The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 03/04/11
Friday, March 4, 2011
donut run and firing jokeWoods Bieber costumeCharlie Sheen tiger bloodCraigslist safetyzapato word of the daygrocery cart fecal matterfake baby shower/adoptionDead Arm ChallengeChargers Bob Sanders signingcharity golf auctionSushi Popper samplingLittle League Braves game
Mikey opened the show by sending Chris for donuts and then mock‑firing him for being gone, teasing him about his haircut and nervous look. Meanwhile, Woods got ready to hit the streets in a glittery baby tee, mascara, guyliner and a Justin Bieber wig for a planned Bieber‑impersonation prank. The crew spent time discussing Charlie Sheen’s tiger‑blood tweets, debated Craigslist safety, announced the word‑of‑the‑day zapato, shared a disturbing study about fecal matter on grocery carts, and Woods riffed on a fake baby shower after his adoption fell through. The episode closed with the Dead Arm Challenge, where Lauren O’Brien asked trivia questions and the losers received hard arm punches from Jay.
What happened, in order
Chris sent for donuts and faux firing
Mikey jokes that Chris was sent out for donuts, then pretends to fire him for being gone, teasing him about a haircut and looking panicked.
Woods prepares to be Bieber’d
Woods tries on a glittery Surf Diva baby tee, mascara, guyliner and a Justin Bieber wig for a upcoming bit where he’ll impersonate Bieber in public.
Charlie Sheen’s Tiger Blood bragging
Charlie Sheen (via tweets and discussion) boasts about having tiger blood, winning, and promotes his Tiger Blood product while mocking critics.
Craigslist safety debate
Lauren O’Brien and others argue whether avoiding Craigslist means being scared or just cautious, sharing personal experiences with strangers and safety tactics.
Word of the day: zapato
The word zapato (Spanish for shoe) is announced; caller number nine wins a four‑pack of NASCAR tickets, G‑Love tickets and sunglasses.
Grocery cart fecal matter study
Sienna reports a University of Arizona study finding fecal matter on 72% of grocery cart handles and E. coli on half, prompting disgust and hygiene tips.
Woods’ fake baby shower and adoption talk
Woods jokes about having a fake baby nursery and shower for an adoption that fell through, making the crew uncomfortable with his forced‑eating routine.
Dead Arm Challenge explained
Lauren O’Brien describes the Dead Arm Challenge where two staff answer trivia questions and the loser gets a hard punch to the arm from Jay.
People mentioned
MikeyChrisJayLauren O'Brien (L-O-B)SiennaWoodsGarrettHillaryTristan Gale GeislerBob SandersEric WeddleBill PullianCharlie SheenBrooke
29,819 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
To the broadcast, everybody. It's a Mikey show on a Friday with a live studio audience on the way. In the lobby. In the lobby. Yeah, we had to send Chris out across. We had to send Chris out to get donuts, and he's the guy that brings up our live studio audience in the elevator. And so, because he was gone, we had to send Jay down, and Jay's bringing up the live studio audience. There's Chris. Where? Oh, yeah! Cross. Chris, don't even worry. You did us a favor. I bet you he is sweating. He looks panicked. Nothing wrong. Wait, Chris, come here. Flabbergasted. You're fired. Chris, come here. Come here. You're not tripping out, are you? What? You're not tripping out, are you? You got a haircut. Haircut. Looking sharp. Yeah, you got a PHC. Are you tripped out or something, Chris? I'm good. I was just in a rush. Okay, cool. I thought he felt bad. We sent him out.
Hi, guys. Come on in. I told you, Mikey. I told you he's no good. Yeah, I say we fire him right now. Just come and go however he pleases me. Oh, I guess you just went to get some donuts, huh? Happy birthday. Yeah, enjoy. Put a candle in there, because happy birthday. Enjoy them donuts. It's the last ones you're ever going to have here. That's right. I just hope you know you ain't leaving this room. It's going to be called your tomb. Okay, so our phone number, 570-1949. Our text, 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as L-O-B. That's Sienna. Jay's our producer, and our phone screener is Chris. Let's crawl. Let's crawl. We need to tell the live studio audience, from this point on, whenever we do a live studio audience, which, by the way, make some noise. Now we got them. But whenever we do the introductions, we should let the live studio audience join in with the Chris part. So I will do that again. Our phone screener today is Chris. That's Chris. There you go. Jay, when he was walking by, punched me in the bowl. I knew it. Hard. That's what I was asking. I am about to vomit. Any second. You do it to him more than he does it to you. But he closed fisted. Bam. You always do. But usually.
Usually when you guys walk by each other, you know and you put your hands over your thing. But sometimes one of you isn't paying enough attention. Yeah, and you're being a little more smart A than usual. Is that right? Yeah. It's Friday. He's wound up. Leave me alone. Oh, that hurts. Did he get you right in him? Right on the right one. And it's creeping up my stomach right now. I know the feeling. L.O.B. I wonder, see, girls have said to me before that if they get, you know, like when they're kids, you know, when they're messing around, if their brother, they're messing around and they get kicked in the privates, they're like, it hurts just as bad. It doesn't. It doesn't. It definitely hurts, but I don't think it's as bad. Nope. It's not electrical. No. No. It's not like you guys at all. It doesn't start at the toes and go all the way up. No. And that is what it's like for us. For us, it just feels like we got kicked anywhere else, I think. No, it hurts more. I heard if you get hit in the boobs, it hurts. Yeah. It does. It does. I can relate. That's the nerves in both of those areas. Okay, so at 7.30, you are in for something delightful. Now, it will sound great on the radio. It will sound incredible on the radio. But what you will actually...
Get to witness by checking out the pictures in the video at facebook.com slash Mikey show will be even better. Woodsy is going to Bieber somebody. And what that means is we're putting the Justin Bieber wig on Woods. But so much better. Woods is wearing a girl's baby tee. And he has. He just calls that Friday. He's got a belly. Woods has a belly, and he's going to show that midriff. And mascara. And mascara. Mascara, guyliner. Guyliner. And everybody that's listening to this show for a while knows that I have a nipple problem, that my nipples are always hard. Yeah. And in this shirt, it's very... See-through. See-through, painfully obvious. Sheer, just about. There's glitter on the front. The glitter says surf divas. Yeah, it's bedazzled. It's bedazzled. There's shirts that were brought in for Lauren and I, and Woods decided he wanted to try it on. This was a great idea in the meeting. He tried it on yesterday, and we laughed 10 minutes. I laughed just, I would think about it. Oh, yeah. I would just think about it, and it would get me.
It's good. I immediately sent a picture to my husband of Woods because I couldn't stop laughing. I'm so nervous. I'm jealous. I'm so nervous. It's going to be good. Don't forget Woods and Jay are golfing on Monday and the auction to golf with them ends today. So go to MikeyShow.com. And if you want to golf with Woods and Jay, big Charger news. Big Charger news yesterday. Absolutely, man. A pretty low-risk move, I think. They signed safety Bob Sanders away from the Indianapolis Colts. He was a free agent. And, you know, this guy in his prime was one of the best in the league, if not the best. Game changer. Game changer. He was the defensive player of the year in 2007. And hard hitting. He's a safety. Now, what they're doing is they're going to get a little insurance because Eric Weddle is going to be a free agent. Now, all this is, you know, for now, great. It's fine. The collective bargaining agreement still needs to be worked out. Yeah. You know, so as soon as that's worked out, Weddle may sign here. He may sign somewhere else. But I'm telling you, man, it's a low risk, high upside move. And you get a name like Bob Sanders back there. Change of scenery. Hopefully the guy comes in healthy and he's ready to go. Does he say how old he is? He's 30. He's 30. Yeah. But he's a... One year is perfect. Yeah. One year deal. If he holds up. Show him what you got.
I mean, Bob Sanders' deal is that he is injury-prone. Dude, he played nine games in the last three years. Oh, boy. And that's tough. Listen, I consider the Indianapolis Colts to be a very good organization. Correct. And I think that they got one of the best GMs in the business in terms of understanding the game. Bill Pullian. And so I just wonder, because they let him go. Yeah. They let him go. And I just wonder what they saw and what we saw that was different and all that stuff. But I read the funniest tweet yesterday. It was like a fake news headline like The Onion. It says, Bob Sanders injures hand signing contract with the Chargers out for the season. It's just one of those things. You hope you can catch lightning in a bottle. You hope he gives you a couple more good years. He's got a year to prove himself. And if he can get back to form.
Forget it. He's great. He's great. It's a low risk. And the terms of the contract weren't disclosed yet. But, you know, I'm sure it's not for much dough. I mean, he's got to prove himself again. Winning. Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen has reached a verbal deal with his ex-wife, Brooke. Want to know how we know that? How? He tweeted about it. I tweeted it. I told you about it. This guy loves media right now. It's nuts. But he said. Via Twitter. Not sure what all the legal noise is about. Just verbally reached a deal with B. No court Monday. Yay. Yet the opposition felt it necessary to still harass me with old gibberish. Odd? Perhaps. Transparent? You betcha. Huh. That was a Charlie Sheen tweet yesterday. I think he thinks Twitter is like instant messenger.
I don't think that. I don't think that. Wait, you said something earlier, like, be back. Sorry for the delay. Be back. Yeah, I had to go. I had to go do something. I had to go talk to my friend, and then I came back, and I just wanted to let you know I was leaving. But you knew that we weren't all sitting on the other end of our computer. When you say you, do you mean L-O-B, Charlie? No, I just mean people in general. And, you know, in fact, people are waiting for my tweets every day. Like, every 30 seconds, people can't turn away. You're not going to turn away from Charlie Sheen's tweets. You're just not. It's epic. Everything's epic. You are Charlie Sheen. I am Charlie Sheen. You're not going to turn away from Charlie Sheen's tweets. Yeah, but you are saying that as if I don't have the... Like, I can't. Like, I don't have the ability. Why would you? Hello? Hello? I do have the ability. What in your pathetic life is more interesting than what's going on in my life? I guess nothing, but still, I have the power to not look at it. You don't have any power. You think you have power. You don't have power. I have power. You are insignificant. I am significant. Tiger blood. I have tiger blood. You have tiger blood. It's pulsing through my veins, okay? Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen has a new product. It's called Tiger Blood. See real results fast. Winning. And the strength of 10,000 men. Charlie Sheen.
Tiger Blood. Never be afraid. You picked a fight with a warlock. Tiger Blood. Eat a rare steak. Hello. Tiger Blood. Wow. Never change your stripes. Score more doesn't lie. Tiger Blood. Be a big, strong cat. Winning. Oh, wow. Tiger Blood. Available and be positive and owning. Oh, weird. Charlie Sheen. Tiger Blood. Does not contain actual tiger blood. Certain restrictions may apply. You know what's going on. Come on, guys. We're talking about practice. I've got magic on my fingertips. So I have real fame. They have nothing. I missed practice. Look at me. I'm a freaking rock star from Mars. And we are, I don't know, winning. The win-win. Drug test don't lie. A way of processing losers. Bye-bye. Banging rocks. That's how I roll. Because I'm me. I'm different. I get tiger blood, man.
Hey, Charlie, it's Charlie. Hey, Charlie. How you doing? I'm fine. I have an idea. I'm going to throw it past you. You don't have to do it. You're not throwing anything past me. I know. I should have known that. You're an Adonis. So are you. You have tiger blood. So do you. Question. Answer. Should we try to stay out of the media? No. Why would we? Hello? Yeah, that's a good idea. Maybe we go back in the media. We haven't been on Joey Behar yet. No, we haven't done that. Nancy Grace. No, we haven't done that. You know what we haven't been on? What? Sesame Street.
I'm in. Just call your guy. Everything else. Call our guy. Our guy. We've been on everything else. Is there one thing we forgot about? I just don't want to miss anything. Yo Gabba Gabba, we haven't done that. Wendy Williams? No, we did. No, I think we literally did Wendy Williams. Of course we did. Winning. Well, don't know what the deal is with Charlie. Every day, there's a new layer to the onion. You've got to peel back. So we'll find out today. But it sounds like by working out a deal with Brooke, it sounds like he's going to get the kids again. Well, they've always shared custody. It sounds like he's going to get it again. Yeah, he will. I think he just intimidated her real good into giving up the kids. Oh, boy. Also, he was supposed to be in The Hangover 2, and he's not making a cameo in that anymore. Oh. I thought that was done. Maybe they edited him out. I don't know. Making a cameo in number two. You hear about Serena Williams? Oh, so sad. This is a sad story. She has a pulmonary embolism. She has a blood clot in her lung. And they're saying she's going to be out of commission for about two years. Yeah. Until they can get her, you know.
fixed up a little bit, but she may end up retiring. Her quote was, it's been extremely hard, scary, and disappointing. I'm doing better. I'm at home now working with my doctors to keep everything under control. I know I'll be okay, but I'm praying and hoping this will all be behind me soon. But she's saying she wants to be back by early summer. The doctors are saying no, it may be a couple of years. Do we know what that is? Yeah, it's a blood clot. She's got a blood clot in her lung, apparently. How that happens. It's really sad, though. I mean, she is at the top of her game, one of the best tennis players ever. I don't really follow female tennis, but it's just a legend. You know what's weird about it is that you'd think that they could fix everything now. Yeah, you would. You would. So, I don't know. Anyway, that's what's going on. Speaking of sports, the woman here in San Diego that was the Olympian that had the gold medal. Yeah, Tristan Gale Geisler. She said it's stolen. Did I say that right? Stolen? Is that a word? Yes. You say stalled. Yeah, I fixed it. It's now stole. It's stole. The word is stole. Here's 50-50 on having it fixed. Let's not get excited. I haven't fixed the problem. I'm working on the problem. I believe you said it yesterday or the day before. Yeah, maybe I did. In 2002, Tristan, who lives in Oceanside, she won a...
gold medal in the Olympics for a woman's skeleton, which Mikey's competed in numerous times. There was a break-in in her apartment in Oceanside. Do we know what that is? It's that little sled where you basically don't see the sled at all. You're just laying. It's like a luge with no sled. Any sled I lay on, you don't see a sled under. Got it. No, it's fine. Well, on January 25th, her Oceanside apartment was broken into. They took her medal, her Olympic ring, engagement ring, computers, all kinds of stuff. And they have captured the three men who stole the stuff. And now, yesterday, she got her medal back. Nice. Yeah. That's good news. I know. What do you think they're going to do with it? I know. Just wearing it around shirtless at the beach. I'm sure they just got excited. Like, oh, look at this. This looks nice. You know, they didn't even. Took it to a pawn shop. Yeah. Were you in the Olympics, sir? Yes, I was. Women's skeleton. I'll give you $66 for it. It's worth $5,000. Yeah, but I'm here to give you $66 for it. That's not. $70.
If you give me $100 for it. All right. You ever seen any of those pawn shop shows? The reality shows? Crazy stuff goes through there. Yeah, I just watched it for the first time ever. I'd never seen any of those. What's it called? Pawn Stars and Pawn Shop Wars and the real pawn shops of West Virginia. I'm in. American Pawn Shop. Desperate Pawn Shop. American Pawn Shop. Pawn's Anatomy. Pawn's Anatomy. I watched one the other day. Crazy stuff happens in there. Oh, yeah. And people do sell crazy things. They'll buy stuff that's homemade. You make something and you sell it at a pawn shop. Some dude made an M80 launcher. The guy bought it. I might start selling my stuff to the pawn shop. Yeah? What stuff? I don't know. I got random stuff around my house. I wonder if the pawn shop would give you more than if you sold it on Craigslist. I'm done with Craigslist. You are? Well, yeah. I'm not with you and Craig? No, I just don't want to invite people into my home. You don't have to. You guys scared me. You just meet them somewhere else. You'd done it before, hadn't you? Oh, yeah. They came to your home. Yeah, and vice versa. Now I'm all scared. Craigslist killer on the loose. Hey, listen. He's not on the loose. He's been arrested. He's behind bars. But L.O.B., I'm shocked that you used to let people come over to the house. Oh, yeah. Not even a second thought. What'd you sell?
Everything. Anything. Give me an example. Usually furniture. Yeah? Mm-hmm. And you open the door, some dude is standing there? Oh, hey, yeah. Mm-hmm. No way. Crazy. And they would come in, take a look, go, I'll give you this much for it. Mm-hmm. Usually in and out. And they would have somebody with them? Yeah. I like to trust people. What, Jay? Yeah, I like to trust people. But you're a man. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. That implies that to not... Participate in Craigslist means that you're afraid of everything. You're afraid of everything. Something traumatic happened as a child or something. Well, I just wonder if I don't do the Craigslist bit, if I'm saying to myself, I don't like to trust people. No. It means you're scared. No, it doesn't. It absolutely does. No, it doesn't. I'm scared. I'll say it. I'm not scared. I don't have people in my home. You're not scared? No. Then why not do it? Because I don't want them in my house. Then why? Wait, wait, wait. Why? You hate people? Yeah. Why do you not want them in your house? Because I don't like strangers in my home. I don't like friends in my home, much less strangers. Why? Why do you not like strangers? What do you mean? Why do you not like strangers? Because I don't know who they are.
