The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 02/16/11

0:06Oh, yes. Yes. Woodsy's back. Makes me feel comfortable. Thank you. And we're all here and we're ready to rumble. So pick up your telephone and call us up and say hi. 570-1949. It's a turd of a day outside. Looks like garbage. It's going to be garbage. It's going to rain on us. And, Sienna, do we know how long this is supposed to stay this way? Until the end of the weekend. Are you kidding me? Yeah. Oh, wow. Well, it says, you know, it kicks off this morning as we woke up to rain. And today it's going to be up to three quarters of an inch of rain. We'll fall along the coast up to an inch in the inland valleys. Thursday, tomorrow is going to be...

1:24They don't think any rain or else just a tiny bit, but the temperatures are going to be mid-50s to low-60s Friday and Saturday. They say the core of the storm will arrive late Friday. Oh. Great. So look for an ugly weekend. You know what it sounds like to me, Mike? What? McDonald's Day. McDonald's Day? Grab a little Mickey D's, take it home. Take it to the house. Eat in bed. So like every other day of the week. You're not supposed to be encouraging him, Woods. Listen, Woods now has me to the point that I'm just looking for a reason. Maybe like movie day. Oh, movie day. It's movie McDonald's day is what it is. Fresh Big Mac, fresh fries, Coke, maybe some nuggets. Get in bed, watch a movie. You guys going to go back to your house, Woods, or his house? Sure, it's fine by me. I'm looking at a picture of the radar, and the worst is... Yet to come. Perfect. It's out by Hawaii right now, this storm system that is approximately the size of the western United States. And I'm not kidding. This storm system stretches from way down, like beyond Cabo. Okay? That's how far south it is. And it's as north as the state of Washington. Wow. And it's moving towards us. Get ready.

2:51There's no snow in the mountains. Yeah. I don't know how long it's going to take to get here, but what we're getting right now is just little wisps. That's what they're saying. The core is coming on Friday, Friday night. We should probably just take it to the house. My goodness. Yeah. You know? Take it to the house. And it looks like it's going to pour those. You know, once it hits, it looks like it's going to pour. I love a good rainstorm. I do, too. Yeah, I do. It saves me money. I don't have to water my grass. That's right. That is true. I love it, just not for five days. Well, I like it, too, because I made this big recyclable bucket that catches all the rainwater, and then we have something to drink and shower with over those days. Now, it's cold. But I just tell everybody, I'm like, Kim, sack it up. Jasper loves it. It's like a hot tub, but cold. Cold tub. I just, I'll say, Liberty, it ain't that bad. Just come on.

3:54Just put on a wetsuit and shut up. That's right. What do you think they did back in the cowboy days, Dad? It's 2011. We have showers here. Yeah. Well, guess what? That just saved us $1.75. We got a stovetop. Heat it up. Heat it up. Hey, no, no. Don't get crazy. Yeah. We're going to waste gas. Wait till that sun comes out. It'll warm up. It'll warm. Don't take a shower until 3 in the afternoon. Duh. Duh. There's nothing. I love you, Jay. 570-1949 is our number. And you can call us right now. So I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I'm 40. You know, drastically, drastically overweight. Stop it. We have a scale. Drastically overweight. Yeah, just, you know, probably terminally overweight. Yes, me too. I'm afraid to get on this scale. You know, I haven't been on it and I'm afraid to get on it. And so that's my story. Woods is our sports guy. He's 35. He's a little league coach and thought then a kid soon. He's got a wife named Jamie who's blonde. And speaking of blondes, there's a blonde sitting to my right. She's got on her Amelia Earhart aviator jacket today. She is 30 years of age. She's a stand-up comic and we love her. Her name's L.O.B. To my left.

5:21is Sienna, and she has a baby. She's got a husband named Todd who just loves his Toyota Supra, and he's not going to back down from that Supra. He loves the thing. Oh, he loves it. He drives a Tahoe now, but he won't get rid of the Supra. I don't blame it. Just sits in the driveway. And Jay... It's an investment. Jay's our producer. That's what he'll tell you. Jay's 47 years old. He's got four kids, and he's very frugal. Frugal. He's frugal with a dollar. Thrifty. Thrifty with a dollar. Make a dollar go a long way. Resourceful. You got it. Our phone screener today is Chris. It's Krah. It's Krah. You know what we didn't tell the audience? You know what we didn't tell M1s? You're M1s, by the way. Our Mikey Show listeners are M1s. And what is an M1? First of all, there's no sign up for it. It's not like you have to register. You are an M1 if you are simply a major fan of the Mikey Show. revolution that is taking over and becoming the biggest thing here in San Diego. And what do you do if you're an M1? Well, first of all, you call us. You call us at the beginning of the show. You turn your radio down, get to the point, and don't cuss, and you're always making new M1s. You're creating new M1s all the time. You listen for long periods of time. We prefer that you listen to us on the radio, not on the internet. That's what we prefer. And we love you.

6:47That's a deal. You're like family. M1s are a family. So we didn't tell M1s that when we went and had our anniversary dinner as a show on Friday night, this last Friday night, halfway through the dinner, we get to talking about Chris and how much we love him. You know, Jay, of course, was like, y'all don't give him a big head. Don't inflate his head. Knock it off. And we were all just talking about our love for him. And I was like, we should just invite him here right now. And we called him. And he couldn't. He was such a good guy. He was a designated driver that night for his friends. Of course he was. Of course he was. He was healing sick children as he was designated driving. Running out of a burning building. Yeah. I guess he was just getting up in trees and saving kitty cats, right? Is that it? Y'all shut up! Raising money for the poor. Yeah, eventually he's not going to be able to get out of the studio because his head's going to be so inflated. He was drunk. So, okay, we got a lot of stuff to talk about, at least of which is this disgusting weather. I cannot stand rain. I don't like it. I like sunshine. And we got it for a while. I welcome that soaking wet.

8:10I'm so mad this morning. Welcome to this. You know what? Here's what I hope. I just hope that when this is all done, that warm, beautiful weather comes back. It will. That's what I want. The warm, beautiful weather. The guy that was driving the taxi that ran people over at Stingaree, Egyptian guy. What's up with him, Sienna? Well, there is an investigation underway right now. They're saying it's going to take at least two weeks to complete. What they're thinking right now is that he fell asleep or blacked out behind the wheel. Now, they're saying his taxi permit is at risk depending on what the outcome is, obviously. Investigators actually went to his house as well. They looked at all medication he had. They took his iPhone, cameras, laptop, computer, thumb drives and Arabic writings, all this stuff to do this investigation because 23 people were injured and one woman almost lost a leg.

9:12That woman has been at the hospital. She's an Encinitas mother of two, 42 years old. And she's undergoing her third surgery, which is set for today to work on the bones. She may need a fourth operation on Friday. She's going to need a muscle transfer to cover up the exposed bone, arteries, nerves, skin grafts. I mean, the good thing is that she was able to keep her leg because, in case you didn't know, she was pinned up against the wall outside of Stigri by this taxi cab that just came crashing into this crowd. of people almost two in the morning you know people leaving the bar i mean just such a sad story so we'll see what happens with this cab driver um but yeah he's been licensed to drive a cab since 2003 you know man yeah we'll see it's a huge story man no criminal charges have been filed yet it's unbelievable uh this is crazy so woodsy and jay tried out for the tv show wipeout And they did this how long ago? It was November 2nd. It was my anniversary. Really? Yeah. November 2nd, they tried out for it. Happy anniversary, babe. Yeah. And they didn't make it. And new season of Wipeout has been on TV. And, you know, I've even seen it, you know. I'm like, ah, what a bummer these guys didn't make it. Well, guess what? Jay got an email from Wipeout. Oh, you did too? Me too. You both got it. Both did. Yeah, they won us.

10:38Potentially, it's still up in question, but we made it to the short stack, is what she said, and that it's our employer employee. I'm the boss, like bosses and employees. That's employee show. Yeah. It's on the producer's desk. That's great. Oh, my gosh. Our video. Oh, my gosh. That is great. We'll see. How could you not make it? They were dressed up. We were dressed up. Wow. Tell us what you wore again. Jay made me wear a tank top and a headband. Ew. We look like the Harlem Globetrotters. Yeah. The fat, white Harlem Globetrotters. No, we didn't wear wigs. I only did what I could to get woods to go that far. Wow. That's fantastic. Yeah. If you guys end up on the show Wipeout, that will be huge news. Oh, it'll be huge. We'll get killed. We wear Mikey Show shirts. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I need, well, it depends. They may want us to recreate what we did before. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, Woods would be so upset. In a headband and a freaking tank top again. You look great. You look really hip. I need Woods to get into the gym. Stat. Oh, wow. How's that feel? I'm telling you. He needs to be able to hold his body weight up. I mean, they try to kill you. You are so harsh. Hey. Woods just put his head back. Like, really?

11:56Look, I yell at Chris. I yell at him, too. Hey, he ain't no more special than Chris. Should have heard him with me yesterday, just calling me out. He did? Jay was brutal. Hardcore. What'd he do? Dude, he was on one yesterday. We were talking about how my wife was very sweet and in a very, I thought, tactful way, let me know, hey, it's time to lose some... Wait. The email that she sent you, right? She sent me an email, and she told me what she had packed me for lunch, and she said, it's time to get in vacation shape. Okay. And so I thought that that was a very tactful, cool way to do it. And Jay says, yeah, well, what about that burrito that you're sitting out to hear? Who's that for? Who's that sucker for? And I'm like, oh, boy, you know. Just trying to help. Tough love. He called you out on the air? On the air. A few times. For eating a burrito? Yeah, you did. And he would bring it up. He would use the opportunity to just bring it up occasionally. He also talked about your lack of movement. Yes. Yeah, he did, LLB. It's true. Just general poor diet. Tough love. That's right, Lauren. I had...

13:15Forgot about that. It is right. I want you to be around for a long time for those kids. Okay, okay. Jay. What do you have for lunch today, Mike? Can you imagine Jay at home with his kids eating dinner? Yo, eat that dinner. Eat it. It's carrots. I know you don't like them. Eat it. Eat your carrots. Eat your porridge. Yeah, eat your porridge. Eat your gruel. Listen. I spent. $82. I spent 82 cents a pound on those grits. Eat them. Your mama made that butter. My kids are all healthier than I am. They all eat. I don't know where they came from. Good genes. I don't know where they came from. No, they eat healthy. Genes are a factor, Jay. Of course they are. They eat so healthy. The guy's just thin. There could be soda in the refrigerator. They will not drink it. They will drink water. You know what it's like? It's crazy. It's like somebody that's born with blue eyes. And they sit there and they're like, why don't you just have blue eyes? Yeah. Come on now. It's not true. My mom and dad were both hefty. Hefty. By hefty he means completely normal. No, no. They were big, happy people. They ate ice cream and Oreos every single meal. We'd have meat three times a meal. Yum.

14:34Now, we would butcher it ourselves. Yeah, we would, actually. Did you really? Oh, yeah. You had like a butchered your own cow? Oh, I told you the story about walking into the barn, and there was a cow. I was like, how did my dad get that? Hung up there. How did he get it to stand up on his hand legs like that? And it comes, ee, ee, ee. He's spinning around. He's got like, ah! Wow. Silence of the Lambs. Yeah, for sure. I was watching Andrew Zimmer in Bizarre Foods. That's weird. And he went out to some place in Pennsylvania where they raise these pigs, and they're so cute. And this woman had named all those little piglets. Oh, that's a mistake. I know it, but she's been doing it for years. And, you know, they've got to dispatch them and cook them up. Scrapple, they make it into. That's what it was, L-O-B. I know. Have you guys ever heard of Scrapple? No. It is hideous. What they do is, what they do is, they take a... I even thought of L.O.B. because it was an area of Pennsylvania they said was close to New Jersey where L.O.B. grew up. But they take a gigantic vat and they butcher the pig and they take the spare parts of the pig. Okay? Like, not the good stuff. The stuff that nobody wants to eat. And they boil it until it's cooked. Okay? Then... I'm nauseous already. Yeah. Then...

16:03They take that stuff, put it into another big vat of water, and they just cook it and cook it until it breaks apart, okay? And one of the things that they'll break apart is prepare yourselves. Oh, no. The pig's head. Now, they will boil it down until it comes off, and then they just take the meat part and the water, and they add oats. And they mix it until it looks like something like oatmeal. And then after it turns into this very thick oatmeal porridge-y type stuff, they make it into patties and they grill it on a skillet. Oh, what? Really? And the people that have been doing it their whole lives, they love it.

17:03And they have their own secret spices and stuff that they'll put in there. What do you think sausage is, you guys? It's a lot of boiled parts. I don't want to hear about it. I'm in. It looks gray to me. It does. Minus the oats, I'm in. Oh, it looked hideous. It's gross. You would eat it. They also make pork roll. It's pig scrapple. I'd eat it. I'd eat it. Pork roll is good. That's like Taylor Ham. You guys know that? Is that a brand? Yeah, that's a brand, but it's a type of, it looks like a piece of ham, but it's like in a circular disc and it's about this thin. About an inch? Half an inch? No, maybe even like an eighth of an inch. Yeah, it's really thin. What do you do with it after you cook it? Do you just eat it with eggs? Usually have it with eggs, like a pork roll and egg sandwich. I'm sorry, there's nothing better than Jimmy Dean smoked sausage cut up and fried in a pan. That's true. With scrambled eggs and toast with lots of butter on it. Oh, you'd like pork roll. Oh, my gosh. You'd really like pork roll. So good. Pork rolls was my nickname in high school. Perfect. My nickname now, so. Hello, me. M1 Chemistry from San Clemente. What's going on? Married a couple weeks ago to a Navy corpsman. A bunch of his buddies were in the Marines.

18:32Together, they're all a bunch of special forces. They're called MARSOC. Those dudes are bad, man. Awesome. Yeah, they're some of their coolest guys. I mean, they've got a little bit going on upstairs, so they've got to be a little different. Those dudes are men. Oh, gosh, the training they have to go through. They puke. They work so hard, they're throwing up, and that's how they weed out the guys that can't do it, that can't hang. All right, man. Appreciate your time, guys. Yeah, you bet. Something's wrong with Jake, my son Jake, with his leg. And we don't know what because he's high-functioning autistic, and one of the challenges that he has is articulating what happened. And so we don't really know. Rebecca thought he woke up with it yesterday, and every once in a while he'll play like he's more hurt than he is, and he does it.

19:32You know, because he's doing a bit. Playing possum. Playing possum. Well, this wasn't that. You know, he was limping. And his teacher called Rebecca because she's gotten to know the teacher really well. Called Rebecca and said, hey, Jake's like limping and he's not kidding around. And she said, OK, so, you know, she brought him home and it's obviously not broken. And it's on the. Outside of his upper thigh. You know, he can point right to where it is. And it's like right here. Could it be like some sort of growing pain? I wonder. Because I remember being little and getting a bad and you feel him in one spot, you know, at a time. Yeah. He could just have because I mean, I don't know, you know, how Jake is about articulating really, but. If he fell or if it was a serious injury, wouldn't he remember something and be able to say something about it? Not really. Really? No. I mean, maybe. But a growing pain, I mean, when you're not preoccupied, you feel the pain and you notice it. But if maybe there's something distracting him, he'll forget about it. And then it's not going to really go away for a few days. Well, he had like a major limp. And he wanted me to pick him up.

20:54So I picked him up like you're carrying a soldier. And when I did, he winced. You could tell it hurt. And so I went and got him some ibuprofen, which they don't have any brand name ibuprofen. That's all the stuff that was recalled for kids. So you can't get it. You got to get the generic, which I don't want to because that's another part of his deal is that he doesn't like food. He doesn't like, you know, and so eating anything besides baby food or, you know. He didn't like the melt-aways? Could you have chopped it up and put it in the baby food? No, because it's liquid. The stuff for little kids is liquid. You can put it in there? Oh, he would know. You don't have the tablet that just melts? It's ibuprofen. So all it is is liquid. And they don't sell Tylenol right now because it's off the market. They recalled everything for kids that has ibuprofen in it. I'll slide you some on the side. Yeah. Make you a deal. So we, you know, he didn't want to take it. He didn't want to take it. And so we have to bribe him with clapping and cheering. And I've got this new bit where I will clap and cheer so much that I'll jump off the bed.

