The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 02/23/11

0:04I think Woods figured out what was wrong with me yesterday. I had a headache all day, all day. And Woods says he thinks it had to do with, thinks it had to do with caffeine, you know, which scared the pants off me because I think he's right. Too much or too little? I drink so much caffeine that when I don't get enough now. I get a headache. I thought that yesterday, but then I saw a giant coffee cup next to you. I didn't drink as much coffee as I drink normally. It had tequila in it. I thought you were low on Wendy's. You did? I think your Wendy's level was way low. Do you really think that? Yeah, I thought way low. Did the lights just go different in your room? Nope. They didn't? Nope. That's not true. As far as you know. Chris, come into the room, please. Oh, no! It's our little secret, Chris.

1:40I'll kill you. Chris, if you leave that hole, I'm going to kill you. Chris? Yes? Tell me the truth or I'll know. They might have changed a little bit. Don't put those headphones on. Take them off. I do not need him to hear Jay. Hey, Chris, I'm going to kill you. Chris, I just need you to know that if you do not perjure yourself, I'm going to stick you with a blade. Perjure. I may anyway, even if he purges himself. Chris just looked at Jay like, what do I do? What do I do? Jay, what do I do? You know what to do, Chris. He can't hear you. He can't. Don't look at him. Don't look at him, Chris. He can't hear me. Let him put the headphones on. He can hear. Please. That's only fair. Put the headphones on. These are not the lights you're looking for. Because Jay's in another room, so Chris can't hear what Jay's saying. I'm going to kill you. You know what to say, Chris. They're not. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. I'm going to kill you. We practiced. I got a copy of your license. I'm going to kill you. I know where you live. Okay, the truth be known, I'll tell him. Every day, right before the show starts, my lights get dimmed because Mikey likes lights a certain way in my room, even though he's not in my room. He likes to be able to see you. We bring the lights down to half power. Jay doesn't like the fluorescent light. He feels that it's going to kill him, give him cancer. It sucks energy out of you. It's so intense.

3:06It's baking? I want to get real lights out here. I'll go buy them, just lamps. I think Chris should have a lamp in his room. I sat in there for a couple minutes. I was like, bleh. Yeah, it's awful in there as well. Did he tell you to lie for him, Chris? Did he tell you that you needed to say that you didn't turn the light on? But I thought I should listen to him. I know you did, Chris. That's a good boy. That's a good boy. You're just trying to do. Thank you, Mikey. Trying to do what the man tells you. He's playing this innocent lamb. I'm going to kill him. It was his idea. He is an innocent lamb. It was his idea the whole time. He's an actor. Chris is an actor. What a gutty boy. I'm going to take you back like a spring lamb. And I'm going to serve you up with mint jelly. You little jerk. Get in your damn hole and answer the phone. Any Chianti? Yeah, give me some Chianti. So, alright, welcome to the program. There are five people on the Mikey Show. I'm Mikey, I'm the host of the program. Had to clear my outfit with Sienna, first thing. Approved. Yeah, approved. Thank goodness.

4:22Woods had an issue with it. He had a backup plan, though. I have an issue with it, but I think it's okay. I think it'll work. I mean, you're not a Marine. He's wearing a camo. See, you just don't like camo. Oh, yeah. I mean, you're not, you know, you've never been or no one will ever be. You've never played for the Yankees. You wear their cap every day. Yeah, I support their team. I support the military. Yeah, I support the military. Really? Don't let him get in your head, Mike. You used to wear cargo shorts. What were you? The same thing you were, a dork. A couple idiots walking around with those things. Thank you. The one person I cannot shame from those cargo shorts is my brother. Or Jay. He doesn't care. Some people pull it off. Nobody pulls it off. Every time I see him now, I'm like... I think you look bigger than you are. So I'm the host of the show, and Woodsy is our sports guy. He's 35, and he wears a white V-neck T-shirt every day. Lauren O'Brien is our assistant producer. She's a comedian, and she does a lot of voices, and she's got blonde hair, and we call her L.O.B. Yes. Sienna is our news girl. She's 25, and she has auburn-colored hair. She is very pretty.

5:44They don't just run the family, they gallop. They do. And she has freckles. That is a true fact, true story. Jay is 47 years of age, although he doesn't look it. He's got strength he shouldn't have. I know. Freakish strength. Freakish, weird strength. I know. And are you feeling under the weather? Is that the deal? I am. I'm feeling a lot. Kind of a cold came on me last night, so I took... Cough syrup, and I was like, ooh, last night. No, I took a little this morning. I was like, ooh. A little cognac in there. We're going to have to sanitize. Yeah, I'm washing my hands a ton. There you go. Keep us good to go. And our phone screener today is Chris. It's Cross. It's Cross. I forgot. Well, I'm not sure what that was. I just want to let people know that at 8 o'clock we're going to be talking about, and you can call us and you can tell us how you're a monster. And what we mean by that is you do this, and listen, it's the way it is. You do it. You know it's wrong, but you do it anyway. Lighthearted stuff. Lighthearted stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Please lighthearted. I kill people at night with my car, and I run into them, and then I leave. I will sometimes use some silverware, and then instead of cleaning that silverware,

7:05to do something with it later, I'll just take another piece of silverware of the same type, use it, and I'll just keep doing it. Because I'm not washing the dishes. There's like five knives or five spoons in the sink. When I could have just washed the one spoon. Nope. Nope. And then Jay, the old man that does science, is happening at 7.30. Yeah. It's going to be good. I never know what it is. We never know what it is. Don't know what it is. It's got a new theme song that I haven't heard. Nobody will let me hear it. I've heard and I approve of it. And you will love it. I guarantee it. See, I wouldn't let me hear it. I started to play it. She's like, stop. No. Hear it on the radio. Hear it on the radio. I'm like, it isn't dirty, is it? No, it's brilliant. It's not dirty at all. It's just him singing a song. It's probably dirty. It's probably dirty. No, it's not dirty. I'll make love to science. Science got big jobs. Science is biology, so all my testicles. Nothing like that. It's just his voice. I don't want to oversell it. Oh, I can't wait. The word of the day is popsicle. So when you hear me say popsicle, between now and 10 a.m., be caller number nine to get yourself a pair of sunglasses, tickets to see G-Lovin' Special Sauce, and also a Mikey Show t-shirt. Congrats.

8:27When I say the word, I'll work that into a sentence. Popsicle. Sometime tune down 10. Muammar Gaddafi is a crazy person. Oh, boy, is he ever. As many of you may or may not know, he was a big deal years and years ago. Back in the 80s, Muammar Gaddafi was very well known for being a tyrant. And we had a president named Ronald Reagan. And Libya. shot a plane out of the sky. And there were some Americans on it. And that upset our president. Except the nation. The nation was very upset that this guy who had been known as a... You know what? Put it into perspective. Think of Kim Jong-il today. Right? Guy that barks a lot. You're going to bark all day, little dog. You're going to bite. Think of somebody like Kim Jong-il. Guy is a tyrant. And the world sees it. Well, same deal with Momar. Well, he shot a plane out of the sky that had some Americans on it. And the way that Ronald Reagan responded to it was to instantly, and I mean instantly, hustle a couple of F-15s up and drop a couple of bombs on the presidential palace that killed his kids, killed his sons. Trying to kill him, but killed him, killed his sons. And said that we will not accept.

9:53That type of behavior from outlaw states. And then we didn't hear from Muammar Gaddafi again until now. But he's been silent. Thank you, President Reagan. Since then. Now, Facebook organizes all these people in Egypt. They throw a rally that turns into a big protest that turns into the leader of their country. He's ousted. All because of a Facebook deal. Right? So now the rest of the Middle East is like, this is a good bit. Sure are. I think this is a good bit. I think we will do this bit. We will organize. Do you remember the password we set up for the Facebook page? I can't remember. I'm losing my mind. I've been crying for days. It was Playmate 81. 76? I put 81. It won't open. It asked me for my pet name when I was a child. I can't for the life of me remember. I put Dixie, but I guess that's not it. Then it say...

10:55Mothers made the name. How do I know? I don't know. Then it says, first, with your favorite teacher. I had four. How do you choose? Let's go to get a cocktail. Forget it. Forget the protest. Nothing will change. Well, now they've been protesting for days in Libya. And Muammar Gaddafi is back with a vengeance. This is a speech. Part of his speech. Oh, it's the nuttiest thing. RPG rocket launchers have been provided to Benghazi by the Americans. They have just confused them. They have made them dizzy. They offer them those hallucination pills in order to use them. You know, as I think about it, and I don't know, maybe somebody in the military can tell me more. I want to say. I think that I saw on the History Channel that we used to give American pilots something. A little something something. I can't remember what, but it was like... Along the lines of the hallucinogenic? No. No, no. It was to keep them awake, wasn't it? It was more along the lines... Amphetamines. Yeah, amphetamines. Ah. I don't know what it was. Doesn't surprise me. But, you know, it worked. Yeah.

12:25He might be half right, but they weren't hallucinogenics. It was probably the translator's fault. I think he said LSD, but I don't know translation. I don't know the proper translation. What he said was, make you see elephant. But I don't know how to translate. His street name for crystal meth here. How do you say crystal meth in your language? I don't know. So I say it this way. This march cannot be stopped by those agents, those rats, those cats who move in the dark. It gets creepier. It gets a lot creepier. Listen to this one. Whoever cooperates with foreign countries in order to instigate war against Libya, the punishment will be execution. Whoever tampers with the country. is also punished by execution. Whoever facilitates the entering of enemies into the country of Libya, whoever damages the ports, the airports has to be executed. Pretty crazy. Sounds like a 14-year-old kid translating that. I know it. Well, I had my own translator translate it.

13:50What is the matter with you people? You should want a Denny's, not freedom. Think about it. The Grand Slam or the moons over Miami. Delicious. Or a Rudy to the fresh and fruity. Oh, wait. No, that's IHOP. Totally my bad. Oh, my God. I got translated a different way. I guess I'm getting Denny's for breakfast today. It sounds real good. So can I say a couple other things that are happening in Libya right now? Right now they're on their ninth day of the standoff. And yesterday Gaddafi's justice minister resigned. A bunch of other ambassadors abroad resigned. One of his closest associates who was the... I found it interesting he had a broad that was working under him. Oh, you guys love when I say abroad. I really just thought that was so strange because in those countries, you know, a lot of times women are not as high thought. They don't have the same power or whatnot. His interior minister also resigned, and basically he said that he was going to the side of the protesters and that all other armed forces should join in the revolt. Hello. I am his interior minister. That means that I am in charge of everything that is in the interior. Like all of the documents and things like that? No, like the drapes.

15:14Oh, you're like his interior designer. Yeah, I'm the interior director. Interior minister. Interior minister. So you decorated the palace? So if you like, thank you. You bless it with fashion? Yes, I bless it with fashion. If you like, then you're welcome. It was my design. It's lovely. Thank you. Too bad it's in Libya, but. I'm the interior minister. Congrats. You're welcome. It's a pretty. Pink blouse that you're wearing. Thank you. It is Isaac Miserable. Obviously. Obviously. Oh, boy. More checkpoints have also been set up. Stores closing. People are having a really hard time finding food. Just crazy. I was listening to some audio this morning. It was like three minutes of just... camera on a street and just hearing constant gunshots. I mean, they don't know how many people have died. They're guessing around 200 right now. But yeah, there's no for sure number. M1 Eli from San Diego knows a little bit about what I was talking about. Right, Eli? Yes, I do. Just a little bit. Are you in the military? Yes, I am. I'm in the Marine Corps. Okay. What can you tell me? Back in the day, naval aviation started in 1912 and around that area of time,

16:36They were still using products like cocaine in Coca-Cola. And at that time, it was long before the drug policies in the military, which came after Vietnam, they were putting trace amounts of speed in cocaine were being issued out to pilots. And they were getting hold of them overseas so they could fly long missions. Yeah. Wow. Sometimes they'd be flying. You'd be out there for a day, two days. It didn't matter. It was a lot. a lot different time then. They didn't have nearly as many people and definitely didn't have nearly as many skills to do that job. Eli, as you were talking, Woods was sort of illustrating how this would happen. He was pretending to be a pilot holding a yoke and then doing lines off the top of the dashboard of the airplane, which I don't think they were actually able to make lines in the aircraft. Probably put a mirror on his knee. Really? And just real quick. Yeah, he would hold the yoke and then lean down. With a rolled on 20. Maybe he did it off the back of the toilet. The back of the toilet. That was in the plane. Because that clearly would have been there as well. They would issue toilets to the plane. Yes. Maybe there was a stripper in the aircraft. And just to show how decadent his life was, he would do it from the strippers behind or something. How else did I do it, really? Fair enough. Thanks. M1 Mike from Chula Vista.

17:58Hey, what's going on, Mikey? What's going on? You guys? Good. The other caller pretty much beat me to the punch. Yeah, they're pretty much just go-pills, amphetamines and whatnot. There was actually an incident. Were they called go-pills? Yeah, that's what they call them, go-pills. Go-pills. Yeah. And did the government issue them? Yeah, yeah, they issued them. They actually stopped a while ago. There was an incident with a couple pilots who kind of freaked out on them. Bombed something, so they kind of cut that out. Yeah. Yeah, I guess, you know, if you're giving them go pills, they get too many go pills and they just want to start bombing 7-Elevens out in the middle of Egypt. All right, thanks. Hey, no problem. Appreciate it. Well, you know, it happens. So anyway, there's what's happening in Libya right now. You know, Ted Williams, the golden-voiced homeless guy, apparently is back in the news. Why, Sienna? I'm pretty sure we predicted this when he first got on the news because of his YouTube video. Yeah. They're giving him another shot of fame because he will now be starring in a reality show. Oh, boy. Of course. The doctor ordered. He's going to begin shooting the show in two weeks. It's called Second Chances at Life. Who?

19:14Who's doing it? Who's producing it? Does it say? It doesn't say, no. Like, is it going to be on a network? I'm sure it'll be on a network. It doesn't say which one, but it's saying he begins shooting Second Chance of Life in two weeks. The show will document how he went from a promising radio career to living on the streets and becoming an internet sensation. It's going to be shot in his hometown of Brooklyn, then Ohio, where he was homeless, and then it's moving to L.A., which is where he's been recently. Wow. I see that as an interesting one-shot deal. But not a series. Right. I would watch like a 2020 special on him or something. Well, I think the Exploit channel is picking it up. Yeah. And so they exploit people. Dr. Phil's on that channel? Yeah, that's right. I have a show on there. Ted, you're going to be on there. I actually own the Exploit channel. I am. And we just show my television program 24-7. Correct. Not for love. Is that Oprah? You got your own network, Oprah. You don't have to worry about mine. That's right. She kicks your ass up and down the court, doesn't she? You know, that's no way to talk to the man that's trying to exploit you. Fair enough. It's no way to talk to the man that's given you literally tens of dollars to be on this show today. Tens of dollars. It's absolutely wrong, Ted.

20:35You actually got that wrong. It's tens of twenties of dollars is what you've paid me so far today. I gave you six twenties. Correct. Now what does that equal? That equals a bottle and a half of Jack Daniels. That's some expensive Jack you're getting. It's gentleman Jack. You know that. You sound like that NFL player that ran up a thousand dollar tab. It was a hundred thousand dollars. Yeah, Bryant McKinney. Yeah, I'm going to try to exploit him. You should. Try to send him to rehab. Worked well for me. Yeah, sure did. Here you are again, making $24 for appearing on my show. Even Oprah wouldn't give you $24, and she owns the state of Maryland. I made you. She did make you. You do owe her your life. It's a true fact. She did make me. That is true. I'm a made man. I'll destroy you. She'll do that, too. You know, she sold me into white slavery. Did I tell you that? Fair enough, yes. Yes. She actually owns me. It's underground. And you get a white slave. That's right. She gave away on the show. White slaves. I was one of them. It's called reparations. Adam Carolla was another. Yes, it's called reparations. That's right. I'm all for it. Being sold into white slavery is a terrible thing. Sometimes it's good, though, because you make enough money that you can open the exploit channel, like I did. I look forward to getting started. Thank you, Ted. Thank you, Phil. Somali pirates.

