The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 02/17/11
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Jeopardy/WatsonChris employmentMonopoly changesUncle Leo tributeSteve Jobs healthMumford & Sons GrammySauce slang debateJustin Bieber Burger King prankjeopardy watsonmonopoly electronic toweruncle leo seinfeldmumford sons grammys
The show featured Mikey hosting with Woods, L.O.B., Sienna, Jay and Chris, who debated hiring Chris full‑time while discussing the new electronic Monopoly game. They paid tribute to the late Uncle Leo from Seinfeld, speculated on Steve Jobs’ health after seeing gaunt photos, and reacted to Mumford & Sons’ Grammy performance. A lengthy slang discussion about “lame sauce” and “awesome sauce” preceded the highlight: Mikey’s Justin Bieber disguise prank at Burger King, where he followed the crew’s on‑air commands and received an unexpected egg on his Whopper.
What happened, in order
Chris Full‑Time Hire Debate
Mikey, Jay and Sienna argue over whether phone screener Chris can be hired full‑time, noting his school schedule from 5 a.m. to 10 a.m. blocks the offer.
Jeopardy Watson Bram Stoker
The crew watches a Jeopardy episode where Watson correctly answers a Final Jeopardy clue about Bram Stoker, winning a million dollars for charity.
Uncle Leo Tribute
The team mourns the passing of Len Lesser, who played Uncle Leo on Seinfeld, recalling his memorable shoplifting antics and Jerry’s repeated hellos.
Steve Jobs Health Rumors
Sienna shares troubling tabloid photos of a gaunt Steve Jobs, speculating about his illness while noting he was well enough to meet Obama in San Francisco.
New Electronic Monopoly
Sienna excitedly describes Hasbro’s updated Monopoly that replaces cash, dice and chance cards with a computerized tower that tracks every move.
Mumford & Sons Grammy Reaction
Mikey initially dismisses Mumford & Sons but after watching their Grammy performance he admits he loves it, prompting a discussion about the band’s faith‑laden lyrics.
Justin Bieber Burger King Prank
Mikey dons a Justin Bieber wig, mascara and guyliner, goes to Burger King under direction from the crew, orders three Whoppers and ends up with an egg‑topped burger after asking for crème brûlée.
Lame Sauce vs Awesome Sauce
The cast debates slang terms like “lame sauce” and “awesome sauce,” with Mikey defending the former as a humorous insult while others call it juvenile.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLauren O'BrienSiennaJayChrisDemickAdamRebeccaJakeClaudiaNitaCarlyJasper
28,075 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, welcome to the show, everybody. It's a Mikey show at, uh, what is today? Thursday. Well, you know what? They said that it was supposed to rain. It looks like there's some clear skies out there. You can see the moon all pretty and everything. How great was that moon driving in? Yeah. So bright. Beautiful. I think they said it was backing off on Thursday and then coming in hard on Friday. That's probably the deal. It's probably the deal. Let me look at my radar models that I have here. You know, I've got a lot of sophisticated software. And, okay, it turns out that my software is apparently like the same picture over and over again. Yeah. I've been looking at the same picture for four days. Nothing's changed. Nothing's really changed. So, you know, unless, you know, these clouds just stay in one place all the time, my stuff doesn't work. You're like a miniature Buddha.
Covered in hair. It works, you know, if you really think about it. What does it mean? You are a miniature Buddha covered in hair. But I don't have hair. You're covered in hair. Not really. I'm kind of known for being bald. You'll have hair on today. Oh, Sienna reminded me. You're a pretty hairy dude. Yeah. Not, though. Yeah, actually not. Look at my arms. Well, you shave your arms. A lot of guys that shave their arms don't have hairy arms. He doesn't shave his arms. He doesn't shave his arms. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You don't shave your arms. You wax your arms. No, no. He doesn't need to. You nair your arms. You nair your arms. I don't do anything to my arms. You're not very hairy. No. Your face is. Yeah. Yeah, I do have goatee. Because he grows facial hair. I can't do that. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I'm 40. And I did a podcast before I came in this morning. This morning you did? Yeah. Wow. I had time. I woke up at 12.30 a.m. Oh, my goodness. Had a little bit of time. Crazy. Couldn't sleep? Or just one of those days? Woke up, you know. I mean, I was going to get up in an hour anyway. What was the point?
Sleeping for another hour. Yeah. That would be a big point for me. Me too. So, yeah, got up, did my VLM podcast. You can see that on iTunes. If you go to iTunes, I have a Christian podcast that I've decided you're going to start to hear some of the old characters that I legally can't do here. Sweet. Yeah. That's awesome. Why not? So how long is it? How long is your podcast? About anywhere from, they're always between 20 and 25 minutes. Wow. It's the longest 30. Do you know what you're going to say when you go into it? Yeah, I have a topic I'm going to and just do that for 25 minutes. It's fun. Is it a video podcast or are you just doing audio? It's just audio. I got that microphone that works so good from your computer. It's called the Yeti. It's real good. It's inexpensive. So I'm Mikey. Woodsy is our sports guy. He's 35.
Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as L.O.B., she is our assistant producer. What she really is, though, is a funny chick. And she's 30. I almost texted you last night and said, you're a badass. But I thought... I would have liked that. She's not going to understand. She'll be like, what? What does that mean? I would have gone, ha, thank you. Sienna's our news girl. She's 25. She's got on a cool looking ring today. I like it. Yeah. Wear it every day. You do? I have a lot of rings. I try and rotate and I stick with one on for like a month and then I bring in another. I do not have a lot of rings. I have various gems. I'm a ring person. I love gems. Not so much a ring person. I'm a diamond and jewel person. Yeah, I'm a... Ruby, sapphire, emerald, amethyst. Well, I'm a gem person. A rare stone person. Rare stones. I believe I have all of those. You have all of those? I have a lot of stones. Oh, my God. All I want ever is our rings. I wonder where the heck, like, they mine all those different things. Like, you know, they got to make new ones. And so if they want to make more ruby rings, where do they go get rubies? Where are rubies?
You know, I mean, apparently it's someplace in a hill where they mine it. It's the Agora Hills, you moron. Idiot. Stupid. Worthless. Geological. Idiot. Geologically challenged. Idiot. Crying out loud. You're telling me, Plebeian, that you have no idea where they mine rubies? No clue. East of Darfur, stupid. That's why you should know. A lot of the stones aren't very expensive, though. Rubies are expensive. But this thing I got in San Francisco, under $100. No, wow. Is that a sapphire? Aquamarine. Ah. That's a... It's a March 1st. One of my new favorites. It's rare. It's a tanzanite. Oh, my gosh. Oh, wow. Tanzanites are great. Tanzanites are the new hot thing. You know, I only have two of them because they're a million and a half apiece. No, they're not very expensive.
Let's see. Jay is our producer. He is 47 years of age. Interesting fact about Jay. He's an African-American that looks just like Carmelo Anthony. Yep, so true. What? No, he's not. He's a white guy. But we'd like him much better. By we, you mean you who are attracted to black guys. Yes. Uh-huh. There you go. And then in my office, separated by glass, is our phone screener, Chris. That's great. Super Chris. I just called him Little Angel. Yeah. Wow. He's a nice guy. He's looking very sharp today. Guess what, Chris? You have a glow. Guess what? I have asked our engineers to put a microphone in there. Yeah. How happy he just got it. Oh, that was a beautiful smile.
One of our higher ups in the company, like a big dude. He's like, you know, I don't know. What is he? He's like the he's like vice president of programming. Yeah, I think so. Demick. Demick. He's in town. And we should tell him, you know, to hire Chris, put him on the spot, like do it in front of the entire staff. And in front of Chris. Yeah. In front of Chris. Hey. Can you hire Chris? Full time. He's here every day. Can you do that? Can you hire him full time? Y'all shut up. Y'all I talked to him yesterday. He can't. It ain't gonna happen. You guys are a bad influence. He wants to finish school. Alright. And he's gone. Finish school. He can finish school in the afternoon. No, he can't, Sienna. Why? Because he's got school from 5 a.m. to 10 a.m. That's not true, Jay. When you're in college, you can make your own schedule. But he's already made his schedule until next semester. It's about to be a new semester, isn't it? Classes that have been available to him in the afternoon. That's right. I talked to the admissions people.
He ain't getting out of it. So y'all quit asking questions. Come here, Chris. I made a balloon for the dean. Such a sad boy. I sent the dean a big old gift pack of coffees. They're rare. Well, I stole them from the Lincoln Financial break room. I borrowed them. Nobody was using them. So are you telling me, Chris, that if we were to offer you a full-time job, you could not take it? I can't take it. You can't? Till when? My heart just broke. It's broken. Stop laughing, Jay. I'm just telling you, you guys. Till when? Till when? For about two more years. I have two more years left. Two more years? Two more years, guys. We can't wait that long. Now who's the smartest? If I could do it all online, I would do it all online. I demand an apology. Oh, my God. You understand, Mike? He ain't yours. He ain't never going to be yours. He ain't going to have him. He's going to be out of here, all right? Now get it through your skull. You can't have him. You can have him, but just part-time. You know, Chris, I dropped out of school when I was over there. And look where I am now because I did it.
Sienna, you are the devil. I'm just kidding. You have food. I wasn't kidding, but I'm stating a fact. It's important for him. I know. Can't have him, he's mine. It's mine. You understand? Mine. All mine. You can always go back to school. Down, down, down. Go, go, go. Get away. Go away, Chris. He works for me. All right? You never go back to school. I know how that works. He don't even work for you. I'll try to finish as soon as possible. Thank you. I promise. There you go. All right. Now, your timing there is done. Why don't you put your headphones down? Answer the phones. Get the phones. Make the coffee. Get some coffee. Keep it zipped. Now, say your forgiveness, fool. That's right. Keep that door shut. I don't want to look at you. Jay, why are you so mean to Chris? It's Mr. Isbell or Mr. I. I love Chris. I man. That's right. Not I man. You call me Jay, I'll slit your throat. I'll cut it right off. It's you guys I have a problem with. I'll cut your throat off. I'll cut it right off. I'll slit it off. I'm so sorry, Jay. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. When Jay said, I demand an apology and Mikey froze, I was like, oh gosh, what's going to happen?
Give it, man! Chris is so sweet. He brought us coffee cups just because he's nice. Yeah, we didn't ask him to. He knew that we needed him. It's called going the extra step. Oh, give it up! Never, not, I mean... It's like the first time you've ever seen coffee cups in your life. Hey, Woods, just why don't you go ahead and take his pants off? Yeah. I mean, for goodness sake, Woods. Get a room. You're going to do elected president of the world? Of the world. Maybe. Really? I'd vote for him. Oh, President Chris just can't do wrong. He's perfect. The word of the day is swallow. Sometime between now and 10 o'clock, you will hear... I thought about the bird, okay? You will hear me say the word swallow, and when you hear me say that, be caller number nine and get fabulous prizes. The least of which is an entire case of chocolate muscle melting. You know, it's a new year, new you. The FMC would be...
Joke about that. Big money. Muscle milk prize prize? Buys that stuff. Oh, yeah. Can he call in? We're not related because we're not married, so he can still qualify for prizes, right? The rocks on that broad. That's the deal, though, right? Wow. Just checking. Just checking. Do we have any movie passes back there? Oh, boy. Chicken dinner? At 7.30, I am putting on a wig. It's the best wig I've ever seen in my life. Period. Is it? Period. It looks so real. You look so good. Will you wear it until then? Please? No. Oh, gosh. It's a wig. It's a Justin Bieber wig. And if you want to see what it looks like, go to Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. And, you know, join our fan club. I don't know what it is. Our fan page. Yeah. Join our allegiance.
And you can see a picture of me wearing this wig. Now, what you don't see in the picture, because I haven't done it yet, is I'm also going to be manscared. Can I do it? Of course. I don't know how to do it. Oh, wait a minute. I'm freaked out. Has this been used? No, it's all brand new. It's brand new. Adam went out and got us a wig and the guyliner. Guyliner and mascara. You're going to look beautiful. Yeah, and both Sienna and L.O.B. brought makeup remover. I didn't. I thought you should keep it on. I think Adam got you that. Adam got you that. Got it. He's nicer than me. L.O.B. brought me generic. Yes, they work just as good as the name brand. It does not shock me that she brought me the generic brand makeup removers. I was like, oh boy, I'm going to be put on blast for this. Can you imagine if L.O.B. and Jay were in a relationship? We'd be millionaires. They would. We'd save so much money. They would live in this studio. Hey, Lauren, you at the garden? Pick up an onion for the night. We should split an onion. She's like, well.
The onions are only the size of, like, right now they're only the size of, like, a penny. That's fine. That's fine. Better than paying for one. Well, bring a pan of dirt in, too, then. Yeah. Pay the seed. It's organic. It'll have onion flavor on the dirt. Yeah. Let me fertilize it. Oh, man. So people are interested in this, okay? So that's what I'm going to tell you. I am. This does not do much for me, but I know people really are into this. There's a computer on Jeopardy. And the computer's name is Watson. Well, it's an IBM supercomputer. The stupid thing won the game and won a million dollars. Listen to this. Our three players have made their wagers. The category is 19th century novelists. And here is the clue. William Wilkinson's An Account of the Principalities of Wallachia and Moldavia. Have you heard of that? No! Okay, because I said yesterday I don't know anything from Jeopardy and you guys are like, oh, you plebeian. Well, final Jeopardy is always impossible. Inspired this author's most famous novel. 30 seconds, players, good luck. Now, what are they doing? They're trying to... Writing it down. They're writing down 30 seconds to write it. And they've already put their wager, so...
John Locke. We come to you, Brad, first. You were in third place with 5,600. Yeah, screw you, Alex. That's what I have to say. That's my answer. You came up with what? Who is Bram Stoker? You are correct, the author of Dracula. Author of Dracula. And you will do what? You'll double your score to 11,200. And we add that to your total from yesterday, which was 10,400. That gives you a two-day total of 21,600. Over to Ken Jennings now, 18,200 going in. Bram Stoker. Is that the famous Ken from Jeopardy? Yes, he is a smart dude. Yeah, they brought back like the top people to play against Watson. Imagine having a conversation. At, like, the mall court, the food court at the mall with Ken. What do you talk about? Nothing. Or everything. Everything. And we find who is Stoker. I, for one, welcome our new computer overlord. Smart laugh. Your wager.
The wager was $1,000. That takes you up to $19,200. Yesterday wasn't so good for you. You had $4,800. That gives you a two-day total of $24,000. Now we come to Watson. We're looking for Bram Stoker. And we find who is Bram Stoker. It's a computer. Wait a minute. Isn't the only way a computer could know information the Internet? No. They said during the game he can't access. The internet. It can't. Well, how would they put every piece of information ever known in it? Because it has to have the data. How would it know? I don't know. Maybe at one point they upload all the information. No, they said during the game he can't access the internet. Can't he? No, he can't. How do they know? It's a computer.
I hate it. They turn off his capabilities. They unplug it. It's so funny. Hello, 17,973, 41,413, and a two-day total of 77,147. Ken's like, this is stupid. I'm out. Watson won the million-dollar prize, which IBM said that it's going to go to charities, World Vision. Maybe it goes to Ken. Charities called IBM. No, it's going to charities. World Vision and World Community. World Vision's cool. I know of World Vision. They feed hungry people. So that's good. And that means, ladies and gentlemen, that World Vision and the World Community Grid, two very worthwhile charities, are each going to benefit with $500,000. Well done, Watson. Thanks for watching. Great. Ken's standing next to him with a put-on smile going... Yeah. What does he look like? Is there an actual computer sitting there? He's got brown hair with a part in the middle. It's more like a butt cut is what it looks like. Congratulations, Watson. Are you really stoked? Mikey, would you let me take a leave from the show to compete in the next GAO party? No.
