The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 03/28/11
Monday, March 28, 2011
college basketball upsetdangerous exotic petssailing disasterthoughtful relationshipsparenting mishapsocial media and childrendating etiquette911 hoaxemergency preparednessvcucobrasailing
Woods celebrated VCU and Shaka Smart's improbable Final Four run, while Mikey supplied the day's wildest stories: an illegal cobra owner's destroyed thumb and Jeremy wrecking a borrowed sailboat during a date with Heather. Animal rescuer Tim Harrison argued that dangerously lax exotic-pet rules put the public and the animals at risk, and Sienna covered both Facebook's effect on lonely children and a fake 911 confession that sent SWAT to an innocent home. The most personal bits centered on care and attention: Todd remembered exactly how Sienna seasons black beans, while Rebecca endured a filthy-bathroom fiasco with Luke and later built a serious emergency kit for her family. The crew also turned ordinary relationship questions and a can of bathroom spray into extended arguments about commitment, embarrassment, and dating deal-breakers.
What happened, in order
VCU's impossible Final Four run
Woods recapped 11-seed VCU's upset of Kansas, while the crew marveled at coach Shaka Smart motivating the Rams with clips of analysts insisting they could not win.
The cobra bite and the spatulas
Mikey told how an illegal cobra owner refused the hospital, bit through spatulas from the pain, and finally lost his thumb after the venom destroyed the bone.
Jeremy's shipwrecked date
Jeremy pretended he knew how to sail to impress Heather, packed an elaborate picnic, crashed the borrowed boat into the Coronado Bridge, and had to be rescued by the Coast Guard.
Todd noticed the black beans
Sienna was touched when Todd served her black beans with cayenne and hot sauce exactly as she likes them, proving he had quietly paid attention.
Deadly pets sold to anyone
Animal rescuer Tim Harrison described capturing loose cobras and warned that lax rules let amateurs buy deadly snakes, including a Gaboon viper that two small boys innocently wore around their necks.
Rebecca's birthday-party ordeal
Rebecca arrived at a children's party desperate for a bathroom, found two unusably filthy toilets, fled outside with Luke, chased him with her pants down, and returned to the party as if nothing had happened.
Facebook depression
Sienna explained a pediatrician's warning that rejected friend requests and visible popularity online can make lonely children feel even worse than sitting alone in a cafeteria.
When does dating become official?
Woods and the crew debated how to define a relationship after four dates, rejecting a magic number and offering several awkward ways to ask whether someone is now a girlfriend.
The Glade deal-breaker
The crew argued over whether a can of Glade on a woman's toilet was a legitimate dating deal-breaker or merely an ordinary attempt to keep a bathroom smelling pleasant.
The fake 911 confession
Sienna played a hoax call in which a man calling himself Christopher claimed to have killed Jennifer, triggering a three-hour SWAT response at an innocent couple's real address.
Rebecca builds a disaster kit
Rebecca explained that Japan's crisis pushed her to assemble water, food, first aid, tools, blankets, and other supplies for Mikey and their three children in case local services fail.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsShaka SmartJeremyHeatherSiennaToddTim HarrisonRebeccaLukeChristopherJennifer
28,652 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Welcome to Monday. It's the Mikey Show. And you can call us right now. 570-1949. Or text 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm the host of the show. My name is Mikey. Or Mike. I respond to either. Miguel. I do not respond. I don't respond to Michael, Miguel. I respond to Mike or Mikey. Miguelito. No, my mom calls me Miguelito. Yeah? And my dad will call me Miguel. That's so rad. I'll answer the phone and my dad will go, Miguel. That is a perfect dad. That is a perfect imitation of my father. That's exactly what he sounds like. Miguel. Miguel. Just like this. Miguel. Miguel.
That's it. That's it. You got it perfectly. I'll be pranking you. That's the exact inflection, the exact way he does it the same every single time. Miguel. Miguel. Miguel. Miguel. Yeah, that's it. I may have gone to his house on Saturday for some cocido. May have, or every Sunday. What is that? Very Mexican soup, Jay. It's very Mexican. Is that with the corn on the cob in there? Yes. Yeah, it's good stuff. Look at you. Oh, yeah. You know cocido? I've had it. How? How? Remember, I was sick one day, and we have the Mexican place downstairs, and I was like, Mike, what kind of soup is good? And he said, oh, the cocido. They had cocido? And I pulled out an entire corn on the cob out of the bowl full intact. Wow. What Mexican place are we talking? A portal. They've got cocido? Yeah, it was pretty good. I'm getting it. A hundred. You're going to get it this morning. Oh, my gosh. It's so good. It's so cheap. It's good. It's the cheapest soup. It's just a bunch of stuff they throw into a bucket and boil it. Sounds good. So I'm Mike. I'm the host of the show. I do not part my hair in the middle because it's shaved head. There's no hair there. Nothing at all. Nothing at all.
Woodsy is our sports guy. He's 35 years of age. Went up to Big Bear this weekend. We did. Yes. Had a blast. Let me tell you. I couldn't believe, couldn't believe the text that I got from Woods that they had made it up there. No problems. I mean, on Friday, it was pouring rain. Pouring. Yeah. It was pouring rain. It was gray skies. And I thought, if it's like this here, what must it be like up at Big Bear? It must be dumping. And they said, nope, it was fine. Easy to get up there. No issues. There were still cars that had had trouble, though, up and off the road when it slid off. But the sun had come out and just baked the road really quick and all the snow melted. I followed Jay and it was like, piece of cake. Wow, look at you guys. Piece of cake. Lauren O'Brien is the cute blonde with the Amelia Earhart jacket on. She's got blue eyes, blonde hair. She's 30 years of age. Could audition for the role of a 19-year-old. Thank you. And get away with it. Yeah, for sure. Much like Ralph Macchio. Yeah, like Ralph Macchio. Still could get the role of a 19-year-old. Much like Ralph Macchio. Sienna is our news girl. She's 25 years old. She always smells good. Her hair, I will often go, what smells good? And she's like, oh, it's a shampoo. And I'll go, yeah.
It always is different all the time, though. That's good. Whatever's in the shower. Jay is our producer. He is growing his hair back. He had shaved it at one point, but he's growing it back. He's 47. Not really sure if I'm growing it back. It's not all growing back, I'll tell you that much. Well, you haven't cut it since you shaved it off. My wife is letting me. She just wants to figure out where the spot permit is. Got it. And our phone screener today is Chris. It's Chris! An M1 is you, the listener. If you are an M1, you're a part of M1 Nation. An M1 is an exclusive Mikey Show listener. You listen for a long period of time, and you're into it, man. You're fanatical about the Mikey Show. You'll get a giant tattoo on your back that says, Yeah. Because you are an M1 and Wood says git. You will, even if you're a guy, buy a leather jacket that looks like Amelia Earhart wore it just to pay homage to LOB. You will eat cocida en menudo en la mañana just because you want to be like...
Miguel. Yeah, Miguel. When you meet someone named Chris, you say, That's cross! Because that's what we say for our phone screen. Right. If you go to a Denny's and the server says, How do you like your coffee? And someone says, Black. You go, Hello, Bree. Hello, Bree. Because you like the Mikey show. Yep. If you're an M1, you need my chicken. I need my chicken. Need my chicken. That doesn't... Need my chicken! It doesn't really say, though. We don't really use that. It's not one of our big catchphrases. It's not one of our big catchphrases. Need my chicken. I got a tweet from a black man. You did? You just call it a tweet. Well, it was a mention, or a reply, whatever you want to call it. Why? Because you wrote to him first? No, I didn't write him. Did you? He wrote at Mikey Show Lauren, and it said, every time I look in the mirror, I say, hello, boo. That's pretty funny. That's pretty funny. That's incredible. That's hysterical. Isn't that great? Anytime I look in the mirror.
He's just getting ready. He goes, hello, baby. And then walks up. I'm dying. He's brushing his teeth. Hello, baby. So awesome. He's had a couple of pops. He's at the urinal. Hello, baby. Oh, my gosh. Just looks in the rearview mirror to check out traffic. Hello, baby. So great. Maybe the greatest thing I've ever heard. I know. It was great. The word of the day today is cantina. The word of the day today is cantina. Very sly. All right. And when you hear me say cantina. sometime between now and 10, be calling 9, and I'll give you a four-pack of tickets to the Good Guys Car Show, which is always rad, out at Del Mar, and also give you a pair of tickets to see that new Matthew McConaughey joint called The Lincoln Lawyer. Heard it's so good. Yeah, I heard it's good. And we'll also throw in a backstage pass to the Mikey Show. So, good prize today for that.
And then at 8 o'clock, we're going to be doing L.O.B. plays Pop Culture Trivia. Now, this is going to be a first time for this. And see, the deal is that L.O.B. only recently got a television. Yes. Still no cable, though. No cable. No cable on the TV. But a nice TV to play movies on. Yeah. You know, you just plug your computer into it. Or a DVD player. Or a DVD player. But no television. And she also does not have a subscription to the San Diego Union Tribune. No. And so when it comes to pop culture and things that are happening in pop culture, and she was honest with me about it when I very first interviewed her. I said, what do you know about pop culture? She's like, not very much. I don't really pay attention. She would definitely be that grandmother that goes, what is that? I know more than I thought I knew, though, because of being on the Mikey show. Yeah. Well, here's the thing. We're going to be testing her pop culture prowess at eight. Sienna's going to give her some stories, and she's got to tell us. She's going to give her some headlines. And L.O.B. will have to decide, sure or false. All right? It's coming up.
The final four is set. We are set. Who do we got? Dude. Well, you got Kentucky and UConn, which was a three and a four. And then who would have ever imagined Virginia Commonwealth University is in the final four after beating Kansas. They were an 11 seed. They were one of the first four. They were the first four games that the first four teams had to play in. Yeah, they're in the final four against Butler, who's an eight. So you have an eight against an 11. Virginia Commonwealth. VCU. VCU. The Rams. You've got to know them, right, LOB? Yeah. I know. Yeah, they're a couple hours south of where I went to school. You went to school at James Madison? At James Madison. Yeah. In Virginia. Wow, how about that? VCU. You would expect them to make it to the first round of the tournament and then be like, oh, good for them. They made it there. Oh, sweet. They did not even watch the selection show because they didn't think they were going to get invited. Oh, wow. They didn't even watch it. They were like, we're not going to get it. And then they've gotten in. They've won five games. Listen to them. This is the last few seconds of the game. Rebound read. We're down to three in the corner at three. Up and no good. One. The buzzer sounds. One of the last teams to get selected into the NCAA tournament.
The VCU Rams have just knocked out the last remaining number one. Oh, my gosh. It was so awesome. It's insane. It's crazy. It was so awesome to watch. So who are they playing now? So now you've got VCU taking on Butler. So they were an eight seed. VCU was an 11. And then you've got Kentucky taking on UConn, which is another great game. Dude, so cool. And I guarantee their admissions next year is going to triple. Go through the roof, right? Oh, yeah. Wow. Their coach, they're already talking about him leaving to go to a big-time program. Nobody had ever even heard of this guy before. Well, he's obviously a good motivator. He knows what he's doing. He put in the locker room, he put in a screen, and it had video of all these big-time analysts saying, oh, wait, no way, no way they can win. Kansas wins, Kansas wins. And so they watched it before the game. That's so great. And they went out on the field. They're like, all right, here we go. That is so great. That is cool. So cool. I just spent most of my weekend watching all the women's NCAA tournament that I'd been TiVo-ing. It's my chance to be able to catch up on all the women's NCAA tournament. And just kind of, you know. Just lose yourself in it. Just lose myself in it. And just really enjoy it. And set aside eight hours. Right. You know, to just watch. You have to. You have to. Right. To watch, you know. Now.
Unfortunately, I'm already out of it in my women's NCAA brackets. Busted it? Right. It's already done. That's the worst. I'm sorry. You did so well last year. Yeah. Yeah, last year I went pretty far with the Gavilan College women's basketball program going as far as they did. Don't you usually fly to Vegas for this? Yeah. Yeah. Usually me and my girlfriends fly out there. By girlfriends, I mean my friends that are girls that used to play. Just a girls' trip. It's a girls' trip. We go out there, mani-pedis, and just watch the tournament at Caesar's Sportsbook. How nice. It's pretty awesome. Lovely. Yeah. Let's see. Lots of stuff to tell you about. Radioactive water from Japan. Maybe going into the ocean. Great. Uh-huh. Super. Just wonderful. And then also, how about that crazy, wacky, missing cobra from the Bronx Zoo? Okay. Deadly. Tell you all about it.
A boat capsized in San Diego over the weekend. It made national headlines. Yeah, this is a really crazy, sad story. This happened last night at Shelter Island just after 5 p.m. Two men died and seven people were injured after their sailboat capsized. Now, three out of the nine people were children between the ages of 10 and 12. Now, they are among the injured and at the hospital right now. They're saying in stable condition. But the Harbor Police received an emergency call. last night that the sailboat had capsized off Shelter Island, a 25-foot sailboat, and two of the men that died were in their 50s or 60s. That's what they're saying. No names have been released. But it wasn't due to the weather. The weather was calm, no strong winds, so police are trying to determine what caused the accident. Actually, last night there were divers in the water late at night examining the sunken boat to try to see if there were any clues there, but just a sad, sad story that's a national story right now because it was just, I mean, we don't know what happened. Yeah. It's so sad. Yeah. But, you know, things like that will happen. And it's at least those kids are alive. Yeah. Kids are, you know, are alive. Yeah. All right. So this radioactive water. Now, this is.
This was the one thing that I took some some comfort in, you know, because when we were talking about, oh, radioactivity has showed up in all these different states in California and Oregon and Washington state. And it showed up in Orange County, you know, small traces. And they were saying it was just the smallest of traces of radioactivity. I was like. Well, at least the water, the ocean water, isn't washing up against all this radioactive stuff and then going out to sea. What we're talking about is radioactive stuff in the atmosphere, in the air. Well, not anymore? Is that the deal? Well... I mean, the more I read about this kind of stuff, the more I'm reminded of BP and them saying, oh, it's fixed. No, it's not. Oh, it'll be fixed by this week. Oh, no, it's not. You know, they keep saying it's getting better. Now it's getting worse. Well, early this morning in Japan, they said that radioactive water from the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant has been leaking, may have been leaking into the ocean. Higher levels of radiation have been found in the ocean about a mile further north from the site than before. So in this water.
or a mile away from the site, there wasn't radiation spotted there. Now there is. So, you know, something's getting into the water. Now they have to figure out how. Now this has been, we're going into the third week since the crisis happened. Workers are today resuming pumping out the hundreds of tons of radiation and radioactive water inside several buildings of the plant. Now they're saying the water has to be removed and safely stored before work can continue. power up the plant's cooling system so it's just you know the contaminated water was discovered last thursday now there's you know possible radioactivity in the ocean in the air as well you know because that's what happens and it's i mean you just you only hope it gets better if you drop your uh cell phone in the toilet the thing that you're supposed to do is stick it in a bag of rice so maybe we just dump gajillions of pounds of rice into the water, let it soak up all the bad stuff, and then, you know, then feast. Yeah. I mean, I'm just trying to think of the good, and maybe the good is that they've discovered it in the water. Yeah, maybe they could do something. You know, now they know it's there, so hopefully something can be done. You just sprinkle some nuke, be gone.
Yes. Into the water. That'll work. Remember the stuff when somebody would get sick in elementary school that they would sprinkle? Yeah. Like sawdust. Yeah, like the sawdust. Kitty litter. Kitty litter. Kitty litter. Or some new product, you know, like OxyClean. Right. You know? Takes away everything. Yeah. I think newspaper. Even nuclear radiation. Lay some newspaper down. Newspaper would probably be the trick. You don't need anything fancy. Yeah. Newspaper would do it. Yeah, there you go. Sop it up. Yep. Piece of bread. Piece of bread. Biscuit. Sponge. A biscuit. There you go. Well, nothing to see here. Just a deadly Egyptian cobra missing from the Bronx Zoo. Yes. The New York Bronx Zoo noticed on Saturday that the 20-foot venomous Egyptian cobra. 20-inch. I'm sorry. Big difference. Big difference. 20-inch venomous Egyptian cobra. Almost two feet. Yeah. Is missing. It's no longer in its cage. Larry. Come on, buddy. Larry. Larry, where are you? Larry. Larry. Larry. Larry. Hey, where's the frigging cobra? Hey, Joey, where are you? Hey, Joey, where's Larry? Larry the cobra? Yeah, the freaking cobra. Did you leave the frigging cage open? It ain't my freaking cage to be watching, bro. You're the zookeeper.
