The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 02/18/11

0:06The program, everybody. It's a Mikey show on a Friday with a live studio audience in here. You've got to love the studio audience, man. Reminds me of when I was in high school. That's what I used to do. All through my senior year in high school, that's what I did. After school? No. No. Instead of? Instead of school, yeah. And it was not good, and I don't recommend it to kids. In fact, I say, be cool. Stay in school. Wow. You say that like every day. Every single day. It's written on my t-shirt right now. With a cat that's wearing sunglasses. That's right. Be cool. Stay in school. Why is it always a cat? Why is it always an animal with sunglasses on? He's a cool cat. Yeah, he's a cool cat. Having sunglasses makes you cool. That's right. It does. Welcome to the program. It's the Mikey Show. And let's see.

2:18Word of the day today is rake. So when you hear me say rake, between now and 10 o'clock, be caller number 9 at 5701949. And this weekend is the AMA Series race at Qualcomm. And so we'll give you a pair of pit passes to that and tickets. Rain or shine. Rain or shine. It looks like it's going to be rain. How about just rain? Yeah. Rain or rain. We'll give you a case of chocolate muscle milk. And that's a muscle milk prize pack. We'll give you a $50 certificate to the snowboard mega sale. And also today we will be drawing for our grand prize winner of a $250 certificate to the ski and snowboard mega sale. So pretty cool. All that happening. Let's see. 570-1949 is our number. Give us a call. Beginning and end of every show, we let you call in about whatever you want. And an M1 listener. is somebody that listens to the Mikey Show, turns new people on to the Mikey Show when you call in. Turn your radio down. Don't cuss and get to the point. That's what makes you a good M1. M1 Ninja from Claremont. What's up? Hi, guys. Happy Friday. Good. Thank you. Did I just say good? You just did it. You just did it. I just said good when you said happy Friday. I thought she said how's your Friday. Yeah, I know. She said happy Friday. Good, good. Yeah.

3:47It's okay. It's a great bit. Hopefully it is good, too. Yeah. I was calling because I tried to meet you guys at the meet and greet, but I ended up getting there right when you guys were leaving, and I didn't want to burden you guys. Oh, you should have said hi. It wouldn't have been a burden at all. No, but here's the cool part. I am a actual female. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You cut out. Your cell phone cut out, so we didn't hear what you said. So I was saying, my goal for going to the meet and greet was to meet you guys, but also because I'm newly single. Newly single. Yeah, and I was going to meet my girlfriend there, and I was going to be there with her as my wingman, but she stood me up, and so I almost didn't go. But the good part is I ended up meeting two really great, sweet M1 girls for friends. Oh, that's cool. That's really cool. See, M1's just making friends with M1's. I love it. Yeah, and it gets better. So as the night ensued, I ended up meeting a guy, and I've been talking to him all week. It's been awesome. So without you guys, I wouldn't have... How great is that? I love it. I love it. It seems like when you go out on your own and you don't have people around you is when you get approached more and things work out.

5:12Yeah. Just like a sitting duck. Yeah. That sounds awesome. It's been kind of awesome, yeah. But I haven't been able to listen to you as much because I've been staying up late talking to him. Oh, wow. Wow. On the phone. On the phone. There it is. On the phone. Yeah, on the phone. Do you guys text a lot? Oh, yes. Oh, wow. That's great. It's all because of you guys. Isn't that the best, this time in a relationship? Yeah. They're all nervous. Nervous and giddy and happy. Every time your phone goes off, you're like, it's him. I know. It's great. Hey, thank you for calling. We appreciate the call. Yeah, thank you, guys. That's Ninja. Get some. You too. Oh, wow. Yeah, so it's supposed to rain this weekend. And I mean really rain, which is not good news for a friend of ours named Ashley that's getting married this weekend and was supposed to get married at the beach. Oh, no. Yeah. Were you going? Friend of our family. No, no, no. She's actually the sister of our babysitter. So I know her through the sister. Sure. But, yeah, wedding day.

6:27It rained on my wedding, and someone told me that it's harder to untie a wet knot. Yeah, it's supposed to be good luck. You know, you tie the knot when you get married. It's harder to untie a wet knot. I like it. It came up last night at our growth group that this wedding was happening this week, and somebody said, that's good luck. Yeah, that's what they say, yeah. Yeah, and I said, is it? I never heard that. And Rebecca said, yeah, it rained on Sienna's wedding. And I go, uh-uh. I go, it didn't rain. There was a big, beautiful rainbow, but it didn't rain. That rainbow was amazing. Yeah, I know it was. I have a picture of it on my phone. And I go, this is a rainbow, but it didn't rain. And she goes, babe, don't you remember when we were going into the reception, it was raining? And I'm like, what? What? Yeah. Before I walked into the church, when I was with my dad, all my bridesmaids got in the flower girl. And then all of a sudden. Boom. It started pouring. And I had to walk from one building to the church outside. And so I was with my dad, like, you know, hair all done, makeup about to make my big entrance. And it was boring rain. And I had to stand out there and wait for it to calm down. Yep. Extreme Pizza. We'll be bringing some food in for everybody here this morning. So that'll be real nice. And at 730, we're doing something new. It's called the Dead Arm Duel. I love it.

7:51And here's how the dead arm duel works. My name, Woods' name, and Jay's name go into a basket. The first two names that are drawn are the ones that do the dead arm duel. And we'll be asked questions by LOB. And the person that comes closest to the correct answer is the winner. And the loser. The loser takes punch from that guy in the arm. Hard. Jay. I punched both Woods and I yesterday in the arm, and it felt like a donkey. Yeah, it felt real good, actually. I did not. I did. Oh, that was. There's no way I could be punched like that. Woods got punched twice. I got punched twice or three times. Oh, I felt so bad for you guys. I didn't feel bad at all. No bruise? No, that's just a tricep right there. That's what you call that. I think it's a zit. Yeah, exactly. It's an eczema. Yeah, Jay, for a 47-year-old, hits like a 20-year-old. Yes. And he throws all of his might into that punch. No, that's not true. It's like hitting a slab of beef. Oh, man. That's what it sounds like. Ow, it hurts to think about it. So this is pretty interesting news. We're going to be hitting on a few things. One of them is... My arm. Yes, that is one of them. Yes. One of them is your arm. Chances it's millions and hundreds. One of them likely.

9:17More than likely. A guy won't wrestle a girl in high school. We're going to talk about that. We're going to talk about the TSA getting caught for stealing people's money. We're going to talk about what the latest is on the woman that lost her leg in the stingery car crash with the cab driver. And also about the scissors that were left in a patient. We'll be talking all about these things within the next few minutes. First, this dude in high school that will not wrestle this girl. What's the deal? Well, he is a sophomore. His name is Joel Northrup. He is homeschooled, but he wrestles for an Iowa high school. The high school is called Linmar High. How can you do that, by the way? Because it's not fair. To the kids, because he lives in the district, but his parents choose to homeschool him. His dad is a Pentecostal preacher. Yeah. So if you get homeschooled, you can actually take part in high school sports. Seems that way. Yeah, it seems that way. That's cool. Yeah, that was one of the questions I had, too. But apparently, so they get to this big championship wrestling tournament. And they do the drawing and the seating, and he gets a girl in the first round. And he goes, nope, I'm out.

10:36Wow. He said, I am out. And they went to her. Her name is Amanda Herkelman. And they raised her arm and said, she is the winner. Do you blame him? Yes, I'm sorry. It's Cassie Herkelman. Yeah, I do, actually. Because I had friends in high school that wrestled girls. And they had to wrestle girls. That's all I wanted to do in high school. So his bit wasn't. I'm not wrestling a girl, dude. Right. This is his quote. As a matter of conscience and my faith, I do not believe that it's appropriate for a boy to engage a girl in this manner. It is unfortunate that I have been placed in a situation not seen in most other high school sports in Iowa. And his dad basically said, we believe in the elevation and respect of women. We don't think wrestling a woman is the right thing to do. Body slamming and takedowns, that full contact sport is not how to do that. All right. Hey, listen, if that's how you feel, fine. Then you lose. But why wrestle then if you know that, I mean, that's possible. It is possible. Yeah, and if you don't look at it, you're not trying to hurt that person. You're trying to win the sport. And she has voluntarily done that. I'm going to punch you in the ovary. And you're not making love. Right. You're not making love to her. You're not making love to her. Great shot.

12:01Maybe he was just more afraid that she would beat him. I don't think so. I don't think so. Because his dad is a Pentecostal preacher, they've got some pretty strict rules and that's how he was raised. That's what he believes in. So he's like, nope, not going to do it. When I was in high school, there was a guy named Cordell Baker and he was the best... No. He was Asian. He was the best wrestler in the state of California and wrestled at Gilroy High. He was a scary dude. Yeah. He had extra abilities. You know, he had abilities that most people didn't have. He was able to wrestle guys really, really good. And I wrestled one year. And I remember that they would every once in a while, they would just throw meat at him. And I was one of them, you know, just to so that he could. It was almost like sparring. Just to stay honed. Just to stay honed. Yeah. And so I was one of the pieces of meat that they threw at Cordell Baker. No way. Yeah. How did that go? Oh, it was fun. So much fun. I remember, you know, kissing the bottom of my feet. Wow. I, too, got beat up by a wrestler in high school. But we got in a fight over a girl. And my friend said, it was at a carnival. And they said, don't get on the ground with him, dude. And I was like, pfft.

13:27Don't worry about it. He was about three feet tall. He beat the crap out of him. If you fight at a carnival, you might be a redneck. This was in Connecticut. Well, if you fight at a carnival in Connecticut. You might be a wreck. He wanted to fight me. I took his girlfriend. What was I supposed to do? I was like, yeah, I'll fight you three feet tall. Yeah. He whipped my butt. He killed you. Whipped my butt. Mikey, did you wear tights? I wore the, you know, the unit. The singlet. The singlet. Yeah. You got any pictures? Yeah. I was actually a decent wrestler, but I couldn't wrestle Cordell Baker. My dad was a really good wrestler and a starting quarterback. Low center of gravity. Yes, low center of gravity. It always helps. It does. M1 dog bait from IB. What's up, Mikey Show? Not too much, bro. Hey, I just wanted to call in about this chick wrestling. When I was playing hockey in high school, there was a team with a couple girls on it.

14:30They're at it. They're in the sport. They got the puck and everything. But at the time, I was like standoffish. But then my mom was like, hey, they're playing your sport, man. Yeah. You got to get in there. Take it to them. Get in there. Take it to them. You've got to overcome that no-hitting girls thing. If they're in your sport, they're there to take it and play the sport. Play the sport, man. Thank you for the call. I appreciate it. Nick, what is his name? The guy that plays for the New York Jets. He's a lineman for the New York Jets. Nick something. Does anybody in here know? All pro. I can't remember his name. Defensive or offensive? Offensive line. Maybe it isn't Nick. I don't think it's Nick. Plays for the Jets. Long, blonde, scraggly blonde hair. Somebody will call. Nick Mangold? Nick Mangold. Nick Mangold. His sister is a... High school offensive lineman. No way. Wow. Yeah. And she's big. Big girl. Wow. Big. And they did a piece on it for ESPN one time. And I'm just being honest with you. The feeling I got was that Nick didn't really dig it. Of course not. He was like, when they were interviewing him, he was like.

15:50Yeah, you know, I mean, yeah. I just want to talk about the game. He wasn't like, I'm so proud of her. She did it. It wasn't like that. It was like, yeah, she sure does. She sure does, yeah. Anyway, the Bengals. You guys got a nod about that. Yeah. What if you were playing hockey and there's a girl in the corner and she's fighting for a puck, could you go in and... belt her one? I have. You have? I played roller hockey and there were girls played all the time. Check them just like everybody else. Roller hockey. Roller hockey. I couldn't do it. Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this, Jay. No problem. Let's say that it was ice hockey and you get out into the middle of the ice and a girl drops her gloves on you. Do you know what that means? I absolutely know what that means. We have people dropping gloves all the time. Easy big time. I mean, one of my buddies actually almost got in a fight with a girl because she checked him through the wall. I mean, the door, we have doors that would let you into our area. Yeah. And ice is basically the same. You're playing on rollerblades, which is real manly. Yeah. And she checked him through the door. He was coming out swinging at this girl. I mean, they play. Now, is a guy a jerk if he does that? Yeah. No. That's my thing. I don't think it's.

17:07He can hit so much harder. Yeah, but she's there voluntarily. I had a friend that played ice hockey, and she used to throw the fisticuffs all the time. She'd be like, you think I can't go? And she would, like, start with them. The guy just stands there. Yeah, well, the natural inclination is for the guy to be like, well, it's a girl. I've been taught, you know, my whole life, like, don't hit girls. Guys are stronger than girls. I know, but they sign up for it. There's a couple girls that whip me. They're quick, though. I mean, the girls would just whip the puck around just like nobody's business, just like everybody else. It's such an even playing field. I just don't think there's a need for fighting, period, in hockey. Here's the thing, you know, like, why fight? You know. Our Hungarian nanny, Nita, yeah, she's stronger than Jake, okay? But she's not stronger than me, you know? No, but she's not training for anything. A girl that's training, you know, to do something like that? And especially at that age when you're, like, teenagers and stuff? Obviously, I'm not saying that every man is stronger than every woman because there are going to be women that are stronger than... Okay, but what I am saying is that in general...

18:15The average 16-year-old boy is stronger than the average 16-year-old girl. That's fair. And let's say that we're just keeping the roles fair, okay? Let's say that you have your average 16-year-old girl and your average 16-year-old boy, but the girl has worked out like crazy and become extra strong. And the guy has worked out like crazy and become extra strong. He's going to win. Because men physiologically are stronger, give them more strength. So if a girl drops gloves on a guy, I think it's kind of weird. I would just restrain her. If possible, I wouldn't hurt her. Would you pink belly her? I'd give her a noogie. Indian burn. Yeah, would you give her an Indian burn? I'm not fighting you, but this is going to hurt you more than it's going to hurt me. Let me tell you. What a jerk my brother Steve used to be. He used to do this. He used to do this. And this was at the point where I couldn't fight back, you know, because he was older. I'd be about 12. He'd be 17 or something like that. And he would go and he'd lick his hands. And what that meant was he was about to Indian burn me. But he licked his hands because it caused more friction. Oh, dude. When you lick your hands and you put it on.

19:43somebody's arm and you start... Don't do it. Don't try it. No, I don't. I don't want to lick my hands. My brother used to do that all the time. It hurts so bad. My sister used to lick her hand and she'd get on the... and do your hair like this and it would all knot up. Your arm hair? Arm hair. I would have had to have had arm hair in order for that to happen. It hurts just to think about it. So the TSA is stealing money in where, New York? Oh, my gosh. Okay, this is pretty crazy. Yeah, it happened at JFK International Airport, and these guys were working for American Airlines. So I'm going to give you their last names. One of them was Kumar. One of them was Webb. Now, Kumar was working at the X-ray. He was X-raying a piece of baggage. Is that the dude that went to White Castle? Yeah, this is a movie synopsis. They were stoned. Yeah, we've heard this. That's Harold and Kumar, and they're spelled different. Differently. This one's with a C. Gotcha. So Kumar, basically, he's X-raying a piece of baggage and he noticed what looked like money inside of it. So while he was working at American Airlines Terminal, he called his buddy Webb, who worked down in the baggage belt area of American Airlines. He told him about the bag with the money. Then Webb searched the bag. He marked it with tape. And then Kumar went to the baggage handling system area, found the bag, saw $170,000 inside. Wow.

21:04Who puts that much money in a bag? Drug dealers. First of all. So I guess, you know, Kumar took some of the money. $170,000. Was that the Lufthansa heist? It's the Lufthansa heist. Yeah. So Kumar takes some of the money out of the bag. He puts it in a box and then goes to a nearby bathroom. Then Webb comes to meet him in the bathroom. They're both there with $170,000, which they or some of the $170,000, which they've taken from this bag. And they each take some of the money from the box, hide it in their clothes. Another employee reportedly saw or heard about something like this. So now police have searched their house, found over $23,000 in one of their houses, over $16,000 in the other person's house. So they're in some big trouble. Yeah, because nobody's going to miss any of their $160,000 going. Well, you might be like, no, that wasn't mine. I don't know if you're smuggling. Real quickly, the woman that got injured in the stingery crash. Yes, this last weekend, early in the morning on Saturday about 2 a.m., cab came crashing into about 20-something people. The woman got pinned against the wall at stingery and thought she was going to lose her leg, but she's had another successful surgery on her right leg, and the surgeon said it was clean. Everything looks good, so all chances on her keeping her leg are just getting better and better. That's great. Yeah. And then?