Way tom-tom girl. Why not? You don't think I can compete? I think that you can, but you're far too valuable to us than to be running off, traipsing around in Los Angeles. Plus, what if you get hooked on cocaine and you fall into that L.A. lifestyle? It's L.A. scene. Get some serious publicity for the Mikey show. Yeah, we might get publicity for the Mikey show, but I don't want you to become a victim. Of that fast lifestyle. I don't want your life. You know, that's a lot. You know what you're doing. You know what you're doing. I've been uploaded with pop culture references. That is a quote. From Varsity Blues. From Varsity Blues. Varsity Blues. It's not Varsity Blues. It's Varsity Blues is how you say it. Varsity Blues, Tom Tom Girl. Varsity Blues. Close enough. It's not going to get any better. That's as good as it's going to get. Try it one more time. Varsity Blues. Varsity Blues. That's as good as it'll get. I learned it by watching you, Mikey. You're doing it again. Just do it. See, you're doing pop culture references. You know, that's obviously a pop culture reference. It's about the music. Be different. See, she's...
She's naming things that she's observed and things like that, you know. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba, I'm loving it. She's going to make Mikey hungry. Frank's red hot, get some. See, she just will say whatever it is that she's seen. Copenhagen satisfaction since 1822. You're looking at Woods as Copenhagen now. You're just naming lines from movies and stuff like that so it doesn't... Read my lips, no new taxes. Something that George Bush said back in the early 90s. Yep. Thank you, Tom Tom, girl. You're a joy to be around. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much. I am not familiar with the TV show Seinfeld. That's too bad. You're a monster. You're a monster. What kind of American are you? I know I'm Mexican-American. I know most of the references. All right. I'm a Mexican-American. Sorry it's not Morrissey, okay? It's a pretty good show. So.
A person on Seinfeld has passed away. Yes, his name is Len Lesser, but he went by Uncle Leo on Seinfeld. Hello. So, Leo, how's everything? You doing okay? I still have the ringing in the ears. Sounds like the phone. Yeah, yeah, but what about money? Are you strapped? Do you need a little? Are you kidding? I should be loaning you money. But I'm not. Leo. I saw you in Brentano's yesterday. Why don't you say hello? Because you were too busy stealing a book. You still say hello. What was the character? Jerry's uncle. Seinfeld's uncle. Oh, really? Hysterical. He was just a weird guy. Yeah. That episode, Jerry saw him stealing a book. Yeah. He's brilliant. He's so funny. He took a wallet out of the trash, a jacket out of the trash, something like that. He always got mad at Jerry for never saying hello. Jerry got him busted by the cops, and he goes, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Uncle Leo.
Hello. Oh, dude. Really? It was brilliant. He passed away in his sleep Wednesday morning in Burbank, California. He had some complications from pneumonia, but he was 88 years old. Good long life. Yeah. The beauty of the show was, it was a show about nothing. It wasn't about anything. It was a show about nothing. Brilliant. Such a great show. Oh, it's brilliant. Bye. I don't know what's wrong with that. You would love it. I would love it. It's a show about nothing. She could get it on DVD. I'm the master of my domain. Like George Costanza and you have a lot of similarities. George Costanza has the biggest wallet there is. That's right. George, your wallet is giant. You can't even close it. It's a show about nothing. You know, all these references never saw an episode. Not one. Is that a bit? No. It's the same thing with friends. Listen to this. Give me the first few lines of the kitty cat song. Smelly cat. Smelly cat. Smelly cat. What are they feeding you? Never seen it. That's like me with Austin Powers. Yeah. It's not your fault. Yeah. It's pop culture references. Anyway, Uncle Leo, poor guy, has passed away. All right. Well, we got more things to tell you, but we'll take a real quick time out. We'll come back. We'll tell you how.
Apparently some pictures of Steve Jobs have been released that are very sad. And Sienna is very excited to tell us about something new with Monopoly. And I'm not sure if you heard this, but someone screwed with Letterman and he fell for it. No. They made him think that a huge person in the news right now wanted to come on his show. And he sent out a press release about it because the person is that big. In the news. And it turned out it was a hoax. And he had to tell his audience about it last night. So we'll give you the audio of him explaining next. All right, so we'll let you hear the way somebody got over on Letterman. Fooled him. Hoax. Don't forget that it's 7.30 an hour from now. I will be leaving the building and going down to an establishment.
And I will be going into a business with a Justin Bieber hat or a Justin Bieber wig on. It's blonde. And if you don't know, I'm bald. And I'm Hispanic. And I'm, you know. Isolate. She just loves humor about me. But that's so good. Yeah. And so I'm going to put on a Bieber wig. I'm going to put on mascara. And I'm going to put on eyeliner. And I'm going to go into a business. And I'm going to have a. earpiece in my ear, and whatever these clowns here tell me to say, I have to say. Now, we were going to have Jay do it, but I tried the wig on yesterday, and everybody started laughing. They were like, you have to do it. Unanimous. Oh, it was the best. So I'll do it at 7.30, and we'll videotape it so that you can see it, and you'll obviously hear it on the radio at 7.30. Word of the dough is...
Over the day I swallow. When you hear me say that, Caller 9, fabulous prizes. So, Steve Jobs. Rumor is that, you know, he's ill. Oh, boy. It's not even a rumor. It's not a rumor. He is. He's ill. Yeah. You know, he took some time off a few weeks, a couple months ago, saying, you know, medical leave. He needed some abstinence so that he could focus on his health. Mm-hmm. And so. Now, a tabloid. Not the most. The reader? Reliable, of sorts. Well, hang on. A lot of people may be wondering, because I don't do rumor. We don't do gossip. We don't do that. But these are photographs, okay? Yeah. And the photographs, who cares what the story is, but the photographs is what is compelling. Yeah. It's a very, very sickly looking. Well, and this story I found all over the place. Okay.
So it wasn't like I went on a tabloid's website and was like, oh, look what they said. I saw it everywhere, and it's from this tabloid. And there are pictures of 55-year-old Steve Jobs, and he is looking real, real skinny. Gaunt. On the headlines, it said probably weeks to live, which hopefully is not true. Hopefully that's not true. How could they know? He does look very skinny. Today, actually, he's well enough to go to San Francisco because today he's meeting Obama there. So I just hope he's okay. My son Jake is doing better. His little limp, I guess, got better in his leg. But then my dad had to go to the hospital yesterday because he had a kidney stone again. How many is that for him? Oh, dude, I'm not kidding. Like 12? Maybe more. What causes that? Calcium. Oh, great. I don't know. There's stuff he's not supposed to have. It's not everybody, though. Some people, well, they have calcium and it's not going to do anything. Some people can drink coffee and it doesn't do anything. Rebecca is susceptible to them and so is my dad. But he's fine. He said the people at Palomar Hospital were really cool. And he said they were so efficient. So anyway.
That was my day yesterday. So, the Monopoly game. Sienna, you're so excited about this. You know. You love it. It makes you happy. It's exciting. You know, Monopoly is something that everyone has played. Oh, yeah. And they've really switched it up. What did they do? Hasbro made this announcement earlier this week. And there's no longer going to be the community chest. There's no longer going to be chance cards. There's no longer going to be chance cards. There's no longer going to be paper money. There's no longer going to be dice. The board looks completely different. And in fact, in the center of a board is a computerized tower. Call it fakeopoly. Don't call it fakeopoly. It's going to be so fun. You like change with your technology. You're going to like it. I bet you'd like it. Certain things, don't you think they should stay? I hate Monopoly. That game takes forever to play. Nobody likes it. The core audience for Monopoly is 8 to 12 year olds. So, 8 to 12 year olds, what do they love nowadays? Video games. Can I ask you a question, Sienna? Yeah. Percentage of human beings that have ever played Monopoly without getting angry. Percentage of human beings. Three. You believe in your heart.
that there are 3% of humans that have played that game without getting pissed. I wholesale disagree. I believe 0% of human beings have ever played Monopoly without getting mad. How many times have you gone, screw you, dude, you're not cheating. That's cheating. It's freaking cheating. Oh, really? You're going to buy that last one. All right. Cool stuff. Look at you. You ever just own everything? You guys are a steal from the bank real good? Yeah. Oh, 100. Whoa. I used to play with... Well, I guess we're just making up rules, right? Oh, yeah, the makeup rules. That's the other thing. You never stole from the bank? Wow. Listen to this, my friends. There's no longer cheating because the electronic tower in the middle of the game monitors every space you move, every amount of money that there's no cash money anymore. Big brother. They use an ATM and you can swipe the ATM through the tower. The tower hosts the game. Does it let you do free parking? So if you land on free parking, you get the money? See, that's what you forget all the time too.
What do you mean? Like if you pass, you're supposed to collect. 200. Once you pass, go. Yeah. And you're like, oh, wait. Youth would forget that. I never forgot that. Yeah, like, oh, wait, I passed it last time. Too bad. Too bad. Snooze, you lose. Mm-hmm. For some reason, I never forgot that. Me neither. I always remembered my 200. Yep. Mm-hmm. Pay me. 200 bucks. Bam. Pay the man. Well, when you play once every six years, it's easy to forget the rules. But it's. I think this is great because it cuts out cheating. There's no more bankers because this tower does everything. It's the host of the game. There's no rule books. It speaks the tower and can explain things. It's $50 for this new game, which isn't that much. How much is the old one? Like $25? We should play it on the air. Yeah, that sounds like a blast. Doesn't that sound like good radio? For everyone in the car, it would be really fun. Wouldn't that be fun? They could play along with us. Sounds awful. Really? They could just visualize. Yeah. Sounds great. Okay. So here is David Letterman having to explain how he got duped, basically. Take a listen. Last week, I did a thing on the Grammys with a top ten list, and there was a Lindsay Lohan joke about her stealing a Grammy award. The next day, I get a call, and it's a guy, and he says, Lindsay thought the joke was hilarious. You know, Lindsay is going to stand trial for stealing stuff.
So the guy says, Lindsay thought that joke was hilarious. She wants to be on your show. And I said, great, great. So I called Pat O'Keefe in publicity. And I said, get the press release out immediately. So she shoots it right out. It goes around the world. People are saying, are you kidding me? This is going to be fantastic. This is going to be like the Super Bowl. Lindsay Lohan is going to be with a live satellite kind of a thing, and then Lindsay Lohan says, oh, you know, none of that's happening. I don't know what's going on. It's not true. And so it turns out I was duped. Here's my problem. Excuse me. I get too excited. I get too excited. Who wouldn't be, though? Lindsay Lohan. Excuse me, I got a thing. Yeah, I think this may get its own show. Think about that. Now listen to me. So it turns out we were duped, and I have no one to blame but myself, and boy is my face red. And so you put the audience tragedy on top of the Lindsay Lohan thing. And by the way, now I need to apologize to the Lindsay Lohan family. I hope I didn't embarrass you, Lindsay, and your family. Get it. Get it. Get that part of it. No.
Passive aggressive. Passive aggressive. I hope I didn't embarrass you and your family. Because they're already embarrassed. Because she's already embarrassed her and her family. All right. Well, there it is. The guy got got. What are you going to do? I wonder who got him. Probably some just normal person. Some guy. Some dude. Some prankster, yeah. All right. Well, I'm going to go online and try to find the new Monopoly game. Oh. How come I say I don't like stuff and then I want it like two seconds after I say I don't like it? When other people say they want it, you're like, well, I can't be left in the dark. Right. You want it, I already got it. You get your $200 after you pass go? I don't know about it. I mean, I can't read every rule. It's probably gone up. Inflation. $2,000. Yeah, it's probably $2,000. Give me the money. Yeah, it said that the premise of the game is the same. The rules are the same. Because you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight. I drove an $80,000 BMW. That's... My name. Dalek Baldwin playing Monopoly. Yes. A lot of things happening in our lives. I thought this was pretty interesting. And if you have kids, you can relate to this. Jay went home yesterday and thought somebody had stole his fire pit from his driveway. And when he told his eight-year-old son Jasper, Jasper said, well, we need to call 911.
And Jay said, I don't think that's a very good idea, Jasper, because the police won't really be able to do anything about it because there's no clues. And Jasper said, maybe the crook left a note. That's so sweet. That's so sweet. So awesome. And then Jasper decided that maybe their dog, Bear. could just smell where the fire pit had been. We could track it. Track him and leave it to the thief. He was so sincere. He's like, here it is. Got it. Now it ended up that Jay's other son, Finn, had just moved the pit underneath the toilet. I was so bummed when I thought somebody stole it. Oh my God. That's fantastic. Little kids want to be detectives so bad. Well, it's just... What was funny about that to me was just kid logic. Yeah, kid logic. It's like me. The worst spanking I ever got when I was a kid was because we had a rental property behind our house. And for no reason, I took a twig and decided that I was going to pick the lock. And it broke off in the lock. Now, what would a grown adult person do? A grown adult person would just leave it alone. Just leave it alone. Right.
Not a kid. Kid logic dictated that I go to my dad and say, hey, dad, somebody. Somebody. Guess what somebody did, dad? You'll never believe this. I'm outraged by it. Somebody broke a twig off in the door lock over there. And he goes, really? Let's go take a look. So we go, we should go take a look. I'll go with you. I hope you find the bastard. Let's get a posse together. So we went over there, and sure enough, there's a twig broken off in the lock. And my dad says, hey, you wouldn't have by any chance it broke that twig off in the lock, would you? Dad, what kind of stuff is this? You think I would be telling you if I had? Yeah, I mean, of course I didn't. That would be ridiculous. Are you sure that you didn't break this off in the lock? Oh, yeah, I'm positive. I'm positive that I did not break that off in the lock. Okay, well, I tell you what. I'm going to give you one last chance to tell me if you broke that off in the lock. And I did what is absolutely the worst thing I could have done because my dad and I were going through the process of me being in the Cub Scouts. I gave him the old...
Scouts Honor. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Dead man. Raised the hand. Oh. Scouts Honor. Dead Scouts Honor. How old were you? 22. I would say probably 10. Probably 10, something like that. And, yeah, so what we did was we called the locksmith. Locksmith came out, fixed it, changed the lock, changed the knob, the whole deal. And what that did is allow us to go inside the rental property, which was vacant at the time, where dad proceeded to remove his belt. Oh, boy. And I got the, depending on how you look at it, best or worst spanking of my life. Now, what I will tell you is.
I did not lie to my dad. I didn't lie to my dad after that. There's a good, good lesson about lying. How did he prove it? He knew it. He just knew. Yeah, I mean, he's not stupid. Because it was kid logic. Would you have gotten spanking if you'd have told the truth? Oh, if I had told the truth, I wouldn't have got a spanking. He'd have been mad. He'd have been really mad. I learned that lesson, too. You know, he'd have been really mad, but he would not have. And maybe if I did get a spanking. the story to this day wouldn't be the worst spanking of my life. It might not even resonate with you because you might not have remembered it. I might not have remembered it. I've been spanked by my dad before. That one I remember. That one I remember with vivid clarity. And I don't blame him. That Scout's Honor bit took him over the edge. Yeah, that was the capper. And I remember him saying to me, he goes, this is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you. Now, Having kids myself, I know that was a true story. Yes. Oh, yeah. It does freaking hurt to get your kids, you know. But kids desire it. Kids desire discipline. Yeah, they need it. You know, we have two different people besides myself and Rebecca that care for our kids, Claudia and Nita. And Claudia is – they're both extraordinarily sweet.
Claudia cannot discipline the kids. She can't. She doesn't have it in her. Rebecca told Claudia, listen, if Jake does blah, blah, blah, you've got to give him a timeout. And we'll see him do the blah, blah, blah, and Claudia will actually move away from him? Like, I don't see it. I don't see it. I don't see it because she doesn't want to have to. Can't be the bad guy. Can't be the bad guy. Nita doesn't have a problem. It is time for timeout. You will go now. Wow. She'll do it. And it's so funny because I said to Jakey, thinking he would say me or his mom, I said, who do you love more than anybody else? And he said, Carly and Nita. So sweet. Carly's got a crazy crush on her because she's a teenage girl. He loves teenage girls. I would cry if he didn't say me. It was so cute, though. I know. And Nita, because Nita is like his big sister. She doesn't take any junk from him, but she plays with him and he loves her. I thought this was good, too. Sienna goes home yesterday after our meeting and treated herself to some garbage television. I did. Her and her...