22:03I can't believe we can not stop that. Pirates. Well, specifically these guys. Bad news. This is a crazy story. Now, there was a group of Somali pirates yesterday killed four Americans. Two of the Americans, Gene and Scott Adam, were from California. They were holding them board hostages on their yacht off the coast of Somalia. And what they didn't know, the pirates, was a U.S. Navy destroyer had been shadowing the yacht when one of the pirates fired a rocket. propelled grenade at the ship. So, yeah, the navies came up following the gunfire and were able to get on the yacht. The four Americans were already killed, but they were able to kill two of the pirates. Fifteen pirates were taken into custody, including the two who'd been negotiating on the U.S. warship.

22:52It was a lot going on, but it's so sad because the four people, Americans, that were killed were sailing around the world handing out Bibles. Oh, wow. Since 2004. Yeah, they were going on a 10-year around-the-world trip. They had been to New Zealand. They had been to Alaska, the Galapagos Islands, Costa Rica, you know, Thailand, Cambodia. I don't understand the whole Somali pirate thing, man. I know. Blow them all up. I say that too, man. Blow them all up. It's awful. I know. Anyway, new iPad. That's right. It's a deal. Well, people didn't think that the new iPad was going to come out until about June, but yesterday there were reports out saying that Apple's going to be launching the newest version of their iPad March 2nd. Oh, wow. We've got to save that stock in case Steve Jobs is out. Yeah, they're getting it out quick. I know. Well, did they say anything about it? No, not really. Probably be sleeker, lighter. Slimmer, lighter. It's going to have better resolution. There's going to be cameras, I know, on the front and the back of it. Better kisser. Dance better. Everything better. Everything's going to be better. Better cook. I think it says in parentheses, Mikey, yes, you need this. Yes. I know. Doesn't even need to say that. Yeah. He just knows. It just says, you know that. You know that. I might get one. Might. Surprise.

24:19Well, you'll just say, well, Jake loves my iPad, so I'll just give that to him. So then he has his own. I think that that's... That's fair. I think that that not only is fair, I think it's practical. How old is your current iPad? About a year. About a year. About six months old. A year and a half? About six months old. A year and a half? A year and a half. It's about as old as Sage. Yeah, about six months old. Six months. No. Yes! About six months old. You didn't get it right when they came out. You got it in the summer. They went on sale April 2010. You waited a couple months at least. I think you got it in the summer, my friend. Yeah, I probably did. I probably waited two months. I know I couldn't have waited more than two months. No, there's no way. So it means I got it in June. But mine doesn't have the 3G, which means I can't take it outside. The only place I can take it. How dare you, Ellie? Gosh, you love the outdoors, too. You have to do that. Well, I can't use it at the beach or when I'm hiking. You should probably get the camo bumper that they put on there. Oh, for sure. How dare you. And your hiking gear. You know, I think it's okay because your son Jake really does love it. You think he's not going to love the new one better?

25:30He will, but this way, you know, he has one of his own to play with. Maybe I'll take Jake's when you're done. Maybe Jake's will have Jake's. He'll want yours, and you'll want the new one when it comes out. He don't get any part of the new one. He gets the old one. I'll give him a popsicle, and he'll be happy with that. How about that? Fair enough. Won't you lay me down in the tall grass and let me do my stuff? You know what kind of stuff I'm talking about. Okay, so I've got to play this for you. This is pretty crazy. Listen to this nut job that jumped the barricade when the Today Show were broadcast. You know, the Today Show people go outside, you know, and listen to this guy jump the barricade when they were outside their studios. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Can't chew gum and blah, blah, blah at the same time. Okay, here we go.

26:48Remember Rachel Friedman, the bride-to-be who was paralyzed at her own bachelorette party in a freak accident. When we come back, I'll tell you what he said, what happened, the whole deal. The explanation next. 7.30. Jay, the old man that does science. I'm nervous. 8 o'clock. How are you a monster? And what we're talking about is it's, you know, lighthearted, but it's stuff that you do. You know you probably shouldn't do it. Mikey, you always throw away the glad plastic container. Always. They're disposable. You know you're not supposed to throw them away, and you always do. You never reuse them. Holy cow. They're reusable. M1 Christina from Mexico is on the line. Are you there, Christina? Yeah, I'm here. Christina, what was the word of the day? Popsicle. You are correct.

28:12You won a pair of angel sunglasses. You won a pair of tickets to see G-Love and Special Sauce. And you also won a Mikey Show t-shirt. Thank you. You do not sound excited, Christina. Oh, I'm sick. Sorry. Oh, what do you got? I like everything. You got the Mexican influenza? Yeah, I got it. Trots. Oh, yeah. The Mexican hot trots. Mexican trots will get you real good. They're terrible. What part of Mexico are you in? Juana. Really? She said it right, Woods. Tijuana? Tijuana. I say Tijuana. It's not right. Hey, do you come here? Do you travel back and forth between places? You do, Christina? I travel every day. Wow. How would you feel about bringing me some delicious food? Sounds good. I can do that. Yeah, I mean, when you're better. I mean, right now you're sick. But when you're not sick, how would you feel about bringing me delicious food? I'd love it. I'd love to bring you food. That would be great. That would be amazing. You can get good food there. Oh, man.

29:16You make homemade tortillas? Yes. Yeah. Oh, I love those so much. Oh, that's so good. All right. Hang on a line. The pinto beans. All right. So I told you that on the Today Show, some whack job jumped over the barricades and went after the people on the Today Show. I'll let you hear it again. Remember Rachel Friedman, the bride-to-be who was paralyzed at her own bachelorette party in a freak accident? Didn't it sound like you heard the word gun? Yeah. Whip out the gun? What? No. I thought it sounded like that to me, but maybe it wasn't. But anyway, listen again. Remember Rachel Friedman, the bride-to-be who was paralyzed at her own bachelorette party in a freak accident? Oh, Jesus. Is that Barbara Walters? I've got the gun, like, to get him if he was going to do something to hurt them. I think that's what he yelled. Like, it was a security guard that yelled it. Wow.

30:17Okay. Now listen to this. Ann Curry. You know what? I'm going to start with the news because we'll find out what's happened outside in a little bit. But let's talk about the news. New Zealand is reeling from a... All right. Okay, so now the explanation. What happened? It is now 8.04. Let's now go back to Inside Meredith, Willie, and Al. We're certainly awake now, boy. What happened? Well, there was this gentleman behind the barrier. I wouldn't call him a gentleman. As we started to talk, he just suddenly said, oh, you caught the words. God's gift to music. And then hurled himself over the barricade. He was directly behind me. I didn't see what he was doing. I just thought it was some guy screaming until I saw you jump forward. Yeah, I was gone. When I saw him first, I'm kind of watching. You saw him? You guys were gone. Well, we're very lucky that we have great security. We did. I saw him. And also the New York Police Department. to get him down on the ground very quickly and hopefully

31:19Everything's fine now. I'm just glad everybody's okay. I just heard, you know, you guys stopped talking. So I started, you know, blah, blah. Anyway, well, yes, and you did great in that. You're fabulous. Thank you. I saw you in there and you were good with the thing. Thank you for doing your job. Save the day as usual. As usual. Couldn't do it without Ann Curry. And we were being threatened by a guy that could have had a gun. But thank you for doing the news. You stay inside. where it's warm. We'll be out here with the lunatics. Literally taking grenades. Literally taking grenades. You good? You need coffee? I can get you a sandwich or anything? You good? Okay. We'll be out here. Want me to order something in for you? Or can I... Anything? One sugar, two... What a monster! We owe you our lives or... You know? Well, you just take it to the house. We'll be out here in the trenches, okay? Guys, could somebody get Ann an award? For staying inside. Is there a humanitarian award laying around? Yes. Nobel Peace Prize for staying inside. She's definitely going to need a raise. Yes. Somebody had to deliver the news while you guys were just off. That's right, Ann. Gallivanting, playing G.I. Joe. You did. You did. But, I mean, we were, that was weird, you know, because we were just, you know, we were getting attacked. Just give me an espresso. All right. Get Ann an espresso. Stay up. Jay got me.

32:44Holy cow, did he get me in his recap. He says yesterday after the show he goes by a hobby shop because he wants to get some stuff for Jasper. He's building a rocket with Jasper. Just rad. What's a hobby shop? Hobby shops where they sell things that people do like make rockets or do helicopters or race cars. It's mostly a boy thing. I think it's a big boy thing. 40 angry. Women, you know, Lib are going to call me and go, you know, women can go to hobby shops too. Sorry. Women can do everything that a man can do. Except direct horror films. Except direct horror films is what Mikey informed us this morning. But anyway, so Jay goes to a hobby shop to get some stuff for Jasper's Rocket. And he goes in there. He's at the counter. He picks out what he wants, opens his wallet up. And his money is gone. And he freaks out. Because there was supposed to be about at least $50 in his wallet, which to Jay is about $1.4 million. That's six months of groceries. That's right. So he's in a full-blown panic. Damn it, Woods! I was angry. Get out of my water!

34:00Where's Chris? I bet Chris stole it. I guarantee you he did. The guy's never said a cuss word in his life or stolen anything in his life, but I bet he took it. He got it in my wallet when I was loading Mike's audio and took my 50. Yeah. Granted, this is a designated driver for his friends on a regular basis, but I bet he stole my money. And granted, it was a Confederate $50 bill, which doesn't have no use anymore, but he took it. Yeah. I took it off of the body of a dead President Grant. What'd y'all do? Go to Vegas? Blow it out? Yeah. What's the matter with you? So anyway, he gets upset about it. He's in a panic. He calls Kim. And Kim says, yeah, I took it. And Jay loses his cock-a-doodie mind. I did. I snapped. He snapped. What about what's mine is yours? Now, wait a minute. Jay, did you snap? Did you call Kim outside in your car or just outside? I walked away from the counter and went to like the corner by the train. So you're still in? Oh, yeah. I'm still in the store. So when she tells you that she took it, you're in the hobby shop and you begin to freak out in the hobby shop. And talk loud. How bad? I said some things I shouldn't have said. I definitely. Blew his top. Blew my top. He lost it. He was hurt that she had, you know, I always say anger is hurt, sad is hurt.

35:28He was hurt that she took it without asking. He was sad that he wasn't going to be able to buy what he needed. And when he first got mad, he was afraid. Like, did somebody rob me? Yeah. Okay? So he was angry. He had all three. He had all three going. So I took it all out on her. So he took it all out on Kim. Well, Kim let him go for about two minutes. Just let him go. Get it out of your system. Got real quiet. Got quiet. Get it out of your system, pal. Which makes it worse. Wow. And then, you done? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I took the money to pay for those Girl Scout cookies that you asked me to pay for. I bet you felt real good after that. How about this tall? No. Well played, Kim. The girls are so proud. The girls are so proud of Kim. Look at that. Look on Sienna's face right now. She's like, yes, Kim. My wife right now is jumping off the bed. Getting back on the bed, jumping off. She's doing somersaults. Yeah, somersaults. It's like Greg Lugate.

36:39How about a heads up, though? I didn't even know the cookies were there. What are you doing ordering Girl Scout cookies, Jay? They were for everyone. It was for the Girl Scouts. Or they tasted real good. Just pawing those down. Let me tell you, Jay gives everybody the hardest time. It's genetics. The reason Jay looks so good, the reason Jay is as strong as he is, is because of genetics. His dad was that way. His dad was that way. My dad was heavyset. Guy can lift a Volkswagen with his bare hands. He can. It's because he's got freakish strength. He's one of the healthiest guy eaters I've ever seen. Is he? No. Guy powered down two Krispy Kremes. Yeah, Krispy Kremes. He was eating this cake in here. I didn't have any cake. I didn't have any cake or pie. Then he goes extra hard, like, workout-wise. I know. He's good. He does work out a lot more than us. We could be fit if we chose to work out. You went to Wendy's yesterday? I went and paddleboard. It's killing me. It's killing me. Ah! Guy just calls you out. Gosh. He'll get you. It's killing me. I think my favorite part was when you had the big piece of cake in your hand. No plate. And you're like, we'll go to Wendy's. Okay, okay, okay. I give. He keeps going. No, you're just going to keep it. You remember that time?

38:02Remember that time you was sucking down some fajitas over there? And then Woods brought in a burger and you had half that. You're like, shut up, dude. Mackie, remember when you were 12, you ate that whole thing of nachos with chili on it? I've seen the pictures. Should have fed four people. Fed one fat 12-year-old. Jay should be a personal trainer because he can shame. Oh, yeah. And make you feel so bad about what you eat. Well, that's why I was so happy to read this and see that he got a little shamed. $50 worth of Girl Scout cookies. Wasn't quite $50. So when you got home, was she just like... Oh, yeah. She was ready to go. She had a little wicked smile on her face. Why is it so satisfying to us as a couple when we get our spouse that way? It really is. You know why I think it is? Because it's like discovering gold. And it doesn't happen very often. No, not often enough. Especially for us. For them, I'm sure it does. It happens for women all the time. We get guys. We get guys. I laugh. If Matt gets me, I just have to start laughing. Oh, I would not accept the laughter. I'm an idiot. I get in trouble more, I think. You do? I don't know why. You get in trouble more? He's good at making me apologize. No! Oh, man.

39:22Rebecca apologized to me yesterday, but she don't usually give me. I am the leader in our house, and apologies. Oh, yeah. Ditto. I'm apologizing a lot. Can we say, Mike and I were on the phone yesterday. I'm still laughing. I told Woods this morning. Mike and I were on the phone yesterday, and I hear Jake in the background, and he says, Dad, you're talking too loud. And so Mike starts laughing and he goes. Did you hear what he just said? And Santa goes, I'm talking too loud and he's trying to watch TV. Yeah, he's trying to watch TV. So Mike leaves to try to get away so that Jake has peace and quiet. And he opens the closet door so he can go in there to talk to me. And he says, Rebecca's in here on the phone. She's sitting in there Indian style on the floor on her phone. She's talking to me. You ever just have a four-year-old rule your house? Yeah. The other day, I finally taught him the phrase, you're not the boss of me. Oh, no. She thought it was hysterical. Gores. I said, hey, dude, you're not the boss of me. And he started laughing because he thought that sounded funny. And then he started giggling. He goes, I am the boss of you. I go, no, you're not. I'm the boss of you.

40:47And Rebecca was in the other room and she goes, who's really the boss? He's going to use that against you. I know it. I know it. 570-1949 is our number. Should we tell everybody about our Wendy's excursion that we went on yesterday? We got cut off in line by some guy. Refill on his drink. And I mean he pushed us out of the way to get his refill. Well, he rubbed into us. He did. As he went by us. And we both go, happy birthday, pal. It's understood. If you want a refill, you go to the front. No, I guess you can knock people over. You just not say excuse me. Happy birthday. He has warm food sitting on his table. You don't want to get in the way of that. Woods and I have different takes on dining in at fast food places. We do. You guys went inside. Yeah, we went inside. I don't like dining in at all. I don't think. Anyone does, except for one person. I like it. My parents do, too. It's fast food or anyway. We're like the only people in there. It's weird. Seats are all sticky, flat, hard, plastic. It's not a peep show. It was Wendy's. It was terrific. Who likes to eat at the dealer's house? You know what I mean? That's why it's fast food. You get it and go. But when you get it home, the fries are all gnarly. That's why you eat it in the way. Yeah.

42:11What am I, a savage? I'm going to be shoveling down a double cheeseburger? Don't act like you don't. You order an extra one for the road. I get an appetizer sometimes for the drive home, but I don't have a whole meal. By appetizer, you mean a carbon copy of the meal that you order. I get a Big Mac for the road, but it's not a big deal. It's just to get me home. I'm hungry. I have before gone through the drive-thru, caught in my bag, and then pulled over to park and eat it in my car. I'd rather do that. I'd rather sit in the car like I'm a guy hooker in your car. and have our sandwich that way than sit in the restaurant. I like to be in there. I like to go by myself because I'll read the paper and eat my lunch. I like a little serenity and peace in my life. Nothing says serenity like a really hard fiberglass chair. With yellow and red everywhere. I feel like there's just ketchup everywhere. Staining my clothes. They're designed to get you, the colors are actually designed to get you out of there. They're supposed to be, like, irritating and kind of abrasive. It works. There's usually two people, me and Woods. It's homie. I even had to ask him. I go, well, where are we going to eat? He goes, in the Wendy's. He looked at me like I was an idiot. I will eat inside in and out, though. I don't have a problem with that. It's different for me. I don't want that either. I feel uncomfortable. I feel like I'm...

