The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 02/25/11
Friday, February 25, 2011
addiction recoveryrelationships and jealousyparenting boundarieschildhood obesityradio pranksautism and musicanimal rescuefaith and testimonyradiocomedyrecoveryaddiction
Mikey and the crew mixed vulnerable stories with elaborate comedy, including M1NYC's pill recovery, Mikey's childhood 'king-size meal,' Jay's one-sided airsoft victory, and the public Bieber prank. Sienna's plan to ignore a family's no-gifts request became a real argument about kindness versus parental boundaries, while Lauren O'Brien's defense of Matt Commerce turned lingerie football into a prolonged dispute over what made him say 'whoa.' Mikey also celebrated Jake becoming a frame model and explained how music programs had helped his son with autism, while Sienna became emotional over dolphins helping save Turbo. The show closed with Mikey connecting his past abuse and addiction to his Christian conversion and directing struggling listeners toward help.
What happened, in order
A Caller Chooses Recovery
Caller M1NYC said Mikey's Friday testimony inspired her to taper off pills and urged other listeners to confront themselves because doing so could save their lives.
The Facebook Stalker App
The crew debated an app that secretly alerted users when a crush became single, with Lauren O'Brien calling the active monitoring more stalkerish than simply noticing a status update.
The Lingerie Football Whoa
Lauren O'Brien defended boyfriend Matt Commerce's claim that his instant 'whoa' at lingerie football was about the players' hard hits, while Mikey and the others argued that their outfits plainly drove the reaction.
Jake Becomes a Frame Model
Mikey announced that a frame company chose a photo of his son Jake as the sample image shoppers would see inside frames sold in stores.
No Gifts Means No Gifts
Sienna objected to a ten-year-old's birthday invitation saying 'no gifts' and planned to send Jenna with a present anyway, while callers and the crew argued that she should respect or at least ask the parents.
The Airsoft Showdown
Mikey donned a poncho for an Old West-style airsoft duel, but Jay drew first, hit him repeatedly, and left him dancing around with several red welts.
The King-Size Meal
An email about a sedentary nine-year-old with obesity led Mikey to recall his own childhood diet and the enormous bacon, egg, fries, and tortillas feast he called his 'king-size meal.'
Jay Gets Bieber'd
The crew put Jay in a Justin Bieber wig and eyeliner, then fed him absurd lines for sixty seconds as he bewildered a Subway worker and finally announced that she had been 'Bieber'd.'
Booty Pop Underwear
Lauren O'Brien introduced padded Booty Pop underwear, prompting a comic argument over whether the body-shaping garment was useful, deceptive, or obviously fake.
Music for Kids with Autism
Mikey explained how music helped Jake and promoted a fundraiser providing music scholarships and mentorships to children with special needs whose families could not afford them.
Dolphins Save Turbo
Sienna tearfully told how dolphins stayed beside an exhausted Doberman named Turbo after he had treaded water for fifteen hours, making enough splashing for a neighbor to find and rescue him.
Mikey's Friday Testimony
Mikey described childhood sadness, sexual abuse, cruelty, shame, and alcohol addiction before saying that accepting Jesus at 33 changed how he faced pain and enabled him to stop drinking and taking pills.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsyLauren O'BrienSiennaJayM1NYCMatt CommerceJakeRebeccaJennaJustin BieberWhitney Cummings
29,021 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Welcome to the Mikey Show on a Friday with a live studio. Love it. We got a studio audience and we got a heck of a day planned for you. You guys picked the right day to come. Catered breakfast from McDonald's this morning. Now, hang on a minute. Now, hang on a minute. Before everybody starts freaking out, let me just tell you that we're talking about the quintessential McDonald's feast. All right. What are we talking here, Sienna? We're talking some McMuffins, right? Yeah. Looks like two sausage egg McMuffin with a sandwich. How about that? Sandwich. Feast time. And then it's a little sweeter. They say make your day a little sweeter with the new McCafe caramel macchiato. What? Caramel mocha. Okay, yeah. I've been hearing a lot about these drinks. They're good. I'm loving it. Chances I've put down four of something. 100%. Doesn't even matter what it is. That's right. Maybe even a million.
Let's see. Okay, so real quick. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I'm 40. Woodsy is 35. He's our sports guy. Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as LOB, is our news girl. No, sorry. It's one of those days. I'm already telling you. It's one of those days. Here we go. I know. I woke up real early. How early? 9.30 p.m. last night. 12.30. Oh, my gosh. 12.30. Wow. L.O.B. is our assistant producer. Sienna's our news girl. And Jay is our producer. And our phone screener's Chris. Let's grow. Let's grow. I grow. Let's see. Word of the day is cafe. Okay, so when you hear me say the word cafe, between now and 10 a.m., caller number nine. Gets a UFC 127 pay-per-view. And that's good for tomorrow night. And also a pair of anarchy or angel sunglasses, depending on who you are. So there you go. And you can call us. 570-1949 is our phone number. And our text, 949mikey at gmail.com. Doing a charity thing tonight.
for autism that I'll tell you about later on. And something that is really cool, you know, because it's about music and autism and how music really helps kids with autism. It did for our son, Jake. And so we'll be talking about that. Let's see. M1NYC, originally from San Diego, but in New York City, right? Yes. That's pretty awesome. How are you doing? I'm doing a lot better. That's awesome. I know M1NYC talked about her on the air a couple of weeks ago. She listens to the podcasts and found us. And she used to always skip over my testimony on Friday and decided one day she was going to listen to it. And she did. And it gave her inspiration to stop taking pills. And you've done that and you've been pretty successful at it, right? Right. I wanted to call in just, number one, to say thank you so much to all of you. I was too scared to reach out to people kind of in my family, my close friends. And in listening to that testimony, I just, I knew I needed to change. And since, I think it was like a Wednesday, since then,
I've been on my schedule. I've been tapering down, and I'm going to be off soon. That's so awesome. So awesome. That is great. That is great. Well, I'm glad to hear that you're doing well and that you're doing better. She's going to be getting married, which is really cool. Congrats. Thank you. Yeah. How does that feel? Oh, boy. Wow. That was a sharp. That was a sharp pointed question, I would say. That would be a sharp pointed question. In case you missed it, L.O.B. just said, how's that feel? What's that like? What's that like? L.O.B., I was there for a long time. It's a nice place. Listen. I wanted to, if you don't mind, can I just say something real quick? Sure.
It's just about the testimony for all the M1s. If you're afraid to hold that mirror up like I did, just give it a chance because it's not every day. You can save your own life. That's cool. That's what I did. Give it a chance. Pretty powerful. That's awesome. Thank you. Thank you. It's good to finally hear your voice. We've communicated. never with her calling in. So that's pretty cool. I'm glad to have you there. Is it a cold day in New York City? It's rainy and freezing. Oh, wow. I wish I was over there. Yeah. All right. Well, cool. Thank you for calling. Absolutely. Thank you all so much. You got it. We'll see you. Let's see, 570-1949 or 949mikey at gmail.com if you want to give us a call. 8 o'clock, Jay gets Bieber'd. Wow. We will send Jay out in the Justin Bieber wig. No. And Jay actually had a suggestion for it that I like. The thing that made it difficult last time when I did it is we needed a good ending.
Like there needed to be a good end spot. And so Jay said, well, what if you guys give me words and I have to use the words like the incorporator, but it has an end point. Right. You know, so there's only so many words that he's got to use. And at least then it's got an end point. Now, we can either do that or we can time it. So we go, you got 60 seconds, and as much as we can get you to say in 60 seconds, you know what I mean? I like that. So it's like the Incorporabieber. The Incorporabieber. Yeah. It's like the Incorporabieber. The Bieberator. The Bieberator. That's right. So anyway, that's happening at 8. And also, Jay and I are going to be doing a Old West shootout. Now, people may be wondering why. The reason that we're going to do this. Oh, my gosh. The reason that we're going to do this is because I've mentioned this on the air before. I was up late one night. The TV was on. Yeah. And they were showing. What were they showing? What was on? There are people that do competitive, you know, Old West. Quick draw. Quick draw. And I thought it looked cool.
You want to be one of these people. Yes. It was really cool in 1875. Oh, yeah. It was one of the coolest things. How dare you. It was all the rave. Yes. And all the rage. All the rage. That's what I said. Easy, Jay. So I'm going to put on a poncho. You just call it getting dressed. Just getting dressed. Guys, I'm going to get dressed. I'm going to put on a poncho and a sombrero. And we're going to have protective masks on. I can't wait. And we're going to do a duel. We're going to stand back to back, walk a few paces, then turn and fire. Draw and fire. I can't wait. Are you scared? Is it going to hurt? Yes. It's, what kind of thing? They call it airsoft guns. Man, they sure look real. Where do you get all this, Jay? I've been collecting for years. He's a big kid. He just has all this stuff lying around his garage. He's a big kid. You never know when you're going to need it. Don't try it at home. You know, we are two adult men. Are we? So we're going to do this, and it's going to be fun. So that's coming up in a little bit.
Sienna, where is the cheapest gas in San Diego? Well, I have a few, and they're based on locations in San Diego like North County. They're saying one of the best ones, North County Coastal, is the BP. ARCO, which is on East Mission Road in Fallbrook. Also, North County Inland. You spend more money driving to Fallbrook to get the gas. Well, this is why I'm telling you the different locations, because if you live by it, then that's the one you should go to. That's really far, though. North County Inland, the Vons on West Felicita Avenue. Central County Coastal. The 7-Eleven on University Avenue in Hillcrest. Golden State, which is on El Cajon Boulevard. Old Town Avenue. There's the Arco right at Moore Street. There's an Arco at Fairmont Avenue. Now, these are, again, all the cheapest gas stations in San Diego. I'm seeing a trend with Arcos. Arco on Lake Murray Boulevard. The Costco.
Town Center Parkway in Santee. Costco's a great place to buy gas, but you always have to wait. The line is 50 cars to eat. Obviously, if you're a member, that's what makes it cheap. Gas station called Quick Corner on Mission Gorge Road. And Costco, Chula Vista, and the Gas Depot on North 2nd Street in El Cajon. There you go. the cheapest gas stations in San Diego right now. The Arco, a tip for that, it's 45 cents extra if you use your debit card. So if you can, pay in cash. Nice. That's a good idea. And the reason they're giving out these lists, in case you didn't know, is because of all the political problems in the Middle East right now. Gas prices are going up. In fact, oil prices climbed as high as... $103.41 per barrel yesterday. Holy cow. Which is a 15% increase since the start of last week. Wow. Let me tell you something. Yeah. It's good news for a certain LOB. Yeah. Just in time. Just bought an SUV. Finally. Excuse me. She got a new car. Excuse me? No. You were not listening? She got a new car. I knew for six months you had been looking. Yeah. She got a new one. It's a CRV. Yeah. So it's kind of a hybrid.
type of SUV. It's not a full on. Yeah. Guess what color it is. White. No. No. Green. You know what color it also isn't? It's also not Mexican. That's what color it is. Brown. What color do you think it is? From the room. Yeah. Of course. I thought it'd be bigger. I think it's black. Like my man. It's the perfect size. It really is. Yeah. Because it's not quite an SUV, but it's not quite a car. What is it? 7,000 miles to the gallon? Or what does it get? 400,000? You know what it has on there that's really cool? The little meter will move and show you how many MPGs you're getting based on how fast you go. And if you're like, you know, you have to stay at a steady pace. So I'm obsessed with trying to get it over 30 miles per gallon. I bet you are. You have it now. She's one frugal girl.
Why didn't I know this? You were playing on your phone, I think, when we all talked about it. L-O-B? Mm-hmm. How many, on average, how many miles to the gallon are you getting? So far, it looks to be about just under 30. Oh, wow. That's awesome. Now, I'm obsessed with keeping it there. But, yes. Sometimes if I... She has to drive 25 miles an hour on the freeway? No. 85. It tends to be, if you sit at 70, it tends to be the best place you get the best miles per gallon. Yeah. Weird. Congratulations. Yeah, thanks. That's right. It took eight months. Two and a half men has been canceled. Yes. Now, we all know everything Charlie Sheen's been going through, you know, rehab, having a lot of problems. Well, earlier this week, he was on a radio show, the Alex Jones show, and just basically went off on his show. A lot of statements he was saying, just going, you know, saying.
that his show was bad, that the people he worked with are idiots. Here's a quote. He said, if the show was canceled, he would, quote, go make movies with superstars instead of working with these idiots. If I was told I went on the attack, then they would cancel the show and all that. So I'm just sort of seeing if they're telling the truth or not. So he's testing the producers and the creators of Two and a Half Men, and they heard this, obviously, earlier this week on The Alex Jones Show. canceled the show oh wow at least for now they canceled the rest of this season um because i've read a couple things saying the show's canceled and i've said that this season is for sure canceled but um after they announced the cancellation of course charlie sheen came out again and needed to say something else here we go we got some stuff it seems like there's some people uh in your life that are trying to demonize you they're doing these vanity cards talking about how they're going to outlive you it seems pretty darn aggressive Yeah, I didn't care about that vanity card. In fact, I went, you know, one of the few comments clown has paid me in freaking almost a decade. And not to completely discount. If I bring up, there's no reason to... Sounds happy. Yeah. You know, bring them back into the fold because I have real fame. They have nothing. They have zero. They have that night. And they will get out there as they think about me and my life the rest of their life. So there's no challenge somebody, you know?
How are you so arrogant? How is someone that arrogant? Pride comes before the fall. Yeah, exactly. He's scared. He's scared. He's speaking out of being scared. And you know they're in trouble when you're reaching out to TMZ to give your statements after your show is canceled. He said, I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows. I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth is what he told TMZ yesterday. Oh, wow, man. Yeah. In a written statement. Poor John Cryer. What's he going to do? I know. Guy hadn't done anything in 20 years anyway. Now he's like, great. Thanks, man. Well, I'm sure he has plenty of money from that show. If they tried to do a spinoff. Oh, it would fail. Yeah. Without the dynamic, it would probably fail. You can't do it. Oh. God, man. See, that's what's a bummer about it is that it affects so many people's lives. Exactly. It's not a one-man show. It's been on the air for a while, though, you know? The end was coming sooner or later. Let's see. Did you know that now it has been a year since Chelsea King? No way. Hard to believe. When is today the one year? Yesterday was the day that she went for a run in Rancho Bernardo and never returned, but missing. So this is basically the weekend when the community got together and just went through everything and found her. It was just so sad. Yeah.
But it's hard to believe it's already been a year. Yeah, it is. This weekend, as we were talking about yesterday, is going to be rainy and cold. Perfect. Kicking off today. Oh, boy. Get ready. Let's see what it looks gray outside. It already looks gray. I know. It looks like Birmingham. It does. It's a nice London morning, isn't it? It looks gorgeous. It looks like crap. No, it looks like a loo. A loo. Rain's supposed to arrive this afternoon. And not only rain is coming, cold is coming. It's going to be cold. So, you know, bring a jacket. Guys, don't pack umbrellas in your car because that's weak. But just pack a jacket. Windbreaker. With a hoodie. A hoodie, yeah. Sienna said the other day that she thinks when she sees guys carrying an umbrella, she thinks they look dorky. A little femme. I agree now. No, really? Yeah, you know. I don't want to deal with that thought. Yeah, it's a true thought. I'm sorry. I don't want to deal with that. I want to just be fine with using my umbrella and not feel like I'm completely pansy. You do the manicures and the pedicures and all that stuff. That doesn't stop you? Yeah, I know, but nobody sees me when I do that. We'll see your nails afterwards. They're not buffed anymore. It just looks like I cut my nails. I gotcha. It just looks like I'm regularly groomed.
Women get stereotyped all the time, and we do our hair, do our makeup, all kinds of stuff for you guys. So I'm allowed to have an opinion that guys look weak holding umbrellas. Fine. If there's a girl with you, it's okay. Yeah, there you go. Well, I'll take my wife every time I have to use her. Just keep a dummy in your car. Umbrella. Get the HOV lane, too. So what was the stalker app that we were talking about on Facebook? What was it? Okay, this is a new app that began this week. And basically, you're able to monitor. if someone's in a relationship. So say, Mike, I have a crush on you and you're married to Rebecca and I really want to know if your marriage falls apart. Not only marriage, just boyfriend or girlfriend, anyone. The hot secretary at your office. I click on your page so that I can follow your relationship status. That person whose page I've clicked on doesn't know I did that. So if that person were to be separated and to update their status and say now single, you would immediately get an email saying that your crush is now single. A notification. Yes. And you could do that to however many people you want. But they're calling it the stalker app because it kind of is. And a lot of people had a problem with it. And Facebook has taken it down.
