The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 02/14/11

0:00Well, you know what, lovers? Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day to everybody that has ever loved and been a lover. And let me tell you something. It's a very special Valentine's Day today. My name is Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I am 40 years of age. I've been in radio for 23 years. Sitting across from me is a lovely man, a good friend of mine named Stephen Woods. He is 35 years of age. He's a lover. All right? I'm a lover? Yeah. He's not of me. In general, you are a lover. Yes, I am. You're not my lover. Fair enough. You're not a hater. Right. You're not a hater. You're a lover. Sitting next to Woodsy is Lauren O'Brien, who took a little extra care today to look really nice for her man, her BFMC, her boyfriend, Matt Commerce.

1:25And sitting to my left is Sienna Farrar. And she's our news girl. She's 25 years of age. She's a wise old sage. How ironic. She's got a daughter named Sage. Our producer is Jay. He's 47 years old. And he's quite a lover. He's got four children. And we have a new phone screener today named Alan. Alan. Alan. Let me just speak to the fellas in the audience right now. If you think you have game, think again. Fellas, if you think that you're romantic, think again. If you think that you have a plan today that's going to knock the socks off your lady, think again. And finally, if you think you have the right words, think again. And the reason I say this is because our news girl.

2:37Sienna, she just got a text from her hubby that will put all you guys to shame. Who think that you've got this thing called love figured out. That's right. Todd Ferrar is what you call a Lothario. Sienna, read that gorgeous text. That Valentine's Day text. All right. And don't try not to cry. Brush the tears away. Try not to get emotional. On this lovely Valentine's Day. This is what he said at 527 a.m. I'm getting sick and tired of finding wasted bottles, exclamation. That S is not cheap. There will be a feeding schedule instead of just giving her a bottle every time she cries. She's out of control, exclamation. We are the boss, not her, exclamation. The she in question.

3:48is a five and a half month old baby. Yes. Namesage. Namesage. Todd and Sienna's daughter. Yeah. And she is, quote, out of control. Oh, wow. She doesn't finish her bottles all the time, you know. So we do waste some formula. Yeah. You know what she's like? She's like a rap star in the club with a couple of bottles of, like, The finest champagne. Dom P. Yeah. Just dumping it all over the place. Oh, boy. Wow. I told him, happy Valentine's Day. I love you so much. No, it's so standard. He doesn't know. I laughed so hard when I heard that. I would have done the same thing. Listen, I'd have done the same thing. In my mind, there are compartments, okay? You have the baby compartment, which is what he was just.

4:58addressing. Then you have the love compartment, which is something separate. That will either, it's already come, it's coming later today. This is a matter that must be addressed. This matter of Sage. And so I understand how his mind compartmentalized for these issues. I said he probably woke up really tired and stepped on something and was like, oh, my God, and looked down, and it was like a half-filled bottle. No, I mean, he is. This has to end. She's out of control. Oh, I love it. It's like he's the most uncheap person, too, but when it comes to certain things. Like formula, apparently. You think this stuff grows on trees, man? He's talking to Sage. Are you out of your mind? You're crazy. You've lost it. You've lost it.

6:00No, I don't want to hear it. This is not free. This formula is expensive. You don't pay for it. You can't just waste it. Drink it. If you open it later in your life, when you open a can of Coke, finish it. Don't just take two steps and leave it laying around. This is formula. That's an ounce of formula, baby girl. That's an ounce of formula. Floaters. That's right. I love him so much. 570-1949 is our number. He makes every day a better day. That's right. Give us a call and say hello. It's material out of him for sure. Oh, wow. Mikey Show, hello. Dead woman. Anybody there? I probably don't even have someone passed, right? Mikey Show, who's this? What's up, Josiah? What's up? Hanging out, man. I want to talk about Saturday night. L.O.B. killed it. Yeah, L.O.B. did a comedy show, stand-up comedy Saturday night. And did real good. The reviews have come back on Facebook. It's very positive. She just rolled her eyes like she thinks she was terrible. She always thinks she's terrible. She does. I was not at all. I had some new material. I tried to write, like, some relationship type stuff. And I got nervous and I forgot some of it. Oh. So I was mad at myself. It happens. We still, you know, the last couple months have been hard for Naomi. And to see a smile on her face there tonight, it meant a lot to us. So we wanted to thank you for that. That's nice, Josiah.

7:26So glad you guys had fun. Yeah, me and M1 got slayed, though, man. Lamont Ferguson killed us. Uh-huh. Hey, make sure. Have you done anything for Naomi yet for Valentine's Day? I'm going to. That's my story, too. She's sleeping right now. When you woke up, did she leave anything for you? No, we got the three kids. It's hard for her to do that. All right. All right. I got you, brother. I love you. I love you guys, too. See you. Dad. Doing the dad bed. Love you guys, huh? Yep. Lamont got a lot of his material from Josiah and from M1 Harold, who were sitting in the front. Nice. Oh, boy. Mm-hmm. Good stuff. Good stuff. Oh, boy. No, he was very nice to them. I thought maybe he was, like, ripping on them or something. No, no, no. He was nice to them. Okay, good. They were loving it. He was loving it. It was a good time. Thank goodness. I don't like being comedians. M1 Nubian Prince. Hello. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. How you guys doing? You're great. Happy Valentine's Day, man. Thank you. Hey, I want to say thank you so much for that Pearl Flowers gift certificate, Lauren. Thank you so much. My mom made her stuff today. Yay! How about your wife? Oh, no, I'm single, dude. You know that. You know that? I thought you were married. No. Oh, okay. They'll be in France. Hey, I want to give a special shout-out, too, to Miss EBW and say happy Valentine's Day to her. There you go. Oh, wow. That's very sweet. I'm going to like that. Yeah.

8:52That's so sweet. Thank you very much, Nibian Prince. Love you, guys. Good morning. Love you. 5701949. I woke up this morning. My wife had left a card for me on my sink, you know, and it was the sweetest thing in the world. And I felt like a monster. Shout out loud, you're a monster to myself. To yourself. To myself, I said, you're a monster. I said it. You know, because I feel, you know, well. I didn't get her a card, okay? Yet. Yeah, I'll have to get one. On the way home, I will. I've done nice things. Yesterday, I brought her up a little tray. She was laying in bed. I brought her a tray. She had to ask me for it. I brought her up a tray. How many times did you have to ask you? Ask me once. That's it? Okay, I'll do it. You know what I said back? I was such a jerk. Oh, my gosh. I apologized to God. I go, I go, Well, here's what happened. I woke up at about 5 a.m. yesterday morning and it's our day off on Sunday. We have people that watch the kids all day and we don't have to do anything. OK, great. It's great. And Rebecca says, if you're going to make coffee, can you bring me a cup? And I'm like, oh, my gosh, are you awake? She goes, yeah, I got a sinus headache. I can't sleep. I go, OK. I said, do you want any toast? She says, no.

10:24So I go downstairs. It's too early. It's 5 a.m. So I go downstairs. I make the coffee. I bring her up some coffee and make my toast, make my coffee, go into the office, you know, answer emails, do my use. Come upstairs later on. Now it's about 7 a.m. and I get back in bed. She's kind of waking up and she looks over at me and she's got puffy, you know, pushing out bottom lip, like sad lip. Pout face. Pout face. And I go, what's the matter, babe? She goes, I want some toast. And I go, and I didn't say it mean, but I said, we got to figure out, we got to get like whoever comes on Sunday, they can do that for us so that we can just take that day off. Toast is rough. And I said, just give me a minute, babe, and I'll go do it. But the fact that I said.

11:26That I didn't immediately just jump to it made me feel like a, you know, turd. And so I got up and I went down and I made her some toast and I even refreshed her coffee and I gave her a book that she had asked for as a Valentine's, you know, gift. I'd already gotten her flowers for our anniversary. We're going to do a staycation. But I did not get a card, you know. Am I bad? I'm bad. You're not bad. I'm willing to believe that I'm bad immediately. No. I am not bad. As long as there's a card on the way. On the way. Mm-hmm. A very heartfelt. Very heartfelt card. Mm-hmm. I just can't figure it out. It's not that hard. It isn't. Do you take care of business? As soon as we get out of here today. Okay, then we're the same man. No, my wife doesn't get off work until later. I got time. That's true. She won't be home until...

12:24No, no, no. She's going to wake up. She's going to wake up and not have a card the same as Mike's wife. But she'll have a card today. Same thing. Same guy. I don't think I'm a monster. You guys are fine. It's fine. You said you can't figure it out. There's nothing to figure out. You just got to get her a card on Valentine's Day. As long as it's on Valentine's Day, you're good. I'm good. Whenever someone gives you something first and you don't have something immediately in return, you feel bad. You feel like a monster, yeah. Kind of like Sienna did with us. Yes. Exactly. Sienna brought us all little Valentines. You know, I didn't expect anything in return. I didn't think anyone would bring anything. I just wanted to do it. But I love you. It's very sweet. I gave her a hug. I did too. I gave her two. I did not give you a hug. It's all right. You guys are all good. I didn't give her a hug because I didn't want her to think I wanted to feel her breasts pressed up. Shut up. I gave her a back hug. Same with me. I gave her a hug from the back. And I feel like as a guy, if I asked Sienna for a hug, she would think to herself immediately, I know what you want. Oh, my gosh. Creep. Yeah, you're a creep. You're a creep. It's true. Now I will. Yeah. I don't want. That's not what I want. Come give me a hug. I'm sorry. Come on. Hug it out.

13:33Neil Diamond will be in here at 7.30. Oh, wow. Yeah, he wants to perform. Let's see. Oh, Uncle Victor. Uncle Victor's got a Valentine thing for you. Hey, this is your Uncle Victor for Take Me to Brunch. It's not just your brunch. I want to go there and I want to eat a quiche. I think that, you know, it's nice on Valentine's Day. Why don't you take me over to one of those places like... The Cheesecake Factory. And then we can go in there and we'll order something nice. And then maybe we'll come home and we can kiss on the couch. Creeper. You get a beeper. You get a beeper. Nicole Victor. It's nice to go over to the Cheesecake Factory and wait 48 minutes to an hour and a half. You know, you got the little beeper and then finally it starts blinking and then you get to sit down and read a novel.

14:42It's the biggest menu ever. It's like Stephen King's It. It is. It's like the stand. You're like, do I want egg rolls or do I want a burger or do I want Mexican? Cheesecake. Thank God the food's good. No kidding. So call us, 570-1949. This is M1 Harold from San Marcos. What up? What's going on? LLB's being hard on herself. It was great. Thanks, Harold. Did a good job Saturday night. Everyone keeps saying that, but who's going to be like, eh? It's okay. Don't even put that thought out there, L.O.B. I don't want anybody to call in with that. If she forgot material, you couldn't tell. She was just blowing right through. It was awesome. Thank you. She's good. Thank you, Harold. I want to wish a happy Valentine's Day to my wife, Melanie. Happy birthday, pal. Happy birthday. Go ahead. Happy birthday?

15:34Happy Valentine's Day. Yeah, this is our 20th Valentine's together. Nice. Wow. High school sweethearts, he's too. And I love her more every year. She's rad. It's nice. She is. Thank you. Thank you. You know, the word of the day today is amour because that means love in some language. Probably French or something. Italian? Amour. Amour. So when you hear me work that word into a sentence between now and 10, be caller number 9. And what will you win? How about a $50 gift certificate to the 2011 ski and snowboard deal that's going on? It's a big mega sale. It's awesome. And what else? How about passes to the AMA Series race at Qualcomm Stadium? Rain or shine. This Saturday. And then you're the grand prize drawing for a $250 gift certificate that we'll draw on Friday for the mega sale. For the mega sale. For the ski and snowboard mega sale. That's cool. All right, so there, you're all caught up.

16:35Cardiff Coupe got a makeover with Valentine's Day. Speaking of Valentine's Day, and then we've got to talk about this taxi driver thing. If you have not heard what happened Saturday night, it is huge news. Huge news what happened. But Cardiff Coupe got a Valentine's makeover or what? Oh, yeah. You know, wings, dressed like Cupid, the whole deal. Really? Yeah. Bow and arrow. Bow and arrow. Who takes off the old stuff and puts up the new stuff? Same person, you think? No, I think the city eventually comes through. They eventually take it down? There you go. So the Cardiff kooks all lovey-dovey. And then this taxi driver story is insane. Oh, my gosh. You have Alan come in here. Come on in here because we're going to talk to our new phone screener, man. He's got insight that you would not believe on what happened at this thing. He's got insight and kind of a story that will blow you away. And we'll have him tell him in just a minute. But what happened? Okay, so it happened late. Friday night, early Saturday morning. So it was Saturday morning around 1.50 a.m. outside of Stingery, which is the club downtown San Diego. And what happened was, you know, bars ending almost 2 a.m. People, you know, dozens of people getting out, smoking a cigarette, walking to their car on the sidewalk. And all of a sudden, a cab comes crashing into these people. Dozens of people injuring 20.

17:5820 some odd people were taken to the hospital with injuries. One woman was really injured and she had to actually have her leg amputated below the knee because she was pinned up against the wall from this cab. Now they say the cab driver alcohol was not under, you know, he wasn't under the influence. They say he blacked out or fell asleep at the wheel. But either way, once that cab came crashing through, people are injured and it turned into a mob scene. People. Pulled the cab driver out of the car and just started beating him. I mean, broke his nose. The whole deal he was taking to the hospital later. You know, because late at night, people had obviously been drinking that night. You know, that's what most people are down there for. Right. And, I mean, just turned into a scene. 42-year-old woman, leg amputated. She went down there to have a good time, you know. And it's just such a sad story. Now. Alan, who's our new phone screener this morning, was it your roommates that were down there? Yeah, two of my roommates were at the club that night. I was actually supposed to be there as well, but I was working a show at the Casbah. No way. Or you would have been there. Yeah, I would have been there. My name was on the guest list. Now, do you know if your roommates were in the line or were they inside the club? They were outside and they both witnessed it happen, unfortunately.

19:16One of them got in trouble, actually got arrested for what went down when the cab driver was being assaulted. I don't know what his involvement was. And the other one just reacted, and when the lady's leg was caught and pinned against the wall, he actually came to her aid and tied a tourniquet to her leg. No way. Oh, man. He may have saved her life. Yeah, it's possible. From what I heard, it was a pretty gruesome scene. He just told me the details of reaching under the car. I'll spare you the details, but it sounded pretty bad. Yeah, people are saying that it was the craziest thing. Blood. I mean, never seen anything so violent. It was bad. Now, the other buddy, the other roommate, he went to jail because of some sort of involvement with the cab driver. Right. We know the cab driver got beat up. Yeah, I don't know what his direct involvement was. I haven't asked him. Did he go to jail? Yeah, he was in jail overnight. Luckily, he just got bailed out yesterday, so I haven't had a chance to speak with him much. I've been working all weekend. Right. Yeah, I mean, he's okay. That's the most important part. It's scary. We couldn't get a hold of him. Oh, my gosh. Just to hear that he's all right is good news because so many people were injured.

20:24There were a bunch of accounts saying that the cab driver out of self-defense was swinging around scissors at people. Oh, my gosh. And the woman's husband was downtown, but he wasn't right there. So someone ran and got her husband. He came back, and her leg was gone and just started screaming, I love you, I love you, because he didn't know what was going to happen. Just so sad. And she's at the hospital and doing okay. Yeah. Missing a leg now. All things considered. Oh, my goodness. Well, you know, if the cab driver fell asleep, you know, it's obviously an awful, terrible thing. But, you know, I don't think he should have been dragged out of that car and beaten. Now, the fact that he was dragged out of the car and beaten, had it been me and I fell asleep at the wheel and somebody dragged me out of the car and they were beating me up, I'd defend myself in any way I could. I'd be afraid that I was going to die. So I think it's wrong that he fell asleep, and I think it's wrong that people pulled him out and beat him up. I just wonder if he said anything to prompt that. I mean, when I read the story, it just seemed really strange that people would react in that way and just start. Just drag him out. Maybe they thought he did it on purpose. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe. I mean, with everything that's gone on lately, there's people in New York running around stabbing people.

