The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 03/07/11

0:04Welcome to a soupy-looking Monday, huh? Fantastic. We got a big old pile of pea soup out there. Yep, woke me up last night. What did? The rain. Oh, really? Yep. It was such a nice weekend, too. Yeah, part of it. A bunch of rain comes in. Figured out, Mother Nature. Let's just get some sunshine up in this bazoo. You know? Good morning. It's Monday. And it's a Mikey show. We got a phone number that you can use, 570-1949 or text 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I'm wearing a new cologne. Weird. I love it, though. You just call it Monday. Let's call it Monday. Yeah, it's Monday. Let's call it cologne. And Woodsy is our sports guy. He's back to wearing the Newsboy hat. Hasn't worn that in a long time. You know why. Why? Playing golf today.

1:24Oh, okay. So went with the golfing attire. I hope it clears up. Yeah. I hope it clears up for the golf. Do you still golf if it rains? It depends. It depends. The course is probably, you know, real wet right now. Yeah. So I'm going to have like mud all over my legs and shorts. You wear shorts though on a rainy day. I don't have slacks. Sorry. Did you and Jay call each other about the old long sleeve under the polo? That's standard golf. Polo shirt with a long sleeve under. Standard golf bit. Yeah. Jay has khakis on today, by the way. Yes, I do. Khakis. Is that your golf thing? Yeah, it's a golf thing. You know what? What's golf? It's a golf thing. The khakis, I like them. They look good on them. Yeah. Bring them back. Can't wait to see what they look like by the end of this golf thing. Listen, I hope it clears up. Get some sunshine for you guys. Me too. Don't need rain on a golf day for charity. Stinks. Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as L.O.B., is the pretty blonde to my right who did a great job at Stand Up Friday night. I love that. It was a good set. It was encouraging for you. Sienna is our news girl. She's 25 at the moment, putting on a little Burt's Bees, which is a bit, by the way. It's chapstick. Chapstick. It's a bit. It's the best chapstick out there. Yeah, I agree. Our lips don't need chapstick. We use it, and then we get addicted to it. Mine get very chapped.

2:51Because I overused each other. You overused each other. It's an addiction. Jay is our producer. And I appreciate Jay because he does certain things when I'm not around. For instance, this morning, he passed a little gas when I wasn't here. Wasn't a little. Wasn't a little anything. Wasn't a little at all. No. It was raucous enough that I heard about it. Oh, yeah. I mean. All the way over by the door, though. Sienna could hear it from where she sat. That's a long. That's 50 feet from there. There was no question that it was a fart. It was so loud. And I sat over here and just went, oh, man. I actually said Woods. And he said Nola's J. Pardon me. I had no idea it was going to be that loud because I wouldn't have done it in front of a lady. I literally was hoping that he brought a change of clothes. Yeah, you should. I hope he brought a change of clothes. You should. You need a shower. It was that bad. You need a shower. It was like a dry wind. Glad I missed it. Me too. You know me at L.A.B. I don't like that stuff. It made me laugh for like five minutes. They sound funny. I just don't like them. And our phone screener today is Alan. Alan. Alan. Alan. Alan. Let's use us. Let's see.

4:12We got an email from a guy that told us a story and wanted to know if we had any suggestions. And it's so good. And we asked him if he'd come on the air, and he said, yeah. So we'll do that at 8. He is in a heap of trouble. Oh, man. It has to do with something to do with his friend. Oh, boy. He has not told his friend this yet. Word of the day is Burrow. Say it one more time. Say it the right way. Say it the right way, Mikey. Burro. There you go. Don't be upset with me. You use Mexican words every... Spanish. Spanish words. I use Mexican words. You know what? It's the word of the day. Anyone, you know, I could put bottle on there, but that's, you don't learn anything. Right. Burro, you learn some Spanish as well. May we change it to the Mexican word of the day from now? That's what it is. That's what it is anyway. I've already changed it. It's a Mexican word. Who says it? Mexicans, right? No. Hoyle, come on, dude. How many Spaniards you seen walking around Alberto's lately talking about burros? They do. Really? Spaniards? Burros? Yes.

5:29Billy, there's people from Espanol just walking around at La Jolla. Espanol. In Espanol they are. I don't want any more rain. Sick of it. Six hours. Probably sunny by the time we get off work. It was so pretty. We had a whole 2010 of it, you characters. Yeah, but it's got to come every once in a while. I'm sick of it, man. She's paying $4 a gallon and real good for... What's up with you? What? It's in the car. That's face lotion anyway. This is hand. It said... I got, hey, as a nice gesture... I'll go get it. It's in the car. I'll go get it. All right. What? Seriously? Not now. I got Woods this really... And you, Sienna, because you use it too. You know how he's constantly throughout the show putting lotion on his hands? I got this really nice high end. Lotion for you guys. Well, you really want him to have soft hands. Oh, boy. Yes, my lotion I keep on my bedside table. So do I. That's weird. Well, because I put it on before bed and when I get out of the shower. Go on, creep. You're not a creep. Yeah, you got to treat yourself. I want soft skin. Yeah, treat yourself. Oh, my God. I'll just stay over here with my cracked dry hand. Thanks, Mike. Yeah, mine too.

6:53My skin is old. LLB, I've never seen you use lotion. Haven't you? She uses mine every now and then. Do you? Isn't it funny? I'm flanked by two girls, and I'm the one that has various lotions in front of him. I'm going to hang out with these two smoking hotties. I know that if I bring my lotion in, Woods will go through half of it that day. Easily. So I hold it back. Yeah, I've actually never seen you put on lotion in here. I see you use hand sanitizer. Yeah. Right now, the audience... doesn't realize it, mainly because they're not here, and it could be because you're new listening to the show, but L.O.B. is a little irritated at me. She's furious. That comment that she just made to Sienna was direct. Oh, no. She's furious. She knows I love her, and so I don't see her put lotion on. Mike didn't just buy me lotion. He was going to La Costa, and I said, oh, they have the best lotion there. And he was sweet and remembered me saying that and picked up a bottle for me. And went out of his way to also buy some for Woods. Yes. In addition to the Bala powder. You better get her some lotion tomorrow. I've got Bala's too. I've never seen L.O.B. do the lotion. You don't pay enough attention to me. Oh, my God. You're in trouble. You are in trouble. You are in trouble. Have you ever seen Woods put Bala powder on?

8:12That's true. You're in trouble. You are in trouble. You're in trouble. Oh, man. I'm so sorry for you right now. I know. Yeah, me too. I'm sorry. I am too. Like, I feel sorry. For you. For me. For myself. You know who doesn't have to feel sorry? No. You ever just love somebody and they just find a way? They just want to run you over? They just want to run you over? It's okay, Jay. We'll take care of it. Yeah, cool. We'll get you something nice. You better bring her some corn seeds tomorrow or something. No, no, no. I wouldn't expect something like that. Is she like a nice lotion? Yeah. I just want what everybody else has. Yeah. Some more fair treatment across the board. Maybe a bra and panty set. Oh, my gosh. All I want is equality. Oh, you're dead. Oh, you're dead. I'm dead. You're dead. You're dead. Anyway, it's in the car. All right. And I love it. It's for my face. So do you guys want to know about the weather this week? What to expect? Please. Well, today, a.m. showers, wind. So today's going to be pretty brutal. Tomorrow's going to be partly cloudy. The rest of the week, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, it's supposed to be sunny and nice. Nice. Now, temperature-wise, they give that? Today says 59 degrees. 59 degrees. Tomorrow says around 66. And then low 70s the rest of the week.

9:25Still not what I want. What do you want? 80s, dude. It was 80s this weekend. 80s. It was hot Saturday. Nice. It was sunny and beautiful and in the 80s. I mean, that is just, dude. It was gorgeous. Call it Chamber Commerce Day. Yep. The Chamber Commerce of your city would take photographs that day because it's that beautiful. It was a perfect Saturday. That's right. Gas prices, by the way, are at the highest level since August of 2008. Yeah. Perfect time to purchase an SUV. Yeah. Which is what I did. Have you guys filled up recently? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Three figures. It cut off at $75. I guess my credit card only goes up to $75. And so my tank fills and just stops. I'm like, dang it. You got about half a tank. Well, guess what? Holy crap. The Mikey Show is going to help you out. Yeah. You know what we're going to do? Check this out. The word of the day is burro. No. Burro. There you go. And. Here's what the prize is. A four-pack of tickets to the Nationwide Series on March 26th. Okay? That's NASCAR. Also, for Word of the Day today, you'll win a pair of sunglasses. But you will qualify for what we're giving away on Friday. Everybody that wins Word of the Day qualifies for what we're giving away on Friday. And that is $125 worth of Arco gift cards. Boom. Yeah. Winning.

10:54Winning cards, yeah. Winning anyone? Gas costs a lot. Duh. I fill up my car twice, easily. I ride a tiger alert. I don't need a car. Tiger. Don't need a car when you have a tiger. Ride a tiger. I can actually fly. If you didn't know, I can fly. I can fly. I have wings. Cape? No, no cape. Oh. Capes are for peas. Oh, wow. I fly. Sorry, Charlie. Unnecessary. Sorry, Charlie. Sorry, Charlie. I actually ride on tiger's blood. The blood. goes and I ride it. I can surf tigers. I can surf tigers. I've already surfed tigers. Let's see. So anyway, when you hear me say, when you hear me work the word burro. Well done. Into a sentence between now and 10, caller 9, qualifies for that 125 in ARCO gift cards and wins the sunglasses in the nationwide car series thing. Let's see. M1, anonymous from San Diego. Are you there? Thank you, show. Good morning. How are you? Good. Good morning, parents. I meant to talk to you last week when you guys were talking about how adamant it was that your children call you mom and dad. Instead of by our name. Yes. Yes. I want to tell you how important it is and imperative it is that they know your first, your last name, your phone number. Because I was in the happiest place on earth.

12:25sister-in-laws and all he knew was mom and dad so when oh yeah i mean you do have to teach your kid you do have to teach your kid what your names are and jake knows what our names are i just don't think that they should call us that fun and everything but i man i'm telling you that was the worst 20 minutes of our lives i bet oh sure i bet and it and it happened so fast it's just amazing but you know i mean like like i've got a Two and six-year-old, you know? Yeah. And it's hard to, you know, obviously teach them. It's like this is looking at a picture and this is you. And then he says, no, that's me. You know what I mean? Yeah. Kind of distinguishing that. Yes. That compared when they're so young. Right. I mean, you almost put a leash on them so you don't want to lose them. Some people do. Some people do. I know. It's crazy. Thank you. I'm not that way. Hey, dude. I love the show. Thank you. You guys keep up the good work.

13:27Maybe we can put a GPS chip in them. I always teach my kids. That's a good idea. We've always taught our kids Kim's cell phone number. That's a good idea, too. Yep. I've heard from parents that, you know, if you have kids, at one point in your life, you're going to lose one of them. And it's just like a thing. It's frightening. Have you done it, Jay? Oh, yeah. Yeah, it happens, right? Yeah, they wander off. As a kid, I used to go hide intentionally. Me too. Yeah. It's going to torture my parents. I did too. And I heard a guy talking about it this last weekend. He goes, yeah. He goes, listen, I have four kids. He goes, I've lost my kids multiple times. So if you haven't lost your kid, the only reason you haven't lost your kid is because you don't have kids. Wow. But if you have kids, you're going to lose them. Whenever you go somewhere like I know at the Del Mar Fair, my mom always said, see this? There's like a Don Julio picture where there's a bunch of phones and stuff.

14:27That was our meeting place. If we ever got lost, that was where we went. She taught us that. That's good. And every time I see that sign, I know. Even still, I think, oh, if I ever get lost, I go there. You're just standing there waiting. Yeah, but it's something that you could walk around and easily see. And so anywhere we went, my mom would say, see this? This is our meeting spot. If we get lost, you go right here. You do the same thing. That's good. And it's like I always knew where to go if something did happen or where to tell someone to take me that worked there. I wish our kids had, like, a Nextel thing built into their shoulders so we could... Where you at? I'm at the bar. You can do that. It's me, Luke. Don't be at the bar, Luke. Well, I'm finishing people's empties. I'm finishing the drinks that I'm finding on the tables. Is that okay? No, it's not okay. It's disgusting. Why? Because they've already drank from it. It's got germs in it, you weirdo. That's your main concern is germs. I'm one year old and I'm drinking. That's a good point. Peace out. Yeah. You want to teach him. That's for sure. The rascal. The rascal. Average price for gas right now, $3.91. Yeah. Want to know why? Facebook. Libya. Yeah.

15:48Oh. Facebook started Egypt, then Egypt started Libya, and Libya has caused gas prices through the roof. Well, if people want democracy, I'm all for it. That's right. If Facebook has to start it, then so be it. Yeah. True story. I wish someone went to work at the same time as me in the carpool. Yeah? Yeah. It'd be nice. Now's the time I'm like, okay, I'll carpool. We could all meet. Woods, L.O.B., and Jake Carpool. Yeah. We don't want to. Isn't that mean? Woods wants to blast cigs. I want to turn the music up loud. I want to blast theology. L.O.B. wants to blast black guys. No, it's more about where we go afterwards. We all have little appointments and places we scatter through. That's true. That is true. Never thought of it. It's a true statement. Let's see. M1, paparazzi from Oceanside. Hi. Morning. Good morning. First of all, Since we're talking about gas, have you actually broken down how much you spend in a year on gas? I don't want to. Don't tell me, please. In fact, it's a good point, M1 Paparazzi, because when you go to buy a car nowadays, the sticker on the window that tells you how much the car is gives you an estimated price of annual gas you'll spend on that car. Wow. My company vehicle, we spend about $10,000 a year on my company vehicle. Good thing you're not paying it, right?

17:16Oh, yeah, thank God. That's a lot of money, though. That's a lot of dough. Yes, it is. Thank you. Well, one of my buddies has a weird thing with his girlfriend, slash whatever you want to call her, where she has to be on the phone with him when she goes to bed. Nah, that's another topic. I like it, but call me later with that. I like it, but I've got to stay on topic right now. All right. I like that, though. Call me later. All right, you got it. Stay on gas. I'm with Zach from Oceanside. What up? Hey, we were talking about the gas prices over in San Diego and up in Oceanside, man. They are $435 a car. Oh, wow. Oh, my gosh. And I have to put premium in my car. I do, too. I don't. It's ridiculous. It cost me... Well, in fairness to us, though, Jay, you ride a horse. It's a Model T. It's a Model T. We saved some money on that. Well, that's a lot, dude. I'm sorry you're paying that much up there. That's brutal. Yeah, you're telling.

18:19me i'm not even from around here and so this is shocking that's a good hey listen that's another reason that you want to be listening for me to say the word brutal because when i do you qualify for 125 bucks in arco gas gift cards we got five of them were given to somebody on friday that's killer that uh wins word of the day between now and friday yeah turn for it right on thanks dude all right thanks Aztecs won Saturday night, right? Yeah, man. They beat Colorado State 66-48. They are going to share the Mountain West Conference title with BYU. So those two teams battled it out. Actually, the Aztecs lost. That would be kind of tough for me as BYU. You beat the Aztecs twice, and you have to share the title with them. But that's how it shook out. They will go to Las Vegas to play the tournament, the conference tournament, and then on to the NCAA tournament. Hey, did you hear the thing about BYU's honor code and these kids breaking the honor code and stuff like that? Really a controversial topic right now that I am so into. Yeah. Well, his name is Brandon Davies. He was a centerpiece of that team. Great, great player. So BYU has this thing. It's called the honor code, and I can run down it really quickly for you what it is.

19:38Be honest, live a chaste and virtuous life, obey the law and all campus policies, use clean language, respect others, abstain from alcoholic beverages, tobacco, tea, coffee, and substance abuse. Wow. Participate regularly in church services, observe the dress and grooming standards, encourage others in their commitment to comply with the honor code. So this guy, Brandon Davies, had sex with his girlfriend. How do we know? I think he admitted it. Okay. He told someone. He told somebody. Who turned him in. Yes, I believe that's what happened. It doesn't say exactly, but he has basically come out and said, yeah, that's what it was. So they booted him. They booted him off the team. They kicked him right off the team. No warning, no nothing. BYU basketball. Brandon Davies. So he was, dude, he was. He's a great, great player. You got the code, so it doesn't matter how good you are. So wasn't there some NBA guys that were tweeting about it? Omari Stoudemire goes to Twitter, weird, and says, quote, I'm going to read you his tweet. Don't ever go to BYU. They kick a young, educated black brother out of school. The kid had premarital sex. Not suspended, not release. Wow. P.S. With his girlfriend. Come on, BYU. Don't kick the kid out of school. Let's be honest. He is in college. Let the kid live a little.

21:02Okay, Amare. Good point. Don't go to BYU. Right. Don't go to BYU if you don't want to live by that policy. Yeah, so I guess... But if that's a policy, though, I mean... It's in the honor code that says live a chaste and virtuous life. That means no premarital sex. Being chaste means not doing... Chastity. Chastity. Well, here's the other thing. You will find if you are... numbered among the people right now that are going, oh, that is so stupid. Give me a break. This kid was kicked out of school because he had sex with his girlfriend. Give me a break. He's kicked off the team. He's kicked off the team. Give me a break. You may be the same person that wants to find a little loophole in the old manual for the school to use for yourself. Like in the movie The Social Network. Remember in the movie The Social Network, the twins, in the movie that invented, they actually came up with the idea for Facebook. Mark Zuckerberg stole the idea. Stole. Stole. According to the movie. According to the movie. Stole the idea. You corrected yourself. Good for you. According to Mark Zuckerberg, or according to these guys, Zuckerberg stole the idea. Okay. They found this thing in their handbook for Harvard that says, there shall be no stealing.

