The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 02/10/11
Thursday, February 10, 2011
marriage and illnessreality televisionaddiction and rehabonline child privacyworkplace sexismMount Soledad protesthidden audioradio science stuntpets and allergiesDisneyland parentingradiocomedy
Mikey recounted Rebecca's ER visit colliding with their sixth anniversary, while the crew argued over whether he still owed her a romantic gesture. The show's biggest comedy bits came from an American Idol fart complaint, Sienna secretly recording Woods singing, Eskimo Blue Waters planning to chain herself to the Mount Soledad Cross, and Jay lighting submerged bulbs in a microwave. More serious arguments centered on Ted Williams leaving Dr. Phil's rehab, whether baby bath photos belong on Facebook, whether the temporary sports host could be a woman, and whether a pet should be rehomed for allergies. Hillary closed on a warmer note by describing her daughter's delighted breakfast with Disney princesses.
What happened, in order
Anniversary After the ER
Mikey described leaving food behind when Rebecca was discharged from the ER, then debated with Woods, Lauren O'Brien, Sienna, and Jay over whether their no-card anniversary pact really excused him from doing something ro
The Idol Audition Fart
The crew repeatedly replayed an American Idol hopeful's tearful complaint that the judges should have let her finish singing after someone farted, reducing Mikey to helpless laughter.
Ted Williams Leaves Rehab
After Ted Williams said Dr. Phil's rehab arrangement felt rushed and scripted, the hosts imagined Dr. Phil demanding dramatic daily calls and a made-for-TV declaration of sobriety.
Baby Photos Online
Sienna questioned a friend's Facebook bath photo of her baby, prompting a long argument with Mikey, Woods, Lauren O'Brien, and Jay about privacy, nudity, creeps, and whether a strategically placed washcloth made the post
Woods for a Day
As the show announced listener auditions to cover Woods's sports role during his parental leave, the cast's argument over whether the substitute should be male spiraled into a satire of sexism and workplace cattiness.
EBW Saves the Cross
Eskimo Blue Waters announced that she would chain herself at the Mount Soledad Cross until officials did not take it down, then nervously promoted an absurdly self-serving new website while Mikey read its mock biography.
Woods Caught Singing
Sienna's hidden recording exposed Woods singing intensely by himself in Mikey's office, and the crew replayed both his performance and his accidentally creepy way of asking her whether she was going to read her stories.
Microwave Light-Bulb Science
For Old Man Jay Does Science, Jay submerged colored light bulbs in glasses of water and microwaved them, making the bulbs flash while Mikey and the others panicked about fire and exploding glass.
The Dog Allergy Debate
A listener's question about an allergic husband wanting to rehome the family Labrador launched a fierce argument in which Mikey and Woods insisted pets are family while others pressed them on whether a child's health wou
Breakfast with Princesses
Hillary described taking her four-year-old daughter to Disneyland and surprising her with breakfast at Ariel's Grotto, where meeting five princesses left the child mesmerized.
People mentioned
MikeyRebeccaWoodsSiennaLauren O'BrienJayTed WilliamsDr. PhilEskimo Blue WatersHillary
28,741 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Yeah, no. Welcome to the program. It's Mikey's show. Thursday. And, uh, happy anniversary to my wife and I. Happy anniversary, pal. We've been married, uh, six years today. So, I'm very excited about that. Uh, we got a huge show for you today. Oh my gosh. We got so much going on. EBW is going to come in and tell you what time she is going to be up at the Soledad Cross doing a protest to keep the cross. Keep the cross. She's going to stay there until that cross doesn't come down. Wow. Could be a long time. Yeah. That is really an amazing thing. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I'm 40 and wearing one of my comfortable T-shirts, my Padres T-shirt.
Woods is our sports guy. He's got on his North Face jacket. He's 35 years of age, adopting a baby, which will be born soon. So soon. That's right. L.O.B., Lauren O'Brien is our assistant producer. She's got on a cool guitar pick necklace today. She is 30 years of age. Sienna is our news girl. She's 25. And Auburn-haired, freckled. Got a sexy, raspy voice. Jay is our producer. 47 years of age. Father of four. Feels real good, doesn't it? Yeah, I guess. I'm so sorry to his children. I know. And Chris is our phone screener. Let's see. Sienna has hidden audio. It's been a while. That she taped up Woods. You're welcome, my friend. He just looked at me like... The first look was, who is it? Who is it? Are you kidding? I've been trying to get this audio all week, and I finally got it. From when? Because I can't talk about it. You're not even going to tell me, was it from the meeting yesterday? I'm not going to say. I don't want you figuring it out. I have no idea. He was...
Not behaved in the meeting yesterday. Yes, I was. No, you were not. He's a dirty bird. I was not here for the meeting because Rebecca was in the ER and I had to leave, right? You guys are such tattletales. I didn't say anything. We just recorded it. But I don't know if it was from the meeting. Yeah, we don't know. The word of the day is hoop. Great. When you hear me say the word hoop between now and 10 o'clock, caller number nine. What's his heart beating? Oh, my God. We'll get a four-pack to SeaWorld. It's worth $2.80 and a $50 gift card to proflowers.com. So the word is hoop. That's what you're listening for. You can call us right now. Say hello. Talk about what's on your mind. Ask questions of us. Mention what you want. Establish yourself as an M1. An M1 is a Mikey Show listener. And you listen to the Mikey Show exclusively. When you call in, you get to the point and don't cuss. And turn your radio now. Know the rules. Those are... The rules. A couple of things that we're going to be hitting on. Representative Gifford, who was shot in Arizona. We'll be talking about her. Ooh, the big thing happening with Guitar Hero. How about this shirtless New York representative on Facebook? No, Craigslist. Hello. And then Mark Sanchez having sex with a young girl. Uh-oh.
She's making big headlines today. Of course. First, Representative Gifford. What's the news with her, Sienna? Well, according to a spokesman for her, she is speaking now. Oh. Yes, she's able to say words. They're unsure of what her first words were, but they did say that the other morning she asked for toast at breakfast. That's nice. Yes. Right now she's undergoing some rehab at a Houston. rehab facility and as we know her husband mark kelly is about to go up into space in april that's right the good thing is he can rest assured knowing she can ask for toast you know that's a good point if she can talk and ask for toast well then she can say whether or not she wants maybe she should just completely give up his life yeah yeah for his wife that was shot in the head with a nine millimeter nothing really can do yes maybe give it six months She didn't have to be able to talk to be able to support him. Yeah. You know, she also has her appetite back, eating three meals a day on her own. She should have enough strength to get flown out to the launch of his mission.
It's probably in Houston, so she's going to jump a cab. Yeah, maybe what she can do is have him not go in the space shuttle and sit next to her in a chair and stare at her. That would be nice. Make her so much better. Maybe rub her feet. Maybe he can just paint her nails. Love is a very powerful healer. Without it, I don't know where I would be. To that, I say. All right, so listen, here's the thing. She is doing well. She is recuperating. Well is a relative term. It's relative. Very relative. For somebody that got shot in the head, she's doing well. She's doing remarkably well. Remarkably well. She's doing great. She's speaking more and more. She's eating. She said, don't go. Break dancing. She said, please go. Ship her on out. She probably is. She probably will. Well, that's good news. She's speaking now, so. That's great. So what's up with Guitar Hero? Well. The Guitar Hero franchise has pulled the plug yesterday. Wow. And no more Guitar Hero. Why? Now, here's what they said. They say, due to continued declines in the most recent genre, the company will disband Guitar Hero business and discontinue development on its Guitar Hero game for 2011. Really? Yeah.
Maybe Rock Band. Too much competition. Was Rock Band better? Well, they say they want to focus on the greatest opportunities that the company currently has to create the world's best interactive entertainment experiences. So Guitar Hero, they're going to step it up even more. Guitar Hero was the best of the best for a while. Jay, what's the difference between Guitar Hero and... rock band. Rock band, you have drums, you have bass, you have rhythm, singing. So it sounds like rock band is meant for a bunch of people to play. In Guitar Hero, you just play by yourself. You could play with a couple people on it as well. I think four people can play. But rock band is more fun because you get a bunch of buddies together. Everybody plays a different part. You gotta pull your weight. There's a singer, a drummer. So are they just going to take a year off and do a better product, or they're just not doing it anymore? They're not going to do Guitar Hero anymore. Wow. Yeah. They pulled the plug on the whole franchise. I think it kind of hit its peak. Yeah. I mean, they know what they're doing, clearly. That was a huge game. So I think, you know, hopefully they'll come up with something better. Maybe they'll come up with something else. Yeah. Okay. So Woodsy was telling me about this guy, this New York representative. Oh, my. Who is now involved in a scandal. Yes. Representative Lee.
has resigned after a shirtless picture of him hit the internet. Now, what happened was he was apparently chatting with some girl he met on Craigslist in the classified ad section. Craigslist, man. Craigslist. Creep looks real good. Sent a picture of him with his shirt off, like from a cell phone. In the bathroom? In the bathroom, the worst of the worst. Wood said that he was like flexing his muscle or something. He's throwing a bicep at you, dude, in the mirror. And he's got, you know, the cell in the left hand, throwing a gun at you here, shirtless. Decent body, but, you know. So your typical 21-year-old dude photo. Yes. 21-year-old dude photo. On MySpace. On the Jersey Shore. From your dad. Yeah. But the picture is actually of your dad doing it. Right. Well, he has now resigned. Now he's married. Married congressman. He has a kid. Thank you.
He wasn't clearly. He clearly wasn't thinking. Yes. He released a statement basically just saying he regretted his actions and that he hurt his family and others close to him. And he's so sorry. And so he resigned. And the reason the picture came out is because the Maryland resident 34-year-old girl who he gave the picture to sent it to a gawker email website, gossip column. Well, here's the thing that I don't get. I wonder how she even knew who he was. I don't know. Senator Lee at Gov. Yes. I know. At NewYork.gov. NewYork.gov! I am a New York representative at Yahoo.com. Well, he started saying to her that he identified himself as a divorced lobbyist, and then he sent the picture, and then it said that the woman eventually figured it out. Yeah. Probably wasn't that hard. Jackpot. Wow. Yeah. I'm trying to find you this picture because it will make your morning. Does it say how old he is? How old does he look, Woods? I'd say 52. 50s, yeah. 52, 53. Does he have gray chest hair? He doesn't look bad. Okay, so here's his picture. He looks just like Dana Carvey is what he looks like. He does. He looks like Dana Carvey. He looks like Dana Carvey's older, more mature brother. So that's him there.
Yeah, he looks like Dana Carvey. I'm going to find this. You haven't seen that? I've seen it. Okay, you'll find it. And then the other big controversy today is Mark Sanchez, quarterback for the New York Jets, apparently had a one-night stand with a girl that he met at a New York City nightclub. At the club. At the club. And she's 17. He's 24. How was she in the club? I don't know. Fake IDs. It's not very hard in New York. You assume that, I mean, how do you check their age at that point? Well, the legal age of consent is 17 in New York State, and they had a one-night stand. Well, I guess the deal is she was Facebooking about it. Oh, God. I know. Of course she was. Yeah, she reportedly bragged on Facebook, hey, I just got texts from Mark. F-ing Sanchez, who she met on New Year's Eve at the nightclub Lavo. Lavo. Lavo. Which we get so uncomfortable when people swear on their face. Yeah. A hundred percent. But, you know, and he asked her, well, she asked him, she goes, hey, you know I'm 17, right? And he goes, oh, well, we can talk, but we can't do anything until you're 18. Yeah, good for him. And she goes, it's okay. 17's legal in New York. And he goes, I'm all the way in.
Of course she did her research. Yes. She did her research. I want to see what she looks like. Oh, that's the senator. The picture of the senator. He looks great, by the way. He looks fantastic. The thing is. It's real. The thing is. Is that. It looks like Dana Carvey flexing. It does. It looks like Dana Carvey doing a bit. From Saturday Night Live? Like Dana Carvey doing his Bill Clinton or something. Yep. Do you see it, Sienna? Yeah, I've seen it. Oh, my God. He's in good shape, though. Maybe he gets out of his own way. Maybe I go into the bathroom at the break and do the identical picture with my cell phone and then we'll post it on Facebook. His poor wife and child. It won't look as good. Yes, you should. I'll do it at the break. I feel sorry for them. I'll do it at the break. I can't imagine. Oh, it's awful. And what is his wife thinking today? She's like, you son of a bitch.
Well, that's the thing, man. First of all, if you found out that your husband was doing that anyway, it's hurtful. But then you have to do it in public. It's got to be so humiliating. It hurts your heart. But back to Mark Sanchez. He's a sharp dude. Didn't really do anything wrong. The legal age is 17. Apparently, they had a one-night stand. She went back to his mansion with him, and they did their business, and that's it. She clearly was on a mission that night. Yeah. And mission accomplished. She contacted the website. I don't want to say the website, but she contacted this big website that does all these breaking stories, and she's the one that contacted them and said, hey, this is what I've got. So be careful out there. Oh, it wasn't like... You know, she was posting on our Facebook and it blew up from there. No, she contacted. She directly contacted. She contacted this website that everybody knows what it is. Is it because she wanted money? Probably. You are a smelly pirate hooker. Notoriety. Notoriety. Fame. Wow.
But she's cute. She is. She's got to be. I saw a picture. People these days really want notoriety more than money. They want notoriety and fame. Sick. I told you, man. I heard this statistic from Mark Driscoll. He was speaking, and I was like, that can't be true. He said that there was a poll done of high school teenagers, and they asked them what they wanted more than anything else. And over 75% of them said, To be on a reality show. Yeah. And I was like, no way. That's not true. That can't be true. I think it's true. I don't know about reality show, but I could see them saying to be famous, you know? Yeah, yeah. Maybe that was it. To be famous. I remember hearing that show some months ago, but reality show is definitely in the top running. I know that. I believe it, man. I believe it. What they do is they look on TV and they're like, look at that clown. He's getting paid. You hear.
Mike the Situation makes $11 million in one year. He works out. He's got a good body. And that's his thing. And he's really kind of an idiot. Kind of. And you can be famous that way. You can make $11 million for doing nothing. Or you can be on YouTube and Usher can find you. That's it, dude. Yeah, times have changed. Big time. We're in a strange time. I miss the old times. I do too. I miss the old times real bad. I miss the old times. I want to get like a letter in the mail. From a friend. You guys remember like when we were all, it doesn't matter what age we are. Remember when you would watch like a TV show and there was like nine shows on when we were little kids. You're like, those are some talented, funny people. Like John Ritter. You know, you watch John Ritter on Three's Coming. You're like, God, that dude is hysterical. I can never be that funny.
Now you're like, I could be on TV tomorrow if I wanted to. I literally could be on TV tomorrow. I could be in the reader tomorrow if I wanted to. Happened. Oh, yeah. Toys. Once. Once. Oh, yeah. Just once. Just once. Once was enough. Just once after I'd been here for a week. Shh. Shut up. I'm the only one that can bring it up. I'm the only one that can say anything. You're not allowed. Sorry. What else is going on? Oh, have you heard about this? Apparently, suicide calls in San Diego to 911, suicide calls have increased. Yes, they've increased 21% in the last two years. Wow. I know. Isn't that crazy? Sad. I think it's just because people reacting to foreclosures, bankruptcy, the economy being bad. Jeez. I mean, it's such a bummer.
Is Donald Trump really going to run for president? That's what he claims. Yeah, he was just on with Nancy Grace. Yeah. And he was saying that he's seriously thinking about running for president. He's not going to make the final decision until June. But he says, you know. I think I love this country. I hate what's happened to it. He says if he was elected, he would reassess American foreign policy, especially its relationship with China, whom he considers, quote, the enemy. Would he be a Republican or a Democrat? Republican. He's a Republican. Can anyone just run Republican? You guys got some good, some real good choices over there. It's terrible. In the old Republican. It's terrible. Chances he would use the phrase, you're fired, in his campaign. It's brutal. Thousand. It's brutal. So my wife had this kidney stone surgery on Monday. And yesterday she just felt terrible. She thought she was going to pass out. So she went to the emergency room. They gave her some fluids and she felt better and everything. And, you know, I left here after work to go hang out with her and be with her. Got there. You know, they had the IV in. She was doing good. And I said, are you hungry? She said, yeah. I said, all right.