22:26There was a woman who, I guess, went in for a surgery and had a little bit of pain or something after the surgery. Yeah, well, this is in France, and this woman was complaining about some post-surgery pain, abdominal pain, and I guess it really got bad when she had a coughing fit and realized, okay, something's really wrong because something was pointing into her belly button. Goes in, gets x-rayed, and they find a four-inch long... Surgical scissors inside of her that was left during the surgery. Scissors. It's not, you know, you hear about towels and stuff like that. Sponges. These are pointy scissors inside of your body. Idiot. That's insane. She's obviously going to be suing. She should. When Rebecca had her C-section for Lukey, they had to put her back on the table because they thought that they'd left a sponge inside of her. You know, maybe you could just. Double check. Well, everything's numbered, I think. And that's why they probably just threw something away they weren't supposed to. Maybe do a run through. Yeah. Sew it up. Yeah. Maybe take roll call. Yeah. Sponge. Yeah. Scissors here. Yeah. Here. Present. Here, here, here. 50 times in the last two days. So good. I bought it yesterday. I finally watched it on TV on the Grammys. Amazing. We're talking about this song with Eminem and Dre and Skylar Gray. Sure, this song's fine, but...

24:14Have you heard Ron Artest's new song, Peanut Butter? Really? Yes, really. We got audio. We got audio of Ron Artest's new song called Peanut Butter. I like his voice. Mikey! Come on! Sorry, sorry, sorry. Maybe he gets rebounds, okay? Sorry, sorry. We'll play it next. Make some noise in here. I'm going to play you this Ron Artest song, Peanut Butter. Just a song. In just a minute. I think he has a pleasant voice. I think he has, I mean, for rap music, I don't think he's bad. He was going to give up his NBA career. Hey, listen. It's a goofy song because it's saying peanut butter. But if I heard it, I'd be like, oh yeah, that guy sounds pretty good. If you didn't know it was Ron Artest and I was like, hey, this is the new...

25:50Kid Slick record. Yeah. This is a new rap artist. What do you think? I'd be like, it's a stupid thing to rap about, but... I'm going to try to get that in my head when I listen to it. But he sounds all right. Kid Slick. Kid Slick. We're going to be doing the Dead Arm Duel at 7.30. And that means that we'll be pulling from... Pulling either... Pull two names out. First two names that come out. Me, Woods, or Jay. First two names that come out are the ones that are playing. Here they are. I feel... 98% sure I will be drawn. I do too. I don't think I will be. Wow. Let's see. Maybe we just messed ourselves up. Maybe we just jinxed ourselves. You both probably don't want to be and Jay wants to be. Which is why you want... He's relishing it. God, he punches hard. I'm wearing this. Where did the day's rake? Let's see. Don't forget, by the way, portraitprints.net. I got an email from somebody the other day that said, what's the name of that website that turns pictures into portraits? And so I wrote them back and told them it's portraitprints.net. And that's our friend Jared's other website, other business. When you go there, you'll see a picture of us, the same picture that's hanging here in the studio. Amazing. Okay, so let me play you this. We're on our test. Wrapping.

27:17And he is, as you know, Lakers forward. And the song is called Peanut Butter. Sounds like a hot mess. Well, that's ridiculous. Everybody talk at once. If I didn't know, I'd be like, yeah, it sounds like a rap song. No, I think the production is awful. Terrible. His voice is good. Yeah. It's like they're just messing around. Yeah. Pushing buttons. Yeah, I mean. As far as a rap singer's voice, I was like, yeah. His voice is pretty good. His voice works. Not bad. Subject matter kind of. Not that great. Yeah, it's about peanut butter. Although I love peanut butter. It's about peanut butter. I do, too. I like that. I like peanut butter, too. I do, too. A little bit of honey on it, maybe. Oh, straight up. It speaks to the masses. Sugar. Maybe I like it too much. Ate some yesterday, actually. Maybe I shave with it. Maybe I shave with it? That's fantastic. Yeah, Jules.

28:51It was a mess last night. Our cat. Really? A mess. Why? He's a mess every week that we have people over. He's a cat. Oh. Gets all up in people's grills. Yeah. Tail raised. Yeah. Well, last night, growth group, we found out somebody else is allergic to cats. Perfect. Oh, it's a bit. It's not a bit. You say something the first week, you don't wait until week 36. It was his wife. That revealed it to Rebecca. And it wasn't like, hey, I just want you to know. It wasn't like that. It was like we were talking about something about allergic. And she goes, oh, yeah, Brian's allergic to cats. Oh, okay. So Rebecca, Rebecca. Oh, it wasn't, that was, it wasn't like, the cat wasn't even anywhere around. Right, right. So at one point, Rebecca decides, oh, I know what I'll do. I'll put the cat in the little.

29:53where he goes poop out in the garage. It's a small garage area because we've had part of it partitioned off. So the cat has its own private bathroom? Well, no. The cat shares the bathroom with storage space and stuff like that. And so she puts him in the middle of everything. We're sitting there discussing. And in the middle of it, all of a sudden, she gets up and walks out of the room. We don't know where she's going. She gets Jules, walks back through all of us, holding him. He's a 50-pound, you know, he looks like a 50-pound cat. He's huge. Like a jaguar. Yeah, a puma. Big black puma. L.O.B. L.O.B. And she puts him in the garage, and there's a cat door, so she has to pull this hamper-type thing in front of it so that he can't get in. And she sits back down, and I'm not kidding you, this loud, through a closed door. and then you hear oh

31:15Rebecca just can't win. You get mad if she leaves the cat in. You get mad if she takes the cat out. What's she supposed to do? He wants her to kill the cat. I don't want her to kill the cat. Why do you like killing cats? I don't like killing cats. Why are you nodding when you say, I don't want her to kill the cat? I like to get rid of cats. I like to give cats to a lucky family. A lucky family? You paint a very appealing picture. I like to give cats to a loving home. So she said, And, I mean, everybody's laughing. It's so loud. That everybody's laughing. So embarrassing. And finally, I look at her. I look at her and I go, for real? And she goes, what? And I said, I mean, is this uncomfortable at all? And she goes, a little bit. And so she goes, why don't you rise above it? And I said, okay. Using a woods bit. Using a woods bit on you real good. So, okay, so. I'm going to rise above it. So we go, and he finally quiets down for, I'm not kidding, 10 seconds. 10 seconds is not very long. 10 seconds, that was it. He was quiet for 10 seconds. That was it. Back at it. Oh, boy. And she goes, I'll put him upstairs next week. Yeah, that's a good idea. So you'll just hear. It's an inconvenience. Pet, and he knows that when people come over, they will pet him.

32:45It's awful. It's the worst. Oh, boy, Jay. You're heartless. You are. Well, we eat cats in my house, so it don't matter. Yeah, I mean, it's good protein. I packed Jasper a cat sandwich for lunch. Black cats are unlucky. Are they? They are. That's why you shouldn't have it. Sienna hates them. Mikey Show, hello. Aw, Jules. Mikey's cat. You got a rough night last night? Yeah. Tell us about it. Throw a fit? What happened? Screaming for help. Not a cry for help. Yeah, scream. I would say so. What can we do for you? Well, if we release you, you're going to die. No, I mean, leave me a book. Well, I'm over there. Put on a movie. Anything. You don't watch enough movies over there? Apocalypse Now real good. You know what I do? Mix it up a little bit. There you go. How many times a day do you get attention? Never. Never once in a day. Do you ever get petted? No. Pet? Pet. Pet? Oh, wow. The boys play with you. Yeah. They pull me. They try to pull me apart. They pull my ears. They pull my tail. They pull me. But that's attention. You say you just. Awesome. Just getting like mugged in the yard every day. It's really great. Last time Rebecca talked to me. What? I don't remember. What about Mike? I never remember.

34:26Yeah. Does he hate you? No, he's the only one that pets me. What about the nanny, Nita? She probably pets you. Hungarian? Yeah. I see Hungarians all day long. What's wrong with that? She lives there. Yeah. Mexicans. There's nothing wrong with that, Jules. Yeah. I walk into the house sometimes and think I'm in the cantina scene at Star Wars. That's what it sounds like. It's a fine life you made for yourself. Open your mind. It's not from Mikey, though, because Mikey speaks no Spanish. Yeah, that's right. You want to talk to... Yeah. Hi. Where have you been? You're Mike's other cat, right? That's correct. Oh, we don't hear from you very often. He disappeared. He disappeared. Oh. He's undercover, I think. Got it. Should you be talking about this? Hang on. Meow.

35:44Meow. Someone's walking by. Meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow. I'll kill her. And if she does walk by, then I need you to know that I will have... Meow. Meow. You're not going to kill anybody. How are you going to do it? I'm going in. Like what? Gravy? Like a plan. Gravy. Anything I can do to help? Jay wants him dead, too. Let's be honest. You want him dead, too? No. I hope he just wants to play in his black. Yes. That I will do. Do you want to dive into it headlong? No, I'll just dabble in it a little bit. Maybe paint with it. Figure paint. Yeah.

36:48That is you jumping into his blow. Well, if it's there. It's like meow. Oh, man. Your house, bro. Wow. There's a lot going on over there. Oh, it's a blast. Crazy. Circus. It's really a blast. So do you just get real nervous and skeeved out for growth group on Thursdays now because of the cat? Oh, man. Yeah. Because I know that somebody's allergic. I know someone's uncomfortable. I know that somebody's going to get a face full of butt. Cat butt. You know the car ride over for certain people is like, oh, boy. We got to move this thing. Yeah. We got to go. Can we just do this? Let's all get the other guys together. And then we'll just make our own growth group. Let's just slowly say we're looking to cats. Hey, he's used to it. We'll just do it. There's got to be a cat-free growth group somewhere. We'll just call it group. We'll just call it the group. We'll call it the group. Yeah. That's beautiful. It's okay, Mike. They love going to your house.

37:49You have a very beautiful, pleasant home. It's full of allergens. It's a family's home. And apparently conspirators, too. My son Ryan dislocated his elbow yesterday. That was a good time. It's a hell of a day for you. It's been a fun week. My dad was rushed to the hospital this week. Ryan dislocated his elbow, and Jake had some sort of leg injury that we don't know about. My wife is on the line, probably to defend herself. Hello, my darling wife. Babe, come on. Honey. Oh, really? Somebody else dislocate something? Honey, let me ask you a question. What are you wearing? That wasn't me, babe. That was Jay the creep. That's so creepy. Babe. Are you trying to tell everyone listening right now that that wasn't embarrassing last night? No, it definitely was embarrassing. Yes. There's no question. It was very loud. Babe, am I exaggerating? Was it loud? It was loud, and it was distracting, and it was kind of funny, but we're all adults. Would you, if you were under oath, would you describe it as loud?

39:16Or very loud? I would describe it as loud. I'm going to ask you again, and this time I want to remind you that you're under oath. I think the fact that it was unusual noises made it seem like it was louder, but it was not extremely loud. It wasn't like it hurt our ears or anything. What about when he took all of his 50 pounds and pounded on the door with both paws? Well, he wanted to come in. He's not used to getting lost. you know, away. Is there any part of you that feels odd that two people are allergic to cats while that said cat is banging on a door screaming at the top of its lungs? It actually gets worse than what you described because the first allergy, she was very clear that the only time it affects her is if she pets the cat and then touches her eyes. So, you know, it's like the responsibility is kind of on her and it's not that big of a deal.

40:16But last night, this wife in question, she saw Jules under the coffee table and up until that point did not know that we had a cat. They had not seen the cat before. And when she saw the cat, she said, Rebecca, my husband is severely allergic to cats. Oh, wow. Like his, you know, his... chest like he can't breathe. That's not your fault. That's not your fault. She's coming into your home. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Maybe it isn't our fault. But how about help out a little bit here? Well, that's what I did. There's cat hair everywhere. That's very different than, you know, if I pet the cat and touch my eyes. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I put Jules outside. But about halfway through the group, all I could hear was Jules howling at the door. And I was scared that if he kept howling at night, coyotes would kind of come and get him. So I had to put him inside. And there's no other place I want to put him with his food and his litter and stuff. And that just happens to be right next to where we're meeting.

41:32Mike, you complain about this every week, yet we say. Thank you, Sienna. Thank you, Sienna. You're such a doll. Thank you. Thank you. Mike, why don't you take matters into your own hands and put the cat upstairs and you say, I should, I should. But yet every week it's up to Rebecca to do the same thing and you're always unhappy. Don't cats ever want to get away and take a vacation and just relax? No. You know what they want? They want your love. They want your love. I'm the only one that gives it to them. No. Rebecca loves Jules. I've seen her. You don't even know this, babe, but lately I've been letting Jules sleep with us. What? That's not true. Is that true? It's true. Because you're already asleep when I go to bed. So I call him in and he comes and he snuggles between my legs. Question. Question. Question. Question. Question. Question. It doesn't bother you at all. Here's my question. He doesn't know about it. Is the door closed? Yeah. Okay, so let me get this straight. He can be in our room with the door closed with no toilet, but you're uncomfortable putting him in another room for... No, no, no, no. This is what I said. Next week, I will put him upstairs. Okay. The reason why I didn't put him upstairs last night is because had I brought him upstairs, you know, all the kids were up here, and once the babies see me, they get really upset because they don't want me to leave. Right.

43:03So I didn't want to bring the cat upstairs and have a full meltdown. Yeah. Makes sense. But, you know, next week I'll put Jules, well, I'll actually ask you to put Jules in our bedroom and close the door. No, we just need to put a note on the door that says, you know, the cat has to stay here. No abrir. Yeah. No abrir. Cerrado la puerta. Yeah. Cerrado la puerta. What is that? Cerrado la puerta. Cerrado la puerta. Close the door. Keep it closed. All right, honey. I love you. I love you, too. Yeah. Well, there it is. Maybe that dude takes a Claritin. Yeah. Really? You should put a warning on your front door.

43:43Cat. Yeah. Well, if it's that bad, you should be checking before you go somewhere. I'm allergic. Because there's cat hair everywhere. It doesn't matter if the cat is around you. I'm itchy. If you're allergic to peanuts, you don't just take a bite out of any cookie. Yeah. You do your investigating. Yeah. Well, Woods makes it seem like it's a bit and that people don't really have allergies to cats. Is this the first time this dude's been to your house? No. You ever seen him flare up? This is like his second or third time. You ever seen him flare up? No, but I'm not taking his shirt off. Yeah, but I see people that if they are severely allergic to pets. What kind of group is this? It's the kind where you don't take people's shirts off. But as soon as they walk in, it's like, oh, my gosh. Right. Everything. So, yeah. Some people definitely stretch it. Take it, Claritin. Wow. Sally. 570-1949 is our number. New whooping cough cases reported in San Diego, and we know exactly what schools. And we're going to tell you which ones next. Let's make some noise with our live studio audience. Very nice. So we're going to be telling you here in just a second where these schools are that the whooping cough cases have come from. Some new reported cases of whooping cough here in San Diego.

45:55Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, yesterday, U.S. Customs and Border Protection announced that in New York at JFK International Airport, they seized more than $9 million worth of opium. Now, it's not very often you find opium. You know, they find cocaine, heroin more often than opium. But 205 pounds of brown tar-like substance was found in these porcelain cats that were, yeah. that were sent. So pretty crazy. Also around 4,000 sailors and Marines will be deployed next week to the Western Pacific Ocean, Middle Eastern waters, the Navy announced yesterday. And the Navy will be welcoming home today the USS Jarrett from a six-month mission off Central and South America. Jarrett! Jarrett! There you go. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, there's been a lot in the news. Sorry, Jay. Sports is brought to you by Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Get some. Albert Pujols has been in the news, the slugging first baseman for the Cardinals. He arrived at camp yesterday without a contract extension. He had given them a deadline and said he wanted to get it done before camp. He's blaming the media. It's their fault. Cut one. That's why we keep this out of the media. We don't want to negotiate with you guys because you guys are blowing this out of proportion. We keep it low, and that's how we're going to keep it. Yeah, out of proportion, like $300 million for eight years for a 31-year-old first baseman.

