The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 02/24/11
Thursday, February 24, 2011
student free speechcough medicine mishaptelevision interviewsrelationship jealousyfear of flyingcelebrity justicestudio accidentschild performerslingerie footballradiocomedylajolla
At La Jolla High, the cast debated whether students' "Freedom for Iran" message was protected expression or an inappropriate takeover of senior spirit benches. Jay became the show's comic target after trying to dodge lunch and writing an incoherent cough-syrup recap, while Lauren created the biggest physical gag by dropping a cherry pie into her lap. Sienna's plan to fly separately from Todd sparked an argument over parental caution versus irrational fear, and Kara's complaint about her husband's swimsuit-model fixation expanded into a debate over fantasy and changing for a partner. The show closed around Lauren and Matt's lingerie-football dispute, with Matt crediting the athletes' hard hits and the male hosts arguing that the revealing uniforms obviously drove his reaction.
What happened, in order
Freedom for Iran benches
The cast argued over La Jolla High students repeatedly painting "Freedom for Iran" on senior benches traditionally reserved for birthdays and school spirit.
Jay's cough-syrup recap
Jay tried to escape a group lunch by framing his illness as concern for everyone else, then sent a cough-syrup-addled recap promising to get a "Disneyted driver to talk me to work."
Larry schools Piers
Larry King told Piers Morgan that CNN had oversold him as dangerous, while Piers defended the hype as necessary when replacing a legend.
Hoyle auditions for Idol
Hoyle performed a mangled Celine Dion audition while the cast impersonated the American Idol judges, then mistook Steven Tyler for a woman.
The swimsuit-model subscription
Caller Kara said her husband's fixation on one Sports Illustrated swimsuit model humiliated her, prompting a long argument about harmless attraction, obsession and whether partners should change their appearance.
Separate flights for safety
New mother Sienna considered flying separately from her husband Todd so their daughter Sage would not lose both parents in a plane crash, and the cast mocked the logic with increasingly absurd travel comparisons.
Lindsay Lohan warned
The cast played a judge bluntly warning Lindsay Lohan that accepting a plea in his courtroom would mean jail, then agreed she should take the lesser punishment rather than risk prison at trial.
Pie in Lauren's lap
Lauren tried to cut and serve a cherry pie without a proper server, flipped the entire pie into her lap and watched Woods continue eating it from her pants.
Too precocious for radio
A viral five-year-old declared she needed a job before marriage, leading the cast to debate whether her mother had scripted her and whether precocious child performers such as Lil' Peanut are cute or annoying.
The lingerie-football fight
Lauren admitted crying when boyfriend Matt called lingerie football the greatest thing he had seen, while Matt insisted the hard hitting caused his reaction and the men insisted the lingerie did.
People mentioned
MikeyLauren O'BrienSiennaWoodsJayToddSageKaraLarry KingPiers MorganHoyleSteven TylerLindsay LohanMatt
29,699 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
I'm the host of the show, and I'm 40, and didn't you just hear what I said? No, you did not. I did. You did. Someone? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And what else? I'm Woodsy. Yeah, you're Woodsy. You are our sports guy. I am. And the girl to your left, my right, is Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as LOB. Hi. Has a big announcement that she's going to be making. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. Congratulations. No, it's not that. Oh, sorry. Please. And the girl to my left is the lovely and talented Sienna. She's our news girl. The guy all hopped up on cough medicine over there. He's dancing. Dude. That was a dance. Our listening audience today.
Don't turn the channel. You are in for a treat. We've got Goofy L.O.B. and Hopped Up Jay. Jay could be the entire Mikey show. Maybe you switched seats with him, dude. He didn't hear the person he said. I know. I don't know. And our phone screener today is Chris. It's Cross. So, yeah. Well, just want you to know. That at 8 o'clock, we will be talking to our friend Sienna, who we will say up front, as far as we know, is not a lunatic. I'm not. As far as we know. I'm not. But yesterday, she did say that her and her husband are going to be taking a trip. And that she wants them to fly on separate planes. We'll explain why. We'll explain why. We'll explain why. We'll explain why. I'm thinking about it. I know. And the word of the day is dust. Sometime between now and 10 a.m., you will hear me say the word dust. And when you do, caller number nine will get a UFC 127 pay-per-view on Cox, Advance TV, and a pair of either angel or anarchy sunglasses, depending on whether you're a guy or a girl.
So there you go. 570-1949. Call, ask questions, make comments, anything you want. The beginning and end of every show we do open phones. You call about anything that you'd like to call in about. So here's the things that we're going to be hitting on. La Jolla High School and some controversy going on there. The Navy doing some mock attacks. Our weekend, weather-wise. Depending on who you are, you're not going to like it, or you're going to like it a lot, depending on who you are. If you are a heroin addict, you may enjoy the weekend. I like it. That's not necessarily true, because if you are an outdoorsman, you may like this weekend, depending on what you're into and what you like. Wow. All right? And also, we've got to talk to you about what's happening at SeaWorld.
But first, low AI. My old stump. The old alma mater. The old alma mater. La Jolla Vikings. That's right. Okay. Now, something that's really cool at La Jolla High, it's always been cool and never caused a problem that I've known of until now. They have senior benches. Now, there are two benches in one of the main quads. There's two at La Jolla High. And if you're a senior, you can paint on these benches. What you do is you'll go in at night when there's no one there, and you paint happy birthday for your friend's birthday or something. Go Vikings if they're in a big game. And you paint them. And only seniors are allowed to do this. weeks ago they have questions though okay questions yeah yeah okay when you say paint do you mean like uh and okay so i gotta give it first i need a visual of what these benches look like they're concrete two concrete solid benches okay and they're and they're kind of big sounds like yeah they're pretty big big enough that you can paint um like a bus a bus stop size a little smaller maybe okay and do people paint do they bring like
Because there's lots of different ways to paint. One way that you paint is that you have a small little brush. No, it's you get a big brush. You get a big like. And you have paint stuff like you would paint a wall. Like you paint a fence? Yeah. That is elaborate. Yeah. And you paint them and you go in there. Not like a roller. Nope. Like you would paint a fence. A fence. Okay, got it. The thick brush. Okay. And you go in and like on my birthday when I was a senior, only when I was a senior, I came in and my friends had written, happy birthday. And only seniors can write on these benches. Yeah. You know, other classmen may have tried and have gotten in big trouble by seniors. Right, right, right. And you walk in there like with Sherman Williams. Paint a can? Uh-huh. Oh, my gosh. Late at night, and you don't ever want anyone to see you because you want to come in the next morning, and it's there, and it's a surprise, and it's like, yay! Yeah. And people do it almost every day. Okay. I mean, they're always different. Yeah. And so, and they've had them for, I don't know, 40 years or something? Yeah. They were there when my parents went to La Jolla High. Was it a tradition even then? Yeah, we had the senior benches. It's just a cool thing for seniors. And the painting and all that. And the painting, yes. Yeah. So, a couple weeks ago, students came in in the morning, and the...
Usually it's happy birthday. Go Vikings, whatever. But this time it said freedom for Iran on the senior benches. One jackhole. Which caused some problems. And in fact, when it was painted over, the Persian club... Wrote on it again for the second time in a week, Freedom for Iran. And it's turned into this huge news story. My sister was actually telling me that she was in the background of the news and like being like the cloud walking around. And some of her friends were interviewed and they were like, you know, these are supposed to be lighthearted benches. It's just supposed to be a happy birthday, you know, school spirit, whatever. Yeah. They're not for political statements. Right. Exactly. And I guess that there's a. bulletin board where you can have more political statements to put stuff in. But I've never even heard of this bulletin board. And so I don't think anyone uses them. But this is like a big controversy going on in La Jolla High. And it was on sign on San Diego right on the cover this morning when I looked online. And I mean, people are like, you know, should that be OK for them to write that? No, it's not about that. Conversely.
OK, it wouldn't be OK for kids to put some American statement either. It's not about race. It's not about it's just not a political thing. It sounds like it sounds like it's a lighthearted deal. And the reason and there's a reason it isn't political. It isn't political so that you don't cause people that have an opposing view to get upset about it. Yeah. This was not put there to be a political. A free speech place. Yes. It was put there to write happy birthday and go Vikings. Right. And so this is just something that's been around. And I thought it was not hilarious, but I see those benches and I've seen them a million times. I'm like, what? Who writes that? How crappy would it be if they make the kids stop because of this? How crappy would it be if they're like, you know, if the school officials are like, if this is what it's going to become, then we'll just say no more of this and blah, blah, blah. Oh, people would protest. Those benches have been there forever. It's just something really, I think it's a cool thing to let students do. So we'll see what happens. Everybody needs to relax a little bit. I know. People, you know, there's obviously people like, why can't they write that? Oh, God, come on. Because that's not what it's about. Oh, boy. It's about freedom of speech, Mike. How dare you write Merry Christmas on those benches? Oh, no. Freedom of speech. Well, would you be for it or against it, plebeian guy?
For what? I'm for it, obviously. You're for it? Whatever you want, it's America. Well, yeah, but you're going to make it... I don't care. It's freedom of speech, your forefathers. Well, not your forefathers. My forefathers fought for this country. Ooh, I didn't know. You're a racist. So you're saying that I'm less of American than you are? Yes. Oh, wow. Wow. Fighting words. Your last name is what again? Esparza, but I didn't know you're... Exactly. You're racist? Exactly. Yeah, you said exactly. You're a racist. Freedom of speech. That's the card they play. It's freedom of speech. You can do whatever you want. All right. It's a weak card. It is. Navy is launching some mock attacks today. This is pretty crazy. I was watching it on the news yesterday, and you see... Good idea. I mean, ships looking like they're exploding. I mean, crazy stuff. The Navy is spending this week simulating a variety of attacks, basically to train sailors for a potential hit by terrorists. So it's a really good move. The Navy staged a mock explosion outside the main gate of the Naval Air Station. And they attempted to breach security at the submarine base in Point Loma. They conducted an attack on the Dewey ship. And, I mean.
The exercise was meant to test not only the Navy, but to see what the FBI and the Red Cross would do. I mean, just get everyone on high alert and ready. It's a good idea. Got to be prepared. Got to be. Let's see. We even had dolphins in the water doing stuff. It was crazy. Whoa. I know. The dolphins doing stuff? Yeah. Well, I wasn't sure what the dolphin was doing, but I did see it on the news. One of the Navy guys underwater, downtown San Diego, and there was a dolphin there. Hanging out? Yeah. Trained dolphin? Wow. Sometimes they do that. Tagged him with a marker or something like that. Wait, what, Sienna? It said a Navy dolphin was suddenly at the Navy guy's side. I'm reading this right now. Tagging him with a marker that no one could miss. Oh. So the dolphin had a purpose. It's cool. There you go. The dolphin had a porpoise. Porpoise. Oh, wow. Just a pet. Yeah. I hope they didn't hurt any of the dolphins. I'm sure they didn't. No, the dolphin looked happy. I'm sure they didn't. Let's see. Oh, yeah. So talk about the weather this weekend. What turd it's going to be. Well, for some people. For some people, it'll be great. Who? For who? People that like to do snow. No. People that like snow activities. Okay. Scheme. They want to drive up and have a ball. Well, they're not going to have to drive as far.
Last weekend, a bunch of families went up in the mountains where there's snow and did sledding and stuff for their kids, which is in an area where you usually can't do it. And it looks like the same case this weekend, too. There's areas in Alpine, Julian, Ramona that don't see a lot of snow. Do see it sometimes, but there's supposed to be a lot this weekend. And it's supposed to be way colder, like up to 15 degrees colder than normal. That's what we're going to do. We're all in. Yeah, we're going to do it, too. Maybe you're getting better, Jay. I will by then. Okay, Jay's obviously talking about you and your family. All right, you guys will load up. We'll load everybody up, take some sleds, and go hit the trees. Well, aren't you just the outdoorsman? Fine. That'd be so fun, though. Yeah, it's not a year. L.O.B. We are going to Palm Springs, but we're taking a tram up to the mountains to go hiking. Weird. Our program director, Garrett, told us about it. And we watched a video on it. Garrett! On the tram. And there was like family sledding and all this stuff. And Matt was like, babe, should we get sleds? And I was like, come on, grow up. But now that I hear there's going to be snow, I'll go. I don't want to sit in the hotel all day. So you're going to stay in Palm Springs and take a trip up to the mountains? Yes. All right. It's a tram. It starts in the desert and goes beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Have you ever done it before? No. That's very cool. Couldn't pay me enough to do it. Oh, stop. You said, all right, I'll give you $1,000. I said, no.
I'm not leaving my house. No, I'd rather not. It's cold. It's cold. Listen, two years ago, my wife wanted to go to Big Bear for Thanksgiving, and it snowed. And we went and played in the snow. We rented, we went to this place where you could rent inner tubes. And you take this tram up to the top and you come down on the inner tubes. And we have these pictures of me and her and Jake all bundled up in our clothes, our scarves and our gloves. And the snow is coming down. It's very idyllic. Hated it. Never want to do it again. It's fun while you're doing it, but then you get the slightest bit of snow in your glove and you're miserable. Yeah, it's cold. Your toes are freezing. I would much rather stay home, make some hot chocolate. Get the family together. Maybe we play a game of seen it on the DVD. You know, maybe we watch a movie together as a family. We light a fire, you know that. But outdoors, cold. And then when somebody breaks an arm, you go.
You know who that done that to? Someone who doesn't go out and live. Yeah. Come on. I think I've just been inspired to go skiing this weekend. There you go. I haven't been yet. Have a blast. I don't know how to put chains on my car, though. It's fun, Woods. You know what else? It's really fun at 11 o'clock at night when you're hiring someone at the gas station for $40 to put those on for you. It's super easy to put chains on. If you go, stay up there for the night. Because there's nothing worse than going all day, being exhausted, and then driving home. I'd like to get out of town. Yeah. Have a blast. I will. I heard a couple different news reports yesterday. The rain is definitely coming. Some said Friday morning. Some were even saying as early as tonight. But I would expect rain tomorrow and Saturday. And it's supposed to clear up Saturday night. But still be very cold all weekend. Unless Woods goes to Big Bear. In which case, he'll get stranded. Snowed in. 16 feet of snow in front of my door. Never mind, I'm not going. His hands will be shaking. He'll be trying to put on chains. He'll be like, perfect! You know that's true. Jamie will be out there doing that. I'll keep the car warm. Get those chains right. You'll have all five dogs around him. Yeah, I can't go here. We got five dogs. What am I talking about? Perfect. Just ever a prisoner in your own home? No, wow.
Do you know who that doesn't happen to? Yeah. What, being a prisoner? The idiot that doesn't get five dogs. Yep. See, I won't feel like a prisoner. I'll feel like, oh, this is so wonderful. Nice and cozy and, you know, here, not breaking anything, just being fat. Just feasting. Comfy. Warm. Get a trip and break a hip. Oh, boy. Doing my thing. 570-1949. M1 Gabby from Poway. Hi, Gabby. Good morning, Mikey. I was calling because I'm thinking of taking my 7-year-old up to the snow at whatever level you guys let me know it's going to be at. And I just wanted to get your input about taking children to the snow because I'm a little afraid because I'm one of those, oh my God, you're going to break an arm. But then I want her to see snow. She's 7 and has never seen snow. No, I'd take her. I would take her. Take her! I would take her. You know, we took Jake and Jake loved it. I didn't love it. My wife loved it. Jake loved it. I didn't love it. I thought it was wet. I thought it was cold. You do it for the kids. You know, well, there's other things that you can do. In my opinion, there's other things you could do for the kids. Well, let me put it this way. I do think that the kids need to experience certain things once. Yeah. All right. I'm glad mine's.
Out of the way. I've never put chains on the car, though, so I'm a little nervous. Oh, it's a blast. I don't think you'll need them if you're just going to go. You might. Why would you need chains if it's a weekend where the snow line is down to 1,000 feet? You need chains. Not only in Big Bear. You can go all the way out to Sunrise Highway, and still there'll be snow there. And you should always have chains if you're driving up in the mountain. Oh. Yeah. Go get chains, and they're super simple. All you do is you lay them across the top of the tire. What do you mean all you do? It's super simple. Where do you hook them? It sounds easy. Listen, if you're not a guy like Jay who is used to doing things that are handy, chains are not a fun time, okay? Pay someone $40. I would do that. Make sure they're done right. Take a tarp. Take a tarp and throw it down. You can easily do it. There's like two little clips. Jay, you have a gift that a lot of people don't have. You do, bro. You're able to do things that are handy. All right. That's what Kim said. You would just expect the crickets any time you talk. Oh, boy. All right. Well, thank you, guys. Thank you. Make my mornings better. Thank you very much. We hope you have fun. Good luck. Thank you. I'll put pictures up. Yeah. Hey, maybe you guys take the kids to Legoland again. It's going to rain, mister.
