The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 03/02/11
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
ringtone prankAl Roker tweet controversyCharlie Sheen custody interviewEskimo Blue Waters studio appearanceBuzzword game7 Eleven shoplifting incidentiPad 2 unveil rumorsUFO sighting in BrazilFacebook friends stressWoods' wife illnessal roker tweetcharlie sheen interview
Mikey and the crew launched a ringtone prank that backfired when listeners complained, leading to a discussion about hurting fans. Lauren O'Brien's tweet about Al Roker sparked an on-air apology after she cried in the studio. Charlie Sheen gave a live interview about his twins being taken away, maintaining composure amid the controversy. Eskimo Blue Waters visited the studio, sharing her storm readiness, custodial boyfriend trick, and previewing her Beer Pong song while addressing a Facebook likes dispute.
What happened, in order
Ringtone Prank Idea
Mikey proposes calling each other's phones on air to play ringtones and text sounds, sparking the prank that later upsets listeners.
iPad 2 Preview and UFO Brazil
The crew discusses the upcoming iPad 2 unveil, its rumored features, and a UFO sighting over Brazil that has everyone buzzing.
Woods the 7-Eleven Rat
Woods reports shoplifting teens to a cop at a 7-Eleven, feeling like a rat but hoping to scare them straight.
L.O.B. Upsets Al Roker
Lauren O'Brien tweets that chubby Al Roker was more lovable, prompting his reply and causing her to cry in the studio.
Charlie Sheen Live Interview
Charlie Sheen discusses the police removal of his twin boys and remains calm while explaining his focus on getting them back.
Buzzword Round: Dumb
The crew plays Buzzword with the clue "dumb," shouting answers like dumbfounded, dumbo, and dumpstick, with Lauren winning the round.
Eskimo Blue Waters Studio Visit
Eskimo Blue Waters arrives angry, talks about tornado prep, her custodial boyfriend trick, Facebook likes controversy, and previews her Beer Pong song.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLauren O'BrienSiennaJayChrisSuper MarioRebeccaBrooke MuellerCharlie SheenMark RoseUncle Victor FuddUncle Victor FordGarret
27,705 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Yeah! Hey, welcome to the Mikey Show. Why don't you give us a call, you rascal. 5701949 is the number. It's hump day. And it's March. That happened quick. That happened really fast. Let's see. Let me introduce everybody, and then we will get right into this sucker. I'm Mikey, I'm the host of the show, and I'm wearing a polo. I like it. It's green. It's flattering on you. It is? It's a good color. Yes. It is a great color for you. Sienna told me these are her favorite jeans that I wear. Yes. I will, from this point on, wear them forever. I may not wear another pair of jeans ever. I like your other jeans too, but those are my favorite. They're Sienna proof. Sienna proof. I think they're more flattering, and they're a nice shade of jeans. I like them. Blue.
Maybe I just buy 80 pair of these exact jeans. You could be like Woods and wear the same jeans every day. You could. I actually brought a new pair into my repertoire, but I found out my new skinny jeans I wear. Yeah. My zipper falls on them. Oh. And I will go commando. They go inch down? Inches down. And I got home. Jamie goes, barn door's open. I was like. And I was commando. She's like, you want to put that rascal away? Put that little guy back in the cage. Snake in the cage. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. Woodsy is our sports guy. And he's 35. And he wears a Yankee cap. And he loves the Yankees. I do. L-O-B. Her name is Lauren O'Brien. Wow. Does she have a story to tell you? A little bit later. Happened yesterday. Sienna doesn't know. Sienna wasn't here. And I don't think Jay was here either. Right, Jay? No. Yeah. Really random. Woods was being interviewed yesterday by a college kid that wanted to talk to him about, you know, radio and stuff. Prettiest Latina girl ever. Dang it, I missed it. Yeah, you missed it. So sweet. And she came in and she interviewed Woods.
And I was sitting in here in the studio with Woods and this girl, she was being interviewed. And L.O.B. came in crying. That's all I'm going to tell you. Crying? Crying. We'll explain later. A sad, sad cry? And it was one of those moments where Woods says to the girl that's interviewing, he goes, you're getting to see gold happen right in front of your eyes. You just saw, you know, we just found. Gold. Yeah, gold. We just found it. Oh, my gosh. Let me put it to you this way, M1s. If I were to give you, a computer could not generate a number high enough. That's where I said, I will give you this many guesses as to why she was crying. A computer, Watson, the IBM computer from Jeopardy, couldn't generate enough guesses to ever be correct about why L.O.B. was crying. What time would you like to talk about this? 730? Let's say seven. Okay. Let's say seven. So, well, I'm dying to know now. Yeah. It's awesome. It's pretty awesome. It's random. It's real random. Okay. Sienna is our news girl. She's 25 years of age. She looks pretty today. She's got on a black scarf, and I like it. I wear it all the time. She does look pretty. It hides my boobs. You just look pretty. Thank you. Let me leave that in the car. That's what my husband says. Winning.
You're obsessed with that Charlie Sheen drop. Of course I am. Winning. Winning. Himself. I'll just do my own drop. Whoa. It's on. So, and then Jay is our producer. He's 47 years of age. He's pretty, too. Yes. Yes, he is. And he's wearing his M1site.com t-shirt today. It's true. I love that. He's a big fan of the... The freebie t-shirt. Yeah, him and my dad. Yeah. Hey, they gave it to me for a reason. I know. Like, hey, nice Ishtar t-shirt. My dad, I will get him, like, an entire outfit from... Gap, Tommy Bahama, go all out for him. It'll sit in the closet so he can wear a bug spray t-shirt. 5K t-shirt. Think Jay's ever rated a prize closet? I'm so disappointed that L.O.B. didn't give me anything for the ishtar. I don't know what that means. It was a terrible movie. It was a terrible movie with Dustin Hoffman. It's after Waterworld.
Probably the biggest box office flop of all time. It's probably number two. And it was number one forever. Then Waterworld came along. I watched it when I was a kid, and I was like, oh, my God. It was like torture. It's the worst movie. Unwatchable. It's the worst movie ever made. And our phone screener today is Chris. We need to get a sound effect that's like, dun, dun, dun, dun. Oh, we're so happy when he comes in here. We practically, you know, love rape him, you know? We just jump all over. We're like, hi! We didn't even see him this morning. He walked in and I heard his voice in the hall. And I was like, gross! And I was walking in behind him and Woods goes, get out of the way, I love you. Yeah, he did. I did. It was pretty awesome. 570-1949.
Is our number. M1 Super Mario is on the 15 South right now. What's going on, bro? Yo, what's up, Mikey? Good morning. Good morning. Yeah, hey, I was calling because of that whole phone ringing bit yesterday. Yeah. Hey, I liked it. Man, I was cracking up on the road. I thought it was funny. But, Mikey, I'm trying to hook you up, and I'm going to put into perspective for you why I think the rest of the M1s, you know, why they had that hurt, sadness, and fear. Oh, trust me. I got enough emails yesterday to know precisely why they did. Please, you can tell everyone else. All right, so just imagine, you know, you had that conversation with Rebecca about the iPad. Yeah. She finally broke, and she said, all right, Mikey, go ahead, go buy your iPad. Yeah. Under what condition? Hmm. You had to share it with all the M1s. Yeah, I would be sad. I'd be sad, right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, what he's saying is, is that... He's kind of saying it in reverse, I think. But I think the reason that the M1s were hurt, sad, and fearful yesterday. And thank you for the call. I have to explain what we're talking about. So I'll explain what we're talking about. And Super Mario, I love you, bro. Thank you. All right, man. What we're talking about is yesterday we had a little fun with our ringtones. We're trying to have a little fun. Well, we were trying to have a little fun with our ringtones. It was my idea. And the idea was.
Just for the record, I was never for it. Oh, yes, you were. Yes, you were. You monster. I know. Just for the record. You hairy monster with fangs. So we were having a meeting, a show meeting about ideas, and a couple of people here on the show, our cell phones went off at the same time, gave me an idea. I said, what if we did a thing? Where we went on the air and we just started calling each other's phones. And you heard ringtones and text message sounds. And we have the two most popular phones there are here on The Mikey Show. Minus the Android. We've got the Blackberry and we've got the iPhone. And so, so many people have those phones. When we started ringing them and doing the text message sound, people were flipping out and we were pretending that we couldn't hear it. And we went on this way for quite some time. And then after a little while, we started getting phone calls. People saying, hey, I hear this ringing. I hear these sound effects. And we were like, what? What do you mean? Is it coming through your speakers? Is it coming through your phone now? And it was really starting to freak people out.
At appointed time, I held my hand up like, okay, let's all stop now. We all stopped, got very silent. And I said, you ever just mess around with your ringtones on the air? And it was, ah, ha, ha. You know, it was a big joke. Well, people on the internets, on the World Wide Web, you know, they're on the face spaces and everything. My face. My face and all that. They really, well, some people got really upset. That in and of itself would be enough to make me sad, since that was certainly not the spirit of it. The spirit of it was to cut up. That was enough to make me sad. But some people were like, you lost a listener. I'm going to listen to 91X now. And that stuff was a little bit more personal and hurt. And it hurt because we know some of these people personally, and I understand if you didn't like a bit. I think it's fine to not like a bit. Personally, when I don't like a bit, I don't need to let everybody know how much I didn't like it, but it's certainly your right to. In fact, if you didn't, then we wouldn't even know to not do it again. So I think it's okay to let people know you didn't like it. What I thought was...
is that there is a way to let people know that you don't like something. If I don't like when my wife does something, I can let her know, but I don't have to say to her, hey, I'm out of here, and you just lost a husband. I'm going to go find another broad. Yeah. I mean, that would hurt me. She makes a meal, and you don't really like that meal. You flip the plate over. I'm never eating your food again. You suck at cooking. Or I'm not going to say, Why don't you let me know when this is off my plate and out of my sight? And when it is, I'll come back. Right. That hurts. Yeah, it does. It's not nice. Especially when the intent was good. We didn't have any malintent. We were trying to have fun. So anyway, and I saw L.O.B. and Woodsy specifically. They're kind of newer to being on the radio. And I've had my butt handed to me a million times for doing stuff wrong on the air. But Woodsy, specifically Woodsy and L.O.B., are kind of new at this. And I saw them reading that stuff yesterday, and I could see that it was hurting them a lot. And as the day went on, I was getting more and more angry. And I'm going through some stuff right now with my dad. It's very possible that my dad's prostate cancer is back.
Woodsy has gone through what he's gone through with that stuff. And, you know, I said on our Facebook page, you know, Woodsy's going through this. I'm going through this. And, you know, I don't think that cell phones going off are enough to make people so angry. And then felt like a complete heel. That lit it up, too. I know it did. Did you take it down? I didn't see it. No, I will. But, you know, and then. What it mostly elicited was people saying, hey, we love you. Yeah, it did. Which made me feel good. Me too. But I shouldn't have said that at all. I should know better. And it was kind of that thing we were talking about yesterday with the birth mom that decided to keep her baby and Woods and his wife aren't going to have that baby. You know, I saw my friends hurt and I got... Mad. Yeah. And I did something that was out of character. Papa bear, man. It happens. I do it. Yeah. But anyway, that's what happened. So I think the thing that somebody pointed it out yesterday, it made sense to me. They're like, listen, we kind of felt like you were laughing at us and not with us. And you guys always laugh with us. Yeah, I understand. You always laugh with us. I get it. We do get laughed at a lot, though. Yeah. You know what I mean? And you have to.
You know what? That's our job. Yeah. They're right. They are right. I agree with that. I do too. And as soon as it was put to me that way, it was like, hey, we weren't in on the joke. You know, we were kind of the joke was directed at us. Hey, I get it. I get it. And, you know, that was not, man, it was supposed to be fun. Yeah. To a lot of people it was. It was fun. But, you know, to a lot of people it wasn't. We wanted you, and a lot of people said that they did, to be looking at your phone like, am I losing my mind? Yeah, am I losing my mind? I mean, and people said that they were running around in their office like, whose phone is that? And it's just supposed to be lighthearted and get you to laugh and be like, oh my gosh, they got me. And I got to tell you, here's the deal. Every once in a while, I'll be listening to one of the podcasts that I download of theology stuff. Weird. And you'll hear a phone go off in the audience. and I will look at my phone, and it makes me laugh. Oh, yeah. Like I'm a nut. That was the hope. Yeah. That people will go, oh, my gosh, I can't believe I thought I was going nuts, and it was just the radio. Because we have never pranked our listeners. Yeah. M1TicoTico from San Diego. What's going on? Hey, guys. I get the bit. It was a lot of fun. I thought you guys did great. If you lost a listener yesterday, you gained another one in me.
because I've never called in before. I love you guys. You guys are really super. Thank you. And I'm on my way to work right now, so I just want to give you a little jingle and let you know that we're supposed to. Thank you, dude. Very nice. Thank you, man. You are officially an M1, and now all you've got to do is let other people know about us and get other people to listen to us, and we love you, and we thank you. Okay. All right, bro. Thanks. M1 grunting baby from San Diego. What's up? Wow. Oh, it would be. I'm talking to you a lot on Twitter. No, my child has grunting baby syndrome, so if he's screaming in the background, that's him. Oh, gotcha. Yeah, no, yeah, he's on my lap, and he's, like, grunting all the time, so it sounds kind of weird. Okay. But, you know, I think people, you know, I don't want to say too much stuff about my fellow Americans, but, you know, we're melting children in Afghanistan right now. I mean, you're worried that your cell phone, you think you're, I mean. Come on, I thought you guys, you're doing a bit where, Sienna, you were going to call and do the Incorporator. I just thought at first that somehow the lines got crossed, but I never, who cares? I mean, you take your phone and you put it to your ear and you know it's not your own phone. Thank you. Appreciate that. My brother thought that too. Yeah. Because we tried to do the Incorporator and the phones weren't working. The guy, I mean, wherever we were calling wasn't answering. And so then the phones are going off and everyone's like, ah!
I think I said that even to just stir the pot a little bit. I talked to my dad, M1 Hawk, last night. He was at our lake house. and there were workers there, and he was in the other room, and he said at one point he almost got up and went out there and said, hey, guys, answer your damn phone. I'm trying to listen to my son on the radio. Hysterical. Maybe people are upset with the way that they may have reacted towards people. I know M1 Ninja said that she said, oh, my God, to that other person walking by. Maybe they're upset with the way that they got angry. I ruined a lot of days yesterday. We all did. It's pretty awesome. Hey, but if it makes you feel any better, You made my day. So there you go. Yeah. Mine too. M1 Mama Nikki from Escondido. Hi, guys. Hi. Hey. Okay. So the only thing I'm mad about is that you're apologizing right now. Because I thought it was the funniest bit you guys have ever done. Yes. Thank you.
And I think I turned on M1 just by saying, hey, you guys got to listen to this podcast. Like, the Mikey Show played this prank, and it was hilarious. There you go. So for those people that are giving you guys a hard time, you know what? Who cares? Like, I thought it was hilarious. People take themselves way too seriously. So don't apologize, Mikey. It was a genius. It was a genius bit. Well, thank you. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. That's very nice. And the reason I'm apologizing is because I don't like to hurt people. And so if people were upset, I still want them to know that I apologize. Word of the day is cowboy. All right? When you hear me say the word cowboy. I almost put caballero. Well, I'm glad it was cowboy. That means cowboy, Mike. You have to tell me because I don't even speak Spanish. Okay, so cowboy. When I say that between now and 10, what do you win? Four packet tickets to the NASCAR Nationwide Series at Auto Club Speedway.
Saturday, March 26th. Also, G-Love tickets. And a pair of sunglasses. So you get all three of those things. And don't forget, Eskimo Blue Waters got bumped yesterday. She was supposed to be in the studio. She was furious. She's going to be real fiery. Yep. So she'll be in at 730. If you don't already know it, first of all, we're going to get to the Charlie Sheen stuff, which is huge. There's a UFO. the sighting in brazil that's making news and then apple is big in the news because they are expected to unveil uh the ipad 2 today yeah 10 a.m 10 10 eastern or our time our time oh oh i'm sorry oh that's 1 p.m eastern that's a long time And we know for sure it's going to be the iPad, right? Well, we don't really know anything for sure. But that's what everyone's saying because the iPad 2 is expected to come out sometime in March. First they were saying June, but now they're supposed to unveil this new iPad and announce the release date. The official release date is what everyone's speculating. Really? Yeah. I wonder if it will be soon.