43:35Sitting on hard fiberglass, probably because I am. Did you guys drive separately and meet? Yeah. Uh-huh. We met for lunch. You are strange, strange men. As opposed to what? Leaving one of our cars here at work, driving there, coming back? But it's not like... If you didn't plan to sit down and eat there, then why did you need to go together? That was my... But we didn't go together. We met there. Yeah, but why did you need to meet there? Because we wanted to have lunch together. Well, we were going to have lunch. Mike was planning on leaving. Yeah, we wanted to have Wendy's. We wanted Wendy's. We wanted Wendy's. You know that. And I said. We just called it lunch. And I said, well, I go, let's do this. I said, why don't you go home? I'll pick you up. And we'll go to Wendy's. Because I was thinking we'll go through the drive-thru. That's what everyone does. And then what would you have done? Gone back to one of your houses or just dropped them off? Probably eaten there in the car or eaten on the way. Whatever. That's how I'm used to eating fast food. Yeah. What'd you get? Really? I want to know. Woods, I want to know too. I got it. I got it. Don't leave anything out. I won't leave anything out. I got a combo. Which one? The one that is the single cheeseburger with the fries and a small drink. Not bad. Woods? I too got a combo. The double cheeseburger with fries and a drink.

44:57What size was your fries and drink? Medium. It was medium. I can't believe this. So when the Mexican woman was putting the food onto the trays, she got this big, giant, double hamburger, and she put it on my tray. And then she picked it back up again and looked at the woman and goes, single, double. And the lady goes, double. And she put it on Woods'. You know that. Trey. It was delicious. Oh, my God. It was so delicious. How are their new fries? I haven't had them yet. They're better? They're incredible. Oh, no. They're great. They're really good. I like them better. Oh, my God. Oh, they're so good. I haven't had fast food in months. Yeah, me neither. Me neither. Just every day this week so far. I need the fries now. Woods deals with stress with food. Yep. Which will cause more stress. Yes. It's funny because he's fat. Thank you. It's killing me. It's killing me. What's on the agenda today? Because you have big jobs. Fine. Maybe a little Long John Silver's this afternoon. Maybe a salad. Nah. That really made me laugh. That was real. That was real. That was a real laugh. Actually, considering a salad. Involuntary. Yes. I sat down to dinner last night.

46:24And I took Frank's Red Hot and I was going. And I did. And I mean, I'm not kidding. I was probably doing that for 60 seconds. Quarter of the bottle was gone. And next to me, I heard a Hungarian woman go. She in her mind, she goes, I get it. You're Mexican. You like hot stuff. OK, I get it. And she goes. You must really like, huh? Did she make the food? Rebecca. I was going to say, she might have been offended. Yeah. I like hot sauce. I do too. You're lucky that Jay is keeping his mouth shut right now. Oh, I know. I know, he just loves to get you.

47:32Hey, somebody going to eat the rest of that cake that Mike brought in? How many pieces do you have there, Debbie? Two? You had two of those yesterday? Mr. Diet. Diet. Getting your bikini body going there? I dare you. You're going to have to wear a one-piece this year. Your wife is going to look slamming. I know. She's been working out. Yeah. And she's trying to get you on board with her and you're going to Wendy's in secret with Woods. You're like Kool-Aid busting through a wall. Or Fat Albert. You just combine two fat cartoons. That's right. You just kill me with two references in one sentence. You're like Jabba the Hutt drinking Kool-Aid. Hey, hey, hey. Oh. It's okay. You're a Kool-Aid guy busting through a brick wall with Princess Leia with a chain around your neck. Screaming, hey. Because you're a really morbidly obese black guy named Fat Albert. Don't forget to rerun. Hanging out with reruns. Hanging out with reruns. 570-1949. Call us now. We'll play Buzzword. Call us right now. 570-1949. Buzzword.

49:04All right, here's how buzzword works, in case you want to know, before you call. What's the prize, by the way? Jay? Today's prize is tickets to see The Mechanic. All right. Apparently, Mike has left, and it's just The Mechanics now. I was thinking of the same thing. No, it's a movie called The Mechanic. You call. You're going to pick me, Sienna Woods, or L.O.B. Jay's going to give us a buzzword. Then he's going to give us clues, and our answer has to include that buzzword. I'll give you an example. Let's say that the buzzword was egg. If Jay said to be embarrassed, we'd yell out, egg on your face! There you go. So call us right now, and we will represent you. 570-1949. We'll be right back.

50:24Welcome back. Alright, so ready to do a little buzzword here. And we will be doing buzzword in just a couple of minutes. And up for grabs a Mikey Show t-shirt. Sienna, what's going on in news? Well, just an update on the New Zealand earthquake. The toll is now death 75, 300 people still missing. Just an awful earthquake. 6.3 magnitude, if you didn't hear, hit on Monday in New Zealand. John Key, the prime minister, declared a national state of emergency. Soldiers, police, other emergency workers are all, you know, gathering around the city trying to pick up rubble, trying to find these 300 missing people. So just so sad. Also, something kind of cool in San Diego. Crime Stoppers have a new free app for the iPhone. It's called TipSoft. And you can go right to the iPhone app store. You type in TipSoft. Download this program. You create a password. And basically, you just send a message, photos, or even videos that let police know if you see a crime. So if you're at a bank and, say, a bank robber comes in, you go to this app and you type it in really quick. You can send video, picture, whatever. That's cool. And immediately, they're on it.

51:48That's cool. So again, it's called Tip Soft App. Woods, how do you feel about Tip Soft App? Fine with it. You are. As long as it helps stop crime, I'm in. As long as it's not, hey, I saw a guy speeding on the 5 and here's his license plate. I'm okay with that. But that's crime, isn't it? Is it? Mm-hmm. Isn't it? Come on. Come on. Well, Jay, you did it, right? There are varying degrees of crime, and I think we could all admit that. You did the... Person speeding bit, didn't you? Well, person speeding down my street where my kids are playing. Oh, right. But if I'm on the 5 and I'm going 80 and somebody's like, this guy's going 80. Speed limit, 70. Yeah. And they send in my license plate. Like, I never liked those cameras that get you for blazing a yellow light either. I'm like, if the cop's not there, then I didn't commit a crime. Yeah, who doesn't get in trouble? The guy where there's no camera? Yeah. It's the same bit with the call 911 if you think somebody's a drunk driver. People are calling 911 to report a drunk driver when they just don't like you. They don't like the way you drive. They don't like the way you drive. They call and report you. Yeah, but if you're not drunk, you're fine. Yeah, but usually I'm speeding, so. Yes. It's a big hassle. Let's see. So, Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Sports is brought to you today by Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Get some. Well, so the trade for Carmelo Anthony to the Knicks.

53:10is through, and it's complete, and it's final, and there's differing opinions. For example, the Nuggets GM who traded Carmelo said, quote, we got killed on this deal, but they had to do it. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, and he was a squeaky wheel, and he wanted out, so they got him out of there, and he said, we feel we got killed in the trade because we lost a couple of pretty good players. Obviously, Carmelo, Anthony, I feel sad for the city of Denver. I feel bad it was done on my watch to lose a guy like that, also Chauncey Billups. I think we had to do it. So the guy, you know, he complained enough to where they had to trade him. But Knicks head coach Mike D'Antoni is very excited. We have added one of the best players in the league. And, you know, again, we gave up a lot just because to get the best player in the league, you have to do that. But at the same time, teaming him up tomorrow is going to be exciting. Yeah, so I think tonight will be his first game. Tonight or tomorrow will be the first game for Carmelo Anthony. And then also today it came down that tight end Jeremy Shockey has been cut by the New Orleans Saints. He's had three years in New Orleans. He won a ring there. Actually, he was hurt during the Super Bowl, I think. What's the reason they give, do they say? They got a guy. They got a guy under him. He's also from Miami, Daniel Graham. And Shockey's helped groom him into a really good player. And so they don't need Shockey in his salary anymore. And I think there was a douchebag clause in his contract.

54:29that actually let them cut. It was a DVC. And they were able to say, hey, you're a douchebag, so you're out. So I think that was also a big player down in New Orleans. Bye. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. Woodsy's our sports guy. L.O.B.'s our assistant producer and master of voices, also a comedian. And Sienna is our news girl. And Jay is our producer. Our phone screener is Chris. Jared at createyourdesignonline.com. If you haven't checked out his website yet, please do. You can get your business cards done, your website done. You can get anything graphic design done at that site. Createyourdesignonline.com. Check it out. Okay, so we got people on the line for buzzword. M1 Brandon from Escondido. Who do you want? Mikey. Okay, traditionally don't do well, but hang on. M1 Luis.

55:31From San Diego. Who would you like? All right. Not a bad choice. M1 Kelly from Chula Vista. Who do you want? She's on a roll. She's on a roll. She's been doing well with it. And M1 Kyle from La Jolla. Oh, fitting. Who would you like? Vienna, of course. There you go. All right. Again, Jay's going to give us the buzzword. Then he's going to give us a clue. And we have to yell out what the phrase is that matches the buzzword. Here we go. What's the word? Today's buzzword is over. O-V-E-R. Over. Got it. Boil too long. Overdone. Over the top. Overcooked. Sienna. What was it? It was overcook? Overcook, not overdone. One who performs way above the norm. Overachiever. Wow. Nice. Lauren. I hate when I'm the only one that yells. Jeans.

56:36With a bib. Overalls. Wow. Close one. That was good. Repeatedly. Over and over. Dental affliction. Overbite. Mikey. Wow. Wow, the mad Mexican. Everyone has one, but Woods has two. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Nicholson's Nurse Ratched movie. Over the cuckoo's nest. One flew over the cuckoo's nest. Pass the time to return library books. Overdue! You can't get fixated on one. I know. I never do it. So we have three remaining. What's the score? Everyone has one. Woods has four. These are nine pointers. So these are each two pointers. Yes! Above you.

57:47Overhead. Overboard. Lauren got it. Over you. Okay. Over you. I'm over you. Here we go. Not C. Over C. Oversight. A. Overboard. Not C. What was that? Overboard. Nope. Not C. Not C. S-E-E? Yes. S-E-E. Not C. Oversight. Glaze over. You all get. Overlook. Overlook. Oh. Wow. Okay. People are probably yelling it in their cars. How many more? I could start another card or I have one more. Do another card. Another card. Okay. Here, we're going to continue on. We've got one more on this one. Okay, okay. A fast and free-spirited way to fall in love. Head over heels! She got me. Lauren got it. Okay. Wait, is that a two-pointer still? Yes. What's the score? Lauren, five, woods, four. Really? Me and Sienna both have one point. Excuse me. We're doing great.

58:50So we're going to do three more questions. Whoa. And they'll each be two points. Okay. What's the word? The word is relax. Is it relax? No, it's not. He's about to get in a sprint race. The word is run. Oh, nice. Run. Are you in? Yeah. Have a fever. Run a fever! Say it again. Run a fever. There you go. Damn. Run a fever. Who runs a fever? That's said. I run a fever. Okay, here we go. You're running a fever. You're running a fever. Lead a business gathering. Run a meeting. Gosh darn. I hate when he thrusts. I hate when he thrusts. Last question. It said worth 89 points. This is worth 52 points. No, it's not. Ships do this. Run a buck. Where it is too shallow. I figured I had to try. Run aground! Run aground. Wow. Dang it! And he runs away with it. Good one. I ran away. Oh my gosh. Woods are modest. Good at that, Woods. He's biting his lower lip. Two for two this week. Holy cow. Sore winner. Woods had ten points. M1, Luis. Oh, that was awesome. Feast on that. The guy really drove it home for you. Hang on the line.

1:00:17I wish there was a way to study for it. Does it feel good to be a champion? It does. You guys were out partying and the kid was running routes, okay? You know that. You're a creep. You are. Man, I can't figure out how to do that game. My brain doesn't work that quickly. Now I've started to get things stuck in my head. That's what my problem is. You can't do it. You have to just... I head over the line and run amok. I head over the line. All I heard in my brain. I love it so much. Got an email for you. Tell me what you think of this. Mikey and crew, I'm loving the new crew and congratulations on your year anniversary. I really respect all of your opinions so I wanted to share this very difficult situation with you all. My son who lives with his mother was over this weekend and dropped what felt like a bomb on me. He told me that his new stepdad is now coaching his Little League team, and it was like a dagger in my heart. My ex-wife didn't even mention it to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he cares about my son, but dude, it hurt. She said she didn't ask me because I live 45 minutes away. Am I wrong for being mad, M1 Toady? You're never wrong for the way you feel. I believe you're never wrong for the way you feel.

1:01:43take on that is it's okay to feel whatever way you'd like what's wrong is to rub it all over somebody's face uh taking what you feel and then rubbing it all over somebody um but yeah you're allowed to be heard about it but there's nothing wrong i mean what is possibly wrong as a mom and a stepmom I can see where he's coming from because as a stepmom, I want to be treated like a mom, you know, and I want to be able to do motherly things like the stepdad's doing coaching a team. Yeah. But as a mom, you know, if someone else tried to do, you know, a motherly thing to my child, I'd be like, that's my job. That's my job. So, you know, I see where he'd be like, you know, why not? Why aren't I coaching this baseball team? Well, listen, he wasn't asked. Does that make sense? Yeah, he should have announced. Here's one that no one's going to like. There's one way that he could have controlled who was coaching the team. Don't say stay married. Maybe his wife cheated on him. Maybe his wife cheated on him. You don't know. You don't know. Yeah. That's it. That's true. Let's assume. Let's assume. Let's assume his wife cheated on him. And she cheated on him. Since we can't talk to him. If his wife cheated on him, I would say to this guy, man, dude.

1:03:09I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It's just another way that she stuck a dagger in you. Now, assuming that she didn't cheat on him and they got a divorce, you know, it's one of the consequences. I mean, was she supposed to run that by you? Yes. I think so. I think run it by. I think run it by. Giving him an opportunity. Opportunity to what? Coach. To coach. Oh, to give the real dad an opportunity to coach the team? Billy wants to play Little League. I wanted to let you know that he is going to the draft this weekend. They need a coach. And are you in? Oh, my gosh. You got to. I'm blown away by that. Are you? Yes. If her new husband or whatever, he's like. The guy that likes to coach Little League? Okay. But it's cool for him, but I kind of see it stepping on toes a little. Yeah, it's a rite of passage. Yeah, it is. A father teaching his kid how to play baseball is an American pastime. It's a tradition. You know what's not an American pastime? An American tradition as much as it used to be? Staying together. Well, I agree, but that's beside the point. But what we like to do is we like to take things and we want to have our cake and eat it too. Right.

1:04:33As his dad, he's like, OK, not assuming wasn't from adultery. They just got a divorce. He's like, well, I want my cake, which means I can get a divorce. I can go find some strange. And then when the old wife finds a new husband. I also get to dictate that too. It's all about me. I get whatever way I want. It's about the child, man. It's not even about him. I agree. It's about the child. If it's about the child, don't get a divorce. We don't know the details. I can't assume. I can't assume. What if she just wanted it for whatever reason she wanted it and he couldn't stop her? Right, that happens. That does happen. And, you know, in his defense, I think, you know, there are things with your child that need to be run by the dad. You know, if you were split for Rebecca, you would want her to be running stuff about your boys by you. You know what I wanted to run by me? And give you the opportunity. Here's what I wanted to run by me. Hey, I'm thinking of sending the boys to Australia. I want the heads up.

1:05:40Well, you've got to write, these are the rules there. So there's certain things that are good, certain things that are. Sure, let's take the rules. I have one for you. Here's an example. If Rebecca was remarried and had, you know, the boys had a stepfather and the stepfather maybe had the birds and bees talk with him. Yeah. And you found that out later. Yeah. How would you feel? You'd lose your mind. I'm not. That's a dad's job. That's a dad's job. Hang on. What scenario are we talking? Let's say we're divorced. Why are we divorced? Because someone cheated. Okay, let's say I cheated. Okay. Too bad. Too bad for me. If you cheated and you have forfeited some things and you're out of the home because you've done some things. If you've gotten a divorce, you have forfeited. If you've gotten a divorce, you know what else you've forfeited? If you get a divorce, you forfeit the right to continue to have intercourse with your wife.

