The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 03/15/11

0:33Got my nasal rinse on this morning, so I'm feeling good. Oh, yeah. I don't like the neti pot because I feel like I have a teacup in my nose when I use the neti pot. I just feel ridiculous. And so I was finally introduced to the type that is a... It's a squeeze bottle? Squeeze bottle. Forces that water up in there. Oh, man. It makes you feel great. Like you can breathe and everything is right with the world. Do you get pool nose when you do it? Pool nose? Pool nose. Like when you dive in a pool and you take too much water and you have that weird feeling. Tingly. But within five minutes, it all clears out. Clean house. And you're all good to go. I call it surf nose where five hours later you lean over and it's like. Yep. It's flowing. But man, does it make you feel good. 5701949, what are your thoughts on sinus rinse? Just kidding. I'm kidding. Just kidding. Matt uses it, but he won't let me see him do it. Oh, I'll let Rebecca. She's seen me with a teapot. I think it's hysterical. He'll be like, leave me alone. I've never used a netty. Oh, that's great. I won't fart in front of my wife, but she can see me netty all day. I'll do it on the air. I can't believe you don't fart in front of your wife. You'll do the netty on the air. Yeah, I would videotape me doing netty. I would vomit if I saw it.

2:00You would? It's not bad. Because it would make me gag. I think it's funny. Yeah. Seeing a guy with a teapot in his nose. It should make me do it because I've never done it. If you've never done it, I could see you, you know. Yeah. Jasper loves it. Jasper? Jasper does it at eight years of age. Yeah, he does. He's like, come on, let's do this. Oh, wow. Water just running in one nose, not the other. 5701949, that's our number. I'm Mikey. I am the host of this show. I'm 40. Really overweight, really want to do something about that, really do. Do you, though? Talk yourself right into being thin. Do you want to? Because I don't really think you do. I don't think you do either. Okay, listen. You can want to win the lottery, not buy a ticket. It's true. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that's what it is. How bad do you want it, Mike? Not very bad. What if I were your personal trainer? You'd be in trouble. Oh, my God. He just wouldn't show up. Yeah. Well, B would be the death of me. Jay would be worse. Jay would be worse. He'd be like, hey, fatty. He'd leave me a voicemail. You're disgusting. Hey, tubby. I see you haven't shown up. I don't know why. I just want you to know, though, next time I see you, double. Double what I was going to do today. And today I was going to put some hurt on you. Well, I guess you're just thin enough that you don't have to come to the gym. He'd do it real mean. I'd just meet you at the McDonald's parking lot.

3:29He'd know exactly where to find you. Yeah, he'd hunt you down. I would pull up to the drive-thru and he'd jump out from behind me. Oh, look who we have here. Oh, tubby two. Oh, tubby dubby. Hey, tubby dubby. You just order a number two with a diet? With a diet. Think that's doing anything? Yeah, good thing it was diet. Tubby dub. Oh, medium fries. Well, you're fine. I had part of it right in there. Diet. Mm-hmm. Jay would install a scale on my driver's seat. Yes. Car won't start if you're not underneath the subway. Oh, my gosh. Instead of speed limit, it shows your weight. That's hilarious. Oh, wow. That would be so awful. I guess you're not driving today. I'm pinning the needle on the scale myself, my friend. You know what the worst part of it is? Clothing. Putting on a shirt. that used to be big on me. And now it's tight. My clothes still fit. I've always been able to hide my fat pretty well. My clothes aren't really that tight. But I just look in the mirror when I get out of the shower. I'm like... Disgusting. I brush my teeth. My boobs just jiggle. That make you lose weight. Throw up. Oh, boy. Wow. Woods is our sports guy. He's 35. Breast. Great rack. Yeah.

4:54Breasts. Handsome guy, though. Breasts, dude. Good looking dude. Breasts. You're a sharp cat. Lauren O'Brien is our assistant producer. She got on a pink scarf today. And she's a blondie. She's 30. And she's got a boyfriend, Matt Commerce. BFMC. Sienna's our news girl. She's 25. She's got auburn hair. She's a mom. Oh, yeah. Her husband's name is Todd. He drives a Supra. He loves it. We might get rid of it. It's 87 Supra, right? He won't get rid of it. He won't get rid of it. Yeah, he has a Tahoe now, so he never drives a Supra. He's not getting rid of it. 87 Supra. Purchased in 87? No. I believe it was like 2009. Oh, wow. Pride. Pride in the name of love. He saw that bad boy on Craigslist and just about lost him. Had to be his. Had to have it. Had to have it. I need that. I love Todd. I do too. He's the greatest. Jay is our producer. He's 47. Guess he's decided, man. He's growing the hair out. Maybe. We'll see. Kim said just a little longer. He shaved it, and now he's letting it grow out. I like it shaved. Well, that's whatever. Oh, my God. Your head. Your head. Oh, boy. That doesn't help. It's pretty far. He's got that.

6:17Sprout patch in the front. I know. I figure he rips me a new one every day. I'm going to drop the hammer, too. Go ahead. You got that sprout in the front. I know. Our phone screener today is Alan. It's Alan. It's Alan. It's Alan. You know what? Do you know what woods? I'm going to tell M1s. Hey, my screener, Jay Bird, it's not that the monitor's turned off? I do the same thing. All right. Wait till I tell you what Woods did to Jay yesterday. It's fantastic. Mikey Show, who's this? Hey, what's up, Greg? Right on. With the sinus rinse, you mean? Yeah, she's like, I can't deal with this dryness. I'm like, okay, put it in your nose. Do you want to put some in yours? I'm like, no, I don't want any of that eye drop stuff. She's like, you're a baby.

7:24That's funny. I don't want anything in my nose. Don't even ask. I don't blame you. That's all the time, you know? I think it's a, I would tell her it's a bit, her and her dry nose. It's a bit. No way. Come on. It's so, it's so dry. You got to put water up there. It's just going to dry again. Yeah. I'm like, get the humidifier out. I'm like, get the humidifier out. That's funny. It's not that dry, honey. All right, dude. Thank you, bro. Thank you, Greg. Have a good one. M1 Nubian Prince from Sarah Mesa. Hello. Good morning. How you doing? Good. How you doing? That was the best one yet. Yo, I'm not going to stress that today's my chapter interview at a corner. I was calling y'all just good luck. Good luck. Good luck, bro. Good luck. Good luck to you. Buena suerte. We hope you do well. Thank you. We love you, bro. Thank you.

8:29Hey, Jay, do you have my brother's number, Steve? Do you have his number? Oh, yes. I don't think so. We should have everybody's number. Here, let me give you it. Here, you come grab this. You say it on the air. No, I'm going to talk to him because then I feel less guilt. No, he means... Maybe I use a multi-million dollar radio station to relieve myself of guilt. No, I mean... He means just say his phone number on the air. Oh, just give it out? Yeah, it would be hysterical. It's 602. He gets a thousand calls. People just start calling him. I wonder how old he is today. I think he must be 49. Oh, my gosh. Can you believe that? My little brother Steve is 49. First of all, he ain't 49. I know it. He doesn't act 39. He doesn't act 29. That is a true story. That's true. That dude is a wild man. He is. I put on his page, happy birthday, Mr. Esperanza. It's hysterical. That guy, man. We got to wish him luck today because he's got a second interview with a... with a startup company called Apple. Just a mom and pop company just trying to get their name out there. He's interviewing with Apple? Yeah, dude. Whoa, are you jealous? Did you see LLB? She was like, that's so weird. There's another company called Apple. She got it. That's so strange. How can they do that? Isn't there copyright infringement? Okay, for like a half a second I thought that. I'll admit, LLB, I did the exact same thing. I'm like, that's weird. Yeah, you see interviewing with Apple today.

9:59Second interview. First interview, they said, you're not on the phone. They said, you're not for us. Steve is wired different than me. He got upset when they said that. So he said to her, he goes, really? I'm not for you? Do you have any other candidates that have themselves sold $30,000 worth of Apple merchandise within the last year? Because I have. Do you have anybody else that teaches a class at their Apple store? as a candidate right now? Because I do a seminar there once a month. Do you have anybody? And she literally goes, whoa. Okay. You know what? We will talk to you again. Yeah. The guy's a salesman. He's a really good salesman. She said no. If she had said no to me, I'd be like, okay. Sorry. Sorry to waste your time. Sorry. I'm a jerk. Let's see. Mikey Show. This is M1 Joshua from El Centro. Hi, Joshua. Mr. Joshua. Hello, Mr. Joshua. Good evening. What's up? Good. I just wanted to let everybody, while Lauren specifically, will appreciate this. I want to let everybody know that today work has brought me all the way out to Imperial County. Yeah. And I am still listening live.

11:21You can still get it. Oh, wow. You're getting 949 all the way out in Imperial Valley? I know what he's doing. Yeah, I did some kind of geeky, nerdy things with computers and junk. What'd you do? How'd you do it? Well, basically, I'm streaming it off of my iPod using my cell phone's portable hotspot. Oh, that's great. How cool is that? I saw a picture, I think, on your Facebook. You had it up on the dash. Yeah, I used to use my netbook to do it. Dude, that's rad. I got a new phone. That is cool. That's very cool. Where's our fudge, Josh? That's what I want to know. That kid makes the greatest fudge ever. I haven't had any yet. It's amazing. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. The next time, if I get an opportunity again to come in and sit in on the greatest morning show ever. I'll make sure I bring another tray with me. How about Friday? And what if you come into our show? It's funny because he's fat. If you come into our show, you can do the same thing. Thank you, Mr. Joshua. We love you. You mean there's other shows out there? Yeah, exactly. Thank you. No, there's not. Nope. We love you, bro. Love you. We'll see you. M1 Ninja from Mira Mesa. How are you? I'm fantastic. How are you guys? I'm good.

12:42Are you on our Facebook fan page? I sure am. And you go by M1 Ninja? I have a real name, yes. Okay, but you don't say it. No. I wonder. What? Well, because I, we've talked to you. Wonders what you look like. Yeah, we just want to know what you look like. Yeah, why don't you send us a picture and make that right. We've talked to you before. Well, we've talked to you because you're one of our better M1s and you call in and everything. Yeah. And I was like, what does Ninja look like? Yeah. I'll have to give that to you off the air. All right. Yeah, certainly. Anyhow, I was just calling to warn you guys to be aware of the Ides of March. Yeah, I just put that on my Facebook status. The what? What's the Ides of March, Ninja? Well, I used to be a classroom English teacher, and what it is is from Julius Caesar, Shakespeare's famous play. There's a famous kind of a fortune teller soothsayer that warns Caesar.

13:40to be aware of this day because this is the day where he is the trade. Oh. Great! That's one thing I can really use. Sorry, Mikey. Great. How have I never heard of this? Yeah. I thought it was in December. Superstitious. What? Yeah, so it's kind of a dual nerd day because yesterday was Pi Day. And then today is the Ides of March. Did you say yesterday was Pi Day? Yeah, P.I. I just call that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It was Cheesecake Day. Cheesecake Day. Everybody loves Pi. Cheesecake! Yeah. All right, Ninja, we love you. Thank you for calling. All right, and I'll message you guys right now. Thank you. Thank you. So here's what we've got to talk about. First of all, the Incorporator was Sienna. Sienna's doing the Incorporator today at 8. She's all nervous. She thought she was off the hook. That's the funniest part. Last time it didn't work. This time, we're going to make sure it works. Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. I forgot until just now. Word of the day today is gato. That's cat. I know that. There you go. I'm really proud of you, Mike. Gato. Gato. It's cat. So when I say that between now and 10, I'll work that into a sentence. When you hear it, you be calling out and you get a four-pack of tickets to the Nationwide Series at California Speedway. And we'll also give you some derby doll tickets.

15:01All right. Those girls are real cute and they race around on roller skates and beat each other up like the WWE. It's pretty fun. So here's the things that we have to talk about. Got to hit on the nuclear deal of what's going on in Japan. That is scary. Yeah. What about the United States? Are we ready for the same thing? Because we have nuclear reactors. You know, the Japanese prime minister talking about it. Obama talking about it. 18-game season with the NFL, something happened with that yesterday. Bon Jovi, JBJ. JBJ, there you go. JBJ is all up in Steve Jobs' grill. I'll tell you what that's all about. It's a good enemy to have. It's just so goofy to me. Like, give me a break with that guy, Jon Bon Jovi, and his logic. You ever just defend Apple, Mike? To the death? To the death. Here is the Prime Minister of Japan speaking through an interpreter about radiation from reactors. Radiation has spread from these reactors and the reading of the level seems very high. And there is still a very...

16:30high risk of further radioactive material from coming out. In the 1970s, there was a movie called The China Syndrome. Jane Fonda, Michael Douglas, Jack Lemmon. Fascinating movie based on something real. And I asked everybody here on the show off the air yesterday, have you guys ever heard of this thing called The China Syndrome? Do you know what it is? So let me read to you. From Wikipedia, what the China syndrome is. In 1971, nuclear physicist Ralph Lapp used the term China syndrome to describe the burn through of the reactor vessel, the penetration of the concrete below it, and the emergence of a mass of hot fuel into the soil below the reactor. He based his statements on the report of a task force of nuclear physicists. published in 1967. The name, the China Syndrome, refers to the idea of the nuclear material burning a hole straight through the earth from the United States to the other side of the world. Here's the scientific explanation, broken down into regular English. The China Syndrome refers to a catastrophic meltdown of a nuclear reactor, also called a, quote, loss of coolant accident.

18:00The scenario begins when something causes the coolant level in a reactor vessel to drop, like an earthquake or a tsunami, uncovering part of or all of the fuel rod assemblies. Even if the nuclear chain reaction has been stopped through use of control rods or other devices, the fuel continues to produce significant residual heat for some time. By significant, they mean hotter than anything you can imagine. If not properly cooled, the fuel assemblies will soften and melt, falling to the bottom of the reactor vessel. The temperature of the molten fuel resting on the steel floor of the reactor would increase to the point where it melts through the container and enters the ground underneath. Although many feel the radioactive sludge would stop at the subterranean aquifer level,

19:04meaning where you hit water, which occurs at varying depths depending on what region you're in, such a series of events would release tremendous amounts of radioactive material into the atmosphere, groundwater, and cause widespread damage to the environment and plant and animal life. Kick ass. Yeah, that sounds amazing. Maybe we find another way to get power. Yeah. Well, I mean... Nuclear power is a very clean power. It's a very efficient power. It's relatively cheap for what it does, but it comes with a lot of risk. And this thing happening in Japan, man, it's scary. They're saying radiation in Japan has undeniably been released. Yeah. Yesterday we talked about there being a second explosion at the... the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant. Well, there was a third explosion, which means this crisis has taken a turn for the worse. This happened earlier this morning. Dangerous levels of radiation were released from this nuclear plant. Some 140,000 about people within 19 miles of the plant were ordered to seal themselves indoors. Now, the prime minister said in a nationally televised statement. And let me pause you there because you got to think about it.

20:34Seal yourself indoors. Really? Close the door? I'll be safe. I'll be safe. I'll just shut the door. Get that window. Don't forget that little bathroom window. Put a towel across the crack underneath the door. Oh, my gosh. I know. And another 70,000 people had already been evacuated from a 12-mile radius around this complex. The prime minister seemed calm on the TV, but he's, you know. Freaked out. There's fears growing of a complete meltdown of the core of one or more of the four reactors, which would send large amounts of radiation into the atmosphere. And burning. Yeah. Through the floor of the earth. I mean, it's just terrifying. A survey had been done, actually, in the United States because we have... I don't have that story right in front of me. Yeah, well, we have one at San Onofre. Oh, yeah, there's nuclear reactors in, I believe, 31 of the states. Why can't I fail then? Okay. We have...

21:36Okay, a survey was done. Now, this is just a coincidence that this survey was just done. This was before we had known about Japan. Right. But it included 26 of the 31 states that have nuclear power plants, basically saying that we are not ready for a nuclear emergency. If this happened, we have no idea what we would do. Yeah. A large number of U.S. states are not ready to deal with major nuclear radiation events. And, I mean, that's just terrifying, especially because we have one right here. Obama on helping out. The United States will continue to offer any assistance we can as Japan recovers from multiple disasters. I know where I'm going. I'm going to Jay's house. Oh, my God. Also, if you haven't heard, the earthquake was moved up from an 8.9 in Japan to a 9.0. Oh, my God. Yeah, which basically means that it's 1.5 times stronger than initially thought. That's crazy. Making it the fourth largest in the world since 1900. Wow. Let's see. It's just so sad. Yeah, they had to move the Ronald Reagan ship.