Do they ever unveil stuff at Apple? And they don't know if Steve Jobs is going to be there or not because he's had a sick leave, and so I don't think he will be, which is going to be weird. Woodsy, what do you think about the unveil bit? Hey, it obviously works for them. Their stock is through the roof. It's dynamite. Their products are badass. I mean, hey, if it ain't broke. Here's what I think is so brilliant about Apple. They've got about nine products. You know, unlike Microsoft or whatever that has like, we've got 75,000 products. Like you can't really, okay, you do. And most of them I don't want or need. The whole thing about Apple that I bought in on to begin with was we just make the stuff that you want and use. And can use. Yeah. And it's really easy to use. And it's cool. Yeah. And it's fun. That's the reason I've always loved Apple. And so this is one of their, they don't have very many, but one of their products. So when a new one comes out and it's going to do more stuff, I like it. This one's supposed to take pictures. Yeah. It's supposed to be a thinner iPad, lighter iPad, take pictures in the front and back. It's supposed to have better resolution, everything. And see, what happens is that they do something and then...
All the other companies go, oh, we'll do that too. Apple thinks of it and then the other places go, we'll do it too. They don't do it as good as Apple. One of the cool things that Apple did was they were one of the first to have a program called iPhoto, which makes looking at your pictures real easy and cool. And right on iPhoto, they had a button that said Facebook. And you just click on that button and it uploads your picture right to Facebook. It's awesome. It's cool. Same thing with iPhone. You press a button with the picture that you took on your iPhone and it gives you choices. You want to put this on Facebook? You want to tweet this? What do you want to do? It's rad. It's great. When I had a PC and you wanted to put a picture on Facebook, you got to save it to your desktop. You got to go back. It's like a process. It's a beating. Yeah. So anyway, the iPad 2 is supposed to be unveiled at 10. Yep. Charlie Sheen. Has been on 2020, the Rick Jones Radio Show. Oh, my gosh. The Today Show, Access Hollywood, ABC's Good Morning America. TMZ. TMZ. He's done interviews with TMZ. He's done interviews with just about every outlet there is. Wow. And continues to do more and more and more and more press. And his publicist finally quit. Wow.
Now, the whole world is sort of watching what will Charlie do next. Well, yesterday, two big things happened. One very big, one not so big, but people are saying it's big. I'll tell you the smaller one is that he finally joined the world of Twitter. People are very excited. You can follow at Charlie Sheen on Twitter. Oh, shut up. Yes. Shut up. Stop. Move forward. His first tweet was... Winning. Winning. Choose your vice. And it was accompanied by a picture of him and one of the goddesses holding drinks of chocolate milk and a bottle of fruit juice. You have to explain who the goddess is. The goddesses are his two 24-year-old girlfriends that live with him and take care of his children with him. And while we're talking about his children, that was the other big story. Yesterday evening, police officers went to Charlie Sheen's Beverly Hills mansion and took his twin boys. Out of his custody. Wow. Earlier in the morning, his ex, Brooke Mueller, won a restraining order in L.A. the day before and said that he was physically and verbally abusive to her and that he is currently insane is what she's saying. And she says that, you know, she's fearful that he's going to attack me. She's scared for her children's safety. So the police went and took the two kids. Charlie Sheen on 2020.
All these radio rants have people thinking Charlie Sheen has got to be on drugs again. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. Too much. Just over the line. Mm-hmm. I can't quite figure out if... Charlie, you know, because anybody that knows anything about me knows that I like to rationalize with crazy people. It's a fault. It's one of my faults. I can meet somebody that is completely insane and I'll go, wait a minute. I can figure this out. I know that you're saying that you're from Neptune, but hang on a minute. First of all, do you know where Neptune is? Because it's physically impossible for you to be.
Meanwhile, everyone in the world is like, why are you – don't you – they're not going to – Just leave that Neptunian alone. Just say yeah. And I'm like, no. By the end of this conversation, he will realize he is not from Neptune. But I can never rationalize with a crazy person. I can't do it. But I want to rationalize Charlie Sheen and I want to go – now when he goes, I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. When he does that, I want to know. Does he believe, A, he's being funny? B, is he mocking? Mocky? Mocking? What exactly is the, what was going on for him when he went, Charlie Sheen?
Was it a joke? I don't get it. I think it's like he's trying to be funny, and he knows that people are making such a big deal out of everything he says. So I think he almost is like poking the tiger. He wants to be over the top. Got it. Because he knows people are just freaking out. Right, right, right. So it's his way of going, everyone thinks I'm crazy, so let me show you crazy. Yeah. Got it. Well, Uncle Victor is kind of irritated at people and the treatment that Charlie's getting. Yeah, this is Uncle Victor Fudd. Why don't you leave alone Charlie Sheen already? Stop it. You know, it ain't like you're some schoolboy child or something, you know? What are you, McGuire? What are you? You just grow your angel wings? Yeah. Hey, Charlie Sheen gave us a league of their own. Why don't you give me a break? Give him a break already.
All I'm sick of is turn on the TV and everybody's giving him a hard time. Why don't we try to help the guy already? This is Uncle Victor Ford. Leave alone Charlie Sheen. Oh, boy. Wow. Uncle Victor. Wow. I don't... He wasn't in a league of their own. He wasn't. He sure was not. He was not in a league of their own. Major league. He was in major league. Wow. And obviously Uncle Victor got that. And, you know, sometimes I think when he's doing, you know, translating just in his head, he gets things turned around because, you know, he says, leave alone Charlie Sheen. I love it. Yeah. Probably should be leave Charlie Sheen alone. Yeah. You know, but because of the. Yeah. Translation. Can I tell you a couple other things? I found out about Charlie Sheen yesterday after his interview with The Today Show, which was a little bit more coherent. Yeah. But he, I thought things were interesting. He has two beds in his bedroom, he said. Wow. Don't know why. Mel Gibson called him this week to offer support. Oh, boy. That's good. He thinks Denise Richards, his ex-wife, is smoking hot and that they're better friends now than when they were married. And one of the goddess's mothers.
Didn't know any of this was going on up until yesterday when she called. 24-year-old girl living with Charlie. Yeah, there's two of them. She talked to People Magazine. She lives in Indiana. The mother, she said, I was doing laundry this morning. She said this yesterday. Oh, my gosh. And I had the TV on in the background. I was walking by with a load of laundry, and I heard Charlie Sheen say something about goddesses. And I thought, oh, bother. What is he talking about? I didn't know he was talking about my daughter. I thought he was talking about his ex-wife or something. I tried calling Rachel, her daughter, right after that. I wanted to talk to her, but she didn't answer. I don't want to see her hurt. I don't want to see her hurt? Is what she said, yeah. I wonder how long it's been going on if the mom doesn't even know. Yeah. Oh, boy. What a mess. Maybe since he started the Sober Valley Lodge. That's what he calls his house. Sober Valley Lodge. Amazing. It's the new name of his house. I'm glad the kids were taken out of his custody yesterday, though. That's just scary. Really? Sweet little twin boys. There's an A-list female celebrity that I'm actually a big fan of that was detained for public intoxication. And I have the L.A. police spokesman talking about the arrest. Who do you think it is? I'll tell you next. Easy, cowboy. You're going to find out what A-list female celebrity was taken in for public intox. Somebody I'm a fan of, too. We have a clip of the L.A. spokesman talking about it.
Eskimo Blue Water is going to be raving mad, raging mad at 7.30 this morning when she comes in. She got bumped yesterday. We had things going on. We had a bumper. And she doesn't like to be bumped. She feels that her art is important enough to be delivered to people. You use that term loosely. Yes. So she's going to come in. And she's going to talk about how she's got a new record that's going to drop. And she's working on a new single, wants to kind of let the M1 Nation hear it, see what they think of it. Can't wait. So here is an L.A. spokesperson talking about how Christina Aguilera was detained. She was, let's just say, she was not capable of taking care of herself. She was incapacitated. She was cooperative. She was not belligerent in any way whatsoever. She was just intoxicated. So what we do is that we do indeed arrest the individual on a misdemeanor public intoxication, but we have no desire to prosecute. None whatsoever. It is just for a public welfare, public safety issue. I wonder where she was.
Well, there are reports that she and her boyfriend were out to dinner. Sources say she was there at this restaurant in L.A. called Osteria Moza, and she and her boyfriend were in a private room. And what did she do that got her in trouble? Well, they were driving home, and her boyfriend, Matthew Rutler, was driving the car, and he was not driving very well. He was all over the road, they say, so they pulled them over 245. A.M. yesterday. And he they were taken to jail. His bail was set at thirty thousand. And Christina was released for two hundred and fifty dollars. But they're you know they're saying that Christina they said you know what's your address. And she was like I don't know. Like she didn't know some questions obviously that you should know. But she wasn't acting. Right. She just didn't respond to some stuff. Yeah. Been there. Me too. Right. Yikes. Yeah. So I mean. No, he didn't do anything wrong. Her boyfriend, he got a DUI, I bet. But you can't be drunk in public like that. Right. Yeah, he'll take you in. M1 Graves from North Park. What was the word of the day? Good call. Yeehaw. You got that right, bucko. So, you just got yourself a four-pack of tickets to the Nationwide Series coming to the Auto Club Speedway. And G-Love tickets and also a pair of Anarchy sunglasses.
Look at you. Awesome. Love you guys. I love you. Thank you for the call. Thank you. So, L-O-B. Oh, boy. R-L-O-B. So we were going to do it at 7. Did I? Yeah. Audible? Yeah, because people, well. We have to do it when we say we were going to do it. Yeah, because people are probably going to. Sienna's a stickler, dude. I know. You don't mess with that stickler. We want to hurt everybody again. If someone had to take their kids, you know, get their kids ready for school and they went away to come back at 7, I don't want those people upset. Did you hear what L.O.B. just said? Oh, I heard it. What? I meant it. We don't want to hurt everybody again. That's true. I meant it. Just wait. That's brilliant. I have L.O.B.'s back. I'm a monster. You're not. I think you're hysterical. Thank you, Woods. And I think it's one of the best things I've ever heard. I still have no idea what you guys are talking about. Oh, you will. So Woods' wife has been sick the last few days. Still? Yeah. Oh. Unnecessary, Jay. You're a dead man. My wife just started crying. Thank you very much. She's been vomiting, Jay. Please don't play it.
You called Doc Baker? Bring me a Dr. Clown Shoes. I don't care what doctor. Just get her a doctor, you know? Dr. Clown Shoes. Anyway, no, she's not been feeling well. She hasn't eaten in a couple of days, right? Right. And so she asked Woods if after Little League practice he could stop and get some bread because she was fiending for a PB&J. It's the only thing she wanted. So good. So Woods goes to 7-Eleven to buy some bread and three mellow yellows. Yeah, discovered that they are now in 7-Eleven. If you've never tried a mellow yellow, treat yourself. What is it? Soda. Delicious. Chocolate soda. No, that's not. It's kind of like Mountain Dew, but more lemony. Better. Easy, Donovan. Yeah. They're amazing. White Riley. So as he's leaving. He hears the lady that's stocking the shelves start yelling at some kids. And apparently they put stuff in their pockets they weren't paying for, right? Oh, no. Correct. And the guy at the counter said that it was the second time that day. Yep. The same kids? Same kids. Oh, my God. So she's asking him for their IDs, and Woods leaves, and there's a cop at the Mexican place next door?
So it's a girl cop, right? Yep. Cute. Woods goes over to her and tells her to check these little pieces. I ratted. I ratted. I'm a freaking rat. I'm Henry Hill. Why did you do that? Because I'll tell you exactly why. I go, as you guys know, I am a connoisseur of 7-Elevens. I get a lot of Danish. I get a lot of eclairs there. I can do most of my shopping in there. You love 7-Eleven. Oh, my God. If you looked at my bank statement, it's 7-Eleven, 7-Eleven, 7-Eleven, 7-Eleven, 7-Eleven. This lady that works there is the sweetest lady. She's so kind. She has such a good attitude. And these little punks were giving her lip. And they're little thieves. They're like 14-year-old little thieves. Wow. Yeah. And they were just being little Ds. And I walked out and I go, you know what? Maybe I'd do something right for once. Yeah, I love it. And I go, ma'am, just wanted you to know. Because I think she was going to take down their name and whatever and just let them go again. How old? 14. 13, 14. And I told that cop, I go, you got a couple of punk shoplifters in there. You may want to go scare them a little bit. She looked at me kind of like, and she almost gave like the, but.
She did it anyway. And the last thing I saw as I pulled out was her pulling the door open and walking into the 7-Eleven. And I drove home. I go, you're a rat. You're a dirty rat. And then I go, but you know what? Screw those little punks. Yeah, you don't have any allegiance to them. Don't go steal. I coach my little leaguers. I wouldn't want any of my guys in there. stealing stuff. I love it. Yeah. Stealing little punks. And they gave her lip. The fact that the 7-Eleven lady is sweet. She's so sweet. Exactly. We're more on the level with the owner and manager of the 7-Eleven. Protecting the person you care about. Yes. Which, I mean, hey. You have a relationship with her. Don't mess with my 7-Eleven. Yeah. Okay? Yeah. Don't steal stuff from, that's my 7-Eleven. No, because he's fat. Yes. But I felt kind of bad. But I wanted those kids to have the fear of nothing's going to happen to them. They're not going to get in any major trouble. They didn't do anything wrong. I wanted them to. No, they're nothing. Nothing. What? For stealing? You can get in trouble. Well, if they do. Not anything major. But hopefully it scares them into not doing it again. What they did wasn't cool.
They can be kicked out of 7-Elevens. Giving it to the chick and doing it the second time. Oh, I know. Being punks. I'm just saying, stuff can definitely happen to them. I had friends that were shoplifting in like middle school. They were, cops came down, they were banned from those stores. Oh yeah, but they're not going to juvie or anything. You know what I mean? Like there's nothing, they're going to get their parents called and as they should, they're little punks. They're being punks. Yeah. I used to steal like that from like a little Circle K when I was like six or so. Yeah. I was six or seven and. I carried the guilt till I was like 10. Yeah. And then I finally went crying to my mom while she was laying in bed and told her that I had done it. Yeah. She dragged you down there? No, dude, it happened five years prior. Yeah. So... Jenna did that one time. Yeah? Yeah, she had... months until she told us that she took a little stuffed animal from someone in her class. And she, when she told me, she was like, I have something to tell you. As if it had just happened. And she was so upset. That's so sweet. Yeah, that was me. I felt bad, but not really. I felt like I was ratting him out. Which I was. I stole candy hearts one time and the saleswoman ratted me out to my mom.
Like the little cinnamon hot hearts. We had just come from the dentist. My mom was telling me how proud she was of me and all this stuff. And then I slipped a little box and the lady was like, you know, she just put some candy in her pocket. And I was like, I just took it out slowly and was like, my mom gave me the whole, I'm so disappointed in you. So I went from like being on top of the world, being the scum of the earth. From the penthouse to the doghouse. To the outhouse. In one fell swoop, I did not have the greatest day yesterday. You know, there was the whole thing with what happened here on the air. And then I got home, and we're getting this thing put on our wall that is going to require an electrician to rewire it. You couldn't rewire it yourself? You really want to do this to me right now? You know. He's saying how he had a bad day. I love you, though. I mean, here I am in the middle of telling you about my bad day. Make it worse. Let me just point out the fact that you cannot do anything with your hands. Me neither. Could you have called over Woods to do it for you? Zero percent. No. I can't believe Rebecca just couldn't do it. That's true. Well, we had Harold come over because Harold is an electrician. Yep. And it's not going to be any problem. But Rebecca and I were just not on the same page with the.
hanging of this thing. And she'd had a bad day because of Ryan. Oh boy. I love that child. Me too. Maybe also the hidden audio you might have played of her yesterday. Would that have had anything to do with it? Trying to convince her that you get the iPad too. You know who doesn't have a wife get irritated? The guy that doesn't secretly tape her and play it on the radio. So yeah, so she Ryan was full court press. Oh, no. Full court. Ryan never cry. He's a kid. He's not doing it on purpose. Cry, cry. You know what? Sage doesn't sleep if that makes you feel better. Sage is a little angel. I've seen her a million times. She's an angel during the day, but she doesn't sleep. I've never heard her cry. I'm telling you. I don't think I have either. I don't think I have either. She's the best. She lets anyone hold her and smiles at anyone. She's the best. What's that like? At least Ryan sleeps. Because if your baby doesn't sleep, you don't sleep. I have severe exhaustion. Yeah, you do. Diagnosed. Yeah, you do. But I love her. Keep going. Poor Ryan.