I'm not scared of them. I got a .357 Magnum. I'm not scared of anybody. No, I understand that, but you don't know who they are and? Yeah, I don't want them in my house sniffing around, looking at my stuff. Because they might take something? No, I just don't want them in there. I don't like people in my house. I don't know. Do you? Does anybody? No, I don't. For the same reason you don't. But it doesn't mean I'm scared. Yeah, I'm scared that they'll do something. Oh, I don't know. That they might take something or they might be weird or they might come back and rob you? You guys got crazy ways to do it. What I do is I'm like, hey, I'm going to come over and see you at 1 o'clock. Perfect. I put it up out in the driveway. That's okay. Yeah, I'd do that. And they show up and I show them, hey, here it is. Take it or leave it. I would do that. I just don't want them in my house. Yeah, come in, sit on the couch. Don't take shoes off. Let's rub the feet. Have you seen this movie? Let's watch it. I don't want them in my home. But I would bring them to my home, but not inside. If you're a girl, I say, don't do it. Yep, meet them at a gas station. Have somebody there. Gas station? Yeah, meet them at a gas station. Can we bring a couch to a gas station? Absolutely. Who brings a couch to a gas station? Just have someone else there, too. Yeah. I talked to Amanda, who does Big Sound or Chill. We were talking about this yesterday. And now she texts her husband and lets her know where she's going in the address. So in case anything happens to her. That's weird, man. What? Scares me. Yeah. Like everywhere she goes? No, no, no. She gets things off Craigslist. Oh. Yeah.
Going to 7-Eleven. He's like, I get it. You're fine. You're going to be okay. Stop texting me. I was like, wow. Overly cautious. This is good. Yeah. Freaks me out. I won't do it. I'm all scared now. And I have stuff that I'd like to sell. You give it to me. I'll take a cut and I'll do it for you. I'm thinking about that. Do it. I'm thinking about that. You won't have anyone over though. Like I said, I'd have them in my driveway. I'd meet them outside. They're not coming in my house. It's like a garage sale. I think I might sell my 07 BMW M5, and I don't know how to do it. I've never done it. I want a taste, though. Do you do it? Do people sell cars on Craigslist? Sure. You can put it in Autotrader. Autotrader is a real good way to go. There's a lot of scams on Craigslist. I mean, I sold my car via Craigslist. before but there's a lot of scams so I feel like people aren't as they don't bite as much as auto trader scariest creepiest thing in the world to me open your door some guy's dressed as a clown like a scary clown you're overthinking it why would you do that I'm not sure where you're selling stuff what are you selling clown noses or stilts I'm here to look at your couch I want your stilts I'm here for the rubber chicken yeah freaky
Don't sell juggling bags on Christmas and you won't have to worry about that. It's the only thing I would sell. What about those flowers that squirt water? I have a bunch of those. Selling those. Big red floppy shoes. Big red shoes. You've got a box of pens that squirt ink in people's faces. A whole box of the real long balloons you blow up. What do you expect? I say to them, I go, how come you didn't go to Clown Mart? Why are you coming here? You're putting it there for cheaper. Yeah, why don't you go to Clown City? It's a lot cheaper, Clown City, anyway. Print out a Groupon and just go down there and get whatever you need. 570-1949 is our number you want to text. It's 949mikey at gmail.com. More carry-on luggage taxpayers. The TSA apparently says that us as taxpayers are paying out millions of dollars a year. What is, like, specifically? Well, because now we have to pay for checking our bags so more people are carrying on, so it's actually costing taxpayers about a quarter billion dollars a year. Just to, you know, in taxes for carrying on luggage for people. I don't get it. Am I stupid? What do you mean? I don't understand. Well, I guess the government gets a taste. Of what? Repaved for your luggage. People pay for luggage now.
Carry on. It means that also more TSA officers have to inspect the security checkpoints, which costs about $260 million annually. Holy cow. Yeah. I get it now. Just for the TSA. Maybe the airlines stop charging so much for the bags and we wouldn't have to do this. Yeah. That's true, man, but they're making dough. Some of the airlines now are getting rid of the free little treats like peanuts and cutting all that out too. Soon they're going to take the toilets off the plane. Yeah. Great. They're going to take seats out, and we've got to hold those things in the train. Just stand there. Like, this is badass. Oops, sorry. Sorry about that. I don't know if you heard about this, man. Crazy 911 call from Paula Abdul. Straight up. That's weird. Straight up. She had to make a 911 call so her boyfriend wouldn't let her out of the car. Kind of disturbing to hear, just warning you. But we have it, and we'll play it next. Live studio audience in the studio room. Make some noise with our live studio audience. Yes, I see you looking, and yes, I did eat two. I'm sorry. I'm going to eat two donuts because I'm fat. I saw you look. Let's make sure everybody gets a donut. Did everybody get one? Let's grab two, though, before. They do. There's plenty out there. I know. I have to keep my svelte figure.
What's going on? He's mad at me. He's coming after me. He's mad at me too. Me? I love you. What's going on in that head of yours this morning? Hey, hold on. Is it? Hello? I hope it's the right one. Yes, this is. Well, I have a question for you, please. Why do you keep calling? I understand this. But I haven't got anything in the mail. But I have not received email. I understand this. Understand this. But what I don't... What? What part do I not understand? I understand, but I have not received email. I thought it was... I thought it was... How did they say the... Oh, the... Spam? Did they call the spam, is this? It is a spam. It is a spam.
It is a scam. You are, is this a try to scam me? Yes. Yes. Okay. But then let me ask you, how much? How much you try to scam me for? What are you talking about? You want to get me to buy, you say, oh, oh, you're not selling anything, but yet. Every time you call, you try to get me to pay money. And I don't get any Time Life book. I don't get any anything. Yes? Why? May I ask you? Can I ask you a question? Ma'am. Ma'am. Why are you screaming? You are screaming at the top of your lungs, sir. They are? They're probably terrified of you right now.
You are yelling at the top of your lungs, sir. Okay, that's fine with me. I've been trying to move on forever. You passed go. You get $200. I could take care of anything, but I have tiger's blood in my vein. What? You're screaming again. I am not laughing. Oh, now you're accusing me of laughing? If I was laughing right now, the whole office would hear me. I think we may have lost her. Wow. I'm late on my – apparently I'm late on my credit card bill too, which is great. Gosh. So you have real creditors calling too. That's mine. That's from my little $500 limit card. But I don't get the frigging statements or the emails. So I never – my other credit card sends me emails online and I don't get these. Woodsy says that he gets these calls, right, from like – for his wife from –
Like this old card that he doesn't even have. Ten years ago. Right. And he gets calls on it. So the next time they called, I was like, we got to do something. Well, he thought that's what it was. It was actually calling for him. Well, that was still hysterical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tiger's blood. She was like me. They all are. They're trained. My brother was one. But at one point, I think she kind of laughed. I did too. I think I got her. She started to like. take on your accent at some point. She did. It's weird. I think I got her at one point. She said, I was screaming at the top of the lungs. I was screaming at the top of lungs. My brother did that as a summer job. He was a creditor for Bank of America and he would show, he kind of told me the scripts that they had. You're like, oh my God. Yeah, it's crazy. It's gnarly. It is, man. Let's see. So Woods is going to go Bieber somebody in an hour from now. No. He's going to put on that little baby tee, show the midriff. Skin tight. Skin tight. Skin tight. Just nipples out. His headlights on. Yeah, look. I don't know why. Glass cutters. Then he's going to don the Bieber wig and off you'll go. I'll do his makeup. That's right. Mascara and guyliner. Let's see. The word of the day, by the way, is zapato.
The word of the day is zapato. Which means shoes, Mike. Or shoe. Shoe. That is correct. And so when you hear me say zapato between now and 10, you need to be caller number nine. You'll get a four-pack of tickets to the Nationwide Series, G-Love tickets, and a pair of sunglasses. All three prizes will be available for you. Winning anyone. That's right. So, okay. Paula Abdul. On Valentine's Day, was with her boyfriend, they got into an argument, and it led to this. Okay, who is it that you're with, and what exit or off-ramp are you near? Where are you near on the runway? Okay, can you give me an exit in Santa Barbara? Ma'am, I need... Are you at Seaward, ma'am? Are you south of Seaward? Seaward? Did you just call her at Seaward? Did you hear what she said at the very end? She goes, he's dropping me off. So it sounds like they got in a fight and she called 911. Yeah. You ever just abused the system? Everybody. You ever just insane? Yeah. Just hammered? Don't call 911 if you're in a fight. Yeah, man. Yeah. He ate my chicken wings. Do you think she's ever dramatic about stuff? Yeah. He told me I couldn't get dessert. He called me chubs at Valentine's Day dinner. Yeah. Have you never been in that fight that we were like, just let me out of this car? Oh, yeah. And then you get out of the car and you're like.
I'm on the side of the freeway. I'm an idiot. I'm stuck here. Doesn't your wife let you out? We had one. There was one occasion years ago, and she told you this story when we got in this big fight, and I left her house and decided I was going to walk home down the North Dallas Tollway, which is like walking down the fight. Oh, my gosh. And cut through some neighborhoods, and it was freezing cold. It was Halloween, and everybody had their decorations up, so I'm trudging through people's yards, and there's ghouls in their yards. Scary. Yeah. It was scary. Finally, she found me. And she would call me and I'd hang up on her. Call me and hang up. Grown up little kid. Yeah. Wow. Grown up little kid. Do you have any spooks off that night? Maybe a little bit. Had to knock down a couple Captain and Cokes, I think. Yeah. Before that. 16, 17. Oh, man. Okay, let's see. So, we had a meeting yesterday. Staff meeting. Weird. Got another one today. It's the best. And in that staff meeting, you were not there, Sienna. No. But. So sorry. I'll tell you, this L.O.B. was so inappropriate, I can't even begin to tell you. Oh, what? She just gave a look at what? She was well-behaved. I was fine. You. She was writing notes. Yeah, she did write a couple notes. She was writing some notes. She got me. I did. She made me laugh. She got everybody. She was writing notes on little pieces of paper and showing them so that only I could see them.
In the meeting. And same bit. So I decided that... Garrett had told me at one time that he thought that my pranks and activity in these meetings was kind of funny. So I was like, okay. So while he was speaking, I decided to... She just held up a piece of paper. Which, by the way, she did in the meeting yesterday. That says, show me your dot, dot, dot. In the meeting. Creep. Little creep. Brilliant. Just trying to lighten the mood because somebody kept blowing up my phone. You know what I did, Sienna? What did you do, Mike? I called our program director Garrett's phone while he was speaking. I did the same thing. You did too? I did the same thing. What? You guys are such little clouds. Yeah, he answered it. He answered. He goes, well, somebody's calling me. No, he didn't. I was mortified. Mortified. And you were standing there holding your phone? No, I had it under the table.
He was going to know it was you. I know, but I didn't want him to see me take it out and be right in the middle. That'd be rude. Were other people that are part of our 949 staff, did they like this or were they annoyed by our show's humor? I think they were digging the bits yesterday. Hillary loves the bits. In fact, Hillary had one of the best bits. She had one of the most killer lines I've ever heard. I can't remember what it was, but it was funny. We were clowns. At one point, Mike, it all started. He was texting my phone and my phone was like... And I go, that is so rude. Who is that? Do you need to pick that up? And so she took her phone out of her purse and looked at it and saw that it was me and gave me this look like you're a clown and hit the off button, put it back in her purse. So I text it right back and it goes... In the middle of the meeting. Garrett's talking. And he's like, yeah, in the fourth quarter, you know. And I go, Garrett, I'm sorry. That is so rude. Who is that? Do you need to take that? Do you need to get it? So then I turned the sound off, and so he started texting Jay. Why don't you listen to Garrett, Mike? Oh, wait. You were writing on the pizza box. Yes, he was writing notes on the pizza box. That's right.
And holding it up. And holding it up. A big-ass pizza box. Did you learn anything from the meeting, Mike? Or did you listen to anything? Oh, yeah. He wrote, so, dot, dot, dot, can we go? On the pizza box. And held it up half a dozen times. You know that your kids are probably going to be the same as you when it comes to school. And you're going to have to school them when they misbehave. And you get phone calls from teachers. And your wife, Rebecca, is going to be like, oh. I wonder where they get it. Check that. And you'll have nothing to say. I think it was a quick meeting too. Was it? Yeah, we were out there by like 40 minutes. 1245. True story. No, it was. We had another one today. Oh, killer. I'll be there for that one. I got a doctor's appointment. That you booked after you knew we had the meeting. I'm just saying. You have to be there. You're the executive producer and you have to be there. You guys can take notes. How unprofessional. I'm going to send my assistant producer for this. Oh, I'll be. I'm at every meeting. And I stayed till the end. You know, one of the things is like when your kids do something wrong, but it's funny. That's hard. That's hard. And yesterday, last night, I was like, I did something and me and Jake thought it was so funny. But then I'm like, what if he does this? I was I was farting. And then I would go and then I would go and then I would go. Daddy tooted. And he would laugh. Roll at that.
He would laugh so hard. And so then I would have a little bit more left. And so I'd take a little... He had a bean of juice yesterday. Oh, he would laugh. Any other day. It's like, yeah, because yesterday was Thursday. The day ends in why chances you had a burrito were pretty good. Chances are pretty high having a burrito. Is it open season at your house now for just farting? I would never, ever, ever. ever do that in front of my wife. I would never do that in front of my wife, but in front of my boy. It's funny. It's funny. That's something that guys can share. That's a good topic, though, is what did your kids do wrong? You let it slide? Jenna, when she was in kindergarten, my stepdaughter, a little kid asked her what day it was, and she had those underwear on that says the... the day, like Tuesday, Wednesday. And she put on her pants and said, it's this day! And the teacher talked to Todd about it. Todd had to be like, you can't do that. But he laughed. But he's laughing his butt off. It's funny. Very resourceful. It's this day! You can't help it. You can't help it if it's funny. Let's see. So, yesterday we were also doing this thing. We're going to start this new game that was actually suggested by an M1. And the game is called...
Hit that post. Hit that post. Hit that post. And you know the idea. We've done it before where we play a song. And the challenge for me is to be able to talk right up until the point where the person starts to sing. That's called hitting the post in radio. And this listener wrote in and he said he loves when we do this and he thought it would make a fun game. And I wrote him back and I said, well, not really sure how we could do it because if people start calling, we may not have the song, blah, blah, blah. I don't want to be looking for it on the fly. And then through just going back and forth, we decided, no, we could do it. What we'll do is we'll have people call in as we go into a commercial break, tell us what song they want, hold on the line, and if we don't have it, we'll download it. I just need to know the song. That's it. And then if I get it, they win, and if I don't, they lose. First try. I only get one shot. So we were discussing it yesterday, and we were saying, well, what do we think of this? Does this sound like a good idea? Blah, blah, blah. We're just kind of tossing it around amongst ourselves. And Jay says, well, let me hear it. Let's see what it sounds like. And so I go, okay. So I started playing a song, Amy Mann's song. And I'll even show you what I did so that you can get the full effect of what happened yesterday. So I go like this. I say, all right, guys, let's try it with this Amy Mann song. Hey, what's going on? It's Michael Shannon hanging out with you.
I just want to let you know Amy Mann's going to be down at the belly up pretty soon. I hope you enjoy it. It's going to be a good time. It's Michael Shannon on The Rock. You look like... Okay, now that's called Hitting the Post, right? Nailed it. So we did that. And, you know, Jay goes, wow, it's pretty cool. It's pretty amazing. It is. Pretty cool. Great. And Wood says, that's cool. And L.O.B.'s like, I don't know, I'm not sold. But I said, yeah, maybe. You know, we try it every once in a while. I said, all right, let's try it, see if it sticks. We're talking a little bit more about it. And L.O.B. says, she goes, hey, by the way, she used to work at the Belly Up. L.O.B., before she was on this program, she worked at the Belly Up. So she goes, hey, do you want to have Amy Mann in the studio or on the show? And I go, yeah. Yeah, that's cool. And she goes, all right. And so she wrote an email to the Belly Up, blah, blah, blah. And then we start moving on and we're talking about other ideas and stuff that we want to do for the show. And about 20 minutes later, L.O.B. goes, hey, I just got an email back from the belly up and Amy Mann's not playing. And I said, oh, my God. You are kidding me, Lauren. You thought he was serious that she was going to the belly up? Yes.
He was just getting content to practice. Well, okay. In my defense, number one. I said, what if it had been the doors? She'd be like, hey, can we get Jen Morris? No. I wouldn't have thought that because you're a big Amy Mann fan. So I was like, oh, well, then he probably knows that she's coming to the belly up. And right after he did it, my ears were like, oh. So right after he said she's going to be at the belly up, I said, do you want me to see if she can come in? And he answered. Yeah. Yeah. Why would I? Maybe she lives in San Diego or we'll be here and you know something that I don't. Absolutely. Lauren, it's so great. It's so L.O.B. Really, dude. Really. Really. It was really fun trying to explain over email to the belly out what I had done. We were playing this new game and then he said it and I was like. Oh, my God. You should have just said, oh, I thought I heard that she was coming. Sorry, my bad. Idiot. So great. Idiot. So funny. Sign me up for that. I love Amy Mann, but she's not coming here. No. Where is she playing in town? I'm glad I hadn't said Van Halen, you know? You want to get David Nettie in here? You know, when Van Halen play the belly up, Mike, do you want me to get them in here to see if they'll play Panama? Well, if she comes back into town, I guess we have the in. We do. We have the in. We have the in.