22:43out of port or wherever it was because a bunch of the guys on board got dosed with dangerous amounts of radiation. Oh, my. They said it was about a month's worth of radiation they received in just a quick, short period of time. Oh, my gosh. Showing pictures on the TV of just them trying to rescue people and little kids, it just rips my heart out. I know. It just rips my heart out. Well, it was this time last year that there was the oil spill. Yeah. Gosh, man. And the Gulf. Hey, maybe we take a break a little bit. Chill out, world. You know what I mean? All right. In some lighter news. Oh, and later on in the show. You guys probably haven't heard this. Have you guys heard about the girl from UCLA doing the racist rant? No. Oh, yes. You will flip. I mean, listen. Jaw-dropping. No way. Oh, yeah. Like, you go, what were you thinking? Oh, no. We're doing that at... Around 6.30. 6.30. Yeah. So we'll do it. Soon. Coming up. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll do it when we come back. It's one of those deals, dude, where I'm like, stop the presses. What were you thinking, chick? Not thinking. Not thinking. And even the chancellor at UCLA, he had to respond to it. She stuck it on YouTube.

24:10She did it and then put it on there herself. Yeah. Brilliant. Brilliant. And I'm like, man, this chick goes to UCLA. I mean, I guess you could have brains, but judgment is different, you know? And it's one of those deals where you're like, you were not really thinking. So let's do this. Quick timeout. We'll come back. I'll play you her video and you'll hear what she said. It's insane. It's next. Just like Sienna's going to be woken up at 8 o'clock when she gets to do the Incorporated. Not really. I think I might go home. You're fine. You're fine. Word of the day is gato. Gato. Every day I'm like, you probably won't laugh at the word of the day today. And then every day I laugh at the word of the day. Every day. Word of the day is gato. So when you hear me say that, between now and 10, you'll win a fabulous prize by calling and being Caller 9.

26:34You really have to listen for it, though, because I try to weave it into the conversation without you noticing. Okay, so this is a girl from UCLA, and she's upset. She's upset at what's happening at UCLA right now. And here's what she said. Okay, so here at UCLA, it's finals week. So we know that I'm not the most politically correct person, so don't take this offensively. I don't mean it towards any of my friends. I mean it towards random people that I don't even know in the library. So a couple of things need to be clear immediately. I'm not friends with these people. These are people that are in the library. That I've never had a conversation with. And that I'm not friends with. Yeah. In America, we do not talk on our cell phones in the library. Every five minutes, I will be... Okay, not five minutes. Say like 15 minutes. I'll be like deep into my studying, into my political science theories and arguments and all that stuff. Getting it all down, like typing away furiously, blah, blah, blah. And then all of a sudden, when I'm about to like reach an epiphany... Get ready. Over here from somewhere. Oh! Ching-chong-ling-ling!

28:00Are you freaking kidding me? In the middle of finals week. And then it's the same thing five minutes later. But it's somebody else, you know? I swear they're going through their whole families just checking on everybody. There's nothing like a white girl from UCLA posting, oh, Ching Chong Ting Wong. From the tsunami thing. I mean, I know. Okay, that sounds... What? The tsunami thing. What? I feel bad for all the people affected by the tsunami. But if you're going to go call your address book, you might as well go outside because if something is wrong, you might really freak out if you're in the library and everybody's quiet. You seriously should go outside if you're going to do that. If you're going to find out that your relatives or somebody is dead, you're probably going to freak. And if you freak, I'm probably doing finals. Don't interrupt my epiphany. I'm in political science, okay?

29:03Brittany, okay? Hello. Don't scream like ting-tong-ting-tong at me when I'm trying to study. If I'm trying to get something done for a freaking midterm, maybe I just have some peace and quiet without ting-tong-ting-tong. Because I'll tell you this. Okay, yeah, it's sad. Okay, it's sad. That thing that is happening. The thing. The Tosami, but it's sad. The Tosami thing. It's sad. Okay, fine. Sad. I get it. Sad. Fine. Move on. But. This is America. Hello? It's America. I don't live where the Kasabi was. And I don't care. Yeah. I don't live. I'm not where the Tasami is. If I'm where the Tasami is, I'll freak. But I'm not going to freak in a freaking. Library? Not in the stacks of the library. A library. A library. A library. I'm not going to freak out in the library. In a library. I'm not. My midterms are not on Kawasaki. So I'm not going to be like, hey, it's a library. I'm going to yell Ching Chong Tang. I'm not going to be all Ching Chong Tang. Hello. Wow. I'm blown away. Freaking Tosami people. I'm blown away. Chancellor of UCLA. Oh, no. Had to respond.

30:22A video posted on YouTube this weekend making derogatory and stereotypical remarks toward a particular ethnic group has roiled our campus and caused a lot of pain. This has been a sad day for UCLA and a disappointing one for me personally. The student in the video referred to, quote, our school. The student in the video said, quote, which doesn't mean anything. Correct. The UCLA described in the video is not the university I know. The students, staff, and faculty that I speak with every day take pride in having one of the most diverse campuses in the nation. Our campus reflects the many communities of California and our world, and this greatly enriches the UCLA academic experience. I've heard from many people that they are offended and outraged over the comments that were made. Regardless of how offended I am, or you may be by this video, I hope that we can remain civil in our discourse. Please understand, most of our white girls don't speak this way. I just keep thinking about her parents. Yeah. They had to hear that. You know what's funny is her friends were probably like, I don't even know what the big deal is, Brittany. You didn't even do anything wrong. You spoke your mind and gave me a high five. Actually, make it ten. Freedom of speech. Hello. Hello. I mean, my God.

31:45I guess at UCLA there's no freedom of speech. Apparently not. And you know who's going to get the last laugh? It's you. Because you're, like, famous. Yeah. Chancellor What's-His-Name will be all, hello, I'm not famous. Yeah, he'll be like, please come back. He'll be like, no. And he'll be like, why? And he'll be like, cuz. And he'll be like, why? And he'll be like, because I don't want to. And he'll be like, okay, fine. No, I bet he'll be like, please. And he'll be like, no. And he'll be like, please. And he'll be like, no. And he'll be like, what do I have to do? And he'll be like, nothing. There's nothing you need. And he'll be like, why? And I'll be like, cuz. You made a big deal out of it. Moron. Moron. That's the best word for her. She's a moron. Justin Bieber's totally gonna call you. You guys are like the same. You guys are such rebel rousers, but in a good way. You should transfer to USC. Oh my god. These people here are such idiots.

32:36USC lets people speak their mind. Absolutely. Do whatever you want at USC. Just look at the football program. You know what? This is probably not the time to take your own personal attacks out on USC. I'm not even taking personal attacks, but didn't Reggie Bush lose his Heisman there? Maybe he did, but that doesn't mean that you have to take this opportunity to be a Notre Dame fan. I'm not even a Notre Dame fan. I know. You should go to USC. You can do whatever you want. I'm a political science major, and it's Notre Dame. Yeah, it's not your dog anyway. Actually, it's not. Actually, it is. Actually, it is. That's the one in France. In France. That's the one in France. In France. I'm talking about the one in India. Like you've ever been to France. No, I don't go to France. I don't like the French. Your parents don't even go outside of the country. Like, I want to listen to French. Oh, ha-ha, he-he, ha-ha. Oh, really? It's steady, and they're in the friggin' library. Like, ha-ha, he-he. I don't know what it would be worth if I was in there, and there was, like, some kind of Tussami in France, and people were all, oh, oui, oui, oui, oui. Like, where's my beret? And give me some french fries. I'd be like, oh my gosh, I'm trying to freaking study. Like, go eat your crepes and get out of my library.

33:43Get out of the library. Get out of the library. That's so great. M1, Brandon from downtown. Hello. Hello. Hi. Last year over at Cal Western, we just actually are doing a case on First Amendment rights for students. And I think it was more, if you go to the YouTube video and look at the comments underneath, you have people that are posting her address. her phone number or everything, she removed the video right away, and someone has saved it and reposted it. And I think it's worse that these kids are reacting, saying that they're going to go to the library and find her and knock her teeth out. Oh, wow. Yeah, see, that's bad, too. All of it's bad. You know, it's a consequence of something stupid that you did. And it's unfortunate. Nobody should react that way. You know, what did you think was going to happen? Did she really think people were going to go, hey, I totally agree with you. You're really right. Your political views are really, they're really, they're right on. They're right on and profound. And, you know, yeah, you even said right from the very beginning that, yeah, you felt sorry for the people with the tsunami. Like, really?

35:09Come on, man. Fast forward the tape, dude. Fast forward the tape. That doesn't end good. M1BigJay from OSAD. What's going on? Not too much. If I was her political science teacher, I'd plunk her out of school just for saying that tsunami thing. Yeah, I want to know what the consequence has been for her academically. I know. Like, did she get... expelled, suspended, blah, blah, blah. Right? This is going to be so big that they have to punish her. Or she'll leave. Yeah. I'd do it on the DL. Can they, though? Yeah, can they? They'll try. Yeah, because if they can her, then she can sue them for her First Amendment right. It's her right to be able to do that. And if they keep her, then it means that... They're tolerant? I just wonder if there's a conduct policy for all the students. That's it. Conduct policy. She's got to have violated a conduct policy. Something, but again. They're going to try and get her for something. They're going to get her for something. And if they don't get her for something, shouldn't she move to go to Montana State or something where nobody's going to know who she is? Change your name. It's shocking.

36:26It really is. I just wonder, did she already have a channel that people were viewing? Because how did everybody find out about this? She must put regular things up. This was her commentary of the week. It's seriously without fail. You will always see old Asian people running around this apartment complex every weekend. That's what they do. They don't teach their kids to fend for themselves. You know what they don't also teach them is their manners. Which brings me to my next point. Hi. In America, we do not talk on our cell phones in the library. Okay, so I guess there was more that I missed from the beginning. Okay, so here at UCLA, it's finals week. So we know that I'm not the most politically correct person, so don't take this offensively. I don't mean it towards any of my friends. I mean it towards random people that I don't even know in the library. Oh, God. So you guys are not the problem. The problem is...

37:23These hordes of Asian people that UCLA accepts into our school every single year, which is fine. Is it fine? Is it fine? Hordes. It sounds like you feel it's fine. Right. It's, quote, fine. It's fine. As long as it's okay by me, then obviously I get the final say. So just go ahead. It's actually not fine, but I don't know. If you're going to come to UCLA, then... Where do you think she stands on immigration, by the way? American manners. So it used to really bug me, but it doesn't bother me anymore. The irony. American manners. Yeah, I know. You're listening, by the way, to American manners. Yes. And who's better mannered than Asian people? I mean, seriously, dude. It's like in their culture and tradition to be very well mannered and polite and kind.

38:22BTW, if you're going to be in America, I should speak American. Right. Wow. Just one point I want to throw out there. All the Asian people that live in all the apartments around me, their moms and their brothers and their sisters and their grandmas and their grandpas and their cousins and everybody that they know that they brought along from Asia with them. From Asia. Well, they're Asian, so they're from Asia. This is more of an indictment, I think, on the UCLA admission policy than it is on... Yeah, how did she get in? What an idiot. An idiot. Excuse me, my dad is friends with Mike Booz. And that's how I got into UCLA. Yeah. Comes here on the weekends to do their laundry, buy their groceries, and cook their food for the week. It's seriously without fail. You will always see old Asian people running around this apartment complex every weekend. That's what they do. They don't teach their kids to fend for themselves. You know, they don't also teach them is their man. They don't also teach them is their manners. There's a there's a guy in the UCLA admissions office that's like, oh, boy, I knew she was hot. But why did I let her in? Why did I let her in? I am done. I hope it doesn't trace back to me. Who wrote her essay?

39:44Let's see. This is M1. Ambulance driver. M1 ambulance driver from Ramona. How are you? Hey, good morning, Chuck. Good morning. How are you guys? Good. I usually don't call in you guys, but it seems like maybe it's just me this morning, but you guys are being so hypersensitive on this because it just seems that if Ching Chong is the worst thing you've ever heard and you're so offended by that, it just seems like there's so many more. things for us to be offended by in this world than one girl's rant that if it is racist, it's barely on the edge of it. Hey, ambulance driver, first of all, there's a couple of things, a couple of points. I didn't even say I was offended by it. My point, which, by the way, I think it's offensive, but I'm not offended by it. I'm not Asian. You know, if she were talking about autism,

40:45I got an autistic son. I'd be offended by it. I think that if she were talking about autism and making fun of autistic people, people would find it offensive, but they may not be offended by it because they may not have an autistic kid. So I'm not offended by it. I find it, I can observe the fact that what she's saying is offensive. What I think it's a big commentary on is a massive lack of judgment. So when you say, Oh, there's things that you can get more offended by than Ching Chong Ching. Dude, you're absolutely right. I mean, like, let's say she was making fun of tsunami. Oh, wait, she was making fun of tsunami victims. So, you know, I guess you can go, well, what's worse than Ching Chong Ching? I guess being insensitive about the tsunami. She was, you know, so you're offended, too. You find it offensive too, ambulance driver. And the reason I know you find it offensive is because you have a pulse. And you may not be offended personally because you're not Asian. Maybe you didn't have anybody that you lost in the tsunami. But I think that because you have a pulse, you can recognize that it's offensive to people and a mass lack of judgment.

42:11I have no problem with the lack of judgment part on there. It just, the way you set it up before the break was like, you're going to be so taken back at what you hear. Yeah, you are. And, okay, I guess what I should have said is, what you're about to hear is such a glaring lapse of judgment, your jaw will drop. And I can understand that. I'm not saying, I'm not offended by it. It takes a lot to offend me. Ditto. I just find it crazy. It's crazy. It's moron. Insensitive. It's insensitive with what just happened. It's dumb. It's dumb. It's dumb. You're basing the whole – the insensitive and the offensive part about it is you're just taking that to the tsunami area but not to the racial area. Oh, yeah, to the racial area too. I mean, listen, you listen to it. You go, oh, wow, that's going to get somebody in trouble. That's my deal. It isn't even really what she said. It's that she said it. And I think that everybody can agree on that one. I understand that part, but in her making a Ching Chong remark, is that so much different than you guys throwing on her accent when you're making fun of her portrayal? Yes. Yeah. Yes. It is. Yeah. And the reason that I think that it's different is because when she's doing her Ching Chong Ching deal, there's a mass lack of judgment.

43:38And the lack of judgment is, well, you just, you can't, you can't say that. You may think it, but you can't say it. That's the deal. Now, me, I don't do the McNeil-Lair report here. I'm not PBS. We're comedians. Our job is to be funny, you know, and that's what we do. So every once in a while, you're going to hear me. for the sake of comedy. She's not doing a comedy sketch there. She's doing social commentary. She's doing the real deal. She's doing social commentary. She's not doing a comedic act. You know what I mean? She's not a comedian. I think it's fun that you guys are probably doing like the rest of that campus and the rest of the country that's going to view this is making it so much bigger because you're just nitpicking it apart. And it's just a girl at college who probably doesn't even know. where she's going in life or who she is in life or what she wants to stand for yet. And to be that sensitive to it, it just seems to me like way, way over time. Well, again, bro, you're saying that I'm being sensitive to it as if I'm offended by it. I'm not. This is a glaring lack of judgment. That's what it's a commentary on. That's all.

44:58It's not like I'm, oh my gosh, I can't believe that she said that about Asian people. And she didn't just say it to just her friends. She put it on YouTube for the world to see and for the world to comment on. It's not like I'm sitting here going, you know, oh my goodness, my Asian friends and I'm part Asian and I've got some, it's not even that. It's like, who does that? Listen to this dummy. That's exactly what, in my opinion, I'm like, what a dummy, you know? Think what you want, man, but don't put it on YouTube for the world to see. You set yourself up. It's a kooky thing. Yeah. Kooky. I don't think any of us are like, oh, my gosh, our delicate ears. Oh, my dear. You know, for me, when I listen to comedy, the dirtier, more offensive, the better. That's just me. But that, to me, is like, hey, you're not a comedian. You're an idiot. She's not doing comedy there. She's doing a social commentary. That's what she thinks. That's what she believes. And in defense to... people her age, ambulance driver, there are people her age that don't say those things. They may think it, they don't say it. The thing that's interesting about this clip, the thing that's jaw-dropping about this clip is the fact that she thought it was okay to say it and put it out there. On YouTube. On YouTube. That's the thing that was... For the world to see. For the world to see. That's what was...

