The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 02/22/11

0:00All this week, our NBC San Diego morning show is going behind the scenes of some of San Diego's favorite radio stations. Today, NBC San Diego's Megan Terizian went to 94.9, home of The Mikey Show. The show prides itself on being open with its listeners and today shared a very personal story. Good afternoon. We're hanging out with the gang from The Mikey Show. Now you can see the faces behind all the voices you listen to in the morning. We have Woods over here. Hello. Hi. How are you? Great. And here's Lauren. Hi. And Jay, the producer. And Sienna. And, of course, we have Mikey. Hi. Oh, nice job. We bring our lives to the radio, and we really talk about what's happening in our lives.

1:42And it's kind of different than most of your traditional morning shows that sort of do the comedy like we do, but they don't necessarily share who they are. We definitely do. Our friend Woods here on the show, he was going to be adopting a baby. And he found out that the birth mom has decided that she's going to keep the baby. And so that was pretty tough for him and certainly for us as his friends. And it's just one of those real moments in life and just one of those things that he's dealing with. And as you can tell, it's a family here at the Mikey Show. You can listen to them on 94.9 every Monday through Friday from 6 to 10 in the morning. Back to you guys. There we go. That was yesterday. We were on NBC San Diego. Is there now? No, I didn't know. I thought they were still NBC 739. I didn't know they had changed to NBC San Diego. How do people know what channel you're on if you don't say? You know what I mean? I think it's just in the corner of the TV. Oh. Do it sneakily. Times are changing. Well, welcome to the Mikey Show, and you heard it there. We announced that yesterday with Woods, and it was a heavy day for us here on the air, but Woods, I guess, treated himself to some McDonald's yesterday. What did I text you, my friend? He texted me. It's the cure of, what did you say? McDonald's. McDonald's.

3:17The cure for what ails you. There you go. The cure for what ails you. Should be their new slogan. Gotta take a taste. You just pay me in cheeseburger. Tastes really good. Tastes really good. So anyway, that was from yesterday on NBC San Diego. You can call us, 570-1949. Or you can text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. Don't forget, we're going to be reading a text to you that we got yesterday. At 8 o'clock that has to do with something you probably don't ever want to tell a girl. You don't want to tell her this. I said that the wrong way. You don't want to point this out. You don't want to point this out. And we're going to read you this text. The word of the day. I love you. What is the word of the day? It's chosen by Sienna. I had help today. My friend. Oh, boy. I don't know what you're talking about. Woods helped. He did. Obviously. I nodded after Sienna told me what it was. I go, oh yeah, that'd be good. The word of the day is horchata. You just call it cinnamon milk. You just call it a drink. I just call it drink. Yeah, just drink. Water. Sustainability. Sustainability. Sustainability. There's quencher. He's called Gatorade. H2O.

4:47So there it is. When you hear me say the word horchata. How are you not going to say that? It's going to be tough. How dare you? When you hear me say it between 9 and 10, caller 9 gets a pair of sunglasses and also tickets to CG Love and a Mikey Show t-shirt. What's he saying? Shut up. Is that you, Mike? Someone you know. Oh, do I remember hearing this stuff growing up at, like, barbecues with family. All sounds the same. All of it. No. No. When you're in a bad mood, you want to put this music on, immediate happiness. Cheers you right up. Immediate happiness. Cheers you right up. It's all so happy. I mean, right?

5:50Just dog poo in the backyard, the grass barely growing. What was on the grill? Give me the whole scenario. The grill would be a lot of pollo asada, a lot of carne asada, a lot of green onions on the grill. Yeah, like on foil? Like foiled up on there? No, just on there. Wow. Just on there, cooking up. Oh, man, I can remember the smell of the house over at my Aunt Helen's. She would speak Spanglish. Half English, half Spanish. She'd be like, I remember that. And this plan. Drunk cousins. Just getting them. This real drunk on Budweiser. Was it a really big deal, like when you had a new girlfriend or boyfriend, like bringing them to the family barbecues? You know, I remember never – well, first of all, I didn't have a girlfriend to bring there. But had I, I wouldn't have brought them there. I'd have been embarrassed. Really? Yeah. I'd have been embarrassed of my Mexican family because they were kind of embarrassing. That's just the truth. Well, maybe you dated a Mexican girl and she was used to it. I wasn't attracted to Mexican girls.

7:15I was attracted to girls with freckles. I was. You know, you always liked the opposite. Yeah. You know what I mean? Big cookouts and backyard barbecues were always a big bit to meet the girlfriend's parents. It was my favorite. Really? Yeah, we'd have people over and you'd bring the girlfriend over to the BBQ. I would rather bring a new person I was dating to somewhere where there's all my family rather than just my parents. Yeah. Just get it all over with. For sure. Yeah. That's intense. Oh, I would rather. It's less uncomfortable. Yeah. There's so many people, you know, you feel like you're at a party. Instead of just your parents, how cold and uncomfortable and weird. Very formal. Formal and forced. Yeah, but my family's huge, and if you meet them once, then the questions follow every time. Where's so-and-so? Where's so-and-so? Where's so-and-so? Oh, no. Yeah. No, thanks. Yeah, I should see that. Big news today, if you want to call us 570-1949, you want to text us 949mikey at gmail.com. But the big news today is this earthquake in New Zealand. Yeah, well, it's almost Wednesday in New Zealand right now because they're like about a day ahead. So this happened on Tuesday for them, one of New Zealand's largest cities.

8:31had a crazy earthquake. 6.3 magnitude earthquake struck Christchurch during about lunchtime for them and killed at least 65 people so far. A lot of people stuck under rubble. I mean, just pinned down right now. To put it in perspective, that earthquake is the same size roughly as the one that happened during the World Series in 1989 in the Bay Area. Wow. You know, toppled buildings, just people trapped beneath chunks of concrete. Now, they're saying that there are people that are trapped that have their cell phones and are able to use them. Oh, my. Which is lucky. Unbelievable. You know, unbelievable. But just pray for them. The quake was followed by a few aftershocks. I mean, not looking good in New Zealand right now. How? Yeah. That's nuts. So anyway, there's that. Let's see. Also. There's going to be a new app coming to Facebook that will let you stalk and monitor relationships. Well, not necessarily stalk, but it looks like you're doing that, in my opinion. Like how? They're calling it monitoring. It's called the Facebook Breakup Notifier. Now, it's exactly what the title is.

9:43It lets users pick certain friends whose relationships they'd like to monitor their statuses. And so that way, if you're out of a relationship and you click single when you were, you know, in a relationship before, it will immediately send that person who is monitoring an email privately saying, you know, just so you know, Debbie Johnson, she's out of a relationship. She just clicked single now. Exactly. Exactly. If she's in a relationship right now, is she kind of single? Yes, if you're a fan of L.O.B., which so many men are, they can monitor her. I'm a friend. I want to be your friend. You can be my friend. Just says real big, get some on your email. Yes, so if Schieffer were, we hope, would not. get out of a relationship, she would click single, and then you would immediately get an email if you're following her status. And it will say she's out of a relationship. So, you know, people who are really into the receptionist at their work, you know, or... Wow. Yeah. Into someone who's in a relationship you want to know right away so you can swoop in. That's what it's for. That's creepy. Yeah. And it won't seem at all creepy when you swoop in right away. Hi, Diane. I just noticed that your status changed. And that you...

11:10My skin's crawling. That is creepy. Yeah, and the person whose profile you're following won't know that you're stalking them. Oh, wow. That is creepy. How creepy would it be if you did know? Like, if I knew Woods was monitoring my status. Yeah, you're like... Easy, buddy. Easy creeper. Can you imagine what a different world we would be living in if we knew every time somebody clicked on our page? Oh, man. It wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be the same. People would not spend as much time on Facebook if it was. Yeah. Nobody would go to a page if people were going to know. Yeah. What if a report went to your significant other showing whose pages you clicked on every day? Not only that, but just like even you or Jay would be like. You clicked on my page three times? Yeah, exactly. You're like, what do you want? Why didn't you just ask me? Why didn't you go through all my pictures? Every one of them. Twice. I went on a friend's page the other day and I read one of her posts and the top one on there said, you can now see who's stalking you on Facebook. And I was like, no, it was a virus. Thank goodness. Because I was like, oh, I'm quitting Facebook.

12:35I look at a lot of people's face. I'm not hip to the app, so I always wonder if somebody has an app that I don't know about and they can tell. Sniffing around their face. You can do so much investigative work into a person's life by doing that. I noticed some different behavior from a friend. And the first thing I did... was go to her page and start reading status updates. And I go, mm-hmm. Yep. Then I clicked on info, and I noticed that a few things were gone. And I was like, mm-hmm. Uh-huh. You find out a lot. Now, if the whole world knew it, you wouldn't do it. Right. You know, because essentially it's like walking in someone's house. Like, Jay'd be like, why'd you go to my house three times yesterday? Yeah. Looking in their medicine cabinet. Yeah, what are you doing? Opening drawers, lifting up boxers, looking underneath to see if there's anything in there. Looking at their photo albums. Why'd you look at picture number four three times? What's so weird? Why are you looking at Kim? Yeah, this is a picture of me and Kim. Why'd you look at it eight times yesterday? Why'd you look at the picture of my food? 17 times. It says here, you stayed on this picture of food for 27 minutes. What were you doing? What were you doing?

13:53Seriously, that is creepy. Isn't that creepy? I hope it never happens. Me too. What? I was just looking at it. It was an enchilada. What? I clicked on it. I walked away. I walked away. I walked away and I made a sandwich. An enchilada sandwich. Fine. An enchilada sandwich. A torta. Let's see. There's a local... car dealership that's been ordered to buy back more than 1,500 cars. Yes. A man named Reggie Nelson is the lead plaintiff in this multimillion-dollar lawsuit against Pearson Ford. Now, what he's saying is that he and his lawyer said the dealership, Pearson Ford, changed his payment plan after he purchased his car. Now, after some more research and investigating, a San Diego judge has now ordered... Pearson Ford, to buy back more than 1,500 cars for manipulating contracts. Uh-oh. Yeah, not good. Not good. That ain't good. Mm-hmm. Let's see. We have on hold M1 Eli from Miramar. Are you there? Yeah, I'm here. What's going on, Eli? I was just moving it up, driving away. Right on. What are you calling about?

15:10I was talking about Facebook and if there was some magic app that you could track who was stalking you and all this business. I didn't know if you guys knew, but the military opened up all the social networking sites on the government computers and everybody thought, you know, hey, what's up? Why all of a sudden can we go on there? Well, it turns out they can now use any like Facebook, MySpace or whatever magic website you go on and they can hold you criminally accountable for anything that's against the code of military justice. Wow. See your Facebook page. I wonder if they're, yeah, also just trying to see, like, what are you creeping on? Yeah. There was a story about that about six months ago. We talked about a guy in Camp Pendleton had gotten in trouble for something. He wrote about a bomb on his Facebook page. Remember that? Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, they've been monitoring them for a while, but, I mean. If you have a picture, like, you know, a lot of people have high school pictures from back in the day, and they've got them, like, smoking pot in somebody's backyard or whatever. Well, they'll catch you for that stuff. Or Andre's drinking or fraternization or hugging on a dude, you know, and nothing's changed on it. All that stuff. And they can hold you accountable for it and kick you out and drop them a hat for your Facebook page. Wow. Even if you're, say, 24 now and it happened in high school? Oh, absolutely. Wow. Absolutely. Especially if you didn't tell any of your recruiters or anything. It's not on, like, your contract.

16:25They can absolutely hold you fully accountable for all that. Holy cow. Yeah, don't put stuff like that on the internet. What if someone tags you? Huh? What if someone tags you? They're probably not a good friend of yours because they're probably doing you. Yeah, you better untag it. You're probably still going to get in trouble. Oh, yeah, absolutely. If your face is caught in anything that is unbecoming of whatever your profession is, it's going to be a bad day for you. Wow. Make it all private. I'd be in big trouble. Hey, thanks a lot, Eli. Jay. Jay. Jay's got a very innocent Facebook. Yeah. I looked at it for an hour and a half yesterday. I was on it for six hours yesterday, so I pretty much know it by heart. I did go through all my pictures on Facebook last night. Wow. All of them. Just scrolled through them. Your own? Yeah. Why? I don't know. I want to look at them. You did? Yeah. I do that sometimes. Yeah, I've done it. I want to check them out. See what's on there. Sometimes I'm like, what is this doing on here? Yeah. Delete. Sometimes you delete stuff. You've got to clean hell. Yeah. All right. M1 Beth from San Diego. Hi. Hi. So I have a shameful story to share. All right. I was on Facebook the other day, and I was checking out a friend's page, totally checking him out to see what they were up to, like you guys were saying. And I forgot that I was on his page, and I was updating my status.

17:51Posted my status on his wall. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I've almost done that before. And then they know that you were looking at their page. Yeah, absolutely. I was like, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. What was your status that you put? What did you write? Oh, I love it. I love it. I wrote. I wrote. I love this. I love this. And I wrote something totally sweet. I wrote watching my husband. Helping my son with his homework and feeling totally blessed. Oh, wow. He's like, good for you. Yeah, he writes back. He's like, great. Good to hear it. Yeah, nice. And you can't delete it because it will then send them two messages. One is, you know, deleted and one was originally there. I don't think it sends a message if it deletes. It just shows up in their notifications. That there was a message. That there was. And when they click on it, it's like this post no longer exists. Yeah. Done it. Done it. Oh, wow.

19:05I'm saying. If it were me, I would take the hit of deleting it and have them be like, oh, I wonder what they put. And if they asked me, I'd say, I put something on mistake. Yeah, me too. It was nothing, but it was a status update and it would have gone on your wall. Sorry, I'm Facebook illiterate. Somehow I clicked on your page. But he still knows that she was like creeping. He still knows she was creeping. Yeah. He got the email. Now he really does. I think there was a virus that posted on your wall. Yeah, it wasn't me. Hey, Jay, do we have any extra prizes? Oh, absolutely. I want to give Beth something. I feel bad for her. You poor thing. You went through that. Hang on, okay? Thank you. That was great. Plus, she was really forthcoming. She didn't have to tell us. She did. M1 Crusader from San Diego. Hey, what's up, Mike? What's going on? Hey, Woods, I just wanted to say sorry about the whole adoption thing. You know, that's unfortunate for you and for Jamie. Thanks, bud. I actually went through McDonald's for you, dude. There you go. For you. I'll go through one later for you, Woods. They need to start paying my bills, man. Yeah. Anyone that wants to bring some takeouts, some McDonald's takeouts. Egg McMuffins or whatnot. For me. For Woods. For the cause. I bring a lot of them. Pass rounds. Yeah. Egg McMuffins.

20:23Just taking a soft drink and kind of pour it out in honor of Woods. One for me, one for my homies. He's got one cheeseburger, one Big Mac. That's right. Thank you, dude. Thanks, brother. You guys are awesome. I love you guys. Thank you. Love you. Yeah, there was an outpouring of support for Woodsy yesterday. Dude, I... I got to say, man, thank you to the M1 Nation. You made my day a little easier. I have a lot of messages that I need to get to. I just couldn't do it yesterday. I was not in the right headspace necessarily to get to them, but I will get to each and every one of them, and I really appreciate it. Yep. My family does too. Larry King will be on Piers Morgan tonight, which I don't understand. No. What are you doing over here? Yeah. It's a train wreck. I think we got the seats switched. Nobody watches this. Can I interview you? No, you're not going to interview me. I'm Piers Morgan. I've taken over the spot here. The ratings are terrible. Ratings are terrible. That's true. I had the Kardashians on and I had Kim's large ass in that chair that you sit right now. That's fine, but I read in the New York Daily News. You can't read a thing. You're 147 years old. Somebody read to me.

21:44Fair enough. That your ratings are the worst ever. They're pretty terrible. I think this time we got beat out by Jasper Housewives. No. The real Housewives of Orange County, I believe, beat us. But, you know, as your program director, Mikey, said, it's not a marathon. It's not a sprint. It's a marathon. I'm not Mikey. I'm Larry King. You're Mikey King. I'm Larry King. Mikey King, what you make your show members call you. Isn't that a fact? King Mikey. King Mikey. That's wrong. I never said that. Do you not in fact wear robes? I don't wear robes. Where Jay took a clip that made fun of him off my board. I don't know what you're talking about. What? He needed space and he very... Sneakily. Sneakily chose one of his clips. Jay! You needed space on that board. How dare you, sir. What clip? It was the one of him saying... Nielsen? Nelson? Nelson ratings. No way. You never play it. I thought for sure I could get away. Oh, I was going to play it right now. We want to make fun of you, Jay. You can't just do things like that. Take off the stupid wax and rooster thing.

23:11Lauren's job. I'm never going to have to shave or wax again. Sign me up for that. Ella B hates those. She hates them. Gigantic. That one's stupid. Save that one. Do you know that lawyers have this lawyer comedy they do where they actually write stuff into contracts to be funny? Oh, boy. And, you know, Ed Helms. Yeah, yeah. He had a nudity clause in his last movie. And the lawyers named his prosthetic penis. Oh, wow. And we have audio of him reading directly from the contract. And you'll trip out. It's real. It's awesome. It's real. Play it for you next time. Garrett. Garrett. Garrett. Garrett. Garrett. That's our program, Garrett. Nothing better than Garrett doing Garrett. I know. Good morning, Garrett.