Little five-month-old baby watched One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl. Yes, I did. That is garbage. I know. The entire time she was watching One Tree Hill, she just was anxious for it to end. Just end, end, end, end, end, end. Now, you would probably ask yourself, well, why would you be anxious for something to end if you could just change it at any time? Well, the reason that she can't change it is because she's been watching it since season one. Wow. Well, now she's invested, okay? She's got a sick addiction to finishing the show. I do. She's addicted to it. It's the worst show. It was good. I remember it being good at one time, and it's getting... There are some shows that you can't stop watching. Oh, it's so bad now. And I can't help it. That City in Color, the group that you like, was actually singing on the show. That was the one good part about the show. Really? Because it was like a Valentine special show that they did. And it's bad. Oh, they were just, I love you. I love you. Every relationship is so cheesy and fake, you know? Oh, it's so bad now. And then, oh my God. It's so bad now? Oh my gosh. Okay, so... How dare you?
So my daughter, Liberty, loves this show. So I'll come in and she always records it. So then I'll come in there and stand. I'm like, this is awful. I'll be eating lunch. I'll just stand there watching. I'm like, so I get back into it. Because I watched back in the day. It was good back in the day. It's so bad now. The world's cheesiest show. But it's got hot girls on it. There are hot girls on it. Younger than your daughters. Oh, wow. We just dropped it. They're people, okay? They're late 20s, probably. Yeah, they're late 20s. My wife, Rebecca, was listening to our show yesterday and said, you know, you were having a conversation about the band Mumford & Sons. And I said, yeah, I don't get it. And she goes, you have to see them perform on the Grammys. And I said... It won't matter. And she goes, why don't you give it a chance and watch them perform? And so she starts to go to the TiVo. And I don't want to. I don't want to. Because she's going to. She wants to. And I do the same thing with her. I force things on her. She wants to force it on me. She wants to Mumford and Sons rape me. Musical rapist. She wants to musically rape me. And I'm like, no means no. No means no. And it's my body. And no means no. These are my ears. These are my ears. And she wouldn't take no for an answer because she's like a.
Rowdy fraternity boy. And so I'm playing from iTunes. I'm playing this. And I go, I don't know what frame of mind to be in when I listen to it. Am I a Viking? Should I have a pint of Guinness in front of me? I go, should I be in? Like, where do you listen? I go, am I in the shower? I got a kilt on. Am I in Dublin? Am I in Dublin? And she played the Grammy thing. And I loved it. I loved their performance. How long did it take you through the song to admit, all right, I like this? That's a great question. That's a great question. I could see you, like, out of protest. I did. Just mad. I was. Stupid Irish band. My arms were crossed, and I was sitting there watching it. Slight smiles. And I even said to her, I even go, I go, I'll look at Colonel Sanders with a trucker hat on. Oh, I'm so cooler than the room.
I'm cooler than everybody. Look, I play the banjo, but I'm in my 20s and I wear a trucker hat with a Donald Sanders tie. I'm watching it and I'm like. Start tapping your toe. Yeah. But at first you hide it. My face starts to change a little bit. Yeah. You're hiding it because you don't want her to know. And I'm like, and like in my stomach, I'm like, damn, I like it. I think I like this. I'm enjoying something. I kept watching and I kept watching. And then they were like jumping up and down. Yeah. Weirdo. keyboardist. And I'm like, I think I like it. It's funny too, you got an all out of salt because Danny wrote on your Facebook page, he's like, yeah, these guys are huge into their faith if you listen to the words. Really? Yeah. I saw that, but I was like, even if they are, there's a ton of Christian bands that to me are just crap. I don't like them. I don't like the music. So it wouldn't have mattered. I just didn't get it. I don't get it. But then I watched that live performance of Mumford & Sons. Did you buy the record? I didn't buy the record. If they had a live record, maybe I would buy it. I bought it right away. Yeah. It makes me want to go to a St. Paddy's Day break. See, I saw the first time... How often are you, L.O.B., in a St. Paddy's Day mood?
I'm Irish. She's Irish. Every day. She just calls that music. Yeah, it's just music. Those are just tunes. We started playing the single on the station here. It was the first place in town that I heard it. First place in the country. Yeah. And so I'm cheap, and I went to YouTube instead of iTunes just to be able to listen to it. And they're doing a live performance of the song in their video. It's not a music video about anything. It's them performing. And right away, I was like, I have to see them live. I have to see them live. It's that kind of band where you're like, I want to be there stomping around. Just like. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. Pull the vessel. I stepped on my chair. You ever feel fat you can't dance a jig? Oh, boy. It's funny because he's fat. I can't dance a jig. I hate you all. It was four Sienna ones. I said it to get the reaction from Sienna. You ever so fat you can't dance a jig? I'll dance a jig right now. Go, let's go. Don't you not joke when you hear one? That's his signature. He's over there dancing a jig. Wow, that's pretty good. Really good. Lord of the dance over there. Yeah. Wow.
Wow. Great job, buddy. It's like you're doing hopscotch or something. Perfect. Don't you worry. You ever so bad gets me. You ever so bad you can't dance a jig? It's a new mom for any sons, by the way. Sounds like the Titanic. This is funny. Yeah, the bottom level of the Titanic. In college, I dated a girl that went to Notre Dame, and her name was Molly McDonald. Irish as a guy. You're making that up. That can't be Irish. An Irish lass. Well, I went to her home in Chicago. Oh, yeah, blonde. He just stuck out his hands like big juggies. No, I didn't. I go to her home in Chicago, meet her family. We're hanging out. They're like, Molly, Molly, dance, dance. Do your bit. Do your Irish dance. No way. She did. Never talked to her again. Oh, my gosh. Mortified. Why? In front of her whole family. She's doing the bit. I died. I was like, well, see you later. That's making a comeback for little girls now. It's sweet. It wasn't sweet. It was embarrassing and repulsive. That's a great example of those things that somebody does that just turns you off. What ruined it for you? What ruined it for you? Okay, we got to do what ruined it for you. What ruined it for you? What ruined it for you? Call us right now. 570-1949.
that to most people they'd be like that is what ruined it but you went out with somebody and they did this and you were like forget it it's over and it does i mean we're not looking for she farted because that's like i think a lot of people that's obvious yeah that's obvious what we're looking for is like something like what woods just said it was I sat there. I would give a million dollars to see the look on my face as I sat on her couch with her mother, her brothers, her three brothers, her cousins, her grandmother, and watched her dance, her Irish dance. Well, wait. Did she just do it? They were egging her on. They put music on the whole thing. They put music on, and they're like, Molly, Molly, do your thing. She's like, no, no, no. They're like, please, please. She's like, okay. And she gets up and does the fingers in the... Yeah, the thumbs in the waistband. The bell buckle. Thumbs in the band. Oh, my God. Looking right at me. Looking at you. How old was she?
We were 21, 20, 21. Was she real pretty? Yes. Dude, why would you, why would you? Yeah. It ruined it. That wasn't cute? It ruined it. That wasn't cute. I was mortified. I have one, though. Mortified. So shallow. What? Yeah, give me your shallow. When I was in high school. 5701949, your shallow reasons for dumping someone. Because when you're in high school, what everyone wears, it really matters. Yeah. And this guy I was talking to, we weren't like dating or anything, but he wore hemp sandals. That could do it. Now I would probably be able to get over it and be like, ditch the sandals. But I was like, oh God, I was embarrassed to be out with him. You couldn't be seen. He's going to wear the sandals again. I can't do this. You couldn't be seen. I have one. Eighth grade, a girl was over at my house and we were watching a movie and I could hear her nose. Whistling. It wasn't whistling. It wasn't whistling per se, but I could hear. Ew. Heavy breathing? Yeah, and I was like, ew. Ew. That was out. 570-194. Our phone lines are blowing up with people calling about it. I just want to be alone tonight. I just want to take a little breather. All right, so we'll talk to you about those. Because lately all we do is fight.
And how about this? You want to hear the real Darth Vader, James Earl Jones recite a Justin Bieber song? Me too. So we'll do that next. I know, is it on the new record? M&M? No, not on the M&M record. It's not. Where can you get it? Oh my gosh, you are screaming at me. I'm not screaming at you. At the top of your lungs. I have to buy this right now. I have to buy it. Skylar, what's her name? Skylar Gray? Skylar Gray. G-R-E-Y. It's not on his own. And Eminem and Dr. Dre. It's called, I Need a Doctor. She has one of those really unique voices that can stand out. Oh, did I infuriate my wife last night? Why? Because she had seen the Grammys, I hadn't. And so...
She puts this, she puts the, she goes, I want you to see one more performance. I'm like, I don't want to. You're such a child. I know. Is there anything worse than your wife telling you that you have to see something? I do it all the time. It's infuriating. But they know you better than you know yourself. But it's infuriating. And so, and so they, did you guys see the Grammys all year? No, I wish. Rihanna is singing, right? And she goes, Rihanna is so good. And I go, that's not Rihanna. And she goes. Yes, it is. And I go, it's not, babe. We played the clip back. It's some girl. And she's like, oh, my gosh, you're infuriating me right now. And I go, babe, it's not Rihanna. I know. And she goes, blip, blip, blip, blip, blip, blip. And she just TiVo'd back. And she goes, okay, it's not Rihanna. It's not Rihanna. It's not Rihanna. It's not Rihanna. Ladies and gentlemen, Rihanna and Eminem. That was before the Jay song. Yeah, I know. When they sang the... So I thought it was... I thought I knew everything. And I thought it was Skylar Gray. You're like, oh. And I go, oh, sorry.
That happened yesterday, too. Isn't that the worst? When you have to admit it, you're like... It's Alec Trebek. No, it's Alec. It's Alec. I know. It's the worst. This kid's going to win a lot of money being on this show. I know. I'm telling you. On some bets. Poor Mike. I've got you two. Our time. 570-1949. That's a jam. Call us and tell us right now why you shallow person you. Dump somebody. Like, what was the dumb reason that you didn't hang on to him? For Woods, it was because he went and visited this girl's family with her. And she was Irish. And the girl...
Her parents forced her to do the jig. Yeah, her parents were like, show us, show us, show us, do your Irish. And she did, and Woods was like, oh my gosh, that's mortifying. I was so embarrassed. I'm embarrassed talking about it now. Oh my gosh. And I just sat there. You are such a buster. You are. You are. Am I? M1 Mike from San Diego. Hi. So, the thing that you did that you broke up with a girl and you, kind of a shallow thing. One time we were sitting on the couch. And this girl said, hey, I'm going to make some meat. Are you hungry? I said, sure. She busted out with the pizza pockets, Mikey. She put them on the cookie sheet. She got them out of the freezer, put them on the cookie sheet. And I sat there watching her eat them on the couch. And I thought to myself, nope, it ain't going to happen. She's going to blow up, dude. I knew she would blow up. Yeah. That's right. Unbelievable. And I was right. And I was right. So I made the right choice. You know, as shallow as it was, I did the right thing, Mikey. Yeah, you saw the pizza pockets and you were out. Out, dude. Done. Guy broke up over pizza pockets. That's it. There you go. Thank you. M1 Sarah from Poway. What was your deal? Went to a soccer game, a professional soccer game. And the guy I was seeing at the time, he wore out his specially ordered helium.
Those little shoes. No! No, he didn't. I knew a guy at my old job who wore them. No, you don't. A grown man. No, you don't. Shoes with wheels. Those are for kids. Yeah, so he's like 25 and he's like 6'2", tall, handsome guy. Oh, my gosh. I had a pair. Oh. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Jay? Had a pair. You had a pair of shoes with wheels. Kim may have sold them in a garage sale without my consent. Oh, my gosh. Good work, Kim. Thank you, Kim. I was pretty good on them. I was pretty good on them. You should be ashamed of yourself. Hey, Jasper, you got nothing. Look what I can do. You should be ashamed of yourself. How much fun at Home Depot are they? They tell you you can't wear them there, but you can. They tell you you can. Sarah? I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry for our listening audience. I'm sorry for everyone that just heard Jay say that he's a grown man that wore tennis shoes with wheels. Sorry for Kim. I'm sorry to Kim. I'm sorry for his kids that were probably mortified. Right now, they're like, Dad, you realize people know you're my dad and you're saying on the radio that you had Heelys. Maybe the coolest guy in the world. Maybe not.
Think that we were together. Of course. Of course. You couldn't walk ahead of me because I'd catch right after that. You're a real Steve McQueen, dude. You can pop those little wheels out. You can. You should have just demanded it. Didn't he, when you would walk ahead of him, Sarah, didn't he healy up to you real quickly? Yeah. Did he go, whee? He's like. It was when he fell that really did it. Oh, yeah. He fell. He fell. He fell. He fell. He fell. They are hard to wear or water. First of all, he took you to a soccer game. Strike one. Second of all, you had a Healy. Strike two. Third of all, you fell. You're out, pal. You're out. Got to perfect your art. Jay, just stop. Stop. I know. Thank you. Thank you for the call, Sarah. It's brilliant. Jay is still standing by his Healy. Dang, he's proud of it. Yeah, it was fun. It was fun. M1 Sasquatch from Oceanside. Good, dude. telling us in real life, but hey. There's this girl that I was with, and we went to this fast food joint, and she ate each one of the components of the meal separately. Like, she would eat all her fries first, and then she would eat her soda, and then she would eat her hamburger, and then she would drink her soda, and it just bugged me so bad.
I know a guy that used to do that. Todd does that. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. Dad does that. It bothers me. I think technically it means you're a psychotic. Serial killer. Serial killer, psychotic. Maybe schizophrenic. Now, was her name Eileen Wuornos? Dude, I don't like it either. I don't like it either. I don't like when people do the one at a time thing. My mom used to yell at us as kids. We weren't allowed to. Yeah, it tastes good together. Bite of burger. Throw some fries in there. Drink a Coke. With this tasty burger. Tasty burger. By the time you get to the next thing, it won't be as warm. You got to eat the burger first, then the fries. I love peas, green peas. You got to get green peas and mashed potatoes together with corn. I used to drive my mom nuts. She'd be like, eat them together. Don't eat them one at a time. I'm like, why? Keep your eyes on your own pot pie.
Maybe I eat it the way I like to eat it. Let's see. M1 Sandra is on the line. You there, Sandra? Yeah. So why did you break up with a guy? I showed up at this guy's house. We were kind of going on a group date. He was a bit socially awkward, so I really didn't want to be caught alone with him. And he worked with me, kind of gave him a chance. The minute I get into his house, he proceeds to show me a demonstration of him bench pressing. And then he starts showing me his college correspondence, which is like he was my kid coming home from kindergarten showing me his fingerprint. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. He was embarrassed. I was embarrassed for him. And then he tried to show me his abs later, and that was the coincidence. Yeah, that was it. I was like, there's no way I can look at you and ever think romantically anything. Was he a good-looking guy? He was a reasonably good looking guy, yes. But you couldn't. He had a creep vibe. Yeah. I mean, you can't. I was always creeped out too when you walked into a guy's house and the first thing you see sitting on top of their fridge was a huge jug of the protein powder. It's okay if you take it. I just don't want to see it. Like the first thing you walk in right on top of the fridge is where it's the go-to spot. He does that on purpose. Get the milk on your cereal, ew. That's like how I used to leave my guitar just laying against my bed.
At my apartment. All right, I'll say this, and every woman is going to think that I'm a monster, but this is the safe, and this is the honest tree, and this is the trust tree. I know what you're going to say. You know what I'm going to say. Yep. If I was going out with a girl, and I went to where she lived, I know it's natural. I don't want to see them. Really? Like, you couldn't figure out? Not even in the box, in the wrapper? No. You're ridiculous. Agreed. Put them away. You're a father of three. Bury them in the backyard. Bury them and go get them when you need them. You deserve to have four girls. Yeah, you do. Have a basement. Have a basement where you keep them. Keep them in the attic. How about a lockbox? Yes. How about a chest? How about a safe? It's not bad enough that we have to deal with this. We can't even have the stuff to our convenience. How about...