46:19Pretty crazy about it. But, hey, man, I appreciate where you're coming from and you have every right to your opinion. And I love you, ambulance driver. And, you know, you have a right to that. All right, guys. I just wanted to put it out there. I appreciate it. Sometimes I wonder, are we really going to be this sensitive all the time? Because I don't have time for it. I wonder if you heard me. I still wonder if you heard me, honestly. I wonder if when we hang up, if you heard me, because I feel like you still didn't hear me. Now, hang on a second. Sometimes it's almost as if you got a dead guy and somebody says, this guy's dead. You go to the morgue, you poke him with a stick, he don't move, and you go, nope, he's alive. You've made up your mind the guy's alive, even though clearly he's dead. And that's what I'm trying to tell you right now. You're not hearing me, ambulance driver. I'm not offended, bro. I'm not offended. I think he just means because you portrayed it like it's this huge, shocking story and you're never going to believe this. And he's just like, this is stupid. Why are we making such a big deal about it? And I told you, I made an error. I apologize. What my tease should have been is you're about to hear a girl say some crazy ass stuff. And when you hear it, you're going to go, wow.

47:44That was crazy. What a dum-dum. Yeah, like, can't believe she said... Whether you agree with it or not, I'm not like, oh, my delicate ears. I can't believe... That's not it, bro. Yeah, there's been more racial... If you type in racist rant right now on YouTube, 10,000 videos pop up. Oh, for sure. This is just the latest. When you guys decide to pick one off the AP thing that releases stories that are making the news this morning, all we're doing is being... passing it around and the rest of the country however you want to say it is either being exposed to it and then say oh my gosh i can't believe that's happening but it's news you know it's topical yeah it's it's news it's topical and that's what we do we're a pop culture show we talk about what's happening in the news let me ask you something let me ask hey ambulance driver can i ask you a question can i ask you a question ambulance driver can i ask you a question yeah do you just not like me Depends on the morning, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, because I get the feeling you might dig the show, and you don't dig Mikey, and the breakup really got to you, and you just, you know, there's some stuff underlying here that I just kind of feel, and I don't know if that's the case. No, it's not the case at all. I just, this morning, I just felt like this is just something that I wish, not just you and you guys in general, I wish the whole...

49:13would not see this as such a big deal. I mean, I do. I see where he's coming from. Me too. There are stories that are out there that happen that I'm like... I think the fact that we are making such a big deal of this story is bringing more attention to the fact that there's racists and all of this. It's just like... But we're not making a big deal of it. Per se. We're not making a big deal. I think we're riffing and having fun with it. We're having fun. We're riffing at something that happened that was dumb. And a valley. Something that did something dumb. A dumb girl. It sounds like a valley girl. It's a voice we can all do. We can have fun with. Let me give you what you were looking for, though. I'm going to give you what you were looking for, ambulance driver, so that this would get you. This is the spirit of where you thought I was at, and this will get you. Ladies and gentlemen, I cannot believe what I have just heard. In this day and age. where we have people, a melting pot in the United States. Here is a girl that is supposed to represent the values, morals, and principles of the University of California. A University of California school. And yet, she goes on a public forum like YouTube and rails against Asians, of all people, right now, with a tsunami that has just hit Japan. It's just...

50:30So insensitive. It's so wrong. It's so terrible. It's such an awful thing against the very culture of Asians. All Asians across the world. That's what you would get mad at. I'm not saying that. I'm going, this girl's kind of a dum-dum. Yeah, she is a dum-dum. And we have more discussion that's now been provoked by it. Of course. With the call, but I don't think it's the most, it didn't make my jaw drop. It's not the most shocking thing I've ever heard. I just, I think. I agree with you, Mike. Oh, it made my jaw drop. It's the lack of judgment that she possesses. That's what made my jaw drop. The thing that made my jaw drop was like, oh my gosh. Yeah. That girl just said, ching, ching, ching. Like, are you kooks? Come on. Are you nuts? Use your head. Love you, ambulance driver. And I mean it. I'm not kidding. You better keep listening to me or I'll find you. He will. I love you, bro. I got to get this stiff to the mark.

51:26Hey, ambulance driver, you know we were looking for... I told Jay we're looking for people to interview that have really interesting jobs and one of them was transporter because we want to interview people with really crazy, wacky jobs. Can we talk to you? Not now, but at a later time? You got it. Okay, hang on, hang on. Let me put you on hold. Jay will get... Your info. Because those jobs are fascinating. Gnarly. Let's see. M1 Sabrina from Ramona, are you there? What's up? I am just in awe. First of all, let me just tell you, Mikey, you do your show the way you do your show. You cannot coddle people and conform it to everybody because that's the thing about the diversity of this world is that we all have different opinions and we're all allowed to. So you guys go ahead and you have your opinions. And you run your show the way that you want to. Yeah, but he's allowed to call in if he doesn't agree. No, absolutely, sure. And he didn't understand me, which made me feel better. I mean, it's one thing, you know, if somebody gets it. Because it really didn't sound like he was understanding what you were saying. Yeah. And I live in Ramona, so I'm driving home from work. Just got off work at 6 o'clock. I'm driving home, and I'm waiting for this jaw-dropping thing. And my jaw did drop because of that.

52:44That's what it is. It's a girl that should have never been sold a video camera. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, thank you. We're so late. We're so late. And never ask me if I'm late because that's very inappropriate. You don't do that. You don't ask a girl. You don't ask a woman. I can ask you. Are you late? Yes. You don't have cycles. Very. I don't have cycles. Are you sure? I'm positive. Mikey asked Lauren if she was late. It was really uncomfortable. Yes. Still is. Every time we bring it up, it kind of gains momentum like a big snowball. It makes it even more disgusting every time. Oh, wow. That's a harsh word, disgusting. How about repugnant? Okay. Idiot. Filthy. Spontaneously recorded my four-year-old Jake yesterday because he had some commentary about his poop. Oh, boy. And it's a doozy. Also, Gilbert Godfrey's been fired from Affleck. Because of something he tweeted about Japan. No. It's next. Thank you to M1AppleFreak. He brought us some breakfast this morning. Some bagels that tasted really good. Thank you so much. Word of the day is gato. Gato. So when you hear me weave the word gato into a sentence between now and ten, caller nine gets fabulous prizes.

54:42And Sienna's doing the Incorporator at 8. Oh. Every time you say it, I want to get sick. 48 minutes. The Mikey Show is myself. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. Lauren O'Brien is the girl sitting to my right. Sienna is to my left. Jay is our executive producer. And screening phones today is Alan. It's Alan. It's Alan. It's Alan. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Treated for serious injuries. Apparently, a panda pushed on a door that wasn't properly secured. Panda got out and actually attacked the zookeeper, bit him.

55:24And none of his information has come out, but he was rushed to the hospital with serious injuries. He's apparently doing much better now, but so scary. Pandas can be vicious. Also, I'm sure you remember the bomb house in Escondido, the man with all the explosives. Well, he pled guilty yesterday to federal charges that could land him in prison for up to 30 years. Oh, wow. Yeah. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, the he said, he said begins now in the NFL with... The lockout being official. And now guys are going back and forth. Guys from the players and guys from the NFL are now pointing fingers. Well, no, they could have done this better. Well, they should have done this. Drew Brees came out yesterday and says, I think it was all a show with no real intent to get a deal done. than to just say they made a proposal. No different than anything else they'd proposed over the last couple years, couple months, couple weeks. So you heard the NFL owners talking yesterday saying, hey, listen, we wanted a deal. We made some concessions. Kevin Mowai used to be a center for the Jets. He is now the president of the now decertified NFL Players Association said that.

56:30One of the major sticking points they will not agree to, and that's the 18-game season. They are not going to do it. It doesn't matter. They're never going to do it. As long as there is a Players Association, there will never be 18 games in the NFL. It's fine with me. I don't need it. Fine by me, too. Get your butts on the field. Get ready and go play. In fact, it's kind of a beating, 18 games. Yeah. I kind of don't want it. And, you know, at the end of the season, if your team is, you know, if they've locked up a playoff berth, great. It's going to look like a preseason game anyway. So I don't know, man. Just get on the freaking field. So they were talking yesterday. Do you know the name Drew Rosenhaus? Yeah, the agent. He was a player agent. T.O. was one of his more famous clients. Here he is talking about the situation. We as players and as a player agent would have been very pleased to keep the status quo. The owners, on the other hand, feel that it is fiscally irresponsible for them to continue that arrangement. Yeah, it's going to be. So the latest update, guys, is what I heard is in about a month, a judge is going to make a ruling on some of the legal filings by some of those players we talked about yesterday, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Drew Brees. He's going to make a statement and make a ruling. And then from there, we're going to start.

57:48They're going to continue leading up to the season as if there would be one. But we're going to wait about a month until there's any news. Let's see. This just happened. That was loud, Gilbert. Thanks, Gigi. Gilbert Godfrey's been fired from Affleck. Why, Sienna? Some inappropriate tweets that he tweeted about the tsunami, the earthquake in Japan, both of those. Would you like to know what he said? Yeah. Okay. Well, some of them have been deleted, have been removed, but one of them just said, I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, there'll be another one floating by any minute now. In another one, he wrote, I was just talking to my Japanese real estate agent. I said, is there a school in this area? She said, not now, but just wait. Oh, wow. Just stuff like that. Just insensitive. And Affleck fired him over it. Weird. Weird, weird stuff. Again, it's one of those deals where you're like, really, bro? Yeah. Fast forward the tape. It isn't going to end good. Just trying to push the envelope real good? Yeah. Just don't make jokes.

59:09There's tragedies involved. Just massive amounts of tragedy. Yeah. So yesterday, I was in my office, and the door was open to my office, and I saw Rebecca, my wife, talking to my four-year-old son, Jake, and she was doing what she usually does. She's talking in a very professional manner. Now, had I been in the same shoes, I would have laughed hysterically. But I could tell that she saw the humor in what Jake said to the point where she said, honey, start recording and ask Jake what he just told me. So I did. What were you, Bubba, what were you asking about? What were you asking mama? From the toilet paper? Does the paper, what, if I flush down the paper, the toilet paper?

1:00:14Will it go into the ocean? When you flush it? No, it won't go into the ocean. Just the water? No, the water doesn't go into the ocean either. Although the Mexicans do that in Mexico. Some of their toilet stuff does go into the water. Into the ocean? Into the ocean. It happens... Sometimes? Well, more than that. But most of the time they don't go in there? Well... That's what we'd like to think, but you never know, you know. Guess what? What? Can I talk in here? No, you cannot talk in the microphone. But I want to say, there's just one word. What? Curvy. Okay, you said it. So, what was your first question to Mommy, though, that you asked Mommy? What did you ask about your poo-poo? That looks like a chicken. You wanted to know if it looks like a chicken? One of them did. Oh, one of your poopoos looked like a chicken. Oh, my God. It was the shape of the poopoo. Okay. And you noticed that? I noticed. Did you tell Mommy? I did. What did she say? Oh. She said, oh. Yeah, you said, oh. Okay. I didn't say that. All right. Hey, Mom, is that your big checkbook?

1:01:37No, that's not a checkbook, Bob. That's a notebook. Daddy doesn't have a checkbook. You know that. If Daddy had a checkbook, we probably wouldn't live here. We'd probably live in Mexico. We'd probably live in Mexico. Daddy, would you like to write something in your notebook? Sure. Oh, my goodness. His poop looked like a chicken. Oh, my gosh. And he pointed it out to his mom. Mom, my poopoo looks like a chicken. She didn't even laugh. She was like, oh. Really? It's a great observation. And then she thought, my husband will think that that's interesting. Oh my gosh. Just like his dad doing bits in the bathroom. That's hysterical. And he's so worried about where everything's going to go. Where does the poopoo go? Oh, my God. He is fascinated. He's smart. Fascinated by that. Does it go to the ocean? Yeah. Not here, but in Mexico, oftentimes it does. It's a true statement. He goes, sometimes, that's what we'd like to think. More often than not. But more than we want it to, it does. He's such a good kid. That would have never, I would have been like, oh, flush the toilet, never even thought about it. Yeah, exactly. Now, Jake wants to be, he's concerned that it goes in there. Oh, my God. He's such a sweetheart. Yeah.

1:02:55I need my chicken. I love them. I was a little bummed that she didn't let me see it. That's disgusting. I want to know what a chicken. I wanted to. I was picturing it. I was like the chicken head, the whole chicken. Like a chicken? Like a drumstick or a wing? I was picturing the toilet. Maybe it's the McNugget. I mean, it doesn't make a lot of sense. Yeah. It's hysterical. Chicken, that's a pretty complex. Like if you said elephant, I'd be like, that's not possible. It's like a llama, Dad. More of a marsupial slash, you know. I mean, maybe he said like snake. I would have gotten it. Yes. A stick. Centipede. A stick, maybe. Yeah, a caterpillar. When I was a kid, that's what I called it, making snakes. Oh, gross. Now I just call it Mike Love. Gross. I call it... Okay. Oh, gross. So we got this email. And I want to see where you guys stand on this. It says, hey gang, I've got a pet question for you. I know how you all love those. Do all of us. My four-year-old son is staying with his grandmother in Orange County this weekend. Last night, our beloved family hamster...

1:04:27Wiggles. Died. My husband wants to just buy a new one. All caps. Smart. I think my son will know the difference. He says he won't know the difference and we're just going to get a new one anyway. So why not just spare him the pain? I feel like a bad parent lying to my son. I feel really torn. Am I overthinking this? Thanks, M1 Paisley. Well. I'm not exactly the animal guy because when I was a kid, I had a dog die and it sort of killed something in me. Scarred you? Yeah. Like Wood said to LOB this morning, do you get sad when you see animals roadkill on the side of the road? And LOB said, yeah. And I was like, I do not. Oh, I do. I don't. If I see roadkill, it's just to me, it's gross. I'm like, I always wonder what the last thing that went through that.

1:05:28squirrel's head except by the tire you know was that is so sad I do get sad though I really do I drive by and I'm like Oh, poor little bunny. I get sad. Well, if it's a bunny. Yeah. Or a squirrel. Usually it's like a stalker. If it's a dog, I'm done for the day. Oh, yeah. I've never seen that. Oh, I have. Really? I've never seen a dead dog. I've seen a dog get hit before. They're on the free wave. Go to therapy. People don't restrict them in their car and they're in the back of the truck running back and forth and they fall out. I've never seen that. That would affect me. That would hurt me. Just stop. As a kid, I had... a million hamsters growing up. And here's one thing, one problem that the dad faces in this email is that it's really hard to find a hamster that looks like the hamster you had before. They're all different colors. They have spots in all these different places like cats and dogs. You can find like they all look pretty much, you know, like a black and tan dog or an all white dog. I mean, hamsters are all different.

1:06:28You just say he changed. He changed. They don't just change. Since you've been in Orange County. Little kids. Little kids will fall for anything. Yeah, but why lie to them? Yeah, don't lie to them. They need to learn. They need to learn. Well, because if they find out you're lying, then how do they know you're not lying about other stuff? But how would they find out if you're lying? Yeah, they never found out. I mean, we had mice, and two of them died. So I said, oh, we've got to change the cage. What kids? Oh, Maddie, Liberty, and Finn. Are they finding out about this right now? No, they figured out. Maybe. I don't know Liberty. But Maddie and Finn definitely know. Sorry, Liberty. So I was shaking the cage around like they were alive. I took it outside, and when they weren't looking for a second, I was like, oh my gosh, they got out. Monster. And I threw the two dead ones out in the bushes. I was like, oh my gosh, they got away. Monster. Oh my gosh. Their mouse died. Why did you have two dead ones? I don't know. Maybe you feed them, take care of them. They get sick. No, they get sick. Yeah, they're my opportunity. Exactly. It's a good opportunity because it's going to happen later. Stuff dies. Unfortunately. So why not start young with a little hamster? I'll tell you. It's going to be five of the worst days of my life. I've never had a pet, ever. When I was a kid, never had a pet.

1:07:44Never. I don't know what it's like. And I'm 35 now and I've got five dogs. And it's going to be the five worst days of my life when something happens to them. If I could give you any advice, it would be don't go in there when they put the dog down. I did that. When I was like in fourth grade and I was in there and I watched my dog close his eyes. Are you kidding me? No. Why? Why? Because I love that dog and I wanted to be there for his last breath. You know, we all were around the table and I will never forget all of us like. I'm scared to death of those days. I'm, you know, it. I think about it all the time. But see, now Sienna's more prepared. See, but I was glad that I was there because I was like, I love you. His last words were a sight with all of us. His last bark. But we were all around him showing our love. He knew he was love. He's like, I'm fine. Let me go for a walk. No, no, you're not going to make it. Oh, no, Jay. Billy, I'm so sorry, but Wiggles has passed on to the next.