21:45You never know, right, if somebody's attacking. So I think we're all on the defensive a little bit. I think people get angry immediately that when something like that happens. I mean, I was in a car wreck, and the same thing. The guy came running out of the house, and he was so angry that we'd knock down his tree in his front yard. Yeah, I guess. I think people react, especially when you've hurt so many people. People are just, like, immediately angry. Hurt, sadness, fear. Yeah. A lot of fear. A lot of fear, you know. And, you know, it's just a weird. Yeah, it's unfortunate. Can't figure it out unless you're there. Absolutely. And you never know what can make somebody lose control of a car or something could have gone wrong in his head. I mean, you never know. He could have blacked out, had an aneurysm. I mean, you never do know. Things like that happen all the time. And that's an unfortunate situation for everybody. 5701949. And if anybody was there, obviously we'd love to talk to you. Alan's roommates. Alan's screening phones for us now on Mondays and Tuesdays. And your roommates, if we could talk to them later. I don't know if we can. But if we can, we'll try. But what a tragic story. I mean, it could have been a lot worse. As bad as it was, it could have been a lot worse. The Grammys were last night. And, you know, Gaga was a...

23:10Big deal because she dressed like a – first of all, she came in in an egg. And what I mean by that is – What was that, Mike? She came in in an egg. She entered into the Grammys inside of an egg. I thought you said an egg. You didn't say an egg. EGG. And this egg was on a sort of gurney, you know. Picture Egyptians, you know, carrying in royalty, you know. like a prince or a king was the same bit, only she was in an egg. And then when she came out of the egg, what was Lady Gaga wearing, Sienna? Well, the only other pictures I've seen were her in like this little black outfit and she had horns. Horns. On her shoulders and on her face. And not like plastic horns, like her makeup artist had built her horns that looked like it was part of her skin coming up from her shoulders. Oh, wow. Are you sure she just didn't forget to wake up out of her AirPod? I am not sure. She is a character. She's a character. Yeah. But she was not the big winner. No. Right? No. Who was? Arcade Fire. Arcade Fire. Yeah, their album of Suburbs won for album of the year. Wow. Garrett! I told you, Mike. Arcade Fire's good. Mm-hmm. Listen to him perform.

24:44Sounds good to me. Mm-hmm. What'd they win? Just album of the year. Album of the year. Also record of the year went to Lady Antebellum for Need You Now. It's a country artist. Song of the year, Need You Now. Again, Lady Antebellum. You got record, album, and... That was song of the year. Song. Mm-hmm. Best new artist, Esperanza Spaulding. Huh? Ah, Mike. Mike. You know that Eminem reunited? With Dr. Dre? Did you guys know that? No. I knew. I haven't heard it. Yeah, he reunited with Dr. Dre. Now, I don't understand the rap world, so I don't even know what that means. You know, were they not talking or something? They didn't have a beef or anything. Did they perform together or do a song together at some point? Because the thing I have says the two rappers reunite. So what was that? They did something together before?

26:27Oh, yeah. They were on Chronic 2000. Dre pretty much discovered Eminem and blew him up. He had no idea. I think he started his own label, Eminem did. I don't know if he's back on Dre's label. Dre's voice is different. He probably cussed. Weird. East Coast probably saw it. West Coast probably had it edited. This girl, her name is Skylar Gray. She's good. So Dre hasn't come into the picture yet? No, not yet. And this is his first live performance on TV in over 10 years. Oh, wow. There you go. So everybody's reacting to seeing Dre come out. Is he just standing there? Just waving? Yeah. Holding a sign that says, I'll sing in a minute. He's just raising the roof. I think he's singing. You just can't really hear him. Really? There it is.

29:09I'm pretty sure he was kind of singing along there, just really quiet. Boy, they got him pretty low in the mix, don't they? No doubt. Tucking him in real good. I like this girl singing there. Skylar Green? Gray. I'm going to give it one more chance. See if I hear it. Oh, here we go. Now because I don't know what Dr. Dre sounds like, can you guys tell me if he sounded good and like Dre? Yes. Yeah? There you go. Don't you remember the song like...

30:04I think they want to talk like you got something to say, but nothing comes out when they move your lips. It's a bunch of gibberish. That was Dre and Eminem years ago. I missed out on a lot of that stuff. My wife knows gangster rap. I don't. I don't. All right. So here's what we got to go over to. How about that meet and greet Friday night? I would say that was a success. I would say that we got a lot of people show up. Awesome. You guys hear about the Charlie Sheen thing? Anybody hear about the Charlie Sheen thing? Charlie Sheen went and met with the UCLA baseball team for some reason and gave them advice. So here's my deal. A, why is he meeting with them? B, why is he giving them advice? It's bizarro land. And we...

31:05We have the actual audio to back it up and prove it and play it for you, what he said. It's so weird. We'll do it now. Got the Charlie Sheen thing coming up here in just a minute. Neil Diamond coming in at 7.30. Word of the day is amor. When you hear me say amor between now and 10 o'clock, be caller number nine for fabulous prizes. That's all I'm going to say because to tell you what the prizes are is very confusing. Not because it's, you know, not because of anything that just my my limitations. I know my own limitations. Certain things I see and I go, I'm not going to be able to say that very well. So I just hit the eject button and I go, hey, great prizes. Our meet and greet on Friday night was far surpassed what I expected. Yeah, it was fantastic.

32:33First of all, I've never been to the place. East Village Tavern and Bowl. Easily the coolest bowling alley I've ever seen in my life. I didn't know they did bowling alleys like this, you know? They had these cool-looking sort of logos that were shined down onto the lanes by spotlight that made it look cool and sort of tattoo-ish. They were like bowling pins with a skull and crossbones. It was rad. It was so rad, you know? But anyway, it made me think, wow, whoever designed this seems like a tattooed person. It was cool. And tons of M1s showed up. So many. I mean, that place was packed. And there was a gigantic accident on the 15. Like a tractor trailer turned over. It was like a FedEx tractor trailer turned over. We probably would have had more people. And there was a ton of people. Ton of women.

33:35A lot of women. Like to meet those single guys. That's right. If you were there, you can call us 5701-949. Woodsy, I thought this was kind of interesting. There were some women that were saying, I need guys to talk to me. And I think that guys are intimidated. You know, we get scared. Well, every guy that I talked to, I was like, I was trying to point out to them these groups of cute girls. And I'm like, hey, look, look over there. Look at that table. There's three girls over there sitting by themselves. There was a lot of nerves and maybe very little game going on in there. Yeah. Come to the kid. I'll help you out. L.O.B., let's say that you went to this thing, okay, as a single woman. Okay. How would you have liked to have been approached? What is an approachable thing to do? Try to say something kind of funny or say, like, when you were doing one of your Hoyle bits or say, like, oh, this is my favorite character. Find a common ground because you're both there because you like the Mikey show. I like that. And if you're not the witty, quick-witty kind of guy, maybe you think it out beforehand. Yeah. But then the problem is, oh, no, is your delivery going to sound stupid. You've got to deliver it. Don't overpractice it. Don't overpractice it. That could really screw you up. Now, there's a whole study that's been done about Chinese guys.

35:02There's this Chinese guy got it all figured out. Meet Tango and the juggler. Well, that's what they call themselves. And between them, they say they have the secrets of picking up women. It will come through from your heart to your face and to your body language, everything. It will come through from your heart, he says. To your face? Yeah. Okay, all right. In this crowded Beijing bar on a Saturday night, Tango, real name Chris Wu, is letting us in. I'm glad, by the way, that Chris decided to go with Tango. Yes. Oh, yeah. Chris Wu. Chris is way too common. Chris is way too common, and he figures if he approaches a woman and he says, hey, how you doing? Chris Wu here. That may not. Impress, like walking up to a woman saying, hey, how are you? You got yourself tango. Tango's a conversation starter. Yeah. You know? Oh, you tango? Yeah, tango. On his well-honed strategies, first, have a good opening line. What about this? If you don't mind. And give me your number. What about this? Okay. I come up to Roby. Okay. And Shira Singura.

36:22Okay, and I come up to you and I say to you, excuse me, how about this? You give me your number. How about no? Oh, okay. That did not go as good as I thought. One day, let's get together. Let's get together for coffee. Excuse me, Roby. I was the one that you said no to just a moment ago. But I have different try now. Okay. Can you let me try one more? How about me and you? We get together and we go to coffee. How about not? Okay. Thank you for that. Give me your number works. Well, it's the first step. Why not? What about me, you, go back to my place. We make whoopee together? Not. Not right? Tango learned his craft in the United States where he studied the art of the game. Would you like to kiss me open mouth? No. A best-selling book about successful pickup artists. He was taught by the juggler. Fame for his power of seduction. What works in the U.S., he says, will work in China. If it works in Tarsar, Oklahoma, it will work in Beijing. That's what I know. Ultimately, people want the same thing. They want sex and love and excitement and those things.

37:38I want sex, Rob, and excitement. And so I will say that to Aroby, and I will now try for a third time. Excuse me, Aroby. Hi, Tango. Sorry about that. Talked to you just a moment ago. Yep. Was wanting to see if you would be interested in sex, Rob, and entertainment. I don't know what Rav or entertainment is. Rav and the entertainment. Rav? Yes. Are you interested in sex? That one you got. That I got. Rav and the entertainment. I don't know the second two things that you're saying, but. Sex with you, no. Not going to happen. What Tango learned in America, he now teaches here in China. Did I mention my name at Tango? You did. A country where men outnumber women, there is no shortage of students. Men desperate to learn the art of seduction. Pay him up to $150 for a one-day seminar. $150. Wow. Listen, Rad. It's not that hard.

38:52You're trying too hard. You're spending $150 to go hear a Chinese guy tell you how to find sex and love and entertainment, all right? First of all, play side one at Led Zeppelin 4, all right? To $1,500 for a full-on three-day course. On full release. Today, there are 40 lonely men here. Among them, Chang Jiang Yu. I'm sorry? Did he just say... He's very lonely. Sometimes I think, you know what, English guy, don't show off to me. I can't help it. No, it was Chinese. Okay, good. Leave it at that.

39:59And our Brad Pitt has traveled 14 hours. He said our Brad Pitt. He's talking about this guy that's taking the course. Brad Pitt. Yeah. Whoa. Brad Pitt. No. He's saying, you know, he's like our Brad Pitt. I think that's his name. No. I think this gentleman's from Beijing. Yeah. And I'm going to go out on a limb and say Brad Pitt may not be the most common name in Beijing, China. You don't know that. I don't know that. I don't know that. Prove it. To be here today. Prove it. Or to try to mend his broken heart. So you come here with a broken heart? Because I come here, I must know. I try with Araby, and she broke my heart. I told her my name was Tingo. Didn't work. Then I say to her, you want to have sex rather than entertainment? And she goes, I don't know what you're saying. And so I do all of the things. This is him on the phone two days after the course. I want my freaking money back. I met a girl and do everything you say in the course. Nothing work. Freaking rip off. Oh.

41:14My name is Tango. Don't work. I might as well tell her Chris Rowe is my name. Chris Wu. Then I say you want sex and entertainment. She don't even understand what I say to her. Send my freaking money back. Suzanne. That's a guy's answering machine. Angry machine. Leave me. You just can't turn up in a bar and find someone. You have to really work at it. Well, it seems he's come to the right place. Tango and the juggler back at the bar always win the goal. Stan Grant, CNN, Beijing. We'll see how it works out for them. Tango and the juggler. The juggler. The juggler. What does that mean, the juggler? He's juggling women. Yeah. Three dates a night, you know. Yeah. Wow. The juggler was, I saw the video, juggler was a tall, handsome guy. Yeah.

42:14You know, what about if you're a five-foot, six-inch Mexican? Do they account for any of that? I'll be Tango. You'll be the juggler. You'll be my winger. It's going to be hard, dude. Well, we can do it. I'm your BFF. We can do it. We can make it happen. I'm your big, fat friend is what I've become. That's the point. We got personality. It goes a long way. Great. It goes a long way. You know what you got? What? Six feet tall. That goes a long way, too. And three chins, too. Yeah, but you're six feet tall. Girls will take six feet tall and three chins over five foot six no chins. Fair enough. You're saying chin, you tried to make Chinese a joke. No, I was not. Oh, I get it. I do have more chins than a Chinese phone book. You have more chins than a Chinese phone book. How many time with that one? What's the matter with you people? I was joking. Don't you know a joke when you hear one? M1 Thomas is a firefighter from La Jolla. Hello. What's up, Thomas? Good. Thanks for the good time, Friday. Did you go to the meet and greet? Yeah, absolutely. Nice. Why weren't you in costume? Yeah, you should have been. I think I met this, Thomas. Did you? I think so. Handsome guy? Yeah, sign me up for that. I thought I wasn't wearing my costume Friday night, man. There was some bad news that went down. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I know. I used to work for Stingery for two years, so I was hoping none of my people got hurt. Yeah, if you haven't heard, there was an accident at Stingery, a cab driver.

43:47Plowed into a bunch of people standing in line at Stingery on Friday night, Saturday morning. And one woman lost her leg. 20 people injured, right? Yeah, 23. A lot of people injured. Oh, just terrible accident. Hey, so dude, did you meet anybody at the meet and greet? Did you get a number? Did you meet anyone? You know, I moved over to our table and talked with my boys. We had a great time. They're just fantastic people there. You know, they're all your listeners, so they're all good people. I didn't get any numbers because I didn't really feel a connection. But the opportunity was there. There was a lot of ladies, and it was just a good time, good atmosphere. Thank you very much. We appreciate you calling in. Did you have a good time? Absolutely. I love the East Village Avern, too, and good to meet you guys. The place was rad. Thank you. Thanks for coming. Yeah, and that's the thing. I mean, M1 Megan wrote us, and she said, you know, you guys should do more of these. And Liz had got no problem with it. She was also saying, you know, these guys need to start stepping up, you know, getting a pair of rocks and coming up to us and saying hi.

44:47Like, what's he said, man? I mean, you got to have game. You got to have it's hard. It's not that hard, though. It's not that hard. What what these guys needed to do. And I was watching and I remembered the old days before I was a married man. Walk up to that table with three cute girls sitting there and go, hey, I'm going to round on me. Let's go. And then you're the life of the party. You buy them all a drink. And the key to meeting a girl is if she's with a group of friends, impress her friends. I mean, if you've got your sights set on one. Okay, here's my questions for you. Yeah. Okay, so you walk up to three girls. Yeah. How do you hone in on one? You know. You know before you go into battle who the target is. And she'll know by how much eye contact you're making with the one. The other two don't feel like, oh, what am I, chopped liver? No, they're stoked for her. As long as he's funny and, you know, he says the right things, buys him drinks. They're like, go for it. And the guy who always comes in talking to all the girls, though, but he just really looks at one the most. Because you can't ignore the friends. You can't be a dean. Well, see, my problem is I wonder about the guy that comes over to the table to buy the drinks. He's funny and everything, but none of the girls are attracted. None of the girls find this guy attractive. Then what? Well, you chalk it up to a loss and you move on. You know how many...

46:05You could feel it. You know how many drinks I bought for girls in my career? We start looking around. A hundred thousand, you know, that never materialized anything. We got a girl from the meet and greet. M1 Heather was at the meet and greet. She's on the line. And we'll find out if she was single. M1 Heather from Carlsbad. Let's see. There we go. Hi, Heather. Hey, good morning. How are you? I'm good. How are you? Good. So you were at the meet and greet. You were single, right? I was at the meet and greet. I am single. And did you meet anybody? Well, I did, but it was funny because it was kind of a passive-aggressive thing, and people were really cool and everything. I didn't get any numbers, but I got Facebook friend requests. Nice. Like, immediately following. So it was kind of like, oh, that's cute, you know, but it would have been...

46:56I think better if they would have just come out and said, hey, you know what? I think you're really cool. I'd like to hang out sometime. Yeah, that's like the new move, and I'm over it. It is. It's a weak move. Anyone can go home, hidden behind their computer, and ask to be your friend on Facebook. I mean, it's nice and everything, but, you know, have some stones and just ask me for my help. Yeah. Yeah, I get it. All she can say is no. I mean, dude, come on. All she can be is say, hey, I'm really nice. You're like, all right, see you later. You want a drink? No. By the time you've hit. Add as a friend. It's already too late. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Hey, thanks for the call. You ask. She says no. You're like, maybe I get. Yeah. See you later. I mean, come on. I still just go. I'll just be. I'm out. I'll see. I'm going to be over here bowling. Yeah. 5701949. Woodsy talked about it earlier. There's a book. And let's see if this person is on the line. No, they hung up. So I'll ask Woodsy about it. The game. Oh, yeah. What's the game? The game is a book that my good friend, Bark Malman, back in Dallas, bought, read, passed around to our group of friends. And it has some pretty amazing stuff in it. Truly. Tell the thing that you were saying earlier about how you would have... Like, L.O.B. looks really nice today. Yeah. So one of the main points is be nice, but also kind of be a D.