22:34While you go to school here. And they wanted to use that, you know, to sue Zuckerberg. Right. Because they were finding dead ends. They weren't, you know. And that's fine. I mean, if they were able to, the dean of the school in the movie said, get out of my office. You guys are clowns. But it works both ways. Well, you know, he is going in front of a review committee to decide whether or not they'll allow him to stay at the university. Now, I have an issue with that, I think. Getting kicked off the team, I don't. Getting kicked out of school, I do, for some reason. I don't get it, man. I mean, it's not the athletic policy. It's the school policy. I don't get why I wasn't kicked out of school. The honor code might be part of the athletic policy. No, it's the undergraduate handbook. Oh. Yeah. What are we talking about? I know. You're right. Yeah, I guess it doesn't matter. I mean, I guess if that's the deal, he's got to get booted. I don't know. It just seems pretty harsh kicking a kid out of college. Well, then why have it in there?

23:34I know. I'm sure he's the only one doing it, too. Oh, boy. No, I'm sure plenty are. Okay. They're just not dumb enough to talk. Well, maybe they shouldn't talk about it. I mean, if they do talk about it, then. Dude, I mean, that's the thing is, that's the wrong school to screw around in. It's just the wrong place to do it. It's the first rule of sex club. It's the first rule of sex club is don't talk about sex club. You idiot. Brandon, what's the matter with you? Breaking the first rule. And you go to BYU, bro. You're not going to Chico State. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Chico Stadium. You idiot. I'm sure he chose it because they're, you know, traditionally a good basketball school. Yeah, sure. But he didn't think, hey, it'll come back to bite you. The honor code is there. That's right. You know, Tim Tebow has come out also in support of Brandon Davies and said, I do always think that people definitely deserve second chances because no one is perfect. We mess up every day. There should be a punishment, but I don't know that he should. Maybe. I don't know.

24:34I don't even know the situation. I always think about giving people a second chance. Yeah, sure. I do, too. The suspension or something. We had that in our school for athletics. The honor code? Yeah, if you got caught drinking or doing anything considered misconduct, you'd be suspended from the team. Sure. Not the school, though. No. Right. That was how we had it, too. It makes sense. You got a problem with it, just don't go there. Yeah, don't go to BYU. If that's your bet. Did you guys know Miley Cyrus is the host of Saturday Night Live? I did. I have her monologue. I purposely haven't listened to it. I have the audio, but I purposely haven't listened to it because I wanted all of it. Let's listen together. When we come back. Miley Cyrus, the host of Saturday Night Live this weekend. I was at Statler Brothers, the grocery store yesterday, and was in the magazine section looking for some car mags. Weird. Weird.

26:13and saw a magazine cover with a beautiful girl, and I actually thought that it was Fiona Apple made up to look real pretty. And so I look closer, and I go, oh my gosh, that's Miley Cyrus. She looked beautiful. Woods is making a face, like, you know, a weird face, like he's trying to imitate her face, and it's not very appealing. That's not appealing to you? No. I know what you're doing. But I think she's a pretty girl. How old is she now? Probably 44 or something like that. No, she's getting prettier. She's getting prettier. She was all boob on Saturday Night Live. Yeah, she was. Oh, my goodness. Boob-erific. That's her bit now. She's really going for that. Her bit? It is. I mean, her thing now is I'm not a little kid and I'm going to show the world that I'm sexy and got boobs. It's like I'm not a girl, but I'm not yet a woman. It's kind of her thing. She thinks she's a woman.

27:11Is that what they all do? I don't think they all do that. I don't think Natalie Portman did it. You're right. Natalie Portman stayed classy, San Diego. She's the go-to. Stayed classy. I was thinking the same thing in my head. Mikey, that's all we got, dude. I know. Natalie Portman, who stayed classy? Didn't she get knocked up and she wasn't married? What? No. Did she? Yeah. She's pregnant right now with someone that she's not married to. Great. Now I can't use anybody. Amy Adams. Has she stayed classy? She's that chick from the Enchanted movie. Yeah, she stayed classy, right? Lindsay Lohan. No. No, no. All right, let's listen to her monologue. We're here hosting Saturday Night Live. The cast is amazing. Tonight we have guests and a show. She sounds petrified. Just shaking. She doesn't just sound nervous. She sounds petrified. I'm going to start it again. It's great to be here hosting Saturday Night Live. The cast is amazing. Tonight, we have guests and a show, and I'm ready to go, so I guess that's pretty cool. She's doing an impression of the bit that they do of her. Yep. Oh. There's a girl that goes, that's pretty cool. It's funny. I did a show for a long time called Hannah Montana. Yeah! You know, it explores two sides.

28:42For all the eight-year-olds in the audience here at Saturday Night Live. The same girl. Normal by day, rock star by night. It's like the Disney Channel's version of Black Swan. I've been in the public eye for almost half my life, and I'm mostly a white swan kind of girl, but I've had a few Black Swan moments. I love it. You know, I've never been arrested or anything. My scandal's more like Miley and some girl were chewing on the same Twizzler. Someone took a photo, and now it's all over the Internet. And, you know, that may upset some people. And for that, I'm truly sorry. Well, there was also Miley taking nude photos for the cover of Vanity Fair. There was Miley smoking a bong. There was Miley kissing chicks. So there's more than... Sexting. She gets into all of the above, my friend. Let me put it this way. There's a photo of me being kissed by a dude. And Annie Leibovitz tried to get me nude. For those of you who think that's very crude, I'm sorry that I'm not perfect. I never stole a necklace or got a DUI. Never cheated on my wife like that golfer guy. So what you can see, a little boot from the side. I'm sorry that I'm not perfect. And sure.

30:03I danced, oh, and people called it sinning. But at least I didn't date. And tell everyone I'm with. Take a dirty tape and pass it along. You didn't text a photo of your dumb. Don't both of these things seem worse than a bone. True. Wave the crowd up to cheer. Okay, Miley. So if I understand you correctly, perfect would mean. Not stripping on a pole, not taking naked pictures of Nanny Leibowitz, not smoking a bong. That's the qualification for perfect. So maybe Charlie Sheen right now could be going, hey, listen, I didn't kill Loatians and eat their heads like Jeffrey Dahmer did.

31:17Sorry, I'm not perfect. I didn't cut my wife's head off like OJ. I didn't cut my husband's penis off like Lorraine Bobbitt. So, hello, I guess I'm not perfect. Sorry. I'm winning. In fairness to her, she didn't write a word of her monologue. That's true. She's young. She was growing up in Hollywood. Stuff happens. Didn't happen to Natalie Portman. Natalie Portman can get out of town. She's ridiculous. You know what was clear to me when she was singing that monologue? Absolutely they don't add any effects to her when she's producing her albums or anything like that. Now see, that's the one thing I was like, she actually sings pretty. She's got a good voice. She does. Did you listen to that and go... Oh, my gosh. It's a terrible singer. She sounds like an actress who, oh, yeah, she can get by with a singing voice. Oh, I thought she did not sound like a pop star. Oh. Well, I mean, I never thought she has a bad voice. I thought she sings okay. Her voice sounds like a 60-year-old woman. Really? Oh, she's been partying. Don't make fun of raspy voices. No, it's not that. What? It's just deep and sounds like.

32:31The bit is... Her bit there? I'm not going to be accountable. A hundred. Douche. She's fine. It's not her bit. She doesn't bother Michael's bit. Kids be kids. Yeah. You didn't do anything dumb when you were kids? Yeah, I did. Okay. But the difference is that I go, yeah, I shouldn't have. So did she. I go, boy, that was a good time is what I think. Here's the deal. Great. At least you're honest. But... The thing that I don't like about it is the whole like, yeah, okay, so I robbed a bank. I'm not perfect. Sounds like a Woods argument. Okay, okay. And maybe it isn't robbed. And that's the deal. It's like, no, no, no. I didn't rob a bank. So that means it's okay. Right. I didn't sell dong. I didn't go out with porn stars and then say winning like Charlie Sheen. What did she do though? She kissed a girl. She kissed a girl. Okay.

33:30Smoked a bong. Maybe I've done that. Might have done that. Wait, wait, wait. The qualification for whether or not it's good or bad isn't whether or not Jay did it. I did it too. That don't make it right. And the problem that I have with it is I got a niece who's all about Miley. She's all about Miley. So now she's like, oh, cool. I want to be like Miley. So I want to smoke bongs, kiss broads, strip on stripper poles. Now, whether or not you think all that stuff is okay is up to you. I'm just saying, for me, I wish that I didn't have to contend with it, and I think there's parents that have got to contend with it. I just don't even expose my kids to that part of her, though. You can't avoid it. Oh, I mean, I did successfully. I've got three grown kids that... you know, don't dance on poles. And as far as you know, well, things though, like you will let your kids watch MMA and stuff like that. And that's fighting and that's a bad influence. I mean, that's just as bad, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, you just have to teach them. I see a difference between what I won't let my kids watch and what I won't take my kids to is a couple. Hey, let's go find a couple of dudes fighting out in the street and watching. It should be fun. Yeah. I don't let the, uh,

34:51the stars be the people who influence my kids I let my wife and I be the ones who teach them and tell them what they think what they should be learning and what they should be doing and it seems to be working and you should but the problem that you can't escape is that when you say I don't let celebrities influence my kids too late they do you don't have any control over that celebrities are going to influence our kids it's unavoidable now the fact that you have four good kids is pretty rad well we don't know about jasper yet let's just tap the brakes there tap the brakes the fact that you have four good kids really says a lot about you as a parent no doubt about it it does and i and i think you're a terrific dad i've seen you and i think you're a terrific dad thanks uh but it also says a lot about those kids you know i may have three kids that i will raise as good as i can And 15 years from now, you guys might be hearing Ryan Esparza arrested for, you know, vehicular manslaughter. Who knows? Yeah. I mean, I'm going to do the best to raise him, but kids be kids. It's a dice roll. It's a dice roll. Yeah, maybe try to stress to them that celebrities are just people that make mistakes. Yeah, like we put our pants on one leg at a time, LLB. You know what I mean? I'm not in that category. Oh, wow. One leg at a time. That's creepy. Uh-oh.

36:16Somewhere strange right there. I take mine off. I like to just jump out of my pants. Actually, the Velcro ones, they're just, whoop, bam, they're off. I wear basketball pants to bed, and I just pull them off in one fell swoop. I pant when I take my pants off. How ironic is that? Oh, my God. I take these never out of breast. You have boobs, Jay? Neither are you, Sienna. That's what I meant. Oh, my God. I wouldn't shy away from a fire. Hot. I always say. What is this, a roast? Keep working at it. You'll get it here. Rub it, rub it. My equipment never just freeze. I think it's your fingers.

38:26Let's see. Brilliant. Some very interesting stuff happening this weekend. Jay took Jasper, his eight-year-old, on a mountain bike ride. Weird. Big time ride. Whoa. That would have made some of his adult friends cry. Woods. Yeah. You would not have made it. Wouldn't I have? No. I guarantee you. Do you think you would have? Woods. Yeah. You do? Yeah. There's no way. You can't even walk a flight of stairs. But if Jasper is there, I can do it. In defense to Jay, you can't walk a flight of stairs. Yes, I can. In defense to Jay. I couldn't walk 600 stairs after surfing for an hour. This is like a two-mile climb that he did. He only had to get off his bike twice. I could do it. I'll do it. Let's go. I'm in. What's he? I'm going to do it. I don't want your heart to explode. It's not going to. I'm fine. I'm in good shape. He's going to be fine. He's not going to be fine. Woods will be great. He will? Yeah. I can get it. If Jasper did it, I can do it. I took a buddy that's a firefighter on it yesterday on the same ride, and he was like, you took Jasper on that? Never mind, man. Never mind. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. If I were to have said, are you willing to put $100 down on Woods, I've got $100 on Jasper, to do a two-mile uphill bike ride? You're taking Woodsy. Wait.

39:44Jasper got to stop twice and get off. Does Woods? Sure. But he didn't get to rest. What did he do? He pushed his bike. He pushed his bike up the hill, the part he couldn't climb. Done. I would put money down on Woods. Oh, this would be good. Oh, my gosh. You're taking who? Woodsy. He's an eight-year-old with a lot of energy. He's a natural. He's also eight years old. He's not like the other eight-year-old. It's the craziest thing, but he has got this crazy ability. This is his sport. He's found it. Really? It's his hobby. No, it's going to be a sport. I'm going to get him racing. It's a sport. It's a hobby. It's a sport. It's a race. Look at Armstrong, dude. Yeah, look at him. Guys. Is he going to juice PEDs, too, real good? What if he has an extra chamber in his heart? Like Lance. Like Lance. Yeah. It's called human growth hormone. That is true. Jasper's impressive. Could be. In defense to Woodsy, it is called human growth hormone. Yes, it is. I don't think they've proven anything yet. Not yet. Hey, Woods watched that movie 127 hours this weekend. So did I. You did? Yeah. We almost watched it. I'm so uncomfortable. Oh, my God. For, like, hours, I was freaked out. Lauren, have you seen it? No, I have not. How about you, Jay? Have you seen it? Oh, yeah. I saw it a long time ago. For those of you that don't know, Dateline covered the story a while back, and it's the story of this guy that went hiking one day in Utah, and he went into a crevasse. Crevasse. Oh, my gosh. And slipped, a boulder fell, and pinned his arm in between the wall of the crevasse.

41:10And the big boulder. And he had a videotape camera with him and he videotaped himself and he was there for 127 hours and he was saying goodbye to his family and finally he got up the courage to cut himself out. I fast forwarded. Cut his arm. I watched it. I didn't. Don't say too much. Don't say too much. You know the arm that they use in the movie? They use four arms and they were worth $10,000 each. Really? Holy cow. They look so real? Yeah, they look so real. Oh, my gosh. I want to see it so bad. Bro, I was like, all right, this is going to be boring. It's a guy in a cave. That's what I thought. Dude, the way they do it is awesome. It's awesome. It was awesome. Because I was like, listen, I mean, aren't you going to get bored of seeing him be like, oh, no. Really? No way, dude. I wasn't bored for one second. Flashback scenes and him interacting with the camera. I was not bored for one second. Well, I was nominated for best picture. I had to fast forward through the part. And he was an Oscar nominee as well. Yep. Best actor. I can't wait. Oh, man, that was good. I can't wait to see it. It's really good. I was so skeeved out for like, I mean, three hours after. It did. It's skeevy. It is skeevy. It was.

42:20Made you cry, though. Made Jamie and I cry. Don't tell me. I didn't cry. I feel you're giving away too much. Yeah, I don't want to know. You guys all feast. I didn't know that it was going to get me. It's a true story that was all over the news. It's not like we're giving anything away. I know, but I didn't know I'd cry at the end. I'm not telling you Bruce Willis finds out he's a dead guy. This guy still climbs, too. The guy still climbs, and he still hikes. He was just on Minute to Win It, and he's doing all this stuff with that cook guy. I don't know what any of that meant. Watch it. 127 hours of James Franco. Watch it. Yeah. It just came out on demand. Two thumbs up. One from me, one from Sienna, one from Jay. That's three. That's three thumbs up. Or thumbs up. Three thumbs up. Thank you, Laura. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for putting Jay on the show. Thank you. I would know not to get in a predicament like that by watching Man vs. Wild. He's taught me. Don't go into crevasses. What do you think I told Jamie? I've learned so much. Yeah, what do you think I told Jamie? I go, you know what that doesn't happen to? The fat guy on his couch eating KFC. Yes. Watching TV. Yeah. No problem there. True story. Man vs. Wild, by the way, has jumped the shark officially. There's a new season of it right now. It's terrible. Oh, no. It's one of my favorite shows. It's terrible. What are they doing? Dude, they've now... I wish that I could just have input and I tell them, this is what you do. Man vs. Wild is a show where he goes out...

43:37And he puts himself in dangerous situations and gets out of it. And he eats weird stuff to stay alive. Well, they've now run out of ideas. So now what they're doing is they'll now bring in big air machines and create rain. I'm like, I don't stop it. They do? Dude, it's just terrible. How do you know? Because they show you. They go, you know, we're going to recreate this. We're going to simulate rain? We're going to simulate a windstorm. Stupid. That is lame. Terrible. Terrible. It used to be so good. It's a freaking lame sauce. I talked my wife into getting a new computer. You are a monster. This was to lessen the blow of you buying a new iPad. Yes. That's not a true statement. Yes. It isn't. Did you want the computer she's getting, but you knew you couldn't have that and the iPad, so you talked her into getting it? No. Really, dude. Really. You guys know me. Would I tell you? I'll tell you. Even if at the expense of me looking like a monster. Okay. That's true. So you guys want to know why I did it? Yes. I wanted the experience of going down to Apple and getting a new computer. Wow. Thank you back there in the back. Thank you balcony. Oh, I love you in the balcony. Thank you so much. I'm serious. Thank you, Sienna. You have an addiction, my friend. You have a problem. Like just because you wanted to feel good and buy an Apple product. So fun.

