The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 03/15/10
Monday, March 15, 2010
Monday March 15, 2010
The time change causes some screw ups. Michael Shannon jokes never get old to Woods and Lauren. L.T. signs with the Jets to most Chargers’ fans dismay. I wish the guy luck, however. So the Prius Guy was a faker after all? Toyota thinks so. Mikey then plays audio of the funny Andre Agassi/Pete Sampras fracas then goes into Pocket Dialing mishaps. Jay enjoys letting his kids know when he’s going to get busy with Mom. Just when you thought Sean Penn couldn’t be a bigger douche, Sienna has news. Dave Matthews stops by wearing a tuxedo made of hemp but one pant leg is missing…guess where it went! Dave then sings a hilarious ode to Oscar superstar Meryl Streep. Next is a weird sex story where German man thinks with his kraut not with his brain. Woodsie drops his awesome GnR version of “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door”. Richard Belzer laying his hands on an Apple store employee prompts an interesting discussion. Tom Tom Girl and Movie Phone Guy’s love drama continues to evolve into craziness! Lauren gets sideways glances when she informs Mikey that women’s bathing suits have crotch pockets to keep the “toes” in place. A comical 911 call is next of a crack dealer who’s upset about being paid in Monopoly money. Woods of Wisdom offers some great shaving advice and when to date after a divorce. Cyclists, those spandex wearing Nazis! Grunion fever…catch it! Sienna admits she checks out dudes who jog, which leads to talk about the difference in men and women checking out the opposite sex. Why do married dudes go to strip clubs? Woods is not a stripper fan.
Bumper Music
1. Queen – “We Will Rock You”
2. Rage Against the Machine – “Sleep Now in the Fire”
3. One Republic – “Stop and Stare”
4. Michael Jackson – “Human Nature”
5. Joe Walsh – “Life’s Been Good”
6. Floor Thirteen – “Blame it on Me”
7. Aerosmith – “Sweet Emotion”
8. Muse – “Uprising”
9. P.O.D. – “Roots in Stereo”
10. Paul Simon – “Late in the Evening”
11. Switchfoot – “Sing it Out”
12. Paul Wright – “Ocean Beach”
13. Poco – “Crazy Love”
14. The Police – “Synchronicity II”
15. The Commodores – “Sail On”
16. Night Ranger – “Sister Christian”
runaway PriusPeter Graves tributedaylight saving timetennis rivalrySean Penn and Haiticomic arrestsradio character sketchesparenting and drivinggrunion runextreme weight gainmikey showpeter graves
Mikey, Woodsy, Lauren O'Brien, Sienna and Jay doubted James Sykes's runaway-Prius story after federal tests could not reproduce it, remembered Peter Graves through Airplane!, and laughed about daylight saving time making Mikey's babysitter wake two hours early. They dissected Andre Agassi's on-court jab at Pete Sampras and Sampras's retaliatory serve, then argued that Sean Penn's Haiti work did not make questions about his rectal-cancer remark irrelevant. Comedy followed around the arrested German Romeo, Mikey's pressurized salsa explosion, a jealous MovieFone Guy and TomTom Girl, and a Monopoly-money crack deal turned mock 911 call. Mikey also admitted letting three-year-old Jake steer from his lap before a runner shamed him into stopping, while the show planned a grunion outing and recoiled at Donna Simpson's goal of reaching 1,000 pounds.
What happened, in order
Runaway Prius doubted
Federal testers could not reproduce James Sykes's claimed 94 mph Prius acceleration, and the hosts debated whether a rare fault or a publicity stunt explained it.
Peter Graves remembered
The hosts marked Peter Graves's death by celebrating his deadpan Captain Oveur performance in Airplane! and replaying the cockpit-question montage.
Two hours too early
Rebecca manually advanced the babysitter's phone for daylight saving time, only for the phone to update itself and wake her two hours early.
Charity match turns ugly
At a Haiti charity doubles match, Andre Agassi mocked Pete Sampras's tipping, and Sampras responded by serving a ball toward Agassi's head as the stadium went silent.
Sean Penn challenged
After Sean Penn refused a reporter's question about wishing rectal cancer on critics of his Haiti work, the hosts argued over whether he was protecting the cause or dodging accountability.
Romeo gets arrested
A German man climbing to his girlfriend's second-floor window with flowers and wine was arrested after she mistook him for an intruder and he ran because of outstanding warrants.
The salsa explosion
Mikey brought salsa home from Mexico in a sealed water bottle, opened the pressurized container, and sprayed the kitchen with what he compared to a Goodfellas crime scene.
GPS love triangle
TomTom Girl admitted being courted by Garmin and Magellan, prompting a jealous MovieFone Guy to demand exclusivity after reversing his vasectomy for her.
Monopoly-money crack deal
A Wichita buyer paid for crack with Monopoly money and was later pistol-whipped, inspiring an absurd mock 911 call from the cheated dealer.
Jake's last lap drive
Mikey let three-year-old Jake steer while sitting on his lap, then accepted a runner's angry rebuke and said he would never do it again.
Chasing grunion
The crew explained San Diego's grunion run, the rules for catching the spawning fish by hand, and their unlikely late-night plan to go together.
The 1,000-pound goal
Sienna described Donna Simpson's attempt to reach 1,000 pounds despite limited mobility and a young daughter, while the hosts called the goal dangerous and urged medical intervention.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsyLauren O'BrienSienna FarrarJay IsbellRebeccaJames SykesPeter GravesAndre AgassiPete SamprasRoger FedererRafael NadalSean PennJake
39,813 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
I have less of a problem in the fall when we have to go back. Yes. Me too. And that's the better one for all of us because we gain an hour. We lose the hour on the one that we just did, and I have less of a hard time dealing with it. Sienna's shaking her head right now like I can't stand it. I hardly slept last night. Really? It was a mental thing, I'm sure. Nervous. But I was just like, I have to wake up an hour earlier, I have to wake up an hour earlier, and I slept maybe like two hours. You know what? I want to hear, too, because there's always screw-ups. Oh, yeah. I'd love to hear from people that screwed up because I know people screwed up and did something stupid. I had the paranoia going yesterday really badly with my baseball game. Yeah. And was like, I just said, you know what, I'm just going to wake up at 6. Yeah. And I'll eat some cereal and hang out and just make it happen. Yeah. It was awful. Yeah, and I can't wait. I want to talk to Woodsy about his first baseball game. You know, he plays hardball.
If you want to ask him about that, we'll do that in a bit. My name's Mike, and on the radio I go by the name Mikey, which is sophomoric, but the reason I do is because I was given that name, that nickname, years ago on the radio, and it stuck. After Michael Shannon. Oh, much longer after using the name Michael Shannon. It's the dumbest name ever. Sorry to all the other Michael Shannons. I know. Yeah, sorry. Sorry about that to a couple of Michael Shannons in their car right now that just looked at their speakers and made that body language. Really? Really? I'm sorry. It's just on the radio. I'll tell you why. It's a dumb name for a bald, short Mexican. That is wrong. For you, though, dude, that's in your car that's actually Irish, you're fine. Yeah. You were given that name at birth. That's you, okay? It wasn't me. And a person would take one look at me and go, oh, really? Really? Really? Shannon. Give me some corned beef and cabbage. Shannon, huh? Yeah, what's your... Top of the morning, guy. Yeah. Give me your recipe for corned beef and cabbage, will you? Mr. Irish. So you can call us. 5701-949 or text us 949mikey at gmail.com. And, yeah, I would love to hear stories from people that did something really dumb.
because of the time change because i know that a lot of you did it's just inevitable you messed up i want to hear it um let me introduce everybody i'm mikey i'm the host of the show i'm 39 years of age i'm wearing a brand new shirt today i you know i haven't had new clothes for a while wow man i just looked over at woods and he's stifling a laugh i just that it's a laugh of pride That's a classic. What you have on right now, it's timeless. It will never go away. It's a polo pullover, bro. Yeah, it's timeless. It just made Lauren laugh just saying that. Well, I thought of the Dumb and Dumber scene where he says, pullover, and he says, it's a cardigan. It's a cardigan. Thanks for asking. That's not a pullover. That's called a collared shirt. It's a polo shirt. It's called a polo shirt. A polo shirt. Yeah. Literally. What's a pullover?
It's something that you can pull over another shirt. Like a sweater vest. Yeah, or like a fleece. Really? It can be a pullover. In golf, it's a V-neck, so it allows your collar to stick out. Yep. Yeah. Color me embarrassed. It's just a good old-fashioned polo. I didn't know. I'm wearing a, yeah, good old-fashioned polo. Walked in this morning. Woodsy goes, ah, looking sharp, huh, pal? Yeah, I don't think he called you pal. I think he called you Cubby. Cubby, that's right. Yeah, he did. Look at sharp, Cubby. Looking sharp, Cubby. All righty. You like this, huh? You like it, yeah. It's a classic look. Never goes out of style, pal. That's right. Woodsy is our sports guy, and he's 34 years of age. Lauren O'Brien is our assistant producer. She's 29. Sienna is, she's actually Sienna, she's actually Sienna Farrar now, all right? Yes. A married woman. Yes, so weird. She's 24 years of age, and then Jay. Isbell is our producer. He's 46. Surfed a little bit this weekend. We'll tell you all about it. That's weird. I know it. You know that. That guy gets into it. Gets after it. 570-1949. Call us up. Say hello. Beginning and end of every show, you M1s have the show. M1 is a Mikey Show listener. So when you call in, you turn your radio down, get to the point, don't cuss. And you belong to M1 Nation. That's what we got here. That's what Mikey Show fans are.
I don't know if you have heard the news yet, but LT, I know. Be careful. Be careful. He's no longer a San Diego Charger. You knew that, but he is officially signed with a new team. And Woodsy, what team did he sign with? The Jets. I was surprised. I was very surprised. You thought he was going to go Vikings? I did. I did. I had to think he was going to go with AP. who's Adrian Peterson. I had to think that that was his best chance of winning a Super Bowl, getting Brett Favre back there. But you know what? The Jets are pretty strong, too, as Charger fans know. I mean, they came in here and took care of business last year. And you bring this kid, you bring LT in there with this kid, Sean Green, that they got. I mean, watch out. So Sean Green will start. Yeah. And LT will back him up. Yep.
Man. And they've come to our house for a couple playoffs, so we might be seeing them. You may be seeing them again. Can you imagine? Back in the queue with a different jersey. I think he's going to like playing for Rex Ryan. He's a players coach. And then also... I don't care. Cromartie is with the Jets, too, who tweeted, I'm very happy for my homie, LT. That's great. Yeah. Enjoy that weather over there in New York, LT. Their teammates. While we're in the sunshine year-round. Not his fault. I know, but I'm upset. Not his fault. Not his fault at all. Can I vent in my own way? You can vent to A.J. Smith. That's who you should be venting to. I know. Two-year deal, right? It's terrible. Two-year deal. Yeah, he's there. He's excited. And we should probably hear from LT today or tomorrow. Oh, such a bummer. His wife's pregnant, too. Yep. The whole fam over there. That's right. That's a hike.
Anyway, that's the deal with LT. If you hadn't heard, LT is now a Jet. Well, they were the fourth-ranked rushing team last year. So just imagine how much better they're going to be now. They've got a great line. They've got a great line. So it's a good, good opportunity for him. He has something to prove. Yep. Oh, yeah. He's going to play with a chip on his shoulder. Oh, yeah. And he's going to be good. He's going to be good. I have that West Side story in my head. The song, When You're a Jet. When You're a Jet. And it's making me mad. It's true. Also, what is the latest? What's the latest, Sienna, with the guy that was on the freeway in his Prius, and we heard the 911 calls, and he's a 60-some-year-old guy. What's the latest? Oh, you mean the new balloon boy? No. Is it really? No way. He's the new blue boy. No. That's crazy. Why? Why? Dude, they've been testing his Prius. Now, you remember, this happened on the aid freeway last Monday. This guy, I think he's 61 years old. His name is James Sykes. There he goes.
Called 911. He said that his accelerator wouldn't stop. It reached the speeds of 94 miles per hour. Well, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has been testing his Prius. Now, they did a two-hour test. They checked everything, and they could not duplicate the situation, which is saying highly unlikely that it happened in the first place. Basically, failure to repeat the incident is... Yeah. If there's something wrong, you should be able to see it. Of course. You know what I mean? Wow. Also... Although, don't you guys all think it's one of those deals, too, where whenever you go to the mechanic, it never does what you want it to. Oh, yeah. I know. That's true. So you have to go... It's like... Ding, ding, ding. It's going... Sorry, I don't hear it. Yeah, but it makes the sound, though. Yeah, we just gave it a run. I'm not hearing it. Okay, I'll tell you. It goes like this. Yeah, yeah. See, if you hear we're idling right now, I'm going to give it a little gas. Explain the sound to me again. It's like this, but not necessarily in this pitch. So it's more like... I think you're crazy. I think you're crazy. You just can't hit that note. So many times you have to try to hit the note, and you're like, well, I don't... It's like a whee! I'm not... I don't know. Can't quite get it. Also a professor of mechanical engineering at Ketering University.
was talking about this. And he said that there's at least two systems that would have had to fail simultaneously for this guy to have had the situation that he claimed he had. Really? He said there had to be a sensor signal that tracks and brake and gas pedal positions when the driver presses on them. I don't know. It's like a whole other language to me. But there was two other... Things that would have had to happen at the same time. And he says, for that to have happened at the exact same time, highly unlikely, my friends. No way. Shady. Highly unlikely. Can you believe that dude may affect it? Yes. You can. I can. You don't find it hard to believe at all, right? Nothing shocks me anymore. It's brutal. Nothing shocks me anymore. It's brutal. Well, that's the deal. And Prius man may be Prius boy. And in case you didn't hear, we mentioned this briefly last week, was that he's also been on TV before. Yeah. He's been on TV and he has been in TV because he really wants to try to be known. Apparently so. Right? I mean, imagine if... I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the odds were not in his favor and something did happen. But imagine if nothing happened and you're driving 94 miles an hour and you have to keep it at...
You know, the cop is behind you. This is a huge deal. You know the news is following it. And, like, to put yourself in that situation voluntarily. Bro, I don't have the stones to do something like that. I know it. You have some big stones. No matter how much. Guess who passed away over the weekend. Tom Cruise. Nope. Ving Rhames. Much older. I can't believe you just guessed Tom Cruise. Well, Mission Impossible. That was a big deal. Much older. This is the man that does it. Joey, we have something here for our special visitors. Would you like to have it? Thank you. Thanks a lot. Sure. You ever been in a cockpit before? Oh, sure. I've never been on a plane before. You ever seen a grown man naked? Amazing. It's so funny. Amazing. So funny. It's one of the greatest movies ever made. Peter Graves. Peter Graves. That's Captain Over. Captain Over. Clarence Over.
Such a bummer. Clearance, clearance. What's the deal? He was found dead in his home yesterday on Sunday, and there's no sign of foul play in the actor's death. The fact that they even said that kind of makes me mad. Shocking. He's 83 years old, you know? He's just old age. Yeah. I mean, that's the best way to go, ain't it? Absolutely. You get to live a full, long life, and you get to die like that. That'd be the coolest thing. I look forward to dying of old age at 60. Listen to this. I couldn't believe it when you called. It's been so long. Oh, much, much too long. I love that voice. The voice kills me. It's information impossible. Memory is extraordinary. It's one of the things I appreciated about you the most. It's a great memory. Oh, this is nice. Peaceful. The dudes that made Airplane are brilliant for recognizing in that voice that he would be the... Perfect deadpan dude for the movie Airplane. They recognized it. Here's a montage of Captain Over's questions for little Joey in the movie Airplane. Joey, we have something here for our special visitors. Would you like to have it? Thank you. Thanks a lot. Sure. You ever been in a cockpit before? No, sir. I've never been. I'm already laughing. He hasn't even said anything funny yet. And I'm already.
I already love it. It's like him and Leslie Nielsen. Those two voices just crack me up. Leslie Nielsen's in this movie. Yeah, absolutely. I've been up playing before. You ever seen a grown man naked? Do you want me to check the weather, Clarence? Kareem. Kareem is doing the worst. Joey, do you ever hang around the gymnasium? Joey, do you like movies about gladiators? Turkish rhythm. Joey. Have you ever been in a Turkish prison? Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison? He's like six. So great. I remember watching that with my dad when I was a little kid. My dad was just slapping his knee and crying. Oh, yeah. It's one of the only movies where I laughed so hard that tears were like pouring down. I mean.
And it's still like that. It's timeless. It's timeless. Lauren, you're 29. You've seen it. Did you see it when you were a kid or you did? Yeah, same thing. My dad was really into it. And it's crazy. I watch a lot of the older movies that I thought were funny back in the 80s and 90s that don't necessarily hold their weight anymore. And Airplane is just that timeless movie that doesn't matter when you see it. Sienna, you're 24. Have you seen it? You haven't? Come on now. See, that's the thing. My wife is 33. I can guarantee you she's never seen it. I can guarantee it. I'll guarantee. She's married to you and she hasn't seen Airplane. No, but it's one of those deals where, like this weekend, Woodsy and I were talking about, this is Spinal Tap. My wife's never seen it. Now, I wonder about Airplane, because I have such an emotional attachment to both movies. I wonder if they would play well now to somebody that's never seen them. I think they would, but I only think that because I have such an emotional attachment. I'm not sure about this is Spinal Tap, but I think with Airplane, it withstands the test of time. I hadn't seen it in a little while, and I saw it recently. Well, I'll tell you what. Spinal Tap withstands the test of time because I watched it yesterday again, and it is amazing. Yeah. Amazing. It's pretty awesome. 570.
One ninety four nine is our number. You want to text us nine four nine. Mikey at Gmail dot com. Let's see. We're getting a couple of text messages just with random questions. Mikey, I want to use what app can I use to listen to the Mikey show on my iPhone? That's M1JD. Just go on to your to your apps and just search FM ninety four nine. It'll come up. It's really, really easy. It's pretty awesome. 570-1949. And then, again, our text is 949mikey at gmail.com. Mikey, I get off work at 6 a.m., forgot about daylight savings, left for work at 7 a.m. That's the worst. It's the worst. My wife, we have a babysitter that spends the night with us on Saturday night. And Sunday mornings are the greatest mornings for us because we get to sleep in. She's spending the night on Saturday night, and Rebecca makes sure that on her cell phone, she knows that the babysitter uses her cell phone as an alarm. So Rebecca made sure that she physically went into the phone and changed it an hour ahead. For her. So that the next morning she got the kids up on time, right? And the babysitter's like, oh, good idea. So she does. Little does she know.
Her phone is going to reset itself an hour ahead automatically. So she was up two hours early. I was going to say, I didn't miss a beat this weekend because between my phone and my computer, I was good to go. Those are the first things that I look at before I look at the clocks in my house that don't exist. I was really wigged out doing it. I'm like, forward, what do I do? And is my phone going to do it? And it did. I made an interesting observation over the weekend about myself, which was, at what age do we just start to use the word wonderful? I noticed it like four times. I'm 39 years old. Oh, wonderful. How's that meal, Mr. Esparza? That's wonderful. Thank you so much. I don't know when I started doing that, but let me just say this. A 25-year-old does not say wonderful in general. Right. Okay?
There was a time in my life where I didn't use the word wonderful. And to me, it's almost the equivalent of putting my waist on my jeans above my navel. Yeah. Because I go, when did I start saying that? There was a point where if I said wonderful, I would come out of my own body, look at myself and go, dork, what are you doing? What are you up to with the wonderful? I need to hear an example. That was it. That was it. We were at dinner. He made the mention of it that. He's been saying wonderful a lot. And the guy goes, sir, is everything okay here? It's wonderful. Thank you so much. And I go, I would use that. I would say that. I was going to say, let's do a process of elimination and see by age, start with the youngest. Everything's wonderful. Thanks. You would say wonderful. Woodsy? Terrific. Terrific. I would say fantastic. Amazing. Great. Delicious. I say it's great. I use delicious a lot. Delicious. Ew. I get phone calls about how often you say delicious. Do you really? Yes, I have. You guys say delicious a lot. Tell them to get. Jay, do you say wonderful? No, I say beautiful. This is groovy, man. Groovy. That's far out, brother. This is bitchin'. It's bitchin'. I'm really keen to that. Keen? Wonderful is just a really adult word. It's very adult. My mom uses it a lot. She does? Guys, maybe it's a guy thing.