47:20It's the media's fault. That's a lot of money. It's a lot of dough to hit a baseball. Also, new Padre Cameron Maven. He's the new center fielder. We got him from Florida. Good little player, but already in trouble with Twitter. What? He goes down to spring training, has a meal, and then goes to Twitter and says, Never eat Panda Express. S had me feeling awful for two days. Back on my grind tomorrow. We got action. Problem, Cameron, is that Tom Davin, who's the CEO of Panda Express, also has part ownership of the Padres. Oh, wow. It's like starting at the new company being like, man, I hate Lincoln Financial. And they're like, this is Lincoln Financial. He's like, oops, I'm sorry. Oh, wow. Maybe these guys will learn their lesson with tweeting pretty soon. I'm Mikey. Don't do it.

48:19That's Woodsy. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And our phone screener today is Chris. And the word of the day is rake. So when I say that, sometime between now and 10, be calling nine to win some cool stuff. Okay. So some new whooping cough cases here in San Diego. And where are they? Oh, my gosh. Just such a bummer. So far this year, there's been 70 cases reported. Whooping cough, which is also known as pertussis. Five cases this week among kids in schools. Now, here are the schools. Discovery Isle Preschool in Carlsbad, Point Loma High School, and San Deguito High School in Encinitas. Oh, wow. So they have found five cases of whooping cough in those schools this week. And those are areas that are kind of close. I mean, they're all close together. Well, that's not good. You can get vaccinated for it, can't you? I have been. Yeah, I got it. I have been, too. But it's mainly common in children. You know, they're most susceptible to it. And, I mean, it's just great. Something I'm going through with Sage is when you're a baby, they say, get your baby vaccinated, get your baby vaccinated. And you're supposed to do it every two months for, like, the first year they're alive. So you have to get a lot of shots. Hey, there is more.

49:36I mean, now that in Egypt, because of what happened in Egypt, now other countries are going, oh, we see what you do. You just organize on Facebook and you get out there and you change stuff. In Italy, they're protesting the prime minister. He was under a lot of trouble over there. And also in Bahrain, which is over by Saudi Arabia. Protesters, you know, are just are just, you know, want the monarchy. They want everyone out. And it's just the same type of deal. And that's the thing you mob now. Yeah. You get into a mob. Or you riot. That's the whole thing. But in Bahrain earlier this week, five people were killed and hundreds were wounded. 230 were wounded. And the military has been banning public gatherings. I mean, it's really, really ugly over there. The police were firing birdshot rubber bullets and tear gas. And, I mean, it's just looking so ugly. You ever saw it, Mom? Gosh. I like how Sienna says Bahrain. You do? Yeah. Try and sit. I like it. It probably wasn't even a crack. No, I like it. Don't go to your job. Get shot with beanbags. Burn a couple flags. When a problem comes along. You must riot. When you think government is wrong. You must riot. Throw rocks and sticks and fire bombs. You must riot. Now riot. Start today. Get your way. Don't bother to use your head.

51:09Y'all catch your slogans and march all day. Now riot, riot good. Mikey Shell, hello. Look who's back from the Poconos, weren't you? Were you at Dolly World? No, I wasn't at Dolly World. Branson, Missouri? Yes, I was in Branson, Missouri. For what? Visiting my uncle and seeing Kenny Rogers. We missed you. Did we? You know what? You guys are going to be sorry because I'm going to organize people against you on Facebook. What are you going to do? I think you're late to that party already, pal. What am I going to do? Yeah, how are you going to get us in trouble? Same thing I did back in the 90s. Which was? I have a history of being able to accomplish things. In the 90s, I brought back the Jeff Fuma. No, go to. From where? I brought it back and I imported it to him. You did? By yourself?

52:25single-handedly. Wow. Yeah, I don't know if that's true. You'd have to leave your mom's basement in order to do something like that. You'd have to have friends, too. Yeah. I was smashing. Are you eating right now? I'm having a hard time understanding it. Yeah, take that hoagie out of your mouth. It's not a hoagie. It's a hot pocket? It's a masashi. What is that? It's a Japanese anime treat that you can order on. It's an anime treat? That doesn't make any sense. Where can I get one? Let me try it. Chance's hostess makes it. It's probably pretty good knowing CBK. Have you ever read Samurai Lord? No. I have sex with women. Well, my wife. Thank you for clarifying. No. CBK. He's not. My wife is a woman. I saw something that made me think of you the other day. What? Entenmann's flavored candles. I almost got you. Is your mouth drooling right now, CBK? Yeah, wipe that slobber from your mouth. It's stupid. It's stupid. There's a whole different voice. It sounds delicious. If you burn those candles, you would just be hungry. I bet Wood would mob it. He might break the glass of the candle. Chances I would eat that candle are pretty good. 100%. Chances. I bet Jay would bri it if suddenly girls are his age.

53:56You friended him on Facebook. You're reading my mind, Captain Buzzkill. Mikey, wouldn't you mob if Taco Bell changed your tortillas? That's ridiculous. He doesn't eat. You don't eat Taco Bell. He wants authentic. Get it right. I have influence. That's my point. No, you don't. You don't have any idea. No, you don't. The internet is powerful, Woods. You have influence maybe on what your mom makes you for dinner. Maybe not even that. Yeah, maybe not. What kind of diapers she buys you? I could have... It's a joke. I could have people form a Facebook page with nine people. At the end of May? So you would have another one? Okay. So you're really not that original. Create eight other profiles. Do the math. So you guys did 30 people by the year. Wow. You don't think 30 people could do some damage? No. You don't know 30 people. Try asking the party. Your puppets don't count. What do you do at a dungeon party? Running them. I'm the DM. Dungeon master? He's the master. It's called a dungeon master, a dork. It's called a dork, you dungeon master. Have you caught up on podcasts yet from your Branson, Missouri trip? No, I don't.

55:45Why do you listen? Why don't you listen to something online that you might like? You don't turn on the TV or anything? You only have the radio on? Yes. I don't have a television. I have a radio. Are your sweatpants around your ankles right now? What color are your sweatpants? They're maroon. He doesn't wear sweatpants. I was going to guess purple. What did you say? What color are your sweatpants? Purple. What color are your underwear? I don't wear any. Gross. Why did I ask that? You don't wear any. Jay doesn't wear any. Mikey wears somebody's Amish or whatever. Mikey's are maroon. But we're attractive. Do you wear thorns? What? Do you wear thorns? Anyway, I have to go. Do you? Yes, I do. You have some more important than me.

56:51Mama make you Eggos. First of all, they're called Legos dorks. They're Eggos. It's Lego my Eggos. She makes you silver dollar pancakes. Shaped like little dragons. You got them. You got them. You couldn't take it. He didn't even realize I was making fun of him. Okay, I have a question. This is an M1s. I want you to post this to Facebook if you got some good ones. But excluding your kids, all right? So I'm going to make that, what do you call it? The rule. Yeah. Bless you. Bless you. Bless you. I'm allergic to cats. Excluding your kids. Have you seen anything recently? that was so funny or whatever that it made you pull your cell phone out and video tape it? Anything. Was there anything that you saw that was just so weird or so bizarre or so whatever that you were like, I have to capture this? Have you guys done any of this? Yeah, over the other weekend, Todd and I brought out the video camera. You guys are going to make fun of us. What?

58:13It's not sage, obviously. No. It's dirty, Sienna. Sex tape? Yeah. No. Thank goodness, finally. There were a lot of chemtrails in the sky from planes. And we were wondering why. And so we videotaped it. Because there was like dozens in one day. And they're up to no good. Did you guys post those on endoftheworld.com? No. We have them. Yeah. Did you post them? You're going to want to see them one day when there were some. $2,000. No, they won't be worth something. But we're on to something. Someone's up to no good. Sienna. Chemtrails. The Navy. Don't. You know what that is. It's true. For people that don't know, all that is is the white trail that follows. No, those are contrails. There's a difference between contrails and chemtrails. What's chemtrails? Well, it's the same thing, but it's basically they're saying that we're being sprayed with some kind of something to control. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. There's animals falling out of the sky. What? Contrail. Then what's a chemtrail? Chemicals. They're dusting us with chemicals. How do they look different? They're thicker. You are... My husband knows a lot more about this. Who is they? Please have him call. Please have him call. It's the government. They're putting in planes fuel. Todd, call. Todd, call. He might already be at work. Oh, I want to talk to him about his theories. It's some kind of control. Really? It's true. Google it. Who wrote it? Charlie Sheen? Did Charlie Sheen write it?

59:40Okay, there's people that know all about them. Is it on charliesheen.net? No, Randy Quaid. Randyquaid.net. Starwhackers. You'll be sorry. Starwhackers.com. You'll be sorry. You'll be sorry when you grow antlers, Mike. Yeah. You just wait. But call us, 570-1949, if you have one, if there was something that you... What's the last thing you taped on your phone? Because it just got you. Jamie got me last week. I think I showed you my air guitar solo to you. You didn't know she was taping you. No, I didn't. I thought she was taking a picture. And it was me doing a killer solo, air guitar solo, to Poison's Life Goes On. Yeah. Insane. Rebecca videotaped me with my sleep mask on. I made her delete it. Oh, my gosh. Why? Your sleep mask. I think I give enough to this program. I don't think you do. I do. If that was out there, Rebecca, make that right again. I made her delete it. Mikey, closing your eyes is not enough. No. I'm with you. I wear one, too. It is. Oh, my gosh. You wear sleep apnea? You wear a sleep mask? That's why you would need to.

1:00:45No, a mask, an eye mask. Eye mask. Oh, just an eye mask? Yeah, like a black... I thought you meant like a... But I'm all woman. We're not women. I don't like the light. Yeah, I don't like light. Close your eyes. I did, but my wife likes to turn the TV up and leave it on. It's really bright, and I put earplugs and a sleep mask, and I'm out. Dude, I got the best sleep mask. Mine covers your ears, too. Well, I have to have the plugs. It's got to be silent. That's what these in addition. I mean, think of how great it would be in addition to your plugs because it covers your ears. Are they? Oh, wow. I got to see it. You can hear through cloth. Yeah. They're thicker where it goes by your ear. So somebody breaks into your house and there you are with your eyes covered and your ears covered. You know, let me tell you something. I'll die in a really delightful sleep. Me too. Wow. Me too. No problem. I mean, I like to pick my family. Softest sleep in the world. Are you kidding? If a pen drops, I wake up. Me too. You know, I just, I'm the softest sleeper in the world. Me too. You are too, right, Sam? Oh, yeah. You too? Me too. Not you, Ella B? Not so much. You just sleep through everything? Yeah, I think so. 570-1949. Mikey Show. This is M1 Heidi from Normal Heights. Hi. What'd you tape? So, I was at a red light one morning on my way to work, and...

1:02:03I look to my right and the person waiting to cross the street is on a Segway in a suit and tie smoking a cigarette. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, that is great. I had a video, David. Please put that on the fan page. Okay. Will you put it on our fan page? Sure. Thank you. I got to see this guy. Oh, that sounds great. I love it. Matt got that video of me pouting wearing a gray sweatsuit. That was great. That was great, too. I'm so mad about that. Yeah. It was... It was about a week ago, two weeks ago? A couple weeks ago. I was pouting and he got that, just raw, and then he made me keep doing it and called me Eeyore as I walked across the room. That's brilliant. I think that there should be an entire website devoted to adults moping, like pouting. Pouting, being baby. Yes, adultpout.com. Yeah, all the way in. Dude, how much would you, I could spend hours watching adults pout. Not even pouting yes, but also just flipping out like my donut when I flipped out about my donut. Had you guys seen that on tape, you probably wouldn't have been friends with me anymore. Woods asked his wife to go get him a chocolate donut. Claire, if you will. And she did, but it had white frosting dribbled across the top of it. And he lost his mind. It wasn't what he asked for. Might have...

1:03:31Cleared my bedside table of everything that was on it. Just. Yep. Might have. Might have. That is just a different kind of guy. Allegedly. That's a different sort of wiring. Well, no, it's not. Than the wiring I have. It's easy. Everybody in their perfect tree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. If I understand that correctly, what that means is if unless you scrape everything off the top of your nightstand. You're perfect. Yes. Well, when you mess with a donut connoisseur's donut, then you have a problem. Yes. And you have a big problem. I am a connoisseur of donuts. And I know what I wanted. Yeah, apparently. Don't ever get me the one with the white stuff drizzled on the top. I'm out. I want the eclair. That's what I wanted. Justin Bieber's guest appearance on CSI. Stokes. You said you wanted to be my friend.

1:04:36Yeah, who's this? You said you wouldn't let the cops kill my brother. And then you empty your gun into him? Jason McCann? I should just let you die like you did, Alex. Is this a black guy? No, it isn't. No, what's up? It's a 12-year-old white kid. Yo, dog, I ain't 12. You know that. How'd you get my number? Wait, they're coming. I gotta go. Whatever you do, don't go home. Sounds good. Yeah. Is that Bobby De Niro over there? He's chilling. I want to thank you for calling me when you did or I wouldn't be here right now. A lot of guts. I'm sure there's some people out there who didn't appreciate it. No, it doesn't. The accent. No, not at all. Probably the same people who... I hate both of you. You give me a name and I can help you. I can't. They will kill me. Yeah, it is actually. I can't.

1:05:45They will kill me. Sounds like a good start. Yeah. Sounds like Edward Furlong. Yeah. In Terminator 2. I'm not just some little kid. You can't just do that. Can't just go around killing everyone. Not just how to make bombs, but how to bring this freedom fight home, stay alive, lift a fight another day, and not go strength against strength and take on the whole damn LVPD. You're just going to get us killed, kid. I'm not afraid. Listen, you're messing with the wrong people here, kid. You got to just relax, Justin. You're going to get somebody killed.

1:06:45And why do you talk that way? God, he's terrible. I was trying to get you to talk like Bieber. I'm not dying today. Don't quit on me. I was waiting for an open, yo. Throw your weapons out the window and step out of the car now. Got no choice. Look at all those guns. Shut up. Did anybody see it? Did you watch it? Me? I didn't know if you watched CSI. You're like Bieber's fan club president. Yeah. I am not Bieber's fan club president. Sienna loves Justin Bieber. Yeah, she loves Justin Bieber. I don't know anything about him. Nice Bieber. I have to admit that one gets me. I have to admit that one gets me. Nice Bieber. Scale of 1 to 10, how irritated will Woods be when he finds out what Paris Hilton had at her birthday party? I'll say a 12. And also when we come back, we will be doing the dead arm duel. We will be pulling. We'll have three names in the basket. Me, Woods, and Jay. First two names that come out participate in the dead arm duel. What's next? Make some noise in our live studio audience in here. Thank you so much to Extreme Pizza. Extreme.

1:09:26Not mainstream. They got three locations. They're in Point Loma, they're in La Jolla, and they're in Claremont Town Square. And you can find them online. Oh, my. ExtremePizza.com. Oh, is it good? Crazy flavors. I mean, mixtures and stuff. It's not like your normal pizza. No, it's good, man. It's really good. Fresh. Very, very fresh. Woodsy was talking about the Parmesan cheese. During a commercial break and didn't realize that his mic was on. Yep. If anyone heard that. Ever forget to turn your mic off after all? I turned it off. Uh-oh. Somebody turned it on. It was a ghost. Yeah. It was a ghost. Well, I was saying, I was remarking that I'm surprised that I like Parmesan cheese because I was sprinkling some of my pizza because it smells like feet. It does. And it stinks, but it's so good. Yeah, it is. Yeah. So I apologize to Parmesan cheese fans out there. Yeah.

1:10:27There's going to be a lot of bloggers, I'm sure, that are Parmesan. Garrett will probably get a couple emails today. Hey, Woods. Hey, Woods. Do me a favor. I don't talk about Parmesan anymore. Ixnay on the Armazon pants. It tastes good. I do like it. It's just stinky. Dear Woods, come into my office after the show. I'm going to rake you over the coals. I'd like to see that. That's right. I was supposed to have my meeting with him yesterday with our program director. We have a, is it a quarterly? Yes. Quarterly meeting with our boss, you know, see how we're doing, all that kind of stuff. And I didn't go because Ryan dislocated his arm. How'd you get out of it? I just told him I was tired, you know. Yeah, that'll do it. How much do you have to pay Ryan to dislocate his arm? I know it. What did he say? Hey, listen. That's fine. I just need to see an x-ray. No, Garrett. Let me see. I need a doctor's note. I need the meds prescribed. I need to see a picture of the dislocation. No chance. When you're swimming with your kid, he understands. He's overly cool about it. Very nice about it. So Paris Hilton had a birthday party, and I guess she wanted to do things a little bit differently.