It will happen one day. Incredible. It's incredible. That's okay. It's incredible. Hey, do we have time for Hot Potato? Yeah. Sure. Yeah? 570-1949. 570-1949. Give us a call right now. You're going to either pick Jay or Woods. Loser takes a BB. Don't do this at home, kids. We're professionals. We're professional grown-up little kids. I start today. You started last, right? Right? I don't know. It doesn't matter who starts. It's all luck anyway. It does. You guys ready? You're going to win. Wow. 570-1949. You're going to either pick Jay or Woods to represent you. They're going to give me the plots of movies. I'm going to try to guess what those movies are. And as I guess, they will pass the hot potato back and forth. They want that thing out of their hands. Yeah. So the quicker I get that movie, the better off they are. The last person holding the hot potato is the loser, and they have to take a BB. Now, here's the rule that we made. If the hot potato has left one of their hands, they are the loser. If it's left, I mean, excuse me, the person that is going to catch it, they're the loser. But they have to be done giving their clue. It has to be out of his mouth. That's creepy.
And the hot potato has to be in the air. Let's see. M1 George from San Diego. Who do you want? I'll take Jay, please. Okay. Not real blood, are you? M1 Andy from Vista. You've got Woods. Hang on the line, okay? You got it. You know that. All right. Are you guys ready? Now, it's 60 seconds. We put a 60-second timer on this. And here we go. Marty Scorsese movie takes place in South Boston. Jack Nicholson is a mob boss. Gene Renaud. He's a professional. A hitman. Leon the Professional. Jeremy Renner plays a bomb diffuser. Oh, the Hurt Locker. Keanu Reeves in the future. The Matrix. Yes. Anton Chigurh has a pageboy haircut and he blows people's heads off. No country for old men. Doc. Oh, Tombstone. No, no. He drives a fast car, a Lamborghini. Oh, Back to the Future. Love story. All guys cry at it. I cried at it. I'm sorry, Dave. I can't allow that. 2001, A Space Odyssey. Blah, blah, blah. Twilight. His wife dies. He has a certain car in the garage. And an Asian family moves next door. He hates them at first. Oh, yeah. Oh, I hate that. Monte Carlo. He did this last time. Yeah!
Grand Torino. I can't think of that. It's been one before. Yeah. And I had a hard time with it before, too. That's what got him that before. Grand Torino. I had it. I had it as one of my clues. Rookie mistake. Poor Jay. Grand Torino. I couldn't think of it last time, either. I know. It's a good movie. Yeah, it's a rookie mistake. I mean, Jay, sorry. You should know better. Oh, man. Weird time. So, Woodsy has Old Daisy. Jay's covering his face with a paper plate. Good hit. Woods, you're getting better, dude. Jay was giving him tips on how to shoot this morning now. Woods has figured out old Daisy. Aim high. He told me this morning, you gotta aim higher. Okay. So wherever you're shooting, you gotta aim higher. Got him. Because it loses its speed and starts to go...
Dude, when he got me a couple weeks ago, the one that knocked me to my knees. Yeah. He can shoot anything with that gun. He knows how to use that gun. He's had it since the Civil War. Yes. True. Yeah, he kind of knows it. He took the bayonet off of the front of it from the Civil War. 5701949 is our number. M1 Andy from Vista. Guess what? What's he won for you, buddy? What? You bet. You got it. Hang on the line. Yeah. That's a good one. It's the new one. So check this out. There was a study. This is going to freak people out. So hold on to your hats. There was a study that was just done that found out that there is fecal matter on 72% of something we all use. I read this and went, you've got to be kidding me. I'll tell you what it is next. Welcome.
Sienna, what's going on in the news? Pretty crazy story yesterday on Coronado Island. Very sad. A woman approached two people who were detailing their truck in Imperial Beach, threatened them with a knife. She took the car and there was still a man in the backseat of this vehicle. Went on a wild ride ending in Coronado and actually... The woman who stole the car crashed, rolled. She and the victim inside the truck were both killed. It happened on Silver Strand in Coronado, and it was just a high-speed chase going on yesterday. So it's just such a sad ending. Also, Mariah Carey has publicly apologized. for performing for Muammar Gaddafi. This happened a while ago, and WikiLeaks reported it. Mariah Carey was actually paid a million dollars to sing for the son of Gaddafi in 2006. She's now apologizing, saying that she was unaware.
of who booked it and who she was performing for. Stars just take the money and go. Nellie Furtado gave her money to charity that she received like three years ago when she found out recently. Really? Yeah. And while I'm talking about Gaddafi, President Obama yesterday used some pretty strong language saying that he needs to leave office and that he, quote, lost the legitimacy to lead Obama's pledge to hold Gaddafi and his loyalists accountable. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Sports is brought to you by Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Get some. Get some. The NFL owners and players have extended the deadline for the collective bargaining agreement meetings. It's going to be 11.59 p.m. today. Really? So they have been in there for 18 hours a day trying to hammer this thing out. It is not looking great for them right now, but they have extended the deadline, and it's over at midnight today. Come on. I know. This is a really sad story. A Western Michigan high school basketball player collapsed on the court and died after making the game-winning layup for his high school team. Was driving down the court, made the layup for the win, 57-55. They won. And the students all rushed the court along with the players. Dropped dead. Passed out and died.
Insane. They don't know why. They don't know why. They have no idea why yet, but it's absolutely so sad. Makes the game winner, feeling of elation, and then passes out and dies. That is sad. Very, very sad. Woodsy is going to get Bieber'd, and he's going to Bieber somebody in 25 minutes, put on that Bieber wig, and then he's going to go... Out into the public, and he's going to have a little earpiece in, okay? Never going to see anything like this. I know. It's so good. He'll have an earpiece in, and we'll be on the other end of the phone, and I'm going to tell him what to say. We'll tell him what to say. He's going to say what we say. I'm going to vomit. That'll be great. You're going to do great. Yeah. And you'll have two minutes. Idiot. You'll have to say whatever we tell you for two minutes. Okay. I can do that. I'm done with it. Wait until you see this baby tee that he's going to wear. It was his suggestion. I'll put this on. And then the day comes and he's like, what did I do with this? I was driving in this morning going, just keep your mouth shut. You're always trying to show off. Woodsy, it's skin tight. I'll tell you what. It was meant for Sienna or me.
And it might be a little bit snug, even on a girl. It's a small shirt. It's tiny, like for a high school girl. It's not fitting over those guys. It's not pointed to my boobs, thanks. Wow, wow, wow. Okay, so Sienna, there was a study done, and it showed that there is fecal matter on 72% of what? I don't know about you guys, but how often do you go to the grocery store? A lot. I'm there. You know, like four times a week, it seems. And I'm always pushing around those grocery carts. I always try to grab the little antibacterial wipes that they have because 72% of fecal matter is found on those... freaking grocery cart handles. They did a test and... Oh, wow. Oh, I know. It's the worst. Oh, that makes me sick. Researchers at the University of Arizona actually swabbed the handles of 85 carts in four states looking for bacterial contamination. Yeah, in the end found 72% of the carts had a positive marker for fecal matter and 50% had E. coli. Oh, come on.
Anti-bacterial. That's right. Actually, they say that the shopping cart handles are typically filthier, dirtier than public restrooms. Because public restrooms are cleaned, you know, fairly often. They have to be. And these carts are hardly ever cleaned. It makes me crazy whenever I go to Statler Brothers and they're out of the little wipes. We do. Grin and Barrett, then? Grin and Barrett, yeah. See, I never use those wipes because I always think, like, come on, what are we, a nation of wusses? Like, I can push a cart. Now? It's got poo on it. I'm so surprised that I always use those wipes. I always do it. I spend a while cleaning it, too. I'm not a germ guy, but I still use the wipes. I just give it the once-over. Yeah. Grocery stores are filthy. Because I'm like, eh, the more we use the wipes and stuff, then the more the wipes need to be produced, and that's graceful. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. You will now, right? I guess so. Get doo-doo on there. That or I'll just start growing my own crops. Yeah. Which is possible. I may just buy some gloves and just wear the gloves every time I go. I'd like to see that. You know what you could do? You can order your groceries online. All the main grocery stores do it. I like to go. I like to browse. See what's new. Pick my fruit. People that deliver your groceries also touch those carts. You're not really safe from anything. Maybe you should just wash your hands when you're done.
When you're done getting your groceries? Don't put your fingers in your eyes. You pick up all your food, though, especially your produce after you touch poo cart. You wash your produce when you get home. Lucky for me, I don't eat any fruits or vegetables, so I'm in good shape. You're good to go. There's no poop on my Oreos. Well, you're not in good shape. Trust me. He's so mean. He is so mean. Yesterday, can I pull a curtain back? Absolutely. Oh, boy. I don't like this line. I left early yesterday and I missed everything. Sienna, credit where credit is due. I had to tip my cap. He literally took off his cap and tipped it to Jay. What happened? So we're in here. And, you know, the thing that happened with Woods, Woods was going to be adopting a baby. Yeah. Right. And it didn't happen because the birth mom decided she changed her mind. She was going to keep the baby. The week before. The week before. Not easy. Very considerate. And so. Yesterday we're in here and Woods will do this thing every once in a while. All the time. All the time. I know what you're going to say already. I have to. He'll make a joke. I have to. It skeeves us out. And yesterday he was like, you ever just have a fake kid? You have a fake nursery? You ever do a fake baby shower? And we were like, stop it, dude. You're making us uncomfortable. How do we respond to that?
I have to do it. I know. It's fine. I understand why, but it's uncomfortable. The baby's name, they were going to name the baby Connor. And so he's like, what? You're going to get mad at Chelsea's baby Connor? And I'm like, oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Stop it. And I'm like, Woods. I go, it makes us so skeeved out when you do it. And he goes, dude. And he got real serious, right? Jay's in here. I'm in here. L.O.B.'s in here. Woods gets real serious. And he goes, you don't understand. Okay? I have to force myself to go to bed at night. I have to force myself to wake up in the morning. I have to force myself to eat. And Jay jumps in and he goes, maybe you don't force yourself to eat so much. Or it was either that or it was like, maybe mellow out on the forcing yourself to eat. I think he said, maybe don't force yourself to eat so much. And I mean, it was the timing of it. I think he said you can lay off from the forcing yourself to eat. Yeah, why don't you lay off from the forcing yourself to eat? Slow down. Yeah. Just trying to make it fun. It was hysterical. It was a home run. I wasn't laughing. Yeah, I was. Meanwhile, she is the most inappropriate joker of all time. Now it comes to people's feelings. Oh, my God. Now it comes to people's feelings.
Lauren, you're the first one to laugh at Mikey humor when Mikey says fat short. When he makes fun of himself. Scoreboard doesn't lie. Never has. That's true. Lauren's very considerate. For those of you that don't know, Lauren devastated Al Roker, NBC weatherman. Retail. Simple tweet. She tweeted that she found the chubby Al Roker more likable. Lovable. Lovable. Yeah. And he's lost a lot of weight. And he tweeted her back directly and said, glad my wife doesn't feel like that. And what did Lauren do? Cried. She cried. She's sweet. It's sweet. You ever just make fun of Fat Weatherman? I didn't. No. The point was, I wanted him to be chubbier. You ever just make fun of Fat Weatherman? I wanted him to be chubbier. I still do. Oh, man. We love you either way. I tweeted last night that I, for the record, enjoy the skinny Al Roker better. I bet you do. I do. Oh my gosh, it got me so good.
Every now and then we'll throw out this sharp, well, to me, about my weight, which is badass. But that one, I was like, I threw it right down the middle and you hit it out of the park, my friend. I forced myself to eat. Maybe you shouldn't force it so much. Maybe don't force it so much. I mean, it brought the house down. It did. Scoreboard doesn't lie. That's right. Never has. Hello? Is it strange that we... go to the dentist and then we notice that he has bad teeth. That's strange. My orthodontist wore braces when I had braces. That's not a lie. That's strange. That's a little odd. I'm just really creeped out. You can sympathize though. Is it strange that big dogs are mostly friendly and little dogs bite? It is strange. Napoleon complex. That's right. Is that it? Yep. That's why I bite so much. Stop yelling at us. Screaming, dude. Is it strange that they let kids stars in R-rated movies but don't allow them to see it? Oh, I never thought about that. Yeah. I always think about that like in scary movies and stuff. They're in there. They're in there. They're seeing it. Like sometimes there's crazy.
scenes and stuff too. Naked scenes. It's like, where's the kids during this? I'm not saying that they should see it. I'm saying, well, why are they in it? Why are they in it? Is it strange that you can't breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time? Can't you? No. You can't breathe in your mouth and in your nose at the same time. I can. There's 50,000 people in their cars right now. I can. You can. You can. That one's false. That one's fake. You look really cool doing it. I feel lightheaded. Is it odd or strange that Yankee Doodle named his hat macaroni? A feather in his hat. He had a feather in his hat and he named it macaroni. Why? Why macaroni? Why would Yankee Doodle... named the feather in his hat Macaroni. Because it rhymed. I think Macaroni back in Jay's time meant like Neato. Right. That's true. So Macaroni. That is true. That's what our music teacher taught us back in like second grade. You know, Jay is actually Uncle Sam's uncle. Yeah. Correct. Yep. He calls... Uncle Sam actually calls him Uncle Jay. Right. Which is trippy. You know, Jay used to buy cigarettes for Genghis Khan.
Jay's dad was Father Time. That is a true fact. That is a true story. Jay actually taught Jesus about carpentry. That's true. He taught him. Quick learner. Hey, you're going to smash your thumb if you don't like that. How about some more wine? Now, this next one, I don't know if this is real. I don't think this. Jay will know. Is it strange that we eat eggs that come? From a chicken's butt. But I don't think they do, do they? I think it comes from... Not the butt. I don't think it comes from the butt. It comes right out of the butt. Jay had chickens. He had chickens. Same place that they... Yeah. It all comes out of the same hole. Really? Are you sure? I'm pretty sure. It looks the same zone. I know it looks it, Jay, but maybe... I never got up in there and really did the investigative work, but... I don't think it comes out the butt. I mean, because ours is pretty close again. Didn't you? That's so sick. You're disgusting. You're disgusting. I'm just glad mine slipped by. Wow. Is it strange that Disney World is just a people trap operated by a mouse? Say what? You just blew my mind. You just blew my mind. Oh my gosh. How do you like that, dude? You just blew my mind. But we don't die. We have fun. So how's it a trap?
Trust me, it's a trap. Is it weird that when an atheist goes to court, they make him swear on a Bible? I refuse. No, I don't. No, I don't say it in the Pledge of Allegiance either. I feel like Stephen Wright. Isn't it weird when an atheist goes to court, they make him swear on a Bible? That guy whips me. Is it weird that if something says, do not eat... the package, it becomes extra tempting to eat. Oh, like those little things that come in the bottom of your shoe box? Do not eat? I've put those in my mouth. I hadn't even thought about it. Is it strange that you pay an extra 25 cents to get something put on your hamburger, but they don't take off the price if you get something taken off? That is so rude. Why don't they? Because they're mean and they want to make money. It should be a federal...
Law. Someone was saying they charge 50 cents to take something off. Really? Wow. Yeah, because it's a special order. Some places may do that. Creeps. Yeah, if it's like they want a cheeseburger or whatever, but you ask to take the cheese off, then they charge you 50 cents because everything's already pre-made. Creeps. Who was it one of you guys said last week how the new bit is? Hello and welcome to McDonald's. Oh, you know it was me. Of course it was me. Of course it was me. Yeah. Hello and welcome to McDonald's. Would you like to order the brand new hamburger with onion rings? No. Can I be? Yeah, can I get the number one? It's always a different person. It's a different voice. It's a pre-recording. Do you want to try the new Cafe Culatta? Perhaps try the new Parfait. No thanks. Can I help you please? Huh? What? Can I just have a burger? Just the number one. Dude, I can't understand you. Just give me a number one. I'll be at the window. I'll meet you there. I have five bucks. Meet you there. Can I take your order? I told you, just give me the number one. I want the burger. Whatever comes on, it's fine. I'd like a Coke. I'll see you at the window. If you want to take a number one, you have to come into the restaurant. Why have a drive-thru?
You can take a number one at the drive-thru. I'll see you at the window. I'll be there. I'm not coming in. I'll see you at the window. Don't pee in your car. Don't pee in my car. Number one. Is it weird that we teach our kids the following? Scrub-a-dub-dub. Three men in a tub. There's nothing weird about that at all. I don't think there's anything to change to that. I think it sounds like a freaking party. Who is still saying that? Scrub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub. I haven't said that one yet. I have, Sienna. I have. You haven't said scrub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub? No. Nope. I think I just totally forgot that one. Hey, Dad, just curious. What are those three dudes doing in a tub together? They all fit. Scrub-a-dub-dub. Are they just in there scrubbing and dubbing? Dubbing. Don't dub that. Don't dub it.
Why is a bra singular, but panties are plural? Don't say panties, please. Why? Yeah, you don't call it a panty. Why isn't it your bras? Why isn't it your panty? Or why isn't it pant instead of pants? One pant leg. Yeah, how come it's not your pant? It's a pant leg. Hey, those are nice pant. I like those pant. That pant. Those pant really fit you well. It's like my tweet last night. What do you mean? The one that you retweeted where you called me a creep because I said I was pantsless. Well, no, you didn't. Yeah. No, you wrote the word pantsless, period. Yeah, pantsless. That's it. Your tweet said pantsless, period. But, but, then I thought. No, no, but. Your tweet said pantsless with a period. I was trying to cause a stir. The second part. Oh, you did? Yeah. The second part of it was, what do you call a dog that's in good shape?