24:57So we're going to play you this audio of Ed Helms talking about how lawyers apparently like to have fun when they're writing up contracts. He had a nudity clause in his contract at the last movie, and they named the prosthetic penis that he used in the movie. And it's real. I mean, they really did this. The lawyers really did this. 8 o'clock, we're going to be reading something to you. It's a text that we got yesterday. This is something that you never point out to a girl. And I don't care what the age is. I don't care if she's a teenager. I don't care if she's an adult. You don't want to point this out? Now, we're going to all probably find it funny. I'm just telling you, probably not a good idea to point it out. Do you think these broads over here are going to find it funny? I was just going to say, am I going to be upset? I still think they might find it funny, but they won't ever. Well, first of all, neither of them deal with this issue. Neither of them deal with this issue. But if they did, they wouldn't want it pointed out. So they might, in fact, deal with this issue. We just can't point it out. They do not deal with this issue. I know that they do not. What the heck? The word of the day is horchata. Shut it. So sometime between now and 10, you're going to hear me use the word horchata in a sentence. Of course they will. And in just about five minutes.

26:23Something new from Uncle Victor. He's not gone. You know, he's just got a different thing that he's got going on. So we'll hear a new Uncle Victor. Yeah, so it was from last night's Conan. And Ed Helms was talking about his nudity waiver. I have to read you some excerpts from this because it's just amazing what we pay people to do to write. Artist has read the screenplay and understands the extent of the nudity simulated sexual arousal, i.e. by means of a prosthetic **** heretofore referred to as peppy, prominently visible under artist's undergarments in order to show the, quote, conspicuous **** scripted in scene 72. Now, this is real. That's real. I should be clear that scene is ****. You don't actually see that. Yeah. But, Boo, I get it. You're upset. But it was in the script, and it was something that we needed to address. They're chanting, Peppy, Peppy, Peppy. They call it Peppy. That's incredible to me. I mean, it's so serious, and now it gets there. It's either a very sexually frustrated lawyer. Yeah.

27:52Or it's their sort of just like inside joke. Yes. That's like lawyer comedy. And this goes on and on and on? There's much more. Artists shall be consulted as to the size, including shape, length, and girth of the peppy. No. Oh, my God. Now, if he wasn't, because that's an actual legally binding contract, if he wasn't, he could take legal action. Yeah. True story. Yes! You have a very good lawyer. And I had very strong opinions about the depiction of mine. I'll tell you, my experience, I didn't get that clause once. No, I sat down, I had five or six. I got the Pepe Jr. Wiener time. All right. It's very subtle. Oh, wow. Very subtle. What did Jamie's text say to you yesterday? It was actually this weekend. She wrote and she goes, babe, do you want some In-N-Out burger? And I wrote back, you know that. And she said, okay, text me your order. So I did. So about 20 minutes goes by. I get a text. I'm sitting at my desk working. And I get a text that says, smallpox good! With exclamation point, exclamation point. And I go, I'm looking at it and I'm like, smallpox good! She wrote back, smells.

29:21Good. Autocorrect. And I was like, how do you get smallpox from smells? You said no, smallpox bad. Yeah, smallpox bad. Smallpox very bad. Very bad. Babe, smallpox very bad. It slayed me, dude. It slayed me. Mine autocorrects the word hun to John, J-O-N. It's so great. Sure it does. That makes more sense. Smallpox like. It's not used more than smells. I know. I know. It doesn't have the same amount of letters. Does it even exist anymore? Smallpox, does it? I thought it was eradicated. Seriously. Tuberculosis, bad. Come on. Dysentery. Dysentery, okay. Okay. So great. Sienna had something interesting, too. She was saying how her younger sister, Waverly, who's 15, gorgeous. Oh, boy. She is. She is. Jay! I mean, just is she? She's a pretty girl. You're not fooling anyone. You guys are real awkward. I'm trying to. Real awkward. Your children. Your children. She is. She is. She is a child. She is a child. Remember that. She's a child. Oh, my gosh. That's what Jay says in his mind every time he sees her. She's a child. Anyway.

30:43You have three kids older than her jacket. I know. She and her boyfriend went to the zoo together. Yesterday, yeah. Now, I thought this was kind of interesting because Sienna brought this up. She says, made her think that when you're in a relationship, that's when you do like little kid stuff. Yeah. That's when you, you know, as a couple, you'll go on swings. You'll get piggyback rides. When you first start dating. Go to the zoo. You don't go to the zoo with your boyfriend of five years or your girlfriend of five years. You don't go to the zoo. No, not necessarily. They were going, like, you know, be cute. They went to the aquarium recently. And I'm just like, I imagine Todd and I at the zoo without Sage. Hey, let's get the hell out of here. Yeah, I'm trying to picture me and Rebecca at Legoland without being arrested as a sex offender.

31:42But when you're first dating, like, it's okay. Yeah. Well, if you're a teenager, too. Yeah, if you're a teenager. Yeah. Oh, my God. I never experienced any of that in high school. You didn't? No, I didn't have a girlfriend in high school. Come on. I did the swings. We used to go to Six Flags all the time. Oh, yeah. We went as a group, but I didn't do the boyfriend thing. I almost think of an amusement park like that, though, with fun rides like that. I don't know. Is that different, Sienna? Yeah. It is? If you go to Disneyland, I would go to Disneyland with Todd. Yeah. For sure. Dude, if Rebecca would go to Magic Mountain where there's roller coasters and stuff, she just would never do that. She doesn't like those rides. Yeah. I'm talking about things that you would take your kids to. If you're dating somebody. Those are fun things to do. The circus. The circus. You would take your girl to the circus and it would be like, cute. I'd be more likely to go to the zoo now with a significant other than Disneyland. Oh my gosh. When I was younger and I would see couples at Disneyland, I'd be like, oh, one day I'm going to come here with my boyfriend. Really? One day and we'll hold hands in line. Yeah. I know couples still go because they love it. I love it, but it just seems.

33:02That's like more of a kid thing than the zoo. I would never, ever. I wouldn't go to the zoo. Jamie, you did? Yeah, I've been to the zoo. She came to visit one time. But you just forgot to tell. Exactly. If you've never been, you got it. Yeah, we heard the San Diego Zoo was badass. It's the best zoo in America. Just imagine waking up, being local here, and being like, hey, babe, let's go to the zoo today. Hey, babe, let's go to SeaWorld. Todd would be like, is there a bar there? Yeah. What are we going to do? We're going to look at koala bears. We are? Why? What? You guys are weird. Where I'm from, that's like a regular thing. Where you're from? Yeah. Where are you from? Escondido? No, I'm from New Jersey. If there's kids, then I get it. Now, wait a minute. Now, that's interesting. Maybe back east. Okay, so you're saying back east. Go to the Bronx Zoo. Go to the Philadelphia Zoo. It's like a cool thing to do. Just go to the zoo. Just go to the zoo.

34:01If you and Matt were there, you would wake up on Saturday, you guys live there, and you'd be like, let's go to the zoo today. Yeah, we might even do that now. And you see other couples that are like 30, no kids, unmarried, boyfriend, girlfriend, just hanging out at the zoo. Yes. Making a zoo day. Yeah, make a zoo day. You guys are crazy. I like it. If I didn't have kids, no way. No, yeah, no way. You just don't, you know? I would, but I don't really like to leave the house, so it's hard to get me to do anything. It seems strange. 570-1949. I would go. I've never been to a circus. Ever. It's nothing special. It isn't? No. It's not fun? No. And your kid, Jake, would freak out at the circus. He wouldn't like it? I don't think he'd like it. I think he would. Well, he didn't like clapping. Yeah. But the other kids, maybe. I didn't like the circus at all. No. And one dog bait from IB. Yeah. What's up, Mikey? What's going on, bro? Nothing, eh? I wanted to call in about taking your date to the zoo or... Circus or something. When I met my wife, she had mentioned that she had never been to a circus. So I was all stoked. I was like, I've been to hundreds of circuses. Wow. Big circus fan. Yeah. She's really into it. So there's a circus set up in Qualcomm parking lot. So I was all stoked. I was like, I'm taking her to the circus. So we went.

35:30And there was like maybe three other people there. And all the performers were also the concession sellers. Oh, man. Oh, wow. Wow. It's like the worst circus experience. Smells like elephant poo. Not elephants, though. They have dogs. Yeah, it's not elephants. It's dogs and chickens. It's a lab. A cat. There's a hamster display here. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Did she hate it? No, it was. It was horrible, but it was the experience. It was so horrible that we enjoyed it. Yeah, great. Carnies were running. And selling you hot dogs. Yeah. Great. Thank you. Would you take your wife to the fair without the kids? We go every year. Without the kids. Why is it different? The fair is different. It's seasonal. I'll tell you why. The fair is different because it only comes once a year. Wait, wait. And it's about food. I have to write all this down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see where one's coming from, but I'm on the same page. I'll give you the rules. Yeah, give the rules. I'll give you the rules. All right. The rules are... Number one. You do not, as an adult, go to anything for children unless said thing is seasonal. For instance, the fair.

36:48I think. I love the fair. It's about food. And there's food. It's food. That's an adult thing. Food. No, not special food. There's not zoo food. Yes, there's zoo food. Really, there's zoo food. There's food that's known for the zoo. Yes, I had a Caesar salad there at San Diego Zoo that was just delicious. Listen. Hot dog on a stick. The food at the fair is the deal. That's grown up. But that's part of the one big draw of the fair. Yeah. Is the food. Yeah. Last year, that was her whole bit. Exactly. Exactly. That's the bit. That's the bit. Now, that's not a kid thing. That's not a kid thing. That's a people thing. Yeah. That's a fat guy's thing. That is Julius. My wife's got to have that cinnamon bun. Oh, it's too good. Chocolate-covered bacon. I don't like it, man. Fried butter. And they have, like, the shows. With all the stuff you see on TV and they do it in the building. Like you can buy the Vegemat and all this cool stuff. We do go for the rides though. Our kids love the rides. I don't ride rides. But what about, okay, so. I'm talking tourist stuff. If a carnival comes to town, it's perfectly acceptable for two adults to go? Yes. No. Yes. Carnival? I say yeah. I don't think so. It doesn't offer adult stuff. That violates my rule though, doesn't it? It doesn't have adult stuff. It violates my rule because it's a seasonal thing. Yeah.

38:06But the fair has adult stuff. Yeah, the fair's about food. For us. Yeah. The rides for kids. Yeah. Wait, carnival? Yeah, carnival. I think they do carnivals much out here. No, there's only... What's a carnival again? What's a carnival? That comes into town. Usually it parks up at like a church or something. In the parking lot. Oh, no, we don't know. What's in there? They have them here. Ferris wheel, the zippity-doo. We call that the fair. Yeah, they call it the street fair. Yeah, street fair. Street fair. Like infinita street fair. No. But that's not even it. I never even went to a carnival. Carnivals are badass. I say it like it's a foreign thing. It's like the movie Big. It's only there and then it disappears. That's right. Gotcha. Now phone lines are blowing up. M1 Riches from San Diego vehemently disagrees with me, right? Thank you. Yes. I think that I have season passes at Disneyland, and I take my kids probably...

39:01Twice a month. Well, that's different. Disneyland is different. We agree with Disneyland. We agree with Disneyland. Not only that, you're taking your kids. That breaks your rule. No, but she's taking her kids. She says even without her kids. I don't like my kids all the time. It's my husband and I who just go. But we said that from the beginning. It does break the rules a little bit, but Disneyland is different because it's so special. It's Disneyland. You guys have personal preferences and not actual rules. Yeah. And it sounds like me and Sienna agree on our personal preferences. Weird. Thank you. Thank you very much, Riches. M1, Sean from Escondido. How you doing? Those are all good things because those are things that you can make a date out of. Yeah. Okay. But that's a new relationship. Yeah, you don't go with your wife, I don't think. No, it's boring. I'm going to the zoo with Matt next week. That's it. Okay. I give it to you, but I'm going to make a new rule. And this one, I will not back out on you. Okay. This one, I will not. Shall I write it down? You've got to write this one down because I will allow grown adults without kids and not married to go to the zoo and do that stuff. Okay? I'll allow it. But this next one, I will never, ever allow. This is a rule of life. If you are single, you never go alone to these places. The zoo, the wild animal park, especially if you're a guy.

40:31What if he just wants to go right? I don't care. Go right. Is it Ernest Hemingway in the zoo? Maybe go to Starbucks, bro. If you're a man, go to the beach. This is where Dr. Seuss got all of his inspiration. At the zoo? Yes. But he drew animals. If you're drawing animals. I'm sorry, but if I had seen Dr. Seuss, I'd have been like, pervert. Yeah, you're a molester. If I had seen him and I didn't know he was Dr. Seuss, and I just saw him by himself at the zoo, I'd be like, molester. In a trench coat, just writing stuff. Just doing things as people walk by. I'd be like, oh, you creep. Fine, if you are a child illustrator, if you're a children's book illustrator. I'll make that one concession. If you're a children's illustrator, you're allowed to go. Go to the zoo. By yourself. By yourself. In a trench coat. In a trench coat. So all you creeps, go get a notebook. You're going to need it. But other than that, LLB, no way. You guys are nuts, though. Don't you think, Mike, if you woke up on Saturday and you and Rebecca are like, ah, babe, let's go to the zoo. Now, because it's not a new relationship, it would be an immediate fight, I think, as well. Like, what are we going to do as a zoo? You're fighting over parking. You didn't break down.

41:49I didn't bring cash. It's free parking at the zoo. Bad example then. I ain't wasting a day at the zoo when her and I could be going to a movie. I could be on the couch. I could be on the couch. Snuggling in a dark theater. I would rather go to the zoo. I like the zoo. She likes outdoors and walking around. Look, babe. He's eating bamboo. Look. I don't see the lion. Do you see the lion? I would prefer the wild animal part. Oh, what's it called now? Oh, I'll go to that. Safari. Yeah. I'll go to that with the wife. That I would prefer. I want to go there and read the zip line. They've got a huge zip line there. M1 Josh from OB. You guys are all crazy. I know. We're really crazy. It's true. My wife and I have been married for a year, and we do. We wake up and we say, hey, let's go to the zoo. Yeah. I know, Mikey. I know you don't drink, but they do sell 44-ounce beers there, people. I know. I know. What about that? Come on, baby. Let's go to Zoom. Hey, baby. Are you going to pee? After you come back from peeing, stop over there and give me a pretzel with mustard and a beer. Hey, baby. You want to go see the lions or the tigers? You guys are clowns. I would get a beer to do in a second. Why not? I need a big-ass beer. Let's go watch the monkeys throw their poop. Hey!

43:14I don't want that 24-ounce. Give me that 44. I'm all in. I'm going to the zoo. They'll give it to you in, like, one of those zoo cups with animals and a straw. Get into a fight with your girlfriend over how much beer you're drinking at the zoo. Out of a hippo cup. My wife cannot drink these, though. Yeah, yeah. There you go. Thank you, bro. They have an entire restaurant in there with a full bar. Uh-huh. Was it? Yeah. Jay talking to us about the Treehouse restaurant, and he was like, let's have a meeting there. That's it. We should go there just for a meeting. We should go there for the show meeting. It'd be cool. We'd be sitting up in the chair. What a beating. But then we'll have to camp there overnight. There's a camping section, too. What a beating. Snore and roar. It's a bit. The snore and roar. That's what it's called. Well, at Animal Park, yeah. You can hear the tigers and lions and bears go. I don't want any. part. You said you'd do it at the bed. Imagine Mikey in a sleeping bag. It would be great audio. Mikey would have the best sleeping bag ever. That's a reality show. The four of us are going out there. You guys, get me out of here. You'd have the best sleeping bag that you'd use once.

44:27Do you guys hear that? This is fun. You hear that? This is great. I have to pee. It's 40 degrees. I'm not getting up. I'm not going with you. Come on, Woods. Hey, I thought we were going to go over some show ideas. So what's on the agenda for Hoyle? I don't know. What's that? I don't know, but I'm going home. You go to the zoo, you see labs. It's Labrador retrievers. I would spring them. From the zoo, 100%. How stinky are the, what are they, the birds with the pink when you walk in? Flamingos. Flamingos. Why couldn't I think of that? I hate that that's the first animal you see. M1 Jennifer from Imperial Beach. Hi. Hi. Well, I was going to say, you know, I'm single, and a lot of times I can't get my friends to go with me anywhere. Yeah. So I end up going to, like, the movies, out to dinner. And maybe even the zoo. It's okay. If you're a girl, it's okay. Oh, stop it. If you're a guy, you can too. No, it is not okay. If you're a girl, you can do that. If you're a guy and I see you at Legoland, I'll have you arrested. 100%. Legoland is different. I can't go to these spots by himself. No.

45:38Zoo is for all ages. Imagine going to Playworks. There's a 44-year-old guy just there by himself. He's a J.W. Tumble. He's a Build-A-Bear. He's like, oh, I just came to tumble. Hey, I can tumble too. What, I can't tumble? Uncle Victor has a new message for us. Yeah. This is Uncle Victor for quit bugging me about my prostate. I already know. Yeah. I was supposed to start checking it when I turned 40 or 50. Son. I'm a 55-year-old man. I'm not a baby. So don't tell me. I don't like the procedure. Invasive. The procedure that bothers me. Rubber gloves. I don't want to do it because it's invasive. And why don't you leave me alone already? Me a lot of JMI. Quit rubbing me about my prostate. He's Italian. It means leave me alone. He sounds like he's been drinking. Wow. You know more Italian than Spanish. Oh my gosh. Thank you, Uncle Victor. That's Uncle Victor for...

47:03Leave me alone about my prostate. It's a great message. It's a great commercial. I like UB. It gets me. That's right. UB. UB. Oh, wow. Let's see. So you know about now Libya's doing the whole protest bit. This is going to be a big problem for Obama pretty soon. It's about to get real weird up in Libya. Oh, wow. You know why? It's about oil. And I have some audio of some very strongly worded comments from Gaddafi's son. I don't know what Obama's going to do. What happens if our gasoline prices go to about seven bucks a gallon? Do I have your attention now? Sienna, what's going on in the news?