I'm sure that Harold left there yesterday going, okay, well. Loony bit. No, he has kids. He knows. Probably like, why don't you guys straighten this out? Why don't you give me a call? When you guys go maybe on vacation, call me, leave a key, and I'll just come do it then. He has kids. Or maybe once you guys get back from vacation and you're a little more relaxed, you take a look at it then, and then maybe you tell me. And I've looked at my schedule and I'm actually, I didn't even, I failed to mention, I'm booked. I'm going to refer you to a colleague if that's cool with you. He'll take care of this for you because he's a little bit more equipped. He's deaf. And so he's a little more equipped, I think, to take care of you guys with this thing. It was one of those deals where she had no patience and I had no patience. The thing that he's installing is going to have a switch to turn on and off. And he says, so you got a choice with the switch. You could either put it here or put it here. And Rebecca is like, she gets this look on her face like a switch. And I like I'm Mr. Fix it. Know it all. I'm like, babe, did you think it wasn't going to have a switch? Like, who am I?
Bob Vila? Yeah, a switch. Yeah, a switch. Don't hard TCH me. Switch. Switch. Yes, it's going to have a switch. Switch. Watch out. What? And Harold's like, yeah, it does need a switch. And we're just in an irritated standoff. Like she's drawing, I'm drawing. You know, she's had to deal with cry-cry all morning long. His name is Ryan. He cries a lot. That's okay. Yesterday he cried because he was putting a strawberry in his mouth and it didn't go right into his mouth. It hit his upper lip. Well, my father likes something.
It's okay. He wants to make love to his food, too. When it doesn't go right, it's upsetting. All 85 pounds of it was really upset. Wow. It's a joke. It's a joke. He's a sweet little angel. He's in the 427th percentile for weight. It's just a joke. Don't you not joke when you hear one? Luke is on the smaller side, so you think Ryan is extra big. Gosh darn that. Look at that Lukey. No, I can't say something good. No, I can't say anything. I can't say anything. You say Ryan Christ. Gosh darn you. Don't you know a joke when you hear one? Man. Poor Ryan. Poor Ryan. Why do you think he cries all the time? He's projecting. He wants your love. Just love him. We put those two twins yesterday in their high chairs to eat. And we put the food in front of them in little piles. Little pile of turkey meat, little pile of rice, little pile of peas. Five minutes later, Ryan's doing abstract art. He's creative. That's what...
kids do. He got it from you. Lukey, on the other hand, has it all separated. He doesn't disturb it. The way it's placed in front of him, that's the way it stays. And he picks up with his thumb and his index finger. He picks up a piece of food. That's very rare. And he eats it. Yes. Like a sweet little guy. Like a little Ted Bundy. Yeah. He's the one you have to keep your eye on. Yeah, dude. I'm telling you, man, it's switched. That kid has become... It will switch back. Will it? Yeah. Yeah. It's a roller coaster. Yeah. Just ups and downs. Put right on a diet. What's the matter with you people? I was joking. I was just joking. Don't you know a joke when you hear one? Maybe 1%. 1%? Milk. Okay. Nonfat. What's the matter with you people? What? Oh, come on. Aren't we adults? We're adults. We're adults. He's fine. He's fine. I've picked him up before. He is adorable. By fine, you mean chubby. He's not chubby. You're right. He's bigger than Luke. He's bigger than me. No, he's not. No, he is not. He's so sweet. Why do you say things like this? You are terrible. I'm jealous. I'm jealous of him. That's why. He's just going to be tall. He's about to go into a growth.
A spurt. Say it. I can't. It's going into a growth spurt. Going into a new group therapy spurt. You ever been in a group therapy spurt? Jay, dude. Jay's like, I'm out. He's scarred. He doesn't want to talk anymore. I've already flubbed up 17 times this morning. He does it once. He does it once. I know. All right. Well, I love you, Jay. I love him so much. All right. So we're going to tell you about L.O.B.'s day yesterday. Why did L.O.B. come into the studio after the show was over crying? And Woods is getting interviewed by a girl in college. What the hell was that? Really? Shoes on the other foot. Well, I didn't do anything. Mikey was in here the whole time. Get it? Because he interviews young girls. Do I? Yeah.
I can't help you with this one, pal. She was pretty. She was a pretty girl. What'd you do with him? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? Mike, it's okay. You motorboating son of a bitch. Stop it. Mike, when he does things like this, just tell us how you're feeling. Feeling alone and scared. What can we do to make that go away? Tastes good. For the record, I did not motorboat anyone. Just FYI, honey, if you're listening, and I know you are, I did not motorboat anyone. You were a gentleman. I was a gentleman. But during the middle of it, L.O.B. came into the studio and she was crying. Yeah. And wait till we tell you why. I don't even know. Tell you what. It's driving me nuts. If somebody had been able to guess, because there are people that can know now. that already do know. But before they knew, I'd have given people a billion guesses. One billion guesses. But we'll tell you what it was next. Yeah.
See you next time. Now I live on Billboard and I'll put my boys with me. Say what up to Tata, still sitting my top. Sitting courtside, nicks and nets, give me high five. I'll be spiked out, I can trip a referee. Tell by my attitude that I'm most definitely from New York. Now scare it up in the club. I'm going to tell you about LLB. Why did LLB cry yesterday off the air? Sienna, what's going on in the news? I told him in the right way. This Saturday, March 5th, starting at 7.30 a.m., is the finished Chelsea's Run 5K Run Walk. Whatever you want to do, you can run or walk.
Event closing date to sign up is this morning at noon. So if you want to do this this Saturday, which is for a really good cause, it's a fundraiser for the Chelsea's Light Foundation Sunflower Scholarship Fund. Again, this Saturday, Chelsea's finished their own 5K walk, so you can sign up this morning. Also, a UFO was spotted in the skies of Brazil over San Paolo. Brazil. Two different people got video of this, and it's a UFO, you guys. Have you seen video? Have you seen it? It's on the internet. I've seen it. I've seen pictures. Dial it up for me a little later. I want to take a look. But you see this really bright flash or it's light in the clouds and then it just disappeared followed by a trail of colorful bursts. People are losing their minds. It's a UFO. It's unidentified, therefore it's a UFO. Fair enough. Probably a spaceship. Woods? Yes. What is it then? I don't know. It is. Military. In New York? That's always my answer. Military. It's military. Well, I believe it is military. It is military. Not alien military. Somebody's military. Why not? Somebody's military. Because there's no aliens. Really? There's illegal aliens. I saw a video in New York the other day of UFO lights, too. And two different people, one on a subway, another girl in a completely different part videotaped it. It's insane. Maybe it's Spielberg doing an elaborate comment for his next movie. Could be a movie. Oh, boy. What's going on in sports? Well, sports is brought to you by Frank's Red Hot.
Get some. The NFL Combine is going on right now. And over the weekend, you know the name Ryan Mallett. Yeah. Ryan Mallett was the starting quarterback for the University of Arkansas. And pretty good football player. But there's rumors that have come out about heavy drug use from him. And they were asking him about it. And this is Ryan Mallett. He sounds exactly like Skittles. Cut one. You know, I would say I'm a great person, but I'd also tell them, ask the coaches and ask the people that I've worked with before. And if you want to know about my character, ask them and they can tell you. You said you're not upset about the Brewers. How do you think things like this get started? Because they sort of take on a life of their own. Yeah, I mean, I can't tell you. I mean, when I saw that stuff, I laughed about it. I mean, it's, you know, can't control it, though. Yeah. Do you have any issues or anything like that? No, not at all. Yeah, they had asked him a few times, man, tell us about your drug use and your heavy drug use. Are you addicted to drugs? And he kept denying it. So that'll be interesting to watch because he's a really good quarterback. We'll see where he goes. And Carson Palmer apparently told one of his friends, a confidant, that he will never play in Paul Brown Stadium ever. He said he has, quote, $80 million in the bank.
I don't have to play football for money. I'll play for love of the game, but that would have to be elsewhere. So he is more than likely not coming back to the Cincinnati Bengals. That's a lot of money. 80 mil in the bank. What's that like? Hey, Carson, you forgot your wallet. I found $80 million in it. You might want it back. You come in, too. I come for the strudel. The strudel. Really, Jamone, you come here? For the strudel? Yeah, it's great. Yeah, I'll take a strudel and some milk, please. And then I'll go. But I come here for strudel. And iced tea. And iced tea. So I'm Mike, and that's Woods, and that's Lauren, and that's Sienna, and that is Jay, and our phone screeners. So yesterday, there's a little Latina. In the studio. After hours. There are two little Latinas in here. Yes. Latino and a Latina. Yes. It's okay, Mike. It's okay. Are you denying the fact that you're Latino? I'm denying the fact that I'm Latina. Okay. Fair enough. So.
Here's this little Latina girl in here interviewing Woods for SDSU. And it's just the three of us. And in walks L.O.B. And she's crying. And we're like, what's going on? What's going on? And she goes, I just... And it took her forever. She couldn't even get it out because she felt bad. And we were like, what? You were crying that hard? Well, she wasn't crying that hard. She was crying. I couldn't say it. And she couldn't get it out because it made her feel bad. It was making me feel sadder. And she didn't want to verbalize it. She didn't want to verbalize it. And we said, what, what? She goes, I made Al Roker upset. I hurt his feelings. Al Roker? What? Al Roker. And our jaws drop open. She liked him better when he was chubbier. She liked the chubbier Al Roker. I said he was more lovable. He was more lovable. What? And she didn't even put his name like, you know how when you put somebody's name, they see it? Yeah, she didn't even put that. Okay. But Al Roker writes her back. What? And says, I'm glad my wife doesn't feel that way. He said, fortunately, my wife doesn't agree.
So is he following you? No. So somebody must have like sent it to him. But I thought about it. Let me tell you. It's Al Roker because it's verified. It's Al freaking Roker. When it's really the person in question, it's verified. And it has a verified checkmark next to it. And I thought about what I thought. I was like some clown out there retweeted what I said and probably copied him on it. However, if you needed to attach my name to it, you would have also had to put the little at symbol in front of my name. Why didn't you even write that? I don't know. Like, what do you have against Albroker? Yeah, what did he ever do to you? Stop it. You're going to make her feel worse. I don't understand it. Let me tell you, we're going down in the elevator. We're all leaving. We're going down in the elevator. And she's still crying. And she's like, I didn't mean to hurt him. Yeah, true. Al Roker. I really felt so bad. I tweeted him back. What did you say? I said, don't listen to me, at Al Roker. I'm just a stupid comedian. You are lovable anyway. Because my original tweet was, I think chubby Al Roker was more lovable. I really do.
Did he write you back to that one? No. Was there something that someone said about him first in your responding? No, I'm trying to tweet once a day. That's what I'm trying to do to be good. And I just saw Al Roker on the TV and I was like, man, he just looks just different. And I just... He's tweeted it. Well, he's lost a lot of weight. He's lost a lot of weight. He should be proud of the accomplishments that he's made. Don't backpedal now just because you hate Al Roker. Wait a minute. You want him to fall on his face. In defense of Lauren, I didn't think it was that bad. I mean, it wasn't. It's not like you were calling him fat. I know. That would be worse. Look at how much weight he's gained or something like that. Yeah. Mikey said, Chubby's not bad. I said, it's not nice. It's not. Yeah, I mean, it's not that bad. It's not like calling somebody fat. He called me out. My next tweet, I made it about the Pillsbury Doughboy because I figured that way, that's an inanimate.
object. That's not a real person. I can't tweet about people anymore. Maybe go a different... Get up with the fat people. Leave fat people alone. That's not what I meant. Next one will be me. Why do you hate fat people? Why are you so pro-obesity? I would say to leave the Pillsbury Doughboy alone because everyone's always poking him in the stomach. Maybe you leave fat people alone. He's a dough ball. Maybe somebody copied your Pillsbury... thing to Al Roker, so he thinks that you're saying it again. He's like, oh, I guess she's just on a campaign. I guess she just wants me dead. I feel so bad. I'm so sorry, Al Roker, if you're a fan of the Mikey Show. I would like to have a press conference, if you don't mind. If you don't mind, I'd like to have a press conference. I have a question. Mikey Esparza from the Small Hispanic Cadet. My question is... What disparaging remark about overweight people will you tweet today? No, that's not what it was. See, the thing was, excuse me, Mike. Yes. I wanted to tweet about Charlie Sheen. Right. Because he's very relevant and everything. And I thought, you know, that guy's just not in a good place. I would be a monster to tweet about someone who's just not right in the head. Right. Excuse me, Monster O'Brien.
I don't answer to that. My name's Steve Woods. I'm with the Chubbs Gazette. And I just wanted to let you know that we really take offense to your anti-fat guy jokes. No, no, no. Maybe, Gallagher, you get some other bits. No, no, no. I'm pro-chubby. Mrs. O'Brien, I'm with Weight Watcher Magazine. What do you have against fat people? No, no, no. In fact, I said he was more lovable when he was chubby. I would prefer that he was chubby. Yes, Mike. No, I'm a different person. I'm Mike Esparza and I'm just fat and just got into this press conference. My question is, why is it that you... despise overweight people. No, no, no, no, no, no, I don't. If you read my tweet, clearly I said, I believe he was more lovable when he was chubby. Yes. Miss O'Brien, my name is Jay Isabel. Will you take your shirt off? No. How about your pants? Nope. You got panties on? Miss O'Brien, do you or don't you eat donuts in the morning? I...
Don't usually. I have. I have eaten donuts. Yes. Yes, sir. I'm 1992. My name is Michael Shannon. And I was just wondering if you will any time in the future have a campaign against others. Deadly diseases. No, no. Heart disease. No, no, no, no. Diabetes. You're getting it all wrong. Gastric bypass. You're getting it wrong. You see, I didn't say he's more lovable now that he's skinny. Yes, again. Ms. O'Brien. Oh. It's Charlie Sheen. Oh, boy. Do you like cocaine? No, I don't. That's it? Yes. I got a question. Okay. Why don't you leave along the fat people? I will. I will. I am never going to do it again. Yes. Hey, my name's Garrett. I'm at 94.9.
Garrett, tell me this. When I was in Detroit, they have a high propensity for obese people. Do you have a problem with people from Detroit? No, I don't. What about fat people from Detroit? What about fat people from Philly? No, no, no, no. I have a lot of fat relatives that live in Philly. So, wow. I mean... So in all seriousness, L.O.B., why do you hate Al Roker? I don't. It was a heartwarming story. Oh, boy. He's on TV right now. He's talking about it. Mr. Roker, what's going on? I'm doing okay. Life's good. Are you? Are you? Are you Al? Are you doing okay? See, doesn't he look? He was more jolly when he was jolly. He looks great. Look at that face. We paused it. I'm going to take a picture of this and post it. He looks like he's lost a lot of weight. It's going to say what L.O.B. did to Al Roker. That's going to be the caption. That was his face when he read your comment. That's when he read the comment. He looks stoned. He's like, yeah, sign me up for that. Look, I'm really. You should have told him that you really like black. I thought about it. I thought about it.
Gigantic. You should have said what you lose in your obesity, you make up for in your blackness. I thought about something very similar to that. I just didn't know if I was going to stir the pot even more. Poor Al. Let's see what Al's saying. Some more rain coming into the Pacific Northwest where they're going to be looking at snow as well. Another powerful storm bringing plenty of heavy rain along the coast and inland. We're going to be looking at snow from Portland down to San Francisco, even Los Angeles. We will see anywhere from a tenth of an inch to an inch of rain. And then we're also looking at one to two feet of snow in the central Sierra, the Mount Shasta, and the Siskiyou Mountains. That's what's going on around the country. Here's what's happening. I'm also being deeply hurt on Twitter. He always says, in your neck of the woods. That's right.