A shoebox with a master lock on it. How about one of those big old school filing cabinets that your parents had in the garage? Perfect. We should just stay in bed for those days like they did in the old days when they thought you were sick. And then you guys should have to take care of us. I like that. And have to stay home from work and make sure that we're not going to die. Well, we got to earn a living. Listen. Yeah. You guys. Just being breadwinners. Yeah. Just being breadwinners and putting food on the table. Yeah. I'm a breadwinner too. I know you are. Listen. But what am I? I guess we both are. I'm self-sustaining. It's okay. It's okay that you guys, that that happens. It's natural. Yeah, we can't help it. I know. Actually. But can't those things go in a place where nobody ever has to see them? Can you put your razor for your disgusting facial hair away? It's so gross. You use a razor too. We don't have to. Yeah, you do. No, we can get wet. You do use them though. You use them. Nope. Give me something that leaves it. I get everything wet. I'm not going to leave my jock strap laying on the, you know, kitchen. I'm not going to leave my G-string hanging in the kitchen. Okay. That wouldn't bother us. I'm not going to put my jock itch can. Good call. I'm not going to leave my jock itch can on top of the sink. I'm not going to put my feminine wash on top of the sink. See you later. Yep. And I'm out.
I just left my body. That would even got me. You want it? That does not exist. You got it. That does not exist. You want it? I didn't deserve it. You got it. I didn't deserve that treatment from you. You want to go tit for tat? You got it. You brought a cannon to a water gun fight. Yeah, you did. Well, if you just grow up a little bit, I wouldn't have to use a cannon. That's true. You guys. It's not the same. We were in here the other day, and we had both televisions on, and a commercial came on for a product called Vagisil. I thought we were going to... We were like seven-year-old kids, me, Woods, and Jay. I actually pointed out. I said, Lauren, what is that? Turn around just in time to see the Vagisil logo. For the record, I have never purchased feminine wash. We just want to put it up. We got you. We got you. We know you don't need it. M1 Mike. This is so uncomfortable. Well, it is uncomfortable, but I mean, I wouldn't want that out there. No! I wouldn't want something that's like, you know. Not so fresh? Yeah. M1 Mike from Bonzo. Hi. Well, it was an interesting date.
Uh, we were just going to go out and just kind of keep it simple. Uh, go do some Mexican food. I just call it food. I just call it food. I just call it food. Okay. So anyways, we go out, we start talking and five minutes into it, she starts doing finger quotes about everything. I'm like, okay, well, it's not too bad. So our food arrives and we start eating and another couple of minutes go by. All of a sudden, I look over, and she's got nothing but taco sauce pouring down her arms. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. And I just kind of step back, and I look at the whole situation. I'm like, yeah, I think I got to go now. Oh, my gosh. I mean, it wasn't just one or two drips. Like, okay, maybe that would be okay. It was like, oh, shit. Cream of taco sauce down the arm. You just call it sauce. Oh boy, that would get me. Thank you. Thank you, Mike. That's brilliant. My sister, Waverly, went on a date like a couple months ago. And she was, you know when you're in high school, you'll like get a phrase or something and you say it all the time and you're not even aware of it. Even you do it as an adult. Well, Waverly would say, this is true.
This is true. Like every five seconds, this is true. And I'm like, wait, really? And she's like, I can't help it. I can't help it. So she's like asking me for advice before this date. And I'm like, whatever you do, don't say this is true. She's like, this is true. She did. This is true. This is true. I mean, she couldn't help herself. And so at the beginning of the date, she caught herself saying it like eight times. And she's like, oh, my gosh, I can't stop. So she pointed out. She's like, look, I'm so sorry. And the guy ended up laughing. And he's like, oh, you know, I say this all the time. And it got her out of it. Sienna, if you look like Waverly, you can say this is true. No, that's it doesn't matter. It does. This is true. I would have been like, I love the way that you're saying this is true. All right, listen, we got to stop because I'm going to have you live on the air right now, Sienna. Put on my manscara and my guyliner. Because when we come back, I will be at a business establishment and I will be doing the Mikey Show kook. And somebody's going to get Bieber'd. Bieber. I'm putting on a Justin Bieber wig, manscara, and guyliner. And I'm going to wear...
A little headpiece in my ear. And you clowns in here, L.O.B., Sienna, Woods, you guys are going to tell me what to say. And I have to repeat it. Done. Go ahead. Let's do this on the air. I don't want to break my coffee breath in, so I got gum. All right. All right. Where is the stuff? The stuff is right here. All right. So first, you're going to start with the what? The pencil. Why aren't we taking pictures of this? We don't. Yeah, we need to. Where's your camera? Before and after. I don't need to be in that. This is sealed. I can't do it. What's the deal? You need scissors. Oh, wow. How did you do that? Wow. I'm sitting here trying to unseal it and Mike's like, whoop. Oh, wow. Where does it go in the bottom? Where does it go? Where does it go? Your eye is freaking out. Is it twitching? Aren't you supposed to go like this? I always see chicks go like this. I'm sorry. I'm yelling at you. Put my makeup on, Ryan. You are? Is this coming off easy?
Does this come off easy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be honest, Sienna. His eye is like a firework. Oh my gosh. Hey. I'm sorry. Ella B. Yes. Does this stuff come off easy? Be honest. Yeah. Are you lying? No. You are lying. I'm not. I have generic wipes. Weird. How does it feel getting eyeliner on? I hate it. Your eye is going to, it's mad at me. It's going to burn. More than likely. Your eye is having a heterosexual reaction. To the guy liner Your eye is having a heterosexual reaction It's easier to do the bottom How do you do this to yourself?
I like it, actually. You get used to it. I like putting eyeliner on. Oh, my gosh. This is the most. Does it hurt? I don't. I just. Okay, close your eyes. I just wish it was over. It's almost over. I'm going quick. It's not like a perfect job, but it works. Is this going to come off real easy? Yes, you'll be fine. Oh, I hope you guys aren't just. Oh, it looks pretty. Every day. For the radio. You're seeing it. Your eyes. Wow, I can see it from here. It looks really pretty. Let me see. You're so pretty. Oh, gosh. I need to add some more over here. Oh, gosh. Wow! It really makes your eyes pop. I'm about to go... You look gorgeous. I'm about to go get Bieber. Oh, my gosh! Make it nice and dark. Wow, what a difference that makes. Okay, now the mascara. All right. Here we go. Nice Bieber. It's mega volume. That was Woods that played that? Look at him laughing hysterically. He's laughing hysterically. He's laughing so hard. Look down at your microphone. Turn your mic on, Woods. You're not looking at your microphone. Oh, wow. Can you guys hear me? Yeah. This is rad in here. Now look down at your red flag. He looks hysterical. Nice beaver. Woods.
I can't hear what he's playing. Don't play that anymore. He's in the other room playing Jason. You're clearly gay. There's nothing really you have to say about that. You're gorgeous, Mike. You have long, beautiful eyelashes. Oh, man. This is what I do for a living. My job, I have three boys. I need to approve those pictures. Yeah, I know. More than likely. I'm a respected member of my community. I'll just go light on the mascara because you have dark eyeliner. You should do a photo shoot for like your podcast or something like that. So I can never run for center. You look pretty. Nice Bieber. That says Bieber. Wow. You look so funny. Oh my gosh. Wait till the wig is on. Okay, is that good? Oh my gosh. Look at me. Is that good? Wow. You're just a serial killer? Oh my gosh. Does it look like a... Adam Lambert? No, does it look like a clockwork orange? Yes. More than likely. All right, so where's the wig? Behind you, right there on the car. Justin Bieber. Mike's about to look at himself in the mirror. Oh, my gosh. Nice Bieber. Don't put your hand up to your mouth like that. It makes you look even more feminine. I'm going to add a little bit more over here. Your eyes twitching. Please, please get this over here. Oh, boy.
It's like he's allergic to it. Come on, come on, come on, come on. Get it over with. Get it in there dark, real good. Yeah. Darken it. Now you're speaking English language. Oh, boy. They're real good. I'm making it worse. Oh, boy. All right, all right, all right, enough. Wow. I want to go. I want to put my Bieber on and get out of here. Is that bad? It's brilliant. Is it good? Okay, I just, you know, I'm being a perfectionist. Put on your wig. Okay, I'm done. Okay. Okay. Holy cow. All right, so when we get back, I'll be downstairs, and I'm going to go into a business establishment, and I'm going to listen to you guys tell me what to do and what to say, and I'll say it. That's Justin Bieber. Hello. Miguelito. Hi. How are you? Real nervous, guys. Are you nervous? Yep, I'm nervous. Where are you right now? I'm standing outside Burger King, and I'm about to go in there.
and people are looking at me, and they are laughing. Have you seen, are there people inside Burger King? Yeah. How many would you say? Six, seven. Are they laughing at you or with you, do you think? At me. Oh, okay. Can we do this? All right, you guys ready? Yeah, we're ready. Let's do this. All right, when you hear me get up there and start talking up to your cues to know that I'm ready. Okay. Oh, boy. Walking up, standing in line, but they are... Is there anybody in front of you? Nope, not yet. I'm standing right in front of the camera. First question is, is the Whopper fat-free? Okay. When somebody comes over, there's only one person I can support. Actually, first question is, habla espanol? No, don't do any. I don't want to do any of that. Okay. I don't want to do any, like, racial. Is the Whopper fat-free? Is the Whopper fat-free.
So right now, Mikey is dressed as Justin Bieber, wearing a Justin Bieber wig. He has guy liner on and mascara, which I've just applied. And the eyeliner is very thick. It's thick. Black thick and black. Hello? Did they walk away from the counter? I'm hungry. Hello? I'm hungry. Oh. Oh, boy. Hi. Is the Whopper fat free? No, fat. It isn't. Do you guys have Pop-Tarts? Okay. Do you guys have Pop-Tarts? No. Can I text my order in next time? Can I text my order in next time? No. Do you like to text? I don't know if she doesn't know what I'm saying. I think Miley Cyrus is pretty to you. I think Miley Cyrus is pretty to you. Do you like your job? Can I have three Whoppers, please? Can I have three Whoppers, please? Those are just for me. You know that. Those are just for me. You know that.
Do you have double whoppers? Do you have double whoppers? Could I get six patties on one burger if I wanted? If I wanted to, could I get six patties on one burger if I wanted to? I just started straightening my hair. Do you have any tips on anything I can do to make it really straight? I just started straightening my hair. Do you have any tips on what I could do to make it really straight? Do I smell good? Do I smell good? Okay. Have you ever frosted your tips? Have you ever frosted your tips? I'll just take the three Whoppers. And do you guys have creme brulee? No combo. Do you know who Usher is? Do you guys have creme brulee? Do you guys have creme brulee? No. I'd like a creme brulee. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Have you ever made a YouTube video? Have you ever made a YouTube video?
I was discovered that way. I was discovered that way. What cologne do you wear? What cologne do you wear? I wear a size three shoe. I wear a size three shoe. Do you like my leather jacket? Yes, let's go. Do I look like Tom Cruise in Top Gun? Do I look like Tom Cruise in Top Gun? Would you consider this shirt a medium? Oh, gosh. Consider this shirt a medium. No, yes. Did you know that my dad was a shepherd? Do you know that my dad was a shepherd? Are you still serving breakfast? You're still serving breakfast. I don't want any. I was just curious. Okay, I don't want any. I was just curious. What's on the dinner menu for tonight? What's on the dinner menu for tonight? Do you guys have swordfish? Do you guys? I'm sorry. Do you guys have swordfish?
You do not. Do you have any specials tonight? Do you have any specials tonight? No. Okay. What's the soup of the day? All right. There's someone behind you now. What's the soup of the day? Last question. What's the soup of the day? I'm moving. Just saying. Justin Bieber's out. You've just been Bieber'd. You've just been Bieber'd. You've just been Bieber'd. Now he has to wait for his food. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Did you get the food? Mike, is there anyone around you? Yes. Say, I'm a Belieber. Are you? I'm a Belieber. Are you? A Belieber. A Belieber. Oh, I'm a Belieber. Say, you know it's true. Blondes really do have more fun. Oh, gosh. He's going to get punched in the face. You know it's true. Blondes really do have more fun. You know it's true. Everything I do, I do it for Burger King.
No. Has anyone seen The King today? And you have to sing it. You have to sing it. You know it's true. You know it's true. Everything I do. Everything I do. I do it for Burger King. I do it for Burger King. Hey, has anyone seen The King today? Has anyone seen The King today? Thank you. Thank you. Oh, please. Thank you. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Get out of there. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. That was so brilliant. Are you still in the store? No, but I'm not kidding you. My stomach is turned inside out. I feel like my stomach is doing wheelies. Were people staring at you? Oh, my gosh. They were staring at me.
staring at me and she said did you hear what she said about the video no no chris was so cool about it like he was he had the video so low like you couldn't even see it and she finally because i was there so long she noticed that he had a video camera oh boy she goes you can't video you can't video oh boy and so chris of course got scared and so he stopped videotaping oh boy and she goes you can't video you can't video oh my gosh well dude you absolutely Killed it, my friend. Do you think that she likes you? Let me tell you something. Besides getting lost while trying to propose to my wife, that was one of the hardest things that I've ever done in my life. Oh, my gosh. Dude, you nailed it, my friend. Good thing you guys found that sound effect. It's right there. It won't stop. Hit stop. I did.
that they will let me expense the $12 for the three Whoppers. Woods told you to get everything he wanted, like creme brulee. 100%. Do you have any creme brulee? I can't believe I have creme brulee. I realized that when you asked for creme brulee, she somehow thought that that meant eggs, and so she put an egg on one of those Whoppers. Oh, my. What? Is that some secret we didn't know about? I don't know, but we have an egg on a Whopper. Maybe it's delicious. That's all you, pal. Wow. I'll try it. Prim berlet egg on burger. I don't know. Dude, you slay that. I really hope that was funny because that's one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Wow. We enjoyed it. It was hysterical. Yeah. Oh, by the way, how about, okay, thank you, Chris. I'm going to take this up, okay? I'm going to take this up. I'll see you up there in a minute. Thank you for the food. Oh, can I just say this? Oh, my gosh. I'm walking in right now, and there's a woman walking in with me. Oh, gosh. Oh, my gosh. Hey, let's do it again. Let's do it again with her. No. Yeah, let's do it again with her. Ask her if she's a fan of Justin Bieber. I don't have a wig on. I just have the... Well, do it anyway. Oh, you took your wig off. Ask her if she wants a Whopper. Ask her if she wants a Whopper, and I'm not talking about the hamburger. Silly. Silly. Oh, gosh.
Oh, gosh. Do you think Justin Bieber's cute? Mm-mm. Oh. He's in the elevator. You could lose him. What were you going to say? Do you think Justin Bieber's cute? Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Of course he did. Yeah, he ran away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I let her go. Yeah, you're a brilliant, brilliant man. That was, you did amazing. Okay. I'm going to hang up. Okay, we love you. I love you. I love you. I'll see you in a minute. Happy birthday. Happy birthday? No, no. What does that mean? Why did he get so worried when you said happy birthday? Because he means there was nothing about that that was self-serving for him. That was hysterical. Wow. Poor guy. We just inundated him. You ever see the king? There's pictures that will be on Facebook on Mikey's show, backslash Mikey's show. We got to take a break, Chad? Yep, we're going to take a break. You have to see Mikey in the wake. I don't know how it works.
There you go. All right. Hey, well, we'll be back. So feast. Might want to check all your stuff over there, pal. Just in case. Okay. In case I messed it up. I'm sorry. I love you. Okay. I love you. Thank you. You can hear Darth Vader, James Earl Jones reciting a Justin Bieber song here in just a second. Speaking of the Biebs. Yeah, I just Bieber'd somebody. You Bieber'd him real good. Okay. I'm just so glad that it's over. It feels much better when it's over. I was like, let's do this, let's do this, let's do this. I went downstairs and went into a Burger King and had on a Justin Bieber wig. And? Mascara and... Guy liner. Guy liner. Looked beautiful. Thank you. Like Jared Leto. Thank you. Blonde wig. It looked great. Jet black goatee.
Short Mexican. That makes my mouth water. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, apparently Representative Gabrielle Giffords has not been told everything about the shooting that happened last month. The Arizona chief of staff said on CBS on the early show that she knows some of the bad that happened, but not quote about the severity of the injuries to others. You know, she's just now. talking again, communicating again, and you don't want to just bring that on her. But then, you know, is she not watching the news? Yeah, you still got to know. Right. Also, Borders Bookstores, they announced two of the Borders in San Diego will be closing due to bankruptcy. It's the one downtown San Diego and another in El Cajon. So, I don't know if there is another Borders in San Diego. There is. There's one in Encinitas. One by our house. Oh, okay. Yeah, the only one I knew of was... downtown. But yeah, that's closing. Also, some good news for teachers. Credentialed teachers of kindergarten through 12th grade classes in Southern California schools are now legible for passes for one year of free admission to SeaWorld. SeaWorld just announced this yesterday. So something cool they're doing for the teachers. Nice. Let's see. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Man, there is a big story out of spring training and it is the Albert Pujols saga. Albert Pujols is the slugging first baseman for the St. Louis Cardinals.