48:41Well, three San Diego-based warships are deploying for seven months today. The USS Boxer, the Green Bay, and the Comstock. And they are all part of Camp Pendleton's 13 Marine Expeditionary Unit. It's about 2,200 Marines and 1,800 sailors will be aboard these three ships. Also, there is a 19-year-old Mexican woman on a hunger strike. Did you just say Mikey? No, I didn't. He did. No, I did not. So now we've come to the point where she just says, there's a Mexican woman. Wow. Dude, I'm not sitting over here with a gallon of horchata with like a burrow and back and forth. Aren't you? Aren't you? She's 19 years old and right now she's on the ninth day of her hunger strike. Now what is she trying to accomplish? World peace. Nope, not world peace. Human rights. Yes, human rights. Darfur. Something about Darfur. Darfur. Something about Darfur. She wants an invitation to the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. She is camped outside of the British Embassy in Mexico City. That's not creepy. She said her name is Estabiles Chavez. Estabiles? Estabiles Chavez. Easy. Is Estabiles home? Just call her Esti.

50:00She said, I've been a fan of Lady Di since I was a little girl. My mother was a fan. I promised myself I would go to the next royal wedding. There's no turning back. Maybe don't make promises to yourself. Yeah. That you can't keep. The ninth day of her hunger shike. Over a week. And the embassy's telling her, look, this is impossible. They're not going to let some crazy person go to the wedding. I know. I deserve it. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, sports is brought to you by Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Get some. The Carmelo Anthony trade saga is over. For those of you who don't know Carmelo Anthony, he used to play for the Denver Nuggets. He has now been traded. It has been reported, and this is a blockbuster, my friend. Nine players, three draft picks, and millions in cash exchanging hands. Who is his new team? The New York Knicks. He's going to be in the frontcourt with Amari Stoudemire. So he's going to head to New York with Chauncey Billups, Sheldon Williams, Anthony Carter, and Ronaldo Balkman. That's a good team, right? Yeah, I mean, they're playing really well. And you add Carmelo to the Knicks, he's in New York, big stage. That's what he wanted. He had turned down some opportunities to play for the Nets, but he will be a Knick. In exchange, the Knicks are going to send Raymond Felton, Danilo Gallinari, Wilson Chandler, Timothy Moskov, their first-round pick in 2014.

51:17The Warriors 2012 second-round pick, the Warriors 2013 second-round pick, and $3 million in cash. Oh, wow. So it's a three-team deal, a lot of picks, a lot of players pecking up and moving. And then also yesterday was day four, four straight days for the NFL Players Association and the owners. And one of the biggest points of contention is they are talking about now the season increasing from 16 regular season games to 18. Players don't want it. The owners do. Yeah. And you know what? Fans have been polled. We don't care. We don't care. We just want football. That's right. M1 Frankie V from Laguna. He's stationed here in Coronado. What was the word of the day? You have to say it like Mikey. Horchata. Horchata. I don't say it. Don't you? I don't say it. Don't you? How do you say it? Horchata. Thank you. I'm doing good. I've had horchata once. I have it all the time. Once this morning. Hang on the line, please. You want a pair of anarchy sunglasses, a pair of tickets to see G-Love and special sauce, and a Mikey Show t-shirt. Hang on, okay? I love you guys. Thank you. Love you. Love you. All right, so this could become a problem for Obama. It's not a problem now, but since there was protests in Egypt and they got what they wanted,

52:48Now, the bit in the Middle East is, oh, we Facebook, we get a big protest going, and then we get what we want. So they're doing that right now in Libya. Well, the son of the ruler of Libya, Muammar Gaddafi, whose Muammar was a nut, has come out and said this. Hurry up with the slow connection. Oh, for goodness sake, with you. There will be bloodshed. Rivers of blood will flow. You will migrate from Libya because the oil will stop. The oil companies will leave Libya tomorrow. The foreigners will leave. That is not good. No. Okay, that's not good. Nor is it subtle. No, it's very direct and to the point. If Libya were to stop oil production, and if Libya didn't give the United States any more oil, it would drastically have an effect.

53:49On the cost of gasoline. And I don't want to see gas prices go back up again. They got to figure it out in the Middle East. In Libya, just a little update. Muammar Gaddafi actually was on TV. Yesterday for them, today for us, too, because there were rumors going on that he'd fled the country. He said, look, I'm still here. Also, residents in the Libyan capital, Tripoli, reported food shortages. There's been gunfire. Just crazy stuff going on. Really sad stuff. It's been a week-long protest. And Tuesday morning, they ran out of fuel. And a lot of the residents in Tripoli think that the fuel outage is just another tactic by the regime to let people limit people's ability to move around. So, I mean. No gas. It's bad. Hey, and if you are just waking up and you don't know this already, the big breaking news is this earthquake in New Zealand. I mean, it was huge. A really, really big earthquake in New Zealand that's claimed a lot of lives. And it's just a heavy earthquake. 6.7, I think, which is a giant earthquake, man. Sad. 6.3. Woods for a day is...

55:05Not going to be happening. We got a lot of people that entered into that contest, and they were good, and we appreciate you doing that. Unfortunately, we talked about this yesterday. Woods will not be taking that time off next week. No. Sorry about that, guys. Yeah, but I think people understand. It's sad for you and your family, dude. But we just need to let people know and get the word out that that is not going to be happening. So L.O.B. said that she's been trying to stick to her, you know, workout, eat regime. All right. She's trying to stick to eating healthy and exercising. I don't know. I walked into our bedroom the other day. My wife was doing crunches. Nothing wrong with that, pal. I know. I know. I know. I just I see it around me. I'm like, oh, boy. Wasn't that some red velvet cake you were eating this morning there, Mikey? Like a whole cake? It's killing me! It's killing me! It's not a whole cake. It's a bunt cake, so the middle is missing. Who said that? Did you ever just get called out by Jay? Wait, wait, wait! Who had four donuts yesterday? Four donuts! Like a madman.

56:27Three. But you know I behaved after that for the rest of the day. I'm sure I did too. Didn't I? No, I didn't. Like Troy Polamalu in that commercial with the hair. I didn't. Yeah, I had a small piece of cake. My wife asked me with a note to get it out of the house. How'd it get in the house? So did I. They had a bunch of girls over and one of them brings dessert. Oh, that's nice. So just checking up on him. So Ella B goes to a yoga class and I had no idea that this happens. But apparently during this class, the instructor asks everybody to partner up with someone. What? What class did you go to? Not okay. And she says, and you guys know this about Ella B. She, a lot like me, she needs her personal space. Okay. Sometimes Woods can be a space invader, like during commercial break. Woods will come talk to me. Did you notice that, Woodsy? And I do the step back bit. Woods will walk right up to me.

57:40Almost to where we're touching chests. Yeah, this spit will land on your face easily. I didn't say that. I didn't say that. Really? I didn't say that. Really? I didn't say that. It's an example of how close you are. You've never spit on me. Yeah, I don't mean like that. You've never spit on me. I get close to you as a bit because I know that you're a lunatic about it. Touch my body. Now you love my car. Yeah, I do. I mean, I almost touch his body, you know. That's great. I don't get that close to you. I don't get that close to normal people when I talk to them. Don't you? No, I do it as a bit. You kind of are a little close talker. No. No. I like it. No. You are a close talker. No, I am not. A little bit. I'm not like. You are a close talker. Whoa. You do walk right up to people. I do it to make you uncomfortable. Is that weird? Now you are. But you will. You know, occasionally. I will talk this close to L.O.B. Yeah, but you're sitting down. If we're standing up and people know this. Is that something about me? Really? I like it. I feel comfortable. You just spun me out. Oh, boy. I'm a close talker. No, you're not a close talker. And I'm fat. You're definitely not fat. You require less personal space than Mike and I. You're a close talker. So, L.O.B. L.O.B.

59:02She needs her personal space. And she doesn't really appreciate having somebody grab her legs. Doesn't she? Her having to grab a stranger. Oh, okay. Guy or girl? Girl. Uh-huh. There's one guy in the class, and the instructor partnered up with him. She says, at one point, I was supposed to do a handstand, and my head was literally in between a woman's legs. Yep. And she said... Just like in college. Holy... So L.O.B. is thinking in her head, I don't think it's going to happen. I don't think it's going to happen. I don't think it's going to happen. Oh, no. I said it out loud. Oh, you said it out loud? Mm-hmm. I go, it's not going to happen. It's not going to happen. And I was like, ah! And I wriggled away from her. And I was like, I don't want to do this. Oh, my God. She's like, are we breaking up?

1:00:00Then I had to do the reverse. Wait, so you were doing a handstand and she was holding your legs? She was supposed to, but I couldn't do it. Why? I couldn't pull the trigger because it was so intimate. And a stranger. It was so intimate. And sweaty. Sweaty. Did everyone else do it? Of course. Everybody tried, but it was really hard. It was like a hard maneuver to try to do a handstand. Did you yell out no means no? I should have. Did you yell out, it's my body and no means no? I saw the one guy in the class and I was like, who's the woman that's going to get paired up with him? But the instructor took one for the team and paired up with him. It's not okay. Does it smell like fart in there? No. But when I want to work out, no. He's never been to a yoga studio. Haven't I? No. I've only done the Bikram yoga, the hot yoga, and it's... That stinks. It's 100 degrees in there. 98 or whatever. It's so gross. But when you want to work out, you don't want to be revving up and trying to do things with other people. Especially a stranger. I don't like it. I didn't like it at all. I don't like being called on in class. M1 Katie from San Diego has the most awkward story like that. Go ahead, Katie. Hi. Thank you. I've been to 100 yoga classes.

1:01:21I've never had to get physical or touch the person next to me. And all of a sudden the instructor says, pair up with somebody. So we pair up and I'm with an older woman, like a late 40s. And we're supposed to sit back to back and reach each other's, like grab each other's hands on the back to like stretch our backs out. Right. I get what you're saying. Okay. Yeah. So I'm reaching around and I like can't grab her fingers. Like, am I doing it wrong? Like, I'm kind of weirded out. We're not facing each other. Like, we're, like, looking in opposite directions, like, back to back. It's hard to explain. Yeah, I know. I got a perfect picture of it, actually. I'm reaching for her fingers and she goes. Oh, sorry. I only have four fingers on that hand. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, no. Oh, no. I didn't mean to laugh. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. Wow. That's so bad.

1:02:28Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't demonstrate. No, no, no. No, no, no. What is it? I would go to that instructor afterwards and I would go, you monstrous monster. You come outside with me right now. I'm going to have a talk with you. Don't you ever. Of course. Same thing. I've been to hundreds of yoga classes. I've never been asked to pair it up. And it happened twice. And I was like, oh, I don't know if I can go. I really like the rest of it. I feel sore everywhere. It's a great workout. But I don't think I can do that again. They should have like a name, part of the name of the class, like partnered yoga, you know, so you know what you're signing up for. You bring a friend. I don't like anything that has to do with partnering up. Me neither. I don't like the partner up bit anywhere. We had the team building exercise that Lincoln Financial did. And we was like, we got the seats and we got a cushy little spot. And we were like, oh, you're next to me. We got a good table going. And then they were like, okay, now get up.

1:03:39Now walk over, find people with the same month as your birthday. I hated it. People I don't know. I don't want to talk to anyone else. And the whole point is to take you out of your comfort level. And you're just instantly like, it's too far out of my comfort level. Yeah, we've already walked in here after we did a morning show. We've been up since 3 o'clock in the morning. We got a meeting till 2. We're already out of our comfort level. Plus I had my Danish. I had everything where it was supposed to be. And then I had to balance it and try to go to a new table. I had my friends that I felt so good. Safe with. Yes. And you've got to walk over. You're like, hi. Hey, how are you? What are you doing here? Sorry, I've never introduced myself before. You know they're thinking the same thing. They're looking at me. They're like, okay, so I'm here with a redhead, a short Mexican, bald Mexican. Like, what is this? And one person at every table. Got to be the guy. The guy. The guy. Oh, I had him. I had him at my table. Everybody's got that guy. The leader. More like a loudmouth? Well, the leader slash loudmouth. And I wasn't it at my table, so that tells you something. No, I wasn't. I wasn't. He was it at his table. I didn't say a word. I'm not that guy. He was. You are that guy, Mike. I'm not. In meetings? In that other meeting, you are. Oh, I will say things. Seattle! I will say... Okay, wait. We're pranksters. Only when he feels safe next to us. Yes, I'm a prankster. When we're together.

1:05:05I am a prankster at meetings. Only when you feel safe. You're that guy. Yeah, but I'm not the partner up and now I'm at a table with strangers and I'm going to be – then I'm definitely not. You're not because you're out of your comfort zone. Out of my comfort zone. We went to – I felt bad about the casket thing. Like I think that really got people upset. I don't think anyone knew what the heck you were doing. Nobody knew what you were doing. They probably thought you were sleeping. Casket. The last meeting that we had, the staff meeting, it was going on for a while. You were demonstrating like you were in a casket? Yeah, I crossed my hands across my chest, and I stiffened my body and closed my eyes. Well, in your defense, you'd been up for 16 hours at that point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny. I laugh. I love those meetings. I didn't know what you would do. We do bits the whole time. Yeah, Jay took a picture of me and posted it on Facebook.

1:05:56Captain Collar. I don't like that you guys do bits the whole time. I know. Why? I'm trying to pay attention. Oh, don't be that, girl. And be a good employee. I laugh out loud. Are you mean for real? Sienna laughs out loud. I can't hold in the laughter. So you know Garrett, like, and then Seattle, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like. Can I say this? Why is this? Someone explain this to me. Am I hurt, sad, or fearful? Why am I irritated that she takes it so seriously? Because she's so business oriented. They are taking it seriously. We're a morning show. Who cares? When we have our meetings, you guys can do bits. It makes it fun. Can you get Garrett on the phone? Absolutely. Absolutely. It's not just Garrett that does have a meeting. I'll just tell you guys. Get the hell out. Bill gets up and talks. Well, he came in. Our engineers. Well, they're supposed to talk. We have compliance people that get up and talk, and you guys are like, hello, baby, the whole time. That's because he's a good-looking black guy. Sharp black dude. He is. But still, it's very distracting.

1:06:59I couldn't even look at him because of you guys. He walked in the door, and I go immediately. It was simultaneous. You heard four people go, L-O-B. Poor Lauren. She knows it's coming. She's like, all right, go ahead. She's red before we ever do it. And then I'm looking at him like, uh-huh, compliance, yeah. Okay, whatever you say. And he's like, why did everybody just at the same time go, L-O-B? He knows why. He knows why. He knows why. But you guys do things, and then I'm sitting in the front, and I'm laughing in the person's face who's trying to talk. That's why we do it. I know. That is why I do it. But that's why it makes me not very nice. It's okay. I can't stop. It makes me hurt. You don't have to. I'm not. It makes me hurt, sad, and fearful. You don't have to do it. I'm going to do it. You don't have to stop, I mean. Oh, I'm going to keep doing it. I think the rest of the people, though, that aren't on our morning show and don't get the jokes, don't think it's funny. Come on, you guys. See, that's the problem. And then I look rude because I'm laughing out loud. Garrett didn't pick up? No, not yet. I feel like a jerk because I'm laughing while they're trying to be talking about something serious. And I'm like, in their face. That's great. In the face. We have fun. We have fun. Don't take that away from us, please.

1:08:06Just trying to have some fun. You guys have fun 24-7? Yeah. Yeah. Try to. Good way to live life, man. That's right. Yeah, man. On someone else's hurt, sadness, and fearfulness. We're not making them hurt, sad, and fearful. They're going to tell us to stop now. I think some are hurt, sad, and fearful. Oh, well. Okay. They are not. Maybe get a sense of humor. What? I don't think they are. No, they're having fun. We'll take a poll next time. Yeah. I'll be more clever about it. I'll be more veiled. Maybe I was a little... You were perfect. You slayed me. He was lying there as if he was in a coma for an hour. I got a coma, a casket. Every once in a while, I would open the casket, and I would look out, and I would see if we were still in a meeting, and we were, and so I would throw my cape back over my face, and I would go back into the coffin. You almost hit Tim Piles with your cape. Yeah, he was like, what is that? What is that?

1:09:08I'm doing this. With your imaginary case, you almost hit somebody in the face. Our one-hour meeting went for an hour and a half. I left. I got up and walked down. Jay left. Happy birthday. I got to go. I got to go. Jared said till noon. I told him he said till noon. I was like, I got places to be here. You left in here since four in the morning, please. He left at four noon. It's brilliant. And Jay stayed in time for the free pizza and then left. That's right. He brought a box with him. Sienna, are we on three? Yeah. Okay, because I thought we were going to play a game. Yeah, it is. It's on there. It's the last thing before the extra story. Let's play Radio Charades. We need a break, though. We do? No. We have two minutes. We have two minutes. Plenty of time. All right. Well, here's what I can do during the two minutes. I can do some Bikram yoga. I'll just get us all up to 120 degrees. Let's partner up. We partner up. We'll partner up. Sienna and Lauren, you guys are partners. This is filthy, and this is a true story. If you have kids in the car, cover their ears. But it's a true story. Lady Gaga. I'm 100% on Lady Gaga, how I feel about her. I think she's horrific. Really? I like her music, unfortunately. Catchy. Yeah. She's got a perfume with blood. She's coming out with a perfume with blood and semen in it. It's disgusting. Come on. I think she's just, you know, and obviously she's doing a lot of this.

1:10:40For the shock value. Well, I mean, obviously it's for the shock value. But the problem with it is I think it desensitizes us. Yeah. Yes. You know, I think it desensitizes us. Where's she getting that stuff? Yeah, who's donating that? I mean, that's a lot of donations. Well, here's what she said about it. The perfume smells like an expensive hooker. In terms of the process of creating the perfume, I wanted to extract the feeling and the sense of blood and semen from molecular structures. That's where that came from. That is in the perfume, but it doesn't smell like it. Just an idiot. I can't help it if I was born this way. You weren't born this way. I was born this way. You weren't, Lady Gaga. I was born with a sense of needing to be unique, special. You're from Brooklyn. Gaga. Yes. Your name is Stephanie. You were a waitress. It was. Yeah. I was reborn from the egg. You were not born out of that egg. I was reborn. You said that you were born out of it, and that's like you were hatched. I said I was born this way. I know, but you also said you came out of an egg. You didn't. You bought that egg. You had somebody make it out of cardboard or something. I came out of an egg when I was about 13. No, you didn't. I did. It's ridiculous. I did, and then I had Stephanie. When you heard Madonna's Express Yourself. Yeah, and Stephanie came out of an egg.