1:06:34You're divorced. Sure. But the right to your kids. No, no, no. I want to still be able to have intercourse with her. But you still have your kids, man. You're still going to be a good dad. I get it. There's a lot of divorced dads that are great fathers. Dude, and I think that there are some things that you're going to have to know about and that you have some input on. But see, dude, that's the difference in you and I. You don't care about Little League. I would, I, if I was him. would go through the effing roof. Okay, what about a haircut? No. I don't have to run a haircut by you? No. If you were going to give him a mohawk or shave his head, I'd be like, hey, why'd you shave his head if you didn't tell me? Because that's a shaping thing in this kid's life. And it'll grow back. Literally. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hang on. I agree with that. I think that Little League is a totally shaping thing in a kid's life. But what I am having a hard time with is like... I should give my ex the opportunity to coach the team. Sure. That's his son. It would be my bit if Jamie and I were split and we had a little boy and her new husband, Bill, was going to coach his team. I would flip out. I coach Little League and I don't even have any kids. I would go through the roof. I would go through the roof. They'd have to hold me back. Even a haircut, I'm thinking about that. I would never go take Jenna to get a haircut because I would think.

1:07:52Her mom would be like, don't be taking her to go get a haircut. Unless it's a trim or something, but if you're going to change the way somebody looks. I wouldn't even do that. No, yeah, I wouldn't even do that. Listen. It's a respect. Yeah. I think. No disrespect to Jenna's real mom. You're her mom. Well, I am. Sorry. I am. You are. I know. You are. But I also wanted. She has a mom. She's her stepmom. She's her stepmom. She's her mom. When her mother's not there, yes, she takes that role. But step-parents? But still, I mean, and as a mom of Sage, I would, you know, I know how Jenna's mom feels. And I wouldn't want to do anything that kind of goes over the line. Because I do. I respect her. There have been opportunities in my life in the last six years to cheat on Rebecca, my wife. There have been opportunities that I could have taken if I wanted to. One of the things that runs through my mind, I don't want some scumbag. And I just say scumbag. She wouldn't be. In my mind, he's going to be a scumbag. Obviously. She'd probably marry some sharp guy who probably has his stuff together. I don't want some other dude being a dad to my kids. I don't want it. I don't want it. But you're assuming that this guy cheated then.

1:09:22I'm only talking from that perspective. Now, let's say Rebecca cheats on me. Right. Okay. And the new guy decides that he is going to take them on like this crazy outing where they don't eat for three days and they go through this crazy hike, which I would be out on. Yeah. And let's say it was Rebecca's fault that we got divorced because she cheated. In my mind. It's another blow. It's just another blow. It's another way of getting jacked. Yeah. But either way, I've been hijacked. Yeah, you couldn't control the situation. I couldn't control it. It wasn't your fault, and you're getting hurt by it. And the truth of the matter is, I can't really control that either. I mean, I can say, I don't want him going on that damn thing. I don't want him going on any hike for three days not eating. What is that? That's crazy, blah, blah, blah. I can say that all I want, but the truth is, I still don't have control over it.

1:10:24I can feel however I want to feel. She's, bottom line, she's got a new. But she should be listening to you as well as their father. We're talking about a woman. that should have been doing a lot of things but decided to cheat. It's just not fair to the dad because in a lot of situations in the state of California, no matter what, even if the woman was the cheater, usually primary custody gets granted to the mother. For sure. For sure. And then you're toast. And this guy wants to be a good dad, including coaching his Little League team, and it's not fair. And he has every right to be upset and say something. Absolutely. Absolutely. I think it's okay to tell people the way you feel. And I don't think that it's wrong or would be wrong. For a dude to say, hey, listen, this really bums me out. I would have liked to have had the heads up on it. He can say that. The opportunity. The chance, even. The bottom line is, if they're divorced, it's just... I've seen so many cases of people getting divorced and it wasn't because of cheating. And people just want what they want. Sure. And I've had guys call me that are friends. And I'll be like, dude, so I want to talk to you about this. And how I should feel about it.

1:11:33And my thing back to him is, dude, it stinks, man. It sucks. I mean, so what should I do? I think you got to deal with it. Yeah, you can't get on somebody's side. You know, and tell them the way that they should feel. Nobody should be calling you asking me, hey man, how should I feel? No, no, no. It's always, what should I do? What should I do? What should I do? You're going to feel the way that you feel and then you got to just, you got to handle your business. I mean, if you get divorced, there's a lot of stuff. I got guys I play ball with that have a couple kids that are divorced. They got crazy situations. You just got to deal with it. You know, you got to deal with it. And that's a bummer for that guy. I thought he has a right to speak up as well. Oh yeah. Sure. Definitely. Sure. As the dad. Let's see. M1 Scott from North County. Mike, I feel you're kind of making it about the divorce and what you lose and what happens in a divorce. The thing is, it's different than being a husband. So what happened in the divorce is completely irrelevant decisions that impact the child. And the thing is, this is important to him. Coaching is important to him. Something else might not be important to him, and she can make the decision and it won't faze him. But Scott, if that were true, if what you were saying was true,

1:12:53That would mean that getting a divorce doesn't have an impact on the kids. No, it does. But there's a such thing as a family that is together with parents that are still together. And then there's also the reality of a divorced family. And that doesn't mean that major decisions or important decisions to either of the individual get thrown out because they happen to exist in that split family. Yeah. The thing is, the respect factor. still has to remain when it comes to being a parent, not a husband. I agree. Hey, for the record, bro, I agree with you. I mean, you don't got a disagreement from me on that one. He has the right to feel that way, but she did nothing wrong. She did something wrong. And the thing is, let me ask you this, Mikey. What's something, if you were in a split family, what's something that is so important to you that unequivocally there is not a chance?

1:13:50that your ex-wife could make that decision without consulting you on. Name anything, and someone could find an argument to say, ah, that's not that important. Why are you upset, Mikey? Point is... No, no, no, no, no. No, no. See, I think you're missing the point. Let's say that I get a divorce, or let's say that I cheat on my wife, we get a divorce over it. It's really irrelevant. It does, okay. And I totally understand. I totally hear and understand where you're coming from. But let's say... Let's say that we get a divorce. I get a divorce from my wife. And let me ask you, Scott, what do you think? I'm just asking your opinion. Are you a longtime listener of the show? Off and on, yeah. I listened to you back in the day, and now I'm listening to you guys again. What do you think is the most important thing in my life in terms of me and who I am as a person? What's the biggest thing about me? Okay, now, let's say I get a divorce, and my wife says, hey, listen, I met this new dude, and he's Islamic. We're converting the kids to Islam.

1:14:52Okay? Now, let's say that's the case, right? Okay. For me, you've got to figure that would probably impact me a little bit. Big time. Okay. I would imagine. It would probably impact me a lot, yeah. My answer to you is, depending on whether or not we got a divorce, and again, this is my opinion. We all got different opinions on it. I understand your opinion. If we got a divorce because things just didn't work out, guess what? those kids are going to be Islamic. No way. They don't have to be. Excuse me. They don't have to be. In my opinion, you know how I keep my kids from being Islamic? Stay married to their mother. I stay married to their mother. Yeah, but that's not always just your choice. It's not always your choice. And even if you are divorced, you still have a right to say what your kids do. Oh, yeah. I will say to her, you know, that is devastating to me. And I really wish that you wouldn't do that.

1:15:52You don't think you'd be like, that ain't happening. How do I keep it from happening? Figure it out. Sue her. Sue her. I'm their father, and I have a say in this, and you are not changing what we have raised. My experience has been that when it comes to exes, that kind of stuff doesn't really fly. I've seen it a lot. But when there's kids, it's more amicable. It should be. It should be. That makes them wrong. The point is, yes. You're going to have to deal with that. And in split marriages, that stuff goes down, and it sucks. But that doesn't mean that it's not wrong. It would be incredibly inappropriate if you put your foot down when it came to— Now, let me ask you, in that same scenario, if he wanted to open the child's eyes in the world of Islam, great. But what if that stepfather absolutely prohibited the child from going to your church? Yeah, again. Again. That means dad's out. Dad's out of the picture. Dad's going to the games buying hot dogs and watching from the staff. Well, now we're talking. If the guy says, if the new husband says you're not allowed to see.

1:17:19Your old dad, I don't think you can do that. No. That's illegal. To you, you're saying that's where you draw the line. No, no, no, no, no. I'm saying that's where the state of California draws the line. The state of California won't allow that. Even though people get a divorce. I mean, and Todd has a child with his ex-wife. She'll make decisions that Todd doesn't like, but Todd has a right to tell her, and she won't continue to do that because Todd said that. And vice versa. Todd won't continue if it makes her unhappy because you still have to work together for the child, even if your marriage didn't work. Sometimes that happens, and it's really fortunate when it does. It's rad. I mean, he can say to you, we're not going to do that, and they don't. But I'm telling you. I got one in my head right now where the guy said to his wife, you have to quit doing that. And she's like, who are you to tell me? But that's one situation. I know you, Mike, you wouldn't go down without a fight. I mean, what does that mean? You're not going to say, well, since I screwed up, I'm just not going to be part of my kids. I'm not going to have any say in my kids' lives anymore. I'll make it the most crazy scenario I can make it. If I cheated on Rebecca.

1:18:36And she goes on off the deep end. She's like becomes weird. Right. She calls me up. She goes, sorry, guy I met is satanic. Kids are going to be satanic. You'd be OK. No, I wouldn't be OK with it. I would say, are you nuts? What are you talking about? My kids. You can't have Mike. And she goes, sorry. But you would put up a fight because I feel like if you did put up a fight, it would make you a bad dad to just say. Well, of course. I would say what I felt about it. And I'd say, everybody listening, you got the right to tell people how you feel. Right. What I can't do is go over there with an Uzi. No. I can't. I can't. If I go to a lawyer and I go, hey, listen, man, we're going to sue here. We got a case? That's extreme, but they're two adults. They should be able to talk. Hey, this hurt my feelings. It hurts my feelings. I'd rather my child not be satanic. I really don't want that. I'd rather coach the team myself. Even though you guys are no longer married, big decisions are made together by the two parents. Should be. Bottom line. And if they're not, then you talk to your ex and you say, look, this needs to be the case or we're going to have big problems. There are a lot of unruly.

1:19:51A lot of times that's the reason that they're an ex. Totally. I would be at every single practice. I'd go out there and hang out and be involved as possible. You can do that. Yeah. That's absolutely an option for that guy. Hey, I've got dads that come and hang out and watch our practices, you know, and I don't even have any kids. Hey, man. And I've seen it, too. I mean, I've seen situations where people are divorced and it's amicable. Yeah. Decisions are made. One defers to the other. Blah, blah, blah. I've also seen complete collapses. Oh, yeah, for sure. Just complete collapses. The worst stuff you can imagine they do to each other. And I think it's up to both people involved to try to put forth the effort so that it is as amicable as possible and it's not a big disaster. There's only so much you can, I mean, you can't control the other person. But what you can do. You know, how you knew them in the first place to try to communicate with them. Yeah. And I do say, you try. You try. Fight for what you think is right and fight for what you think should happen and all that stuff. Let's see. So anyway, 570-1949. Phone line's blowing up. Tell us what you think. 570-1949. Also, will there or won't there be a movie version of 24?

1:21:11The definitive answer from Keith or Southern. Next. Eight o'clock. 20 minutes from now. We'll be asking you in a lighthearted way. How are you a monster? You do this. You know, you probably shouldn't, but you do it anyway. So. Will there or won't there be a version of 24 on the big screen? First, people calling about this email that we got. This guy says, my son lives with his mom, was over there this weekend, dropped what I felt like a bomb on me. My son told me that his new stepdad is now coaching his little league team. It was like a dagger to my heart. My ex-wife didn't even mention it to me. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad he cares about my son, but dude, it hurt.

1:22:25She said she didn't ask because I live 45 minutes away. Am I wrong for being mad, M1 Toady? No, you're not wrong for being mad. You can feel however you want. It's okay. I guess what would be wrong is if you imposed that on her. I mean, I think you could tell her how you feel. Telling people how you feel, I think, is okay. M1 Nikki from San Diego. Hi. Hi. So I was thinking. I don't know how involved he is with his child, but if he were involved, she would have had to ask him because he would have known that they needed a Little League coach. Well, that's an assumption. Yeah, but the kid lives with the mom, too, and so it's hard for the dad to know everything. I understand that. My son's in Little League, and I see a lot of divorced parents where they don't live together, but the fathers are involved.

1:23:20And they're there. But maybe it's his first year going out for the team or maybe the stepdad's friends with people who coach. Who knows? Maybe so. I just think that there might be a little bit more to the story. And if parents are involved, whether he's 45 minutes away, whether it's the child's first time playing Little League, even more reason for the biological father to be involved. Yeah. And he wants. He wants to be, I think. I think that's his point is that he would like to be more involved and she's maybe taken some of that power away from him a little bit. I mean, and you've, hey, we've all seen that happen as well. You know, the dad gets pushed to the side or in very few cases, the mom gets pushed to the side and dad and his new wife make all the decisions. M1, Keith from Santee. Hey, what's up, Phil? How you doing? All right. Hey, just real quick. You know, in my situation, I actually got the boot from my relationship. She, after nine years, told me she wanted out. And, you know, when Amber, my daughter, wanted to play softball, I couldn't coach because, you know, being a coach requires so much of your time that I have to work. Like, I require a lot of overtime. And her new boyfriend actually is a AAA ball player. Oh, wow. And he stepped in, and now he's the coach. So at that point, you know.

1:24:39It just comes down to your kid, and you just kind of just let them go with it. Because at the end of the day, if your kid's happy and she's learning the best she can do from another person who knows better than you, it's all that matters. I mean, it's not, I feel bad for that dad, but, you know, it's better for the kid in a lot of instances. And it's not always about, well, I cheated, so I lose my privileges. You know, in my case, that's not, I got double stabbed because not only do I not get to coach, but, you know. I'm not in that relationship. Hey, man, that's a perfect example of with your ex-wife is all about her. It's all about her. Everything is I want what I want. I want what I want. I want what I want. I want the AAA ball player. I'm leaving my husband. I want this guy to coach. He's going to coach. Exactly. There are a lot of people in the world that it's all about selfishness. It's all about I want what I want. I want what I want. I want what I want. That's what it comes down to. And it can't be about I want what I want, I want what I want all the time. And at least you know that, you know, the stepdad is someone that cares for your daughter, which is good because that takes a lot of time coaching league. And you have to have a lot of love, especially with kids, to do that. So, I mean, at least.

1:25:56He cares, you know. And she must care about her stepdad. So that's good. And he can be the bigger guy. You know, this guy in the email can be the bigger man. And like Jay said, go to practice. Be involved. I mean, they're not going to boot you out of practice for watching your kid practice. Tell him what he did good. Tell him what he didn't do good. You know, going to the games, being involved. Yeah. Kiefer Sutherland was on live with Regis and Kelly and was definitive. Will there be a 24 movie? Eight tremendous great seasons. Huh? On 24th. Yeah, it's so funny. People come up to me and they say that they missed the show. And I still can't really feel like, I still don't feel like we finished. It's such a presence still in my life. Will there be a movie? There will, yeah. Oh, great. That's fantastic. We're going to hopefully start next January. And I think Tony Scott is one of the directors that has expressed great interest in doing it. He'd be great for Jack. Yeah, he'd be fantastic. And so very excited about that. Will it be? Do you think it'll be a 24-hour movie? Yes. I believe that the movie will actually start at, you go to the 8 o'clock screening, and then the next night at 8 o'clock, you know, you get out of there. I'm kidding, but I'm just saying, isn't that the point? Wasn't every episode an hour representing an hour? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe they'll do 24 of them, kind of like Twilight. Beat it up. We'll do that, you know what I mean? Brutal. The movie will move really fast. A few hours will be missing.

1:27:23Stupid. What happened between lunch and dinner? I never saw one episode of 24. Never once. He's going to have a new TV show, too, Kiefer Sutherland. He is? And it's about a man who discovers that his autistic son can predict the future. Ooh, I like it. It's called Touch, and that's the new series premiere he's going to be on. It's on Fox. Yeah, how about that? It's going to be on Fox. Let him have that, because Seinfeld is still very much a part of a lot of people's lives, and that's been off the air for... How long? 10 years. Yeah. Are you guys ready for Jay, the old man that does science? You know it. I haven't heard this opening theme song. Jay made the opening theme song. Yeah. I haven't heard it. Grace yourself. Oh, boy. Jay's the old man who does science. Oh, wow. He's the old man with technology. Oh, wow. The old man who does science. The old man with technology. Oh, wow. Sweet. He blinded me with science. But he failed in biology. Science! It's unbelievable. It's un... Good, isn't it? It's unbelievable. I told you! It just made my day. That made my year. Yeah, it was phenomenal. Science! Science! Every time. I've isolated you. Science! I love that you got 11-year-olds to play the tuba and keyboard for this.

