The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 03/21/11
Monday, March 21, 2011
weight loss and clothingLibya missile strikesObama military policyRebecca Black 'Friday' songAztecs basketball Sweet 16windshield wiper etiquettedating advice decodingWorld Down Syndrome Daysnake bite cocktailrattlesnake memorabiliadayquillibya missiles
The show kicked off with Mikey joking about his Dayquil‑fueled self‑diagnosis before shifting to serious talk about the Libya missile strikes and Obama’s restrained military policy. Later, the crew dissected Rebecca Black’s infamous 'Friday' song, celebrated the Aztecs’ double‑overtime basketball win, and debated the etiquette of spraying washer fluid on tailgaters. They also offered dating‑advice decoding, promoted a Down Syndrome Day climbing event, and wrapped up with quirky snake‑related anecdotes ranging from a cocktail to homemade rattlesnake gear.
What happened, in order
Dayquil self-diagnosis
Mikey describes popping Dayquil pills, self-diagnosing his need for antibiotics, and joking about his cold‑medicine preferences.
Libya missile strike discussion
The crew talks about the recent Tomahawk missile barrage on Gaddafi’s compound, its cost, and Obama’s cautious stance on military action.
Rebecca Black's 'Friday' critique
Hosts dissect why Rebecca Black’s viral song is poorly written yet catchy, debate its lyrics, her voice, and the possibility of a Justin Bieber duet.
Aztecs Sweet 16 victory
Woods celebrates San Diego State’s double‑overtime win over Temple that sent the Aztecs to the Sweet 16, noting the upcoming UConn game in Anaheim.
Snake bite drink and rattlesnake Roy
Mikey shares the story of the Yukon Jack 'snake bite' cocktail and his homemade rattlesnake‑themed belt, wallet, and earrings from a snake named Roy.
Windshield wiper rage
Sienna recounts her fury when a driver sprayed washer fluid on her car, sparking a debate about whether spraying tailgaters is justified or monstrous.
Decoding dating lines
The crew reads Ask Men Magazine’s eight common dating lines and reveals what phrases like 'I have to get up early' really mean.
World Down Syndrome Day event
Mikey announces a climbing‑and‑crafts fundraiser at Vertical Hold in Miramar to mark the sixth anniversary of World Down Syndrome Day.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLauren O'BrienSiennaJayChrisJamieMattRebecca BlackJustin BieberJoe ProducerDave RickardsDave ShelleyChainsaw
29,636 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
It's coming. I want to go. You got it. We'll give it to you. I want to go. You're all right, buddy. Wish that guy worked here. Me too. More than anything. I know. Look at this. Monday morning full of rain and wind. Looks like the kind of day that's really going to get me kite surfing, huh? I'd hate to see that. Oh, my gosh. Can you imagine? It's a Mikey show. I'm all hopped up on cold medicine, and I'm ready to go. Dayquil is my drug of choice. My wife prefers the Advil cold and sinus. Doesn't do a thing for me. But I like that Dayquil pill. Two of those, and I am feeling Sprite. Good. I can diagnose myself. I know when I need antibiotics. I needed them last Wednesday. Oh, boy. I did.
Does that mean we're all going to get sick? I'm just going to get sick now. I feel sick. You're not. You're not sick. And I didn't get any. And so I had to go back yesterday and they said, all right, we'll give you antibiotics now. But I wish that I could be my own doctor. I always know what's going on. I know my own body. I know my cycle. Oh, easy. I know. I'm late. You're late. Oh, wow. Not supposed to ask me that. What does that baby do? Sienna says, do not, if you're a guy, Sienna says, do not ask your female friends if they even infer that they may be pregnant. Do not ask them, well, are you late? Don't. Not just Sienna says that, by the way. Everybody. American culture. American culture. Human beings. American culture. Hearts beating. In fact, a general rule of thumb, a man should never ask a woman about her cycle. Period. Even about, even his wife? I think it's okay. That's okay. You know what women really like is if they're grouchy and you go, what are you on your period? They love that. Yeah. Men definitely do that. They think that's so cute. They love it. They love it. What are you on your period? What's your problem? Or if you use the R word. They especially love that. Especially love that. Dead man. Yeah. It's the same question. That's disgusting. Dead man. I don't know that I've ever said that. It's just so awful.
Woods just gave me the look like, you know I have. I've heard it once. Outside of just a movie or something. Said in real life. Somebody said that to you? Were you dating them? Nope. Oh, wow. Was it a customer? Was it a customer? No, it was a prospect in college. Oh, wow. He went from prospect to never talking to you again. Yeah. For sure. Prospect to reject. Real good. Yeah. What if I said that to LLB one morning if she came in all grouchy? She would skin you. With my eyes. With her eyes. She would skin you. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I'm 40. I'm almost at the point where I'm going to do something about my weight. Not there yet. Just about. This morning's clothing application got me as close as you can get. Really with the buttons and the tightness and really. You really going to go through this, Mike? This is a conversation I had in my head. Jay, you're evil. I'm so evil. Sweatpants. A lot easier. If I do that, I'll balloon. I know it. They're real comfy. If I wear track pants, I'll go, there are no limits in my life. I wore a pair of pants on Saturday night that I haven't worn because it was a suit that I wore. I did this comedy thing where I had to dress in a suit.
I hadn't worn it since 2008. It left button marks all over my stomach. Fat sores. Yeah. I get them. I was like, well, there's no denying that happened. I just wish, though, I mean, you could go to the store, though, L.O.B., and you could buy a size of pant bigger than the size that you wore, and you won't feel ghoulish. You'll be like, hey, I'm still within... the normal realms of being a person. Like a two to a four. Right. If I go to the store and I have to buy a size 42 jeans, I'm like, are you kidding me? First of all, at stores like Nordstrom and stuff like that, you're pushing it to find a pair. Of 40s. Oh, yeah. 38s? Yeah, they have them. Now, the guy's usually 6'9 that wears the 38s. You're looking for a 40-26. They're like... It's not 40-26. 40-30. 32. Probably 40-30. 40-30. That's an odd combo. Of course it's an odd combo. You should just stick to, like, just drawstrings or, like...
Electrolysis? No, what's the word I'm looking for? Elastic waistband. Elastic waistband. Yeah. Nordstrom caters to skinny people. How about maternity? Don't worry. Yeah, there you go. Barnum & Bailey store. Yeah. You know where I can go? Charlotte Roos is a good store. No. Lane Bryant. Lane Bryant. That's what I meant. Lane Bryant. There you go. I can go to Lane Bryant. Find some pants that fit wonderfully. We put on weight to keep us warm in the winter. It's okay. It's been a long winter for me. It's been a long winter. We live in Alaska. You guys are warm. That's right. We don't call it 2010. We just call it winter. Jamie called me the other day from surf riding and goes, babe, I found the cutest pair of shorts. What size? I go, 34? And she's like, I don't know. I think these run a little small. I go, okay, 36. Woods, if you went to the store right now. You can comfortably fit into a 36 waist? Well, when I got my new shorts, she goes, try them on. I go, okay. And I had to do a little. So what fits you really good and comfy? 36 are pretty comfy. Are they really? They're pretty comfy. I am not going up. I'm not going up. If I had to take a guess, I'd say my boy's a 38. I don't have any 38s.
I have 34 jeans and 36 shorts. I know, but don't your 36s, don't they squeeze you a little bit? They're not super tight. He wears them under the overhang. Exactly. Yeah, I wear them under the overhang. Under the Dunlap. Yeah. Yes, the Dunlap'd over. His stomach is where he carries the waist. His waist is actually pretty small for his frame. It's Dominion. That is the problem. Look at that thing. Every day. That's a Buddha. He shows us that belly. Or a rabbit. It's solid, though. It's solid as a rock. There's no fat. You punch it, your fist doesn't disappear. It bounces off. It's weird. You'll break your thumb. It's very strange. Sienna doesn't get it. What do you mean? No, she's like, she looks at it and she's like, I don't understand. It's hard. It's not fat. Woods is 35, sports guy. He's just a track pants guy now. Yeah, that's my new bit. It's his new thing. It's just track pants every day. So comfy. And he's got his running shoes on. You want to look like you're working out, but you don't want work out. Exactly. But the option's there. If you need to spontaneously break out into a workout, you have the option. If I need to do lunges or something, I'm in good shape. I feel you. 20 pounds less than I am right now, I actually feel okay about myself. Oh, yeah. Big time. I do.
You know how hard it is to lose 20 pounds? You know how hard? It's very hard. It's not that hard. It's hard. The older you get. A few months, you could do it. Mike's also 15 years older than you. A few months. I think I did it in three months. Yeah, you can do that. I think I put it on in three months. Yeah. It's like I was on a bender. If you started working out and eating healthier, it could be off in like three months, I feel. Yeah, three months is a good number. You don't want to lose more than a few pounds a week. Yeah. You have that to look forward to. Yeah. In August. There you go. Lauren is our, can't wait to be out at the pool in another month when we take a vacation. You can just wear a wet suit. Wear a rash guard shirt. It's worse for girls when it gets hot out, though, because then we really wear, like, little amounts of clothing, and when you're uncomfortable, it's... If you wear a one-piece, it just draws attention to what's going on over there. Mikey, please wear a one-piece bathing suit. By the pool. Like the 1920s and 30s? You can get a little skirt on the bottom. That's not too humiliating, is it? I'll wear, like, what you would put on a four-month-old little girl. Yeah. The little dress.
One piece with the little skirt, you know, and the legs go through the holes. That'd be great. Would it be great? That'd be great for me. Lauren O'Brien is the blonde over here. Nothing to worry about. How dare you? How dare you? I just told you. I bought this suit right after college. This is like my go-to stylish suit. Ten years ago. No, not ten years ago. What are you going to act like? You're going to act like you have an issue with clothing? Let's just say things don't fit the way that they used to. Let's just say that. Sure, we can say that. You look great. Get out with that. Please. You look good. I'm allowed to be overweight. Are you? Yeah. I don't think you are. I'm not overweight right now. No, you're not. I'm over my weight right now. And I'm allowed to say that. And I'm allowed to feel bad about it. I'm obese. Mikey and I are obese. We're technically obese. Morbidly. Morbidly. I'm morbidly obese. No, you're not. Yeah, I am. You're not. By a physician's standard, I would be morbidly obese. Agreed.
Me too. I don't think so. Agreed. I really don't think so. I know you don't, but I'm telling you that sadly you'd go, oh, really? Oh my gosh, Mike. It's true. Morbidly? That doesn't mean like you could die from your weight? Morbidly obese. I think the qualification for morbidly obese is you're like 100 pounds overweight. What? You're not. You're not 100 pounds overweight. I think I'm supposed to weigh 145 pounds. What? That's a true statement. That's disgusting. No, no, no. Honestly. According to my weight, according to my height, 5'6", I'm supposed to weigh something like 145 pounds. No, you're not. Yeah, you're not. And I weigh about 227. I am supposed to be about 185. Don't say what you weigh because you're six feet tall. But I'm like 230. Great. My friend Matt, Matt, that didn't help me with my garage. So we weigh the same. No, no, but I'm saying he is, he's six foot six and he's 230. You guys, you all just look great. He's got six inches on me and we're the same height. That's like you and Matt. Height-wise. I would have loved to have eaten healthy this weekend, but you know, we're just. You didn't.
You know what my nightcap was last night? What? Laying in bed. You know the last thing I ate? What? A cannoli. Oh. See, and that's why you guys don't get my sympathy. Yeah, at all. Yeah, go to McDonald's. Woods is eating donuts in the morning. Cannoli's at night. Yeah, like you're... He did eat a donut this morning. I only had two bites. It was hard. Oh, okay. If you were trying... Then I would be like, oh, I know, I know. Poor guy. Poor guy. But you're not. So I can laugh at you. Sienna's our news girl. She's 25. She's gorgeous. Oh, wow. What? She's got a daughter. Used to be. Used to be. Wrote a love letter to all of you this weekend. You sure did. It was real sweet. And Jay is our producer. He's 47. Looks good. Feel good. He does. Try me. Sure does. And our phone screener is Chris. Let's draw. I'm a girl. Let's draw. Word of the day is goat. Weird. All right. Don't know why that fit, but it is. Word of the day is goat. And so when you hear me work that into a sentence between now and 10, it's going to be really good. Cool prize today. So when you hear me work the word goat in, the word of the day today is worth.
Not only tickets to the Nationwide Series and NASCAR, but we got these cool, rusty hoodies that have the MP3 wired headphones in them that are waterproof, so you can wash them after. So cool. You can stick your iPhone or your iPod or whatever in them, and the hoodie has little headphones you put on. It's pretty awesome. Waterproof, too. You can wash your sweatshirt. Yeah. No problem. So, apparently, I wish I... I feel that I have not done you a good service, M1s, because I don't know enough about Libya. I truly don't. I know that Libya is acting out like a child. Muammar Gaddafi, every time I see him speak, looks like a stand-up comic to me. He does. And he is a crazy guy. He's crazy. And he's doing crazy stuff. And America, America, started firing off. missiles from warships. Tomahawk torpedo missiles. Yesterday, the count that I saw was there were around 130 missiles launched towards Libya. Those missiles, each one is like $600,000. They're super expensive because they've got computers in them. The latest with that is this morning, Muammar Gaddafi's compound in Tripoli lays in shambles now.
They got his house. He was not there, and no one knows where he is now. But they say that his compound was targeted because it contained capabilities to exercise command and control over Libyan forces. They weren't trying to kill him. He's at the Libyan Dave and Buster's, and he's playing skee-ball. He's shooting hoops. Yeah. For tickets. For tickets. I just want some more tickets. Gosh, I'd love to win the tickets. You know, sometimes I don't even spend them, but I like to win them, is his deal. Obama talking about what we did. I am deeply aware of the risks of any military action, no matter what limits we place on it. I want the American people to know that the use of force is not our first choice, and it's not a choice that I make lightly. But we cannot stand idly by when a tyrant tells his people that there will be no mercy. Of course we can't. Of course we can't. And that's what you should do. I'm behind him. Make no mistake. Today we are part of a broad coalition. We are answering the calls of a threatened people. Thank you. And we are acting in the interests of the United States and the world. Huge. One thing that I have to say I like about Obama's technique here is that he waited for Libyans to ask for help.
Or the U.S. Usually we would be the first to be like, oh, we're firing back and we're in. And Obama waited and, you know, waited for them to ask. It's refreshing. Yeah. And that is a little bit refreshing. But he's he's in Brazil right now doing his his Latin American trip. And he's going to Chile today and he's had to like duck out and approve missile attacks while he's there. So pretty crazy for him. Here's a here's a question to Obama. Well, what about American soldiers? Will we put them on the ground in Libya? The United States is not going to deploy ground troops into Libya. And we are not going to use force to go beyond a well-defined goal, specifically the protection of civilians in Libya. We don't need to. We don't need to put ground troops on the ground in Libya. Libya is a tiny little place. Well, I should say it this way. There's not a lot of people that live there. Six million people. which by country standards is not that big a deal. Less than New York City. Yeah. We can take care of it by tomahawk missiles. Yeah. Those suckers sting, especially when you send a whole bunch of them like we did. Yeah. Just kept at it. Makes people all rattled. You just keep shelling them. Makes people get real freaked out. So anyway, that was a big deal over the weekend. Yeah. The military action that we took against Libya.
You guys ever buy a lottery ticket and just imagine? What will I do if I win the lottery? I did a lot of that. Dreaming. Just dreaming this weekend. Bought a lottery ticket. Didn't get one darn number. Of course not. Not one darn number. Gosh darn it. How do people get it? How do they get it? It's lucky. Something crazy. Yeah, it's just pure luck. Pure luck. Can you imagine though? Whenever something good happens to you, you should go buy a lottery ticket. Oh. I like that. That's what I always do. Like if I'm having a really good day and good things keep happening, I'm like, I'll buy a lottery ticket. I usually only buy one. This weekend I splurged and I bought five Quick Picks. Wow. That's what my dad would always do. He'd buy one for each of us. He's like, I got yours. He'd write our names on top of them. My dad would play all of our birthdays. Really? That's a good move. AT&T, they said, we're going to buy T-Mobile. And we're looking to spend... About $39 billion. AT&T made this announcement, yes. Reached in their AT&T wallet, and they're like, $35, $36. Chain wallet. Oh, my God. Chain wallet. $37. Velcro, maybe.