Pantsless. She put, oh, I forgot to put the actual joke. What do you call it? I'm like, maybe put the joke before the punchline. Then so many people wouldn't have gone, whoa. Whoa, LLB's pantsless. So, a friend of ours. See you later, Greg Luganis. A friend of ours named April has a four-year-old son. who used to call her babe. Well, that's what dad calls her. Yeah. All right. I stopped her. I stopped him. I said, it's not mommy's name. Babe. All right. Well, hasn't Jake said that before too? Yeah. He called, he, he, what he'll do is he'll stand at the top of the stairs and he'll call, he'll call mommy, you know, mommy, mommy, babe.
She's not responding to mommy, so he'll yell out. She knows that that's what you do when you yell from the top of the stairs. Also pantsless at the top of the stairs, much like Jake. Also in a diaper. Much like Jake. Much like Jake. So anyway, they got him to stop calling her babe. That's good. But unfortunately, he heard someone call her April. So he calls her April. Oh, wow. Well, he's a very stubborn child. Yeah. And April has told her, told him. Mommy's name is not April. Mommy's name is Mommy. He didn't care. April. Every time. He calls her April. You know what he calls his dad? What? Mike. I'm not kidding. He's four. Once she told him, don't do it, he's like, doing it. It's me. It's like a little me. I think that guy's going to be a handful. Yeah. Hey, happy April's Day. They should just. April. April's boy. You just ignore him. The parents should just refer to each other as mom and dad and never say their names anymore so that he'll forget. That's exactly what I said. It's already emblazed on his brain. But if you don't respond when he says it and then you finally make him say mom to get your attention. That's true. My dad always calls his mom her name since he was little he did. Really? This kid will be 25 years old and on Mother's Day he'll write dear April. That's what my dad does. That is so weird.
You've been the best April a kid can have. Yeah. Been the best April I could ever imagine. And you know what? There is no April like you. That is very strange. One of my Little Leaguers the other night called his dad Jim. Wow. And it freaked me out. He goes, I go, where's your dad? And he goes, Jim. I go, oh, God, oh, God. Maybe it was his stepdad. No, it's not. No, but he probably yelled that out. I've done that. In public. Doing a bit. Because 18 dads turn around. There's so many parents around. That's true. You know you're going to get the reaction quicker. That's true. I used to do that to my mom. My mom's name is Joanne. And my dad would call it Joe. And so I'd be like, Mom, Mom, Joe. And then she would come, yeah, look right away. It's the weirdest thing when a kid calls their parents by their name. I would not accept it. You just aren't having it. I would break that child like a horse, you know, when it's a wild child. You've got to break him like a stallion. Break him like a wild bronco. Yep. And you say, listen, you're not calling me Mike. It's not my name. My name's Daddy, and you call me Daddy. I remember my dad went through this phase when I was five where he was trying to get me to call my mom, yes ma'am, say yes ma'am, no ma'am. Wouldn't go for it.
I wouldn't go for it. I was stubborn. Oh, boy. This is my one-and-a-half-year-old, one of my boys. Twin boys, Luke and Ryan. This is the more stubborn of the two. This is Luke. Hi, Mikey. Hi, Mikey. My name is not Mikey. My name is not Mikey. Sorry. Hi, Mike. No. Sorry. Hi, Miguel. Luke, you're Mexican, too. Don't look it, but you are. You don't look like you're Mexican. You got your mom's looks. You got blue eyes. What's my middle name? Your middle name is Christian. I've decided that I'm going to go by Luke Christian. Your name's going to be Luke Christian? I don't look like I'm Mexican. I'm going to drop the Esparza, I think is what he's saying. You're just going to go by Luke Christian. Luke from now on. I'm not Mexican. You're half Mexican. You're 50% Mexican. You're half Mexican. I'm not Mexican. No, no, no. I'm 100% Mexican.
Mexican. You know that. No, I'm not. I don't have any other blood except the full-blooded Mexican. Were you born in Guam? Aren't you part Guamese? Well, no, I'm not. Guamanese. Guamanian would be the word. And no, I'm not. My dad was stationed there. You're a grandfather. Stationed there. Navy. What are you doing? Mike? Call him daddy. I'm working. I'm working. We're on the air. Were you laying brick or building something? No, I'm not. arguing a big case in court today. Oh, or are you saving kids' lives? No, I am trying to entertain. Do you think you're an entertainer like your showbiz? No, I'm just doing a radio show, son. Just trying to put a roof over your head. I have a new hero, by the way. Charlie Sheen. You're doing Charlie Sheen impressions? Yeah, I do a decent one. Charlie Sheen.
It's my one-and-a-half-year-old Luke on the phone. Luke, don't call me that. My name's Dad. Or Daddy. You can call me either one of the two. I'm not a lawyer. No, I'm not a lawyer. It's not the most prestigious job, but it's a good one. We like it. That's not what we do. And don't use that kind of language. You're a year-and-a-half old. What are you talking about, Luke? Luke, have you lost your ever-loving mind? You have? Where are you right now, Luke? Are you in your crib? I'm in my bad egg of the day. Your crib, you mean crib? You sleep in a crib. You're not having a cig. You don't smoke. Don't I? No, you're trying to portray an image that isn't... I don't have Cuban cigars yet. No, I don't. Okay. I'm going to call the authorities. Don't. No. Do not ask that. He gets off with the same. Oh, that's true. So why are you asking if you know? Are you going to clown around at me? Maybe you take something seriously.
Is it a big clown all the time? Luke? Yes, Mike. Daddy. Daddy. You call me Daddy. Dad. Or Dad. I have a meeting today, so I'll be home right after the meeting. All right, Miguel. All right, take a nap, okay? Sure, I will. All right. It's Luke. A little rascal. He was actually, you know, behaved all right for Luke. Yeah, not bad. Wasn't that bad today. Jay gave the strangest break sign right now. Usually Jay. Imitates like breaking something. Right now he gave me jazz hands. He was like, well, I didn't give a hand really high, but somebody said it. I was like, oh, hello. 570-1949 is our number. Oh, boy. And you can text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. Get ready, boy. Yeah, we're there. When we come back, Woodsy will be in a... baby tea, girls' baby tea, a Justin Bieber wig, and he will have a little earpiece in. He's going to go down, he's going to go into business, and we're going to tell him what to say. He's going to have to repeat it for two full minutes. And it's going to be fantastic. Let's hear it from our live studio audience. Hey, let's hear it here in our live studio audience here today. Welcome back. We are going to have...
We're going to have Woods on the line here in just a second. He is about to Bieber somebody. He is dressed as Justin Bieber. And he looked fantastic. Sienna did his makeup. Put on a mascara, a little guy liner. Is it weird that that was like the third time I've done his makeup? Yeah. Oh, wow. I've done Mike's a couple times, Jay's once. Yes, you have. Hey, by the way, I want to let people know that I have a solo deal that I do. That is a podcast that you can download online on iTunes. And it's VOM. It's a Christian podcast. And it's just a solo project that I do. And I do it for my house. And I encourage people to check it out if you're interested in that kind of thing and want to hear me in a different way. And I've even brought some of the characters from my past.
will make an occasional appearance because I'm precluded from using said characters here on FM 94.9. However, a podcast is not covered. Your nephew you may be able to talk about. Maybe my nephew, Beto, can be heard on that. Is it in Spanish or in English? Well, you know, that's an English podcast. It's an English podcast. Spanglish. I mean, listen, it's a fair question. It's a fair question. So anyway, go onto iTunes if you want to hear it. And in the search section, just type in, for podcast, just type in VOM. And you'll see my picture. And you can check it out. Woods is on the line. Are you there, Woods? Yeah. Oh, wow. Where are you? I'm at the grocery store. You're at the grocery store? Yep. And are you near a line? I can be. Okay. As soon as I hear you say hi, I'll know that you're in front of someone. Try to make it over to a place where there is nobody behind you so that you'll have two minutes with them. Is that okay? Absolutely. Okay. As soon as I hear you say hi, I'll begin the timer and you'll have to repeat after me for two full minutes. Are you ready? Waiting for the hi. Good. How are you guys? Been busy lately? What's the big item around here lately?
I heard that today. Hey, can I ask you a question? Can I ask you a question? You guys have good deals on fruit? It's chilly in here. I don't have a card. As you can see, I like fruit. As you can see, I love fruit. Oh, my God. Anyway. Anyway. It's chilly in here. I guess you can see that, too. What's your name? Cool name. Great guy, Miles. You seem like a great guy. This is all good here. What's your seat? You have one minute left, by the way, Woods, just so that you know. I'm going to get a couple more. Okay. I'm going to get some Cheetos. Have you seen Justin Bieber's new movie? Have you guys seen the new Bieber flick? It's in 3D. You haven't? It's in 3D. FYI. Do you like marshmallows? Do you guys have marshmallows? Do you like them? Do you have marshmallows? Is that 14? Do you guys like marshmallows? Hey, if you go see the Biebs' new movie, my suggestion is watch it without the glasses. Yeah.
If you guys do see that movie, the new Beaver movie, make sure to watch it without the glasses. It's a trip. It is a trip. I'm so jealous of Selena Gomez's new girlfriend. I'm so jealous of Selena Gomez's new girlfriend. Who isn't? What's your favorite Beaver song? What's your guys' favorite Beaver song? No favorite Beaver? Not Beaver fans, huh? He just turned 17. He's almost legal. Yeah, he's almost legal. He's killing it. I'm a believer. I'm a believer. I'm sure you can see that. I'm sure you guys can see that. All right, you're done, Woods. You went 15 seconds over. Good job, buddy. Have a good day. Just everything in this one. You just got Bieber'd. You guys just got Bieber'd. No, wow. Oh, that's so great. Wow. Yeah, I never got my money. Leave the wig on when you come back. All right. Thank you, guys. Hey, go Chargers. Go Chargers.
Wow. Holy crap. Woods. Woods. Oh, that was great, dude. That was great. That was great. Say again what he's wearing right now. Describe your outfit. I'm in jeans, boots, and Surf Diva shirt. Here comes the guy. Hold on. Surf Diva baby tee. Baby tee. Skin tight. Skin tight. Showing his belly. His hairy belly. If there's a gym around here. What about a tanning salon? Oh, my. No. Sorry about that. What about a construction site? Okay, that's fine. Peace. Peace. Wow. Woods, come back. I'm all right. All right, thanks. He's such a clown. He's such a clown. The person just laughed in his face. Yeah. The shirt he's wearing is probably like a teenage girl. Girl, small. Yeah, for sure. It's black. It shows his belly, and it says Surf Diva in glitter. With pink. Bedazzled jewels. Yeah. And he's got mascara on and guy liner. Yeah. And a blonde Justin Bieberwig. Bieberwig. Yeah. It's the greatest thing I've ever seen. We should have sent him to Hillcrest. Winning. By the way, thank you to Sushi Popper. Let's hear it for Sushi Popper. Flash frozen sushi from Popper Foods. Now, let me tell you. Who's had it? Me. Me. Me. Sienna said, this is fantastic. Yeah.
I was a little worried, I'm not going to lie. Yeah. It tastes exactly like I just ordered it from a restaurant. Yeah. Exactly. Now, they're doing sampling from 1030 to 3 tomorrow and Sunday at Seafood City in Chula Vista. So good. On Orange Avenue. You can look for it in the frozen section at Seafood City. And they have a website, SushiPopper.com. Let me talk to somebody from the company. What's your name? Go ahead and you got to talk really close to that mic. What's your name? I'm Davin. Are you one of the guys that came up with this idea? The sushi popper concept came up with Lucas and Evan. How would you describe it? It's like a sushi push pop. It's like a push pop. Exactly like that. You take a stick and just pop, pop, pop. And you just eat it. On the go. On the go. In the car, wherever. So easy. It's pretty awesome. But then the other sushi that you guys have is flash, frozen,
sushi right or is it or is it all the same or is it all in the pops or is it different um inside and outside of the tube okay so but if you get it outside of the tube it's flash frozen now you know what everybody's gonna think as soon as they hear that they're gonna go that's gross it's frozen but it isn't how did you get this to stay so good with it being frozen uh lots of research yeah um we basically locked ourselves in a room for three days and didn't come out till we got it really which is fun Yeah. I'm a big sushi fan and I've had the sushi that you can buy at the grocery store like ready to go in that little box. Yeah. And I can't stand it. Yeah. And so I was like, oh, I bet it's going to taste like that. Right. It tastes fresh. Like you bought it at the sushi bar. It just got rolled to you at a restaurant, not at a grocery store. Okay, question. No, it's way better. Okay, so when you get it, do you just let it thaw and you eat it like a certain amount of hours later? What do you recommend? It's best if you set it on the countertop, maybe 30 minutes, 30 to 60 minutes before you're going to eat it. That's it. Yeah. 30 to 60. And it's ready to go. That's pretty awesome. Maybe 60 if it's been as cold as it has been lately. Right, right, right. That's true. But the thing that I thought was, how is this going to work? Because rice has water and it's going to, you know, when stuff freezes, it kind of condenses and there's like chemistry and physics involved.
But you guys somehow figured it out. They're scientists. You guys are scientists. Fresh and good. Science homes. Yeah. They literally are scientists. I asked them. Now, you're not. Oh, boy. Oh, wow. Hi, Helen. Come on in. Give his belly button some love. Hi, Marsha. Oh, wow. I don't even know what I bought. I have no idea. Cheetos. You're not a bad-looking broad. No. Wow. I've been told that before. Not with cans like that. Oh, boy. So much inappropriateness. Apple juice, Martinelli's. Look, he's eating right. That's great. Well, thank you guys for coming in. Oh, thanks for having us. Thank you. It's pretty awesome. Sushipopper.com if you want to know more about it. And you're going to be able to buy this in the frozen section at Seafood City. You can find that. They're going to be there tomorrow and Sunday in Chula Vista, 285 East Orange Avenue in Chula Vista. Good stuff. Thanks, guys. Appreciate that. Appreciate it. Okay, so Woodsy went out, Bieber'd real good. Did you hear what happened? No. I got cash back, walked away, and said, you guys just got Bieber'd. He goes, you forgot your cash back. I had to walk back after I told him I got Bieber'd and get my cash.
What were they looking at you like? Like, I mean, what was the thing? What was the deal? What was their thing? They were mortified. They were mortified. It was a young black man. Pretty sharp dude. Yeah. And then a young white guy named Miles. Yeah. And they were looking at me like, you're insane. Yeah. The people in the store. I saw the florist, the lady that works at the floral park, was on the phone. and was looking at me. With the FBI? Could be with the FBI. Cops may be on their way. To catch a predator is on its way. Yes. I can't wait to get these pictures on facebook.com slash Mikey show. He's supposed to put his finger in his belly button. Gross me out. Use the sanitizer. Stop rubbing it inside of your belly button. Woods, don't. And don't look at LOB that way when you do it.
You have no idea. He's still got his tongue now. It's so weird to see a guy with eyeliner on. I know. With a mustache. He looks like... Sideburns. Well, yeah, because I look at him and I'm like... At the same time, I'm repulsed and think he has pretty eyes. At the same time, I'm like, you have really pretty eyes. And then I'm like, gross. I'm like, oh, look, pretty eyes. Gross. It's weird. When I was putting on his makeup, usually when I put on a man's makeup, like when I do Mikey and Jay's, your eyes flutter because you're not used to it. Woods is perfectly still. No problem. He was very cooperative. No problem. Very cooperative. Very used to it. Very used to it. So I was talking to my wife, Rebecca, about when we were first dating. And I want to ask you guys, do you believe that there is a such thing as kissing etiquette? Please watch closely as I use my lips. That's a recording of Lauren. It's great quality. It's not bad quality. No. It sounds like I'm in a cave. Let's hear it again, just to see. Please watch closely as I use my lips. I think it sounds great. I think it sounds dynamite. Dynamite. I don't think it can sound better. Don't hang me up for that. Jay found that audio. On YouTube. Is that better? Look at Lauren's face. She doesn't like the old clips of her from YouTube. No. I'm taking them off.
I guess it's too late since they're already on the stupid machine. But guess what? Guess who got taught how to use all the equipment? We're going to hide them. Holler. We're going to call them different things so that you don't know what they are. Oh, I'll go through every drop. You know she will. Don't you worry. She probably will. I got backups. There you go. But anyway, is there such a thing as kissing etiquette? And what I mean by that is everybody's different. Now, everything with my wife was perfect. That's why we ended up married. But you have gone through the process where you go, oh boy, somebody needs to go to kissing school. People have different techniques. Yes. I don't like some people's techniques. Me neither. Me neither. Some people are all teeth. Yeah, it's like a... There's one specific technique that I call the ribbit. Yeah. Where I go, are you catching flies? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But that's what chemistry is. That's how you find chemistry. She'll find the ribbit. We'll find another ribbiter. She'll find another ribbiter. And they'll just be... A person can be like a 15 on a scale of 1 to 10. And if they're a bad kisser, it's like, sorry. Yeah, you're a 2 or a 3 now. But you think back on it. And you're like, I wonder whatever happened to Ribbit. Yeah. You know, did Ribbit finally... She found a fly. She found a fly. Yeah. Ribbit found a fly. And the two of them together were like, oh.