1:11:55And so she decided that she was going to do what, Sienna? Have a petting zoo at her party. Have a petting zoo? Yeah, she had a... Grow up! It was her 30th birthday yesterday, so she had a Moulin Rouge-themed party at V-Moda Fortress in L.A. Wow. Yeah, there was a bunch of celebrities already there, obviously, that were there, and a petting zoo. And apparently it was taped because she has a reality show coming up. Does she really? On oxygen, yeah. Must miss. What is it? It's a reality show. I know, but I mean, does it... My life. It's just on your life. It's hot. Let's see. Here was Paris on Letterman. Does it cause you to be reflective? Does it cause you to ruminate? Does it cause you to be self-examining, the idea that you're now 30? It's exciting. I think the 30s are like the best two years. She's changed the voice. She does. She's got two voices. Yeah, but it sounds like she's dropped the cute one. The baby one. The baby voice is gone. She's now going with her normal voice. She's now 30, so she has to keep it, you know, real. More mature.

1:13:02More mature. I've accomplished so much at this age. Have you? So I'm excited. Any plans for the next decade in your life? Just continue doing my business and growing my empire. Empire. She does, right? You know what I am jealous of? She has a whole house for her dogs in her backyard. They have their own house. You're jealous of her? Yeah, it's cool. I've seen inside of it. Oh, wow. There's a chandelier hanging. No, there's not. That can't be true. That can't be true. I'll find pictures. Their house is nicer than mine. I'll find pictures. It is. It is. More square footage. It is. It's nice. Yeah. See, I was like, I've seen both. It's so much nicer. I'm telling you, it's insane. Ridiculous. Here's Dave asking more. Are you married? I'm in an amazing relationship. We're about to have our year anniversary. Oh, that's great. That'll last. Are you having sex? Duh. Oh, my gosh. Somebody stop me. He sounds like James. Old Dave, right? I was told this was a roast. Maybe I've gone too far. Oh, boy, Dave. That's Letterman. That's like old Letterman, man. Can I tell you a little bit about our doghouse? Sure.

1:14:24I just Googled it. The first thing that came up is Paris Hilton's doghouse could be better than yours. I bet it is. Guaranteed. It's worth $325,000. It's two stories. Holy. It's many. It's many. I have a picture of it. How many? It's. Like probably eight feet tall. Does it give square footage? That's 325,000? 300 square feet? Jake could build that in the afternoon. 300 square feet for $300,000. Yeah, that's my first apartment. Yeah, there's a crystal chandelier, clay tile roof, copper gutters. Dogs even have a closet and a downstairs living room, which is exactly better than most people's wardrobe. Their clothes were designed by... Doggy products. Listen to these names. Jimmy Choo, Pada, Sniffiny & Co. Chewy Baton. It belongs to... She has 17 chihuahuas in one palm ring. 17. Worse than me. I'm a novice. M1 Christine from Mission Valley. What was the word of the day? That is correct. Hang on the line.

1:15:38You have won a $50 gift certificate to the ski and snowboard mega sale. Also a pair of tickets to go see the AMA series race at Qualcomm. And that's happening tomorrow. And an entire case of chocolate muscle milk in a muscle milk prize pack. How about that? You ready to do the Dead Arm Challenge? Oh, yeah. Yes. Dead Arm Duel. Let me pick a name since you're playing Woods. Yeah. All I'm doing is shuffling. I'm going to pick. Two names. There's three names in there. Me, Jay, and Woods. Are there? Name number one for the dead arm duel is Mike. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. Mike. I knew it. Come on, man. Name number two. Bring me the basket. Woods, thank you. This is like tape shut. Don't be Jay. Check the other name. I will right now. Because Jay said, I don't think I'm going to be in it. That little... Oh, wow. It says Jay. It says Jay. Wow. Good news? We don't have to get punched by Jay today. Yeah, there you go. I think you should, though. You guys, you know, you still love each other. You're going to be friends after this, no matter how hard a punch. All right, here's how you play the dead arm duel. Woods looks relieved, Mike. I am. I am. I'm sorry. He punches real hard. He punches really hard. He got me so good yesterday. Yeah.

1:17:18Do I need to take this ring off? Yeah, take your ring off. Put down your brass knuckles, too. Yeah, take your watch off, too. It's like four pounds. He doesn't punch with that hand. Doesn't matter. All right. All right. L.O.B., here's how it works. L.O.B. is going to give us a question. Whoever comes closest to the question is the winner and doesn't have to take the punch. They get to be the puncher. No looking at my paper would. I didn't. Cheater. Did he? No. All right. Scout's honor. Okay. So who's going to answer first for the first question? I will. I'll defer. Age before beauty. Question number one. Aren't we both going to answer it? But someone gets to go first, and then you can't pick that person's answer. Got it. Okay. How many Oscar nominations has Tom Cruise had? That is good. That is such a good question. That is real good. I'm going to say. That he has had two. Woods, I'm going to say zero. Correct answer is three. Three nominations. Mikey gets to punch him. Dammit! Punch him in the face, Mikey. Punch him in the face. Not in the face. You need to bare that skin. Pull your shirt up. Is that mic up? Loud? Yeah. Crank. And you're going to turn the mic up. You need to hear this punch. How do you feel right now, Woods? Nervous. I hate this crap.

1:18:55Easy. You can't run into it. You can't run into it. Roll up your sleeve, Wood. You were running like a kid who can't run into it. Here it comes. Here we go. Come on. Put your arm down. Oh, yeah. Oh, that was a good one. Bam! Same spot as Jay did yesterday. Wow. There's more. All right. I love this. Okay. Weds gets to go this time. All right. Question number two. When was Rush's debut album released? What year? Son of a... Man. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Damn it. Weds gets to go, right? Yeah. Self-titled album. It can't be what I think it is. It can't be. It can't be what I think it is. 78. Okay. 1974. Correct answer. 1974. Wow. Oh, boy. Nothing like being black and blue all weekend. Oh, man. He came running up at him again. Okay, stay on two feet ready. I'm scared. I'm so scared. One, two, three. Oh, my God.

1:20:22Do it right. I missed. I didn't move. He just, like, punched his wrist. He punched my forearm bone. Who punches his wrist? No. I think the countdown made him nervous. Yeah, don't count down. Yeah, don't. Oh! That was a good one. It's like Fight Club. Yeah, it is like Fight Club. It's like Fight Club. First rule. Maybe I get one shot. We have one more question. Question number three, and Mike, you go first. Okay. How old is Drew Barrymore? Oh, my gosh. Son of a... I don't know. I don't know. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Any day now. She is 38 years old. What? She is 40. Oh, wow. She is 35. That's what I was going to guess. Really? Yes! 40? Wow. Why would you switch arms? I did. Oh, you did. I did. Oh, gosh. Mike's getting ready. He's lining up. Ready. No talking during the punching. No, he's doing the crane style. Karate Kid.

1:22:15That was a good one. It was low. Mikey punched him in the kneecap. Oh, look. You can see the print. That'd be in the back. You can see the print. You're a good sport, Woods. Woods has gotten punched so many times. I really like this game. You didn't get punched. It's fantastic. It makes me really nervous. I'm not even playing. I know. Me too. My heart was beating so fast every time she asked a question. Did you get nervous? Yes. Oh, wow. I hate questions. You throw trivia at me, I can get you, but the dates and stuff, forget it. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, when you said yes, because I had this idea, I'm like, okay, so my idea is for, you know, Jay and Woods. And Woods is like, no, you do it too. I'm like, okay, fine. And I'm like, I'm going to be terrible at this. I'm going to be terrible because I'm the same as Woods. Poor Woods. I don't want to get hit in the arm, man. He got punched real good. Three times. And then twice yesterday. Woods. Woods. Think about it this way. It could have been Jay. Oh, my God. If it was Jay, I'd be on the ground. He punches so hard. He got two yesterday from Jay. One to show him how to play, one to cut the promo. You know what I'll do? I'll let you come in and punch me in the arm just once so people can hear it. Really? Yeah. It hurts.

1:23:39Why would you do that? Because I want people out there to know. I think you might be a masochist. I want people out there to know what it sounds like. He's a good on-air personality. Like yesterday. No worse than yesterday. No worse than yesterday. Okay. Did I say it? Did I say it? Did I say it? I didn't finish it. You did. You did. You did. I had to hit the button on Woods because he said the S word. Oh, my gosh. Ready? In the fetal position. Are you okay? Your arm is so red. That hurt me. Is it Tara? Is it Tara? Tara, come with the microphone. How... I want... Because you're a witness. You were here. How gruesome did that look and sound? I was afraid there might be spray. Yeah. Yeah. You were in the splash there. I almost dropped an MF just now. That would have been bad. I can't believe you swore. I didn't mean to. I was so nervous. I believe you.

1:24:47I would have probably too. It's terrifying. He packs such a punch, dude. I don't ever want to lose to Jay. Never. I don't ever want to lose to Jay. Maybe you guys just never put his name in the basket. It's me and you every weekend. Two mics. One of these days, maybe we have the girl challenge. No, we're not going to punch each other. We'll do something else. It basically looks like how I punch. You punch pretty good. You have like ham fists. Your ham fist covers my tiny little bicep and tricep. Oh, man. I said yesterday, I go... What would happen if Jay gave a dead arm to Lauren? And he goes, it would probably kill her. It would probably kill her. She'd fall. She'd fall down. Oh, yeah. I think it might break your arm because you have like a chicken bone in there. You know what I mean? Girls, they got to... No, I don't mean it like... You know what I mean. Oh, my gosh. My heart's pounding for you guys. It sucks.

1:26:04Sucks. Maybe don't make me hit the button again. Sorry. It's all right. Sorry. He was trying to do good for the show. When I saw him walk up and gear up, I went, oh, S. Oh, yeah. I couldn't believe you said it. I didn't mean to. Let me tell you. You're so nerve wracking. He has. Jay, pull your T-shirt up and just flex. No, no, no. I mean the bicep. Look at that. Wow. That's a 47-year-old dude. That guy will throw down. He's a 47-year-old dude that moves blocks of cement. Yeah, builds his own stone wall. Yeah. He doesn't make his head any bigger. Can't get any bigger. And I'll tell you something. When you go out with him surfing, the hardest part about surfing is the paddling. Contrary to what people think, it's not standing up on the board. It's the paddling through the waves. I would look up, and he'd be 70 yards ahead of me. We left at the same time, and he's just bam, bam, bam. Yeah, I was. He did good. And he can paddle. I mean, it's his arms. He's been doing it for years. He's a really strong dude. Sienna, tell us that thing. Sienna had a thing yesterday. I said, save it for the radio. Tell us the thing about why a dude has not proposed yet. You got like a thing, right?

1:27:17There's an article. Yeah, I want to see if this would be, I'll bet you this. I'll bet you, I don't know how many things are listed, but I would probably say that me as a guy, maybe one of them will pertain to me. I believe that I am more accepting of things that bother other guys. Okay. Now, I couldn't print this, so I have to go off the computer. All right. Why he hasn't proposed yet. Number one. His parents' marriage didn't make it. Oh, okay. So he's kind of, you know. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I see more. That would be your mic's on. I know, but your mic is on. No, no, no, no. I was just saying, I've seen that. A lot of people can hear you. Speaking in generalities. Yeah. Another reason why he hasn't proposed yet, he's focusing on his career. A lot of men want to be established before they propose. I said that from the get-go. That is a big thing with men. You disagree with me, and I say that it is. I think that's lame sauce. Yeah, that is lame sauce. You work together towards a goal. Listen. I quit. I mean, really? With that? What? With that bit? Dude, it's true. I felt that way.

1:28:32I had to be established before I was ready to get married because I didn't want to be the guy struggling. Yeah. Like I don't struggle now. I believe that you use that bit, but I don't believe that it's – No, it's true. It's really true. It's pride. Agree, men are prideful. Yeah. Very prideful. A lot of people when they get married, the next step is to buy a house because you don't want to be renting when you're married. You want to start your family then and you want to own a property. Right. Well, so is that to say that you – one of the requirements for marriage – No. Not a requirement. It's not a requirement. A man feel better. It's just old school. When I first started dating Matt, he was like, I didn't feel like I had enough money to date you. And I was like, what does that mean? I'm super low maintenance. He's like, well, because he wants to pay for everything. When we go out to dinner, do whatever he wants to pay. And he was like, I mean, it costs money to date. Here's my problem with it. Woods just said, it means something to a guy. Well, great. But there's more than just you involved. There's a chick involved, too. Well, right. But two people shouldn't get married unless they're both ready. And until a guy, in my case, I know, established himself in the workforce and became a provider, a person that could provide, I didn't want to do that. I didn't want my wife to be like, you know, like worried about our finances and stuff. That's cool. That's me being chauvinistic. Yeah, yeah. Just don't start dating until you're there. Oh, really? Yeah. Otherwise.

1:29:55What you're doing is you're just wasting someone's time. No, I'm dating her. We're getting to know each other. Oh, well, then why don't you propose? So I should meet a girl, like her, propose that night? No, no, no. Not that night. Not that night. The next night? No. Six weeks? Nope. What's a reasonable amount of time? When I'm ready is when they're reasonable. What's a reasonable amount of time? When I'm ready. I'd say two years. B.S. I've dated girls for two years I wasn't going to marry. See, I've seen these dudes that are like six years into a relationship and they're like, I just need to get established. Dude, it's true. It's true. Let me, okay, I got a hypothetical. I would say after two is when it should, I don't think it, I don't like early proposals either. I say after two years, you know each other real well. I got a hypothetical for you. You've been in, how long have you been in this market? In San Diego? San Diego. On the radio. 15 years. Right. If you were still the type of disc jockey, disc jockey, that had to travel around the country and work in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and you wouldn't want to subject a woman to that yet. You want to get yourself established, get your feet on the ground. I'm subjecting her to that now. Yeah. Why? And she's okay with it because they're dating. Yeah. Well, no. You're married now. I'm subjecting it to her now.

1:31:10And we're married. So what's the difference between being married now or being married back then? You make your major market. You make some good money now. You're not worried about the, hey, babe, we may get moved to Dubuque, Iowa. But if I meet the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with, my geographical location isn't going to matter to her or me. But your financials will is what I'm saying. And you need to be established, A, before you can afford a ring. Be before you can afford a family. Well, then I shouldn't be. I should wait. So you just don't date anybody. No, maybe I'm selfish and I date people. And knowing that you may fall in love, but I may not be to that major market for another eight years. But I'll put them through that. That's not selfish, though. Dating somebody is not selfish. The girl is with the guy. Not about if you have to move, she'll probably go with you if you're worth it. She doesn't care about that. She just wants to be with you. It doesn't have to be a lot of money. Women hate money and security. I know that for a fact. Girls hate security. When a woman marries a man, she's like, I hope he's the most.

1:32:17non-secure person financially that I've ever met. They don't say that, but they let their heart outweigh their brain sometimes. Yes. Kim and I were water skiing when I proposed to her. We were water skiing. Yeah, that was 1856 when things came. In 1856, water skis, first of all, were made of water. You could get a hotel room for a nickel when you proposed. The worst places to live. She stuck with me the whole time. Jay, you had the most lavish wedding there was, and it cost 48 cents. Back then. Back then. And that was an extravagant wedding. It was way over the top. Oh, yeah. I mean, first of all, it was in the middle of a lake that was dug and built for the purpose of the wedding. By Jay. By Jay. You do what you can. They rented a dragon. The dragon was there. Honeymoon down by the river walk in San Antonio. That's right. Well, they bought the river walk for $78. They dug the river walk. I dug it. Another reason he hasn't proposed yet, he's afraid of boredom. He's afraid of boredom? Same old girl, same old routine.