22:11Wow. And that's usually something. He loses it. He loses it. He loves the clapping too. I want to see that. Can you show us that on the couch? On video. He loves clapping and cheering. Demonstrate it. Demonstrate it. But he does not. Okay. I need to get it. Wait, wait. Get a video camera. Hold on. Somebody's going to get a video camera. Okay. He's taking his headphones off. He's walking towards the couch right now. We have a big couch in here. No, don't video me. I'm going to go away. You're not really over it. The camera adds 10 pounds, too, pal. He's standing. His feet are underneath the cushion of the couch. Look at that balance. He's like a world-class athlete. Okay, the balls of his feet are balanced on the couch. Okay. It's like Carl Lewis. Looks like a back flip. Ready? Here we go, Bubba. Yeah! He just jumped off clapping. One big jump. That's good. And he flips out. Flips out. Flips out. He loves it. That's his favorite thing. So that's how we have to bribe him with taking the medicine. So he took the medicine and about 40 minutes after he took the medicine, because he's a kid, you know, he's limp running around like he's he's running, you know, but he's he's limping, you know, but he still wants to be active and doing stuff. So we don't think it's like I don't think it's anything super serious.

23:29But gosh darn it, it just hurts my heart to see my kid limping. And not being able to explain. And not being able to tell us what the deal is. There's no bruise? No. Wow. There's no bruise. And I said to him, you know, because he loves numbers. Okay, Bubba, zero means it doesn't hurt at all. And ten means it hurts a lot. Pick a number. of how bad it hurts. And he said 10, and Rebecca goes, that's not. That's the kids. Yeah. She goes, it's not a 10. She goes, if it was a 10, he'd be crying. Yeah. Screaming. You know? And he woke up from his nap crying. Oh, no. Because he had a bad dream. Well, so Rebecca's, me and Rebecca are like, well, we're trying to discern, is it the bad dream plus the thing, or is it just the thing? And he can't really articulate. You say, did you have a bad dream? Yes. What was the bad dream? I didn't like it. What did you dream, Bubba? I didn't like it. Well, what was it? What was it that you dreamt? It made me sad. Well, what was it? Yeah, he just can't tell you. Yeah, it was a bummer. But she's going to write me and tell me. I told her to write me as soon as she got up. She may have already written me back. No, she didn't.

24:51No, she didn't write me back yet. It could be a pulled muscle, too. I guess it could be a lot of things. Yeah, bone bruise. Oh, yeah. I don't know. If he's, you know, running around, that's a good sign. Even if there is a limp. But if he was really hurting, he wouldn't want to do anything like that. He'll work through it. Yeah. Haven't been through this yet. No, I haven't been through. I've been through a bunch of stuff that just makes me go, oh, whatever. Get ready. I haven't been through. A kid limping yet. Stitches. Oh, gosh. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Broken arm. Yeah. I've had it all. The audio that I'm going to play for you, you're going to love. You're going to love it. It's from Australia. And it's a passive-aggressive comment on the news. And it is from one, like, newscaster to the other newscaster, male, female. Who have obviously had a relationship with him. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Probably disciplined for it. Wow. It's the number one alternative song in the country right now. Mumford and Sons. The Cave. Great song. The food for you to eat. You cannibal, you meat eater, you see.

26:39But I have seen the same. I know the shame in your defeat. Sounds like a nursery rhyme almost. Here comes the harmonies. But I will hold on hope and die. Good. So good. I feel like I'm walking on the sidewalk alone. Yeah. And I'm lost. You know why I can't, you know why I don't get it? Yeah. I don't know what kind of, I don't know what kind of music it is. Irish. It's like Irish kind of banjo folk rock. Irish folk. But I've, but I. But I don't listen to Irish folk music. Now you should. But it's got a rock twist to it. Like rock like ACDC? No. You mean rock like the police? Not hard rock, like rock and roll. Yeah. Rock and roll like Elvis? Classic rock. Like Led Zeppelin? No, maybe. Do you see where, that's where my brain can't, I can't figure it out. I'm like.

27:40I don't like Irish folk music, and I'm not used to listening to Irish folk music, and I'm not used to this. It's not mariachi, but it's just something different. I like it. I need mariachi. The Rolling Stones is rock. You don't have to label your music. Just like what you like. He likes to have it in a nice little package. Yeah. I like it to make sense to me. Makes sense to you. Okay. Guess what? We're going to play this woman and this guy getting into it. Well, they don't actually get into it. It's just a passive aggressive comment, a very, very inappropriate passive aggressive comment that happened in Australia. And clearly these two were or are in a relationship of some sort in there. You hear it. Incorporator at 730 and Woods will be calling a print shop.

28:42And he'll be using Jay's voice. Like this. Why wouldn't you? Why not? Word of the day, I have not said yet. It is pepperoni. That's the word of the day. Pepperoni. I'm surprised you haven't said it yet. Really? Okay, okay. So when you hear me work the word pepperoni into a sentence, this will be caller nine. And we'll do the snowboard mega sail and the AMA series at Qualcomm again. qualify you for the big $250 certificate to the snowboard mega sale. Rain or shine. Looks like rain. Yeah. Rain. But it is rain or shine, so. And, oh, also, there is a benefit coming up at the Belly Up that's really, really near and dear to our hearts, and Jay is actually going to be the host. And it's happening at the Belly Up.

29:45on Sunday, the 20th. So this Sunday. This Sunday. It's happening from 3 to 7. And we really, really invite people to come out there and take a part in this. There's a kid named Spencer. And are you friends with the family, Jay? Yeah, they lived down the street from me growing up. I've known this kid since he was little bitty. And we used to play in the front yard. He was just always a go-getter. And about a year ago, he was in a snowboard accident and broke his spine. Quadriplegic. But he is making great attitude. Great attitude. He can actually, I mean, he's a quadriplegic. I guess you are for life. But he can stand now. And he's taking these classes that help him walk. And everything is super expensive. And, you know, the family's obviously not made of money. It's about 50 grand a year just to keep him going. Now he's got a walk assist dog. He's got all this stuff. They're asking. They've got all the auction items. You would not believe the auction items they have. If you come, you're going to be stoked on all the cool stuff. But even if you're not going to come and you have a little extra money, you can just buy your ticket online and not show up. Where do you buy it? It's abillyup.com. Okay. And just Spencer Walks. It's Spencer Fox Walks. And you can buy a $25 ticket.

31:02Don't show up if you don't want to. Yeah, yeah, but just help the family. We appreciate everything you do. Okay, so here is the Australian newscast and what happened. And England skipper Andrew Strauss arrived in London proudly showing off the little urn. They'll spend four days at home before flying out for the World Cup. And Belinda, I just can't understand how something so small can be so impressive. Well, Mark, you would know about that. Thank you very much. Weather's next with Jane Riley, but first, here's George Negus. Wow is right. Wow. He didn't say anything back. Wow. Imagine you're watching that and your jaw drops up and you go, did she just? And England skipper Andrew Strauss arrived in London proudly showing off the little urn. They'll spend four days at home before flying out for the World Cup. And Belinda, I just can't understand how something so small can be so impressive. Well, Mark, you would know about that. Thank you very much.

32:04Weather's next with Jane Riley, but first, here's George Negus. What the hell did you just say to me? I caught that. It's not funny. You're sailing on your little dinghy. I know that's what you're saying. You're sailing on it. It's all I meant. No, you didn't. I have a terrible accent. You didn't. First of all, you're not even Australian. I think I'm Irish. Not sure what you are, but I'll tell you what you are. You got eppies, all right? And I'm telling you. Oh, my God. I'm going to tell the world. I'm going to tell the world. If you're going to talk about dinkies and everything, maybe we get it all out there, eh, mate? It's not even clever. Not even clever. You're right. It's just true. Back to you, Belinda. Belinda. It's my favorite part. I wish I could see his face. This is Michael Hughes. England Skipper Andrews Rouse arrived in London, proudly showing off the little urn. The little urn. The little urn. I'll say it is.

33:08Spend four days at home before flying out for the World Cup. And Belinda, I just can't understand how something so small can be so impressive. Well, Mark, you would know about that. Thank you very much. Weather's next with James. That is awkward. Holy crap. You can't just take that opportunity to just call it out. You're talking about my little urn again. Yeah. Good Lord. Belinda, maybe we leave Pearson Alives at home. Personal. Maybe we don't need to discuss our personal lives here live on the telly, eh? Oh, my goodness. Holy crap. Your breasts aren't big. And back to you, Belinda. Meet you in the loo right now and I'll show you it's not small. Holy crap. Yeah, let's go in the loo and we'll see what's happening. You'll at least know what to do with it if it's going to be so small. Oh, really? Oh, perhaps you drop a couple of pounds. Oh. And by a couple, I mean 45. She's trying to look more like your mother. Oh, wow. Fair enough, then. Clearly you are keen on her. All right, then, Nathan, let's go to weather. I'm so hungry. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. You would know something about that. Holy crap. He's like... I bet his face just went like this.

34:42Dumb page? I bet you she didn't even get discipline, though. You don't think? No, over there, it's a little more willy-nilly over there. That's true. I worked for News Corp over there. What is that? It's the equivalent of Fox over there. Really? Mm-hmm. It's probably owned by Rupert Murdoch. Rupert Murdoch, exactly. 5701949 is our number. LOP got a couple of checks in the mail. Her and her BFMC. Her boyfriend, Matt Commerce. And it was for a Verizon commercial that they did. And it was just stock footage. You know, they could use it for whatever. It's from two and a half years ago. But who knows? We might see LOB. Yeah. And in a commercial. Yeah. Who knows? The thing that upset me about the checks was Matt got his. about two weeks ago i was like where am i they showed up yesterday in an envelope two stuffed into one he got two separate ones it was ripped up at the top and then taped clothes i was like perfect you know what i've seen that too me too i was like

35:59People just going, like thinking about maybe forging my checks and then they decide that too. This can only be one place, right? The post office. Well, remember I told you that that same exact thing happened when I got Sage's social security card. Yeah. It was taped back up. Can somebody anonymously call us from the post office and tell us what you dirty birds are up to? Yeah. Because I've seen that too with our mail, you know, like, and it's always like in those envelopes that look like they're credit cards. Yeah. Or something like that. And then you couldn't even see my name anymore because I didn't even fold it back up, right? Yeah. It was just like stuffed in there and taped on the top. And I was like, okay. And in order for it to have tape, it means that either the mail carrier or the people that are at, you know, I can tell you about this. I can find somebody that can tell you. Do you have my brother Mark's number, Jay? I do not. Can you come here? Yeah. Lauren, do you have a mailbox that only the mailman can get into, like a lockbox? No. See, but then it maybe was delivered to your neighbor, which is what worries me or someone else, you know, about Sage's Social Security card. If it was delivered to her neighbor, her neighbor knows their own name, though, right? Well, right, but sometimes you just open it without thinking. Never. Some people. Never. My mom would do that. My mom would do that. Just not paying attention. You've lived in the same house for a long time, and you just get mail. Yeah, you just look, you know, don't pay attention.

37:24That is gnarly. Yeah. Well, the reason I want to call my brother Mark is because a friend of his, Larry, used to be an investigator for the post office. That's what he did. And so he investigated mail fraud. He would investigate if bombs, you know, and stuff like that were sent in the mail. Wow. You know, and he was real good at it. And he's just, you know, he got older and he retired. Because it's happened to you too, Woods. Yeah. Okay, so there's four of us in this room it's happened to. There are probably people listening to us right now that are like, oh yeah, that's happened. With checks too. So I was like, I just thought for a second. I wonder if someone was like, they could tell that it was a check, opened it up and thought about.

38:14cashing it, and then they were like, ah, I can't do it, and put it back in, sealed it. So the whole thing was, like, the whole thing? It was, like, jaggedly ripped on the top. Like, someone took their finger and opened it up and then just taped it back shut. Oh, my gosh. Dude, and they didn't even put her name back in the pane. So it was just, you saw, like, lines of stuff, and it wasn't Lauren O'Brien in her address. And it was stuffed. I know for a fact that Matt got two. Now, I don't know if maybe for some reason they put mine in one envelope, but he got two separate envelopes and mine was stuffed. Two checks. It should have been separate. That's so weird. That's weird. Do you have a lock on your mailbox or anybody can get to it? Yes. I should get a PO box. You know what that makes me think? That means that it could have been a neighbor that got it, opened it, and was like, This isn't ours. That's what I thought, yeah. But still, I've had that thing, you know, where the very end of the envelope has been torn open and just peaked in. Because the rest of it's still glued shut. It's been peaked in. We looked in there. Peaked in. It's true. It's true. It happened to Jamie last week. She got a check in the mail, I think, and then just the corner was ripped. Yeah. I'm like, what the?

39:36Somebody's up to something. I want to investigate. Makes me so mad. Yeah, it does. Maybe get a job. Get a light. Stop sniffing around people's mail. Loser. Apparently your brother's hiking, and I only could get every other word out of him. Yeah, he's going through the Sabino. Yeah. He's in Arizona. A lot of times the equipment damages the envelopes, and so what they'll do, and it looks like somebody's tried to rip into it, but they'll... They'll have to put it in another envelope. It's funny. It never happens to the junk mail we get. Or bills. Or bills. It's funny because it never happens to bills. And I mean that. I would take a mental note if it happened to a bill. It doesn't. Bills are pristine when they hit them there. They're ready to go. Yeah. We used to mail out prizes to people. And then it was funny. Those prizes never made it to the people. Amazing. Well, you have to come pick them up now. Oh, wow. Makes sense. Sick world we live in. It is a sick world. It's a sick world. I can never figure out if it was somebody at the post office or if it was the guy at home who got it and was like, maybe I keep it. I never got it. Who knows? I'm wearing a wristband right now that says Be Different. And the whole concept behind the Be Different pact is that if you get a Be Different bracelet, you're making a commitment to not be that guy or that girl.

40:55That steals stuff and is just a jerk. It's if you're in line somewhere and somebody is an a-hole. You don't pop off. It's a pact of thinking of other people before yourself. And it's a pact of being in traffic and not cursing at somebody. And it works. I had to use it yesterday. You did? Me too. Oh, big time. I'm in this tiny little tin can car. And these two guys. in a giant, like, monster truck cut me off, and then, like, they kept breaking and not knowing where they were going in front of me, and I just kept going, be different, be different, be different, because I wanted to flick them off and buzz by them. Yeah. Well, if you go to bedifferentpact.org, you can get a bracelet, and you'll see all the guys that are in on it. Heath Bell from the Padres, he's one of the Be Different people. There's a ton of, I mean, all of us are. Everybody that's got a bracelet and is wearing a bracelet is in on this pact and we're just going, you know, I just don't want to be a jerk. I want to be different. Man, I got this guy calling me out on that. This guy was real mad at me because it was a guy that was on the radio the other day and he can call in. I'll apologize to him if he calls in even. Remember the guy that called the show the other day and he was saying, hey, oh, he was telling us a story and he started to talk about a strip club.

42:19Right. Yeah, the Glass Slipper. The Glass Slipper. And he was trying to think of the name of it. And I go, the name of it's not important. And he just was stalling and stalling and stalling. And he finally got out the name of this strip club. And I made kind of a half-hearted joke about it. And he got really upset. And I told him I was sorry. What was his beef? That he thought I was rude to him. Really? Yeah. We all kind of made fun of that. It wasn't making fun of him. It was, hey, man, get to your point. We don't need to hear the name of the strip club. That's part of the rules of calling in. Yeah. Right. I thought we were kind of mean. Really? Yeah. I, in fact, said he's nervous. He's nervous. Oh, yeah, you did. Well, here's the thing. He said in his email to me that he was like he didn't have his headset and he was changing lanes, which made me think, well, why are you doing that? Right. I'm not. You know.

43:18Why are you doing that? Yeah, we never mean to be mean. Yeah, don't mean to be mean. But anyway, that is what Be Different is about. So it's about being different and not being mean and trying to be nicer to people. But it's also Be Different, not perfect. Nobody's perfect. We are going to have our days, that's for sure. But I know it's been working for me like a madman. Yeah. So the show Jeopardy is using an IBM computer to play people. It's a supercomputer named Watson. And I didn't realize they're actually using the computer on the show to play against contestants. Yeah. Listen to this. Final Jeopardy category is U.S. Cities. And here is the clue. Its largest airport is named for a World War II hero. Its second largest for a World War II battle. 30 seconds, players. Good luck. You know, Woods? I'm guessing. Go ahead.