It's a bit he got from... Why are you now making fun of him for that? No, you're not. Yeah, he's on originally. He's stealing and killing. That's insane. He's stealing bits. That's what he does. I think he looks fabulous. I just think he looks jollier and more approachable and lovable as Chubby or Al Roker. Oh, boy. Just keep saying that. When do you think that he'll have to get a restraining order against you for wanting him... It just made me realize the power of the internet and everything you put up there. Everybody can see. I wonder if he'll go... back to the doctor today and say, hey, apparently, you know, it's not sticking. You know, I need more. I want more. It didn't take. We were saying that he was like, as soon as he got the tweet, was like, great! Like yelling at the producers. Freaking great! You're the ones that told me! Flipping tables. They already confused me with Brian Gumbel. I'm done! I'm out! You know, I can't win around here. You know? First of all, people are always walking up to me saying, Excuse me, Mr. Gumbel. Can I have your autograph? I'm sick of that bit. I'm damned if I do. I'm damned if I do. I'm damned if I don't. How many times can I be called Urkel? I'm done with it. Oh, boy. Whoops. There it is. Oh, okay. A fat Albert joke. Great. That's original. It's killing me. It's killing me. Ah!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I told him I was sorry. You didn't mean it. It really upset me that I upset him. Yes. You cried. I know. M1HB from Arby. Are you there? I am. What's going on? Lauren, you have a public profile in Twitter. So what a lot of celebrities, they have either people or they will just search their name. I figured as much. Really? I don't know if he does his own Twitter or not. He might have just at that moment happened to search his name and he saw that. Yeah. So don't worry about it. It took a whole day, though, for him to get back to me. And that's what I thought. I was like, maybe he has some little bot that just does a search. Yeah, I don't think a lot of people are talking about all Roker, so there's probably not a lot out there. Yeah, fair enough. You were the only one in the inbox that day. He's like, ooh, look at this. I got a taste. I got one. I love one. And then he's like, oh, never mind. It's a little blonde. Oh, never mind. That's brilliant. Can I tell you what made me even more of a monster? What? You want me to say it?
He has like 65,000 followers. Oh, wow. So I thought, well, maybe people will see me in his tweet and be curious as to what I said. And then maybe they'll think I'm funny and I'll get more followers. I didn't. Opportunistic. I didn't get a one. That's not what the intention was, but I was trying to look for the silver lining. Yeah, that would have been a silver lining. Apparently all of his fans. Three more followers. Breaking the guy's heart. Monster. You can find us all on Twitter. Mikey Show and then our name. Mikey Show Mikey, Mikey Show Woods, Mikey Show Lauren, Mikey Show Sienna. You're not going to get much action there. I kind of just want to pull your Twitter up at some point and look at it. I know what it says. It says Monday morning and we're back on FM 94.9 and I think it was our first Monday back. Yes! Then she forgot her password. It's, I graduated kindergarten today. I'm so happy. Finally got the Barbie dream house. Finally. You are welcome. You can find Jay under Mikey Show Woods. Or no, Mikey Show Jay. If I tweeted, it would be weird. It would throw people off. They'd be like, oh. They'd be spun out. People continue to follow you though, right? I have to create a new thing, I think. I don't know how to do it. Just show me how to work the computer.
It's not an excuse. Write that down. You should. That is so Sienna. I like Twitter now. I used to hate it and I like it. I think it's fun. I go up and down with it. What? You and your talking to celebrities. I don't like it. He attacks celebrities. I don't attack anybody. I will respond to stupid comments from Red Sox loving Buster Olney. All he does is talk bad about the Yankees. That's it. You're very passionate. I'm like, you are such a douche. Have you or have you not tried to get Scott Baio upset? No, I haven't. I follow Scott Baio. I have never tweeted him. Have you or have not gone after Terrell Owens? Yes. Will you start tweeting Charlie Sheen? No. You sure? I'm positive. Lindsay Lohan? The only guys I will try to engage in a debate, it's just a friendly debate, I'm passionate about sports, are sports people. I have gotten into a verbal altercation with Ozzy Guillen, who is the manager of the White Sox, his son, Oni.
I've gotten in. His son. I've gotten in. Not even Ozzy Gere. His son. Well, because Oni likes to run mouth, and I like to run mouth, so please. We had it out one day on Twitter. He's a little nepotistic little punk. What does nepotistic mean? He's famous because his daddy is. He's friggin' Brody Jenner. You're nepotistic if your parents are famous. Nepotism is like when you get favored because you're related to somebody. Yeah, and he has run, he has literally run players out of the White Sox organization. They're like, they're idiots, Oney and Ozzy. So I've gotten into it with him, which is funny. It's on. That's right. It is kind of cool. I've never had a celebrity respond to me, and I didn't even... I didn't even mention, I don't know why Al Roker got back to me because I didn't even try to engage him. But to think that they're just like a click away doing the same thing that you're doing. Yeah. I can see why all the young people are on Twitter. I wish that somebody with iPhone could show me how to do, because I don't really know how to respond to people. I bet Chris could show you. Gross. You need to do TwitPic because you like to take a lot of pictures. You should be doing TwitPics more. I'm over the TwitPic.
I love the twit pic, man. You don't like seeing pictures? Oh, I love it. It's another step that I feel like people don't like to go click on it. Oh, when I see, like, Nikki Six twit pic, I'm like, oh, sweet. Oh, I'll go back to twit pic. Yeah, start twit pic. I want to know, like, what you're looking at. Yeah. You do? Yeah. Show us. Come here, Chris. Show us what you're looking at. Something sexy? Are you holding a hand mirror? Ooh. Hey, Lauren. Are you standing in a shower made of mirror? If you are, twit pic. Damn. Can I see you, Node? Node. Chris, do you know how to use Twitter on the iPhone? Yeah. You do? Yeah, there's a lot of different apps for it. Twitter has its own app. I know, but people will hit me up with stuff that's called at. Yeah. Okay. That means they're referencing you. Yeah, and I don't know how to respond to them.
And I know that people do, and I feel bad that I don't, because I don't really know how. You just hit reply, right? Yeah, you hit reply, and what I don't like is that it doesn't actually have the original message, so it just looks like you just have... You're just referencing them back? That's the deal. That's the thing. That's what I don't like. Yeah. I hit this button, and then it just puts their name in there. That's just a Twitter thing. And am I just supposed to answer back? It's not your fault. It's a Twitter thing, not the iPhone Twitter thing. It just will – so what I do is copy and paste, and then sometimes I put an RT if I want to retweet somebody. Yeah. Yeah, but if you copy and paste, then there's too many characters for you to write back an appropriate message. That's the thing. I wish you would automatically quote it. That would be kind of cool. If you don't want everyone to see what you want to say to that person, I just direct message them. If somebody's following you, you can send them a direct message. All right. I don't want to get people too angry because we're talking about Twitter too long. Okay. I can't take another day of anger. Stop talking about Twitter! It's a lesson that some people may want to know. L-O-B. No, I'm sorry.
Sienna, tell me about the middle school boys that were expelled for running a fight club after school in Washington. Yes, nine sixth grade boys were expelled from Washington State Middle School. The people working at the school found out that they were doing their own fight club to see who was the, quote, toughest. Sixth graders? Yeah. I would not have been. In that fight club. Nope. What? You wouldn't have been? No. Really? They had a sandwich club. I'd be in it. I would have been in Oreo club. Cinnamon bun club. Frenching club. I would have tried to get in that one. I was in that one, actually. As president. Well, there were rules to the fight. Like, they weren't allowed to punch each other in the face. But, yeah, they were all expelled because of this. Every day. After school. Fight club. So, no punching in the face? That's probably okay. They're wrestling. They're like wrestling. You cannot punch. Do you have a good guitar? The length of their expulsions, they say, is decided on a case-by-case basis. Woodsy, give me something. Give me a little riff. A little taste? Something good to eat. Yeah, give me something good to eat. You got it, pal. Give me what I want to hear. I'm going to give you what you want.
Have rules like don't kick in the nards. They have rules like don't pump my face. Boys in the third start fight clubbing. Little kids are back. Move forward. Okay. I love that. Oh my gosh. Brilliant. I love that. They yell at me. Get so angry. Maybe you could drag my cuddles. Let's play buzzword. Yeah. Call us right now. 570-1949. What do we have as a prize, Jason? I don't know. All right. Here we go. We've got a two-day weekend clinic at Surf Diva Surf School. Can boys do that, too? Yes. Yeah. It's not just for the gals. It's for the boys, too. The boys are the lucky ones that get the females. Oh, nice. That's what I'm talking about. So call us right now if you want to play buzzword, and we'll do it.
We're going to play Buzzword. However, something is going to take precedent over Buzzword. Want to let people know, createyourdesignonline.com is available to you. I am talking about Jared, our friend Jared, who runs createyourdesignonline.com. I'm talking about high-end graphic design. He's been doing graphic design for me for years. Did our billboards, did the... Mikey Show website. He's really good. So check it out. All right, we're going to play Beer Pong in a second. Beer Pong. Wow. Beer Pong is a new song that is going to be called Beer Pong. I'm in. No, it's called Beer Pong. It's a new song from EBW. We're going to let her in here in a minute. We're also going to play Buzzword. But, but, Charlie Sheen is being interviewed.
Live right now. Weird. Outside his house. Charlie Sheen joins us now for an exclusive live interview along with his lawyer, Mark Rose. Thanks to both of you for joining us. Good to see you. He looks like he hasn't slept in three days. It hurts my heart. He looks old and skinny and just beat up. Well, let's start with the very beginning. What exactly happened? By the way. We announced this morning that his twin boys were taken away from him yesterday. Brooke Mueller is his ex, and she had a restraining order put out to get the kids back. At your house last night, you were at home. The boys were awake or asleep? They were just being put to bed, and my assistant Rick informed me that the police were on their way down to issue a restraining order. And I thought, okay, we can deal with that. I got you on the phone. Got my lawyer on the phone. And then it was revealed once I opened the door that they were there to remove Bob and Max. So, you know, I've professed in this last few weeks to, last few days rather, to not deal and, you know, come from a place of panic, ego, emotion, any of that. So I stayed very calm and focused. And, you know, somebody badges you, they win in that moment. And it just seemed odd, though. There were other people there that didn't really seem qualified to.
carry out such an operation. Like who? A couple of gentlemen that wouldn't identify themselves, wouldn't show any ID, wouldn't just look like they were more from what we found out later, the rehab facility than the actual law enforcement. And so... They were probably there to try to assess whether or not he was under the influence. Could be. And... And once they probably gave the, oh yeah, to the coppers. Wow, you think so? Well, I mean, why would, he said that they found out later that they're from a rehab facility. Why would a rehab facility, why would rehab facility people be there? Can you get court ordered rehab? Well, I mean, yeah, you can, but he didn't, he's sitting here. I was just wondering if they were going to, if they were there to assess and they were like, he's not on anything, but he's crazy. Could be. I didn't push it because I'm not into resisting the law. and just had to surrender to it, knowing that this is now, I guess, the challenge I claim to be looking for, and I'm more than willing to take on this task. If anybody thought my focus was directed in a radical capacity, that's going to seem like child's play. So they went upstairs. I mean, who went and got the children, and how did they take them out? I didn't.
By the way, I'm now to the point where Charlie Sheen and his madness is like normal. Yeah. Like it doesn't, if this were the first time you were seeing it, in other words, somebody woke up from a coma of two years, they would be going, oh my goodness, what's going on? But we're used to it. He sounds a little bit more composed today. Yeah, a little bit more mellow. That attorney helps next to him. Yeah. He got a talking to. A shocker on his belt. You think? Yeah. And we just very calmly and, you know, we videotaped the whole thing just so there was no, nobody could claim otherwise. You've seen the video. It was all very even and direct. And they didn't have car seats, so I provided them. And I said, I love you. And I said, don't say goodbye. Don't say goodbye. I say, see you later. And later is, as we believe, to be very soon. Sitting here right now, hours after this happened, do you know where your children are at this moment? I do not. I do not. That's a really good question. That's a really good point. Yeah, and isn't there some legal protection or some law that should inform the father of where his children are being removed and delivered to? You or any other father has the right to know where your children are. The silence by Brooke's attorneys is very conspicuous.
Did you say to them, did you say to those police officers, A, where are you from, and B, where are you taking my children before I just hand them over to you? By the way, you know what's going on. See, now, yesterday I found out, because I don't know any of this stuff, that Brooke Mueller has her own issues. Yeah. Yeah, well, after the incident that happened in Colorado over a year ago with the Thanksgiving or Christmas, one of those holidays where he... apparently hit her and that whole thing happened she just went a little nuts after that and had like some drinking problems and she's checked into rehab she's out now and and you know looking like the sane one out of the relationship maybe she's sober now yeah i hope yeah well it sounds like what happened is she's just like us she's been watching tv and she's like who are these two 24 year old girls yeah playing mom to my kids yeah i mean the whole thing is weird and everyone's saying charlie sheen's crazy you know and what kind of mom would just let your kid go to him unsupervised yeah well and if indeed he is rehabbing at home kids shouldn't be there no right you know yeah it'd be an ugly i uh stupidly this is on me i assume they were going back to the house that they've been living in with brooke when they're not with me and uh
And I think we got reports last night they were at a hotel in Santa Monica somewhere. I mean, at this moment on live television, I do not know where my children are, but I'm not panicking. This is not about emotions, not about ego. It's just about getting very focused and getting very much in touch with what I have to do to complete the task of bringing these two beautiful young men back to the home that they deserve to be raised in. There's nothing, there's more love, compassion, support. So cute. childcare and everything else you could possibly want for a child in this lovely home. It's not a house, it's a home right down that hill. According to TMZ, and they posted this overnight, Brooke went to court yesterday and told the judge that you had threatened her recently, and that's why she filed this court order. And she says you told her, I will cut your head off, put it in a box, and send it to your mom. It's colorful. Did you say that? No, I did not. That's a good one, I guess. I mean, I guess if you spend enough time around me, you can... formulate things and make them sound like it could have come from my mouth, but you could do that watching reruns. A lot of people watched that video that we heard of the Today Show yesterday morning when we were in the house with your two girlfriends, the goddesses, and said to themselves, you know what, maybe two young boys shouldn't be raised in this kind of environment, you know, with women who they're just meeting.
How do you respond to that? How do you respond to the critics and clearly your estranged wife who agrees, who doesn't think they should be raised there? I invite anybody at this point to come in and just observe. If it's a court appointed monitor, if it's somebody from her legal team, if it's her, if it's you with a camera. There's nothing to hide. As I said, there's nothing but love and compassion and absolute support for these amazing children. I'm going to go ahead and say that... You know, that regardless of what people offer in the form of judgment or opinion, based on preconceived whatever, it's 100,000 times better than what's going to be delivered or offered in her house. Will you sit here today and say you're willing to go to the negotiating table with Brooke Mueller? I mean, I'm sure your level of anger is through the roof right now, but are you willing to sit down and do this for the children? Yeah, I'm not screaming. In fact, you're screaming at me. You're screaming at me. Stop poking me. You're actually, you've got a stick, and people can't see it. It's actually through my pant leg right now, and it's poking my buttocks. And people at home watching this on national television can't see what you're doing, but ouch. Ouch. It hurts. Had I received a phone call, had you received a phone call, would I have been willing to play ball and say, absolutely, this is fine.
I was going to call her because she'd been requesting a two-hour visit asking Lourdes the weekend to bring them somewhere. And I had rejected it because I knew that, unlike myself, that a drug test would not be clean. In fact, when we were aware that Brooke had gone to the police and the police took no action, we were concerned because it was Charlie's court-ordered time with the children, and I attempted to contact Brooke's attorneys, but no one returned a phone call. Is this normal? In your experience, I mean, is this something that... Yes, for, you know, like really trashy people. Yes, it is. Coked up celebrities, yes. Yeah, it actually is, believe it or not. When celebrities... use drugs, this happens. Is there usually an event that happens that would lead police to come to a house at night? Yeah. The event being the issuing by the court of an order, but it's atypical for a court to issue an order with no notice whatsoever to the other side. Oftentimes, courts will do that in abundance of caution, and then we just have to figure out what we do next. So what's next? As Charlie's lawyer, how are you going to try to get these children back? I don't want to show my hand.
