movement. It's very cool. I want it to be a nonprofit because right now the station is paid for the wristbands. And right now my wife and I are paying for postage. And it would be great if I could take it. A lot of people go, can I donate? Well, I can't take the donations. It's not legal for me to take donations. And so I can't really do that. What I wanted was for there to be a really great nonprofit organization.
that be different can operate as an umbrella underneath, man, that'd be awesome. And the reason I say it is because I don't want to fill out the 455 pages to the Department of Treasury, to the Secretary of State, to the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, to get it all done, you know, to get it to be a nonprofit. But I don't know, man, maybe that's what God's calling me to do. And he's like, do it, do the work. And I'm like, I don't really want to. Well, man, brother, I tell you what. I am actually – I work at a church called Grace Point Church in Georgia. And I tell you right now, man, this is – I specialize. I go to college for working in programming, leadership, and community service, basically fundamentally helping small nonprofits and small organizations. And if you need any help, brother, I tell you what. You've got a friend over here in Georgia that would love to help you. Dude, I would love it. That's awesome. I would love it. You know, I just – Listen, my brain operates differently. I have a lot of vision to do things like this, and I have a vision for branding, and I have a vision for making things look cool, and I have a vision for ideas. What I'm not so good at is taking a pamphlet that's 450 pages in legal talk and filling that out. I'm terrible with that, and I don't have time.
I just I simply don't have time. And there is more demand for these wristbands than I can handle. Thankfully, we have some incredibly awesome volunteers that are filling out the addresses and sending them out to people. But it's just, you know, getting this thing as a nonprofit, as soon as we can get it, be a nonprofit. holy cow, man, we can hire a distribution company and we can hire, you know, it'll pay for the wristbands, it'll pay for t-shirts, it'll pay for that. And my vision for it is it becomes global that we have billboards that, you know, that's my vision for it. But I just don't have the time. But I'm trying, you know, we're trying to stay on top of it. I don't know how you can help me, Mean Gene. I love that you're offering. I just don't know what to do. Well, they have a radio show to run. Hit me up on the face space, all right? I'll hit you up on the face space, brother. We'll talk more about it. All right, brother? All right, dude. I love you guys. Thank you, pal. Love you. Thank you. The man. We'll see you. Let's see. What else is happening in the world? A guy is going to be tried because he was looking at his wife's email.
Oh my gosh. How does that work? Now this is quite a little bit of a situation here. So this guy, he was suspicious that his wife was having an affair with her second husband. I take it this guy was her third. So he's looking on her email and he sees that she, okay. The second husband had a history of beating her up. They got divorced. She remarried this guy. He was suspicious that she was cheating back with the second husband. So when he went through her emails, he saw some emails and forwarded them to the child's father, who was the first husband. Are you following? Yeah, I got it. The child's father then filed a motion asking for custody of the child because he doesn't want an abusive man anywhere near his child. Makes sense. The second husband is abusive. Yeah. But she's not with him anymore. Right. But the emails show that she's still talking to him and messing around with him. Got it. So the wife takes the third husband to jail because he went through her emails and now her child is being taken away from her. That's illegal to go through your wife's email? Apparently so.
Yeah. If I look at my wife's email, I'm like breaking along. Maybe without her permission. He's on trial for a felony count of hacking and could get a five year sentence if he's convicted. Wow. By going through his wife's email. Yeah. And his wife was so mad that she took him to court. I don't think most people would go to those extremes, but because she's losing her child over it. She is. So number three. That was a confusing one. Number three sent the emails from number two to number one. Number one wants the kid back. So number three is now in trouble for sending those emails to number one. Right. You got it. And she's sleeping with number two. Right. She's sleeping with number two. Easy as that. It's easy as pie. I know. Let's see. How come taking a lunch break makes you a better employee? Because you're not hungry. No, not about hunger. It's just about like, you know, yeah, exactly. And if you, if you sit in the office for too long and there's some companies that say, you know, you can skip your lunch break and leave an hour earlier. That's really bad. Really? Yeah. You need your rejuvenation. Exactly. Like Lauren said, they say you should be taking a walk. You should, you know, talk to a friend. You should be doing something completely opposite than work because you need it. Well, right.