Maybe for women, it's not that big a deal. And a woman could say, be 24 years old and say wonderful. But for a guy to say it is, you know, it's kind of like putting a Yorkie in your purse, right? You know what I mean? Don't worry about it. Right? I think glorious is a little word. That's a little over the top. Wonderful. That's a little Elton John. It is. Glorious. Yeah. Kind of is. Let's see. Oh, so check this out. If you haven't heard this yet, this is. Fantastic. Andre Agassi and Pete Sampras. If you know anything about these two guys, you know that they've never been fans of one another. But they're doing a benefit for Haiti over the weekend, right, Woods? Yes. And their rivalry, it's all over ESPN. It's all over the news about how they got into a little verbal back and forth that some people think is pretty low.
But you be the judge because we have the audio. You're like, whoa. I mean, it's a benefit. What are you guys doing? Do it, man. And we know it's real. The emotions. I'm going to set the whole story. I got the whole story, the deep, deep inside info. It's coming out next. The show on FM 94.9. It's time for What's Cooking at Cox with Sam the Cooking Guy. You know, sometimes... Slow is good, like when I'm roasting a brisket. Other times, it's all about speed. And when you need information, Chop Chop, there's nothing faster than Cox High Speed Internet. With Cox Premier Service, you'll be cooking up to 33 times faster than AT&T's basic DSL. And with free Power Boost, you get a temporary burst of speed to download large files. Blazing fast.
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Your auto insurance over to AIS. You're nuts. Listen, I've been with AIS for quite a while. And what I can tell you about AIS beyond a shadow of a doubt is that they are going to check many, many different sources for you to save you dough on your auto insurance. M1 Anthony texted in and told me about how much money he saved. And it's a lot. And he got his wife on the program. That's the deal, too. You get your wife on it. You put all different forms of your insurance and double up and save even more money. You have multiple cars on there. You got a good driver discount that you can get. There's all kinds of ways to save if you're hooking it up with AIS. So give them a call today. Their phone number is 1-800-777-4AIS. 1-800-777-4247. You know, this is not what I thought I'd be doing today. What? You have big plans?
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For over 60 years, you could call or visit them at accounttamps.com, an equal opportunity employer. On the 5 southbound coming through Carlsbad right before Cannon Road, watch out. There's something in between the number one and two lanes. It's one of those unidentified objects. 15 southbound between Valley Parkway, Center City Parkway, just a little slow, about 45 miles an hour right now. This report also brought to you by McDonald's. You could try McDonald's new sweet blended ice frappes made with a hint of coffee topped with real whipped cream. Your day just got a little cooler and a whole lot sweeter. New frappes, now at McDonald's. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I'm not the most health conscious person in the world. Woods. It's hard work looking this good. Lauren. I'm very clumsy. Sienna. When they're real, you know. And Jay. I'm wearing Dockers right now. On FM 94.9. M1 Nation. I do. I do too. If you're an M1, you're a Mikey Show. Listen, man. We dig it. You're a part of something enormous. Something that is getting so absolutely awesome here in San Diego is taking over. FM 94.9 is the radio station in San Diego right now, and it's awesome. By the way, wanted to let people know, Hillary and Tommy are going to be broadcasting live on Wednesday at our annual St. Patrick's Day at Hulis. Hulis? In Rancho San Diego. It's going to be awesome, man.
570-1949 is our phone number. You want to text us? 949mikey at gmail.com is how you do that. Very easy. Let's do some of this. Make it right on a Monday. Make it right, yeah. Making it right on a Monday. That song's going to the top of the charts, by the way. Selection Sunday was yesterday. Here's how it shook out. Kansas has the number one seed in the north, Duke in the south, Kentucky in the east, and Syracuse in the west. And... The Mikey Show will be doing its own bracket. I send everybody their information. We'll talk about it after the show and get our brackets filled out this week. Did you send, so you sent everybody? Everybody's got it. I had no idea what that was. I did. I haven't opened it yet, but I got it. Okay. Sienna? I was like, what is this? I think I may have deleted it. I signed up. We're going to have a bracket thing. We'll have little, I don't know.
dorky prizes. Yeah, I can't wait to win those. Yeah, I can't wait to win. Me too. You guys will all be bringing me breakfast. Yeah. Manny Pacquiao beat Joshua Clotty Saturday night at Jerry World in Dallas, Texas. Yeah. He won nearly every round in a unanimous decision. Here he is talking about, he was surprised that Clotty wasn't more aggressive because Manny threw about a thousand punches, literally. For real? For real. A thousand punches? Insane. First of all, it would take me four days to throw 1,000 punches. It would take me four years to throw 1,000 punches. Yeah, this is him talking about why Claudio wasn't more aggressive. Cut two. He fights toe-to-toe, but I'm surprised he's backing off. I thought he was going to be pretty sure. Sienna, he's what? He said that he had a great day. Okay, got it. He had a great day. And a burrito for lunch. And a burrito for lunch. Which is weird because he's Filipino. He is. Hey, listen, maybe the guy likes Mexican food. He likes to taste the rainbow, all right? That's right. Next on the list, Floyd Mayweather. Everybody really wants this fight. This is him talking about how he wouldn't mind doing it too. Cut three. We won't need a translator. I want that fight because people want that fight. But, you know, it's up to him if he wants to fight me. I'm willing to fight, you know. I don't like that. The fight is post-throw. Post-throw, no more issue or something. Just agree to the rules and regulations of commission and the fight will be on. Yeah. You have to focus on his fight.
That's not an easy fight. He and Rosie O'Donnell really had to focus because they got into a fight. It was not an easy fight. He said Rosie O'Donnell. Yeah, he did. He did. So there were two ridiculous moves in the NFL this weekend, and they both happened by the same team. The lowly Cleveland Browns traded my man Brady Quinn to the Denver Broncos. What did they get for their former number one pick? A fullback. And a sixth round pick. Brady Quinn is now a Denver Bronco. A Denver Bronco. Yeah. That's great news for us. It's great for Brady Quinn. Yeah. And for the Chargers. It's great for the Chargers. Because you're a big Brady guy. I love Brady Quinn. Me not so much. And I'm glad that he's a Denver Bronco. I hope they start him. Really? Yeah. As a Charger fan, start the guy. What are you getting at, Mike? What I'm getting at is the guy looks. Like an NFL quarterback. I think the problem was, dude, that he played in Cleveland. Is that what it was? Yes. They traded away all his receivers, all the talent around him. He had no chance. So you think with Brandon Marshall, the guy will be good to go? Absolutely. He's going to be a great, great quarterback. He just needs the right opportunity. I wonder if you're right. I'm right. But, hey, have no fear, Cleveland fans, because guess who they brought in to replace him? Who? Jake Delholm. Really? The second lowest rated quarterback in the NFL.
just ahead of Jamarcus Russell. Oh, wow. And they gave him $7 million. You keep up the great work in Cleveland. Wow. Unbelievable. That's a bad franchise. It really is, dude. That's a bad franchise. Well, my twin, David Beckham, will miss the World Cup due to injury. He was playing a game for AC Milan, and he tore his Achilles tendon. There's speculation that his career on the soccer field It very well may be over, but he may play, he may not, but he's not playing in the World Cup. The only bad thing is, too bad he's not that sharp of a guy, and he probably won't find anything to do after his soccer career is over. As long as he keeps up with that underwear modeling, I think he'll be a golden. That may be true. Now for my favorite story in the last six months. Let's turn this down. Turn it down. I'm going to set the whole thing up for you. I was talking to a good friend of mine, and a lot of longtime Mikey Show listeners will know him. I'm not allowed to say his name anymore. We just call him he who shall not be named. Okay. I was speaking to him yesterday. He's a big tennis fan. Andre Agassi, Pete Sampras had a longstanding rivalry. It started in junior tennis at Nick Ballesteri's tennis camp, like in Florida, the best. So they've always battled each other. And so Andre wrote a book last year. Everybody knows. He admitted he used crystal meth and things like that. He also told a story about Pete Sampras being a notorious cheapskate. Really? And not a big tipper.
He said one time they pulled to a valet and Pete goes, yeah, sorry, pal, I don't have any money. And then he goes, oh, wait, here, I got a dollar and gave the guy a dollar. Oh, wow. Okay. So they are playing on Friday night, no, Saturday night, a charity tournament for Haiti. Okay. Okay. So it's all going to benefit Haiti. They all have the little wireless mics like Garth Brooks, Swear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so they're all mic'd up. And so it is Federer is playing with Sampras. And Rafael Nadal is playing with Agassi, and they're playing a doubles match. Okay. Okay? So play cut – no, play – yeah, play that email that I sent you. Got it. Okay, Andre. I'll joke around a little bit. I'm going to imitate you. So what he's doing there is he's doing the Agassi-famous little pigeon-toed duck walk. So he's making fun of the way he walks. Right. Now, so far, I'm guessing kind of harmless. Kind of harmless, but – Is it mean, Sienna? Well, that's the way he is. Yeah. It's not like a grunt that he does. That's the way he walks. Now, it seems like the audience is taking it in good fun. They are. Uh-oh. Andre looking on. Going, huh. Trying to have some, yeah. You definitely see the face that is, huh-huh. Really? Okay. Is that where we're going? Really? Okay. Say something. Say it. Pete. That's Pete Sampras saying, go ahead, say something. What are you going to say?
You could definitely tell it took a turn from fun to now it's... Bring it. And this is what you got to understand. Men, if they get any whiff, if there's the slightest smell in the air of disrespect... Or a call-out. Or a call-out. Forget it. Forget it. Well, right now, Agassi's taking his John McEnroe pills. Oh, yeah. Like, really? Absolutely. Okay. Absolutely. Okay, go ahead. So now... Agassi takes both pockets out of his shorts, and he looks right left. I don't have any money. I have no money. I don't have any money. I just, I... Oh, but by tipping? Okay. Wait, is this in the middle of a match? Yes, it's in the middle of a match. Charity match. Charity match. For Haiti. For Haiti. And, like, at first, obviously, this...
stadium full of people is like... And now they're like... It would have been awesome if right then and there, Pete Sampras brought his checkbook out and wrote a million dollar check to Haiti or something. Give a dollar. Oh, now, something just really interesting just happened. On Sampras' face, you see him, his eyes did a real quick roll-up, and the real quick roll-up were... I'm thinking, I'm thinking. He's trying to think of something. That will really nail Agassi. You can see his face. You can see him thinking. If you didn't hear it, when he pulled the pockets out and he goes, I don't have any money, you hear Sampras go, oh, is this about my tipping? Oh, really? Yes. There we go. But it's before that. It's all fun and games, so somebody gets hurt, huh? All right. So then, so then, Pete Sampras has the ball.
Agassi's on the other side. He's not even on the side he's supposed to be serving to. Sampras fires a ball at his head. Directly at his head. He had to duck out of the way of a Pete Sampras serve. Dude, that's really, that makes him look bad. Sampras is a punk. Yeah. Mark that down. Got personal. You got personal with me. Sampras. Weird. It's dead. Dead silent now. Dead silent. Is Sampras just saying he got personal with me? Okay, you're making fun of the way the guy is. He made fun of a little thing you did one time. Right. Like, I think that his was way worse. And he fired the ball at him. Well, obviously, that made him look like a little kid. He's a punk. Where were the officials on this? Stunned like everyone else. Everybody knows it already, Pete. Oh, my gosh. It's so crazy. I loved it so much. I watched that thing no less than five times yesterday, and I go,
We have to play this in the morning. I loved it. I loved it. It only gets creepier and creepier every time you look at it. It's so creepy. Go to ESPN, look under tennis, and you can watch the whole thing. I tried. I don't know how to do that. I'll help you. We'll put it up there. Thank you. Maybe I'll put it on my blog later. My goodness. My goodness. So anyway, that's a deal. I will say I used to work at a tennis club for years and my parents are tennis fanatics. And I've been at some of those charity events where like Jennifer Capriati, Andre Agassi, Pete Sampras have been. He is known in the circuit for being a cheapskate. Sampras? Yeah. Really? Yeah, that's why Andre said it. Dude, everybody knows it. I didn't get personal. Everybody knows it already. Why do you have to be cheap when you have so much money? I know. Share the wealth. I make no money and I'm generous. I'm telling you. 570-1949. Or you can text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. Have you ever called somebody on mistake? Have you ever called somebody on mistake? Like the cell phone is in your pocket, you accidentally call somebody and they listen to your conversation. Pocket dial. Pocket dial. Or have you ever had somebody accidentally call you and you hear their conversation? 570-1949. 949mikey at gmail.com.
Makes me want to skip. Yes. It's pretty happy, isn't it? 570-1949-949-mikey at gmail.com. Pocket dial. What have you ever done? And people heard it and you were just like, oh no. I've got a crazy one. What do you got, Jay? My buddy, who's like this big tough guy, he pocket dials me. And you can hear his mother in the background and she's like, Jimmy, why are we going to eat here? And then she goes on to say that he should be married, that he should quit whoring around with all the girls.
Wow. If I could have recorded it, it was gold. Afterwards, I hung up finally. I kept calling back and calling back. I think he realized it by looking at his phone. He's like, I am not going to talk to this guy. When you pocket dial somebody, like, Woodsy, if you pocket dial somebody and you see on your phone that you called someone, do you then call and explain or pretend that it didn't happen? Pretend. I did it the other day to my former... Chief distribution officer at my last company. Yeah. Yeah. Pocket dialed him for three minutes. And pretended it didn't happen. Just never. He never called me back. Didn't text me. I didn't call him back. Didn't text him. Lauren, what's your tactic? Yeah. Just pretend that it didn't happen. You too, Sienna? Yeah. That happened to me. I think I told you guys one night late in a cab. A late night pocket dial. Yeah. With a boss. He's your boss and she heard you all drunk and everything. Yeah. Yeah. We never talked about it. Never spoke of it. No. 570-1949 if you have stories of the worst pocket dial you've ever done or received. And the best is when you do. You find them on your voicemail. The best. It's such a gem. When you wake up in the morning, you're like, did that dude call me at 3 a.m.? Yeah. You're like, oh, this should be exciting. Just hammered or something. I hear, like, I get a lot of...
People I haven't talked to in years and I'll get that three in the morning one and I'm like, wow, maybe they had a baby or something crazy and all you hear is... Imagine if you heard them in the bathroom. That you could never live down. Kerplunk. That you could not live down. You can't live down a kerplunk. You can't. There's no getting over it. Time to change your number. Yeah. My kid had the phone. Yeah. Really? Sure. My dog had the phone. Didn't sound like a kid or a dog, pal. Oh, that would be. Sound like a full-grown adult friend. That would be sick. Filing papers. Massive papers in the bathroom. This girl said that her ex-boyfriend promised her that he wasn't smoking. By the way, significance of the word ex, promised her that he wasn't smoking pot anymore until she heard him tell his friend to pass the pipe. Amazing. Tobacco pipe. Tobacco pipe. Water pipe. Honey, we were smoking a hookah. Yeah. Orange dream. Maybe they were laying down the foundation of a new house. Maybe. Could be. Pass me the pipe. Doing some plumbing. Doing some plumbing. I was installing the sewage. 570-1949, if you have ever done this, or 949mikey at gmail.com. We have to replay the...
Sampras Agassi stuff later. We have to. Because it's so... We should play it. We'll set it up before and we'll just let it roll. So weird. Because it's better when we just let it roll. It is. It's amazing. I like the play-by-play. Do you? I liked it too. I see. It's so tense. We missed some stuff in there, if you can believe that. The little subtleties. Oh, yeah. The little subtleties. Like, oh, right? Oh. Oh. Maybe we do a play-by-play and then we roll it all the way through. Yes. Done. Deal. M1 Wolfgang. Yeah. What'd you do? What'd you do? I dialed the phone and they heard an entire conversation and I was talking about an ex-girlfriend and hell broke loose. Yeah, that's what it's called. Yeah. Did you say anything significant? Nothing I can say on the air. You guys are great. Keep up the great work. Thank you, bro. Thanks, dude. At least she didn't call her. Maybe he did. Maybe he called his girlfriend talking about his ex. He said he got in a lot of trouble. He said all hell broke loose. Probably called his ex. That makes me feel icky. That makes me feel so icky. I am like legendary for locking my phone because I'm so petrified of the butt dial. This guy says, Morning, Mikey. Pocket dialed my work while I was drinking and trying to come up with a story to call in sick the next day. Perfect. Karma. Good job.
I've called, like, the next morning I'll look and I'll be like, did I call Scandinavia? There's 18 numbers. Scandinavia. Yeah, you're like, do I have a really good friend in Norway? International code for Norway. This is good. Yeah, what do I do? M1 John? Yeah. Who accidentally called you? Okay, so long story short, my mother's home phone, my cell phone is on her speed dial. And one night when she was, you know, doing the wild thing with her boyfriend. No, no, no, no. We get it, we get it. Oh, that's weird. Oh, gross. Oh, that way. She accidentally called my phone, and I didn't answer, so I went to voicemail. So I thought it was one of my friends playing a joke on me, and I listened to the voicemail. No, she didn't. And when I looked at my head and realized it was my mother, I was so traumatized. Oh, yeah. That's so gross. Did you ever tell your mom? It was horrible. I couldn't talk to her for like three weeks. Did she say, what's wrong, honey? Yeah, oh, she did all of that. She was like, what's wrong? Is there something wrong? And I was like, what were you doing 20 minutes ago? Oh. So she knows that you know. She knows you know? Oh, yeah. So I basically was like, hey, I know what happened. I just need about a couple, three weeks maybe. I can't talk to you. I need to get over this. Oh. You don't ever get over it. I just cannot. You're still not over it. I just threw up. No, it's so horrible to think about.
Oh. Oh, the thought of that is so filthy. Everybody want to pretend that their parents don't do that? Yeah. Parents don't do that. How about when they like conception, all of us? Exactly. Parents always, like, my mom one time threw in a line about her and my dad. And I was like, ah! Shut it, shut it. I may be older now, but it's never okay. Yeah. I do it to my kids all the time. No, you don't, Jay. You do not. No. Oh, yeah. That's repulsive. Stop it, Jay. So like you guys are having dinner and then you're like, I'm going to go make love to your mother. No, no, no. No, no. Give me an example, Jay. You know, I can't really, I can't think exactly, but the kids always know. It's like, well, we'll say something and we'll take it out of context. And they're like, oh, no, no, do not know. Well, you grab her butt in public. I'm sure you see that. Yeah. Did you know that Sean, but a lot of people probably don't even know this story. Sean Penn, about a week ago. No, about a month ago. Was it really that long ago? Yeah. I thought this story had just come out, but I guess it was about a month ago. Some people may not know this. Sean Penn wishes cancer on the media, right? So this last weekend, he's getting interviewed by a reporter and she gets booted because she asked him about it. This is all about his divorce with Robin Wright. That's why. Oh, they get divorced? Yeah, they're divorcing. So that's why he was wishing cancer. Because he's like.
hey, there are bigger things for us to worry about, and the media focuses on this, and he wishes cancer on them. So a reporter asked him about it, and she gets booted from his little press conference, and we've got the audio. Next. And apparently you'll agree because Audi is growing fast. Hi, I'm Bill Hohen. At Hohen Audi Carlsbad, we know a thing or two about growth as well. We've grown to become the largest Audi dealer in San Diego. It's simply because we value our customers above all else. If you've been even thinking about an Audi, I invite you to visit us at Hohen Audi Carlsbad and see what all the excitement's about.
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banking.com heading on the 805 northbound before the 15 it's an injury accident here down motorcycle there is a man laying on the ground three cars have stopped and ambulance is on the way ocean side the five northbound at the 76 it's a multi-vehicle accident here we've got three cars they're all over on that right shoulder this report brought to you by nissan get quality now get savings now it's a nissan now sales event the best deals ever on their best cars ever the event ends soon get to a nissan dealer now i'm Stacy Cohen, FM 94.9. KBZT San Diego. The Lincoln Financial Media Station. The new home of The Mikey Show. FM 94.9. What is that? I know that. No, because you heard it when you were like seven. Yeah, Michael. Most people like it when I go... He made that a lyric. Yeah, Michael made a lyric. Welcome back. So, Sean Penn. Maybe a lot of hurt, sadness, and fear. Going on inside Sean Penn. I've said before that I think that anger is hurt, sadness, and fear. And I think Sean may have a little bit of those issues. He was upset that people were wanting to know about his on-again, off-again relationship with Robin Wright, who he's never divorced, but they've separated 87 times? About 89, yeah. 87, 89 times. And so I guess the media was asking him about it. He got upset, and he told them that he was doing an interview.