Where have you been all my life? Perfect. And if you are... Okay, here's another one. The over-centuator. Oh my gosh. Your cheeks get covered in saliva. I get it. You're Romeo. I don't know that. Just the... Like you're always grabbing her in the back of her head. They've watched way too many movies, you know? They've watched way too many movies. They are Leo DiCaprio, you're Kate... Winslet. Winslet. Winslet can't even look at Lauren. What's he doing? The first time I French kissed someone, the guy told me I've been watching too many movies. The first time? She was four, by the way. No, I played spin the bottle in sixth grade. I was... Terrified. I didn't know what to do. And the guy said, you've been watching too many movies? Yeah, he goes, you're not supposed to do that. You're like, easy Tom Selleck. Lord, it's devastating. She just had been. Just open and close. It was like a.
That's all I was doing. You got like a dummy's mouth. I just figured that. It's like somebody's ventriloquist is operating a dummy. I just figured that he would lead me. I was like, oh, it'll be like, you know, he'll just lead me and I'll follow his lead. Be like dancing. I just started opening and closing my mouth like they did in the movies. Have you ever kissed somebody? Have you ever kissed somebody and they've got Julia Roberts syndrome? Bass mouth? What? What? Bass mouth. You didn't have to make it so mean. I mean, bass mouth is kind of. In her defense, the last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it. It's okay. I think she's doing pretty well for herself with her bass mouth. I would make out with her in a heartbeat. I think people like that. So you like the big mouth? Angelina Jolie. Angelina Jolie. She's got big lips, but I don't know if she has a big mouth, does she? I like that. You know what they say about big lips. Big mouth. Lots of chapstick. They do say that. That has been said. Have I missed one? 5701949? You missed the one that goes in and just straight for the... Straight for the... No! Just straight, like, hard Frenching. Hardcore Frenching. The hard Frencher. Yes. Because I'll French with the best of them, but you've got to lead up to it. You have to, like... Ew, ew, ew! Oh, weird! With your... Ew!
Makeup on Woods? So creepy. Listen. You without that eye makeup would have been tough. Yeah. But you with eye makeup on. Oh my gosh. You look terrifying. Yeah. And a backwards baseball head on and a baby tee. Do we have any makeup remover? No, I'm going to leave it. I'm going to leave it. I like it. I'm going to wear it to the meeting. It'll teach them to have a Friday meeting. Yeah. You're going to get the best bits in my bag if you call a Friday meeting at noon. Do you think they'll have an issue if you were to come like that? That's just the way he is. Yeah. They can't tell me that I can't wear makeup. Yeah. The stat comes that way. I wonder what my baby Sage will think of you when she gets here. She loves me. Mama! Oh, wow. Stop crying. Sienna has to bring her child to the meeting today. I do. How old is Sagey? Six months. Yeah, she's coming to the meeting. We have a... Sienna and I have same size breasts now, so... Yeah. Shouldn't be a problem. Yes, I'm feeling rather inadequate. As you should. To Bieber. Bieber. Oh, my God. That's going to be my new bit. M1 Anonymous from San Diego. You there? Yeah, hey, how you doing? Good. So, I had to change my M1 name in there because I think my wife might be listening. Why? Did she do whatever you're about to say?
No, it's, you know, I don't want to talk about ex-girlfriends and you guys know her and you know me. And we know the ex-girlfriend? Yeah. Oh, wow. You know my wife. Oh, Fred, how are you, dude? Oh, yeah. Hi, John. I don't know. I don't know who this is. Anyway. Anyways, I dated this girl a while back who used to freak me out. She used to lick all of my teeth. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. On purpose? And that's weird? What's wrong with that? Dude. You got her number? M1 Anonymous. That's so good. M1 Anonymous. Yes, sir. The first time she did that, did you jump back? He's like, just pose smiling. Yeah. Stay still. Yeah, I was like, oh, what the, hey, what's going on? Well, you know. Did you discuss it with her? No, it was still early on, and it was kind of like a couple-week sling thing, and, you know, it was over pretty quick. That may be the grossest, weirdest thing I've ever heard. Did she get your molars, too? Not kidding. Not kidding. All the way around. It was very strange. Ew. You're like, listen, I'm not an orangutan. Yeah, seriously. I was like, easy, anteater. Yeah. Easy hard part. Yeah.
No need for dental floss anymore. You're creepy, dude. Thanks for the call. Oh, I got one. What? The lip biter. You ever get a lip biter? Like the real... And you're like, oh my God! Ow! I've got a couple lip biters. Pretty good acts playing at Del Mar Fair this year. They just released it. Really? Pretty good acts. We'll tell you who next. I'm going to tell you who the acts are at the Del Mar Fair this year. They're pretty good. Let's hear it in our live studio audience that we got in here today. Word of the day is zapato. So when I say that word between now and ten, caller number nine will get a four-pack of tickets to the Nationwide Series from NASCAR. G-Love tickets and a pair of sunglasses. Pretty good stuff. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And it's Kross. It's Kross. We're going to be doing the Dead Arm Challenge here in just a minute.
Sienna, what's going on in news? A California judge has ordered Target to pay $22.5 million for illegally disposing hazardous waste at stores throughout the state of California. All 25 Target stores in San Diego County were involved in this. Some of the hazardous wastes they mention are oven cleaners, pool chemicals, and hair coloring. This is back in 2002 that this happened. That's a lot of money, $22.5 million to be paying. Oh, yeah. Also yesterday, U.S. officials have received proof that Robert Levinson, he's a retired FBI agent who actually vanished inside Iran four years ago, they've received proof that he's alive. The State Department issued a statement yesterday. They basically said that there were indications, not saying how they heard it, but indications that he is in Southwest Asia and asking for help. He was working as a private investigator looking into cigarette smuggling when he disappeared in Iran. He's 62 years old. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? I've got some Padres updates for you. Brace yourself. This one might make you queasy a little bit. Their bench coach, Rick Renneria, taken to the hospital yesterday after being struck in the face by a line drive, hit him right in the mouth. Oh, my gosh. This is what got me. Oh, no. This is what got me.
It caromed off a protective screen, hit a screen, hit him square above the lips. His teeth were pushed back. He will require reconstructive surgery. Oh, that hurts. Ow. Hearing. Oh, dude. I read it and I went. Would you rather your teeth get pushed back or break? I don't know. Neither. Neither. Neither. Neither. A ball. I feel like break is easier to repair. A ball right here. Question. Is brutal. Full speed. Line drive baseball? Oh, no. Or full speed line drive golf ball? Baseball. Baseball all day. So golf ball to the face or baseball to the face? Baseball. I've taken a baseball to the face. Not that bad. And it was coming full speed? Yeah, off a guy's bat. Oh, my gosh. Would you have done that? I was pitching one time. It was my first time when I went back in the semi-pro league.
You're not in the semi-pro. Yeah. I was on the mound. My dad came to watch me pitch. And I'm standing there. I'm like, finally, man. Back in playing baseball instead of softball. Just paid my 125. Just paid my 125. I'm good to go. Right. I reach back. I throw a fastball down the middle. Guy hits it up the middle. Hits me right in the rib on a line. He hit it. And when it goes up the middle, that means you got it. Yeah. Perfect. Hit me right off the gut and the rib. Yeah. I wasn't this fat guy. And knock me to the ground. It hurts. I've taken balls that bounce once, hit me square in the face on the mound. So you don't mind balls in your face? I knew that was good. He's used to it. I heard the wind up. He's just sitting there waiting. He's like. Yeah. So a golf ball. If I ever hit a baseball and it hits you in the face. Oh, yeah. It's skipped once off the ground, then hit me in the face. Hit me in the teeth. Hit me in the mouth. If it went straight from the. Bat to your face, it would kill you. It could. It could. I can show you videos. You probably don't want to see them. I don't. When I played softball, it was a girl pitching underhand, so it's not as crazy. But they still throw hard. But I got hit in the mouth and I had braces. Oh, that must have hurt. Hey, softballs are not soft either. I had cuts inside my lip. Were you a tough chick or were you kind of a softy? I was such a wuss. You were a wuss? Yeah. I acted tough, but I wasn't ever. Did you cry?
Yeah. I got a helmet with a mouthpiece after that. I couldn't even act off. It's traumatized. Don't give me that look, Woods. A lot of girls had the mouthpiece on the helmet. Mouthpiece on the helmet? It was like a plastic shield. It's a cage. It's the worst. Shut up. Oh, I know what you're talking about. It's the worst. My kid can take one in the chin and I'll be like, you're not wearing a shield. I'm a girl. Sienna, it's cute. Yeah, you are a girl. That's true. A lot of girls had them. Yeah. Don't let your kids do this. Well, a girl, yeah, right? A girl. It braces. Have you had a girl you wouldn't learn? No. It's a girl. You look like a ball player when you're out there. I don't care if you're a girl. Oh, my gosh. Girls are wearing little shorts. It's a different. It's true. Ponytail holder in the hat. Helmet with a ponytail holder. Helmet with a ponytail holder. It's true. Also, Heath Bell is back to action. He had a strained calf earlier. He will make his first appearance today. Nice. Friend of the show, Heatho. Yes, he is. In fact, he's one of the people that are a part of BeDifferentPact.org. We have bracelets that are available for you, so if you want one, go to BeDifferentPact.org. BeDifferent is something that I started to – it's a bracelet that reminds you that we can be different and make a difference, and it's just treating people differently and kindly and nicely.
My inclination is to not, you know. Did you read my be different moment that I had yesterday? Oh, such a good story. Woodsy helped a neighbor to get their dog. Sure did. In my socks. I was in my socks and I went searching for this neighbor's dog. You're a hero. I was. He was telling me this story this morning and he said that he spotted the dog from far away and he had. The dog was scared, so you have to run and catch the dog because he doesn't know words. I didn't want to let her out of my sight after I spotted her. I couldn't. I was like, I got her. Now I'm going to get her. And I ran up a hill, up the San Alejo Hills at about 100 miles an hour in socks. There was another dude. There was a runner. There was another dude that was running, and I'm fat and slow. And I sprinted past him. Like he was standing still. I was like... Running up this... And we got... It sucked. We got... It sucked. Oh, wow. It was... Jamie goes, what the hell got into you? I was like, I wanted that dog. The dog took his Twinkies. Yeah, yeah. The dog grabbed my co-host. So I chased her under a car.
I chased her under her car. She was really scared. Yeah. I got down on my chest. Bear chest. Not bear chest. Come on. Ridiculous. And got her out to her mother and saved her. With your socks on. With my socks on. It's crazy. Were you wearing jeans? I was wearing jeans. Look at you. Wow. I felt really good because her little girl had left the gate open. Yeah. Just picture her laying there bawling. What kind of dog? A Bichon Frise. What is that? Oh, they're white, little fluffy, adorable. So sweet. Yeah. I felt good about myself. I'd never met this neighbor. Didn't know who she was. She was walking going, Lucy, Lucy. I go, did you lose your dog? She goes, yeah. I go, I'll find it. And Jamie came out and said, what are you doing? He said, lost dog. She's like, I'll be right there. And they did it. I love it. Just like that. Yeah. We were trying to be different. Little Lucy. Yeah, I don't know this neighbor. She lost a dog. I went out and helped. I was running up the street. You're more like be hero than be different. I was trying to be different. Old woods would have been. I was blasting a cig outside. I would have been like, that sucks. Let me know if you find her. You know? Let me know if I can do anything. I don't know about that. When it comes to dogs, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, but it felt good. It felt good to help her. She was really sweet. Dead arm challenge? Anybody? Let's do it. Let's do the dead arm challenge. Okay, now, the way that it works is.
It's the closest two, okay? L.O.B. is going to have some questions for us. And, Sienna, are you ready to pull the first two names? The first two names that you pull, it's either me, Woods, or Jay. And the first two names that you pull are going to be the people that have to participate in the Dead Arm Challenge. Now, the way that it works is that L.O.B. asked us the question, and we have to come the closest to the correct answer. The person that loses. Takes a dead arm. And let me tell you something. Both Woods and I fear Jay. We don't want Jay. He punches like a mule kicks. It's true. Freakish strength. Okay. The three names are in this basket. Yep. Stir it up. I got a bad feeling. It's going to be Jay. I have the first name in my hand. And it's Jay. And it is... Woods. Woods. Woods did it again. While he's still wearing makeup from his beaver thing. All right. You got to save your strength. Don't punch the door. I'm not lying. You ever just get abused on your show? Okay. I have the second name in my hand. It's freaking Jay. It's Jay. It's Jay. Woods, you already beat Jay at one game today. Maybe he'll beat him again. I'm so happy. Woods, let me tell you. So last time we did this, you know, a dead arm is just a punch.
To the arm. And let me tell you, the last time we did it, we were going to do it again. And Woods goes, I'm not ready. And we go, what do you mean you're not ready? He goes, dude, he showed us he had this giant bruise from the last time that Jay had punched him. Jay hits hard. Then I got three by you. I got three by you the next day. I was like, we can't do this for a while. Yeah. Okay. So. Well, the good news is if you just answer the trivia right, you'll be okay. You'll be fine. Just don't hit me in the face. You'll do great. Oh, wow. Here we go. Maybe I don't want to play anymore. Oh, wow. Okay. So Jay is going to go first since Woods went first in the last game. No, actually, Mike went first last time. Oh, in the last game. Last game. Last game you guys played. Ever complain? Age before beauty? At the last Grammy Awards, how many nominations did Eminem have? At the last Grammy Awards, how many nominations did Eminem have? Two. Woods? Five. Correct answer is ten. Yes! Woods gets to punch Jay. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Put the microphone. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hang on. Can't wait anymore. All right. Here we go. Not in the face, though. I know you want to slip away. Woods is so excited.
Oh, gosh. I didn't get a good one. Damn it. It seemed like he got you so right in the back. He got in the back. Remember when you punched me in the wrist? Punched somebody in the wrist. Mikey got me in the wrist last time. It hurt so bad. Bone on bone. In the wrist? He got me in the wrist the first one. I was like, ah. Because he was clenched up like that. Oh, because he had his wrist up to his arm. Okay. Are you ready? Next question. Oh, he's going to hurt when he hits me. Next question. Next question. Now you go first. Okay. Now let's go first. What year did The Terminator come out? Jay would have been 60. So that would be, I'm going to say 84. Okay. I'm going to say 87. The correct answer, 1984. Oh, yes! What day? What day? Hold on, hold on. I'm going to get my hips into this one. Oh, boy. Why is your other arm? I like one arm. Because I didn't even. I like one arm. Hey, hey. Put the microphone. Put the microphone. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. That was pretty good. That might have broke the bone. Chances it hurt me more than it hurts. Yeah, we're pretty good. Last one. It hurts me. It hurts me. I got to get one right. I want to get one hit in. Last one. Final question. The oldest president to be elected into office was Ronald Reagan. How old was he when he assumed office?
62. Woods. I'm going to go with 65. Correct answer, 69. Yes! Yes! I thought you would have known that. Why do you say, Jay, you really like this? Oh, creepy. Just for the entertainment value, I kind of wanted Jay to get that. I did too. I was pulling for him. Okay. I'm going to flex. It's going to hurt your hand. I know. I hope it breaks your wrist. It's really scary. Wow. Wow. I felt that one real good. Oh, my gosh. Let me see your arm. Let me see your arm. Oh, my gosh. That dude's built like a brick S-house, dude. I'm serious. That hurt my hand. He's got triceps of steel. Oh, my gosh. He's 47 years old. I know. Dang, I want to get one in there. Woods, you are the luckiest man. Yeah. On the face of the earth. On the face of the earth. Lou Gehrig thought he was. You are. He could have punched you three times. Dude.
When he hit me last week, it knocked me to my knees. I mean, he punches hard. Let him punch you once, Mike. No. I've had it done. Let him punch you in the head. Let him punch you. No. In the neck. In the throat. Straight in the throat. The first one's free, the next one goes in your mouth. Wow. Okay. I don't understand, guys. This text is going to be read because I can't understand it, but you tell me. Hey, Mikey, my wife's always buying lingerie. That stuff is expensive and I don't really like it. How do I tell her that I think it's a waste of money? M1 Mr. Man. First of all, you're nuts. Second of all, how do you tell her? Maybe you just tell her. You say, you know, babe, it's not my thing. If it isn't your thing. Might be too late now. Todd's told me that. He said that laundry. He's not a fan of laundry. He'd rather just not be there. I'm not a fan. I told my wife it's my thing. I like it. I'm not a fan. But what if it's her thing? What if it makes her feel sexy? Not all about you guys. Yeah, but all that's going to happen is it's going to come right off. Well, what if she likes it momentarily?
Yeah. It is expensive though. It is. Is it really? Not that I would know. For like one seat on the rack when I'm looking for stuff. For like one pretty thing if you go to a Victoria's Secret or something, over a hundred bucks. Are you kidding? Oh yeah. Silky, like it's expensive. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is that like a hundred dollars for a bra and panties? Yeah. It's like a set. It'll come. You don't want to wear a bra and panties. That's not really like lingerie. You want to wear something like a little nightie or something cute. And that's $100? Over $100, yeah. Easily. It's the same with bathing suits. The things that have the least amount of fabric cost more. I don't understand. What is up with that? Bathing suits are like $200. Ridiculous. For a bikini. Are you kidding? Yes. You guys have no idea. Hey, Woods. Do you know that? Yeah. You knew that a bikini was $200? Yeah, they can be. You can get them at cheaper places. The board shorts I wear are like $70. So, I mean, they're going to be more expensive for a girl. Look how much more material yours is. That's true. $70 and $200, dude. I know. If I went to buy a pair of swim trunks and they were $200, I'd be like, I'm making my own. There you go. Take a pair of 501s and cut them. I went to a very popular bikini place in Mission Beach, and the top and the bottom were $90 a piece. Did you get it? You should bring it in. Oh, gosh. I said...
