The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 03/25/11
Friday, March 25, 2011
musicdictionary wordsfart machinemedical anomalymovie triviaportrait artbobcat survivalpersonal abuse storyroller derbysportsUFC/MMAvoicemail
The show opened with Mikey’s enthusiastic endorsement of the Rebecca Black hit 'Friday' (P0). Later, the crew celebrated the dictionary entry for 'muffin top,' showing Mikey’s photo beside the definition (P12), and ran a recurring joke about Johnny Depp’s remote‑controlled fart machine recounted by Penelope Cruz (P16‑P19). They also played Movie Plot Hot Potato, during which Woods was accidentally shot in the knee with an airsoft gun (P65‑P67), and featured Jared’s custom portrait of the show and Garrett Foster’s bobcat‑survival story (P84‑P85). The episode closed with Sienna’s heartfelt testimony of childhood abuse, addiction and redemption through faith (P131).
What happened, in order
Friday Song Love
Mikey declares his love for the Rebecca Black song 'Friday,' singing it in his head and comparing it to candy‑flavored poison.
Muffin Top Dictionary
The show reveals that 'muffin top' has been added to the dictionary and features a photo of Mikey shirtless holding a Cinnabon next to the definition.
Johnny Depp Fart Machine
Penelope Cruz tells the story of Johnny Depp’s remote‑controlled fart machine, describing how he fooled her and others during the filming of Blow.
55‑Year Anus‑Less Man
A news item about a Chinese man named Wu who lived 55 years without an anus due to an imperforate anus condition is discussed.
Movie Plot Hot Potato Start
The hosts launch the Movie Plot Hot Potato game, describing films like Alice in Wonderland and Shawshank Redemption while passing a hot potato.
Jared Portrait Print
Artist Jared presents an oil‑painting‑style portrait of the Mikey Show crew, turning a studio photo into a work of art.
Garrett Foster Bobcat Tale
Garrett Foster recounts being attacked by a bobcat, saving lives, and showing the claw mark as proof.
Sienna’s Abuse and Recovery
Sienna shares her personal story of childhood sexual abuse, ensuing addiction and low self‑esteem, and how faith in Jesus Christ helped her recover.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLauren O'BrienSiennaJayChrisRebeccaJamieLukeyBurrJasperFinanIsabel RingerSlammeri
29,452 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Welcome to the Mikey Show. It's Friday, and as they come in, they will make noise. They're a live studio audience. I love it. Welcome to the program. Yesterday, I said on Facebook that this Rebecca Black song, Friday, is... It's kind of like drinking candy-flavored poison. Exactly right. A lot of guys in here today. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. Great. Wow. Why do I like the sound of this? I love it so much. I love it so much. I sing it in my head all the time. I'm like. I do, too. We were driving. It's become known as one of the most annoying songs ever. I love it. Yet, I'm driving home yesterday with my wife, and I'm like, Friday, Friday. Can't get enough. I like to put anything to the tune of it.
I'll be like, driving, driving. Everybody knows I'm driving. Cooking, cooking. Napping, napping. I may have said yesterday to my son, Lukey, Lukey. Jesus. Surfing, skating, climbing, making love. Me and Burr. Yeah, Jay's is perfect, perfect. And then safe all the time. Biceps, triceps, calves, abs. Washboard, washboard. Maybe I got a washboard. Six-pack, eight-pack. Jasper, Jasper, Finan. That's our boy Jay. That's right. Well, welcome to the program, everybody. I am Mikey. I'm the host of the show. And I am 40 years of age. Woodsy is our sports guy. He's 35. And he's got the backwards baseball cap on right now. And I like that. That's like an army kind of... It's my Lieutenant Dan jacket. Is it? Yeah. I was thinking like taxi drivers. I prefer...
The legless Lieutenant Dan. Oh, okay. To the psychotic Travis Bickle. Bickle. Yes. Travis Bickle. Exactly. Let's see. So Woodsy's our sports guy. He is 35. Lauren O'Brien is the blonde to my right who is using ovation. And it's working. It's working. It's working. Gosh. It's really working. Her hair's like all full and poofy. Oh, yeah. That's right. That's weird. Isn't that weird when Jay says that too? It is strange. Just say she has nice hair. Oh, you have nice hair. Oh, gosh. I just said what you told me to say. Just to wipe a film off me. I feel like you need a shower. Like you got to spray Tylex on yourself. Yeah, shower. Gargle with Tylex. Maybe if Tommy were here, he would go, yeah, maybe just say she's cute. You leave it at that. You say a lot of things. You say a lot of things. You said it. It's all right. Just leave it at that. Sienna is our news girl, and she's 25 years of age. She's got the black scarf. You're going to be 26 soon. It's hitting me. It's hitting you? I'm old. You're saying to a 40-year-old man, it's hitting you. It is, though. I feel different. It'll be different. It's great. I do believe there was a difference between 25 and 26. There is. I'm telling you. There is. About a year.
You're so funny. Are you a dad, Jay? A four? There is. They say that habits are usually set by 25. So if you have a habit and you get to 25 by 25, in general, it's just a generalization, they say that that habit is set. For instance, I was messy. I had a messy room, all that kind of stuff. And I went through that period. Went over 25 years old. I probably could have corrected it. Probably. Could have corrected it before 25. But if you stick with that to 25, that habit's usually set. Next time I'm late, I'm going to be like, Mike, I'm over 25. I know it. I can't help it. That's a good example, though. It's sort of a habit. It becomes a habit. Bad habit. Jay is our 47-year-old producer. And he is the most elder of the Mikey Show members. He's a wise old six. A wise old six. And there he is. But he looks younger. Yesterday, we walked by. My wife and I were at the mall yesterday. And we walked by Abercrombie and Fitch. And I go, maybe me and Woods go in there and just try to bust on some T-shirts. I couldn't even imagine. And she laughed. She goes, that's a pretty funny visual. And she goes, who can fit in Abercrombie and Fitch stuff anyway? I go, Jay. Yeah.
I go, Jay can fit. Jay could go into Abercrombie & Fitch and he could buy a t-shirt and it would fit him. Don't you mean Abercrombie? Yeah, Abercrombie & Fitch. Abercrombie & Fitch. I just bought Abercrombie & Fitch. Abercrombie & Fitch. I just bought a t-shirt from them. Well, I found it, but I wouldn't buy it. Maybe this summer Jay can be one of their shirtless models that stands outside. Spray clothes. I need to get some hair removal first. Okay. I was trying to give you a call. That was weird. That was great. Our phone screener is Chris. It's Chris. And you can call right now, 570-1949. An M1 is a Mikey Show listener. You are crazy about the Mikey Show if you're an M1 listener. If you're an M1, you deliberately try to shrink yourself just so you can be small, like me. And you're like, yeah, I just want to be an M1. I'm rabid. I want to be short. If you're an M1, you deliberately do not chew tobacco because you want to be different than Woods because he chews tobacco. No. That's going against what we were originally doing. What we were trying to do with that. If you are an M1, you will...
start to eat wheat by the bushels just in honor of LLB. There you go. Correct. Yeah. How about that? You'll use ovation because it works and LLB uses it. That's true. That is true. You enroll at San Diego State just so you can sort of be like Sienna when she went there. Be one of her fellow alma mothers. Yes. Alumni. Alumni. That's the word I was going for. Easy, Jay. And M1 loves big boobies. He doesn't get it. Oh, wow. He doesn't get it. And M1 doesn't like big movies? That's just... I mean, they might. It should have been M1, pal. I don't know. He gets the spirit of the whole thing. But not all of us. Not all of us, necessarily. Hey, we're going to do, at 8 o'clock, we're going to play Let's. And we've done Let's Fencing, Let's Box, we've done Let's Throw Knives. Today, let's skate. Oh, boy. Woo! This is going to be fantastic. Now, I will not skate. But here's who will skate. First of all, derby dolls are coming in, right? Yes. Derby dolls do roller derby. And, you know, they're rough. This is going to get violent. They're rough and tumble. And they're cute. Well, you're playing, right? So, yes, it's going to get violent. I may have pushed Woods against the wall during one run. I may have broken the wall. Hey, hey. Oh, yeah. It may have had to be repaired by the Booz Allen Hamilton maintenance staff.
That doesn't mean that we did it. I may have to do it. It may. Yeah. It may have. All good fun. You ever throw a 300-pound guy into a wall? You're not. Made of balsa wood? 300 pounds. Balsa wood? Isn't he? Aren't I? He's a small dude. I'm getting there. So anyway, Woods, Sienna, Jay, and Lauren are going to roller skate around the inside of this building in the hallways and race each other. Last time I was on roller skates, maybe like seven years old. Really? I'm just saying. Wow. Sienna, question. Is it like a bike? Is it like a bike? I don't know. I hope so. Yeah, it is. It is? Yeah, she might not be doing everything right away, but if you just mess around on him for a little bit, you'll be fine. Are you guys telling me that you've been roller skating recently? I went about three, four years ago. Question. So did you guys get roller skates provided for all of you? Yeah. Yes, sir. Because Jay brought his own. He brought roller blades. Yep. Inline skates. Inline skates, my. Are y'all, are you, Woods, Sienna, and Lauren, are you guys on four skates? They're on four wheels. Four wheels. Oh, really? Derby dolls are hooking you guys up. We had to go get Woods. Yeah, they're roller skates, not roller blades. Oh, wow. Look at those. These are also known as the woman repeller. If you want to wear these, if you're a dude. Woods' are all black.
So the girls have roller skates, and you're all going to race. Yeah. It's going to be great. You know what we should do when we do the Let's Skate? We will allow people to pick a horse. Oh, boy. Can we play a Journey song and skate? Do a couple skate? Do some backwards skating? What do they listen to in Monster? Okay, so, wait, wait, wait. Journey. In Monster. That's exactly what I was envisioning. It wasn't. It was open arms. In the movie Monster. They listen to open arms. Are you really throwing it? I thought it was just a small town girl. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Where's my little deal? Christina Ricci. Funniest thing I've ever heard, Sienna. It was lying beside you. I don't know. I'm looking. You, sir, are wrong. Yeah, I think you are. You say it's faithfully? Yes. One dollar. Let's bet one dollar. Let's shake on it like gentlemen. All right. One dollar. I think it's open arms. You think it's faithfully? Yes. And we know because of the day and age in we live.
We can type it into Google and it will tell you. Oh, yeah. Well, it's a couple of attractive broads skating to a Journey song. I believe it was Open Arms. It was Open Arms. Don't Stop Believing. No, they're both wrong. It was not Don't Stop Believing. Well, I didn't say the words. It was a slow song. I sang it. It was a slow song. Either way, we should reenact it. If it says Don't Stop Believing, it wasn't. Agreed. And I will tell you this. I'm not watching Monster again. to find out. I will. Do you want to know why I remember? Because it was just a small town girl and it was kind of like referring to Christina Ricci. Really? Was it really? Yes. It was Don't Stop Believin'. Nothing small about that girl. It was the most disgusting movie. Oh, yeah. It's repulsive. It was repulsive. But she's bathing in that bathroom. That public restroom. Mikey's cleaning his armpits and throwing his hair back. The brown paper towels. She gets wet. And doesn't she use like the powdered soap? No, dude. I'm even kind of lesbian. All right. All right. We'll be on roller skates like they were. The word of the day is Bobcat. All right. When you hear me use the word Bobcat between now and 10.
Then you need to be caller number nine. And we got two cool prizes for you today. First of all, the sweatshirt that we've been offering the last few days, the rusty sweatshirt. It's got a little set of earphones in it so that you can directly plug this sweatshirt into your MP3 player. And also, four-packet tickets to the Fred Hall Ultimate Outdoor Experience, which everybody wants to go to. Yeah, I'm going. Yeah, I want to go, too. Going on. And it's through the 27th. So Sunday. It goes through Sunday. And everybody wants to go see Dagger. Jack Dagger. Jack Dagger. Do the knives in here the other day. So it's pretty cool. It was awesome. It was handsome. It was. The guy was legitimately, he was in People Magazine. Yeah. Sexiest People live. He's got a nice smile. Yeah. So Hash House of Go-Go bringing food. Yeah. Yeah. Ash House of Go-Go was the winner and voted the winner by M1s to be the official breakfast place of M1 Nation. So it's pretty cool. They were correct. It's sad. The Aztecs lost last night and went from the Sweet 16 to out of the tournament and will not be going to the Elite Eight. Yeah, if you didn't hear it, this was the end. Connecticut is elite once again.
For the 10th time in school history, the 9th time under Jim Calhoun, the Connecticut Huskies are heading to the Elite Eight with a 74-67 victory over San Diego State. They had a legitimate shot, and I'm really not the kind of guy. I try to teach my kids when I coach, don't complain about the umps because there's nothing you can do. They're going to make the call that they make, and that's it. You're Little Leaguers. Yeah, but these guys got hosed. They got hosed. I wasn't. You're making a joke. Woods. But no, I try to tell you. I wasn't making a joke. I wanted people to know because you said you coach. And for a second, I was like, oh, he doesn't coach college basketball. I do, but. You don't. You don't. I don't. You don't. Oh. And so I wanted everyone to know. That it is that Woodsy is a little league coach. Yeah, but the reason I mention that is because I try to tell my kids and myself, even though I don't practice it, that you can't control what the umps and the officials are going to do. So you never want to say, well, a bad call cost us the game. We're trailing by one point, and Kemba Walker freaking travels. I mean, he traveled. There's no question he traveled. They didn't call it. He pops it out. Guy drains a three. Pretty much game over. And I'm sitting there, and I was listening to him on the radio.
Ran home. I had it on tape. I watched it, I don't know, 50 times. I'm like, how's that not a travel? That's a freaking travel. Like, I lost my mind. And then they just went on a little bit of a run there. But, man, you know, tip your cap to the Aztecs. They had an absolutely great year. And, you know, they have something to build on for next year. And this is a young team, too. But Kemba Walker for UConn is a beast. 36 points last night. 36 out of 74 points he scored for his team. Yeah. He's great, man. Oh, he's so solid. But I'll tell you what. It was the same stuff that you get when you watch Charger games or any other game. I was watching, and they were ahead. The Aztecs were ahead. And I remember the thought going through my head, like, this may happen. Yeah, this may happen. I know. It went through my head. What bothered me the most is the announcer was so clearly for UConn. I can't stand when announcers are like that. I'm like, oh! Be fair. Yeah. That hurt. I was out at a bar weird watching it. I just watched everyone's face within a split second when that last foul shot was made by UConn. They were just like. Well, it's another thing, the Aztecs. I mean, they had a chance at the end. They were missing free throws. Yeah. You cannot miss free throws. I saw that. I mean, they're missing free throws. I saw it in the beginning of the game. At the end when it really is important.
I'm like, please make vote. I know. Well, well. It's a bummer. They did good. They did. They had a great run. A great run. And to make it to the Sweet 16 for the first time ever, now they have a new goal. Next year is make it to the Elite Eight. Sienna, tell us about the new word that's been added to the dictionary. And what dictionary? Is it Webster's Dictionary? Well, there's been a few words added to the Oxford English Dictionary. But the one that I thought Mikey would especially love is... Muffin top. Oh, wow. My picture is actually in this dictionary next to the definition of muffin top. Well, I'm in it. To be fair, I'm holding your hand in that picture. And we're in front of a Cinnabon. Shirtless. We're shirtless. And we're holding a Cinnabon. And it's a photograph of us with the muffin top. Tight red pants on. Yeah.
No, genes. Dude, genes. Some other ones were TMI, too much information. TMI is in the dictionary? BFF. OED, which means online along with other people. No, that's... Yeah, that don't make sense. Maybe that dictionary got it wrong. No. Online with other popular terms. I-M-H... I don't know. Oh, I get it. Sorry. Oh, wow. They're listing it, but not in the right order. IMHO, in my humble opinion, is on there. TMI, like I said, BFF, LOL, OMG. Wait, wait, wait. I am fine with putting these things, but not... if I haven't heard of them. Yeah. Like I'm Ho? I don't know I'm Ho. I know it, but it's rarely used. If somebody wrote me an email and put IMHO, I'd do that thing we have all done when we get an acronym we haven't seen before and we're like trying to figure it out in our head. We're like, what does that mean? And we come up with all the wrong things. We're like, you know, we'll say to ourselves, tacos.