1:12:00No. At that point, I was just Gaga. I added the lady after I turned 21. So you were born out of the egg at 13. You were Gaga. I was Gaga at 13. Then at 21, you were now a lady. Yes. And you became Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga. You can call me Gaga if you want. I do call you Gaga. You can be a crackhead. You can be a crackhead. I have Gaga in the closet. All right. All right. It's a scent. It's so gross. You know, the fad of guys having man bags is leading to back problems. Is that man boobs or man bags? Is that what you're calling it? Like a merse. Oh, like your merse. Like Woods carries a merse. I carry a backpack. You carry a merse, my friend. You know how Woods has that? I have a backpack.

1:12:51You have a Louis Vuitton bag that you carry. It's a satchel. Yeah. It's a satchel. If anybody in this room carries a man purse, it's you. You put books in it and stuff like that. Cologne. Cologne. You've got enchiladas coming out of yours. Eyeglasses. Wet naps. I don't wear glasses. Oh, forget. You have a Merit Merch. And you tell everybody. You're like, look, it's Louis Vuitton. It's Louis Vuitton. Yeah, like that makes a difference when you're carrying around a man purse. I have a backpack. He has a Louis Vuitton man purse. Like, hey, Woods has a purse. It's Louis Vuitton. Yeah, Stephen Slater called us last week, said it was gay. Hey, let's play Radio Charades. Call us right now. 570-1949. Who is this? Paramore. Ah, that's good. I like it. This would be a good song to... Yeah. Maybe not a good song to walk into the Alaskan wilderness to. All right, it's time for us to play some Radio Charades. Now, Radio Charades is a game where you call and I will be your eyes. And Sienna and Woods and L.O.B. will act out. They will actually act out a movie title. If you get it in 60 seconds, you win. What's the prize, Jay? We're going to hook them up with a Mikey Show t-shirt. Very nice.

1:15:24Let's see. M1 Meter Reader from Oceanside. How are you? Great. All right. Are you ready to do this? Yeah, let's do it. All right. Woods is going to be your... Oh, Sienna's going to be doing it. Sienna's going to be... Yeah, you don't pick. Sienna's going to do it. And you got 60 seconds. And I will be your eyes. If you know what it is, just yell it out, okay? All right. All right. Here we go. You got two words in this movie title. Second word. Punching. Fighting. Fight. Fighter. Fighter. Fighter. That's the word. Fighter's the word. First word. She doesn't know how to act out the first word. But it's something fighter. It's a movie. What? Oh, yeah. She's going to act out the letters. Oh, that looks like a T. Oh, look. That looks like an H. Oh, look. That looks like an E. There you go. Wow. That's actually against the rule. That was definitely some rule bending. How do you act out the? I mean, the. I never heard of that movie. The Fighter? Oscar winner. Nominee. Nominee. Nominee for Best Picture. Mark Wahlberg? No. Christian Bale? No. The Fighter? Nope. Nella B's defense, she just moved to America. Fresh off the boat. She doesn't have cable. The new movie? It is. M1 Vanessa from Oceanside. Good morning. Good morning.

1:16:55How are you? I'm doing good. How are you doing? I'm good. I'm great. Thanks, Mikey. Woods is going to be acting this movie out for you, and I'm going to be your eyes, okay? Okay. All right. And all you got to do is figure out this movie within 60 seconds, and you win. Here we go. All right. This movie has two words in it. The first word, prey, dinosaur, lion. Lion. Predator. Hunting. Predator stalking. Hunt. Hunt. No, forget it. Here's the second word. O. O. Peace. Crotch. Balls? Balls? Ball. Ball. Ball. The second word is ball. The first word. Oh, gosh. Scary. Monster. Monster. The first word is monster. Monster ball? Yes. Oh, my gosh. Good. Wow. He points to his boys. I got that. You're pretty good. I got it. You guys didn't get the monster? I did afterwards. After you said ball. I thought you were doing scare. Scary. Lion. Lion. Predator.

1:18:17Okay, hang on the line, Vanessa. You have won a Mikey Show t-shirt, okay? Oh, thank you. Hang on a minute. Up next, M1 Byrie. Are you there? Oh, boy. He even told me and I still messed it up. B-R-E. M1 Byrie from Chula Vista. L-O-B is going to act us out for you. You've got 60 seconds to movie title. Are you ready? Yep. Yell it out as soon as you think you know it. Here we go. This one has three words in it. Second word. She's down on her knees. She's roaring. She's roar. Bark. Rowl. Maine. Lion. Lion is the word. The second word. I meant. That's what I meant. Three for three. You are a winner. Good job, Mike. Hang on the line, please. Okay. Oh, man. I love that game. I get very. I'm sweating. I get very, very scared when we do it. You've known them. You've seen them. They may even be you. Woods just points them out. It's time for Dude, You're Dumb. We haven't done Dude, You're Dumb for a while. Long time. Long time, but we had a couple. And if you have a Dude, You're Dumb, you can call us. 570-1949. Dude, You're Dumb is basically just that guy or girl. It's the guy or the girl in line that does the weird thing. You'd wonder, like, why are they doing that?

1:19:51Or maybe they're in traffic. They do something. You're like, why are you doing that? What do you do? What are you up to? Yeah, you're dumb. Woods, what do you got? I had to dust it off and bring Dude You're Dumb back for this reason. There's something that's been driving me insane. Yeah. And it's on Facebook. Okay. And I'm guilty. I did it one time. I haven't done it since. I'll never do it again. Uh-oh. The repost this to your Facebook if you hate kids. I did it one time. I did it one time. What? Everybody does. Oh, I did it once. When I did it, I go, why did I do that? Why did I do that? I don't do that. Oh, it's a nuisance. It's the new bit. Why did you do it? It was for kids with special needs. And how was that going to change kids? I don't know. What does that bit do? Because maybe Mark Zuckerberg would see it if enough people. Oh, wow. Did you change your picture to a cartoon character? I did not do that when that went down. I didn't do the doppelganger either. Mark Zuckerberg stuck a saber through his best friend's throat. I don't think he's going to see that on your page.

1:21:08There are certain people in Facebook world that do it every day. They've got a new cause. Now, listen. I hate cancer just like the next guy. All right? I'm all the way out. Unlike the rest of you that are pro-cancer. I am all the way out on cancer. I have lost loved ones and family members to cancer. I think we all have. I think we all have. I'm not posting it to my Facebook. I'm sorry. I'm not going to repost it. Of course you're not. Here's the other one about Facebook. There's a few. We can go to Facebook all day. The other one is. Please respond to this message and let me know how we met and how we are friends and what you think about me. I'm like, you've not seen that? There's some that are like, yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, please respond to this in the next three minutes if you are truly my friend. If not, I will delete you. Have you ever received that message?

1:22:04From an adult human. Yes. An adult. My adult. A 50-year-old. Oh, yeah. No. Oh, yeah. Please repost this in the next three minutes and let me know how we met. Geet. Geet. Geet. Geet. Geet. A life. Here's what Facebook should be for. Posting pictures of your kids, your wife, your girlfriend, the fun things that you do. And then updating your status. If you do anything, update your status with what you're doing. People want to know. We're all voyeurs. Other than that, that's it. That's all you can do. If you do anything other than that on Facebook, dude, you are dumb. I wish there was an option. And you could click on this button. And by clicking on this button, you will never get a mafia war. You can. You can block it. I'll show you how. I blocked Farmville and Mafia Wars. Oh, I'm so happy. Really? I'm not giving you seeds for your garden, okay? On farm building. Oh, yeah. I blocked it. I'm not going to help you grow corn. And I'm also not going to help you find that jewel. And I'm not going to help you whack some guy either, okay? No. No. Because I don't care that you're rising in the ranks. It's just the repost to Facebook bit has been killing me. And it's every day. If you know somebody that...

1:23:27has four tires in their car, repost this to Facebook in the next five minutes. If you know somebody that likes oxygen, repost this to Facebook. I'm like, if you love America. If you love America, repost this now. And if you don't, you might as well be a Nazi. I have a Deuteronomy. Do you? And don't freak out. It's something that I know. I'm already freaked out. Here we go. I just, the thought crossed my mind this weekend when I saw it and I laughed. It was raining. And I saw a guy with an umbrella. Sienna! Doing what? Doing what? He was just by himself. He was robbing a liquor store or something, right? No, it's weird to see a guy just with an umbrella. What? What are you supposed to do? What are you supposed to do? I don't know, grab a hood and run? Umbrellas are only for girls. Okay, a guy could be holding an umbrella with a girl. What if he's on his way to pick up a girl? It looks weird. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. You're insane. Listen, I want to spend five minutes in Sienna's mind sometime. I'm telling you, a real man would use it. Oh, my God. Wow. I know you guys are going to freak out. That's how I thought. Sienna, I would think it was nerdier.

1:24:39To see some dude walking in the rain. No, that's bad. Getting poured on. Not walking. He's running. He's tough. He doesn't care. If I see some dude and he's like, I feel sorry for him. Yeah, I'm like, you're an idiot. He's a pauper. Yeah. He's a pauper. Who says that? My mom. I don't even know. He's a pauper. No. Come on. You feel bad. You're like, oh, look at this guy. The guy with an umbrella. Look at the rain guy. Plans for it. And he bought that umbrella at Target. And he's like, what's a manly umbrella? Or he bought it for three bucks at 7-Eleven because it rains. It's a boring rain. If I didn't have an umbrella and I saw a guy with one, I'd be like, nerd. Do you think... Oh my gosh. Woods, women are freaking judging us for umbrellas. I forget. Do you think the most interesting man alive would carry an umbrella? No, he's going to run through that rain like a champion. I believe the most interesting man alive has... An umbrella made out of coconut husks. I see what Sienna's saying. Do you think Johnny Cash carried an umbrella? No, he ran. He ran in the rain. That guy grabbed an old newspaper. He pulled it up over his head and he ran. She's freaking right. Not only do I use an umbrella, but the other day I used a beach umbrella to go get Jasper at school. One of the big ones. I almost used that the other day. You've given up, buddy. Johnny Cash would not. I hate that bitch.

1:26:03Dude, Mike, he would have a cup of coffee in a styrofoam cup, and he would have a newspaper, and he would walk through the rain. And he'd be a cold, wet SOB. Or he might have an all-black umbrella that covers your face. You have to admit, Mike, when you get out of your car and say you have an umbrella in your trunk or whatever, The thought crosses your mind that you look a little weird. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever did it cross my mind. No, it will now. I'm cold. It's wet. It's raining. I do have a waterproof jacket, though. You know, put on a windbreaker. I only agree with Sienna if I forgot the umbrella. Then it makes the guy look like, oh, really? Would you get up and check the news? Would you get on weather.com this morning, Mr. Prepared Man? It just seems like... How expensive are those shoes or is that jacket, your sweater? You can't get a little wet. I don't like water all over me. Just run inside. You just got to run. Men run, women carry umbrellas. Yes. I can deal with that. Now, in Seattle, a guy with an umbrella makes sense. Here in San Diego, it rains five times a year. Who's the guy that went and checked the weather that morning? That's true. I will say yes to that. How about the guy check the weather? Because he went outside.

1:27:18He looked outside. Oh, look, it's raining. Got to go get my umbrella. But I'm going to drive to work. I'm going to get out of my car. I'm going to get drenched. Yeah, you got to run. Because I don't want to just pee. Just run. Run. Run. We're talking about Mikey. I've never seen you with an umbrella. And if I had, you would have heard this a long time ago. Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. No more umbrellas. They're out like cargo shorts. I will not be shamed out of an umbrella. I just did for the record. Comfort. Comfort. For the record. I will be carrying a newspaper with me. No, it doesn't. I mean, just. Pull your jacket up over your head and just run. Then I think, that's a badass. It just depends on how far you have to go. But you can't run cool in the rain and look cool. You can. You look like an idiot when you run in the rain because you don't want to slip. No, you don't look like an idiot. You look like a badass. Yeah, you can. M1 Steve-O from Mira Mesa. The A Mikey Show. Love you guys. Thank you, bro. A couple things. I was going to change my name to M1 Coagulated Blood, but... M1 Salad Blood. I'm out of... My Nirvana, don't bring it up. So I'm going to leave that. But back east in every major city when it rains, there's a million guys selling umbrellas and everybody uses an umbrella. Period. Right. I get that. We ain't back east, though. I carry an umbrella. What do you want? I've only lived in San Diego, so I can only speak for San Diego. Yeah, you ought to live back east like me. No, so I'm not used to rain all the time. I'm from back east. That's why I wear it. That's why I use it. I agree with him. Yeah, I use it. I ain't a P word.

1:28:43If you know it's going to rain every day during that season, you can have an umbrella. You keep it in your car, just in case. You don't have a car. Keep it for a rainy day. In the cities, in the East Coast. That's right. For a rainy day. Come on. You have it in a closet for a rainy day. Yeah. Then when it rains, you bring it out. Bring it out. What's the matter with that? It makes me tough. How you doing? You look not as tough because you have an umbrella. Stare the dude in the neck with it. No, you don't. You can't do that. I've definitely seen some badass movie scenes, though, where a guy is like... He's got an umbrella. It's a big umbrella. What movie? I don't know. Maybe if he's holding it over a girl, I'm all right with it, but I can't think of a badass movie. Emma Gordon Bombay for Mission Valley. Yeah, I was going to say, the ladies on the show, you can't be so judgmental when you only work about 10 feet from where you park in that garage. Some of us have to walk about three quarters of a mile. We don't park in the garage. What about that? You've got to walk a long way. Yeah. There would have to be the right circumstance. It doesn't matter. She still thinks it looks dorky. I agree with her now. I'm speaking the truth, and it crosses my mind when I see it. I would agree with her. What looks dorkier, though? A guy trying to dash through the rain like an idiot or a guy walking all calm, cool, and collected with an umbrella? Prepared. And how about this? Umbrella's not a bracelet. It's not an accessory. Who looks dorkier? The guy squishing through the hallways at work that's soaking wet or the cool, calm guy?

1:30:10That had an umbrella and looked sharp when he walks into work. The guy that gets all wet stinks. Yeah. And he's squishing around. The guy that threw his jacket over his head smells like musty, rainy stink. He smells like stinky, damp. He smells like a man. Like a man. He smells like a man. A musty man. I'd rather be a dry man any day. Yeah. All right. He smells like a camel. I'm with you, kid. I will never carry it again. My husband does not own an umbrella. Yeah, I don't. I own one, but I won't use it anymore. But you don't really need one. I just bought one in San Diego. I've been here for almost eight years. I just bought one. M1 Shannon's got a great point. M1 Shannon from Vista. Yeah. How's it going, guys? I love listening to your show. Thank you. Hey, Chuck Norris uses an umbrella. Yep, thank you. Good enough for me. It's good enough for me, too. Chuck Norris would use an umbrella. In a movie. He'd use it. In real life. Well, he was playing a gay guy in a movie and they made him do it. That's true. Chuck Norris would do it. I bet Bruce Willis would use an umbrella. Oh, yeah. He likes dudes. He's a little metro. He's a little metro. Oh, Bruce Willis? Yes. He is a man. I almost said manicure, pedicure, and then I didn't want to hurt Mike's feelings. Too late. Okay, William Wallace wouldn't have used an umbrella. Exactly. They weren't invented. They weren't invented. He doesn't need it.

1:31:31He's tough. He was William Wallace. What's a little water going to do to you? To a wool little thing that he wears. One cloth. Kilt. Countryman. I see rain. And the leaves. As it pours here. Dude, you have to ask yourself. Freezing the balls off. The rain's pouring down all over me head. I feel like a dish bag. I got this umbrella. I got it for Christmas. And I feel like a friggin' douchebag. Me wife got it for me. And I wear it. I use it. And I've got to admit, I feel like a douchebag. What are you gonna do? She bought it.

1:32:46I got away. Take it back. I'm not taking it back. Got to use it, man. Take it back. You can take away the ring, but you'll never take my umbrella. Are you telling me? That when you go up to the checkout line and you're buying an umbrella, you don't feel a little lame. I made my wife do it. Yes! That's something you made my wife do. My wife bought me one. She bought me one. It's red. You didn't make her do it because you felt like less of a man. You just, within the last 20 minutes, feel like less of a man. I chose a black umbrella. Yeah. Weird. It's got skulls and crossbones on it like your lunchbox. I thought yours was Louis Vuitton. How dare you? Burberry. Burberry. Jamie has a $300 Burberry umbrella. I'm like, man, it's for girls. She's a girl. Yeah, she's a girl. What? Yeah. Money well spent indeed. Isn't it better that it's black? Yeah. It's certainly better. Bigger. Bigger. Back about 18 and 25. Y'all don't know what the hell I'd do if I had an umbrella.

1:34:03I'd use it. No, you wouldn't. Johnny, you wouldn't use an umbrella. I would use the umbrella. And then I'd do a line of cocaine and shoot my best friend just to watch him die. There you go. I don't believe that. The first part. One of her brothers was a bad outlaw. Do you think that if he went to Folsom Prison to visit a friend and it was pouring rain, he wouldn't take him? Hell no. No. He'd run in with a newspaper over his head. No, he'd shake it out. That's a long walk. He would run in. He'd shake it out. He'd look like a moron, too. He'd look like a moron. No. I don't care if he's Johnny Casico. Look at Johnny looking like a dummy today. Nope. Squeaking with his rubber shoes against the floor. It's fine. Everyone is. What's the matter with you, Johnny? It was squeaky shoes. Forgot my umbrella. Don't carry one. Bad Blake would not.