I'm going to go to the cafeteria and get some stuff. So I just went in there and loaded up pizza, chicken nuggets, some stuff. Brought it back. She was ready to go. And just left all my food there. Just didn't get to eat any of the pizza. And she goes, is she going to do some shopping before we go or here at the hospital? Yeah, I guess so. You just left the food? You know, she's ready to go. What are you going to do? To go box? It's a whole tray. I didn't have a to-go box. It's awesome. You can't walk out with a tray full of food in your car. I would have sat and eaten it and then gone. But you wouldn't have made her. If she wanted to go, you'd have to go. You go. I'd have gone back to the cafeteria. Yeah. Jay would have gotten his money back. Got his money back. He would have gotten his money back. I can't imagine. He would have gotten his money back. I just see you, Mike, walking away from your tray, looking back every few steps. Crying. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Welcome back for you. I wanted to get you. He's like Wilson. I'm sorry.
Shuffling away. Foodie. Sorry, foodie. So we were in there, and I go, and she said, man, I was going to get you an anniversary card today. I said, yeah, I was too. She goes, you want to just not do it? I go, yeah. No, I want to do it. It's a very romantic moment. How many years? Six. Gorgeous years, you know, sitting there. Want to do anything? Nah. Want to do anything? Nah. Just call it a night. Time to flame. Burns dim. Well, it's not a dim flame. I mean, flame's all hot and everything. But I found such comfort in being able to be like, don't want to do anything. Do you? No. She's sick. You know, she's sick. You have to get a card or flowers or something. If you show up with no flowers, she's sick. You should do something. See, here's the thing. It's difficult for me. On, was it Sunday, Saturday or Sunday, I bought her the most beautiful, spontaneous, No reason. Gigantic. Oh, it was amazing. Bouquet, you know, thing. Not a good idea. Not a good idea? No. Why? Because your anniversary is four days later. Week before Valentine's Day. Come on, pal. Five days before your anniversary. I use a noodle, but I do it. Good. You got to do it again. Do it a different time. Yeah, do it a different time. Maybe April. I asked Rebecca what you had done wrong to have to get that kind of... It was beautiful.
I just did it for no reason. Do something different than maybe get her a favorite food. Get her something nice. Yeah. I know why you did it. Why? Because you were having a Super Bowl party the next day and you wanted people to know you did it. No. That is not why. I'm telling you the truth. I believe that you do it, but for Jay to know, there had to be something. Well, you went to the Super Bowl party. Well, right. So did everyone and everyone saw it the day before. But it was the day of. I think it was the day of. I think I got it Sunday. It was because she sent me to go get these flowers that she had ordered for the party. And then you stepped it up a notch. And I saw these lilies and I go, she likes lilies, so I got her lilies. That's good. That was sweet of you. You pinned yourself in a corner now because it's your anniversary. And you, unfortunately... Not unfortunately. Fortunately are not in the hospital and you're not sick. Yeah. So you're not really off the hook. She's kind of off the hook. I got to do something. You got to take it over to Fashion Valley and make it right and get out of here. And the good thing is women will never shy away from flowers. We can never have too many flowers. Yeah. Yeah, but you just got them. You just got them. You want something else. Yeah. Different ones. Perfect. I'm thinking. I'm racking my brain. I don't want to say it on the air, but we'll come up with something great. Yeah.
Don't do the candies because that's for next week. Yep. Yeah, he'll go buy our big heart box of chocolates today. I've been really good. I said, listen, babe, I know you just got out of the ER. Don't worry about vacuuming. You are a monster. Don't worry about the dusting. Don't worry about my coffee. Don't worry about my lunch. And you know what? Happy birthday, pal. Did you pack your lunch? I'm kidding. Did you pack your lunch? Yeah. You did? Yeah. Can I see what you packed? Sure, it's gross. It's just fattening. Oh, wow. It's all the cafeteria food in there. There's a Crisco sandwich in there. There's some kind of marinara pasta with peas in it. Weird. And what is this? That's... Chicken salad? No, it's paprika. Say it again. Chicken paprika. Looks delicious. From what country? Two entrees? Two entrees. Maybe we... And maybe this feels more invasive than the x-ray machine at the airport. Now he's just sending Chris there to go get him something. No, I don't have anything. Are you kidding? That's a bunch of fattening, delicious food. It looks delicious. What is paprikash? Yeah. It's the way that you say paprika if you're from Hungary. Oh, so it's like chicken with paprika. Yes. Are you from Hungary? You're Hungarian now?
No, but we have a nanny and her name is Nita. That makes my mouth work. It does. We have a Hungarian nanny and she stepped it up because Rebecca was not feeling good. She made you that. So did she pack your lunch? I'm just asking. I'm just gathering information. She made that and she called it paprikash? Chicken paprikash. Okay. Well, then that's acceptable for you to repeat it the correct way. Yeah, that's what it's called. I didn't know if you went on freetranslation.com and tried to figure out how to say paprika in Hungarian. No, it's called chicken paprikash. And I think that the reference that you're making is, yes, I do have a Hungarian translator on my browser. Chances need to pack that Tupperware.
Well, let's see. We got to take a break. Chances Nita might have actually put it in the lunchbox. Did Nita also put the booga in a bed? Chances Nita made your lunch today. Well, coming up on this. We love you so much. Oh, so much. All right. So I got to tell you this. What we're going to play when we come back. What we're going to play when we come back. So. Rebecca was in and out of the hospital yesterday, and I was stressed going to bed last night. I was just stressed out. And she goes, she sat her headphones on, and she paused American Idol. She goes, watch this scene. It'll make you happy. And I said, it won't. And she goes, it will. And I put her headphones on, pressed play, because I knew I'm just going to finish this, not laugh, not think it's funny, and hand her the headphones back. And I went, ha ha!
So we'll play you what it was when we come back. Just sent the picture of Woods to our Facebook page, facebook.com slash Mikey Show. Prepare to vomit. I want to ask Jared to put the Representative Lee's picture shirtless next to Woods' on MikeyShow.com. It says Representative Woods. That's what I wrote. I wrote Representative Woods. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I've never seen the men's bathroom in this building. How great is that? That does not even look like him. Nice farmer jam. Fat farmer stand guy. Woods, you're the best. That is great. That is great. First comment is from Wesley Long, who says, wow.
That's really all you have to say, Wesley. He says well. Hey, in just a minute, we'll be playing you the audio of Lindsay Lohan getting scolded in court yesterday by the judge. Weird. Yeah, I know. So this is a woman who had auditioned in San Francisco for American Idol and left the audition upset and was crying. So when I first started watching it, I'm like, I don't know why I'm supposed to think this is funny. But just listen. I just thought I had it, you know. I just thought I was going to be famous. She knows. Do you have a message for the judges? Because somebody farts. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. And then she burst into tears and she was just like, get away from me, the camera. We get to hear the fart, right? No. I'm sorry. Do you have a message for the judges?
Just because somebody farts, let them finish singing, okay? Save that, I save that. Please, I save that. Just because somebody farts, let them finish singing, okay? She was nervous. She was nervous. I don't care. I know. Get out. Little pitchy dog. Oh, you need to get out of here. Do you have a message for the judges? Just because somebody farts, let them finish singing, okay? Wow. Oh, my God. You know how long you wait in line to get to that? And then you fart? And then you fart. And then you fart in your audition, you dum-dum? Yeah. Okay. The video, there's footage of her singing and farting. Oh, there is? I just Googled it. Send it to me. Send it to me. Send it to me. Send it to me. Send it to me. Send it to me. Send it to me. Maybe she'll get her fame after all. I can't get there fast enough. If I can make it here, I'll make it.
Anywhere. It's up to you. New York. New York. Is it her walking? Wait, someone else farted during auditions. Wow. Wait, this is an American Idol. It's playing. Oh, fine. This girl farts during American Idol. That is so classic. No, it is her. It has to be. How am I going to tell my mama? Because it says it was posted yesterday. Your mama knows that you farted. Your mama knows. Holy crap. I laughed so hard. I bet. Was not expecting that. Let's see. I don't know if it's it. We'll see. Hey, Chelsea. Chelsea Johnson is back for a fourth time. No, that's not the girl. Why don't you just sing something, Chelsea? Okay. And this is from, like, England. Wow. Wow. From where? From her. The girl that's about to audition. Oh. Wow. Isolate. That is good TV. Unbelievable. You're in. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. The girl that farted on American Idol is a pretty girl. She is? The one last night, yeah. Okay.
Furry and brown. I think it's fake. Oh, my gosh. How come it's all gross? It's even worse. Girls get nervous, apparently. Girls are farty. Oh, man. I guess they were trying to relax before they went up and shing. Mikey almost booed it. He almost threw up there and they farted. No, no, no. It made me laugh. It made me laugh. You got paprikash in your throat. You got a little paprikash down the wrong pipe. That was something else. That was something. Sure was. Oh, boy. Word of the day is hoop. Not poop. Hoop. When you hear me say the word hoop between now and 10. Caller number nine. Can we get you some water? Please. Please. Four pack of tickets to SeaWorld. Why is there not footage of it? No, no. Don't drink that. $50 gift card to proflowers.com. What's happened, Mikey? A vase with, like, plant beer in it?
Of course he did. Water? That's for the science experiment. 7.30. Be careful, be careful, be careful. Oh my lord, don't hand water over the board. You're welcome. Wow. I wasn't done drinking. I like the quick thank you. Thanks, buddy. Sorry about that. It's okay. You're learning. I'm learning. Holy cow. Now Lindsay Lohan and the judge scolding her. about stealing necklaces. She apparently stole a $2,500 necklace from a jewelry store in L.A. I'm trying to put this as polite as possible because of all the media interest here, but you need to understand. I've talked to your attorney and the DA's in chambers, and Ms. Chavin-Holly can explain to you what I'm telling you if you don't understand everything that I'm going to say, but I'm going to say it in a polite version. You're in a...
Different situation now that a felony has been filed against you. And although the people have been courteous, in this court's opinion, in only requesting $20,000 in the probation violation, you now have a pending felony case. So in the interim, while this case is percolating to a resolution is reached, if you violate the law, I will remand you and set no bail. And your attorney won't be as successful this time on the habeas petition that they ran before because a felony is a different situation and you're not entitled to bail. So what I'm telling you is you need to follow the laws just like everybody else. Look around this room. Everyone in this room has to follow the law. The court, the DA, your attorney, the sheriff's deputies, everybody. You're no different than anyone else. Don't push your luck because I'm telling you. Well, your attorney can tell you what I said, but I'm telling you things will be different. Do you understand what I'm telling you? Yes, sir. Wow. I feel bad for her. That's scary. Man. I wonder if the DA has some real good stuff. Must have to go all the way to this point. Well, yeah, because when you consider that.
She had friends that are with her and yesterday we were like, well, it's their word against theirs and blah, blah, blah. There must be something pretty damaging. Surveillance possibly. Surveillance that looks real shady. They don't get to that point. They don't get to that point with a shop owner going, she stole the necklace. A lot of times if the shop owner wanted dough, they would just go, we want to settle out of court. Give us $100,000. And a lot of times that happens. This has been pushed to the. This is the limit. She's probably going to have to go to trial for this. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Felony. Felony. You can go to prison. And her probation gets violated. Yeah, and they consider all that. I always thought it was over $3,000. Well, it has to do with your past, too. They factor it in. Oh, man. Well, she was released after court yesterday after she paid $40,000 bail. Chances she went to a club last night. Don't. Please, no. No, please. Chances. 60? 70. I'm sorry. Do you have a message for the judges? Just because somebody farts, let them finish singing. Poor Lindsay. I didn't realize it was the same. I thought it was really Lindsay. I think that's the message for every one of us today. Oh, boy. It's because somebody farts, let them finish singing. I like how she says farts.
Farts. Farts. She's got a little bit of an accent. Do you have a message for the judges? Just because somebody farts, let them finish singing, okay? Farts. Farts. Well, you can't do that if you're auditioning. You're not, you shouldn't. It's not a good idea. Imagine I walk in for my first interview with Garrett. And I'm just, Garrett. And I just, oh, excuse me. He's going to be like, get out of my office, dude. He's going to go, really? Every time I audition at home, I farted. And that's how I got my nerves out. They let me. They let me finish. So gross. Everybody deals with stress differently. I fart. It's a bodily function. Woods went to Henry's yesterday. Weird. Actually, that is weird. That is weird. Yeah. He bought a little piece of cheesecake. Of course he found the one unhealthy thing in there. Yeah. And the clerk says, wow, this is for you. Oh, my God. Sure did. Why? He said it might have been shaped like a heart with strawberry swirls. Oh, my God. What?
What's a weak spot for some cheesecake? Enough that he was willing to buy a heart-shaped cheesecake. Or did you not say? No, it's for my wife. Nope, Jamie was with me, and I go, yes, it is. And he goes, wow. Man, I like cheesecake too. And I said, yep. It's pretty good. Like, man, I didn't even know we made cheesecake. Oh, my God. He's like, I didn't know we made, like, a gay cheesecake. Heart cheap cheesecake. And I didn't eat it. Why? Because I was ashamed. Good. But I paid for it. In your fridge? Yep. Good for you. You'll eat it today. It's like at home. But I didn't want to eat it right after he had said something. Like, show him and eat the whole thing. It's only like. It's like that big. Softball size? Yeah, softball size. Maybe you just zip your lip. Check me out. Don't say anything. Maybe say hello, sir. That's Rebecca's bit, too. She does not like when people comment on her items. She doesn't like it when people go, oh, are you having a party? She's going to say that. People say that to me. Are you on your period? Yeah, great. Thank you very much.
The girl that checked me out the other day, I was getting a magazine, and she actually flipped through a couple of the pages. Oh, my God. I'm not kidding. Maybe five pages. Are you kidding? She's like, oh, I haven't seen this one. Then you get to work. I know. It was on Super Bowl Sunday. I was there, too. So it wasn't packed at all, either. She's eating your grapes. These are good. You eat these? That's disgusting. Why do you eat those? Maybe you just say, oh. Good afternoon, sir. Welcome to Henry's. Give a card. Yes, I do. There you go. And then they scan my stuff. That'll be $37. I love the interaction. Have a great day. You like it? When they're just robots, you're just like, you know. Give me a robot. Thanks for coming through. That bothers you? That bothers me, yeah. You're like, hey, don't just sit there and check me out. You're supposed to be my friend. How's it going? What's going on? You can talk about other stuff besides just the purchases. Have you had this beer? Is this good? Yeah, it's a great beer. Each checker at the grocery store. has a spot where you have to be, and then they'll say hi to you. Every person, once they get to where the gum starts, hello, how are you? You're invisible to that point, for sure. You finally step into the hello zone. I'm the overzealous. Hi. Hi. I try to get them to say hi to me. You know what I am?
I'm the overzealous, gotta get my stuff on the belt guy. Oh, me too. If there is a sliver of belt, I'm loading stuff onto it. I put that bar down and I'm getting my stuff on. Woods makes me so nervous. He makes me so nervous. Why? Because you're wired so high energy, you know, like so fast and so, you know. It's always on. Always on in the grocery store. He's the guy like in line behind me where I'm still trying to get my, I start fumbling and throwing credit cards because he's like, tap in the belt. Happy writing a check? Great. Happy birthday. I bought a little bee some seeds too, Mikey, from Henry's. Did you? Yes. A little snack. What kind of seeds? Corn. A sweet corn spring treat. I love it. Let's do some Tom Tom tunes.
570-1949 is our number if you want to play TomTom tunes. We have a TomTom device, and she speaks. And all you have to do is try to tell us what song is she reading the lyrics to. It's not as easy as it sounds. What's the prize, Jay? We're going to hook them up with $50 gift cards to proflowers.com. Wow. Very nice. Just in time. For the big day. M1 Derek from La Jolla. How are you? How are you? Good. So here's what we're going to do. We're going to give you 20 seconds to listen to the TomTom Girl, and she's going to read you some lyrics, and you just have to give us title or artist to win. Are you ready? I am ready. TomTom Girl, are you ready? I'm ready, Mikey. All right, let's begin. You should know everywhere I go, you are always on my mind, in my heart, in my soul, baby. You are the meaning in my life. You are the inspiration. You bring feeling to my life. You are the inspiration. That's it. Title or artist, please, to win, Derek. I have no idea. Oh, wow. That was Chicago. You're the inspiration. Yes. Sweet sounds. Sweet like honey in my ears. Tom Tom Girl, you are a machine, so you don't know.