Hey, don't talk while I'm counting. Yeah, I've got to start again. Son of a 1 million. And it's all in billion-dollar bills. Which is convenient, really. So they're counting out 39 of them because they were in billion-dollar bills. Went by the ATM on the way over. They went on the ATM. Yes, AT&T made this announcement yesterday that they're going to be buying T-Mobile USA in a $39 billion cash-in-stock deal. It would make AT&T the largest cell phone company in the United States with about 43% of the nation's cell phones. What they did was... They went by the ATM and they pulled two $20 billion bills. And then they got to give them back a billion in change. And they had to pay $2.95 for each transaction because it wasn't their bank. They went to Chase, but they belonged to Bank of America. And so they had to agree to the $2.95 thing. AT&T right now is the country's second largest wireless carrier. T-Mobile is the fourth. So with T-Mobile and AT&T together, they're going to be pulling in, like I said, 43% of the nation's cell phones, making it number one. AT&T expects it's going to take about a year to close this deal. I'll tell you what about T-Mobile, though. They got that little jingle in your head, didn't they? Da-na-na-na. Da-na-na-na-na. Da-na-na-na-na. Like, that's in our heads. Yeah. How do they do that?
It's so effective, right? Well, Verizon, are you there? Can you hear me? Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? I was like, oh, shut up. What's AT&T's deal? What do they say? iPhone. Clearly not enough. I'm an AT&T guy. I even advertise for them, but I'm not sure what our little... The world's largest network? Is that AT&T? Come on, AT&T. We got to come up with something better now. They're not Craig and O'Reilly. Craig and O'Reilly. That's true. O'Reilly. O'Reilly. Hey, you got to come up with something. That sticks. We don't do that anymore, man. Back in the 70s, you'd have, there's something special in the air. Little, yellow, different. Don't remember that. Newprin. Newprin. Yep. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. That's still going. That is still going. And that works. And that will never go away. What about, ah, what's that? Live from Progressive. Yep, that works. What about dun-dun-dun-dun?
Is that Intel? Intel. Wouldn't you like to be a pep or two? Yep. What about Southwest? You are now free to move about the country. What TV network is this? NBC. NBC. That's ABC. Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog. Remember that bit? After Cheers? Or after something? After Cheers, I believe. Yep. It's greatness. Mikey's show needs to come up with our own little... Yeah. That's good. A little fart sound. What about... No? That's our thing. That's how you remember us. The Mikey's show. Yes, right in on it. It's catchy. It is catchy. Oh my gosh, that's funny. Oh my gosh. Let's see. How about that super moon, huh? I looked for it. Very underwhelming. It was too cloudy. It's not a fake bit. It's fake bit. Well, this weekend was, of course you saw it, Jay. We all saw it. It was covered with clouds. No, no, it broke through the clouds at my house. Well, yeah, because I climbed Mount Helimanjaro. And then all of a sudden I was like, oh. I went up Mount Everest. I went up there.
And it's 28,000 feet, so I had to hire me a Sherpa and a mule, and I carried them both because I got tired. They got tired. I didn't. I didn't. So I put the mule on my back, and I put the Sherpa on my back. And I carried him up. I was like, holy cow, look at that super moon. You can't just sit on your couch, Mike, and want to see it. You got to see it above the cloud. It ain't going to come to your house, all right? You got to go find it. Above the cloud. It ain't going to come to you just sitting there eating apple pie, shoving it in your face. Okay, tubby. All right, cubby. Get off your lazy butt. I said tubby. Take the burrito out of your mouth and go up and see super moon. Oh. Jamie and I went outside. We looked at it, and I go, It's great. Walked right back inside. I go, it's really bright. See you later. Yeah, it was the brightest moon in 100 years. It was cold. In 18 years. Oh, whatever. Same thing, right? In a billion years. Yeah, the moon it's called was at its perigee. Perigee. Perigee. Perigee. I said perigee because that's what it looks like. Someone said it's perigee. So by Sunday, it wasn't the same?
Wasn't as bright? Yeah, no, it was only Saturday night. That was when it was its biggest and brightest. 30% brighter than the smallest of full moons. 14% bigger. Live from the sky, it's Saturday Night Moon. Featuring a protege. Perigee. Perigee. Wow. Lunar ignorer. Yeah, lunar dum-dum. Musical quest. Jupiter. Jupiter. They say the next comparable supermoon will be in another five years on November 14th, 2016. Can't wait. Forward to that. Forward to that. And just know that the winds are going to calm down today. Oh, yeah. It was all windy. It was crazy. Crazy. Gnarly. So we're still going to have a little bit more today and then it'll calm down? Yeah. It's supposed to say, it says that winds are going to last until early Monday. So after today, it should be good. However, we do expect to see some rain later this week. Imagine. Chubby me, short, dressed like Billy Idol, doing Dancing with Myself. Got it. Nobody photoshopped Mikey. Shut up. That's Billy Idol. Shut up. With a rebel yell fist. Hey, unless you've been living under a rock, you know who Rebecca Black is. You should know who Rebecca Black is. She sings the Friday song. This one.
Which is widely considered to be one of the most poorly written songs ever. Well, she has broken her silence. We have audio of her talking about how she, quote, could have killed people. I was so mad I could have strangled, strangled people. I was so mad at them that I yelled at my screen. 13. She's 13? Yeah. She's 13. I was really mad when people were talking S to me on YouTube. I was so mad at them. I want to kill them because they made me so mad. So we'll play her comments. The audio of her making comments about it next. Sue me. I kind of like it too, which makes me really mad at myself. It's good, right? I like the beginning part and then I'm like... Black Eyed Peas. It's not bad. This is where I check out.
They performed it on American Idol last week. I think it's good. So we're going to talk to you about the Rebecca Black song in just a minute. You know, it's a YouTube sensation, this song, because it's so bad. And Rebecca Black and her mom went on TV and they were talking about it. It was her mom that said she wanted to kill people. Serial. I guess I would be bummed out if, like, Luke was a songwriter, you know, and like a would-be rapper or pop artist. Pop artist. You know he's going to be a gangster rapper. He was a pop artist. But let's say he wasn't gangster rapping. He was pop artisting. He wanted to be a pop artist. He was trying to write fun songs, you know. He was trying to be the next Jonas Brothers. Bieber. Justin Bieber. They're Biebs, you know, and people were saying how lame it was, you know. Which, she probably didn't even write this.
You know, if she's 13 years old, they probably like, here. I don't think they got a writer for this. Really? I don't think that. I don't think this was a professional writer. I think this was a 13-year-old kid. She's got to get downstairs and get some cereal. No. You know? I don't know. I mean, how could somebody get hired to write that? Because it's catchy. That's what they do. Taylor Swift did. No, I'm talking about the words, man. Her lyrics are just as bad. Aren't they, Woods? No. They are. They're not. She wears high heels. I wear sneakers. She's Chick-A-P-T-L-E. That's great. It's ridiculous. But that's Nashville. That's Nashville. That's Nashville. That's Nashville country music. It's very similar. It's very similar to Rebecca Black's Friday. Don't you think 19's too young to be messed with? It is. Maybe she got a little better. A lot better. That's a really good song. Taylor's gotten a lot better. She's getting older, you know. She's just a kid. So is this one, 13, you know. Yeah, give her a chance. Word of the day is goat. So when you hear me work that into a sentence, then be caller number nine. And, yeah. You get a couple of cool things. Tickets to the Nationwide series and also a wired hoodie from Rusty that has MP3. Say it. Wow. Hey. Isolate.
MP3 compatible fleece in it. Little washable headphones that come in there. You can plug it in, listen to your iPod, whatever. So cool. Yeah. Let's see. Oh, we're going to do the San Diego's Best Breakfast at 7.30. One of them that is going to be nominated. Oh, crap. I forgot the right, Jared. Oh, me too. Just write him now. He takes care of business. I know, but I don't even know if he's awake. I'll wake him up. That is a... Big ball drop on my part. It happens. Monumental. I was sick all weekend. I was sick. I was sick. Maybe that's... It's not an excuse, Mike. Shut up, Mike. But Mike... Inner dialogue. Mm-hmm. All right. First of all, we got to talk about the Aztecs in a minute. If you didn't already know, Aztecs are in the Sweet 16. It's unbelievable. How about that? How about those Aztecs? We'll talk about that in a minute. Okay. First...
This is 13-year-old Rebecca Black on Good Morning America talking about her song. What's the meanest thing you've read that maybe hurt you the most? I hope you cut yourself and I hope you get an eating disorder so you'll look pretty. And I hope you go cut and die. Have you cried at all throughout all of this or are you just strong? When I first saw all these nasty comments, I did cry. I felt like this was my fault and I shouldn't have done this and this is all because of me. And now I don't feel that way. Okay, so I'm curious what you guys think. And this is what I want you to do. I want you to be criminal profilers right now. I want age and sex of person that writes. I hope you cut yourself and get an eating disorder so that you are pretty. And we are now going to try to be.
criminal profilers, figuring out who that person is. I'm going to say that person is a female, 16. Sienna? Female, 13 to 15. Woods? Female, 14. L-O-B? Agreed. Female, 14. Or J? Female, 14. Has to be, right? Yeah. The perpetrator cannot be male. No. One wouldn't think so. This girl singing is like a skinny, cute girl. Yeah. Like get an eating disorder and die. I mean, but it's ridiculous. Well, it's so over the top, just evil and mean. And you're like, well, who says that? Someone that's been rejected in one way or another. And they are jealous of where this girl is.
And my thought is she's just she has to be older than her. She's like, look what she's accomplished. Yeah. She's not even 14 yet. Right. But she's not old enough yet to realize that, like, those are really immature. Right. Comments. Well, not immature, but just really mean and immature and evil, evil, evil. You know, her hormones are raging, I'm sure. Yeah. Here's Rebecca Black's mother and how angry Rebecca Black's mom was. That's your baby. To read such hateful, hurtful things about her on the world stage. In all honesty, I probably could have killed a few people. That's pretty... Let's throw it out there. Mama bear, dude. Don't mess with mama bear. I mean, literally... That was an overreaction. I have poison in my truck, so I could have. I could have.
I have a knife right now in my pocket. I have martial arts training. Well, sort of. I took one self-defense class. That is true. I thought, you know, I read one comment where I remember, man, I wish I had a box cutter right now. Which I, you know, I told my husband and my husband was like, you know, darling, that is a little much. And I was like, yeah, you're probably right. I wish I could wrap a paper clip around my... knuckle and make it into like, you know, brass knuckles and then punch them in the eye. And he said, Ooh, I still think that's harsh. And I said, okay, regardless of man or woman, I wish that I could make my foot into a donkey hoof. and then kick them in the genitals with it. Like a donkey. I was making cookies this morning and wrapping them up for the crew, and I thought, as I was finished poisoning these, then I wanted to take the plastic wrap and just wrap it around someone's face until they slowly suffocated. Hopefully their eyes would still be open so I could see their blank stare that came over them.
And I told my husband this, and he said, darling, that is harsh. And I said, okay, fine. What if I went to the dry cleaner, got the bag that the clothing comes in, wrapped that around their face, and hoped that their eyes were open so I could watch the life leave them. And he was like, we're getting warmer. He thought the poison cookies were really enough on their own. And I was like, I don't think so. This is our baby we're talking about. Here is Rebecca Black singing some of the national anthem. How much did you change Rebecca's voice? Actually, not a lot. Was she off key without the software? No, this must be the producer of the record. She was actually in key. Her voice was actually really good. Sing a couple lines for us from the national anthem. Sure. Oh, say can you see. Ella B. I love it. She's on key. She's not off key. A little off key. Not at all. A little off key. She would make it through on American Idol. Well, that wasn't even... I didn't hear even slightly off key. Me neither. A little off key. I have a very well-trained ear, so I don't expect you, the layperson, to know that. Do you think you're a good singer? I have talent on some level. I don't think I'm the worst singer, but I don't think I'm the best singer.
That's a fair answer. I'm on board with that. I don't think she's the best. I don't think she's the worst. I don't have a problem with her voice in that song. I don't have a problem with any part of the song, except the lyrics are just goofy. Yeah, goofy lyrics. They're observational. No goofier than the Bare Naked Ladies or anything like that. You know what I mean? I'm still convinced that Joe Producer wrote those. I'm still convinced that she did not write those. No way. No way. We've got to find out. We've got to do some digging. I like that song. I hear her singing it. Friday, Friday. Gotta get down on Friday. Here she is talking about who she'd like to sing with. Who would your dream duet be with? Who do you think? Jay Isbell. Justin Bieber. Bieber. I have Bieber fever. I am in love with Justin Bieber. That would just be. She has a very high Bieber. She better take some medicine. She's got a really high beaver. You took her temperature to figure out. Nice beaver. Oh, my gosh. Just thinking of it just gives me butterflies. I guarantee she'll sing with him. Yeah, she's going to meet him. Yo, girl, what's up? Yo, girl, what's up? You want to do a duet with me? Do you know what day it is? It's Friday, girl. It's Friday. Yeah.
Yo, girl. That's a trip, girl, because it's Wednesday. Today be Monday, but I know you're tripping. The day after tomorrow, and the next day after that, it's Friday. Yo, girl, you going to let me talk? Yo, girl, I'm the star here, right? It's Friday. Yo, girl, we're going to get our rap on. Okay. All right, girl. Take that pasta out of your, oh, that's your hair. I was going to say, take the pasta out of your face. It's his hair. Yo, man, that's my hair. I thought we were going to ask Justin directly. Do you have a message for Justin? Justin, if you're watching this right now, would you do a duet with me? That would be... Yeah, I'd do a lot more than that. Unreal. That would just make my life. Oh, wow. Can we duet? Yeah, girl, we're going to duet. Get it. Can we duet? Jay told me to say that. Yo, girl, I'm going to try to force myself on you sexually. Did Jay tell you to say that? I just am reading here and it says, acing a casting call audition, Jessica Black was invited to record one of two song label heads had written for her. And that was the song Friday. She did not write it. Weird. I'm telling you, it's this trained ear that I have. I'm able to sort of, you know, hear it.
I mean, it's true. I can't believe that we're even giving her grief. Well, did you think that, like, back in the day when NSYNC was around, did you think that, like, Timberlake and those guys sat around with, like, a notepad and they were like, Woods. Yeah, girl, yeah. Woods, don't you see the difference between NSYNC and that? No, same type of music. NSYNC didn't go viral, and there was a reason. There's a reason this is viral. Well, because it's bad. Yeah, but it's bad because unless I've got this completely wrong, I think the reason that it's bad is because of what she's saying. Well, sure. Was NSYNC's lyrics like Bob Dylan or like Bill Shakespeare? No, but they weren't like this. They weren't like this. She's narrating step-by-step. Otherwise, if that were true, then they would have gone viral for that reason. Well, when I heard this thing, I was like, what's the difference? Literally, when I heard it, I go, What's different in that than the Black Eyed Peas? I mean, it didn't make sense to me. Listen to it. It's just a straight narrative. And that's the deal. It's a straight running thought, which is, I think, different from NSYNC. It's like a Sesame Street song, though. I think whoever the guy that wrote it was like, yeah, kids are into just simple. Just keep it simple. It's kind of as bad as Kings of Leon.
You're ridiculous, Jay. Overruled. Is she going to headline Coachella this year, pal? Overruled. Okay, here's an NSYNC song. Let's see lyrically if it's just ridiculous. Okay. Well, we got to back up. Already better. What? Just admit that you like it. That's pretty. I don't like it. Wait, wait, wait. But what he just said, what he just said isn't... It's slightly, you know, better. Night and day. Oh, yeah. That's really up there. That's Robert Plant-esque. No, it's not the best thing ever written. It's Plant-esque. It's not just a straight narrative of, this is what I do on Friday. Well, that girl's also 13 years old. But what I'm saying is that... You said you didn't see a difference in sync in that. I don't. I don't. Baby, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. I mean, come on. That's not... Take those...
Take the lyrics to Bye Bye Bye, and I'll guarantee you... It's better than that? Sure. Lyrically, what they're saying, there's more of a narrative than just... I woke up. I had cereal. I went downstairs and I saw my friend in the back of the car. There was three of them. I looked at them. They were looking at me. I got in the car. It is a stream of consciousness. That's what made it viral. But when I heard the hook and stuff, I was like, it sounds just like everything else on the radio. It's not bad. That's correct. The way that the song sounds is if her mother came home and talked to this girl who had just had way too much sugar and caffeine and was like, what'd you do today? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. True. A hundred percent. Mikey Show, this is M1 Paparazzi from Oceanside. What's going on? Do you guys believe that the news media should be able to gain access to, say, the names of these people who make comments so that they can actually call these people out and people are less likely to make those comments? I love that. I do, too. They can use their username for sure. You see what he's saying? He's saying, wouldn't it be great?