This is before the Oscars. Before the Oscars. He's doing an interview and said that he wished cancer on them. To mind their own business. To mind their own business. So he's doing a, and he also thought that there were bigger fish to fry. Right, right. Which is an argument that I've never understood. I've never understood the bigger fish to fry argument. The reason is, is because it doesn't matter what we're talking about. There's always bigger fish to fry, regardless of the topic. Any topic you bring up, you could say, okay, that's great. But you know what? There's also starving children here. Okay, if you're talking about starving children here, you can go, oh, but there's also apartheid and genocide going on right now here. Let's talk about Darfur. Well, why are we talking about Darfur if there's people in Haiti right now that haven't been rescued? There's always something else. Never thought of it that way. It's the truth. Anyway, so Sean Penn is doing an event for Haiti, okay?
Reporter decides to ask. These are salacious comments, Sean. I mean, they're big comments. We want to know. What about these comments? Here's what happened. Hi, Mr. Penn. I'm with Washington Examiner. And I have a question. How have you seen your critics change since you mentioned that they should die of rectal cancer? Excuse me. Uh-oh. We're here talking about the Haitian benefit. It's related to the Haitian benefit. Excuse me. I don't think discussion. Hey, and by the way, the rocks on that girl. I got to give her credit for going. It's about the Haitian benefit, which, by the way, in context, it is. Yeah. The reason that he made the comments was because he felt people should be focusing on things like the Haitian benefit. So the rocks on her. I love it for having the rocks to say, you know what? It is about that. It's related to the Haitian benefit. Excuse me. I don't think discussion of critics has anything to do with the people. I don't know, Sean. I don't know. I think the discussion of critics does have a little bit to do with the Haitian benefit. I think it's kind of relevant. She sounds hot, too. She totally does. Really? Oh, yeah. She said she was from the Russian Examiner? Washington. Oh, the Washington Examiner. He was paying close attention to her words. Listen, I've heard it a few times. I'm from the Russian Examiner. That's what I thought. I'm like, man, you sound like you're from Washington, which is strange.
You're for the Russian examiner, but you sure sound like you're from D.C. Answer me. Yeah, answer. Can you answer the question about the comments you made? It's related to the Haitian benefit. Excuse me. I don't think discussion of critics has anything to do with the people there. I would like to be... $50 says that his hair is all messed up. He's smoking. He has a cigarette, a Marlboro dangling out of the corner of his mouth. Coffee. Yeah, a big cup of coffee in his styrofoam cup of coffee. With whiskey in it. With whiskey in it. Bobby has a hat on. A hat? I love him. Wayfarers? Yeah. Okay, but there have been credit. People have, you know, have... No, I think that you're investing in a culture that I'm not interested in. Excuse me, ma'am. I think that you're investing in a culture that I'm not interested in. Paparazzi culture. Isn't she asking about Haiti? I think she's talking about, like, she's going to write something like a gossip type of thing. That's what he's saying. That's what he's saying? Okay. So say that. Okay, but here's the deal. I think that, like, the inroads that you're taking don't make me electrified. You're weaving a web of tangled lies. It's very illicit, what you're doing. How is that proprietary to you?
Sounds like Michael Cera in Youth and Rebels. It does. It does. It really does. So what are you doing after this interview? Yeah, yeah. I'm surprised. I like what he said, though. I do, too. I love Sean Penn, though. Yeah. I don't like Sean Penn. That's weird that you don't like Sean Penn. Weird, weird, weird. He's a tool. Yeah. Good actor. You ever see Mystic River? Great actor. Great movie. You ever see Fast Times at Ridgemont? Great. Doesn't mean you can't be a tool. He's playing different people. I am Sam. I like Spicoli. I'm not so much a Sean Penn fan. I like Mystic River. I'm not so much a Sean Penn fan. Dude. The guy sticks to his convictions. He sticks to them so much he's afraid and avoiding them. No. He's avoiding his convictions. That's how much he's into those convictions. She asked him about it. I don't think that's relevant to the culture. Okay. Well, maybe he wanted to keep the focus on Haiti and not on himself. It is about Haiti. His comments, I think, were about Haiti. Yeah, but I'm saying maybe he didn't want to. He wanted to make sure that he was keeping the focus only on them and not on his personal comments. Which may be true.
Except he didn't say that. Yeah. I like Sean Penn, man. Hey, look, it's Dave Matthews. Dave Matthews, what are you doing here, man? I buy weed from him, man. Wait a minute. I don't know that that's necessarily true. I buy weed from him. We buy weed together. We're on the radio, Dave, just so you know. He's all dressed up, Dave. I know. Dave, look at you. And you're wearing a... It's kind of weird, though. He's wearing a tuxedo made of hemp, but the right leg is missing. I smoked it. Didn't really get me high either, man. I smoked it. They said it was made of... Woody Harrelson said it's made of hemp. Yeah. So I smoked it. You smoked the right leg of your tuxedo. Why are you wearing a one-legged tuxedo made of hemp anyway? Well, did you guys know I was supposed to play the Oscars, and I thought it was this past week, and it was two weeks ago. It was two weeks ago, which I tell you. So needless to say, I look like a big jackass. Yeah. Why did you do that, Dave? Why did you not... First of all, so you're telling me. Mikey, I've been high for 15 years now. That's irrelevant. It's not necessarily part of the conversation. My question to you is that you ended up going to the Oscars this last weekend? Yesterday. Two days ago. I just got back. That would be yesterday. It wasn't two days ago. It was yesterday that you tried to go. Yesterday was Sunday, Dave.
Daylight Savings. Daylight Savings got you. That's the deal with that. That really messed you up. I feel like a big, dumb idiot. Yeah, well, here's the deal, Dave. I feel bad for you because I know that you had prepared. You were going to sing at the Oscars, right? Yeah. I wrote a song for Meryl Streep. And you didn't even get to play it. He came in last week so excited that he was going to actually get to perform at the Oscars. I'll be trying to tell you, Dave. I showed up. I showed up at the theater yesterday, and I saw Gary Coleman was hanging around down there, and I saw Heidi Montag and Spencer. They were on the corner waiting. They're waiting for paparazzi to take pictures of them. That girl plays McSteamy, right? No. No. Sorry. I think that's Dane something. Yeah, McSteamy's a man. Eric Dane. Eric Dane. He plays McDreamy. on Grey's Anatomy, right? No, that's McSteamy. McDreamy is Patrick Dempsey. Sorry. I always get them confused. They call me McSmokey because I'm always smoking weed. You smell McSmokey right now. That's right. Why don't you play the song for us that you planned on playing for Meryl? Oh, it's gorgeous already, Dave Matthews. That's beautiful already. I love you, Meryl. Oh, wow. That's beautiful. I love your face. Yep. Pulling down. Don't hide from me.
Little Meryl. Oh, that's beautiful. You remind me of cocaine. What? And I want to be pokey. No, no, no. No, Dave, Dave, Dave. Dave, Dave. Dave, Dave Matthews. Dave. Dave. Yeah. Remember, I've asked you not to do that when you do that with the songs. It started out so nice. Yeah. Maybe Dave should go and make those pants into shorts because one leg is missing. I think I'm going to make them into cargo shorts. Don't do it, Dave. Don't do it, Dave. Thank you for stopping by. My pleasure, man. I'm going to go back to sleep. You're a good guy. It's Dave Matthews. There's a lot of things happening right now in the world. Imagine if he really sang that at the Oscars. No, what if he was going to? Thank goodness he was a week late. That's right. Are the 10 funniest women in prime time? Oh, yes. Any guesses? Yeah. Lauren O'Brien. If she's not on there, it's a cheat. Well, the thing is, I'm not in prime time. Had they done morning, clearly. You're in morning drive. Yeah. That's right. But I bet Ellen DeGeneres is on there. Number one. Not on the list. Shut it. Is she considered prime time, though? She's considered daytime. Well, she's on American Idol now. Oh, that's right. No, I think this is like actresses. Oh, actresses. Yeah. Funny actresses? Courtney Cox. Courtney Cox. Yes.
Really? Whatever the girl is from Modern Family. She's in Cougar Town. She's on the list? Yeah, the girl from Modern Family, Julie Bowen. Let me see her. Is it the hot one? Yeah. Oh, she's so funny and so hot. Yeah. I don't know anything. Julia Louis-Dreyfus. She's funny? Julia Louis-Dreyfus, yes. From Seinfeld, yes. No, she's got her own show. Really wonderful show. Brand new show on NBC is Seinfeld. She's got her own show. Is that called the magical mystery of Christine's? Something Christine, yeah. The new adventures of old Christine. The new mysteries of the old girl named Christine. Yeah. Have you ever seen It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia? Caitlin Olsen. Someone from Glee has got to be on there. Oh, the one chick from Glee, the older girl with the short hair. Her name is Jane Lynch. She's hilarious. She is. She's on the list. She's hilarious. I don't know one of these people. She's in like A Mighty Wind and Waiting for Guffman. Oh, I love that girl. Yeah, she's great. She's like probably what? She's genius. Older blonde lady. She's in all those Guffman. 40-year-old virgin she's in. Funny. Who else? She is absolutely hilarious. Courtney Cox, like I said, Sarah Silverman. The Sarah Silverman program. She's funny. What's she on? The Sarah Silverman program. That guy's dead. Okay.
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live. Genius. How did we not say her? She's brilliant. Ellen's wifey, Portia de Rossi. She's on Better Off Ted. I heard she's funny on that show. Arrested Development. Oh, yeah. So hot. I watched an episode of Better Off Ted. I didn't get it. I probably wouldn't get it. It's one of my favorite movies ever. Ellen is stoked. She's a pretty girl. Portia de Rossi. Yeah. Right? I thought it was Portia. Like, you know, like you're going to make beans in Portias. Portia. No, I thought it was Bordeaux. Yeah. Borsha. Borsha de Rossi. Yeah. Except her real name is like Kate Walsh. Do you know that means Borsha of Rossi? Yes, it does. Does she know that? Yeah, it does. Interesting. Jane Krowowski, 31. Never heard of her in my life. Oh, what about Jenna Fisher? Is she on there? No, no. Oh, that doesn't make any sense. There's only one more, and it is the number one spot. Gotta be someone from The Office. You guys, I can't believe you haven't guessed this chick.
No guesses? None. Tina Fey. Tina Fey. I was going to say Paula Abdul. Paula Abdul. Of course, Tina Fey. I watch everything on Hulu. Have you not seen her do her Sarah Palin? No, but that's SNL. This is on $30. That's right. Congratulations. 570-1949 is our number. You want to text us, you can. 949mikey at gmail.com. Did you hear about the guy from Berlin that got arrested for trying to be romantic? Yeah. That's great, Mikey. Yes. I was trying to be romantic and it did not work. What were you trying to do? I was trying to give flowers to my lover. Yeah? And it didn't work? It did not work. Why would it not work? They arrested me, Michael. Why would they arrest you for giving me flowers to you? Because I'm romantic. I'm a romantic German. Yeah? Yes. What happened, Sienna? Well, there was a German man going to visit his girlfriend. Great. And he decided to be...
Dr. Love and climb up to her second story apartment on the side of the wall. I was playing like Romeo and Juliet. Exactly. Exactly. He was climbing up and carrying flowers and a bottle of wine. Sounds pretty nice. I was taking a nice German Riesling up the stairs. You were? Up the balcony. Well, the woman who was lying in bed. Here is someone trying to get up her balcony. I was jimmying the window. Yeah, well. I had a crowbar in my pocket. Yeah, see, that's part of the problem is apparently now it's to the point where you can't even take a crowbar to your girlfriend's room. Or a Riesling. I'm in the studio right now. You can't even do that. No. Without getting arrested for doing something wrong. It's a scary world out there. So this girl panicked, called 911. Someone's trying to climb up my balcony. Oh, yeah. Snacking in my window. This is not acceptable. 911 gets there immediately. Cops outside. They see the guy. He jumps down from the balcony. I broke my bottle of Riesling. And holding flowers and wine in hand, starts running. Cops tackle him, catch him. The bottle did not break yet. Take your hands off me.
Gestapo. Yeah. I'm trying to be romantic and make love to my girl. He tried to say, it's my girlfriend's house. I'm visiting my girlfriend. They load him in the back of the car. Why'd you run? What's the point of running? You didn't do anything wrong. Michael, I had a vorant. Yeah. I had several vorants out. So he ended up giving the flowers and the wine to the cops. He did? Yes. Yeah, take my Riesling and my tulips. He said it was a gesture of thanks for the friendly treatment after the arrest. Amazing. Because they let him go, obviously. It was his girlfriend's house. That's really sweet. So they have been studying, and when I say they, I mean scientists, have been studying this replica of a big old skull, right? Mm-hmm. A skull from like 28,000 years ago. Yeah. And they're finding out some things that are kind of surprising. Like what, Sienna? Well, this French team of scientists, they claim they've just produced one of the best replicas of an early modern human's cranium. And their brain is 20% bigger than ours is today.
It means we're not evolving, we're devolving. Maybe they're just replicating it wrong. They said it suggests that our brains are becoming more efficient like shrinking computers. I don't believe that. In fact, to prove it, I'd like to ask Sienna from her recap email what movies she ordered on demand. I'm going to prove right now that we are not devolving, we're evolving. What movies did you see, Sienna? Couples Retreat. With Vince Vaughn. It was not very good. Nope. Yeah. And I watched Precious. Oh, you did? Yep. Really? Did you cry a bunch of times? I didn't cry once. Really? You know... I thought you were supposed to cry. You are. Like, if you don't cry, you're supposed to get arrested. And I know. I was waiting for the cops to come in. No. Arrested like me, Michael. That's right. No. I watched it, and I just... I don't know. It's sad, but it's almost too sad that you can't even enjoy it because it's so messed up. What else? Is that it? I will never see that movie. Not one either. I watched those two on Saturday. And then just some other ones that were on TV. Solo or with the hubby? I watched Nine Months by myself. He was out working in the yard. Oh, by the way, she killed the hubby with dinner because she's still trying out the healthy Jay Lauren stuff. So would you make the hub for dinner?
Turkey sausage. I love turkey sausage. We love that like spicy Italian sausage. I'll put it in pasta or whatever. I'll just make it by itself. So I was like, well, let's try the turkey kind. It's better for you. Can't be that bad. Sienna said she's never seen him eat less. Yeah, it tastes like dirt. I cooked it in the skillet and they burst open. They exploded. You're supposed to pop a hole in them with a knife. But I've never needed to do that with the regular sausage. Puncture them. Sausage chunks, turkey sausage chunks everywhere in your kitchen. No, it didn't. It just like split open. Yeah. And guts came out. Gross. We'll have to talk brands later. Of turkey sausage? Jay makes his own. Got it down to a science. It reminds me of, speaking of the exploding stuff, it reminds me, Rebecca and I went to Mexico one time and they had the most incredible salsa at this place we were staying. So I begged the guy, please, please, please. Can I buy some of the salsa? He says, it's not for sale, okay? I'm like, oh, man, I was so bummed, right? And I would ask him about it every day. I let him know how much I loved it. So finally on the last day, he came with a big, giant, tall, empty water bottle full of it. In a water bottle. The big, tall water bottles, okay? He had emptied out a water bottle, put the salsa in there for me because he knew that I loved it so much, and he gave it to me. And so I put it in my suitcase. We came home.
I don't even want to know where this is going. Oh, no. And upon getting home, took it out in the kitchen and popped the cap. And because it had been pressurized. Oh, no. What happened? Some of the seeds and the stuff inside expanded. It exploded. Or did it? Yeah, I know, right? Or did it explode? Why was that on video? I'm telling you. Through the roof. It looked like Tommy from Goodfellas had gotten whacked in the kitchen. Mikey's licking it off the wall. Just reeked of salsa. How did that smell? Never got it out of there. It exploded like salsa brains all over every place. That's foul. You can't put salsa in. and pressurize it. A two liter. You can't do it. It's very, very bad. Don't try it at home. 570-1949-949-mikey at gmail.com if you want to text us. Woodsy, do we have the audio of you and the song that you recorded? Yes. We do? So listen to this. So Woodsy over the weekend goes to see a friend of his in Los Angeles whom when Woodsy was a kid was in a band. The name of the band? Gypsy Rose.
Gypsy Rose. So embarrassing. How do I know Gypsy Rose? It was a song by an 80s metal band called Cinderella. They had a song called Gypsy Rose. No, they had a song called Gypsy Road. Oh, Gypsy Road? We switched it up a little bit. Oh, Guns N' Roses and Gypsy Road. And you put the two together, you got Gypsy Road. I'm crawling under the desk right now, by the way, because I'm mortified. Now, so. You met up with this buddy. My buddy, Jason Rhodes. Yes. Where is the song? Do we have it? Did you send it? I emailed it to you, my friend. Oh, you emailed it to me. Okay, cool. And so what we wanted to do is, I haven't gotten to see Rhodes a lot, and he plays in a band in L.A. They're going to Austin this weekend to play South by Southwest. It's a very big deal. So I went up to see their warm-up show, and we go in his little studio, and we get out the old Gibson Les Paul that he played when we were in eighth grade. And I get the acoustic and we just start playing. We're like, we got to do a song like we did in eighth grade. And you recorded it. Yeah. And so we used to do like Poison covers and, you know, ACDC covers and Bad Company, things like that. So I said, dude, you know which one we got to do? We got to do Knocking on Heaven's Door by GNR. And of course, we just called it Knocking. Wasn't it by Bob Dylan first? Yes. This is us recorded.
This is in eighth grade? No, this is this weekend. This is us. This is this weekend. But we did it in the eighth grade stylings. Wait, is this a studio? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. What are you singing? Yeah, I'm singing. That's me on electric. Wow. Nice. It's so bad in this, too. I sound terrible. Yeah, sure. Dude, that's you, Lindsay? Oh, my gosh. I feel proud right now. Really? Dude, you are a talented kid. Wait till you hear this kid play. Hold on. Let it roll a little bit. I can't see. Is that Axl? I was doing that. I love this. Let it roll. I want to get to one part where you can hear him shred. He's like slash good. Really? Yes. What's he?
Can we let M1s download this? Absolutely. We'll put it on the website. Yeah. I love it. Do you like it? I love it. Oh, it sounds cool. Well, let them download it. You don't have to play the whole thing, but it's funny because at the end, we run out of track. And so we left it very bare bones like it was. And you can hear me go, oh, dude, we just ran out of track. That's great. What do you mean by that? Because you lay down all the guitars first, and then we just didn't lay down enough guitars. The length flies. What about the drums? Where'd you get those fills from? We got all kinds of good stuff going on. Wow. Yeah, I'll let them download it. It was pretty solid. I don't know if you guys heard about this. Kind of big in the news. But apparently, an Apple Store employee was accusing one of the stars of Law & Order of choking them. Yeah. And I got the audio of him responding to it. We'll give you the whole story and how it's turned out. Were they dating? They were not dating. And it is taking a weird twist. Speaking of weird, how's the relationship between the TomTom girl and the movie phone guy coming along? TomTom girl, can we ask you about that? Absolutely, Mikey. I'd like to get some coordinates to find out what's going on. We'll do all of it next. On FM 94.9.
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Well, we got stuff going on. This report brought to you by Nissan. Get quality now. Get savings now. It's a Nissan Now sales event. Best deals ever on their best cars ever. Event ends soon. Get to a Nissan dealer now. On the 52 westbound before the 5 in accident here, this is a car spun out in the number 2 lane. He probably hit another car. One of the cars is on the right shoulder, possibly some injuries and ambulances responding. Also, the 52 eastbound at the 15. Be careful. There's a trailer hitch in the number one lane. Bunch of stuff. Also, the El Cajon area, Boulevard, El Cajon Boulevard. Eastbound ramp to the 8 coming out of La Mesa. We've got a shovel in the middle of lanes here. And Genesee Avenue ramp to the 52, a metal object. In the road, unidentified metal object. Be careful. Probably will wreck your tires or the bottom of your car. This report brought to you by Wawanisa Insurance. Wawanisa Insurance, better service, lower rates, and dependable coverage. For your auto home or your condo, call 877-WAWA-NESA. You can always go to wawanisaus.com. Rate shopping, it can pay off. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report.