Love, but if you did, that song... Thank you for rubbing it in, Mike. No, I'm not rubbing it in. I'm just explaining to you that is a beautiful love song. If you, in fact, were human, you would enjoy that song. I will be hoping that someone will send out a dedication on Valentine's Day for me. It's very possible. It's very possible. M1 Meter Reader from Oceanside, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Okay, you're going to have 20 seconds, Meter Reader, okay? Okay. All I need is for you to give me the title or artist to the following lyrics that the TomTom Girl will read. Here we go. Happy ever after in the marketplace Desmond lets the children lend a hand Molly stays at home and does her pretty face And in the evening she still sings it with the band Obladi. Obladi. Life goes on, brah. La, la, life goes on. Ow, ow. And when I meet a reader, I need a title or artist to win. Very well done. Oh, wow. Obliadi. Obliadi. Oh, that was fantastic. Obliadi. Obliadi.
I defy any human being to ever hear that song the same again. I defy you. So I was a little bit off on my pronunciation. I thought you did great, Tom Tom Girl. M1 Big J from Oceanside, you there? Hey, what's going on, you guys? Not too much, man. You got 20 seconds to tell us, title or artist, from this song, from the Tom Tom Girl. Sha-la-la-la-la-la. I was down at the New Amsterdam staring at this yellow-haired girl. Mr. Jones strikes up a conversation with a black-haired flamenco dancer. You know she dances while his father plays guitar. Title artist to win, M1BigJay. Ellen John. What? Ellen John. Counting grows. Is it Mr. Jones? Yes. Down in Amsterdam? Yellow hair girl. So hard to do. You can't do it. You're doing no justice. La man go. La man go. It's gift you are. 5701949 is our number. Should you want to call us?
And our text is 949mikey at gmail.com. Oh, wow. Well, let's see. She just had a baby. She did? Uh-huh. Somebody slept with her? On Christmas Day, she had a baby boy. His name is, oh, it's like, his name is Ever. Ever. The baby's name is Ever? Uh-huh. Ever? Are you serious? I'm telling you the truth. Ever Morissette? Ever. I don't know. Yes, she'll keep her last name. I'm sure she will. I love you, Evermore. Isn't that ironic? Because it's a word. It's like a word. Evermore. It's like a free ride when you're already late. The golden-voiced homeless guy, Ted Williams, explains in a video clip why he left rehab. And we'll play that for you when we come back. Oh, and...
We're going to tell you about Woods for a Day. Oh, yeah. Next. Number one song. In the country right now is Bruno Mars. Hey. Welcome back. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, I have some good news and some bad news. I'm going to start with the bad just because I told you guys this story a couple days ago. I always prefer that.
The baby that was found in the toilet in the South Carolina arena. The baby was alive. Yeah. And literally it was a Barnum and Bailey circus. The janitor custodian found the baby crying in the toilet. Baby was about an hour old. And they have found the mother. Yeah. And she has been arrested and charged. You know, everything. And now there's a man who's claiming to be the father. And this woman is saying that she didn't know she was pregnant. She didn't know any of this. But if you look on her Facebook page, she says stuff like, oh, having morning sickness and all that. So she's, you know, not not the brightest. But the baby is doing well, is in stable condition. So that's what matters. Some good news. I get really excited about these kinds of stories. SeaWorld has confirmed. Sienna loves this stuff. SeaWorld has confirmed plans to open a new roller coaster. You guys are going to laugh. It's a manta ray themed roller coaster. And it says it gives you the experience of feeling like a manta ray by gliding and diving through a dozen twists and turns while viewing exhibits of the manta rays. I think it sounds awesome.
You start in a tunnel with large images of manta rays projected on a 270-degree screen. I'm going to chew off my own toes. Yep. What? If you have kids, you're going to go be a manta ray. I know. Be a manta ray. I've been impressed with SeaWorld so far, so I think that this is going to be cool. Yes. Well, construction is expected to begin next month just north of the Rocky Point Preserve where the dolphins are. We're very different. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, this is a story that you're going to be hearing a lot about over the next few months. The NFL, the owners and the players are trying to figure out the new collective bargaining agreement. And basically, there's a lot of disconnect between these guys. They met for five hours yesterday. They had a meeting scheduled today, and that meeting has been canceled. Just didn't get anything done. Nobody's really giving on either side. So I'm going to kind of outline for you briefly what they want. The owners want more money. And the players want more money. So team owners want a bigger cut of the revenues, which are roughly $9 billion. They want more than that. They also want a rookie wage scale. So when a rookie gets drafted and before they sign him, they're going to have a scale on them now, which they haven't had before. It's why Sam Bradford got $65 million or whatever he got last year. And they also want to increase the regular season to 18 games, dropping two preseason games.
So if there's no new CBA in place by March, they will lose $120 million. If it's not there by August, they will lose $350 million. And if nothing is in place by September, they will have lost $1 billion. Oh, my gosh. Yes. Maybe you get in the room and hammer it out. Hammer it out. So they canceled the meeting today. Also, this may be a moot point if there's no CBA in the next few months. If there is, the Chargers are expected to put the franchise tag on Vincent Jackson. So, you know, he's a pretty good player, and they didn't sign him last year. They can tag him, and he'll get the average of the top five wide receivers in the league. Yeah. But it's not going to matter if there's no CBA in place. Yeah. There better be. Yep. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And our phone screener is Chris. It's Chris. It's Chris. It's Chris. Don't forget. EBW will be coming in here to tell us what time she's going to be doing her thing today. We already announced what she's doing, right? Yeah. She's going up to the Soledad Cross, and she's going to protest the fact that they want to take it down, and she says that she will stay there until it does not come down. Yeah, in chains. She's going to chain herself to something. Yeah. It was press released yesterday. We're expecting news crews to be up there.
That would be awesome. We will invite listeners to go there as well, M1s to go out there and be on the news, C-E-B-W in full regalia. Uh-huh. I think she has her guitar with her. Mm-hmm. Oh, boy. She's going to chain herself to something. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Let's see. Sienna has hidden audio of Woods. Oh, no. We'll do that at 8. I don't want to hear it. I forgot. And the word of the day is hoop. When you hear us say the word hoop between now and 10. Caller number nine will win a four-pack of tickets to SeaWorld and a $50 gift card to ProFlowers.com. Ted Williams was the guy that was homeless, then had the cool radio voice. Dr. Phil sent them to rehab, and he left rehab and was on yesterday explaining why. There was concern initially that you may relapse. You ended up in rehab again. You left after just two weeks. Why did you leave so soon? Actually, that was probably a very rushed decision. At that point, going into rehab was too much too fast. And I was just not really focused on what I should be doing. And then I love Dr. Phil. Let me just say that I love him. His concerns and his caring will not go in vain. You know, I am definitely going to carry on. But I felt scripted.
I was doing live phone-ins from rehab, you know, and I haven't known anyone to have done that before. You know, you're calling in, hi, Ted, how's everything going? And instead, I'm supposed to be in various classes. The people at Origins, where he sent me, was a fine, fine facility, you know. And so I was told by some people in the voiceover community in Los Angeles that they have a clean living sober house there. That's where I'm living now. And I could work and do some voiceovers in California. And I don't have to do call-ins in order to get my rehab. Well, listen, if you're going to go, I mean, you're there. There's a pay phone. What's the big deal? I need ratings. Listen, I just want you to call in once a day. Is that too much to ask? I paid for this damn rehab. Yeah. I'm going to get something out of it. The least you can do is call in every day. Now, if you're doing well. Don't say that. Be real elusive. Be real elusive. Make it sound like you're dying for a drink. I want to hear you struggle. Struggle. I want to hear you struggling. It's so mean. If you sound like you're recovering, I'll hang out. Well, people turn the channels. Hey, the thing is.
It's going to be a bigger success story if we hear the struggles. I need struggles. Because, hey, who doesn't like a happy ending? That's right. Fair enough. So even if you... Now, when we get to the end of the stay, I don't give a crap if you've got a bottle of old Harper porn down your throat. I want you to say this. You got a pen? Yes. I want you to say, Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil. Today marks 28 days of sobriety. Today marks 28 days of sobriety. And it's all because of you. It's all because of you. Should I emphasize the all or the you? Emphasize you because you're talking about me. Dr. Phil, today marks 28 days of sobriety, and it's all because of you. I like it, but if you're drunk, I don't want you to slur. I need it to sound like I got you sober. Dr. Phil, today marks 28 days of sobriety, and it's all because of you. Perfect. Dead on perfect.
My show starts taping at 5 o'clock, okay? Now, because of where Origins is, that's 2 a.m. for you, but I don't care. You better call in. I'm supposed to be cleaning toilets at that time. No, you're not. You're supposed to be in bed, but I don't care. I told them, wake your butt up and make the phone call. If you don't, I told them, kick you out. Fair enough. Right on the street. Fair enough. Because, hey, who doesn't like an early morning call? That's right. That's right. Who's your hero? Dr. Phil. With a little more up to him. Dr. Phil. One more time. Dr. Phil. There you go. What a monster. He was pretty well-spoken, and good for him that he's in a clean living facility. Hey, and Mike, isn't that the most important thing, that that guy's got to feel comfortable with where he is and the treatment that he's getting? Plus, he's with other like-minded people. They're doing the same thing. Good for him, man. He felt like he got hosed because he did. And he did. You could see Dr. Phil pushing him out the door. He has to. The deal is that he has to want it, and it was all about.
Dr. Phil putting him on the spot. You can't do it because somebody put you on the spot. On TV, you're like, okay, I guess I will. Can I stop over in Cleveland first? No. Are you going to have a drink there? Yes, I am. Will you call in while you are? Of course. If you don't call? I will call. If you relapse, I need you to call in at the moment of relapse. Absolutely. Before the bottle cap hits the floor. But don't call in until you blow a .91. I believe that's legally dead. All right, 8-5. That I've done. So yesterday. Sienna's responding to some messages on Facebook and notices something a little odd on one of her friend's profiles. Her friend posted a picture of her one-month-old baby. Aww. Aww. That's cute. Yeah. In the bathtub. Yeah. In the bathtub. Always questionable. And that seems like kind of a personal picture, Sienna thought, to be posting on Facebook. But what made it a little bit weirder...
was that she strategically placed a little washcloth over the baby's privates. Now, go ahead, Sienna. If you need to put a washcloth over your baby's privates, maybe you shouldn't be posting the picture on it. Are we talking tops or tails? Bottom. You can see the little boobies. Oh, okay. That's fine. Why would you want that? Tops or tails? I mean, I would be weirded out if it was a picture of the bath and there was no washcloth. Are we talking tops or tails? Obviously tails. But it seems creepy in my mind for her to be there about to take a picture. Wait, wait, wait. Let's get the washcloth. We don't want that online. But then why post the picture? I always think it's kind of weird. It is. I don't think bath pictures should be online. Maybe I'm with you. Yeah. Because the thing is, those things stay on there forever, and you never know who gets their hands on them. It's just kind of weird. Have the kid do the over-the-shoulder look, you know, like. Yeah. I mean, nothing. I am on board with naked babies at the beach, whatever. It doesn't bother me. Yeah. But online freaks me out. Online, you just, ugh. Maybe put a diaper on them. And they stay on there forever. What if that kid grows up to be, like, some superstar? And they're like, hey, we got naked photos. Oh, yeah. I mean, I've seen pictures of naked babies, like, right.
After they're born, and the parent's like, look, and they're naked. They pretty much all look the same anyway. It's like this episode of Tim and Eric. Hi, I'm Eric Werheim, and welcome to Tim and Eric Awesome Show. Great job. Hi, I'm Tim Heidecker. Hey, Tim. I was hanging out with your mom the other day, and she gave me this hilarious picture of you. Okay, can we not show this on camera, please? But look, you're fully naked. You still zoom in. Ben, can we cut? I'd like to talk to you about this before we... He's chilling in the picture. Hey, who's this? Well, that's my mom. Yeah, but what's this? Please don't do that. Please don't do that. Can you cut, please? I use this because it's so small. It's magnifying. Oh, my God. That's the thing, man. My wife will take pictures of our boys. They're a year and a half, and I'm like, babe. She goes, they're going to think it's so cute when they're older. And I'm like, maybe.
Maybe they'll be like, hey, mom, with the wiener picture. It's a rite of passage. We all have pictures of us naked when we're little, and it's cute. It's funny, but putting them online is the extra step. I would even be okay if it was in a frame. in a house. Exactly. You would? Yeah. You would? I don't want to go over to your house and see a framed picture. There's a picture of my little sister, Avalon, and she's about a year old, standing on the beach, butt naked, holding an apple. On the beach is different. And there's one bite out of the apple, and it's the cutest picture. On the beach is different. Why? That's somehow like family, fun, cute, blah, blah, blah. But you can still see everything. So is bath time. Wait a minute. Bath time with a washcloth framed in the house? Weird. Bath... Beach, not weird. What about all the bubbles and the rubber ducky? Beach, weird. Nothing's weird. Put her so caught up. About bodies. I just took a shirtless picture of myself in the bathroom. I'm not caught up at all. Jay has the mentality of somebody from Italy. Yeah, a nudist.
You'll be thinking right now. You're so uptight about this. Just let it flow. Lighten up. Why don't you lighten up here in America, you know? You're so... I don't want to see your kid's wiener when I'm trying to have a sandwich on the beach. Just put a diaper on. How hard is that? Oh, my gosh. How hard is that? What is wrong with you? How hard is to wear a diaper? Okay, what if the baby... Oh, you guys are monsters. Jay, what if the baby had to go poop in your precious ocean? Not a problem. That's not a problem. No. What if the baby had to poop on the beach? What if the baby had to poop and he poops on the beach? Clean it up. You know how gross a wet diaper is? A wet diaper full of ocean or pool is so gross. And then the gel starts to leak out. How about just a little decorum? Yeah, seriously. Where are we? Grease? It's just babies. Put a diaper on your child and put clothes on them. It's liberating. It's so sweet. It's liberating. Plus, they get changed like 18 times a day. It's liberating. Stuff all over everything. Are they Nelson Mandela? Why do they need to be nude on the beach? Let it flow. Nelson ratings, they don't. Or Nielsen. Nelson. Oh, boy. Nelson. Nielsen Mandela. It's a clip of Jack. It's Nielsen Mandela. I'm going to find something on each of you. All right.
I just don't know. I never understood it. There's a lady that when we go, she always has her nude child at the beach. And I'm like, oh, God. Hallelujah. Life for a kid, in my opinion, should imitate life the rest of your life. Absolutely. It's the only chance where it's acceptable for them to go running around naked. I always say to my mom, I can't wait till summer because Sage can run around the beach naked. Nude? Yes. No. What? It is not. WT. No, it's not. Yes, yes, yes. It's so nice. You won't have to worry about it. You won't be there anymore. Hey, let the babies run around. Hey, let them run around naked. The only time it affects you is in your living room and you can be on your couch. Let them run around naked, man. It don't matter. Hey, baby. It's a bitch. Hey, baby, give me a Budweiser. Give me a Budweiser. Hey, take those britches off that baby. Let them run around naked. You know we want the babies to run around naked.
Hey, baby. Hey, baby. Bring me my reds. Hey, give me my cigarettes. I forgot my Marlboro's in the truck. And let the baby run around naked. Hey, bring my boom box. Bring the A. Get the Skinner. Get the Skinner. Bring my boom box. I got the batteries for them. I stuck them in the back of the truck. Batteries. Hey, quit blowing the damn horn. Quit honking the horn, baby. You're going to scare the baby in his britches. He's going to poop on the beach. Oh, my. You guys. They're going to blow things out and put poor shit in it. Mikey's smoking a fake cigarette. Hey, baby. Sharpie. Baby. We are going to run out of beers. I don't care how drunk you are. Go get some more. Stop it. Get out of town. And take the britches off that kid. And get them britches off that baby. You're ridiculous. You are ridiculous. It's freeing. They're little. My wife hates it. Because I'm Mexican. I'm Mexican. My wife's white. I go big. It's WT. She's like, it's not. It is not. It is not. A little bit. M1 Austin from Rancho Buena Vista. Okay. Yeah. So I'm 17 years old.
And to be honest, I don't think, I don't understand why it's that big of a deal that a woman posted a picture of her baby. I mean, at least she covered it up. Yeah, I know, but isn't it weird? Isn't it weird? I mean, to be honest, a lot of my friends that are girls on Facebook, I mean, they find old baby pictures of them and their friends in all the bathtubs. That's true. You know, and they post them. I mean, I don't understand why it's a big deal. I think it's the effort that she attempted to cover up those private parts so she could share it with her friends. Just keep the nudes off Facebook. Yeah, and Sienna's got it. I think I agree with Sienna. She's like, hey, listen, if you got to cover it, then maybe you don't post it. Yeah. Well, I mean, all of her friends, all of those friends that she's posting to, she's probably had them come over to her house. And I mean, you're the one to say. I don't care if it's in a frame in the house. But it's on the internet. It's on the internet for all to see, man. Hey, baby, are you posting pictures of the naked baby yet? Download them from the phone. I don't understand that it's on the internet, but I mean, it's a baby. It's a baby. We're so desensitized to Facebook nowadays that it's just like, oh, it's a naked baby. I mean, we see that every day. Do a waist up shot. I probably wouldn't be shocked if I saw a picture of a naked baby. No. Dude, I just saw the picture. It's like.