If there was no username, like it was real names. You know, because I wonder what SmileOn52 would think if we knew that SmileOn52 was actually Brenda, you know. Williams. Williams. Yeah, from La Jolla or something. From La Jolla. And Brenda Williams from La Jolla. people were able to write Brenda Williams from La Jolla and destroy her life. Be a lot less internet tough guys out there. Oh, absolutely. A lot less. I wish we could let Brenda's parents know what Brenda's saying. And then they go, really, you want her to cut herself and die? Yeah. You can get on the internet and say, obviously, we've seen it, but you can say nasty stuff. Let's see. With no repercussions. M1 Alcatraz from San Diego. What's up? and she absolutely loves it. Yeah. Little kids would. Yeah, little kids, yeah. And L.O.B. mentioned it being a straight narrative and that's what children like. Children don't, they don't want to interpret pure poetics. Right. And abstract, abstract poetics. What the heck? Spider walking in the closet in the dark. I don't even care about all that stuff. Hey, I like this song. Yeah. I like it. I think it's catchy. For six-year-olds.
Yeah, I think it's catchy, yeah. And if it were on Sesame Street, I could see why the kids would be like, yeah, yeah. But the fact that it's on a label, and they're trying to put that in the club. If they played it on Yo Gabba Gabba, it would be perfect. Yeah, there's a market for it, though. No doubt. Absolutely. Yeah, I'm in that market. I'm a 40-year-old male that finds this catchy. Yeah. But this tune is great. Hey, but listen, I'm a 40-year-old that when I was 32 liked a couple of NSYNC songs. Yeah. Might have sung the lyrics to... Might have slow danced with my now wife. Yeah, that's right. In your bedroom. In my bedroom. While it played on a boombox. I thought it was. It is. I bet she was going, oh, this is gay. Well, maybe this is a gay man. Yeah, probably.
Oh, it's still like sweet honey in my ears. What? You can say if you don't like it. That's fine with me. All I can do is admit the truth. It's like if you bit into a donut that had lemon filling and you're like, I just don't go for lemon filling. I don't like it. I just don't like it. You know that. Woods, you are so unpredictable. No, I'm not. Taylor Swift is good. But it's comparable. She plays and writes her own music. I'm in on that. Plus, she's really, really cute. This is some fat guy with a salami hoagie in his hand writing the lyrics for these guys. He's like, all right, get together. There you go. So when you hear something, you're like, well, before I allow myself to like it, I need to wonder who wrote it. You just sing it much better, I think, when you've written it. It's yours. And it's your story. Because I know how hard it is to write. Even though Taylor Swift, they're not the most poetic. He's singing this good, though. I don't know who wrote this. Yeah, he wrote all the music, though. He wrote the music? He wrote the music. He didn't write any of the lyrics? He wrote all the music, though. I thought you just said it was about who wrote that stuff. She plays and writes her own stuff. Elton plays like a madman. And I think he had some input on some of the stuff. But obviously, it turns out he's a gay man and he was singing about women in his songs. So we know that none of them are his stories anyway. I just like music that I like. I don't care who wrote it or sings it. I don't like five little white guys in a garage in Orlando, Florida.
singing like... I don't... You guys know I don't like the... And that's not who they're marketed to traditionally. I don't like that stuff. Were you one of like five little white guys in your garage in the Gypsy Crows? Yeah. In the Gypsy Crows. That's my baseball team. Not the Gypsy Crows. Gypsy Rose. But we played guitars. We didn't have choreographed dances. We played guitars and drums and bass. We didn't do headsets and... I wish you would have. You were not on a marionette? I was not on a married head. I wasn't in an airport hangar in a white suit. You sure? I'm positive. As soon as we get back, we've got to talk about Aztecs and what they accomplished this weekend, which was just unreal. I mean, it's unbelievable. Oh, and you know what else, man? That 16-year-old kid that got bullied in Australia, he's speaking out, too. We've got audio of him. Apparently this was not the first attack. He talks about other stuff they've done. Play it next. So we're going to let you hear that kid that was bullied in Australia. He's finally talking. If you haven't seen it.
16-year-old kid in Australia. Chubby kid. This 12-year-old bully comes up to him, punches him in the face. He picks the bully up. Body slams him to the ground. Yeah. And now that kid has been suspended. The kid that was attacked has been suspended. And so we'll be talking about it. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, estimates from the death toll from the earthquake and tsunami that struck Japan have risen. The death toll estimate right now is more than 18,000 people. My goodness. It's awful. Oh, wow. Also, the operator of the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant said that two of the six reactors are now safely cooled down. Progress is being made in reconnecting two others to the electric grid. However, as of this morning, workers have had to leave the nuclear plant because gray smoke was rising from two reactor units. This was just hours ago, which. you know, is temporarily stopping critical work. Oh, that is not good, man. Not good. Progress was being made and then they hit a bump and, you know, hopefully everything's going to be okay. But for us here, you know, people are wondering, are we going to have the radiation? Has it reached us in California? Federal and state officials say that testing indicates there are no health threats and that we're going to be fine. It's diluted, highly diluted and harmless by now. Woods, what's going on in sports? Besides the obvious?
The San Diego State Aztecs are in the Sweet 16. Give me a little taste of this right here. This is the very end of that game. Hernandez, dribble drive. Put him off the glass. It's blocked. It's blocked by White. And San Diego State's going to survive. Gay's got it. Six, five, and the Aztecs are going to the Sweet 16. It took a double overtime, but they got it done. 71 to 64 over Temple. Just incredible. Double. How about that? Holy cow. Never has. It was awesome. I watched the very end of that game. I had Little League. I came back and caught it, and it was just intense. Four blocks by Malcolm Thomas. One guy is driving the lane. Malcolm jumps up, blocks this ball, and it's sealed the deal. It was incredible. Such a big win. So they are in the Sweet 16. They will be taking on... UConn, who's actually a lower seed than them, but actually in the country, they're right behind them, number three. So it's 4-15 on Thursday in Anaheim. 4-15 on Thursday. Okay. Okay, so Woodsy, what do you think of that? Do you think they have a good chance of beating UConn? Well, I'll tell you, UConn is a pretty, perennially, very tough team. Yeah. I said one word there that may help. Anaheim.
Anaheim. Home fans. Yes. Hour away. Didn't even think of that. Get your butts up there if you can. Big difference. It's a huge difference. They could turn that place into San Diego Stateville. Yeah. Okay, now after the Sweet 16, is it the Elite Eight? Elite Eight. And the Final Four. Dude, they're right there. Yeah. I've, like, never cared about college basketball, and I am all in. What if? It's been, it has been such a fun tournament to watch. There are so many upsets. I know. It has gotten, I mean, look, if you look at the Sweet 16 right now, I'll give him to you later, everybody, but you've got an 11 in there, which was Marquette. You've got a 12 with Richmond. You've got a 10 with Florida State. It's an 8 with Butler. It's insane. It's anybody, you know, any given night somebody can win. I am so fired up for this. It's going to be a blast. Don't forget that the word of the day is goat. And so sometime between now and 10, I will very sneaky. I'll work the word goat into a sentence. And when you hear it, you could win a four pack of tickets to the nationwide NASCAR series and that rusty.
hoodie that's got the MP3 little earbuds in it. So we got that coming up in just a bit. Okay, so the bully, the kid that was bullied in Australia is Casey Haynes. He's 16 years old. And he defended himself by picking this kid up, body slamming this kid that punched him in the face. And this is him talking about it. What makes an okay day? When nobody touches me. and teases me do they happen often no not really like not not the good days what was your lowest moment when i um contemplated suicide when was that like a year ago i just started to put myself down and i put myself down to that level and then all all the crap just keep on piling on that's so sad it's on
That poor kid was contemplating suicide. Can you imagine kids going to school right now that they're contemplating suicide because they're being bullied? They just don't want to deal with it. Here he talks about what else was done to him. What's the worst thing that's happened to you at school? I've been duct taped to a pole. Duct taped to a pole? Yeah. They put the duct tape over my eyes first and dropped me down and duct taped me to a pole. This kid should go to prison. Little kid prison. Yep. Little, small, tiny prison with little, small doors. I wonder what his home life is like, like if he doesn't have a dad or something. He does have a dad. He does? Yeah. Why isn't his dad kicking down the door of that school? Kicking it down. I don't know, man. They would have to forcibly remove him. I would be in handcuffs every day. I'd be kicking the crap out of little kids. Maybe he didn't speak out until now. Yeah. It's so sad. You know, I just hope that...
good can come of this, and I think that it can because people are saying he's become the voice for voiceless and anti-bullying movements. But they expelled him. How stupid is that? They didn't expel him. They suspended him and the other kid that they got in a fight with for four days. We'd be having ice cream every day. They'd be going, hey, let's have ice cream. They have to, though. They have to do that. It's violence. Ice cream, what do you mean? I would say, hey, man, good job. Way to retaliate. I'm sure they're thinking in their heads. Probably a lot of teachers don't like that other little kid that started the bullying. But they have to be fair if it's violence. I'd be so for some politician locally coming out and saying, here in San Diego County, if you get busted for bullying, you're instantly expelled from school. Yep. Instantly. And then jail. You go to what? Prison. You go to Alcatraz. Or we reopen Alcatraz. You go to alternative school? This is, I mean, it's such a sad story, but I think it's a good story and it's gotten a lot of people's attention. And my stepdaughter, Jenna, who's nine, asked me if I'd seen this video over the weekend. And I was so glad that she had seen it. Yeah. What did she think of it? She was like that it was so sad and he was getting bullied. And I just told her, you know, you never pick on anyone. Never defend them. And she was like, yeah, it was just I can't believe it. And if you see it, step in and help. Yeah. No, I mean, every little kid, I think, should see it. It's just so painfully obvious that.
You know, nothing has changed, you know, from when I was a kid, from probably when, you know, when Mike was in school. I mean, it happens, and it happens every day, and it's really, really sad. M1 John from San Diego, you there? Yeah. What's going on, John? Hey, man, nothing. Getting ready for work, dude. Trying to get up, get around. What can I do for you? Hey, man, well, I'm a recent college grad, you know, and I'm working a part-time food gig, dude. You know, I talked about $100,000 on a college education, dude, and I'm not working in my field. I'm a business management guy, and I was just wondering if there's anything you guys here at the show can do to help me find a job doing what I want to do, man. You can post it on our Facebook, what you do and what your deal is. Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. And if people know about anything.
They can go there and, you know, put stuff up if they know of anything that can help you. Or if you're hiring, if you have a company and you're hiring, post it on our Facebook page. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be rad. So many people out of work. There are a lot of people looking. Whoa. Thanks. Well, thank you, bro. Good luck, John. Good luck. All right, thank you. Good luck. College degree isn't what it used to be. That's a bummer, man. 100K down the drains for now. Yeah, but most people that I know, I mean, I'm 25, so a lot of my friends are just now getting out of college, have degrees and don't find a job. And, you know, I know people that don't have degrees and have a job. Yeah. Like myself. I know both, though. I know both. I don't know if it's discriminating to those that have the degree. Now a four-year degree is not what it used to be, though. I think it's the people you meet. Like my buddies all went out and found jobs from the people they met in college. You know, they got hired on companies. It's who you know. Yeah. I had a girl that worked on my show for free, and she's now a music director at a radio station here in town. I had a girl that worked on my show for free that is now a program director in Palm Springs. You mean like they were interns? Yeah, but they spent a lot of money on college.
And it turned out for them that it was a skill and it was about who they knew and lucky breaks and things like that. For me, it was ambition. I was relentless that I wanted it. I wanted it. I don't know. College is a great thing to do. Every kid should do it. I'm not saying that, but I just... You have to have that ambition and you have to know what you want and just never give up. And you have to intern nowadays and you have to do stuff for free. Some people figure out in college what they want to do. Right. Not everybody knows. I had no idea. As you guys knew. I didn't know until I was in college. I'd be willing to hear my kid out. Like my kid said, Dad, I don't want to go to college. I'd be willing to hear them out as to, OK, well, what's your plan? Right. If you have a plan, not, hey, I want to play guitar and live at your house and have mom do my laundry. That's not a plan. You know what? I might be depending. See, I might be willing to do that. For a year, maybe. Yeah. There would have to be. A plan. This is what I would. Let's say that my son. I'm just going to pick Ryan. Okay. Let's say that my son, Ryan, who's a year and a half older right now, says when he's 17, 18 years old.
He doesn't want to go to college. He wants to make money doing music. And he's a guitar player. Honestly, I looked at a picture that Jake had drawn this morning. He saw only four. It's not the greatest rendition, rendering, artistic rendering. However, I think he may have some musical ability as an artist. I don't see it. And a lot of kids, even when they're four, you can see that they've got something going. As an artist, I don't see it. But I can be like, I can think cogently about whether or not he has talent for one thing or another. So if I can see at 17, 18 years old that maybe my kid's got something for playing the guitar. And you know what? The kid's actually got some talent. Like your brother-in-law, Ryan. He's got legitimate talent. If I see that, I'd be willing to give him a period of time. Sure. I'd be willing to say, I'll give you one year. Now, you have to work your butt off for one year. And for one year, you can be here, you can live rent-free, and you can try to get this thing going. Sure. And if he says, well, Dad, sometimes it takes longer than a year. Okay, but I'm giving you a year. On the house. On the house.
What about a musical college? Yeah. I mean, you can't put a price on education. There's no price you can put on it. And the people you meet there. And the experiences that you have. And the connections. Yeah, but nowadays, like, my sister's a senior in high school, and all of her friends, I hear them talking about, oh, yeah, I'm just going to major in psychology or sociology, whatever's easy, you know, and you spend hundreds of thousands of dollars sending them there to just... Party. But a lot of people switch majors once they find out. That's why they have those elective courses in the beginning. You have to take general ed classes and you can find a little bit about sociology. You'll find your passion eventually. All I know is I'm sitting in front of two people that went through college. You guys partied your butts off. You had a great time. You really socially got to experience something. This will probably be your career the rest of your life. I hope so. Not everybody's like you. Not everybody has the opportunities that Woods and Lauren have been given. But what I am saying is that I believed in myself at 18 years old. I believed that I was going to be something in radio. Sure. And my dad told me, that's great. Give it a shot. Whatever. My brother, Mark.
My oldest brother, he told me flat out, you're irresponsible? That is a terrible, terrible choice that you would even think to do that. My brother Sam said to me, you won't make it. You will not make it in radio. And he had worked at a radio station just out of college, and he said, how do you suppose you're going to make it in radio? I said, look at guys like Casey Kasem. And he looked at me and said, there's only one Casey Kasem. And I'm telling you that he said to me, I've seen guys that work in radio. They're bored. They're sitting there in that studio. They got their hands up to their face. They look. I mean, he was flat out discouraging me from it. My brother Mark said Apache helicopters. They're hiring. They're hiring right now. He said, I know for a fact that Coca-Cola. is hiring people to do routes right now you could be driving a coca-cola truck you could be and that will give you benefits by the time you're 56 years old you can have a pension pension working at apache helicopters at coca-cola and i said i don't want to do that i want to be on the radio and they told me flat out you are a fool people told me that too you're foolish but what if people what if parents out there think that their son's not as talented
in music as the son thinks that they are. And you discourage them. That's my deal. My family never thought, well, except for Sam, but my family thought that I had talent. And I'm assuming that my brother Sam didn't think I had talent because he said there's only one Casey Kasem. So he must not have thought there's only one Mike. He must have thought, well, what you've got is what a lot of people have. But what I thought I had was extraordinary. I felt I was different than your average Joe. And so I was convinced that if I could just get into the business, I would be pushy and I would be ambitious and I wouldn't stop until I got to the top. That's what I thought.
