The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 03/17/11
Thursday, March 17, 2011
St. Patrick's Day comedyJapan tsunami survivalchildren and picadangerous science experimentpractical jokesschool bullying and self defensefamily favoritismgross out food challengeleprechaunst patricks daytsunamidogs
The show opened with Brian Johnson's immortal Mobile leprechaun report, then Mikey and the crew riffed on a deliberately inexplicable Mapple gadget and argued over whether a dog beside its injured companion after Japan's tsunami was loyal or hungry. Akiko Kosaka discovered through YouTube that her family had survived, while a lighter discussion connected Matthew McConaughey's dirt-eating daughter Vita to pica and iron deficiency. Jay detonated a dry-ice bottle inside the studio and later replayed his leprechaun-mask ambushes, including Lauren's piercing scream. The longest serious exchange began with an Australian bully being body-slammed: Mikey, Woods, Sienna, Rebecca, and Jesse wrestled with self-defense and adult intervention before the show returned to Ciro's revolting green shake, Sienna and Waverly's grandmother sketch, and Paula Deen's blunt sonogram story.
What happened, in order
The Mobile Leprechaun
Brian Johnson's local-news report captured a Mobile crowd hunting a supposed leprechaun, complete with an amateur sketch, a claimed ancient flute, a crackhead theory, and plans to dig up its gold.
Mapple's Mysterious iFAD
Mikey introduced a deadpan Apple parody for a sleek new Mapple device whose breathless executives and customers could not explain what it actually did.
The Loyal Tsunami Dogs
A touching report about one dog guarding an injured dog in Japan turned into a dark running argument over whether the healthy dog was loyal or merely waiting to eat its companion.
Family Found on YouTube
Akiko Kosaka, fearing her family had died in Japan, found news footage on YouTube showing her sister in a hard hat announcing that the family had survived.
Why Kids Eat Dirt
After Matthew McConaughey admitted that his daughter Vita eats dirt, the hosts and a caller discussed pica, pregnancy cravings, iron deficiency, and children consuming soil and sand.
Jay's Dry-Ice Explosion
Jay sealed dry ice and water inside a plastic bottle, retreated as it expanded, and watched the blast shred a large storage container in the studio.
Leprechaun Mask Ambushes
Jay replayed the hidden-camera ambushes he staged in a grotesque leprechaun mask, culminating in Lauren's scream carrying through two soundproof doors.
The Bully Gets Body-Slammed
An Australian video of a bullied teenager body-slamming his younger attacker triggered a heated debate among Mikey, Woods, Sienna, and Rebecca over self-defense, retaliation, parents, and school authorities.
Jesse's Six-on-One Beating
Jesse described confronting a group of teenage bullies, being threatened with a gun and beaten by six boys, then winning restraining orders and a lawsuit with his father's help.
Ciro's Green Nightmare Shake
For St. Patrick's Day, Adam blended Ciro a green concoction of mint ice cream, pickles, vegetables, sauces, jalapenos, and wasabi that left Ciro retching after a gulp.
Grandma's Gold Nugget
A story about a $400,000 gold nugget became a sketch in which Sienna's grandmother gave it to her while offering Waverly bronze turds, a rusty nail, and other humiliating consolation prizes.
Paula Deen's Sonogram
Paula Deen described recognizing her coming grandson during a sonogram by spotting his backside and testicles, leaving the hosts delighted by her startlingly candid phrasing.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLaurenSiennaJayBrian JohnsonAkiko KosakaMatthew McConaugheyVitaRebeccaJesseCiroAdamWaverly
26,989 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
It's St. Patrick's Day today and Woods is dancing a jig. And that's just got L.O.B. laughing. It's a sweet jig. And ladies and gentlemen from Mobile, Alabama. Oh wow, L.O.B. L.O.B.'s a little clumsy. She almost just broke her ankle. She danced a jig for 10 seconds and fell. Have you had anything to drink this morning, young lady? No. From a few years back, Mobile, Alabama. Time for St. Patrick's Day. Crowds are coming by the dozens to get an up-close view of what some say is a piece of Irish folklore. Some people in the Crichton area of Mobile say a leprechaun is taking up residence in their neighborhood. A leprechaun. NBC15's Brian Johnson has more.
Curiosity leads to large crowds in Mobile's Crichton community. Many of you bringing binoculars, cancorders, even camera phones to take pictures. To me, it look like a leprechaun to me. I got to do a little bit of a treat. Who else in the leprechaun say yeah? Yeah! Eyewitnesses say the leprechaun only comes out at night. If you shine a light in its direction, it suddenly disappears. This amateur sketch resembles what many of you say the leprechaun looks like. Others find it hard to believe and have come up with their own theories and explanations for the image. My theory is it's casting a shadow from the other limb. Could be a crackhead. Up in a tree and play a leprechaun. We don't get down to the bottom of this. Yes, do it on there, guy. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid, man. This guy, helping to direct traffic, says he's prepared for his encounter with the leprechaun. He's suited up from head to toe. This waters off smells right here. This is a special leprechaun flute, which has been passed down from thousands of years ago from my great-great-grandfather, who was Irish. I just came to help out. Others just came to get lucky and hopes a pot of gold may be buried under this tree. I'm going to run a backhoe and uproot that tree. I want to know where the gold is. I want the gold.
Get me to go. I want to go. This is Brian Johnson, NBC 15 News. Oh, my gosh. Good be a crackhead. Oh, boy. I want to know where to go. I want to go. Get me to go. I want to go. To me, it look like a leprechaun to me. I got to look up in a tree. Who else in the leprechaun say yeah? Yeah. Really nothing better. There's nothing better. I agree. It's the greatest. It's the greatest. It's like Christmas morning. That thing I'm telling you. To me, it looked like a leprechaun to me. I wonder if they ever found the Crichton, Alabama leprechaun. I hope so. Such a great story from Mobile. That's good to be back. Took the day off yesterday to rest up. I was sick. Happy birthday. Yeah. Oh, boy. I don't listen. You know, if somebody's legitimately sick, Jay, it's all right. I don't, isn't it? You still get HBD on it, though. I guess. You still got to. Yeah, I deserve it, because I said the day before on Facebook I was going to be in with bells on. But then as the day went on, I was like, this ain't happening. Your bells started to get a little weak. My bells started falling off. Stop jingling. Stop jingling. Stop jingling. I knew it. I was like, eh, I feel like turd.
I cannot. I need to rest. I feel good now. Probably because I rested. You know, I rested up. And that minute clinic is the greatest thing in the world. I know. Did you rest at the drive-thru? Oh, wow. Uh-oh. Whoa. You ever should get called out? What was that? Well, first of all, the reason that Woods doesn't like me to mention the minute clinic is because it's a secret. That not that many people know about. The Minute Clinic exists at CVS stores. Select CVS stores. Yeah. And you can go there in lieu of urgent care or making a doctor's appointment if it's something basic, like I think I have a cold or a flu or something like that. Yeah. In fact, they even have a little tester kit, like a pregnancy kit, where they test to see if I had the flu. Wow. Stuck a swab in my nose. put it in this little tester chemistry cassette, and in 10 minutes she said, you're negative for the flu. You don't have the flu. Huge. Good news. How great is that? Thank you. Are you on antibiotics? No. Oh, perfect. Thank you. I had it wrong. I had it wrong. She said, I don't have a bacterial infection. I have an upper respiratory viral infection. I didn't have anything. I didn't have anything. You know what it is? I was worn out. I think it's just that I was worn out, you know.
Are you contagious? No. No, I'm fine. I believe I'm fine. Me and Woods can kiss and you guys can see if he gets sick, you know? So were you resting in the drive-thru? Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. Why do you ask? Why do you ask? Because I know that you went to McDonald's. How do you know? Because I told her. Why? Because she asked me how was Milton's. Yes, we knew about that, too. I was in here. When I got the text, I was in here. Wednesday is meeting day, so we were going through a meeting. In here taking bullets. Taking grenades at work. Everybody is needlessly slathering on. Antibacterial right now as well. Needlessly. And Wood said, oh, I got a text from Mike. I'm going to go by Milton's and get him some soup. And we're like, what? Milton's? No, I don't believe that that's the way he did it. It is, actually. I wasn't a D. I'm not a D all the time. No, he was not a D. In fact, I said, Milton's? Yeah. And he said. I think she even goes, Milton's, happy birthday, Mike. I did. She didn't say it like that. I didn't say it like that. Lauren said it like that. No, I didn't.
I said, that's exactly what you need when you have a sore throat. A Reuben sandwich. And then I said, yeah, maybe some toasted rye to just cut your throat up a little more. What else did I say I wanted with it? Chicken in a pot. Chicken in a pot. Yes. Chicken soup. Some potato salad. Pot won't help you. Then the conversation ended and Woods left because he had other stuff to do. And I texted you, Mike, yesterday afternoon and I hadn't heard back because I want to know how you're doing. Sienna and Woods both checked in to see how I was doing. I emailed. I was going to let you rest. Mike is looking at Lauren. And then as an afterthought, Lauren asked me late in the day, oh yeah, by the way, how are you? Well, I knew if you were well enough to eat Milton's, you were probably okay. So when I hadn't heard back from you, I texted Woods and I said, is Mike okay? I'm not hearing anything back. Because I figured he saw you after he brought you Milton's. And he said, oh no, I haven't heard back from him either. I did text you back though. Yeah, but later. It was hours. So I was worried about you. I was worried about you. And so Woods said, I haven't heard anything. I actually didn't see him. I didn't go to Milton's. He went to Mickey D's. He canceled the order for McDonald's.
And I didn't even, you know, respond. I may not need to throw that in there, but I thought. You didn't want to maybe try some applesauce or chicken noodle soup? I mean, maybe like some chopped ramen just real quick, three minutes. I would have stuck with the chicken noodle soup that I had ordered from Milton's. But I knew it was going to be hours. And I was hungry. It was going to be hours. Well, you were still here doing a meeting. And then when you left here from the meeting, I knew you had to go home and deal with your dogs. And then you had to drive all the way back to. Del Mar, order it, wait for it, and then drive it all the way back to my place. I knew that was going to be hours. You were still in a meeting. And I'm like, I'm hungry. I want to eat. I was hungry. I wanted to eat. Just getting mad. I know. Just trying to make the show better. Trying to be dynamic. Keep the brand going. Stay on the air. So what'd you get at McDonald's? I got a cheeseburger.
And medium fries, and they made a mistake and gave me small because God intervened. Yeah. Said, hey, this is the last time. Did you say, I ordered a medium. Or did you just suck it up? No, I ordered a medium, and they gave me a small. They were like, they probably saw me, and they were like, listen, Chubbs. No, but I mean, did you correct them and say, I want a medium? No. No. You didn't check to see if they had soup on the menu or yogurt? They have yogurt. Perfect. Something a little more gentle for you. Sick, fragile little body. You guys cut so deep. Get some tea. You cut so deep. I also went to a place. I won't say where. I won't say the name of it. I went to a place that Woods had suggested, and I respectfully disagree with his recommendation. Did not enjoy this place. Walked in there, and it smelled like a bait shop. Guy loves Tex-Mex. It's not Tex-Mex. It's a fish place. I know, but I'm just saying you can't really go for the authentic stuff. I get what Sienna said. She's saying that, Mike, why are you taking food recommendations from Woods? Guy doesn't like authentic Mexican food here in San Diego. He prefers Tex-Mex. Because I grew up in...
Texas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it, but I would think that, you know, I grew up in California. If I get to have the real deal with Italian food, I'm going to be like, wow, this is pretty good. I don't have to go, listen, I grew up in California. I want my Olive Garden, all right? It's the only way that I like Italian food. Right. I'm making the comparison. I'm not going to go, only way I like Italian is Olive Garden. It's a fair comparison. But Tex-Mex is its own kind of food. True. Right. Olive Garden is Italian, but it's, you know, whatever. It's American Italian. American Italian. I just meant that you, Woods, and Mikey differ in your food choices. We do. You like cake donuts. I don't. True. Your donut recommendation, and listen, I'm a connoisseur. You can see that. So, you know, different strokes, people. Now, today is St. Patrick's Day. I've already been pinched. I forgot to wear green. I forgot. I did. I forgot. Woods wore green. Jay wore green. I understand you forgetting, Mike. Jay's coming in to pinch me. You know it's going to be hard. Oh, yeah. Mike, you know. Oh, he's pinching LLB. Wow. He's pinching LLB. Lauren's last name is O'Brien. O'Brien. And she forgot it was St. Patrick's Day. How did the Irish chick forget to wear green? I don't know. Nah.
I have green on, okay? She's holding a plastic Vuvuzela. That's a green Vuvuzela. No, it's not. It's a scarf. In your shirt? In her shirt. A scarf. 570-1949 is our number. Top of the morning. Text us, 949Mikey at gmail.com. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of your show. I'm not wearing any green and feast. I can't believe I forgot. I know. Woods is 35. He's our sports guy. He is wearing green. In fact, not only is he wearing green, he's wearing a lot of green. He's got on green boxers that he's showing us. He's got on green I Want to Go t-shirt. He's got on Padre's hat that's got the green Estee insignia. With the shamrock on the back. You went all out. Shamrock on the back. That's right, man. Irish, baby. That's right. LOB is 30. She's our assistant producer. She's a stand-up comic. Not wearing any green today. She's Polish-Irish. Sienna is our news girl. She's 25, and she's got on green. Green exists in her dress. Exists. Let's see. Am I wearing it? Jay. Yeah, I thought so. Jay is wearing a green shirt today. Yes. He's our producer, and he's 47. And our phone screener today gets pinched because he's not wearing green. It's Chris. It's Chris. It's Chris.
So, let's see. Jay, the old man that does science at 7.30. I can't wait. Oh, yeah. I cannot wait. This is great. I practiced yesterday. Great. Is it scary? Yes. Can't be done in this studio? No, I have to do it in here. Oh, my God. That's when you know it's good. If people haven't seen the video from last week, I showed it to a group of people on Friday night, and everybody was like, let me see it again. Let me see it again. Let me see it again. Let me see it again. It was an explosion. It was incredible. He made a cloud in our studio. You couldn't see Jay. He disappeared. So anyway, Jay the old man that does science at 7.30. We're going to play Let's again at 8. New game that we came up with called Let's. Last week it was Let's Fence. And so Jay and Woods fenced one another. Today it's Let's Box. So we've got some big boxing gloves. By big I mean huge. We're also going to be doing From Zero to Hero at 8.30. Yeah. Look at the guilty face on Sienna immediately. The guy is a trooper. Yeah, he sure is, isn't he? He's going to come in and we're going to blend a bunch of green stuff and he's going to drink it. It doesn't hurt that he looks like, you know, like the Latino Brad Pitt. Like Adonis. Adonis. Word of the day is verde, which means green. Oh, there you go. Very good. Nice. So sometime between now and 10 a.m., ladies and gentlemen.
I will use that word. Caller number nine. Four packet tickets to NASCAR and a Derby doll ticket. What else? Oh, I know what I wanted to tell you about. Apple is making some tweaks to their iPad 2 and also to the iPhone. Yes. Now, you may be more familiar. Well, you will be more familiar than I am about this. Of course. But Apple's making some changes on how you purchase. things in your iPhone or your iPad. Because apparently right now, well, the way it was, was a user would enter their iTunes password on the device. And then there was another password prompt 15 minutes later.