Baby Mate 2011. No. It's, you know. There's censorship going on. Censorship in the form of a washcloth. If you're going to do a picture of your kid in the tub, just go waist up on it. That's a pretty good deal. Some pasties. Some pasties. I don't need to see Miss February 2025. Cute little baby. Yeah, I mean, I have no problem. No problem with naked. Just not online. A lot of creeps out there, dude. A lot of creeps at the beach, too, my friends. A lot of creeps. But I'm supervising my child. I'm not supervising some creep on Facebook. They're supervising your child from their van parked up on the road. I don't know. Did you bring any weed? It might be a ham sandwich. Bring me a ham sandwich, just ham. It's in the Oscar Mayer yellow. Peel the back. Peel the back off, baby. What, you never made a ham sandwich? I'm trying so hard not to laugh. Stick it in the wonder. Stick it in the wonder and bring it over here. Don't get any gosh darn sand in it. Sand all over my course. Hey, and bring me a jar full of moonshine, too. Yeah, and get me, hey.
Baby, if you're bringing a ham sandwich, there's a jar of peanut butter in there. Bring it over here. Do we have one of those jars with the jelly and the peanut butter in one jar? Let's go, Goobers. We got any Goobers? Bring me some Goobers. I'll eat it with my fingers. Take them bitches off that baby. See, I have to stop. Oh, my gosh. Stop it. I have no problem with it, but I think I'll be a little bit hesitant. I'll look around a bit. Are there any creeps around here before I do this? Why does the baby have to run around and make it? Sometimes they run away. It feels real good. Once the baby can walk, they don't want to stay still when you're changing their diapers. Sometimes they get up and run, and you're like, ah, let me go. You walk around with a wet diaper all day. Move to Europe. It's sweet. Then you start feeding them wine when they're sick. That sounds real good, too. Yeah. Oh, boy. We're different. I'll remember not to go to the beach with you guys if you're going to be creeping on my child. No, we're not the creeps here. I don't care if we're in La Jolla. Get me that Budweiser. Apparently, 50 Cent likes to post pictures, too, of his dogs and cats. Wait till you hear...
what he named him. And I'll give you a trillion guesses. You're not going to get it. This is 50 Cent we're talking about. And also coming up, the real Reuben Hurricane Carter is going to be on the show when we come back. Yeah. I was located in Trenton State Prison in Trenton, New Jersey. Dylan, from his own volition, he wanted to do a concert in the prison where I was. Nuno Betancourt just sitting on that stool real good in black and white. Gary Cherone. Yeah, Gary Cherone. This was a big old hit back in the day. Might have written these words for a girl. I gave it to her in seventh grade. Is there anything you didn't do? Nope. Anything I can do to close business, I was doing. It's got a sweet French kiss out of it. You host me. You play the motorboat? Jay?
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. You motorboat son of a bitch. You old sailor. All right. She's still in the house. That's my favorite truck. Word of the day is hoop. When you hear me say the word hoop between now and 10 o'clock, call her number nine. We all of us choked. And you will get a four-pack of SeaWorld fun cards. It's okay, Mike. Don't worry. This is fun. It's okay. And a $50 gift card to Pro Flowers. Reuben Hurricane Carter will be on the show here coming up. Can't wait. It's going to be a good time. LLB. Mm-hmm. So 50 Cent. For real. What did he name his dog and his cat? You also, you post photos of your dog. Is that right? Yeah, yeah. I got a dog.
There's your dog right there. Yeah, there she go. That's my baby right there. What is the dog's name is? Her name is Oprah. Oprah. Okay. You named your dog Oprah. Now, what place was this coming from? Is this reverence for Oprah? Were you mad at Oprah? How do you name your dog Oprah? At first, I thought Oprah Winfrey didn't like hip-hop. Right. So I didn't like her. And I hadn't had a chance to meet her. You know, so I felt it was wrong to hate someone. You didn't like her because of it? Yes. So I bought the dog. So now I love her. Wait. What about your cat? She listened to me and everything. You won't believe it. That's a good way to start to really love someone is have a loved pet. Right. Same name. You have a cat? Yeah, Gail. Okay, let's talk about that. Your dog is Oprah. Your cat is Gail. Wow. I didn't know what to name a cat. You're going to get a goldfish named Stedman? Yeah. Wow. His dog and cat are Oprah and Gail. Genius. Weird. Just wouldn't have pictured that. Weirds me out. Wouldn't have pictured it at all. Reuben Hurricane Carter, ex-boxer who was wrongly convicted and sentenced to prison, and he was put in prison years ago.
Bob Dylan wrote a song that I'd never heard of until yesterday called Hurricane. I had never heard of it. This is the live version. Are there two? Are you playing two? Nope, that's why it's recorded. What? What? What? What? What? What, what? He was making fun of, doesn't like the live version. Yeah, the live version. I was? No, I was making fun of the fact that there were two playing at the same time. It wasn't. That was the one. That's the way them all getting their instruments going at the same time. That's why I say how bad it was. That sounds like garbage. Yeah. You can try to find a copy. Well, come on. I have one off iTunes. Jay's not going to spend the money on it. He's $1.29. He spent an hour and 29 minutes. And the truth comes out. And he found this. I don't like it. What are you talking about? I'm telling you, it's the studio version and the live version starting at the same time.
Absolutely. No, it's not. Are you sure that it's not two guitar players getting into a car accident? No. I think they're just syncing themselves up. Here we go, guys. No. Hey, I spent $1.29. I would know the studio version on the first note. That's it. Me too. I had to buy two pencils the other day. It was 48 cents. It's freaking wood and lead. $1.29? I can make one. I almost made Bob Dylan. I was really going to have Woods play it and sing it, but he wasn't in here. That's free, right? Oh, boy. I was going to make Bob Dylan out of sandalwood and make him perform and sing it. And if I didn't have sandalwood, I'd use soap. Because I ain't spending a dollar. I ain't spending a dollar. Not on that old hack. What I did was I took J.R. from engineering into a recording studio and I told him to sing like Bob Dylan. I told him to knock against some guitars and see what happens. Just see. Let's see if some magic happens. Let's get J.R. an iTunes card. Yeah. I told him I got to get him an iTunes card. Thanks, man. It just means he looked it up and he was like, oh, I'm going to find another version. I got to find another version. Not doing it.
We're doing Jay, the old man that does science today. I can't wait. Look at that setup, you guys. We've got a crazy setup. He never tells me what he's going to do. No, it's the best part. There's a microwave and an amp on top of each other. It's light bulbs. I'm going to do the thing they tell you not to do all your life with a microwave. I'm going to do it. Oh, my gosh. Jay. Jay. I'm going in the other room. I'm so nervous. We're going in the other room. You can't see it from the other room. You've got to stay in there. There's a window. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. Today, a radio station. Combusted. You'll be fine. Today in Mission Valley at the Booz Allen Hamilton building. It's so simple. A radio talk show. He's got guitar amp, and then he's using that, I guess, as a table. And he's got a microwave on top of that, and then he's got a vase full of water. Four glasses. Four pint glasses, and he's got protective goggles. And then some light bulbs. Light bulbs. It's pretty simple, actually, but it'll blow your mind. He scares me so bad. I genuinely get nervous. Oh, yeah. Electronics, water, all next to each other. Microwave. Microwave. I one time put a Chinese food container in, and it had the little metal bar on at the top of it, you know?
And it's very thin. And it was like... I was like, oh my God, oh my God. You know, eject real quick. Well, you notice I'm not using our good microwave. Yeah. I'm using our backup. Well, I did the same thing. I was trying to thaw out some bread. I put a loaf of bread in there and it had the twist tie, which has got metal inside of it. And it went... We need to isolate. Wow. Dude. I'm really nervous. I am too. Let's see. Should we talk about Woods for a day? Yes. So my friend CB is going to fill in for Woods when Woods is on maternity leave. Maternity leave, you clown. He did it on perfect. I know he did. My friend CB will fill in Monday and Friday. Okay. And then we need somebody Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. And so we are turning to you, the listener. Wow. That's right. So starting on Monday, we're going to allow you to start submitting video of yourself on our Facebook page doing sports and showing us what you got. Show me what you got, little mama. Does it make me nervous? Yeah, you nervous one. No. Why would I be nervous? You'll guarantee he'll be listening Tuesday morning. No. I'll be visiting my new son. That's right. I probably won't hear a second of you guys, man.
Sure. Kids diving headlong into this fatherhood thing. There you go. Ruben just canceled. Why? He's sick. I guess his health is declining. Oh. Well, I hope you feel better. It didn't sound good at all. Really? Yeah. Scary. Is it bad? I don't know. You never really say health is declining, is it? I mean, is that like a normal terminology? No. Hey, he's under the weather. Yeah. He's ill today. Health is declining means serious. He's in ICU or something. Hopefully they chose the wrong words and it just means he had a cold and it got worse. Yeah. Let's all hope and pray for that. That's a good call. I love it. No, I'm not nervous. I'm excited that a listener gets a chance to come in and sit in the big guy's chair. So what do they need to do exactly on Monday? They could start submitting the videos on Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. And what you should be doing is showing us what you got in terms of delivering sports and sounding upbeat. Here's what I don't want. I want somebody that's very real. You don't want a Woods imitator. No. I don't want a Woods imitator, but I also don't want somebody that's trying to be a yuck fest. Garrett Newsy. I don't want them to try to be funny and try to be a yuck fest. Do bits. If you're funny, that's fine, but I want it to be natural. I don't want it to be...
You know, something that you're forcing or that you're doing. That's the mistake people make. Yeah, for sure. Show us how much you know about sports. Just talk. Just talk. Just be yourself. Be normal. Because the person that's going to get in to come in and do this is going to be the person that has the most natural delivery and sounds the most natural and has a likability factor about them. Could be a guy or a girl, right? Guy. Let's be a guy? I don't know. That's kind of sexist, ladies. Yeah, I know. What if she's in sports? What if she's... Well, we've got a lot of estrogen happening already in the room. We don't want to drown Mikey out. What if she has a real nice rack? You two creeps. They want a dude. Look at these two girls. They want a dude. They want a dude. Yelp face. Oh, come on. He's like, you guys. You guys. I was trying to watch your back. Jay doesn't talk all the time. Mikey has a lot of female tendencies. Look at her smile. Look at her smile. And it's not just sports. We need a male's opinion. How about a black guy? Are we dummies? That would be good. We'll take any and all colors except females. No women. Yes.
If you have a piece, you can come. Yeah. But it should be nice. What we're saying is, what we're saying is, if you're a firefighter. In uniform. In uniform that knows a lot about sports. We pick you. If you're some sort of service type of profession, come in your uniform. Crazy whore. Your guys are creeps. No, we're looking out for you, Mike. Mike. You would be completely drowned out if it was just a hen fest in here. It would be like The View. We'd be like... Yes. Really? Yeah. The View. Yeah. It's true. It's so true. It would be. If you needed a news girl replacement. Yeah. You're looking at him. Well, that's different. Yeah. How come we didn't have to have a girl fill in and Woods did it? Santa's thinking. Santa's thinking. I'll do sports. No, we were going to and we were like. I'll do sports. There's no girl out there that could do what Santa does. Fine. So there's a guy out there that could do what I do. No, I'll do sports and news. And we'll find a news girl. No. We'll have a girl fill in for you. I'll do both. I will.
You know what? I think it's sexist. Yeah, it's very sexist. I think it's sexist. Oh, please. Oh, my gosh. I am so blown away by the sexism. Just trying to keep women down. Yeah, just trying to keep women down. Women have struggled in this country, dude. You know what? L.O.B. and Sienna. What? Contrary to what you sexist believe, women can actually do sports now. Yeah, I know. Okay? Women actually have the ability. Yeah, but they look like Erin Andrews so that you guys can look at her back. Yeah, exactly. Radio, you can't see the girl. Listen, had I not made these changes that I've made in my life, I may be sexist, but I'm not. Yeah, exactly. I am going to open this up to men and women. Okay, Mike. You guys, it's up to you. 100% chance it's going to be a male. You're the boss. That Mike chooses. Why? Because women can't do sports? Women can do sports. Women can do sports, but we already have two women on the show. What else can't women do? Be president of the United States? You know, women can actually have jobs now, you guys. How much time do we actually spend on sports a day? A few minutes? Exactly. I mean that because we need a male's perspective. Jay brought up a brilliant point. Thank you. Thank you. What was it?
The brilliant point was, why are we just keeping it? Well, we were trying to keep balance and harmony in here, but go ahead. If you want us all to be. No, no, no. If you girls want to be sex. If you girls want to hate women, that's right. What will probably happen is we'll probably all sync up on the same cycle. Yeah. And our male demographic loves watching the view in the morning. Yeah, they would love to just hear us be like, oh my gosh, I had a bar's car. I'm so smart. Your top is so cute. You know what? I just figured it out. I just figured out the solution to it. If we're trying to appeal to men, one thing we got to do, we got to get a cute girl in here. Absolutely. Stacked. Stacked. Show that on print over the air. Yeah, on the radio. Yeah, we'll just describe it all the time. You're right, L.O.B. She's also got to have a cute voice. Well, that's because you have big jugs. Yep. Sold. Cool. Yeah, you know, in my case, for...
For me, since I'm the one being replaced. You're not being replaced. Well, I'm being replaced. Let's call this what it is. It's a tryout. Let's call it what it is, you guys. It's a tryout. Let's call it what it is. What's the suggestion? It's a tryout. Let's call this what it is. A look into the future. Yes, exactly. Let's look at Mikey's show 2012. Guys, let's just call a spade a spade and call it what it is. All right? It's the future. It's the future of the Mikey Show. Drop that zero and get with the hero. It's insurance. All right? Let's just be honest. Let's just be honest. No one is better than Woods. J-I-C. J-I-C. It's J-I-C. It's J-I-C. It's J-I-C. And chances that if, let's say it's a dude and he comes in and he kills it and he's great, chances that I'm not going to get, maybe we just called Frank back. He was great. And then I'm like, oh, great.
What if it's a girl? That's fine, Mike. I'll just call the DS&C. DS&C. We claim that a girl is better at delivering sports than you. She probably is. She probably would be. How would you feel about that? That'd be fine with me. Women are just as equal as men. I look at women and I see equality. You don't see a pair of boobs either. No. We just see equality. We try to strive on this program towards fair and equal. I know you ladies think that the only people that can run a country, a company, or do sports are men, but not us. Us men, we feel like women can do just as good a job as men. It's almost like when I see a woman, I don't even see a woman. I just see a human. A human being. A homo sapien. A homo sapien? I finally couldn't take it anymore. And she threw a cup of water. Oh, my gosh. Holy cow. Wow. Third funniest thing I've ever heard. Third. One, two, three. Wow. There was water in there. It was just a dribble. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Paybacks are a mofo. Paybacks are a mofo.
That's all I see is a human being. A homo sapien. Tears in my eyes. If we had a camera in this studio, we would show that in slow motion 50,000 times. I had no idea. It would be square. It's a plastic red cup. I love you. If you find a girl out there that can do it. Then let's do it. And then we'll be pals with her. We'll go get a drink. Hey, Mike, you think these girls will be catty? No. You think they'll be catty? We'll be nice. You think they'll be catty? We'll be overly girly. This is what it would be like when the microphone's turned off. It's not like this. It would not. Sienna, do you want to go to the bathroom? Yeah, Lauren would be like, Sienna, do you have to go to the bathroom? Yes, I do. Sienna, do you have to pee? Yes, I do. Hey, Lauren, do you want to see this cute picture of Sage? Yes. No, Lauren, Lauren. No, Lauren, just Lauren. Yeah, how about this? Is somebody wearing really strong perfume? It smells like butt in here. It smells so weird. We need to have a show meeting, but just regular members.