The thing that I think is kind of dumb about people having a problem with it is that if they're your friend, meaning that they're your friend on Facebook, if they change their relationship status, you're going to see it anyway. Right. But it's more stalkerish to sign up to see it. It's like you're rooting for it to fail. Yeah, that's true. But a lot of people were on board because the first 36 hours it launched, 700,000 visits in the first 36 hours. People downloaded the app. It says 40,000 times. Just a couple days later, the app had more than 3.6 million downloads and 90,000 Facebook likes. This is what I'm fascinated in. 9,000 Facebook likes, I'm sorry. 9,000. Still a lot. Let me tell you what I'm the most fascinated by. What is the breakdown of men and women? What is the breakdown of men and women? 90, 10. No, half and half. I think half and half. I bet you it is. See, initially I thought, well, it's just a guy app. Only guys would do that. And then I went, I keep finding out women are bigger creeps than I think. That's true. Me too. Women seem to like.
the guys that are taken more than guys like the girls that are taken. True story. Why? I don't know. It's like if there's a wedding ring on a guy's finger, you're like, oh, some girl likes you. There must be a reason. And you're into commitment. You're willing to commit. It's true. So I would say 50-50 about it. This is the woman's thought. Oh, I need one of you. You already did it once. You'll do it again. And clearly I'm better. I'm better than she is. Whatever that is. Taylor Swift syndrome. I wear blue jeans and t-shirts. She wears a cheerleader outfit, so you don't want her. Don't we? I don't know. Either or. It's the dumbest song I've ever heard in my life. It's a stereotype I was just talking about. What? High heels. Which is when I compare it to me not wanting you to hold an umbrella. Some guys. Wait, I thought you could speak for all guys. I thought that was part of the conversation. Oh, man. I thought all guys thought the exact same thing. Yeah, wasn't that what we talked about? If you'd like, we can have this rumble in the jungle. Let's do it. It's going to get really heated again. Let's not rumble. Let's just make snide remarks. Yeah, I like that. Just passive aggressive. Come on. I'll explain. I'll explain. A lot of people. Raise your hand.
Probably most people did not get to hear this. Raise your hand if you heard the conversation about BFMC, Lauren's boyfriend, Matt Commerce, at the end of our program yesterday. He called in. Two people. Two people. That's it. So most people didn't hear it because it happened so late in the show. But L.O.B. revealed that one time she was having a day where she didn't feel good about herself. She said sometimes women have these days where they just feel fat. And sad. And sad. Self-conscious. And she felt this way. And on that particular day, she saw, and I'll phrase this, she saw this new sport, which was women playing football in lingerie. Using quotations. Finger quotes on sport. Yeah, finger quotes on sport. It's women playing football in lingerie. L.O.B.'s B.F.M.C. was in the room and she said, look at this, babe. And he looked at the video of it and went, whoa. Immediately. Immediately. And it upset L.O.B. and she may have cried. Couple times. Couple times and gotten upset at him, infuriated with him, very upset, angry at him. Now, Matt, after this upset.
Kind of moment. Matt explained to her that the only reason that he went, whoa, was because they were hitting so hard. Which is true. You're putting a slant on the story. You're putting a slant on the story. A huge slant. The only reason. You never said the only reason. He said the reason that I went, whoa, is because these girls were hitting so hard. Okay, yeah, I mean. I can't deny the fact that, yeah, they were in lingerie. Right. But the reason, the initial reason, the first thing that hit me was, whoa, these girls are hitting hard. Like Troy Polamalu. Any smart man that's been in a relationship with a sensitive woman for years is going to let it slip that he's saying, whoa, about lingerie. He knows better. He's thinking nice hits. Yeah. See. Take Hillary's joke and recycle it. Well, Hillary's joke was rhymes with hits. Yes. Right. Which is what he liked. Right. That was Hillary's joke. But see, I tend to think that even though a guy knows what his girl is like, I tend to think that it's sort of this thing that happens when we go to the doctor's office and we sit down and the doctor takes a little thing that looks like a mallet, hits us on the knee.
And our knee goes. But what about when he's walked in and I'm watching a movie with naked women on there? Yeah. And he hasn't reacted. Yes. Yeah. The reason. Why react for football? Because it's pretty crazy and he's never seen it. Now, he's probably seen boobs before. I think so. Yeah. He's probably seen. You're arguing our case right now. Right. Right. Probably more than that. But what he hasn't seen is girls playing football in lingerie. Now, it doesn't have to be football, okay? It could be that they were playing lawn darts in lingerie. And he probably would have gone, whoa! Well, the thing is, we have watched... And then he would have said, but wait, I've played lawn darts before. We have watched women surf in bikinis. We have watched... We're used to that. Women play volleyball in bikinis. True. You know what you haven't, though? You haven't seen women surf or play volleyball.
in lingerie. If you did, he'd probably go and so would I. Technically, it's not lingerie. It's not a negligee that you would see. It's more like bikinis. Trust me. I did a study on it yesterday. It's more like a bikini. In fact, it covers more than a bikini. It looks like lingerie. It's called the best of both worlds. You got football and hot chicks. It's the best of both worlds. You're getting ripped off if that looks like lingerie to you. But I'll tell you what. I eventually had to say and kind of go, all right, I don't know Matt. Patronize. That's a better word for it. All men are different. Gay men are different than straight men. That's what you meant, I think. It is possible that he saw football and was like, whoa, these girls are out there and they're Ray Lewis and each other. He was not denying the fact that they were hot. And that what they were wearing looked hot. Right. I'm not denying that. He was not denying that. Right. The only thing up for debate right here is within the first .3 seconds of it, him seeing it saying, whoa, was in reaction to the women wearing less padding than guys do during football, but still hitting. They're really playing football aggressively. Which is just, you know. It's not something you see every day. Yeah. Can we agree?
On that. Yes. Okay. Can we agree on this? In fact, it's so crazy and unusual. Yeah. That they're wearing lingerie and playing football. Yes. Well, that. Yes. That maybe he thought that was pretty hot. Is it not unusual that they are hitting like that regardless of whether or not they're wearing lingerie? Is that something you see every day? What? Women playing football? Yes. No. You don't see that every day. If they were fully clothed. Which is why I finally gave in and said the reason that he reacted in those first .5 seconds. .2. .2. Is not because they were hot, sexy blondes dressed up looking like strippers. They weren't all blondes and they didn't look like strippers. Some of them were raven haired beauties. But I'll tell you this. They were all hot. Latina angels. I believe. Tanned legs. Tanned legs. Yeah. I believe. You can see. And anywhere else. You can't see that on the internet. You can't see that in magazines. You can't see that on TV. You can't see that in the movies. You can't see that anywhere. In the lingerie. Matt and any man would have loved the fact that they were in lingerie, but I honestly believe that if they were fully clothed in the same football uniforms that men wear, he would have seen the girls playing, hitting, and still have gone, oh! Listen, absolutely. They could have been playing baseball in lingerie.
No, we're not talking about it. You're not listening. They could have been wearing full on. Full covered up. Covered. Same thing that male football players wear. Oh, oh, oh. And still would have said, whoa. Gotcha. Because of how they were playing. Gotcha. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, sure you believe that. And I said from now on, I will defer to you for anything I need to know about Matt. Oh, I'm the expert. Yeah. You know. The fact that you know more about men supersedes what I know about the guy I've been dating for over. Especially since Matt even called in yesterday and said. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. And defended himself and said exactly what Lauren was saying and said, no, seriously, guys, it's the truth. And Mike said, no, it's not. He said, in fact, I don't deny that it didn't hurt that they have those outfits on. Oh. Oh. He said, but that wasn't why the freak out. Yes, exactly. Matt, he's known for honesty. I will have to say, it doesn't hurt, you know, that they're wearing lunch. No, no. He's a man. But he said the initial freak out was, first thing he saw was helmet, shoulder pads. First thing I saw. Girls knocking each other out. Yeah, me too. First thing ever.
guy in this room would see. Right. I saw the tight end real good. Matt's a good guy. That's what I saw, okay? He's a good guy. But I'll defer to you. Does it make him a bad guy? No, he doesn't lie. She makes him a guy. He speaks to him a guy. You didn't get my text this morning, I guess. Which one? I asked you if Matt likes cilantro. Oh. I wanted to know if he knew. You must not have got my text. What was that? I wanted to sell you some beachfront property in Arizona. Oh. Big laugh right there. You're a dead man. You're a dead man. I had a dream last night that me and L.O.B. Killed each other? We were at an amusement park. We were at an amusement park. We were standing in line and we were making inappropriate jokes. That would happen. That could happen. And I was like, did it have anything to do with that conversation about Matt?
And then she was trying to convince me yesterday off the air that she doesn't hate me. She was, I mean, she had to. I had to say it in Spanish. She goes, hey. She goes, Mike, I don't hate you. And I go, yes, you do. Yes, you do. And she goes, I don't. And I go, you do, you do. And then she goes, Mike. And I wouldn't respond. She goes, Mike. I wouldn't respond. She goes, hey, niño. Me encanta. This is great. Oh, wow. Okay, so there's a new thing with kids. And when I say kids, I mean, like, teenagers? I think. And I don't even know. Like, we'll play this for you, and then I want to get feedback. Kelly Ripa, you know that chick? Kelly Ripa? Yeah, yeah. She was on Jimmy Kimmel. Little Angel. And she told a story. I'm going to play for you. It's something about her son and what her son told her. Times are changing because I would have never told my mom this.
I want to know, is this like the new bit with teenagers? Like, this is what they do? Oh, boy. I don't know. I'm going to ask parents that have teenagers. M1 Nation, you listen to this clip, and you tell me when we come back. Jay gets Bieber'd at 8. Lucky me. Me and Jay will have an Old West duel at 7.30 using what? Airsoft. Airsoft. You're using Airsoft. I'm using a 35 millimeter. Great. Oh, my God. Yay. 35 millimeters. You know that. 35 millimeters of camera. Dang it. I can't get there in the door now. That's great. You can use a 35 millimeter. I'm going to take pictures of it. That's awesome. It's a duel. I wish I knew something about pistols. All right. Let's see. Word of the day is cafe. When you hear cafe between now and 10 o'clock, caller number nine.
We'll get a UFC 127 pay-per-view and a pair of sunglasses, depending on whether or not you're a man or a woman, angel, or anarchy. Excuse me. So there you go. Grab the mic. Jay's getting... How are you doing with that, with your illness? I'm dying still. You are? I'm dying. You sound better. I just don't feel any better. You don't? I'm... Doped up again. Oh, man. I thought that you were the Iron Man. I didn't think that you could get sick. Well, it just kind of gets in you, and Kim is done with me. It's real inspiration for eating healthy and jogging and hiking. Everybody gets sick. You're the only one that hasn't gotten sick. Everybody. I blast cigs and eat McDonald's. You were sick. You don't, Woodsy. I don't get sick. I haven't seen Woods where he's coughing and hacking. One day. One day he had. I came in and drank a ton of that stuff that he had. I was looped up, but one day I was out. Tonight, Rebecca and I are both going to... This is the first time for Rebecca. She must be coming out of her skin. But tonight, there's a thing called Banding Together.
local nonprofit that has to do with autism. And it's going to be at Liberty Station in Point Loma at a place called Arts. And it's happening from six to eight tonight. Love to invite anybody that can come down there to come down there because it's raising money that will go to scholarships for something that we paid for for Jake. But a lot of kids, they can't afford it. Their parents can't afford it. And they may have kids with autism. And what it is, is it's these music programs that help kids learn music and music. changes kids with autism it really does help them and so we'll be there tonight and there's going to be it's 40 bucks and that's wine appetizers dessert and all that stuff and some of these kids with special needs that have been helped through these music services have learned how to play a couple of them are going to perform tonight and it's really really cool you can go to banding together sd.org if you want to buy tickets or buy tickets at the door again it's Arts at Liberty Station, and Rebecca and I are starting the night off by both getting on stage and talking about what it did for Jake. Wow. How awesome, dude. She has never done that. Yeah. She's never gotten on stage. My wife is the shyest. She'll call in and be on the air, but she doesn't get up in front of people. Very quiet. Very quiet. Reserved. It must mean a lot to her. Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking about... Don't. Don't.
Don't. Don't prank her. Don't mess with her. You do. Don't you dare. You have to. Whatever. She's never going to do it again. Just picture this. Oh, my God. Just get the visual of this. Monster. We both have microphones, right? Don't do it. We get up, and I talk for a second. Hey, everybody. Just want to thank you for coming out. My wife apparently wants to do all the talking, so I'm going to let her go. Oh, my gosh. Give her a second of panic. She'll. She'll fight right back and be like, no, that's funny, dear. It's something. She'll get something. She'll go, oh, I finally get to get a word in edgewise with Mikey as my husband. She'll say something good. All right. I guess I can speak now. I guess we'll have to just wait. She'll be great. When she got on the air during the MikeyCon. Not a dry eye. Not a dry eye in the county. Yeah. Just incredible. Okay. So let me play you this clip. And I just want to know. Is this what 13-year-old kids are doing now? Oh, boy. You tell me. Hey, your son is a 13-year-old son. Kelly Ripa, talking about her 13-year-old. And was he upset that he did not get to come? He was actually very, he was thrilled. You know, the less time he spends with us, the happier he is. More alone time in the bathroom.
Well, there is a new Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, you know. I've never seen a kid come out of the bathroom and still be dirty. I'm like, what are you doing in there? He's like, you know. It's like that new, it's the new parenting now. It's where your kids tell you too much. Yeah. Can we go back to where I pretended I didn't know anything about you? Yeah, and there's like, there's, you know, there's horror and frustration and silence and all of those things. And guilt. Good old fashioned guilt. Good old fashioned guilt. Never in a million years would I ever admit to my mom that I did that. Oh, he's never going to again. I can't believe she said that. No, no, no. Well, it sounds like he feels pretty comfortable. And maybe that's the new teenage bit. Like, oh, yeah, I could say whatever. Like, you know, but all I know is that and then I thought about it and I was like, well, what am I going to?
What would I say to my kid, you know? What you do in there is your business, all right? Just don't tell me about it. I don't want to know. I don't come out here and tell you when I do number two. Yeah, here's some lotion. Treat yourself. Yeah, treat yourself. Special occasions. Stop it, boys. What did I do? I didn't do anything. That noise you just heard was Mikey's forehead hitting his microphone very hard. Don't you want your kids to be able to tell you anything? Yes. You want to have that relationship? I'd have to talk with them, though. I'm going to have to talk with them. Yeah, you'd have to talk with them about that. I don't know. I would never say that in front of my parents either. Of course, mom caught me a couple times, but that's just the rite of passage growing up, isn't it? Oh my gosh. I hope not. If I have boys, I sure hope not. Who hasn't caught you? Fair enough. Fair enough. Maybe I lock a door. Yeah. I'm mortified. Yeah, I don't... I'm really uncomfortable. That's not normal. No. That's not normal. It's very normal. It's normal. That teenagers say that stuff to their parents? Yeah.
No. No. I mean, Jay. Even buddies. I mean, you never told. Buddies, Jay, is different than your mom. Way different than your mom. What's the difference between telling your buddy and telling your mom? And even like if your dad were to catch you and you were a guy, like I could maybe see given like a look. Yeah. But never to a mom. Yeah. A knowing glance. A mom doesn't know that what he's going through. Different time. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. My mom reacted poorly. She had a family intervention. I told you about that. She found. She found a Playboy, and she thought that the world was on its end. So they had the entire family sitting around a campfire. We were camping. We thought it was a campfire. They waited until camping? Yeah, we were camping. Because she found it right before, because I had it hidden in the camper. It was right around the bubonic place. You brought it in the camper? No, no. See, with the camper... Get the horn ready. The camper came off the truck and would sit in the driveway. So when the camper wasn't in use, it was like my clubhouse. My penthouse. Yeah, my penthouse. Many a hand-to-hand combat went on. Good God, good God, good God. But anyway, she found it and then it was, the whole family, you could see my brother-in-law, they were all snickering there. But they were all trying to act serious like it was a big deal.
And so what happened? She just brought it up. She goes, and she actually had it. She brought it out. And she's like, this is what you, you know, and I was like. In front of everyone, like sitting in a circle around the campfire. How old were you? Oh, my gosh. I must have been. About 17. 31, 32. I was probably like 12 or 13. Oh, my gosh. What did you say? I just said, you know what? I don't know. It's not mine. She threw it in the fire. Oh. No! Burn! Burn in there! That belonged to the whole neighborhood. All the kids on the block. You told me you were combing your hair. That one's Sean from Claremont. Hey, what's going on, Mikey? How you doing, man? Doing pretty good. So what happened with you? Well, I think it's totally normal nowadays with the computer generation and the way kids are being raised and everything they see. Yeah. I mean, it's really not a big deal. Yeah. You know? It really is. Yeah. No, it really isn't. I have a 12-year-old son, and I've seen him checking out my Playboys. But you're a guy. Well, I also have a 16-year-old daughter, and, you know, she's, you know, in high school. What do high school girls do? But would she talk to you about it? Isn't that the big difference? Other than, I mean, we all know what kids are up to. We know what they're doing. But would they talk to me like, yeah, you know.