It doesn't ask every time you sign on your password or something like that. And because of that, kids would be able to like their parents would hand their child their iPhone and the password would already be activated. I see what you're saying. Yes, that is true. Like, yeah, you're on there and you put in your password and you hand your kid your iPhone and the password. You know, they don't need it because they're already logged on to your phone. And so they could just go and buy apps. and not even know that they're charging their parents. But after 15 minutes, it says, I need your password. Right, and if you're logged off of the phone. Otherwise, it will stay on. Now they're doing extra things so that the kids can't do that. They're updating their software, so there's a 15-minute password-free timer for the App Store and iTunes. I wonder if we'll have the ability to turn it off because it's a beating to me now. A beating. I know. It's a beating to me now. I know. I'm sure you'll be able to turn it off, but I mean, it's becoming a really big problem that parents are complaining to Apple about because their kids are racking up these charges and no one knows about it and they want to protect their phone and their wallet. It's a good idea. Yeah. But you have to realize everything that they come out with is fantastic. You know me. I love the Apple products. Yeah. In fact, it's what inspired me.
Start my Mapple products. The Mapple products are even better. Now, here's the thing about Mapple. They are so innovative. These are Mikey Apple products. They're so innovative that a lot of times it's hard to even know, well, what do they do? All you know is that they're cool. Director of Product Innovation, Karen Frazier. Here at Mapple, we are constantly working to provide the most cutting-edge technology available. And our latest innovation may be one of the best products we've released to date. Senior Vice President of Mapple Design, Simon Kirkland. Basically, as we were, you know, looking to revolutionize the way that people use technology, what we thought was, how can we bring you the most contemporary features on a state-of-the-art instrument at the tip of your fingers? Introducing iFAD. With its advanced... capabilities, you'll be able to do more than ever before right from one simple device. And you'll even start to wonder how you ever did anything at all without one really. I mean, it really can simplify, redefine everything about your life. And from all of the innovation that we've done with this machine, from the sleek design, it can fit.
Virtually any lifestyle. I can tell you as a longtime Apple customer, when I heard they were releasing the iFed, I knew I had to have it. This is before I actually knew what it was. I just knew that this was the way that the future was headed. Now I can do more than ever with my iFed, whether I'm in my office or even go out in the outdoors. iFed is honestly something that I cannot live without. It's exactly the kind of forward thinking you'd expect from Apple. As soon as we started designing the iPad, we knew it was something that would really reinvent the way people viewed technology. What is it? Over and over and over the design until we perfected it. But we just asked ourselves, how can we tie all this imagination and ingenuity together? And that's when it hit us. Wireless. Of course. Everyone I know uses the iPad now. I got my wife hooked on it. My coworkers. It's just one of those things you've got to have. What is it? I can't even describe it. I've had, if you don't have it already, you're already behind. He did say he can't even describe it. Snow I have to have it. Snow I have to have it. I know you can use it indoors and outdoors. That's all I know. It's true. Sleek design. Quite a testimonial. The dog story.
Don't know if you've heard the dog story from Japan. Brace yourselves. Well, I can't even believe we're starting off like this. That's a touching story. It's very touching. Well, as we know, tragedy in Japan. And now a dog was injured. A dog was injured. Of course, you know animals are going to be injured. Right. Now there's video of a Japanese news station going through with a video camera looking at footage. And there's a little dog in the background. And all the destruction, all the rubble. And all the rubble, just things torn apart all over there. And they see a little dog and they're like, is that a dog? Zoom in. Zoom in with the camera. They see not only one dog, but another dog. Now, one of the dogs was injured pretty badly. And you can see it laying there and you can tell that it's pretty injured. Yes, not looking good. No. And then there was another dog.
Healthy. That looked healthy. You know, he was probably starving, thirsty, you know, not doing well, but looked a lot healthier. Sitting by the injured dog's side. Wouldn't leave. He's waiting to eat him. Oh my God. I mean, he's doing the right thing. He's going to wait until he passes and then eat him. Well, that's what they do. I don't blame him. He's hungry. He's just waiting for it to be an easier meal. Look at Woods and Sienna. I'm so mad when you say that. And Lauren. Lauren's a little taken aback. No, he could be right. What if he's right? He could be right. Hang on a second. We know from the animal kingdom, it's a lot easier to feed if the animal that you're trying to feed on is not going to resist. Yeah, no fight. No fight. I hadn't thought about it that way. Sienna? I'm reading like... Now, it's translated from what the people in Japan were saying when they discovered the dogs. Right. Let me just read some of it to you. So the camera's scanning and they say, it looks like there's a dog. There is a dog. He looks tired and dirty. He must have been caught in the tsunami. He looks so dirty. Oh, wait, he has a collar. He must be someone's pet. He has a silver collar. He's shaking. He seems very afraid. Oh, look, there's another dog. I wonder if he's dead.
Right there. There is another dog right there sitting down. Oh, no, he's not moving. I wonder if he's all right. The dog is protecting him. He's protecting the dog. Yes. Here's the dog's thoughts. You just die already. I am so hungry. I just want to feast on you. I just want to feast on you. Just die already, please. And then they say, I'm starving. I can't watch this. This is difficult to watch. I'm going to start. He's moving. He's alive. I'm so happy to see he's alive. I'm going to start on your shanks. Your shanks look the meatiest. Your monster. Shanks look the meatiest. After your delicious, yummy shanks, I'm going to move on. I'm going to move on to the short rib. Then when I'm done with the short rib, maybe treat myself. to a little ear nub. Stop it! You are so mean. Snossages. Snossages. You've got to protect your food. It's mine. It's not food. This dog is being loyal. He's just letting that hurt dog know, look, you're not alone. I'm here for you. I'm here for you. I'm going to help keep you warm. They are remarkable. A human would have been like, peace out, injured person. I'm going to Mickey D's. I'm starving.
No. Yes, they would have. Yeah, they would have. They would have. You're a crazy person. Dogs are sweet. Humans are monsters. I would not say I'm out. You would go to Whole Foods. Whole Foods. No, I would sit by their side and say, don't ever leave me. That's right. No, you would be hungry and thirsty. This dog is about to die because he wants to take care of this hurt dog. Let me see the picture again. It's all over the news. You'll see it. Why does he have a napkin around his neck? Yeah. Why is he wearing a bib? It's a collar. It's remarkable. Remarkable. Why does he have a knife and fork in each paw? He's a hero. Why does he have a knife and fork in each paw? Explain that. Can you explain why he's got a salt and pepper shaker right next to him? Yeah. Can you explain that? Explain that if you can. They're friends and they're alone. Oh my gosh, my heart. They're alone after a tsunami. That's right. And they're sticking by each other. That's right. That's so sweet, you guys. It is sweet. Is it, Mike? It is. Really? Look at his face. Monster, dude. Look at that. He's so cute. Which dog is that? That's the hero. He's all dirty and wet and wiped out. Why does he have a bottle of wine? Stop!
Next to the salt and pepper shaker. Why is he asking? It's red wine. Why did they actually catch on tape him saying, Monsieur, what goes better with this dog, red or white? Oh, no. Why is that a fact? It's so, you know, my dog would sit by my side if I was hurt and never leave. Never leave. She would die by my side. Why was that dog singing scenes from an Italian restaurant? If he was there to protect him, then why was he saying, it all depends upon your appetite? Bottle of red, bottle of white, it all depends upon your appetite. That's what the dog was quoted as saying. This is actual audio of the dog. Great voice. Unbelievable. How insensitive of a dog to be singing this particular Billy Joel song while his pal. Monster. I'll say he is. Monster. I'll say he's a monster. Thank you. You're a monster. Thank you. Jay is a monster. LLB is a partial monster. I'll meet you anytime you like. I just thought, hey, Jay could be right. Yeah.
Kidding. Dog found that other dog. He's like, I just struck gold. I just, I want to know where to go. You just found it. Why wasn't he eating it then? He was cuddled up next to him. He wasn't waiting. He was protecting him. Yeah, carrion's easier to take down when it's done. I want to know why he invited a female Cocker Spaniel over and they were embracing over a spaghetti noodle just before they feasted. No, what happened was he invited another Cocker Spaniel over and they were sucking up the other dog. Yes, yes. And then meeting in the middle. In their mouth and meeting in the middle. They were going... Sweet dog. Yes. Remarkable. If I could have done that. A hundred. Aw. Definitely need another one. That is nice. I really do think that. Really? It is. I think that's a sweet story. I have my own affliction. Look at that face. She's so sweet. He is sweet. You know, if you go to your own bank and you withdraw money, they don't charge you an ATM fee. But if you go to another ATM that isn't your bank, they do charge you an ATM fee.
Wait till I tell you how much they're about to start charging you for that. Never going to think again. Yeah, you're not going to like it. You're not going to like it. They were just showing the dog on TV that was protecting the other dog in Japan. It is very sweet. I mean, the dog even goes as far as to put his little paw over the other dog to shelter him. Nuzzling like no one's business. It's really sweet. I'll take him. I want both of them. Oh, they're so sweet. You guys better get in line because I'm sure there's about 400 million people that would love to take care of both of those. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will have them, I'm sure, by the end of the day. There's videos everywhere online. You'll see it. Oh, and you'll cry. So wait till I tell you what's happening with ATM fees. For those of you that don't like paying $2.50, if you go to a different ATM than your branch, we're going to tell you that in a minute.
Jay thought it would be funny to put on a really scary leprechaun mask over the last couple of days and scare each of us here on the show to death. And we have audio of us getting scared by him. And video will be posted today. Because he also videotaped it. One of us, the audio is, it's better than gold. It's better than gold. It's outstanding. The word of the day is verde. So when you hear me say the word Verde, between now and 10, caller number nine will get fabulous prizes. Makes me want to put on a white starched shirt, the buttons down, and some mirrored glasses and just take it to the club. So average is about $2.50 if you go, if you are Wells Fargo and you happen to go to a Bank of America and you want to pull out some money.
Average is about $250 you're going to pay in fees, and it says $250 okay. You press yes, you get the dough. Crazy. What about now, Sienna? Oh, boy, is it about to get way worse. Well, ATM fees are on the rise and starting at some of the biggest banks. Now, Chase is the first bank to try this. They are testing out $5 fees for non-customers. If you go, you know, say you go to Union Bank, Wells Fargo, you go to Chase to get out a couple, you know, $20, $5 fee. You want to know the kicker, too. 25%. A lot of banks will then charge you, your own bank will charge you for using another institution. For real? So you're looking at like $7.95, $7.50 to use an ATM. I did not know that. Oh, yeah. Not all of them, but a lot of them will. How much will they charge you? They'll charge you like $2 or $2.50. It could cost you $7.50 to get $20 out of the bank. That's like 35%. Yes. Bank's ever greedy? You think Jay would pay the $5 fee? No way. I'm going to start keeping my money in a mattress. Yeah, let me tell you something. I would walk like a pioneer.
From one village to another. I'd be right there with you. JLLB. Hand in hand. These two would spend more money on gas to get to their branch. Absolutely. You know it. It just depends on what the purchase is. If I'm at a place that accepts cash only or something like that, I'd be like, whatever. Charge me $30 to use it. I'll do it. Like a strip club. Yeah. No, like some bars. Yeah, fellow B goes to a strip club. She's not going to drive to her. Some bars around here and restaurants are old school and they only take cash, you know. It's 2011. Yeah, well, little mom and pop places. You get a credit card machine. Yeah. They save a lot of money by not having a credit card machine. Happy birthday. Jay and Lauren are both very, very frugal. Yes. Frugal. I call it resourceful. Yeah. Thrifty, smart. I'll tell you this. They. will have a bad taste in their mouth if they pay for parking rather than find free parking. That's 100% true. Now, my wife made an observation about me the other day, and she said, what is your deal with this? And I said, it's kind of like L-O-B-N-J, but it's in this one particular area. We went to Stone Brew on Friday night, and as we were driving around, now if you've never been to Stone Brew, Stone Brew's
Parking lot is a lot like Disneyland. Yes. All right. Eight or nine acres of parking. It's true. Why? Because they're amazing. That's why. The place is awesome. Because the place is awesome. And a lot of people like to go there. And so they have one row of parking that's right by the building. One row. And I will cruise up and down that row waiting for somebody to leave. Really? Wow. And Rebecca goes, what are you doing? And I go, somebody's going to leave. And she goes, why are you doing this? Doesn't it seem odd that we're driving back and forth eight or nine times? And I said, I will get one. And she said, why is it important to you? I need to know. And I said, I'll tell you. Bragging rights. When we walk out of the building with other people, they're going to go, whoa, how'd you get that space? And I'm going to go, I got lucky. I have another theory. I know what you're going to say. I already covered it.
Listen, you can go with a laziness thing all day long. That's what I was going to say. Because it's a hike. Fine. But I'm also telling you, there's some bragging rights behind it, too. I feel a sense of accomplishment. Sure. If you get a good spot, for sure. Maturity. Resourcefulness. Resourcefulness. You're like Bear Grylls. There's awesomeness. You're like Bear Grylls out there. You found the perfect spot, man. And nobody can get that but you. No matter where I go, I shoot right for, even if I know it's a crowd, parking lot I'm always going to go to that front row because I need it but if it's not there I'll take off and go eh just wasn't my day I'm so opposite I go far away I like to park way out where there's no trucks around me or no cars around me because I have big trucks. I like to get extra exercise whenever I can. So sue me. Sue me. I like to walk miles. I do lunges all the way. That's right. I lunge to the restaurant. I'll often carry two 10-pound barbells in my hand when I'm walking into the grocery store. For those of you that are wondering, why are his buns made of steel? That's why. That's why. And sometimes I do a couple laps around the lot.
Just because I can. Yeah, because I can. I say, we're meeting at 5. Oh, look, it's 4.56. That's four minutes of lunch time. I'll be push-ups in the damn parking lot. Oh, sure. 75, 76, 76. Oh, hi. Oh, hey, Max. You want to eat? Just getting in some lunges? Get on my back. I'll give you a piggyback ride. You want to ride on one of my eight-packs? That's right, eight packs. Don't sue me. I can't help it. I can't stop lunging. I just want to tell you guys really quick that the ATM fees, they're starting this $5 fee in Illinois right now, and that's where they're testing it. Also in Texas, they're doing $4 ATM fees, so it will be here before we know it. I read Jay's recap this morning, and I was like, dude, that is so weird. It was very weird. Listen to this. Jay says, Goes to the beach yesterday. This lady comes up to him and asks if it's okay to ask his son Jasper some questions. Jasper's eight years old. And Jay says, well, it depends on the question. And she kind of got put off. He could tell by the way that Jay responded, but proceeded to ask Jasper, how old are you? How long have you been surfing? Do you surf here a lot? Do the waves scare you? So weird. Do you want a book report?
Yeah. And, you know, Jay's like, okay, okay, okay, kind of going along with these questions. And then she says, so would you like to take some surf lessons? Talking to him. I'm there, but. Now, I get what's going on here. You get the kid invested so that the kid then wants dad to be okay with it, I guess. Monster. Monster. And Jay says, no, not looking for any surf lessons. And she said that they would do it for free because she was, quote, producing a video. Oh, well, that's not that big of a deal. Isn't it? I mean, he's not. I mean, he's, you know, he's eight. Maybe he sees potential like she can make him really good. Maybe she's a pervert. I don't want any. You're going to let a stranger videotape your kid? You want to know, okay, what's your business? Let me see your business license. All that stuff. You make sure it's a legitimate company. Yeah. If she's got on her...