But you need to get outside. You need to get outside. You need to get outside. Get away. You got an office job, you relish lunches. I don't need to get outside. We'll do something. Go run an errand. Call somebody. Sit in your car. Play with your laptop. Yeah. Fine. I can do that inside. Yeah. That's true. No, I don't need to. You never had an office job. No. No. You trust me. You need that hour. I used to eat through most of my lunches. Yeah. Like answering phones, eating. Yeah. I get it. You need it. I like it here. But this isn't an office. It's not an office. Some of the things they say to do if you do get like an hour-long lunch break is take a walk, go outside, talk to your friends, take a quick nap. You must be a professional napper. I used to nap in my car. Do some stretches, Mikey. And maybe play a quick mentally challenging game. Oh, of course. A Sudoku or something. But something, you know, keep your mind off work. Eva Longoria and Tony Parker finalized their divorce, so they're officially split. I'm sad for them. It is sad. You know, it's just sad to hear that a marriage is over. I'm sad for them, but I'm also kind of glad that she stuck up for herself and is like, no funny business. Me too, and he was up to some funny business with a mutual friend. They didn't have any kids, which is good, right? Yeah. So, yeah, the divorce was finalized in Texas over the weekend. I bet she's a ballbreaker. Eva Longoria? Yeah. No. I bet she's a ballbreaker. Apparently, I read.
Apparently. She's very, very sweet and loving towards him. This is why she was devastated. She's a diva. No. A little bit. Not my style. Not my style either. She's very nice. Diva. Not mine. She... Oh, please. Farty. Oh, no. Farty. Stinky. Don't follow her in the back. I can't see her cooking you dinner. No. Feed yourself. Make yourself a pot pot. You were defending her a second ago. Can you picture her cooking you dinner? Yes. Oh, please. You guys are thinking about her character on the show. It's not her. I've never seen the show. I don't know what show she's on. Is she on Devastating Housewives? Yes. Of Beverly Hills. Of Beverly Hills. The Devastating Housewives of New Jersey. Give her a break. She just got her heart broken. Yeah, that's right. I just feel bad for her. Me too. I just say, you know, she's not my flavor. Not mine either. I don't need to say it, I guess.
You can. If she, the old sales girl test, if she walks in. I hate that freaking bit. Google an image for me. Let's do the salesperson test. She's very cute. She is very pretty. Let me describe the salesperson test, okay? You got friends that say, and I'm talking to anybody listening right now, and it doesn't matter if it's man or woman. When you bring up some famous person, they go, she's ugly. All you got to do is roll your eyes at them and go, really? Salesperson test. What that means is, If the sales boss, wherever you worked, walked in and said, here's the new salesman or salesgirl, and then walks out of the room, would you go, mamacita? Mamacita. Or would you be like, oh, she's ugly? No one's going to say, oh, she's ugly in the first place. Diva. I'm being completely honest with you. He's looking at a picture that Lauren found online. Can I be completely honest? If our sales manager, Steve Sklenar, walked in.
And she was dressed, you know, in a normal business suit, whatever. Introduced her as, you know, Juanita and walked out. I would not have I would not have any, you know, like I wouldn't be like, wow, you guys. She's cute. She's very cute. I wouldn't be blown away, but I'd be like, yeah, she's pretty. Yeah. Party. She's cute. I think that there are I think that there are pretty sales women in, you know. your average building now. Yeah. Eva Longoria is one of the... What's the show? The Despicable Housewives? Yes. Of Atlanta. The Despicable Housewives of Atlanta. Desperate. What are they so desperate about? What does that mean? The Desperate Housewives. Finding dudes. Is that their deal? They're all single? Intercourse. No, they're not. They're housewives. So why do they call it Desperate Housewives? They're not all single. I think... Yeah, not all of them are single. Not all of them. I think because they have like...