Are you just going to scream at me all the show long? Is that going to be your bit today? You should definitely go again. We have a season pass, Sienna, to go to Legoland. You know what? It's a good thing. Yeah. And he's like, maybe go to Legoland again. Stop being a monster with us. I know. It is time. You should definitely go. They like it. Oh, yeah. They love it. Yeah, they got the place memorized. Might as well just go there and blindfold them because they know how to get around. They love it. It's fun, yeah. You know what's fun? Going there for the 95th time. Hey, Mom, how about we go on the Lego Dinosaur for the 51st time? Never done that before. If it ain't broke. Should definitely try to hit that once, at least this weekend. Oh, stop it. They love it. It's better than sitting in the house. Luke in his head is like, kick ass. Jasper would go every weekend. I made a suggestion to Rebecca. about something that we could do for fun on a weekend, and she said she thought it was cool, but I think she was just being nice. What is it? What is it? I thought, why don't we take the kids to the Kobe swap meet? Oh. Walk around, look around at stuff. You can hate that. No. I've never done it, and I thought maybe they'd have fun looking at weird stuff. Or he's taking them to a pawn shop. My mom used to take me all the time to a farmer's market, but it was a swap meet type of thing.
I think Jake would like it. The twins are too little. They would just run around and be a nightmare, I think. Okay, kids, this is a drill. This was traded in for a 20-bag of crystal meth. This is a skill saw. Take him to a consignment store, Mike. Roller of the year. Hey, Mike, take him to the gun show. I know the gun show is going to be out of Del Mar. Why don't you take him out there? It'd be great. Take him to a brothel, maybe. I liked the swap meet, but... I don't know if they're the same out here. They would have the little snap things that you throw. Oh, yeah. I love the poppers. Jenna likes it, but she's older. Remember the things that look like twisted up, and you throw them, and they go pop. They have little rocks and gunpowder in them. Crackers. Crackers. And they sell those kinds of things at the swap meet. On the East Coast, they did. And the squishy, all kinds of weird stuff. Maybe it would be fun. Yeah, I liked it. We went. You didn't like it? No. How come? I think it was on a Friday. It was exactly the way Woods described it. It was people bringing stuff in on bicycles. Really? Just a bunch of crap. It was a bunch of crap. Buckets of crap. But granted, we went on a Friday, so it could be better on a Saturday. Yeah. How could it be better on a Saturday? I think there would be more people. Swap meat. Because Friday was great. Swap meat, baby. Baby! Make a couple of bologna sandwiches for one of the kids. Hey, baby, did you love that cooler?
And put an extra bologna in there, because last time it went bad. Baby, we're going to the swap meet and load up the kids. Now! Now! Did you bring them jelly and sugar sandwiches? They blow my damn horn! Don't tell me my business. Hey, baby. I got the jelly, but you done forgot the sugar last time. We ain't got no sugar. I ain't buying no brand name sugar. Put some Coca-Cola on there. It's the same thing. It ain't Coca-Cola, baby. It's that powdered candy. Oh, that's fine. Fun dip. I just want something sweet. It's fun dip. You put fun dip on the jelly sandwich if you don't got no sugar. Take the pieces with the mold out and use the rest. It's still good. Hey. Oh, I'm disgusted. Baby. Hey, baby. Why did I find... Bunch of C&H last week. I told you, don't buy brand name sugar. What that C&H? I don't know. I got whatever was on sale, honey. Baby, that's brand name stuff. It was on sale. I had a double coupon. Quit honking my heart. Don't tell me my business. You didn't have no coupon for that. You're lying. I didn't have a double coupon for the Sunday paper.
Buy Albertson's sugar. It just says sugar on it. Don't buy C&H. Okay, you're the only sugar I need. 45 cents more. I'm telling you, it was 17 cents less with a double coupon from a Sunday paper. I stole the neighbor's paper, too. Where's your Confederate flag bikini? Oh, it's hanging up in the yard. No, it ain't. It's hanging in the toilet. It's hanging in the bathroom. Who did that? Probably one of the babies. Billy Joe, boy, I'm going to whip your butt. It's probably the dog. Hang on. Let me call her. Cujo. Come here, Cujo. Got a dog named Cujo. Confederate bathing suits. I've seen it, actually. I've seen it. Grew up with it. Baby, let's eat frog this weekend. Baby, make me some squirrel. Make me a squirrel sandwich. I could go for some squirrel. Showing up. Go on them, man. Oh, boy.
I don't do that ass. I would love you to take your kids to a swap meet. It would be such good material. I don't think my wife liked the idea. She goes, oh, okay, okay. Okay, swap meet's different than a flea market? Yes. Okay, never mind. It is? Yeah. Swap meet, do you bring stuff to it? I think a flea market is where the little booths come in and it's like actual dealers where I think the swap meet is like, hey, let's take this. You trade something for something? Hey, you're like your ranch. I thought I was going to a flea market. See, that's what I was thinking. And then when he said bringing stuff on bikes, I was like, what? Oh, so you trade. And by the way, I'll pull the curtain back. I called Sienna. About two weeks ago, two, maybe three weeks ago, it was on the weekend. And I said, Sienna, I want to take the kids somewhere. And you were talking about something. I can't remember what it was. And Sienna's rocking her brain. She's even asking her mom. Mom, were you listening that I mentioned something on the air? Turned out, Kobe swapped me. That's what I was trying. And you didn't mention it. Wow. That's what it was. I said, the aquarium, they have like a seahorse special right now. She's trying to help like so hard. And I'm like, no, that wasn't it.
She's giving me every idea in the book. Her mom's with her. She's got her mom racking her brain. GW Tumbles. What about this? I'm like, no, that wasn't it. Turns out Kobe swapped me. And she never said it. She never said a word about Kobe swapped me. Sienna would be the last person. Well, I thought it was on the air. I thought she mentioned something on the air and that that was it. And it wasn't. Perfect. I mean, for the whole day, I was like, what did I say? Let's see. M1, Corey from Point Loma. I live right by Kobe Swap Me, and so we've gone a couple of times. Mike, your kids will hate it. Why? How come? Don't take them. Okay, first of all, Saturday is different than Friday. Friday is like, hey, let's pull up the RV and throw out all of our crap and see if somebody will get it. But Saturday, it's more like a flea market. LOV, you might like it because they do have, like, vendors. Black guys. Well, you know.
Oh, no. Oh, no. Fine. Fine. Luke will like it. There's some degenerates that you can hang out with. I would bring one kid maybe if you want to go or something like that. It's just I was trying to think of stuff. Rebecca likes it when I come up with stuff to do. Family activities. Little Italy has a really cool farmer's market on India Street on Saturday morning. But would the kids like it? Yeah, you know why? Because there's all kinds of, it's pet friendly, so they have pets there all the time. They have live music. They have a bunch of food. They would like it just because it's outdoors and you can walk around. It gets crowded, but they would like that a lot better than the swap meet. All right, well, I love you. Thank you, Corey.
All right. Bye. There's no parking, Mike. You'll be there and you'll be not happy. Hey, is that Mikey? What's up, dude? No, not that. A whole bit. There'll be a million people down there freaking you out. I don't care when people. That's a good thing. I'm just saying. Yeah. Wood's just like painting me into it. Yeah, Mike, there'll be people down there that actually want to meet you and you know how you are. You know how you get. You hate people. You hate people. Yeah, and you're not gracious. No, you're gracious, but you don't like crowds. No, I don't. I mean, that's fair enough. Fair statement. Yeah, but I'd be – the thing – Sienna, I don't want parking. I don't want parking. You don't know what to expect. When you go to something like that, you can expect Legoland and how that's going to be. Yeah. Yeah, they got a parking lot. Yeah. When I was in my performing troupe of Two Mermaids, me and my sister, we once performed at a farmer's market. as mermaids. So there's plenty for the kids to do. Please write that whole thing down. Oh, wow. Hey, good news, Sienna. SeaWorld trainers are back in the water with the black and whites. Really, really good news. They're easing back in right now because you know how about a year ago a trainer in Florida at the SeaWorld over there was killed after she was dragged into the water by an orca. Telecom was his name? Yeah, Telecom. Yeah.
And so now in San Diego and three other... A lot of girls' breasts are telicone. Or saline. Saline or telicone. Saline or telicone. But now in San Diego, they're going to start getting back in. The interactions with the killer whales are going to be small at first because right now they're not going in the water. But they're going to start in medical pools, small ones, that have these false bottom floors. So if something happens, they can be lifted out of the water immediately with these false bottom floors, which is cool. Oh, wow. Yeah. When we come back, Jay. He's so funny and just... Loopy. Look at his face today, Loopy. He has no clue. He has no clue. He has no clue what he did. Oh, you look so cute, Jay. Listen to me. Listen to me, M1s. Don't turn the radio. Do not. Don't turn the radio. Because we're going to delight you when we come back. M1 Elizabeth makes an interesting point.
On the fan page, she says, I'm up and listening today. I'm proud of the kids at La Jolla High. Those who get offended by their message need to open their eyes to the fact that there are things in the world that are more important than a birthday. Socially aware high school kids? Ooh, we can't have that. Might offend or make someone comfortable. The one day I listen, and all I want to do is turn it off. Now, I understand. I get the spirit of what you're saying. Elizabeth, I get the spirit of what you're saying. I think the spirit of what you're saying is that there are more important things than a birthday. And I do agree with that. But at a place that's designated for a birthday and for school spirit, lighthearted and fun, that's the only thing I have an issue with. Hey, listen, I believe that there's a, you know, that it might be a cool thing if. Some kids got together and they said, you know what? We want to have a place that's designated to make political issues. And they do. They said that La Jolla has a bulletin board for that. Yeah. And I would be OK even if they wanted it to be something more. Right. Maybe they thought the bulletin board wasn't enough. Yeah. And they said, let's make like a political a political wall, you know, and they built a political wall.
And on that wall, that's what you did. I don't have a problem with it. I mean, hey, dude, that's what makes our country our country. You get to do that. Freedom of speech. I know. There's nothing wrong with that. I know. I believe in that. Why are you pissed? I mean, that's such a nothing. I don't know. It's such a weak. It's a card that gets you out of everything. I can do whatever I want at the expense of everyone because it's a free country. I can say what I want. Well, they can. I know, dude. And I enjoy that. It's a school and they're trying to keep some peace. You've got to keep a semblance of order. It would be the same sort of uproar, I think, if they said, you know, impeach Obama or, you know, Sarah Palin is an idiot. You know, it's not necessarily because it's Iran. It's not necessarily. the forum. I mean, that's just not what that's for. It's opening a can of worms that the school doesn't want to be open. Yeah, but the thing is, I don't have a problem with stating your political feelings, and I don't have a problem with that. It's fine. I think that there's just a place to do it. It's like saying, vote for Obama at a pep rally. A pep rally is for school spirit, and you say, go Vikings or whatever. You don't bring that up at a pep rally.
And just because you do doesn't make you socially aware. Okay? It just doesn't. Yeah. And just because you sneak in the middle of the night and paint Freedom for Iran, that also doesn't make you socially aware. Do something about it. Don't paint something on a bench. Well, if the kids that wrote it were somehow attached to it, you know, if they had family or something like that, they're members of the Persian club. No, I could see them being like, okay, this is something that I feel is important to me. Now, if the school says once, that's not where we want it. They shouldn't go and do it again. You know, the school has said this isn't the place for that. Yeah. Yeah. I think that there are some people. Whom feel that it's a thing to rage against the machine. And unless you rage against the machine, you're not doing your part. Now, I question, what's your part? What is your part? Now, I believe that people have to have their part. We all have to have our part. And I believe that there's a place to say.
Yeah, freedom for Iran. Knock yourself out. I don't have an issue. Man, I don't have an issue with somebody saying, you know, go Islam. Go whatever. That's fine. It's just that if that bench is supposed to be for team spirit, you know, let it be for team spirit. Don't be a D. I don't know if they were necessarily being a D. I don't think they meant to. I think our own president would say, yes, we want freedom for Iran. We want them to have the democracy that we have. That's part of the reason why we have. I think they were stirring the pot. I think the proof in the pudding is that they did it again. The fact that they did it again, yes. There's proof of that. So our friend Jay, he's our producer. He's 47 years of age, and he is, and the technical word for it is something else. He is something else. Okay? The technical word. He's been diagnosed with it. He's been diagnosed as, have said, you are something else. Something else. It's a condition. Yeah. He is all hopped up on cough medicine. Oh, boy. It feels real good. Yeah. And yesterday, he wasn't really feeling that great. And we had...
An appointment as the Mikey show yesterday to go to lunch together at a potential client for the Mikey show. Now, one thing that you need to know about Jay is that Jay, you know, he's a crafty one, that Jay. And so he says to us after our meeting ends, and we're all getting ready to go to our cars and drive downtown to go to this restaurant together. Jay says, now you guys be honest. You ain't going to hurt my feelings. If you don't want me to be around you guys because I'm not feeling well and get y'all sick and spread my germs, you can let me know and I won't go today. And there was a pause. All of us, same face. All of us, same face. Like we all pause and we go, you freaking kidding? You? I had to keep asking different. Members of the show. Was he serious? Was he serious? He did. Was he kidding? No. He meant it as a get out, as a get away. It sure seemed like it would work. And it did not work on one of us. The worst actor in the world. He wasn't feeling well, wanted to go home. And I said later, I said, Jay, why don't you just say, dude, I'm really not feeling good, you guys. Is it okay if I go home? Yeah. But he spun it like on us. On us. Yeah, Woods, he was not acting. He was.
Dead serious. Yes, it was dead serious. It was acting. Dead serious. Oh, he was trying to get out of it, and he was trying to act his way out, but none of us were falling for it. During the entire meeting, he was thinking in his head, what would be the best wording so I wouldn't offend anyone? Y'all be honest, okay? You ain't going to hurt my feelings. That was the best. If y'all want me to kiss Katy Perry, let me know. All right? I'll do it. I will. You know, you ain't going to hurt my feelings if you want me to kiss Katy Perry. You ain't going to hurt my feelings if y'all want me to get a raise. Yes. Hey, Mikey, be honest. You ain't going to hurt me. You ain't going to hurt my feelings, but if you want me to join the Mile High Club, I will. I will. This weekend, I will. Okay? If that's what you... Now, and don't feel like you have to just sunshine or sugarcoat it. Yeah. If y'all want me to surf today, just say so. It ain't going to hurt me. I'll do it. Don't. If y'all want me to judge a bikini pageant, I will. I will. I'll take one for the team. I will. But be honest about it. Don't just say it because you're trying to let me hear what I want to hear. It ain't going to hurt my feelings if y'all want to vote me in as employee of the month. It ain't going to hurt me. Just let me know. I'm fine with it. Be honest. Be honest. Now, so dude goes home yesterday and he hops himself up on cough syrup.
OK. And then last night, one of the responsibilities that we have here on the show is to send Lauren our recap of what we did that day. And hopefully, you know, there's something interesting in it. And we talk about it on the air. Now, I am going to read you. And we we've marked Jay's email out on the actual printed recap. And we want to scan it and put it on the Facebook page. Wow. Let me see the actual. The actual recap. Did he just sell your teammate down the river? Man. I haven't even heard this guy. It's great. I don't even remember doing it. I knew he didn't. The subject, he did it at 8.15 last night, and the subject is recapped. Nope. Recaped. Try again. Recaped. Recaped. Recaped. We always just write recap. It's always the same. It's always the same. Woods writes recap bit, and then Sienna and Jay always write recap. Recap. Jay wrote R-E-C-A. P-E-D. Recape. Recape. Recape. Now, here's what his recap says. Cough syrup is the best. Five exclamation points. It's like watching the TV was all blurry. Watching is capitalized. It's like watching the TV was all blurry. Got home. Daytime cough syrup. Nap. In parentheses. No problem. No problem.
Why is no problem in parentheses? Got home. Daytime cough syrup. Nap. No problem. Dinner. Nighttime cough syrup. Off to bed. Exclamation point. This is real. It's real. We're going to scan it and put it on. MikeyShow.com and our Facebook page. Are you sure all you had was cough syrup? This last sentence, though, is the greatest. It's what caught my eye to read it in the first place. Oh, boy. I may have to get a Disney-ed driver to talk me to work. Talk me to work. Exclamation point. Wait. I may have to get... And by the way, Disneyted is capitalized. D-I-S-Z-N-A-T-E-D. I may have to get a Disneyted driver to talk me to work. Talk me to work. Exclamation point. Okay, here's what happened. Hey, where did you write that?