What's happening? This is Bird from Dragon Eyewear with FM 94.9 Authentic Support for a Monday morning brought to you by Guayaki Ibramate. Pretty small and weak out there as a swell combination out of the west-northwest and a little bit of southwest phase out. Looking about primarily at waves in that waist, the chest-high zone. A few shoulder-high plus waves at the standout spots. But again, a little bit more infrequent than it has been. Partly cloudy skies, no winds right now, so it's fairly clean surface texture-wise. but kind of weak and soft and backing out badly with that higher tide. Better day to go to work on time or school. For up-to-the-minute surf reports, forecasts, go to surfline.com for everything you need in order to go surf. Check out one of the South Coast Surf Shops or go online at southcoast.com. This surf report is brought to you by Guayaki Ibramate, best on the land, and it can only be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Back to the Mikey Show on FM 94.9. Floor 13. Blame it on me. My name's Mike. Hi, Mike. Hello. And my friends here are Steve Woods, Lauren O'Brien, Sienna Farrar. Weird, weird. Sienna Richards. And Jay Isbo. Welcome back. So, this is interesting. Apple Store, right? New York City. Mapple or Apple? It's not Mapple. And I can see how people might get confused, but no, it was not Mapple.
As you know, Mapple is a product put out by Mikey Products. And this was the actual Apple store. And does everyone know, well, I'm going to say everyone over the age of 35, who Richard Belzer is? Scarface. Yeah. Well, he has an issue. Or did when he was in probably high school. Richard Belzer, he's on the show Law & Order, right? Yeah. Now, tell the story of what this person was saying about him. Well, he went into this Apple store. It was the West 67th Street Apple store. And this woman, an employee, 21 years old, her name is Milan Agnew, called the police to file a complaint and said that Belzer grabbed her shoulders, shook her and choked her before barking, I need help. Now, I have a couple of observations. My first observation, which I guess is normal, I just don't think of big time movie stars just walking into Apple stores.
But I guess they do. I mean, he's a pretty big star, Richard Belzer. Yeah. And he's a normal person. He's just like everybody else. You ever been to an Apple store? Yeah. You ever see the line in the Apple store? Yeah. That's the thing. It's like, I'm just a normal cat. I go to the Apple store. But I would think that celebrities would have an assistant go to the Apple store for him and fix their computer. I don't know who Richard Belzer is. Really? Really? I didn't either. Belz. Very, very... When we hang, we call them the bells. Yeah, the bells. Well, he and... It does say that two aides went with him to buy a computer. Very famous comic, Richard Belzer. But he went from the world of stand-up comedy into the world of acting. And so now, he does what he does. 65 years old. Here's his explanation about what actually happened. We'll tell you how it all turned out. I was standing by the Genius Bar, and then... It's just funny already. An employee from the store came over with a clipboard and said, can I help you? And I'll show you what I did. Can I get up here? And so this is literally what I did, and it's on tape at the store. So I said, yeah, I need somebody to help me. And she said, I know who you are, sir. Don't touch me. So you touched her body. Just the way I just did you. And about 10 minutes later. Now, I'll say this. Maybe he didn't choke her.
But I don't put my hands on anybody. Not a stranger? No. I do. Well, in a nice way. I mean, I don't know what he did because he just told her demonstrated. I'm sure he grabbed her shoulder and was like, so I just, you know, had a question. Do you touch anybody, though, Sienna, when you're angry? I mean, you touch people out of sweetness all the time. Yeah. But, I mean, when you're angry and you touch people, it's kind of different, right? I guess, no, you don't want to touch anyone when you're angry. Especially a stranger, man? Yeah. Like, you know, if Woodsy and I were in a heated argument and he was like, hang on, pal, and he touched my arm, it wouldn't freak me out. Right. Because we know each other. We know each other. It wouldn't freak me out. You wouldn't pull your arm back and go, dude. What's up, dude? Yeah. You just got personal. Yeah. But it is weird. Yeah, it's still weird. It's still weird. I was upstairs at the store and about five or six of New York's finest came in. And they were a little. Kind of embarrassed that they had to be there. I mean, there's real crime going on in the city. And somebody calls up and says they're being attacked in a store. They had to show up. So they. How does he know they were embarrassed? Who? He said they were a little embarrassed to be there. The cops? Because they probably like played to him like, oh, Mr. Belzer, we're sorry. Because he's a celebrity. We're so sorry. Okay. He plays a cop on TV. Yeah. You know.
Every time you go to the Apple store, I don't know if you've ever been, but every time I've ever gone, it's packed in there. I want to choke somebody out in there. You think that he's going to just start choking someone and no one's going to do anything? Hey, it's a great point. They have cameras in there? They do. Of course. And they watched it. Security tape and they said, Mr. Bells or Richard, whatever. You know, your version of the story is obviously correct and we're sorry about it. This girl clearly had some kind of agenda. Well, and Sienna, that's a great point. I think there might have been some witnesses. And not to mention, it says that he came into the store with two aides. You know, I'm sure they were like his publicist or whatever. They could back him up. Yeah, and you think they're just going to sit there? No, he brought two aides in, she said. Dude, that's a whole other story. It's a different thing. Well, the employee does not want to take this lying down, so she filed a harassment complaint with the NYPD, which she can pursue in civil court. Oh, God. Of course. So annoying. It's like the surveillance video shows he didn't do these things. A little bit later on, we're going to be telling you about the crack dealer that was really upset because somebody paid him in Monopoly money. And so we'll take a gander at what that 911 call might have sounded like. And we'll do it in a little bit. In the meantime, Tom Tom Girl, I'm really wanting to catch up with your story with the movie phone guy.
are obviously very interested in him. Correct, Mikey. You've been dating now for three weeks. Correct. Again. I've never seen you so happy. You seem to shine and beam. That's my buttons, Mikey. They're flashing red and green. Yeah. And the movie phone guy seems to be into you too, so much so that he's having his vasectomy reversed. He already did. What a sweet thing to do. You don't do that unless you're really serious about a woman. Yeah. And so he apparently feels enough, you know, strongly enough about you that he's done this. He's had it removed, Mikey. Reverse. Snip. Snip. Yeah, he hasn't had it removed. I would say he's had it reversed. Yeah. If he had it removed, it'd be really, really weird to tell Tom Girl. It'd be hard to get pregnant. Tom Tom Girl doesn't understand how the anatomy of a human being works because she's just a device. Yeah, it'd be hard. She's simply a piece of machinery.
Nothing personal. If you ever have any questions, I can explain. Yeah, for sure. Thank you, Sienna. Yeah, no problem. Well, I have an idea. Let's call him. Let's get him on the phone and see what's going on with the movie phone guy and you. We're calling the movie phone guy. Hello and welcome to movie phone. Calm down, movie phone guy. It's Mikey. Good morning, Mikey. How are you? I am well. The reason we're calling is to check in with you and TomTomGirl and see how you two lovebirds are doing. Well, things have been better, Mikey. Uh-oh. I saw her in another man's car this weekend. TomTomGirl, is it true that you're in another man's car? This is correct, Mikey. Wow, you're not even denying it. I feel I have nothing to apologize for, Mikey. Wait a second. I feel like I got stabbed in the horn. TomTomGirl.
What do you mean you don't think you have anything to apologize for? This poor man, this poor movie phone man, this poor guy, this poor movie phone guy, has poured his heart out to you, had his vasectomy reversed, and you're just hussying around in other people's cars? Hold up a second, Mikey. No problem. I'm not hussying around. What happened? There are other gentlemen courting me in this process as well. All right. Nice to know. Such as? Garmin, Magellan, and various other navigation devices. Really? So, if I understand you correctly, you're clearly trying to send a message to the movie phone guy, and that message is... If you like it, then you better put a ring on it. Isn't that what Beyonce says? That's correct. Excuse me. Excuse me, movie phone guy. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. You first. Did you just say, if you'd like it, then you'd better put a ring on it? That's correct, Mikey. This is a song I have now heard in Woods' car. Oh, my singletas. Oh, my singletas. I have exactly how it goes, Sienna. I have heard Woods' car. I don't know.
I don't know. He plays it on repeat after Justin Timberlake. Nickelback. Is that true? Now everybody knows. Movie phone guy, just... Yeah, movie phone guy. Why do you care? Yeah, why are you so freaked out about Woods and what Woods listens to? Is that what the deal is? Oh, oh, oh, yeah. I hope you're listening, movie phone guy. Mikey, clearly I'm dating the village bicycle. Everybody gets a ride. Oh, wow. That's not quite fair. The village bicycle. You tell Mr. Garmin I will meet him outside. And tell Magellan he's a Spanish idiot.
Movie film guy, did you hear what she said, though? That's not exactly PC, my darling. She said, if you... Yes, my darling. She said, if you like it, then you better put a ring on it. How do you feel about that? We've been on three dates. But you reversed a little something-something for her. Yeah, you did that on the second date, you pervert. What are you talking about? I was trying to close the deal. Well, I really hope you guys get this cleared up, because, uh... I think you would like one another. Stop hanging around with other devices, TomTom girl. It's not fair. Mikey. What? I'm just trying to get ahead. I'm just trying to do what is supposed to happen. You're letting your emotions run away with you. You're acting like a typical woman in this situation. You need to get a hold of your emotions. If Sienna can get married, why can't I? Because you're a, first of all, because you're a device, okay? Second of all, because you've only gone on three dates with him. And third of all, because she's a 24-year-old woman, okay? Device. You're a device right now. Right now, you're a device. You've only been activated for about too much. Thank you. She's playing games. You're playing games with his heart. I'm weeping. He's weeping. You're what? I'm weeping. You called her the village bicycle. Tell her you're sorry. I'm sorry. Apology accepted. Oh, that's sweet. I'll call you later. You both talked at the same time, Mr. Movie Phone Guy. I will call you later.
We'll call you later. Thank you. Wow, you sound so irritated about the whole thing. He's never once called us, Mikey. Never. We always call him. He's never going to call. Every time. I was going to give him some options, but I guess that's out of the picture. Why don't you tell us what the options were and we'll relay them to him. I was going to say for date number four, press one. Let's say I did. Let's say I pressed one. Do you know what date number four would be? I'm still waiting on that pample moose. Dinner, Mikey. Do you know how weird it would look, Tom Tom Girl, not to freak you out, but do you know how weird it would look if he just walks into a restaurant with a device and sticks it across from him? Pamplemousse, located 28 miles. That's not what I asked you. If you're weird, start with that. If you and Rebecca can enjoy delicious truffle fries, why can't I? Because you're a machine. How do you eat them? You can't eat them, Tom Tom Girl. You're just a little device. I can look at them, Mikey. You're getting huffy. I can hear it in your voice. You're getting weird. They both are. You're getting weird. It's getting weird in here. They both were. I'm sitting here looking at your buttons right now, and I'm thinking to myself, you just need to calm them down. First of all, you shouldn't be looking at my buttons, Mikey. You're a married man. I wasn't. Sounds like everybody else is looking at her buttons, too. I wasn't looking at them like that. She's making it seem like it's something that isn't. I didn't look at them in that way. I'm getting roasted again like woods. I'm not roasting you. I'm just saying you're.
Getting all huffy, man. Fine. 570-1949. Or you can text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm telling you, man. That Jay and that Lauren, these two are outdoors people. Both surfed this weekend. Of course. Jay said that he went surfing twice, and on Sunday, he got bounced off of the bottom of the ocean so hard that he came up and is, His suit was all full of sand and everything. It was packed. Yeah. That didn't happen to me while I was in my boxer shorts on the internet this weekend. That didn't happen. If sand gets in your bathing suit, it falls right out. Do you know how awful it is when girls get sand in their bathing suit? I never thought of that. It looks like we have junk. Yeah.
There's a pocket in the bottoms of our bathing suit, and you have to scoop in the pocket to get it out. What's a pocket for, like chapstick? Yeah, exactly. It's not for chapstick. It's an extra leg. No, it's not. It's not like a pant pocket. It's a little pocket inside the crotch area. Gross, dude. What? For real? I think it's just a double up so that the toes don't. So, yeah. It's extra protection. Hang on a second. I'm going to get into a DeLorean. Yeah. And I'm going to try to go back in time three or four minutes and just try to pretend I didn't hear. Here I go. Bye-bye. Back in time. Didn't hear that. Didn't hear that. Lauren weirded me out. Lauren weirded me out. Mom, Lauren weirded me out. You're being inappropriate. I know. They're called toes, she said. I know. She said it again. I just said that I got the DeLorean up to 88 to go back in time so I wouldn't have to hear it. I was trying to be polite. Did she say toes? Yes, Dave Matthews. Don't say it again. You're being inappropriate. Of course you are. You know what I mean?
The whole thing is just bizarre. Being a little girl, you don't know how to scoop the sand out of it. What's the matter with you people? I was joking. Don't you know a joke when you hear one? I don't care. It's weird. Mikey, you're lucky you have three boys. No doubt. Is that another double entendre? You have three boys, Mikey? I have two just like the rest of us. Like every man. I think she meant children. You have children. Oh, well, for goodness sake, who even realizes? If you have a daughter, I mean, Jay knows about the pocket. Don't you, Jay? I do. I know about the pocket. No, you don't. I do. And sand gets stuck in the pocket. Question, question, question. I'm going to vomit. Is this a... I don't want to harbor... I don't want to, you know, eliever the point to move on after this question, but... Please. We're talking about wetsuits. No. Well, Jay was talking about a wetsuit. Oh, bikinis? Yeah. Bikinis have a pocket? Any one piece, any girl's bathing suit. Has a pocket? No, don't tell me. I don't want to know. Don't tell me. It's an extra lining. It's an extra lining inside. I am a crew and I don't want to know. I don't want to know. One side is sewn shut and the other side is open.
Oh, grow up. Oh, you grow up. It's like any woman's underwear has an extra line. Stop it. Shut up. Yeah, that thing freaks me out. What thing? You know what thing I'm talking about? The lining? Like in pantyhose and stuff. Oh, my God. You need to get over it. I'm going to tell you something, ladies, that you need to know about every man. You need to know this about every man. Every man is just a grown-up little boy. Yep. Okay? And so when you say stuff like that, we become seven years old. We go... Question. Translation. Don't tell me. Haven't you guys ever washed your wife's underwear? No. Stop. You haven't? Never. Never. You've never seen the lining? I've seen the freaking lining. I don't want to see it. I don't want to know one more. I don't want to know about it. I want that mouth. You guys, it's a part of life. No, it is not. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Childbirth is a part of life. I love that, guys. And I don't need to know everything about that either. I don't want to know about that either. Don't need to. I'll be in the waiting room smoking cigars. Thank you. You can't smoke in a hospital. I'll be outside. Clearly. I hope.
that you would be in the room? Would you be in the room? Zero percent. Zero percent? Oh, my goodness. You're out of your mind. All right. Grow up, Peter Pan. Caveat. I would be at the head of the bed holding my wife's hand. That's fine. I would not be down where the train wreck happens. Train wreck? Yeah, train wreck. Where your child is being born? Train wreck. It's not a train wreck. It's a miracle. It's a train wreck. It's crazy is what it is. I'm sure. And I have a weak stomach, dude. If the lining and underwear makes me sick, imagine what that'll do to me. You'll never go near the area again. He kind of has a point. Yeah. It's a big point. You were there, Mike. You didn't go down. No, he didn't look. You stayed by Rebecca's face. No, I was there. You looked. Oh, yeah. It was the whole thing. You have to look. You do look. Of course. You got to be there to help. Experience. How many sedatives did you take before you went in? 144. 144. It's just, you know, beautiful and at the same time, you know, sensory overload. You should see a C-section. I'd rather. Okay, so anyway, when we come back. I'm sorry if you're eating your breakfast. On the Mikey Grossout show this morning. I'm so done with it. I'm done with it. I was starving. You're insensitive. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Jay's with us. He understands his daughters. You guys, let me out. Get me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. Hey, Michael. Yep. This was a Gypsy Rose cover as well, my friend. Your little 80s cover band. You guys, I don't know if you've heard about this, but there's a guy in Wichita that paid a crack dealer with Monopoly money. And, of course, crack dealer was upset about it. Yeah. So he called 911. And we'll take a gander at what that call must have sounded like next. Pop it in. Call now. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949. Or text 949-MIKEY at Jeep's. Is the Mikey Show. More coming up on FM 94.9. This is the FM 94.9 Bud Light Concert Calendar. So many good shows coming to town. So little time. All right. Bad Religion. They'll kick off a three-night stand at the House of Blues this Friday night.
All three shows are all ages. Devendra Benhart plays Belly Up March 25th. And Air plays 4th and B March 27th. A few good shows in May just announced. Tuesday, May 4th, The Hold Steady will play in FM 94.9 about the music show at the Belly Up. May 6th, you can see Drive-By Truckers at House of Blues. Ben Folds will play there May 11th. And OK Go and the Shout Out Louds hit House of Blues May 22nd. Sunday, June 6th, Mumford & Sons are playing an FM 94.9 about the music show at the Belly Up. And Kings of Liana bringing their show to Cricket Wireless Friday, July 9th. So there you have it. Get out there and see some show sense. The FM 94.9 Bud Light Concert Calendar can be heard four times daily. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 Bud Light Concert Calendar at FM949SD.com. Are you ready for Ram Truck Month? Ready for a Ram 1500 with a Hemi V8 upgrade at no extra charge with 0% EPR financing? Ready for more power and performance? Really? Ready? Ready to have your neighbors offering to wash it for free, kids climbing in a back bed, dogs that don't even belong to you jumping in to enjoy a more powerful ride. 390 horsepower that gets an EPA estimated 20 highway MPG. Ready for new features like a refined interior, multi-link coil rear suspension, and trailer sway control. So are you ready?
Ready for truck groupies to beg for rides, bigger boats to show up in front of your house, construction workers whistling at your truck. It's all part of Ram Truck Month, home of the Hemi V8 upgrade at no extra charge with 0% financing. So get over to your local Ram truck dealer before March 31st and get ready to be the ND of the truck driving world. Ram. Financing for well-qualified buyers. Not all buyers will qualify. No extra charge. Hemi V8 offer based on factory-to-dealer reimbursement. Dealer contribution may affect final price. Offer ends $331.10. Ram and Hemi are registered trademarks of Chrysler Group, LLC. Do you think blue? Well, you do if your business cares about clean beaches and waterways. FM 94.9 wants to hear what you and your business do to think blue. Are you careful about what goes into storm drains? Do your employees properly dispose of trash, leaves, debris, hazardous materials, and more? Your business could be rewarded for your efforts to think blue. Tell us the creative and environmentally conscious ways your business is preventing storm drain pollution. Do you have pollution prevention programs at work? Does your business volunteer at community cleanups? If your business is chosen, you'll...
win one week of paid advertisements promoting your business. Be creative and enter your Think Blue submission at FM949SD.com. That's FM949SD.com. Get a week's worth of free advertising just for doing the right thing. Think Blue, San Diego, and get rewarded by FM949 for doing so. Submit online today at FM949SD.com. This is an important announcement to the American public who owe more than $10,000 or more in credit. We are taking equally swift and serious action by announcing our 2010 debt recovery plan. If you're a U.S. citizen struggling with $10,000 or more in credit card debt, you now may qualify to have up to half of what you owe to the credit card companies eliminated entirely. For this immediate relief, call 800-724-1344. Again, that's 800-724-1344. Stay tuned for a surprise free giveaway announcement.
predictable when was the last time you surprised someone with something totally unexpected at pro flowers we think predictability is boring surprises are exciting so we're making it easy for you to be unpredictable by offering our best-selling 100 spring blooms for just 1999 plus we're giving away a free glass face with every order these 100 stunning spring blooms are bursting with color imagine the look on their face when 100 beautiful spring flowers arrive from you out of the blue Be unpredictable. Be spontaneous. Sometimes the best reason to send flowers is for no reason at all. But hurry, because this incredible deal ends this Friday. 100 colorful spring blooms with a free glass vase for just $19.99. The only way to get this special offer is to visit proflowers.com. Look for the radio microphone in the upper right corner and enter the secret code 0600. That's secret code 0600. So, how are they going? Oh, we mean your New Year's resolutions. You know, the stubborn 10 pounds doing volunteer work. What if making this year better relied less on sticking to resolutions and more on making good decisions? The Spring for Alexa sales event is the perfect way to start. With compelling deals on select 2010 models, what has always been a rewarding decision is now an easier one. And whether it's the RX, IS, or ES, the joys of driving it will even outlast resolutions.