Yeah, you're the zookeeper's helper. What are you supposed to be doing? Now, this is not going to make you feel any better. Freaking Larry! The venom is so deadly in the Egyptian cobras that it can kill a... full-grown elephant in three hours or a person in 15 minutes wow the venom destroys nerve tissue and causes paralysis and death due to respiratory failure now zoo officials are saying quote based on our knowledge of the natural history and behavior of snakes we know they see closed-in spaces and are not comfortable in open areas so they think the snake is in a non-public isolated area of the building it's great is of course what they're saying yeah but um Oh, my gosh. That's just super. It's normally stored, this snake, in an off-exhibit enclosure. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, so they have closed the reptile house until he's found. That's great. But just, you know, nothing like a venomous Egyptian cobra just cruising around on his own. Let me tell you something. You guys know me. I watch all those shows, you know, with the crazy snake bites. I love those programs.
And I saw this guy. And it's always idiots that want to have him as pets. And this guy got bit in the hand by one of these crazy cobras. It's like that. He got bit in the thumb. Did he just suck out the venom? Huh? What do you do? That's a bunch of BS. That sucking out the venom thing. What do you do? The sucking out the venom thing doesn't work. Because you can't get it all. And if it's strong enough, it's going to put the hurt on you. So this dude, right, this genius, he says, well, I'm not going to the hospital because if I go to the hospital, I have to tell them. His girlfriend's like, we've got to go to the hospital. He's like, no. He goes, because if we go to the hospital, I have to tell them what it was so that they can give me the antivenom. And it's illegal to have them, and I'm not going to get arrested for it. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Wow. So he was in excruciating pain. I've told this story before, but he's in excruciating pain. He gets to the point where it hurts so bad that. He asked his girlfriend, get me a spatula. And he just wants to bite the spatula. He bit through so many spatulas that she had to go to Target and get him more spatulas. What? He broke his teeth. He clenched his teeth so he didn't want to go to jail. Because the fine and the penalty of it was like 10 years in prison or something. And so he was like, no, I'm going to muster. I'm going to get my way. Finally, his thumb went.
like limp, you know, and it was like, imagine like if somebody had a broken thumb and the skin was hanging on the inside at the tip, it went limp. So he's like, okay, I'm going. Now I'm going. Now I'm going. It liquefied. What did? The venom liquefied the bone. No, it didn't. And so when the doctor pulled back the skin, they said, there's nothing we can do. There's nothing to repair. Oh my God. It liquefied the bone. It liquefied the bone. Cut it off. And he says every once in a while. He said the last time it happened was Valentine's Day. He was out to dinner with his girlfriend. Every once in a while, pow. It's like the pain comes back. Oh, my God. And it lasts for like 10, 15 seconds. He says they're out to dinner. It's him and his girlfriend. No thumb. It's long gone. Years before. And all of a sudden he's like.
Just a phantom pain. Phantom pain. And it just like happens. He said the last time it happened was Valentine's Day dinner. Oh my gosh. The steak is delicious. So what do you think of the restaurant? I'm here. Oh my gosh. That's awful. Oh my gosh. So maybe they try to find the cobra, you know? Yeah. That's a good idea. They're trying. How'd you like to be that guy that's going to go stick in his hand and like crevices and things, you know. Oh my gosh. Creepy. Now, this next story, when we come back, this is either going to make you really happy or really sad. But Rebecca Black, the girl that brought you this song. Yeah. I like it. I do, too. I actually like it. Everybody likes it. Anyway, it was universal. I mean, the reason it became well-known is because it was so awful. But now people, I think people, it's in their head. Get stuck in your head. It's candy-flavored poison. It's candy-flavored poison. I know it is. She's back. She's got a new single. Wait till I tell you what it's about and what it's called. I can't wait. Welcome back. At 8 o'clock, LOB is going to be playing the LOB pop culture game. We will give LOB the headline. The pop culture headline. She'll have to tell us whether it's true or false.
And it is not as easy as one might think. I'm interested to see what you guys think. Is it going to get warm anytime soon? Oh, no, let me look. Yeah, I'll have you check it out. It's supposed to get warm this week. Good. Yeah, it's short sweater all week long. Nice. Finally. Do you guys know who Tom Ford is? Used to work at Gucci. Yeah, now he's got his own, you know, now he's his own dude. He's a designer. Yeah, and he's supposed to know everything about men's clothing. He was head designer at Gucci, and then he got his own bit. He bailed. Wow. And he's a pretty sharp cat. What's up, dude? He's a sharp cat. Yeah, very. And he just came out, and he said that shorts on a man are never okay. What? Never. Wow. He said the only time that a man should ever wear shorts are if he's at the beach or playing tennis. Wow. But he said besides that, shorts.
are never okay. And I said, guess what, Tom? Get. I respectfully disagree. I respectfully disagree, too. I disagree as well. Does he think he is some kind of fashion designer? Yeah, is he like the old head of Gucci? Now has his own label. Who are you? The worst the weather will be is partly cloudy all week. And it looks like it's a lot of sun. Jay was right. Warm? Yeah, it says partly cloudy today and tomorrow. Mostly sunny the rest of the week. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. All right, so what's up with Rebecca Black? Well, she's not going anywhere. Yeah, no, she's not. Rebecca, 13 years old, and apparently she is making a full album because she knows that, you know, she has something going right now. People are all about her. And she's also planned the follow-up single. It's called LOL. So the follow-up to this song, the Friday song, will be called LOL. LOL, yeah. LOL means laughing out loud. And she was asked, are you going to be changing the way you write your songs since you've been criticized for it? She's like, no, I'm not changing it. I like the fact that I'm singing like a 13-year-old girl. Well, she didn't write it, right? No. She didn't write it. But maybe she has the same people write LOL. It says that she's recording the single and the album at the Flying Pig Production Studio, which is in LA. And she does not have a record deal.
And she was with, now I won't remember the name of it. Arc Music Factory. That's who she was with, the other one. It's the one that you can, you know, you give them some dough and they'll write you a song. Why would she not have a record deal? I don't know. She will soon. Maybe the people are too afraid to take a leap. They want to see if she was just like a one-hit wonder. I would think it would be worth it to find out. Aren't there a lot of worse people out there with record deals than her? No, she'll get a record deal. I guarantee she's performing on American Idol or one of the shows, Dancing with the Stars, within the next two weeks. She's got to be. Do you really need a record deal? Don't they just take money from you? That's true. Maybe she's being smart. You get something, though, right? They promote your record. She's already a millionaire. Yeah. She's made a million bucks. She's sold. Well, this is last week when I reported this story. She had sold over two million. More than two million people bought her song on iTunes, which is sold for 70 cents each download. Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. And that was last week. So even more people have bought it. That's a lot. Yeah. I showed it to people for the first time, people that hadn't seen it on Saturday night, and it was over 55 million views. Oh, wow. Holy.
Cow. 55 million views. It started out before Tosh put it on his blog. It was about 3,000 views of friends and family and everything. That's how it got discovered is that Tosh.0, the TV show, he thought it was funny. He said, you know, some people just were not meant to write music. And that is what got it out there. And then boom. Crazy. Instant fame. That's right. So. We were talking about this, you know, this boating thing that happened this weekend. You got to be careful when you're doing the boats. Now, this story is a little bit more lighthearted. We have some friends named Jeremy and Heather. And when Jeremy, they're married now, they got kids. And when they first started dating, he wanted to really make a big impression on her and he wanted to impress her. And so he decided he'd grown up. riding a lot of boats and stuff. And so he was like, I got this. I know how to do it. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to rent a boat. I'm going to talk to a friend of mine. A friend of his said, yeah, you know what? Don't even worry about renting it. I have a boat. Do you know how to sail? He's like, yeah. You know how to sail? He's like, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. He had seen people sail. He wrote about that.
That is not easy. He read that there were people that sailed. He was familiar with what a sailboat was. Right. He's heard the term sailing. Yeah. He's heard the song. Sailing by Christopher Cross. Sailing. So it's like he got it. It's the same thing, right? He's like, the guy goes, you know how to sail? He's like, yeah, because he'd heard sailing. So he's like, yeah, of course I do. Truth of the matter is, is that he had been on a lot of sailboats. And he'd observed people do it. But there's a big difference between that and actually sailing. And so he picks her up and he goes, I have a surprise for you. We're going to the marina. And she's like, really? This was like their second date. He's like, yeah, we're going to the marina. And take a look in the back seat. And she looks back there and there is a beautiful picnic basket. He went out and he bought a beautiful picnic basket. Guess what's in the picnic basket? Chardonnay. Chardonnay. Cheese. Glasses. Yeah. Grapes. Beautiful lunch. And chocolate. Covered. Strawberries. Oh, wow. Delicious. Wow. So it's a beautiful day here in San Diego. And they embark. And he said when they first set out to sail, things were going pretty good. He actually had this. And he was like, what was I even worried about?
Like, of course I have this. But then the wind started to pick up a little bit. Oh, no. And he started to drift towards the Coronado Bridge. And he's trying to correct going on rote memory of what he remembers what to do when you're trying to steer a sailboat. Oh, my God. But before he... Could really get control of it. And he's trying to pretend that things are great. She's eating the strawberries and enjoying the... And she's thinking to herself, how did I find this guy? Wow, yeah. How did I find this guy that is not only good looking, he's a surfer. Prince Charming. He's a gem. He kind of had a freaking sail. He packed a lunch. Doesn't get much better. Doesn't get much better, Nez. And he's like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Oh, we're going to die, we're going to die, we're going to die. Oh, my God. And he's like, and she's like, we're getting close to the bridge. He's like, it's OK. I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm doing. He didn't know what he was doing. They smashed into the Coronado Bridge and they had to be rescued by the Coast Guard. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah. It's one of the greatest stories that they still have to tell.
About how the day that Jeremy got them stranded up against the Coronado Bridge. Oh, my gosh. Wait. And he said when they first went up against the bridge, he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, sometimes, you know, sometimes. And he's like pulling on this wench and he's doing this and nothing. Please, God, please, please, please, please get this in. Nothing. He's like, he finally had to give up and be like, I don't know what to do. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. And he married her. She married him. She married him. That's a better way to put it. He did not have a motor on it. He could have started the motor. Dude, it was thrashing them up. The waves were thrashing them up against the bridge. And he couldn't get anything to work. Like nothing. That's awful. Because he didn't know what he was doing. He's like, starboard. Just throw out words. Watch out for the gym boom. The gym boom is here. Sit down. Yeah. Oh, gosh. And he said the worst part of it was her going, is everything okay? And him being like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. This happens, you know? It's stuck. The witch is stuck in the jib. With the paw. Just go starboard on it. Maybe put your life jacket on. Yeah, get your life jacket on, though. So he said the most humiliating thing was the Coast Guard attaching the toe. Oh, yeah.
And then you got to call your buddy and be like, I wrecked your boat. Yeah, I jacked your boat up. Bad. I just jacked your boat. Wow. Well, at least they have a story. They got a great story. They have a great story. I can picture them. I know because you know exactly where it is. They're just sailing out, Chardonnay going. Yeah. She's eating those strawberries like, this guy is the stud of all starts. Oh, yeah. Maybe if he didn't have a sweater tied around his shoulder, he would have had more range of motion. This is so great. He's got the sweater. He's like, boy, I hope these boat shoes hold up. Slipping around in his loafers. Yeah. He's lucky that they didn't get tossed out the sink. Oh, my gosh. No doubt. Or the boat sink or something. Yes. I mean, holy cow. Of course. So Jay and Woods went up to Big Bear this weekend. Yeah. And did you ski, snowboard? I snowboarded for like an hour. You did? Yeah, that was it for me. What? Was that the first time you've even tried? No, I've been snowboarding a bunch. Yeah, I know how to snowboard. I never saw him. Yeah, I didn't see Jay on the mountain. I saw him for like two hours. I was there for like an hour and a half, two hours. Ella B's pounding her head against the microphone because she's like, well, you went all the way up there. Well, it's vacation. It's my vacation. You choose to do what you want. You choose to do what you want. Yeah. It was fun though. I spent the whole day on the mountain. Yeah, Jay. Let me tell you about.
Well, wait, because I want to know, Woods, if you didn't snowboard, what did you do? We just hung out. We went around the town, had lunch, you know, just had a good time. Was there snow all over the roads? Well, no, the roads were actually really clear. Everything was great. Everything was good, dude. It didn't need my chains at all. So during the day, you and your wife, Jamie, would just drive around and go, like, kind of explore the town. Yeah, and look at the town, and it's, dude, it's, I would. Go back there anytime. The people from Scion, we have to mention because they are so great. They hooked everybody up and all the listeners had such a good time. You ready to M1s and stuff? Yep. There's M1s up there. It was cool. It was packed. So what were you going to tell me about Jay? Oh, this guy? Go camping with this guy. Or just go out of town with him. I bet. You should have seen all the gear he had. I bet. When I went to his house, he goes, y'all hold on for a minute. I'm going to get my fire pit. And goes to his truck and pulls out his own homemade fire pit. Oh, wow. With a propane tank and it's this hot. That's rad. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, he knows his stuff. Don't worry about being modest, Jay. He's like, propane. It was propane. Make sure, yeah. Propane. I just want to make sure because you can't have fire pits up at Big Bear that aren't propane. Oh, I gotcha. Yeah, it was propane. My bad. I'm bragging. He's a beast. Did you guys hang out at all? Yeah, we hung out Friday night.
You did? Yeah, when I got there. And we played a little outdoor ping pong. It was like four degrees. Oh, sounds like fun. Oh, my. Yeah. That does sound good. It's a cool town, though. Who won? Jay. Jay beat the crap out of me at ping pong. What? Play him at ping pong. I'm good at ping pong. I wasn't saying. I was just making sure they knew that I could only win. Dude, I do have to tell you this. I'm invincible. I do have to tell you this. When we used to be over at Clear Channel, they had a ping pong table there. The best. I would see Jay playing people, and he looked like a Korean Olympian. Oh, my gosh. Jay would be like, he is so good, dude. Just two-handed. Mikey, doing those weird, you know, like, yeah. Mikey. Remember Forrest Gump? Yes. That was Jay. Exactly what I picture. I love me some ping pong. This guy? This guy threw a serve at me? I'm standing there. I'm waiting. I'm like, oh, I got this. It hit and went 90 degrees the other way. I was like, what is that? You can't play ping pong with Jay. No. I got like four points. The only people that were able to play ping pong with Jay were the other people from promotions because they all knew how. But other than that, you're just a spectator. They really did look like the Korean. Yeah, like Forrest Gump and the Koreans. It's like a prerequisite for promotions. You have to know how to hacky sack. Yes. And you have to know how to play ping pong. You got to know how to play ping pong.
How did you learn how to do that? Just playing all the time. Again, again, again. Oh, my God. That's what it's like watching the two of them play. And then Sienna. This was kind of funny. I thought this was good. So last night, Todd did something for Sienna that seems like a small thing, but it really meant a lot to her. Guys can take note of this. It's the smallest. Guys should take note of this. Motorboat. Motorboat it. He... What'd you do with him? Motorboat? He does like to motorboat. Oh, wow. I actually like that. He does. Motorboat, son of a bitch. You old sailor, you. He is sailing. All right. Okay. That wasn't what Todd did. Can I kiss his lips?
Can his lips give me an autograph? Let me just touch him. Todd. She's got boobies. Okay, stop looking. So, I guess neither Sienna nor Todd felt like cooking last night. And so Todd offers to make... some food for sienna so he makes her some black beans why because she loves i love them and so he's out of the can he heat him up heat him up now but when he brings them out to her he had added a little bit of cayenne pepper and a little bit of hot sauce just the way that she does it and she never even knew that he noticed that she did that
And that little touch. I do. I make black beans all the time, and I add those two things. And, I mean, he must have been in the room when I've done it, because I've never told him to add those things. And he said, I added the cayenne and the hot sauce. That was right, right? I was like... So sweet. He's the sweetest man. Women dig it. They love that. It was the smallest thing. It means you paid attention. Yeah. They're in on that. I went on for like 10 minutes. He's like, okay, shut up. Okay, I got it. Dude, that was so nice. I realized... this weekend that I need to adjust something. And that is that when Rebecca's sick, I really like to take care of her, but I'm sort of mean about it. And I studied it, and I examined it, and I realized that the reason for that is fear. Jealousy? No, fear. I have jealousy. I don't have jealousy. I have fear. I'm really scared when she gets sick. And so, last night, She was trying to open up those packets of cold medicine. And you know the ones that you have to rip? It's like, you have to be Edward Scissorhands to really effectively be able to open them. You need the X-Acto knife in your pocket to get it open. Or get the exact angle to tear it. Yeah. And she was having a hard time with it. And she goes, I can't open this thing. And I go, give it to me. Give it to me.
Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Snapping at us. Snapping. Snapping real good. God, they hate snapping. Don't die. Don't die. They hate snapping. It's kind of in my mind. I'm like, you've got to get that in you. Get better. Get well. Yeah. And I'm so I'm kind of like D-ish, you know, like I do all the taking care of. But I'm very like, I'll be like, instead of going, hey, babe, did you take your blah, blah, blah? I'll be like, did you take? Did you make sure that you did da-da-da? You mean to be sweet. It just comes out wrong. It comes out so snappy. Yeah. Because you're afraid. Did you gargle with the salt? I'm sure she knows it's coming from you. Let's gargle with the salt! Concern and not like... Hurry up and take your stupid miss. And when you're sick and she's taking care of you, the exact opposite. Yeah, so sweet. So sweet. I'm the same way. I'm sweet, but inside I'm so jealous. I'm like, so how's that? Just lying on the couch. Yeah. Watching a movie. You need a pillow? Here you go. I think she thinks that of me. Wow. I think she thinks that. I don't think that of her because I know she does everything. So anytime she's got like downtime with the sick. Yeah. I can't.
ever feel that but i know she must think that yeah it's like oh she's gonna take it to the house again so you're sick again yeah i'm like a sitcom you know in the sitcom they always have the swinging door in the kitchen that's never in anyone's real house yes i'm like yeah get it i'll be like oh okay and then i would walk by the swinging door and if there was someone in there i go oh but i'm like being so sweet on the surface but then inside i'm like man up I have the swinging door in my kitchen. You do? You're the one. I have it. You're the one. Oh, my gosh. She's like Jack Tripper. My house was built in the 20s. Mrs. C. And I always notice in the sitcom, I'd be like, they can still hear you. Yeah, yeah. They're always like, he's such a jackass. Yeah. As soon as you get through the swinging door, it's like all bets are off. So do you think he's gay? Like, he can hear you, bro. It's just a small swinging door. It's just a soundproof door. How come we don't have, you have that channel? Well, our house is built in the 20s and we have a swinging door that goes from our dining room to the kitchen. That is cool. The house I grew up in had the same thing. Well, yeah, but it was wooden and it was a log cap. It was a flap made out of husks. That's right. That's right. It was made of adobe. 570-1949 is our number if you want to give us a call. I don't think any woman, every woman is cool about their man being sick, but inside I think they're like,
Really? Are you in that much pain? He's really sick. Is it really that bad? Rebecca said to me, she's driving. Oh, my gosh. Uh-oh. I wonder if she would allow me. Call Rebecca, Jay, and ask her if I can tell the Forest Ranch story. If she does, if she allows me to tell you, it's, dude, you guys, I'm not kidding you. And everyone listening. There's only one part that she would make me omit. But if so, it's not that crucial to the story. So I can tell you the rest of it no matter what. The grossest thing. It's probably the grossest stuff she's ever told me. It's horrific. We have to know now. Oh yeah, I can tell you. I can tell you. I know I can tell you part of it. But we got to call her to get permission to tell a very specific part of it. Because it involves her and it was very embarrassing. Yeah.
Let's see. So maybe that's coming up next. What is Facebook depression? Part of our new normal. And we'll tell you about it. Coming up. Did I play this? It's hard to know because I've never done that before. Oh, well. You haven't done it yet today is what you meant. That's what I meant to say. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Crazy story. Have you ever heard of Vacaville in Northern California? Vacaville. Vacaville? Well, a man that lived in that town was injured because he opened his newspaper and there was a hidden device inside, which caused it to explode. Oh, wow. The paper exploded, right? In this driveway. It happened around 1020 yesterday on Sunday. And it forced an evacuation of all the homes in this cul-de-sac in Vacaville.
Vacaville. Vacaville. Sorry, why can't I remember how to say it? I lived up there. Oh, okay. And he was airlifted to the University of California. The extent of his injuries are still unknown, but they don't know if this man was targeted. Is this a random thing that happened? But either way, it's just very scary. Now, everyone, you know, in that neighborhood was told not to touch their paper. So, yeah. Another crazy story. The mayor in Pennsylvania, Mayor Carter Scott Shields. He is the mayor of a town called Rutledge. He was killed skydiving over the weekend. 45 years old. His main parachute failed to open. Urgency shoot didn't fully deploy. Just awful. Awful. Oh, my gosh. 45-year-old man. Just so sad. It's the worst nightmare. Maybe you don't skydive. Yeah, it scares me, but what's going on in sports? Well, if you haven't heard, the Final Four is now set. It will start April 2nd in Houston, Texas. Kentucky will take on UConn, and Virginia Commonwealth will be taking on Butler.
An 11 seed against an 8. It's just insane. So the coach for VCU is now a household name. His name is Shaka Smart. And they're already saying, dude, he's going to have offers pouring in like crazy. Here he is talking about the win. Just so happy for all of our guys and all of our fans, everyone that believed in us all the way. We had to win five games to get here, but we did it. You said all those that believed in you. A lot of people didn't believe, but maybe they are now. Well, those people don't matter. The only people that matter is the 14 guys on our team, and they never stop believing. Dude. Unbelievable. It's absolutely incredible. Virginia Commonwealth. Virginia Commonwealth is in the Final Four. And have a shot. You know what I mean? As well as they're playing, they have a shot. And also this week, guys, opening day. Baseball is back this week. Starts Thursday. Tim Stauffer has been named the Padres opening day starter. Aaron Harang will start the home opener. Thank goodness. Thursday, baseball is back. Jay doesn't like sports. He doesn't watch sports. He's not playing. He likes mountain biking, skateboarding, surfing. Just support your local team. That's right. Please. Be on board. In a little bit, we're going to be telling you what Facebook depression is.
Sienna, tell the story again to people that are just tuning in about this cobra that escaped. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just fill people in in case somebody's just tuning in right now. Okay, now this is at the New York Bronx Zoo. A deadly Egyptian cobra is missing. This is a 20-inch long snake, and the venom is so deadly that it can kill a full-grown elephant in three hours or a person in about 15 minutes. And again, this cobra is missing out of the zoo. Staff was alerted on Saturday, and they believe he's in a non-public isolated area in the building, but they can't find him. Oh, my God. Now, on April 15th, tax day, Regal Horton Plaza, they're going to be playing this movie called The Elephant in the Living Room. And it's all about, like, escaped crazy animals like that. And I believe Tim is in the movie. Tim, are you there? All right, so you're in this movie, right?
Yeah, I'm the gentleman that goes out and gets, I'm called in at the last resort where nobody else can get some of these animals. Now, like, give me an example of some of the animals that you've had to go get. Talking about the cobra there at the Bronx Zoo, we had a woman, she just pulled into her garage in Dayton, Ohio, of all places where cobras aren't found. She pulls into her garage and she steps out with her groceries and steps on an Egyptian cobra. Hold on, hold on. She throws her groceries in the air. She runs in the house and tells her husband. There's a cobra in the garage. Well, he thinks it's a black rat snake or a king snake or something. So he gets a broom, comes out, pokes it, gets poked up, and it's a cobra. The first person he calls is the police department. You know, he's called the police first. So the police try to get help from the zoo, local zoo, and the museum. Nobody's coming out. They gave me a call. My brother and I came and caught it. But it's a typical story. People get these things as pets. You know, average people, amateurs, they're not going to be able to handle it because a lot of the professionals have a hard time. Oh, my God. And also San Francisco Zoo with their tiger getting loose a couple years ago.
Things happen with the professionals. Amateurs should never have these in their home. All right, we're talking to Tim Harrison. He's in this movie where these things get out. So did they find whoever lost it in that neighborhood? That's a great question. When I catch a big cat or a snake or something like that, I never have anybody raise their hand saying, can I have my tiger back? Yeah. Can I have my cobra back? Oh, my gosh. It's kind of like the poor animal is on its own, and that's part of the tragedy, too, because a lot of these animals have to be put down. There's no room for them, as you'll find out in the movie. You ever seen a black mamba? Yes, people have black mambas. In fact, in the film, you'll see me go and buy a puff adder, one of the fourth most deadliest snakes in Africa. I buy one. I tell the guy I have no experience. He still sells me a puff adder in Hamburg, Pennsylvania at a venomous reptile auction. And I walk out with it. They're selling mambas. They're selling pit vipers all over the place. And they're in little deli cups like you get potato salad. Oh, my gosh. How do they? How do they? How? How are you able to do that? How do they let people buy that stuff? Because right now the regulations are so lax that it's big business. Some say it's $20.5 billion in your industry selling just dangerous exotic animals to the general public. So it's a big business. But the problem is that when we try to step in and get regulations signed, these organizations come in and start fighting us and say, hey, we have a right to keep a bear next door to you. We have a right to have tigers. We have a right to have these things. And I have to come in and fight to get these regulations in effect.
Sounds like common sense. You know, how many times do you think you've ever in your lifetime had to tell somebody not to have a cobra as a pet? But apparently you do. I'm talking to Tim Harrison. He's in this new movie called The Elephant in the Living Room, which, by the way, you've got to see the trailer because the trailer starts with how the movie opens, which is a 550-pound escaped African lion attacking cars on the freeway. Yeah. That was a bad story, but that cat got out and was actually attacking cars. And the sad part about all these things are that these animals don't want to be here in Ohio or New York or California. They want to be left in the wild. And when they get loose, they're scared, too. They're petrified, too, and they become more dangerous because the most dangerous exotic animal is the one that knows the human's limitations. Once they know how we're not as fast as they are because they grew up with us, it could be more dangerous for me to come in and try to capture. Hey, Tim, talk about the three- and the six-year-old and what they found. Oh, that was a wild story. I got called in on that as a police officer. I'm a police officer, firefighter, paramedic. I got called in by the local police to have me come in. These boys found what they thought was a baby python in their garage. Well, neighbor was a naturalist, and she goes, hey, no python. It's a beautiful color, but I don't think that's a python. I show up on my cruise. I had a heart attack when the little boys walked, and they left it in the garage. They had put it around their necks, was walking around with it, and one kid said they even had it on the ground, like pushing it around like a car.
On the ground. Yeah. It was a gaboon viper from Africa with the world's longest fangs. If people want to see what it looks like, get on the website. We're going right now. Say it again. Say it again. Outreachforanimals.org.com. You can get on there and you can find pictures of the different stuff back on the newspaper articles and everything else. But they have the world's longest fangs. And the reason why this snake got loose, the guy had sold 45 of them in the area through classified ads in the newspaper. He was selling them in the newspaper. It's called a Gaboon Viper. Gaboon Viper. I just put a picture. Holy cow, dude. Where are the parents? Oh, my. The parents were there. They didn't know what it was. Because we get a lot of ball pythons, a lot of pythons escape from people. They thought it was just a regular python. They didn't know. It was just when I showed the news media the fangs, we all about to have a heart attack. I just looked at Woods' arms, and he literally has hair standing up on his arms, and he's got goosebumps on his arms that look like turkey skin. I just, like, Googled Gaboon Viper, and the first thing it said was Gaboon Viper for sale. I'm like, no! What? No! I don't want to buy it!
That's how simple it is. You can get on internet and get yourself a Gaboon Viper or a Rhino Viper like killed one of my fellow Dayton firefighters. You can buy one and have them sent to your house within 24 hours. You guys want to get one for the studio? Oh, my gosh. These teeth are the most terrifying things I've ever seen. Oh, my gosh. And a three-year-old and a six-year-old. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You know why, guys? You know why I didn't bite them? Because I didn't upset it. Snakes only strike when they're scared or they're hungry. So if you didn't piss it off, it's not going to bite you. Unbelievable. Wait till you guys see this picture. Yeah. Well, listen, Tim, thanks for coming on with us and telling us about it. It's going to be playing at the Regal Horton Plaza, April 15th. It's called The Elephant in the Living Room. And you can go to the elephantinlivingroom.com to see the trailer. Unbelievable. Thank you, Tim. Appreciate it. Thank you. Thanks a lot. Remember now, you can buy a Cobra, but you can't buy common sense. That's true. Thank you, man.
Appreciate it. Thank you. Take care. And their mouth opens completely open. Oh, wow. Oh, my gosh. Those are the biggest fangs I've ever seen. Oh, my gosh. It's so scary. Biggest fangs I've ever seen. I hate snakes so much. Make us laugh with Rebecca. Yeah, this story. I need to be laughing. Okay, so Rebecca is dropping me off. We went over to my mom and dad's house on Saturday morning to visit with my mom and dad. We took the twins with us. Jake is off with Grammy doing something with Grammy. So we go over there, and when we're all done, the plan is drive back home, drop me off at home, and Rebecca, Nita, our Hungarian nanny, and the twins are going to a birthday party in Poway for another little kid that's the twins' age, about a year, two years old. He's turning two. And so they dropped me off. And about two, two and a half hours later, she comes home. She walks into the bedroom. And I said, how was it? And she looks like she just got back from Bosnia. She looks like she just got back from the longest, you know, tour in Afghanistan. And she goes, just give me a little bit and I'll tell you. So she doesn't say that, you know.
So she says, okay. She says, here's the deal. Now, you remember the weather on Saturday. It was windy. It was kind of rainy. It was whatever. So she takes the twins to 4S Ranch. That's where the party is. And it's at this place that's right next to the Boys and Girls Club. Now, she had to pee from the time she left my parents' house. So from the time we left my parents' house to arrival in Poway is 45 minutes to an hour. She had to pee. She gets there and she has to and she says there's absolutely no parking because everybody's there. And so she said that the walk is a two block walk, you know, carrying the kids. OK. And she said that she could it's through this grassy area and she could have taken the other route, which would have been a three block walk. But she thought. Do I want to do two blocks in the grass or three blocks on the cement? She opts for the grass. She said halfway through it, she's wearing flip-flops, halfway through it, the grass, she goes, and her foot sinks down into the mud and water. And she says that the water is covering the top of her foot. Oh, no. And so now she's like kind of doing the whole.
thing right and so she sludge they sludge their way to get to where they're going and the boys their noses are running like faucets and her nose is running like a faucet and the wind is blowing so they get to where they're going and all and she says all she goes all i'm looking for is a napkin to wipe my nose and their nose And she gets there and everything is still packed up. They hadn't unpacked everything yet. And so nobody's got a little napkin to clean the noses. And she's like, what am I going to do? What do I do? So she goes in her purse and she goes, I can't believe I'm a mom. I forgot to pack anything to wipe noses. So she's got a scarf.
So she goes, I'm going to section the scarf off. One part of the scarf is going to be for Luke. One part's going to be for me. One part's going to be for Ryan. So she's wiping noses with her muddy feet and her wet feet. And she's doing the whole thing. And the wind is blowing and the whole deal. And she's got to pee. And so she goes, I don't know what I'm going to do, but I have to find a bathroom. And there's no, she sees all these kids playing over by the boys and girls and goes, good, there's a bathroom there. So she goes over and she's got Luke with her. She decides to take Luke with her because she didn't want to have to leave two kids running in separate directions with just Nita. So she takes Luke with her. She gets to this bathroom and she said on the outside, this place at Forest Ranch, in case you don't know, it's beautiful. It's very nice. Very nice. She said she walks into the bathroom and she said that the light is broken, but just dim enough to barely see.
And when she walked and there's several stalls and when she walks in and Luke sees that the light's not normal and that it's weird, he starts screaming. But she can deal with it. You know, he's screaming and it is scary, but she'll deal with it. She opens up the stall and she said that I don't know what's happening. Somebody had poured so much toilet paper into it that it over that it stopped working. The toilet stopped working. But that didn't stop people from using the toilet. Why would it? The fact that it didn't flush would not stop people from using it. And so what was in there? Everything. Piled up to the top so that she couldn't sit down. She said it was even on the seat.
Oh, my God. And since they had continued to use it, it was also on the ground. And Luke is going... And she's now had to pee for an hour. Now, she said... It's like walking into a murder scene. She said that. It was like... Yeah. She said, something happens in the human brain when you have told your brain, I'm going to be peeing in five seconds. Absolutely. And then her body had to go, no, I can't. Oh, no. But by that point, she said she could tell it's going to happen. Oh, no. And so she's like, I got to go to the next stall. So she goes to the next stall. And Luke is screaming. She opens the next stall. And she said it was only one number less bad than the first one. Oh, my God. What the hell? She said this one had wet toilet paper on the seat hanging off of it. Oh, my God. What is wrong with people? And she said, I can't put Luke down in this. Yeah. So she decides I'm leaving. By the way, as she's leaving the bathroom, she saw.