48:21Okay? Because, so if I met L.O.B., we'd be talking, I'd buy her a drink, and we're talking, and there may be a little something there. I'm attracted to her, obviously, because that's why I'm approaching her. Now, my job is to now make her in on me. Yeah. So I'm looking at L.O.B., and I'm like, gosh, you look, you're so pretty. Your hair, it's, uh, your hair looks amazing. Oh, thanks. Ovation. Is that your natural color? Uh, yeah. Oh, it is. Okay, cool. So you threw a little, you got a little zinger, and what it tells the girl is, oh. So this guy's a little cowboy, huh? He's got something. He's got a little zip in his action. And then the key? Walk away. Oh, wow. Leave the table. Be like, hey, I'll be back. Oh, hey, it works. You walk away and she's like, that little S.O.B. He's got something. And then she's looking for, where is that little clown? And then you swing back by. Hey, good to see you again. You guys? And when I say you guys, I mean L.O.B. and Sienna. I've always wondered about Woodsy. Because he's always told me about these things that get the women. Now, one thing I know for sure, he got the women. But I always wonder if he got the women in spite of the things that he did. Because I think he's handsome. And back in the day, the kid was real handsome. And he's always had that charm and everything. He's told me some crazy stuff that he's done to get the girl. And I'm like, I wonder if he just got the girl because you were just good looking.

49:42I think it's just his confidence. Yeah, I think it's confidence, and it'll work for that night, but I would never date the guy that does that. You might French kiss me later, though. That's about it. Making a ride in the wild baloney pony. Oh, wow. It's okay, Mike. Yeah, we can get rid of that one. That's a little blatant, that one. You know what I mean? That may be a little blatant. Here's the deal. You're a dude. I love this. You're a dude. Who would be your dream celebrity date tonight on Valentine's Day? I know, it kind of sprains your brain. You're like, the choices are endless. Okay, but think about it. And then who would be your nightmare celebrity date tonight? Now, if no one had to know about it, you're back at your place, fellas.

50:47And you're not worried about being emasculated. Who would you want? Celebrity. Who would you want to serenade you? Oh, wow. Nobody has to know that you are, like, sitting there like a wuss and she's singing to you. Just think about it. And then I'll give you the actual answers. Because there was a poll done in the U.S. of men and women, actually. And as we go out, I'm going to play you this. This was the weirdest thing ever. The Charlie Sheen thing. I told you about Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen went and visited, for no apparent reason, the UCLA baseball team. Listen to his advice for them. Stay off the crack. Stay off the crack. Okay. All right. Thanks, Charlie. Will do.

51:43Hey, by the way, if you have guesses on who those women would be, fellas, 570-1949. We have a, we got like a Valentine's mix going on for you today. It's gorgeous. It's really gorgeous. I worked very hard on it. Little Peter Cetera. Was this in Karate Kid? Two. Two. Karate Kid Two. When they go to Okinawa. Oh, wow. Look at you. He was 56 years old when he shot that movie. He played an 18-year-old. He was already in the AARP at that point. Almost older than Jay. Yeah, almost. I'm trying to get to news and sports, but I just want to listen to this song. We'll give you the dream celebrity stuff here. Sienna, what's going on in news? Well, really important news. Mr. Beer Belly 2011 has been crowned.

53:21You guys weren't listening to me, apparently. I was. I heard. Who is it? It was two guys in Lakeside. I saw a picture. It doesn't say their name, but they have, like, you know, one guy's wearing a KSON t-shirt. Yeah, that's awesome. And it's just, you know, sunburned guys. About 100 people showed up for this. It's just hilarious. It's great. Dan Deaton from Santee, Cody Owens. Yeah. Even a woman entered. Oh, wow. Brave woman. I wonder if they have to measure it. They do, the belly, yeah. It's overall aesthetics, overall presentation, and overall circumference. The one guy had a white elephant painted on his belly. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Just good to know. That happened on Saturday. It's kind of funny. Also, a park ranger is now on patrol at the Children's Pool in La Jolla, which is where the seals are. Why? People are very upset because apparently seals have been disappearing from there. Not necessarily disappearing, but there's less and less seals over the last few weeks. Exactly. There's a great white shark spotted over there. And I wonder why the great white was over there. So now there is a ranger that's patrolling. And thanks to an anonymous person who donated $60,000 to full fund this.

54:31guy and also really quick uh be very careful who you let into your house a man was um posing as an employee of the city of san diego water department and he went into a del cerro home you know posing to be with the water department and he asked if he could go in to like check out the plumbing inside the house the resident let the guy in meanwhile his buddy a man that was in the car entered and stole jewelry and cash from bedrooms while the the main water guy was distracting the resident So be very careful. Del Cero's over by San Diego State. Yeah. And normally when someone from the water department comes, they don't need to go in your house. They can check from outside. Just so you know. Yeah. So be very careful. Plus they'll probably have a water truck. Yeah. Yeah. And look for badges. Don't just let anyone in your house. That's right. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, the San Diego State Aztecs won again on Saturday. They beat UNLV 63-57. And, man, they are on a roll. They are No. 6 in the country. They are 25-1 overall, 10-1 in the Mountain West. Their next game is going to be this Wednesday against New Mexico at home. I wish that they would be ranked higher. Well, it's kind of like they're floating around that No. 6.

55:36Here in a couple weeks, they've got a big, big showdown with BYU. I think he also has one loss, so, dude, it's going to be gnarly. And then they did the qualifying for the Daytona 500 this weekend, which is going to be on the 20th, which will be on Saturday. And your pole sitter is Dale Earnhardt Jr. Here he is. This is a small little step in 1,000 yards, but it's an important deal. I'm really proud of getting the pole for the Daytona 500. Yeah? Well, I'm surprised. It's nice. Dream celebrity dates. All right, so here's the question. I asked this question of men, but I have women too. Your dream celebrity date, if it was tonight, you know, tonight's Valentine's Day. I'm writing mine down. Yep. Jay, who would you pick? Man, I'm kind of in the thing for Keira Knightley. Ooh.

56:40Not a bad choice. Like skeletons, I guess. Oh, wow. I would say Scarlett Johansson. I would say Brooklyn Decker. Oh, well done. I have news for all of us. None of those women made the list. Now, this is tons of men were polled on Yahoo, and they have the top eight. Four percent of men said Snooki. Now, I'm going to guess. Blind men. I'm going to guess horny men. Horny or blind. Deaf, maybe. 9% of men said Lindsay Lohan. Probably an easy score. Probably why they said it. 10% of men said Rihanna. You guys like Rihanna. She's very pretty. Very pretty. 16% of men said Katy Perry. Very pretty. Good body. She's pretty. 16% of men said Kim.

57:45Kardashian. We're now in the top five. Another easy score. Is that what you believe? Yeah, you carry a football under your arm and done deal. What if you don't? Grab a baseball mitt. All right. She likes athletes. We are now into the top three of what dudes said in terms of the celebrity date that they'd like to go on tonight. Taylor Swift scored 19% of answers. Another easy score. Yeah. Stupidest list I've ever heard. That's called the slam dunk. Bam. And you get a song written about you. 100% you're on our next record. Guaranteed. Guaranteed. See, I think we're out of the slam dunk sex category now. I don't believe in any way, shape, or form that Taylor Swift is easy. She's a village bicycle. She may be easy, but how much fun could she be? I do not believe that she is, as Jay put it, the village bicycle. I don't believe that she would be loose, as they put it. That's how they used to say it in the 50s. That girl is loose. Number two, with 20% of the vote, Angelina Jolie. Still making a showing. Crazy love. Crazy love. Who do you guys think number one is? Megan Fox. It is not Megan Fox. Wow. This is a date. I want to go on a date with her. Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer Aniston is the correct answer. Wow, that made no noise.

59:19There we go. It's much better, Mike. Real quickly, this is what women said would be their dream date. I'll give you the top seven. 3% of women said Justin Bieber. They must have been 14. 5% said Drake. Hello, man. Hello. Drake. Sing her. 7% of women said they'd like to go on a date with Robert Pattinson. Blah. Blah. It's Pattinson. Good evening. Blah. I'm sorry. Robert Pattinson. 8% of women said that they'd like to go on a date with Taylor Lautner. Okay, this is for 13-year-olds. Don't women think that he's... I'd go on a date with him. Taylor Lautner? Yeah. You wouldn't? No. He's way too young for you. He's a baby? She's like George Burns. George Burns. I would say Gerard Butler, Bradley Cooper. Yes. I'd even say Vince Vaughn. 100. 12% of women said Ryan Reynolds. Oh, yeah, that was good. 17% of women said Brad Pitt. And who do you think was the number one dream date for women? 25% of women said it. Bradley Cooper. Incorrect. Any other guesses? Adam Sandler. According to the other ones, Zac Efron? Nope. Adam Sandler? Nope. Any other guesses? Matthew McConaughey. Nope. That's fine. Nope.

1:00:48Any other guesses? Elton John. No, just kidding. It is not Elton John. Oh, I really want to guess it. You guys can guess it. It's not hard. Can you give me a hint? Yeah. I think he's kind of feminine. Mikey? The guy from... Mikey! It is not Mikey. Simon Cowell. Ryan Seacrest. No! I didn't say gay. I don't know. The guy from Marin 5. Adam Levine, whatever his name is. The correct answer is Johnny Depp. Wiener time. 25% of women said that would be their dream. Maybe once he took a shower. Easy over there. I know that's your boyfriend. All right. Here were the nightmare dates for men. Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, Courtney Love, Paris Hilton. And the number one nightmare date was Snooki. Yeah. Yeah. I had Bette Midler. But they're also those names. A couple of those names are also on the top. I know. Yeah. Nightmare dates for women.

1:01:47Perez Hilton. That wouldn't happen. That's fantasy. Nightmare dates were Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson, The Situation, Kanye West. Oh, these are great. And Justin Bieber. Yeah, all the worst. Oh, you go to prison. All right, now here is the deal for a favorite singer to serenade you. Number five, with 8% of the vote, John Mayer. Number four, Tide. With 8% of the vote, Gaga, which is so... I couldn't in a million years picture some chick wearing a swan head with a gag ball serenading me. I don't know why. Number three, with 13% of the vote, guys said Katy Perry. Really? She'd give you, like, a little dance. She's pretty. Oh, man. It'd be worth it. Man. Number two's a guy, and so this must have come from women, but 14% said Michael Buble. The boob. Into his voice, not his looks. The number one, with 19% of the vote, guys said, little Taylor Swift. 100. Oh, yeah. Sitting there in overalls, like, eh. Really? Clown. Her T-shirt and her sneakers. Oh, wow.

1:03:20Baseball hat on. So there it is. Happy Valentine's Day. I finally saw the movie Social Network. What did you think? I thought it was a better made movie than it actually is as a movie. I thought it was really well made. And I thought the acting was pretty good. Even Justin Timberlake. But I was disappointed in finding out what a jerk Mark Zuckerberg is. Oh, that's one guy's opinion. It is? It's based on the memoirs or whatever you want to call it of his partner. What's his name? Eduardo? Eduardo. It's very slanted. Okay, but do you believe that it's true that he didn't actually do that? Because he gave an undisclosed settlement to the guy. He denies all... Let's ask Mark. Mark Zuckerberg's here. Mark. Yeah. Are you denying that you...

1:04:20screwed your friend over who developed Facebook with you? My friend, he did not develop Facebook with me. He provided some funding, and that's all he was meant to be is someone that provided some funding. But you gave this guy a settlement. I mean, so. He, well, it was advised to me with my lawyers so I could concentrate on making Facebook a global phenomenon. Okay. Now, what about the other two guys that they say came up with the idea of Facebook that you stole? I don't know who they are. You do know who they are. These were guys. What are they? Oh, the twins? The twins. Yeah, yeah. Very insignificant. Very insignificant. They developed the very idea of Facebook. You stole the idea. They had a dating scheme. A dating scheme. They were sort of like a fly buzzing in my ear. I just wanted them to go away. Okay. This is my life, so I know it's not that dramatic. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And our new phone screener is Alan. It's Alan. Alan. Alan. Neil Diamond will be in here at 730. Word of the day is amore. When you hear me say it, caller number nine gets fantastic prizes. Oh, by the way, today begins Woods for a day. So we will start taking submissions on our Facebook page to fill in for Woodsy. All right?

1:05:45Woodsy's going to be out on paternity leave. All right? And that will be sometime around the end of the month. Is that correct, Woodsy? 28th, the week of... All right, so we're looking for somebody to come in here March 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. March 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. That's a Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Correct. So we're looking for you. And we want somebody very natural. We want you to make a little two-minute video. And post it on our Facebook page so we can see it. We don't want a person to weed sports. It shouldn't sound like this. It shouldn't sound like this. Washington Redskins defensive tackle Albert Hainsworth has been formerly charged with misdemeanor assault stemming from a road rage incident earlier this month. Fairfax County police say the 29-year-old Hainsworth and his attorney appeared at a police station Saturday morning. Hainsworth signed a summons warrant charging him with the assault. And left. It should sound like this. So I don't know if you guys heard, but Albert Hainsworth, guy plays for the Redskins. Guess he got in trouble for assault. Weird. Guy was involved in a road rage incident. Happened earlier in the month. So it's got to be natural kind of delivery. We don't want somebody reading. We want somebody telling us. Yeah, don't be ESPN guy. Yeah, we don't want that. I am not. We don't want that. I would like to officially say to Mia Moore.

1:07:12Happy Valentine's Day. And I'm just now taking the opportunity to use a multi-million dollar radio station as my own personal. Real nice. Happy Valentine's Day, pal. Happy Valentine's Day. That's right. Speaking of Valentine's Day, Lauren said something to me kind of interesting during commercials when you guys were out of the room. What? Notice how she's all... I have to take this opportunity. I have to take this opportunity. Did you have the call out? Oh, wow. Yeah. You know, she looks real dressed up and real pretty today. Thank you. And I commented on how cute she looked, and she told me how excited she was that it's Valentine's Day. And last year, do you remember last year on Valentine's Day? Yeah. She said Valentine's Day was, and I quote, a bit. A bit. Made up holiday? I said it was a made up holiday. Which it is. It's a Hallmark holiday. But you said that you would never do anything on Valentine's Day. You would never get mad at anything on Valentine's Day. You're not into it. You're not into it. It's stupid. You wish it would go away. And look at her. She's wearing a heart necklace. She's curled her hair. She's dressed up. She looks gorgeous. Yes. Thank you. What? What's going on here? I like Valentine's Day. What? I do. Taxi cab confession. I do.

1:08:24Lauren O'Brien. I do. Okay. You led us to believe. For a year. For a year. I do it. I don't want to have to make a big deal about a guy. How dare you. On Valentine's Day. Because it is. It's a made up holiday. But if all the other girls around me are going to get to. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. I like it. You like the holiday. I like the holiday. Do you like to. Well, it's clear from your appearance that you also like to show love. Yeah. Now that I'm in a relationship. Don't give me this. I like Valentine's Day. Weren't you in a relationship last year? Yeah. Last year I said it. If you're going to come clean, come clean. I love it. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. She put up such a front last year. She's like, oh, no. It's so stupid. It's a Hallmark holiday. I love that. She loves Valentine's Day. It's a day of love. How can you not love love? And she walked out of here and was like, ran home, probably blew up balloons, made dinner, put a little negligee on. My mind's running.

1:09:33Did you just ever come up with stuff on your own? No. He's like, she probably sprayed this particular perfume on. High heels, you know, the whole bit. It was red. I love to wear red. I think I forgot last year because I was so flustered because we just started on the air. I like to wear red, put the hearts on. So do I, to understand this correctly. You're a romantic. I am. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. It took a year. I was so scared that Matt heard my bit last year on the radio, and this year he was going to be like, well, she's not into it, so I'm not going to waste my money. I was like, oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Wow. I've been sweating it out. So if he hasn't prepared anything, he has one more day. Yeah, that's right. He has today. Yeah. I don't believe anyone that says they don't like it. That's a girl. I don't believe them. I bet you Jay doesn't like it. No, that's a girl. Oh, a girl. I mean, they'll say that, you know, like Lauren last year, it's a stupid holiday. Well, I was single for so many years being like, whatever, Valentine's is stupid. So I just kind of got into my head where I'm like. Wait a minute. Wasn't it more like, whatever, Valentine's is stupid. It's just a made up holiday. It is a made up holiday. I thought you were with me. I thought we were on the same team. I mean, it is a made up holiday, but. But you love it. Let's embrace it. You like it though. Yeah.