Are hot in the summer? No, that's not it. Sorry. Go ahead. Have you heard of WAG? W-A-G? No. Wait. I want to see. I haven't, but I want to see. WAG. You're never going to get it. What also goes. What also goes. Wieners are good. That's it. No. Wives and girlfriends. Like WAG allowed. Yeah. It says that. Wag is used mainly by media to describe partners of sportsmen. What? I've never heard that in my life. Wow. Never heard it. What threw me off earlier as I said OED is because they abbreviated Oxford English Dictionary. And I was like, that can't be it. So I was like, OED, what? I wonder if I could get git in there. Yeah. It'd be great. How do you do it? I don't know. Git? OMG. We all know that. Yeah. We all know. We all know. LOL. LOL. T-M-I. A-O. Yeah. L-M-A-O. R-O-F-L is one I got from a buddy in Texas the other night. And I go, really? With the raffle? Who wrote raffle? My friend Brian Fytel wrote raffle. I wrote a quote from Dumb and Dumber and he wrote back raffle. And I went, God, really? He's like a 38-year-old man.
I really doubt he was actually rolling on the floor. No kidding. Laughing. Raffle. It really bums me out that I can't tell somebody that I'm genuinely laughing out loud. You can. You can. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That's it. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You can tell me LOL. I do. I think you can tell girls. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha now. You've been shamed into the ha, ha, ha. I got you on that one. Yeah, you did. And my wife now, too. Both of us used to put LOL, and there was nothing wrong with it. Yeah, there's plenty wrong. There's a lot. You don't have a Hello Kitty backpack. I'm going back to it. I'm going back to it. Don't go back to it. It's easier. Every once in a while, I'll do the LOL if I am laughing out loud. You know when I'll do LOL? When I'm genuinely laughing out loud. Is that okay? And I'll write to someone, I really LOL'd on that one. That's okay. To let them know that I don't generally just throw that term out there. That takes a long time to write all that out. Yeah. G-I-T. How about this one? some guys were busted in San Diego. Did we talk about it the other day? No, we never got to it. We had it as a news story. These guys that were busted for dressing up like Marines, but they were actually illegal aliens. Yes, they were pulled over in a van with an altered, stolen U.S. government license plate, and apparently the U.S. Border Patrol agent that went up to the van was a former Marine, and he immediately knew that something was wrong, so he asked these guys in the costume to give them a...
the hoorah cheer. Right. And only one of them did it and the rest of them were like silent and looking down and that's how he knew. Wow. I mean, obviously something's wrong because any Marine knows that. Yeah. That's hysterical. I know. The one guy that did it was like, come on! Come on! Idiot! You guys know this. Let's do it. Come on! We practice! We guilty, man. You got us. You got us. Johnny Depp owns something that is remote controlled that every guy would want and not one woman would want. What is it? We will tell you. Coming up. Let's make some noise. Let's make some noise. So we'll tell you this in just a second. Johnny Depp, he owns something remote control that every guy would want. Probably no girl would ever want. And at 8 o'clock we're going to play a game called Let's. And today it's Let's Skate. It's going to be Woods on roller skates. And L.O.B. on roller skates. And Sienna on roller skates. And J. on roller blades. Because he owns his own. Of course.
Of course. When's the last time you rode those rollerblades? They've been in the garage for a while. I stopped playing hockey a few years ago. So it was for hockey? Yeah. It was not for cut-off jean shorts down at Mission Beach on the boardwalk? Just a thong. I just like the thong and just go. Did you practice yesterday? Nope, did not. He did not. Word of the day is Bobcat. When you hear me say Bobcat between 9 and 10, then you need to be calling 9 to win fabulous prizes. So, yeah, Johnny Depp was on Jimmy Kimmel Live, and he was talking about – well, wait a minute. It actually wasn't Johnny Depp that was talking about it. It was Penelope Cruz telling the story about Johnny Depp. You've got this Pirates of the Caribbean sequel with Johnny Depp, who you worked with before on the movie Blow. Yes. Which is a different type of thing. Yeah, we worked together 10 years ago. And he's so funny. I don't – I guess people know how funny he is. He has one of the greatest sense of humor, and he's really clever, really smart, but kind, generous. I only have great things to say about him. Wow, really? He does own a... It's kind of disappointing, really.
Is there anything you didn't like about him? I guess everybody knows that he owns a fart machine, right? No, no, no. So when I met him 10 years ago, he had a plastic one. And now, 10 years later, he has one with a remote control. And he does it to, not to me, he fooled me once when we were doing blow. But he fooled me twice then now. Shame on him. Right. Shame on him. And you fooled again. Yeah, you don't, it was, I believe it was. the great artist who said, I won't be fooled again. She should say when we're filming Blow. Instead of when we were doing Blow. Wow. You need to make the distinction. You need to just specify that. We were doing Blow together for days and days and days. For the fourth night we did Blow. A very dramatic close-up and he kept making that sound with the machine saying, who is it? Is it the sound guy? It's like a boop. Poop, poop sound. Right. It sounded like... He would go, poop, there it is. Poop, there it is. Oh, there's Johnny. And I was thinking, I hope they're not thinking it's me. And Johnny was there with a straight face.
And now he was doing it to Jerry Brakeimer and to Rob Marshall. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I don't think he was saying to Rob, I don't think I'm going to be able to keep shooting. I'm really sick, Rob. The whole day. I am going to do something, and I know that no one that would be affected by it is listening right now because it's too early. There you go. There it was. I am going to get, I'm going to get one of those. Get one. You have to. Now, the other day. Oh, that's going to get me all day. The other day I walked into a manager's meeting and I had to tell Garrett. Garrett. Garrett. Garrett. That I had to talk to him. And there was a lot of managers in there. I'm going to get one of those remote control fart machines.
and I'm going to put it in our general manager's, right behind our general manager. Oh, that would be awesome. Because I don't think he'll fire me. He won't fire me, but he will be embarrassed. He might scold you. He'll probably scold me a little bit, but it'll be a funny scold. Will you be in the room? No, I'll be outside. Outside, we have to get audio. Yes. We tape a recorder under it with the fart machine next to it. Yes. Done deal. And we hear, you know, this month and, you know, the trends are doing this. When we go into the next commercial break, Sienna, would you look online and find me a good one? Yes. Because it can't fail. It's got to be, you know. It's got to be ready to go. It's got to be ready to go. I don't want to hit that button and nothing happens. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. I want Mikey walking out of that bathroom with just a blah, blah, blah in his hands. Piece of his hands. Yeah. So it's got to work. We'll make sure of it. In looking at the recaps from yesterday of what everybody was up to, one thing that caught my eye was the fact that Woods bought snow chains. Yes. Woods and Jay are headed up to...
Big Bear this weekend. Yeah. And I wanted Woods to go with Jay. Ride along. Actually ride along. He won't let me. I asked him for a ride for my wife, Jamie, and I. And he said, nah, can't do it. Ain't gonna happen. Well, I'm taking my kids. Right. And Woods goes, you do too much with them. Oh, my God. What about me? Yeah. Maybe you leave him home one weekend. Yeah. Haven't you spent enough time with him? Yeah. What about me? When do we get to hang out? Okay. If you bring gas money, then you can go. Well, what he's going to do is follow Jay. Yeah. And so they had to get changed. Oh, he's going to be in trouble. Now, Woods, did you think to yourself, oh, this will be good because it'll be like a chance to get away. My wife and I will have a weekend to impress. That kind of deal? Yeah. You know, we've had a rough year so far. And we're like. We're moving next weekend, so it's a really good opportunity for us to get out of town and spend some time together. She's been working like crazy. I've been working and sleeping and eating. I'm doing the Little League thing, too. It takes up so much time, so this is our weekend to get away. I think that's wonderful. If you had asked me... Don't do it, Mike. I suggested Catalina, but... He's going to discourage you and tell you it's a nightmare. Oh, it's not going to be. I love to ski. I've been skiing since 10. It's not going to be a nightmare.
what they call a living nightmare, which means it's like a nightmare, but you're actually living it. You know, it's actually, it's happening around you. Now, once you get there, it's fine. I mean, it's actually, it's wonderful. You're inside in the heat. You want to choose a different word besides wonderful? Maybe wonderful is an older word. You're 40 years old. It's okay. Isn't it okay? I'm 40. Yeah, you're 40. I'm 40 now. Sure. Okay, continue. It'll be nice, okay? It'll be cool, brah. Don't say that either. Shaka. But when you're driving on a road that twists and turns and that road has got ice on it and then over the ice is a nice layer of snow. Yeah. And then you stop to put the chains on. Yeah. Now that is a blasphemy pass. That's a good time. It's easy. Do you think I'll actually be doing that?
Because that's kind of why I'm following Jay. So you're going to have Jay? Yeah. I'll tell you what. I will assist you. I'll pay you. Just do it. There's only one way for you to learn, just like loading audio. You've got to learn, all right? It's like loading audio. You've got to learn sometime, buddy. Then when you go back up on your own, you'll be a big boy all grows up. I'm telling you. It's time to learn. I thought to myself, when we did this, when Rebecca and I did this, I thought to myself, put the chains on. I can manage. I'm an adult man. Yeah. I'm an adult man. Almost had to wear a diaper. Nobody showed you the right way to do it. I wanted to poop. I was so scared, I wanted to poop. Did you get mad? Hurt, sad, and fearful. Were you hurt, sad, and fearful? Yeah, because you are, I can't, you know, the road is difficult to, you're going, first of all, you're going approximately four miles an hour, okay? And it's scary. It's frightening. And then at some point, I'm going to ask you when you come back, I'm going to say at some point that you'd say to yourself, I shouldn't have done this. And I want to see what you'll say. Okay. And I'll be honest, too. Yeah. I'd ride on the roof. Of Jay's car. Jay's truck. I'd ride on the roof. Chances you'll scream, God bless, and kick one of your tires.
I won't because I'll have Jay with me. Jay will be like, hey, come here. I'll show you how to do it real quick. I'll show you how to do it in five minutes. Have you ever followed Jay before? Yeah, he drives 1,000 miles an hour. You can't follow him. It's impossible. He literally drives 1,000. He swerves and he's very – he forgets you're behind himself. He's old. He forgets. There's a yellow light and he races through the light. I think of it as a race and I'm winning. Yeah, I've had to lock up my brakes at a stoplight before because Jay blazed through the yellow. I've been like – Me too. And he's gone to the restaurant. And I'm like, I'm following you, you dean. Yeah. I'm winning. I left a message one time from Mikey that I was lost. I was like, apparently Memento forgot that I was following. Maybe know where you're going. We were relying on you. Maybe have a friend. So yesterday, Rebecca and I. Had to go to the mall to go shopping. And I needed to get... Tommy Bahama stuff. Yeah. Shirts, pants, hats, socks, shoes. No. Coconuts. Straw hat. Straw hat. No, I don't wear Tommy Bahama. Blueberry earrings? I don't wear Tommy Bahama. New shark tooth necklace.
Yes, because the old one was worn out. Worn to nubs. Worn to nubs. Looking like a child's tooth. A child's incisor. Tiki mask? Oh, boy. Travel tattoo. We went to Nordstrom, and Rebecca wanted me to buy a pair of flip-flops. Nice. Okay, so the guy that's helping me... is an M1. Cool guy. Nice. He goes, what are you looking for? I said, something cool, but comfortable. Really comfortable. He's like, alright, I got something for you. So Rebecca comes walking up and she goes, oh, and I showed him a pair too. And so I'm waiting for the pair that he's going to bring. And I said, what are they? And she goes, they're Tommy Bahama. Yes! Now, when she said it,
When she said it. Of course they are. When she said it, it didn't even cross her mind. Like the joke. Because you love Tommy Bahama. Because that's all you usually wear. So she's like just being safe, you know. Knowing you love the sandals. She's like, I have something from your favorite line. Look at this. So I look at her and I go, really? And then she gets it and she goes, really? And I go. Yeah, babe. And she goes, nobody's going to know that that's what they are. It doesn't say it on there. And I go, I'll know. We'll know. I go, and then... I actually wear Tommy Bahama at that point. Yeah. You have more than one thing. Allegedly one thing. You're wearing Tommy Bahama now. Stop. Yeah. That's Tommy Bahama gentlemen's collection. Don't act like you don't wear it. You have a Tommy Bahama tattoo right now on your forearm. I don't. There's a parrot on your shoulder. You have a parrot on your shoulder. I don't. Yes, you do. And so the guy brings them out and I put them on and they were really comfortable.
And I said, absolutely not. Really? Yeah. She goes, why? I go, babe, out of principle, I am not going to purchase these Tommy Bahama. I want to know what they look like. Brown. What do you think they look like? Brown and leather. Isn't everything brown and leather? Don't wear leather football. Why? Oh, boy. I wear rainbows. Leather flip-flops. Those are different. I mean, it's like Nalgahide. You know what I mean? But like fancy flip-flops? No, they're not. That's what I envisioned. No, it's not like, you know. Leather fancy. Like the toe. It's not mahogany. The big toe goes through one little ring and the rest are like off to the side. They're real fancy. I know exactly what you're talking about. Like a bull's nose ring. Yeah. Like what Jesus wore. Jesus sandal. Exactly. Exactly. No, these are not Nalga Hyde. So you went against everything that you love, and you decided against the Tommy Bahamas. Why are you raging against Tommy Bahamas now? He's like your BFF. He rents a room from us. That's all. That's all. You guys go sailing together on a catamaran on weekends. How dare you? Babe, babe.
TB's on the phone for you again. He wants to know what day we want his bungalow. You guys were roasting macadamia nuts in your bag last weekend. Honey, TB's on the phone and said that he found your mosquito net. TB's wife made me a grass skirt. How dare you? So anyway, that was my day. So you did not get them. No. As far as we know. No. As far as we know. I didn't get them. I couldn't get them. Did you get any other sandals? Yeah, I got the ones that the guy had showed me. That the dude that worked there showed me. I wasn't going to wear. I couldn't believe that she told him. That she told me. That she had the rocks to look me in the eye and say they're Tommy Bahama. She's trying to do what makes you happy, dude. Yeah. She knows you, bro. That's your wife. That's your wife. She knows you. She couldn't go wrong with that. I mean, everything else you wear is time to go. Exactly. How did she have known that you wouldn't be in on it? Yesterday. I could go all day. I know. All day. Hours. Out catalog. Online. Website. Hey, this is interesting.
A Chinese guy lived 55 years without an anus. Mikey. That's a true story. You can't make. No, no, no. It's a true story. No, you can't make up stories. It's a true story. A Chinese. Oh, well, that's not necessarily what his name was. I don't know what his name was. But he did live 55 years without an anus. I don't know how you can do that. You need it. Don't you? Yeah, apparently it's kind of common. It's a birth defect known as imperforate anus. What? It's a condition in which one out of every 5,000 infants is born with a misplaced, blocked, or missing rectal opening. Yeah, I knew a little girl that didn't have an anus. How do you live? You have to put the intestine in a bag that needs to be cleaned. And it comes out of the body. They have to do an incision, right? I think, I don't know, when I met her, she already had the bag. Hey, let me ask a question. Would that, Woods, for you, would that be a date killer? Like, first date, you know, you find out. Yeah, she's carrying it. Like, she's a 10. She's a 10, but with a poop bag? Yeah, she's out. She's out. You're like, hey, why do you carry your purse so close to your side? Oops, there it is. Oh, bam. Sorry, sorry. That one is, that one is. Medical.
That's not a medical term. That's not a medical term. So this man, his name was Wu. He lived 55 years. Don't high five over dump buttons. I'm proud of her. You have a drop that says the same thing. It's a woman. I'll explain. I'll explain. Don't yeah in there, Jay. So this man named Wu is 55, or he lived 55 years, because usually with this problem, the imperfect anus, it's fixed and surgically fixed when you're an infant. So you don't have to live for very long, but this man couldn't afford this surgery for years. Do you have to know what he did? No. No, wait, wait, wait. Maybe not. Oh! Let me see. You can read it. It's right there, underlined. All right, let me see. Mike's going to just read it to make sure it can be said over the airwaves. I feel like I'm going to throw up. If you say it, I already think I know. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I bet he was fun to be around. Oh, man. No. Can I read it? Not only no, but... Heck no. Absolutely no. Like, we can't... You brought the story up. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just medical condition. I'm just reading the news. I know, but look at the headline. We can't say that either. I wouldn't...