But we're going to evaluate what the allegations are, figure out where we can get not just Charlie's word against Brooks, but where we can get other people to verify, independent witnesses to verify the accuracy or inaccuracy of statements. It's interesting, though, because it just rehashes a lot of old stuff. It's unfortunate they chose to go this route instead of communicating. But we're always willing to sit down and try to work something out. Absolutely. Is there anything you want to say to Brooke who may be watching right now? Boy, that's not an inciting sort of question, is it? Just a pointed, loaded question. Yeah. Just an observation, too. Why are they outside with a generator, like, down the street from his house? Why aren't they in his house? I have no idea. Maybe he's afraid people are going to figure out where he lives. That's in Beverly Hills. But why wouldn't they be? LLB's right. Why aren't they in his house? You can hear the generator. It's like... I've seen cars drive by. Yeah. It's really weird. It's, like, very dark, too. Yeah. Considering there's a restraining order. Yeah, I know. I understand. I mean, is that violating it through live television? Is that in the restraining order? Those things get pretty creative these days. There's no order preventing you from contacting her, but you never want anything twisted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brooke, I'm sorry that you felt this had to be done in this way, but this does not display any responsible parenting in anything that I'm familiar with. And I think that you did. Cooler.
I've never been to law school. Personally, my suggestion would have been don't say anything. Don't speak. I'm so sad right now. Fingers to his lips. He says, excuse me, I'm going to have a word with my client just for a moment. If you don't mind, let me just have a word with my client. Arlie J? Yes, J? A-OK? I'm so lost. You guys are good. Yeah.
Ingbray. Anything. Ute. Eindmay. Utway. Inningway? Utway. I-S-J. Edsay. Whoa. Utway. You guys have a gift that a lot of people don't have. Inningway. I have no idea. No idea. Inningway. That I understand. Idday. Uye. Etday. Atday. Eindmay. How airday. Uye. Smarter, leveler, heads can prevail. And I urge you to reach out to me and immediately, if not sooner, and tell me where our sons are. And we'll leave it there with the children. I want to move on to your legal battle with CBS. Oh, that. The lawyer's like, shut up. Shut the lights on. You've been out of work now for about a couple of weeks now. Yeah. And obviously the future of the show is in jeopardy at this point. CBS and Warner Brothers haven't said much, only that...
You lost your job this season because of your conduct and your statements and your behavior. Sure. First of all, your lawyer has sent a letter to them demanding that you get paid for all eight episodes. Here's a question for you, Charlie. What's his co-star's name? John Cryer. Here's a question for you, Charlie. You notice how John Cryer doesn't have the Today Show? on his street right now with a spotlight talking to his lawyer because his twins just got taken away and there's two gacked up girls in his kitchen that are 24. Like, you know, Charlie, it's... I think he thinks he's such a rock star that he deserves the right to do all the things that he... I think he feels justified in his crazy behavior. Because he's a success. He thinks that he's... wildly a success. Yeah. And just such a rock star. Like, that's why he says, I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen and you couldn't handle it. Yeah, you would implode and your children would cry over your exploded body if you took Charlie Sheen. He's like, this wouldn't, did you expect this to be a normal interview? Yeah. I'm Charlie effing Sheen. No, he didn't say that. I'm paraphrasing. It's on.
canceled the season. And for the first time... Hey, this is Lars Ulrich. I'm not as big as a rock star as you're freaking acting right now, man. Since this really happened, Les Moonves, the president and CEO of CBS, spoke out at a private investor conference. We have the sound from that. There was audio rolling, so let's take a listen. Doing eight less originals saves us quite a bit of money. I'm not saying long-term I want this to go on. or it's great, but the repeat last night actually was the fourth highest rated show of the night. He's on the air quite a bit these days. I wish he would have worked this hard to promote himself for an Emmy. Oh, boy. I hope it's back. We'll see. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Eject. Eject. Les. Eject. And so Les Moonves is basically saying CBS is just fine without Charlie Sheen right now, in the short term, at least. Well, I don't know if I would paraphrase it like that. How do you take that? I mean, it was a very intelligent spin. I mean, he's a brilliant businessman. Look where he is. Look who he got. Oh, again.
This is... I am so sad by this. The lawyer is like, no, no, no, no, no, no. We scripted this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going off script. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Charlie, he didn't mean that. Go back to mellow Charlie. Charlie didn't mean that. Exactly. Charlie didn't mean that. No, I meant it. You have to be nominated first to go out and launch the campaign. Yeah, he's great. This guy's going to win an Emmy. This interviewer is going to win something. Let me ask you this, Charlie. Yeah. How... How angry are you, Brooke Mueller? Angry. I'm going to cut her hat off. Send it to her parents. All right. Let me ask you another question that will not get you rolled up. What? Let me ask you another question. Winning. How much cocaine have you done? I don't do cocaine. I'm on a drug called Charlie Jean. I'm on a drug. It's called Charlie Jean. And you couldn't handle it. Okay? Your little Mexican head would explode. You're telling me. Your kid, Ryan, would be standing over you. And his father would have exploded because he was on Charlie Sheen. So you're saying that the drug Charlie Sheen is so powerful. Yeah, obviously. That I would be terminated? In two seconds. I mean, my God. I mean, you couldn't even handle it. With extreme prejudice. Yeah, absolutely. So just a little detail. I thought the joke was funny, though. It was a good joke. It was in good spirits.
But nothing has changed on this end, and I thought getting the crew paid for four was a step in the right direction. They're halfway there. Warner Brothers has agreed to pay the crew for four episodes. You want to pay it for all eight, though? Well, yeah, that's the only way that it'll be completed. And then the rest of my cast, and then myself, in that order. And until that happens, there's really nothing to talk about. Then we can open up a dialogue for the future of season nine and the rest of it, you know? You think John Cryer gets any texts? From buddies or like? From friends. Dude. Dude. He likes this all the time? Yeah. The texts just say, dude! Dude! Exclamation point. Exclamation question mark. Exclamation question mark. Dude! He has copied and John Cryer has copied and pasted the words, I know. Or IDK. I don't know. I don't know. IDK. IDK. I don't know. IDK dot, dot, dot. Yeah, he just sends that back to everybody. Sad face. I don't know. Sad face. He hired a 17-year-old Loetian kid to just come over to the house and hit send every time somebody texts him. Dude, his mom just texted him. Dude, dude. And the Loetian kid's like, this one's from your mom.
And he goes, just send it to him. Same bit. Same bit. Send it. It's your mom. Send it. Send it. Are you ready to go back to work today? I mean, it's obviously going to be a tense set. You have Chuck Lorre, who you've had this war of Wordsworth over the radio and on television. Can you work with him again? I mean, he is the co-creator. He is the executive producer. I mean, at this point in the game, I can't even get a phone call in return. I can't even get a phone call. I wonder why. I wonder why they're not returning your phone calls. I wonder why. I wonder why Chuck Lorre is not calling you back and texting you back. They're listening to their lawyers. I left a message yesterday and I said, hey, you stupid piece of ass. Call me back right now. And if you don't, I'm going to go over there and boil your face into a cup of coffee. And he didn't have the audacity to even call me back. He's an idiot. In a live open forum. You want Chuck to call you? Well, yeah, just something, anything. Even if he just calls and hangs up really quick. Why don't you call him? Even if he just calls and hangs up really quick. So I feel sorry for him. I do too. How can you not? You have to, right? I don't want Charlie Sheen to die. I don't either. I will never watch Major League the same again. I never will. And I love that movie. Every time I watch it, I'll be like, you're bat-ass crazy, dude. I deleted his number from my phone.
Oh, boy. Why? I'm 17. Because I'm 17. Why? Because I'm 17 years old. I think it's a good call. And that's what you do. That's what you do. Yeah, he probably would keep calling. He knew he would be tempted. I defriended him. I blocked him immediately. I unfollowed him on Twitter. Unfollowed him. By the way, Chuck, who makes up a fake name for showbiz anyway? Right. Just to stick with a God-given name like Estevez or something. Yeah. What kind of creep changes their name? Yeah. Haim or whatever the hell your name is. Signed. Charlie Jane. I don't know. I've issued my questions through you. I was very even and direct and in no uncertain terms. I've requested some interaction in other live forums. Rhymes with CNN. It says that Charlie Sheen humor. It's very witty. He's like, thank God I'm making. $3,000 an hour. Thank God. In his mind, he's just going, three grand, three grand, three grand, three grand, three grand, three grand. Yeah, thank God he's not working on contingency. Yeah, seriously. Charlie, just a suggestion. I know you've got Good Morning America, The View, and Wendy Williams lined up for the other day. Yeah, that's right. I don't want you to take this the wrong way. Don't do the humor anymore. Why not? Well, do what I want to. I'm Charlie Sheen.
I mean, nobody's funnier than me. Richard Breyer just called me and said, you're the funniest MFR I've ever met. Dead 10 years, Charlie. He did? Longer than that. I smoked a rock with him once. Twice. Five times. Seven times. Neither here nor there. Twelve times. Okay. You know, I've made it very clear where I stand and why I stand here. And it's just starting to feel like they're just hiding based on nothing. And I'm not trying to insult anybody. But I'm just as confused as everybody here and all of my beautiful and perfect fans. Great. Charlie Sheen, Mark Gross, thank you so much for joining us. And actually, Charlie, Meredith Vieira back in New York actually has a quick question for you. Yeah, go for it. Go for it, Meredith. Yeah, hey, Jeff, Charlie, thank you very much. Is this the million-dollar question? Get it? She used to be on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Millionaire. Oh, wow. That's quick.
Maybe you can give me that final answer I'm looking for. Charlie, I want to go back to your kids, obviously. You're very upset about your boys. Any message you want to deliver to them? Aren't they like two? Yeah, she's stirring the pot. They're almost two. 23 months. Any message you want to send to them? Yeah, how about this? No, they understand. If he says, Daddy loves you, I'm so sorry. Hey, Max, you're Max Sheen. And Bob, you're Bob Sheen. Okay. Don't ever forget it. You're coming home today. We're going to the park. This is the only thing I care about. They don't understand. They do. She must be a mother. Meredith. I would say the same thing if I were her. And not her ratings. If they're sitting watching their dad on TV, if he acknowledges them and says, Daddy loves you, they understand. It's going to be okay. They better not be watching their dad. Well, if the mom was, they said earlier, then the kids might be there. Maybe give them to me and Jamie. We'll take them. So cute. It's Dada. I will see you very soon. You're right here.
Thank you so much for joining us this morning. Mark Gross. Thank you, Meredith. Thank you. And very quickly to Mark, do you plan to go to court today to get this undone, this restraining order? We will not be in court today. Why not go to court today? Because unlike Brooks' attorneys, anything we do will be with notice. And so the earliest we could therefore be in court would be tomorrow. We're going to weigh our options, whether it be tomorrow, Friday, or sometime else soon, we'll be there. Without tipping your hand fully, what would be your message to the judge about why these children should be returned to Charlie? And how long were you supposed to have them on this visitation? Until Thursday at what time? Thursday at 10. Not visitation, his custody time would have ended today at 10. The message essentially would be there isn't even an allegation that Charlie has... a danger to the children, harm the children, or threaten the children, which is why I'm so surprised by the issuance of this order. Okay, thank you very much. All right, Jeff, thank you so much. And again, our thanks to Charlie Sheen and Mark Gross as well. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. This is what I meant to do. There we go. That song called Surrender, Cheap Track. Anniversary bash. It's Cheap Track. Charlie, if you sang it... Is that something funny?
No. Steve Trang. Have you ever written a song? Yeah. When you write a song, at the bottom of the page, what do you sign? Charlie Sheen. Written by... Charlie Sheen. You're saying your name is... Charlie Sheen. We will, in fact, play buzzword when we come back. Yeah. We'll be hearing this song live next hour. Rihanna Downey is having a CD release party tonight at the Belly Up. Belly Up. And... And she will be coming in the studio. And she's a local musician. I really like her. Should I ask her if she'll let me jam with her? That'd be great. And my boyfriend, Matt Commerce, his sister Jasmine Commerce, is going to be opening for her. That's rad. That's rad. Yeah, it is a small world. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, last fall at Rutgers University, pretty crazy story if you haven't heard about it. A gay student actually committed suicide, which has caused Rutgers University to...
Try something new. They're going to be implementing a gender-neutral housing. 20 to 30 students are going to participate in this pilot program, which, yes, means guys and girls would be living together in a dorm-type environment. It's insane. Yes. Now, it's only for sophomores, juniors, and seniors, but you have to apply to live in this gender-neutral room. Where do I apply? People are just losing their minds that this would happen. But it's because of the suicide. Times have changed. I don't understand how that would help. I know you do, Jay. I never went to college. Why not? Not so much class, just for the accommodations. What about your four kids and your wife, Jay? They want me to learn. Yeah. I can only be a better father. Sweaty socks. I wonder if the shower's co-ed. Wear your flip-flops. Do you need a robe? I have warm arms. Tell your mom about me.
Also, um... By the way... I was thinking, bring your mom. Oh, wow. So brilliant. There's a new White House report out, and who do you think makes more money, men or women? Men. This is a trick question. Good Lord. It's a trick question. Like, I'm like, men? And she's like, no, you sexist! It actually turns out women did! I know. Like, he just blinched his upper lip as if he was going to talk to me. I was like, stop. No, no, no. Plead the fifth. Men still make more money than women. However. Darn right. Because we're smarter. However. Oh, gosh. Woods. Oh, glass ceiling. Women. There's more women that are going to college and have college degrees. Oh, yes. Women still make about 75% as much as their partner. Not quite there yet. Not quite. Not on average. We will be. A lot of us are able to stay at home and send little minions out to do the work.
Yep. Wow. I just got flinch-eye. Flinch-eye. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, the profits are in from San Diego State's poinsettia bowl. Man, they raked it in. Did they? 11 grand. Oh, my gosh. That's what they made on the total after ticket sales, paying the highway patrol for the escort and all that. Not the escort. Their police escort. They were not hiring escorts. And other expenses? Cleared 11 grand. Wow. Yeah, that's worth it. Yeah. Also, their... Oh, wow. That's hot. Also, there are wedding bells in the future for a certain NFL quarterback. His name is Ben Roethlisberger. There's a website that published his Save the Dates. And her name is Ashley Harlan. And I bet her dad is super stoked. Yeah. His son-in-law is going to be an NFL quarterback. He gets box seats to every game. I'm sure he's just fine. I don't care if you like him or not. Marry that boy. Marry him.
All right, just marry him now. I imagine she had to go home and be like, so I'm dating someone new. What's his name? You may have heard of him. Ben Roethlisberger? Roethlisberger? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He just lost his mind. Excuse me? I thought you just said Ben Roethlisberger. You couldn't have said that. That would be ridiculous. Yes! M1 Booch from Dana Point. Are you there? Yeah, go ahead. Who are you going to have represent you in buzzword? Woods. All right. M1 Chris from Chula Vista. Who do you want to represent you? I got Lauren. Yeah. It's a good choice. She's good at this game. Sometimes. M1 Jake is on the 15 North. Who do you want? Sienna. You got it. I love you. And M1 Servant Warrior from La Mesa. You're stuck with me, pal. Yay for short, Mexican. Thank you. Yay. Isolate. Isolate. Isolate. Yay for short Mexicans. Say it one more time. Do you want him to say it again? Just say it one more time. Wait a minute. Say it again. Yay for short Mexicans. Better isolated clip right there. Lauren loves Mikey. Oh, I do. Who does it, my friend? All right. So the way that buzzword works is that Jay's going to give us the buzzword, and then he is going to give us the clue.