It's implying that they have no lives outside of the neighborhood drama. Is that true on the show? Wisteria Lane. Is that the deal? I haven't watched it in a couple years, but that was kind of the deal. That was their bit? Jay, are you going to tell me to break? Yeah, you should break. He was just playing Sudoku. Yeah, I'm winning too. I didn't know where we were. We have a weird story, though. Oh, that thing in Claremont's really weird. Yeah. Did I tell you about that? Thing with Nicole Kidman, too. Don't go away. Sienna, why did Nicole Kidman keep her baby a secret? What does that even mean? She had a surrogate mother. She did? She has a new daughter now. She and Keith Urban have Sunday Rose. I was going to say, did her and Toby Keith, what's the deal? Keith Urban. The Australian cowboy. Yes, they had a child together. They were able to conceive a child. Good day, mate. He's a very good looking man. And a very popular singer. He is such a dork. I think he is. I like his frosted hair. I don't like the highlight. I love his frosted tips. Good day, mate. I love his Australian country. You're very jealous. They're both from Australia, dude. You're jealous. Oh, they are? You're jealous. Yes. Thought she was English. Anyway, they had a daughter together, Sunday Rose, who's almost three, I believe. With weird names.
Sunday. Sunday middle name Rose, but they call her Sunday Rose. Why Sunday Rose? I don't know. How about Ann? How about Ann? Yeah. Katie? Anything wrong with Susie? I like unique names. Sunday is not very unique. Yeah, when she gets older. Exactly. Would you taste good on Sunday? Well, they had a surrogate mother and they now have another daughter, their second child, and her name is Faith Margaret. Now, does that mean they take her egg and his sperm and they put it into another woman? Yes. That's cool. Yes. Hey, Mikey, you know what tastes good on a Sunday? What, Jay? Whipped cream. I like to eat Sunday. Vanilla. Chocolate sauce. Two scoops are better than one. Delicious. Poor guy. Who? Jay. He said it. He goes, you know what tastes good on a Sunday? I'm starting to feel bad. He says the creepy. Don't feel bad. He likes it. He loves it. He's brilliant. I think he likes it. It's all in jest. He's brilliant. Okay. Here's a Valentine's message for you.
Yeah, how you doing? This is Uncle Victor for making me a drink. I don't care what you make me. Mix it in one of those mixes or pour me something right out of the bottle. Pour it. Why don't you put it in a glass with ice? Mix it. Give me a Corona or Dos Equis. Mexican. Give me something good. It's Valentine's Day. Fruitcake. When I come home, how come if you don't fix me something? Do it. Fix it. How come if you don't fix the zone? How long till Victor, huh? Yep. He's crazy. Are you guys planning what you're going to do for Valentine's Day? Already planned. Really? Staycation. Where are you going to go? Can't tell you. She knows? Secret. She knows, yeah. We made the reservation next to each other in bed. And then I handed her the phone to make the spa reservations because I was too embarrassed. I said, I go. And she goes.
My husband wants a hand. I go, really with that? And I yelled it out. I go, I don't want one. I don't want it. It was for you. Don't cancel it. Don't cancel it. Tell him to go easy on the buffing of your shiny nails. I'm going to tell him not to buff. They're still shiny. They're still shiny. He got nails done two weeks ago. No, that's natural beauty at this point. Oh, okay. That's just beauty. Make your nails look like mirrors. That's Spinshine Kim. Spinshine Kim should make your fingers look like Mary's. Is it okay for girls to play on Valentine's Day? Yeah. Have at it. I don't think it is. Have you? Todd, come on, dude. No, I'm not mad at him. I don't care. Thank you. I like, I mean, sometimes I just want to take the bull by my horns myself. Yeah, you want to do your own thing. Let me tell you, if Rebecca said... Babe, can I just take care of everything? I think we're both tired. We're both, you know, and I feel pressure to be really sweet. And I think she feels pressure. And I just want to go, listen, don't worry.