That some moms had decided that since the situation was as it was, they'd use the sink. I was going to recommend that. Oh, somebody already thought of it. So there. Poop. Sick. Oh my gosh. Sick. Yeah. You're sick. She, yes. You have a problem. You have a mental problem. You're an idiot. Like, use the grass. Jay suggested it, by the way. So somebody thought exactly what Jay suggested. Imagine walking into a little kid squatting in the sink. He meant number one. I was thinking number one. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. That's the most hideous thing. Oh, the story's not over. It's got to be over. It's not over. That's someone's job to clean that up. Somebody's got to clean that mess up. I'm so sorry to that person. Oh, well, I think that the person that's job it is to do that. has decided, I'm not dealing with it. And that's why the light's broken. Picture a dimly lit bathroom. Crying kid. Two overflowed toilets. Sinks. They've gone in the sink. So she's like, she goes, by the way, her pee is going, because she's like been holding it now for an hour and 15 minutes. And so she goes out, she leaves with Luke.
And she's like, she goes, at this point, I'm starting to panic. Oh my God. Because I'm thinking to myself, what do I do? Do I walk back to where they are, which there's nothing I can do there. Right. Do I go back to the car through the muddy grass? Oh my God. Do I take the three block walk back to the, it's not. So she just starts panicking and looking around. Where can I go? Where can I go? She finds this maintenance area. where they have air conditioner coolant places, but there's nothing blocking it. But she's like, I don't have a choice. I don't care anymore. I don't care anymore. That's dumb. So she walks back there with Luke, and there's stuff blowing, like the air conditioner vent and the whole deal. And Luke's like, and she's like, I don't care. With one hand, she's unbuttoning her pants, holding on to Luke. She starts to drop her pants, and as she goes to squat down, Luke's feet hit the ground, and he's off. Oh, gosh. Oh, my gosh. He runs, and she's got her pants down, and she's, like, chasing Luke with her pants and her knees. Oh, my gosh. Her pants are on her knees, and she's in public. Like, now she's a sex offender, so she's pulling her pants off. Oh, my gosh. And Luke's like, ah!
He just wants to get away from that character. Oh, my God. And so she goes and she grabs Luke. She picks him up. She goes back. She's holding on to him. Pulls her pants down. She's like, psst. She says she's whizzing like she's never whizzed before. Oh, my God. And as soon as Luke sees that, he thinks, something is, my mom is dying. Yeah. And he goes, ah! Oh, my God. Is the bee? And she's like, imagine this scene. She goes, imagine this scene. And I go, that's got to be the end of this story. That's got to be the end of this story. She stands up. It gets worse. This is the end. She stands up to start to put her pants back on. And Luke's nose, obviously, is just a.
It looks like the BP oil spill. Only it's little kids, you know, in his mouth. And she's like, oh, this poor kid goes to get the scarf. She just peed all over it. She dropped it during all of this thing. So you sacrifice your shirt. I mean, but then you're going to. Oh, yeah. Well, she did. I mean, she did. She had to. But, you know. That was that. OK, so end of trauma. I go, what did you do next? She goes, I walked back to the party as if nothing had happened. Oh, my God. Well done. Holy cow. Bravo. Bravo. I said, first of all, you deserve a medal of honor. Yeah. OK. Or at least a bottle of wine. Yes. A stiff drink. Yes, absolutely. But I said, let this be alert.
What? Hang on. Hang on. I'm about to be upset. Hang on. Hang on. Don't continue. I said, babe. I go, babe, why do you let your pee get that far? Because aren't you the same person that lets your gas tank get down to vapors? Now, at this point, she laughed a little bit. No, no, no. She laughed a little bit. She laughed a little bit. Yeah. Because I go, babe, you. When you dropped me off at the house, you even came in for a second to grab the present. And she goes, yeah, but how could I ever foresee? Sometimes you don't know how bad it's going to get until it happens. Maybe you go pee-pee. Yeah, clean house before you go. Maybe you go pee-pee when you have to. Maybe she's got a lot of other stuff on her mind besides herself. It's either you're leaving your parents' house and she can go.
pee pee but she's loaded the kids in the car she knows if she leaves they're gonna scream you're trying to make sense of it she's done this she's always been the girl that will drive the car until the gas light comes on i gotta pee she will not wait anymore see i have a tiny little bladder so i could be fine and then 20 minutes later it's like go time oh yeah it was go time She said she said it was go time when she started to walk on the grass. Oh, boy. So imagine what she was at. And she said and she said the worst part about it was since she waited so long. She goes, I'm not kidding you. I didn't stop peeing for four minutes. Oh, my gosh. See, that's why she walked back to the party like nothing happened. It was such sweet relief. Yeah. She's like, you can throw anything. Anything. I don't even care. I've just been through a battle. Yeah. And I've been relieved. Yeah. I just. Luke running is amazing. That's incredible. Huh? Luke running away. Luke running away. Mid-pee. He's gone. He's gone. No. You know. She finally got to go and had to stop it.
She said, it starts and it's just like, you know, Niagara Falls. Oh, yeah. And Luke is gone. Gone. Oh, my God. And she's like, this can't be. Oh, my gosh. This simply cannot be. Oh, poor woman. She's a saint. I mean, seriously. I mean, honestly. Honestly. She already grew home a nice treat today. Yesterday, I said, can I get you anything? Can I, you know. Blah, blah, blah. I mean, just unbelievable. We still have to tell you what Facebook depression is, so we will. And we will also play Name That Tune. So call us, 570-1949, if you want to play Name That Tune. Now, for Name That Tune, you're going to pick me or Sienna or Woods or L.O.B. What's the prize? Oh, wait. He can't talk to me. You can't, right? Okay, he'll tell me later. He'll tell me later. Don't worry, you'll get a fabulous prize. We'll be playing Name That Tune here in just a second. And L.O.B. plays pop culture trivia at 8. Give her some headlines. She's got to tell us if they're true or false. All right, Sienna, what is Facebook depression? Well, this is something that a Boston area pediatrician who has written a book.
has diagnosed and he says it's just as bad as any sort of depression in kids um like when you don't have friends he's comparing it to you know on facebook you have all your your amount of friends you can see how many friends everyone has you can see status updates photos of you know happy people having a good time and if you're a young kid and you're on facebook and you don't have like friends to post those pictures and you see other people posting them and it just nobody comments yeah it just yeah it just bums you out he's comparing it to being Just as painful, if not more painful, than sitting alone in the cafeteria, you know? There's nothing worse than that. I know. By yourself. That's so sad. I know. It just kills me. But, like, I mean, he's right. That happens. And all these kids are on Facebook. And they're seeing, like, you know, I'm sure there's other kids denying their friend requests and stuff. Like, basically saying, I don't want to be your friend. You just made me stick my bottom lip out. I know. It's so sad. But, so, basically, what he's saying is all parents, you know. Talk to your kids if they're on Facebook or stuff like this and just see how they're doing on there and make sure they're not bummed out. There should be people on Facebook that their whole thing is like being friends with. Yeah. Being friendly. Yeah. I'll be friends with anyone. Yeah. Like there should be. Yeah. Like that. A person that's like, you know, that's what they're there for. Yeah. They say, you know, Facebook is just.
a big popularity contest, especially when you're in high school or middle school. And, you know, that's all you care about, really. So just be aware of Facebook depression, especially in your kids. I feel so bad for kids. I mean, that totally makes sense to me. Yeah. Like, if your kids are on it, just make sure they're cool. Oh, and the thought of someone not accepting it. Like, why won't she accept my friends? Did she accept yours? It's so sad. Oh, it kills me. 5701949 is our number. Let's do a little name that tune. M1 Chris from Mira Mesa. Who would you like? My boy Wood. All right. It's a good one. I'm about to get killed. No. You're killed. You win. You're good. M1 Lisa from Lakeside. Who do you want? L.O.B. Of course. Yeah. It's just the same order every week, isn't it? M1 Harold from San Marcos. Who do you want? I want you, Miguel. Yeah. Miguel. Thank you, Harold. Me again. You know, when I was younger, I was picked first on some teams. And when Jesse from North County. Times have changed. Let's do this, Sienna. Oh, look at that. Positive. Positive. Yeah. Who picked me, Jesse? I got you. I love you. There you go. I love you. Sorry about that. Lots of love. LOL. Hey, listen. Maybe you do great on this one, Sienna. Yeah, maybe I will. We're going to use our name as a buzzer. And what's the theme, Jay? The theme is just movies.
All right. All you got to do is name the movie. What's the prize? The prize is tickets to see The Lincoln Lawyer. All right. Matthew McConaughey. There you go. So it makes sense that it's movies today. So we got to tell him what that movie is. Woods is already declared the winner. He knows every movie ever made. Absolutely. I may have gone out of my way to make sure that all of them. Great. A bunch of cartoons. Here we go. Lauren. Mikey. Lauren. Wizard of Oz. Dang it. Kid didn't like cartoons. Oh boy. Here we go. Mikey. Star Wars. Really? Really? I would have yelled out Darth Vader. Here we go. Security police. I'm in charge of this man. No longer, madam. He is now in the custody of the Ministry of Science. Take your stinking paws off me, you damn... Are you insane? Mikey. Darn it. Go ahead, Mikey. Planet of the Apes.
Mikey 2, The Rest of Us Zero. Planet of the Apes. Planet of the Apes. All right. This is my home. Yeah! How to Train Your Dragon! Oh, wow. Favorite movie. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. That was intentional by Jones. Oh, absolutely. 100%. You know, he's throwing me a ball. He's throwing me a ball. I picked last. What more do you want? He wanted to make sure that Woods did not get that. Yeah, any of them. That was more than... A bunch of fantasy movies. Planet of the Apes is very well known. Yeah, it was really good in 1956. The score is Mikey 2, Sienna 1. Or the Woods 0. Here we go. Woods. The Hangover. Oh my... What? Bam! What do tigers dream of? You're a free. That's a great song. That's pretty awesome. All right. Sorry about that. All right, Mel. Woods. Super Troopers. Come on, Mel. Mikey and Woods 2, Sienna 1. Here we go. He's heating up. Oh, boy. Mikey. Young Frankenstein.
So great. I never knew where that came from. I thought it was Jim Carrey this whole time. I did, too. All right. What the heck? Here we go. I eat breakfast 300 yards. A few good men? Darn it! Mikey and Woods are tied with three. 300 yards from where that gate is. You boys are tied with three. I have one. Oh, boy. I have zero. Here we go. Mine's bigger than that. Woods. Animal House. Are you kidding me? Wow. Talking about the cucumber. Oh. In the store. Yep. That is amazing. Here we go. Man, let me pick that up for you. It's a full moon tonight. Lauren. Lauren. Nutty Professor. Wow. I thought you would know we would get that one. Wow. What's the score? Mikey, three, Woods, four. Lauren and I both have one. So I have two Romanians, so we're going to make them each a three-pointer. Oh, wow. Okay. So here we go. I keep feeling blessed. Lauren. Crazy heart. Damn it. How did I miss that? How did you? I don't know. Me and Lauren are tied. Lauren's in the game. We're tied. Here we go. Fake tie. One thing you should know about me. Mikey. Damn it. Inception. Mikey wins. I haven't won in 80 years. Here you go, Harold.
There you go. Harold. I love you, Mikey. Thank you, buddy. It's a fake win, but a win is a win, all right? Enjoy the Lincoln Lawyer, pal. There you go. No, you did good, Mike. All right, hang on the line, okay? All right. Oh, man. He did. Yeah, it was fair. How dare you. It was fair-ish. As soon as you said it's fair, I knew you meant it's not fair. No, it's not. You guys would have been tied if we had kept it at real points. Yeah, it was like semi-fair. We had been tied. Do you have one more? No, he's gone. He left for the day. You won. You won. You did good. Did we talk about first? We've all been beat that way. Have we? Mm-hmm. Buzzword. I got robbed a couple times. Why don't we do some Woods of Wisdom? Let's do it. Make it right. It'll make you feel better. Yeah, you're right. It'll make you feel better. Woods of Wisdom. You can go to MikeyShow.com and ask Woods questions. You can also call us. 570-194-9. Woodsy.
Woodsy. It's on the house. This email says, Woods, how many times do I go out with the same girl and consider her a girlfriend? I've been out with this girl four times and we don't talk about it, but it's like the elephant in the room. M1 Pete. So he's asking how many dates does it take till their boyfriend girlfriend? To get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. There's no magic number. There's no magic number. Sometimes you'll go out with a girl once, and you're like, oh, that's it. This is my girlfriend. But if you don't talk about it, how do you know? You've got to talk about it. There has to be some sort of casual conversation. You have to bring it up and be like, but you don't want to be- She's waiting for him. You don't want to be the guy that's like, so what are we? She's like, what are you, a chick? Yeah, you don't want to be the guy. You don't say, what are we? You'd be like, is it cool if I call you my girlfriend? Oh, God. I've never- Girls don't have to have that conversation. Can I kiss you on the mouth? Or sometimes the guy. Can I kiss you on the mouth? I see you looking at me. Oh, gosh. I see you. I see you. Can you kiss me on the mouth? I'll kiss you on the mouth. Guys do this move. They'll be like, so Joe was asking me the other day, like, are you going to bring your friend or is she your girlfriend? Yes. Yes. That's brilliant. So what should I tell Joe? And we wait for her to go. No, we stopped it. We wait for her to go. And what did you say? Yeah.
I said it was, I said you were my girlfriend. I said, depends, ask her. I want to be a girlfriend. It's so awkward. It's totally what happened. Look, I don't think there's a magic. It's a gross comment. It's so gross. It's so gross. It makes you skank crawl. I don't think there's a magic number, but you will have to, you'll have to use all your powers to figure it out. I've seen the like, introduced to your buddies, like, oh, this is my girlfriend. And then once the buddy walks away, she'll be like, oh, so I'm your girlfriend, huh? And he's like. Yeah, I think it's time. It sure is presumptuous, though. What's the dorkiest way you've ever done it as an adult? I'd never have done it. You haven't? Uh-uh. How do you know, then? Just because I'll say it. I'll be like, this is obviously, you know, this is going to be a thing. Really? That's how you do it? Yeah. So this is obviously, you know, this is going to be a thing. You obviously are obsessed with me. You're obviously in love with me. You've seen the goods. You want them? Yeah, you want a taste. It's fine.
You belong to me. You be mine. Right. You, my girlfriend. How would you do it? Have you done it before? Dorky. I always have done it. It's always dorky. I've always done it in the worst, most uncomfortable, dorky way. Like, are we together? No. Worse. Way worse. Do you want to go steady? It'd be like this. Do you want to be my girlfriend? You should have just taken your letterman's jacket, taken the pin off of your letterman's jacket and pinned it on her. That'd be way cooler. Yeah. It's not that bad, Mike. It's pretty bad. That's pretty bad. Every way is pretty bad. Let's just move on. Yeah, let's move on. Just don't worry about it, pal. Good luck, buddy. Yeah, good luck. This is an interesting and weird question from M1 Nineball. And you can call if you have a guy's question for Woods. Guy's guy question. Woods, is it okay to use shampoo for soap? This came from Jay Isbell, didn't it? Yeah. I ain't buying shampoo and soap. Two in one. What's the point? If you're going to just put it on the scrubby, then it might as well just be soap. Good enough for my hair. Ain't good enough for my skin. I don't think so. I do it the other way around.
Soap in his hair. Soap for shampoo. You do? Yeah, what's the big deal? Drying. There's not. It does sound drying. It's not a big deal. I mean, listen, spend the extra three bucks, get yourself some body soap, okay? There's more detergent in soap. But, I mean, it doesn't matter either way. That is a brilliant question. No, I don't think it matters. They make like the hippie stuff that's all in one. Oh, yeah. You know, it's biodegradable. Oh, boy. Yeah. All right, last one. Pestic ivory. Woods. I hope we have time. This next one is so good that I would like to spend some time with it. So if we don't get to finish this here, we got to just... Woods. I'd been seeing this girl a few times. She's not 100% my type, but she was very cool. I went to her apartment and had to go pee. And when I went in the bathroom, she had a can.
of Glade on top of the toilet. It took my mind to places it didn't want to go. And I was grossed out. She keeps texting me and I always say I'm busy. Absolutely. Am I being a freak about it? Yes. Nope. It grossed me out, dude. M1. Seinfeld. M1 Hallbreaker. M1 Seinfeld. M1 Seinfeld. M1 Costanza. He has every right and or reason to never talk to that girl again. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. If it was Febreze, you could use it for your towels or your shower curtain. Glade? It has one purpose. One purpose. Poop. And that's it. So he knows that it's so bad, she's got to get the hard stuff. She just wants her bathroom to smell good. Get Lysol or something. She just wants the bathroom to smell good? Yeah. Maybe a candle. A candle, yes. Well, then what's worse? What if you see a pack of matches in the back? Oh my gosh. There's no candle in the bathroom. Hey, if you're a girl and you happen to live on your own, what are you going to do? Maybe you just don't want to smell.