On the computer, I forgot until last minute. At an opium den. I'm thinking maybe on his phone it did like auto crack. No, he was at an opium den with a long pipe. And he was like, oh crap, I forgot to write my recap. That's unbelievable. Oh, wow. So I lost a little cup. that allows you to pour the cough syrup and ride them out. What kind of cough syrup? Did you buy it in Mexico? It's the Tylenol cold burst. It's so good. And I have daytime and nighttime. And I took a little and a spoon. It was a big spoon. I did a little bit, and I was like, okay. And I poured a little bit more. I was like, that's probably about right. And I was like, probably for good measure. Did you take some this morning, too? Yeah, I did. And then an hour later, it was time to go to bed. I'm like. I'm going to take the nighttime now. Oh, wow. He's like Elvis. One more time. Cough syrup is best. Five exclamation points. It's like watching the TV was all blurry. Watching is capitalized. Got home. Daytime cough syrup. Nap. No problem. Parentheses. In parentheses. Dinner. Nighttime cough syrup.
Then off to bed. I may have to get a Disney driver to talk me to work. I woke up and felt a little hungover this morning. I felt like you were at Woodstock. Normally everyone will send me their recap and I try not to read it because I like the element of surprise on the air. But I saw this one was out of the ordinary because it said recaped. I looked at it on my phone, and I thought it was going to say something about Disney. The word Disney did capitalize caught my eye. So I read the whole thing, and my mouth dropped over. Oh, wow. Matt goes, what are you reading? And I passed over my phone, and he goes, is this for real? I think he's all hopped up on cough syrup. Got home, daytime cough syrup, nap, no problem. Talk me to work. Talk me to work. Dude.
Just gold. It has to be framed. That's a Hall of Famer. That is a Hall of Famer. You guys can be honest. You ain't going to hurt my feelings. Y'all want me to go home and get in bed with a nice cold, with a nice warm fireplace burning in the background and just taking a nap? If y'all want to give me a back rub, it is okay. You're not going to hurt my feelings. You don't have to tell me what I want to hear. You can rub my back. Be honest. Be honest. If you want me to take this bottle of liquor and just go home, I'll do it. If you just want me to warm up some bourbon and drink it with cough syrup, don't. Hold back, Mikey. If you all want me to harvest that moonshine that's been brewing in my backyard. It's just been bubbling. Just taking it to the house. Just waiting for daddy to come home and drink her. Tell me, don't hold it back. Don't try to be a brave soldier or hero. Don't be a hero, Mikey. Mikey, don't be a hero. Don't be a fool with your life.
That's so great, man. Just tell me. Just tell me. I can take it. Yeah. I'm a gentleman. Oh, my God. I was running around the studio. I couldn't control my laughter. Oh, wow. He is something else. The moment of silence was what made it the best. Yeah. We all just looked. And then we were like, are you freaking kidding me? I was waiting for his laugh to go. It was serious. Okay. So this, I thought this was pretty good. Last night, I guess they were doing, last night on Idol, I guess they were doing The Beatles. It was Beatles night. And I liked it. They sang the song, Something in the Way. I would download this on iTunes. I think it was John Lennon. Like Sweet Honey. Those two guys are good singers. Both of them. That one looks like Transmissive. Isn't that good? I wish I could sing like that guy. I would do it all the time. Oh, yeah, yeah. I would do this all the time. Warm sound. Someone got sent home. That was like a favorite. He had a sad story. Yeah, it was Hoyle, and we'll have the audio of it. Oh, okay. Hoyle got sent home. Yeah. Rush Limbaugh, not a fan. He's chubby. I think he lost weight. Did he? I think he lost a bunch of weight. He's skinny now.
Take 70 Vicodin a day. I think that'll happen. That's what I've heard. I would know. So maybe not. Anyway, him and he was, what, making fun of Michelle Obama? Yeah, it's kind of been a thing all week. Earlier in the week, he just gave her a hard time. You know, she does her anti-childhood obesity. That's like her main thing. And, you know, she promotes eating healthy and wants healthy food in schools. But she was recently in Colorado, and there's pictures of her. feasting on some ribs and rush limbaugh gave her a really hard time and said the problem is and dare i say this it doesn't look like michelle obama follows her own nutritionary dietary advice then he goes on and just says you know she's sitting there eating ribs at 1500 calories a serving with 141 grams of fat per serving um just goes on and on he says she you know You'll never see her as a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. I mean, it's like. You know what really irritates me about that the most is that in moderation, you're okay. 80-20, come on. You just don't make a lifestyle out of eating ribs. Like I do. Yeah. If every picture that was ever taken of her, she's got ribs or something like that. But one picture, you're allowed to have ribs. It's okay. It's not going to screw you all up. That's what.
got me about it. I thought it was unfair. Let's see. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. So check this out. So remember how we said Larry King was going to go on Piers Morgan? You know, Larry left TV and Piers Morgan took over for Larry. So he goes on there and Piers Morgan asks Larry, you know, why did you criticize me in the media? And I'm sure Piers thinks, oh, I'm going to get real bold and I'm going to ask Larry. Why did you criticize me in the media? Larry ends up schooling him. Wow. Mess of the master, dude. It's next. Sienna, what's going on in news? Just an update for you with the New Zealand earthquake. The death toll has now risen.
to 98 people, and yesterday it was reported that about 300 people were missing. Now there's 226 people missing, and the outlook is not good for those that are still missing, but just keep your prayers, your thoughts for New Zealand and everyone going through that. Also, some sad news. One of the deadliest Catch crew members was found dead, 33-year-old Justin Tennyson. He was found in an Alaskan hotel room yesterday. They discovered some marijuana. There was alcohol in the room, and apparently there had been a party in that hotel room the night before. Crew confirmed the sad news on their website. They said that he died peacefully in his sleep, though. So I'm sure we're going to find out what more of the cause was, but that's just an update on that. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, sports is brought to you by Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot, get some. Carmelo Anthony made his debut last night for the Knicks. And played pretty well, man. 27 points, 10 rebounds. LLB, try to contain yourself. You know, just running down that tunnel, man, and them doing the welcome home video and the crowd just going nuts out there. So I will always remember this. That's right, man. He's off and running in New York. And this is an interesting story. You know, the Carnegie Deli in New York. Yeah. They have invented the Carmelo Anthony sandwich. It is $21.95, and it is a foot tall.
and is made up of corned beef, pastrami, salami, bacon, lettuce, tomato, and Russian dressing on rye bread. Oh, wow. Your mouth is watery. It doesn't even look like a sandwich. It's a foot tall. That's great. And then San Diego State has a huge game with BYU this weekend at Viejas Arena. There are already lines around the corner. Students are camping out to get in for this historic game. Never has happened. And what they're doing is they're doing in shifts. Friends will get together. A couple will go to class. The other will hold their place in line. They'll come back. The others will go to class. How rad is that? It's rad. It's like they're all camping out. They've been there for 70 hours. Oh, wow. Isn't that awesome? You hear about other schools doing that, but never. I mean, I went to San Diego State. That doesn't happen, and now this is the first time, and it's so great. Oh, my God. Barricades. Barricades. I guess that means we're not getting any tickets. No, we're not. We are not. Do you ever have those hostess? Pies. Oh, yeah. With the white frosting on the outside. The individual. Fruit pies? The fruit pie. Oh, yeah. Slate them. You know that. Look at that. Yeah. Look at that guy. Cherry. It's his best. Cherry pie in general. Cherry pie is... I love me some pie. It's perfect. I could feast on cherry pie. Me too. Where's Chris? Chris. Really? We're getting pie. Cross. Yeah. How about some pie? No pie. You're sitting out for pie, really? No pie. You can get some cherry pie. Come here.
If you get pie, I'm going to have to eat it. I'm going to have to get it. Can you go get some of the cherry pie, please? Oh, my gosh. Do we want whipped cream for this cherry pie? No. Not whipped cream. Ice cream. No. I'm not really that much of a pie fan. I love pie. Cherry pie is so good. It's so good. Like with the lattice. Are there pieces of cherry in it? Yeah, there are cherries in it. Candy cherries almost. I don't like those. He's going to get pie. Unless you guys want breakfast. I want pie. It's 7.06. I know. Breakfast. I want cherry pie. We're going to have pie at 7.30 in the morning. Is there a problem? Wow. When are you supposed to have pie? Thanksgiving. After dinner for dessert. For dessert, yeah. Late at night. Christmas, maybe? You know what? You guys are right. We better warm it. Got to warm it. Then it'll be breakfast. Warm cherry pie. I wish he would bring ice cream with it, a la mode. Okay. Jay's so disappointed in us. I wish it was a cafe and I was by myself with one slice of cherry pie and a coffee. No offense, guys. Wow. Wish she was by herself. Definitely taken. Definitely taken. I hate all of you. I wish I was eating pie. But you could eat the pie with a coffee here. With us. In a rainy cafe. But then we'd have to be here. No, in like a rainy little diner. You didn't hear her? I did hear her, but you're still going to get the same things. I said to her yesterday. Yeah.
Mike, don't. This is the best. You have to now. I go, why do you hate me so much? And she goes, you guys are just, you know. And I go, do you want me to put. You said it so like I wasn't expecting it. I go, do you want me to put my head under your tires? Don't do it. Don't, Mike. I'm doing it. It was a joke. I texted her yesterday. Nobody freak out. It was a joke. Why? I texted her yesterday. No way. Because I knew she hated me. Come on. No, she definitely does. I don't hate anybody. She definitely does. I'm sensitive. I said, she is. She is. And I try to. I do. I try to be nice. And so I said to her. Oh, God. It was a joke. You know my sense of humor. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I wrote, hey, if you want. I could just take a nap on the coaster tracks. You just sent that out of the blue? Yeah. After we all had lunch together. After we all had lunch together. Okay. And she wrote, stop it. I want you all dead. Not just you. Oh, my God. I was kidding. She's just having a good time. She's having fun. What did I do? She was just in a bad mood. I was just trying to make Mike feel better. That's right. I wasn't in a bad mood. I was just sensitive.
She was sensitive yesterday. Is this your monthly visitor? No. Hey. What? No. I don't ever want to know that. You don't want to talk about cycles or anything? Don't. I'll let you guys know next time. Don't. Never, never, never, ever. I like to know when the storm is coming. Can I have a question? Yes. You can have a question. Yes, you can have a question. You guys, I know. You probably won't know the answer, though, Sienna. You probably won't know the answer. But they say that women's cycles sink. Yes. Have you guys? We don't know. We don't talk about it. In my house growing up, they did. I think that's kind of fascinating. It is. And in college, it happened. I think it's kind of fascinating. I wonder what the biological reason behind it is. You send out the hormones and they send it out. I think it probably goes back to, because back before there was like... knowledge about what was happening they thought women were sick yeah maybe like bedridden so maybe it was a way for not all the women to be knocked out at different times they wanted all the women to be bedridden at once not because it's a biological thing it happens naturally it was a way to like since we've been on the show i haven't had a cycle because i was pregnant and had a baby and it takes a while so i haven't you guys have been just relax free for sienna that's right it'll be here soon though woods is uncomfortable
I still don't understand what it is. You don't want to know. I'm 35 and I don't get it. I know what it is. No, no. I get what sinking of the cycles means. I just don't know what a cycle is and I don't know what happens and I don't want to know. I don't know what the apparatus is for. I don't know how it works. I don't know where it goes. I don't know what it does. I don't want to know. Happens every 28. But I don't want to know. It's in preparation for a baby to come. You don't have to. I don't want to. It's in preparation for a baby. Thank you. We're all adults. What is the big deal? We can't help it. I don't understand. Shut up, Jay. I hate how Jay is such a hippie. None of us would be here if there weren't such a thing as a cycle. He has daughters. He's desensitized. You guys need girls, more girls. My dad has three daughters and still he's like, I don't want to hear about it. I don't think my dad cares. My girls like to freak me out. All right, Jay, I don't need to know anything more.
Now I know the hype up. I know. I'm sorry I did. Word of the day is dust. When you hear me say the word dust, between now and 10 a.m., caller number nine gets a UFC 127 pay-per-view and also a pair of either angel or anarchy sunglasses. So get ready. I told you, Piers Morgan had Larry King on and decided that he was going to be a tough guy with Larry. And he was going to ask Larry, why did you criticize me? You know, after I took over the show, why did you criticize me? In the meteor? In the meteor. I'm back with Larry King. Now, Larry, you did an interview with Radio 4 in England the other day. My country. You were in my city. And you said... By the way, the interview was about an opera. Well, wait a minute. I'm going to play you a clip from this interview. Go ahead. I don't give a crap. Whatever you want. He sounds like he hates Pierce. Pierce sounds like he hates Larry. Yeah. I think one of the problems they did was oversell it. He was going to be dangerous. He was going to be water cooler talk. Wait till you see me. I'm different. He's good. He's not that dangerous. So I think in cable and talk.
They might have been better off just starting quiet, and that's not Pierce's fault. Or maybe it is. I don't know the company. I'm not inside anymore. I like him. He's certainly not bad. He's certainly an acceptable host to ask good questions. Maybe he interrupts a little too much at times. I think the public might have trouble adjusting to the British. Now, Larry, look. I have spent the last few months saying following you is like following Frank Sinatra. I couldn't have paid you higher price. You'd go in my backyard and say I'm an oversold, undangered... I said he's fine. I thought you were fine. What you did was... Nervous laughter. Piers Morgan. Nervous laughter. What they did. Were you being facetious when you said I was dangerous? Was that an attempt at British humour? Let me ask you, how many of my shows have you watched? Now about eight. Oh, you have. By the way, props to Larry. You know what most people would have done? Lied. Yeah. And said, you know, I haven't really seen any. Maybe I saw a part of one, you know. And he's been completely honest. Yeah. Even before that. Yeah. I haven't seen you dangerous yet. I mean, I said you're capable, but what happens is, here's what I think. He's about to school Piers Morgan on how to be a host. Supposing. All right, we're going to do.
Four specials for CNN. First one's in April. We're still working on them. But suppose when I said, this first special will be the greatest special in the history of American television. The best. And dangerous. It's going to kill you. I can hardly come in and undersell me. I can't live up to that. Yeah, but we couldn't come in and undersell me. I'm following a legend. You can't follow Sinatra and Vegas and say, by the way, I'm not very good, and this is going to be useless. Why can't you just say, Piers Morgan, I'm coming, watch me. Piers Morgan starts next Monday. What's wrong with that? I suppose I've always oversold myself. I quite like doing that. It's quite funny. But then it's disappointing when you don't. Well, to you it is. It wasn't to me. I think it's been going quite well. See, like you told Letterman, you were going to punch me, right? Oh, that's not strictly true. Letterman said to me. My spy told me. No, Letterman said to me, I needed to punch somebody to get the ratings up. And I said, what if it was Larry? And we decided that punching you would not be a great move. Not be a great move. But now you've challenged me to be dangerous. What do you guys think of that? I couldn't agree more with Larry King. Yeah, ditto. This guy has come in, right? And he is replacing a legend. And you have to earn.
the title and you have to earn those stripes you know you can't just walk in and be like i'm the greatest and i'm the best and here i am and i'm you know i'm british so i'm funny well and everything he said about people adjusting to we do you do have to adjust to british humor and the accent and i feel bad for pierce morgan why because he's new at it He feels like he's digging, like he's constantly digging. Well, he doesn't, you know, for the network, he doesn't want the ratings to sink at all, I think. And I think by overselling, he's just, he wants to keep what Larry's done at the top. And he's trying, you know, and when you hear Larry say bad stuff about you, it's like, man, I'm just trying to keep your dynasty going. But Larry doesn't, you know, care. I'm with Sienna. If somebody had to replace me, Sienna. Yeah, Hoyle. We wouldn't miss you. What? It would be, you know, Blondie, you say all you want. Did I say that or did I think it? Listen, there was a guy named Gumbo Phillips in Mobile that had to replace me. Sounds like a legend. Little tiny shoes, huh? It ain't. What? Little tiny shoes to fill. They're big shoes to fill. Well, you're a diminutive person. They're more like booties. Yeah, they're like little booties. He does have oddly big feet, though, for his stature. You know what that means.
You know what it means. I don't have to say it. Big feet, big shoes. That's right. Big socks. Wiener time. No. I didn't say that. The creep in the next room played it on a recording. He's got it on a cart. It's your voice. He plays it on a cart. Got it on reel to reel. That's digital already. A long time ago. What the hell is digital? What does that mean? All computerized. That's what the reel-to-reel machine is, you dodo bird. No, no, no, no. That's taped. Whoa, that was fast. Holy cow. Pie just got here. That was five minutes ago, wasn't it? She's my chair of pie. Cold drink of water, such a sweet surprise. This is so good, it got some pie in my eye. She's my chair of pie. Chris, did you run? Wow. Now that's a good worker, I think. Yeah. He's amazing. He's amazing. Five minutes. You guys good with pie?
It'd be hard to fill his shoes, too. It's true. That is true. Yeah. Impossible. You guys know I got kicked off Idol? I know. You auditioned. I auditioned and made it to Hollywood. And then last night I got kicked out. It was really sad, man. How are you? I'm doing good. I'm glad to be here. And I think this is my night. Fantastic. What are you going to sing? I will be singing Celine Dion's song. oil henry come on come on come on uh the song titanic i don't remember the name of it but you know i'm just gonna sing it when we were together i missed you i feel you when we are together i know If we are Titanic, I think you are with me. If you are Titanic, you are near, far. Even the power of love. Good.