44:26New York City. We come to you, Ken. You had $2,400 for this final going in. And you wrote down what is Chicago. That is correct. And you wagered $2,400. That doubles your score at $4,800. Down to Brad now. He had $5,400. I have to feel that he came up with a correct response. Did he? Yes. And the wager? Doing almost everything you can. $5,000 takes you up to $10,400. Now to our leader, Watson, going into final $36,681. And the response was, what is Toronto? With a lot of question marks, which means, of course, that Watson had many, many doubts. And the wager, how much are you going to lose? Oh, you sneak. $947. $35,734. So... Watson missed the question but won the game. Yeah, he had enough dough. I can't watch Jeopardy. I don't know one question. Not one. Not one. It is 100% true, L.O.B. I promise you that's a true fact. I promise you. I've seen it. I go, I always think that show's fake because I can't believe people know the answers to that. Now, maybe it's like a college thing. Like if you've gone to college, those are things you've heard over and over again.

45:51A lot of mine come from high school. Ones that are in the vault somewhere and then I'm like a second too short. But the funny, the more you watch it, the better you get at it. Do they use questions again? No. No, it's just that stored knowledge of stuff that you learned in U.S. history. And it just starts to activate that part of the brain. I'm terrible. I don't know when. How'd you like to get on Jeopardy? You make it through Jeopardy, or you make it to Jeopardy, and they're like, hey, you've got to play the supercomputer. You're like, I want to play Ted from Akron is who I want to play. You did all the past champions. I would want to play the computer. No way. Yeah, everyone's watching. It's cool. It's a freaking computer. It's a computer. Do you think Trebek is like, really, with this? Yeah, with the computer bit. You say this is what it's come to? It is. This is my life. What's next? I want to be an actor. Yeah. What's next? He's like, hey, at least I'm not Pat Sajak. Yeah. I mean, things could be worse. Could be that guy. Could be worse. It could be on Dancing with the Stars. You know? At least I still have a gig. That's next year. 100. You know what? I actually enjoy my 81st year here at Jeopardy. I have my own parking space now.

46:58It says A Trebek on it. It says A Trebek. I like people. Contrary to what you might think, I like people. Yeah. Computers. Every year they have to throw a different thing in. They're like, hey, we'll send you to Paris. You and your wife to Paris this year. We already... Pat, or Alec. It's Alex. I'm sorry. Good Lord. It's not Alex, Alec. It's Alec. Your name is Alec. Alex. It's not. It's Alec, sir. It's Alec. Mr. Trebek. Mr. Trebek. I don't know. Mr. Trebek, I'm the producer of the show. We're going to sign you another year. Okay. Make sure Alex is on my contract. We'll do that, but your name is Alex. My name is Alex. It's Alex. I just Googled it. Mr. Trebek, I'm so sorry. I should have put 100 bucks on that, Mr. Producer. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Mr. Trebek. When the announcer says it, it sounds like he says, Alex Trebek.

47:53I've been watching that show forever. It does sound like he's out. Haven't watched it with a computer. Refuse. That is true. I'll give you that. Okay, a couple of things. President Obama, we were in here. We saw that he was doing a live press conference yesterday. Did you hear what he did? Yeah. Accidentally cursed. No. Yeah. Yeah, we have the bleeped audio next. Nice. Then we're going to play buzzword. So call us right now. Buzzword is great. Is your heart pounding? Yes. There we go. It's so nice. All right. Here's how you play buzzword. You're going to call. You're going to pick a horse. Me, Sienna, Woods, or L.O.B. Jay's going to give us the buzzword. Then he's going to give us clues. And our answer has to include that word. It's real easy. 570-1949. Hey, Jay, what's the prize? Today's prize is a pair of angel or anarchy sunglasses. There you go.

49:27Welcome back to The Mikey Show. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And our phone screener is Krause. Don't go away because we're going to play you the press conference. They broke into live television yesterday for Obama to give a press conference, and he accidentally cursed. And we have the audio of it. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, yesterday, Governor Jerry Brown instituted a hiring freeze across the state government. Basically, you've barred state agencies from hiring any new workers, converting part-time positions into full-time positions, or transferring employees between agencies or departments. Now, this is for state agencies. So if you work for the state. Also, Senator Christine Kehoe. Did you say Kehoe? She introduced a bill yesterday that basically allows renters to post political campaign signs in their windows or on their lawns. Because right now homeowners can do that, but renters aren't allowed to. So she's trying to get renters to have that freedom of speech as well and be able to put signs up. Yeah. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, your boy Albert Hainsworth.

50:28He's in trouble again. No, it's not from what I told you about Monday. It's not from him dragging a guy out of his car and beating him up for tailgating. It is now a new charge for sexual assault. He has been accused of sexual assault by a waitress at the W Hotel in Washington. She called the police and they are looking to press charges on Albert Hainsworth for sexual assault. His agent denies the claim. Yeah. Boy. That dude cannot stay out of trouble. And then make sure to tune in tonight. New Mexico will be here to take on San Diego State, the Aztecs, the No. 6 Aztecs. So another big game for those guys, man. And they have been on a roll. They are 25-1. That's pretty amazing. 10-1 in the conference. Go Aztecs tonight. Don't forget, Incorporator at 730, Woods is going to be doing Jay's voice. That's right. And he is going to call a print shop. Word of the day is pepperoni. When you hear me say pepperoni between now and ten, be caller nine to win fabulous prizes. President Obama does a press conference. And they broke into live TV. There he is doing his press conference. And apparently he had a little flub up where he cursed on mistake. And it's bleeped here. So here we go. It freezes domestic.

51:55discretionary spending over the next five years, which would cut the deficit by more than $400 billion over the next decade and bring annual domestic spending to its lower share of the economy since... He was trying to say share. Share. But he said something else. His face, he didn't even flinch. He did well. I'd be like, oh, wow. Oh, pardon me. The lowest share of the economy since domestic spending to its lower... The lowest share of the economy since Dwight Eisenhower. Annual domestic spending to its lowest share of the economy since Dwight Eisenhower. It does happen. Really? Yeah, it happens. You've never done it? Were you meant to say one thing and you accidentally said a bad word? No. He's reading off that thing, that teleprompter, too. It'd be tough. A lot of speeches that guy gives. I've done it. I've done it where if I'm trying to say...

52:56Like, I asked her to sit down. Like, you know, if the word sounds like it. Pastor at our church did it with that word. He was trying to say note sheet. He said, take out your note sheet. Well, he's trying to say, take out your note sheet. But that sounds more, yeah. Share is not a... Share? What? I mean, it happens. I guess. I'm sure he didn't, you know. Yeah, I guess I see what you guys are saying. The words don't rhyme. They don't rhyme, no. So that's why, you know, cheat and the other word, they do kind of rhyme. So you can see how it would. I mean, the thing a lot of people does is mix up the two words. Like, say you're trying to say boil egg and you would say. Oil bag. Oh, yeah. Oil bag. I do that all the time. I do that all the time. It's hysterical when you do it. Yeah, I do that. Yeah. Yeah. Or like, let's say that you're trying to say that you're feeling sick and you call somebody something else. You look like you're. Instead of saying sick. Sounds more like a Freudian slip. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? That one I don't get. I don't know that. It seems like not very nice. It's not a very nice thing to say. Not at all. Because you're not a sick. Right. Maybe I just shut up. Woods is shaking his head right now like, yeah, it's probably good. Maybe you should. Probably a good idea. Probably a good idea, Mike. Take it to the house.

54:23You want to play the buzzword? Let's do it. 570-1949. Got to pick a horse. M1, Steve from the OC. Are you there? Yeah. You got it. She's on a roll. And she's good at this game. I hate it. M1, Lisa from Lakeside. Who do you want? I would be. Of course. Wow. Yeah. M1, Kelly. Who do you want? I want Mikey. Fine. And finally, M1, Sean from Escondido. Who do you want? I want Tiana. Okay. I want you. She's married. Oh, boy. Relax. Fine. All right. I'm standing up. Oh, wow. Oh, gosh. What's the buzzword? No, stand up, dude. Shut up. He's standing with. Oh, he is? Yeah. What's the buzzword? Today's buzzword is salt. Salt. Oh, gosh. S-A-L-T.

55:22Salt. Would you shake on the floor by jumping? People down below us are having a heart attack. Let's do this. Here we go. R&B duo. Sienna! Whoa. You've got to make the project. I'm giving it to Woods. Thank you. Rob, Sienna. I was robbed. Hey, why don't you keep score, buddy? Oh, wow. I just got robbed. So angry. Let's do this. Here we go. Our next word. Relatively large granules. Blessed by a rabbi. Kosher salt! Dang it. I'm going to give that to Woods. Dang it. Wow. Well, that's because he actually got that one. He got the one for it, too. Here we go. Wow. Don't believe everything you hear. Take it with a grain of salt! Mikey. Wow! Stop today! Utah Capital. Salt Lake City! Woods got that one. I didn't even know he was saying a clue. You talk. You talk.

56:26Here we go. Distinguished hair color. Salt and pepper! Lauren. What was it? Salt and pepper. Distinguished hair color. Oh, I think it said haircut. Make my pain even worse. Salt in the wound! Lauren? Yes, Lauren. No, that was... I said throw salt in the wound. Oh, did you? I said put salt in the wound. Pour salt in the wound. Well... It's not either... Neither of those. Salt in the wound! It's... There's more to it. Oh, gosh. Salt in the wound! Rub it in! Salt in the wound! Come on. Yes! Yes! That's pretty weak. Oh, come on. Pretty weak. Pretty weak. All right, now you're even. Ridiculous. Here we go. Ridiculous. Move along. New judge. Let's see this. Chewy pulled candy. Salty crackers! Salty crackers! Salty crackers! Salty crackers! Salty crackers! I got it. Woods got it. Woods got it. Oh, my gosh. L.A. was running around the studio. She came running at me with her face. I told you. If that wall wasn't there, you'd be dead right now. She would have been on me. I'm scared. Salty crackers. Salty crackers. That was in my head this whole time. Salty crackers. Salty crackers. All right. Oh, wow. Thin, crisp crackers. Salty crackers. What? What? You wouldn't have known in my head. What does it matter? My heart hurts. I hate this game. I can't.

57:52I've got one point. I have one also. Woods has a million. What do you have, Woods? Five. Don't worry about it. Five. Here we go. Container with a perforated top for sprinkling. Sunk shaker! Dang it! Wow. So... What's the matter with you, Lauren? I suck today. Woods has what? What do you have, Woods? Don't worry about it. And you're not playing. Woods has five. Okay. Don't worry about it. This is a six-point question. Yes! Last one. Yes! We never do this when anybody else... Yes! We do. No, we don't. We do. I got robbed once. A man of value... A good salt! Salt of the earth! Salt of the earth! A man of value... A man of valuable character is said to be this. Salt of the earth! I said salt of the earth. Worth his weight in salt. That's it. Lauren's got it. Worth his weight in salt. Dang it. Lauren, you're so good. She wins every time. She's got one question. She's so good at this. Lauren, how do you do it? That is weak. M1 Steve L.O.B. brought it home for you, baby.

59:10Hey, I'll take it. I came through in a clutch. My guy went ahead and hung up because he knew he was going to get hosed. You did really well. I know. I slayed it. Hang on the line. I'll tell you what. Lauren wins this game more often than not. She is so good. I was not good today. I got lucky at the end. That was it. That was a good, healthy rounder. But, you know, we can give Jay a good, healthy beating. Oh, really? Anytime you're ready, I will switch out with you. The printing is very small on these cards. I will gladly read that. Excuse me, grandpa. All right, so you can call us at 570-1949 with us. You can also text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. What's up, Mikey Show? I think you guys are awesome, and I love all of your varied opinions on certain topics. I had to write in and put my boy on blast. By the way, I want to let people know, if you have these types of emails that you want to write to us, all you have to do is go to mikeyshow.com, and it's there where you can submit these. That's where we get these. We love them. Yeah, so it says, I had to write in and put my boy on blast. We both work together in advertising, and he is more than a little over the top.

1:00:29He wears a full freaking suit and tie every day. Every day is in all caps. Our office is business casual. If that. Our CEO wears jeans, a t-shirt, and sometimes a blazer. People call my buddy Donald Trump behind his back. Well, now it's just the Donald. Pretty soon, I'm sure it'll just be Don. Yeah. Wow. DT. He says he could care less. DT. DT. Easy, DT. Easy, Atlantic City. He says he could care less and that, quote, you can learn a lesson from the way I dress, unquote. What are your thoughts on it, M1 Christopher? My thoughts on it are, if nobody's doing it, you look like a dork.

1:01:29If nobody else is doing it, you look like a dork. You're not winning points. You're looking like a dork. I don't think he cares if he looks like a dork. He doesn't. He clearly doesn't care. He does not care. The boss of the company, the guy that makes the decision on him being promoted in the company, wears jeans and a t-shirt and sometimes a blazer. There's nothing wrong with overdressing. There's something wrong with underdressing. No, it could go both ways, though, because if it makes people feel uncomfortable, if the CEO set the tone, if he wants it to be laid back. Guys, what doesn't matter is overperforming. If you underperform, it doesn't matter what your deal is. But if you're killing it, why are you wearing a suit? You're using your suit and tie. as a substitute for performance. That's a reach a little bit because we don't know what kind of guy this guy is. No. If he's performing, he doesn't have to do this. That's not true. That's not true. He can just be old school. Yeah. Dressing for success. Some people love to dress up. Guys are like that. There's an old saying. Some are. You know the old saying in sales. I've been in sales. I've been in advertising sales. Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.

1:02:51My company was this internet startup deal, the old company I worked for, and our CEO, Blazer, like a button-down shirt and jeans every time. You know why he could do it? CEO, guy at a Ferrari, do whatever he wants. We, the underlings, were in a suit and tie every day when he was there. Right. Well, that makes sense. That's because everybody's kind of doing that. Right. But if your environment is business casual and dude's rolling in with a three-piece suit, he looks like a dork. It doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me. I think it's really odd. I think it's kind of pimp, actually. I would be like, you know, easy Donald Trump, but it's funny to laugh at. But I wouldn't be like, dude, you shouldn't dress like that. Why can't he do whatever he wants? You can. You can. You can always do whatever you want. But there's a consequence. It could be a good consequence. It could be a bad consequence. I'm sure the observation was made because this guy is also a little bit full of himself or something. If he was a nice guy, I would think that people, unless they're intimidated by him, I would think that people wouldn't care. 570-194-9. Are you this guy? Do you know this guy? Do you work with this guy? If you are any of those, 570-194-9. I wonder if this happens with women.

1:04:10Yeah. Oh, yeah. Women do it too? Big time. Don't you see? I mean, there's some women at work that come fully in dresses with heels every day. And it's like, really? But, you know, they're working it and they're doing a good job. Honestly, you're not hurting anyone by overdressing. If you underdress, there can be a problem. But overdressing, I can't see a problem. You know what I can't get out of my mind? This is the thought I can't get out of my mind. And maybe I'm stuck in this paradigm. But I'm imagining an environment like. in the movie The Social Network at Facebook where it's pretty casual. Exactly. And I imagine one, you know, dork wearing a suit in that environment. You're like, what are you doing? What if Jay came here in a suit? Sharp. Really? Yeah, sharp. It would be so uncomfortable. It would be uncomfortable. I'd be like, dude, we don't do that. But who cares? I would just be like, whatever. If I wore one from day one, a suit, what if I rolled my famous favorite look? Not famous. My favorite. It's not famous. Shut up. It's the suit, no tie. If I rolled that every day, and if I didn't wear it, you'd know. It would make me nervous. What? I'll tell you why it would make me nervous. Because we all are casual here. Great. One of us comes in in a suit. But that's how he is. But I'm slick. Yeah. I'm going to slick up on you. You're talking about hypothetical woods. Yes, hypothetical woods. It is slick and not fat. And tan. I wish that guy was here.