1:10:45Drink it in, L.O.B. M1 Dry Hop from Fallbrook. What was the word of the day? Amore. That's right, buddy. It was amore. And you won yourself some, first of all, a $50 gift certificate, the 2011 ski and snowboard mega sale. And then you also got a pair of tickets plus pit passes to the AMA Series race at Qualcomm this Saturday and an entire case of chocolate muscle milk. And a muscle milk prize pack. What about a muscle milk prize pack, my friend? Muscle milk. Yeah. Get in shape. Nice calves. And you're qualified for the grand prize, the $200 gift certificate to the 2011 Snowboard Mega Sale. Hang on the line, okay? Right on. There it is. Brian, turns out you. I know.

1:11:43I'm sorry, Lauren. I'm sorry. It's okay. It was too big of a statement to hide. Because now it's out there for my boyfriend at Commerce, BFMC. In case you thought you were skating free on this one, I will be expecting a gift. Way to leave me out here on my own. Well, for me, it's simply when Rebecca and I were first dating, I was very romantic. I was very into Valentine's Day. So was she, you know. And now we're at cards. You know, we're married. Are you saying the thrill is gone? I'm not saying the thrill is gone. I'm not saying the thrill is gone. What I am saying is, is that, and I think that this is a Valentine's thing for most married people. You run out of bits. Yeah. Here's one. Send one out to all you lovers. This is to all you guys that have a pencil thin beard. I might have sang this to a girl on the phone named Wally. Can't be true. That can't be true. And she loved it and used to ask me to do it. That can't be true. It is a truth. And I did the Mexican part too. Weird. And she would say. You just call it the part. And she would say. And she would say. I did it on the phone.

1:13:15Why don't you go? Yeah, I'll just call it a day. I'll just call it a day. Thanks to the house. You probably take it from here. Happy Valentine's Day. Yeah, you got this, right? You've been doing this a long time. You don't need us. We'll see you later. I got to go. Take calls all day. I got to go fill out applications. I'm so sorry you guys have to know me. Oh my gosh. I feel bad for your wife. She's like, what kind of a dork were you? How old? 21. I was thinking like 14, 15. No, I was 21. That's when this came out. I was 21 when this came out. Did you shave your mustache when you sang it? I was already. You hear this? I used to sing this. That Mexican part. Don't you mean Spanish? You guys. I weighed 300 pounds. Easily. At 21? Lord, it's laughing. I wore glasses. Fake. No. Fake. You wore them because they looked cool. Cosmetic. They might have been tortoise shell. I had a mullet. It was cool at the time. In Kentucky. Playing hockey. I looked like an obese goalie. Glasses. Have you ever had a pencil thin beard? No.

1:14:54Oh, man. But I just want you to picture me on the phone. I can. Going, Tremont. Oh, wow. Might need a reenactment. Stop covering your face, Mike. A full reenactment. Stop covering your face. Maybe sing it. Don't fuck up. If we all turn around, will you do it into the mic? I don't think I can do it. You can do it. You bring these things up. Yeah, hey. Okay, we didn't. You brought it. Yeah, but I don't remember the Mexican part. I'll do that first part. I don't remember the Spanish part. Don't you? I memorized it at the time. Oh, my gosh, Mike. Did you say stuff? Nope. This one's going out to all you lovers out there in Radio Land. This is Steelheart. I'll never let you go. It's the same song that Rose sang to Jack as she was hogging up that door on the icy Atlantic. Maybe there's room for two up there. Hey, Chubbs, you want to scoot over, please? You just going to sit there and eat ding-dongs all night?

1:16:00Pretty sure I found the door. Pretty sure I found the freaking door. Oh, go ahead and keep that. Happy birthday. Go ahead and keep that jewel of the ocean, too. That's worth about nine mil. Heart of the ocean, whatever. I'll just be in here with frosties coming off my beard. But the rest of the blue people. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day, Rose. Jewel of the ocean, sweetheart. Neil Diamond next. Oh, wow. Get some. It's Valentine's Day. So Woods put together kind of a sweet mix of Valentine's songs, you know, love songs. I'll be posting the Woods serious Valentine's music on my blog this evening. What's not serious about this? Well, they're serious, but these are a little bit old. I wouldn't put this on a mix for a girl today. This wouldn't get you laid. But...

1:17:50The 27 songs I'm going to put up for you later will. It'll be like, you know, the Gypsy Soft Cores and the Tombolene Dance Drivers and Lemon Drops and Sandals. 27's a little over the edge. I went a little bit nuts this year. She might not get to the end of this year. It's a double disc and you can enjoy it. Put Love on the Rocks in there? I didn't put Love on the Rocks in there, Neil. I'm sorry. It's not really a... Relevant anymore? How old are you? I'm 35. Youngster. Yeah, that's true. Hippie. How old are you, Neil? 68 years old. 68 years of age. You look good for 68. Well, yeah, it's because I got a pressed cape. That's part of the reason I look good. And I'm also not doing what you bunch of gypsies are doing, smoking all your hash, listening to M&Ms. Is that what you do? M&M. And nobody smokes hash anymore. No. Some people do.

1:18:51In the Orient. Really in the Orient? Yeah. How about an ocean beach? Okay. Fair enough. Watch the angel dusters. Neil, what? What do we do to you? I'll tell you what you did to me. You know, you don't let me come in here. I hear Eskimo Blue Water on all the time. So you listen. Let me come on. Oh, I listen. I love the program. Good. I've always liked the Mikey show. I just don't understand why you can't let old Uncle Neil come in and sing a little bit more. Well, Uncle Neil's been a little hesitant. You've been a little hesitant to come in. Yeah. You're welcome anytime. Yeah. Maybe it's your incontinence, which is why you won't come in. Maybe it's my incontinence. That's why I don't. I just told you. Maybe that's why. You're nervous. Crack pipe. I just told you that I want to come in. Why would you say that?

1:19:50We've asked you several times. What do you do when you leave here? Are you just going to make love in the back of EWs? No. Is that it? No. You should. Yeah. Wearing your apple bottom jeans? I don't wear my apple bottom jeans. Boots with the fur. Nope. Are you making love with Uggs on? No. There you are. No, I'm not. Yeah, because you're so hip, aren't you, all of you? With your MTV and your Hills. The Hills isn't even on anymore. I don't care. Friday Night Lights. I think that's canceled, too. It's back. I think they canceled after that episode. I don't know. Great program. Nobody watches MASH. So what are you doing on Valentine's Day, Neil? Singing for you. Singing for you because I love you. It's pretty. Special version. I wrote this for Valentine's Day. Everyone shut up while I sing. Love really sucks.

1:20:57And it ain't no big surprise. I haven't played a gig in 145 nights. I can't take a drink because I puke in the sink on cheap wine. I just met a girl and I met her on my space. I pictured us making love back at my place. But when I met her at Ruby's, she didn't look anything like her picture. And when you think you've met them, they always turn out to not be them. They put up a picture on MySpace when they're really fat. But in that picture they send you that was from...

1:22:0615 years ago, all that you can do or say is chew your arm off to get away. Why do they have to send pictures that aren't them? Love really sucks. Done with my space. If I could figure out Facebook, I would do it that way. I'm going back to Japan where I know I can find a lot of women. Like me a lot. And when you find something, then you should do it. I'm a big hit in Japan. Konnichiwa. Those freaking girls in Japan. They really like me. I can't emphasize this point enough. They really like me in Japan. Oh, man, do I miss Japan.

1:23:19I'm telling you something straight here, buddy. Am I loved in Japan? Deal. What? You're losing your touch. They like me in Japan. What do you want? You like Japan a lot. Where do they like you? They like me in Japan. Pretty sure about that. Listen, hard faces. When I go to Japan, old Uncle Neil gets the job done. Do you understand what I'm saying? I think so. Get some, right? It's different than here. You pay for it there? No, I don't pay for it. I don't have to. They give it to you. Well, they know who I am over there.

1:24:21They know who you are over here. No, they don't. They have a geisha waiting for you? I walked into Best Buy yesterday. Not one person recognized me. I don't believe that. People know you. I was in full cape, sequins, everything. No one recognized me. Finally, I got on the overhead. Does anybody realize freaking Neil Diamond is in Best Buy right now? Oh, Neil. Are there any women in this entire joint that would like to kiss me on the mouth? How'd that go over? Not one, L-O-B. You didn't even get one taker. You're getting up there in years. I get off the plane in Nagasaki woods. It's a different story. It's over. It's over. I don't need the game. I don't need any of it. Women are into Bieber here, apparently. Yeah, Bieber. No, Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber. Bieber. What a disgusting name, Justin Bieber. Bieber. Makes me sick. Can we talk about...

1:25:22Let's talk about Friday night. Okay. After we did our meet and greet, we went to Pample Moose restaurant. Yes, we did. Where as a show, we all got together to recreate when we first met all of us the first time. Yeah, about a year ago. A little room in the back of Pample Moose, not even in the restaurant. It's like in their offices. Yeah. And we even sat in the same places. We did. It's where the Sopranos would eat. It is. They went to Pamplemuth. It's exactly what it would look like. There was wine boxes, crates of wine everywhere. Awesome. Awesome. Woods. Come on. What? You got to, you know. You know what? Come on. Woods. Don't. Don't. He's fond of saying, you're so fat that blah, blah, blah. You know, he says that sometimes.

1:26:20You ever just give up? You ever just? You ever just give up. You know, stuff like that. Ever just. Ever just. Big saying of him. Big player for Woodsy and all of San Diego. That's right. You ever just have three tunes? Well, at the end of the night, the waiter came in and Jeffrey Strauss, owner of Pample Moosehead, he wanted to have some desserts delivered to us. I think one of each. They were really good. And so at the announcement that Cheesecake had arrived. What's his favorite? It's his favorite. He loves Cheesecake. He got so excited. He goes, Cheesecake? Really? And he... He has a wine glass in his hand. It was a water glass. A water glass. A water glass, but it was a wine glass with water in it. A wine glass with water in it. Correct. Get it right. It's still a wine glass. And he...

1:27:20Cheesecake! Cheesecake! Yeah. Lifts up the glass as if to say cheese. Really? Yeah. And then quickly sets it down on the table. And then smashes the glass. So hard that the bottom of the wine glass comes off and only the stem is there. Yeah. The stem of the glass. Oh, God. Oh. I was very excited. Apparently. It was like that. And we all, it was like in slow motion. Like, we all looked like, did he just break the hell up? Then he held it back up. It was bottomless. He goes, perfect. I don't even remember who said it. Maybe I said it. You said it. I said, there's espresso cheesecake down here. I remember that. And I lifted it up. Cheesecake! I go, wow! And I was so excited. I didn't lift it up over my head. I barely lifted it. Cheap wine. You ever so fat you just break a glass at the talk of cheesecake? Announcement. Announcement of cheesecake? You ever just so fat that you break a glass over the announcement of cheesecake? So I wrote on Woods' Facebook the next day, easy glass. Easy glass. Ella B told me, pipe down glass.

1:28:39Trying to get that nickname to stick. It's not going to stick. He didn't even take a bite of the cheesecake. Yeah, he did. Just saying the word. You didn't like it. No, no, no. Beforehand. Just saying the word cheesecake. You were like, I'll send him into a frenzy. It sent me into a tailspin. A tailspin. Oh, my God, I laughed for 25 minutes. Well, we laughed so hard, and finally he had had enough. You could tell. He was like, all right, all right, all right. You know, I get it. Broke a glass. Yeah, after half an hour of kneeling, pointing, Sienna's on the floor. I'm like. You ever just saw me break a glass over there? Now it's going to chase me. All right, let's play Name That Tune, Valentine's Edition, 5701949. And the way that it works is we're going to play a song. Right, Jay? No, it's the romantic movies. Romantic movies. Rom-coms. So you're going to play a scene from the movie? Yep. Okay. So he's going to play a scene from a romantic movie. We have to yell our name out. You've got to pick a horse. Me, Sienna, Woods, or L.O.B. They're standing. Yep. Woods and L.O.B. stand. They're so competitive. Now, Woods and L.O.B. are probably the best of the game. 570-1949. You've got to pick me, Woods, L.O.B.

1:29:59Or Sienna. And as soon as we know what it is, we yell our name out, and Jay will call on us, and then we tell him what it was. Now, if we get it wrong, he has to deduct a point. Sienna will keep score, actually. All right, let's see who people are picking. M1RJ, who would you like? You got it. It's a good choice. He's a good player. New phone screener. Yeah, we got a new phone screener. He doesn't understand. They're all picking Woods. He's got a sign, you know, if they're not. Makes me feel good. M1 Snowman. Makes me feel great, too. Yeah, me too. Snowman, who would you like if you couldn't pick Woods? If I couldn't pick Woods, Lauren. All right. You got it. Maybe you don't. M1 Lisa, if you can't pick L.O.B. or Woods, who do you want, me or Sienna? Mikey. All right. Wow.

1:30:58M1 Allen, if you couldn't pick me, L.O.B., or Woods, who would you like? Sienna is tapping her fingers like, really? I'm fine. All right. Happy Valentine's Day to me. Happy Valentine's Day. It's been a good one so far. All right, you ready? Let's do this. Of course. The theme is love movies. The theme is love movies. So we're listening for the movie. If we know the movie, we yell out her name. Here we go. Beauty and the Beast. Wow. Very good, Sienna. Very good. Well done. Of course I knew that one. Of course she knows. Cartoon. She knows cartoons. Here we go. I love the Smiths. Woods. Sorry. 500 Days of Summer. Oh, wow. Man, you're good. Oh, wow. Woods does. You are not a man. He also does thrusting when he wants to. Yeah. Yeah. Very appropriate thrusts. Obvious. This is hard. Are you seeing Carol? She was like who? Sienna. Sienna. Love Actually.

1:32:07Wow. I can't believe you got that. Sienna's going to do good. Here we go. Directive. Sienna. Oh. Um. Um. He's the box. He's the machine. He's the alien. It's. Three. Two. It's Wally. Wow. That was a long time together. We gave her a long time. Take your time, kid. Why don't you guys just be happy for me? We're really happy. Here we go. I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big, dumb combat boots. Ten things I hate about you. Oh, my God. Wow, Sienna. Somebody's rolling today. Somebody's rolling in it. My goodness. The score's up. Sienna four, Woods one. Wow. And me and L.O.B. got nothing. Nothing. Here we go. Sienna. What? Sienna. The notebook. Damn it. Yeah.

1:33:09Oh, that was out in the rain. I love that movie. What? Never seen it. Here we go. Do you have any idea who I am? Lauren. I've never. Fifty first dates. Nice. Good afternoon, everyone. Lauren. Wedding singer. Yep. Very good. Nice, Lauren. That was Billy Idol. Oh, my gosh. Here we go. Why are we stopping? Because I can't take this. Can't take what? I love you. Lauren. Chasing Amy? Yep. Joy Lauren Adams. Oh my gosh. You make like a hundred hammers. What's the score, Sienna? Sienna, five. I'm in the lead, right? Woods, one. Lauren, three. Me, zero. So this is a three-pointer. It's our final one. Great. Here we go. Peter, as you know. Woods.

1:34:16I love you. Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Oh, nice work. That means I win! Look at Sienna! It's time. It's like five games now. Why don't you guys just say congratulations? Congratulations. I said congratulations. I said woo! Way to go, Sienna. They're cheering for him. Let's see. M1RJ, are you there? RJ, hi. Hey, Sienna did it for you, buddy. Awesome. Yeah. Congratulations. Happy Valentine's Day, my friend. Congrats. Hang on a line. Hello, boo. We have one of the weirdest woods of wisdoms. Oh, wow. Really? It's borderline mean. Something maybe people can relate to and we'll tell you when we come in. Happy Valentine's Day, lovers.

1:36:57Now that's a love song right there. Dude, this may have gotten the kid one or two times in this car. Oh, yeah. You know it, right, Tiana? Oh, of course. My wife, every single time she ruins this song for me because she goes, this song has the single stupidest line ever written in a song. And I go, what? She goes. Big top life. Circus love. Circus life under the big top. She's like, that's the dumbest thing. Really? She just ruined it for me. She goes, he couldn't think of anything better than circus life under the big top? Like, we all need a clown to make us laugh? Yes. She's like, that whole thing about the circus and the clown, she ruined it for me. Me too. Thanks, Rebecca. Now it's ruined. We all need a clown to make us laugh.