Well, she tells her mom everything. You know, her mom talks to me, and I confronted her on a specific issue. And she was openly, you know, oh, I didn't know I could tell you that kind of stuff. Yeah. Well, I'm going to openly talk to my kids about sex, no doubt about it. But, you know, I want them to, just like every parent, they're going to know what my values are in terms of, you know, sex and all that stuff. Just like every parent, that's what they pass on. You pass on whatever your values are. So I really think it depends on the kid, too, because when I'm thinking about I have two sisters and I always told my mom, you know, I told her like little bits of stuff growing up. My sister Avalon doesn't tell my mom. Anything. Nothing. And my mom's like, gosh, give me something. Waverly tells my mom everything. Too much. Really? You know, so it's just we're all different. Yeah. And it depends on the kid and how comfortable they are. Right. Because all of us were different in what we told my parents. Right. You know, so I don't even think it's the parenting. It's just the kid. It's such a trip. Yeah. How different. And I can't wait to see, you know, what my kids are going to be like and what they're, you know, right now. I just I don't know what they're going to be like. But.
Well, you know Jake is going to have a strong affinity for blondes. Yeah. That is true. He loves blondes. Yeah. And Mariah Carey. Guess what I found out yesterday. What? Jake has been chosen. Now, we're not getting paid for this, so I don't want everybody going, isn't this what you said not to do, blah, blah, blah. There's a company that makes frames, and they chose Jake to be the picture. Yes! Wow! Why wouldn't that? That's in there, you know, where they sell it. So when they sell it. It's Jake. It's Jake. Oh my God. Dude, that's incredible. He's one of the cutest kids you'll ever see. We didn't like seek this. Right. The way that it happened was that the photographer that took the picture of him laughing. Yeah. There's going to be a art exhibit in Encinitas. And the whole art exhibit is. You know, photography, painting, anything that has to do with art. And the theme is laughter. And so the photographer that took the pictures of Jake asked us, hey, is it OK if I submit this picture? Because it's really great. This picture of Jake laughing. And we said, yeah, sure. Well, the woman knows a woman. She deals with a company that makes these beautiful frames and they're sold everywhere. Like, you know.
Oh, Aaron Brothers and anywhere you buy frames and stuff. Well, they really like this picture of Jake and wanted to know if they could use it as the insert. Whenever you buy a frame, there's a picture already in there so that you can see, oh, this is what a framed picture will look like. And it gives the size and all that stuff. And so we said, yeah, sure. That is cool. So cool. Kind of cute. That's awesome. So Jake's going to be. The little model for the frame. Why not? Yeah. Did they offer you anything? No. No, they didn't offer us anything. We just said, yeah. And I feel better about it that way. Yeah, absolutely. But I feel like an offer should have been made. They'll be making money on it. Yeah, I don't care. And if they did, I'd give it to Children's. Yeah, and that would be nice. But that was one of the things. I mean, we told the photographer, we said, you know, with Jake's condition, with him having autism, the fact that that's... It's possible, you know, that that's a thing. You know, that's really cool. It's so cool. Yeah. He's a kid, man. Good Lord. Really cool for us. Yeah. Yeah, his new bit is looking in the mirror. Maybe we stop that. Aww. What do you mean? I mean, he looks at himself. He's like his Uncle Woods. Like he's, like, fixing his hair like Uncle Woods. With just fake styling his hair right now in the mirror. Yeah, his new bit.
Is walking by a mirror and stopping. Checking himself out. Yes. All kids do that. That's normal. Yeah. Kids love it. That's normal. Yeah. They do that. They do. They're just so interested in how they're changing. Really? They're interested like Fonzie? Yeah. Because that's what he's doing. She's like. Well, he did start carrying a comb in his back pocket. And wearing a leather jacket. And saying, hey. Hey. He was at my house and actually hit the refrigerator and ice cubes fell out of the fridge. Called Mikey Pops. Yeah, head pops. Uncle Victor is real serious about this public service announcement that he's doing. Oh, wow. Yeah. This is Uncle Victor for quit calling the bank so much. Leave it alone. Why don't you quit calling the bank? I told you that it'll cash. Yeah. Quit calling and talking to the manager. If I tell you that I wrote you, if I write you a check for my company, you got to give it time sometimes, all right? You don't worry about it. The money's there. Hey, this is Uncle Victor for...
Whatever you freaking do, quit calling the bank. I'm not kidding you. I'm serious. I urge you to not call the bank anymore. I'll write you a check personally for my account. Listen, the guy doesn't want the bank calling him anymore. Saying someone's really trying to cash this check. Wow. And it's not clearing. I think that's his point. That would be my new favorite. That's his thing. All right. So we got some stuff we got to do. Least of which is movie plot hot potato. 5701949. Call us right now and play a little movie plot hot potato with us. What do we got as a prize, Jay?
We have all kinds of cool stuff. We have UFC 127 on pay-per-view on Cox Advanced TV. Got to read you Sienna's recap, too, because this is going to fire some people up, and there will be other people that will be like, and we'll all be ladies and gentlemen when we discuss it. Coming up next. Could not get this song out of my head. This is our friend Rihanna Downey. She's got a new record out and is doing a... Show next week at the Belly Up on Wednesday. And I like her music. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Early this morning, around 5.07 a.m., a magnitude 5.7 earthquake shook Mexico's Gulf Coast, about 292 miles east-southeast of Mexico City in a Veracruz state. Did you say Mikey? I did. Okay.
No immediate reports of damage, but this just happened, so it's breaking news letting you know. Also, after thousands have been protesting in Wisconsin the last couple of days, the Wisconsin State Assembly passed a Republican bill this morning that basically strips most public workers of their collective bargaining rights. This fight is far from over. They're like standing in front of the Wisconsin building and everything and like gathering there. Yeah, the bill still needs to be passed. through the state senate. So we'll see about that and we'll hear a lot more about it because it's a big thing going on right now. Also, with oil prices increasing, you know what that means. Airfare is increasing. To give you some perspective, since the beginning of this year, airlines have already increased their fares four times since... January 1st. And last year, the whole year of 2007, they only increased three times. So already four times in not even three months. Yeah. You know, money's going up. And the average cheapest round trip fare on average is $367 at any of the top 50 airports in the country, which is 10% higher than this time last year. Wow. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Sports is brought to you today by Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot gets...
One of the biggest days in San Diego sports history tomorrow. No kidding. It's the No. 6 Aztecs against the No. 7 BYU Cougars. This thing has been sold out for months. There's 12,414 seats in there. They're all going to be filled. We will not be in there. We won't be anywhere near there, unfortunately. Yeah, it's nationally televised. Nationally. Game starts at 11. 11 a.m. Go Aztecs. 11 a.m.? Yes, sir. Wow. And Rex Ryan has put his foot in his mouth again and has guaranteed. A Super Bowl victory for his New York Jets. I believe this is the year we're going to do it. I believe this is the year that we're going to win the Super Bowl. And the fact is, I thought we'd win it the first two years. I guarantee we'll win it this year. And the reason I think we're going to win is because we're going to lock arms and we're going to find a way to get it done. And feet. From players, coaches, fans, we are going to lock arms. And feet. They're going to lock arms. That's their solution. That's their guarantee. That they are going to lock. arms and feet and figure out how to get it done. What if they do? That's, hey, ballsiest best coach in the NFL. Yeah. You know, if that's the case. If that happens. If that happens. A lot of pressure to put on you guys, though. Yeah. It is. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And our phone screener is Chris. It's Craw. It's Craw. That's Craw. Craw.
Word of the day is cafe. When I say that, between now and 10, be caller number 9 and you will get a UFC 127 pay-per-view and a pair of anarchy or angel sunglasses. Portraitprints.net. Basically, you take a picture and you turn it into a high-end looking portrait and you do it at portraitprints.net. It's our friend Jared. Amazing product. Better Business Bureau approved. And good stuff. And they do deals for Mikey Show listeners. So go there and check it out, M1s. Okay. Are we ready for movie plot hot potato? Yes. All right. Now, the way that movie plot hot potato works is Jay and Woods go back and forth tossing the hot potato. And they're going to describe movie plots to me. And I have to try to figure out what it is. And the last person with the hot potato in their hand is the loser. And they have to take a BB? Is that what we're going to do? Are we backing BBs? Okay, cool. BB to the boys? To the boys. BB to the boys. Don't try this at home. We're adults. Are we? M1 George from Del Cero. Who would you like to represent you? Please. You've got it. And M1 Lisa from Lakeside. You have Jay, okay? Okay. Hang on. All right. 60 seconds. Are you guys ready? Maybe. Here we go.
Okay, in this movie, this accountant gets put in prison, in a jail, and all he wants is a pick hammer. Shawshank Redemption. David Fincher directed. What's in the box? Seven. This is a family. He's the Don, and it's going to replace him. His reluctant son's going to have to take over the dynasty. The Godfather. Yes. This is John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson. Pulp Fiction. Good, Bad, and the Ugly. Jesse Eisenberg and Facebook. Yeah, the social network. Check out the big brain on Brad. Pulp Fiction. Christian Bale, Mark Wahlberg. This one's up for an Academy Award about boxing. The Fighter. This guy can't remember anything. He's a lot like you. Memento. Johnny Depp based his character on Keith Richards for this. The Pirates of the Caribbean. Natalie Portman. She's a ballet dancer. Black Swan. Rebecca stopped eating meat because of this movie. The Cove. This is a war movie from 1986. Charlie Sheen, William Dafoe. The Platoon. Johnny Knoxville and Company. Jackass. Yes! If it's in the air, he got rid of it. That means it was one.
Woods has not won in how long, dude? True. My goodness. My goodness. Woods is so excited right now. To the boys. Look at that. Everybody goes, oh. We got the BB gun. We got old Daisy. Look at that. Jay's standing against the wall. He's got on a helmet. Woods is pointing. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. I don't even look anymore. I just listen. I know. You know what we should do is I wish that we could get one of those high-speed cameras so that you could see in slow motion as it hits. Woods is the worst shot. He hits low. He does. He does. So we know that's not going to have an effect on Jay. I'll shoot you if you want, Jay. That's right. L.O.B.'s done it. I have a good shot. Let's see. That was a good one today. All right. So Sienna. Sienna's recap.
Her daughter, Jenna, daughter-in-law. Stepdaughter. Stepdaughter Jenna got a birthday party invitation in the mail. And it said something at the bottom of the invitation that seemed very weird to Sienna. Yes, it did. After giving all the party details, it said at the very bottom, in caps, with exclamation points. Yes. No gifts, please. Now, this is a nine-year-old's birthday party? Ten. Ten-year-old. Turning ten, little girl. Sienna says, what kind of parent deprives the kid of gifts on their birthday? Yeah. Yeah. You only turn ten once. Is it rude of me to bring a gift? Because there's no way I'm sending Jenna to that party empty-handed. I may even get the little girl an even better gift because now I know she may not be getting any others. Lame. If it were me and they say no gifts, I'm like, I don't want to rock the boat. I don't want to get any gifts. What? I want to rock the boat. It's a little kid's birthday. I get it. Rock that boat. You don't know what the parents have done for them. They might have done something really rad. Don't care. Oh, wow. Maybe they're in trouble. Make that kid happy. Don't care. It's a little kid's birthday. I mean, when you're little and you have a birthday party, you're staring at that.
present table and you're like oh yeah i'm gonna get into that thing and your mom says hey you know i'm not gonna say her name but you're not gonna get any presents from friends we'll get you stuff but i just don't i don't have the rocks to do it i don't have the rocks to do what sienna's gonna do to show up with but sienna let me tell you listen i don't either sienna is kind of ballsy yeah like she one time went to uh she overheard a conversation at a restaurant and went over to these guys and was like Yeah. So she don't have, you know, problems raging against the machine. When I feel strongly about something, I don't do it very often. I don't. But I just, you know, I'm a very maternal in a way that I just want to protect the kid always. And I feel like the kid is getting the short end of the stick here. And there's no way that was the kid's decision. What's up with that bit, by the way? What's up with that? I don't know. But I think you got to follow. I don't know. You got to follow their request. Right. My theory was they probably have maybe a few people close to them that are going through some sort of hard time. You know, it's, you know, kind of a bad economy right now. And they were like, let's just make everybody not bring gifts. Don't make people feel bad. That or the kid got in trouble. The kid could have gotten in trouble. Yeah. Could be about values. Maybe they're trying to teach this kid like, hey, listen, you know what it reminds me of?
Did anybody see the movie Mommy Dearest? Yes. Yeah, of course. No, why? Hang on. Exactly. Well, in the movie Mommy Dearest, it's about Joan Crawford, the movie star. She has an adopted daughter named Christina, and she used to kick the crap out of Christina. Terrible. Terrible. Well, one of the things that she did was she had this – she was rich, obviously. She had a mansion. In the backyard, she threw this gigantic birthday party, complete with like – You know, merry-go-rounds and carousels and horses and all this stuff. And all these people brought these beautiful gifts. And I mean, giant gifts that are wrapped. And at the end of the party, here's Christina. She's so happy. She can't wait to tear into him. And Joan Crawford says, Christina, dear, you get to open one present. And the rest we're giving away to charity. Oh, my God. Monster. Monster. And I mean, this kid was like. Oh, please, no. You always would go for, like, the biggest gift, too, and then it's, like, nothing. Yeah, yeah. But Mommy Dearest's thing was, like, she didn't, Mommy, Joan Crawford, didn't get to be privileged. And just because Joan Crawford has worked so hard, Christina shouldn't reap the benefits. Christina, you need to work hard to be able to get these things. Oh, my gosh, that movie gave me nightmares. Oh, yeah, it's crazy.
I mean, I don't want to rock the boat at all, but I think that if this child has done something wrong, then don't have a birthday party for her. You know what I mean? Gotta celebrate your birthday. Well, right. And I just, I mean, she's, this little girl's come to our house before. She's given Jenna presents. I just, there's no way. There's no way. No matter what, that kid's getting it. You've got to respect the parents' wishes, though. No. Don't you? The party is essentially for the parents. If they're saying, no, we still want to have the party, we just don't want to give her gifts, then they're making it about them. I'm just one of those people that can't show up anywhere empty-handed. Like, I want to bring something. Mikey Show, hello. Hi, this is Sandra Rossi calling. Oh, wow. Hi, Sandra. I am really upset with Santa. This is this parent's wishes, and if you did that, I would call you, and I would say, listen, B, I specifically wrote an invitation that said not to give presents, and you did it. I don't know what your problem is. You're going to call me a B because I brought your child a gift? I'm going to call you a B because you're trying to overhand me here, and I don't want my kid thinking that you're a better mom than I am just because you are.
I'm not saying I'm a better mom. In fact, that would never cross my mind. You're screaming. Because I don't know why anyone would do this. I'm very upset by this. I'm thinking about calling the police. Because of the way that you're shouting. Just don't invite my child. No, you need to invite my child to the next birthday party. But I don't know. You can't get mad. Well, if you buy my child a gift, I will go in the backyard with it. 97 octane on it. Whoa. Whoa, good stuff. Oh my gosh. And I'll light that phone bitch up. Whoa. Why? Because I've expressly given the invitation. No gifts. No gifts. Except for news girl at radio stations. Why did you put that on the invitation? Yeah. Because I'm trying to teach my daughter that sometimes in life presents are cool and sometimes they're not.
For instance. Don't have a party then. Yeah. They're always cool. My dear husband Wyatt threw a party for me one time. Okay. Now, I am 46 years old. My dear husband Wyatt is 97. Wow. And he threw me a party. Gold digger. I am not a gold digger. I think it was gold digger. I think he said. Yeah. Did he say coal? I think he said coal digger. Coal digger. I said gold digger. I think he said coal digger. Did he read about that in Maximum? I think so. All right. Well, anyway, I just wanted to let you know. Wow. She and I would not get along. No. I would bring a gift and say, look, I know it said no presents. I couldn't resist. Because when adults do that, I still bring something. There was an engagement party I was invited to, and it said, no gifts, please. And on the event, I wrote, sorry, I'm bringing a gift. Yeah, I mean, bring a bottle of wine. Bring something. Let's see. M1, Mike from Poway. Are you there? I'm here. Go ahead. So we're one of these no-gift parents. And let me explain maybe to Sienna a little bit about what's behind it.