45:07Now you're using your wife. That's unabusing. But I had to give a good argument. I had to give an argument. In two years or so, you're going to be doing your thing on Friday and it's going to sound like this. I used to just want to buy Apple products all the time. Thankfully, I don't have that anymore. I had to go. I had to get help. The members gave me an intervention. Could be. There's no question. How many Apple products do you have? 50. Yeah, I think he may be worshipping a false god. Oh, boy. He pulled that card. Wow. To Steve Jobs. Yeah. He just pulled that card. I know he did. He just pulled that card. He's a cruel man. He's a cruel, cruel guy. It's weird that you have the Apple logo on a necklace. I know. Yeah. But you don't even have a cross. I don't have an Apple logo. It's so weird. This will be the end of the intervention. I'll be on. I haven't bought an Apple product. I'm proud to say one full year. So I just, the people at the Sober Valley Lodge were really winning. I haven't gotten an Apple product now for one full year. I'm just really happy. When Mikey came to me and said, Charlie, I need your help. I need your help. And you've been addicted to everything under the sun, including yourself, Charlie Sheen. Yeah.

46:34I took it by myself to help him. He's a sad, pathetic case. Charlie let me move into his pool house. He was like my Mexican Kato. I was like his Mexican Kato Kaelin. Every day he'd come out there and he'd let me have the computer for one hour less each day. What I did was I weaned him off of it. Like I had to get people to wean themselves off of me. Charlie Sheen. Good work. With my brain. That's right. Eventually it worked. Yeah, you know, you come in here and use your head and you figure it out. Yeah. Good work. I hope for a full recovery. Thank you. Scoreboard doesn't lie. Never has. So is Rebecca excited about this laptop or are you? It was time. Listen, her laptop weighed me. Was it a year old? No, I'm not a year old. Six months. No, see, she's opposite of me. So her laptop, first of all, weighed as much as a Volkswagen. Like mine. All right. Yours does not. Yeah, you're crazy, Woods. He's got me. He's got me. He's in my blood now. Mikey is. I'm like, that's too thick. It's too thick. It's too thick. That's that. That's that. L.O.B. And then L.O.B. looks at me with eyes that go, right, Mike? That's so ridiculous. Yeah. The one I got her now is half the size, weighs half as much, and has double the space on it. The air? No.

48:05No, it's a MacBook Pro, but they're better. And she's excited. Yep, she is, actually. Yes, she was. Of course she is. Let's see. What do I got? Sienna had something funny. She got a new washer and dryer yesterday, which I love. She said that it's going to take 10 days to get delivered. She's like, what happened to next day delivery? We went down there, Todd and I, with a baby. And picked it out, and it's a whole ordeal. And Sunday at one of these stores is madness. Sears? Lowe's. Lowe's. And, yeah. It's going to take 10 days at least to get there. I'm like, what? So we have a broken dryer, so I don't know what I'm going to do. Front loader or top loader? Front. Except you wanted the top. I actually told you. See, I just think old stuff worked better. Yeah. Well, the washer and dryer we have right now is like. really old. We needed new ones. It was my grandparents. But it worked like a... Oh, it was great. For like 50 years. They don't make them like that anymore. It was like 30 years old. This thing was amazing. That's how a lot of Todd thinks it was that old. But anyway, we got the front load ones and now we went home and then measured.

49:17And we don't know if it's even going to fit in the kitchen. Oh, no. Oh, no. I know. Oh, no. And so that was just a fight last night. Well, let's do it this way. Let's do it this way. Well, it's not going to look good like that. And I'm like, oh, God. It's just a nightmare. Oh, no. It's a nightmare. That's a nightmare. So now do I have to go back and pick out another one? I've had people, just like Sienna, have told me, got a new washer and dryer. And I always say to them, does it work really good? And they go, nope. Yeah. Ours sucks. I got the Whirlpool. The Whirlpool. Ours looks cool. Ours looks real sharp. And then you have to dry everything four times to get to work. All the ones that we used growing up, and I won't mention any names, but they were all bought out by other companies and they put in cheap parts now. Rhymes with Baytag? Yes. Yeah, I heard not to get one of those. Yeah. Not to get Maytag? No. No, they don't make them like they used to. There was actually a woman in the store, and Todd said, oh, Maytag, they've been around forever. And the woman said, do not get one of those. She's another customer. Oh, she said, I got one, and it broke after two months. Yeah, we did the same thing. We actually had it for almost a year, and then it just fell. We had it repaired four or five times. Yeah, Whirlpool, I think it is. It looks real nice. Yeah, Rebecca and I have a friend, Amy, had beautiful Bosch.

50:34Washer and dryer. Front loader. Looked gorgeous. I go, does that thing work with you? She goes, no, it sucks. Yeah. I go, why? She goes, because when you close the door, your clothes stink. Right. Yes. Like, you know, like musty. Yep. And she goes, and it doesn't dry the stuff. Yeah. They're too high tech now. They are. I'm not sold to the front loaders. Go old school. Old school, man. You guys may have sold me because I think we need to go back because I don't know if the ones we got are going to fit in the way. Go back, cancel, and go old school. Definitely top load. Babe, I hope you're listening. Make that right. Go back to Lowe's today. I can't do it again. You know what Ustream is? No. It's the thing that it's almost like you can do your own TV. You know, it's a video stream and anybody can sign on to it and watch it. And that's what Charlie Sheen's doing now. He's doing a Ustream. You're kidding. Well, his lawyers told him, don't do any more press. Weird. About time. And so he's like, fine. I don't have to. I'll do you string. I'll do you string. You know what he's calling it? What? Sheen attack. Sheen's corner. Sheen's corner. Hello, it's me, Charlie Sheen. I'm here with Sheen's corner. Hey, Charlie, you know how that'll work? Now. If you hired the people that write Two and a Half Men to write that. No, they're idiots. They're trolls, and I'm a warlock, and I'm in a fight. Paris Hill tweeted about it. She's like, I can't wait to see Sheen's corner. That's my girl. She's a goddess. We have audio.

52:03We have audio of Sheen's Corner. This should be good. We'll do that next. Sheen's Corner. Just a minute. Can't wait. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, big story in San Diego. A stalker is on the loose. His name is Martin Rouse Jr. He was convicted of felony stalking charges back in 2009. He was in a relationship. It ended. Started stalking the victim. And now he has cut off his GPS tracker. That can't. Be easy. No, it cannot be, or else it would be done more often. I can teach how to do it in a heartbeat. They say that the victim is in grave danger because this guy is just nuts, so they have security with him, but they describe him. Again, his name is Martin Rouse Jr. He is 41 years old. He has brown hair, brown eyes, 5'9", weighs...

53:27145 pounds. But more than anything, he has a tattoo of a skull. Yeah. He has a tattoo of a skull with a cowboy hat on his left shoulder. If you see any information, sdcrimestoppers.com is who to let know. Also, there's been a Mazda recall on the Mazda 6 sedan. Would you like to know why? Why? Spiders. What? What? Yellow sack spiders. Like to build their nests in part of the fuel system, which will prevent air from getting into the gas tank. So, yellow sack spiders. There's been over 20 cases reported in the Mazda 6 sedan. What the heck? They're recalling over 52,000 automobiles. Imagine you're driving down to five and spiders start coming out of the AC dump. Yellow. I crashed. I'd rather be dead. Look at that thing. Let me see it. Let me see it. Oh, my God. I have a picture of it. What's going on in sports? I don't even know if I can talk now. That freaked out so bad. Well, over the weekend, Carl Edwards won the Sprint Cup Cobalt Tools 400 at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. He almost won the Daytona 500, but came in second. Here he is talking about his win, Cut 2.

54:48To get out to a good start, to have a win right away, you start to build that padding that you need in case you don't make it in the top ten in points. You want to be in that wild card position based on wins. So that's huge for us. And now we've got a week off, which will be nice. It'll be cool to kind of gather everything up and go to Bristol and try to do it again. Yeah, feast on that. And the Padres are opening their season at Petco Park in less than a month. On April 5th, they will be taking on... the world champion, San Francisco Giants. It's got to be Tim Lincecum against Matt Latos day one. I'm going to try to make it to opening day. That's going to be awesome. That's pretty rad. That's going to be awesome. Single game tickets for regular season go on sale tomorrow at 9 a.m. So make that right, M1s. Let's fill that place this year. M1 is a Mikey Show listener. When you call in, you turn your radio down, get to the point, don't cuss. You're part of M1 Nation, and it is a growing nation. It's a grassroots effort to make this show the most popular show in the history of San Diego, and it's being done by you guys. So thank you, and continue to do it. Let's see. The word of the day is burro.

55:51Burro. Burro. So when you hear me work the word burro into a sentence between now and 10, caller 9 will get a four-pack of tickets to the Nationwide NASCAR Series at California Speedway. Plus, you will also get a pair of glasses. But because gas is at an all-time high right now and it's costing so much money to fill your tank, the Every Word of the Day winner this week will qualify for... $125 worth of gas cards from Arco. Nice. Yep. Killer. So there you go. Get ready for it. Let's see. So Charlie Sheen. He's got a Ustream, which is basically something you can watch on your computer. He does it out of his house. Here's him opening the show. Good evening, everyone. From Sherman Oaks to Wine Gardens to the gas giant Jupiter. And, of course, from my big, beautiful warlock brain, welcome to Sheen's Corner. You're either in my corner or you're with the trolls. Wow. I swear. He has the same mic as you have, Mikey. What do you mean? The mic you use at home? Yeah. He has the same one. He does? Mm-hmm. He uses the same one? It's a good mic, but that's not a... Ugh. Warlock minds think alike. I guess so. Maybe he should talk into it. Yeah. Six feet back from it.

57:22Here he is describing what the show is like. So I think what needs to be discussed here is that tonight is a bit of an experiment of sorts. We're going to give you little snapshot views into the things that you're going to be seeing from week to week, from day to day perhaps. That all depends on how many of you show up and insist that we stay on the air all the time. So you got a bunch of people there with him or something? I think he does because I know at one point they start to chant winning. His entourage? Listen to this. What do you think it is? A tattoo? Yes, it is. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. What? Because guess what we're doing? Guess what we're doing all day. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning

58:14Winning. Everyone out there who thinks that they've been winning along with us, who's been supporting this entire movement, that is, in fact, winning. I want you to go to your window. Is it movement? Yes. I don't know what the movement is. Movement is winning. Yeah. I want you to open it, because if you don't, then nobody can hear you. And I want you to... You ever say stuff and everybody thinks it's funny? Yeah, right? You ever just pay to laugh? Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. Winning. You know what I love the most about that is that there's absolutely nothing annoying about it. I almost think it's a bit. What's a bit? His whole thing. That's what I'm saying. It sounds like he goes into that. He just made fun. He goes.

59:15Don't forget, tying is losing. Losing. You know, and it goes into that, like, persona and voice and everything. I think he's just lost his mind. Yeah. I think he's lost his ever-loving mind. I don't know. It could be a little bit of a stroke of genius. A little Joaquin. Could be. Well, but what's the point? So that more people than ever go watch Two and a Half Men when he gets back on the air. This is already winning. Yeah, it was already number one, though. Well, maybe he had an original fallout with them, and, you know, now it's like, well. Let's just make this thing a monster. That's an interesting theory, but could it also be that he beat up a hooker in New York City and got in trouble for it? It could be that he's a complete train wreck. The whole crazy thing could be a little bit of an act, is what I think. Possibly. Could be. Witches are mad at him. Witches? Witches be crazy. It's true. Like warlocks. Witches and warlocks? Yeah, there's a... Charlie Sheen, you know, talks about how he's a warlock. He's just getting everybody mad. But he made a statement, Vatican assassin warlock. That's what he referred to himself as, a Vatican assassin warlock. And a warlock from a community in Salem, Massachusetts. He goes by the name Christian Day. Is the pope like, why do you have to bring me into this? Christian Day, he's a practicing warlock. And he said that Charlie Sheen's statement was, quote, blatant, offensive against our ways of teaching. You know, just saying that.

1:00:39They're outraged and he's making them sound bad. I think he's doing it all on his own. Oh, yeah. What a lunatic. He said that Sheen gave the impression that warlocks are raging when in fact we are peaceful and enlightened. I don't think anyone was under the impression that a warlock was peaceful and enlightened. Yeah, I didn't really have any warlock impressions. I didn't even give him a second chance. Yeah. Second thought. Second thought. It reminds me of another Charlie. Used to run around in the 60s starting movements real good. Charlie. Charlie Manson. No. He's building a little following and people are following him around. He was winning back then at Spawn Ranch real good. Question. Yeah. Somebody suggested the other day that people are behind Charlie Sheen. And I don't get that. I'm starting to see people get behind him. I am too. More and more. Okay, so what you're saying is that people are starting to like it? Yes. I don't know. Because I thought everybody thought he was weird. He's weird. I'm sorry for him. But I don't know. He's speaking out against what everyone else...

1:01:54Oh, that's it. You know, like, he's standing up for himself. And that's what I heard. He's every man. You know, the media has a way of, like, capturing you and making you, you know, into what they want, and he's not letting that happen. Right. He isn't? Like, what is he doing? No, he's portraying himself how he wants to be. He's letting the crazy speak for himself. And he's, you know, doesn't care. Yeah. Well, I don't see, and that's what I heard, too. Because now that you say it, I'm like, oh, yeah, that's what I heard. Okay, so I heard that people. are latching onto this Charlie Sheen thing because he's speaking out against the man. Yes. He's speaking out against his boss and he's doing what we all want to do. And he doesn't care that he sounds crazy. And he doesn't care. He knows people think that. He doesn't care. But I'm looking at him like, well, dude, I mean, it's not like it's going to get you. Fast forward the tape. Yeah. Does this end good? I don't think so. I really don't. I mean, I think he's the poster child for what not to do. Yeah. If he says Pepsi, I go Coca-Cola. I heard him on a radio interview, and I heard some of the callers, and they were like, you're the man, dude. You're living the life. You're living the dream, man. You got those two chicks in that badass house, and you're my hero. I'm like, what? That's your hero. But people love an underdog, too. He is no underdog. He's no underdog. When he comes out of this, if he comes out of this.

1:03:15And he's like, you know what? I was crazy out of my mind and now I've gone through and I've done all this stuff to get better. Well, dude, see, now I disagree because I think he's so far over the edge now. There is no coming back doing a dateline saying, well, I was just really losing my mind. Had he come out after the hooker incident in New York and said, I'm really messed up. I need some help. Then he's an underdog. He's a clown now. So you're saying he has no chance of redemption. No, I really don't. I do not. I think this has gone way far beyond redemption. We've never seen anything like this, ever. This is Hunter S. Thompson. I mean, that guy was... beyond and people love to read about it. He's also an underdog in the sense that it's him against everyone else. Everyone else wants him to look like a total idiot and he doesn't care. He's going to do what he wants. He's made this bet. What do you think M1s? 5701949. I always think that somebody can have sense knocked into him and so I still think that he could have sense knocked into him at some point but I think that he is

1:04:26So sad. It reminds me a lot of the Britney Spears thing. And I rooted for Britney Spears after she shaved her head. I rooted for her to come back and get well and not be a head shaver. So I'm kind of rooting for Charlie to not be a warlock. Me too. Me too. I just think that he has gone so far over the edge. He could go to an actual rehab instead of his, you know, self-proclaimed rehab at his house. Silver Valley Lodge. And maybe some counseling. And I could see him being like, yeah, I just lost my way. But I'm back. I'm back. You know, I figured it out. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Gained some weight. Seems so far gone. I want to hear him say a year from now, that's what drugs and alcohol do. Yeah. Make you crazy. Make you crazy. That's why I'm glad I don't do that anymore. I kicked those girls out of my house. Yeah. Some of his winning news segment. Okay, this next story, this next story is fascinating. It's fascinating. Rick, why don't you tell us how fascinating this next story is? This is the story about eight people over 80 giving one man CPR and they were all smokers. Well, those are unconfirmed reports. You doing like a radio show or something? It's the worst thing I've ever heard.

1:05:48It's one of the worst things I've ever heard. Smokers. They did CPR for 90 minutes to save Howard Schnitzer's life. A photo of Howard? Can we go to a photo of Howard? Where is Howard? Howard. Winning. Clearly winning. You can't just do a radio show. You've got to have some sort of talent. It took me 24 years to figure it out. You can't just do one on the internet. Yeah. I'm still figuring it out. In fact, I heard something there where he's like, where's my... I'm like, wow, it's not like me. Where's the thing I'm trying to... Hey. Jay. Jay. I think he listens to the show is what's happening. Yeah. And now he's trying to emulate. He's trying to mimic. Yes. They also did a thing on Saturday Night Live, a winning segment.

1:06:54Of course. Up next on every channel and website, it's the new talk show, The Winning with Charlie Sheen. Welcome to Winning, a show for people who are tired of apologizing for their bitchin', gnarly rock star lives and are ready to celebrate being highly evolved warlocks. Say hello to my band leader, Miss Christina Aguilera. Winning. What's new with you, goddess? Things are pretty rough. I botched the national anthem. I fell down at the Grammys. And then this week I got arrested for public intoxication. You know what you really got arrested for? Public intoxic-winning. Duh. Great. Intoxic-winning. Sounds just like Christina Aguilera. I'm not a fan of SNL anymore. I don't know. It has its moments.

1:08:16You know what it is? I think it is. I think I'm getting old. No, I still like it. You do? Yeah. I don't think it's you, Megan. It's too shticky. They have a lot of shtick, and some of their jokes are really obvious and corny, like those right there. That was kind of corny. That was a little corny. You liked it? It was a little corny. A little corny. But that's what Christina Aguilera does. It's funny because it's true. Oh, man. Nah. Well, I wonder if the ratings were any good. I bet they were. I don't know if they have been in a while, but I watched most of that episode. It was pretty good. It was okay. Let's see. M1PJ from Carlsbad's on the line. Are you there, PJ? Yes, I am. What do you think? Good. I'm thinking Michael Vick. The media loves to forget as soon as they got a hero coming around again. Mm-hmm. He's got to clean up, though. Can't just love him for no reason. Got to make a change. Thank you. M1, Dave from OB. Hi. Thank you. It's pretty crazy. Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, the only reason they do it is because we like it. Yeah.