You got to get some Glade. But then at the same time, I don't ever want to see you ever. Maybe she got the Glade for him. What if he had to go? Really? Yeah. Nope. She would have said, hey, babe, I got you Glade for the bathroom. They're not at Babe yet. They're not at Babe. So she's not buying him poop cover. Maybe make me dinner instead of getting me poop cover. She just likes the way it's cinnamon potpourri smell is. Glade. It comes out real fast and real hard. Yeah. You know what? Immediately covers it up. She's walking down aisle nine at the grocery store and she goes, oh, I need that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I need that. I have to. There's nothing wrong. I need it. Nothing wrong. And the reason that I need it is because something's got to mask what I do. Had he said Lysol, I would have been like, oh, okay. It's disinfectant. It's disinfectant. Lysol is disinfectant. Those things are the worst. Right. But because it's Glade, that's my problem. It has one purpose. Yeah, and the fact that it was on top of the toilet. What do you think? It smells like flowers? Easy access.
For everybody else? If it was just to make it smell good, maybe it'd be in the cabinet or something. Nobody should even have that stuff. Absolutely have it. My dad used to work for Renews It, which was before Glade. And so we had cans of Renews It everywhere. And it smelled like baby powder and soap. It was disgusting. And all it did was mix with whatever else was already going on. It doesn't matter, though, L.O.B. They all do that. I know. Nobody should have those. Oh, look. I pooped on the... Fresh sheets. Yes, exactly. I would rather have a mixture than solid. Oh, for sure. I wouldn't because then every time I smell that stuff, I just associate it with it. Whatever shields that awful smell. It doesn't shield it. It doesn't shield it. It just amplifies it. It helps. We have this orange. It's like orange citrus spray and it just kills it. It drops. Yeah, maybe it kills it. Listen, I walk into a girl's bathroom and she lives by herself. And she doesn't live with a man or an ape. Okay? That's the only times it's acceptable. Her roommate is an actual silverback gorilla or an ape or a man. If that's not the case and she lives by herself and she walked down aisle nine and said,
For what I'm up to, I need that. She didn't say that. Yeah, she did. She didn't say that. For what I'm up to. No, she thought, this is a pleasant smell. It will make my bathroom smell good. It's going to cover up the poop smell that I'm about to go drop. The hammer. Maybe she's a big asparagus eater. How dare you, Jay? How dare you? Look at him. He's in there so proud of it. He says it and he gets this proud look like, right? Gotcha. Maybe she drinks a lot of coffee. Hey, Mike, maybe she is Mexican and has a lot of spicy meals like you do. Yep. Maybe she likes garlic. Maybe she consumes a lot of fiber. Maybe she poops a lot. Maybe her toothpaste stinks. Did you ever think of that, Mike? Did you ever think that maybe her toothpaste stinks? Maybe she uses natural plant soap that don't smell great. She wants something that smells good. Glade is the ticket.
She can't play with fire. She was a former pyromaniac. She's not allowed to have a candle. Or wooden matches. The FBI has forbade it. Maybe she still lights fires on the reg. He's so proud. He's so proud. Wow. M1, Whitney from La Jolla. How you doing? Good. I've seen it. Do you spray it, you said? Before. And then, yeah, and it's amazing. Do you spray it into the toilet? Yeah. Yeah, you spray it into the bowl.
Then you do what you need to do. And then it doesn't smell. And it just smells like clean. It doesn't smell like poop mask. Ella B., is it drops or is it spray? The one I saw was drops. And I went to a couple's house in San Francisco. And everything about the apartment was so, like, such a woman's touch. And the bathroom was really girly. And then on the commode, I saw that. And they lived together, the guy and the girl. And I thought... Wow, you're just really out there with it. Yeah. Just letting everybody know. Yeah, but it's a really girly little bottle. And I was like, huh. Now, I did try it. You mean you did it at their house? You pooed at somebody's house? Yeah, we were staying at their house. You were staying. Yeah, no choice. So you were like, hey, why didn't you roam? That was sweet of her because she knew that you guys would be there. It was like halfway empty. I'm pretty sure it's got some regular use. Did it work? No. Sorry. L.O.B. says, hey. Does anybody want my breakfast? Anybody? L.O.B. says, hey, listen, guys. Didn't work on what I had. Smells the same to me. Does anybody want this? Because I won't be eating it. You're not going to eat your breakfast? No, no, I can't eat that. M120 from North Park. What up? Yeah, dip it like a pimp. What up? That's right. Like a pimp. How you doing? The best stuff ever. The ritual.
That's the stuff I suggested. Yeah, that's the stuff I've seen. Yeah. Like a Visine cake. You know what, bro? Hey, M120. Yes, sir. There must be a shortage of the ingredients that they make that with because I've told my audience about it for a long time. It's from a company called Ritual and it's called Nature Calls. Yeah. It comes in a little black Visine bottle. LLV. LLV. And you drop three drops of it in. If you're me, five, and then you can't. It really does matter. It's not available anymore. You know what works? It's not available anymore. Whatever. And it doesn't matter where you go on the Internet. You search. If anybody can find it on the Internet, let me know. Because it's gone. They carry it at a salon called Detour. Still? Yep.
They have a whole thing. Where's detour? Where's detour? It's on E Street and the 101. I'm going today. To get poop drops. And if anybody outbuys me and clears the place out. Nothing works. You guys are all full of it. What works is not going. And no one's going to not go. Yeah, that's what I said. Abstinence. Abstinence is the only thing. I didn't hear that. Abstinence. It's the only thing that works. And time. Courtesy flush. Courtesy flush is okay. Courtesy flush is a great move. Open a window. Yeah. A window. It's still, though. Maybe eating less preservatives. Ritual nature calls is a pretty good option. I don't know about that. It really is. Okay, question. Did you ever use it, though, L.O.B.? No. It does work pretty good. Question. I've heard about it. What if you see ritual nature calls drops at our house? Same thing. I'd never see her again. Right. Me neither. She'd have to put it in the medicine cabinet, which you shouldn't be fishing around in anyway. It's the first place I go. To look through your medicine cabinet, I'll look at your pills. L.A.B. uses centrum. I'll give her one a day. What? How come you have hemorrhoid cream? It's for under my eyes, Jay. I can give you some calcium.
Oh, boy. Oh, wow, LLB. That may have been stretching limits. You guys hear about the guy in Chula Vista making the 911 calls? It's made news everywhere. This guy was making 911 calls. Tells the operators that he's just committed a bad crime. Turns out the call's a hoax, but they actually need our help to try to find out who this person is. We have the audio of the call. We'll play it for you. And if you recognize this person's voice, please let the authorities know. We'll play it for you next. You can help identify the person that was messing with the 911 operator in Chula Vista. We'll play the call for you here in a minute. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Well, Netflix wants to apologize to anyone that has a streaming-only plan. This is a $7.99 per month plan, and apparently last Tuesday they had a streaming outage. So how they're apologizing is offering a 3% credit to those people that were affected. 3%, just did the math, just 23 cents. You'll be getting back. So have fun with that.
Why didn't they just say, screw you? It would have been faster and easier. Here's not even a quarter. Here you go. And less insulting. And less insulting. If we have another outage and we give you another 23 cents, you may be able to make a phone call. That's what we've given you. Y'all, y'all, it's a lot of money. I'll take it. Yeah. Also, truck drivers throughout the country and especially in San Diego are saying it's getting tougher to survive. The rising cost of diesel fuel. Would you like to know how much it is? Now, this is the average cost of diesel fuel in the U.S. is $3.90 a gallon in San Diego. $4.39 a gallon. Wow. A gallon. What's the point of having a diesel? It's supposed to be great, you know, and save you money. Yeah, but these are a lot of those big trucks, so I was just, I don't know, it's getting harder and harder for them. That's expensive. $4.39 a gallon? Isn't their companies reimbursing? Most of them work for themselves. Yeah.
What's going on in sports? Well, they had a big race out at Fontana this weekend. Kevin Harvick edged Jimmy Johnson to win the Auto Club 400. It's Harvick's first win this year. Let's listen to him talking about getting that first victory. Well, we had them all beat last year here, and I gave it away. So what a great day. All these guys did a great job on pit road, and Gil made the right call. I was like, I saw those guys pit at the end. I said, man, we might be in deep trouble. And we held those guys off, and our car just kept going. Yeah, Kyle Busch was killing him all day. Kyle Busch led 151 laps, and Harvick literally won it on the last lap of the day. It's like when we play Name That Tune. That's true. That's true. It's the same bit. Also, Chad Ochocenco has caught a little bit of a break. He's now been asked to play in a practice game. So he was trying out for Major League Soccer. Right. Didn't go so well. They're like, all right, we're going to give you one more chance. We're going to actually let you play in a game now. And he said it's his number one love. He said he loves it so much more than football. Really? Which is just insane. But he's like, I couldn't make any money doing it, and nobody would know who I am. I'm Ocho Cinco. Yeah. So now they're going to let him play in a game. We'll see how he does. Okay. Just do whatever you want. Yeah. Happy birthday. By the way. HBD, Chad.
An M1 is a Mikey Show listener. You listen exclusively to the Mikey Show. You love the Mikey Show. You spread the word about the Mikey Show. You belong to M1 Nation. You are extremely passionate. You will go overboard. You will slay a group of Wolverines just to get to the radio so that you can listen. to the Mikey Show. You will scale buildings. If the radio was on top of the building, you'll scale the building with a pair of those shoes that Woods has that has the suction cups on the bottom of them. Hugo Boss's, dude. Yeah, he's wearing them right now. Disgusting. From Milan? They're not. They are. And you can climb the building. Or some rack or something. Yeah, they're from Milan. You know what I'm saying? Hugo Boss. Just a little guy you might have heard of. Might have heard of him. You're wearing them with sweatpants. I know. That is true. You don't worry about it. If you're an M1, you might eat an eclair every single morning just so you can be more like Woods. You'll marry someone named Rebecca just because Mikey has a wife named Rebecca. That's right. You'll maybe marry someone 13 years older than you so you can be like Sienna. Correct. That's right. You will go to some sort of a special effects school just so that you can get a hold of...
the makeup devices that makes it look like you have a sore at your belt so that you could recreate the fat sore that Woods will get from his elastic waistband or jeans. We'll go surfing, skating, climbing, skiing, snow shilling, life-saving, sailing, paragliding, kite surfing, bodybuilding. Being good looking. Yeah. Massaging. Yeah. Just so you can be like Jay. Like Jay. M1 has a wet t-shirt contest with all M1s printed on the shirts. What? What did you do? Wet t-shirt contest? Uh-huh. No, no, no. What was even the first one? With all M1s? M1. What does that even mean? I want to hear that again. Like, I wish if I could rewind the radio. We need a TiVo. Yes, I want to go. I want to just get the TiVo because of what he just said. Oh, my God. Can we run that tape back tomorrow? What I said was. M1. M1. Likes to be in a wet t-shirt contest. And then M1. Little all over. M1 face all over. M1 all over. Get it? Your face in a.
T-shirt. It's wet. And it's wet. You like a wet t-shirt contest? M1. M1. M1. Like, you know, all our M1s, like Dorian and Mac. And put your face on it. And you just, you see it, you can see through it because it's wet. I want to squeeze them. You get it wet. You get it wet. Water. Makes it better. See through it. M1. M1. M1. M1 like to... What? M1 like to t-shirt wait. Boobs? Boobs. If you're a t-shirt, you take it. Wait. Jay didn't practice that one off the air. Let's please hear that. Let's please rewind that and hear it again. I love it. All right. So the Chula Vista 911 call. If you recognize this person's voice, let the authorities know because this person, this is a hoax. Yeah, this happened back on March 17th. A man who went by the name Christopher called 911 and said that he had killed his wife-to-be at his home, which was in Eastlake. 911 obviously took that call very seriously. They went to Eastlake. SWAT team went, Chula Vista Police Department.
It was just this huge operation that cost them a ton of money to go do. They couldn't trace the call? No, couldn't trace the call. They closed off a street and secured. There was a kid. Sorry, a kid. A school close by, and they secured all the kids. They couldn't leave the classrooms. I mean, this was a big deal. It lasted three hours and cost tens of thousands of dollars. And apparently he used some sort of device that they couldn't trace the call. Oh, my gosh. Here's the call. Just stay on the phone with me. I have to kill myself. It's only coming through on the left channel. He said, I have to kill myself. Okay, listen. Christopher, we're going to come and talk to you, okay? Don't do anything else, okay? You don't want to do that. I have to end it. Why do you feel like you have to do that? Christopher, just try to talk to me. Christopher.
Christopher, I know you're upset, but I need you to stay on the phone with me. I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have done it. She's not breathing. Okay. She's not breathing. Did you understand that? Okay, just stay on the phone with me. You shouldn't have done it, but we're going to come and help you, okay? I'm scared. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid, Christopher. Do not be afraid. If you stay on the phone with me, I'm going to walk you through this, okay? Do you have my address? I think we have your address, do you want to tell me? 2559, Johnny Peak Road. Yeah, what is the cross street there? Huh? What is the cross street? Pinnacle. Yeah. Are there any children in the house? Anybody else in the house with you? No, no children. No children. Me and Jennifer. Okay, and Jennifer's in the bathroom? She's in the tub. The tub is full of water. If you recognize his voice or his mail inbox, his email inbox, if you recognize either his voice or of him getting mail, let the authorities know. The couple who actually lived in the house, he gave an address and it was to a real house. Did they get mail?
They came home and found a fully engaged SWAT team there. And it's like, what the heck? I mean, it had nothing to do with the call. Did they say, listen, there's a man here whose voice can only be heard in a human being's right ear. Excuse me, left ear. Do you know of such a man? No. Every man I've ever met, sir, I can hear him in my left ear and my right ear. Okay. Well, the perpetrator we are looking for. Can only be heard in a human being's left ear. That he can only be heard. I'm taking this seriously because it is. Person is sick who would call and do it. It doesn't matter. Who does that? What is the possible motivation? Yeah, it sounds very sad. I'm freaked out by it. Well, if anybody recognizes that person's voice.
Let the authorities know. Did you think it was at all unusual that halfway through that piece, Sienna, the sound of an email? Yeah, it's probably because Jay loaded the audio and his email went off or something like that. It's an error sound from a PC. It's not a big deal. It's an error sound. I'm not having an error. It's not a big deal. Here's the deal. Get beyond it. Serious stuff. Mike. What if there is an error out there right now in the city? Exactly. We, as citizens, don't you look at me that way. I'm on board, Mike. I know. Thank you. There's an error out there. Try to talk some sense into this woman. Someone named Christopher is making hoax calls saying he's killing people. But what if somebody goes, wait a minute, I recognize that error sound. That's my friend John.
No one's saying that. He lives in Chula Vista, loves prank calls. Loves Chula Vista, loves prank calls. And you know what? Stop. He always has an error. Whenever he calls. Still on PC. That's the other thing. It's the problem. That's the other thing. It narrows it down. You're like, ah, the perp is on a PC. Couldn't be Mikey because he'd be on a Mac. Couldn't be a Mac. Can I be on a Mac? We're Mackies in here. Mackies. Bunch of Mac heads. Mac monkeys running around. Mac doctors? They think they may have found a suspect, but there's been a voice print match, but they still want other people to listen to the voice. Have they given any info about who they think it is? No. Just says the police say they may have a lead on the person behind the call but want more than just a voice print match before they can make the arrest. Maybe somebody that's called like the tip line before with a fake bit or something. 911 has asked the media to put the call in the air and have everyone listen and see if that voice is familiar. Maybe they give us better quality audio next time. I would love to do it. We'd love to help you. But they need to help us by giving us audio. Just listen closely with your left ear.