I know. I know. But there's certain things we just, we've, you know, given the information out. And if you'd like to know, you can Google it. It's a real story. And you can find out how exactly he had to go about disposal. That's the best way to put it. All right. You know. Just reading the news. Yeah. There is no, there's just. I won't read it. I promise. You can't read it now. I promise. Afterwards. Okay. Yeah. I wasn't going to read it out loud. Yeah. No, no, no. Obviously. You approve the story. Yeah, it's, ooh, that's something else. Yeah. 55 years a guy was able to go with that. I don't know, I'd go two minutes. Look it up, because it's pretty wild. It's pretty wild. It's filthy. It is. It is that. Jay, did you watch American Idol last night? I did not. Did you, Sienna? I watched the performances. I didn't stay up late enough to watch the Who Got Voted Off last night, although I know, but I did watch the performances on Wednesday night. Top 11. Let me explain. The guy that... I don't even watch the show. I just listen to these clips and I have a favorite based on the clips that we hear. So my favorite was this guy, Casey. He's the guy that plays the stand-up bass. You love that guy. I do. I think he's got a great voice. I like Pia. My wife, Rebecca, said that Pia...
is going to be a superstar. No question. She's Christina Aguilera. She's Celine Dion. She has a voice. My wife says she's a unicorn. Yes, she is. Do you watch the show? I watched five minutes last night and she's smoking hot. So I've watched a couple of her performances. See, I didn't think that she would. My wife said that too. My wife's like, look, she's got it all. She's got a great voice. She's beautiful. And I was like, maybe it's just not my type. She's like Latina, gorgeous, well-dressed. There are Latinas that I think are gorgeous. J-Lo? No. Not my type. J-Lo was my original, don't go in there. J-Lo was my original, uh-oh, if she's coming out of the restroom, just give it some time. I want to squeeze them. I think Penelope Cruz is beautiful. You don't. I think she's gorgeous. But anyway, Pia. Oh, well. Oh, that was not what I expected. So anyway, here's what happened last night. The person with the lowest number of votes and in danger of leaving us tonight is Casey Stefano. You are safe. So he's voted into the bottom three.
And then he's voted out. And then this happened. He's doing his final performance. When someone gets voted out, they get to sing one last time. So that's what he's doing. To sway the judges. It is. Yo. He's saying stop. Stop. Hold on one sec. Come over. We know who you are, Casey. We don't need to hear you sing anymore, do we, Stephen? They saved him. What? They get one. They get to save one person per season. A season? A season. Wow. That's why they sing like that? Yeah, because you're wondering. You're like, are they going to save him? Oh, I didn't know that song. That makes sense now because you would think after you get booted, you're like, in the daytime, you're not going to give it your all. Will they make the rest of the people sing after they get booted? Yeah, everyone gets a chance. But they can't be saved anymore. Not now. Wow.
But they just sing like one last time on the stage and it's kind of emotional. Yeah. You know, people like it. People really like to see people have to go through something difficult. I don't know what it is, but we do. We like that. So anyway, the guy was saved. I really like that dude. You love that guy. I like his voice. Yeah, he's good. He's not going to win. No, that's what Sienna said. That girl Pia, right? No, I don't even think she'll win. I think that there's a... They're going to make it to the top, I think. But there's a young girl, Lauren, whose clip we played. She's like 15 or 16. Southern girl. Yeah. She's really good. And she just stands out. I think she's really good. So you should win. Yeah. Agreed, right? Agreed. I bet she'll perform on American Idol, this girl. Of course, right? I think that they, I think the winner of American Idol should have to sing this as like the final song. The final song. Want to hear audio of a kid in Pennsylvania freak out because of a tornado? Listen, let me help you. Yes, you do. This is great. This is great. Make some noise in here with our live studio audience. We'll be back. Take people from fires that were just unbelievable. I save life every day. I stopped a building from crumbling. I've taken cats out of trees that were scared to death.
Saved a couple kids in the water. You know, a couple kids a weekend. And in the wild. In the wild. In the wild. I've just been in the wild. Sometimes I'll just go out into the bush. Yeah. A lot of time in the bush. Mike. You knew better, Mike. You throw a fastball down the middle. Even Jay's going to hit that one. Oh, look at that. Bell tie. Chuck Norris is scared of me. Yeah. He is. Let's see. San Diego State. Did not do it. Yeah. Very sadly. Sienna, what's going on in news? Just so you know, if you live in the North County area, you're going to be hearing some noises this weekend. Camp Pendleton, the artillery units are going to be doing a live fire exercises from 6 a.m. to midnight on Saturday and Sunday.
So you're going to hear these noises most likely. Don't be afraid. It's Camp Pendleton doing some exercises. Also, an update on the air traffic controller who fell asleep. Now, this happened at the Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport. If you didn't hear, the guy who was manning the tower late at night fell asleep. And two flights, an American Airline commercial flight and United Airline flight. Couldn't reach anyone in the tower, so they had to land on their own, which is a very scary thing when you don't know where you're going, what you're doing. But this man has been suspended. He said that he had been working his fourth consecutive overnight shift from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. So he was tired, whatever. They've suspended him. They have given him a drug test, which they say is standard procedure. And they're also investigating human fatigue issues to see if something was wrong for why he fell asleep. Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Guys, guys, the reason that I fell asleep was because it was the fourth night in a row of doing my job. I know. I used to do overnights. Yeah. He's a 20-year veteran, though. You're not supposed to fall asleep. I know. It could have been five nights. Yeah. I mean, that's a job, you know? That's what you do. But maybe he does different shifts, and he got four overnights in a row. Maybe he had just got back from the Andes where he had been hiking.
No. Maybe he would have run a marathon. Maybe he, four nights and he fell asleep. It just, you know, it doesn't happen all the time. He's a 20-year veteran. Every once in a while, you're going to slip up, unfortunately. You know, there's people on those airplanes. It's a bad slip up, but there should be more than one person. Because that's a really important job. Yeah, I'm shocked. It's one dude. It should not be. Just drinking coffee, playing Jenga, or like playing Solitaire on the computer. Jenga. Jenga. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, we mentioned it earlier, and it wasn't good. The Aztecs lost last night to the Connecticut Huskies, and Kemba Walker for the Huskies was an absolute beast, scoring nearly half the points for UConn. After the game, San Diego State Aztec DJ Gay was talking about him. Cut to you. He gave us everything he had. He played a great game, and he led his team well. We tried to contain him. We knew he was going to get his points. Kimball was Kimball tonight. Bless you. Pardon me. Bless you. And in the other games that went down last night in the Sweet 16, Florida fought off the BYU Cougars, so that's good. At least BYU's not in it because nobody around here likes BYU very much. And Arizona came out last night and beat Duke 93-77. They gave them a dirt nap. It was incredible. And Butler, who's just so amazing in a tournament every year, beat Wisconsin to reach the Elite Eight as well.
And they won 61-54. So this teenager in Hempfield, Pennsylvania, he's videotaping and he sees a thunderstorm cloud start to build. And he starts to see the formation of a tornado. That's a tornado. Right now we're in Hempfield, Pennsylvania. March 23rd, 2011. I like the timestamp, by the way. Love the timestamp. This tornado. we don't get tornadoes here this tornado right here it's coming hard it's coming down hard it is right above us do you see that do you see that oh my god it's oh it's ripping stuff apart this is a tornado guys he's just near you this is a tornado oh my god if you could see that Oh, my God. It landed. Oh, my God. Tornado. Tornado. Wow. Isolate, isolate, isolate, isolate, isolate, isolate. Wow. Next time one of us gets mad. Yes. Tornado. Tornado. What? Crazy is that? That's good stuff, though, right? That's great.
It's good stuff. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Here's scenarios. Tornado. Tornado. Tornado. 570-570-1949 is our number. You can also text us 949mikey at gmail.com is how you get a hold of us by text. Is it okay to take a kid to a UFC or MMA fight? How old? That's what I'm wondering. Define kid. You had to find kid. No, it is not. It is not, Jay. I say it is, and I would take my boys, I would say the age double digits. As soon as they hit double digits, I'm good. So 10. So 10. Really? Yeah. I couldn't do it. It is bloody. See, I'm not a big fan to start off with because it's just too much. I'm not a fan of people beating each other up. So you would never take your kid ever? No, never. Would you let... Your child, Mike, at the age of 10, watched a battle movie with blood everywhere? No, probably not. But what's the difference? There's blood and they're beating each other. I think that the battle movie or whatever. Like Saving Private Ryan. I'm trying to think, yeah. Like that, yeah. I couldn't let him watch Saving Private Ryan. Because I can't think of a lot of movies that would depict that. That wouldn't also have stuff.
that I would be okay with them seeing. Cursing. Like Saving Private Ryan's got cursing in it, you know? But you'd let them watch like The Fighter, The Wrestler, something like that. No. Don't you think there's going to be a lot of cursing at UFC? I mean, people are going to be screaming at things. Yeah, but I take them to a football game, too. I take them to a baseball game. Yeah, but if there's cursing at one place and there's cursing at a movie, either way, you teach them. Don't say those things. Yeah, but I can't control the guy at the baseball game or the football game. I can control the movie. I don't have to show it. You know, and same, you know, so if we went to a baseball game, somebody's cussing, I'll say, I don't like that stuff. I don't like that stuff. I don't want you to do that. But the fights, you know, like boxing and, you know, sanctioned sports, you know. I think boxing's different. I think it's not as aggressive. It's not so gruesome. Yeah, it's not so gruesome.
I wonder if too many people still have the thoughts of the old UFC. You know, when UFC first started, because I saw the very first one, I saw the very first event with Hoist Gracie. And when they very first fought, there was only two rules. You couldn't gouge someone's eyes. That was a rule. You couldn't gouge their eyes. It's a good rule. The other rule, I believe, was no biting. Somebody will call and tell us if that's wrong. Now, Senator John McCain said that it was brutal and it was awful. And then Zufa bought it. And Dana White came in. And Dana White said, listen, I'm a businessman. I want to make some dough. And the way that I'll be able to make some dough is to legitimize this sport. And then to not just legitimize it. To make it the biggest thing ever. And to outdo boxing. To date, over the last three years, UFC is the only sport that has continued to grow as other sports have declined. Especially with 18 plus people. Strangely, females are watching it as well. Because the guys are good looking. I think my wife loves it.
My daughter's gone to a couple of matches. Now, I've been to a professional boxing match. I went and saw Oscar De La Hoya fight. And the intensity when they come into the arena is really something, man. I mean, it's intense. The first time that I ever went to a UFC match was UFC 51 in Vegas at Mandalay Bay. And you can't even compare the two. The hair on my arm stood up at the UFC event. The energy in the room is palpable. You can feel it. When those lights went out for the main event, it was deafening. And the energy in there was just unbelievable. And what Dana White has done is he's taken basically a blood sport. It used to just be a blood sport. That's all it was. It was, you know, like animalistic.
He took it and he said, first of all, we're going to sanction it with the state of Nevada so that there's rules involved with it. And we're going to make sure that it's not just guys punching each other. We want to make it a legitimate sport. We're also going to make weight divisions. Just like boxing, we're not going to put a 350-pound dude up there against a 155-pound dude. And that's how they kind of legitimize the sport. So to me, it and boxing... Share similarities. Now, there are times where occasionally someone's head will open up. It does happen. There's no doubt about it. Now, me, I'm a guy and I still have that warrior mentality because I'm a guy. You know, I got a warrior mentality. I'm not for street fighting, you know, because that's I believe that's wrong. But. Sports, sports have gone on forever and I'm okay with sports. So I wouldn't have a problem with my kid going to a boxing match. I wouldn't have a problem with my kid. I wouldn't have a problem with my kid fighting in mixed martial arts any more than I would have a problem with my kid taking karate and wanting to compete competitively in karate or football or whatever. I mean, hey, listen, football, they have padding on. They're taking hits in football every week.
And they're taking hits for three hours. They're taking hits, but their point isn't to hurt the other person. Yeah, it is. Tell that to Ray Lewis. Hey, Ray. He wants to kill somebody. That's the point. He did kill somebody. Off the field. Allegedly. He was tried and acquitted. So was OJ. Oh, wow. Hey, wait a second. I didn't do anything, man. I didn't do nothing. I was denied it happened. I was buying McDonald's. But if you did it. If I did it, I'd write a book about it. Well, I already wrote a book. You wrote a book. I wrote a book. You wrote a book, man. We. We. Wrote a book. Wrote a book. And said. If we did it. If. That's the key word. If. If we did it. If we don't have the if, you just can't. You got nothing. You're just cannonballing into blood. That's weird. That's strange. M1 Sanjaya from San Diego. Hi, man. Hey, man. I agree with, you know, I would take my son to watch these fights in one condition, though. Morse code? Are you getting a tattoo? Yeah, are you getting a tattoo right now? Yeah, right now. You're going to make noise. Hey, Sanjaya. Yeah. Now, do you have the same rule for baseball and football? Like, he can't go unless he plays? No.
And I don't want him to, like, impression, you know, just if he's not involved, doesn't know, because they teach you that sort of stuff when you're in those martial arts classes for, like, one thing, you know, like, basically, you know, it's like you're learning. You're not just going there to fight so you can learn to fight. Right. You know, I think you may have swayed me on something. I don't think that I can just blanketly say that I would take the kid once he's double digits. I'll take the kid if, depending on my kid. Yeah. Like if my kid is already like Luke. Luke. Okay. He'll be an MMA fighter. Yeah. He probably already is. Yeah. And I just don't know it. But if Luke is like already too rough. Yeah. I ain't taking him. But what if he wants to, what if he expressed an interest in wanting to get involved in like martial arts? I would do that. I would do that. But if he's already like, and maybe I wouldn't do that. I answered that too fast. You wouldn't let him get into martial arts? Not if he's already got an issue. If he's aggressive. Yeah, if he's already got an issue with aggressiveness. It could teach him some discipline, though, on how to channel that aggression. Maybe then he takes, you know, dance. Maybe you give him a glove and a bat. Glove and a bat. Not everybody plays baseball. Yeah, he can, though. Different sports. Why don't you try it? He can try baseball, but what if he doesn't want to play baseball? If he doesn't want to... They give him a basketball. I don't think you give him an aggro. You can let him do MMA. M1. Really? Yeah.
M1 Rob from Point Loma. Yes, sir. What's up? It's like any other sport. I think it's a nasty sport. Do you think I would take my 15-year-old son? Because they're putting themselves on the line, and that's their business. You know, if they want to let their face get, you know, that's up to them. Yeah. 15 seems old enough. Too young to be messed up. I think if you're a kid in high school, then he's got a little bit more maturity to him. be able to take it. Some kids are mature. Some kids are more mature at 12 than a lot of 15-year-olds. Some are not. That's why I say it depends on a kid, right? You know what I mean? Thank you. I appreciate it. M1 Herald from San Marcos. Go ahead. Yeah, I would definitely take my kid to a UFC fight. I've been to a few UFC fights and the crowd at a UFC fight compared to a Charger game, not even close. I agree. I've been to both.
I've been to both. I've heard more cussing at the Charger game. I did. More beer. But it's not the cussing that bothers me. You can teach your child that's wrong from what time they're little. You're taking them to somewhere where the whole point is to beat the other person. But that's the point. What about boxing? Boxing is more of a sport and skill. That's why they call it the sweet science. Because it's science. This is not like I use it. Jim Rome used to not be on board with it. And then he watched it and learned about it. See, it a lot of times there are times where it's bloody. There's a lot of times where it's not bloody because you get a guy that is a boxer like that. His background is more boxing. And so it looks like a fight. In fact, sometimes you'll hear booze because what they're doing is just kind of facing off. But why are people booing? They're booing because there's no action. Same reason they boo at a boxing match. But that's my problem. They want to see blood. And that's what's gross. Same reason that they boo at a boxing match when they're doing the same bit. They're just kind of walking around. They're like feeling each other out there. It's like, come on, let's have some action. Now, I get what you're saying. I want to see it too. I don't necessarily want blood. But what I do want is I want to fight. I mean, I want to see a fight. I want to see a guy get taken down. I want to see a guy on the ground. I want to see, you know, how they.
Deal with one another. See, because that's a cool part of it, too. You got one guy that's really good at a particular kind of martial art going up against another guy. And you go, how's that going to work? I mean, when you see these two guys get in there that got different. Any UFC fans in here? Does anybody like UFC? Let me get one of you guys over here. Over this microphone right here. What's the best, one of your favorite fights? My favorite fight is anything with George St. Pierre. I just love his style. Why? I like just ground and pound. He's a stand-up, and he makes it an art. Yeah. Yeah. Now, some of the greatest fights are when they're guys that have the different types of mixed martial art background, and you see just different stuff go on. You've got to see how they're going to deal with one another. It's good stuff. My kid, I think you're not always guaranteed to see.
blood spilling all over the ring. But if you do, I mean, you explain to your kid what your kid's seeing. You know what I mean? It's just like, I hate that people want to see it. And that's just me being a girl. And I, you know, there's techniques and things in UFC that I don't know. And I'll be the first to admit that. So I don't understand a lot of it, but I don't really want to. I think it's just inherent in women to be like, stop it. Don't do that. And just not want to see that. I don't want to see fighting ever. I don't even, I mean, I appreciate the sports, but I don't want to, I don't like watching it. Yeah. Oh, this is, this is kind of cool. Thank you, dude. We got M1 Maria from San Diego on the line. Are you there, Maria? Yeah, I'm here. How old are you? I'm 25. Okay. And you, what's the deal with, you like UFC? Yeah, I watch it all the time. I watch it with my husband and, you know, I usually, whenever. I'm Mexican, so whenever there's a sport, any type of sport, we get together and do the whole big carne asada thing and all that. Me too. How about we do some Mexican spaghetti at the next UFC? And we have you come over, Sienna. Watch a little UFC. I've watched it before. I just don't. Mexican spaghetti? I'll go in for the Mexican spaghetti. I just won't watch. Thank you. We'll talk in the kitchen. There you go.