1:09:57The top story on CNN a couple weeks ago is when Justin Bieber got a haircut. Exactly. Yeah, that's pretty sad. That blew my mind. That's news. That's pretty sad. It blew my mind. You know why, though? Girl, what's wrong with that? There's a reason this is the top story. Why? People want to look at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People love my hair. Your hair? Yeah, they love my hair. Your hair? Yeah. They like your hair? Yeah, what's up? Why you say it like that? What? Her. What you mean? I said they like my hurrah. I ain't saying hurrah. You did? No, man. It's big news, man. When I get to hurrah cut. How dare you? How dare you? How dare you? How dare you? You driving? Just come in my kitchen, boy. You driving? What? Are you driving? Yeah, man. I got a Maybach and a Bentley. You're 16. That's right. Weren't you on YouTube? Is that the deal? Yeah. Usher found me. Uncle Usher. I just call him Usher. Oh, wow. You're 17 now. Happy birthday. That's right. Thanks. Happy birthday to you, girl. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. What? I'm not that interested in the thing in Wisconsin. No. I know. Maybe I'm just being honest, but I'm not really interested in the thing in Wisconsin. Nor am I. Well, I mean, it's one thing you read about it, and then you know, and then it's just for us, we want to talk and have fun, and you don't really.

1:11:20For us, it's not really easy to have fun. It's hard to make a bit out of, so did you guys hear about the thing that's going on in Wisconsin? It's not even that. It's not interesting, though. It's just not that interesting to regular folks. Protesting everywhere. Now, if you've got family in Afghanistan, Afghanistan is important to you and you want to know. If you don't have family in Afghanistan, a lot of times it's tough because, you know. It depresses you. You know why a lot of people I think like the Charlie Sheen story is because it makes you feel like, oh, I'm not that bad. I'm not crazy. But we should be. I think what he's saying is we should be more aware of what's going on in the world, even if it's not right in our own backyard. You know? Yeah. But I think that's just everyone. Everyone should be more aware. Yeah. But, you know. It's not entertaining at times. I feel so phony saying that. I mean, I just think we're conditioned to want to see entertainment and consider that news, but there is a vast difference between news and entertainment. You should be getting that on, like, E! and Access Hollywood, not CNN. Oh, boy. I couldn't agree with you more. That'll be because he's the only one on this show that really gets it, you know? He's the only one on this show that listens to PBS, and you should.

1:12:43No, instead, Mikey. Why do you hate me so much? He hates you. I don't know why. Because you love Bieber. Bieber. I don't love Bieber. You have Bieber fever, is that it? Should we take your temperature? Do you have Bieber fever? I don't have Bieber fever. I can be a Belieber at times. Oh, wow. But, no. I'm not the biggest Bieber fan. Do you even know what's happening in Darfur right now? No. That'd be the slightest idea. The Compians that are trying to... Win right now in the political party in Britain? Nope. Tell you about spring training, though. Of course you could. Sportster. Sporty. Matt Latos isn't off to a very good start. What is Matt Latos? He's supposed to be our ace. He's got a 1350 ERA in two games in the spring. He's just not throwing that well. Maybe every once in a while you just open the New York Times, perhaps, maybe. I do. I actually will read the New York Times a lot for the Yankees, because I'm a Yankee fan. I read what they have to say about it.

1:13:48I'm sorry. I just like what I like. I had leisure time this weekend. You did? Good. I read about antiquing. This is awful. Why are you playing the piano right now? Because I can. It's a concerto. There's something else. You're something else. You with all of your plebeian. Do you watch the MMA? Is that it? Like Mikey with the martial master arts or whatever? Mikey's a big fan of MMA. The martial master arts. I've tried, but I've gotten into it so much. Of course you haven't. It's a bunch of hamburger meat. Two animals beating on one another. Making each other into ground beef. I like stuff that I like. You know, that appeals to me. Pornography. Fair enough. But I don't, I don't, I'm trying, what I'm trying not to do is pretend to like stuff. Why don't you play a game of chess? Like you? Because I don't like chess. Why don't you turn off the television and play a game of chess? I don't like chess. Why do you think you're so much better than us? Because I am. You're not. I will play Scrabble on my wife's iPhone sometimes. Does that count? I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. Just a little bit in my mouth.

1:15:13Is that the black-eyed pea? I believe it is. Of course it is. It's one of your favorites. Yes, I just can't get enough of Fergie urinating on herself. I just can't get enough. I just can't get enough. What do you do if you're Cyndi Lauper and you're at a Buenos Aires airport and you're bored? You grab the PA and you start singing girls just want to have fun. Oh, boy. And we have the recording of it happening. Now that can't be. True. Can't make up stories for people. True story. Not kidding. We've got it. Next. Guess who, Sienna? You know. I got that audio of Cyndi Lauper in an airport grabbing the PA and singing girls just want to have fun. Who does that? Chances it's really high in my name. A hundred. Don't forget, Jared from createyourdesignonline.com is the premier graphic designer, in my opinion, in the United States. Winning. He's amazing. And if you want business cards or if you want a website done, it's the only choice.

1:16:58He's got tiger's blood. Yeah, he does. He literally has it dripping from his fangs. Yeah. I didn't call him. He'll be an idiot. He attacked a tiger. Yeah, he could kill a tiger and then do a portrait of it. He could kill a tiger and make a website about killing tigers. Yeah, if he wanted to. And then make a portrait print of it. Yeah. Of him standing over a dead tiger carcass. And it would look like an oil painting. Yeah, exactly. Winning. Okay, so Cindy Lauper. Lauper. Lauper. Cindy Lauper was bored and she was at the Buenos Aires airport waiting to take off. And she had a little time to kill. And so like anybody that has a hit song from 50 years ago, she grabbed the PA and started singing. I got to admit, her voice isn't that bad. I like how everyone.

1:18:42is just singing along with the chorus. Yeah. When she starts singing, they're like... Sounds like a party in there. I guarantee somebody put her up to it. They're like, come on, do it. Do your best. Do it. I would love it. It'd be funny. It'd be entertaining. You're bored at an airport? The opposite of flying low under the radar, I guess. I guarantee. They saw her little spiky hair, different colors. Yeah. Do it. Make it right. They saw Lou Albano sitting next to her with his rubber bands in his beard. And his head in his ears. Yeah. I think that's Cindy Lauper. 570-1949 is our number. This weekend was also when the Taking on Tyson came out. Oh, yeah. Yep.

1:19:42Do you know he likes pigeons? Yes. Loves them when he's grown up and used to raise them. And then they ask him, well, how come you like pigeons so much? It's a constant with my sanity in a weird way. You know, this is just what I do. I can't even explain why I have pigeons. It's in your blood and once it's in your blood, it's a wrap. Pigeon blood. I ain't going to mess. Hey, listen, you like pigeons? That's great. Have a ball. Have a ball. It's kind of like why you garden. You know, it's your Zen place. That is a true statement. Is it not? Do you not garden and get Zen? In Crocs. Woods is... Sienna. Yeah, loaded question. That's not loaded. That's a true thing. Woods is trying to point out that I... A Mexican. No. No. He loves to garden. You like to garden. You grow jalapenos and whatnot. Enchiladas. I don't grow enchiladas. You don't? Tamales. Tamales. You always bring them in every morning. You do not bring them in every morning. Why do you have a burlap sack full of enchiladas tied to your belt? Did you not bring a burrito this morning? Yes, I did. Yes, I did. He does bring. No, but you do like to garden.

1:21:02He brings us avocados a lot. Not as much as you should, but... What is a lot? I bring avocados one time. I was grateful. Mike Tyson talking about being bullied as a kid when he was a child. I never went to school because I got bullied all the time. That's why I got involved with people because I was skipping school to avoid the bullies. My life sucked as a kid. I was just bullied all the time. I hate my kid in my childhood life. But, you know, it is what it is. Who believes that guy? Yeah. I mean, he's probably skinny and scrawny. He grew to be that. Oh, well, he figured it out quick. Yeah, he did. Man, did he ever. I feel so bad because maybe he got messed up from it. Yeah. Oh, for sure. I don't think there's any question he did. How about some of this? Let's do some Woods of Wisdom. If you have a question, you can call. If you have a question for Woodsy. All right, so if you have a question for Woods, 570-1949. And Woods is our guy's guy. It could be about fashion. It could be about women. It could be about dating. It could be about, you know, guy stuff. Winning. Winning.

1:22:33People go to our website, MikeyShow.com. There's a little section there for Woods of Wisdom, and they send questions. Here's one of them. Woods, I found a Victoria's Secret catalog under my 10-year-old son's bed. Do I take it away? Do I embarrass him and talk to him about it? What should I do? M1 Roost. Wiener time. That's the 10-year-old you're talking about? Is that the norm, 10? No. Not for me, it wasn't. Younger for me. I was like... Five. I heard way younger. I looked at stuff, but I didn't do stuff. Yeah, I don't think we're talking about doing stuff. I think we're talking about looking stuff. Okay. Then, yeah, you have to take it away from him, especially because he knows it's wrong. He put it under his bed. He put it under his mattress. He knows you shouldn't be doing it. So if your kid is doing something he shouldn't be doing, you got to take it away from him. Yeah. He knows he's doing it or he's leaving it on his desk. Well, I call that an opportunity. Yeah. That's what that is. It's a teaching moment. Yeah, there you go. Why do kids put the stuff under the mattress? Your mom makes your bed. First of all, moms are like, I mean, that's like the number one place they look. I'm like, Mom, why do you have my mattress leaned against the wall? I was changing your sheets. Yeah. Why can I do it without lifting the mattress up? Yeah, why do you got to lift the mattress up and tear it open with a buck knife? I'm disturbing my playboys. Mom's what?

1:23:47Mom knows what they're doing. They do? Yeah. Of course they do. Find better hiding spots. Yeah, you got to take it away. You got to. What if he just likes to look at underwear? Maybe he's going to be like a fashion... Maybe he wants to be a designer. Designer, there you go. Take it away. I'll talk to him about it first. Yeah, the reason that I had that was because I want to be fashion design. Yeah, what if? Is that right? Yes, it is. Son. Yeah, Dad, I want to be fashion design. Maybe you look at dresses and skirts now. You get to undies in a few years. I'm not interested in design for the dress. I want to design the lingerie. Intimate apparel. Intimate apparel, yes. We have another problem. What is the problem? I don't know. There's no problem. There's no problem. Why don't you grab that copy of Sports Illustrated and read through that? Not interested in sport, Dad. I want to be the fashion design. Here, you should look at National Geographic. Yes. Don't want to. Try National Geographic. How about National Isaac Mizrahi? I think that's what I said. What did he say? Natural. Natural geographic. I said national. He said natural. He just took out a little natural geographic. It's all natural, isn't there? Natural optometric. Is that what it's called? You spit on me. Natural geographic. There we go. Thank you, Lord, for J. Isbell. It's just unending.

1:25:03Mess ups. Natural Geographic. He has a hard time with magazines. Maximum magazines. Maximum. That's right. Oh, boy. That's right. New Yorker Times. Nobody's going to miss your bodies at all. I know. Y'all seen Times Magazine? Times. I just read it in Times. Y'all seen the Walston Journal? I was looking through Kim's Victoria's Surprise magazine. It's called Vicky's Secret. Vicky's Surprise. Vicky's Surprise. Is it warm out here? It's cold in here. Last week I read in Newsweeds that they're here. This one says, Woods, my boyfriend is toothpick guy. Every time we go out to a restaurant, he puts a toothpick in his mouth like he's a country sheriff. God. Does your husband do that? Oh, my gosh. Everywhere you go, he finds a toothpick and he chews on it. It's my dad. And not just, like, real quick. He'll chew on it for a long time, even at the table. She says, it's embarrassing. He does it at nice places with my parents, and my dad probably thinks that he ropes cows.

1:26:23No. He says it's classy. Classy. It is classy. Let's not go crazy. She says, is it or is it hick on a stick? That's M1 Rena. It's your... First of all, Rena, why don't you relax a little bit and quit worrying about your guy chewing on a frigging toothpick. You ever just nitpick her? Yeah. You just nitpick him? He's going to leave you. You keep that mess up right now, I'll tell you. That's ridiculous. He's going to leave her? Yes! Hey, he's chewing on a frigging toothpick. He's not having goddesses in the house or anything. I know, but... One day he's going to wake up and go, will you please shut your mouth? All I'm doing is shoot on a toothpick. Leave me alone. Listen, babe, I need you to sit down. I've got to have a talk with you. Me? Your babe. Oh, okay. Do you forget who I am? Oh, no. Go ahead. I thought there was another person you were going to role play with. Go ahead.

1:27:28Can you take the belt off? No, no, no, no. Listen. Okay. It's over. What? Our relationship. Our relationship? No. I'm packed up everything. I'm done. What do you mean? You've brought up that toothpick one too many times. I haven't brought it up in a long time. You don't realize the impact that toothpick comment has on me. And I've had it enough, and I'm leaving you. Over the toothpick. Yes. For a woman. Who will not bring up the toothpick? Every woman's going to bring up the toothpick. You make love to the toothpick more than you did to me. That's not true. Yeah. I made love to you more than I made love to the toothpick. I don't know about that. See, now you're not sure. A minute ago you had a... I'm being facetious. You do make more love to the toothpick than to me. Every time we go somewhere. This is what I mean. I guess so. That's probably better.

1:28:32Oh, so now you're turning the tables on me? Yeah, you know what? Get out. No, I don't want to leave now. Well, then it's me or the toothpick. Well, this isn't fair. I was breaking up with you. Well, go then. Get. Oh, wow. No, now I want you back. Well, then you come back and you keep that wood out of your mouth. I'm telling you. She's going to drive him nuts, man. He's just chewing on a toothpick. Let him be. What's wrong with a toothpick? There's nothing wrong with a toothpick. My dad does the toothpick and I always thought it was kind of sharp because he used to go like make this noise. He would just kind of twirl it around. It's great. This is how I feel. When we're walking into a restaurant, I hope. that Todd doesn't reach for the toothpick on the hostess stand. When we leave, I'll grab a toothpick for him and he can have it. I just don't want him chewing that thing at the table. Holy cow. Having a conversation with a toothpick in your mouth. Santa, you have umbrella rules. Toothpick rules. Cargo short rules. Cargo short rules. All these rules. You know what?

1:29:34What? It makes you a better person. I freaking ran through rain because of you this morning. You did? I did too. Yes. Yes. I got so many emails from people saying that they did too. Shamed their husband out of it. She shamed me out of a freaking umbrella. Okay, look. None of you guys agreed with me until now. I shamed you. I still don't agree with you. I'm just shamed. So am I allowed to think what I think? About a toothpick? Yes. Let him chew the toothpick. Guy likes a toothpick. What's wrong with it? Okay. It looks a little WT if you're sitting at a table chewing on a toothpick. Now, like I said, I will reach for the toothpick. In fact, I take a few and put them in my purse because I know Todd loves the toothpicks. But after we leave the restaurant, not in the restaurant. You shouldn't chew a toothpick at the table before dinner. I think that you... Oh, no. Oh, boy. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, boy. All right. You think that I went by... Oh, boy. Oh, no. I think that it's possible that... Maybe you associate stuff with weird stuff. Like, you associate... Okay, you associate an umbrella with a wussy.

1:30:48And you associate a toothpick with WT. It's true. I could be completely a weirdo in this situation, but I'm just speaking my mind and letting you know how I feel. Do you say something to him? Like, babe, enough with the toothpick at dinner. Now he knows. He'll never do it again. He knows now. Now he knows. He doesn't do it very often at the table. I think I've shamed him from that. I do it all the time. But I didn't really ever complain. I would just, you know. I'd have a problem if you did it. Oh, yeah. You're a girl. It's a girl? If you're having a conversation with someone and being like, yeah, I think it's, yeah, I have a portfolio. It could be really distracting and kind of gross. Yeah. But if you're just doing it after dinner and you just kind of got it around. I'd be like, you deputy in El Paso? No, I'd do it. I think it's cool if you're a guy. You know me. I think Todd now chews on the straw. Of the drink. He takes the straw out because it's not cool for a guy to drink out of a straw. Yeah, no. M1 Kelly from Chula Vista has got a question for Woods. Hey, Woods. Hi, Kelly. Okay, how do I politely tell my husband that his gym shorts are way too short? Oh, wow. He's hot and everything, but they're just a little too short. I know. Here's the deal. I know exactly what you're talking about.

1:32:13I went one time with some good-looking sharp buddies of mine at my old job, and we were playing basketball, and I walked out of the gym, and they were like... Nice kneecap. Yeah, seriously. I was like, what, what, what? They're Nike. They're Nike. They're not ghetto. And they're like, easy. I mean, dude, they were semi-long. So, listen, you need to go to Sports Authority, and you need to buy Nike basketball shorts. Oh, hi. You're so teeny. And you just walk in and say, hey, babe. I got these for you. Your other ones are too short. Don't wear them again. Yeah, there you go. And just lay it out there. Oh, okay. But have them ready in his size and just go, hey, I got you. Show them the difference. Butt cheeks showing you. I mean, how short are they? I got you three pair. What if the glaciers, the white upper thighs? Oh, wow. What if she just bought the new shorts and just secretly took the old ones and got rid of them and he wouldn't know? He wouldn't notice. He would just see that there's new ones. My favorite shorts. What do you think, Kelly? Yeah, I think that's the best thing right now. You just tell him, hey, in that case, he's going to be so embarrassed and he's going to be stoked you have three new pair for him. Yeah. Be like, hey, babe, I love you so much. Your basketball shorts are way too short. Here's some new ones for you. Feast on these. Your dolphin shorts. Yeah. Your Speedos, I think, don't work at the gym. Yeah. Dude, that's a big one. Yikes. Thank you. Sounds good. Thanks, Woods.