And arguably the best player in baseball. And he does not have a contract. He has one year left in his contract. And so he gave them a deadline. Hey, guys, I want a new contract. I want a long-term deal. I have heard through the grapevine they offered him eight years at $300 million. Oh, wow. Or $200. And he said, no. Does it even matter? Yeah, does it matter? Really? It's only $100 million. And basically they said he gave him a deadline. They did not meet the deadline. So their managing partner, William DeWitt, had this to say. Albert is a great Cardinal. He's an iconic player. And we made every effort to extend his contract. And we have agreed with him not to discuss it during the season. Man, Padres. Not a chance. In the world. Not a chance in the world. Never. Never. They would never shell out that kind of dough. They just wouldn't. Yeah, the Padres. Yeah, that's not going to happen. More likely to our friends north of us in Los Angeles. And also the San Diego State Aztecs got another victory last night. Nice. Weird. Yeah. The poll doesn't come out until next week. Yeah, they are number six. They won 68 to 62 against New Mexico last night.
One loss. Hopefully Monday, when the new poll comes out, it'll be higher than number six. I hope. They have to be. They have to be. They have to be. Yeah, they are a juggernaut right now. It's a lot of fun to see. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And our phone screener is Chris. Scraw! Scraw! Mikey, sports was brought to you by Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Get some. Get some. Not the official slogan. This text says... Mikey, I'm crying and my face hurts from laughing so hard. Good bit. M1 Chris. M1 who? I want to remind people that Spencer Walks is a charity that's going on at the Belly Up on Sunday from 3 to 7. Jay is going to be hosting it. And we'd love to have people come out and check it out. It's going to be really cool. And, you know, Jay has known Spencer, who's 13 years old. He's a...
He was in a snowboarding accident and broke his neck and has a spinal cord injury. He's almost completely paralyzed. And they're doing a benefit for him to raise some money. And you can go on to bellyup.com and buy tickets. If you don't want to go, you can buy tickets. It'll still support the cause. Absolutely. And they're going to have all kinds of cool auction stuff. There's going to be bands performing. So come on out and see us. So this is James Earl Jones, who is the voice of Darth Vader. on the Gayle King show on Oprah's network. Now, Gayle King, it's Oprah's friend. She gave her a show. Of course she did. And here he is reciting a song from Justin Bieber. I love people who have never seen Star Wars. I've never heard Justin Bieber. But here I go. Are we an item girl? Quit playing. We're just friends? What are you saying? Said there's another, looked right in my eyes. My first love broke my heart for the first time. And I was like, baby, baby, baby, oh. Like baby, baby, baby, no. Like baby, baby, baby, oh. I thought you'd always be mine. Mine.
It was not in the script from Star Wars, so it's different. Woods, you didn't like Star Wars or did you like Star Wars? I loved Star Wars when I was six. It was fantasy. Yeah, I was six. Hypocrite. When fantasy's okay. So to this day, you would never revisit it? Well, I would re-watch Star Wars again, but I'd probably fall asleep. I tried to watch the first three with Jar Jar Binks and all that, and I thought all of them were terrible. Oh, yeah. Terrible. Well, they are. But the Jedi Empire and the original, or I call it the original. Sorry, don't freak out. I know it's not the original. Star Wars and Empire and I didn't like Jedi. I love Jedi. Stupid. Return of the Jedi? Yeah, stupid. What? We just call it Jedi. Isn't that where the Ewoks were? Yeah, some Ewoks. Oh my gosh, I love them. They were my favorite part. That was like the dumbest part of the movie because it was a bunch of Muppets. Hey, Muppets have feelings, okay? Fine, but...
Yeah, I liked those three when I was seven and eight and nine and ten. Oh, stop. The best one is Empire Strikes Back. It was brilliant. He cuts the tauntaun open, sleeps inside of it. Yeah, I thought they smelled bad on the outside. Yep. I always liked Lando Calrissian. He was my favorite. So did L.O.B. L.O.B. Yeah. You know that. Billy Dee Williams. I'd like to see his lightsaber. It was a little bit longer than everybody else's, I think. You know, when they would fight, it just seemed... That way. I had more of a reach. Packed a little more punch, yeah. Oh, boy. Bigger round. Oh, gosh. Shined a little brighter. Anyway. Anyway, yeah, yeah, anyway. So what'd you guys do yesterday? You looking at me? Yeah. Why are you looking at me? Because you... Speaking of black guys. Is that what you think was... L-O-B?
Well, as you know, if you listen to the show, I like to clean my house and my underwear, which is something I like to do because that way I don't get my clothes all cleansered up and everything, and I just like a little freedom. What's on top? Like a little camisole or a wife beater. Do you wear camouflage? No, like a camisole. Camisole is a loose tank top. A little tiny tank top, yeah. Whoa. But I like to be, I don't want to get like cleanser and stuff all over my clothes and I like to dance. So yesterday I was in the middle of a session, as I like to call it. Yeah, I was getting it good. Pop it, lock it. Yeah, I do that. And then I'll like, sometimes when I'm washing the floor, I step on paper towels and I get my slide on. Yeah. To dry the floor. What a sight to behold. A hundred. Right? It is hilarious. It's good. It's really good. But it's very private, you know. Even when I live with Matt, he never saw it. You know, it's my thing that I do. You wait until the house is empty, then you turn on pop music, you say. Yeah, stuff that I would never listen to otherwise. So yesterday I was in the middle of a session, and I heard a knock on my door, and I just figured it was Matt because he was supposed to be coming over. And I have a habit of, like, when I walk in the house, I lock the door, and he's always like, really?
Locking the door. What, do we live in Compton? Yeah, he always has a knock on the door. And he was supposed to be on his way over. He texted me to see if I needed anything. So I just flung the door open. I had Katy Perry bumping in the background. Not Matt. Shut up. Not Matt. Who was it? Black guy. What? Yep. Oh, I didn't know that part. Oh, yeah. Oh, gosh. Black guy selling magazines. Oh. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You were in your panties? No way. How many did you buy? The only reason I... Well, I opened the door and it wasn't Matt and I expected it to be Matt. So I was like, ah! And then he jumped because I screamed. And so I didn't close the door. I just hid behind it with my head out. And I was like, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. So sorry. Come in though. Come in. Come in. Take your clothes off. Take your clothes off. No, but he was like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And we sat there saying sorry. And I was like... Can I help you? And I didn't even lower the music or anything. So we're screaming over the Katy Perry music. Oh, my God. And he starts giving me the whole spiel. No, he didn't. Yeah, about his magazines. And I'm tucked out from behind the door just talking to him. Oh, my God. And he keeps going. And I'm like, no, actually, I don't have time to read magazines. And he's like, well, you know, there's people in your life that could. And I was like, yeah, no.
For real, it was really a black dude? Oh, yeah. I didn't know that part of the story. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, he was a sharp guy, which is probably why I didn't close the door. I know. I would have been like, now's not a good time. Later. The reason that I'm so, if you're new to listen to the show, LLB likes black dudes. Oh, yeah. I do. The irony. Matt, however, is not. He is not. She'll make exceptions. Unfortunately. Oh, wow. No, I love him. What magazine exactly are you selling? It's a multitude of magazines. Well, can you tell me about all of them? I don't have time to tell you about all of them, girl. I'd like you to tell me about all of them. Well, that's Popular Science. Keep going. Highlights. DQ. That's Ebony. Jeff. Hello. Rolling Stone. Spin. Oprah. That's a good one. Oh, we just call it O. It'd be great if you just told me it goes again. Here, let me take my shirt off and do it. Please take your shirt off and tell me. Oh, that would have been a good idea. I wish Matt had walked up during all of this. What are you doing? Oh, my God. He called you a pervert? He wasn't even like...
Like, he laughed because I screamed in his face, but didn't seem to at all be like, sorry, like, about the underwear thing. You know what I mean? And he didn't even say, like, oh, I'll come back or anything like that. So I'm going, uh-huh, uh-huh. Meanwhile, I'm sweating because I was just cleaning and dancing the whole time. And I'm just talking to him. And I gave him, like, no after no. And he just kept coming back with rebuttal after rebuttal. Dude, they're good. Oh, my gosh. They get me every time. Yeah. L-O-B. texted me on my way in. Let me read it to you. She texted me on the way in and she says, is it okay if I put that a guy came to my door yesterday while I was cleaning in my underwear? And I texted back, yeah. And so that was all she said. And so that's what she wrote in the recap. Unbelievable. I love that you let us wait for the morsel. Oh my gosh, yeah. The chocolate morsel. Dark chocolate. That's right. Oh, my gosh. Girl. Yeah, and he said that he will come back. Of course he will. Yeah. And I didn't mind it. But, yeah, he's like, yeah, I'll come back. I'll buy every...
freaking magazine that you have. I finally had to be like, you know what? I don't have my checkbook with me right now. So let me just give you my number. I'm not comfortable giving my credit card out. And he was like, all right, well, I'll come back. And I was like, really? Wiener time. Jay. Yes, sir? Bro, it's good. Bro, I thought it so. I thought it was a good one. No, no, no, no. I mean, you don't have to play that. You can just clap if you want. I was like the most embarrassed I've. been maybe not the most but one of the first time you were embarrassed was when you asked a black guy out yeah that was bad and he said no yeah but he didn't seem to be really at all uncomfortable imagine if that guy had gotten fired it was the same guy yeah oh shoot maybe a black guy is just not in the cards for you yeah you ever think about that i guess not no It isn't. Black guys. Isn't it awful when you're attracted to a certain type, but they couldn't be less attracted to you? No, that's not the case. I'm sure they're attracted to Lauren. Not all of them, but I have gotten hit on by plenty. For me, it was just girls. Just the female species. But Matt said maybe he thought it was a bathing suit.
That was his thing. It was pouring rain. Maybe he knew. I know. Maybe he knew you were cleaning in your underwear to Katy Perry bumping. He was like, maybe, I don't know, a lot of the bathing suits, like the tankinis and stuff. Yeah, maybe he didn't know that you didn't have a jacuzzi or something. Yeah, exactly. He's like, ah, he probably thought it was a bathing suit. I was like, would you just stand there? There's a woman in her underwear. And he's like, hello, boo. Sienna has breaking news about Paris Hilton. Yeah, today is her 30th birthday. Happy birthday to you. Although why is this new? Paris Hilton don't care too. I really doubt you too. Paris is 30. She's been alive. Oh, it's a minute. Why she's a celebrity. All right, thank you. Brilliant.
I bet she's getting some ridiculous birthday present. Or having some ridiculous birthday party for herself. A new house. Somewhere. And when you're a celebrity, you can throw a birthday party on a Thursday night because nobody coming has anything to do tomorrow. Exactly. In Hollywood, it's not really cool to go out on Friday and Saturday. Is that a true fact? That means you have a real job. All the cool people who are rich enough to not have to work during the week. Sunday. The good nights to go out. Thursday, Sunday. Yeah. Monday nights are huge in LA. It's the worst. Friday and Saturday night is when you go out to dinner, you take the night off. If you're out on a Friday night... You're a tourist. You're a bridge and tunnel if you're in New York. I didn't know that at 40 years of age. I'm just finding that out that that's what they do. It was like that in Chi-Town too when I lived there. That's Chicago, right? I didn't know that... celebrities that don't have jobs think it's cool to party on a Wednesday or Sunday night. Are you sure? Yeah. Okay. Way cooler. Well, they'll party every night, but the places that are cool during the week, on the weekends, they're like, oh, well, anyone can get into there on Friday and Saturday. Listen to this text. Found out my boyfriend got his female boss a Valentine's Day gift. Is that weird? He said he was just trying to, quote, play the game.
And it wasn't meant to be romantic. It's inappropriate. It is not. It isn't? It is not. It's not? No. So inappropriate. Yes, it is. It is huge. To get your boss a Valentine's Day? Female boss. You know what just clicked in my head? What? It's Valentine's Day, not Christmas. Yeah. It's Valentine's Day. I got you guys stuff. It's different. It's inappropriate. My wife was furious. You got it for everyone. Well, wait, now Sienna's got me. Sienna got me something and we're not going to make out. It's different. Are we? And if she got candy for everyone, if she just got something for you, that might be weird. That would be creepy. You know how it'd be okay that he did that? If the girlfriend knew that woman really well. And my wife knows Sienna really well. If my wife had never met Sienna and suddenly I came home and maybe never even heard Sienna's name because it's very possible that this boss has a lot of employees. Right.
And that she's never mentioned John or whatever. So your wife didn't get mad when you gave her that locket with your picture in it? Yeah. I wear it every day. Close to your heart. Matches the ring you gave me. I didn't. Yes, you did? Yeah. I love it, Mike. It was right after you gave her that dress. And that mink stole. It was your mink stole. Don't shame him. I love my gifts. Stop it. It's an awful thing to do. Oh, no, he screwed up. Someone does that and they won't stop. They don't stop. Yeah. And you're on the radio. Woods, Woods, remember that time you thought you had herpes? Yeah. That's funny. Yeah, the sore on your lip. And it turned out it wasn't, but it was like whatever it was was bad. I got that Abriva and took care of it. Yeah. I'm uncomfortable.
Those are the worst. Yeah, when somebody just calls you out for something you didn't even do. Yes. It's the greatest. It's fun as long as it's not you. That's a really pretty locket, though. Stop it. That's a weird picture that Mike put in there of him looking kind of off to the right. With his shirt on. Just kind of very pensive. I think he calls it the thinker. No, the thinker. It's his finger quote. Tough face. Oh, that's tough face. Is this what happens when you put on a Justin Bieber wig? Your crew just loses respect for you. All respect just goes right out the window. All bets are off. What are we supposed to do? You put makeup on and a blonde wig. And you came in with three whoppers. What do you want us to do? You're clearly a buffoon. A buffoon. No. Dude, I was telling them when you weren't in here. Who snorted? Jay.
How proud I was of you because I know that is outside your comfort zone. No, no, no. Here's my comfort zone. Okay. And then here's me where I was way over eight blocks away. So proud of me. I was eight blocks out of my comfort zone. Mike dressed up as Justin Bieber a little bit ago, went into Burger King with his earpiece in and we made him say some inappropriate things. Oh, just terrible stuff. You guys sound so smooth. Like if you ever send me to do it, my voice is going to be shaky. Oh, me too. I can't imagine how you've all been able to pull it off. If I can. do it. You can do it. Kudos to all you guys. Don't do that so that you don't have to do it sometimes. No, I'm not. I'm just saying, if you ever send me, I'm going to be like... So nervous. Yeah, turn into Aaron Neville when I do that. With a bowl. Look at this man. Put the wig on, Lauren. Let's get you out there. What, right now? I know. Why don't we spring it on you? Yeah, when you're not expecting it. Jay was the original person that was supposed to go down there, so we could stick to that. Yeah, but the wig looked way better on Mike. Oh, it did. Way better. We need to get a mullet wig for Jay. It was like natural hair. Oh my gosh, yeah.
Overalls. Overalls and just a mullet. No shirt. Well, pay what I want. Charles Barkley talking about Twitter. Now, do you Twitter? Are you a Twitter? Twitter's for losers, Jay. Twitter's for losers. Oh, wow. You want to speak your mind? Yeah. Probably everybody in that audience is on Twitter. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, Isaiah, listen, and I mean no disrespect if you do it. Don't you? Don't you? But if somebody gets up in the morning and they wonder what I'm doing, they're a loser. I appreciate his candor. You appreciate his color. It isn't just celebrities, though, Charles. I mean, I'm interested in what my friends are doing. I'm interested in the mundane little things. I just am. I like to read the funny quips, not so much as the mundane activities.