5701949, would you let your kid see a UFC fight? The U.S. is growing by 9.7%, right? And then what about San Diego County? San Diego County is among the five largest states and counties that are growing. So we're getting more and more people coming to San Diego. Who's playing movie plot hot potato today? Boys. Boys? Woods and Jay. Now, if you want to play Movie Plot Hot Potato, what is the prize, Jay? Today's prize is the Fred Hall—oh, no, no, we're going to do—yeah, Fred Hall Boat Show. Sorry. Ultimate Outdoor Experience. Okay, that's the thing that Jack Daggers at. Yes. So you can see him throwing knives, the whole thing. Now, you're going to call right now, 570-1949. You're going to pick Woods or Jay. Woods or Jay. And here's the deal. They're going to explain a movie plot to me, and I have to guess the movie.
At the end of 60 seconds, whoever's holding the hot potato as they pass it back and forth as, I guess, a movie, they have to take a BB. And Woods has had some punishment this week. Yeah. I have welts all over my back. Serious punishment. He has had some serious punishment. We all shot him yesterday. Oh, yeah. At the same time. Several times. Husky Husky. Oh, you have to watch that video on Facebook. It's hysterical. Question. If you're Chris Brown and you just broke a window at Good Morning America because you were in a rage, What's the last thing you want your fans to do in your name? Because you'll get to hear Chris Brown himself make a plea to his fans to stop. We'll tell you next. We got that Chris Brown clip coming up here in just a minute. Don't forget, at 8 o'clock, Woods, L.O.B., and Sienna and Jay are going to be racing in the hallway on roller skates. We have the chicks from the Derby Dolls coming in. Word of the day is Bobcat. When you hear me weave that into a sentence between now and ten, caller nine wins good prize. And you're going to be calling for either Jay or Woods in movie plot hot potato. And the loser has to take a BB. That's right. We do have the air gun, by the way. Yeah. Oh, it's going to hurt. Woods, he took some.
Mean ones yesterday. Took some shots yesterday. You sure did. Taking shrapnel real good for the Supergirl show. Yes, you were, my friend. Okay, so Chris Brown went on BET. Hello. I just call it TV. Yeah, you just call it TV. And, you know, he was talking about what he did at Good Morning America and all that. You know, of course, a lot of people are talking about what happened yesterday. A lot went on. First of all, are you okay? I'm great. You know, actually, as you can see, after the incident, you saw. Are you OK? Yeah, come on. Yeah, you threw something at a window and shattered the window. But are you OK? First of all, let's get that straight that you're OK. Me out, you know, with my people and just, you know, trying to enjoy life and enjoy this experience of having my album on, you know. But I just think yesterday, first of all, I want to apologize to anybody who was startled in the office, anybody who was offended or really or really looked disappointed in my actions because I was disappointed in the way I acted.
That's cool. He said that before. That's true. You make a good point, L.O.B. That's true. Cry a wolf a little bit. Now, here he addresses the fact that what got him mad was that he was asked about a restraining order that was issued against him from Rihanna. For beating up a girl. For beating up Rihanna. Who doesn't have questions about a restraining order asked to him. It's a true story, L.O.B. Hey, true story. Oh, wow. You guys went to... One of you went to fist bump and the other one went to high five. And it didn't work out. It was that awkward white guy moment that usually happens. What did we do? It was really white. Yeah. Sorry, I put up that. I thought you were going with a blow. And I thought you were going to do that. Well, never mind. Here we go. And, you know, a lot of people don't know what went down. And, you know, obviously... When I do shows or when I do interviews, we always send out like a... Do they really need the music bed in the background? Powerful. I think people do know what went down. Rihanna went down. After you beat the crap out of her. She went down. Under the ground. With a busted lip. And a black eye. Black eye? A black eye. You know, and if the network or whoever isn't compliant with what we want to do and so we can...
equally accomplish a goal, we usually kind of back out and wait till it's a better situation. So when we actually did this event, everything was cool. We were supposed to perform. The talking points were positivity, creative, and everything that was sent to me. It was about the album. That's what we were talking about. So as the interview proceeded, it was kind of thrown off. I was thrown off by it. I felt like it was like, okay, they told us this just so they can get us on the show to exploit me. That's what I thought. It's true. What he just said is, that is true. If they said that we want to talk about your album, blah, blah, blah, it is sensational that they go on the air and go, Chris Brown is going to be in the, people are like, oh gosh, I got to see that. I want to see if they're going to ask about Rihanna. Well, who doesn't equate him with that now? Of course. But again, it goes back to if you're told that it's one thing and then it happens that it's not. That's not fair. She didn't go into depth about what happened in the incident. It was all about, okay, well, we see you at these, you know, if you have a new album out. Where are you now? You know what I mean? She knew she was not supposed to say anything. She knew he wasn't there to talk about that. Hey, listen. She skirted it. You guys, this is what pisses me off so bad about this. I've got a past. I wasn't the best person around. Made mistakes. Got arrested a couple times. When we went to adopt a kid, they brought all this stuff up.
I didn't want it. I didn't want to talk about it. Sometimes you don't get to choose. When you screw up, it's always there. It's 100% different. But they told me they weren't going to exploit me. It's not. Okay, next time that somebody comes in to interview us and they're like, okay, we want to talk about your DUIs. We want to talk about this. You're like, okay. And then the next time they come in, we want to talk about your DUIs. We want to talk about this. And you're like, look. It's a consequence of my actions. We're not going to do the interview. It's a consequence of my actions. You could set the playing field. How about this? Were you able to say to the adoption agency and have them agree to this? Were you able to say to them, hey guys, I don't want to talk about any legal... Were you able to say that? No. Okay, wait, wait, wait. What if you were? What if you were able to say to the adoption agency, listen. I don't want to talk about any of my legal past. And the adoption agency says, no problem, we won't. And then they ask me anyway? And then they do. Would you go, wait a minute, I thought that we agreed. You know the difference? I'm paying money out of my own pocket, not trying to promote a freaking record.
Okay, I'm paying $10,000 out of my pocket to try to adopt a kid. Both ways there's an agreement. We don't always get to decide what people ask. You get asked about your past a lot, too. You don't. And it sucks. You dress it up, but you have to talk about it. I've never said to the person. Well, actually, that's not true. I got interviewed last year, and it was really soon after everything had happened with the old station. I was still having nightmares. antidepressants and you know anxiety and i said listen if it's going to be a whole thing of like what happened right i said i don't want to relive it i don't want to go now now i do i'll talk about it now people can interview me now and they can ask and i tell them you can ask now sure but i didn't want to and they agreed and they didn't now if they had i mean this is a this is a
A choice that we've made, we've agreed with one another. So if one of them doesn't hold their end of the bargain, that makes them a liar. That makes it okay to go smash up a window at Good Morning America is what you're saying. Chris Brown made a gigantic mistake by touching Rihanna. A consequence he's going to have to live with for the rest of his life. Going on Good Morning America two years later, he was under the intention that he was there to promote an album, which is why they had him on the show. Right. In fact, I'll take Apple. Well, wait a minute. No, no. I'll even take it. I'll say this. Good Morning America. I'll say this. If Chris Brown ever wants to adopt a kid, they're going to ask about the Rihanna thing because it's on his record. Right. But if he's going to Good Morning America and he don't want to talk about it, that's that's his. That's his birthday. It must be his birthday. Now, wait, wait, wait. Now, how about this? You're ridiculous. Am I ridiculous for going against a guy that beat the crap out of a woman? I must be ridiculous. What if they said this? What if they said this to him? What if they said, Chris, sorry, we got to ask. He then has a choice. He can either go, well, I ain't doing it then. Or he can go, all right, I'm fine with that. What Robin Roberts asked him was, hey, have you bumped into Rihanna since this restraining order went down?
She wasn't supposed to. Hey, tell me about... She was off the table. How do we know? We didn't see the talking points. We didn't see the talking points. But you can go outside. We don't know. He would have freaked out if he had known it was coming. And she sounded... I think she found a loophole. I think they were like, don't talk about what happened two years ago. And she's talking about now. What is happening now? It's still regarding what happened. Happy birthday, Chris Brown. Mike, Jay, and I are not saying what Chris Brown did was right. So what are you guys defending? We're defending the fact that he went on the show. With the intention, Rihanna was not going to come up because she wasn't supposed to come up. He should not have freaked out. He acted like an idiot punching a window. He acted like an idiot. Wait, wait, wait. And that's a good point, L.O.B. L.O.B., you said, I'm sure it comes up all the time. No. In fact, I haven't seen him do any interviews.
Specifically Chris Brown. There's people, there's celebrities that get interviewed all the time that have come to an agreement, we're not going to talk about this. And reporters still find a way to either circumvent it or still ask the question. But they don't, not every celebrity you hear about then smashes, I mean, a person with a history of violence. Wait, wait, wait. We're not talking about the smashing. So we're saying. We think he messed up because he smashed. Oh yeah, he's an idiot. So he gets sympathy from us? What are we supposed to give him? They're two different things. So what are we giving him then? They're two different things. Okay, so what do we want out of this? Well, let's talk about the window. The window, he's a moron. He's a moron. Okay. And Robin Roberts and Good Morning America, they're not very ethical. No. If, in fact, they said that they weren't going to ask about something, they did. She said, she said. Literally. She said that everything was cool. So who's lying? She is. Who are we going to – I think she is. Let me trust Chris Brown. Well, you know why? Because he's trustworthy. That's why. Because he's freaked out. Because I've dealt with PR people before that are doing their job, and they come in and they lay down the law. They say, this is what's going to go on. This is what you can't ask. And this is absolutely what you cannot. I've said it up a thousand times. You guys know how – It happened to me. I did it. I did it to someone. I double-crossed them. I ambushed them. And what happens is once you get that –
that image or that's what you do, you stop getting good interviews. I'm pretty sure people are going to still go on Good Morning America. Well, now they know what to expect. Now they know what to expect. They know who they are. But Robin Roberts, did she not come out? Robin Roberts came out in audio and said, yesterday, everything was fine. Everything was agreed on. The talking points were agreed on. And I didn't stray from those. What else is she going to say? Well, what else is he going to say? Who you guys are defending is him. Celebrities going on Good Morning America that have a past from now on after this. incident are going to second guess Robin Roberts interviewing them. Not if they have a new album coming out. They won't. They'll be all for it. Because Chris Brown, if they have a past, they're going to be like, oh, great. Who can trust her? She's probably going to bring that up. And we know about this album probably more than if he just went on and did his little Cisco dance. Right. Well, put it this way. Let's say it's Britney Spears, right? Yeah. And Britney's like, she's got a new album out. But Britney also shaved her head. And smashed paparazzi with umbrellas. Showed her vag to the world. getting out of a car. She's done a lot of things that were very embarrassing. Correct. Now, if I'm Britney Spears' publicist and I'm going on Good Morning America for her to perform her new song, I say, hey guys, we don't want to talk about head shaving. We don't want to talk about VAD showing. We don't want to talk about drugs, alcohols, umbrellas. We don't want to talk about any of that stuff. We want to talk about the record.
Now, if Good Morning America wanted to, they could go, they forgot to mention the sexual harassment thing with the kids and her showing naked boobie shots. They forgot to mention that one. And so they're interviewing her and they go for it. Or let's say they're interviewing her and they go, so let's talk about your shaved head. Which, by the way, I've seen. And I've done. I've done it. It doesn't make it right. When I did it, it was wrong. Right. And when I've seen it done, I believe it's wrong. It's just people trying to do their jobs. Right. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Why are you thinking he told the truth and not her? I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. Let me be the prosecutor. I'll be the prosecutor. The reason that I think that Good Morning America is guilty and not her is because she, as evidence number one, I would put her.
Because she was so nervous. Because she's sitting in front of a guy that is capable of anger, obviously. He went and broke a window five minutes later. You guys are very subjective in saying she sounded nervous. You're going to hold that against him forever? Yeah. Then someone's going to hold that. You and your... jail pass against you forever? And how does that make you feel? It sucks, but you know what? You're not like that anymore. You don't even drink anymore. So why should you be punished? Because he's learning. Just let him try and learn. Drinking is legal. Beating the S out of a defenseless woman is not. Here it is. Here's the clip of Robin Roberts asking. Chris Brown riding high. Brand new CD out. Fame. It's out today. Already has three number one hits. fourth one climbing the charts, and the album is number one on iTunes today. It's a far cry from the last time the two of us sat down, just months after he pled guilty to felony assault. He took responsibility for hitting his then-girlfriend, Rihanna, and has spent the last two years rebuilding his life and career. My hair has grown a great deal since the last time I saw you, too, Chris Brown. How are you? I'm pretty good, yeah. Everything's good, yeah. Now, so far, all she's done is say what's happened and...
No stutters. Even, by the way, even if they had the agreement, don't ask him about anything. She didn't. She doesn't. I don't have any problem. If I'm his people, I kind of go, oh, boy. But I'm not, you know, I'm not that mad at it. It's what we know him as. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know him as anything else. And so she stated something. She stated a fact. She hasn't, you know, I told her not to ask. And she hasn't. Right. And thank you for sitting down for just a moment before. It's all about the music. Your fans are here, but you have been very good about talking with me a little bit about this because we've gone through it and talked about it when I went to your home. What's going on now? It's the first question, by the way. It's the first thing. Recently, the restraining order against you that Rihanna had issued has been relaxed. Have you all... You can go to events and be in the same room. Have you all seen each other, been around each other? She's not supposed to say. I mean, not really. I mean, it's not really a big deal to me now as far as that situation. I think I'm past that in my life. Obviously. Hey, what he did was awful, horrible. He's obviously past it. I think she was trying to find the right wording to go back to their agreement was you can't say this, you can't say this. So she was stumbling for the right wording. I don't think she was nervous about it. I think she was being careful not to lose her job. Yeah.
Well, it's up to a listen. We all got to make our minds up because we don't know. And until Good Morning America goes, well, listen, we'll show the world. We'll photocopy these talking notes and show the world. Then we won't know. It's up to you to decide. CNN, I think it was a deal where. She knew. And Woods and L.O.B. are like, nah. Jay's on your side, too. Jay loves Chris Brown more than anyone. None of us love Chris Brown. None of us love Chris Brown. None of us think Chris Brown is a good guy. Jay loves Chris Brown. Jay loves Chris Brown. I just think if you're weighing the two, if they're both saying the same thing and you're weighing the two, I'm going to lean towards Robin Roberts. I'm going to. Naturally. Just naturally. But if you don't... Lean that way? Okay. No, I don't. She thought they were in the nest. Not based on that. She thought they were in the trust tree. At the nest, they weren't. Because they talked about all this at his ranch or wherever he lives. 570-1949. Everyone has a ranch these days. M1, George in San Diego. Who do you want in movie plot hot potato? Hang on the line. And M1, Jose from Spring Valley. You got Jay. Hang on. Hang on a minute. Hang on. Here we go. All right.
60 seconds. You've got to describe the movie to me. I've been on a hot streak. I've been getting these. You're good. Oh, well, uh-oh. Headposts attack me. All right, so here's what they do. They toss the hot potato back and forth between each other. But the hot potato can not leave their hand until I guess what the movie is. So you're going to give me the plot of the movie. Once I get it, they toss. Now, if the ball that they're holding as the hot potato leaves their hand, they're not responsible for the hot potato. It can be in the air, but as long as it's left their hand, they are not the loser. Are you guys ready? We are. I'm starting. 60 seconds beginning now. She stumbles down the rabbit hole. Alice in Wonderland. Andy Dufresne is in prison. Shawshank Redemption. Blah, Madracula. Twilight. A bunch of guys started fraternity. They're like 30 years old. Animal House. Nope. Luke Wilson, Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell. Trust Tree was in that movie. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no. They start a fraternity. Honeymoon. Give me more. Give me more. Will Ferrell's in it. Frank the Tank. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Frank the Tank. Christian Bell. Marky Mark.