Yeah, and I think you're fortunate in knowing what you wanted to do. Right. Sure. It's tough for an 18-year-old. Now, if my 18-year-old son comes to me and says, I don't know what I want to do, then I will say to him, go to school. Yeah. But if Ryan came to me and I could see, is this burning? Is that thing burning? No, no. Okay. He's the greatest. Jay is the toaster machine master. 100%. But if Ryan had legitimate talent and I could hear it with my own ears. Now, if I thought he stunk. If I thought that my son stunk at the guitar, I would very tactfully tell him it's college time. Tactfully. But then you're not believing in him. I know, but I believe that I am a good assessor of talent. I believe that. I think you are. I think we know. I think we know. I think as parents, you know. Michael Jordan didn't make the varsity team and he got better. As a freshman, he didn't, but he ended up making it. Yeah. He didn't make it as a freshman. I just see everyone I know and not. Not everyone, but the majority of my friends that have just graduated, I just see them with their degrees and they're not doing anything with them and they're still paying off bills. A lot of people aren't doing a lot with their degrees right now because of the economy that it is. If I didn't have a marketing degree, I wouldn't be sitting right here. It has nothing to do with anything I learned about how to talk on the radio. It has everything to do with how I learned how to market myself. You wouldn't have found my name on YouTube if I hadn't taken...
classes and knowing how to market myself, knowing how to, the technical skills that I've learned, you know, the video editing, the posting, search words, stuff like that, I learned with my degree. So, I mean. Boy, all I know is I look back at those seven years I was in college and how hard I worked the last three years to get that little expensive piece of paper. Wouldn't trade it for anything. Now, I think about LOB, and I think about you, Woods, and what you just said. And I think, OK, I cannot deny what you're saying, Lauren. You learned in college how to do something. And are you telling me that you actually learned while you were going to college, they actually said on YouTube, here's what you do? No, it was just mine was more learning how to code a website with search words to increase.
hits to your site on a search engine, like a Google or something like that. But those skills were transferable. But see, here's the thing that I think about that. Somebody told me this a long time ago. I really believe it. If you want to do something and you want to do something in a particular career, find who's doing it really good and then go talk to them and ask them questions. Now, when I first heard that, I went and talked to Dave Rickards. from Dave Shelley and Chainsaw because I admired him. I respected him. Smart guy. I thought he was a very intelligent guy. And I said, can I have about five minutes of your time and I won't waste it. And I didn't. I just asked him questions. And I'm a firm believer that if you want to be successful, find the people that are successful at it and then talk to them. Sure. You know, because what Lauren's telling me,
I think to myself, somebody could ask Lauren. Somebody could ask Lauren. People have, and the thing with me is, I mean, luck played a huge part in why I'm sitting here. I mean, huge part. So... That's not necessarily, you know, it's not because I have a marketing degree that I'm here. It's not the sole reason, but it contributed to it. And I think I wouldn't even still be living in California had I not had the jobs. I mean, I have a pretty spotty path on how I got here. But if I didn't, if I wasn't able to get the jobs that I had gotten out of college and then after that, you know. promotions and more money I wouldn't be able to afford living here so it's you know everything just to me it's if you don't if you're not sure and you just want to kind of figure it out plus the the social experiences that I have the friendships that I have I think you get exposed to a lot of BS in college you can get exposed to a lot of BS if you walk out your front door I know you can but it's easier in college no it's not yeah it is like what I didn't go to college I'll tell you what
The social aspect that you're talking about is getting laid, drinking a lot of booze. No, it's meeting the best friends of my life and learning how to cohabitate with people. I learned how to cohabitate outside of college. I didn't learn how to... What was the first thing you said? Did you not drink booze and do drugs and get laid? Not till after. Not during my college years. Not from 19 to 22? No. See, but I had a lot of my friends in my hometown that they didn't go to college and they stayed at home and they were bored to death and they got into a lot heavier things. A lot of heavy drugs. Yeah, if you're not doing anything with your life. It's not a blanket statement. You can't blanket it. You can't blanket it and say, hey, you're going to go to college and you're going to do this because you can't discredit college for that experience. I mean, I got boys. That will be with me until the day I die that I'm not in college. I'm from San Diego, and I went to San Diego State, and because I didn't leave town, I went and lived in the dorms and everything, and I still worked. And I made friends in college, but none that I still talked to. Well, how long were you there? Like three years. You were there three years? But you had the reliance of your...
friends that were already here. No, all my friends from high school left. But at Christmas, you were always here. I made better friends at work than I did at school. So school, it wasn't like that for me. M1 Cave Dweller from Wisconsin. What's up? Good. I'd just like to suggest that maybe if your kid doesn't know what he wants to do, maybe you direct him towards some kind of public service. I don't necessarily mean the military, but... There's the Peace Corps. There's Habitat for Humanity. It gives them a sense of community, and it lets them be part of something that's bigger than their own ego. And I went to college, and I dropped out, and then I bummed around a little bit. Then I joined the Marine Corps, and I did five years. And that really helped direct me and give me some discipline and some perspective. And now, you know, I'm actively pursuing a degree that will allow me to work with people with PTSD and substance abuse disorders and stuff like that. Yeah, I mean, if they go for it, if your kid is the type that'll go for that kind of a suggestion, great. I mean, I wouldn't have. My dad told me to go to the Peace Corps. I'm like... Exactly, dude. There's no way. My mom wanted me to join the Army. Yeah. I tried to join the Navy. You did? Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When we come back...
We're going to give you a list of some of San Diego's greatest breakfast places. Oh, yeah. And we want you. We're very passionate. It's like Christmas morning. Yeah. And we want you to mull them over and vote on them with us. It's next. I love your musical choices today. Thank you, my friend. Our boy Jared has got a website called createyourdesignonline.com. And he is a tremendous graphic artist. Tremendous web designer. He can do business cards for you. He does it all. Createyourdesignonline.com. Go check him out. Word of the day is goat. So when you hear me work that word into a sentence between now and 10, then you give us a call.
And caller number nine will win tickets to the NASCAR Nationwide Series. And also that rusty hoodie that's got the MP3 earphones in it. All right, so we're going to give you five choices here for breakfast, San Diego's best breakfast place. Now, this is according to M1s, okay? And we're going to have you vote on it. You could vote on it by... We're only going to give you these choices, okay? Because we've got it narrowed down to five. And we will have this online. You can give your vote on Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. Or you can call us, 570-1949. Your five choices are the Broken Yoke. Delicious. Delicious. Honey's in North County in Encinitas. Scary ordering. No. Hash House at Go-Go in Hillcrest. Oh, can't be beat.
DZ Aikens in La Mesa. And the Potato Shack in Encinitas. This is a breakfast place. Okay, so you got those five. The Broken Yolk, Honey's, Hash House, DZ Aikens, and Potato Shack. They're all incredible breakfast places. But you got to vote on just one. I ate by myself at the Broken Yolk yesterday. Thanks for the call. Well, there's a reason. There's a reason. It was by myself. I was sick. Had to go to Minute Clinic to get medication. Went at 9 o'clock. I was there when they opened. I was the first customer in. Got to beat the lines now because you keep talking about it on the air. Yeah, keep promoting it. True. On the house. True. Helping people out. Yeah. And they gave me a prescription and they didn't open until 10. Ah, she had an hour to kill.
I had an hour to kill. Why not feast? So I decided to feast. Went to Broken Yoke. There was a line, probably an hour and a half wait or something. And I went right in, sat at the front little bar where there's a 68-inch TV, high definition, showing the tournament, and looked at an Asian guy sitting next to me on his iPad. What'd you have? I had the burrito that I'm eating. The other half of today. It looks delicious. That place is great. It's so good. Something happened in there that I wanted to ask you guys. I'll try to remember it, but I remember thinking, I want to ask everybody if what I did was, you know. Monstrous? Was socially unacceptable. Oh, boy. Chances are, yes. AKA monstrous. Yes. It was something that I, you know, Sienna's a debutante. She could tell us. I could. Whatever it was that I did.
I can't remember, but I'll try to remember. But anyway, call us with those choices. Broken Yoke, Honey's, Hash House, DZ Aikens, Potato Shack. I've hit four out of those five. You haven't been to DZ. I have not been to DZ Aikens, but I've hit those four and I've hit them hard and real good. DZ Aikens is fabulous. Fabulous food. 570-1949. This is M1 Carrie from La Mesa. Good. What's your choice? Hash House, a go-go, and Hellcrest. And I live in La Mesa. D.C. Aikens is great and all, but Hash House has this crazy mocha s'more thing that they blowtorch marshmallows all over your place. Oh my, oh my, oh my. It's ridiculous, and their food is just ridiculous. I agree with, I mean, you can't.
I don't think you can beat it. It's hard to beat. They have a unique menu. Everything's so good. They specialize in all this stuff. And, oh, there's combinations that you wouldn't believe. And the portions are huge. Huge portions. That chicken and waffles. And the price is good. L.O.B., do you get healthy stuff there? Mm-hmm. What do you get? I can't remember exactly. I've been there a couple times, gotten different things. A wheelbarrow full of berries? No. Everything that they have there is made fresh and organic and stuff. I like the healthy Bloody Mary. The healthy Bloody Mary? Sort of an oxymoron. It's not really healthy, but it's delicious. What do you get when you go there? Gosh, it's something different every time. I definitely don't go for the healthy. I go for what looks really delicious on the menu. Cover it in gravy. But they have like organic juice and the tangerine juice is so good. I don't like a small coffee cup. It's hard to put cream in. Yeah. And then it's when you stir it, you spill it everywhere. When I'm done with coffee at a restaurant. I remembered what I did. It looks like a four year old was there. There's sugar packets everywhere. Chewed up straws, coffee everywhere. I remembered what I did. Oh boy. I asked someone besides my server.
For something. Oh, dude. Weak move, right? Oh, yeah. Impatient. I feel like a lot of guys, a lot of people in general that I'm with do that. Can I tell you how it went down? Yes. The guy came up to me and he said, does it like more coffee? And I said, no, thank you. But could I get a small orange juice? That's okay. And he went. Totally fine. Totally fine. And he went, what? And I went, could I get a small orange juice? The one that, what? He was only trained to understand yes or no. Yes or no with a coffee. Yes. Naranja, naranja. Just hold your hand. Don't even know what naranja is. He's not even supposed to do that. He's only supposed to be refreshing your water or your coffee. He's like the busser. He did it, and I was stoked. And I thought to myself, I wonder if the waitress is like... I had a waitress one time. This is the thing. It's real bad sometimes when you're a regular and you make friends with a waitress because then they think that you're like their brother or their family and they can just talk to you however they feel like. Yeah. And I remember one time this girl had a lift. She was really cute. Her name was Jackie. And this was the place that I went to where I had ribs when I was obese Mikey and I wore a white shirt and the entire front of the shirt was barbecue sauce.
It was mortifying. It was a mortifying experience. A mortifying experience. What'd you do? I got rib sauce all over me. You paged in the ribs. You should have worn a bib. Oh, it was just, it was mortifying. But anyway, the girl's name was Jackie, and we asked the server, I mean the busboy, for more sauce, and she came back over. And she goes, excuse me, if you guys want something... Can you please ask me? Because I'm going to get in trouble if you don't. Wow. Plus, we have to spill our tips with the... I'm going to vomit. It's making my skin curl. We have to spill our tips with the busboy. And so, it only makes things worse. Thank you. I think if... If she hadn't been back in a while, go ahead and ask somebody. But if she just left, maybe wait for her to come back so she doesn't have her bus by being like, where were you on table six? I was just there. Yeah. Broken Yoke, Honey's, Hash House, Deasy Aikens, and Potato Shack. M1 Orlando from Mission Valley. What do you like? Broken Yoke. Sweet. I've been going to Broken Yoke for years. That's good. And we never have to wait in line. Once in a while, the owner will come and sit down with you and he'll pay for the ticket.
You go at 2 a.m.? Pardon? What time do you go you don't wait in line? Well, we've never been going there for too many years. The owner always brushes it. Easy. Sit in the back with the manager. Easy, DiCaprio. Thank you for the call. I like it. I love Broken Yoke. They're good. They are good. M1 Jose from Carlsbad. Hey, how's it going? Good. Good. Honey's is great. I'll have to roll over it. I agree with Potato Shack. I love Potato Shack. Potato Shack is where L.O.B. and I met for the first time. She says she's not a fan because she thinks she could tell the difference between their potatoes and somebody else's and the eggs. I want to put her to the Pepsi challenge on that. She says she'll take it any day. Love it. I didn't say I didn't like it. It's just not.
There is something around the corner called Honey's that I prefer. Honey's makes me so nervous. Honey's is my fave. It's nerve-wracking walking into Honey's. The food is phenomenal. Here's the deal with Honey's. But it's nerve-wracking. You don't sit down and order. Oh, God. You must go up to the counter and order, and they give you a little number that you put on your table. Then they bring you the food. But I understand what Woods is saying. While you're standing in line, it's crowded. People are trying to get coffee by walking in front or in back of you. They're nudging you. They've redesigned it, though. Serve yourself. It's bigger now? They just took things out of the way, so there's more where that little coffee and walk-through area, it's a lot clearer. They needed to do that. I was scared to death. I feel at the potato shack that the servers are very nice to you if they know you. If they don't know you... I feel like I'm intruding. I've had nothing but great service there. And I go there when family comes in and I take them and they're dynamite. My little brother in Dallas is like, can we go to the Potato Shack? He loves it. And those big ass pancakes. Manholes, they're called. M1 Mike from Vista. Mmm. Delicious. Potato Shack is good. It's good food. I will feast there. You can only pay in cash. No credit cards.
That's a toughie, too. Yeah. You can only pay in cash. You know what the broken yolk reminds me of? What? When I first moved here, I was staying with Mikey and Rebecca, and they were busy all day, and I didn't eat. I hadn't eaten, and I was starving, and I didn't have a car. And finally, at like 2 o'clock in the afternoon, he's like, hey, bro, you want to get something to eat? I was like, absolutely. I ate like an omelet, like five pieces of toast. It always reminds me of that feast, my 12-hour fast. Yeah, I did. I remember him telling me, man, I looked in their pantry. They have, like, no food at all. There's nothing in there. It's, like, gross. There was nothing in there. That's what he said. Oh, my God. There's, like, no chips or anything like that. Baby food. Yeah. Organic baby food. So we went to Broken Yolk. Special place in my heart. It saved my life. I loved it. I was famished. M1 Scrap Lady from Claremont. Broken Yolk, 100%. All right. What do you like about it? Everything. Everything's good. The cooks are Mexican. That is true. And they got Mexican stuff on the menu. Hey, they made me a special hot sauce yesterday. It's so good. It's diarrhea colored. Did you ask for that special hot sauce? No. Oh, okay. The guy brought it out. Oh, yeah. Habanero. Guy brought it out. Habanero. And he goes...
He goes, I have them make me this sauce. I make it for you, too. He knew he had a kindred spirit. Hey, Mikey. Yeah. I finally got my M1 name. What is it? This is actually Cindy, L-O-B. Oh, hi, Cindy. And it's Scrap Lady. I know. Why Scrap Lady? Well, my ex hasn't been a listener of you guys forever and ever and ever. And he's like, you finally started listening to the Mikey show. Nice. I know. And he's like, and now you're all up on L-O-B's business. He goes, okay, I've given you your M1 scrap lady. And I'm like, why did you give me a scrap lady? He goes, because you scrapbook all the time. Oh, wow. That's my M1 name. Scrapbooking. I know. It's such a fun hobby. You did? I did, too. That's a girl thing, man. I have never met one dude that scrapbooks. I'd like to. I want to know that dude. I want to know what he's about. Hugh Hefner.
Hugh Hefner's scrapbooks? Like a madness. He's 170. He's got nude pictures, too. He has, like, a whole upstairs, like, these old upstairs books that he's put together, scrapbooks and photo albums and stuff like that. He lives for that stuff. I wonder if I'll be old and be like, I'm just trying to scrapbook. It's fun. Scrapbook and make love to my 24-year-old boy. 24 hours this weekend. Great. Get some. What are you guys just doing? Math and scrapbooking real good? Cocaine scrapbook marathon? 24 straight hours of scrapbooking. Were you raising money? Let's scrapbook some more. Give me the scissors in that Time magazine. I'm not done yet. I'm not done. Give me the scissors. Give it to me. There's a ribbon. Wow. That's a marathon. Yeah. Marathon. 24 hours straight. Thank you, Scrap Lady. We love you. Love the broken yolk. M1 Surf Daddy from Encinitas. Who do you want to vote for? Hey, guys. Love the show. Love the show. Thank you. Definitely, man. Decisions, decisions. Potato Shack is definitely amazing. Definitely Honey's is right up there with it, but I'm going to have to go with the hash out. Yeah. You know what? It's tough. It's tough. Check this out. Check this out.
Of the calls we took, we have zero votes for Honeys, zero votes for DZ Akins, and the rest of them are tied. Broken Yoke, Hash House, and Potato Shack have all got the same amount of votes. We're going to put it on the website, too. Thanks for the call, man. I put it on the Facebook page already. There you go. There's a bunch of votes on there, too. So we'll go through and look at those. One of the top ten songs downloaded on iTunes. Someone named Selena Gomez. Mikey. Justin Bieber's girlfriend. It is? Yeah. She's a star on her own on the Disney Channel. Nice Bieber. You got a question for Woodsy and Woods of Wisdom? 5701949. Call and ask a question of Woodsy. In. It's great. It's great. Can't look at you. You are a 13-year-old little girl. I can't look at you. If something feels good in my ears, it feels good in my ears. I can't help it.
It's fun. Let's go to the mall after this. Let's go ice skating. Back after this. I'm reading Sammy Hagar's biography right now. How is it? It's good. And he was talking about how when Eddie Van Halen called him to join Van Halen, he'd literally been home for about two days. And he decided, I'm not going to work anymore. I'm going to take about a year and not do anything. Because he was finally at a point in his life where he could do that. So Eddie Van Halen called him and said, why don't you come up and meet me? He said, dude, I can't. I can't. And I can't join the band. I can't. And so they convinced him to come up there. So he went to the studio where Eddie Van Halen was. And it was Eddie and Alex, his brother, and Michael Anthony. They'd been awake all night long. And they were all drunk when he got there.