The buzzword will be within the clue. We have to yell it out if we know what it is. We've got to yell it out. Today's buzzword is dumb. D-U-M-B. Wait. Bum or dumb? Dumb. D-U-M-B. I guess there's no B at the end of bum. No. Not today. Okay. A weight lifter's... Dumbbell! Nice, Mike. He's on one. I gotta focus. Come on. What? Oh, God, you guys aren't standing. All right. Okay, here we go. Stupid Jim Carrey. Dummy Dumber! Oh, my God. You guys saw the answers. I did it! To baffle. Dumbfounded! Lauren? Don't. Dumbfounded. Dumbfounded, same thing. Same thing. Is it? I'm giving it to you. Test tense. A food elevator. A dumbwaiter! Dumb! Wow. We all have one. Air hump. It's more of an air thrust. Yes. Disturbing. It is very disturbing. Shocked and speechless. Dumbfounded. Please. Dumbfounded. Sienna. I'm still looking for it. What was it? What was your Sienna? I said dumbfounded. No. Say it again. Say it again. Shocked and speechless. Dumbstruck. Thank you, Mikey. What? That's a word? I've never heard of that. You've been dumbstruck. You've been dumbstruck. We all have one. Mikey has two.
A fair-haired airhead. Dumbass! Dumbborn! Lauren. Dumbass. That was a good one. Sorry. What? And you screwed her in. Can I isolate that? No! 100. Wow. Pretend ignorance. I'm dumb! Play dumb! That's right. Jay points, which no one can hear. Play dumb. As if to say, what's the difference? Mikey got it. Mikey got it. Jay pointed at me, but he couldn't remember my name. Marky. Marky, you did good. Mitch. I'm going to Mike have two. I have one. Unexplainable good fortune. Double luck. Wow. Waiting for that one. She had it in her head. Dang it. Man, oh man. Disney's Flying Elephant. Dumbo! Lauren. Oh, she's coming back. I hate this game though. What score? Lauren, four. Mikey and Woods, two. He's got a one. We've only got one more, and it's a three-pointer. Oh, boy. Yeah, let's do this. Actually, let's make it a four-pointer so we have a clear one. Yeah! Here we go. A lollipop. Dumpstick! Lauren. Damn it! A dumpstick. A dumpstick. A dumpstick. Dumpstick. Lauren O'Brien.
What was that? A dum-dum. A lollipop. Dum-dum. They're disgusting. They're delicious. Get them at the bank. Get them at the bank. They're called dum-dums? They're really small. If you send in a bunch of rappers, you can get a t-shirt. Really? Yeah. M1 Chris from Chula Vista. Only you or Jay would know that. L-O-B has won for you, man. Jasper, get out of my dumb, dumb rapper collection. I want the t-shirt. I'm getting the shirt. I'm too late. But you know it's going to take me a year to save up. Like a 47 rapper. 14 more cents I'll be able to get that t-shirt. So about a year. All right, Chris, hang on the line, okay? I'm telling you, Lauren has this freakish ability. I know. Not always. Not always. Sometimes I'm a big dum-dum. Not when it comes to buzzword, man. You're good at buzzword. All right. Let's see. Oh, boy. That was fun. All right. Let her in. Oh, my God. Yes, please. Ready for a tornado? She's pacing back there. You ready for a tornado? Yeah. Open the door. Oh, my goodness. You look so angry. Yeah. I look angry because I am angry. Are you got a cold or something? You're so...
Looks like your eyes are red. I was crying. Yeah. Why are you crying? This is a whole day you pushed me back. And late on the second day. Listen, we had to push you back. There was a lot of things happening in the news and whatnot, and we had to push you back. Chuck Sheen. No, it isn't Chuck Sheen. Whatever. Charlie Sheen. Okay. Eskimo Blue Waters. Charlie Sheen. Eskimo Blue Waters is a local entertainer. Entertainer. She's a musician. She does ventriloquism. She's a magician. I wrote a blog. You wrote a blog, right? I'm a tweeter. Yeah, you're a tweeter. I'm a Facebooker. Right. You want to give any of those out? Do you remember any of them? Yeah, yeah. www.eskimobluewaters.com. That's a real website. Yes, real website. Twitter.com slash official EBW. Right. I'm also in a contest for the belly up. Did your dad just have contacts to get you into places? No. So wait a minute. You're telling me. Yes. That you could end up playing at the belly up. That's correct. How? I know one of the...
custodial guys there. You just know custodial guys. How many custodial boyfriends do you have? It's the easiest way in. You go after the custodians. Yeah, I get there when it's dark. Do you speak Spanish? Un poquito. Enough to get by. Okay, got it. That means more than you, Mike. Not Skate 2. Shoe fits. The tiny little shoe fits. All right. So Eskimo Blue Waters. So you're here because your record is... Yeah, well, that. Oh, can I have people go vote for me? Yeah, how do they do that? Oh, they go to Facebook.com slash Belly Up Tavern. There's a little link that says Facebook Party. You have to like me. Click the like button. And if I have the most likes, I will have a gig at the Belly Up. You realize you're going to have a gig at the Belly Up because people are going to do this. Well, some numbskull over there deleted everything. I wasn't the lead, but somebody screwed it up. So all of my likes got erased. Wow. Facebook.com slash Belly Up Tavern. Slash Belly Up Tavern. Do you happen to work at the Belly Up mic?
No, I don't. Could you have any hand in erasing all of my likes? No, I didn't erase your likes. Okay. I feel like someone's trying to bring me down. No. Don't worry. You can take care of that yourself. A lot of fans. So if you go to Facebook.com slash Belly of Tavern, then what do you call it? There's a little... tab that says Facebook Party 2011. It's on the left-hand side. You click there, and then you like Eskimo Blue. Yeah, you'll see a bunch of other clown artists, and then you'll see my picture, unmistakable, and you have to click like. And if I have the most likes, I will have a gig. You know, I wouldn't necessarily call all the other people clowns. I mean, they're actual musicians. Well, here's my question for you, Eskimo. I mean, if they get beaten out by you. Yes. Do you think they'll be irritated? You know, it's not always about who's the best artist. Sometimes it's about who's the best promoter. There you go. That's true. That is true, Eskimo. So if you can't get your butt out there and get on a radio station and do everything else I've done in this community, then it's your fault. You're really something else. Yeah, thank you. So are we going to play your song? Yes. Original. Yes. I'm hoping that I can have the week off.
Because of everything that's been going on. Week off of what? Week off of what? Of work. I'm here. You don't work here. You don't work here. You don't have that to meet for a day off. Cameo. I'm considered an entertainer on call. No, you're not considered an entertainer on call. I talked to Garrett about it. Garrett's our program director. You never talked to him. Yeah, I did. He's okay with it. He doesn't care if I take the week off. She doesn't work here. Nobody cares if you take the week off. Well, I'm on call. I think 135 Twitter followers were begged to differ. So you're on Twitter.com slash official EBW. Official EBW. She verified it herself. Yes. Right. Self-verified. And you have 135 followers. That's right. All right. I'm one of them. I know that. I am too. She's got problems with mascara. Yeah, no, I think a feather from my earring fell in my eyes and started stabbing me. She has Dreamcatcher earrings, you know. Every day. Cowboy hat. Do you want to play?
It's a single. Original song. Yeah, it's just a snippet of it, kind of like what Britney Spears did. Right. I like her style. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's a new single of my new album. Okay. Untitled. And the song is called Beer Pong. Beer Pong. Yes. Okay. That's eerily familiar. Yeah. It's pretty, right? Is Beer Pong Dear John? Dear John. It's not a Taylor Swift song. Beer Pong. Beer Pong. Dear John. Beer Pong. Dear John. I don't know what you're saying. Taylor Swift. Beer Pong, yeah. We play it all the time. It's when you toss that white ball across the room. Oh, wow. Oh, my gosh. Yep. Oh, my gosh. Drinking clear cup. Oh, my gosh. My boss. You're a clown. Oh, my gosh. Places of pigs die. Go rack, it's your turn. I love playing this game. You change the rules.
You're a clown. It doesn't even sound like your voice. No, it's like a little girl. She wears t-shirts and sneakers. I took some vocal lessons. I have obviously a very hard voice. Raspy. From smoking cigarettes, which you don't anymore because you went to smoking cigarettes rehab. You still on the Copenhagen? No, no, no, it's just a patch. What's this do for you? Oh, gosh. But, yeah, I have a vocal coach, formerly a professor at Juilliard. Did your dad hire or pay for it? No, he saw one of my gigs outside of the post office and said, I'd like to give you a little extra edge. You ripped off...
Taylor Swift song. No. It was just called Dear John and that's called Beer Pong. And I'm hoping, my hope is that young co-eds all over PB will be singing that song. You are a clown because they will. She's heard this song off too. She did. Yeah. Would you call it your version of this? It was no bluffing face, I believe. Bluffing face. Which you guys can excuse me. It's true. You guys know. Thank you, EB Dubs. Great job. Enjoy your week off. You guys know who B.J. Novak is? Office. Hottest guy in the office. Definitely. Michael really likes it. Michael loves it. He calls him the sexiest guy in the office. He wanted Dundee for best looking. That's right. Well, anyway, he went on Letterman, told the craziest story about meeting Michael Jackson when he was 12 years old. Listen, Michael did something so weird that Michael Jackson would call and be like, That's weird. That's really weird. It's one of the weirdest stories, and it's real. And we'll play it for you next. Woodsy was just playing that, Taylor. Is that not the sweetest sounding guitar on the planet? When I play it, I feel like a better guitar player. It sounds like I'm better. Did you borrow that from ABW? I did not.
EBW does not have a Taylor. She wrote it herself, I think, in permanent marker. Puffy Pete. On her guitar, she wrote Taylor. Yeah. She plays a Baylor. Yeah. A trailer. Taylor came in here, brought that gorgeous guitar that Woodsy played. Hit that. I'll hit it. And I'll play it. Hit that. Give me what I want. Over here. Give me what I want. I was playing a song. that I used to play for my wife all the time when we first met. Why are you grunting? Am I grunting? I'm fat, dude. I lose my breath when I walk across the room. You're staring. You're staring. I was mesmerized. Oh my God, that was insane. I know. Like a cheeseburger. His eyes. His eyes. Oh my God. I looked up at you like, oh. Shot to the heart.
It's like he's hypnotized. A burguesa, that'd be fair to Mikey. I wonder if I could... Con queso. Jeez. Let me see if I can sing an Alice in Chains song to that melody. To that melody? Yes. You're just sitting in your room in a radio station like it's... Like it's your own. Like it's your own private radio station. Apparently. Apparently we do. Apparently we do. That was fun. Thank you, Woodsy. You're really good, Woods. She's such a good guitar player. I'm really not that good. I know. I'm really not that good of a guitar player. You are. I'm really not. Well, you are for 90% of the people. For being like a fat guy. Is that what you're saying? No, 90% of the people. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, The The. Gary. The The. Gary. Is it The The? Yeah. Apparently so. It's great. I just copy and paste what he sends me. Yeah.
Garret, Garret, Garret, Garret, Garret, Garret, Garret. Calm down, Garret. They're fantastic. They're an old band, though. Yeah, they're old. I liked them when they was just first coming out in 1871. They were just called The. Actually, it was The. They were like an 80s band. The album is called Dusk. It's tonight. The The Dusk. The The. Can't wait, Garrett. Dusk! You know, guys, it's wearing thin. It's been a friggin' year, all right? I'll kill you. How many times with a Garrett voice? It will go on until the end of time. Forever. Trust me. Forever. Listen to this Michael Jackson story as told by B.J. Novak from The Office.
Were there any that as a kid it was a big deal that your dad was running? There was one night where we were told I was 12 years old. It was 1991. And we were told that a man my father was working with was invited to a dinner at Deepak Chopra's house in western Massachusetts. And we were told that Michael Jackson was going to be at the dinner. Wow. And so we showed up to this home in Lincoln, Massachusetts in eighth grade. And we're kind of waiting around at the cocktail hour where kids have nothing to do. But hope Michael Jackson shows up. And after about 45 minutes, a man just runs in in a red military uniform and a black top hat and mirrored sunglasses and sits behind a book on the Beatles, like a spy in an old timey movie. And I thought, well, this has to be a Michael Jackson impersonator. Because this isn't what Michael Jackson would ever wear on his day off. Sure, no. In his civilian clothes. You've got to wear jeans and, you know, a polo shirt like my dad. But we sat down at dinner and I was seated next to him. And there was no conversation for like two minutes straight. Everyone was just too shy. And then finally he says to me, so do you like music? And I said, yeah. And I couldn't make this up.
He pulls out of his jacket pocket, rather than just say, I'm Michael Jackson, he pulls out of his coat pocket three CDs. They are Aerosmith's album, Pump, the Beatles' album, Let It Be, and the Crisscross album. And we were like, yeah, sure, we're impressed. We were impressed already. What did he do with the CDs? He just showed them. Oh, he didn't give them to the... No. He just carries them around? What the hell? Now that's strange. He was just showing off how much he was into music. How crazy is that? Hey, BJ. Beat it. Do you like French kissing? Yeah. Who doesn't? I do. How about butterfly kisses? Do you like Eskimo kisses? Do you like animals? Yeah. I have in my pocket right now a zebra, a horse.
And a hippopotamus. Is that what that is? Why don't you reach in there? Have you ever seen a grown man naked? I think my dad wants in the locker room. Can you just pass the butter? I'll pass the butter all right. Pass the butter. Pass the butter. Can I ask you a question? Have you ever been to a Laker game? No. I live in Massachusetts. Me either. Okay. Can I ask you another question? Okay. It's not really a question. It's more of a statement. I know Webster. I don't know who that is. He's a friend. He's an actor. Can I ask you a question? He's about one foot tall. Okay. He's a friend. He's 74 years old. Can I ask you a question? Okay. I wear a size five and a half shoe. Is that your question? Yeah.
Okay. I'm from Gary, Indiana. Can I tell you something? Okay. What's your name? BJ. Can I ask you a question? Sure. Red's my favorite color. I thought maybe with the outfit you had on. Can I tell you something? Okay. Do you like Captain Crunch? I like tricks. Have you got your first chest hair yet? Me neither. Can I see? Hey, BJ. Can I tell you a secret? Yeah. What time is it? I don't know. My dad has a watch. BJ? Yeah? Do you see the stain on the back of that chair next to you? That's from Jermaine's Afro Juice. It's his actual Afro Juice. Okay. So, don't put your fork in it. Because it ain't done. It ain't done yet. Okay. I've bottled Jermaine's Afro Juice.
and taking it with me to Holland. And I bless people with it because they're all white in Holland. I'm going to sit over here. And in Holland, Afro juice from Jermaine is like pure gold. That's right. It sells for $400,000 an ounce. Luckily, he produces eight gallons of it a year. Luckily. That's how I got all this money. Most people think it's thriller money. It's not. It's Jermaine Afrojuice money. Did you take money from your brother? No, I took Afrojuice from my brother. Oh. And I sold it to white Hollenicians. You can't just make the example, Michael. I ain't. They'd die for it over there, man. Some people call them the Dutch. Yeah, the Dutch. Some people. Everyone. Or Netherlanders. Yeah, Netherlander heads. I have a ranch called Netherland. That's right. One time at Netherland Ranch, I was in my laboratory and I was distilling Jermaine juice. I only had five gallons and I was like, man, I thought I had another gallon. And I got to take a trip to Holland next week. I got to milk his fro before I go. So while Jermaine was sleeping.
I snuck into his room and milked his little afro nipples. Feeling disgusting. I can't get this picture out of my head. No, no, no. You don't understand. It ain't like you think. Well, what's it like? It's like little nipples on an afro. That doesn't exist, Michael. You can't just make things up. Hey, BJ. Yeah? Do you like corn? BJ Novak. BJ Novak. Do you like corn? Yeah, it's okay, I guess. Okay. Can I ask you a question? Okay. It's hot in here. I'm not hot. Maybe you should take that wool suit off. Can I tell you something? Yeah. You ever been on a cruise? No. Why is that funny? It's creepy. It's so creepy. Do the Michael Jackson sneeze. Oh, yeah. It went away. Oh, God. I woke up last night. I had hogged every bit of cover. Are you a hogger? Everything. I hog covers. I hog everything. Your cover hog? My husband would say so. I would say no. Give her.