I'm fine with it all. I despise Twitter. You do? You've done it once. I want nothing to do with it. You've done it once. Why do you not like it? Because it's boring. Okay. Okay, wait. Now, are there... Wouldn't it be not boring if it was somebody that you really liked? No. I don't care. It's still boring. If you're my friend, I'll pick up the phone and you'll tell me what you're doing. You have the soul of an old woman. I feel full of myself typing what I'm doing. Why should Joe from Escondido care what I'm doing? I don't do the, here's what I'm doing now. I just changed Sage's diaper. I don't care. I would find that interesting. And the reason that I would. Twitter is good for you. It's not good for me. Here's the deal. I told you. I get the visual. Yeah. Okay. And the visual.
Please don't visualize me, Jay. Well, here's the thing. I get the visual, and there's a psychology. Yeah. No, I know. A lot of people get it and love Twitter, and I just am not one of those people. And Facebook, like, I really, it's like, I have to work to remember to do Facebook and to post stuff. It's not something I enjoy. You know? But it's, you know, and I'm a minority in that case, because I know lots of people love it. I work to keep up with it. It used to be fun and then it's just, I move in waves with stuff. I always, weird, I try stuff and then I get over it real fast. Yeah. You're not over Twitter, are you? Yeah. I do it as a maintenance thing because if people are following me, I'm like, I feel like I should say something. Well, I'm fine. I like to do verses of songs I like. That's what I do on Twitter. Is that your Twitter bit? That's my bit. Whatever I'm feeling. Well, that's good. What's your Facebook status bit? What do you do? Oftentimes sports stuff. You'll put sports? I'll put sports stuff up like maybe David Ortiz stops going to the buffet. Stuff like that. And I just like to elicit responses. So you like to get people angry. Well, I like to elicit responses. You like to stir the pot. You like to stir the pot. Yeah, and I like to debate about sports. I get the bit. Somebody will write me first and go, the Yankees suck, which is so intelligent. It's so intelligent. And it's like, Red Sox forever. And I'm like.
So here we go. And I'm like, we've got 27. You've got three. Feast on that. That's usually the best way to put a fire up. What? Just keep stoking it? Yeah, to just keep throwing lighter fluid. I like to debate sports. That sounds like a good debate. It seems like... But, I mean, that's something I like to do. Now, if a guy wrote on your page, you know, religion is the worst, you would debate that guy. I wouldn't. You know what I would do. I would say I love you, bro. I'm sorry you feel that way. Well, and I'm not going to write the guy back that says the Yankees suck. I'm not going to go, I'm sorry, man. I love you. Because it's not that serious. It's a friendly, funny banter. True or false? Easy drag. True or false? Uh-huh. Have you said to us before, off the air. See that jack hole that rode all over my Facebook wall about the Red Sox? True. And my impression.
My impression is that you don't care for it. Oh, I don't like it, but it's fun for me. I'm like that, though. He likes it. I like it. I like that back and forth. And especially with a Red Sox fan, because what do you have? You know what I mean? So I'll go back and forth with you all day. Well, it sounds like that's what you will be doing today. Fair enough. Yeah. Ever since I downloaded the Facebook app on my phone, I haven't been able to turn off the alerts. So I've been real distant on Facebook lately. You do it from your... From your phone. No, I'll put something on there and then if 15 people, yeah, then it's like, oh man, every time someone says something, I get a notification. And I've got this OCD thing where I can't have unchecked things on my phone and the little red light flashing. So I have to have everything open and looked at. Me too. It's the exact same thing. Drives me nuts. In your phone, there should be a way to get into your Facebook options. You don't want to deal with it? I did it. I set it. My phone likes to just not listen to me. And it did an update. Yep. Because mine updated by itself. Yep, updated. Now it's got new things, new bits that it does. Just delete it. There needs to be something that happens with cars. And I think it's coming, but it's not here yet. Because there's a lot of people listening right now that know that when you're driving, it's very difficult.
to not see what's happening on your phone on Facebook. Really? You have an addiction. Don't you really mean how dare you both. I'll look at a text but not Facebook. If you see something come up on Facebook on your phone you're not looking at it. Well my phone flashes red regardless of what's going on so I'll look down to see what it is and if it's the Facebook notification I'm like I don't care. Oh I do. It'll be there when I get home. I don't care. I'm over it. Yeah, I care with you. I'm with you. But OnStar has that, the whole thing. What? The Facebook stuff. OnStar's added Facebook? You can update your Facebook status. You can hear. It'll dictate to you what's happening. Don't do it, Mike. Do it. Don't do it. It's going to turn your obsession. Just pop another hundred notches. Hey, what's up? It's Mikey. Driving through a taco stand. End. There's a rig of air toes over here. End. Hey, it's Woods. I'm sitting in the drive-thru for Mickey D's. Weird. Again. End. Hey, it's Woods. I'm at 7-Eleven. Just picking up some snuff. End. End, weird. Hey, it's L.O.B. You ever just, like, seen black guys walk by? End. End. I'm Sienna. Does anybody know my Twitter password? End. End. It's true.
So, you know, yesterday we played audio of Charlie Sheen on the Dan Patrick radio show. And everybody was going, man, he sounds out of sorts. I think he was back yesterday. Call back again. We'll do that for you next. It's what they call the calm before the storm. Is that right? Yeah, if you look outside right now, it's beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. But they say that there is some thunderstorms rolling in. Or is there? Or is there? What we had first thought was thunderstorms turned out to be something quite different altogether. When they saw that bright sunshine, one would have assumed that it was going to be a gorgeous week in San Diego. I mean, after all, isn't that why people live there? But as the week went on, weather began to change a bit in San Diego, didn't it?
Before long, the thunder clouds were rolling. Well, when they first arrived, people said, no big deal, it's just a little bit of rain. After all, San Diego only gets a few inches a year. Until suddenly those raindrops weren't raindrops after all, were they? No, in fact, they were space aliens from out in space. And people were disappearing by the dozen. Keith, I think it was just the rain, actually. This one, I think, is just the rain. As it turned out, Woods, no, it wasn't. I'm Keith Morrison, and when we come back, you'll see that the rain didn't stop pouring. Keith, it's just rain on this one. I'm telling you. Woods, you'll see. Keith, you've lost your mind. You're not even on the air. We are in a meeting right now. We are looking out a window.
I have a tape recorder playing this music in our meeting, but I'm telling you, this is a true story. It's just raining outside. That's it. You're thinking that we're just sitting at a table, just a normal table. Well, in fact, it's made of wood, isn't it? But it's not actually wood. It's wood. It's actually the bones of an Egyptian soldier. It's really not. It's wood. This is a wooden... We're in a conference room here at the station. Well, it looks like a normal conference room. Until, of course, it opened up and we realized we were in a giant womb on the island of Lost. We've got to get around here. Keith, is that your ringtone? Sorry? Is that music? Is that your ringtone? It's not. It's the tape recorder I've got right next to me pressed on play. We've got to get him some help. Or is it? He's lost his ever-loving mind. We're not even doing the show this year. We are going over payroll information and HR the new form. Turns out I don't actually have a mind. I've actually got a grapefruit inside my head. I believe. If we could just get your signature on the tax form here. Oh, I would sign that tax form if it really was.
A tax form, but it's not. It's just a tax form. It's a kangaroo uterus, which is something new. He's lost his mind. He's lost his mind. If you guys, let me tell you. One of these days, we've got to get Keith Morrison from Dateline NBC on this show. It is that guy. I don't even know how he does it with a straight face. Oh, my God. I don't know how he does it with a straight face. Have you ever interviewed him before? Never. Oh, he's great. Oh. Santa, have you ever seen Dateline NBC? No. Oh, I love it. It's spooky. It's always scary. Murder. Yeah, and it's got a name. It's like murder in the Bronx. Yeah, murder in the Bronx. Hidden treasure in the desert. Yeah. When we return. It's a hidden treasure in the desert. Like kings of the vanishing girl. Yeah. There was a hole in the desert, and they always do. Or was there? Keith Morrison on Dateline Embassy, his thing is always like he's telling you a nursery rhyme. It's a true story of crime that happened, but he's telling you a nursery rhyme. I've got to show you at the break, Bill Hader on Saturday Night Live does a dynamite Keith Morrison, and the spoof they do on him is...
dead on. Love it. It's so funny. I love it. Let's see. So yesterday we played the... Oh, by the way, forgot to mention it. Tonight's 8 o'clock album. The Black Keys! Jared! He loves the Black Keys. Oh, yeah. Who doesn't? Attack and Release. I like the Black Keys. Everybody loves them now. They're great. So you don't love them anymore? No, once they sell over, you know, once they sell into the double digits, I'm like... They won a Grammy, so Ellaby is out. So out. Let's see. So yesterday, like we said, Charlie Sheen goes on Dan Patrick's show, and then, because it caused all the hubbub it did, he decided, why don't I call back? Oh, boy. Was there anything that you said on Monday, that in retrospect, after you watched the replay of the show, that you would want to clarify? Well, that would require having a memory of it. Oh, wow. Sorry, that was kind of rude. Because people thought you were flipped with the crack comment, with the crack pipe, and if you can manage drug use socially, it's okay. Dude, it's so impossible. I don't have any answers, man. I can't tell people what to do. I don't comment people from a place of judgment or opinion. Oh, man. If I've got some facts.
That's what I stand on. If you take away people's judgment and their opinion of you, there's suddenly something that sounds a lot like crickets because rarely do they show up with facts. You know what the problem? I think part of the problem is with Charlie Sheen is that very difficult. And this was a problem with Britney Spears, too. It's difficult to tell them no, you know, because they get people around when you're successful, you get people around you. And yes, man. Yeah. It's difficult for somebody to. To say to you, hey, dude, this is not okay. They go back on the 28th. I go back on the 1st. And I'm just on standby. I'm training. I'm eating well. I'm not training for the show. I'm training for ball field. But are they having you sit out? Huge shout out to Greg. The Greg kicking my ass. Are they having you sit out, Charlie? Follow me here, Charlie. So you can get healthier.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Is that what it is? And this is what I did not say, which is really important, man. I'm sorry for stuff sounding flip. I just, hold on, sip of coffee, dry mouth, hold on. Bad coffee, drier mouth. Oh, my God, what does he mean, drier mouth? He's smoking crack again, idiot. Bring me back, history tab. Don't sound normal, right? Wow. I do, too. He's just like that coffee thing. It's like he's just been picked apart so many times that he's already like, oh, just said that. Now they can pick on me up. I mean, imagine living like that. What are they going to get me next for? But he's obviously nuts. Yeah. Don't call in. He has a nerd sense of humor, though. Yeah. Some people have that sense of humor that's so annoying. Yeah, but I don't think he'd be doing that. I guess. I don't think he'd be making these jokes. History tab. I get what he meant by that. Yeah. Refresh me. Bring me back to where I was. I forgot. That's an Internet reference. Hey, Nate, I dare you to get Lindsay on the show. You get Lindsay on the show, I'll call in because I got some advice for her. Just know, check this down. I got some things I'd recommend she consider because I don't tell anybody what to do. Oh, so what's your one piece of advice if I have Lindsay Lohan on? Work on your impulse control.
Try to think things through a little bit before you do them. Now, check it. I was not there in the store. The necklace, the thing, some bracelet. Who cares? I mean, it's – they just – they're so desperate to vilify. Who's around Charlie Sheen daily? Is there anybody around him? Like, does he have buddies? His counselors, I thought, were supposed to be there with him. You know, he's doing that home rehab. He's supposed to have people around him. And, hey, pot. I'm a kettle and I'm calling you black. Yeah. Think it through. Yeah. I'm going to pull the curtain back. I got an email from Jay. You all got it. I was wondering why it took you two hours and 45 minutes to bring it up. I have an answer. I thought you would bring it up. I was waiting for you to bring it up. I was.
A hundred percent positive you would make a joke. I didn't even say anything to him. I didn't reply. You noticed. I sat on it like Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet. Maybe you tell us what email you guys are talking about. You don't know? We all got it. I get a million emails from Jeff. His tomorrow email. Four letters. Okay. I don't remember. Four letters. Cool. That's right. That's just Jay, though. No. No, it's not. He's a nerd. It's not normal. Jay sent us an email. Oh, my God. Yeah, every day. And at the end of one of his pieces of instructions, he said, and Adam will bring, it was something about the wig. Adam was bringing the Justin Bieber wig. Right. And said, and Adam will be here at 7. Cool. K. E-W-L? Question mark. QL. QL. Adam will be here at 7. QL. QL? You guys ever just pick everything apart? My skin's falling. Not even my 9-year-old stepdaughter would say that. There's a girl at Poway High right now going, I almost heard back sounds with a Z on the end. Great. G-R. Perfect. The number 8.
But I was too lazy. Why didn't you do that? Why didn't you do that? Why didn't you do that? Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Don't hold your arms up in the air. Really? Really? This is where we're going to. What? Jay. You guys. You are a 47-year-old man. And? And you wrote. It's a play. And you have never. It's a play. Ever. Written. K-E-W-L. You've never. What play on words is it? It just hit me. It was just funny. Didn't you used to type it that way? You've never typed it that way. Never. Never. Wait a minute. I take that back. First Judy Blume book I read. First time I got my period. First time I got my period. I can say I never wrote it that way. No. You guys. I don't understand it. I mean, it's one thing to make it a shorter word with less letters. Like, I kind of get that. But why not just spell cool? It has four letters as well. It was clever is what I was going for. It's harder to type. Cule. Cule. Cule. I wish that there were a camera on each one of us as we read it. Man. Why can't we have a reality show? One of my eyebrows went up. It didn't hit me right away. I was like, cool. Oh, it hit me. What is that?
I just stared at it and went, oh wow, this is K-E-W-L. I've seen it before and I was just like, Jay. You've all seen it before. You've all done it before. No. Only nerds do it. Only guys that wear heely shoes. I wouldn't say nerds. Isn't that a kind of a teen? Yes. It's not a teen. Can I read you the urban dictionary definition of cool? K-E-W-L. There we go. A stupid way of spelling cool. Yep. Made up by morons. I never made up, so I guess I'm okay. Cool. Cool. Cool. I know someone else who is trying to throw in a teenage saying. What? And his name is Mikey. Oh, yeah. Oh. What did I say? You know what I'm talking about. You know exactly. You said this phrase. We told you not to do it. Lamb sauce. Oh! I think that's fine. We told you not to do it. It's not fine. You're standing by it, and it's lame. That's lame sauce. I'm with you. That's lame sauce. It's not lame sauce. You guys are lame sauce. That's great. Lame sauce. Awesome sauce. I will kill you. I will never say awesome sauce. Why? The only sauce that's acceptable is lame sauce. Is it mild? Is it spicy? It's not lame. What's the sauce for? To pour lame all over it. Yeah.
If something's lame, you've got to take lame sauce out, open the jar, and dump it all over. Fine. Okay. Give me the crickets. I'll take it. TTYL. Yeah, TTYL. Talk to you later. Wait a minute. Is lame sauce in the same category? It's even worse. It's worse. The worst. Teens wouldn't say lame sauce. And lame sauce. Equally. Equally the worst things I've ever heard. The worst things ever. Throw awesome sauce in there with those. Yeah. Because I've heard people say that. I want to deck them. I have too. But that is not acceptable. Do you say amazeballs? What? I do now. I've heard that. Oh. Amazeballs? Amazeballs. No, I don't say that. I've never heard it. I don't know what that means. Amazeballs is another way of saying amazing. You know why I say lame sauce? Because Michael Scott is a dork and he would say lame sauce and I think it's funny. It's not funny. No one would laugh. Except you. That's because I just said that to try to cover up. Who did you get it from? I don't know. I've heard it in pop culture. Yeah, me too. Where?
Andrew Zimmerman, Man vs. Food, or what? Well, I don't know. You guys have heard it before, right? I've never heard it before. I've heard it. Well, then where did you hear it? Twice. Like Teen Bop Magazine or something. You bought it. You bought an issue of Teen Bop? I was reading Tiger Beat. 1994. Where did I hear it? I don't know. Same place you heard it. Lame sauce. It's funny. It's not funny. Maybe like Yo Gabba Gabba or something. Was that in the Miley Cyrus song? No. Probably. It wasn't. Was it in the notes of her CD, like inside the album? That's just lame sauce. That's the worst. Do girls say it? Nobody says it. No one does. If anyone says it, call in and we'll make fun of you too. Yeah, clearly. I'm imploring you as my friend. Who do you know that says it? You. You. 5701949. What about Kewl? Kewl. Kewl is awful. If you're a 47-year-old man, it is. If you are a 16-year-old girl, I think it's fine. Treat yourself. Oh, it's not. I don't have a problem with a 16-year-old girl saying K-E-W-L on something. It's harder to type than C-O-O-L. Yeah. It's harder to type. The point of acronyms is to shorten things. Right. It's not an acronym. I know. It's a nerd name. It's just something that you need. It's an acro-nerd. It's just an acronym. Wow.