1:34:50Bad Blake would not carry an umbrella. Hey, a little rain ain't going to mess with me. That's because he was drunk. That's a perfect example of who I'm talking about. Bad Blake would not use umbrellas. He would not carry it. The guy peed in an empty milk cart. Yeah. In my defense. And if he was, if Bad Blake was driving you around in his Suburban and you tried to get out with an umbrella out of his, he'd go, boy, put that damn umbrella down. You ain't going to be walking in the store with me carrying an umbrella. You ain't going to be a good one. McClure is carrying an umbrella. Hell no. Hey. You fairy? Put that umbrella now. He's tough. He's a real man. Oh my gosh. Has she shamed us out of a... No. She got me. I'm a shamer. That's what I do. You're a professional. You guys are going to be some wet shamed people. Fine by me. At least I'll be cool. Smell like a man. Good luck with that. Smell like a camel crotch. You go in there all wet. He already does. Do I? No. I wash my hair every day, pal. Me too. Do you? When we come back, I'm going to read that text to you that we got. Oh, no. You do not. If a girl has this issue, you don't point it out. Oh, boy. You don't point it out. Who's this? Acceptance. I like it. All right. Sienna, what's going on in the news?

1:37:16Due to a budget shortfall, more budget cuts, it looks like hundreds of San Diego teachers could be facing layoffs. Now, direct officials are identifying more than 900 positions, which could get cut. 700 of those positions are teachers from kindergarten to high school. About 495 elementary schools would deal with this. And what they want to do to make up for it is put more kids in a classroom. So there's less teachers, more kids for them to teach. We should build a high-speed train, though. Oh, boy. You didn't spend $25 billion on it. Well, they're saying average is about 24 students per class. They want to bump it up to 29. Oh, that's a lot. Yes, it is. It seems small to me, but it makes a difference. It's a lot. It really makes a difference. Yeah. I've seen a lot more. I like that. Well, this? Yeah. Thank you. Guys, can guys pull that off? No. No. You're not wearing a vest in here. No, I don't mean that. Mikey. Dude. You're not wearing a vest in here, pal. It's okay, Mike. It's okay. I have a couple vests I wear. I have seen some cool vests. It's the life preserver vest. Uncle Rico. Uncle Rico. Don't get mad, Mike. I think they came back, though, didn't they? They're back. They're back. If you have a thermal underneath and like a guy and one of those vests, I think you could look like pretty rad. It's kind of cool. Yeah. Okay.

1:38:40Hey, listen. I'm not doing it, but have a ball. You'll do it. I'll show you a look that you'll like. I kid sets of trends. I don't follow. Do you? Don't I? You in your skinny jeans yesterday? Yeah, I'm wearing them today. Also, there's some after recent brain research, there is a new study that shows that bilingual people's brains function better. When dealing with Alzheimer's. Now if you learn a second language. Apparently it will protect you from Alzheimer's. After they tested hundreds and hundreds of people. They saw that the people that know two languages. Their Alzheimer's didn't kick in. Until about an average of five years. After the people that only spoke one language. My mom speaks two languages. She got Alzheimer's. We should tell her. To speak more Spanish. It would help. It triggers something in your brain. To be working extra hard. That's good. Tell her. Tell her to speak more Spanish. Tell her to use her left hand and brush her teeth, too. Really? Mm-hmm. Switch it up. I like that. Mm-hmm. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? In what has to be the weirdest story of the day, Charlie Sheen had a party at his house recently. And when I tell you the roster of people that he had at his house, he did a private screening of the movie Major League, which he was in. He played Wild Thing. He flew Giants closer, Brian Wilson, one of our favorite.

1:40:01characters in sports out there to hang and watch. And Wilson was all the way in and said, absolutely, I'll go. Sheen flew him out, had a big party at his house. I think it was just a sober party. Totally. He's technically in rehab at home right now, Charlie Sheen. He's been in there since January 27th, and he is going through home rehab. But he had Brian Wilson out there. You know what's probably not a good idea when you're doing? Home rehab. Have parties? To have parties. Don't invite Lenny Dykstra, Kenny Loft, and Todd Zeal, Hall of Famer Eddie Murray, and Brian Wilson over to the house to watch Major League. Weird. It's so weird, dude. Brian Wilson's so weird. He's so weird. Are you watching it? It's you. You're all quiet. Yeah, it's you in it. Are you all quiet and you're like, ha, ha, ha. Popcorn and soda. Or do you talk through the whole thing? It's just the whole situation. That's like you inviting Craig Gass, a bunch of dudes you know, head from corn, over to your house to listen to podcasts. Yeah. It is weird. It's weird. Let's listen to the best of the Mikey show. You guys just sit down and shut up. Listen to what I say right here. Listen to this. I'm really funny right here.

1:41:16Oh, that's so uncomfortable. Isn't that embarrassing? And then also, Mayor Jerry Sanders and Dean Spanos, it has been reported, will sit down in the next couple of weeks to talk about a new stadium. Don't get too excited. I'm not. But they are going to sit down. They've met four or five times over the last few years to talk about a new stadium. The heat is on because they are building a new stadium in Los Angeles. People seem to think that that stadium will be for the San Diego Chargers, who will... More than likely be moving to L.A. if there is not a lockout in the NFL. It's not looking good for San Diego and football in general right now. But they will be meeting to talk about, you know, everything. So we got this text from M1 Pete yesterday. And I said, save it. Oh, great. Here we go. Just found out my girlfriend waxes her mustache. Stop laughing, Wood. He says, I'm so. Let me count the O's. One, two, three.

1:42:18Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. I'm so grossed out. Oh, grow up. What do you guys think? I'm on Pete. Furry and brown. Grow up. That is something that more women deal with than you guys think. Oh, yeah. I had a girl in high school that actually shaved her muscles. My girlfriend. Oh, yeah. I don't think she could go to the Nova Waggon. Yeah, it was. It was a girl. Trust me. I know. And I think that there are girls that you guys have dated and been with that have done that and you guys didn't know. And I think that... That can't be true. I don't know when the time is. Are you going to ruin me more today? First, the umbrellas. I speak the truth. I don't want you to anymore. I'm here to give my perspective. I'm here to lie. I want you to placate me. I'm here to give my perspective. Placate me. Placate and read the news. Just make me feel better. Make me feel better.

1:43:17Tell me that a girl that I've dated has not shaved her lips. Not shaved. She's probably waxed. Bleached wax. Yes. One of the above. Usually... Do you guys have stashes? No. No. I don't think so. That's what I said earlier. They don't. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. You're invading her space. Turn sideways. I'm so uncomfortable. No, and you're not getting that close to my face. They don't. They don't. Neither of them have any mustache. Well, I'm very fair. You know, I don't have really arm hair. I'm very fair, and Lauren is very fair. So I don't, you know, more fair, you don't really have the problem. You guys can be unfair at times. Okay, I'm going to give you a name, and it's a guarantee that she does. Kim Kardashian. No way. Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah, Mike. Yes! She looks like you. Yes, she does. Okay, but that doesn't, just because she's a dark-skinned girl. She's Armenian, though. No, if she didn't wax, she would have a stache like this. She has, she, there's maintenance in both. You guys are so... I don't know if she necessarily, I know a lot of my Italian friends, hey, oh. Hey. Because I'm from New Jersey, a lot of, they were like, that's, you know, Italian in me.

1:44:26Sicilian blood, you know. You take care of it. Remember Schneider from One Day at a Time? It's actually a girl. That didn't wax her lip. I go to get my eyebrows done and the lady always said, you want a lip? I'm like, no. She asked me. You don't need it. I don't, but they just think that so many women do that they just ask you if you want your lip done too. I would be so insulted. Yeah. If I was a woman that didn't have a mustache. Some women are just hairy. Yeah, it's true. God, gross. You know, and. I wouldn't, I think I would get like a laser hair removal or something. I wouldn't. If I had that problem, I would just wax it. I know girls that were waxing from when they were like 13. Yeah. Because what if the laser messes up your face? Aren't girls not supposed to grow hair on their upper lip? Okay. Well, there's different genes for everyone and different, you know, some women have darker, fuller hair. Some women have lighter, less hair. Some women have big breasts. Yes. Some women do not. I mean, some women get hair on their lower back. I've seen broads with full-on mustaches. Yeah. Full-on mustaches. I'm from Texas, so. One eyebrow. Yeah. It happens. It does happen. Mikey Show, hello. Hello, this is Mikey. This is her Aunt Mary. This is who? Your Aunt Mary. Aunt Harry? Tia Mary. Tia Mary. Your Aunt Mary. Tia Maria. Tia Maria. Tia Maria.

1:45:57What can I do for you, Aunt Mary? I have a mustache. You should trim that. That's right. I remember that. You can't trim it. You cannot trim. How about wax? You can wax, but you have to be rich like Larry King or something. I don't think you do. She's a piece of duct tape. Ooh, ow. Does that work? Do you use a duct tape? I think it might. It can't hurt. I mean, it's going to hurt, but it's not going to. You'll have to probably do it a few times. Because I have a mustache. And one time a police officer could talk to me because he thought I was a bank robber. Because the guy had a mustache. It was a 5'4", Hispanic man with a mustache. No. Tia Maria. Tia Maria. And Mary. It's okay. You're not alone. There are a lot of women that go through this.

1:47:01It's not a big deal. You just get it taken care of and that's that. When you get to be a certain age, sometimes you grow hair where you don't want it. Yeah, that's true. It's like having buckwheat in a leg lock. Whatever that means. Sure, it's just like that. No. Are you sure? Yes. Do you ever just try to work a joking? Leg lock. At any cost? Trying to force a round peg into a square hole. Hit real good from over here. You're crazy, man. You have a deep voice, Mary. Got a mustache. You guys. It really is not a big deal. Whoever texted in can get over it. It's not a big deal.

1:48:13It's disgusting. It's a little bit. A little bit of a big deal. It is not. I think guys like girls to be, you know. Hairless. Yeah. Feminine. Yeah, but she has to do something about it if she's just born that way. Yeah. Would you rather she just has a mustache? No. I don't want to know anything. You don't have to know anything. I want it to be like Sienna said, you know, that I never knew. I didn't even know. And I think she would try to make it that way, but she can't help if you just found out. Oh, this one's going to get LOB. This is going to get your vote. Oh, no. What? Even if we got married, hide it from me. Grow up. Until we're in our 90s. You get your eyebrows waxed and you're a man. Oh boy. True. However. Why do you? But what if I had something that was really weird about me like this? Why do you get them done? Because it looks cleaner. And didn't you say you had a unibrow? I do not have a unibrow. Oh, I thought that's why he got it too. No. He didn't have a unibrow. Why else would you get your eyebrows waxed? Yes. Because underneath. I get really, I get very wide caterpillar. So you're a freak? No. You're a freak? No. Yeah. I'm not a freak. I don't want to know about it. That's disgusting. I don't want to know about it. Well played. No, I'll give you an example. You have caterpillar eyes. I'll give you an example of a weird one. I'll give you an example. I don't want to know anything more about it. Oh, wow. I'll tell you one that's weird. Okay.

1:49:46There. Oh, my. That's all I'm saying. From where? Right here. Just think about it. Oh. Yep, I've seen it. When they get older. Oh, boy. Dark? I remember. Yep. I can't remember. Were we in the same conversation, Woods? Some woman said, when I turned 45, I got one straight. Oh, my God. Oh, I just left my body. That grew out of my nipple. When your chemistry in your body, when your hormones, when they change. So wouldn't you rather they do something about it? Yes. Stat. Tweez. Yeah. Tweez. Tweez would be appropriate. Tweez. I beg you.

1:50:42I'm looking right now. There was an episode on Everybody Loves Rape, and he was married and had no idea and walked in on his wife, and she had wax on her upper lip. Have you ever seen that show? Oh, it's so funny. And he walked in. He's so dramatic. He was like, oh, my God. And she's like, no, get out, get out. And they were married, and it's like she didn't want to tell him, but it's something that needs to be done. I don't want to know. There's a lot of stuff you guys do in the bathroom that we don't want to know about. We're guys. We're wired that way. And guys are known for being piggy. Disgusting. You know what? We kind of are. Women are not known for that. We are... Delicate flowers. Dainty. Yes. But we are also a... We're fulfilling a picture that you guys have painted for us. Yes. That we have to be. You've painted it. We haven't painted it. I never painted. Yes, you... That's why we fell in love with you. I grew up in the painting. It just happened. That's how we fell in love. Yeah, that's how guys fell in love. No. Because the girls painted this picture. Women naturally are very visually nice to look at, even when they don't do all the stuff. So true. Are they? In other cultures, they still are. Ew, other cultures. I'm American. Oh, my gosh. I like the way that our ladies. Yes, and it takes maintenance to get to the way that you guys want them to be. So let them do it and don't shame them for doing it. But you guys designed it. We didn't.

1:52:06Men didn't go, you know, foundation. Yes, they did. Yes, they did. No, girls wanted the porcelain look that guys want. When all that stuff was invented, there was hardly any women even in the workplace in that capacity. It's all invented by men. All of it. Yes. Is that true? Come on. You don't know that for a fact, and neither do I. I think we're both talking out of our butts. I do. You do not. You're telling me that women... I don't know statistically how many numbers. It came up from an idea... Yes, male scientists. Mad men. It's true. Makeup? It's true. Men. It's true, it's true, it's true. But it's been around for a long, long time. It's because women wanted it. Men perpetuated the myth, though. Men in advertising perpetuated the myth that that's what sex is. It wasn't women going, I want it? No. The makeup that's out on the counters today? Actually, men used to wear makeup back in the day. They wear powder on their faces. What was that like, Jay? It was actually fun. It was actually fun. What was King Tut like? Good kisser. All right. M1 Forenzi from San Marcos. Hello. I totally agree with L.O.B. This is all gender stereotypes that men have been portraying for years. It's the guy's fault for wanting women this way.

1:53:27I don't see why you have to. My girl, she doesn't shave anything. Oh, filthy. Okay, question. Stop it. Question, wait. Yeah, what's your question? My question is, does she not shave her pits? Nope. Okay. Come on. She doesn't shave her pits. Does she shave her arm, I mean her legs? Nope. All right. Do you smoke marijuana? Be honest. Yes, that was a yes. That was a yes. That was a yes. Isolate that laugh. Isolate laugh. Listen, sir. You smoke marijuana. So what? A lot of it. And therefore, yes. That's not a lot. That's not a lot. You would have to be stoned to not care if your girlfriend didn't shave her pants. Shut up.

1:54:23No, I really don't. You like it. My mind is so open, but I don't want hairy armpits on my woman. So he likes and she likes it, so leave him alone. Everyone's allowed to drink. Now there's plenty of people that do it. Chances he grows his own vegetables. Do you grow your own vegetable? No, man. Shop at Whole Foods? No, I don't have the money to do that. Describe what you're wearing right now. Isolate. Isolate. Your laugh is so great. It's dynamite. Well, if I describe what I was wearing, you would definitely think that I lived on a colony. Describe what you're wearing. Pretty soon. All right. So I've got on from the top, from bottom to top, shoes filled with holes. I think they're like a kind of a hemp sole slip on. Of course they are. Maroon corduroys. Nice linen polo. You know, nice linen polo. Brown. What does your hair look like? What hairstyle do you have? Shaved head with a beard. Where did you meet your girlfriend? At a poetry reading. Do you like the new Radiohead album? No, I haven't heard it all the way through. You will. Not all the way through. I love him. Please call more. Please come into the studio on Friday. Is your girlfriend with you right now?

1:55:48No, she's not. What made her decide to not shave? We don't call each other girlfriend and boyfriend. Of course not. Partner. Yes. Lovers, actually. You're lovers. Like it. What does she, like, what does she dress like? Pretty crazy. I mean, she wears dresses. What did she wear yesterday? She wears all kinds of things. What about deodorant? No, I don't believe so. And does she ever smell like B.O.? No, she rubs herself in oils. Of course she does. And I'm out. My goodness. Sounds real good. Have you ever been to the black? To the what? The black. The black beach? It's a head shop. The black bead? Black beach? No. Oh. In OB? It's a head shop. Oh. Oh, no. I have no idea what you're talking about. I own it. That's a yes. Can they come in Friday? Can you come in Friday? Please. And hang out with us? What's going on? We do...

1:56:47We do this thing on Friday where we have a live studio audience. We let people come in. We give you a backstage pass. You get catered breakfast, and you get to hang out in the studio the whole show. You know, I'd love to, but I have class on Friday. A guy like you doesn't need class. You skip class. You can grow your own class. Class is important. Does anybody have Tylenol? Yeah. You grow your own class. All right. Nothing wrong. You guys are being mean. No, we are not. I'm being really mean and judgmental. No. And I'm upset. I love what you're doing. I'm upset. I like what he's doing. I like him. I just invited him to eat. I just invited him into the studio. That's amazing. Is that PM? Put that in your pipe and smoke it. I just invited him in. But you're being mean and judgmental about his lover. I am not. His lover. His lover. Hey, you know what? I'll admit it. I'm being judgmental and mean about his lover because I think that a girl with arm hair is gross. Everyone has an opinion. Well, you know what? Some guys like doing weird stuff, and I'm not a fan of that either. That's weird. It's not weird. It's natural.