1:33:21Same old crackers every day. Being single can be boring, too. Well, here's the thing. I mean, that's just a fact that you can't get past. You know, the fact that you cannot get past is that you are going to have one flavor of M&Ms the rest of your life. But there's a way to make the M&M keep its flavor. Dip it in peanut butter. Yeah. Dip it in peanut butter. Put it on ice cream instead of just by itself. You got it. Put it in a cookie. That's right. Okay. Yeah. Melt it down. Melt it down. Do all kinds of stuff. He may not have proposed yet because he's turned off by weddings. A lot of men think the whole wedding industry makes him a way of marriage. That's a plebeian bit. Oh, I hate weddings. I don't want to get married. What are we going to do? Are we going to have bridesmaids and who will be our ring bearer? Yes, a white dress. Oh, how cliche and passe. Here comes the bride. Yes, we're going to play Here Comes the Bride. What would you play at your wedding if you got married? Probably The Tramps, first record. As she walked down the aisle? Yes. The Tramps? Well, I still know John, so I'd probably have John talk to the rest of the band and see if they could come and play. That'd be pretty rad. Yes. Interview with a plebeian. Thank you very much. Plebeian gets married with their family there.

1:34:43By a pastor or a priest. This is ridiculous. Probably some sort of really flower girl or something. Who would marry you? A dictionary. Interesting. Think about it. I did. That makes no sense. Probably because you can't wrap your mind around it philosophically. Well, a book can't legally marry somebody. Can it? Can't it. Oh, wow. You. Of the biggest plebeian I've ever met in my entire life. Fair enough. When we come back, we will hear more of the reasons. Oops, what happened? Weird, weird, weird, weird, weird, weird, weird, weird. You should get to punch him in the arm for that. 100%. There you go. Anytime he forgets to fast forward. That sounds fair. That's fair. I will make that agreement.

1:35:38if Woods doesn't ever do anything that will distract me. You know both will happen. I will do that again. Do you ever get distracted by stuff very easily? Yes. And I also forget to put the CD forward. We're even then. Make some noise in here. I can't lift my arm. Does it hurt bad? You're going to have some new options in terms of your relationship status on Facebook pretty soon. You want to know what they are? We'll tell you next. Let's make some noise in here. We got a live studio audience. Get back to that list of reasons that guys don't propose to girls in just a second. First, Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, if you haven't been watching the TV this morning. Everywhere they're showing footage of thousands and thousands of sharks in South Florida and Palm Beach. It's the creepiest thing in the world. The water is crystal clear. I need to see.

1:37:15It looks like ants at an ant farm or something like that. Everywhere. Also, this is a pretty crazy story. Wednesday night, a 63-year-old woman is coming to town to visit from Oklahoma, lands at the airport, gets a rental car, 2009 Hyundai Accent, and apparently when she was leaving downtown, her GPS told her to turn left, which is where the train tracks were, and then she got stuck in the train tracks. She is fine now. Everything's okay. She had to jump out of her car, and her car got hit by the train. apparently oh wow yeah and uh but she's fine but she is blaming it all on the gps yeah you know that the gps told her to turn how is she supposed to know that she couldn't turn down there it was dark it was rainy it was on wednesday when it was raining wouldn't have happened if it would have been our tom tom girl i never would have done that mikey you know better than that you're a good GPS device. I know this city like the back of my hand. That is correct. And that's why Woods used you for a long time. Still do. Used me and then threw me away. You're still in my car. Like yesterday's news. Yeah, you never use her anymore. I do. You know how to get places now. But with my new league, we have different fields. So I still use her on Sundays. That's true. Where on the street is he's looking into a Garmin. I am not looking into a Garmin. That is word on the street. I still love you. Hey.

1:38:36Wow Woods. Sorry. Bottles there. Everybody leave me alone. Okay. All right. Hi. Hi. What's going on in sports? Mikey, I want you to tell me what's going on in sports. I don't understand the Daytona 500. Okay? I've researched. I've looked at articles. I've read all the articles. I don't understand. Let me explain. Kick ass. Let me explain. Okay. Let me finish. Go ahead. Easy, Chris Berman. Dale Earnhardt Jr. goes out last week and he wins the pole. Yes. Okay? Drives real fast. Yeah. Around the thing. Yeah. Wins the pole. Around the thing. The next day, he's driving around the thing. Yeah. And it had been raining a little bit and he wrecked his car. He was practicing. Right. And they said, no, no, you're done. You don't get the pole anymore. Yeah. But he was just practicing. Yeah. So then, Kurt Busch won two races that they had there this week.

1:39:34And now he's on the pole. Why are they having races before the big race, and why would they risk wrecking the car? Just to practice? I guess it was a qualifying practice. But they'd already qualified for the pole. They did the thing around the thing. They had already done the thing? Yeah, and he lost. He won the pole, then he lost the pole. So he's not on the pole anymore. There you go. All right. That's the Daytona fight. You get it? You understand what I was talking about, didn't you? No, no. Yes, you did. When you said the thing and the thing and Mike said the thing, then I was. But I love you. When you're dealing with the thing and you want to do the thing. Also, one more quick story. My favorite person in the world, Michael Vick, has canceled his appearance on the Oprah Winfrey show. Really? He was scheduled to be on there to talk about all his great work with the Humane Society and his time in prison and the incident that got him in trouble. And he canceled. And I got to tell you.

1:40:36You don't cancel on Oprah. She'll kill you. Yeah, she's going to kill him. She's going to kill him. He's going to be, if possible, even more vilified than he already is by a lot of people. Mostly women. Yeah. He'll be shamed. He'll be on the show. He bailed. I guarantee. She'll get him. You know why he's not going on the show, though? He's scared. Because people said, she'll get you. She's going to get you. Ask James Fry about how that worked. The guy that wrote Million Little Peas. She'll get his home phone number and she'll call him. She'll shame him. You killed a dog! You killed a dog! Wow, you're pointing and screaming. He's shouting. Woods is shouting. So, good move, Mike. He's toast. Extreme Pizza, we want to thank you for coming in today and bringing some delicious pizza. They're in Point Loma, La Jolla. They are in Claremont Town Square. And they have a website, ExtremePizza.com. Really, really good stuff. How many did you get down? I got down four. Four? Wow. I did too. I never thought I could eat pizza at 7 a.m., but with extreme pizza, I can. That's fantastic. Why don't we pull the curtain back a little bit? Delicious. I'm going to pull the curtain back, Sienna. Okay, I don't even know what's going on. Well, last week when we had pizza, Woods, and I'm telling you, it was almost like seeing Mr. Woods because he did it in such a charming... He turns around and he goes...

1:42:04Couldn't imagine eating pizza at 7 o'clock in the morning. He says that to one of our guests. Oh, yeah. Last week. Last week. Then this morning, we had pizza, and he turns around to one of our guests, and he goes, Couldn't imagine eating pizza at 7 o'clock in the morning. It's okay, Woods. We do have some of our go-to things. Ella B couldn't help herself. She goes, Weird. She goes, You ever see the same line on people? She goes, Is that your new bit? I said line. I said, Is that your new line? Is that your new line? Poor guy. She's an elephant. She remembers everything. You walked out of here, I go, how did you remember that he did that? She goes, because it sounded like a dad. Because she's deranged. No, I'm not. It was so dad-like that I looked over and was like, nerd. And so when he said it again, I was like, nerd. Hard to believe eating pizza at 7 in the morning.

1:42:55That's not what I said. I said, did you ever imagine you could eat pizza at 7 o'clock in the morning? But once you get in here, you're so hungry. You've been up for so long. Next week, we'll have ribs. They'll be like, did you ever imagine? It's okay. I say the same things, too. I'm mortified right now. I'm mortified. I'm better than that. I'm Gallagher right now. You're Gallagher. Might as well just bring a watermelon and a big sledgehammer in here next week. All the top comedians out there are just doing the same bit over and over. That's right. Listen, you don't fix it. If it ain't broke. It kills every week. And I've said it, L.O.B., what you don't know, I've said it probably 30 weeks out of the 50 weeks we've been on the air. I've heard it other times. But yeah, then he says it to the person. They've got the obligatory. I can't eat pizza now. It's good. Kill me.

1:43:48All right, Sienna, give me the rest of these. Okay, we have a list. Why he hasn't proposed yet. I'm just going to go back really quick. His parents' marriage didn't make it. He's focused on his career. He's afraid of boredom is what we've said so far. He's turned off by weddings. And now, why he hasn't proposed yet, he's not ready to be a dad. A lot of guys think that, you know, once you get married, that means family time. You shouldn't be marrying anybody that wants kids if you don't. But maybe they don't want them right away. Like Brad Pitt. Shouldn't be marrying a woman. You shouldn't be marrying a woman that doesn't want kids right away. Like Brad Pitt. Or that does want kids right away if you don't. You shouldn't even be getting that far. You shouldn't be with that person. Even if she says she doesn't, guys are like, they think that there's going to be some big overhaul trickery that happens once the ceremony's over. I agree. And I think that that does. I kind of think that happens with both of us, men and women. We somehow think, eh, that'll probably change. It doesn't change. Then we get mad. Guys also think they're like, well, she's sane now, but as soon as we get married, life's over. Well, she's a woman, so you know she's going to change her mind eventually, right? Oh, boy. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. That was a good laugh. Big one. He's not done sowing his wild oats, so he's not done being with other women. You're going out, but he's not done having sex with other women.

1:45:13Well, he's, you know, in their every, not every man, but a lot of men's minds when they get married is, wow, this is the last woman I'm going to be with. Imagine that. A girl goes, listen, I don't want to pressure you. I just, I kind of want to talk about our future, marriage, that kind of thing. Babe, listen, I would love to marry you. The truth of the matter is, I really want to have intercourse with a lot of other women before we get to that point. Well, he won't say it. No, that's what I'm saying. I'm a slayer. That's what I do. Listen. I need, I'm just going to throw a number out there. Probably eight to nine more women. Yeah. Now, after that. Call it an even dozen. Wiener time. Twelve. Okay. As soon as I work through, let's just say a baker's dozen, just to be fair. Baker's dozen. Baker's dozen. They call it a woods' dozen. Woods' dozen. They don't. That's 14. They don't. With donuts, they call it. Even donuts. But as soon as I'm done with that, then definitely propose, you know. Another reason why he hasn't proposed yet, he's afraid he'll have to give up on his dreams. Like, maybe he wants to travel and do all this. Be an astronaut and stuff. Go on tour. Yeah, be an astronaut. Go to space when your wife gets shot in the head. Stuff like that. That's a dream, you know? Well, kind of is. Well, yeah, your wife gets shot in the head and you're like, take it up to space. Listen, Woods. Representative Gifford is talking about. Gifford is fine. You can go to space every weekend. Why not? She's good. She's fine. You can get shot in the head every weekend, too. And live.

1:46:39She's doing great. That's a relative term. I saw her hiking up Mount Soledad last weekend. So in other words, she's got to be hiking up Mount Soledad in order for him to be able to go? She's got to be able to take care of herself. Really? Because there's no one else here. No one that could give her the undying love that her husband, who has pledged his life to her. Another reason he hasn't proposed. Sickness and in health. Sickness and in health. Let him believe his life. Another reason he hasn't proposed is he can't afford the ring. Yep. Oh, that's the worst. Of all of the ones that you've gone through yet, that one kills me. Why? I feel like that's the one that makes more sense. Yeah. I can't afford the ring? Yeah. How about you just get something? How about you get something for now? Girls love the ring. My spending the rest of my life with a woman that I realize I want to spend the rest of my life with? has everything to do with the monetary amount of a ring. Well, come back from fantasy land, first of all, and know that you can't just give some girl... I didn't. Oh, really? Dude, when I proposed to Rebecca, I didn't have dough. Did it look like that? Let me see. Was this the gold band? No. A thin gold band? I got her a woman's ring. Try that move. What do you mean? Try that move. What move? That move, giving her something real small and cheap. A cracker jackpot. I would want a ring that I would have forever. I don't want to...

1:48:04really upgrade. I mean, I don't want to upgrade it or anything. That's how most women feel. That's what men think. Okay. Well, imagine if the man that you fall in love with is not the kind of guy that's going to, you know, he's got a good job and everything, but he can't afford to get a real nice ring. Well, then that's fine. That's not the man. That's the ring I'm going to keep. But I don't want him to buy some cheap one and be like, oh, this is just for now. You know, this isn't the main one. I want it to be the main one. Listen. If it's small, it's small. It's fine. Some guy can save a little dough and have enough dough to get a ring that looks nice. I made payments. Yeah, make payments. I mean, that is a fake bit. Not if you're broke or unemployed. Yeah, if you're broke or unemployed. Yeah, so that goes back to the being ready. If you're broke and unemployed, you're having a hard time buying groceries. Right, but there's a lot of people right now that are just living paycheck to paycheck. I don't think it's a fake bit. I don't think it's fake. I don't think that people that are living paycheck to paycheck are under any obligation to buy any ring at all. But if you're in a situation where you want to propose to somebody.

1:49:12You're going to propose. There's a lot of people in San Diego living paycheck to paycheck. Yeah. It's an expensive place to live. I used to live paycheck. When I proposed to Rebecca, I was living paycheck to paycheck. So how did you get a ring? I financed it. Yeah, me too. Like most credit. Maybe guys don't know this. Maybe you need to put that out there for them. The financing? Yeah, you got to have good credit too, which a lot of people don't. Yeah. I mean, Rebecca's ring was not. It was about to check. Nothing spent. Oh, wow. Another reason he hasn't proposed yet. Yes. Men are apparently afraid that marriage will change you. That's why he doesn't want to propose. Meaning like. Change her or change him. Maybe both. But mainly her because, you know, he thinks the mystery is going to be gone. And that you're going to turn into like a mag. Like stop shaving and just be like. I'm never going to have to shave or wax again. Every time Jay plays that clip of Lauren, her face goes from joyful to just complete sorrow. Gigantic. Yeah, sign me up for that. These are clips of Lauren recording a commercial that Jay found.

1:50:27Imagine Jay's face when he realized, I should do this, and then he loaded him. It's the worst audio in the system. Yeah, sign me up for that. I'm never going to have to shave or wax again. There's something wrong with the mic that I recorded on. Oops, wrong one. I'm an old man now. Is that it? Yeah. Let's see. 5701949 is our phone number. We're going to have some new options in terms of... Our relationship status on Facebook. What does that mean? Well, we already Facebook announced yesterday that they're going to be adding two more options when, you know, you can do in a relationship, married, single. Don't forget about it's complicated. Yeah, it's complicated. It's a good choice to put up on Facebook. Yeah. Well, now they want to include everyone. So they've added in a civil union and in a domestic partnership. Yeah.

1:51:23They made that announcement yesterday. It said it is now available in U.S., Canada, U.K., France, Australia. How about we're about to break up? Yeah. It's complicated. We are on our last legs. Yeah. Why would you ever click on it's complicated? You have to be in high school. Oh, no, you don't. No, you don't. Craig Gass had it's complicated for a long time. He sure did. But he was trying to be funny. No, he wasn't. No, he wasn't. It was complicated. It's complicated. And he wanted the world to know it. Why does everyone else need to know that? She had it's complicated, too. Oh, well, of course, because he did. But it also... No, they weren't... Haven't you ever been in one of those relationships where you're like, what are we right now? I don't know where we are. Then just leave it blank. Leave it blank or put single. Don't put it's complicated because then you're letting everyone know that your relationship's messed up. No, no, no. I think maybe you're letting everybody know that they can swoop in and you're heart can be had. That's so lame. Exactly. It's playing a game. But you're not single. No, you're not playing a game. It's a game. Is it or is it not complicated? The option to leave it blank is there for you. Yeah, but that's not the truth. That leaves just as much mystery. I have a relationship status. Yeah, but I can leave it blank. I'll be the complicated guy. I have a relationship status. I'm dating Sienna, but it's complicated. She won't acknowledge that we're dating. Well, then you're single. Then you're single. Well, wait a minute, though. But, you know, we act like a dating couple, you know?

1:52:45Is it that important for you to have your Facebook status update? No, it's not. Well, how about you? You have a Facebook status update. For a long, long time, I just had a blank. No, you're supposed to be person that has. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah, but I'm in a relationship. Okay, so am I. And I'm trying to identify. I am. I'm trying to identify what kind of relationship I'm in. See, if I say in a relationship, that's not necessarily true. But it's also not true if I say single. I'm kind of in this place with her. Why don't you just wait until it gets there then? I'm kind of in this place with her. It's complicated. Put free to slay. If you and I were dating, Mike, and you put it's complicated, I'd be like, peace. I'm done. But what? You're a jerk. Okay, but wait a minute. You know what? What if you're in one of those relationships where you break up, get back together, break up, get back together, break up, get back together. Stay broken up. Yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah. Not that easy. Yeah. But OK. Just leave it blank. Don't need to put anything. 5701949. It's complicated. Like, oh, look at me. Pay attention to me. My relationships. I can slay you if I want to. I need therapy. So remember the woman that was reporting from the Grammys, that blonde lady reporting from the Grammys?