The Spring for a Lexus sales event. Actual Lexus dealer in Carlsbad, El Cajon, Escondido, or Coney Mesa. Now through March 31st, available 2.9% APR financing on the IS-250 and IS-350 models for up to 60 months. And Lexus will make one month's payment for you. 60 monthly payments of $17.92 per thousand financed. Call 1-800-USA-LEXUS for important APR program limitations and offer details. Not all customers will qualify. No down payment required of qualified offer ends March 31st, 2010. BevMo presents the five-cent sale word, get one more. Yes, technically, that's three words, but when you can buy one bottle of wine and get a second for just five cents, why limit yourself to one word? Or one bottle for that matter? BevMo's five-cent sale is almost over. Hurry in for last-chance deals on wines you'll love, like Chalice Lane Chardonnay, Bridlewood Viognier, and Canoe Ridge Merlot. Club Bev members, buy one bottle, get the second for just five cents. Get one more and save more at BevMo. The following is a test of the emergency alert system. This is only a test. This report is brought to you by Sears Auto Center. Sears Auto Center, R-A-S-E certified. You have three boys, Mikey? Inside and out. Visit SearsAuto.com. Sears, life well spent. West El Norte Parkway at Nutmeg Street, an accident, four car accident, a minivan, two pickup trucks, and a sedan. Looks like they are blocking. I do. I know about the pocket. I do.
Boy, you know, it's sunny outside, but we're having all these multi-vehicle accidents. Kind of crazy this morning. The 94 westbound before the 805, we've just got cones in the number two and three lanes. But the 52 westbound before the five, there is an accident on the right shoulder. We have a car that spun out. It's in the number two lane. It probably hit another car. There are injuries here. Looks like an ambulance is on its way. Fire department's on the scene, and tow trucks are hooking people up. This report brought to you by Pickup Sticks. For a great deal on freshly made-to-order walked meal, check out the Dragon Deals value menu at Pickup Sticks. Six delicious meals, only $4.99 each. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. KBZT San Diego, a Lincoln Financial Media Station. The new home of The Mikey Show, FM 94.9. This is exactly what's happening right now. M1 Nation. What is M1 Nation? It is a coalition here in San Diego that is growing and growing. And if you'd like to become a friend of The Mikey Show, just go to Facebook and type in the search section The Mikey Show. Become a fan. Over 7,000 people on there right now. Honey is a Mikey Show listener. If you belong to M1 Nation, you call in The Mikey Show. Turn your radio down and get to the point.
And don't cuss. Mikey shows myself, our boy Woodsy, Lauren O'Brien, Sienna, and Jay. Woods of Wisdom coming up in just a few minutes. But first, Sienna is going to tell us about the crack dealer in Wichita that is not necessarily the brightest guy in the world. Well, it all happened, like you said, in Wichita during a routine traffic stop during a neighborhood Thursday evening. It was last week. Guy got pulled over. Police looked at him, saw there was blood coming from his head. He had apparently been hit in the head. He asked the guy what happened. The guy doesn't go into much detail, but says that at some point the week before, he had bought some crack from his dealer and paid him in Monopoly money. The dealer didn't notice he was being paid in Monopoly money until a few days later when that dealer called the guy, said, come over. You know, got some new stuff. The guy comes over. When the guy walks in the house, the dealer hits him on the head with his gun. You know, and there were some other people in the house that stopped it from getting any worse. And the guy was able to get away without any serious injuries. But that's when he got pulled over in the routine traffic stop. Hey, Frankie. Yeah. Do you think that works? Dave Matthews?
Do you think that works? Monopoly money? It doesn't work, Dave. No. You don't want to use monopoly money. But imagine if you are a... I could try. No, you shouldn't try. Imagine if you're the crack dealer, you get the monopoly money, you're upset about it, and you decide that you want to call 911. What'd that call sound like? 911, what is your emergency? Who's this? 911, sir. Is it 911? Yes, sir. What is your emergency? I'm calling because... I sold some crack to the fella. And then I figured he was on up and up. And so I did the business. And then I was going through all my transactions, going through my receipts and everything to settle up with the books. And then today, as I was looking at his envelope, realized he gave me Monopoly money. Wow. Okay, sir, what is your location? I'm in Wichita. Wichita? Wichita, Kansas. Who is this again? This is 911, sir. My name is Susan. Hi, Susan. Okay, so you were selling, you said crack? That's right. C-R-A-C-K. Okay. And then if you want to, you can put in parentheses cocaine, C-O-C-A-I-N-E, I think is it.
Okay, sir. And when did you realize that you had received Monopoly money? Well, I was going through the receipts and everything, and everybody else, you know, Mark Johnson's was good. Stephen Belsis was good. Portia's was good. That's just her stage name. Her actual name is Melissa Carnes. Okay, sir. Sir, I'm just concerned with this particular case. Right. So you do have a receipt, you said. Yeah, that's right. I have a receipt because I like to give my customers a receipt for the crack. And then as I was going through, I was like, whoa, what's up with this? This is Monopoly. And the only reason I knew it was Monopoly money is because I went to buy some weed. Okay. And then the dude that was selling me the weed was like, I can't buy this. It's Monopoly money. And I was like, all right, well. Okay. And do you have the location of this weed seller, sir? Oh, yeah. His name's Steve Smith, and I got his phone number here somewhere in my safe that has all my drugs in it.
So I'm going to have to call you back. I'll find all that information soon. Okay. Well, sir, will you be at the location that you're calling from now, sir? Yes, ma'am. Okay. I will send dispatch over there, and we'll get the situation taken care of. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. You're done, folks. Thank you so much. Okay. Thank you. Unbelievable. Oh, wow. That's incredible. She's sorry for the inconvenience, by the way. Is crack money. Yes. I'm very sorry about the inconvenience with your crack money, sir. Isn't Monopoly money different colors? I think it is. If someone handed you pink, small paper. One dollar. I bet it was big ones on the outside and then Monopoly money rolled on the inside. Like a five and then Monopoly money inside. Here you go, dude. I'm out. Just give me my rock. Let me go. You don't want to hang out and smoke? No, dude, I'm going to take you to the house. I don't really like to smoke with people. I like to do it at my practice at my own home. Oh, it's fantastic. Hey, Woodsy. Yes. You got some Woods of Wisdom for us? I do, my friend. I love Woods of Wisdom. Okay, so I'm going to read you some Woods of Wisdom emails that Woodsy's got. Now, if you...
have never uh taken part in woods of wisdom all you got to do is go to mikeyshow.com okay and you're gonna see on mikeyshow.com a little thing there it says woods of wisdom and you can ask woodsy questions that have to do with uh you know guy stuff that's what it is it's guy stuff it's stuff from a guy's perspective and uh woodsy is our guy's guy and so he can answer those questions for you first uh email from m1 squeegee says woodsy at what point in your life did you decide that quote product unquote was okay to use well squeegee i decided that products were good to use when i start probably when i was about 16 and i started to really notice the fairer sex yeah meaning women yeah for those of you that don't know what i'm talking about yeah um i realized that women liked
dudes that were like, I don't know, good looking and they smelled nice and they were well put together. You know, I didn't want to be kind of the disheveled slob. Right. So I started using products and then the more I got into products, it really took off. Yeah. And Mikey can relate. For a completely different reason. When did it snowball into the obsession? Yeah. Because Woods and I, well, we both, we have a lot of stuff. We use a lot of stuff. I think, Lauren, it snowballed when I started shaving. Yeah. And I started reading GQ magazine. Which was around what age? Probably 17. Oh. 16, 17. Wow. I thought he was going to be like 31. Yeah, no. I mean, my dad used to subscribe and so I'd read it when I was younger. And I just like those dudes. Your dad subscribed to GQ. Yeah, I do now. But my dad did then. I would look at these guys in their suits and they just look sharp. And I was like, I want to be one of those dudes. And then you flip to the next page and it says, if you want a great shave, use this. And I'm like, oh, this is dynamite. Sign me up. You find one product that you really like. I remember when the Gillette sensor razors came out with like the three blades. Oh, coolest thing in the world. I had three hairs on my face, but I used a $70 razor. Sure.
And then they came out with the next one, which was the Mach 3. Right. Oh, yeah. And when the Mach 3 came out and they had four blades, we were like, this is space age, man. Now the one I use has five. Fusion. And it vibrates. Yeah. They'll come out with some. With 30. Yeah. 45 blades. What's the point of the vibration on the razor? That's what I don't get. It soothes your skin. Is it to keep your wife happy? Whoa. Do you use the power one? Yeah. I don't use it. I use the power one. Don't understand it. What it does is it shimmies the skin and it loosens the hairs up a little bit. Does it really? Oh, I have no clue. I think that's what it's supposed to do. I think it just makes it look more fancy or something. It feels good on your face, though. It really does. You need to try it. All right. M1 Benjamin. M1 Benjamin. He says, Woodsy, I've been divorced now about six months. All my friends think it's time for me to get back into the dating world. However, since I found out my ex was cheating, I can't seem to get over it. Sure. Am I being too sensitive or what? Well, I'm not going to go so far as to call you sensitive because it's obviously a very traumatic thing. What I will say is this. I agree with your friends 100%. She went somewhere else. It's time for you to realize that you only live once and you should be happy to. It's going to take some time. The first girl is not going to be the right girl. The second girl is probably not going to be the right girl.
But you keep, it's like, you know, it's like when you go to the driving range, you don't hit two balls and leave. You know what I mean? So you got to get back out there. You got to try to get over it, man. You really do because you only live once and you deserve to be happy. What about ladies? When you break up with a dude, and especially if he was cheating, how long does it take before you get back on the horse? Literally. I think it's different for everyone. Yeah. I think that. I mean, I personally, if I wasn't over someone, I wouldn't be able to go and kiss anyone else. I wouldn't even try. But it's been six months. So what? If I'm not over it, then I'm not over it. Tell you what, that next guy does not get a fair shake. No. At all. That's what I mean, yeah, too. You don't want to punish some random guy just because of your ex. Neither does that next girl, you know? And he's going to be very cautious. And that's fine. You have every ride to be. It's better than sitting around and stewing about it and letting it eat you up inside. Get back out there as soon as possible. Try hard to be yourself. Take it slow, though, right? Take it slow. Yeah, for sure. Hey, Woodsy. Yes, sir. You know that women have a much, much higher expectation of humankind to start to wait after a relationship before they start dating.
Last night around the dinner table, there was discussion by the ladies, my mom, Rebecca's mom, and Rebecca, about what a dirtbag John Gosselin was. Yeah, John and Kate Plissette. That after the divorce, he was dating right away. Everyone, yeah. Isn't that guy's way of dealing with it, though? Could be. I think that a lot of guys... want to fill up the time they want to you know and i think women think that's so monstrous yeah they do and the thing about guys is i mean and this is almost to the to the letter man guys do not like to be by themselves we just don't like to be alone yeah and so you will fill up the time with somebody that's not even half the person that your ex was or or what you're really looking for but you just don't want to be by yourself alone with your thoughts you know what women think they think they didn't mean anything to you if you date somebody right away they make a direct connection to that and dudes don't make that connection at all not at all dude you guys okay if it was reversed you both would be at home bummed and like i don't i couldn't imagine either of you going out after some other girl you know what i'll tell you you're 100 right but
I wouldn't draw any conclusion about it. Yes. If Rebecca went out, you'd be like, I must not have meant that much. I wouldn't do that. Yes. I'm telling you. How could you not? Because I'm not a woman. Because women, I'm telling you the truth. I'm being 100%. It's like me saying to you, Sienna, you're telling me if a guy is walking down the street, you struggle to keep your eyes off of him and checking out parts of his body. Like you're going to look at like, you're telling me. That if a guy walks down the hall, you can't, like, stare at his stuff. Are you telling me that? And you'd be like, yeah, I can do that. I don't have to look at his, like, I'm not drunk. It's the difference between men and women. It's the difference. Men, if a woman is walking down the street, it doesn't matter. Men's eyes, it's the way we're wired. We are wired differently than women are wired. And so it may hurt me. We just don't get caught. I know you look, but do you guys, do you guys. You would never have a struggle over it. Yeah, I wouldn't be like, if he walked by and I didn't look, I wouldn't be like, man, I didn't see it. You wouldn't be gritting your teeth. You're driving and there's a dude jogging. I look every time. Yeah, I know. Especially in their jogging shorts. But if you didn't look, would you have to grit your teeth and be like, I'm not going to look. I'm not going to look. We would. Would you circle back around and go have another look? I would do that as well. Oh, I forgot my phone. I need to.
Go home and turn around. Stop, because it's creeping me out. Like Mike said, that's the difference in men and women. I want to see the scientific facts that back this up. I'm being honest. I'm giving you from the most honestness of my heart, like I'm telling you the truth, that if I broke up with Rebecca or Rebecca broke up, because the only reason that Rebecca and I would ever split up would be cheating. Because of my beliefs. No divorce unless for adultery. And if infidelity happens, all bets are off. Okay. Well, if that happened and we split up and she immediately started dating somebody, I definitely would be bummed because I'm in the middle of bummedness anyway. Right. Like we're in the middle of a world of hurt anyway. That doesn't make it worse. And if she, okay, there may be a myriad of things that I think about her and draw a conclusion of if she starts dating somebody. One of them isn't, oh, she must not have cared about me very much. Now, I may be different. I may be different than other men in that I would draw a lot of conclusions that wouldn't be very positive. But I'm talking about the looking thing. Oh, talk to me about that. Men look all the time. Yeah, I know men look. I've done a little.
social experiment, my own personal one. Yeah. I want to hear about that. They just, well, Matt and I were talking about it because we were talking about looking and I said, well, I look at everyone. I'm just a, like, I'm an observer. I'm a little sponge. So I just am a people watcher. I look at everybody. Yeah. And so, you know, I've caught him from time to time and he tried to tell me same thing, you know, or hardwired that way, whatever. So he went a week seeing if he had to like actually staff himself and I went a week observing other men and it's like, Honestly, like a string is attached from the woman's chest, I should probably say, to their head. And they have to look. The man? They have to look. To a guy's head? But I want to know if there is like scientific evidence to support, like back in the caveman days when we had to find a mate to procreate. You just proved it, I think. I don't know. I don't know if there is. I think you do know. And here's the other deal, Lauren. Here's the other deal. Is that if a woman looks at a guy. usually her thought life ends there. What I mean by that is... Oh, yeah. Oh, he's attractive. You see them, and they're attractive, and that's it. It's a fleeting image. It's a fleeting image. Guys, think about them the rest of the day. You don't... What you don't do is begin a process mentally... It's called the creepy process, is what we like to call it. You don't begin that process. Now, which is... I've said this a million times. I was in a conversation... Because you guys know the way that...
I'm wired. I know the only person I want to think about that stuff with is my wife. And so I don't want to look at other women in that way because I know where it takes my head. You don't want to store the images? No. I don't like this. Guys are so good. So I only want to think about my wife. And so I heard from this guy one time. It's a room full of guys. We're all talking about how do you not do it? I mean, think about that. That men have to have a conversation about. How do you like we're trying to figure out a math equation, like we're trying to solve some sort of like problem here. And this guy goes, I found the easiest way to not do it is to not do it. It was the most. And that's what I do. And I realize that my memory is short. I don't continue to. I don't drive by her and go, oh, my gosh, what did I just miss? What did I just miss? I just don't do it. But women don't have that issue. But is it a that's what I want to know. Is it a hardwired scientific thing or is it a societal thing that we've been given like men have seen that this is an acceptable thing to do? That's 100 percent right. But that's true that we've been conditioned to think that there's absolutely nothing wrong with looking. If you're married, we've been conditioned to think that if we're married as men.
It doesn't matter if we check women out because that's the way we're wired. Yes, that's the way we're wired. And yes, there's something wrong with it. And no, we shouldn't do it. I believe that. We have a wife. That's why we have a wife, to get busy with a wife, not to get busy mentally with some chick running down the street. I'll tell you what, the older you get, the worse it gets. I'm telling you, the older you get, the worse it gets. Oh, you're right. But we are hardwired, right? Yeah, there's no question. It drives my wife bananas. It gets worse? I'm this guy. Oh, you say the ooh? I'm like, I'm sorry. I just apologize. I've only caught Todd, like, maybe twice looking at someone else. He's really, really good about it. He's crafty. But a lot of times, too, if I see a girl that's like, dang, I'll be like, look at that girl. Jamie does not think that any other female in the world is attractive at all. I'm like, God, Rachel McAdams is beautiful. She's like, nah, she looks skanky to me. She'll always have a reason. Always. I love her to death. She's too mole-y, Rachel McAdams. Look at all those moles on her. She's fantastic. Stop it. I got one more for you. Love you, honey.
M1Natalie says, need to know why married men go to strip clubs, not criticizing, just trying to gain a guy's perspective to literally save my marriage. Thanks, Woods. Love the show. Natalie, I'm on your team. I am team Natalie. Yeah. If there is one thing in the world that drives me batty, it is a strip club. It just, I don't like them. I've never liked them. I don't want to hear about some girl's bills when she's got her boobs in my face. I don't need to hear about your kids. Like, I don't. I don't lie. She's got her boobs in my face. You know a lot about it, though. Well, dude, I've been. I mean, I've been a ton. Every day. I worked in radio, man, and all my accounts were strip clubs. Like, I literally, when I say I had to go, I had to go. You're saying that you don't like when a woman is erotically dancing in front of you and telling you about how she can barely make that month's rent? Yes, exactly. That's what you're saying? That's exactly what I'm saying. I have high tuition. Yes. Did they really say that? Oh, dude. Yes. I thought they didn't really talk. No, they talk too much. Are you telling me that you don't like it when a woman is erotically dancing in front of you and telling you how her two-year-old has got the flu at home? Exactly. He just won't stop crying. Shouldn't he be home with a two-year-old? So, Natalie, listen, here's the deal. I don't know why men love to go to strip clubs. I really, really don't. I've never gotten it. I've got friends that swear by them.
I'm not a strip club guy. I never have been. Jay? I am out on strip clubs as well. But what I will say for the girls that are working there, you know, they are trying to make it. I mean, they can't just be home to watch their kids. Your point is like you should be home watching your kids. They've got to go to work as well. If they have the flu, they should be home. Well, they may have to pay the bills. It's either we could, you know, keep the kid well or. But that's any job. If I had a kid and my kid was sick, I wouldn't be able to go to work. And now also, Jay. That's not the only option, is it? Well, could be. I mean, you can't put yourself in that person's shoes. I mean, you don't know how bad things are for that person. It's like Everlast said, Mike. God forbid you ever have to walk a mile. Yeah, that's all I'm saying is, you know, I don't want to judge lest not I be judged. And I just quoted Everlast. Yeah, you did. That's sad. Now, wait a minute. Now, is it judging if you go? You don't have to do that. I think that if a girl is stripping, it may. make her feel kind of gnarly later. Yeah. Is that true? Sure. Have you seen, I've seen, listen, I've seen evidence of it. I've seen evidence of girls that took their clothes off and they didn't let, that made them feel gross. Oh, for sure. Cause they got, you know, gross guys in there. But like the, the, the guy, the strip club guy, as long as there's a market for it, there's somebody who's going to do it. Right. And, and these girls that go, they make it, they make a ton of money doing it. I have no issue with that per se.
I do have an issue with the strip club guy. Like the guy that takes the paycheck in and he gets lap dances. And, you know, it's like, dude, you're being had. You're being taken. Guess how old David Schwimmer's fiance is? 16. I'll give you a million guesses. 60. I wonder who's closer. 16 years old or 60 years old? We'll find out next. Mikey Show. On FM 94.9.
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Just shorter, which is almost impossible. Everybody's saying this weekend, Woodsy and I, we go, Lauren O'Brien loves her some Mikey short jokes. Oh, she loves it. It's her favorite. She sniggles. She can have coffee in her mouth, and you throw out a Mikey short joke, and she's like... It's the best. Well, I love that you... Just so openly embrace it. Well, he never did until he met you. Because he likes to get laughs out of you. Now he embraces it. Yeah. I know. I just like to bring you joy. So I do it with the Mikey short jokes. We're going to be getting to a list of things that should be banned, which, by the way, if you'd like, you can call about. 570-1949. And you can also text us, 949-Mikey at gmail.com. David Schwimmer's fiance. How old? 14. No, that would be wrong. It's at least legal. How old? I'm going to say, how old is he? Do we know how old? Then she's 29. Nope. 31. Nope. 24. Yep. 24? Mm-hmm. Oh, wow. That's young. 19 years apart. Yeah, that is more than the difference between Sienna and her husband. Sienna's 24.