1:08:51Where'd he go? He went to hamster. Where's that? Where's my hamster? I just went to grandma's. What'd you do? I didn't do anything. Didn't you? Didn't I? Do you love Wiggles? I don't, but you do. And that's why we're having this talk. I gotta be honest, darling. I think you can be a little more gentle than that. Okay. I hated that frickin' hamster, but I love you. I know, because Daddy, you used to kick him sometimes. I didn't kick him, you little arrogant. You used to squeeze the sides of him. You used to squeeze him. You used to squeeze the sides of him. Daddy, I didn't touch him. I want to squeeze him. His eyes pop out. You probably ruptured something. I didn't touch that stupid, filthy animal. What did you do to my hamster? To Wiggles? Yes. I didn't do anything to him. Believe it or not, he didn't do anything. I didn't, Tommy, Billy, whatever. Listen to me, son. I'm listening. When he died. It was the first time I touched him. I flushed it right down the toilet. We buried him in the backyard. Honey, that's a lie. I flushed him right down the toilet. I didn't know that he did that. It was too late by the time I knew he did that. Well, why would we not? What are we going to do? We would bury him. With a headstone?

1:10:10We're going to get a little miniature headstone. We're going to put a little cross down. Is now the time for jokes, Dad? No, it isn't. After you murdered my hamster. I didn't murder the hamster. I'm starting to wonder, Billy. I'm starting to wonder. I am too, Mom. Maybe you feed Wiggles every once in a while. I was at Grandma's in Orange County. It was your job. Yeah. You didn't take the wheel out. Oh, my job. I left you in charge. It's my job. You know when you and Mom like to leave for a couple weeks during the summer and you go on a cruise? You leave me with Grandma. Yeah. Right. It's her job to feed me. If you came back and I was dead because I wasn't fed, wouldn't you yell at Grandma? Yeah. And then I'd have Grandma flush you right down the toilet. Unbelievable. I think you need to teach the little kid that it's part of life. It's part of life. Hey, Billy. Yeah. Part of life. Get over it. In a nice way. Stop it, Mike. Billy, Billy, Billy. It's part of life. Okay. Can I get a new one? You don't say get over it. You take all the time you need, sweetheart. I want a new one, though. I definitely want a new one. You get a new one.

1:11:08Yeah, I want a new one. You get a new one. Wait, wait. Slow down. Let's grieve this guy. Let's grieve Wiggles. You ain't getting no new one. They cost $45. You ain't getting no new one. You get a used one, maybe. You get a used one. A used one. My hamster, one of mine, when I was little, got out. And we were looking all over the house for it. And my dad lifted up the half of the couch to see if it was under there. And I would climb down and said, no, it's not under here. My dad put the couch down. Smushed the hamster that ran out like a pancake. Oh. I saw it. My dad was listening to this probably on the air just going, she's going to bring it up. She's going to bring it up. And my poor dad was like. Broke his back. You ever just murder hamsters, Keith Richards? Real good. I was like. Hamster murder. Hamster murder. I knew it. He felt so bad. I knew it. Keith. He felt so bad. He's still to this day. Murderer. Kids get over it though. It'll be fine. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm not going to get over it. Full hamster, maybe. We'll take your calls. We'll do some fun stuff. Don't go away. Hey, don't get me wrong. I like it. I just think it's a little on the WT side. This is the best song ever. I'm so surprised that you don't like it. I just said, it isn't that I don't. Well, that you don't love it. It isn't that I don't. It's just that what she's saying is rather... It's life. Listen to this. It's what happens. No, I get that.

1:13:21It's when she goes into... I get it. We've all been there. See, listen to what she says next. He's going through a rough time, throwing back a couple drinks. Don't tell me you haven't been there. Oh, I've been there. I went to Betty Ford. Exactly. Here, I'll give you the... Woods, you get your guitar. Can you play that song? Oh, gosh. Woods just sings it. This is how it should sound. It should sound like this. Bags of old Doritos scattered all around the porch. Oh my gosh. Reaching for the bonkers. I'll have to work till four. And I wonder if I'll take my bale this time. Oh my gosh. Maybe I'll just drink this box of wine. It's a quarter of...

1:15:02Oh, you poor thing. Oh, my gosh. Sorry, Swiss. Oh, wow. What was the first, like, Dorito packs on the porch? Dorito packs are on the porch. Oh, wow. My pa. Hey, baby. Baby. I'm calling because I just had some whiskey. I just had some whiskey, man. I miss you. Freaking B. Listen, let's just stop it. Stop it. You quit being like that and I'll quit being like that. I miss you. I know.

1:15:56I know you have a restraining order. This is about love, baby. Leave me alone. Love don't have no straining orders. Stop calling me. Love don't have no straining orders. Baby, please come make me a ham sandwich. Please. I love you so much, baby. I ain't gonna punch the walls no more. I know it scares you. It's an accident. I'm passionate. It's not an accident. I'm passionate. No, I have three holes in one wall. I told you my cousin does carpentry. Well, you haven't fixed it. I ain't got no money, baby. Stop calling. No! Leave me alone. Your breath stinks. Baby, I'm just standing here with a Confederate flag wrapped around my nude body. And that's all I got. That's all I am. It's a quarter after one. I just found my gun and it's peeking out. Through the American flag. I got around my waist. Open up, baby! Open the door! Open the door! You gonna get off my Porsche? I'm gonna use a firework. Get y'all. What are you gonna use a firework?

1:17:20I'm going to use a dingleberry firework, get you off my Porsche. I'll light it right under you. What the hell's that, baby? Dingleberry firework. You want to find out? Billy Bob brought them over last week. Hell yeah, I want to find out what a dingleberry firework is. You want to find out? Hell yeah, I'm going to use it. All right, you stand still. Ain't nothing happening. Let me in. I got some hoosker do's, hoosker don'ts. Let's make love, baby. Come on. Open the door. I said I'm sorry. You made plenty of love with my sister. Oh. It's her fault. Got me drunk. She did. Fed me catfish. Oh. Son of a bitch. She didn't tell you that, did she? She make a good catfish. She didn't tell you she made me catfish. She didn't tell me that, no. Yeah, she got me drunk, too. Pabst Blue Ribbon. What'd she give you? Pabst Blue Ribbon. Oh. Catfish. Oh, shoot. Open the door, baby. Let's make love. I didn't know all that. Let's kiss and make out. I'm sick of this. Play, baby. Play Blady on the Babylon. Baby! Listen, I got my boombox. Okay. I'm playing my baby band of Babylon for you, baby. I love you so much. I told you I'd get a vasectomy if you let me in.

1:18:47Don't get it. I want more of your babies. You want more of my babies, baby? I want more of your babies. I want all your babies. I done already gives you six. I'll give you another baby. Baby, I don't want you to ruin your figure. Don't worry about me. For the lake. I'll be looking fine. We going to the lake this summer, baby. Heck yeah. You going to wear that confederate bikini? Yeah, if it still fits me, I done stretched out my belly. Smells like coconut. Makes me harness. Ew. So disgusting. You know how I get when I smell coconuts, baby. I love how you get. Open this door! This song is so not up that alley. Yeah, it's not. It's like the opposite. It's right up that alley. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. It's classy. It's...

1:19:49Classy. It's gorgeous. They're sad. Poetic. 570-1949. This is going to be interesting. M1 Tori from Oceanside. Hi. Hey, how you doing? Oh, I thought it was Tori a girl. It's Tori a guy. Is it pronounced Tori? Yeah, it's Tori. Okay. Yeah. Yeah? Okay, look here. Do you guys think it's weird? My Asian buddy, his name is Chang. He's like throwing this huge St. Paddy's Day party. Yeah? I know everybody can celebrate it, but he's making such a big deal about it like it's some Asian or something. Is this the girl from UCLA? What do you guys think about it? I don't know, right? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Your Asian friend. Yeah? And he's making a big deal about this St. Paddy's Day party that he's got coming up. And like I said, I know that everybody can celebrate it, but he's just going really crazy. So he's definitely not Irish.

1:20:59No. I mean, do you guys think it's weird? Oh, no. I had a Cinco de Mayo party. I'm so confused right now. I'm so confused right now. Weird as what? Weird because he's Asian? Yeah. I mean, like, I have never known of any, you know, like, any other ethnicity. Like, to really go, like, you know, like... What is your ethnicity? I'm Dominican, actually. Hello, boo. Yeah, hello, boo. Okay, you're Dominican. Would it be weird if you had a St. Paddy's Day party and made a big deal? I've been to a couple St. Paddy's Day parties, but I've never done one myself. And you think it would be weird if you did because you're Dominican? Yeah, I think it would be. Do you think you have to be Irish to have a St. Paddy's Day party? It would be more appropriate for someone like me with the last name of Brian. Right, right, right.

1:22:01I mean, he's just, I mean, he's like just been, I know he wants to invite all his friends and everything, but it's just like, you know, I'm asking him, I'm like, man, are you like Irish? Are you half Irish? You know, because it's like, he's so into it. He's freaking out about it. Okay. If Sienna had, Sienna, if you, so if Sienna. I'm Irish. You're Irish. Yeah, I can do it. White girl. So if, wait, wait, wait, wait. What if Sienna wants to have a Cinco de Mayo party and she makes a big deal out of it? She's white. Is that weird? You know, when I, you know, I. I don't know. I can't answer that. Well, then why is it weird? I'm not as great as a Cinco de Mayo, but I've got Mexican friends and I've gone and hang out with them. I had a Cinco de Mayo party and made fun of myself for being a white girl having a Cinco de Mayo party. Why? You did?

1:22:52Yeah, because I don't even know what the holiday even stands for. It's just an excuse to really get together and party. Isn't that what St. Paddy's is? Yeah, who knows what St. Paddy's day is for? He freed the snakes. Yeah, he drove the snakes out of Ireland. He freed the snakes. Well, you got them out. You're supposed to put on green, and then you go pound green beers all day and get beads and hang out. We're not really celebrating St. Patrick, the actual saint. We're actually like... Okay, so wait a minute. Lauren is Irish and Polish, but her last name is O'Brien. And so she felt a little strange having a Cinco de Mayo party because she's a white girl. So this is a new concept for me. Me too. I'll be honest with you. So are you telling me I'll be? And if I had a St. Patrick's Day party and I made a big deal out of it. it would be kind of weird. No, but I just thought it lended itself to the humor that... The irony? Yeah, for me, because I don't even know what Cinco de Mayo really even stands for. You don't have to Cinco de Mayo me.

1:23:58You really did some Cinco de Mayo to emphasize how white you are right there. You could have said Cinco de Mayo, but you went Cinco de Mayo. I think it's just my New Jersey accent coming out. In Mikey's defense, his Cinco de Mayo parties are legendary. There is no question about it. I've never had a Cinco de Mayo. You're the only one that can throw one. I can't speak Spanish. I'm full Mexican. I can't speak Spanish. I just said in my invite, like, I don't even know what it means, but let's have some margaritas. Everybody's calling right now to say he's right and it's weird to have a party that isn't your nationality. That's what people are calling to say. M1 Riches from Sereno Valley, are you there? And you think it's weird? I do. I don't understand why people have Cinco de Mayo parties because we're not Mexico. I understand people just want to party. And that's what it's all about is just partying. It's not like you're celebrating the holiday or anything. You're just partying. It's just a reason for you to drink. And I honestly think it's odd that somebody Asian would be having a St. Patrick's Day party. I would never have a Cinco de Mayo party. I would never have a St. Patrick's Day party. I don't even know what kind of party I would have. Yeah, I don't think you need to be that. Who cares? You're just having a party. You need to be that nationality?

1:25:21I think it really is just an excuse to have a party. Call a spade a spade. That's what I did. Yeah. It's just an excuse to have a party, but I personally would not throw one. I just... That's... I would not cross my mind to not go to Woods' Cinco de Mayo party. Or think it's weird that Woods would have a Cinco de Mayo party. I don't think it's weird either. It's a party. I think the Asian guy that's having the St. Paddy's Day party, he just wants to have a kick-ass party. That's why he's freaking out about it. He wants a lot of girls there. He wants his boys there. He wants to have plenty of food and booze and everybody to blow it out and have a good time. I never considered for a second that if I had a St. Paddy's Day party, people would be like, What does this brownie think he's doing? Brownie? I don't think anyone would say that. He's a Mexican. He's the Esperanza O'Brien. I would have just assumed that it was Rebecca that was throwing the party. No, just kidding. Because I got a whitey wife. But none of us would question it. Okay, so I don't know if Woods is Irish or not. I got Scottish and Irish. Okay, so you're white, so no one would question it. But everyone that's calling in is saying because...

1:26:24Mr. Chang is not Irish? Yes. I think it's just Chang. But what if Mr. Wood isn't Irish? You don't have to Mr. Chang me. Listen. I've never met someone with a first name Chang. I was assuming his last name was Chang. Mr. Chang. It's Chang Lee. Oh, okay. Well then, sorry. Mr. Lee. So his first name is Chang. Yeah, his first name is Chang. And his last name is Lee. He goes by Chad. My bad. He goes by Chad. Does he even have an Asian... accent or does he speak like is he Asian American? He's from Asia. This is the girl from UCLA. Yeah, he has an accent though and I just think it's, I don't know, maybe he's just like really, you know, like into it, you know, just Hey, let's have a good party. Oh my gosh. Just go to his party and have fun. You guys, we might rouse Mike. I mean, they're friends, so I could see him rousing him just being like, easy. Yeah. Like Chang O'Leary or something. Easy Guinness. You know what I mean? He's going to pull him aside and go, listen, man, you cannot have this party. No. It cannot happen. Can't go down. Do you understand this? Not so good now. Quit poke. Listen, if you have this party.

1:27:39there is going to be violent protests and riots that erupt. Repercussions. There will be drastic repercussions. Tori, are you saying this in good fun, I hope? It's going to be fun, but I'm going to take a lot of video and what I'm going to do, I'm going to send it to you guys. You're going to see all these Asian chicks and Asian guys or whatever. And one Dominican. And a Dominican. And a Dominican. All drinking Jamesons and Guinness and having a good time. Sounds like fun. Sounds fun. Maybe invite us. Yeah. As Americans, we're all adapting an Irish holiday anyway. Right. Hello. Is it weird if I go to a St. Patrick's Day party? I mean, I have a little Irish in me, but I'm not, you know, Tom O'Leary. Is it weird if you do? Is it weird that we have St. Patrick's Day in the United States of America? Right. You know what I mean? Hey, thank you, Tori. Well, thanks a lot, guys. Thanks. He's cracking up the whole time. It's all in good fun. I think he's just, you know.

1:28:37Just rousing his friend. He's breaking his balls for having the party. What are you talking about, Willis? That him! M1 Petrie from Chula Vista. Hey, morning, Mikey. Morning. How are you guys doing this morning? Good. Well, I just wanted to ask you, do you guys think it would be weird for an Irish guy to throw a party for Chinese New Year? Yes. See, Mike! You know why? You know why? Because we don't celebrate Chinese New Year. Some people do here. Chinese people. Yeah, Chinese people. In elementary school, we would do a dragon and go around. In elementary school? Yeah. Yeah, because we're learning about it. But we did it every year. Okay, but when is Chinese New Year? I don't know. Of course you don't. Because we don't celebrate it. But we do celebrate St. Patrick's Day here. Let's have the most kick-ass Chinese New Year party weekend. Oh, we did? Yeah, it's January. See? I don't know if it's January. It is January. It is. It's New Year. I actually said a news story the day it was. I said, oh, by the way. So that would be weird because no one really does. No one knows when it is. St. Patrick's Day is celebrating. I'm the year of the monkey. I know that. Okay. You know what? Okay. All right. Hello?

1:29:47M1 Sarah? Hey, how's it going? How are you? Where is Halmage? That's where you're from. Where's Halmage? Halmage is like in between normal heights and like city heights. Got it. Okay. So I lived in Mexico for four years in Rosarito, and nobody that lives there... does anything for Cinco de Mayo. Yeah, it's not a big player in Mexico. Exactly. We just do it to drink. We do. It's drinking on a Tuesday or whatever it may fall on. There you go. Tourists would come down and they'd be like, have Cinco de Mayo party. And all the people that live there are like, okay. All right. There you go. Thank you for the call. I appreciate it. Let's see. This is M1 Hemp Messiah from Oceanside. Are you there? Yeah, I'm here. What's going on? Not much. How are you guys doing? Good. Yeah, I just had a quick question for you. You know, I heard earlier that you have a kid that has autism. And I've just been looking online, and I've seen that cannabis is used as a treatment for it. And I know there's like a stigma just even asking the question, you know, like a kid smoking weed or whatnot. But it's like dose-related, and it looks like it's a good alternative. And I just wanted to hear your thoughts on that.