1:53:56She started slurring. People thought she had a stroke live on TV. She didn't, but they know what it was now. We'll tell you next. How Woods did the lightning out of the fingers. Let's see. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, Bo Diddley. You're it. Bo Diddley is a gunslinger. It's the name of the album. So that will be some good stuff. L-O-B. So. The blonde woman that was reporting from the Grammys that had slurred speech.

1:55:10People even thought that maybe the deal was that she had a stroke live on TV. It turns out that was not what happened, right? Yeah, her name is Serene Branson. She was examined by paramedics after the episode. She went home, someone drove her home, and then she later underwent a brain scan that ruled out the stroke. Doctors actually said instead that she suffered a type of migraine, which can sometimes mimic the symptoms of a stroke. Now, I've had a bad migraine before, but nothing like that. She said she actually felt numbness on the right side of her. face that affected her speech. And apparently she's had migraines since she was a kid, but never anything like that. Here is the audio of it happening. Good evening, everyone. I'm Pat Harvey. And I'm Paul Majors. Country trio Lady Antebellum was the big winner tonight with five Grammy Awards. Rapper Eminem, The Big Shocker, winning only two despite ten nominations. CBS 2's Serene Branson is live at the Staples Center with highlights and backstage coverage we're seeing for the very first time. Serene. Well, a very, very heavy vertation tonight. We had a very Darison bite. Let's go to Terry's English for the bit. They had the pet. Wow. That was a migraine. I'd never heard that audio because I wasn't here. Holy cow. Yeah, it's pretty wild. Pretty crazy. That is sad. You know what's weird is the first reports came out and they said, you know, did she have a stroke? And everyone said that she said that she was fine. Yeah. And people had to convince her to get another ride home.

1:56:37But, I mean, if something was wrong, wouldn't she say, my head's really hurting? I feel numbness because now that's what they're saying. I know. It seems very strange. Very weird. For people that don't know, after the Today Show is over, for an hour, Kathie Lee Gifford and a woman named Yoda do a show. What's that? Hoda. Hoda. It's Yoda. I thought it was Yoda. It's Yoda. Help you, I will. Do today's show. Of course, you guys would say that. The Force is strong in this one. Poor woman. Wow. Like when Jay does voices. I did too. Yeah, me too. Force is strong with you, it is. Kill you, I will. That was good. Come right in there, man. You saw Jay punch earlier. I can be aggressive behind this voice icon. That's right. I get real crazy with this, bro. Passive-aggressive I am. Minus passive. Some I will get. Beaver nice. Wiener time it is. So anyway, Hoda. Yoda.

1:58:01They were doing the show and they got this glass window behind them and some kid. They were actually at a book signing. Same thing. Except completely different. It's fine. It's okay. That's not the point. They wrote a book together? Apparently. Yoda and Kathy. So Hoda was talking about this and these girls came to the book signing and they approached her with a sign that said 10 reasons to date our dad. It had a whole list. And so I guess she saw it. She agreed to meet their dad. These random listeners. Desperate I am. Actually went on a blind date with them and they've been like. together for a while. Made love we did. For four months they've been dating. Maybe I didn't take it. Maybe I did. Oh my god. Take it too far you guys do. She said you never know where you'll find love and you know what? They were right. They gave the ten reasons to date our dad and he was, you know, four months they've been dating. Out of control you were.

1:59:15Too strict you are. Relax your spanker. Oh. Holy crap. That was very intense. That was very intense. Really. What's a spanker? I'll show you. He probably read about it. Hey, Mike, why don't you relax your spanker? He probably looked up ways to say dirty words medically. Yeah, Mike, he probably read about it. In Maximum Magazine. He said yesterday. He said Maximum. He goes, you guys know Maximum Magazine? And we go, are you kidding? It was off the air. You can't make these things up. I mean, it's gold. It's gold. Maximum. Maximum enjoyment. It's just Maxim, Jay. One of the seventh wonders of the world is the Spanx. Yeah. The Spanx.

2:00:11The spankster. Relax your spankster. Maximum magazine I read. It wasn't even backwards. Relax your spankster. No more. Please read something sad. Oh my god. So what's the weirdest way you've ever been set up, Sienna? Have you been set up in a weird way before? Yeah. My grandma. Your grandma did it? My grandma had never been in a car accident or a crash or anything, and she rear-ended this guy in a BMW in the Vons parking lot. And this was years ago, and she got his business card, and she said how he was so cute, and he would love my granddaughter. And I met him one time after that. She gave you his business card? Yeah, and had a picture, and he was a good-looking guy. So I was like, maybe. Did you call him? He called me. Wow. My grandma set this whole thing up. It was humiliating. She gave him your number? Yeah. Wow. Because that's how grandmas are. Yeah. You would love my granddaughter. But he didn't know what you look like? No. Guys are. Mm-hmm.

2:01:26Pigs. Pigs. We don't care. We don't care. We don't care. That's a hot lead to him. He's like, I've never even seen her. BMW X5 SUV. Brand new. My grandma was like, he's sharp. He's a real estate agent. And I was like, let me see the picture. Saw the picture. I was like, I'm kind of on board with this. And I actually, I was a nanny at the time. And so I met him at the beach near my house with the little kid. Prefer protection. Well, yeah, just in case. No, just like for awkwardness. There was like a distraction, a distraction of a little kid and a reason to leave. Is this your kid? No, I said what I did. And he was just awkward. And I just never talked to him. I think it's kind of awkward to meet at the beach when you're with the girl. When you've never met. Hey, let's go to the beach. So, yeah, your grandma rear-ended me. I talked to him on the phone. He seemed normal. If he's listening now, please call in. I go to the beach. I got to show that, you know, at the beach. I don't want to do that. No, we were not wearing bathing suits or anything. It was just during the day. He's in a suit. You show up in a suit? At the beach. He's like, hey, let me loosen my tie. He was wearing a tie. He was? He wasn't on the sand. Freaking awkward, Sienna. He was trying to look sharp.

2:02:39Where were you guys? Were you on the sidewalk? Yeah. Oh, wow. It's San Diego. Why don't you just invite him to a funeral? Make it more awkward. Good Lord. Hey, meet me at the mausoleum. I want to meet you. You know what? I'm going to be visiting my great grandfather's grave today. It's the third urn on the right. Oh, my gosh. I don't know. I never thought I would do anything like that, and he said the same thing. We had talked on the phone. He seemed cool, but then he was just very awkward in person. Did you guys talk again after that? No. He texted me a couple days later, and I just never fade away. Fade away. Call us, by the way, if you've ever been set up in a weird way. Ever been set up with someone in a weird way? 570-1949. Anybody else? Anybody in the room? Somebody tried to set me up, but it didn't work out, though. I met this couple on the plane and she talked to me the entire cross-country flight and then made me give her my email address. Made you? She did. Did you put a gun to your head? No, but she was just like, come on, just give it to me. Give me your email address. It doesn't mean any harm. And then the guy emailed me with a picture. He wasn't. Oh, wow. What was he to her? Her son. It was her son? Yeah. My mom set me up once. Kept her out all night the first night that I met her.

2:04:03And her parents were furious. I bet. Dropped her off at 6.30 the next morning. What? Way to make a good impression. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Like the basketball swish. Kobe. Actually, we should probably do this. Slam dunk. 100. How old were you? I was 22. How old was she? 20. How'd your mom meet her? Mom met her at church. Why would she have dropped off at her parents' house? She lived with her parents. You brought a church girl home at 6 o'clock in the morning. Stop smiling. You're a nightmare. You're a nightmare. You're a nightmare. 570-1949. That's a true story. I met a lot of girls on AOL. Oh, boy. How many? What? How many did you meet on AOL? I forgot what we were talking about. Girls online that you met. A lot. A lot. More than 10? Yes. More than 20? No. Did you meet them in person or just in the chat room? Probably. No, not more than 20. How many did you meet in person? Oh, I met them. Oh, all of them. I met them. Wow. That's impressive, actually. Yeah, I met them. What was your go-to line? It wasn't. I was always clever.

2:05:46That was my deal. That was what I had. Yeah. It was clever. So you never sent a picture? No. Did you do that, Jay? You nuts? How did you meet him? Like, you carry a red rose at the coffee shop and I'll be there. I'll be the guy with the big blue t-shirt on. I'll be wearing a poncho. I'll be wearing what looks like a tent. I don't think she... Do you know what a sailboat is? The thing that pushes the boat, I'll have one of those draped over my neck. I'll be wearing parachute pants. It's a real parachute. It's an actual... They're parachutes. Literally cut from... Real parachutes. How did you meet them? Where did you meet them? Did you close any of the deals? I want to know the whole thing. Yes, I did. And how did I meet them? I would meet them... Where?

2:06:46I would meet them at coffee shops and restaurants. Taco stands. Taco stands, coffee shops and restaurants. Cafes. I think you would probably follow them. Café. Horchitaria. Horchitaria. I would meet, yes. Chaquerias. I would meet them at tortilla factories. Are you happy? Okay. I would meet them at the place. You would just go tagging together? Yes. I would meet them in strawberry fields. Go to Morrissey concerts. I would meet them at lowrider. Which side? At the border. Hey, meet me at the border. I'd meet them at lowrider shows. You mean on the border of the restaurant? No. No, I mean on the border. At the border. San Ysidro. I'll meet you at San Ysidro. M1 Pete from San Diego. What's up, guys? Happy Friday. Thank you, man. This one goes with yesterday's one about the shallow things a girl did to make you leave her also. Anyway, it was a co-worker. Shallow things you did. Yeah, but it was a co-worker that set me up with her daughter-in-law. Her son was divorced from, you know, his baby mama. The mother-in-law was still cool with the girl.

2:08:15Oh, my gosh. That's weird. Yeah, she was like, oh, she's so cool. So I talked to her two, three times. I'm supposed to meet her at her job, and then we're supposed to just hang out. Mysteriously, her real mom is at her job, too. Her real mom is at the job. Okay. The first time we meet, she's like, oh, my mom was just going to hang out with us. Weird. See you later. Yeah, so we got Jamba Juice, and I said peace. Yeah, good for you. Can you imagine going to meet some girl and her mom's with her? What do you, Michael Corleone in Italy do? Yeah. You know what I mean? The whole family's following? Yeah. That's weird. So you never saw her again? Oh, never, never talked to her. So then when I go back to work, my coworker's like, yeah, so how was it? And I just looked at her and kept going. It was terrible. Thank you. Wow. Thank you. Thank you very much. That's great. Yeah. 570-1949 if you got a good one. Mike? Yeah. I want to know more. Yeah, you can ask me. As long as it doesn't, I don't want to upset my wife. Okay. Yeah. I won't get too creepy. Did you go on second dates? Yeah. When you meet... Yeah, some of them. Online. Some of them. Was it like a guarantee? It was...

2:09:33It was favorable. Favorable. In your favor. Like fishing a barrel? Though they'd never met you or seen you. No, but you know what? Honestly, I'm going to be really honest with you. Honestly, that's not what I was after. You wanted a girlfriend. Yeah, I mean, I wanted to meet someone. You wanted a relationship. I wanted to meet someone. And they genuinely did, too. I get you. Yeah. Did you? Because I was charming, and I think that they liked me. Absolutely. And I liked them, too. I'm taking the old log to the beaver. There you go. Did you play the radio card? No. You didn't. Did any of them know who you were? No. From the radio. Yeah, some of them did. Some of them did, but they didn't. Most girls didn't listen at night to a rock station. Oh, yeah. That's a good point. You know, they just didn't. Right. And I wasn't popular enough that even if they were rock listeners, I really wasn't, like, nobody knew who I was. Right. You know, even though I was on the radio at night, I couldn't walk up to your average person and be like, hi, I'm Mikey, and have people go. They'd be like, who's that? You still can't just walk up to the average person and say, I don't think. I can walk up to a person in our age group and say, I'm Mikey from the radio, and they'll probably know. Most people in our age group. Because it's been 15 years. Well, I wear a t-shirt that says it's Woods from the Mikey show, and then on the back it says Woods on Sports. And let me put it this way. The incorporator. I'll put it this way.

2:10:59I'm recognized now. I never was recognized. Ever. Never, never. I was once. To the point where I remember it. Right. I remember the one time I was. But anyway, I would be interested in a relationship. So I was, you know, some of them I didn't like. Some of them I met, I didn't like. One girl I remember really not liking. Why? Because... L.O.B., no offense. She wanted to be a stand-up comic. And she... Taken? No. No. Hang on. Hang on. Unlike L.O.B., probably not in the cards for her. Not funny. No. Did she try her bets on you? Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Now, L.O.B.'s funny. She's funny. L.O.B. is...

2:11:57funny. Yeah, but when I first, I mean, I'm still, I got a long ways to go. When I first started out, my jokes were terrible. No, but see, see, here's the thing though, L.O.B., is that like, you're a funny person. But not always a funny person can be a funny comic. That's the deal. I mean, long before you ever got on stage, you were funny. Yeah. You know what I mean? You were just a funny person. She wasn't funny. No. At all. It wasn't even funny when she wasn't doing bits. But her friends told her. That she was the funniest person alive. Oh, boy. Because her friends were nerds. I remember where we were. We were at a restaurant called DeMilli's in Normal Heights. Oh. Great Italian restaurant. We were there. It was a beautiful day, sitting on the patio. And I remember seriously thinking to myself, how bad of a person would it take for me to be to leave? How bad would that make me? And I was pondering it. Like, will it make me this bad? Like, Hitler bad? Or will it make me... Wow. You know, how bad a guy... She would be so sad. I know. And I was considering it. But she was such like a... Like a rock... You've done it? You've left a date? Yep. You're a monster. I've done it. What's wrong with you? And I drove her there. What?

2:13:22I'm embarrassed to know you right now. What's wrong with you? You're my friend. You were my friend. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. Can you imagine if the girl that you did that to were L.O.B.'s friend and that girl called L.O.B. and told L.O.B. what had just happened? L.O.B. would want to kill you. She would have very strongly worded messages for you. If I explained myself. it would make a little more sense. It's fine. Met a girl at a skybox at a Dallas Stars game, hockey team. Oh, well, that makes sense. Hold on. We hit it off. She's really cute. I was, of course, handsome. And we started talking and we exchanged numbers and I asked her to dinner. Picked her up, went to this place in Dallas called Gloria's. Sitting through dinner, she's on her phone the whole time. And she tells me, it's my ex-boyfriend. And he's driving me crazy. And she texts him the whole time. After about an hour and a half of this, I get up. I go to the bathroom. I call Jamie, who is now my wife. And I go, hey, I'm on a date. And it sucks. And she goes, and that's weird because we're married. Well, we weren't married. You're on a break. I told her what she didn't. Jamie's like, just bail. And I'm like, done. Walked out. Right past the table. Into my car. Went over to Jamie's house.

2:14:52Left her sitting there. Did she call? Nope. Did she text? Nope. What? Nothing. Nothing. She knew. Weird. But she didn't say, what a jerk you are. Nothing. Nothing. She was only there on the date with Woods. Same reason he was there. To get back at her ex. To get back at the ex. 100. She didn't care. I've done it. She knew. You know, neither one of you wants to be there, but you're like, this is par for the course, which you're supposed to be doing. But I walked out, and I walked past our table. and didn't look at her, didn't acknowledge her, shaking, fumbling for my valet ticket to get my car. Then I had to wait for my car. Oh, boy. She could probably see me from where she was sitting. She probably could. She probably could. And I got in the car and went over to Jamie. She was probably kind of glad because it gave her a reason to tell her ex, I'm stranded. You come get me. The guy I was going to date with just got arrested. I guarantee you that's what happened. Have you ever had a girl refuse to leave? Yes. We'll tell you these stories when we return. You jerks. Monsters. She's not like mine either. I bet it's the same answer. Oh. Have you, Jay? I forcibly removed him from my house. Yeah, I called the cops on him and they're doing time right now. At Folsom Prison. Folsom.