I was like, oh, hey, wow, that's a lot. That's what we thought. I think that a woman, I am more turned on by a woman in a bikini than naked. I love a woman in a bikini because she's sleeves. See, I can get behind that. I know. Sexy. It leaves something in the imagination. That's why I always hit on the waitresses at the strip clubs when I used to go because I thought they were prettier because they had clothes on. Make you work for it. Yeah. I get that. More to the imagination. Yeah. And plus, you have a better chance as a waitress. Yeah, but if it's your, if you already know your chances are 100%, wouldn't you rather? Nice little cotton t-shirt. No, I was extrovert repellent, so it didn't work. Cotton t-shirt? Yeah, you could have just like a t-shirt on, a little cotton t-shirt. Where do you find that? Where are they walking on? Places I go, they'll wear like Ricky Rudd. I'm just saying your wife could fall. Like your wife goes to bed with your t-shirt on. Jeff Gordon, Jeff Gordon. I think a turtleneck and a nice pleated skirt. Yeah. Maybe like, you know, what those Arab women wear over their head. Burkish. Burkish. Burkish. Burkla. Like Jessica Tandy in Driving Miss Daisy. Now that is a sexy outfit. Sexy woman. Sexy woman. Yeah, period. Hopefully collars are where I'm at.
The old woman from Titanic at the beginning. Oh, Rose. Old Rose. She'd show you a trick or two. When she takes her hair down. Oh, man. Silvery, wiry hair. It gets me. It gets me every time when she takes her hair down. Oh, no. Mike, it's all right. Wrong one. Pick up your paper. You don't need to throw it down. Wrong one. That's so disgusting. He didn't mean to push that. I didn't mean to push that. What did you mean? I meant to push. Do we really want to know? No, I don't. No, I don't. Or in my case. I'm just going to go for a swim. That's the thought of that. Hey, Michael Phelps. It's me down at the YMCA just taking dives. See you on the high dive. Not a diver. Said to Rebecca yesterday. I go, you ever just have fat pouring over the side of your jeans? And she goes, yes. And I walked over to her and I go, I would give anything. I looked at the side. First of all, I can't see what she sees. I don't see anything pouring over the side of her jeans. And she goes, you don't see what I see. Which I've heard someone else say that, by the way. I'm like, they say the same stuff. She goes, I say to Rebecca, I go, you don't have anything.
There's nothing porn over. She goes, yeah, there is. There is. She goes, you can't see it. I mean, not on Rebecca. On Rebecca? Gosh. No, no. I mean, if we say there is, there is. Easy, Al Roker. That is her kryptonite. That is her kryptonite. Finally, it only took a year and a half. I know, to find it. LLB just can't stand Al Roker. She hates him. He despises him. All the hard work he put in. He's too skinny. He's like Kate Moss. He looks like Kate Moss. He looks like an emaciated model. Emaciated, high fashion model. Unfortunately, his wife doesn't agree, LLB. They actually had this conversation on Twitter. She and Al Roker. When she ruined his life. Possibly his career. I went to his page. He's calling out other people. I bet he walked up to Amir right after you sent him that tweet. He looked at his butt. He's got an appointment today for consultation for a butt implant. He's getting fat put back into his body. He's eating pudding all day. He does follow Bill Cosby on Twitter. Chances are.
That's so strange that you would know what Bill Cosby and Al Roker are up to. Hey, what's Ty Diggs up to? Hey, did you see Mekhi Pfeiffer's latest tweet in L.O.B.? I missed it this morning. But I'll get the blast. Yeah, I checked out LeBron though. That's right. Jay-Z. If I had the kind of fat that you women talk about, the first thing I'd do is get in my car and drive as fast as I can to Burger King. Yes. Immediately. Yeah. I'd be like, ah, cool. Like every other Monday then. Oh, wow. Friday. Mikey, to your defense, it is Friday. You only go to Burger King on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Okay, okay, okay. With me. It's funny because he's fat. Wait, wait, wait. Wow. Let's get in really good shape and beat him up. Beat him up. I want to get in really good shape. Not that bad. I don't really want to. I wish you could just snap your fingers. I really don't either. You guys are able to be chubby and lovable. We're not. Oh, thank you. Chubby and lovable. I wasn't saying you two specifically. When you pointed at both of them and said, you guys. I mean, men. Girls are still just as attractive to a guy if he's a little chubby. Guys are not. No, no, no, no. My wife would never admit this. I can almost guarantee you. At this point, she's like, listen.
It was four pounds ago. You need to do... This is what's happening in her mind. I'm sure she... It was four pounds ago, pal. You got to do something. Make it right. Make it right. This is repulsive. And I can't do it. I can't either. It's so hard. She's giving me every hint in the world. I'll walk in the room. She's doing push-ups. Oh, my God. She's doing crunches. It's so hard. I mean, we wake up early. It's exhausting. You're tired. You know, you just want to go to sleep when you get home. You know what worked for me? Spaghetti and a nap? No. Looking in one mirror to see the backside of myself. It doesn't bother me. Oh, the backside of me bothers me. Not me. I got a great ass. I don't care. This is the problem. It doesn't bother you when you see... His stomach is out once again. Maybe you do have a great butt. All I'm saying is... Oh, wow. Wow. No, I didn't mean it. No, no, no, no. Thanks, buddy. I don't know why you said that. I didn't mean it. His beautiful eyes. He's got a great butt. Yeah. I'm just saying, dude. Just a couple dudes. I'll turn around, I'll look in the mirror. Yeah, rub-a-dub-dub. More than likely. I'll turn around and I'll look in the mirror and I'll go, it literally looks like someone has baked a bran muffin out of my jeans. Why a bran muffin? Muffin top. You're right. A more fattening muffin. Blueberry. I just meant because it was a brown muffin. Does it make you hungry?
Do you have buckshot on your legs? Do you have buckshot? Why don't you just leave me alone? I'm asking because I have some on my belly. It's not even funny. Stop it, LFB. She's covering her face with paper. She's laughing. I look and I go, I wish I could turn the oven off because it keeps, you know. Expanding. It's rising. It's rising. The yeast is just floating inside you. It's just, okay, it's done. Stop. You know, like this muffin is done cooking. I wish someone would just find a way to make healthy food so good. Just make it taste so good. Like these, Cheetos. Like brown rice. Make it taste good, like fried rice. Yes. You just need to change your way of thinking. Stop it. I'm 35 years old. I wish that I had a side door, and when I opened it, Frog's Gym was there.
I'm too fat and lazy to drive to a gym. Drive. Drive. Drive to a gym. Write that down. My gym is about three blocks from here. And I've been four times. And then the other part of it is. Three times. I think to myself, when I get there to the gym, I have to walk inside. Yeah. You get the closest parking spot. Yeah. You ever so fat. You want to get as close to the gym park as possible. Then it's mortifying when you go inside and there's these good-looking dudes and girls. You're on a treadmill and your boobs are bouncing up and down. You're like, God, don't look at me. It's the worst. They're looking at you and they're like, there's a guy that'll be here for two days. 100%. There's a two-week guy. There's a guy going through something. Yeah. He just broke up with his girlfriend. Oh, stop. There's the guy that's girlfriend just cheated on him and he'll be here for two weeks and then we'll never see him again. He'll cry, get back together with her and get fat again. Yeah, get fat. You ever so fat you take the elevator up to your second story? Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. You ever so fat you take the elevator to the second floor? Regardless of what it is? Yes. Regardless of what it is. I don't take the stairs. My legs start to burn. My shrink.
My shrink is on the second floor. I take the elevator. Mine too, and so do I. Here's a chance to burn a little. Mikey, when I went. You're so mean, Jay. I'm just saying. I went surfing with Jay about two weeks ago, and we went to this place. And I'm not kidding. There are 400 stairs back up to your car. Oh, yeah, yeah. 400. And I, by the time I got to the top, he was waiting for me. And he was like, all right, we're going to take off. I couldn't even talk. My legs were shaking. I was like, I was trying to play it off. I got to my car. Your knees are buckling. I got to my car. I pulled out an old. bottle of water from, like, baseball practice? I was like... I want a ski lift there that you can toe your board on. Woods opens his glove compartment, pulls out a whopper. Therein lies the problem. Maybe. Little by little, you guys. It doesn't happen overnight.
Spoken like a true skinny person. Yes. Well, I wonder why that is. In shape. I choose the stairs. You shouldn't like the word skinny. In shape. Choose stairs. Choose whoppers. That's my new campaign. Tastes real good. Why don't they just make a fast food place that you could drive through? There are no healthy drive-thrus. Nope. Get a chicken breast and brown rice at a... Fast food place. I'd go there. Would I? You know why? Because we don't want to get out of the car and walk. Yeah. America ever fatter? Yeah. Did we say the acts that are going to be at the Del Mar Fair? Go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Switchfoot is the head of the lineup. It's actually a... Free show. Switchfoot. Oh, wow. Free with fair admission. They're going to be performing June 17th at the Delmar Fair. First, let me just say that the fair opens June 10th. Open for 22 days. Also, Bruno Mars is going to be performing June 11th. Melissa Etheridge, Mikey, June 18th. What? I'm not a Melissa Etheridge fan, Mikey. You have a Melissa Etheridge t-shirt on right now. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh. Willie Nelson's Country Throwdown, June 23rd. Come Together 2011 with Mercy Me and Third Day, June 24th. Travis Tritt and the Charlie Daniels Band, June 28th. Also, some more free acts of the fair. Pat Benatar. Neil Giraldo. The Beach Boys. Doody Brothers. Randy Travis. Larry Hernandez. Neon Trees. Neon Trees. REO Speedwagon with the Navy. Do it. Band Southwest. Take it on the run, baby. If that's the way you want it, baby. The theme for the fair this year is race to the fair. Yeah. We should do the same thing. Theme of the fair is come make your butt bigger. Yeah. Because I'm going to need to. Wish I had a camera for that face you just made. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, who do gurus? How about that? Let's see. Oh, by the way, we just asked our friend Jared. Jared. Jared. Over at portraitprince.net to do another one for us. Got a picture that we're going to have him do. What he'll do is he'll take a... I'm doing it too. I was going to email him today. It's fantastic. You take a photo and he will make it look like a portrait done with oil painting. It's amazing. It's high end. Good stuff.
It's really, really good. And so I'm telling you, man, go to portraitprince.net, check it out. And also, Woods and Jay are playing golf on Monday. Bidding ends at 10. Is that right, Jay? 10 o'clock. Okay, so if you want to play golf with Woods and Jay for charity, go to mikeyshow.com. It ends at 10. This is M1 Oscar on the 15. And what was the word of the day, Oscar? Nice listening. Good job. There you go. There you go, bro. You know, that tiger's blood, I'm telling you, man, that stuff is very powerful. Oh, yeah. Charlie Sheen. Never change your stride. Scoreboard, Charlie Sheen. Wow. Does not contain actual tiger blood. Certain restrictions may apply. To quote the great Allen Iverson, you know what's going on. Guys, we're talking about practice. You got magic or money? I missed practice. Look at me. I'm a frickin' rock star.
haven't seen the show two and a half men never seen it but john crier's on it and uh well now the cast is out of work They're not doing a lot. And so John Cryer made an appearance yesterday on Ellen where he was her receptionist. Hey, John, how's it going? One second. Ellen DeGeneres Show. Oh, tickets go to ellentv.com. Okay, thanks. Messages? Oh, yeah, just one. Thanks so much. You really do good work. You do the work of two and a half men. I say that every time. Okay, well, thanks for being here. I appreciate it. You know, I needed the work. Ellen DeGeneres Show. That's great. Good sport. Yeah.
I wonder how much they are losing by not being able to be on. That will be his final appearance on TV. I mean, seriously. A little ducky from Pretty in Pink. Poor dude, man. Right? I mean, the whole cast. I guess they're going to pay him for four episodes. They're going to pay the cast for four episodes, but that's it. They were supposed to do eight. Charlie's fighting for eight. Their show's had a long run, though. Yeah. I mean, they're going into the ninth season. But, I mean, they're just like, hey, dude. If you could just get your act together, we could do this another five years probably. What if they settled it all? You're a loser. And it comes back on? If they come back on, everyone would watch just to see how it goes. You're a loser. I'm a winner. Could be the best PR thing they've ever done. Maybe we'd get our stuff together so we could go back on the show and make some money. I'm going to stay here with the goddesses. I understand that, but there's other people that are involved. You've seen them? They're smoking hot. I understand they're smoking hot. Well, there's two of them, first of all. You've got to understand it's not just one. I'm going to hang out with these two. Smoking hotties. Exactly. I have a question for you, Charlie. Fire away, Charlie. Why did you say smoking like that? I was high as a kite. Makes sense. Enough said. Okay, winning. You already said that. Hello? Enough said, then you said five more words. Hello? Enough said. I know. You said enough said. Hello? You said more. Hello? Enough said. Hello? Winning. This is me not on drugs, bro. Drug tests don't lie. Wow.
You hold on to anything that may be worth something. Any of us have anything that may be worth something we've had? It's kind of stupid, but we still have it. What are we going to do with it? I still have beanie babies. No, you don't. I have troll dolls. You have them. I have beanie babies as well. As well as their little heart-shaped T.Y. tags. You can get protectors for those. I don't have that, but I have all of my T.Y. tags. Yeah, we took them off, though, and put them in a little box. Yeah, I have mine in a little bag. They'll be worth something. No. They will be. They won't be. They will be? They won't be. Yeah, they will be. I have some of the collectors. And then what? I have a turtle named Speedy. They didn't make many of them. Catchy. They didn't make many of them. Question. You say they'll be worth something. They will be. Will you get like a memo that says, okay, it's time. Now's the time. No, you just feel it out. Later on. The market. Have you been feeling the marketplace out? You feel out the market. You think, is now the time to look out? Hold is what I read. Do people want to buy now? I don't know. They don't now. It's not time now. Collectively, your collection, which is a large collection, worth $8. There's a chart. It goes up and down. You can't follow it. I'm not kidding. I have about $40.
Probably worth about $40. What magazine is that? Dorks Unlimited? No, no, no, no. It's collectors. I've been saving them since I was in sixth grade, which is when they were at the prime. Three years ago? Yeah, last year. We have like 150 L.O.B. Top people? I don't have the troll dolls. You still do? They're in my parents' crawl space, which means they probably have mouse poop and spider webs all over them. Now, I don't know these troll things, but is that Beanie Babies? No. Do your trolls have the gemmed stomach? They had everything. The crazy pink hair. I used to have a bookcase in my bedroom, and I took all the books out, and it was completely lined with troll dolls. That's terrifying. How much were they? Oh, they were pretty expensive. They ranged from, you could get one that went on the end of your pencil, which was like, you know, five bucks or something like that. And then you could get one that had the body of like a Cabbage Patch Kid, which was like 30 bucks. Maybe somewhere down the road, people that are, you know, nostalgic, they're like, oh man, I want those. That's when they're worth something. That's the hope. Now they were, the original trolls came out in like the 50s or 60s or something like that. And they made a resurgence. So the hope was.
hold on to the troll wearing pajamas, and with pink hair everywhere, hopefully it'll be worth something one day. Now, I wonder if my photo album with a bunch of Jaws 2 playing cards, that's right, you know, the same type like baseball cards, only for the movie Jaws 2, will be worth anything at some point. You need to put those in the acid protective paper. Yeah, of course. Because they're not worth anything unless, of course, they're in. Yeah. Mint conditions. You don't want them to be yellow. So at some point, you know, there's going to be a Jaws 2, not a Jaws 3 or 1. Not the original. Not the original. Jaws 2 enthusiast that'll be like, where can I get my hands on some playing cards? Oh, my. I can't believe someone actually made those. Oh, yeah. Do I have any new Jaws 2 cards now? No, we don't. We're out. You bought them all.
Because you get the free piece of gum in it. You know that. That's right. We're all out, though. Little Mike. Can you call me when you get more? Of course I will. Of course I will. Get a girlfriend. My brother-in-law who lives in Pennsylvania in his attic has one of those old Mickey Mouse, like the oldest of the oldest of Walt Disney's Mickey Mouse. There's no sound black and white of Mickey Mouse like on a boat. It was like some scene. Yeah, he still has that. And Todd, since he's a lot older than me, watched that with his brother in his room on like a projector against the wall. And it still works and he still has it. And it's like, I bet they don't. No, that's worth something. That's worth something. That's actually worth something. I know. holding on to it. I mean, it's in perfect condition. That's, I believe, somebody will correct me if I'm wrong, that little thing you're talking about was like the first motion picture. Yeah. There's no sound. What do they call those things? Steamboat Willie. Steamboat Willie. There you go. Thank you. Well, Jay should have known that. He drew it. He drew it. He put the boat together. Yeah.