1:33:38How about this one? Woods, is there ever a time when white tube socks are okay? Nope. I know you'll say in a gym, but honestly, is that the only time? There's no time when they're okay, not even a gym. Wait, you're crazy. Just to wear black socks at the gym? I wear short black socks. Are these tube socks? No. No, those are ankle socks. Jay wears tube socks. Yeah. Tube socks are socks that come up. They're everything. The opposite of those. If you're playing basketball and you're wearing high tops. No. You still wear ankle socks with your high tops. I don't agree. Yes, you do. Look at the NBA. They're wearing little ankle socks? Yes, absolutely. Look at the NBA. L.O.B. does. L.O.B., they're wearing... Those are probably really specially made to stay above their high tops. There's never a time for white tube socks, ever. I think so. They're out with the hula hoop, my friends. No, you can wear them with skate shoes. Nope. Yep. So let me explain. We got an email from a guy, and we asked him if he would come on the air with us, and he said yes. This guy did something, and it involves a lie that's now got him in deeper, and it has to do with his friend, and it's bad. And he wanted advice of what to do. And I'll tell you now, I think the only thing you can do is come clean, but when you hear this, you're going to go,

1:35:07Oh, wow. It's a gut dropper, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And it's next. Welcome back. Hope you're enjoying this day here in Bangor. If you're new to Maine, I hope you just take a chance to enjoy the wonderful lobster that we have to offer here. It will be better tomorrow. Yes. And it will get sunnier towards the end of the week. Sienna, what's going on in the news? A cross-country run was held on Saturday morning in honor of Chelsea. And the funds were raised for Chelsea's Light Foundation, which was established in honor of, I'm sure you remember Chelsea King, who died at Poway High School senior last year. More than 6,000 people participated in finishing Chelsea's run. That's awesome. Really good story. It was held at Babel Park. Also, state lawmakers are being urged to scale back the number of laws they propose. Over 2,000 bills were introduced this year, and they want to revise, you know.

1:36:41Here's an example. One of the bills was to revise the definition of olive oil. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. And to enact spay day to encourage the spaying of animals. People just abuse their power? So Governor Jerry Brown and others are saying, look, this is way too many bills to be introducing. We have a fiscal crisis as it is already, so we need to, you know, limit these. Let's trim the fat a little bit. Let's get out of control. I would introduce a bill called the stupid bill. Yes. Which means that if you introduce a stupid bill. About olive oil. About olive oil. You don't want to revise the definition of olive oil? Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I'm going to lose my mind. I'm going to lose my mind. I know it. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, do you remember the name Plaxico Burress? I do. Plaxico Burress? Yeah. Plaxico has been in jail for a while. He's been in there 21 months. And they are now going to let him out for good behavior. He is going to be getting out of prison in June. Wow. You didn't hear the story. He shot himself in the leg with a gun and then had to do... At a club. At a club. And had to do some jail time for hurting himself. But the gun, I guess, was illegal. And he's going to be getting out of jail soon and looking for an NFL job. And also this weekend, I'm very proud to say that the Encinitas National League Braves won their game against the match 5-3. Here's an interview with the pitcher, Frank DiPietro. Cut three. This is your Little League team? Yep. I'm the manager.

1:38:04All right, so I'm standing here with Frank DiPietro. Frank, you had a complete game victory today. How do you feel? Great. I hope I can do it again on another game. So do I. What was working for you today? What pitch? Curveball. Curveball was filthy today. Hey, who's the best coach? Coach Wood. That's right. Good job. Dude, coach and a manager. Kid can read some cue cards like nobody's business. Like nobody's a professional interviewer. But he just earned himself another start real good. I'm confused. I'm either the coach or the manager. It's the same thing. It is? Isn't the manager like someone who brings the oranges and stuff? Yeah. No, that's in high school. I am the head coach. Oh. You should say that. Yeah. Oh, okay. I'm the head coach. You play games like on a Saturday and then play another game on a Sunday? Yeah. I had a practice Friday, a game Saturday, and a game Sunday. Just a little leagued up real good. Wow. Sweet. Todd's going to go and help. I need him. I need his help. The word of the day is burro. Burro. Oops. I can't believe you haven't said it yet. You just call it transportation. You just call it pet. Yeah. Just call it a car. Got you. So when you hear me say that word between now and 10, you get a four-pack of tickets to the NASCAR Nationwide Series March 26th, pair of sunglasses, and you qualify.

1:39:28For $125 in ARCO gift cards for gas. That we'll give away on Friday. Killer. Yeah, it's real cool. Okay. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And screening phones for us today is Alan. It's Alan. Alan. Alan. So we told you that we got an email from a guy who had done something pretty bad. It is. It's pretty bad. It's M1A student from Poway. Are you there, bro? Hello, hello. Oh, sorry. Sorry about that. Are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Okay. Instead of reading your email, why don't you tell people what happened to you, what you did? Well, he was proposed. He wanted me to videotape it. And this was at the hotel desk in Coronado. So he wanted me to be in the bushes and videotape.

1:40:44And, you know, so she wouldn't see. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's a very cool thing. It's a good move. Yeah. Well, like, I mean, then he, you know, he wanted to surprise her with it later. So, you know, this was a while ago, and he's been asking me to see it. You went there and everything? To the Hotel Delo? No, yes. Yeah, I was in the bushes. I was, like, hiding out. I was. It's awesome. I know. In the email, he said. You're like paparazzi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And in the email, he said he didn't, the guy didn't even want his fiance, his now fiance, he didn't even want her to know that he was ever there. He wanted to surprise her and be like, and guess what? You know. I captured the moment. You captured the moment. Surprise her later, yeah. I know someone who did that. That's an awesome move. It's awesome. Yeah. Exactly, yeah. And, well.

1:41:49But then, like, I just took a look at the video the other day, and I don't know if I didn't push record or anything, but the tape is blank. Oh, boy. And he, I mean, but he's been asking me about it for a while, and so I've been telling him, like, oh, I'm working on it. Oh, no. Wait, okay. When you said you've been working on it, you didn't know that it wasn't there? No. So he wasn't lying. He was lying. He was saying... He was working on getting around to it. Yeah, I was working on getting around to it. Yeah, I was working on my car, and it's there on my desk, but I just didn't get to it. I'm procrastinating, and so I'll tell you that I've been working on it. Oh, boy. So meanwhile, a friend thinks like, oh, he must be doing this killer editing job. Maybe he's adding music. He's probably putting music to it. Yeah, just making it real sweet. So M1A student, I just, I got to know, the moment that you plugged that camera in and realized there was nothing on it, in the best words that you can muster up, what was your physical feeling? Oh, man. I probably would have barfed.

1:43:15I would have thrown up. There is no question that I would have thrown up. I would have cried. Yes. Oh, my God. Because it's not only like you didn't do that to yourself, like you did that to someone else. And that was a moment. You're a monster. To her, it doesn't matter. She doesn't know. She doesn't know. But to that dude, it's the greatest idea he's ever had. Oh, yeah. Almost better than the proposal. Oh, yeah. In his mind. Capturing that moment. Capturing something secretive that she doesn't know. Our kids will watch it. Yeah, the kids will watch it. If he's like me, too, I would have been telling her, like, I've got something big coming for you, honey. Something that's going to blow your mind. You know what he can tell her, though? You have a video. Yeah. He can say, the story and the way that we tell it will play out so much better than the video. But see, she doesn't know, though. So he doesn't have to tell her. This guy, A student, can tell his friend to tell his fiancée. Yeah, try that one, bro. Just say, hey, listen. It's better this way. Yeah. You're no longer an A student. Yeah, you could say, listen. Put this beautiful video together. I just had the perfect music picked out. You know, I just saw you at the Hotel Del, and I knew when I saw you the very first time, it was going to be you and I forever, and that's why I brought you here today.

1:44:36You didn't know this, but I had a, I had M1A student, my best friend in the bushes. And I'm going to press play now, babe. And you're going to get to see my proposal to you. You know, it'll probably, we could probably send it to like Aaron brothers or something. Robbins brothers. I get a commercial from it because it's that, it's that special. They'll show it on jewelry commercials and they'll be like that moment, you know, cause you started crying and. It's really, really or not. I know what I would do. What? I would hire two actors and I would go and I would make it where it's just a silhouette where you can't really see what's going on and I would, whatever I remembered, I would kind of have them reenact it like him going down. Nope. You would never know. You're covering your tracks. What about the voice? You couldn't hear it. It's just too far away.

1:45:29And I would make it look awesome. Did you ever elaborate? Yeah, you ever just way elaborate? I bet I could make it happen. You won't remember what she wore. You won't be able to see it. It'll be dark. It'll be an outline. I said I'll do a silhouette. A silhouette. It would work. I'll entertain your voice. Will you marry me? Yes, I will. Yes. I'm so excited. Get up, you shadow puppets. Oh, my God. So he wrote us. M1A student wrote us, and he's like, what do I do? And I told Jay, I go, just get him on the air. And by the way, if you have a suggestion for M1A student, love to hear it. 570-1949. You know me. Truth. Come clean. Easiest thing to remember. You just say, dude, I'm sorry. I don't know what I did. It's not there. I didn't tape it. And the first thing he's going to say to you is, I thought you said you were working on it. I got it. And you got to say, yeah, I wasn't. And I'm sorry. And you come clean. I got it. What woods? I know exactly what to do. What? Exactly. What? It's going to take a little bit of a white lie. Oh. But just a little one, Mikey. Just a little white lie. What? Hey, bro. Yeah? You know that wedding thing I was doing for you, the engagement deal? Dude, I'm sorry. My video? Yeah, your video, man. It looked amazing. I freaking deleted it.

1:46:52on accident. I freaking deleted it and I'm so sorry. I was working on it. Something crashed. You deleted it on your computer? I deleted it on the camera. And I didn't have it uploaded. I didn't have it saved on my computer. Dude, I'm so sorry. Oh, there's a cache feature that we have, though. Oh, yeah. It's still on there. Yeah. It'll just archive on the hard drive of the actual computer. It's not on the computer, though. I looked. No, no, no. On the camera. Yeah, I know. I looked. It's not there. I'm so sorry. I don't know what the heck happened. Bro, I will pay to have it sent to a recovery company. Okay. Try it. We can try it. You know, we can try it. What are you going to do when I send it to a recovery company? And they say... They'll say it's gone forever. Yep, that's what they'll say. They'll say the last time something was deleted on here was 2009. Hey, and you know what? I'm just going to be like...

1:47:46I don't know what happened. I'm not good at this stuff. Why would you lie? Because. And that's not a white lie either. That is a full-blown lie. It feels a little better though. If you're the other guy, if you're his friend, you feel a little better. You're like, dude, that's nuts, man. You know your friend. And you know that this guy made it out to the Hotel Del. He was in the bushes. He was there. It wasn't like he just didn't show up. That would be the worst thing. He just made an honest mistake. Plus, I would say to you, hey, well. But I thought you said you've been working on it. I was. I was working on it. I was working on it, and I deleted it. No, no, no. You were working on it on your computer, obviously. It's not saved. I don't know what happened. I know, but it's on the camera then. My computer crashed, and the camera crashed. Oh, the computer and the camera crashed. Something happened. Something went haywire, and I don't know what the hell happened. That's where you lost it. That guy would beat himself up even more. He'd be like, I should have just, look, he did his job, film me it. I should have taken it from him and edited it. It's my fault. M1 Allison from San Marcos has a suggestion for M1A student. Go ahead, Allison. Good. I have a suggestion. So on the internet now, everyone knows there's like stale blog and all that good stuff. Why don't you just make it funny and have like the whole big bring up to the proposal and everything and then just do the whole scratch record thing and then I didn't push record. And have that be the story. Hysterical.

1:49:15Ha ha ha. You may get murdered for that. Oh my gosh. No. You can't do it. But you're putting an effort into fix it. Nope. Nope. Nope. No. My gosh. It's like rubbing salt in the wound. Yeah. You'd be like, you're telling me that. You didn't tape it? And then you tried to do a bit out of it? And now you're making an a-hole? Yeah. Are you a monk? He needs to make it up to them somehow and good. Maybe pay for their honeymoon. Yeah. M1 Holly from Miramar. He can film their first birth. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. That's creepy. Holly, are you there? Yes, thanks. Go ahead. Hi. So I have a suggestion for him. Okay, so he obviously, you know, screwed up the whole. video of the proposal, but I think before he tells his friend that he, you know, screwed up and doesn't have it, he should make a slideshow for them with, you know, music and pictures of them both and just say, hey, you know, I feel so horrible about this, but, you know, this is what I have for you, and maybe you could present this to her instead. Oh, I think that's a good idea, but I think you're telling the truth first. I got it.

1:50:29I got another one. Go ahead. Dude, do you know that video that you wanted me to do? The one of me and Katie? Yeah. I'm such a freaking idiot, dude. I'm a freaking idiot. I was taking it to this place, and I would already have the place. And what they were going to do is they were going to really spruce it up in high quality music and really high definition. I left it in my car, dude. Somebody broke into my car. They stole the camera and my computer. Now the camera's gone too? Yeah, everything's gone, dude. I'm sorry. Why don't you just burn your house down? There's nothing I can do. That's bad karma. Maybe. But I'm telling you, if it's a solution, it's maybe not the right one. Maybe it's not comfortable for you. You have fangs. No. They're dripping. You're a Wolverine. You're a monster. Dripping with tiger's blood is what they are. Okay? I'm an Adonis. You're a monster. So, hey, I'm sorry. Somebody broke into my home. They took my camera. Did you call the cops? Yeah. You did? Yeah. Police report? Absolutely. Absolutely. No, I didn't. It was my car. What? It was my car. It's your car. Oh, you have renter's insurance, though, no? Yeah, but it wasn't parked at my house. Where was it? It was at the Statler Brothers parking lot. You didn't call the police? Yeah, I did. You did? Yeah, I didn't file a report, though. You didn't? No. They didn't take a report? No, I didn't. If they show up, they have to file it. They show up. I don't think that's a rule. Take a report.

1:51:57How many friends are going to ask, though? Did you file a report? I know. Mikey would. Mikey would. Mikey made me show him my poop jeans. Of course I did. He didn't believe me. Of course I did. And now we know why. You know why I didn't believe you? I'm not saying this is what I would do. These are just... These are bad suggestions. Suggestions. Okay. Maybe you pack up all your stuff and just move out of town and never call him. Or change your phone number. Maybe tell him the truth. Just tell the truth. Fake your death. He'll get over it. Fake your death. I can help you. Everyone's Jeff from San Diego. Yes. Go ahead. What's your advice? You know, he messed it up once. So it's like if he tries to recover from it, he's got to stick with the truth. And to maybe help that along, if he, like, stays. hashed that camera while it's on record and explained it to his friend, and he recorded the explanation. The confession. Pardon me? Yeah, tape the confession, right? Yeah, and he could tell him, you know, he's really sorry, but he's got to be sincere, but then he gets that on tape, and, you know, it's like a consolation of some kind. Not really. Well, his friend can post that video on Facebook and make fun of him.

1:53:16The guy for not remembering to record. It just depends on what kind of friend you have. I have friends that would be really upset. Then I have friends that would be like, all right, dude, that sucks. But, you know, whatever. Hey, listen to me. I'm not saying this to exploit. I promise. Is it exploitation? Don't look at me like that, L.O.B. I'm wondering. L.O.B.'s already judging me. What? Is it exploitation? Is it exploitation? If we have him tell the friend live on the radio tomorrow. Oh my gosh. Because wait. What if he doesn't want to? Maybe he doesn't. Easy, Dr. Phil. What if we call your friend tomorrow and the only reason that we do it live on the radio is because it will soften the blow. We want to help. We want to help. It's not exploitation.

1:54:21if we give them a prize. Not him, because he messed up, but the other guy. Like, maybe we say, you didn't get the video, but we give him something nice. Like what? We have Dan Fields. Why don't we have Dan Fields' photography take pictures of them? Yes. Maybe we just give him some Angel or Anarchy sunglasses. No, Dan Fields, because that's perfect. He can shoot their engagement photos. What about that? Yeah, that's pretty good. That's not expected. What about a church's chicken dinner? What about red beans and rice? We're helping them. Corn on the cob? L.O.B., is it bad? I mean, I like the prize. I absolutely like the prize. Is it still exploitation? Yes. That's going to save him hundreds of dollars. Yeah, and it'll be good for us. It'll be good for us. Well, we're giving them a prize. We're giving them a prize. What's a word for a voyeur with his ears? Because that's what I'm going to be tomorrow. It's still a voyeur. It's a voyeur, but I'm not looking at anything. I'm listening to something. It's the same. I'm an ear-er. You're an ear ear. I'm an ear ear. Think about it. Think about it. And if he gets mad at you, we'll have your back because you know what? I'll be like, you know what? You should have hired a professional. That's too much pressure to put on me. I was trying to do something nice. I thought my friend might be able to press record. Yeah, I did press record. It's your crappy camera that didn't pick it up. Maybe you, I don't know, figure your thumbs out.