They fight. The fighter. Oh, you just said the word. It's a golf movie. Rodney Dangerfield. Caddyshack. Chevy Chase. Gets his arm caught in a rock and has to chop it off. 127 hours. The first Indiana Jones movie. Indiana Jones and the Temple of... And later it's The Lost Ark. Colin Firth. He has trouble speaking. He stutters. Yes, sir! What is that? King speech. Oh. Dude, I did never. I was like, who's Colin Firth? Who's Colin Firth? Who's Colin Firth? Yeah, me too. Can we isolate the he- This is a stutter. Oh my gosh. This is a stutter. Nice work, Jake. That was awesome. All right, here we go. Oh my gosh. Woods, I could not think of old school. And it just came to me. Because there's no- You haven't seen that movie. I know. I know. I was like, what is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? All right. Hey, can we turn that light on over there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Turn the light on. And Jay is using the airsoft gun. Don't try this at home. Oh, my God. Do not try this at home. This is only for adults. Adult human beings are the only ones that can do this. All right. Woods is taking aim. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Jay, where did it go? Where did you take it? The inside of his knee. Oh, Woodsy. Oh, you got him good. You got him good. I didn't hear the contact on that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Speaking of reality. Speaking of reality. When we come back, we're going to play a game of Let's. Today, Let's Skate. We got the girls from the Derby Dolls here, and they are going to teach these guys how to do it. And this is what's going to happen. It's going to be Woods, Jay, L-O-B, and Sienna. They're going to race each other through the hallways on roller skates. So here's what I want you to do. Call us right now and pick a horse. Who's going to win? L-O-B, Jay, Woods, or Sienna? 570-194-9. Call us and tell us. We'll be back. Make some noise. Woo! So live studio audience, this couldn't be more of an opposite song than what's about to happen. I know. In fact, here Woods, I'm going to give you some music that'll... Give me a taste. Yeah, let me give you something that'll get you all fired up, alright? You got on your Deftones t-shirt, Woods. Yep. This'll get you going. Pretend we're in my car. This would be so much louder if we were in your car. Woods plays music really loud.
You can't even hear some breathing. Really loud. Wow, he's there. Hey, let's hear it for Hash House of Go-Go, by the way. Winner of M1's favorite breakfast place. Oh, so good. So we are going to play a game of Let's, and today it's Let's Skate. Now, I will tell you this. While we were on commercial, one of the girls from the Derby Dolls showed us. picture of one of their compatriots. Who's the spokesperson? Who wants to be the spokesperson for the Derby Dolls today? It's going to be you. Okay. Tell us your name. Hi, I'm Isabel Ringer of the San Diego Derby Dolls. Got a cool voice. Great voice. Great voice. So did you skate last night? I did, yeah. We were just having a regular practice, getting ready for the game, and it's like five minutes left to practice, just practicing whips. There you go.
There you go. Tell everybody what the Derby dolls are and what they do and where they do it and how people can watch it. Sure. San Diego Derby Dolls is a bank and flat track roller derby league here in San Diego. It's all female. We're trying to make the sport professional right now. We train really, really hard. It's super athletic. People always ask us if it's like the old days. And some of it's the same, but none of it's staged anymore. It's purely athletic. If somebody falls and somebody jumps over them, it's because they didn't want to fall and they jumped over them. Right. We play our bouts at the Del Mar Fairgrounds. Next bouts. this Saturday at the Weiland Hall, the big one with the whale on it. Wow. I want to see it. I do. I want to see it. And let me tell you, these girls, I believe that any one of them at any time could kick the snot out of me or Woods. Agreed. I mean, just, there's no doubt about it. There's no question. They were just trying to teach me and it didn't go well. Yeah, let me tell you something. Wrong button. Yeah. What were you trying to hit?
I wasn't trying to hit anything. Oh, he just accidentally hit something. Happens all the time. Yeah, it happens. So they were teaching woods out in the hallway. It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. I'm exhausted already. Now, we thought that the girls were going to be racing today because we thought that the girls were bringing skates, but there was a miscommunication. We often get forgotten about as part of the show. Oh, my. We're having to get left out of things. I mean, you can come down to our dollhouse. We'll teach you how to skate there. We're always recruiting. No, it's not your fault. Oh, wow. But Woods and Jay, you guys have a real good time? Have a good time. Hey, we get to skate and ski in the same day. Yeah, look at us. So tell me. It's good to be us. So tell me. Do you think he's going to... Get through this without a broken ankle. Woods. I think he's going to make it without a broken ankle. You do? That's about as far as I'm willing to bet it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. No, this is not fair. This is not fair. This is not fair. Hey, I get a head start. I get a head start. Dude, you have to.
Look at this idiot. Look at this guy. Look at this guy. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Jay is showing off on his nerd. Jay is wearing his own rollerblades that he bought. To be fair, he isn't. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Let me just tell you. Come on. Jay is doing figure eights. He is skating backwards. He's jumping around. I mean, the guy clearly knows what he's doing. Son of a... Boys, get him. Get him. Next week, we should do... Let's bat. And I'm throwing a real baseball as hard as I can. This is not fair. This is not fair. I get a head start. You get a way head start. Oh, yeah. To the end of the hole. Oh, yeah. Wait, wait, wait. What? So are they going around in a circle? Is that the deal? Yes. Okay, they're going around in a circle around the whole hallway. Get him, Woods. Get him, Woods. Woods at least gets. I get to the end of that hallway. What? You get to the end of the hallway. Wow. He gets to one end of the hallway. Remember to just rig a contest? Hey, Jay. Hey, I get it. I get it. You're doing figure eights on your rollerblades. He's Murphy up on his toe stops. He's ready. He's learning the start. Yeah, I don't have toe stops. All right. Now, I'm going to ask you a real question here. Even if Woods gets to the end of the hallway, do you think he can win? Ain't no way. No way. I still don't think so either, but we'll give you the end of the hallway, Woods. Yes!
He's going to be so hard in that hallway. I've seen women overcome greater odds. Really fat women, though? That's fair. He is not a woman. They showed us a picture off the air of one of your friends that was skating last night. She broke her ankle. Who was it? Shout out to Anna Another Thing. She's still getting it taken care of right now. It's her birthday today. It's a rough one. Happy birthday, Anna. They showed us a picture of her ankle. Oh, it's not good. It's gnarly. Like, it is a full-on ankle break. And Woods, what are you doing? Before we get started. What are you doing? I'm going to power up. He needs a bite of a biscuit. Carb loading. Carb loading. He's taking a bite of a biscuit. It's like his superpower. That may be your problem to start off with. You didn't drop any crumbs either. Yeah, you know that. You know that. All right, you ready to do this? I'm going to get my biscuit down. Okay. Alright, I'm going to go out into the hallway. Let's have people pick M1 Craig from San Diego. Who do you want? You hang on the line, mister. And next up is M1 Kiko from Mission Valley. You've got Woods. Hang on the line. Now wait a minute. Test that microphone. Can you hear us out here? I can hear you great. I can hear you great.
Okay, I'm going to come out there. Hang on a minute. In the trenches here. Good. Laura and I will just be here without our skates. Hang on. I have socks. We were forgotten. Laura and I were supposed to be skating. Yeah, we often get forgotten about. But Wood's got brand new skates. I mean, we can practice some off-skate stuff. Just getting in that position. I'm ready to do it. Woods gets a head start. Now, you have to imagine this building is a square building, and it's got a hallway that goes around it in a big, giant square. So, essentially, they're skating the inside ring of the building. And on one corner right now is Woods, and if you can picture exactly in the middle of the building is where Jay is. Now, Jay, I want to ask you a question. Even though you don't have a head start, do you still think you can win? I think I can win. Yeah, I feel pretty sure. Woods, from where you are, how do you feel? Terrible. I'm scared to death. He says terrible. I'm scared to death. He's probably faking. On your mark, get set, go. Woods is skating as fast as he can, and we had one of the derby dolls actually blocking Jay. I just saw Woods skate by, and Jay was hot on his tail. Here comes around the other side of the building. Here comes Jay. Oh, he almost fell, but he busted through the finish line. Here comes Woods.
Woods, come here, come here. What's your name? I'm Steely Jan. Steely Jan, you tried to help. I did. I tried to block Jay over there, tried to give Steve a little extra advantage. Still didn't help. No, he totally back-blocked me, fouled me like three times. Yeah, he ended up winning. Well, listen to Woods panting. He planted me in that wall over there. Did he? I mean planted, like this. Ah! Jay, how do you feel? I feel good. Pretty solid. He's fat. You're a little out of breath, Jay, I'll admit. Oh, man, I'm dying. That was rough. It could be worse. It could be bold. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. He's almost getting pantsed. He's almost getting pantsed by Jay. I'm going back in the studio. You just made him spill all of his orange juice woods. There's an M1 in the studio. Jay was on my back. He just grabbed him and he tried to drink orange juice. Jay was riding on my back. It was fun. It sounded like fun. It was terrible. Really? Oh, yeah. That was fantastic. Oh, my gosh. I mean, I had a 50-yard head start. He kicked the crap. He planted me in the wall.
I thought that you had a pretty good chance, Woods, because when you started, you looked kind of fast. I skate like an idiot. I need a biscuit. Hold on. Well, Woods is going to the biscuit. Oh, my gosh. I need some water. I know it. I need a biscuit. It was great. Hey, Jay. It's a cool down. Where did Jay go? It's a cool down. This is a cool down. He's got a cool down. Jay's just skating around. Look at him. He's a nerd. He's a dork. He's showing up. Stop it. Jay, you skate pretty good, pal. I'm going to wear these to work all the time. I know. You guys need something? Hold on. Yeah. He actually skated pretty good. For an old guy. For an old guy, he skated great. Old bald guy. There you go. Anything else? Jay, stop skating. I'm so mad at Jay today. I know. M1 Craig from San Diego. Are you there? Yes. Awesome. Hey, Jay won for you, man. He won for you. It's Craig. Craig. Craig. Craig. Craig, you're going to the Derby Dolls. That's right. Hang on the line.
Hang on the line. So your next bout is when? This Saturday. Yeah. So tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow here. Yeah. You guys travel? You guys go? Where do you guys go? We do. We travel all over the country to represent San Diego. So what other cities are there? And what other cities compete? Well, right now, this weekend, we're playing Bank Track Roller Derby. There's not a ton of leagues that play right now. So we play in Austin, Texas. We play in LA. We play up in Seattle. And then all over the world, there's Flat Track Roller Derby. Hawaii, we've been out to play Flat Track out there. Okay, so here in San Diego, you play against... teams that are here in San Diego? We actually have a team coming out from Denver. They're ranked number one on the flat track. We're ranked number one on the bank track, so it's a big battle of two number one teams this weekend. So you're going to see some of the best roller derby players in the country, arguably the world, playing tomorrow. Wow.
Age range. If somebody wants to get going in this, do they have to be a certain age in order to be able to play? We recruit at 18 plus. Okay. Women of all ages play. And then we recruit men as well, but for things like refereeing and staff positions. Right. And then we've got a juniors league. Okay. So we take kiddos too from 8 to 17. That's pretty rad. Get them groomed up to be derby dolls. You guys need me to come out and train anybody. If you need me to come out and lend my services, I'd be more than happy to. We can utilize anyone's clothes. Okay. All right. What do you wear? That's a nice way to put that. What do you wear when you compete? There's a whole variety of clothes that people wear. Most people will wear, like, we wear tight-fitted clothes because it's such a contact sport. Go on. You don't want anything. I didn't know if it was, like, jeans or, like, padding. No, no. Yeah, we do wear padding. Tall socks? Wrists, elbows, yep. Knees, helmets, mouth guard. Yeah, usually knee socks is sort of part of the look. Yeah. Usually we wear tights or fishnets to make sure you don't rip your skin open. Okay, so I'm going to write down the name. Steely Jan's here, right? And coincidentally, she's number 19. There you go. Okay, so Steely Jan. And what's your name again? I'm Isabel Ringer. I'm number 360. Isabel Ringer. And who else is with you? Slammeri, number seven. Slammeri. I love it. Slammeri. Genius.
Now, do you get to pick your names, or is that how it works? You do. You get to pick your name. Some people pick names that suit them, and some people just kind of grow into their name, but it's something that you pick early on. I've got my name. What, Woods? I've got my name. If I was going to do it, I would be the Biscitnator. The Biscitnator. The Biscitnator. Biscitnator. Yeah, I think that's well suited. Thank you. Okay, so out of all, I want to find out. We got Steely Jan. We got... Isabel Ringer? Did I get it right? Yeah, everyone calls me Ringer. Isabel Ringer, get it? Isabel Ringer. Isabel Ringer. Isabel Ringer. And Slammer Eye. Now, I want to know, of the three of you, who's like the toughest? Well, I think that we all have specialties. Steely would be the fastest and most agile of the three of us. Slammeri, I would call the most stealth. She's going to sneak up on you, never let you out of that pack. And I'd say I'm sort of the brute force. Now, what are the actual rules of the sport? So the game is played when there's no penalties going on. There are 10 people on the track total, five from each team.
Four are blockers, and one is the jammer. The jammer is the one racing around that circle that's your point scorer. Okay. Who's the jammer for you? You're the jammer? That's pretty rad. She's fast. She's agile. She's squirrelly. Can't touch that girl. Yeah. That's pretty rad. And do you guys have any, like, is there... It's not like you guys are holding on to something. No. So hands, arms, all of that's illegal. It's something that you use your body for. And people are always like, oh, well, you're not going to grab each other. What's going to happen? Here, why don't you stand up? I'll show you. Oh, boy. Woods, be careful. What we do is use our whole body. So our hips, our back, all of these are legal zones to hit someone with. Oh, you might want to take this off. Oh, gosh. All of those are legal zones to hit somebody with. So I'm going to put as much as my legal zone on them as I can to move them out of the way. I am afraid right now. those skates off, and he's six feet tall. I'm still scared for him. And these girls are just regular-sized girls. So I'm going to get up in his space a little bit. My back's legal. My butt's legal. And I'm going to pick him up. Oh, wow. You just picked up a dude. Holy cow. Oh, wow.
Now, what about your jammer? What would she be doing as you're doing that? What does she do? So I'm going to clear the way for her. Let's say he's an opponent. Each of us have four blockers out there on the track trying to mess with the other team's jammer. So if Steely wants to come up and pass him, I'm going to clear him out of the way. That was awesome. So that she can blaze through and start getting through to score points. On the first lap, the jammer just clears everybody. On the second lap, she's coming back to score. What would Slammer I be doing? Slim or I would be getting all stealth on him. She's the same thing. Yeah. Well, Woods almost requested a Kanye song right there. He almost requested a Kanye song. Wiener time. Okay. All right. All right, Jay. I have to see this. I have to see this. I got to go. Tomorrow night. I would love it. You're not going to have to wait long. It's going to be awesome. Tomorrow. Do you have much for tickets? Tickets are 15 or 20, 15 general admission, 20 for bleacher seats. They're selling online right now. There's limited tickets left, so buy them today. DerbyDolls.com. Click on San Diego Derby Dolls. There's a link to the tickets. DerbyDolls.com, San Diego Derby Dolls. Sienna, I could potentially be at the Del Mar Fairgrounds all day tomorrow. I'm already going to the Fred Hall thing, and then stay and watch the Derby Dolls. Just hang out. Yeah.
Just spend a whole day there? Yeah. It's a whole family event. You can bring kiddos. You can bring your grandma. People of every demographic. Oh, food, drinks. Yeah, everything. What kind of food? What are we talking about? Hot dogs and stuff? Like the Del Mar vendors, yeah. Like the, where they pull up one of those great little truck things. I can get, yeah, yeah. Maybe you can get your corn. The sausages and whatnot, yeah. I get sausages? I'm in. I'm in. I'm in for sure. How long is it? About is actually 60 minutes of play on the clock. 60 minutes of play. It takes about an hour and a half to play at the halftime. Here's what it takes me, too. You wish. Hey, I just raced for how long? What did you say that race took? 30 seconds. Yeah, 30 seconds. I'm sweating profusely. My legs are aching. And I'm exhausted. 60 minutes these girls go. I mean, and there's something in it for everybody. I mean, if you like to eat, there's plenty of food. If you like to drink, we do a party bus too. There's a party bus leaving at a Woodstock tomorrow. So go down to Woodstock so you can take the bus in. You don't even have to drive. I have a question. Yeah. If it were guys that were doing this, I would know the guys would have to wear a cup to protect, you know, because they don't want to get hit in the voice, you know. But I just noticed something. Yeah. And it's just an observation. Yeah.
Got boobies. You just noticed that? I was thinking sports bra. That's weird. That was the first thing I noticed when she walked in. Question. It's illegal, right, for girls to get you there. No. So anywhere below the collarbone, this is all fair game. Yeah, that's what I always say. This is all fair game. Jay! You can't hit anybody in the back. It's like having a German Shepherd. You're so brilliant, though. It's like having a German Shepherd and company comes over and the German Shepherd pees in the house. And you're like, I'm so sorry. We apologize for him. He doesn't usually do that. He doesn't usually do that, doesn't he? So they can hit you there? Oh, yeah. And some women will wear something that's sort of like a cup for women. Yeah. That's like a hard-shelled sports bra. So when you go to really hammer on one, it kind of hurts you a little bit. Yeah. Now, doesn't that hurt? Yeah. We do a lot of stuff that hurts. Wow.