Okay, let me put my left ear up the speaker. Well, it starts normal. Stop. Hold on. It starts both. Uh-oh. I have an idea. Go ahead, Woods. Plug your right ear with the finger. Plug it, yeah. Just be like Jessica Simpson. Plug it. Okay, plug the right ear. Yep, and then hit it again. All right, let me hit it. Everybody, if you're in your car driving, don't do this because you need both hands on the steering wheel. Ten and two. Ten and two. Ten and two. But if you are a passenger, I invite you now. To stick your finger. We're all doing it. Or if you're at work, especially if you're at work, if you're at your desk right now. If you're having a hard time understanding what I mean, picture the Bee Gees recording an album. Yeah. Or Eminem. I have no snare in my headphones. Christopher, we're going to come and talk to you, okay? Don't do anything else, okay? You don't want to do that. Why do you feel like you have to do that? Because I can only be heard by human beings. Life and death is serious. There was no life and death. It wasn't life and death. There was life. It was a hoax. Yeah, but something is up. You don't just do that. Hello. Oh. Disorienting, disorienting. Yes, Mary. There's a horse in the background. Clydesdale.
That narrows it down, too. He's on a farm. He's on a farm with Clydesdales. Christopher, I know you're upset, but I need you to stay on the phone with me. Christopher, I know that you can only be heard from the left channel, but that is not enough reason to do this. I shouldn't have done it, and she's not breathing. Okay. There's blood everywhere. Okay. Okay, just stay on the phone with me. You shouldn't have done it. We're going to come and help you, okay? I hope somebody can recognize him. Yeah. Poor lady trying to do her job. Yeah, she does a good job, too. Yeah, she does. Why is he just giving? He gave a real address. That's what freaks me out. Don't go there. Don't you try to ignore.
The fact. I'm trying to take this seriously. I am trying to take this seriously. Save a life. There's no life to be saved. It's a good song. It's a hoax. I know. Let's play True or False with L.O.B. We're going to do a little L.O.B. pop culture quiz. Sienna's going to give five headlines and L.O.B. has to guess whether they are true or false. And we will do that. When we come back. Let me tell you. Let me tell you how sweet Chris is, our phone screen, our 23-year-old phone screen. It's so sweet. Lauren O'Brien, the person you would least expect, she took this, what is actually a food product, but looks just like a turd. Right. And she molded it to look like a turd. And I'm telling you, when I say it does, it looks exactly like one. It's a turd. It's a turd. It is. And she put it.
She put it on Chris's desk when Chris left. To go get us food. To go get us food. And to prank him, she put it there. Let me tell you what a nice kitty is. He finds it. He puts it out in the common area with a note that says, does this belong to anybody? Like he doesn't want somebody to lose their poo. I didn't even say anything. He walked in and I go, hey. Did you mind to tear it on your desk? Yeah, which is always the mark of a great joke. When you have to be like, so did you find that thing that I left for you? Hey, did you find that practical joke that I put on you? He did walk up to me. He walked up to me. He goes, is this yours? Did he? He was put out. Did he? Yeah, he did. I swear. Imagine my reaction. Oh, my God. If I was Chris. There would have been a table flip, a chair throw, a shoe throw. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Who has to my desk? Oh, my God. Quit. Buddy, who did this? Sienna, come here. Sienna. Sienna. Sienna. Is this yours? Sienna. That's how he says my name. I do? Sienna. Yeah, when you're freaked out, you go, Sienna. Sienna. C is her first name, N is her last name. Sienna. How am I supposed to say it? Sienna. Sienna. Sienna. You only do it like that, though, dude. You only do it when you're like.
Fired up. You never say my name otherwise. That's funny. Createyourdesignonline.com. Check it out. This is our friend Jared's website. And if you want graphic design, he's the only guy that you want to do it. He's making a website, I think, for my niece for her fashion design business. Nice. So pretty cool. He's the man. Createyourdesignonline.com. He's the best. All right. You ready to do this? Pop culture quiz? Yes. Oh, boy. All right. Now, here's the deal, LLB. The way that this is going to work is that Sienna is going to give you five headlines, okay? Okay. Again, five headlines. Now, from those five headlines that are in pop culture, you must tell us if it's true or false. Okay. Number one, Lindsay Lohan is now dropping the Lohan and just going by Lindsay. True or false, L.O.B.? True. It is true. Wow! Nice, L.O.B. Number two. Jessica Simpson is now expanding her clothing line to carry scuba flippers. True. It's true. Wow! Look at her! You are just a lucky guesser right now. Oh, my gosh. 50-50 odds. Okay. John Mayer has reached out to Rebecca Black and wants to record a song together.
True. False. It's the first one that she's got that's false. Okay, ready? No. Cameron Diaz has been casted as Lois Lane in the next Superman movie. False. Amy Adams has been cast. Ah. Look at you. Good job, L.O.B. And the last one. Snoop Dogg has memorialized Nate Dogg by tattooing his face on his arm. True. Yes. You knew you should know that. She only missed one. Well, yeah, she's going to know that Nate Dogg. Of course, she's going to know Nate Dogg. I asked Mikey all of these and he got everyone wrong. Whoa. Every single one of them. I got them all wrong. Beginner's luck, I guess. Holy cow. Good job, L.O.B. Now, next time we're going to let people... We talked about it. Maybe we let people guess, you know, like... We'll give the question, let people go. Yeah, she'll get it. No, she won't. Well, you just learned a little about pop culture in your car. Either way. Either way, yeah, you did. Woods, do you think that Jose Canseco is crazy? Yeah. You do? Yeah, I do. I read his book. But you know what? He's also... You're making me uncomfortable. Yep. I don't know what that means, but... You're making me uncomfortable. Ever just hitting buttons real good over here? Making me up.
I read his book. Wiener. You read his book. I read his book, and it was really interesting. I mean, the guy knows a lot about steroids, obviously did a lot of steroids, but I think he's got to screw loose. He's on Celebrity Apprentice, and they were showing him a video phone. Yeah. And here's what he said. When you mention your connect face-to-face no matter where they are, I'm talking about... On this planet? Can we go beyond that? In what realm are you referring? Communicating with aliens. In a very positive, very emotional, very funny way. I follow him on Twitter. He's a lunatic. Straight up. What's the problem with what he said? He wants to know if video phones can be used exclusively to video conference with human beings or...
Can you also use them for communicating with aliens? That's a fair question. Is it? Yeah, there's like satellite technology. Who knows? A lot of aliens on your Skype list? In my contact list, I have about three. There's three of them on hers. Not illegal aliens. Like real aliens. No. I got a Venetian. You do? From Venus? A Uranian? A Martian. Do you have a Uranian? Yes. I was going to say Marsian. I have a Plutonian, but Pluto doesn't really count as a planet anymore. I have an email. And you can tell me what you think of this. 570-1949. Mikey, my wife is a freaking nut. Oh, wow. That's very sweet. Nice guy. She's trying to buy vegetarian food for our dog made by Dick Van Patten. Easy, Dick. I'm I the crazy one here, he wrote. Am I. I think he meant am I. But what he wrote was, I'm I the crazy one here. She thinks our dog has an allergy to meat byproducts. M1 Sirloin. If your wife wants to start buying vegetarian dog food, it's time to have a conversation with your wife about not buying vegetarian dog food.
If he has, like, a sickness, the dog, and the vegetarian food is making it better, why wouldn't she? She maybe found the cure. Is this where we are now in society? The dog has a body just like us. How many dogs are vegetarians? Seriously, if they were in the wild, they would be eating animals. But they're not in the wild. If she's taking notice to him. Yeah, but they still want to eat what's in the wild. They want to go out there. Maybe it's a fake bit. Like, Woods. You claim allergies are a fake bit for human beings. They're not. They are. So you're telling me that a dog has allergies? Yes. And you know what? Maybe the dog does have allergies. Switch the dog food. Yeah. That's what she's trying to do. I'm sure she's tried other ones and this one helps. You guys know how much that stuff is? It's expensive. Oh, yeah. Dude, if you get your dog food at the vet's office, you're like... Great. That's $50 down the drain. And it lasts a week. Maybe don't buy Science Diet that's $80 billion a bag. But it's good for your... Why? You want the best for your... You want your pet to be around as long as possible. You're going to get your kids Gerber if they don't want Gerber? Yeah. No. But wait a minute. If my kids don't like Gerber...
I think they can still have Gerber. Just get them the generic, like, sugar-o's. Yeah, get them those. That should be good for them. Just get all your groceries at, like, CVS. Just get all the generics. All your kids' food that they eat is organic. Yes. That's true. Because your wife buys organic stuff. So now we're switching, like, dogs to organic and, like, vegetarian. They're part of the family. Yeah. They're not just dogs. You want, you know, the healthiest for all. Maybe the dogs will make it with Alpo. Well, it's not that they won't make it. But I mean, Jay's dog has a very special diet. Yeah, my dog eats raw chicken. Raw chicken. Wow. Why? Twice a day. Yeah, twice a day. My dog, his digestion was really weird. And so I was talking to this guy. He's like, dude, I changed my dog over to raw chicken. You should try it. So I looked it up, read this whole thing about it. And we decided we would do it, which is a lot of effort because my wife doesn't really like meat. So he eats chicken next. And chicken backs. Oh, my gosh. In the morning and at night. Uncooked? Uncooked. Because you can't give a dog cooked bones, chicken bones. Yeah. So, immediately, he stopped shedding. He was shedding all crazy. You can't say that word on the radio. Shedding. Shedding. Shedding his hair. Shedding his fur. I mean, a little bit. And then, when he does poop now in the yard, which before, it was gross. It was mucusy.
Oh, wow. Now it comes out and it dries to powder the next day. It dries to powder. Wow. It's incredible. The next day? It turns white and just powder. Wow. Wow. Vaporized. And his teeth are super clean because he's gnawing at the bones and exercising the muscles in his neck, which it all talks about. How much does that cost? This is amazing. I've only found it at one place and it's 98 cents a pound. Oh. And you probably get about eight pounds. Pounds of that stuff, you know, will last forever. It comes frozen. The butcher just, you know, and it's labeled as dog food at the butcher, which is crazy. That's all the parts that people don't really like. Yeah. It's cheap. The dog probably loves it. Oh, the dog loves it. And in the wild, he would eat the chicken roll. You know what, though? That's cheap. Yeah, it's not expensive. Dick Van Patten's special vegetarian, you know, dog food. There's nothing too good. They should do some, like, experiments. Just regular dog food, and then that, and then try another brand, and then the dick, and then see if the dog consistently goes to the vegetarian food. I forgot his last name. Van Patten. Yes, Van Patten. I didn't mean to do it. Didn't you? I did it! Didn't you? I was going to say Van Dyke, and I knew you guys were going to make fun of me, so I just went with dick. Well, this guy also told me that a lot of veterinarians, they get kickbacks from the big food companies, and so they don't want it.
They don't want to direct you off of the high dollar food. Jay is so against the doctors getting the kickback. Yeah, me too. Does that work with small dogs? Yeah, absolutely. Jay wants to root out every doctor getting a kickback and just expose them nude. Me too. Here's what he wants to do. He wants them to be handcuffed with a rope in front of their nude bodies and paraded down Mission Gorge. Tell everybody what you've got. He would love it. Tell everybody what you've got. Go ahead, Dr. Kickback. Show everyone your tiny winner. You're out there nude. Just getting dragged on a road. You kickback guy. He hates it so much. They should have to write all the kickbacks they've gotten on their nude body. On their nude body. Tattoo them permanently. Golfing. I got a golf trip. for selling Purina to some girl in college. Ain't that right, Kickie Kickback? Kickie Kickback or something. Ain't that right, Dr. Kickback, you nudie? You got your bald head and your cul-de-sac hair because you're middle-aged? And you got red chest hair and your freckles on your back?
You just lick it. You've got a fat belly because you don't even follow what you say. You look like Woods. Wish you'd follow your own advice now, don't you? Because you're sagging. Where's your cigarettes, kicker? You're just blasting ciggies real good. Kickback monkey. Why? He hates it. M1 Gabby from San Diego. Good morning, guys. How are you? Oh, I'm fighting food poisoning. Oh. I just felt like, oh, don't talk too much because I might get it. Keep it to yourself on the phone. I was listening to you guys talking about the dog food and it made my stomach turn, but it reminded me of my dog and how she eats that Dick Van Patten's Natural Balance dog food. And, you know, the vet, speaking of Dr. Kickback, had asked me to buy this dog food, some Royal Canin or something at $95 a bag. Oh.
My gosh. You don't even eat that well, I bet. I don't even. Exactly. I'm like, I'm going to have to take out a second mortgage to feed this dog. They should hang him. You know, like. They should hang him. They should hang him. Take him to the galas and hang him. Hang him with a bag of Dick Van Patten. Son of a bitch. Probably made $20 on that bag. Yeah. Yeah. They should hang Mr. Bradford. That's who he played on. It is enough. Hang him by that tie. Oh, my God. And put it on his head. Put it on his head. Put the bag over his head like he's saying Guantanamo. Guantanamo. And then put the necktie and hang him from his own dog food. Fair. If it's fair, it's fair. Waterboard him. Yeah, waterboard him. Waterboard him and give him ringworm. Food for a third of the cost. And yes, the scratching stopped. The poops, no offense, were normal. None taken. Everything was much better. So it may be crazy, but it actually works. Thank you. Hope you feel better. Oh, wow. That's the dog. You know what I'd do to those doctors? I'd inject them with Parvo. Jay, you can't do that. Yeah, you can too. It won't affect them. It won't affect them because it's only a dog disease, but I'd give them Parvo. I'd replace their sugar with chlorophyll. See what happens.
See what's up? Oh, my gosh. Go ahead. Make some coffee, Dr. Kickback. Wouldn't you do eating that sugar anyway? Told me I shouldn't have it. I bet you got that coffee on the house, didn't you? Yeah, didn't you? Big surprise. Oh, really? Folgers, one of your visitors, brings bagels in every couple weeks? Oh, you got the individual cup makers. How much that costs you? Nothing? Nothing. How about nothing? Oh, I see you got yourself a nice little Arrowhead spring water dispenser over there. How much that run you? Nothing. Big old pile of nothing. That cost a lot, like free. $3.99. How many dollars did that cost you? Nothing dollars. Zeros of tens of twenties of dollars. Emma and Samantha from San Diego, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. What do you do? I've been advertising. Oh, okay. No, but, I mean, what do you do with your... Oh, what do I do with my dog? Yes, ma'am, yes. Basically, like, my dog was having a lot of problems. He had, like, skin problems, arthritis, even diarrhea over the summer, and I just switched him off his food. Yeah. I switched him off his food to, like, a bland diet, and I cooked him chicken and rice. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
You cooked your dog chicken and you actually prepared. What's your problem with it? She loves her dog. She loves her dog. I would do it. She takes care of her animals. I would do it. Yeah, well, the thing is, I mean, he didn't like the vet dog food, which was, first off, expensive. Why don't you take him to Donovan's? What she was making was probably cheaper. Hey, he didn't like the dog food. Now you guys go to Denny's, you know? No. You don't want your dog to be sick. Dog's just got eyeglasses down to the bridge of his nose and he's flipping through the menu. When you have a sick dog, you have a mess all over your head. That's right. It's more work for you. You have a cat that goes in a litter box. Dogs leave their trail everywhere. You have to clean it up. You do not want that. But he actually, like, for switching him off of the vet diet to this one, it actually made him a lot better. He was actually eating his food, and I haven't seen any of those problems come back. There you go. And it probably is more cost-efficient, huh? It's more cost-efficient. I mean, you can find cheap chicken anywhere, and rice is cheap, so it all works out. You just can't cook it with oil or salt. Oh, ramen. You can make a bunch on a sundae and just put it in the fridge. She's a good mom. She's a good mom there. There you go.
So do them twice a day. You stew with your dogs, too. Thank you. I like that. I've got five dogs. Can you imagine? Holy cow. Just make a big cauldron. A cauldron of chicken. Babe! I'm stirring with a gigantic... Babe! Babe, I need help stirring this cauldron. I'm standing on a ladder stirring this cauldron. There's 15 chickens around my house. I'm like... Hey, listen. She wants to do that. That's fine. That's fine. I think you think it's insane. You think it's insane. I think you think that if you have a pet, you walk in, you get the 300-pound bag of Alpo. From Costco. From Costco, you're like, here. You eat what we give you. It doesn't even say Alpo. It says dog food. Dog food. Dog food. Yeah. They eat it. They like it. You know, they eat it up. You know, the dogs don't go, I don't know about this stuff, man. It's not right with my palate. Yeah, this is not resonating. This is not resonating. I bet your cat Jules eats organic. 100. I guarantee it. I guarantee you, Jules, I don't have a clue what Jules eats. Weird. Obviously. But I can guarantee you he's not eating filet mignon food. It's organic. It's organic. More expensive. If that were true. It is. Oh, it is true. It's true. If that were true. She's a good mom. I'm telling you, my allowance would go up today. Get her on the phone. Dude, there's no way.