1:57:55It is completely natural. Thank you for the call. I hate natural. L.O.B. Now look, I don't do it. I don't do it because I've come to certain comforts and once I've done those things, I'm like, okay, I prefer myself this way. But someone just being the way that they are without buying anything to change the way that they are, there's nothing disgusting about that. Okay, I wouldn't go as far as to say the word disgusting. I would. Okay, fine. It's not hygienic. Okay, fine. Really? It's not hygienic. If it's not for us, then it isn't for them. It's not hygienic. So it isn't that it isn't hygienic because we'd have to say the same about ourselves and we can't. But what I will say is that, you know, I think it would be really weird if my girlfriend was giving a standing ovation. It's only weird because you've been taught that it's weird. Exactly. Think about back in the day. And there's a big old bushy. Yeah. Bunch of hair. It wouldn't be bushy like that. Why? Women's doesn't grow in like that. You showed us all those hairy armpits. Oh, that's filthy. Women's, first of all, does not grow in like that. And second of all, we just think it's filthy because that's what we have. And I understand it's outside of the norm. I'm not trying to be like, everybody should do it. But I just don't think we should say it's disgusting. I'm not. It's only natural. You're crazy. Okay, then let me say this. When a girl has...

1:59:26freshly shaven armpits. It's beautiful. It's amazing. It's so feminine. You watch the show, Taboo. What's beautiful to us is disgusting to some other people. Yeah, but it is us. Why are we talking about it like it's, you know, like we're in... There's a huge subculture of people that do what that girl does. That's why it's called subculture. Subculture. I understand that. I don't think it's disgusting. I just think it's... prettier when a girl has a nicely shaven armpit. It's repugnant. It's repulsive. It's repugnant. It is. It's natural. You know what else is natural? Poop. And that's disgusting. And I don't want to see it. I don't want to smell it. That's natural. But it's not natural to have it on your body. M1 Andrea from Chula Vista. Hi. Hi. I think Woods is being a little harsh. Am I? He tries to be like the non-judgmental guy, open-minded, but... Whatever floats your boat. I mean, I don't have armpit hair, but if that's what he likes, so be it. It's a bit. It's not a bit. It's how he is. If he likes it and she likes it, then they're made for each other. They're made for each other. Whose bit would it be to serve? She has to carry it around and he has to be around it. If they didn't like it, they wouldn't have it. As long as it doesn't stink.

2:00:51It's going to stink. It's got hair there. But we have hair. It doesn't stink. You're a weirdo. We use deodorant. She doesn't. She rubs herself in oil. You stop using it for a while. You stop smelling. I'm going to vomit. It's okay. Everyone has their someone out there. I'm going to vomit. I bet she's real sexy. KJ. Zero. Go to France. Yeah. Yet another reason I don't go to France. This is written from a woman that says, I once had someone ask me if I had dirt on my chin. Oh, boy. And it was patches of my untweezed facial hair and I was mortified. M1 closet beard. Me neither. Okay, then let them wax it and don't shame them. You guys are like... Don't tell us about it. You're damned if you do, you're damned if you do. Yeah, hey listen, I take my car to the shop but I don't watch them do the oil change, okay? I drop it off. She probably didn't tell him. He probably walked in on her or found the wax. We're going to do Pick It Apart next.

2:02:06Get ready. Did I disappoint you? No. NJ. It's on FM 94.9. Did you make Matthew Commerce eat that? Yeah, he loved it. He had two helpings. That is a man that loves you. Yes. Oh, no, I said, are you eating that just to make me feel good? And he's like, I'm eating it because it's delicious. It's a spinach and tortellini soup with chicken in it. That's not bad. It looks like miso soup. It looks like miso soup. Which I don't like miso soup, but that looks pretty good. Welcome back to the Mikey Show. This is M1 Massive from El Cajon. Are you there, Massive? Yeah, what's up, Mikey? What's going on? Not much. I'm just actually about to take the dog to the vet here pretty soon. All righty. I actually want to comment on the arm hair thing. I'm originally from Italy, and it's not a really big thing over there. But the one thing I can't stand is leg hair.

2:03:08Wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. In Italy, women don't shave their armpits? Well, I mean, older women don't. It's kind of an accepted thing. When women get married and they get older, they have kids. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Yeah, I know. But I was just telling the guy, I was like, oh, wow, you know what I really can't stand? It's leg hair. On a woman? No, on women, I can't stand leg hair. Looks like David Beckham playing soccer for the Galaxy. It's disgusting. I cannot stand that at all, man. It's just... Even my girlfriend, if she doesn't shave for a couple days and I feel like stubble, I tell her to get off. Oh, wow. That's really nice. Very nice guy. Very loving. Yeah, I know. Guy knows what he wants. I know. Beat it. She's shaving now. You know, I mean, I let her know right away. You didn't put her right in her place. Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. She knows now. She knows. Playing with fire, massive. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. You know, I mean. She was cool about it, you know. We've been together for almost five years, so it was kind of a thing like, look, I really, you know, I don't mind other things, but this is just the one thing you got to do for me because it's just, yeah. I'm sure Lauren would be fine with the guy. Well, if he said it like that, it's understandable. Yeah. But get off. This is a little harsh. Like, you know, she'll sit next to me and put her legs on me. You know, I massage her feet and everything.

2:04:31Sometimes, you know, I'll feel her shin, and if I feel the stubble, I'm like, oh, babe, why? Why? God knows what he wants. Well, we all have our little things that you kind of want your significant other to do. Like propose and stuff. Uh-oh. Subtle. What? Wow. What? What happened? What? What? She was yelling at me. Yeah. She yelled at you? When did I yell at you? The last break. What did she say? She told me I was mean. You were being mean. I tried to get you back. You admitted being mean. It was Harbor. Brothers and sisters, man. That's what we've been. The only one that's allowed to be passionate on this show is Wood. That's right. Yes. Thank you. Finally, after a year. I love you. That was so strange. Oh, my head feels like I got shot with an arrow. Why? I don't know. Stay to the house? No, but it hurts. Men are such wusses, man. Seriously. 5701949. Give us a call. Hey, I know what I want to do. I don't know what you guys think about this scene, but it's the scene from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

2:06:03With short round. Wow, holy smoke. I mean. Sweet kid. Holy smoke. I mean, are you kidding me? What's with the holy smoke? Wow, holy smoke. Class landing. I mean, did they have to take this kid aside and go, cut, cut, cut? It needed to be more like this. And the kid's like, I don't understand. I'm not really. Spielberg's like, you need to do this. I'm from Cleveland. I have no, you know. Repeat after me. Okay. Holy smoke. Holy smoke. No, kid, you're not getting it. Holy smoke. Holy smoke. You sound like a kid from Cleveland. I'm from Cleveland. I know, but I need... Okay, this is a Shanghai scene. I need... You know what I mean? Okay, I'll try it again. One more time. Holy smoke! Short round. Step on it. I mean... Are you kidding me? Where's the antidote? Oh, not that kind of...

2:07:37The antidote that turns him back into a kid from Cleveland. Hey, Dr. Jones, no time for love. Hey, Dr. Jones, no time for love. There's always time for love. This is the movie, and I liked this movie, but this is where they jumped the shark when they got the little kid in there. Yeah, short route. Of course. Company. Shanghai cab driver talk in the background. That's what you're hearing. Right. I feel like I'm on the ride at Disneyland. And I have a theory with that. I think Spielberg just goes, just go.

2:08:59Take it easy. Mike, run the radio. Where's my gun? Where's my gun? That's not a gun. I burnt my fingers and I cracked a nail. Ah, Dr. Jones, I'm Al Weber. I spoke with your assistant. Hear ye, hear ye. Completely authentic English accent. Clearly. From Birmingham, are you? Yes. Hello, Dr. Jones. Hello, Dr. Jones. How are you? We've managed to secure three seats. But there might be a slight inconvenience as you will be riding on a cargo full of life. Oh, my God. It's Dan Aykroyd. I was going to say it sounds like a Midwestern. Seriously, that was Dan Aykroyd. I go, I was taping this. I go, you did that? Doesn't he also play the cat?

2:09:59from Alice in Wonderland that we just saw. Cheshire Cat? Yeah, something with Cheshire Cat. Chiddy-o. And cue the music. Nice try, Lao Shay. Goodbye. Chinese guy. Laughing. First he's like, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. No, I need it to be like this. So stupid. Uncle Victor, by the way, is back. Yeah. This is Uncle Victor for... Quit bugging me about my prostate. Leave me alone. I already know. I was supposed to start checking it when I turned 40 or 50. I'm a 55-year-old man. I'm not a baby. I don't like the procedure. Invasion.

2:11:13The procedure that bothers me. I don't want to do it because... Why don't you leave me alone already? Quit rugging me about my prostate. That's the best part. So unexpected. Let's vote on it. We're going to vote this off of the planet if we have to. Okay. All right. Ella B. came up with a list. She comes up with a list. And I say, all right, I'll take what you come up with and we'll see. Or just get bored and cynical. Come up with a list. White stick figures representing your family members on your car. Goodbye. As well as footprints. Sienna? I haven't seen the footprints. I'm out. No, get rid of it. Woods? Out. They have footprints and paw prints now. Out. You're out, Jay? Out. All right. I'm in.

2:12:19Oh. Ever since I had kids. Because I want to be able to put two babies that are the same size. That'd be funny. Have you done it? No. They're not really, they're going to be big soon. Would you do it on your car or Rebecca's car? Would you do it, would you put the cat on there too? Yes. You have to. You have to. It's family. You do? I'd have to do five dogs and my wife. Yeah. I can't do them. All right, it's voted out. It's out. Take them off today, people. Flavored popcorn. No, I'm in. Flavored popcorn? Love flavored popcorn. What? What's the matter, L.O.B.? Flavored popcorn. I do. Merry Christmas. I got you a tin of flavored popcorn. All the way at caramel corn. You're a goddess. I'm going to feast. Why do they leave the butter in there? I want cheddar. I want caramel. I don't want butter. L.O.B., there's nothing better than orange fingers. It's like Cheetos. No, the caramel, I can do.

2:13:19In like a ball or something. The chocolate I could do. As long as it's dark chocolate. I could do dark chocolate popcorn. I once had cookies and cream popcorn. It was so good. That's gross. Leave popcorn alone. No, don't. Mess with it. Caramel and cheese. That's it. Salt and butter. White cheddar. That's it. This is good. Putting Lil. In front of your name and calling yourself a rapper. Lil Mike. Lil Woods. Lil Woods. Oh my gosh. Lil Woods. There was a little kid on Ellen. Lil Peanut. It was brilliant. Lil. No, it's not. Just call it Peanut. Lil Peanut. Lil. Out. Out. Out. Be more creative. Yeah, Lil something is weak. It's out. Thank God.

2:14:19Ringtones, that is someone talking. I'm in on that. I haven't even heard it, but if I did, I'd probably like it. It'll be like. It's funny. Pick up your phone. Pick it up. I would love that. Pick it up. I'm in. You would love it. No one around you would love it. What if it's funny? It gets old. Out. Out. In. I like it. Jay didn't even hear. I did too. Alan. Alan, you're the final vote. You cast the final vote on Survivor Mikey Show. In or out on Ringtones. That someone is talking. Pick up your phone. Yeah. He was swayed. Yeah. Kids are politicians. It's fine. White sunglasses. Out. Out. Out. God, out. Never should have existed in the first place. You're a dork. What? Zony. Oh, wow. Big white sunglasses. Zony Oakley's. People tagging you in pictures. People tagging me in pictures that aren't me, so I will comment. What? Never happened to you guys? Oh, yeah. Oh, wait, it happened because there's a picture of a guy on my Facebook right now. I don't know why. Out. Well, I'm in because it's me and Gene and he's our boy. And I technically, I wrote that list last week. What does he do? Somebody tagged us in a picture of him and he's like, I think he's... He's wearing the Be Different bracelet, which is why we are tagged. But I'll get tagged in like...

2:15:51Just something random. Like someone, like a plate of food. And I'm like. Yeah. And they'll tag you? Yes. So it's to, like, get a response from you. Yeah. They want you to see what they're feasting on. Yeah. And then, ooh, that looks good. Or, ooh, that looks like garbage. No way. Oh, yeah. People will tag me in something so that I'll go, what was I tagged in? Look at the picture and then write something funny. That's ridiculous. Yeah, I'm out. I've done it once. I'm out. I wish that there was a way to be double out. I would be double up. Okay, wow. I untag myself when that happens. Me too, yeah. Of course. I untag myself no matter what. Me too. Really? I don't want to be tagged in pictures. No matter what. Don't tag me. Yeah, it's untag no matter. Jay has an uncanny gift of only tagging you in the pictures where you look terrible. Like a fat pig. He's the worst. He doesn't have that purpose. You are a serial tagger. Yes. Only the bad ones, though. The ones where you look good. He's like, I don't want anyone to see that. Tag yourself. I might need to see that one. Tag yourself. Look at old Chubbs here with a donut. Tag off. Yeah. He's got me with a donut. I will tag myself. I would rather. Well, no, they're there unless I tag you in them. Vote, Jay. I said out. It's out.

2:17:01People saying lame sauce? Out. In. In. Out. It's out. Three against two. Don't. He's already. No, it's three against two. You're out. You're out. Feast. Thank God. Never again. That was lame sauce. Auto-tune effects. In. Out. In. In. Come on. I'm not over. What are you guys? 2008? Yeah, seriously. Welcome to 2008. Come up with something new. What? You. We're dusting with pledge. I'm over it. You're so over it. You were dusting to it and probably dancing your butt off this last weekend. I don't need every Lil out there to put another auto-tune effect out. I disagree. I believe that you do need every Lil out there putting auto-tune. I believe that you enjoy it, you like the sound of it, and you dance to it in your underwear while cleaning. The last acceptable one is that, what is it, towel cruise? Ty Cruz. Dynamite. Don't act like you don't know. Ty or Ty. I don't know how to say it. Oh, you know. That's the last one. No more after that. That's it. No more. I like that song and we'll leave it at that. Until the next one you like. Sounds good to me. That I like. No more. Don't ruin it. You're either in or you're out. No, it's okay. We'll play it out.

2:18:38Still sounds good, though. Yeah. I wish that A.O. would call into the show and be M1AO so that I could take the clip of Tal Cruz going, A.O. Yeah. Last one. You ready? Yes. Pictures of food on Facebook. I'm neither in or out. Am I allowed to be? No. You have to pick one. Completely lukewarm. Pick one. If I have to pick, I'll say in. Yep. I don't, you know. Sometimes it looks good. Yeah, it does. Out. I'm in. I'm in. What do you gain by seeing a picture of somebody else's look? Looks good. It looks good. Because I go, wow, that looks good. Can I get the recipe? Where is that? Or I want to eat that. Where was that at? Where did you get that steak? Yeah, that looks amazing. That's true. By looking at someone's food? Look at that birthday cake. That's why they advertise, you know? Where'd you get it? Yeah.

2:19:40That's why they advertise that big juicy burger. Oh, you got sushi? That looks so good. I'll see some nachos. I'll be like, oh, where did those come from? T.O. Leo's? My kitchen. Whoa, really? T.O. Leo's? I thought you said nachos. Now, pictures of food at a restaurant. Because sometimes I'm like, oh my gosh, look at this. And I could see why someone might want to share that. The pictures that you made of your own stuff. That's a good point. But I'm going to make some chicken marsala. And as a bit now, I am going to post it on Facebook for you. I'm going to make it. Better not tag me in it. I'm going to tag you in it. Everybody tag L-O-B in all our food. No, don't. I'm completely in on it. Regardless of where it is. You know why I just thought? Because one time I made homemade fried chicken. And it looked so good. To you. Did you take a picture? I took a picture. Did you post it? Oh, yeah. And it was on brown paper bag. Will you make some? Yeah. Will you please make some? Bring it in. It's hard to do. But I'll do it. Yeah, it is. I want to try it. Oh, dude, it's so good. Man, come over and help. We'll cook it up real good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And let me tell you, if I had seen a picture of that, I'd be like, what'd you do? All you had to do was describe it to me, and I'm already in. Oh, yeah. Looks so good. Happy birthday. You made a good dish. Good for you. Wow. Well, we voted it in. Well, have fun. You're getting all of them now, kid. Riveting material up on Facebook. Only three things made it in.

2:21:03Flavored popcorn, auto-tune, and pictures of food on Facebook. We voted out lame sauce. Thank God. People tagging us. White sunglasses. What? Ringtones of somebody talking. Lil. In front of a rapper's name. And white stick figures representing your family on the back of your car. Mm-hmm. No more. If you listen to The Mikey Show, you can't participate. Yeah, you got to take this off today. Sorry. Let's see. What's the worst thing that happened to you in high school, Woods? Getting bullied? That's right, in Connecticut, right? Mine was getting my butt kicked by Rich Manning. I mean, I had a couple, but mine was getting bullied and I got beat up by Roy Friend. Tried to beat me up. Guy's name is Roy Friend. We look for him this morning on Facebook. What was your worst moment in high school, Sam? I had great moments.

2:21:55Of course. The captain of the football team asked me out. I was like, no way. No, there was bad. I mean, there was moments like you hook up with someone on the weekend and everyone knows about it on Monday and it's embarrassing. That kind of stuff. Or you don't hook up with anybody because you're a prude in high school, but rumors start going around that you did. Who was she? That was the rumor. Who were they? Oh, wow. LLB had a rumor in high school that she hooked up with a girl. Yes, that one too. That was one. Well, there was one that I was a lesbian because I stayed up at a party and helped clean with some girl. Is that what you call it? And they were like, yeah, they were the only two that were left away. They made out. I probably would have started that real quick. Because I didn't want to go up and sleep in the room and hook up with somebody because I was like, I'm scared. So I was like, I'll clean. I'll clean. Yeah. And then there was another one. There was another one too. There was another one that was dirty. Filthy. That she did something super dirty that only people do in dirty movies. Yes. Meanwhile, I was a virgin. And she was a virgin. Yep. And they said it happened in a hot tub. In a hot tub. How did you put an end to it? To this day, some guy was like, yeah, yeah, I was there. Aren't you the girl that did the worst? I'm like, what?