570-1949. It's cool. Totally cool. It's cool. I just want to know if people think it's lame sauce that I say lame sauce. Stop. It's not. It makes my skin crawl when you say lame sauce. I know. It's so uncomfortable by it. M1 Dodgeball from San Diego. What's up, guys? Haven't talked to you guys in a while. I just want to say I love you guys. Don't listen to me. Thank you, bro. I love you. Go ahead. I say lame sauce, and I work with kids, and I say lame sauce, and I say hot garbage. Yeah. Don't do it anymore. Hot garbage? Hot garbage. So, like, when we're playing games, and we're playing games, and we're just joking around, and if they make some mistake when, like, we're playing dodgeball or something, I'll be like, oh, dude, that was hot garbage. Hot garbage. Hot garbage. That's pretty funny. Hot garbage is cool. Lame sauce, not. This is lame. Yeah. Listen, M1 dodgeball, you strike me as cool. If you say lame sauce, it's cool. No. He also... He teaches kids. Thank you. Thank you for the call. Thank you. He has a reason. He's talking to little kids. You're talking to adults. M1 Tyler from Vista. Hey, what's up, guys? What's going on? Well, I drive to work with my wife every morning. We're listening to you guys. And this morning, she's sitting by me. And you guys said, cool. And she called me to shut up right now.
Cool and lame sauce. And she's like, hey, I used to say both those things. But girl. Used to or still does? She's 16. Well, she doesn't say lame sauce anymore. And I guess she's saying she never said cool. May I speak to your wife? Do you want to talk to my wife? Please. She doesn't want to talk to me. Say Mikey wants to talk to you. Mikey wants to talk to you. All right. All right. Here she is. She'll talk to you. It's in order. Hi. Hi. Hello. Hi. Hi. What's your name? I'm Shelly. All right, so Shelly, I don't think there's anything wrong with lame sauce. We do. Okay, hang on. Now, when did you stop saying lame sauce? It was probably a year ago. A year ago? How'd you quit? Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. She got hypnotized. How'd you do it? Okay, so why did you stop saying it? I don't know. Because it was lame sauce. Somebody punched you in the face.
I like it. No, you don't. I like it, and I think you're awesome, Sauce. Oh, my. You're really pushing it now. You're a dead man. I'm, like, becoming upset by this. Yeah, I'm, like, mad. My blood is boiling. Thank you for calling. This show is amazeballs. Yes. Amazeballs. Well, that's true. I don't like amazeballs. I want Sean Z from San Marcos. Are you there? What do you say? No. Oh, no. My skin's crawling. No, you can't. I think it's great. Yeah, I think she sounds like awesome sauce. She sounds like awesome sauce. Yeah. It's kind of cute. What's wrong with it? She has some awesome sauce for Father's Day. Yeah. You're great. Oh, wow. LLB. Looks like she's about to come out of her skin. Sienna is shaking her head slowly, and she's got her elbows on her knees, and she just can't believe it, and Woods is looking at the ceiling. Oh, wow. Okay. But, you know, we bought it to eat, so, you know. I don't think it's geeky. It was an actual product? It's an actual bottle of awesome sauce. There you go. Sea Woods? What is it, ragu that you ripped off the label and put awesome on it? With a Sharpie. They actually sell awesome sauce. That's a usable gift. I love it. Thank you. How dare you? I don't like it. I don't like it at all. M1 Crusader from Sea.
And one crusader. Socks. Yes. I'm on your team. Thank you. The gay team. Shut it. Dorks in high school. What? Team dork. What? Hey, listen. It's not, it's not, it's not the saying, it's the sayer. Mikey, stop taking all the calls from Team Dork. Seriously, take some of the cool guys. Doyle rules. How dare you? I love you, Crusader, and I'm with you. See you guys at Comic Con, pal. I'll meet you guys at thebomb.com. That's another one. I hate it. That says it. I hate it. Bum.com. I don't think Awesome Sauce and Lame Sauce are in the same category as the Bum.com. No, they're one. They're the same sauce. No, they're all good. They're not the same sauce. It's the exact same. You can't say all good either, Jen. They're all good. It's all good. It's all good. Yay. Man. It's getting the point where.
You can't even say something great. You're turning into a nerd dad. Why? Oh, yeah, you are. Just say, that's awesome. I'm getting into a cool dad. You can get some jean shorts next, braided belt, real good. Really? Is it the same category? Yes. If it is, you tell me. Well, you're already there with your Tommy Bahama shirts. All you need now is that. I don't care, Tommy Bahama! And the jean shorts. Are you going to wear your hat on top of your head instead of all the way pulled down? Are you going to get some leather sandals? You got a little sauce on your TB that you're wearing right now. I don't wear Tommy Bahama, don't you? No, I don't. You spilled some lame sauce on me like that. Tommy Bahama shirt. Do you or don't you own? Several. Do you or don't you? I own one. You go to that sale every weekend. And stack up. I'm going to start something about you, Woods. Why me? Everybody's saying something. Why just me? Because you're an easy target. Sweatpants. These are workout pants. Over, under, over, under on Lame Sauce. And I want you to be for real. Don't mess with me.
1993. Over or under? Over. Over. It happened after. Oh, yeah. It's been in the 2000s. Oh, it's been in the 2008, 9s, and 10s. It doesn't make it right. Yeah. No. It makes it right. You made me feel like it was passed by the bell era. Dude, it's not passe. It's not passe. It's not like, what? It's just dumb. It's just never been cool. Right. Even when it was cool. Pills. You mean you really are taking drugs? I need them. I need them back. I have to say. Jesse, you can't sing tonight. What? Oh, sorry. Jesse, you can't take Viver in, okay? She went to rehab for caffeine pills, I think, in that episode. Thank goodness. Unbelievable. I need to study. I take the most lame sauce. M1, Doug. How are you? Good, yourself? Good. So I had a friend of about 98 that used to say weak sauce. I like weak sauce. Oh, Mikey! Don't put things in my head. Honestly, weak sauce, in my mind, is a little bit better because there is such thing as a sauce that is weak. Yeah. But lame and awesome. They're all stupid. They're all stupid. Be the 911 operator. Don't be sauce. Oh, my God. Hello? 911, what is your emergency? I just...
I accidentally drank an entire bottle of lame sauce. Say that again, sir. I drank the whole bottle. I'm sorry. Of what? I don't know what I was doing. I had a bottle of lame sauce. I thought it was something else, and I drank from the bottle. Did you say lame sauce? Yeah. How old are you? I'm 40. Don't you think you're a little old to be saying lame sauce? I drank the whole thing. I drink a whole bottle of Lane sauce. Is this A.C. Slater? Who is this? It's Mikey from the Mikey Show. Mikey, I like your show, but... I don't drink anymore. You need to update. I drink the whole bottle. Stop pranking them on me. Stop pranking. I'm hanging up. I sound like Uncle Victor. M1 Knee thinks I'm a dork. Yeah! Yeah! Okay, there's one. Hi, Nee from San Diego. Hi, Nee. Hey, how's it going? Good. I'm on LB and Siena's side. Look, I'm just like they are. I'm a total hipster. I think everything I do is totally cool. And I'm completely oblivious to the fact that basically...
Nerd is the new cool. I don't understand why they haven't figured that out. Yeah, but there's cool nerd and there's dork nerd. Mikey's a dork nerd. You took way too much pleasure. Write that down. You took way too much pleasure. Write that down. She savored every word of that as if she were eating the most delicious meal. Of her entire life. A bowl of oats, you know, for her. You're the stupidest. Playing it again. Good, I want to hear it. It's a jam. Maybe I play it all 14 times tomorrow. I might listen to this every morning, minimum seven times? Yep. Minimum. What's going on in news, Sienna? Well, you know how sometimes you can sense that something is present? and near you, although you can't see it. That's them. I'm like that with boobs. I just know they're there. Well, astronomers are getting the feeling about...
A giant hidden object in space right now. And I mean giant. There is evidence right now mounting that either a brown dwarf star or a gas... It's me. It's me. It's giant. It's brown. And it's a dwarf. And you're a star. There you go. Or it's a gas giant planet. And they think it's... What? They think it's... Lurking at the outside. Jay! There's a black hole. They think it's lurking outside the solar system, far beyond Pluto, but they think that this thing is just gigantic. They're estimating four times the size of Jupiter and 15,000 times higher from the sun than Earth, and they're calling this mysterious thing.
Tucci. Tucci. Tucci. So we'll find out more about Tucci. That is Nita's sister's name. Tucci? Tucci. Hey, Tucci. I think it's Greek. I think it's Hungarian. Well, that planet is Greek. Or whatever the dwarf star is. That planet was born in Greece. That move. Irish. Technically that move. So when you have, there's a new study that was just done. And I just want to ask, when you have a baby, do you have one place where you feel the baby is safe? That you can just kind of relax the babies in one place? The crib? Yeah. Well, according to this new study, 26% of children are hurt by cribs every single day. 26%? No, not 26%. 26 children are hurt by cribs every single day. Because kids are top heavy. And I guess you really have to be careful. Sienna. That one kind of. You can lower the mattress to a crib and a lot of people don't do that. So when their babies get to the age where they can stand, they stand up and they hold on to the side of the crib. And if you don't know, kids are top heavy. So if they can lean over that edge of the crib just a tiny bit, then they just bam, right over. Jake did it. Jake fell out like that. More than 11 million cribs, play pens, bassinets have been recalled over the last couple of years. I mean, you just have to be so careful.
Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, if I didn't mention it before, I'll mention it again. This sports segment is brought to you by Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Get some. Well, I got a funny story and a sad story. Which one you went first? Sad. Just sad, okay. Miguel Cabrera plays first base for the Detroit Tigers. Detroit. One of the best baseball players out there, period, has been battling some demons with alcohol. Got sober last year after an incident with his wife where there may have been some pushing and shoving. The cops came. Well, he's in spring training right now, and he got in trouble again. He was pulled over last night. There was smoke coming from the engine of his car. The cops walked up, smelled alcohol. His speech was slurred. He also took a bottle of scotch. off of the seat next to him and took a drink in front of the cop. Also told the cop, F you, do you know who I am? Do you know about my problems? You don't know anything about my problems. They took him to jail. They booked him. Spent the night. Tough, tough story for the Detroit Tigers. And Miguel Cabrera, wish him well. And then this is pretty interesting. Padres pitcher Matt Latos, who was an absolute stud last year, signed three baseballs for charity. Signed his name, Matt Latos.
And below them, he wrote, I hate San Francisco. On all three, he did it as a goof, as a joke. The balls sold for $1,100, and half of that went to the Major League Baseball's Player Alumni Association. But he did it as a bit, said it was funny, but that he does, in fact, hate San Francisco. There you go. Story to tell you, I walked out of the studio right now to go get some coffee. And Jay and Adam here. our promotion director, we're in the middle of a very serious conversation. Very serious. And to the point where when I first walked out, I thought to myself, maybe I shouldn't be here. Is everything okay? Is everything okay? Is your wives okay? And I thought, oh. Because I thought, maybe this is heated, you know? It is heated. It was a little heated. It was a little heated. Is this about our next meet and greet? It was not. No. Is it our budget? It's our budget? No, it wasn't that. More important than that. Not about wigs either.
So I went over to the coffee maker and I'm like, maybe I pour my coffee kind of slow. Find out what's going on here. And so I'm pouring my coffee and I hear Adam heatedly say to Jay, you're like three points ahead of me, dude. A lot more than that. And Jay spins around in his chair to face Adam. And he's like, It's because of your lifetime achievement. And I go, are you guys talking about video games? Gaming. And I think Adam even said, yes, we're talking about gaming. Gaming. Greetings. I said gaming was awesome sauce. I prestiged before Adam did. It's because he's up late. Premature prestige is what they call it.
You prestiged before Adam. Which means I went all the way around in Call of Duty, the new Call of Duty. I went all the way around, paid my way through the top ranks. Paid? Well, yeah. When you prestige, you have to do that. There's an online currency. Yeah. Oh, my God. How much? I can't remember what it was. $150,000. What was it like? I took a loan out. I took it from Lincoln Financials. Yeah. I embezzled it so I could just get. Through this thing? Laundered it. I got you. Laundered it. Got a prestige. Well, you got to make money to be able to buy your weapons. Of course you do. Fake money. But it's real money because I'm earning it. You've earned it, though. Yeah. If you wanted to cash it out and buy a hamburger, could you? It's kind of like your baseball team. I'm paid to play. Well, I actually play. It's an actual activity and something that's challenging. This is, too. So is that. It's not a sport. It's still a game, though. It's a game. Uh-huh. Are you comparing Call of Duty to baseball? Are you comparing Call of Duty to baseball? Are you comparing Call of Duty to baseball? Are you comparing what you do to professional baseball? Semi-professional. I would actually say it's harder because in the majors, they're at least around the plate. Our guys are a little wilder. What's the capacity crowd?
How many people can it seat at the place that you play? Easily a couple hundred. Depending on the venue. It could seat a couple hundred. Oh, yeah. How many people were at the last game? Seven. Okay. All right. Fair enough. Fair enough. Is there any sort of retirement plan? Yeah, I have a 401k through here. Through Lincoln Financial. Right. Okay, but what about for the baseball that you play? Is there any kind of a retirement plan in place there? Like I said, I have a retirement plan here, so I'm all good. Okay, all right. I'm set. Okay. Do you guys take a big bus when you guys go from game to game? Well, we only play one game a week. Okay. So do you travel to that game in a luxury liner bus? Well, it's a giant suburban is what I travel to the games in. Oh, so you travel separately as teammates. Do they supply you that suburban? No, I inherited that suburban. Okay, from another player. So in other words, the team provides a suburban transportation and maybe another player retired and then you...
Oh, no, no. It's from my late mother-in-law. I inherited it. Do you have an agent? Yeah, I represent myself. You represent yourself? I don't have West Coast representation yet, but I represent myself. I'm a smart guy. Did you play in Farm League before you came to this one? I did a tryout at an elementary school last year about this time. Okay, so it's virtually the same. It was my spring training, but it was only one day. Okay. And I was a high draft pick. Sanctioned by the league? Yes. Sanctioned by the league. Sanctioned by the league. That's the San Diego Adult Baseball League. It's the... Oh, not anymore. Not anymore. It's the San Diego Adult Association of Baseball. Okay. Baseball. Extreme sports. Yes. Why is this on me now? Mine's actually a real sport. I'm not sitting with a headset and a wireless controller in my hand. You're sitting there in sweats. Right now I am. Right now. I'm working out. Last night when I was playing, I think there was 100,000 people online. playing, so I had a pretty big audience. Isn't that the truth? A hundred? Wow. Minimum. So all of them get to see what you guys are doing? No, you play against like 12 to 24 people at any time. Year olds. Jay and I usually only talk to each other. Wow. So you guys were having a conversation about what?
I have to catch up to Jay because he likes to play as soon as he gets home. No, I don't. That's not true. And I work a full day. You barely. Really? We work a full day, too. Eight to 12 hours. Yeah, true. He gets home and starts to play. I have to come home early. I have to leave early, make up lame excuses to leave here because he's texting me at 4.30. Can you just get home? Can you just get home? We need to start playing. People can hear you, Adam. I got to. If we're going to play, we're going to play, so hurry up. Do you guys talk to each other on the headsets while you're on? Yeah, exclusively, because we don't like 13-year-olds. Do you curse? Jay does. Jay, he's got weird Texas curses. I don't understand. I don't like him, bitch. Armadillo nuts. Armadillo nuts, Adam. You heard me the first time. Oh, wow. Next time you talk to me, realize you're talking to somebody that's prestiged. Yeah. You treat me with honor. Yeah, if you're going to talk to me with that mouth, realize you're talking to me as somebody that's prestiged. As a prestige. Oh, wow. Or it's another rank of 14, so. You're going to curse at me, just realize you're cursing at a prestige. Just unlocked a new weapon, so. Oh, boy. Look out. You ever sit at home and cry to this song? Oh, my gosh. Yes. Holy God.