No, it would be like this, Mike. You would be this silent, tiny little voice. And we would be like, I don't know. Would that happen? No. No. I wouldn't allow it. I wouldn't allow it. I wouldn't allow it. We would say, Mike, since you go get your nails done yesterday, we'd be like, yeah, how'd you know? Susie, did you know that Mike gets his nails done? Sienna. LB will call her fill-in. Sienna. What? Fill-in. Sienna, did you start wearing a different... Fill, for sure. Did you start wearing a different perfume? No, it's the same as always. Mmm. Something's so strong. Mike. You know, I smell that too. It's so different. Poop in their pants. That's what it smells like in here. Mike. Oh, I think it's the Susie's perfume. Did you get a candle? Mike, is that it? Oh, you found that poop-flavored candle that you were looking for. Did flowers spill in here? Did somebody spill flowers? Did somebody knock over a bong? It smells like a strip club in here. You guys, did a stripper come in here overnight and lay on everything? Because it smells like stripper and, like, I don't know, cigarette smoke. Did a stripper rub up against Woods' chair? It smells like stripper. The girl's just sitting here like, oh, my God. Hey, fill in.
You're lurking and there's important details that we need to get to. So we'll see you in the morning. I want to call her Phil for sure. Hey, Phil. Hey, Phil, since you're doing sports. Hey, Phil and your hairs are all over the place. Oh, Phil and we didn't tell you. We don't like. We don't like the smell of tea in the morning. We all drink coffee. So please get that tea out. No food or drink unless you're on the show. Here's what else it would sound like during break. It would sound like this. Oh, Chris, can you get breakfast? Can you get breakfast for us? Sienna, what do you want? I'd like a wheatgrass shot from Jamba Juice. Mike likes a wheatgrass too. And I'll take some oatmeal. And that's it. That's it? That's it. You don't need to pick up one other thing. Nothing else. Nothing else. We're fine. We're fine. Clearly, fill-in doesn't eat. Obviously, one of us has an eating disorder. Fill-in, she can make her own food. Oh, fill-in, we didn't tell you. We bring in a lot of food and stuff in a pinch.
We will use Chris to get us. We will use Chris. But that's a privilege, being a full-time guest. That's a privilege. Just so you know, Phil-In, every day you need to bring cupcakes. Phil-In, if you could just start the coffee. You could get in here at 3. Actually, Chris, take the day off. Phil-In, go get a smoke. Phil-In, answer the phone. Phil-In will go pee, and one of these two will come in here and go, oh my gosh, somebody just blew that cup. Oh my gosh. Was that Sienna? Was that you? No, that wasn't me. I wonder who was in there last. I was just in there putting on my lipstick and I heard fill in in the stall and it was like... Nobody else in the whole building is even here. It wasn't me. It wasn't Sienna. It was Phyllis. Phyllis walking in right at that moment. Mike, did you use the ladies room? Who could it be? Phyllis. So I bet everyone's real stoked to send in their YouTube videos. Yeah. Every girl right now is like, good luck, Phyllis. We'll call you Dr. Phil for sure. They're going to come in here and these girls are going to be peeing to mark their territory. There's everywhere. Phyllis chair. All right, we come back.
Dylan has to bring her own chair, stool. She can stand. Jay, the old man that does science, is going to do something when we come back. Oh, man. Oh, are those? Are those your regular shoes? Oh. You're just dressing comfy. Are you a nurse after this? We don't dress down. FYI. We don't dress down here. I saw that dress in Target when I was going to pick up toilet paper. Are those cubic zekomians in your ear? Girls that were catty. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Band Red was on Conan. two nights ago and is going to be on The Tonight Show. Think tonight. Huh? Good for them. Yeah, they're doing good. Yeah, they have the number two album right now on iTunes. It is a good one.
Sienna, what's going on news? Well, some breaking news right now. We all know about the crazy protests over in Egypt. And now it looks like President Hosni Mubarak is going to be addressing the protesters and responding to their demands. People actually think he's going to step down as president tonight, leaving the new vice president in command. The story is developing, so it should be happening as soon as tonight. So we will find out about that, which would stop all the protests over there. Also, the first time in six years, the last six years, the city has not been able to enforce ticketing to homelessness. people downtown San Diego. And apparently there's as many as a thousand homeless people sleeping on the streets downtown at night. And as of yesterday, under a new settlement, they announced that they're going to be able to ticket a homeless person if they are sleeping on the street between 9 p.m. and 5.30 a.m. if there's a shelter bed available because they've been working on shelters and getting homeless people off the street, getting their carts, everything off the street. Because if there's a thousand people, I mean, that's a lot of homeless on the street and they need to do something about it. Yeah. It started yesterday. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, the Super Bowl is over for most people. It's not over for Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys since they are now being sued by the displaced people that didn't have seats. They had tickets to the Super Bowl. They were scanned in, moved to an area of the stadium that was referred to as District 9. They were just all kind of by themselves. And they've offered them a few things. They've offered them.
Hey, we'll give you tickets to next year's Super Bowl, which is pretty cool, but what if your team's not in it? Yeah. We'll give you three times the value of the ticket. Didn't want it. We had to pay for airfare, hotel. Okay, we'll put you up in airfare and hotel. Not good enough. They're suing now Jerry Jones, the Dallas Cowboys, and the NFL. Whoa. Wow. It's going to be a lot. Whoa. Dallas may never see another Super Bowl. That billion-dollar stadium could be the first and the last. Wow. Can you believe it? And you know, next year it's in Indianapolis. Yeah. How about Miami? Yeah. How about San Diego? How about San Diego? Oh, you guys were all on board for Giant Stadium. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I wasn't. I was never on board for Giant Stadium. You were. And I'm not really on board for Qualcomm. Because it's a toilet. Yeah. It's a toilet. I think we need to build them a new stadium. We have a bunch of Super Bowls here. And there's big news out of Cincinnati, too. I've told you guys about Carson Palmer. He's demanded a trade from the Bengals. He's got a few years left on his deal. And basically, he said, hey, I'm playing hardball. I'm out. He has put his home on the market and is leaving Cincinnati. Wow. And is not coming back, says his agent. Oh, wow. So he's either going to retire or play for the Bengals. And it doesn't look like he'll be playing for the Bengals. In just a minute, we're going to do Jay, the old man that does science. He's got his jacket on. I got my jacket on.
But right now, Woods, let EBW in. I want to talk to EBW. She's going to make her announcement. Why does she knock? I don't know. Come in. Hey. What's going on? I thought maybe since you couldn't have Ruben Carter in, I could come in and do a hurricane, or do you not? You're going to try to play it? I think I can do it. All right, let's hear it. EBW. Wow. What happened to your voice? Here comes the story of EBW. I was just trying to put an ad effect on my voice. Wow. Yeah, I heard that. I heard that. You like it? No. Like is a relative term. Yeah. I loved it. Like a splinter, maybe. EVW, are you excited at the notion that there may be TV crews covering you today? I am so nervous. You guys are talking about the protests in Egypt. I feel like this could be the next big thing for the U.S. It could be. It could be.
As you know, the Mount Soledad Cross has been a subject of controversy because people want to tear it down. A lot of people want to keep it up. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. And so Eskimo Blue Water is taking a stance. Some may say she's exploited the opportunity, but what she's going to do is. Who would say that? What she's going to do. Yeah, who would say that? Who knows? You're going to go up to the cross today. It's been press released. Oh, yeah. And you're asking M1s to come up and check you out. Yes, if they could. This is a protest, so all the support that I could have would be great. I'm chaining myself, my soul, all that I stand for. Yes. For the cause. And the least that you could do would be to show up. Yes. It's a peaceful protest. Yes. It's peaceful. I'll have my guitar. Yes. I'll be in chains. Yeah. I'm not going anywhere until they don't take that cross down. Should they make signs? Should they bring signs with them? They can bring signs. Oh, yeah. Don't take that. She'll stay until they don't take that cross down. Don't not take that cross down. Don't not. Don't. Don't not take that cross down. Yeah. Yes. There we go. Don't not take that. It gets confusing, I know. Kind of a hard chant, too. Don't not take that cross down. Don't not take that cross down. Don't not take that cross down. Don't not. All right.
No, we were still going. So, Eskimo, what time will you be there? I will be there at 11 a.m. 11 a.m. On the dot. All right, 11 a.m. And that's the time that the press release has said for news crews to arrive. KGTV says that they will most likely be there. NBC 739 has said that they will most likely be there. And anybody else that is... What are you doing? What's the matter? What? What is that noise that you're doing? Oh, that's involuntary. Sometimes I get a tick when I'm nervous. Just keep going. Strange. Strange. My one. Everything I just got. How are you going to be able to be in front of the cameras? I have some herbal remedies. I would take that. Hey, don't freak out. Just know that there's going to be probably millions of people. Oh, boy. I'm going to be fine. Are you? Hey, Eskimo.
Hey, Mike. There's nothing to freak out. Calm down. It's going to be okay. We'll be there to support you. Sienna lives in La Loya. She'll be there. I'll be there. We're just going to be there. Be there. Okay. Do you have your inhaler? Do you have your inhaler? Mike. I'm just saying. It's a THC inhaler. I bet it is. It is. It's not super stupid as sports-induced as well. That's Eskimo Blue Waters, ladies and gentlemen, and she will be up at the Mount Soledad Cross today. And I don't want to bring up my Twitter site, which would be Twitter slash official EVW. Why would you say I don't want to bring up and then bring it up? Because everyone thinks I'm going to talk about that or my Facebook, Facebook.com slash Eskimo Blue. Or even my new website, EskimoBlueWaters.com. We have a new website. Blowing up. I do. Do you really have a new website? Yeah. I pulled some strings with the design guy. Jared? With the design guy? Maybe. www.eskimobluewaters.com. No way.
Oh, my God. Oh, holy my gosh. That's a really nice website. My dad may or may not have helped fund that. Do it. It is on alone, strictly alone. You're going to pay him back. But I'm not going to talk about that. Interesting. We're going to talk about the cross. Really, the only thing clickable here is to book you. Yeah. No, there's Facebook. Yeah, there's my Facebook, my Twitter, my blog. This is completely self-serving, Eskimo. No, if you look, there's a small. Icon in the top left that says the Mikey show. It's so tiny. It's just this little tiny. We had to put it in blue so that it would blend with the rest of the page. Did you see what it says above her name? The amazing Eskimo blue one. That was ad-libbed by the designer himself. I didn't even ask for that. The incredible was taken. Here, let me read to you what it says. Yes. Judy Taylor Douche, well, it's actually Judy Taylor Douche, and then it says in parentheses, pronounced Douche. Douche, of course. Is better known as Eskimo Blue Waters to many San Diego. Wow. She's an aspiring singer-songwriter who can be heard regularly on the Mikey Show. Oh, my God. On FM 94.9.
Originally from La Jolla, EBW says she now, quote, lives anywhere I can park my staying, dude. Oh, my gosh. Some of Eskimo's, quote, original songs include. Why did he put the quotes around that? Include, I was made for you, bluffing face, and you got me, babe. In addition to her career as a singer-songwriter, she's also dabbled in photography, modeling, graphic design, palm reading, yodeling, rock opera, which is rock opera, ventriloquism, ice cream making, producing, comedy, and various entrepreneurial efforts. You may have seen EBW at such gigs as Grocery Baggers Union Meeting Troops. Grocery baggers union meeting. Troop 11's Pinewood Derby. Or Pepe's taco cart. Not even a shop. He's a good dude. EBW would eventually like a website. But for now, she can send you a fax of a handwritten press kit. I need to be edited.
Autograph Polaroids are also available if you send a S-A-S-E. Self-addressed stamped envelope. Not made of money. Live out of a car. Anyway, it's not about that. It's really about Mount Soledad and everything that it means to this community. 11 a.m. You're a genius. We'll be there. We'll be there. I'll be there. Oh, my gosh. 11 a.m. So does my head. Thank you. You'll be there. I will not. I'll be at a therapist session. Oh, cool. Thank you, Eskimo. You're really something else. 11 a.m. Thank you. Yeah. Holy cow. Wow. I'm lightheaded. Wow. That nervous tick is not going to do her well on TV. Oh, my gosh. If they talk to her. I know it. It sounded like that really, really got to her. She said millions of people and she blew a gasket. I wonder how she'll do in front of the camera. I don't know. That is fantastic. Alright, you ready for hidden audio? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You gotta tell me what it is. I have purposely not listened. The other morning, I overheard something that Woods was doing and
I didn't get my recorder out in time. And so all week I've been hoping he would do it again. And today he did. Oh, today? It was this morning. You ready? You have any idea? I have no idea. You ready? No? Thank you for these. Mm-hmm. Are you going to go read your stories? Yeah. Do you have Jay's email? I've got Jay's email. Record it to me. I get up and leave right now. Oh, my God. No, no, no. Holy cow. No, no, no. Quiet. He keeps going. Camel of a hill. Wait, wait. Just keep listening. Touch my body.
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Wow. And I'll let you explain. Can I explain myself? Our studio is like the studio we're in right now, and then there's a room that Jay's in, and then there's Mikey's office, and I go in Mikey's office and close the door to read my news stories. You're dead, by the way. Why? Dude, you sing that? You think I'm not going to sing or do? Constantly he sings. You can get my wife on the phone. She'll tell you. That's all I sing when I'm at home. I know that you've been waiting for me. I hear you sing it all the time.
Jay, I need you to start to edit it so that it's just him singing. Okay. So you got to take out all the talk and everything beforehand. Please no. So that I can just hear the singing. Please no. Thank you for these. I have not listened. I can't listen. You want to read your stories? Yeah. Do you have Jason? It kind of sounded like a creep. I've got Jason. Yeah. Am I a creep? I think I'm just a creep. You're tired. Yeah. Here we go. It was 4.15. I've been waiting for you. I'm waiting for you. I've been waiting for you. I've been waiting for you. I've been waiting for you. I've been waiting for you. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This isn't happening. You do it to yourself. Please delete that.
Never. I am more to feel my chest than ever. When Woods is nervous, he shakes his hand, he turns it around, and he pulls it over his face. Oh, he's sweaty. He's sweaty. Nothing in my face. Nothing in my face. Nothing in my face. Nothing in my face. Nothing in my face. Nothing in my face. I just want to make you feel like you never did. You're reaching deep down. Wow. You're trying to find that place deep down where you can just belt it all the time at my house. All the time. It's been in my head for three months. Wow. Oh, yeah. I do. My wife is like, oh, yeah, I've heard the exact version that you just heard. That's what she hears when I'm working at home and she's like doing paperwork. That's what she hears. She's like, will you please shut up? Wow. See, I'll randomly break into a touch my body, but I will not do the whole thing. You don't do the whole thing. Asbestos flagon and the whole thing.
Am I pouring? You can see sweat coming through my t-shirt. That's great. Sorry, it's okay. That's my buddy. Are you kidding me too? You listen to how creepy he said that at the beginning. I need to read your story. I need to read your story. Listen, it's very creepy. Thank you for this. Are you both going to touch the paper? Are you going to go read your story? Uh, yeah. See, okay, now in my defense, this actually holds some nice precedent because in your defense, you're on Viagra. In my defense, I have a mustache, but I drive an IROC, but it's no big deal. I have a leather jacket, okay? In my defense, I'm dressed like the lead singer of Judas Priest. In my defense, I look like Ron Johnson, audio consultant from Fast Times and Rich Bad High. But that's how I talk, apparently. Apparently, I'm a talk like a creep. I even like your fingers. And Sienna is like my little sister. So obviously I'm not creeping on her. You talk like that to women. Are they built for speed or for comfort? Dear husband. I know she has a husband. He's a friend of mine. Ever been motorboated? Oh my God. What do you do with that paper?
I would never creep on Santa. I'm not creepy. These are my co-workers. That sweater is so tight. Make your boobs look bad. Turn it around. You can't do it. You cannot. Stop it. You're going to read your story. You're breaking the code. It's a different thing. I'm going to get Heath Bell on the phone right now. It's a different thing. I'm getting Heath Bell on the phone. It's the same thing. It's different. You can't.
Give me the poem. It's a different creepy poem. Give me the poem. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Oh, no. Oh, yes. This is a new thing. It's a new thing. It's a new thing. It's a new thing. It's a new thing. It's a personal thing. Chris, right? Even Chris is saying this is a new story. No, you can't do it. 100 bucks. 100 bucks. We have bugs. Not allowed. Not allowed. Not allowed. Not allowed. He turned off his mic. He turned me down. Yeah, he did. We have a deal right now that we can't bring up certain things until after Thanksgiving. Yep. Because that was, you know, the season it came out. That was a deal we made. And we can't bring it up. That's true. And it's embarrassing to Woods. And so we made an agreement. Yeah. We will not bring it up. But this is different. But if we do it differently, like, for instance, if I played the. For instance, if you do this. Thank you for these. Mm-hmm. You're going to go read your stories? I didn't even realize what a creep you are. What if I sang that poem you wrote if I sang it and didn't read it? We did do that. It sounds like when you asked her that, you were looking at her feet. It does. Hey, I'll admit it. I'm the one that brought it up. I sound like a creep. Chances that that gets isolated then.