Sorry. When you got real soft, it was so beautiful. And the jump from one to the other was also really seamless. Thank you very much. Beautiful. You had great ups and downs volume-wise with your voice. Yes! I knew it! Where are y'all going? How come you're going to the corner of the room? I just don't want to tell him no. It's hard for me to tell him. You don't have to tell me no. J-Lo. You don't have to tell me now. I'm here. I'm talking right here anyway. You did it. Listen, you did the best way possible. Hey, you guys. And I think we were really real and we were really honest with you. I'm in the room. I think it hurts us all. You know what I mean? I can hear y'all. Like I said, I just don't feel like I told him in the right way. I don't know. Him is still here. I'm telling him no. It's Paul Henry. I'm right here. I can hear you. You said the just right, perfect words. So honest and truthful. Hey.
J-Lo. Randy. Guy from Aerosmith. I'm right here. You were great in that room. I was great or she was... Can y'all hear me? J-Lo. Buenos dias. Excuse me. Where y'all going? Okay, I don't want to do this anymore. You don't. Whoa. Wow. That was heart-wrenching, Hoyle. Freaking sad. Worst day of my life, man. I'm so sorry, Hoyle. Sorry, Hoyle. That chick from Aerosmith was so mean, man. That's not a chick. That was a dude. No, no, no. The one sitting next to Randy. The girl with the... Big mouth. That's a dude. It's Steven Tyler. He's a father, in fact. You were in radio for like 30 years. Rock legend. That ain't a dude. Dude looks like a lady, but he's not. I thought that was the whole reason that she wrote that tune, dude. It's a he. That's mean, man. Just dream on, dude. Whatever. It's the same old song and dance. Yeah. You just got to walk this way if you want to walk the road to success. You'll get back, Hoyle. You know, just keep your head up.
You don't want to miss a thing. You have potential. Just don't be crazy over it. It's amazing. Shut up. Don't make love in the elevator when you leave here, okay? You guys just going to force it? No. Don't make love in the elevator. You don't want to make love in the elevator because Janie's got a gun. That's right. It's like you're on a permanent vacation. You know, you got toys in the attic, bro. You got plenty of time. Yeah, Hoyle. You have toys in the attic, and they are a sweet emotion. There you go. That's good. You're picking it up. It's too bad they don't have a song called Force the Bit. You know, you're here today, which means you're back in the saddle again. Okay? Play that. Clap. Same old story. Same old song and dance. That's right. Get into it.
I'm sorry that you got kicked off. Well, back to your normal duties of sitting around here. It was racist. It wasn't racist. It was. Against white people. Against white people? Somebody on that panel don't like white people. Two people on that panel don't like white people. Oh, my gosh. The only one that liked white people was the girl from Aerosmith. The Mexican and the black guy didn't like them. Puerto Rican. Oh, that's a friend. Spanish. I tried to speak. I said, when is no cheese and whatever? Nothing. Maybe she was offended. Maybe I was offended. Maybe I was a victim of racism. Reversed. Could have been. Maybe you sue. I'm thinking about it. She clearly liked you, though. She was upset. She felt bad about it. It was a put-on. No. She's trying to put on that she liked me so that I would like her and I wouldn't sue her. Yeah. She is an actress, after all. She knows what she's doing. Talented one is that. She knows what she's doing.
She is talented. You've seen Made in America or whatever? Sadly, I miss that. Jiggly? Missed that, too. Jiggly? What's Jiggly? She went with Ben Affleck? Jiggly. The Wedding Planner. Jersey Girl. She plays the same Mexican actress in every single one of them. Wow. I can say what I want now. She was good in Selena. I'll give her that. She played a Mexican. It's Mikey's favorite movie, actually. Selena. I liked her in Enough. Yeah, Enough was good. What about... I think are probably her best one. No, I'm thinking of Rita Moreno. Monster-in-law? Was she in that? She played that serial killer hooker? No, that's Monster. That was Charlize Theron. She's in the one with Jimmy Ray where they had that real intense sexualized scene. No, that's Billy Bob and that was Monster's Ball. Wow. And Halle Berry. That was Halle Berry. Different person. Yeah, whatever. Maybe do your research. She was in that animated movie with Sully. Oh, no. Jungle Book. Monsters, Inc. All right. Jungle Book. If you go to Facebook.com slash Mikey Show, we put the worst pictures of ourselves that we could find. And you can see them. They're embarrassing. They're of us here on the Mikey Show. And you can go look at them.
They're embarrassing. And make fun of us. Yeah. Let's see. Oh, man, have I got a doozy for you. It's about a kid that's obese. Oh, weird. Speaking of cherry pie. It's going to roast me up real good. So we get that email, and then you want to hear a little boy call 911 because he runs out of toilet paper? We got it. We'll do that, too. Your voice be heard on the Mikey show now. Lauren. One of the reasons I don't like paper plates. Wasteful. Woods. I'm a butt grabber. I'm a boob grabber. Zienna. Why I keep the antibacterial hand gel in my purse at all times. And Jay. There's no doubt in my mind there is only one soulmate for everyone. On FM 94.9. We rode on horses made of sticks.
What movie, Woods? Tarantino. Something Tarantino. Yes, sir. Kill Bill? That is correct. Never seen it. Just a guess. Never saw it. You're looking at me like I'm an alien. Can I pay you? To see it? With me. How much would it take? $60. Really? That's awesome. Really? That's so rad. That's so rad. Sienna's shaking her head. I've never seen it. What do I get? I got a part-time job. You got a part-time job. Movie Watcher with Mikey. This is unbelievable. 60 bucks. I wonder if I could package it with another movie. Yeah, you can get two for 60 bucks. I'll watch it for 40, Mike.
It's different. It's not like that. Let me just suck the exhaust. You're not his best friend. I'm not his best friend. Woods and I are not close friends. You guys are besties. You're in love. You guys have necklaces of half of a heart. It says BFF forever. We're not best friends, but I think it's friendly to watch a movie. Do you have a best friend? No. I have several. Yeah. I consider Mikey one of my best friends. Yes, you're one of my best friends. But you just said you don't have any best friends. I don't have a best friend. I don't trust people. I have trust issues. Why? It's not like anyone's ever betrayed you. You have any sort of reason. Lighten up. I adore her. She's the greatest. Isn't she the greatest?
I'm writing that down. That I adore you? No, but I should. I'm dorky on that thing. I do. Can't help it. How about the kid and Jay? What are we? And Chris? Job living over here? Job living? What, you got me on the pay no mind list, kid? Yeah. You shouldn't write me on the pay no mind list? You are one of his besties. He just said he's going to pay you to watch a movie with him. Yeah, come on. It's kind of sad, isn't it? Clearly. Kind of. Minus the kind of. I need the dope. 60 bucks. For Kill Bill. Are you really going to pay him? A hundred. I don't know who's sadder in this deal. I know. Me for being a D or him for paying? Yeah, I feel like I'm hiring a prosecutor. You kind of are. You can do a lot worse than me, my friend. Okay? I know. I know. All right, here we go. He's a cinemostitute. A cinemostitute? That's freaking brilliant. Cinemostitute. All right, here we go. Jay Leno with a little kid calling 911 because he didn't have any more toilet paper. Sheriff's Office, who? Hello, Sheriff's Office. Hi. Hi, how are you? Good. What's your name? David. How old are you, David? Good. What are you doing today? I'm in the bathroom. You're in the bathroom? Is there a problem, David? I need toilet paper.
What's the problem? I need toilet paper. Where do you live at, David? Mommy, I accidentally called somebody. I accidentally called somebody. That's cute. Poor kid. Not poor kid. Why is there a phone in there? What do you mean, not poor kid? Not poor kid because his mom said, what are you doing? He goes, I accidentally called someone. What was that accident? I was pulling the Mikey bit when I broke off the thing in the... Someone put a twig in the key slot. Yeah, yeah. Someone. I did it. Somebody tried to pick the lock. Yeah. M1 Cara is on the line from North County, and you're upset at your husband? Yes. Why are you upset at your husband? Well, this year he had seen one of the models that was in Sports Illustrated. One of his friends showed it to him, and he decided that he had to have it. for the first time ever, subscribe to Sports Illustrated so he could have more pictures of this one particular girl. If it's the latest one, I don't blame. Yeah. And this is your husband. Yeah, exactly. So I feel like, I mean, it's so insulting. This one girl, so everybody knows that he's not happy with me.
So he has to look outside of our marriage for pictures of this little blonde girl running around in a swimsuit. All right. Now, I want the guys that are listening right now to try to do something for me. Take out of the fact, try to remove the fact that right now you're saying to yourself and you're rolling your eyes and you're going, oh, Kara is a beating. I know that there are many men that are thinking that. But what if she's right? What if she wants to be his? Isn't that what women want? They want to be like your? Your pinup. They want to be your pinup. Exactly. Yeah, and Woods just gave me the all. I don't think that guys would marry their pinup, though. What? I did. Jay did. I did. Absolutely. Okay. Woods. Well, don't be doing bits. I'm just saying. And not include me. Don't most guys like the, there's like an element to the pinup girl, usually, which is not someone you would want to introduce your mom to. No. Oh. Well, isn't that on the Sports Illustrated? Like in Penthouse, yes, but not Sports Illustrated. That's what I was going to say. Like in the same thing, yeah, of, you know, Penthouse? I guess I'm thinking. No. Just because. No, no, no, no. What I'm saying is, is that if that's her point, if that's Sienna's point.
You know, that would be the same. You could say the same thing about a dirty magazine. It's not somebody you'd bring home to mom, but somebody that you want to have sex with. But that's not the case with the SI girls. They're different. You wouldn't want to have sex with a girl from SI. Well, yeah, I would because I'm not ridiculous. But yeah, he'd want to take her home to mom. And, you know, the girls in SI, they got class. They're classed up. Yeah, they're classy. Yeah, the girls in penthouse. Speak with them. No, but you can tell that they're classy. You can tell that they're classy. The girls in Penthouse, you're like, all right, if I ran India, I'd run India, and that's it. What I've always heard is you can get your appetite anywhere as long as you come home to eat. That's such a great point. SG&T? It sounds good, not true. It's one of those things that just rolls off the tongue. You say it, it just sounds so good when you say it. It doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you have your meal at home. Boy, that's just what I call SGNT. Sounds good, not true. Because what happens is that you get your appetite all worked up and then you definitely want to have a little something. So you go home and you have it. And then...
You just keep checking those things out, man. You keep checking them out. You keep having those appetizers. You're like, you know what? I'm looking at that appetizer. Now, that appetizer is a jalapeno wrapped in bacon. It's a jalapeno wrapped in bacon. Now, at home, I got the entree. I got, like, filet mignon at home. Yeah. But, gosh darn, that bacon smells good. Oh, man, that smells good. Oh, man, those jalapenos look good. Ooh, now I'm hungry. I'll go home. I'll have my filet. Yeah. And then the next day, it's another appetizer. It's mozzarella sticks. Oh, wow. That looks good. Oh, that smells good, too. I can't have it, though. I can't have it. Here's a thought. Maybe I don't subject myself to the bacon-wrapped jalapenos because they do smell good. And I'm going to have filet mignon every single day. So I need to make that filet mignon as exotic and different as I can every day. And by the way, I'm a Vienna sausage. She's got to make me exotic and different every day. I think you've given yourself credit. I am. I am. I am. It's a little bit different in my mind if it's a celebrity. It's not like he's ever going to.
Be with this girl. No, but what if he meets somebody that looks like her in the office? So by your deal, you're saying we can't find women attractive. Or we shouldn't. No, no, no. You're comparing apples and oranges. It's steak and steak. Or it's whatever you want. Yeah. Because it's all the same. Oh, no, it isn't. Oh, yes. It's different. They're all snowflakes. They're all a little. I don't believe that for a minute. Really? I think I've got the best snowflake at home. It's like I can look at other snowflakes. So do I. Yeah, there you go. So it's like I can definitely look at a girl and go, oh, my gosh, she's beautiful. But I don't go, gosh, she's so much more beautiful than Kim. There's no way. It just doesn't go that way. Right, because you don't know them. And what you fall in love with is not just how they look. Right, but you don't. Having sex and falling in love is two different things. No, no. But I'm saying that you can appreciate a good-looking, hot woman. Absolutely. You absolutely can. And really, you should. Because if you don't, you're kind of weird. Dude, you're 100% correct. And I absolutely do appreciate good-looking women. There's no doubt about it. What I don't do is I don't plant a stake in it and make camp there.
Sure, like subscribing to Sports Illustrated. Or, yeah. Because I know myself. Why does that seem harmless, though? SI seems a little bit harmless. Because you're desensitized. Because now it takes donkeys and interracial. That's true. Fair enough. Fair enough. You're right. I love just something. They're like, oh, yeah, look at her. Oh, yeah, look at her. But it's one thing. She said that he's going out and buying magazines or whatever with the same girl. So it's the same girl that's. becoming the problem. Something's floating this boat. And Kara, I missed it. How did you find out about it? Well, he's on the phone. How often does he call one of his friends at work? He calls him, particularly, he gets home, he calls one of his buddies and says, you have to see this chick. You have to. So the fact is, I don't look anything like this girl. She's pretty much the opposite of me. I guess maybe if she were, you know, like a... 10-year younger version of me, then it would be okay. Maybe you send us a picture. No, boy. I totally see where she's coming from. I can see it. I can see where she's coming from. Why would he do it on the phone? He made a big deal. Yeah, you can say she's hot. Your husband's a moron, number one. You don't make a big deal. I have this little thing lately. I have a crush on Brooklyn Decker, and I think she's the most beautiful woman that's a celebrity out there. When we rate celebrities, I'm like, Brooklyn Decker. And I've said it a couple times at home like, man.
She'll get you. I know. And my wife looks at me. She'll look at me and be like, really? With the Brooklyn Decker again? And I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know who Todd's number one is. Who? Rachel McAdams. He thinks she's so cute. Me too. But if you were, you know. If you were buying every cover with Rachel McAdams, I'd be like, okay, take it easy, buddy. If he had her in his man cake. Yeah. If I heard him on the phone saying, dude, have you seen Rachel McAdams? I agree. I'd be like, stop. And here's the thing. you can always really tell who you are a lot of times by looking at the history on your computer. Fair enough. Okay? So, here's the deal. With my wife, I know that her guy is, she's got a few. And I know who they are. She's told me. Who are they? She thinks Eminem's pretty sexy. She also thinks that... Brad Pitt is pretty sexy. And then who's the other one? Matthew McConaughey. Yeah. Charlie Butler, Bradley Cooper. Bradley Cooper. It's Eminem and there's some other guy. Skittles? It's not Skittles. It's somebody like Eminem. She'll probably call and say, oh, I'll tell you who it is. And she knows that for me, there's two women I think are beautiful.
Lauren and Sienna. Lauren and Sienna. Yes. Smart move. Scarlett Johansson. Oh, mama. And Allison Hannigan. That's your random second choice. It's the most freaking weird. It's really weird. You are so weird. Yes, that's the girl this one time at band camp. Yes, you are so weird. She's, I mean, obviously didn't look too hot in that movie. No. And she's pretty. She's playing a character. She's pretty. I'll give her that. But when you've got, that's your top choice. Yeah, she's a top two for you. I think she's beautiful. I mean, if you... Now, be one thing, though. If I came home and Rebecca is buying copies of Rap Life magazine. And I'm like... What's wrong with that? I'm like, hey. I know it's cute and everything, but what are you doing here? I agree with you, and I agree with her. Just like if she came home, And she checks the history on my computer, and it's Allison Hannigan, images. Allison Hannigan, images. Allison Hannigan, images. It's cute for her to say or for me to say, but I ain't going to plant a stake in it and camp there. Absolutely. And him making – he's not real bright because you don't make a huge deal out of something. You call your boy and be like, oh, my God, you've got to see this. Hey, can we take a couple calls with you on the line, Kara? Sure. Okay. M1 Jackie from Kearney Mesa, are you there?
Yes, I am. What did you want to say? I want to tell Kara, first of all, I love her name. Number two, if you guys have been married like five to ten years right in there, he's looking to spice it up. He would never admit something like that. I think he's psychosomatically or subconsciously trying to say something. I think she needs to go away for a weekend. Get out of town. Have him miss her. When she comes back... Have that new little nighty thing going on. Maybe fix her hair different. Do something a little different and make her like blonde. No, no. Never try and copy. That's always a bad idea. Wait, wait, wait. Wait a second, Jackie. Yes, sir. If he likes blondes, why doesn't she become the object of his fantasy? No! Dye her hair? Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. I'm just saying, you know what? She can freaking put on a blonde wig. No. I would. No. I would put on a blonde wig for Rebecca. If Rebecca said, if Rebecca said. Nobody photoshopped Mikey in a blonde wig. Hey, listen. I am. Kara, I am down for you. Don't listen. Going out.