You're a cover giver. I kick the covers off because I don't want them. You don't? Mm-mm. I like it cold. Weird. You sleep better when it's cold. I do. Rebecca sleeps on top of the blankets. Really? Oh, wow. I get a little bit scared if I don't have something covering me. Yeah. I do. Something's going to grab me. Yeah, I have a toe that'll peek out for some ventilation. A toe. I hog everything in my home. Everything. The remote. Oh, every guy hogs a remote. We have a battle going on at our house. For? We only have the one DVR. So my daughter, who thinks she runs the house, if she's in there watching a show, I only get... periods of time where I can watch TV. I'll come in and she'll be in one of her million shows and she's like, I just want to finish this. It's an hour to finish it. You can watch it any time. I kind of go through the same thing with Rebecca. She's a DVR hog. I'd say you both are. No, no. Listen, LLB. Andrew Zimmer. Andrew Zimmer. That's it. Man versus food. Man versus anything. Don't do man versus food anymore. Man versus anything. Don't do, I do. I survived.
That's it. I DVR two shows. Mexican Daily? Yes, Woods. I DVR... Cinco de Mayo Prades. Mexican Daily. Cinco de Mayo. I DVR a show called Cinco de Mayo Prades. Mariachi, the backstory. Selena, like four times. Babe, you've already DVR'd Selena four times. Cheech and Chong. Speedy Gonzalez. Chico and the Man. Edward James Olmos. Some show he did. Stand and Deliver. Documentaries about zoot suits. Morrissey. Border Patrol. Morrissey biography. The Little Rider and You. Anyway. Anywho. Andrew Zimmern, Bizarre Foods, and Man vs. Wild. That's it. Well, it got you off the Man vs. Food. First of all, verse is not a word. Versus. You can say verse. You just cut it in half. It's ridiculous. It is ridiculous. I like it. It's verse, BS. It's verses. Versus. It can be. Can we please ban verse? I can't because that's what I say.
I know. I say it. I don't do it on purpose. Man versus food. Yeah. I've always said it. Don't DVR that anymore. I'm over Adam Richman, the guy that started it. Oh, I thought he was Andrew Zimmerman. Yeah, I'm Andrew Zimmerman. What's his name? He's a J. You can't use my voice when Lauren messes up. What's his name? Lauren needs a voice. Yeah, I don't know. What's his name? What's his name? Andrew Zimmern. Zimmern? What's that different than Zimmerman? What is that? What is up with that? Like, how dare that be? He's a jerk. When you say it, it sounds like Zimmerman. I don't watch it. It's Andrew Zimmern. Oh, boy. So sorry. You're doing the J bit. So two shows, Man vs. Food and Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern. And my wife has the following.
Risky Housewives of the American West. Risky. Slutty Housewives of New Jersey. Yeah. The Horish Housewives of Orange County. The Weirdo Housewives. Desperate Housewives. Desperate Housewives. Grey's Anatomy. Grey's Anatomy. Bachelor. I Want to Dance with Something. Bachelor. American Idol. American Idol. Bachelor. Which you watched last night. Watched it with her. Got completely involved in it in 10 minutes. Well, now you know why she is involved. It's addicting. What else? She tapes all those shows, man. Some of them, I just, I don't want to hear it. Biggest Loser, is that on there? Biggest Loser's on there. Oh, yeah. A lot of those shows, when they're on, it, like, bothers me to hear it. Me too. Just to hear it. Me too. I'm not watching it. I just hear it, and I get annoyed. You can hear the testimonial music behind somebody being like, we went over there, and I thought everything was going to be fine, but then she took her weave out, and... Yeah. Yeah, it's like... I just wanted to... I thought that Brad was so different, and I just... I was just on this journey, and I was on this journey for the same reasons I thought he was, because of love. And when he saw...
Melissa. And he walked over to her. I can't tell. I can't tell that he was ugly. I broke her heart. And, you know, for that, I'm sorry. But I had to pick up the pieces. I had to move on. I told my dad about him. Yeah, she told her dad and her uncle and her brothers. My brother wants to cut his... Things off. Oh, my God. Told her cousins, and I think she's a little bit psycho. He said to me in the car, I think, but it's already cool. That B is crazy. And then he said, he said he called his friend, and he said that B is crazy. I called my friend, and I told her she's crazier than S-House Rat. S-House Rat is. Woods. Yeah. Who's Christina Perry? You know that song. She was the waitress whose song ended up on So You Think You Can Dance. Yep. It was a big hit. Is it Jar of Hearts? Yeah. And I like this sound. I do too. I do see a camera panning through a dark, dimly lit hospital waiting room on Grey's Anatomy. Yeah.
As one gay guy is told that his gay guy... His partner. His partner. Buddy. Is probably going to make it, but he's going to walk with a limp. More than likely. And the one guy... This anatomy is much more serious than this, Mike. Is it? Yes! I cry every time. Yeah, because they emotionally jihad you. They emotionally jihad you. I love it. I'm addicted. Mr. Esparza? Yes. I wanted to tell you that your partner may make it, but your litter of puppies is dead. No! They're dead. They died. This cannot be. Yeah, Mr. Esparza. They have died, and for that I'm sorry. You're telling me that Roberto made it, but... Yeah. Well, he may make it. I'm not really positively sure, but I can tell you with definitive answer that your puppies are dead. What happened to the pup? They died. I mean, he fell off a window washing unit with a box of puppies. Why does he have our box of puppies? I don't know. Why else would we have puppies killed but to make you cry? I'm sorry, but he may make it, he may not, but your puppies are dead.
Poppies! Did you say poppy or puppy? Welcome back. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, today is the 14th parole hearing for Sirhan Sirhan, who was the man convicted of slaying Robert Kennedy. In 1968. And now this is the first time in at least nine years that he's going to be appearing before the California parole board. And this time he has two psychologists supporting him saying that he's no longer a threat to society. So he may be released. Wow. Yeah, big news. Also, 45 people were arrested in San Diego in a nationwide gang crackdown. It was called Project Southern Tempest. And they were, you know, crimes ranging from drug and parole violations to vehicle theft.
Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, he's 77 yards short of 10,000 total rushing yards, and he has been cut from the Washington Redskins. Clinton Portis will no longer be the running back for the Redskins. He was 648 yards shy of being the all-time rusher for the Redskins behind John Riggins. So he is out of a job, but I'm sure he will find one soon. And the Ohio State Buckeyes have reclaimed the number one spot in college basketball. It's March, man. March Madness is coming up, dude. We're about to start seeding all the conferences, conference championships. It's going to be rad. We'll have to do our brackets again. I love it. So Jay can win. Let's hear it for Rihanna Downey. I love it. Rihanna is going to be performing tonight at the Belly Up, right? Right. And let me make sure I got the right mic on. There you go. Okay. There we go. We good? We're good. So, Rihanna, I met Rihanna. Two years ago, I think. Yep. And I was doing a benefit at Lestats. And she played. And I remember you played with another local musician named Caleb Jude Green. Oh, yeah, Caleb. He's good, too. He's great. And you performed on your own. Then you two did a song together. And I remember thinking, wow, she sounds like a recording artist that should be on the radio. That is so sweet of you.
And I took my cell phone out and I started taping it. And then I showed it to my wife and I was like, you got to hear this girl. And I remember at the time saying, hey, are you going to like make a record? And you said, yeah, yeah, I'm making a record. Took a while and it's finally going to be released. You finally have this record. Yeah, finally. Is it out now? Could people buy it now? They can. And right now we're actually trying to get people to go to the website, riannadowney.com. And then we'll be on iTunes in like two weeks, but we're releasing it on the website first. And then, of course, tonight they can come to the Belly Up and get their copy of the record. But yeah, we're super excited. It's been three years of making this record. I'm going to have you on this mic. Let's do this mic instead, because I think that mic will sound. There we go. Way, way, way better. Okay. And so the record is called? Pull the Moon. Pull the Moon. Right. And she sent me a copy of it. And I listened to the whole thing from beginning to end. And it's so, so good. And her voice is, I put it in my blog. Awesome. I said, her voice sounds.
Like great perfume smells. Oh, man. That's nice. That's like the best compliment I've had. I can't tell you how long. It's the truth. No one's ever told me that. Velvet feels. Yeah. Velvet feels. That's great. It's a good one, too. And this is kind of cool. So at the CD release tonight at the Belly Up, Lauren's BFMC, her boyfriend, Matt Commerce. His sister's a musician, and she's going to be opening for Rihanna. Yeah, Jasmine Commerce. Yeah, I was like, wow, small world. Totally small. Jasmine's awesome. Yes. I'm so excited for her opening for me. That's cool. She's got a beautiful voice, and you guys will compliment each other well. Yeah. That's awesome. Okay, so you're going to do the first song off the record, which I can't get out of my head. I constantly have this song in my head. It's the one that everybody requests. Yeah, it's good. It's called Raise My Hands. Raise My Hands. And now let me just have you test it because we're going to try this right now with all of the mics and we're going to try to mix this and hopefully it sounds good. All right. Are we good? Can we hear everything? I think so. Yeah, yeah. Sounds good. Let's try it. Here we go. Well, I lose my plan. I let go again. I know there is no way apart from here.
That sounded great. Thank you. That sounded really great. It's so fun to hear a record and then have it performed in front of you. It's really cool. So, Rihanna Downey, who will be a star. is going to be performing tonight at the Belly Up. And you're going to be a big star. I am so glad that you guys are behind me on that. Of course. Go San Diego, hometown. Come out, support. That's right. So tonight, what time? So doors open at 7. The show starts at 8 o'clock. That's cool. And people can get the record where? You can go to RihannaDowney.com. Okay.
And eventually it will be on iTunes in two weeks. But right now we're doing it through RihannaDowney.com or they can come to the shows. And, of course, you can get to know where the shows are by joining the mailing list on RihannaDowney.com. Cool. Can you spell your name? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was thinking about that. It is kind of complicated. It's R-H-E-A-N-N-A-D-O-W-N-E-Y.com. Yeah. Phenomenal guitar player and just an incredible voice. Yeah, from the minute I saw you at Lestat, I was like, man, she's good. So hopefully everybody goes out and shows their support tonight. Thank you, Rihanna, for coming in. Thank you. Thanks for having us on. Appreciate it. We'll be back. And when we come back, there's a report that says that Facebook friends are causing stress and anxiety. And I'll explain. I have nothing here to sell you. Just some things that I will... Just a second, we're going to tell you about this report that came out that says that Facebook friends cause stress and anxiety. You know, I think that Facebook friends can cause stress and anxiety, but that's... Well, we'll talk about it. Blame Facebook for everything. I will.
M1 Michael from Encinitas. Hi, Mikey. Hi. Hi. I just wanted to say thank you with you. It is a thank you aspect. Nothing more than that. It's because your sobriety and your testimony has given me the strength and challenge to become a sober person and to have the strength to go to rehab and get help. And I just wanted to say thank you to you. Oh, dude. Thank you. And congratulations. That's a great move, bro. It's a hard road ahead, but the motivation outside of your words of confidence when you do your thing on Fridays inspired me due to I have a baby girl on the way and the party gets over with. There you go, bro. It's a good move and it's going to be good for your kid. Thank you for telling us that, bro. I just want you to keep it up because you guys are seriously bigger than hell. Thank you, bro. Thank you, dude. God bless you, bro. God bless you.
what you do and just keep up the good work because what you are is a man of God and I appreciate you. Thank you. I appreciate it. Very nice. Alright, Facebook friends causing stress and anxiety how? Oh, God. We were right. I know yesterday we had a big debate about it. We had a giant debate about it. Facebook was actually in here. Maybe we can get them on the phone or something. I'm just going to ask, you know, Mike, how many times on average do you go on Facebook? What do you mean? A day. Why am I defensive? I don't know. What? Why am I so defensive? I'm just asking you a question. What? What, are you on a school paper? What, are you writing an article? What's your deal? Why are you screaming? Why are you asking like that? Stop. Stop. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen, I'm sorry. Charlie Sheen. How many times do I go? How many times a day? Be honest. Be honest. Do you go on Facebook? Stop harassing me. Every commercial break, for sure. So that's just in the morning. Okay, I have to admit this about Facebook, though, in my defense.
Facebook has become an instinctual habit. I'm not even really... No, why do you... Was it when you first started or it's more now? Now. How many friends do you have? Four or five? No. A thousand. And when you only had four or five, how many times were you going on? Not often. That's my case. I have 4,952 friends. Oh, easy big time. I asked him. I asked him. He has a lot of friends, which. You only stare at me. What about her? I started it. Why do you hate me? Because you want to stick the saber deep into my. No, I love you. You're my brother. He doesn't always expect it from you, I think. True. You're my brother. Well, this report. is saying that the more friends you have on Facebook, the more likely you are to be stressed and suffer from anxiety because you have withdrawals is what it's saying because you're so in on what everyone's saying and you check it so often and you have so many friends that are on there that you have withdrawals and you feel like you're missing something if you're not signed on. Yeah, I don't have that. I don't have that. I have everything else but not that. Yeah, I don't have that. How many times do you sign on? You still haven't told me.
I sign on, I would say, four times an hour. What's the math on that? Every 15 minutes? Oh, you mean total for the day? Yeah. How many hours are you awake? I get up at 1.30 and I go to bed at 6. So that's 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 hours. You're up 17 hours a day? 16. 16 hours. 16? Be 64? So I check it 64 times a day? That's not bad. Oh my gosh. Facebook rehab. Seriously. How about you? Probably about that. Lauren? Don't plebe out. I've changed my ways because Facebook has been stressing me out. I don't go on at night anymore. I try not to. So how many times do you check it? Probably twice an hour. Five hours that I'm here. And then maybe only four times after that. About 14 times. Big build up. About 14 times. 14 times a day? Probably. That's not true. It is true. You're pleading out. No, I'm not. Maybe she's on for longer amounts of time. I believe her. I'm not even on Facebook. You're not? No. I've never joined it. I don't have any desire to join it. And I appreciate Lauren.
For only going on 14 times a day. And truth be known, it's probably less. What about Mikey and I? We were on about 64 times a day. Of course you are. I'm surprised it's not 64,000 plebeians. Why? Because you know what plebeians do? What? They look at Facebook all day long. They just go on Facebook. Are you on MySpace too still? No. You're more of a LinkedIn. Pierce nipples. I don't have pierced nipples. You have long fingernails. You're playing a sonata. That's right. I am. I've also got long. Black, shiny hair. You need to floss your teeth. No, I don't. They're sharp. They're filed to be sharp. I had them filed to be sharp. What time will you be at Lestat's tonight? Whatever time PBS ends. Whatever time the show, whatever time my favorite program on PBS ends, I'll go to Lestat's. What is your favorite show on PBS? Probably. Right now, these days. McNeil-Air. The McNeil-Air Report. Of course it is. You listen to NPR? Of course. Me too. Of course. What a dumb question. You listen to NPR when you're not checking your Facebook page 14 times a day. It's just a mere 14 times. You're a jerk. Stop playing the piano while you're talking to us, please. Why do you think you're so much better than us? Yeah, why do you think you're better than us? Excuse me, is your name Dirk? Is that your name? So I know it's not that dramatic. My name is not Dirk. It's actually pronounced Dirk. Dirk.
Okay, I would just like to say that I have one of the highest IQs ever reported. There's a difference between the creator, excuse me, talking to Mikey, the creator of Facebook. I'm on at least 200 times a day. Yes, that's fine. You own the company. That's what you do, though. But I don't go on there for business reasons. I go on there for seeing what my friends may have updated. I go on there to purchase various crops to be harvested. Do you poke? Do you poke people? I've been known to poke. I don't even know what you're talking about. You've poked me like 37 times, and I haven't poked back. Maybe it's another Dirk von Strauss. The picture sure looks a lot like you, except you have purple fingernails in that one. I have black fingernails right now. Well, in the picture, you have purple fingernails. I'm playing a sonata. So you are on Facebook. Silence. I was on Facebook. I'm no longer. Do you have a cape in one of your pictures? Yes. Were you at Sienna's wedding? I took photographs, yes.