1:05:34There is a guy. Now, you guys are going to make fun of me because of my reference, but on the Kardashian show. Oh, wow. One of the Kardashian sisters, her boyfriend always wears a suit, and everyone makes fun of him, but he's like, whatever. I dress the way I feel, and I want to get far in life, and this makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something, and I'm going to get to my goal. Meanwhile, is he unemployed? No, he works. I got one for you, Mike. Yeah? What is more casual than a professional athlete? on the field, right? A basketball player, they're in shorts and a tank top. When those guys, when they travel, there are dress codes. You have to represent. Now, this guy doesn't have to, but in his mind, he's dressing for success. I think it's rad. It's a dress code, Woods. How do you compare them? One's a dress code. Well, some of them are dress codes. Some teams have dress codes. You can't be, you know. gangstered out, you've got to be in a suit and tie. But a lot of these guys just dress sharp because they want to dress sharp. They want to portray the image of success. There's precedent in that sport for doing it. Sure. There's precedent in advertising for looking sharp, too. But not in that environment. Maybe not in that building. That's a different environment. That's so strange. I just don't see the big deal. Me neither. Like, what's the big deal? M1 Dan is driving down the 8 right now. Are you there, Dan? What do you think?

1:06:58I love it. That's true. Yeah, and this guy in the suit, when he stops at Starbucks in the morning before work or wherever he goes, he probably, you know, feels good. He feels good about himself and what he wears, so why can't he wear what makes him feel good, you know? Yeah, I guess he can. I think people are going to think he's going to isolate himself. Yeah, a little bit. You're going to isolate yourself from the team. And a lot of times you have to do that. You have to do that. Why? To be the best. You have to do that. It ain't show friends. It's show business. Lonely at the top. I like isolating myself in a different way. Performance. Right. This guy might. He may be. Yeah. He may be a killer. See, that's the thing, I wonder. He may be a killer. Maybe he is. If I want to get sold some advertising, a guy better show up in a suit, not a Tommy Bahama shirt. And same with the girl. She better be decked out, hair done. What a great nickname, too. Call me Donald Trump? Yeah, call me DT. That's true. DT. Guys, bloated. M1Cat in Santee. Hey, guys, good morning. Good morning.

1:08:15So I'm one of those girls. That's how I was raised. My mom was always dressed nice, makeup done, hair done, looked sharp wherever she went. And so even if I'm at the movies, if I'm hanging out with friends, if I'm going for an interview, if I'm on the job, I look good all the time because you never know who you're going to meet, where you're going to be, or what opportunity is going to come up. So you always look sharp. You don't need to kill it, but you just always look sharp. You always look your best. And that's the way that I was raised. I just realized it. I'm sexist. I just realized it. I think it's okay for women to do it. You just realized it. Yeah, I just realized it. I think it's okay for women to do it. I have a double standard. I have a double standard against men. I don't think men should do it, but if a woman does it, it's fine. I don't think of a woman as a nerd. What if she wore a suit? To the movies with you. That's weird. Like a girl, like full heels, you know. But heels is different than wearing a suit. Garter. Garter. Yeah. You know. What if Sienna came in? Which just got carried away a little bit. Sorry. Yeah, what if Sienna wore a suit every day? Bustier. Not like, you're thinking like a man's suit. Like a woman's business suit. Like a woman's fitted business suit. Yeah, you'd make me uncomfortable. It would make me uncomfortable. And you were like professional news girl. But if I was like that every day, you guys would just be used to it. Yeah. But looking put together is different than.

1:09:31Dressing formally. Used to it in a weird way, though. Yeah. Well, I honestly, I wish I was more like that because I'm wearing moccasins right now. Sweatpants on. Makes me comfortable. Makes me comfortable that everybody's cash. Yeah. But we have a super casual job. If one of us wears a shirt with buttons on it, we're like, whoa. And we do that. We do. We'll walk in and everybody's like, oh, look it. Mikey last Friday showed up. We were like, whoa. We were like, hey, where are you going today? I wore a red shirt one time and all three of you guys were like, whoa, fancy pants. Hello. Let's see. M1 William. is on the line. And let's see, William is calling from the five as well. Are you there, William? Yes, sir. Go ahead. Hey, long time listener. I love you guys' show. Thank you. My wife goes nuts over this with me because I don't leave the house unless I'm going to like a sporting event in which I'm actually participating in anything but nice jeans, nice boots, and a nice collared shirt. Really? Period.

1:10:39Yeah, I don't do it. And I can't because in my job and where I have positioned myself in my career and because I'm so young, I feel like I have to look nice constantly and I have to apply myself. And I think that this is where that guy is going. He's in a fairly decent job. And, yeah, you can perform all day long. And yeah, it looks great, but maybe he's going for that extra little ledge. William. That little standout. Okay, so M1 William, let me ask you, because you say you dress like this all the time, no matter where you're going. Yes. So I'm going to draw up the scenarios, and you tell me, yep, I'd wear that. Do you still wear your button-down shirt, your nice jeans, and your nice, expensive boots? I'm going to give you the scenario you say, if yes or no. Sounds good. You're going with your wife on a Sunday morning to IHOP. Okay? You are going to the store Fry's to buy a pair of headphones. Yes. Play pool with your buddies. Yes. You're going to the grocery store. Yes. You're going to get your car washed. I'll put it this way. I have t-shirts that I wear strictly for going to the beach, riding mountain bikes, or working on cars. Wow, man. That is it. Wow.

1:12:00You sound real sharp. Wait until the guy is a prostitute. You're a gigolo. You're a gigolo. You're a gigolo. I don't mean to brag. I'm intimidated. That's awesome. All right. Thanks for the call. We appreciate it. M1 Sarah from downtown. You there? Not mad at it. No. Go ahead. You're on the air. Hello? Yeah, go ahead. Hi. Yeah, I'm a teacher at a K-12 school, and I get a lot of flack for dressing up or dressing cute. Every day. Okay, now, so the other teachers are very casual. Yeah. Okay, and do you dress like business attire? Yeah, I worked at Nordstrom before I was a teacher, so a lot of my wardrobe is nicer. And so if I wear black slacks and heels, it's like the same thing. They're like, ooh, fancy. Give me an example of what the other teachers wear. Well, we had an ugly sweater contest in the staff.

1:13:00And let's just say it didn't change much. It taught me every day. Okay. And what grade do you teach? I teach 4th through 12th. Oh, wow. So you get kids of all ages between 4th and 12th grade. The high school boys are probably like, ooh, yeah. Yeah, how old are you? I'm 25. 25. And, yeah, so I bet I'm just picturing the 47-year-old teacher woman. who wears mom jeans to work. Total mom jeans, yeah. And she looks at you, and she's in there with her friends that have been, they've worked together for 17 years, and they're in the coffee room, and you come in in your Nordstrom clothes, pour yourself a cup of coffee, and walk out. And they're like, oh. Who's she trying to impress? There's Sarah. I tone it down. I really try. I tone it down. Even today, I'm like, no, this is too cute. I have to change. Too cute. They're like, yeah. And you walk out of the, you walk out of, yeah, you walk out of the coffee room and they're like, oh, so the whorish brass plum just, yeah, she's just going to show us all up, huh? Yeah, I got married this summer and I was like, oh good, they'll think better of me now, so. L.O.B., what did you do? I worked at a software company and I came, you know, right out of college and I had like, I wanted to look cute and I wanted to dress the way that I had always dressed and I felt the women like.

1:14:24that had been there for a while, just, mm-hmm, when I would walk by. And I actually found that it worked to my advantage to wear my hair in a bun and wear my glasses, dress frumpy, because I was like... What did you, what kind of stuff were you wearing? Just fitted. Like, you know, you wanted to look cute. I mean, you don't have to wear ugly. But describe it. It would be like nice slacks, but they would be fitted on me. And then a button-down shirt, but it would come kind of like this, like down in a V, and then fit it around here. They hated you. Oh, they hated it. Or just stylish stuff, heels. And not only did the women hate it, but I was 22 when I started the job. So it was like when I would go to those networking things and try to talk to men. Yeah. They'd be like, oh. Work to your advantage. No. It didn't work to your advantage? They didn't want to talk about the company. They just wanted to talk about me. Sarah, let me ask you this. Aren't you comfortable when you wear the casual clothes? And I do on Fridays, you know, jeans and like my staff t-shirt. And then I feel like a total nerd. Yeah, because you want. And kids are always like, you should teach a class on like how to dress. And I'm like, oh my goodness. Passive aggressive. Yeah, when you dress up all the time, anytime you're not dressed up, you feel.

1:15:39gross you know you don't feel good it's a hundred percent you should teach a class on being a whore yeah she said her students say it oh the students say oh good oh the students say what do the other teacher what is your interaction with the other teachers like isolated to be honest but i have a few that are on i guess in my department so we're closer but yeah it is kind of weird i always feel like monday i wore a dress And they're like, oh, are you dressing up for Valentine's Day? And I'm like, no, I'm just wearing a dress. Is that not okay? How annoying. They're like, oh, are you going to a dance? Like below the knee dress. Like it was, you know, not fitted. Right. Not a big deal. Oh, hi, Sarah. Are you going to In Cahoots right after work? Sarah, are you working nights now, too? Oh, yeah. Sarah, did you get a job downtown working at a nightclub? Are you doing the Walk of Shane? Yeah. thing like I don't want to be a teacher forever so it's sort of like why would I I want to keep the wardrobe that I have yeah I get it there's nothing worse than feeling like you have to buy ugly clothes that you don't like because they're work appropriate to fit in I hate that stuff you have to spend money on clothes that you're like this looks ugly on me but I have to wear it hey thanks Sarah we appreciate it thanks bye let's get her in studio oh wow I was waiting for that real creepy

1:17:06No, just, you know, she needs friends. So you're saying that she sounds like she's so isolated by the other teachers that she needs friends. Maybe a hug. She's your daughter's age. She's your daughter's age. She's probably friends with Maddie. Way to bring it down there. Yeah, way to just completely. Number one rock song in the country. Rock song? Rock song. This is the number one rock song in the country. Easy, Brock. It's the Abbott Brothers. Head full of doubt, road full of promise is the name of it. It's good. Yeah, I hate it. You do? Yeah, that makes sense to me. I think it's Abbott. Abbott? I think it's the Abbott Brothers. I'd like to... Get rid of it. Oh, Mikey. You're better than that. No, I'm not. That was pretty good. No, I'm not. I'd like to get rid of it. Guys, this is for men only. I don't know if you know what a trolloc is. It has to do with the size of a man's fingers in comparison to their other fingers. Every guy's different. And I'm going to tell you the formula.

1:18:26is used in this thing when we come back. And if you have a trolloc, you're highly sexualized, you're more likely to have more sexual partners, and more likely to cheat. You're in trouble. Are you one of these guys? We'll tell you. You're going to look at your hands, and I'll tell you what the formula is when we come back. Okay, let me tell you. AT&T has got it going on. They really got it going on. Now what I'm talking about, of all the music I listened to in high school that my mom didn't like, Zeppelin was number one. Really? Number one. Why? She said she thought it sounded wicked. Exact words. Wicked. Mine didn't like Motley Crue. Dazed and confused, bro. It's a little wicked. It's a little scary. That's it, really. That scared her. She heard it. She would knock on my bedroom door. I'd open the door and she would go, what is that?

1:20:22And I go, what? I'd be ironing. Starch. Ironing my shirts with starch. I'd spray starch in a can. And she'd go, what is that? It was when I was skinny in high school. I was only skinny one year. Sophomore year. And she goes, what is that? I go, it's Zeppelin. Sounds wicked. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Teenagers ever just jerks to their parents? Yes. Man. You don't know anything. You're so stupid. I'm so smart. We really thought we were smarter. We knew we were. We knew we were. In retrospect, I look back on that and I go, how did I think that was possible? I know. There's got to be something in the wiring. You're supposed to feel that way. Feel like invincible or something. Like you could do anything and that's why you'd leave the nest in the first place. Our son Luke's a year and a half old. He has freakish strength.

1:21:24It's freakish. Here's the deal. His Grammy saw a special on TV about some baby with freakish strength. Little boy. She said that Luke does the same things. I think Sage does too. Really? Yeah, Todd and I have had the same conversation. Yeah, Luke does some real weird stuff. Like what? He lifts his own body weight. In a push-up? He'll grab onto the top of the gates that we have. And he'll do pull-ups. He can do pull-ups. He's only a year and a half old. Now, conversely, his twin brother is a lump of dough. He's the BJ Raji of our family. Besides me. Now, he will win a snuggling contest any day out of the week. All day long. He'll eat a cinnamon eating roll contest any day out of the week. He'll eat a let me chug.

1:22:22syrup straight from the bottle contest any day of the week. No, he's the sweetest, cutest little thing. He is. He's not even a ball of dough. He's not. He's not. He is not. Compared to Luke because Luke is really small. Luke's shredded. Luke's working out. Compared, Sienna, he is a little. No, he's not. He's the cutest thing I've ever seen. Don't ever say that. No. You are off base. I am not off base. You're out of order. You're out of line here. You guys. Out of order. Have you ever seen the way that they make Yorkshire pudding? That's all I'm going to say. That's all I'm going to say. He's listening right now, and he's like, Dad, you. He doesn't speak English yet. Yes, he does. He can understand you. He speaks German. He may listen to this podcast in a couple years. Hungarian. And a tear. One single tear. I can't believe you said that. That tear will be stopped by a piece of French toast that has not fallen from his face. You're a monster. That kid can put away some Eggos. Eggos. Eggo waffles. You know what his brother eats? You know what Luke eats? Fruit.

1:23:44That doesn't mean that Ryan... He'll eat watermelon and little strawberries. That doesn't mean anything. That means that Luke is maybe picky. And he's a healthy eater. But most kids don't eat like that. He prefers the healthier food. Ryan prefers Whataburger. He's never had Whataburger. Hasn't he? No, he hasn't. You've seen him? I've seen him. He's a little chubster. I saw him a couple weeks ago. Not a little Chubster. He looks perfectly normal. He weighs as much as Jake. He's a year and a half old. He weighs as much as Jake. Jake doesn't eat a lot of the food. Weighs as much as a four-year-old. It's the sweetest thing I've ever seen. On the phone with us right now, my son Luke. What's up? He's a year and a half old. You know what Chubbs is eating right now? Don't call him Chubbs. Don't call him Chubbs. I wouldn't call him Chubbs. You shouldn't call him Chubbs. You know what he's eating? What? So stupid. He is not. Comedian. He's got a Crisco mustache. Really? He's got a Crisco mustache. Stop it. You're hurting my heart. Luke and Mike, you're hurting my heart. Sienna, there's a part of me that wonders if it's true. I don't know if it's true. I don't think it is. If he really has a Crisco mustache right now. He doesn't, right? He doesn't. If your wife is listening, you're in trouble. You are. You can't talk like this. Yeah, yeah.

1:25:10Mike, Mike, Mike. Don't call me Mike. Don't call me Mike. Don't call me Mike. Don't call me Mike. Don't call me Mike. Dad, dad, dad. Call me dad. Call me dad. Call me dad. Call me dad. Call me dad. I need some stuff from the store. I need chicken breasts, and I need more fruit. Mom and Nita and Claudia are out of watermelon and pineapple that I need. They're not out of it. They keep it supplied for you. They don't, but I need some fresh chicken breasts. I need them lean, and I need some lean protein. This is not normal. Can I tell you something else? What? Because Lukey's diapers are not as bad as Rai Rai's. Exactly. Because of what he eats. Very healthy. I don't wear diapers. Yeah, you do. You wear diapers. I go to the toilet. Everyone is different. You poop your pants. My feet are closer to the ground on the toilet than my dad's are. That's... Oh, wow. Kind of true, but not mostly true. It's kind of true. You still have your dad's jeans, though, Luke. Yeah, you do. I don't wear my dad's jeans. No.