And he was like, I can't do this. Like, this is a mess. Like, this is a mess. And he said that Eddie Van Halen in his house, the house was just a complete mess. And Eddie got his clothes out of a suitcase. All of his clothes were still in a suitcase. He would just get his clothes out of a suitcase. And Sammy's like, I was the kind of guy at that point that had some money. He goes, I liked wine. I liked restaurants and stuff. He goes, Eddie Van Halen had. A freezer full of frozen burritos. And he would nuke the burritos, and that's what he would live on. And he'd drink a beer and smoke a cigarette. And he would get his clothes out of this suitcase. He's like, my wife ironed my pants and did stuff like that. He's like, I couldn't work with you. There was no way I could do it. He said, it's just an incredible story, but. Did you read this part about this song? Yeah. That was rad. You know, I guess.
He just came up with the words. They played the song. They played this riff, the first riff that they've jammed together. He's on the mic, and he's listening, and he goes, Summer nights in my river. I was like, oh. It just came out. So cool. It just came out. He just started singing it. I love how a song is created. The inception of the song is the best thing. What a jam. So good. I wonder how Valerie put up with him for so long. He says that in the book. He's like, she couldn't have been any nicer. He said, I didn't see her a lot. He said, but the times that I did see her, he said he had this memory that was burned into his memory when he first met Eddie driving up the driveway. And Eddie Van Halen and Valerie Bertinelli were on the hood of Eddie's car drinking a beer. And he said, my wife Betsy and I, we'd never be sitting on the hood of my car drinking a beer. And he said that he thought to himself, that's just really cool. Like she was one of the guys, you know. And he just thought that was really cool of a wife.
I guess Betsy had some issues, his wife Betsy. I bet that $100,000 hanging out of his pocket didn't hurt either. Who? Eddie Van Halen. Yeah. Oh, he said Eddie was broke. Oh, really? Yeah. He said that when he joined the band, all the guys had mismanaged their money, and they were all broke. He said he had money. His manager told him, if you want to join Van Halen, you've got to take a pay cut. Yeah. And he had said, I don't want to join the band, but then he went in the studio. The first time that he met him, they said, let me play you some stuff. They played some stuff. They just let the recorder roll. And they gave him a cassette when he left. And he took the cassette with him. And he said when he got back home, he put the cassette in and he played it. And he went, he said that the hair on his arm stood up. Magic. And he was like, I know I was going to take time off. I have to do this. Dude, I've jammed with a couple guys before that when I sat down and played with them, not that we weren't doing original stuff, but we were just playing, you could feel it. And I've jammed with other guys, too, and you're like, eh. But I've jammed with two guys in my life that when you played with them and sang and they were harmonizing with you, you're like, oh, that's it. Like we could do something, but we never did. One last thing on this. He said that Eddie Van Halen, he didn't know any of the words to any Van Halen song. Yep.
None. He said that Valerie Bertinelli made him listen to the slow song, the ballad on 5150. I don't remember what it was. Love Walks In. Love comes walking in. And it was the first time that Eddie had ever listened to the words of a Van Halen song. He said he didn't give a crap what Dave was singing about. Nope. He didn't know what Dave was singing about. He was only concerned with a guitar. Had no idea what David Lee Roth, none of the songs that Van Halen had ever done, did he know the words to them. It's incredible. It's crazy. Isn't that incredible? Crazy. He's an idiot savant. Oh, yeah. He's unbelievable. I mean, just in a different universe. Where do the days go? Don't forget. Sometime between now and 10 o'clock, I'll work that into a sentence, and you'll get some really cool prizes. What's going on in news, Sienna? Well, if you have any little kids, listen to this. It's very important because this morning, new recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics were published this morning. New guidelines for your car seat when you have little kids. It says that children's car seats, if they're two years of age and younger, need to be turned around. So facing the rear. And a lot of parents turn around so that the car seats are facing forward. Yeah, we just did. Nope.
Now they're saying because of tests and stuff that were done, it's safer for two years to be facing backwards if you're under two. Bon out, Rebecca. Yes. Flip them back around, kid. Flip them back around. It isn't that easy. No. You have to have it professionally done. Whoa. What? I don't know about that. No. What does that mean? You have to. Oh, no. You just opened up a can of worms? I know. Oh, no. Professionally done, huh? No, no, no. You don't. You just do it. Just do it. Just put them in. No, you can do it. Just put them in. Just put them in. Just put them in. Just put them in. Because you're hooking them to the chassis of the car. You can do that yourself. Yeah, yeah. Also, kids need to be in a booster seat until the age. Until they're 40. They say between 8 to 12 years old, which is ridiculous. I'm in a booster seat right now. You need to be at least four feet nine inches tall to be out of a booster seat. Four feet nine. That's Snooki. Yeah. Yeah. That's Snooki. Four feet nine. She's supposed to be in a booster seat. She wrote a book. My goodness. She did write a book, though. Oh, boy. Snooki wrote a book. Snooki. Snooki. You might ask what's the hook. She has a poof and little short boots and really knows how to cook up her party with Snooki.
She writes about it in her book. Read it. Also yesterday, a pretty cool story. An Arizona veteran has given part of his Purple Heart Award. It's a little coin to Representative Gabrielle Giffords. He says that the Arizona Democrat who was wounded in the line of duty just as he was. Take comfort in her coin, I guess, while her husband goes up into space. Yeah, hey, but the good news is she's got a coin. It's an amazing honor to be given that. It is definitely an honor. Wish her husband looked at it as the same. honor as the Purple Heart guy that gave her a coin. Her husband is the commander of the space shuttle Endeavor, and it's going up in space, and she is totally supportive of that. Oh, yes, she raised her thumb one time. He should just give up his life. He gave away his Purple Heart reward, and he can't even give away his little space trip. Little space trip. What's going on in sports? Well, if you hadn't heard, and I'm sure you have, because...
You live in San Diego. The Aztecs had a big win in double overtime against Temple, 71-64. Here's Coach Fisher after the game talking about just how his team played. I told our players when we started the second overtime, well, we're giving them their money's worth. Now let's go out and find a way to win. That's right. And we've done that. We've had some resiliency, and we found a way to win. That's right, man. They're doing it. Sweet 16. They're playing Connecticut on Thursday. And today... In Anaheim. In Anaheim. So get up there. I bet the San Diego State students are going to road trip it up real good. Oh, yeah. Oh, that'd be so fun. Maybe I'll be sick on Friday. No, you will not. Oh, wow. I'm getting a little bit of whatever you have, Mike. You still have time. I mean, what time is the game? Four in the afternoon. 4.15. Yeah. Yes. Also today, Barry Bonds goes on trial for perjury. The trial starts today. He's accused of perjury and obstruction of justice. He testified in front of a federal grand jury in December of 03. Don't matter, man. You could take an oaf and you could still say whatever you want, man. It doesn't matter. Apparently. So he's going on trial today. May do some jail time if he's indicted, which is... Unless he finds the right lawyer, man. Yep. OJ, you did it.
If the glove don't fit, you mustn't quit. That's right. And in this particular circumstance, if the roids don't roid, then you must avoid. If the needle don't stick, you must be quick. Be a hick. You must be a hick. You must have quit. Yeah, that's good. You should probably write a book, though, hypothetically, if the needle did stick. Right. I did. I wrote a book. I didn't do it. But if I did... Here's how I would have done it. The ball's on that map. Just insane. Ball's on you, man. You don't worry about that. Ball's in your court. M1 Ben from Point Loma. Yes. What's going on? So I went on a date with this girl, first date, and she starts talking about her friend's wedding, and I'm like, okay, that's cool. Then she starts talking about how she wants her wedding to be. Oh, boy. First date. Oh, no. First date. How old are you? I'm 36. How old is she? 35. She ever been married? She was married when she was around 16, 17, I think. Is she from Kentucky? Yeah, you'd have to be. Well, where else can you get married at 16, 17? Kentucky. Tennessee. Where's she from? Mexico. She's from Mexico? Fair enough. Okay, and so when did she get divorced? Probably about four years after that. Okay, and so you guys go on a date, start talking about marriage? Yeah. Freak you out?
Yeah, a little bit. All right. Well, some guys it won't. Some guys, I mean, she ain't right for you, but some dudes that won't freak them. I mean, it's okay to talk about marriage, but I mean, I'm not a first date. I don't think. I don't know. It wouldn't bother me. What you could have done is then just agree with her and like, oh, yeah, yeah, me too. And then maybe you could have closed the deal on the first date. Creep. Is she pretty? Oh, yeah. Well, then you got no beef then, pal. It's a deal. It's a dime. She's a dime. Yeah. Dude, just pretend that you're in on it, too, and then you close the deal. For how long is he going to keep up the charade? Just until he closes the deal. Then you go, that's so gross. You monster. I'm not a monster. I'm a realist. It's gross. It's not gross. What if he doesn't want to just close the deal and he wants to date her, but. Yeah, date her. Date her. Yeah. And listen to her incessantly talk about weddings and babies. Incessantly. Yeah, she's a baby too. Yeah. Yeah, see. Just pretend you agree, pal. Trust me. Just trust the kid on this one. Just run. Run fast. Yeah, trust the kid on this one. It's like in Goodfellas when Tommy's just trying to get some from that girl. Yeah, just I need you to go with me. I do a lot of favors for you, Henry. Come on, Henry. It's a Jew girl. She won't go out with an Italian. What do you want me to do? Come on. In this day and age, a Jew girl. Can you believe that? Come on, Henry. I need you to go on one date with me. What's the matter with you? You just go along, pal.
Just try another date, see if she talks about it, because I'm sure if her friend just got married, she's just excited and talking about it. It's top of mind. Maybe she's nervous. Sure. I'm sure her friend got married six months ago, and she's still pulling the card. Oh, come on. No big deal. You know, now that I think about it, if at the age I am, I'm 35, and God forbid, Mike, something happened to Rebecca, and you're out on a date with a woman, or I'm on a date with a woman, or something happened to Jamie. I might be like, so do you have any interest in getting married again? Of course. Or do you have any interest in kids? I would do that. Of course. The older you are, I think it's more, it's better. That's different than saying, when I get married, I want to be on a beach. Hopefully, I'll have about 150 guests. All right. LLB brings up a good point. How did it come up, Ben? Well, at first, she goes, you know, my friend, she's talking about that, which is okay. See that? That's fine. I want to get married on the beach. That's okay. That's natural. That's natural. That was a natural progression. She's talking about her friend and then kind of, you know, makes a natural transition into her. I'm sorry, but the first date, you should be asking questions about the other person to learn about them. You shouldn't be going off on the, flying off the handle about all this stuff. I mean, could a guy be less interested than what flowers you want at your wedding? Come on. Yeah, maybe I'll abuse, right? Maybe that's true. Did you make out at the end of the date? No. Oh, that's weak.
Just a hug. Sorry. Just a hug? Hugs are weird. Hugs are weird. I did it. That's weak. I did it. You hugged at the end of a date? Yeah. Yeah. I asked. Oh, gosh. Can I hug you? Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Sorry. I just made myself sick. Back up. What? Oh. You asked. No, you didn't. That's not true. That's not a true story. No, I asked if I could kiss her. I asked if I could kiss her. And she said no? No, she said yes. Oh, there you go. I didn't ask if I could kiss her. A hug would be weird. You can say, can I give you a kiss? Can I kiss you? Can I kiss you? Can I kiss you on the mouth? I really want to. Can I kiss you on the mouth? Where else would you kiss her? Gosh darn him. Creepy. I see you looking at me sometimes. I just want to kiss you on the mouth. Why would you say that? Can I kiss the tip of your nose? Can I do Eskimo kisses? Butterfly kisses. I'm going to lean in now. Is it okay if I kiss you? Can I kiss you with my tongue? Don't worry. I just put in an Altoid. Can we French? I Frenched you. No, no, Jay. Shh.
All right, fine. Let's do some Woods of Wisdom. If you have a question for Woodsy and it's like guy stuff, 570-1949. Yeah. We got email questions. Woodsy. Woodsy. Woods. So I have been on and off with this guy for 10 months and I recently ended things with him due to him putting everything else before me. Okay. He's taken up about a quarter of my closet with his dress uniforms for the military. and has body, hair, and shaving stuff in my bathroom. When I ended things with him, I told him to come get his stuff. It's been a couple of days, and he hasn't returned my phone calls or text messages telling or asking him to come get his stuff. He's done this to me before and just ignored me for almost a month and a half.
I'm over him being childish, but I know his uniforms are important to him, cost a lot of money, and I don't want to see them anymore. Sure. What should I do? Just leave them or get rid of them? M1 Christine. Well, I don't think you want to throw his stuff away, obviously, but I think what you should do, and this is something we've probably all done, is just make the bag. You get a big old bag, you throw all the stuff in it, and throw it in the closet, and when he's ready to come get it, or you can do this bit. This is a good bit. Text him. Put all your stuff in a hefty bag. It's on my front porch. If it's not there, if it's still there by the time I get home from work, it's gone. So come get it today. Childish man boy. Because he's in the military, you may also, but you have to live up to what you say. You can't just put it out. You got to do it. Because he's in the military, it might also work if you say, look. I'm going to call your CO and tell your CO that I got your stuff and I don't want it. I'll just give it to him if I have to. Because he can give it to you. He'll have his butt over there picking up that stuff. He'll call you right back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. This one says, Woods, I've never been bowling in my life. I'm 26. I kind of think it's dorky. I picture those guys on TV that look like the dude that shot John Lennon. Mark David Chapman. What? Wow. Anyway.
This girl I like wants us to go really bad. I told her that I would so that I don't look bad, but I don't want to. What do you wear? Any bowling tips? I hate that I'm even having that. I'm one anonymous. First of all, anonymous, you're about to make yourself look real, real dumb because you've never been. You're 26. You must be from Kenya or something. You need to get out. No, I think they even bowl in Kenya now. Probably. You need to get out there and roll a few balls before you go with this broad or you're going to look like an idiot. Like a dork. You're going to look like a dork. Just tell her and be like, oh my gosh, I've never bowled before. He will be immediately emasculated. She'll think it's cute because it's the first time she's seen him bowl. Yes, she will. Sienna, if you, if you, and let's say you met Todd and Todd, you guys had a company softball game and Todd was out there like. Softball is different than bowling. Let's say Todd threw.
13 butterballs, you'd be like, oh my God. I got one. No. I wouldn't care. You know what it reminds me of? It sounds like you're going ice skating. Yeah. Same bit. Dork. You're falling around. You look like a dork. You do look dorky if you don't know what you're doing. You don't have to be, you know, Earl Anthony out there or anything. I think it would be funny. If I went ice skating with a guy, I would love it if they had never gone before and were falling. I can give him a tip. That's different. I can give him a tip to not gutterball. Ice skating is for girls. Okay, well, bowling, it doesn't matter. I would seriously love the fact that it was their first time going and they were awful because we would be laughing about it. And it's not like she's going to be some professional bowler. Yeah, but she's probably not going to gutter ball it. What if she throws a 110 and you throw a 7? Then that's the relationship. It's emasculating. It is emasculating. No, it's not. You girls don't know what it's like to have a piece. You don't know what it's like. You've got to be a guy. You've got to have a wiener. None of us are like, you know what I need in a man? A bowler. A really good bowler. It's about the guy and how it makes a guy feel. I wouldn't want to take a girl on something that makes her... What if I'm like, hey, how about we go on this fun thing where...
Whatever it is. Like you spread your legs, open and close, and you're like, ooh, that would make me feel weird. Like it's some kind of event. I don't know. What dates are you going on? I don't know. But like whatever it is, it involves something that would make you uncomfortable. I get that. Because you want to wear a skirt or a dress or something. But she would assume that everyone in the U.S. has been bowling. So it's not like she's throwing a fastball at him trying to give him this weird event. Right. It isn't a weird event, but he needs. He might need to go roll a few frames with his guys. If he's got her balls, though, Ella, who cares? I'm telling you, I could see he may feel emasculated, but if he could laugh about it, she will love him. You know what he should do? Because it's going to be so cute and funny. Yeah, underball. Granny. Just make jokes about the fact that you've never bowled. Hey, and say, how do I stand? And then maybe she can get a little feelski up on you. I mean, if you go beforehand. You don't know what it's like to be a guy. If you go beforehand, you're going to put way too much pressure on yourself. And then you're going to be sore. Take guys' call. I want a guys' call. But we're girls. We're telling you we don't care. Yes, you do. But don't you care about us? You guys are crazy. But we would think it was cute. It's not cute. It's lame. I bowled with you guys at our last meet and greet.