A card, a business license, a blah, blah, blah. A van in the parking lot with a bag of candy in it. Yeah, videotape my kids. What's your website? Let me see your business card, all that stuff. Here's what threw me off, because I noticed her right off the bat. And they were just splashing around playing in the water. They really weren't surfing. They were catching a few waves. She was smoking up in the lot. Oh, my God. So she must be a pedophile. No, so she's smoking up in the lot. She's got to be a pedophile. Sorry, creepy. She must be. Overthinking it. President of the United States smokes cigarettes. So he must like little kids. She puts it out on the ground. Oh, my. Why didn't you just kill her? You should have just murdered her. If you're involved in the water and you're involved in surfing, you do not leave your cigarette butt on the ground, eh? Because you know why? Because it ends up in the water. Good for you, Jay. I agree with that. Sorry. I see some woman smoking and putting it out. I'm not saying she's a pedophile. I'm just saying she looks creepy. Suspect. Suspect. Maybe don't smoke when you're about to come talk to my kid. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's crazy.
There's a difference between... I know woods. If you're a stranger and you're going to approach a stranger's kids... If you smoke, you might as well have your wiener hanging out of your pants. I'll tell you this. Let's say I'm the guy that works for the company that videotapes kids surfing. One of my questions is, do you smoke? You do? Don't want to hire you. You wouldn't ask that. You know why? I thought on applications you could put, do you smoke? I thought you can. Right. You can. I don't know if you can or not, but let me tell you. I'll be a discriminating SOB because I don't want the person that works for me going and approaching strangers and their kids reeking of Marlboros. You think Snow White at Disneyland is out there busting some butts in the back? Guaranteed. No. Guaranteed she's not. It's true. It's against their policy. I know because I was almost a Disney princess. Well, hey, it's against their policy, but they're not going to get electrocuted if they do. It'd be against my policy too, pal. I don't want you talking to 70 years. You don't think Mickey Mouse has ever pulled his mask off and went, oh my God, what a long day. In his Supra on the drive home.
That's not a mask. That's really Mickey Mouse words. Oh, I'm sorry. Right. Prince Philip is in the smoking section. Just Prince Philip. You don't think Prince Philip came in from a bar last night waking up with some 200-pound girl next to him reeking of cigarettes? Well, then he could get fired for it. Yeah. I want a guy talking to a stranger seven-year-old and his dad going... Yeah, because that's what I do all the time. Well... Yeah, exactly. You don't smoke in front of your kids when you teach baseball. No, I don't do that, but on the way, I will. And let me tell you, if I put my kid in Little League and I walked up to the coach and the coach reeked of cigarettes, I'd be like, oh, that's freaking great. Oh, wow. Perfection. I'm sorry. You're outside. Sorry. Now I see what perfection. I wouldn't want the coach on the sidelines smoking, but if he smelled like it, it's okay. I don't want my kid going.
What is that smell? You can't shelter him. Your kid needs to learn what life is. You can't shelter him from cigarettes. You know when that question gets asked? When you walk into 7-Eleven and the guy's in line and he smells like cigarettes. I don't want it from my Little League coach. Sorry, Woods. I love you, bro. I don't want my Little League coach reeking of cigarettes. Can't you just say... Yeah, you don't like that smell. Yeah, it's a dirty habit. Don't do that. Like, couldn't you as easily do that? Coach Stenson does it? Well, Coach Stenson does a lot of things you shouldn't do. Like what else? Like, you probably don't want to know. Well, but I love Coach Stenson. I look up to Coach Stenson. He's still a good person, but some people have bad habits. You know when you bite your nails and I tell you not to? It doesn't make you a bad person. It's just a bad habit. Sorry, Mom. I want to be like Coach Stenson. He's cool. Maybe you'd be like me. I'm your dad. Fine, but Coach Stenson's cooler than you. No. He's cool. No. He's there to coach. This is what I'm thinking in my head. This is what I'm thinking in my head as a kid. I want to smell like Coach Stenson. I want to be like Coach Stenson. Come on. Really? You're grasping at straws here. Really am I? My coaches had some really bad habits and really bad fashion sense and just really...
I looked up to my parents. I didn't look up to my coaches. I looked at them as a mentor to teach me the sport. That dude is cool. And by that dude, I mean Woods. If I'm a little kid, hello, you hear my four-year-old going, can I say one word? Can I say one word? I'm recording my son the other day. He's four years old. He goes, can I say one word? And I go, what? He goes, curfee. You know why? Because Uncle Woodsy. But that's his word that Uncle Woodsy calls him. Do you know that my son responds to Woods probably more than anyone else in the world? I'm just telling you. I'm a cuddle bug. Because they're about the same age. They're about the same age. If I'm doing the hiring. If I'm doing the hiring. No smokers. No smokers? For kids. For stuff with kids. For stuff with kids. For stuff with kids. Now, you are a member of the family. You're a member of the family. And so you smoke, you smoke. If at some point I got to explain to Jake, what's that smell? Uncle Wood smokes is a dirty, filthy habit. You shouldn't do it, blah, blah, blah. I don't want you to do it. But if I'm doing hiring and the hiring has anything to do with kids, I don't want them reeking like smoke. I would think Woods would be the same way. Just tell him. But I wouldn't look at somebody that's smoking up on a hill and be like,
Oh, my God, you're a monster. She may not have known that you would have taken mints and done the... If she walked up to Jasper and blasted a cig, I, as a smoker, would be like, you're a disgusting, filthy creep. You don't do that. But to look at her, I know him. I know Jay. He looked up at her and he goes, nasty-ass cigarette. I bet he did. If she left it on the ground, then that makes the whole... That's the kicker for me. And then she comes down and goes... Is it okay if I ask your son a couple of questions here? I don't smoke. No, Sienna doesn't. Don't do my voice. Try to do the raspy voice. Yeah, the whole thing was just weird. It almost felt like it was either going to be a bait and switch. Like, oh, yeah, the lessons are free, but hey, you know, this blah, blah, blah. You got to pay for the video. That's $3,000. That's going to happen. A carton. Yeah, and a carton. And you got to kick some Marlboros my way. That's right. Oh, that's wild. I think you would feel the same woods. No, I wouldn't. Walking up to the kid, big difference in smelling. No, but you know what I would do? What would happen to me is she'd walk up and 30 minutes later, I would have already signed my kid up because I get sold by everybody. I would have been like, babe, we just spent $700 on a surfing video that they were teaching our kid how to surf and I paid for it. I was proud of Jasper. He just kind of, he kept walking. He gave me the eye like, and I was like, okay, you can answer. He's so sweet. Give me the eye like.
Okay, you can answer. So he was right on target. He knew stranger danger. Sweet little angel. Oh, I would want to see a lot of info before I let somebody videotape my kid. No way. Absolutely. I would want to see info, but what are they going to do with the video? He's surfing. It's not like he's running around naked. Question. Question. Question. Question. Look at that kid in a wetsuit. Is that the way you surf? But what if they were making money off your kid? I wouldn't want that either. No, but if my kid... They are making money off Mike's kid because Jake is in photo albums. And I said I would have asked for it. I guess the only reason that it freaked me out that it was surfing is because a lot of times when kids are surfing, they have less, they don't have very much clothes on. Now, when you say wetsuit, that's different. What? That's different. They're in a bathing suit. There's perverts, Sienna. Oh my gosh. Sienna, let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question. Yes. When you go to Legoland and you see the lone 40-year-old dude, white guy, with a camera. I was with you until white guy, sorry. When you see the lone 40-year-old dude with a camera, does it freak you out? No.
It doesn't? No. I'm not going to live my life looking at everyone like, don't take a picture. That's weird. Let me tell you. When I'm walking around Legoland. Which is every week. Which is every week. And I see the lone 40-year-old white guy with the camera. Nobody with him. I want to walk up and go, how you doing? What are you up to? Yeah. Oh, my God. I instantly think. Now, maybe it was because in my childhood I experienced sexual abuse. I'm sure that is right. But I'm like, okay, maybe it is. But I'd rather be safe than sorry. Easy, Chris Hansen. I was fortunate enough to not experience sexual abuse. But I'm always on the lookout for people. You kind of have to be safe. It's just the world that we live in. And I'd keep an eye. If he didn't have any kids with him, and I'd probably. In my hypothetical situation, I'd have a husband and I'd send the husband over to say exactly what you said. What are you doing? Some guy, he's got no wife. He's got no wife. He's got no wife. Creepy. Okay, picture this. Sage is now four years old. She's running around. Yeah. And they have these sprinklers there at Legoland where they can go in the water. Yeah. And I see little kids, little girls, little boys running around with no shirts on. I don't want to even think like this. And you see some dude without a wife.
And he's taking pictures of your daughter. How do you know his kid could be running around in there? Okay, but what if he's taking pictures of your daughter? What if he's taking pictures of your kid? Why would he be taking pictures of my kids? That's what I'd want to know. Okay, if there was no other kids running around and it was just Sage and he was taking pictures, yeah, I'd be weirded out. But if there's a whole bunch of kids running around, it's a crowded place, I'm not going to just single out some guy who's sitting by himself. I'd feel sorry for him probably. I'll tell you exactly what was going on the last time we were there. Last time we were there, there was a black family, and their kids were running around in the sprinklers, and Luke was running around in the sprinklers. And there were people there taking pictures. Now, unless those people are adoptive parents of the black kids, but there was this black couple there taking pictures of their black kids, and me taking pictures of Luke, and there's one dude off to the side, and he's like... Maybe he works for Legoland. He thought it was cute. If he does, he better have on something that says Legoland. Or you could say, what are you taking pictures of? Oh, where's your kid? I would be probably passive aggressive. Where's your kid? I would be like... He thought it was cute. He thought it was sweet. Oh my... Really? Yeah, watching little kids play is very innocent. You're a sweet kid. Sweet kid. I agree that the world we live in is weird. And maybe I will think that, but for now...
I don't want to look for something like that. If it happens, then I'll say something. But I'm not going to be on the defense at all times. Sienna, in Mike's defense, the guy was wearing a trench coat and nothing else. So, I mean, creepy. I would be a little creepy. He wasn't wearing anything else. He wasn't wearing anything else. Oh, man, we got so much stuff. Oh, we got so much stuff. When you were a kid, did you eat dirt? Or do you have a kid? That did or does eat dirt. Yeah, we call it lunch in my house. We ain't going to be wasteful. Ain't going to waste it. My brother Mark used to do it. Now, there's an A-list celebrity who mentioned on TV that their kid eats dirt. We'll tell you who it is. We'll play it for you. But we're also going to tell you, why do kids eat dirt? Why do they do it? And does it have to do?
With hookworm. We'll tell you next. So we're going to be telling you about who has a kid that eats dirt. Famous person that has a kid that eats dirt. Also, we're going to tell you why kids eat dirt. My brother ate dirt when he was a kid. I ate dirt. You did too? Mm-hmm. 570-1949 is our number. And you can text us, 949mikey at gmail.com. Sienna, what's going on in news? Well, the California State University Chancellor has asked that all...
Students studying abroad in Japan immediately return back to the U.S. All Cal State students. Yes, 45 students are affected, 16 at San Diego State that are coming back because of the tsunami and everything. Also, this is a pretty crazy story. Speaking of Japan, a girl, her name is Akiko Kosaka. She's studying over here in California, and she had basically given up hope that her family had survived. They were from the coastal village of Minami, and she... looked on YouTube, found local news coverage, and actually saw her sister wearing a hard hat in the background, calling out to the cameras to let her sister in California, in America, know that her family had survived. She's been trying to call him, trying to contact him, email. I know I did too. And hadn't heard anything. So she goes on YouTube, sees the local news coverage, and sees her sister in the background yelling, the family's okay. Wow. Isn't that amazing? Also, really quick, the most recent update, Japan was using military helicopters earlier today to dump seawater onto the Unit 3 reactor at the Fukushima nuclear complex. It's a desperate move to try to cool the uranium fuel, say it.
We're just hoping everything's going to be okay. Woods, what's going on in sports? Big day in San Diego today, my brother. The San Diego State Aztecs are taking on the No. 2 seed are taking on the No. 15 seed in Northern Colorado. The game is approximately at 1.40 p.m. today. I will be laying in bed nude watching it. So you get that visual in your head as you're tuning into the game. Thanks for that. There's basically no way to get that visual out of your head. When you watch the Aztecs, know that Woods also is watching the Aztecs nude in his bed. Why do you have to be naked? I'm going to tell you something that I know from experience. There are 0% of people listening at this moment that will watch that game today. And not think of you in bed watching it. Thank you for that. I'm not saying to you that there's 8% of the people that just heard it right now and they won't think of it. I defy you to watch that game today and not think of that. I defy you. I'm sure your wife really appreciates that.
Got to be done sometimes. I'm a little run down myself lately, so I need to get a little rest today. What better way than to watch the Aztecs whip up on Northern Colorado? Listen, they are 0-6 in the NCAA tournament. They are going to get their first win today, and it's going to come at the expense of Northern Colorado. And I have something in common with our president, Barack Obama. We both picked, as I always do in the brackets, All four number one seeds to be in the final four. I did the exact same thing. So did Barack Obama. I picked all number four seeds. Oh. Did you? Yeah, in the final four. Did you really? Yeah, they're all number four seeds. Oh, wow. Yeah, I took all four of the top seeds. So we'll see how that goes. Who'd you say is going to win the whole thing? I have Ohio State winning the whole thing. Have Louisville. Yeah. Who do you have winning LLB? Sienna and I both have Pittsburgh. Did Sienna's husband, Todd, do all the picking? Oh, boy. Where's Todd from? Pennsylvania. Oh, where's Pittsburgh? Pennsylvania. Jay has the Aztecs. Jay took the Aztecs to take the whole thing. I would have done that if I had picked. Weird. Yeah, just kissing ass real good. Hey, can't help it if I support the guy as a local. Name one player. Joey. Okay, Joey. Joey's a good guest. Thank you.
Love it. There's Dan. Joey. Joey. Dan. John. Mike. Don't forget about Mike. Oh, Mike. Mike. That guy's a good player. He can dribble. He can slam dunk it. Guy can ball. He can slam dunk it. Thank you. Is that it, Woods? Yeah, yeah. The four number one seeds that Barack Obama and I both picked are Duke, Kansas, Ohio State, and Pitt. Okay. Jay has individually, over the last few days, scared... the crap out of us by putting on a weird leprechaun mask in anticipation for today, St. Patrick's Day. And we're going to play the audio of each of us being scared. And then later in the day, you'll be able to see at facebook.com slash Mikey show, you'll be able to see the video of us being scared because he also videotaped. He had the wherewithal. presence of mind to be able to videotape us. Oh, yeah. We should take a picture, too, Jay, of your creepy outfit. Oh, yeah. Because it's petrifying. Petrifying. I spent a lot of time sitting under a desk waiting for you guys. It's been 15 minutes. I'm still underneath this desk. So it's Matthew McConaughey's kid that eats dirt. Tell me something you did as a parent, dorky, with Levi that you've learned with your daughter. Something that we were nervous about. Oh, I mean, look, Vita really likes to eat dirt.