You're going to read me. Oh, I'm definitely, I've already made notes. What's up in news? Are you going to read your stories? Every day for the rest of my career. Don't. Oh, my God. You want my highlighter? Do you have any hand lotion? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You're going to use your hands. It smells so good. It smells so pretty. Is it weird if I sniff your hair? Woods, I know you don't mean to be creepy. I didn't even notice it. Is it weird if I save these stories? Can I just rub your feet? We need a break. He tries. That's too bad. Oh, boy. That's too bad. Oh, boy. Well, I could have missed you. I love you, Woods. Sorry. Welcome back to the roast, my friend. Oh, I know. It's been a while. Feels good to be back. Oh, my God.
Gosh, my head hurts. This text says, OMG, you can hear me and my one other co-worker in my department that listens just cracking up across the area. That was the best. You have to play that again. OMG, please play it again. Come on. You're okay. It's M1 Night Scream. Podcasts are real good. This text says, in all caps with three exclamation points, never delete that. This text says, Mikey, I'm at work and sick as you all know what. And I'm laughing so hard from this EBW bit when she's nervous that I blew snot all over the counter. Customers looked at me like I'm completely insane. Think that guy's ever had a naked model in his bed? Who was he?
Tonight's 8 o'clock album, Beck. Garrett. I thought it was Beck. Midnight Vultures is the name of the Beck album. Garrett. It's Beck. Garrett. Beck. Garrett. Beck. Beck. Beck. Beck. Beck. Beck. Beck. Beck. Beck. Beck. Beck. All right, are you guys ready for our old man Jay? Let's do this. Come on. Taking my spot. Old man Jay, the old man that does science. He came up with that name. We gave him all these choices. All right. Okay, wait, wait, wait. All right, got this mic on now. I always have to switch mics. Okay, so Jay is filling a pint glass. Okay, let me describe what we got here. We have a microwave oven. We have Jay holding a vase that you would put flowers in. It's filled with water. Just water, straight water. Sienna and L.O.B. are off to the side, sitting in chairs, watching like they're at a circus. It's going to be better if you come from over here because you've got to be able to see the face of the microwave. All right, so they're going to move behind me.
All right. Now he is filling a pint glass full of, well, about one third of water in each pint glass. And there are colored light bulbs in front of each glass. So a blue light bulb, a red light bulb, a green light bulb and a white light bulb. He is now taking. Oh, my gosh. He is now taking the light bulbs and dropping them into the water. Kids should not do this at home. Do not do this at home. If kids should not do this at home, why are we doing it here? Because I'm not a kid. All right. He is putting all the glasses in? Oh, gosh, Jay. You freak me out, bro. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Jay, do you know it's safe? We'll see. My God! Are you ready? What are you going to punch on the microwave? About a minute. Put a minute on the microwave. About a minute. Oh, gosh. Very scientific. Have you tried it yet? I guess we'll find out, won't we? I'm not, like, the look on my face is not a joke. Like, I'm seriously freaked out. I know, I know. It's good. It's good to be freaked out. He's wearing a white lab coat. All right. He's putting on safety goggles. Here we go. Yes. It's on. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow. It's lighting up. Those bulbs are lighting up. Oh, my God. Chris, be careful. Be careful, Chris. Oh, my gosh, that's weird.
Oh, dude, that's so weird. Is it going to explode? Is it going to explode? Okay, stop it. Stop it. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Well done. I thought they were shooting out of there. It scares me so bad. In this case, I had to put out a fire. Oh. Really? The light bulbs lit up in the microwave each one at a time. That was cool. It was like a Christmas tree in the microwave. It was scary as I would go. I don't know. It was like a cop car. I haven't seen one in seven years. It scared me so bad. Oh my gosh. Good job, Jay. That was a cool one. I pictured it blowing up and shards of glass flying in the eyes. They would blow up, but the water covers the metal on the bottom of the light bulb. Because otherwise the metal sparks. So you put it underwater and it keeps the metal from doing it. And the heat lights the...
It's not the heat. That's what I meant. It's radioactive waves kind of bouncing off. It's the waves. I want to do that at my house to show how cool it is, but I don't trust myself. I don't either. I feel like something's wrong with my brain now. Me too. Listen to this text. Mikey, my husband did an allergy test, found out he's allergic to dogs. Now he wants to get rid of our lab. I love our dog. Is this fair? I want tears. Is it fair of you to keep the dog? No. Absolutely it's fair to keep the dog. Your husband's dealt for this long. You're a monster. He just found out on a test. You're a monster. If it was that bad, he would have known. You're a monster if you get rid of that dog. Mikey, as far as it don't even start, don't even start. Over your husband. It's their dog. It's not over. Mike, didn't you say you're allergic to cats? Yeah. But you have a cat. I think I'm allergic. You're not. I've never gotten. Exactly. Because allergies are a fake bit. But if I got tested, if I got tested and I was allergic to cats, my wife wouldn't get rid of it. No, you would take a pill. You take a pill or a shot. I do take a pill. I do. If he had to take an allergy test, it must not be that bad. He'd know if it was that bad if he was allergic to that dog. Excuse me. Guy had to go get an allergy test. It had to have been bad. I don't feel good. I think it's the dog. It could be wheat.
Or it could be the dog. I'm not sure. You are sure. It's the dog. Get rid of the dog. I don't like it. That's your family member. He's a family member, pal. He's included in Christmas cards. Yeah. Yeah. He's allergic to the dog. Take a pill, Sally. Really? Take a shot. Go get a shot. What if you're allergic to the diapers your child has to wear? We change the diapers. I think he is. What if you're allergic to baby skin? Can't do anything about it. It's your child. You give the child away. No, it's a human being. It's not a dog. The dog's now part of the family, though. You give the dog to another loving family. The dog's name is your last name. Yes. Your cat's name is Jules Esparza. Did you know that? I did not know that. It is Jules Esparza. The vet will say, oh, Jules Esparza. Jules Esparza. Jules Esparza. True story. Oh, wow. You cannot. Take a pill. Take a shot. I do. I had surgery. I had surgery because of the cat. And you still have the cat. Yeah, we sure do. Because it's a member of the family. And how do you feel? I'm the only one that pets it. I know it's that cat. You know what I mean? Of course I know.
Oh, man. What'd you do, Woods? What do you think I would do? What would you do? If Jamie was allergic to the dogs, I'd make Jamie get a shot, and Jamie would get a shot. What if the shot didn't work? I'd take Claritin. But what if everything she did didn't work? I'd deal with it. But what about her? She would deal with it. She would deal with it. What if she was really in? My wife wouldn't give our dogs away for millions of dollars. Millions of dollars. Millions. Mikey Show. Is this Jules? Jules. Jules is your cat? Yeah, that's our cat. Hey, Jules. Hi, Jules. Oh, wow, you sound sad. What's the matter? Are you sad, Jules? No, that's the way I talk. Oh, no. Talk like me. What's the matter? You sound sadder than normal. Yeah. Well, maybe you play with me or only. I thought Mikey pet you. Yeah, that's what I mean. That'd be a hard time understanding you, Jules. That's what I mean. I'm like 140. Maybe you're allergic to yourself. Maybe I'm allergic to... Yeah. Yeah, a lot of animals, you know, domestic animals, that's all they really want is your attention and your love. You know what I did yesterday? What? A star. Mikey's nanny. Nice. That's all. You know what I did before that? What? What? I don't know. Aw. Sounds pretty good. Are they petting you or do they just walk by you? Yeah, they just walk by me. Yeah. What about the boys? Do the boys play with you?
You're a really good cat. I've seen them grab you pretty hard and you don't really react. Not really. You'd rather have pain. Not that great. Not even me. No. You know, it's great. Oh, man. I didn't notice me. Sounds real good. Do you ever go outside? Yeah, sometimes. So the people will try to find you? Yeah, so they come looking for me and they don't. Oh, no. You ever try to, like, go up in a tree or anything? Oh, God. I'm sorry that you're declawed. It's okay. They need to be declawed with little kids around. No, they don't. I can't cancel laws when they scratch you. Were you tearing up the furniture or something? Weird. That used to be you, huh? Yeah, it used to be me. She used to love me. What'd you do wrong? I'll tell you what I did wrong.
I allowed a chubby Mexican to make my mom have a baby, and then I just kind of went by the wayside. I used to have a sister. I had an obese sister named Ginger, and then she passed on. Then it was me and this other one. Where did he go? He escaped. He escaped from the asylum. He escaped. Back to Paris. Have you ever tried to leave, or are you scared? He's here. Yeah, is he back in Paris or is he there? Meow. Who's this? The old, he who shall not be known for names, right? Wait, what are you calling? Why do you speak like that? A spy? Yep. You're a cat. He's undercover. Hang on, hang on. Someone walks by? Meow, meow, meow. It's not that convincing of a meow. Why are you whispering?
Do you have a new undercover name? I still go meow. Get in line. You're not going to kill Mikey. I will try. Get in line. Okay, go ahead. At least you have a brother. That's right there. Great. Because I didn't know. Trying to kill everybody. Oh, no. But at least you guys are cats together. You have like an allegiance. Oh, yeah. That's awesome. You know what I'll do today? What? Poo. Sounds like not a bad day. Not a bad life. Great. Step all over your poo. Poo in a box. All over sand. Trick. All over sand. Step on it. Meow. Meow. Wow. Oh, bravo. Crazy cats. Oh, wow. Look at this.
We got a lot of people calling in about the whole allergy thing. Isn't that weird? And one Julia from San Diego. Your husband's a vet? Yeah, we have a cat and a dog at home, and he's a veterinarian, so he works with them all day, every day. And he's allergic to all of them. Wow. That guy deals with it, doesn't he? Yeah, he does. He loves them. Exactly. How does he deal with it? He has a pee-pee, doesn't he? Oh, wow. How does he deal with it? He takes probably three allergy medications every morning. Good for him. Happy birthday. Yeah, but he works with a ton of animals. This guy has one lab that he's crying about. Thank you for the call, Julie. I appreciate it. M1 Brian from La Mesa has got a great question. Go ahead, Brian. Yeah, I just wanted to know. I agree with Woods and Jay about, you know, your partner can always get a shot or take a pill and deal with it. But Woods, what happens if you were to bring home that new child of yours? And all of a sudden turns out she's allergic to your dog. Then what? I will take care of it. I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Let me get the kid first. Then we'll start firing questions at the kid. You know what I mean? I don't want to jinx anything. So let me get him in my arms. What would you do? I don't know. You would find someone who could take care of them that you love? No, I would not. You would? Really? Dude, I don't know what I would do.
Our dogs are non, they're not hypoallergenic, but my mom's, quote, allergic to dogs can be with my dogs all day. You're thinking I'm believable, puppy. Oh, gosh. No, I said I wouldn't. Mikey said. You're already planning to get here. I am not, Beans. I'm not. He said he didn't know what he would do. I said I don't know what I'd do, but I know what I wouldn't do. You should have said you don't know what you would do, puppy. You should say, I tell you what will happen. We sent the baby back. I'm not sending the baby back. You are not going to get rid of me, Poppy. Beansy, I wouldn't trade you for anything in the whole world. He doesn't have a plan. You know how much I love you. I don't have a plan. Why did you not answer right away and say that you would never get rid of me? I never would get rid of you, ever, for anything. Why do you hate me? I don't. You do not. Beansy, you are. You know you're one of my favorites. You're acting different. No, I'm. You're acting different. We're a little stressed in the house. You don't pay the same. I promise I will soon. I'm so sorry. You're acting like we're not even friends. I have to do a lot of paperwork and stuff. Remember we used to watch the games on your computer? Yes, I remember. Remember every once in a while, you would come home, Vinzy would jump in your arms. Do you know what Vinzy does now? Yeah, he does. Every day. He sure does. That's true. That is true.
I know, and I will give you some. Let me get my paperwork done. No, please don't pee in the house again. Please don't pee in the house anymore. No, I don't know what we would do. I know we wouldn't get rid of our dog, so I know that. Move him in a different room or something? We'll figure something out. Shave him down? Yeah, shave him down. Do something. And one blue is on the I-5. Go ahead, blue. King Mikey's absolutely right. What? Sorry. King Mikey. I've never been referring to him. Haven't you? Don't you require us to call you that? Off the air. Off the air. You're not.
You're a dog person right now, Whitby, but once you have your kid, you're going to end up, if that unfortunately happens, and I hope it doesn't, you're going to find a loving home for those dogs. Zero percent. I'm telling you. Zero percent. I would have done anything for Zipper, and I still will, but if Sage was allergic, Zipper would be going to someone that would take her that I know and love. You have one. I have five. So nobody's going to take five dogs. I'll figure it out. I'll build them their own room if I have to. Jay will build them a room. I'll pay for it. Yeah, there you go. I hope it never happens. I would do anything to keep the whole family together. Michael Vick's looking to adopt a dog. Okay, we will be back right after this. Eskimo Blue Waters will be chaining herself today at Mount Soledad because she does not want the cross taken down. I saw her making a sign out in the lobby. What did it say? It said EskimoBlueWaters.com is not against not taking down my cross. It's very much confusing. Whatever that means. Whatever that means. It's a little conflict. She's out there like drawing like it's a shovel just with crayons. Well, she's going to be on the news. Let's see. Sienna, what's going on in the news?
Well, you guys, I don't know how you're going to feel about this. New York City prostitutes are now selling themselves on Facebook. Oh, boy. About time. Well, after the classifieds website on Craigslist was shut down, you know, Facebook is now the big seller for prostitutes. 83% have a Facebook page. Yeah. Also, a new study has found that. Possible increased stroke risk from diet soda. So if you're drinking diet soda, they found that you had a 48% higher risk of a stroke or a heart attack than people who don't drink soda of any kind. And another quick story. If you were watching the Super Bowl closely and you saw during the game that Alex Rodriguez was sitting with Cameron Diaz in a box, Cameron Diaz fed A-Rod popcorn into his mouth. Did you see that? Yes. Well, A-Rod is upset about it. He's upset about the video. I don't know. He's a freaking little kid. I look like a baby. He's such a deuce. They don't really come out with their relationship. They've been spotted together, but that's very... You're in a relationship. You don't come out...
with your relationship, but let's go to the Super Bowl. Well, no, they go places, but they don't talk about it. Neither of them talk about it. You see inside the relationship when you see her feeding him. He's on my favorite team, and I can't stand his face. When he gets hit, I'm like, better have gotten hit. Oh, my gosh. Seriously. Make enough money. Oh, wow. You're passionate about it. He's such a douche. Better have gotten hit. All that's going on in sports right now is hoop. College Hoops. It's pretty boring. It's the dead time. Well, there's a game tonight at Viejas at 730. San Diego State is taking on Utah. Is that a question? I'm Ron Burgundy. Okay. Zach Galifianakis did Between Two Ferns with Tila Tequila. Oh, wow. She's still around? And Jennifer Aniston together. No. Oh, man.
I'm so sorry, John. Please welcome my next guest, Jennifer Aniston. Hi. How are you? So welcome, Jennifer. Thanks. Happy to be here. Tell Jennifer a little bit about yourself. Oh, well, I sing and... I did reality shows. Actually, I had my own reality show. You had a reality show? Yeah. What she would do is she'd have a lot of people to fight over her to, like, maybe get in bed with her. How did that go? Sound familiar, Jennifer? Sorry? Oh, my God. He's so brilliant. So you're a Greek? Mm-hmm. And I'm Greek. I know. And you changed your last name for show business. But you kept it. You were committed to it. No, my name is shortened. It was? It's Galifianakisburg. Oh, wow. Galifianakisburg. That's another level. Sound familiar, Jennifer? Yeah. That's another level. Yeah. That's another level.