1:29:06And Jasper and his friends. I gave me some nickel. I'm sorry. I know. I love it. He's got some new confidence in his singing. He's the old man who does science. He's the old man with technology. The old man who does science. The old man with technology. I love it. He blinded me with science. But he failed in biology. That's it. Amazing. Oh, I love it. I could listen all day to that. I love the tuba. The tuba. I mean, I feel like it's just a chubby little kid just working so hard in Jay's backyard. Yeah. The bullet alley. There you go. Oh, my God. All right. So, Jay, what are you doing?

1:30:02Okay, so first I'm going to show you the experiment, and then I'm going to show you how I did it, okay? Okay. So it's called Genie in a Bottle. We should open that door. Oh, boy. Oh, wow. All right, first let me tell you that Jay is wearing protective goggles again, rubber gloves, latex gloves, and his... Lab overcoat. His white lab overcoat. And I'm going to move away after I open the bottle. He's got a bottle. Looks like a wine bottle with a cork in it. But the wine bottle is completely black. And what are you going to do, Jay? It's called Genie in a Bottle. And I'm going to release the genie. He's taking the cork off of the bottle. Black wine bottle. Cork is off. And I immediately... Oh, wow. Oh, look at that. Oh, wow, wow, wow. There's stuff spewing out. There's stuff spewing out. It was like gas. And look at the ceiling. Look at the ceiling. Look at the ceiling. Oh, my gosh. It's eating the pain. Oh, you are dead. Is it eating the pain off the ceiling? Just a little bit. It looks fine. That's why I wear safety glasses. It blew. First, you saw this smoke slash steam coming out. And then all of this, all of this stuff started to.

1:31:18just explode out of the the bottle and it it went on to the roof of the ceiling and Chris you're gonna need to clean that um yeah Chris you're gonna have to clean the ceiling off looks like some looks like some black brains got blown all over the roof it's real simple it's like dirt hair it is uh it's hydrogen peroxide yeah but it's the stronger kind it's 30 percent Hydrogen peroxide. Right. So it's the kind of stuff that would take your skin off. So, Chris, you really can't clean it up. I'll have to clean it up. Oh, my gosh. So I'm going to pour just a little bit less this time. So basically, you put that in, and then you get this other stuff. It's called magnesium oxide. Yeah. And basically, I had a string hold it up like this, and the cork kind of held the bottle like this. Okay. It was just in there like that. Yeah. So when I pull the cork, it drops in. And it starts the bubble. Oh, wow. And then, oh, it's spewing again. It's spewing again. And that's the way it works. That's incredible. Genie in a bottle. Messy genie in a bottle. Yay! Holy cow. Oh, my gosh. It smells so bad. He scares me so bad when he does his experiments. Oh, my gosh. Do we have a fire experiment? Yeah, try it there. Yeah, Woods just had it in his hand.

1:32:43Listen, when you listen to Jay, the old man that does science, I just want you to know that every time we do it, I'm terrified. He's the old man who does science. He's the old man with technology. The old man who does science. The old man with technology. He blinded me with science, but he failed in biology. See you. See you. And that's a wrap. Yeah, that'll do it. It stinks in here. Oh, it smells. You know what it smells like? It smells like what a kid smells like when they get out of the pool. With burnt hair all around them. Like sweaty. Yeah, it smells sweaty. It smells like chlorine and burnt hair. Chlorine and burnt hair. Ew, it does. It smells like a bird hair tortilla soup. Ew! With a turd in it. Mm-hmm. I thought you said bird hair. He did.

1:33:45Burnt, he said. Oh, I thought you said bird hair, too. I said bird. Oh, birds don't even have hair. That's what I meant. You have bird feathers? Oh, wow. That was scary. He's cleaning off the ceiling. Well, I got rubber gloves on, so better do now. You don't want Bill to see that. Hey, who the hell was messing around in here? I'll kill you. I'll kill you with my pocket knife. I hope he's not listening. I know. Oh, boy. It went through the little holes in the ceiling. That's why Jay was so adamant on doing it early. Oh, that was so insane. I forgot to play this for you the other day. This was from The Tonight Show. Red. Red is headlining Alina's night. They sound pretty good live. I had buddies who went to that show. You did? They say it was good? Yeah. Incredible. Yeah.

1:35:26Oh, that's a great song. It's a jam. Let's see. My skin's a jam. Yeah. Has this got you all freaked out? Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Yeah. So Rahm Emanuel was finally allowed to be put on the ballot for mayor of Chicago. Now, remember, he left his job as White House chief of staff to run for it. And then because he wasn't a full-time resident, they ruled that he couldn't run for mayor. Well, then they reversed that. He found a loophole and he ran for mayor. And last night, Chicago elected a new mayor. Was that person's name Rahm Emanuel or not? We'll find out next. What would I owe you? Like a dollar. Every time? You'd be a hundredaire by now. A hundredaire? At least a hundredaire. I wonder if I'll ever figure that out. No. I don't think so either. I'd probably do it all the time too. A hundred. I'd play the same song all day. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, a new study out right now. They did cell phone exposures, studying what they did to your brain. And after just 50 minutes of holding a cell phone up to your ear, there's radiation emitted. And they're saying that it's the first study right now to specifically look at how electromagnetic radiation from the cell phones affects glucose metabolism.

1:37:23It definitely affects your brain cells and the activities. They're saying, first of all, the effects of the brain activity are not known yet. However, they do know that if you already have some kind of brain damage and it's stimulated with these electromagnetic exposure from the phone, it can trigger something dangerous. But either way, they did studies of people with a phone off next to the ear, people with a phone on for that long, and your brain was like highly active and moving because of the waves from the cell phone. Yeah, just, you know. Maybe get a Bluetooth. Keep it sharp. No, it's the same thing. The energy from the phone does something to your brain. Yeah, it keeps you sharp. What if you have the type of Bluetooth that ain't plugged in your head? The kind that's on your visor. I have that. I think it's still your cell phone. I think those waves travel quite a ways. LAB's got me all freaked out about microwaves. Oh, we're all toast. Superstitious. Superstitious? Yeah, you made me superstitious. Now I go around a microwave and I'm like, ugh! And I feel like... Even if there's nothing happening, L.O.B. has put the suggestion in my head. Stand back. So I'm freaked out. I get right up in there. Don't do that. I stare at my food while it's turning. She's got me holding my breath when I open it up now. I'm like. Just while it's on, just stay at least six feet away from it. Why? Just because. Well, it's not going to hurt. When I was pregnant, all the books said don't go to your microwaves.

1:38:46Micro waves. We look pregnant, but we're not pregnant. Another thing going on in California, this state is now allowing insurance companies to base their rates on the mileage that you drive. Now, this could be good or it could be bad. We were just talking about that off the air. Yeah. I think you all heard it. But basically, if you drive like a mile to work or something like that, say you're a teacher and you have a bunch of paperwork and you just drive. a short distance, your insurance could drastically go down because your mileage is so low. Yeah, but if you commute, it could go up. It could go up. It could, but then they're trying to get people to carpool and stuff like that. But State Farm is jumping on this. It's called the Drive Safe and Save program. Other insurance companies are going to be joining as well. And how they keep track of your mileage is right now through the OnStar program. And you may be thinking, like LOB said, they've always asked me about my mileage before. Apparently, This is just much more detailed on how they keep track. And also really quick, 10% of Americans get enough vitamin D. So that means that 90% of Americans do not get enough vitamin D. So we need to spend more time outside in the sun. 5% live in San Diego. The other 5% live in Florida. And you need vitamin D because it reduces the risk of breast and colon cancers, multiple sclerosis, type 1 diabetes. Cuts all that in half. Really? Yeah. Plus it just gives you energy. Let's take pills. Not the same.

1:40:11It's not absorbed the same way. Maybe. Call it side. I drink wheatgrass. That's a fake bit. Every day with that. It's only like $800 a day. How much a month do you think you spend on wheatgrass? What is it? Chris, how much does it cost? $4. Chris. $4 a time. Hey, Chris, how much does that wheatgrass I get every day? How much does that cost? $3? $3 times 5. He gets on the weekends, too. I don't get on the weekends. $60 a month. $60 a month. Oh my gosh. On a fake bit. Which is $720 a year. Oh my gosh, your calculator. You can get them frozen. Wow, that was really quick. You can get them frozen from places for cheaper. Pop on open every morning. He won't do that. For real? Mm-hmm. What? Who does that? I know one place Jimbo's has them. Frozen? Mm-hmm. It's like an ice cube tray almost. I wonder how many ounces are in each one. I think there are only one ounce ones, but I could be way wrong. We all know that. And it's not that expensive to do it? It's cheaper. I'll do it. You should do it. Send Rebecca over to Jimbo's. It's a fake bit, though. Why are you spending $720 a year on it? Because you suggested to me that it would work, and I believe you. I don't know why. I mean, somebody says something to me, I believe it. I don't even do it because I'm cheap. Yeah, I did it for a month, and I didn't notice any difference.

1:41:33I don't get sick that often. Or you could get a juicer and get the grass yourself and just take a machete to it. As long as I don't clean it, I'm fine with that. Woods, what's going on in sports? Does anybody else have baseball fever? Because I've got it like a madman. Yeah. And I am really, really excited about the Padres this year. They've made some really good additions. A couple of the guys they signed had rough years last year, and they're looking to bounce back. So Jed Hoyer was asked, hey, what does that do for you guys when you sign somebody that you need a bounce back year from? A lot of it. I think guys get off to a bad start sometimes in a season. Things go wrong. And when that happens, sometimes it's tough to bounce back. And so all the guys that are looking for a bounce back season, they've all had very good seasons. They know what to do. A lot of them worked really hard this winter to avoid that. And I like the fact that some of these guys have a bad taste in their mouth from last year. It sort of keeps them working hard and kind of refocuses them a lot. I like that. I like that. They've got a bad taste in their mouth. They're on a good new team in a great city. I can't wait. I cannot wait for opening day. And then also, this just came in, breaking news, that the St. Louis Cardinals Cy Young runner-up last year, Adam Wainwright, won 20 games, has injured his throwing elbow. It does not look good for him. Elbow injuries, toast. So what a blow. It was their opening day starter, more than likely. More than likely. More than likely. So that's a bummer for him. Good for the Padres. So Rahm Emanuel was...

1:42:59Elected mayor last night of Chicago. Thank you, Chicago, for this humbling victory. All I can say, you sure know how to make a guy feel at home. How's his line? He got 55% of the votes. Wow. That's a lot of votes. Good job, Rom. I'll stop this when it's going. It's the hardworking. Stop. Plain speaking folks who share a love for their city. and a determination to keep it strong and to make it a place their children one day can call home. Sounds like Michael J. Fox. I share that love. Yeah, a little bit. That is a little bit. And I am determined, with your help, to meet our challenges head on and to make a great city even greater. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can you tell them? Biff, why don't you relax? This one's to you. Yeah, guy.

1:44:03Yeah. Babe, did you hear me? I just yelled, yeah. Everybody heard you. Idiot. You're an idiot. I got on, though. It doesn't matter. You're a clown. It was just me going, yeah. Did you tape it? No, I didn't tape it. I told you to tape it, man. You're an idiot. I want a divorce. Excuse me. Are you the yeah guy? Yeah. I'm the woo girl. Babe, I got to go. The woo girl. I'm the woo girl. You're a woo girl? Woo! That's my bit. I freaking love you, man. I love your work. I saw you at Obama's speech in Lincoln Park. Oh, the one at Lincoln Park. I didn't make it to that one. Hey, you guys, I'm the get-in-the-hole guy at the golf tournament. Get in the hole! I would know that voice. You'd know it anyway. Hey, guys, I'm Loud Whistle Guy. Hey, Loud Whistle Guy. Hey, who's the girl with the big jugs? I'm just here for the food. That's Flasher Girl. That's Flasher Girl. Show us what you do. Don't you always? Oh, yeah. There's always one drunk girl at every show. All right. All right, fine. So why are you a monster? I'm a monster because I might use a utensil and stir coffee with it and stick it in the sink.

1:45:26And then get another cup of coffee. And instead of cleaning that one off, just go get another spoon and stir it. And then get another cup of coffee. And instead of cleaning the first two, get a third one until there's like eight spoons that I'm not going to clean in the sink. You are, in fact, a monster. I'm actually okay with that. Yes! Very wasteful. It's not, though. Mike doesn't do the dishes. It's using the same amount of water, and if you've got plenty of silverware, then have at it. Why not just rinse it? Yeah. Same amount of water. Probably even more than the dishwasher. Thank you. No. Not if you just use one spoon, set it on a napkin on the counter, and continue to use it. Then you only need to wash one spoon. If it only does the wipe. Let's hear what yours is, Sienna. I... to go to crowded places, you know, like this last weekend. It was President's Day weekend and I may have brought my baby with me in the baby Bjorn. So that you. So that I could get to the front of lines. Monster. So that people would get out of my way. Monster. And so that I would be helped quicker. And I enjoyed it. Even if she cried. I used my baby. I'm doing it. Works. Woods.

1:46:50I might drag our trash can in our bathroom that is metal and is heavy. And I might drag it in front of the toilet when I do my business and look at my laptop on it. And I might leave it there at all times. And I might hear this at 3 o'clock in the morning. As my wife trips over it every time. I hear that at about 3 o'clock every single morning. You're a monster. You're a monster. You're a monster. Every time. Why not push it back? I know. And then I hear, deer! And I'm like, sorry! Wow. Wow. You're a monster. Every time. 570-1949. Tell us, you know, keep it lighthearted, but tell us. You know it's wrong, but you just, you do it. L-O-B. Everyone's going to freak out. Especially you guys. Especially you guys. No. Okay. Well, my phone is busted. And half the time it wants to work. Half the time it shuts itself off. Half the time it actually makes a noise when the sound is on. And half the time it just doesn't. I may get a phone call from people.

1:48:08And I may call them back or text them eventually and say, I don't know what's wrong with my phone. Oh, yeah. Monster. Freaking surprise. Because it's a little white lie. It's a stretch of the truth because a lot of the times it doesn't work. But a lot of the times it does. But sometimes I'm in the middle of something. You mean breathing? No! I don't like to answer the phone ever if I'm at the store. I don't like to do it if I'm in the middle of cleaning dishes. If I'm in the middle of something, I don't like to answer the phone. You mean the middle of something like the middle of, I don't know, Monday through Sunday. Woods. Right. When you call Lauren, I don't either. Never anymore. I always pick up for you. I never call her anymore. I always pick up for him because he shames me. He'll leave messages and be like, really? You're just sitting there screaming phone calls real good. That's just your teammate. He's trying to be dynamic. He knows. So every time I see Woods' name, no matter what I'm doing, I'll pick up. I'll even say, hey, I'm in the store. Can I call you back? Something like that. Because I'm like, he knows. If I call, it's always, know this. If I call, it's lighthearted. Mike, you don't call anymore. I know. I don't call anymore. As a matter of fact, I've called you quite a few times and gotten the old VM. Yep. Straight to VM.

1:49:30A couple running and then a decline. It's a decline. It's what it is. It's a decline. Very rarely. Or a decline. Very rarely. Out of- 80% of the time. Out of 10 times. 10 times. Out of- No. Nine and a half. I can picture him in it, you know, driving going- You didn't answer yesterday when I called it. I did. You called me back. Nine and a half. Sometimes you pick up by accident and then hang up real quick. I thought I picked up. Don't you remember listening to my voicemail? Oh, that's right. Yeah. You know how I knew? How? Because I had to turn my phone on. Like, I had to see. It took you hours. It's weird. Just put your phone on vibrate like the rest of us. It's weird, though, because usually when I call somebody and their phone's off, I know that it's off because it goes right to voicemail. Straight to voicemail. Well, it's the ringer's off. Look. Convenient. My phone is always on red. You see that red? Yes. It means the ringer's off. It vibrates. And it doesn't vibrate off. There's a vibrator on there. It does never. No, call it.