And there were gutter balls, and never did I think. You can't bowl. Hey, what about every time, though? Every time. Why are you assuming it's going to happen every time? Because I've seen it. I've seen it happen. Oh, yeah. I went bowling for the first time when I was like 23, and I didn't gutter ball. You're a girl. But I didn't gutter ball every time. It wouldn't have mattered if you did, is what we're saying. Because you're a girl. Because you're a girl. It doesn't matter. I wasn't embarrassed about calling his people. Girls aren't as good at stuff as guys are, L.O.B. You're proving my point. You're saying, hey, I went out there and I didn't even gutter ball. She said she did, but not every time. No one gutter balls every time. I got a tip for him. They don't. I got a tip. Somebody taught me this. It was really good. You did what? No. I got a tip for you. What? You didn't? Your brother. No, I can play. My brother was not good at bowling in the meet and greet. But you know what? He got strikes towards the end. He got better. He got better. Because he's outing him right now. I wasn't. I didn't say a word. Jay said it. He's like, great, thanks. You know what? But my brother was laughing about it, and he was a good sport. I didn't notice. I'm going to give it a tip. Yes. It's not a big deal. So here's a tip. Take your thumb. Yeah. Point your thumb straight forward towards the pins.
And when you release the ball, your thumb still has to be pointed towards the pins. The ball's going wherever your thumb is pointed. Very good. And use the arrows. Use the arrows. It's going wherever your thumb is pointed. I like to aim for that second arrow other than the middle. This is ridiculous. You guys are nerds. You guys are nerds. No, we're not. We're smart. Who cares? So go on YouTube or eHow. You have to go do a warm-up session. I'm in on that, Ellie. Let me get a couple lessons. Don't go in there cold. If you're that insecure about yourself, men. M1 Fritz from downtown. Good, man. What's up? Well, yeah, you were talking about the date that if it was reversed, the girls opened their legs. That really strange comment. I know, but you got what I meant. I know, I know. I didn't. What if it was the date was still... What if the date went to a bikini fashion show? The girl, I think, would be feeling really comfortable. Yeah, what if the guy's like, hey, let's go to a bikini fashion show? How is that comparable at all? What would the girl have to do at a bikini fashion show? Well, the bikini has to fashion for him.
Oh my gosh! What? You guys! That would never happen. What if they went to one of those places where you open your legs and close? Yeah, you just open it. LLB, do you want to go out? Yeah. What if he entered her in a wet t-shirt contest without her knowledge? Hey, LLB, I'd like to ask you out on a date. Do you want to go to the open and close your legs shop? Yeah. Let's go there. Oh my. That's so much fun. I don't. Thank you for that. Ridiculous. Bowling is something that everybody, most people have done. It's not a ridiculous request. Open and close shop is a weird thing. That's not weird at all. That's just appropriate. How about a movie? Bowling is fun. Bowling is fun. They are going to connect. He's good if he's bad. If he's bad, she's going to rouse him and be like, well, we're going to have to go again so I can give you lessons. Yeah, because you suck. Or she's going to go. This dude I went on a date with, the guy couldn't even bowl. He bowled a six. He bowled a freaking six. If she was a dude, that might happen. No, we are sweet at night. Don't die. We don't care. Really? In fact, it's almost a turn on. Yeah, it is. Holy God. This guy's got more important things to do than worry about his bowl game. I'm in. Me too. Hey, let's play Name That Tune. All right. 5701949. Pick me, L-O-B, Sienna, or Woods.
570-1949. What's the prize, Jay? We've got tickets to the round of engagement for Lincoln lawyer, Matthew McConaughey. Cool. Tonight's 8 o'clock album is Bright Eyes. The People's Key. All right, let's play Name That Tune. 570-1949. We play Name That Tune a little bit different than the traditional. Because for us, it could be a song, but it could also be a clip from a movie. It could be anything. And you just have to pick one of us that you think will win the game for you. 570-1949 is our number. M1 Kiko from Mission Valley, who do you want? I want what? It's a good choice. Hang in line. M1 Get Sticker Maker, who would you like? Mikey. All right. Sorry. M1 Mary from Marietta, who would you like? LRB.
Yeah. Poor Sienna. Just take it to the house. Poor Sienna. I'm on Lisa from Lakeside. Hi. I want Sienna. I do too. You get the privilege of Sienna. Thank you, Lisa. Lucky. Oh, she's so nice. So lucky. Hang on. Hang on. All right. Again, what do they win? They get passes to go see the Lincoln lawyer. Okay. It's that Matthew McConaughey movie. All right. What's the theme today? Black. Hello, Brie. Hello, Brie. Let's do it. Wait, wait. What? Title or artist? Yes. Okay. Title or artist? Yeah. It changes. Oh, it changes. Okay. All right. Fine. That's why I specified. Okay. Here we go. What? Mikey. What? ACDC. Here we go. Mikey. Depeche Mode. Look at you in the hunt. Woods. Darn it! Pearl Jam. Woods 2, Mikey 1. Sienna, jump in here anytime. I'm like a second behind. Man, I'm going to take Jay down today. Yeah. He's really getting there. Uh-oh. Here we go. Woods. Soundgarden. Here we go. Woods. Santana. Come on, Mikey. Come on, Mikey. My brain. That was set up for you, dude. I got to do my bit. Here we go. Don't do it. Don't do it. Woods.
Sienna. Mikey. Michael Jackson. Good job, Mike. I'm on to you. Yeah. Me too. It's a weak bit. Here we go. Mikey. Sienna. That was a rap artist. Three. Sienna. Two. One. Yeah. Mikey loses a point. Will Smith. Sienna. Mikey won. Woods four. Sienna won. That's a bad bit. Here we go. Woods. Sienna. Woods. Rolling Stone. Paint it black. Lauren. Lauren was. I'm half a second behind everyone. Thrashing around her chair. Yeah, she was. It's the baseball scene in Twilight. We play it on the station. Oh, my gosh. Seriously. Three, two, one. The black keys. Yeah. Nobody else? I know it's on the station. Muse. Muse. Dang it. Garrett.
Oh, my gosh. You guys didn't know that. It's only their giant hit. Oh, my gosh. What's the matter with you, Mike? Get on it. I knew it. What's it called? Why is it black? Supermassive Black Hole. Oh, I was Supermassive Black Hole. Hello, Bree. What? It's called the parade. My Chemical Romance. No, it's not My Chemical Romance. It's Son of a... Damn it! Just sound it out. Woods. You can't. Lauren. The Black Parade. Dang it. It was Chemical Romance, but you said it's not the Chemical Romance. I said my Chemical Romance. You said it's not the Chemical Romance. I think Woods should get it because he did say. He can't say it's not. I said my Chemical Romance. You were reaching. You were like, it's not this, not that. I said my Chemical Romance. I'm the judge. You do not get it. You said it's not the Chemical Romance. Roll the tape. Yeah, we'll roll the tape. All right. Son of a. We have a competitive. Yeah. Here we go. You're still winning my 18 points. Am I? So what's the score? Woods has four. Mike and Lauren have won.
Okay, so these next two are three-pointers. Okay. Here we go. Mikey. Mikey. Sienna. Jewel. Sienna. Go ahead. Avril Lavigne. Wow. Three-pointer. Score. Mikey, negative two. Lauren, one. Woods, four. Sienna, three. Here we go. Here we go. Three-pointer? Three-pointer. Woods. Woods. Old Blackwater. Oh, Mississippi Queen. No. Lauren. I mean, Mississippi woman. Shoot. It actually, it was Blackwater. Oh, yes. Good. You got lucky. Man. You changed your answer. I should have made you. Yeah, well, you stole one from me earlier. I didn't steal it. You gave it away. M1 Kiko. Yep. Woods wins again. I knew it. You knew it, buddy. What did he win, Jay? Tickets to the Lincoln lawyer. You said that two minutes ago and I already forgot. You said it. That's right. Hang on.
Enjoy that movie, pal. Oh, boy. On me. I got in second. That's good. Why do people still not choose me? I know. Well, you just got in second today. It's not like you get in second today. Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. Be careful. I'm behind glass. That's a cobra over there. That's a cobra. I'm just saying, you asked an answer. Hey, listen. I think I got better than you, and I beat you in a game. That is true. But I'm not the one complaining about why I don't get picked. That is true. I just had to eat a thumbs. Today, except you always say something when Woods gets picked first, and you say, weird. I said that again today. Don't poke the tiger. Let me tell you something. When the girls get after it, it's scary. Like, Jay and Woods can get after it. Yeah, it's no big deal. Whatever. The girls get after it. I want to get in the fetal position. and suck my thumb. Maybe they're cycling. What? They're just riding their bikes over the weekend. We never get into it. And when we do, it's more mature. Oh, really? No. It's the most passive-aggressive. More mature. They were just going, well, you're the one that always complains. I fight the same with you as I would with once. That's true. I want to let people know to be careful because... Thanks.
You mean Sienna and LLB? I saw one over the weekend. You did? Yeah, I saw one along the trail when we were riding. Dude, that's the story. The story is that on trails, they're starting to wake up. They hibernate. And they come out and they get warm on the road. Have you seen any? I have not. Nor have I. They don't crawl on your house. You typically don't end up in your living room. We rode right by. I had a bunch of little boys. We were riding bikes. rode by and I was like, snake! And I actually stopped right by it. And I was like, keep going, keep going. Did you do anything to it? No. Did you jostle it or anything? You want to try to leave them alone. Let them do their own thing. Jostle it. Jostle it with a stick? Yeah, it was about two foot, two and a half feet. It's the worst thing you can do. You don't jostle them. You get a stick and you go, get, get. No, you don't. That's the worst thing you can do. It's the worst possible thing you can do. You get a long stick and you tell them, get. You're on your bike, you pick your legs up and go. If anyone's listening, don't do that. Please don't. Actually the worst. They can strike the length of their body. Oh, my God. Yes. This one wasn't ready. He was just crawling. So I went by and then.
Boy on a bike, boy on a bike, and then dogs came flying through. Dude, I would have freaked out if my dogs were out there with it. I don't think it kills dogs. Listen, I know that you're going to think this is an excuse. I promise you it's not an excuse. It's the reason I don't go on the trails. Oh, you're a crazy person. You're such a clown. You're such a clown. You don't go on the trails because they don't have wireless. Yeah, fair enough. Smorgasbord. Yeah. Which is why I don't go. There's no brownies on there. I'm not going to go. There's no walk-through restaurants out there. That's why you don't go. I am being serious. No, you're not. I am. How come it's never come up until now then? Every time we always make fun of you for not going on trails. I'm telling you. Or walks. I don't go on trails. Or workouts. There's snakes. You cannot sell us on that. There's no snakes and frogs, pal. Yeah. Yeah. There's no snakes in the gym. I would like to go on a trail. You should. I have. You see him in the head and you're like, okay, there's a snake. Don't go near it. Duh. Duh. They could slither around your ankles. Losing. Getting bit. Losing. Ow. Badly. Scoreboard doesn't lie. It never has. Listen, I put my headphones in. I wouldn't hear the warning. Don't put your headphones in. You see. Huh? You don't have to put headphones in.
I don't put headphones in. Well, I like to listen to music. How about birds and animals? Oh, here you go. Wear one headphone. Wait a minute. Lauren's answer is, well, don't listen to your damn music. You don't have to. I like to listen to music while I exercise. Okay. Well, lower it enough so you can hear what's going on around you. And a lot of snakes aren't going to give you the... Yeah, they only do that when they're aggravated. Rattlesnakes, if they see you, are going to give you the warning. If you just look where you're walking, you're going to be fine. Oh, forget it. I've passed rattlesnakes. They don't do that unless they're feeling intimidated. Do they strike without a rattle? That doesn't happen, right? I've walked past them, and unless they're feeling intimidated, they don't strike. If you start to go up and poke them with a stick, then yes, they're going to strike. Yeah, you jostle them. What if they're feeling silly? What if they're feeling precocious? Precocious, yeah. What if they're feeling precocious? What if it's April Fool's and they just want to throw you off? Yeah, they're messing with you. They're just hungry. They want to eat Mexican. Yeah. They like Mexican. Yeah. Oh, I bet it's the worst. Call us if you've ever had a snake bite. Oh, Mikey, please don't. It scares me to death. I've had a shot called a snake bite.
Is that what you're looking for? I have to. Yukon Jack. Yeah, Yukon Jack. Lime juice. Lime juice. It's delicious. I had a friend in college. They called him snake. Does that count? And when he'd bite you on the arm, they'd call it a snake bite. Harold. M1 Harold. Got bit in the boot. Was wearing a steel-tipped boot. Got bit in the boot. Petrified. I had a snake that kind of bit up, and I had hit it with a hoe. What was her name? I was looking for something. A gardening hoe. And it pulled on, extended up, and it, like, right at my shirt. It just, like, hit the shirt. I punched it in the face. And then we ate it. And then I ate it with my baby. I milked it, and I drank rattlesnake milk. Jasper took it for lunch the next day. Now Kim has it as a purse. It's great. Made it in a purse. Nothing to waste. Yep. Maddie's got a little wallet. I made literally earrings from the teeth. See this belt? Same snake.
I've made countless belts, wallets, and shoes. We named Roy. Roy the Rattlesnake. Roy my belt. Hey, honey, you seen Roy? I'm wearing it. I think you left it in your third jar. Roy. I'm with Oscar from Chula Vista. Are you there, Oscar? Yeah. Hi. Yeah, I'm here. Hi. Yeah. I can't relate what Jay says about it. I used to do a lot of mountain biking, a lot of mountain biking racing. And I've actually stepped on a couple of bikes a long time ago. Oh, my gosh. I never had one actually coming towards me. I just got chills. I just got chills. But, yeah, I've seen several. I mean, it's not the first time. And also, this was really freaky because there was one time out of nowhere, this wild horse just came. You know that doesn't happen. Yeah, yeah. A wild horse? Yeah. Wild horse? You're in Montana? Couldn't drag me away. South Carolina? No. A bridle? Yeah, yeah. He didn't have that.
He was just wild. Oh, he was just running wild. Well, be careful of wild horses and the rattlesnakes. Stampede season is upon us. They come out and sun themselves and then jump up and attack. It's H&R season. It's horse and rattlesnakes. H&R. H&R. Thank you for the call. Oh, boy. I'm on Stu from La Mesa. I think that's a wild horse. Hi. I would have shot him. Punch him in the neck, dude. I would have shot him.
I would have shot him 50 times. He's just living his life. Boy Scouts always carry weapons. Thank you. He's got a job. Yeah, maybe they get it. Thank you, Stu. You're in their habitat. I don't care. They scare me. Just relocate them if you can. Great story for you. My brother Mark, my oldest brother Mark, is out hunting in Arizona. He fell into a wash. Do you know what a wash is? Wash is what happens when it flash floods. In the movie Into the Wild, his car got caught in a wash. A wash is an area that looks like a dug-in piece of ground where a flash flood ran through. It's dug out. It's a hollow area. Hollow. Hollow. He fell into it. Yeah, he's walking, and he fell into it. He slid down into it. It's about four feet, you know, that you slide. And he came to rest and his foot came and pushed the rattlesnake. And it as soon as his feet hit it. And he had his shotgun with him and spread his legs open and shot. He said he might as well have shot his feet off. It was how quickly he did it. He said it's the most because still to this day, you ask Mark, what's the scaredest you've ever been?
That was the moment. The most scared he's ever been. No question. Rattlesnakes didn't scare me, but water moccasins, because they're just vicious. Because I used to have to move the ski ramp out, and they would live. The water moccasins would live underneath the ski ramp. And so we would be swimming it out, pushing it out, and then get it to where the boat could hook up to it and haul it out to lock in. And the water moccasins would just come out. Oh, my God. I was just like water snakes. Yeah, they're like water rattlesnakes. Are they in San Diego? They come at you. No, no, no. They're in the south. Yeah, they come at you. Oh, my gosh. And they're like in balls of them. They're just everywhere. They will. Oh, my God. They will come after you. Oh, my God. Why? Why are they not so scared? They're just mean. I mean, if you disturb their nest, they come after you. Just the fact that they've got something called a nest. A nest of water moccasins. I work for the county, and I would have to go in and clean out these.
culverts. They'd be filled up with rocks like a fire hose and you could smell the watermarks in there. You could smell it? It's a real musty kind of weird smell. You're like, okay, I'm not going in there. There's snakes. It smells like a basement. Yeah. They scare the hell out of me. LOP's freaking woods out. I hate snakes. I hate them so much. She keeps running her fingers through his arms and scaring him. Sounds like Mitty Madness a little bit. We got some good stuff. I got a bunch of directions that are going. I want to talk about Sienna's observation that she made that we can all relate to. It has to do with windshield wipers and getting irritated. Tell you next. We can't laugh without telling this story. This is 70s gold, all right? This is Paul Davis.