LLB's like, but I have a period. Hey, my name's Mikey, and you're listening to The Mikey Show. Hello, Mike. What I would ask of you is let people know that The Mikey Show is now on FM 94.9 because a lot of people think that The Mikey Show has never left Rock 105. It takes them a long time. Well, tell them that we're funny, too. You know, while you're telling them stuff. Say, yeah, I like it. Like the show. They're good. They're funny. You couldn't live without it in the mornings. It gets your day going. Things like that. You have to have it. People tell me that. Because contrary to popular belief, if you call there, they don't tell you where I am. They don't? What? Like if they called and said, hey, what's up? Is Mikey here? They would go, no, he's not.
Click. And then surely they would say, Mikey can be found morning 6 to 10 a.m. on FM 94.9. Nope. They don't say that. Really? That's weird. That's not very sweet. I think they say, we don't know. Really? I don't know. Let's find out. No. Can't. Oh, my God. It's not in my character. I'll do it. It's in my character. I know. But you're changed. I'm changing. You're changing. That would be funny. I'll just. I'll try. It would be lame sauce. I'll just try. You know, I'll just say that. I'll just try. Don't say lame sauce, Mike. This text says, lame sauce is what 47-year-old nerds yell out when their characters get killed in World of Warcraft. Saturday night alone. It's true. But I'm not alone. Oh, boy. This person said, you know what else is really lame? Adding skis. At the end of everything, like chill skis and lean skis and brew skis. Oh, my God. My skin. Wait a minute. I'm in with brew skis. Brew skis is great. Brew skis. Isn't it? If you're the type of person that walks into a bar and goes, let's get a brew skis. Brew is short for a brew skis. The occasional brew skis dropper is okay. No, it isn't. Yeah, it is. Occasional. Occasional is okay. And if you live in Wisconsin.
What about, hey, bro, you want a brewski? That's good. That's good. That's good. Yes, it is. Hey, bro, you want a brewski? When I come to you, I was like, hey, dude, let me get you a non-alcoholic brewski. Yeah. That'll work. That's what it's called. And it has an E on the end. You say, that's lame sauce. I'd be like, that guy's lame sauce. That was not Cuel. This person says, it's M1 Lush. M1 Lush. Why'd you just freak out when you said that? She's pretty. She is pretty. Why don't you guys just calm down? What? All we said is something he's pretty. My boyfriend, Matt Commerce, almost tapped and went lush on the butt at the meet and greet thinking it was me. They were both wearing black and white stripes. Just refereed it up real good? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I told her that she should say time out to the guys. I thought she was a model. It works. I thought she was a model. Yeah.
Cute girl. Play ball. She says, okay, now I'm going to have to stop saying awesome sauce. Yes, you sure are. She is not. She can say anything. She said, I didn't realize everybody and their mom said it too. What about everybody and their mom? Is that okay to say? No. No, see? Everybody and their mother. I like everybody and their mother. I say mother, yeah. She said, I guess I'll just switch to radical juice instead. Oh, gross. No, please don't. Radical juice. Let me tell you. I think she can get away with lame sauce. Nobody can. Not even Waverly, Sienna's beautiful sister. She can get away with it. I would not let her get away with it. You would. I would shame her and she would do what I say. You're really good at shaming people. Yeah, I am. She is so good. I'm a professional. She's a professional shamer. She's a professional. And doesn't have any qualms. But I'm nice about it. No. Here's what it is. It's like taking a nail and driving it into that piece of wood as hard as you can. And there's about a good... Four to five drives left on that hammer to drive it home. But when she adds her laugh, drives it all the way through. All the way through. When I first met Sienna, she gave me a business card. And underneath it, it said professional shamer. Professional shamer. Wow, I didn't know. Professional shamer. She ashamed me out of so much stuff, it's not even funny. I want to help. And I think that when I do shame, it's for the good.
It comes from a place of love. Yeah. I mean, I love you. Okay. I love you all. This text message says, also annoying, people who spell with alternating capitalization. Oh, yeah. What do you mean? Woods. Lowercase, capitalized. Lowercase, capitalized. What monster does that? You know exactly. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Monkey. Like, just weird. It looks better when it's typed instead of handwritten. Oh, gosh. Who does that? People on Facebook do it. Kids. Kids do it to get attention. Mikey's typing out the novel, apparently. Oh, that's very nice. That would drive me batty. You have never seen that? I used to do that when I was a kid. I've never seen it. You did? Yeah, I was a kid. It looks cool sometimes. It doesn't look cool sometimes. I'm in a place for it. Yeah, I'd write it on the back of my book, like my covered books. It never looks cool. I've never seen it. Thank God. Capital lowercase. Capital lowercase to spell the word book. If you were to do it like... No, Sienna. Like if there was a picture of a little kid posted and you were to put a caption underneath and it would be like, wee, or something like that, it'd be okay. Mm-mm.
Using symbols to represent letters. Like the cash sign for an S. Skittles does that. Skittles does it. He does. But he's cool. Fair enough. What about writing great as G-R in the number A? I'll see you later. Avril Lavigne. Avril Lavigne does that. Skater boy. B-O-I. Skater boy. Yeah, B-O-I. Boy. I might have Avril Lavigne on my phone. I might have the song When You're Gone. I might do Hala. I might cry when I hear it. She scares me. I might cry when I hear that. I write Hala and then the at sign and then C-H-A and then B-O-I. Hala at Chaboy. Maybe you play When You're Gone and I cry.
Together. Together. What's the song? It's a damn cold night. I like that song. I'm with you. Is it damp or damn? Don't, Ella B, don't pretend you don't know exactly what it's called. Oh, I like Avril Lavigne. I'll say that right now. I do too. I love this. I like that. What's that, a cello they got in there? Yeah, it's me with a giant cello between my legs playing. Nobody photoshopped that. How dare you. How would you get a cello between your legs? You're standing on the bridge. Little feet sticking out on both sides. All right. Avril Lavigne and Christina Aguilera have some public beef right now. Really? Yeah. I'm on team Avril. Me too. I don't like either of them. That's what would say. Christina Aguilera's party. That wasn't me. She's in studio. She ate the beef. They were backstage. When they met and Avril like said hi and Christina didn't say hi back. Weird. And Avril is telling everyone. Good. Stupidest thing I've ever heard. Aguilera. Woods.
What are you two doing? Yesterday when the door was open and Woods floated in. I was making my white castles. And I go, I go, Woods. I go, was that like two big, wet, fat lasagna pastas with Eric's blood? Yeah. Oh! He tried to blame it on Sienna's baby Sage. Sage did not fart. Not like that. Not like that. He goes, what was that? Oh, my stomach. Hurt and seen. Avril Lavigne's just a sparty. No. She smells like B.O. No. Yes. She smells like teen spirit. Literally. She smells like B.O. She was a wife beater. She's like in the same category as pink. You know what I would say? Yeah. Honestly, I would say I bet it's almost weirder that Avril Lavigne has no smell at all. I agree. Which is almost weirder. I agree. Like when you're next to her, you go.
And there's nothing. She's Canadian. There's no smell at all. She's got that porcelain skin that doesn't have anything to it at all. She's real angry, though. She's always stealing your cigarettes, too, real good. She's like, yeah, what are you going to do about it? Nothing, nothing. Get off my bed. I love you. I love you. Get out. Get out. Get out. I'm sorry. The walls in your bedroom are probably painted black. Absolutely. If not a really dark purple. Yeah. Velvet, purple. Drapes. Do you have my ducks? Do you have what? My duck Martins. I don't. I don't even know what you're talking about anymore. You know what I'm talking about. Get out. Get out. You know what I'm talking about. Get off my bed. Seriously, get out of my room. She's foxy. No, she's. Oh, my God. She is. She's pretty. She's foxy. Do you guys ever think girls are ugly? Yeah. I will tell you. I like her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not think any girl's ugly. I like her in like a real disgusting way. Yeah. Angry. Dirty hug. Body odor. No odor. No odor. Showers once a week. Okay. What's the crash tax? Let me tell you next. It's a new band. Tonight, the 8 o'clock album, the crash tax. We're going to play the whole first side. That's right. They only released it on vinyl. I just witnessed something really... Stop. No, it was pretty incredible. Uh-huh. Stop.
Pretty incredible to watch. It'll get you. Woods said, oh, this video is so sad, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, it's going to be lame. And instantly in my head, I knew what Woods thinks is going to be sad. I know it's not going to affect me. Right. You thought it would be dogs and stuff. No, I just thought it would. And when I first went over, I have to admit, it was pretty overwrought and kind of dumb. Yeah. And he goes, just wait. No, I'm not going to tell you about it. You're not. Well, I'm not going to tell you about what it is. I'll tell you that it's Avril Lavigne. And the song is called Without You. When You're Gone. When You're Gone. Close enough. The song is called When You're Gone. And L.O.B. and me are the two most cynical human beings in the world. And we're looking at it. And we were both making comments. We're like, you ever just overwrite? You ever just dramatic? You ever just try to get people in your videos that look like yourself? And we're making all these comments. And then it kind of gets quiet. And we kind of get quiet. And we're more quiet. And I look over at L.O.B. And she's crying. I was crying. And she goes, oh, my God, you're making me cry. I had tears in my eyes. My wife cannot watch that video or hear that song because of that. I won't tell you. I'm not going to tell you. I'm not going to tell you what it is or what it goes on.
But it's emotional terror. You know you're turning into a girl when Avril Lavigne makes you cry. It's an emotional jihad. I said, listen, I go, it's not impressive to me that it gets you to cry because it's like kicking someone in the rocks. And being like, hey, does that hurt? Does it hurt? It'll get you. You're like, well, yeah, but you kicked me in the rocks. Like, what do you expect? You come up behind somebody in a dark alley and you go, boom, they're going to jump. Like there's like you can't escape this video. It's not like you're going to. I mean, if you do, you're Dexter. OK, yeah. If you watch this and you have no reaction to it, you're Dexter. I must be Dexter then. Yeah, you didn't watch it. I watched parts of it. You didn't see it. The old man with the pop. I don't say it. Shut up. A rude comment. Yeah. When there's, you know, kids or elderly. Or dogs. I will fall apart. The elderly gets me the most. I sent it to my wife and the subject of the email was, I dare, and dare was all in caps, you not to cry. Right. She will weep. And then I wrote in the subject, I'm warning you.
Up front, this is emotional terrorism. Yes, it is. Jihad. Yeah, I mean, you watch it and you're almost irritated at the maker of it. Like, oh, that's just screwed. I mean, what's your problem? That's just blatant. What's the matter with you? Why did you set out to ruin my day? It's not clever. It's not clever. It's not clever. It's just fun. It's just meant to be good laugh. It's just for good fun. It's not clever at all. Woods, I finally watched that video you told me about. The Aura Levine. It's hysterical. It's great. It's not hysterical, but it's not clever either. No, it's the most hysterical video I've ever seen. You know what's clever? What? Tim and Eric is clever. That's not clever. Tim and Eric's not clever. It's brilliant. I had brilliance of stretch, mate. I got in there and I got chuckle. I said chuckle. I said, oh, it's a chuckle. You got a chuckle. It's a chuckle. I said it was a chuckle and then my wife chuckled too. Avril video is hysterical. It's not clever. Yeah, it makes me laugh. If I'm ever in a down mood and I feel like I just can't make it through the day, I watched that video from Avra that you sent me and you know what I do? I laugh so hard my stomach hurts. At some times when I watch it, I've got to press pause because I'm laughing so hard I'm about to wet myself. That's how hard I laugh. It's not clever.
It's hysterical. It's a fine line between stupid and clever. Have you seen the previews for Battle Los Angeles? No. Will I like it? It looks really good. It looks bad. Are there robots in it? TV show? Movie? Movie. Are there robots in it? All I know is when a movie looks like a documentary, I'm in. Are there robots in it? Nope. Are there... Is it in the future? Woods. Is it in the future? Open your mind. My mind's open, pal. I'm with Woods. It's closed for business. I'm not into the futuristic. It's not closed. I don't like future stuff. I don't really like that either. Give me gritty... Go see Winter's Bone. That's a good movie. Yes. Just came in the mail yesterday from Netflix. Have you watched it yet? It's freaking great. Oh, no. Uh-oh. Look who's here. That's right. Winter's Bone.
Bone? Yes, Winter's Bone. Brilliant. Winter's Boon. Winter's Boon. Mini, yes, it's one of kinds. Yeah, it was a Sundance. Sundance, yeah, Sundance as well. That's what you meant. The Toronto Film Festival. Yes. Toronto. One-handed today, huh? Sometimes, yeah. The piano? Just tickling the eyebrows? I'm a prodigy. How do you get that piano in here every time? It's a mini. It's a mini. Wow. It's fitting. Yeah. Really? It's big on you. How dare you? Couldn't even spring for the baby grand. Bring in that mini. It's a mini grand, you plebeian. It's junk if you ask me. Listen, I wasn't sold on Battle Los Angeles. Is Kurt Russell in it? No. Will Smith? Yes, is Willow Smith in it? If Will Smith's in a movie, that's guaranteed out. Guaranteed. Christian Bale. He's in some good movie. Will Smith? Yeah, he was in a movie, Seven... Six Degrees of Separation? Seven Pounds? Seven Pounds. Never saw it. Oh, y'all like it. You gotta see that movie. Never saw it.
Take a listen. Take a listen. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Will Smith was in it. Surfers in the water. A picture of the city. Smogged up real good. There are warnings that cannot be. Soldiers will make war. You ever make horror movies like this? In 2011. Oh, wow. Okay. See this guy being bombed. Nothing can prepare you. So what's next? Come on, let's hang on.
Give it a chance. Give it a chance. Give it a chance. Looks like a war movie. Looks like Hurt Locker. Looks like you're watching... Just saw Hot Girl Soldier. It's all happening. All in. Spaceships, out. Are you? It's spaceships. Come on. Come on. Spaceships? Believe in things. It looks good. It's really well done. It looks so well done. It looks really well done. It's called imagination. I mean, I know spaceships don't exist, but when they make them look so real, and it looks like, you know, they're using CNN, they get permission from CNN. Is that Rosario Dawson? Yes. You don't like Rosario Dawson either? No, no, no. Is that her? No, it wasn't her. Bridget Moynihan? Oh, yeah. She's in it. Greetings. We out of here to take over your planet. I love it. I love it. It looks good because it doesn't. It's coming soon. Yeah, March 11th. March 11th. Battle Los Angeles. Listen. Here's the deal, Woodsy. Listen, I hated, I hated, what was it, Will Smith? How about District 9? Never saw it. Oh, that was weird. I like it. I kind of didn't like it because I kind of thought that it tried to get funny. Yeah. Tried to get kind of funny. It's very predictable. And what I like is, I like when they make things seem real. Not funny, not campy. Yeah. I want it to seem real.
You saw signs. You liked signs. I liked signs for some reason, even though there were aliens in it. There's aliens in it. You know why? Because they made it look real. You know why, though? I love Mel Gibson. I love Mel Gibson. I like Joaquin Phoenix. Yeah, I love Joaquin. But anything that they do, if they make it look real, I'm totally in. YouTube battle Los Angeles. It looks phenomenal. I did. I did. I put the link on Facebook. That looks good. Click on the draw. Hill, what do you got coming up? So much good stuff. I grabbed the new Strokes and Decembrists and New Politics and New Order and the new Arcade Fire. But what I'm going to start with... People better buckle up. You better brace yourselves for that one. You better brace yourselves. Wow. I picked a winner to start with. And you picked a good song. The crash tax, by the way, is something in Vista, right? Yeah, Vista is considering implementing the crash tax, which basically if you get in a car accident, you're going to be charged $300 per basic response. Some cities enforce this already. Vista now wants to.
$300 is cheap compared to other cities, which are between $2,000 to $3,000. Wow. Just for a basic response if you get in a car accident. Congrats, Vista. Happy birthday. All of your money. Everybody's broke. Lovely and talented Hillary is coming up next, and we will see you tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. Mikey shows out late.