If you've got a couple of kids under the age of five, you're going to sometimes two or three birthday parties a month. That can add up. And we've been in situations where we've gone to a party, and it's going to be the third one for the month. We couldn't afford much. Everyone else has these really nice gifts. We feel really bad with our cheap gifts. So I don't want to put anyone else in that position. So I say, look, no gifts. Why don't you give them a wooden clothespin? That's what we do. I get that. We hang our laundry, so we just give a wooden clothespin, me and Kim. It doesn't have to be an expensive gift, though. Yeah, it's not about the money. Like any birthday party that Jenna goes to, when I take her shopping for a gift, she gets excited picking something out for her friend, too. And it doesn't need to be something expensive, but it's also nice. for jenna to get to experience giving as well like i don't want her to go to the store to pick out gifts for her it's nice for her to pick out something to give to another child too that's part of the experience i have jasper give uh staples sometimes we'll give uh
Staples. With the stapler or just staples? No, just we individually take a staple off. Finn gave his sisters batteries one time, wrapped them up, and they were used batteries. So rad. Used batteries? Yeah, he was four or five. How proud were you? I was like, that's my boy right there. I'm giving pennies. M1, Mr. Dodgeball from San Diego, you there? What up, guys? Not too much, man. What do you think? I was like sitting there with a gift, you know what I mean? Like, either you send her without a gift, you know what I mean? Or... She doesn't go. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's what they certified in there. I think you're just causing a rift. Yeah. I can't do that. What if it's something small? I can't. Because then what if everybody else ignores it? Yeah, send Mikey with her. Put you in a shoebox? Like, something that Jenna loves, our littlest pet shop, you know? And they're like these $5 little plastic toys. I mean, something little. I mean, anything. It doesn't need to be huge, but I can't send her with nothing. I just can't. M1Al from Colin from the 52. You there?
Yeah. What's your advice? The parent's wishes. I should, maybe. But you should call the parent up if you feel that song about it and ask them if you can. Yeah, that's a good point. Would you ever do that, Sienna? Would you call and be like, listen, I got your invitation. I saw that it monstrously said on the bottom of it. That didn't cross my mind. I would call. She would. No, I would just say, look, you know, I'm going to be honest. I'm, you know, Jenna's so excited for the birthday party. In fact, I probably will. That's a good idea. And I'm just going to say, you know, for every birthday party we've been to, Jenna's gone to pick out a gift. She's looking forward to doing it. I would feel weird sending her with nothing. And even if it's something, you know, small, I really hope that's okay because I can't see myself not sending her with something. I appreciate the call. You really don't have to. That's a wonderful thought. I want to. I understand. In fact, I need to. That's so nice of you. I really appreciate that. But this year we're asking no presents. So dot, dot, dot. So dot, dot, dot. So dot, dot, dot. You didn't hear the dot, dot, dot. So that means we leave it at that. What if we made cookies or something? I need to bring something. That's a gift. Oh, that's a good idea. They bring cookies, cupcakes.
I wonder if she would get mad. Or something. I don't know. Something to that effect. Tequila. What about something kind of funny? A lump of coal. Yeah. Oh, wow. That would be good. Maybe like a bunch of balloons. What about a bunch of sapphires? Like a bag full of sapphires. What about a bag of gold? How about a pinata, Mikey? Yeah. Full of sapphires. I don't know, you guys. I know it seems weird that it's like, oh, I should be stoked not to bring anything, but I can't. I would call. I cannot. I would call because when adults put it there, I feel as if it's a suggestion. And depending on the circumstances and how well I know the person, if it says it on there, I'm like, okay, good. I don't want to feel obligated. I don't really know them that well. I'm just going because I know their significant other. But I always feel like I can bring something if I want to. It's only there as a suggestion. So I don't know with kids' parties. Mm-hmm. The kid's a little tricky. When we return, Jay and I are going to do a duel. I'll get your sombrero and poncho ready for you, sir. Don't try it at home. And then we're going to read an email about an obese kid, Mikey.
Make some noise in here. Well, in about 30 minutes, Jay is going to get Bieber'd. We're going to put on a Justin Bieber wig on Jay, and we're going to send him out, and he's going to have 60 seconds, and whatever we can have him say in 60 seconds, he's going to have to say. And he's going to walk into a public place looking like Justin Bieber, like a goofball. Why did he just take the gun away? Okay, gotcha. It's not a real gun. It's not a real gun, but it sure looks real. I would not take that into a bank. No. I'm a little nervous. Should be. Yeah, mostly I'm nervous that Jay shoots me in the neck or something, you know? In the throat? Yeah, in the throat. He's a good shot. I know, he is. He's probably done this before, back in the Old West days.
Hey, can we get a mic check? How's that sound? Sounds great. Should I lower this a little bit for you? Really? Mike, maybe not reach it. I'll grab a phone book and put it under it. Just get a great stepping stool. I mean, there's like a Hello Kitty one. Where's Mike's booster? Yeah. Really? All right. We are now going to do an old-fashioned duel. Why? Because I want to do this. You know, like I've seen it on TV. They're real cowboys, man. And they draw colts and they fire them and they look so cool. They do it competitively. You know, they're firing at like, you know, cans, bottles and knocking down, you know, targets. And I thought maybe I can do this. You know, maybe I could do this. Maybe not. Maybe not. What if you're really good? What do you think you would think about? Maybe weekend competitions and stuff? Yes. Yes. Why are you looking at me like I'm a zebra? I mean, you have poncho on. Multicolored zebra. Multicolored poncho. I have a poncho on. It's just like any other day. Yeah, what's different? What's the big deal? I don't understand what you guys are freaking out about. It's a little bit more embarrassing that the tool belt that I have on right now is from a company called Husky. It's a big name brand company. You just call it a tool belt.
How dare you. Yeah, Woods pointed that out real sweetly. How dare you. All right, so let me take my headphones off now. Okay. And we have, what do these normally use for? Paintball. Paintball masks. Or robbing people. That's what these guns are intended for. These are airsoft guns that you can really fight with. Whoa. How do you feel right now? Like a man. You feel good? Like a man. You think you can take him? No. No, I don't either. I don't know. We'll see. No, I don't. Here's your gun. I'm loading it. So it's ready to fire. It is ready to fire. Where are we going? You're going to go over there. Go to your area. He's going to shoot me. He's going to have to shoot me. Are we going to get shot? No, we can't shut that door. Hey, Jay. Hey. Don't shoot us. Yeah. Have you rigged this? What do you mean, have I rigged this? Have you made it so that I don't have any bullets in my gun? You need your mask, Chris, or I'll shoot you in the face. Whoa. I told you what, boy. I'm going to kill you at some point.
Jay is not answering me. What's the question? The question is, have you rigged this contest? No, this contest is not rigged as far as you know. Oh, my gosh. So they're both standing against the wall, facing each other, both their hands out, waiting to draw the gun, right? Get your hand closer to your gun. Now, wait a minute. I have a question. Didn't, in the movies, didn't Doc Holliday get to put his hand on the gun? No. He went like this. He just touched the gun. Yeah. Yeah, you may not grip it. Don't grip it. Get close. Don't shoot anyone. Are you ready? I'm scared. Can it get through the door? Yeah, I know. Alright, so the way that it works is whoever draws, the other person has to draw then. Yes. That guy should not be there. Yeah, you guys gotta get behind glass. Everybody needs to be behind protective glass. Everybody's gotta be behind. These aren't real guns, by the way. Are you ready, Jay? I'm ready. Hang on. So Mike and Jay are in another room. We're ready? Yeah, I'm ready. What's going on? Jay's lighting him up. Has Mike even gotten him once? Mikey and Jay are having a shoot-off right now. Jay is lighting him up. He got me once.
Jay got off five shots before Mikey had the gun. Jay has been waiting to do that since February 1st, 2010. Oh my god, he lit him up. I'm not kidding. Oh my gosh. Mike, well done, buddy. How many times did I hit you? At least ten. I'd say, in reality, he probably hit me like five times. He lit you up at first. Mikey was dancing around in a poncho. Yeah, I've never seen that. That was incredible. I want to do that every Friday. I do, too. It's horrifying, yet fun. Yeah, it's so cool. I just want everyone to know, guys are wired differently than women. Yes. We just are. Why do I feel so comfortable in a poncho? It's so comfortable. Please write that down. Absolutely. One of them. One of them, that one right there, that one stung real good. What kind of guns were they? Airsoft. Pellet. Okay. So they're rubber pellets. They look like gumballs. Mikey, on the draw, you'll see it on the video, missed a clean draw. And Jay was just pop, pop, pop, pop before Mikey got his gun out. Did you get him once? I don't know. Got me the shoulder once. He did?
I looked at Mikey's leg was kicking up, his arm was flattered, and Jay was just standing in one spot. It's like the Mexican hat dance. How'd that feel, Jay? Shooting the boss. Hey, Jay, you know what we should do? I bet we could get real holsters. Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah. Because we were drawing them out of a tool belt. It was not very easy to do. Is this something you guys are going to be doing all the time? Oh, definitely. We'll do it on breaks and stuff. We can do it on breaks. Yeah. I can't wait to walk through and get my water. Yeah. Use the bathroom. Oh, man. A couple of those, really. I see some red, like, welts coming in. Yeah, a couple of them left a mark. I was shooting for bearskin. Oh, I know he was. Jay did not let up. Of course he was. It was fun, though. It was fun. Let's see. So I got an email, and I'll just keep on my poncho, if that's okay with everybody. It looks nice. Every other day. You're missing your sombrero. I know. Just call it a hat. It's your baseball hat. I'm going to start a baseball league, and that's what we wear. 570-1949 is the number, and you can give us a call. Or you can text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. All right, so tell me what you think about this email. You can call us.
You know, we'll talk about this. Good morning, Mike. I love when the person writes and they say Mike. I just think that's cute. Love how much you guys talk about family values. I was looking for some input. My son is nine years old and he is obese. So was I. Neither me, my wife, or our six-year-old daughter, true story, have a problem with weight. He's never been into sports and that's okay. But... He is not at all active. He plays on his PS3 and little portable PSP all day. Honestly, he doesn't eat all that unhealthy, at least not in our house, but he eats a lot. And he gets, quote, whatever he wants, unquote, with his allowance, which usually includes some sort of candy bar. I told my wife we need to do something about his obesity, and she said, I'm insensitive. And he's just a chubby kid and will outgrow it. I'm sorry, but isn't this supposed to be one of the number one killers in America? I don't want to force feed him, but we need to control his diet and make him exercise. How is it that I'm feeling like the monster here? Thanks, M1 Bruiser. The responsibility of the parent to monitor what their kid's eating. And it's a responsibility of the parent to make sure that the kid is eating a...
healthy diet. When I was a kid, there were a lot of times where I was left unmonitored. And during those times, why is all of you already laughing? During those times, I would take some liberties with food. I remember when my parents put me on a diet. It makes me sad to hear a kid on a diet, but I know it's necessary. Keep going. I was put on a diet. How old? Nine. I was nine. It's not uncommon. And we went to visit my brother and I just wanted to eat. And I remember that we had this conversation about, listen, you're not going to eat that much. And I was so upset about it. And I remember I came up with this phrase because my mom said that I could have one meal a day where it was what I wanted.
And I called it my king-sized meal. That's so sweet. Don't look at Lauren's face. Don't look at it. I can't look at her. I can't look at her. It's okay. Say the name again. The king-sized meal. That's what you call breakfast still every morning. Yeah. Oh, wait. You say breakfast fit for a king. Yes. It's, I mean. And I would say, I would go, when do I get my king-sized meal? And they would be like, quit focusing on the king-size meal. Okay, Sienna looks like she wants to cry. I do. I do too. It's fast. Listen, you have to. I'm going to pass out. I'm lightheaded. I'm lightheaded. I'm lightheaded. Kids. I'm lightheaded. Ah!
I won with this. Will you shut up? You'll get it. I win. You'll get it. When? Later. You're obsessing. Why do you say I get it, but I don't get it ever? You get it. How come I can't have it right now? Why don't you think about something else? Like what? Girls or a TV show. I want my king size meal. Mike, how sad were you when that last bite went down? I got to wait 24 hours for another king-size meal. Seriously? No! It's over. It's so sad. $24.59. $24.58. Hey, what would a king-size meal consist of? Do you remember? Haven't I given enough material? No. He has. You can't open that door. Frozen French fries. Okay, love them.
Okay, frozen french fries that you fry. I like the shoestring. He likes the thin fry. He likes the skinny fry. He doesn't like a fat fry. Okay, so frozen french fries. Yeah. With like ketchup? Well, first what I would do is, and I would cook this myself. I was 10. Bacon? Then you fry the fries, the frozen fries, in the bacon grease. You knew that at 10? Wow. I've never tried that. Oh, my goodness. Okay. So bacon fries and bacon. Bacon fries. Side of bacon. Bacon fries with a side of bacon. You cut the bacon up into pieces. Okay. So fries with bacon. That's delicious. That sounds good. Sounds incredible. And you take that a side. Okay. So that's a side. So that's all of your king size meal, right? Yeah. And then you fry eggs and you put eggs. With it, it's breakfast. Sounds freaking incredible. Oh, it was. And then you ate it with tortillas. That sounds amazing. I just told you that story wearing a poncho. The tortillas part was where you lost me. Well, it's because you're blonde and grew up in New Jersey. No, it sounds good. If you were Mexican and grew up in my house, that's what we had. I mean, I love tortillas, but... Here's where it went wrong. Strange. Here's where it went dreadfully wrong. That you dipped it in mayonnaise. No. No.
Where it went dreadfully wrong was I was the one that decided how many of those frozen fries would go into that skillet. A lot. Whole bag. No. Half a bag. Easily half a bag. You got the king size bag. King size bag. Yes. The very unfortunate look on his face. Costco bag. Half of a Costco bag. Leave him alone. It's okay. At the time, yeah. At the time. I eat a lot. King-size meal. Yeah, king-size meal. Want me to pull the curtain back? Please. Didn't you already? Yeah. We were at Legoland a couple of weeks ago. Weird. I remember where I was standing. And I thought of the king-size breakfast. And I thought in my head, I thought in my head, I thought, can I tell that? And I went, I don't have the rocks to tell that on the air. Now, sure, it'll captivate. People will go, where do you get to hear crap like this? You know, I mean, where does it exist? But I still thought to myself, as we were walking into Fairybrook Meadows,
Little boat ride. Can't do it. Can't admit that at one point in my little 10-year-old life, I referred to my gigantic breakfast that, like, four teenagers could have ate off of as my, quote, king-size breakfast. King-size meal. King-size meal. Tastes good. I remember one conversation specifically. With my sister-in-law, Joanne, we were going to Sizzler. All you can eat. And my mom was there, too. She was in another room. Oh, no. And I requested that we go to Sizzler. And Joanne said, sure. Like, most kids want to go to the park. You know, can we go to the movie? Six Flags. Six Flags. Can we go to Sizzler? I know. It's funny because he's fat. And then she said,
She said, she looked at me like, you little pervert. Because she knew. I just, you know. Your mom did? No, my sister-in-law. Oh, your sister-in-law. My sister-in-law looked at me like, you perv. Like, is that all you think about now? And she goes, yeah, we can. And I go. And she goes, she goes, she goes like this. She goes, mom, can Mikey have a king size meal? And my mom was like, No! And she goes, Sorry. And I go, What? Can I get it? You just don't say anything. Something in your throat, I think. We speak obese. It's a hoagie. I speak obese very well. I'm well on my way. It's like your second language. Because I think there's a dig at you. That's fine. She said okay. She really said okay? Yeah. And you wanted to cash in your king-sized meal that day at Sizzler. And did you feast? Of course. Feast is not even a strong enough word. Yeah. It was my version of heroin. Yeah. Bring on the big one. I think your mom did the...
exact right thing because I've seen that with kids and you think it brings your child happiness. All you want to see is them for them to be happy. But it's hard. You happy? Yeah. And it's your job as a parent to keep them healthy. Yeah. I mean, I remember I had one friend that would come over. And every time she would come to my house, she would just feast on the Oreos and stuff that we would have in my house. Because her mom wouldn't buy that stuff. Right. She was a little bit overweight. And she would say. Because she ate a box of Oreos at your house. She would say, please don't tell my mom I had this. Please don't tell my mom I had this. And I'm like, I won't tell. And I just remember feeling so sad. Listen. Because you can't overdo it as a parent. Because then your kid is going to get the opportunity. And then. Maybe don't put the frozen fries in the house. And the bacon. Not many people think that their kid's going to go in the kitchen at 10 years old and start frying up fries and bacon. Like, you're good. You know what you were doing. Kate, we don't have frozen fries and bacon.