And I love this song. It's called I Go Crazy. Who doesn't? And one time, Bark Malman said... Mutual friend of yours. Yes. Mutual friend of Woods and I said, Paul Davis, king of the P words. And it struck both of us as just... I guess it got you guys pretty good. Still does. I don't know why. I guess sometimes it's random things. Coming from him and listening. And when you listen to the song, you're like, I guess so. The guy's crying about stuff. King of the Peace. Look at him. He's just got a beard and a mustache. Long blonde hair. Long ZZ Top hair. King of the Peace, Paul Davis. Great song. Great song. Dynamite song. Paul Davis is sitting in his house in Point Loma going, really, guys? Yeah. He's like, you know what? I've been retired now for.
28 years. I just fish in the afternoon. Yeah, I fish in the afternoon, but in the mornings I enjoy the Mikey show. I'm a philanthropist. I'm a philanthropist, yeah. Later today, I'll probably feed 45 kids in Africa. Community service all day long. You guys got to drag my name through the mud? Call me the king of the P-words? Yeah, I got my Mikey show M1 sticker on my car. I'm wearing my Mikey-thon t-shirt. I gave 50 bucks. 50 bucks, and now I'm king of the P-word. I bet he was king of the P-word. Oh. He probably was. He probably was. He probably was. Big Ted deserved a double cricket. Oh, my God. Such a good song. Yeah. Listen to him sing. What's going on in this scene? Well, if you live in the...
Imperial Beach area stay out of the water because it is contaminated with sewage. From Mexico? There has been a sewage runoff, yes, from Tijuana. And they say that until the measurements show that the sewage levels are safe, signs are up right now to keep you out of the water. Don't go in until they tell you you can. Furry and brown. That's disgusting. Also kind of interesting was the... .xxx domain has been approved for internet porn sites. You know, instead of .com.org, now it's .xxx. This has been a 10-year battle, which was just won. I see my letters have finally paid off. There's that person. Two guys can't make a difference, would. No, I mean, I see the good and the bad in it. There's religious groups that say, you know, you're giving porn its own domain, which basically legitimizes the content. And then there's people. People that say with the .xxx, it's meant to, governments can try to mandate its use so that porn sites could be more easily blocked. That way you know what you're getting into, you know. It's placebo sites. Mike does not. How do you feel? Parents could block it or your wife could set up a block, you know. Really? And you don't think that they'll stay on the .com? Maybe they'll have to get off. I think they should have to move. I think they should have to so you know exactly what you're looking at.
Hmm. I have to think about it. Okay. I mean, I'm against pornography. You mull that over. I'm for accountability. X3watch.com. You can download some free accountability software. You look at something sideways, it'll email your friend. And they'll know exactly what kind of perverted site you're looking at. No, you think you. What? And they'll write you an email and they go, hey. Wild Willie. Hey, Creepy. Hey, Woods. Hey, Woods, maybe you and I can sign up for it. And you go, hey, Chase, look at this. He's like, damn, I better check that out. We can go back and be each other's accountability. That's not what it's intended for. Woods, what's going on? I hate all of you. Kyle Busch won his fifth consecutive NASCAR race at the Bristol Motor Speedway. He beat Carl Edwards. He was basically talking about how a... A little glitch at the end of the race almost caused some of the race cut. And it just got loose on me, so I just had to back off and try not to hit the wall. And then I had to regather my stuff, and then that's when the car seemed to come to me, and I could really start driving away from there. That's right. It's a short track. Yeah, sure it is. Yep.
And then this past weekend, UFC 128. There is a new champion in the UFC, by the way. His name is Jon Jones. He is the youngest champion in UFC history. He's 12. Yeah, he's literally 12 years old. He beat Mauricio Shogun Rua in a third-round TKO. And he is 23 years old, I do believe. Wow. Young champion. I don't want to mess with that, dude. Saw a picture of him this morning. Badass. Really? Just looks like... Yoked? Yeah, you don't want to mess with this. Shogun. Bad, dude. And he beat him. They said it was pretty ridiculous. Really? Yep. Let's see. Probably just put a scapegoat in there for him the next time. Yeah. And just let somebody fight him just so that they could get to a rematch. That'd probably be a great rematch. Okay, tell me what you think about this. Sienna, I love what she put in her recap today. She was saying that she had a moment of rage. Not a lot of things get her to this level, but this one happened to be one of her biggest pet peeves. She's driving home from work on Friday. She's behind a...
RAV4. And this woman decides to start cleaning her windshields and spraying washer fluid all over Sienna's car. I was right behind her. Were you tailgating? No, but, like, you don't have to be far. You don't have to be. I don't know. It's the worst bit ever. Really? It's a good bit. You're a monster. You're a monster. If you're driving on the freeway and you wash your windshield, you're a... What if you can't see? If there's a car behind you, you wait until that car is gone. Never. Never. Never has that crossed my mind. You should be too car length. Don't tailgate me. I was not tailgating you guys. You are right on my rear. I can see you. I can see your red hair glowing in the sun. No. I went right by and looked at her as if to be like, you be. And she wasn't even acknowledging me. She didn't even know I was there. I wouldn't know I did anything. I'm telling you, I wasn't tailgating her. I wouldn't know. You should be aware of your surroundings. Be aware. Be aware? Yes. What do you mean? Be aware that there are people behind you and have you never had to stop? I'm trying to clean my windshield. I'll crash so I don't hit the hood of your car. You're going to crash. Why do you care if there's washer fluid on your car? Because it's spraying my car. I had to turn it off.
It's a cleaning agent. I don't want to turn on my wipers. Oh, it's poop sprayer. Maybe I just had my car washed and now I'm messing up my windshield because you have sprayed it. Oh, wow. This is the weirdest thing I've ever heard. Oh, no, it isn't. I am with Sienna. Thank you. Nothing makes me more mad. Me too. Listen, you get that spray on your window. And then you've got to use your spray. Oh, my gosh. It's such an inconvenience. It is. Oh, my gosh. Watch this. Oh, wait. Don't spray on your finger. I'm sorry. I'm going to reach out. Hold on. Hang on. No. You're going to hurt yourself. It's not that it's a difficult thing to do. It's that how inconsiderate are you? I'm right behind you. You want me to just throw food on your car? Yeah, exactly. It's the same thing. I'm throwing stuff. It's a cleaning. I'll just take my water bottle off. I mean, sometimes it's Gibby water. Like, I fill my water some days. Hey, how about this then? How about if I was water? Wait. I don't know what he said. No, no, no. You want to know what he just said. I do? What, what, what?
He goes, it's water. I go, no, it's a cleaning agent. He goes, no, I fill mine up with water sometimes. Sometimes. Are you kidding? Why not? Why not? It works as well. All it is is water and pushing stuff around. So basically, you have a little mud container. No, it just water goes. You make mud. Makes it fly off. You make mud. It's smeared. No, it doesn't. It's amazing. Listen, if you're driving down the road, L.O.B., and some guy comes up next to you. He's got a thing of Windex. And he goes, I would say thank you. You're going to be like, thanks buddy. That is at point blank. It is. They spray it right on your car. Only if you're tailgating. I do it to tailgaters all the time. I do it to tailgaters. That's a good bit. It goes like 20 feet. That's a good bit. But that's a good bit. It isn't a good bit. If somebody's riding my bumper, I'm going to... I have never thought. I do that bit. Oh, I've done it as well. When you guys are behind me from now on, I'll always do it. I like it. Hey, my car is always just like an S-Box, so I don't care. If I am going to get in front of Lauren now just to spitball. She's going to be like, ah!
It'll save me money. I'll just use your fluid. That's my name. You're not expecting it, though, and all of a sudden there's water all over your windshield? Oh, my God. If you have a rear windshield wiper, you can take the little hose mount on it and point it back at the car behind you, and you could spray people right in the windshield. It'd be like the game Spy Hunter. How would you want to do that? Just because they're tailgating you. And it's just, like, here's the thing. Yes, it isn't the end of the world. I'm not saying it's the end of the world. But I say it for the same reason as I wouldn't want somebody pulling up beside me either with Windex. What if I'm on the freeway and the sun, all of a sudden I go to a bend in the freeway and all of a sudden the sun is causing all this dirt to, ah, I can't see. I have to use my washer fluid to get it off. You have to pull over? No. What am I supposed to do? Your washer fluid. isn't going to do something about the sun. No, no, no. But if you have a dust layer that you didn't notice until you get around the bend and the sun is now causing that dust layer to make it so that you can't see through your car. You can turn on your wiper, just don't turn on the washer fluid. All it does is smudge. Change lanes so no one's behind you. Pull over. Get off the freeway. By the time you spray down your car with your windshield fluid, you're out of the... No, you're not. No, you're not.
You're on a four mile turn. We should take. Woods and Jay just said that you would spray people if they're tailgating you. Now, if you weren't trying to punish them, it wouldn't be an insult to spray water on them. It's a way to say, hey, get off my butt. It's a way to say, get off my butt. When no one's on your butt, you shouldn't be doing that. If you weren't on my butt, it wouldn't reach you. I'm telling you that I don't tailgate and I wasn't on their butt and they did it and it was inconsiderate. I'll teach my kids this bit. Your middle finger. You teach your kids middle finger? Yeah. I teach the horn. Somebody's tailgating them? I teach the horn. What about this weekend? And the horn. When you're talking to your little leaguers, you're going to teach them the finger? Well, I'm not going to teach. They're not my kids. Because they're not my kids. They're not my kids. They're going to come from my... From your loins? My loins. Or from a fake adoption agency. What? What? But you'll teach your kids that. You know me. I'm a goof. I'll goof around. You will. I'll joke around. Yeah, I'll joke around like this. Just say, hey, this would be funny. You should give people the finger. If they do something to warrant the finger, yes, they can do that. Nothing warrants the finger. A lot of stuff warrants the finger. M1, get sticker maker from IB. What was the word of the day? Goat. I didn't even hear it. You just got yourself tickets to the NASCAR Nationwide Series, and you got yourself a rusty hoodie that has a little wired.
MP3 earphone set in it. It's killer. Cool. The NASCAR series? I did. Badass. Yeah. I'm a Steve NASCAR fan. There you go, buddy. Hang in the line. Nice. Hang in the line. Let's see. Oh, here's another one. M1 Agro. His name is M1 Agro. Oh, wow. From Vista. Are you there, Agro? What do you do? I change the direction on my windshield wiper. Oh, my gosh. So that it would shoot. straight over my car and get the guy tailgating me from behind. Keep it warm, dude. Aren't you scared that they're going to, like, go nuts or bump into your car or throw something at you? Like, I don't ever want to do anything that's going to make them mad. Just water. And it just says, hey, back up a little bit. I'll shoot you with a little more water. I'm going to get you. Now. Grow up little kids. Grow up little kids. Grow up little kids. I get the tailgaters. I don't like the tailgaters. You know what I do?
I put my blinker on and I move over to the next lane. I know you do. Why not? That's okay. Why not do that? Because that's your choice. See, I slow down even slower when they kill me. Me too. That's monstrous too. Yeah, but I won't spray water on them. Why don't you get out of the way? Because I hate being sprayed with water. I don't mind it. I kind of like it because it cleans me up. I've never purposely sprayed anybody with anything. Yeah, but I guarantee people have been behind you and they were like, that bee? Because you have to be aware of people around you. I'm aware of people around me. I just am more concerned about crashing. I'm more concerned about crashing than them getting sprayed with a few drops of washer fluid. Because most of it's going on my windshield, if not all of it. You decide for them. Do you guys yell at the sky when it rains? Do you scream at the sky? Damn you! If my car flicks up little rocks... Do you yell at the road? Are you going to yell at my wheels? No, because that's not your choice. That's preventable. Well, it happens to be that...
I need to clean my windows because I'm going to crash into the car in front of me. No, it's not selfish. It's not selfish. It's safety. Safety first. You're being scared about dirt on your windshield, yet you're surprising the person by just spraying water right out. How much gets back there? Just a little bit. A lot sometimes. Mine has never gone. Otherwise, the hood of my car would have drops on it. I've never seen drops on the hood of my car. Are you guys telling me that you've never been irritated when somebody squirted water? Nobody's ever done that to me. It doesn't bother me. It happens all the time. Nobody's ever done it to her. Let's do a test on the way home. We'll see how much it gets on my window. It will bother you because it's so much that you have to turn on your wipers. That is awful. If you just got your car clean, now your car is all full of glue. We should take calls. We should take calls. First of all, it has to hit your windshield, then go over the hood of your car onto another car? Two car lengths behind? Yeah. Two car lengths. That's how far it's going to travel? It does. I don't think so. We're just making it up then. Okay. We're making it up. We should take calls. I'll say the two car lengths behind you, which the law says you must be, and we'll see if it reaches me. It does. Okay, let's take a vote. It does. Let's take a vote. 570-1949. Is it okay?
Or not okay? To clean your windshield on the freeway. When you have a dirty car. Yeah, yeah. Not to be a D, because everybody agrees that's not the right thing to do. Your car didn't just become dirty, by the way. I'm telling you, you hit... Why else would somebody do it on the freeway? Because they noticed it. You hit different bends, because the freeway doesn't go just A to B, straight line. There's a reason you have that on your car. I'm just saying you use it when there's someone that's not right behind you. Just wait until there's no one there. Then use it. Are you a monster? If you clean your windshield on the freeway, yes or no? 570-194-9. When there's a car behind you. When there's a car. behind you. You're not a monster if there's not a car behind you. In Southern California, there's so many times when there's nobody behind you. There are times. You can move into a lane. Best of ten. Move into a lane that you can't see anything. Just pull over. Pull over to the gas station a little bit. Get to the nearest exit. I would get to a lane where there's not somebody directly behind you. I would not. I would clean. I do. I just clean. I didn't notice it was that bad. If it were bad enough that I can't see, I would clean. Mikey and I are just looking out for others. I'm going to spitball you today.
What's that mean? I'm going to get in front of you and I'm going to spit. You're going to hate it. I'm going to love it because I'm out of fluid. We'll take turns. I need it. We'll take turns. M1 Fava Beans. Are you there? Yes, this is M1 Fava Beans on Chianti. There you go. What do you think? Monster or not a monster? I would say Sienna's the monster. Okay, that's one. Forgiving the lady a dirty look. Oh, yeah, you've never done that. Perfect. But wait. So you feel it's okay to do your windshield wipers? Not everybody knows how their windshield wipers work in that regard, and it's not their fault. I would say it's the car manufacturer. He says not a monster. Not a monster. Not a monster. M1, Black Ryan from San Diego. Hello, boo. Hello. Hello, boo. What do you think? Monster or not a monster? Not a monster. Okay. That's two people. M1 Alana from Bay Park. Monster or not a monster? Alana? Wait, wait, wait. No, this is M1 Grace. Grace from North Park. You there, Grace? Yep. What do you think? Monster or not a monster? It's three, not a. Sienna, we're about to get outvoted. That's fine. M1 Alana from Bay Park. Monster or not a monster? Not a monster. That's one.
That's one for monster. M1 Owen from San Diego. Monster or not a monster? Complete monster. That's two. You guys are crawling back in. Yeah. Real good. We're just barely making it back into this argument. We're just looking out for others. Oh, boy. M1 Patch from San Diego. Not a monster. That's a La Jolla bit. No, Mikey's from Guam. Mikey's from Guam. They get real pissed off there, too. I don't understand. Just let me say this really quick. No, you can't sway the votes. I'm not swaying the votes. I'm just saying, why is it a bad thing to not want to spray the car behind me? It's an inconvenience to them. I'm not doing them a favor, so why are Mike and I looking bad for not wanting to spray them? If I can't see on the freeway, it's instinctual. I'm going to have to clean it off. That's fine. I'm saying that, but because Mikey and I are like, oh, there's a car right behind us. We're not going to do it. You guys are making us sound like we're bad. No, no, no. We said, are you a monster if you do that? M1. Oh, wait. They just hung up. M1, Josiah from Vista. Monster or not a monster? Monster. That's three. Thank you. Get it, Josiah. Yeah. M1, Curvy from Carlsbad. Monster or not a monster? Dead monster. Oh, tied up. Wow. Curvy. Last call. Last call.
This is the winner. M1, I don't know who this is. M1 Dave from OB. Monster or not a monster? Monster. I'm on a motorcycle. Yes! He's on a motorcycle. That's different. M1 John from Carlsbad. I say not a monster. Sienna, not all of us can afford to wash our Ferraris. I don't have a Ferrari. Dude, I don't have a Ferrari either, but nice try. I ride a motorcycle. Oh, then you don't count. Yeah, he does. No, he doesn't. We counted the last guy. It's 5-5. We're even. If we had counted the last guy, it would have been over. He did count the last guy. Oh, you did? 5-5. I counted the last guy. M1 Drucklin? Druckerman? Druckerman. Andrea Druckerman. Yeah, from San Diego. What do you think? Monster or not a monster? Absolutely a monster. Oh, wow. There you go. Mikey's controlling the board. You can see it. He can't read what they say. Yeah, he's not putting up there what they say. It's just their name. Just their name. Look, look, look. I want to be fair. I'm just kidding. Listen, I think you got to be considerate of the people around you. Sure you do. What are you going to do? Okay.