Her husband's 39. He's on the right track, though. Let me just say that right now. And Schwimmer's how old? 43. Really? That's not as bad as I thought. Is it? You've seen Todd and I together, and that's only five years apart. Hey, listen, Sienna, you know who has problems with it? Women. I'm a woman. Yes. I know. Older women. Women other than the ones involved in the relationship. Can you believe him? Yeah, I can't believe him. such a career. Date somebody to your own age. Oh my gosh. I remember when I was a senior, I went out with a sophomore and the senior girls painted my car like with stupid shoe polish with nasty remarks. Really? Yes. They wanted you dated, would it have been okay if you dated a junior? Well, I broke up with one of the senior girls to go out with the sophomores. Would they have done it if you dated a junior? Yeah, probably. Really? So the only thing that would be acceptable is a senior dating a senior. Exactly. I wonder if that still... That happens 100% to this day. In our culture today. I only graduated a few years ago. Oh, my. And senior girls when I was a freshman, there were some that were not nice to me. Because you dated seniors. Yes. Every father's nightmare, by the way. Yeah. Is it their daughters dating a senior? Yeah. When they're a freshman or a sophomore, they're like, really, dude? Yeah, because the difference between a freshman and a senior is way different. Big difference. Would you pull a dude over if he was dating your freshman daughter? Are you kidding me? Of course you would. Yeah. Are you kidding?
You would, 100%. Yeah. He'd probably get pistol whipped. I'd be furious. You would be Henry in Goodfellas walking across the street. Exactly. Oh, my God. It's not that big of a difference. I have to admit it turned me on. They can drive. Well, yeah, they can drive and they can go park and they can do other things. But when you're 14 as opposed to 18, that is way different. I don't think it was that different. Oh, it's way different. Excuse me, Stephen Woods. Yes. Didn't you say that if they can cut their own food, they're fair game? That is a bit. Sure. That is a joke. My wife is older. My wife is an, I married an older woman. Does that surprise anybody? Yes. Me too, me too. Really? It does. Really? It does. You're the biggest kid I know. You are the biggest kid.
So why does that surprise you? Because you are very young at heart, is a great way to put it. Man child? Yeah. Man child. I would think that you would date a younger gal. No way. Younger gal is going to be too much like him. My wife is... She grounds him. She grounds me. No, literally, she goes, you're grounded. You're grounded. That's the weird part about it. Don't even think about leaving the house this weekend. That is funny that you guys are creeped out that I married an older woman. Oh, no, I'm not creeped out. Surprised. When I found that out, yeah. To me, there's nothing weird about it at all. It's surprising that you are. Really? Here's the funny thing. When we would break up, I would always go way younger. Of course. And then I'd be like, wow, I want to... Not hang out with this person ever again. Yeah. Because it's just, the older women, they know what they want. They know what they're doing. You know, their head's on straight. That's exactly what I needed. Woodsy, did you, how did you, Woods played baseball for the first time this weekend. Finally. Hardball. He's in a hardball league here in San Diego. The Royals? The Brewers. The Brewers. And what happened? Well, we were playing one of the elite teams in the,
What do I call it? The League. And funnily enough, their name was Elite San Diego. And these guys were good. So I'm literally, my coach called me and said, Woods, you got the ball. So first day, first game of the year, I'm the starter. So I'm about to vomit all morning. I'm driving to the field. Because it's a new team for me. These are new guys. We don't know each other that well. I wanted to earn my stripes. I didn't want to go out there and tank. So I took the hill and I struck out the first guy. of the year, which was rad. Nerves, right? Just adrenaline. Just adrenaline going. Just made him look foolish. Yeah. Nice. Love it. I pitched five innings. I gave up six runs. However, I think one of those runs was earned, meaning there were some errors and things that happened. It wasn't based on anything that I really did. Now, I did walk too many guys. You know your boys are going to blow your cell phone up for that right now. Oh, I know. They're going to kill me. But, no, here's the deal. We played ourselves out of the game. I mean, we win as a team, we lose as a team, for sure. And, like, hey, I walked too many guys. I hit a guy. Like, I had the wheels come off a little bit myself, and there's no excuse. But we didn't hit. We had four guys picked off base. Like, it was a total team turd that we. Do you guys have the whole uniform and everything? Yeah, metal cleats, wooden bats. So you win or lose? We lost. We lost bad. We didn't even score a run. I was there, man. You didn't know it.
You were there? Yeah, dude. I mean, I got to support my boy. Frankie, you're a good friend. Yeah. I didn't see you, though. I know I was in a tree, dude. That's creepy, Frank. What's creepy about it? I was watching you. Why didn't you? Did you have binoculars? Yeah. Why didn't you sit on the stands? It's a better view up there, right? I got kicked out of there before. Well, how did you think I looked? I thought you looked fantastic, dude. I thought you looked great out there, dude. How do you think I pitched? I have no idea, bro. What did you pay attention to? Throw a motion. Sorry? How did my mechanics look? Mechanics. Oh. You know? Hey, man. You cool with your equipment? Yeah. Yeah. You know, the only thing is I don't have a jersey. And so my coach told me, he's probably listening. He goes, go get a Brewer's jersey. So I ordered a Brewer's jersey online. Well, what did they send me? They sent me a really tight, medium Brewer's T-shirt. Oh, yeah, dude. You don't want that because then you can see a panty line, bro. I don't wear panties. What do you wear out there? Just out of curiosity. Well, I wear long blue socks up to my knees. Yeah. And I wear the baseball pants and a blue belt.
You wear the pants that the bottoms of the pants go all the way to the ankle, though. Yeah, they do. But sometimes if I'm playing your boxes, bro. No, I don't wear boxers. I don't wear. No. Well, yes, but you wear a jock and then you put a cup in there and then you put sliding shorts over that. You put a you have one of them in there. You got to wear a cup, dude, because if they hit one up the middle, I'm not taking one off the piece. That's what are you? What is that? It's a cup. It protects your boys. Frankie, you don't know what a cup is? No. You want a demonstration? Yeah, I'll come over. No, no, you don't need to. What? What? It's a plastic thing. It covers your piece and won't let you get hurt. It's a shield. It's a big plastic. It sounds like that when you knock on it because I knock on mine all the time. Why do you do that? I just do because I like the way it sounds. That's very strange. He's seven. Yeah, I am. That's Frankie.
He just wants to be Woods' friend, I guess. He's weird. Why are you so mean to him? Because he's weird. He was in a tree watching me play ball. What's weird about being in a tree watching you play ball with binoculars? Sit in the stands like normal people. Hey, hug it out, guys. When Frankie was talking about his equipment, what equipment was he talking about? He's got a jockstrap. Yeah, I wear a jockstrap, I wear a cup under that, and I wear shorts over it. It's medium. No, it's large. Hey, dude, you don't have to get all personal over here. I wasn't asking. You just asked me. But since you, hey, you brought it up. Why do you want to know how big my cup is? I didn't. You told. He said it's a large. It's a large. Not an extra large. This is really awkward. I don't care, man. I'm really uncomfortable. Hey, you want me to teach you how to chest bump? Yeah. Sure. I want to see it. You sure you had a chest bump, dude? No. Yeah, why not? Chest bump. Chest bump. Chest bump. Chest bump. Come here, dude. I'm going to teach you how to chest bump. Do it. Come here. Oh, that's not chest bumping. You're supposed to bump chest. What, dude? Frankie, that was like your arms went around him and it was a hug, not a chest bump. That was a hug. That's how you're supposed to do it. You don't know how to chest bump, dude? You don't wrap arms around each other. You just stick out your chest.
Just the chest. Jump up in the air a little bit. I'm embarrassed, man. I thought that's what you were supposed to do. I was supposed to embrace him. No. I thought that's what it was. You caressed him in a nice hug. I did not. All I did was I held him, you know. I was holding him. It was a gentle embrace. I was holding him in my arms. It was nice. I thought when you chest bump, you were supposed to. You know, you're not supposed to pick me up and then use one of your legs to corral my other two legs. That's all I did. I didn't know. I didn't know. I know. And I'll be like, oh, I don't do that. That was the most awkward chess mob I've ever seen. It's creepy. You got to work on that, Frankie. I'll work. You want to practice again? No, let's not practice. He doesn't know how to do it. He knows now. I've explained it. No, he doesn't. You got to just show him. I still feel very confused about it. I'm sure you do. Very confused. Relax, Frankie. Things that should be banned. These are the things that should be banned. Chest bumps. Chest bumps? Yeah. Oh, for sure. Who does them anymore anyway? You're supposed to. Well, you hugged, Frankie. That was a hug. We didn't say ban hugs. We said ban chest bumps. Dude, when I was in college, chest bumps you're supposed to do like a handshake. You end with a hug. Acid washed jeans were cool then too, dude.
Nobody wears them anymore. I'm wearing them right now. I got cutoffs. Yeah, about those. Roller blades, what's the matter? Not so much, Frankie. What's the, why? They're skin tight, dude. Yeah, they look like they're painted on. What's the problem? They're Daisy Duke. Yeah, bro, you see the pockets sticking out of the bottom of them. The white pockets. You see more than the pockets sticking out the bottom of them. No doubt. Oh, what? Uh-oh. Sorry about that. Cover up, pal. Tuck it in. No white. Nate. Nobody would have, you hadn't. What do they call that? Moose knuckle? Somebody's got a dirty mind today. The guy talks three times a week. Yeah, he comes to the table with moose knuckles. Yeah, three times a week. That's one of them. Just trying to give my all. And you're being inappropriate. Of course he is. Amazing.
But chest bumps, seriously, they should be banned. Things that should be banned. Trucker hats? Yeah. Like Ashton Kutcher style? I'm out on the trucker hats. Trucker hats out? Then they're done that. Got the t-shirt. Moving on. What about guys like Seabass that were rocking them before Ashton Kutcher? He can continue. Seabass meaning who? Oh. Kick his ass, Seabass. Yeah, exactly. Oh, Cam Neely from Dumb and Dumber? I don't know. You know his name? Yeah, he was a hockey player. What about the over-antibacterial guy or girl? Mikey. Yeah, I was instantly like, I don't know what they're talking about with that. Yeah. There is nothing wrong with antibacterial. With this noise? Look it. Sienna's got two of them in her purse right now. Make the noise. Make the noise. They smell like stripper. Not that I would know. Yeah, how do you know? Not that I would know. From the years ago when I went to strip club.
Yeah. Let me apply some right now. They say that if you use it too much, you're more likely to get sick. Yeah. Really? They say that about everything. You kill other germs on your hands that are necessary. Well, bacteria on your hands. Mikey, I use an all-natural coconut milk to disinfect my hand. I just hand it to Mikey and I want him to use it. There's no way. Use it. It's from Victoria's Secret. I would never use that. No, you can't use that one. Because it's from Victoria's Secret and it's called Amber Romance. That's a gross perfume. The other one is Sweet Pea from Bath & Body Works. Oh, great. I'll smell like a stripper. You'll smell good. They smell amazing. Oh, my goodness. They smell beautiful. Mikey, you use like $80 eye cream, but you're going to say you won't use Victoria's Secret. I ain't using that. Antibacterial. I can't do that. Stuff smells great, by the way. Any Victoria's Secret. It smells like the Spearmint Rhino in here right now. Get out of here. I love it. M1Q. Hello? Yeah, what should we ban? The traffic light cameras. Oh, absolutely. Why do we ban them? I think they're an evasion of privacy. I agree. They work. I agree. Hey, pal, if you're not smart enough to catch me running that red light, don't send me a ticket. Yeah. Okay?
Yeah. I've been busted by him. Oh, I get three a week. You get three a week. You are the worst driver. This guy with the three a week. It's ridiculous. It is an invasion of privacy, though. You guys, they have a sign up warning you camera at this light. No, not all of them. Well, I know. Maybe you won't get one if you don't run the line. Yeah, dude. Sometimes, sometimes if you're going, it's like you. I noticed, Mikey. I was with Mikey this weekend. Here's us pulling up to a yellow light. Like locking up his brakes so that he can stop at a yellow light. I do that too. That's more dangerous. Just blaze it. Don't blaze it. Just blaze it. He just said he's got three of them a week. Yellow means speed up. Yep. Yellow means hurry up and go. Hey, if you're not there to catch me, you're really going to send me a ticket? Yes. Really? Because you're not there to catch me. You were breaking the law. I've gotten them. I've gotten them. I don't get them anymore because I was like, yeah, I shouldn't be speeding through a red light. School zone. I think they go off, though, when the light turns red. I don't know, dude. I think they go off if you're in the intersection and the light's red. Only if it's red. Yeah, because you're allowed to be there in a yellow. Yeah, exactly. You get caught sometimes in the middle when you, I mean, we're not. You know, though.
But we're not perfect. We don't know how long it's going to stay yellow for. I think that as Americans, we sort of know how long it's going to stay yellow for. What? Every light has the same time. I think we do. Yeah, I don't think what they do is throw like the 30-minute yellow, the 20-second yellow. Well, it's not like the coil 1-1000 or 1001. Kind of is. Whatever. You know, in Mexico, they do it right. The green light flashes and then goes yellow. That's genius. It is genius. I don't know why we don't do it. What is it? It flashes. The green light flashes, then it goes yellow. That means. Oh, that's a good idea. That is good. They got that figured out before we did. They have like $4 in the bank. That's right. And they figured that out. That makes sense. M1K's girl. Oh, hey. What do you think? We should ban what? All right. The most annoying thing is when you're walking into the store. It's like a Costco or whatever, the food store. And the person in front of you stops short to put the keys away. Yes. All the time. There should be like a loading zone on the side. I'm so with you. Explain. Okay, the guy at, you're walking in a sport, you're walking, let's say we go to a Padres game. And me and you are walking to our seats and there's a dude in front of us. And we're just, everybody's walking with the flow of traffic and he just stops because he's got to get his cell phone. My dad does the, dances around him very dramatically, you know. Over dramatically to really let him know. Yeah, that's pretty bad. He's walking in freedom of space.
Now with this next one, don't everybody freak out. Everyone just calm down. I haven't even said it yet. Bring it. Let me explain. Cyclists. Now hang on. Hang on. Everybody calm down. Everybody quit freaking out. Bicyclists. Apparently we live in France. Hang on a minute. Apparently we do. Because my issue, I have a couple. My biggest issue is I get afraid that I'm going to hit them. Now, that's not them. That's me. Okay. Because if they're in a bike lane. Which usually they're not. Okay. But if they're in the bike lane, they got every right to be there. Of course. You know what I'm saying? 100%. The thing is, though, sometimes they're like straddling that bike lane.
And they're, like, so close to the edge of it. You hit the handlebar. That you hit the handlebar. That you could hit the handlebar. You could. You feel like you're going to. And so you've got to move over. Yeah, you've got mini Lance Armstrong there, and you're scared to death. You're scared. That he's going to weave into your lane. Right. Sometimes the bike lane runs out. You know what's funny? Roads and cars. They build roads for these things. Cars. It's incredible. However. You recognize as well as I do, there's a bike lane, right? They get a bike lane. Mikey, I ride segways. Maybe I get my own lane for that. I ride skateboards. Maybe I get my own lane for that. Bicyclists can own the lane if they want. They can have the entire lane. They don't have to stay in the cycle lane at all. You have to yield to them. Sometimes they think they do. Jay, is that for real? That is for real. You have to yield to them. And if you can't get around them. I'll take the Pepsi challenge with the bicyclist with my trailblazer any day. You'll lose. To see who owns the road. You'll lose. You'll go to court and you'll be put away. Do not mess with a cyclist. I am a cyclist and I will hurt you. And see, that's the thing. The cyclist must know this. Because the cyclist gives us the look. Yeah.
that we better just watch our P's and Q's. Don't even try it, kid. Yeah, they're in their full gear. Lance, spandex, the whole bit, the long helmet in the back. I mean, I get it. I get what you're saying. If four cyclists are riding shoulder to shoulder, then yes, I have a problem if they're coming out. But if it's a big group and they don't have a choice, they're like cycling around, you know, to get the new leaders up to the front, because that's basically what they're doing is they have some people leading, pulling the group. And then the other one's kind of long and get in front and then pull. You know, Jay, when I was watching the Tour de Escondido this weekend, I noticed that too. And now that I know the strategy, I'll definitely be more careful. Where do you think they train? Go to a parking lot. Wow, that sounds great. Ride in circles around a parking lot. Can't you just grab a buddy, a couple buddies and go? Do you need to have 35 of you going down the Hoya Boulevard? The Tour de Escondido. Yeah. I just want to get some eggs. I just want to go to the store and get some smokes, pal. Apparently you need a bike to do that in order to fit in. Well, and I'm, I mean, I'm telling you, I'm petrified. I am scared to death. I'm scared. I'm scared. And they know I'm scared. They sense my fear like bees and dogs. And they look at you like, get off. Driving on this road with your car. I got snubbed while I was on a bicycle.
By another bicyclist. By another bicyclist. Yeah, they're very hoity-toity. Well, because I was on my beach cruiser. Well, like a bicycle. Which is just dumb to them. Well, I had one cyclist. There's no gears. Cool bike, because it's an old-school little Schwinn. I think he was being a smartass. No, no, no. He was being sarcastic. Cool bike. Oh, he was for real. Was he? He was like, yeah, that's a classic. You're also blonde. He was hitting on you. Yeah, you're blonde with blue eyes. That's a really cool Huffy. Yeah. He's like, you know what? It's probably the... Best looking huffy I've ever seen in my life. Actually, I said it was a Schwinn. It's a classic. Did your boyfriend buy you that? My ex-boyfriend did. Oh, really? You kept it? Yeah. It's functional. This is him talking to you. Your boyfriend? Did your boyfriend get that for you? What's the deal with that? Oh, he's an ex. Really? Yeah. This is the bicyclist against the beach cruiser. Actually, it would have been like... Yeah. That's how he did it. They didn't like it. But anyway, so, you know, this is not a generalization, but one time I was on my beach cruiser and I was going, I guess, the wrong way. But I was just checking the waves, just going, like, down the street along the coast. Just having a nice leisurely bike ride, right? Not trying out for, like, a big giant tournament in the Pyrenees, right? Just riding your bike on a Saturday, just having a ball. Yeah. Right, okay. You weren't in Switzerland? Right. I wasn't.
I wasn't, but I got the old, you're going the wrong way. Thanks, pal. I said, I know. Put a stick in the spokes. M1 John. Don't ever do that. How are you doing? Go ahead. Hey, I used to, as a living, used to do the bicycling thing. So I spent a lot of time on the road. And I've been hit a couple of times, and I totally get what you guys are saying. But the vehicle code actually says you need to be as far right as practical. So it's really ambiguous because the bike lane may not be usable because of nails and glass and trash. And it's actually easier to be seen like on Wildcat Canyon and some of the rural roads if you're away from the curb. So you are a bicyclist. I am. Okay, now I want to ask you since I got you on the phone. All right. Can you at least relate in any part to what we're saying? Absolutely, because I've been dinged before when it's my fault. And that's cool. And I've been rude and obnoxious. I've done all of that stuff. I mean, it's ridiculous to say that any cyclist that's worth its fault and been on the road hasn't been, because we've all been that way. But most of the time, we're just trying to be seen, because I don't want to get hit from behind by a 3,500-pound car. So I'm going to lose every time, whether I'm right or wrong. Lauren?
Well, I was just going to ask him if it goes back to that egocentric thing that we were talking about before. So when you're in your car and you see a bicyclist that's not following the rules or whatever, are you like, do you have more sympathy for them? Or are you more like, hey, pal, follow the rules? Yeah, generally. We usually call those ones, the technical term is a Fred, because the ones that are really got their heads, you know, where probably read more articles than they do ride miles. Right, right. So, you know, and I won't yell at them. You guys are Fred. You know, should be doing this or that. For the most part, I'll cut them some slack and just weave around them because I know that especially the ones that you can just tell are out doing their thing and they're just trying to get their miles in and they're not trying to cause problems. The ones that are trying to be seen are, you know, they're just going from coffee shop to coffee shop. Thank you. That's like a Barney in the water. That's right. Yeah. And the red light thing, the red light cameras, because that's what I do now for a living, kind of. Do you install them or what do you do? No, no, no, no. I drive the black and white cars around. Oh, you're caught. But, yeah. Woods just got a terrified look on it. Woods just, it was as if you were immigration and he was here illegally. Like, he got a look on his face. My goodness. Not good. That was my job before. Now, this is my job now. You can be in an intersection on a red light. You just can't enter the intersection on a red light. Ah, see, Woodsy? There you go. Yellow lights only mean the light is switching from green to red. So you're a cop. So, yeah. Okay, I got another question for you.