You can, but I bet you don't. Scrubs are kind of a specialty of mine. Yes, pleasing a woman in every way is something that I just do. I'm sort of known for being a regular Casanova. Don Juan is what I was called in high school. Yes, I know how to kiss well. I'm good in the bedroom. So what? So silly. Y'all ain't going to hurt my feelings, okay? Y'all ain't going to hurt my feelings if you tell me how great I am in the bedroom. Yes, all four of my children are models. That's right. You won't hurt my feelings if you tell me that my stomach looks like a washboard. That's right. I get it all the time. Yes, you can bounce quarters off my behind. That's how hard it is. I can't hip it. That sounds real good. I love it so much. What's going on in the news, Sienna?
Well, it was a rumor last week and now it has been announced true. Eddie Vedder is going on a solo tour and will actually be coming to San Diego July 5th at the Copley Symphony Hall. There you go. Thought you guys may want to know that. Also, Jersey Shore had the highest rated season finale ever. 7.6 million viewers making it the highest rated season finale in its history. Wow, man. Don't put any spoiler alerts out there for me, people. You want to enjoy it in its entirety. They're stuck right now. I can't watch the new one that's on there until April 4th. Really? Maybe you get cable. No. I like one show that's on, and it happens to be the most terrible program. You know you can get a cable plan for like $4.99 a month. No, you can't. No, you can't. You just won't do it, though. I know what will happen. I will get sucked into every television show. Really? Really? Yes. I have no discipline. Zero. The Jersey Shore, I never saw it up until a couple weeks ago, and I could get four of the shows on demand. I watched all four in a row. Yeah. It has some sort of power. Like, I was laughing. They're funny. Sucks you in. It is. I've done it, too. They're funny. It got me one day. I hated myself, but I loved it. Oh, yeah. I felt like an idiot. I think you can walk away being like, I'm so much better than them. I don't know. It's a little bit of that. Plus, they have no obligations. I'm so jealous of where they are. I would hate it, wouldn't I?
Oh, Mikey. I would despise it. It's like a dirty house. You would loathe it. I would loathe it. It is. It's dirty house. And all they talk about is just slaying and getting just hammered. You'd be like, oh, boy. No, but they do like. Super, super fly hole. They do super little, super. They do little funny like shenanigans with each other. It's everything that I hate about culture. They had Mike. I hate them. The toilet was clogged and they all live there together. Three boys, three girls, right? Or four boys? Four and four. And the toilet was clogged and they were all in there and someone flushed their underwear down the toilet and they had to get a professional in there. And they're all trying to get, it was the most disgusting thing. It was foul. It was disgusting. I feel like I could smell the smell from watching the TV. Oh my gosh. I just left my body. I know. I just left my body. I know. He pulled that piece out. I don't want anything to do with a Jersey Shore. Nothing to do with it. I didn't think I would. I know. No. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, Tim Stauffer has been named the opening day starter for the San Diego Padres, which is really cool. So their opening day is March 31st. The Padres will open against the Cardinals in St. Louis. And then Aaron Harang will start the home opener next week. And the final four has been set. Let me tell you these teams.
Virginia Commonwealth is going to be taking on Butler. The powerhouse of VCU will be taking on Butler on Thursday, and UConn will be taking on Kentucky on Thursday as well. It should be a good Final Four. Yeah. How's our office pool doing? I am in the lead right now, but not by much, and I don't have any of these Final Four teams, so I don't know what happens. Does that mean I won? I don't have a single team in there. Does that mean Woods won? I'm not keeping track of it. That's Woods' bit. Oh, great. I think I won. Everybody owes me $20. We'll find out. An M1 is a Mikey Show listener. An M1 will listen to the Mikey Show for a long period of time. You will tell people about the Mikey Show. You turn people on to it. You are a fanatic about the Mikey Show. You'll own a burrow just because you want to. Try to be like me. You'll shop at Tommy Bahama, you know, incessantly. Don't wear Tommy Bahama. Incessantly. I don't wear Tommy Bahama. Make your own cologne. Yeah. To be like Mikey. I did that once. I did that once. You'll wear white V-neck t-shirts every day like Woods. Every day. Yeah. Wind pants. That's right. You'll give up on yourself. Just let yourself go into a fat pig like me. Or that can imply to me or you. Which is fair enough. You'll eat at McDonald's three or four times a day. Yeah. To be just like the kid. Don't eat. Don't. I won't hurt you.
It will hurt you. You can still be an M1 and not do that. Please don't do that. An M1 raps that rascal. What? You know. Oh, gosh. No? Rascal? An M1 raps that rascal. I'm not really sure. I have an idea. I don't know where that one came from. Woods is just looking at Jay right now. Like, ah, dude, you're really out there. You just say stuff. You just say stuff. I got a booty. Oh, boy. Don't worry about that one, Mike. Just let that one go. Just let that slide right back. How do I let that go? You know, you just rise above and you just think you can't control Jay. I know, but... You can only hope to contain him. Yeah, you can only hope to just move on and just pretend like it never happened. I can't turn his microphone off. I know. That's the problem. I don't have control. That's not a problem. That's a benefit. I don't have a control of any of his equipment. I know, but you can control ours. So, I mean, at least it's like four out of five. But his is the only one that I really need to be able to control.
I probably have the worst track record when it comes to getting dumped. I'm probably third, which is amazing on this show. That's all right. Sienna has a list of the top colognes. I do. Oh, wow. But I'm an old woman. I don't wear cologne. Let me just say. I may have gone to a female cosmetic store yesterday. Surprise. That sells two aisles of male cologne. Okay, why? Because I knew they had the two aisles. I went with Rebecca once. I knew they had the two aisles. Did you get your colors done while you were there? All right. Mike, how many colognes do you have again? We've established this a few months ago. Over 100. Yeah, it's close. No, it was not. Over 60. It was like 62. That was a few months ago. Yeah, now we're probably in the 70s. Easily. I was at Nordstrom, and the lady was going, how about, would you like to try to smell it? And I go, I have that. And she goes, oh, okay.
And after about the fifth time I did that, you could tell she thought I was lying. She goes, oh, what about this crazy one? What about do-do-do-do-do-do? And I go, I have that one. And she goes, oh. She didn't believe you. She didn't believe you? No. Because I had said five in a row I had gone, I have that. She saw that you had a wife with you, right? And she was like, oh. Well, I guess she assumed you were a heterosexual male. Yeah, she did. And she didn't think that you had a drawer full of 70-plus clothes. We're all assuming that. I stood there with my tattoos. Yeah. You know, and my hard look. But the truth is, I love cologne. You do. And I wish that I, if I won the lottery, I would make my own signature fragrance. Write that down, LB. Please. I would. I would love to be, you know how, listen, you know how Puff Daddy.
Yeah. He's got his own. We smell what you made, Mike. I know, but see, here, let me tell you. It smells so bad. It does. It went bad. Frankincense in there? No, no, there's no frankincense in it. Isn't there? There's not. But that, you know why that smells bad? Because of the myrrh that's in there. No, there's no myrrh in it. The reason that stuff smells bad is because it's all natural. It's oils. There's no chemicals. Like, see, the cologne that we buy, it's chemicals. It's bad for you, but that's the stuff that smells good. This is all natural stuff. So your dream, in fact, is to be a fragrance guy. I would love to make... I would make a cologne that would be so sexy that girls would... They'd start salivating at the mouth. More than likely. Write that whole thing down. Yeah. That's the truth. I believe that, Mike. What would you call it? Drop and trowel. I would call it drop and trowel. Butthole. What? I don't know. You know why I don't know? Because it went... It said butthole. Well, we're going to take you to the house. I'll see you guys tomorrow morning. You said that's what it was. Smell. Maybe Rick, maybe our general manager calls me into his office and he goes, you know, most days I understand the show. I just...
Today, I just, I don't really know where you're going. Plus, this whole thing about you and who you are and everything. Didn't I hear a butthole or something like that today? It's weird. I tuned in at about 10 after 9 and I heard rot, rot. Rot, rot. And you asked. You were like, what is it? And it turns out that it was a thing that says butthole. Now, when I hired you. It seems like that really wasn't who you are. And I didn't think I was getting a show that was necessarily like, you know, the butthole type drop thing. And I would say, I would look at him straight face and I would go, I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what to tell you. Sorry. I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. All right. Now, don't get mad at me. I didn't make up this list, but I'm just going to give you, I found this online. It says of 2010 and 11, the best colognes. Ungaro 3. Never heard of it. Me neither. Looks kind of cool. Never heard of it. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Let me see. I need to see. Never heard of it. Okay. Oh, but... Okay, go ahead. All right. That said, the all-time winner of the list.
Davidoff Hot Water. Davidoff. Davidoff Hot Water and Cool Water. There's a cologne called Hot Water? I didn't know they made Hot Water. Cool Water was 1997. But did you know that there was something called Hot Water? No, but I did. I'll tell you what. I loved Cool Water. Oh, dude. Cool Water was a big player in the 90s. This was probably spicy. Huge player. Probably got a spicy smell to it. Probably. Yeah. Okay. Acquadigio. Yeah. Armani. Yeah. Bought that for a boyfriend. Kind of over that. Yeah, overdone. A little played out. Obsession by Calvin Klein. 1978. I'm telling you, don't give up. Sienna, why did you do this list? Sienna, this is your list. Why are you trying to kill us? You made a crazy list. Sienna. Also, I used to have said that. Crazy list. Tom Ford. Oh, yeah. Dude, I finally smelled it. Because everybody talks about Tom Ford. So, same trip last week to Nordstrom. I said, do you have Tom Ford? She goes, oh, yeah. I'm like, okay. I smelled it. I'm like, it smells like a guy's rocking chair. Is he rocking, Woody? It smells like an old man's leather rocking chair. I'm like, is it? You like it? Yeah, I kind of like it. I don't want to smell it now. No, if it smells like that, I'd be in. I haven't smelled it yet, but I like Tom Ford. Every cologne that I like, clean. I like colognes that smell like you came out of the shower. Yeah, I like that, too.
Okay, another one on the best colognes list is Vintage Black, Kenneth Cole. Hello, Bree. You don't like that one? Hello, Bree. Do not like it. Okay. Don't like any Kenneth Cole cologne. Ferrari Black by Ferrari for Men. What? Never heard of it. Ferrari? Hello, Bree. Yeah, it's like the Ferrari. Wow. Like the car? Yeah. Where do you buy that? Gas station? You put a couple quarters into the machine? It says you can get it. Amazon is my choice for this one. Was this just one dude's list of favorite colognes? Joe from Escondido's favorite colognes. Why did you make this list? Why did you make this list? You made a crazy list. Mike, why are you upset? Take a deep breath. Because Ferrari colognes. Ferrari? Don't be jealous because you can't make a cologne. Just say in or out. You don't need to get mad. You made an insane list. You're screaming at me. Mikey. Have you tried my new Honda Civic? My Honda Civic Cologne? It's the greatest. This is so good. It's called Volkswagen Bus. This is old school. It's a Pinto. This is Gio. It's so good. Okay. Jean-Paul Gaultier? Gaultier. Oh, yeah. The dumbest bottle I've ever seen in my life. You know what it is? It's the naked torso. That's the only Cologne I know. Period. Jean-Paul Gaultier? Yeah.
Why do I say it like that? I'm going to say this one wrong. And Woods and Mike are going to be the ones that get it right. Yves Saint Laurent. Yves Saint Laurent. I thought it was Yves. Yves Saint Laurent. Yves Saint Laurent. Yves Saint Laurent. That's what I wear, by the way. You wear Yves Saint Laurent? Yves Saint Laurent. You bought it for Todd. No, I didn't. Yes, you did. You're gonna. I didn't buy it. Oh, you didn't? It was too woody. Ladies, you want to know a great cologne for your guy? It's not woody. Egoise. Easy. Easy what? Cologne guy. Easy cologne guy. Cologne guy. What is Egoise? Is it French? Chanel. Let go of my Egoise. Chanel. Look at this guy. Yes. You guys are nervous, you guys. Chanel Egoise. It's a sharp cologne. Amazing. You guys should put this much effort into your workout routine. Look how good those fat guys smell. Wow, Tim. Look at that fat ass with all that cologne on him. Well, that fatty smells good, don't he? Hey, Chubbs, you smell like a peach. Hey, morbidly obese man. You smell so good in your morbidly obese sweater. Oh, my gosh. That was fantastic. Hey, Moves. Moves. Hey, Moves.
You smell so good under those fat rolls. My comment was dripping with implication. His was just right in there. You guys are disgusting. Look at those two fat guys. Hey, look at those two drastically overweight men. Adults. If you can't look good, smell good, I guess. If you're going to be fat, wear a lot of cologne. You ain't nowhere near being good looking, but you smell pretty. You slather your rolls in all the toilet. All the toilet. Oh, my gosh. Hey. Sweet smelling rolls. Okay. Is that it of the terrible list? Don't hit my list. It's the worst list you've ever compiled. Oh, for sure. I've never. Why did you come up with this? You spent all weekend working on this. Why did you spend all weekend? You have a baby. You know, like. Come on. If you're going to do it, don't go half A. I pushed her in. I saw it online. Poor Sienna. Golly. The last one on here is... Sienna! That is a perfect example of when he would give me the... Sienna! No, Sienna! Now you got me all spun out. Sienna! Sienna! Canali man is the last one. What? Canali man. I prefer cannoli, man. Clearly. I bet you do. Clearly.
Yeah, you like Big Mac from him too, don't you? Ooh, there's a million dollar idea. Grisco for gender neutral. Grisco. Just a pad of butter in each armpit. Oh, God. Davidoff hot water. We got to go find that. Yeah. I got to find it. Where do they sell this? They don't sell it at Staples. I ain't buying it. I got me some Ricky Rudd. Yeah. It's real good. I got Ricky Rudd cologne. They sell it at Chevron and some 76s. I don't know what you guys are talking about. Old Spice is a classic. No, I actually use old spices. When I first bought the bottle, it was just called Spice. Oh. Jacef. See if you can get Rebecca on. My poor angel. She's got that cold I had. Yeah. Passing around to everyone. I didn't give it. Just throwing around to everybody. I've been meaning to tell you today. I've been feeling under the weather actually all day. All day? Yeah. All day meaning like for the last three hours. She said that when she came in this morning. I've been up since 345. So about.
Almost six hours now. You feel better, though. Good, right? Yeah. You good to go? I'm good. Listen, I don't know what to do. You feel okay, though? Yeah. I'm on the upside. Good. Good for you. Lucky you. On the upswing, you know. Can't wait to get to that point. Thanks for washing your hands all the time. I did. Lauren, you'll feel better when that happens in like a week or so. It's like six days. Yeah, six days. Six, seven days. That's what we're looking at. How you feeling, honey? You better? Oh, I'm feeling really sick today. Oh, boy. I know. Worse than yesterday? Probably about the same. Did I tell you that Claudia said she's starting to feel sick? Oh, boy. Yeah. She told me that, too, and I just blocked it out. Yeah. If you get a headache, Claudia gets the flu. That's the truth. I love her.
But if you bust a nail the next week, she's like, I have AIDS. I'm sorry. I have AIDS. Oh, my gosh. I knew it. As soon as I was like, I knew Claudia would be like, I just want to let you know. But anyway, hey, honey, the reason that we're calling you. Yeah. Is because I thought that you would be willing to talk about your disaster kit. My wife is preparing for. The apocalypse? Armageddon? No, a natural disaster. She's smart. A natural disaster. We have a family of five. That's right. We have wildfires here. It's not just you and I that we're dealing with. We're dealing with three young kids. If something were to happen and we didn't have access to the usual resources, I'd like to be prepared.
Yeah. Enchilada sauce. Imagine if you didn't have spare diapers, Mike. Imagine if there was no enchilada sauce. Or no jalapenos in the entire house. I don't like enchiladas, and I don't generally have jalapenos. You've done yourself that. You grow them. I don't. Well, I have. But I... Sorry, habaneros. Well, babe, so what did you... Because you had a list. It probably had, it's conservative, 40 items on it. Yeah, probably around that. About 40. Yeah, I've been wanting to do it for a long time, ever since we moved in. And I've just been putting it off, putting it off, putting it off. And then obviously, you know, with the recent events over in Japan, it just brought it to the forefront about how important it is to have, you know, something prepared in case of emergency. And, you know, I started doing a little bit of research when I was putting my list together.