You just push through. You know, you just sort of get used to it. You know what? My girls have babies. Guys don't understand. We have a higher threshold. They do. And I equate it like getting hit in the rocks, but maybe it isn't like getting hit in the rocks. If you get it in the right place, yeah, it sort of drills through your soul. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's pretty bad. Oh, wow. These chicks are tough, man. Yeah. All right. Well, girls, thank you for coming in. Ladies, this was pretty rad. Thank you so much for having us, you guys. That was fun. Sorry I let you all down. We still believe in you. I know. I'll get there from there. She had 60 pounds. Be right back out there. You're like shedding like one of yourself. Wow. When we come back, we've got to tell you about the guy in Texas that got into a gunfight over a burrito. Saggy. All right. Tonight's 8 o'clock album. The Ramones. Jared. End of the century. Our friend Jared possibly did the greatest portrait print of all time. You send him a photo, okay?
And he will turn said photo into a work of art. Like really a work of art. It's like an oil painting. People are in the studio right now. They're looking at this picture of The Mikey Show. Me, Lauren, Woods, CNN, and Jay. And what he did was he took a photo and he turned it into this beautiful oil painting looking thing. Well, he just did it again. It's a picture of L.O.B. With a man that will forever be known as Bobcat. Okay. And somehow Garrett Foster snuck his way into that photo too. He's in the background. He's like, but what's he like? But Bobcat was a guy that was attacked by a. Wolverine. A bobcat. A bobcat. He saved people's lives that were being attacked by a bobcat. Allegedly. Yes. No. He saved lives. He did. And he has the bobcat claw mark to prove it. And he was telling us about it. He was like, I was attacked by a bobcat. I saved people's lives. And it was pretty awesome. And then he proceeded to have 80 beers.
He also proceeded to yell at us as we were leaving, all of us walking silently into our car, sticks his head out the door. No? Come on! Never mind. He goes, we're walking down the street, me, Mike, our wives, and we're walking down the street. We don't know. We think we're gone. And we hear, out the door. He did. He's the greatest. He was wasted. He's the greatest. So he will forever be emblazoned. Oh, yeah. on this portrait print. If you want to get a portrait print, portraitprints.net. Jared's the best. He is awesome. M1 Scott is on the line. Scott, what was the word of the day? Bobcat. That is correct. Congratulations. Thank you very much. You got yourself a hoodie that's got little earphones in it.
to hook up to your iPod. And it's a rusty hoodie. It's pretty awesome. And also, we're giving you a four-pack of tickets to go to what we're going to this weekend, the ultimate outdoor experience, the Fred Hall ultimate outdoor experience. And you got Jack Dagger out there throwing knives. It's going to be awesome. Kids, this is so cool, man. You can go out there. They're going to have this little area where they're going to stock it with trout. You'll learn how to... Catch and release, fishing. It's awesome. It's really cool. So anyway, we're giving you tickets to that. And you've got to come pick the tickets up today. So hang on the line, okay? You got it. Thank you. You got it. Let's see. So this guy was at a, what, a burrito place? It was a very well-known taco place. What are some of the most well-known ones, Mike? Tell me, I don't necessarily know what they all are. Don't you? I don't. I don't. I don't know. What do I know? It might have ended in Berto. Maybe it did. I don't know. Well, this well-known taco place decided that they were going to be raising the price of their beefy crunch burrito by 50 cents. And this Texas man who walked into this restaurant was really upset over the raise in the price. I went to the drive-thru. I didn't go inside, man. Me and my baby.
I was here, baby. We went through the drive-through. I ain't going to pay that much. How much was it? It just says a 50 cent increase in the price. And we ain't going to walk in because it says no shirt, no shoes, and we ain't got neither. Ain't got neither on. What am I supposed to do? Hey, I want an order. Welcome to the taco stand. Can I take your order? Yeah, you can take my order. I want two of them tacos, but it says it's $1.50. I ain't paying that. Yes, sir. That would be $3 total. No way. $1. Don't honk your horn in here. It's really loud. It's really loud when you do that. We ain't paying no $3. We ain't going to pay $3 for it. But if you look on the menu, it's for one, it's $1.50. For two, it's $3. I don't want to pay that. Tell him we hang up on him. I can't hang up, baby. It's from the machine. That ain't no phone. What is it? It sounded like a phone buzzer. Kick it. Are you guys going to order? Hey, you shut up. Yeah, don't yell at my wife. I'll give you $2 for the two tacos. You're not at a flea market. You're at the taco stand. Take it or leave it. Take it or leave it, baby. I'll leave it. Hey, wait. Don't hit my horn, baby. Stop.
Blowing the horn in here, it's really loud. I want them tacos. I'll show them. I'll show them for you. I'll show them. If you give us the tacos for two bucks. I'm a homosexual, so it really does nothing for me. You show them, baby. I'll show you mine. It does nothing for me. We have a camera. I can see what you look like. You have three teeth, so no thanks. It don't matter how many teeth I have if you want to see my movie. He ain't got teeth on those. I don't want them. These ain't got teeth on them. You want to see them? Nope. Don't hit the horn, baby. Stop blowing the horn. Come on, we don't party. Don't hit the horn no more, baby. Yeah. Hey, baby. It's $3. Hey, baby. Open up one of them Schlitzes. Okay, yeah, give him one. Hey, we'll give you the Schlitz. There's a long line of people behind you. Let's shotgun. We'll shotgun a beer. What's your name, gay guy? Bryce. Bryce. Let's do a shotgun together. I am not shotgunning beer. Let's shotgun. Come on. I drink wine. Loosen up. Why don't you loosen up, Bryce? We got some sherry. We got sherry. Want some sherry? You want sherry? I just told you I'm homosexual. I don't like girls. Call sir. Hey, baby. Give him some tussin. You want some tussin? We got cough medicine. No, I want to go back to work and just do my job and get the hell out of here. You want some NyQuil? Hey, baby. Hey, baby. Hey, baby. Hey, baby. Kill me. Hey.
We'll give you a ham sandwich. I want a ham sandwich. Don't give him the expensive stuff. Give him the bologna. Give him the bologna sandwich. I want three dollars. Do you want this beefy, crunchy taco or not? Baby, do we want to buy it from Bryce or not? Well, I ain't paying. We're hitting the horn. I ain't paying no three dollars. Fine, forget it. You're not going to pay? Nope, we're going to. Get the hell out of line. We're getting out of line. Let me just tell you guys that this Texas man was so upset by the 50-cent raise in the beefy crunch burrito that he actually showed an air gun to the store manager. The cops came. They got into a gunfight. No one was hurt, but it took three hours, and he finally surrendered. Oh, wow. With an airsoft gun? He got in a fight with the police officers? No, he got an air gun, and then he showed a rifle and a pistol. Oh, boy. Welcome to Texas. He's got an arsenal. Three-hour standoff. Wow, over a taco. 50 cents. Over an eclair. Wait, Jay. Maybe Woods and I stopped going to the fast food place as much as we do. They're going to go out of business. Would business decline if you didn't stop going? There would be a board meeting somewhere and they'd be like, San Diego's just gone down to crap. Yeah, we don't know what's going on in San Diego. Got all these extra BLTs. Let me sell my stock in those companies first before that happens. Me and Woods just doing a...
Drive-through 12-step real good. Yeah, I'd like to call to this meeting of all of us people who don't want to go drive-throughs as much as we go to the drive-through. So I will begin the meeting by saying the following. Rarely have we seen a drive-through person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. This drive-through lane. Here we have three steps that we like to follow. Three steps. First, we admitted that we love drive-thrus. Second, we came to believe that maybe one day we would eat a salad. And so we made a decision to turn our cars into something that we go to work in. Who would like to share first? What's your name? My name's Bobby. Hi, Bobby. Hi, Bobby. Hi. I'm a fast foodaholic. Yeah. And I just moved here from Boston. Poor thing. And, you know, I've been hooked on the fast food now for about 14 years. 14 years. Yeah. You know, oftentimes I'll drive by and I'll feel the urge. Yeah. You know the urge. Yeah. And I have to jerk the wheel over to get in the line.
When I started 14 years ago, I was a cop. I lost my job on the FOSS. At that time, I was eating 400 pounds. 450. You're 450. So you've been at it a little bit longer. I've been at it longer. I remember when I started on the FOSS, I would eat one burger. Yeah. Just one burger. And now I'm up to seven burgers. Bless your heart. Bless your giant basketball site. Thank you for letting me share. And, you know, it's working. It's working so far. I'm Mike, and I'm a drive-thru. Hi, Mike. And I'm actually at a drive-thru right now. Hang on just a second. Number one with a Diet Coke. A Diet Coke. Mike? Yeah, it's Mike. Number one, that's it. That's it. Did you eat somewhere earlier? I'm at a thing. I'm at a meeting. I just want a number one. And? Not hello. Are you sure? I'm positive. Hey, you have to say, he wants it for his brother. Say that to him. Oh, did you want to get something for your brother too? Yes, for my brother. What would your brother like to order?
A number three. Number three for your. With a Coke. He likes Coke. I like diet. That's for your brother. Just ask him what his dad wants. Does your dad want anything? Yes. What does your dad want? A number two. So we got a number one. Extra cheese. A number three. Yeah. And a number two with extra cheese for your dad. My dad. Ask him if his mom wants a sundae today. Does your mom want a sundae or a milkshake or a hot apple pie? Uh-huh. All of the above? Yep. Okay. Thank you. $74. Thank you very much. $74. Oh, my God. I'm glad those days are over. Are they? Are they? I know why it's like a three-step. What? Because you're too lazy to do the 12-step. You know, Jay. Good one, Jay. Cuts deep, buddy. Whoa. Oh, boy. It's killing me. It's killing me. Ah! I thought of this five minutes ago and waited to practice. I wrote my line down. Do you know why it was a three-step? Remember earlier when you said, hey, this is a three-step program. Listen to this. Ready? I know why it was my 12th. Did you see?
By the way, on our Facebook page yesterday, if you're not on our Facebook page, please become part of the 12,000. We're up to 12,000 fans on our Facebook page. Facebook.com slash Mikey Show. Yesterday, this woman writes this long message, okay? And she says, you know, maybe you guys wouldn't get so much. guff thrown at you if you didn't give so much crap to Jay. And maybe you guys wouldn't have such a hard time with the comments that he makes if you didn't make those comments at Jay. And by the way, Jay is awesome and I love Jay and I think he's very funny. And maybe it's just me, but the crickets thing is getting a little old. And the first comment was from M1 Jesse and he said, it's just you. It's M1 V-Dub. He's the best. And after that, all of these messages came flooding in. Stop it. We love it. Stop it. Finally, Jay was like, it's okay. It's fine. I like it. It's all right. Thank you, Dorothy. It's all right. Everyone loves Jay. It was brilliant. And we were having to explain that we love Jay. Yeah.
Which we thought went without saying, but we had to actually explain it. It's not like he leaves here in tears every day. Maybe he does. I don't know. People carry him out on their shoulders. They yell at the rest of us. Yesterday, I went to, in this studio, we had something up on the TV, went to hit the TiVo back. Raise your hand if this has ever happened to you. Went to TiVo back. I was like, oh my gosh, I got to see that. And I hit the up. channel button. Anybody ever done that? All dudes. Mostly dudes. It was only dudes. We have fat fingers. That's why I need a dialing wand. A what? A dialing wand. Are you kidding me? Have you ever seen The Simpsons? No, I heard that on a drop. I've never seen it. Anyway, it's the worst thing in the world when you're trying to go back and you hit the... You feel... Like you've just lost every game that's ever been played. Yeah. And you can't get it back, and it's gone forever. Or your pet steps on the stupid remote. Happened to me. I paused a movie, and I'd gone to help Jasper or somebody with something. I came back, and the dog was looking out the window. And the remote was under his foot. I was like, come on.
I did it with, we rented one of those. It wasn't my TV and I don't know how they work. And for some reason, the guys were too lazy to get up. So they were like, Lauren, change the channel. Or I don't know what. TiVo back. Yeah, TiVo back. And it was a UFC fight. And instead I hit the live button. It took it forward to, I guess there's a series of fights. So it took it forward in that. fight was already over, and they were already declaring the winner on to the next fight. And I was like, oh my gosh. Everyone went, oh! At the same time, I was like, I don't know what I'm doing on TV! I do it all the time. All the time. There's a safety button, like on a gun. It's the record button. Yeah. If you want to be safe, if you want to have safe TiVo, hit the record button. Every time. Because then, no matter what, if you hit that channel up button on mistake, you're fine. You're going to be good. So, last night, your boy here is upstairs watching a movie called She's Out of My League. Oh, yeah. Who stars in that? Amanda Jones? No. I don't know. Mandy Moore? No, no. There's really... Amanda Bynes. No. Kelly Clarkson. No. There's this really... Oh, it's a new movie. There's this really hot girl, and she falls for this nerdy guy that works at TSA. It's pretty funny.
I record it and go do some business in the restroom. And I come back 30 minutes later. My wife has stopped the recording. Stopped the recording from downstairs to tape American Idol. Now, we have four DVRs in my home. She was taping four. She was taping me. CSI, Bones, freaking American Idol. I go and I sit down and I lay in a bed. I hit my movie. Six minutes of it recorded. She turned it off. In fairness to her, she thought she was married to a heterosexual man. She didn't know. She thought the button got pushed back. You can't really blame her. It's a good movie. Isn't it? We've talked about the same thing here, man. Rebecca gets mad at me because I want to tape two shows and she's got the Housewives of this, the Housewives of that, this dancing show, that dancing show. She has those recorded because you don't give her the remote when you guys are home. That's true. So she has to record them. So you can't get mad at your wives when they just want to watch a little TV because their husbands don't let us. We were in a separate room. Doesn't matter. And I got a question. Sienna, you tell me. You walk me through this and pretend Rebecca isn't listening even though you know she is. Okay. What do I do when I turn the TV on and I watch approximately 30 minutes to one hour of television per week? Okay?
Really? Yes. Man versus what? You don't watch any movies? I do when we have, like, last weekend we had a movie marathon, but you know me. You know. I don't watch TV. I watch an hour of TV, and it's usually Andrew Zimmer. I thought you were going to say a day. Oh, no! Okay. No, dude. During the week, zero hours of television. Zero hours. It's all iPad. All iPad, all the time. iPhone. iPhone, iPad, whatever. Macbook, desktop. So, question. What? If during the week or on the weekend, I turn the TV on and I'm watching something. Versus something else. Something versus something. Man versus wild. Man versus wild. Versus wild. Man versus food. And I'm watching something. And I go, okay, I'm going to change the channel. I'm going to watch this. And all of a sudden this message pops up on the screen that says, you have a conflict. You would like to tape the New Jersey house salutes of the Orange County. There's nothing wrong with that. Or the dancing clowns that are dancing on the clowns. Okay. And I'm like, are you kidding? Sometimes, by the way, it's the dirty housewives of New Jersey.
And the Dirty Housewives of Orange County want to tape at the same time. Okay. Fine. And I'm like, I can't change the channel. It makes me crazy. It's insane. I can't change the channel because girl shows are being taped. Do you just walk away or do you shoot something? I'd stop one. Yeah, I would too. And I'm a female. You're being held captive by this machine. You tell me. I understand where you're coming from and it has happened to me. What do you do? pause what you're doing and you call your wife and you tell her. She's all the way upstairs. I know. That's what I said. You call her on the phone because I know you're not going to walk upstairs. Text. Well, you stop and you text her. It takes two seconds. And you say, babe, one of these shows has to go. I'm trying to watch something. And I know your wife. And she would be totally fine. She would be like, oh, well, then get rid of that one. Yeah, I agree. Just let her choose because she's trying to watch them. But she'll let you watch. She doesn't say anything. Because she's a nice woman. She's nice. Yeah, she's nice. She chooses her battle. She chooses her battle. She would like the option to have all those shows at her disposal. But it's not going to make or break her if she doesn't get one of the housewives.