You're right. You guys have, I mean, you can't. You have nothing. I couldn't eat. I stayed with you, and I was like, great. I guess I'm shopping at 7-Eleven. But that was the problem with my friend, though, because she never had that stuff in her house. So whenever she got it, which she was going to get it, you know, on her own at a friend's house, wherever, she would overdo it. And because her mom didn't buy the unhealthy stuff, it was like she had no filter. Or she got it. Kids make bargains at schools. Oh, yeah. I knew that I was not brought up in a healthy household, and the healthy kids at school would be like, I'll give you three bananas for one of your tasty cakes. Cupcakes. Right. I'd be like, okay, I can do that. So, L.O.B., how did you turn out so healthy if you grew up in that house? I went the other way because I got disgusted with the way I used to eat. You know what, man? You know what? Again, genetics. It's genetics. Oh, see. Look at her. Her and her sister and her brother. Like, her family. Thin people. Both of my parents are both very thin, and they still eat the way that they eat. Your family is. Your brothers, your siblings are, too. They're in good shape. They're lucky that they are. It's called genetics. No, so you say that, but that's not the case. Because at my house as a kid, we had everything. We had ice cream, everything. My mom had a big thing of bacon grease, and she put it back on. We never threw anything away. Yeah, genetics. That's why you looked the way you looked. My parents were giant.
My parents were giant. Whenever I hit 26, I discovered that I couldn't drink three Cokes right in a row and eat a candy bar. Okay, now I'm back down to one Coke and a candy bar. And then at 36, I discovered, hey, I can't drink Cokes anymore, period. Oh, wow. And so I just backed off because I didn't want to lose control. 570-1949 is the number. M1 Marcus from Oceanside. Yeah, hey, guys. You guys are doing it. This is just a great topic. It's a sad one, though, because it is becoming such an issue with kids. To say, you know, we have responsibilities. I have a two-and-a-half-year-old. We don't have a lot of the stuff in the house. So the options are limited. But we get some responsibilities for it. Even if it's tough because it makes him sad to take that stuff away. I remember the first time I saw someone that was, like, gigantically big. They had, like, a country house. And I remember this dude. I remember it like it was. clear as day. We came in, their kitchen was in the back of the house and they had a back door into the kitchen. And that's, I remember where it was like me and my dad and a friend of my dad's and we were going over there and they were giving us something free, like a bunch of like meat and stuff. And we walked into this guy's house. Remember he had overalls and he was gigantic. He had a tin bowl and we,
You know, my dad's talking to him and stuff. He cracked 12 eggs into that bowl and stirred them up with a fork and scrambled them and ate them. Oh, 12 eggs? I can do about eight, not 12. You can do eight? I can do eight eggs. Easy. I love eggs. I feel guilty when I eat three. I can do eight. Three? Yeah, like when you go to a restaurant and it says like three egg omelet and stuff. It does seem like a lot of eggs. Really? No. I think six is standard. Six is standard. In a restaurant, it'll usually say six egg omelets. You're never going to eat the whole thing, but they give you these giant omelets. L.O.B., where have you ever seen six egg omelets? She only eats egg white, so I'm sure that helps. That's probably in the breakfast burritos we get. No. Probably two or three in those. There's probably four. There's probably four. Three to five. There's got to be at least five. I've never been to any place that says six. Yes, you have. No. Yes, you have. Hash House. Hash House, baby. Oh, yeah. No, there's like 12 in the Hash House one. You're out of your mind. You're crazy. Somebody call in. I'm right. Please, somebody call. Please, somebody call. I believe it. Really? No. There is no six egg deal. There's a place in Cardiff, Pipes.
Jay, you know what? They use six in their breakfast burritos. That's a lot of eggs. I could put down eight eggs. There's six in their breakfast burritos. Now, granted, it's the size of a brick, and you can split it with someone. I may make a, what do you call it, like a clause for burrito. Maybe burritos, maybe they do. But if you get an omelet, I've never seen on a menu something advertised as anything more than four. By the way. Went to Burger King yesterday. Mike. Wait. Hear me out. Hear me out. Hear me out. Hear me out. Hear me out. Hear me out. I was doing some work at Evan's Tire with my car. I was hungry. You were doing some work? Yeah. They were doing some work. You were supervising. I was supervising. And I was hungry. And there was a Burger King there. I'm like, I'm going to go get a hamburger. They print.
Up on the menu that you look at, they print the calories on there now. Why would they do that? They have to. They're going to have to. I would run out the door. I'm telling you, I looked at it and I was like, is this just a low self-esteem board or what is this? Let me guess. 1,200 calories. The one that I got was I got the Whopper Jr. Whopper Jr. Okay. Because I'm watching my weight. And I think it had 900. 900. They're going to have to do that now because obesity is costing us so much as a nation. Yeah. So that's almost half of the calories you need in an entire day. Tastes so good. Yeah, depending on how big you are. It's killing me. It's killing me. Okay, okay, okay. 570-194-9 is our phone number. And when we come back, Jay's getting Bieber'd. Great. Make some noise in our studio audience, will you?
So what if I'm multi-talented? So what if I'm the best and you're the worst? So what if I can do 90 push-ups and you can't? So what if I got great genetics? Flaming on the genetics. So what if my wife looks like a model? So what? So what? Sue me. I'm good looking. I'm welling down, okay? So sue me. Boy, I love this roast. People miss that story. All right, guys, you can be honest with me. Jay says to us, guys, you can be honest with me. You ain't going to hurt my feelings. You ain't. You ain't. If you don't want me to go to lunch with you because you think I'm going to get you sick, I'll go home, take a nap. Unbelievable. We're like, no, Jay, you're coming with us. We hadn't ever thought of that. Yeah, it didn't enter our minds. You ain't going to hurt my feelings.
We just did a four and a half hour shift with you on the air, but now we're going to have our feelings hurt because you're driving in a separate car. I'm behind glass here. Jay has on his Bieber hair. Looks like Carol Brady a little bit. A little bit like Carol Brady. Oh my gosh, Jay. The girl from Wilson Phillips. The cute one. Oh, thanks. Easy, Mikey. Jay looks so weird. You know me in blondes. Okay. Sienna is going to apply mascara, right? Yeah. Nope. We don't. Nope. And? Laura didn't bring the wipers. I did not. That's why I used a wet rag. The wipers? Well, then we'll do the mascara is the hardest part to get off. So maybe we'll just do the eyeliner. There's no difference. Okay. That's fine with me. That's fine with me. Okay. Eyeliner. There are actual days when I put eyeliner on. What? Am I doing this now? What?
When I used to go clubbing when I was young. Oh, my. Pause. This is one of those moments in time. I forget. What? You guys never, ever put eyeliner on when you were young? No. No. Jay? It was the 80s. It was a crazy time. He was like the last person that would do that. Hey, I wore parachute pants and had handcuffs and bandanas. Write all that down. Handcuffs? Yeah. Wait, what? Why would you wear handcuffs? It was the time, Sienna. Like on both your wrists? No, no, no. You'd sometimes put them on both here. Sometimes you'd hook them across. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. That's the time. A guy would do crazy things to get laid. Wow. Oh, my gosh. Imagine. You're a girl that goes home with Jay and you wake up and there's eyeliner all over your pillowcase from the dude you took home. And it's Jay and he's like, hey, you got ten bucks I can borrow for breakfast? Trust me, they were all in. The only reason I wore eyeliner was because I was trying to get lied. I wasn't trying. I wasn't trying. He's such a creep. He's a freaking...
He's a goldmine, too. Jay used to go out clubbing and put eyeliner and handcuffs on his belt. So, Sienna doesn't even need to do it for him. I'm sure he knows how to apply eyeliner. I'm just picturing Jay in the bathroom, just applying eyeliner. Mom, how's this look? There's no way his mom and dad knew that was the only one. Where's my handcuffs? I left my handcuffs right here. Where are they? Where's my parachute pants? Unbelievable. I made my own handcuffs. That's right. Out of aluminum foil. Right. No, I cast out a piece of aluminum and I actually, I welded together my own pair of handcuffs. I used to handcuff the girls and then put the key in my pants. She's going crazy out here. I don't know what's going on. He's getting beavered right now. Sienna is beavering him up.
Put an eyeliner on him. Then we're going to send him down. He's going to go into a business. You need my other eye? Yeah. He looks so weird. It looks a little freaky. It looks a lot freaky. So then we're going to send him down. He's going into a business. He's going to have an earpiece in his ear. And we're going to tell him what to say for 60 seconds. CNN has lost her mind out here. I have to put a lot on. Makes for better pictures. By the way, we don't have any makeup. No. Maybe someone should have put it on my homework. Okay, look up. Just kick him while he's down. Usually I have a dress on when I'm doing this. Or I was on ecstasy. It was legal then, Mikey. Don't freak out. Just bite the clubs for a dollar. Yes, two for this rave, please.
Jay doesn't need the makeup remover. He'll just leave it on and go out tonight. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, my skin. Oh, my gosh. You ladies help me get this into the van. That's so scary. Oh, my gosh. It's like a clock or a cone. Just picture Jay with a kimono on. That's a club. Jeez. That was him 20 years ago. Hey, hi, my name's Jay. And I'm here to pick up your daughter. Oh, my God. He looks terrifying. He may get arrested. He might get arrested. I'm not kidding. He's got to match the description for something. He's a bandit.
Oh my gosh, he looks so scary. I think he's the freakiest person I've ever seen with that wig on. Where am I going? What if he walks into some place and they think he's a geezer bit? What if they think that he's a woman with facial hair? And he looks pretty, kind of. He does. All right, all right, let's send you it. Let's go. Where am I going? Pretty and scary at the same time. Wherever? Oh my gosh. Can't send you back to the same. Let's send you to Subway this time. Are you nervous? I don't think it's open anymore. How about, um, Ra? Is it not open? They're doing breakfast. Are you sure? Yeah. I think that one is shut down. I'm telling you. We're doing some construction on it. We'll go down there. Oh, they were? We'll let you know. Yeah, he'll figure it out. We'll go check it out. If that's not open, go to the grocery store. Let's not give him a heads up just in case the business is listening. That's true. Oh, they do, don't they? Mm-hmm. Is that what you were doing, Woods? No, they really were on construction last time. Oh, I thought you were doing it. You never know. It's going to be fun. One of the... I can't wait. So 60 seconds and I'll tell them what to say. We can all jump in and get over on them. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Mike, you may be excited about this. You may not. iPad competition has arrived. Really? It's the Motorola Zoom and they're saying it's... Why do they even try? I know. No, it may be better. Sure it is. All right, let me just...
Let me just tell you some stuff about it. First, it's more expensive than the iPad. That is one of the bad parts. It's $800. Great. And it's 32 gigabyte iPad. Wait. 70 more than the 32 gigabyte iPad. Now, the Zoom has features that the iPad doesn't have, though. Like... It has this application, a dual-core processor, where it has a smoother game animation. That's nothing that will interest you, Mike, so don't stand there like a plebeian laugh. It has cameras on the back. There's a 5-megapixel still camera that also can record high-definition video. That's going to be the new iPad, by the way, that's coming out. that they say is coming out in whatever. On the front, there's a low-resolution video camera for video chatting. No, they think the new iPad's coming out next month in March. They do? Yes. That's what it's supposed to have, a camera. The Zoom screen has slightly higher resolution than the iPads. It's also a different shape. It's more like a business envelope than...
A greeting card envelope, if you can tell the difference. Okay. It has an HDMI jack, meaning that a single cable can send both audio and high def video to a TV. Great. So I'll take my device and I'll plug it into my TV set when I'm on the run. Yes. And I just want to plug into a TV on the run. Right. All right. Well, I just thought I would let you know. I love the news. Do you? I do. I love the news that it's happening. Do you want me to just go home right now? No. Competition is going to make it better. Competition makes it better. It's true. Also yesterday, more of a news-related story, yesterday authorities launched a $577 million plan to expand the San Ysidro border exit. Entry. Yeah. The San Ysidro port of entry. You know, wait times are crazy. They're about two hours right now on average. And they're saying by 2030, they're estimating 10-hour waits to get through the San Ysidro border. So they know that they need to add more lanes, more boots. They want high-tech inspections. How can you wait in a car for 10 hours? I don't know. Well, you can. That's why they want to do something. But it's going to cost $577 million. Let me see if this is Jay. I think it is. Yeah, it is.
But Chris is talking to him. What's going on in sports, Woods? There's a lot going on in sports, man. The St. Louis Cardinals' worst fear has been realized. Their ace pitcher, the runner-up to the Cy Young last year, Adam Wainwright, is going to need Tommy John surgery. He is out for the year, and they are bummed out. And then also, I told you guys a story about Miguel Cabrera. The runner-up to the MVP last year was arrested for a DUI. He's come out and apologized to his teammates. Mikey, we're going to need your help. I'm feeling pretty good about the way things are going, but I'm also really regretful. Sorry about that. Thank you. You're welcome. All right. I'm glad you're here, though. Thank you. Because without it, that clip is kind of useless, you know. Jay, are you there? Yes, I am. You're outside Subway. We're outside Subway. They open? They open? Yeah. Oh, okay, my bad. They're just doing some work. I hope they didn't hear, though, because I know that they look like they're just doing their business inside. Okay. All right, so go ahead and go in, and as soon as I hear you start talking, I'll start the 60-second timer, and we'll begin, and you'll have 60. Can you help me over there? I'll wait until he's standing. Okay. You there? Boy, it all looks so good. Hi, my name's Carol. Boy, I don't know.
My name's Carol. And I'm a health nut. I'm kind of a health nut. So do you have anything with berries? Berries? I feel like a fruit today. I feel like some of the fruit. Do you have anything with berries? There's no fruit? No. There's nothing with berries. I can't. They don't have no fruit. Okay. Well, then I guess I can't get Richard Simmons in my sandwich. I guess I can't get Richard Simmons in my sandwich thing, can I? Oh, you have avocado? I guess that is a fruit typically, yeah. That sounds good. That does sound good. Avocado reminds me of the country Venezuela. Avocado reminds me of the country Venezuela. Yeah. I'll never forget learning to dance there. What was it? Oh! America. Yeah. Yeah, so... Habla Espanol? Hablo Espanol? No. Me either.
Me either. I was just wondering. I was just wondering. Hey, by the way, is there something in my hair? Can you tell me there's something in my hair? Nothing in my hair? Nothing in my hair? Probably the oldest. I'm probably the oldest guy with Bieber fever you've ever seen. I'm probably the oldest guy with Bieber fever you've ever seen. I would call myself a Belieber. I would call myself a Belieber. Do you believe? Do you believe? Do you believe? Do you believe in the power of love? You believe in the power of love? Oh my gosh, he's good. You're a monster. You're done. He's good. You're done. Say, well, see you later. I actually don't have any money. I don't have any money. I don't have any money. You just got Bieber'd. You just got Bieber'd.
Oh my gosh, Jay, you're great. Can we all agree that 60 seconds is not enough? No. Long enough. At least two minutes. At least six minutes. At least six minutes. At least six minutes. At least half an hour. Oh, I feel so proud. Oh my gosh, that was great. I just wish that we could hear the response a little bit better. I know. But we got it videotaped because we videotape it. We have like a little hidden videotape. I'm going to go to the spy store and poke around and see what I can find. I'm going to find like a little lapel button. Oh, there's one in the Brookstone store. There's a pen. Yep. Ooh, that's what we need. We need something like that. Britney Spears keeps releasing little song teasers from her new album. Weird. And what do you think, Sienna? She's smart. She has fans that are obsessed with her and will do whatever it takes to hear new stuff. And so she's been releasing little 20-second, 30-second clips. I'm not really a Britney buyer. No? I wouldn't buy Britney stuff. I bet your wife would. Does she like Britney? Not a buyer. You got to go. You got to be. Like, I'm a fan.
of Black Keys, but I haven't bought it yet. Oh, okay. But I like it. Yeah. I like it. I just, you know, I haven't gone that extra step. Here's a tease of it. It's called How I Roll. Oh, it's so busy. Nella B will be cleaning her apartment in her underwear to this by the end of the summer. Really, you can dance to it. Oh, they love to sing. Just a little sneak peek. Didn't do much for me. No. I'm not, I like Britney, but I've never gotten that excited about her music. I like her into club stuff. I don't like the poppy, like the, it's trying to sound like Katy Perry, I think. Remember Tanya Harding? Yeah. Gross. Gross? Girl bar to the knee. Yeah, gross. She didn't do it. She hired somebody to do it. Allegedly. Allegedly. It was her husband. Mark Galluli. Mark Galluli. Jeff Galluli. Sorry. She did it to, uh. Fancy Kerrigan. That's right.