Jesus, did I just give you off? You're going to run that now, aren't you? You're going to run that. No, it's good for them. Am I going to see that? You're going to run that as your sound bite. Listen, Vita likes to eat dirt. Hey, I'm the type of parent. That's good for them. They're supposed to eat some dirt. No, Vita's a little more rough and tumble. And she's the young lady. So why do kids eat dirt, Sienna? Well, um... It's called something. Pika. Pika. Oh, yes. Not to be confused with a pika-dee, a pika-doo, a diddly-doo, which is something that Woods sang one time on the air. This doesn't say what pika is, and I had never heard of it, but pika is something that little kids have, and they want to eat. dirt and they like the taste of it and a lot of parents are really worried because no matter what they do they try and stop the kids from eating dirt and they'll have a plant in the house and they'll eat the dirt. And a lot of times it's because they're lacking in a certain mineral or a certain vitamin and so they will they'll consume it because they're looking for that. They naturally need it. It's like when my wife was pregnant she said that when she would smell fabric softener
It made her want to eat it. She said, obviously, I wouldn't. She said, but the smell of it was something that she was like, oh, I crave it. Like, I want to eat it. Yeah, it could also be an emotional stress that they're saying in kids, a developmental problem, too. But people ask what kind of dangers could happen from my child eating dirt. Doctors said that most of the time they would not get something like a hookworm. That's a big problem. That's a big deal where people think, oh, if they eat dirt, they're going to get hookworm because the hookworm's in the dirt. Yeah. You could, I mean, some of this stuff could happen, but the odds are rare. You could get lead poisoning, intestinal parasites, intestinal blockage. Obviously, you want to try to prevent your kids from eating dirt. I think most parents that have a first-time child would absolutely stop, but I think after you have a couple kids, you're like, yeah, they eat a little dirt. It's not going to hurt them. I used to eat dirt all the time. I ate more Play-Doh. I like dirt. We used to like make, we play bakery out in the, it was supposed to be a sandbox, but it was just straight dirt. And I would just take it. I like the texture, like the grittiness of it too. The sand in your teeth didn't drive you crazy? Now, if I get anything, I'm like, but I was like, I used to love it. My sister would eat handfuls of sand at the beach, just handfuls. Really? It would come out in her diaper.
Gross. Yeah. Wow. She'd poop with the sand. Which sister? Weird, weird, weird, weird. I eat handfuls of donuts. Yeah. Seen it. Had nine. Check your diaper. Nine powdered donuts. Nine? Eight. I'm sorry. No, they were small. No, it was a big one. It was a big package. But I've never seen a package with that many mini donuts in it. Eight. Eight. Eight. Usually there's like five. Eight. Eight of them? Eight. That's a lot. Oh, yeah. They taste good, though. Oh, they were good. He didn't offer me one. Nope. Even said after. I didn't offer you one. Sorry. Emma and Chris from Coronado. Are you there? Good morning. Good morning. I'm at the pica. The craving and the deficiency where the craving stems from is iron. My wife craved potting soil like a mad woman while she was pregnant. Craved what? Potting soil. Craved it. Wow.
I'm sorry? She craved it. I was just saying what you said. Yeah, she craved it like a mad woman. I have two six-month-old twins, one boy and one girl, Zoe and Sebastian. Excuse me. And I would catch them kind of reaching for the same plant because we have it kind of on the ground and stuff. And we talked to the doctor about it, and he said he did some tests, and they have iron deficiencies, and there's a lot of iron in potting soil, and that's where the craving stems from. And then the follow-on pica, I believe, just to clear that up. Gnarly. Let's go. Crazy. It's gnarly. Thank you for the call. I wonder if it has anything. There's Pika. Like sucking on, I used to suck on a lot of quarters and like nickels, pennies, stuff like that. Go on. Iron deficiency. I think that, and I've always struggled with, even now I struggle with iron deficiency. I wonder if that's part of it too. Do you still suck on quarters and pennies? Yeah. No, I don't because I know how filthy they are. Suck on a fountain instead. Yes. That. Maybe you should get an Iron Man in your life. Like a triathlete? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Do you know where you can get a middle rod? I'll make it. Cucumber. Pennies are made out of copper. You're underweight. Recommended the new. Maybe I steal a kiss. Iron steel. Like the metal. He thought we were all going to be like.
No, I never get that. I'm here for my amusement, apparently. It's amazing. It's actually a good transition. Yeah. Sure it is. It is. It's actually a good transition to the game Ever Just Say Stuff. Oh, yeah. We play Ever Just Say Stuff with L.O.B. Now, we'll have two players. 570-1949. What do we have as a prize today? Jay, what can we give away as a prize? We have... Tickets to the Oceanside Museum of Art. All right, cool. 5701949. And here's the way that the game works. You're going to call, and Woods is going to give LOB five people. I am going to give LOB five people. If she can correctly tell us three out of those five people who they are accurately, you win. Now, you may be saying to yourself, I don't get it. Why? Well, I'll tell you. You'll figure it out. L.O.B., she has a tendency to mess people up. And mix things up. Mix things up. Hong Kong, King Kong, same thing. Hong Kong, King Kong. Haven't you guys seen that movie, that blockbuster called Hong Kong? You guys, Hong Kong. Hong Kong. And it turned out she was talking about the movie King Kong. Mix stuff up. Maybe we're talking about Eddie Vedder, but...
Her mind tells her that we're talking about Eddie Van Halen. She'll be like, you know, the guitar player. The red guitar with white stripes on it. And we're like, are you talking about Eddie Van Halen? I'm like, same thing. Come on. Like 20 times a week. Yes. It's great. At least. 5701949. We need two players. We got M1 Rob from El Cajon. Are you there, Rob? Yeah. How are you? Ron. Oh, Ron. Sorry about that, Ron. All right. Now, you got to get, L.O.B. has to get three out of five in order for you to win. I'm nervous. I'm going to feel stupid. And Woods is going to begin. Are you ready, Woods? You want me to start? I'm ready. You're going to start, and I'm going to give you a timer. There's no real time that you're working with here, but you got to give her five. You got it. Here we go. Sammy Hagar. The guy from Van Halen. Very good. Trevor Hoffman. Baseball player. David Duchovny.
X-Files. Tony Blair. The Prime Minister. England. Kevin James. Fat guy. Paul Blart. Wow! Good job! I think you have to reverse it because she has a harder time with the names. You know what I mean? If you said Paul Blart, then she would say... Guess what? You are a winner. You're a winner. You're a winner. Hang on, okay? I can't believe it. Hang on the line. M1 Victor from Mission Valley. Are you there? I'm right here. What's up? Not too much, dude. Are you ready to give it a shot? Yeah. She's got to get three out of five for you to win. Here we go. L-O-B. Gary Shanley. Larry Sanders. Roman Polanski. He was involved in some sort of scandal. Really? Warren Buffett. Rich guy. Richest guy. Gary Busey. Looks like Nick Nolte.
I'm going to give you that. Oddly enough, I'll give you that. Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins. A motivational speaker. Oh, my gosh. Good job. I love it. Nice work, L.O.B. I can't believe it. There were some questionable ones, but pretty good job. The Nick Nolte I question, but I'll give it to you. Hey, Victor, you won. Hang on the line, okay? Thank you. And who is Roman Polanski? Roman Polanski is a movie director. Yes. He was involved in a scandal. He had sex with a 14-year-old girl way back in the 60s. He moved to France to escape extradition. That's right. Looks like a parent. Yeah. Yes. He won an Oscar. Yeah, he won an Oscar for The Pianist. I almost called him a Russian leader. I wish I did. Well, there it is. Now, during the course of the next three hours, you'll probably hear LLB do exactly what we're talking about. But the game is called Ever to Say Stuff. I got an email for you, and we have to take a timeout. But I do want to put this email out there. It's pretty crazy. And basically, it has to do with putting...
a picture of your girlfriend on your desk, and what would you do if? We'll explain. We'll get to the email in a little bit of the guy who put a picture of his girlfriend on the desk. Get to that in a while. Word of the day is Verde. When you hear it, when you hear me work the word Verde into a sentence between now and ten, caller number nine is going to win some great prizes. NASCAR Nationwide Series tickets. San Diego Derby Dolls tickets. See them take on Rocky Mountain Fight Club. These are girls on wheels, man. Roller Derby. Just going after it. Let's see. Happy St. Patrick's Day. Yeah. Here, let me get some St. Patrick's Day music on for you. I'm going to get you in the mood, all right? Top of the morning to you. Top of the morning to you. Faith in Bigora. Sure. Aaron Gobrah. Aaron Gobrah. What is it?
Aaron Gobrah. Aaron Gobrah? Ireland forever. Is that what it means? Mm-hmm. They're always after my lucky charms. That's right. Sienna, what's up with the... You even had a thing today about the meaning of the scoop on St. Patrick. It's supposed to be about... Because St. Patrick's a real guy. Yeah. And his... I didn't even know this, but I guess his bit was, get out of here, snakes. Yeah. Yeah, he chased the snakes out of Ireland. Chased the snakes out. Now, over the last couple days, I guess, people have been... Googling everything St. Patrick's Day and what he really did. And was he even really Irish? Do you know? Really? There's a question that he might not have been Irish? He was born in Britain. Come on. Yeah. St. Patrick's not even Irish dude. No. It's okay. He helped. It's his day though, bro. Because he helped Ireland. Doesn't matter where he's from. He helped out Ireland. But we're celebrating Irish stuff. We should be celebrating British stuff. The Statue of Liberty is from the French. Exactly. I know it's a gift from France, but we don't have a Statue of Liberty Day. Our forefathers were from Britain. So, I mean, it's the way it is. He helped Ireland. Why are we not doing British stuff today? We should be doing British stuff. St. Patrick is from Britain. But he helped Ireland. Another one of the most popular questions asked, did St. Patrick rid Ireland of snakes?
It says, sorry, but no. It is true that there are no snakes in Ireland these days, but there never were any. Oh, wow. I think it's supposed to be some sort of symbol of paganism. Yes, you're right. It says, National Geographic speculates that the snakes could be symbolic of the pagan ways that St. Patrick drove out of Ireland. It must be kind of cool not having snakes in your place. Yeah, or pagans. Or on a plane. Or on a plane. You don't have any on a plane. You know what I mean? Neither do I. They have no snakes in Ireland all the way in? I'm sure there are some. Are you? There has to be, right? No. I've been snake hunting in Ireland. It's not a big deal. They're over there. I heard there's not any. You want to know how snakes ended up in Hawaii? How? There was no snakes in Hawaii. None in the islands of Hawaii. There was no real animals to speak of. Snakes got there from... Airplanes, tires. They started flying in there. Snakes on a plane. And they crawled and slithered their way into planes. And then when the planes landed in Hawaii. They're like, oh, this place looks pretty rad. Bedbugs can do it. So can snakes. So can snakes. They're like, we just came from Cleveland. Yeah. We're staying here. Yeah. This is amazing. Tropical, it's nice. It's expensive, though. The beachfront property is expensive. And maybe the other one was like.
But I don't know. I kind of miss Cleveland. I know you do. But listen, I've been working my butt off for the last 25 years. Gay snakes. Okay. Excuse me. I have been working my butt off for the last... You see, I don't even have any velvet left back here. So I want to stay here. Okay. Guess what? What? I miss the seasons. I have a little bit of island fever. That's the only thing I have. But my God, look around you. It's freaking tropical here. Oh, there's no doubt. It's gorgeous. Excuse me. What? Am I supposed to survive of just little tiny beetles and fruit? Listen, I'm sure that there's going to be some mice that'll come along. You guys have some freaking poi. There's so much to eat here. It's not even fine. Oh my gosh, poi is so gross. No, it's not. And why don't you pronounce sing your asses anymore? Yeah, what happens to you? Because I'm trying to assimilate here. You're going to just start singing. Saying things like aloha. Mahalo. Great. Mahalo. Stop it. We have to get rid of our S's. Hello. I'm going back to Cincinnati. There's not even an S in the Hawaiian alphabet. Yeah, we're out of here. Yes, there's not. Easy, Joe Hawaii. Ew, really? Easy, Tommy Bahama. Easy, TB. Tommy Bahama. I don't wear Tommy Bahama.
Easy. Sorry. Somebody's come out to the islands and fallen in love with a certain store. Shut it. Called Tommy Bahama. Just shed your skin and just wear some. Yeah. Why do you have tropical prints all over yourself? I hate you people. I don't wear Tommy Bahama. I don't. I'm not. Yeah, you're wearing it right now. You didn't wear green because Tommy Bahama doesn't make a green. Clearly. That's why he's wearing the grass skirt. Ooh, is it time? He's the old man who does science. It's time. He's the old man with technology. With technology. The old man who does science. The old man with technology. He blinded me with science. But he failed in biology. Jay is our 47-year-old producer. Wouldn't know it. No, you wouldn't because he's very young looking. But I'll tell you this. This is...
Fastly become one of my favorite things. No doubt. Scares me to death. Can you move the mic, Woodsy? Scares me. No, no problem, bud. Just trying to call the action. I cannot hear you, bro. It's on. It ain't working. I can't hear it. Jay's wearing a white lab coat. It's on. It's not in program. There we go. Now let's try it. He's wearing a white lab coat. Still not working. Wait. Now try it. Nope. Nothing. Give me two seconds. I've never run so much my whole life. Haven't I? So I like to run. Sue me. Sue me. That ain't nothing compared to the three triathlons I've run. Right. I was on my bike. That works. So today we're doing the experiment. It's called Soda Pop. Soda Pop. Soda Pop. What we've got is I've got, I've taken a soda bottle and I filled it full. Well, I'm running out of.
I filled it full of dry ice. That's a soda bottle? Yeah, it's like a bigger. It's like a one-liter soda bottle, empty plastic soda bottle. Are you going to tell us what's in it or no? Yeah, it's dry ice. It's just real simple dry ice. There was a whole lot more dry ice when I started yesterday, but I crumpled it up and put it inside the bottle. Okay. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to take a little water and pour it in there. I'm going to screw the top on, and then we're all going to run into that room because it's going to take a little bit, but it's going to. build up pressure inside the bottle until the bottle pops. Oh, wow. And it pops, and it's loud when it pops. Oh, wow. And you're putting on protective headgear again. Yeah, I'm going to put on protective eyewear just because it might pop quicker than I want it to. It's a whole... He's wearing like a paintball helmet. So you guys are going to want to go in the other room as well, I think. Okay. Oh, my gosh. Oh, boy. Don't hurt us. He's now got us all leaving the room. And I'm going to hook a string to the bottle because it has a tendency to take off like a rocket. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, I'm glad our general manager never witnesses. Purposely doesn't watch. Okay, he's got a bottle of water. He's going to pour it into the other bottle with the dry ice. He's now done that. It's smoking. He's going to now put a cap. Oh, wow. Jay is now screwing the top on the bottle. Oh, and he's running. Oh, gosh. He put it inside of a plastic container, and then he put a lid on it. Look out, Jay. He put a lid over the top of it.
I hope I got the top on tight enough. Does it make any noise when it happens? Oh, yeah. I don't want you to hurt yourself by going back to check. I kind of want to go check. Oh, Jay, I don't want you to check. I've got safety gear on. Yeah, but not your hands, bro. I just won't use them. You have to use them. What are you, 127 hours? Mikey, no. Oh, no, no, Jay. Jay. Jay. Oh, no, Jay. Jay's gone back. He's looking in there. Not without gloves, Jay. Oh, it's leaking. It's leaking. I'd rather that than you get hurt. He's shaking the plastic container that the bottle is in. Now he's putting on gloves. Oh, Jay, you scare me. Here it goes. It's crackling. He's jostling it.
Oh, gosh, Jay. It's getting bigger. Oh, my God. The bottle's getting bigger, so something's happening. Oh, gosh. Oh, God. He's running. Jay's running out of the way. Look at it. It's getting bigger. It's expanding. That is a big bottle. This is going to be. Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, wow. Did you see what it did? Did it blow the plastic off of the top of the... No, that's not good. That was the container it was in. Blew it to shreds. If Jay had touched that thing, Jay's hand would be gone. It would have blown off. It took one of those big, plastic, giant containers that you get at Target. I can't even talk.