1:50:28It doesn't vibrate. It can. All you got to do is set it. I don't want it to vibrate. But you should. I don't want it to vibrate. Oh, maybe it just lights up. Yeah, I don't want it to vibrate. But during our meetings, it's always like... Because I turn it on when the show's over. There it goes. I'm calling you. Oh, I thought you said it was always on red. See? Oh, there's a picture of me on your phone. Yeah. See? But there's no vibrate. This is what happens. But that's because we're on the air. I have no idea. As soon as we're off the air, I turn my phone on until I leave. You're a monster, too. You're a monster, too. Just say it's okay. You're a double monster. I admit I'm a monster. You ever hate your teammates? I love you. Okay, I just want to say 50% of the time when that happens, I'm choosing because I'm in the middle of something. I just can't talk right now. It's rude to the person that I'm with or the place that I am. That's fine. You're allowed to not answer your question. But my excuse always is, I don't know. That's the monster part. No, I say it in a way that it's not a lie. Two people on the Mikey Show answer their phone. Woods and Jay. Every time. If I call Woods and Jay, usually, unless Woods is doing this thing where he's like, I'm going to show him what it feels like. Which I don't. I don't do that. I get your voice now. Yeah. No, never. Never. I'm coaching or I answer. And you know what about me? Sometimes we all have stuff to do. I'm an immediate thing. Wait. I'm saving someone. I immediately text back too. And I mean.

1:51:52Within five seconds, you'll get a text back from me. He's very antsy if you don't text him back right away. I flip out when I text this clown over here, Mikey. I know. For two hours, I'm like, what's up, dude? No patience. I like that sometimes I walk in the door, my phone is tucked into my purse, I put my things down, and I step away from what I was doing, and I just go do things about my house, and I don't pay attention to my phone. I know he's not doing things around his house. I know he's watching Andrew Zimmern, and I know he sees the phone rings, and he goes, eh-eh. Now, wait a minute. To my defense, that is my time to be with Andrew Zimmerman. Well, fair enough. I can be with my wife or my dogs and still I can answer and have courteous. To Woods' defense, you wanted to get custom pockets put into your nightgown so you could keep your phone on you at all times. That's true. Would have been the second time you had it tailored. Do you know what this is? Do you know what this really is for me? It's your lifeline. Look at all my texts and one back from him. Look at that. That's repugnant. It is not repugnant. That's the right word there. It makes me sick. That's unfair. That's an unfair categorization of your friend Mike. Look at that. Unbelievable. Let me tell you something. This is not, for me, this is not a telephone. This is an email maker.

1:53:16Okay? And a Facebook machine. Deal with it. It does two things. Email and Facebook. Deal with it. Everybody has it. You just deal with it. It's just life, man. May I read some of the really important texts that Woods sends me? Please don't. No. Okay, because he gets upset at me. Just write back. You just write back. It's not that hard. Love letters? This is one of the texts that he sent me. Ever just watch Lifetime all day? It was about my wife. Watched four Lifetime movies today. My wife. Amanda Knox. And I wrote back, whoa, chicks ever watch chick stuff? How many hours later? You guys are dorks. You guys ever just state the obvious back and forth? Just pick up the phone, okay? Text back. Just have some common... Why don't you relax and put your phone down? Have some common courtesy. If I need you, I need you.

1:54:21I said, on February 14th, Valentine's Day. You guys shouldn't have been texting each other on Valentine's Day. Yeah, how about you hang out with your wives? I said, CB's going to fill in for you tomorrow on short notice. And he wrote back, cool, man. You home? I'm going to drop off a music disc for you to play on the air tomorrow. I emailed you the track listing, Feast. All right, that's good. That's work-related. Work-related. Important. You're the boss. I'm going to keep the boss happy. Just trying to do my job. Sorry, I give an S. How about this one to me? How about this one to me? Because I didn't text him back immediately. He texts me the word feast. I don't respond. He texts back fag. I don't respond. I did not say that. He texts back pepper belly. You know that's not why I said that. I didn't respond. I hate you. You're lying. He texts him back. He texts him back.

1:55:23Oh, wow. Can I ask you, Mike? Yeah. You know why I said that. Did you pick up your phone, see the text, and go, hmm, and put the phone down? Yes. He always makes me laugh. Like, I wish you could see my laughing, because I do laugh. Like, he gets me. It's funny. So write me back. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That's all I need. Don't write LOL, the smiley face. No, don't write cool. How did you skate out of this, Sienna? You never pick up your phone. Never. I told you, I'm a monster. I used the baby. You use the baby as an excuse? Wait, David, kid. I'm never going to do anything. Even though Jasper's now eight, I will still pick him up and carry him onto the airplane so we can go in with kids first. What? Stop. Stop. Wait, what? Stop. That is... Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That is... And he probably tells him, he's like...

1:56:19Don't speak English. Don't speak. Scrub down. Scrub down. Jasper, remember, I told you, go like this. Suck your thumb. So you can get into the movie theater for free. Drink this bottle. Dude, drink it. He's taller than me. Boy, you suck that thumb. Suck that thumb, boy. Wow. He's like, this is Jasper to him. I need more of this. Dad, I don't want this bottle anymore. I don't want it. I'm taller than you. I'm taller than you, Dad. I can bench press more than you. Drink that bottle and shake your mouth. Drink that formula. I don't like formula, okay? Dad, I don't want to nurse when we go in the movie anymore. I don't want to. It makes me uncomfortable. It makes me uncomfortable. Hey, I got you in as a junior prize. Dad, we're saving $8. $8 is a bunch worth of groceries. Tonight's 8 o'clock album is Johnny Cash. Garrett.

1:58:04American Recordings, the name of it. Who picks those? Picks what? The 8 o'clock album. Garrett. Garrett is our program director. Garrett. When he gets real excited, what does he sound like? Garrett. Garrett. Garrett. Garrett. Garrett. Garrett. Garrett. Garrett. Garrett. Now I'm awesome. He was into it that time. He was definitely into it. Just a couple of seconds. We're going to see what the new Foo Fighters song sounds like. Mamacita. It's called Rope. Yeah. Rope. You call it Ropa. No. No. Does that mean clothes? Yes. Oh, sorry. Yeah. I guess, I mean, technically you could take any word and say you call it. You call it El Rope. The song were called Couch. El Couch. El Couch. I guess you could make that argument. But it's called Rope. By Lowe's Foo Fighters. All right. How Are You a Monster? Jay's Thrilled Me. Unbelievable. Are we surprised? That one even got me. That's a little surprising. The visual was just...

1:59:27He's got an eight-year-old son that he picks up to get onto an airplane because he's got a child. And then he goes limp. Oh, my gosh. He rides a half-pipe in the backyard. He will get on a skateboard and ride a half-pipe is how big he is. He's a tall eight-year-old as well. Yeah, he is. What's the age limit at movie theaters, though, and fairs and stuff where your kid's getting free before a certain age? He's usually like five. Do you still do that? No, it's hard to. Don't you? It's hard to. My parents did that. Until I was 13, I was getting the kids' menu. Jay will suck a bottle and have Kim take him in a wagon. A red rider. If you take your jacket and put it across his legs, you can't really tell how tall he is. So when the lady comes on, she says, and those of you that have small children, they actually say, Small children. Who need to board first. Jay picks up his eight-year-old, six-foot-tall son. Who's reading like a John Grisham book. No one's going to question or stop that, though. You're not going to. Hey, how long are you going to do that? M1 Andrew from Pacific Highway. Are you there? Yeah, hey, how's it going, guys? I might be a monster because when I get up in the morning...

2:00:44I turn on the sink. I let the water run. I get in the shower. Take my shower. Get out of the shower. Turn it on hot. Let that water run while I get ready and drink my coffee. Because hearing the water helps me wake up. Oh, look at L.O.B. Look at L.O.B. Look at L.O.B. Look at L.O.B. Look at L.O.B. He's wasting water. Hearing the water. He has to hear it. Makes him feel good. That's amazing. L.O.B., how can you take that away from him? machine. Not the same. It's not right. The steam from the hot water too. It feels so good. It's good for a skin. My house is cold so the steam kind of warms it up and just hearing the water call me a monster. It's comforting. It's more than a monster. You're a monster. He's a villain. That's incredible. Thank you Andrew. You're the village villain. M1 Jennifer from Poway. Hi. My boyfriend and I have three and a half years. We live together and we share the same car. And I purposely ignore when the gas tank gets really, really low. So he has to go and pay for it and do something and all that. You're a monster. So you wait until it's like he's used a quarter of a tank. Then you're like, hey, let me get some gas for us. Because it's only a quarter of a tank you have to fill. I ask him, I say, well, if you want to give me some money, I can go get it for you. Oh, wow. For you. Unbelievable. L.O.B.

2:02:10I just thought of two things that I did. What do you do? Well, it's one thing that I do, but I've done it twice now. Twice. While I've been in my late 20s. I'm really bad about changing my oil. And I'll go, like, way over the miles. And I always know when I go, they're going to give me a lecture. Because the very first time that I did it, I got such a lecture. I was like, I know, I know. So two times. Oh, no. I've lied and said that I've been out of the country. Oh. Oh! My God. And my friends went using my car. Oh, my God. L.O.B. It's a Jiffy Lube guy. L.O.B. You're never going to see him again. You're never going to see him. I know, but I'm ashamed. She doesn't want the shame. I love it. I love it. I'm so titillated. She's talking to Jason from Jiffy Lube. And she's like. I've been out of country and friend drove car. Hey, girl, what the hell you been doing to this car? I am so sorry. Barely speak English. You've got no oil in here.

2:03:10I am sorry. I was in my home country of Romania, and this is why. You've got hair blue-eyed, and you're wearing snooks. I doubt very much you're from Hungary. Trying to adapt to area. That's all. That's all. Trying to adapt to customs. I don't understand. I'll be like, I've been out of the country for a couple months, and I let my friend use my car, and it's like ran into the ground. Oh. She's embarrassed of the Jiffy loop. He knows you're lying. He knows you're lying. He knows. It's so outlandish. What if he was like, you freaking liar. He's like, you're L-O-B. I know who you are. Well, I haven't pulled it in a long time, but definitely within my late 20s, I pulled that move. And it's just so outlandish that why would someone even question it? I just wish they would. I wish they'd be like, that's interesting because... They wouldn't question it because they would never think someone would lie over it. She starts crying. She's like, I'm sorry. I lied. I'm going to call BS on that right now. Yeah. You're a freaking liar. You're a liar. You have no regard for this car. I'm still like my dad used to yell at me about doing stuff like that and like slamming on the brakes because I wore down the brake pads. So I just don't like getting yelled at. You said you had two. I've done that twice. Oh, okay. Two separate times I've lied to the Tiffany. Oh, my gosh.

2:04:24Another brick falls. Yeah. Oh, hi, Tom. It's Tom, right? Yeah, that's what it says right here on my thing. On my patch. Okay, I just want you to know that I've been out of the country. My friend's driven this car. Really? Okay. Why are you telling me that? Well, because you're going to notice that it's been 7,000 miles since my last oil change. I don't know if my little brother's listening, but one time I blamed him. One time I blamed a friend. One time I... Blame my little brother. How great would it be if her little brother just coincidentally pulled up at the same time, gets out, and the guy's like, hey, I was just hearing the story about how you... He's like, I didn't borrow her car. He's like, oh, so you're a freaking liar? He doesn't have a car, so it pops in my head. I'm like, oh, he's young. He lives in PB. He's partying, running my car into the ground. Unbelievable. M1 Shelly from Lakeside. Good morning, Mikey. Good morning. How are you a monster? I am a hospice nurse, and I love my job. It's a fabulous job. I'm also a full-time student, which I don't really like so much. So there's nights in class where I'm just really bored.

2:05:36So I'll have someone call my work phone and I'll say I have a patient with an emergency and need to go. Monster. Monster, monster, monster, monster. Karma monster. I like it. Monster. Karma monster. No, it's fine. No, it is not. It's fine. She points to the phone and she mouths emergency. Well, technically all of her clients are in some sort of dire situation. It is. Which could also be. Described as an emergency. Yep. I think if you were arguing your case to the big man upstairs with that bit, I think he goes, I'm going to call BS on that one. He's like, technically, but we don't do technicality. Technically. Thank you, Shelly. We love you. It's incredible. M1 podcast from Fallbrook. Brace yourselves for this. Oh, boy. I am M1 podcast. I didn't think that I'd be able to talk. Oh, so you know that. So you're aware of that. Because I didn't mention it because I just thought you didn't know.

2:06:59So what do you do, podcast? What do you do that makes you a monster? A few years ago, I injured my leg officiating, and I had to go to crutches. And so first time I got a taste of going to a grocery store, and the workers there saw me on crutches, and they were customer service, and they gave me an electric scooter so I could shop. Oh, my God! All in. It gets worse. It gets worse. So I used it because I couldn't walk. Yeah. After a couple, even for a couple more months after I was off the crutches and walking around. Couple more months, podcast. Couple more months. Still doing it. Couple more years. Couple more years. Couple more decades. Couple more decades. Years, months, what's the difference? Yeah, you know. I was seven when I had my. When I broke my leg. I meant to add on to the crutches, they were really small. Yeah, I had to keep extending them because I was getting taller.

2:08:02After I was healed up, when I was going to, like, Sam's Club or any grocery store, I wrapped my leg up with Ace Bandage, and I liked out my crutches and walked to the, you know, cobble over to the store just so I could take those electric scooters and ride around the store because I had fun. That's incredible. That is... That is fantastic. You're the winner? Question mark? The Ace Bandage. Give him a shirt or something? We're giving you a prize. And you don't deserve it, but... No, you don't deserve it, but you should get it. You're the worst at being in the world. You're the best at being in the world. You're the best monster. You're the best monster. Jumbo shrimp. You're the prettiest monster to call into that. With his sharpest teeth. Hang on the line. We're going to give you something. What I loved about it the most was the pure honesty that said...

2:09:00It was fun. Yeah. I love the lengths. I can see him in his living room on his recliner. Yes. With a big ass ace band. Yeah. That must take 20 minutes to wrap up. De Niro in Taxi Driver. Gosh. Yeah. Just looking at him. Practicing the limp. Wincing. Getting the limp down. Squinting. Limping. Looking in the mirror. You talking to me. It's incredible. It's brilliant. Man, let me tell you. Who wouldn't want to ride around one of those? And you must. I'm always jealous when I see them. Yeah. You must be so, the level of fun must be so high. Yes. It's got to be like a roller coaster. You're like, we. We. We. We. We. We. In a place like Costco. Costco. That would be amazing. It'd be incredible. Just slick floors. You can probably get a little skid going. Doing show nuts. Chances someone does this because they heard him say that. Chances there's 10 guys with crutches at Costco this week. Chances podcast opens up some kind of business where you can go ride those. Chances a Costco worker is listening and someone really on crutches comes in and he's like, ah, no. I heard your bit. I know your bit. The guy's like really broken leg. Pushes him over.

2:10:24It's a Monday crowd. It's almost just horrible. Let's see. M1 Lizzie from Carlsbad. You there? I am. Hey, guys. What did you do? What makes you a monster? Well, not only am I a monster, but Winder and Woods and Jamie were monsters along with me. Oh, no. Uh-oh. When we went to Disneyland. I wonder if Woods remembers. What did we do? What did you do? We made Brady lay down in a stroller. Oh, my gosh. Yep, we sure did. What? To get him in free. Oh. We made him lay down in the stroller. Oh, my God. So he would look under three. So under a certain age, you get him free. You got him in free. Yeah, so we didn't have to pay for him to go in. So we made him lay down. We put jackets over him. Oh, my God. I totally like. Tucked him in. Orchestrated him. Yeah, I was the mastermind. If we were going to be robbing a bank, I would have been De Niro in Heat. Okay, Winder was Val Kilmer in Heat. Oh, my gosh. And Jamie was Tom Sizemore, and Lizzie was the Mexican guy. Yeah. And then we go to Build-A-Bear later that day. Yeah. Wow. Oh, yes. And they're making Brady's Build-A-Bear, and the lady's conversing back and forth with him. Oh, what's your name?