And getting sexy lingerie. And I'm down for you, like, doing it up. Whatever he wants, do it up. No. He's not saying a blonde wig. He's not saying he wants a blonde. He thinks this girl's hot. And it doesn't matter. He married you for you. You be yourself. Maybe you do this, though. Maybe you talk about it. Listen, if Rebecca said to me, hey, babe. It would really turn me on if you did this. Okay, cool. If you were different than who you are? Yeah. You came in with a bleach blonde thing and you had to walk in the room and go, I can't tell you what it feels. Listen, I can't. I can't. Listen, I shaved my head because I can't grow hair. But if she said, hey, I like that Eminem fashion style turns me on. Guess who would be going to the freaking. Heck yeah. You're crazy. Guess you'd be wearing sweatsuits and adidas. No. Don't be somebody else. Velour. Be yourself. I'm not losing any. Listen, she's not saying to me. She's telling me she wants me to put on a different clothing item. Who cares? So you're going to change your entire style? I'm not going to change my entire style, but I'll mix it up. That's weird.
I think I agree with Jackie that she could go away for the weekend, make him miss her a little bit, come back just in a good mood, feeling good after you've been out with your girls for the weekend or something. I agree with that, but don't put on a wig. That's the thing you want to do is leave your husband who's obviously in on some other girl leaving for the weekend? You trust your husband and you know he's not going to cheat. If you don't leave because you're worried about that, something's wrong. I'm still tripping out about how it's like why it would be wrong if I did something that would turn my wife on. It's one thing to be like, Oh, okay, I have a fantasy schoolgirl or something like that. Yes. Okay, we all know this is some sort of role-playing game fantasy thing. But to be like... Change how you look. Change how you look? Permanently? Yeah. No, you don't have to do it permanently. Okay, but to change how you look and how you carry yourself out in the world outside of that one night is for somebody else? Well, here's what I'm suggesting. I'm suggesting... Going, hey, listen, makes you happy. I'm in. What about your happiness? Yeah. Have you ever seen Legends of the Fall with Brad Pitt when he had the long blonde hair? Yeah. Rebecca says. Are you going to start looking more like that? Yeah. Rebecca says to you, I want you to wear a long blonde wig and ride up on a horse and then slay me. Are you going to do it? Yeah, Woods. I'm going to go. Nobody photoshopped Mikey in a long blonde wig on a horse either.
Yes, Woods. You will? Yeah. I'm going to go buy a horse. Well, it'll be a burrow. Are you going to ride up on a burrow? Hey, if it makes you happy. Yeah, that's what you're saying. No. No. He needs something that's in your reach. All right, well, what are the rules? What are the rules? We'll write them down. Long blonde wig would you wear? Long blonde wig. I guess you draw the line. at buying livestock for your home. Okay, what about a long blonde wig? Would you write a rap song and dress as Eminem? Yeah. Yeah. I can't tell you what. In the bedroom? Yes. Yes, I would. Right now, it's like a night in my windpipe. Would you buy the car that he drives in that commercial? Is it a Chrysler? Yeah. I can't look at you. I'm telling you. Imagine Mikey rapping. I'm telling you, I would say to my wife, I go, you're going to die laughing. It won't be sexy. It's not going to be sexy. You're going to laugh. And if she was like, babe, I'm telling you. It doesn't matter. I would say to her, babe, that's going to look really stupid. I would say it. And if she goes, I'm telling you. There's something very single white female about being like, you like that girl on the cover? I'll put on a blonde wig. It's so creepy.
No, there's something very awesome about, I'll do whatever you want. No. I belong to her. Oh. I belong to her. Okay, but you also belong to yourself. Yeah, and what I'm trying to suggest to you is maybe we put ourself aside sometimes. And change your physical appearance? Yeah. What does she want to do to bleach your goatee? I would say, babe, it's going to look really goofy. She'll say, I don't care. I love blondes. You can't grow hair on your head, but you can on your face. I would be offended. I'd try it. I'd be offended. But I'll tell you what would be great is if I could do it where it's like a goatee wig for the day. If you were my husband and you were like, you know what would be so hot? If you dyed your hair black. I'd be like, cool, thanks. So, A, you don't like me for just who I am and who you fell in love with. You want me to change my appearance. You're that shallow. And B, who have you been looking at with black hair that you now want me to look like? So next week it's going to be redhead? M1 Cara? M1 Cara, are you there? Uh-huh. I'm going to take some calls off the air, and I'm going to let you listen in, okay? Okay. And me and L.O.B. are going to do role play. Oh, boy. Not the schoolgirl thing that I was talking about. No, exactly what you just did. But we should definitely do that later. Exactly what you just did. Okay. Let's, okay, so, hey, babe.
What would you think about dyeing your hair black? I don't really think about it. Why would I do that? I have blonde hair. Because I think it looks hot. That's great. You didn't marry a blackhead. I know you're not a blackhead. You're a whitehead. You're a whitehead. Raven-haired beauty. You didn't marry a raven-haired beauty. That's right. I married a blonde beauty. But listen. Yeah. But I was picturing you. With black hair. That would be cool, huh? I think it would be hot. For Halloween, we'll do that thing. I can be like Megan Fox or something like that or Elvira. Nah, I don't want Megan Fox. I want you, but I want you with black hair. But I don't want that. Why? Because I have blonde hair. I don't want to dye my hair black. I look like an idiot. Well, then what about a wig? A wig? Yeah, we'll have fun. A wig? Yeah. I'm not getting a wig. Yeah, but if you get a wig, you keep your blonde hair.
Put a wig cap on every day and wear a wig. Am I supposed to be wearing this to work or just around the house? No, no, no, no. Not even around the house. Maybe we get some lingerie and we have a little fun. And you want me to put a black wig on in the bedroom? Be sexy. I think it's kind of weird. Why? Because I'm going to put a wig cap on. What if it falls off in the middle? We're not going to have an 8 and 10 o'clock show, sweetheart. It's just me and you. What does that even mean? That means we're not going to have an audience. I know, but what if it falls off and I've got a wig cap on? I'm not going to feel sexy. I'm going to feel weird and itchy and not myself. Okay, babe. What if I consult a wig expert so we figure out how to keep the wig on? Okay, but still, I'm not going to feel like myself. I want to feel sexy. If I have a black wig on, I'm going to feel silly and ugly. Okay. All right. Well, I guess don't. Now, here's what happens. Now, dude, he's fixated on brunette girl. Same concept. Reverse it. Now, you want something from me. Let's reverse it. You want something from me. Like for you to do something physical to yourself? No, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Get a tattoo. Pretend he doesn't have them. But that's permanent. Oh. I'm not asking for something permanent. I'm not saying, hey, babe, I want you to get, you know, I want you to get a pair of boobs tattooed on the side of your neck. You know what I mean? Go ahead. So, babe, you know how I have that thing for firemen? Yes. I always have. Yes.
Will you get a fireman's uniform for the bedroom? It's going to look... First of all, where am I going to find a miniature fireman's suit? You can get one tailored, right? Kids Halloween stores. You want me to wear a child's... Yes, go in the hefty section. Wait a minute. You want me to go in the child's hefty section and get a fireman's outfit? It's husky. Oh, husky. Sorry. Guy in our bedroom. Hang on a second. I thought the deal is you like the whole fireman thing, but don't you kind of like the real fireman look? Because I'm going to be wearing a plastic shirt. No, no, no. You can get like an authentic one. We could probably order it online. Have it made. Get a tailor. eBay, maybe. You have a tailor. I'm going to look like a dum-dum. No, it'll look sexy. Are you sure? What if you laugh? We laugh all the time, though. I'll try it.
Mike, you may have sold me. That was a stupid exercise, though, because I would never ask you to do that. Right. If you did, I have no problem with it. But I wouldn't. And the reason that I don't have any problem with it is because, listen, I wish you would have had that conversation with me the first way you did because you were really putting up some real... You were really challenging me when you did it the first time. And I love those challenges because I got answers for them. It's not me. Don't you love me? Yes, I love you. She's challenging you because that's how she really feels. And I'll tell you. Yeah, I know. I know. And I love those challenges. I would say flat out, babe, we have approximately 40 years left together. Okay? Wow. You get one flavor of M&M and it's me. Now, I realize that you love this M&M. You love having this M&M, but you're never going to get another flavor of it. We should try to make the best of that while we have – because it's good. But what we should do is we should try to make it as spicy and fun as we can so it's got longevity. Like bondage or – Does that – like you're hitting each other? Yeah. I don't want to get hit. Light spanking. I don't want to get hit. You don't want to, but I want to. I don't want to get hurt though. I'm not suggesting you – We'll have a safety word.
Like the Palomino thing? Like I go Palomino and then you stop? Sure. If that's a word you want, we can do that. Is it going to hurt? We'll try it. See, I'm not suggesting anybody hurt anybody. Like that, I'm not. Now it's hurting. Now she's getting into a weird area. It's just light spanking. But when you're talking about the wig and the flavor of the M&M, I think I'm more on, I get what you're saying now. Do it at home. You would never wear a blonde wig. Never. You know what? I never get tired of M&Ms. My M&M is delicious the way it is. I don't think I would wear a wig, but when someone said something like, oh, I think you should dye your, I don't know. Listen, I'm going to tell Rebecca. It's going to look so stupid, me in a fireman outfit. It's going to look stupid. And if she still wants that fireman outfit, you got it, baby. The fireman outfit was Woods' idea. I think something more permanent would be, what if I want you to get a blonde toupee? Pierce your nipples. Again, I will say to you, I will say to you, babe, it's going to look dumb. Well, that's what we would think, too. That's what they're thinking. I'm going to look ridiculous. And who are you now slaying?
Why aren't I good enough? Why do I have to be raven haired now? Wait a minute. Do you think that I'm having sex with somebody with this hair color in your mind? No, no, no. You want to. You want to. Oh, yeah, I do. You. No, but you're pretending. As a brunette. And the wig just takes that pretending up to a new level. Maybe you just go to the laptop. Oh. Oh, wow. That doesn't hurt your wife. Agreed. I see both sides in this argument. Just go to the laptop if you need to. If it's that intense that it needs to be satiated, just go check out. Don't let us know. I don't want anybody but you. You don't have to have that girl. Just watch that girl. I'm not really having her. Just taking care of business. Plenty of blackheads on there. Just going to war. Mike and Rebecca tonight. I want to hear your rap.
I want to make you happy. Do what you want. I want to be your husband. I want to do things crazy. Rebecca, I think your wife just turned off the radio. Please stop. Get Rebecca on the phone. And when we come back, we'll see where she stands with all of this. No way she's answering. No way. She'll answer. No way. My wife is a badass. One opportunity. And the reason that she's a badass is because she says, babe, whatever you want. Whatever you want. Yeah. And I say the same, whatever you want. Now, the truth of the matter is, she doesn't want me to wear a blonde toupee. Doesn't she? No. But if she did, your boy would be going out and finding a blonde toupee. You look like Maury. My wife is on the line. Dead man. Dead man.
Sienna, what's going on in news? We're going to talk to Rebecca here in a second. Well, yesterday the governor in Hawaii, Neil Abercrombie, signed legislation to allow Hawaii to become the seventh state to allow civil unions for gay couples. That will be effective January 1st. Also, did you know that most American pets are a little bit... Too fat. They're overweight. There's new data from the Association for Pets Obesity Prevention. Probably because we feed them food off the table. Oh, my gosh. They eat everything. And it says that more than half of the country's dogs and cats are overweight. One-fifth are actually obese, meaning they're more than 30% above normal weight. And, you know, you're really putting your pet's health at risk. So it's our fault as an owner of pets to feed them better. Meow. And want them. Rough. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, Tiger Woods is not Tiger Woods any longer. He was knocked out of the Accenture Match Play Championship yesterday by Thomas Bjorn. And, dude, he had the match and just couldn't pull it off. I guess the middle part of the round was pretty darn good. I was hitting every shot I wanted to hit. Got myself back in the ballgame, took the lead. Was it a ballgame? Two easy up and downs on the back nine I didn't make. Putt at 17 I should make every time. Didn't do that in a ball I should have put in play on 19. And, consequently, I'm out of here.
He is out of there. Also, the NFL Combine starts today, and you'll see Cam Newton out there slinging heat, and you'll see some of the other top, supposed top picks, Nick Fairley, Daquan Bowers, Marcel Darius. It's paradise for her. And then also, last night in the Encinitas Little League, the Braves mounted a comeback in 1-6-4 after falling behind 4-0 in the early innings. Clutch performances by Jake Neufeld and Blake Miller, and Steele Coleman sealed the victory. The Braves are now 2-0 under first-time head coach, the Kid Woods. Really stretching it now. My boys. Very proud of them. My wife is on the line. Hi, honey. Hi, babe. So have you heard any of what we were talking about this morning? Yes. I'm a little embarrassed. Why? Of you in a blonde wig wrapping. You know I'd do it. Oh, I know. But see, you wouldn't ask me that because you would think it was stupid. Right. But you also know that if you wanted me to do something that wasn't stupid, I'd do it. I mean, as long as you didn't think it was stupid. Yeah, I do. Now, what are your thoughts on me asking you to do stuff?
Well, first of all, if my mom's listening, please turn off the radio. Oh, my gosh. Good point. We're a married couple with three children. No. You know, I'm totally fine with it. And I just, I don't know. It doesn't make me uncomfortable. It doesn't make me feel like, you know, you are interested in something or someone besides me. I can't really explain it. I just, I know that. I know that you love me. I know that our relationship is solid. And I know that as long as it's within my overall comfort zone, I just want to make you happy. Yeah, and that's how I feel about her. And as she said, as long as it's in her comfort zone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, listen. Would you wear a red wig? Yeah, I absolutely would. Now, I'll tell you one thing. I mean, just recently, you know, you guys had those ladies in that do the... Oh, yeah. Photography. Yeah. And that's something that, you know, it's outside of my comfort zone in the sense that, you know, I'm not really a I'm a pretty modest person, you know. But Mike said that that's something that he would really, you know, like for me to do. We all would. And it's something that I feel comfortable, you know, I feel comfortable putting myself out there.
because it will make him happy. So, you know, I'm going to do that. And... Love her. I love her. She's the greatest. I love you, babe. I love you too, hon. All right, honey. We all have different comfort zones. It's not. Listen, you heard me talk about it. I think it's pervy. Yeah, I think it's pervy. I think it's pervy. It is pervy. It's also pervy with my wife. And you know what? With my wife... I want to be as pervy as I want to be. I want to hear that conversation. It's my wife. I got to go. Honey, I got to go. Honey, tonight, can you, let's see, I'm going to need you in the red wig tonight. Yeah, I think it would be odd to say, I'm going to need you in the red wig tonight. Well, how would you bring it up? I'm going to have you in the red wig tonight. I don't know. You know what? If that's your guy's thing, if that's the way you guys roll, fine. Yeah, and if it's... If everybody's okay with it, then fine. I mean, I'm not even married, so who knows? Maybe six years in, I'll be doing really strange things, too. You already are. Maybe six days in. You already are. There's so many things that were just said. Just, you know.
Knock the dust off of the wig. Yeah. Shake it on out. I actually have a little orange wig at home if you want to borrow it, Mike. No. It looks like something you'd wear to a rave. Not orange. Like the fifth element? Not orange. Not orange. Okay. It's strange. It makes sense to do like Leia buns or braids or something like that. Oh, yeah. That sounds good. Princess Leia? Yeah. That is in fantasy. Doing something with like just a wig is like. Trying to be somebody, like a real person. No, I'm not. I wish that you would take that. What? That call. It's these Indian credit card people that call me. It's Jamie. Put it on. Put it on speaker. Don't do it. They'll call back. They'll call back. I wanted you two earlier. They've called me twice. It's Jamie's old credit card with her ex-husband. They call me 50 times a day. Are you able to put it on speaker? Yeah, you can call that number if you want.
And tell them you're me. And ask why they call me all the time. Please press one with your account information. No, you don't need to. Will they call again? If they don't, you can call that number. Maybe we try them at the break and record it. They call me all the time. I'm like, it was my wife's ex-husband's credit card. Why are you calling me? Every day. Hello, Mr. Vood. So great. So we said that we were going to talk about CNN. It's not a big deal. It's a big deal. It's a big deal. Sienna, tell us – we'll dive in. Tell us what you told us yesterday. Well, I didn't – I was just saying it thinking I was talking to friends. I'm crazy. You know, and just running something by my friends. Yes. You sure will. See what they thought. Yep. And Todd is – Todd's at a wedding in Pennsylvania this summer. Yeah. And so he's obviously going to be there and going, and he wants me to go. And we're not going to bring Sage. It will be my first time leaving Sage. And I was just thinking about it. And I haven't even talked to him about this. But I just, I'm very scared and a new mother. And I want to take all the precautionary measures there are. And I was thinking in my mind that maybe it's a good idea if I go on a separate flight than Todd in case something happens. It's not that weird.