1:26:06You, your dad, and your mom are both. Uncle Wood's got them for me. Yeah, all right. Hey. Yeah, Luke. Time you getting off? What time are you getting off, Mike? Yeah, I said every time. I just hung up on him. Oh, wow. He's probably still talking. I'm mad about that. Every single time. Every time. You just hung up on him now? I just hung up. He knows better. He does. Call us with incorporator words. 570-1949. Give us random words that Woods can work into a sentence when we call the print shop. 570-1949. And we don't want made-up words. It's got to be words like, you know, random words. Jeans, snowboard, puma. Coffee. Coffee, leather, you know, words. You're not trying to be clever with the word. You just supply us with the word. That's all. I want to get a really good one. I want to stump him. You can stump him by giving a random word that's very different. I'll give you an example. Cheese drink? No. Mariner. Mariner is a real word. It's like a fisherman. It's a lie out on the water. It's difficult to work in a regular conversation. How are you going to work the word mariner? He's going to complain about mariner. Let's put it in. Done. Mariner is going to be one of the words. Okay, so let me play you this clip.

1:27:34Before we left, we said certain men have something up with their fingers on their hand that makes them more susceptible to cheating and being sexually charged and all of that stuff. Conan O'Brien and Dr. Phil. Is there a way to tell if people are romantic or highly sexual? Let me see your hand. What? Let me see your hand. Hold your hand up. I have no idea where this is going. Yeah, you're definitely a trollop. A what? A trollop. See, here's the thing. A trollop? is longer than this finger. If this finger is longer than this finger. If your third finger is longer than your pointy finger, which it is, that means you are highly sexualized. Yes. That means you are more likely to have a lot of sexual partners, and you're also more likely to cheat. It's growing as we speak. This girl, let me see. Come here, quick. What do you mean I'm more like? Oh, my God. It's men. You're probably, you're about even. That's okay. Look at everybody in the audience. All the girls are looking at their guys' hands. Everybody's checking out. Yeah, women are checking out their guys' hands and then hitting them in the face. All of a sudden, we're like in the lunchroom at the girls' table. Yeah. I'll tell you what it tells you. What it tells you is that means you were probably born in a testosterone storm.

1:28:50And so this finger is longer, and women can tell from that that there's more likely that a guy's going to cheat. Really? Yeah. Oh, stop. So it's your ring finger. No. Yeah. Explain to me. Your ring finger is... Third finger. Third finger, not your pointing finger. If your third finger is longer... So your middle finger? ...than your index finger. Yeah, that's this, your ring finger. Your ring finger is not your index finger. This is your index finger. Right, I know that. That's the one that goes on. Your ring finger is your third finger. So if your ring finger is taller than your index finger, then you have a trollop. That's why they say third finger left hand. If your ring finger is taller than your index finger, then you're a trollop. He would have said middle finger had it been the middle finger. It's not the middle finger because the thumb doesn't count. And yours is longer, Mike. Yes. So I'm more likely to cheat? So is mine, though. Yeah, but you're a girl. Mine's not. So is mine. Yours is longer? Yeah. Cheater. I think everybody's is a longer cheater. No, mine's not. Let me see your fingers. They're like exactly the same. My pointer's a little bit longer. It means you're more likely to be faithful. And I have always been. You've always been a faithful person. You've always been. And you don't like sex. Not at all. You're not sexually charged. That hand's way longer. Woods, cheater.

1:30:17Cheater. Cheater, yeah. He has a trollop. You got a trollop hand? Mike's a cheater then, too. Yeah, I'm a cheater. What have you been? If your hands are a certain way, then you're more susceptible to being a cheater. According to my hand, I'm a cheater. If your ring finger is taller than your index. I used to be, so maybe it's right. Oh, yeah, I've got that. This one's bad. Yeah. You were born in a testosterone storm, pal. It's funny enough. Get out of here, you testosterone. What about sweet little Chris? It's Cross. Cross. Yeah. He doesn't have it. See? He's a sweet guy. We're dirtbags. We're dirtbags. Well, on my other hand, they're almost the same height. Yeah, they're different on each hand. This hand is a cheater, and this hand is more loyal. Is it loyal? Your fingers look weird from behind if you look at them. Okay, let's just go. Fly, fly, little bird. Yeah, you can't hear the words. We're about to give the words. You got them for me, Chris? Do you write them down? There you go, buddy. Perfect. All right. You ready? Incorporator. Problem is... Okay. I need names. I told him, Mike. I told him a million times. Chris just looked in like, I'm in big trouble. I'll fire him. See what you did now? All the colors. Got him all pumped up. Now I got to bring him back to earth. Don't worry, Chris. It's okay. Chris looks so worried. You did it. Everything's okay. I'm looking at one of the words right now. Okay. You ready?

1:31:54All right, here we go. And I said that I was going to pick one. Mariner. Mariner. Let's see if he complains if you're right. I'll even put M1 Mike. Ha. Okay. All right, so M1 Lisa said hallelujah. Okay. That's the word he wants worked in. M1 Steve, scrumptious. M1 Andrew, gazebo. M1 Jason, circumcision. M1 Jerry, kumquat. M1 Carrie, diaper. M1 Phil, belly button. M1 Mike, mariner. I like these. I do too. I like them a lot. Big fan. And so he is going to be having to try to work these words into a natural conversation. It's called the Incorporator. And Woods has been doing it for a while. Where's my Incorporator? Come on in, Woods. We're calling a print shop. You want your first word? Yes. Always give Woods the first word. The first word is hallelujah. Okay. It's important for you to know if you're a first-time listener, when we call this print shop, they're going to hear woods, but they're not going to hear me. And I'm going to be the one feeding the words to woods. It likes to get fed, you know that. How are you feeling, woods? I'm good. It's been a while. Here we go. Print shop. First word is hallelujah. Hey, howdy ho, neighbor. How are you?

1:34:06Good. Are you all open? We are, yes. Hallelujah. I got a couple of issues that I need to come down there and talk to you all about. Scrumptious. Okay. Well, how late are you all open till? We'll be open till late. Well, my wife, Kim, made me a scrumptious breakfast, and I'm going to power it down. I'm going to go for a surf. I'm going to go for a hike, and then I'm going to come in. Gazebo. Okay. Listen, I'm doing some work on my gazeba in the backyard, and the plans from the company have disappeared. And I need them scanned over and sent to me. Now, I don't have an email access. Okay? I won't buy a computer. You understand? So y'all have a computer there I can use? I don't really like facsimile either. Circumcision. Okay. Yeah, I mean, for a charge, we have a computer. that you can use here. We charge every 15 minutes. Okay. Is it expensive? I don't want to come in there and feel like I left a circumcision, okay? I want to get my money's worth. Kumquat? No, it's comparable to our competition. Pardon me, I've got a kumquat seed in my throat. Well, I need to do that, and I need to get some other documents I need to get sent out to my realtor. Okay, yeah, we do all kinds of...

1:35:32Copying and digital printing, finishing and binding. Yeah, we can take care of you. Okay. Well, you know, my realtor, what he had done is he screwed me out of a deal. And I got to hold the guy's hand now. I gave him a second chance. His name's Chris. And it's like, you know, he's a baby and he's got a diaper on. The guy's always, you know, he poops himself every deal we do. But I'm going to give him a second chance. But I need to get these documents from him. Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that. We have, yeah, like I said, we have all kinds of different services. We have print and go. So if you're in a hurry, you can come in and you can use, you know, you can pay to use the computer. Then you can print and go. Okay. Well, he's, you know, he's about as useless as linting a belly button, if you know what I mean. Last one. No, we have people like that, too. All right. Well, listen, like I said, I'm going to go do a couple things around the house. I'm going to check out the Mariner Spring Training Guide and do my surfing, do my hiking, and finish up my kumquats, and I'll be in there later. Sounds good. All right. Have a good one. Bye-bye. Wow. Oh, my gosh. I don't know how you do it. We were really happy with these words. Yeah, those were good. Those were really, really good. So I threw a word in there. What was it? Mariner. That was a toughie. Yeah. Yeah. Because a Mariner.

1:36:56is more than a baseball team in Seattle. But that was fair usage of it. This guy thinks you're crazy because where this place is, because I look up the place, there's no surf. There's no surf near this place. My favorite part was when you said, I'm a surf, I'm a hack, and whatever. I'm looking at Jay's face just shaking his head. There ain't no surf. I won't buy a computer. I won't buy a computer. You know that. I hate you. Oh, that was funny. I liked how true you stayed to the character of Joe. Yeah, me too. Really? That makes it look more fun. It's fantastic. Oh, funny. 570-1949 is our phone number. His name's Chris. I would say Chris, and Chris is just shaking. No way. He's useless. He's lint in a belly button. You're good. That was fun. Sienna, tell everybody about... Is it? Way, way, way. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Is that American Idol? No, it isn't. It's the number one pop song in the country. Gaga. Gaga. Madonna? Yeah, it's Express Yourself. It's a remake, right? I feel a little better because there's a dude. Celebrity.

1:38:24that is, I consider to be a very sophisticated kind of, is very A-list. I think of him as cool. I think you might think of him as cool. Gets pedicures. This person. And he's got a pretty funny story where he refers to the woman who gave him the pedicure as, quote, this gorgeous little creature. It's next. So in a second, I'm going to play you this dude, celebrity guy, that says he gets pedicures. Made me feel better because I, yeah, Woods does too. I have, I don't. Does this celebrity also get a manicure and their eyebrows wax? But I'm all woman. That would make you feel better. What's that like? Do their nails shine after a manicure? Hello, hello, hello. Do their hands shine like the sun?

1:40:33CNN, what's going on in news? I have to get serious right now. Oh, no. This is a big story, and it's a really, really unfortunate story. 39-year-old reporter for CBS, Laura Logan, was over in Egypt. She was there for the celebration after the president resigned on Friday. And she was brutally attacked by a mob of about 200 people surrounded her and her crew and their security team. They separated her from the others, this 39-year-old reporter. She was beaten and sexually assaulted. Oh, wow. Yeah, a group of women and about 20 Egyptian soldiers intervened when they saw this happening. She was later reconnected with her team. She's now back in the U.S., but this story is, you know, one of the biggest stories right now, and I just hope she's okay. She's hospitalized right now just to make sure everything's okay. Wow. Instead of sustained assault. Yeah, just a really, really sad story. It feels awful for her. She was there covering the celebrations for 60 Minutes.

1:41:37So we hope that she's okay. You know, her family's there. They're asking for privacy. Gosh. But just really, really sad. You don't want to hear about stuff like that. Oh, but it's, oh my gosh, that's so. And probably nothing can be done. Nothing can be done. Yeah, you know, you're in another country. It's just not. Just ready to get the hell out of there and move on. Yeah. Another story, a little bit lighter. All right. Roseanne Barr. Yeah. Lighter? Not lighter, but not as serious. It's a heavier story. It's a much heavier. Not as serious. You're so childish. Lighter in a different way. It's a thick story. It's got a lot of weight to it. Also an unfortunate story in a different way. She will be having a reality show. Oh. That's unbelievable. She, believe it or not. Will be running a 40-acre nut farm. She's not running anything or anywhere. She's supposed to be in charge of a macadamia nut farm in Hawaii. Why? It's the most random thing. Roseanne Barr is launching a lifetime reality show. I'm just going to say it again because people may have said, well. In other news, Tom Arnold opened a soup shop. I'm nuts, Mike. I'm nuts. Get it?

1:42:59She'll be in charge of a macadamia nut farm in Hawaii on the Big Island. Along with her boyfriend, Johnny Argent. Sure. He's a writer, musician. I thought maybe was a part of it. And transgender. Hey, babe. And her son. Hey, babe. Today, I don't know. I'm thinking maybe we do, you know, we just lay out in the sun. Maybe do some like, some of that, what do they call paddle boarding? We do a little paddle boarding. And then before we go back, I mean, we got to hit Roseanne bars. Macadamia nut farm. Oh, boy. We got to hit that up. You know, we have to. So weird. She says, I'm coming back down to earth and keeping it real. You know? That's, I guess, is down to earth and real. She said. Thank you, Roseanne. This is a quote from Roseanne. They've said Roseanne's nuts for years and now I'm going to make that a reality. I'm all about nuts now. Macadamia nuts. Big John Mayer and Roseanne ever dated. It's like the one woman in Hollywood he never slept with. Lifetime has ordered 16 and a half hour episodes. Wow. So it's not titled yet the series and it's going to be debuting sometime this year in 2011. What is? Her show. What show?

1:44:25That's the show. It's a reality show. Okay, I thought the news was that she was just doing this. I didn't realize it was a... I said reality show. It's a reality show. I didn't hear that part. All I heard was that she was opening a nut farm. Okay, got it. It's a reality show. She just calls it a farm. Hey, babe, can you make sure you DVR that Roseanne show about the nut farm where she's in Hawaii? Roseanne's in syndication. No, it's a new show. She's got a nut farm. Roseanne Barr? Yeah. It's so kooky and nutty. There's a nut farm? Yeah, on Hawaii. You know how much you like Hawaii? I don't get it. Wait, Roseanne, the chubby comedian? Yeah, you know the one. Comedienne. She has a reality show about a nut farm. Yeah, it's not that weird. Why are you so stuck on this? Just DVR it. Like a mental hospital? No, like a nut farm. Like 50 acres of nuts. Why are you showing nuts? Why is this so hard for you to understand? I don't get it. I'm going to watch it. What's going on in sports? I'll watch it. I've got to check it out for the news. The San Diego Chargers have put the non-exclusive franchise tag on Vincent Jackson. So what that means is he can still negotiate with other teams. If he signs with another team, Chargers get two first-round draft choices. Oh, nice. So that's a good thing. The offer that he will get is a one-year tender, expected to be between $10 and $11 million. So the Chargers want to sign him for that. You know, the top five.

1:45:51Yeah, well, and if they lose him, they get two first rounds. So win-win. Yeah. Yeah, win-win. Okay. Heath Bell has hurt. Oh, no. Hurt himself in spring training. Hurt his calf in the first day of camp. Oh, crap. Was jogging and pulled his calf, and he hasn't thrown in two days. He says he's going to be fine. It's nothing serious. A light strain to the little teeny muscle underneath the big one. So he'll be fine. He's a gamer. But also, I've got to play with this. Speaking of closers. Sorry, Padres fans. Brian Wilson is the greatest. I love Brian Wilson. And he's freaking hysterical. I don't care that he plays for the Giants. He's funny. He's hysterical. So he stopped by the baseball tonight bus yesterday, and they asked him about his beard. You know, the whole beard starting thing, there's no plan. It was just, let's get this going. It's rally time. It's the postseason. Guys are starting to come together as a team. We started growing some facial hair. And I told the guys, hey, if we lose, I'll shave it. We didn't lose, so I didn't shave it. And we'll see what happens this year. If you don't lose a game, what's it going to look like? It's Rasputin. Ridiculous. He's so weird and he's so funny. The walking bit. It's just amazing to me that he's that funny yet that good of an athlete. Yes. You know? Usually you get one. Right. You don't get both. Yeah, you get the guy that's really, really good at sports, but he...

1:47:18He's socially awkward. He can't talk. He can barely do interviews. He's funny for an athlete. Yes, for an athlete, he's really funny. Okay, so from Jay Leno, the actor that gets the pedicures is Liam Neeson. How does a big action star relax? After a hard day of kicking ass, what do you do to relax? I like to fly fish. Fly fish? Okay, that's very mad. The thing I read in the article is that you like to get pedicures. Yeah. Tell me about that. Well, I'm a late convert, too. A late convert? Okay, so you were against pedicures. What changed your mind? I just, because of this gorgeous, gorgeous little woman called Jackie in New York, who's from Brazil, and she used to come and do my wife's feet and fingers, and she now still comes and does my mother-in-law's feet and fingers. And every time I pass through, I might see all this incredible process going on, and the look of bliss.

1:48:17My mother-in-law's face. I go to try this. Yeah. Anytime you can keep a mother-in-law happy. That's good. Yeah. Okay. So, okay. Then you, then you try. I mean, were you against it? Were you one of these guys? I went to forklift. I peddle Guinness. I'm not getting a pedicure. Yeah. Come on. I'm back from the gym. What are you doing? But I, it's, it's changed my life around. It's changed your life. How has it changed your life? Well, I'll tell you. I used to have. ingrown toenails in 30 years. And this gorgeous little creature just charged them out. And it was instant relief after like 20 minutes. So how long does a pedicure take? It should take about an hour. An hour? So you have a thing against it. I know you have. No, I don't have anything against it. It just seems. So what do you do? You don't like people touching their feet. I'm not a manicure. I'm not a massage pedicure. But perhaps someday, if I saw something that kept my mother-in-law quiet, I would do it also. I would try it. I would try it. It's not gay. And I suggest every man try it. It is. It is. It feels. Did you get ingrown tongues? No. It feels so good. Calluses? I tried it. It was just okay.