No, the first boat. He invented steam. And the cotton gin. Yeah. He invented steam and zinc. Yeah. He invented both. He discovered water. I've got newspapers from famous dates. That's good. Is it? I think so. I've done that too. I have a few different collections that maybe people don't know about. I also have Time magazines. I have the Time magazine. magazine with Charles Manson on the cover when the whole first thing broke. It's pretty creepy to look at. Kind of cool, though. The Time magazine when he did his thing back in the 60s? Yeah, and it's just... Who saved... Who got that? Jamie's mom saved all of them, and I have them now. I also have a... Make a giant collage. I have a sizable baseball card collection. Sizable. Your dad has a sizable. But I sold it to him. But I... Could open my own baseball card store. We have that many baseball cards. Todd has a lot, too. We have a ton. What about weird stuff? You guys have seen my gut milk? My binder of gut milk ads. Oh, wow. I forgot about that. That is unbelievable. How old were you? How old were you? 22. Middle school? Nine? No, like 12.
13 or something. Got milk. When she was 12 or 13, she collected, got milk ads. Yeah, and I ripped them out of the magazine. Carefully. No, they weren't even well ripped out. Some of them were. I tried, but I was lazy. I'm going to be like, oh, here's a Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Going to add that to my collection. Oh, Christy Brinkley. Add that to my collection. I had the Backstreet Boys. Like random ones. You know what's great about that? As you think back, Woods, did you ever, when you were like, 14, 13, 14. What lined the walls of your room? I had a lot of sports posters, a lot of basketball dudes doing, like Michael Jordan doing the slam dunk from the free throw line. Oh, yeah. Had that one. Everybody had that. Had a Larry Bird and a Magic Johnson poster. Know why? Had a Daryl Strawberry poster. I just had posters, and I tried to hang. I used to get Hit Parader and Cream magazine, the music magazines, and I'd try to hang poison on my wall. I'd get it up for a day, and my parents would be like, that's coming down, and they'd take all my rock and roll pictures off the wall. Wasn't allowed to have. See, I liked girls. I did, too. Did you? Yeah. He just got you. Did he? Yeah. He got you real good. What'd you have, Jay?
I had Farrah Fawcett in the brown bikini. Oh, that's a great one. Suzanne Somers, she was in some kind of blue thing. Cheryl Teagues. I wasn't allowed to have those in my room. I couldn't have pictures of half-naked girls in there. M1 Danielle from OB, are you there? I'm here. Happy Friday. Happy Friday. What did you have and what do you still have? If you guys remembered Garbage Pail Kitchen. Oh, yeah. Disgusting. I love those. They were so gross. And if you look on eBay, you can find some that are like $500 for each. For real? Seriously. And I just put a bunch of them on Facebook yesterday to remind some of my elementary friends of it. And everybody's like, oh my God, I totally have those. And they're just going for crazy prices on eBay. It's hilarious. Wow. I wish I'd kept mine. We used to have parties where we would trade them. We watched a Garbage Pail Kids movie, a screening of it. Wow. At a pop-up book. I wonder if people have like the weird and dumb stuff that you would get at like, you know, when you would go, when they would have limited edition Star Wars stuff at, you know.
Burger King or whatever. Yeah, the glasses. We used to have those glasses that you get at McDonald's. Yeah, and you drink out of it. You felt important. You had something valuable. You made a special trip to get it. Well, and that, and I couldn't drink my Sunkist out of a regular old glass. I had to have my Luke Skywalker glass. Yeah. Return of the Jedi. Yep. Yep. And they would have limited edition cereals that would come out. Yes. And you're going to eat those and your stomach's going to be worth something one day. Right. Well, you save them. I have a box of Wheaties signed by Tony Gwynn in my office. Oh, yeah. My brother used to have a ton of Wheaties boxes. Those are worth something. Line up. You couldn't see wall. It was all Sports Illustrated. I had a subscription to Sports Illustrated, but only things that had to do with NFL football. That's awesome. That's not bad. On your wall? Yeah. But it was very OCD. Did you ever try to collect coins? Because I did. I tried to collect coins. Do you remember the day in school when they'd come around and they'd pass out that leaflet and you'd sign up for books and stuff that you wanted? Book fair. The book fair. The book day was the greatest. When it came in, when the books came in. You're like, open the freaking boxes. Open the box. I need my Berenstain Bears. Yeah, I need it. I signed up for a stamp collecting kit. Because I thought that would be fun. Or a coin collecting kit.
15 minutes, I was like, yeah, this is the dumbest thing I've ever found. I still have my coins, and I used to collect my teeth, too. I don't have those anymore. You collected your teeth? Mm-hmm. And when did it go away? I stopped because they were in the same thing that I kept my coins in, and the teeth split eventually. And it stunk, probably. Well, yeah, it's teeth. It was little baby teeth. No, but they split. I know. I was like, ah! You didn't sew your teeth at the Tooth Fairy? The tooth fairy left money but never wanted the tooth. What? Yeah, the tooth fairy would leave money but be like, I don't want that. Wouldn't you be like, hey, tooth fairy? I think my tooth fairy was a little skeeved out. Well, maybe that tooth fairy sucks it up. He's an East Coast tooth fairy. My tooth fairy also had a problem putting bandages on and helping me when I was sick. Yeah, my tooth fairy didn't do that either. My tooth fairy almost fainted in the hospital when I had to get stitches. My tooth fairy was legit. Yeah, mine too. I would get like 20 bucks. Yeah, like 10 bucks sometimes. My tooth fairy left... Peso. 50 cents. Peso. Yes, peso.
When I was, I had a wig. A little shredded beef. Yeah, one shredded beef per tooth. I had a wig for when I was Annie for Halloween one time. Can Rebecca borrow that? Stop it. Annie wig. A little Annie. A little orphan Annie. People, I was joking! Don't you know a joke when you hear one? It's red. Somebody beg it. The sun will come out. Oh, boy. Tomorrow. Anyway, I plucked out one of the hairs from Annie's wig, and I showed my parents. I was like, look what the tooth fairy left behind. They were like, really? Why did you do that? Because I was like, the tooth fairy came. I don't know. I was just trying to prove the tooth fairy. Oh, wow. Another brick falling? Yeah. That's nuts.
I like finding things out. I know. I'd like to give her that injection. I think it's called sodium pentothal. And you remember everything. And just sit in a room with her for days. You can do that? It's truth serum. I want it. I want it for you. It would be very entertaining. We find out all kinds of stuff. Yeah, we would. Yeah, I guess so. Maybe I don't want that. Lots of people are calling with stuff now. Oh, I love it. 570-1949. When we come back, we will get you on the air. So if you're holding, keep holding. Still got some new movies to do for you. And we'll take your phone calls on this next. Make some noise with our lives. Call 5-7-0. Go now. Call 5-7-0. Go now. Call 5-7-0. Go now. Hey, make some noise. Here he is. Woo! Look at Woods. He's getting a little hot down. Still over here. It's real good. It's another Friday. I want to let you know that I do a podcast on iTunes that you can find by searching V-O-M. You will not hear that song on this podcast. Well, I don't play any songs on the podcast. But I wouldn't mind. I'd play it.
This is the song I was dancing to yesterday when I got a foot cramp. Really? I'm going to give you a foot cramp. It's a jam. Why do I like it? I do. I like it, too. I like it. So, yeah, go to iTunes and type in VOM, and you can find this podcast that I do. But I will give you fair warning. It is a Christian podcast. That's why I do it separately. But it's something I get all fired up about, and I really like doing. Sometimes I do it early in the morning, and sometimes I will. Do this podcast late in the afternoon. But it's fun. Have a good time doing it. So check it out. Let's see. Sienna, what's going on in news? I thought I'd give you an update on Representative Gabrielle Giffords. And she's continuing to make progress. She's recovering right now at the Houston Hospital from the gunshot wound to her head, which happened last January. Perfect time for her husband to go to school. Great time for her to take off on a trip. I thought I would just let you know about the progress. And she sang. actually sang the song by Don McLean, American Pie, with her husband, Mark Kelly, who is still there by her side, and his two daughters. And she knew the words better than they did. She's doing great singing, laughing, talking. Apparently, it's the side of her brain that also is caring enough about her husband to let him go into space. She didn't happen to sing. Follow his dreams. Go on.
Go your own way. Do whatever you need to do. You guys don't have those parts of your brain. Also, a government survey was out yesterday that actually found that fewer teens and young adults aged between 15 and 24 are having sex of any kind. Do they know why? They don't know why. There's been an overall drop in teen pregnancy as well, so good news. The kids that they interviewed... I have a theory. Why? I think they're afraid because they didn't we hear something about how a bunch of teenagers. I can't remember the number, but it was crazy. Yeah. Have HPV. Well, they have HPV, but they also teenagers in startling numbers have STDs. Yeah. Well, that's actually I'm sure some of it, because I know for sure that a lot of these young kids, they there's more classes, more awareness to STDs. And it's. It's scary, especially when you find out one in four have a certain one. It's becoming more and more common, so sex has gone down. Also, there's that show, the teen mom show. I don't know if that creeps in. It probably scares them to death. It scares them straight. That's a popular show. Maybe one of those moms slings a kid over the kid's way soon. Make that ride. I don't want her to sling anything. Sling it right over.
Slating real good? You on drugs? It'll happen. It'll happen. Well, it's nice. We want a kid. I know. That's not weird. It's just, we love you and, you know, it hurts us for you. Gotta talk about it. It's a big elephant in the room. Talking about it's fine. When you make those... That wasn't a joke. It's a big elephant in the room. It's not really an elephant. The other day, the other day, he, off the air, I go, I go, I... I go, are you being for real, Woods? He goes, seriously, I swear on Chelsea's kid. I go, oh my gosh. I know. Woods, don't. Laughter is the best medicine. It's true. It's true. You need to do whatever you need to do to help code. Thank you, Sienna. Thank you. That's my coping mechanism. All of us want you to have a baby. And when you make jokes, we don't know what to say. We don't know what to say. Just laugh with me. Hold me up. Be my friend. But it's hard to laugh at those. You have to. Sometimes you have to laugh. But we like monsters a little bit. We feel like monsters. Hey, I'm giving you guys carte blanche. You don't have to feel like monsters. Our M1s are not going to hear you say that. And then if we laugh the next time, they're like, how could they laugh at you?
Jay's the best at it. Yeah, because he doesn't have a heart. We told the story earlier how yesterday Jay said, or Woods told us off the air, he's telling us, listen, it's been really tough because we weren't able to adopt this baby. You know, the birth mom changed her mind. He said, listen, I have to force myself to go to sleep. I got to force myself to wake up. I have to force myself to eat. Jay pops in and he goes, yeah, maybe you don't force yourself to eat so much. Monster. Monster. Hey, I'm just looking out for your... Your health. Your best interest. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, if you didn't hear earlier, we reported that the Chargers have signed safety Bob Sanders, which is a big name, low-risk move. This guy gets hurt a lot. He's played nine games in the last three years. But when he was playing, he was at the top of the list. He was the 2007 NFL Defensive Player of the Year. So low risk, but it would be nice to see him back there with a bolt on his helmet. The Miami Heat last night, you guys. Holy cow. They were up 24 points in the third quarter. They lost. The Magic went on a 40-9 run and beat them 99-96. I just saw on ESPN there were some Heat players crying. Crying. Crying. The scoreboard doesn't lie. Never has. Exactly. The scoreboard does not lie. 99-96 was the final. A 40-9 run. They were crying. They were crying. It's February.
Yeah, I know. It's not June. No, I know. They've not been playing well, so that's the problem. But it's February. I know, I know, I know. They take it very seriously. But it isn't playoffs. But grown men shouldn't cry unless it's in the playoffs. If it's in playoffs, I understand maybe, you know, it's February. Yeah. They're black. Yeah. They are almost shirtless. More importantly. More importantly, LOB's attracted to these men. Yes. But man, 24-point lead, not good. Oh, it wouldn't have anything to do with me, Charlie. No, absolutely not, Charlie. We're white. Yeah, right. We're white. Right. Well, the lower half's black, but the upper half's white. Keep telling yourself that. You don't have to tell me. That's the 15,000 women I've slept with. That's not true. It was 17,000. 17,000. 16,999 of them were, in fact, pornographers. All right. Well, that was fun while I lasted. M1 Instigator from San Diego, are you there?
Go ahead, instigator. Mikey, you were talking about collections earlier, and I know I didn't grow up with them, but he had quite the collection growing up of Ocean Pacific shorts. Okay, I know what he's doing. He is an instigator. Were they OP? Were they OP? They were not... Wannabe OP. They were... My mom sewed onto the shorts. They were what they were, instigator. was they were corduroy pants. Mm-hmm. Cords? They were cords that my mom cut with scissors. Can I keep walking to the bus stop? Those thick cords. Ooh, none of the words. Yes, Woods sounded like that. And... Faster. Oh, the bus is pulling away. And... So my mom bought these cords and then she would make them into... She'd cut them and make them into shorts. Why didn't she just buy shorts? What's that? Why didn't she just buy shorts? They're expensive. Because OP shorts were expensive. No. And they didn't come in that size. Oh, okay. Sorry. They didn't come in...
Not for kids, you know. Trying to find out. For grown men, yes, they did. But then they would have looked like pants on. Yeah, right. The waist size would have been really big. And then the. I was just trying to figure that out. Yeah. She would sew the O.P. And did people know? They did because she messed up and she put it. So she put an S on there. So it said, oops. It's a true story. No way. It is a true story. People think you were like in special ops. Not as an obese 12-year-old. No, they didn't think that. Think you're an accidental birth? Whoops. Did you wear the shorts? Accidental birth. Surprise. Did they think you were an accidental birth? Oh, wow. I just had a baby. Mac, did they think you were an accidental aborted kid or something? Mac? Hello? Fell right out of the pinata. Did I turn my mic off again? What is going on around here? I'm sorry, Mikey. Oops. I'm sorry, dude. Well, the good thing is you went from fake OPs to real Tommy Bahama. So that's a good thing. You're able now to get designer Hawaiian stuff. It explains why you're wearing Tommy Bahama every day. It's written on your...
pocket in the front tommy bahama actually bahama is just tiled over and over and over and over again on the shirt uh-huh that uh white fedora with the black ribbon around it is really cool that you wear i didn't know that people could pull off black socks with saddle shoes but you do it that's exactly how many palm trees are on that shirt is that a real luau on the back or I don't wear Tommy Bahama. Did one of the hula dancers sign that for you? I have one Tommy Bahama shirt. One. Why are you drinking out of a coconut right now? They have a lay on right now. If you have one, you must wear it every day over and over again because you're always wearing Tommy Bahama. Is that a Margaritaville hat?
Are you dyeing it in different colors? I don't understand. I don't wear Tommy Bahama. Parrot head tattoo on your arm. Why does it say cheeseburger in paradise around your wrist? Why do you have a cheeseburger mug? You know, it's 5 o'clock somewhere. Yeah, why do you have a pencil-thin mustache? Why are you saying mahalo to everybody that walks by? Why are you in a record going to your next vacation in Key West? I don't get it. Mikey, pass me those chocolate-covered macadamia nuts. Why do you have a big vat of poi next to your chair right now? Where'd you get those sweet buns from? Ooh, that rice looks good. Stop spitting that pig on his foot. Why are you boiling yourself up in the studio? Why are you playing a ukulele as we speak? For those of you that are new listeners to the Mikey Show, I want you to know I don't wear Tommy Bahama shirts. This is something that has been a running joke about me for about three years now. And I have one Tommy Bahama shirt. 100 Tommy Bahama shirts.
Well, you started this new show with this new team. It was over. It was over. You were out of it. It was done. You didn't even think. I filled in on the old show, and I knew. No. Are you going to order a fake cease and desist for us? Hey, you guys. This came from the old station. He wrote it. You can't talk about this. Not allowed to talk about it. On yellow legal paper. Proprietary information. Oh, my God. Oh, it's incredible. Those linen pants look real nice, though. They do. Why are you drinking out of a coconut? You killed me. To this day. To this day, Ashley's probably still going, why are you wearing a coconut shirt? Why are you splitting that coconut and making a bra out of it? Put a coconut bra on. Nice coconuts. Nice coconuts. Don't make the coconut. Is there milk inside that coconut? Is that in fact coconut? Can you shake your coconuts? That milk creamy? Do you want to go to the luau with me? I'll stuff your pig. Wow. Wow. Oink, oink.
That pig's on a... I'll make you squeal. I'll put the pig down in front of you, and then I will have parked you. Oh, boy. Do you want... Yeah. You have a curly tail. Do you like my... I have sex. Somehow we're able to 180 that to Jay, which is always fun. I say one word. Let's see. Oh, that hurt. Let's see. New movies. What do we got?
What's the new movies that are coming out? Well, the biggest one. Yes. Come back. We'll give you new movies. Make some noise. Live studio audience. It's the Mikey Show. From a couple of years ago. A couple of years ago in Maui. We were walking through a... Rebecca and I were walking through a shopping mall and there was a Tommy Bahama store. And I had to take a picture in front of it since that was such a big joke. It's almost like the pearly gates for you. What? I didn't even know that that was you. You're wearing a tank top. That was a dig. I guess I've put on a couple of pounds since then. No, I don't. So you went with the sleeveless Nike when out shopping, huh? What kind of sunglasses are on your head? Are those Oakleys? Oh, wow. Razor glasses? You guys just got done hiking, probably. Yeah. Working out? Working out. Oh, boy. Eject. Listen, I... I...