1:55:41No, maybe you give me a tutorial beforehand. Then quit lying to me. Didn't think you needed a tutorial to press record. I did press record. I didn't know I had to hold it down, knock three times, and spin over on my head for it to get to work. You don't have to knock three times. Then you lied to me. You lied. Then you lied to me. I never lied. Yeah, you did. I didn't follow with this advice. You said you were working on it. You said you were working on it. I meant I was working on getting around to it. That's a lie. I was working on it. You're a lying lie. You're a lying lie. Okay, I lied about that. You can't hide those lying eyes. Okay, but what I meant by working on it was I was working on getting to it. I guess technically if you said you're working on it, it doesn't mean you're actually physically working on it. Doesn't it? No, doesn't it? You say I'm working on it. I'm working on it, pal. I'm going to get to it when I get to it. I have a full-time job. I have a wife. I have a family. That does have that connotation. It really does. Working on it. I'm going to put you on hold, M1A student, and I want... you to think about it. Think about it. Think about it. Am I exploiting? Yeah. Yes. No, but we're going to make the situation better. Yeah, we're going to make it better. Why don't we do that without getting you on the line, though? Because we can... Because we want to hear it. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, I mean, I guess we could give them a... I guess we can... What did he say? I think he said, thanks, man. Thanks, man.

1:57:11Thanks, man. Need to have your microphone. I guess. Y'all shut up. Now I'm coming in there with an Uzi. Immediately. I guess we could... First of all, hey, Mike, you ever just offered Danfield's services about checking with Danfield? But we're also... Letting people know about Noonfields. And what a great photographer he is. Yeah, you can follow him on Twitter, Facebook. He's like, cool, thanks for the non-paying gig. Yeah. Kick ass. That's pretty awesome. Thanks, guys. Great photographer. Takes lots of our pictures. I got plenty of time on the weekends to just go do a free gig. I'll just go out there and rip out nine hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe they get married in August. Perfect. Hang out there and suit. I'll wear a suit. I'll wear a suit. It'll be about 120 in Escondido, wherever it is. Be awesome. Thanks, guys. You know what? We're just trying to help. Just trying to help, L.O.B. Yeah, sure. Just trying to help one... Help him off the air. He wrote to us. That's true. His friend didn't. That's true. But his friend also wouldn't be getting a gift out of it if he hadn't written to us. Look at these lion eyes that are calling in. M1GO from Claremont. Good. Good, good. Even though...

1:58:36Oh, boy. The point of when I had loaded. Elabyrinth. No, elabyrinth. So it's lost forever. You spend these spiderweb lives. Spiderweb lives. But it's lost forever. As opposed to, man, I don't know what happened. There's no level of honesty in that. Are you single, Gio? I am. How old are you? 42. Have you ever been divorced? No. Have you ever talked yourself out of a bad situation?

1:59:48That was a pretty elaborate lie. That's good. It's a good one. I am terrified when he uses the term devastating breakups. Yeah, that's a pretty strong word. That's a strong word. What? What? You were talking about breakups. He was still talking about the data backup. Good liar. All right, Gio. I'm with you, dude. You got to make him understand. Like you're right. He took my lie and just made it better. Isn't that oxymoron? I don't know. Will you go to break, though, so I can eat the Snickers, please? I knew you wouldn't last the whole show. My eyes have been feasting on it. Sienna basically called your manhood out earlier by saying, let's see how long you can go without eating that Snickers. 831. Oh, poor Woodsy, man. It's raining, and Woods and Jay got a charity golf tournament today.

2:01:29And it's raining. I don't blame you. I mean, I wouldn't want to be out in the rain. It's tough to play in the rain. I love charity, though. It's a good cause. Yeah, she's sweet. It's a good cause. I think you guys will be okay. I think you'll live. Okay. It's not like I'm going to Afghanistan or something. I get it. I'm going to live. But I feel a little bit like I was just made to feel like I'm Elton John. You're not Elton John. You are being a little diva. Am I? I am. You're free golfing. Do you know how expensive golfing is that people would love to spend their Monday golfing instead? People are working in the afternoon. It's true. You get free golfing. You get free drink, free food. What is the problem? I got your back. Because it's pouring rain on my head. And I'm not allowed to carry an umbrella anymore. So there you go. All you guys want to do is sit on the couch. You can't do that every day. If these two girls had to go play golf in the rain, would we hear one? We didn't sign up. We didn't sign up. Can you Matt? We didn't sign up. Can you Matt?

2:02:29Can you imagine? Can you imagine? I've gone hiking. I've gone camping in the rain. I've gone running in the rain. I do a lot of things in the rain. Made love in the rain. I've made love in the rain. I've been under a waterfall and drank poop water. No, not raining then. But if I signed up to do an all-weather sport, I'd be there. Yep. Golf is all-weather? It's a sunny weather sport. If it happens in the rain, then that means it's the type of sport that can happen in the rain. Apparently, I'm Elton freaking John. You're not. You're not. I wouldn't want it. Alan, go get me some breakfast immediately. He already got it for you. Isn't that what you already do? Sprinkle rose petals on the ground. I need a can of snuff. Tonight's 8 o'clock album. R.E.M. Garrett. Collapse into now. Oh, boy. Hey, dude. I'm with you. You know. I don't like the rain. It's disgusting. It's disgusting outside. Golf takes like eight hours now. You're going to go and have a great time with Jay and two listeners. You're raising money for charity. If it's too wet, they won't have it. I'm in with that. I'm in on that. I'm in on raising money for charity. You know that. That's why I signed up. I don't like golf, but I like charity. I'm in on kids. If your little leaguers were playing today, you would be stoked to play in the rain. No, we don't play in the rain. If you can get me an electric burro, I'll go with you.

2:03:51And I'll play. And you'll ride along with us. I'll get electrocuted. It's true. They might, too, with the clubs and the... Yeah, I think so. There's a lot of lightning out there. Clubs and lightning. Never know. Thanks for thinking of my well-being, my friend. Thank you, Prowl. I got your back. Prowl? Got your back, Prowl. These are too much. Let's play name that tune. Oh, yeah. 5701949. What's the prize, Jay? Today's prize is a prescription to Times Magazine. I'm going to hook them up with a two-day weekend at Surf Diva Surf School in La Jolla. All right. What about for guys? That is for guys. Okay. Guys and girls. Guys and girls. Guys and girls do the Surf Diva thing. If you're a guy, you get good-looking girls. Or give it to your lady if you feel like you're so tough that you can't take lessons from a woman. That's right. If you're so insecure about your masculinity that you can't even take lessons from a girl. Give it to your lady. That's right. Okay, look at this. If you think that you're not coordinated enough to let some girls teach you how to serve, give it to your lady friend. That's right. 5701949. You're going to pick me, Sienna Woods, or L.O.B. Now, this is the way that Name That Tune works. What is the theme today? Well, it changes every week, so we should do that. Yeah, it's summertime. It was kind of summertime and hot when I put this together. All right.

2:05:12On Saturday. So we're looking for artist only. So we kind of have floating rules and whatnot. I can change and make the rules the way I want them. Point value. When Jay picks a theme. When there's a theme, you can just say summertime. If the name of the song, a lot of them could be summertime. So you've got to do artist. I do artist. Artist only. Artist. It's going to be hard. That's. Teenage boys. First of all, M1 Art, are you there? Oh, perfect. Art? Art, can you hear me? Art. I can hear you. What was the word of the day? Burro. Yeah. Said it correctly. You're correct. Nice. So you won tickets to the Nationwide Series for NASCAR. You also won a pair of sunglasses. But you are now entered into the grand prize for $125 in gas cards for Marco.

2:06:12I need it, bro. I got a big truck. There you go, dude. Hang in line. You can save up big trucks. That's right. Big tires. Okay, so call us right now. Pick one of us, and we will represent you. The theme is summertime, and it's songs. Correct, Jay? Yes, sir. Okay. And we have to come up with the artist. M1 Browncoat, who would you like to represent you? I would like Eeyore. That's L-O-B. L-O-B. Hang on the line. Eeyore is something that L-O-B's BFMC, her boyfriend Matt Commerce, called her one time because she was moping around the house. That's right. Let's see. Mikey Show, who's this? Okay, Zack Lantern. Your choices are me, Woods, or Sienna. Who do you want? There you go. Hang on the line. Mikey Show, who's this? All right. Who do you want, me or Sienna? You. Okay, hang on. And last but not least, who's this? Who's this? You can participate in a game, and you can be my partner, my friend. Yep, Sienna's representing. Hang on the line. All right, we use our name as a buzzer, so if we know what this song is, the artist, we yell out our name. Why do M1s hate me? Here we go. They love you. Why do they hate me? They love you. Here we go. Woods. Woods, Brian Adams. Wow. Well played. Gosh.

2:07:52Here we go. Woods. Don Henley. Are the rest of you guys playing? Yes. Yeah, we're trying. Just checking. Woods. John Travolta. Gosh darn it. John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John from 1975. Here we go. Mikey. Really? Sienna. Kid Rock. Dang. Woods. You got it right. Somebody's got a new strategy. Yeah. Here we go. Woods. Mikey. Oh, come on, you guys. Go ahead, Woods. No idea. Yeah. Woods, he gets a point deducted. Take a point away, Fiona. You should get one too, Mike. Why? Because you buzzed in and you don't know that. He beat me. Well, you're the next person. Yeah, you are the next person. He beat me. Who was that? I start playing the song again. Here we go, guys. Lauren. Damn it. Lauren. Bananarama. Yep. Here we go. Woods. Mikey. With Sundays. Wow, dude. Good. I hate this game. He's good. Here we go. Mikey.

2:09:08Mikey. Lauren. Woods. Hold on. Three, two. Sublime. Yep. Cheater. Here we go. Mikey. Mikey. The Bengals. Woods. Go ahead. The Go-Go's. No. I'm sorry. That was incorrect. Here we go. I'll continue playing. Oh. Damn it. Oh. Can I say my name? Can I say my name? Nope. Can I guess? I know who it is. Aren't you guys cool that you go? I'll take a guess, Lauren. Go ahead, Lauren. Debbie Gibson? Oh, my goodness. Yeah. B-52s. B-52s. Yeah. I knew Love Shadows. Way to look at me like that, you two jerks. We looked at her with such disdain. Disdain. Yes. The score is... I was trying to send it to you telepathically. Woods, two. Mike, one. And everyone else, zero? Yes. Oh, no. I would have had one. Actually, I think Lauren has a negative one. No, I had Bananorama. Oh, okay. Right.

2:10:17Here we go. Mikey. Go ahead. That was... Three, two, one. Woods. Aerosmith. Slow brain. I've never heard that. Never heard it. I recognized you in Tyler's voice, and I was like, that's the big lip guy. Here we go. Woods. The Cure. Score is Woods four, the rest of us zero. There are three remaining, each with two points. That's Van Halen. Good lord. Here we go. Mikey. Mikey? Woods. Three, two. Woods. Woods, Billy Idol. Dang it. Alright, last one. Worth ten points. Ten points? No!

2:11:33That's hot. Shut up! The score is Woods 8. Lauren and Sienna 0. Mike, negative 2. So this is a 9-point question. That's hysterical. Look at Woods 8. Listen, Woods. I got 15 of them right today. Come on, Woods. You can do this. Go, Woods. Go, Woods. I hate you all. You're going to get it. Woods. Mikey. Something like it hot is Robert Palmer. Woods won with 1,000 points. Yeah. All of us suck. Good Lord. My God, I had to work triple overtime on that one. Easy, Elton. Yeah. Too bad you have to golf in the rain today. Bring me some coffee. Yeah, too bad I'm going to golf in the rain. Feel good, though. Congratulations, Woods. Thank you. You are the master. We are the worst. Thank you. You're good looking. We are not attractive. I'm fat. That was a slaughter. That was incredible. Dude, I was on fire. You should get fired up more often before you play. Which one of these lines had woods? Okay. The first one. Weird. Go through them and see which one. The first one was actually me. The second one was wood. The second one was me. It was a dude. I forgot. You guys are all in this. It was Zack-O-Lantern. M1 Zack-O-Lantern. Feast on that, Zack-O-Lantern. Well, congratulations. You're a winner.

2:13:05Let's see. That was good, bud. Thanks, man. I was feeling it today. Britney and Kayfet are back together. No, they're not. It's a true story. How can that be? Don't mess with me. That's a true story. Don't just read fake headlines from 1998. Don't be hatin'. What's he saying? Toyo, you're saying on me. Toyo? Yes. Well, sounds like a match made in heaven. Wow. Kayfed and Brittany are back together for Little League. Their five-year-old son, Preston, plays Little League. What? That's right. And Kayfed.

2:14:28It's the coach. Oh, boy. I'm in good company, aren't I? I don't know if I would want my kids to be on his team. Maybe he's a good coach. Maybe he's a good guy. Maybe he's changed. How slouch are the rest of the dads? I know. You gots to look down here for the signs, Billy. I did, but I don't understand. Yo, man, you need to get the bat off your shoulder, man. You need to get up there and get, man. You trying to hit home runs, man. We'd be needing sangles, man. Come on. Sangles. Right here, look. Look, right here. That's a steel sign, dawg. Coach K. What? I don't understand. God damn it, man. I don't understand. Y'all ain't never be listening to me. I'm tired of this, man. You have chewing tobacco. That's right. I'm playing ball, boy. I know. I'm a child. Man. You're spitting. You need to watch the sign, boy. What sign? The sign. I just gave you the damn bun sign. You're cussing. You up there with a shoulder, a bat on his shoulder. I don't understand. I'm just a little boy. Hey, y'all can't do nothing right. They're five. They're five. Hey, shut up. I'm only five. Coach Federline. Shut up, witch. I ain't talking to you. Coach K-Fan. What? That's my son. You zipped your pants up. My pants was coming down, boy. They're hanging around my knees. Man, you be running like a lunatic when you run in the bases, boy. Yeah, your zipper down. My zipper keep falling.

2:15:50Some cheap ass shorts. You understand? Man, pay attention to the sign. Why do you tell me that? Like what? You're white. You're a white guy. I ain't white. Yeah, you are. I ain't white. You more white than I is. Why'd you make for Brazil? Man, that's a jam, dog. Man, don't worry about my music. You worry about hitting the damn ball. Man, you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat. You have your pants down low, Coach K-Fed. That's right. That's the style, man. That's gangster. What's Popo Zao? I don't even know. That's weird. It is, but it works. I want a different team. Those kids' parents are like, oh. Okay, Kevin Federline is our coach. Maybe if based up to the plate, K-Fev wouldn't have to. Fair enough, dude. Hey, Coach Kevin. Hey, Kev. Yeah, what's up? What's up, Mr. Esperanza? Yo, man, hey, I got to tell you, man, Luke be playing good. Ryan ain't playing so good, but he coming around. He coming around. It's Esparza. Thanks, man. What's up?

2:17:07What you need, man? You called me, man. What you want to ask me? Well, the kids were telling me that you, I guess, are chewing tobacco out on the... Yeah, every now and then. It's beef jerky, but it's all right. I don't think it's beef jerky. It's beef jerky. Trust me, man. It's jerky. I don't know that I can trust you. Trust me. I'm the coach. Didn't you write popos out? Yeah, but you be home watching Man vs. Food. You can be out here coaching. You can be out here coaching. I don't see your ass out here. I know. I know. Get off the couch. Put the iPad down. Come on out here and grab a bat, boy. You want to question me? I understand. I'm just saying that, you know, the kids are saying it out there. Listen, have you used any kind of course language out there? Well, define what course mean. Golf course? I ain't playing golf, man. This is baseball. What it means, Coach Federline, is that. Is that, you know, you've been cursing out there on the field. No, man, I ain't cursing. You didn't curse? No, I didn't curse. You say the F word? No, I didn't say no F word. I might have said bull S, but that's about it. That's the S word. I might have said a-hole. It might have dropped to MF one time. It wasn't no big deal. I don't even think nobody heard me. Yeah, man, we get passionate about this, man.

2:18:29I'd be passionate about baseball, man. Oh, my God. It's not baseball. It's Little League we're talking about. Are you trying to say Little League ain't baseball? What you know about it? We're using a pitching machine. What you know about it? What you know about it? How much Little League do you play, boy? I didn't. You'd be playing Little League right now. You're the same size. Oh, funny. Grab a bat. Please listen. Put your baseball hat on straight. No, man. You got it to the side, and it's a flat bill all the way. Can you just plop your pants a little bit? No, man. We can see your crap. It's all right. My man panties coming through. No, it isn't. K-Fed. K-Fed. You see that? Yeah. How much did that cost to get K-Fed specialized underwear? Hey, man. We got my own underwears line. He does. Underwears. You have your own underwears line? Yeah, man panties. For black men. You're not black. Yeah, I am. More black than you are. He is, for sure. I don't know if you've seen the cover of Rolling Stone. Oh, boy. I sure have. Oh, boy. We'll talk about it. Yep, we will. Play a new game here. Got a new game. Suggested by a listener, by the way. Do that. Come out. Actually, you know what? In order to do that,

2:20:01We have to do it now. Okay, so here's how you do it. We're going to play our first ever game of Hit That Post. Now, what does that mean, Hit That Post? Well, it means that I talk right up until the point where the person starts to sing. Okay? So I'm talking, I'm talking, I'm talking. The music is playing. The music is playing. This is Billy Joel. Blah, blah, blah. I'm pretending I'm a DJ. And then I have to stop talking right when Billy begins to sing. Okay, that's called hitting the post. Now you're going to call 570-1949 and you're going to tell us what song you want me to talk up. I don't know what song you want me to talk about. You call and tell. And all the qualification is, I just have to know the song. Well-known songs. If I've never heard it, then I don't, you know, if I've never heard it in my life, it's not possible. Can you do Cocoa Rosie? No, because I'm not familiar with Cocoa Rosie's music. Big surprise. Uh-oh. I roll the beans. That would probably, if I know the song. If I don't know the song, then I can't do it. But if I know the song.