1:38:12Really with that? It's a jam. There's a million words you could come up with. We all need a clown? We all do need a clown. It's true. Maybe they're here. That's how I got my wife. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, it looks like the Playboy Mansion is in a little bit of trouble. On February 3rd, they had a party for the Domain Fest Global Conference. A real wild one. Oh, wow. About 100 people actually reported being sick after going to the Playboy Mansion for this party. So the L.A. County Department of Public Health is, you know. researching this, trying to find out what was going on. They think maybe it was the fog machines that made people sick. They don't really know. I know what it is. But people were reporting fevers, respiratory problems, violent headaches. Gross. I know what it is. What? Sushi. They watched a video of Hugh Hefner and his new wife on their honeymoon. I can guarantee you that that was disgusting. I promise you. Disgusting. I promise you. A rep for Playboy is saying, you know, it's not true. None of the staff was sick. You know, the DJ in the middle of the fog wasn't sick.

1:39:14So we'll find out what happened. A hundred people just making it up? No, it's probably food. Banned it together. Yeah. Probably served some sushi and it was bad. Also, Representative Gabrielle Gifford spoke briefly on the phone yesterday. She's good to go. Now she's speaking now. Lauren. She's going to space. Leave her alone. Lauren. The guy is returning to his job. My goodness. Her husband is an astronaut. He's going in space in April. And Lauren has a hard time with it. She's fine. Yeah, totally. She's talking now. Out of the woods. She's saying hi. She told her brother she was good over the flu. It's like getting over the flu. She's fine. She's also been mouthing the song lyrics to Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. Oh, perfect. And happy birthday. Speaking of happy birthday. Wow. Lauren wants to kick her astronaut husband right in the rocks. Yes, absolutely. He's been an astronaut his whole life. She should be okay for two weeks alone to take care of herself. If she can mouth the words of happy birthday, she's pretty good. She has family there. Does she? What's going on in sports? Well, first, Mike, sports is brought to you by Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Get some. Wow. Not the official slogan. Fair enough. D.A. Points is a rookie on the PGA Tour, and he won his first tournament.

1:40:29Pretty rad. It's the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am. His playing partner was none other than Bill Murray. And Bill Murray, he does a bit. He does the Caddyshack bit every year at Pebble Beach. And the crowd just dies. What is that? Have you seen Caddyshack? Yeah. He does the Cinderella story. Small greens. He does bits the whole day. He finally won. He won with this rookie, D.A. points. So Bill Murray won. This is him talking about it after the event. I like to have the most fun and win. And he said those two things usually go together. And I thought that's about as solid an endorsement of where we're going this week as I could have gotten. I felt like this is cool. This could really happen. So the guy actually golfs good? Yeah. Bill Murray or DA Points? Yeah, Bill Murray. Yeah, Bill Murray. He's an okay golfer, but he played lights out and is a winner with DA Points. So that's pretty cool. And then this was an interesting story. Washington Redskins kick returner Brandon Banks was stabbed outside of a nightclub after an altercation in Washington, D.C. Had a wound to his side. He needed stitches. But he got out yesterday, and I think he's okay. But scary moment for that kid. Hey, Alan. Alan is our new phone screener. Have you heard from either of your roommates yet? No?

1:41:47He has a roommate, knows somebody else that was there Friday night going into Saturday morning at Stingaree when a cab crashed into a group of people, injuring 23. Yeah. At least 23 people were injured, including a 42-year-old woman whose leg was amputated below the knee because she was pinned up against a wall by the cab that crashed into him. Now, they don't know what happened to the cab driver. They know alcohol wasn't, he hadn't been drinking, wasn't a factor. Yeah, but they think, you know, did he black out? Maybe he fell asleep at the wheel. Authorities haven't released this information, but either way, it was a big scene, really awful. The people on the street. I mean, a huge mob fight broke out after that. They pulled the cab driver out of the car and beat him up. He was taken to the hospital. We know, at least for a broken nose, who knows how many other injuries he had. Is my mic all right now? Yeah. Okay. Sound good, mic. Let's see. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And our phone screener today is Alan. Alan. Alan. Alan. All right, let's do this. You have a question for Woodsy.

1:43:01You just need to call us. 570-194-9 is the number if you have a guy question for Woods. About cheesecake or anything. Yeah, cheesecake, fashion, girls. Breaking glasses. Breaking glasses. Wine glasses with water in them. Thank you, Mike. I had one sip of wine. I had heartburns. I gave it to Jamie. 570-194-9. Idiot. We are, this is the most unusual. Unusual email. Oh, wow. We were actually going to have this girl on the air with us. And she told Jay this morning she doesn't want to. She doesn't want to because she thinks her voice will be recognized. And she wants to see if other people can help her. She pretty much laid her story out, but I thought it would be interesting to talk to her. Mikey Show, my boyfriend and I have been listeners for quite some time now and always enjoy your show. And I have a question for Woods of Wisdom.

1:44:05I'm writing in one last-ditch effort to get my boyfriend to go to the dentist and do something about his horrid breath. I love to kiss and make out and have been punished far too long by not really being able to get close enough to him to even want to kiss him intimately, let alone if you can't kiss and make out. He's a great person, and I love him a lot, but don't like when I'm even at arm's length. The last time I checked, I don't think that your bottom teeth are supposed to be fused together with plaque. Now, this is what's weird about it. It's like she's making fun of him, which is weird to me. Yeah. It doesn't sound like making fun. It sounds like reality. She's painting the picture. The last time I checked, I don't think that the bottom of your teeth are supposed to be fused together with plaque. She's not making fun of him. She's being extraordinarily, like, insensitive and biting and very, like. It's cutting. It's just weird to me because it's like, that's your boyfriend, and you're like, last time I checked, you're not supposed to. I'm like, weird. Look, I was trying to be funny when I wrote it. All right. It wasn't you, L-O-B. Oh, my God. Matt's like, what, what? No, no, no. Says, I've tried to tell him and would have assumed that when you tell someone something like that, that they would want to solve the problem. I know that if someone mentioned it to me, I would be at the dentist getting a cleaning the next day. Again, there's a lack of.

1:45:27sort of empathy yes you know she's i think she's at the end of a rope yeah that's the deal this sounds more like somebody writing about a co-worker than a boyfriend than a lover yeah than a lover a lover but she clearly has to love him if she's staying with him despite yeah that's the teeth there are so many other factors such as heart disease that need to be considered but still he will not solve the problem I would love to hear how you and other listeners would handle this situation. Please help M1K. Drop that zero and give it the hero. There's your answer. There it is. No, she likes him, clearly. Well, you know, the sad part is that she's told him before and he's like, not going. That's a dude. Maybe he's. You know, gone and he has a problem. He doesn't sound like he's gone. It's halitosis. What about a gift certificate to the dentist for Valentine's Day? Oh, wow. Passive aggressor? Yeah, maybe he doesn't have insurance. Well, it sounds like she's told him, right? She's told him what to do, where to go. He sounds like he's refused since his bottom teeth are fused together with plaque. I think this calls for like a serious conversation. Babe. You can't.

1:46:46You have to. Dude, honestly, you have a really cool dynamic with your wife, Jamie, where you guys can kind of tease and play and all that kind of stuff. But not everybody's able to be, you know, that like if it were you and your wife, your wife or you could easily say to each other, babe. Yeah. And we do. We do all the time. Yeah, but when at first you couldn't. It takes a while to get there. Always. We have always been that way. We have that dynamic. Now, but I wasn't even talking about kind of jokingly. I was saying you sit him down and you're like, all right, here's the deal. This is like a problem now. And the fact that you won't go, I'm not asking you to go get a vasectomy. I'm not asking you to go get a penile enlargement. I need you to fix your teeth. Although that would be nice. Yes. While you're there. I don't think there's a way. Honesty, dude. Yes, there is. Truth and honesty. Truth and honesty. You go in and you lay it out. And listen, his feelings are going to be hurt at first. But the way you do it is you flip it around on him and you say, listen, man, the fact that you won't go do this is a lack of respect and admiration for me. Oh, boy.

1:48:00Oh, wow. It's a little stretch. It is not. Arm's length, you can't kiss somebody? I know, but now you're, I mean, here's what, I've said this all along. It's okay to feel any way you want to feel. You just can't wipe it all over somebody's face. And that's not. That is by definition saying, now you're making it, it's like, you don't have any respect for me? It's true. You could do it in a nice way. He's probably embarrassed. You could say, make the appointment for him. And then tell him the worst thing you can do. No, I would appreciate it. He will not. I made you an appointment because your breath is really bad. I'm worried that your teeth are going through some decay because there's obviously a smell. Oh, my God. Some decay. If you don't do that, then I would be out. Let's just run through that real quick one more time. I've made you an appointment at the dentist, dear. Because there's obviously some decay because of the odor. My teeth? Yeah. So I've made you an appointment at the dentist because there's obviously. Why wouldn't you just? I don't understand. What's wrong with my teeth? I think they're decaying. I'm 25 years old. No, but I think that because of the odor. You're being really overboard right now. Babe. What?

1:49:23I can't make my own dentist appointment. We think I'm incompetent. Your teeth are dying. Oh, give me a break. They're decaying. So I had a couple glasses of wine last night. It's not a big deal. Can you imagine if your loved one told you that your teeth were decaying? It's the nicest thing you can say to someone. It's the nicest thing. What? You know, babe, I thought that a possum had died in the refrigerator. But then I... And then I realized there was no possum in the refrigerator. Then I thought, was someone hunting butt in our home? Like hunting it. And then I realized it's not butt season. So that can't be possible. Butt season's not till September. Then I thought to myself, oh my goodness. Did someone die? Decompose.

1:50:26And come back to life like the Michael Jackson thriller video. And then I realized none of that was true. It was your mouth. And scene. I think honesty is the best policy here. I really do. And concern. M1 Adam from Carlsbad. Hey. What's going on? I had an idea for her. She can tell her she wants to take him to a real nice surprise, blindfold him in the car, and just drive him straight to the dentist. Against his will. I would break up with her. Yeah. Good. She takes the blindfold off, and he's in an office. Yeah, right. In the chair, not even in the office. Oh. My first idea was the gift certificate thing, but one of you guys already blew that for me. I was going to call and say that. That wouldn't work, man. I get a gift certificate to the dentist. I look at my wife, and I go. You're a freaking monster. And not only are you a monster, you're kind of a bee, too. I'm out. She's already talked to him about it. Right. This is when you sit him down. Like, hey, babe, will you turn the TV off for a second? He sits in his Lazy Boy. You pull the ottoman up next to him and you give him the conversation. Then when Kevin from the South Bay, he had the same problem, only it was with a girl. Right, Kevin? So what did you do and what was the deal?

1:51:51That was pretty neat. Speaking my language. You romantic. And she kind of questioned me. She's like, how come? I was like, well, it's good for you, you know? And then she went into the bathroom and looked at her teeth. She's like, do you think my teeth are gross? I was like, no, I just think they need to be cleaned. Oh, God. And that was basically the end of it. That was it. And it worked. That was it. What happened? No, it was it. No, what happened? What do you mean what happened, man? I mean, did she break up with you or did she go get her teeth cleaned? She broke up with me. Oh, she broke up with you. I don't know if she got her teeth cleaned. I hope she did. But she was upset with you and broke up. Oh, yeah. What if the girl says, babe, I just got these gift certificates, a gift certificate for two people to go get their teeth whitened. Meanwhile, she works out something with the dentist and says, look, I'm going to tell my boyfriend this before we do the whitening. We clean both of our teeth because he's going to want to get his teeth whitened. Who wouldn't if it's free? Because she got a gift certificate. That's pretty good. Sienna. What? That's brilliant. Yeah, that's pretty good. Because he'll be like, oh, yeah, it's for two people. Yeah, I'll go. Because I'm telling you, I'm sitting here thinking to myself.

1:53:18What in the world could you do to tactfully? And I'm thinking there's no way out of it. It's going to hurt feelings. And not only is it going to hurt feelings, it's probably going to hurt them bad. Yeah. I'm thinking there's no way that could be it. Yep. Got a deal for teeth whitening. It's an expensive thing. It is. It's very expensive. You say, hey, hot breath. You sit down and we're going to go get our teeth whitened. Hey, poo mouth. I want to do a thing where you and I. Go get our teeth whitened. I got this gift certificate. Caca teeth. Just follow me, okay? Just follow me. Hey, how was that S sandwich you had for lunch now? Hey, rot face. Rot face. Rot face. Corn teeth. Zombie mouth. Why don't we... M1... M1... What is it? Damnen? What is your name? It's Damoon. M1 Damoon. M1 Damoon. Yeah. From Oceanside. What up? Well, I was just calling, man, because I had gone to a dentist for about, like, eight, nine years. Oh, wow. My wife's mom's actually a dental hygienist. I was just embarrassed to go. My wife would tell me, hey, you need to go, you know. More than anything, it's a health issue.

1:54:39There's veins with blood that go through the vein or through the brain. You know, it's just much more than plaque. It's definitely a health issue. All right. You know, more than anything, it's really looking out for him. Well, how would you do it, though? Why? Because you can't. No, no, no. How? How would you do it? Oh, well, just be honest. Hey, you know, it's like, you know, it's. All right. Say I'm your girlfriend. What would you say to me? What's up, sweetheart? I would say, hey, what's up, sweetheart? I'm a little concerned. It's just, you know, teeth, we have a lot of bacteria in the mouth. It's much more than your breath smell. Does my breath smell? Harsh, harsh. Oh, harsh, harsh, harsh, harsh, harsh. Harsh, harsh, harsh, harsh, harsh, harsh. I mean, you got to kind of do that at times just to get your point across. You know what I mean?

1:55:37The person is going to definitely know you care for that person if you're with that person for the right reason. You know what I mean? Thank you. I don't think there's anything worse than that. No, I guess. Well, listen to this. A text that says, this guy won't take care of his teeth. What about the rest of his personal hygiene? That's a good point. How much does he love her that he won't take care of this? She can't even kiss him. It's that bad. Yeah, that's what I meant, the respect thing. He doesn't respect what she has to say. I have a floss brush. You guys ever seen them? What is a floss brush? It looks like a toothbrush, but on the end of it, instead of bristles, it's got a little floss thing, and they're disposable. They click off, and you put new ones on it. Oh, yeah, I've seen those. And so it's like a toothbrush. I like those. Yeah, I have those. But you've got to do that. Oh, there's nothing worse. There's nothing worse than the bad breath. What are you going to do? This one says this guy obviously doesn't care about his own personal health, so how is he going to care for her? That's M1 Night Scream. This person says there's got to be an underlying issue with that guy and the dentist. The money is on the chance he's very afraid of the dentist and dental work. My money is on the chance. There you go. They have sedation dentistry you can go to now, and they give you a pill, and they sedate you, and they do their thing.

1:57:01No excuse. I read a news story a while back. It was in another country, but the girls, they have girls that work at the dentist's office, and they dress, like, provocatively to get the guys to go in. M1, Detroit County. Detroit! Detroit! East from Mission Valley. Go ahead. My friend had the same issue, man. He had bad breath, and, you know, we've mentioned to him time before. And then we decided one day we're sitting there, and his breath was kicking, you know? So we had a mason jar that was sitting over there. We took top off. I said, smell it. And he smelled it. He was like, yeah, there's nothing. You know, it don't smell like anything. I said, all right, breathe into it. So he breathed into it and said, now smell it. And he goes, wow. I said, yeah, that's what we smell every time. And yeah, he went and got his teeth clean. You know what? I think guys can probably tell. Yeah, your buddies can do that. Yeah. I'm sitting here thinking like, I hope that's not me. I know. I hope to God that's not me. I would tell you. It's not you. Okay. It's not you. Oh. Is it me? It's you. It is? Yeah. It's you. We won't tell you. That should be. No, it's not you. Smell your microphone. Yeah. Stop it. It smells delicious. Ew. No, it's not you. Do any of us? I hope not. No. No, I hope not. I really hope not. You don't. I try to have gum. I mean, I chew Copenhagen blast six from time to time, so it can't be that great. But at least that smells like something besides butt. Besides funk breath. Yeah. 5701949 if you have any, you know.