It's a million pieces. It's one of those containers you would like slide under your bed to store stuff in, you know, with the lid. Oh my God. Is that hot? Rubbermaid. Gone. Blew it up. Unbreakable. It's my favorite bit and it's the scariest bit. Oh my gosh. It's the scariest, craziest thing. Listen, listen, we're going to post this video online. That was as awesome as last week. Oh, yeah. Last week's was awesome. Oh, my gosh. I get so scared. That thing blew up. Holy. It's in a million pieces. You know what I love about Jay? He's fearless. He could care less. He's the old man who does science. He's the old man with technology. Maybe our greatest myth. I love it. The old man who does science. The old man with technology. He blinded me with science. He's going to blind somebody with science. My eyes hurt. Remember when you were a kid and there was always one kid who was willing to do crazy things, but it wasn't you. You were scared. I'll give you an example. I loved seeing kids.
Holding bottle rockets. I would never do it. Because I was afraid. Jay was the kid that would do it. Y'all, let's go blow up a mailbox with M80s. And I'd be like, in a watch from a mile away. Jay was like, I'll do it. I'll do it. Oh, yeah. He was jostling it. I was kind of half. I would do half of it. I wasn't Jay, but I wasn't you. I was in the middle. As I was watching that container expand and expand, I was like, something is going to happen. I felt like this was the day that it was all going to go wrong. Oh, no, it's not working. Oh, that was. Well done, Jay. Oh, wow. I had my ears plugged. Possible my eyes are burning. Yeah, I had my ears plugged, so I don't even really know how loud it was. It was really loud with my ears plugged. Me too. It's scarier than all get up. It's scarier than all get up. My heart just can't take it. Me too. Me too. Me too. Wait till you see it. It's incredible. Video pictures. I hope it sounds good on the radio because it's intense. It's awesome. Okay. So speaking of intense and speaking of awesome, Jay put on the most ghoulish, scary leprechaun mask. And then he waited for us.
to come into the radio station over the past couple of days, and he scared us. This is Jay scaring me. Holy cow. Now, hang on. I was coming out of the bathroom. That's where he got me. Holy cow. Holy cow. Holy cow. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I think I just went to the bathroom. You did. Oh, no, I mean again. Oh, you are a maniacal freak. I've been waiting all day for this. Still has a mask on. Good. That got me. Can't just take it off. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, my gosh. That's awesome. We're going to post the video. Mike, you're a big player of the holy cow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy cow. Holy cow. In my ovation spot, I do an impression of Mikey, and I'm like, holy cow. It emails you're going to get one holy cow a day. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Sienna was not phased in the least. I should clarify. I got here extra early. I got here about 3.30 that day. Parked his car far away. Parked the car somewhere else. Came up in the studio, and I was fumbling with the camera. Sienna gets here really early before everybody else. I scared her with all the lights off. She walked in.
the camera wasn't working. So the second take on it was not nearly as good. So this was the next day he got her again, but it wasn't as good. Nothing. Are you a robot? I don't even think I like flinch. She says I'm like, hi, Jay. Nothing. I don't know why. Did he get me? He really jumped out, Tim. Here's Woods. Question before I play it. Over and under on bleeps. I will say over and under on bleeps, two. Over or under, Sienna? So you take the over. I take the over. I take the under. You take the under. There's just one. And Jay knows, so here we go. Holy cow. Another holy cow. Holy cow. Dude. Holy crap. I saw the door shut. I was like, he's going to get me. Did you see it coming, Woods? I did. I felt it. I walked in. That door, our studio door, is never shut in the morning. And I go, something jostled in the back of my memory. I'm like, something's up. And he came from behind the desk. Now, had I walked in here and seen Sienna and seen that everything was cool and he had been behind that door? Dead man. Yeah.
F-bombed the whole thing. I was actually under the desk, and I'd been sitting under the desk for 15 minutes. He was waiting forever. Poor guy. We saved the best for last. We sure did. You haven't... You don't even know, Mike. You don't even know. You don't even know. Have you not heard? L-O-B. Soundproof doors we heard through. Yep. L-O-B. Getting scared. Oh, my God. Okay. Gotta hear that again. From the top. Where were you? I had set up. I knew about what time Lauren was going to get here, so I set the camera up down the hallway, and then I hid over behind the elevators. The elevators come up. So I heard the elevators come, and I hit record, and then I laid in wait. Do you want to know the worst thing? What? I walk out of the elevator.
I see this fancy camera. It's like an industrial, like, news camera on the ground. And I see the light on, and I'm going, what's that? As I'm looking out. Oh, my God. I was sitting here doing news. Two soundproof doors. Yeah. I was in the other studio. Other across the way. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I can hear that from the room. That's right. Oh, my God. I can hear that sitting at my desk listening to audio. That's the greatest thing I've ever heard. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I thought she was being murdered. I'm sorry. That kind of a scream. Blood curdling. Blood curdling. Her body went rigid. She stood up as straight as she... Her eyes were bulging. It was fantastic. It gets funnier every time. Did you get her a second time? I did get her a second time as well. No way. Nothing compares, though. No.
Isolate, dude. Isolate. That's the greatest. It's the movie scream. It goes up. I can't wait to see the video. I just posted it. Oh, my God. Is that a Facebook page? Yeah, it's on the Facebook. It screams for so long. It must have registered that it was Jay, but you were still screaming. Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. It did register, and Jay was, like, just frozen in his weird costume. Oh, it's so great. If a nuclear reactor were to have the same issues here in America, like at, say, San Onofre, how bad would it be? One guy lays out the scenario, compares with Chernobyl. You'll hear about it.
When we come back, wow. The video of us getting scared is great. It's on Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. I know Chili Verde is probably not the best thing for a diet at this time of the morning, but it's what I'm craving. I'm craving anything. I'm so hungry. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, yesterday, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said that she won't, will not stay on her job for another term if... President Obama is re-elected in 2012. She said she has zero plans to run for president again or any interest in any other positions. Burn money. Also yesterday, the world's most expensive dog was purchased. A rare red Tabisha Nastiff. A puppy. 11-month-old dog named Hong Dong. Hong Dong? Sienna, you cannot make up. You can't make up names. It means big splash in Chinese. There's a wealthy Chinese man who bought the dog.
Guess how much he paid for this dog? $14. No, hold on. $140. No, $17,000. Not even close. $16,999. Not even close. $100,000. What's the actual retail price? This dog was sold for a million and a half dollars. U.S. dollars? Hong Dong. He paid more than $1.5 million for Hong Dong. Why is Hong Dong so expensive? They're known to be like guard dogs. Hey, babe. Have you seen, did you leave the freaking gate open? Yeah, I took the garbage out. Hong Dong is missing. I knew it. Oh, my God. He's missing. A million five for that dog. And you left the gate open. You stupid dummy. It's your fault. I know, but you didn't tell me that you had Hong Dong in the backyard. I thought that you had him in the bathroom. You're so stupid. What did you say? Text me or something. You would know where Hong Dong was. Hong Dong. 180 pounds. 180 pounds? 180 pounds? That's a big Hong Dong. What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? What's the matter with me? You didn't tell me you were going to put Hong Dong in the backyard? He was peeing. I know you let him in once he's done. You don't leave him out there. You left the gate open when you took the trash out. I know I did because Hong Dong's not usually back there.
Maybe shut the gate. Were you born in a barn? Maybe leave him inside. Why would I leave him inside? After he pees. After he pees. Be mad. It's a million and a half dollars. A million five. A million five. Thanks a lot, Bryce. Oh, thanks, Tors. You know what? Listen. Why are you calling him by my last name? Because it's your Torsy stupid fault. Torsy. Bryce Tors. A million five for a dog. Yeah, 1.5. Money well spent, Bryce. Just flush it down the toilet. That's quite a story. Is that it? Yeah, for news. What's going on? Oh, wow. Just a reminder, guys. 1.40 p.m. today, approximately, on TNT. The No. 2 seeded Aztecs will be taking on the No. 15 seeded Northern Colorado. Get some. Whatever they are. Also, I've got a couple stories about Chad Ochocinco, as usual.
So there's two stories, actually, really quickly. He is pursuing a new dream, and I'm sure it's not a publicity stunt at all. He is trying out for Major League Soccer today. Has he ever played? He started playing when he was at age four, but chose to focus on football in high school. And he's going to try out for the Kansas City team, the MLS team in Kansas City. And he's doing that this afternoon. Good luck to Chad and a four-day tryout, my friend. Shame on us if he makes it. I know. Well, they're looking and they said, hey, we're always searching for players who can help our team and bring in new talent. It doesn't hurt that it's Chad Ochocinco. Also, Chad Ochocinco went on a little shopping spree in late 2008 and 2009, but forgot to pay the $11,717 that those clothes would have cost.
took them and left. And now a judge in Cincinnati says, hey, dude, you've got to pay your bills, pal. $11,700 of clothes, including Laguna Beach jeans, $350, $400 Maury alligator shoes, and $575 bomber coat. I think it's weird that if you're a celebrity, you can go someplace and you don't have to give your credit card. You can just be like, bill me. Yeah. My people will take care of it. Yep. And he never did. So he's in trouble. Yep. Just write a chat. Emma and Lisa from Lakeside, what was word of the day? Verde. Congratulations, my darling. Thank you. You just won a four-pack of tickets to NASCAR's Nationwide Series, and you get to go see the Derby Dolls. And you won a creepy noise from Jay. Oh, yeah. That's free. That's the best. How old are you, Lisa? 27. Oh, wow. Almost right around Jay's daughter's age. Hey. Hang in line. Wow, that's not helping. Jay saw his own daughter. Yep. On a computer from far away. Yep. He's got 2080 eye vision. And he couldn't tell who it was. Woods always gives me the, like, hey, come look at this. So from across the room, he's like, oh, wow, that looks great. I'm going to come look at it. So he ran in here, and even when he ran right up to the computer, he goes, oh.
Yep. I was already making the noise. But then his eyes focused and he went with shock and horror to find that. That's my daughter. That's my daughter. Did you tell her that story? No. And I thought we would never repeat it. Of course. Does Kim know that story? No. Nobody. So far as I know. Oh, I'm so sorry. I think they know. They're just embarrassed to say it. Who isn't? Yeah. Who isn't? Poor Jim. Threw himself onto the beanbag chair and threw his back out. That hurt my back. Threw my back out. Probably hurt my hip. Dang it! Okay, so this is a guy that was making a comment about what would happen here in the United States if we had something happen to our nuclear reactors like it's happening in Japan right now. What would happen? The World Health Organization estimates 4,000. 8,000 Americans alone per year from melanoma. Okay, so what he's saying is, we may be blowing it out of proportion. The amount of people that could be affected, it's way more people affected by melanoma every year than could be affected by, say, a nuclear meltdown. But, who knows? Have you guys seen the bullying video? Oh, yes. Now, if you haven't, if you haven't seen the bullying video,
It's really, really incredible. In fact, hey, Jay, do you have a copy of the bullying video? I don't think I do. I have it on my computer. Yeah, you can just shoot it over to me. Shoot it over to Jay. Okay. We'll have him load it on our Facebook page. Happened in Australia. It's a chubby kid. What? What? And this little punk comes up to him. Chubby kid, I believe, is 15 and the bully is 12. Little skinny bully. Yeah. Little skinny bully comes up to him and the chubby kid has his arms to his side and the little skinny kid comes up to him and punches him right in the face and then starts to do this little shadow box thing and punches him again.
One of the kids that's watching and filming goes, this isn't even funny. Come on. There's a teacher walking up behind and the kid goes to punch him again. And this time the chubby kid blocks the punch and then grabs the skinny kid and picks the skinny kid up and body slams him. And when he body slams him, he body slams him right by a little what looks like cement planter box. And one of the things that stops the kid's momentum is the planter box. Stops the momentum of his leg. So as he's body slammed, his face comes in contact with the concrete. His leg comes in contact with the planter box, which dazes the kid. The bully gets up. He's stumbling. He can't walk on the leg. And it looks like one of his eye sockets is pretty battered.
Now, as I'm watching it, my instant reaction is, I think I want to see this 900 more times because of the satisfaction that I take from the bully getting what's coming to him. And then the conflicting thought, at least for me, is the fact that this bully, jackhole or not, is pretty hurt himself. You know, I'm struggling with, well, you know, is that the right way to respond? Thought two is, well, isn't it self-defense? Isn't he just defending himself? I'm going to be as completely honest as I can be, as transparent about it as I can be. I got a son that's autistic. I'm worried about my son being the victim of being bullied. And so I take a lot of satisfaction in watching this bully.
And I hate bullies. Me too. Just so you know, I've got a real thing for bullies. And so there's a satisfaction watching it. So in my transparency and telling you how I feel about it, I'm really conflicted. I almost need somebody to call me and tell me, well, bro, you can't respond to violence with violence, although that's not a compelling argument enough for me. Right. My own faith. says, turn the other cheek. However, I'm not so sure that... Hey, Jay, you got your mic on so I can hear... Oh, I know what it is. It's that other mic. It's the other mic. Got it, got it, got it. I'm not so sure that that's not meant to be hyperbole. And is that what you're supposed to do? Turn the other cheek over and over and over and over and over? Well, it doesn't list...
Because this kid took some punches, and you know it wasn't the first time. I'm not convinced that the turn of the other cheek isn't hyperbole, though. Sure. You know what I mean? Yep. Because it also says that if something is causing you to be tempted to gouge your eye out, and I don't think that they necessarily mean to gouge your eye out. Yeah, go take it. Every time you see a hot girl. You know? I'm conflicted. I don't know what the answer is. And it really got me to thinking, well, what do I teach Jake? What do I teach Jake? Do I teach Jake just sit there and get punched? No. Nope. No way. No, no, no, no. Now, hang on a second. Wait a minute, though. One part of me, is that just our natural gut instinct says, you know what I mean? No. You say no. No.
Kim actually turned me around a little bit on this because with our kids, I always taught them, hey, if somebody hits you, you respond appropriately. She turned me around on it. What she did was she said, first off, have them go to the principal or a teacher, and you get hit once, you go to the teacher, and you go, look, this guy's hitting me. If they don't step forward and stop it, then you retaliate with, you don't even have to be, if they act like they're going to hit you, then you're all in. And I said, When you leave that, you make sure that they know who won. So that's the only change I made. Because the way I was raised, somebody hit you, you destroyed them. Don't throw the first punch, throw the second punch, make it hurt. But I'm not even like that anymore. I mean, if somebody is going to come after you, the first punch can be the ender of it all. Can you get my wife on the phone? I'm interested to see what my wife would say. Well, you know, dude, the thing is, is that's different, man. If some kid... Being bullied and getting in a fight are two different things. I was bullied. I was bullied in seventh and eighth grade. And it stuck with me. I had a lot of problems down the road. I make my own bed and lie in it. But, dude, I was a jacked up kid because of it. Jacked up. Like, didn't want to go to school. Acted out in school. There was four guys. And I don't understand because we would be friends for a while. Then we weren't. They jacked with me so hard. Never one-on-one. Always four against one.
it's still in my head. Like, it still makes me sad to think about. Can you genuinely figure out what it did to you? Like, what it, like, adversely? I'll never forget till the day I die. It's one of my most embarrassing moments. No, no, no. No, no, but I'm embarrassed about it still. My mom came to get me up for school, and I was bawling crying. I was like 7th or 8th grade, and I go, I'm not going. And she's like, why? I'm like, because I'm tired of getting bullied every day. I'm not going in. And she's like, okay, stay home. So I stayed home that day and was like, you know, just one day apiece. And then the next day, me and her went to the principal's office and talked to them. And they're like, well, we'll keep an eye out for it. I was in the principal's office with my mom, and I could see those clowns outside the window. And I got it worse after that. Finally, at a dance, I just beat the crap out of one of them. I go, you're all going to get me. He's going to die. Like, that was my attitude. I'm going to beat him. Close to death as I can get it before the teacher comes and gets me. You all may be getting me, but he's going down. And that's what happened. Here's my question for you, though. How did it change you negatively? Oh, dude. My self-esteem was in the toilet. I was... I think that it...