Found out, I did not know this, that if we have a major earthquake, the first thing that you should do to provide safety for your family is to go outside and locate the gas shutoff valve and to turn the gas off. There it is. There's the gas valve. Wow. See, that's good to know. Yeah. Yeah, right? And when I found it, I actually found some instructions that show pictures of what it looks like. the fact that you need an adjustable wrench to do it. You have one of those, Mike? We do now. We do now. Because Rebecca did this. Now, I think that's a good idea. Did you help at all in any capacity? Yeah, I mean, morally, I think I was there to support her. You were behind her? Yeah, I was behind her. It's better to know it and not need it. That's funny, because it sounds like you're making fun of me. Yeah, that's what it sounds like. You know, listen, it was, you know, it's... Very... Yes? A lot. Is it? No, it's not. It's really not that much. It's not. If you consider what, you know, like food and water and, you know, things to keep warm and... Have you... Did you already get all the stuff, Rebecca? What's that? Did you already get all the stuff? It's kind of coming in in waves because I ordered it from different places. My question is, where do you put everything? Like, in the garage?
Yeah, I'm going to get, like, a couple of those, you know, those, like, big bins, those Tupperware. That, like, can go under your bed? Stuff like that. I'm going to put them in a garage. The bigger ones. Oh. Yeah, the bigger ones. And, you know, obviously just label them and put them in a place that they're... So smart. I'm doing it. I need one. How long could you guys survive based on when it's done? Yeah, the rule of thumb, from what I understand, is three days. So you want to prepare for three days. Three days of water, three days of food, you know, ability to communicate with the outside world and get information. And so that's what I've prepared for. Did you get some like, there's like battery powered radio or something like that? Yes, exactly. I have a list. And I want to read it, and I want to know if Rebecca got all these things. Top ramen. No. First of all, I'm going to start with water. Rebecca just said it. How much water do you need? You need at least a three-day supply. Now, the rule of thumb is have one gallon of water per person per day. That's it. Right. One gallon water per person per day. Five gallons a day. Fifteen gallons of water. Yep. So you think Luke and Ryan are going to drink a gallon of water?
Well, I think I counted them as one. So I think I prepared for four. You've got to count me as three. Yeah, for the food. Now on to first aid. I will ration your supply. That's right. First aid supplies that you're going to need in your disaster kit. Mike just needs a trough. Hey, Rebecca, make sure you put bacon in there for him, all right? Yeah, Rebecca. Did you get pants with elastic on the brakes? For your preparedness? They're putting napkins in there, maybe a bit. Hey, you got some old maternity pants laying around that you can throw? Hey, Rebecca. Hey, Rebecca. Do you put KC Masterpiece on there? You better put a combination on there. Old tubs will get in. She doesn't need barbecue sauce. What about Doritas? Yeah. Did you just put the word bread? Because if Mikey's around, you're going to need it.
Yeah. You better label it vegetables. Vegetables. He won't get into that. Yeah. Yeah. If you don't want Mikey to touch it, just put salad. Put healthy items on the outside. Healthy foodstuffs. And then he won't touch it. Vitamins. I promise. Vitamins. Minerals. Exercise equipment. Yeah. Yeah, just write the word workout stuff. And that's where you keep the peanut butter to keep it away from Mackey. Some first aid supplies that you need. Did you get first aid supplies, Rebecca? Yeah. Okay. These are some of the ones you want. The basic things, you want to have several bandages of various sizes, gauze pads, adhesive tape, scissors, tweezers, antiseptic, a thermometer. What do I need tweezers for? Petroleum jelly. Pluck your eyebrow. Sunscreen. What do you need Vaseline for? Safety pins. What do you need that for? Emergency. What if all your clothes get ripped to shreds? Aspirin. Yeah. Laxative. Laxative. Some poison control supplies. Yeah. What if you... If you ingest something, you need the laxative to get it out. Yeah, it even says anti-diarrhea medicine. The NuvaRing. You got to make sure you got that. What else I got? What? I also got, because I got like a little first aid kit that has all those things in it. And then I also got...
a basic first aid, like, book. It's like a little handbook. Oh, brilliant. To put with it so that, you know, if there's an injury, then we can figure out. You are so lucky, Mike. Yeah. You are lucky, Val. Like, that's a beating, what she's done. Because you're thinking you can just go down to the store, but what if the stores are wiped out? It's closed. They'll be closed. Okay, you guys. Or there's been a rush. There's no doubt. Like, I agree. But if the stores are closed, like, do we really think that after three days it's going to be all good? No, it's not. Well, it gives you a fighting chance. Yeah. By the time we leave. You know, the government, yes. Yeah. At some point, there's some sort of, like, rescue mission, something like that. Troops show up. Yeah. And they start to distribute food and water. Yeah. Mike, you're going to want that. Yeah. Especially the food. Food part. Definitely. Did you hear what I said? I said food. Food. Mike. Don't go crazy in there. Mike. F-O-O-D. Food. Edibles. Things you can eat. You could just store all this on the top shelf. Mike, you won't get to it then. Rebecca, don't worry about it. He's got an extra layer. He's going to be fine. He can stand to burn some off anyway. That's right. Four of you can eat him for days. Oh, my God. Listen, he can hibernate half the time that you guys. And then he'll just use his fat storage.
It'll do some good, actually. Yeah. Hell, he needs to be praying for a national staff. Mike, if I was you, I'd move to Nagasaki. Seriously. Because that's the best place for you. Or any place there's no grocery store. Okay, there's a lot more you need to learn. All right. Now we're on to food. You guys should all do this. Okay. Rebecca's right. You're going to want a lot, a big supply of non-perishable food. Now you need to have at least a three-day supply ready to go if you have to leave your house. That way you have three days worth of food going with you. Yeah. Hey, babe, just imagine me opening a can of Spam. I know. And cutting off a piece with my pocket knife for you. Here you go, babe. Feast. You'll eat it if you're starving. Yeah, when I was buying the non-perishable foods. I was thinking to myself, I wonder who would complain more about this, me or you? Probably me. Most of the stuff I find disgusting, but then, yeah, you're kind of a foodie. Get some beans. But you want to have a two-week supply at your house because if you stay home after this disaster happens, then you have food for two. Tortillas? Mm-hmm. They can go back. That's not perishable. It's perishable? Yeah. Sorry, dude. You get the jalapenos, you know.
In a can. In a can. I don't. You can just drink the whole thing for fuel if you want it. I don't know. It's like spinach to Popeye. Right. Did you pack clothing too? Is there just TB real good? Tommy Bahama just loaded up in there? I don't wear a Tommy Bahama. You have to pack. You do. You do. Or eat Halloween. Yeah, I haven't packed clothing yet. I need to. What I did do is like blankets and tarps. and things like that that can keep you warm and dry. Perfect. It says get some warm clothes. Also, you need one complete change of clothes for each person. You want a coat, sturdy shoes or boots, long pants, gloves, hat, scarf, thermal underwear, rain gear. You want soap, toilet paper, detergent. Let's just get another house for all your stuff. A thousand years from now, they're going to dig up our house and go, oh, hoarders. Yeah, hoarders. Exactly. I think the detergent might be a little, like, who's going to be like, I need to do a load before we start heading east. In this gray water. Let's do a wash before we go. Before we leave, why don't you throw a load in so that we can get on with starving. What if something happened and you're one of the boys?
Spit up or something? Yeah, totally. Perfect. Just a quick little wash in some water. Not like a washer dryer. Listen, I want to look good when I starve, so if you can, just throw it loaded. Would you iron my shirt? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Starch in there, too. Babe, you didn't get starch? You guys. What kind of kid is this? What kind of kid is this? Did you get anything to entertain Mikey? Where are the dryer sheets? No. No, you did it? No, because then you would need to have, like, wireless internet in a bottle. It's true. True. They don't have, like, dehydrated internet? No. Just add water. Just add water. Now, there's one more category for preparing for this disaster kit. You want tools and special items. These are operated radio and batteries, flashlight. You want some cash, non-electric can openers. There's no stores open. Emergency. Emergency. Pliers, compass, matches, signal flare. Imagine Mikey with signal flare. Yeah. I'd burn my hand off. Paper and pencil. Wrench to shut off household gas and water, like Rebecca said. Whistle and a map of the immediate area. Stop playing fart noises. Mikey, this is serious. It's natural gas. It's natural gas. I bet Jay has all those tools at home already. So do we. Do you have a disaster kit? Saving this list. I just call it my house. Yeah. Fair enough. All right, hon. I love you.
Thanks, Rebecca. I love you, too. Bye, Rebecca. Hope you feel better. There you go. I bet you Neil Young has a disaster, kid. I bet he does not. I bet he does. You do? Yeah. Why would you not do it? His is full of weed, though. That's all that's in there. Marijuana. Jack Daniels. Yeah. Where's my rolling papers? That was Neil Young, Mike? Yeah. Where's my rolling paper? Sandler? Yeah. Where's my rolling paper? Andy Rooney. M1 Termite Finder from San Diego. You make a good point. You need what? I would recommend that everybody has extra water because if your main water line breaks, the first time you use the toilet, you're out of water. You're out of water. You can't flush the toilet without water. Just dig a hole. Dig a hole in your backyard.
Take a hold of the neighbor's backyard. Thank you, brother. That's a good point. Yeah. Lady Gaga released a country version of her song Born This Way. Oh, boy. And we have it. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, The Strokes. Jerry. Angles. This is OMD. Did you know that? Orchestral maneuvers in the dark. That's right. You ever see those guys? Uh-uh. Looked like the cantina scene in Star Wars. Really? That's a jam, though. It is. I will give you that. You ever heard the song, Sienna? I have. Okay, good. It's in a movie, maybe with Drew Barrymore. Pretty in Pink. Breakfast? No, probably directed by John Hughes. That's right. Okay, so Gaga, who I think is the beginning of the end. Really? She's...
She's got very catchy music, but I hate stuff that it says. I hate that kids love it. And then, like, little girls. They love it. By little girls, you mean me? Yeah, me. She released a country version of her song. What's her song? Born This Way. Born This Way. Put your paws up. Because you were born this way, baby. Still sounds like the pop version to me. It still sounds a lot like Express Yourself by Madonna. It sure does. I was...
How come Madonna hasn't, you know, maybe she wanted that. Maybe Gaga wanted Madonna to sue her for the publicity. Give her some legitimacy. Probably. You know? Because it's, dude, it's a direct, it sounds just like it. Yeah, it's express yourself. Yeah. Country is like, I think, becoming popular recently. Rihanna is performing at the American Country Music Awards this weekend. Rihanna. Well, they were showing this thing. They got all the old presidents together, you know. And all the performers are like country artists. Yeah. Safe. Safe. Yep. It hits most of middle America, for sure. Love country. I like country. Turns out LOB likes country. I like real country. Going to stagecoach this year. Why is that? What? That's so funny to me. Why? It is because I wouldn't have thought that LOB would be the stagecoach. Stagecoach is like Coachella for country. Yeah. She's not going to Coachella. She's going to Stagecoach. Yeah. Which is, she's from New Jersey. Yep. It's weird. I'm picking some dirt around with my boots on, just, you know. You're going to wear jeans and boots and stuff? Uh-huh. Maybe this old plaid shirt that I got on now. Will you really wear, like, will you kind of dress country? I'll probably wear the boots that I have and some jeans and, you know. We're going to be out in the dirt, so I'm not going to be wearing flip-flops, that's for sure. What dirt? Boots are good.
There's going to be dirt out there. It's polo fields. It's grass-covered polo fields. It's beautiful. We'll get me out in the grass then. Cowboy hat? Nah. I'm not going to be a poser. I mean, come on. What's a poser? I don't wear cowboy hats ever, so I wouldn't get one just for the occasion. You like country. That means you're not a poser. But I mean, to wear a cowboy hat, to just be like, yeah, this is what I do. You should get a gun rack. This is my thing. I'll give you some Copenhagen and take one of you. Hey, look at this. M1 Brian from Poway. What was the word of the day? Well done. Well done. You are correct, my friend. And you got a backstage pass to the Mikey Show, plus you get to go see the movie The Lincoln Lawyer, and you got a four-pack of tickets to the Good Guys Car Show. Thank you. Hang on the line. Well done. Let's see. I wish I understood more about Libya, what the deal is in Libya. I don't get it. World affairs, politics, stuff, I just don't really understand. I do know that President Obama says that we're making progress. Last week, when I ordered our armed forces to protect the Libyan people from the brutality of Muammar Gaddafi, I pledged to keep the American people fully informed. Since then, I've spoken about the limited scope and specific purpose of this mission. Today, I can report that thanks to the brave men and women in uniform, we've made important progress. Now.
I can be honest with you. I don't understand it myself. That something is happening somewhere and some thing is going on with the thing and the deal. So if you're interested in the whole deal and the thing that they're doing with it, then... If you're dealing with the thing. If you're dealing with the thing. Then you've got to find the thing. Then you've got to find the thing. There's more of President Obama. The United States should not and cannot intervene every time there's a crisis somewhere in the world. But I firmly believe that when innocent people are being brutalized, when someone like Gaddafi threatens a bloodbath that could destabilize an entire region, and when the international community is prepared to come together to save many thousands of lives, then it's in our national interest to act. And it's our responsibility. The White House has aged that poor dude. You seen him lately? Gray in hair. Yeah. Stressful job. Stressful job, man. I wonder what people would think if he was like, I have decided I'm not going to run for a second term. This is the worst job I've ever had. Ever had. Take it to the house and I'm going to fish, write a book. Go hang out back in Hawaii. Yeah. Oh, boy. Just going to enjoy the sunshine. Maybe catch some waves. Book tour. All I can say is get me out of here. Yeah. It's not easy.
Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. Dionne Warwick was on Celebrity Apprentice, but not anymore. She was kicked off. She was fired. And this was her parting words. In firing me? No, I don't think you made the right choice. But I did not flex my muscles as much as I probably could have. And I think he was disappointed enough to say, Dionne, you're fired. This is what I would like to know about Deonna Warwick being fired from the celebrity brands. How come she didn't see it coming? Yeah, she's a psychic. You're a psychic, Deonna. Of course I am, baby. I've called you several times myself. That's right. And let me tell you something, just like it's Friends Network, I...
Should have seen it coming that I was going to get fired, but I didn't. That's a good point. I suck. From the moment I woke up, I knew there was something happening. I'll say a little prayer for you. Do I have my Dionne Warwick here? Do I not have Dionne Warwick here? Why is that sentence coming out of your mouth? I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what you're saying. Oh, dude. I think I left my Dion. You don't remember that, Jay? No. This is weird. It's a random conversation we're having right now. Where's my Dion Warwick? Jay, where's my Dion Warwick? I had this big picture of Dion Warwick. Oh, I do remember that. You remember that? Jay, have you seen my Frankie Valli anywhere? Listen, I had a black and white photo, big photo on cardboard of Dion Warwick that I took from the fair. She was going to be at the fair.
That's awesome. And I took it. You took it? Yes, I know. It was another time. A million and one uses Mike. It was another time. You were sober. It was another time. Okay. And whenever we had comedians come into the studio, I'd have them sign it. Nice. And comedian Nick DiPaolo, you know Nick DiPaolo? He drew an arrow to her nostrils because she had these great big giant nostrils in the photograph. And Nick DiPaolo wrote, nice bat caves, Dion. Oh, poor Dion. It was the greatest poster. That's great. Oh, man. I'm sure they'll let me have it back if I call Clear Channel. Let's just call them and ask them. No, that's their property, don't you? Oh, yeah. All that stuff. Oh, yeah. Oh, well. Oh, boy. Oh, well. How are you doing?
Great. You need a new funny picture in here for comedians to see. I know it. You know, I hadn't thought about that thing until this moment. That's not a turd, by the way. It's not what you think it is. Woods just passed. It's an energy bar. It's an energy bar, but it was folded up to look like one. It's so turd-like. It really does. One might say it's turdish. Did we put it on the Facebook page? It's there. Woods bit it. Yeah. It feels like a turd. How do you know? Go to our Facebook page. You can see a picture of this. It looks even more like one now. So what do you have coming up? Oh, what did I grab? A new-ish Interpol song. New R.E.M. Some Elvis Costello. New Rise Against. And I had an M.I.A. song in my head all weekend. So I'm going to play some M.I.A. There you go. Yeah, good stuff. Guess what I got for the next manager's meeting? What? This device. Oh, goody. The device goes here. I don't want them to know. He's not listening. Is this for the program managers? Yeah, like our general manager and our program director and all the managers. Okay, all right. So not one that we're going to be in. And this will work from another room. Oh, good. I like it already. It's a remote control. It's a remote.
Remote control. You have to also, though, have like a recording. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We're going to rig it. Nice. Dude, farts equal funny. I'm almost 40 years old. Sorry. I know. I know. Farts equal funny. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next, and we will see you again tomorrow morning at 6. The Mikey Show's out. Late.