2:11:43She goes, how old are you? And he goes, well, today I'm two. Oh, my gosh. He's like Balloon Boy. He goes, today I'm two, but I'm really four. I was like. Shut up, shut up, shut up. You made a child lie. Uncle Woods wants me to lie. He's teaching me to be a liar. You made a child lie. Yeah, I pulled a, what you call pulling on this bell, all right? I pulled on this bell. He's like, how old am I really? Daddy, am I not four? Daddy. When is it okay to lie? Oh, my gosh. I figured it's not my kid. It's mine. That's hilarious. I forgot about that. Thank you, Lizzie. I forgot about that. And she did, too. How old are you? He goes, today I'm two. And I was like, oh, boy. He was like, I can't break character. He's a smart kid. He's a monster. Yes, I am. I'm sorry. When I used to drink, I used to like to. On the airplane, I used to like to drink in peace. And what I mean by that is I was embarrassed of how much alcohol I would order. Right. So I didn't want anybody to sit next to me. So when they walked by, I would twitch. Oh, you've said this. Oh, my gosh. That makes you... We should take the prize away from M&P. You're the ruler of the monster. Maybe a chicken dinner. That's the worst. Ruler of monsters. It's monsters. The king of the monsters. Drop it. Show me. Oh, my gosh.

2:13:11And they'd walk by. They'd be like, I'm not sitting next to this guy. I'm not going to sit next to him. Wow. You just want to drink in peace. They would walk by. They would walk by. And as soon as they walked by. Oh, my gosh. Mike, that's sad. I know. I did it. I did it. I wouldn't do it today. I'm a different man. It's true. I wouldn't do it today. Oh, man. I've done some monstrous stuff. I know. This is supposed to be lighthearted. That was. You just brought everybody down. Thanks a lot. I'm all depressed. I'll give you some Manudorade and then I'll make it. Feeling those essential vitamins and minerals draining away? You need an injection of pure liquid power. Introducing Manudorade, the Manudo-flavored power drink featuring Freepa. Yes, Freepa. Manudorade contains big intestines, hominis, and electrolytes to give the active lawnmower the quick and sustained energy to reach people or more.

2:14:07It's Manudarade. We agree with all the flavors include Gattonigy's Otherade, Fajita Raid, and Barbacoa Ice. Barbacoa Ice. Wow. Fajita Raid. It's Manudarade. The video is so great. What's your favorite flavor, Mike? You know, Barbacoa Ice. I don't drink Manudarade. Fajita Raid. Fajita Raid. You guys want to hear the new Foo Fighters or not? Yes. I like it already. Same guy that produced the Nirvana album, Nevermind, produced this. Butch Vig. Get the big brain on breath. In. Just keep getting better. Yeah. Just like spine and wine. Are you kidding me? Predictable? It's the same as every other song. It's not. No, it's not. It's no Everlong. Well, nothing is Everlong. Everlong's brilliant. Well, you don't want it to be. If it were Everlong, you'd be like, oh, it sounds like Everlong. It's not their new Everlong. Yeah. Heard it before. Yeah.

2:17:40No, you haven't. I mean, it's a good song. It just doesn't blow me away for the Poo Fighters. Oh, I'm in. I couldn't be more. That sounds great. Definitely sounds like Poo Fighters. Yeah. Yeah, it does. If you like Poo Fighters, you're going to love Rope. That's great. That's great. Step outside your comfort zone. They're supposed to play sitar? What do you want? Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I like it. I like everything I do. I like it. It's not going to be wrong. Done it this time. Well, no surprise there. I wish I had a rope right now. Why is that? Because I could hang myself with it. That's ridiculous. You don't like it? Of course I don't like it. Why? Why? It's great. It rocks. It's got melody. Good drums. It's the quintessential passe cliché rock and roll album. So true.

2:19:16What's wrong with your music? What? Like what? Like Tom Waits. His new album. Do you know that he's got a new album? I had no idea. Not a Tom Waits fan. Why don't you try the new EP from Go Go Bordello? Why don't you try it? Why don't you try it? Because I don't pretend to like stuff that I don't really like that doesn't really sound good to me. That was triple. It sounded like the snot that comes out of a German shepherd's nose. Wow. I think Dave Grohl would beg to differ. If you get the Coco Bordello, get the vinyl version only. Of course, vinyl only. Because why? Because the audio... Forget it. I can't even... Have you even heard the new Coco Rosie? Have you even heard it? Have you even heard it? No, I haven't. Have you heard it? Thank God I haven't. You're very worked up. I guess you are not a Foo Fighters guy. No.

2:20:18I'm not a Foo Fighters guy. Are you a guy? Really? Are you judging me because of my long hair? Is that it? No, no. I like long hair. Are you judging me because I have sharp nails? Sebastian Bach. Sebastian Bach had long hair. Sharp teeth. Sharp teeth. Do you file those? No, I don't. I might be judging you. They're porcelain implants. You're playing a sonata in the middle of our conversation. Picks up here in just a moment. Silence. You learned to play. Juilliard. I knew you were going to say that. Of course you did. That's where I learned it. Of course. Of course. When I was studying and writing my first thesis. You were 13? 12. Pre-teen thesis. You were probably watching basketball or cheerleading or something. You really watch cheerleading. Oh, I do.

2:21:23Probably cheerleading. No. Yourself. No. Oh, what sorts of things did you do in high school? Oh. I heard of something that you did yesterday. No, that was a rumor. In a hot tub. That was a rumor started by someone just like you. Was that before you were making out with a woman in the kitchen? I was not making out with any woman in any kitchen. Smugly high school room. Yes. Unbelievable. I was. I was participating in athletics, something that I'm sure you are very against. Athletics? I was also in the National Honor Society. You were in the National Honor Society? I was. I made a speech on leadership during the induction ceremony. Really? Yeah. From whom did you plagiarize it? Oh, you know, I cited Abraham Lincoln as one of my favorite leaders, but it was all written by me.

2:22:20Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves, didn't he? Mm-hmm. You know, I like that. What? I must leave you now because I'm actually meeting Coco Rosie at a cafe later today in Gila Bend, Arizona. Wow. They're playing in a library. And I will be writing. A new sonata in my own blood. Oh, wow. Good. It's being entered into a museum. Incredible. Don't bring that in here. Yeah. Filthy blood. Oh, Tesla. What's that do for you? The same thing that Nikolov Tesla did for the rest. Do you know who Nikolov Tesla is? Something about a radio. Didn't he do something? He was the actual inventor.

2:23:28So was Marconi, but I digress. Oh, whoa. Don't you need to get off the heel a bit? Yes, I do. Have a safe trip. So what happens when Jessica Hahn goes on The View and she's asked about her affair with Jim Baker and then Jessica reminds one of the women on the show about one of her affairs? Oh, wow. Next. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, this is a pretty crazy story. There was a woman, or is a woman, who orders pizza every single day from Domino's. Every single day. She's a regular customer. What? Usually it's always the same delivery girl that delivers the pizza.

2:25:03Three days had gone by, and the delivery girl at Domino's hadn't heard from this woman, so she was worried. Called, went by the house, knocked on the door. No one came to the door. She asked the neighbor, had you seen her? The neighbor said no. Called the police. The Domino's delivery girl saved this woman's life because she had collapsed in the house. Police went in there and found her on the floor, and she couldn't call for help or anything. And because... She didn't order a pizza for three days. Someone noticed it. How had she collapsed? It doesn't say. I wonder if it had to do with her health. The police broke down the door and found her on the floor. I think she had fallen and she couldn't get up. I think that's right, L.O.B. And I think maybe she fell because maybe, you know, there's a pizza. Yeah, I have a broken hip probably. I'm going to give you another food story. People ever break their hip. Oh, really? That was weird. I'm going to break your hip. Another food story that just happened in Florida weird. There was a fight over Thin Mint cookies. Now, there was 31-year-old Hersha Howard woke up. She woke up early Sunday morning and noticed that her Thin Mints were gone. She woke up her roommate.

2:26:22And said, you know, what'd you do? You ate my Thin Mints. She said, I didn't eat your Thin Mints. I didn't eat your Thin Mints. She started, the girl whose Thin Mints were gone started chasing the roommate around the house with the scissors and were hitting her. It was normal. Hitting her. And police were called. It turned out that the cookies were eaten by the roommate's kids. This is awful. She's now charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. She was released Monday on a $10,000 bail over thin mint cookies. That was an overreaction. Yes. A little bit. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Not good news for the Chargers because the Broncos have re-signed Champ Bailey, one of the best corners in the league, to a four-year deal between $43 million and $47 million. Get a football or a baseball in your kids' hands today, ladies and gentlemen. There's no better way to make money. So, yeah, he has re-signed with the Broncos. He wanted to go out and be wined and dined, but then his quote was, the grass ain't always greener. I'm going to stay right here. Also, Cam Newton is thinking very highly of himself these days.

2:27:25He did an interview with Peter King of Sports Illustrated and said, I see myself not only as a football player, but an entertainer and an icon. You had to do something to be an icon. A lot of guys won national championships. Gino Toretta, I think, won a national championship. Charlie Ward. Tony Rice won a national championship. Not icons, pal. Yeah. You got to earn your stripes. All right. He's already got a bullseye on his back for next year. Been hanging out with T.O. I think so, dude. Jessica Hahn, are you too young, Sienna? I don't know who she is. Jessica Hahn was very, very well known. Well endowed as well. Later, she became well endowed. Foxy. I guess, you know, that's a relative term, Foxy, relative term. But she was most known because she helped to facilitate one of the biggest collapses in... television evangelism. Jim Baker and Tammy Faye Baker. Remember Tammy Faye Baker with the crazy makeup? Do you remember her? Yeah, I know who she is. She was married to Jim Baker and they used to do this very over-the-top TV evangelism show. It kind of creeped me out when I was a kid. Minus the kinda. Minus the kinda. Well, he had an affair with his secretary and her name was Jessica Hahn. And after they had an affair, of course, the whole

2:28:54Empire came tumbling down. And Jessica Hahn went on to Penthouse Magazine. And that's what she's well known for, having the affair with Jim Baker. So she is back. I don't know why, but she's back and was on The View and was asked about the affair. Well, when you were with your affair with Jim Baker... Now, let me get this straight. This wasn't an affair. This was... Unlike... She's not going to address it, by the way, because it was an affair. Yeah, it was an affair. She paints it like she was taken advantage of and that he seduced her and maybe he did, but she takes two to tango. Sharp guy. By sharp, he means like Hoyle. Like picture Hoyle. I heard that. Picture Hoyle. That is... Identical. Picture Hoyle. And that's what Jim Baker looked like. Yeah. Oh, my God, dude. I don't want to be cruel or anything. Okay. But in your book, Audition, you had an affair with a senator. She's talking to Barbara Walters. Oh, God. Who had an affair with a senator and admitted it. A blind senator. Yeah, had to be.

2:30:21This is about you, my dear. This is not about me. But what I want to say. And the crowd starts to applaud. Yeah. Jessica Hahn had every right to bring that up. Well, let's remember who's interviewing you. Well, happy birthday, Barbara. She's been invited to the show. Yeah. Happy birthday. That was an audition. But what I'm going to say is my situation was... Where are we now? Whoa. Weird, right? Did she mean where are we now? What are we doing at this moment or where are we in our lives? Look at me and look at you. Oh, is that what she means? Yeah, snotily. We've made it past all of that. No, no. Look at where I am and look at where you are, my dear. But she said, look. She said, where are we now? Where are we now? It could have been. Maybe I'd have to see it. Could have been like, what are we talking about right now? Well, listen, I mean, if Barbara Walters admitted it.

2:31:24It had been me in a book. If she admitted it, she goes, okay, yeah, I admitted it. But we're talking about you. You're right. I did. But anyway, back to the question. Yeah, exactly. I admitted it, by the way. I wrote a book about it. You're not admitting it. You're saying it didn't happen. Got a text from M1 Frank. It says, Mikey, I get that you have very firm rules on couples and divorce. However, you come across as a glass. half full type of guy. Not all people who have kids need to stay together. I disagree with that. By the way, I think that all people, all meaning everybody, who have kids need to stay together. But I think that it doesn't matter. Kids doesn't matter for me. If you're married, you stay together. By this, I mean that in quite a few instances, it is in the best interest of the children,

2:32:28for the parents to live apart. In some instances, things happen for a reason. Yes, I agree. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. So yes, to that extent, I agree with him. Things happen for a reason, usually because we did something. As a parent who had little or no say in what happened with my daughter, I don't think you get that my ex's constant obstruction made me feel, how it made me feel, and how it affected our daughter. All right, now I'm going to stop there and say to Frank, I feel bad for Frank. And the reason I feel bad for Frank is because his ex sounds like she was selfish. And it was about her, her, her. He goes on to say, there was a period when our daughter entered early adulthood where she cut herself off from her mom.

2:33:33Due to all the obstruction in the past. You assume far too much. Her mother and I were ill-equipped to be a family. I had a drinking problem. Let's stop there. I did too, Frank. And I did something about it. And my ex is to this day an alcoholic. Okay. Again, I feel bad for you because your ex-wife is an alcoholic. She's not doing anything about it. I've been sober 27 years. Congratulations, Frank. That's freaking rad. And I mean it. He says our daughter's a solid, smart kid who needed her real father in her life and has told me as much. I agree. So when one parent assumes that they have the child's best interest over the other parent's right to have a say and you state this is the consequence of divorce and separation, it's smug.

2:34:41And ignorant. I can see how that would be smug and I need to work on that. I think maybe I do sound smug when I talk about it. And I am ignorant to it in that it has not happened to me where my wife has become a nut and left and done wacky stuff. And if she did, the consequence is the consequence of her selfish actions. That doesn't make it fair, but it does make it a fact. I am experiencing the consequences of her wackiness. That's a fact. Your religious views tend to make you come across as a holier-than-thou sermonizer and in some instances, very negative. If that's true, I need to examine it. And I owe you an apology, Frank, if I come across as holier-than-thou. But honestly, you need to ask yourself whether or not I hit a nerve.

2:35:50I need to ask myself whether or not I come across as a holier-than-thou sermonizer, and you need to ask yourself whether or not I hit a nerve. Sometimes things are meant to be, whether they meet your view of the ideal family. My idea of the family is not... It may be ideal, but I'll tell you what it isn't. Easy. Yeah. And that's the reason that I get so passionate about it. I get passionate about it, and I get fired up about divorce because... That's it's easier to quit. It's easier to quit. It's easier to say it was meant to be for us to get a divorce. It was meant to be. No, it wasn't. You made a choice and so did she. Or maybe you didn't make a choice and she did. Maybe she didn't make a choice and you did. But either way, somebody was being somebody was being an A about it and didn't want to back off.

2:36:53And that's what usually that's what it takes. Somebody's got to back down. He goes on to say, Mikey, at the risk of being a hypocrite, you personify the right wing nut job image that religious people are labeled with. I'll take a look at that. But I honestly think I may come across as smug and ignorant more than I would ever agree that I come across as a right wing nut job. I agree with that. Because I think that my thoughts and my opinions, although they may not be yours, Frank, they're cogent. They're sober. They're not off the wall. They're not weird. They're just not yours, Frank. Your message about divorce is a good message at its core, and your heart is in the right place. Your message, your underlying and overlying message is stay together. Stay together. Which cannot be perceived.

2:37:57as a bad message. Now, with every situation, there are extenuating circumstances that we are often not privy to, like in that email. So you've got to get your message across. That's what you get paid to do. And my message, even with everything he said, still stands. My message hasn't changed. And it ain't a bad message. She is selfish. Frank's ex-wife is selfish. And I feel bad for Frank. Because he's got a selfish ex-wife. And I don't expect Frank to lay down and not say anything about his child. And say, oh, it's just a consequence. I can't do anything about it. No, I don't expect you to do that. It's just a fact that it is a consequence. It is. It's a consequence of a woman that is selfish. He says, at the risk of... I respect your views, but it wouldn't hurt for you to expand your tolerance of people who don't fit your narrow view of society. Well, I'm trying to think of what my intolerance looks like. If what you mean by that, Frank, is that I become tolerant to the extent that I say that divorce is okay if it just isn't working out, I'm going to have to ask you to be tolerant of my intolerance. Yeah. Because I won't say that. Right. I don't believe it. And my role model.

2:39:37has been two people that have stayed together for 54 years and at times couldn't stand the sight of the other. I deserve to say in what happened in my daughter's life, regardless of whether her mother and I were together, the scariest moment in my life was when my ex's poor judgment put our daughter in jeopardy. That stinks. And I'm sorry, and I think it stinks. And I'm sorry that that's who she is or was. I think it's a bummer. But my view on divorce, it doesn't change. It's hard work. It isn't easy. And I don't like that in our country, way over 50% of marriages end in divorce. And this is why it means something to me too. The reason it means something to me is because I have little kids and they have to go to school with other little kids. And I'm doing, I'm trying very, very hard.