1:58:29If you have any ideas of what the person could do. Mario Lopez admitted that he was cheating. You know how he got a divorce back in 94? 2004. 2004. Yeah. Chula Vista's very own Mario Lopez. Is that right? Yes. He was married for a couple weeks to Allie Landry. Landry. Landry. I don't know who that is. She was in the Doritos commercial. Oh, my God. She was a. Of course you know her name. She was a 25. R.C. Slater, is that it? A.C. A.C. Slater. Well, you know, why they were getting, before they got married, they had a bachelor, bachelorette party, whatever. He went on to his bachelor party and has admitted just recently, yeah, I did mess around during that time, which is why we got an annulment two weeks after the wedding. Oh, so he admitted it? Yeah. I heard a great story from him. He was being interviewed and he said how he originally got busted was he was supposed to be in Cabo. And the pictures came out, and he was in Acapulco. It was a surprise thing his cousin had done for him. He was like, come on, dude. We're going on this whirlwind tour. And the next thing you know, she's like, wait a minute. You weren't even in Cabo. And then more came out. He got busted from the get-go. Maybe there's not bachelor parties. Oh, boy. Isn't that the whole point? No, it's not. Stripper. I didn't have strippers or cheat on my bachelor party. Wait, wait, wait. I love that. Let's discuss.

1:59:52570-1949. Crazy. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, The Decembrist. Garrett. The King is Dead. Who said that? Garrett. Do you like that album, Garrett? I love it. All right, so here's a question. Sienna said, well, why don't we just do away with bachelor parties? Well, the story came out. Mario Lopez has admitted that his first marriage to Ali Landry. There you go. He cheated during the bachelor party. Now, I have had a bachelorette party. Todd has had a bachelor party. I was.

2:01:23You know, fine. No cheating. Everything was good. And they're fun. But when you hear stories like this and you know, especially with guys, I'm sorry I'm going to say it. Really? They go to the strip club. They do all that. And you know, not the groom, but their buddies, their intentions are to get the groom in trouble. Oh, yeah. You know? Not necessarily. And it's like, you're getting married. Why do it? I can tell you this. Now, maybe it's different with other men. Mm-hmm. Even when I used to go to the kinds of bachelor parties where it was strip club and stuff, I can tell you the intention was not that. The intention was to see naked women and... Not buy the groom a lap dance? Well, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. But the intention was not... That's trouble. That's not fornicating. Well, that's... Well, wait, wait, wait. Touching and inappropriate. Hang on, hang on. Listen. I'm telling you right now, these days I wouldn't go to that kind of deal, and that wouldn't be the kind of bachelor party I would have. But I even remember back in the day when I did live that lifestyle, when I'd go to the bachelor parties that were at the strip club, the intention was not to get the dude laid or to get the guy. The intention was get him lap dances, get the girls dancing, blah, blah, blah.

2:02:44And the girls aren't, like, making out with these guys in there. You know, it wasn't like that. So, and I hung out with guys that were, you know, we were filthy. But isn't the whole thing like, ooh, last night of freedom, dude. Last night of freedom. Your last job before you're married. Maybe for some guys. I mean, hey, I'm not going to sit here and deny to you that I don't know guys that have cheated on their bachelor parties. But I wasn't one of them. I went to my bachelor party. It was a two-day thing. Didn't even leave the hotel on Saturday. Just laid there, just dying. You know what I mean? And I think a majority, their intentions are not good. I didn't have one. I didn't have one either. Now, okay. Well, they didn't have them in 1876. I just appointed you queen of the universe. Are you ready? Yeah, sure. You get to make the decisions. So we're going to ban bachelor parties. But my question for you is, as queen of the universe, will you allow? For us to have a bachelor party, as long as it doesn't involve strippers. Yeah, I mean, honestly, the strippers, it doesn't even really bother me. Like, Todd was just in Vegas, and I said, are you going to go to a strip club? And he's like, I don't know, we might. And that doesn't bother me. I wouldn't be like, you can't go. But I thought that was a part that you just said bothered you. The cheating is what bothers me. And guys are more, you know, willing to cheat when there's a naked girl in front of them. You have to know. Well, then you've got to, as queen of the universe, you've got to cut out the strippers.

2:04:10Yeah. Okay, so what would be, will you allow a bachelor party without strippers? Yeah, I would allow a bachelor party without strippers. You can go play pool with your buddies. Perfect world. Pool. Yeah, what's wrong with pool? That's a lot of fun. It is fun when you're with your buddies. Hey, Mike, rack them. You want to go again? How about $10 on this game? Oh, sorry. Hey, Mike, give me a $10 so I can put it in her panties. Oh, hey, Mike, look at that bachelorette party over there with giant penises hanging around their neck. Oh, they're on a scavenger hunt for men's boxers. You can put boobs on your face of plastic boobs, not real ones. Woods, you got one? Did you have a question for her? That was my question. I had the doodle stuff all over me during my bachelorette party. Of course you did. These girls walk around with wieners on their head, drinking out of wiener straws. I even had a wiener cake. A wiener cake? Have you guys seen the commercial for Vegas with the girls on the bachelorette party? Makes me sick to my stomach. Makes me sick to my stomach. I'm like, I can't believe that's a freaking commercial.

2:05:18Really? Oh, dude, it's so awful. It's all these gorgeous girls. They're in Vegas in a nightclub. And, you know, the the girl getting married has on a veil so that you know that she's like the bride bride. And her and her three gorgeous friends go sit down at this table and they're talking to these two guys. And the guy says that one of the guys says to him, it's a play on words. big day or something like that and she says she answers him in this way and i can't remember what it is that she says but whatever the answer is is like i'm not getting married and then they say what you know they put the logo up on the screen vegas and says what happens in vegas stays in vegas i'm like it's the grossest filthiest thing i've ever seen like the whole point of that commercial is come on out to vegas so you can cheat on your boyfriend yeah filthy and it would be the same thing if it was the other way around i'd still think it was filthy

2:06:17You know, bachelor and bachelorette parties are meant to be fun, but bad comes out of them. Pretty often, bad comes out of them, so be careful. Bad can come out of anything. Bad can come out of, hey, I'm going to go get coffee with my buddy. You know what I mean? It's the individual that you're marrying, I think. M1 Rachel from Imperial Beach. Are you there, Rachel? Go ahead. You're on the air. My husband and I got married two years ago. We've been together for 13 years. And we had our bachelor party and bachelorette party here. He went out with his friends here. My girlfriends took me out to Lips. Lips? Lips. Lips.

2:07:04I went there too. What is Lips? What's Lips? It's where transgenders. Yeah. Men that dress as women. Yeah. Sing to you and put on shows. It's fun. It's really fun. Okay. Sounds rad. Drinks. It's fun. It's awesome. It's awesome. And they bring you up when you're like the bride and stuff and they mess with you. So you went to Lips and he went to where? He went out to some bars around town here with his friends. Uh-huh. And then when we went to Vegas, we got up there and we did our bachelor bachelorette parties the night before the wedding. His buddies all took him out to a strip club. And I was fine with it. The only part I wasn't fine with was how much money he wanted to take with him to spend on the strippers. How did you find out? He wanted to spend, I think it was like $400 on strippers. Wow. Oh, that's enough. And I said you're ridiculous. That's crazy. It is ridiculous. Their drinks are very expensive. Now, hang on. Let me take my notebook out. Oh, no. Take my notebook out. There's a pen for you. Thank you. Got my notebook and my pen. And now I'm going to ask M1 Rachel the appropriate amount of money to spend on strippers. Because clearly $400 is too much. I have a number in my mind. I have a number in my mind. I'm going to write it down. Lauren, you put a number in your mind and write it down. And we'll see if we're around the same.

2:08:31Yeah, let me write my number down, too. That we think is acceptable for a groom to be spending. Yes, what is the appropriate amount of money to be spent on strippers? Honestly, I don't know. Oh, really, really? Just come up with one. $400 is too much. $200. $200. Okay, got it, got it. Sienna. $50. Oh, yeah. There was. There was. Lauren O'Brien and me have the same answer. Zero dollars. And. Wow, Jay says $200. What? I had, in quotes, whatever the hell he wants, actually, is what I had. Not when you're getting married. You don't need to be putting 20s in a girl's underwear. Do you guys know how expensive drinks are at a strip club? They are expensive, dude. $400? Get you 10 drinks there. I said for strippers. He said money for strippers, not drinks. Strip club. Strip club. I'm asking strippers. That was $50 just for strippers. Yeah, a couple hundred. Just go there and watch.

2:09:37You need to put the money in. You don't need to get a lap dance. If it's your bachelor party, get the stacks of wines. Give them to your boys. Everybody have a good time. You've got to buy a round of drinks for your boys. You've got to get entry. You've got to buy them drinks. I'm not talking about entries. I'm not talking about dances. Your boys are buying you drinks. You're the groom. You're not supposed to take out a wallet. What's a lap dance run these days? I haven't been to a strip club in years. Probably $20. Yeah, probably $20. So there's 20 lap dances. You're good to go. No. Well, he only ended up spending about $100. Oh, well, he's a good boy. Yeah. So that was good, and he got his lap dance. He got all that and everything, and he came home, or he came back to the hotel. He told me about it, and it was fine. We got over it, got married the next day, and it was great. Got over it. Got over it. What do you mean got over it? That's stuck in my head. Yeah. What do you mean got over it? There was a fight? Yeah. Was there a fight? No. Yeah, there was. You said, and I quote, Got over it and got married the next day. What did you get over? I guess I got over how much money he spent. You said he spent $100. How much did he really spend? He said he lost $100 somewhere. Lost it on a G-string. Wait, they're going to get in a fight today on Valentine's Day. I'm so sorry. How long ago? This was about two, two and a half years ago. You guys still married? Yes, we are. Happily? Yes. You ever bring it up? Yeah. No.

2:11:01No, I don't. I don't have any questions. Is he allowed to go to a strip club now? If he wants to. Oh, boy. That's fine. Hey, listen. Can I ask a question? Yeah. I just want to know, because I know that there's guys out there that have an answer. Why is it different? Like, if a girl were to wear what a stripper wears and go up and down on the guy like the strippers do, we would be upset as women and be like, that's cheating. So why is it different? Because she gets paid to do that? That's why it's different? Because there's not going to be anything that happens. Isn't there, though? No. Couldn't there be? Listen, let me tell you. And I was a goer of strip clubs. We'd go do appearances at them, and then we would be at them regularly. Live broadcasts. In Dallas, we were at a lot of strip clubs. Girls are supposed to be real hot at those strip clubs. Well, they're pretty. They're attractive girls. The only time that a girl would ever make out with a guy at a strip club is if she was, A, wasted, which sometimes happened. Sometimes a stripper would be drunk or on drugs. Weird. And she would do that. But those times were so far and in between because, A, if Vice was in there,

2:12:32They're going to get killed, that club. Yep. Because that kind of intimate contact was taking place. Right. Second of all, she's fired. Right. And third, she's fired. So, you know, it's bad business. But even if, okay, say it happened with just Kelly. at a club just a girl you know you see you find pictures of your dude and there's pictures of her doing what a stripper would do but she's just a random girl at a club we would still consider that cheating even if there's no making out well with one it's the girl's job and there's vice and there's like it's the girl's job and she's a stripper what about prostitute yeah What do you mean? That's sanctioned as a pimp. It's legal in Vegas. You pay for it. It's our job. Well, the difference between a prostitute and a stripper is intercourse. Right, right. And legality. Well, yeah. One's legal, one isn't. But what if your terms of cheating is not just intercourse? Isn't it the same thing? Oh, well, wait a minute. No, no, no, no. Being intimate. Well, being intimate can mean whatever you want it to mean. Right.

2:13:42If your qualification for intimacy is touching, the stripper is not doing anything more than what would happen if he arrived at a Christmas party, which would mean that a girl would hug him and they would touch. No, I've gotten a lap dance before. She puts her junk all up on things. It's different with girls. Honestly, I think that when you're married. A lap dance would be cheating. Oh, come on. Am I allowed to just go give a guy a lap dance? You think Todd's going to be okay with that? You're not a stripper. It doesn't matter. If he gets a lap dance, I can give someone a lap dance. It's the same thing. It's true. And Todd is not going to want me giving someone a lap dance. You're not a stripper. Well, we can accept money. She is a stripper. But it's okay for him to get a stripper all over him? I don't like strip clubs, but I'm going to defend them in this. In this case, getting a lap dance is not cheating. It's not cheating. I think when you're married, it is. I think when I listen, I'm not for it. I'm not for it. You know, this is with retrospect now. I'm not for it for anybody. I don't know that it's, you know, I think it's a healthy thing for anybody. But when you're married, you got no freaking business in a strip club. That's my opinion.

2:14:57You're married. You got no freaking business in a strip club. The reason that I say you don't have any freaking business in a strip club is because if you're married, that's going to put some shady thoughts in your head. And I don't care who you are, man. I don't care if you're listening right now and you're like, dude, don't put any shady thoughts in my head. Just the fact that you're saying it makes you a liar. And I don't care who you are. You're a liar or you're gay. You're one of two things. You're a liar or you're gay. Okay, if you're a gay guy that's legitimately gay and you go to a strip club and you're not turned on, okay, I get it. But if you're a full-blooded heterosexual man and you go to a strip club and you get a lap dance from a chick, you're turned on. And the only chick that should be getting you a boner is your wife. Yeah. What if you like the prime rib at the strip club for lunch? That's fine. You just go there to get your appetite. And you can even look. If you're married and your buddy's having a bachelor party or whatever, you can go to the strip club. I don't have a problem with that. It's the looking you can't touch. It's the lap dance. And lap dances is touching. Uh-huh. Lap dance goes. Touching and cheating.

2:16:12It goes, well, I mean, it just depends on what you call cheating, but getting aroused by another woman that's touching you in an intimate interaction can be determined as cheating. 570-1949. Phone lines are blowing up. We're dead, Sia. I know. Wait, wait, wait. M1HB from Rancho Bernardo. Are you there? Yes. Hi, guys. Hi. Now, tell me, did I get the Vegas commercial wrong? It is. It's a group of girls, and each night, each different girl has on the veil. Right. Nobody's actually getting married. Like, they're just using the veil to get free drinks and meet people. Good news. What does the guy say to the girl? He asks about her big day, and she's like, what do you mean big day? She's like a dumb girl because she forgot she had the veil on because she's not the one getting married.

2:17:11Nobody's actually getting married. They just took a veil with them. Because you get into clubs. I don't think that's the idea. I think she's probably right. Really, is that why it says what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas after that scene? Because we're not going to tell on you that you went... If you did that in your own town, they'd be like, wait a minute, I know that girl. She's not getting married. But when you go to Vegas... Nobody knows. You ever skeptical? Yeah, you can. I'm ever what? Skeptical. Beyond skeptical, please. Thank you. Thank you. Well, everybody's saying that's what it is, so maybe I'm wrong. Could be. I thought that when you first said it, and I was like, I'm not going to say it because I haven't seen the commercial. Now I've got to YouTube it. Yeah, well, it's YouTube. It's YouTube. Would have loved to have seen him record. Just freaking out. Just getting him. Just freaking out in front of that microphone. He had to write this song about someone. That girl. What a brilliant song. It's so simple, too. Yeah. You're so beautiful to me. Yep.

2:18:54And when he gets at that last verse, he's really... What's the last verse? He just says it again, but it's... You are... Powerful. He's really into it. Everything I hope for... And he goes... Everything I need... Guy ever contort his face? Sounds like Grover. It's beautiful. That's one of my favorites. So beautiful. Guy ever twist his body around? Gary, you got a sore throat. Gary, you're awesome. I think they guys are sucking on Ludens real good. Warm cup of tea.

2:19:45Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, yesterday, just two days after the former president of Egypt, Mubarak, had stepped down, their new military ruler said that they've dissolved the parliament and are suspending the constitution, which, you know, what... which was what the pro-democracy protesters wanted. And the military rulers also said that they're going to be remaining in power for the rest of the six months until the elections are held for a new government. Also, troops started clearing out a lot of the makeshift tents and stuff to try to get everything back in order. Yeah, that looked pretty disgusting. Oh, man. Speaking of protests. Of course, in a dead concert. More than 100,000 Italian women. have now started protesting against the prime minister Berlusconi in Italy saying, you know, he has a past of being pretty scandalous. In fact, with a young 17-year-old girl, a nightclub dancer. So now they're protesting to get him out of there. It's like Sanchez. Exactly. Yes. And really quickly, the first lady, Michelle Obama, just...