2:23:11Hey, Lauren, right? Lauren O'Brien. Yeah, he's like, yeah, I was there. You're the girl that did the dirty thing in the hot tub in high school. I was like, you couldn't have been there because I wasn't there. I was at that party. Yeah. He'll maintain to his day. I was there. I actually thought it was kind of cool of you. I have the guts to do that. He's like, what's the big deal? Everybody does. I mean, they're married. They've been married for 15 years by the time. Oh, they're in Porto. Yeah, either that or an adult film star. And even most of them say no to it. Say no to that part. But you were a sophomore. I will kill you. Stop spreading that rumor. Dude, what a rumor to hear about yourself. You're like, wait, what? What? What did I do? I was crying. Did you tell your parents? No, my parents didn't know. Yeah, how would you tell your parents? Mom and dad gives me something to say about me. Did you do that? Did you do that? I just tried one time and that was it. What? I'm biting my tongue. Jay and I are gnawing on our tongues. We still got new releases. Creeps. Didn't even have to look up. I know you're doing something creepy. Didn't even have to look up. I know you're creeps. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, due to the recent protests in Egypt,

2:25:25A family has decided to name their new baby Facebook. Oh, okay. Because the protests all began with a Facebook event invite. And now... Facebook. Facebook. Hey, Facey. Facey. Hey, book. FB. FB. FB. What are you doing? Something that you want to tell daddy about? Firstborn daughter named Facebook. Facey. Get out of there. You're grounded. I'm not kidding. No, you want two weeks? I'll give you two weeks. Facebook. Facebook. Wow. Also in Anaheim, in the Anaheim Union High School District, they're testing something new. And it's a six-week pilot program for students to have a GPS to track them if they're truant. Now, you have to have... Four or more unexcused absences in order to get one of these GPS things. Words. They cost anywhere between $300 to $400 per device. And it basically checks in on you throughout the day if you have one of these GPS things. Who pays for that? Maybe just call their parents. Yeah. Probably can't get them. No. I mean, it's actually kind of cool. Who has a problem with that? Yeah, you don't. We have to pay for it. Four times?

2:26:42We have to pay for it. We do. Yeah, it's probably taxpayer money. It's not coming out of the parents' pockets? Probably not. No, no, no. That would be the key right there if the parents pay for it. They'd never be late. Instead of getting in trouble like detention and stuff like that, they're given one of these devices, and they're required to check in using the device five different times in the day, before school in the morning, when they arrive, lunchtime, when they leave school, and around 8 p.m. each day. Devil's advocate. Devil's advocate. We end up paying more for them later. How could you know, though? It's hard to project that. We pay more for them. Well, yeah, but think about it. But you didn't finish. Totally, totally, like, my situation is not normal. Just because you're late to class, you're truant, doesn't mean you're going to be a criminal. Yeah. If there was a direct correlation that they could show, you know. And scene.

2:27:36If they could show that kids that are late to class are more likely to X, Y, Z, then yeah. Yeah. Well, that's why it's a pilot program right now for six weeks to see if it helps because they say the idea is not for it to feel like a punishment, but kind of like an intervention to help them develop better habits and get to school on time. Keep an eye on them. Stay in school. Get to school. Yeah, but a lot of kids have a problem with it. There's an adult coach that calls us kids three times per week to check up, make sure they are with the GPS system. Make sure there was supposed to be. They are kind of, but not everyone has them. You have to have at least four unexcused absences. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, the latest editions of the college basketball polls are out. San Diego State moved up two spots to number four in the ESPN and USA Today coaches rankings. But in the AP, it stayed number six. Well, the message is clear.

2:28:33beat BYU, who's number seven in the country, beat them on Saturday at Viejas, and that's their only loss this season. They're 27-1. It's a rematch Saturday at Viejas. Somebody take this kid. I want to go to a game. Somebody invite me. It'll be fun. Floor seats. Floor seats. We don't ask for much. I'll buy you hot dogs. Also, Cam Newton has come out and said he will participate fully in the draft workouts. First said, I might throw a little, I might run a little. Now he's doing the whole thing and said he plans to be completely transparent. He's picked, they're saying, prognosticators are saying he'll probably be number three overall to Buffalo. Wow. That's a big, strong dude. Buffalo. Siberia. Sorry. No thanks. It sucks. It is. Siberia. It is. No line, no receiver. And the worst record. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. It's L.O.B. sitting over there. She's been wearing that vest all show long. It's cold. Yeah. And a scarf, too. Mm-hmm. I'm cold today. And Sienna is sitting over here to my left. And then Jay is over there. He's our producer. Hola. Screening phone today is Alan. It's Alan. Alan. I don't know what. Maybe I laughed so much. Got a headache. Did you sleep enough last night? Sometimes we laugh. My wife didn't think so. She thought I woke up too early. How did you get up? 11?

2:30:001240. I get bad headaches when I don't sleep enough. I get them when I'm dehydrated. Yeah. Drink some horchata. Replenish your fluids. You'll be fine. Set up an IV of that stuff. My horchata levels are low. Very. Get some enchilada sauce in here. Stat. In a big bag with an IV. Mole sauce. Mole. Virgin margaritas. Come on, people. We're losing him. Get some enchilada sauce in this man. Hurry. We're losing him. You need to get a taco shell. Taco shell. Come on, guys. Necesita crema. Por favor. And so it is. Are you Rebecca Esparza? I am. I'm sure you know why your husband was rushed to this hospital. It could be any number of things. I'm not sure what it is this time. Is it the mole sauce? It actually was not the mole sauce this time. We fixed that. Okay. We put them on mole pills. Thank you. Your husband was at...

2:31:20Probably the lowest levels of enchilada sauce I've ever seen in a Mexican. I know, I know. Is it my fault? Don't blame yourself. You can't. I don't cook Mexican. That's not what I heard. We tried everything we could. We even gave him an enchilada IV. He likes it if you... section it off into little pieces. Did you try that? He wasn't conscious. His levels were so low that he was losing consciousness. He was saying enchilada, enchilada, and then we would lose him, and then he'd come back and... Did he say anything else? He said gracias, por favor. That's weird because the whole time we've been married he hasn't spoken any Spanish. Except for...

2:32:14food, and he says that perfectly. He says all types of foods, is what you're saying? He says... Never heard him say gracias. You have the point. Never heard him say gracias. Well, this is going to be a different episode of Gracias Anatomy because we were able to save him. Oh my gosh. How did you do it? We gave him three compressions of tortillas. Amen. Corn or flour? Corn. I need to know this for the future. Yes. In case I have to save him. We're sending you and him home with what we call a masa mask. What's that? Masa is what they make corn tortillas out of. I should know that. I'm married to a Mexican. That's part of the problem here. That is part of the problem.

2:33:15You can't just marry a Mexican man without knowing these things. You can lose him. I thought taking the last name would be enough. It's tough enough on you being so beautiful and blonde. I know. And having to be married. I know. I'm so sorry. I know. Thank you. You probably had to endure this entire... Six years. What's it like when you go to a doctor's office? Oh, gosh. They think I've been kidnapped. They think I'm not who I say I am. You just want your identity back. I understand. Oh, my gosh. I can't believe you understand. Why don't you divorce him and get a white guy? No. No, no, don't. You can't do that. You can't do that. L-O-B, let me tell you something about it. This one. Lauren O'Brien. She is tickled by driving me absolutely insane. Fair enough. Yeah, sign me up for that. She sent me a text message with a picture. No message. Just a picture. Can I see it? Yes. A picture of what? A picture of Divorce Magazine.

2:34:49No. Oh, man. Yeah. Because she knew it would drive me batty. Divorce. People have subscriptions to divorce. I saw it's on the stands. Because I, you know, my whole bit with divorce. I hate divorce. I couldn't believe. That they made a Mac. Like, what is in that? Of course they did. What's in it? Oh, I should have picked it up. I didn't want to. 40 ways to make sure you get his money. Yep. 10 ways to be sure you're caught. Yes. 10 ways to make sure to catch him. Oh, my God. Divorce magazine. She's smiling on the front. Yeah, I'm divorced. I'm free. I'm so happy that I'm divorced. You can also go to divorcemagazine.com. Holy. We should call him on the air. Oh, yeah. I want to talk to the editor of Divorce Magazine and be like, what's your bit? Why? Why would you do this? Why would you want? Since 1996. Insane. Hoping with divorces since 1996. I know. I was like, I don't get them. That got me. Hey, we got new releases. What do we got coming out today? Man, we got some good stuff. We got some.

2:36:06Interesting stuff. The new Radiohead is out. It's called King of Limbs. It's a digital release. I bought it. Hate it. But that's me. You judge for yourself. This is the best song on the album so far. That's it. I like it. I bought this album this morning and I love it so far. I can tell I'm getting old because I bought the new Adele 21. It's amazing. Sounds way better. Joss Stone. Yeah, I like it. Dude, the whole album, I listened to snippets this morning. It's incredible. Why are you getting old? Because you like that. Because I like girl singers now, I guess. I'm getting old. I like easy listening. It's British saying it. British. And she's about 300 pounds, and I told my wife I have a huge crush on her. And she's fine with that. She is? Because she's 300 pounds. Yeah. But she's awesome. I'd be fine with that, too. Yeah. She's like, oh, have a bowl. It's a bill. That's not good to me. Oh, the whole record's really good.

2:37:21She has a cover of The Cure Love Song on there, which is really good. Johnny Burke, Distance and Fortune. It does. It sounds like an episode of Fraggle Rock. It does. I don't believe anybody likes that. I agree. I believe if they say you do, it's a bit. Yep. G-Love. His manager is like, dude, it's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. All kinds of different tastes. I know. G-Love. Fixin' to die. Just smokin' marijuana and just... She a love fan, Santa? No. You know where he got his start, Mike. Gotta start somewhere. Really?

2:38:33Philly. Seattle. The Low Anthem, Smart Flesh. You are a musical puzzle. I could put this, if I were a movie director, I could put this in a movie. 100%. Oh, for sure. You know what it is? It's like, with some songs, you don't know what mood you would need to be in to hear it. Like this, I can see what mood I would... Funeral. Yeah, but you just don't know how to bad day, you put this on. Funeral day. You know, right? You go into a funeral. It's a great soundtrack song. It's a good, it's good music for somebody with a pretty... vivid imagination. That's what I like. Remember this clown? John Waite. Rough and tumble. Love it. I love his voice. I always did.

2:39:46He sounds the same. He does, exactly. He doesn't sound like he got old. Yeah. In a thousand. Let it roll. Oh, nice melody. In, in, in, in, in, in, in. What else is out today? That is it, man, as far as the music goes. But there are some DVDs that are out. The Killing Jar with Michael Madsen, which I'm in on anything he does. Due Date was that comedy with Robert Downey Jr. and Zach Galifianakis. I'll probably watch that tonight. Get Low. I don't know what that is. And then Mezrine. And, of course, Le Code a Change is out today. Oh, perfect. For a second, I think that L.O.B. thought that we were having a flash flood. I thought Jay was playing some sound effects. I was like, that doesn't really go. Our phone number is 570-1949. Love this band. I know you do, Lars. They're so good, man. I love them too. I tried to talk Het into doing some of their songs, man, and he just wasn't down with it. It's not really Metallica's scene. I think Metallica could probably do a great cover of Champagne Soup or Nova. I highly doubt it. Did I tell you that we taught Jake how to go?

2:41:28Hello, Bing. No way. Mikey Show, this is M1 Marshall from Encinitas. Hi. Hey, Mikey. How's it going? Good, man. How you doing? Not too bad at all. Just wanted to call and tell you guys I love your show. Thank you. Oh, very nice. Since I heard your testimony about probably three or four years ago. Oh, dude, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, it's great. And I just wanted to give a shout out to my new fiance from this weekend. Sweet. How did you ask? Oh, man. Total surprise. It was a Valentine's Day weekend. We celebrated this weekend. Yep. And we went down to Bahoya, and it was raining and hailing on Saturday night. And it cleared up for about five minutes, and I proposed to her in front of this little Italian restaurant. That's cool. Do you plan it? You said total surprise. Total surprise. She had no idea. She thought it was not for another three months or four months. Oh, but you plan.

2:43:18Did she cry? Yeah, she cried. I got down on my knee, and then she got down on her knees, too, to see if I was okay. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Did you score that night? Yeah, if I made a ride. Did you? That's why I'm married, right, Mikey? Yeah. Now that you're married. There you go. Do you guys have a song? What's that? Do you have a song? You know what? She works in the music business. It's hard to choose a favorite song. We have so many favorite songs. We do, too. Yeah. What about Italian Restaurant? The Billy Joel song? There you go. Oh, that's good. Because it was in front of an Italian restaurant. You know what? We're going to go see Adele coming up here pretty soon. She rocks. No, the Billy Joel one. I was talking about the Billy Joel one. Billy Joel. I thought you said Adele. I'm sorry. No. There's a Billy Joel song called Italian Restaurant. There you go. Congrats. You're going to be a good husband. I can already tell. Yeah, he is. I can tell, too. Right. All right, guys. Thanks. We love you. Good for you, bro. Congrats. Thanks. Congrats. He's taking the plunge. Good for him. That's such a good feeling. You know who Amanda Knox is? Yeah. Yep. L-O-B. The American in Italy in jail. Yes. On trial for murdering her Italian roommate. Yeah, they said it got into some kinky sex thing and this girl got killed. That's awful. Yeah, it's so awful. It's hysterical, apparently. You know why I laugh? Why?

2:44:38You're going to get into some kinky sex thing and it was all I could do to not go Mikey like that and then I stopped myself. You're loopy. I don't get it. Leave me alone. I haven't slept in two days. Have another Christmas dream. Jay! They had a lifetime special, right? And it was on last night and I actually DVR'd it and want to watch it today with Hayden Panettiere. Oh wow. I didn't want to watch it. In a lifetime, chances Mrs. Woods will be watching it are pretty good. You'll want to watch it. It's a good story. It's crazy. So here's Hayden Pantierry. Hayden Pantierry. Tough name to go through life with. Hayden Pantierry. Her panties are airy. Hayden Pantierry. They say that I'm calm. Does your... Does your guy's internet ever slow down on you? Yes, all the time. When you're doing a radio show on a multi-million dollar radio station, ever slow down on you? It's right there in the middle of a wait ear well. Yeah, just wait it out. Just wait it out. I'd write John Demick an email about it, but he can't access the internet. Demick! Demick! Demick! Demick! Demick! All right, here is Hayden Pantieri. Pantieri.

2:46:08Playing Amanda Knox from Lifetime. They say that I'm calm. I'm not calm. I'm scared of losing myself. I'm scared of being branded something that I'm... Buffering. She's the worst actress. I know. I feel like it's distracting. I don't know her. You know her. Yeah, you do, bro. She played the cheerleader in Heroes. She's the worst. I never saw it. I didn't either, but I know who that chick is. Was she in Star Wars? Any of the Star Wars movies? No? I'm thinking of somebody else. She's got a big square forehead. I'm getting a picture for you. You know her. She's really, really cute, and I think it distracts from the storyline. If you see The Cove... No. If you go on Lifetime, is that like you're at the end of the rope, and then you go to Dancing with Stars next? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that the bit? Yeah. And then you start... Dating Clay Aiken. Then you're living under a bridge in like six months after that. After Lifetime movies. That wouldn't be the progression. No, it's the downward. It's the downward, isn't it? Like if you get to Lifetime, then after Lifetime you go to Dancing with the Stars. Then you go to Bridge Living. Okay, I get what you're saying. You know what I mean? So you're saying it's a bad actor. Isn't it? Isn't it? Here you go. There's a picture. I've never seen her in my life. Yes, you have. I promise. I swear I never have. Oh, my God.

2:47:34Here, I'll find a better picture for you. Thank you. Because he's seen her. I haven't. Why do toddlers... This is a new study. Yeah. That explains why toddlers throw temper tantrums. Basically, they're saying from the age of 18 months to four years, kids are simply hardwired to misbehave. And it's... Wait, 18 months to what? 18 months to four years. Oh, boy. That's a long time. 40 years. 40 years. This pediatric psychologist says that their outbursts are as normal as a yawn. Why? Because that's how they are.

2:48:17Just the way that kids are, it's built into their brains. That's some heavy science. That's a real good study right there. That's some heavy science. Money well spent. Why is that? Because that's the way it is. That's just the way it is. That's what we found is that's the way it is. Because I said so. I said so. Because I said so. Don't make me turn the scientific study around. He just says that it's an important developmental role and it's part of their brain and that's how they're hardwired. And some kids are worse than others. No matter what, it doesn't depend. You're not a bad parent if your kids misbehave like that. So just know that, first of all, is what this guy says. Jake is the best. I mean, in terms of that, that guy has rarely gotten tantrum-y. You've probably had more tantrums than he has. It's just the way Mikey's wired. Absolutely. I love the wired bit, by the way. Another thing he says is kids at that age, between 18 months and 14 years, think magically. Not logically. And that's a quote from him. Just somehow, you know, they haven't figured it out yet. So parents, all responsibility is off your back. You don't have to worry about your kids. You're wired to be mad. Just don't even try. When you said the wired thing, Woodsy, you think that's a bit? No, I like it. You believe it. Well, it gets me out of stuff. It gets me out of stuff. Okay. I mean, it may be. It may be. Well, I mean, people are wired. You're wired way different than L.O.B. I'm wired way different than Sienna. I think he means in generalities.