It really messed with my head, man. Like, it really messed with my head, and I didn't trust people, and I was like, you know, I don't get it. We were buddies. We were talking about Notre Dame football, and then you push me into a locker or something. Right. You know, it's brutal. It's just brutal. Hey, honey. Hey. This is my wife, Rebecca. Jay's got to go. Jay actually has to fly to Houston. Yeah, I got to bail. Oh, bye, Jay. Good luck, buddy. Bye. We love you. Bye. Love you guys. Have a safe trip. Okay, so honey, did you hear what we were talking about? Yeah. Okay. So if a kid came up to Jake and punched Jake, what would your expectation be for Jake? You know, it's such a hard thing for me. I've struggled with it, partly because I didn't have any brothers, you know. And so any sort of, like, physical violence never really was a reality for me growing up.
And I just, my instinct is to say, you know, you never solve things with physical violence. And if they're punching and we're teaching our children that that's wrong, then why on earth would we teach them to, you know, respond in a way that's physical? Right. However, the reality of Jake getting bullied is a difficult one. It's pretty likely. that at some point he's going to encounter some bullying because of his special needs. And, you know, I think at this point, I think I would probably agree with Kim, Jay's wife, that, you know, the first course of action is to try to get it handled in a nonviolent way. Get your parents involved. Get the administration involved. Wait, wait, wait. Can we stop there for a second? Sure. I don't ever see that.
going good for Jake. I see how it could make it worse. You go to the authority figure there, you're a wuss. You're a wussy. You know, I have a question though. What about the guy, and this very well could be Jake, what about the guy who literally can't beat up the bully? You know what I mean? They're not big enough. They're not strong enough. And so they fight back, and then they get their butt speed even more. Okay. The case where that's going to happen is when it's four against one. Not necessarily. Hang on. But you can be bigger and get your butt kicked. Yeah. And all that it takes is for the smaller guy to know what they're doing. Right.
Yeah, but I agree with Rebecca that that's not always the case. The smaller guy may try to fight the bully, and a lot of times the smaller guy or the guy that's getting picked on can win, but not every time. But I'll tell you what, there's no winners. Listen, there's no winners. The thing that the kid that's – let's use Jake in a hypothetical, okay? If Jake fights back, that's going to make that bully more than likely less apt to go after Jake again. If Jake fights back with a – fury and a vengeance. And he knows what he's doing. See, if a kid doesn't know what they're doing, that's what I'm saying. He needs to. If a kid doesn't know what he's doing. I was 37 years old before somebody taught me how to punch someone correctly. I didn't even know. Okay, well, in Jake's case, and I know his case is unique, you know, but in his case... And I know you don't even necessarily agree with this, but I know for a fact, you know, that he has some impairment in his motor ability. He's four. His ability. He's four. As he gets older, it's going to get, I think it'll get better as he gets older. Okay, but comparatively, he's probably always going to, it will get better, but so will the other kids. And comparatively, you know, the other kids are going to be better with hand-eye coordination, you know, even strength. Jake doesn't have a ton of strength, you know.
I just feel like, I don't know, it's really hard. It's really, really hard. And I think it's different, too, for a kid that has special needs, you know, because there's so much more going on than just the physical aspect. And listen, this is what I will do. This is what I will do. I'll do what CB talked about when we were golfing. Yeah. I'll go there and talk to the kid myself. There's no question. And at that age? I don't care. I will too. And if any parent has a problem with it, let's talk. I'm just saying it won't make it better for the kid. I'm not going to put my hands on it. Oh, it stopped it in this case. It stopped it in this case. This kid was picking on his daughter and he went there and he said to the kid, you touched my daughter and he scared the crap out of them. Scary dude. And I think I could be scared. And I'd go to a kid and I'd say, If you touch my kid again, I'm going to come back here. And if I come back here, it's going to be really bad. Before you do that, though, I think that you should be contacting the bully's parents. Oh, boy. You're talking an adult. These are adult thoughts. Kids don't function like it. You go to the proper authorities first. Yeah, but I don't care if my kid's a bully or not. If I find out that someone came up to my kid and threatened him as an adult. Go ahead. You don't care if your kid's a bully? I care if my kid's a bully, but I don't.
a bully as a child compared to a bully as an adult I would have no problem I would have no problem saying to that mom this is going to freak you out oh my gosh I would I'm enraged that you would do that to my child if my child is a bully or not they're a child not me you're being a child by doing that you are not me and you know what I'd say to you it's interesting like you say to me you go you say to me I can't believe you blah blah blah and I go good parenting job You're threatening a kid. But you're a grown man. You're threatening a child. You can't do that. Hey, mom of the year. Oh, my God. Mom of the year. That's even more childish. Mom of the year. Mom of the year. Mom of the year. Mom of the year. Mom of the year. We're all grown up little kids. We're all grown up little kids. Please tell me you wouldn't really do that. He would. I would, too. CB did it. Hey, listen. Oh, so we should all threaten children. No, listen. All I'm telling you is that parent. Wasn't doing anything about it. Maybe that parent wasn't informed. You informed the parent first. Okay. Like I say with Rebecca, I'll do it, like if you're my wife, I'll do it your way. I always defer to the mom. So if I was married to you, Sienna, I would say...
We'll do it your way. Men have this rage. Oh, yeah. Even now. I'm saying you have to calm down and use your head before you go after a child. I was going to say, because he didn't lay his hands on the kid. It doesn't matter. You do not threaten a kid. Dude, if it was, hey, if it was Sagey, Todd would be up at that school. Absolutely. He would be up at that school. I'm going with him. Yeah, and I would, too. Oh, trust me. I would want to do the same, but I would say no, and I would be on the phone with that kid's parent. Okay. If the kid's parent did nothing, then I would say, babe, go ahead and you can say something. That's one extra step. That's good. But you go to that child, the parent first, so that they're at least aware of the situation. I'm worried about it. I'm worried about going to the parent. You know why? I'll tell you. I'll just tell you. I'll tell you. Because you could and probably will make it worse for Sagey. You're going to make it worse. You make it worse by going to the kid too, though. You're bullying that kid and you're doing exactly what you're telling that kid not to do. It's true. You are bullying that kid a little bit. So was the fat chubby kid that body slammed the other kid. He was self-defending. He was self-defending himself. I see her point. I see her point. But I'm very impressed with what he did. Now, if I'm a dad and my little girl.
comes up and gets me daddy they're picking on me at school they're picking on me school jamie's going to have to tie me to our bed from me ripping somebody's throat out now with jakey let somebody bully jake he's mike's jake's dad jake's my boy i will i'll be like dude i got this just so you know like this is one this is probably oh it's so the hardest topic that i've ever spoke on yeah because it's very it's very emotional yeah And it's hard for me to separate. Hard for me to separate. Oh, no, I get it. Like, because of Jake's unique situation, I'm practically like, oh, really? An eight-year-old picked on my son that's autistic? I'm going to punch that eight-year-old in the face with a closed fist, and I'm going to have brass knuckles on, and I hope I knock his teeth through the back of his head. No, I'm just saying, imagine that eight-year-old. Going home and telling his parents that some adult came up and their parents not even knowing about the situation. Because my kid's autistic, I want to punch the parent's teeth through the back of their head. But he may not know. I'm sorry. I understand. This is very emotional. Yes. Through the back of the head. I'm with you. I get it. I would want to, too. But you have to try and at least inform the parents so that they can do their job.
I was a big sister to someone with special needs. And she's two years younger than me. And there would be kids younger than her. And I used to say to them, like, I'm going to put you in the ground. I'm going to kill you if you do anything. And I know that that was wrong if there's a five-year-old. Can I tell you this? I will. Now, this I can say. The rest of it I had as, like, the rest of it I had as, like. I'm not really sure. I'm conflicted, blah, blah, blah. What I'm about to tell you, I am not conflicted about it all, and I mean this, and I will instruct my boys of this. If it's a brother, or if it's one of you guys, okay? If it's a brother, I will tell Luke and Ryan. This is their instruction. They will have to deal with me, Luke and Ryan. If they see Jake being picked on, and they don't stick their fist with the intent, to break that child's nose. Yeah. With prejudice. With extreme prejudice. Agreed. With extreme prejudice. That's right. Well, I think that the kid should stick up for their brother. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You have to start with words. No. I'm with you. I am 1000% on board. I am going to tell my boys, first of all, make sure that your fist is as tight as it can get and make it as straight.
Your fist is a part of your arm. And I want you to pretend that the back of their head on the child is the target. The back of their head is the target. No, no, no, no, no. This is biblical. And I will teach my boys this. It is an honor to lay your life down for your brother or friend. As hard as it can. What if you hurt that person? It means you defend. Terminate. With extreme prejudice. As hard as you can. Now, me as an adult, no. But when you see your brother, if I saw somebody doing something to you, Sienna, I am going to, with extreme prejudice, defend you. that person was hurting me, I would understand. If that person was just like, oh, you loser, oh, you're ugly, you don't go up and punch him in the face. No, no, no, no. I think he's talking about a fight. You never said that. Okay, I'm glad you point that out there. Because I'm thinking they're picking on him with their words and you just go up and punch him in the face. But Jake is different. If somebody is making fun of their autistic brother, beat the crap out of that kid. I might be with you, Woods. I'm 100% on my mind.
You have to start with words. Jake doesn't understand what's going on. He doesn't understand why he's different. So you teach Jake, okay, when you don't like something, you punch something. No, no, no. Here's the deal. If Jake was capable, I would teach him that of Luke and Ryan as well. But if we're talking about what happened in that video where the kid got punched, if somebody punches Jake... Oh, yeah. Luke and Ryan, better. Not should, better. Not I hope they do. Not I hope they do. It'd be nice if you did. The instruction is put your fist through their face in defending your brother. I don't agree with the wording of putting your fist through their face, but I agree, yes. If someone is hurting someone that you love, physically, you jump in and you help them. Who's that, honey? Who do you think? Sweet little Ryan. I know. Does Ryan ever cry? Does Ryan ever cry? Ryan cries sometimes like all day long. Sometimes all the time. Meaning all day long. Wow. Yeah. Our phone lines right now may short circuit. They may short circuit because they're blowing up to a point.
that they may short circuit. We're all very passionate. So when we come back, we'll take your calls. I love you, hon. Love you. Bye. 570-1949. Give us a call. Tonight's 80 o'clock album is Flagging Molly. How appropriate. It's St. Patrick's Day. The album is called Swagger, which is a great lead-in to our topic of bullying. It's a big thing right now because of this viral video that's going around that came out of Australia. This chubby kid that gets punched by this bully picks the bully up, body slams him to the ground, and this kid that gets body slammed gets up limping with a busted up eye. And I'm telling you that as a person watching it, you kind of go, there you go, kid. Good for you. There's another part of you that's like, man, do you respond to it?
with violence you know and it's really tough you know what did it for me what sealed the deal was the punches to the face the two punches to the face while the kid has his arms at his side and he's just standing there yeah you know that's had the kid come up and pushed him fine whatever push back don't body slam him the punches in the face the punches in the stomach dude Do what you got to do. The guy getting bullied, he didn't fight back initially. He waited and he kept, you know, the bully kept poking and then you snap. And it boils over. Yeah. Take it from me. He did the right thing. Been boiling over for the last 22 years. So, you know, hey, Jesse, come in here. Jesse is filling in for Jay. And did you ever have bullying in high school? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could either way. Either way. You go in there. You could do it on this mic. I'm here now. I have an extended and ridiculously long story about that, actually, if you want me to get into it. I do. That involves police being called, a lawsuit, and me being in court records as having officially and legally received a beating. Really? Wow. Yeah, yeah.
What happened? Well, ultimately, I got my first CD player out of it. So that was cool because we sued the family. Yeah. But what happened is every day I would walk home from school and I would get hassled by these group of kids that would be playing on their half pipe in one of the driveways on the way. And they would hassle me every day and it was no big deal. And one day I just went, I'm going to talk to him. I'm going to say, what's up, man? Right. Back off a little bit. I don't remember exactly what I said, but. It was basically to that effect that... Back off. Could you leave me alone, man? Right. You know, I'm not doing anything to you guys. Mind my business. How old? I'm mid-teens, early mid-teens. Yeah. Somewhere between 13 and 15. I couldn't tell you exactly. I don't remember if it was late junior high or early high school, but somewhere in that area. Right. And the kids were probably about the same age. So I would come home every day, walk past the same, and like I said, one day I just went... I'm going to say something. I'm tired of it. And I'm not a physical guy, obviously, not athletic. I got my P.E. credit in high school by doing marching band is how athletic I was. So one day I just I talked to them. And rather than I'm an idealist sometimes when it comes to dealing with people, I like to think that people are generally decent. And, you know, when you talk to someone as a person.
You'll react to a person as a person rather than just that guy. Right. So what ended up happening, though, they ended up following me. And I, instead of going home because I didn't really want them to know where I lived. Yeah. This was a gang, like half a dozen or so kids. Oh, my gosh. So I went past my home and I just started making a big arc around the block and started just. trailing across several blocks I probably walked and they kept following me they did not let up they kept going until they started to realize it became very clear I was just walking in circles and I ended up this is the part where it gets foolish on my part and again a little bit hopeful I went back there to find an adult to talk to an adult this time to say this needs to stop to the half pipe house yes okay yes and they're still following you No, no, no. They realized I was walking in circles, so they gave up a while back. And instead of talking to them, I went to the door. And they started gathering up around me as they had before and giving me a problem about things, just yelling at me, threatening me, stuff like that. And they said, what are you doing here? And I said, I'm here to find an adult. Is there anybody here who's responsible?
basically and i was told that the brother of one of the kids was there and i so i knocked on the door and the guy who answered the door ultimately ended up threatening me with his gun um and i basically said i'm i clearly did not find a responsible adult here uh i i went home they left me alone at that point um i talked to my dad later who had you ever talked to your dad about it before no It wasn't a thing before. It was normal kid hassling. Right, right, right. You know, it wasn't anything to think of. Guy gets a gun, though. It changes things. It's a little different. Yeah. Well, okay, let me back up. This is the part that I missed. This is a big part of what I missed. On my way out that time after he threatened me, I head back home. They started gathering up around me again, and then I don't know who threw the first punch. I do know that I ended up on the street, balled myself up, protected my face with my arms. Like I said, not a physical guy. My main defense is I'm mildly charming. But that didn't seem to work here. So one of the kids had a cast and he started beating me with his cast. Oh, good Lord. And then they ended up pulling him off of me.