Like the president. And the vice president. Yes. Yes. That makes total sense to me. I just got ahead of us. It does? I just got ahead of us. No. I just got ahead of us. No. You're going to need each other's help. Why? Don't you want to. It's a lot of work on the plane. Work. Work. With a baby? No, they're not taking the baby. No, she's not going. So I'm thinking if something, you know. Things happen. There was 9-11. I'm scared. And I'm a scared flyer as it is already. And you're thinking... I get really scared. You're saying, hey, listen, I've done mathematical... I've run the numbers, Todd. Mathematically speaking, we do stand a chance of another 9-11 happening while we are on the plane together. You just... I don't know. It could happen. And I'm not saying another 9-11. I'm saying something could happen. So what does he do? The Hudson River. Well, they did. Other people don't. I've watched Lost. But you guys should probably not go in the car together ever because you have a better chance. Don't travel in the car. I knew you guys were going to say that. You should probably sleep under a different roof just in case somebody breaks in. I thought of that, but I'm not a scared driver or a scared person in my house. I'm a scared flyer. And I already feel afraid that I put my life in someone else's hands that I've never met. Right.
And now I'm doing it with my husband and the baby's not there. And what if something happened to both of us? Now, question. Since you're on different flights, does he arrive and wait for you at the gate? I'll meet him at the hotel. Now, does he... I'll probably... You should go on different days in case something does happen. Then he can just drive to the wedding. Well, what initially made me think this... Will you take different cars to the wedding? No. You should get two separate limos. I'm not scared of driving. I'm scared of flying. Flying. Now. So you'll never go on a tour of like in a hot air balloon or in a helicopter with him on a vacation. Not together. Together. If Sage was with us, all of us would be together. Well, here's the deal. But Sage is not there and I don't want to leave her without one of us. If you guys ever do a helicopter. Sienna and Todd are thinking about doing. A helicopter tour of the Grand Canyon on different helicopters. Yeah, on different days. Different days. You guys should go to different weddings. Yes. Find another wedding. Completely separate. Babe, what if, just to be safe, you go to the wedding you're planning on going to, I go to a different wedding. I'll find another wedding. Is it doing it again? Oh, I hope so. No. Oh.
I'm waiting. I just, what made me originally think it is because he, since he's in the wedding, the wedding's on a Saturday and they have, you know, the rehearsal dinner and everything Friday night and he needs to be there. So I think he's going to go a day before me anyway. And it just got me thinking, it's probably a good idea that we're on a separate flight. Maybe I go on a different flight on the way home. Oh, wow. I don't know. I don't know if I'm going to do it. I just thought it and I ran it by you guys and you wouldn't even let me talk. It was the greatest thing I've ever heard. Yeah, it was. We looked at her like. You guys don't even see what I'm talking about at all. No, we totally do. I see what you're talking about. But it sounds. I know it's a stretch. I know it's a stretch. But what if I could prevent something awful? That's true. You know? Isn't that getting a little sort of, you know, like. Some weird things that zap you out of the sky. You know that I don't like black cats. I'm superstitious. She's the most superstitious person. And now that I have Sage, I drive safer. And now that you've talked about it too, it's even out there, you know? Well, yeah, because you guys.
When you and Todd go downtown to dinner and you take a rickshaw from bar to bar, do you take separate rickshaws? Yes. What's a rickshaw? A rickshaw. One of the things the guys pull. The guys pull. You know, they ride a bike. No, because that's different. I'm not scared of that. I'm scared of flying. I'm scared of flying. Don't you want your hubby there with you? Now I worry more about Sage having a hard time without me. More than me crashing. We'd be there for her. Yeah. Yes. No, you wouldn't. The kid would be. You know that. If you were married to me, would we have to take separate burrows? Burrows don't scare me. Across the border. If we travel. Burrows don't scare me. Burrows don't scare her. They should. M1. Frankie from Encinitas. What was the word of the day? Dust. Just got yourself UFC 127 on pay-per-view and a pair of anarchy sunglasses. Hang on the line, bro. Right on, bro. Hey, can I have a shit? You sure can, dude. You sure can. Very nice. Very nice. Lindsay Lohan, the news got real bad. And you're going to hear the judge and you're going to find out something about Lindsay Lohan you didn't expect. And it has to do with prison. It's Rihanna Downer's new record. Oh, her voice.
is very nice. Her voice to me is like, it sounds like good perfume smells. Makes sense to me. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, Doves. The last broadcast. No, really, this is our last broadcast. Getting canned. That's what I'm trying to tell you. It's your last broadcast. Get your stuff. Get out. Tomorrow's is the end. And Thursday, it's over. Friday, get the hell out. Give me your keys. I love you guys. Get out. I love Gary. Yeah, me too. Goes without saying. You've said that right now and made it sound like you're being sarcastic, and it scared me. No. Okay.
I just don't want him... He has to know that we love him. I know he does, but I don't want him to go, hey, listen, today LLB said it goes without saying it. When she said that, there was something about it that made me think you were... No! Yanking my cord. Yanking my cord. He knows. He knows we love him. I just want the audience to know that we love him. I'll kick you right in the nuts. I don't care who you are. Okay, so Lindsay Lohan, back in court, and... Here's the big deal. March 10th is going to be a bad day. I'm actually afraid for her between now and March 10th. I'm afraid of her getting scared and desperate. And I know, man, she's brought all this stuff upon herself. But I do feel for people that don't get out of their own way. And this is what the judge said to her yesterday. This is bad news for her. Ms. Lohan. There's a couple of things you need to understand so there is absolutely no misunderstandings about anything dealing with this case. I've never met you before the last court appearance. You've never met me to my knowledge. One of the things about me is I treat everybody the same. I don't care that you're Lindsay Lohan. Hand. Lindsay. Oh, boy. Well, he didn't know that she's Lindsay Lohan.
Because he just called her Lindsay Lohan. His kids at home are like, Dad, you're such an idiot. Lohan. Lohan, dude. Versus John Doe, Jane Doe. That doesn't affect me. What I look to in sentencing, if there is a resolution in my court, is what are the charges, what's the prior record, things of that nature. Now, in this particular case, there has been so much speculation in the press. all of the talking head attorneys who talk about what the judge is going to do, what Ms. Hawley is going to do, what Ms. Myers is going to do. Well, I'm just going to tell you a couple of the things, if the case settles in this court, will happen. Number one, this case does involve jail time, period. No matter what. Complete in front of me. This case is resolved in front of me. You are going to jail. Period. Now, there may be an issue as to the amount of time that you go to, of course. And that's why a judge has discretion in sentencing. But if the case settles here, I don't want you under any apprehension. You will be going to jail. Period. She's talking to her like she's a little kid. Talking to her like, see, I've only been to one sentencing before. And the judge laid it down, man.
That's how you get talked to. Yeah. I got no problems with the judge. No. The judge is like, how many, listen, I'm looking at what, I'm looking at your rap sheet. If you come in here and I'm the one that's doing the sentencing, you're toast. You have to talk to her like she's a little kid, clearly. Yeah. She doesn't, you are going to jail. Yeah. Otherwise she's like, no. No. Yeah. You do the crime. Sometimes you got to do the time and you have to pay for what you did. Yeah. She's someone that clearly needs it spelled out for her. Yeah. Literally. Consequences. So what I'm failing to understand is I can't imagine that before a case has even gone to trial, he would tell her, you're going to go to jail. You will be doing jail time. I can't imagine that. Here's the two scenarios that she's looking at. says if you do a plea deal, you have already qualified for jail time. Got it. Okay? Okay, so if you plead out. If you plead out. You plead guilty to a lesser charge. Yes, and you're going to jail. If I'm presiding over it, just based on what I see already, you're going to jail. Right. If you don't take a plea deal and you want this to go to trial, you could be looking at prison.
And it's going to be much longer than what I'm going to give her. Well, she has one option, in my opinion, one option. Take the plea and take the lesser jail time. And take the lesser jail time. And be in a private cell. And it's going to suck, but some of us have been there. She has until March 10th to decide. She's going to go. Hopefully she stays out of trouble until then because you're facing down the barrel of a few days in jail and you're liable to do some crazy stuff. Been there. It's not fun. March 10th. Where is that pie? Oh. Where is the pie? LLB's got it. Well, Jay put it up here. I want some of that pie. Should I divvy it? Are you going to cut it? We played the song Sweet Cherry Pie. Cherry pie. Cherry pie. Yeah. And earlier this morning, Mike sent out Chris to go get a cherry pie. Yeah, it sounds so good. And it's just set here. So good. I forgot about it. Well, they wanted to have their breakfast first, too. Oh, great. Lauren's cutting them right now. You have to tell. I'm cutting them into small pieces because I know you guys. Well, I'll just take two. We don't have a pie thing. What will we? Really? You know the... I know what you want. The scooper. Oh, my God! Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. That didn't happen. That didn't happen. Oh, my God.
That didn't happen. That didn't happen. Get a camera. Get a camera. Get a camera. Get a camera. Get a camera. Get a camera. That didn't happen. That didn't happen. Oh. L-O-B. Never. Oh, my gosh. Cut my pie. Oh, my gosh. I still want. I want. Jay. Jay just ate it. He's eating cherry pie. Lauren's pie tastes real good. Ew. All right. Oh, no. Let's just. You guys are going to make it messier. Woods just took a piece of pie with his bear in the size of a pizza slice.
Come over to this side and take a picture. You just wiped Terry on me. Scrape it. What do I do? Look at this. She's got a pie in her freaking lap. Well, she's squeezing her legs together. Yes, I don't want to get on the chair. If she does it. None of us are doing anything but Chris. Just get up and let it fall through. Should I stand? Oh, it's cold. Maybe put the plate underneath your legs. I can't believe it. Let me come with that. I'll help you. I can't believe it. I can't believe she's going to help her with a pie. Put this on the chair. Okay. I don't want to get stuff on the chair. My legs are shaking. My thighs are strong. Wait, like scoop like this. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I need a plate. How did you do that? I didn't do it on purpose. No, how did you do it? I'm an idiot. Oh, she's got pie in the crack of her leg. Let me see the camera. Can you see it, Mike? Yeah. I'm a slob. You're a slob. That we knew she was excellent. This is a whole new level. No one will notice. No. This looks like American Pie the movie, dude. Look at that. Thank you. My legs are shaking. Hold on. I want to scoop some of those cherries out.
Oh my gosh, Woods. Woods is eating off of her lap. You are a filthy monster. We're video drinking. This is so dirty. You're a filthy monster. Delicious. Wow, how's it taste? Jake! Oh my gosh. Jake's so high right now on cough medicine. Do you think that will come out of your pants? It's like everywhere. Will it come out? Maybe you should take your pants off. I do have my gym clothes with me. No, I do not. That's just weird. I'm an idiot. Can we frame those pants? Yes. We have to frame those pants. The stain's not going to come out anyway. The t-shirt's framed. We got to frame that. I cannot believe that you just dropped an entire pie in your lap. Oh. No one's going to notice that. It's like you can't even tell. You can't even tell. You can't even tell. No one will notice. I'm an idiot. Maybe the greatest thing ever. Maybe the greatest thing ever. She's shaking. An idiot. I saved the chair though. That's fantastic. Look at the pie.
She had an entire pie in a tin in her lap that she was cutting. How did that happen? I still want some of that. I had it on the edge and I was going to leverage the plate and be all slick because you were like, we don't have a pie thing. And so I was like, oh, watch this. And I flipped it. And it flipped, right? I saw the fire. The entire thing came right out of the tin onto her lap. Thank you, Lord, for this day. It was so great. It was so incredible. How soon can we get that? Get it on my shirt. There's pie chunks everywhere in your pants. Now, if the engineers are listening, I want them to know I didn't get it anywhere in the studio. Did you get that? It's just in my lap. I fired you. I fired you. Continue this show as if nothing happened. I fired you. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. You dropped an entire pie in your lap, Lauren. Look at this pie. It doesn't look inappropriate at all. Does this remind you of elementary school? Does this remind you of elementary school? What does that even mean? I know what it means. Of course you do. I know. The pie, like in the movie American Pie, elementary school. That's not what I was going for. It's not? Something happens to girls in elementary school. Oh, my God. That wasn't what I was thinking, obviously. Jay, you sicko. Bye, Mike. Goodbye, Mike. It's okay, Mike. Didn't happen until high school anyway. You need to go talk to the nurse.
Do you need a sanitary nap? Lauren, girls' bodies change. It's all, ew, it smells now. All right, all right. What are you feeling right now, Mike? Anxiety. What can we do to make it better? Get Jay off cough syrup. Hey, get Jay off cough syrup. I'll be off to cough syrup tomorrow. Look at her freaking pants. Would you like to wear the pie pants to make you feel better? Look at the pie pants. Let me see. Lauren O'Brien. You can't tell. I wiped it off. They're red everywhere. Wait, let me get the chunks off. No, no, no. Chunks. You have to leave the chunks. That's brilliant. Wait. Wait. It's all over your mic cord. Wait, wait, wait. You just licked your hand after that woods. Yeah, because he's a creep. I'm not a creep. I'm just hungry. I'm fat. Oh, my gosh. You know what it looks like? It looks like Marvin.
Got his face blown off. Yeah, I know, right? Why am I on brain detail? Jackie Kennedy. Too soon? Too soon? Sorry. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. What? Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. That was real. Sorry. People just got to witness L.O.B. Sorry. That was the in the meeting L.O.B. That was the in the meeting L.O.B. Sorry. You, every M1, just got the witness in the meeting. I don't usually talk like that. Don't you? Jackie Kennedy. Too soon. Too soon. Sorry. Holy crap. Oh, my God. Saturday Night Live will be calling this afternoon. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. I'll just hang out.
Oh, my gosh. Is it cold? Yeah, it's cold. It's so sticky. You should get those pants off immediately. All right, Jerry. Subtle. Just throwing it out there. Just throwing it out there. You should take your pants off. They got Jerry's stains on them. That was a long time ago. You dropped something on your pad. It was. Did you get a chance to eat any? Any lap puff? Lap puff. Lauren's lap pie. A la crotch. Pie. A la crotch. I want to get in your bed. Take those. Is that a pie in your pocket? What did you get to share that? Nope. I'm not. Woods, I'll give you $100 for it. You want some whipped cream on your pie?
Wouldn't be the first time. My stomach hurts. So bad. Well, next on the agenda. So, Lindsay Lohan, huh? Lohan. Lohan. Are you guys still going to eat that? Dear diary, today was the best day of my life. I've never had a day like this one, diary. This is a moment that will live in infinite. The visual? And just so you know, Woods is chowing down on that pie. That looks disgusting. I'm sorry I ruined everyone's pie. You did. I'm really sorry. I was just trying to help. I'm just thankful, actually. I also would have eaten that. No bite? No.
Why? Because it was on her pants? Yeah, isn't it? What if her pants were dirty? They're not. Not dirty, but, you know. You know she uses, like, organic detergent. Yeah, that's true. It'll have nutrients in it. Yeah, it's actually better for you. Yeah, great. That pie's going to start growing in your stomach. Come have a bite. Can I just tell you, in my head, I was like, oh, I'm going to show everyone how smart I am and have them be like, oh, Willoughby, look at you. Look how she did the pie. Figuring it out. She was already imagining us going. I was. Praising her. Because you were like, well, how are we going to do this? We don't have a pie scooper. And I was like, oh, watch this. I know geometry. I can't believe it just happened. That's my favorite mathematical number. Pi. 3.1457964543276. Otherwise known as U plus me equals pi. U plus pi equals me. You like that one. U. He ran in here like, should I get another pie? He was in here like secret service. No, he was good. He knew immediately to get a camera. Oh yeah.
He came in here like the Secret Service with a video camera. I know. Secret Service to Jack and Kennedy. Oh, boy. Too soon? Too soon. Too soon. That's only been 40 years. Got an email to do for you. Got this viral video that I... Is it possible for a kid to be too precocious? Why? We'll see. Sienna's looking at me like I'm a monster. You are. What if you... What if you... What if you were the bass player for Ambrosia? Because if you're the lead singer of Ambrosia, you get a little bit of play and notoriety. But if you're the bass player for Ambrosia, anything to get noticed. Just playing the Ramada Inn in Scottsdale tonight real good. Oh, my God.
How much I feel. Feel for you, baby. I need your touch. It's one guy. He's got like the record to back him up. That's our love. That's our love. That's our love. That's our love. That's our love. People are sitting out there. They're like, this isn't the emotion that we remember. Remember when we were walking on the beach, San Diego, 76. I've got to remind everyone here that the Ramada Inn is offering drink specials tonight until 10 o'clock for all couples serving kamikazes. Harvey Wallbangers. Harvey Wallbangers are half off. If you want a late checkout, be sure to put the call in before 12 a.m. Late checkouts have to be in before 12 a.m. There's a free continental breakfast from 630.