1:49:43You need to go to a professional Asian. Agent? Now we're still talking about a pedicure? Listen. I think you both deserve the cricket. Yeah. I'm just going to tell you. If you go to one of these places where they're Vietnamese ladies and they barely speak English. Okay. Okay? That's where I went. They're so good. It's only good for like a couple minutes when they're massaging. Other than that, you're laughing and tickling and they're gouging in and cutting your cuticles and you're like, ow. The place I went to, man, they stick your feet in this warm water. It's every place. And then they take your feet out of there. Every time. They don't do it underwater. They cut your toenails. Then they put your foot in a bag.

1:50:47It's $5 extra, just so you know. It's callous removal. They put your foot in a bag and they pour this goo, this sweet-smelling papaya goo. And they all laugh at you. Into the bag. No, they talk about you in Vietnamese. Yep. And they look at you and then look at the other girl and they laugh. And you know it. You don't care. I don't care because it feels so nice. They pour this. lotion into the bag weird and then they tie it and put it back into the warm water and while they're doing that and waiting they're massaging your ankle and calf with lotion because they've rolled your jeans up then they take oh you you are monstrous I enjoy getting pedicures, but it's not. I would much rather have a massage. I'm going to tell men what happens here, and no one's going to stop me. What color nail polish do you get? Stop it. Purple. Red. Then they undo the bag. Release your foot. They gently wipe it off with a warm rag. See, Sienna's looking at me like, old news. To every guy right now, they're like, really?

1:52:15I didn't know this. You totally are skipping over the painful parts. I'm not done. They wipe that goo off with a nice warm towel. And then they clean the dirt from your toenails. And then they take their tiny Vietnamese hands and they put lotion in their hand. And then they... You rub it on your foot and they give you about a 10 minute foot massage. It tickles. Oh, it doesn't to me. It just feels so good. I want it to go on and on and on. It feels so nice. Why don't you just get a foot massage? Yeah. Yeah. Talk to your wife. Because they also take my, you know, long toenails and make them look great. Now, what I learned, though, is don't tell them this. Can you please?

1:53:18Not buff my toes. Buff my toes. What color? Okay, Will. What color? No color. What color? I don't want color on my toes. French mannequin? Red? French. Two Vietnamese women are talking at the same time. You want red? I don't want blue. You want buff? You want love? I don't want. You want callous? Buff and callous? I shine. I put shine. I put shine. You like. You like. No, no, no, no. You like. Yes. No, no. Yes. Remember he likes. He likes. I don't. You want flower? I want a flower. You want jewel. We put jewel in the summer. We have crystals. Crystal. Crystal. Crystal. So 40 bucks later. So red. Yeah. More than that with tip. Oh, I got a manicure too. Oh boy. He won manicure.

1:54:15I'd rather go to a nice restaurant for $40. For $40? Just by myself. I mean, I could. It feels so nice. It's the most relaxing thing ever. It's pretty relaxing. It's a little gay, but it's... It is. And I recognize that. But you know what? I'm 40. You're married. I'm married. You know what? Who am I trying to impress? Are you in there by yourself or is your wife in there with you? My wife's in there. But it wouldn't matter. If you were in there by yourself, you wouldn't care? Nah. What if a group... Care about what? Like all the Vietnamese ladies that are going to... No, what if a bunch of girls came out on their lunch break and they were like, look at that guy. I think that's Mikey. Is that Mikey from the Mikey Show? I think I've given up in that sense. I'm married three kids. Hey, Mikey, I know you're getting your nails done. Can you do Hoyle? Mikey, can you do Hoyle? Hey, guys, this is Mikey. He's going to do Hoyle. Not now, ladies. After the nail slide, he will. Yeah. When we come back, we're going to do Jay, the old man that does science. Get ready. Oh, boy. Don't know what it is. Oh, boy, oh, boy.

1:55:23We'll also be telling you about a 61-year-old woman from Chicago that gave birth to her grandson. Old man that does science is coming up in a minute. He has his creepy coat on. Got my schmuck on. Have you ever read what his coat says? Yes. Yeah. We've talked about it. Maybe I wasn't here. It says Dr. Seymour and then something. Our old president's name. Then a name of George W. A band. That Gavin Rossdale used to front. Dr. Seymour. Butts. It's not butts. It's not butts. It's George W. And then what does it say under it? I don't care. Gynecologist. Where did you get that, George? Nice beaver. It's okay, Mike. It's okay. Don't worry. It's okay. It wasn't that bad. Did you turn around just in time to see him mouthing it? Uh-oh.

1:56:58This is a look on Mike I've never seen. It was appropriate. You didn't smile until just now. You got me. It wasn't brilliant. It was brilliant. It was brilliant, my friend. Don't encourage it. You make him think. I don't make him think. Funny's funny, pal. It's okay. Tonight's 8 o'clock album is Jeff Buckley. Hear it. Grace. The best album. It's a phenomenal album. You would like it, Mike. No, you wouldn't. I tried to play it for him already. He didn't like it. Yeah. Everyone in your car, you'll like it. Yeah. You got a meeting today? Yep. Yeah. Just ordering some pepperoni pizza. Oh, sold. Sounds like a great idea. Let's do that. Can we order pizza? Diet lasted for like four days. Yeah. There's no pizza in our area that delivers. Why do they hate us so much? A pizza place in Mission Valley. All the pizza parlors hate us. Help us out. Good luck. Let's see. All right, Jay, come on in here. All right, I'm out. I'm hiding. The heck is that? What have you got? This? Yeah. So today's is real simple.

1:58:26Can you talk in that mic or not? Yeah, I probably can. How's that? Can you hear me now? It's not on. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Here we go. Turn it up. How's that? Better? Yep. So today's stuff that I found around the radio station. So I found this neon sign. Yes. And I stole it. It's a neon sign for a champagne company called Corbell. It's Corbell. It's a round neon sign. And the neon signs that really is important is what I want is I want the power pack off the back. So I unwired the neon from – I feel like – you know when David Letterman does stuff and you can tell he's like really nervous? That's me. Yeah. Gosh, Don. You should be. So basically I've unwired the power pack from the bottom. And what I've got is I've got – I went from – stole from Donnie's refrigerator. I've got these rock star energy drinks. and I emptied them. And now you're tying the end of that speaker wire to the little, what do you call that? The tab? The tab. Yeah, basically I put wire extensions on to the power pack from the neon sign, and I'm connecting it to the tops of the Rockstar Energy Drink tabs. All right, very quickly, let me do this. Mikey Show, who's this? Hey, it's M1.boot. And?

1:59:54What were you calling about? Word of the day. And what was it? Pepperoni. Well done. $50 gift certificate to the 2011 Ski and Snowboard Mega Sale. Plus, you're in the drawing for a $250 gift certificate for that very thing. And you won a pair of tickets plus pit passes to the AMA Series race at Qualcomm this Saturday. And we're going to give you an entire case of chocolate muscle milk. I will have it. Get some. All right. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Hang on, okay? Thank you. All right, so he just needed the big power pack on the back of that neon sign, and he's spliced the power off of it, and he's spliced speaker wire onto that, and then he's tied the end of the speaker wire onto the tabs of two empty Rockstar energy drinks. Actually, I left a little bit in just to give them weight so the wires don't pull them over.

2:00:53And then at the bottom of it, I took two little sticks and broke them in half and put them underneath the cans. So see how the cans are kind of tilting apart? Yes. Basically what this is, is you remember the horror movies where Frankenstein, where the Jacobs, they're called Jacob's Ladders, where the spark will gap all the way to the top. That's what I'm making. It's just a simple version of Jacob's Ladder. Okay. I have a question. Okay. Can anything go wrong? Absolutely. There's a lot of electricity going on here. This is scary. Here we go. Is somebody videotaping? Yeah, we're videotaping right there. All right, cool. Oh, gosh. Oh, boy. Oh, wow, Jay. Jay, Jay, Jay. It's got a spark, and the spark is traveling up. The spark is traveling up the cans. Careful, Woods. Oh, wow. I'm going to turn it on and off because this is a real weak container. Here, hold on. Oh, what are you doing? Oh, wow. He's pushing the cans closer together. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Oh, Jay is touching it. He's touching it. Here we go. Touching the can. Now he's switching on and off. There's a little spark. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Yes. It's traveling. Don't get too close because it'll jump over to the microphone. Don't do that then. Oh, gosh. Whoa. I'm terrified when he does things. He should be. Oh, gosh. Don't try this at home, but if you do, send me pictures.

2:02:34Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Works better with copper wire, but... Okay, that was good enough. Thank you. Oh, that was wonderful. There you go. I hope that that's good radio because it scares me so bad that I'm like, it better be worth it on the radio because it scares me so bad. It's awesome. My heart beats. My heart is beating in my chest right now. I know. So hard. Because I think any second that's going to explode, catch on fire, or jump to that microphone, travel through the wires, and blow my earphones off. I get a great one for next week already. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. He scares me. He scares me. Back to a chemical reaction. Oh, great. Great. Okay. A 61-year-old woman in Chicago gave birth to her grandson. Yes.

2:03:40Now, this woman has just become the oldest to give birth in the city's history. Well, yeah. Okay. Well, she was serving as a surrogate for her daughter, giving birth to her own grandchild. Weird. I'm completely okay with this. Why does it hurt me too? Her daughter, Sarah, 35 years old, been trying to have a baby for years with her husband, unsuccessful. So her mother got tested to see if she was able to do it because her mother felt so bad for her daughter. You know, it's one of the greatest gifts of all. Everyone. that wants a child should get one. Woods is very familiar with this feeling. Yes. So she went to the doctor. They did all these physical tests to see if they could fertilize her. Maybe ask a friend. They did fertility drugs, in vitro fertilization, and they were able to successfully impregnate her. How about Facebook? Just find a friend on there and just... Well, it's not always easy and some people can't afford. A friend? It costs tens of thousands of dollars. It's expensive to have a surrogate. What about a friend? To get a surrogate? And surrogates, they can hold the baby and then sometimes they say they want the baby. I mean, you never know. Stuff can happen. What about a friend? Mike. How about a mother? I don't want my husband's sperm and, you know, my egg and my mom. I could never do it, but I haven't walked a mile in her shoes. Yeah.

2:05:02I know, but you have no friends, though? I have walked a mile in her shoes. I know, but can't you ask, you know, wouldn't you go to all of your friends before you would go to your mom? You know, it's a weird thing to think about. Is it? No. Your sperm in an egg in your mom is a weird thing. It's a host, dude. I would go to my mom. It's just a host. And listen, if my mom could give us a kid, she would. Yeah. In a... Heartbeat. Don't question that. And I would take it with a smile. I don't question that. We want a kid. Maybe you go to L.O.B. And you go, L.O.B., listen. That's a lot of strain to ask somebody about their body. This is better for family. And I could see only a relative doing it, but still, it'd be weird to be like, hey, mom, how's our junior doing? You're putting your mom at risk. Yeah. I guarantee the mother is the one that suggested it. She said, look, let me go get tested. I'll do it. I would do it for my daughter. My mom would do it for me. I'm okay with it. It depends on what the mom looks like for me. Oh, my God. Even Woods? Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. Even Woods was creeped out by that? Yeah, that was really interesting. Because Woods doesn't ever. Wow.

2:06:15Get creeped out by somebody. One of the more creepy things, Jason. I mean. Thank you. Thank you. That one even got worse. She had a C-section, the grandma. That's better. That's better. It's better. Then picturing the pushing. Right. I thought you were going to say something else. Well, you know, being 61 and having a natural labor. That's. Discussing. I was very nervous. I'm sorry. Mike, it's okay. I'm sorry. Come back to the microphone, Mike. I didn't do it. Come back to the microphone. He's just wheeled away. He's not even looking at us. I did, man. Do it. It's okay. I said, it's all right. I know what you said. Shut up. Wow, that scared me. Why would I say that? Well, why would you say some of the other things that you say that get dumped more? You know what? In defense to Woods, that's true. Okay, we were doing bits. This was the real talk. And I would never say that word. Let's...

2:07:18I think it's kind of a miracle and amazing. It's the greatest gift of all. I would be okay with my mom doing it. In fact, I think I would prefer it over a friend. Yeah, over a friend. On paper, it looks and sounds cheesy. If you were that girl, then I'd be like, well, who better than my mom? My friend? My 26-year-old friend, Ann? Not many friends would do that, Mike. Yeah, and you would trust your mom. You know your mom will do anything because that's her grandchild that she's carrying. I think it's rad. It'd be weird to see your mom through the pregnancy. Like, really weird. It would be weird. If you just think of it purely from scientific, as Wood said, she's the host. I think it's odd. It is odd. There's no getting around it. I'm not against it. I just think it's odd. It sounds weird. It sounds more than weird.

2:08:18Good luck to them. After the delivery, the grandma had some difficulty with her kidneys, but she is since... See? No. She's fine now, my... She's 61. The body's not meant to have babies at 61 years of age. She has since been treated and is fine. Oh, great. She's fine. Sure it was perfect for her. And she's the grandmother of a beautiful baby that she would have never had if it wasn't for her. Just caught up in emotion and don't think rationally. Grandmother, technically mother. No, not technically mother. Technically mother. Grandmother, technically carrier of baby. Carrier. Host. Host. Not mother. We want a baby so bad that I would let Roseanne Barr carry my baby. It doesn't matter. Yeah, I would. You get to the point where you're like, all right, we've spent 30 grand and we're not getting anywhere. You can do it. Let's do it. It's beautiful. It's gorgeous. It's beautiful. It is. It's a beautiful story. Look, that's the greatest gift of all. It's an act of selflessness. It is? Question mark? No. No, it is. Period. It is four question marks. It is ellipsis. Okay, okay, wait a minute. Ellipsis. It is ellipsis, question mark, exclamation point. No. Period. No. It is gorgeous. Shave that exclamation point. All caps. It is question mark, exclamation point. No. Period. Too far. What that grandmother doesn't have anymore. Take the question mark away. It is exclamation point. Perfect.

2:09:44All caps. All caps. Italicized. Bold. Welcome to the world, baby. Talk to me, Sienna, about, what'd you like this story? The Westminster, the 2011 Westminster contest? Is that what you call it? Dog show. Dog show. Yes. Well, winner was crowned yesterday at Madison Square Garden. And it is a Scottish deer hound. Oh, wow. And this dog is weird looking. What does it look like? It's huge. How do they judge a dog? His name is Hickory. And how do they judge a dog? Haven't you seen Best in Show? I have, but they don't really say how they judge him. They trance it around and they see how well it acts. It's 85-pound Hickory is the dog's name. Yeah. Nearly 2,600 entries he beat out. Little Angel. Yeah, this was the 135th Westminster competition. Mikey Show, hello.

2:10:45Can I talk to Papi? Oh, Beans. This is your dog. I know who you are. What's his little Yorkshire Terrier? Senor Beans. Hi, Bubby. Do you remember me, Papi? Of course I remember you. I cuddled with you all day. Did you? Didn't I? Yeah, you did, but I could see in your eyes you were somewhere else. Well, that's true, but I do love you, and I was cuddling with you. Do you? Yes. He has a lot on his mind. I know. I'm so surprised he still remembers my name. I love you. You know that. I'm a good daddy. Well, anyway, papi, because you and Mama Jamie are so distracted with the midget that you want to bring to the house. A baby? Don't say that. It's a baby. Be a brother. It's your brother. I'm sick of hearing about it. I'm sick of hearing about it. Oh, my goodness. Oh, so great. What about me? I was the first to be here. Yeah. I am his favorite. Oh, sorry. I was Papi's favorite. You'll always hold a special place. Now you're going to have a new sibling that you love so much. All he talk about now, senior con. Senior con. Senior con. Senior con. So I decide I'm going to do something to occupy my time. What are you going to do? Well, I like to be a part.