And I walked home in the rain because it's dramatic that way, so that was cool at least. I heard a fiddle somewhere in the distance. A low saxophone was wailing as the fog rolls in. There was a guy just sitting on a corner. Yeah, exactly. So I'm heading home. And I called off my patrol meeting because I was a Boy Scout leader at the time. You're in your mid... To low teens. Yeah, 13, 14, 15, something like that. I don't remember exactly. I'm sure I could look it up and find an exact date on this. So I head home. I talk to my dad. Who calls the cops? Are you black and blue? I don't know. I really don't remember. You blocked stuff out. I was trembling. I know I was trembling. And it was more from rage than physical pain. Because I can deal with pain. That's whatever. But it was the rage inside me because I didn't know what to do. Because I knew if I did anything, it would only get worse. Because there was a half a dozen very athletic guys and me. And even if you were athletic.
It's six to one. It's six to one. That's the thing. They rarely fight fair, too. Is this the first that your dad's hearing about it? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Like I was saying, it was never a deal before. It was just kids hassling kids. Wow. I don't like to bring people into my stuff, but it was something that reached a point that I needed to go to someone else. So what happened? Called the cops. The cop went with me to go back there. I sat in the car while the cop talked to the people involved. My dad stayed home because he didn't want to be the one getting arrested. Good move. Yeah. And I appreciated that. And ultimately, we ended up taking them to court and winning. And there were restraining orders and money was exchanged. So did you... have to stop walking by that house? No. So you continued to walk by that house? Oh, yeah. And you would see them? My grandmother lived on that block. So you would see them? My grandparents lived on that block. Even after the lawsuit and all that stuff, you saw them? Yeah, I tried not to. I had run into them. Actually, since then, since I have become an adult, I've run into them. Oh, my goodness. And been mild. I didn't know who it was.
He identified himself, flicked a cigarette at me, and I'm like, I don't know who you are. As an adult? Holy cow. He still was bullying? I had no idea who the guy was. And he saw you out somewhere and goes, hey, you remember me? Yeah. Oh, my God. And I'm like, I don't even know you. Oh, my God. Who are you? I want to punch him in the face. I do, too. Are you serious? Yeah. I had no idea. They held a grudge. Like I said, there was a restraining order on them. I could walk past their house. They were a little confused about this because I was not violating any restraining order. Because my grandparents lived on that block. And were they like saying stuff to you? In other words, after the restraining order and after the lawsuit and all that, when you walked by them, did they keep their mouth shut? They had to stay away from me. I know, but did they yell stuff out at you? No, no. So they just kept their mouth shut? They did, yeah. Yeah. Apparently they went through their lawyers to find they went to the trouble to find out that, yes, I am allowed to walk freely about my city. Yeah. Right. They can't come near my house or my family. But there was nothing against me. How long ago was it? How long ago was it that this guy did the cigarette thing? Oh, man, it would have been. I don't know. It was after high school. How old are you now?
I'm 36. Okay, so this was after high school, but not far after high school? Yeah, yeah. I was in college at least at that point. So it would have been somewhere in the early 90s. What a monster, man. There's a little bit of satisfaction that I had such an effect on his life that he had that imprinted on him. Still boiling inside of him. So there's a little bit of satisfaction from that, that somehow I... meant that much to him. I think that there should be legislation that puts kids in juvie for no less than three months. And if it's my kid that has to go to juvie, I'm okay with it. If my kid bullies somebody, and it's proven, I want them in a kid jail for no less than three months. Does that reinforce the culture, though, that this is the way you deal with things with extreme measures? Well, you get punished. What I don't like is that right now, bullying, there's not a lot of punishment for it. There's not a lot of consequences. There's not a lot of consequences. They separate you. I know in our case, when I was bullied, I was at a dance. The night I snapped and had my moment, four guys standing around me and my girlfriend. We're dancing to Stairway to Heaven. They start all pushing me back to each other. I finally just turned in one of them. Ben Resnick.
I know him. I know where he lives now. He lives in Seattle. Seattle. Seattle. I just turned around and I dropped him. One punch. And I just jumped on top of him and just whack, whack, whack. And all the other ones started beating on me. They came. What did they do? You sit here, Woods. You guys sit here. Mr. Woods, you need to come get your son from the school dance. That was it. Separated us and that was it. Did they bug you anymore? Yeah. They still did. Absolutely. When I moved from Connecticut the last night, I got a note. From when we were juniors in high school, he wrote me a note. He goes, tonight's going to be a night you'll never forget. I'm going to find you, and I'm going to F you up. Did he? No. See? So he did it with paper, but he didn't do it with... Right. Well, they never would do it one-on-one. And I would say that. I'd go, all right, let's go. Me and you. When I worked at Rock 102, see, it's one of the only times I can remember being bullied. Todd Kelly was the afternoon DJ there. Bullied me. How old were you? Started out as friends. Started out as friends. I was 26, 26, 27. And he said something to the effect of, I remember him saying to me one time, because I had left him a voicemail. I'd had enough. I left him a voicemail. I was like, dude, freaking get off my back, get off my case, blah, blah, blah. And he goes, I walked into the studio, because I did nights, and he goes,
I have that voicemail that you left, and if I wanted to, I could gut you like a salmon. I'll never forget that phrase. What? I could gut you like a salmon, and I could play it on the air. And I remember being like, go ahead. Go ahead. The only thing at the time that kept me from hitting him was that I knew we'd get fired. And so I remember I went to the boss, which was Greg Stevens at the time, talked to him about it. He calls us both into his office, talks to us, and I'm like, oh. Oh, my gosh. It was just, it was horrific. Yeah. And I'm show prepping, and he walks in there after we just talked to him, and he goes, and he said something like, F you. Yeah. Right afterwards. And I'm like, are you kidding? Like, we were adults. Yeah. I mean, to this day. Wow. To this day, I'm still like, are you, are you? I know. 570-1949 is our number. M1 Dawn from San Diego.
Hey, you guys could make me cry because as a mother of somebody who's been bullied, it really sucks as a parent because, like you guys, you don't know what you do. Because it's like you tell your kid to fight back and, you know, that just escalates things. Do you go to their parents? That just makes it worse on your kid. In my case, and like you said, it's weird because they always do it in numbers. Yep, always. Cowards. Cowards. Yeah, and they were doing it at school, and there was four or five of them, and there was a girl involved. There wasn't anything physical, but they were making comments about what they thought my son's sexual orientation was, which he isn't, and even if he was, it doesn't matter. Yeah, who cares? So I ended up, I didn't find out about it for like a few weeks. My kid didn't want to go to school. He had stomach aches, headaches, the whole nine yards. Finally, his sister tells me. Mom, he doesn't want to go to school because he's getting bullied. I go, what? So I sat him down, and he goes, Mom, I don't want you to do anything because I don't want them to get in trouble for it. Thinking of other people as always, you know, because that's the type of kid he is. And I said, I told him, I said, you have the right to go to school and want to go to school to learn and not be bullied. You know, you shouldn't have to be afraid to go, oh, what's today going to be like? And I have to say...
Love it. Yes. Hate crime. Hate crime. It's a hate crime. Wow. Now, he's in middle school, so, you know, if somebody came to me and said, your son's doing this, I know what I would do to him at home. So they were hoping that, you know, by talking to parents, that it would get the kids on board for what happened. Needless to say, the girl still kept doing it. She did get suspended from school. And one of the boys that was doing it, he actually is my son's friend now. He apologized to him because they made him understand what it's like.
felt like. And he apologized to my son and they're friends now. So I'm really happy about that. But you know what? I told him too because, you know, after the whole big talk, a few of the kids were telling him he was going to get jumped after school. So now, you know, he's not getting harassed that way. Now it's, you know, I'm going to kick your butt. And I told him, I said, you know what? I'm a single mom. But I told him, I said, if one of them, I said, first rule of thumb, you never give the first punch because that's a person that always gets in trouble. I says, but you're going to make him remember if he hit you because you're going to square punch him straight up the nose that he's going to see. Good for you. So awesome. So I totally understand where you guys are coming from. I feel for you, Woods, because you went through it. I can only imagine what your mom and dad thought. But, and Mikey was your kid. I think you have the right idea to tell your sons to watch out for their brother. Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, I mean, I understand where L.B. and them are coming from, you know. You know, I don't think the parents should get involved saying something to the kids. You know, there's steps you can take, but, you know, teach your kids it's not right to do it. It's not right for them to have to receive it. You know, when you do the way things you're supposed to, and if that doesn't work, then you make them see stars.
Hey, thank you very much for the call. I really appreciate it. Hey, Mikey, one other thing. Yeah. I got one of your Be Different bracelets because I gave it to my son because when you first came out about it, that's when he was having that problem. And my son wears it because he thinks you guys are awesome and he thinks the Be Different thing. I think something like that should be instated in the school because it does make a difference. But I just wanted you to know that you did make a difference. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. You guys have an awesome day. Thanks, Don. You too. Boy, that is a great opportunity to know about Be Different. Be Different is something that I started for that very reason. It's a black bracelet that I'm wearing right now that Woods has got on right now. And it's a pact that we take as a culture that says that we can be different and make a difference. And it means treating other people with kindness and love. And I urge you to go to BeDifferentPact.org. to get one of those bracelets. We'll be back. Happy St. Patrick's Day. Let's test that microphone in there. Check, check. Yeah, it's working. Yeah, it's working. All right. Gross stuff. Sienna, what's going on in news? Well, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, the new life expectancy has passed 78 years old, which is a new record. Yeah.
You may already know women do live longer than men most of the time. 80 and a half years, they say, while men make it roughly their average is 75 and a half. Happy birthday, ladies. Yeah. Well, ladies in general don't treat themselves as badly as men do. No, we try not to. A huge international pedophile ring has been broken up after a three-year investigation. 230 kids were rescued from abuse in more than 30 countries, and 184 suspects were arrested. Yeah, the website, it was an Amsterdam-based internet forum called boylover.net. Oh, God. Ben busted, so that's good news. Busted. Children saved. It's filthy. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Next weekend in New Orleans are the NFL owners meeting. Some of the things that they're going to be talking about. They're always trying to make tweaks and things to make the game better. They're actually talking about moving touchbacks. You know, when you kick it into the end zone on a kickoff, a touchback will now be moved to the 25-yard line. Oh, wow. That's one of the things there. Isn't that weird? Yeah. When I heard it, I go, it can't be the 25. It's the 20. Well, what would keep a team from doing a touchback now?
If that were the case, what would keep you from doing a touchback? Unless you were absolutely positive. Yeah, you mean the guy that catches it on like the five? 25-yard line ain't so bad, bro. No, that ain't bad at all. It ain't a bad place to start. It seems a lot more than the 20, you know? And I'm like, you can't do it. It's got to be the 20. That's where you go. So we're all very, we don't like change. And this is one of the things they're talking about. Also, they're also cracking down on bullies in the NFL. They're cracking down on guys that increasingly. commit flagrant penalties and headshots and things like that, they have a really good chance of being suspended rather than fined next year. So a lot of interesting stuff happening. This was a sad story out of spring training. Atlanta Braves minor league manager Luis Salazar got hit in the eye with a foul ball, a line drive. They had to take his eye out. They did two surgeries, couldn't save the eye, had to take it out. So parents, hey, parents with your kids on the baseball diamond. Keep them safe. Keep them protected. And make sure if you're at a game, you're watching the play. Because that ball going that fast can hurt. I don't know what Ciro just smelled, but it made him recoil back like, whoa! Hi, Ciro. Oh, wow. Hi. Hi. We're doing a bit called From Ciro to Hero. Oh, wow, L.O.B. Straining quite a bit. L.O.B., do you want to change seats?
So you'd have a better view. I wanted to see what he was smelling. Uh, Ciro. Yeah. Are you sharp today? It's a 94.9 shirt. Yeah, that's all it is. Yeah. And his hair is all nice and gelled. He always looks sharp. True. Ciro. Yeah. What you're going to be doing today since it is St. Patrick's Day. is we are going to put a bunch of green things into a blender and blend them up into a puree, and then you're going to consume it. Oh, yeah. Why don't you name some of the things that... Well, name all the things. Name it all. Okay. I'll start with the sweetest, which is... Me? No. That was Adam. You're clearly the sweetest. Oh, wow. Mint chocolate chip. We have... Pickles. We have pepper jelly. Mild pepper jelly. Pepper jelly or mint jelly? Pepper jelly. Pepper jelly. You just call it jelly. And then we have lemon juice, jalapeno, cut green beans. We have cilantro. We have spinach. We have green Powerade. We have pesto sauce mix. We have olives.
Mint. We have green Tabasco. Russell Spouts. Sorry, Russell Sprouts. And then we have avocados and peppers. What did you smell that made you recoil? Oh, that's the best part. That's wasabi. Oh, wow. It's hideous. We just made that right now. Powdered wasabi. All of that is going into a blender. Hey, I want some of that ice cream. Weird. I'm going to go get some. Mint chocolate chip ice cream. I wouldn't put too much because you've got a lot of other stuff to put, Adam. That's the base of the smoothie. Woods just ran to ice cream. Ice cream! Ice cream! Easy, Ben and Jerry. Oh my gosh, he's eating it out of the carton. Woods! Maybe other people want some. Oh, wow.
You already ate like 12 donuts. So he's Adam's blending just to get it sort of smoothed down. What's going in next? We got some mint leaves. Mint leaves going in. Fresh mint leaves. It's going to be so gross. See some green olives. Green olives. With some olive juice. Oh, gross. Ew, Adam doesn't say this. I know it. Fresh cut green beans out of the can. Ew, with the juice. Oh, with the juice. He's pouring the juice. With the juice. Those smell gross. I can't believe Ciro is going to eat that. Cilantro. I hate cilantro. I hate. What? Oh, gross with jalapeno juice. Oh my God. Adam. He likes them. Jalapeno with jalapeno juice in ice cream that's been pureed. I was eating those earlier. A little bit of Mountain Dew. Pepper jelly. Pepper jelly.
Gross. Ew, it's gelatinous. Phil. Oh, my God. Phil B. Oh, wow, Adam. Oh, my gosh. Brussels sprouts. Oh. I'm going to break these up a little bit with my hands. I'd blend. I'd puree. Yeah, I'm going to do that. I'd get it. Ew. Fresh, fat Brussels sprouts. Oh, it's raw. Oh. I feel so spooky. Ciro, are you worried or are you okay? I'm okay right now, but I'm a little concerned about the wasabi. What are you opening? Bell peppers. Pesto powder? This is pesto sauce mix. Is it powdered? Yes. Concentrated. It's disgusting. It's a little brown, but... Oh, he just winced smelling that powder. This is all green stuff. Avocado going in. All green stuff for... Shamrock shake. Shamrock shake. How much is he going to drink? Wiz is gagging.
Whoa, Adam. Oh, my gosh. He poured so much of that powdered pesto in there. Oh, the spinach. Or whatever's in spinach. E. coli. Iron. E. coli. Oh, I'm so sorry. Powerade. Green Powerade. Did you put the Tabasco? Oh, Tabasco. I found some Mountain Dew. Green Tabasco going in. I think it's jalapeno. Oh, my gosh. It's making me so sick. It's so gross. I know, I know. Plenty of that, plenty of that. Just so people know, this started with mint chocolate chip ice cream. And it's now had every kind of green vegetable. Mountain Dew. Green Tabasco. The wasabi gets him. Wasabi, jalapenos, pickles, olives. Now wasabi. The wasabi really gets him. Mint, cilantro. Dude. Oh, Adam. He poured. Dude. It's so strong. A baseball size of wasabi. He is a sadist. He is a sadist. That was the size of a baseball amount of wasabi. Adam, you're basically the guy from Saw. It's so green, though. It's beautiful. Oh, it's a gorgeous color.