2:40:39to be a good dad to those little boys, to teach them good things and to raise them well. And I don't want some jackhole raising them. And so the best thing that I can do for my boys is to stay married to their mother, even though sometimes she drives me up the wall and I drive her up the wall. That's all. And I'm a talk show host. Yeah. You know, I'm a talk show host. That's what I do. I got to talk about stuff and the stuff that I'm passionate about. 570-1949 is our phone number. What are you saying? I couldn't hear you. I was just saying hi. You were just saying hi? How are you? Hi. First he accidentally got on and went... I didn't know the mics were on. Forget the mics were on? That's all right, though. That's what makes you fun. Fair enough. You know what I mean? We're going to go to lunch all together today. I can't wait.

2:42:24We're going to... I don't see enough of you guys. I agree. Is that a... Yeah, I couldn't tell. Is that a dig? No, I don't see enough of you guys. It sounded sarcastic. No, I love my friends. It was sarcastic. It wasn't. I love you guys. I'm okay by it. He what? We see a lot of each other. No, not enough. That's what I'm saying. We see a lot of each other. I wish we had dinner four nights a week. I love you guys. But we do see a lot of each other. No, we don't. We do. I like it. I like it, too. We have lots of... Just chemistry. It's just fun. I like you guys. We do have a lot of meetings. Recently, there's been a lot of meetings. I wish we had more fun stuff to do, like lunch, than stupid meetings. I agree. We have had a lot of meetings. Garrett! Garrett! If you're listening right now, do you have a lot of meetings? Does your work have a lot of meetings? Do you like to hang out with your coworkers outside of work, is what I want to know. Does that do anything for you? I had that written down on my ideas for today. What? Oh, that's weird. I did, too. Yeah. You beating over my shoulder again? I just wish that, like, we could hang out and have all of our family there, too. Yeah. Like, why don't you have Mikey? I need her like I need crap. Like the desert. You miss the rain. You miss her. Yeah. Why don't you have more barbecues at your house? Yeah. It's about four degrees and it rains. It's like 70. We'll do some barbecues. We'll hang out. I'll play the guitar. We can jam. In the summertime, yeah. You promise? I do. Okay.

2:43:50I do. In the summer, it'll be nicer. And Sage, you can come over. Yes. It'll be good. Go swimming. Yeah. Yeah. Let's get our families together more. Here's to swimming with bow-legged women. Mm-hmm. Oh, boy. It's a line from Jaws. Oh, I love that movie. Do you want to quote Jaws? White shark. Three tons of him. Who? Martin! Those tanks are full of compressed air. Wow. That was really good. You see, a shark does two things. Makes baby sharks and eats. That's it. Mr. Hooper! I've seen that movie two dozen times. It doesn't show.

2:45:04Conservative number, Ella. No one knows quotes like Mikey knows Josh quotes. I love Josh. Sienna, talk to me about what the royal family will be eating at the royal wedding. Well, banana flan is Prince William's favorite dessert. However... That sounds delicious, by the way. Banana flan. That sounds delicious. Weird that Mikey thinks flan tastes good. I don't like the consistency. You don't? I don't like crème brûlée either. It's like bread pudding. You don't like pudding? Mm-mm. I love the sugar crispy edges of it, kind of burned. Yeah. But there is a more traditional dish, which is usually always at weddings in the UK. Crumpets. No. Yorkshire pudding. Something that's really not very popular here in the US. Lady fingers. Haggis. No. Haggis. That dish, which will be at Prince William's wedding, is fruitcake. Oh. Ooh, yes. Yes. A British wedding designer was talking about this and saying that it is actually a wedding staple to have fruitcake there. What? Couples usually store the top layer of the fruitcake in a tin, and they serve it at the christening of their first child. Whoa. Are you serious? It's a tradition, yeah. This sucks.

2:46:21One of our M1s is a fruitcake. Right. More than one. He's at the Vons right down the street. Maybe not for long. Aisle 9. No, he's been there since 1974. M1 fruitcake? Hey! There he is. It's a fruitcake. How are you doing? I'm terrific. I'm heading to England soon. Wow. And I am, as you say, stupid. Wait a minute. So bad. And by the way, banana flan is a... filthy whore. Whoa. I just wanted to get that out there. Strong language. Wow. I know that Star Trek is a filthy whore. Okay, well. You don't have to say it twice. Yeah, twice. Once was more than enough. So are you the fruitcake that they've chosen? Yes and no. Or are you just going as a backup? Yes and no. Let's just, Sienna, I don't want to go into details. I'll do that for you. Yes, meaning it's going to be a fruitcake. No, meaning it's not going to be him. Oh, okay. So you're kind of backdooring the event? How did that, what did that? I don't know. You don't want him to work it in there. Lord knows what to talk about. That's like a dream come true for you. I was going to go to Palm Springs, but I changed my mind and I did get the invite and I will be there. I think it's sad that you're now making things up. It's come to that. First of all, you've been on that aisle. I am a talking fruitcake. I know that, but I think it's sad that you're now pretending to go to Palm Springs and pretending to go to England. You've been on aisle nine there at Vaughn's for...

2:47:5524 years. Yeah. Why would they import you when they can get a British fruitcake? Right. Fresh. Ask questions, L.O.B. I don't know how to be there. The fruitcake, I'm going. Fruitcake. I have a feeling that you... No, it's just a question. She's asking questions, man. It's my job. It's her job. Are you a reporter? No. Chris Matthews on the hard line? No, but she can ask questions. You don't have to get so defensive about it. One question. I have a feeling, Fruitcake, that you were a big fan of Princess Di. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? So you're going to actually... A bear ass in the woods? Okay. All right. Can I ask you a question? Let me ask you a question, Fruitcake. Fire away. How much... A little Mexican man. A little sexy Mexican man. Whoa. Hot tamale. Coming through. A little hot tamale. I think the last one was an insult. Fire away. My question for you is, how hard did you cry when Elton John redid the words to Candle in the Wind? I'll never forget where I was. I was here at Bonds on this shelf. Of course you were. You haven't moved from there. I'll never forget where I was. Elton, he's a friend. He's a dear friend. I'm a fan of his work, obviously.

2:49:20Anyway, get back to where were you? I was here at Vaughn. I told you three times. I was here. I was in my tin. And I was here. How did somebody told you? Or they said, hey. I was on the news. Fruitcake, did you hear? They said, hey, Fruitcake, did you hear? Yes. That Elton John redid the Lady Di song? Yes. You cried? I wept. I wept with cherries and nuts. Clean up on aisle five. Yeah. And they played. I heard it. I heard. Seems to me. You've lived your life like a candle in the wind. Get it. How upset are you? Go ahead. Yep. Sounds like it really impacted you. Yeah, made a big impact. And I would have liked to know you. Yep. Don't remember the words, kid. You're singing the original. Your candle burned out long before. Right, fruitcake. Your legend never did. Gorgeous. Thank you, fruitcake. See you bad. Have a great day. Yeah, you too. That fruitcake is something else. Oh, wow. He was extra spicy today. He's going to the royal wedding. Yeah. A lot of nutmeg in there. Yep. He's probably really upset that Prince William's getting married, you know. Probably. So he's Prince Harry. So Charlie Sheen's dad, Martin Sheen, and his brother, Emilio Estevez, talking about Charlie's addiction. You could decide what you think. What would you say? If you're a brother or dad, their position. Play you their comments.

2:51:24Tonight's 8 o'clock album. Johnny Cash. Garrett. Johnny Cash. Garrett. American Recordings. Garrett gave me the new Adele yesterday. Oh my gosh, I can't wait to hear it. Apparently I'm a giant gay man now because it's all I listen to is female singers. I don't know. I don't know what my problem is. I don't think that's bad. Turn it up. You know why? Turn it back up. I stopped it. Well, you did. Turn it back up. Turn it up. The reason that it's okay. Is because she... Because I'm old now. No, the reason it's okay is because she sings feminine. She's a girl and she sings like a girl. I think that's great. What I don't like is the girls that try to sing like Cookie Monster. Please. I'm okay, man. No, bro. You're okay. I might tear up a little. Oh, boy. I'm very emotional. Does it make you feel, Santa? What? That he's emotional? Yeah. I'm not surprised.

2:52:32Not either. I mean, I love that about you. Adele? No, just emotional. No, he listens to sad Adele music and he gets emotional. But I'm all woman. Partially, yeah. I don't think a person should listen to sad music when they're sad. I know you don't, but it makes me feel better. It feels good. And sometimes it helps to have a good cry about stuff. Yeah, it's okay for girls to say that, but that wasn't okay. That was over the line. We're having a tough time in my home and I listen to sad music to make... To evoke emotion. Whatever works for you, pal. I'm right behind you. If you get a sunburn, I don't think that the cure is to go out into the sun. No. If you eat chili that's really hot, I don't think the answer is to feast on habaneros. But you're not going back to the thing that upsets you in the first place.

2:53:23But you're giving yourself the same feeling. It's a way to be sad about something else. I have a sunburn. I think I'll open the oven and put my back to it. You know what it does? It evokes emotion in you. And I try to be such a stonewall that sometimes I just got to get it out. Or I'll come in here and be like, shut up, dude, and be a D. You know what I mean? Is that why people... I never knew. I think I'm getting it. I'm getting it. That's why I do it. So it's the personality that bottles it up. Yeah. They need the sad stuff to help them throw up. Yes. It's like you feel better when you throw up if you're sick. I need to get all my sadness out. And I usually do in the beginning and I cry for a long time and the music helps. But then I get it all out and I'm done crying. Yeah. And I'm just going through my process now of like with everything that went on. I'm going through my process now. I'm getting sadder every day. Jamie's getting better every day. I'm getting sadder every day. It's weird. It's a cycle. It is. It's a process. It's a process. I might have pushed my printer off of my desk in anger. I don't. It's my sadness, fear and just just frustration and just a one quick bam, you know, and like right after that, I go, I'm an idiot. Why did I do that? And it's fine. It didn't break anything, but it's just my it isn't fine because it didn't break. Well, it's right. And nobody got hurt. It's not fine because nobody got hurt.

2:54:44I wanted to punch something, but I didn't. So I just pushed my printer off to death. Maybe do a stress ball. You know what I do with stress balls? I eat them. Write that down. It's true. Jamie brought me one. It's a boxing glove. I believe that. He's eating a styrofoam cup right now. Goat. Please, you're going to hurt yourself. I'm a weirdo. So extreme. He's very extreme. It's just me. Mike was just looking at you like you were a science experiment. I do all the time. All of his emotions are cranked up. So if he's happy, he's really happy. If he's sad, he's really sad. Such a good way to describe it. He's excited. He's really excited. That's what my mom says about me, and you're even more excited. You saw me about cheesecake, how I broke a glass. He broke a glass over cheesecake. I got so excited. Gordon said, look, Woods, it's what kind of amaretto cheesecake. As he pressed on cheesecake, he lifted up his wine glass at dinner and said, cheesecake!

2:55:47You know, or like, or like if Mikey says something to me that makes me mad, I'll snap. Like I snap. So I'm either one. I'm not, I'm not real. I'm not real even keel. What? That one I don't like, unless I'm supposed to pretend that you actually do that. I've never, I don't get that you do that. I've snapped before. We have to poke him for a while for him to get. Oh yeah. I've snapped before in here. You have on me? Did you not see me peel out? A couple weeks ago. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that wasn't directed at me. No. That's the emotion he's been able to control the most is his anger. Yes. Which is three emotions technically. Hurt, sadness, and fear. See, with Woodsy, Woodsy keeps everything inside, which if I could get him to work on something, that's what it would be. What he does is... If I say something or we say something, he doesn't like it. He'll just go, okay, okay. And then he'll leave here and like bite the heads off of bats. Punch my car steering wheel. Yeah. Mad cry. Sometimes he'll say, okay, I'll just go F myself. But he'll say it quiet enough that it might slip past us. Yeah. I can be very sensitive. Yeah. And he knows himself. He knows that he's extreme. And so.

2:57:09He knows, well, I can't disagree with this because the way that I disagree is a 12 out of a 1 to 10. Right. I don't know how to disagree at a 5. My bit also is if you back me in a corner, watch out. Yeah, you get crazy. If I get, like, cornered by somebody, I'm like, I'll rip your head off. Yeah. Speaking of crazy people. Yeah. Charlie Sheen. Hi, Hill. Hi, guys. What's the latest? Well, his dad is now talking. I feel bad for his dad. What a mess. Here's his dad. He's an extraordinary man. If he had cancer, how would we treat him? The disease of addiction is a form of cancer. And you have to have an equal measure of concern and love and lift them up. And so that's what we do for him. Can't force him. Their voices are exactly the same. Yeah. Here is Emilio Estevez. Emilio Sheen. He didn't take on Sheen. Oh, yeah. It's weird. No, no, no. It's Martin Estevez and it's Charlie Estevez. Got it. And they changed it to Sheen because it sounds white. You get used to it, though, too. You get a bit after 30 years.

2:58:32Me? 40-some years. You just sort of, you build up an immunity, I guess. Hey, Dad, are you ever going to recognize that I'm just normal? Maybe give me a pat on the back. Maybe just pat me on the back. Let's all go rent St. Elmo's Fire. Have you not? What? What? Never seen it. You're crazy. Oh, my God. When I was in middle school, high school, that was middle school, I guess. Never seen it. It's awesome. Oh, I wanted to be all of them. I thought that was so cool. It wouldn't hold up for you now, Mike. Oh, you would hate it right now. I watched it recently. I read it in. It's great. Have you seen it, Sienna? No. It's so good. It's so funny. Never heard of it. Oh, boy. Is it almost fire? I've never heard of it. It breaks my heart every time. All right, one more clip of Martin. You realize that we're not all on the same journey all the time, yet we have to love that much more. We have to be that much more present. I just thought of a funny Saturday Night Live skit would be somebody like Sienna that doesn't really know Martin Sheen or whatever. And somebody goes, Sienna, have you met? It's Martin Sheen. She goes, Martin! Oh, are you Martin? Martin! Sure I'm not. Different Martin. In the West Wing. In the West Wing. Apocalypse Now. Been around him a long time.

2:59:53I was in Wall Street. Academy Award. It's got to be so hard for that family to watch what Charlie's going through. Not only as a parent, yeah, to feel so helpless, but, you know, it tarnishes the entire body of work a little bit. And he's good. He's a talented dude. Yeah. Is he? Yeah. Wall Street? Oh, man. Bud Fox. Dynamite. Platoon? Platoon. Oh, yeah. Major League? He was great. He was Dynamite. Rick Wild Thing Vaughn, dude. You never forget it. He's great. He's one and a half guys. Two and a half men. Right? He's one. I've never seen that. He's one of them. He's one. He's one men. I could be considered one and a half men. Men. Men. Just two men. The J just loves. Shut up. He loves to jump in there. Better be fat than old. Old? We'll all be there one day. Here's the latest from Muammar Gaddafi. What is the matter with you people? You should want a Denny's, not freedom. Think about it. The Grand Slam or the moons over Miami. Delicious. Or a Rudy to the fresh and fruity. Oh, wait. No, that's IHOP. Totally my bad. Strange thing to tell people at this time.

3:01:18It's a serious time. You should be focused on more pressing events. I know. Anyway. Yeah. Hillary, how you doing? I'm great. Yeah? How are you guys? I'm good. Good. Oh. We have had a very funny day today. Very funny. I laughed a lot. Didn't get a headache because I kept drinking coffee. Good for you. Perfect. Now if I just keep the coffee levels up to... Eight, nine gallons a day. Don't get a headache. Scale back slowly. Sounds great. Hillary, what do you got coming up? Well, I heard you guys play the new Foo Fighters song earlier. I'm going to play that again in about 10, 15 minutes. Also, I grabbed Rocket from the Crypt. And now that Swami's doing his daily dose every day, 6 p.m., super cool. So I'm going to play some Rocket, some Mumford & Sons, The Clash, and a new Social D song. Give me the sweet and low down. Nice. Good stuff. There you go. Publicly and talented Hillary is up next, and we'll come back. Do this again tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. Mikey shows out. Late.