1:31:07Well, yeah, it's interesting. We're thinking about getting a bong for Jake. He's four. And, you know, of course, it's going to have to be smaller to fit his tiny little hands. You know, it's hard to get your hands around a normal-sized bong. I can make him one. Yeah, so, of course, it would have to be a small bong. I mean, it's all cookies and butter and stuff like that. You know, it's not anything like that. They have it in all kinds of stuff. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I think we're going to explore some other avenues of treatment. I mean, it's also useful. It's like ADD. It's like, I mean, I'm just saying, you know, it's like, it's a good choice out there. Is this Caesar? Is this Caesar? Is this, it's Caesar. Caesar. I love this guy. I have not heard your voice. I have not heard your voice for over a year. How I've missed you, my friend. You know, this was a serious question, but if you want to joke about it. Well, I do. But listen, we're not going to, we're going to try other methods, Cesar, for Jake besides the weed route. We're going to wait the weed route out. You know what I mean? Yeah, what I'm saying is kids killing for ADD. I'm just wondering what he takes for autism, if it's, you know, if the side effects are worse or, you know. Yeah, he didn't take any medicine. Right.

1:32:30He didn't take any medicine. I don't know. Well, yeah, I'm not an expert at that. I'm just saying, you know, kids that have ADD take, like, legal crystal meth, and I'm saying I'm sure, you know, smoking weed would be better than crystal meth or something like that. That's a great point. Now, for those of you that don't know and are not familiar with Cesar, Cesar's a good guy, okay? He's got good intentions. He will say some sensational things. Let's put it that way. I used to have a sound effect for when Cesar would call. Caesar, do you remember what it was? First time called. It was the sound of a car starting, peeling out, then violently crashing. Because every time Caesar called, it was a train wreck or a car wreck. I mean, he will say things that just sort of, you know, do one of those. You on drugs. But. Well, if it's above your head, you know, then.

1:33:30That's your generic, not mine. I understand. No, I understand. I understand. All I will say is welcome back, and I want to hear from you more. And I love you. Always have, always will. Can I have a question? Yeah. Why do people that smoke a lot of pot and are really into pot always have to convert you or tell you the benefits and merits of pot? You don't hear alcoholics like, hey. That cocaine and that alcohol, that tastes really good at the end of the day. Like, they're not trying to extol the... Because they believe it's beneficial. You guys are really not on drugs, bro. I was just talking about how, you know, you need a reason to drink like every blue moon, you know? No, no, we were talking about an Asian guy having a St. Paddy's Day party, not a cure for autism. Yeah. I mean, you're saying that everyone needs just an excuse to just drink. That's like, you know, you're always talking about, you know, promoting the drinking part, you know, of things. Because it's a culture, it's an accepted thing in culture. Sure.

1:34:32Sure, yeah, it is. And pot is accepted in other countries, and it's legal in some circumstances here. And Cesar, when you say that we're... Cesar. I'm talking about kids. Kids are giving Ritalin. You know what Ritalin is? Oh, yeah, it's speed. I know exactly what Ritalin is. I had ADD my whole life. Probably still do. I'm not trying to convert anyone. I'm just trying to... No, it's not against you. Hey, listen, you're not the only... You're not the only guy that's ever said, man. Pot can do this, this, this, this, this, this, this. You know what? I smoke pot. I want to crash my car. I want to hide under the covers and eat Doritos. That's what happens to me when I smoke pot. There's no benefit for me to getting high. You're getting the wrong stuff. To me, apparently. What is going on right now? I hide in the closet and I'm like, I hate it. I hate it. We were just talking about St. Patrick's. I know. I know. We took a left turn. We took a left turn. But, you know, what's good for one isn't always good for the other. Now, I wouldn't want my four-year-old kid eating pot butter or pot brownie. Yeah. But hey, Cesar, you're welcome to your opinion. Absolutely. I just wanted to listen to yours, but all I heard was a bunch of jokes. That's what I called in to hear. I wanted to hear your honest opinion about kids with things like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My honest opinion is that there are treatments available for autism that I think that you should try before...

1:36:00The thing is, as long as they're safe, you know, because this looks... Yeah, yeah, yeah, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro. It's not drugs. It's not drugs. No, I mean, for everything else, not just autism, sir. Okay, we love you. For everything else. Okay, Cesar. All right, see you. See ya. I love Cesar. That's brilliant. I love Cesar. He's passionate about his stuff. He's a passionate guy. He must have a big stash at all. He's a passionate guy. Yeah, for sure. I would actually venture to guess that he doesn't even smoke pot. G-I-T? That's the way he sounds. He's just behind it. Yeah, it kind of seems like that. Bring me a Dr. Clown shoot. Sienna's going to do the Incorporator next. Oh, wow. M-I-R-U. M1 Lights texted in, and I appreciate Lights. I think it's a nice thing. It didn't offend me. M1 Light says, really with this guy, did he really wonder what Mike's take on giving cannabis to a four-year-old was going to be? What a jackhole. He makes me want to punch my radio right in the face. M1 Light. Listen, it's not offensive to me that somebody would ask, what's your take on giving kids with autism pot? If he made fun of kids with autism, that's a different story. That's not cool.

1:37:49But asking what I think about giving weed to a four-year-old with autism, I got an answer. It's ridiculous. And hasn't he been listening long enough to know what your answer would be? That's what M1 Light is trying to say. Hey, Mikey. Yeah. It's me, Pothead Billy. Hi, Pothead Billy. Did you know that if you get a flat tire, that marijuana can fix it? This is the thing, Pothead Billy. What? It seems to me, because you like pot. Because your name's Podhead Billy. Allegedly. Allegedly. It's just weird to me. Did you know that if you break a guitar string, marijuana will fix your guitar? Did you know this? It will calm you down for the... Yeah. Did you know? Rationally. Did you know, Mike, if you need to paint a house, you can grind up marijuana and use it for house paint. It has several million billion uses. They do use hemp. Thank you, Lauren. Thank you. It tastes good. It's natural. Hey, did you know, bro, that if you can't eat hot chili because it burns your mouth, you can smoke weed. I knew it. Of course I did. Do you know that... It helps. It makes everything taste good. It makes everything better. Do you know this entire radio station in which you sit was founded on marijuana? It's built out of marijuana. Did you know our country was founded on marijuana? Oh, yeah.

1:39:13Thank you very much, and I'm done for the day. This was Pothead Billy. I'm when Eric Terman texted in to say, wow, I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. What a morning. Yeah, agreed. Me too, Eric Terman. Agreed. Hey, this is just my time. I wish every day were a carbon copy of this day. I feel like I'm in a tornado. I feel like I'm being a D today, and I really don't care. I don't think you're being a D. I feel like I am, but I don't care. No, you're not. I'm entitled every now and then to be a D. You're not being mean. I feel like I'm being mean to listeners, but like making fun of them a little bit. But I don't want to. But, you know, I'm going to battle back when I see an opening. Did you think that that guy was mean? I think he was doing. I think he was trying to get a rise out of you. And I think that's kind of a D thing to do. And I felt like calling him on. I don't think he was at all. I think he was just trying to prove a point. Yeah. Give four-year-olds pot. That's a great point to me. His point was. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Even if. Somebody calls to get a rise out of me, it's my fault if they're able to get a rise out of me. Sure. If somebody calls and says something awful about kids with autism, all they're going to do is hurt my feelings. Right. But getting a rise out of me. Well, I like getting a rise out of me. So would. What? If it was indeed proven that a derivative of hemp or marijuana helped kids with ADD, you wouldn't be okay with giving it to them?

1:40:38How would you prove it? Would there be side effects? I'm just saying it's scientifically proven. To listen to the potheads, it's already been proven. How do they prove Ritalin works? It's a chemical. To listen to the potheads, it's already been proven. Prove it to me and then I'll listen. It's kind of like saying, hey, if they could scientifically prove that penicillin will stop an infection, well, it has been proven. Right. That's what EJ is saying hypothetically. Yeah. You're just building the case. Dude, I'm not building the case. But that would be like me saying, hey, you know what? You're giving these kids Ritalin. They have ADD. You're giving them Ritalin, which is in effect speed. I don't trust Merck to make the speed. I'm going to get my speed from Columbia. And I'm going to give my kid cocaine because that's going to be better for him for his ADD. I want to make sure he has the good stuff. It just doesn't make sense. Use your head when you call and know, no, we're not going to give our kid pot at four years old. He may believe that something that's derived from a plant is better than the chemically produced speed that they're making at Merck. But what I'm saying is, in that case of autism, Jake doesn't take any medication. He knows how Mikey stands, but some people would believe, yeah, why wouldn't I give my kid a plant before I'd give them this drug that was produced at a plant?

1:41:55think that it's so insane that somebody would get their four-year-old stoned because they think it would help them. It wouldn't be stoned. How would it be? You'd make it in butter or whatever. Yeah, and it would be doing the same thing that... I mean, I don't know exactly what kind of medicine. I didn't even know there was medicine available for autistic kids, to be honest with you. You guys know what else comes? Guys, as far as I know, there's not. You know what else comes from a plant? Heroin comes from a poppy. Cocaine comes from a coca leaf. I mean, it's from a plant. It's not raw, though. There's treatments that are done to it. There's no treatments done for marijuana? It's grown. Well, and maybe I take this for granted sometimes. Any person that would hear, I've heard. that giving pot to autistic kids helps, if they just heard that and decided to bake some pot brownies and give it to their autistic kid, that's the stupidest, most moronic thing I've ever heard in my life. I would only do it if there was some sort of proven research and there was studies and side effects. Doctors backing it up. Yeah, if somebody said, hey, Woods, here's a hemp pill and you'll shed 30 pounds and it's legal, done. Tomorrow, done. Done. I'll be...

1:43:07Just feasting on it. What was that noise? That's what it sounds like when you feast on candles. That's how I feast. Lastly, this text says, potheads always try to get you to smoke pot for all your ailments. It's magnificent to behold. This is great. M1 Lush. Yes, M1 Lush is pretty. Yes. Woods and Jay and I have said that M1 Lush is pretty. Yes, M1 Bookworm is pretty. Yes, M1 Bookworm is pretty. We've said M1 Bookworm is pretty. We're allowed to think people are pretty. Yes. Yeah. Okay. I don't think you want to continue this conversation. We're zero. Should we get zero in here? Take a shirt off again? Go for it. Yeah. You ladies. I don't think you want to finish this conversation. Yeah, you are treading in dangerous water. I'm not either. This is dangerous water. I'm not either.

1:44:11It's quicksand with crocodiles in it, as a matter of fact. It is night and day. Yeah. Double standard. Double standard. Super. A man makes an observation. Different. Creep. Creep. Disgusting, perverted creep. You guys make observations on the air all the time. What are you talking about? All the time. If Lauren and I say a guy is cute, or they're like, ooh, he's hot, we'll say it on the air. You guys. You say it off the air. Well, yeah, but we'll say the same thing on the air for our boyfriend and husband to hear. Okay, but you recognize. Dangerous water. Your husband's. Dangerous water. Real dangerous, my friend. I wouldn't even compare. I have a memory like an elephant. That's true. This is so true. I will start cataloging things that you didn't even remember. 100%. I don't say anything creepy. You don't. Well, that you. You girls will make it that it's creepy. Sure. No, I don't think so. It's a true fact. Okay. I'm getting real quiet in here. Yep. Sienna, don't try to get out of the Incorporator. Oh, I know it's coming. I know. Yes! I believe you will do great. I do care. Thank you. I do care. I believe I might throw up. 570-1949. We need people to call right now with words. 570-1949.

1:45:32Call with everyday words. Don't call with weird words. Just all we need is eight words. You got to leave. Yeah. Yeah. Alan is going to get the words. Don't get her fired up. She's here out of the room. She's so, she's so nervous. Yeah. Maybe. So what we're going to do is right now, Alan, Alan is getting words. He's going to get eight words. And we're calling a donut shop. Woods. Woods just calls it the shop. Yeah, the shop. She's called the store. The everyday shop. Babe, I'm going to the store. Get me an eclair. So we're going to call this donut shop. You're going to call us with eight words. And I'm going to feed those words to Sienna. And she's got to incorporate them into a conversation. It's her first time, Mike. With Betty's donut shop. This is her first time.

1:46:41It is. She's really nervous. She is. I'm nervous for her. She's going to do great. She'll be fine. When you're under pressure, you do better. Some. Yeah. Some do. Yeah. Chargers, not so much. Alex Rodriguez, not so much. It happens. Hey, I'm telling you, some guys fold. Am I wrong or am I right? I'm right. I can't go out there in the field and play for these guys. Why? All I can do is coach them up the best I can. It's true. Well, they seem to have a knack for blowing some big games from time to time. Doesn't have anything to do with me, does it? Obviously not. It's a way to take the heat for your guys. Doesn't have a thing to do with me. I'll tell you whose fault it is. Offensive line. It's their fault. Just call them right out. All right. It's a little bit of the defensive back's fault, too. Quentin Jammer. Gets burned a lot. Gets burned a lot. Special teams. Why did you tell me off the air that you nicknamed Quentin Jammer Toast? Why did you tell me that? Because he gets burnt all the time. You shouldn't do that, though. You're the head coach. You've got to take the heat. Well, in fairness to me, Norv Turner, I also nicknamed him Penalty Head. Are you four years old? Very clever. You don't think Penalty Head is clever? I think it's like what a four-year-old would call somebody that got a lot of penalties. Penalty Head. Sometimes when I rotate the dime defense in and he comes off the field, I go, hey, Penalty Head, good job.

1:48:09Maybe you get another penalty out there. You just look different than you did at UT. I'm sure Sienna's getting very nervous right now. It's night and day. It's night and day. It's night and day. It's night and day never ends. Oh, my gosh. There's 150 words here. Just pick the ones you like. Oh, wow. Muck luck? Come on, dude. God, how many times? I'm curious to these people. And this is good, right? No? This is not good. Let me see what he says no to. I'm only the incorporated. Yeah, and you complain every time. Do I? That's the words. Got them? Yep. Yep, perfect. All right. Tell Sienna to come in. Dude, those are hard. These are hard, right? For where she's calling, those are real tough. Oh, yeah. All right, Sienna. Are you ready? We give you the first word. All right? Always give you the first word. I'm going to throw up. Now, listen.

1:49:26The person that we're calling. Stop laughing. The person that we're calling can hear Sienna, but they can't hear me feeding her the words. My heart is going to come out of my chest. Let me check it out. Stop. Creep. Sienna, are you ready for the first word? What are we calling? We're calling a donut shop. I'm going to take a sip of water. Betty's Donut Shop. You're going to do great. Okay. It's a donut shop. You're overthinking it. I know. Don't overthink it. Okay, donuts. I'd stand up. You want the first word? Yeah. First word is from M1 Hector, and it's woodpecker. Oh, I forgot. We give the words to everybody. You got to go out one more time. Just for a second. She looks like she's going to. Sorry. I have to give. I know. I'm all thrown off because you're doing it instead of woods. Okay, let me give the audience the words that she's got to work in. These are the words. Woodpecker, toe jam, tamales, reggae.

1:50:26Corn on the Cob, Renegade, Pool Guy, and Rottweiler. Dude. Good words. I just sat here and I went, uh-uh. I'd be like, I would choke. She's going to be good. Okay. I would choke. Let her in. She's going to be good. I would choke. No, you wouldn't. First word is woodpecker. Here we go, Sienna. Let's give him a call. Can you hear Sienna now? Yes, hi. My name is Sienna, and I was calling because I have a couple questions. It's my friend Woods' birthday, and he loves donuts like a woodpecker loves wood. You know what I mean? Loves them. Told you.