It would irritate me if I was watching one of the Housewives show and halfway through it, it just stops. Yeah. Let her choose. Like my six minute movie last night that I then had to go find on demand watching its entirety. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh, I thought you were a guy. I am. It's a guy movie. Yeah. It is. Yes, it is. Guy movie star Lindsay Lohan. It's not Lindsay Lohan. It's not Hilary Duff. It's the nerdy kid from Almost Famous. The guy that was a big Led Zeppelin fan. Yes. He's good. It's funny. Oh, my God. Speaking of movies, we got new movies coming up. So don't go anywhere. Let's make some noise in the studio for my live studio audience. Check it and see. Welcome to 4-0. It's nice to be back in the kiki room. Yeah, there you go. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, a baby dolphin has been saved after it was dumped in a rice field by the tsunami in Japan. That's unbelievable. It's the sweetest little thing. A man was walking along and saw this baby dolphin. Want to see the picture? Yes. It's really small. Just incredible. Look how sweet that little guy is. It's tiny. It's probably a foot long, the baby dolphin. And they found it. It was washed up about a mile off the coast. And they saved his life.
So I like to give the good stories from Japan. Read the last line. Don't. Read the last line. That I highlighted? No. What? Did they eat it? Yep. Quote. It says, quote, I don't know if it will live, but it's certainly a lot better than dying in a rice paddy. It's alive right now. As far as you know. It's in a vet. The vet has it. By vet, you mean a sushi counter. Tastes real good on a cracker. Why does it say baby don't be saved in the headline then? Save for later. Why does it say baby dolphin dipped in wasabi and soy? No! Also yesterday was the private burial for Elizabeth Taylor, who passed away earlier this week at the age of 79. It was held at the Forest Lawn Memorial Park, which is where Michael Jackson is. It was just private for her family and close friends. There's going to be a public memorial announced at a later date.
Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, there's some new information in the NFL situation with the union against the owners and the players, the whole thing. One thing they are insistent on, and when I say they, I mean the NFL Players Association and the owners, they are insistent that HGH testing will now be done for all NFL players. I was shocked to know that they hadn't done it already. So that's one of the things that they're talking about bringing in, and they said it's going to get done. I didn't know that they didn't test for HGH. I thought they did. Think any guys are on HGH in the NFL? I don't know. Yeah. Holy cow. Also, Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow has a new endorsement. What? Jockey. Jockey underwear? Jockey underwear. Oh, yeah, I did that. Of course you did, Jay. Yeah, I did it for like two or three years. It was me, it was Jim Palmer, and the old Orioles pitcher. Yeah, we did it. And George Washington. So, as you guys know, Tim Tebow is a very devout Christian, and he said, people may say it's underwear.
But everybody wears underwear. It's not like I'm doing something risque. Oh, please. It's not doing a nude layout. Exactly. I, for one, can't wait to see it. If I could, I would be modeling underwear. 100%. Oh, my gosh. An M1 is somebody that is fanatical about the Mikey show. An M1 is somebody that has... changed the Mount Rushmore to our faces, basically, in a tattoo on their back. An M1 is somebody that will carry my surfboard to the beach. Yeah. An M1 is someone that will save puppies on a Friday. Like I do. Because it's Friday. An M1 only does outdoor activities all weekend and then brags about it all Monday. Oh my gosh. An M1 is someone whose grandma will give them a million dollar bill and give their sister Wavy a booger. An M1.
Get some. I don't know. Can an M1 get some? Strange and uncomfortable. They can. Not really the defining way it was going. I think I totally get it. I think Shirley's going to write on FacePage right now. What's FacePage? Who's Shirley? Dorothy? Oh, is that the woman that defended Jay? No, I was talking about Shirley from What's Happening. Exactly. You did rock the rerun look for quite some time. That's true. Jimmy did. That hurt. Jimmy did. You are wearing a beret right now, so it's understandable. You're snapping your suspenders out of a nervous habit. And you're doing that crazy dance. I do have a name tag on that says Fred Berry. You're dribbling a basketball with one hand pointed behind you. I do have a best friend named Dwayne. And Raj. And Raj.
How about those glasses Rod used to rock? I love them. Horn rib. I love those. They were not horn rib. They were horn rib. They were those big, giant... Daddy Jesse Raphael. How do those not come back? They will. They will. Remember the glasses at the end of Casino that Robert De Niro wears? Big welder glasses? Those will come back. They probably will. Thank you Hash House, by the way. The best. Those biscuits are to die for. That is correct. New movies that are coming out today, Sienna? Two big ones. Sucker Punch is out today, and that has Abby Cornish, Emily Browning, Jon Hamm, Vanessa Hudgens. I want to see it. You do? You do. Yeah, I do. My brother really wants to see that, too. It's very fantasy, right? It says the film follows five girls who band together and try to escape that terrible fate that awaits them in reality and in the fantasy world they have created. Let's listen. I need to get out. I'm going to escape from here. There's armed guards everywhere. And if Luke finds out we're dead, we're already dead. It looks a little cartoon.
Zeppelin in the background, so I may be in. Follow five girls. Sounds right up my alley. All right. I think it's, like, from the preview I saw, looks based towards, like, teenage girls. Really? There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, that's how Jay's going. Creepy Uncle Jay. Did you say teenagers? Yeah, it would. You have teenagers, Jay. Hey. Oh, man. Don't you want to get in here? Is it going to be dark? I can buy your tickets, but you have to give me the money because I ain't paying. Because I'm cheap. Do you need a supervision? It's rated PG-13. Would you like someone to buy you? Wienertown. Put the hot dog in the bun. You had to see L.O.B.'s eyes roll off the side. That's what Jay does. It's so weird. Jay like... Yeah, he does.
Jay does. You tilt to do this head tilt. Poor girls. My head, Mike, when I... I tilt my head like that for all of the two. It's going to be the last thing you see. Get it. Curtains. I tilt my head like that when I slice skin. Ew. The other big movie out today is Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Roderick Rules. And the preview to that... It's so funny. It's like this big chubby kid singing, wake up in the morning feeling like, oh, it's the funniest. You guys haven't seen the preview? She's a seven-year-old at heart. Have you seen the preview? I haven't. I'm going to watch it. I just watched the other one. The preview's so funny. They are both kids at heart. When it comes to movies, they're both. I'm not going to go see Diary of a Windy Kid. Maybe if Jenna wants to go and then I'll go. If Jenna wants to go, I'll go.
Yes, I'll go. You have movie tickets sticking out of your purse right now that say Diary of a Wimpy Kid. You've already bought your popcorn. Advanced screening pass. It's a book series and Jenna reads the book so I know about it. The preview's funny. Why is your husband Todd standing next to you with a t-shirt on that has an arrow pointing towards you that says I'm with person that loves Diary of a Wimpy Kid? You guys, you'll see the preview and you'll know what I'm talking about. Why do you already have three? glasses on. That's right. Because I can't wait. Is it 3D? No. Enough with the 3D. Enough. Enough. Enough. Enough. Hey, you know how earlier I was talking about how I went to a prize fight, you know, and it was De La Hoya? That was the most money that I ever paid for tickets. I paid $2,500 for a pair of tickets. Wow. Gosh. And it was because I wanted to experience it with my dad. Yep. I wanted my dad and I to have this experience of going to this fight. And I will say it was pretty cool to experience that with my dad. Yeah. They weren't good seats, by the way. For $2,500? No. How defined? It was at the MGM Grand. It was De La Hoya versus Burt's Bees. I don't remember. I don't remember. Burt's Bees. Yeah, Burt's Bees. Sounds memorable. Burt's Bees. I know. I know. I don't even remember.
And the tickets were nowhere near the floor. Wow. They were in the, you know, stands. Floor, you know, ringside tickets were like $10,000. Oh, my gosh. A piece. Holy cow. Yeah, so guys that were, now, and we walked in, we were seeing, like, me and my dad were just looking around. It's like being in a museum because there was, like, you'd see Lakers walking around. Yeah. You'd see, you know, like, you'd see all these giant stars. And they would put them up on the big screen, you know, on the Jumbotron. They would put. The different celebrities that were there, people would clap. And it was pretty cool. That's awesome. Would you do it again? No way. Really? No way. It was, you know, it's so much money for... I'd pay for that experience with my dad. Oh, yeah. Heartbeat. But the outside of that, maybe... How many rounds? If it was a knockout, first round knockout, I would have been like... That happens, too. I think it was a decision, so it went all 10 rounds. See, that's good. At least you got some rounds out of it. You've seen some fights that are like 14 seconds long, and you're like... I will say this, though, man. When that thing was over, you've never seen two Mexicans walking faster than me and my dad to get out of that place. Oh, yeah. Was there a taco stand next to them? All right. Oh, wow. All right. Tommy Bahamas outlet. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody's drunk and pouring out of that place, and they just saw a fight, and they're all guys.
Ooh, that's a recipe for disaster. In Vegas. Oh, my gosh. In Vegas. Let's kill them. Yeah. You think there was any F-bombs dropped around that place? I was like, let's walk, Dad. Let's walk. Let's walk. Oh, my gosh. How about you guys? You guys ever pay? And if you're listening, 570-1949, what's the most you've ever paid for a ticket to an event? It could be a concert. It could be anything. Woodsy. Years ago, probably five years ago, six years ago, the police reunited. You know, the original lineup. Andy Summers, Stuart Coldhorn. You've been called over by them tons of times. Why was this one special? Was it like a ball that they were having? That was an expensive ticket. And it's happened so many times that Woods now reunites with them. Yeah. Cut his own handpails. Just make peace offerings with them. You're like, hey, it's time for the reunion, guys. Make some Rice Krispie Treats. You don't have a watch on, so don't look at your wrist. You're looking at your wrist. Fake watch. Anyway, the police reunited with Sting, Stuart Copeland, Andy Summers, and I loved them growing up. Loved them. And just always thought they were such a cool band and never got to see them, obviously. I was too young. Well, they reunited for a full-on police tour. And I was like, I told Jamie, we're going. She's like, absolutely, we're going. $200, a ticket. A ticket, and we were...
Third to last row in the American Airlines Center. They were this big. They were an inch. Yeah. We were looked. We stayed for about five songs. What? About five songs. Why? And left. Why? And left. Why? On the way into the arena, it was pouring rain. And so by the time we got in, you got to wait. You got to get in. I was drenched. Drenched. I had itchy butt from being in jeans. Itchy, wet butt. So I was like, this is great. I couldn't see them. It sounded like this. Terrible sound. Yeah, terrible sound. They weren't on. They didn't sound good. I go, that's it, dude. I go, let's go. She's like, yeah, fine. They were doing weird versions of their songs. Yeah, weird versions. I go, I hate you. I can't even listen to them really anymore. There is nothing worse than... Message in a bottle. Sing it so I can sing a lot. Yeah, you want to hear. And you want to be like.
It's like the mandolin version or something crazy. That was the Black Crows bit, dude. That's mine. I saw them. Same thing. Never mention the word addiction. And you're three seconds ahead of him trying to go addiction. In perfect company. That's not the song I know. Yep. When I saw the Crows, they played four songs for two and a half hours. They jammed. It was like seeing the dead. There was another concert. I was rocking in my chair. I was like Rain Man. I was like, get me out of here. I like the jamming as long as the melody stays the same when they sing the words. Weird that you like the jamming. Yeah, I like to dance like a hippie to it. I was just sucking down beers going, please get your songs. Please play your songs. Let's see. M1 Danny from San Diego. Are you there, Danny? Hey, what's up, Mikey? What's going on? I paid $800 for a... De La Oya-Pacquiao fight, and it was a horrible fight. De La Oya lost. It was a headache. $400 a ticket? $800 for my ticket, and it wasn't even in the front. Oh, my gosh. It was like halfway up. You went by yourself? With co-workers. Oh, my gosh. $800. And you were way out? Were you far away? Well, I was like halfway up. But, I mean, all the good seats were, I mean, no, it was a horrible seat.
Now, thanks for the call. I remember one time I was reading Maxim Magazine and they had this article about things as a guy that you have to experience once in your life. And it was real. And some of the things were... Super Bowl? Yeah, that was one. Super Bowl was one, which I've been to one Super Bowl. Wow. Way out. Me too. Second to last seat, you know, up in the rafters. And it was the one right after 9-11 where you two played halftime. Wow. So cool. Good one to go to. All the names of the victims and everything. Wow. Gotcha. So, but anyway, what was I saying? I forgot. You're reading Maxim magazine about him. Maxim said, you got to go into a cage with a shark. And you can. Oh, I would do that. You can do it. I would do that. You can do it. You can pay for it. I'll check him off. Out. You have to go to the Super Bowl. Out. I have never done, so out. But you would go. I would. Yeah. You have to skydive. Nope. Out. Come on, Woods. We'll do it. No. Hell no. I don't suggest it. I'm not coming. I do suggest it. Hurt your balls. Yeah, I'm out. I can't report on that. Okay. But one of the other things is it said. Hurt your balls. Real bad.
I believe it. That harness is like... When you pull the rope, when you pull the hoof, the paw, when you pull the string, the parachute deploys. I can see that. And he yanks you up. You're like, hey! And if you're chubby, and you have a six foot tall, big screaming white guy attached to your back. I know how that feels. White guy. Oh, white guy. Sorry. I've been skydiving before, tandem skydiving before. And my guy was probably about six feet tall, white, scrawny. Yeah, he was Australian. Oh my gosh. Yeah, sign me up for that. This guy, this was what the guy was doing. I've told the story, I was breaking up with, Rebecca broke up with me. All I wanted was to just be done with this thing. I just wanted it to end. I just wanted to hit the ground and get to a phone. It was a radio thing, right? You had to go. I had to go. You had to go. I wanted to just go drink and drunkenly call her and be like, take me back. And so the parachute deploys and he's holding a video camera to my face. And he's going, isn't this great? I was miserable. And my boys were aching from the harness.
Worst experience. What else is on the list? And then it said that the one thing, the number one thing that they said is worth trying to experience once in your life is being ringside at a title fight. Oh, yeah. To be incredible. I can't only imagine what it must have been like to have been ringside at a Tyson fight. Yeah, or like an Ali Frazier or something. Holy cow. In their prime. Yeah. Oh, man, that'd be so cool. It must have been awesome. I'll twist on it for you. live one. It's on iTunes if you want to buy it. If you want to find it, you just search V-O-M. Just type in V-O-M into your iTunes and you can download it. And it'll be my picture and it'll say Mike Esparza V-O-M and it's a Christian podcast. It's really great. I thought I was talking about that. I know you were. I was just being funny. I was just being mean to me. I was being a wiseacre. No.
Why is Acre? No. Garlic isn't going to make your breath stink anymore. Isn't it? They have some. It's garlic. It's a different kind. It's a different kind. Oh. Is it humanly manufactured? I'll tell you. Is it the Splenda of garlic? No. It's special. Is it Garlica? Is it Splenda? Splendarlic. It's garlic. It's a different kind. Splendlic. It's Splendlic. Garlda. Garlda. Make some noise in the studio. Did you get voicemail, Jay? Hockey. Yes, sir. You did? Yeah. So, Sienna's going to tell us, I guess there's a garlic that they have figured out will not give you garlic, brother. Yes. What is it? Some sort of human-engineered thing? It's black garlic. Hello, baby. I just call it garlic. It's made from white garlic, which is then fermented. And apparently, it's much better for you, too. It has, you know...
It has all the same good things like better for your cardiovascular system, natural sugars, amino acids, blah, blah, blah. But this one lasts on the shelf longer. It can be eaten raw without that burning sensation you get. No, you don't get the burning sensation. It has twice the amount of antioxidants. I'm eating it raw right now. And it doesn't make your breath stink. No way. Black garlic? I want to try it. Well, then it won't taste good if it doesn't make your breath stink, because that's what makes your breath stink. It actually says it's even sweeter, but it has all the same benefits to cooking that regular garlic has, but it's a little bit sweeter. It's the oils in garlic that stick. They coat your mouth, and you can't get them off. So maybe the oils are kind of... Tastes real good. They use it in beers. And beer? Yeah, it says that it's used in brewing to add flavor to the real ales. Gross. And beers that have like a multi-rich flavoring. Like hops. Disgusting. Hops. Garlic beer. There are, we had 20 guests in the studio today. And...