Alright, once you pour it, I want to come in and smell it. Have him come in here. Oh, I need to smell it. We have to smell it. Dude, that is bad. That is bad. Let me see. Oh! Okay. I'm going to say... I'm going to say I wouldn't have him gulp that. He can't sip it. Because if, I know, but if he gulps it. Just have the trash can. Have the trash can. Gulp it. No. I have to. Stip it. And I don't, and I'm going to make an executive decision. I don't want him to consume the whole thing. Yes. No. Yes. No. Oh. It's going to be real difficult. Shirtless, Mike. Shirtless. Shirtless. What if I do? I will not be happy with you. Okay? What do you mean? It's going to be really difficult coming out of me. Don't smell it. Don't smell it. You can take a gulp. Okay. Here it goes.
It's good You can take as much as you feel comfortable with cereal. Oh boy His face is contorted he's retching He's retching always finishing it. Oh gosh. He drank a pint of old Harvard perfect I think as an alcoholic, I'd rather drink a pint of Old Harper than that. Agreed. Oh my gosh. No more. No more. Hey, you're good. You're good. You're good. Thank you. He did just fine. He's acquiring a taste for it. Unbelievable. And we will put that video up soon. Back after this. Woodsy, where are you going to be then?
My friend, I will be at the Fun Bike Center in Kearney Mesa from 6 to 7. It's located 5755 Kearney Villa Road. Come out there, hang out with me for an hour, and you can win tickets to see Nuclear Cowboys, plus tickets to one of my favorite bands, TV on the radio. They are such a good band. Garrett said they're really good live, so I'll have some of those to give away. And then meet the writers from Nuclear Cowboys as well. And if you need more info, go to FM949SD.com. How Aussie could sing. Oh, yeah. She's a little angel, too. She's good looking. Yes, she was. She is. Sandy. What? I was just rocking and rolling. This weekend, I will be at the Better Men's Organization Breakfast at El Camino Country Club. It's behind the Hooters on 78 Freeway. It's funny to me.
Yeah. Well, because it's the Better Men's Breakfast behind the Hooters. That struck my funny bone. Yeah. It's off the 78. It is. Behind the Hooters, what are you going to do? Every guy knows where the Hooters is. That's true. Oh, I know right where that is. Yeah. Can you imagine if it was at the Hooters? Better Men's Breakfast at Hooters. Yeah. Probably wouldn't be any distraction. No. No. Of course not. 7.30 this Saturday morning. 10 bucks a person gets you. Bacon and eggs, sausage and pancakes. Ooh. A bunch of guys are going to show up for breakfast. Two guys eat for 20 bucks. That ain't bad. And you get to hear me give my spiel. We're usually done by nine. So it's pretty cool. You can also go to bmoinc.org to register for it.
Also want to mention my podcast on iTunes. It's called VOM. Since starting it Super Bowl Sunday, 23,000 downloads. Wow. Yeah. So we're cooking on that sucker, man. I subscribe to it. So when the new one comes in, it just automatically download? You can set it up to do that. I don't. I don't want to automatically download because it'll fill my computer up. So I want to go and pick and choose which ones I want. I'm getting emails from people in Indiana. It's awesome, dude. All over. I got an email from a dude that listens to it. It's on the NYPD. That is killer. Yeah. It's pretty awesome. So be warned. It's a Christian podcast. So I just want people to be warned. I don't want them going, oh, so this is like a whole. It's. Different. You're not doing Hoyle for 30 minutes. No. But I do some of the characters from, you know, the old days. Like me, dude. But you cannot do, you cannot let me speak on the air now because you'll get a cease and desist, bro. That's right. That's right, Beto. Don't say my name, dude.
You'll have the other company getting mad, bro. You don't want to make them mad. I occasionally pop on there, too. My name is Barbara, but I can't be heard on the radio. Agreed. Here. Right. The podcast? Fine. But not here. Yeah, dude. You're going to get us a CND, bro. Yeah. Which is illegal. It's a legal document, dude. And it comes in a vanilla envelope sometimes. Or a vanilla envelope, as Jay would call it. Yeah, it comes in a vanilla envelope. All right, so Sienna, tell me the gold nugget story. Oh, you guys. Sienna, she just calls it the story. The story. I just call it news.
The largest existing gold nugget has been sold at an auction. Now, the auction was on Wednesday night in Sacramento, and this gold nugget weighs 100 troy ounces. What? Oh, yeah. Explain. It's different than a Brad ounce. Right. They're just troy ounces. It's just a way that they measure gold, apparently. I should know. You know that. And it's valued around $200,000. It's sold for $400,000. There are six to seven people bidding on it. Did you bid on it, Sienna? Because you are from La Jolla. I may have. Actually, I didn't win, though, because it went to an anonymous phone bidder. Now, her name, his name, has not been released, but the largest existing gold nugget has been sold for $400,000 to an anonymous phone bidder. Mikey Show, hello. Well, it's not so anonymous. You could say it's me. It was me. Grandma? Yes, it's grandma. You got it? I was hoping. Well, I got it for you, darling. You did? I did. Wow. You know that I want to give you the best possible things that I can give. And so I would not stop. I was not going to be outbid. Thank you so much. I mean, you shouldn't have spent that much, though. That's a lot of money. Nothing is enough for you, dear, as you know. Yeah. Is that, like, for...
You know, an inheritance or what is that for? It's for her just being her. That's it? My birthday's coming up. I mean, in a couple weeks. Maybe it's a birthday present. I love you, my darling. You mean more to me than, well, if we're being honest, you mean more to me than any grandchild I have. Oh, you shouldn't say that. Hello? Hello, dear. Grandma. What? You got Sienna a golden nugget. Yes, I did, dear, but I got you something, too. What did you get me? A bronze turd. A bronze turd? Yes, darling, it's great. Why does Jenna get a gold nugget and I get a bronze turd? Darling, don't ask why you get one thing and your sister gets another. Yeah, she's not playing favorites, Waves. Don't worry. It's not fair. I'm not playing favorites. Aren't you? I'll get you two bronze turds.
I don't want a bronze shirt. I want a gold nugget. Fine, let me see what I've got here in my old trunk. Oh, I found something. A rusty nail from 1902. A rusty nail like a drink? No, an actual rusty nail. Freaking rusty nail. It could be worth something. Waverly, don't be greedy. Wait, darling. Wait, darling. Why do you always... Have to complain so. Well, the one time we were in the kitchen and you gave Jenna a hundred dollar bill. It was her birthday, darling. No, it wasn't, Grandma. It was a Tuesday. It was just a regular day. That's right. I gave you a nickel. You gave me one dollar. Oh, that's more than a nickel. You should be happy. I gave you a nickel. One stinking dollar. That's right. I gave you one one hundredth of the gift that I gave you. You love me one one hundredth as much. That's one way to look at it. But another way to look at it is you're a bronze turd. Everyone has a favorite, Wavy. Don't complain. Don't get so upset about it, darling. It's not that I love Sienna more than you. It's just that I love you less than I love Sienna. That's not fair.
I know it isn't fair, darling, but not all life is fair. Everything in life can't be fair, you know? I don't need your stupid old lady lessons. I just want the nugget and the money. Listen. Wow. Sienna? Yeah. I'm going to have the gold nugget curried over to your house. Thank you. Oh, I can't wait. And don't worry, Wavy. I'll have some bicyclist bring you over an old used Vagisil box. That's so disgusting. Ew. Oh, my God. Too far, Grandma. Way be hung up, Grandma. Just thank you for my gold nugget. That is a true story if you didn't hear. One day my grandma, my grandma was over at my parents' house. I was there. Waverly was there. It was just Waverly, my grandma, and myself in the kitchen. My grandma offered me a $100 bill for no reason. No reason. And I said, Grandma, no, I don't need any money. I'm okay. She said, please, I want to help. But I said, no. Please take it. Please take it. Grandma, no. And she said, I insist. And I said, okay, if you insist. Waverly was sitting there just being quiet looking at me.
And then my grandma realized, oh, shoot, Waverly's in the room. And she was like, here you go, Waverly. And handed her one dollar. A dollar bill. One dollar. And she was like, no, grandma, it's okay. No, grandma, it's fine. I don't need your charity. I got a hundred, she got a dollar. I don't need your handouts, okay? It's one of my favorite stories that I've ever been told. It's one of the greatest stories ever. Oh, my God. Do you guys know who Paula Deen is? I love Paula Deen. Cooking. Yeah, cooking. Mostly because she cooks everything with butter. But, you know, she's a down-home southern lady. Now, the thing that I love about her, she reminds me a lot of my mom. She just kind of says whatever she thinks. And, you know, sometimes it gets her in a little bit of trouble. Because she just says stuff. She's got the kindest heart. And she just says stuff. Yesterday she was on the Today Show. She was talking about the fact that she's got these two very handsome sons. And they're married to these very beautiful women. And apparently one of them is about to give her another grandchild. And they just found out what the sex of the grandchild is. And Paula Deen, she doesn't really...
think before she talks sometimes on the today show she just says stuff my stepdaughter michael's daughter michelle is expecting her first baby at the end of july and she we went monday to the doctor and they they put that thing on You know, to do that sonogram thing. And I said, I told the nurse, I said, now don't tell me what it is. Let me try to figure. Because those pictures can be very confusing. And all of a sudden, I saw a little butthole. You know, sitting up there on the glass. It's funny. It looks just like they got the baby's hiney sitting on glass. And I saw this little round rosebud. And then I... Then I saw these two little balls. We are going to have our own baseball team. Did she say, oh, migration? She's as sweet as pumpkin pie. That's incredible. Two little balls. I just saw them there. That's incredible audio. Incredible. Little butthole. Oh, my God. That's isolating a lot of that. 100%. She's so sweet. She's so sweet. Chances she could make biscuits that would melt in your mouth. Oh, my gosh.
I might have three of her cookbooks. I might have three. I might want to get sick just so she'll take care of me. 100%. Absolutely. You think she packed a hell of a lunch for her kids going to school? Listen, I've seen her. She'll have her boys. She's got these dope boys, obviously. And she'll have them on the cooking show with her. And every once in a while, she'll lick her thumb. Oh, my gosh. and clean something on their face. Amazing. And they'll be like, Mom. Mom. And they'll keep it on the show because it's gold. That's great. That is hysterical. There was a big Robbie Dupree fan. Who was it? Well, he drove a 240Z or whatever it was back then. Sweet. Just wearing some boat shoes real good back in the late 70s. Oh, yeah. Some good stuff, dude. I love me some Robbie Dupree. I don't know anything else by him, I don't think, but that one I love. Was Steel Away in Fast Times at Ridgemont High? I don't think so. There's another Robbie Dupree in Fast Times. No kidding. Yep. I love it. Welcome back. It's Mikey Show. Okay, so here's what we got. The first round of our annual FM 94.9 March Music Madness is going to start this morning.
At 10. Promptly at 10. It's awesome. March Music Madness is the coolest. All these bands going up against each other until we have a final winner. And they put a lot into it, man. Like the website's rad. The whole thing is pretty awesome. I looked at it last night and I wanted to make my picks, but it's closed. I guess it opens right now to make your picks. So I'll be making my picks. Right at 10 you can start doing it. Yep. Don't forget tonight's 8 o'clock album, Vlogging Molly. Garrett. The album is Swagger. All right. Let's see. What about the viral video of the mom blowing the kid's nose? This is a viral video that's out there right now that is really making the rounds. And I'll play you the audio. It doesn't sound like it scares me. I'm making one of these videos. This is ridiculous. Sounds like she thinks it's hysterical. Yesterday, any time I did the pig noise stage, you're like... Make the video. I'm going to today. You have to. After that, I'm like, that video, mine would kill that. It reminds me a lot of my... Oh, no, it doesn't. Never mind. Sienna saw the video of the mom ripping paper. Yeah. And she kept doing it to Sage and be like, come on, hon. There's a video of a mom tearing paper in front of a kid and the kid...
Freaks out laughing. Just blah! And I was trying to get Sage. Oh yeah, I was like, Sage, come on, laugh. There's a video that my sister just posted on my Facebook. She said, funniest thing I've ever seen. I haven't watched it yet, but a baby gets scared when the mom sneezes. It's great. It's so great what makes a kid laugh. I mean, it's always the weirdest stuff. It's the sound, it's the noise, it's whatever. It's so pure. It's so pure. Tell you what makes me laugh. Every time I go into the bathroom and Jake... down at the crack at the door going, Daddy, are you going to toot? It's amazing. Nothing makes me laugh like that. I think Woods does that to you here. Still true. Do I? Don't you? Do I? You guys go to the bathroom together every time. Do you have some beans today? Gross. How do you do it then? I don't. Every time. Never. Why do you guys go to the bathroom together? Because we like to visit. I'm never going to understand it. We get a lot of work done. I go to the bathroom. Woods has to go to the bathroom too. No, you say come to the bathroom. Say, I got to go to the bathroom. Come with me. Because I want to talk to them. You both do that to each other. There's nothing wrong with that. I used to do a thing at my old company. My friend Adam and I, we used to call it DB.
Double barrel. He's in one. I'm in the next. Double barrel. So he'd be like, Woods, from his desk. Woods, DB. I'd be like, 100. And we'd go. We'd DB. Double barrel. That's not right. That's awesome. Just sitting there visiting the whole time. Talking about the weekend plans. Girls would never do that. DB. What if we want to have boy conversation? Yeah. Then do it. In the other room. Hang out with each other. That's weird. That's weird. Exposed. That's weird. Sienna and I have girl conversations when you guys leave the room. Yeah. There you go. We don't walk to the bathroom together and double barrel. Well, listen. I would have the... That'd be so weird. I'd have the guy conversations with Woods if you girls got up and left. We do. You don't, though. I don't leave. Sienna never leaves. You guys don't leave together. Sienna never leaves. Yeah. That's a true statement. I do work. I know. I'm not saying you don't. Don't criticize me. I'm not. I'm just saying you don't. Hi, Hill. Hey. Hello. It's a big morning. Yeah, I know. I got to, like, hurry, actually. I know. We have a couple minutes. I was driving in listening to you talk about March Music Madness, like, screeching around the corner. Oh, God. That's right. That's right now. I better think of some things to say.
So, okay, so Hillary, what does this mean to you? I did have a garlic knot. There may be t-shirts in the works already. Again, Mike. I did have a garlic knot. Yesterday at the end of the show, Hillary came in and was talking about how she went to OGs with her four-year-old. And I said... So what did you get? Did you get pizza?
I had a spit at salad, but I did have a garlic dot. I love it. Oh, man, those OG's garlic dots. All right, now listen. They are really good. We have 45 seconds. Oh, God, I know. We have 45 seconds. Garrett was like, you better be on it. Garrett! So what have you got coming up? So at 10 o'clock, and the voting is only open for one hour for each matchup. So it is the 80s bracket. We are doing the cult versus the cure. We are kicking off. 2011 March Music Madness. Very nice. Go get them, Colt. Log on. FM949SD.com. Register and vote. It is the coolest thing. It's so cool. FM949SD.com. March Music Madness. Exactly at 10 o'clock. In fact, I'm helping to time it out perfectly right now. Okay. Because when I hit this thing, exactly when it ends will be... 10 o'clock. Okay. So, lovely and talented Hillary is coming up next. Mikey, she'll be back tomorrow morning. We'll see you then. Mikey's show's out. Late.