Let's just do something. That's what we're doing. Yeah. And you guys, your anniversary is the same month and so is ours. So it's kind of like, you know, he can do the anniversary. I'll do that. It's a fake holiday anyway. Yeah. It costs money. I don't care about the money. You know, it's like just because they say it's, you know, here's an opportunity to give a card. She knows I love her. It's all your heart in the sand. Yeah. We won't go out at all that night. I made her a macaroni card. She made a macaroni card. Colored macaroni. Colored it yellow and pink and red. Pasting it on a piece of cardboard. That'd be pretty sweet if I did. Hey, listen. Jay's wife looks like a model. I know she does. She is a model. She walked into your shower and I was like, Mama Sita. Yo, easy. The microphone's on. Oh, she's pretty. Mama Sita! She's a pretty gal. Jay just jumped on the diamond board. See him later. 10.5. That was robbed. That was an 11. Let's see. Oh, and when Nubian Prince is on board. I don't know what happened. We all have attractive mates. Every one of us in this room. It's pretty solid. It's true. Where's Hillary?
She'll be here in a minute. Speaking of attractive mates. She'll be here in a minute. Yeah, for a minute. She's one of our mates. Yeah, she's one of our mates. There she is. She's my mate. There's an attractive mate coming in right now. Hey, Laurie. She's a Sheila. She's a Sheila. A Sheila. A Sheila. Sheila. We're doing our best in Australia. Good looking girl in Australia. It's just a woman, I think. They're called just Sheilas? Sheilas. Yes. Can I pull the curtain back? Sure. Know what Woodsy said yesterday? Damn it, dude. What? He goes, Hillary looked good at your party. Damn you. I guess she did. She looked pretty. She did. She looked beautiful. And her husband, Jeremy, looked beautiful as well. He's very sweet. He's the greatest. He is a sweetheart. But you did. You looked beautiful. Do you feel like you have to throw that in there in case Jeremy's listening? Jeremy looked great. He did. He's a great dude. How was your baby's birthday? It was awesome. Not a baby anymore. No, our little girl turned four on Sunday. Wow. What did you guys do? It was a great day. Well, we just celebrated, kept it really, really small, actually, because we went big last year. That's what he said. We were exhausted afterwards, like, dude. No, he did. We were talking about it. He literally said, he goes, Woodsy, learn something from me. We did this crazy party, and two people brought two more people. He goes, there was 80 people at a three-year-old's party.
That happened. Yeah, it was huge. So really, really mellow. But we did take her to IHOP and she ordered one of those chocolate pancakes like for kids. And we were like, it's her birthday. She was like, check me out. It's my birthday. And they, I think like the woman thinking it was a treat for her was like, oh, I will do it right for her. The thing had like five inches of whipped cream. So gnarly. But it was a good day. Good day. Jay, did you guys notice at the baby shower, Jay brought Jasper and Jay is so strict when it comes to the sugar. Jasper comes over and goes, comes over to me and goes, can I have a cupcake? And I'm like, sure. And he goes, right before he got it, he goes, I better ask my dad. And then he went over to me and was pretending to like. pinch one of the cupcakes? And I was like, you can have one, Jasper. And he goes, mmm. And then Jay walks out. And I thought, in my mind, I thought he was going to ask Jay and Jay would be like, yeah. Yeah, me too. Yeah, of course. So he goes, Dad, can I have a cupcake? And Jay goes, absolutely. I mean, he barely had it out of his mouth.
And Jake goes, absolutely not. You've had enough. Really? He'd already had one. He had a mini one. A mini one. Towards the beginning of the shower, Jasper was inside. He looked so bored. And so I was like, hey, bud, why don't you just go steal one of those cupcakes? And he's like, I can have it now. And I said, yeah, just go grab one. I think he did. I think he did. You can tell. Any time you see him, he's got a cupcake. He wears it all around his face. He came up and gave me a big old hug. He's a hugger. He's a sweetheart. Hillary, what do you got coming up? Let's see. I grabbed New Politics and the XX. I grabbed some Blur, some Queens of the Stone Age, some Tool. Yeah, good stuff. You grabbed some Tool. I totally grabbed it. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next. And we will see you tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. The Mikey Show's out.