1:51:33And so it's his birthday coming up and I work with him and this guy, he's disgusting. I mean, the other day he was picking up his toe jam. So this is really going to just make him so excited if I just bring in a whole box of donuts for his birthday. He really especially loves eclairs. Well, we have eclairs. We can totally do that for you. What were you thinking you would like specifically? Do you have, like, vanilla-filled eclairs? Because he loves those like my boss Mikey loves tamales, I tell you. You have vanilla? Yeah, we have some vanilla cream-filled eclairs. We have vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate-filled eclairs. Oh, my gosh. I should get all three of those. Maybe pick up a reggae CD. The guy loves smoking weed, and he loves listening to reggae. So do you have sprinkle donuts? We have a couple of different kinds. We have ones with, like, patriotic colors, and then we have some regular, like, chocolate sprinkles, you know, vanilla sprinkles, the multicolored rainbow sprinkles. I love sprinkles.

1:52:42I also love Corn of the Cobb because I was just finishing it and I was thinking donuts would be really good for dessert. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've been listening to renegade myself and smoking a little weed. I can't stop laughing. That's no problem. I'm quite the renegade these days. Now, are you up in 24 hours? It's open from 10 to 8, Monday through Friday. Okay, my pool guy is here right now. My pool guy's here right now. I can come by. I got the donuts. Can dogs come in? Because I have a Rottweiler. Most people leave their dogs outside. Oh. No. But, yeah, you or your assistant or whomever you said can come take them out. What was your name? My name is Jake. Jake. As I said, I was just smoking a little bit a little while ago. But I'll be in. I'll get some donuts for me and my friend Woods.

1:53:44Thanks, Jake. You're the man. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Very nice. Yeah. It was so good. I actually feel a little bit of pride right now. I'm proud. I was looking. I was looking at Woods wrapping himself in a curtain. I couldn't look away from you guys. Really? I had to look away. I had to look at you. We have a shower rod in the studio with a curtain, of course. And Woods was wrapping himself in the curtain laughing so hard. I couldn't think of Court of the Cobb. That got me. Court of the Cobb. I just was hitting some Court of the Cobb. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Wow. There was one second I thought she was going to be like, I mean, a split second. I thought she was like, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out. I thought so too. That was awesome. Great job. That was unbelievable. Mikey's show and tell is next. We're going to tell you about something new we found out about that you don't know about that you want to know about.

1:55:14Were you just taking it to his house today or what? I feel like I blacked out during the Incorporator. I still am trying to come back to life. That's how you debate. Tonight's 8 o'clock album. Iggy Pop. Garrett. Garrett. The Idiot. The Iggy Pop album is called. You just called Garrett an idiot? That is not cool. That album is called. What's your boss? Come on, man. Is that like a bit like the morning guy and the program director? They don't get along. They always have to be against each other. Name call. Sometimes that's the case, but it's not with Michael Garrett. Hey, Mike, it's Garrett. Who's the idiot? The album is called The Idiot. Yeah, I heard what you said. I heard what you said. You played Garrett, and then you said The Idiot. I know what you were trying to do, okay? Garrett! This happened to me in Philly once. I fired his ass. I'll fire yours. Yeah, but you hired him back three times. I hired him back. To your defense. Idiot. Gato. Smooth. Wow. Smooth as silk. Some of them I'm like, well, what am I going to do here, you know? It's raining. Perros and gatos. Yeah, perros y gatos. Lleve. Girl speaks better Spanish than me. However you say it. White girl, blonde, blue eyes. Me, 100% Mexican. Can't speak a word of it. Don't know anything.

1:56:44Muy poquito. There you go. That's all I know. That's not the right way to say it. Un poquito. There you go. What does that mean? Tiny? Just a little. Oh. Let's see. You ready to do Mikey Show and Tell? Yes. Did we have an open for Mikey Show and Tell? Yeah, we do. Thank you. We tell you about things that we have discovered that we think you'll like. And listeners too, if you have one, call in because I want to know. Yeah, if you have stuff, we want to know like cool stuff that you found. Yeah. That's like a little treasure and you're like, you guys got to know about this. For me, I was going to tell you about this yesterday. It's an app. Weird. It's called Flight Tracker Pro and it's for nerds like me and it tracks every flight in the world.

1:57:53At any given time. Wow. And you can look at the flight in real time on the screen and see it moving geographically. No way. For what reason? Well, one reason is to know if the person that is coming to visit you is on time. Oh, okay. So Rebecca goes to Maine to have a lobster dinner and flies back. And you don't want to call the airline. You don't want to see if she's going to be delayed. You look at your app. Holy cow. And it'll tell you how far away she is? I'll see how far away she is. And it'll even tell you the altitude they're flying, the speed they're flying. What about estimated time of arrival? Yep. Oh, my gosh. That's badass. Yeah, it tells you the exact time. What's it called again? Flight Tracker Pro. What, L.O.B.? It just seems a little excessive. Yes. No, it doesn't. Does it? I love it. Stalkerish. Why do you need to know the altitude and the speed? You need to tell me. And what the person in... 12A is having a drink? They had a drink. Did they tell you the seat number they're in? No, but that would be rad. Yeah. If they had that... Why not just go to the airline? I wish that the... I wish that the stewardess... Easy. Flight attendant. Flight attendant. You know better, dude. Gosh. Monster, dude. Monster. I wish that the flight attendant...

1:59:15Punch the information into a computer so I could see that the person in 18F was drinking a ginger ale. You're creeped. That would be great. You're creeped. That would be awesome. I know what you're going to start doing. You're going to start figuring out when, like, the Padres are flying and be like... You can't. Menudo. Menudo. Not the Padres. Menudo. That's not a commercial flight. Ricky Martin. Ricky Martin. It's only commercial flights. Tommy Bahama, one might say. Yeah. You can hit a button on the app that shows you a random flight. I once watched a flight from San Diego to Albuquerque for 45 minutes. True story. What? True story. True story. Just a little bleep. Were you high? No. I don't smoke marijuana. It was in the past. You just watched the flight pattern that it took? I can. If you take your fingers and pinch the screen and move them apart, you can zoom in and you can see a detailed map. Of the United States, I'm like, oh, right now they're looking at the blah, blah, blah forest. They're flying over it. That's what they're seeing out the window right now. That's pretty cool. Obviously, maybe like your mom or your brother, someone that you knew was on that flight. Negative. I didn't know a soul on that flight. That's awesome, dude. I love it. I think it's brilliant. Yeah. I also watched a flight from Turkey to Greece. When you were watching these flights.

2:00:37Weren't you, in fact, in a wicker chair with black socks pulled up to your knees, nude, smoking a cigarette in a cigarette holder when you were watching me? That's freaking ridiculous. There was no cigarette holder. It's like watching a fly buzz around. Why not take a walk? No, it's not. You're right. A fly is more exciting. How about go to the gym? Oh, my God. Monster. Monster. And Woods, you're even weirder that you're all the way in. 45 minutes of your life. You're never going to get back. I love it. It's awesome. I'm on board. I want to do it now. Because, you know why? Tell me why. Because my brother's coming to visit in about three weeks. You can watch his flight. Go to Delta.com. You know what I don't want to do? No. That won't do. You did nothing. Diddly squat. Nothing. I can watch. They tell you when they're arriving. No, they don't. Watch a movie. Yeah, they do. I got to go through the prompt. Let's see how long it takes you right now. Race. I bet you it'll take you a long time. I need a flight number. Okay. 364. All right. All right. Here we go. Let's race. Let's race. Whose flight am I looking at? I'll tell you. I'll tell you. I'm going to go to Flight Tracker Pro. All right? Okay. Let's see. It's under my travel. Okay. And let's see here. My wife is on the line. Hello, honey. Hi. How are you? Good. Can you call me to make fun? Yes. Of course. You guys. You guys. So.

2:02:06Okay, you know how, like, airlines... Stop typing. Stop typing. I'm not typing anything. Go ahead, hon. You know how airlines have the same schedule, like, every week? You know, they fly the same flight. Yeah. You know, to and from places. So, you know, we're planning a vacation sometime in the future, and he looks at the same flight that we're going to be taking, and, you know, I'm, like, juggling the kids and trying to, like, you know, get dinner on the table or whatever, and he's like, babe. Babe, babe, look, they are like 20 minutes away from landing. Look, look. And he's like, aren't you? And he's not getting the reaction that he wants. Maybe get a window seat when you take that flight. I do. He's like, aren't you excited? And I'm like, for them? I'm like...

2:02:53How do you not get this? For them. For them. How do you not get how great it is? Bill and Joan from Akron are looking out the window right now. They're 20 miles away from wherever. Are you ready, L.O.B.? L.O.B. L.O.B., I want you to find Delta Flight 2598. Well, the stupid internet is frozen right now. Delta flight 2598. From? From Memphis. To Detroit. Detroit. Tell me the number again. 2598. Okay. And I want you to tell me when it's going to land. All right. Now, before you do any of that. Tell me the number again. Boy. I'll tell you that it's flying 528 miles an hour. That is. Who cares? Oh, my God. Really? It is scheduled to land at 1258, but it is going early, so they will land at 1239 today. That is correct. They will land at 1239.

2:04:01And they have 332 miles left. They're en route flying at 528 miles an hour. Who cares? They have 47 minutes left. No one. And there's a picture of the airplane. One person. There's a picture of the airplane. Currently, it's flying over Louisville, Kentucky. Oh, beautiful. Is that an actual picture of the airplane or is it just an icon? It just passed Cape Girardeau. It's crazy. It's going to hit some weather. You had an ant farm as a child, didn't you? Yeah. No, maybe I needed one. Pet rock, real good. Hey, I'm on board with it. Anything that's going to make me not have to call that prompter, I'm in. You don't have to call the prompter. Let's say I'm driving to the airport. What do I do then? I don't want to call the prompter. London to Vancouver. Delta Airlines. We'll go back to where we were. What's the flight number? London to Vancouver. Delta Airlines. Sorry, Air Canada, flight 855. Air Canada. Air Canada, flight 855. Air Canada, flight 855. Better hurry a little bit. 855. 855, Air Canada. Better hurry. Better hurry. Well, Internet's frozen again. Well, I already know the answer. Thank goodness. It's got seven hours, 14 minutes left.

2:05:22It is currently flying at an altitude of... One moment. It's not saying the altitude. Oh, no. What are you going to do? How dare you? Oh, my God. Quick. It's on time 72% of the time, by the way. 15% of the time it's 15 minutes late. I sound like that guy Sherman from... It's scheduled to land at 4 o'clock, but it's going to land actually at 3.59, Vancouver time. I could have told you that. You didn't. You were too busy worried about the percentages of times it was on time and what the weather was like. What's that guy's name on the Big Bang Theory? Oh, Sheldon. I'm like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory. It took off from Heathrow at 1 o'clock. It's going to land at 3.59. Should land in Vancouver at 3.59. Terminal D-58.

2:06:16Yeah, well, he would have somebody on that flight. Exactly. That makes a lot more sense. It wouldn't just be for no reason. I would get it for that reason. You can watch it fly over the... Maybe just go to the airport and watch planes all day long if you want. Yeah, there you go. You can see planes from our window fly out of the San Diego airport. Mikey likes to put himself in somebody's shoes on that plane. And what's going through their head? Hey, I'm going to Vancouver today. They're looking out the window and I can see what they can see. No, you can't. If you can imagine walking in the kitchen, you can see and your wife can see. That's not a real picture. That's not real. It's geographically correct. So what? It's a map with a little button on it on your phone. If show and tell really was like this in school, little kids would be crying. I'd come home, I'd be like, Mom! Mom! You would have gotten an F. I would have gotten an A. A plus. For that one. I love you, hon. I love you, too. Bye. See you later. Your wife said, who? She doesn't get it. She's a chick. I don't get it. Maybe it's the only one that gets to the woods because he's worried about his brother flying in. No, I get it. You do? Yeah, because I hate. I had to spend last night about an hour on the phone with the AT&T U-verse trying to get my internet connection. It was weird. So I was on the phone with him, and it's the prompter that I hate. What flight number? 354. Easy, Dad. Just go online. I couldn't connect. You can go online on your phone. You have a Blackberry. Yeah.

2:07:43No. My internet on my phone wasn't working. Jamie's either. Well, then you couldn't have used my app. Exactly. Right, right. But what I'm saying is when I'm calling to the airport, ready? You be the prompter. Or I'll be the prompter. You be trying to get a fight. Who calls the airport? My dad calls the airport. You're calling the American Airlines number. American Airlines. Can I help you? Yeah, I need the... I'm trying to get arrival time. Press one for arrival time. Beep. City, please. San Diego. Did you say... Minneapolis. No, I said San Diego. Did you say Buenos Aires? Operator. That's not how it works. Operator. They just tell you to put in the flight number. Give me an operator. I don't know the flight number. I'm driving. Operator. Operator. Operator. Please hold for an operator. Thank you. Good Lord. Press one for your destination. Press two. Please say the name of the city. San Diego. Did you say San Diego? Yes. City of departure? Dallas, Fort Worth. Did you just say Buenos Aires? You guys are so dramatic. This is not real life. Nobody does that. I'm sorry. I didn't hear you. Please repeat the name. I'm like, oh my God. Buenos Aires.

2:09:06Whatever happened to call me when you land? Yes. Why are you on your way to the airport and you haven't even checked the flight yet? That's the problem. Oh my gosh. Jay, you take a mule to the airport. Covered wagon. Covered wagon. I ain't wasting gas just to go pick you up. Take a cab and I won't reimburse you. There's a bus. You gotta take four bus lines. Here's all the transfers. If you get here at 11 a.m., you'll be home in Encinitas by 5. You guys just looking for another app to keep you from working out? Oh, wow. That's so true. If there was an app that would do the job of working me out. Sienna, what do you got for Show & Tell? Okay, mine is something I mentioned briefly once before. And I got a lot of emails saying, wait, what was that? So I want to say it again. And it's the Samsung Soundbar. Do you remember when I talked about this? Isn't this the one that you gave the last time we did Show & Tell? No. It was from my recap. It was like three weeks ago. Go ahead. It's okay. I love it. I want it. I want it. I want it. Don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. Sienna, I'm going to get it. Sienna. I'm sorry. I'm going to get it.

2:10:18I'm sorry, show and tell, that people actually care about you losers. You do know. I don't know. You do know. Mike, I've got a really good idea. I'm sorry I don't watch planes fly for no reason. I've got a good idea for a bit. Let's call a business and I'll try to incorporate words. She's going to slit. First, my throat. I was excited. My throat's the first one. But then she's going to, with the same slitting, get you. Yeah, and then I'm going to come with salt and throw salt into all your slit throats. You know what? Because I want to know what she's talking about. It was like four months ago, and it was from my recap when we got it. This Samsung sound bar. And I got, within that day, at least 20 emails from people asking me about it. I'm so scared.

2:11:18And you guys are all getting choked up during commercials. I don't know what she's talking about. I did the incorporator. I blacked out a minute ago. Don't mess with me. It's a surround sound system, but it's very compact. It's called the sound bar. Yeah. You can plug it in. You got it for Todd for his birthday or something. Yes. When's his birthday? January. That's right. So. It's clearly. Two months old. Yes. Correct. Mike. I want one because we're getting a new thing, TV. You know what? We talked about it. Please don't hurt me. We talked about recaps about 6.30, and that's when we talked about it. You're shouting. It's 8.53, so I would say we have a different audience now. Babe, you're making a scene. You're screaming. I'm upset. Hun. We're going to have to leave the restaurant. The manager's coming over here. Oh, here he comes. He has security. Is everything okay over here? Is everything okay over here? Are you guys okay? Ma'am, is everything okay? Yeah, everything's okay. Sir, is everything... Everything's fine. Everything's fine. We're fine. Everybody's fine. Are you guys... We're fine. I just had to listen for 20 minutes to my husband talk about planes flying, and now when I talk about something people actually care about, I get in trouble.

2:12:33When did you guys get married? Over Albuquerque? Anyway, continue since all of yours are much better than mine. I've got two that you both could use. It's called Map My Ride, which will document where you've ridden and give you the elevations of speed you travel. It's bicycles or walking. Or running. Is that the same thing as mine except the bike? It's directed at you to get you to exercise. And then the other one's called calorie counter. You can walk in and you go into Rubio's. You know exactly what is in your fish taco. That's crazy because Rubio's now lists that. It keeps track of it though. It's on every menu. You click it and it goes, okay, 250 calories. And then your next meal, you click it and then you see what you've done for the day. I think that's really cool, Jay. Let's all be friends. It's just called the calorie counter. Weird that he brings that up around you and I. The calorie counter and the mile tracker. You guys think that was an accidental hint? Freaking hint. I got something called the anti-chubs. And what it does is it actually pinches your mouth shut when you're trying to eat. I got an app called White Me Up.