The Friends music in the cheap. She's been in so many things. I have to hear just that part again. Please welcome my next guest, Jennifer Aniston. How are you? Believable. So welcome, Jennifer. Thanks. Happy to be here. Tell Jennifer a little bit about yourself. Oh, well, I sang and I did reality shows. Actually, I had my own reality show. You had a reality show? Yeah. What she would do is she'd have a lot of people to fight over her to, like, maybe get in bed with her. How did that go? Sound familiar, Jennifer? I'm sorry? Sorry. You're Greek. I'm Greek. I know. And you changed your last name for show business. But you kept it. You were committed to it. No, my name is shortened. It was? It's Galifianakisburg. Oh, wow. Oh, boy. Those two girls just together in the same room is brilliant. It's all, like, it's all very serene. Very nail-biting. It's like you go to a lunch table and there's brisket and Chinese food in your life.
This is weird. There's so much I want to know about what happens behind the scenes. If he tells him, just go with whatever I say. Just do whatever I say. Sound familiar, Jennifer? How does he not laugh? I'm sorry. M1 Frankie from Encinitas, what was the word of the day? Hoop, buddy. Hoop. Hoop. There it is. Hoop-a-loop. Was hoop. Thank you so much, guys. Love you guys big time. Thank you, bro. You got a four-pack of SeaWorld fun cards and a $50 gift certificate at theproflowers.com. Hang on the line, please. My wife, thanks big time. You got it. I saw that show. I don't even know what it's called. It's a show where they have 19 kids. 19 kids and counting. Oh, wow. Wow, Sienna. I'm very familiar. It's really controversial because people think that that's too many kids. That's a lot. Weird. Of course it's too many kids. Well, dude, I was okay. So they have like a cafeteria table and they have a Coke machine with fountain drinks. What? Yeah.
They have that many kids. I don't know if it would be fountain drinks. They're very healthy. Well, maybe it's juice or something. But it's like you press the cup up against the deal and ice comes out. It's like a cafeteria juice machine. Yeah, it makes sense. Because you've got that many kids. But, you know, so I'm thinking about it. I'm like, I said, I don't watch it. Rebecca's watching it. I go, are they all jacked up? She goes, they're pretty well adjusted. She goes, there's probably a lot of kids that are like more jacked up, you know, that are jacked up. than the 19 kids. They're very polite. They're very responsible. They love each other. I mean, it's... Are they biological or adopted? Yeah, all biological. She had all 19 kids, naturally. They've been married, what, 70 years? 70? She just... I mean, it's the one after the next. Like, every nine months, new babies are coming out. Anybody twins? Any twins? I think there's one set of twins. Holy... Do they not believe in birth control? Is that their bit? They don't, no.
They do not. When the show first came out, they were wearing like Amish type clothing. And they built the house they live in. The whole family built it. It took years. And now, you know, after the show, they're dressing more normal. And, you know, they get to do more fun things now. But when the show first came out, it was so weird. But they all really love each other and are so polite. Wear and tear on your body. Yeah, what's the mom look like? She doesn't look bad at all. Nice Bieber. I mean. Jay. Jay! Wow. The part that really gets me is... Whoa! My head just exploded.
We need to play this audio of the introduction. That was too far. No. I'll schedule time after the show. We have to play audio of the introduction of the show because all the kids' names start with a J. And it goes, yes, hi, and it's the mom. I do have 19 kids and I had them all naturally or whatever. There's Jana, Josiah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And she lists all of them. Yep, you're right. That equals up to 19. Maki, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Timmy, Tommy, Joey, Robbie, Davey, and Brian. Ow! Honey, one more, one more. You can do it. Push, push. That's unbelievable. Wait, wait, wait. Holy smoke. Just incredible. Do they have a bus? Nine minivans? They have to have a bus. That's a good idea. I haven't seen a bus, but I've seen, you know, they have Suburbans, stuff like that. Twelve Suburbans?
Their house is cool. They have like 10 washing machines and like 10 dryers. Is there something wrong with it? I don't think so. I knew a family when I was growing up that had 13 kids. Wow. That's how many my grandparents had. Yeah. My grandma. My mom has 12 brothers and sisters. It used to be kind of the norm. Yeah. And they were really, really polite kids. They were very supportive of each other. And as long as it's obviously to a loving home, unless she was milking the system and trying to get like... welfare checks out of it or whatever and not being neglectful. My mom says that her mom used to tell her how filthy sex was and how awful it was. My mom one day said to her, but you have 13 kids. She got real mad at my mom. She didn't say touche. It's like, I think you might like sex. I think you kind of enjoy it. It feels real good. I would have had more kids if I could afford it. Kids are not cheap. They're not cheap. You would have to. Oh, Kim wanted more. We quit because we had kids young and we were like, okay, we're going to make it through. And then we got to the other side where we're actually making money. Jay makes me think that there are some people who are just like wired for kids. And I don't think I am. I am. Woods is. He loves.
kids it isn't that i don't love kids because i love my boys you know i got three of them but i am done like i i i would get the snip today you guys need to have a girl you need a girl stop you need to give rebecca that's what she wants not If that's what she really wants, then you really should give it to her. You should give it to her. If that's what she wants. And she does. She wants one really. If that's what she wants. How dare you. Jamie and I are going to have a boy, so that doesn't really help. Because you figure if I was having a girl, she'd get some time. She buys a lot of cute things for Sage. Yeah, she's good. She'd be really good with a girl. I saw her with Sage. She's just like a natural. She's like a natural. Maybe we just have a Romanian move in. We just get, you know, Mexican nanny, Romanian nanny, Hungarian nanny. Your girl baby would probably help out, you know. You should have one. They need a sister. They need to know how to relate to women. You guys are just a little bit incomplete without the girl. You know, it's a complete family, but really you need the girl. Because that's what Rebecca wants. They did this to me at the Super Bowl party. I know, I'm sure. It was not.
Funny. He doesn't like it, but, you know. Can I read you guys the 19 kids' names? Yes. Yeah. They all start with J. Joshua, Jana, John, Jill, Jessa, Ginger, Joseph, Josiah, Joanna, Jedediah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Hannah, Jennifer, Jordan, Grace, Josie. Again. I'm just kidding. Okay. Oh, my. I asked my dad because they had 11 kids in their family. I was like, how'd you go places? Yeah. And they would just. The cars were not safe back then. There's these long wagons and y'all just piled in. You had to take turns riding on the hump. Yeah, man. I mean, back in the day, we used to ride in the back of trucks like it was nothing. No big deal. I used to ride in the... My mom had a Cutlass. I'd ride in that back window. Oh, me too. Laying up in the window. That was fun. I love those cars where the seats were turned around in the back and you could face backwards. Put your feet up on the window. I want you guys just for a moment to imagine that you're driving down the 15 and you're driving behind a BMW and there's a four-year-old.
Up in the back window. Laying in the back window. Waving. Just waving at you, laying there. You would freaking call 911. Any of us. Our window, not only did I lay there, that window would roll down. What? My parents would roll it down some form. They'd slam on that brakes and roll right out. And that was fun. Yeah. That was the fun part. If I see a dog in the back of a pickup sometimes, I'm like, oh, you monster. Oh, you. Me too. Me too. You're a monster. Me too. Oh, my gosh. Our society is just so freaked out. Well, that's – hey, we talk all the time about the wussification of America, and it's true. We are bigger wussies now than we've ever been. That's a safety issue. You know what I mean? That wasn't right, though. Of course it was. Of course it was a safety issue. But accidents are accidents. I understand that. How about – We leave that up to people. You leave it up to your mom. Your mom made that choice. Your mom made that decision. Michael. I don't know, bro. You're brainwashed. Seatbelts save lives. Seatbelts do save lives. Seatbelts save lives. And here's what I believe about seatbelts. I know about seatbelts. I choose to wear a seatbelt. I'll teach my kids to wear a seatbelt. You know what I don't think is cool, though? I don't think it's cool to say, you have to do this.
I mean, our country is supposed to be based on freedom. If you want to be a dum-dum, you know, and not wear a seatbelt. Now, when you put other people at risk, that's different. When you put other people at risk, then I have an issue. But people deciding for themselves what to do, whatever. It just becomes a public safety thing. There's so many avoidable deaths and everything that goes into it. It keeps going and going and going. Yeah, I don't, I mean, I would never let my kid. Never ride in the back window like I used to. Never, ever. I wouldn't even think about it. I would. I wouldn't. I would because it was fun. It was fun. But, man, you want to get in the back window, do it when the car's parked. You know what I mean? Or in the neighborhood. What about in the neighborhood? No. Because you'll let your kids sit on your lap and drive your car. I'll do that. Now I can't. I'll do that. I did. I got shamed out of it. I'll do that. I did it. I did it with Jake, and I would drive down the street, and these women would look at me like I was raping him. I mean, it was this look of just disgust. And I was like, oh my gosh, I'm driving with my kid. I'll take their jeering looks. I don't care. They burn through you. They do. On long road trips, like we're going to Texas, Jasper will be in the car for four hours at a time. I'll let him unhook his safety belt and kind of walk around the car for a minute. But it's freeway and it's like wide open. And Kim's like, oh, we're going to get in trouble.
When we drive by the beach, sometimes I have a sunroof in my car and Jenna loves to stand up like a limousine and look out the sunroof. And she knows every time we go by the beach, I'll let her do it. I like to do that after a couple cocktails. People walking by are like, you are a monster. Do people ever judge people? Yes, they do. Yeah, they sure do. I do, too. We all do. I'd do it. I'd do it. We just said we would call 911 if we saw someone. Yeah. Same concept as if you see. What do you. OK, so you guys gave your opinions earlier about what you think about. Some of us are on different sides of the fence about little kids running around naked on the beach. OK, so what about you live in a cul-de-sac? There's a little kid running around naked in the cul-de-sac. L.O.B. It's different. Sienna. I'm OK with it. J. Doesn't bother me at all. Woods. Put some clothes on your kid. Put some clothes on your kid. What are we, in the Manson family? No, Kevin, is this a commune? Where's the carrots growing? Would the parents be around when the kid was naked? Well, yeah. Let's say they are. It is not. I feel different. I love this cul-de-sac. Love living here. I'm glad we inherited this house. I'm going to sit out in the front. Hey, good looking. You don't have to look at me. You don't like what I'm doing? Don't look at me.
Now look at my kid running around without britches. Yeah, I got my car parked on the grass. Yeah, they're on cinder blocks. I feel worried that they would get hurt. Like if they fell on the gravel with their everything. My kid ain't going to hurt his wiener. You afraid my kid's going to hurt his wiener? He ain't. What about a little kid going to the bathroom on a tree out in the front yard? I do that. What about a 47-year-old man? Yeah, what about that? That's the backyard. Then you're a sex offender. Don't worry about that little girl. JJ, she can run around and call the sex she wants to. Yeah, she might fall in an ant bed. That's all right. I got calamine. That's right. We got calamine lotion. Baby, bring me a bear and a calamine. It's sad. It's sad that it's like that now and you can't let a little kid be naked. Yeah. It's not sad. You know what? It's not about perversion. It ain't about that. No. It's just decorum. Put some freaking clothes on the kid. No. Come on. You get it. To a certain age. I don't know what that age is. Like 22. We had this conversation.
I first moved here, and I went to Mike's house. Jake was nude one day, and I was like, oh, my God. I don't like it. I've seen Jake nude upstairs. It's ridiculous. It's his house. I don't care. Put clothes on. Put clothes on. When he comes down in his underoos, and he's like, Uncle Woods. I'm like, nope, nope, nope, nope. Dude, let me tell you. That's strange. It's not strange. It's not strange. It isn't strange. Like, put clothes on. We have the one-year-olds. running around in their diapers and i'm like hang on a second and i think to myself you know they make baby clothes for a reason and it's it's not just for going to target that's not the only reason they make baby clothes so that you can go to the grocery store and target for warmth You know what? Sometimes they make baby clothes so the baby wears them. Kids love being naked. Really? They love it. Because last time I asked Luke and Ryan, they don't speak English yet. Yeah, but they'll wriggle out of there. No, when you're trying to put their arm in, they're like pulling it back. That is true. When my sister was in preschool, I guess you would call it principal of the preschool, the person in charge would call my mom just about every day. Which sister? Does it matter?
Does the woods. Shut up, you creep. And would say Waverly is taking off all of her clothes again, diaper, everything, in preschool because she loved it. And that's little kids, man. They love to be naked. They love it. She's still dead as a sophomore. Not a word. Oh, my gosh. What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? All right, Jay. She was two years old. All right. It's disgusting. You all disgust me. There's the right forum. Your humor disgusts me. You motorboating son of a bitch. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey. Plebeians. Enough. I can't turn that room off. I'm not kidding you. If I could turn that room off, I'd turn the room off. You've never heard of it. And when the mics go off, I'm going to say, Jay, let me dial it back a little bit. No. A little much with the beaver drop today. He's hiding behind his microphone again. A little bit. He can't see me if I hide right behind my microphone. Oh, my goodness. He's not there. That's creepy, Uncle Jay. Put some pants on, Jay. He likes to be naked, too. Yeah. Put some pants on that kid at home, Mike. I speak for the whole universe. That's right. It's called naked. It's called naked. Let's get naked. Your son Connor's going to be running around naked, and you'll be like, that's adorable. No, he is not. Yes, you'll let him go, and then he'll fight you to get back to that safer, and you'll go, let him go. He's having fun. I'm the bosser.
He's the minder. You're going to let him have fun. Yeah, he can have fun in a diaper. Are you LLB? What's up? You're going to let your kid just run around. I might be a little bit hesitant. Now, I do get a little bit weirded out for a second when I see. It just depends on the age of the naked kid I see at the beach. If I were you, I would have this conversation with BFMC and see where he stands. Okay, I will. I would say to him, hey, where do you, because what if he's like, no. Yeah. I've never had this conversation with Todd. You should. It doesn't matter. He doesn't care. He didn't care? I guarantee he'll let Sage be naked, doesn't it? Yeah, absolutely. If the kid wanted, like, didn't mind being in a diaper or whatever, then go for it. But if they want to be naked, then I'm going to let them run around. Sometimes it's all right when the kids are running around in diapers and stuff. But, like, the other day, Luke was walking around with clothes on. And I was like, look at that. That looks like a sharp little kid, pal. He's trying to wear the clothes on. It looks good. It looks nice. He's a little human. Yeah. So binding. A little human. My dad told me. My dad told me one time. He goes, when you guys were all kids, all of you guys would always wear clothes. I saw the hint, hint, hint, hint message there. But I'm with him. Yes. We're close. Your boys are going to grow up and go, it's from you, all right? I learned it by watching you. Fair enough. That's true.
You love to be nude. I can't anymore. Yeah, I know. You have too many people in that place. There's too many people in the house. I got to wear underwear now. You got locked in. You got locked out. Always pulling my underwear up. You probably like to be naked because you never had the opportunity. I'm a grown adult 40-year-old man now. You make those choices. Even worse. You can make those choices. You make them. You have things that, you know, adults have to cover. Little kids don't have those things. And wiener time. Mike, that noise was his head hitting the microphone. Take a break. That was Mikey's soul hitting the microphone on its way out of his body. It's okay, Mike. Hey, question. Is it 89 degrees in the studio? I'm getting hot and then I'm getting cold. This room used to be 40 below zero. This studio, 40 below zero. It's never the same. I don't think it's hot now. It feels good. It's temperate. Temperate. It's wild.
Let me guess. This is the Night Rangers? Is that right? The Night Rangers? I know. Some sort of 80s heavy metal. I know that you're thinking exactly what I'm thinking. This song. The time has come. And you know that you really want to say. Well, she just demonstrated something that none of us got. Mikey gets it. He's pretending that he doesn't. Well, yeah. What? You know, Woods is a mime. I was doing the plebeian bit. Oh. That was the disconnect. I'm just going to take it to the house. I'm just going to take it to the house. I am going to take it to the house. I think I'm going to take it to the house. I'm going to take it to the house. I'm going to take it to the house. You guys both can go. Yeah, you guys stay. Please. Good Lord. Hold on for it. My goodness. Think the president's kids have Facebook?