Because my wife and I were having this conversation this weekend. And I never, sorry, I never call in. So the cyclist part of me called in. That's cool. That's awesome. That's cool. But I got a question for you. Since I have you on the phone, I got to ask you this question. All right. Because my days of Jake getting a ride on Daddy's lap are over. Yesterday was his last trip ever. Really? Let me tell you. And I take him in like just our neighborhood. Right. Like not. It's just the street, right? And there's this area where there's no houses, and it's just this big, long road, and there's no houses. And so he's sitting on my lap. He's three, okay? And I got the seatbelt around both of us. He's got his hands on the wheel, and I'm going real slow. And he's turning the wheel and giggling like nobody's business. It's the greatest thing between a dad and a kid. It's what I remember as a kid when my dad would put me on his lap. Oh, heck yeah. It's just the coolest thing in the world. All three of my kids have done that. Yeah. Okay. And so we're doing this. Now, this guy comes running down the street. And, I mean, this dude is, he looks like a linebacker for the Redskins, man. This dude is, I'm not kidding you, 6'4". He actually looked.
just like The Rock. I thought Dwayne Johnson was running down the street. He is just, I mean, this dude is just cut, right? And he's running with a pit bull. And he kind of slows down and he's like saying something and I don't know what he's saying, but he doesn't look unfriendly. So I think maybe he's asking for directions. I'm not sure. And so I roll the window down and he goes, Hey, dog, my wife's coming down the street right now, man, and you're driving with your effing kid on your lap, man. That's effed up. And I go and I say, dude, I'm really sorry, man. Just so you know, totally had control of everything. He's like, that's effed up, man. And I go, I'm totally sorry, bro. Totally sorry. Went home and explained to Jake as we were going home. I was kind of mad that he had to use language. I was just going to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The language kind of sucked. The language kind of sucked. But I explained to Jake, and this is the truth. The truth is that guy running with his dog, he didn't break any laws. Right. Right. The guy getting yelled at. Did. Now, here's what I always will say. Like.
I've said this before when guys get pulled over and they get beaten up by cops and people get all upset about it and everything. And I say this. Sure. And I'm sure even John, who's a cop, can agree with this. If a cop legitimately beats up a guy and they weren't supposed to and it was over aggressive and excessive use of force, they're in the wrong. And I don't think anybody disagrees with that. But I also make the point of saying, you know who doesn't get beat up by the cops? The people that aren't. speeding down the freeway in a high-speed chase going 117 miles an hour, taking the cops on a wild-speed goose chase. Okay? They don't. Okay? That's true. And so, my point in saying that is, I can sit here all day long and go, I can't believe that guy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But guess who doesn't get yelled at? The guy that doesn't have their three-year-old on their lap having a good time when they shouldn't be. And that's exactly, well, see, that's the rational person slash parent part of you who will later on be able to tell that kid. hey, it doesn't matter what you say or why you were, where you were, just that you were where you were. Now, my question, here's my question to you because you're a cop. My question to you is, because my wife is convinced that even though this is pretty rural, looks relatively harmless, she's sure that if a cop saw me, it would be real bad news. And she said, what would you say? And I said, I would tell the cop, hey, listen, I'm really sorry.
I was in control of the vehicle the whole time, but I understand that it's wrong and I won't do it again. I'm just doing that thing that we all do with our little boys. And I would think that a cop would be understanding of that and say, yeah, you probably don't want to do it anymore. But you tell me, as a cop, how would that go down? There's so many variables in that that it's almost impossible to say what would happen 80% of the time because it's going to be based on what kind of day that cop's having. how he or she perceives you to have received their message. I mean, there's so many things going on. I mean, maybe one of their family members has been in a horrific accident, and that's their thing. I mean, a lot of cops have their thing, where it just doesn't matter. I'm going to write, cite, arrest, or do whatever, given whatever situation is their thing. But if it's just in generalities, and you're out in the middle of nowhere, some industrial park on a Sunday morning, and somebody stops you and says, hey, can't do that, and you're, you know, yes sir, no ma'am, or yes ma'am. I'm really sorry. It's just how I grew up and, you know, my kid. I went out of my way to find some desolate area. I'm going to guess that on most occasions it's going to be a, hey, well, you just can't do that. So what used to be was and what is now is the new thing. So we just can't have that anymore. And away you both go. Probably with a stern finger warning. John, I appreciate it, man. That was really cool. It was cool to talk to you. Thank you, man. Take care, you guys. Have a great day. Later, man. That's John. Something's back in San Diego this week. I'm not sure Woods is going to know what it is.
She's from Texas. Perfect. We'll ask if you know. We're also going to test you San Diegans to see if you know what it is. I'm on the ropes this time. A little curious? It's weird. Tell you next. Here is my song, the song of my soul tonight. On FM 94.9. Owen Audi Carlsbad is proud to sell what I think is one of the best values in the luxury performance category today. And apparently you'll agree because Audi is growing fast. Hi, I'm Bill Hohen. At Hohen Audi Carlsbad, we know a thing or two about growth as well. We've grown to become the largest Audi dealer in San Diego. It's simply because we value our customers above all else. If you've been even thinking about an Audi, I invite you to visit us at Hohen Audi Carlsbad and see what all the excitement's about.
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On the 94 westbound before the 5-2 car accident, one's on the right shoulder, the other in the center divider. Also looks like a Gavilan Mountain Road at Rock Mountain Drive. I know it's out there in Fallbrook, but it does have possible fallen power cables. Looks like the power line's laying in the roadway from the pole. It's going to cause you some backup if you are headed in that direction. You'll be waiting a while. 15 northbound before Adams Avenue. We've got a 10-foot-long 2x4 that is sitting in the slow lane. This report brought to you by RedPlum.com. Discover a great place to find printable coupons, coupon codes, and saving tips online. RedPlum.com. You'll save on your favorites for groceries, fashion, local dining, and more. Visit RedPlum.com today. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Financial media station, the new home of The Mikey Show. This is FM 94.9. This guy's from San Diego. It's Paul Wright. This song is called Ocean Beach. I've been there before. I've been there.
It's in the stickers. Except around here, we call it the OB. That's right, OB. Just OB. Or OB, whatever. Jeez. You did it yourself. Well, speaking of Woodsy not being from California. Let the roast begin. No, we'll see if you know what this is. Because something's coming back. This brings back childhood memories for me. The Grenions. Getting beat up? Like not fitting into your pants? Mean. Tight t-shirts? Smedium tees with the wrong logo on them? Weight counselors? Big purple jackets. Don't take that. All right, Sienna. Do you know what a grunion is? I do. Do you know what a grunion is? I do. How do you know what a grunion is? When I was a child, my favorite show in the world.
was Three's Company. Yeah. Which was supposed to take place right here in sunny, beautiful San Diego. Yeah. So Jack Tripper comes in one time and he's got a date. Actually, knowing Jack Tripper, he probably had two dates that he had to go to the same place and then he had to run back. Big misunderstanding. But he was very excited that the Grunion were running. Yeah. And he was going to go down to the Grunion run. Right. And I'm being a little kid, being the inquisitive person that I was. Ran right to the dictionary, and I looked up grunion. Well, you'd have to go to the dictionary because at the time the internet didn't exist. Yeah. What is a grunion, by the way? Go ahead and tell us. It's a fish, isn't it? It's a fish that runs. Yeah, because I saw that on the movie, Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead. But I'm not from here, so I didn't know. It's a fish. They flop? They roll up in the high tides. The females deposit their eggs, which are 1,600 to 3,600 eggs at a time. Really? And then the males come up and do their thing. They got to do their thing on top of the eggs. On top of the eggs, yes. That's pretty weak for them. But they're small, silvery little fish that do come up with the waves. And the first grunion run is tonight. How long does it last?
I want to see it. Well, the one tonight is from 10 p.m. to midnight. Rad. Because it's the law. They tell the grunnions you can't come here until 10 tonight. Before 10, it's indecent. That's right. It's indecent. But, you know, I did learn something because I didn't know that they were. Quit ripping out your little grunnions. I didn't know that they were edible. Yeah, you can eat them. Yeah, you can eat them. And you can catch them. But only with your hands. You need to be over the age of 16 and you need a valid California fishing license. I'm going to bring grunion for everybody tomorrow. Can somebody please call us? You don't have a valid California fishing license. You just got to buy one. Jay does. Me and you tonight. Let's go to Walmart. We go down to the beach and we catch us some grunion. Why don't you go with Frankie? Yeah, I want to be in bed. I'll take it, bro. I got no problems, dude. Do you have a fishing license? I'll buy one, all right? Bring some Merlot. Yeah, dude. Check this out, bro. Let's have a grunion picnic, dude. Yes! We'll get a bottle of Milo, a loaf of French bread or a baguette, and we'll go down there, dude. We'll fish, man. Just a couple dudes. Some brie. Yeah, we'll get some brie cheese, man. Sounds pretty girly, dude. What are you talking about, man? I don't really have picnics with my boys. You just wanted to have all day.
Yeah. Same thing. That was show research. No, dude, we'll do it all together. Meet you and Jay, except Jay don't go. What do you think, man? It'd be the three of us, except no Jay. Come on, it'd be awesome. Maybe, actually, because I'd be interested in seeing the grunion run. Yeah, yeah, dude. Yeah, call me later, pal. So the Grenion run tonight from 10 p.m. to midnight. Tomorrow it's 10.25 to 12.25. Wednesday, 10.45 to 12.45. And then Thursday, 11.10 to 1.10. So it's all about the same time. So we have no chance of seeing this since we're in bed at 8 o'clock. But some of the really popular spots are PB, Silver Strand. Is that the name of a beach like in Encinitas? Yeah. No, it's Coronado. Okay. Solana Beach, Suami's Beach, Tourmaline Beach, and Winansi Beach. Deza? Desi? Desi. Yep. So tell me about the grunnions. Yeah, so, well, first of all, if you take a kid under, I think it's 14 or 16, they can get them as much as they want. They don't need a fishing license. And it's way better on the second and third nights. Way more fish come up. Have you ever eaten them, Desi? We took them home and barbecued them up. They're kind of weird, kind of like a sardine. Oh, gross. Gross. Yeah. Fishy. Fishy. I'm in. It says here, yeah, that.
They're always better to catch the second hour and usually the later of the days that they're coming on the shore. But it does say that you need to be over 16 to catch them. Okay, well, it's an awesome time, so I hope you guys have fun. Keep going. Thank you. I want to know how you cook those suckers. She said you throw them on the grill, but that sounds so filthy. Why? I want to know the percentage of chance that anybody from the show will actually see a grunion run. If we weren't working. Okay? If we weren't working, I would do it. Me too. In fact, I'd ask you guys. Let's come on. I'd be like, you guys, let's get a bottle of wine or something and a guitar and go down there. Light a fire and make some s'mores and watch the grunion. S'mores? I'm in. Like a meteor shower. Yeah. I want to, dude, fish running. I'd love to see it. Heck yeah. It'd be awesome. So anyway, grunion's are back. They're running. You guys want to, let's have some. They're running. I like this is the way the Mikey like commentary on the fish. They're back. They're running. I want to see Mikey chasing grunion. Yeah, me too. More than anything. Barefoot. Let me tell you, that would be so comical. We couldn't give it away. We'd have to charge for people to watch that. Video web hits. Video web hits. So watch me chase grunion. Hey, don't anybody Photoshop me with my jeans rolled up.
Chasing grunion. Chasing grunion, please. With a net. Except you have to catch him with your hands. And a barbecue with their hand. That's funny. You guys want to do a little net tune? You know we want to do net tune. Can you guys try to maintain a friendship? I need redemption, dude. We all stand up. Try to maintain friendship. Please stand up. Mikey, friendship's out the window in these games. See you guys after. I'll talk to you after. Ultra competitive. Now, let's remember the rules. Pick a horse. If you can, go on the webcam. Go on the webcam. MikeyShow.com because we get so into it. It's ridiculous. I jump. 570-1949. Call us right now and pick a horse. You're going to pick either Woodsy, Sienna, or Lauren O'Brien. I'm due. And here's how it's done. I'm going to play a clip from a movie and they just yell their name out to bleep. Or to beep. In. And now, Woods, go over the rules here, bro. Every time. If you yell your name out, you got to wait until I say your name. I'm going to talk to our program director, Garrett, about getting something put in here with actual buzzers, with lights. That'd be so awesome. Like the Jeopardy clicker. That would be so great. But then Sienna would probably say, my clicker's broken, my clicker's broken. I'm not the cheater.
That's right. You are, my friend. Woods is a cheater. This is what Woods does. I don't cheat. Woods goes, Woods, Charlie Brown. Or every time. He thinks because he's louder, he was first. Woods, Josh. Woods, you've got to wait until I call on you, bro. Please, I beg you, please. I have a tiny voice. That's right. Mark that down. Lauren does have a tiny voice. You have to just yell at us. Just yell out. Next to Woods and I, I think anyone has a tiny voice. I'll actually stand back today from the mic. M1 Herald, who do you want? I want Lauren. You got it. Hang in line. Harold. We're no longer friends, Harold. Hey, she killed it last week, man. Lauren killed it last week. I ran away with it. Excuse me. I was only like two points behind. No points for second place, kid. Okay, but I never. Second prize set of steak knives, Sienna. Second place to first loser. Third prize is you fired. Yeah, third prize, you're fired. You know what, you guys? Just for that, I'm going to bring it. All right. I'm going to bring it like you've never seen. All right. M1C? Yes. Who do you want? I want Wizzy. You got it. You got it. Little angel. And let's see. M1 Nick. M1 Nick is going to get Sienna. Let's talk to Nick. Nick? Jay's not talking to anyone on the phone. He's not? Why is that phone line not working? Weird. Yeah, there we go. Nick. Hi, Nick. Hi. How are you? Good, how are you? I'm good.
He's really sad to have me as a partner. You've got Sienna. Oh, I'm going to win then for sure. There you go. Handle the line, buddy. I love you, man. Got your name out. Good luck to all of you. Here we go. Here we go. Why'd you do it? I didn't since you asked. You're going to fit right in. I must admit, I didn't think much. Oh. Woods. Yes, Woods. I said Woods. Yes, Woods. The Shawshank Redemption. You are correct. My favorite movie. I'm standing here, Woods, waiting for you to call me. I'm sorry. That was good. Woods is so into it right now. You guys see them. The three of them stand across. They all stand up for this, and they get so anxious. It's the only time I stand up all day. Oh, and I forgot to give him a point. Here we go. For the hardship, I told myself I can pass any test a man can pass. All I ever wanted was a single thing worth fighting for. Ladies and gentlemen, you're not in Kansas anymore. Lauren. Hurt Locker. It's negative one, by the way. You have to deduct a point. That was Avatar. I wouldn't know. I would not know. I like girls. Man, that was Avatar. Here we go. Nobody here. There's no kid. There's supposed to be a kid. There's no kid this game. Lauren. Monsters, Inc.
Back to zero. One shot. Now you're back to zero. Here we go. Hey, kids. How you boys doing? Hey, keep chilling. What? Pulp Fiction. Look at the big brain on Brad. That's right. Here we go. Just what do you think you're doing today? I don't like this. Oh, I love this. I think I know it. People are screaming in their cars. I know everything hasn't been quite right with me. I assure you now, very confidently. I don't think we know, Mike. I know it. I know it, but I can't... She doesn't want to get a point deducted. I don't. I already got one. That was 2001, A Space Odyssey. Again, I like girls. I've only seen... The only one of these I've seen... I think Monsters, Inc. No, Shawshank Redemption 2. Dang it. Here we go. I... You know...
I don't want there to be any hard feelings between us. I'm going to give you a pair of tickets. Rachel! Rachel were being abducted. I was sitting in Gordon's cage. Now, I didn't rig those charges. You're a man. Woods! It's... It's... Stalling. It's Batman, but it's the one with Heath Ledger in it. Oh, come on! It's Batman Returns. Is that what it's called? Get out of here! Come on! You don't get to write a synopsis on it. It's called The Dark Knight. Oh, for the love of... That was a big movie. Sorry, Woodsy. Katie Holmes. Breaks my heart. I get a half point. No, you don't. You didn't even get the name right. You ready? Yes. No one knows its secrets. Jones, do you realize what the art is? Woods. Raiders of the Lost Ark. I like girls. I was seven when it came out. My mom took me to see it. Don't try to justify it. I love Raiders. It's about adventure and he has a girl in it. And fantasy. It's not fantasy. I love fantasy. It's a delightful movie. It's not fantasy. Michael, is Raiders of the Lost Ark fantasy? No. Here we go.
It's finally ready. You know, I went through quite a few supers to get it worthy to fight you. But, man. Sienna. The Incredibles. I loved when the light bulb started to go off for Sienna. Weird. She got a cartoon. She was like, hands up to the face. Her fingers are twitching. She knew it. This is close. Do you want to know the score, everybody? Please. Sienna 1. Woods 2. Lauren Goose Egg. Uh-oh. Here we go. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You felt it your entire life. Oh, I want to guess. There's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is. Guess. But it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Lauren. Do you know what I'm talking about? Lauren. Born identity? No idea. If you say the Matrix, I'm going to be mad. The Matrix. DADDY! I didn't hear Keanu Reeves' voice, though. And it was coming right up. Sorry, M1 Harold. I was waiting for it. You ready? Yeah. Hey, Mr. Grumpy Gills. Yeah! Wow, we have a tie game. There's some more cartoons, man. For sure. There's nothing. I have a little girl at home. Who cares? Woodsy, hands in his pockets, sulking, now just checking his text. Checking his blackberry? Baby.
What do my fans have to say about this? I don't think you're getting any texts right now. Oh, wow. Everything he does, he looks at his cell phone right after. Any comments? Here we go. Here we go. You know, it's funny what a young woman... Sienna! Sienna. Forrest Gump! Wow. I'm in the lead. This has never happened. Sienna is in the lead. Sienna's in the lead? This has only happened once. Three to two to negative one. Here we go. Good morning! Morning! Sienna! Lauren. Oh. Dumb and Dumber. Ah! Sienna, do you want to take a guess? I won't get it anyway. I can guess, too. Why? You can't get it anyway. I just wanted to see if she wanted to. Why? Why not? Just because she got it wrong, why can't we still get it? I guess we can. We've never done that. We've never done that. Yeah, if she got it wrong, then we can still guess. We've never done that. You guys want to do that? I'll play it again. I'll play the thing again. That'll be the new rule. Let's just make them up as we go. No, no. That's a lost point. Good morning. Morning. Oh, and in case I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night.
Everyone's at first positions, right? It's another movie, isn't it? No, same movie. Woods. Woods. Bruce Almighty? Damn it! I already said Sienna. You did? Yeah. Well, because I thought I wasn't going to get it anyway. You can't say Sienna five minutes ago. Okay, fine. That's fine. I'm glad you missed it anyway. You want to know what it was? What? The Truman Show. Yes. Damn it. Okay, so he still loses a point? Yeah, I lose a point. All right. How would I not know it if I'm saying good afternoon, good evening, and good night along with it? You know what? I know movie lines and I don't necessarily know the name of the movie. I don't know. I just know I want to videotape this process. It's one of my favorite things to see. Three adult human beings sitting in here flipping out. We can't make up rules as we go. I knew one that wasn't our cartoon. We need to play a board game together. There's only one left. Mathematically, is it over? Yeah. This is under protest. Who won? Well, how was this in a protest? Because I got cartoons. Did you even guess Truman Show? Sienna. Did Mikey tell you it was Truman Show? He didn't tell me. I didn't guess. I didn't give Sienna a point for that, though. I lost the point. What's the score? I didn't. Was I supposed to give Sienna a point for that? What's the score? She didn't give me a point. What is the score? No, she still had three. Oh, then she wins. Yeah. Okay. She had three anyway. It's three Sienna. What is such a poor loser? And you're a sore winner. Dude, I just said this is like the second time I've ever won.