2:13:35It's for Latinos that want to look less Latino. It's called White Me Up. I got an app called You're So Lazy. That's it. That's all it is. What you do is you look at it and it's a mirror image of your face. And that's what it is. You're so lazy. It's just an app that shows your mirror. Mikey, you should try it. I was going to call it fat ass. I was going to ask you to be our poster boy for it. Oh, I have a great one. I have a good one, too. Are we done? We're not done. Oh, my God. I'm going home. Done. We're going to come back. We're going to take them from listeners. Oh, by the way, this is M1 Frankie V from Coronado. Are you there? Yes, sir. Frankie, what was the word of the day? I can't wait. I love you. I love you. I want to go home. It's so fun today. Frankie V. Tornado. You just won tickets to NASCAR and tickets to the San Diego Derby Dolls. Hang on the line, will you? Thank you. All right. We have new releases when we come out. And Storm Chaser, Joshua Woman. And our show and tells. Oh, yeah. And the rest of our show and tells. That's what we're going to do as soon as we come back. You just got to watch a couple of planes fly overhead. Oh, boy. And we'll be back. I love you. I get it. What? I'm a good kisser.

2:15:26Well, I'm a cuddle bug. Aren't I cute? So what? I'm filthy rich. Yeah, girls like me. They find me attractive. My woman's intuition's always on. I can bench 350. I'm perfect. Yes, I know. I've got all the diamonds I want. Oh, and somebody's firing back. Wait, why are you doing your accent? It's not my accent anyway. What the hell are you talking about? Since when do I talk like that? Isn't it? Welcome back. I got all the diamonds I want. All right. Why do you hate me, Jay? Really? I said one thing. I love you. Let me tell you something. I can only imagine what it must have been like to be Joshua Werman, our guest in the studio right now, for the past 10 minutes going, these guys are whack jobs. Right? I mean, the poor guy. You've been sitting in here watching us. be weirdos for the last 10 minutes. It's different than most scientists. Yes. Joshua Werman is in the studio with us and there's a new IMAX movie out called Tornado Alley at Ruben H. Fleet and it starts tomorrow. It starts, no, Friday. Sorry, Friday, right? I think so. Yeah, Friday. Starts on Friday. And the gal that you brought with you is from Ruben H. Fleet, right? That's correct. So I'm right. Friday? Yes. Got it, got it. Now, you may know Joshua.

2:16:51because he's the scientist on Storm Chasers, the show Storm Chasers on the Discovery Channel. And he also came up with something. He invented something called Doppler on Wheels, which tracks storms. You're one of these guys that goes into the heart of the storms, right? Yeah, it's a big radar truck. So it's a big blue truck with an antenna on the back, and we brought it here. They told us there'd be tornadoes, but I haven't seen any so far. Not around here. Not around here. But how long have you been doing this? I've been doing this for 15 years, and we drive it up into tornadoes, we drive it into hurricanes, fires, any kind of fun weather we go into. Okay, so do you have a top three scariest tornado experience? Do you have a definitive scariest tornado experience? How does it work? I mean, in a sense, I'm kind of bored. I don't get really scared easy, but we've had some times where it's been kind of... anxious in there. We were running away from a tornado once and I'm on video basically screaming at our driver. You know, you got to drive faster. The tornado is coming up behind us and he's screaming back saying, Josh, I have it floored and we weren't moving. We were just stopped dead in the highway. The problem is the winds were about 180 miles an hour and they were just stopping us dead and this tornado was coming up right behind us. It ripped the door off the truck and all that. The thing is, we were really boring. You know, your life's supposed to flash in front of your eyes and all that, but...

2:18:16No, I was sitting there telling the other guys, make sure you're recording the data. And we changed our scan and all that. Wait a minute. So did the tornado actually catch up with you guys and you were in the vortex of a tornado? We've been in other tornadoes, but that one didn't hit us. That one stayed about 600 yards away. But the winds outside the tornado were stronger than inside the tornado. It was a strange kind of thing. So wait, when it happens and it's that close. It doesn't matter how much horsepower you got in the vehicle. It stops it dead. At a certain point, yeah, it's kind of like a black hole. You're pretty captive once the winds get over 100, 150 miles an hour. You just sort of have to sit there and take it. So we just turned ourselves. We put the rear of our truck towards the wind. So if things were flying through the wind, you know, a cow or something, it would hit the antenna instead of hitting me. And we just hunkered down. We got some damage. But scientists, we got some great data. We're talking to Joshua Wurman. And he's the creator of the Doppler on Wheels. He's also the scientist from Storm Chasers that you've seen on Discovery Channel. And so what is the connection between you and the IMAX film? Did you help in the making of this movie, Tornado Alley?

2:19:27I helped by being filmed. Basically, I'm one of the stars of the film. And Sean Casey made the film documenting his own activities, driving a tank into tornadoes. And then a project, which I was one of the leaders of, called Vortex 2, where we had 50 vehicles, about 100 or so scientists out there surrounding these tornadoes with Doppler and wheels, with these things I've got called tornado pods, which we drop in front of the tornado and try to collect data, weather balloons. all kinds of nerd cars, anything you can imagine. We were surrounding these storms trying to learn more about the tornadoes. We want to make the warnings better. Well, if these things can pick up houses, why do they think a tank is going to stay on the ground? Well, the tank's real heavy, and it's low to the ground, so it's much stronger than a house. A house, what happens is that usually the windows or the garage door or something will get broken by something hitting it, and then the wind gets in, and the house can just get blown over or kind of explode. A tank can actually take a direct impact from a tornado and stay there and have it pass over? The tank's pretty tough. It depends how strong a tornado is.

2:20:33It's really not the wind that's as bad. It's kind of the things in the wind. You don't want to get hit by a brick or a piece of steel or something like that. So it has a lot of armor to prevent that. And it's low to the ground. It has these things that come down so the wind can't get up under it and flip it. A car goes airborne because the wind comes up under it, and then it's kind of like an airplane flying around. So have you been in said tank when said tornado hit said tank? No, but I've been in my radar truck when said tornado hit the radar truck. And you can see outside? Yeah, we look out the windows, though it's pretty opaque. Things are blowing around. There's just all this. That's what I want to know. Yeah, it's just all this crap blowing around. Dirt and dust and whatever. No, we can't dismiss it just like that because you've seen something I've never seen before. You've been inside of a vehicle in the middle of a tornado with 100 and what mile an hour winds? I've been in 180 mile an hour winds. Oh my gosh. No big deal. Okay. I know to you it's like having a bowl of soup. But I got to know what 180 mile an hour wind looks like as it's blowing past you. Well, first, there's the sound. It's very, very loud. And we can have a shout just to talk to each other. And then outside, things are blowing by very, very fast. There's pieces of agricultural debris, just buildings, pieces of buildings and sheds and things like that. And then lots of grass and dirt.

2:21:54In many ways, you can't see anything because all the rain and dust that's around there just makes it opaque. People say you can hardly see the front of your car, but that's kind of true. You really can't see much. In the movie Twister, tornadoes pick up cows and stuff like that. Have you ever actually seen livestock fly by? I've never seen livestock. I've seen snakes fly by. Oh, my gosh. We were deployed on a bridge in a hurricane. And in hurricanes, we always purposely go inside. And we were on a bridge and the approaches got completely flooded. So we had a little private island for about 20 hours. But it's a private island with rats and snakes and pelicans, whatever else is hiding on that little piece of bridge that hasn't gone under. And, yeah, the snake flew right by. Oh, wow. I'm sure it was more scared than I was. Yeah. You were on the inside of something. It was on the outside of everything. And airborne. It hurts when you land. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so my thinking on these things is that there would be two purposes for studying a tornado. A, predicting when it's coming, and B, stopping it? Well, predicting where it's coming is our real goal. Right now, there's only about a 13-minute lead time, which means between a warning and when you have to be in your basement or in some neighborhood basement, 13 minutes. And half of those warnings are less than that. So some people don't have enough time to get to safety. So the major goal is to try to increase that.

2:23:21In terms of stopping hurricanes, that's a big challenge. First of all, we don't know how to do it, and we don't know how to do it without causing more harm. What if you stop Tornado A and the storm formed a stronger tornado 10 minutes later, something like that, or you diverted tornado from your community and it hit another community? I think there are a lot of ethical questions about even trying to modify the weather. Yeah, that's true. Well, I would think that with tornadoes, I'm trying to imagine in the future, maybe they have these little drones. that fly in there and do something? Well, they're pretty strong. You'd have to disrupt the thunderstorm, probably. And you could do it. I mean, you could nuke a tornado. But the problem is you cause a lot more damage than the tornado probably would. And again, the real question is, well, what if that thunderstorm formed a stronger tornado 10 minutes later? It's the same thing with cloud seeding for rain. If a cloud's going overhead and you seed it and it makes rain, didn't you just steal your neighbor's rain? Right. I think there are real ethical problems with modifying the weather. would think that your family would be a little freaked out at what you do because my wife would never let me go to a car that's going into a tornado. Ever. No way. And my family would be like, what are you doing? Well, the first couple of years we had this project, we were pretty low budget and pretty amateurish at it. And my wife was actually in the truck with me. She was navigating our truck.

2:24:45But I think she knows that we try to be safe. And even though we're studying something that's challenging, we have the best safety tool in the world. I'm carrying this radar on my truck. I can scan the tornado. I can see where it's moving. And we hardly ever get hit. I mean, not never, but hardly ever. And I think she's pretty resigned to the fact that we're going to do this, but we're going to be pretty safe. You've been doing this for 15 years. Yep. The movie Twister came out in 98, I think. Did you meet any of those Twister people? They were out there filming during one of the first years I was doing my work. In fact, they came and they filmed us building the first radar truck. And it's interesting. They're out there filming a lot on sunny days because they need good lighting on Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt. I guess they don't want to be out there in the murk and rain. There have been film crews doing different things and a lot of media and documentary companies out following tornado scientists for about a decade because tornadoes, they capture people's imagination. I mean, they're strikingly beautiful, but they're really dangerous. I don't know that I'd ever describe it as beautiful, but you're a tornado guy, you know? Yeah, if you're up close to one and there's debris coming up and it's this spectacular cloud and there are also lots of other things happening in the cloud and sometimes the sun can come under the cloud and light them up. They really can be...

2:26:01beautiful. And it's kind of like a tiger or a lion or a shark. I mean, there are aspects of them that are beautiful, but they're also really dangerous and kind of scary. Is it true that the sky turns a certain color, like right before the tornado comes? A lot of thunderstorms have kind of a bluish or greenish tint under them. And I've seen a lot of that. And we don't know if just tornadic storms have them or other storms do. Tornadic. That's cool. Yeah. That's a cool word. I've never heard. tornadic. When they're born, we call it tornado genesis. I'm going to say to Woods, I'm going to be like, dude, this tornadic behavior has got to end. When he was describing the tornado and the beauty of it, it's kind of like how I look oftentimes at An eclair in the morning. Yes. I look at it and a lot of people just see a donut. A lot of people just see this food and a donut. I don't see that. I just see beauty. You see the perfect storm. Absolutely. I see beauty. Yeah. Like me with the iPad too. Yes. A lot of people are like, hey, it's a device. I check my email on it. Right. Me, I see tornadic beauty.

2:27:01I guess. Though an iPad's not going to kill you, probably. That's true. If you keep eating eclairs, though, you eventually will die. Yes. Your eyes could maybe get strained. They get strained. From looking at the iPad. The new movie, the new IMAX film that's coming out on Friday is called Tornado Alley. It's going to be at the Ruben H. Fleet Science Center, which I love. The place is awesome. It's so cool. I've never been. I've got to go. It's rad. I've got to go. It's rad. And Josh is in the movie. Joshua Werman is in the movie, and he's also the scientist on Storm Chasers. And let's see, Saturday, March 19th, Balboa Park Science Family Day, you can meet him. And you can also see that vehicle, the Doppler on wheels. And then Thursday, the 24th, you can meet Karen Kosiba, who's also on Storm Chasers. And then on the 25th... Richard Alley and Tornado Alley, and you can meet Richard Alley out there at Tornado Alley. It's going to be really cool. It's a whole thing that they're doing out at Ruben H. Fleet, and it sounds like cool. I want to see it. I mean, I really want to see this movie. How long is the movie? IMAX movies are about 45 minutes long.

2:28:18The footage of the tornadoes in that movie are just spectacular. I mean, I've seen a lot of tornadoes, but seeing them in this big dome theater is just amazing because the sound is just surrounding you and you see this giant tornado. It's just like being in it in nature. It's great because it doesn't matter how old you are. You feel like a little kid. You're in there and you're just like, oh, wow. You're looking around at it. It's great. Well, thank you, Joshua. It's really cool to meet you. And this sounds like a lot of fun. So I'm going to go watch it. Thank you for coming in. We appreciate it. Great. Hope to see you there. All right. Let's see. Don't go away. Apparently Jimmy Kimmel was in Bora Bora and had to be evacuated during the tsunami that happened. And we'll tell you about that coming up. All right. Let's do some more Mikey show and tell. So I gave my Flight Tracker. Flight Tracker Pro. Girls don't get it.

2:29:56They just don't get it, man. Jay doesn't get it either. People don't get it. Jay don't get it either. H.M. Rojas wrote in from Costa Rica and said she really liked it because she likes to know when people that come visit her when they're coming. Yeah. And it really helps her. I like it. I like it for that reason. I know when people are going to land. And I know, well, I don't have to leave because it's delayed. And I don't have to go on the website and... Do all that. Such a pain. Or a call. Because you have a MacBook and an iPad and you don't want to go visit an actual website. A telephone. I have an iPhone. And on my iPhone is the app. But you're assuming that you wouldn't want to leave the house. So you'd probably have your desktop, your laptop, your Airbook, your iPad. It's called the MacBook Air. MacBook Air. So you'd probably have the internet at your disposal. Much quicker, much easier to use. You know, that is the purpose of every app. Oh, yeah. Ease of use. Ease of use. Ease of use. Ease of use. Ease of use. I just believe that actually watching the flight pattern and seeing where it is on the map is a little excessive. That's fun. It's just a little excessive.

2:31:12I'm a little nerdy. It's okay. Sienna's idea or her show and tell. It's not idea. It's something that's brilliant. Her thing that she shared with her Mikey show and tell was the sound bar. Yes. It's basically surround sound, but it's one speaker and it sounds really good. And if you don't, you know, if you have a husband that doesn't want to wire up stuff all over your living room, it's the same. I think it's equally as good and a lot cheaper. Jay's was. A calorie counter. Weird. Get it, Chubbs. Get it. And you map it. You map your run. You map your run. It's apps? It's apps. What are they called? It's calorie counters, what it's called. And the other one's you map it. Or map my run. There's two different ones. All right. Woodsy. I'm going to catch grief for this one. But somebody had written me and told me that I needed to try this new thing. It's going to be, it's pretty popular. Actually, it's not pretty popular in the semi-professional baseball league in which I play, but maybe it will be. Fake league. Do you guys know when you, it's actually a real league. Do you know when you drive to your semi-professional baseball game and you wear, we wear as semi-professionals? I don't think anyone on the show can actually relate to what it's like to be a semi-professional baseball player. Fair enough. Except me. But I wear metal cleats when I play ball.

2:32:36And it's always a pain because when you're parking at the semi-professional stadium, a.k.a. Chula Vista High School, it's a long walk from the parking lot to the field. Some guys like to wear tennis shoes all the way to the deal. I don't like to do that. So there's these things called cleat skins. Cleat skins. What is it? Looks like a condom for the bottom of your shoe. And here it is. And it's absolutely... Badass. And I got them, and they're like $25. They cover the metal cleats so you can walk in comfort, and it doesn't ruin your cleats. Golfers could use that, too. High school baseball players, high school baseball players. Question. Now, when you get to where you're going, you just snap them off. They pop off. They're literally like condoms. That's what all my guys that were making fun of them at first, and then we're like, those are pretty badass. They just slip over the metal cleats and you walk and they feel like you're walking in tennis shoes. It's really cool. I like those. And it doesn't go. Yeah. And it hurts. I used to wear spikes for track. Yeah. And I used to have to take them off and then put, yeah, that would work. So they're like 25 bucks. You can go to, you can get them at cleatskins.com. That's cool. I love them. I love them. I love them. That's a good one. L-O-B. Mine's good. All right. You're going to like it. Okay.