2:21:16then I can do it. La Bamba. Yeah. I can do La Bamba. I know La Bamba. Like the back of your hand. Like the back of my hand. The Macarena. Anything by Selena. And if I hit the post, you win. What surprised you? We have Angel and Anarchy Sunglasses. There you go. All right, so 570-1949. Hit that post coming up in just a second. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Kid Rock is in a little bit of trouble. I don't know if you know, but I don't know. At his shows, he always has a Confederate flag up or around, and he feels that the Confederate flag, to him, he says to him it represents Southern rock and roll, but some members of the NAACP are planning to... Yeah, does he ever just come out and, like, I don't know, like a white...

2:22:42Got a white hood on and comes out on a horse. Well, every year in Detroit he has an annual fundraiser and some of the NAACP supporters are planning to boycott it because they don't like the fact that he displays a Confederate flag like that during his shows. He's from Detroit, but he displays a Confederate flag? Yep. Idiot. I know. Also, this is pretty crazy. A new European study has found that scientists were able to use a simple blood test of pregnant women to correctly diagnose whether their unborn child has. Down syndrome or not right now what they've been doing is amniocentesis which can cause it has a small risk of causing a miscarriage but they're saying that this blood test a simple procedure actually gives a better diagnosis and earlier in the pregnancy than an amniocentesis and it's less evasive so that would be really good if this goes down like this European study says. Also, really quick, the California company based in L.A. has recalled hazelnuts sold in bulk, individual containers, and as part of a mixed nut package from the company DeFranco & Sons.

2:23:42They've found seven cases. Who's just feasting on hazelnuts? People do. They're good. They've found seven cases of E. coli in these DeFranco and Sons hazelnuts. E. coli. E. coli. The seven cases are the seven people that actually eat hazelnuts. Yeah. Seven for seven. It's good work. They come in mixed nut packages. Sure they do. I think I miss coffee flavoring. Yeah, coffee flavoring. Just taking handfuls of hazelnuts and popping them in your mouth. Isn't that what's in Nutella? They're delicious. Yes, Nutella is like chocolate. It's so good. It's good. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, sports is brought to you, by the way, by Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot. Yes. Absolutely. The Green Bay Packers have signed their Super Bowl-winning head coach, Mike McCarthy, to a new multi-year contract. Probably a good move for those guys. It probably is. It probably is. He's been a great, great addition. They made the postseason three times and, again, won the Super Bowl this last year over the Pittsburgh Steelers. And word around the campfire and spring training, and I mentioned it briefly earlier, but Matt Latos,

2:24:45The young kid, he's supposed to be the Padres ace this year, is not having a good spring so far. His ERA is 13.50. Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. He's been struggling. He struggled yesterday. Two-thirds of an inning, 38 pitches, two hits, two walks, three runs all earned. So he'll get it figured out. This is what spring training's for, and I fully expect Matt to have a big year. Yeah, because that doesn't sound good. No, but it's early. All right. All right, we're going to hit that post. We got... Anarchy Sunglasses up for grabs? Yes. All right, so the object is first time through. If I can't do it the first time through, then you lose. But if I can do this the first time, then you'll win. Let's see. M1, Jeff Mann from Valley Center. Are you there, Jeff Mann? Yeah, what's up? Not too much, dude. What song do you want me to do? It's called White Vinyl. Okay, now here's the rules. I got to talk. Right up to the point where Billy starts singing and I got to do it in the format of the song. So this will be like rock DJ. You ready? All right. Here we go. Hey, what's up? It's Mikey. And he's doing a little white wedding this weekend, right? Isn't that right, Charlie Sheen? Oh, wow. Charlie Sheen's had a few white weddings. It was different. You know who else has white weddings? Michael Irvin. He snorted the whole 50-yard line one time.

2:26:17This is by request for Suzy and Poway's white wedding. On the rough. You blew it! I thought that was it. I did too. I thought you had it. Dang it! Dang it! Dude, I'm sorry. I tried, Jeff, man. I'm sorry. Next time. I gave it my best shot. You got stumped, pal. I did. I thought that's where it started. M1 John from Del Mar? Yeah. We'll do yours, okay? Great. And what do you want? Give Me Girls, Girls, Girls by Motley Crue. All right. Yeah. All right, and this time I'm going to use FM 94.9 as the rock station. All right, so FM 94.9 is being transformed into a hard rockin' station. Yeah, we'd never play that. It's Saturday Night with Mikey.

2:27:22I just got a call from some guy that's cruising down to Cheetah's and said, if I could be there by 10, the first five burgers are on him. You liar. I'll call you on it, bro. I'll be down there in 10. It's Girls, Girls, Girls Motley Crue on FM 94.9. Yeah. Woo. Is that right? I think you got us in. You got it. Stepped on the winner. Oh, boy. Just clipped it. Just clipped it. I'll give it to you. I'll allow it. All right, we're going to allow it. John, you're a winner. Good job, Mikey. I needed some shade. There you go. You got some. Last is M1 Jordan. I don't know this song, though. Uh-oh. Hi, Jordan. Hi. You want the Beatles, I've Just Seen a Face? Yeah, I think that's what it's called. I've Just Seen a Face. That's what it's called. Doesn't it have no intro, though? Yeah, I think it has a guitar intro.

2:28:28I just seen it first, Donna. You never heard it. Yeah, that one. We need a longer. I need a longer intro. And I don't know the song. That's the only thing. I need to know the song. Make it right. Doesn't have much of an intro. Okay, let's see. Stay right ahead. Freebird. Four minutes. Fifteen minutes long. M1, Irie Panda from San Diego. Say it. What's up? How are you? Good. How are you? I'm good. What song? Dear John by Taylor Swift. You got it. He does that one. Wakes up to it every morning. I do not wake up slow. You play it and it puts you to sleep. You have a Taylor Swift t-shirt on right now that says Dear John. T-Swift. And on the back it says on the back, I think 19's too young to be messed with. How dare you? All right. FM 94.9 is being turned into a light rock station. All right.

2:29:29We're going to call it Star 94.9. All right? Are you ready? Yep. Star 94.9. It's Michael Shannon. And just wanted to let everybody know that Taylor may be coming to town. And we're going to keep an eye on it for you. My guess is that she will not be inviting John Mayer backstage to say hello at that concert. Not based on the lyrics to this song, anyway. This is a song she wrote about him. It's called Dear John on FM. 94.9. Oh, yeah. Hey, L.O.B., she's not really coming. Yes. We don't want to get her on the air. I know. Not really coming to town. Not really coming to town. Irie Patti, you're a winner. Thank you. Hang on the line. Maybe you just let this play for a little bit. My only complaint was you called it Star 94.9 and then FM 94.9. Yes. Oh, I did. I did. But you hit the post well. But I did hit the post. Maybe you guys stop talking and just let this run for a minute. You're the one talking.

2:30:31You're really on one today. I am. What did I do? He's very bossy. I'm not bossy. I haven't bossed anybody. Hey pot, it's the kettle. My job is to be bossy. That's right. She's got to keep me in line. I love you in order. It's true. If she wasn't... I'm not on one. I'm just... You're on one. You are on one. I am not on one. I'm not being a D. You're cranked up. You're not being a D, but you're cranked up. That's my job. I'm supposed to be. Off the air, Woodsy has been pacing and... Banging his head. Head banging. Banging his head. Punching doors. He's like... Saying, God bless. He's wound up a little bit. I'm a little high strung today, I'll admit. He goes... Complaining about everything. He goes, off the air, he goes, Jay, give me more homework. I know. And Jay opens the door. He goes, hey, Jay, you want to give me more homework for tonight, buddy? I said, I can if that's what you want. Yeah, pile it on, dude. Oh, poor old fella. I figured seven, eight hours isn't enough. Pile it on. Remember back in the days, you just used to love it. Yeah. I still love it. I do love it. Love for the game. I still love it. I love it. Whatever for the team. I know I do. That's right. 570-1949. Feast is built.

2:31:53You guys have to spend eight hours. I get to ride in a car together. I'm going to drive because I want to make it. You're not driving. Yeah, I'm driving. You're golfing today. I'm going to pitch him out. That's why I'm driving. 100%. I'm running through a puddle. 100%. Oh, boy. You will make him so mad. What? I swear to God. You do that again. It ain't funny. You'll be by yourself, buddy. These guys. And I'm being serious. Woods and Jay's dynamic has become the most brother-like dynamic. Very much. Punching each other and just getting each other in the nards all the time. That's my big bro. My very big bro. Birds of a feather. You're the big one. Jay's the older one. He's older. Much older. 65 years older. Broken hip. You guys seen the new Rolling Stone? No. Great. Now you're going to poke the tiger while he's already mad. Well, I was in Woods gets Rolling Stone. Yep. You have a subscription. I do. Easy, Elton. You know what I think it is? I think it's the Newsboy hat. It needs to go. Fine. It's weird that you don't like a piece of my clothing. It's so odd. No.

2:33:11So odd. Months ago when you wore that every day, you said, I need to get rid of this. It's golf day. I don't remember why, but it was bad luck. And then you brought it back today and you're on one. I'm playing golf. I don't care. It's bad luck in here. It's my paint steward. Rest in peace. It's bad luck. It's wigging me out. It's my paint steward. Your hair looks great alone. Alone. I love you so much. Does she and I ever rip on our clothes? Look at me. I wear pajamas every day. Notice nobody says anything to you. She wears it well. Because we love you. I love you. I'm just going to sit over here out of this conversation. Hey, listen. We just got back from the weekend for crying out loud. We're supposed to all come back rested. It's Monday. Everybody's all wound up. You guys are all wound up off the air. I'm not wound up. I know. I'm not. I'm really mellow. I'm wound up like a spring. What's the matter? Did you have a lot of coffee? No, not really. I didn't get much sleep. My wife was snoring like a bear. Oh, boy. How dare her. Yeah, how dare she? Maybe go to another bedroom. Let the kids sleep. You know the microphones are on in your broadcasting room. Oh, I am? Yes. Maybe you go in another bedroom. Yeah. My alarm's in there. Bring your cell phone alarm. It would be a whole process. That one doesn't work. I don't know how to work it. Oh, yeah, you were late that one day. Yeah. Oh, boy.

2:34:32Maybe just one time. Sienna's getting you. Oh, man. Oh, boy. Can I talk about this freaking thing, though? It's unbelievable. Snooki, right? Snooki. She's on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine on a rocket. For what? She wrote a book or something? Snooki did write a book. Oh, boy. This is going to make my day better. Snooki wrote a book. You might ask us the hook. She has a poof and a little short boots and really knows how to cook up a party with Snooki. She writes about it in her book. Read it. Oh, shut up. Shut up. Stop. Move forward. Imagine those two in a room together. Oh, my gosh. Charlie Jane and Snooki. So, I saw it and I'm like, so, what if you're Snooki's dad? Are you like... Just smushing. I'm proud of him. Smushing abilities. You know, I read the article because I get the magazine. And first of all, when I went to the, what do you call it? The mailbox. I'm like, oh, nice. New Rolling Stone. Flip it over. There's little chubs sitting on a rocket. Sitting on a rocket. Okay. I'm like, does she have a record out? Because why else would she be on the cover of Rolling Stone? Rolling Stone. Snooki. That's ridiculous. Yeah, but I thought Rolling Stone.

2:36:10puts, you know, pop culture icons. Not a lot. They'll put Justin Bieber on there, but he does music. Yeah, but don't they put... Like, name five. I can't name one, but I know... She's a musician. They've done Barack Obama, but he's the friggin' president. Yeah, they'll do pop culture people. But not really. No. They would never put Sandra Bullock on there. I think they did it for, number one... Jersey Shore is like the most watched show that MTV has ever had. So technically MTV music television. Number two, they probably thought it would infuriate people like Woods and be like, I need to read this and see why this. Oh, I read the entire article. Yeah. And, you know, it's I'm like, why am I reading this? But I wanted to read it. It's again, they they were talking about how it's the train wreck phenomenon that you can't. You know, look away. I watched Jersey Shore one time. Ended up watching seven more the same day. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because you're like, oh, my God. These guys are idiots. I got to watch. That's why I stopped. I was like, I can't do this anymore. Never seen it. I have either. It's ridiculous. I watched, like, all the seasons except for the current one. Oh, my goodness. I've heard it's just a trap. They get you. And you can't escape. It's like heroin. Nope. You take one taste. You're like, let's go back and get one more. It's not hurting anybody. And then it's seven hours later. You've watched.

2:37:2814 episodes. You're like, it's just the greatest show, yet the worst show I've ever seen. It's terrible. It's terrible. See, that's the thing that bothers me. I don't want my kid going to school with a Snooki kid. Oh, no. Those little Snooks. Snookita. PTO president, Snooki. Oh, boy. See, my thing is, oh, boy. Girl Scout leader. Exactly, man. Sometimes the kid's like an old soul, and they are embarrassed by their parents, and they don't, you know, they teach, they become the teacher. Really? Yeah. All I know is that my son Luke, who's a year and a half old, is already kind of a... He'll be hanging out with Snooki's kids. Oh, for sure. This is Luke, 12 years from now. Hey, Dan. Hi. Doing what I'm always doing at 920, I'm working. We're watching TV. No, I'm working. You eat a taco. Working. I don't eat tacos. You're Mexican, too. You're Mexican, too. I'm not Mexican. You are. You're looking at a car magazine. You're looking at the Apple website. Is there a reason that you're calling? Yeah, I'm calling because I'm having a sleepover at Snooki's house. I'm going to be friends with Snooki's son. No, you're not. No, you're not. Yeah, I am. What am I going to do? I'm 13 years old now. I know. That is an adult. You still live in the house. You can't go over to Snooki's kid's house. I don't live in the house anymore. You do. You don't know that. You do.

2:38:58I might get my mail there. I don't really spend a lot of time there. You can't stay at Snooki's house. Yes, I can. Why do you want to go over there? Because I want to hang out. Her kid's best. What's her kid's name? Franklin. Okay, I don't want you to hang out with Franklin. I'm hanging out with him. I don't want you to hang out with Franklin. It's Frankie. We call him Frankie. Don't hang out with Frankie. Why, dude? Why do you tell me who I can't hang out with? He's your dad. I'll tell you why, because my name's not Dude, that's why. What's your problem? Don't call me Mike. It's dead. Mike, what is your problem with Frankie? His mom is Snooki. So how is his problem? It's not his problem, but his mom rides rockets and smushies. And I don't want you coming home and talking about... I don't want you coming home riding rockets and talking about smushies. Does Frankie have a curfew? No. Does Frankie go tee peeing at night? He goes tanning at night. Oh. You're not allowed over there, buddy. Yeah, I don't need you coming home all tan and tweaked out. I want a tanning membership. No. Why? Because you're 12. to everything I ask. It's like... No. I feel like Uncle Woods here. Oh, gosh. You know, that was a really interesting comment, Luke, my now 12-year-old. I'm 13. You're 13. Maybe you know where my birthday is. I do. But that was an interesting comment. Your Uncle Woods is really on one today. Yeah, well... In fact, Luke, M1 Redbeard is on the line. Are you there, Redbeard? Yeah, I'm here. What did you want to... Since we have Luke on the line, what did you want to tell Uncle Woods?

2:40:33from Dallas? Yes, he is. And doesn't it rain a lot there in Dallas? Yes, it does. Oh, it does. So maybe he changes his man fawn and gets on with it. Oh, wow. Well, thank you for the call. That was brilliant. Oh, wow, Luke. Luke, why are you getting so mad? Luke, what's the matter? What? Luke. Freaking funny. That was funny. That was good. Oh, wow. Luke, you can't be talking like that. Really? You're still too young. Luke. What? Get off the phone. I'll see you later. Hey. Don't ask. What time are you getting off today? Shut up. Hey. Hey. What time are you getting off today? Wow. Oh, man. This is the first time I've ever heard Luke laugh. Yeah. A genuine laugh. A jolly little kid.

2:41:35Dallas ain't Seattle, pal. Okay, it rains every now and then. Jesus. It rains quite a bit. No, it doesn't. I've been there for 20 years. It's been raining right now. Is it? No, I don't know. It's pouring right here. Oh, that was one of the funniest things ever. Just leave me alone. I'm on a period today. Imagine if Lauren or I said that. Yeah. No, I have a vomit in my mouth. I know you do. There's a lady in Florida selling all of her ex-husband stuff on eBay. It's a wild story. We'll tell you about it coming up. Sienna, tell me about the lady in Florida that's selling her ex-husband stuff on the Ebays. Well, I'm very distracted by all the pictures I have on this news article. I'll take it.

2:43:24Hot stuff. I will show to Woods and Jay later, Mike. You are not allowed. You're not allowed. Oh. But it's a Florida woman, and she's making a lot of money by selling her cheating ex-boyfriend's clothing and other things, shoes and stuff like that, on eBay. She's going by the name Taylor. My favorite name. Wow. Why isn't it after Thanksgiving? Oh, I wish, I wish, I wish. It's not, Sophie. Oh, I wish it was after Thanksgiving. I know. Well, she says it's not about being vindictive, but it started as getting back at him, but now she says it's fun, it's therapeutic. Well, yeah, it's vindictive. Not only he cheated on her, so then he came back, moved out, but some of the stuff was left there. She kicked him out of the house. She has like sweatshirts, jeans, like gym shorts, tennis shoes, all these things that she's modeling naked. Like she has no clothes on and is just like. Is that to get him back? So she's naked. She's hot. And that's getting him back. Her body is ridiculous. Look at Jay running in here. She covers her face and you can't see. Wow. Yeah. She's modeling.