We'll find out next. Michelle Obama. She was on the Today Show and was talking about the president giving up smoking. But you made some news yesterday when, in an interview, you revealed that your husband, after decades of smoking, has kicked the habit. Well, I was asked, just in case my husband is watching. I didn't volunteer. You didn't throw him under the bus? Yeah, I was asked. But he has not had a cigarette, according to you, in almost a year. And Robert Gibbs, his press secretary, weighed in on this and said, you probably had more than a little to do with this. Was there some tough love at the White House concerning this? Yeah, of course. From all of the women in my husband's lives, we want him to be happy.
healthy and uh uh he's worked hard at it and i'm very proud that he's been able to kick the habit i know i know a lot of people in this country want to know how because people say every day i want to quit smoking but it's a coping mechanism i live with stress i live under long hours so does your husband how did he do it you know i don't know i mean once he made the commitment To quit, I left him alone because it's a very personal thing. I don't think that there's one right way to do it. I just know that once a person makes the decision, they have to find the best path. I think it's good. I'm glad he did it. I mean, he's a role model. I don't believe that she left him alone. You don't? No. And she was all over him about it? I don't believe he quit. You don't? No. What? Come on. It's hard to quit. I guarantee she made comments like, oh, really? Another cigarette? You smell like smoke. Of course. You just go have a cigarette? Of course. She says she just left him alone. Please. That's what I mean. He didn't quit. She's a wife. You don't think he quit? No, he didn't quit. He wouldn't lie. Wouldn't he? He's a politician. He can't lie. That's right. They can't. Yeah, that's in the DNA. Are your daughters on Facebook, Michelle? Real quickly at the end, Sasha and Malia, are they on Facebook?
No. No? Is that because of who they are or because you're not in favor of it? What's the reason for that? I think we're lucky that there are a lot of real constraints, things like Secret Service and stuff like that. But I'm not a big fan of young kids having Facebook, so it's not something they need. It's for you. It's not necessary. You know, when you leave the White House, they're going to want to be on Facebook. You'd be okay with that? That's none of your business. Don't worry about it. Yeah, maybe you keep your eyes on. those papers that you have. Are you implying that we're not going to be around for a second term? So in like three weeks. Leave and how old they are. If they're 40, you might let them out of the bubble. You know, they think Obama's dying his hair because he was gray. You and I talked about the last time we sat down at the White House. I said the stress of the job takes a physical toll on your husband. You said he still looks good. But there are people who are questioning something now, and I know you've heard about this. They're wondering whether your husband is dying his hair. Oh, God. Okay, January 19th, two pictures from the same day. Take a look. I found that interesting. You do? Yeah, because I, well, here's what I found the most interesting is that he went.
gray man like he got in office that first year his hair turned gray so if he's dying it it's interesting to me the psychology well then isn't that your answer i don't know if i don't know if he is i don't know well how would it turn back dude i haven't seen it is what i'm saying i know it was gray i don't know that it's what it looks like now yeah i don't know what it looks like now on the left on the screen something from early in the morning this is the day that the chinese president visited in the afternoon His hair looks darker. Okay, what is it? Is he dyeing his hair? No. No? No, it's... No. He's blasting cigs with Grecian formula right now, dude, as we speak. Trust me, just for men. But Michelle, we're looking at a photograph of black hair and then... No. What do you mean, no? But Michelle, it isn't photoshopped. I'm looking at a picture. I need your eyes checked. On the contrary, my eyes are 20-20. You're colorblind. I'm not colorblind, Michelle. I'm looking at the screen. Are you racist? I am not racist. In fact, I'm just looking at a picture. Paying a lot of attention to color. He's pretty gray. So it's lighting. Yeah, it's lighting. I think that if he had known...
Is there something wrong with saying, yeah, he dyed it. He didn't like the way it looked. No. Just for men. Just for men. Hey, I was at CVS, or as my dad calls it, the CVS. The CVS. And I considered buying a beard. They have this stuff that you rub in your beard that takes a gray out. Just for men. Nothing wrong with it. My wife likes the gray. I didn't buy it. And plus, it comes in various shades, and I'm Mexican, so I couldn't tell if I needed black or dark brown, and I thought if I did it wrong, I'd look like a complete clown. I might as well be wearing clown makeup. And you would, dude. If you're going to get it done, get it done professionally. Professionally? Yes. Really? Go to a professional beard dyer? Yes. Don't dye your hair unless a professional does it. Any hair. I don't have a problem with that, but... Are you sure, Obama, you don't dye your hair? I do not dye my hair. You're not? I do not, no. It'd be okay to admit if you'd use, like, just for men or something. If I did use Grecian formula, I wouldn't have a problem admitting that I do. You sure? Oh, we have some pretty damning evidence. I found a picture. This is the exact thing Matt Lauer showed her. The before and after pictures of Obama's hair. It's the lighting. It's the lighting. It's the lighting.
It's the lighting. It's also Grecian formula. It's good stuff. I mean, so what? That was my point. Who cares? Who cares? I mean, who cares? Who cares? Now, it isn't wrong. There's nothing wrong with it. However, I do find it interesting. I find it fascinating. I'll tell you who would care is just for men because if the president admitted to doing it, then all these guys would be like, well, I mean, Obama does it. Woods, do you know why I think it's interesting? Why? See, in order to find things interesting like this, because a lot of times Woods and I will have a conversation where we'll say to each other, I don't speak that language. Yes. Like, I don't get that. Teach me why that's right. Sometimes I'll hear music and I'll go explain that to me because it's like Greek. I don't understand why that's palpable the ears. To me, it sounds like noise. The reason it's interesting is because if he did dye his hair, it means that and I want you to picture this. It means that he may have had big, clear gloves on his hands and he may have been in a very beautiful, luxurious bathroom in the White House.
Looking in a mirror with those gloves going. Yeah. Reading the directions on the counter, reading the directions and then putting it in. Dripping some on the marble. Dripping some on the marble. It's like big black dots of ink. Looks like ink. He's got a towel. Yeah, he's got a towel around his neck. And it looks like a murder scene, only it's black dye. That's interesting to me. I mean, if you paint that picture, I don't paint that big picture in my head. That's what I do. When I hear Matt Lauer go, so does the president, your husband, dye his hair? The first thing I do is, I wonder if there's an old Seinfeld on. And the first thing I do is I go, what does that look like? Oh, no, not me. What is the president? I picture him losing the tie. Tie comes off. Jacket comes in shirt. Michelle. Michelle. You got that Walgreens bag? Fascinating. There's too much at stake. If he were to mess up and it were to turn purple, he'd be like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. What do I do? Secret Service agent's in there working on him. Imagine his freaking head looks like Grimace. Dyes his skin. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, you know, that's.
I can't paint that whole picture. I'd lose my mind if I thought that way all day. I watched the History Channel and they had a documentary on Air Force One where they go inside Air Force One. That's fascinating. Oh my gosh, dude. The luxury. I want to know what that plane is like. Dude, the luxury. I would love. To go on Air Force One, just based on that. I wanted to buy it and I went online. They have the DVD. I want to get the DVD because I loved it so much. And it was back when Bush was president. Dude, they they have an office in there that is his, you know, his private office. It looks like the most luxurious office you've ever seen. Only it's got like a window. You know, they have a boardroom that looks like the classiest, most incredible. mahogany boardroom like wall street absolutely uh only it's impenetrable in the very back of the plane is where he sleeps him and the first lady separate beds wow separate separate beds which i thought was weird and the beds don't look comfortable they look like hard yeah and they're covered with this i know it i thought that was strange too maybe
It's not always the first lady that's with him or someone else. I don't mean like that. Like someone else. Maybe one of his daughters. When I used to be the president, I used to want a different arrangement back there. And when I was the president, I didn't even like my wife. I liked scotch. They showed how they have a full kitchen on the plane. That's awesome. So they have an oven. They got ovens. And they were making like... These beautiful plates of food. Did you ever see Air Force One? No. The movie? Well, see, and I thought about the movie, and I was like, but that's a movie. It's like an exact replica, and they're in it the whole time. It's rad. Do you think it's like, don't you think it's movie stuff? No, it's good, dude. You'd love it. But you think it's accurate? Yes. Why? Because I think they do their research when they make a movie like that. Like when they make movies in the White House, it's the White House, essentially. They don't leave any, you know that, in movies, they don't leave any stone unturned. Not a big blockbuster like that with Harrison Ford. You would love that movie. Now I want to see it. It's really good. I thought about it while I watched the documentary. You would love it. Always like Simon Cowell because he's honest. And he said something in jest that I'm sure is going to cause some controversy than it has to do with Ryan Seacrest. Oh, no.
I like it. I don't know what it is. Jaina Kramer. Yeah, I need Jaina. Jaina Kramer? Yeah. I like it. It's so good. It's going to be there, I think. Sounds like Taylor a little bit. It does. It's exactly like Taylor. Reminds me of Alison Krauss. Yeah, Alison Krauss, definitely. Is it country? It sounds country. She's gorgeous, this girl. Yeah, it's beautiful. And she's, One Tree Hill is a guilty pleasure. I've watched it since I was like, 15 or something like that. It's still on, so I still have to watch it, you know? You have a lot of guilty pleasures. I know. She's like kind of the nude to the season, and she's gorgeous and an awful actress, but a great singer, it turns out. You guys ever seen that show, Friday Night Lights, the TV show? Saw the movie. Man, that show is good. Really? You ever seen it? No. It is so good. It's so real. They play it so real. In fact, a lot of it, I wonder if they don't script. Huh.
You know? It's really good. Is it still on? Yeah, it came back because people liked it so much. But I haven't seen it in forever. I know Rebecca watches it. I was a huge fan. Yeah, they brought it back. It was gone, and then people were freaking out, so they brought it back. I wish it would bring back other shows. I know. Cheers. Arrested Development. Friends. Cheers. Starsky and Hodge. BN. Dukes of Hazzard. Dukes of Hazzard. Dukes of Hazzard. 100. Let's see. Seinfeld. Simon Cowell. Simon Cowell. Oh, yeah. Simon Cowell. Almost forgot. Sorry. Simon Cowell was on... Access Hollywood? How do you know? You're so good. That's my job. Yeah, Simon Cowell was on Access Hollywood, and they were talking to him and asking him about Seacrest. Love is in the air. Seacrest and Julianne Hough. How did he land her? Did you say Julianne or Derek?
The guy's got rocks. The guy's got rocks. The guy's got rocks, or is he just a big team? Simon, Simon, Simon, I love it. He's always done that. He used to do that on the show. Gosh, dude. Oh, it would get so uncomfortable. Oh, it was so uncomfortable. Ryan Seacrest would say something, and he would go, he would say something like, you sound like you're hot for me. Are you hot for me, Ryan? Because he would say something. Or one of the male contestants that Ryan would be talking to. And he'd be like, yeah, and he'd go, stop flirting. And he'd be like. What would Seacrest do? There was a few that were so uncomfortable. The audience was like... What was the Puppy Bowl? What was it? This is during the Super Bowl? After maybe? No, it's something that Mike would think is the stupidest thing on the planet. What was it?
The Puppy Bowl was something that was on Animal Planet and it was the most popular installment apparently ever. And it's basically a show about puppies frolicking with each other on a football field like Penn. Badass. During halftime? Or they just did it? It was like the Super Bowl for animal lovers. It had nothing to do with the actual Super Bowl. How did I miss that? They do it every year, though. How did I miss it? Really? Yeah, but it was the puppy. I've never heard of it. Do they have any Yorkies in there? I'm sure. Puppies. Search it. I want to see it. I bet it's on YouTube. Hot, hot puppy bowl. I'm going to check it out. Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz are filing for divorce. I'm shocked. Me too. I really thought that one was going to last. Well, after three years of marriage, she actually filed for divorce this week. Citing his band sucks. Irreconcilable differences. She's asking for joint legal custody and primary physical custody.
of their two-year-old son Bronx oh poor guy yeah so sad. They released a statement, of course, saying that we still care deeply about each other and Bronx is in our best interest. We care deeply about each other. Please respect our privacy at this very difficult time. His name is Bronx Mowgli. From the Jungle Book. Mowgli. What was Mowgli? Mowgli is the little boy in the Jungle Book. The Jungle Boy. Obviously, moron. I never saw it. What? like saying you never saw Cinderella. Of course. I've seen it so many times. Jungle Book is great. Bare Necessities. I know the song. We're about your trouble. Hill, how are you? I'm great. How are you guys? Glad to have you back. I'm glad to be back. That's right.
Are you saying what you were doing? Yeah, sure. We took our daughter just turned four. So every year we sort of decided after her birthday, we take her to Disneyland. Yeah. We took her Tuesday to Disneyland and yesterday to Disney's California Adventure. Stayed at a hotel up there? Awesome, yeah. Stayed at the Disney, the Paradise Pier. Look at you. Well, it was so... Fun. It was like just a perfect little trip, not too crowded. But Disney, what they are so good at is customer service. Everywhere you go, they've got a smile on their face. How can I help you? Have a nice day. It's a lot like the DMV. It's exactly the same. Really? I kept thinking that. It's like you're getting a new license. Kids lose their minds. My God. It's heaven. For like the last week every morning when our daughter would wake up, she'd be like, is it today? Is it like the commercial? Have you seen the commercial? Oh, the commercials are so good. Have you seen it? They have a commercial right now. It's actual video of these kids. It's Christmas morning or whatever. I don't know their birthday or whatever, but they're in their pajamas. Home video. And it's home video. It's real home video. And the mom goes, we have a surprise for you. We're going on a plane.
And we're going to Disneyland today. And for a second, they don't get it. They're like... I got chills. And the dad goes, today. And they go, today? Pack your stuff. Yeah, Pack your stuff. We're going today. And they go, what? They're jumping and they're flipping. And you go, like, you watch it and you just get so freaked out just watching it. It's just like Mikey with enchiladas. Enchiladas? Today? Right here? What? It's the greatest commercial. It's the greatest. They are. There is nothing. I mean, as far as marketing, you couldn't get anything more brilliant. It's true. I thought immediately, I'm doing that. That's exactly how I'm doing it. Rebecca said that too. She goes, I want to do that. My parents, they didn't do the, we're leaving this day. But my dad, he gave it to us for Christmas. And it was all cryptic. All the cars, we had to open them at the same time. And it was like in his weird dad handwriting. And we were looking at each other. And then he's like, we're going to Disney World.
You guys didn't get the code? You guys didn't crack the code? We're running into each other, just like pulling our hair out. Ours was really touching, too. My dad would do this thing where he would go, if you effing do that one more time, I'm turning the car around, and I'm not freaking kidding around, right? We won't go. We will not freaking go. Yep. And everyone's just like. Silent. My old man, we were watching game six of the Yankee World Series in Texas. And the Yanks came back and won. And then we were like, holy crap. And he goes, where are you watching the game tomorrow? And I go, here with you, drinking Budweiser's, you know. And he's like, pulls them out of his pocket. He goes, we're going. We leave at 6 a.m. tomorrow morning. Game seven. And they won the world. It was actually game four. They swept the Braves in the World Series and we were there. And I was like, oh, and I was 23. I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. You're the best man. You pass out. It was the greatest move. So cool. It's a good move. Oh, it's so great. I think I need to do that. Oh, my God.
It's fun going as a parent now because you are as excited as your kid because you see how excited they are. It makes it so much fun. Did your daughter flip out? Flip out. You know what we did that flipped her out the most? She's super into princesses right now, like obsessed, right? And I'm not a real girly girl, frilly girl. She is obsessed with the Disney princesses. So what we surprised her with is you can have breakfast. or lunch with princesses at this restaurant called Ariel's Grotto in... disney's california adventure they have to reserve it in advance and it's like you know not cheap and it's not the greatest food you're not going for the breakfast but you are they are guaranteed to meet five princesses so you go and we're like you know all day long at disneyland on tuesday she's like i really want to meet a princess and we're like just you wait kid like you have no idea so then we're like guess what we're doing in the morning
We're having breakfast with our princesses. And she did that. She flipped out. So we go and she's like running to get there. And she's wearing a dress with all the princesses on it. And I mean, it was precious. That's the best. 20 million pictures. They introduce, there's this guy that comes out in this crazy outfit and he's like, no, my proclamation, yes. And he announces each princess. So great. I mean, they look like him and they're in these insane fall gowns. Is she mesmerized? She was like. Oh, my gosh. Never forget that, man. And each princess comes to each table and autographs. Do you take video pictures? You probably could. We didn't. That's rad. It's the best. And she was like, look, you're on my dress. I mean, just freaking out. That's why you need a little girl, dude. That's exactly why you need it. Like, how dare you? You are killing me. That's why you need a little girl, my friend. All right, Hill, what do you got? What do you got coming up? So I grabbed the Strokes and Decembrists and Jane's Addiction, some Spoon, Chris Cornell, stuff like that. Lovely and Talented Hillary is up next, and we'll come back tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. Don't forget, EBW will be up at the Soledad Cross, and her cause is...
She will stay there until they do not take that cross down. Less than an hour. We'll be there. News crews have been notified. KGTV says they'll be there. NBC 739. And any M1 that shows up can be there for Eskimo Blue Waters up there chaining herself. An event. 11 this morning. Mount Soledad. See you there. Mikey shows up.