To 10.30 tomorrow. And I will be forgiven. I want to find the bass player from Ambrosia and interview him. Yes. And be like, hey, that's how much I feel. How much were you shunned by the band? Were you put in the background? Did you not get the same? Did you not reap the same benefits? I don't think he was. I just don't think that he saw the same. Amount of notoriety. Yeah, for sure. Oh, man. So funny. Love ambrosia. I love it. I like ambrosia salad. Weird. Sienna, what's going on in the news? A warning, if you haven't heard, storms coming this weekend. Snow, rain. Well, obviously not snow on the coast, but it's going to be snowing in other areas like Julian and Valley Center, Ramona, that sometimes doesn't see snow all the time. And it's going to be colder than normal.
The best burger in America has been named. What is it? Unami Burger in L.A. Been there? Heard of it? I haven't. That's the name of the place? Unami Burger. Yeah, it's like an American burger with Japanese twist. Oh, gross. They say it's really good. What? It's not. Look at it. It looks incredible. But isn't that where... Does it got sushi in it? No. Why is it... Oh, it's mini? No. They say it's half beef and half beyond belief. Maybe it's the Kobe. Isn't it Kobe beef in Japan? Oh. Some of the other top ones were In-N-Out Burger, Fatburger, Bob's Big Boys, and Tommy's. Also, really quick, Crystal Harris. Do you guys remember who Crystal Harris is? Probably on San Diego. Wait, wait, wait. American Idol. Nope. Dancing with the Stars. No, I know. Had sex with Tiger Woods. Nope. Close. Oh, Hugh Hefner's wife. Fiance. Fiance. Yes, 24-year-old Crystal Harris who's engaged to 84-year-old Hugh Hefner. She is sticking up for them saying, you know, that they are meant to be and that she does love him. Oh, yeah. And it's not about the money. Oh, no. You know, she has as much fun with him and it's so hard for her to keep up with him, in fact. Oh, for sure. Oh, it smells like carrots and throw up. It's also been announced that their wedding will be on June 18th.
If he makes it. It's just what every little girl dreams of. Yeah. You guys have seen Best in Show. Yes. The lady that shows dogs and she's married to like a 98-year-old. The greatest. And she's young, like 25. Stifler's mom. Stifler's mom. Yeah. And she goes, we have lots of things in common. We both like soup. Eating soup. Eating soup. Talking about soup. So great. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan is going to be appearing on an episode of CSI New York. You got his foot in the door in the acting room. Get it? You get the foot in the door. He's not going to be playing some creepy foot-worshipping... Well, I guess he is because he's playing himself. So I guess he will be playing a creepy... Foot fetishist. Say it, step ahead of the rest. Yeah, he is a step ahead of the rest. He's got one foot in front of the other, which will be good. So I'm going to have to tune into that and see how that guy acts. And then Trevor Bain, who's the kid that won the Daytona 500, he has a chance to move up to do sprint cups all the time. And he goes, no, I'm staying in what they called in this article the second tier.
Nationwide tour. He's going to stay on it and, you know, kind of finish out what he said he was going to do. And here he is talking about, you know, staying on the Nationwide tour. Cut three. I think I'm going to stay with Nationwide. I mean, I think it's a great thing that they're doing for the sport, for the young drivers there, to be able to rise up as champions. And nothing really changed here. I mean, the only thing that changed is we get to be the Daytona 500 champions, which is really, really incredible. This is a viral video right now I'm about to play for you, the audio. Five-year-old kid. I don't want to marry someone if I don't have a job first. A man comes asking me, running out. No, I don't want to marry you yet. I want to have a job. And if he says, I will not come back to you, a different man. This is my life. You better stop caring. I'm not going to do anything for you until... I have my job. I don't care if I marry you. I don't care if I marry another man. I care if I do something that's special. I don't want to marry someone if I don't have a job first. What is that? Yeah. She's adorable. She's so sweet. She's like the all-American kid. You think mom just talks on the phone? Yeah. Probably.
She's a beating. Mom said, this is what you're going to say, and I'm going to record you. She's getting it from somewhere. What's wrong with it? She's got her priorities straight. Really? There was one part that I thought was cute, and she said, I want to do something that's special. Yeah. That was sweet. She's getting it from somewhere. Her mama. Bridget Jones. Bridget Jones. She has more. Taylor Swift music. I'm like, he does great of those. How can I do those if I'm going to be a comedian or a writer? I don't even know how to write. Or a storyteller. I don't even know how to do stories that funny. Only the Snow White one. That's cute. Seinfeld! He does really good jokes and I can't do that much jokes because nobody laughs at me. I know the feeling, Kit. And I need someone to tweet me. We need to copy him so I... You need to print it off so I can do each word at a time. I need to memorize that so I can do each word at a time. He does great of those. That's a cute kid. That's a very cute kid. Some wants to deal with kids that just talk about precocious things. You know, some kids are too precocious. You notice this?
Some children are just too precocious. Oh, look at me. I'm so cute. You put glasses on a kid and you put them in a movie and you have to like them. If you don't, you're a monster. What's the deal? That's really bizarre. You can hear that the audio is edited. Yeah. And I'm pretty sure the mom is like, okay, say this. And now say something like this because she gets the words mixed up because I think she's trying to remember what her mom said. I like when little kids. try to talk and their brain isn't catching up to their mouth. She's really animated. It's so funny, yeah. And cute though, which is why it's like cute to watch. She's cute. But what she's saying is like, whatever. My theory is the parents are separated. Yes. The mom runs her mouth. Because I catch myself doing this. Women will have like a script. Of whatever's going on in their current life. And they'll get off the phone with one friend and be like, anyway, well, I'll let you go. And they call another friend. And then another friend, hey. And then, you know what? And I said, it's my life. It's not his life. So I bet the mom has said it so many times. And now the dad, she's there for the weekend. He's like, wait a minute. Let me get the camera. Because the kid's like reciting. I think that could be right. I also think that it's possible that sometimes kids are a little too precocious. Oh, boy.
She's so sweet. It's not her fault, though. Case in point. Like the girl from the Welch's commercial? Oh, yes. I know her. Case in point. Sienna showing us Lil' Peanut. He was adorable. Lil' Peanut was not too precocious. He was too precocious. He was too precocious. He's a little rapper on Ellen. He's seven. That kid is annoying. No! He's annoying. He said one line that was too precocious. No, he's annoying. He knows that he's cute, and so he's just like upping the cute auntie. He's being a clown. A little clown. He's a natural performer. Can we play it? Do we have it? No. Oh, perfect. What? I'll get it. And then once you get it, just email me. I will. Just bring it up then and not have it. Mike. Yeah. Your son Jake is a performer. Yes. Yeah, sometimes it's too precocious. It's enough is enough. Really? You're going to yank him out of the limelight and be like, hey, kid, take it down on earth. I'm not going to yank him out of the limelight, but, you know, I mean, enough is enough. I mean, to Mike's defense, Jake will often come out when we're having a barbecue with a top hat on a cane and go, hello, my baby, hello, my daughter. The monocle goes over the top. The monocle on the top hat. To Mike's defense. He's adorable. Jake is adorable. Any kid is adorable. I don't care. Little Peanut is the worst.
He's not. Little Peanut was on Ellen a while ago. Little Peanut. And people still talk about him. I just think that you are adorable and you're seven years old. And how long have you been rapping? Since I was four. Yeah, all this is cute. All this is cute. That annoying. He thinks he knows he's cute and now he's playing up to it. That's adorable. It is adorable right now. I don't have an issue yet. Super cute. And you write your own songs? Yes, ma'am. Oh, that's fantastic. Yeah, you love dancing. You're just an entertainer, aren't you? Yes, ma'am. Except that I know that when you grow up, you want to stay in school and you want to be a scientist. Is that right? Yes, ma'am. Oh, wow. But I want to be an actor, too.
Oh, he wasn't polite. He wasn't done. Yeah. Oh, yeah, he wasn't done. So now the applause. And now he's going to, now he knows. And he's got it. Yes, ma'am. All right. Well, if you're a scientist, you can tell me what my fungus was that I had on my board. And you have already, you have a whole bunch of fans, don't you? Yes, ma'am. How old are your fans? Well, some of them are, you know, kind of 3, 4, 5, 7, 19, or 20. He's adorable. What? He's annoying. Let him perform for a minute. Let him perform for a minute. It gets worse. Well, people, now we're talking about Lil Peanut, they want to know if he's any good. He's adorable. Here he goes.
Sienna knows the words. Sienna knows the words. She's mouthing the words. Oh my gosh. She's lip syncing it. Shocking. I would. I have a favorite part that's coming up. Social study. Yeah. All right, great. That's too much. I can't do it. Come on. I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you. I was just about to booty drop. Oh, my gosh. You could be my study buddy. Teach you about social studies. It's the best. Play it. Whoops. There it is. Play it. Just for a minute. He didn't. No, he's going out to the ladies.
That kid has a Bentley. Mike, you're so jealous of Lil' Peanut. Stop being jealous of Lil' Peanut. I know he's taller than you. Terrible. Lil Peanuts too precocious. He's the kid from Jerry Maguire. It's too much. He was cute. He was cute. But it got to be, you know, after a few. He was doing his job. He was doing his job. Just go ahead and go. Go ahead and go. I give him credit. He'll let you in her house. Hey, Jerry. Go ahead and go. Go ahead and go. I don't know what to soon have been. I'm out. Sweet kid. Shut up. Just stop. We live in a world, a cynical world. Shut up. Just shut up. You two know the words to this movie. Yeah. It's sad.
Had me at hello. I just passed scuff. I'm homosexual anyway. You are not. Yes, I am. No, you're not. Yes, I am. Just because we've been dating for four years and you've never tried to kiss me. I'm married to Katie Holmes, who is, in fact, a beard. Shoot. What's a beard? It's a fake wife. You mean like if you're gay and you have a beard? Yes, it's a beard. Shut up. You shut up. You shut up. I'll give you $150 million. Just shut your mouth. You had me at hello. I know I did. I'm more interested in your gardener than you are. Okay, so sip your lip. Sign this contract. I'm begging you to make love to me. Zero percent chance. I'd rather make love to Jay, okay? Clearly. Write that down. Movie's so uncomfortable. It's a good movie. Never seen it. You know it pretty well. I know that scene. Seen that scene on YouTube 150,000 times. Billion times. She was kind of cute in that movie. She was great. That was the only one. In every other movie.
I can't figure it out. Her eyes are open in some movies and in the other movies she's so squinting. They're so cute when they squint, though. When girls smile and they squint, that's cute. I don't know. Yeah, like Joey Lauren Adams. Open your eyes. Open your eyes. Open your eyes. The face. Have you ever done that in your stand-up? No. Why not? L.O.B. I've just never done it anywhere. L.O.B., get your camera out. Take a picture right now. It's identical. It's identical. And the greatest part about it is you even get her puffy eyes from crying. You get that down, too. Holy cow. All right, so let's see. Do you want to play Stump the Dawn? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Let's play something, Don. I'm a little nervous. I'm a little nervous. I won't deny. All right. 570-1949 is our number. What is the prize, Jay? We have a couple of different things we're going to give away. We're going to give away some LA Galaxy versus Club Tijuana soccer tickets. That means you get to see Beckham play. Oh. You get to bend it like Beckham. Beckham plays for the Galaxy. Unless he's not playing or something. Then you don't. Then you won't. Yeah.
I don't know. I think maybe. He may have retired. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I'm like, didn't he get hurt or something? No, I think he's playing. He is. I'm sure all the Galaxy fans are losing their minds. All right, so Stump the Dawn. This is how you play. You call right now, and you ask a Sopranos question to Woods. You've got to try Stump Woods and Sopranos Trivia. It's very difficult to do. Don't ask questions like, what was the number written on the match? box or something. Tony's license plate. What was Tony's license plate? Don't ask that. Ask like plot. Yeah. You know, it's plot questions. Anything you want. If you can stump him, you win. It's easy. 570-1949. But you got to know Sopranos. Don't, I mean, if you're, don't call and go, what was Tony's daughter's name? It's a matter of, you know. Yeah. You got to call with, you know, plot questions, stuff that has to do with the show. And you will win tickets to go see the Galaxy versus Mexico. Tijuana. You just call it the team. My boys. My favorite team. My boys. My boys are playing the Galaxy this weekend. El grupo. Mi niños. You ever just bust a new friend from Mexicanism? Yeah. Mexicanism. You guys are Mexicanists. You guys ever Mexicanists? All right. Call us right now.
You got M1 Matt on the line. M1 Matt from Vista. You there, Matt? Hi, man. How you doing? Yay! All right, Matt. What's your question for Stump the Dawn? In the beginning of every season, there's always the first opening shot. Do you mean the opening credits, or do you mean like the... No, no, no. The first shot of whatever... Normally, it's of James Gandolfini doing something. You know what? I don't watch Sopranos. I think I have an answer. I'm stumped. You stumped the Don, pal. You stumped the Don. Is it him getting the newspaper? Yes, you're exactly right. Look at you! Is that right? Oh my God, that's right. Him getting the newspaper. Every single season. That's how it starts. That's how the credits roll. Oh my gosh. He gets the paper in every freaking season, doesn't he?
but I think it's the third or fourth when he's separated from his wife. But it shows the shot of the newspaper. Of the newspaper, yeah. I know exactly what you're talking about. Congratulations. Well, you won. Hang on the line. How did I not know that? I'm surprised. How did you know it? You guys share a brain now. Maybe you transferred. I've seen episodes of Sopranos. Yeah. Nothing like you. I mean, through Jaws trivia. How come Miss San Antonio can't keep her crown? We'll tell you when we come back. Sometimes the greatest conversations happen off the air. Sometimes people get real butthurt. Who does? Me. Yeah. I can tell. You don't, though. Oh, boy. Eject. Dude, you. What? Another Level Woods. Me? Yeah. I didn't get butthurt. L.O.B. says that she was feeling fat. Yeah, and just overall, just not.
I'm not good about myself. And she saw, what did you see? Like an ad? It was an ad for the LFL, the Lingerie Football League. Yeah. And it's hot. Like in the newspaper? No, it's a video. It was a video? It was a video. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. There's a San Diego team. I know, but I don't get it. Like a video. It's a video. It's a clip of like, this season. On the computer. Yeah. Okay. And I was like, oh my gosh, look at this. Like to show Matt, because I think it's. It's a little ridiculous. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You were showing him because you thought it was ridiculous or you were showing him like, hey, this is kind of cool. I thought it was ridiculous and he also didn't know what it was. And it came up that someone he knew had gone to it. And I was like, do you even know what it is? And he's like, no, I don't know. What's LFL? And I was like, it's the lingerie football league. I'm like, come look at this. It's ridiculous. I thought he was going to be like, why would people go see that? And instead I've seen.
I've pointed out hot... I've shown him hot girls that he doesn't know about because he doesn't know about anyone. It's like a trap. I do it too. It's a trap. Yeah, you trap people. I want to see how he's going to react. I don't get mad. You can't get mad if you point it out. Exactly. But if they point it out, then it's frustrating. I want to know his taste sometimes. If I was dating one of you broads and you guys showed me a picture like that, I would go... Don't show me that stuff. Okay, well, I'm trying to figure out his taste because one of his top... You! No. You're his taste. No. No. He's never... He's with you. He's never dated a blonde girl before. But you're obviously his taste because we're together. But his track record is so spotty, so I always try to nail it down. And once you get it nailed down, what will that... Then I'll just change the way that I look if I need to surgically enhance myself or if I need to wear a wig or, you know. Whatever. But, yeah, so I showed him that. So I really was – I wasn't expecting him to be like, oh, that's kind of hot. I was expecting him to be like, that's stupid. Why would – you know? And he reacted like no picture I'd ever seen him, no hot thing that I'd ever pointed out to him. He was like, oh, my God. That's the greatest thing I've ever seen. And I –
I cried. I cried. What? And then he made fun of me for crying. Wow. I'll never understand. And then he made fun of you for crying. I was having a really bad day, and I was already not feeling hot, and the girls looked so hot in that video, and I was just like... Why would you show him? I don't know. I really thought he was... She didn't think he was going to react like that. I thought he was going to be... It's all about the reaction. If you're like, oh, wow, that is weird, then you can get away with that. But if you're like, oh, my God, then you're in trouble. How would you have reacted if he would have gone, don't show me that? He wouldn't have never done that. But it's kind of like, I thought it was going to be like the WNBA. Like, honestly, who watches that? Different. Yeah. It would be like if there was like the NBA. Well, it'd be like if there's the NBA for you. It's just exactly like the NBA. What do you mean? Your favorite league. Like shirtless NBA? Yeah. Imagine if there was nude NBA. Not even nude. Not nude. Shirtless. Just shirtless. Flopping. No. Oh, well. Flopping. Too much? Dragging. Definitely too much, yeah. I meant like leg muscles and stuff. Just looks better under shorts. Yeah, we just, yeah. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. But yeah, so, and I got so upset. I was really, and like it ruined the rest of our day. And I will bring it up sometimes. But now I realize. You'll bring it up sometimes. Now I realize. Wait, wait, wait. If you bring it up sometimes, that means that, because the only time stuff is brought up is if it's like.