2:12:11the next Westminster. That's what I say. Westminster. I want to be part of the next Westminster. That's a good idea, Beans. Yeah, that's not going to happen. It's in Pennsylvania. It is going to happen, but you have to take me. It's in New York at the Madison Square Garden, and I can't take you. Why? Because you're so busy? No. You are busy. Very busy. I'm busy, but you're a little... Oh, yeah, there's an age limit. Wow. You're a little bit over that. It's okay. Let me get this straight. I'm not pretty enough to do this. I think you would win in a heartbeat. You're one of the prettiest dogs I've ever seen, if not the prettiest. I'm beautiful. You're gorgeous. You don't have the right haircut, though. What are you talking? The Yorkies that compete have the long, straightened Yorkie hair. I grow it out. We don't like it, though. How old is he? He's five. Oh. Yeah, you know, they shave my hair. Four. I'm not a four. Yeah, I think you're four.

2:13:29I am at two. I forgot. So in dog years, he's how old? 35. Ooh. 28. Hey, Poppy. Yes, sir. I was surprised for you. What is that? I'm going to go poo-poo inside. I'm not surprised. It's raining outside. Your mom's at work and, you know. And you're just sitting at work yapping again. Yes, I'm at work yapping. Don't you dare go in that baby's room. Oh, do you mean the baby's room? that I am in right now? You can't go on baby stuff. Baby stuff can't have dog hair, can't have any pee-pee or poo-poo. Do not go in that room. You can't go in there, Beansy. Oh, Poppy, I am in that room. You better not. Stay out of the crib. How'd you open the door? You want to know something? How'd you open the door? How'd he dial the phone?

2:14:23Shooter, open the door. Shooter, open the door? Do you want to know what I do here? What? I'm going to make pee pee. No, you're not. No, don't do it. You could get the baby sick. What? You better not, dude. You better not. Hold on. How will we know if he's really in there? I don't know. I'll have to go home after our meeting and double check. Oh, you will get to find out that I made a poo-poo inside. And then I made the pee-pee in the baby room. Oh, God. No, you did not. What does the room look like? It is blue. Oh, no. And it is a single gun all over. Oh, my gosh. And there is a picture of a guitar. That's true. Wow. Beans. You're being bad. I have to prove it to you. Well, maybe this is a cry for help. I think so. You pay attention to me. I love you. I pay attention to you all the time. Hang on a second. Someone wants to talk to you. Who is it? Who's this? It's Mikey's cat. What? Why are you over at my house? Oh, you went far. Because I see Senorine. Oh. No, I don't. Oh, gosh. And we're going to do this. Oh, my gosh. It's a good thing my dog lives so far away. Oh, support you. You mean Zipper? Zipper. Yeah, Zipper. I already talked to Zipper.

2:16:00You did? I was coming over. You know why? I couldn't tell on Facebook. That's true. Dog book. Dog book. She's coming over, you know why? Why? Because you don't know about her either. I know. Oh, no. You said you know. I know, it's true. I do care about her, but I'm preoccupied. Jules, your family loves you. Beans, your family loves you. Do they? You sound really sad. No, I'm not sad. It's a problem. What's wrong? I don't know. I can't breathe, but nobody pays attention. Oh, no. Probably a hairball. Zipper! Zipper, we love you. It's just, we're busy. We do, Zip. Hey, what's up, Jules? Nothing. You want to start the group now? Let's go. All right. My name is Jules and... My parents don't give a crap about me. My name is Zipper and I am neglected. My name is Senior Bean. And my puppy don't care about me. Sad lonely pet. This is sad. We are going to read from a chapter 3. We are beginning each session with a reading from a chapter 3 of neglected pet. We are neglected pets. We are neglected pets.

2:17:49We have come to the sound mind decision that we are a neglected pet. Mind and body. And we accept the fact that without God, we cannot become any sort of neglected pet. In a treat in five and a half months. Okay, go ahead. Who would like to start today's meeting of neglected pets? Go ahead. God's dog. Hi, creeper. Zipper, at night, I let you sleep with me last night in the bed. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, shut up. Well, then maybe you guys hang up. You don't want us to chime in.

2:18:54Are you stoned? What do you have to say for yourself? I'm fat. Whose fault is that? I'm a wiener. I do have a wiener dog. And I go pee pee on the inside. Things you don't do it. And you guys have a joint. I might be able to round one up. Maybe some catnip. I don't have anything else to wear. This is so stupid. It's ridiculous. I'm seriously in my mind envisioning your black cat, a Yorkie, and a miniature Dachshund.

2:19:48Sitting together. On Dogbook. Dogbook.com. They're in your house. Yes. I don't know how Zipper made it all the way over there. She phoned it in. The pay no mind list. Oh, that's funny. You guys are going to trip out when I tell you who has been asked and turned down Dancing with the Stars three times. They just asked him again. I'll give you a million guesses. You'd still be wrong. I'll tell you who it is next. This is... Who is this? Courtney Love. Holt. Well, Holt. Holt. I think it's called Malibu. Who's been asked to do Dancing with the Stars? Let's turn them down three times, and we'll tell you who it is in just a minute. I bet it's not the situation. It's not the situation. I bet it's not. Yeah, I'll do it. I'll do it. Whatever. I think he has. What's going on in the news, Sienna? Well, an 84-year-old man has just survived.

2:21:35Five days lost in the desert in Arizona. This is crazy. His name is Henry Morello. He was found on Saturday, and he was hospitalized. He's now in good condition. Let me say that first. But he took a wrong turn after he ate at a restaurant over in Arizona. He ended up in the desert. His car battery died along with his cell phone. Now, he's 84 years old. He can't really walk on his own. He has a cane. So he said he couldn't walk. He had to stay in his car, which was dead, the battery. He tried to walk away, fell down, had to crawl back to the car. He got his cane, put it on the steering wheel, hunched back into the car. He said he had no water with him, but he did have a little bit of pasta left from the restaurant. But he didn't eat it because it would make him thirsty. He used his car mats to stay warm at night. I mean, he read the car manual cover to cover to pass time. It's just so sad, but he made it okay, and he's okay. How did he survive that many days with no water? I don't know. Think he's thirsty? Oh, my gosh. He said that campers came walking along and he said he was just sitting in the car almost dead when he heard a knock at the window. He was like, oh, my gosh. He said that he kissed one of the campers and said that they were like an angel, you know? I mean, he thought he was done. And then knock, knock at the window. Someone's there. I got chills.

2:22:49Oh, wow. I know. That's so sad. Oh, wow. I am with those stories like you are about, like, dogs. Me, too. I am, too, with those stories of the elderly. Kill me. Kill me. Me, too. Jamie and I will see an elderly guy eating by ourselves. We will both tear up in the restaurant. Yeah. Immediately. What if he likes that? I don't know. We just picture that he's a widow and he's eating at Chipotle by himself. We're like, poof. A widower. Yeah, sorry. Oh, man. It kills us. I know. It's so sad. He said that Faith kept him alive and nights were the hardest because he would get scared. Oh, my God. I know. I know. Are you trying to kill our hearts? I'm going to die. I want to hug him. Can we go to Arizona? I want to hug him. Can we please go? I need to hug that man. I need and take him a big thing of Ozarka. I want to just, no one knows what Ozarka is here in California. Arrowhead. And just wrap it around him and just hug him. Do you think when he came to give them a kiss, he had those gummy lips? Stop it right now. White, crusty lips. Stop it right now, Jay. Give us a kiss. Teeth are falling out. Stop it. Jay ever insensitive. Screw him. He shouldn't have been out there. Dummy. Dumbass. Lucky he didn't get eaten by wolves. Why did he build a water well? He was in the car, though. At least he was safe in his little place. I'm 86. I can do it. I can do it.

2:24:11I bet they'll make an I survived after him. A hundred. Also in the news, in GQ magazine, just interviewed Billy Ray Cyrus talking about how his daughter Miley is... You know, going off the deep end, he's going through a divorce with his wife, Tish. And Miley is, you know, had the video about her smoking with the bong and everything. And he says that he's scared for his daughter right now. He said she's got a lot of people around her that's putting her in a great deal of danger. I know she's 18, but I still feel like her daddy. I'd like to try and help at least get her out of danger. I want to get her sheltered from the storm. Stop the insanity just for a minute. He also says that he blames her being on Hannah Montana, the Disney show. He says, if I could take it back, I would take it back. in a second. He blames that? Yeah, because her fame blew up and he was on it and without all that fame, you know, he wouldn't be scared for his daughter's life right now. Okay, so he's saying, I get it. Okay, so he's saying that if she hadn't been on the show, she wouldn't be around. Yeah, he talks about all kinds of stuff in GQ, like his regrets. He said, I should have been a better parent. I should have said enough is enough. It's getting dangerous. Somebody's going to get hurt. I wonder if you cash those checks. Yeah, dude.

2:25:20Yeah, but you know, you cashless checks and you feast, but then no matter what, you're looking at your daughter who's struggling and you want to take it back. I'm just saying, yeah, it ain't worth it now. It's just got to hurt his achy, breaky heart like no other. Oh my gosh, really. I really get it. You monstrous. You monstrous genius. I'm just saying. You monstrous mistress. I'm just saying. You monstrous. Monstrous genius. He said the damn show destroyed my family. Damn show. Wait, wait. Now that I take umbrage with. Yep. The damn show destroyed my family. That I take umbrage with. Blaming Hannah Montana, the TV show on. His family? No. Breaking up? Okay, I can understand him blaming Hannah Montana, the TV show, on Miley being a mess. The fame. But it sounds like he's saying, like. He was on the show, too. And the whole family's, you know, life was around the show. And all of a sudden they were getting in the spotlight. And the fame was out of control. Here's the deal, though. No, yeah, yeah. I believe it. It happens all the time. Yeah, but this is what happens all the time. What happens all the time.

2:26:36is a kid goes on a TV show and they're a child star and they go the wrong way. That happens all the time. But I hear more in that statement than that. I hear, because the guy's divorced. Getting a divorce, yeah. Getting a divorce. And I hear my daughter's a mess and my family is, I'm getting a divorce. I'm reading into it. That's what I take it as. You're getting a divorce and it doesn't have anything to do with Hannah Montana. It's got to have something. You guys, you get a divorce because you decide to get a divorce. That's true. I don't think he's only blaming the divorce, but he's saying, you know, the fame overwhelmingly. I don't like there's one thing you blame the divorce on. Actually, two things you blame the divorce on. You and her. Achy Breaky and Achy Breaky's wife. That's it. Mrs. Achy Breaky. Mrs. Achy Breaky. If you will. I don't want to hear, if there's a baseball player and he's getting a divorce, I don't want to hear, you know what, man? The Mariners, they destroyed my family. Yeah, being on the road. Being on the road. Women everywhere. There's plenty of people that are able to do that that don't get divorces and their kids don't end up whatever. Not very many celebrities, though. Okay. What I'm saying is.

2:27:58There are people that do it. And so don't blame the TV show. I just think fame changes people, though. Maybe it does. I think if you go from really nothing. But you can't blame it. You're assigning accountability to the show instead of assigning accountability to him and Mrs. Achie Breaking. And that's jacked up. It's a large contributing factor, though. Look at Kate and what's his name, the guy. John and Kate Plus 8. It's not John and Kate Plus 8, the TV show that caused two people to be selfish. I think it changes people. If they weren't on the show, they would be fine, I'm sure. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. Lachey. Lachey. You have the tabloids working against you. You have paparazzi following you. I fundamentally disagree. It's people's selfishness. Yes. I don't disagree when you guys say, hey, fame changes people. It does. I don't disagree with that. I think it does change people. But what I disagree with is going, you know, it drove me to it. Well, I think the worst in someone manifests after fame and you don't know how to deal with it. If you're really, really selfish, I think that that can come back tenfold if you're dealing with this fame that you never saw before. And I also think for Billy Ray and his...

2:29:19soon to be ex-wife Tish, they had no idea what was in store for their daughter Miley. And when your daughter goes off the deep end because of fame, you know, they're going to start pointing fingers at each other and it just, you know, makes their marriage fall apart because they're so concerned about their daughter and whose fault was it and who signed her up and you were on the show with her. I bet it's a lot easier to blame Hannah Montana than it is to blame Billy Ray. 100%. It's a lot easier to go, boy, I sure wish that that TV show hadn't come into our lives because had it not, my daughter wouldn't be smoking bongs and I'd still be married to my wife. You know how else you'd still be married to your wife? If you were still married to your wife. And didn't divorce her. And didn't divorce her. But it's a lot easier to hold a flashlight than it is to hold a mirror. He is taking some of the blame for it. And again, this is Billy Ray Cyrus talking about his daughter in the new GQ magazine. And for Miley's 18th birthday, she had a birthday party at a bar. And he says it was wrong. My alcoholism is not Belvedere Vodka's fault. It's not. My alcoholism is not Captain Morgan's fault. Contributor. Yeah.

2:30:40I'm not going to blame the makers of Captain Morgan. Maybe their advertising company you could blame. Nope. Can't blame them. There's one person to blame. Me. I'm the guy that used to go to the bar and sit down and chug those drinks back. I think it's a little different, though, because alcohol is so easily accessible to anybody, you know, really. And fame is something that doesn't strike everybody. And I think it just can. Change a person. Let me ask you this, L.O.B. If I came in here tomorrow before the mics are on and I go, guys, I got to tell you something. I cheated on Rebecca. And you guys are going to find out about it because they're writing a story. It's coming out, blah, blah, blah. What if I said that? How would you feel about me? I wouldn't like you. You would not like me. There is a certain degree of celebrity even at doing this job. Yes. Even at doing this job. There's a certain degree of... The celebrity involved with it. And I came from being a chubby Mexican at Gilroy High. Right. But it's not on the worldwide scale that Hannah Montana was. And it's also... Okay. It wouldn't excuse his cheating, but I could see how it would maybe destroy a family dynamic. Yeah. It does. Not that he even cheated. It has an effect on a family dynamic. But boy, I'll tell you what, man. When it comes to... It takes two people to get a divorce.

2:32:15And it takes, you can avoid divorce very easily. Here's how you avoid divorce. Don't get a divorce. This is why people want to get a divorce sometimes. These are the various reasons. I would like to have sex with somebody else besides you. That's a big one. That's a very big one when it comes to divorce. I met someone who I have a little chemistry with. And by the way, I let myself get to that point of that chemistry, and I would like to bone them. And therefore, I would like to leave this relationship. Now, I'm going to come up with a host of reasons why I want to leave this relationship. But what it really comes down to is I want to have some strange. That's one reason. Another reason is I can't stand you anymore. I'm, quote unquote, not in love with you anymore, which, in my opinion, is a bit.

2:33:18When you're not in love with someone anymore, fall in love with them again. And the way that you fall in love with them again is you stop being selfish. You stop making it all about you. There are things in my marriage, and I'm going to actually use Rebecca as the example because it's better. There are things that my wife does that she doesn't want to. Because she wants a healthy marriage. I do things in our marriage where I go, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. And I do it because I want a healthy marriage. And I'll put her before I put myself. And that's why marriages don't work. Billy Ray Cyrus, I think Woods is right. Billy Ray Cyrus dug the cash. Billy Ray Cyrus dug the fame.

2:34:18He saw what was happening. It's not like he woke up one day and she's smoking bongs. Right. It's true. It could have been stopped. I mean, you know, it could have been stopped if he was that worried. I would say, you know, years ago. But he's admitting that, right? He's admitting that he could have been a better father. Yeah, it just drives me crazy to hear him blame anything on Hannah Montana. They asked him about, you know, the topless pictures of Miley years ago on the Vanity Fair cover. Remember those? Yeah. They said, what about, you know, do you take the blame for those? And he said. Because he did take the blame for him, really, back then. And he said, well, I took it because I'm her daddy and that's what daddies do. Okay, nail me to the cross. I'll take it. Like, he is taking the blame for some of the stuff, though. I don't even like that. It's like, okay, sorry. No, Billy Ray. You're not the victim here, pal. You're not the victim. No, he's not the victim, but I can understand how... Now, I don't imagine this ever going this way for me, but if the person that you married completely changes because of some...