It's a side business. It's a side. Why was Lestat at your wedding? He was with the band. I saw him in the corner. So did I. He was with the band. No, he was just standing in the corner. You're weird. He wasn't invited. He was with the band. You're weird, Dirk. You just showed up at my wedding. Yeah, you're very strange. You're a plebeian. I know I am, and I'm proud of it. You like this band I got on my t-shirt? The Deftones? The Deftones. I wouldn't know. You don't know who they are? No. You can't read, I guess. They release anything on vinyl? Maybe. They probably have a couple of vinyls. My bad. You can't ask a question and then say silence. I know. I was in the middle of a sonata. You're always in the middle of a sonata. Fine, I'll stop. Hey, are you excited for baseball season? Yes, I can't wait for baseball season. I'm sure I'll put on my jersey and I'll head out for the ninth inning stretch. Oh, boy. Seventh inning stretch. You just go there and drink your alcoholic beverages. I really don't drink anymore. You go there, you have a hot dog. Yeah, eat a hot dog. He has a few hot dogs. Yeah, you know that. Nachos. Pretzel nachos and sometimes cotton candy. Why don't you try a library? I love the library. I love to read.
Yes, maybe you should go there more often. I just got a new John Grisham book from the library in Carlsbad. Oh, really? Yeah. Really reading John Grisham, eh? Yeah. It's really entertaining. All done with the Pelican Brief, are you? No, I just read one. Oh, let me guess. Was it The Jury? No. All done with The Jury? Just browsing through the client one more time, just for old time's sake. I do that, too, because I read it in the fourth grade. What do you read for fun? I read the works of Kant. I read the works of Zossenberg. I read... Is Nietzsche in there? Of course. That was my 12th grade thesis. It was on Nietzsche? Sorry. Yes, I graduated from Berkeley in the 12th grade. That doesn't make any sense. I have no work. I thought you went to Juilliard, too. Yeah. I did go to Juilliard when I was 13. Oh. I despise you. I despise your program. I know. I despise everything. Pretty. What makes you laugh? That's what I want to know. Karl Marx. Marxism?
I think Marxism was hysterical if anybody thought it would work. Karl Marx makes me laugh. What about Miley Cyrus hosting SNL this weekend? What is Miley Cyrus and what is SNL this weekend? Not speaking his language, kid. I think the slightest idea would either... Saturday Night Live. You don't know what that is. This is when your program's on on Saturday nights. It's a show on NBC. It's been on for like 30 years. You might like Jordan Knight's new single that's coming out. Remember him from New Kids on the Block? We should play it and see what he thinks. Get an honest review. Yeah. Yes, why don't you play the new Jordan Knight? Tell us what you think. It's just really single. It's called Let's Go Higher. That's Colby O'Donis. You've got to be kidding me. Give it a chance. New Kids on the Block are going on a tour with Backstreet Boys. I feel I need nausea medication. Look at him. He's spinning out. I feel stupider just for hearing it. You got paler than you already were. I feel like your shoulder's doing a little bit of a twitch. Are you moving to the beat? Are you possibly dancing? I would never dance.
To Jordis Knight. Jordis Knight. You know it's Jordis Knight. You stopped playing the piano in time to listen, though. This music came blaring on. Like your nonsensical blather. Where do you listen to this? At the club. Yeah. In the club. In the club. You like clubs? He's single. Club sandwiches he does. Is that the sick pervert on the show? I'm talking again. Yes. Oh, this is wonderful. Perhaps Debbie Gibson will open the show. I like it. You like it. It's catchy. Touring with Tiffany again, I see. It's very catchy, my friend. So was the clap. You would know. That would require some sort of inner force. That's true. For the human. Other than yourself.
It's so weird when he leaves, he leaves in a cloud of smoke. Quentin Tarantino ever put weird stuff in his movies. He loves that sound. He loves it. It's like a surf sound. It reminds me of Winnie Cooper dancing in middle school. Wonder years. Can we talk about what just happened? No? Yes? Yeah, you can talk about it. I'm creeped out. Jay's got a gorgeous daughter. As daughters. I caught it just as quick. It was like a china plate fell. And we were both like, whoa! Yeah, get that thing. But we were both, but we were talking about one daughter in particular because? Because she had some professional modeling pictures taken. Yeah. And I was like, oh my goodness, she's beautiful. We wouldn't have known she did until Jay said, hey guys, Maddie's in a photo shoot. Want to see the pictures on Facebook? He goes, hey Woods, come in here. And I was like, ooh, what do we got?
He called Woods in. She's a knockout. She is a knockout. There's no question. Can I say what I said then, right before we went on the air? Yeah, whatever. I go, what would Jay say if somehow Woods were single? Which won't happen. Which isn't happening. But Woods came to Jay and he was like, dude. I just, I want, you know, I want to be respectful here. And I just, I want to know what you think. You know, I've been like talking to Maddie on Facebook. And I just, I want to know what you think if I was to go out with her. And I was like, what would Jay say? Would he give you? She wouldn't go for him. Oh, that was so mean. Look at Woods' face. Jay is so mean. Give me a break. I guess the gauntlet has been thrown down. No. Jay. I challenge you. Jay. Let's say that she's been roofied and blinded. Okay, roofied and blinded. Really? And she liked older guys. She's been in a bad rap. Anyone would want to date you. Of course. That's so awesome. Jay, let's say. You and your fat sores. All right. Jay. Jay, why are you so mean?
Don't fall down. Hey, don't fall down and break your hip in there. That's my turn, fat boy. Jay, so let's say that she thought he was charming. And we're talking about Woods, right? Yes. He is charming. I'm charming. You are charming. And she hasn't talked to you about it. He comes to you and says, hey, dude, I'm taking Maddie out. It'd be her choice. I would say she was insane. No, what would you say to him? I'd say good luck because I'd have to talk to her because there's no way. But what if she was all in on Woods? What would you say to Woods? It would be her choice. I wouldn't have anything to say. When you saw Woods the next morning. I would just give a grin. I'd be like, really? You're dating my daughter? Absolutely. You're crazy. Why am I crazy? Because she's too young for you. She's legal. How old is she? 22? I'm 35. Sienna and Todd. Yeah. Match made in heaven. Thank you. Same age, different. 35. Yeah, you're like four years old. I'm 25, Todd's 39. What if, Jay, okay, I'm going to make a crazy hypothetical. Okay. What if Wood said to you, I will accept a yes or a no. Whatever you say, I will do. I say no. What?
I knew it. Why? Because you're a dog. I'm not a dog. I'm a married man. If you weren't a married man, you'd be a dog. Fair enough. Fair enough. To Maddie's credit, her boyfriend is 30. Is he really? Yeah, he really is. That's creepy. No, it's not. It's not. She's very mature also. I love him. I love him. Sienna was like, I think he looks like Jay. I think she looks like Jay. She looks exactly like Jay. She looks a lot like Jay. She has Kim's beauty, but she's Jay as a girl. She goes, great, Dad. Thanks for the big head. Oh, man. I'm like, really? Thanks, Dad, for the big head. Most people in Hollywood statistically have bigger heads. Most people in Hollywood? Mm-hmm. Wow. Yeah. Wow. I should be in Hollywood. I have a big head. I have a big head, too. You guys all have big heads, I think. This is a big head show. Welcome to the big head show. We can hardly keep our heads up. My neck hurts so bad. Chris, come hold my head up. I can't believe Jay wouldn't let me date his daughter. Are you surprised? Are you surprised, Woods? Yes. He knows what kind of heart I have. You have a big heart. I have a big heart. Ew! He gave you one.
Yes! Thank you, Jake. Hey, that was nicer. Dial it back, bro. Your stomach. I was thinking his stomach. Oh, my gosh. Clean up your dirty place you're in. It's okay, Mike. It wasn't that bad. That was your gutter talk. He said way worse. Uncover your face, Mike. Come back to the microphone. Mike, he didn't even finish. It's kind of your fault for going there. He didn't even finish. I was not going to go there at all. I was thinking of his stomach. If that's what you're going to assume, I think maybe you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. Oh, wow. This has turned into Mike's problem. Wiener time. Now that was Jay's fault. Now that was my fault. But I was just saying what you were thinking. Mike, just peel your forehead off the mic. Just peel it off the microphone. They're going to talk about the iPad in 10 minutes. Can't wait. The new iPad 2, they're going to talk all about it and say when it's going to come out. We just treated you like a four-year-old. Yeah, we did. It worked. It did.
So, Uncle Victor is really upset about the treatment that Charlie Sheen's getting. Yeah, this is Uncle Victor for... Why don't you leave alone Charlie Sheen already? You know, it ain't like you're some schoolboy child or something, you know? What are you? You just grow your angel wings? Yeah! Hey, Charlie Sheen gave us... A League of Their Own. Why don't you give me a break? Give him a break already. All I'm sick of is turning on the TV and everybody's giving him a hard time. Why don't we try to help the guy already? This is Uncle Victor Ford. Leave alone Charlie Sheen. Wow. First of all, he wasn't in A League of Their Own. No.
He was in Major League. Yeah. He got that confused. Easily confused. And then he said, leave alone Charlie Sheen. Which doesn't work. Which is grammatically incorrect. We got the message. Yeah. It's Uncle Victor. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. That's good. Winning. Winning. Really, dude? Really? Really, dude? Really? Sounds like you. Charlie Sheen. Charlie. Charlie. What? What are you doing? Nothing. Sitting here. About to go on another interview. Who are you? I'm Charlie Sheen. It's pretty good. All these radio rants have people thinking Charlie Sheen has got to be on drugs again. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Yeah, I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. What's going to call him? Charlie Sheen imitator. I hope he stays in the news for the next six months. I got a gig. Yeah, there you go. What kind of blood do you have? Tiger blood. Tiger blood. Tiger blood of Donna's DNA. Hey, Bob. Hey, Max. Your dad loves you. I'm right here.
It's so good. No, Thomas Jefferson. He was a P-word. Direct quote as well. Is this strange calling a two-month-old Bob? A little bit. Yes. A little bit. Bob. Bob Sheen. Bob Sheen. Bob. Max. Max. Max Sheen. Bob could cry him. Bob, what do you want? Formula? Give Bob a bottle. It's okay. His name is Bob. I know, but his name's Bob. Bob, you want a Boba? Bob Sheen. Bob Sheen. Bob Sheen wants a Boba. What? What? Charlie Sheen. Jealous. Jealous. Here he is talking about Ambien. While he won't admit to being violent that night, he does say he wasn't himself and blames the sleeping pill Ambien. Ambien, hello, Ambien. The hello sort of infers like everyone knows. Yeah, what are you, stupid? It's almost as if he's saying it's in the name. Yeah. Hello, Ambien. Ambien. Hello, Ambien. It's like he's going, blow your head off. That's the name of the drug. Hello, it's called blow your head off. Actually, Ambien is Greek for psychopill. Hello. Hello.
Devil's aspirin. Anyone? Ambien? I think that led to that thing in New York. I don't know. I know that's the one thing in the mix that was not part of my normal blend. Okay, so let me get this straight. First of all, just to review, Ambien is the devil's aspirin, and here's why. Hello. Hello. Here's why Ambien is the devil's aspirin. Because that awful drug, if mixed with cocaine, alcohol, Shots of Jaeger. You're forgetting a big one. Right. You're forgetting a big one. What? Charlie Sheen. And the drug Charlie Sheen. Hello? You mix Ambien with all of that, it's a problem. Yeah. But Ambien's a safe drug prescribed to people. Cocaine isn't. Right. Not after four grams of cocaine in five minutes. But that's not the end. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello.
Hello? You guys are looking at each other, wasn't it? We're looking at each other. Hello? I'm saying hello. Hello. Hello. Try yellow. Hello? Yellow. Yellow. So you took Ambien with all the other... Yeah, I don't do pills. Drugs or alcohol. I don't do benzos or, you know, opiates or anything. What? Benzo drink, you know. Benzos and pizza? Pizzeria. Pizzeria. I don't do those. You just said Benzedrine. I know that. No, I don't. What is Benzedrine? Benzedrine. It's a famous pizzeria in New York. There's a famous pizzeria in New York called Benzedrine. No, it's called Benzos. It's Benzos. So you took... You know, you don't mix that with cocaine. You don't go to Benzos, then do cocaine and drink whiskey. And take Ambien. Hello? And I was like, I'm so sleep challenged. Sheen says he's always struggled with insomnia. Yeah, it's called cocaine addiction. Sometimes sleep is for... Sleep is for P-words. I've been up for four years. You don't sleep. You've been awake for four years? Four solid years. You've been asleep once in four years? Hello. Well, what do you mean hello? As if that's something that we should all know. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? You're sitting right in front of me.
Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Charlie, hello? Hello? I wait. How do you function if you don't sleep? I sleep in cars. I sleep on couches. I sleep when I can't sleep. When I can't sleep, I don't fight it. I just figure that there's a higher calling and something is keeping me on point that night. Yeah, cocaine. Yeah. And Charlie Sheen. I'm conflicted. I feel bad. At the same time, I love your Charlie Sheen. Yeah. I know. Please don't take it away from me. I know. It's all I've got in the repertoire. And I liked it when L.O.B. did it. I liked doing, you know, dueling Charlies. Dueling Charlies. I need it in my bag, okay? Don't take it out of my bag. It's a real, real good trick to pull out. I don't know that I trust your bag. There's nothing wrong with my bag. Take some things out of your bag. Everything is out of my bag. You've made fun of everything in my bag, and I've taken it out. That's all I got left. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. It's like a dime bag. Right, just a little bag. I'm not going to hurt you. Hello? Small doses. It will. Winning. I don't understand that. Winning. Winning. Hello? Hello? It's so fun. This is so fun. 5701949 is our number. Beginning and end of every show, we do open phones. You can call about anything. Call and say hi. Or you can call and say.
Hello? Hello? Moments away from the iPad, too, Mike. The reveal. I'm Googling. I'm waiting to see if there's anything. I don't see anything yet. Hurry up! Hello? Charlie Sheen. Hello? That's a quiet door. Yeah. Oh, hello. Who are you? Do you want to be a goddess? Do you want to be a goddess? Charlie Sheen's girlfriend. I've got room for one more. You don't have room for one more. I have room for four more. I got a big house. He has two beds in his room. I have tiger blood in my veins. You're going to do the DNA thing? I got anonymous DNA. Hello. How are you doing? Hillary, how are you? I'm good. I think it's like the Joaquin Phoenix mockumentary. You've got to be. It's impossible.
Let me tell you, it's too good. I mean, there's no way. It's too good. It's not that good an actor. It's not that good. I would have believed it from De Niro, Brando, maybe, you know, but not from Charlie Sheen. It's pretty fascinating and tragic. Yeah, it's brutal. Both of those things. Fall apart. I said, you know, I feel conflicted because I don't, obviously, I don't want to make fun of him because it's sad, but at the same time, I like the Charlie Sheen voice at the same time. That's why I wouldn't tweet about him. Hmm? That's why I wouldn't tweet about him. I was like, this is an easy joke here. You were too busy ruining Al Roker's day. That's true. Just ruining his life. Maybe his career. What if he gets fired because of that comment you made? I doubt that will happen. What if they're like, maybe he was better fit? Yeah, they might just tell him to plump up a little bit. What did you tweet to Al Roker? I didn't tweet to Al Roker. I just happened to tweet that I thought Al Roker was more lovable when he was chubby. And Al Roker responded to her personally. He sure did. Even though I didn't mention him. She didn't even put the act. Oh, so he did the search. He did the search. Yeah, some bands will do that sometimes and find you. Really? Who knew? So what was his response? He said, fortunately, my wife does not agree.
And I cried. She cried really hard. I felt so bad because I was like, what if he's over there like, get with anyway. Yeah. You know, he's all proud of himself. Really? I've got to get this on my phone right now. Really? You like me? I can't. I'm darned if I do. I'm darned if I don't. Can't do anything. Let's see what's happening in your neck of the woods. Yeah. There's plenty of things he could tweet about me. Oh, I love Al Roker. Maybe we'll get into a tweet war. Yeah. Oh, that would be awesome. That would be awesome. Hillary, what do you have coming up? I grabbed the new Strokes, some Smiths, and new Politics, and one of our new recommended albums, Black Joe Louis and the Honey Bears' new record, Scandalous. It is so good and such a fun record. So I'm going to play a song called Booty City. Ooh. Before 11. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next. We will see you tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. Mikey Show's out late.