2:20:49I thought you guys might want to know because it's Valentine's Day. It says, laughter is the key to a successful marriage. Agreed. It hasn't been with us. We don't really do. You guys laugh. We're not jokesters. You laugh. You pretend like you're not, but you laugh all the time. She put elves, hidden elf in your shop. That made me laugh. Yeah, but I wouldn't say that. I would say that's a bigger element of your marriage, Sienna, and your marriage, Woods. I don't know about Jay and Kim. I don't see you guys as laughers. Not really. No, I guess not. Listen, different strokes with different folks. Your wife watch Oprah Winfrey Network? She's not married to a woman. My wife? You looked at me when you said that. No, I did. Your guys' wife watch Oprah Winfrey Network? I watched some of it this weekend because our favorite movie was on there. I tried to get Todd to watch it. And it's the greatest movie ever, Coal Miner's Daughter, but I watched it every, what?

2:21:49Five minutes, there was an Oprah commercial. I was like, come on. Rebecca watched the Oprah network. Last night, I tried to get Todd to watch it because they had one of those, I survived on it. I was like, look, Todd. He's like, no, it's on the Oprah network. I will watch it. I didn't know until halfway through. And then I was like, oh, own. Oh, no. You got owned. You got owned. I got owned. I did. I got owned. What's going on in sports, Woodsy? Well, a private funeral is being scheduled today for the longtime voice of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, Tom Carnegie. This guy started there in 1946. You will recognize this voice. Cut three. And there's the green flag. There's the green flag. And the race is on. Yeah, if you're a racing aficionado, as I'm not. You will definitely recognize that voice. Can you tell that we are in sports purgatory right now? Yesterday, guess what was on ESPN? What? Bowling. Love it. And Mike mentioned it earlier, actually, but he was doing a bit. It is true. Albert Hainsworth has been formally charged with misdemeanor assault. I wasn't doing a bit.

2:23:02about his assault? No, no, no. You were doing a bit about how not to read sports and you don't read right from the page. Yeah, you weren't doing a bit about him assaulting someone. Oh, what's so funny about that? Well, apparently this guy was tailgating Albert Hainsworth. If you don't know who he is, you've been in a box for the last couple years because he plays for the Washington Redskins and gets paid a ton of dough. Very well, very much disliked by his entire team and his coaching staff. Well, now apparently he has beat up somebody that was tailgating him. Maybe he needs... a be different bracelet. Yeah, I think he does. M1 Ray from Mira Mesa has some info on exotic dancers. Is that right? Yes. Hi. Hi. I did. I got to be part of a study. I'm a psych major. I got to be part of a study where we did some pretty in-depth interviews with some of the girls because they have to go down to the police station to get their permit for their dancing. Really? Yeah, they have to get a permit in order to do that. And every year they have to go get it renewed. And that's how they kind of, it's mainly for their safety to make sure that they can keep track of them. But the big thing is that technically the law is that they can't come within, there has to be a six feet or a six foot space between them and their customers. I know that is a San Diego thing, that that was a San Diego law that was passed years ago. Yeah.

2:24:32Right. And that was one of the big things was that, I mean, there's vice in there so often, but the girls have to do that. Otherwise, they don't get tips. So it's kind of a weird medium between what do you bust them for? Because, I mean, you know that there's vice in there, but the girls aren't staying six feet away. Right. And you don't hear about a lot of busts like that very often. And also, our survey really went in depth, asking a lot about drug use and alcohol use, in and outside of the clubs. And I think you'd be, like, pretty surprised to see what these girls do while they're actually in the club. Oh, you mean in terms of, like, drugs and stuff? Yeah, in terms of when they go to work, what sorts of drugs they use, or what sorts of alcohol, you know, they're drinking, how many drinks they consume, whatnot. You know, it's pretty surprising. It differs for every person, but a lot of, you know... The theory is that a lot of them do it because they're not comfortable with what they're doing, but they need to do it for the money. Right. And that they're really getting, you know, that's what they have to do to get themselves into the mindset of actually stripping and doing stuff like that. Yeah, which makes me think that it isn't natural, you know? Right, right. And so the idea, you know, because you guys were saying that...

2:25:57You know, one thing can lead to another, and I think that it's much more likely that that would happen because the girls are under the influence a lot more than we might suspect. Because, you know, you think you go into your workplace, you're not going to go in high or drunk or whatever, but kind of just the nature of the workplace might change that. Yeah. And as far as going home with customers and stuff, it's not like it happens all the time, but it does happen, definitely. Yeah. And, you know, there are a couple of girls that we interviewed that ended up... marrying or dating. Oh, yeah. I mean, I've known dudes that have gone out with girls that they met, and that's how they met them. Thanks for the call. We appreciate it. M1 Bear from USD. Hey, good morning, Mike. How's everybody doing? Good. I just want to know, honest to God, what is the point of a strip club? I'll even illustrate. I was in the Marines for many years, and whenever I first got in, I was living out in North Carolina, and I would go, and it all of a sudden just hit me. What is the point of going to a strip club when all I'm going to do is empty out my wallet and go home with nothing but blue balls from hell? Nothing out of it. Yeah, I mean. It's true, man. Take your money and go out to a real club. You have a better shot, you know? Thanks for the call. M1 Newby and Prince. Hello. Good morning. Thank you for taking my call. Can I weigh in real quick? Yeah. Hey, you know, Mikey, no joke, dude. I was kind of a dirt ball before.

2:27:28And, you know, since I got J.C. in my life, man, actually my brother, a bunch of my friends, they asked me to plan their bachelor parties without the strippers, without all the mayhem. Because, one, I mean, we know what it gets us into, so we don't even go there. You know, and I've done it here in Vegas and San Diego. And a lot of times, you know, my friends are a really good group of guys. They know, you know, since, you know, life started transforming that I'm done with that stuff because it does get you into trouble, man. Thanks, Nubian Prince. M1 Ellis from San Diego. Go ahead. Yeah, my only question was, I think LB was saying something about how a strip club, or I guess a guy going and getting in a lap dance would be cheating, but a girl making her give a lap dance would be the equal. But I think a girl getting a lap dance would be the equal. If a guy goes to get a lap dance, then a girl, like if I had a girlfriend and she only wanted to go get a lap dance, that's cool. From a guy? Yeah, if I'm a guy and I want to go to a lap dance, my girl wants to go get one, that's cool. That's even.

2:28:30But if she wants to go give a lap dance for a guy, that's different. That's cheating to me. It's different, though, because the guys... Like, if I were to go to... Like, I said, you know, if Todd went and got a lap dance, the equivalent to that would be me going and giving someone a lap dance. It would. And what he's saying, Ellis is saying, is that the equivalent would be me getting a lap dance from a guy. I don't agree. I'm not visual like a man is. Please. It's the same thing. It's not. It is... literally the same thing right but the problem is is that there's a difference between a girl giving a lap dance and a guy receiving one and a girl receiving a lap dance from a guy well what's the difference well the difference is yeah the difference is it's a joke not all the time really yeah you mean those sexy lap dances the guys where they're like going like this it's not It's not real. So you don't think a male stripper's ever hooked up with a girl you gave a lap dance to? Maybe he has. But the dance doesn't do anything for us. It's not like, oh yeah. The girls aren't like, oh yeah. And that's how the guys... Yes. No, you sit there like this.

2:29:44Do you? No, you might, but not the guys I've seen. No, they're into it. Oh, you're going to get into it? Yeah. Doing bumps off her butt? Really? You're just bored when she's doing it? No, but I sit like this. I've had people buy me lap dances, and I did not want them. I was there for work, and I'm just like, I don't want to be here. So it's not the same. It's not the same. But what I'm saying is overall. 99% of girls don't care if a guy is giving her a lap dance. We're laughing and embarrassed. I would say in the 80th percentile, guys are turned on by the girl giving a lap dance. M1 Jackie from Imperial Beach. Hi. Hi. Yeah, I think that how you can stop your man from going to a strip club is by being a stripper for him at home. Love it. All in. From like Spencer's and then put on some sexy lingerie. You guys can have some drinks at home. Oh, wow. Well, you know, you can't say that word. Wow, that was. I think what she was trying to say is that you. That was the worst one yet. Ever. That was the worst one yet. My words. That didn't even seem real. What she was trying to say is that you can. Then you get to make love. Yes. To the stripper. Only she said something different. You get to consummate. Yes.

2:31:04I'm all in on that. I'm all in on that. A lot of guys don't want that. It's all about the fantasy. If you can just have your wife, it's like, eh. Yeah, but if your wife is hot. Yeah, but I'm just saying that's not why a guy goes to a strip club in hopes of eventually ending up in bed with the stripper. Let me tell you this. And this is some advice that I got from a friend one time that I think was phenomenal. Married guy. He says. If you want to have a happy marriage and you are used to, you know, maybe in your life, you know, guys are visual. Let your wife be your porn star. Let your wife do everything that you would see in a porn that you want. And if your wife is down with that, it's your wife. With your wife, knock yourself out. Okay. What okay? Okay. You're in? Yeah, sure. No. Tell the truth. Because that's weird. I don't want my wife to be dirty. Not like that. You don't want your wife to be dirty? I mean, I want her to be dirty. But you want to see someone else do it. That's what you're saying? No, I don't want to see anybody else do it either. You want to see your wife in hot lingerie? Yeah, I'm all in on that. But the way you said it just felt dirty. I know. It felt wrong to me. Wait a second. Wait, wait. I don't mean like.

2:32:32She doesn't have to say creepy stuff. You guys are looking. The problem is you haven't seen the kind of porn that Woods and Jay look at. Jay's like, Mike! You want me to get arrested? That's my wife. I'm not bringing a buffalo into my house. I can't just bring up a kangaroo. My wife, first of all, my wife's not Japanese. I can't get three of her friends to come over here. I'm not going to make her throw up. Weird creep. That's why they were both like, wait. Wait, wait. He's a lady. They're like, whoa, whoa. You're talking about my wife like that again. I'm not a black guy, bro. Oh, man. Creeps. Easy. I don't drive a van, okay, pal? That was weird. Maybe I don't know what you guys watch. Nothing. Creeps.

2:33:31M1 Jake from downtown. What's going on? How are you doing? Good. Back in like 92 to 93 or 92 to 94, I dated this girl and she became a stripper, but she preferred to call it exotic dancing. And we went on tour because stripping on the East Coast is way different than the West Coast because on the East Coast, you can go fully naked and drink alcohol. You can be 18 and work where they serve alcohol. And we were at a club or a bar called, I'm trying to think of it. It doesn't matter. Anyway, go ahead. Sorry. It was called a glass flipper. And one of the dancers said the same thing as that caller said, that why do you guys come in here and give us all this money when they just go home and touch themselves and get nothing out of it? Yeah, I never thought of it. Well, thank you for the call. Sir Jake. I didn't get it. I know what he's saying. You spend all that money? 20 minutes trying to think of the glass slipper. No, he was fine. Don't worry about it, bro. I don't need to know the name of it. It's nerve wracking. It was the glass slipper. Or was it Shooter? Yeah. No, wait.

2:35:00It was cans. It was cans. The place was called. I think it was called the glass cans. No, it wasn't. It was a glass slipper. No, no, no. Mike, it was boobs. The place was called boobs. Oh, boy. He was nervous. I know, but. It's okay. Oh, man. Oh, my goodness. All right. Woods for a day. You can start submitting now. What we want you to do if you want to be Woods for a day is make a video of you. Speaking of booze. Delivering the news. Speaking of booze. Thank you. Put it on our fan page on Facebook. Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. Now, we don't want you reading. That's not the kind of news, or excuse me, sports guy. We want a guy that will deliver it in a very conversational way. And the dates that we're looking for for you to come in here and do this will be March 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

2:36:01So there you go. Don't do a woods imitation either. What does that mean? Don't do it. Don't be me. You're not going to be me. Well, what does that mean? You know what it means. Talking like me, acting like me. Don't do me. You're not going to do me. Okay. You know what I mean. So don't say get. Right. It's like if we were going to do Mikey for a day. See, I don't know what that would mean. Well, it would be like, hey, hola, good morning. It's the Mikey Show. Bienvenidos. Right, right. Does that make sense now? Totally. You're putting a lot of restrictions on it. No, I'm not. You guys do whatever you want. Just be yourself. Be yourself. Be yourself. That's what we're looking for. Don't be a woman. That's the main thing that we get. Absolutely be a woman. Maybe a stripper woman. You sexist girls. No, that was your rule. That was not my rule. And I met a girl. Yep. At you. I did. Woods met her, too. I met her, too. Met a girl at the meet and greet, said she wanted to apply for the job. And I said to her, I go, listen, those girls will eat you alive if you did it. And she goes, I'm not afraid of those girls. Listen. She said that? What's her name? Now she's got something to be afraid of. What's her name? Oh, wow. She said she was going to bring you guys food every morning. No, she didn't. Yes, she did. She said, I'm not afraid of those girls. Listen, I'm going to tell you right now.

2:37:16These girls are sweethearts. They're pretending they would be very nice if a girl won the contest. It'll be up to the judges who wins. By the judges, we mean probably the three guys on the show. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, it's open to anybody. It can be guys or girls. You want to be a sports girl for the day, you can give us your video. If you want it to be a good show, it'll be a guy. So all she'll be doing is sports. That's it? She'll be filling in for Woods. But don't we want a male's input? Yeah, we'll just have three chicks in the room. It's basically the view or what? It isn't going to be the view. That's my point. She can do sports. I don't care if a girl does sports. It's a girl's perspective. She sits in all day. We already have enough of that. Do you know there's new tampons out there? Really? Yeah. Is that what it'll be? They're searching for the OB kind. Do you know where we can find some? I love purses. Oh, my God. There's the cutest new Marc Jacobs purse. I love you. They're evil. They're evil. I love perfume. Unbelievable. You're unbelievable. But brilliant. Did you see the special of Victoria's Secret? But brilliant. OMG. Two for one panties. Don't say panties. Please don't say panties. Totally. Yeah. Let's go. You don't like the word panties? I hate that word. Why?

2:38:31Because it's filthier out of your gourd. It's gentle. It is. I think it's gentle. Gentle is the perfect word. It's gentle. It's soft. It is. Rose. It's delicate. Dude. Underwear. Panties. Underwear. Panties. It's sweet. What would you call it? Question, Woods. Let's say that you were the type of person that didn't like the word puke. Okay. Okay. You would say, I like, you know what? I don't like puke. Say vomit. Yeah, right. Okay. You don't like the word panties. What's acceptable? Unmentionables. Oh. That's crazy. Easy, Grandpa. You're the biggest. Unmentionables? Unmentionables? What color are your unmentionables? That's crazy. Can't wait to get into your unmentionables. I like your unmentionables. No, I just call them underwear. Can you wear red unmentionables? Underwear is so masculine. Dude, underwear? Easy creeper with the panties. That's disgusting. Hey, babe, you left your panties on the floor. No, I didn't, babe. I left my underwear on the floor. My hands. Yeah, I left my hands with big smear marks on them. Ew! God! Skid marks. Panties. Underwear. Yeah, hey, babe. Hey, Woods.

2:39:50Actually, I might call it what it is. Your girlfriend going, hey, you see my underwear? I'd say thong. Well, yeah, but they're not always a thong. They're not always thong, aren't they? Boy shorts? They're panties. Happy Valentine's Day to you, I guess. Red one's waiting for us. Have a great night. Underwear. Underwear. Panties. Unmentionable. Panties. Why don't you get out of your underwear? What would you say? Take those panties off. That makes me sick. Sick. Take off those underwear. I want to make love to you. My skin is crawling. I feel like I'm listening to my brother. What about thinking about your brother saying, take your panties off? It's even worse. What did I do? Took it somewhere weird. She said brother. I just said...

2:40:46Panties. What do your eyes say about your health? What do your panties say about your health? What's up with Facebook? I don't know. It's driving me nuts. It's different. I don't like it. Ask Mark. First of all, our fan page, I can't get updated comments and stuff. And then they changed the picture deal. You click on pictures now in some box. Black box. A black box comes up with a picture in it. I've had that forever. Really? Yeah, I've had the black box thing forever. How long? Oh, I've had it for three months. What? Yeah, or maybe longer. I've had it for like three days. Me too. It's driving me fatty. Three days. Everybody's always said that to me too because everybody goes, what are you looking at? It's like the picture's going by, you know, and then you can't get out of it real easy. Yeah. I thought everybody had that. Stupid. Stupid. Why do they have to change something if it works?