2:35:17life-altering event. And he's like, it's just not working. I mean, it's not the same comparison, but sometimes when there's like a kidnapping or something happens to a child, the family gets destroyed because the two parents keep blaming each other and they just can't. Right. They can't resolve it. And that's an example. That is an example of selfishness. Yeah. Because if you were selfless, okay, here's what selfless looks like. Something happens in the family, that thing goes on. that's really really tragic and you want to blame each other you go i'm not man i'm gonna do something that is very difficult to do but i'm not gonna blame you but it takes two it does it does it takes two and that's what listen i do i'm gonna take the opportunity uh to to put this out there i do a podcast and it's called vom you can go onto itunes and just type in vom And you'll see podcasts and you'll see my mug. And it's a solo project. It's separate from this. I do it at my house with a microphone. And I'll be straight up with you. It's a Christian talk show by myself, solo. And I do all kinds of topics. And I get kind of gritty with some of it. And one of them is about marriage. And Rebecca was in the room. And I let her talk on it.

2:36:40And you can hear her talking because marriage is something to me that is a really big thing. It's a real big thing to me. And it breaks my heart how much families are affected by divorce, how much kids are affected by divorce. And it kills me and it breaks my heart how kids are affected by it. And so if I could help people. To keep a happier marriage. And I have sat down with couples that want to get a divorce and talk to them and try to help them. Because I don't want to see people get divorces. I want people to be in healthy, loving, like, I freaking love you. I love Rebecca more now than I did the day that I married her. And people can have that. But it takes you going. SOB, man. I got to do something I don't want to do right now. I don't feel like it, but I'm going to do something different. M1 Chris from San Diego. Hey, what's going on? Not too much. Hey, I just want to do a big thank you, man. Me and my wife were having some issues. I was contemplating the whole divorce factor, actually making arrangements to go file this week. And after hearing what you were saying, it kind of made me realize that I was...

2:38:07After a period of time, you change your ways because I got so used to her taking the initiative and the role to do this and that. I slowly changed and tried to figure out where things were going wrong. And I was so quick to point the finger. But you got it right on the nail, man. When you say that, you got to take a step back and realize what's going on here to do some soul searching and figure it out. Will you reconsider your divorce? Absolutely. After hearing what you just said, yeah, absolutely. So cool. That's great. That is great. Thank you, man. Thanks for the call. I really appreciate it. Good luck, dude. You got it. I'm going to say this one last thing, and we're real late and everything, but I'm going to say this one last thing about marriage. If you're going through something right now with your spouse, your husband or your wife, and it could even be boyfriend or girlfriend, too. If you're going through something right now, but this is especially good for husband and wife, you're going through something, and you feel like you want to get a divorce, and you feel like you can't stand them, and you feel like it's just all breaking up around you. I did this one time as an exercise. In fact, I kind of ran into it on mistake. Think about your wedding song and think about how you felt when that played. In fact, rewind further than that. Don't even think about your wedding, but think about your wedding song and think about what made you choose that song. Why that song? So it's not even at your wedding. It's just what made you choose that.

2:39:39Because during that time, you were in love with that woman. You were in love with that dude. You guys were in love. Every once in a while, I'll get so pissed off at Rebecca, I'll think to myself, I want to divorce her. Sometimes I know she gets so pissed off at me, she goes, I can't live with this guy anymore. And we both have the same exercise. We think about the song that we got married to. We think about the song that we got married to, and we go, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a reason that I fell in love with you. Try that if you're going through it. If you missed the name of my solo project podcast, it's VOM. VOM. But it stands for Vessels of Mercy. You can just go to iTunes and type in VOM. Gosh, this is a jam. Yeah. Oh, I love this. Jared.

2:45:13is a friend of ours that does createyourdesignonline.com, and it's really cool. Createyourdesignonline.com is a guy, it's our friend Jared, that does high-end graphic design. He can do anything from posters to... Websites. Websites and business cards and stuff like that. He does all that stuff. He's so good at it. He's so good at it. And he's very fast. He does his stuff, turns it over real fast, and it's really good. CreateYourDesignOnline.com A neighbor of Jay's, little boy, 13 years old, he got into a snowboarding accident. He broke his neck, had a spinal cord injury. This kid's got the greatest attitude ever. He's a sweet kid. Really sweet kid. But he is, it left him... Almost completely paralyzed. And he's having a benefit at the belly up on Sunday from 3 to 7. And Jay is going to be the host. And so we would love for people to go down there, show their support. The family really needs your help in being able to raise the money. Because the cost that they incur, about $50,000 a year in costs. And they can't keep up.

2:46:39And so it's twenty five dollars for general admission. Here's the thing. You don't have to actually go. Let's say you're like, well, I want to help this family and I want to help this kid, but I don't want to go. Fine. Just go to a belly up dot com and you can buy tickets and it'll help support the cause because that's what's important. Great kid. Such a sad thing and what happened to him. But to talk to him or to read his story. You'd never know it. He's got a really great attitude about it, but can use your help. And so please help support him. So guess who has been asked to be on Dancing with the Stars? I think that this would surprise most people. Ladies and gentlemen, the Reverend Al Sharpton. Yeah, I just turned him down again. I mean, I mean. I enjoyed doing Saturday Night Live a few years ago. I did my little James Brown thing. Oh, you got moves. But, you know, you have to have your priorities. I'm working very hard on National Action Network. Our civil rights work and our education stuff. And there's a difference in taking one night doing Saturday Night Live and taking weeks doing Dancing with the Stars. So I thought about it, but I took a pass. So you can dance.

2:47:58Oh, I got moves now. I'd blow them out. There would be no chance for anybody to touch me if I just don't have the time. Yeah, they've asked him a few times. Shocking. Reverend Al. And he won't do it. He's got too much going on. Britney Spears has been voted the ultimate gay icon. Of all time. That surprises me. Wow, that's shocking. Isn't it? Well, this is from the Orange County Equality Project's poll. And that is what they voted. And it was a tight race between Britney Spears and Madonna, who came in second with 25% of the vote. Also in the running, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Cher, and President Barack Obama. What? Yeah. No Liza Minnelli? No. Mikey Show, hello. Guys, it's Gay Nick. Hi, Gaylord. Weird that you would call right now. I prefer that you use my name gay. Okay. Your name is Gaylord. That's my full name. I don't like to go by it. That's why I shortened it to gay. Why don't you just go by your last name? Nick. Just go by Nick? Yeah. It's weird. I'm Woods. Yeah. Oh, that's fine for you, Woods. I'm Gay Nick. Okay. That's my full name. Okay. Why don't you just ever say, I'm gay? You just always say, I'm Gay Nick. I do. When I introduce myself, I'll say, hi, I'm gay. What's your name? Lauren. Hi, Lauren. People call me L-O-B.

2:49:25It's easier. People could call you Nick. Or GM. The girls that I go out with, sometimes they're like, that is so weird. I've never heard that name. The girls? Yeah. Like when you meet your girlfriends out for like cocktails? I'm not gay like in that way. I'm straight, but I have girlfriends, so I have girlfriends. What do you think of Britney Spears? I think it's such lame sauce that she... Don't say lame sauce. Oh my God. Oh my God. And Slame Sausage. Oh, Slame Sausage. Shouldn't say that. Voted the number one ultimate gay icon. Who would you have picked? Richard Hatch. You said that real quickly. I had to think about it. I had to think about it. I had to think about it. I had to think about it. But Richard Hatch, the guy that was on the first season of Survivor. Yeah, the first season. He's not even relevant. It doesn't have to be relevant to be, you know, an icon. An icon, yeah. He's an icon. Doesn't make him not an icon. What about Liberace? What? Hello? Yeah. Elton John? Elton John would be good. That's fine. But, I mean, it doesn't even make sense to Britney Spears. She's, like, hot. I would go out with her in a second. Would you? Like for? For Appletinas? Appletinas, yeah. You didn't think that we said Ryan Seacrest, did you? You knew we said Britney Spears. I didn't. This is Gay Nick.

2:50:52Gay, the Richard Hatch thing is freaking me out, Gay. Nobody's even heard, Gay, of Richard Hatch in the last, you know, ten years. Honestly, I don't even know who he is. He was the one survivor. Woods. It's okay, Woods. That... You can't do it. What are you doing? Well, you keep saying my name. Well, that's your name. I know, but you keep saying it. Like, it's so weird. Sorry, Gay. Why do you keep saying it? I'm not doing anything. You're like, you're saying it. Well, that's your name, gang. Oh, my God. Stop saying lame sauce. What about that figure skater? Evan Lysacek? No. Who's that, you weirdo? Why did I know that? I know. Brian Boitano? Yes. I was thinking Scott Hamilton. Why did I know that? You know him all. I don't know. Hello? This is awkward. I'm sorry.

2:51:55Greg Lugatis is a diver. He was a diver. That's right. Telling me he's not an icon. He is an icon. Thank you. You're welcome. More so than Britney Spears. I mean, he won multiple gold medals. Britney Spears isn't even thought of like that. And she's not really, she's not gay. No, you don't need to be gay. Madonna's not. They're all bi, though. Who? Madonna. Madonna's been with a woman. They are big fans. They're fans of their music, of their style. It can be replicated when they do the shows like Lips. What's the matter, Gay? I'm kind of uncomfortable. Why are you uncomfortable? I don't know. Just the way you guys are talking is freaking me out. I'm sorry. Why? You guys are just like so... Why'd you call us? I don't know. I love your face. Oh, okay. We are... happy talking about you know openly gay people or like maybe suggesting some stuff for openly gay people but you seem to be a little buttoned up about it it isn't i'm buttoned up i just get a little uncomfortable yeah why do you get uncomfortable it's okay it's okay i guess i just am a little bit feel a little i don't know like why do you guys have to uh it's i mean it's in the news right now people like at work are like gay

2:53:18Yeah, there's straight people at work, too. And there's gay people. No, I mean, they'll be talking to me. Oh, they're talking. Oh. And they'll be like, gay, are you? And I'm like, no. Are you what? You know. No. What? Gay. But you are gay. I'm so confused. I am. I don't get it. Are you gay or not? Yes, he is. Yes, but. Yes, but. His name is gay. Right. If he says, am I gay? Yes, you are. Yeah, but I gotta go. I love you. I love you. I'm always confused when he calls. Me too. Me too. Just want him to be himself. I know. Just embrace it. Get some. Ah! You know who Jeremy Renner is? Yes. He's a... lead guy in the Hurt Locker. Oh, yeah. Brilliant actor. He was also Ben Affleck's best friend in the town that had the leprechaun tattoo on the back of his neck. Did he make you very nervous in that movie? Yes. He was like a loose cannon. I know. Well, he had a birthday party. Nice. Real life birthday party. And a very well-known, relevant, beautiful female singer passed out in his bed. Nice. And we'll tell you who.

2:54:43Well, we'll let Jeremy Renner tell you who. I think it's whom. Is it? I think it is. Is it grammatically incorrect to say who? I think so. We'll look it up. And you'll owe me five if you're right. Uh-oh. If I'm right. If I'm wrong. Where have these clowns been? Where have these clowns been? I don't know. I like these dudes. They haven't put out an album since, right? They have. They haven't gone anywhere. Really? I like them. 2006, maybe? 2007? Tonight's 8 o'clock album, Jeff Buckley. Hear it. Grace is the name of the album. Grace. It seems like it's the number one middle name now for a girl. Grace. I hear it constantly. She's going to throw that out there. Very older woman's name. But now it's like the ultimate girl's middle name. Everyone's so-and-so Grace. Oh, hello, Grace.

2:56:06You'll hear it now all the time, now that I told you. Grace, pour me a bourbon. I can't, dear. It's not yet two o'clock. Grace, do you have a quaalude? Grace, if you wouldn't mind, please bring me the newspaper and a joint. I haven't rolled any, dear. What's that you say? You haven't rolled any joints? No, dear, I haven't. Have you spoken to our dealer? I did, darling. But I told you, he's on vacation in Jamaica. Ah, yes, that's right. He's a fine chap. When he's back from vacation, make sure that he brings us our marijuana right away. Will you, Grace? In the meantime, bring me my stogie. In the meantime, I'll just take some crack cocaine. Darling, I'm not going to let you have crack cocaine. It's far too powerful of a narcotic. I told you.

2:57:09If we're going to do some stuff, it's only going to be marijuana. That's right, Grace, you did say that. Listen, will you pour me a vodka, make it stiff, and put an olive in it? Make it dirty. That's dear. Jeremy Renner, he was the main guy in The Hurt Locker, and he played the real scary friend of Ben Affleck in The Town. He was, man. He had the little leprechaun on the back of his neck. Both movies, badass. Yeah? Hurt Locker's a good movie, dude. He had a birthday party and was talking about it to Jimmy Kimmel. You know, it was a big party, and I was a little nervous. Charlize Theron was there. Yeah, Charlize Theron. Scarlett Johansson was there. Who else is there that I'm not thinking of? Famous people. Well, if you would have come, you would have known. So I was slightly nervous because I was turning 40, and then I had...

2:58:09Some family, some cousins and aunts and uncles that aren't used to being around, you know, famous people that I'm friends with. Right. So I was afraid, the only thing I was afraid of, having, mixing my family and some friends that I worked with, is that maybe someone might drink too much and do something very terrible. Yes. And none of that happened, except I did something terrible. Wait a minute, I heard Christina Aguilera wound up sleeping in your room. No, she wouldn't. No, no, no, no. She was hanging out. It was hanging like everybody else was, just hanging out. Oh, is that right? Yeah, I was very relaxed. There was no one who slept in your room? No, we were eating cookies and milk. It was fine. It was delicious. What flavor cookies were they? I didn't get that close. Milk, too. That's nice. Did people bring you gifts, or was it one of those birthday parties where no one brings stuff? Well, yeah, I asked people kind of not to bring me gifts, but I'm still finding things in random drawers. It sounds like Christina Aguilera passed out in his room. Yeah. That has not happened at my house. I had read that she passed out in his room.

2:59:29her boyfriend had to like scoop her up and be like, come on, babe, let's go. Get out of here. And Jeremy Renner was like, who's that? She wasn't even invited. Really? Wow. That's what I read. Yeah, when I read about it, it was, excuse me, that he was not pleased that she was in there. Not pleased. I bet not. I wonder if he didn't know that it was Christina Aguilera and he thought it was some random girl. I think he was upset that there was family there and it wasn't supposed to be that kind of party. She wasn't even invited, apparently. She just hates America and crashes parties real good? Yeah. She doesn't hate America. Falls of the Grammys. Excuse me. Sorry, we have Christina Aguilera in studio. I wasn't expecting her. You guys are so mean. I think she's a beautiful girl. Don't go in the bathroom after. That's all I'm going to say. I'm telling you. I've done it. You haven't. I have. You haven't. As far as you know. That was Lauren O'Brien for the record. She's so sophomoric. She is so sophomoric and will make these jokes about Christina. Woods, please never do that again. He made a very inappropriate symbol. I'm not going to say what it was. I know it.

3:00:58L.O.B. came up with it. I did. She invented it. I did not invent it. You invented it. Yes, you did. It was hideous. Oh, Lauren. You're acting like 14-year-old boys. 100%. It's meeting day. We always get a little loopy on meeting day. Which is like my big brother that tells me about the new dirty stuff. 100%. Really? I think you're like the big brother. No, I like to find out about new stuff. Yeah. All right. How you doing, Hil? Oh, great. You like this weather or hate this weather? I like it because it gets so hot. Usually it gets so hot here in the summers. I welcome the change. But it's February. I know. Going to have downpours. Downpours. Friday. Friday, downpours. It's winter. Oh, yeah. Exactly. No. There's snow in the mountains. My garden needed some watering. Yes, mine too. Well, you're going to get plenty of it because it's coming.

3:02:02Poor. We should probably just take the day off. Yeah. Oh, boy. Let's see. Hill, what do you got coming up? What did I grab? I grabbed Pinback's Blue Screen Life record and the new Cold War Kids and some Clash and the new Social D album, which I was on iTunes this morning. Checking out the new Lady Gaga song. Is that that Madonna song? Something like Madonna song. I know. I didn't download it, but I was checking it out. Social D's new album, Hard Times and Nursery Rums, the number three most downloaded album on iTunes, beating out Mumford & Sons, beating out the new live Pearl Jam, too. But all three of those are in the top ten. There you go. Yeah. The Rock is back. I guess so. Lovely and Talented Hillary is up next, and we'll see you tomorrow morning at 6. Mike shows out.