2:44:39Oh, wow. Woods. Woods just rubbed on the picture. Her belly. He just rubbed on the picture. Hi. Oh. Winner. Sold. Anyway, she has a smoking hot body. Looks like a Victoria's Secret model. But she covers her face and is, like, you know, posing as if she is a Victoria's Secret model in his clothes and showing a lot of skin. But you don't see privates. You're pretty close to it, but. Looks like everything's half off. Right. Oh, wow. I wonder if you buy the stuff and then she takes it off because otherwise it's still just some guy's crappy old sweatshirt. Creepers probably want it because she's wearing it. They think they can get her email address and they're like, I can get her. I just want to smell. It's an old shoe, Jay. But it was her foot that was in it. It was his foot that was in it. Well, she put it up against her breasts. Those are store-bought, by the way. Smells like boobs. Snap-ons. You're going to smell. The side of an old New Balance shoe, Jay. Just because it grazed a boob. Don't make me think you wanted to creeper on this one. You rubbed the picture. Yeah, you rubbed. It's black and white. I'm going to take that shoe. Ew. Are we talking about the shoe? Unlace it and then lace it back up. It's my favorite part. Wow. Tie me up.

2:46:56Remember when we used to roast Woods real good? We just did that. Like last break? Yeah. He put the hat back on, so it's probably coming again. Yeah, it is. It's an unlucky hat. Another eruption. Yeah. Mount Woods. Unlucky hat. Oh, wow. Just knocking things over. What did that mean? I don't know. Somebody just knocked over a trash can? Woods is so upset that he knocked a trash can. I like the way it sounds. Happy birthday. Wow. I just want to freak out. Oh, sorry, Mike. You just like the way it sounds. Oh, no. That is an actual boobuzella. Stop. Order. Woods knows that the thing that gets me is distraction. Like him eating that Twizzlers in the microphone? Yes, you know, and he will. He doesn't care. He stood up earlier. Nobody could see it. And he took his shorts and he pulled his shorts all the way up to his crotch. No one could see it. Why? And like.

2:48:20You're in the middle of saying something, Sienna, and I'm trying to pay attention to you. I'm trying to speak. And you're trying to give this news story. Yeah. Nobody could see it. Woods has got his shorts pulled up to his crotch. It looked like a diaper. It looked like a diaper. It was funny, but it was so distracting. We wouldn't relent until we looked over and went. I hate all of you. By the way, the guy that pulled his shorts up to his crotch, revealing his white legs like a diaper, just said to me, Grow up. Just grow up. Rise above it. Oh, boy. It's this new bit. Just rise above it. Just rise above it. How is it in Perfectville? Yeah. Just rise above it. Oh, boy. We should be different. Huh. Let's be friends. I love all of you. I remember when we were friends. Yeah. That was Friday. Yeah. I'm friendly. Once came in here a shot out of a cannon. He's a tornado. I think it was a rain. The rain got you. I want to be friends with the tornado, but I'm real scared. Yeah, I'm afraid of it. I'm real scared. Spit out. You don't poke the tiger sometimes. You can, though. You get good stuff out of it. Yeah, you get the blood out of it. Yeah, you get the blood out of it. You get the tiger blood. Is that what you want? Yeah. It's going to melt your face off. I'll rip you and throw it out with my teeth. Yeah. With my fangs. I'm a warlock. You can't handle it. Steve Woods. That's right. You can't handle it. If your kids were to take Steve Woods, they would implode. They would implode.

2:49:51And cry and stand over your dead body. Couldn't handle it. What should every car at this point in time, 2011, what should every car come standard with? iPad jack. Yes. Wait, iPad? iPad. iPad. Yes. Agreed. And if it doesn't, what's your problem? Yeah. How about that cool parallel parking feature where you just pull up next to a car and you hit a button and it parts you? But isn't that... See, I'm thinking... That is expensive technology to do that. I'm talking a standard feature. A mirror in the sun visor. How annoying is it when you're in a car and there's no mirror there? Power windows. That's not too expensive? No, it should be everywhere now. You should not be cranking your window down. Who still has the crank? They still do. They still do. Cheap cars. I just went on the lot and saw tape decks and roll-up windows. I'm like, who are you? Tape decks? Yes. Wow. Who's throwing a cassette in there? Todd. Todd. Besides Todd. 11 models. Just old docking tapes real good. He won't get rid of them. He loves them. What else? Why are they still making cars with roll-down windows? I don't know. Some people like them. Why don't all cars have a sunroof?

2:51:13Doesn't everyone want a sunroof? No, I don't want a sunroof. Really? Why don't you want a sunroof? I don't want one in the Suburban because I don't like it. It's hot. It's extra heat. And my AC doesn't work. I never open it when you have one. You don't want the option? Uh-uh. My wife has one and I'm like, oh, cool. And then I forget about it. It gives you just the perfect amount of air without blowing in your face. That's true. That's true. It is nice if it's cool out. Maybe I changed my mind on that one. If it's hot, you get a little sun. Yeah. Yeah, I don't like baked face though when I'm driving. Baked face. Half baked face. Oh, yeah. Has a little visor. That's true. Just stop picking on me. I think GPS should be standard. Yes. Yes. Agreed. Agreed. Rebecca this weekend, my wife, saw my wife, and she may be listening. She wouldn't care. No, she's roasted me pretty good lately. It's true. Rebecca tells stories too slow. Let me explain. Most women do. By most, you mean all? We give too many details. Oh, my God. It's not our fault. We can't help it. She probably thinks I give stories too fast. No, we probably think you don't give enough details. Yeah. We were like, wait, wait, wait. What were you wearing? Yeah, I was just going to give that same example. What did you order? Yeah. She'll start to tell a story, and I want, like... You're like... No, it isn't boring. See, there's... And I'm glad you said that, because...

2:52:43That would be one thing. It isn't that. I know you think my stories are too slow. Really? I can tell. Give me an example. When I started to tell them, you give me the, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Speed it up, speed it up, speed it up, speed it up. I can give you an example of what it would sound like if you're wondering. She'll go, this is how it always begins. It begins like where we're going is big. That's how it begins. So it'll be like this. Did I tell you, by the way, about Jocelyn? No. No, no. What's going on? Oh, man. I can't believe I didn't tell you this. So we really have to think about helping out. I got a call the other day and it was like noon and I was just taking Jake home and I just got home. And I came in and I got this phone call. She's telling you this while she's changing the baby's diapers or she's distracted and cooking at the same time. I bet they're in the car together when she's giving you this. Now, you fast forward four minutes and she's like, and so I could tell something was wrong. This is an exaggeration. This is an exaggeration. Four minutes. Gross.

2:54:15Exaggeration. Girls do the, like if they get off track, they're like, oh, whatchamacallit. I hate them. Rebecca's going to hate me, but he's not exaggerating. I'm not exaggerating. I love Rebecca, and he ain't exaggerating. You can't say things like that. You can't. I'm not in love with her. I love her. It's women. She's going to be upset. It's women. No, no, no. Why? No, no. She believes I tell stories. She says, and she's right. I'll go, I'll say things too fast with no detail. In other words, I'll go, uh, don't forget. The thing. Helen is coming Saturday. And she'll be like, what are you talking about? But I don't mean just it's when we were in the car, the last meet and greet we went to, we were driving and Mikey and I were in the front and Jamie and Rebecca in the back, our wives. I was there, too. Oh, yeah. And you were there, too. And they were telling stories. And Mikey and I were like, oh, my gosh. No, no, no, no. You weren't there after Pample Moose. They were telling stories. And Mikey and I were like, spit it out, guys. I was like, hey, you got John Grisham and Hans Christian Anderson in the backseat. I did. He said that.

2:55:13I was like, guys, get your stories out. Both of them. It was maddening. Just because you wanted to hear each other talk to each other. And that's all you can about. I wanted to hear the story. The punchline. Where are we going? The arc of the story. The whatever. Is that a woman and man thing? It is. And you guys aren't subtle. Jay's a good listener. You guys are always like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is the worst? And force me to my point. Kick ass. You make... me feel like I'm the worst storyteller because Woods is like a kid with a shiny object. He's not. Where's the shiny object? Well, Mike is still. They both are. You both are. You both are, really. You have different techniques. Woods says, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Mike goes, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And then starts playing with something else. Mike pretends to listen. Woods will just bail. Yeah, I'll just leave. He'll just leave. I will. He'll be like, I don't have time for this. Hey, Grisham, get it out. You just bail on me. I'm like, I didn't even finish. I leave. It makes me feel like I'm in a situation. I want to have a word with Rebecca where I can say the word. And, you know, like I'll go.

2:56:19Freeway. Curtains. If I say curtains, it means, where are we going? Wrap it up. Where are we going? And she got to the end of it, and I go, was there more? Is that it? You're so mean. No, no, no. I did it. I'm telling you, Sienna, I'm not mean. She's trying to tell you a story, and she loves the story and is passionate about it, so wants to give you every detail. I promise you guys, I didn't do it mean. I was like, okay, I did it like this. I go. I'm being serious. I go, now that was, and that's what happened, right? Like, I did it just like that. It wasn't demeaning. I've gotten that from you before. Yeah, and she goes, yeah. And I go, okay, okay. Eight minutes. You give me the furrowed brow, like, so, and then you replay what you think the point of the story was. I'm like, no, no, no. So. This is a male-female thing. It is. It is. You should say pot of gold. That's why Jay. Get to the end of the rainbow. Get to the end of the rainbow.

2:57:23That's why it's good that Jay has daughters because it's made him more patient. Mike, when you have a little girl, you'll learn. Boys just say it. You'll learn when you have a little girl. No, I like to listen. Kim will do the thing, though, where I'll have to look at her. I'm like, are you being serious right now? Where she's talking? She's saying something that's just like. Outrageous. Girls like to talk. It's the detail. Matt has video of me. The first time he got his flip camera, he wanted to try it out. You know that you're saying this on the air. We're going to want to see it. No, I don't think he has it anymore. But he took a video. It was the first time he got his flip camera when we used to live together. He put it up, and I'm going on and on about how when it's your birthday, someone should call you. And he's in the closet. I'm going in and out around the house in different rooms being like, you know what I mean? And he's like, yeah, yeah. And I see it. And I'm saying, a text message is not acceptable on a birthday. And I'm going on. And then he's like, when's the last time y'all talked? And then I would go on and on and on. I'm goading you. That's girls, man. You know, especially if you live on the East Coast, call me up. It's my birthday. If you can call me my birthday, when are you going to call me? That's awesome. That is awesome. I love you, babe. I love you too, honey. We all do. Love us.

2:58:57Tonight's 8 o'clock album. R.E.M. Gave it everything you had, Garrett. Collapse into now. Welcome back to the Mikey Show. 5701949 is our number beginning and end of every show. We take open phone so you can call about anything you want to. So you can call about whatever. M1 Jason from PB. What's going on? Not much. Me and M1 Moose, my dog, are sitting here listening to you. It's a girl guy thing. It is. It's like those little details mean something to her. But me, it's like, she's like, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah for, you know, 20 minutes. I'm like, so you did actually get the milk then. Yeah. I do the same thing. So you went to the store. Mission accomplished. Great job. No, I'm going to tell you right now.

3:00:10I couldn't live without her. I mean, I couldn't, I would be lost without this woman. But women and men, we tell stories differently. Oh, yeah, that's me. But my thing, too, is, you know, first of all, she works at a law firm. I think that she'd have a little bit more important things to talk about than how she got the milk for the day. You know what I mean? But then when I ask her about work, she's like, eh, that was okay. We like to paint a picture. You definitely do. That is true. And we like to, if you're telling us a story. We want enough details to feel like we were there. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Or just you want to double check and try to catch them in a lie or something. It's just wanting to know like, okay, I want to set the mood for myself. Do it. Will you do it, Mike, with her? Not do it with her, but role play with her. I'm glad you clarified. Thank you. Did you just call me Steve? Yeah, I did. Like you went to lunch with me. You did. You went to lunch with me. You're married to L.O.B. Okay. No, no. Hey, babe. Hi. Uh, what'd you do for lunch today? Woods and I went to, uh, Woods and I went to Chipotle. You went to Chipotle? What'd you get? I'm sorry. I just looked at my watch. Uh, I'm so tired. Oh, okay. What? Rough day? A lot of food? Well, just tired. What'd you get from Chipotle? Uh, burrito. Why? What kind? I don't know. I just want to know. Um, I want to know because what I'm making for dinner and I want to make sure you had, you know.

3:01:38Were you going to make Chipotle tonight? No, but if you have pork, I'm not going to do pork chops. Are you just a comedian full time? No, I just am a guy that's tired. Okay. He's so tired you just can't answer. There's three choices of burritos. I had one of those pork ones. Oh, okay. So much for the pork chops for dinner. I'll just go put those back in the freezer, I guess. No, I... What did Woods have? I don't remember, babe. I don't remember. Oh, okay. I don't remember what he had. I must have been having intercourse with a woman. That's not exactly what... I just wanted to know. I don't remember. Shoot me for wanting to know. That is a true conversation. I don't remember. Is that Matt? No. That's pretty good. Is that Matt? No. Have you had that conversation with Matt? No, and he never thinks I'm accusing him of anything. He'll be like...

3:02:35and search for something and then go, I don't know. I don't ask the kind of questions. Because usually I want to know stories. Like, he'll be like, yeah, it's crazy. Like, my mom, you know, ran into her, someone she hasn't seen in 25 years. And I'll be like, she did? What did she say to him? Well, what did he say back to her? Oh, my God. What was his name? Wait, so what's he doing now? Oh, my God. And he'll be like, I don't know. I will tell you this. This is what does kill me. And this is regardless of gender, man or woman. The thing that kills me is when somebody tells you a story and in the story they tell you something wild that someone said. Like, for instance, they'll go, she said to him, you are the fattest hippopotamus I've ever seen in my life. And I'll go, holy cow, what did they say? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. You don't know. You don't have the important details. How did you not ask the question? How did you not ask what they said? It's ridiculous. I don't know. But see, with women, we find almost any little morsel to be as fascinating as the hippopotamus comment. That I don't understand. That part I don't get. We want to feel like we were there with you and be like, wow, cool. And I know that's Rebecca's deal. She is genuinely curious. Did you go to lunch? What did you do? Went to lunch. Oh, where'd you go? I'm not cheating. I'm not cheating. I do the Sopranos bit with Jamie when she asks me really more than two questions. I go,

3:04:01What are you on the school paper? What are you taking notes? What's the deal? It's fine. I went to lunch with Mikey. I had a burrito. Let it go. Drives me nuts. The Inquisition. I feel like you should be on the stand. Yes. No. Yes. It's coming from a place of interest. Yes. It is. We're interested in you. It is. I love you all. Women and men are different. Men are from Mars. Jeremy will do the like. oh my gosh, so-and-so hooked up over the weekend. And I'm like, really? Oh my God, have they been talking for a while? Where? And he's like... That's all I got. All I got for you, babe. How did you not ask? Stuff about babies or like, oh my God, they're engaged. What? What's the ring look like? It's like, I don't know. I just know they're engaged. And you're like, I don't know. Drives you nuts. I want those details, especially those examples. I want those details. Babies, marriage, romance. Not us. Not us. When your husband comes home and you go, what'd you do today? Do you want?

3:05:08details not really and you know part of that might have to do with our lifestyle we have a child we both work it's we're so busy by the time i get home i'm like cooking dinner hanging out i don't really have time for all that i'm you know i want to know if he had a good day and i love to listen but i definitely don't need all the details like i'm did you used to i don't have the mental space for it yeah yeah I don't want to know the mundane. I want to know the exciting stuff. Yeah. The everything. Sure. Although I have a really good sense of smell, so I can usually, like, when I see Matt, I'll be like, watermelon? You had a watermelon? Oh, my God. She can. She can. He'll be like, it was honeydew, but yes. Yes. I did eat a melon. Six hours ago. I had melon for breakfast, Lauren. I'm sorry. And I'll be like, you changed your aftershave. He's like, you're unbelievable. Yeah. I'm like, what deodorant are you using? Oh, my gosh. I got a new one. Yeah. Yeah. Bloodhound. I'm a bloodhound. She is. But she'll notice the slightest differences. Yep. Yeah. She'll be like, that's weird. There's a blonde eyelash. I do. Poor guy. So yeah, it's probably yours. Yeah. It's weird though because mine are a quarter of an inch long and that one's three quarters of an inch long. I took a shower at his house yesterday and I saw a little travel size shampoo and conditioner in there. And the whole time I was showering, I was like, wow.

3:06:30What are those? I wonder who's going to stay in here. They're the same brand of his big bottles of stuff. So I got out of the shower and I was like, what's up with the travel-sized dressmate? Oh, my God. Taking a little. trip out to Atlanta? Hey, do you have a house guest that I wasn't sure aware of that's staying here for the weekend? I'm just a little detail person, but he was like, they exploded in my gym bag, and so I took them out and used them, and I was like, okay. You should just try it. Yes, I'm having intercourse with another woman. Well, he had gotten a new shower curtain and all this stuff, and I was noticing all this stuff, and then I noticed the tresemme, and I was like... Freaking tresemme. Tresemme. It's the name of our next album. Tresemme. Tresemme. Yeah, the Tresemme's. Garrett. Hell, what do you got coming up next? Oh, good stuff. New Arcade Fire, Iron and Wines, new one I grabbed, an old Joe Jackson record, Black Keys, Raconteurs, you know, good stuff. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next, and we will come back tomorrow at 6 and do this again. Mikey Show's out late.