2:33:55Especially you, Mike. I bet it's food. No, no, no, no. Blackman.com. McDonald's tracker. How dare you? It's an app. It's just registered. It is an app. Yeah. And the app is called Run P. It tells you when the boring, slow parts of the movie are. Oh, Carson Palmer's brother came up with that. Exactly. What? Yeah, Carson Palmer's brother. who is like third string on the Cincinnati Bengals, it's his sight. No way. So it tells you he thought of it, I guess, after he watched Hong Kong or whatever that really long movie was. I think it was Hong Kong. I mean, King Kong? Please save that whole thing. Save the whole... She went to see King Kong. Isolate Hong Kong, first of all. You know that movie with the big, giant... That just tops our day. Hong Kong? Hong Kong. She has her face buried in my shoulder right now. It's a big monkey. And she looked at you like, what? Hong Kong. Hong Kong. Lauren, I can't see your face because it's buried behind woods.

2:35:03All of us have had moments today of just get me out of here. Want to get away? You know that really long movie, Hong Kong? Hong Kong. Look, here comes Hong Kong. He's scaling the side of the Chrysler building. Why does he have that woman in his hand? Woman? He doesn't have a woman in his hand. It's a Jeep. It's a Jeep. Oh, my God. Isn't it? Okay, so it's called King Kong. Sue me. Don't make Jay the bad one in this. Why am I the bad one in this? Don't try it on Jay. Don't break Jay. She tried. You're all on your own there. She said that was a Jay moment. She tried. Very Jay moment. Jay moment. Yeah, Hong Kong. We call it a Lauren moment. She stood there for like...

2:36:0720 seconds looking at us like, duh, you guys. Hong Kong. I'm like, am I missing an Oliver Stone movie about Hong Kong? Me too. I was like. That could be good. That could be good. You know, it's got the really boring part in it. She's like, you guys, a three-hour movie. Hong Kong. I hate myself. Nobody photoshopped LLB onto a movie poster that says Hong Kong. With Hong Kong in the background. Oh, boy. Well, the idea is a cool idea. It tells you when the boring parts of the movie that don't have a big part of the plot. You're not going to miss any big part of the plot if you get up and go pee at this moment. Yes, it's called Run Pee. Go ahead, Will. I have one question. Yes. Don't ask me about Hong Kong. I'm not. I've got to listen to Carson Palmer. Oh, my God. You could say it. Carson Palmer's brother. Tell me when it's okay to go pee. No.

2:37:02It was just his idea. He's got a team of people. What if that's not interesting to him, but I would... You know what I mean? Just go with it. It's better than going at a pivotal moment. Yeah. You know, like... Give me Goodfellas. No, no, no. For instance, let's take the movie... Titanic. No, I need something I know back of my hand. Footloose. What was that movie that you... Fair enough. What was the movie... Okay, like it would say, you can get up and go pee anytime during Youth and Revolt. At any time during that movie. Anytime. You're not going to miss anything important. Give me Goodfellas. When do I go and pee during Goodfellas? Let's see. Let's see. We can go to the website. Oh, this is freaky, fascinating. Run pee. This is fascinating. I don't know if you can just look it up on the site like this. Oh, they just tell you? Probably. I'd be more interested in boob tracker. Write that down. No, no search box. Yeah, I don't see a search box. It's for your phone, so. Well, if I had to think of something from Goodfellas. When would it be? You have to give me time, man. I know. It's hard to do. I think more than anything. And I bet it's on there. I bet you there's a moment in there where you're like, all right, I got.

2:38:28I got a minute and a half. And it tells you exactly how much time you have. That's crazy. And it tells you what you're going to miss. Yeah. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. That's cool. I think it is pretty good. As long as it's accurate, that's all I care about. I don't want to miss something. Yeah. Let's see if it's on. It drives me nuts when I go to the movies and my wife's like, I got to pee. I'm like, oh my God, now I got to doubly pay attention to fill you in and then I'm going to miss more stuff. Maybe just hold it. I'm downloading it right now. And I'll tell you because you can type in any movie. How much was it? Hong Kong. Hong Kong. See what they say about Hong Kong. Oh, see it says on their Facebook site search feature finally added at runp.com. Now you can see. So now I don't. I don't see it on the website though. I'm having a really hard time. Yeah, you are. I'm an idiot. So am I. We all are. I'm dealing with fools and trolls. I've never seen King Kong, but that's not an excuse. What about Hong Kong? You know that really long movie? Hong Kong? Hong Kong? You said it like four times. No, I did not say it four times. Maybe three times, twice. Do you guys remember the old cartoon King Kong Phooey? I don't even know what that reference is. He's a superhero guy. Now, on this app, because I just downloaded it,

2:39:54It gives you where you can go pee on current movies. So it's got Battle Los Angeles, Red Riding Hood. It's meant for the theater. I don't know if it's for home movies or not. I know it's meant for the theater because... So you're at the theater, dude, and you're watching this new movie and you're like, I've got to pee. I've had a 32-ounce soda. Yeah, I've got to pee, but I don't want to miss something. When can I go pee? This tells you. Aren't you kind of wasting time and missing the movie just looking that up? Not if you look ahead of time. What if it says 50 minutes from now? Then you're just like, oh. It'll give you a chance to weigh your pros and cons. Like, should I go now? Should I go now? It's true. Let's see. Okay, here's search. Goodfellas. Search. Probably doesn't have old movies. It's not on there. We'll just guess it will work and move on. Thanks. Wow. Anyway. All right. I'm a jerk. Is that it? Did we go through everybody? Got everybody. Yeah, we did. Yeah, we did. We got everybody. Yeah, we got everybody. That's what I said. New releases. Let's be friends. I love you. Oh, wow. Oh, boy. Look at him go. Hold on. I got him. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. We got new releases. We have. Hey, you know what we should do today?

2:41:16We should do DVDs first because the DVDs are, I'm very excited about the DVDs. Yeah. The Fighter is out today. Mark Wahlberg. And I am stoked. Mark Wahlberg, Christian Bale. Who's that broad that won the Oscar and then she cursed? She said the F word. That's out today. My wife and I are going to watch it tonight. Oh, great movie. Hereafter with Matt Damone. which he's a really good actor. He's in Good Will Hunting. And then Switch with Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman, which I'm in on that guy. Yeah. And, yeah, The Wildest Dream with Liam Neeson. That's going to be out today, too, and we're good to go. Right on. And then we got a lot of musical releases today. Travis Barker from Blink-182. Give the drummer some. Whoa. Got Pharrell and somebody else. Guy can play the drums. Yeah. That's not him singing, right? Pharrell. In the song. What else? Caitlin Rose, Onside Now. iPod commercial. Totally. Volkswagen. Sounds like Chloe, whatever her name is, or Zoe. De Chanel. Yeah, thank you. She said the F word coming up here? Yeah, hopefully. You said if it was in a song, it was okay. Corner Shop. Corner Shop and the Double O Groove.

2:43:06Isolate. I love it. Isolate. I didn't expect that. I didn't expect that. How could you? How could you? I mean, how could you possibly go, I bet that she's right about to say. Those same guys with a brim full of ash. Yeah, brim full of ash. I saw them open for Oasis. They're actually pretty good live. Who? Corner Shop. Corner Shop and the Double Stuff. That was the name of the record is Corner Shop and the Double O Groove. Oh, you're like, okay, I got this. Oh. Oops. Oops. Wrong section of the record store I must have been in. My CD's skipping. Soundtrack to Hong Kong. That's right. It's the Soundtrack to Hong Kong. This one I was actually excited for. Jay Mascus from Dinosaur Jr. has a new album called Several Shade of Y. I like it. Yeah, I like it. Did you like Dinosaur Jr.? Do you remember that? No. Great band. Great guitar player. I'm really excited about that record. Is that your deodorant? Right here? Yeah. Yeah, do you want some? Suave powder. Yeah, what? What? Made for a man. This is a woman's perfume. Yeah. It's not perfume. It's deodorant. It's a woman's. But it's strong enough for a man. You don't worry about it.

2:44:48You have had it there for about six months. I just noticed. He sent Chris for it. I sent Chris for it that day. I had sweaty pants. He forgot his deodorant. I'll blame Chris that he bought it. You told him to get that brand. You told him. I told him to get secret and he got swabbed. Question. Yes. Why not? It burns my arms. It burns under my arms. I have very sensitive skin. Oh, write that down. Write that down. It burns under my arms. I do. If I use like Menin or Old Spice, I'm like, I get rashes. Ask my wife. I've seen, I had a boyfriend that got that. Yeah, it's the worst. In bright red under his arms. Bright red. It's a true story. It's, I love, it's a true story. It's rad. He's nervous right now, so he's a white lotion. He's putting on lotion. Which is, naturally right, skincare, body butter, orange vanilla. Oh boy. You are. Yes, I'm married to a woman. I'm married to a woman. You are so polarizing. Yep. You're married to a woman? What does that have to do with it? You're married to yourself? You're just trying to prove something. You don't wear dresses, bro. You're married to a woman. I'm married to a woman. You don't wear dresses. Because I wear this stuff. Is that her lotion? No, it's mine. I bought it in the mall. Oh, okay. I got sold by a real hot girl that was... Don't even try. I did. That's a true statement. I got you. That's a true statement. And she makes me apply every day. Yeah, it was a true statement. We're doing new releases, people.

2:46:12I know. We're also late for a break. All right. We got more. Ready? Yes. New York. The New York Dolls dancing backwards in high heels. Maybe they should have hung them up in 76. Om dong dong dong. That's right. You heard it. The reason Tim and Eric is funny is because they mean it to be funny. If they don't put it out on CD. The new Rise Against is out today. Endgame. The new Smoking Popes. Oh, good. This is only it. The new Smoking Popes is out today. Got it. Got it. Not bad. Are you kidding me with the next one? The next one. Jay's very excited. What? The new Dionne Warwick. I always liked her. I'd like to welcome everyone to the Tiki Lounge tonight. I want to let everyone know that old fashions are half off. It sounds like what I would picture Sienna's grandmother singing like if she was a singer. Sienna's grandmother thinks this is hard rock. Yeah.

2:48:03She does. You kids with your Dionne Warwick. This is rap. I met your grandmother. This is what I picture. This is 80-year-old rap music. That's what she calls rap music. Oh, wow. We get through all of them? Yeah. And luckily for us, we did the DVDs first. You're turnatic. Yes. What happened? What did he do? What happened? Not what I think. Oh, I got him, and I got him. Real good. Nobody's ever been gotten this good. Did what happened, I think, happen? Yeah. That's what really happened? Yes. He, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Woods just showed a picture from the other room of a really hot girl. And Jay looked at it and he was like, oh my gosh, I gotta see that up close. He came running in. So he comes running in and he's like, he's got this big smile on his face and he looks, it's...

2:49:44His daughter, Maddie, and he didn't realize it. What else did he do, Sienna? He went, uh-huh. Yeah, he goes, uh-huh. But then he realized, hey, that's not me. That's not me. Who does that? He doesn't. I do. He wasn't trying to get you to, he was trying to get you to get mad at him thinking that he was creeping. Yes. We didn't expect you to run and go, uh-huh. Well, he always shows me. He's always like, dude, you've got to come see this. So I go right in there. I'm like, oh, this could be great. Sure was. It's not. What? That just happened. It serves him right. Everything today is not real. It's bizarro land. That was Jay blowing his head off for lusting after his daughter. Jay dove into the beanbag like killed me. There was pillows on the beanbag and he was throwing them off making like...

2:50:39puke noises because he was so... Repulsed. I have to go home. Oh, my gosh. Mission accomplished. That's not what I was expecting. Me neither. Well, none of us were. I thought he was going to say, would, stop looking at a picture of my daughter. Right. Of course. He said... Because he didn't realize. Creepy. That's filthy. That's filthy. He's shaking the gun at me. Oh, my gosh. You've got to come out here sometime. The guy is unbelievable. Oh, my gosh. Greatest prank I've ever played. I can't believe that was real. Today is just... Here, Wood. It's been amazing. Tell everybody where you're going to be. Poor Jay. Joanne Wood this Thursday from 6 to 7 at the Fun Bike Center in Kearney Mesa. No, I do have an appearance this Thursday from 6 to 7 at the Fun Bike Center in Kearney Mesa. Mesa? Oh, boy. Win tickets to see the Nuclear Cowboys. Tickets to TV on the radio, which is a great band, plus gear from Metal Militia. Meet the Riders from Nuclear Cowboys. And if you want more info, go to fm949sd.com. It is in Kearney Mesa. You can also join Woods and I for the Big Bear trip. You can still register. Registration shuts off tomorrow. It's March 25th through the 27th. It includes lift tickets and all the good stuff. Go to fm949sd.com. Happy birthday. Hey, this is kind of cool.

2:51:59Today, the Surf Divas are doing something pretty cool. So if you go into their boutique today and you buy anything, they're going to donate 20% of their proceeds to Tsunami Relief. Wow. Which is really cool. So please, by all means, go in and you should just buy some stuff to help out. But anything you get, 20% of it is going to go to helping out the Tsunami Relief. That's really cool. So thank you to the Surf Divas for doing that. All right. What have I not? Oh, okay. So I was going to play this again for you. Jimmy Kimmel. Oh, okay. Sorry. I'm so sorry. That's okay. Ask an answer. You teased it. Yeah. Ask an answer. I'm so sorry. I was just trying to steer. Jimmy Kimmel. I'll step back. Was in Bora Bora during Tsunami. We were off last week. I had a very scary vacation. I was in Bora Bora, which is in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, about halfway between here and New Zealand, when the earthquake hit Japan. And after the earthquake, there was a tidal wave warning in Bora Bora, where I was. And I am not what you might call relaxed when it comes to disaster-type scenarios. I don't just crack under pressure. I disintegrate. I turn into that stuff that comes out of pixie sticks.

2:53:19So I'm in the room at 4.30 in the morning. They called. They had to evacuate everyone in our hotel by boat to another island that had higher ground. And not only am I scared of tidal waves, I'm scared of higher ground. I'm scared of heights in general. I wrote a very detailed account of what happened for the Huffington Post website today. You could read it all there. But it all turned out fine, I think, unless I'm dead right now. And this is what hell is like. Or heaven. I don't know. Yeah, the guy who had to get evacuated. That's scary. Pretty crazy. Oops, sorry. It's okay. His Huffington Post piece about it is really funny. It's detailed? Yeah, it's very funny. I want to see it. He is one of the funniest guys ever. He used to be on radio. Oh, yeah. Was it KRQ in Tucson? That's right. Oh, yeah. He was on Kevin and Bean. Yeah? Was it K-Rock? My son.

2:54:20Jake is four and yesterday made an observation to my wife and she knows that I have a microphone and a recorder in my office and said, babe might want to ask Jake what he was just telling me. What were you, Bubba, what were you asking about? What were you asking mama? From the toilet paper. Does the paper, what? If I flush down the toilet paper, will it go into the ocean? When you flush it? No, it won't go into the ocean. Just the water? No, the water doesn't go into the ocean either. Although the Mexicans do that in Mexico. Some of their toilet stuff does go into the water. Into the ocean? Into the ocean. It happens. Sometimes? Well, more than that.

2:55:21Most of the time, they don't go in there. Well, that's what we'd like to think, but you never know, you know. Guess what? What? Can I talk in here? No, you cannot talk in here. I want to say, there's just one word. What? Curvy. Okay, you said it. So, what was your first question to Mommy, though, that you asked Mommy? What did you ask about your poo-poo? That looks like a chicken. You wanted to know if it looks like a chicken? One of them did. Oh, one of your poo-poos looked like a chicken. It was the shape of the poo-poo. Okay. And you noticed that? I noticed. Did you tell Mommy? I did. What did she say? Oh. She said, oh. Yeah, I said, oh. Okay. Did I say that? All right. Hey, Mom, is that your big checkbook? No, that's not a checkbook, Bob. That's a notebook.

2:56:21Daddy doesn't have a checkbook. You know that. If Daddy had a checkbook, we probably wouldn't live here. We'd probably live in Mexico. We'd probably live in Mexico. Daddy, would you like to write something in your notebook? Sure. There you go. Just a day. So cute. Day at the house. So cute. Day at the house. Day at the house. Just Ryan screaming in the background. Weird. One of the poo-poos looked like a chicken. Just one of them. Oh, my gosh. All right, Jay. Oh, gosh. It's like clouds. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's like clouds. Yeah. Snowflakes. Quite a day. Yeah. Oh, boy. Hillary, what do you got coming up? I grabbed the Decembrists, New Rise Against, some Radiohead, some Crackers, Soundgarden, and we're going to talk March Music Madness, which starts on Thursday. Very nice. Yes. Lovely and talented Hillary up next. We'll come back tomorrow at 6 and do this all over again. The Mikey Show's out late.