You have the hand. You don't bring something up if you don't have the hand. I want to get a gauge on how crazy he thinks I am for my reaction because it was an overreaction. It was a serious overreaction, and I realized that, but I was having a bad day. So I want to see if he'll be like, yeah, that was an overreaction. Or if he's going to be like, that's okay, babe. We all go, you know what I mean? So I'll be like, it's like that time I cried over the LFL. I was so upset. I got asked to go to one of those games by our friend M1 Podcast. Said, oh, I've got an extra ticket if you want to go. I was like, what am I, an idiot? I'm not going to that thing. I'm not going anywhere near it. I can't even go to the parking lot. To me, I'm not going to get killed. Well, I mean, my wife would be like, she probably wouldn't say, what are you doing? Mine either. What am I doing? I would be an idiot to do that. You know who goes to that? 23-year-old single guy. That's what I said. That's what I said. And he was like, no, it's not even about the lingerie. It's about chicks playing football. That's cool. I was like.
It's about the chicks in lingerie. Yeah, and he was like, that's not even what I was taught. When I said that was the greatest thing I've ever seen, I wasn't talking about the lingerie. I'm going to try to teach Matt something if he's listening. If you're listening, you may be. Always tell the truth. No. It's the easiest thing to remember. It's the easiest thing to remember. It's the easiest thing to remember. He does always tell the truth. He can't lie. But when you go, when you say, when you say, No, it's about the football. Maybe he meant it. He didn't. It isn't about the football. It's about nothing, not football. If they were dressed like the guys from Auburn. He wouldn't go with helmets on and pads and like full pads and they look like skinny dudes. That's what he's saying. He wouldn't care. They wear less pads and they actually, he was trying to say they actually hit and stuff, which he thought was rad. That's cool. I don't recommend the truth, man. What I recommend is when she shows you that, you go, that's weird. That is odd. That is so weird. I'm going to watch it again. And then you go in another room when she's not there and then you can watch it. And you watch it again and again and you just make sure that that's the bit. I believe his reaction.
to actually thinking the girls actually playing. Because a lot of times you see girls try to play football and they're like, eh. We all know how girls can throw, not all of them. And I think he was shocked to see at how contact they were. Really? I think maybe he was shocked to see 18 girls wearing lingerie, running around. It was definitely a double whammy. He was shocked that they were running the spread. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like, oh. How can they do the option? This is supposed to be... They were a wishbone team before. That's a trip. They don't read options anymore. That's what's freaking me out. They don't even know what an A-gap is? I guess not. I wish he was listening so he could call it. You got to throw this stuff in. You got to say, God, that's weird. Can you believe she's wearing that? No. Why would she subject herself? Why would she do that? I wouldn't believe... Why make herself into such an object? Yeah. She's just personifying the myth, and that's never good. We know you guys, and we would know if you're lying. Can you imagine if one of us said that to you guys? I would say, you are a clown. Yeah, you're a clown. Shut your mouth. He's like George Washington. He cannot tell a lie. Yeah, he can. You just told me about one he told you. No. I watch it because it's football. That's not why he watches it. He was amazed by the fact that they were hitting that hard problem. It's absolutely stunning.
You can't speak for him. I'm going to have to watch this video now. In this particular case, when it's women in lingerie, when it's women in lingerie, I can speak for him. No, you can't. I just did. You can't. You could put a gun to my head and I would say, if I'm wrong, pull eight triggers. Nine. Looks like you're a dead man. You can't speak for him. I believe Lauren. She knows him. Yeah. So do I. I believe that... We share one common thing. We have one common thing between us. I believe it did not hurt him, the fact that they were wearing booty shorts and bikini tops. That did not hurt the cause. I hope this is him. Please be Matt. Please be Matt. His initial reaction was, whoa! Have you seen my wiener? Is it him? Is it him? Matt. Yeah! Matt. Please. Please. You're in the Trump stream. Woods, listen, Woods has the greatest line in the world. Don't lie to me. I'm not a girl. Yeah, you don't lie to me. You lie to girls, okay? His girl is right here. His girl is right next to me. I know, but you might as well come clean. It wasn't about girls playing football, Matt. Yeah, I'm good with you. He is. He's telling the truth. Let the man speak for himself. Smart man, smart man. Nice Bieber.
Yeah, Micah. Hey, listen, I disagree with you. It was about the fact that they were throwing the shotgun, which I think is pretty amazing for girls. Yep. Pick up, roll out of bed, turn on the Micah show. Just get killed every day. Yeah, no, no, for real. I'm a football purist. Yeah. And I really do. I just love the game. And I do, you know, I think it's cool that they have girls that are actually, from the stuff I saw, they're like hitting each other. Like wrestling around together real sweetly. No, they were good. In lingerie. In lingerie. You need to watch the clip. What am I, stupid? I feel this big piece of wool being pulled over my eyes right now. Like, if Lauren was not and there was no girls around. He would be saying the same thing.
He would be saying, I believe. Matt is a good guy. And we would say. It doesn't make him a bad guy. It makes him a guy. In fact, if this were true, he'd be gay. No. He's not gay. He's straight. It's not that he didn't like seeing him in those outfits. It's just that his initial reaction of, whoa, that's the greatest thing I've ever seen, was him. strictly astonished by the fact that girls were hitting each other and playing ball. That was the main freak out was because of that. I just watched it. They do. They hit hard. Yeah, I know. I don't think that's what got his attention. I don't think that you can speak for him. I think I just did. I don't think you can. You don't have the right. He called in. If you guys were right, he wouldn't have called in. Oh, yeah, he would. No, you didn't. Defend yourself. No. I would. It's okay, babe. I believe you. I believe you, too. That's right, babe. Well, let me... Listen, babe. I know better. And I love you. You know that. Because I'm a guy. Not every man is a pig. Is a pervert. Not every man is a pig. Lauren knows her man. And I have found a... That's right. Just like Ken did. Not a pig like you three. That's right. That's right. That's right. I'm on your team. Like, those two. Jay's not on your team. I am so on your team. These girls... Hey, listen.
It took me a second to even realize they were wearing lingerie. He's not saying that. All I knew was that it was shoulder-to-shoulder contact. I have some words over here. Would you like to put those in my mouth? Yes, I would. Let me write the words for you. L-I-E. I'm going to put those in my mouth. Thank you for giving those to me. I would love to see Mikey on the field with these ladies. Matt. You're a good guy. You're a great guy. You don't notice lingerie. You don't notice lingerie. I feel like a better person because I know you. Yes. Can I say one thing? Yes. There's nothing about a woman in shoulder pads and a helmet that is like holding me. How about the lingerie part? Yeah, the bottom half, yeah, it doesn't hurt, but you know what? I didn't notice. He's speaking the truth. But it doesn't look like what you would think of as sexual when you see a helmet and shoulder pads. And blonde hair spilling out the top and giant breasts poking out the top of a jersey and beautiful tanned toned legs. They wear these low-cost... They're like bikini tops that squeeze the stuff out. I believe that he likes the lingerie. All I'm saying is what Lauren is saying.
He likes the lingerie, but he freaked out in front of her because of the hitting. He freaked out in .5 seconds. And it had nothing to do with the fact that it was Jicks in lingerie. It was about the hitting. It was hard hitting. And it was like, whoa. We should get them in here and Matt in here on the same day. See how that goes. Yeah, that would be awesome. And we'll get the Chargers cheerleaders and you in here. They've already been in, and I was a pig. And your wife. I was a pig, I admit it. And we'll all have some fun. I am a man. Thank you, Matt. All right. Yay. Sorry. Love you, Matt. Love you, Matt. You're such a good person. He's lying. He's not. He's lying. Leave him alone. Jay! He's not. He's not. I need to see the video. Coming from the guy, by the way, that just said, you gotta lie. You got to lie. That's what you gotta do. I'm just saying you gotta lie. Am I playing that backwards? No. Don't be a clown. I got four bad habits that add belly. Fat. Really? Next. I finally, I back down. I'm like, okay, okay, okay. I go, hey, he thought it was hard hitting. Agreed. It's my life, not yours. Yes. Fine.
We're naive. You guys know everything. We're stupid. You're smart. I don't know my boyfriend. You guys know every thought that ever crossed the line. You're really good looking. We're ugly. Not attractive. I even said... You better get the hell out of here. I know, but I even said... Seven minutes! I go, what if I got it wrong? Fine, I got it wrong. It would not have been my first reaction. Don't placate me. Now you're placating. Now I'm placating. Don't placate me. Lauren showed her boyfriend a clip of lingerie football. He freaked out. He went, whoa. And then he told her after she cried. After she cried. He told her, hey, the only reason I reacted that way is because I saw it and it was like chicks hitting like hard. Which is true. Which Mike, he's played football his entire life. Oh. And his reaction was, I've never seen girls play football like that. Okay. Now that I didn't know. I didn't know he had played football. That kind of changes it a little bit. Matt said that when he called in. I know, but I didn't hear it. I didn't hear that part. He's being facetious. I didn't know. He played football. It's okay. Anytime I want to know something about Matt, I won't even bother talking to him. I'll just call both of you guys. All men share the exact same brain. I'm sure I'll have a general consensus. I can't win.
No, neither of us can. If I say I got it wrong. You're placating. You are. I'm placating. You are. If I say. Don't patronize. Are you patronizing? If I say, come on now. He's a guy. You know everything. He saw girls that were wearing lingerie and they were playing football and it was sexy. I don't deny the fact that after he watched it, yes, that's sexy. I don't deny the fact that he sees a pinup girl and thinks, yes, that's sexy. I don't deny the fact that he sees girls walking by every day and thinks that. I'm just saying his initial reaction of, whoa! The huge freakout. The freakout. That made you cry. That made me cry because I was... Very insecure. It was a bad day. Okay, it was a bad day. I believe him when he says, yes, babe, yes, they are sexy girls. But my initial reaction was the fact that they were hitting each other. She was in the mood of crying no matter what he did. Like, he could have farted and it smelled bad. And she would have cried. That is true. Because we are uncontrollable when we're having those days. I'm having one of those days. There was a time about six months ago.
Right before Matt and I got back together where I could watch a Target commercial and start crying. And so I was crying at everything. In fact, in the middle of me crying, I said, here's you. And I made an inappropriate gesture. And then he said, here's you. She just made a very inappropriate gesture. Oh, I'm Lauren. I exist. Because I was crying about everything. Oh, my God. We cry. That's how we are. Can't help it. People have those days. You just feel like your hormones are raging. I don't feel like I told them in the right way. J-Lo had that day yesterday. Yes, she did. You guys wouldn't understand. You don't get the flow. We don't get men. We don't get, you know. I said that word to hurt Mikey's feelings. You want me to just put my head under your tire? It doesn't even really matter about that, though. Sometimes you get those days regardless. Do you think that they want to put us on a firing squad right now? No, I just want you guys to admit you don't know everything. We don't know everything. You don't know everything about men, either. Imagine if Lauren and I were like, Rebecca thinks that! She's a woman! You don't know her! I'm a woman, and I know what she thinks! She doesn't want to wear that red wig! Has that not happened in here for...
Pretty much a year straight. Yes. She doesn't want to wear that red wig, you pig. Didn't you say that this morning? Didn't you say that this morning? She's not saying that because she loves you. I know her. Yeah, I don't. I mean, I do, but the bottom line is that I don't know what it's like to be a woman. I don't. A little bit. Listen, you girls, a little, I do. Bannies, patties, a lot of products. Here's the deal, though. You guys are talking about products? You girls cannot describe. what it's like to get kicked in the nuts. No. But we also never, Santa and I never say, all girls think that. It's always, some girls are like that. Some girls are like that. Most girls are like that. You can never say across the board, all women think that. This is what you can say about women. Okay? You could say to a guy, you look like a fat slob. And the guy might go, okay? Every day. There's not one woman in the world that you say to her, you look like a fat slob. And she's going to go. And the reason is because we're wired differently. And what I'm telling you is that as a guy, I feel like I kind of know certain things about being a guy. Certain things. Not all. This one maybe I'm wrong about. But some stuff. Other stuff. And that's fine. We're saying you do. But not all things. I'm wrong on this one. But there's other ones that I. Don't cross your fingers behind your back. I can't win. Hillary.
What do you think? I walked in. I missed like the last five minutes of this, but I know it involves Matt and the lingerie football league. And what? And Mikey's saying that. This is what happened. there's a lingerie football league. Right. She showed him a video of it. I heard all that. And he, and he, when he saw it, he went, whoa. Right. And she cried. And it upset her and she cried. And she still brings it up. She still brings it up. And he said to her, he was like, he was like, no, I bring up how crazy I was for crime. She recognized that. And he said to her, babe, the only reason that I even went, whoa, was because I couldn't believe that it was chicks like hitting so hard, you know, like they're hidden in there. Sure. And we were like, I think that the reason he went, whoa, is because he was like, whoa, chicks are playing football. That's pretty hot. And she said, no, it is not. I know my boyfriend. He told me it's about hitting. And I believe that what he went, whoa, about was. He went, whoa, after 0.5 seconds of play. And went, whoa, said it. Then he called in to stick up for himself. Yeah. And say he would admit it. If Matt.
was in a room with guys. Only guys. Lauren wasn't there. I just got an idea. And the guys said, you're not listening to me. Polygraph. Oh. Polygraph test. Oh, yeah. Polygraph test. Can we do a polygraph test? Absolutely not. How dare you? How dare you? How dare you? Captain Callout. How dare you? Really? Hey, you gotta lie. You gotta lie. You gotta lie. We'll get a polygraph test. Let him take it. He'll get a polygraph test to the person in here. I say no. We need to have a polygraph test in here at all times. Okay, you guys need to all have polygraph tests then. I will do a polygraph. I will do the question graph. Yes, that's fair. That's fair. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I will take one. I'll take a polygraph. I will take a polygraph. I'm not going to do this. Okay, it's Mike. If Matt does it, Mike has to do it. I can't speak for him. I will. If Matt will take one, I will take one. I can't speak for him. He doesn't want to be part of your reindeer game. Yeah, you can't speak for him. He's a good guy. He'll take it. He's telling the truth. He will. He'll take it. Stop rolling your eyes, Mike. What if it was both, though? What if it was the combination? It was, but he wouldn't go, whoa, in front of his girlfriend over a lingerie. He would if he was with his boys.
plenty of more provocative things in company of each other than football with girls wearing bikinis. This is what we have to dispel right now. I believe that he went, whoa, because it was hot girls playing football. And there's nothing wrong with that. You know what that's like saying? That's like saying this. That's like saying somebody takes a little mallet to somebody's knee and goes like that and their leg kicks out. And being like... That's messed up. No. It's a reflex. I have seen much more things to woe about that were much sexier than that. You're not a guy. In the company of him. You're not a guy. I've been with him in movie scenes where girls get topless, where they are black swans, where they're with each other, where they're doing things. If you want me to keep going, I'll say all the things we've seen together. I get it. I get it. I'm just saying that the first time they hit me, because this league has hit me up before. They want to come on the air. And the first time I saw it, I was like, habita, habita, habita, habita. Yeah. You know, I mean. Well, you and Matt are not the same person. I know. I'm obviously. You're a sicko pervert creep. I'm a sadistic pervert serial killer. Clearly. Did you have. You said the same thing. At the same time. All right, fine.
Fine. Gosh darn it. That was fun. Oh, men and women. The age of battle. Oh, listen. Men and women were only a tiny bit different. Just a tiny bit. That's it. I'm just saying there is no denying the fact that he thought that was attractive. You couldn't be a straight man and see those girls and think it's not attractive. I agree with that. All I'm saying is that reaction in the first .5 seconds of him seeing it was because of the... Hard hits. Aggressiveness of the game. It's like Troy Polamalu. Hey, um... Rhymes with hits. Yes. Hillary, don't you have a show to do? You're walking into a lion's den. Do not poke the tiger. Do not poke the tiger. Holy crap. Jake's got to play 15 guns. Everybody makes that good. Okay. Anyway. All right, Hillary. What do you have? What do you have coming up? Well, I grab new Cold War kids and Arcade Fire and Helmet, Violet Femmes, the Pixies. It's going to be great. Dare it. Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. Yes, please. Early and Talented Hillary's up next, and we'll come back tomorrow morning. Best station in the world. And do this tomorrow morning at 6 a.m.
Mikey shows out. Late.