2:17:10Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, I just was looking online and I just found a story that just broke. Sad story. Peter Clarkson, who's a well-known abalone expert, longtime commercial diver, was just killed by great white sharks yesterday off South Australia. Apparently, I mean, they say that he, you know, had done written testimonials for this electronic device called a shark shield. And they don't know whether or not he had the shield with him, but he was diving for abalone. And as he was coming up to the surface, got attacked by two great white sharks and killed him off the waters of South Australia yesterday. He didn't use a shark cage. I mean, just a sad story. Well-liked guy. Big on CNN right now. Also, for the last decade just about, there's been plans on whether or not they were going to expand the I-5 from La Jolla to Oceanside? I believe Oceanside. Yeah. At the cost of $4.5 billion. Well, now there's a new state Senate bill that wants to focus, instead of expanding the freeway, to focus more on the trains and the trolleys and, you know.

2:18:16Makes a lot more sense. Yeah, because more people use the trains and the trolleys than the freeway. Well, you know, it's better for the population if those people do use the trains and the trolleys instead of the traffic on the freeway. Listen, isn't it better for us to eat salad? But guess what? We're not. I know. They just want to lower pollution. I like it. We'll see. It just sounds like it's going to be a never-ending battle. But if you didn't know about this plan, they want to add six new lanes to the five freeway from La Jolla to Oceanside. Four of the lanes would be dedicated to carpools, buses, and solo drivers. That would be paying a fee. When's the last time you took public transportation to work? That's what I'm saying. If you build it, they will come. There's not a lot of stops now. If they build more tracks that go to different places, stuff like that, I would ride the high speed. This is not New York City. train to go to San Francisco. Listen, you guys, we live in a city like San Diego. It's all spread out and there's hills and stuff like that. It doesn't work. You can't really do it here. You can use a trolley to get from like La Mesa to Mission Valley. That's cool. I mean, it makes sense. You can use a trolley to get from La Mesa to downtown San Diego. That's great.

2:19:26But if you want to get from Lemon Grove to Carlsbad or if you want to get from Carlsbad to Mission Valley and you want to get to a specific place in Mission Valley, it's not easy. It isn't easy. Got to drive there. But what if there was more stops in the areas concentrated that people worked in? Like there's a trolley stop in Mission Valley, but it'd be nicer if there's a train stop. I used to use it to go from Solana Beach all the way down to National City. And I'd take my bike with me. Again, that works. I mean, you can take the coaster right now all up and down the coast. The problem is, is that we're not an island like Manhattan. We're not a densely congested place like Chicago. You know, Los Angeles, a train system wouldn't really work either because of the way Los Angeles is laid out. Dallas, too. I mean, there's no way. I mean, it's the geographical layout of a city. And the geographical layout of our city dictates we got some traffic poop. Maybe we build a football stadium and keep our football team here. You like that? I do like that. I would like less traffic as well. I would enjoy that. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? There's an update from...

2:20:36I told you earlier in the week or actually last week about Brandon Banks. He's the kick returner for the Washington Redskins who got stabbed outside of a nightclub. He now has a collapsed lung. They said when he was stabbed, the knife nicked his lung. They said his condition has changed almost every day. But, you know, they're expecting him to make a recovery. But with a collapsed lung, that is not good, man. He's got his work cut out for him. And this, you guys, is a... crazy story about college football. There is a section of the University of Auburn. It's called Toomer's Corner. And what it is, it's Toomer, T-O-O-M-E-R. It is these beautiful, majestic, live oak trees. Well, some clown who's an Alabama fan poisoned them. Poisoned them with an herbicide called Spike 80DF. These majestic oaks that is a tradition at Auburn are going to die. They cannot be safe. They have arrested this guy. He's from Dadeville, Alabama. Guess how old he is. I'm going to guess. Let me guess. Okay. It's either real young or real old. So he's either 19 or he's, and by old, I mean we wouldn't expect it, 54. I'm going to guess 42. I was going to say 53.

2:21:57He's 62 years old. Oh, my gosh. His name is Harvey Almorn Updike, and he is a huge Alabama Crimson Tide fan. He went to Auburn with this herbicide, killed these badass, beautiful oak trees, and they are going to die. He is being held right now. He's charged with criminal mischief, and his bail is $50,000. Good. Wow. I want to know, because here's the deal. Dude that poisons oak trees? That's not the first time he's done something weird. Very weird. That's not the first time he's done something very weird. I know. In fact, this may rate as one of the least weird things he's ever done. 100%. Can you imagine the weirdest thing that guy's done? I can't. I don't want to. I can't. Imagine the decorations in his house.

2:22:53The furniture, the whole layout. Yeah, it's squirrel heads. Yeah, all stuff standing there. Well, he had called a radio show. And when he signed off, he said, roll damn tide. So roll tide is the Alabama, that's what they say. He said, roll damn tide. He is. A very passionate Alabama. What do you mean? He went on the radio and said, I'm the one that did it? Yeah, he said, this weekend after the Iron Bowl, I went to Auburn, Alabama because I live 30 miles away and I poisoned the tumor's trees. I put spike ADDF in them. They traced the guy and found him and arrested him. And he said, they're not dead yet, but they will definitely die. What an idiot. You hate Auburn football so much that you're going to poison the trees? That's really sad. You're a D. You're an old D is what you are. For me, that goes past the point of you're like clinical. Yeah, there's something wrong. There's something clinically wrong. Like you're really a strange dude. You know what I bother me so much? My grandfather has his own oak tree at Notre Dame that my dad got for him. We have a plaque. And if somebody killed it, I don't know what I would do to that person. What did the tree do to you? It's my grandpa's tree dedicated from our family.

2:24:05lip out. Sure. It's just a tree, but I'd still lose my mind. Trees are beautiful, man. They're beautiful. It's a living, they're peaceful. M1 Lynn from San Diego. Are you there? Yes, I am. Guess what, Lynn? You are our grand prize winner this week of a $250 gift certificate to the 2011 Ski and Snowboard Megasale. Congratulations. Oh, thank you so much. I never win anything. Well, there you go. You want something very cool. Love's changing. Buy me some goggles. Hang on. Love you guys. Love you. Oh, love you. Get some new gloves. Let's see. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. What is the t-shirt, Woodsy? It's the Deftones, pal. Deftones. There you go. You know that. And Lauren O'Brien is L-O-B. Sienna is our news girl. Our producer is Jay. And our phone screener today is Chris. That's Krah. That's Krah. Never gets old. It doesn't. I know. Hey, by the way, Jay is going to be the host this weekend. How's Jay? Yep, sure is. For Spencer Fox Walks. Spencer is a 13-year-old kid that was in a snowboard accident, and he was...

2:25:29It left him almost completely paralyzed. So this weekend, they're having a benefit for him at the Belly Up, and Jay will be out there hosting it. And it's going to be very cool. Get your tickets online at bellyup.com. Now, let's say you don't want to go, but you do want to give to the cause, you can still go there, buy tickets, and you'll be supporting the cause. Online, yeah. That's right. How come you guys put on lotion? Woods just handed it to me, and so I couldn't review. I know, but what is the purpose of lotion on the arms? You get so dry in here. Yeah, it's dry in here. It's like Arizona. And you don't feel slimy with that? You can't put too much on. Want to try some? Treat yourself. I made the mistake of putting too much on the other day, and then everything I touched had a film on it. No, this is perfect. Doesn't that smell... It's like a creamsicle. Exactly. I really like it. Woodsy, that doesn't have a feminine smell? No. No. Unless orange vanilla is feminine. I get the smell-free. You get the smell-free. You use mud from a riverbank. I'm making myself. If anyone in our audience has a sensitive nose, I'm sorry. All of us are pouring lotion all over. I get real dry in here. Goodness. Let's see. Woodsy, why did the girl refuse to leave your place? Because she was a psychotic. Were you dating her? Yes. She wouldn't put it out for you? You were sleeping with her.

2:26:51What happened? You know better than that, LLV. Oh, my God. What happened? I was dating a girl on everything I hold sacred. You don't have to. On everything I hold sacred. This is a true story. Please don't. I'm not going. I can't mention her name. She was a lunatic, and I got tired of her being a jealous, crazy person, and I kicked her out of my house. I said, you got to get your stuff, and you got to go. You got to get right now. No, it was not her. It wasn't her. Mikey knows one of my exes, and it was not her. All your exes live in Texas. Fair enough. She wouldn't leave, was crying, screaming, swinging at me, the whole bit. It was a very dramatic scene. I finally got her out the door, shut the door, went upstairs, went to bed. Oh, my gosh. Oh, boy. Turned my phone off, earplugs in, went to bed. Oh, my gosh. Your poor neighbors. I woke up. Guess where she was? Where? On my doorstep. She was like laying there? Asleep or awake? Asleep. So wait a minute. I was going to work. So you opened the door to go to work. Did she wake up? Fetal position, yes. Was she drunk? Yes. Was she still drunk? No, she was sober by then. Still a little bit drunk. Out of it. Was she still wanting to fight? I stepped over and ran to my car. Oh my gosh. You're a monster. You stepped over her. What?

2:28:24And ran to your car. That's not normal to stay the night on the doorstep. No, it's not. She passed out on the doorstep. It doesn't matter. Why are you still there? Go home. In the fetal position. Crying. Call someone to pick you up. Maybe she didn't have her phone was and she was stuck. I didn't have her phone. She texted me and called me a hundred times. Oh, she did. Yeah. I turned my phone off. Maybe it died. This is what's, you know, this is the psychology. This is the psychology that I wonder about. When you're in the house and you guys are going through this, I wonder to myself, what would have made it all better? For her or me? Yeah, for her. Because clearly you were not satiating whatever it is that she wanted. She wanted me, and I didn't want her anymore. I was done. Oh, you were breaking up. Yeah, it was over. Okay, so that's why she wouldn't leave. I go, you're crazy. You're a lunatic. You might be an alcoholic. Get out of my house. Okay. So then that answers it. If you would have said, okay, fine. Let's try to work it out. Yeah. She would have stayed. Or she would have left. Oh, okay. Would she have left, you think? Yeah. No, no. She would have stayed. If I had said, let's try to work it out. She'd have stayed. Yeah. She would have thought, oh, okay. So you couldn't have gone. You couldn't have gone. All right. Let's try to work it out. She goes, okay. And then you go, tonight, though, I think. Oh, no. No way. No way. She wasn't leaving that house. She wasn't leaving that night. No, I didn't.

2:29:50pitch her out of the house. I nudged her out of the house. I was like, hey, you got to go. And the door shut, the lock, and the whole bit. Oh, my God. I don't even know if Jamie knows that story in my life. I'm sure she's listening. What was your deal, Jay? Well, the girl I was dating right before Kim shows up at my house. Betsy Ross. Betsy Ross. We'll call her Betsy Ross, which is pretty close to her name. And she drops off her sewing machine. That's you wrong. All her gear. She's moving in. Unannounced? I'm like, what are you doing? She goes, I just need some place to store this and maybe stay for a while. I was like, what? She goes, look, our Friday nights are going to be great. I'll stay home. We can just stay home. I'll sew. I was like, no, you can't. You can't do this. She's like, I have to have some place to stay. So I left. I just left the house. When I came back, she was gone, but all the stuff was still there. So then I put all the stuff out on the front step, and I locked the door and called and said, hey, you need to come pick up this stuff. And then I called the police and I said, I got an intruder. I shot her, but it's all right. She's a trespasser. And she's never been seen again. I'm called the castle law. I'm the king of the castle. And, you know, if somebody intrudes, you have a right to do what you got to do. Absolutely. It's called birdshot. Yeah, she's crazy.

2:31:12You got one? Yeah, mine was I was having a party and I invited a girl over. I invited a bunch of people. But this girl came over and the night was going on. The night was going on and I was drinking and I called someone who I wanted to have a hookup with. She was available, but said that it would be like, you know, a long time. Like a couple hours? Yeah. Until I can get there? A couple hours. And I was like, okay, you know, I didn't care. I knew I was going to be partying, blah, blah, blah. Right. Well, during that period of time, this girl that I really kind of liked, but didn't think I had any kind of shot with, came to the party. And I was like, oh, wow. Well, it was one of those deals where she was interested in me that night. She was interested in me. And I was like, oh, no. Oh, no. The hookup coming later. And the hookup showed up. Oh, wow. Who do you boot? Neither one. Oh, well, for me, it was no question. You booted the hookup. You double down. Yes. So the second chick that came, you didn't want. I didn't want her to go. Wait, wait. So the.

2:32:43I'm confused. Okay. The girl that I liked. Let's skip fake names. Call her hookup and new girl. Hookup and new girl. Hookup and new girl. Yep. Okay. Hookup was the person that I called. Right. This was years ago. I'm sure. Honestly, I don't even think I knew Rebecca. You better have been. I may not have even known Rebecca at the time. I don't even think I did because I remember where I lived. It was one of the only times in my life I was cute. June of 91. Yeah. It was a very cute year. It was right around the time I was on the Stern Show. Okay. Okay. It was the only year. You had to big time us. Big time. I won the lottery that day. It was the first BMW I bought. I remember that. When you guys said that, I realized that that sounded, what that sounded like, and I felt like a monster. It didn't. sound like that. It was a reference. It was right around the time I had my first threesome. So it's not a big deal. Now it's over. It's over. So the girl that's interested in you knocks on the door. You're surprised that she's there. You're surprised that she's there. And you're surprised that I might have a shot. So new girl is there. Hookup is coming. Yes. She's on the way. Now she's there. Hookup doesn't take two hours to get there.

2:34:12Hook up shows up 20 minutes. Oh, wow. 20 minutes. And I'm thinking, well, you know, it's one of those deals where it wasn't like, you know, you don't call and go, well, at least I didn't. You don't call somebody and say, hey, why don't you come over for the express purpose of. So I'm thinking she'll get there. It's a party. And eventually, you know, you know. All right. Well. Take it to the house. It was good to see it. Yeah. And so when it became known that New Girl was interested, I was like, I have to get Hookup out of here. Yeah. That's not an easy thing to do. You've called her over. You've invited her over. And so it started very, very subtle. It started very, very subtle where I was because there was a bunch of people left. There was probably like.

2:35:11six people left in my place. And so I started to really genuinely stretch and go, oh man, it's late. Yeah. And because new girl was interested, she was staying. She was like sitting there like, well, I'm going to wait till people leave. And the, and hookup was doing the same thing. And I'm like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Hookup knew. Oh, yeah. You're in the new girl. Oh, yeah. So I claim. Of course she did. So I said to hook up. Hey, I talk to you. Oh, yeah. Listen, it was it was getting to the point where I'm like, something has to give. Yeah. Would you agree? Something has to happen. Because if if something doesn't happen, you're going to lose new girl. Well, not only am I going to lose new girl.

2:36:11But this could go on. This standoff can go on. Yeah. And I wanted to. If I were you, I would have shaded away with New Girl. I would have been like, New Girl, come here for a second. And then just shaded away. Instead of doing the talk. I couldn't do that. I know, but I would have. I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that. Because were you not sold that New Girl was in on you? I was reasonably sure. Okay. I was reasonably sure. But I felt bad that I had called hookup. Yep. And I felt bad. I would have felt really bad going, hey, new girl, come here. And then just never go. Like, I couldn't do that. That would be mean to hook up. What did you say to hook up? I said, I said, hey, listen, I said, it's really, really late. I said, and by this time, there were only two people left, new girl and a friend. And I said, it's really late. I don't know how to tell people to go. I don't know what I should do.

2:37:11And I'm hoping that that tells her. No, that tells her, I want you here. Yeah, I want you here. And she says, well, I can't drive. I've had too much to drink. That's a good move. And I said, and I go, and I go. I played the only card I could play. You got to go. Not I'll call you a cab? No, I said, you got to go. And you got it. Because I knew she hadn't had too much to drink. Not only had she not had too much to drink, she didn't even really drink. I knew she was not even close. She would not, and I mean this as a true fact, she would not have blown a legally intoxicated deal. She had maybe half of a beer. Maybe. She wanted to be fresh. On her game.