I want to know, I want to take a poll, because we see this a lot on Facebook. People tell us this. How often during your day does somebody mention something like a black jacket or something like that, and you go, hello, man? Everyone. Everybody. It's unanimous. Everyone. These guys. I constantly do it. Oh, yeah. To myself. Out loud. By myself. So does my wife. Like, we'll be driving somewhere, and we'll be having a conversation. Let's play blackjack. L-O-B. L-O-B. She just calls it Jack. Yeah. And I go, do we have any of that black electrical tape? L-O-B. Matt doesn't like it anymore. Oh, BS. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. You guys can all do it, but I've been doing it. You can't do it. He goes, you can't do it. I'm like, why? No, you're not allowed to do it to your boyfriend. He was totally in on it when it was like 95-year-old grandfathers or women or like tape. But when it's Kobe Bryant. As soon as I see a sharp black guy go by, he goes, you can't do that. And you may want to know that Lauren's boyfriend is not black. So maybe that would bother him. But you also need to know that Lauren...
finds black dudes irresistible. Yes. True statement. Not as irresistible as my boyfriend who is white. Yes. And says to you, look, I can make the joke. You can. Yes. It's a fair request. Fair request. That is a fair request. It's so fun to do though. It is. I constantly do it. I'll be in the store and I'll walk by Black Olives by myself and go, I love this. And it's like out loud. I'm like. What the hell's the matter with me? Sometimes I just text her and go, L-O-B. Yes. Because something happened. I know what it means. Yeah, she knows. I'm like, I know. My radar's on, too. So great. It's the best. The best, though, is when you do it. There's literally an 87-year-old black woman walking by our group as we're walking to lunch, and me or Mikey will go, L-O-B. It's the greatest. I love it. Let's see. Britney Spears says she does not own a cell phone. Don't believe it. Why? I don't believe that. She's in the new issue of Us Weekly, and she's talking about a lot of things, and one of the things is she doesn't own a cell phone. It's not true. Why not? Sounds good, not true. Yeah, SG&T. Because, L.O.B., everyone has a cell phone. Yes. Like, there are 90-year-old women.
That have cell phones. They're seven-year-old kids. My grandmother will be 93. She has a cell phone. She's got a cell phone. And a Facebook. I bet her bodyguard has one. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. You know, she has someone with her at all times. Her handler. You know, so they probably just deal with everything. Yeah, and she goes, give me my cell phone. And it's theirs. Her baby has a cell phone. Right. She doesn't technically have one. Yeah. Yeah, she doesn't have a cell phone under the name Britney Spears. Wouldn't it be nice to not have one? Oh, it would be so nice. I would love it. I would love it. Of course you both would. I would love to go back to the days of answering machines. No one could bother you. How do you people say that? If it would be great, throw yourself on the toilet. That's the only way you get a hold of me now. What I would want is a car phone. Because if something happened in the road, I would need help. Easy, Donald Trump. How long? You're fired. You know what I mean? I would like a car phone, but a cell phone, it's like they're tracking you everywhere you go and there's no escaping. People get fed up if you don't text back within like five minutes. Woods.
God, I hate that bit. Gosh. I like to leave mine in my purse, set it, and forget it. Just write me back. Check your phone every five minutes. It's not too much to ask. Have you ever had your phone be broken, though, and you didn't have it for like two days? Yeah. And at first you're like going nuts because your phone's not working, but then you're like, oh, wait, this is nice. And you're like, you guys do the plans. This is nice. Someone will find me. Do you guys here in the studio and as you're listening, do you guys have the friend that if you don't text them back right away, they get mad at you? Can I ask a question? Are you guys friends with Woods? Do you guys have the friend that you text important stuff to and then you don't hear back from him for 6, 7, 12 hours? Sometimes days, days at a time. Mikey takes naps for days. So he doesn't respond. Isolate that. I do. I do too. And when I wake up, I turn my phone on and I go, oh no. I'm scared now. Because I realize I got a text from Woods. And it was two hours ago, and he's probably pacing. Blasting cigs. Yeah, blasting cigs. Just mad. Furious. Same thing happens to me. A lot of times when we text you, though, Mike, it's like something important. So when you don't respond right away, it's like, oh, gosh, he's mad. And you don't like phone calls. You prefer a text. You hate phone calls. Now what do we do? Yep. I thought you didn't like phone calls. I don't. You don't like either. Don't call me. Don't call me. You better have a real good reason. When I call LOB.
I can see her through the phone going, God. That's not what happened. Ignore. No, this is what happened. Really? I just left the frigging office with this guy. It's on vibrate or the sound's off and it's just out of sight, out of mind. I got to answer. What does this idiot want? I have probably a series of five phone calls the last five times that I've called LLB and they're all straight to voicemail. Every time. Yeah. Every time. It's worse than straight to voicemail. You know what it is? Decline. You hear the phone ring. Yeah. Straight decline. No, no, no. I promise you. Not that guy. 87% of the time, I don't see it. Now, there have been times in the past where I have looked at it and specifically said, now's not a good time to talk to Mike. I'm at the end of a movie. What does that mean? Or I'm in the store. If I'm in the store, I'm not going to be rude to the... the person that's working at the register, and answer my phone. I'm just not. If I'm out to dinner with someone else, I'm just not going to answer my phone. Lauren, do you realize that white thing that you have in your hand has been both in my pants and Wood's pants? Yes. That is a true statement. Just pointing that out. Where it was. They don't wear underwear either. Yeah, and you had no underwear on. I was trying to make a point to Mike, and he wouldn't look at me. I was trying to find texts from you.
It's a white tail she was holding. It's my husky tail. Yes, I'm husky. Husky, husky. Sienna is a good phone friend. I am? Yeah, I think so. What? I thought she was the same as me. When I call Sienna most of the time... You'll do the pickup? Yeah. And if I don't, I'll call you right back. I don't get the pickup from Sienna. Yeah. No, every now and then. Like one out of three maybe. No, but I always call you right back. It's because I always have my phone on side because of the baby. You didn't call me the other day. Same with me. You didn't leave me a message. Yeah, you guys don't leave messages. If you call and don't leave a message, I think it's not urgent. I assume that you just wanted to hear my pretty voice and you got it from my voicemail. I need a message. You're like satiated. Yeah. Well, I don't leave voicemails. If there's no voicemail, I won't call back. Me neither. That's my rule too. Oh, I got one for everybody listening and everybody in the room. How about this one? It's a nightmare. Are you this person, or you know this person, the person who refuses to leave a voicemail, but what was worse than that is the person that doesn't listen to your voicemails? That's me. I'm that exact person. Okay, let's talk, because a lot of hands in our studio went up, and that means there's a lot of you monsters listening. Yes, we're all monsters. I do that. Those of you that do not listen to voicemails, you call us back.
And we go, did you hear that? Nope. No. No. Okay, well, let me read War and Peace again then. My mom says this to me once a week. Let me tell you the entire thing that I just... The four-minute message. I think I want to just say, call me back. Listen to your voicemail, call me back. Just text me because... That's the way that it's going to get through to me. If you leave a voicemail, it's now registered, okay, that's an important call. I'm not going to listen to what the voicemail said, but they left one, so I need to call them. Why don't you just text me with what the deets of this new phone call is going to be about? Yeah, call. If they don't answer and you really need to talk to them, send them a quick text. Text what the nature of the call will be. Voicemail is annoying. That's so stalking. You're stalking me. In the last year, I've never listened. You're a predator. In the last year, this is a true statement. I've never listened to a full message. Me neither. I listened to a couple seconds and I'm done with it. Maybe not the last year. They should take it off my phone.
Me too. Take voicemail off my phone. Don't eat it. Just put the callback feature. Raise your hand in the studio if you would be okay with the option of voicemail being taken off your phone. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. Take it off. Oh my gosh, there's a lot of people. Take that ass off. Sometimes you get a really golden voicemail that you need to share with people. Listen to this voicemail. Guys, I'm shocked. Half of the room, including everybody here on the Mikey Show. Half the room raised their hand and said, I don't even want people to be able to leave me a voicemail. Yep. Scoreboard doesn't lie. I think about, like, my dad or my grandparents that can't do the text yet. But a callback feature. There should be a callback feature that then, like, pages you and is like, you need to call this person back. It is. It says, this person called you. Then you look at it and you go, I'm going to call that person right back. Sometimes I don't see my missed calls. Send me a text. You're crazy. It comes up on your little exit. I'll teach you how to do it five minutes. Not if I'm out of the service area. That's a bit. 570-1949 is our number. Let us know what you think about this. Oh, yeah. Wait till I tell you the latest. And I shouldn't laugh because when my wife told me this, and she would bust me. She'd be like, you sure didn't think it was that funny when I brought it up the other day. She went online and purchased something.
In my mind, I thought, oh, wow, oh, wow, oh, wow, oh, wow. But I was like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And I just acted normal, like everything was perfectly normal, perfectly fine. We'll tell you what it is. L.O.B. wants one. Jason Isbell. That's a true story. This is Jason Isbell. Yeah. I had no idea. The song's called Streetlights. It's very good. I'm going to give you a movie scene. She don't act like she needs me now. She don't even seem to be upset. Maybe I cover too much ground. It's about a girl that relocated to a little small town in Arizona. And by small town, I mean like 2,000 people. She used to work on Wall Street.
Something happened. I haven't figured it out yet. Something happened made her want to move back to, or made her want to move to someplace where no one would know where she is. Not criminal. Just wanted to get away. She was selling her soul in her career is what she was doing. Yeah. She didn't want to do that. Yeah. So she took her son, who's nine. He's four. Four. Okay, fine. Wow. I'll go with that. I can work with that. He's four. And they moved to this little tiny, podunk town in Arizona. And she meets her neighbor and she thinks he's really rude. He's blind. She falls in love with him. I did not see that coming. Neither did he. Well done, Mike. Thanks. That's amazing. They blindsided her. You got to see L.O.B. You got to get a camera on her the whole time. Tonight's 8 o'clock album is the Ramones. End of the century. So my wife. Oh, wait. Oh, wait. Before we get to the story. A lot of people are calling about this voicemail thing.
M1 Jesse from San Diego. So does anyone else get charged when they check their voicemail? I get charged every time I check my voicemail. And so I'll wait until, I guess, after 9 o'clock. And on the weekends, I don't get charged. I have a general Verizon plan. So I'll wait until the weekend to check my messages. I'll have, like, five messages. And I just don't see the point. Like, why can't everyone have texting now? So just text me if it's... That important. I can't believe they charge you for a voicemail. That's insane. Oh my gosh. I would text that person back and be like, you're not worth my dollar. Yeah. You know damn well you ain't worth my dollar. That's right. I mean, I ain't paying 10 cents for that voicemail. A dollar isn't that much. Isn't it? It adds up. It sure is. That's five dollars for just listening to five messages. We're probably just like... Hi, call me back. Oh, my gosh. That's a week's worth of groceries, a dollar. Yeah, it is. A week's worth. Maybe that's the way they're moving. Yeah, probably is. Hey, thanks for the call. I appreciate it, Jesse. And one joker face from San Diego. Yeah, my wife is horrible with the whole voicemail thing. She'll not listen to her voicemails, and then her voicemail box will get all backed up. That's the worst. When I hear...
The voicemail box you're calling is full. Oh, that's a good bit. I should just let mine fill up so people can't leave messages. Oh, that is good. I've thought about that before. I checked her voicemail for her the other day because we're on a road trip. She had 17 saved voicemails on her voicemail box. Oh, wow. Yeah. I think voicemail is ridiculous. They should just do away with it. Do away with it. Text messaging is for sure the way to go. I want to know what the message is, though. I like to know what the message is. You know, there's nothing better than when you are dating someone and it just begins. And you get a voice smell from them. And you're like, oh my gosh, what did they say? And you listen and you hear their voice. That's true. Oh, shoot. I love that. I was at the mall yesterday. And while Rebecca was shopping, I, like a 90-year-old man, wanted to sit on the chairs that they have out in the middle there. You know, where the chairs are all in a circle. You just call that a food court. What did you have, Tubby? Yeah. What did you get? Did you gorge yourself? Probably easier for me to ask what you didn't get. Let me guess, broccoli. Salad. Salad. Greens. Squash. Don't think so. Anything healthy. How many Cinnabons did you get? What did you have at the bottom of that sundae you was eating? And don't lie, Mike. You know you weren't able to sit on a recliner.
Chris made Mike's plate earlier for Hash House was in here. Oh, wow. I'm saying it. I'm saying it. What? So Hash House brings us food and it's amazing. And they have banana pancakes and eggs and biscuits and fruit. And they brought us everything. And Chris usually, you know, because Mike's busy. Chris, our phone screener, will go make Mike's plate. And he says, Mike, what do you want on your plate? Everything but fruit? No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. It was worse than that. It was, it was, he knew it already. He was just confirming it. No fruit, right? So he goes, yeah. No fruit, right? He goes, everything but fruit, right? Oh, my God. And I was like, um, yeah, yeah. I died. Wow. It was brilliant. Anything but fruit, right? Sienna laughed so hard. The one healthy thing Mike didn't want. No, hey, Chris, Chris. No fruit on that. I would have heard that. Get extra biscuit. Everything half fat, right, Mac? That's the way you roll. High fat. Oh, my gosh. It's late. It's 9.55. It's so late. Oh, my goodness. I'm so sorry. We'll talk about Rebecca on Monday. Yeah, we have to. We've got to tell the story. It's worth it. But we've got to go. 5701949. Anybody got anything going on this weekend?
Sienna does. On Sunday, I'm going to be at the Hard Rock Hotel with the Bridal Bar for a wedding show at noon. It goes on from noon to 5, and it's going to be really fun at the Hard Rock Hotel downtown. So come. You can join us up at Big Bear thanks to the San Diego County Scion dealers in Bex USA. There you go. Go ahead. Tomorrow I will be here locally at Vertical Hold in Miramar. It's a rock climbing place from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. There's going to be climbing, raffles, a health and wellness fair, arts and crafts for the kids. And go to my blog if you want to donate, but you can't make it. And I just really quickly wanted to thank Bear for the awesome painting that he brought me. That really made my day. Thank you so much. That's very cool. HPD. And I will be speaking at... I almost read yours. I'll be... I will be speaking on Sunday morning? Yeah, Sunday morning. On Burgundy? Sunday morning? I'm speaking on Sunday. At Phoenix House in Descanso. Beginning the long version of what I tell you here on Fridays at the end of the show. It's my story. My history. And my story is that when I was young, when I was a kid,
I was sexually abused as a kid. I was five years old. Didn't have a way to process it. And I didn't think about it until I was about 18. And I mean it. I really didn't think about it. In fact, as I say it now, there may be some of you that maybe are hearing my testimony for the first time and you may even think to yourself that that's been something in your past that you don't think about. Here was the problem. developed a real low sense of self-esteem because of it. And other stuff in my life led to me having this overall sense of just feeling worthless. I've thought about writing. I love to write. And one day, I'd like to tell my story. And it would probably, that's what it would be called. Worthless. Story changed, but that's how it started. I felt worthless and I always felt ugly.
Always felt outcast and different. I wasn't bullied, but I did feel like I wasn't like everybody else. And part of it was because of the way that my brain was wired. I isolated. And then when I got into my 20s, I started to drink and I felt like I wasn't as inhibited. And that was a good feeling because, you know, for one of the first times in my life, I was like, oh, wow. I feel like I can kind of come out of my shell. And that was a big problem. Because even though I felt like I could come out of my shell, I was drinking so much that I was becoming addicted to it. And at one point in my life, I would try anything to feel better. I've been addicted to drugs. I've been addicted to alcohol. I've been addicted to porno. I've been...
In a place where I had an eating disorder. Man, that is tough to tell. I hate telling that one. It's embarrassing. That led to low self-esteem. That led to me feeling bad about me. And I was really angry. And you hear me say that anger is hurt, sadness, and fear. If you're angry, you're hurt or you're sad or you're fearful. and I had all those emotions inside of me, and it made me an angry guy. And I tried to stop those feelings and stop those emotions by drinking or doing anything. And in 2003, I was completely addicted to alcohol. On a Sunday night, I think it was a Sunday night, because I want to say I went to work the next day, I was staring at the ceiling, and I could see the little red light from the battery on the smoke alarm, and I was staring at it.
I knew that very soon, like within the next few years, that if I kept drinking the way that I was, I mean every day, massive amounts of alcohol, until that point I would throw up and then I'd have to drink again. I'd have to drink in the morning to stop my hands from shaking. And I knew I was going to die because it was having an effect on my esophagus. And I gave up. And I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. And I asked Him to come into my life and change me. And it was this slow process, but he did. And he changed my life. He took me from this guy that was just, that's what I used to be. I was a bad dude, man. I did a lot of bad stuff. I was evil. I tried to hurt people. Really bad, I tried to hurt people. I used people. I attacked people. And he changed my heart. He changed my heart. And he made me into somebody that didn't want to do that.
He made me into somebody that when I did that, I felt convicted about it. If you're addicted to alcohol or you have any kind of eating disorder, you find yourself addicted to pornography or any of that stuff that I've talked about, go to Mikey show.com. And on the top of the page, you can click on the word help and you can find help and resources there. And I also have a Christian podcast that I do on iTunes and it's called VOM. And if you just search VOM on iTunes, you can find that podcast. You'll see a picture of me. At the end of the show, I play a song that the lyrics mean something and may mean something to you. Today, I'll play this song by Red. It's called Not Alone. And that's the feeling that I have inside of me now. That no matter what happens in my life, I'm not alone. And if you've ever felt alone. I want you to know that through Jesus Christ, you don't have to feel that way.