It was hot. Yeah, it is hot there. We'll give you that. It is hot there. For sure. No, you're right. Ow. Listen, maybe it was. L.O.B. just threw her neck out laughing at me. That's a first. I love it. It's not actually. Nothing can throw her neck out like good Mike. Some old Mike laughter. Mike laughter will get her. I always get this visual of Mikey doing stand-up in this seedy little lounge. And everyone else in there is like. What the heck? And I'm just in the back. Ah! Oh, my text. That's awesome. Holy cow. That'd be good. 570-1949 is our number. You can also text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. New movies that are out today. I'm going to start with the biggest one. All right. That. And that is Rango. Eh?
Looks great. Oh, the Johnny Depp cartoon. Yeah, the Johnny Depp, Isla Fisher, Abigail Breslin. Ow! What was that for? You're funny looking. Damn. You're funny looking. That's a funny looking shirt. She's a funny looking dress. You got funny looking eyes. You got a funny looking face. You're a stranger. Strangers don't last long here. You know that Johnny Depp finally shaved his face. He did? For this role? No. He was walking the red carpet earlier in the week for The Tourist or whatever movie he's in and looked good again. All right. Also out, this one's horrific, Beastly. Have you seen the previews for this? No. Vanessa Hudgens. Who's that? Zach Afron's ex-girlfriend. Who's that? High School Musical. What's that? Vanessa Hudgens, pretty girl. It looks horrific, basically. What is it?
popular guy who like everyone likes apparently and Vanessa Hudgens is kind of like this like no big deal in high school and something happens to this popular guy and he like turns into like this ugly guy with scars all over his face. It's like my life story. Stop saying Mikey. Yeah, but he has scars all over and then everyone thinks he's hideous but Vanessa Hudgens is like, I think you're beautiful. Beauty and the Beast. Big high school movie. Yeah, Beauty and the Beast. Mikey and Rebecca. Unquestionably sucks. You went to regular school? At 15, my friends lost their virginity. I lost my sight. But, you know, living hell has its upside. Feel good comedy of the year. Yeah. I'm stoked to see that. Also out today, Take Me Home Tonight. That's with Topher Grace, Anna Faris, Eddie Vedder. Or Eddie Money. Eddie Money. No. Eddie Van Halen. Eddie Munster. Eddie Murphy. Eddie and the Cruisers. Eddie from my old show? Yeah. I've been up for a long time.
So have we all. Since last week? Yeah. What are you doing? Eddie Vedder. She's like, take me here. No, I said Eddie Money. She's been up for a while. And then you guys. Yeah, I'm just wanting to hear it. How old do you think Topher Grace is? Thank you. 35. I'm changing the subject. I know. Should I help you out? Topher Grace is playing like an MIT grad or something. And it's just like, when are you going to outgrow this role? Maybe you change your name too. Topher. Topher. Come on. It's growing on me. So anyway, that's out today. Take Me Home Tonight, Beastly, Rango, and the other one is The Adjustment Bureau. No offense. Matt Damon, Emily Blunt. That's going to be a big one as well. Emily Blunt. You know who that is? Nope. Emily Blunt. She's a pretty girl. James Blunt's wife. Knockout. No, she's married to Jim from the office. Who the hell are you guys? We are the people who make sure things happen according to plan. My name's Richardson. I really think I couldn't see that coming. Matt Damon is in the movie on the brink of winning a seat in the Senate, and he meets a ballerina. Oh, boy. The ballerina bits and everything. Matt Damon. Everything's about ballerinas. Remember when they used to do mob movies? No. Remember those days? It's not about the ballerina. It's about these people trying to put things right, and there's a lot of fighting and car crashes. It kind of looks like an Inception ripoff to me. Yeah, me too. You're not going to watch Inception, are you? No.
I've owned it on Blu-ray for months now and have yet to watch it. Own it on Blu-ray for months now, but don't watch it. I will. Own it on Blu-ray. I will. Own it on Blu-ray, but don't even take it out of the packaging. Pay $29.99 for a DVD and never watch it. Pay $29.99 for a coaster. Everyone says that you really have to pay attention to that movie and sit down and not be distracted. Don't do that. Well, I can't. There's a baby running around. Well, she takes a nap or something. Save yourself two hours. It's called pause. I'll watch it. I will one day. This is Uncle Victor for Get a Babysitter. I need to. Woods. Yes. How much for you to watch Inception with me? $60. Today. Oh. $100. Fresh bill. Fresh, crisp bill. $75. This is true. $80. Oh. Dude, come on. You don't have any allowance left, Mike. Yeah. What are you going to pay me with? I can, you know, finagle it. As usual. It's 936. Rebecca's not listening. Fair enough. 80 bucks. 80? Yeah. Okay. How about this? 40 now as a deposit. The other 40 when the end credits roll. Deal. Done.
Are you kidding me? Oh, my gosh. Mikey's taking out his wallet right now. Great friendship. You're going to watch Inception. You have to do it then. It's like being in a frat. He just handed Woods two 20s. Listen. Woods put it in his wallet. Listen, I know Woods really well. If you want to enjoy a movie with him, be able to talk about it on the air, and enjoy his company, it comes at a price. Fair enough. My time is very valuable. I have a practice at 4.30, so we need to do it right after we get out of here. A practice at 4.30? Yep. So it'll be right when we go leave our meeting. What time do you have to leave? My house? Yeah. About 4. About 4. We got time. All right. We got to go from that meeting and we got to get our McDonald's and then we put the thing in and we make it right. Pathetic. We think we're kidding. You need to at least buy a McDonald's. Oh, my treat on McDonald's. Whatever you want. Pathetic. McFlurry. You guys. The new milkshakes out. Friggin' St. Patty's Day milkshake, which is so good. So good. What is it? Shamrock shake. Shamrock shake. What is it? It's delicious. Mint milkshake. You never had it? I've never had it either. We'll get it today. The mint milkshake. You'll die. Yeah, you'll actually die. You'll literally die. Hey, fat ass, you're literally going to die. Oh, I'm going for one. I'm going to try it, maybe. Oh, we're going. I know Sienna has to go home. L.O.B. Yeah. What do you have planned today?
Today? Yeah. I got a lot going on. No, you do not. No, I do. I do. My sister just asked me if I could watch her. Just asked you. On email if I could. But I said no because I have too much going on. I got to go to a yoga class. I got to take a nap. Yep. I have to get ready for my stand-up tonight. You have stand-up tonight? Mm-hmm. Some new stuff I got to memorize. All I did was look at Jay. I just. Looked at Jay. And instantly he started shaking his head. Not going to happen, Tebby. First of all, I wouldn't eat your McDonald's. Nope. And second of all, I ain't going to watch Reception. Seen it. Liked it. I ain't going to watch Inception. Inception. I already saw it. I saw it. I saw it. I watched Conception. Oh, yeah. I'll watch that. I watched it. I got it free from my neighbor's window. Oh. Not playing. Because they were dumb enough. They didn't seal their windows tight enough. That is such a creep. Don't get me wrong. They sealed their windows. Just not. It's starring Leonardo DiDongrio. I used nitrogen to peel them open. DiDongrio? Yeah. Are we just going to let that one go live? Leonardo DiDongrio. DiDongrio.
Really? You're a clown. I just called him Leo. Dongy Darko. That's a whole other movie. Dong Johnson. You're a clown. Let me tell you something. If we were on until 4 o'clock today, that... pervert girl could keep going all day. She'd go until 4th night this afternoon, she'd still be like, who's? Dong Deloitte. She's such a creep. Dong Knox. Or, as Jay would say, Dong Knox. You need a break. You need a break.
Are you able to hear this song without hearing that? Never. Roll it for me. I'm in the car driving to Costco with Jamie. She goes, shut up. Shut up. Please shut up. I'm like, when you're dealing with the thing. I heard you. I heard you. I heard you. I heard you. I heard you. I heard you. I hate you. Make some noise. I was looking for a turd the other day for about 20 minutes. How'd you misplace that? That's what I was wondering. I'm like, how did I misplace a turd? But there's a turd around here. I'm looking everywhere. Diaper genie. Oh, God. I go, babe, one of the cats took a turd in the living room. And she goes, really? I said, yeah. I go, I've been looking for 20 minutes. I can't find it. She goes in there and she goes, there's a diaper genie in there. Almost threw up. That would get me. Yeah.
You know what a diaper genie is? It's a thing that... They're great if you don't... There's like one diaper too many. And it's over. And it's over. Is it like a receptacle? Yeah, but it's great. I mean, it's a really cool invention what it is. I stuff as many diapers. Do you have a diaper genie? Oh, yeah. The Elite 2. You what? I have the diaper genie Elite 2. That's a big time one. Of course you do. You stuff the diaper in there and then you go... and you turn it, and what it does is it pinches off the diaper. You need to get the Elite 2. You don't have to turn it. Yeah, we don't have to turn. Oh, it's the best. You just stick it in, and it does it for you. Yeah, it sucks it in. That was really good. Your wife ever just not want to spend the extra $2 to get the one? You guys have probably had it since Jake was a baby, no? Yeah. They've come out with new. Is it new? Is this new? It's the newer of the ones, yeah. It's a fancier version of it. Yeah, no, you don't twist anything. You just twist the diaper in. Yeah, I was going to say, if that's the case, I've been not doing it right at my sister's house because I don't twist. It's called Diaper Genie Elite 2. You don't just throw them in the garbage? Like Roman numerals. No, because then your garbage stinks. Yeah, it's bad news. Put it in this thing and it vacuum sucks it in there so you don't have to smell it. Ours is right next to the crib and I don't smell a thing. There's nothing gross about it. All they have is refills. Oh my gosh. And they have the Elite, but they don't have no Elite 2.
You need the deuce, man. You got to get the deuce. Diaper Genie 2 Elite? Is that what you mean? Yeah. Maybe. Same difference. Well, all I know is that you put this thing in there and it turns and it pinches off the diaper so that you don't smell anything. But if you put the... It just takes one. It does. It's the difference between nothing and I'm going to get sick. You're right. And my wife will go... Listen, I'm going to throw the dice on this one. And she throws the dice. And I'm like, oh, wow. Something bad happened around here. With twins, I bet that fills up quick. Oh, it's pretty awesome. I wonder how many diapers a week those little clowns go through. Not clowns. 160. Cheap. That's not bad. 40 bucks? Yeah. That's how much I just paid Woods as a down payment to watch Inception with. That's a good point. Maybe you take that money back and buy a diaper genie. Take it back and we'll get you a genie. We'll do it another time. Yeah.
That would be such a nice gift to your wife. You've accepted the deposit, bro. That's true. So it's done. Okay. We're doing our meeting. We'll hit a really healthy place for lunch. And then we'll go. I'm getting a Big Mac and a nine-piece McNugget, by the way. Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, isn't it? Tonight's 8 o'clock album. Who do gurus? Garrett! That was, again, weak. Try again. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, Hooter Gurus. Gary. Mars Needs Guitars is the album. Of course it is. This is Mars Needs Guitars from the Hooter Gurus. And I hope you enjoy this first one. We should do, like, Stephen Wright. I wish that he would let me do a shift here, and I'll do it as Stephen Wright. That'd be hysterical. Like in Reservoir Dogs. Yeah, it'd be hysterical. This is a new one. From Mumford and Sons. It's called The Cave. You're listening to KBCT 94.9 on your FM dial. That'd be great. That'd be awesome. That's the first song that 94.9 ever played. A little green bag. That's right. Yeah. That's right. Do a little tribute. I love it. Next year on the anniversary. I love it. I'll let you do it, Mike. I'm not kidding.
I'm not paying you for it. Just don't put it on your time card. You missed that, too. You missed that, too, Sienna. Are we not using time cards anymore? Oh, come on. Don't be ridiculous. One day, 2011, maybe. First thing Garrett said yesterday in the meeting was, don't forget to turn your time cards in. Mikey then raises his hand and he goes, why do we have time cards? Thank you. And then I said, Garrett, do you know that the guy that delivered these pizzas, he doesn't have time cards. He logged in online. Online. He does it digitally. Great point. M1 Chris from Oceanside. What's up? What's going on? I just have a great show. Thank you, bro. Man, you keep me laughing. You get me through the weekend all the time. Thank you. I got permagrin without using the medicinal marijuana. Chris, I bet you have a Charlie Sheen imitation you'd like to do, I would imagine. You guys are nailing. it better than I can. And we're getting the invitation, right? You know what I want? Hey, Mikey, is it okay if I bring up some from the old show? Sure. We love that. Do you remember? Hey, let's do the Oracle. You want to talk about all my husband's ex-girlfriends too? Come on now. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, I don't want you to if it's good. I'm kidding. We're joking. Joke doesn't bother you? No. I don't get bothered. I'm sitting here. Circle of friends.
Yeah, LLB's like, yeah, just talk about all your ex-girlfriends. No, I don't care. I didn't say a word. You're the trust tree. You're the trust tree, Chris. So, do you remember the virtual Sean soundboard that you had on the website? Oh, Woods is crying now. Good job. Thanks a lot, dude. What? I miss that guy. We miss him so much. He's a good guy. Because we always want Sean instead of Woods. Yeah. No, no. I wanted to talk like if you could do all the audio clips you guys have and do like a soundboard virtual Sheen. I feel like. Al Roker right now. That would be awesome. We'll work on it. We'll work on it. We have a Sheen soundboard already, I think. I wonder how Sean's Charlie Sheen imitation is. Dead on. Charlie Sheen. Thank you. Beat that. I don't know. Garrett, our program director, texted me, done. For next year, you can introduce the little green bag. Oh, he's saying I can do it. Huh? No, I want to do a whole shift. Like a four-hour shift on a Saturday? He's probably saying yes. Go ahead. I want to do a four-hour shift where I actually, you know, should. You know, you'd be here for four hours, right? By yourself? Would we have to come in and watch you and just, like, laugh? Yeah. We're just in the background. God, that was good. God, you killed it, dude. We love you. From a band called Muse. And it's really good if you haven't gotten it yet. It's called The Resistance.
And the song is called Uprising. I hope you enjoy it. You're listening to FM 94.9 on your FM dial. No point. KBZT. 94.9. Just 94.9. FM 94.9. KBZT. You can just drop the point. Will he let me do that? Yes. I think maybe he was texting you done as in like you're finished. Yeah, you're fired. You're fired. Grab a box and pack your ass. Maybe we're done with time cards. Come on. No. Oh, maybe that's what he meant. No. Trust me. Oh. Oh. 570-1949 is our number beginning and end of every show. We do open phones. You can call about anything you want. And you could.
Ask questions or make comments or anything you want at the beginning and end of every show. Anybody got anything going on this weekend that they want to promote? I do. You could get a $5 footlong tonight or you could come see me at Hensley's Pub in Carlsbad. Where can I get a $5 footlong? Right at the... But it's at Hensley's. It's $5. It's off of Tamarack. And there's going to be me, as well as a bunch of other comedians, headliner George Perez. There you go. Yeah, sign me up for that. Anybody else? Oh, at 8 o'clock tonight. Thank you, Sarah. 8 o'clock. Happy birthday. Anybody else? Happy birthday. You give out your Little League games. Oh, the Braves of the Encinitas National Little League will be playing tomorrow at 11.
Sunday at 4. Come on by and check out the kid. I'll be planting tomatoes and carrots in my backyard. Peter Rabbit. That's right. Got nothing. You got nothing. Nobody else? No. All right, just check. End of the show on Friday, I give you my testimony, my story. And I do that in hopes that there is something in my story that you can relate to. When I was a kid, I grew up feeling worthless. I felt the whole time that I was growing up, I always felt like the people around me didn't want me. And I'm even talking about friends. I always felt different. And I never felt like I blended in. I never felt like everybody else. I always felt isolated. That feeling carried on into my 20s. And in my 20s, I started drinking.
And that gave me a temporary numbing. But I'd do anything to make people like me. I just wanted people to like me in the worst way. So I would take pills. I would make myself throw up so I'd be thinner. I would do anything. I felt like a failure at pretty much everything I did. Felt like I couldn't really do anything very good. The only thing I did pretty good was radio. So by the time I was in my late 20s and I was having some success at radio, I felt like now it was payback. And I started to become egotistical and manipulative. So the guy that felt like a nerd when I was a kid and when I was in high school, now it was payback time. So I would abuse people verbally and I would hurt people.
I would take advantage of people. I would lie about everything. Everything I did was out of self-motivation. When I was 33, I was laying in bed and I was looking at the ceiling. I remember exactly, I even remember the smoke detector, the little red light on the smoke detector with tears pouring down my face. And I remember just asking Jesus, To help me. And I just felt warm. And I just felt him. Like loving me. And then from that point on. It was just this. Just this building up of him. In me. If there's somebody listening right now. That just lost a parent. And you just feel hopeless. Because you miss him so much. Or there's somebody that's listening right now. That in their past. You just feel so shameful.
Because in your past is prostitution that no one knows about except for you. No one knows about it except for you. Drugs, depression, alcohol, addiction. If you have a secret addiction to porn, you can go to mikeyshow.com, click on the word help. And when you click there, there's resources for all of that. You'll find accountability software. Places that you can go whether you have money or you don't have money to get help for addiction. It's at MikeyShow.com. At the end of the show, I play a song. And the song, I really want you to listen to the lyrics of the song because it could be exactly where you are. But I just want you to know that my life was completely changed by the fact that I invited Jesus into my heart. He changed me from the inside out.
That's my story. Nobody can take that away from me because I own it. It belongs to me. Have a great weekend. Lovely and talented. Hillary is coming up next. We'll see you again on Monday. We love you a lot. We love you a lot, M1s. Thank you for listening. This song is by Red and it's called Not Alone. Mikey shows up. Late.