Why me? That's right. Why anybody? That's what she was screaming. Yep. So Tanya Harding has just had a kid, right? Yeah. She's 40 years old. She just had a little boy last weekend in Washington. Really? She's married to a guy named Joseph Price. All right. How about this? Lady Gaga is not the most liked person on Facebook anymore. I think your wife Rebecca may agree with who it is. Look at this, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. He's back. How uncomfortable were you, Jay? Level 11. Wow. You did so good, Jay. You did amazing. You did great, man. It's so hard to hear you and here. And I'm trying to make eye contact. And she thought I was the biggest nut job. Yeah. I bet. She would talk. Get your hands on your hips. Yeah. I was like. Look at all crazy eyes. You look so crazy. Yeah. With the wig on and the eye makeup. It is scary. Yes. No doubt about it. And it's terrifying.
see something that well, he squints a lot. So I wonder if while you were saying stuff, he was just squinting and talking to her. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. It was weird. Good job. You did so good. Chris is uploading the video right now. You'll be able to see it very soon. So what's the deal with Gaga? Well, she was the most liked on Facebook for a while and now is Eminem. He's the most liked artist on Facebook with over 28, almost 29 million likes. Sienna's got five signs that she's into you. She's kissing you. Sienna's into you or just a girl? Five signs that a girl is into you. When you're out on a date. She's making out with you. That and she excuses herself to go to the bathroom and you can tell when she comes back she's touched up her makeup. Went to lunch with a girl one time. She was wearing a skirt. She came back. and the tops of her knees were bright red where the indentations of her elbows had been. She had to sit when she pees. She's peeing. Mike right now is in the typical number two position. She might have been hovering. Really? Yeah. Maybe not. Squatting. Squatting. Because girls do that a lot. Yeah, you have to squat because we don't want to sit on the seat. You were really that picky? Yeah. Oh, I get it.
Maybe the kids were being dropped off at the pool. Maybe not. I don't think they were. I don't think they were. You don't. She knows better than on a date. Guys, when they have to go, they have to go. I think girls can control it. Yeah. I don't have to, you know, unless there's like a situation. Quiet, I don't want to know. No, there's no urgency. It's usually an emergency situation. What, like an earthquake? No. Guys go at the same time always, and it's part of their routine. And, you know, if there's something in the way, they're like, I got to go to the bathroom. Girls, that doesn't happen. Especially at a restaurant where women are coming in and out all the time. Yeah, no. Shameful. It's shameful. It is. Do you ever walk in L.O.B. and go, Shame on you. Yes. I do. I go, ugh. And leave. Oh, my God. I've done that. Leave that for at home. I've walked in and dropped it. Oh, dude. When the guy's in there doing his business. Oh, yeah. I'm like, ugh. What? And then I'll drop like a JC on the way out the door. I'm like, good God. You do it too, Woods. Everybody poops. If it's going to be bad, I try to make it to the house. Not at work. Don't funk up the bathroom for everybody. You know what I mean? She didn't go.
She didn't. I think she was hovering. No, she was squatting. There's no doubt. Yeah, she was hovering. It's in my mind. How long did it take? That was a deal. Because in my mind, I was like, why do I think this so much? There's always a line. Because in my mind, I know it. There's always a line. I know it. Not always. Not at restaurants. Not at restaurants. Yeah. I can tell you where we were. We were at San Diego Brewing Company. Line. No, there's not. Not at lunch. Oh, yeah. I broke the steel. Excuse me. At lunch? At lunch. It wasn't at lunch. It was. It was? She wasn't. I promise. She was not going. She did. Bright red, like strawberry, on the top of the knees. I don't sit like that. I don't sit in that position. That's a man position. It's the hurry up position. That's what it is. Girls feel like this. It's the force position. It's the hurry up. It's the hurry up offense. We sit with our legs crossed and our hands crossed on our knees like this. I'm telling you. Don't force it. Get a blow out your O-ring. That's a guy position. Imagine. No. It's the hurry up offense. Dude, there's two minutes left in the game. She's got to get down the field. She's got to get down the field. Got to run the two-minute offense. Yes.
Ridiculous. No way. Girls don't sit like this. In a hurry up offense they do. In a hurry up. Yeah. She shook her head the whole time too like, I can't believe I'm doing this right now. No. Plus girls are quick. Girls don't pull around. I can't believe I have to do this right now. Yes. I got this beautiful Mexican man waiting for me at this table. And I'm sitting in here. I love her. There's so many things that mean that she didn't go. Yeah, she didn't. She's a little angel. I can't believe how judgmental you are, Mike. I was so judgmental. You're like, well, can we get the checks? I was like, you just swung caca. And everything she said, were you just in your head like, pooper, pooper, pooper, pooper, pooper, pooper, pooper, pooper, pooper, pooper. We'll give you the rest of the five signs that she's into you right after this. Lord, it's the same old tune. Fiddle and guitar. Where do we take it from here? Let's make some noise with our lives. Thank you. Good crowd today. What's that? Good crowd today. Yeah, we got a great crowd. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, Bo Diddley. Great. Bo Diddley is a gunslinger. So is Mikey. That's right. Did a little gunslinging this morning with Jay. And Jay got about eight shots in. I got one. That's real great. Welcome back to the show.
Any big plans? You guys got any big plans this weekend? My anniversary. Oh. That's right. One year. You can go to a little corner cafe. I actually told him I don't want to do anything. Really? Believe it or not, yeah. Which, of course, he should not believe. No, I mean, I just, I don't know. Better plan something, Todd. Better plan something. He's at work. Oh. I don't know. I'm serious. You don't want to? No. We've been spending a lot of money on house improvement stuff recently, and I just hang out. How many years? One. Oh, a year. Yeah. A year. That's right. You were at the wedding. I was at the wedding. Yeah, you were at the wedding. I was there. Uh-huh. You could have said right now, oh, this is our 51st. And I would have been like, where are we? That's a long time. I told him just as long as he gets me a card, I will be happy. That's nice. Fake bit. All right, so you gave us. It's actually true for once.
So you gave us one sign that a girl is into you? Right. And it's when she will excuse herself, you know, on a date, go to the bathroom and touch up her makeup and, you know, try to obviously do things to make her look better. Go poop. Not go poop. I wouldn't like that. If she touched up her makeup? Why? Not if I could tell. Why? Oh, my gosh. I wouldn't like it if I could tell. I think you would because it would improve. You'd be like, oh, she's in on it. Look at her. She cares how she looks. I would not feel that. I would feel that there was... Vanity? Yes. Vanity and maybe insecurity, weird insecurity, bizarreness. Listen, that's just me. Most men wouldn't. I probably am one out of ten, and I mean it. No, it's probably a higher percentage. Really? If you went... to the bathroom during a date, wouldn't you check your teeth, make sure there's nothing in there? Yeah. You know, make sure there's nothing in your goatee. Wouldn't bother me if she checked her goatee and checked her teeth. Yeah, but makeup is acceptable for girls, and that's what we do. Yeah, the women's bathroom looks like backstage at a Broadway theater. Yeah. They're like, women break out full makeup things that they have in their purse. I don't like it when a girl takes her purse to the bathroom. What? Makes me think something.
She doesn't want you to steal her stuff. I know where you're going. That's it. No, it's not it. I don't want to discuss it. Sometimes you take it with you because you don't want it stolen. Really? From your date? Or if it's hanging on the back of a chair. Really? And they're going to steal it while a guy's sitting there? Yeah. Where are you having lunch, Watts? Compton. Do guys ever pay attention to anything? Listen. Oh, I thought you said you knew someone. Yeah, what guy? You're on a date and a guy's sitting there. Some guy comes along and grabs a purse. You're like, how's that, buddy? Run that puppy up. They wouldn't be obvious about it. There'd be some sort of commotion. Are you? Yeah. Yeah, I've heard stories of people getting their purse kind of gets kicked over to another table. Exactly. They drag it over their feet. I had sunglasses stolen off the table I was sitting at. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not arguing the fact that theft happens. But there's so many about it is what I mean. I was right there. I would never just leave my purse. I don't care if it's my boyfriend at the table with me. He sold me. I see a girl take her purse to the bathroom. I'm like, oh. Well, you're making an assumption that's usually not true. God. Nobody's getting lucky tonight. Guess we're French kissing, huh? Perfect. There's mints in there. There's lip gloss in there. There's perfume in there. There's other stuff in there, too. Yeah, there's other things. There can be. Yeah. You'd find out about it later that night if there were. Package. Yep. L.O.B. says you'll find out about it later that night. Yeah. So if you take her on a date, you get to find out. I'm saying. Especially if you're black, I mean. No, I'm just saying if you thought you were going to get it later that night and you think now you're not going to because of that. That's not, that isn't it at all. It's just gross. That's what Wood said, none for me. Yeah, that's his thing. It's just gross. That's his thing. I'm childish. I admit it, I'm childish. I am too. I'll tell you, that's not why girls, it could be. I understand that it isn't always, but 100% of the time, and I don't even mean 99. Crap. 100% of the time.
Even when I'm in a restaurant and I see a girl, I'll be with my wife, and I'll see a girl get up and go to the bathroom. She's got her purse with her, and I go, oh, boy. What? When I'm out to lunch with you guys, I usually bring my purse because I don't want to just leave it out willy-nilly. I've actually thought to myself. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my goodness. Like, really? Come on now. Don't take that. I take it with me because you guys are like, oh, watch this. Oh, I'm doing this. And my purse. She put a stapler over her head. Really? You believe that you're going to leave? And we're going to leave? He's gone. You guys, what am I now? No. What am I now? I'm purse head. I'm purse head, guys. You guys aren't paying attention. I don't want to leave it. I don't want to come back and go, where's my purse? In a moment of rage, Lauren just put a stapler over her head. We're doing this. We're doing this. You guys, Lauren's gone. It's her first. I wouldn't let that happen, Lauren.
She has to not do that the next time we get a lot of time. No, I didn't mean you were going to take my purse and do it. I'm saying you guys are distracted, and it's not anyone else's responsibility to watch my purse. Mikey, would you leave your wallet on the table? Yeah, unattended. If you guys were there? Yes, I wouldn't. And that's the thing. A wallet is a small item, and I wouldn't even expect a woman, if all she carried was a small wallet, I could understand her putting the wallet. I don't know. But to me, a purse is kind of big. And so it doesn't matter. I'll be at a restaurant, man. I see a woman get up and go to the bathroom, and she's got that purse, and I go. I've heard that from a lot of guys. You have? Yeah, it's not you. A lot of guys are so scared of it. If I got up from the table, left my purse there, and someone walked by and took it. Unless it was Sienna paying attention, you guys would just assume, oh, that girl must have walked over earlier, put her purse down, and now is taking it away. You wouldn't even notice that that was my purse that was getting taken. Did you grow up in the Bronx? No, I grew up in reality. Listen, we're watching your purse. Are you? If she says, will you guys keep an eye on my purse real quick? Then we'll know that you are. But you're not paying attention to what's draping over a chair. For all Lauren knows, we may stand up and walk out. Exactly. All right. What else you got?
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. M1 Carlos from Oceanside. What was the word of the day? Hey, Mikey, it's a cafe. When do we say it? You just got yourself a UFC 127 pay-per-view and a pair of anarchy sunglasses. Thank you so much, Mike. Hang on. Another sign that... the girl you're on a date with is into you is when she's attentive. She's not always looking at her watch, which girls don't really wear anymore, but not always pulling out her cell phone, checking the email. She's hanging on every word you have to say because girls do that. Hang on to everyone. I waited when we went to lunch as a group. I waited. I did not touch my cell phone. I waited until somebody else did. And then when she did, then I... Me? I got a phone call. That was checking stuff. And as soon as I saw the okay, I was like... I checked to see who was calling me, silenced it, waited until it was an appropriate time, then walked outside, made a quick call and said, I'm at lunch. Can I call you when I leave? I took the opportunity. You thought she was reading The Onion?
Like you do on your phone when all of us are hanging out. Mike. Checking headlines. It's okay for you to look at your phone occasionally when we're at lunch because I do it all the time too. It's when we're in a meeting or something and you're not listening to what someone's saying and you're just looking down. Apple stock. That's rude. Yeah. Or like when I pick you up to carpool always and like I just want to visit in the car and you're reading the onion on your. Yeah, that would be annoying. On your. phone and we're all three of us are having a conversation and Mikey's reading the onion on his cell phone. Earthquake in Guadalajara. I hope my cousins are okay. My impression BS of being in Woods car while he says that I'm on my phone. Best part's coming up. That's what it's like. There's cigarette smoke everywhere. Billowing. Billowing out. It looks like Cheech and Chong. Yeah, and he's singing and drumming. And if you do want to say something to him, you say it, and he turns the radio down like, what?
You're really inconveniencing him. Yes. Yeah. He goes, what? Sometimes it's fun to just listen to the music. But everybody else is talking. Woods is one of those guys that his music will be this loud and his phone will ring and he won't adjust the volume. Yes. He just answers the phone. It makes me so uncomfortable. Like, turn that down. This is me talking to Woods. What up? I am you. Oh, you're me. That's what it sounds like. I'll be you. Hello. What's up? So true. Another sign that she is into you is, and this is such a, you can tell when she's touchy-feely. Love it. If we're not touching you at all, shoulder, you know, nothing. Leg, the knee, slap. Yeah. Touch is the best way to let someone know. Oh, so sad. What? Come on. Nobody ever touched you? I just don't really remember that. I don't really. It's because it's been a long time.
You've been married for six years. Rebecca did, obviously. She did. Rebecca did. She did or she does? No, she did. She did. She attacked me when we first met. Whoa. Yeah, she did. She was in love with you. Before she met you. Before she met me. Hellcat. I knew I loved you before I met you. Take it, Woods. I don't know what that is. Oh, really? Really? Savage Garden. What is it? Savage Garden. I promise you, I don't know what it is. I know the song by them, but it's not that one. Oh, that's even weirder. Is it? Yeah, the fact that I knew their hit. Yeah, he's like, I know their Australian B-side. No, maybe I don't know a Savage Garden song. Isn't that that song? I go, ooh, I love you. I know if I need you. Wow. And he goes, that is horrible. I know that one. Here, I'm downloading it.
I'm downloading it. It's one of the most effeminate songs I've ever heard in my life. And I'll have you know, I liked it. And I worked for Rock 105 doing nights where I played Metallica every night. Metallica. Like really hard music. And in the day. So by night, I was, you know, on the radio. Mandatory Metallica. What's up? Was that your bit? No, I was a surfer bit. I did a surfer bit. Do it, do it, do it. Do you remember it? Let me hear, please. Let me see. I think I probably could remember it. Listeners will remember. What's up, guys? Let's see. Did you say, like, the waves were totally tubular today? No, I just talked that way. I just talked that way. You never talked about surfing and stuff? No. So not really. It's looking harsh. What up, brah? 1-0-2-1. Chicken! Let's rock 1-0-2. Hey, car number nine is getting tickets to go to the movies tonight. Call now! I did that. I did that. Totally not who I was. And then what I would do is I would go home and on the ride home, I would go through the radio station's music and I'd pick out my CDs that I wanted to hear. Jam this on the way home. Wow. But I'm old woman.
Is that weird? A little bit, yeah. A little bit weird? Yeah. Mikey Show, hello. Hey, it's Gay Nick. Nick! I mean Gaylord. Gaylord. No, no, no, no. My name is Gay. Hi, Gay. Hi, Gay. My full name is Gaylord, but I shorten it to Gay. Why not? Yeah. Sorry, anyway, the only reason I was calling is I just wanted to tell Mikey, oh my gosh, you are so gay. Wow. You mean he's like you? Like he reminds you of yourself? No, I'm not gay. But you're saying, oh, you're so gay. Like, oh, that's so wood. No, no, no. I'm straight. Right. I'm straight. I'm straight. My name is Gaylord, and my last name is Nick. I always get confused. Name of the girl you went on a last date with? Susan. Last date.
Susan Friedor? $3? Susan Friedor. $3? Susan, $3. Wow. Is she a prostitute? If you must know, yes. My appetite for women has become so strong. Oh, right, right. I simply can't get enough with a poor girl. Wow, I bet. So, so there. Favorite thing about a girl? Her. It looked like you almost said must. It was like the word almost made you want to throw up. Yeah. Ooh-wee. I am seeing one right now. And that is a girl I am sexually attracted to. Call out to her. Woo, baby. You are one hot mama over there, aren't you? I wouldn't mind getting you and doing all kinds of checks. Sounds believable. Yeah. You're quite the smooth talker. Really? Love your face. Love yours. Yay.