It's seriously like 12-year-olds. Like worse. 12-year-olds don't fight about it this month. Hey, can we change the name of this game to name that cartoon? That'd be awesome if we did. Pulp Fiction is a great animated movie. Woods is back on his... He's checking his phone again for techie. Or name that fantasy movie, maybe. Woods, you win every time. Can someone else win? I haven't won in weeks. How about you say congratulations to someone who never wins? I haven't won in weeks. I'm dying. M1 Nick. Yep. Sienna killed it for you. I told you she would. That's right. I love you, Nick. That's right. M1 Harold, I'm sorry I didn't even show up. M1C. Hello? Sorry, my love. I'm sorry that Woods, you lost. Sorry, I suck. You know what? Hit him up on Facebook. He'll see it on his phone in five minutes, okay? Thank you. Thank you. It's fantastic. It's fantastic. Today, Jay came in and he goes, this is going to be movies. And I'm telling you right now that there's going to be fights and arguments. And I said, as soon as I saw it, I knew it. As soon as I saw it. Well, I'm really glad because Jay now knows that I don't know any movies because I'm a child. So he has to put the cartoons in for me. So let's just give her like three points for every game. You got to have some animated films in there.
Of course you do. Everyone, okay. You never saw Finding Nemo? No, I did. Everyone saw Finding Nemo. Everyone's seen it, bro. You have kids, dude. So do I. I know, that's what I'm saying. You have kids. Why would I ever go, mmm, Goodfellas or Finding Nemo? Okay, okay, okay. But also, you're not complaining about Avatar. I didn't see Avatar. You did not hear me complain about Avatar? You complained about everything. I hate this game. I hate it. Hey, happy birthday to my brother Steve. Yeah. My brother Steve turns 47 today. Love that dude. Still waiting to meet him. You'll love him. Is this y'all's song together? What's that? Is this your song with him? Yeah, this is our song. This is a song right from my childhood. Love this. Me too. Is this Kansas? No, it's Poco. Poco. I have the five top craziest cities in America and we'll explain the criteria and then see if San Diego is on the list of the craziest cities in America. Next. Count the stars in a summer sky. I think that people are going to like this.
It's a good time, you know what I mean? Call 570-1949 or text 949mikey at gmail.com. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. There's only one highest mountain. There's only one fastest man in the world. And there's only one ultimate driving machine. That's BMW. And here's a one-of-a-kind chance to get behind the wheel of an ultimate driving machine at the BMW Spring Sales Drive. Take advantage of special limited-time offers on an impressive selection of 2010 BMWs, including a spring drive credit of up to $2,500 on select models. And remember, every new BMW includes no-cost maintenance standard. It can save you thousands in service costs over other brands. There's only one ultimate driving machine, and there's only one BMW spring sales drive. So make time for joy and hurry in today. For the spring drive credit offer and ultimate service details, call 1-888-311-4BMW. Hurry into the BMW spring sales drive and receive a spring drive credit of up to $2,500. Visit your local BMW center today or go to sdcountybmw.com slash finance for details. March 26, 2010. Our first polar bear expedition is a success. It was grueling, but observing the fascinating polar bears here has made it all worthwhile.
I feared the children wouldn't hold up to the frozen conditions, but the climate here is a surprising 85 degrees. We reached base camp by late morning and still had plenty of energy to push on to the polar bear swimming hole. We crossed the same ice drifts the bears travel on when feeding and encountered an Arctic research helicopter there. The kids thought the chopper was pretty awesome. There's much to learn here, but the excitement has made the learning more enjoyable than we ever imagined. Honey, can I stop making this wind sound? The kids need lunch. Oh, okay, in a minute. Whoever is listening to this, you simply must come see the polar bears. Take an expedition for the whole family at the San Diego Zoo's new polar bear plunge. Explore their Arctic habitat and discover all there is to know about the fascinating world of the polar bears. For details, visit sandiegozoo.org. Bring your current AAA membership card and save 10% off the purchase of a one-day pass valid for up to six people. Honey, wait! Oh, hey! I was, uh... About to make a big hole in our living room wall. It's for our new safe. What new safe? The one we're going to put all of our money in. But our money's already safe. It's San Diego County Credit Union. Yeah, but how do you know... San Diego County Credit Union's been around for over 70 years. Okay. They have over $4.5 billion in assets. Wow. And their deposits are insured to at least $250,000 by the National Credit Union Administration. Guess we don't really need a safe. We have San Diego County Credit Union.
San Diego County Credit Union has been a solid, reliable place to save and grow since 1938. We offer savings, checking, certificates, IRAs, and more. We've also been voted Best Credit Union by the San Diego Union Tribune Readers Poll. And anyone living or working in San Diego, Riverside, and Orange Counties is welcome. San Diego County Credit Union now has over 200,000 customers and many convenient branch locations. Open your account online in minutes at sdccu.com. To communicate the sheer speed of high-speed Internet from AT&T, we decided to use the actors who usually read the legal disclaimers at the end of commercials for the whole commercial. Hey, Lisa, check this out. What is it, Dad? I'm doing my homework. I've got lots of homework. But look at all these cool videos I downloaded on the computer. They downloaded so fast. Dad, we have high-speed Internet from AT&T. That makes everything fast. What did you download? Watch this. That is lame. What about this one? That is lame. This one. That is lame. Come on, that kid just got hit in the face with a dodgeball. Here, watch it again. You should choose high-speed internet from AT&T to download music. How much longer are you going to hog the computer? For a limited time, see store for details. Like I haven't heard that before. Gets me every time.
Switch to high-speed internet from AT&T. Choose any speed for just $24.95 a month for 12 months with qualifying services and a one-year term. That's a one-year price guarantee. Call 1-800-PICK-ATT or visit att.com slash legal speed. The new AT&T, your world delivered. Taxes, excessive usage, and other charges may apply. After 12 months, non-discounted rate for internet service applies. For details, visit att.com slash offer details, offer in 71710. BevMo presents the five-cent sale word, get one more. Yes, technically, that's three words, but when you can buy one bottle of wine and get a second for just five cents, why limit yourself to one word? Or one bottle for that matter? BevMo's five-cent sale is almost over. Hurry in for last-chance deals on wines you'll love, like Chalice Lane Chardonnay, Bridalwood Viognier, and Canoe Ridge Merlot. Club Bev members, buy one bottle, get the second for just five cents. Get one mo' and save mo' at BevMo. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. The auto-tune stuff is great. We love it. Oh, I can't get enough of it. I think it sounds great in my ears. Woods. I am real talented, but I'm not stupid. Lauren. I accidentally had a piece of beef yesterday. Yes! Sienna. I like a beer belly. I'm going to tell you that right now. And Jay. Howdy ho, neighbors. On FM 94.9. Welcome back. So, we have a list of the top five craziest cities in America. If you want to get crazy. Do you want to get crazy?
Yeah, you do. So what is the criteria, Sienna? Well, it's based on... I just almost choked. I just almost choked. Are you all right? Serves me right for trying to do a dorky voice. So I was doing that. Whoa, excuse me. Something in my throat. I was trying to be like, it's based on poor criteria. Do you want to hear the creep? Sorry about that. We all know I don't come back like that. I come back like that. Go ahead. It's based on four criteria. Wow. The number of psychiatrists per capita. Really? Stress, eccentricity, and drinking. I got it. What? Number one, Los Angeles. No. No? Not even on the list. Really? Yep. That's shocking. El Paso. No. Vegas. Vegas is on the list. But Vegas came highly for the drinking. Weird.
Obviously. Number what? Five. Wow. Dallas, Texas. No. Yeah, what about Nolens? Nola? No. No? Miami. No. New York City. No. Chicago. No. San Francisco. Seattle. San Francisco number two. Very good. San Francisco number two. That's in the psychiatrist category. Mikey has a very evil look. I can't believe Los Angeles isn't on there. I know. Seattle. Nope. What? Houston. Vegas, number five. San Francisco, number two. Gary, Indiana. No. West Hebert Falls, Montana. Milwaukee, number four. It's actually Milwaukee. Milwaukee. And what's the other one? What are we missing? We're missing two. Number three and number one. Number three is Providence, Rhode Island. Weird. Course. There's three people in that city.
When we're thinking number of psychiatrists per capita, stress. Vienna, Austria. This is in the United States. I don't know. Cincinnati, Ohio. Really? Wow. Why? That's the craziest city in America. Based on stats. Ocho Cinco lives there. Yeah. Based on drinking, psychiatrists, and what else? And eccentricity and stress. Wow. I'm going to trip. Did you guys hear about the crack dealer that got in trouble? Because. He basically sold some crack to some guy. The guy paid for the crack with Monopoly money. Yeah. And what did he do, the guy that got paid with the Monopoly money? The crack dealer? Well, he didn't notice that he was getting paid for the crack with Monopoly money until a few days passed by. So what happened was he called up the guy who gave him the Monopoly money. He said, come over to my house. I got some new stuff.
The guy goes over there. The second the guy walks in the house, the dealer hit him over the head with his gun. There was a couple other people in the house that stopped it from getting any worse. And the guy was able to get away with no serious injuries. But however, when the guy left the crack dealer's house, he had blood coming off of his head and he got stopped in a routine checkpoint in like a little neighborhood area and had to explain the whole situation. Did he get the crack though? No, the crack was gone. He didn't know. Yeah, he got a crack to the head. Can you imagine what the 911 call would sound like from the guy that realized that he got jilted and got paid with Monopoly money? Let's imagine what it might sound like for that 911 call to happen. 911, what is your emergency? Who's this? 911, sir. Is it 911? Yes, sir. What is your emergency? I'm calling because I sold some crack. to sell her. And then I figured he was on up and up. And so I did the business. And then I was going through all my transactions, going through my receipts and everything to settle up with the books. And then today, as I was looking at his envelope, realized he gave me Monopoly money. Okay, sir. What is your location? I'm in Wichita.
Wichita. Wichita, Kansas. Who is this again? This is 911, sir. My name is Susan. Hi, Susan. Okay, so you were selling, you said crack? That's right. C-R-A-C-K. Okay. And then if you want to, you can put in parentheses cocaine. Got cocaine. I think is it. Okay, sir. And when did you realize that you had received Monopoly money? Well, I was going through the receipts and everything, and everybody else, you know, Mark Johnson's was good, Stephen Belsis was good, Porsche's. That's just her stage name. Her actual name is Melissa Carnes. She was fine. Okay, sir. Sir, I'm just concerned with this particular case. Right. So you do have a receipt, you said. Yeah, that's right. I have a receipt because I like to give my customers a receipt for the crack.
And then as I was going through, I was like, whoa, what's up with this? This is Monopoly. And the only reason I knew it was Monopoly money is because I went to buy some weed. Okay. And then the dude that was telling me the weed was like, I can't buy this. It's Monopoly money. And I was like, all right, well. Okay, and do you have the location of this weed seller, sir? Yeah, his name's Steve Smith, and I got his phone number somewhere in my safe that has all my drugs in it. So I'm going to have to call you back. I'll find out that information soon. Okay, well, sir, I have your, are you at the, will you be at the location that you're calling from now, sir? Yes, ma'am. Okay, I will send dispatch over there and we'll get the situation taken care of. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. You're a doll face. Thank you so much. You're a doll face. There it is. That is hilarious. It's brilliant. Must be what it would have sounded like.
We had people calling earlier, and they're like, that's a real 911 call? Play it for my friends. They don't believe me. I'm like, well, because it's not real. It's absolutely real. What are you talking about? We're like, well, did you hear that part right there? Like this? That part? No one knows that. Are you saying that doesn't play it for all 911 songs? I would not have thought that that was real. I wouldn't have. But to each their mom. That means job well done. You guys did good. I would have not thought that I was you. Somebody in New Jersey who's trying to become the world's fattest woman. This is insane. It's a lofty goal. Why would you want to do that? Well, wait a minute. Here's what we're going to do. I'll tell you what. Let's take a little quick one. All right. And then when we come back, I'm going to tell you all about the woman that's trying to become the world's fattest woman. I just showed Mikey a picture. You sound like Michael Shannon. Yeah, that's right. With this song. All right. It's K-Wave 97, I found it. Kenny Rogers? And, uh, no, this is not Kenny Rogers. This is, uh... Where you going? It's Lionel Richie. Lionel Richie. Oh. Commodores. Say along. It's K-Wave 97, I found it. Hold on to what we got. We're in the Central Coast favorites, aren't we? I'm going to go eat an entire submarine. All night, about the things you're going to say.
I gave all my money and my time. It's a shame. You're listening to The Mikey Show on FM 94.9. Are you ready for Ram Truck Month? Ready for a Ram 1500 with a Hemi V8 upgrade at no extra charge with 0% EPR financing? Ready for more power and performance? Really? Ready? Ready to have your neighbors offering to wash it for free, kids climbing in the back bed, dogs that don't even belong to you jumping in to enjoy a more powerful ride. 390 horsepower that gets an EPA estimated 20 highway MPG. Ready for new features like a refined interior, multi-link coil rear suspension, and trailer sway control. So are you ready? Ready for truck groupies to beg for rides, bigger boats to show up in front of your house, construction workers whistling at your truck. It's all part of Ram Truck Month, home of the Hemi V8 upgrade at no extra charge with 0% financing. So get over to your local Ram truck dealer before March 31st and get ready to be the envy of the truck driving world. Ram.
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And I laughed out loud, like practically woke the house up. Why? Because Lauren wrote an email to all of us that said, can we figure out the sandwich situation, the food situation now? Because I'm already worried. Because when we do a Monday meeting, we cannot figure out how to order lunch. This is lazy. We cannot figure it out. We sat in there last Monday until like 2 o'clock. And my stomach was going... Cosmo's lighting off firecrackers. Worst scene ever. I know. Cosmo lighting firecrackers. That's Cosmo. Yeah. Chinese. Pow! Pow! Why is he lighting off firecrackers when I'm doing a cocaine deal that's making me more nervous than anything else? It's the worst scene in any movie. You seen it, Lauren? Yeah, I've seen it. Cosmo, for no... Like, who knows? He's a houseboy. Yeah, he's a houseboy. Houseboy.
It's like a Loatian kid in the house lighting off firecrackers. No reason he's there. No reason to be lighting firecrackers. I'm watching it tonight. I'm going to buy it on iTunes right now. You are addicted to buying movies on iTunes. You have no idea. He's addicted to buying anything on iTunes. He really is. My wife's like, really, dude? Really? $975 in iTunes charges. You really need Harold and Kumar on your iPod? Do you really? Okay. All right. Okay. All right, so Sienna, tell us about the woman that's trying to become the world's fattest woman. Well, this woman, her name is Donna Simpson. She's from New Jersey. Weird. She already is the world's fattest mother. Now she wants to be the world's fattest woman. Remarkably, she insists that she's healthy. Way to shoot for the stars. Despite her need for a mobility scooter when she goes shopping. Poor girl, man. Her dress size. Poor girl, she wants it. She's stoked. That's true. That's true. I don't want to say poor girl because she's trying to get bigger. What is her dress size? Do they give it? Yes, they do. XXXXXXXL dress. That's seven X's. They don't give a number? It's not like she wears a 12? It's not a 12. No. It's a 94, I think is what it is. Now, I said that she's already the world's fattest mother, so yes, she has a child. She gave birth in 2007.
She needed a team of 30 medics to deliver her daughter. You're about a size 54. That guy could build a house. Build a parachute. Build a parachute. A parachute? A parachute. You might. I'm building a comforter for a California king. Build a teepee. Out of her skin. You might think that, you know, I just said she has a child. That was in 2007, not that many years ago, three years ago. She has a partner, a man. And you would think, you know, he wants her to slim down. But no, he's encouraging her to get to this goal. And they met on a dating site for plus size people. Although he only weighed 150 pounds. What's the deal? It's called a chubby chaser. I know. It is. There's chubby chasers. You just mortified Lauren. Like, Lauren's mortified. I guess technically my wife could be considered a chubby chaser. I don't really.
I offended Rebecca one time we were dating. I'm like, are you a chubby chaser? And she's like, are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? You guys are ridiculous. Are you kidding? Really? Just let me give you a couple more stats, you guys. You're looking at a girl with seven X's L. You see that little guy? And you're comparing yourself. Stop it, Woods. It's inappropriate when you go to scrub your belly out. Woods will pull his butt. I don't know how to react. He's five months pregnant. Yeah, five months pregnant. He pulls out his big beer belly. He's like, we go sleep. And he's sitting down and everything. Donuts are her favorite. Weird. She said, however, her favorite food is sushi. She can sit down and eat 70 big pieces of sushi in one round. Come on. I'm not done. I don't want to laugh, but I have to laugh. To achieve her goal to be the world's biggest woman, she'll need to weigh 1,000 pounds. Oh, my God. She says that she's going to die if she does that. I know. There's pictures of her and her daughter. Her daughter and she are shopping in the grocery store. To fund all of this food, she spends $750 a week. She needs to eat up to 12,000 calories. And just so you know, the average woman only consumes 2,000 a day. Oh, I know. I mean, it's nuts. Why is she trying to?
Mental illness. I think that's a mental illness. She gives new word to the phrase cankles. What is that? I said that wrong. New meaning to the word cankles. The jokes are always funnier. When you get it right the first time. We had a tough time today. You forgot the word league when you were talking about your basement. You know, we're kind of like in a... Let's point out all this stuff today. Yeah. We're kind of in a regiment of our own. Yeah. A league. A league of our own. A league of our own. It's like 20,000 feet under the sea. Leagues. Leagues. Leagues under the sea. She can only walk 20 feet before needing to sit down. I really hope that nothing health-wise. She said that she's worried she won't get to the goal of 1,000 pounds because she has a daughter that she needs to take care of. She's worried that she's not going to get to the goal because she has a daughter to take care of? Because she has to, you know, try to run after the kids sometimes. She wants this. This is terrible. No, it's awful. Someone needs to intervene. Thank you. And needs to have an MD attached to the end. That's right. Maybe a lap band, too. That's right. Woodsy. Look at Lauren. When Lauren tries not to laugh, she has to plug her nose and put her hand over her mouth.
That's ridiculous, dude. Plus, look at the bottom of her feet. Amazing. In the pictures. Go Walmart feet. Look at the bottom of her feet, comma, amazing. Amazing. Like, who uses that adjective? She doesn't wear shoes. You would say wonderful. There's pictures. There's multiple pictures. Because Mikey uses the word wonderful now because he thinks he's reached an age where it's now appropriate. I don't know when it happened. There was one day where I didn't use the word wonderful. It was bitchin'. No, it wasn't. She's feasting on a big man with a two liter orange crush next to her. I love orange soda. 570. Unbelievable. 194.9. We got to go. Hi, Hillary. Hi, Hillary. How are you? Hillary's very confused. Yeah, that's just gross. It's gross. It's awful. It's counterintuitive. It is. I've never seen your ink. This is the first time I'm getting to see your ink. It's pretty good. Let's see it. It's cool. The flaming softball on one arm. Just get it done. What'd you do? Well, I got it done by this guy named Tim Creed who used to work at Chronic Tattoo and PB. He sang for Creed. He's awesome, right? He sings in the band Creed. But he moved. So he fell in love with a girl who lived on the East Coast and moved. So this took about six months to get it done. That's awesome. But I had to squeeze in the last few appointments before he bailed. You have a scorpion belt.
Oh, wow. It's a real scorpion on a belt. It is. This is the Ensenada special, man. I love it. Is that amber or something? No, I think it's, you know, resin. It looks like amber. Mikey, how intimidated are you by her? Not as intimidated as you are. I'm intimidated. She has a scorpion belt. I know. I've known her a while. She was that girl in high school, the older girl, that I was like a freshman. She was probably like a junior or senior. She was, like, blasting Marlboro Red. And I, like, knew all this music. And I was just like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Like, pass her. And she probably, like, knew me. She was like. hey, Woodsy, like in the hall, and I'd be like... You were the guy that went... What do you mean that still happens? Yeah, it still happens now. She walks in, you're like, hey, are you how? Oh, my gosh, I meant... She had a really cool jean jacket with, like, sex pistols, patches and stuff all over. I can't still do it. She had, like, pecs, pistols on the... Oh, forget it. Hillary, hello. Hello, Hillary. Hi, Hillary, how are you? How are... Oh.
Forget it. I'm an idiot, dude. You know that. Hi, I'm Hillary. I mean, I'm Steve. Hi, Steve. I'm Hillary. What do you got coming up today? Oh, yeah. I don't even know. Yeah. Now I got her all flustered. How the tides have turned. Kid got a little charming in his old days. Yeah. Yeah, he did. Yeah, he did. I did grab the Them Cooked Vultures record. That's about it so far. We'll see. We'll see what happens. It's a busy day. Come back tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. Do it all over again. Mikey Show's out. Late. About the music all day and night. FM 94.9. About the music.