Here's my thing. If I've got my fake kids that don't exist, if I get my kids in the car and I'm worried that I can't see all of a sudden, there's like this film of dust on my car and I can't see, I'm not going to worry about changing lanes and getting to a safe spot. Isn't that a little dramatic? Yes. When does this happen? That's the only time I'm here. Isn't it dramatic to think that a tidal wave hits your car and you're like, oh my God, careful, water, it's water, it's water. That's not dramatic? That's not what we're saying. My biggest argument is not that they're spraying me and it's so mean. I'm just saying, look, if you can prevent it. If you can, but how often on the freeway can you? What's the issue? It gets on your car? It gets all over. It's muddy? Yeah. They're squirting muddy? Because now, like, what if I'm out of wiper fluid? Right, like me. Or what if, whatever. I got to now turn on, like, I had perfectly. Clear vision. I had a perfectly clear windshield. So it is about you then. But because you had a bad windshield, now I got a bad windshield. So now it's about you. I don't think anyone on the freeway is just like, this would be a good time. This would be an opportune time for me to just screw some people over. I'm telling you, I will not spray it if there's a car behind me because I don't want to mess them up. Plus there's the old adage, say it, not spray it. Fair enough.
I've never heard anything like this one. Yes, you have, too. We've still got good ones here. I have eight common dating lines that have been decoded by Ask Men Magazine. Ooh, nice. I gotta thank our sponsors for the, uh, FM 94.9 Big Bear Getaway because they've been so cool. Anarchy Sunglasses and Rockstar Energy Drink. Thank you to Northwoods Resorts for offering discounts to FM 94.9 listeners. And by the way, if you want to get in on that, you could enter a code. It's FM 94.9 SD online if you want to get in on that. You can come up for the weekend.
And you can also catch the grenade games going on this weekend at Bear Mountain. A special thank you to Adam, our promotions director, for getting everything together. He got it all together. Working hard. He got it all straightened out. He got it all dialed in. And so thank you to Adam and to everybody who made that thing possible. Jay and I are actually going to be there. Yeah. Come up there and join us. We're going to be at Chad's Saturday night. We'll be at Chad's doing it up real good. Have a good time, you guys. Thanks. Hey. L.A.B.'s got something going on this weekend. I do, yes. Well, today, most people probably wouldn't know this. I didn't even know this. But today is the sixth anniversary of World Down Syndrome Day. Yeah. And it's on March 21st, which is 321. And this date represents the three copies of the chromosome 21, which is, most people, you know, we only have 46 chromosomes. And for Down Syndrome people, they have 47. And their chromosome number 21, there's three copies of that. So that is... Anyway, that's what the date signifies. And this weekend, in honor of that, I'm going to be hosting an event at Vertical Hold in Miramar. It's a climbing event. And we're asking people to come on out to the event. There's going to be climbing there. There's going to be arts and crafts for the kids. There's going to be raffles. There's going to be all kinds of vendor booths there. There's going to be a wellness fair. And I'm going to put a link on my blog if you can help me. Any little bit of donation that you can give or if you can pass it on to people.
can donate. That would be great. And I'll put all that information up on my blog right now at Mikey show.com for sure. That's awesome. Uh, let's see. So Sienna. Yeah. Do you have, uh, the eight common dating lines decoded? Yes. And you tell me what you think this means. Can we decode them? Try to decode them. Okay. Yeah. They're pretty easy. We should huddle up. All right. We should probably. Okay. I'd love to stay out, but I have to get up really early tomorrow. This is what the woman is saying to the dude? Or a guy saying to the girl. You're on a date. If someone tells you this line, what does it really mean? They want to go home. No. I'd love to stay out, but I have to get up really early tomorrow. I don't like you. I don't like you, and I don't want anything to do with you, and I want as far away from you as I can get right now. I never want to see you again. I never want to see you again. This is the worst date I've ever been on. I'm sorry I even accepted. Yes, that's been decoded. That's correct. Yes. I've had such a good time with you. I want to be friends. Oh, Jay, that's good. That's really good. I think I've had such a good time with you means I've had such a good time with you. I'm with you there. If there is another answer, it's what Jay said. But I'm with you. I had such a really good time with you. I'm like, it's dope.
It means, wow, we actually had a fun and a good time with you. There you go. Honesty. Because you wouldn't say, if I had a bad time, I would never say, I had such a good time with you. You'd say a nice time. I'd be like, it was nice meeting you. Thanks for tonight. Thanks for the free meal, pal. Yeah. I'm really just not ready for a relationship. It means I'm not ready for a relationship with you. Yeah. Correct. I'm totally ready for a relationship. Because, in fact, I'm dying for a relationship. All I want right now is a relationship. Just not with you. With anyone. Anybody. Because if you were worth an S, I'd be all the way in right now. I'm not gay. I would take a relationship with somebody of my own sex before you. Yes. Wow. And I'm not even gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Not that there's anything wrong with that. That one has been decoded. I'd love to meet up, but I'm just really busy with work right now. I don't want to make time for you. Yeah, it means I don't really have work obligations. But I don't want to hang out with you. No matter what, if you have work obligations or not, you're going to make time if you're into that person. If you're in, you'll do whatever you have to do. Or you'll say the next available date you do have. That's what is so ridiculous to me about people that are in relationships. When somebody breaks up with them and says, I just don't have time right now. And we've all bought that. We've all heard it. And we've all been like, okay. We've all given it. We've all said it.
But no one in the history of mankind has ever meant that. Steve Jobs, maybe. Or like Barack Obama could go to his wife and be like, hey, listen, I'm slammed. I can't do this anymore. Okay? I'm slammed. But even Barack Obama and even Steve Jobs are like, I'm so into her. You're going to make time. You make it. But those are the only two guys that could feasibly say it. And they actually mean it. It could. Makes sense. Let me tell you, fellas, if she has said to you, I just am too busy right now, she's lying. Yes. Ladies, if a guy says to you, I've just got too much going on right now, he's lying. What she means is, there's a dude she really wants to hang out with. And if he says that, there's a chick he really wants to hang out with. Every time, without exception, don't be dumb. I disagree with that. Oh, I don't. There's been times where I'm like, I want to figure out what I want to do with my career. That stuff is ticking. And I'm like, I don't want to even try to date right now because I just want to figure out my ass first before I get into something with someone else. Well, okay, okay, okay. If you break up with someone. Does that mean you're too busy? If you break up with someone. That's different than starting something new. If somebody said to me, listen, I got to figure out my stuff. And right now.
Me dating you, it's not work. That's not happening. That means he's just not into you. And I can understand that. I mean, well, you just said that. I'm saying if you, like, I've met people before. There was times in my life where I was like, I just got out of a relationship. I need to, like, re-center myself here and figure out where I'm going, if I'm going to stay in California, if I'm going to do this job. Yeah. And so if I've met someone at a party and they're like, I'd really love to get together with you. And I say, like, look, I'm just not. dating right now i've meant it because i'm like i don't even want to i need it i don't have time to think that's not what we're talking about we're talking about being in a relationship you're in a relationship but this is a date is what sienna's list is i know but you know how i was saying if you're in a relationship if you're in one yes and somebody says listen i just don't have the time for this relationship liar they're lying Yes. They want to sleep with someone else. Unless he's a scientist and he's about three days away from curing cancer or AIDS. And in that case, he'll be like, but four days from now? Yeah, get ready. Get it on. We can get back. It's going to be big. Okay, so these are common dating lines that we are decoding. For our date, you want to meet for coffee. Oh, wow. I'm too cheap to get dinner, Joe. Yep. Friend zone.
If a girl's saying it, friend zone. She wants to be buddies. I think it's more of a test just to see if she wants to go farther with you. Jay's right. It's a test. Test. That's from a guy to a girl. It's either way. Whoever's suggesting the date, if you say you want to go get coffee, that means, okay, if coffee goes well, then we'll do dinner. But coffee can be a quick out. But let's not scare somebody with a dinner request. See, I'm a traditionalist, man. I go for the dinner. If I find a girl I want to date, that I look at her and go, I want to date you, it's dinner. We're going to do it up big. I don't do coffee. I don't want to chat with you. It's cheap. I feel instantly uncomfortable with coffee. Me too. I feel like if we go have coffee, it's small talk. And small talk's uncomfortable. Oh, that'd be fun. Do you know what we have to have? We have to have coffee talk. Coffee talk. How's your latte? What if you get your coffee to go? And then you take a little walk. That's okay. That's better. Walk the beach or something. I don't want to walk and sip. I don't want to walk and sip. I don't either. You don't want to walk. Don't lie to us. No, there might be snakes. It's true. It's true. That's very true. You don't want to walk. What does this dating line mean? I'm meeting my friends. You want to come? You're insecure. You're really insecure. What do you guys mean? You want their approval. Yep.
That's what it is. You want your friend's approval? Oh, yeah. Which makes you insecure. Yeah, great. That's exactly. I think you're trying not to intimidate the person and you're being like, okay, I don't want a one-on-one. I want to see if you're normal enough to go on a date with. So come around my friend. Wait a minute. You're saying you don't want to intimidate the person? yet they're going to be up against you and all your friends? Maybe intimidate is not the right word. You don't want to be too like, oh yeah, I'm into you this much that I want to go on a date with you. You're like, I'm still kind of testing the waters, so let's not do the date thing yet. What's the answer, Sienna? It means I really like you and I want to know if you get along with my friends. Approval. Boy, that's a tough one too, meeting all the friends. You're on the unicycle, you've got six balls in your hand, you're juggling up for all of them, buying everybody drinks. Hello, my baby! Never mind. Why don't you come over and I'll cook for you. What does that mean? In. Oh. Yeah, I think you want to. We're going to have intercourse tonight. I want to. Or Wolf French, at least you're going to get to second, maybe third base. I'm trying to make a scenario where intercourse will happen. Yeah. Dynamite. I will give you wine with dinner and then make it to a point where I'll say, don't.
You shouldn't drive. Just stay here. If you want, I'll sleep on the couch. Such a good bit. If you want, I'll sleep on the couch. It means ready to see whether or not they want to take things to the next level. I will tell you an embarrassing story. I will tell you an embarrassing story. Lauren takes great pleasure. Right after this. Something that I did. Oh, it's... Every part of it. Every part of it. You've never heard it, too. I can't wait. I don't think anybody that's ever heard it. Perfect. I can't wait. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, Bright Eyes. Hear it. The People's Key. It's a story about not picking up on signals. That's what the story is. I had been cheated on. Okay? I had been cheated on.
I was heartbroken. And I needed to get out of San Diego. Went and visited a friend in Bakersfield. I wanted the drive. I wanted to get away. I wanted to be gone. He put me in his spare bedroom. And in his spare bedroom, on the ceiling of his spare bedroom, were these glow-in-the-dark, stick-on stars. Yeah. I know them well. They comforted me. Look, it's all I have to give you is just the truth. It's all I can give you. We appreciate that, Mike. They comforted me. So I resigned to the fact that when I returned to San Diego, I was going to get some of these stickers and I was going to stick them on my ceiling. Are you on drugs? How old was I? Yes, Mike.
I was 27, Steve. Okay. All right? Who's Steve? Why don't you just let me, I'll be honest here, without your ridicule. I'm not ridiculing. Yes, you are, sir. How dare you say that you're not. Wrong, sir. Wrong. Did you have bedspread with little clouds on it, too? Race car. All right. Next. Go ahead. No. Pulling back into my shell. No. Come on. Let's hear it. So you wanted the stars. Did you get the stars? You scared me. You scared me back into my hole. Did you get the stars? Yes. You got them for your place. You put them up. Yeah. Okay. Now, there was a girl that I worked with, and she was a foxy lady. And I told her about it. I told her. And she thought it was sweet. Now, this was during a time in my life where I was thin. Like, I was thin for about five minutes. It was one year, one to two years where I was thin. And she said, you want me to help you put them up? And I said, yeah. I thought that was cool. Because she could reach. That was good. That was cool. Wow. Holy cow. It's killing me. It's killing me. Oh, my God. Wow.
Oh, man. I thought that was cold. Oh, yeah. And you know what he does when he's done? He licks the blood right off the nose. A little giggle. So I said, okay, okay. So she comes over. And while she's over, now you can almost go down the road and go, was that an indication? Yes. Was that an indication? Was that an indication? Wow. She, we're putting these things up. And she goes, We should get some beer. Yeah. And I go, okay. So we went and we got some beer. And she goes, man, I've had a lot to drink. Wiener time. That was Jay playing that. Jay played that. Oh, gosh. And I said, genuinely, do you think that you've had too much to drive? And she goes, yeah, I think so, probably.
Leave it to beaver. Is that what you guys are watching on TV? Clearly. So I said, well, do you want to stay? And she said, yeah. Five for five. You know what I did? What? You're going to make me mad. I slept on the couch. Oh. Mikey. You're a sweet kid. You're a sweet kid. She must have thought, he's gay? He's gay. But she knew I wasn't because she knew that I was all heartbroken over the thing. She thought you were closeted, maybe. She thought you were still into the other chick and you were kind of like a sissy, a wussy, a wuss. I was still into the other chick and I was a wuss. Yeah, that's what it was. How awkward was it at the end of the night when you're like, all right, here you go, here's some jammies.
I always wanted to say to her later, there was absolutely nothing wrong with you. I was just a Sally. She tried. She was trying to slay you. She was trying to slay you. She was making it as easy as absolutely possible. I lived at La Mirage at a nice place. It was the best I'd ever looked. I smelled nice. The only thing she could have done differently has been like, God, you sure keep your apartment hot. I better take some of these clothes off. Mike, I'm really glad you never told her that there was nothing wrong with you. That would have been even more of a day. She would have been like, that means there's something wrong with you. You ever miss opportunities real good? I guarantee she was laying in your bag going, I wish I was just home. I don't want to sleep here. I wish I do. Should I wait? I guess I'll just look at the stars. Would it be weird if I left? Would it be weird? Walk out to your couch. Is that Jupiter up there? She was laying there like, I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot. She was looking up at the solar system. Yeah, the solar system. Cassiopeia. Stupid little sticker stars. She's like, first of all, this dork.
I love you, dude. I really do. I love you so much, dude. It's so awesome. It's sweet until you're the rejected girl laying in sticker star bedrooms. Just laying there going, I couldn't get him to come in here and slay me. He's on the couch. Do you know what she slept in? She asked me if I had a pair of boxers. I mean, dude, she did all the work for you. She's in the boxers. You're good to go. Wow. Good to go. You know what I do remember thinking to myself? I remember thinking to myself, I bet she thinks I'm really a gentleman. She thought you were a Sally. Gentleman code for homosexual. She didn't want you to be a gentleman. She definitely thought you were a Sally. By gentleman, I mean completely gay. Yes. Homosexual. It's okay. It's okay. I would say that we've all done it, but we haven't. Oh, that's what I was going to ask. Some of us have taken advantage of situations that we probably shouldn't have. Yeah. Yeah. Had a couple arm gnaws in college. You know that. I was. Wow. Yeah. That means you'd rather gnaw your arm off than to have to wake her up. Yeah. You had to gnaw your arm off so you could get out of there real quick.
They sound like a grizzly bear as they sleep. They wake up. They look like they were the same size as grizzly bears. All the club makeup wears off. You're like, whoa. We've all been there. Club makeup slash alcohol. Yeah, slash ecstasy. Oh, wow. That kind of went, wow. This is a harsh joke. Is that right? We were just talking about beer goggles. That wasn't me. I think you were named him. Oh, the ecstasy. Like a trick. Fine. Here we go. Hard drugs and purple pills. Yeah, you know, you're just doing heroin on that. Just talk about a couple beers. Just take off that tourniquet. You guys know, like, when you're warming a spoon up with a ladder? You know when you have to hide your track marks? Yeah. It's kind of like that. Oh, get it. Hi, Hillary. Hi, guys. Hello, Hill. How are you? She always walks in at the weirdest times. Poor Hillary. I'm so sorry. You always walk in when we're saying something weird. Fun. I never know. We call it every day. Every day. Yeah, every minute. How are you? How was your weekend? It was good. Had a grandma and grandpa in town from Phoenix. So we kind of, you know, did the tourist bit a little bit. Yeah.
It was rainy and windy, though. Not until Sunday. Jay used to date your grandmother. Is that right? Baby shower. Baby shower. Yeah. Cutest little thing. That's right. Jay was retired looking for another job. Yeah. In between kind of thing. That's right. So what do you got coming up, Hillary? I grabbed the Pixies and Metric and Queens of the Stone Age. Brand new Foo Fighters. Brand new Arcade Fire. Cold War Kids. That's good. Yeah, good stuff. Lovely and talented Hillary's up next, and we'll come back tomorrow at 6 and do this again. The Mikey Show's out. Late.