2:41:55Facebook works. What? We hope that you will get smarter as a human being if we put these changes upon you. Wait, Mark Zuckerberg. How are we going to get smarter as a person if you put changes upon me? The only thing that's constant is change. This is my life, so I know it's not that dramatic. Okay. You can get your business cards done. He can do your website. The guy's amazing. He did EskimoBlueWaters.com. He did. Sure did. The website looks great. Check it out. You can have him do the same thing for you. It's pretty amazing work. I wonder how she paid him. She said her dad helped her out or something. Dad's rich. Yeah, dad's got dough. What do your eyes say about your health, Sianna? A few things. Now, if you notice someone's eyes, like have you ever had a stye?

2:42:59in your eye. What's a stye? A stye is like a bump. It's like a zit almost. On your eyelid line. In high school, when I was a freshman, I had one and it wouldn't go away. You're supposed to put hot compresses on it and it's supposed to go away. And I had to have it burned out of my eye. It was awful. Oh, that hurts. But if you have a stye that won't go away for longer than three months, it could be some sort of a rare cancer. This is crazy stuff about your eyes. Be really careful. If your eyebrows are starting to disappear above your eye, they start fading away a little bit. Oh, they're growing too much. That's my problem. That's a common sign of a thyroid disease. Oh, boy. Yeah, bumpy yellowish patches on the eyelid. You've seen people with like yellowy kind of eyes, right? Words. Really? Make some up. Usually that's an indicator that you have high cholesterol, burning eyes, blurry vision, especially while you're using a computer. Yeah.

2:44:01It says that by midlife, your eyes are losing the ability to lubricate tears and stuff, which is bad. Your eyes are too dry, and it could cause problems. Increasing gunk in the eye. It's gross. It says... are conditions associated with dandruff, rosacea. It will add gunk in your eyes. There's all kinds of different things. Maybe take a shower. No. Maybe wash your face. What is rosacea exactly? Red. It's red. That can be red. Patches of red. On your skin. On your face. Use some lotion. The skin on your face. Rosacea is... It's the skin on your face. It turns red. Where did it go? Where did it go? If you ever have a small blind spot in your vision, especially when there's shimmery lights and stuff, I don't even know what that's like, but if that sounds like something, it says that you could have a problem with the blood flow to your brain. What? Yeah. If I stand up too quickly, I have spots. Really? Yeah. Are they blind? You're not eating enough. Oh. You're not eating enough. I don't think that's a problem.

2:45:16Those are the big ones. People are calling. 570-1949 is our number. Text is 949mikey at gmail.com. M1 Jeremy is on the 15. Hi, Jeremy. How are you doing, Mikey? Good. I just wanted to ask what he calls edible underwear. Lunchable? I don't know because I don't eat. Those filthy things. Don't you. Don't you. Then why do you have a lollipop in front of you right now made of ample underwear? Why do you have just gummy red stuff hanging out of cream? That was a fruit roll-up, Ella B. Yes, it was shaped like a thong, but it was a fruit roll-up. Why are you flossing your teeth with that string? Yeah, why? That's disgusting. You're all disgusting right now. Panties. He doesn't like the word panties. He likes unmentionable. It's so strange. Is it strange? Dude.

2:46:15I'm telling you. I promise you I'm not the first, the only one that doesn't like the word panties. No. I promise you. Moms wear underwear. Yeah. Wives wear pants. My wife wears a thong. Your girlfriend wears panties. Yeah, I don't think you should just put her on blast. That's not blast. It's kind of weird that you're telling us what kind of panties your wife wears. Thanks for the visual. Really, dear? Yeah, really, dear. Idiot. I'm sure her boss is going, hmm. Yeah. Poor Jamie. Is there a such thing as cell phone etiquette? Does it really exist? Especially, well, here's my thing. Especially when you're hanging out with friends and family. Like, I understand it if you're on a date. I get it. If you're hanging out with your friends. Why is everyone looking at me? Are you kidding me right now? Are you kidding me? If I'm with you guys, you're my friends. What am I, a chauffeur? You're my friend. But am I a chauffeur? Answer me that question. Okay. Glad you brought it up, pal. What do you got? Uh-oh. Here is what it sounds like to be in the car with wood. Wow. B.S. That's loud. B.S. B.S. No way.

2:47:33What are you, 14? Seriously, my wife's in the back, his wife's in the back, and Woods is just as loud as ever. Would that be before or after you were reading Onion headlines on your cell phone as I was driving us to the meet and greet? Just sitting there. Mikey just sits there. It's overly loud music. It's not overly loud. I was in on high school. Now it freaks me out. It's not overly loud. Woods is overly loud music. You were in the car. It wasn't loud. It wasn't loud. Woods. I can hear every word you guys said in the back seat. I was engaged in conversation. This guy is sitting there. The onion, onion. Let's all be friends. Telephone etiquette. You don't have any. It's okay. Admit your shortcomings. You just call them Cummings. You hear the little ding ding and you're just like, I'm out on whatever's going on in this conversation with the current people I'm sitting with. I'm in on my phone. Yes. Or I'm in on my music. You never asked me to start down or I would have. Hey, get off your phone. Why?

2:49:00It's not aggressive. Have you heard Red's new album? That's aggressive. Sorry, it's not Red. Would that make it better? You can hear me fine. You can hear me fine. What do you do when you're in the car with someone and their music is plastic? It's like... You can't talk. You can't talk. You just look around. You have to plot your cell phone so there's something you're doing that's not as awkward. That's what I do. Maybe you sit back and relax. Listen to the tunes, man. He wants to talk. I want to talk. I like to talk, too. We talk. That's why I take my phone out. That's not why. It is not. It is not. Yes. Thank you, L.O.B. It is not. Sienna, way in here. Mike, take your forehead off the microphone. Sienna, way in here. You know he does it. Of course he doesn't. No. I want to know how I missed out on the carpool. I wasn't part of it either. Yeah. Well, I guess there's three. I don't have. What do I drive? You've picked Jay up before, Kim. It was just me. Why not this time? It was just L.O.B. and Mike and Rebecca.

2:50:06I took the new car, so it's not as big as the Suburban. I'm sorry. I will drive everyone from now on. It's about time. No, I like how my car is on. Yeah, me too. I wanted to go in my own car anyway. Do you guys feel like I use my cell phone? Yes! Are you kidding? Mike, you all do too. It's an extension of your hand. You all do too. You love your cell phone more than you love me. You use your cell phone a lot. I do use my cell phone a lot. He does, too. I'm bad about my cell phone now, I think, because the baby was born. Of the five of us, the only one we can't say this to is Jay, and that's just because he uses two tin cans and a string for a phone. His cell phone is an actual rotary phone that's on his hip. I have a Blackberry. I'm just not married to it like you are. You are married to your phone. Yours is attached to your hip at all times, Jay. No, we're not. And every one of you listening, you are, too. Okay, everybody's more addicted to their phones than we ever used to be. But you, Mike, you're the worst. I'm not. I wish I only had a car phone. If there was a Betty Ford for cell phones, bro, you would need a bed in there. Is that true? Yes. You would need a bed. Get your wife on. Don't take it from us. Ask the missus, bro. But okay, in my defense, okay, on average, this is what I do.

2:51:30This is my new bit. I allow the emails to gather until Friday. And I start killing them Friday through Sunday. So that by the time I get to work on Monday, I've killed the emails. On average, if I am diligent about keeping up with work-type emails, on average, 54 emails. A day? I believe that. I believe that. Because I get like 30. So by the end of the week, it's an extraordinary amount. Absolutely. So what I'm really trying to do is stay, you know. So the onion sends you work emails. It's okay, Mike. He got me there. He got me. So my apple and your stocks. So you wait all week long? You don't return any emails until Friday? No, no, no. I don't return. I do work emails during the week. Okay, okay. Okay, so emails that are asking me, hey, can you mention the 2K chalupa run in El Cajon? You just caught the run. So, Mike, I just grabbed your phone.

2:52:47We go to lunch today, right? Yeah. What if I just held on to it? No way. Yeah, absolutely. We have lunch. Extraordinarily uncomfortable at the mention of it. But that's just like an hour. At the mention of it, you made me, you made my stomach drop. That means that wood was, wood's wood. Wood. Wood was right. You need a room for a cell phone. Yeah. I can't even hold it for an hour. He's uncomfortable with you touching it. Yeah, he's losing his mind right now. Look at him. I'm way beginning. I am. I'll just pass it around. Don't mess with the settings. You hold it. Should I throw it up and down and catch it? Oh, man. It's okay, Mike. Oh, don't do that. He's going to be like, you're fired, pal. You are fired. Okay. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Hot potato. It's not your wife, right? No. Oh, okay. I was just coming out of my skin watching you guys do that. Oh, my gosh. Oh, that made me something.

2:53:50Fusion is nothing. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, The December is during. King is during. BFMC coming strong. Wow. So strong. That a kid. L.O.B.'s boyfriend, her boyfriend Matt Commerce from BFMC, brought her a dozen red roses and a card. Chocolates. Chocolates. Well done. Crack those open. Let's take a gander. I got you chocolates. You have your own chocolates. You like Snickers? Oh, they're assorted truffles, Mikey. Mikey! He came in with that, and I'm like, oh, man, Woods. We're dead. We better rise to it. Nordstrom's right after this. Woke up this morning. My wife had left me a nice Valentine's card. First thing I see, and I said out loud to myself, I go, I saw it, I go, I'm a monster.

2:55:01I woke up to nothing. Ours is planned for later. So is ours. I didn't do anything this morning. I didn't either. I thought ours was planned for later. I really try to make Valentine's Day all the time. I try to be a lover. I do too. I do. You guys are good about it. You give your wives flowers for no reason, which is the best. She kills you. Everything gets erased on February 14th. It doesn't matter if you're the romantic guy 364 days a year. Come on. I'm telling you, it's just the way it works. It's like reset, right? I think secretly it's like a competition between women. Like we want to be like, I didn't get anything. She got something. I didn't get anything. Yeah. She's right. Yeah. She's right. Because you know what's going to happen. is the Facebook statuses are going to start coming. Are you sent mine? Well, it's not just that, Woods. You're also going to see the Facebook status from the girls that say, my hubby is so sweet. Not only that, they're going to take pictures of the flowers they just got at work and post them. That one's a big player. Do it, Lauren. Post it. I got an idea. Lauren's doing it right now. Yep.

2:56:19For my wife to see it and go, oh, nice. Broseph, as soon as we get out of here, we head over to Nordstrom's. We make it right. We get a couple little trinkets and whatnot. We take it down to that flower shop in Encinitas and make it real right. Gosh darn it with that, though. You're making it. You're so much pressure. We're going to go together, though. It'll be easier. No, Mike has a big thing planned this weekend. Yeah, I know. Is that on February 14th? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. What did L.O.B. just say? No, the card says like. This weekend's going to be so special. Well, you have to get something, a card, but you don't have to go as big as Nordstrom. He does. He's projecting. Roll with the kid. We'll spend the day together. It'll be great. You should spend it with your wife. She's at work. Maybe you send her flowers. You guys, you don't need to get everything. Just get them something little. She's out on appointments. Barbershop Cortez. You guys don't have to show up at your wife's work and just bring flowers. In person. Thanks, Maddie. And then hang out while you work. Great. But you know what? Now, Matt, you have to do this every year or else you're in trouble. You're going to have to go bigger. Brace yourself. Great. So, you know, we've talked about this. Oh, wait a minute. There's people now getting phone calls about Valentine's Day.

2:57:46I'm on Chris from Oceanside. Hey, what's going on? What's going on? Little guy. I didn't mean it. No, I know. No, I'm sure. I would have said cubby. I know. Mikey, come on. I know it. Come on. What's going on? 102 listener. Long time, dude. That's a long time. That is. Circle of friends. Since 102. It's a safe tree. We're in the trust tree. Exactly. There we are. It's not the filet fern. Got it. So, yeah, I figured what a better day to, like, you know, share the love. And it's something I kind of wanted to say, you know, real quick. But after the old station, you know, it was like, God, where is he going? And that was, again, my birthday, December 17th. So that was the irony behind it. Happy birthday. Would you compliment to you? I never thought anyone could be Mikey's right-hand man. Thank you. And even better. Thank you. Dude, I mean, bromance, I'm seething with bromance for you. Thank you very much. Totally, dude. Diana, day one when you covered maternity leave, oh, I mean, it wasn't because of the velvety pipes. It was just everything. Thank you. Your delivery, girl. I mean, I can't believe how much talent you and L.O.B. have for your age. That's true. It's ridiculous. Jay, you're feeling a big pair of shoes.

2:58:52Johnny, oh boy, that big pile of a man would be very proud. That's right. He may not say it and come out and compliment me. No, in fact, he'd probably despise Jay. Yes, he would. But you got to, I mean, don't pull back too hard on the reins because I love it when Double Over the Top Jay shows up for work. Everyone does. More like Triple. More like Triple. Yeah, pretty much every day these days now. And last but L-O-B-licious. That's right. Yeah, baby. Why don't you drop that? What's his name? BMW? Yeah, I'll buy you a car, not roses, baby. That's great. Why don't you come on and jump over to my side of the tracks and ride the Soul Train? Oh, wow. Let's get into it. You know, her boyfriend's listening right now. He's in the studio. Only kidding. Only for the sake of radio, dude. Hey, Chris, we appreciate it, bro. Thank you. Thank you, man. Love you. We'll see you. Thanks, man. It's kind of uncomfortable at the dinner that we had for all of us at the, you know, all of us here on the Mikey show. We had our dinner. Year anniversary dinner. Year anniversary dinner. And it was kind of uncomfortable at a couple of points. Well, you know, something would happen. Something would be said.

3:00:02About a black guy, and we would all go LOB and BFMC sitting right there. Yeah, he does it too. He does it too, though? He does it too? Yeah. Good. What a good sport. A black guy of any age would be like, LOB. That is a good sport and brilliant. He knows I love him. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we will, and it's true, we'll see an 87-year-old man and we'll go, LOL. Or a five-year-old little kid. We do. Well, Hillary's here. Hi, Hillary. How are you? Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day. That's right. Beautiful flowers, LOL. Thank you. Lovely. Well done, BFMC. That's right. So we... Do you agree with this whole thing? It doesn't matter what you do for your wife during the year. Even if every day of the year you write her a special note, you do something nice for her. On Valentine's Day, something must be done. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's that cumulatively, it definitely helps. But, you know, yeah. It's a nice day to do something. I think if nothing was done, I would be sad a little bit.

3:01:19And not every guy is good at being a romantic. So it's the one day of the year you have to be like, okay, I'll do the gushy thing. And put some thought into it. What about guys? What is our day? Every day, probably. Oh my gosh, are you kidding me? Your day is every day, mine is every day. It's true. Bro, your wife takes such... You're like a four-year-old and so am I. I know, but like... Our wives take such good care of us. The dude. Such good care of us. What valor. You deserve a little something. I'm telling you. It's true. Guys deserve a little something. Are you going to get. You got something. My wife's buying me a present today. I'm stoked. I don't know what it is. I hope it's sunglasses. Trust me. If you play your cards right tonight will be your night. Intense. Wink. Wink. I made a breakfast for my husband Jeremy Saturday morning.

3:02:18Sunday morning and this morning. Wow. Incredible. My daughter and I, we made Saturday morning, we made pancakes in the shape of X's and O's. Sunday morning, I cooked this big thing in the oven. And then this morning, we made toast. And then you take the heart-shaped cookie cutter and stamp it out and then crack an egg in the middle. Did you? Egg at a basket. Did you pound it out? Oh, God. What did you say? Yeah. Did you? How do you like your eggs? Hey, Hillary, did you... Fertilized? Over easy. Did you butter that toast? Ow. Hey, Hillary, it's Jack. May I have syrup on you? Did you have to... You guys are making my mouth water. Oh, my God. What flavor was that, Joe? Did you squeeze two oranges for juice? Or did you make lemon juice? Get it? Get it? Did you pour them a clump? Get that one, dude. From your boobs.

3:03:32Okay. Too far. Too far. Yeah. And I think that's it. On the Valentine's Day. Yep. Well. See you in the morning. Get some, fellas. That was visual. Well, Hillary, what do you have coming up on your program today? I like that. I know. Jay was stumped. Not the breast milk, but the whole thing. Yeah, that whole thing. Okay, Arcade Fire played a song last night at the Grammys. They won Album of the Year. So cute how excited they were. So I'm going to play the song The Month of May that they performed. One of the two songs they played last night at the Grammys.

3:04:31And New Rise Against Modest Mouse. Grammy Award winners, the Black Keys. Yeah. That's right. Real good. All right. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next. We'll come back tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock and do this again. Mikey shows out late.