The last sign that she is into is the date lasts longer than you expected. When the waiter comes around and says dessert, and she's like, nope, nope, we're good. Coffee, nope, nope, we're good. That I have had. Yeah. That I have had. Because of you or her. I never get dessert on a date. You don't? Uh-uh. Wow. Is that the thing where the girls don't want guys to think that they're pigs? I am so attracted to a girl if she gets dessert. See, I'm not a dessert at a restaurant. That's rad. When I dated. I already ate so much. I don't know why. I'll do it as a nicety if the guy wanted it. I'll be like, I guess I'll have some too. Because I don't want him to think that I'm trying to be like... And it doesn't. I would say coffee. Yeah, coffee. I would absolutely say coffee. Have you ever kissed a guy on a first... Yes, you have, Jay. Hey, you kissed me, didn't you? Wearing eyeliner. No, that was just tongue to tongue. That's true. Yes, that really did happen. You should do that again sometime. Hey, hey. What? You didn't actually, you didn't kiss. They tongued it. We touched tongues. It was a challenge. They lost. Lauren and I beat them. You cheated. It was a win-win. We didn't cheat. Lauren and I won. No. And James. Oh. What? You make me uncomfortable. Why do you hate me? Why do you hate me? It's you too who make me uncomfortable. Yeah. Why do you hate me? I don't. You're using Mike's bit on him. Yeah, he does hate me. You're using reverse psychology. You feel the way about me that L.O.B. feels about you. Yeah.
That's not true. I could never hate someone like that. This is the triangle of hate. I could never hate someone like that. This is the triangle of hate. No, it isn't. Bam, bam, bam. No, it goes like this. L.O.B. hates me. Who hates me. I don't hate anybody. She strongly dislikes me. No. She despises you. She had to convince me yesterday. I had to say it in Spanish. Me encanta. He still didn't understand what that meant. All right. We have to move on. Are you done with the list? Yeah. What were you going to say, though? Have you ever kissed what? Have you ever kissed somebody on a first date in public? Yeah. You have? Yeah. It's the other we're talking about. The first. Have you not? The first time I kissed Todd was in public. No, it's always like where, you know, it wasn't like in front of people, like people saw it. We were the first time I kissed Todd on our first date. We were walking. We had dinner in Little Italy, and then we went to the brew house in La Jolla, which is a bar. So there was people. We were walking into the bar, and he grabbed me and kissed me the first time. That's a great move. It was the best move ever. Power move. It was like, oh, wow. You tell me what to do. Exactly. You just order me around. I'm okay with this. I'm a girl. You're a guy. But yeah, we were walking into the brew house. There's people in there. That's a great move. Rebecca kissed me at a red light.
She kissed me. Was it uncomfortable? No. No? No. That's a little awkward, leaning across the thing. Oh, no way. It's a little awkward. For the first kiss, it's a little awkward. Did it last a long time, or was the person behind you like, me? No, it lasted until the light turned green. Did you say, that was really nice? No. That was sweet. You did. I made a joke. Then you floated to get home. No, you know what? Exactly what I said. I got a booner. I said. Mike. Mike.
Tell me what you're feeling. I'm feeling shame. Fear, you know, I'm feeling so... How can we get you through this? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe Jay stops doing this to me. He stops it to me. I don't know what you're talking about. That was good. Holy crap. Well played. That was the best one. Mikey hit the best serve of his life and Jay just slammed it back over there at him. Wow. So what did you really say? Other than that. I said, she did it. She kissed me. And I go, listen, this is my body. I go, this is my body. And no means no. And did she go? Yeah. She laughed. Oh, my gosh. This is the greatest. This is the greatest. This is the greatest song. I'm going to listen to that over and over again. All right. So here's what we're going to do. When we get back, we're going to do Mikey Show and Tell. And what it is is. I love this bit. It's a deal where we will tell you new products, new things, new places, new stuff. TV shows, songs, anything. Anything that we've discovered and we want to get you on this. So we will do that when we come back. Make some noise in here with our live studio audience. Great audience today. Let's hear it from our live studio audience.
Hey, Sienna, what's going on in the news? A little update on Lindsay Lohan. Now, we know that the judge did tell her that she is going to jail. We don't know when or for how long yet, but some more evidence has come out. Surveillance video of Lindsay Lohan taking... The necklace, the $2,500 necklace from the jewelry store. Now, it isn't out for us to see, but people are speaking about it, saying that you can see Lindsay clearly. She had a necklace on. She takes off her necklace, puts this one on. Meanwhile, her male friend is distracting the person that's working at the store. And then you see her and him walk out together. Like, I mean, it was. They're saying very, very clear that it was a plan. She put it on. He distracted. They walk out together. She's toast, man. And also a reminder, don't forget the Academy Awards are Sunday night. James Franco and Hathaway are hosting. The King's Speech is the front runner. 12 nominations it has, including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor. The King's Speech with Colin Firth. Nope. Jeffrey Rush. Never heard of Colin Firth. Never heard of Jeffrey Rush. Oh, you know Colin Firth. He's in Love Actually.
Wouldn't know. He was in Bridget Jones' Diary. Why do I know that? Never seen it. Also, one of the big runners in the Academy Awards, True Grid, is up for 10 awards. Social Network and Inception are tied for eight nominations. So, yeah. It's going to be a big show. Woods, what's going on in sports? Hello, Mike. Hi. Well, the NFL labor talks are still going on. They've been in mediation now for seven straight days. They're going to take the weekend off, and they're going to reconvene on Tuesday. Work stoppage still imminent, they're saying, which is great. And the Chicago Bears have agreed to terms with their head coach, Lovie Smith, for two more years, keeping him through 2013. So good for him and them. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And screening phones is Chris. It's Crop. That's Crop. Okay, so Mikey, show and tell. We can go clockwise. I'll start. I want to tell dudes about this thing that I found. Didn't know it existed. It's called Men's Skin Shave Stick. Looks like a thing of deodorant. Looks like deodorant. Looks like antiperspirant.
It's for lazy people like myself so that you don't have to deal with putting shaving cream on your hands and lathering it up and putting it on your face. You just take this thing and you go on your face and shave. And it smells so good. Comes in three different flavors, scents. The one I got is called Vigor. They also have ice. And Citron. Here's the description. It's $21. Here's the description. First ever precision shaving wand in a sheer, no-mess stick designed to make the daily shaving ritual cleaner and easier. A few quick turns of the stick reveals a soft shave cream that's perfectly formulated to exfoliate, firm, and smooth.
I don't care about any of that. It just smells good. How did you hear about this? You just found it? Yeah, I found it. And if you want it, it's called Men's Skin Shave Stick. And it's the greatest thing ever. It's easy. You don't deal with stuff. It doesn't even get on your hands. Solid. You just and shave. It's the greatest. That's nice. Sienna? Now, something about me is I never buy CDs. I never go on iTunes and buy an entire album. I like a lot of music, and I usually just take the singles that I like. But Woods told me and burned me the Adele new CD, 21, and I'm obsessed with it. The entire CD, every single song I like. And Woods was like, you have to hear it. And not only do I like it, anyone I've played it for loves it. My dad. Everyone would like it. It's really good. And I don't. just put in a CD and listen to song after song. I don't because I'm not like that. But this CD, I can. Every song. I think everyone would like it. She's a unicorn. She's a unicorn. She's unbelievable. Adele's new CD 21, and I love it. All right. In my car right now. Well, we had a recommendation, I think it was from M1 Lizzy, for this coffee maker. And so Jamie bought it. I am 35. And if you guys said, hey, Woods, go make a pot of coffee out there, I would have.
No idea how to do it. I tried to show Woods. How much do I use? Where does the filter go? Where does the water go? And I mean clueless. Still, 35. Can't make a pot of coffee. We have a thing. It's called the Keurig. K-E-U-R-I-G. The greatest thing ever. But it makes single cups of coffee. So every morning I go down. You turn it on. It heats up. You got water in the side. There's a nice little compartment. Shows you where to pour the water. And there are these little pods of coffee. Now, how do you know how much water, how much water? You just fill it up. It's like a reserve tank. Got it. Yeah. And it stays. And so you fill it up. You take your little, your pot of coffee, put it in. It knows how much to take. Hit the button and you put your cup under it and you walk away and it flows. Delicious. A little creamer, put your cap on and you're done. My grandmother had it. Yeah, we have it. How much like a regular cup of coffee does it taste? Better than a Ray. It's so good. Now, there's different flavors you can have, too. I always use Donut Shop. Weird. So the one I use is called Donut Shop. You used to call it Shop. I just call it Shop. I just call it the store. This is called my favorite. It's bold. It's strong. It's really good. It doesn't taste like donuts, right? No, no. It tastes like coffee. So they're trying to make it like Dunkin' Donuts? Dunkin' Donuts. There you go. And they have tea. They have cocoa. They have all these different things you can do.
I go nuts with this thing. I love it. I wasn't a big coffee drinker at home. What about cleaning it? There is no cleaning. There's no cleaning. No, because all the grounds are in the little pouch. They're in the pod, and you pick up the pod, throw it away. It almost looks like a giant creamer. Yes. It's the greatest. It pokes a hole in the top, and the water flows through it, and just comes out the bottom. Wow. It's so incredible. It's so incredible. I think it was like 80 bucks. I think the only thing, my only problem with it was is the pods cost 75 cents. The pods are expensive. The pods cost. Each pot, I think. They do. They cost more than regular. It's just for ease of use. You can get them at Costco, and they're a little cheaper. You get the flavors. I want a good cup of coffee, so I'll pay $75. You want easy, too. And I want easy, because I don't want to mess with grounds and grinding. When I want good coffee, I buy it myself. Connie buys the cheap stuff. I don't want that, so I buy the gourmet thing. I wish they just made the packages more environmentally friendly. Oh, boy. I do. I wish. Because I would be all the way in. So you wish they were made out of, like, banana husks? No. If they were just, like, you know, the... Palm fronts. No, the tough cardboard that you get, like, say, at Starbucks, the little tray. You know, it's, like, that thick, sturdy. So if it was just that, then it would be recyclable. Recycled kimono. But instead, it's plastic. So it's, like, every time you...
I throw it away when I'm beating baby seals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And burning styrofoam in my backyard. You make bullets out of it that you shoot bald eagles with. That's correct. I'm just saying in case Keurig is listening, they would have one more customer. How about you, L.O.B.? I have a couple. Can I do two? I'll save. They're two totally different things. You got me on that toothpaste, by the way. Oh, good. I hate it, but it works. It works. One. What toothpaste? Tastes disgusting. It's the Arm & Hammer baking soda. Do you brush your tongue? Does everybody brush their tongue? I brush my tongue with it. It's disgusting. I know. It's peroxide in baking soda. It's gross, but it makes your teeth wet. It does. It works. Gets the enchilada stains right out every time. I don't just eat enchiladas all the time. No, you don't. Oh, we should have played this while you did the shootout. Do you guys know that I don't even like enchiladas? Don't you? Oh, stop. You're burnt out. I'm burnt out, yes. I ate them so much that I couldn't eat them anymore. Was that your king-sized meal every day? No. We have to have a recording of the audience going.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Let's get a clean recording of this on three. One, two, three. We got to use that forever. We have to use that forever. You guys are so good. That was like harmonized. That was awesome. Did you guys rehearse that? It was like a symphony. That was the best. Here, let me play back exactly what you just heard from the audience that was in here. Here we go. They're good. They are so good. Listen to them. And they're all working together. You guys, you have a gift, all of you. They're great. All right, LLB, you got two. I have a couple I wanted to ask with this opinion. One I already talked about to CBK, and I think he thought I was kidding him. I'm serious. CBK? Yeah. Captain Buskill called in, and I was like, you know, the other day I was in the store, and I saw Entenmann's flavored candles. I was serious. That was real? That was for real. Yeah, they smell.
Like Entenmann's? Like delicious Entenmann's baked goods. Does it make you want to eat, though? It would be really good for, you know, realtors, they'll do like an open house and they bake cookies. It'd be really good for that. Or just to make your house smell really homey. But wait, wait, wait. Because Entenmann's makes so many different kinds of things. Oh, there's lemon pie. There's chocolate chip cookies. And they smell exactly like the dessert. I would want the dessert, though. I would, too, but... Those candles would make everyone fat. And you've smelled them, Allaby? Yes. They really, for real? They smell... Like, I felt like I was... You know those... Oh, those cookies are so bad for you. Those chocolate chip little tiny cookies, and you open the box and go... Yeah. That's exactly what the candles smell like. See, because I thought... Well, they kind of got it, but it's sort of a combination of a cookie and a new car. No, they got it. Well, granted, I did not light it. Sometimes it doesn't always smell, but when I took the little jar off, I was like, oh, it smelled exactly like the box. Where do you get it? I saw it at Rite Aid. Really? Mm-hmm. But you can probably get it online, probably maybe a grocery store. All right. The other one, I was between two. Now, this is for the ladies, but the guys will like it, too. It's called the Classic Booty Pop Panty.
The classic. Booty pop. Booty pop panty. Where'd you find this? Online. Okay. And it's to put like. Wonder what she's Googling. Yeah. I saw it on a blog of Whitney Cummings because she has no butt. She always talks about how she has no butt and her jeans always slide down. And it's kind of like, you know, they make those chicken cutlets for girls that have no boobs, a.k.a. me. I don't wear them. But, yeah, it's for girls that have no butt. So it gives a little boost, makes the pants look nice, rounds everything out. They're a lie. They're a lie. Yeah, it's a decoy. But they look nice in pants. It's a decoy. It's a decoy. I land on your pond and all of a sudden I get shot and your pants drop. Your pants drop. Jay now looks at me, tips his head back, gets a great big smile on his face as if to say, What you gonna do, hombre? But it's good for girls that have little tiny butts. Would you get it? I don't need it. No, you don't. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Oh, boy. Shit, I don't need it. I don't need it, but there's girls that have like...
You know, and it makes you feel a little more. It did almost cause an accident before. I didn't mean it like that. I thought this was a clean show. I thought this was a clean show. You are filthy. I thought this was a clean show. That was the worst thing. I told my little leaguers to listen to this show. What kind of a person said something like that? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Disgusting. I'm disgusting. I can't believe you. Shut up. You got me. Shut up. Oh, my gosh. You are not allowed to yell at Jay anymore. Never. That was worse. Does it? Okay. So back to this.
Panty poppers. Panty poppers. Mike is so spun out. It's okay. And it also covers panty lines, too. Hey, what? Not liners. Not liners. No, but you know how you can- I know. I don't like panty lines either. But sometimes when girls wear, like, dress pants to work, you can see, you're like, ah, I can see the underwear, you know? Number one. And high school guys called it diaper butt. Yeah. Yeah. So this rounds everything out. It's repugnant. Yeah. To see panty lines. Somebody had to borrow grandma's underwear. Yeah, seriously. I mean, give some effort. Go commando if you have to. Have a little effort. If you have to. You are harsh. No lines. See that? Commando. I can see right there. It's commando. It's my fat. That's my cellulite. Dude, panty lines. Slay me. Why is it gross? If there's anyone listening that has ever used the... Panty popper. Classic booty pop. I want to hear if it looks real. I want to see you. Panty. So I've got one. Hi, this is Creepy Uncle Jay for the panty popper. Do you have a booty that doesn't get the job done? Is your booty not big and plenty? Send me a picture. I'll tell you if it does. If you don't like them.
Wear them and send them. Oh my gosh. We accept only worn 30 pop parties for return. Money back guarantee. Double your money back guarantee. How big are they? Double your money back. Are they like regular underwear or are they like wearing spandex shorts? Size 17. They're like tiny little boy shorts, and then there's a silicone butt in them. Wow, I bet it looks fake. That would look weird. We should order one. The picture looked real. We should order one, just for the studio, just to have. We should. They come in nude and black. Jay. Mine is called Dropbox. I told you guys all about it already. Haven't used it once. Me neither. You are forcing me to sign up and you've never used it once. I use it all the time because a lot of times I will use files or documents at work and at home. And so what I was doing forever is I was emailing myself the documents, which is a hassle. So now what I do is it sets up a box at your home computer and your work computer. And if I drop something into that box, when I get home, it's automatically there. Oh, that's cool.
So brilliant. It's like a server kind of? Yeah. It's basically, yeah, and you get two and a half gigs for free, and then as you get other people to sign up. Like you got all of us to sign up. Yeah, and you get a little more space. So it's fantastic. Pyramid scheme. It's his pyramid scheme. Hey, guys, I got these calling cards, too, if you're interested. Mikey, you call Mexico. You need to get in past Denise. You guys want some magazines? I'd be like, okay. Wrapping paper? Come on, buy these cars. Woods, when you get your one phone call, you can use this. Fair enough. Touche, my friend. My little Latino friend. Ladies and gentlemen, yesterday, Michael Jackson's kids were on Good Morning America. Or as Jay would put it, Good Morning American. And they were asked something that I hadn't considered, but I want to get your take on it. We'll do that next time. Would love to invite people out tonight for something that we're doing called banding together. Say this has to do with autism. And our son, Jake, was really, really helped by music. And those are, you know, I got three causes, autism, children's hospital and outside the bowl. And so if it has to do with autism, I'm generally a part of it. And this is a good friend of ours who really helped Jake.