2:38:18I was upset and I said, you got, listen. Upset? Yeah. I'm sorry. What a bee. She wanted to be with you. I liked. You wanted, hey, you wanted new business. I'm not going to fault you for that. But I really liked. Yes. I liked New Girl. This is, that was the Holy Grail. No? Yeah. Maybe we don't call it the Holy Grail. This is the Bible, right? The Messiah. You said it. I was towing the line and you just blazing off. That's what I do. So anyway. So you booted her. No, she wouldn't go. Oh, my God. She wouldn't leave. Oh, my God. Double down. Because she finally kind of called the bluff. And she went, I'm not leaving. And she didn't say it, but she knew, I know what you're doing. Of course she knew. God. And she goes. And you. Have you hooked up with hookup before? Yeah. Oh, yeah. So she was like, I'm. I think she was like, I think she put it all together. Oh, yeah, she did. She put it all together. And she realized, huh, he called me over here, but then something better came along and he wants me to leave. Oh, we never want to be the, I was it until. Oh, women hate that bit. And so she goes, I'm not leaving. And I said, you can go in the car and wait until you sober up.

2:39:47And she goes. That is so mean. I'm not going. You're a monster. So awkward. No, it's not. Dude, I applaud you. It's exactly what I want. Get in the car. Why didn't you just leave? Excuse me. Now, I'm going to tell you. I never share these stories. I never share these stories. And I'm not sharing this story to glorify it, honestly. I have to ask myself, well, why am I sharing this story? Well, first of all, because I got into the story. But second of all, because I'm different. This is not me anymore. But this was me at the time. So I said. You got to go sit in the car until you sober up. She goes, uh-uh. Wow. At that point, you grab New Girl's hand and you go, well, fend for yourself. Yeah. How about it? Or you go to New Girl's house. New Girl left. Yep. Squirrel the deal. Then you were stuck with hookup and probably hooked up. Did you hook up with hookup? Of course you did. What I would have done is I would have had new girl. I would have been like, hey, come on. And I just would have blatantly right in front of hookup been like, come with me. Me too. And just taking her. No. That's so mean. You know what? Here's the deal. When she said, I'm not leaving, I didn't want a scene. Yeah.

2:41:03And if I would have done what you just said, it probably would have been a scene. You think she would have been like, hey, what's up? Why are you going up? And then she would have knocked on the door. You could have taken a new girl to her car going, you know what? I don't want to make any mistakes tonight. Let's just end this good night, send her on her way, and then call her tomorrow. Did you ever talk to a new girl again? I dated her. Did a new girl say goodbye? Huh? Did she say goodbye? Did she just walk out? She left. Because you were in the kitchen talking to hookup. No. We were in my room. Because it was a small apartment. She thought that... No, I don't think she thought that. Because I don't think she ever would have had anything to do with me again. She turned to her friend and was like, let's go. This is just awkward now. I don't think she ever would have had anything to do with me. But I think it was like, well, you know... Because I thought, I'll get her to go. I'll get her to go. I can get her out of here. Yeah. And it started really subtle. And when she did... The thing that pushed me over the edge was when I knew she hadn't had anything to drink. And she said, completely sober goes...

2:42:03Well, I can't drive because I'm too intoxicated. Tried to pull the card. And it wasn't like, I can't. It was like, I can't drive because I'm too intoxicated. I cannot operate a vehicle at this present time. But you sound completely cogent. You don't know what I sound like. I'm listening to you. I'm wasted. You don't sound wasted. I'm going to get arrested and then it's going to be your fault. You sound, you're not slurring at all. No. No, you're not slurring at all. You're admitting it then. I'm confused. I'm drunk. I'm calling the cops on myself. I'm making a citizen's arrest on myself. You've had half of a beer. I had half a keg. Before I got here, I drank way more than you saw. But why are you speaking so clearly if you're drunk? I'm not. You're drunk, too. I'm actually not drunk at all. I spiked your drink. With what? Vodka. Tasteless vodka. Tasteless vodka. I'm not going anywhere. Speaking of creeps. Is this possible if researchers found a potential cure for baldness? Loverboy. I've never heard this one. Yes, you have.

2:44:17Oh, maybe I have. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow, man. Oh, yeah. Is this on like a best of? Yeah. Their best of? I might have to get Loverboy's best of. 100%. Mike Reno was the goofiest dude. The crossed fingers against the leather red pants. Red leather pants. Oh, get lucky. Get lucky is the name of the record. Yep. Get some. Get some. Wow, wow, wow. 570-1949 is our number. So is it possible have researchers found a cure for baldness? Well, they were doing a study on the effect on stress on the digestive system. And they were using mice.

2:45:13to, you know, do these studies. And instead, they stumbled upon something else. After the mice were injected with a stress-blocking chemical, compound that's supposed to block the action of this hormone that they were using, instead of their hair turning gray, which was what was supposed to happen, it all grew back, like, thicker and was dark black. And so now they're thinking... Now they're thinking... it's this whatever they did prevents hair loss really yeah and so they're saying you know this this could be prevents hair loss it doesn't like produce hair again Because that'd be cool. Promote growth. I think it does as well because I saw this on the news and it was showing pictures of like the mice were gray, which is what they were trying to figure out with stress. And then their hair was thinner and then later it was thicker and dark black. All these mice with combs flicking their hair back. What's up? Lover boy playing in the background. Looking good, man. Let's see. New movies that are out this weekend. Sienna, what do we got?

2:46:18We have Unknown, which is... No, tell us what they are. The name of the movie is called Unknown. It was. You're funny. Am I? This one's with Liam Neeson, Diane Kruger, January Jones. Oh, boy. Do you have the synopsis of the movie? Yeah. It says the film follows a man played by Liam Neeson who wakes up from a coma to find that someone has stolen his identity and that no one, not even his wife, played by Jones, believes he is who he say he is. With the help of a young woman connected to the accident that put him in the coma, he sets out to prove he is Dr. Martin Harris. All right. Here's a clip. Liz. Excuse me. Do I know you? What's wrong? I'm sorry. I was in an accident. I was in a coma. They didn't know who I was. You must have me confused with someone else. Liz, it's me. Morton, your husband. This is a misunderstanding. I don't know this man. Sound interesting? Very. Yeah, me too. I love January Jones. I would see it. I like Liam Neeson. So much. I do too. What else? I am number four. It seems... Oh, you're not, Sienna. Come on. You're number five. You're ten to me. Ten and a half. Wow. Thanks, Jen.

2:48:02You're number, I thought you were 25. Woods commenting on the movie I know. I actually didn't say a word. Yeah, but you're thinking weird things. I was. Just trying to be funny all the time. That's my job. I am number four is out. What is it? It looks action-y and teenage-y. Action-y. But there's a really cute girl in it who's blonde and she's Australian. A mysterious young fugitive with extraordinary powers must stay one step ahead of a ruthless enemy sent to destroy him. And the last big movie that comes out today, it's called Big Mama's Like Father Like Son. Think Mike will see that? Think Mike thinks that's beneath his movie threshold? Whoops! There it is! That's a confusing title alone. Big Mamas Like Father Like Son. Is it another Martin Lawrence? Yes. It is. The texture where I got that drop. Whoops, there it is. And they go undercover at an all-girls school to catch a killer. Don't his movies make a ton of money, though? Yeah. A lot of not-so-bright people in the country. All of these movies I said were PG-13. There you go. Wait till I tell you how much the Kardashians made in 2010. More or less than me.

2:49:39It's more. It is, for sure. More in a minute than we make in a year. For sure. It's like a lottery win. I know. I'll tell you next. Oh, wow. What is it, Mike? Mike, your faces make my day every day. This Santana? You just call it music? It's not Santana. You just call it tunes? It's Steely Dan. Steely Dan. That's right. You've got seven minutes. Test the money. Goodbye. I love Jesus. I'll see you later. Maybe just leave them in me. Let me do them and all those, you know. Those jokes? I can't make jokes? You can make jokes, but that one... Oh, come on. He's on one today. I am on one. He is on one. Yeah. Just trying to have a good time. Laugh at my friends. You're really on one today. No, I'm not. You are. Listen, you're a spankster, Mike.

2:51:09Oh, wow. Tonight's 8 o'clock album is Bo Diddley. Garrett. Bo Diddley is a gunslinger. Sure is. What's the name of the album? Garrett. Woods is real big on the dad jokes today. He is. Why don't you guys shut up? What's up? Did you guys have any fun today? I hope so. Oh, man, I did. Wouldn't it be great if the studio audience was like... Not really. Not one of your best shows. Not one of your best. I thought it'd be cooler. They're like... I thought you guys would be nicer. They're like, we're going to ask Jay if we can get a refund. And we didn't even pay. Taking this pizza with me. You guys can go fend for yourselves. They're like...

2:52:01You guys pay us to be here today, right? We all get 15 bucks, right? They're a really good audience. Yeah, you guys have been good. Good audience. Extreme Pizza, thank you to Extreme Pizza, who came in today and brought some really good stuff. Man, the pizza's great, and they got three locations. Point Loma, La Jolla, and Claremont Town Square. It's going to rain this weekend. It's supposed to start this afternoon. Really? Yeah. Wow. I said bring it on. Yeah, me too. I want to just be cozy in my house this weekend. I want to go hike in the rain. Oh, God. Of course you do. You want to go hike in the rain? It's the best. Slide in the mud? Oh, it's the best. Sounds like a cold way to happen. If that's the best, what's the worst? What's the worst? That sounds like the worst to me. Jasper loves it. Jasper loves it. You guys don't go outside and play in the puddles and the streams? I did. When I was little, when it would rain, my dad would... put my brother and I in the Jeep that we had and he'd go through the puddles and make the puddles go over the car and we'd be like, woo! That's fun. So scary. He would go so fast. We should do that now. It was so fun. Gotta go to prison for that now. I know. Doing that to his kids. CPS would be called. I know. Can't do it anymore. No. Nothing about that sounds fun to me. That would be fun. And puddles, like huge splashes on the window. You're like, yeah! You can do that at SeaWorld. Go on that ride. Just...

2:53:26I still drive through puddles now. And I laugh. I do, too. And I giggle about it. He's hilarious. Oh, yeah. By myself. I don't like the rain. I wish it wasn't raining this weekend. It would be nice if it was beautiful. I can't wait for summer. I can't either. Sunshine. Baseball. Just nine people at the Padres games. It's going to be rad. Wearing sandals every day. Shorts and sandals and just going to the Padres games. So, Sienna, how much did the Kardashians earn in 2010? Any guesses? I know the answer. 25 million. No. More. Yes. Yeah. We're talking the entire clan of broads, all of them? The three sisters. Oh, okay. 48 mil. More. Perfect. Oh, my God. 100 mil. Too much. 60. Close. 50. 72.

2:54:20$65 million in 2010. Those dunces. Thanks to their reality show. They have endorsement deals like Quick Trim and Sketcher Shape Ups. They also have their clothing store, Dash. Well, that's because you have big jugs. True. They do. One of them especially. That sickens me. It sickens me. I know. Why does it sicken you? Mike, really? Yeah. You get famous for being nobody and... Making sex tapes? It's weak, dude. I consider myself a fairly talented guy. I'll make not $65 million this year. That makes me... Not in a lifetime. Yeah, I won't make $65 million in five lifetimes. That makes my stomach hurt. To me, Kim Kardashian looks like a model. Great. She's not talented. There's plenty of people out there. She's not talented, though. She doesn't have any talent. She does. Everyone has their own talent. Sleeping with black guys is not a talent, Sienna. Oh, wait. I beg to differ. Okay. And putting it on film. Everyone has their own talent. That's not a talent. She's not talented. Who said that that is her talent? She's not talented. She has some sort of talent. They get clothing in their store. Mark it as a...

2:55:32You're not a marketer. You have people that work for you because you have money. I'm a businesswoman. I'm a marketer. No, you're not. I know how to do things like sign the bottom of the paper. I can sign checks, okay? You can write your name. That's worth $65. That makes me so mad. Do you see all these loops in my case? That's true. Fair enough. Thank you. I rest my case. That doesn't make you mad, dude. But look at the athletes that make hundreds of millions of dollars. They're talented. They can do stuff that nobody else in the world can do. Well, then they're lucky, but they don't deserve hundreds of millions of dollars. Talented is not lucky. She is lucky. She's lucky. I agree with you. She was born in so well. I'm so mad. I'm like, I'm sorry. Just reporting the news. Why are you screaming? I'm so mad. It makes me mad. Whoa. What do you mean? No, I mean, I'm agreeing that I see that you are, in fact, mad. I am mad. Don't you think? It makes me mad. Yeah. Hey, I have a question. Yeah. Has anybody got any gigs this weekend? I do. Change the subject. I do. I'm going to be at Escondido Cycle Center tonight at 6 o'clock at...

2:56:42Where's it located? It's on Montel Road, just off Highway 78 at Nordahl. There you go. And on Sunday. And on Sunday, I'm Spencer's deal. Spencer walks at the belly up. Three to seven. Ella B, doing anything? No, I may be joining Jay at the... Come on down. Yeah, the Spencer Fox benefit on Sunday. Put you to work. Right on. Right on. End of the show. On Friday, I give you my testimony. I tell you my story. A couple of things that I want to tell you about. One is that if you would like for me to speak, At your church, you can go to mikeyshow.com. And if you go to the help section, there's a section there for speaking engagements to have me come and speak. Also, I have a podcast now, which is a solo project, and it is about my faith. And you can find that on iTunes. And you just search VOM, and it'll be under the podcast section. My story is that, and the reason I tell you is because there's people that are listening that may, there may be some of my story in yours. My story is when I was five years old, I was sexually abused and was very, very confused about it because I didn't know if other kids had experienced the same thing. But I was fairly certain that they had not.

2:58:16Made me feel different and it made me feel alone and it made me feel ashamed. And when I got into my teenage years, I buried it. Didn't think about it at all. And, you know, as I started to get into my 20s, I think I felt even more isolated. Felt really, really isolated. This is new music that I've been using on my testimony. And the reason that I first time I heard it, I knew it was right. And the reason that I knew it was right is because as I listened to every single chord in this music, it sounded like I felt. For over 20 years of my life, longer than that, 30 years of my life. 30 years of my life, I felt ugly, worthless, lonely, depressed, alienated. I never figured that I would amount to anything.

2:59:41probably live with my parents the rest of my life. I did everything in my power to feel accepted by people. Hard thing for a guy to admit that I had an eating disorder. I've been addicted to everything. I got an email this week from a girl, a really, really sweet girl, who lives in a different part of the country and listens to The Mikey Show on podcasts. She said every time she would get to the point, where I would give my testimony, she would stop the podcast and she would listen to something different because she knew what it was about and she didn't want to hear it. And she said that she was on the subway and she let herself listen to it and she was bawling on the subway because she is addicted to prescription medication. And she said that made herself look in the mirror and that she's going to get help for the prescription meds.

3:01:14And I've been there with addiction, low self-esteem, and just feeling bad about myself. If that's you, I want you to know that I got to this place in 2003 where my life was such a mess. And I turned my life over to God. 2003, I decided that I wanted Jesus Christ to run the show instead of me. I wanted Him to take the reins of my life instead of me. And ever since then, things have been different in my life. Things have been much better. It was a tough week for a tough year. It had been a tough year for us. But this week, it seemed like there was a lot of challenges. You know, my four-year-old son is autistic. And this week, he hurt himself. And he couldn't articulate to us what he had done. He didn't know.

3:02:27He couldn't articulate it. And then on Wednesday, my dad had to go to the hospital. He had to be rushed to the hospital. And my mom was with him. She's got Alzheimer's disease. And it was tough on her, tough on him. And yesterday, my son, Ryan, dislocated his elbow. And I'm not telling you these things like as a... A woe is me. The reason I tell you is because I want to provide to you proof of how powerful God is. I was laughing about stuff last night. The reason I tell you is because there may be some of you that are listening that are going through trials in your life right now. That are going through hard times. And I want to tell you that a supernatural force lives inside of me. It's God. And he helped me. That's all.

3:03:29I want you to know that, that I'm living, breathing proof of it, of a changed life, of a changed person, of a God that turned a selfish, manipulative, lying, cheating person into somebody new. The story that I told you earlier about me with the girls, it tastes like poison in my mouth. It didn't used to taste like poison in my mouth. I play a song for you at the end of the show that I hope will offer you hope. Hope is something that you cannot pay for. Hope is something that is freely given. And it was given to me. Freely. Go to MikeyShow.com to learn more.