2:49:44I mean, like guys are wired to cheat. Oh, no, I'm not trying to cheat and get away with it. I'm saying that, like, if a beautiful woman walks by, you know, my wife knows I'm probably going to look at her. And I like the bit of saying this is how I'm. He gave a breakdown of a tantrum and he says, you know, immediately. It's, uh-oh, okay, this is going to be bad. Meltdown on aisle three is what he says. After 30 seconds is when the foot stomping begins. Oh, boy. And when the foot stomping begins, that usually means it's going to be a short one. If you get to 90 seconds, his screaming and kicking, his anger has reached a peak. That's a minute and a half. By three and a half minutes, he says, and just like that, it's over. He's now looking for comfort. Three and a half seems like an eternity. It's so great, man. You know that thing I get? Did you watch Happiest Baby on the block? Yeah. DVD I gave you? Yeah. Didn't do anything for me. It didn't? I'm just saying. Did you try it? Yeah. Sage was different. She did not ever want to be swaddled. She hated being swaddled from day one. You didn't do it tight enough? No, I did. You got tight in that. You got to be tight. Parents get all freaked out. They think they're doing it too tight. I did it really tight. My mom, who's had four kids, she did it because we were all loved to be swaddled. She didn't like to be swaddled? Sage didn't like to be swaddled. Is it on Happiest Baby on the Block where he talks about with kids?

2:51:02You like when they're throwing a fit, you it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. And it might be on that. Maybe it isn't. It might be happiest toddler on the block. Oh, I never saw that. And he says that when your kid is throwing a fit, that you what they need is they need to know that you acknowledge whatever it is that they're upset about. And so he suggests doing it with them. Oh, wow. And he was doing it and he was going like this. I know. Oh, my gosh. Maybe we get that audio. It's funny. And he's like and he's demonstrating the kids throwing a fit. And it was like, you know, they had a camera rolling at all times. So they capture it. Kids doing a fit. And he goes.

2:51:58I know it. I'm a dad, too. Yeah. Not fair. And the kids stopped. We all do that voice, though. I've done it. I know. I know. No, no, no. But that's comforting. Okay. That's comfort. The mimic. He was doing, like, I'm upset, too, with you. And if you do that, it's good. Yeah, because they, like, recognize that you're, like, getting it. Yes. My mom always did the, like, if you hit your head or something. then you'd bat and you would hit the... Don't do that. You're going to make your kids mad, but it worked. I'd be like, oh, and I would laugh and hit the handle that my head hit on or whatever. That's funny. Let's see. M1 Connor from San Diego. Perfect. Hey, what's up, guys? What's going on? Oh, I didn't think of that. Hi, Connor. Hey, how's it going? Good. Mikey, dude, you were talking about how Jake is all super well behaved and whatnot. And you throw more tantrums than him. Well, I got a five-year-old daughter, and she's autistic, too. And she's, like, the same way, man. Like, so maybe it has something to do with that. Well, but there's some autistic kids that do throw tantrums and that do have outbursts and that do do that, you know? Well, they'll have her little, you know what I mean? But that's a little different than just throwing a temper tantrum, you know what I mean? Yeah. They're dealing with sensory integration, and the other ones just don't affect because they're not in their way, you know what I mean?

2:53:28He's pretty good at the not doing the, he didn't throw a fit when he doesn't get his way kind of thing. He's very, he's a good kid. He's so sweet. He's a good kid. Yeah, maybe there's something to it, man. Thank you, bro. Yeah. Let's see. Did he? Really? That was a good looking guy voice? Yeah. He had a nice voice. Because we have ideas of what a good looking girl's voice sounds like. Oh, yeah. He sounded just like a cool guy. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Well spoken. How about that, bro? That we just hung up with. You sound like a cute dude. Mm-hmm. You're very attractive. Yeah. Oh, that feels bad. Some guys. Hey, how you doing? Hello? And he may be a sharp dude, but he's like. You're dumb. Hey, Santa. Would you like to get a drink sometime? Yeah. I knew a guy that really talks like that. You have beautiful eyes. I was thinking maybe we would catch a movie or something. You're the guy from the Mickey show? Yeah. Is that you? Yeah.

2:54:31Mickey Show, right? No, no, no. On 94.9? No, it's Mikey. Ooh, I always call it Mickey by accident when I'm typing on Facebook. My name's John. My name's John. And I thought maybe you want to get some dinner or some... Uh, not tonight. You know I'm a model. That's great. I play volleyball professionally. Don't talk. It's just to make out. Do better. The old radio show I used to work on, one of the guys on it was known for having a high voice, and he had a good sense of humor about it. But people would call in, and they would think I was him, and he was me. I'd be like, no, it's Sienna, and he would do it too. No, this isn't Sienna. That's funny. That sucks. Hello. I know. Hello. Hello. Got news about iPad. We're here. Sienna, how come nobody can match the iPad's price? Well, that's one of the wonderful things about the iPad. When it first came out, people couldn't believe it was just $500. And other people have tried to make similar products to the iPad, but they can get it as low as like $750. So one of the special things about Apple is that, you know, they're one of the most integrated companies in the world. And in addition to operating their own retail chains, all Apple hardware and software are designed in-house. So it means, you know.

2:56:39They can lower the price. Yeah, and they don't have to pay licensing fees to third parties and stuff like that. I can walk into an Apple store and just stay in there for two hours. You can. I've been there with you a couple of times. Home away from home. Two hours. Have you guys seen the window store in Fashion Valley? I bet it's a rip-off. Is it? They're just trying to look like an Apple store? It looks a whole lot like an Apple store. Really? With that? Give me a break. Everything's like yellow in there instead of everything's white. That's an obnoxious color. No, I'm just making that up. No, it's very similar. Yeah. Oh, boy. I went to Apple this weekend. Weird. Sunday. What'd you get? What'd I get? Oh, I got something called bamboo, and I have to take it back because it didn't work. Was it trying to chew it or build with it or what'd you do? Blowing darts through it or what? It's dressing up like a panda. Something called bamboo. Well, the idea is great. The idea is great. It allows you to write on anything. So I got an email. I can take a pen and write on the email in handwriting. I can circle something with a red line draw. I go, no, don't, no. Not sure about this. What about this right here? Draw an arrow to something. How'd you get an allowance for it?

2:58:04Allowance is back. How is that? I didn't tell you guys about that, did I? No. Allowance is back. New budget? New year? Yeah, new year, new budget, tax return. You got lucky. Oh, you got real lucky. Yeah. Congratulations. So did you pay back the outstanding balance? You did. Wow. Paid the outstanding balance. And then still now we're back to getting allowance. Now I got allowance again. Wow. Congratulations. Thank you. I didn't borrow 20 bucks. Happy New Year. What else are you going to buy? I looked at National Geographic has every cover they've ever had since 1964. I looked at that. Don't need that. It's going to take up too much room. Don't need it. Don't need that. Every cover? In what, like a poster? A book? Flyer? It's a program, right? It's in a box and it's on that program wall. And you go, oh, this looks cool.

2:59:07Who wouldn't want every cover of every National Geographic that's ever been made? Nothing. I didn't get it. I'm proud of you. Thanks. You're going back for it. That would be a cool book, like a coffee table book. Yeah, but it's a computer program. It's not a book. You look at it on your screen. Did you get something from Groom and Lounge? Yes. What'd you get? None of your business. What'd you get? CLXC. What is that? What is it? What is it? Seelixi. Seelixi. What is Seelixi? Isolate. Seelixi. What is it? I want to know. Facial serum. Serum? Specifically designed for men?

3:00:07Jay's like, what is a serum? I know what a serum is, but it normally isn't a shot of some sort. Not a drinking, like an injection. What does it do? Anti-wrinkle? Yeah. How many moisturizers do you have? But I'm all woman. Is it specially for men? What's different about this one? I'm trying a different one out. I usually use Anthony Logistics Vitamin C Serum. Of course. Vitamin C is really good for your face. I have an almond moisturizer. Will you do me a favor? Will you write down your entire routine and post it to your blog? Please. Please. Like American Psycho. Please. Please. Please. Please. And I mean, from the minute you roll out of bed at 1230, I want to know the whole routine. Me too. Hey. Tell us right now. I am told that I have great skin. You do. You do. You look good. Great skin. I look like the Marlboro Man. You look good. And I'm five years younger than you.

3:01:07I just want to look younger when I'm older. I'm not judging you. I want to know. Mike, I want to know. I think it's funny because I do the same thing. You guys use better products than me. I want you to tell us what you do. You can even turn off our microphone so we don't laugh. But I want you to be serious. The whole thing. The whole thing. And tell us. Step by step. Do you know it all? Yes. Okay, turn us off. Okay, turn us off. No, no. No, turn us off. I can't handle it with L.O.B. Turn her off. Turn her off. I'm going to laugh. I'm going to laugh. I'll go over to Woods' mic and go, I want you to be serious. I have Dermatologica facial scrub. In the shower? Yeah. You step in the shower. That's where it begins. Dermatologica. What's your robe made out of? It's a white bottle, gray lettering. Let him fit it. Then, Anthony Logistics pads. They have astringent. In the shower? In the shower. First on the face, then the ears. Separate pad. Do you have like shelves in your shower for all of this stuff? Yeah. Okay. They are suction shelves that you get at Bed Bath & Beyond. They suction onto the tile wall. Okay. Continue. I squeeze the pad out until it's dry and I use it in my ears. Okay. Then I apply...

3:02:41Sharps Facial Cleanser. Wait. Scrubbed, estranged, now facial cleanser. Man's Sharps Facial Cleanser. I'm with you. Then I move on to a bar of Hout Cleansing Bar. For your face? For all body. On the loofah? Body fuel on a black L-O-B loofah. Since that's manlier. It's manlier. Yeah. Because it's manlier. What's the fuel for? It's just a body wash. You just washed with the bar, though. But this awakens the skin with an invigorating spearmint. So that's about seven things already. Yeah. Okay, keep going. So you're still in the shower. You've just put the body fuel on with your black loofah and you're soaped up.

3:03:46Yeah. Rinse. Rinse. Then I brush my teeth. Then I use a tongue scraper in the shower. Oh. Then a disposable flosser brush. Okay. Out of the shower. Now. Disposable flosser? It's already in the shower? The floss even? You dispose of it when you're done and then you put a new one in. New cartridge. Do you put the new one in when you get out of the shower or when you get in? I leave it empty so that when I get in, I know to put a new one. Very good. Oh, by the way, first thing I do when I get in, before I turn the water on, I take a bottle of Tylex and spray my fogless mirror. Because fogless mirrors don't work. They actually get foggy. But if you spray them with Tylex, they don't. Okay. Now I know why you wake up at 1.30. Yeah. Then I get out. How long is the shower? Approximately. Long enough to probably where the water starts to get a little cooler. 15 minutes? That's about 20. 20 minutes. 20 minutes. All right. 20. Out of the shower. First thing I apply is Anthony Logistics Vitamin C Facial Serum. Then. Then. Selex. Mattifying. SPF 15.

3:05:18To the face. Lotion. Always wear SPF. It's very good. Then I use Dermatologica SPF 20 to the top of the bald head. Makes sense. Okay. Why not 20 everywhere? Yeah. Because the mattifier works better on my face to take away the shine. Then I use Helix Puffy Eye Cream. Under the eyes to take away the dark circles. From all the late night partying. And puffiness. Partying. From the partying from the night before. Going to bed at 6 p.m. With Yo Gabba Gabba and 6 o'clock going to bed. I mean this stuff works. Yeah. Then I use a hydrating cream to take away wrinkles. 16 things now? Under the eyes. Oh. They're laid out the night before. I lay them out. Now is it the same order? I line them up. Same order every day.

3:06:22Yeah. Okay. Then it has to be. Of course. You said you would not judge me. I'm not judging. I'm jealous. I said I would judge. I'm jealous. I said I would laugh and I would judge. 100%. I'm jealous. In fact, I told you to touch my microphone. But I have your microphone on and you're still judging me. I'm jealous. I know. I know. You can turn it off because it's tough to stop. I am. I use an Herb Mint facial mask. Oh, my God. Wow. Why do Lauren and I have less stuff than you guys? Yeah, all women do. Yeah. It's true. Then I spray Flonase. Flonase is last. And I must use the Flonase after the eye cream. Why is that? I'll forget if I don't do it that way, Starling. Fly, fly now. Doesn't drip out onto your face after it's been moisturized? Not if you use it correctly. It's got it down to a science. Psychological, you see. I think I got everything. Do you put body lotion on? No. No? You should. Lotion your legs. Lotion the arms. The whole body lotion. I do the arms. Polo sport. Me too. Lotion to the arms. I use Palmer's cocoa butter. That's like what pregnant women use. Yeah. So you know it's good. Look at him. Oh. You mother. Jay, you're so mean. You are. He didn't want to get stretch marks. Mike.

3:08:03Go on Grooming Lounge and find a good all-over body lotion. I don't want body lotion. No, trust me, you're going to feel really nice. After the shower, your poise are open. It'll make me feel sticky. No, no. It'll make my body feel wet. Not if you get a good one. No, get a good one and then stand there naked while it dries off. Oh, yeah. Then Menin Speed Stick deodorant with Polo No. 15 body spray under the arm to follow it. Oh, my God. Not just the deodorant. Then Dolce & Gabbana number 15 on the chest. That's what you're going with right now. Bala powder on the boys. I put Bala powder on the chest and the boys. Fresh, nice, all day. Wow. No wonder you won't go camping or anything. Yeah, I couldn't get away from that stuff. Oh my gosh. I used Jack Black dry goods that you gave me, and I like that on the boys as well. Do you do this every morning? Every day. No wonder. I get it. I wake up. And I'm out of the door in 15 minutes with all my girl routine. I show her at night, though. Hey, listen. That's amazing. Beauty this good doesn't just come naturally. I'm amazed. You guys use better stuff than me and more stuff than me. I'm jealous of the products because those are all really nice products. But the Hungarian woman that was... The what? The what? What? That was giving me...

3:09:35The facial. That you had last weekend. Yeah. Only because I was pampering myself. Right. He said, you have perfect, beautiful skin. You have perfect skin. He's perfect. You do have really nice skin. You have nice skin. There's nothing really... I have not seen skin like this. I'm looking under the microscope even. It looks good. Mission accomplished, pal. I guess so. You do... Your face has no shine. Like... Mattifier. Mattifier. It's the greatest thing ever made. Is it like a cream? I don't even know. No, it's a serum. It looks like a serum. It's a facial lotion that when you put it on, when you put it in your hand, it's like Elmer's glue. It's the same consistency as Elmer's glue. When you put your hands together like this, it's like you wiped Elmer's glue all over your hand and then you put it on your face. But it's my moisturizer. I use a John Varvatos modifier. Yeah, I like that. Some comedians will use that because they sweat on stage, but they'll usually put it in the tea zone. Some Mexicans use it because they sweat on their radio show. I like to use an ivory soap. So this keeps it nice and dry looking the whole time. Hi, Hillary. It's weird, you guys. I almost missed a turn into our parking garage as I was in this.

3:10:56Weird trance listening to your list of products. You were stoned from being at reggae fest yesterday. Me too. Second hand. After product, I was like, oh. It's compelling. Wow. What is this guy? It's fascinating. What does he do? Inside the mind of a killer. It's like getting into the mind of a serial killer. Listen, I wouldn't have told it unless Sienna asked it. I'm glad I know. You've listed it before. I did mine. I love it. It's so interesting. My wife, I know for a fact, as I said it, had her eyes closed and was shaking her head. Bless Rebecca's heart. She doesn't use half of what I use. Neither do I. She'll probably use a quarter of what I use. Neither does Paris Hilton. You know how in bathrooms and in closets... Nicole Richie doesn't use half of what I use. The women take about 80% of the closets and the bathroom drawers and stuff? Yeah. That's not the case at Mikey's house. Tammy Faye Baker doesn't use half of what I use. Dolly Parton. Dolly Parton. Now, if you guys are going out to dinner or something, is Rebecca, like, tapping her foot waiting for you? A hundred. No.

3:12:17Actually, the process is very rapid. He's got it down to a side. It's down now. But what about the laying out of all the products? I do that the night before. Mike, what happens if you run out of one item? It doesn't happen. You know why? Why? Because if you open up the bottom drawer of my sink like a serial killer, the products are... Is it OCD? Like you have a little touch of OCD, do you think? Yeah, minus the little touch. Overwhelming amount. You know those don't have an infinite shelf life. Those expire. Oh, the vitamin C and all that. He just ruined his life. You can't do the face for that. That's not true. Wouldn't it say that on there? Read it. That's why they put the paraben thing in there. devastated if it has an expiration date. It won't fade on there. If it's been kept in a cool, dark place that will extend the shelf life. Yeah, you should go look. Keep the stuff room temperature. I would be delighted in sharing that information with me. You can't just have it all stuck. It'll lose its effectiveness. I'm just trying to help you out. I gave Woods no less than 12.

3:13:35Colognes. Colognes. And some products. Yeah, but most of them you didn't like. I wear them all the time. Except for like three. No, I wear them all the time. I thought you said. No, there's a couple that smell like turd. But the rest, like eight of 12 are like really good. So you switch them out, you guys? Yeah, it's changed. See, I like having one. I go different. I have a go-to. Be different. Rebecca bought me a cologne one time called F-U-K-C. Oh, yeah. French Connection. F-U-K. Is it French Connection? Uh-huh. It was hideous. I have it. I like it. I like it. You like it? Yeah, I like it. Isn't it F-C-U-K? Yeah, it's F-C-U-K. French Connection UK? That's right. Or something like that. I thought it was F-U- Suck. Okay. You've actually inspired me. But I'm, however, a girl. To go and buy some more moisturizer stuff. I feel. This is the thing. Out of it. I learned. from a wise man. Patrick Bateman, American Psycho. Yes. He said, if you start this process when you're younger, then when you get old, you'll look younger than you are. Yeah. You could just drink a lot of water, too. Yeah. That helps. Take care of the temple. Doing both. Take care of the temple. Your body is your temple. Mike, you got to take care of the temple. Take care of that temple. By temple, I mean...

3:15:04Your testicles. That is true. What do you got coming up here? Oh, I grabbed Matt and Kim, Arcade Fire, Space Hog, White Stripes, Florence and the Machine, some Beck. Good stuff. I grabbed Beck's Midnight Vultures, one of my favorites. There you go. Lovely and talented Hillary is coming up next. And we will come back tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock, do the whole thing over again. Mike shows out.