Cool story. Don't know if you guys know. Jake had this DVD and it was for kids with autism. And, you know, Rebecca found it online. Very popular music, all that kind of stuff. Turns out that the person on the DVD is right here in San Diego and does this kind of stuff. And so anyway, we're going to be there tonight telling our story about Jake. with music and how music has really helped them. It's happening tonight from 6 to 8. And it's going to be at a place called Arts in Liberty Station in Point Loma. And it's really, really a cool thing. And tickets are $40. And what the money is going to go towards is scholarships and mentorships with local musicians to kids with special needs. Because there's kids like Jake. that their parents can't afford stuff like this. And so this is what this will go to to help them. Really cool thing. Again, six to eight tonight. And the 40 bucks gets you in. There'll be wine, appetizers, desserts. It's going to be really cool. And some of the kids that have been helped by this thing are going to be actually playing music there tonight, which is really cool. Thank you to McDonald's for supplying us all.
with Egg McMuffins this morning. They were very good. And their new... Sausage McMuffin. Sausage McMuffin. I had one of each. Yeah, sign me up for that. And also they brought us the new McCafe Caramel Mocha. Tastes good. Real good stuff. So good. I love that one. Real good stuff. Okay, so this is... From Good Morning America. It was yesterday. And it's Michael Jackson's kids. I got to ask the questions America has been wondering. What would you like to do? And Michael Jackson's children answered. I guess continue what our dad was doing. An incredible glimpse. That was Michael Jackson's father. Oh my gosh. I thought his kids were like four. Wow. No, wow, he just went through puberty, apparently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want to do what Dad did, you know, basically. Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee. Beat it, beat it, Billie Jean. It's not my lover. I love her. Because this is Thriller. You know she's bad, she's bad, you know it. P-Y-T, pretty young thing. Their hopes and dreams, their everyday lives revealed. I'm thinking about auditioning for a play next week. Maybe leave him alone.
Maybe just let him be. She talks more like her dad. Yeah. Her dad, quote unquote. He was kind of a little girl. What are you trying to say? I'm just saying it's strange. What's strange? Kids don't really look like you in a lot of ways. Blanket looks like me. Blanket looks more like a blanket than me. Yeah. Blanket has a deeper voice than you do. Yes. 50 times deeper. Blanket. Was very fortunate with the gene, you know, genetically. Yeah. Must have gotten it from his mother. Must have gotten it from his mom, Debbie. His mom. See, I was genetically engineered. Yes. From a caterpillar. Yes, that's true. Re-engineered. That's right. My best friend was a caterpillar. Yes. I believe you. His name was Jeepers. Jeepers. I kept him in my pocket.
And then every once in a while when we would go to Payless, I would take him out. Only to Payless. The only time Jeepers was allowed out into the sunlight. Aw, poor Jeepers. Yeah, Jeepers. Poor Michael. That was his only friend. Oh, no, there was Bubbles, the champ. Bubbles, the champ. Bubbles and I had a falling out the last four years I was there. I'm sorry. Elizabeth Taylor was a friend of yours. Her and I had a falling out 17 years. Macaulay Culkin. Brooke Shields. Brooke Shields and I were friends, but had a falling out 17 years. Did you? No. Lisa Marie Presley. No. Did you? Never did with her either. You were married to her. Yeah, but we never did that. You guys hugged in like some sort of weird naked stance. I remember that. I think it makes him uncomfortable. Makes me uncomfortable when I get uncomfortable, I say that. Sorry. Hee hee. Hee hee. New movies that are coming out, Sienna. Yeah, two big ones out today. Hall Pass with Owen Wilson, Jenna Fisher, Christina Applegate. And the other big one is Drive Angry with Nicolas Cage. Which I will see. I will see the first one, and you will not. You're going to see Nicolas Cage. Cars. Tell him, I'm coming. You're too late. Hell's going to walk the dirt. That sounds so bad. I already is walking the earth. Cars going fast. I'm in.
Out of hell. He broke out of hell. To make things right. Can I get a job doing that? You should. Wow, you could do that. I would like to. Make good dough that way. Yeah, I think you can make very good dough. Does that guy have to walk around doing that all day, though? He probably talks like those. Hey, everybody. Hey, guys. I'll take a number two, but don't put any cheese on it. Extra onion. And fries. You could do it. Yeah, you could. That's pretty good. Yeah. I'll take the combo with a Sprite. Two punch. Do you have seven up? I hate when they say, is Pepsi okay? I know. I do too. Like you have a choice. Yeah. Well, what am I going to do? Go for the Sprite. Some people hate one or the other. They taste different. Is that it? That was all the new movies coming out? Yeah. Uncle Victor has a message that he does not want you to forget. Yeah. This is Uncle Victor for... Quit calling the bank so much. Why don't you quit calling the bank? I told you it'll cash. Yeah. Quit calling and talking to the manager. Quiet something. If I tell you that I wrote you... If I write you a check for my company...
You got to give it time sometimes, all right? You don't worry about it. It'll care. The money's there. Hey, this is Uncle Victor for whatever you freaking do. Quit calling the bank. Enough. I'm not kidding you. I'm serious. I urge you to not call the bank anymore. I'll write you a check personally for my account. Uncle Victor. Perfect Italian. He's really something else. Do you guys remember the dude from American Idol that played the stand-up bass and did Georgia On My Mind? Do you guys know a song called Why Don't You Do Right? I don't know this song. I don't know this song. Why Don't You Do Right? Sounds good singing it. Don't know it. I'm here to prove that people like me can be sexy. Well, he's not very... That's the thing, see? He's not your typical...
Not your typical stand-up bass player? Really? I mean... Matt used to play the stand-up bass. Yeah. Matt's sexy. Matt's very sexy. You've said it a few times on the air. Great body. It's so uncomfortable. It's so uncomfortable. It's so uncomfortable when you say that. You guys have a good body. What do you want? Can't hold it against him. Get it. Why do I like that? I love it. I love it. What's this? How dare you? Why don't you like it? I don't know.
No, it has nothing to do with it. If you and I walked into Starbucks and that dude was in the corner, you'd be like... If we walked into Starbucks and anybody was singing, I would sniggle. No, not if Matt was up there jamming his guitar, you wouldn't. I would sniggle if somebody's in there playing. Okay, let's say we went somewhere else that wasn't Starbucks. We went to a club and there's a guy... I play at Starbucks, though. Yeah. There's a lot of live shows at Starbucks. There is? Yeah. Which Starbucks? All over the place. Eskimo. Eskimo plays out front. I've never been to a Starbucks and there's people in there playing. Coffee shops. One in Oceanside in particular. I think maybe Mission Hills. You would be so uncomfortable. So uncomfortable if we walked in and the guy was like. Yeah, he would. I would sound like that. Wouldn't you? When New Orleans, I walked into a place and the guys were beating. Oh, yeah. The deal over there, though. This text says, my boyfriend Jeremy is in the audience. Please tell him I love him. He's one in a million. Who's Jeremy? Hey. Get some, pal. He was asleep. There you go. He was asleep. No, he wasn't. He wasn't. Let's see. 700 pounds of pot was seized in San Diego. No. Uh-oh. Yes. Jay doesn't smoke marijuana anymore. Nope. No.
Border Patrol agents at a Pine Valley checkpoint pulled over a tractor trailer rig, which had over 700 pounds of pot hidden in the truck. It was loaded with a bunch of other produce. There was 84 different cellophane-wrapped bundles of pot worth over $420,000. Yes, Sienna. I will do the story about the dog rescued. By Dolphins. Good. Well, Woods and I were both teary over it this morning. You'd be a monster not to. When we come back. Thank you, McDonald's, for bringing in some food today. Brought in sausage McMuffin with egg sandwiches for everybody and some new McCafe caramel mochas that were real good. McDonald's on the Aero Drive. Stopped the 15.
Very nice. Tonight's 8 o'clock album is Bo Diddley. This is my life, so I know it's not that dramatic. Didn't mean to hit that. Meant to hit that. Bo Diddley is a gunslinger is the name of the album tonight in the 8 o'clock albums. All right, Sienna. A dog was rescued by dolphins. Right? It's a cartoon. Don't sound like that. Don't dismiss. You're so dismissive sometimes. You're like, I'm only going to do this because Sienna and Woods care. I'm better than this story. This morning, Sienna almost had a happy, nervous breakdown. Yes. She was in happy tears. Eyes actually filled up with water. I go, what is what? What is going on? We hadn't even started the show. What's going on? She goes.
I make a noise. She does that a lot. I know that noise. When it's a touching story. It's usually about an old person or a puppy. A child, a dog, an old person. I don't feel like I told him in the right way. It gets me. What happened? This story got me. Earlier this week, an 11-year-old Doberman. Dobermans are vicious, right? No. No. Not this Doberman. Not this Doberman. Not that one. This Doberman. Oh, yes, they can be vicious. They can be vicious. They're good. All dogs can be. They're good guard dogs. They're the ones that are usually chained up to a fence when a burglar's trying to break in, and then they pop up out of nowhere and go, har, har, har. Why are you trying to poison my story? I'm not. I'm just saying. You're poisoning it. No, I'm saying Dobermans. I'm trying to tell you a touching story. Aren't those the ones that eat your face off? They're the ones that are depicted that way in the movies. Sienna, continue. Yes. They eat you whole, I heard. The Dobermans. They traditionally go for the arms. They could eat you whole. Or the face on. Yeah. They eat the face on. An 11-year-old Doberman. His name is Turbo. You know why they call him Turbo? His jaws work like a turbo. Yeah. Like a turbine. Yeah. His favorite food is cheek. Yeah. Human cheek. Yeah, human cheek. Go ahead, Sienna.
There's a reason you guys don't have to. We have a Doberman pincher. And when we say this certain verb, we say ketchup. And the Doberman eats your face off. All dogs are sweet. And they're loving. And they're born to love you. That is true. Now this Doberman's name is Turbo. He escaped from his yard in Florida. He lived in Marco Island, Florida. And he accidentally fell into the canal. Polo Canal. Now, the canal had some high vertical walls around it, so he couldn't get out of the canal. Poor Turbo had to tread water for 15 hours. Oh, my God. Go Turbo, go. Doggy paddling. I know. 15 hours? Yes! How's that possible? Because the dogs are freaking remarkable, dude. That's how it's possible. They're remarkable. Don't cry. That's how it's possible. Don't freak me out if you start. Here's where it gets me. What? Here's where it gets me. What happened? Turbo was swimming for 15 hours. It's over half a day. Nobody noticed him because of the high walls. And then all of a sudden, the neighbor, a woman.
Heard splashing. Was it turbo? Was it turbo splashing to get out? Yeah. No. No. Because he was so tired. What was it? It's a pod of dolphins. A pod of dolphins? And they ate him up. That's so sad. That is so sad. They ate him up. Santa's crying. Oh, my gosh. She's crying. She's crying. Oh, my gosh. Turn around for the audience. You guys, it's touching. Yeah. The dolphins ate him. They did not eat him. They eat him's tail. They eat him's tail, Jerry. They eat him's tail. They eat him's tail. They eat him's tail. They not eat him's tail. I see it. The pot of dolphins surrounded Turbo. Because they're vicious. No. And they started to pick at him. That's right. Like piranhas. The dog turned on the pot. Yeah. You know what? They smelled? They smelled. Very, very easy food. What? They smell bait. Turbo was exhausted and he was going to... The best tasting dog there is. Lean. Lean and tired. That's just the way they like it. He was going to sink. And the woman who heard the splashing heard it for a while until she went out there. Monster. They're estimating hours these dolphins stayed by Turbo's side. One of the dolphins is here now. So sweet. So sweet what you did.
Oh. I hope. Hey, hey, hey. You can't say that. Yeah. Hit the dub button. Say that on the air. The FCC rules. Spinning Turbo around on its nose real good. The neighbor jumped into the canal, pulled Turbo out, returned Turbo to the owner's name. So the neighbor's the hero, not the dog. Yeah, the neighbor did the deed. The neighbor wouldn't have heard it. The neighbor wouldn't have heard it. Wouldn't have known if it wasn't for the dog. So the neighbor is a hero. And the dolphins were trying to eat Turbo. Yeah. I'm with you. I think the dolphins all had bets on how long the dog would float. I'm just trying to poke them. I hope you guys are never allowed to have pets. Seriously, you guys are Michael Vick. Why? Because we're making jokes. Why don't you guys just go hang out with Mike Vick? Yeah. And do some dog fighting. Yeah, just drown some dogs. This is what we are paid to do. Make jokes. That's right. Just drown some dogs. This is a touching story and I'm emotional about it. And Turbo is a badass. Turbo is a badass. 15 hours. Biff, Mike, how long would you last? 15 minutes. 15 minutes, me too. We did not spend a fraction of the amount of time on the woman that was found in the rubble in New Zealand, in a building, in an earthquake. And you want to know something? You know what?
And we didn't try to eat her face off. That is good. That's happy. This is emotional. It's inspirational. The dogs are remarkable. Pretty cool. The dogs freaking tread water. Don't backtrack now. I'm not. That's pretty awesome. What time is your dog fight this weekend? Because I want to stop by. Monster. Not a monster. Not. You're Eileen Wuornos scrubbing your armpits. In a mirror in a rest. Ew. With brown paper towels. I do think it's cool that the dog tread water for 15 hours. It's incredible. It's pretty awesome. They are remarkable creatures. What about the dolphins? They're remarkable as well. Yes, they are. The dolphins stayed by his side. Yeah, and swam around him. If we could all just take a lesson from the animals, maybe there wouldn't be so much hate. That's right. That's so true. Absolutely. M1 Tricia from San Diego. Are you there? It's in one, Tricia. Go ahead. We're having a community chili cook-off this Sunday at San Diego Harley-Davidson. Nice. And we have like 15 contestants. It's all community people like nurses and police officers and firemen. And it's from 11 to 2. And we wanted to invite everybody out. Our families are invited. We're going to have a live band. And I know it's like an ugly weekend, but it's rain or shine, so I thought maybe you guys might want to come out. That is cool.
That is cool. Hey, thank you for the call. We appreciate it. I love you, Tricia. Yeah, we all do. Bye, Tricia. I love you at the show the other night. Thank you for picking up my tab. Wow. Oh, wow. Wow. Easy big time. Easy big time. I never get a chance to thank her. Wow. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Thanks, Tricia. You too. Anybody else? Anybody got anything going on? Happy anniversary to my husband. One year of amazing marriage. That is very sweet. You got a show? I'll just be in Palm Springs, either rained out at the pool or unable to go to the mountains because of the snow. So it's going to be a great weekend. There you go. End of the show on Friday. I give you my story. I tell you my story in hopes that there's somebody listening that can relate to it. And I also want to let you know that I, you know, this is a point in my week where. I tell you about my story and my relationship with God. I do a podcast now on iTunes that you can find if you just search VOM. And I go much more in depth into my faith. My story is that, kind of like I was talking about earlier, you know, I think that a lot of my childhood was spent being really sad.
And I don't mention that that way because I'm trying to elicit any sort of sympathy. I do it because maybe it was you too. Maybe you had that kind of childhood where you felt different or you felt ugly or you felt unwanted. Now, I don't mean that I necessarily felt unwanted from my family. I just felt unwanted in general. And I did feel sad. And by the time I got into my 20s, because I had abilities and gifts, all the hurt that I had manifested itself in mean behavior. And I've hurt more people than I can possibly imagine. With my words and things I've done, I used to be a very different person. I spent a big portion of my life
In shame. And I didn't want to tell anybody about the things that had happened to me. Didn't want to tell anybody about sexual abuse. And I didn't want to tell anybody about how I felt about myself. By the time I was 32, I was completely addicted to alcohol. And there may be people that are listening right now that are in the same place. Maybe there's somebody that's listening that just feels completely desperate. Hopeless. Like they have nothing to look forward to. That has been me. When I was 33, I invited Jesus Christ into my life. And everything changed. It was no cure-all. It didn't make life better. In a lot of cases, life got worse. The difference was, is that I didn't react to it the way that I used to. I don't react to it the way that I used to. I don't drink about it. I don't do pills.
I don't do the things that I used to. And I'm a different person now that actually has love in my heart and care in my heart for people because of what God did in my life. If any of those things have affected your life, go to Mikey show.com. And at the top of the page, you'll see the word help. And if you click on that, there's a lot of resources that you can get to help you with whatever you're going through. Specifically, if you feel like you're not safe. If nothing that you've ever done has made you feel protected, safe, if there's things that you've done that you're ashamed of, mikeyshow.com. You can get help for eating disorders, addiction to alcohol and drugs, and porn addiction. It's all there. At the end of the show, on Friday, I play a song, and the song is really, really hopeful. At least that's what my hope is for you.
Have a great weekend. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next. The song is called Not Alone, and I really hope you listen to the lyrics of the song. It's by a band called Red. And the lyrics to this song were true in my life. Someone who can save a life living in fear that no one will hear your cry.